#his secrets are too profound we have a whole two seasons about them

[crazykuroneko]

Saw this snippet of TVL from IWTV reddit. Love how Lestat really tried to fullfil them, but I think he went too hard with "they have profound secrets in them that you wish to know" 😅

[beatricethecat2]

"No joy," Myka says, peeking into the static bag.

"That was the correct part, was it not?" Helena enlarges the photo on Myka's phone of a nineteenth-century elevator car housed at the Warehouse.

"I'm pretty sure. But that picture's not great." Myka slides the handle out and plops it back in to the tune of no sparks.

Helena noses around the storage space as The Dakota building's manager walks in.

"Maybe what you're looking for's in here," he says, plunking down a milk crate full of parts. "When they renovate, they save anything original."

"It's an elevator handle. From the original manual ones. Just not this one." Myka slips the part from the bag and holds it up.

"Might be in Ms. Shiva's apartment then. Parents took two cars and made them into a bar. Or could be from the one that went missing, the mysterious fourth car."

Myka and Helena share a concerned look, knowing the Warehouse took it without permission.

"Can we see the other two?" Myka asks.

"Look just like that one." The man points toward the ornately carved wooden car on the other side of the room. "Handle's that important to you, huh?"

"As architectural historians? Yes," Helena snips in a clipped, scholarly tone.

"Alright. Gimme a minute." He slips his phone out of its belt clip and walks out of the room.

Helena picks through dust-covered items in the crate. "This may be a lost cause."

"It must be upstairs. The walls are so thick, the ping could have come from anywhere."

"You said 'pickup,' not 'ping.'"

"Claudia called it a pickup yesterday! Today she called it a ping."

Helena huffs a disgruntled breath.

The manager waves a hand from the doorway. "She said it's ok to come up."

Myka follows the man, but Helena hangs back.

"Aren't you coming?" 

"I...should look through this crate."

"You know more about this stuff than me. You should come with."

"Myka, I...."

Myka steps closer and lowers her voice. "I know you're not happy about being here, but I really need your help."

Helena holds Myka's gaze but doesn't move.

"Please."

Helena nods an apprehensive yes.

"You'll tell me what's going on with you later, right?"

Helena nods again, with equal apprehension.

Myka grimaces. "Come on."

They follow the manager out of the room and into the elevator to the fourth floor.

-----------------

The Adventures of Wells and Bering ("Warehouse 13" Season 5 replacement) Season 1: Episode 3 Title: New York City: I'm buggin' out!

Summary: After three blissful days holed up in their Philadelphia hotel room, Myka receives a call from the Warehouse asking for help. Helena proclaims New York "a cesspool" when told the pickup is in the city. Myka laughs when told Helena was last there in 1893. Told she can stay behind, Helena follows anyway, the pair taking the train to avoid driving. Helena tells tales of city adventures with her partner Wolcott as she and Myka make their way uptown. Helena tenses upon arrival at their destination, so much so, Myka can tell something is off.  Later that day, Helena reveals a long buried secret.

Previously: Episode 1, Episode 2

-----------------

***BONUS SCENES***

After a less than jovial dinner (pictured above), Myka and Helena settle into their hotel room. Myka lounges in bed, already showered, wearing shorts and a t-shirt, nose buried in a book. Helena searches through her luggage after emerging from a shower swathed only in a robe.

"I know dinner wasn't great," Myka says, setting her book on the nightstand, "but something else's off. You've been weirdly touchy all day."

"I apologize for not being, as Claudia might say, 'all sunshine and rainbows.'" Helena yanks a t-shirt out of her suitcase. "Perhaps we should call the whole thing off." 

"What 'thing'?"

"This trip."

"Why?" Myka sits up.

"Because me being sullen is not an anomaly." 

"I know."

"Then why on earth would you subject yourself to that again?" Helena turns to face Myka and crosses her arms over her chest.

"Because you promised when you got like this you'd talk to me and I believed you."

"Fool," Helena says, the word filled with fondness rather than bite.

"Come here," Myka says, patting a spot next to her.

Helena stares at the bed but doesn't move.

"Come here..."

Helena's eyes lift to meet Myka's; the longer they stay locked, the less defiance they hold. She huffs a disgruntled breath but does as she's told. She sits stiffly, arms folded over her chest, back propped up against the headboard.

"Now, tell me what happened in that building," Myka says, laying back, turning to face Helena, head propped up by a hand. "Remember, I said I wouldn't judge you."

"You say that now..." Helena says, glancing at Myka.

"I won't," Myka says, slipping her hand over Helena's and squeezing, dragging it down to her lap, breaking her protective arm-fold.

"Where to begin," Helena grumbles, pressing her eyes closed, head falling back against the wall.

"How about..." Myka scoots up, aligning herself with Helena, all the while keeping hold of her hand. "The first time you were there, finding that artifact."

Helena rolls her head to the side and meets Myka's gaze.

Myka raises her brow and grins expectantly.

"Oh, alright," Helena grumps, sighing deeply, then lifting her head from the headboard.

"Wolly posed as an investor, and I, his wife. He and I were given guest accommodations, courtesy of Gustav Schirmer, a music publisher. We had a vague idea of what the curiosity was but needed time and access to suss out its location."

"I bet you and Wolly made a better couple than Pete and I ever did," Myka quips.

Helena huffs a short laugh. "People like us 'acted the part' on a daily basis. Anything beyond that was an extension of those fabricated selves. One had to switch 'on' any number of personas just to keep safe. It was difficult at times to remember our true selves."

"I'm sorry. That sucks."

"Easier for me than others. Though in that regard, I'm glad society seems to have changed for the better." Helena meets Myka's gaze, her eyes falling to her lips.

"Me too," Myka says as Helena cups her jaw, guiding their mouths together.

Their kiss lingers but as Helena's hand slides to the nape of Myka's neck, Myka pulls away.

"Story first," Myka says, slipping her hand over Helena's, lifting it away.

Helena pouts.

"After." Myka caresses Helena's cheek, then places a soft, brief kiss there. "I promise."

"I shall hold you to that."

"Oh, I know," Myka says, smiling. She settles back and waits as Helena collects her thoughts.

"The Dakota was unique,' Helena begins, "its design, the first of its kind in the world. A playground for 'new money,' miles away from 'civilization' further downtown. Few dared travel that far north, so their soirees were rather insular."

"That's good, right? Easier to find the artifact?" Myka says.

"Indeed. Gustav adored hosting events, along with the Steinways. Guests chased tunes all over the building as engagements spilled between apartments. Wolly and I snooped around gratuitously."

"Steinways...as in the grand-piano-maker Steinways?"

"The very same," Helena mumbles. Her eyes turn distant, a thumb rubbing idly over a knuckle, her hands linked primly on her lap. 

"Did you find the artifact?" Myka asks.

"Hmm? Oh...yes. But it took quite some time," Helena answers. "And along the way, I found something far more profound." She looks down at her lap, her hands pulling away from each other, tensing. 

"What was it?"

"I found my One."

"Y-You had a One?" Myka says, stiffening.

"All too briefly," Helena says, then glances at Myka. "To have found another is a kindness beyond anything I'd ever imagined. I'm sorry it took so long for me to believe it possible."

"You mean me?"

"I do." Helena brings Myka's hand up to her lips and kisses its palm.

"I, um, guess it's silly to be jealous of someone who lived over a hundred years ago. Especially since I know nothing about them." Myka scoots closer, cozying up to Helena. "Will you tell me?"

"Would you like to know?"

"I want to know everything about you."

"That may take some time."

"We have time, don't we?"

"Time has never been my ally. Especially with the ones I love."

"Let's change that." Myka tugs on Helena's sleeve, and the pair slip down to lie prone on the bed. She turns and snuggles up, head pillowed on Helena's shoulder, arm resting across her middle. Helena relaxes into Myka's hold and wraps an arm over Myka's.

"Tell me about your One," Myka says. "Or, your 'first' One."

"She...was an extraordinary woman," Helena answers. "Unlike any I'd ever known. We bonded instantly, which was unusual."

"How did you meet?"

"I caught her hiding from the merriment during a soiree, nose tucked in a book. One Mrs. Elizabeth Westcott." Helena smiles, obviously warmed by the memory.

"Mrs.?"

"A marriage for appearances; personal gain for two up-and-coming families. Residing at The Dakota allowed her husband to carry on extramarital affairs with less scrutiny. He cared little about her own."

"So you and she..."

"If those walls could talk," Helena says, her smile bordering on devilish. "We had several glorious years together before she..." Her smile fades in an instant.

"I'm afraid to ask."

"She died, as one does when one's husband's mistress plots to kill you."

"S-She was murdered?"

"Freak carriage accident. Never proven, but everyone knew. To ensure Elizabeth never gave him an heir, after Christina. The irony being we'd planned on running away to California soon enough--"

"Wait, Christina was Elizabeth's?" Myka lifts her head to look Helena in the eye.

"I loved her as if she were my own," Helena snaps, "spirited her away to England as soon as I could, with the housekeeper's help."

"You stole her?" Myka pushes away, falling back on her elbows, mouth agape.

"I rescued her," Helena barks, jerking upright. "That monstrous woman still had talons in her father. There was no doubt Christina wasn't safe. It's what Elizabeth would have wanted." 

Helena moves to leave, but Myka grabs her arm.

"Don't go," Myka pleads. "I'm sorry. I said I wouldn't judge you."

Helena freezes in place, her heart pounding wildly. A few moments later, she returns to Myka's side.

"Did anyone come looking for her?" Myka asks, pushing forward so as not to leave Helena stewing.

"I don't know. I doubt they could find me as only Elizabeth knew my true identity. And I never set foot in New York again."

"So literally 1893."

Helena nods, the sour look on her face softening. "I'd thought to visit her grave but haven't found the courage."

"You should go. We could go together. It'll give you closure."

"You sound so certain."

"I know it will help. I've loved and lost, too, you know."

"Indeed, you have, my love," Helena says, then sighs heavy-heartedly. "What a pair we make."

"I think we're a good match," Myka says, tugging Helena back to lie flat again. "We could take our minds off it. Make some new, pleasant memories." She slips a hand under the tie of Helena's robe.

"You did make a promise earlier," Helena replies.

"And I always make good on my promises," Myka says, drawing the tie free, brushing a fingertip over newly exposed skin. Helena quivers and relaxes back, offering no resistance as Myka fulfills her word.

End of Episode 3

-TBC-

NOTES: According to the internet, the term "buggin'" was coined in New York City. The fourth elevator really did go missing during The Dakota renovations in the 1960's (pre-landmarking). Thank you to the library for being open so I could borrow books and down some facts as this got way more involved than I meant it to become (but that's part of the fun).

This story format is...in my head, I'm calling it "TV POV." If we were watching the show, we'd see things but not hear the character's thoughts, so that's what I'm going for, I think? Broad strokes and quicker resolutions due to the 45 minute-ish run time (or would this show be a 25 minute one? Hmm.) Let me know if that's not working at all. I mean these are obviously pastiches of content - the images come first then the stories materialize afterwards. They are supposed to be short and clippy - plenty of room for the reader to fill in the blanks - but this one got away from me! Also Tumblr keeps making the second image blurry and I can't figure out why...

[dingoat]

[So, @cinlat has been dabbling in a Sith au for her Fynta, with cameo slots available for various other characters to come hang out. And just the little bit of contemplation we had about where Ahuska might slot into this particular version of events, I wound up inspired enough to dabble with a scene! So welcome to an Ahuska who still wound up adopted into Mandalorian life, but has not forgotten/repressed her early years. Rather than their usual easy friendship, she and Fynta wind up butting heads more often than not and bumping into one another more than either would like. Apologies if I’ve gotten Fynta totally wrong, I will put up a disclaimer that I’m throwing this out here without any sort of proofing from Cinlat so she gets the final call as to the authenticity of this scene! I’ve also borrowed @askshivanulegacy’s Blakk for the ride, I think I needed a little cathartic fluff to counterbalance all the fluff-gone-wrong happening elsewhere hahahaha.]

‘Not on My Watch’ 

“I don’t know why you won’t just let me take a speeder…”

Ahuska lifted a hand to cut him off, raising a finger and shaking her head with a smile. It was no secret that the young bothan was soft for this particular Imperial Agent, even if her clanmates were quick to remind her that no self respecting human Kaas citizen would pursue anything more than a functional work relationship with her, a rudderless, stable-working alien. 

She chose not to listen to what her clanmates had to say.

“Because a speeder won’t pull back when it feels the ice getting too thin or warn you when you cross a wampa’s path, that’s why.”

Cipher Blakk rolled his eyes and pulled the zipper of his insulated parka higher, but it still wasn’t enough to keep his face properly protected from the frankly absurd level of chill. “It’s not as though I plan to park on an ice sheet…”

“Uh huh, and you’ll know exactly what’s under the two inch layer of snow that’s just fallen…”

He huffed, and she laughed, opening the stall door against which she was leaning to lead out the young tauntaun buck she already had saddled and haltered. “Quit fretting. Thunder here is a solid ride and a soft touch, he won’t give you any problems, and I’d trust him over any autopilot to get you safely back to base if something goes wrong.” Blakk felt some unexpected warmth rise in his cheeks, and while he wondered for the thousandth time why she cared so much that he got back safely, the buck lowered his head to snuffle through Ahuska’s hair. She raised a hand to give the tauntaun a firm rub on the cheek and horn. “Yeah, you’re a good boy aren’t you? You’ll be good for the Empire’s elite, won’t you? Won’t you my good soft woolly buddy…”

Ahuska’s ears flicked at the same moment as Thunder’s twitched, and a heartbeat later Blakk’s head turned as well, hearing the heavy rasp of an iron gate lifting. 

Ahuska had been stationed on the remote Hoth outpost for the last month and a half, more than enough time to get to know the sound of every latch and door in the stables, and the animals that spent their lives here knew them even better. Her sky blue eyes turned to ice as she squinted, staring down into the lower level. “Who… oh.”

Her lips turned to a tight, flat line as she recognised the figure down below, and the coolness in her expression was enough to prompt Blakk to lift a brow. “Ahh, is something the matter…?”

“We’ll see. What is she… oh, oh no, no no no…”

The Cipher suddenly found himself with a set of reins thrust into his hands, with Ahuska taking the liberty of closing his fingers around them and squeezing tight. “What… what are you…?”

“Hold him. Hold him tight and don’t let go for a second, distract him with this if you can…” She shoved a pinkish rock of some sort toward him, and with his hands full he was forced to stoop and hold it under his chin, expression nothing short of bewildered.

“I don’t… oh, gods no,” Blakk had the profound discomfort of realising then that it was a block of salt, as Thunder pressed forward with an eager little warble and began to lick at it. He made a tiny sound of dismay. “Ahuska…!”

But she was already gone, not even sticking around to have a snigger at his predicament, darting down the stairwell rather than waiting on one of the stocklifts. “Oi! Oi, di’kut, what’n Kad’s name do you think you’re doing---!!”

The object of Ahuska’s anger turned, unnaturally blue eyes flashing with irritation, and then immediately turned back to the stall door she’d been about to open.

“Don’t you dare touch that! Who the hell authorized you to be down here and what the shab d’you think you’re doing opening straight up into the yards?” Rather than heading straight toward the Sith, Ahuska veered to the far wall where a harsh wind blustered through the now gaping entry to the outdoor paddocks, and slammed her fist against a set of controls.

“This animal is… Shen-Four-Seven, isn’t it?” Fynta Wolfe, Assassin for Sith Intelligence and Infiltration, glared at the Bothan stablekeep who stood firm in the gateway, as though she could somehow block her passage while the heavy gate groaned back shut. She cut a strong silhouette against the glaring white world outside, framed with reflected light and fluttering snowflakes.

“Star, yeah, that’s her.” Ahuska’s tone was curt. She didn’t enjoy dealing with Fynta any more than she explicitly had to. Never mind that the Sith knew far more about her than Ahuska was comfortable with, but the fact that Fynta thought she could just slip on some beskar and mingle amongst the clans as though she weren’t an out-and-out Sith grated at her terribly. The nerves struck were just… a little too close to home.

“Then she’s the one I’ve been assigned while I’m on duty here. And since I’m not here to take riding lessons, I don’t see why I need to answer to you of all people, stablekeep.”

Ahuska bristled as the steel gate locked shut behind her, putting an abrupt halt to the chill wind. “Maybe ‘cause every last one of these animals has been assigned to me while I’m on duty here, and I don’t give a damn if you’re the Emperor himself, you don’t take one outside without my say-so. Not a taun, not a vulp, not a gods-damned arctic womp-weasel! So you can take your fingers off that latch and let me do my job, or you can deal with the shab’la stampede you’re about to let loose. It’s stable master, by the way.”

Fynta knew Ahuska wasn’t the type to lie for the sake of a power trip. The bothan’s conviction and ferocity at this moment was enough to give her pause and slowly arch a brow, though her tone was flat and unconvinced. “Stampede. You mean the whole three out in the main yard.”

“Mmm.” Ahuska’s tone was equally flat, but there was something smug about the way she lifted her chin and stared down the bridge of her muzzle toward the Sith. “Those three first, if Thunder up on the balcony doesn’t fling himself over to beat them to it.” She gestured upward and over her shoulder with a thumb, toward where Blakk diligently kept a firm but wary hold of the tauntaun buck Ahuska had left in his care. The agent swiftly averted his gaze when he realised attention had momentarily turned his way. “Then the seven in the exercise yards ‘cause let’s face it, those fences aren’t gonna stop a buck in rut, and maybe the dozen in the outer…”

“Excuse me?”

“Excuse what?”

“A buck in rut?”

“I said what I said. I know it doesn’t look much like the seasons change here on Hoth, but believe me, there are seasons, and we’re in the thick of one right now. Your little Star there…” Ahuska dipped her head toward the stall door that Fynta remained precariously close to opening, though to her credit her fingers were looser on the handle than they had been moments before. “Is a very, very appealing little lady at the moment. She gets lead out through the back to be worked in the yards on the south ridge or not at all, and when she’s being groomed and treated in here this gate…” She slapped the metal surface behind her with the back of her hand. “Stays shut! I wouldn’t even recommend her for a mission today or tomorrow unless you were absolutely certain of no wild herds en route and let’s face it, you can never be certain of that…”

Fynta hadn’t exactly paled, but she was definitely looking less confident about taking her assigned mount out onto the slopes.  She found herself feeling unwittingly grateful that the blasted bothan had been here to intercept her, and then an equal measure of furious at herself for feeling grateful at all. “Alright, alright, fierfek, just get me a more suitable animal ready as soon as you can, I’ve wasted enough time here already…”

“Of course, my Lord,” Ahuska’s grin was far too toothy, her flourished salute and bow far too exaggerated to be genuine. She enjoyed watching Fynta bite back her seething a little too much. “And let me know what shebs-for-brains gave you Star to begin with so I can have some words.”

“I’ll try to find out,” Fynta lied. No way in hell was she going to let Ahuska know that, in a bid to get herself in and out of Hoth as swiftly as possible, she might have forged a signature or two on a requisition document here and there, and arbitrarily assigned the tauntaun to herself. She straightened, stepping away from the stall, and stared Ahuska squarely in the eye. “I’ll be back in ten minutes. Don’t keep me waiting.”

She didn’t give Ahuska the opportunity to respond, making her way smartly off down a corridor. The bothan might come across as meek as a runt nerf calf most of the time, but Force be damned if she didn’t find a spine and a half where her animals were concerned. Fynta couldn’t decide whether she was impressed or irritated, and just found herself hoping that Ahuska would be able to find the same amount of backbone if anyone ever pressed her about matters that remained better left unspoken.

She really didn’t want to see another decent Mandalorian having their arm twisted into Imperial service.

Ahuska, meanwhile, had every intention of keeping Fynta waiting; she had another Agent of the Empire to finish dealing with first, and she wasn’t going to rush seeing Blakk and Thunder off soundly for the sake of a single agitated Sith. Her hackles were already smooth and the set of her ears fully relaxed by the time she made it back to the upper level, though the way Blakk’s wide-eyed gaze settled on her when she flashed him a grin threatened to dishevel her all over again.

“Didn’t give you any trouble, did he?”

“No, you were great- I mean he, he was great. Thunder was… great. Perfect. No trouble.”

Ahuska might have plenty of backbone when it mattered, but that didn’t stop certain moments making her utterly weak. She coughed into her hand, glancing aside as she took back the reins and returned the remains of the salt lick to her pocket. “Ahh, uh, right, good. Good! Where have you got your gear then? Better get him all loaded up for you.”

---

[And now a bonus for everyone who got this far, hahaha, have some zipped up Hoth geared little Imperials. Ahuska thinks they’re both ridiculous for complaining so much about the cold.]

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. CIX

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Dean, What Do You Want?

(14x01/14x02)

Hi everyone! We arrived to season 14. Is th season I started writing meta, so this is gonna be a resume of all my observations from these two episodes.

This season was the 'what do you want?' season, but it also was the Profound Bond season to me. And you'll see why.

Let's start!

All my metas from these episodes from season 14 can be found here: X , X, X, X. X.

Closing Arcs and the Phoenix Complex

At the beginning of the season, there was a lot of clues that led us to think the show was coming to its end.

The first character showing this, was Sam.

I started to elaborate the concepto of 'Phoenix Complex' in Supernatural characters.

This idea is based over that ability of the characters in coming back from death several times.

Like the Phoenix, they reborn from their ashes renewed. And that's the meaning from this.: "I'm giving you this so many chances to change your point of view, so you can see with new eyes."

Is the same concept with the breaking point trough lost, pain and tragedy.

Following this idea, we could say Dean and Castiel (and Sam) needed to go through their journey dying and resurrecting as many times as they needed to be renewed. Season 14 is the season of HEALING!DEAN and Castiel had his growth too.

Because they needed to love themselves, accept themselves, in order to freely love the other.

That's why this was the what do you want season.

But, I said before, Sam is the first one closing his arc:

Gif credit @itsokaysammy

And how glorious way to closed that hateful destiny. He rules his own path. He says "ENOUGH!" To those demons, but also, to his past with them. We won't come back to those black days. He even saw his prison guard, Lucifer, dying in front of him. The victory is by his side.

This path of self knowledge and self acceptance is about to end. He's not anymore this guy with so many regrets and so many incomplete desires. He even had the opportunity of reconciliation with his mother, that profund wound, healing with forgiveness.

But now that we know about season 15, Sam's words here have an additional meaning to what I wrote. Because we know there wasn't a king, but a queen of hell right?

What do you want?

The season starts with Michael asking everyone what do they want. When actually, he was trying to figure out what Dean wanted. It was an indirect question. Because Michael could have Dean's body but not his more deepest secret. (Just like the Qareen in season 11 remember? She couldn't decipher what was in Dean's heart)

Pay attention to this dialogue:

MICHAEL: Why are we here. I know why I’m here to ask you a question.

JAMIL: What question?

MICHAEL: The same question I’ve spent weeks traveling around this world asking all sorts of people. Holy men, leaders, killers. And now I come to you, Jamil Hamed. (pause) What do you want? (...)If you could have anything, name it.

JAMIL: Peace. And love.

Michael names three kind of people in his list: holy men, killers and leaders. The three characteristics that could apply to Dean. So, this question is maden for Dean. That's why no answer will satisfy Michael. Because the answers he is having are not enough to understand Dean completely.

MICHAEL: If you cared about peace, you never would have left Syria. You never would have ran and abandoned your friends to die – and they did die.

JAMIL: No.

Imagine Michael saying this to Dean because is an indirect message for him. And he is trying to break Dean through GUILT. By saying YOUR FRIENDS ARE ALONE NOW AND THEY'RE GOING TO DIE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT THERE TO PROTECT THEM.

MICHAEL: And if you cared about love, you never would have gone into that broom closet with – What was her name?

The symbolism using the word closet, Dean inside the closet just dating women.

MICHAEL: And that’s the problem with you. You’re lost... And not worth saving.

Michael is talking about what he can read inside of Dean. His fears. But this is also a parallel to the Destiel first meeting in that barn where Castiel reads in Dean that he had not faith. We will have another reading of his fears with Kaia in episode 14x03.

Another clue of why Michael couldn't have access to Dean deepest secrets was when he faces Anael in episode 14x02 and mistook her for Castiel...

(Just a little reminder of why Dean said yes to Michael, it was because of FAMILY LOVE!)

Okay, now... That time when Michael thought Anael was Cas...

MICHAEL: I know about you, Jo. Because he knew about you. You're the rebel, the angel who doesn't like playing by Heaven's rules or whatever. You pretend to care about these things -- pretty things. But that's all it is -- pretending.

These trinkets, they don't make you happy. They just pass the time. They're not what you really want.

SISTER JO: And if you're so smart, what do I really want?

MICHAEL: Love. To belong, to have a place -- a home, a family. It's very very human of you. And so, so disappointing.

I can sense how many angels are in this world. There aren't many left. I thought... maybe I could help. But if they're all these sad, lost, fallen things -- things like you -- maybe they're not worth saving, either.

Don't you think is really weird? Yes, because Dean won't let Michael to have access to his feelings for Castiel.

That means the bond is not complete because Dean is already bonded with Castiel.

Bringing back the Profound Bond

At the beginning of episode 14x01 we had that random demon reminding us that Castiel and Dean are bonded.

Gif credit @helpimanspnfan

Everything."

Yes... This was a good bait for us but it was too a reminder that DEAN AND CAS SHARE THIS PROFOUND BOND. And putting that in the first episode was like "You viewers keep this in mind".

This was important and it was put as a preamble for the whole season.

Depressed Castiel and the low grace

We will never know if these were plot holes and huge mistakes from Dabb or if it had to do with Castiel's depression.

I wrote that in one of my metas, related to that time in season 10 (mostly episode 10x01) in which Castiel was so depressed, with low grace and letting himself die because Dean was missed.

But also this scene...

Gif credit @inacatastrophicmind

Castiel is more emotional than in the previous seasons. We all know because he misses Dean, and he is here using Dean's words with Jack. Because Dean is his role model. We all know that. But this has to do too with Castiel closing his arc too.

Gif credit @myheartofmusic

The dialogue he had with Jack was about that time when he became a human and how he learned he had Dean and Sam but mostly, he had himself.

This Castiel knows where he belongs. He knows his family are Dean, Jack and Sam. Being Dadstiel helped him to find his place. And this lead us to a closure of his character.

Michael bringing Purgatory vibes

Just a few words about Michael and monsters. He really thought there was PURITY about it. He is the one bringing back this concept we saw in season 8 related to Purgatory. It won't be the only clues he will show throughout the season about purity and monsters and Purgatory. In retrospective, there were foreshadowing Castiel and Dean coming back to Purgatory of Love in 15x09.

To Conclude:

Season 14 is the season of the profound Bond, the healing!Dean concept linked to the question 'what do you want?'

It's also a journey though the beginning of the closure of arcs (or an attempt of it).

Time for Dean to accept himself and love himself.

Hope you liked this first meta from season 14! See you in the next one!

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weird-dorky-little-d @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@destielle @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @2musiclover2 @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996 @lisafu02 @asphodelesauvage

If you want to be added or removed from this list just let me know.

Buenos Aires April 18th 2021 7:18 PM

[dexi-green]

Okay so wrap up thoughts for ep. 4:

Where is Zemo? Do not let this man loose. Also bless marvel for releasing the longer cut of Zemo dancing earlier 🙏🏽

We love the Dora. However I wonder if the arm thing was a gag or if it’s going to come back. I could definitely see Buck having some questions and beginning to wonder whether they actually freed them or just put him under Wakanda’s control with a longer leash. He obviously has reason to be skeptical about people’s intention with him (see; how Zemo used him) I can definitely imagine them explaining that it was impossible to wipe out the WS controls but rather they just changed them and just never intended to use them, making him a sort of unintentional sleeper agent White Wolf for Wakanda. He is clearly very thankful and grateful to them, and is very close to the Dora, especially Ayo, so I could see that distrust being a good future character arc. But I stand by that with T’Challa in charge they would never seek to take advantage of Buck in that way. Also I was never a HUGE fan of Stan’s acting, I felt he got too hyped up for just brooding, like he was good but not Oscar worthy as some on here tried to say (you can just say you think he’s hot, you don’t have to lie about his acting to justify your adoration of him and watching his whole filmography, it’s okay I promise), but that scene at the beginning was actually amazing. I love the change between fear to relief and realization. Chef’s kiss.

As I mentioned several times, I love that this show is carefully exploring warring ideals, and actually saying them pretty plainly. It’s giving me what Civil War could’ve been. In Civil War there was just too many blatant misunderstandings and things that could’ve been cleared up if the Avenger’s didn’t share one (1) brain cell and it somehow ended up with Peter Parker who had homework to do. In this show, the ideals come from very understandable different perspectives, different lives lived. I know I want a conversation, but that alone won’t truly solve this like it would’ve in Civil War. It comes from very real criticism of our very real govt and society which I thinks helps cement this so much more in reality in a way that isn’t boring to watch like some other comic things that try to be gritty and realistic. The only part that has taken me out so far was the so very subtle cop scene in the second episode, which leads me into my next point

ISAIAH BRADLEY! Loop his story back in, let’s get some backstory and information and all that good stuff. Obviously Isaiah has made it pretty dang clear he wants nothing to do with any of this but obviously that’s not gonna happen, and it’ll be a tremendous waste of an absolute amazing and groundbreaking story to just bring Eli in at the end in some shoehorned way or something. Isaiah needs to be a part of whatever solution this story/season comes to. I’ve seen a theory floating around about either Isaiah being Wakandan (either like killmonger with one or both of his parents being from Wakanda, or more distantly) or perhaps Erskine’s secret ingredient for his serum was derived from the heart shaped herb (which would’ve made Cap White Panther 😬) which I think would be an interesting way to completely tie in Wakanda but perhaps a little unnecessary, specifically the first theory, we don’t need every future black person in the MCU to be secretly Wakandan. I just need his story to be more prominent then it has so far. It’s very important and not something that should just be a basically D grade side plot at this point.

I feel like we have shifted away from much focus on Sam. But I feel like the focus has pulled more on Zemo, Karli, Walker and Buck. Like Sam is doing what he needs but we aren’t getting as much insight into him as we did in the first episode. Which is why I think I liked his talk so much with Karli. We went back to his history of counseling and got to see how it uses it, how he calms down a situation, and his own insight into Karli’s ideals, he agrees but wants to go about it in a different way. We have constantly seen him offering help to others, but hasn’t really received much in return. I feel like now every time the shield comes up it’s just Bucky being all pissy that Sam gave it away which really turns me off his character. Sam already explained that maybe he made a mistake, but also Buck is so set in his way and his ideation of Steve that he can’t for a second consider Sam’s side. Like at this point it’s getting kind of annoying how Buck is being with Sam about it. I want more insight into Sam’s feelings about Steve, and Cap, and all that. Hopefully these last couple episodes with shift the focus back. At this point I feel I know more about Karli and John as people than I do Sam and that’s not great considering the title of the show. This was one of my earliest concerns for the series when it was announced, that it was going to focus too much on Bucky who has had his story almost front and center for almost all of the Cap films, they almost all in some part revolve around Bucky. Perhaps I need to rewatch and there has been some bits of Sam’s I haven’t appreciated enough, but it feels unbalanced, not in favor of him.

Sharon is being sketchy I fear. I do kind of like the idea that she is the power broker, but it’s hard to wrap my head around her threatening Karli like she has been. I mean she obviously has changed a lot, but if she is the power broker her motives have to be something different than what she is trying to lead people to believe. I think what’s more possible is her working for the power broker or perhaps working for/as the power broker as a cover for Fury or some other person/organization. She’s worked undercover for Fury before, she is obviously loyal to him, which might’ve changed since she talks to much about being abandoned by everyone, but I don’t know. It’s obvious something else is going on with her character, and while I love if she had just pivoted to this crime lord role, I just think of her speech at Peggy’s funeral and her loyalty to Cap and Fury in TWS. It’s possible she flipped on a dime like that because everything done to her and what she’s been through, and it may be too predictable for her to have the exact same storyline as TWS but who knows... that or she’s a skrull, always a possibility, can’t be too careful.

John Walker is clearly becoming the actual Anti-Cap. They are getting storybeats to line up. A ‘good’ soldier, turned propaganda tool, turned govt lap dog, serumed up, best friend dies, then what? Switched on by society? I love the moment with him and the flag smasher. It brought me back to when I was in the theater watching Civil War and I swore Steve was going to chop Tony’s head off with the shield. Steve just smashes the arc reactor of course, but John straight up murders this guy. And people are watching, the world is, people were recording. Definitely some purposeful similarities to our very real recording of police brutality irl. Which makes me think what will the govt response be? Will they spin it and try to get him out of this (which will feel really...weird? With the trial going on rn) or maybe will they abandon him completely and leave him high and dry? Hopefully we will see whoever the current MCU president is (prolly maybe Thaddeus Ross??) speak on it as well as the flag smashers and GRC. Walker is obviously not a good person at heart. I theorized before that he had already been given the serum, which clearly isn’t true so he has just taken it but there is something about his background that needs to be revealed. It has to be more than just “‘we did bad stuff while we were deployed” like... yeah it has a profound and damaging effect on people, but I feel like when he was talking to Hoskins it felt like they were remembering what went down slightly differently. I don’t know why, I’ll have to rewatch the scene. Either way, I think there is some stuff we still don’t know about Walker, something so terrible about him that made the serum change him like that. He was already clearly on edge, feeling insecure about people not giving him the respect he thought he deserved just from putting on the suit and carrying the shield, feeling that same imposter syndrome Sam did/does, and his pride was clearly DECIMATED by the Dora. He has this seeming obsession with super soldiers... he’s just giving weirdo vibes.

One thing I noted is that I think this series is taking apart Steve/Cap and spreading him out over several different people, and having them all pick at and dissect what makes/made Captain America the symbol he was, and what happens when you dig a little deeper. Karli seems to be the embodiment of the kindness/concern for others. She is fighting for the people, to protect them, as Cap was. But she is not holding back and is willing to put everything on the line, but where Cap was putting himself in the line of fire to protect people, Karli is putting others. Buck may be the classic idealism and Steve himself, I’m not 100 sure, but he seems to embody the kind of idea that people need something to put hope in, something to lean on, the idea of true good. He always brings up what the shield means and represents, doesn’t ever actually get specific though which is interesting. This may be because Bucky has a hard time separating Steve from Cap, since he saw the two grow up, when he talks about the shield and Cap he IS talking about Steve, there is no symbol or hidden meaning, just the Steve he knew. He conflates it all together. So I guess he represents whether or not the classic ideals can survive, the idea of hope, and Young Steve. Sam I think could be change. Where change is unwavering, like Cap’s fight for freedom never changed, but also where it is inevitable, in Steve and Cap’s place in a time that isn’t their own. How the idea of Captain America needs to be updated for modern times, or whether it should be thrown out altogether. I don’t know this is all ramblings. I though I had something but it’s almost 5am 😩

I believe we have 2 more episodes left so it’ll being interesting to see what they do with it. Fingers crossed 🤞

[babygirlkiki1016]

Masterlist

Chapter 4: Between Two Races

Chapter 5: The Ugly Truth

The moon was almost out as the sun slowly lowered itself behind the mountains. I sighed, might as well enjoy it, this might be the only time I'll ever get to see it like this. With no enemies chasing us, just me and myself, and the maids who were trying to get me to wear a dress.

"What about this one milady? It's certainly beautiful, any man would love to see you in this kind of dress." It was a long black gown, not as fluffy as the others they had shown me. It was slim, and just my size, I ran my hand over the cloth feeling the soft texture.

"I'll try this one." Trying on the dress was the best decision, it fits me in all the right places. It hung off my shoulders slightly, showing my family's crest. My eyes traveled to the v-line that showed my breast. Well, it complimented my figure, even though I don't like showing my body that much, it made me feel beautiful. "Thank you, you are dismissed." I bowed and left my chambers, I could hear them giggling as I walked away. I wonder what they were so excited about, maybe they're eager to see the dwarves?

"Y/n! It's wonderful for you to join us for dinner." Elrond greeted as he walked up the steps with Gandalf. "You look extravagant."

"Thank you, as do you." He wasn't the only one who thought so, cause every dwarf at the table stopped and stared. Their jaws dropping in surprise, and each of them blushed as I smiled. The moment I sat down at the dining table, Thorin couldn't keep his eyes off of me. His gaze traveled to my chest, I couldn't tell if he was looking at my markings or my breast. "Thorin, eyes up here." He snaps out of his trance, but he did not smile or grin, he scowled at me.

"Don't you think that's a little too much skin your showing?" He growled I didn't think it would be a problem, but now I was doubting myself.

"Even if it is, what does it matter?"

"It matters cause you look like a whore." He took a sip of his wine, Elrond could sense my discomfort. I looked down in shame, all I wanted was to feel pretty, and here I thought this man could change. No, I wouldn't let him get to me, he's just another dwarf his words shouldn't matter to me. I held my head high, making his eyes widen at my new profound courage.

"A whore would be wearing much fewer clothes than I, all that matters is that I feel beautiful the way I am. And if you don't like it, then you can shove it you ignorant pig." The other two people at our table let out a small chuckle, for the look on Thorin's face was unexpected. He was speechless now but turned his focus to Elrond who examined one of the swords that he had taken from the trolls’ cave.

"This is Orcrist, the Goblin-cleaver. A famous blade, forged by the High Elves of the West. My kin." He hands it back to Thorin with a small nod. "May it serve you well." Elrond grabs Gandalf's sword. "And this is Glamdring. The Foe-hammer, sword of the King of Gondolin. These swords were made for the Goblin wars of the First. I believe you will find it to be useful."

"What about this?" I hand him the blue stone I had found in the troll's hoard, he tilted his head to the side and put down Gandalf's weapon.

"It has your family's crest, I highly doubt you need me to tell you what it means."

"I know what the translation is, but why would it say to go back to the Kingdom of Larthas? There's nothing there but corpses and vines that have grown over time." He takes it from me and analyzes the markings, his brows furrowed as he racked his brain for what it could mean.

"I do not know, perhaps there is a secret there that remains hidden. Something only you can find out, you are the Queen after all. Only the royal blood can open the gates of Larithian."

"The gates of Larithian?" Thorin glanced between the two of us in confusion.

"The gates of Larithian is where our treasure remains, anything important goes in there. Yet it hasn't been open for so long." Were there more of my people out there? Maybe they made this gem, so one day when someone found it they would bring it to me. Why? What could be so important?

"How did you come by these?" Elrond still stared at the stone in his hand, I had a feeling he knew something about the stone. He just wasn't telling me what it was, he tried to look at it like he'd never seen it before but was failing.

"We found them in a troll hoard on the Great East Road, shortly before we were ambushed by orcs," Gandalf explained, which caught his attention.

"And what were you doing on the Great East road?"

~♪♠♪~

"Our business is no concern of Elves. It's already bad enough that she knows of our journey." Thorin glared at me, that fire in his eyes returning once more. I could feel a few looks of pity thrown my way, but I could care less. I was a Queen, no matter how much he hurts me I have to stay strong for my people.

"For goodness sake. Thorin, show him the map!" Gandalf ordered, his grip tightening on his staff.

"It is the legacy of my people. It’s mine to protect! As are its secrets."

"Save me from the stubbornness of dwarves. Your pride will be your downfall. You stand here in the presence of one of the few in Middle-earth who can read that map. Show it to Lord Elrond!" Thorin grimaced at the thought, but he knew that the old wizard was right. Though he looked at me with a hopeful look, I returned it with a glimpse of confusion.

"Can you read the map?" His request surprised me, he would rather have me, a digonisk read the map than an elf? "You do know everything about dwarves out there do you not?" Thorin takes out the map and hands it to me reluctantly. I open it, and read what I already knew, it was mostly about the quest. Elrond took this as a signal to leave, for he knew the dwarves wouldn't want him to listen in on their secrets. So now all that remained was me, Gandalf, Thorin, Bilbo, and Balin.

"What am I looking for?"

"It’s mainly academic. As you know, this sort of artifact sometimes contains hidden text." Gandalf explains, walking with me to the pedestal. "You still read ancient dwarvish, do you not?"

"Of course, it was one of the first languages that I learned during my lessons." I studied the symbols and spoke aloud. "‘Cirth ithil’."

"Moon runes, of course. An easy thing to miss."

"Moon runes can only be read by the light of the moon of the same shape and season as the day on which they were written. Luckily for you, I do not need the same moon as I can create my own." I lifted my hand over the map as the two dwarves watched, with my magic I created a crescent moon making the paper glow with blue letters. "‘Stand by the grey stone when the thrush knocks, and the setting sun with the last light of Durin’s Day will shine upon the keyhole.’"

"Durin’s Day?" Bilbo asked curiously.

"It is the start of the dwarves' new year, when the last moon of Autumn and the first sun of Winter appear in the sky together. We still have time to make it to the mountain, as long as we move swiftly and take the fastest route. We have to be standing at exactly the right spot, at exactly the right time. Then, and only then, can the door be opened?" That's when everyone realized this journey was about to get a whole lot harder. Not only would we have to move fast, but that means barely any resting time for the rest of the company. After reading the map, I returned to my balcony, watching as the moon shined upon us. Lighting the town, making it glow with white light.

"You've been coming here a lot since you've arrived. Something on your mind?" Elrond joined me by the edge, his hands folded behind his back.

"Just wanting some peace."

"I do not believe that's the right answer." I looked up at him, he gave me a knowing look. Was I supposed to know what he was speaking of? "Thorin Oakenshield, Gandalf told me about how he's been treating you this entire trip. And I can see it in your eyes, it hurts you when he speaks ill of you." He was right, I didn't like it when Thorin was rude, it was as if he wants to break my heart.

"I just don't understand why it hurts so much." He places a hand on my head, caressing my hair gently to calm me.

"Perhaps it hurts because you are in love with him?" In love with him?! That can't be, I haven't thought of him that way at all. Though I did appreciate his time with me, and I liked it when he was around. His voice soothed me, those ruff vocals were music to my ears. "You know I never lie, your hurt because you love him, and when someone that you love is rude to you it pains you more."

"Even if that was true, he wouldn't love me back."

"That's not what I see, earlier when he commented on your dress I could see the jealousy flaring in his eyes." Could Thorin be jealous of what other men thought? Is that why he's always so rude to me? Because he wants me to be safe, or he doesn't want me to do a certain thing? "You should talk to him, tell him how you feel. If you don't it will only get worse for the both of you." I turned away slightly, looking towards the exit of the garden. Maybe telling Thorin wouldn't be so bad, let's hope he feels the same. I thanked Elrond for the advice and made my way around the castle. Eventually, I spotted Thorin with Dwalin speaking on the bridge over the waterfall. My heart was pounding as I made my way over to them, but before I turned the corner I heard something I hadn't expected. I hid behind the pillar, listening to them speaking about someone, uttering my name.

"You laid a hand to her?" Thorin growled.

"It was an accident Thorin, I was just angry-" Dwalin went to go apologize but Thorin interrupted him.

"She is the Queen of the Digonisks, the one who is going to slay Smaug. You will be nice to her, for she is the only one who can kill that beast." My heart fluttered, he was defending me, maybe he did love me.

"So that's it, you want us to be nice? What about the pain you've caused her?! And for what, so she'll do your dirty work?"

"If we hurt her more, she might turn her back on us. We need her to kill Smaug." So that's all he wanted, he just wanted me to kill that dragon. I was nothing but a pawn to him, he didn't love me after all. I was stupid to ever think such an ass like him could ever have feelings like that. Besides, he did say he'd rather be dead than ever be with me.

"And what about after that? What happens after she kills him?" Thorin sighed in disappointment, it seemed like he was upset about something.

"Then she can take her scrolls and leave." I let my guard down again, I shouldn't have listened to Elrond, he didn't lie but he was mistaken. A moment later I heard shuffling, Thorin was coming my way. Quickly I pretended to be just arriving, which startled 'The King Under The Mountain'. "Y/n." He bowed and smiled at me, but I knew it was just an act. "What brings you here?" My heart wrenched, I couldn't do it, I couldn't tell him. I didn't want to face rejection, nor humiliation.

"I was coming to tell you something." My eyes met Dwalins, and that's when he knew I had heard their conversation. "Though it's not important, not anymore." Quickly I rushed away to my chambers as Thorin called after me, and the moment the hard wooden door closed I slid down to the floor with a soft sob coming from my lips.

@fili-is-my-lover @kirenia15 @lunariasilver @depressedchilipepper @tschrist1

[miekasa]

do share your thoughts on the SnK final chapter and ending if you read it! <3

OKAY!! Here are just some of my thoughts, none of which are uniform lmaooo and are subject to change if I think about it long enough <22 lots of stuff I haven’t completely figured out or reconciled with yet, but here we go 

Eren’s death

I wanted him to die, and one way or another, he was destined to die; so this is kind of the ending I asked for. 

I wanted him to die for a few reasons, most of which revolve around my desire for him to finally rest and not have to shoulder all the burdens that have been put on him for any longer. So, his death definitely did that for me, and I wouldn’t change it. 

BUT it was heartbreaking to see that, for once, he genuinely did not want to die, and wanted to have time to spend with Mikasa after everything. Eren has asked to die multiple times in the past, and his death was inevitable at some point in time; so to see that in his final moments, he finally said/realized he didn’t want to go made it so bittersweet. 

The thing I’m happiest about the most is that he achieved his original goal: to kill all the titans. As a titan himself, he was always a part of that plan, so, again I’m okay with his death. But it’s a twisted, beautiful sort of tragedy that in wanting to kill himself to achieve his dream, he found a sense of personhood that made him think life was worth living [even if his goal wasn’t achieved]. 

Another important reason I believed he needed to/should have died is because I didn’t want him to have to suffer at the hands of any other government or empire again. Even if none of the shit with Marley or the other nations happened, and he found away to “free” everyone without murder, the government of Paradis wouldn’t have trusted him. They never really did. 

Eren has been locked up and/or under constant supervision since he was 15. And when he wasn’t, it’s because he was kidnapped and somebody else was preying on his death. Even when he desperately pleaded to help and showed that he wanted to use his titan to help, he was treated like a criminal, and less than human.

You can’t... you can’t treat a kid like that and expect him to turn out normal 😭😭 or to not want to go to extremes, or to become a pacifist, or to spinelessly hand over his own life and ambitions. (Honestly... think he should have started with murking a few people in Wall Sina, but whatever 🙄)

This is all to say, that if he continued to live, free of the 13 year curse, he wouldn’t have been free in any nation. He probably would have been executed, or at the very least, locked up until he died. So, I’m happy that he was able to die at his own hand (and Mikasa’s, too). 

Eren’s character

I obviously still love his character, and I don’t think his actions in the final season ruined him for way. There’s a lot to come to terms with, but I like that about him. I’ll work through all the details one day, and I’m okay with that. In fact, I don’t think Eren even ever got the chance to figure himself out independent of his titan.

His secret keeping was questionable, but not out of character. He’s always ruminated until he figures something out, or gets stuck and needs help—he’s always had the whole thing about doing everything on his own. 

Until that one conversation with him, Mikasa, and Armin after the fight with Jean in s3. I’d always read that as him beginning to understand that he didn’t have to everything on his own, and that he was going to be relying on his friends from thereon out. But, sometimes, I feel like that realization got erased...? I don’t know, maybe the more I think about it, the more it’ll make sense, but that’s one part I’m still working through. 

The only other thing I didn’t understand is how he got so smart LMAOOO. His plan and actions required quite a bit of thought, foresight, and sacrifice that he’s never really shown before; at least not to this degree. Like I said though, if you factor in how his was treated, and how his life always had an expiration date, it begins to make sense why he was so quick and insistent to act, so it’s not completely out of left field for me—and I could even make the argument that he wasn’t really that smart and was just as impulsive (ish) and hot-headed as he’s always been; but like I said, I’m still figuring it out. Not sure what it was that awakened his braincells but I’ll get there LMAOOO

Eren + Mikasa

Fuck y’all I like Eremika goodnight. I can’t help it, I’m a simple bitch: I see childhood friends to lovers, and I fold. You should too smh.

I... don’t think the little cottagecore timeline from 138 was out of character for either of them. I see the arguments that it was, and that’s cool, but I see it as something very real and plausible. 

Eren showed that he did all of this to ensure that even if he couldn’t bring peace to the whole world, at the very least, he could do his best to make sure his friends live long, happy lives. An alternate way for that would have been to give Mikasa the opportunity to spend his remaining years with him. 

Eren has always done his best Mikasa and Armin, even if his methods seemed harsh or apathetic. The way I see it, running away with Mikasa in his final year is not only becoming and telling of the kind of friend/person his is, but it would have been his way to atone for being an idiot and not acting upon his feelings [in a more traditional sense] earlier.

He knew either way it was too late, but he also knew that he owed her—and himself—even a piece of peace before it all ended, whichever way it was going to end. And I think that’s a part of Eren’s character that’s often overlooked. 

Mikasa’s ending

I think that Eren ultimately killed himself, but it’s undeniable that Mikasa helped, and I’m glad she did. If Eren was going to die by anybody’s hands, I wanted it to be Mikasa’s or Levi’s. 

I think Levi would have been symbolic, given his speech in the courtroom in s1, about how killing Eren is the best he could do, and that there was no in-between. But I’m happy with Mikasa doing it too, because, in a way, I think she ended up being able to do the one thing Levi didn’t have the physical strength left to do. I also like it as far as Mikasa’s relationship with Levi goes; she kind of becomes him in this complicated way, and it shows how far they’ve come in terms of trust. They’re a pretty good team. 

I don’t see why anyone would give her shit for sitting at Eren’s gravestone. It had been only three years since he died, and regardless of the amount of time that had passed, if it was the anniversary of his death, that’s a perfectly normal thing to do...? So many people hate her for being in love Eren and I don’t get it. She’s just mourning, and she’s well within her rights to do so. 

Actually, I think that Mikasa being shown to have loved and mourned for Eren so outwardly were the most profound displays of bravery in this whole series. 

It takes so much courage to love, especially in her world, but Mikasa has never shied away from it. I would even go so far as to argue that she is the character with the strongest sense of self and self-worth. I don’t think people realize how much it takes to know anything about yourself that assuredly—so many characters are left with unanswered questions about their world, themselves, and their place in it—but Mikasa has always known that she loves Eren. 

That’s an insanely hard thing to know and to do. And she wasn’t blind about it either, nor did she believe her love was unconditional (and if she gets shit for having hope for Eren, then so should Armin, but we know why he doesn’t get the same heat for it). She heard out the concerns of her friends, she let go of the scarf, and she killed him in the end. 

I would have liked to see her talk to Kiyoomi again, and perhaps see her being associated with that nation/country/whatever it was. But she’s still thee baddest bitch and the best girl. 

Levi

WE IN THIS BITCH!! WE ABSOLUTELY IN THIS BITCH!! 

ROUND OF APPLAUSE LADIES AND GAYS AND THEYS FOR THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND HIMSELF!! 

If he died, I would have rioted. On god. 

This is the EXACT ending I wanted for him. I’m so happy that he gets time to rest knowing that none of his decision were in vain; and that he shouldn’t regret anything he did.

l know the wheelchair was literal in the sense that he was injured, but I also think it’s metaphorical in that he no longer has to standing on his own two feet, and carry everyone on his back. For once, for fucking once, he can literally sit back and read a fucking book in peace. 

Also Gabi and Falco taking care of him is so fucking cute, I loved that so, so, so much. 

Others

I don’t think Hange needed to die, goodbye. I get why they did, and I’m glad they went out in a way they wanted do, but that doesn’t mean I’m happy about it BYE. 

Pieck is far too sexy for her titan to have been that ghastly. Porco, too. Speaking of Porcupine, I fucking love him. I didn’t think I would like him this much, but I do, and now I miss him. 

When did Connie get so s*xy

I stand by the belief that this wouldn’t have happened with Erwin around—and for the worse. Yes, I think Hange waited longer than they should have to act; but I understand they were overwhelmed, and had a lot of responsibility, and regret, clouding over them. 

That being said, I think Erwin would have been 10x worse LMFAO with all his secret keeping and mystery. With all the shit going on, all the information being revealed to Paradis, and with Eren’s own secret keeping, I don’t think Erwin’s character and way of planning would have been conducive the new environment. RIP tho Erwin, you a legend for the shit you did, big ups on that my guy. 

I... guys, I like Reiner. Like, a lot. What goes on. 

I still hate H*storia and I think she caused a lot of problems that could have been resolved relatively quickly if she left 😐��  yeah, yeah, girl power or whatever, but I don’t like it. I don’t like her. Bye. 

I have more thoughts on Marley and the other nations, but that’s a whole separate rant that I will spare you from for now 

[destieltropecollection]

Destiel Trope Collection 2020 Day 20: Mutual Pining

An Old Feeling | @deservetobesaved

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1741 Main Tags/Warnings: post season 12, jealous!dean, love confession Summary: Castiel thinks Dean will never love him back so he decides to try and move on. Cue jealous!Dean and confessions galore.

To Catch a Spark | zaphodsgirl (AO3)

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2364 Main Tags/Warnings: Misunderstandings, Fluff Summary: Cas has been acting pretty clumsy lately and Dean is a little worried.

Falling Awake | @specsofwings

Rating: General Word Count: 2530 Main Tags/Warnings: Love confessions, Cas and Dean being idiots, The Cosmic Entity Summary: After Michael is killed by Team Free Will 2.0, Dean ends up in the Empty, Michael's grace pulling a sliver of his consciousness there. The Cosmic Entity calls him out on not realising Castiel is in love with him. Dean needs to decide what to do with that information as he wakes up home.

Personal Space | @notfunnydean

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 2859 Main Tags/Warnings: NSFW, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot. Masturbation, Masturbation Interruptus, Voyeur Castiel Summary: It’s been four weeks since the last time Dean actually had time for himself and he just wants to crawl into his bed and finally jack off. Sadly he says a certain name and Castiel shows up and not to interrupt.

That Game We Played | @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 3139 Main Tags/Warnings: Valentine's Day, Castiel/Dean Winchester in the Men of Letters Bunker, Broken Thermostat, Castiel is Not Oblivious, Naked Cuddling Summary: “You know what?” Dean mutters, mostly to himself. He really is trying to be less of a jerk - but he can’t seem to help it. It’s Valentine’s day, and it’s hot. So he decides to stop talking, and takes off his jacket, a deep blue leather utility, and shucks it away on a counter. Cas seems to find this interesting, his eyes following Dean around the room; so then Dean does the first thing that comes to mind. He walks over to Cas, and holds his hand out. Cas stares at it, like he’s trying to figure out the purpose of its existence. Dean helps him, because he’s awesome like that. “Your coat.” Because why the fuck not?

Get out of my head | @notfunnydean

Rating: General Word Count: 3216 Main Tags/Warnings: Cursed, Mind Reading, dean and cas get cursed, mind reading Summary: When a witch puts some sort of spell on Dean and Castiel, they start to hear each other’s thoughts. Dean tries very hard to keep a secret, but Castiel has to insist.

May I ask for this dance | @notfunnydean

Rating: General Word Count: 3225 Main Tags/Warnings: Dean needs Cas' help on a case, Masquerade Ball, dancing on his feet Summary: When Dean asks Castiel to accompany him at an undercover investigation at a masquerade ball, to find the witch who killed a lot of people, Castiel wants it to be a date. Only problem, he can’t dance, so he asks Sam for help.

You aren't a monster | @notfunnydean

Rating: General Word Count: 3782 Main Tags/Warnings: misunderstandings Summary: When Bobby and Sam start to believe Castiel is actually on the bad side, Dean tries to defend his angel. He wouldn’t let them kill his best friend but unfortunately Castiel hears the wrong snippet of the conversation and ends up hurting Dean badly.

And I swear | @notfunnydean

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 4413 Main Tags/Warnings: two idiots in love, Jealous!Cas, Arthur is not in the fic but mentioned a lot, Abusive Relationships, hurt!Dean, Break Up Summary: Dean knows that Arthur is treating him badly, but he had worse in his life and besides, it’s not like the person he really loves wants him back.

your eyes will lead me straight back home | @elizaeverafter

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 4602 Main Tags/Warnings: no archive warnings apply, fake/pretend relationship, mutual pining, fluff, light angst, romantic comedy, friends to lovers, au modern setting, jealousy, castiel POV Summary: When Dean hatches a plan to go to Charlie's wedding with Castiel to avoid being bothered about remaining single, Castiel knows this isn't going to go well. But he hasn't been able to refuse Dean so far, so why would this act of being in a relationship be any different? And if Castiel feels like exploding and blurting out his feelings the whole time, well, that's his problem.

The War Within You | @verobatto-angelxhunter

Rating: Mature Word Count: 9770 Main Tags/Warnings: Destiel, season 6 canon divergent, first kiss, mutual pining, slow burn, love confession, eventual Human!Cas, angst with a happy ending. Summary: Sam Is back from the cage but something is wrong with him, and Dean knows it. He must call Castiel for help... But not just for that... There's something forbidden burning inside him that makes his mind go crazy. He needs to be near the angel.

The Meaning of Everything | @verobatto-angelxhunter

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 17000 Main Tags/Warnings: Destiel, canonverse, post s14 canon divergent, mutual pining, first kiss, love confession, explicit sexual content, canon typical violence, angst with a happy ending, vessel sharing, winged Cas Summary: Chuck is the bad guy, and he broke with his snap Heaven, Hell and Purgatory. The chaos is all over the Earth. But Billie has a plan, they need to work together to raise Jack as the New God. Dean and Cas will try to solve their issues, but something unexpected will happen that will separate them again.

The Alpha Next Door (WIP) | @Destielshipper4Cas

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 16767 Main Tags/Warnings: Strangers to Lovers, First Time, Omega Castiel, Alpha Dean, Past Abuse Summary: When Cas is placed in WitSec, he gets a fake secondary gender designation to go along with his new name, ‘Jimmy.’ All he has to do until the boss of the omega trafficking ring he escaped is behind bars is keep a low profile, always apply his alpha scent, and not fall in love with an alpha. Well—two out of three ain’t too bad… Dean has never had a crush on an alpha before. Along comes his new neighbor, Jimmy, an alpha who is alphasexual. There’s just something about him, and to his utter confusion, he finds himself falling for an alpha for the first time in his life.

Guardian Angel | @notfunnydean

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 19486 Main Tags/Warnings: Homeless Dean Winchester, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Virgin!Dean, Abusive John Winchester, Canon-Typical Violence Summary: Everybody in the world has his own guardian angel, to keep them safe and protect them. Only "bad people" are without a guardian angel. Maybe that's why Dean is alone.

Little Blue Dragon | @saltnhalo

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 23820 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Magic, Blacksmith Dean Winchester, Mage Sam Winchester, Creature Castiel, Dragon Castiel, Pining, Soulmates, Minor Violence, Frottage Summary: Dean Winchester may have a reputation for being a skilled craftsman and blacksmith, but his life is just like anyone else’s. He’s over-worked and under-slept, and it’s all because of the niggling feeling in the back of his mind that tells him he’s… forgetting something. Still, he can’t let his weird dreams or errant thoughts get in the way of his work and his love for his craft. The strange feeling goes ignored. That is, until he meets a man with jewel-blue eyes and an aura of intrigue. Castiel slots into his life in a way that Dean had never thought possible, and Dean grows accustomed to the mysterious man’s visits and brilliant smiles and tales of far-away places. He’d never known he was missing a piece of himself until he met Castiel, and he thinks that Cas might feel the same way. Until Castiel disappears from Dean’s life completely.

Dislocation | @pray4jensen

Rating: Mature Word Count: 24514 Main Tags/Warnings: Mutual Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending Summary: After the sun is restored and the Woman of Letters banishes Castiel, he falls and becomes human, lost and alone in a place far from home. Four hundred and fifty-one days later, Sam finds him. He tells Castiel that Dean is alive. So they go. They go and they arrive at the bunker and Sam’s acting strange and there’s something that he’s not telling Castiel, something about Dean. And then Castiel finally reunites with Dean. And there is something about Dean. Something about Dean that has Dean pulling Castiel into tight embraces, something about Dean that has Dean running his thumb across Castiel’s cheek with a tender look in his eyes, and something about Dean that has Dean shaking when Castiel says certain things to him, things that are normal, things that should not affect him this way. There is something about Dean that no one is telling him.

Sending A Raven | @saltnhalo

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 38677 Main Tags/Warnings: Vikings, Magic, Temporary Character Death, Established Relationship, Leader Dean Winchester, Explicit Sexual Content, Violence, Dean/Cas Pinefest 2019, Viking Dean Winchester, Viking Castiel, BAMF Castiel (Supernatural), BAMF Dean Winchester, Mutual Pining, Angst Summary: When Dean, the Viking jarl of Týrvik, leaves on a raid to combat the enemy warriors attacking their ships, his husband Castiel is left to protect and lead the village. The ships return barely a week later, with damaged timbers and a devastated, leader-less crew, and suddenly Castiel finds himself not only in a position of leadership for which he is ill-equipped, but terrified for the safety of his captured husband. With the possibility of a spy somewhere in the village’s midst, Castiel leaves his people under Sam’s care and departs on the journey north to where they think Dean is being held, in a desperate attempt to rescue him before it’s too late.

Twenty Years | @ioasccel

Rating: Mature Word Count: 39501 Main Tags/Warnings: Angst, pining, religious themes, Summary: A profound bond between a Priest and the one he loves the most that spans decades. Father Novak’s love of God is tested by one Dean Winchester. A story of a priest driven by love and tortured by desire. All about forbidden love, heart break, and an eventually a happily ever after.

It's A Long Life to Always Be Longing | @pomegranatedaffodil

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 40685 Main Tags/Warnings: Canon Divergence, Spells and Enchantments, Road Trips, Angst with a Happy Ending Summary: Dean’s life has always been dictated by duty rather than by need. So when Amara offers to give him the thing he needs most, he doesn’t know what to expect, but it certainly isn’t this: a chance to rest, some time away from his life and his burdens. Now he’s trapped in an enchanted sleep, unable to bring himself back to the waking world. It’s up to Sam and Castiel to gather the components of a spell that will bring Dean back to them. Through road trips, honest conversations, and a lot of patience, they’ll make sure Dean comes home. And when he does, maybe he and Castiel will finally have a chance to act on long-buried feelings brought to the surface by their enforced separation. Canon-divergent from the end of 11.23.

The Handyman's Special | @carrieosity

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 51456 Main Tags/Warnings: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Mutual Pining, Humor and Fluff, Human AU, Low-angst, Top!Castiel/Bottom!Dean Summary: Dr. Dean Winchester, professor of Mechanical Engineering, was full of confidence in his own abilities when he decided to purchase a fixer-upper house to rehab and remodel on his own. Now, standing in the middle of his new house and praying the floors won’t cave in, he’s realizing that determination and academic brilliance might only take him so far this time. The bigger problem: his overconfidence in the face of other people’s doubts (ahem, Sam) means that asking for help now will mean swallowing a whole lot of pride…and he’d rather not. Hiring a secret contractor to do the work without telling anyone seems like the perfect solution. Accidentally hiring an amazingly hot secret contractor wasn’t part of the plan. And when Sam overhears a conversation and starts connecting dots, a snap decision and another lie on top the first leads to a ridiculous balancing act of fake stories, pretend relationships, and one hell of a renovation tale.

Escaping Neverland | @emblue-sparks

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 84004 Main Tags/Warnings: Major Warning: Underage(only first 30k, no underage sex), Mental health issues, Identity issues, failed family placements, Mention of past traumas Tags: Adventure Romance AU with canon elements Storybook I-1995 Storybook II- 2015 Heavily inspired by Peter Pan,Completely Destiel despite first pairing, read to learn how, NO MCD(Sam Dean Cas)Canon character deaths, TAGS FOR 1995: Practices & rituals of Sumerian/Greek/Judeo Christian faiths, Dean/Jimmy slow burn, heart failure, kidney/pancreatic failure, dialysis, Found Family, John's the dad his kids deserve, LGBTQ positive parents, First kiss disaster, First DateHoliday, our island/our rules, sad boys, memorial rituals, Heart Transplant, Mourning Rituals TAGS FOR 2015: Everyone supports therapy, Incorrect demon summoning, Latin, Scottish Gaelic, Enochian, Professor/Rookie Hunter!Sam, Nurse!Dean, Orchard Owner/Beekeeper!Cas,Tattooed Dean, burger date, Frottage, Shower Deansturbation,Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Cum kink, Biting kink, Switch boys, Heavy surgical scarring, Dean knows ASL, Strange Dreams, Collective nightmares, Canon adjacent realms: Hoya Baciu Forest Romania, Caria Turkey, Chaos, Mythical Greek creatures, Temporarily fanged Benny, Some villainous ferrymen, Some badass ferrymen, Overly confident dick in a boat, Destiel Ever After, Happy Ending GUARANTEED, Dean/Cas Big Bang Challenge 2019 Summary: Lawrence 1995- Sixteen year old Dean Winchester finds himself in St. Luke's Children's Hospital after an electrocution severely damages his heart. On unit Neverland he meets Jimmy, a smartass with multiple organ failure and an expiration date. They discover an immediate spark which becomes an enduring flame. But Dean struggles accepting Jimmy's fate as well as his own, if a heart cannot be found in time. As his efforts to evade the ultimate marauder are weakening, he begins drawing strength from the misfit teens of Neverland East, learning the power of found family. Lebanon 2015- Dean finally joins Sam, Jo, and Charlie in the bunker. But unexpectedly meeting Castiel, who shares an unsettling likeness to Jimmy and an equally traumatic childhood, threatens to destroy two decades of hard work moving beyond the devastating events which occurred at St. Luke's. They'd be perfect for each other, if both weren’t so damn broken. As their involvement deepens, rookie hunter Sam works a case of rising juvenile deaths, revealing a shocking connection to the surviving Neverlanders. One that's been calling them all along to perilous adventure.

After All These Years | @peanutbutterjelly-pie

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 99909 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe, Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Single Parent Dean, Reunion, Slow Burn Summary: In which Dean finds himself at a wedding as Jo's fake boyfriend against his will, groaning and complaining the whole time, but still trying to appear all handsome and perfect and utterly in love since he's an awesome friend like that (and since Jo would make his life a living hell otherwise). And just when he begins to think that it won't be so bad to eat tons of free food and let his daughter Emma enjoy the festivity his gaze suddenly meets the two bluest eyes in existence and the world stops to move for a moment. Because of course the groom's brother turns out to be his old high school crush Castiel – the only person Dean was never able to forget – and things start to become really complicated all of a sudden.

[corgidreamsworld]

Love, Victor Season 2 *spoilers*

Love, Victor came out on Friday with 10 episodes of pure growth and development. Something we have all been hoping for. Season one was an excellent start to a story that everyone craved more for and made you think. Now that the show is no longer under the watchful eye of Disney, it really shines and makes you want more and yell at the very end.

This season we see character growth and in-depth conversations that the first season was lacking. Victor is finishing up the summer after being coming out to his parents, who decided to separate. This is quite a lot going on in his life that we see him struggle with throughout the season. But the good news is that Benji is his boyfriend, and their first summer as a couple is fantastic. Seeing Victor and Benji being happy is something that everyone can sign to heaven about. Personally, I like Benji. However, I feel that his character is not indeed developed until this season. In addition, Victor's Mom, Isabel, is not as accepting as his father Armando of his sexuality which builds up throughout the season and causes conflict in almost every episode.

Now just looking at Victor and Benji's after the summer on cloud 9, you can slowly see the issues build up until they boil over. In every episode, we see the couple struggle with Isabel not accepting Benji and barely acknowledging that Victor is gay. This is a weight that the couple tries to pick up; however it becomes too heavy towards the end. In the beginning, Benji was accepting and understanding. Still, then as time goes by, you can see him grow more frustrated and lose his sparkle around Victor. Even though the couple has excellent profound, vulnerable moments through the season, they really lack communication skills to work through their problems. They are 16-year-olds, so that makes sense, but it is frustrating to watch them talk back and forth without expressing how they feel genuinely. This is mainly on Benji's side because he says he understands when he feels terrible that his boyfriend's Mom doesn't acknowledge him. Then on his birthday, which everyone in their lifetime is gonna have a shit birthday and Benji's day was that day, secrets begin to come out.

Benji is a whole alcoholic, apparently. Did not see that coming at all. I was very caught off guard when this came out and was like, wow, why didn't he ever say anything. I think this is the downfall of the writers, not because they make Benji an alcoholic but because his character is underdeveloped. We really don't actually know Benji. We know bits and pieces but not his story. When his Mom, who tries her best, you can tell, spills his secret at dinner in front of Victor, we see the shame overcome Benji, and he does not handle it well. Victor doesn't understand why he didn't tell him, and Benji somewhat lets him know how he feels, and Victor feels some type of way. And this is when shit hits the fan. They have an argument, and you can see that all the build-up from the issues with Victor's mother comes has impacted Benji, and he is over it! Now on some levels, you can see where he is coming from. However, Benji never really expressed these things to Victor and was not transparent about how he was feeling. This is why Victor is hurt by what he said. They later make up, which is it really making up if you don't talk through the issues and just have makeup sex? I digress. His Mom walks in, and then once again, shit hits the fan, and Benji is pissed. He gets outed as an addict, and then his boyfriend and Mom just disregard him, and he just explodes.

In the next episode, neither of the two acknowledge that they were both somewhat wrong, and they do not speak for a good minute. Victor loses contact with Benji and begins to freak out. It seems to be from a genuine place of concern, but to Benji, it says, "my boyfriend is an addict, and he is gonna relapse." Victor also tells Rahim, a whole new character who is a delight on the screen, that Benji drinks, which is not the best move because this breaks trust in their relationship. Benji decides that they need a break, which hurts not only Victor's heart but ours.

I would like to note, personally, I think Benji has issues with admitting his actual faults. I think we have seen him be this guy be sweet and understanding. Now we see him in an unflattering light, which is refreshing because he is a human who has feelings, and he has been sweeping them under the rug. He's not perfect, and he actually is not that accepting as we, and he likes to think he is. When confronted that he should apologize because he is not perfect, he is like no way. Victor and Rahim point out that Benji is white and is privileged, which seems out of pocket, but it's valid because this is something I knew would happen when season one came out. They come from very different backgrounds. Their situations are vastly different, and Benji acts like Victor has more control without understanding where Victor or his family is coming from. Benji had a completely different experience of coming out. It was not tremendous nor perfect; his parents accepted him and are proud of his progress. Victor does not have that, and Benji knows this, but I guess he wants more from him at the same time. However, that being said, Benji is in his right to his feelings about the situation, and Victor should have been checking in on his partner's feelings to make sure that he was okay. When you are in a relationship, the feelings of both matter; both partners have to work to understand the other and support them. Both characters try, but they fall flat. It is easy to shit on Benji, and while he was not at his greatest towards the end, a lot of this was hard on him, and he was trying his best.

Victor stood up for himself this season and tried to make everyone happy however this is his first relationship. Then it was hard for him to be out at times. He truly cares about Benji, but he got lost in many things surrounding him, and he neglected his boyfriend at times. Or his feelings, if anything. He made excuses for his Mom without acknowledging that she was causing significant issues to his relationship and himself as her son. I hope that this season was a lesson learned and that he works harder to show up for Benji as a mutual partner.

Rahim is a new character, and when I say he is a breath of fresh air, he really is. He just brings a particular light to show, and I enjoyed it when he was on the screen. He and Victor have similar backgrounds, which brings them to a certain level of connection. They just seem to flow so well together, and I wasn't surprised that they felt connected. They go to Mia's dad's wedding together and dance and kiss. Now Victor has to pick between the two boys, and I do not know who he should choose. He loves Benji, but they would have to do a lot of work to heal the relationship. He and Rahim just have a spark together, but it's new, and he does not love Rahim. We see on TV that the first person a gay guy gets with is his first love, and they stay together for an unreasonable amount of time. They maybe get with one other person, but usually, they end up with their first love, which is not always realistic. Versus straight characters who go through love interests like they do underwear. It can be jarring to see a couple you are routing for end up breaking up, and then they date other people, but that's real life. That brings us to cliff hanger of the last episode, which was utter bullshit. Doing cliffhangers is dangerous nowadays because networks cancel show no matter how good they are. It is pretty risky and just frustrating for the fans.

After all of that, the season was terrific. It had a certain level of growth that was needed, and it really showed up. I only touched on Victor and Benji, but all the characters really grew, and their stories improved and make you pay attention to them as well. Was it perfect? No. Is it supposed to be? No. If you enjoyed the first season, you would enjoy the second season even more. You will want the intimacy the show carries with the characters and the conversations.

[fandomrewrites]

Season 3a; Episode 8: Visionary

Hello all! I hope you enjoy this chapter and as always constructive criticism is appreciated. Make sure to answer my pinned post and let me know if you want to be added to my taglist!

Season 3a; Episode 8: Visionary

Pairings: Scott McCall x Twin Sister, Lydia Martin x Best Friend, Isaac Lahey x Reader

Warnings: Mention of death

Word Count: 2,192

Season 3a masterlist

Stiles asked me to go to Derek's loft with him so we can find out when Derek would be back from hiding. Cora's response was to tell us a story about Peter and Derek hiding in a root cellar when hunters found them. 

"They stayed there for two days. Hiding and waiting." She finished the story. "It's what we were taught to do when hunters found us. Hide and heal."

She turned to look at Stiles and I as Stiles started talking again, "So is two days standard? Or are we thinking Derek's on an extended getaway?"

I lightly hit Stiles on the shoulder and glare at him, "He needs time."

"And why do you care anyway?" Cora asks.

"Because in the last few weeks, my best friend almost killed himself, his boss nearly got ritually sacrificed, a girl I've known since I was three was ritually sacrificed, Boyd was killed by Alphas- do you really need me to go on? Because I can. For like an hour." Stiles rants.

"You think Derek can do anything about it?"

"Since he's the one everyone seems to be after, it's more like he should do something about it."

"Stiles, it's not that easy and you know it. It never is. He's going to need help. He can't do anything without the rest of us." I say.

"I don't even know if he can do anything." Cora whispers, "There's something about him now. He wasn't like this when I knew him."

"Well, what was he like?" Stiles asks.

"A lot like Scott actually." Peter says as he walks down the stairs.

Stiles jumps as he turns to the werewolf who continues, "A lot like most teeangers. Unbearably romantic. Profoundly narcissistic. Tolerable really only to other teenagers."

"So what changed him?" 

"The same thing that changes a lot of young men. A girl."

"Some girl broke his little heart and that's why he's like that?"

"Stiles!" I scold. Stiles throws his hands up in mock surrender.

"The details are a bit more textured. You remember before Derek was an Alpha his eyes were blue? Do you know why some werewolves have blue eyes?" Peter quizzes.

"I thought it was a genetics thing." Stiles shrugs.

"Genetics? Come on, Stiles. Don't reduce our nature to something as boring and mechanical as DNA. You want to know what changed Derek? Then you need to know what changed the color of his eyes." Peter states.

We sit down as Peter starts telling us the story of Derek and his first love. A quiet girl named Paige. She was a musician who caught Derek's eye at school one day.

Rain was pounding down on the window as Peter was telling the story. "So if Derek was a sophomore back then how old was he?" Stiles asks.

"He was probably about 16. That's how old we were as sophomore's." I say, shrugging.

Stiles nods then looks at Peter, "How old were you? How old are you now?" Stiles asks.

"Not as young as we could have been, but not as old as you might think." Peter vaguely answers.

I narrow my eyes in confusion as Stiles says, "That was frustratingly vague." He turns to Cora, "How old are you?"

"Seventeen." She answers.

Stiles turns back to Peter, "See? That's an answer."

"Seventeen the way you would count it in your years." Cora continues.

"What?" I ask, even more confused by that response.

"Forget I asked." Stiles says, shaking his head. "What happened to Derek and Cello Girl?"

"Her name was Paige." Peter corrects. Cora, Stiles and I exchange looks at his odd tone.

It abruptly disappears as he continues, "What do you think happened? They were teenagers. One minute it was 'I hate you. Don't talk to me.' The next it was frantic groping in any dark corner they could manage to be alone for five minutes."

I scrunch my face up, not wanting to picture a young Derek being sexual. "Their favorite dark corner was an empty distillery outside of Beacon Hills."

"Alright, hold up." Stiles stops the older werewolf, "How do you know all this? You just said they were alone."

"And back then I wasn't just Derek's uncle. I was his closest friend. His most trusted confidante. That's how I knew."

"Your telling me Derek didn't have better friends?" I ask.

Stiles mouth twitches up to a smile as Peter glares at me, "Right sorry. I just assumed that you were always a sociopath. Please continue the story." I wave my hand gesturing for him to continue.

Peter closes his eyes for a brief moment and sighs. Once his eyes open back up he continues the story, telling us about the meeting of Alpha's and how the hunter's killed someone in Ennis's pack.

As he's telling the story, he traces a spiral on the window. "Our mark for vendetta. One that wouldn't end until Ennis was satisfied."

"You guys really take the revenge thing to a whole new level, don't you?" Stiles asks.

"It's not just revenge. Losing one of your pack isn't like a death in the family. It's like losing a limb." Cora states.

"For you, (Y/N), it will probably be worse." Peter adds.

"Because I'm a Zeta?" I question, raising an eyebrow. Peter nods, "Well let's hope no one in the pack dies then."

"Anyways, they wouldn't even let him see the body." Peter continues.

"I don't get it." Cora says. "Why are we hearing the Ennis revenge epic? What does any of that have to do with Derek?"

"Everything. Don't you know how these things happen? It's never one moment. It's a confluence of events. A tragedy of timing. Personally, I looked at Ennis's circumstance and saw a profound loss. Derek saw something different. He saw opportunity." Peter replies.

"To do what?" Stiles asks.

"To always be with her." 

"He wanted Paige to get the bite?" I question, a look of realization crossing my face.

Peter nods. "The thing is, though. He had this constant fear. He was obsessing over it. Thinking about it. All night. All day. It was always on his mind."

He pauses for a moment, "I kept telling him not to do it. But every day the more he thought about it, the more he was convinced. You know how teenagers are. I bet even he blames me now. He's probably convinced himself that it was all my idea."

I instantly roll my eyes, the only thought running through my head is that he probably did put it in Derek's head. As the story continues, pack Emissary gets brought up.

Cora starts to explain the role of the Emissary, "But they're mostly a secret in the pack. Sometimes only the Alpha knows who the Emissary is. Derek and I never knew anything about Deaton."

"Or his sister, Morrell." Peter adds.

"She's an Emissary too?" Stiles asks.

"For the Alpha pack."

"Our guidance counselor? Why the hell don't you people tell me this stuff? I said some very personal things to her."

I rest my hand on Stiles leg and lightly squeeze to provide him some comfort. "Did she give you good advice?" Cora asks.

"Actually, yeah."

"That's what they do. It's what Deaton used to do for Talia." Peter says. He then continues the story, telling us that Ennis was the Alpha asked to bite Paige.

"Ennis? You asked him to do it?" Cora asks.

"Why not? He needed a new pack member. Paige was young and strong. Doing a favor for Derek would mean Ennis would be in good with Talia. Back then, everyone wanted to be in good with her."

"So what happened? Did he turn her?" Stiles impatiently questions.

Peter explains that Ennis bit her at the school one night. Derek tried to fight him off after he changed his mind but it was too late. "He doesn't remember it was Ennis, does he?" Stiles asks.

"If he does, he keeps it to himself."

"Like everything else."

"So did she turn?" Cora asks.

"She should have. And most of the time it takes. It does. The bite heals. There's a change in reflexes. All the senses heighten. Most of the time." Peter replies.

"Wait. What do you mean most of the time? Derek said he’s never heard of anyone being immune" Stiles states.

"That’s because no one is." Peter nods. He then explains how Derek took her to the root cellar, the nemeton. When he realized that she was dying he tried to take away her pain but it was too much. He killed her to end her suffering.

"Poor Derek." I say, as the story finishes.

"I remember taking her body from his arms. I carried her out of the woods to a spot I knew she would be found. It was another in a long line of Beacon Hills animal attacks."

"What about Derek?" Cora questions her uncle.

"He wouldn't leave the root cellar. Taking an innocent life takes something from you as well. It takes a little bit of brightness from your soul. Darkening it. Dimming a brilliant, golden yellow to a cold, steel blue. Just like mine." He flashes his eyes as we look at him. 

*_*_*_*_*_*

After Peter leaves, Stiles and I sit on the steps of the loft. Cora stands in front of us, "What? You both have this look on your face."

"What look?" Stiles asks.

"The kind that makes me feel like punching you."

I bite my tongue, stopping myself from saying something rude, "You're definitely related Derek." Stiles says.

"What's with the look?" Cora asks once more.

"I don't believe him." Stiles states.

"I was thinking the same thing." I state.

"Why would he lie?" Cora asks us.

"Because he's Peter? A manipulative, compulsive, sociopathic, liar." I say.

"It's like... In Ms. Blake's class we're reading Heart of Darkness. It's in first person, right? Narrated by Marlowe." Stiles starts explaining.

"Really starting to want to punch you now, Stiles." Cora says. My mouth twitches up into a smile.

I tilt my head down to hide it as Stiles continues, "But he's an Unreliable Narrator. The story he's telling? There's details that you just know changed because of his perspective."

"So we got the story from Peter's perspective. So what?"

"So, I don't think we got the whole story."

"There's three sides to every story. The two people in it and the truth." I say shrugging as both turn their attention to me. “What? I read it somewhere.”

"What? Are you guys going to ask Derek about the girl he fell in love with and then killed?" Cora asks.

"If we have to... yeah." Stiles answers.

*_*_*_*_*_*

Once Stiles dropped me off back home I quickly went to my room to get ready for bed. I pushed my door open and jumped when I saw Isaac sitting on my bed. "Shit. Don't do that." I place my hand over my heart.

Isaac cracks a smile, "Sorry. I've been waiting for you."

"Stiles and I were at Derek's talking to Cora and Peter." I say as I sit beside him.

"About what?" 

"Peter was telling us a story about Derek when he was younger."

Isaac nods. I watch him carefully as he stares at my comforter, "What wrong?" I ask.

He turns his head to me, "I-" He pauses. I raise an eyebrow waiting for him to continue. "Sorry, I just don't know how to start."

"Take your time. But you know you can tell me anything." I smile at him.

He nods and licks his lips. He flickers his eyes down then looks back at him, turning his body so he is fully facing me. "I think we should stop having sex."

"Oh?" I blink in surprise. 

"It's just- I'm pretty sure you're not ready for a real relationship. And I want something more. I don't want to pressure you into anything that you aren't ready for but I can't keep doing this."

I nod, "I understand." I look down at my hands as I start playing with them, "I honestly haven't really thought much about if I'm ready for a relationship or not. I've been so busy thinking about the Darach and Alpha pack."

"Maybe someday we can try this again." 

I look back up and whisper, "I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize. I know that you loved Nate and he hurt you a lot. And I'm okay, really."

"I guess we just fell for each other at the wrong time." I sadly smile at him.

He lightly laughs, "Yeah, you can say that again."

"Just because we're stopping this though doesn't mean that you can't talk to me, okay? I still care about you."

"Same goes for you." I lean over and give him a tight hug. Once I let go he smiles one last time then walks out of my room, shutting the door behind him.

Once the door is closed, I flop back on my bed to stare up at my ceiling. Thoughts of what went wrong and why I couldn’t be committed running through my mind.

~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist:  @crazy-fan-101 @rogershoe @judayyyw

[adventures-in-poly]

0 Posts in 2020

You’d think that I’d have something Very Profound to say about the interactions between the pandemic and poly, but it turns out I haven’t wanted to write about that subject very much at all. I won’t say that the pandemic has sucked all the inspiration from my brain, just that it has shuffled inspiration around in unexpected ways and away from writing.

The pandemic has felt like it’s pressed the pause button on my poly life. My husband (M) can’t go out on dates because OTHER PEOPLE ARE DANGEROUS. I also can’t go out on dates for the same reason, but moreover, I choose not to go on dates because I’m just So Damn Exhausted. I’ve seen my boyfriend (Crow) only three times this year: once before the pandemic and twice since, and that’s only possible because his house has this large porch where we can do social distancing outside. I haven’t kissed him since January and I’ve only hugged him once, masks on and faces turned away, and I held my breath the whole time. I haven’t had sex with anyone in over a year, and I can’t even “blame” that on the pandemic. It’s a choice. Guess I’ve gone full asexual, and I say “guess” because, while asexual is an accurate descriptor, I still don’t feel really great about adopting that as a personal identity. I’m not even upset about the no sex part though. I’m happy about it. My Magic Wand knows exactly what I want and all the nuances of my body and it’s much less painful than skin on skin.

The pandemic is NOT a good thing. It is NOT a good thing that millions of people have died, and it is NOT a good thing that we as a community are touch-starved and relationship-starved and can’t seem to figure our shit out.

That said.

I’m going to be honest. It has felt nice not having to worry, poly-wise. I hate that that’s a thing that I feel, but this blog is and has always meant to be about honesty. It feels like a relief knowing that I am not going to be in a situation where I have to watch my husband drunkenly and sloppily hit on other women at parties that we are meant to both enjoy. It feels like a relief knowing that he isn’t going to tell me, “I’m going to meet someone that I’ve been talking to on Tinder”, that the bomb isn’t going to fall on me. Because that’s what it is. “I came in like a wrecking ball.” The fear that someone else will enter our lives - my life - and I’ll have no control over it, and I’ll hate it, and I’ll lose myself.

I have a lifelong fear of being replaced. Of being “not good enough”. I hesitate to call it a fear of being unlovable, because I’ve never doubted that people love me and like me. I think they do. But the fear is that, when my needs butt up against someone else’s, theirs will always win. As a child, my parents taught me all about caring for other people, being generous, being self sacrificing, being kind. They immigrated to the US from England a few years before I was born, and as a result, I was brought up with a European mindset (others before yourself) in an American environment (look out for number one). And, as a result -- even though my parents were extraordinarily caring, even though I was an only child, even though they were generous with their time and attention, even though I had a very happy childhood -- I somehow learned that I would always be second place. Always the one to sleep on the floor at sleepovers so the guest or the host could get the bed. Always the one to get a boring piece of cake so a louder and therefore more deserving child could get the piece with the flower. Petty shit like that that translated into real adult problems. Just two nights ago, on New Year’s Eve, I had told my husband I’d wanted us to change the sheets, and as I ascended the stairs to bed I forlornly reminded him that we hadn’t changed the sheets - terrified and fully preparing myself to be let down because he was having a good time at an online New Year’s Eve party and of course that meant that my needs would subside. (They didn’t. The world doesn’t work like that. My husband shows me over and over again that my needs are important to him, and yet I Still Never Learn.)

I can say with full honestly that I am no longer really jealous of my boyfriend and his wife anymore. I used to be, a little. I used to be jealous that he would want to visit her at her shift before he came over for dates, or that he’d want to bring her to casual outings with me, or that at any point the two of them could decide they’d want to move back to San Diego and that would be that. I don’t feel those things anymore. I haven’t for a long time. It’s some sort of consequence of she and I becoming legitimate good friends, plus me and my husband moving an hour away, plus just being too damn old and too damn tired to give shits anymore.

Then again, their relationship was never the kind that was going to prick my skin up and put me on guard. I was the new person, not her. I don’t have a complex about older, more established relationships.

But the idea of my husband finding somebody new, even though our relationship is solid? Sends me into chaos. Even now. I wish I could say that it’s changed in the 5 years since we opened things up, but it hasn’t. It hasn’t really at all.

I’d wanted this blog to document my journey from new to seasoned poly, from a jealous wreck to someone who had learned to love herself and meditate through the pain. That’s not what happened. I’m not sure if it’s ever going to happen. My husband hasn’t had enough actual relationships to give me practice experiencing the very discomfort that makes me want to scream until my insides explode out, and the few times it has happened, I felt like I was living in a shock chamber and turning into the kind of person I don’t want to be.

I wanted to evolve, for the sake of my readers, into someone who fully accepts a poly lifestyle. To show that it can be done. No -- to show, specifically, that I could do it, that I could logic and reason my way through all the shit and prove myself to be better than my jealousy. I don’t think that’s what’s going to end up happening. I think it’s no secret at this point that I don’t really love this whole poly thing. I am still actively choosing it, but not always for reasons that I endorse. What if I decided I didn’t want to do it anymore? Would I lose my husband? Would I lose my boyfriend? Could I ethically give up my relationship with my boyfriend to create monogamy with my husband? Could I ethically ask my husband not to go on dates while I still retain my relationship with my boyfriend? It’s all shit, really. None of it is a good outcome. And the pandemic has allowed me to stall my non-decisions for a year because it’s not like we can see other people anyway. And isn’t it great when some external force gives you a reprieve from the things you’re afraid of.

But while the pandemic has put my poly life on pause, it’s put my healing and growth around poly stuff on pause as well. Sure, it feels fucking great on the surface, but it’s not actual growth. I’m not forever in a place where I will feel secure. It’s going to end eventually (vaccinate me, babyyyyyyyy!!!), and the parties will start again, and the dates will start again, and my terrified introvert ass is afraid that everything collectively will swing in the opposite direction super hard. Free love! Casual sex everywhere! Everyone wants to hang out all the time! How could you possibly want to be alone at a time like this! And that fear extends beyond poly stuff and beyond just me and my husband - I’m not ready for the world to become a giant party. I don’t want that world. I don’t want to live in that world but I also don’t want to miss out on the collective bonding experience that is almost sure to come from the end of Covid. So the reprieve I’m feeling now is only surface level great because it’s a pause, not an end, and I don’t feel any more equipped to deal with my jealousy and my social anxiety and my feelings of not being good enough than I did at the beginning of this damn pandemic.

Part of me wishes I could “get over my shit”, and part of me wants to cling onto my shit and defend it. Like why am I the one who has to change, why am I the one who has to evolve, what’s wrong with feeling the way I feel? Why is this a “my shit” thing, like I’m alone and all my problems are caused by my own feelings? Why do other people NeEeEeEeEd to go on dates and have sex. Why does my husband need that. Why am I not good enough. Why is the problem that I feel jealousy and insecurity; why is the problem not that he feels [insert whatever he feels here. unsatisfied? no, that’s not it. incapable of being fully satisfied by a single person? that seems extreme. incapable of surrounding himself with platonic friendships in the way that comes so naturally to me and many of my women friends, and much more able to connect with people he is in a romantic/sexual relationship with, and so needs to create many romantic/sexual relationships to fill that void that otherwise would be filled with friendships - which is not actually something I believe about him, I think he could make really great friendships with the right tools, but is something he’s expressed to me and is also something that’s pretty common around people raised as men? is that too harsh?]

I’m trying to look for a good ending for this post, but, like an explanation for my feelings, I don’t think I’m going to find satisfaction here.

[the-trashy-phoenix]

Supernatural season 6 review (part 2)

Link to part 1:

Irene and I have already finished watching season 6 and I have mixed feelings on it. I immediately noticed the difference between this season and the previous ones, and I think it's not necessarily a bad thing, although probably the whole season can't compete with the previous two. All in all I didn't mind it at all, despite it definitely not being my favorite season, because it contains some new elements that add depth to the characters.

It starts with Dean trying to live a normal life with Lisa and Ben, after he promised it to Sam, but we can immediately see that, despite being a good life and him being fine with them, he feels that he's missing something, and that something, more than it being a life as a hunter (because Dean already said before he would have liked to retire), I think is his brother's presence. Dean's attempt to live with a family is destroyed by the moment Sam miraculously reappears in his life, along with a number of new family members, the Campbells (including their mother's father Samuel, killed years earlier by the yellow-eyed demon), who doesn't seem to particularly like Dean (and the feeling is mutual) and who keeps the purpose of their monsters (and the alphas of each species) hunts a secret from the brothers.

The first and I think most important mystery of the season comes when Sam admits he doesn't know how he got out of the cage and especially when Dean realizes that his brother has changed drastically. I feel like this season, much more than the others, is shown particularly from Dean's point of view from the very beginning (as we see what his life is like without Sam) and so we find out with him as the season goes on what is the next situation he (with his brother) will have to deal with, since it's not clear as it usually is, indeed one of the things that makes this season particularly different from the others is that we don't immediately know who's the villain to defeat. The first problem is finding out who brought Sam and Samuel back, although it seems to worry Dean mostly than anyone else.

Another problem is added when, on episode 06x03, Castiel (called by Dean after many attempts from Sam, who soon finds out Dean's try actually works because of his brother and the angel's "profound bond") informs the brothers that there is a civil war in heaven and that he is fighting Raphael, who wants to take control of the angels and restart the Apocalypse, considering that the plans did not go as the angels would have liked. Castiel is rather mysterious and secretive about the war and the brothers don't know much more about it, considering they focus more on their individual cases and Sam's situation.

I have noticed that the brothers often tend to focus on their problems rather than giving importance to the others' as well. They don't seem too willing to help Castiel (though he doesn't seem willing to be helped) and even when they know Bobby made a deal with Crowley they don't try to fix it. Their attitude emerges especially in episode 06x04, in which we see everything from Bobby's point of view and discover many sides of him that until now we did not know. The episode shows how Bobby behaves during his typical days and we can immediately notice how many things the man does both for himself (in case of finding a way to untie the deal with Crowley), but also for other people (like Rufus, his friend who's also a hunter we've seen already multiple times before and whom I'm pretty fond of), and especially for the Winchesters, who call him for whatever problem they have during a case and for which he wastes hours of his day. They don't pay him back with much and Bobby finally makes them realize how selfish and self-centered they are. The two then help Bobby and the man manages to recover his soul. In addition to his altruism, I also appreciate Bobby's efficiency: he manages to get his soul back in an episode, while the Winchesters can't do it even with a season available.

Going back to episode 06x03 we meet Balthazar, an angel who initially seems to be against Castiel and the Winchesters, but who we discover, as the episodes continue, that he is on the side of "team free will", as he helps them multiple times. I hated when Castiel killed him, since he is one of my favorite angels, both because of his personality and because, despite appearing to be the usual indifferent angel, he actually cares about the cause of the protagonists (and thanks to him we have one of the funniest episodes of Supernatural, 06x15, in which Sam and Dean are catapulted into "our reality" and take the place of the actors who play them, Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki, continuing that strand of metanarrative and bringing it to the next level of fun, since at this point this episode isn't just making fun of the Supernatural storyline, but also of the show and the actors themselves).

Dean, from episode 06x03 and as others go by, realizes that there's something wrong with Sam, since he seems more cold and heartless than ever, the feeling is fortified when he thinks Sam purposely let a vampire bite him so that he could find out who the vampire's alpha was and where he was (in order to bring him to Samuel). The transformation (that Dean thinks is definitive) leads him to want to say goodbye one last time to Ben and Lisa (with whom he had previously made a deal that allowed him to continue hunting with his brother, who needed him, and return to the two as soon as he could). Being a vampire, he tries to stay as far away from the two as possible, but loses control and throws Ben to the wall, running away soon after. Because of this episode Lisa breaks up with him and Dean, as much as he's hurt, realizes that it is better to get away from his family, to prevent them from being in danger. As much as I love Dean with Castiel, I like Dean with Lisa a lot too. It is probably due to the fact that he has a normal life with her (and I love seeing a domestic Dean), that I like Lisa's personality and that he manages to be a good father figure to Ben (we can see he's quite good with kids even in episode 06x02, when Sam and Dean have to deal with a baby shape-shifter). I hated seeing in episode 06x21, after Crowley captured Lisa and Ben, Dean deciding to erase their memories and going away from them permanently. I felt like the whole situation needed more closure. Back to episode 06x05, he manages to return human at the end of the same episode, but the feeling that Sam has a problem only intensifies when he realizes his brother was smiling as the vampire bit him.

One of the things I've enjoyed the most this season is definitely Sam's status and Dean's emotions about it. He finds himself in a position where he doesn't know how to trust his brother (and in the meantime he also has to endure the breakup with Lisa, which Sam seems to just pretend to care about). He's sure Sam has a problem in episode 06x06, where Sam in front of the goddess of truth manages to keep lying, so she yells at him that he's not human, shocking Dean. After defeating the goddess, Sam confesses everything: he has let him be vampirized and he knows there's something wrong with him, although he doesn't know what it is. Thanks to Castiel in episode 06x07 they discover Sam was brought back without his soul, which is still in the cage with Lucifer.

I love soulless Sam, especially for the new dynamics between the brothers, among whom Dean is now the one most responsible and empathetic, and for Sam's indifference to any human emotion (for example in the episode, in which Dean is kidnapped by "aliens" and Sam seems to be totally serene about it). Of course Dean wants to recover Sam's soul, while Sam does not seem particularly concerned about his lack and, on the contrary, believes that soulless he is a better hunter (and, since Castiel points out that all that time in the cage with Lucifer has most likely damaged Sam's soul irreparably, he's not even convinced it's good to have it back). As true as this may be, soulless Sam seems to become more and more dangerous and Dean finds himself looking for an extreme solution: thanks to Death he manages to recover Sam's soul and separate his memories in hell from the rest of his soul with a wall.

Sam returns with his soul, but without the memories of the last year, so he gradually discovers all the horrible things he has committed without a soul: he is shocked and feels very guilty, even if his brother tries to convince him that that was not really him and that therefore he should not feel responsible. I don't know why but I particularly love the relationship between the two brothers after Sam recovers his soul: first of all you can see the huge difference between soulless Sam and the Sam that we all know and love (I think his emotions and sensations emerge exponentially now, and as much as I liked him without his soul, this shift made me love the "normal" Sam even more), second of all there's a feeling of protection and understanding from Dean and Sam respectively, which leads me to think that they matured even more after the end of season five (in fact I was particularly surprised to see that Sam didn't seem upset by the fact that Dean didn't immediately tell him what had happened to him). Although this situation seems momentarily overcome (even if Dean is afraid that the wall will sooner or later break) the Winchesters have to face two other unsolved problems.

The first one is Crowley, who, once he becomes king of hell, we discover wanting to find Purgatory (to expand his kingdom). We also find out Samuel is working for him by capturing monsters that would eventually tell him how to reach the place (and he's doing it because Crowley promised he would bring Mary back as a reward). If Dean's esteem for his grandfather was already low, this new information gives him the opportunity to completely separate from him and the new relatives, realizing that he doesn't always need to have a family connection if there's one of blood. His grandfather's last misstep comes when, while Sam and Dean, with the help of Castiel and Meg (who wants Crowley dead as much as they do), he misleads them and imprisons them at Crowley's behest. The team manages to break free and Castiel appears to be able to kill Crowley once and for all. The Winchesters meet their grandfather during a hunt in which he dies, as does Rufus. The difference between the reactions to Samuel and Rufus' death is obvious, underlining the further difference between a family formed by blood bonding and a family born by love. I think the introduction of the new relatives, apart from to deepen the concept of family, was rather useless, created more to add mystery to the whole Sam affair than anything else.

The second problem concerns the Mother-of-all-things, Eve, who managed to get out of Purgatory and bring with her a series of monsters, intending to take revenge on Crowley for trying to appropriate Purgatory and the soul of its monsters (of which Eve is the mother). I didn't love this villain that much, it seemed to me introduced rather hastily and without any anticipation, moreover, in comparison to everything that was there before her, Eve seems rather weak, in fact Dean manages to kill her all in all pretty quickly.

On the other hand, I'm glad she was a passing villain and she died already in the episode 06x19 because that gave the brothers and Bobby the opportunity to find out that what Crowley really wants is souls, that he will get them by opening Purgatory and that he's actually still alive. We soon find out that all the unresolved things (like what concerns Crowley, the war in heaven and Sam's soul) leads to one character only: Castiel. I think this revelation is the best (and saddest) part of season six of Supernatural. At the end of episode 06x19 we already see Bobby and Sam suspecting that Castiel is hiding something from them, as it seems impossible that he failed to kill Crowley. The only one who can't even think Castiel would do such a thing is Dean (too blind because of his love for him).

In the next episode, 06x20, which has to be one of my favourite Supernatural episodes ever, everything starts to make sense, since it's all narrated by Castiel. After defeating Lucifer, he retrieved Sam from the cage with enormous difficulty (unintentionally leaving his soul there) and returned to heaven, discovering that Raphael would start a new Apocalypse. He decided to oppose him, although he did not know how to do it, so he initially thought to ask Dean for help, even if he wanted to leave him alone. Indeed, when Crowley proposed to him a deal to access purgatory and share the souls with which they would both strengthen (and Castiel would do it so much he could defeat Raphael), the angel accepted, and since he knows the boys will not like knowing he's made a deal with the king of hell, he doesn't tell them, carrying out the plan with Crowley on his own. As much as I understand Castiel's reasons for working with Crowley, I think he handled the whole situation in the worst possible way and it now seems like a hallmark of the Winchester family choosing to hide their secrets rather than get help from others. Throughout the episode all the tracks seem to trace back to the idea that Castiel is collaborating with Crowley, but Dean continues to trust the angel, trying to defend him in every way.

I think from this episode we can see a further change in the relationship between Dean and Cas: betraying the Winchesters is the last thing the angel would like to do and Dean would rather not see all the evidence that leads to Castiel's betrayal than to admit his best friend has plotted behind his back, because that would be the thing that would hurt him the most. When the Winchesters and Bobby find out by Castiel's mistake that he's been spying on them, Dean realizes he should deal with the fact that his best friend has betrayed him and so he calls him to confront him.

This is probably the saddest scene in this episode: when the Winchesters and Bobby trap him, he continues to look for excuses, until Dean asks him to look him in the eyes and tell him he's not cooperating with Crowley. At that point Castiel can no longer lie, but tries to show the others his point of view, which the three of them do not share and condemn heavily enough. I understand that in this case they have the right to feel betrayed by Castiel, but this is not the first time someone has kept something hidden from the others (it happens literally all the times) and that someone has worked with Crowley (they did it just on the previous season), so it seems to me a bit of a hypocritical attitude to be so upset with Castiel, since the angel has done nothing but help them from the moment he sided with them, while they haven't even tried to help him with the angels' war. Indeed I think they should have found a sort of compromise to resolve the situation in the best of the ways, instead of hindering each other. But I think Dean is mostly hurt by all of Castiel's lies and the fact that he totally fell for it rather than the betrayal itself, so, knowing him, that would have been the hardest thing to do. In my opinion the whole episode focuses on Dean and Castiel's feelings the most, to a point which it almost touches a romantic level, and that scene is the icing on the cake (is it because of the scene, and the script, itself or of Dean and Castiel's intense, longing and hurtful stares? We'll probably never find out, but I love to suffer with them).

In the last two episodes we can see the consequences of the previous episode: after trying to convince Castiel that opening the doors of purgatory was a bad idea and failing miserably, Dean understands that all he can do is hinder him. We can also see the difference between the two brothers, as Sam is more willing to interact with Cas, meanwhile Dean doesn't seem to want to deal with him anymore (even when he should ask him for help to find Lisa and Ben, although in episode 06x21 Dean asks Castiel one last favour, which is to erase Lisa and Ben's memories).

Castiel, on the other hand, tries multiple times to convince Dean (and the others) to trust him with his plan. They can't, so when they try to stop him the angel has to intervene. While I could justify Castiel actions until 06x20, I couldn't after that: after returning from the death and assuming it was God who brought him back, he started to believe what he was doing, making his own choices, was right. So far I couldn't agree more with him, but this security has turned into arrogance and Castiel seems to realize this, as episode 06x20 ends with a desperate demand for an answer from God, since he doesn't know if he's on the right path anymore. Despite these insecurities in the last episode, 06x22, he completes the plan, depriving Crowley of his half of the souls and blocking the Winchesters by breaking the wall in Sam's mind. I understand he didn't know how else to stop them, but until the previous episode he wouldn't want anyone to lay a finger on the Winchesters, so that seems kinda hypocrite. Despite that, Dean and Bobby tries to find Castiel and Crowley before it's too late, but when they find the demon, on Raphael's side, once he found out that Castiel would not comply with the plan, the angel comes back already full of souls and power, after tricking Crowley and completing the plan on his own, and finally kills Raphael. Season six ends with Sam that somehow has reached them, despite being fresh of memories of the time he spent with Lucifer in the cage, with Castiel believing he's the new God (and having all the powers to do so) and with Bobby and Dean knowing the next problem will be how to stop Castiel before he causes another disaster.

I think this season has a lot of great elements, like soulless Sam and the plot twist around Castiel, but also many weaknesses, like the Campbells and the enemies like Eve and Raphael, who in my opinion didn't make such an impact, making Castiel certainly the most interesting villain.

I already know what will happen to Castiel and the boys, but watching them like that always breaks my heart.

- Carly 💚

[starswornoaths]

Starspun Kaleidoscope

This is a commission for the lovely @windup-dragoon of her cutie patootie goobers, Kirishimi and Hien! Under the cut bc it is NSFW in the second half. Thank you so much for your patronage! \o/

Commission info!

To plan a surprise for one such as the Warrior of Light was, to many people and for many, many reasons, folly. Even if one could plan around Kirishimi’s duties as a Scion and Dragoon both, the unforeseeable, looming cataclysms that seemed to dog her at every turn were sure to thwart any attempt to steal her away for a moment not already allocated to her duty.

Brimming with obstinate optimism as he was, Hien did it anyway.

The Kami themselves must have intervened to keep the realm stable long enough to plan around an upcoming festival in Kugane— the Enclave was running smoothly, on the Lord’s end of the planning, and the world seemed to pause for the last moon or so, meaning that apart from the clockwork schedule he could more easily plan around, Kirishimi was actually available to be surprised.

And what a festival to surprise her with! An annual solstice celebration, meant to ring in the fishing and farming season, where the boats bring in their fresh catch and those in the fields harvest the season’s crop. A celebration of the bounties that the Kami have blessed them with, with food, fireworks, and offerings of prayer that the newly planted seeds that will be planted on the morrow will bring just as bountiful a crop.

Planning around both their hectic schedules and when the festival was coming up was, at least to Hien’s mind, akin to discovering a new circle of hell, and had he not had the foresight to distract her with wearing his hair down and well groomed out of its usual ponytail, the whole thing might have been spoilt for her before they had even arrived, but when he gallantly helped her down from their boat onto the docks and watched her eyes grow wide in amazement and joy at the sights, sounds, and smells of the festival, it was all worth it a thousand fold to see her so happy.

“What— how in th’ hells did you—?” Kirishimi gawked at him, then out to the bustling streets with energetic vendors and crowded stalls, then back to him.

“How did I plan a day out for us?” He guessed, smiling wide. She nodded. “An excellent question! I’m still half wondering, myself!”

They shared a laugh as he offered her his arm.

“Now then, let us have some fun while I think of a better answer to your question!” He suggested, the arm not being offered sweeping out toward the stalls.

“How gallant of ya,” she beamed up at him as she looped her arm through his. She sniffed the air with a deep breath and sighed blissfully. “I’d love to know what smells so bloody good…”

Following her keen nose, they wound up at a stall selling grilled skewers of various meats and vegetables. The moment the kebabs came into view, they shared a look, wordlessly agreeing on what their lunch was to be.

It was silly, Hien thought, to be so delighted that they had a moment of playful fighting over who would pay for them— and Krishimi cheered victoriously when her gil was used for the meal. Delighted, for how mundane it was. How normal they could be in this moment. Delighted, for it was just her, and just him, and just them eating festival food and pressing close in crowded streets, arms unwound in favor of twined hands as they wove their way through the crowds. 

And it still amazed him, how profound his joy was at just watching her, marveling at how happy and carefree she looked. Merriment sparkled in her eyes of sapphire and ruby, of sea and fire, her whole face alight with a smile so wide her eyes crinkled at the corners. Her happiness bubbled over, too much for her body to contain, and her shoulders shook with laughter as they watched how faire attendants dazzled the crowds with tricks, music, and dancing.

When he tugged her hand to wordlessly ask her to stop, she peered at him curiously as he held up a finger to ask her to wait. He disappeared in a gaggle of people grouped around a stall he spied off to the side selling mochi, and Kirishimi watched from her place off the side of the street. He could feel her ponderous stare on the back of his head as he ordered a batch of freshly prepared mochi. Upon his return with a beautifully piled mound of little mochi bites, delicately wrapped in a large banana leaf, it was his turn to grin triumphantly.

“Repayment for our lunch!” Hien said with a belly deep chuckle at her fondly exasperated smile, handing her one of the small wooden skewers with which she might pick up dumplings of mochi for herself.

“Oh, you would, ya sweet man, you!” Kirishimi flushed, though she took the offered skewer and speared a fresh, soft mound of mochi. When she popped it in her mouth he watched, hopelessly enraptured, as her eyes closed in bliss while she chewed around her bright grin.

“I gather it’s to your liking?” He asked, grinning like the cat that got the cream.

Still chewing, she gave an enthusiastic hum when she nodded her head. 

“Delicious!” With a flourish, she artfully speared another little mount of mochi on her skewer and held it up to his lips in offering. 

Though her smile was warm as the sun, there was a mischievous twinkle in her eye. He recognized that look of hers— she wanted to get a rise out of him. Well! He thought with a grin. Two can play at that game.

Wordlessly accepting the mochi and challenge both, Hien’s fingertips were a whisper on her skin when he guided her hand closer by the wrist, and peered sidelong at her through his lashes as he pulled the mochi off her skewer. At the sight of Kirishimi bringing her bottom lip between her teeth to bite down on it, his grin only grew more lascivious. Just before he let her hand go, he bent low enough to press a kiss to the inside of her wrists before standing upright faster than she could properly react.

“Delicious.” Hien echoed in agreement once he’d chewed the mochi, even as he made no effort to hide the fact that he was not talking about the sweetmeat at all.

Kirishimi flushed prettily— though when someone in the crowd accidentally bumped into her from behind, it startled them both out of their little world. 

“Crowds are gettin’ worse.” Kirishimi lamented.

“Unfortunate, but I am confident we can manage!” Hien insisted. He handed her the leaf filled with mochi and wound his arm around her waist. “Hang on to our treat— I’ve got you.” 

So they maneuvered with care through the crowds, steadily growing denser than when they had first arrived. Kirishimi readily huddled closer to him, and he was all too happy to curl closer to her. It was so easy for them to make such cramped streets something more intimate, feeding one another bits of mochi and sneaking affection in between.

Hien steered them as gently as he could for how packed the intimately crowded the market streets had become— he hoped that the bridge would be more open, that they might get a good spot in time for the fireworks. His hopes lifted momentarily when the street opened and the crowds thinned again, only for them to be dashed at a turn of his head: the bridge he’d hoped to have her watch the fireworks from was even more crowded than the street. Enough that he faintly wondered if the weight capacity was a danger to the crowd atop it.

“Hmm...this won’t do.” He muttered.

“What, the bridge?” Kirishimi asked once she’d followed his gaze and saw the veritable barricade of people. “Why’re you aimin’ for the bridge?”

“I had hoped to get a good vantage point.” Hien lamented. “I had wanted to surprise you with the view, but it would seem I was not the only one with the idea.” His shoulders slumped. “I hadn’t expected this. I’m sorry, I’d hoped we might see the fireworks from the bridge.”

It stung his pride to admit to his secret plans to her, though he wanted her to at least know he’d intended for this to go better. Rather than the disappointment he expected, he watched her blinked owlishly up at him.

“Oh hells, was that all?” She laughed brightly and seized his hand. “C’mon, I know a spot with a great view!”

For some reason, the thought that she was so familiar with the city had not even occurred to him to draw reference from as inspiration for a back-up plan. Where he had been disappointed at the thought that his best laid plans were coming apart, he could only laugh alongside her as she guided him down the steps to the pier. Somehow, she always made it better.

When they descended the steps into the alleyway beneath the bridge, he was at first skeptical that such a closed off space would have a noteworthy view, but as she led him down the alley and around the corner, he marveled at how the pier opened up to a wide, sparsely populated shipping dock. The water and sky both were so blue in the rapidly approaching twilight that he almost couldn’t tell where they met on the horizon. 

She ushered him to a bench not far from the alley they walked down to get here, and happily pressed herself flush against his side. He readily moved his arm around her to tug her that scant ilm closer and snuck a kiss to her hair as she resumed skewering one of the last mochi.

They had scarcely finished cuddling close before the first firework went off. Even as far away from the crowds as they were, that low din of their shared voices hushed in an instant, everyone peering up at the sky.

Well. Everyone save for Hien.

How could he look anywhere but his beloved, her moonlight silver hair aglow in the ephemeral, colored burst of each firework, eyes brighter than any star he had ever seen. How could he stare at anything with the same awe that her breathtaking smile inspired in him? Impossible. No firework could compare to her radiance.

“See? What’d I tell ya?” Kirishimi asked brightly after a dozen or so fireworks had gone off, looking up at him.

“Quite the sight,” Hien replied quietly, beaming at her through his lashes.

He made no effort to pretend he was looking anywhere but at her, and he delighted in the flush that bloomed on her face.

“Not as nice as the one I’m seein’.” She said quietly. 

“No?” Hien asked as if in genuine interest, hand coming up to smooth his thumb across her bottom lip. 

“Nope. Can’t be. Yer too handsome.” She insisted, though the way she was looking at him was far less innocent than her words.

He opened his mouth to retort, but then she tucked her head an extra ilm down to press a kiss to his thumb— and then nibbled it, very, very gently. His mouth ran dry at the contact, and he shuddered bodily; it had been some time since they had been able to indulge in one another— too long. He felt every second he’d gone without her touch keenly, watching her fan her lashes at him so.

“I am...suddenly reminded that I reserved a room at the Inn.” He rasped against the way his tongue swelled, at the way his heart thudded against his ribs. “And given the fireworks are planned for the whole night, I am fairly certain that the view from there would be spectacular.”

“Oh?” She mused, half leaning into his lap, her fingers delicately tracing his exposed collarbone. “Y’didn’t tell me. Sounds lovely.”

The summer heat couldn’t account for the way he felt set ablaze by her touch— and he couldn’t pretend it was anything but arousal and carnal need that made his pulse race and his breathing grow shuddered.

“Shall we?” He offered with the last of his coherence, and held out his hand.

She readily took it, and he pulled her gently from the bench to head back down the alley they had come from. With every step, he had to remind himself to have restraint— the Inn was just across the bridge, it was scarcely more than a jaunt to the aetheryte shard to avoid the crowd—

“This means a lot, Hien.” Kirishimi spoke up suddenly. “All of this, not just. Well. Y’know.”

He stopped walking and turned to look at her in that moment. Though they stood in the shadow of the bridge, she was bright as a star, looking up at him with such earnest ardor that for a moment, he forgot how to breathe. 

“You must know I’m only sorry I can’t do it more.” Hien managed to rasp.

“I know. We both have so little time— but I need you ta know how much it means to me that you did all this. I...I like being able to see what life will be like with you—”

Before he knew what he was doing, he’d hoisted her up on a stack of crates behind her, his hands gripping her thighs around his waist tightly. He slanted his mouth against hers in eagerness, before he had even thought to do so. Loving her was such a deeply rooted instinct, he could do little but act on it. 

She reciprocated instantly and eagerly, hands grabbing at his clothes, clutching him closer to her, close enough that he could feel her heartbeat pounding against her sternum. Letting go of her thighs to pull her impossibly closer earned him the sweetest moan against his lips he’d ever heard from her. Fire ignited in the pit of his belly, and the flames came alive when he felt her heat throbbing against his rapidly hardening erection, even through their clothes.

“I’m afraid the Inn might be too far away.” He panted between those deep kisses that sent him reeling. “Should you be of like mind...I fear I can’t hold back.”

“Th-this is, ah—” His Kirishimi gasped so deliciously against him as she pulled him in for more kisses between words, as if she couldn’t refrain from it either. As if she couldn’t refrain from him either. The thought drove him wild with want, and his hips stuttered against hers before he could even think to restrain them. “This is a bit public, yeah? We, a-ahh, might get caught.”

“As Yugiri is wont to remind me, I am no shinobi,” Hien mused as though he couldn’t feel the way her thigh nudged at his clothed erection. When he began to mouth at her ear, his beard scratching against her cheek, he found his voice again, rougher for his dwindling restraint. “But I can be discreet.”

“Well, then.” Kirishimi hummed, tapering off in a moan at the way he growled against her throat at her hands tangling in his hair. He could feel her smirk against his ear when she bent her head and answered, “Prove it.”

Ah, a challenge! He did so love to rise to the occasion— all the more where she was concerned. His hands cupped at her backside and slid her forward in time with him pressing flush against the crates she was perched on. It was only a scant few ilms difference, if that, but such distance needed to be unmade entirely: he could go no longer without her.

Hien’s agony was one further exacerbated by his blind palming to undo his hakama, and he smothered his hissing against Kirishimi’s lips to make good on his word to be quiet. Fortunate for him that he had; he muffled a groan into her mouth when she batted his hands away and shifted to untie the keeping his pants held up. Leaving her to take matters into her own hands, as it were, he occupied himself with slipping his hands beneath the soft layers of her yukata. He’d been glad to gift it to her before they arrived today, though he hadn’t necessarily thought of this particular benefit.

When his hand found her under the yukata, Hien couldn’t help but groan into her starspun locks when he realized she wore no undergarments and was already all pulsing, scorching heat. Even before he made a move to slip his fingers inside her, she was rocking her hips to try and coax him into filling her. The hand not waiting in anticipation to make her sigh let go of her to brace more fully against the crate she was sat on— his need for her was dizzying, he was so hard it vaguely hurt, and it was all he could do to blindly rut against her thighs to attempt to curb his own enthusiasm.

A poor attempt, admittedly, but it certainly didn’t stop him from trying.

Kirishimi managed to free him from his hakama fairly quickly, for a blessing, and he practically felt his cock swing down, free of its confines, heavy and aching, and he sucked in a breath through his teeth at the breeze brushing it. 

Hien sank his teeth into Kirishimi’s neck to muffle the guttural groan that escaped him when he hilted himself in one smooth push of his hips. The wet gasp he tore from her throat stuttered out in staccato bursts, her hands flying to grasp at his shoulder, to bury her fingers in his hair. Her chest heaved in time with the flutter of her around him, and he couldn’t stop his hips from stuttering in shallow thrusts in search of more despite their hips already pressed flush. 

“We will have to be quick,” he managed through laving his tongue over the marks he had bitten into her skin. 

“Yesss,” Kirishimi hissed into the fabric of his haori.

When he slid almost entirely out of her and snapped his hips back against hers with enough force to nudge her backwards on the crate, he nearly couldn’t swallow her cry of rapture, and only just managed to crush their mouths together in an inelegant kiss.

“Discretion, koishī,” Hien reminded her in a dark snarl against her ear, and repeated to motion.

He had to bite the inside of his cheek to follow his own advice: she felt so good, clenching around him as he moved, felt so good to touch her silken hair and her smooth skin and pull her closer, closer, it was never close enough—

“Please,” Kirishimi panted in his ear, and what control he had snapped at such beautiful, breathy begging.

Wrapping his arms those few ilms tighter around her, pressing that nonexistent extra ilm closer, he acquiesced to her pleas. There would be time for the slower, more intimate lovemaking they so adored to indulge in later; now, there was only the carnal need to quench the fires that wrought destruction to their senses and sensibilities.

Hien set a brutal pace, bruising their hips with every collision but he couldn’t bring himself to mind too much— in particular, for how tightly Kirishimi’s hands clenched in his hair, at his haori, how she clenched around him, all tight heat and agonizing bliss. It was almost too much, even when he began, but he refused to be the first to fall apart— it would not do to leave his beloved unsatisfied, or even to risk it. 

Kirishimi rose to the occasion, as she always did, her heels digging into the small of his back, slotted perfectly into his Venusian dimples, and she rocked into him at every thrust, rolled her hips to the tide of his tempo, and it was all he could do to bury his hand in her hair, to press his palm against her back and pull her in closer, to sink into her until he couldn’t tell where he ended and she began.

“Discretion,” she teased in a wheezing pant when he growled at that telltale pull in his gut that told him he was beginning to teeter off the edge. 

He gnashed his teeth in a feral smirk before quieting them both in a crushing kiss. It would not do to let himself fall apart now, certainly not when she was coherent enough to tease him for his enthusiasm. With a dark chuckle that rumbled in the deepest part of his chest, he carefully disentangled her hair from his fingers, and let his hand wander down, down, down— 

He chased her mouth when she broke their kiss in a startled gasp at the touch of his thumb against her swollen clit. The hand in his hair flexed at the swirl of his thumb around the oversensitive bud, and she whimpered against his lips in time with her shallow thrusting into his hand. 

Her enthusiasm, her mounting pleasure, was as a double edged sword: while she spiraled faster, closer to release, she was bringing him along with her, and it was, as always, a battle of wills between the two of them. Gods, but her little wanton gasps, the soft whining, her hands all over him, all orchestrated such sweet rapture for him that he could do little but cling to what fraying edges of sanity he had, even as he wanted to hurl himself into the abyss beside her.

“Close,” Kirishimi panted into his lips, and he groaned, low and guttural and primal, when her legs squeezed to bring him in deeper. “Close, close, Hien—”

Kami preserve, but so was he. His thrusts had lost all technique, all control, and he was pounding so hard into her he could hear the crate beneath her creak faintly every time their hips met but he couldn’t even bring himself to care. He broke their kiss to lean back enough to watch her fall apart, to watch the moment that his attentions pushed her over the edge.

Hien was not waiting for long. With a particularly dextrous stroke of his thumb and a well angled thrust of his hips, her mouth fell open in a choked cry of rapture. She managed to quiet herself even before the noise had fully left her throat, though she flung herself against him to muffle the rest of those beautiful noises she couldn’t quell fast enough. She squeezed so tightly around his cock, pulsed as rapid as a hare’s heartbeat, that he couldn’t quite silence himself in time before he groaned, long and loud, into her hair as the coil in his gut snapped. Instinct drove them both to cling together as they rode out the waves of their orgasm, his thrusts inarticulate, sloppy, desperate things as she shook around him. He emptied all of himself into her, and even as he finally felt the last of it fill her he remained sheathed, pressed close, basking in the afterglow.

Not for too long, sadly; they were still out in public, and poor Kirishimi was on a kami forsaken pile of crates, for heaven’s sakes. When she trembled a little less, he slid himself out of her with an agonized groan, over sensitive as he was from the stimulation. She whimpered at the veritable deluge of cum that followed after him, though he tried to be courteous and offer her a kerchief to at least attempt to clean up. 

Once they were disentangled entirely, he righted his clothes and hair as best as he could, and helped her down from the crates to do the same. Still giddy, still riding the hights of their high, they couldn’t help but stand on wobbly legs, leaning into one another, noses nuzzling affectionately and breathy laughter filling the space between them. 

“So much fer discretion, ay?” Kirishimi teased between giggles. 

“I said I can be discreet— it’s hardly a guarantee.” He admitted with a sheepish chuckle, and tucked the soiled kerchief in his pocket with a grimace. Once he made sure there was no mess left on the crate, he offered, “The fireworks are still going, for a blessing. Shall we retire to the Inn and keep watching?”

At her nod, they set off again. The kami themselves must have intervened to thin the crowds on the bridge enough for them to squeeze through to the other side, and managed to slip away, sequestered in their room with hot sake and dinner in bed, with the window wide open.

“You were right— view’s amazin’ from here,” Kirishimi mused as they watched the fireworks once dinner was cleared away.

After a long moment, he set his sake cup down on the bedside table, and shifted to crawl over her. She watched him with those mismatched eyes of ruby and sapphire, glimmering with every kaleidoscope burst of light from the window. With a bright, enticing, inviting smile, she slid backwards until she could spread out languidly upon the plush bed.

Hien preferred to watch the bursts of color reflect on those silver locks of hers, splayed out on the pillow as they were. After a few moments of appreciative silence, he hummed, pleased. 

“Quite the view.” He agreed, and joined her in soft splendor again.

[gumnut-logic]

We’ll Be Home For Christmas 4.6

Title: We’ll be home for Christmas

Day Four – Five Billionaires and No Wives – Part 6 Prologue | 1.1 | 1.2 | 2.1 | 2.2 | 2.3 | 3.1 | 3.2 | 3.3 | 3.4 | 3.5 | 4.1 | 4.2 | 4.3 | 4.4 | 4.5 | 4.6

Author: Gumnut

24 May 2020

Fandom: Thunderbirds Are Go 2015/ Thunderbirds TOS

Rating: Teen

Summary: The boys can’t fly home for Christmas, so they have to find another way.

Word count: 3495

Spoilers & warnings: language and so, so much fluff. Science!Gordon. Artist!Virgil, Minor various ships, mostly background. A little angst in this one along with a little minor sexual reference.

Timeline: Christmas Season 3, I have also kinda ignored the main storyline of Season 3. The boys needed a break, so I gave them one. Post season 3B, before Season 3C cos I started this fic before we saw it.

Author’s note: For @scattergraph​​​​. This is my 2019 TAG Secret Santa fic :D

Wow, written all in one day. I’ve been rereading the fic and running out of it and wanting more. Unfortunately, for there to be more I had to write more. I checked my archive and the last bit went up on May 11 right before everything at work went to hell, so I’m guessing that was the cause of the delay of this bit. I hope it was worth waiting for. This fic is nearly finished. A few threads to tie up in the next chapter, which, depending on what the characters do (cos they’ve thrown me two curve balls in this ::glares at both Grandma and Virgil:: so who knows what else they will do). i hope you enjoy it.

Many thanks to @i-am-chidorixblossom​​ @scribbles97​​​​ and @onereyofstarlight​​​​ for reading through various bits, fielding my many wibblies, and for all their wonderful support.

Disclaimer: Mine? You’ve got to be kidding. Money? Don’t have any, don’t bother.

-o-o-o-

Scott stared as his home crawled over the horizon. Lit from the west, the peaks of Tracy Island were sculpted in gold, the water surrounding her sparkling in the dying sun.

It was a beautiful sight.

Virgil shifted against him, snorting softly in sleep.

Scott had been out on the bow of the boat for hours. First talking to Virgil, working through some of the events of the day until his exhausted brother slowly tipped sideways, falling asleep despite the breeze and the soft toss of the boat.

Scott just wrapped an arm around him and held him while his brother slept.

His butt was numb from lack of circulation, but he didn’t care.

John had approached at one point and quietly handed him a tablet full of information about whales. It was full of data he didn’t understand and he desperately needed to talk to his genius brother about what it all meant.

But for the moment, he was content to listen to Virgil’s breathing, the wind and watch their home inch closer and closer.

He was aware of Gordon keeping an eye on both of them, the pilot adding more speed to the journey today than he had any other day. There had been relaxation, but all of that had disappeared with recent events.

Hell, it had disappeared the moment they had discovered the trapped calf.

Fire ignited in his belly at the thought. He needed to speak with Penelope and follow up on what had happened to those responsible.

His father’s desk lay waiting on the Island.

Relief and dread waited with it.

He closed his eyes and evened out his breathing. It had been such a relief to let go last night. Mel had met his energy with her own, her hands in his hair, a pardon on her lips. No ties, no obligation, just a moment to be himself, find comfort in her arms and let go.

He was ever so grateful. His brothers may laugh, but it was the only way he could truly release everything that built up day after day. Life was a challenge and he was willing to take it on, but everyone needed a moment.

Mel had given him that moment...and a little more.

Virgil shifted against him as Gordon turned the boat slightly and began to slow on approach.

Scott opened his eyes to watch Mateo shift to starboard. The bow dropped a little as their speed lessened, the background noise of the engine changing pitch.

Virgil muttered something and shifted again.

Scott held him that little bit tighter.

A Little Lightning arced around the smaller island that protected their caldera from the open ocean and the yacht entered the sheltered lagoon smoothly.

The petrel colony raised a ruckus and squawked like crazy as they motored past, Gordon cutting their speed to almost nothing as the yacht coasted over coral.

There were two docks on Tracy Island. One on either side of the villa. Gordon chose the one adjacent to Two’s runway for obvious reasons. It was harder to dock such a large vessel, but it would be easier to get Virgil onto land, and, via the hangars, up to the villa. The other dock, near the beach huts, required a hike up to the house that Virgil was in no shape to make. Scott had checked his brother’s incisions earlier in the day and they were well into healing, but...it had been a weird day and Virgil was still asleep.

Gordon nudged the yacht ever so slowly up to the little used dock. It had been designed for supply delivery early on in the venture, but once the runway had been built, it had been used for little other than the occasional Thunderbird Four testing regime and a little recreational boating.

Nothing as big as A Little Lightning.

Gordon had mentioned early on that they would likely use the inflatable when they reached home, but the aquanaut had obviously changed his mind.

Virgil was definitely the reason.

John darted past Scott and Virgil, docking pole in hand, turquoise eyes targeting both of them. He didn’t say anything, but the concerned frown shot at Scott said everything.

Ropes were launched at the wharf bollards and the engine dropped down to a bare rumble. Alan yelled an acknowledgement at the back of the boat and John held up a hand to signal to Gordon. A slight shift sideways and A Little Lightning nudged up against Tracy Island and was secured.

Gordon cut the engine and its absence was profound.

John turned and smiled at him.

They were home.

-o-o-o-

Soft fingers touched his cheek.

“Honey, it’s time to wake up.”

He screwed up his face. He was in that pleasant warm place just below consciousness and he didn’t want to leave it.

But his pillow rumbled just a little with quiet laughter. Cotton moved against his temple and an arm tightened gently around him.

“You’re going to have to be more direct than that, Grandma.”

Those words, said in his brother’s voice, and enough neurons came online to recognise that he was curled up on something hard, leaning against...the warm cotton shifted and a breath was drawn in. A heartbeat pulsed against his ear, slow and sure.

The whirr of a scanner made him frown.

Light flickered under his eyelids and he clenched his eyes shut.

“C’mon, Virgil, we’re home. You can’t sleep out here all night and my butt is going to drop off if it doesn’t get circulation soon.”

Another voice piped up. “And then you’ll have to face Mel for the loss of that perfect butt.”

“What do you know about Scott’s butt?” Higher pitched. Alan?

“Remember number twenty-nine? Or was it twenty-eight? The one that worked in that circus we saved from the flood? She wrote letters about it.”

His pillow shifted sharply. “What the hell, Gordon?”

“Hey, you’re the one who left your email open for all to see.”

“It is encrypted!”

“Only to those who don’t know the encryption code, Scotty.”

“Boys, keep it down. Give Virgil a chance to wake up properly.”

He found his mouth. “Too late.” A groan and he was pushing himself upright. Everything complained.

Everything. His gut, his back, the numb leg that had somehow been denied blood when he leant on it.

Several hands helped him sit up and he found himself blinking against the golden light of sunset.

Sunset?

What the hell?

“How long have I been asleep?”

“Long enough.” His eldest brother was standing up, stretching his limbs and obviously rubbing blood back into his extremities. “You’re heavy.” But the smile Scott sent him was fond and happy. “We’re home, Virg.”

John, Alan and Gordon were arrayed beyond Scott, but as he turned his head, two other presences made themselves known. Grandma was in front of him, scanner in hand, blue eyes frowning at him in concern.

And on the dock, beyond the railing, stood Kayo.

Her frown vanished the moment she realised he was looking at her and was replaced with a small smile. “Welcome home.”

It was addressed to all of them, but she was looking at him when she said it.

“Let’s get you off this boat, young man.”

Yes! He was home. His ‘bird’s runway stretched along the cliff above them and the whole purpose of the boat trip came home to rest in his heart. As he stood, Scott helping him to his feet, he turned to his brothers. “Thank you.” He could claim that his voice was rough from his half drowning a few hours ago. “Thank you for taking me home. You didn’t have to, but you did anyway.” Okay, now he was getting emotional. “Thank you.”

An arm slung about his shoulders. “Anytime, Virgil, anytime.” Scott’s eyes flashed almost green in the evening light.

Alan muttered something and darted past Gordon to wrap his arms around Virgil. “Don’t do that again.”

Virgil blinked. “Not planning on it.” He wasn’t sure whether Alan was referring to his appendix or the whale thing, but whatever. His arm came around his brother and held him tight.

John’s smile was soft, but full of enough to swell Virgil’s heart.

Gordon...

A moment and Virgil untangled himself from Scott and Alan, took those few steps to his fish brother and smothered him in a massive hug. As expected, Gordon squawked and struggled just enough to make his protest shown, but Virgil hung on.

“Thank you, Gordon. Best idea ever.”

Arms encircled his waist, but his brother didn’t answer.

The moment was broken by Grandma placing a gentle hand on his arm. “Virgil, I would like to do a full medscan. John reported that you’ve been rather active today.” Virgil shot a look at his younger brother. John just smiled a little more and shrugged.

It was to be expected. Virgil would have done the same thing under the circumstances.

He sighed and let Gordon go.

Russet brown stared up at him a moment before Gordon stepped aside and gestured Virgil towards the gangplank that connected A Little Lightning to the dock.

Scott materialised on one side and John on the other and he had to force himself not to roll his eyes in exasperation.

Between the two of them, they made sure he stepped securely onto solid ground, ghosted him up the hill to the runway and to one of the little runabouts they used to transport cargo about the Island. It was clear that he was the cargo.

Well, at least it wasn’t a hoverstretcher.

He let out a sigh as Scott drove him into Two’s hangar and his ‘bird loomed over him.

Home.

It was a matter of elevators and examinations after that. Grandma was very thorough. The word ‘pneumonia’ was bandied about as a possibility if he didn’t look after himself properly. Apparently, he had breathed in a little too much seawater.

Fortunately, his incisions were quite happy and well on the mend despite the two dunkings for the day. Grandma didn’t frown at him, but the firm line of her lips was enough to keep him quiet.

You did not mess around with Grandma regarding medical matters.

Hell, when cornering his brothers as a medic himself, often the only threat that kept them corralled was that he would bring in Grandma if they didn’t behave.

When Virgil was ill, there was no-one else. Grandma was always the one who looked after him. She always had.

And, in turn, he now looked after her.

“What happened out there, Virgil?” Her voice was soft. They were alone and his grandmother was putting away her instruments. She had run him through everything, even a brain scan. She was obviously concerned.

“I don’t know, Grandma.”

“John says you spoke to whales.”

He shook his head and let it drop. “I don’t know.”

A finger caught his chin and drew his head up to look into her eyes. “You keep yourself safe, Virgil. You hear me? You have family who need you. Family who love you.”

“I’m okay, Grandma.”

She stared at him a moment longer before letting out a breath and turning back to her instruments. “You’re off rescues for another week, but I suspect you knew that.”

He did, but part of him had hoped he could shorten it. One glance at Grandma and he knew he didn’t have a hope. “Yes, standard recovery period for an operation of this type.”

Blue eyes shot a suspicious glare at him, but he didn’t respond.

“Lots of bed rest. None of your heavy lifting. No gym until next week.”

Damn. “Yes, Grandma.”

She turned back and he was in her arms. “Welcome home, Virgil.”

He blinked and returned the hug. “I’m fine, Grandma.”

Those arms tightened just a fraction.

He frowned. “Grandma?”

She let him go and turned away. “You better go downstairs. Kayo has dinner ready for all of us. It’s Christmas Eve.” She straightened up and looked at him, her eyes saying something he couldn’t quite decipher. “We should celebrate as a family.”

“Okay.”

Her hand landed on his arm and squeezed gently before letting go. He took that as a dismissal, slid off the bed and grabbed his shirt. “Thank you, Grandma.”

She didn’t turn. “I’ll see you down there shortly.”

He frowned, but did as she asked and headed off to the comms room.

-o-o-o-

Scott stared at John and Gordon. “You think he is actually communicating with the whales.”

A pair of copper eyebrows rose. “We think so.”

“But Virgil told me himself that he doesn’t understand it.”

Eos’ voice was deceptively wise. “Commander, he may not understand consciously, but subconsciously.”

“Explain.” Scott glared at the simulacrum of spinning lights on the holoprojector.

“His brain is at least partly processing the information, enough to receive an impression of the content, but not enough to clarify it. He has processed enough to produce a vocalisation that connects with the whales despite the lack of range in his vocal cords. Humans cannot produce the sound required to emulate whale song without electronic enhancement. Virgil’s physical contact appears to have amplified his emissions enough for the whale to recognise his voice as a form of communication.” A graphic appeared on the ‘projector. A small portion was set aside and fit into the larger like a puzzle piece. “The whale was able to clarify his vocalisation into something that could be understood.”

“What did Virgil say?”

John answered him. “We don’t know.”

“We should ask him.” Gordon stood up. “And I think he should be part of this conversation.”

Scott bit back a retort. Every bone in his body wanted to protect Virgil from this.

But he knew he couldn’t.

Sagging, he sat down on the couch behind him and nodded.

Gordon stepped around the ‘projector and perched beside him. “Sam and I will find out more. I promise, Scott. This is a major breakthrough, you know that.”

Scott turned slowly to look at his little brother. “You saw what it did to him.”

“Do you trust me, Scott?” Russet brown bared his little brother’s soul.

He stared into those eyes. Little rapscallion Gordy, the prankster of the family. The ray of sunshine on moments so dark Scott feared his own survival. Did he trust Gordon? Trust him with Virgil’s life?

All the time.

“Yes, I do.”

Gordon swallowed. “Then trust me with this. I’ll keep him safe. I promise. We’ll work this out. Discover what it means. What exactly is going on.”

John cleared his throat. “Perhaps you should both speak to Virgil first?”

Scott turned to find his engineer brother standing by the kitchen stairs, staring at them.

-o-o-o-

“Virgil-“

“No!” His older brother threw his hands up and Gordon took a step back. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

So, of course, Scott took a step forward. “Vir-“

“No, Scott! Not now. Just leave it. I need to work this out for myself. I...I thank you for the information, John, Eos.” He nodded to the ‘projector. “Gordon, I understand the interest and I...empathise.” He sighed. “I just need time, guys, okay?”

“Okay.” It was parched and apparently his voice. The frown creasing Gordon’s forehead was deep enough to hurt. Why wasn’t Virgil letting him help?

His brother reached out and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Just some time, Gords, please.”

“Okay.”

“Then I’ll come to you.” Eyes a deeper brown than his own were pleading for understanding. “I promise.”

“Okay.” Gordon swallowed and cleared his throat. “Well, in that case, I vote we go eat before Alan inhales everything.” It was a simple distraction, but it worked.

Virgil squeezed his shoulder, his expression flashing thanks before turning away. The tension in the man’s back was pulling his shirt tight.

Maybe he was right. Maybe they should wait.

A blink and another swallow and Gordon followed Virgil from the room, Scott and John behind him.

-o-o-o-

The evening was a quiet one. All five brothers were tired after the day’s events, even Virgil who, despite having slept a few hours in the morning and afternoon, still looked like he was going to fall on his face at any moment.

Even Grandma was more reserved than usual, her gaze landing on Virgil repeatedly, her eyes distant as if in thought.

It was unnerving.

Kayo served dinner. A buffet of Asian dishes accompanied by rice and noodles. Most were purchased, but she had also made her own stir fry, a family favourite with just the right amount of chilli and cilantro. An appropriate welcome back feast, but none of them had the energy to truly appreciate it as much as it deserved.

After dinner saw them stocking presents under the massive Christmas tree in the comms room. Alan made various comments, especially when Virgil lugged out what was likely a painting wrapped in several layers of wrapping paper.

The fact he lugged it by himself led to words from Scott and the present being confiscated. Virgil’s protest that it wasn’t heavy was followed up by John stepping between the two of them and declaring he was going to help Virgil with his load. The two of them disappeared upstairs and Gordon was left with a grumpy Scott.

The whole lack of spirit finally cracked the aquanaut and he grabbed some tinsel off the tree, wrapped it into a ball and threw it at Scott’s head.

The astonishment on his big brother’s face was worth it.

Scott carefully placed the painting-shaped present down beside the tree and turned to verbally retaliate only to have his face muffled by a lounge cushion thrown by Alan.

“Bullseye!”

Gordon idly noted Brains taking one look at the resultant expression on Scott’s face and, grabbing Max, making a beeline for the elevator.

“Alan!”

“Yes, Scott?”

Gordon threw another ball of tinsel, silvery strands fluttering in the air as it flew.

“Gordon!”

Another couch cushion whacked Scott in the face.”

“Ala-“

More tinsel to the head.

Hmm, this tree really did have a lot of tinsel on it, but just in case, Gordon darted in and grabbed two of the balls he had already thrown.

He was not surprised when the remaining tinsel ball retaliated and hit him between the eyes.

Alan was landed by a return cushion volley. Scott really was a good shot.

“Oh, you are going down, bro.” Alan was positively gleeful and before they knew it, cushions, tinsel, several Christmas baubles and a pile of tribbles were hurtling back and forth across the room.

Kayo stood to one side and just rolled her eyes. Grandma joined in and was the likely source of the tribbles.

When John and Virgil returned, it was to utter chaos and not a small amount of laughter. Both got tribbles stuffed down their shirts and tinsel bounced off their heads.

John protested loudly at the use of his tribble stash, but Grandma told him to lighten up...right before she bounced one off his nose.

What followed that was a free for all.

The night got better, much to Gordon’s relief. His brothers loosened up, a little alcohol was dragged out and moods mellowed.

Of course, Alan was the first to nod off, curled up beside Gordon. He was fast followed by Virgil who yet again fell asleep on Scott. The worry that appeared on Scott’s face only made Gordon’s heart sink.

Grandma called it then, sending them all off to bed.

Virgil was nudged awake enough for Scott and John to get him on his feet and guide him to his bed. Gordon shouldered Alan and dragged him to the elevator.

“Thans, Gords.”

“Not a problem, bro.” The elevator was taking forever to return.

Alan turned into Gordon’s shoulder and slumped against it, half snoring.

“C’mon, Allie.” The elevator arrived and he helped his little brother aboard. If there was one thing Alan had in common with Virgil it was his ability to sleep.

Some complaints about the boat still rocking and Gordon tumbled his little brother into his bed. Shoes off, covers on. Gordon sat down beside his sleeping brother.

It had been one hell of a trip and now it was over. It was less than a week since Virgil folded in his pilot’s seat, yet it seemed years ago. One boat, four days and five brothers.

Alan rolled over and snorted in his sleep.

Gordon reached out and placed his hand on his arm.

“I’m gonna getcha, John.” It was quiet and mumbled into Alan’s pillow, but it was enough to push Gordon to his feet.

Blimey.

A blink that lasted longer than it should have and Gordon realised he was exhausted. One more glance at his little brother who was now muttering something about space resources and was no doubt plotting his brother’s video game demise, and Gordon made his way to the door.

One boat, four days, five brothers...and tomorrow.

Gordon went to bed.

-o-o-o-

End Day Four.

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Barchie Theories

I’ve had a few days to mull it all over so I figured I’d post some of the theories I have for what might happen next for Barchie. I’ve got a few theories, some I think are more likely than others. They are all based on the promo and pics that have been released. The only clue we really got from the summary was that Archie and Betty are going to be contemplating their next steps which doesn’t give us a whole lot of information but does tell us that they will at least be trying to decide what they are going to do about the kiss. We can deduce more from the promo stills that were released but obviously they are all out of context. As I said I’ve got a couple of theories and they depend entirely on which order the stills happen in the episode. 

Theory 1 

Ok so theory one I think is a popular theory at the moment which I do think is very likely and it happens if the events shown in this picture 

happen earlier in the episode than the events in this one.

In this theory I think the episode will start out with Barchie already in the bunker, like it’ll be the opening shot or at least the first time we see them both. This is when we’ll get that shot from the promo where Betty will ask what they are doing, to which Archie will reply that he doesn’t know but it’s nice. I think we’ll then get a flashback to this. 

I then think it will cut back to them and Betty will ask ‘what are we going to do?’. The next time we’ll see Barchie will be when they are away from each other. I think they will both be contemplating things and I think we will get more flashbacks with both of them thinking back on their relationship. I also think this will be when Archie writes Betty a song. He will then call her up and ask her to come to the bunker and he’ll sing the song for her. I think this will be a really sweet and emotional moment. I think it’ll be very reminiscent of the scene in season 1 when Archie plays for Betty, Kevin and Veronica and Betty has to run off because she’s so overcome with emotion. I do think that Archie will stop Betty from leaving and tell her he wants to be with her and that they should tell Veronica and Jugead. This will cause a disagreement between them as Betty who was really hurt by him in the past will be more reluctant to risk her heart by giving them a chance now. I also think Betty feels very stable in her relationship with Jughead and doesn’t want to disrupt that, she feels safe with him and I do think she still loves and cares for him, her feelings for Archie hasn’t changed that. I also feel like while Archie is very impulsive Betty is a lot more think before you act. I do think Archie is going to have to fight for her. But I also think that Archie unlike Betty has already made up his mind that he wants to be with Betty. After the argument Betty will leave before later telling him that she doesn’t want anything to change between the four of them and to just forget what happened. This will leave Archie pining after Betty like Betty was after him in season 1. In the last episode of the season it’ll somehow be revealed that they kissed, whether it’s through a videotape being left or shown or by someone catching them. That’ll be the cliffhanger for the season. 

Theory 2 

Ok so that’s theory one but what if we rearrange things. What if we say that actually the picture where they seem to be disagreeing happens before the one where they are together on the bed. It is possible that when we start out the episode it quickly becomes painfully obvious that Betty has been actively avoiding Archie since the kiss. As I’ve said before I do think that Archie wants to be with Betty and wants to be with her now and so he’s getting really frustrated and upset that she doesn’t want to talk to him. Again this will be similar to how it was in season 1 when Archie was really struggling with Betty not wanting to talk to him. Archie realises that after rejecting her before that he really needs to do something to prove that he is sincere and that he means it when he says he wants to be with her. So this is when he writes her a song it’s likely that we’ll see some flashbacks to their childhood when he is writing it. He then texts her to meet him in the bunker. Cue a scene where we have Archie lighting all the candles and getting everything ready and then pacing around restlessly worrying that she might not come but praying that she will as it gets later and later. Then just when you (and Archie) don’t think she’s going to show, in walks Betty. I then think it’ll play out the same as in theory one. Archie will sing the song, Betty will get overwhelmed, Archie will tell her he wants to be with her, I also think he might tell her he loves her, they’ll disagree and Betty will leave. However in this theory this isn’t where it ends. I think after leaving it’ll be Betty who has flashbacks this time as she remembers all the good memories she had with him and how much she loved him all those years, she’ll again feel overwhelmed and will go down to the bunker to be alone and get some space to think. Archie who has spent the day absolutely miserable because he thinks he’s lost any chance of being with Betty is thinking the same thing, that he just needs some alone time. So he too goes to the bunker and finds Betty there. They share an intense look and without speaking Archie comes and lays on the bed next to her and we get the scene from the promo. The fact that this was the only scene in the promo makes me think its a really important scene. It’ll then fade into the flashback of them laying on the floor. One thing I am certain of is that those two scenes will follow each other. When it comes back to current Barchie I think this will be when Betty realises that she still loves him the same now as she did back then and that she can’t deny her feelings anymore. Maybe Barchie then share a kiss. While staring deeply into each others eyes Betty will say something intense and profound like ‘Everything is going to change you know.’ Archie will say, ‘I know.’ Then the last line of the episode will be Betty saying ‘I love you.’ Fade to black. This is my favourite theory to be honest but being a Barchie shipper I am biased. I’m not sure how likely it is to happen but I do think its a good possibility. But then we’ve been baited with Barchie so much in the past that reining in my expectations is my kinda of go to. But I also feel like after all the hints over the seasons and all the build up there needs to be some kind of pay off and well I like to be optimistic so you never know.  

Theory 3

Ok so another reshuffle lets get crazy and say that this scene that shows Betty looking very overwhelmed and upset

actually happens before this one where Archie sings her the song.

I mean what if we are interpreting it all wrong? What if they aren’t disagreeing at all?  Lets say that right before this scene Jughead has just told/ shown Betty the video of the guy in the Jughead mask being bludgeoned to death by the woman in the Betty mask. Maybe Barchie had already arranged to meet but right before she leaves Jughead lets her in on this awful new piece of information. So when Betty gets to the bunker she is in full freak out mode about it, understandably. She’s not arguing with him but explaining about the video tape. In this picture here Betty looks really sad and worried more than angry to me. 

 She also appears to be standing as oppose to sitting as far as I can tell so I don’t think its her reacting to the song while Archie is playing it. I think this might be where Archie is telling her to take a few deep breaths and calm down and here she’s actively trying to get herself back together. I then think Archie will try to cheer her up by singing her the song in the same way that Betty tried to cheer Archie up last episode by suggesting they rehearse. Using music as a way to take their worries off their minds for a moment. Part of the reason why I think this is because if you look at their faces while Archie is singing they are both smiling. 

This picture here for example could be Archie gving Betty a reassuring or comforting smile. By some miracle maybe we don’t get an episode where one or the other is doubting their feelings, maybe its just full of really nice moments where they talk openly and honestly with each other and accept that they have feelings for each other and that they should be together but that with all the craziness going on elsewhere in the episode, because I feel like from the summary that Jughead and Veronica aren’t going to be around Betty and Archie much, they don’t get the chance to come clean to Jughead and Veronica but by the end of the episode they have both agreed that the right thing to do is to come clean and for them to be together. Yeah I know living in a dream world but dreams are important guys is what makes life tolerable.

Another theory I had is very similar to this one which is why I’m just going to put it in with it. Same kinda thing but instead of Betty freaking out because she found out about the video Jughead saw, it’s because they themselves recieved a videotape, of them kissing in Archie’s garage. I feel like whoever the new bad guy is they wanted Jughead to see that video. They wanted him to feel scared and threatened. In the same way I think that they might try and do the same thing to Betty and Archie. Letting them know that they were being watched and that this person knows their secret. Maybe they are having a little disagreement about whether to tell Jughead and Veronica about the kiss before the bad guy does. 

Out of the three theories, while I do think this one could be possible I think its the less likely one. I feel like Jughead might not tell Betty in the next episode about the video tape. They were arguing last episode and he might not want to upset her with it. But I could be totally wrong afterall sometimes dreams really do come true. 

The Flashback Theories

So these ones aren’t really about where I think Barchie will go from here but they were bopping around in my head so I figured why not mention them. So this is in regards to the flashback of them laying on the floor holding hands. There were actually two pictures of it going around. 

I did see some people talking about this, but if you play a game of spot the difference there is a very obvious change between the pictures. While the poses are the same and it looks like the same scene they are wearing completely different clothing. Now you could say that the reason for this is simply that they reshot the scene with them wearing clothes that were more similar to the scene with current Barchie. I mean you can’t deny the clothes are nearly identical. Lil Betty has on a longsleeved pink top under denim dungarees. Older Betty has on a pink long sleeved top with a denim dungaree style dress. Lil Archie is wearing a dark blue long sleeved top with dark jeans and older Archie is also in a blue top and black jacket with dark jeans. I do think this was done very deliberately so that the fade between the two scenes would work better but also to draw a parallel between the two scenes. So yes you could say that the scene was reshot. However I have another theory and it’s based off that scene when Archie gave Betty a really thoughtful secret santa. It was a read along record that Betty commented they used to listen to all the time. This made me think that this listening to records happened on multiple occasions and that it was a common thing for them to do back then. In the flashback pictures it is shown that they are listening to records. Which makes me think that they are actually wearing different clothes because they are from two different scenes. I actually think its possible we’re going to get a montage of lil Barchie and it’ll show us that Barchie used to lie on the floor like this holding hands often and that it was sort of their thing, it was a Barchie thing.

Betty Burns Her Diaries Theories.

So this is obviously about this picture. 

 It seems like Betty will be burning all her diaries. Again there’s a couple of theories on why she might be doing this. Again the most common theory I’ve seen going around is that Betty is tryng to burn away her feelings for Archie. I do think this a pretty good theory. But again I do have another one. We are making the assumption that her burning the diaries has something to do with Barchie. It might not though. I mean I don’t know when this scene takes place whether its in this episode or the one after. But what we do now is that its their final year at high school. They are coming up for some big changes in their lifes and its a time of transition for them. I actually think Betty could just be burning the diaries as a way of saying goodbye to the old her and preparing herself to embrace a new start as she moves onto the next stage of her life. I mean think about it, they’ve not exactly had the best of times in Riverdale, alot of bad things has happened to them over the years it could just be that Betty wants to let all the memories of those bad things go and move on from them. Part of the reason why I think this is because of the accompanying picture of Archie where he is at his Father’s grave. I can’t really see how this would be related to Barchie really unless he’s talking it all through with his dad as a way of making snese of it all. But the two scenes do give me similar vibes. I do think Archie is going through the same process. This chapter of his life is drawing to a close and he’s reflecting on the things he’s leaving behind, the things he’s lost and that’s taken him to his Father’s grave. I think we’ll get similar scenes with the other characters as well as we see them beginning to reflect. The future is looming and they are all saying goodbye to their pasts as a way of preparing for the future. I actually think this is most likely what they are going to be going for in this scene, after all as much as the show is about murder mysteries and all that it’s also about the teenagers at the center of the story. The only other reason I could think of other than the two already mentioned, for her burning her diaries is that there is some information in them that the new bad guy might try and use to blackmail them, so she burns them to get rid of the evidence but I’m not confident on that theory. Anyway thats it for now. Don’t know about you guys but I’m really looking forward to the next episode. 

[wigwurq]

WIG REVIEW: THE PROM

You guys. Remember when just last week week I LOLed at my mom when I told her I had finally watched the lesbian holiday movie (The Happiest Season) and she thought I meant The Prom and I told her (and then you, dear readers!) that it would take me forever to hate watch that. WELL I JUST HATE WATCHED THAT. There is a lot to discuss, you guys. ALSO WIGS.

We begin in “New York City” or the CGI hellscape replication of it. Nothing about this movie is authentic except for maybe NY1′s theater reporter, Frank Dilella at the opening of a fake musical called “Eleanor! The Eleanor Roosevelt Musical!” which is meant to be a hilarious joke (it is not) starring Meryl Streep as Eleanor and James Corden as FDR and JOKE IS ON THEM AND US because why are they in this terrible movie and why the hell am I watching it? Oh right: THE WIGS. YOU GUYS THE WIGS. Meryl, who is truly slumming more in this than any other actor in this garbage also has to endure the very worst wig. SHE DID HAVE AN EVEN WORSE WIG IN MARY POPPINS RETURNS. But here this wig is so very much a bad wig that I struggled for a while wondering if this was going to be a wig within the narrative but no. Sadly, it looks like a castoff from some QVC Liza Minnelli wig collection.

AND EVERYONE LOOKS LIKE THEY ARE DRESSED IN A QVC LIZA MINNELLI NON-HALSTON SEQUIN COLLECTION GHOSTMARE (Liza should probably trademark that tho). I HAVE NEVER SEEN SO MANY SEQUINS OUTSIDE OF DAVID GEST’S GUEST HOUSE. Also, after the fake Eleanor musical opens, Meryl and James retire to “Sardis” or the CGI version of it where they discover that their show got (gasp!) bad reviews. EVERYONE LEAVES IMMEDIATELY except Meryl, James, Andrew Rannells who is another actor/bartender and NICOLE KIDMAN.

SHE IS ALSO WEARING SEQUINS AND HAS A BAD WIG. But we are talking about Nicole Kidman, so the chances of her wearing a bad wig are 110%. I couldn’t honestly tell you what her role is in this other than “another Broadway actress”(?) Her wig is likely the same one that Joanna Lumley wore for 10 seasons as Patsy in Absolutely Fabulous which has in the last decade or so been slowly decaying in a crawlspace somewhere only to reappear on the head of Nicole Kidman in the role of “another Broadway actress” in this movie. Anyway, all these washed up randos decide they need to stop acting and start activist-ing and pin all their hopes on a lesbian in Indiana who wanted to go to the prom and got the whole prom shut down due to smallmindedness. They travel to Indiana in a non-equity Godspell touring bus during which time my husband asked me who designs bus seats and truly: that is a question more profound and interesting than anything you will find in this “film.” But I do have many questions! If these actors have all been on Broadway and Meryl’s character has a few Tonys even, why do they need to bus it to Indiana?!?!

Anyway, over in “Indiana” (all places are actually LA or a set or a CGI hellscape), there is a big community meeting or something which is still all about not having a prom, because the only damn thing that matters in this community is THE PROM. The NYC actors show up and turn the meeting into a musical extravaganza with Meryl and her tragic wig center stage. More questions!! As a theater piece, it would make sense for this whole meeting to suddenly become a musical performance complete with spotlight entrances and sparkle curtains because it is already all fantasy. Ryan Murphy has no interest in creating a more realistic presentation in this new medium and just lets that happen here too? Sure - I guess the actors could have just arrived with all stage cues and crews to make this happen (LOLOL NO THEY COULDN’T) and this is honestly exactly why most stage to screen adaptations rarely work (though to be very fair - I had just about as much interest in seeing this on stage as on TV - negative 1000%). All realism, logic, quality, are not at all what this “movie” is aiming for. JUST SEQUINS! CONSTANT GODDAMNED SEQUINS! 

It should be noted that Kerry Washington plays the conservative PTA mom at the center of canceling prom and bitch got away with the very best wig! Also the big spoiler here is that her daughter is the secret lesbian love of the lesbian she is trying to stop from going to the prom! GASP! Kerry also made really terrible career choices this year between this and Little Fires Everywhere which also involves secret lesbians. 

Also those lesbians have a love song that looks like this - aka that one scene in the loathsome La La Land which was itself completely derivative. There are many (many!) derivative scenes in this movie - a later one on a staircase with Nicole Kidman is a clear nod to that one staircase scene in All That Jazz (RIP ANN REINKING!) This was all done intentionally for us theater nerds but also all the movies it ripped off I also hated so? NO THANK YOU THE PROM. ALSO THE MAIN LESBIAN’S GRANDMOTHER IS PLAYED BY MARY KAY PLACE AND I LOVE MARY KAY PLACE FYI. 

Anyway! The NYC actors start their very ill-advised get-back-the-Prom campaign at......CGI monster truck rally wherein Andrew Rannells wears THIS GODDAMNED COAT. Trying to find any logic or realism in this movie is about as foolhardy as being Andrew Rannells wearing this coat and singing a musical theater song at a CGI monster truck rally in “Indiana.” 

Also! Keegan Michael Key is in this (WHO I LOVE ALWAYS) as the liberal principal who is trying to make prom happen. He also is a HUGE MUSICAL THEATER FAN though that doesn’t actually translate to being gay - it translates to him being obsessed with Meryl Streep who is his favorite stage actress. Sure! It all turns into Keegan Michael Key being a love interest with Meryl Streep which I DID NOT SEE COMING but I would love to watch an actual rom com with the two of them and not whatever this is? THEY HAVE A DATE AT AN APPLEBEES YOU GUYS HOW DID THIS HAPPEN.

At said Applebees (or “Applebees” more accurately because I’ve never seen one that sparkles like this), Keegan has a nice ballad which I couldn’t possibly hum for you now where he sings about the escapism of THEATRE and there is a flashback to him seeing Meryl in a musical called “Swallow the Moon” which is a pretty hilarious title and the whole thing looks exactly like another Liza Minnelli fashion show - this time with maybe a circus theme? At any rate, Meryl’s flashback wig is longer and more of a fashion bob but is still very fretful. 

I would like to take this opportunity to say that although I never saw The Prom musical on Broadway, from the pictures I have seen, Beth Leavel’s wig (in the same role as Meryl) is vastly superior in every way, despite the fact that stage wigs are allowed to be different/inferior as they are viewed from further away and not in bitter bitter closeup. 

Meryl looks great in close-up by the way BUT THAT WIG!!! I couldn’t find a good picture of it, but the hair part (if you can call it that?) is a dangerous ravine of mysteries none of which have anything to do with looking like real hair. MERYL HAS MORE OSCARS THAN ANYONE HOW WAS SHE GIVEN THIS WIG?! HOW!!!!!

Anyway, back to the “plot” of this movie, the PTA somehow agree to having a prom and all the kids go around prom-posaling (which is an awful horrible thing that I’m glad I was never part of) and which truly begs the question: if the kids hadn’t prom-posaled (UGH) to begin with, how did word get out that two lesbians were going and how did this prom get derailed in the first place? WHY AM I ASKING ABOUT PLOT HOLES WHEN THIS ENTIRE THING IS A PLOT HOLE?!?!?! So they have the prom, but it’s all an elaborate and cruel ruse and the real prom is at some hotel and the fake prom only for this one sad lesbian is a really depressing affair in the school gym (THIS PART OF THE MOVIE IS LEGIT HORRIBLE AND SAD). So Nicole Kidman, in the very important role of “another Broadway actress” that definitely needed to exist, decides to tell her to just “razzle dazzle ‘em” (WHICH ABSOLUTELY MEANS NOTHING IN THIS CONTEXT) in a very Fosse inspired (AND INCREDIBLY NIGHTMARE INDUCING) and also very confusing number. Also Andrew Rannells convinces a bunch of teenagers in a mall to like gay people! Mazel!

ALSO TRACEY ULLMAN IS IN THIS MOVIE AND NO ONE TOLD ME AND SHE HAS AN AWFUL WIG! So ok - James Corden, who I normally adore, plays a gay character with an American accent and in conclusion, is very miscast in this role. One of the few things Ryan Murphy has done which I actually liked was the revival of Boys in the Band (the play - I have yet to watch the movie!) And the entire cast was gay men playing gay men. Not sure why he then cast James Corden in this role because it’s not like we’re having a shortage of gay men who can sing? A friend of mine rightly pointed out that this character should have been played by Titus Burgess and VERY YES. Anyway, that’s not what happened and anyway, Tracey Ullman plays his mother who he reconnects with and I’m pretty sure the wig she wears was from her own collection from one of her past sketch shows and though I applaud wig recycling, bitch deserved better.

So yes - all these Broadway actor characters inexplicably are still in Indiana just TRYING TO MAKE THE PROM HAPPEN and Meryl, who somehow has both a celebrity ex husband and a Hamptons house (AGAIN WHY DID SHE TAKE A BUS TO INDIANA) uses both to get the main lesbian a forum on TV but she doesn’t take it and instead makes a singer-songwriter YouTube video which everyone on earth simultaneously watched!!! We are supposed to believe that this random video got 8 million views and she decides to use that leverage to make her own inclusive prom. This is a very lovely idea but again: not based in reality so Keegan is all: girl we need $$ to have a prom and somehow she doesn’t immediately make a go-fund me from all those YouTube views she got and instead all these actors throw down their credit cards to fund The Prom which is really horrifying knowing about real events which will totally make all those actors very unemployed (#2020) and YES I KNOW THIS MOVIE IS THE OPPOSITE OF REALITY BUT STILL.

In the end, ALL OF LIZA MINNELLI’S NON-HALSTON SEQUIN COLLECTION QVC FASHIONS get their own damn prom and even Kerry Washington shows up in the most outrageous sequined number after her daughter finally comes out to her and everyone dances it out and life is reaffirmed and Meryl’s wig IS STILL A PILE OF GARBAGE AS IS THIS MOVIE.

VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ