#his perfectionism in particular is Very Relatable

[5ummit]

– Glen Powell on working with Tom Cruise, Cigar & Spirits Interview

[yellowcry]

All of you song analysis

I said I was doing this, right?

First. I often heard people saying that Mirabel encouraging everyone to start rebuilding is a symbol of her having leader skills. Which I think isn't accurate. One of the things people ignore is context. Mirabel talked with her sisters and Abuela. It gave her more understanding of their struggles. Of why they all were victims in different way. That it was way more complex than just "Abuela is bad, we are suffering" To say Mirabel did encourage them, you have to ask a question. Wouldn't anybody else do the same in Mirabel's place? I think they would. In a different way sure, but person who had context would still be more open in trying to help. You need to asknowledge how the amount of information and points of viem gave Mirabel wider amount of the family situation.

Then comes another fact. Mirabel didn't start rebuilding either. Her entire talk was about her family specifically. Saying that everything will be fine and they will get through it. Mirabel's first verse is about the family solely, it doesn't touch anything related to rebuilding. She says look at this home, not at the house. And while they can be used as synonyms, Mirabel is clearly referring to her family. And how the toxic foundation of perfectionism and expectations was discovered and ruined. Not only that, but Mirabel actually STOPS Luisa from working. Not in a sense of "You shouldn't work" but in "You don't have to do this". Showing that they don't have to relate on family roles. As Luisa moving things was definitely caused by her gift and role that came with it. "You more than just your gift" is referring to everyone. But it was said to Luisa specifically, as a way to say that she doesn't have to be the strong one anymore.

There is no chance a teenager would be in charge of rebuilding. We're talking about a giant house. You need at least some form of qualification/a lot of knowledge that Mirabel clearly doesn't have. We know in fact that there's at least two Madrigals who has an expirience in building. Alma who helps with building a house in the beginning and observes how it's being made. And Luisa, while not mentioning anything before AOY in the movie, is being asked to repave the plaza in TOTS book. Which caused "AGAIN?" reaction, while it's not a house building, it's as close as we can get. And it is very likely she had at least some experience with building things too. Taking her gift Luisa had a good chance to build things earlier. And it's not even mentioning how she was the one to move debris first. Oh, and then we have Bruno who was patching the cracks.

Okay, I'm over with my "Mirabel didn't start rebuilding" agenda. Probably.

The songs starts with Mira assuring her family that everything is fine and they'll get thought it, no matter how bad it looks. "It may seem hopeless, but we'll get it by just fine." Not being loud and pushy, but way sublte and understanding. She doesn't say everything is fine right now, but that they'll get better together. She also asknowledge how her family isn't set in stone. Saying that constellation shifts she days that her family is changing too. In reaction to what happens around them.

Abuela also doesn't mention rebuilding. Instead, she prioritizes what she should had all along. Her family. "I'm sorry I hold on too tight" can mean many things. From Alma being controlling towards her family. But it also can hugely relate to how Alma held onto the miracle, magic and roles that came with it. Forcing her family to fall into a dysfunction. Confirming her fear of losing anyone ever again how she did with Pedro to the rest of her family. She is also the first to say that her family is special to nobody in particular unlike Mirabel. Confirming that they are miracle and not some magic. And also introducing Bruno(who was previously roasted for his gift) to the rest of the family.

Also an interesting fact that Bruno had probably heard his song. As his first action is to apologize to Pepa for something that happened years prior his departure. For one specific incident that was mentioned just recently. Which makes me wonder if he would've apologize to Isabela and Dolores too if he wasn't interrupted. Also showing that Bruno can take the blame and apologize when he had upset someone. And, he's also shown to work with the townspeople that blamed him during WDTAB. Which means he's either cleared things up with them like with Pepa or they weren't that pissed off all along. (Probably both)

The townspeople are being the ones who had actually start rebuilding. While not saying anything about it, the tools and their amount makes it clear. Firstly, it shows how grateful they are for all the service that was done to them in years ("We'll do anything for you!") And also being the second mention of actually working on Casita after Luisa. And also showing the family that they aren't alone in their trouble. Which is a good continue of Mirabel assuring that they'll get through it and Alma saying that they are all important even without their gifts.

The moment between three sisters shows that Isabela is the most talkative and outgoing out of three now that she doesn't hide who she really is. Being the first to start their united chorus and talk the most during it. "It's a dream when we work as a team" is a good showing that neither of them weren't close before. Being close was something they all could only dream of prior the thing. "Yeah, but sometimes I cry." can tell us that Luisa wasn't open with her emotions prior the movie and didn't collapse in tears before. As there would be no need to say that otherwise. "I might be not as strong but I'm getting wiser" tells how the family is growing up, realizing why the thing were bad before and how they need to change themselves and everyone. Isabela, again, reminds that she (and therefore the rest of the family) can do amazing things even without a gift. What interesting is that Mirabel doesn't have her personal lyrics but only sings with Isabela and the three older girls during the chorus. Showing how she's a huge listener and a support for them.

The verse with Julieta and Mirabel is very interesting. First, it shows how similar they are. Julieta was the one to heal physical injuries and Mirabel's actions were a start for the family's mental healing. "Starts don't shine, they burn" is being repeated. Which possibly tells us Julieta had learn about everyone's problems too. (Remember how I said about context that only Mirabel had?) And now knows how everyone was struggling too. "The constellation glows" says that the family is still wonderful, gifts or no gifts. Which took them some time to figure out, ("The season change in turn")

Doloriano verse shows how talkative and social Dolores can actually be if she's comfortable. Just look at her! The girl is so excited she can't shut for a second. But also patient and not as swift as Isabela (Who had embraced her new powers in WECID very fast). And we also see that Isabela and Dolores have a good relationship again! As Isabela is the one supporting Dolores with Mirabel. "Yes!" couldn't be happiness from getting out of marriage, as it would logically be broken by that time already. Isabela is genially happy for Dolores finally getting her boyfriend. Another interesting moment is how fast Mariano jumps onto Dolores. Almost instantly suggesting marriage. Which may hindsight that he loved Dolores' all along at least to some extent. (And, convindering how he always goes to help her in the books first, It can actually be the case)

We're getting to the emotional end!

"Home, sweet home. I like the new foundation." is a reprise of the first line of the song. Again, it seem like she's talking about Casita. (And it's actually very likely this time). But it also tells how the new family, who has grown up so much and healed is a far better foundation to a healthy dynamic. While still being imperfect. Which is okay. The Madrigals accept their flaws and how impossible the perfection is in reality.

The doorknob moment is vey important for one reason. Touching it is what gave them Magic. What made them "A Madrigal." And even if they don't have gifts now, it made Mirabel finally asknowledge herself as a part of the family. As one of the mighty Madrigals. It was the way the family told her. "You're one of us too. You're special the way we are."

And oh gosh, the lyrics! "We see how bright you burn." Is another the warm family referring to how starts burn according to Mirabel's own words. Again, also telling her how important she is, how she is special just like the rest of the family. Which, if you think of it, is very powerful. As they refer to the way Mira encouraged them. "We see how brave you've been!" says how much Mirabel had done to her family and how they appreciate it. Which is sung by both of her sisters, who were previously supported by her. "Now see yourself in turn" is a direct continuation. With family returning the favour and showing support that Mirabel needed so much. She showed them how important they are even without their gifts. Now they are showing how important she is. Gift or no gift. Telling her how she's the part of the family all along.

"Abre tus ojos." hits so hard. It was the first line in the movie. When Alma was shown to be very sweet with a toddler Mirabel prior her ceremony. And now returning back to this. Showing how better they are now, and how Alma appreciates Mirabel. Even without a gift.

And, oh, God! "I see me. All of me." Should I even tell anything. First, Mirabel finally asknowledge who she is. That she is loved, that she is special just like the rest of her family. This time for real. The whole song had repeatedly told us that everyone is special. (All of you). But the last words of it is MIRABEL saying "All of me." finally looking inside herself. It's not about the whole wide family anymore. It's about the only person who might've needed to hear it the most for years. Mirabel supported them all during the way, and now they are supporting her. And Mirabel gets a chance to see herself, the same way everyone else did, thanks to her. I will never tell enough of how symbolic/sweet it it. She doesn't need a gift, she doesn't need a magic role to be special for who is she just like the rest of her family

[buttercup-art]

Hiiii its meeee :] Could you tell us a bit about Noa ? How did she meet Hugo ? I've been thinking about her latelyyyy... Also, does she have a reference sheet of some kind ? For no particular reasonnn (<- planning on drawing her)

AAAAHHH HI FRIEND!!!! <3 I’d love to tell you about her!!

Noa Elizabeth Simmons (She/Her) is a powerhouse in Hyperion, having climbed her way to her position as President of Weapons Development through many forms of deception, manipulation, and overall perfectionism. She's an expert when it comes to all things related to weapons, and is one hell of a shot (her job is more managerial, but she enjoys it when she actually gets to shoot stuff lol). Like many in Hyperion, she’s always looking for ways to reach the top, wanting that control and power for herself. She’s known for being confident and narcissistic, believing she’s better than everyone and being critical of others, especially their intelligence and/or fashion choices. Having been born on Eden-5 was a big cause of that, as she was raised in a very wealthy and influential family who constantly worried about their image and pushed her to be the best. Her parents were often emotionally distant and cold, which caused her to have issues with processing emotions and things of that nature (talking about her feelings makes her uncomfortable). She doesn’t trust people easily, and has a very difficult time getting close to people. Being vulnerable around others makes her uncomfortable, because it feels like they have some sort of power over her. She likes being the one in control. She’s also French, and frequently switches between speaking English and French (or the equivalent of those languages in that world lol).

She's also a very logical thinker, often listening to her brain first instead of her heart. Overthinking is a pretty much a normal process for her; it's only natural to extensively work through things in order to reach a rational conclusion. But when things don't have a clear answer (like love), that's when she gets stuck and ties herself in a metaphorical knot. She's in her head most of the time, and that ends up doing her more harm than good.

And despite her cold exterior and bitterness, she's actually a pretty sensitive and compassionate person, secretly needing companionship (although she always tries to convince herself that she doesn't and/or it's not a good idea). When she does take a liking to someone, she gives them special treatment (giving them gifts, bringing them along with her whenever she has to do business/finding reasons to see them, giving them advice about things, protecting them, etc). She is also a good listener, and will happily listen to someone rant or gossip to her about anything they want. Just as long as she likes that person. She might tell them to "casse-toi" (piss off) if she doesn't know them that well lol

Another thing about her is that she's a lover of the arts, often painting in her free time and visiting art galleries/exhibitions every now and then. She always makes an effort to dress stylishly, even when she's alone, and takes a lot of pride in her appearance. Flowers and tea are also something she really likes (and is VERY particular about the quality of tea she drinks and how it's brewed. She wants it to be done right).

As for how Noa met Hugo, I imagine she'd meet him when he accidentally walks in on her having a meeting with Henderson, wanting to talk with his boss about his (not so) upcoming promotion. When they see each other again later on, when Henderson isn't around, he ends up lying to her about how important he is and what position he has to try to give himself a bit of a social advantage (he thought she was also middle management). However, she knew right off the bat that he wasn't telling the truth at all, because it takes a liar to know a liar. She decided to play along anyway, letting him dig himself deeper and deeper so he would have more trouble trying to get out of those lies. For funsies. And also to sort of manipulate him into killing Henderson for her. And it works out for both of them, in a way. Noa has Henderson dead, and Hugo gets to back up his claims of being Senior Vice President while also catching her attention. Seems like a win-win to her.

And she does have a reference sheet!! I initially designed her to be a sort of antagonistic character and for her to look Hyperion (and she works for them and likes what she does, so yeah, she's a bad guy) She's a snake and I love her for it! <3

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

I finally had the time to reread Jimin's interview for W Korea, as well as the on-set Q&A taken during the photoshoot.

I think that when it comes to an artist, such as Jimin or any other one in a similar position, it can be difficult to end up with a truly valuable interview, especially when it doesn't have a very specific purpose based on some recent work or release. For example, if one would release a solo album like J-Hope, then the interview would have a clear direction, focused on his music and the entire process of creation. Which is what his interview with W Korea actually turned up to be.

But then, what do you do with someone who is in between? Leaving behind and pressing pause on group activities and getting ready to release his own music, but he's not quite there yet. I found that most of the questions were concentrated on his wellbeing, mental state, as well as his work ethic and his obvious perfectionism. I also saw that Jimin is perhaps ready to let go of his obsession with his youth, by closing his 20s and getting ready for his 30s. I think that only now that process begins and it shows how much he has matured.

But apart from that, I think there were some missed opportunities here, not only on behalf of the interviewer, but also in Jimin's responses. And given than it was made through email exchange, it wouldn't have been that difficult. I noticed that Jimin has a particular way of creating his answers, a product of media training and perhaps a need to reveal enough to make the reader think they found out something new, when in fact it's not really the case. His answers are short, right to the point, without any free flow and letting his mind just take him in a natural progression. And all this is made through some vague, general statements, avoiding any details. He talks about the process of making his own album and how it's more difficult because he's on his own, but he doesn't elaborate on the specifics. At this point, it's a pattern.

But I also believe that the way questions are formulated has a direct impact on the type of answers received. For example, when Jimin mentioned he felt lost, the next question was perhaps too leading, offering immediately 3 options as reasons. It was too leading, instead of being open and letting Jimin reveal on his own thoughts on that topic. It was almost like he was given the easy way out on a topic which could be too revealing. Not that he wouldn't be able to avoid it all together, this was not live, but to me, it looked a bit constrictive.

I also noticed that the interview was taken from the perspective of having a conversation with idol/BTS member Jimin and regular person Jimin, and not as much with dancer Jimin (there was intention there, but cut off too soon, including with Jimin's answer about his childhood). If this was an opportunity to present Jimin on his own, talking more about his craft would have been a really great way of diving deeper into the actual specificity of his work, of his skills. He's a dancer who is barely asked questions, despite the fact that his performances are now considered memorable.

Ultimately, I appreciate that he's open about his vulnerabilities, although he is distancing himself from it, talking from his present about his past and how things are better. Which I hope it is. But then again, it's like a clinical response. And I don't blame him for it. Each of us has the right to talk about it depending on our boundaries. And given Jimin's position, what we know about him and how guarded he is, it makes sense. It was nice and comforting to see that he is surrounded by people who are there for him. That part of the interview really stuck with me.

As a last observation, related to regular and not superstar Jimin, I think this interview and the Q&A reflect how unglamorous he is and no hint of vanity in sight. That's something that I never sensed with him and the interview falls in that category as well. I think he's confident enough, without bragging at all. Jimin mastered the art of how to present and create and ideal image of a humble and loved idol and up until now, there's hasn't been anything in 10 years to contradict that. And choosing to end the interview by saying he's nothing but a guy in a tracksuit was the perfect closing line.

[theresistanceneverquits]

So this last week was OCD Awareness Week and it got me thinking about how in TMNT 2012, Donnie was “confirmed” to have obsessive-compulsive disorder. (A writer who worked on the show confirmed it.) However, as someone with OCD I have never related to Donnie, and I’ve recently been rewatching the series with this knowledge in mind and still have not seen any good evidence of representation from him.

However, I feel like a character that actually displays themes of OCD well is Leo. I will say that my view of Leo’s OCD-coding is more based on his mentality, as opposed to actually showing signs of rituals or anything. This is me acknowledging that in-canon he does not exhibit Actual signs of OCD (neither does Donnie), but rather that his mentality better reflects OCD than Donnie’s does, to the point where I’ve related to Leo at times because of these themes.

There are also aspects that overlap with Leo possibly having ptsd and/or depression in the series, but I am making this analysis to educate you about how OCD works regardless, as I feel there is still something to be learned from headcanons and theories when it comes to analysis. I will also analyze how Donnie’s traits that can be skewed to represent OCD actually better fit a diagnosis of autism, using research provided to me by some friends who are autistic.

Onto the analysis! Starting with Donnie, there were a few traits I was able to identify that could work as OCD. He’s neat and organized, dislikes change, and hyperfixates on his work. He also had that chart to help him ask out April, which shows his need for preparation. However, his chart was in preparation for the sake of a goal, whereas for OCD the “preparation” is like preparing for a tragedy that will never exist. And the chart is being used to avoid social conflict as opposed to his own internal anxiety. These traits are not caused by a need to satisfy intrusive thoughts and compulsions, but are rather how he processes his environment better. Donnie would feel frustrated, off-kilter, and overwhelmed if his routines were messed with. Leo attaches more of a moral weight to the actions in his routines.

So that brings me to how Donnie shows signs of being autistic. He tends to explain things and volunteer information when the situation doesn’t call for it, and especially during dire situations. An interesting parallel is how in Rise of the TMNT, Donnie is canonically autistic; in the Rise Movie Donnie says, “Data collection calms me down.” In the season 2 finale of 2012, Donnie tells Leo that oversharing and being technical is “how I deal with stress!”

Donnie also stims, such as often sticking out his tongue when he works. He is also very particular about the layout of his stuff in his lab, and shows great distress when someone (Mikey) messes with his stuff. He doesn’t want to feel out of control of his environment in his own workspace. He also tends to take things literally, such as when Raph said “Could we pick a more cliche way to get eaten?” sarcastically, and Donnie proceed to list off actual cliches to Raph’s annoyance.

Finally, Donnie sometimes experiences sensory discomfort. When Mikey spilled “greasy popcorn” all over Donnie, Donnie was enraged, noting the fact that it was greasy in particular. Additionally, at a point where all the Turtles get sprayed with monster guts, Donnie’s initial reaction is to ask for hand sanitizer. While washing your hands and being clean is a common OCD trait, Donnie’s concern here is with because of the texture and germs associated.

Leo’s turn!

Okay so before we get to how 2012 Leo is OCD-coded, I want to point out that Leo actually definitely has OCPD in every version except for Rise and you can fight me on that. “Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder is characterized by a pervasive preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism, and control (with no room for flexibility) that ultimately slows or interferes with completing a task;” Leo is consistently portrayed as being a controlling perfectionist. Additionally, “OCPD is a personality disorder, which means it involves personality traits that are stable, long-held, atypical, and problematic in some way. In the case of OCPD, people with this condition may find it hard to relate to others, and their devotion to perfectionism and rigid control can make it difficult to function.” This is Leo to a T. Others around him get annoyed with these traits in him, and these traits make up many of his definitive personality traits across the franchise. This side note aside, we may move on to OCD.

I am reiterating here that my purpose is to show how Leo’s themes as a character and in his story reflect those of obsessive-compulsive disorder and am seeking to analyze and educate based on that. I am not arguing that he canonically has OCD. That being said, his themes align best with the subtype of moral scrupulosity OCD, which has people obsess over the morality of their thoughts and actions and often seek outside help to distinguish the truth.

Some basics of Leo’s character that fit OCD themes: he has several episodes of panic, recurring nightmares about his worst fears, he’s controlling and a perfectionist, and thinks something bad will happen if he isn’t at his best and puts all that pressure on himself alone. People with OCD tend to believe that bad things happen because of certain things that they do or don’t do, regardless of how accurate that belief is (it is not an accurate belief). They also can seem oddly controlling to others as they try to gauge certain no-no actions from those around them. Additionally, in “Fungus Humongous,” Leo says, “I face my fear every day.” OCD is run by fear and paranoia, and we too face our fears every day. Fun fact: I like to watch “Parisitica” and “Fungus Humongous” when I’m feeling low because of how relatable I find Leo’s struggles in them.

FINALE SPOILERS: Finally, a symptom of OCD includes “Aggressive or horrific thoughts about losing control and harming yourself or others,” which I feel parallels in Mutant Apocalypse, when Leo attacks his family in a crazed state. He becomes just like the Shredder at this moment; a direct contradiction to his worst fear of losing them. He becomes double mutated because he chose to save his family over himself.

Examining now how Leo’s struggles line up with the morality theme, it’s like his brain is giving him ultimatums and black and white statements about ‘ok you have to be THIS or else THIS will happen.’ In a smaller scale, he would rather do training “right” than quickly, like in that scene where Leo’s doing his katas slower than his brothers and he makes a jab at them for their ‘poor’ form.’ Another interesting example comes with how he is consistently obsessed with finding and helping Karai throughout the series. He feels an intense sense of responsibility about it, even in situations when it really seems out of their hands, either because of wacky circumstances or because of her own actions. He says he's doing it for Splinter, but Splinter has already reassured him several times that he doesn't NEED to. His obsession conflicts with the interests of literally his entire family; it’s a situation that is linked with his morality. Leo is a very kind person who sees the best in people and wants to help them. Karai is his sister and his father’s daughter; he takes it as his personal responsibility to save her—a savior complex born from this obsession.

Now I wanna talk about Leo’s fears and where he turns to deal with them. OCD thrives off of people “Doubting and having difficulty tolerating uncertainty.” The next few sections includes major spoilers for the season 4 finale as well as talk of Main Character Death, so feel free to skip this section. Season 4’s space arc and events taking place after “Requiem” show intense examples of this for Leo. While a part of his actions here are likely due to ptsd and/or depression, it also parallels well with how OCD works.

Leo often goes to his father for advice. However, in the space arc when he’s separated from Splinter and in season 5 when Splinter is dead, Leo still has a need to seek advice and validation from his father. It is a response of grief, but it’s also his way of feeling like he’s getting guidance in a time when he doesn’t trust himself. This is similar to the reassurance-seeking compulsion, where someone with OCD goes to an outside source to entertain whatever thoughts the OCD has come up with, instead of just letting those thoughts go. Leo talking with Splinter practically every day via hologram in the space arc is his coping mechanism during that time, but even his brothers view it as excessive. It’s as if it’s the only thing tethering him during that time where he has little stability.

Additionally, ruminating is seen in the form of Leo constantly focusing on Splinter’s death, both in the space arc and post-“Requiem.” “OCD obsessions are repeated, persistent and unwanted thoughts, urges or images that are intrusive and cause distress or anxiety;” in “Trans-Dimensional Turtles” in the space arc, Leo is talking with the past version of Splinter and sees a vision of him being stabbed by the Shredder. This flashback is presented as something he is constantly thinking and worried about; very little else consumes his thoughts. The ptsd overlap once again occurs here, but I am pointing out that it is this sort of rumination that people with OCD experience often.

Finally, people with OCD “may try to ignore or stop [their] obsessions, but that only increases [their] distress and anxiety.” In the space arc, Leo is slowly being put through it, until he snaps near the end of the arc, going off on a suicide mission alone when he thinks they’ve been led astray by Fugitoid. No one in his family brought up their concerns for his mental well-being to him, and when not surrounded by his family he expressed his doubts and fears. But most of the time for those 6 months Leo spent in denial, singularly focused on their mission to save Earth and Master Splinter. It wasn’t until that vision was seemingly put in jeopardy that he finally snapped and acted reckless to the point of nearly dying. Leo simultaneously indulged in his obsessions while consciously ignoring their existence while in the presence of others, and that led to him being in great distress.

2012 Donnie is not at all a representation of obsessive-compulsive disorder past being the “smart character,” but he is a good representation of autism, whether intentional or not. Leonardo, while not explicitly being a character with OCD, does carry similar themes that make for a relatable OCD-coded character.

Here’s my contribution to OCD Awareness Week. You are now Aware.

Special Thanks:

@/sailor_the_robot on Insta for practically co-writing this with me. Much of this essay includes direct quotes from her.

@phoenixquill-art for her help as well with Donnie’s analysis!

@mej2235 for beta reading :3

Sources:

[frostfall-matches]

[ matchmaking... ]

@ anon (🍓) : [ match report ready ]

your romantic match is…

✦ Vil Schoenheit

The intimidating, classy couple - independent, confident, and cool. The way you present yourselves to other people is rather similar on the surface, though of course each of you have your own facets under that front you put up for most people. You’re more reserved than Vil, so you’re more likely to pull back from the limelight when possible, but people still definitely regard you as a power couple whenever they see you out together. The way you hold yourself was one of the first things that Vil was attracted to; he has a decent eye for people, and little patience for incompetence. That you seemed sure of yourself and also not boastful was appealing to him.

You two are able to relate to each other in terms of being perfectionists and holding yourselves to high standards. Perfectionism is a double-edged sword, and both of you know that all too well - it is simultaneously a great strength and a great weakness. That being said, perfectionism is likely the main contributor to when one of you is feeling agitated, upset, or down. Thankfully, you two are able to easily empathize how the other is feeling and why they’re feeling that way - and you quickly figure out the best ways to comfort the other without coddling them too much.

You have the backbone to stand up to Vil if needed. He’s not the easiest to get along with, and he’s demanding when it comes to other people living up to his standards. It takes a particular type of person to get along well with him and deal with him when he’s being unreasonable. That being said, he doesn’t mind when you challenge him on things or butt heads. He doesn’t seem like the type to get along very well with someone who is very weak-willed and unable to advocate for themselves; he understands those types of people to an extent, but it is much more comfortable for him to be around people who are willing to value themselves and defend their perspectives.

Sometimes Vil might scold you if you’re tactless, similar to the way he scolds Epel for not presenting himself in a way that is professional. Your bluntness is great, sometimes - some people really need it in order to get the message. But other times, it might come off as tone deaf and inconsiderate. Vil knows you’re smart enough to find tactful ways of voicing your critiques or complaints, as well as evaluating the best way to speak to someone. He cringes internally if he’s ever around to witness you sticking your foot in your mouth and rubbing someone the wrong way when you didn’t mean to. Don’t take it too personally, though - he just wants people to see you in the best light possible, as you deserve.

He loves seeing the outfits you put together. He thinks your fashion aesthetic is classy and yet, with a unique spin on it. You’ve definitely made it your own, and he loves to see it! He would absolutely help you take pictures of your outfits for your friends or social media, if that’s something you like to do. And if he discovers that you’re okay with it, he would be the type to discreetly take candid photos here and there. You look nice, and he wants to capture moments where you’re looking and feeling good. Vil would also get a few pieces that resemble your style for himself - that way, some days he can match your style when you two go out together. It’s not hard, either, since he favors formal and elegant styles himself, and he can find pieces he likes that would fall into vintage fashion styles.

He quite enjoys how varied your interests and hobbies are. You’re well-read in the classics, but you’re also a big fan of contemporary series. Other than books, music and video games fall into your list of main interests, so you’re exposed to such a variety of mediums and ideas. On top of all that, you have a good sense for business and you like exploring those topics - which is not something most people can say. This all makes you seem like a well-rounded person to him. While Vil is pretty busy and has plenty of his own interests to focus on, he’d be happy to check out any recommendations you have for him when he has time. It all goes on a mental backlog, and sometimes you don’t even know he started reading or playing something until he brings up that he’s halfway through whatever it is and wants to talk about it.

Vil checks the boxes for traits in your preferred partners. Well, more or less, anyways - you specified someone gentle yet authoritative; he’s absolutely more on the authoritative side, and he really isn’t gentle when addressing his peers. However, he’s more vulnerable when it comes to interacting with his partner, once you break those walls down around him. He’s just a little more soft around the edges with you, more affectionate. He is also quick to pick things up, and hates feeling uninformed; even if his area of knowledge doesn’t line up with yours, he’s willing to put in the effort to research and understand things even if he doesn’t encounter those specific topics very often.

While you may hate unnecessary change, Vil would insist that there’s no growth if you don’t push yourself out of your comfort zone or if you don’t get varied experiences. He’d argue that the bare minimum amount of change isn’t enough to keep growing and learning as a person - but if you aren’t ready to take that step on your own, he’d help you. Yes, your independence and desire to carve your own way is admirable, it’s one of the things he loves about you, but rely on him a little bit here and there! He finds that he really likes it (although he should really listen to that advice himself - all too often he’s reluctant to accept help from others).

your platonic match is…

✦ Malleus Draconia

Your main bonding topic is your shared interest in old architecture and the stories that may surround old buildings. It’s not a common interest for most people - or, at the very least, it tends to be a pretty shallow interest for many people. So it makes him happy to have a conversation (and exploration) partner that is well-informed and open to discovering more. He’s such a well of knowledge when it comes to this stuff - and is happy to talk about places he’s seen in Briar Valley. If you’re interested, and you have the chance to get off of campus at all, he would love to show them to you so you can see these places personally!

Similarly, he’s glad to know that you don’t have trouble with stories and subjects that aren’t for the faint of heart. He would still try to spook you with scary legends and stories that he knows, though - but isn’t particularly fussed if you aren’t scared (but he will be a tad amused if you do get a little uneasy).

It would definitely take a while for you two to really bond. You’re reserved enough as it is, and he’s not a social butterfly either. Both of you are comfortable being alone, and don’t really need a lot of social interaction to be happy. Funnily enough, you mention that you’re often initially seen as intimidating; Malleus definitely understands the feeling! (though, your peers probably wouldn’t be terrified of you like many are when it comes to Malleus). Natural, easygoing conversations would not happen for quite some time - early conversations would subsist solely on shared interests and basic small talk.

Malleus greatly appreciates your honesty and bluntness. There are a lot of people who aren’t willing to be honest with him - out of fear or simply wanting to stay on his good side and avoid offending him - so your honesty and frank way of speaking is a breath of fresh air. He frequently comes to you for advice or to ask for your opinion, and he’s happy to extend the same courtesy to you as well.

He likes that you’re very knowledge-driven, and interested in history! And he can definitely understand how tedious it is to study the same subjects and topics over and over again without actually learning anything new or making a new connection. He’s long-lived, and he isn’t really learning anything new at NRC, so his days in school can definitely drag on him a bit. Still, he gets to learn a lot when it comes to humans and interpersonal relationships. Malleus would be a good fit as an intellectual partner - he’s a good source of information, and would be supportive of any of your intellectual pursuits.

Malleus absolutely relates to your dislike of unnecessary change. He does not adapt well to big, drastic changes, and he understands all too well the apprehension in addressing a world and people that may change all too suddenly around you. Although, for him, he may not even really think about his personal organizational systems and routines being affected by change (he’s pretty timeless in that sense), but he listens well to your grievances if such changes were to unwillingly happen to you.

At least one of you is tech-savvy. You will become his go-to person for anything electronic that he can’t figure out (which is, unfortunately for him, a lot). He’ll get the hang of things eventually, once you show him enough times. He’s definitely confused every time you show off some cool new piece of technology you’ve obtained, but he enjoys your enthusiasm nonetheless. Malleus isn’t super interested in playing video games himself, but he doesn’t mind watching you sometimes! It’s something new and different that he doesn’t personally get to see very often.

Malleus would be happy to accompany you to bookstores and libraries. He likes the quiet of libraries, and there will always be something he can pick up to read. And drag him to the stationery sections, or full on stationery shops - he hasn’t frequented those places much, but he’d probably like to look around! He would pick supplies up solely just to write letters to you. Please write to him as well - Malleus would adore getting letters from you, even if you don’t have much to say in them. He doesn’t have many friends, so this is a fun way to keep in touch with you (even if you see each other most, if not every, day).

[renofmanyalts]

Fact for fact: Merces is an adequate cook if he is given clear instructions or a recipe to follow. If he is told to improvise... well, the result is edible but not very delicious (spices, how do they work?).

Fact for fact: Tell me a fact about your OC and I will respond with a semi-related fact about mine.

Prompt 4: Off the Hook

Who: Zhah'ra Savaptha and Merces Ninthstar (belongs to @ever-searching)

What: Extenuating circumstances leave Zhah'ra and Merces in charge of dinner.

Where: The Stray Inn, South Shroud

When: some time ago, in autumn, soon after the cold room had been installed

Content notes: food, obviously

Music: "Into the Light" by Off the Hook (Splatoon 2) (YouTube, lyrics, such as they are); bonus: "Soup Song" performed by Cisco Houston (YouTube, lyrics)

Zhah'ra stopped short in the doorway to the Stray Inn's kitchens, tail swaying uncertainly as he surveyed the bowls and baskets arrayed on the table. When Ulfric, the innkeeper, had been called away on an emergency, Zhah'ra hadn't thought twice about agreeing to help finish assembling dinner, especially when Ulfric had reassured him that it was all gathered together, and basically all he and Merces would need to do was cut up the ingredients and throw them in a pot. The broth was already simmering on the stove, even.

But this was... a lot of ingredients.

At least the things themselves were familiar enough. He recognized the unavoidable apples from the inn's orchard, and a few pumpkins with their ribbed green-and-orange skins. White beans sat soaking in a bowl. A double handful of celery stalks were arranged in a jar of water like the star's crunchiest flower arrangement. Beside them, a veritable mountain of some green, leafy something — two different green, leafy somethings? — stood heaped on a stack of towelling, still glistening with moisture. Lastly, there was a bundle of what Zhah'ra was pretty sure were leeks, with their thick, white stems and dark green tops. Maayan's exasperated recounting of too many bowls of the sandy, fibrous vegetables played in his mind.

It was just the two of them. The inn had no guests at the moment, and most of the residents were away. He glanced over the intimidating pile of produce, trying to imagine how it might fit together into a cohesive dish.

"Merces..." he said slowly, turning to look at his erstwhile brother-in-arms. "What would you say to having bread and butter for dinner?"

—

Zhah'ra can generally manage to competently get nourishment into himself, if not with very much flair. At this point in time, he had really only recently begun learning to cook, so he had little confidence in his skills when it came to making food others would find palatable.

On top of that, while he's not a strict carnivore, he does feel much better when his diet has higher proportions of meat and fish. He is... markedly unenthused about plain vegetable stew — especially after his stint in Rhalgr's Reach, where a pottage of greens was the usual fare from the communal cookpot. Ulfric's cooking typically circumvents this objection, but "having a bowl of delicious something placed in front of you" and "having to get there yourself from raw ingredients" are two very different propositions!

—

Apparently the perfectionism-busting exercise for me this year is being gentle about artificial deadlines. I started trying to write this soon after prompt 6 came out on Wednesday (i.e., right on schedule for my modified challenge), but I was struggling so much with my usual nonsense that I kept having to go rest. Maybe 2-3 prompt fills a week is too ambitious? (When I ask myself this, my immediate internal response is "well, yeah, that sounds like a lot?") I'm having fun, though! >:(

As an aside, the intended end point for all of those ingredients was pumpkin soup with leeks and white beans. I've never made this particular recipe, but I think it sounds delicious. (I have made this one, beans omitted, and it is.)

[ask-and-i-answer]

The House on Mango Street

In my English 3 class, we are reading The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros. And there is one particular vignette that speaks to me... so ill put it down here, and maybe you too can relate

So here is the vignette, "Sally":

"Sally is the girl with eyes like Egypt and nylons the color of smoke. The boys at school think she's beautiful because her hair is shiny black like raven feathers and when she laughs, she flicks her hair back like a satin shawl over her shoulders and laughs.

Her father says to be this beautiful is trouble. They are very strict in his religion. they are not supposed to dance. He remembers his sisters and is sad. Then she can't go out. Sally I mean.

Sally, who taught you to paint your eyes like Cleopatra? And if I roll the little brush with my tongue and chew it to a point and dip it in the muddy cake, the one in the little red box, will you teach me?

I like your black coat and those shoes you wear, where did you get them? My mother says to wear black so young is dangerous, but I want to buy those shoes just like yours, like your black ones made out of suede, just like those. And one day, when my mother's in a good mood, maybe after my next birthday, I'm going to ask to buy the nylons too.

Cheryl, who is not your friend anymore, not since last Tuesday before Easter, not since the day you made her ear bleed, not since she called you that name and bit a hole in your arm and you looked as if you were going to cry and everyone was waiting and you didn't, you didn't, Sally, not since then, you don't have a best friend to lean against the schoolyard fence with, to laugh behind your hands at what the boys say. There is no one to lend you her hairbrush.

The stories the boys tell in the coatroom, they're not true. You lean against the schoolyard fence alone with your eyes closed as if no one was watching, as if no one could see you standing there, Sally. What do you think about when you close your eyes like that? nd why do you always have to go straight home after school? You become a different Sally. You pull your skirt straight, you rub the blue paint off your eyelids. You don't laugh, Sally. You look at your feet and walk fast to the house you can't come out from.

Sally, do you sometimes wish you didn't have to go home? Do you wish your feet would one day keep walking and take you far away from Mango Street, far away and maybe your feet would stop in front of a house, a nice one with flowers and big windows and steps for you to climb up two by two upstairs to where a room is waiting for you. And if you opened the little window latch and gave it a shove, the windows would swing open, all the sky would come in. There'd be no nosy neighbors watching, no motorcycles and cars, no sheets and towels and laundry. Only trees and more trees and plenty of blue sky. And you could laugh, Sally. you could go to sleep and wake up and never have to think who likes and doesn't like you. You could close your eyes and you wouldn't have to worry what people said because you never belonged here anyway and nobody could make you sad and nobody would think you're strange because you like to dream and dream. And no one could yell at you if they saw you out in the dark leaning against a car, leaning against somebody without someone thinking you are bad, without somebody saying it is wrong, without the whole world waiting for you to make a mistake when all you wanted, all you wanted, Sally, was to love and to love and to love and to love, and no one could call that crazy" (pp. 81-83).

It just- this vignette came at the right time. And now, I can say how I feel about myself and about my perfectionism just by having someone read this vignette. I can understand myself so much better.

[charlotte-headcanons]

Hey! How have ypu been? 2,3,6,7,9,15 Who else but Monty (Kata, Brulee, Peros too :D) yeah it's a big order!

Phew, that one sure took a while! But everything for you, friend 💕💕 We're alright, hope you've been well too! ✨

Some practicalities first: We decided to organize this answer by characters, for maximum space to go into detail on each headcanon! Some headcanons pertain to our modern AU rather than to the One Piece canon as we found these headcanons worked better for a particular prompt: we'll indicate those at the start of each bullet point!

Send us a number and a character and we'll post headcanons!

2. Job headcanon

Modern AU: Mont D'Or is a librarian by passion and a prosecutor by profession. He opened up and manages his own library in the early mornings and late evenings, but in-between that, he works on court cases. He might be overworked, and is definitely a workaholic but he hardly ever slacks off on either of his careers; and he's notorious for being professional, convincing, and very attached to every case. Highly principled unless Mama orders him to do something for her, he refuses to prosecute those he doesn't believe should be prosecuted, and for those he wants to face justice - he will get so heated that he might get reprimanded by judges for yelling or by cops and detectives for joining their investigations uninvited. His sister, Galette, is his secretary, and she follows him around everywhere, helping out however much she can!

3. Drinking headcanon

Mont D'Or... might have a bit of an alcohol problem. It's not that he gets drunk often... but he does drink regularly. Essentially, every time his siblings piss him off, he takes a sip, so you can imagine how many sips accumulate throughout the day. His prefer drink is red dry wine and he mostly drinks alone, without witnesses, not to give a bad example! To get really drunk, he would have to drink a lot; but if he does get drunk, he mostly gets more explosive than usual or somewhat lagged out, processing all information input slower than normally.

6. Musical headcanon

In Mont D'Or's eyes, the main function music has is to help him either focus or unwind. For both of these roles, he enjoys classical music most - think especially something akin to Wagner. He despises loud music and prefers instrumental pieces, although he is also an opera enthusiast. His guilty pleasure, discovered quite recently, could also be lo-fi kind of music! It calms him down a little, even though he doesn't like to be caught listening to it, as his expressed music-related opinions are overall quite snobbish.

7. Food/Cooking headcanon

Mont D'Or would gladly cook if he had the time for it; but being as busy as he is, he is forced to depend on others and on ordering food throughout each day. His tastes encompass rather fancy cuisine: he adores charcuterie boards and seafood, refuses to eat fast food, adds cheese to pretty much everything that is remotely acceptable like an apple pie and calls it an acquired taste. Besides that, he always likes to have a cookie with his black coffee; considering how much coffee he drinks every day, that is a lot of cookies consumed!

9. Childhood headcanon

As a child, Mont D'Or was known as just a nerd. He was way more shy and less aggressive than he is now; it was only over time, having been ridiculed by some siblings for his unconventional (in this family) interests, that he toughened up and learned to stand up for himself. Ever since he learned to read, Mont D'Or was a frequent visitor to all libraries of Totto Land. At the time, there weren't that many, nor did they have impressive book collections, so soon enough, Mont D'Or started reading books way above his age target group, and by the time he came of age, he was disappointed to find out that he has already read every book currently available within Big Mom's territory. At first, little Mont D'Or wasn't quite sure what he can offer to his family of murderous pirates: he wasn't strong nor all that ruthless, and his strengths could be found rather in the areas that wouldn't be that useful for sailing or plundering. He also felt lonely before Galette came along, and he could most often be found alone, or around Compote, who had a soft spot for her smart little brother. Eventually, Mont D'Or figured out that strategy and organization were the areas where his family could need him, though; from there, he moved on to transform from a quiet nerd into a pillar of Big Mom Pirates’ planning.

15. School headcanon

Besides setting up many more libraries in Totto Land than it once had, Mont D'Or took it onto himself to kickstart a proper education system in his mother's territory. In the past, none of the Charlotte siblings went through formalized education, rather having to learn from experience or directly from Big Mom, other pirates, and from each other. Now, Mont D'Or makes sure that teachers are recruited to Totto, and at least basic schools (available universally) are established!

Modern AU: It is probably not surprising that at school, Mont D'Or would be a straight-A's student. Stellar at every test, he would however not be all that liked by the teachers due to his behavior problems. His temper and lack of respect for authority if the authority is wrong would both make him a troublesome student to get in conflict with. He'd absolutely correct the teachers on their mistakes, and if they dared refuse to acknowledge their faults... he would yell. 😔

Katakuri, Brulee, and Perospero under the cut!

2. Job headcanon

Modern AU: As we discussed in a previous post, Katakuri would definitely be every parent's dream child, aka a doctor and a lawyer in one! A neurologist and an advocate, Katakuri would be very close to burnout, and wouldn't really actively work in the law field anymore, not wanting to infringe on Mont D'Or's turf. He would definitely work too much, but telling him to rest would hardly be a solution: with his perfectionism, he would not be able to sleep unless his task was carried out well. He wouldn't like his job all that much, really, but he'd still keep it to continue supporting his younger or less talented siblings with his money; and not to disappoint his mother, of course.

3. Drinking headcanon

Katakuri refuses to drink alcohol, finding every possible excuse to not be pressured into it. First of all, he just doesn't want to show his mouth, lay down, or do something even more embarassing for anyone to see if he gets drunk. More importantly, though, he is scared of falling into an addiction as a coping method, so he prefers to just avoid the temptation altogether. If possible, he'd rather not be around drunk people, too!

6. Musical headcanon

Katakuri enjoys all kinds of music and has quite a diverse tastes, with some of his favorites coming from indie rock, metal, cute pixel music, grunge, and more. He is quite embarrassed to share the music he listens to, so when possible, he listens to it on headphones. When he's fully convinced that he's alone, he might sing a little or bob his head to the music he enjoys; if listening to songs around people, though, he'll keep a fully straight, unmoved face.

7. Food/Cooking headcanon

As the supreme donut lover, Katakuri actually has a secret bucket list of all flavors of donuts he wants to try! He cares about the textures of food a lot, and generally prefers soft and chewy things. To set him apart from Luffy, Katakuri also doesn't really like meat, with few exceptions! Sometimes, Katakuri joins Perospero in his morning tea drinking sessions, and it was from his older brother that he learned to like his tea very sweet. As for cooking, he tried it as a child, but found to have little patience for it back then; now, he'd probably do way better if he tried to cook, but just like Mont D'Or, he just doesn't have the time!

9. Childhood headcanon

Katakuri is probably the Charlotte that changed the most since his early childhood. Before the Brulee incident, he was actually a rather lazy, even if talented, kid. To get him to train, an incentive of donuts was always necessary; and having been highly influenced by Daifuku and Oven, he also used to be a bit of a troublemaker. If anyone made fun of him or annoyed him, they would always see Katakuri throwing hands - he was far more eruptive than now and didn't really care what others thought. Brulee getting hurt because of him, though, had a life-changing effect on him; and it effectively molded him into the hardworking, serious, troubled person that he is now.

15. School headcanon

Modern AU: Despite starting off as a troublemaker who slept through the boring classes, these days Katakuri is a model student, and many teachers marvel at his transformation. He is just as good in sciences as in sports, and often represents his school in various competitions, regularly winning too! Although he gets A's in everything, his favorite school subjects remain the humanities. After school, he revises the lesson material for exactly an hour every day, but doesn't need to study much before tests, having a great memory and a kind of sixth sense for filtering out important information. Despite not wanting to be in the spotlight, he's very popular with fellow students and a lot of classmates have secret crushes on him, girls or guys!

2. Job headcanon

Modern AU: As we headcanon, one of Brulee's main hobbies is tending to her herbal garden, and she knows a lot about the healing properties of plants! Naturally, then, she would gladly choose pharmacy as her career path: the calm atmosphere combined with helping others would fit her vibe perfectly. Besides that, she would also work voluntarily babysitting the children of her siblings; the kids would always be kind of scared of her at first, but soon enough they would outright cry whenever she would have to leave even just for a moment.

3. Drinking headcanon

Brulee drinks alcohol rarely and in small amounts; mostly as an addition to a good dinner. She is an extreme lightweight, so anything more than one glass of her favorite white wine results in her becoming way more clumsy than usual and inevitably getting a next-morning headache. To avoid this, she makes sure to never drink more than she knows she can handle!

6. Musical headcanon

Another classical music lover, Brulee would enjoy something akin to Schubert's songs most! Even though she isn't the best at it, with her voice being just a bit too nasal and too scratchy, Brulee likes to sing (especially ballads and lullabies!) and often hums while working. Having a bit more free time than most of her siblings, Brulee also managed to learn some instruments, albeit she only ever stuck to the basics and simple pieces. The piano is the instrument she plays rather well, so she can teach her younger siblings how to play a few easy songs if they so please; very recently, she also picked up the violin, and she enjoys practicing it although, so far, the sounds she can make hardly resemble what she would like to hear.

7. Food/Cooking headcanon

Brulee cooks a lot and enjoys doing that a bunch! She's quite experimental and healthy with her recipes, and prefers salty foods as well as meat or soups. As a result, she is one of the few bastions that keep some of her siblings from succumbing to dessert-only diets. Once in a while, she bakes bread too; since she always cooks way more food than she needs, she often ends up sharing or donating it! You can almost always smell something cooking up in her hut; even if Totto Land has so many high-level chefs, Brulee still likes to make her own, homemade food herself.

9. Childhood headcanon

As a child, Brulee was much more anxious than she is now. She was always a bit awkward and clumsy, and kind of bullied for her witchy appearance by the other children in ports and in Totto Land. Over time, she learned to embrace herself, though; in the stories her older siblings told her, she always identified with the witches, and she later proceeded to amplify this image of herself as much as possible, instead of resenting it!

15. School headcanon

Modern AU: Brulee would be a mediocre student, who'd be kind of picked on, at least until Katakuri got all set on defending her! Her favorite school subject would be history, and she'd also enjoy some parts of biology - though she'd much rather learn about plants and animals than the human insides. Always a sweetheart, Brulee would enjoy secretly making her classmates happy with little anonymous gifts; each birthday or Valentine's Day, anyone could count on at least one card from a secret friend, who everyone would suspect to be her, as she isn't all that great at hiding.

2. Job headcanon

Modern AU: Perospero would be an interior designer, but really, one of a kind. Even if just designing a chair, he'd see his work as art and himself as an artist, and he'd act accordingly. Cracker Any architect unlucky enough to have to work with him would end up in despair as he'd blatanly ignore the technical limits and capacities of a building for the aesthetic. Likewise, his clients would have to be prepared for many unexpected decisions and costs: Perospero would not take orders from them but always stick to what he thinks looks good, no matter how intricate or expensive. Effectively, the only clients brave enough to employ him more than once would be the rich and extravagant ones: those would appreciate his work immensely, while anyone remotely more practical would have to complain.

3. Drinking headcanon

Perospero parties and gets drunk quite often, although he exclusively drinks overly sweet cocktails and never drinks outside of a social context! When he has too much to drink, he gets either hyper, horny, or annoying - or all three at once - depending on his mood. Whichever it is, he also loses all understanding of personal space, gets a lot more touchy, and much more likely to lick everyone and everything. At the end of the night, he has the tendency to pretend that he's much more drunk than he actually is, too, hoping that someone will carry him home like the princess he wants to be; though most of the time, it just ends up with Daifuku pulling him back by the leg.

6. Musical headcanon

Perospero loves to sing, especially publically, and he's surprisingly good at it! damn I really got a stroke first time I heard him sing, like, my man, how can you sing so well with an entire tongue out wtf Perospero explain. His preferred repertoire of music to sing includes all sorts of songs from musicals; as for music to listen to, he ranges between musicals and hyperpop, or any music sweet and bubbly on the outside but disturbing and horror-like as it develops!

7. Food/cooking headcanon

Perospero does not cook on principle, insisting that they have the chefs for it. His diet as a whole is downright atrocious; he adds sugar to quite literally everything, acts dramatically, as if he was poisoned if forced to eat anything not sweet enough, and mostly lives off candy. His 'tea' can hardly be called that anymore, considering that it contains more syrups and sugar than tea itself. Basically, Compote gets chills whenever she sees him eat and continuously marvels at how the fuck he is still alive.

9. Childhood headcanon

Having to take care of his siblings early on, Perospero didn't get much of a careless childhood. Once Linlin was unable to keep all children with her on the Rocks Pirates ship, by the time he was 8, he was put in charge of all the younger siblings she left in a port (while Compote was looking over the ones that stayed with Linlin on the ship). Perospero looks back at his childhood fondly, though; he liked ordering his brothers and sisters around, liked being in charge, and especially loved being admired and looked up to as the eldest sibling role model. Once Katakuri became a new favorite of the family, Perospero was so jealous and grumpy for a while that he even went through a rebellious phase of trying to run away; he came back less than a day later though, having cried his eyes out once missing his family and homesickness kicked in, never to try to leave ever again.

15. School headcanon

Modern AU: At school, Perospero would definitely focus on socializing way more than on learning. Among the teachers, he would be known as a smart but lazy kind of student, doing the bare minimum for most classes, though excelling in art and music. He would have mostly girl friends, essentially running his own mean girls group; together with them, he'd always come up with excuses to not exercise during P.E. so that his looks don't get ruined and so that he can just spend the time gossiping about the guys instead. If someone got on his bad side, Perospero would also not be above bullying them, although he wouldn't do that in a conventional way - rather, he'd just make his victims severely uncomfortable, getting way to close, switching between flirty and dangerous tones, and making them feel trapped before just backing off and laughing. An absolute menace to society, even in a modern AU 😔

If you managed to get through all of this, we salute you, soldier 🎖️Hope you enjoyed, though! ✨ It was sure fun to come up with. Thanks for the ask! 💕

[highsviolets]

INTERVIEW NO. 1: RACHEL @djarinsbeskar

hello hello! i am so happy to announce that rachel — aka the immense talent that is @djarinsbeskar — has agreed to be my first interviewee for this new series! thank you to rach and to each one of you for all of your support. to read more about the project, click here, and to submit an author, click here.

| why rachel? |

Rachel captured my imagination from the first time we interacted as mutuals-in-law. She’s bursting with energy and vivaciousness, with a current of kindness just underneath everything she does. Her work is no exception. Oftentimes gritty, raw, and exposing (in … ahem…more ways than one), Rachel challenges her readers to dig deeper into both the story and themselves. Her smut brings a particular fire as it’s laced with need, desire, and mutual trust that leads us deeper into the characters’ identities and how physical affection can mimic other forms of intimacy. She’s a tour de force in this fandom and an absolute joy.

| known for |

Engaging with and encouraging other authors, cultivating inspo posts, attention to world building & character development

| my favorites |

Stitches

Boxer!Din

Full Masterlist • Ko-Fi

| q & a |

When did you start writing? What was that project, and what was it like? Has that feeling or process ever changed over time? Why?

I can’t remember a time I wasn’t writing. I was an avid reader, as I think most writers are—and I remember, after picking up Lord of the Rings—that I could live so many lives, experience so many things, all from the pages of a book. I could make sense of the world through words and ink and paper. And it offered me a level of peace and clarity I wanted to share with others. So, I started writing.

My first project I remember to this day, was a short story about a dog. I had been so heartbroken when I learned that dogs were colourblind. I must have been about seven or eight at the time, and I was fixated on this idea that dogs couldn’t see the vibrant hues that made the world beautiful. It was something I wanted to change—and with all the righteous anger of a child not getting their own way, I sulked over the fact that I couldn’t. Until I wrote it down.

“How do dogs see colour?”

And much like my writing today, I answered myself.

“Dogs don’t need to see colour. Dogs smell colour.”

And so, I wrote a story, about a puppy being brought on different walks by its owner. And with every new street it walked down—colour bloomed with scent. Colours more beautiful and vibrant than we could ever hope to see with our eyes. And it gave me solace and helped me work through an emotion that – granted was immature and inconsequential – had affected me. To this day, I still smile seeing dogs sniffing at everything they pass on their walks. Smelling colour. It gave me the key to my favourite thing in life. I don’t think my process has changed much since then. Much of what I write is based on a skeleton plan, but I leave room for characters to speak and feel as they need to. I like to know the starting point and destination of a chapter—but how they get there, that still falls to instinct. I think I’ve found a happy medium of strict planning and winging it that suits me now—and hopefully it will continue to improve over time!

When did you start posting your writing, and on what platform? What gave you the push to do that?

I mean, fanfiction has always been part of my life. I think anyone who was growing up in the late 2000’s and early 2010’s found their way to fanfiction.net at some time or other. The wild west compared to what we have now! My first post was for the Lord of the Rings fandom on fanfiction.net. It was an anthology of the story told through the eyes of the steeds. Bill the Pony, Shadowfax—it was all very innocent. That was probably in 2010 when I was fifteen. I had been wanting to share writing for a long time but was worried about how it would be received. I didn’t really have a gauge on my level or my creativity and – one of the many flaws of someone with crippling perfectionism – I only ever wanted to provide perfection. That was a major inhibitor when I was younger. By wanting it to be perfect, I never posted anything. Until that stupidly cute LOTR fic. It was freeing to write something that no one but me had any interest in, because if I was writing for myself then there was no one to disappoint, right? And that was all it took. I had some pauses over the years between college and life and such, but I’ve never lost that mindset when it comes to posting.

What your favorite work of yours that you have ever written? Why is it your favorite? What is more important to you when considering your own stories for your own enjoyment — characters? fandom? spice? emotional development? the work you’ve put into it? Is that different than what you enjoy reading most in other people’s fics?

I don’t think it’ll come as much of a surprise when I say Stitches. While not original, I mean—it follows the plot of the Mandalorian quite diligently, it is the piece of work I really hold very close to my heart. Din Djarin as a character is what got me back into writing after what must have been five years? He inspired something. His manner, his personality—he resonated with me as a person in a way I hadn’t felt in a long time. And gave me back a creative outlet I had been missing.

It’s funny to say out loud—but I wanted to give him something? I spent so long thinking about his character that half my brain felt like it belonged to him—how he reacted and responded to things etc. and of course, like every dreamy Pisces—I wanted to give him love and happiness. So, Stitches came along. Personally, when writing—it’s a combination of characters, emotional development and spice (I can’t help myself) and when we can follow that development. With Stitches, it’s definitely the spice that is the conduit for development—but I adore showing how the physical can help people who struggle to communicate emotions too complex for words.

I don’t usually read for Din, as most people know—but I do enjoy reading the type of work that Stitches is. Human, damaged—but still with an undercurrent of hope that makes me think of children’s books.

You said, “much like writing today, I answered myself.” Could you talk about that in relation to Stitches?

So, I’m endlessly curious, it has to be said. Especially about why people are the way they are. Why people do A instead of B. Why X person’s immediate thought went to this place instead of that place. And I’m rarely satisfied with superficial explanations. One of the most exciting parts of writing and fanfiction especially, is making sense of that why. There can be countless explanations, some that are content with what is seen on the surface and some that go deep and some that go even deeper still.

Stitches is almost a – very long winded and much too long – answer to the questions I was so intrigued by about Din Djarin, about the Mandalorian and about the Star Wars universe as a whole. I often wondered what happened to people after the Rebellion, the normal people who fought—the people in the background. What did they do next? Did some of them suffer from PTSD? What was the galaxy like right after the Empire fell? That first season of the Mandalorian answered some of those questions, but I wanted to know more. So, I created a reader insert who was a combat medic—and through her, I let myself answer the questions of what happened next.

Regarding Din as a character, I wanted to know what a bounty hunter with a code of honour would do in certain situations—what made him tick, what made hm vulnerable. I wanted to explore the discovery of his identity. Din Djarin didn’t exist after he was taken from Aq Vetina. He became a cog in a very efficient machine of Mandalorians—and it was safe there. I wanted to see what – or who – might encourage him to step into his own. Grogu was that person in a familial sense, but what about romantically? What about individually? There’s so much to explore with this man! So many facets of personality and nuances of character that make him so gorgeous to write and think about.

Talk to me about the Din Djarin Athletic Universe. How does Din as all of these forms of athlete play off who you see him as in canon?

The Athletic Universe! How I adore my athletes. Despite being in a modern setting, I have kept the core of Din’s character in each of them (at least I hope I have!). I like to divide Din’s character into three phases when it comes to canon because he’s not as immovable as people seem to think he is. We discussed this before, how I see Din as a water element—adaptable, but strong enough that he can be as steadfast as rock. But I digress, the first phase is the character we see in the first episode. Basically, before Grogu. There’s an aggressive brutality to Din when we see him bounty hunting. He works on autopilot and isn’t swayed by sob stories or promises. He has the covert but is ultimately separate. Those soft feelings he comes to recognise when he has Grogu are dormant – not non-existent – but they haven’t been nurtured or encouraged. This is the point I extracted Boxer!Din’s personality and story from.

Cyclist!Din on the other hand—is already a father, a biological father to Grogu. And his personality, I took from that moment in the finale of Season two where I believe Din’s transformative arc of character solidified. He was always a father to Grogu, but I do believe that moment where he removes his helmet is the moment, he accepts that role fully in his heart and mind. And that is why I don’t believe for a second, that removing his helmet was him breaking his Creed. In fact, I believe it was the purest act he could do in devotion to his Creed—to his foundling, to his son. The Cyclist!AU is very much the character I see canon Din having should Grogu have stayed with him. This single dad who isn’t quite sure how he got to where he is now—but does anything and everything for his child without thought. It’s a natural instinct for him, and I like exploring those possibilities with Cyclist!Din.

You also said, “he has the covert but is ultimately separate.” What does it take for him — and you — to get to that point of being ‘not separate?’

I mentioned this above, but one of the biggest interests I have in Din as a character is his identity. He’s a Mandalorian, he’s a bounty hunter, he’s the child’s guardian but those are all what he is, not who. I think Din is separate while being part of the covert because he doesn’t know. I don’t think anyone can really be part of something if they don’t know who they are or, they struggle with their identity. It’s curious to me—how you can deceive even yourself to mimic the standard set for the many. In the boxer verse, he identifies himself in relation to his boxing—and every part of his outward personality exhibits those qualities. But when he’s given a softer touch—an outlet of affection, and comfort—we see the softer side of him surface. It’s very much the same with Stitches Din. Identity is like anything, emotions—relationships, bodies. It needs nurturing to thrive, an open door—a safe space. At least, that’s what goes through my mind when I think of him.

Who is your favorite character to read?

Frankie because there are so many ways his character can be interpreted and there are some stellar versions of him that I think of at least once a day. Javi because he reminds me of kintsugi-- golden recovery, broken pottery where the cracks are highlighted with gold. I also adore reading for Boba Fett, Paz Viszla and the clones!

Is there anything else you want your readers to know about you, your writing, or your creative process?

Hmm... only that I am quite literally a gremlin clown who is always here to chat Din, Star Wars, literature, book recs and anything else under the sun! I like to hear people's stories, their opinions etc. it helps me see things from alternative points of view and can truly help the writing process! Other than that, I think I can only thank readers for putting up with my ridiculously long chapters and rambling introspection. Thank you for indulging me always! ❤️

[daughterofanarcissistwoman]

A trauma involving the mother or father is sometimes referred to as a "wound" because it damages the body-mind, needs proper healing, and often leaves a scar or weakness in your body or emotional makeup. No wound is more charged for both men and women than the mother wound. Your relationship with your mother or whoever provided your "mothering" is the primary relationship in your development, and it inevitably conditions much of your life.

By repeatedly staying with difficult feelings and body sensations, your perspective of the past shifts. You become far less reactive and more flexible in your emotional responses. It is not that your history is rewritten, but rather that the self experiencing that history is transformed.

You may also secretly believe that your wound is ugly, something to be ashamed of. But ask, do the wounds of your friends make them any less attractive? Are you not inspired when they handle them in a courageous manner? Why would it not be the same for you? If there is some part of you that you find unacceptable, make it the object of your loving-kindness practice.

The Four Functions of Mothering

You can bring more clarity to your mother wound by reflecting specifically on what mothering means to you. There are four basic functions of mothering- nurturing, protecting, empowering, and initiating-and a trauma can occur in any of them. Although they are interconnected, it helps to examine them separately in order to clarify the trauma.

Through practicing mindfulness, compassion, and loving-kindness, you develop the four mothering capacities within yourself. The practice of developing these inner capacities is slow, but the effect is strong and easily felt. Keep in mind that "fathering" also involves these same four functions, with some differences. Ideally these functions are shared by both parents, with each compensating for the other's weaknesses. If you struggle with a trauma around the father, you can reflect on these same functions.

Reflecting on these functions will also help you understand that no woman is only a mother and no man only a father; "mothering" and "fathering" are done by women and men who by their very humanness are less than perfect in what they can give. For many people, this understanding alone is liberating.

Mother As Nurturer

The first of the four functions of the mother is nurturing, the giving of care that allows for life (symbolized by the mother's milk), which encompasses meeting the wide range of physical and emotional needs a child has in order to grow and develop. You know about a child's needs for food, shelter, medicine, comfort, and relatedness; a child who is not held enough develops into an adult with a range of physical and emotional difficulties, just as an inadequate diet manifests as health problems later in life. But there is a more subtle aspect of nurturing I call "nurturing with joy," which celebrates the existence of the child as a source of delight for the one who is mothering and which manifests in the child and continues into adulthood as a sense of innate worth and spontaneous joy.

If you did not receive sufficient nurturing in childhood, as an adult you may feel an insatiable need, an inability to take joy in others, or a lack of self-worth despite your competency and confidence.

As you develop mindfulness, you find your capacity to be in the moment includes the ability to nurture yourself and others. The practices of loving-kindness, empathetic joy, and compassion can feed your nourishing capacity. Finding teachers who nourish without creating the codependency of excessive mothering can furnish further inspiration and role modeling. Being mindful of the fear is in itself transforming. Observing the thousands of ways in which you are nurtured and nurture others in the greater community also break up the solidity and credibility of your wound's story. Nurturing, as with all the functions, begins with the mindful intention that this is a value, a particular energetic quality, or manner of relating to yourself and others that you wish to cultivate. By giving up clinging to your agenda that nurturing should be a certain way and instead simply staying with your intention, you slowly develop an inner nurturer. In so doing, you will change both your inadequate feelings and your story.

Mother As Protector

The second of the four functions of mothering is protecting. This is the instinctive and cultivated impulse to see that no physical or emotional harm comes to one who is vulnerable. It is symbolized by the warrior or guardian spirit. A child needs to be protected from physical, sexual, and emotional abuse, and from the threat of all three. Ironically, the first persons a child has to be protected from are the mother and father and their destructive impulses. These destructive impulses might take the form of excessive anger or emotional instability, for instance.

There is a subtle aspect of protecting energy that gives the child the incredible gift of feeling intrinsically safe, a feeling of trust in life. Unfortunately, quite frequently a child must try to flourish in a home environment that does not feel safe, even though no overt harm is done. As an adult the individual will often be at a loss to explain the unsafe feelings that plague them.

If you did not receive sufficient protection as a child, as an adult you may feel that there is "no one in your corner." You may have a memory of some traumatic event or environment that recurs during meditation. You may have developed an elaborate compensatory behavior pattern for your anxieties. You may be confused about the discrepancy between your family's "factual history" of your childhood versus the feelings you remember having as a child. For these reasons, in making the mother wound your practice, you focus on the feelings arising at present. They can be worked with, released, and transformed. The past is not so easy to work with. It is comprised of outer and inner events that are now immutable, hazy in recollection, or maybe even inaccurate.

There is no "magic bullet" that will dissipate all your past trauma or create instant feelings of safety. But if you continually bring attention to feelings of fear, loss, and confusion as they are arising and receive those feelings with compassion, they will begin to lose their grip. Gradually you will discover that they come less often, with less intensity, and stay for shorter periods of time.

Mother As Empoweror

The third of the four functions of the mother is empowering the child, encouraging and teaching independence and self-confidence. It is symbolized by the queen, who elevates her subjects and facilitates the beginning of their coming into their own power. The mother uses her royal power over the child with fairness, patience, generosity, and a commitment to preparing her child to become her equal or even to surpass her. The ability to perform this function comes from the mother's own self-confidence and love and from embracing the view that it is her sacred duty to empower her young. Empowering is achieved by encouraging self-reliance and providing education, discipline, and learning opportunities for the child. You are empowered to try, therefore to make mistakes and still be fully accepted. Your interests are met with enthusiasm; the importance and joy of hard work are recognized and encouraged. Failure is treated lightly, while curiosity and integrity are held in high regard.

In fairy tales, when the queen neglects or is afraid to allow the young their power, the kingdom becomes ill and languishes. In real life, this is seen in the mother who neglects or is even afraid of her child becoming powerful, so that a host of problems develop through neglect, constant criticism, or creating dependency.

Sometimes because of over-identification, the mother is willing to empower but insists that her child be like her or succeed in ways that satisfy her own ego. This is a false form of empowerment, a subtle form of enslavement. You may not realize that there is a difference between the functions of nurturing and protecting and that of empowering, but the difference is crucial. With nurturing and protecting the mother is doing for you, whereas the empowering function allows you to find your own power through doing for yourself. With your mother's blessing, you become independent and self-confident.

If you struggle with empowerment, then you may lament your anxiety and ineptitude, your perfectionism, or your unwillingness to try new things. Struggles with self-confidence will be visible in your meditation. It is as though a blessing was withheld, and it is debilitating. Slowly, through your yoga of being fully mindful of the wound, you learn how to give yourself the blessing of unconditional acceptance.

Mother As Initiator

The fourth function of the mother is initiating, and it is the most difficult to understand. It is through acts of initiation that you come to feel as though you are a valuable and welcome member of your family. As you develop, it is this function that provides the inner feeling that your life has meaning, and by the teenage years you understand that you have the right to become the full expression of your own unique life. It is also the initiation function that permits, accepts, and celebrates your leaving home to start your own life.

A girl achieves the inner experience of womanhood by way of initiation by the mother, who does this through how she treats her own womanhood and that of her daughter. The father plays a key role in initiation as well by recognizing the girl's power and her natural right to become a woman. For a boy, it is the father who is the primary initiator into manhood, but it is the mother who recognizes that the boy is leaving her side to enter the company of men. She signals that this is appropriate, not a reason for guilt, and she supports his bringing "mother replacements" in the way of female friends and girlfriends into her house. In welcoming them she acknowledges his independence.

When initiation occurs in a timely and clear manner, it is a beautiful process, though often painful for the parent. Most initiation takes place through symbols, rituals, and unspoken behavior. When it does not occur, there is a sense of guilt, of staying a youth, of not knowing or not feeling entitled to one's place in life. For a mother to be effective in providing initiation, she must have somehow received or found her own. It is the most selfless of all the aspects, for she is encouraging a separation that leaves her without. This initiating power is associated with the shaman, the goddess, the magus, and the medicine woman.

In seeking initiation you may be attracted to teachers who claim superior understanding, who create an impression of having vast authority, thus signaling what is often a false claim that they can initiate. You may frantically want answers in your life, not understanding that initiatory power will come to you if you treat your questions as sacred. It is tempting to surrender your power to a teacher rather than seek a teacher who will initiate you so that you gain self-empowerment.

You may simply want something to happen in your life that signals your aliveness, meaning, and place. It is a call for initiation.

Your experience of the first three functions may have been less than "good enough," therefore you may never have had the momentum to seek initiation.

Likewise, your mother and your father may have suffered from their own lack of initiation such that providing initiation was simply far beyond them.

Throughout human history, the tasks of mothering were shared by members of the extended family, tribal elders, and family friends. The community had rituals that helped in the process, including those that taught you to take comfort in the earth or nature as the Great Mother. Unfortunately, nowadays there is often only a mother and father to do all that needs to be done.

The wounds do not disappear, but they lose much of their charge. They fail to hook your mind and imprison your heart.

https://dharmawisdom.org/teachings/articles/healing-your-mother-or-father-wound

[queercounselor]

I shared this with a friend the other day, but sharing now cause it's something I deal with. At a glance Steven Universe is a cute kids cartoon, but it does a better job at exploring mental health than the majority of adult prime time shows. 

Your main characters learn to cope with complex grief (Pearl), attachment (Amethyst), queer alienation (Garnet), PTSD (Lapis), how to live with neurotypical people (Peridot), borderline personality (Spinel), gender identity (Stevonnie) and on and on. Every character's a case study. The plots are cute, and generally center around being introduced to a "villain" and discovering how to find peace by humanizing them, and validating the villain's pain. The general moral is "bad guys are just good guys in distress." 

I naturally have a queer affinity for Stevonnie, but a lot of that stems from how similar I am to Steven. He's compassionate, loving, and patient (always trying to be understanding), but minimizes his own traumas. These catch up to him as he grows up during the course of the series. Because Steven has "coped" so well by focusing on the positives, his friends are startled when the stress finally gets him. They don't know what to do. 

As a caregiver who has done a lot of my own internal work regarding my own traumas, I find this very relatable. People are startled when I'm triggered by something, because I'm triggered so rarely. Childhood trauma is unique, because we grow up managing our own hypervigilance. This is one reason why people with PTSD and complex PTSD tend to function well when there’s an actual crisis situation, but struggle with day to day stressors. So we learn to cope with our disproportionate reaction to life stressors in unique ways. Lapis is a great example of a traumatized character who dissociates. Her affect appears flat, and she initially feels cold, but in reality there’s a flood of emotions inside her. Pearl is an example of a person traumatized by grief who tries to regulate through control, perfectionism, and compartmentalization. Notice how, throughout the series, Pearl never tells the full story, but it only comes out in bits and pieces when she has to divulge something. As for Steven? He’s just trying his best, the classic “good soldier” singing a song, trying to keep everyone calm.

It's alarming when calm people show fear, anger, or distress. It's also confusing, especially for people who only meet us later in life, since they've only known us as the calm, collected adults. We have the coping skills, and we’re still coping. It’s an ongoing process. 

It’s strange. I've come out of many closets, many times. Disclosing my gender and sexuality is nothing new. But disclosing trauma history is a very different issue, in particular because it tends to expose itself. One of the many reasons I've been thinking about this episode lately.

[ilikekidsshows]

This episode was really interesting in how it played with the characters’ roles. I noticed during the latter part of the fight how Mayura and Cat Noir actually mirror each other in their relationships with Hawk Moth and Ladybug respectively, the devoted supporter in unrequited love. And they both seem to be unrequited not because reciprocating emotions don’t exist, but because there’s a third party involved in the equation with no closure. Emilie is in a coma, meaning Gabriel is stuck in limbo, while Adrien is completely unaware of Marinette’s feelings, meaning she’s in limbo. However, this episode also used mirroring in how it flipped Cat Noir’s and Adrien’s usual behaviors because of the situations they were put in. Cat Noir was especially soft after they lost Sentibug, much like Adrien’s soft underbelly of emotional vulnerability is related to the loss of his mother, while Adrien shows a steely resolve that is usually directed from Cat Noir towards particularly dangerous Akumas.

The swticheroo makes it clear that the difference in how Adrien and Cat Noir carry themselves is very simple: it’s who and what they are facing in any given situation. Cat Noir is in turns goofy and steely, because he’s either facing one of his most important friends, or an enemy out to harm his precious friend. Adrien, meanwhile, is very often in a vulnerable state because his father keeps trying to sabotage his recovery process by denying him coping methods, while also valuing people without anything in particular prompting it, because he knows how fleeting life can be. However, we’ve also seen Adrien be goofy with Plagg and Nino, and he tried that with Marinette in Puppeteer 2, and in this episode we finally saw him face a threat against one of his dearest friends in his civilian persona. Similarly, Cat Noir has always related to people, civilians or Akumas, who’ve struggled with isolation and control and he’s always been immediately welcoming towards any new teammates regardless of his fears of them replacing him. Even in Volpina, before part time heroes were a thing, Cat Noir was the one willing to welcome her into the fold, even as Ladybug acted suspicious and jealous. And in this episode he grew even more attached to Sentibug than Marinette, when Marinette was the one to first realize her right to self-actualization.

Also, is that one throwaway line about the Sentimonster why people think Cat Noir puts Ladybug on a pedestal? She was just being ooh, I’m not a flawless being like sculpted from clay and Cat Noir immediately responded that he knows that, he loves her through everything. He saw her debut. which is still probably the biggest failure she’s ever experienced, and he loves her. Marinette is projecting because her perfectionism is self-directed, meaning she holds herself to an impossible standard of perfection and she takes it as a failure when she never reaches it. It has nothing to do with Cat’s actual feelings or how she thinks he might feel for her. It’s her insecurity talking, plain and simple and, while Adrien can’t make the insecure thoughts silent, he can contradict them when Marinette voices them. To Adrien, supporting Marinette doesn’t mean expecting her to solve every problem, it means helping her solve every problem.

[the-seas-song]

Richard Armitage and Astrology

Hi! I find astrology fascinating, and am an armchair expert on it myself, so I found Richard's comments in his recent Total Film Magazine interview very interesting. This is what he said:

I’ve been incredibly lucky. I’ve dabbled with having my celestial chart looked at every couple of years, just for a little tune-up. Every time, the guy sighs, and goes, “What can I say? You’ve just got a sprinkle of luck.” And I say, “That’s good, because I don’t have the talent, so I really need the luck!”

[cut]

There is a naughty, dark side to me. I am quite strongly affected by the moon. So if there’s a full moon I’ll go a bit crazy. (source)

This isn't the first time Richard's mentioned astrology – he's mentioned being a Leo, reading his daily horoscope, and finding out he was born in the Chinese Year of the Pig; but these were all informal twitter comments. He has also mentioned the effect the moon has on him before, in February 2020:

“Everyone has cycles of positive mental and emotional feelings and negative mental and emotional feelings and I know that I am profoundly affected on a monthly cycle. I always look at the calendar when I'm feeling particularly low and check the lunar cycle to see if it's a full or new moon.” (source)

However, what prompted me to write this is that Richard's personal put-downs were even more direct here than usual; and the connection that has to his natal, or birth, chart.

A little disclaimer: Personally, I think general horoscopes (like the ones you find in magazines) do far more harm than good. They are based solely on the twelve sun signs, and your sun sign is just one puzzle piece out of 25+ pieces that make up your natal chart. This is why many people don't relate to their horoscope or it's personality description.

Your natal chart, however, is a whole different animal. It's an intricate puzzle created by the exact date, time, and location you were born; which is why most people find their natal charts to be scarily accurate.

Back during the Hobbit days, a fan blog reported that Richard told a NZ fan that his birth time was just after 4 a.m. I used 4:05 for this post, and being off by a few minutes doesn't really make a difference.

Richard and self-esteem

I really feel for and relate to Richard's self-esteem struggles, because our charts mirror each other. We are both Leo suns; but I have my moon in Aries with my MC and Chiron conjunct each other in Virgo and sextile my North Node; while Richard has his moon in Virgo with his MC and Chiron conjunct each other in Aries and sextile his North Node.

What on earth does that mean?

Each planet represents a different part of you. The sun represents your ego/conscious self; the moon your emotions, mercury your mind/intellect, venus love and beauty/aesthetics, mars passion and drive, etc.

On top of the twelve planets, there are specific points and asteroids that are also important. Your MC, or Midheaven, represents your career and public persona. Your North Node describes your inner journey and life purpose. The asteroid Chiron describes your major soul wound, that you will be forced to deal with throughout your life.

A conjunction and a sextile are two of several different kinds of aspects. The different kinds of aspects are the different ways your respective puzzle pieces can interact with each other. Some are 'easy/positive' and some 'difficult/negative'. A sextile is considered easy/positive. A conjunction means two things are next to each other and overlap with one another, and is usually considered positive.

Leo and Aries are both fire signs. Fire signs are generally playful, warm, passionate, confident, and optimistic. Virgo is an earth sign. Earth signs are generally practical, grounded, sensual, and logical.

Richard's personality is dominated by an almost equal amount of Leo and Virgo influence, with both his sun (core self) and venus (love and beauty) in Leo and his moon (emotions) and mercury (mind) in Virgo.

Aries and Virgo are said to be the most difficult Chiron signs, because they are the wounds tied directly to your self-worth (Aries is the wound of Self and Virgo is the wound of Perfection). With Aries Chiron you feel a core sense of worthlessness, like you're missing a fundamental piece of your core self. This deeply felt lack of self-worth leads people to be people pleasers and have issues with confrontation and conflict.

Aries rules the planet mars. It is the warrior planet of passion, drive, and combat. A conventional Aries is confident, outgoing, impulsive, and strong willed. Aries and mars are definitely the rowdiest sign and planet in the zodiac. However, with Chiron here the traits are inverted, and so someone like Richard is much more likely to be scared of his inner passion, confidence, and willpower – depending, of course, on what the rest of his chart is like.

That leads us to Virgo. Chiron Virgo feels impure, like there is something fundamentally wrong with them. This kind of low self-esteem makes you feel like you have to constantly try to 'fix' yourself so people will love and accept you. It's an OCD type of perfectionism that only ends in failure and heartbreak.

A good example of how this works is when I talked to my therapist recently. I hadn't quite succeeded in meeting my goals, and so my automatic response was to condemn myself for failing. My therapists immediate response was to congratulate me on how much progress I had made.

Ironically, unlike with Aries, this isn't an inversion of the conventional Virgo. Conventional Virgo is meticulous, detail-oriented, focused, patient, efficient, practical, perfectionistic, systematic, and pessimistic with high expectations. If Aries is the official warrior of the zodiac, Virgo is the official nit-picker.

This means that Richard's subconscious intellectually (mercury) and emotionally (moon) expects and demands perfection, whilst simultaneously feeling fundamentally worthless. In short: ouch.

Interestingly, a significant number of celebrities have their Chiron conjunct their MC. Personally, I think Richard hit the nail on the head as to why in his essay on the Human Condition for Cybersmile:

The answer in my humble opinion, (and believe me it is humble, to a point of taking 43 years to be shared) is actually something which applies to my work as an actor. It’s why sometimes actors are called in to work with therapists, in large corporations, in schools. It’s why drama therapy is fantastic to understand what we do, how we do it and what the outcome might be, and in an improvisation where we aren’t playing ourselves sometimes we explore avenues that are too frightening or unacceptable in our own lives.

[cut]

So going back to my very first point, the “social media society” in which we’d all like to feel safe, supported, excited, creative, spontaneous, innovative, courageous, is really in our own hands. And back to acting, it’s taken me a long time to shake off the effects of bullying in school. That people were always laughing behind my back. I was always looking out of the corner of my eye. I now have incredible peripheral vision which is so useful, (as is Kinesthetic sense…Google it) but try being a brave, experimental, uninhibited actor with all of those hang ups. Wasn’t happening.

So here is the thing, and it’s key to my work and I think ours as a community. When we speak or write, we ultimately desire to ‘affect’. If we aren’t watching the destination of that affect, then how do we know our words have landed and the ‘effect’ they have caused?

[cut]

If I have a strong opinion about something which I want to express I really task myself with backing it up with the ‘why do I feel that?’

Again it’s part of my work building a believable character, and actually part of building a believable ‘me’ outside of my work. Just.. “because that’s what I feel” is a bit of a cop out.

[cut]

As for Bullying, it’s like the moment the pot boils over, or it’s the poisoned stream that can’t be cleansed, so why bother. Well I think that’s what art is for. It’s can support the best and the worst of ourselves. We can ‘attack’ a canvas with black angry paint, we can ‘savage’ a piano keyboard, we can dance until we drop, we can read about a Puritan society who executed elders, we can explore the psychology of a serial killer, and when we can’t do this ourselves we can experience it, and witness it through others.

It’s more than being nice. Edward Munch’s “The Scream” is far from nice. Francisco Goya’s “Saturn” is horrific, Metallica, Die Antwoort etc etc. But then there is Monet, Faure, Renée Fleming, Peter Jackson, Ariana Grande (ok it’s getting a bit eclectic I admit) but when we look, listen and empathize, we tune in to the Human Condition.

We are all part of The Human Condition, whether we like it or not. Social Media. Expression. The Human Condition.

Us human beings are wired for emotion and connection. For actors, their career gives them a way to safely process and explore their personal wounds through the characters they play. For Richard in particular, his mars is conjunct his North Node. So, his mars and North Node are sextile his Chiron and MC.

Remember, Aries (the sign of Richard's Chiron and MC) is ruled by mars. Mars is the warrior planet, like Aries is the warrior sign. This means that Richard's spiritual journey/life's purpose (North Node) deals directly with healing his soul wound so he can accept and embrace his inner confidence and willpower. This explains why he ends up playing a lot of ultra-masculine characters – mars/Aries are the most macho of them all.

This isn't to say I think Richard should change who he is! I wouldn't be interested in him if he was ultra-masculine or macho. However, for his own sake, I would be overjoyed to see him gain more self-esteem and inner confidence.

Extrapolating from my own personal experiences, the constant criticism and judgement I received during my adolescence from my peers and various authority figures (like family members and teachers) for being unconventional and 'over the top' caused me to turn on myself and repress my passion and will-power for several years. I think it's highly likely that Richard experienced this too.

Here are some quotes from Richard that illustrate everything I've been talking about (emphasis is mine):

Armitage is still notably handsome, but, within minutes of meeting him, it’s apparent how incongruous it is that this bookish, sensitive, self-described ‘melancholic, philosophically-minded softie’ and ardent fan of The Great British Bake Off was cast as beefcake killer totty for a considerable part of his career. ‘It’s ridiculous. It’s the complete opposite to who I am. I’m such a pacifist,’ he laughs. ‘But then, part of me always felt: “Well, isn’t that why we’re actors?”

[cut]

'I think the turning point was losing my mum,” he says. “Up until that point, I felt like I mustn’t put a foot wrong, that if I said the wrong thing or revealed too much about my personal life, it could all come crashing down, and it would come down on my parents, and they wouldn’t be proud of me anymore.” He shrugs. “Now that I’m past that I’m actually much more carefree about the choices I make.” (source)

Richard Armitage puts his head in his hands and emits a noise that's somewhere between a sigh, a laugh and a groan. “Oh no! Why would you want to pin this up?” he says with a horrified whisper.

[cut]

Never has a man seemed more ill at ease with the heartthrob label. He squirms with embarrassment in his chair every time the subject comes up. He is grateful for the loyalty of his fans, he says, but worries that “there is this thing of, 'Is he just totty?' Because the industry will sometimes write you off as a serious actor if they think that. I have always been conscious of that and fought against it, because I don't really see myself like that at all.”

[cut]

This brings us back to Astrov, who looks so relentless towards the future that he can't see the truth in front of his eyes. “It's interesting that he's an outsider in the play. I've often felt like that myself in life. I'm quite a solitary person. I enjoy my time with me, and sometimes it's not necessarily healthy, because I can talk myself into quite a dark place.

I'm an optimist, but at the same time, there's a discipline in me that will attack me for not working hard enough, not achieving enough, not being good enough. You always think, 'I'll grow out of that. With success, those voices will disappear.' But they don't, they get louder. I suppose I'm learning a bit about myself through Astrov.” (source)

The answer in my humble opinion, (and believe me it is humble, to a point of taking 43 years to be shared) is actually something which applies to my work as an actor. … And back to acting, it’s taken me a long time to shake off the effects of bullying in school. That people were always laughing behind my back. I was always looking out of the corner of my eye. I now have incredible peripheral vision which is so useful, (as is Kinesthetic sense…Google it) but try being a brave, experimental, uninhibited actor with all of those hang ups. Wasn’t happening. (Human Condition essay)

So I kind of travelled on that line for a while, and I was bullied for it as well. The problem with me is that as soon as you try to push me down or say “you can’t do this” and “I don’t think you should do that”, I immediately push back. So I did – I’d decided really young that I was going to try to make a career out of it.

[cut]

Actually, there was something I wanted to add to what Shaun said, about inclusivity, is that um, no matter how – how much confidence you have or how, in my case, lack. Y’know, I always felt like a misfit, or an oddball, or that I didn’t belong. But I always – I always told myself that ‘you exist in the world, so therefore there’s a place for you in this industry’. I think anybody who feels like, “I can’t become an actor because…” – you exist. And, y’know, the job of filmmakers is to write about our life and society, and if you are a part of that, then there’s a place for you in the industry. (source)

I'm a bit of a brooder. I don't like confrontation, so I think I suppress things. When my temper does come out, it goes all the way – the kind of temper you can't apologize for. Yep, the chair getting thrown out of the window. Those emotions are scary, but hey, they come in useful when you're acting. (source)

Armitage is a noticeably calm presence but he talks with passion.

[cut]

In the past, he has described himself as a shy person. “Not any more,” he says forcefully. “I mean… if I’m very, very honest, I’m a big guy, I think I’m at times quite a frightening person.”

In what way?

“I think I’m quite uncompromising. I can’t bear bulls---. And in a way the shyness is me protecting other people from that. I can feel that there’s an intimidation that can happen if I own my full height, and speak at my full volume. So I’ve learned over the years to just tone it all down a bit.” (source)

I've become one of those actors who find it difficult to say no when things are offered. I think if I had come out of drama school and been an instant Hollywood superstar I would be taking long, leisurely holidays. But I always feel somehow it's going to be taken away from me so I work when I can. When you struggled with work as I did when I left drama school you make hay when the sun shines. There was a time when I thought, and my agent thought, it wasn't going to happen for me. We both sat down and I actually said I don't know if I can stay in this state. The interesting roles have only come since I got into my 30s. But I didn't know that was going to happen. I'm a bit of an all or nothing kind of guy. To be honest, I had no blind faith in myself. I don't think I could have stayed around as a jobbing actor. I would probably have quit. Who knows? I think I would have found that too frustrating. But at the moment when I thought I was going to quit, something happened and it all changed again. (source)

[talking about being cast in the Hobbit]

There was a little bit of guidance as to what they were looking for. I felt that I was too young for the character, too tall for that character, so I thought, you know, ‘I’ll just look at the scene they’ve written’. And then I realised the essence of the character that they were aiming for. So I went to meet Peter and Phillipa and we read some of the scenes. I think we spent an hour-and-a-half talking about the character and what their vision was, and I sort of explained who I thought he was, and that was it.

[cut]

Yeah, my first instinct, whenever that kind of thing happens, is to say, 'Well what's wrong with the part? Why did nobody else want it'? Which is kind of the story of my life really. When I get offered something, I'm like, 'Well there must be something wrong with it if they're offering it to me!'

[cut]

But you know, the thing is, you talk about all of this: ‘How did you get the role? And how did it feel when you got the role?’ And once all that’s died down you start to think, ‘I’ve actually got to go and play this now’. They’ve trusted me. Everyone’s happy, everyone’s celebrated, the phones have gone down and the deal’s been done. Now it’s over to me to make the role work. And that’s the scariest moment, because you do have that elation and then the work begins and you think, ‘How the hell am I going to do this?’ (source)

How was it for you taking on this beloved role, this character that has such a huge responsibilty on his back? Could you relate in some ways?

Richard Armitage: Yeah. There is always building within him this paranoia that he’s not a good enough leader, and that weighs him down. I have experienced that same feeling as an actor in this role. And I was aware of taking on the responsibility of that character, so there was something I could latch onto there, as one of the people who loved ‘The Hobbit’ book and had envisioned that character. It took me a while to be convinced that I could do it, it wasn’t until I saw some sketches, this one particular pencil sketch….there was something about this characters eyes and the way that his hands are crossed, I thought, “I think I can do this, I can pull this off.” (source)

Q: I wanted to ask you about what your Arkenstone is. For you personally.

A: Me personally?

Q: And I meant for this to be materialistic. What's the thing that you covet so much that it makes you mad that you don't have it?

A: Well, it's actually not material. It's not material, and it's – (laughs) You want a comedy answer, don't you? But it's respect. It's the thing that always eludes you, you know. You have to fight for it and when you get it, your arkenstone, the thing that crowns you, is respect.

Q: And also a sweater.

A: And a sweater. I do have this little natty number.

Q: It's a good one man.

A: Tom Ford made this personally. But hey, he can have it back. I don't covet wealth and material. (source)

Q6: You’ve done a variety of different roles, I wonder what influences you to pursue those roles?

R: More often than not, you go where you’re wanted. So getting hired is still kind of a revelation to me, a shock and a surprise. Sometimes you have very flat periods, where I don’t really care what comes next, I just want to work on something. I feel like I’ve got a little cloud of luck over my head so the right thing always seems to come along. But again, I’m easily excited about literature and stories, so I’ve always said I don’t really pursue glory, I’d happily do acting for two people in my living room if it was a role that I really enjoyed with a story I’d really like to tell. So it’s chance, I would say.

[cut]

Q8: Once in an interview about Thorin, you were asked what your arkenstone was and your answer was respect. I like this answer a lot. So I was wondering what’s your red dragon? As you said yesterday he’s a character who sheds his skin, improves, and becomes something. I was wondering if there was something you’d like to improve, become?

R: I guess the antithesis of that is disrespect. Do you mean in myself?

Q8: Yes.

R: Yeah I try not to be too disrespectful. I guess I value the truth. I think we’re living at a time at the moment where the truth is warped and there’s a word that’s been in my head for a long time, and particularly recently it’s come to the surface. When I was studying Macbeth, at the RSC, I read a long thesis about the gunpowder plot, which was one of the things they thought that Shakespeare (or whoever Shakespeare was) was stimulated by to write Macbeth. And the word equivocation was used in this thesis, it was actually about equivocation and what equivocation is. And if you look it up in the dictionary, at the moment most politicians are equivocating. When you don’t answer a question, or you bend the truth to make it seem like you are answering the question, and in fact you’re telling a lie. So I would say my red dragon would be equivocation.

[cut]

Then there was the physical form that I was studying and observing, but also, I do sometimes enjoy locking myself away in a room and reading a book or just doing something alone, and you sometimes can go a couple of days without speaking to anybody. I don’t know whether anyone else experiences this or whether I’m just a weirdo. But I find that when that happens my voice changes, and I always forget how to make a noise, I have to do a warm-up before I go into the world and start speaking again.

[cut]

Q15: I was wondering if you ever had to pull out of a project because it felt wrong or something, and what is the point where you say “nope I can’t do this”?

R: Um, no. But that’s partly to do with the fact that I have a lot of loyalty, probably too much loyalty for my own good, really, and there’ve been moment when I’ve been on board a project, and actually it happened this year with The Lodge, I was already on board that project and something else came along which was bigger and better and brighter and more money, and your agent says “look we can pull you out of The Lodge, they can probably recast it,” and here I think “I’ve already started this process, I don’t want to let people down,” and I don’t have a problem with that at all, I never have any regrets over the things that you miss or the things that you decide not to do, I think there’s a strong enough reason why you’ve decided not to do it, but in general no I haven’t ever pulled out of something. There was one television show I remember, I’m not going to say what it is, but after the first readthrough, I did call my agent and asked, “can I get out of this?” And then he quickly got back to me and said, “don’t do it. Don’t build a reputation built on disloyalty.” So I try not to.

[cut]

Q18: I think you are very handsome, but your character Francis hated the way he looked, how did that make you feel?

R: Francis hated the way he looked? Yeah. I guess there is something we relate to in that. Without getting too personal, I don’t always enjoy looking at myself in the mirror. I don’t do it very often, to be honest. I do it just to be sure I don’t have food on my face. I do it in character, actually. I do spend a bit of time studying my own face when I’m playing a character, which is interesting because your face does change. (source)

He cannot see the handsomeness: “I think I am odd-looking. I have big lines on my forehead.” I squint, looking for them, but he is talking over me, sounding slightly panicked. “I shouldn’t draw attention to it, because then everyone else will see the oddness.”

[cut]

Laziness is what makes him angry: “Laziness in myself. Laziness in other people. And dishonesty. All things I feel capable of myself. I have a propensity to be lazy and lie about it. Fear makes me rageful. There are words in The Crucible I actually find it quite hard to say.” I beg for an example — The Crucible is in the public domain. “No,” he says, “you’ll see it in the play.” I tell him it will make no sense in print if he will not tell me. But he won’t. So I change the subject. It works. “OK, I will give you a line.” He inflates a little and says: “Is there no good penitence but it be public?” And then: “Were I stone I would have cracked for shame this seven month.” (source)

Q: How would you describe your evolution as an actor since you started?

A: I think everything has to do with the fact that today I’m not afraid anymore. At first, I was embarrassed to do something wrong or do things badly or make myself ridiculous. Today, I am almost looking for opportunities to be ridiculous or vulnerable or to make as much of a mistake as possible. In a sense, it’s now the opposite of being undercover.

Q: Are you the actor you dreamed of being when you started?

A: Not yet. I am not yet fearless enough. It’s in waves, actually. But I have already approached this dream. There were moments, especially during Arthur Miller’s The Crucible, which I performed on stage, where I felt I had no control over things. That’s what I’m looking for: to lose control.

Q: You often play bad guys. What do you like in these characters?

A: I like disobedience. I like the fact that you can be disobedient thanks to your creativity. As a person, I must always be polite in life, be careful and correct so as not to hurt anyone. In a fantasy world, I can be as offensive as I want. It’s an outlet. (Laughter)

[cut]

Q: Many actors are moving to directing. Is this also your goal?

A: I would like to, but I do not think I’m smart enough. I am good when it comes to working with another’s vision. I do not think I have that creative spontaneity that creates a vision from scratch. But the future will tell. (source)

I applaud Richard for being so open and direct about his fears and insecurities. It takes a lot of bravery to do so. And while I've seen some fans get annoyed with his continual self-deprecation, I think his honesty and openness is much more significant, and shows his inner strength. He doesn't try to pretend to be someone he's not.

He recently described himself as “patient, obsessive, and silly” (source). The patient part is classic Virgo, and the obsessive part comes from an element of his natal chart that I have not mentioned.

The silly part, however, is classic Leo. Like I said above, he has an almost equal amount of Leo and Virgo in his personality. Personally, I'm proud to be a Leo, but I also know we get misunderstood a lot of the time. I wrote the following for an essay of mine on Leos in Disney:

Your sun sign represents your core identity. Just like the physical sun is the center of the solar system and its energy creates life, the astrological sun is our consciousness and life force. Each of the twelve sun signs are ruled by a different planet and element.

Since Leo is the fixed fire sign, we don't inherit the reckless and impulsive nature of fire, but instead are a steady flame. No sign is more reckless and impulsive than Aries, because they have the double combination of being a cardinal sign and a fire sign. Meanwhile, all four of the fixed signs struggle with stubbornness and admitting when their wrong.

Leo's are well known to be natural leaders and the rulers of the zodiac. We are ruled by the sun and our animal is the lion. We dream big and are born with big personalities, and we can't help but be theatrical and dramatic. This means we are always self-centered in the sense of being strong-willed and having a strong sense of self. It does not mean all Leos are egotistical.

Unhealthy Leo traits all revolve around the ego: attention-seeking, egotistical, selfish, bossy, controlling, pushy, jealous, possessive, lazy, vain, arrogant, aggressive, and obstinate.

Healthy Leos, however, are known for our fire-based traits – being animated, theatrical, happy, outgoing, independent, competitive, charismatic, creative, open-minded, open-hearted, confident, assertive, playful, warm, social, courageous, idealistic, affectionate, romantic, optimistic, and adventurous.

What isn't often talked about is our steadiness, our fixed-based traits. Leos are authentic, steadfast, fiercely loyal and protective, consistent, persistent, full-hearted, dedicated, need to do their best, generous and selfless, honorable and moral, genuine and direct, extremely supportive, hard-working and responsible, dignified, strong-willed, and ambitious and determined.

Something that is often mentioned but highly misunderstood is our trait of courage. Having courage doesn't mean you're fearless or reckless. The definition of courage is “the power or quality of dealing with or facing danger, fear, pain, etc.” It means that instead of running away from our problems or denying our emotions; healthy Leos face them and be genuine and direct with ourselves, embracing our vulnerability.

Having a big personality doesn't necessarily mean someone has a big ego. C.S. Lewis once said, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less.” Leos have huge hearts and are incredibly generous. The sun never goes retrograde, always shines, and gives life and energy to all living beings – it isn't selective or discriminatory. Healthy Leos are like mini suns; which is why we are also irrepressibly upbeat, optimistic, and fun-loving.

We're not pushovers. We are like roses – we have both flower petals and thorns. If you mess with someone we love you're going down. We're too loyal and protective to let major things slide; and even if we forgive, we never forget. Little things? We'll try to work them out with you.

Being naturally strong-willed and assertive is healthy – it just means we usually make horrible subordinates and yes people. There's nothing wrong with having high standards and being open about them. In fact, in relationships it's far better in the long run to open and frank about what you need and what you consider a dealbreaker from the beginning.

And oh yes are we ambitious and competitive – but most often with ourselves. We're natural leaders who always dream and think big. For a healthy Leo it's not about being the best, but doing your best. We have to be grand and intense, we're ruled by the sun. It's all or nothing for us. Settling is not something a Leo does. We need to be the best leader, the best friend, the best partner, etc. that we possibly can.

Also, in astrology each sign rules a different body part, and Leo rules the heart and upper back.

Adding to this, Leos are known as the Kings/Queens of the zodiac not because we're egotistical, but because our sun sign is the sun. It's like a double amount sun. I could go into significantly more detail about this, but it involves a lot of technical astrological details; so if anyone wants to know more just message me!

Going back to Richard, having his core self (sun) and love/beauty (venus) in Leo explains why he is an actor and artist; and why he is often warm, silly, and dramatic when he feels comfortable – his long interview with The Anglophile Channel (and it's deleted scenes) does a great job of showing the synergy between his Leo and Virgo sides.

We see Richard express the heartfelt, generous, sincere, and honorable side of Leo all the time. This is why I'm sure he has the inner-confidence and strength hidden within him to overcome the deep pain his Chiron causes him (like it does to us all). I hope he continues to find projects and people that help him on his journey to heal.

Thank you for reading this, I'm wishing him and you all the best. Take care!

[floralovebot]

I read your timmy/riven/helia headcanons and I LOST IT hahahaha I love it! I just got curious about that sad headcanon you mentioned about helia (I think about his past?)? Like you have said, like other people I project into him a lot so he's my favorite and wanted to know about that hc cuz now I can't stop thinking about it 🙊

AHH A FELLOW HELIA STAN MY BELOVED!!! HI!!!!

okay so,, i'd like to preface this with a couple things. 1. it's based off of a rewrite that i've had in my head since i was like, 10 and i'm never actually gonna write/post it kldhglahdgl. 2. i want to explain why i came up with this backstory and headcanon! cause ik anyone who isn't a helia stan or at least really likes him, probably won't understand (not in a gatekeepy way but in a "this character is so underdeveloped that if you haven't paid attention to every little thing about them you probably won't immediately catch on to the thought process behind this" kind of way).

So,,,, oh dear okay first no one is allowed to judge me. if you judge i'm gonna cry >:(

When I was trying to come up with Helia's backstory, a lot of different ideas went through my mind. Naturally being a Helia stan, I first went with the "he grew up at red fountain" route! But then I realized I wanted something with a little more umph, and as I realized certain things about him, growing up at RF (red fountain) didn't immediately make sense? At least,, not completely... You see, Helia is a major perfectionist (we've covered this in past lessons) and a major escapist. Something that stands out about him though, is that everyone we've seen that knew him for a long time (ie family members or childhood friends) are extremely supportive of him and understanding of mistakes (even bigger ones).

Helia's escapism has a direct connection to his perfectionism, ie if he makes a mistake, no matter how small or inconsequential, he freaks out and leaves. Something that makes him slightly different from other, similar characters though, is that his perfectionism only has to do with himself (usually). He doesn't worry about what other people think of him, only about the guidelines he's set for himself. So, if he makes a mistake that crosses those guidelines or rules, that's when he gets upset and leaves. (I honestly think him leaving RF for art school the first time could've been a product of this, though that's heavily just thinking and not canon).

While anyone can be a perfectionist and escapist without any big reason, I really wanted to explain why Helia is like that. His issues in particular seem more based on fear and invisible rules than just feeling inadequate (like some of the other escapists in the group... ahem bloom ahem). One thing that really stood out to me, was the arc in the comics where he left the school for a third time because he made a mistake on a mission that almost cost Brandon and Codatorta their lives. He let emotions and personal life get in the way of what he was doing and that allowed someone to mess with their ship, causing a malfunction that almost killed them. Helia, instead of trying to figure out what happened, immediately resigned from the school because "a good specialist wouldn't have done that". He places these almost impossible standards on his entire life, both personal and work-related. And again, while that can happen to anyone, the level he does this at is so much higher than the other characters (even the royals who are notorious for doing this).

I want to preface this next bit with I'm a dumb bitch who's obsessed with apocalyptic media. So like,, the backstory I came up with is that his planet basically got overrun with monsters born from wild/dark magic and that most people died in the chaos. This happens when he's very young and he only survives because he had adults taking care of him. Eventually, he would get separated from his family and come across another group of survivors are willing to bring him along. He ends up bonding with a young woman who he essentially uses to replace his mom (cause yknow,, kids need parents and all). At some point, they're looking for food or medical supplies and he makes a mistake (likely making a loud noise or something) that draws monsters to them. The young woman saves him and in the process sacrifices herself. Cue survivor's guilt that transforms into extreme perfectionism. After this, he would run away and eventually Codatorta finds him because specialists were sent to find survivors. Cue him growing up at RF where he can get the proper training but he's too young to go on missions. This sparks the perfectionism and starts the escapism. (Not even gonna pretend that this backstory isn't heavily inspired by tlou and twdg.)

I also wanted a reason for why he's so heavily protective of Saladin, a very strong wizard who's been in countless wars and by all means, doesn't need protection. Like,, obviously they're family so duh. But idk,, his protectiveness of Saladin tends to overshadow his own life (for instance in the comics I mentioned earlier, Helia only comes back to RF because he had to help save Saladin and in the process gives up his job as an artist). I wanted to explain why Helia is such a good specialist but is also constantly trying to get away from that life (ie he grew up there and doesn't want to live in war constantly). I also wanted to explain why Helia seems so unphased when things happen! Like he just,, he shows emotions, but they're so subdued compared to everyone else.

OKAY ANYWAY,, jeez this is long already (and I condensed it... I have an entire google doc that explains all of this in a much more eloquent way). The trivelia headcanon was about Helia feeling comfortable sharing these things with them. He would bond with Riven specifically over not knowing/having family. Over the years, Helia would share just the tiniest little tidbits here and there about what happened (this apocalypse coincided with the Domino war and as such no one helped them. the Magix news centers kept pushing this issue aside to the point where a lot of people don't even know it happened) and how he feels about it. Like I've said before, Helia has a hard time talking about his life and especially his emotions. So Riven and Timmy (and Flora :) ) would really be the only ones who get to hear these tidbits. Eventually, Helia would have to go back because there are rumors that the monsters are trying to spread to other planets. Timmy would be his main source of communication when he's there as the others wouldn't be allowed to go (since they aren't native to the planet and could be in danger with the wild magic around [.. things happened to the first specialists that got sent... not good things]). (Also not gonna lie that the monsters are heavily inspired by the aliens in a quiet place.. In the google doc, I have an entire section dedicated to the monsters alone alkgdldajg).

.... this is so long.........

[jean-does-not-have-a-horseface]

Before Dawn ~Pt3~

Please enjoy part three bc part four is coming sooner than you think 👉👈

@hidehaskak here is your tag sweetheart, as promised

Warnings: none I think

Shaggy Hair

After that eventful night of your past concerning confessions you find yourself hanging out in Levi's office almost every evening after the curfew bells ring. It's sort of an unspoken bond even; you catch up to him after dinner with panted breaths and you offer him a cup of tea in exchange of his company, a simple deal he never turns down.

Thus this night so far is not different than the others. You're sitting with a straight back on his loveseat couch and sip on your tea while staring at nothing in particular. Your eyes often travel to Levi's direction, who's turned his back on you to work on his paperwork. His form is illuminated by the soft, warm candle light that flickers now and then by sudden wintery breezes of air that burst through slits in the windows making his onyx hair, that fall in teeny v shaped strands on the nape of his neck, sway.

Your train of thoughts travels to your hair next, inevitably finding yourself comparing to Levi and his level of perfectionism. In the past few months it's gotten way longer, shaggier than your usual maintenance length, something that you don't particularly regret, but it gives you the urge to seek a change. Maybe looking like another version of you will help you feel better, refreshed even.

"What are you thinking about? You sure are abnormally silent tonight " Levi, even though he wishes you were more talkative, understands you are a quiet, peace loving person. Sometimes you only hum in response to his words and then apologize because you don't want him to think you're brushing him off, even though he's aware that's not the case. But this moment, it's rather different. There's something off in particular about your current behavior that he can sense without even having to turn around.

With knees curled up to your chin you only bubble in response. "Nothing, maybe I just need a haircut. That's all."

This time he turns his chair around to look at you, one hand strongly grabbing the wooden edge to support his whole weight. He looks at you in a rather strange way and you don't know why but you feel weird. As you expect of him to come up with some sarcastic remark about him not being a damned barber you watch as his expression softens by each passing second. His eyebrows don't furrow anymore, as per usual and his orbs seem dilated in an amusement expressing way.

"Come to think of it, it's nice having your hair down your shoulders as the wind hits you right?"

You simply nod in response, your top lip feeling stuck to your bottom one. With ogling eyes you watch as Levi gets up from his chair and walks to the direction of the couch you're sat at. He sits himself down, softly, as if not to disturb you and crosses his right leg over his left one. It's in the swift of a move that his left palm shoots to the crook of your neck where your hair rests, before stopping absurdly, inches before your strands.

"You look nice.. with your hair down, that being said what I mean is-" His usual, cold, silverly blue eyes soften by each passing second they spend fixated on your form. You're puzzled by the fact that he's looking at you like this, whatever that look's indicating is something you try to convince yourself you're oblivious to.

"You like saying that being said right?" You question. Momentarily you probably don't think about what the fact that you're picking up small details about him means, but unbeknownst to you, he's taken aback.

No one has ever taken time to notice small things about him, seeing his cold and unresponsive, insensitive facade that threw everyone off. It was his form of emotional self defense and seeing someone so easily see through his walls or even be able to break holes in them was somewhat a new feeling he had yet to adjust to.

The hand that reaches for your loose strands of hair finally finds a spot at the top of your head, through your shaggy front bangs. A sigh escapes your mouth and adjusts your lips into a playful pout, much to Levi's liking. Maybe he won't admit it but he's kind of mesmerized by the way your (e/c) colored eyes look in this dim lit moment.

Upon seeing his lack of response and startled expression you assume you've taken things too far. Supposing he's still your superior officer even after curfew, you've acted very disrespectfully by sassing him out on a noble habit of his. The hand that rests on your head might show otherwise, you know it's a solid response of affection but you choose to actively blind yourself from it. There's no way you're looking at him with the same adoration he's looking at you and your heart painfully throbs at that.

Whether it's too early on in your acquaintance, or because you fear that everything's in vain, or even because you like to belittle yourself out of pure habit, you cannot accept that this man can look at you in a different, warmer even, light.

Thus, with a cough that throws his hand away and an apology you excuse yourself before he manages to respond, or probably assign you with any extra duty for the week. He's unpredictable with his reactions, that you know for sure you can't close your eyes on.

_____

"You want me to to smoke, come again, tea with you?"

This is, ridiculous, to say at least. Henning and Tomas are really going out of their way for the latter to make an astonishing move on you, much to their avail and it's kind of pathetic, but you're in no place to judge. You've tried to stop the duo way too many times for all the sanity you've got.

"Exactly!"

"No!" You poorly exclaim "Plus the corporal is going to end us if he finds out! This is tea we're talking about."

"Oh stop being so hung upon that man and have a little fun with us. You don't have to smoke, just join us."

Your chest feels heavy at the mention of Levi's name. Either Tomas and Henning are stalking you or the girls are gossiping way too much about where you're lost at almost every single night. Neither of them are going to understand that you're only befriending the stoic, newly entitled corporal, instead of seducing him. Plus Tomas would be terribly heartbroken were you in a place to admit to anything you've started to feel about the raven haired man.

"Why don't you have fun with Gelgar?" Your arms unfold from the bound you've forced them into under your bussom in defeat as you examine the looks on both of your friends' faces. Joining them in their fun never hurt anyone. Naturally the next thing you find your self doing is sitting outside their barracks silently giggling to Tomas' childhood story about trying to ride a running chicken.

Henning's arms wrap around both you and Tomas, bringing you closer, while he throws his head back in a rather loudly exhaled laughter. You often wonder what your life would be without all the people you've come across, better yet your family like friends. In moments like these you feel as if your whole life has been filled with friends and fun.

"Stable duty until further notice"

The eerily stern voice that shakes you off your thoughts belongs to no other than Levi himself, who's standing right behind Henning with his hand covering his face in frustration. So much for not wanting to get caught and have a little fun.

_____

"Ah fuck" Your sigh surely catches Levi's attention as you bury your head in your palms in annoyance and defeat. He's unsure whether letting you off the hook or not is the right choice to make as he's got no idea what being lenient with cadets is going to do to him as a corporal. His mind is strangely often caught up on what his duties as a corporal should be, even though they shouldn't be any different than the one of the notorious thug in the underground.

Nonetheless not only does he have to adjust to being a military higher up, he also has to cope up with youngsters, who enjoy disobeying just out of hormonal spite. As if paperwork is not taking a toll on him as well, you really have to make him face you as a superior after having just punched a place in his non military related life.

He throws a soft, alarming kick at crook of your back, paying extra care in not actually hurting you. In turn you feel the tickling on his leather covered foot dance on your cold skin, signaling you to stand up from your sitting position.

"What was that?" He sighs. "Laps until dawn."

"What? I wasn't the one smoking!"

Your voice pierces his ears when you loudly whine out and for a fragment of a second he can't believe his ears. He takes an intimidating step towards you and watches as your chests almost collide as he looks at you with a soul crushing stare.

"I hope you like tunning because you're not stopping until I think you've got it through your thick skull that you should stand up for your comrades. Not only your self!"

"But!"

Levi, even tough he wants to be mad at whatever you're pulling with him, feels his will leave his body by looking your form up and down. With one foot scratching the ground behind the other, hands crossed behind your back and a guilt driven averted gaze you're making him not want to be harsh on you. You're leading him on to make a decision to your liking, with the way you slowly come close to him, making his heart skip a beat inside its skeleton prison. Almost, lustfully he watches as you rip a chapped piece of flesh from your lips with your teeth, causing blood to rush and puff them up. It may all have happened in a second but to him it felt like a torturous eternity of being stripped of any strict will he had against you.

But he shouldn't give in. Whether you're doing this on purpose or not, he won't give in. You're acting like a pleading puppy and he knows that giving in is going to disconcert his title. He should make known to you that he calls the shots in the professional relationship between the two of you, so with a deep breath that fills his lungs of oxygen and scrunches his nostrils wide open he reaches his hand under your chin and positions your head to his eye level.

Tomas and Henning are watching wide, surprise ridden eyes as the corporal puts his hands on your chin and burns hole into your face. Tomas is almost taking a step forward, unsure of what this gesture between the shorter man and you means, ready to jump into the situation to take your side at any given time. Levi definitely notices the tention in the air, but he never lets go of your chin, he never breaks eye contact either.

"You expect to be treated differently by pleading like a dog after acting like a child. I'm not punishing you for that. Im punishing you for disrespecting curfew, your superior and putting your personal profit before your team's. Now, start running."

In the blink of an eye the mesmerizing moment the two of you have shared is gone like an overused burnt out candle. Levi suddenly feels the frozen breeze of the night engulf him and decides to stand tall to his legs before gesturing to the two other males that they should take off to their barracks to which they respond with a reluctant nod. Tomas' throat tightens and his chest stiffens as he passes him by but Levi chooses to ignore it.

With an almost mechanical shift of a movement he falls with his back on the wooden barrack wall and crosses his arms on his chest in casual manner. The rest of the night is spent with him watching over as you pantingly run around the dirty soil, running tireless laps with sparring him the occasional death glare.

______

Your legs can't hold the weight of your body as you wait for Mike to reply to your knocking on his door. You don't have it in you. Your muscles spasm in spurs that run down your knees and come back in before you even manage to blink.

The familiar flash of golden hair blurs your vision as you look up to your squad leader the moment he opens the door to let you in. It's safe to say he doesn't want to endure whatever odor your skin's emitting right now, the salty drops of sweat you've wiped of your face are not an indicator that you've stopped reeking of the disgusting smell. Thus, Mike can immediately tell that something is somewhat wrong with you and he demands an explanation.

"Well Le- Captain Levi punished me for violating curfew, disrespecting him, and putting myself before of my comrades. He will come to check with you on my situation, he said."

Mike sighs and he closes his eyes at the hearing of your words, considering Levi's newly profound liking in giving you harsh punishments. It throws him off, in a way. You're a good soldier, Levi wearing you down excessively, should be off limits, and even if you do lack some basic discipline it's only in moments when you don't know how to act.

"Ah, look, Levi must have had a reason to punish you."

"I promise sir, I was whining about my punishment." You scoff, feelings your legs tremble with each passing minute.

"I know you weren't." He assures you. A knock can be heard before the door opens, only to reveal Levi walking towards Mike's office in all his might.

"Speak of the devil, you'll be joining Levi on the next training mission in the mountains. Both you and him haven't received that particular training and I don't like that you lack this from your papers. I'm not taking any chances with you on your survival either, you're a good soldier."

For the thousandth time today, you let out a deep sigh. Your eyes stare deep into Levi's bored ones as you try to bring your hands to salute your commanding officers. Your mind refuses to acknowledge your wish though, your shaky hands fall limp on both sides of your body so you chose to simply nod. Your body relaxes in the depths of the chair you're sat at, ignorant to whoever is watching. You can't physically bring yourself to care about the consequences of your actions before your superiors.

If Mike sees the way Levi's tense eyes watch your panted breaths go in and out of your heavy chest he never speaks a word.

My requests are open so you know what to do if you want to see more of my writing ❤️ thank you for reading I appreciate you very much