#sometimes.... i have thoughts đ
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Drawtober Prompt 6 âą Ghostly Ballroom
While drawing this I was thinking about the song "He Is" to accompany this piece.
#listennn. I HAD to do this. I saw the prompt and the only thing endlessly spinning in my brain was the band Ghost đđđ#i know the meaning is not the same bu- but my brain just- rhwabajsnnsk I chose to interpret it loosely đ#sometimes you have to give in to the intrusive thoughts#and it didn't help that I was listening to Ghost /a lot/ recently#so yea terzo and omega it is#terzo#papa terzo#papa emeritus iii#omega ghoul#terzomega#nameless ghouls#ghost#the band ghost#ghost bc#ghost fanart#ghost the band#drawtober#drawtober 2023#mayhem art
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HAPPY 7 YEARS OF HYPMIC EVERYONE đ°đ„łđ°đ„łđ°đ„ł
to celebrate, iâm just going to list seven moments hypmic irrevocably changed the trajectory of my entire life lmao
1ïžâŁ buying the lives was probably the best worst thing i could have ever done to myself lmao. by the time iâd realised you could buy them, only the 2nd&3rd lives were out on dvd (theyâre bundled together on one set), and though it wasnât the first hypmic purchase i made, it kicked off the lives obsession lol. the 2nd live in particular blew my mind lol it was the first time most of the cast were on stage for hypmic and iâll never forget the happy surprise on kijima-sanâs face when the crowd screamed along to his call and response parts in drb lol. on top of that, kimura beatboxed live on stage confirming it really was ichiro beatboxing, shiraimu and nozu in lieu of souma-sanâs absence gave it their all singing his parts and nozu dropped the sickest freestyle, and the samajuto cigarette kiss was born and so thoroughly rewired everyoneâs brains, it just became part of samatokiâs character lmao
2ïžâŁ this list very easily can be just about the lives lol but i also loved getting to watch them live lol. forever and always đđcorona but getting to sidestep around abemaâs booboo dookie region locks to watch the 5th live set off a precedence for needing to live watch them lmao. itâs probably the snowball that kicked off the avalanche that convinced me to try to go to japan for the first time in ten years, give or take, and batâs 8th live day two was their most special live yet lmao
3ïžâŁ ITS NOT A LIVE ITS A STREAM LOL but the moment the kuukou brainrot roundhouse kicked me in the face was watching kuukouâs spirit possess hayama-san in real time lol i would have saved myself from so much heartbreak if i had stayed a matenhoe but nooooooo kuukou had to manifest in his seiyuu and i haaaaaad to watch it happen live and now iâm kuukouâs btch đ
4ïžâŁ wanna know how i became a matenrou stan lol???? jakuraiâs voice introducing matenrou to the world in drb and hifumi flexing the love his women give to him makes him filthy rich lmao
5ïžâŁ iâve felt a lot of frustration whilst mucking about in hypmic land, but i donât think i have ever experienced as frustrating emotional rollercoaster ride more than the one hypstage has taken me on lmao!!!!! hypmic sneakily changing their description of the franchise from âvoice projectâ to âmultimedia projectâ when it was announced, okay actually showing a fantastic story despite hypmicâs âlackâ of one back in the day, nagosaka getting introduced and giving us simultaneously the best and âworstâ depiction of kuukou, only exclude them in the following tracks lmaooo, creating a really cool concept for mixing division pairs with an oridivi only for it to get cancelled like genuinely đđcovid but rolling up with the greatest comeback in the form of the rep lives where in the middle of the run we were given the best kuukou performance yet, shortly followed by the announcement that everyone was graduating!!!!!!!! but bop 2023 was magical; a fantastic send off to a legendary cast and closure to the pinnacle of stage production and hypmic storytelliâ the stage was rebooted six months later in an absolute betrayal that was quite literally assuaged my love for hypmic, hatred for nelke and getting REAL WOMEN on stage lmao
6ïžâŁ and so like lemme circle back around to batâs 8th live lmao. do you know how crazy that time was lol???? bat stans threw together a really sick flower display at a local flower shop, crowdfunded to make the lights display in this popular mall in nagoya shine purple for them, bars dedicating drinks for bat and welcoming live goers for an after party drink, day two of the live fell on batâs 3rd anniversary and a few days prior they dropped the bright and dark mv for hypstage and the hella awesome banquet mv that bat stans ripped to shreds analysing jp bat fans my BELOVED lmao november is truly a bat month lol but anyway the 8th live was a peak time and i miss it daily!!!!!!!!
7ïžâŁ instead of being really gross and sappy about kuukou or the piece of merch that got me into hypmic lol shoutout to the music like actually lol. dba locked me in the moment i listened to it and i think very fondly of those days going thru the youtube for more lol. gave me a refreshed appreciation for music, esp jp music, got me to listen to more music instead of the couple hundred or so songs iâve been listening to since i was in middle school LOL. so thanks hypmic, for giving me peak dissociation songs (like tigridia), the hypest shit that had me yelling (like moonlight shadow) and songs that had my heart racing at 3 in the morning and thoroughly unable to sleep lol (can you believe kaigen exists in this world and they let that shit drop during bat vs mtr 6th live and bc the bat seiyuuâs stage presence is just top tier they blew it out of the park frame one and she says the brainrot didnât truly settle until live watching hayama-san get possessed but the damage was truly done listening to that calced cacophony of noise and in the ensuing silence as hayama-sanâs âkaigenâ echoed throughout the studio OH IM GOING TO BE SICKâ)
#this is vee speaking#ik i said i was doing a song list but iâll save that for later lol đ#i also intended to have some fanart but i instead prioritised other endeavours instead of drawing *wheeze*#but man lol!!!! 7 years is a long time lol!!!!!#i donât think i expected to be here as long as i have been despite hating fandom hopping in the first place#and thank goodness iâve stuck it out lol like i have made a lot of bad decisions in the name of hypmic lmao#but iâve also gotten to go to japan when i personally never thought i would again lol!!!!! learn new shit!!!!#have a fandom blog thatâs lasted more than a year on my part lmao where people sometimes discuss stuff with me!!!!!!!#itâs fun lol iâve had a lot of fun đđđđđđ#HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN HYPMIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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yall the truth is đ§ââïžđ§ââïžđ§ââïžđ§ââïž
there isn't anything specific that mina said WAAAAHHHH it was just meant to imply that a rumor about you and nerd bakugou getting together was floating around ïżœïżœïżœđ„șđ„ș
#SORRY TO DISAPPOINT#sometimes i like to keep things open đ„ș so you can put your own personal thoughts in there đ„ș#make it a little more fitted to you đ„ș#what do you WANT mina to have said about you and him ?? đ„ș#then that's what she said đđ©·âšïž#âż shut up willow
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one of my (creative) resolutions for next year is to whinge less about writing being hard. đ itâs not hardâitâs just a fussy process sometimes that also has to compete with me like, doing other things. đ
iâve been feeling a lil disconnected from the community, thanks to a deadly combo of a) just not reading x reader stuff at the moment and b) not having a faster output on my own pieces. đ for better or for worse, tumblr is a ecosystem that relies on constant output, and i am not a sprinter in that regard; i am unforch a long distance ambler. đđđ but this disconnect has meant that iâve kinda lagged behind with an empty waterbottle and am now asking myself what i want my priorities to be: do i keep running the long race or switch over to the sprint track?
ultimately, no matter what fancies i get into my head, my biggest sense of creative satisfaction comes from seeing my ideas through. so beyond whatever momentary sillies you might see me indulge in, here, i think from now on iâm just going to make a concentrated effort to do the best by the WIPs i actively promise. đȘđœâš
anyways. hello and happy sunday. đ letâs go into december ready to take on the new year when it comes. đ€đœ âš
#there was no point to this post except⊠to whinge LMAOOO#alas unforch for us all i am human đ#but iâve been mulling over this as i hesitate over what it is i really want to do with the fics i have planned#and sometimes you just need to write the thoughts out đđ
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So anyway the date went well lmao
#not snz#I'm still ahdkkaskaks#he's actually so fucking cute like ahdkakska#like we've been hanging out outside of work for a hot minute now but it feels Different#i like getting to hold his hand now đ#sometimes he gives my hand a lil squeeze and i melt lmao#also we had the conversation that i was afraid was gonna make him not want any of this anymore#but it was Not A Problem and it ended up being one of the things he likes about me so#love that for me I'm chill now#anyway his eyes are so fucking pretty#OH and i did bake cookies for him#and he was so surprised i made something for just him bc usually when i bake it's for all the coworkers#and i gave him a lil flower but he just stared at it for a minute and i thought i fucked up#but then he hugged me and said I'm cute and i was like đ„°#but apparently nobody has ever tried to romance this dude back like hello#i thought all parties were supposed to be trying to woo each other#idk how to do that but if this is all it takes to make him blush and give me a cute little smile then I'll have to keep doing it lmao#anyway i had fun i always like spending time with him#oh oh and he gave me this really cute plushie and i was so đ„șđ„șđ„șđ„°#nothing much else happened it was just talking as usual#with the added bonus of openly flirting lmaooo#and we're going on another date soon so đ„°#i should make a tag for this ahskaks#partner posting
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Man, talking to people that aren't buried in queer and furry culture like I am is such a good way to keep myself grounded. Like, one of my friends just asked me what a catboy or dogboy was (I made bead bracelets a long time ago saying those) and that gave me the chance to stop and think what I want those terms to mean for myself. Sometimes it's cool to have someone who just knows and understands, but other times it's super cool having folk around me that don't get it first try, no matter how weird that might sound to say.
#reminds me of when a friend J didn't understand my gender and asked me to explain#first of all I'm always down for a good infodump but that gave me the chance to sit and think what my gender actually means to me#I'm so used to expecting being ignored when folks don't understand that it always throws me off a bit#but I like getting to define terms for myself#(but also sometimes it's wonderful not having to explainâlike one of my friends just came out as genderfluid and so I got to tell them abou#how my gender is technically fluid because I know they understand instead of me getting stuck just explaining how I'm nonbinary)#anywayss cool thoughts#btw just finished moving in and having my first classes this semester - they're super cool and I might totally die of overwork this time LO#love my classes <3 all except my group-based computing classes I still don't know if I hate y'all or not#I just watched a movie for my Spanish class and it almost made me cry right before classes (if you know Roma you know)#but life's been good so far đ#fenn rambles#a glimpse into my real life lol#J friend jumpscare#A friend <3
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have you ever talked about Adam and Belle's wedding ? what they wore, if they ran off/tried to hide from guests, etc, etc, etc ????? please share I love weddings
EEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! okay so actually fun fact i made a big master post about much of this stuff a couple years ago. SO GO READ THAT! but then come back because thatâs Mostly about the ceremony which means here i can discuss the reception >:)
actually i also have this tiny one from the ceremony. okay NOW reception time
iâm guessing the reception took place at their palace in paris. i know they have one, because they live there sometimes, so thatâs probably where the reception was. in the ballroom!!!! (and the dining hall for the FEAST!)
i say this in that other post but yeah i mean obviously dancing was the biggest aspect. belle danced with her father and adam danced with mrs. potts and at other points belle danced with lumiere and adam danced with plumette. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY??? adam and belle danced with each other almost Constantly.
they were very often beside each other, holding hands or adamâs hands on her waist. though they would get separated sometimes because so many people wanted to talk to them!!! :-(
this wedding was CRAZY like soooo many people came to it. the ballroom is like 4 times the size of the one at the castle in villeneuve. itâs just this giant hall and itâs full of people and mingling and laughing and dancing
WHICH IS VERY OVERWHELMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so i think (and gosh iâd love to write this sometime, but havenât yet) i think at some point belle catches the look on adamâs face and she can just tell heâs way too overstimulated. in general he has a pretty good social mask but gosh itâs just the biggest event heâs been to in a Long Ass Time. so belle quietly takes his hand and leads him away. even the courtyard is full of people, but she knows he needs fresh air, so they go up some stairs and too a secret random room that has a balcony. and the noise change is so dramatic but Necessary. it is Silent now.
anyway they stand on the balcony and adam isnât saying anything at first but he hasnât stopped holding her hand
and belle squeezes it and asks if heâs okay and he eventually smiles at her and says yes. why did we invite so many people? and it makes her laugh. which makes him laugh :)
she hugs him around the waist and they both just breathe and look out at the view of sweet lovely paris. they probably talk more but iâll save that for when the fic is ever created đ©”đ€
anyway after that little break they do eventually rejoin the party and continue dancing the night away. itâs just such a whirlwind of a magical day.
#EEEEE :))#i debated if i should discuss⊠The Wedding Night⊠but you know what? iâll save it for now đ iâll keep my secrets đ#i wanna write the fic of their wedding night so badly and i do have a draft of it but the dialogue changes sometimes#just not saitiafied yet#also i donât wanna right the uh. Ahem. the actual Nightâąïž#just wanna write the lead up because itâs very special!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#but has to be done Right. you get it#ANYWAY BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL DAY đ©”đ€đ©”đ€đ©”đ€#beloved wedding thoughts#<- thatâs my wedding tag for them lmao#adelle#batb headcanons#batb 2017#thanks bud as always :â3#alex tag#answered
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considering making art about the alternate timeline where juniper is a private tutor for a wealthy estate and not elaborating on why
#the problem is I think it would actually annoy me very much to make actual art about 'what if she had stayed with isabelle'#but not explain it agdjfldgsks#honestly her romantic history isn't even an important secret it's just one I've been keeping so long it would feel weird not to anymore#it's for HER to choose to bring up. OR for the DM to drop on her as a random social encounter đ#anyway. june being kept around like a loyal dog because waiting for scraps of leftover affection is better than having none#june learning to be demure and professional while her beloved performs her public facing role as A Wife to A Husband#june telling herself it doesn't matter that they actually do seem happy together. it doesn't matter to see belle look at a man that way#as long as she still looks at her that way too-- sometimes-- at belle's whim-- behind closed doors#june helping raise her children but having no right to call them hers-- having no right even to say how much she loves them#june never wandering the world. she can't afford to go far. her home is here now and anyway the family needs her#she thought about it-- back then- when they broke up over it instead. all of it. sometimes she still thinks about it.#sometimes she thinks about the children belle must have by now and aches so badly she feels she could die#maybe being a mistress to a young noble with little children who need teachers is the closest she could have ever come to motherhood#but she IS doing better now that she's found love again and isn't in the 'well that was my One Chance at not dying alone' zone anymore#my OCs#juniper
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Know what icks me out Grey's anatomy wise?
There's a line in private practice for Addison says that she's known Amelia said she was 12 and we know Addison and Derek didn't meet until med school and we also know that there's 12 years between merder. That means there's about a 10-year age gap which puts only 2 years older than Meredith. The part that icks me out is the fact that Derek was chasing after Meredith so hard in the early seasons because she's essentially the same age as his kid sister.
The age thing with grey's anatomy is complicated because Meredith is supposed to be older than the rest of her intern class, so she's closer to the 30 than 25 in season one so, like, a 30 yo woman with 40 yo man is not that problematic. Also I'm pretty sure Amelia is supposed to be 5 years older than Meredith in canon (there's the way Amelia is a full-blown neurosurgeon before Meredith is even a general surgeon so she has a head start), so this will make it worse for you but he went after a woman 5 years younger than his baby sister. My thing with merder, even though they have their moments for me, is the way that he's her direct supervisor and he still just gets away with emotionally yoyoing her for a good part of what? 4 seasons? I think if we're gonna go age we need to talk Mark and Lexi and the way Lexi is 24 and Mark is in his 40s since he's the same age as Derek. Honestly, the age thing is not the problem with merder in my opinion, it's the way Derek never stopped thinking he was above Meredith, the way he was too arrogant to let her be all she could be. I think the power imbalance in the relationship makes the age gap worse when you stop to think about it, even Meredith calls him out on it at some point before he dies. But since the actors are really close in age and the way that in 2005 media didn't give a shit, the show ends up putting them as an epic love in a way that if you don't stop to think about it you will actually believe it.
#honestly im 27 if a hot 39 yo neurosurgeon decided he wanted me i might give it a go ngl#but i totally see your point#i have complicated feelings over merder as whole#sometimes im like oh my god they're so cute#because they have their moments#and sometimes im like DIVORCE#i sometimes cant believe they let her marry him after the whole ''you dont get to call me a whore'' speech#and sometimes I'm all they are soulmates and its very complicated#they show pushes the idea that they are meant to be really hard so it clouds our judgment#but yeah 12 years and Meredith is younger than his baby sister#that's definitely a thought i will be ruminating for a while#i know amelia is older but i never clicked for me that that meant derek married someone younger than his baby sister#greys anatomy#i really need a tag for asks#anon đ
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Im often here to see your tags. It makes me cackle! Have a great weekend <3
Top 5 best compliments I've ever gotten. As a life-long tag connoisseur, thank you! đ„čđ«¶đ»
#ive often wondered if i should move more of my thoughts to the posts#cause having basically my entire blog exist in the tags can really get inconvenient sometimes#but at this point its too late lol#ive wallowed here in the sewers so long i can no longer return to walk the streets in the sun#this is my home đ
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brb going insane <3
#BJORK I LOVE YOU#stamping out the regret i sometimes feel for being friends witg someone i genuinely hope to never see again#bc he was the only trans person i knew at the time so of course we were gonna become best friends#and at that point we were both they/them#i learned today that he is now he/him but anyway doesnt rlly matter#its a stream of thoughts that plague me still#i stopped being friends with him like⊠a few months over a year ago#at the end of senior year#and it was Rough but like#i cant truly let myself regret it because he meant so much to me at one point#if i didnt have him in middle school i honestly dont know what wouldâve happened#i have him blocked on tumblr so he will not be seeing this ever đđ#yet again lemme get off my mfing soapbox and just go tf to sleep#rambles#winter stfu
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(Shattered Glass) I read about how Soundwaveâs joints would lock up sometimes because of him being a mix of cybertronian and earth metals and I couldnât stop thinking about it đ I also thought about how Starscream tried to get him to stop working for once in the comics; he really doesnât take care of himself does he đ
(This one I made much longer agoâ) I also think this mightâve happened atleast once
Alas these are also from @knight-says-rollout! I really liked their analysis about Sg Soundwave đ disability in Transformers is really interesting! It also prompted me to think about how (atleast in IDW) Soundwaveâs telepathy strugglesâ at the least to me, and my familiarity with mental disabilities, was reminiscent/like an allegory of a mental disability; ofc he grew to manage and even work with it but at base level he did often talk about how his ability stunted him (especially when he was younger) ; I have a lot more to say about this but thatâs for another time, if anyoneâs interested
#transformers#transformers shattered glass#transformers sg#tf sg#shattered glass#megatron#starscream#soundwave#sg starscream#sg soundwave#sg megatron#transformers art#transformers fanart
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a new reality show concept where a bunch of influencers who disrupt public peace & film without permission are put on an island and then hunted for sport. whoever gets the most kills gets the most ad revenue
#basically what happened was these two guys came into the donut shop today guns blazing with a phone recording#& i thought it might be facetime (because sometimes people do that in the shop when ordering for another person)#& i asked & they said âno weâre recording a food vlogâ#cool. why the fuck didnât you ask permission.#(not only is it common courtesy but the place is technically private property and needs the owners consent)#& i said quietly that i didnât want to be in it and tried to hide myself#& the guy said âdonât worry you wonât beâitâs about me đâ all smug#& i guess Iâll have to take his word for it but Iâm sure they arenât gonna edit me out. so i get no consent i just have to be in it#& i hid in the back & now Iâm crying in my car on break. my other coworkers thought he shouldâve asked but overall it was cool#which. sure a food vlog is cool. still donât want to be in it though#Iâm sure Iâm partially emotional because of like. the devilâs cycle. at least thatâs what my mom says. but god this just pisses me off#itâs so unfair that this is the state of the world#rose.txt
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hi. i would like to request seungcheol (obviously). all i request is enemies-to-lovers. you may do with this what you wish. i leave it up to you to decide exactly how you will ruin my life đ
tysm for the request my beloved !! he is so enemies to lovers coded i had TEWWW many thoughts (and started three separate wips oops), but here we are. i hope u enjoy this !! can't wait to get the collab fics out of the way so i can torture u further with baseball dk. i picked dodgers hat!cheol just for u. âĄ
â we need to talk
pairing: choi seungcheol x f. reader summary: sometimes the only way to win the game is to not play, but sometimes it's not a game at allâsometimes it's four years of emotional build-up with nowhere left to hide. genre: enemies (kinda) w benefits to lovers; frat/university au; smut, angst?, fluff rating: explicit. minors do not interact with this or any of my work. warnings: frat boys. gendered language and insults. swearing. mentions of drugs & drug use (vernon is literally a drug dealer đ€·đ»ââïž) as well as alcohol. possessive, jealous seungcheol who is extremely down bad and kind of an asshole and would be toxic af irl but is fine in fanfiction probably. this is maybe more "people who used to fuck and started disliking each other along the way bc they can't figure out their feelings" to lovers than enemies. there are very slight, very meaningless mingyu x reader undertones here. jeonghan is a bastard. feelings you think are unrequited but alas! this got softer than i intended oops. smut warnings: seungcheol truly is a man driven to the brink of madness bc of pussy idk what to say. kissing. hair pulling. mentions of masturbation. the dynamics shift in this one a lot, but to be overly cautious i will say dom!cheol and slightly dom!reader undertones that are not implicitly stated or defined. seungcheol uses the term "whore" once, sorry. oral sex (f. receiving). pussy slapping. unprotected sex. if i missed any pls lmk. wordcount: 8k. no i do not know what a drabble is, leave me alone. author's note: title from the song of the same name by waterparks but this was actually brought to you by "i'll never stop" by nsync bc it's their best song and fit the vibes perfectly. anyway, i still do not love writing smut but i am insane over this man so whatever, we persevere. everyone go shower mj in lots of love bc she's the best and deserves it. also everyone say thank u @the-boy-meets-evil for looking over this for me. i did not look at this again after she beta'd it so any mistakes are of my own stupidity. <3
Seungcheol is incensed.
What in the fuck are you thinking, showing up here? Ignoring him, walking by him with nothing more than a brush to the elbow and that sultry, electric gaze? A pair of painted-on jeans and a sheer top?
Who the fuck had invited you?
He looks around the room, gaze heavy under his furrowed brow. Bass thumps in his ears, the music so loud he can feel it in his chest. Still, his feet stay planted on the floor, already sticky with spilled alcohol and god knows what else. He needs to find Vernonâjust needs something to get through this very unexpected (and very unpleasant) surprise, take the edge off.
But he canât see through the sea of people. Theyâre everywhere, occupying every inch of available space in the house, but he just needs a glimpse of that mop of cornflower blue hair. If he could justâ
Instead, he sees a streak of white-blond in his peripheral vision. âSoonyoung!â he calls, grabbing the man by the arm. âHey, have you seen Vernon?â
Soonyoung stares up at him with glassy, bloodshot eyes, his breath already stinking of alcohol as he shrugs and says, âDunno, hyung. Think heâs upstairs.â
Fingers still wrapped around his bicep, Seungcheol heaves a sigh. âGo find Jeonghan. Heâs on babysitting duty and youâre already fucked.â
âIâm fine,â Soonyoung argues, slurred words giving him away immediately.
Seungcheol scoffs. âBro, you can barely stand and you reek of shitty vodka. Go drink some water.â
As he sends Soonyoung away, he can feel eyes boring into him, tension wound tight in the center of his back that refuses to dissipate no matter how many times he rolls his shoulders. He turns slowly, already knowing exactly what heâll find, but knowing does little to stop the hitch of breath as he takes you in.
And he hates it. Fuck, he hates the effect you have on him more than anything.
Hates that heâs still pining after you. Hates that all you have to do is look at him and heâs putty in your hands. Hates that youâre the first person he looks for in a room, the last person on his mind before he falls asleep. Hates you, hates that all of this is unreciprocated, because if Choi Seungcheol is anything, itâs proud. Heâs rich, heâs good-looking, heâs pre-law, and the president of this fraternity, for fuckâs sakeâhe should not be hung up on a girl.
But heâd been doomed from the beginning. Ever since youâd been assigned to him as a challenge to overcome, an impossible task to conquer, heâd been helplessly, pathetically smitten with you.
And fuck if you didnât know it, too.
So, itâs a game now. A lifetimeâs worth of pining for Seungcheol all because his frat was misogynistic and refused to keep up with the times. Theyâd nodded in your direction and laughed at the confusion on his face, the knot between his brows. Seungcheol couldnât figure out why his initiation was to fuck a girl, one his brothers wouldnât even address by name, but when heâd approached you at a party and youâd immediately told him to go fuck himself, heâd figured it out pretty quick.
Call it determination, call it a stubborn streak that refused to quit, but the two of you soon came to a reluctant agreement: you would let Seungcheol lie to his frat, figuring he was attractive enough that people thinking youâd slept together wouldnât be complete social suicide, and heâd owe you a favor youâd keep in your back pocket for as long as it took to cash in.
Which hadnât taken long. The stress of finals that first year had gotten to all of you, and it wasnât long before you were at his door looking for his drug-dealing roommate and a quick fuck.
That was the second time Seungcheol had been doomed to hopeless pining, because once he had you, he knew itâd be impossible to let you go.
Short of outright saying the words, heâd all but told you as much during some alcohol-induced brain shortage junior year. And, in turn, youâd all but laughed in his face.
Right.
Of course.
That was to be expected.
So, youâd continued your⊠well, whatever this is: quick fucks when both of you were bored or lonely or horny, usually under the influence of something illegal; a mutually tense but beneficial relationship for each of you, because you had been Seungcheolâs initiation and the initiation itself awarded him connections and opportunities. You got a back-up plan. A safe body and warm bed to retreat to when the need aroseâone who clearly wanted it to be something more, but was, all things considered, fine with the current arrangement. Didnât pressure you.
But, as was also to be expected, it was never going to be that simple when feelings got involved. When he started feeling slighted. When he wanted you so bad he ached with it sometimes and it was beneath you to care. Which is why he really, really needs to find Vernon. If heâs going to endure an entire party with you, heâs not going to do it sober.
He takes the steps two at a time, feet stumbling onto the landing as soon as he reaches it. Vernonâs door is the third on the left, and he can hear a separate, distinct bass line from the one booming downstairs that hums louder the closer he gets.
And Vernon knows. Of course he does, because heâs yanking his door open before Seungcheol has even raised a hand to knock, the stench of weed seeping out into the hallway, and all he needs is a quick look at Seungcheol before he pulls the door open wider and says, âLadies and gentlemen, the President of the United States of America,â as if heâs speaking into a microphone. When Seungcheol doesnât react, he awkwardly tacks on, âHi, hyung. Iâm assuming sheâs here.â
Seungcheol nods, dumbly, and stands as awkwardly in the center of the room as someone whoâs about to ask their roommate for drugs tends to be. âYeah.â Shoves his hands in the pockets of his overpriced jeans so Vernon canât see the sheen of sweat.
âYou looking for somethinâ specific?â he asks, rifling through the top drawer of a tall dresser. âLike, is this an Iâm about to fuck her the rest of the night visit or an I need something to help me forget she doesnât actually like me visit?â
The words come like a reflex. âFuck you,â he seethes. Vernonâs not wrong, per se, but he didnât have to go and just⊠say it like that.
Vernon just shrugs, one side of his worn-out collar slipping down his shoulder as he does so, and Seungcheol canât tell if heâs actually dressed for the party or not. âGonna guess itâs the second one, then.â
Seungcheol scoffs. âWell, itâs not,â he insists, knowing damn well he should let it go, that heâs just digging himself a bigger hole, but the truth sits in the pit of his stomach like lead.
And, really, he knows he just needs to accept it. That little strand of hope hasnât brought him anything but more painâallowed him to delude himself into thinking it could be something more, something tangibleâand itâs time to let it go.
You donât want more.
You donât want the label and the relationship.
You donât want him.
He knows this, but it still tastes sour in his mouth. Still tastes like the chill of autumn when youâd first showed up at his door all that time ago. Tastes like all the blunts youâve shared and the liquor from all the parties youâd snuck away in the middle of. Tastes like the sharp notes of your perfume, the ones thatâd coat his tongue when heâd kiss down your neckâthe same notes that stain his bedsheets.
Mostly, itâs the pitying look Vernonâs giving him that hurts the most. Heâs above pity. Doesnât need it, especially not from Vernon Chwe, but it hurts all the same to be on the receiving end of it.
âGive me whatever youâve got.â
Vernonâs face quickly morphs into surprised concern. âUh, Iâm not sure thatâs a good idea. I mean, Iâve got some pretty heavy shit here.â
Heat flares in his belly. The pity was bad enoughânow he wants to be patronizing? âThen give me whatever the fuck you think I need,â he snaps. âI donât care. I donât have time for this shit.â
âWell, you definitely need to chill,â Vernon mumbles. âYou want some dabs?â
âNo. SomethingâŠâ The word feels thick in his mouth. Stronger implies that Seungcheol does heavy drugs, and thatâs not true. âElse,â he finally finishes.
Vernon sighs as he continues rifling through the drawer. âYour dad would fucking kill me if I gave you my real heavy shit, soâŠâ He pauses, eyebrows raising in triumph as he finds what he was looking for: a small baggie filled halfway with some nondescript powder. âYou want a bump?â
Maybe he should be ashamed at how quickly he agrees, at the urgency and greed with which he grabs the baggie from Vernonâs fingers, but he just needs something. Needs the distraction, the brain fog. He shoves it in his back pocket next to his wallet. âHow much do I owe you?â
Vernon wrinkles his nose. âNah. Consider that one a freebie. No offense, but youâre a real piece of shit when youâre like this.â
The implication only pisses him off more. Seungcheol is loadedâhe can afford to pay his drug dealer, thank you very muchâbut heâs not like anything. âIâm sorry?â
True to his nature, Vernon barely shrugs. âIâll put it on your tab, hyung,â he says in a way that implies heâs not at all going to do that and is only saying so to get the fraternity president off his back.
Jeonghan (23:12) Better come get your girl. Kim Mingyuâs dick looks like itâs halfway up her ass by now. Jeonghan (23:12) Uh oh! I think I just saw a testicle
Seungcheol stares down at his phone, hands trembling in anger. Of course itâs Mingyu. That pathetic loser has been taking up residence on the subs bench ever since youâd made out with him months ago in an admittedly successful attempt at payback. Seungcheol had hooked up with some downgrade at a party one time and youâd gone and made out with his friend. It was hardly a fair trade.
Seungcheol (23:14) Good for Mingyu, he can deal with her then Seungcheol (23:14) Iâm busy Jeonghan (23:14) Doing what? Jerking off in the upstairs bathroom again? Jeonghan (23:15) Do you know what size condom he wears btw? Looks like I might need to fetch him one if you donât want to take care of another manâs baby Jeonghan (23:16) Although, to be fair, you might want to sit this one out. He has way better bone structure than you. Might be a blessing in disguise Seungcheol (23:16) Fuck you Jeonghan (23:16) Better be nice to me, Choi Seungcheolie~ that might be the only fuck you get tonight
Seungcheol needs better friends. He needs a lot of things, really, but number one on his to-do list is to never let Jeonghan be on babysitting duty ever again. Somehow heâd forgotten how obnoxious Yoon Jeonghan is when he isnât stoned and half-asleep on a couch somewhere.
For now, he just stomps down the hallway; locks himself in his room and doesnât bother to turn on the light. Heâs not going to be here long. Just enough time to do this line, change his t-shirt, and come up with a game plan, because heâs not going to let Mingyu even entertain the thought of being able to have you but he also canât appear desperate. Not just to you, but to everyone else. Choi Seungcheol is not clingy, especially not over a girl.
Especially especially over a girl who doesnât even want him like that.
But the longer he sits in the dark, the more trouble he has finding his resolve. Canât bring himself to dig that baggie out of his pocket. Canât drag his t-shirt over his head. Canât bring himself to think about anything other than Mingyuâs hands all over you, and fuck, does that image drive him insane.
Does he touch you like Seungcheol does?
Does he coax those same jagged whimpers from your mouth like Seungcheol does?
Does his semi-hard cock feel as good pressed against you?
God, heâs so fucked. Utterly and completely fucked. And he wonders if this would be as bad if heâd just kept his mouth shut, took that secret to his grave instead of fooling himself into thinking it could be more. If it wouldnât have devolved into⊠this. Youâd always told him not to get attached, that sex was just sex and there was no need to ruin a good thing. But Seungcheol is a selfish man, always has been, and what if? is a dangerous question.
Jeonghan (23:36) Wow, youâre a fucking pussy. Stop hiding in your room like a little bitch. Seungcheol (23:36) Fuck off
He canât go down there. Not because heâs a coward, but because heâs barely tethered to his sanity as it is. Something about you brings him out of his mind, makes him toss whatever good judgment he has left to the wind. Seungcheol is far too impulsive when it comes to you, reckless in ways that have all twenty years of his social training weeping in a corner; have alarm bells ringing in his brain. So, no, he canât go downstairs right now because he knows heâll do something stupid. Stick not only his foot but his entire lower body in it. He shouldâve listened, yet here he is, dick pulled halfway out of his jeans because the thought of you alone gets him hard but his pride wonât let him jerk off to the image of anyone touching you thatâs not him.
Forget whatever Jeonghan had called him. Heâs a fucking fool. A moonstruck, delusional fool whoâd tricked himself into thinking he could swim when he can barely tread water.
You (23:41) Something wrong?
Oh, here we fucking go, he thinks. Because this is Seungcheolâs gameâone heâd perfected years ago, the one where heâs coy and chilly, never too eager, never committed. Just a little bit of a tease. Barely enough to keep them on the hook, a little needy; still enough to keep them coming back. But youâd taken one look at him all those years ago and had him pegged immediately. Figured out his game and learned the rules, used them against him. Now you watch him flounder with a smile on your face.
Seungcheol (23:42) Never knew you were so needy baby. First you show up uninvited and now youre missing me?
But just because thereâs now a player two doesnât mean heâs doomed to lose. He knows how you look when youâre on your knees for him. Knows how you sound when youâre begging to cum and stuttering out his name like youâre singing hymns. Knows how you look with your eyes rolled back after heâs fucked you dumb. Kim Mingyu doesnât know shit.
Seungcheol knows heâs the only one fortunate enough to experience you like this.
And god does it kill him.
You (23:44) Donât act stupid
A pleased exhale of laughter, an equally-smug smirk. Yeah, this is still Seungcheolâs game, the crown still sitting atop his head. You can let Mingyu grind his dick against you all you want, but Seungcheol is still the one youâre seeking out, pouting at the fact he hasnât come to find you yet.
You (23:44) Mingyu invited me
Oh, youâre goodâknow just which buttons to press and how much pressure to use. Whatever smug expression Seungcheol had been wearing slides off his face immediately, tongue pressing into his cheek.
Seungcheol (23:46) And yet youre looking for me? You (23:47) Donât have to look for you to know youâre upstairs sulking in your room because Jeonghan tattled on me like a fucking five year old Seungcheol (23:49) Maybe you should come up here then Seungcheol (23:49) Away from prying eyes
You donât reply immediately. Itâs just long enough for Seungcheolâs brain to conjure up something indecentâthe way youâll straddle him, the way his cock will feel pressed against the apex of your thighs; the goosebumps thatâll raise on his arms when you work your tongue along his neck, that spot near his collarbone you know he likes. His cock throbs against the confines of his jeans when he thinks about the devastated look on Mingyuâs face when you make up some excuse to get away from him, to traipse up the stairs and fall into Seungcheolâs bed, when he realizes heâs not going to have you.
You (23:56) Itâd be pretty rude to leave my date, donât you think? You (23:57) If you want me so bad, come down here and get me yourself
Seungcheol doesnât play games; doesnât compete because he has no competition. Heâs always been given whatever he wants on a silver platter, no questions asked, so heâs wholly unprepared for this turn of events. What he knows he should do (respond to your text and tell you to fuck off, that you know where he is should you stop being a brat and change your mind) is not what he does (tucks his dick back in his jeans, finally throws on a clean t-shirt, and takes his time descending the stairs so he doesnât look too eager), because logical thought gets tossed out the window entirely wherever youâre concerned.
âAh, if it isnât our resident pissbaby making his grand re-entrance.â
Seungcheol clenches his jaw for the nth time and glares. âFuck off, Jeonghan.â
The man in question laughsâthe annoying raspy one that grates on Seungcheolâs nervesâand hands over a cup of something brown and pungent. âWell, judging from your attitude, and the fact youâre barely hiding that boner youâve got, you clearly didnât spend your time away jerking off. What finally got you down here, the promise of cheap whiskey I nicked off some freshman or the fact that your girlfriendâs about two seconds from getting a public indecency charge courtesy of Kim Mingyu?â
Well. Jeonghan may be an asshole but heâs not wrong. Even through the crowd of people and the haze of whateverâs in his cup and a contact high, Seungcheol spots you immediately. Your back is pressed against Mingyuâs chest, his fingers gripping tight at your waist as you roll your hips in time with his. Whatever manufactured filth heâs whispering to you draws a smile, causes you to reach up and tug sharply at his hair. Fuck, Seungcheol can almost hear Mingyuâs moan from across the room, and his blood quickly heats to a rapid boil.
Another chuckle from the demon beside him. âStop fucking laughing,â Seungcheol snaps, still unable to take his eyes off of you. âFuck this. Iâm going back upstairs. Make sure everyoneâs out of here by three. Iâm not paying for another noise citation.â
Jeonghan rolls his eyes. âIâm absolutely not going to do that.â He shoves a bottle of something in Seungcheolâs hand. âTake this and think of me when youâre crying yourself to sleep because Mingyu stole guaranteed pussy right out of your hands.â
âWhy do you do this?â Seungcheol asks, shoving at Jeonghanâs shoulder roughly. âYou never know when to fucking quit.â
Another streak of white-blond. âHey, no fighting!â Soonyoung slurs, trying his best to push Seungcheol to the other side of the kitchen with his useless, limp arms.
This attracts the attention of Joshua, who struts into the room looking straight out of Fashion Week, much like he always does. He hasnât even broken a sweat. âAw, are Mom and Dad fighting again?â he asks, his lips tugged into a smirk. He ignores Seungcheolâs scowl as he fixes himself a drink. âYou know Mingyu only does it to get a reaction out of you,â Joshua adds, quieter this time, as if heâs telling Seungcheol a secret only meant for the two of them to share.
âWhatâs her excuse, then?â Seungcheol fires back, because even if he doesnât like it, Joshuaâs right. This is exactly the kind of behavior heâd expect from resident campus whore Kim Mingyu, but he never expected you to go along with it.
Joshua cocks an eyebrow. âShe doesnât need an excuse, Cheol. Sheâs not your girl.â
Even though itâs a truth he already knows, it somehow hurts worse being spoken in plaintext, a hushed conversation in a crowded kitchen. Being let down gently. Seungcheol knows he needs to make a decision. He needs to let you go and start moving on with his life; canât be having these quasi-meltdowns during frat parties anymore. Canât be possessive and spiteful. You donât want him. Everyone knows you donât want him, so thatâs all there is to it. Maybe youâll want Mingyu and he can finally wash his hands of this forever, scrape the jealousy off his tongue.
He steels himself. Rolls his shoulders back, cracks his neck. Navigates the crowd in the living room until he reaches you and your so-called date. Grabs you by the elbowâgentle enough that it doesnât hurt but firm enough to send a messageâand says the two of you need to talk. Upstairs. Now. Mingyu just smiles like he knew this was coming and presses a pointless, wasted kiss just below your ear. Seungcheol tells him to fuck off, too, and Mingyu grins wider, tongue darting out to wet his lips.
As he guides you to his room, he doesnât think about the way your hand fits in his. Doesnât think about how this is going to be the last time he has you. Doesnât think about whoâll have you after. Doesnât bother to wonder if youâve finally changed your mind like he had all those other times heâd walked this same familiar path with you in tow. Because itâs the last time. Whatever happens once itâs over is out of his control.
Perhaps thatâs what itâd always been about. Seungcheol has always been spoiled and selfish and so terribly, terribly desperate to prove heâs more than his family name and family money. So, yeah, heâd wanted the control; wanted what was never his for the taking. Youâd always been the oppositeâhis perfect little counterpart. Always so pliant and careless and free: everything Seungcheol tried so hard to be but couldnât, and thatâs where the switch flipped.
Someone like you isnât meant to be controlled.
What he used to want so badly now tastes rancid in his mouth.
The door locks behind you. Seungcheol doesnât meet your eye as he says, âYou got what you wanted. Are you done being a fucking brat?â Itâs not a tone he usually takes. Usually heâs dirty, a little possessive, willing to let you set the pace. He doesnât miss the way your breath hitches. âI asked you a question.â
âSeungcheolââ
He clicks his tongue, stalks closer until youâre nearly in his grasp. Your eyes close instinctively as if youâre expecting his mouth on yours. Instead, he threads his long fingers in your hair and pulls. âWhatâs so hard about answering a simple yes or no question? Did you really want Mingyuâs dick so bad youâve gone dumb all of a sudden?â
You gasp. âNo.â
âNo what?â Seungcheol chides. âNo, youâre not done being a brat? Or no, you werenât just downstairs acting desperate and pathetic for mediocre cock?â He runs his thumb across the seam of your lips, follows their movements as you speak.
âI wasnâtââ
A low, mocking chuckle. âYou were, baby.â Sounds condescending; speaks to you like youâre a stupid child. Heâs so close to you now. Can smell the tang of your skin, the sticky notes of your perfume. Feels your breath fan against his own sweat-slick skin. Still avoids your gaze, because as domineering as he appears, he knows he can unravel just as quickly. âTake your clothes off. This is the last time Iâm gonna fuck you and Iâm not going to ask twice.â
Now you truly look caught off-guard. âWhat?â Still he ignores you, expensive silver rings clinking into a dish on his dresser one by one, expensive watch following. âWhat do you mean the last time?â
Deft fingers play at the buttons on his shirt. Not silk, but just as expensive. âShit. Youâre really testing my patience, you know.â Youâre still standing at the edge of his bed, staring dumbly as if heâs just going to start spilling all his secrets, give you some kind of explanation. âI believe I told you to strip.â
Unlike Seungcheol, your fingers tremble as they work at buttons and zippers and hemlines, push down denim and remove heels. Itâs clear youâre trying to work out what heâs playing atâif this is some punishment for fucking around with Mingyu or if he really means itâbut youâre not going to risk asking. Things between the two of you are already tense as it is. Seungcheol has never been wound this tight, never been so ready to snap.
âThatâs it,â he praises once youâre left in nothing but a skimpy underwear set you know he likes. âLook at you. Fucking gorgeous. I bet thatâs why you think you can get away with embarrassing me, huh?â He grabs your chin, forces you to meet his gaze for the first time since heâd dragged you up here. âGet on your knees. Iâm getting tired of repeating myself.â
Itâs not an unfamiliar sightâas it is, you usually leave Seungcheolâs room with bruised knees on a good nightâbut it settles differently in his gut this time. Because heâd dared a glance at you once and knows he canât do it again, so he watches the top of your head as you fumble with his belt buckle and looks away whenever he thinks you might risk a glance upwards. Finds some point on the wall to focus on. Hisses through his teeth when you pull his cock from his briefs, your hands cold against his flushed skin.
All he wants to do is kiss you. Draw this out. Give you a memorable last time, maybe mark you up a little. He really wants to savor the feeling of your tongue on his cock, but all he can focus on is the fact that heâll never be enveloped in that wet heat again. Heâs never going to feel your mouth working him over, feel you humming around his length because he knows you love the weight of it, you love wrenching away that little bit of control, turning him into a mess.
But heâs not going to dwell. Heâs going to thumb at the hinge of your jaw, force it open just wide enough for his cock to fit inside. Then heâs going to fist your hair into a makeshift ponytail, grip it tight, use it to guide your mouth until thereâs only an inch of space between you. Heâs going to stare down at you, silently revel in how fucked out you look already even though he hasnât touched you. Heâs going to watch the way your fingers dig into your thighs because they canât touch him. Then heâs going to sayâ
âBeg me. Beg me to let you suck my cock.â
Thereâs a flicker of hesitation. Seungcheol doesnât talk to you like this. This is not the kind of dynamic the two of you have, and Seungcheol finds himself wondering if things would be different if it was. If heâd never started going so easy on you. Would you want him then? Or would you have left a long time ago?
Heâs half-expecting you to do that now. You look ready to bolt, to pull your clothes back on and tell him to go fuck himself on the way out. Probably go straight back to Mingyu, let him fuck you hard but routine, the way Seungcheol usually does, the way he knows you like. He expects you to leave, and this is the last time, anyway, so he figures he has nothing left to lose.
âIâm going soft,â he snaps, the admonishment harsh on his tongue. When you look up at him, his jaw is clenched, eyes narrow. âYou have one fucking job and you canât even do that properly? Whoâs going to want a dumb little whore that canât follow simple instructions?â
He watches your eyes squeeze shut involuntarily. Wonders if heâs gone too far before deciding he doesnât care if he has. Itâs the last time, anyway, so itâs not like it matters. Watches the indents in your thighs grow deeper. Watches you inhale and try to steady your breathing.
Watches your eyes snap open, any trace of hesitation long gone. âDid you make that other girl beg for you?â
Seungcheol snorts, amusement showing all over his face. âIs that what this is about? Youâre still mad I hooked up with some other girl so you act like this?â He clicks his tongue at you, fists his cock, slicking it up. âAre you jealous?â
âNo,â you answer simply, âIâm just trying to figure out why you think you can speak to me however the fuck you want.â
Seungcheolâs hand stutters along his length before it stills, your words sharp and immediate against his skin. He shouldâve known. Shouldnât have thought something like this would work on you, that youâd like it, and heâs halfway to soft and throwing his hands up and tucking his dick back into his briefs when you say, âAnswer the question.â
âWhat?â
You tsk. Move your hands from your thighs to his, nails pressing just deep enough to leave crescent moons behind that match your own. Something for someone else to see. âDid you make her beg for you?â
Seungcheolâs brain power decreases the higher your palms go, when your thumbs press into the dimples of his hips. Can barely choke out a hissed yes, yeah, fu-fuck when your hand covers his, fingers wrapping tightly around his own as you guide it back and forth, up and down the length of his cock. âWhat did you make her beg for, Cheol?â
âToâto to-touch me.â
You hum. Tighten your grip on Seungcheolâs hand and laugh as his hips roll involuntarily, seeking the friction. âTouch you how? Like this?â
âYeahâfuck, yes, like this.â
âDid she? Did she listen to you like a good girl?â Your hand leaves Seungcheolâs only to collect the precum at his tip. âDonât get all shy now, Cheolie.â You suck your thumb into your mouth and he whines. âWas she a good girl for you?â
You sit back on your haunches. Watch him jerk himself off. âYeah,â he finally says, word cracking in the middle. âBoring, though. Not likeânot like you.â
âNo one is like me,â you admonish. âI couldâve told you that for free, before you went off and fucked someone else.â
âNot an idiot,â Seungcheol replies, the pace of his hand quickening. Heâs playing a dangerous game; approaching the cliff edge at a dangerous pace. âNo-nothing comes for free with you.â
All you do is smile, lopsided and smug. âMm, thatâs true. Guess your little dom moment earlier can just be chalked up to momentary stupidity, hm?â Seungcheol wants to nod, wants apologies to tumble from his lips until you shut him up, but his palm is so slick against his dick, fist tight enough to white out his vision. âDid you make her beg to suck your cock?â
Truth be told, Seungcheol canât remember much of anything right now. Heâs perilously close to coming, right at that precipice, and each filthy word that slips from your mouth just pushes him further to the edge. He remembers Chan inviting him to a party. He remembers a few drinks, a few hits from a blunt, compliments of Vernon; he remembers a girl making eyes at him from across the roomâeyes that had looked a lot like yours in the haze of his crossfade. He remembers a locked bathroom and the sound of his voice as he told that girl how to touch him so it felt like you. He remembers her doing whatever he told her to, remembers how eager and submissive she was, how she didnât mouth off to him the way you always doâ
Remembers how unsatisfying itâd been when he came.
Youâve ruined him.
Not a revelation. Not even close to one. Seungcheol has known this for a long time, but that doesnât mean annoyance doesnât flare in his belly at the reminder. You donât want him. Being so hung up on you isnât doing him any favors, just means heâll have a longer drop when this is all over. God, what the fuck is he doing?
He wants you so badly heâs aflame with it. He wants you so badly he can barely look at you anymore. He wants you so badly it consumes him, drives him insane, has him all fucked up and seething. He wants you, he wants you, heâ
Loves.
Reality washes over him like a cold wave. Knocks him backwards, drowning, desperately trying to remember how to breathe. In, out; in, outâand none of it changes a goddamn thing.
Four years of this. Four years of touches exchanged in the dark, behind locked doors. Four years of yearning and trying and failing. Four years of everything getting lost in translation, because itâs hitting him now, but shouldnât he have felt it before? Shouldnât all those âdrive me fuckinâ crazy, canât fucking stand youâs he spoke into the crook of your neck rang hollow?
âCheolââ you say, because you asked him something, tried to play along with this whole stupid charade, and he knows heâs frozen, just standing there, hand still wrapped around his cock, and he needs to say something, he needs to fix thisâ
âIâm a liar,â is what he comes up with. Youâre still staring up at him, brows furrowed, pinched in the middle. Move, he wills himself, but nothing happens. âIâm a liar,â he says again, because if he says it enough youâll believe it. âIâm sorry. Iâmââ
âWhat are you talking about?â
He swallows. Iâm in love with you, he wants to say. Feels the weight of the words on his tongue, heavy and pressing, and he thinks you should know. Even if you donât feel the same, he thinks you deserve to know, but the way youâre looking at himâ
He canât bring himself to say it.
But he canââCan I show you instead?â
Slowly, you nod. Seungcheol nods, too, still feeling off-kilter as he cradles your face in his hands, thumbs in the contours of your cheeks. Moves them down your neck, your shoulders, down the length of your arms. You meet him halfway, twining your fingers together, and he helps you stand, careful and considerate. At full height, he places a hand in the small of your back to tug you closer, kisses you like itâs the end of the world. Whines into your mouth at your familiar taste, and if he lets himself be delusional enough, he can pretend thereâs form and substance to those sounds, that their edges are squared-off to form the words he wants to say.
Because it really might be the end of the world. Seungcheol has never known how to play the cards heâs been dealt when it comes to you. Always gets it wrong. Feints one way when heâs meant to go the other, takes the field with two left feet, always playing catch-up. Maybe the mistake was treating it like a game. Maybe the mistake was strategizing, only playing to win, because he lays you gently on his bed, fits his body in the space you create for him between your legs, and realizes he already won a long time ago.
He won the first time your eyes met. He won the first time heâd kissed you, more nerves and teeth than anything else. He won the first time you tucked yourself against his side and stared at his bedroom ceiling, half-smoked joint between your fingers, and made fun of the stupid flag heâd hung up. He won every time you took all the bullshit he threw at you and dished it right back. He won every time he had the privilege of tracing mindless shapes into your soft skin.
Every second of your time you chose to give himâall victories.
He presses in further. Groans when your hands move to his shoulders and grip tight; when your nails dig into the skin of his back. âIâve been so stupid,â he says, punctuating his words with a nip at your ear. Smirks out of the corner of his mouth at your shuddering breath. âHavenât I?â
âYeah,â you answer, rolling your hips upward. He grabs at you desperately, tries to keep you still; hisses when you swat his hands away and redouble your efforts. âYouâve been a fucking asshole for aâfor a while.â
You canât see the way he pouts. Wonders, too, if that would work on you, if itâd earn him one of those rare moments of tenderness. âWell Iâm trying toâshit, babyâtrying to make it up to you, but you seem pretty determined to make me bust right now.â
He can see the way you roll your eyes. See the way the corners crinkle after as you laugh softly, breathlessly, still trying to chase a high Seungcheol refuses to provide. âYou deserve it. You tried to dom me, you dickhead.â
Embarrassment sits obvious on his ruddy cheeks. He hides his face in the crook of your neck so you donât see it, donât have something to poke at him with later, but youâre having none of it. You thread your fingers through his hair and tug gently, forceful enough to have him pliable, and there it is: there are stars in your eyes as you stare up at him, tender and soft just like he hoped youâd look, and he misses the feeling of your nails on your scalp until youâre tugging at the delicate chain around his neck and pulling him closer. âJust kiss me and weâll call it even.â
This is how it feels to get struck by lightning, he thinks. Every part of him is on fire, and heâs content to burn as his lips find yours. He sighs happily into your mouth, hikes your thigh higher around his middle, presses in to lay claim to what little space is left between you. Seungcheol is so close he can feel the rapid pace of your heartbeat, because this is not the way you usually kiss. What used to be dirty and quick, a means to an end, now has intent, purpose. Heâs kissing you like he wants to steal the air from your lungs to replace it with something better.
Trails those same kisses down the length of your body. Open-mouthed at your neck, your collarbones, the space between your breasts. Teasing and slow in the space between each rib, just to watch the way your skin pebbles. Hungry and insistent at the sensitive skin of your inner thighs, because if heâs feeling this unhinged, he wants you right there with him. Canât bear the thought of still being in this alone. Not anymore.
âLegs over my shoulders.â You listen immediately, and Seungcheol mutters a quiet fuck at the sight before him. âGod, youâre so wet.â
âNo shitââ
He swats at your clit, delighting in the way your body jolts. âHush. The only thing I wanna hear out of your smart mouth from now on is my fucking name.â And then heâs diving in.
He eats you out like a man starved; like he could do this every day for the rest of his life and he still wouldnât be satisfied. Canât help but rut against the mattress at the way you taste, the way your thighs tighten around his head, the sting as you pull at his hair. Places both hands beneath your ass to lift and drag you closer to his waiting mouthâlicks at you wet and feverish, all of this seemingly more for him than it is for you, and youâll get tired of it soon, just like you always do. Youâll tell himâ
âDo it right, Cheol, pleaseââ
And heâll pull away and tsk, swat at you again. His responding laugh will be cocky and derisive when your body trembles again, frantic with the need for more. âWhat did I say, baby? Do you not trust me to make you come?â You cock an eyebrow, torn between throwing some sarcastic remark at him and following the rules long enough to get what you want. His voice grows serious as he presses a soft kiss to your core. âI will always take care of you.â
The rest is muscle memory.
The rest has a chorus of Cheol, Cheol, Seungcheol spilling from your lips as he suctions his own around your clit. The rest has you grinding your pussy against his face. The rest has him groaning at the way heâs so wholly consumed by you: the taste of you on his tongue, face soaked, two fingers pressed deep into your cunt. The rest has him saying thatâs it, baby, come on my face, I know you can and feeling delirious when he finally pushes you over the edge; when your walls clench around his fingers, breathing fractured, when you grab at him until youâre eye-level and youâre licking into his mouth to taste yourself.
Tastes a lot like I love you.
âWant you to ride me,â he says, gaze half-lidded and pleading. You whine as he moves his thumb back to your clit, tracing slow, slow, slow circles, oversensitive. âWill you do that for me?â
The party seems so far away. Grows even further away when you nod and straddle his lap. Seungcheol sits up, tells you to wrap your legs around him. Canât stand not touching you; needs every inch of his skin to be covered by you like a bruiseâsomething deep thatâll last for days, weeks, months. The mottled colors will change, but itâll still be there.
âNeed you, Cheol,â you whisper, kissing his eyelids. He hadnât realized heâd closed his eyes.
âYou have me,â he answers, but it sounds foreign to his earsâsounds wretched, like the words have been punched out of him. It sounds like forfeit. âAlways have.â
You pull back. Study his face. Run over his plush bottom lip with your thumb. It feels like an eternity of silence before you speak. âNo, I havenât,â you insist, tone insistent but delicate, like youâre trying to convince him of it, too. âNot like this.â
I love you.
You lift your hips just enough to sink down on his cock. Seungcheolâs moan is loud and unabashed, not afraid to let anyone hear the way you make him feel. All he can think is familiar: he knows your blinding white heat; has made countless homes in your tight grip he still holds the keys to; has done this so many goddamn times itâs second nature.
He was an absolute fool to think he could ever walk away.
You roll your hips, taking him deeper like youâve got something to prove, body moving on its own sinuous accord. Seungcheol loves you like this, when you know exactly what you want and arenât afraid to take it. When you press sloppy kisses to his neck, the column of his throat. When he grabs at your hips, tries to move you faster along the length of his cock, and you swat his hands away. When your rhythmic up-and-down turns into a slow grind that has you gasping and breathless, pussy spasming around him.
âGoddamn, I love this pussy,â he chokes out, fingers gripping tightly at the sheets since he canât touch you. Heâs mindless with pleasure, feels himself start babbling nonsense he canât make sense of, and itâs overwhelming, having you like this. Isnât sure how heâs survived this long, but maybe you were right.
Maybe it was never like this before.
Usually heâd take you from behind, quick and dirty, hands digging into the meat of your ass, palm cracking down on it every now and then, imparting white heat of his own. Usually heâd have you beneath him, knees pressed to your chest, all condescension as you told him, eyes rolled back, that he was too deep, that you couldnât take it, and heâd rub at your clit and tell you you could as he dragged another orgasm out of you. Usually heâd be so frenzied and worked up heâd take you against the door, sweats pushed to mid-thigh, forearms straining as they held you up.
So, yeahâthis is different. This is a patient, sensual dance to the finish line. This is Seungcheol in his rawest form: a live wire, vulnerable, anxious. This is the unknown, because something has to come after but he doesnât know what it is.
This is Seungcheol throwing caution to the wind, leaning in close enough to taste the salt on your skin, and saying, âI love you.â
This is Seungcheol planting his feet and fucking up into you, unwilling to hear your response. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, but sometimes bliss is just bliss, and heâll willingly take either.
This is you coming undone on his cock, breathing rapid and ragged, pupils blown wide as you stare at him in awe.
âSay it again.â
Someone slams into the wall just outside Seungcheolâs door, and all at once the real world creeps back in: the thrumming bass line of the music downstairs; laughter, shouting, and yelling; fists banging on shut doorsâbut he hears you loud and clear. Presses each word into your mouth this time and groans when you swallow them. Barely makes a sound as he spills inside of you, feeling like every nerve in his body is aflame.
The two of you are quiet for a time as you try to catch your breath. Seungcheol only moves to grab his duvet and wrap it around your shoulders, smiling fondly at the small thank you you mumble, seemingly still bogged down, well-fucked.
He presses a tender kiss to the corner of your mouth.
âOkay?â
You nod, push at him until he lays back and pulls you with him, lets you use his firm chest as a pillow. That flag youâd made fun of before isnât up there anymore, but Seungcheol feels warm at the memory anyway, almost laughs at the comment he imagines youâd make.
Clears his throat. Tries to find his courage. âI really am sorry,â he tells you again, because it doesnât matter if he loves you if he doesnât know how to be good at it.
âI know, Cheol,â comes your easy reply. Youâre tracing shapes on his stomach that have his muscles contracting. âI know you love me, too.â You sigh, press your lips to his rib cage. âWho knew itâd only take making out with Mingyu to get you to admit it.â
A wild laugh tumbles out of him. âFuck off.â He can feel your grin.
âYou got a fucked up way of showing it, though.â
He hums, holds onto you a little tighter. âGo easy on me, I only figured it out about an hour ago.â
âAn hour?â you faux-gasp, make like youâre about to leave. âIâm outta here. I know my worth. If Iâm going to say it back to someone, they need to be in love with me for at least two.â
He chokes at the implication, heart threatening to beat right out of his chest and into yours. He knows he looks exactly like the moonstruck, loved-up loser he is, and he coughs to cover it. âThatâs what I said,â he lies. âTwo hours. You mustâve heard it wrong.â
No, it was never like this.
#seungcheol x reader#seungcheol smut#scoups x reader#scoups smut#seungcheol imagines#seventeen x reader#seventeen smut#seventeen fanfic#seungcheol fanfic#scoups fanfic#jewel writes#fic: wntt
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â fair?! how is any of this fair?! â
â it isn't. â she is too young still to have braved so much, and apart of rhea shall always mourn that, though she knows, admittedly, that there were very little in terms of what could have been done. rhea had no power, after all : her lordship only extends to selected areas of the vale, but not anywhere beyond. not anywhere that she could've helped this girl's mother, damn the association she might've had with her lord husband. no. rhea's strength and duty are only here, and it isn't right, and it isn't fair, but it is what it is. there is no more past for any of them to return to, to fix, to save : only the difficult path ahead.
â â but we make do, little one. where water travels, the earth parts to give them rivers. where humans step, our grass clear to give them ways. where the terrains are hard, we bend this body to climb, to reach, to make paths where no one had dared. i know you do not have the vale's blood in you, but you are under one of its lady's protection, and i will do all i could to guide you, teach you, if you would have me. whatever that is not fair, that is against us, we must learn our way around it. we survive, â rhea announces, her voice unwavering; her stare, a mountain unshaken. â we prevail. am i clear ? â
@dracharenae / emotionally intense prompts.
#dracharenae#as usual i have.. a lot of thoughts.#AND ID LOVE TO???? shake my brain sometimes with u đđ€Č#BRONZE BITCH: ANSWERED.
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HQ BOYS AS YOUR S/OâWHAT I IMAGINE THEIR INSTAGRAM WOULD BE LIKE
synopsis. hq! boys using instagram but they're down bad for you
ft. hinata shoyo, tsukishima kei, suna rintarou, kenma kozume
others. character! is aged up, hq timeskip! era
notes. idk i feel like this could be better but I'm too lazy to be bothered. this is just a silly little thought while i was drinking tea đ
[ masterlist ]
HINATA SHOYO would post you a lot. He definitely has you on his profile picture; either it's your solo picture or a picture of you and him. His posts would only consist of four things: you, volleyball, his friend's, and himself (occasionally)âbut there's more pictures of you in it than the three mentioned. His fans teases him and says that his account basically turned into a fan page of you. His bio would be in between something so sweet or so cheesy. He'll probably have a corny quote.
âRomance is icing, but the love is the cakeâ@your_usernameâ
âmy love: @your_usernameâ
âMy sunshine forever & always @your_usernameâ
TSUKISHIMA KEI rarely posts you. It's not that he doesn't want to, it's just that. . . He likes having his privacy with you. but when he does post you, his fans go berserk. It's a rare opportunity for him to post you (I strongly believe he'd post you in special occasions; like anniversaries, special holidays (if you celebrate), or winning his games), so of course, everyone will have a field day about it. And when he posts you it's not just a simple picture, he'd have a full on note for you.
âThank you @your_username for everything you do for meâfor all the support you give me whether it may be coming to my games, cooking me good food, saying the exact words I need to hear, or even simply just your presence by my side. Thank you for being with me through everything. This 3rd year anniversary won't definitely be the last anniversary we'll celebrateâso here's to more love that I'll give you, pipsqueak. I love you always.â
SUNA RINTAROU post you way too much. He'd have at least five highlights about you; one for his favorite pictures of you, one for him and you, one for your unflattering pictures, one for very special occasions that he's with you, and one for videos he took of you. And he doesn't just post you on his stories, he also has tons of pictures of you on his main post. If hinata has three things he post, well, suna only has you on his instagram. People often mistake his account for your account because of how much pictures you have in it.
âCafĂ© hopping with @your_usernameâ
âShe said that I should post this picture of her @your_usernameâ
âIdk who this person is, do you? @your_username?â (*but his post is literally you)
KENMA KOZUME posts (sometimes) whenever he feels like it. he just generally doesn't post a lot. But he posts about you on random occasions. mostly post dumps about you, like what he did in a month with you. Or simply just random pictures of you (some unflattering and some aesthetically pleasing). And he posts with no caption, just you and your @. his fans are basically dehydrated from pictures of the two of you, so they also have a field day whenever he post about you. I'm pretty sure it'd even go trending on twt (x) at least once or twice.
âđ€ @your_usernameâ
âout & about w/ @your_usernameâ
âily @your_usernameâ
© httpsleely | reposting, modificating, stealing, plagiarizing, and translating my works on any platform are strictly prohibited.
#â§.*· hqÂĄ#haikyuu#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu fanfiction#hinata shoyo#hinata shoyo x reader#tsukishima kei#tsukishima kei x reader#suna rintarou#suna rintaro x reader#kozume kenma#kenma kozume#kenma kozume x reader
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