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hcnnibal · 9 days ago

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and what qualities does a1 fear having assigned to him?

a1 thinks about what people are thinking about him all the time so the list is quite long:

-uneducated and/or dumb

-poor

-unattractive/undesirable/unpopular

-behind on trends

-weird/unpleasant/out of place

-his authority not being recognized

-incompetent/inexperienced

#like he has a lot superficial stuff he is concerned about #and i think most importantly #he doesnt want to be seen as a victim #his need for control is so great #that he has to assume responsibility for everything that has happened to him #a1/a2 #asks

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 year ago

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I'm sorry I let down my guard.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #xue yang #xiao xingchen #God DAMN this scene was brutal. Season 2 episode 2 is almost nothing but misery and anguish #Helena by Nickle Creek does not quite fit the comic's vibe but it is absolutely a Xue Yang song so I linked it.#The change from “Helena don't walk away...(gentle)” to “HELENA. DON'T WALK AWAY (threat)” is fantastic.#And “Don't waste your pretty sympathy - I'll always be just fine”. Xue Yang core.#Okay now for the real meat. Disclaimer first: *I really like XY.* I think he's a great character. I think his actions consistently-#come from a place of deep trauma. While his reactions and actions put him in a villainous role he is still human about his hurt #and what I'm about to say is NOT intended to be a statement of causality or villianize a group of misunderstood people.#So with that said...Man oh man does Xue Yang have a lot of BPD traits. More that just 'character who is chronically manipulative'.#The impulsivity and emotional reactions and seeking stability makes him feel like he needs that control. What other choice is there?#The part that really gets me is how he *wants* to be safe and happy. But his past experiences tell him how thats impossible #He's the kind of person who goes 'if you don't like me then you better hate me for something substantial". All (pos) or All (neg)#''Love me entirely or Hate me. But don't you dare leave me or forget about me.''#Not at all comfortable saying 'BPD coded'. Im not a psychiatrist. Just that he has TRAITS. Feel free to disagree or add your thoughts.#ppl with bpd also are not a monolith and everyone has very different experiences. Xue yang is very complex. People more so.

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science-lings · 21 days ago

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I have very specific thoughts about Bruce's 'childhood' and how he tried to do things differently with Dick than what happened with him because of how badly it affected him. He knows what it's like to have everything change so fast and to be so angry but too young to actually do anything about it.

I can see him making sure Dick doesn't get too close of a look at his parents because Bruce remembers being stuck with his parent's corpses until the police got there, all alone with no other way to call for help than screaming. I can see him hiding Dick from the flashing cameras and hiding any newspapers about the 'story' so that Dick doesn't have to see how the press spins everything. Bruce has that picture of himself sitting shellshocked from the ambulance on the front page and he knows how violating that felt, how publicized his trauma was, even if he can't completely prevent it for Dick he can do his best to make it hurt less.

Bruce suffered being helpless for years, being so angry at Gotham and the world and not having a good outlet for it, he had no control over anything that was happening with him, so with DIck he knows how important being Robin became because he knows how becoming Batman felt for him. Bruce got into fights because he couldn't hold his anger in and had to turn that anger inward in fear that Alfred would get sick of him and leave too. Robin was a productive outlet, even if it was a dangerous one, but who knows what would've happened to him if he didn't have it? He already got that taste of freedom and feeling like his intervention could actually make a difference that Bruce took years and years of stewing in trauma to find.

The most important thing to Bruce is that Dick doesn't become another Batman.

#this is the idea I had for a fic where I go between the deaths of Bruces parents and Dicks parents #based on what Bruce did differently than what happened to him #Feat. Alfred not being a great guardian bc the distance between staff and ward is funky #and how that damaged Bruce #Like I don't think Alfred was terrible but I don't think he was parental enough #anyway I want to write the Waynes death scene so badly I think since it's been so ingrained in Batmans lore we stopped thinking about it #anyway in the batman and robin year one where Alfred was like 'you don't have much experience in being a child' made me think #Not saying that Bruce is an amazing parent but I think it would be interesting to focus on what he tried to do differently #I think he realized that Dick needed to be considered an equal and not just some kid who doesn't know anything #bc he was once that kid who everyone dismissed and had no control of his own life #idk I feel like if I've thought enough about this to be a fic i could yap on forever...#batman #bruce wayne #dick grayson #maybe i could spin it into being in The Batman continuity...

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aroaceleovaldez · 1 year ago

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listen I know everybody makes Orpheus and Eurydice quest aus of Nico bringing Jason back BUT we already did Orpheus and Eurydice in canon like at least three times (Nico bringing Percy to the Styx, Nico bringing back Hazel, and Piper in general is Orpheus as an Argonaut) AND we are missing the much simpler canon-established method.

Remember the whole soul-trade thing Nico was doing in BoTL that got dropped completely? Even though it was like the entire subplot with Minos?

The requirement is a soul that has cheated death for a soul that has died. Now, quickly ignoring the convenient emperors running around who very much cheated death and the entire main conflict in TOA is Apollo trying to get rid of them. There are a ton of escaped souls from the whole Doors of Death/Thanatos getting captured thing. They're just kind of around. A lot of them were in the Giant Army but not all of them and a good number of them are random mortals and they're just. Somewhere.

So that's two loose plot threads: Nico is 100% fully aware of a completely Underworld-Legal method for bringing people back from the dead and there's an absolute ton of random souls-who-cheated-death running around who knows where completely unaddressed. Also, we know from BoO that Nico has changed his stance since BoTL and is now completely down for some murder.

Now, is there a very compelling plot within there about Nico and his sense of Underworld justice/Nico's morals and how he views the situation (insert the "That word ['please'] didn’t make sense to Nico. The Underworld had no mercy. It only had justice." quote from BoO of Nico killing Bryce while he's begging for mercy here.) vs Jason's own sense of justice/morals and the knowledge that Nico 100% actually murdered somebody to bring him back. THAT'S FASCINATING. It's a good conflict for a story and it ties up loose threads! We don't need to invent new mechanics the worldbuilding writes the plot all on it's own.

#pjo #riordanverse #nico di angelo #jason grace #not tagging as ship because it does not inherently need to be though most versions of this plot are #and i will say this plotline does have a FASCINATING secondary conflict if you go the ship route with it #because Nico is Ghost King! Jason was A GHOST! NICO CONTROLS GHOSTS!#Ghosts are inherently drawn to Nico and respond to his emotions/commands/etc even if he is not consciously controlling them!#So you could *absolutely* have a secondary conflict of Nico and Jason trying to figure out their feelings for each other #but both of them worrying about trying to parse if their feelings *are* actually mutual #or if Nico accidentally influenced Jason while he was a ghost into reciprocating his feelings and that stuck when he was revived #which is like. extra sucky for Jason to figure out because HE ALREADY WENT THROUGH THAT WITH PIPER. This would be the second time!#can you tell i started writing this once #i never finished it but i stand by it's SUCH a great compelling plot if you wanna go the revive-Jason route

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soup-is-here · 3 months ago

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Mouthwashing Spoilers

TW: Addiction and Self Harm

I wanna go on about Swansea's final monologue but it's hard to put into words, but I'm gonna try anyways cause it's a short, but strong story about autonomy again. This post ended up significantly longer than I wanted though

It's the autonomy to choose the "less healthy" option because it's appealing to you. It's the moral assignment to normality and stability. An alcoholic is an alcoholic by choice, technically, but do they owe us otherwise? Is it morally reprehensible to enjoy taking LSD at a party? Should we see someone as less than because they relax with a xanax instead of a hot shower? It's not healthy. We know that. We've seen anti-drug ad after ad after ad. But is that the part that's morally wrong, in and of itself? Does enjoying the drugs and chaos make Swansea a worse person?

Like him talking about his entire life and ending it by saying between the "stable" "normal" life and him waking up every morning with a new hangover, he preferred the latter. People always talk about getting clean and fixing their lives and Swansea did it! He did the thing "good men" do! A wife and kids and a trade job and sobriety! He was doing it! He was finally "worth" something!

And he hated it! I mean I don't know if he actually hated/despised it, but he misses his previous life. He misses drugs and partying and living like you might not wake up the next day. He said the thing that changed him was seeing himself dead in a ditch under the bright beam of a streetlight. Now he's looking down the barrel of a gun. And as he looks down it, he looks back. That was his preference. It felt good to be like that. And he wouldn't be here if he stayed there

We always have a narrative about drugs or gambling or sleeping around where a person suddenly realizes that they aren't "doing anything" with their life and becomes stable and it's always played like addiction is a false pleasure. Swansea got to the stability people said would be the real pleasure of life and that just wasn't true for him. One bad paycheck could've been the difference between his stable life and falling apart anyways. His lifestyle was going to kill him someday apparently, yet he's staring down the barrel of a gun at his steady trade job to feed his wife and kids.

I don't know quite how to word it but Swansea is the poster child for rehabilitation. There's this weight to him saying his alcoholic period was the best time of his life. Like it just hits at that pang that makes people wear DARE shirts while smoking weed and post those videos of smoking 100 cigarettes at once. Anti-vaping ads tell you about the damage they do to your body but everyone knows that already. Everyone knows "this is what your brain looks like on drugs." I smoke medical marijuana and it isn't good for my lungs but it's good for my pain. Doing drugs isn't good for me and I know that and that's sorta the point sometimes.

I don't know it's just this weird pang where I know what Swansea means, just not to nearly the same extent. I don't have an addiction so I don't think I could fully understand it. Maybe a better thing I could relate it to for myself is self harm. It's not healthy sure, but who do I owe health? Myself? Other people? And what is healthy? Is it feeling better now? Is it resisting now and feeling worse for it until it stops? What if the coping skills I learn make it worse? What if they make it better? Do I want it to get better? Does Swansea want to get better? What would better feel like to either of us?

Who knows until you try. Swansea got a collared shirt, a mortgage, and a credit card. He got a job and a wife and kids. He got sober. He got healthier, depending on your definition.

But did he feel better? He's looking down a barrel of a gun and he has to decide if he feels better. It doesn't seem like he regrets his new life. He says he wants his kids to be better than him. He wants good things to happen for them. He saw himself as one bad slip away from falling again. I don't think he felt better though. I think he got healthier. He likely would've ended up in the ditch he dreamt about, but we don't know that. We also don't know if that's what he'd prefer. But, we do know he got healthier, depending on your definition.

#mouthwashing #tw addiction #tw self harm #It got a little personal in the end but I keep watching that scene cause it reminds me of a convo with my therapist #It's been a lil under a year since I last self harmed #but he told me that things like addictions and self harm are tools #they're neutral actions that either make you feel better or worse #and that's usually up to the circumstances around the action rather than the act itself #Taking narcotics might fill you with shame or make you feel giddy. Maybe even both #Self harm can make you feel embarrassed but cathartic #That's unhealthy #now what?#There needs to be something to replace that feeling or you'll just crave it until you can't stand the feeling anymore #And sure you can talk about will and self control but why? Who are they doing this for? Themselves? Friends? Family?#Cause there's so many factors that can make that difference and sometimes the answer is 'No one'#So you crave and is that healthier? I'm not saying to self harm again or break your sobriety #But there's gotta be something to replace it. AA and NA use a higher power and ppl use nicotine gum for smoking #Essentially what I'm saying is that it's not the end of the world to enjoy your addiction #Is it unhealthy? Absolutely. Wounds can get infected and drugs can be laced or you can OD #But is it morally wrong for Swansea to say those were the best days of his life?#Is it wrong for him to live the sober life and decide he preferred his alcoholism?#My therapist doesn't want me to harm myself. He'd prefer for me to learn new coping skills to replace it. And I did #The urges still come up for me sometimes. He says they come up for him too. Less so. But they do #He says a relapse could happen. What's wrong with that? You just start over with a new goal and a new skill. And if that skill is worse?#Well that original tool is there until you get a new one. It's not great but it feels better than a new bad tool #And maybe it's okay to fiddle with that old tool if you don't wanna bother with a new one again

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tripthelightfandomtastic · 1 year ago

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Also, any time someone says "Josh speaks in pure nonsense" or "he's always blabbing a million miles a minute" or whatever dumb shit, I hope you know every adhd person sees your post and internalizes it bc I know I do.

#thats his adhd babe he cant control it #AND NEITHER CAN I #so no YOU shut up!#ugh so annoying #like damn one fuckin day without it would be great #LIKE BABY DOESNT FEEL THE NEED TO MASK FOR YOU #YOU SHOULD FEEL SO FUCKIN SPECIAL #gvf #greta van fleet #josh kiszka #adhd

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diskusaurus · 2 months ago

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My biggest issue in Epic the Musical is Odysseus, actually. In this essay, I will....

#good god I hate his (lack of) character arc #if you want me to believe he is a monster then he gotta be consistently!!!! monstrous!!!#but no he is constantly allowed to be a poor pissbaby because portraying him as anything *gasp* morally dubious is bad #idk i don't know anything about the og myths but to me Epic's Odysseus bounces around between moods far too fast but he is always allowed t #reset back into what he has been from the start #none of his angst feels earned at any point because basically all the “bad choices” he's been put into have been outside of his control #except maiming the sirens and sacrificing people to scylla #which feel so out of character at that point to me because the next song he's whining to Zeus to not make him choose between him and his me #bitch if you were willing to sacrifice them two seconds ago why not now #why not have odysseus be the one to suggest sacrificing his men instead of him to show how far he is actually willing to go #but noooo his hand needs to be forced because???#at that point in the musical I feel like he should've been far more cruel so the Ithaca saga will actually feel like something #gives this man some agency to be a fucked up guy by himself. please.#it would've made the poseidon fight even more satisfying. he's capable because he has grown so cold. but no #idk maybe I'm missing the point but ugh #I saw a great comment unrelated to this that was like #“if you aren't comfortable with dark implications in your stories then don't write dark stories”#which I feel like applies here so well #epic the musical critical

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finalgirlsamwinchester · 8 months ago

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john @ sam

#has someone made this joke before....probably!#joke post but i'm also somewhat serious abt it alksjdflaks #like the sam-john dynamic was always equal parts suspicion and protection to me!!!!#the reason why john is such a great character to me? he's the world's biggest hypocrite <3 #hypocrisy - secrecy - mistrust the trifecta of john traits like what a guy! it all boils down to keeping control over uncertainty #sam's kept at a distance not to spare him from the horrors of hunting - it's also bc he's a potential liability #2.01 “I should've never taken you along in the first place. I knew it was a mistake” <- speaks volumes!!#he's not taking that risk! it's easier to shut him out (while also reminding dean he isn't good enough. to keep him in line)#(went to the logan roy school of dividing and conquering his kids <3)#but also. the uneasy idea of sam as a potential threat needing to be monitored and contained #a son to protect from dark forces is also the same son who drew darkness into his home!#sam's first panic room? cage? being left alone in motel rooms #it speaks volumes that legacy he leaves behind for dean #is him literally ordering a hit on sam alksdjf #i love the line 'watch out for your brother' bc it carries that dual meaning of protection and suspicion so well #like 'watch out' meaning protect him but also 'watch out' as in keep an eye on that threat #j.txt

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nonconstories · 8 months ago

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Someone pissed me off a couple of days ago

So! Below are several links to programs and foundations that promote adult literacy! Hundreds of millions of adults world wide were failed by their education system and now must fend for themselves while trying to read contracts and hospital bills and infographics from the CDC. But they don't have to be alone, and it is never too late to learn!

ProLiteracy: A network of educators, researchers, and advocates which provides research reports, learning materials, and other support to adult education programs. They assist with connecting volunteers to local programs and provide guidance and support to community leaders trying to use their programs' findings to advocate for social and political change.

Adult Literacy League: An adult education program in Central Florida, which aims to provide students with one on one attention to foster growth and confidence. It also offers English Second Language courses and job skills training, and each new student receives a comprehensive assessment to determine the best plan for them.

Saint Vincent and Sarah Fisher Center's Foundational Skills Program: A 100% free adult education program aimed at adults reading below a fifth grade level. It operates year round and is either in person or remote, and they now have a GED testing center that is open to students and the public alike.

Washtenaw Literacy: A free network of trained tutors for adults in Washtenaw County, Michigan.

Adult Learning Program (Las Vegas/Clark County): Free education classes to those lacking a high school diploma, those seeking to learn ESL, and adults who read below an eighth grade level. Also assists in students' search for gainful employment. Nevada got so fucked by COVID and the education/literacy numbers in the South West are grim. Please help these guys.

Hawaii Literacy: In addition to helping adult residents of Hawaii Island learn to read and write AND bridging the education gap in Hawaii's underserved children, they offer computer literacy classes, ESL classes, and a bookmobile. 1 in 6 Hawaiian adults struggle to read and write.

#Not Stories #mutual aid #adult literacy #'uuhhhggg its soooo disappointing when i meet a girl who's like 'yeah omg i luv 2 read'#'and then she only reads booktok trash and grocery store thrillers and manga'#'like come on thats such a turn off :/'#'like aren't you bored??? what about reading The Foundation and War & Peace and Grapes of Wrath where's THAT girl haha'#nobody gives a shit what sort of high school reading list gets your dick stiff! NOBODY!#I'm too busy dealing with the fact that most public education systems hate students of color and anyone with a learning disability #from the very bottom of my very dyslexic heart go fuck yourself #'this chick only read 8 books in twelve months lmfao thats so pathetic'#'i read eight books a MONTH some people really give up after high school'#do you think my great grandfather or his father got to fucking finish high school????#or were they busy getting fucking shot at in germany in two different fucking wars????#thank every god you wanna name that my lunatic mother stopped abusing me long enough to put me through FIVE YEARS OF TUTORING #to get ME literate because that's what it fucking took #I watched more than one kid from my underserved semi rural district drop out at 17 or 16 or 15 #because their parents needed a third paycheck or they were gonna lose the goddamn house #10% of my majority black school district graduated FUNCTIONALLY ILLITERATE and not an ounce of it was those kids' fault #our racist ass school district failed them and the district did NOT protect my white ass when I was diagnosed dyslexic #the adult literacy crisis is not about you getting a girlfriend who can discuss Ayn Rand with you #the adult literacy crisis is about us being exploited and neglected and made easier to control and manipulate #reading is FUCKING HARD and learning to read after the age of six is SO MUCH HARDER #so from the VERY very bottom of my VERY very dyslexic heart #FUCK. YOU.

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stagefoureddiediaz · 5 months ago

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Eddie’s arc gonna be so so so good this season

The Chris stuff is going to hurt so bad and break me but healing is coming for them both and I’m expecting a Chris-tmas episode reunion of father and son

#Eddie needs this time apart #and actually so does Chris - I think he’s going to realise how good he is it with his dad - how loved and supported he is #and how much space and freedom he’s been given to become who he wants to be #because I think he’s going to find Helena and Ramon stifling and controlling and smothered #and that will be good for him - we don’t realise (especially as a child) how good things are - even when they seem to be awful - until they #are taken away #and Chris made this choice so he is going to learn his actions have consequences- and they’re not always good ones #(Chris has every right to feel hurt etc by his dads actions I’m not taking away from that)#I’m obessed with how Chris running away to his grandparent is like Eddie running away to war - already a bit broken by loss (of childhood #for Eddie and of a parent for Chris) running away will break him more but healing comes in the aftermath #and after the war Eddie and Chris became even stronger and a father son unit so I expect Chris’s return to do the same thing #make them stronger than before #because Eddie is a great dad #the diaz boys paralleling each other is just so interesting and good #I’m incoherent over it actually #911 spoilers #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #911 abc

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shima-draws · 1 year ago

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Rewatching a playthrough of Danganronpa and it actually shocks me how chill Monokuma is. Even when Kyoko goes around stealing his shit and he finds Makoto with it later he's like. Yeah okay. I don't hold it against you or anything it's cool. LMAO

He has every available opportunity to just kill everyone whenever, especially when they break the rules, but he never does. I really love villains who stick to their own rules so it's fair for everyone else :")

#Danganronpa #Okay listen I know a lot of people hate Monokuma (some of my own friends included)#But I LOVE him. Okay. I adore him #His personality is great he's a cheerful asshole who kills kids for fun. And he's not ashamed about it.#He follows his own rules to a T and jokes around with the kids and offers them hints when they need it #He's the worst person in the world. The person who controls him has slaughtered thousands.#He's the cause of all the world's chaos. He's also a cute widdle teddy bear.#I hate him so much I love him. Does that make sense? Lol #It's hard to find really compelling villains like him and Junko #HE'S BATSHIT CRAZY! HE'S UNHINGED! AND HE'S FUCKING ADORABLE!!#Also it's crazy to me that Junko could literally just walk out and leave and end the game but she DOESN'T #She follows her rules through to the end. And executes herself #No normal villain would do that. A normal villain would do anything to escape and survive after they've lost #She just accepts her defeat with grace. I hate her guts but I respect the HELL out of her #Shima speaks

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imagionary · 1 year ago

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