#his death is expected by himself and everyone else he knows. including us. the viewer

[currently-becoming-potatoes]

Holding the narrative up to Aventurine’s head like a shotgun atm

[stagefoureddiediaz]

I am so excited about the finale and what it could mean for Buddie. Eddie wanting someone to be there after a tough call.. But we know both Marisol and Natalia will be in the finale. Couldn’t it be that both Buck and Eddie will “sit” with them after the tough call? I mean, I know the couch is about the Buckley Diaz family. I just think it’ll be in season 7 when we get the conclusion of the couch theory. I don’t know, just knowing that they are there, makes me very careful about what I hope for in this finale.

I'm going to answer all of these together because I do not have the energy to rinse and repeat answer the same thing over and over!!

I am excited - very excited about tonights episode - so many things set up and so many things going on from what we've seen already.

first things first - I'm going to deal with Natalia. I genuinely don't think she's going to be about for more than this episode - I'm very much expecting some form of resolution with her - she is now tied into the sperm donor story as well as Bucks death story arc and from my position that is intentional - the contrast between life and death - Bucks choice is clear in this - he'll choose life because he is realising he has so much to live for and all Natalia has ever seen in Buck - really is his death. So I have no worries about her appearance - I'm simply intrigued to she how it plays out and how Buck goes about choosing himself and choosing life!

As for Marisol - I'm putting it under a cut because this got a bit long!

Firstly - where have you found confirmation of a stunt double listed for Edy/Marisol?? I've never heard of her having one listed anywhere and no one else has either - if she had one listed anywhere then 911bts would know about it and would've let us all know. You bringing it up is literally the first I'm hearing about it. So I think its safe to rule her out from actually being at the big disaster - there is already enough going on there, and with far more important characters in relation to the firefam for her to fit in those scenes. feel free to come back to me if I'm wrong, but personally I can't see it.

We don't have any context for her appearance, and that includes if there is going to be anything romantic set up with her and Eddie. for all we know they're setting her up to be a friend to Eddie (because Eddie really does see all women as friend shaped) My feeling is that the show won't go that far with them and will at most leave it ambiguous - its a season finale and the showrunners didn't know if this was going to be the final season of the show so the likelihood of them going big on starting something of a romantic nature is fairly unlikely - its far more likely that they'll leave it open and in more of an ambiguous place that is satisfying to viewers but leaves them enough wiggle room to play on it in season 7if they got the green light for said season 7.

911 has always been about leaving its characters in good and hopeful places at the end of all its seasons and that uncertainty around renewal would've been something they were aware of going into the writing of this script. That means they would've chosen to write a season end that was fitting as a series end as well - something that left enough threads in play that they could pick them back up again if renewal came, but at the same time wrapped things up nicely for everyone if not. this is something the show has been very good at doing as a whole - if you rewatch any finale episode from any season as view it as a last ever episode you will find all arcs have been wrapped up in a way that is both satisfactory if there were no further episodes, but also open enough that lots of seeds for future storytelling have been planted.

there are other things to consider here as well. This season hasn't really been about romantic love - its been about family, the changing dynamics of family, building and strengthening the family you have, actually understanding the family you have/have been building. that is what we have seen for all the characters all season long - Bathena figuring out the next stage for them as empty nesters and having grown up children. Bobby admitting he views buck as a son, his struggles with Wendell's death - his AA family. Athena dealing with her parents - when the child becomes the carer, and solving something that had haunted her family most of her life. Hen and Karen dealing with Hen taking on too much and neglecting her family as a result, having to deal with adding another parent into the mix as well as the exploration of how their family came to be in the first place. Madney - growing back together again, choosing to take the risk and be a family in everything, not just in parenting Jee, actually building a house of their own together - not one that was either of theirs from before, but one that is both of theirs from the beginning and one that allows them to take any next steps they want. the engagement whilst romantic etc is also about choosing family - something Maddie wasn't able to do with Doug because it wasn't safe, and something Chim never had with his own father - their engagement was as much about overcoming family trauma, learning from and healing from it as it was about romantic love.

Then we have Buddie - the family on paper (thanks to the will) even if they haven't figured themselves out yet or even talked about it. They sit in parallel to all of the other couples on the show in so many ways and that is very deliberate. For Eddie this season has been about his changing dynamic with Christopher as he grows up and seeks independence and who Eddie is if he doesn't have father and firefighter to hide behind - if he just gets to be Eddie. Its also been about him putting the ghost of Shannon to rest and being in a place where he can move on and create something new (even if he sucks at dating and has never actually questioned what it is he wants). While for Buck it has been about reckoning with ghosts and understanding that DNA doesn't make a family. Its been about Buck recognising which family is more important to him - the DNA family or the found family and choosing things for himself (which is why his new couch has to go) its been about him figuring out his place and where he's at peace (you know the place he can fall asleep as soon as he sits down - like Eddies couch maybe). The entire season has been spent building up Buddifer as a family dynamic and showing how much they all mean to each other and how much of a co-parent Buck is with Eddie. We've even had his relationship with Chris very loudly contrasted with the one Chim has with Denny just to make it extra obvious.

All this to say that the show hasn't been doing all this for nothing and I'm pretty convinced that they will send us into hiatus with all the pieces set up ready to build on in season 7.

Back to how Marisol fits into all of this - its pretty simple - the show is great at giving us lots of subtext - we just have to choose to read it. I've already answered an ask about how the name Marisol means our lady of solitude - the thing Eddie is feeling right now because he is focused on the concept of everyone dying alone and isn't quite in a place to look more deeply at the Buck of it all - he's getting there, but he isn't quite ready yet.

Then we have the construction aspect of the Eddie/Marisol dynamic - everything around them has been in relation to construction - but always about constructing something for someone else - Eddie goes to her house to help with repairs (with Buck and other fire fighters) - not something for himself. They meet again at a DIY store when both of them are looking for something for someone else - her for her brother, him for his son. The focus of their interaction was very much about other people and helping other people so there is something to be said about the idea of construction on sunset (a metaphor for Eddie thats been in play for a long time) and her helping him to figure out and fix whatever that construction is so that the road ahead is clear for his happily ever after (the sunset) - she isn't the sunset, she's just the construction worker - to help Eddie with the final piece of the puzzle.

The other thing to keep in mind is costuming for both Marisol and Eddie. We are pretty sure that one of Marisol's costumes tonight is an olive green and blue tie dye sweatshirt - literally the Buddie colours of the season, because we have a bts photo of Edy in what looks very much like a costume (her hair and makeup have also been done as Marisol).

Eddie is green and Buck is blue (Eddie has worn green 11 and blue 4 times this season and Buck has worn blue 22 times and green 7 times - far far more than any other colours they've worn except black for Eddie which he has rarely worn around Buck - except when in his widows weeds) , from the clothes they wear and the cases they have on their phones, the blue and green has been a very deliberate choice - Eddie is growing and Buck is water trying to find its level. Putting Marisol in a top that is a literal mash up of their two colours is telling me that whatever her scenes are, her role will be one that in some way brings Buddie together, not one that creates a wedge between them because up to now the costume department has been careful to steer clear of any Buck or Eddie related colours on either Natalia or Marisol.

That isn't to say that I don't think Marisol will feature in some way - I do and I think we will see her carry over into season 7, but there is literally nothing the writers (and all the other departments) have done that makes me think she is anything but someone who is meant to help Eddie get to a place where he is ready to see what he has already built - what is already in front of him - that Buck is the person who will always sit with him in the mess and make it his mess too.

Literally all the things the show is doing is pointing to Buddie and to expect it to happen and for them to go canon tonight is just foolish - neither Buck nor Eddie are ready for that, both have some more healing and growing to do before we get to that point and they need to have a conversation - a big massive conversation which tonights episode doesn't have room for because its a conversation that an entire episode will be built around. There is already some amazing Buddie related stuff that we've had in the sneak peeks and we will likely get more, all of which builds on all the things we've already spent this season discussing. Everything has been set up for Buddie canon in season 7 and it seems Marisol is part of helping us get there so if i were you (that means any of you) I would sit back and enjoy the storytelling because it all has a point and has been done with the intention of giving us Buddie - we made it through an entire season of Taylor Kelly and she gave us plenty of Buck growth in the middle of a slow and torturous spiral, so we can deal with a few episodes of Marisol who is going to help Eddie figure out that he isn't actually lonely because he already has what he's looking for!

If you choose to not learn how to read what a show is doing, and also come into peoples inboxes (who are actually doing a huge amount to help you read that information that the show is giving you by interpreting and discussing it) and behave negatively then I and others cannot help you because you've already chosen negativity and doom and gloom. I fully expect to have my inbox flooded with negativity, poor takes and dissatisfaction (and probably a fair amount of nastiness as well) after the episode tonight simply because the show had the audacity to have Eddie interact with someone who isn't Buck and is female - they will all be blocked and deleted - I'm over trying to explain to people who clearly don't actually read and think about all the things myself and so many others put out and I don't have the time to deal with it - I just want to enjoy my weewoo show and have fun with people on tumblr as we actually look at what we've been given in canon for all our firefam. So if you want to keep seeing what I post and my costume metas my advice is think before you type and press send on a message coming towards my inbox. I'm all for open discussion and I have lots of conversations with people who see things differently to me - but we are able to do it in a grown up and mature way, I don't pop into their inboxes and spew nastiness and hateful rhetoric.

This wasn't specifically aimed at you 5 nonnies I'm just using the opportunity to make people aware of how they will be treated if they try anything!

This got so very long 😳😳😳 soI'm ending here and I hope it all makes sense!

[lovesosweeet]

better left unsaid // cth

chapter thirty six

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

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november 5, 2018 san diego, california orion

Spending my 22nd birthday going to visit my new oncologist was not my plan. I hadn’t made much effort to make it happen, but I was hoping to just have a night out in LA with Emelia, her roommates, and some of my classmates. I already had a reservation set up at my favorite rooftop bar for ten people. 

I knew Cal had a show — Amsterdam — so I didn’t expect to get to spend it with him. I figured he’d call me after he got offstage while I was out with my friends and I’d answer, tipsy from a few too many espresso martinis, and it would be sweet and everyone with me would think it was so cute that he was so busy but still so present in our relationship.

Clearly, nothing like that is happening today. The only thing that’s the same is Emelia. She’s coming over tonight. I think my moms are getting us all Thai food and we’ll watch a movie or play a game, and I think we’ll have a bonfire, but the night is looking very differently than what I’d planned months ago. Today is the day I find out how chemo went and whether or not I get to live a little longer.

While Mama drives to the hospital, she and Mom are talking about something I stopped paying attention to a long time ago. I’m grateful both of them are coming with me to learn about my fate. My mind is just spinning and I can’t even pin down a single thought, so I find myself distracting my brain by doomscrolling on social media and reading happy birthday texts. 

From: kaykay (5sos groupies) happy birthday orion! miss ya and love ya! From: crystal (5sos groupies) baby o!!!! we miss you so so much! we’ll all be home soon and want to see your sweet face if you’ll have us. happy birthday ❤️ From: sierra (5sos groupies) sweet orion!! missing you more than ever! happiest of birthdays to the prettiest of girls ❤️

Macy tagged me in an Instagram story of a collage of pictures we have together—random chemo selfies, the night we celebrated her being cancer free, and the tour sendoff party that happened what feels like a lifetime ago. “MOST BEAUTIFUL BIRTHDAY GIRL EVER! LOVE YOU LONG TIME TY FOR BEING THE BEST” she wrote on top of the photo.

Emelia posted a carousel of our pictures from the past three years, including a very cringey one of us on the first day of class freshman year. We’d somehow shown up to class wearing nearly identical outfits and we decided we were destined to be friends, which was a correct assessment. The most recent one was last week at the beach, when we had a sunset picnic. “Strongest, bravest, kindest, most passionate (and stubborn) girl on the planet. Happy birthday to my soul sister. There’s no one who loves like you and I love having your love in my life. 22 is no match for you! ‘Til death, my friend.” 

Ashton has a photo of us getting gelato in Rome two years ago. I think Giuseppe took the picture, but the memory is blurry. All I remember is how divine my pistachio gelato tasted and how jealous Ash was of how much better mine was than his. In the picture, I’m happily taking a lick from mine while Ashton pouts at me, holding his cup of banana gelato that he’d hardly touched. His caption is short and sweet. “Happy birthday to the best girl I know (sorry @kaykay).”

I don’t follow him anymore, but I pull up Cal’s profile to see if he’s posted any stories or anything else today. When his profile picture indicates that he has posted a story I haven’t viewed, out of habit, I check it. Even if he checks who’s viewed it, I’ll only be one of literal thousands, so I doubt he’ll be able to see me as a viewer. He posted a picture of himself on stage last night, and today, he just took a screenshot of listening to 22 by Taylor Swift on Spotify. 

He’s saying happy birthday, even if he isn’t. 

From: paula (lavapies forever) HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FAV ESTADOUNIDENSE!!! love you miss you!!!  From: giuseppe (lavapies forever) oh!! happy birthday orion!!! how did I end up in this group chat….. ? From: marta (lavapies forever) feliz cumple, orion!! te echo de menos!!!  From: ilse (lavapies forever) HAPPY BDAY ORION! ❤️ From: paula (lavapies forever) giu you’re one of the girlies sorry

I haven’t texted the “5SOS groupies” back yet, and am uncertain of whether or not I will, but I do text back my former flatmates (and Giuseppe). 

To: lavapies forever muchisimas gracias!!!! miss you all!!! also, have some news for you guys From: ilse (lavapies forever) FINALLY From: paula (lavapies forever) when were you gonna tell us you guys broke up!!!!!! what happened?!?!?!? From: marta (lavapies forever) seriously! how could you not tell us?! but yes what happened we are dying to know the details From: giuseppe (lavapies forever) oh yeah fran asked if i knew anything but obviously i do not  To: lavapies forever so… its not so much that i need to tell you about the breakup? i don’t know how else to say it than to just say it so i’m just gonna say it i have leukemia so cal and i broke up i’m actually on my way to the doctor rn to see how my chemotherapy treatments went

When the group chat activity halts, I know they’re now all confused and in shock. My friends aren’t exactly known for not having something to say. I leave the WhatsApp app to give them time to process and go to my regular messages to see who else has reached out.

From: lucas Hey, O. Just popping in to say happy birthday! Sent you a Venmo—have a martini on me. Hope you’re doing okay!

Every other notification is just miscellaneous family members and a few classmates who are just as out of the loop as the general public is on what’s happening in my life. I guess I should probably share something on my social media about what’s going on. I don’t want the fans to know, but I can tell my classmates and people I actually know. I decide I’ll post something later today, once I’ve heard whatever news that the oncologist is about to share with me. 

Right when I’m locking my phone, it starts buzzing with an incoming Facetime from Paula. I tell my moms I’ll be on a call before I answer.

“Hey,” I say as her face fills my screen.

“I wish you’d told me sooner,” is how Paula starts the call. 

I frown. “It’s kinda hard to say over text. I’m sorry.”

“So call! Orion, what the hell! This is huge and I don’t know why you wouldn’t think we’d want to know!” 

I contemplate what to say next. I should be an expert at this after having to break the news Calum. “If it makes you feel better, I didn’t tell Cal until last month.” 

Paula’s mouth drops and I can tell she’s about to dwell on this instead of the actual news. “So he broke up with you?!” 

“What? No!” I sigh. “No, I broke up with him.” 

Her face contorts with confusion and she shakes her head, the idea rattling around in her brain. “You broke up with him?! Because you have cancer?!”

“Please don’t make me talk about this, Pau, it’s all anyone wants to talk about and I’m tired of it.” 

“No! We are going to talk about this! You guys are perfect together and you broke up with him in the middle of a life threatening diagnosis? What the fuck, Orion?” 

“Can we talk about this tomorrow?” I beg. “It’s my birthday. I promise I’ll call you tomorrow and I’ll let you know how things went today.”

She groans. “Fine, but only because it’s your birthday!” 

“Orion,” Mama says, catching my attention. “We’re here.”

I nod and look back to my phone. “¿Hablaremos mañana?”

Pau nods. “Mañana.”

Paula and I hang up then, and I tuck my phone into the pocket on my black sweatpants. We get out of the car and walk to the door of the cancer center, checking in at the desk and going to the waiting room. I feel like I’ve done all of this a million times now, but I haven’t felt this nervous about it in a long time. 

They call my name to come back, and we trudge slowly after the nurse and we sit in a sterile exam room that looks just like every other sterile exam room in the world. While we wait for the doctor to come in, my moms and I sit in silence. I don’t think anyone wants to say anything. I know I don’t.

Five minutes of waiting later and then there’s a knock on the door. My new doctor, Dr. Gupta, walks in with his clipboard and the nurse in tow. He takes a seat on the wheeled stool and moves it closer to me so that we’re only about a foot or two apart. 

“Good morning,” he says. “And, happy birthday.”

I give him a tense smile. “Thanks.” 

I had to come in last week for another biopsy and a full blood panel again to be able to assess the status of my cancer, so today is literally just to talk about the results. They also have me a full body exam to check my lymphnodes and other symptoms. Given the look on Dr. Gupta’s face from the moment he walked in, whatever he’s going to say isn’t good.

“Orion, there isn’t an easy way to say this, so I’m sorry,” he says, off to a horrible start. “The chemo hasn’t made much of a dent in the leukemia, and I’m afraid it’s progressing.” 

I look over at my moms who are clenching their jaws and squeezing each other’s hands. I’ll cry if I watch, so I look back to Dr. Gupta. 

“You have options, though. We can continue to try to find you a bone marrow donor, and there are a number of trials that are available, we’d just need to transfer you back to LA.” 

I shake my head. “I can’t go back to LA.” 

“Honey, you can go back—-“

I cut Mom off. “I’m not doing trials. I can’t. I’m sorry, but I’m not doing something else that will make me feel miserable and we don’t even know if it’s going to work. Besides, I’ll get what, maybe a year or two out of it if they do work?”

I look at Dr. Gupta to confirm, and he pulls his mouth into a slight frown. 

“There’s no guarantee on timelines or results, but, roughly, given your case, that’s what we’d be looking at.” 

“Right, and I’ll get like… a year, a few months if we just stop doing things?” 

Dr. Gupta sighs. “Again, we can’t say for certain, but roughly, yes, about a year.” 

“Yeah, I’m not doing anything. Can I go now?” I stand up, grabbing my bag. 

“Orion, at least hear about what options—“

I spin around, quickly, to face my moms. “I’m not doing anything.”

They look at me with tears in their eyes, begging me to stay and listen, but I don’t want to. 

“I want to go home. I want to live comfortably and just have time with people I care about. It doesn’t matter. I’m going to die anyway. It doesn’t even matter, and I’m not going to LA again.” 

We have a silent argument with just our eyes before they look to Dr. Gupta.

“Can we have the pamphlets on the trials? We can discuss this at home and let you know.”

Dr. Gupta quickly hands them the stack of brochures he’s had on top of his clipboard. “You don’t have to decide anything today, and please call me if you have any questions.” 

I walk out of the room then. I don’t want to dwell in there and I don’t want to dwell on what I’ve just learned. I can’t think about it. Not today. Maybe tomorrow. I just can’t spend my birthday thinking about it all. Today I’m supposed to celebrate my life, not the impending date of my death. 

—

We’re having a bonfire in the backyard with my family, Emelia, and Macy — complete with gelatin-free marshmallows and a crock pot full of mulled wine — when my phone starts going crazy. I try to ignore it and just enjoy the night with Emelia and Macy, who are listening to and respecting my wishes not to talk about the news of the day. I promise them we’ll talk about it tomorrow. 

My phone has probably buzzed twelve times in the past two minutes, and Emelia ends up taking my phone off the arm of the wooden chair I’m sitting in to look at it, apparently annoyed by all the notifications. She unlocks my phone for herself and her eyes grow wider as she looks at whatever notifications I’ve gotten.

“Jesus,” she whispers, scrolling through whatever it is. 

“What is it?” Macy asks before she takes another sip of her hot wine. 

“Um…” Em says, trailing off, still staring at my phone’s screen.

I hold my hand out for her to give me my phone back, and she pulls it further away from me, her eyes still glued to the bright screen. I can see it’s a text thread with a lot of texts from the other person.

“Give me my phone,” I instruct, holding my hand closer to her.

“It’s not good, are you sure?” 

I roll my eyes. “Em, there’s nothing worse than hearing that your chemotherapy didn’t help your terminal cancer on your birthday. I can handle whatever the hell someone texted me.” 

She sighs and hands my phone to me. “I warned you.” 

I take in what’s on my screen and feel my stomach start to churn. She’s right. It’s not good.

From: mike-o cliff-o yknow what orion, fuck you i don’t give a fuck that it’s your birthday FUCJ YOU my band, my BEST FRIENDS, aren’t speaking because you couldn’t tell the truth thos is your fault calum won’t even LOOK at ash! howrdare you you had no right to come into our lives and fuck up the one thing that matters most to all of us and then just LEAVEW do you know how depressed cxalum is he doesn’t do anything except show up on stage and drink and whineand moanmb he’s a fucking qwreck and that’s on yuo you play this innocnt sweet act that you’re jsut being kind and whatever bllshit you tell yourself but you and i both know you’re actually a shitty person what kind of person doesn’t tell their partner they have CACNDR and then BROAKS UP WITH THEM over it fuck you. i hope it’s terminal. and i hpoe it sucks.

My eyes start to water as I read through everything, but I try to remember that Michael is clearly very drunk. 

“No, he doesn’t get to make you cry on your birthday. Give me that, I’m texting a screenshot of that shit to Crystal.” Emelia holds her hand out for my phone again, but I hug it to my chest. 

“No, it’s fine. He doesn’t mean it, and he deserves to be mad.” 

“What? Who texted you?” Macy asks from my other side. I sigh and hand my phone to her so she can read it all. 

“It’s fine, he’s drunk. If that made him feel better to say that, it’s fine.” 

Emelia is fuming next to me and watching as Macy’s face gets more and more concerned while she reads what Mike sent. I don’t want to let them sway me. I don’t care what he sent. 

“Holy shit, O, that’s not okay,” Macy says while she hands me my phone. 

“It’s fine, I don’t care.”

But I do.

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[threewaysdivided]

Me over here in my corner thinking about YJDW, and how absolutely ironically sad it would be if after all the huffing and puffing about ghosts and all the hell he gave Danny, that Wally himself came back as a ghost post-Endgame and only Danny could see and talk to him.

I need to rewatch the OG show again but for a happier alternative, what if Danny saved Wally from his original fate?

(Young Justice: Deathly Weapons)

It seems my primary creative contribution to fandom has been the creation of a bespoke, artisanal brain-corner in which people are compelled to sit and think about DW 😅.  It’s nice to know that, while I may have sunk-cost-fallacy-ed myself into this hole, the rest of you are having fun climbing into it with me.

As for an Endgame!AU, that’s kind of complicated by DW’s… let’s say fraught relationship with canon.  I really like YJ Season 1, but as everyone and their dog has been unable to escape me telling them I think lead-showrunner Greg Weisman is an appallingly bad storyteller (in fact I think he writes like a cowardly, exploitative incel) and under his “creative control” the later entries became an infuriating mess.  Back when there were only two seasons in the mainline canon I used to cut Invasion a lot more slack – allowing it to coast on the uninformed and incorrect assumption that both entries came from the same creative team, and that the seeming disjointedness of Invasion’s narrative was the result of executive meddling or troubled production at a time when a lot of Cartoon Network’s PG animated shows were infamously being put through hell by the network. 

However, after the disappointment of the “revival” I did a little bit more looking into things and realised that what I actually liked was the output of Season 1’s distinct production team – a team which included heavy input from experienced DC creatives like lead-directors Jay Oliva and Michael Chang (previously credited on the Teen Titans 2004 series, which was also praised for good character-storytelling).  It became clear to me that there were actually two separate products:  Season 1 (plus a couple of early tie-in comics by non-Weisman writers)… and everything else.  Turns out that dropping your primary directors results in a directionless story, whodathunk?

Once I took off those rose-coloured glasses, I ran into the problem that it’s actually not possible to get from Season 1 to Invasion without fundamentally breaking the narrative in really unpleasant ways.   Deathly Weapons has since become fully canon-divergent from that break-point.  I want to pay respects to the arcs, themes and characterisation of the Oliva-Chang Season, which means Invasion wouldn’t reasonably happen in the DW!Verse.  Ergo, no timeskips, no character-assassinations, and Wally never gets randomly knifed to “subvert the expectations” of viewers who might be familiar with a prominent Flash-storyline from another unconnected continuity.  I’m not kidding: that is why Endgame ended the way it did, this is what Greg and Brandon think storytelling is, their opinions should not be trusted.

So in a way I guess that problem kind of solved itself.

But that’s not very satisfying, is it?

Looking back at my brainstorming notes from the before-times (when DW was planned with the loose possibility of connecting back into later canon), I had a post-Endgame future-fic idea which focussed more on Dick.  The idea was for Dick to end up at Danny’s apartment while trying to cope with losing Wally.  Once there I had a scene where he wanders aimlessly while Danny is out dealing with some unavoidable adult-life stuff, leading him to find some old photos of Tucker.  The main scene was going to be Dick having a “conversation” with Tucker’s (metaphorical) spirit - speaking to the memory of his foster-brother’s late best friend about his own now-gone best friend, and asking Tucker to look out for Wally wherever they might be now.

I suppose that’s more where my style of angst lands for grief/death arcs.  I like to focus on death arcs as a reflection of the character’s life – the specifics of their personality, the distinct impression their presence left on the people around them and how the unique hole they occupied aches without them.  I’ve mentioned this before in the Jason-ask but my general thesis is that we are haunted by absences more than presences; we project ghosts in attempt to fill the hole(s) left when someone abruptly vanishes from our lives.

Because of that I tend to have very different story approaches for metaphorical ghosts (which explore the internal struggles of living characters coping with a loss) vs literal ghosts (actual tangible creatures who represent an external struggle).  I know it sounds kind of ironic considering that I killed off about 70% of the core Danny Phantom cast for Deathly Weapons, but when I kill a character it’s usually so I can do a retrospective on the value of their life.  So long as they’re mourned well, I don’t personally feel a need to bring most “dead” characters back.

That said, there is a lot of potential angst that could come from someone “becoming a ghost” with the way I’ve been headcanoning it to work in Deathly Weapons.  In Chapter 16, Phantom mentions that ectoplasmic ghosts are formed when the impression of a dying person’s consciousness is preserved in ectoplasm and gives rise to a new entity.  In a best-case scenario you get a complete translation of the same person to a new bio-medium, but in other cases you might get an incomplete or warped impression – missing some pieces and exaggerating others, like a reflection in a funhouse mirror.  This is how I like to explain the humanoid DP ghosts being so gimmicky and single-minded: they’re a flanderization built from only the strongest parts of their living personality at the moment of death.  It’s also one of the reasons why Phantom and the others don’t rush to “well, they might be a ghost now” as an easy solution to characters dying or being presumed-dead.  Sure, that character might not be entirely gone… but would the pieces that remain actually be them?

It’s a style of horror that isn’t especially my bag, but I think there’s a lot of potential angst mileage in that specific brand of “came back wrong” – leaving a ghost that is uncannily like you but is missing the specific memories or details needed to actually make you you.  A familiar stranger – unable to be the person they were, having no say or fault in being what they are, but who everyone has to deal with anyway (especially if they retain enough memories to understand that they know you).

That said, there would be no situation in which Wally came back as complete ghost where he wouldn’t be completely pissy about it.  Just, the indignity of it all, really.  

Still, I think it’s worth considering that, while Wally is certainly giving Danny hell with where he is in the story right now (Mission 1 of Arc II at the time of this post), in any five-years-later post-DW scenario the two of them would be a lot more chill with each other.

While some of the YJ cast have ended up with relatively static planned personal arcs throughout DW (for clarity, a static arc is where a character doesn’t experience substantial personal change across a story – they may receive elaboration into their personality, history and/or develop new relationships with others but by the end they are still mostly the same person) I hope people can trust that Wally isn’t one of them.  Him acting like a sulky, stinky jerkass right now isn’t because I’m planning on having him be The Sulky Stinky Jerkass™ for the entire story, but because he’s at the start of his major personal arc.  His flaws are on full display at the moment because he’s going to have to confront those flaws, how they hurt him and others, and make the decision on whether (and how) to be better.

The loose timeline for DW’s planned story is that the main arc (right now comprising 11 planned missions) takes place over 6-ish months from the point where Phantom first joins the Team.  Wally’s personal arc is planned to be part of that.  Add an additional 4-and-a-half years on top of that and they would have had a lot of time to let the water settle under the bridge.

With that being said, we’re heading into the stormiest parts of the water at the moment.  The interpersonal angst is going to get much worse before it gets better.  Not somebody-dies level, but some people are going to hurt each other quite badly before the resolution and a LOT of yelling is going to happen. 

Here’s a teaser for one of the worst lines :

“Better that than some green-wood who gets people hurt because he wanted to play hero!”

Yeah, things are going to get mean.  It may be a different flavour than some expected but I am nonetheless intending to serve 4 chapters of angst, and more than one of the boys is going to get served a lot of crow to eat over that mess.

[bestruction]

How it’d be to watch animes with them

A/N: While i’m working on my Mikasa x reader royal au, this little idea came to my mind. I tried to put the links when i mentioned a specific scene and speak a little about the anime in case you don’t know it.  So here it’s: 

Warnings: Me exposing my otaku self, mentions of 18+ animes (Not hentais) 

Eren -  Kaguya-sama wa Kokurasetai: Tensai-tachi no Renai Zunousen (13+)

A / N: The main characters like each other, but none wants to confess because being the person who takes the first step would also represent being the defeated person. The anime develops in a series of plans that both elaborate to make the other confess their love.

Warnings: None

It was his idea to watch an anime together since the two of you liked it a lot. You saw no harm and agreed to go to sleep with your boyfriend on Friday night. So, you would have the dawn and the weekend to see everything.

“We could watch One piece! Everybody likes"

“In three days ?! We will not finish even if we do not take breaks ”

"Naruto then?"

“Haven't you seen it all five times or more?

"But it is a classic!"

"It is also too long!"

He would sulk when he saw you reject each of his suggestions for being too big animes. The truth was, he was trying to convince you to stay longer. After much searching in the catalog, you choose to watch a short comedy of 12 episodes.

Biggest mistake ever

Eren is already annoying by nature, and after watching Kaguya-sama's two seasons he would spend the day and night trying to get you to confess to him EVEN IF YOU'VE BEEN IN LOVE FOR TWO YEARS AND HE HAS BEEN THE FIRST TO DECLARE. HIT HIM, PLEASE.

"Do you think that using such a low trick will make me give in?"

“Eren, I just got out of the shower. What trick? Wear an outfit? ”

“Showing off your skin won't make you win”

If you wanted to play with him, great. You are going to spend the day in this little game until he gets tired and just hugs you or something because he can't spend a lot of time without touching you. But if you didn't want to, just you could use that touchy side of him against him too.

"Maybe I shouldn't show you anything else then"

"Yes, of course, do- Wait what?"

"You heard"

“NO, BABE! YOU WON! I CONFESS! I LOVE YOU"

Watching anime with him would be quite an experience. For being very verbal, Eren would be the type of person who doesn't shut up watching anything. Especially, something that makes him laugh. You would see him laughing out loud and throwing himself back on the couch or on you, whether you were with him or not. You may even complain, but it would be fun to see him react to everything as immediately and naturally as an unfiltered child.

He will sing ALL the openings for the rest of the days around the house until you are humming some without realizing it.

For some reason, can I imagine him doing Chika dance ?? Yes, please film this big bear dancing like a little girl.

Levi - Death parade 

A / N: Do you want to cry and hurt yourself? This is the right place. Death Parade is a story about what happens after death. The characters are sent to mysterious bars where they will be judged to decide the fate of the souls themselves. (18+)

Warnings: Suicide, depressive themes, mentions of rape and domestic violence

I don't see Levi watching many animes. In fact, I don't see him watching much anything at all. He would be the type of person who can't spend a lot of time in front of the television without feeling like he's wasting time. Which would result in a very selective and demanding taste.

He would always read the reviews about the film, and after watching it, he would make his own. Ever. No exceptions. Unlike Impossible-to-be-quiet-Eren, Levi would be silent to be able to capture and understand all the details. This is interesting because getting his attention is a difficult task. But once it's done, he is 100% focused on the story and immersed in the characters.

So, after reading about it, he would agree to watch Death Parade with you.

He would have low expectations at first, and if the anime failed to hold his very difficult attention in three episodes, he wouldn't even try with the rest.

So when in the first episode, all suspense and doubts left to the viewer entered Ackerman's head, he would finish the other 11 without realizing it.

As a rational person, he would love things that make him think and reflect on the proposed theme. In the case: Life and death.

For some reason, I imagine him as someone who would like to study and read philosophy as a hobby and that he would love Nietzsche? So, you could expect deep conversations after each episode.

But without any arrogance, humanity's strongest soldier might not be the most talkative man in humanity, but surely when he opened his mouth to it, it wouldn’t be to show himself off with something that he knows and you don’t. On the contrary, he would be more than happy to explain if you asked and added your opinion.

He wouldn't cry, but he would be touched by the way the emotions were shown and created in the characters.

He would probably see the scene where Decim cries more than once for being impressed with how the pain of a character who is supposedly not flesh and blood is expressed so well.

And after the anime is over, you would always see him listening to the music of the ice skating scene around the house while doing something.

When you were finished watching everything, you would talk again about the anime. You lying on his chest and he touching his hair, smelling him.

"Do you believe in reincarnation, Levi?"

“If so, I wouldn't go back to this shit a second time. No matter what they offered me ”

"Levi!"

"Unless it was to have you again"

“What a cliché” He would roll his eyes after hearing your response “But I like clichés”

Again, he wouldn't cry, but he would be thinking about how ephemeral things can be, including being alive. Then you can expect a more touchy Levi for a few days.

Jean - Banana Fish 

N / A: Another one to cry and get hurt. Banana Fish is way more than just a story about one character just is hard to define. So in case, you didn’t watch it, here’s the trailer. (18+)

warnings: pedophilia, rape, violence, drugs, your heart being destroyed

You know that guy who says that no yaoi is good, it's just a way to feed a bunch of fujoshi and stuff like that? Jean. It's him. I just know it. So when you suggested Banana Fish and said it was a BL / yaoi, he would probably laugh and ignore the idea.

But after insisting a little and showing him the many compliments that both the anime and the manga received, he would accept.

At first, he wouldn't pay much attention. He really thought it would be just another bad anime. But by the end of the first episode, he would be too involved in the story to stop.

I think he would love crime novels for the same reason that Levi: To think. Try to find out how things are going to end and pick up any clues that the author has left about the ending. So the plot would hold him so much because he would make a ton of theories about the end.

He will ship Ash and Eiji with all his soul. I mean, how can he not ship? To see an anime in which the physical touch between the couple doesn't really happen and still builds a well-developed and healthy relationship would be a new experience for him.

Jean is somewhat similar to Eren in this respect. So you can expect to see him huffing in anger, cursing one of the characters, throwing a pillow away, or using it to hide a tear or two that he would let go of you. The kind of person who gets emotionally involved with the things he watches.

He would cry an entire river after watching the last episode and deny it later.

“I was not crying. The cushion fabric made my eyes itch a lot ”

Show him again and he will cry the same amount and intensity

Armin - Haikyuu

A / N: Considering all the texts on Tumblr for haikyuu characters, I’m pretty sure you know what anime it’s lol (10+)

Armin is an otaku with a license card and no one can change my mind. He would probably start watching it as a child. So, his first animes would be everyone's classics: Naruto, Dragon Ball Z, Bleach, etc.

So it would be normal that as the vast majority, he would continue to have a preference for shounen when he grew up. So it would be your idea to see Haikyuu.

He would have low expectations because he thought it would be just another anime with cute characters for everyone to be thirsty as an inverted harem. And also because the synopsis does not create a strong impression, especially for those who consume shounen daily.

"So we are just gonna see a little boy trying to catch a ball?"

“It's gonna be good! Everyone is talking about it now ”

"Does he have some superpower?"

"No"

"Something scary?"

"Armin, just give a chance!"

He would like it. Did I say he would like it? Because he would love it. The atmosphere created and well developed with such a simple plot would hold his attention well. (Is it possible to dislike Hinata in the first episode?)

It would be a great anime for him to watch because 1. It is different from what he usually sees. Unlike shounen, Haikyuu deals only with real and tangible scenarios. Of course, still with that touch of anime, but it is very easy to recognize yourself in the characters and learn from them and therefore reflect on yourself as well.

It would be great to make him think about his own insecurities and how most of them were inside his head.

He would be so immersed in the anime universe that he would have to pause the game scenes because he would be too nervous waiting for the ball to fall.

You will probably see him taking a deep breath in each drawing scene of the characters and see him truly cheering for the team as if it were a real national game.

More than that, you will see his eyes full of tears when Yamaguchi hit the serve in the match against Aoba johsai.

In fact, Yamaguchi would be his favorite character. No discussions.

"I said it would be good"

"Shut up"

"Make me"

Mikasa - Heaven’s official blessing 

A / N: I'm going to leave the trailer here because I don't know how to define it very well. It's a novel, but the story doesn't focus ONLY on that. (14+)

Okay, you didn't suggest. She did not suggest. So how do you end up watching together? You catch her watching when you come home by surprise lol

Until then, you would know that she watched some anime, but nothing romantic. Never. In fact, that was her little secret.

Although common sense is that Mikasa would be cold even in a modern au (and I agree in parts). I think she would be the type of person who loves to see the sweetest and softest things to melt alone on the couch without anyone seeing. A moment for herself and a part of her that she would not show to anyone.

You would already know about her romantic side, but seeing her under the covers sighing while watching the Netflix special episode is a totally different story.

Please don’t mock her!!. She would be red enough by the time she was discovered.

When she was less shy, she would ask if you want to watch with her. She would say she saw no problem watching it with you again since doing it with you would be a different experience.

If you accept, you would spend the rest of the night in the room sharing a blanket and absorbing the soft atmosphere, the soundtrack, and the Chinese culture so present in history.

She would not speak a lot because she was paying attention, but she would hug you all the time. In the romantic scenes, she would tighten her arms around you a little and sometimes left a kiss on your shoulder.

I think she could relate to Hua Cheng's way of loving. He is always there to protect, care for and see his lover even if sometimes Xie Lian doesn't even know.

And that is what she wants to show you, that more than a girlfriend, she is also someone you can count on.

Days later, you will see her reading the rest of the work around the house because she couldn't stand to wait for a second season.

And later, SURELY melting and vibrating while watching Mo Dao Zu Shi.

[blueink2k]

Propaganda in Death Note and How It Played Into Light’s God Complex

[This is based on information from the anime, as I have yet to read the manga for myself. Caps from or references to the manga may be included to emphasize points or provide visuals, but the version of the plot I'm referring to is taken from the anime.]

Light Yagami does not pick up the Death Note knowing he’s going to use it to commit mass murder and become the God of his New World.

Actually, he does the opposite. He kills someone to test it as he’s under the impression it isn’t real, convinces himself it was a freak coincidence, and decides to try it out in a way that will provide a more concrete conclusion. When it does end up working he’s stunned, to say the least.

“I killed them both...I killed two men. Those were human lives. I-It won’t be overlooked. Besides, who am I to pass judgment on others?”

Light Yagami, the perfect, straight-A, model student, has just confirmed he killed two people using some strange supernatural notebook that just happened to fall into his hands. He’s always believed strongly in his morals. He’s been on course his whole life to join the police force like his father an deliver justice, and here he is, an indirect murderer. 

So what does he do about it?

...He comes up with a reason to justify himself. 

The people he killed were criminals. Mere scum who do nothing but rot and infect the world. Wouldn’t everyone be better off without them? It isn’t that he’s never considered this before, he has, albeit not to the same degree as taking their deaths into his own hands. But now that he has the power to do so, why shouldn’t he? He’s smart, he’s determined. He’s capable of it.

In fact, in his mind, he’s the only one who is.

He’s kind of right. He’s the top of his class, he comes out on top in national tests, he barely even has to try. Plus, he’s the only one that has a Death Note, and therefore the power to do this. 

At this point in time, he doesn’t consider himself a god. He doesn’t want to rule the world, he just wants to change it. Something else important to note is that he doesn’t refer to himself as Kira or anything other than Light. 

...That is, until...

Websites start popping up all over claiming that whoever this mass murderer is is named “Kira”, a god among men risen to punish criminals and save the world.

Two things to note here;

Apparently, “Kira” is returning, meaning there must have been some kind of previous belief in an entity that either did something similar to Light or had the same beliefs. There isn’t any other canon mention of a previous Kira, and this in and of itself is pretty vague, but given that there’s tons of religions in real life that have never had a big breakthrough, it’s reasonable to believe this could be something similar. That, or a creepypasta. Or a cult.

Light created this understanding that he had to be the one to change the world to cope with his murders. Actually - that might be the worst way to put it, since we know how strongly he feels about justice and being given an outlet to carry out this wish of world peace just enhanced this, but nonetheless... It’s impossible to assume he’s doing all of this without even a speck of guilt. Therefore, this is the first hint of appreciation or even just acknowledgement that what he’s doing is right. 

Disregarding the first point (as interesting as I find it), this is really the first time Light is ever told what he’s doing is good. His own father - who he idolizes -considers Kira evil. His sister flat out says she hates him. Of course, this is all after Kira actually does become popular, but still, all he receives from that point on is disapproval from the people he cares the most about. The online love for Kira is all he has.

So, yeah, he probably internalizes it.

He thinks he’s doing the right thing. He thinks he’s giving others justice. He thinks he’s the only one who can do this. Others agreeing is only enhancing this. They’re the ones who call him God.

As the story progresses, Kira’s power and popularity grows. He gains direct news coverage, people begin sending him names of people to kill, his following grows. So much so, that when someone gets a Death Note and figures out that must be what he’s using, their immediate response is to find a way to contact him.

Cue Misa Amane and Sakura TV.

Sakura TV is a news program known for its unreliability. Demegawa, the director, even says he’s willing to make things up for publicity. And that’s when the Second Kira tapes arrive. 

This, however, is only the first encounter with Sakura TV.

After this, the only direct involvement the police has with it is in the Yotsuba arc, when it’s used to lure out Higuchi. Otherwise the program promotes Kira all on its own, even going so far as to create Kira’s Kingdom - half a scam for viewers’ money, half a way to get more people to see Kira as God. And it works. He gains a following of people who believe he will create a new, better world, and will even give themselves up to help him. 

An example of this following is when a mob of followers attacks the SPK under Kira’s orders. They’re so quick to join in, and are even willing to put their names and faces on TV in trust that Kira will not kill them.

All of this publicity sparks fear in the general public. People begin fearing that if they do something wrong Kira will kill them, causing crime rates to drop nearly 70% over Kira’s 6 year reign, as well as completely stopping wars.

Demegawa is eventually killed. Other news programs begin scrambling to claim the voice of Kira, topped by NHN, where we are reintroduced to Kiyomi Takada as Kira’s spokeswoman as well as one of his greatest supporters.

Light, as much as he hates Sakura TV and NHN’s depictions of Kira, uses them to his advantage as much as he can.

But really, imagine what this is all doing to him.

At the beginning, he struggled with grasping what he was doing as right. His sense of justice, righteousness, and perfectness shattered by a single notebook. But this is perfect, he figures that if he really wants to fix the world, this is one surefire way to do it. And yeah, his family hates Kira, but online he’s worshiped as God. We already know he has a pretty decent ego, and all of this is doing nothing but fueling it.

To top it all off, as he continues with his killings, his following grows. More and more people begin to support him, every single day there’s news stations upon news stations covering his story, some negative, some positive. People from all over express admiration towards him, even the President of the United States sides with him. He is literally worshiped as Kira, as God.

This all makes it sounds like his god complex starts later in the series, so to clarify; no, he does not pick up the book with plans to become God, but the second people start fueling his ego, the more twisted his ideals and motivations become. He’s the only one who can fix this rotten world. He holds the power of a god in his hands, he does what only a god can do, and everyone treats him accordingly. He is Kira, he is God.

Between websites, news programs, and his cult-like following, Light had enough attention to feed into his ego for a lifetime. He was perfect pre-Death Note. Smart, charming, set for success. There never was a time where he was particularly not narcissistic, it was just that he only felt this way inside of himself. The way he presented to others? A perfect, cool guy persona with an - in all honesty - annoying prickly jerk hiding inside. But no one ever knew this, he never let them know, and because he was always naturally successful it was more of an expectation he just met rather than surpassed, so he wasn’t consistently praised and this incredible self-esteem wasn’t propped up by anyone but himself.

To cycle back to the title of this rant-essay-analysis-whatever you’d like to call it, I want to share some examples about exactly why I even classify this news coverage and whatnot of Kira as propaganda.

Kira’s supporters cause a riot at SPK HQ under Kira’s orders and Demegawa’s direction.

Mikami providing his insight as to why he supports Kira on television, openly promoting Kira and encouraging others to join him.

Takada announces her new role as Kira’s spokesperson on NHN.

Mikami uses his power as Kira to kill members of Kira’s Kingdom, supposed followers of Kira who have been using his publicity to gain money and attention.

Most of this doesn’t exactly look like your standard propaganda posters or news story, but it does fit the overall criteria;

Information from a biased viewpoint used to promote/publicize a certain view (accepting Kira as God)

Shows exclusively positive views on Kira

Assigns Kira positive adjectives and makes him appear as good (God, savior, messenger from Hell), never considering or showing the bad

Presenting only positive statistics (Light does this in his monologue where he brings up the 70% crime rate drop, and given there’s no way he could have calculated this on his own he likely got it from one of these media sources. Not that it’s incorrect, per se, but he does fail to mention how many innocent people he’s killed in order to do this.)

Appeals to regular, everyday people by talking about how he’s doing this for the betterment of the whole world. People who are directly affected by crime are also likely positively impacted by this.

Initiates and spreads fear by explaining how Kira only attacks those who do wrong.

In the end, Light’s personal descent into his god complex, as well as his effects on the world can be attributed to many things, but it would be a crime to ignore just how big of a role news and other types of media played in this without his direct input. To think, if Light had won and overtaken the police like he was going to, he’d have absolutely no problem stepping into his shoes as God. Everyone else already set the stage, he just had to get there first.

-

This is my first Death Note analysis, so please excuse any errors, I just watched the anime for the first time and am doing my best to piece together all of the plot and especially Light’s deep characterization the best I can. If I ever read the manga or find something new, chances are this will be updated. But as for now, it’s finally finished after a week or so of procrastinating. Thank you for reading if you got this far! <3

[neptuneofthesky]

MCC 16 WINNER’S POV [RECAP]

PINK PARROTS

BADBOYHALO

DREAM

F1NNE5TER

SEAPEEKAY

Dream’s skin had a purple ribbon on it (everyone else was wearing it), I saw it on 5upp’s stream, at first I was just switching, because there was a lot of time left, I was on Bad’s munchy mc stream first, then I was on Fundy, Punz, Jack, etc, and also, George looked so freaking cool what? Then I stayed there and watched George training ponk, it was so fun to watch lmao, he literally had a stopwatch and whistle with him, then Quackity joined the server, and he was using that demonic autotune and then Quackity and Ponk and a speed bridge race, which was just chaos, and then Quackity asked for Ponk’s meat, and then they had fun in the fun zone, then Quackity turned off his autotune, and then George said that if then had fun in the fun zone he’ll give them a prize, and as you expected they had fun in the fun zone, it was really fun to watch lmao.

“Forfeit Deez Nutz bitch” - Quackity to Ponk, 2021

And then I went to Wilbur's stream for a second, where he was talking about fart spaces, then I went to Ranboo’s stream, where he was talking about that he will turn off his face cam while the actual game.

Then I went to poop.

Then I went back to George's stream, where they were just fooling around, I mean, practicing, and then Quackity said George's headband and wrist bands look like Italy but George said it was Germany.

Then George did a very very terrifying demonic laugh, I actually got scared, and then Callahan also joined the server.

“Wel,” - Quackity, 2021

“Come.” - Ponk, 2021

And then Callahan killed quackity and left the game.

And then they started fooling around, Callahan joined the game again.

“Ponk, I'm sorry I slept with your mother” - Quackity, 2021

And then Quackity and Ponk started a duel, Ponk won the first round.

“He slept with my momma!” - Ponk, 2021

Ponk also won the second round, but Quackity won the last round and then George played sad music.

And then I joined Bad’s stream, who was playing hole in the wall with Tommy and fell every. Single. Time.

And then he said that we literally don't know how much he practiced, and he said he muffined up his first mcc. And then he was just hyping himself up, he said he kind of had food poisoning.

“It’s victory or death, or maybe- maybe not death, or maybe, if I don't win, no muffins for one week.”- Badboyhalo, 2021

And then everybody left to go to the main server, and he was all alone, he didn't know there was a main server, and then he joined the main server.

“Victory tastes so much like Gatorade.” - Badboyhalo, 2021

And then he went to the burger shop, it was adorable lol.

“Everybody needs a little bit of violence in their life.” - Badboyhalo, 2021

“Violence with the spatula!” - Badboyhalo, 2021

I got scared, so I went to Dream’s stream.

Everyone was being so supportive in the chat I got emotional.

“Mcc is like Christmas morning.” - Dream, 2021

And then Seapeekay joined the call, then Bad also joined, Finn was just vibing.

And then Seapeekay gave an interview and then George and Sapnap were twerking on each other, Dream paused as he stared at them, Bad came in between them, and then George and Sapnap pretended like nothing happened.

Finn joined the call.

“I'm mugging you for your crown!” - Badboyhalo to Dream, 2021

Badboyhalo woke up and chose violence.

Also, Ranboo had 200k + viewers!

And then Dream distributed burgers and they all went to the decision dome.

Seapeekay boo-ed at build mart.

They decided to vote for grid runners, almost everyone wanted grid runners.

1st Game: Grid Runners

Dream said that he was the narrator and read the whole guide.

They decided if they had to split, Bad and Dream, and Seapeekay and Finn will stay together.

1st Challenge: Jungle Temple

They had to kill all the mobs

2nd Challenge: Bakery

They had to eat all the cakes present in the bakery

3rd Challenge: Sawmill

They had to push the gold; there were a couple of red stone powered buttons, and they had to push them at the same time to complete the challenge

4th Challenge: Wild west

They had to shoot the targets(mobs)

5th Challenge: Kitchen

They had to gather the items, like bread, steak, fish, etc

6th Challenge: Golf

There were four towers, and they had to punch each other on each tower, for example, Callum punched Bad in a tower, Callum also punched Finn and he also punched Dream to Finn, then Finn punched Dream to the final tower.

7th Challenge: Tower

They had to unlock the exit; they had to pull levers for the blocks to push ahead, as Dream complete a parkour course to reach a top to get a key and finish the challenge

8th Challenge: Prison

They had to copy a sculpture; Dream and Finn directed them, Bad and Callum placed the blocks, kind of like build mart, but the sculpture is in another room.

9th Challenge:

Just a simple race to reach the end

They ended up in 3rd place in this game!

Overall, they end up in 3rd place again.

Dream predicted that red will end up in dodgebolt.

Then he did an ad for mcc, promoting grid runners.

And then Callum and Dream went to watch the greens.

And then went to watch blue bats, who were stuck on the tower challenge. Then they hyped them up, but sadly blue couldn't complete the course, but they still did well!!

And then Rat made a barking appearance.

Niki was in the first place!!!<333 Good job Niki!!! (i smiled so hard)

And then Finn expressed excitement about mcc merch.

And then they went to decision dome,

2nd Game: Sky Battle

1st Round

They told they had a special strategy, their communication skills were looking good

Dream got 4 kills.

Bad got 1 kill.

Finn got 0 kills.

Callum got 2 kills.

They got 3rd place!

2nd Round

Ponk killed Bad

And Dream got George.

"I was a little too aggressive there." Dream, 2021

Dream got 5 kills.

Bad got 1 kill.

Finn got 1 kill.

Callum got 2 kills.

Then they re-strategized.

2nd round was really fun to watch

They ended up in 4th place!

3rd Round

The chemistry of Callum and Dream was amazing this round.

Dream got 6 kills.

Bad got 2 kills.

Finn got 2 kills.

Callum got 5 kills.

They got 6th place!

Dream was in 5th place in this game!

They were in 4th place overalls!!

Dream had a special strategy including the lava bucket, but the lava bucket was removed so it threw them off.

3rd Game: Parkour Tag

Ponk had to pee so they had to wait a little.

“You could pee on a desk!” Seapeekay and Dream, 2021

1st round

Dream was the hunter, he got them alL

Unfortunately, all the runners got hunted.

But since Dream hunted the opposite team quicker, they won this round.

2nd round

Dream was the hunter again, he also got them all quickly

This time all the runners were alive!!

They were also in the first place in the game.

3rd round

Seapeekay was hunting this time, he got them all!

The runners except Dream got hunted.

They were still in first place.

4th round

Seapeekay was he hunter again, they did the bait and switch (dream pretended he was the hunter), but he couldn't get George,

"Gogy didn't miss any jump." - Seapeekay, 20221

Finn was suddenly CRACKED in this round.

They tied but overall ended up in first place.

5th round

Seapeekay was the hunter again, he got them all

All the runners got tagged.

It was tied again, but they still won because they tagged them quicker.

They were in first place again overall!

6th round

Dream was the hunter he got them all really quickly,

All the runners got tagged by Sapnap (good job Sapnap<33)

But the pinks still won because they got them quicker.

they were in the first place again!

7th round

Finn is hunting this round, he only got 2 of the runners

All the runners got tagged by Quig!

They end up in 3rd place overall.

8th round

[Finn was doing a dream cosplay]

Seapeekay was the hunter this time, he got them all

All the runners got tagged too

But the pinks still won because they got them quicker.

They end up in second place overall.

9th round

Dream was the hunter, he got them all. (all of the reds)

All the runners were tagged too by Tommy. (good job Tommy!!)

Wilbur and dream had a… weird interaction lol

They won this time too for quickly tagging them.

They did really good this game!!

Dream was in the first place in this game!!

They ended up in 3rd place overall!!

Seapeekay complimented George's jumping skills.

They also complimented Captain Sparklz.

4th Game, TGTTOSAWAF

Seapeekay was determined to beat Philza Minecraft

Round 1

Callum - 1st (suck it Philza Minecraft)

Dream - 21st

Bad - 29th

Finn didnt get to finish, (it's alright!!<33)

Round 2

Dream - 1st

Callum - 10th

Finn - 20th

Bad - 33rd

“Knowing Tommy, he probably got in a punching match, he punched the wrong person and they were like, 'oh Tommy you are going down.' " - Dream, 2021

Round 3

Bad - 4th

Finn - 6th

Callum - 9th

Dream - 15th

They were the first team to finish and were in first place overall!!

“Where is my 1.7 trillion luck?!” - Dream, 2021

Round 4

Dream - 3rd

Callum - 11th

Finn - 15th

Bad - 18th

they were the first team to finish this time too and were also in first place overall again!!

also, Scott punched Niki off, but then he also apologized

Round 5

Finn - 10th

Callum - 12th

Dream - 20th

Bad - 39th (he could've finished early but a 'blue muffinhead' punched him off so he just bridged from the start lmao)

They were in first place overall!!

Round 6

Dream - 7th

Finn - 11th

Callum - 10th

Bad - 22nd

Their team was the second one to finish after aquas!!

They were in first place overall in the game!

Seapeakay was in 1st place, Dream was in 3rd in the game!

They were in 2nd place overall!!

Seapeekay was in all pink (he looked banger honestly)

Dream was in 2nd place overall!

Seapeekay got 3rd place overall!

5th Game: Survival Games

The twitter voting one, they told everyone to vote build mart, but then changed to sands of times (very rigged lmao, I got confused at the end)

everybody went to pee/water/etc, Dream was alone so he just stayed silent for the first minute then complemented Sapnap, and when everyone was back,

“Spinach slaps.” - Finnester, 2021

“Spinach is in the way of my screen.” - Finnester, 2021

When the game started, they did the buddy system, Seapeekay and Finn, Dream and Bad, and they technically decided to stick together.

Their communication and coordination were phenomenal.

Dream’s leadership skills, oh my god, just, perfection.

Even tho they lost, their communication was very very good.

“This whole game sticks on me” - Tommyinnit, 2021

Red rabbits were “arguing” in the chat lmao, what was really happening??

They ended up in 7th place in the game and 3rd place overall!

They all got crossbows as they all shot build mart chickens.

6th Game: Ace Race

Bad made sudden chicken noises out of nowhere making everyone laugh.

“What noise does a chicken make?” - Seapeekay, 2021

“Gobble gobble.” - Badboyhalo, 2021

“What noise does a chicken make? 'Hi I'm George.'” - Dream, 2021

“What is the national anthem for the UK?” - Badboyhalo, 2021

“Take it away Finn.”- Seapeekay, 2021

*Finn bursts out laughing*

Also, Dream did a skip at the starting of the course which got him from 18th to 3rd!

Dream - 3rd

Callum - 4th

Bad - 9th

Finn - 24th

They did really good!!

Dream had the fasted lap!

They ended up in first place this game!

They ended up in 2nd place overall!

Seapeekay in 5th, Dream in 4th overall!!

7th Game: Build Mart (tubbo cringe /j)

Tubbo fell in the decision dome and punched the chickens in build mart even tho most of the teams didnt want build mart.

"sapnap: tubbo SUCKS

tubbo: hi sapnap"

I was so confused the whole time, I kind of spaced out lmao, like build mart makes my head hurt not even joking.

They got 7th place in build mart!

They got 2nd place overall!!

aquas dunked pinks lol

8th Game: Sands Of Times

I don't really know how to explain sands of times, but it was super fun to watch, so I suggest you go watch it!! Their coordination and communication was super cool

"badboyhalo looks at a ravager: it's the rhino thingy! Is it a triceratop?"

And that sudden music in it, my soul left my body not even joking

Their team coins were 5439!

Dream three 3 tomatoes at Tommy,

Dream asked Niki if she wanted to throw tomatoes at anyone she wants, but she was beating herself up, Niki you did good<33

They got second place overall!! (8th place reddit? really?)

then something happened with dream's nails

The Final Showdown: Dodgebolt

Purple Pandas vs Pink Parrots

First-Round

Punz, Puffy, and Ponk cheered Bad up through the chat.

Fruit got Seapeekay

Dream got Fruit (get the birthday boy lmao)

Scott got Bad

Dream got Scott

Punz cheered Dream up through the chat

Then Dream also got Grian, and Joel (smallishbeans)

Puffy cheered up the pinks through the chat

Pinks won the first round!

“I'm putting my blood sweat and tears into this!” - Dream, 2021

Dream was literally bleeding and laughing at the same time lmao

Second-Round

Fruit got Dream

Grian got Bad

Fruit got Seapeekay

Ant and Spifey cheered Finn up through the chat.

Finn got Fruit

Finn got Scott

Joel got Finn

Jack cheered up Finn thought the chat

Purple won the second round!

Thrid-Round

Dream got Scott

Fruit got Bad

Callum got Joel

Dream got Fruit

Grian got Dream

Grian got Seapeekay

Dream told Finn to take his time, and immediately after he said that Finn got Grian

Pink won the third round!

Final-Round

When Dream was taking his time to shoot Fruit, Tommy said, "time wastr"

Joel got Bad

Callum got Scott

Dream got Grain

Callum got Joel

And then Dream fucking fell in the lava

Great birthday present Dream

Everyone was very surprised as Dream just said that game was too hard and he wanted to make it easier for Fruit

Fruit got Callum

And then Finn got Fruit immediately!!

PINK PARROTS FOR THE WIN!!

(its 3 20 am here but i still silently screamed lmao)

[Dream will donate 21000 dollars to cancer research! Sam, Skeppy, Tapl, Finn, are also gonna match/donate!]

“I’m shaking very very hard.” - Finnester, 2021

Sapnap joined their call, Scott also joined their call, and then just discussed the game.

And sadly Scott won't paint Seapeekays’s coin pink.

Puffy and Punz raided Bad.

And they again talked about the event and stuff.

Then I may or may not have switched to George's kinoko kingdom 'lore' with Karl 👀

Then I went back to Bad, who was thanking everybody, and Bad, you were not the dead weight, you popped off, no one was the dead weight, everybody did very poggers!

Then he called skeppy, and then they talked, their 'muffiny talks'

It was honestly so cute

And then he joined the call of others, who were just discussing the game, then they talked about Sylvie popping off, I kind of stopped paying attention, I was very very sleepy.

Then they talked about how the four muffinteers should team up for the next mcc.

I'm sorry, I would’ve elaborated more, but my health wasn't the best sorry :(

They just discussed the game and all.

And

What

The

Fuck

was happening on George’s stream?

Well, it was just plain chaos, but I was still watching it.

It was 4 am by then

and I was very much sleep-deprived.

when dream fell in the lava in dodgebolt, most of the other teams thought he did that on purpose

they really popped off in parkour tag (Dream and Seapeekay were CRACKED) and the way Finn suddenly cracked in the fourth round was phenomenal,

they ALSO popped off in tgttosawaf (Bad did so good except in the 6th round lmao)

their communication was good in survival games, but they were more on the defensive side, and they just jumped in when there was a crowd, like seapeekay said, they should’ve just waited for clean up.

but they crushed sands of times!! (Bad especially)

their communication in grid runners was really good, they figured everything out really quickly

their chemistry in sky battle was also good, maybe if lava bucket wasn't removed, they would've popped off more

and I wasn't really sure about ace race, but they all popped off, like seriously

and build mart just made my head physically hurt

I wasn't really feeling well, but I had really fun watching it!!

And once again,

CONGRATS PINK PARROTS!!!

[magnoliapip]

Potential Open Heart Love Interests Who Were Wasted

By now, we all understand that Pixelberry has wasted every single fragment of potential that the Open Heart series had. Frequently overshadowed by aimless plotlines and unbalanced attention toward the four love interests we had is the vast array of potential love interests the OH series could have had. This list is the top 10 (yes, 10) love interests PB wasted. This means that this list will not be discussing the wasted potential in the four love interests we were handed (Bryce, Jackie, Rafael and Ethan).

Please note that some of these (especially toward the bottom) are included more for fan service than for actual wasted potential. Also, these are all my own opinions. Please feel free to share your own! There may be spoilers below. Viewer discretion is advised!

---------

#10 -- Baz Mirani

Not introduced until Book 2 of the Open Heart series, Baz is the friendlier and more outgoing of the two Doctors Mirani. One of the top in his field of immunology, Baz manages to balance his intellect with an easygoing nature. A relaxed positivity that almost comes off as too much. He was never really around enough, nor did he have the right interactions with MC in the series to feel like a fully developed love interest. However, after having the options in another PB book Laws of Attraction, it might have been interesting to see how it would turn out if MC could hook up with Baz.

#9 -- June Hirata

Also not introduced until Book 2, Dr. Hirata is a ruthless force to be reckoned with. A cunning behavior psychologist and brilliant neurologist, one can never really know what to expect from June, though this is mostly because no one can tell if her actions are genuine. After MC is told how June “earned” her place on the diagnostics team, it becomes clear that she will stop at nothing to get what she wants. Honestly, the prospect of having that directed toward MC...yeah, I want it. Badly. The only reason she isn’t higher on the list is because of her social inconsistency..

#8 -- Zaid Mirani

One of two senior residents introduced to the MC in book 1, Zaid is partly responsible for managing the interns. Zaid is the more blunt of the Mirani twins and can come off as an ass. He’s also shown to have a softer side that comes out in increasing increments throughout the series culminating in a touching moment in book 3. Once more, Zaid isn’t someone the MC interacts with a whole lot throughout the books, acting more as a recurring character to pop up once or twice a book, but I think that is a crock. I wanted more Zaid and I’m sorry we didn’t get it.

#7 -- Elijah Greene

A fellow intern at Edenbrook Hospital, MC meets Elijah in book 1 along with the rest of their group of friends. Elijah quickly becomes a steadfast friend and even a roommate. Clearly a brilliant doctor with a future in research, Elijah balances this with his upbeat personality and love of science fiction and gaming. Characters like Elijah often get relegated to the realm of being a best friend and it might have been nice to see him opened up as a possible love interest. He’s fiercely loyal, as seen by his defense in book 2 at the baseball game, and is steadfastly determined to get where he wants to be. There’s a lot to be admired in Elijah, but considering PB dropped his canon love interest, Phoebe, I shouldn’t be surprised that he was never an option anyway.

#6 -- Sienna Trinh

Sienna is literally the best.

I should just end it there because anyone who has read the series knows, but for the sake of this list…Sienna is an ally of MC’s right from the moment they meet, when Sienna helps get MC out of a sticky situation. This perfectly encompasses Sienna’s character. She spends the entire series taking care of everyone but herself and being just the sweetest, kindest, most amazing baker and chinchilla mommy that exists. After what happens in book 1 and book 2 with both of her canon love interests, well, #Siennadeservesbetter. And I think her fellow dolphin would have been the perfect person for her. 

The only reason she is so far down on the list is because she does make such an incredible best friend.

#5 -- Harper Emery

The female older mentor to match Ethan. Harper would have been in a more compromised position, not just being a direct superior to MC like Ethan, but also being the Chief of Medicine for the hospital. As an admin, watching her toe the line between desire and propriety would have been just *chef’s kiss*. Instead, her role was consigned to being the family member too hard on their younger charge, projecting what she wants but can’t have onto Aurora. Now that I think about it, that last sentence makes me want it even more.

Besides, it would have been another female love interest rather than the one that we seem to get every book and a woman of color at that.

#4 -- Landry Olsen

I know what you’re thinking but just hear me out for a second and then you can eviscerate me in the comments.

Landry is a character that has me torn in more ways than one. First, I love the twist in book 1 where we see him for who he “truly is”. It was unexpected and a lovely change.

That notwithstanding, I was also deeply saddened to see yet another promising story not come to pass. See, there aren’t many characters like Landry who are so incredibly awkward but also come off as friendly. It was a lovely change of pace and it would have been amazing, just the sweetest, to see MC bring Landry out of his shell. MC could have helped Landry gain confidence to do far more than talk to the girl across the bar. Before the end of the book, he would have been having a full ass conversation with Ethan and maybe even mustering up the bravery to ask MC out. All of the pieces were there, either as platonic friend or love interest. Instead, Landry lived long enough to see himself become the villain. But my friends to lovers slowburn adoring heart will always have a piece longing for what could have been. Judge me if you will.

#3 -- Tobias Carrick

Originally introduced in book 2 to be to Ethan what Mass Kenmore is to Edenbrook, Tobias’ story takes a flip once book 3 comes around. Immediately compelling from the get go, Tobias shows a charming competitive nature sprinkled with arrogance, grey morality, and a devilish side. Tobias’ personality would either be completely in line with MC or completely against MC depending on how you tend to play the game. Both are completely valid and interesting options. Even before the infamous beet puns in book 3, Tobias made me want to know more. Tobias was the ultimate character in the Open Heart series that would have made a perfect one night stand. Alas, it seems we’ll never know more and must stick to the fantastic fanfiction writers on sites like this to sate us.

#2 -- Aurora Emery

Let me tell you, the line between #’s 1 and 2 is so thin it’s barely there. Those two are so close I almost can’t distinguish which one I wanted more. Aurora is first presented to MC and the gang as an intern who seems like she may become an antagonist of the series. As Book 1 presses on, we start to see Aurora in a whole new light. MC comes to understand why Aurora has the cold and closed off personality she does and when given the chances later in the series, Aurora opens up into almost an entirely different person as she finds herself outside of the expectations of her family.

Aurora is a brilliant doctor very nearly on the same level as MC and later seems to become a parallel to MC for what Tobias is to Ethan. Thankfully Aurora and MC’s relationship is a lot less volatile, but those brief fireworks make me really wish Aurora and MC would have officially been a thing. I feel like PB was weighing the option for a while but decided against it, much to their detriment.

However, I had to push Aurora down for one specific reason to come in the explanation for #1. And #1 is…

#1 -- Farley the Landlord

Be honest. After having Landry on this list, you thought this was a serious entry for a second, didn’t you? Just kidding!

(the real) #1 -- Kyra Santana

Kyra meets MC for the first time when Ethan dubiously introduces her to them because Kyra broke her arm in an accident. Right from the start, Kyra is an incorrigible flirt, obviously egged on by her cancer diagnosis and fear of death. Kyra has such an incredible story. Throughout books 1 and 2, Kyra is an incredible friend to MC and it breaks my heart that PB dropped her romantic storyline the way they did.

This is why Kyra edged out Aurora for #1. Going back and re-reading book 1, it’s always obvious that Kyra was meant to be a love interest. I’m not sure what stopped them from going forward with it. I’d like to think it had something to do with potential backlash for having a patient and their doctor get involved, but I think it has more to do with being a woman or a woman of color than anything else. Which is a damned shame. We stan Kyra Santana in this house and I wanted to leave with her at the end of book 2.

----

So what do you all think? Do you agree with any of my placements? Vehemently disagree with others? I wrote this at 2am when I couldn’t sleep and didn’t bother to proofread before posting so you’re welcome.

Let me know below and cross your fingers for the finale of Open Heart book 3 coming later today!!

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

so I wrote most of this...four days ago, and then somehow didn’t get around to finishing it until just now, which feels super weird because after writing this I started getting worried about future episodes again for a variety of reasons, and of course now we’re at T minus 10 minutes? (honestly if I’m somehow late for my own funeral I’m pretty sure no one will be surprised.) but I still wanted to post this to go over some of what I liked so much about episode 4, even if...I am no longer anywhere near as confident as I was a few days ago about where the show might be going. whatever.

***

I’ve done almost nothing for the past day or so except chew over episode 4 some more, partly trying to figure out why I liked it so much when it was broadly very divisive, and I realized that a lot of what I’ve been feeling from this episode is relief.

the thing is I’ve been paranoid since at least Infinity War about Marvel doing setup that looks like it’ll lead to a big payoff and then nothing (Loki’s death, but also Gamora’s and maybe Vision’s, and the general fact that the “fix” to IW was convoluted, took place much later, and caused as many problems as it solved, and just, Endgame in general), so I don’t really trust Marvel that way anymore. plus Marvel has pretty badly fumbled a lot of different things in the past, especially on various social issues, by introducing unfortunate implications that apparently didn’t occur to them even though they’re obvious to literally everyone else...stuff like Thanos’s “sacrifice” of Gamora, or how the Flag-Smashers were portrayed and Karli was a villain for no real reason, or how it would’ve been so easy to add a couple lines in WandaVision that would fix the whole thing where the Maximoffs weren’t just whitewashed but they also voluntarily worked with Nazis and they whiffed that too. 

so, while I’ve been enjoying the show, a lot of that enjoyment has been based on meta I’ve seen and me sort of going “this interpretation is really cool and it makes a lot of sense, but at this point I can’t know if it’s something the showrunners are doing on purpose or if they sorta accidentally implied depth where there wasn’t any and it’s not actually leading anywhere” with things like the TVA being very clearly authoritarian but also supposedly the good guys, Loki being constantly described as an awful person, Loki sometimes being manic or incompetent, etc. etc. etc., along with the similar interpretation of “sure, we fans know all this stuff about how Loki is not an awful person actually, thanks, and the people who arrested him aren’t automatically Good Guys just because they’re in opposition to him but casual viewers--including not-casual-but-not-fannish viewers who should really know better--have not figured any of this out and so the show needs to go out of its way to demonstrate things that are obvious to us” but I wasn’t sure. the second half of episode 1 made me feel pretty good about where the show was headed as far as Loki’s characterization and emotions were concerned, but the more lighthearted aspects of 2 and 3 had me wondering again.

so then what happens in this episode?

the TVA goes fully mask off. the Time-Keepers are in fact fake, the Sacred Timeline by extension is also basically fake, the people who work there are all variants, the ones we know (C-20, B-15, Mobius) show grief and anger over the lives that were stolen from them, Sylvie is arrested as a child who did absolutely nothing wrong (and then put through the same process Loki was in episode 1, which is cool because a lot of it was kinda played for laughs then but showing the same things happening to an innocent child also serves to reframe what happened to Loki as, hmm, not that funny after all maybe!), Renslayer is willing to prune innocent people--friends and coworkers, even--just because they learned too much, all the sinister propaganda WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SINISTER

Loki gets very serious very fast in this episode. he displays a lot of genuine emotion and trauma but he mostly does it in a calculated way that shows just how fast his brain works and how he’s always, always thinking about what other people want/expect from him. (like--even the complaint about too few guards seems to fall into that category, given that he only says it after Mobius insists he must be wanting to make some kind of quip!) his self-image is garbage but through Sylvie he’s starting to maybe work on that. he goes up against multiple armed enemies while completely unarmed and holds his own until he gets a weapon. he pushes back when it matters and doesn’t just accept everything Mobius throws at him. he lies, pretty competently (the fact that Mobius doesn’t believe him is...really not his fault, considering Mobius wouldn’t believe him at first about the truth either, so I’m pretty sure he wasn’t planning to believe anything Loki outright told him), when it actually matters, primarily in what sure seems like an attempt to protect someone he cares about.

and Mobius. says that Loki WAS RIGHT. ABOUT THE TVA. FROM THE BEGINNING!!! I would still love to hear him say explicitly, look, I said a lot of shitty things to you and tossed in some actual physical torture at the end there oops but the vast majority of it was stuff I didn’t really mean and was only saying to get a reaction and/or information and of course it turns out I was wrong about all the TVA stuff, so I want to say for the record that I was wrong about you personally in many different ways and I’m sorry. (which, honestly, would probably be very awkward for both of them because I doubt Loki has much experience receiving genuine apologies.) but I’m mostly okay with it if he doesn’t, because I feel like you were right from the beginning, and by the way you can be whatever you want does a decent job of implying most of that. (...enough for casual viewers to pick up on it? well, I’m not hoping for miracles but sure, probably some of them.)

in other words? all that stuff the casual viewers were missing (not helped by misleading statements from the showrunners), about the TVA so clearly being bad guys, and Loki being a pretty decent person who presents different versions of himself in different situations and also has some shitty coping mechanisms, and the other Loki variant also not being evil just because they were trying to take down the TVA? we were right. that is, in fact, how the showrunners intended all those things to be taken. they didn’t want to come right out with that stuff at first because they wanted to tell a story and have some twists, and the fact that these things were twists for casual viewers is exactly why it was frustrating to a lot of fans, because it felt like obvious things were being misrepresented or overlooked. I still think that’s reasonable, because see above on why Marvel doesn’t necessarily deserve that trust, but at this point I’m a lot more comfortable believing that this specific show more or less knows what it’s doing.

I mean, yeah, there were some cool fan theories that went nowhere, like the whole thing with the broken TemPad, and I agree that was dumb and it’s very annoying that it really was just sloppy writing, but I guess specific things like that just...don’t bother me as much as more systemic, overarching elements like the characterization of Loki and the TVA. and yes, of course I’ll always be annoyed that we’re apparently never going to get explicit confirmation that Loki’s alliance with Thanos was coerced at best. but, you know, what we got isn’t nothing. 

[niallloverontheloose]

“Stop ignoring or sidelining Scott McCall when he is the true alpha and the main fucking character of Teen Wolf!”

LOL the fuck is Scott/Posey Stans’ problem https://scintalla.tumblr.com/post/650697822782586880/i-am-really-done-with-the-tw-fandom-i-mean-this

https://scintalla.tumblr.com/post/650260868277370880/scott-mccall-is-not-dumb

@scintalla:

I am really done with the TW fandom. I mean, this post isn’t about ALL fans of Teen Wolf but the majority have just ruined my experience in this fandom. Keep in mind that these are my opinions which I’m sharing and not a personal attack on anyone. So here’s why I’m fed up with both the fandom and even the show to an extent:

1) The hatred towards Scott McCall is just appalling. I genuinely can’t think of a reason why anyone would hate this precious ray of sunshine who is always trying to protect everyone. Like is a 16 year old and doesn’t know everything about being a werewolf the second he was bitten? *Lol, he’s so ‘dumb’.* Doesn’t immediately trust Derek because he has no reason to? *Poor Derek Scott is such a 'meanie’* Doesn’t abandon Allison the moment Derek tells him to because the latter is a stranger and Allison doesn’t even know about her family being hunters? *Everything is Scott’s 'fault’.* Makes a masterplan to defeat Gerard and save everyone? *Fandom shrugs and continues to make everything about Stiles* His ex girlfriend dies in his arms? *Fandom cries a tear and moves on to fawn on Void! Stiles* Saves everyone in the show, becomes the true alpha from the merit of his character *Fandom closes its eyes and fawns over one liners that Stiles threw* Literally dies and is attacked by his best friend for not saving his father when he was DEAD? *Poor Stiles, Scott is such a bad friend. Why can’t he just do everything according to how Stiles wants him to? Who cares that even Stiles himself trusted Theo and confided in him only about having to kill Donovan and never clarifies to Scott that he did it in self defense.* Like I can go on and on about how much of Scott’s trauma and pain are shrugged off because of fandom’s obsession with Stiles and even the show makes it appear as if it was Scott’s fault somehow that he died and couldn’t save Stiles’ father. I’m so tired. Tyler Posey was so good at playing Scott and his performance is ignored by 99.99% of the fandom.

2) KIRA YUKIMURA DESERVED BETTER! She was treated so badly by both the fandom AND the show! People were continually comparing her and Allison even though Allison was okay with Scott moving on and even teamed up with Kira in 'De- Void’ episode. And why can’t Scott move on? Allison wouldn’t have wanted Scott to mope over her forever. And Kira’s story and character development are thrown in trash and she isn’t even mentioned in season 6! Like, I’m not mad that she chose herself over Scott because it’s okay but they could have spent AT LEAST five minutes to talk about Kira and where she was and how she was doing. And the fandom’s unwarranted dislike of her even though the show had made it clear that she isn’t Allison’s 'replacement’ or whatever reasons people use to justify their hatred of her. Like she is a sweetheart, her relationship with Scott was cute and healthy and she doesn’t deserve any hate thrown towards her. Arden Cho portrayed her so well and I hate that she was treated like this by both fandom and writers of the show.

3) Malia Tate is treated so badly by the fandom that even I was surprised by the venom hurled towards her. Malia spent eight years as a coyote, so obviously she doesn’t know how to handle complex human emotions that even teenagers struggle with. And she does better than expected . She is not an 'unsupportive’, 'abusive’ girlfriend that toxic Stydia (i.e. not ALL stydia shippers, only the toxic ones) shippers make her out to be. She even figured out that Stiles had killed Donovan in self defense and said she didn’t judge him for it. And what did she get in return? She was ditched by her boyfriend for her efforts. And no, it’s not toxic that she was jealous of Lydia and Stiles because she was just dumped and wasn’t given closure over it, so obviously she isn’t going to be okay that her boyfriend was moving on so quickly. Like it’s not ideal but it’s not the worst thing. And even if you don’t ship stalia, you have no reason to hate on her. Just ship your ship and leave others who don’t agree with your personal opinion alone.

I haven’t even scratched the tip of the iceberg but these were the only ones that came to my mind. The blatant sexism and racism from the fans really saddens me and I wouldn’t be so mad if actors like Tyler Posey, Arden Cho, Shelley Hennig etc.. weren’t hated on for doing their literal jobs. Like, I’m not telling you to hate Stiles or Derek (which is impossible as it is when it comes to TW fandom) or tell you to stop shipping Sterek and Stydia (There’s nothing wrong with the ships inherently but I wish its stans weren’t so hell bent on making everything in TW about their ship). Only that you stop hating poc, female characters for no valid reasons and stop excusing your white faves’ problematic actions because they cried about it once or whatever. Like no wonder why white men are able to get away with the worst shit while poc and women suffer for no fault of theirs and hated on for things they can’t control; like their race or gender.

//

“I’M NOT TELLING YOU TO LIKE SCOTT AND HATE STILES AND DEREK” Antis screech at the top of their ragged lungs as they proceed to hate Stiles and Derek for daring to eclipse their whiny fav Scott from day one without even trying, throw a temper tantrum because everyone – including the whole Teen Wolf cast and their bitter flop fav Tyler Posey himself – prefers Stiles and Derek to Scott, and go out of their delusional way to twist and/or erase canon in order to blame Stiles and Derek for Scott’s own canonical toxic actions and behavior.

I also luv the way they try to paint Tyler Posey as a poor mistreated, sidelined, discriminated victim and pretend to give a shit about Arden Cho and Kira Yukimura as if Posey hasn’t been texting Jeff Davis begging his buddy to give him a job for the past five years and didn’t refer to Kira as “a good distraction for Scott”

@scintalla post is another proof that Scott Stans never watched an episode of the actual show:

“Scott makes a masterplan to defeat Gerard and saves everyone? Fandom shrugs and continues to make everything about Stiles”

Except that Scott didn’t save anyone in Master Plan – Stiles, Peter and Lydia did – and failed to kill Gerard. The only thing Scott achieved with his dumb excuse of a plan was prompting his buddy Gerard to order the Kanima to slaughter everyone in the warehouse, including Scott.

“His ex girlfriend dies in his arms? Fandom cries a tear and moves on to fawn over Void Stiles”

Did you notice how Scott/Posey Stans, just like Tyler Posey and Jeff Davis, try to make Allison’s heroic death all about Scott? Also: the Teen Wolf fandom can call the show writers out for shitting on Allison and making her heroic death all about her toxic ex boyfriend AND fawn over Stiles and Void Stiles at the same time. Just saying 😘

“Scott saves everyone in the show, becomes the true alpha from the merit of his character” Lmfao sure Jan! Like, everyone knows Jeff Davis came up with that true alpha nonsense last minute just to make his self insert Scott a little less irrelevant. But go off I guess

“Who cares that even Stiles himself trusted Theo and confided in Scott only about having to kill Donovan and never clarifies to Scott that he did it in self defense”

1) Stiles never trusted Theo. Theo himself had no problem admitting that Stiles was smart enough not to trust him. Unlike Scott, who fell for Theo’s cheap lies and got played by Theo like a cheap kazoo throughout Season 5 #Oops

2) Scott is neither Stiles’ dad, alpha, nor authority figure. Stiles is not obligated to share his traumas with a toxic friend if he doesn’t want to

3) Scott’s the one who yells “B-b-but it is not self defense anymore!” at Stiles in Lies of Omission

“I can go on and on about how much of Scott’s trauma and pain are shrugged off because of fandom’s obsession with Stiles… Tyler Posey was so good at playing Scott and his performance is ignored by 99.99% of the fandom”

If Scott/TP Stans are so butthurt that everyone is in love and obsessed with Stiles and Void Stiles instead of paying attention to superior true alpha Scott, then why don’t they take their jealousy and frustrations out on Posey? Tyler Posey is just as in love and obsessed with Dylan O’Brien, Stiles and Void Stiles as everyone else is (if not more.)

As for @scintalla & Scott McCall defense squad circle jerk whining and throwing a tantrum cause “Posey’s performance got ignored”, well… they should be fucking grateful everyone – including critics, fans, viewers, the whole Teen Wolf cast, and Posey himself – were too busy praising and gushing all over Star & Breakout Star of the show Dylan O’Brien’s phenomenal acting talent to pay attention to Tyler Posey’s cringe worthy attempts at acting

[leviackercanon]

Levi wakes up after the explosion injuries and find out the s/o is taking care of him. I really like this page 💎💎💎

So sorry for leaving you unanswered in my box 😭 I ran away Tumblr during a looong period 😰 I hope you are doing well anon ❤️

S P O I L E R S B E L O W (don't read if you aren't in the scan 115 and more/you are an anime viewers only

ps : My english isn't perfect, sorry 🙏

❀ Headcanons : Levi with his S/O when he woke up after the explosion

note : you are free to imagine if you are a civilian or soldate

context : Levi was on duty in the giant forest where he had to keep an eye on Zeke, in order to not let him escape and meet Eren. But Zeke transformed Levi's comrades in titans, and when Levi thought he succeeded to stop him with a thunder spear, Zeke killed himself with it and created an explosion that caught Levi, then badly injured. He was saved by Hanji.

Levi made two promises in his fucking entire life.

First? Killing Zeke to avenge Erwin and all his dead comrades during the battle of Shiganshina.

Second?

To protect you.

You, his love, you who understand him the most, you who bring him light and warmth in his cold and harsh very existence. You who would melt him inside with your smile

But now, two things didn't happen as he planned... And he was hating himself.

Everyone would call him the humanity's strongest, everyone put their hope in his shoulder, (including you) and now he couldn't believe he lost to Zeke.

He had one fucking mission. Watching Zeke. But he never thought that the beast titan would be ready to kill himself with the thunder spear. He never thought he would go that far, and he was full of guilt to have failed that mission

He didn't care of the pain that was burning his entire body, especially his two legs. He didn't care about his painful face, he didn't give a shit about his suffering... Because his mind was far away, worrying about you.

You were supposed to be in town with everyone else, but now that he let Zeke escape, people in town and you, Y. O. U, would be in danger.

He couldn't let that happen, even though he was hardly feeling the bottom on his body, he had to get up!

All his worrying was making his convalescence useless. He was in the dark. He was suffering. He was half conscious, but the thought of you being in danger because of him was unacceptable for him

Yet... as he was slowly emerging from his convalescence... He suddenly felt a soft touch on his cheek

And at this contact, his slowly opened an eye... as he couldn't open his other eye. His vision was at first blurry, but soon, he recognized two faces in front of him.

Hanji and you. You who were caressing his face, tears on your eyes, because you couldn't stand to see how injured your loved one was.

Levi couldn't believe it. Was he dreaming?... no he wasn't.

Relief was a weak word to describe his feelings right now.

He wanted to say your name but his throat went painful, and you immediately rushed to give him a little bit of water

... S.O... Is... that... Y...

Levi, shh, you should rest, Hanji and I... We... we... we will take care of your... Your.. S-s-s-scares...

You were trying so hard on not to cry while putting medical médecine on every of his wounds... and bandaging his right hand where two fingers were now missing

Levi's mind was still confusing after the explosion and his sudden wake up, but he couldn't stand to see you crying for him. At this rate, he didn't care of his wounds, not only he let Zeke escape, but he was making you cry? He was upset at himself

He has always been astronger than the others

But for the first time, being unable to get up, while his dear S/O and his friend hanji were taking care of his wounds at his sides, he felt p. o. w. e. r. l. e. s. s

And for the humanity's strongest, it was the worst feeling ever to not be able to protect his loves one

He felt like he didn't deserve your kindness, your soft touch on his skin, your love.

Was he too hard on himself? Definitely. And the reason was that he was a soldier in a war era, and while he wouldn't accept failures from others in order to protect the humanity of the island, today, he failed at everything.

I'm... not dead yet... S/O... Don't... Don't cry... Oi...

He used a soft tone, the soft tone just when he was with you. He wanted to get up and take you in his arms so damn hard but he knew he wouldn't be able to stand up yet.

Weak.

He was weak.

And he was full of rage against Zeke for that... and himself.

'Zeke, I'm done with you. I will make you pay for this, you shitty disgusting titan' he thought

But as soon as his thought that, his eyes went on you and he felt for a second more relaxed

Even injured and as his lowest, you were at his side, taking care of him

Your loyalty, your love, your kindness, your honesty, he loved everything in you, and for a moment, while watching you bandaging him...

He thought that it would be nice to stay with you here, in the forest, away from the war

But he didn't have the right to think that

He let Zeke fucking escape. He put the people in town in danger. He had a promise to keep to Erwin. He was the fucking caporal. He had to assume his shitty mistakes. With two fingers missing or not

However... He didn't want to make you suffer more.

He wanted to make you a happy woman. No, more, a happy spouse, he wanted to give you a life full of love and happiness, and deep in his heart, he was longing for that life with you.

Before knowing you, he never had this thoughts. Happy life wouldn't be for him, he had just one purpose in life : putting his strength to help humanity... But now, you gave him the sweet taste of love and he wanted that

Though, deep in his heart too... He had a duty to respect.

And if stopping Zeke, even his miserable state, would save your life and people's lives in town...

He had to do it.

Because your safety was more important than everything else.

In his life where death would follow him and take every of his loves one and comrades...

He wanted you to live.

Two endings, you are the S/O, you pick your end ❤️

Somehow, you convince Levi to stay in the forest and rest, and you stay together while Hanji and Levi's squad, Marley allies and Onyankopon go to stop the rambling 💗

You let Levi go with Hanji/you go with them to stop the rambling... Isayama will decide on his fate 😰😰

I never expect myself to do a headcanon that dark hahaha... But I wanted to respect Levi's character first! If it's not good, don't hesitate to comment and I will try to change things ❤️

[tv-music]

Umbrella Academy Review 1.08

I Heard A Rumour

We begin the episode joining Alison on her drive to find Vanya and warn her about her murderous boyfriend. During the long and lonely drive Alison finds herself thinking about the past, the fact that she used her power on her daughter is not new information, but as we heard the various things she’s used her power to get it's no wonder she doesn’t know if anything in her life is real - ‘I heard a rumour that you loved me’ - really Alison? 

As she’s looking for Vanya she comes across the crime scene from the night before and lies to the cop about some research she's doing for a movie in order to tag along on his investigation. They visit the hospital and speak with the surviving thug, and yep shocker, Leonard set the whole thing up. Later in the episode it’s revealed that the last survivor has left the hospital but no one seems to know where he is. Alison is told to stay put by the cop but after finding out her sister is no longer at the hospital either she leaves to find her

Leonard and Vanya are checking out of the hospital when Vanya hears that 2 of the 3 men she involved in the incident the night before have died, that's pretty big news to take in and Leonard didn’t even flinch - seriously Vanya you’re still not wary of this guy? Back at the cabin, Leonards reading through Reginald’s journal and we’re treated to a flashback of Vanya’s training, it seems as though Vanya never really managed to control it. During her next practice in the forest, Vanya finally realises what it is that fuels her power and taps into it, this time on purpose. Later in the day Vanya has a moment of panic and decides to practice her violin as Leonard is out

Back at the academy Klaus is still sober and shares his conversation with their Dad with his siblings, he killed himself to bring them back together (Klaus’s delivery of that line made what should have been a serious scene quite funny) His brothers aren’t convinced at first until Pogo finally tells them the truth about that night. Five finally asks the question that I’ve been wondering, just how did their Dad know about the apocalypse, of course they don’t really have the answer to it or the time to wonder about it too much, they only have a couple days at best after all

Diego’s still in jail after his arrest but as it turns out not everyone is convinced of his guilt and he finds his way out. He gets back to the house and wastes no time in telling Five and Klaus that their sister is in trouble, they go to find Luther who is still feeling sorry for himself and drowning his sorrows - seriously what part of worlds going to end in 2 days does he not understand? He doesn’t want to help at all, that is of course until they tell him Alison’s gone after a convicted killer by herself and then he’s literally running out the door to help

Cha Cha’s broken free and determined to make good on her threat to Hazel, she heads straight for Agnes’s diner and blows it up - Hazel should be afraid cus she means business

Alison makes it back to the cabin and finds Vanya alone there, Vanya reveals to her that she does have a power and Alison tells her the truth about Leonard and tries to get her to leave. Look, I know it’s been a rough week for Vanya, her Dad’s death, reuniting with her siblings, meeting Leonard and discovering she has a power which she then uses which inadvertently causes the death of 2 people, but seriously why is she arguing with Alison about who Leonard really is? They’ve known each other for 5 or 6 days at most, what possible reason would Alison have for making this up?

There's a series of flashbacks in this episode, showing Vanya’s training up to and including the events that led to Reginald making her and everyone else think she was ‘ordinary’ but the final of these flashbacks is revealed to us and to Vanya by Alison. Alison explains that she was brought to the chamber Vanya was being kept in as she was ‘sick’ and her father asked her to rumor her into thinking she was just ordinary - this explains why Vanya has no memory of having a power in the first place. 

I’m sorry but Vanya’s reaction to this is just ridiculous, I get it, like I said before she’s had a bad week but blaming Alison for something their Dad made them do when they were 4 is completely unfair - no Vanya, Alison didn’t do this to you, your Dad did, Alison was a child who was manipulated by an adult, even you must be able to see that. 

This revelation led to an increasingly volatile argument between the sisters as Vanya’s emotions raged and she lost control of her powers, trying the only thing she knew Alison attempted to rumour her, but before she could get the words out, Vanya lashed out and slit her throat. There was instant regret, as this action brought Vanya back to herself and she desperately tried to stop the bleeding, before Leonard arrived and dragged her away from her sister, leaving Alison bleeding out on the floor alone. If that doesn’t wake Vanya up to who he really is then nothing will. 

It’s not clear how long it’s been between Vanya leaving and the brothers arriving, but when they do Luther rushes to Alison who seems to be still alive - I’ve said before that I don’t feel any real fear when it comes to main characters being in dangerous situations (the exception being GOT and any viewer of that show will understand why) and to be honest, I’m not too worried about Alison. This is a show about people with supernatural abilities and therefore I’m sure there will be some way to save her life, the fact that she was still alive when the episode ended supports this. The moment itself however was shocking and made me physically gasp - it was a truly holy shit moment. I’m not sure what I was expecting in the moment Vanya learned the truth or how she would react but I sure as hell didn’t think she would turn on her sister in such a vicious way - it really did seem like something else had taken over Vanya in those moments, like it wasn’t really her, and if her Dad had seen her turn like that too when she was younger I hate to say it but maybe he did what he thought was best at the time. I still disagree with his actions, hiding her powers from her and treating her so awfully throughout their childhood, but I can see the reasoning behind it

Extra Thoughts

I really enjoyed the animation at of the Umbrella Academy during Alison’s bedtime story to her daughter 

Was it just me or did Reginald look genuinely afraid of Vanya at one point during her training? - I noted this down while watching the training scene and now I’ve seen the episodes ending it makes a lot of sense

I’m sure I’ve said this before but the music choices in this show are incredible - that whole department deserves a raise 

It was nice to see an episode revolving around the women of the academy but I did miss Five and Klaus not having as much to do this episode

[orionsangel86]

“I Think It’s Time For Me To Move On”

...And Other Things That Have Destroyed Me This Weekend...

So there is this common trope within love stories which generally happens at the end of the second act in which everything goes wrong and we all think that the lovers are doomed to failure. Its pretty much standard in every Jane Austen novel, every romantic film every made, every single bloody love story. Go ahead, name one. I guarantee you the break up moment is there.

Within the epic love story of Dean and Cas, there have been many break up moments, and all have had their emotionally devastating impact on the relationship and the show...

But THIS was a different level. 

(For a nice summary of Destiel break up moments and understanding of this trope, @tinkdw​ wrote about it here.)

I didn’t think that there would be another moment within Dean and Cas’s relationship that could hit me this hard. The mixtape in 12x19, the wrapping of Cas’s body in 13x01, and the return of Cas in 13x05 are moments that I consider to be the very top of the scale in making this pairing undeniably romantic. Moments that pushed it beyond a platonic interpretation. These three moments have been the things I cling to when the show has otherwise made me doubt any conclusion to the DeanCas story, and since there hasn’t been another one of those moments since 13x05, until now I have been somewhat nervous that the story was dropped, or being forced back behind a platonic screen. 

15x03 has ripped that screen away. 

Emotional meta under cut...

This entire episode was an emotion fuelled dramatic roller-coaster that killed off three characters including our beloved witch queen in a scene that almost stole the show and practically canonised the SamWitch ship. Rowena’s death should have been by far the most torturous moment for viewers to endure, and it was extremely torturous and had me sobbing on a plane 3 hours into a 7 hour flight. That incredibly heartfelt moment between Sam and Rowena will probably go down as one of the top tear-jerking moments on this show. It was tragic in the best way - the way Supernatural is famous for.

But lets not gloss over the fact that in an episode where THAT should have been the climax, where THAT should have been the emotional highlight and end point, instead we get a further MORE dramatic stand off between Dean and Cas that pulled focus and ripped all of our hearts out just as violently as poor Ketch in the first act (a very clever and smug piece of meta foreshadowing there Mr Berens).

On a meta level, this is HUGE as a writing choice because they MUST know how this looks. This was the climax of the third episode of the finale season. The way Supernatural has always structured itself since Carver era is that the first three mytharc episodes of each season establish the direction of the story and set the foundations for the character level focal points and dramatic key notes to come. 

That the writers have chosen to end the foundation episodes with a DeanCas break up moment that was more dramatic than a Spanish Telenovela has just stunned me and left me reeling because I just can’t see how else this can go. This break up scene absolutely DEMANDS a huge reconciliation of the sort that will be part of the A plot of the season - the FINAL SEASON. Guys. Part of the reason I have been so quiet and so disillusioned with the show during late season 13 and season 14 was because they pushed any Destiel plot into non existent territory - it became kinda irrelevant and Dean and Cas just acted like friends (homoerotic friends yes, and sometimes like an old married couple, but it was mostly played as an afterthought imo), so for this to suddenly be brought to the forefront of the emotional story again is excellent news for us. 

The thing is, like with those huge moments I listed above, the break up scene is basically undeniably romantic when you break it down to its components:

1. It’s only Dean and Cas. 

Once again we have another scene of high stake emotions that excludes Sam. In a platonic reading of the show, it makes zero sense for there to be such a hugely disjointed relationship between Cas and Dean and Cas and Sam given he has known them both for so long now that if they were all “just friends” then surely Sam would also feel the impact of Cas’s choices as heavily as Dean. In a platonic reading, Dean comes across as an asshole, Sam comes across as being weirdly uncaring about his friend of 10 years, and Cas comes across as not even bothering to get Sam’s opinion before leaving. A romantic reading makes sense because quite literally THIS IS A ROMANTIC BREAK UP.

2. The words spoken. 

“Well I don’t think there is anything left to say.”

“I think it’s time for me to move on”

From Cas’s perspective at least, name one time in a piece of media where such language has been used for a platonic breakup sincerely? There have been heartfelt break up songs that use these exact words. (I should know I’ve spent the last 24 hours listening to them all).

That last line in particular is so heavy. It’s the last line of the episode and nothing about it is platonic. This is relationship terminology my dudes. “I need to move on, and get over you.” This is Cas’s bloody Adele song. My heart breaks for him, but if I was his sassy and fabulous best girlfriend right now I’d be sitting him down, sipping a cocktail, flipping my hair and telling him “Babe, you’re too good for him. Good Riddance. Let’s go out, have some cocktails, something pink and fruity. No dive bars for us darling. I’ll take you to Heaven... the fun one in London.”

In all seriousness though, from Cas’s perspective, this was him admitting defeat and giving up the fight for love. How anyone can possibly say Cas isn’t in love with Dean after this, well I just don’t know what show you are watching. This is the face of a heartbroken man who has just accepted that his love is unrequited. 

3. The many faces of Dean Winchester

On the other end of the scale, Dean was mostly silent after his poisonous words “And why does that something always seem to be you?”

Forgive the terrible gif quality I’ve no time for fancy gif work!

Look at his face here. He knows what he said was fucked up and he immediately regrets it. The way he swallows around that regret and then turns away.

and after Cas says that devastating final line and walks away? We get THIS reaction from him:

The jaw clench as he looks down. The sorrow on his face as he realises he has well and truly fucked this up. LOOK

Finally, he looks up, makes himself look up and watch Cas leave. If that isn’t the face of a broken man I dunno what to tell you. Anyone who thinks Dean is totally heartless and uncaring right now needs to reassess because this is NOT the face of someone uncaring. This is the face of someone who has just lost everything. Again. 

4. The FUCKING MUSIC

Seriously. The sweeping heavy drama of the low strings that come in right after Dean says that horrid line, that carry the weight of the look of horror and heartbreak on Cas’s face as they amplify the emotion there. As they blend seamlessly into the slow and subtle version of the Winchester family theme behind Cas’s heartbreaking speech and Dean’s stubborn stoic face hiding a multitude of emotion, until the violin dominates as Cas says “I think it’s time for me to move on” and the Winchester Theme swells to its climax, ripping all our hearts out just like poor Ketch as Dean watches Cas walk out of his life surrounded by darkness. 

I MEAN.

A friend on Twitter reminded us all of this point about the importance of this theme via @justanotheridijiton​ here which is essentially:

“The Winchester theme is not simply an aural marker to let the audience know when and how Sam and Dean love each other (any Supernatural fan knows that is the baseline of their relationship), but to provide narrative information, especially when the image and dialogue are incomplete or inconsistent with the true situation...  Seasoned fans will recognize the theme and its history of being paired with images indicating deep emotional bonding and a desire to do the right thing by the Winchester code. Here we trust our ears over our eyes to reveal the truth.”

So here is yet another key indicator that any surface read that this is actually an ending between Dean and Cas and that Dean really is just an angry asshole is utter bullshit. 

Honestly, this was PAINFUL, but it was painful in the best way. It was 13x01 levels of pain, but this time it was Cas choosing to walk away which makes all the difference. Dean’s greatest fear isn’t his loved ones dying on him after all, but of his loved ones choosing to leave him. This was exactly the kick up the ass Dean needs in order to win Cas back, classic love trope style. 

Hence my excitement at what is to come. Yes we won’t see Cas again until 15x06, but in the meantime I fully expect a good helping of angst and wallowing from a depressed Dean who has to deal with the fact that he has just lost the love of his life and it is all his fault. That he just pushed away the one person who promised they would always stay by his side. That has got to hurt. 

So yeah, this episode emotionally destroyed me, and I’ve only really covered the primary reason, let alone all my feels over SamWitch, Rowena’s death, Belphegor’s taunting of Cas over his deepest fears and then having to suffer through smiting a creature wearing the face of his son until his body was nothing but a burnt corpse... I wonder if Bobo had a bet going in the office over how much he could hurt us all? He was certainly enjoying scrolling through the Supernatural tag on Twitter and liking everyone’s reaction tweets including some brilliant Destiel related ones. I do love Bobo. Our Angst Goblin King. 

If anyone had asked me a few weeks ago what my thoughts were on the chances of getting explicit canon Destiel by series end, I would have said somewhere in the realms of 30-40%, considering it a battle of wills between DabbBerens and CW studio execs who I still feel are against it in general. I would have considered everything that happened after 13x06 as the writers getting a big NO on Destiel from the network and therefore having to pull back on any Destiel related plot points (purely my own speculation on BTS matters of course).

Now I am wondering if Dabb kept fighting the network? If he managed to wear them down into begrudging acceptance? I’m currently up to around an 80% chance of textual canon DeanCas if we continue on this path. If Dean is clearly shown to be mourning and hating himself over Cas next episode, and if this DeanCas dramatic plot line continues to be a focal point of the emotional story arcs... well...

I’m side eyeing 15x07 a lot right now. Only in my wildest dreams would I think that they might actually introduce an old boyfriend for Dean in a “coming out” episode, but the placement, timing, and potential is all there and I’m kind of once again donning the clown mask because I’m just in awe at everything that they are doing. I guess we’ll find out soon enough. In the meantime, I’m gonna paint my face in red and white and wear my rainbow wig and listen to break up songs on Spotify whilst trying to shove my heart back into my chest where Bobo Beren’s gleefully ripped it out with his hands like the demonic angst goblin he is. Wish me luck, I’m not sure I’m gonna get through this season with my emotions intact.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket SE02 (ep,9). part 1

You know it’s real when kyo is given monologue right from the beginning! It rarely happens that he’s allowed any!, but when he does, it hits like a wild wave changing everything. The story is never the same after each time he’s given inner-talk. Forever changing the dynamics, the secrets & the relationships. e.g. true form ep.

Kyo’s love confession:

The sweetest, most tender love confession from the character that started the show fighting & screaming! The one that hated himself the most! now loves his name, only cuz she said it! “a special ring to it”. the guy who couldn’t look at her face, will repeat stupid things over “if it made you smile”. “Since when did I started” falling in love with you? the show goes on to show us various moment from as early as ep,4 & throughout seasons & scenes! he doesn’t know! We, the viewers, also don’t know when he started loving her!! we kinda gradually~ normally~ unknowingly~ fell in love with them together. The show opened this heavy ep filled with first-hand experience & steps on how Akito destroyed his victim... ouch! well-played, furuba! well-played.

The location: An empty room, no furniture, small, suffocating. The abuser sits far, then slowly walks towards the prey until there’s no space. But not before causing  physical pain to reassure dominance over the victim.

STEP 1: (The BET).

Kyo in his attempts to fight his destiny has met up with Akito prior to the beginning of the story, to defy him. Akito cleverly traps kyo into a bet manipulating his desire to break away from his fate. you said, YOU can fight your destiny? ok. I’ll let you. If you win against yuki, I’ll let you be free. easy, right? kyo this is your chance to prove yourself to yourself! just practice & win a stupid match. EASY! except it isn’t. The rat is superior to the cat. Your trials are in vain. you’ll NEVER rise up to anything except a failure. Try for three years! so generous of Akito! 36 months! you only need to win once! But you WON’T EVER! planting a toxic seed that eats away the victim’s self-esteem, hope & desire. Give him the chance to believe in himself then CRUSH IT. Once kyo fails, he’ll never believe in himself again. The bet is now cancelled before the third year even begins! one year & a half of failure is enough. You LOST. The Directing was phenomenal! The scene is shot in shades of sickening green, with underwater feel, like kyo is drowning deep in Akito’s abuse. Akito was shown from kyo’s perspective. Distorted, scary & demonic. like a monster..

STEP 2: (the past)

Taunting kyo with selective words that hit exactly were it hurts the most, using affirmative sentences in calm authoritative tone, alluding to facts.“cuz you’re a monster, ur mom is dead” “it was ur fault” “u killed ur mom”. Akito painted kyo’s mom in martyr light. giving birth to a monster, admirably protecting & raising him. Her reward? DEATH due to immense pressure from being WITH him. Extra step: painting kyo as the unforgivable & unappreciative son “ her son didn’t even mourn her” cuz kyo didn’t cry in front of others in her funeral. all these words carved his psyche like daggers extracting buried memories of his dad doing like Akito. YOU caused ur mom grief. the memory is now crystal clear. His mom walking slowly with open arms towards death. Giving kyo her back knowing he’s there. choosing to abandon & leave him. cuz it is HIM that is too much to bear. it is HIM that she’s escaping from.

STEP 3: (the present)

“you should’ve died”, “if you didn’t exist EVERYONE would be happy” This everyone in particular destroyed kyo way more than Akito ever planned for. Everyone includes the present. Everyone includes ppl who aren’t sohma-related. Everyone includes a happy mother & daughter. Everyone includes kyoko & tohru. It is NOW that kyo crashes, falls, loses & bends. Kyoko is the nail in his coffin. Akito lets go of kyo’s hand. Mission accomplished.

-Miscalculation in Akito’s plan: (tohru)

Akito unwittingly ruins her plan by mentioning tohru. her triumphant smile disappears & her authoritative powerful voice turns into childish screams to silence kyo, pathetically covering her ears. This drastic shift in power resulted only by mentioning tohru. Realizing that tohru was used as tool for whatever reason gave kyo strength to stand up & defend her. how dare you call her a monster? how dare you call her an angel? NO. she is but a human. A kind soul. That stayed WITH me regardless of all my ugliness inside & outside. WHY? who does that? Who gives & never takes? the foolish traveler.

The foolish traveler’s role in liberating & confiding kyo:

In momiji’s story, the foolish traveler gives the monster her life & dies. Tohru gave kyo her presence. She did NOT heal him or fade the ugliness away. NO. She didn’t treat his trauma. NO. she doesn’t even know abt his mom’s suicide!! she ONLY gave him her presence. She stayed with the monster. WHY? cuz she is a foolish person filled with kindness not wanting anything in return. But what happened to the the foolish traveler at the end of momiji’s story? she died. again DEATH surrounds kyo. If this foolish traveler stays with him death awaits her. History has proven kyo’s company lethal. the cat has cursed his most beloved ppl into death & harm. his dad, mom, kyoko. This story made kyo realize his romantic love to tohru & tragically made him understand the possible sad ending.

Akito’s Rebound:

Akito sizes the chance, strikes back & regains power. Like a hungry monster smelling fear! “ do u think u have the right to fall in love with someone?” “do u think you’re allowed?” Kyoko, reinforcing Akito’s words.”I won’t forgive you”. you, the monster knows love?? “who’s the real villain” you, the killer! “who’s the one who involved her the most” You, the most cursed! “it’s best if you are gone”.” I KNOW!” ,kyo said.

The fighter gives up:

“it was me”. every negative thought kyo has is reinforced by a past experience from someone in his life. Akito blackmails kyo into accepting his confinement in exchange of NOT harming tohru. It is becuz kyo finally loved someone enough to want to EXIST in this word that he finally stops fighting. He fought for years for himself. Now, he’ll give up for another person. Tohru’s love liberated him from hating himself enough to die or take his hatred on someone else, but, her love also imprisoned him into thinking he’ll never be worthy for her. His first thought upon seeing her is “ I want to be with u forever” but once again “ kyoko shows up reminding him” i wont forgive you” How can kyo wish to be with her? his entire trauma is against it. does he has the guts to rip tohru’s smile once he confess abt the past? What does he expect tohru to say once she knows? How would tohru react? he’ll scar her forever more than she’s already scarred. Those scars that she hides oh so well from others will become tragically apparent once he confess. So, No, kyo. Spare her the pain. who are you anyway? a mere monster that everyone will be happy if you disappeared” “why didn’t my mom kill me?” “she should’ve killed me” If she did.. then tohru would’ve been happy with her mom. “Why am I still alive?”

Kyo’s precious flower:

love is against logic. Logic says stay away from tohru & spare her ur unworthy existence. Love says look for her! love makes you run to her! love makes you want to see her first thing after getting out of the that room. love says cherish her, be around, stay with her. Love says she needs you! yes, the unworthy monster has been loved before! way before tohru!. Kazuma flashes in his mind & brings hope, Kyoko, flashes with a kind smile, teasing him, I see different hair styles, maybe repeatedly meeting kyo, love reminded kyo of the friend-kyoko! who recognized his loneliness, patted his head, reached out to him, she told him abt the tiny flower, showed him her most precious treasure. These ppl treated him as a human! NOT a monster, kazuma, kyoko & tohru, love opened his eyes to see the light amidst the darkness, the warmth of the sunset after the depth of suffocation. He won’t give up on life. NO, he wants to LIVE, to LOVE & to give back! he now knows that his existence isn’t completely worthless! he was there for tohru. he has already given her back time after time since they’ve met, he knows that! he made her smile, he saw her! the real her! tiny, foolish & oh so precious!  By the time he reached her he was able to genuinely smile from his heart! yes, he can smile cuz she’s with him now. He doesn’t care anymore abt the disgusting sohma & their curse. He only cares abt her. he won’t trample his precious flower, “ i once hoped to be always together, far away” to “ make you my own” But NO. he can’t hurt her with the painful memories, he’ll treat her with utmost respect, care & love until its time to say goodbye. quietly exiting from her life. As long as she’s not harmed. As long as her smile stays, so, he’ll stay with her together,” until we’re separated far apart”

[aion-rsa]

How Ted Lasso Sneakily Crafted its Empire Strikes Back Season

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This article contains Ted Lasso spoilers through season 2 episode 8.

Perhaps you’ve heard, but Apple TV+ series Ted Lasso was the subject of some dreaded Discourse recently. 

Since the Internet is infinite and we privileged few in the media have nothing but time, a handful of features came out weeks ago essentially questioning what Ted Lasso season 2 was even all about. Many of these features were well-written, well-argued, and fair, but when filtered through Twitter’s anti-nuance machine (i.e. Twitter itself), every feature boiled down to the same reductive take: Ted Lasso season 2 doesn’t have a conflict. 

In some respects, this take was the inevitable reaction to the metanarrative surrounding Ted Lasso in the first place. Despite drawing its inspiration from a series of somewhat cynical NBC Sports Premier League commercials, the first season of Ted Lasso was all about the transformative power of kindness. 

Or at least that’s what we critics declared it to be. And I don’t blame us. Awash in a flood of screeners about antiheroes, dystopias, and the end of the world, the simple kindness of Ted Lasso seemed revolutionary. They made a TV show about a guy who is…nice? They can do that? But the inherent goodness of its lead character was always Ted Lasso’s elevator pitch, not its thesis. 

There’s been a darkness at the center of Ted Lasso since its very first moment, when an American man got on a flight to London in a doomed attempt to save his marriage. And, as season 2’s brilliant eighth episode rolls around, it’s become clear that that darkness is what the show has really been “about” this whole time. 

Season 2 episode 8 “Man City” (the title is referring to AFC Richmond’s FA Cup match against opponent Manchester City but also stealthily reveals that this installment will be all about men and their respective traumas) is quite simply the best episode of Ted Lasso yet. It also might be the best episode of television this year. Near the episode’s end, right before AFC Richmond plays a crucial FA Cup match against the mighty Manchester City, coach Ted Lasso (Jason Sudeikis) finally comes clean with his coaching staff. He’s been suffering from panic attacks of late. His assistant coaches hear him, accept him, and then head off to the pitch where Man City absolutely obliterates their team.

Man City destroys AFC Richmond. They annihilate them. Embarrass them. Stuff them into a locker and steal their lunch money. The final score is 4-0 but it might as well be 400-0. The coaching staff is rattled but the players are hit even harder. Richmond’s star striker and former Man City player Jamie Tartt (Phil Dunster) is forced to endure watching his scumbag father cheer for his hometown team from the Wembley Stadium stands at the expense of his son. 

After the game, Jamie’s father, James (Kieran O’Brien), enters the locker room where he drunkenly accosts him for being a loser and demands that Jamie grant access to the Wembley Stadium pitch for him and his scumbag friends to run around on. When Jamie refuses, his father pushes him, so Jamie reflexively punches him right in the face. James is dragged out of the locker room by Coach Beard (Brendan Hunt), leading a stunned and traumatized Jamie Tartt standing in the middle of the room, as if in a spotlight of pure pain, surrounded by teammates too afraid to even approach him. And then something amazing happens…

Here’s the dirty secret about television: there’s a lot of it. Due to the sheer number of TV shows released each year, even the best of them are destined to become little more than memories long-term. Sometimes all you can ask from multiple episodes and seasons of television is to provide you with one moment, one line, or one warm feeling to carry with you into the future. I don’t know how much I’ll remember from Ted Lasso 30-40 years from now when I’m immobile and reclined in my floating entertainment unit, Wall-E style. But I know I’ll at least remember the moment that Roy hugs Jamie.

The great Roy Kent (Brett Goldstein) – a character so disconnected from his own emotions that some fans are convinced he’s CGI – embraces the one person in the world he is least likely to embrace. As Roy and Jamie wordlessly hug, it’s hard to tell which man is more shocked by the moment. Ultimately, however, it might be Ted Lasso himself who is hit hardest. Shortly after seeing Roy play father to the younger Jamie, Ted quickly exits the locker room and calls sports psychologist Dr. Sharon Fieldstone (Sarah Niles) on his Apple TV+-apporved iPhone. 

“My father killed himself when I was 16. That happened. To me and to my mom,” Ted says, weeping. 

And that, my friends, is what Ted Lasso is all about. Pain. And dads. But mostly pain. 

None of us can say that Ted Lasso didn’t warn us it was coming. To go back to the discourse of it all real quick – I don’t blame anyone for not picking up on the direction that this show was so clearly heading in. Ted Lasso is, first and foremost, a sitcom. The beauty of sitcoms is that you welcome them into your home to watch at your own pace and your own terms. If having Ted Lasso on in the background so you can occasionally see the handsome mustache man who smiles while you fold your laundry is the way you’ve chosen to engage with the show, then great! Just know that season 2 has been operating on a deeper level this whole time as well.

Let’s take things all the way back to the beginning – back to before season 2 even began. You’ve likely heard the old philosophical thought experiment “if a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” Well Jason Sudeikis’s interviews leading up the season 2 premiere beg an equally as interesting hypothetical “how many times can one man mention The Empire Strikes Back before someone notices??”

Sudeikis referred to Ted Lasso season 2 as the show’s “Empire Strikes Back” multiple times before the premiere including in his local Kansas City Star and his technically local USA Today. The show even explicitly mentions the second Star Wars film in this season’s first episode when Richmond general manager Higgins (Jeremy Swyft) tells Ted that his kids are watching the trilogy for the first time. Sudeikis (who co-created and produces the show) and showrunner Bill Lawrence clearly want us to take the idea that Ted Lasso season 2 is The Empire Strikes Back seriously. And why would that be? 

Think of how ESB differs from its two Star Wars siblings in the original trilogy. This is the story that features arguably the series most iconic moment when Luke Skywalker discovers his dad is a dick on a literal universal level. It also has the only unambiguously downer ending of any original trilogy Star Wars film. Luke is thoroughly defeated in this installment. Having one’s hand chopped off by their father and barely escaping with their life is definitely the Star Wars version of a 4-0 defeat. 

The Empire Strikes Back can safely be boiled down into two concepts: 

Dads are complicated.

Everything sucks.

When viewed through those two conceptual prisms, so much of Ted Lasso season 2 begins to make more sense.

Episode 1 opens with the death of a dog and then leads into a classic Ted Lasso speech that could serve as this season’s mission statemetn. After recounting the story of how he cared for his sick neighbor’s dog, Ted concludes with: “It’s funny to think about the things in your life that can make you cry knowing that they existed then become the same thing that can make you cry knowing that they’re now gone. Those things come into our lives to help us get from one place to a better one.”

Things like…a father who you didn’t have nearly enough time with? Following episode 1 (and following just about every episode this season), Bill Lawrence took to Twitter to assuage viewers’ fears about a lack of central conflict this season. He had this to say about Ted’s big speech.

Look, Merrill. It was thought out, but the speech he gives after (Written by Jason himself – I loved it) is the core of the season, but we knew some people might bum out.

— Bill Lawrence (@VDOOZER) July 27, 2021

Sorry, truly. Ted’s speech after (which I love, but am obviously biased) is a big part of the season. But it sounds like you had a crappy thing happen recently.

— Bill Lawrence (@VDOOZER) July 28, 2021

It’s not. But Ted’s speech has big relevance. Stick around!

— Bill Lawrence (@VDOOZER) July 26, 2021

He also had this to say about dads.

Effin Dads, man. Love mine so, but he’s struggling a bit.

— Bill Lawrence (@VDOOZER) July 27, 2021

“Effin dads” and our complicated relationships with them are all over Ted Lasso season 2. In the very next episode, Sam Obisanya (Toheeb Jimoh) tells Ted “You know, my father says that every time you’re on TV, he’s very happy that I’m here. That I’m in safe hands with you.”

Ted smiles at this bit of info but not as warmly as you might expect. Because to Ted, a dad isn’t a reassuring presence but rather someone you love who will just leave when you need him the most. That’s why he’s been trying to be the perfect father figure this whole time. That’s why he did something as extreme as leaving his family behind in Kansas while he heads off to London. If giving his wife space was the only way to preserve the family and remain a good dad, then he was going to give her a whole ocean of space.

Moreover, Ted hasn’t just been trying to serve as a father figure to his son this whole time but to everyone else as well. Sam’s comment to Ted reminds him that not everyone has a good dad, which encourages him to bring Jamie into the fold in the first place.

As time goes on, however, the stress of being the consummate father to everyone in his orbit begins to wear on Ted. Throughout the entirety of this season, Ted Lasso appears to be trying to be Ted Lasso just a bit too hard. His energy levels are too high. His jokes go on too long. The same life lessons that worked last year aren’t working this year. AFC Richmond opens with an embarrassing streak of draws before Jamie’s immense talents set things straight.

It all culminates in this season’s sixth episode when Ted has his second panic attack in as many years. This time it’s in public during an important game. The experience sends Ted running through the concourse of the stadium until he somehow ends up in the dark on Dr. Fieldstone’s couch, instinctively, like a wounded animal. 

It’s certainly no coincidence that this panic attack occurs on the same day that Ted received a call from his son’s school asking him to pick him up, not realizing that he’s an ocean away. In that moment, Ted can’t help but remember what it’s like to be left behind by his own father and subconsciously wonder if he’s doing the same. 

Though the shallow waters of Ted Lasso season 2 may have appeared consequence free for half its run, beneath the surface was a tidal wave of conflict. Just because the conflict wasn’t taking place between a happy-go-lucky football coach and a villainous owner doesn’t mean it wasn’t there.

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Game of Thrones author George R.R. Martin is terrible at meeting deadlines but great at writing. According to him (and William Faulkner, from whom he borrows the quote), the only conflict worth writing about is that of the human heart with itself. That’s something that The Empire Strikes Back understood. And it’s something that Ted Lasso season 2 does as well.

The post How Ted Lasso Sneakily Crafted its Empire Strikes Back Season appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[myfriendscallmecoelophysis]

fragile tiny shells

Dedicated to @transvav and @the-nerf-house 

Its the atla AU fic where I hurt Jordan a bunch based on one day where @fanwp and I went absolutely feral on the poor guy. TW: blood, violence, character death, general sadness/angst

When he’d left his forest to join these people, Jordan had not expected to make connections with them. If he’d had his way, he would have stayed in his tree and away from the rest of the world. He’d done his time as a hero, let someone else save the day this time. But then he’d seen the Avatar, the uncertainty in her eyes at what the future would hold, not to mention Ianite’s less than subtle pushing that he helped them. There were other waterbenders, the Avatar and her motley crew could go bother one of them. He'd left his home with them nonetheless and against all odds, had started to view them as friends. They still knew next to nothing about him, they’d only just found out he was a waterbender, but he did have to admit it was nice to have others around for a change.

He and Sonja were resting during one of their lessons. The pond near their camp was hidden under a shaded canopy of trees, a small creek feeding it from some mountain spring far away. There was a cave system beneath them, carved out by years of the pond dripping down through the earth. It was today’s lesson, for Sonja to begin feeling the water all around her and learn to discern between different sources. She’d had some success so far, she knew the pond was losing water somewhere but hadn’t been able to fully pinpoint it yet. 

“One of the monks at the temple where Wag and I grew up used to say that by tracing the wind we could trace the past. The theoretical stuff was never my strong suit in the way it was Wag’s but I guess this is kind of the same idea isn’t it?” 

“In a way I suppose. There are some who say that water has memories,” he paused, hesitating in saying more. If he wasn’t careful he would tread dangerously close to words that he’d heard in his village. Before she could press for more he pulled a rivulet of water from the pond, swirling it around his fingers. “If you can learn to follow its path you can find every place it’s ever been. This pond for example. It’s been here for so long that none of the water that originally contained within it is left, it’s been refilled over and over by the creek which in turn is filled by a stream that flowed from a spring in the mountains fed from melting ice each season. We’ve talked about how there is water in everything and no matter what it is, it originated somewhere.” 

“A body changes water into blood but that does not erase its memory of being water. Control that water and you control the blood and the body.” A voice sneered in his memories. 

But then another spoke over it “I can pull the blood to places where the body needs more healing from within. I guess there is some benefit to be had from this ‘skill’.” Martha had always been the more positive one of the two of them but he’d always been grateful to her for that. 

“Jordan?” Sonja’s voice drew him out of his reverie. 

“Sorry, what was I saying?”

~

They finish for the day, rejoining the group back at camp. The sound of raucous laughter greets them as they emerge from the trees. A fire has been made, fish already roasting on sticks around it. 

“And Jeriah was all ‘You guys really thought Tom had a chance at being Mianite’s Champion? He’s been nothing but chaotic his whole life!’” Tucker was saying, a hand on his stomach as he laughed. 

“Sonja! Tell us a funny Wag story from when you were kids!” Tom demanded when he spotted them coming into the clearing. 

“Uh when we were learning how to use our gliders he ran into-”

“You promised you wouldn’t tell anyone!” Wag interrupted. 

“THE SIDE OF THE-” Sonja started yelling, a smile on her face as Wag tried to tackle her. She ran from him and in moments they were air-stepping higher and higher, the rest of the group laughing right along with them. 

Ianite brushed up against his ankles to get his attention, meowing up at him. “You look upset.” She said as he gently lifted her to his shoulder. 

He feigned a yawn, muttering “I'm fine” behind his hand. Her ears flicked back in displeasure but didn’t push him. He took a seat on one of the rock seats Tom or Tucker had made, a fairly standard practice at this point. None of them really wanted to deal with chopping down trees every time they had a fire so it just made more sense for one of the earthbenders to make small pillar seats for everyone. 

“What about you Jordan? What’s your family like?” Dec asked, rotating the fish skewers he could reach. 

He felt Ianite stiffen, her claws lightly pricking into his shoulders, not enough to hurt, but enough to remind him of her presence past the weight of her around his neck. The thing was, part of him did want to tell them. The part of him that ached to get the weight of everything he’d endured off of his chest. Talking to Ianite about it was one thing, she had been with him through most of his life and knew about the parts she’d not been with him for. It was another to talk to people he hardly knew even if he had been travelling with them for several weeks now. 

He cleared his throat and calmly said “They’re gone now. It’s just me and My Lady.” It was handy that they all thought Ianite’s name was Lady, it made addressing her properly easier to explain. For his part, Dec looked abashed at having brought it up. 

“Jordan, I didn’t mean-”

“It’s fine, you didn’t know. No harm done.” 

It took a few minutes for the awkward tension to dissipate but eventually it did, talk turning back to stories from the other’s childhoods. They all wisely refrained from asking Jordan about his own. 

The moon was high above when they decided to call it a night, Tucker pulling the pillars back into the ground while Karl bolstered the fire to make sure it would burn well into the night and keep them warm. Sometimes, when they were close to towns or in dangerous territory someone would stay up and keep watch but tonight, this far from any sign of civilization it was decided that it was unnecessary. Nevertheless Jordan climbed into a large tree on the edge of the clearing, bending and shaping the branches and leaves to make himself a platform to sleep on. He preferred it this way, a better vantage point and easily defensible if something were to happen. Plus, should the absolute worse happen, he could disappear into the forest further. 

“Goodnight My Champion” Ianite purred as she settled in next to his head, the tip of her tail barely brushing his hair. They’d come to the understanding long ago that they both slept better with the other next to them but Jordan tossed and turned too much in the night for her to sleep directly on him. 

“Goodnight Milady.” 

~

He could hear shouting as he came to awareness. Screams of terror and desperate yelling. He was at home, not the treehouse in the forest, but his real home. Instantly, Jordan realized that this was a nightmare. A nightmare he’d had dozens if not hundreds of times since it had happened. He knew how it went and that he had no choice but to just let it play out unless Ianite sensed his distress and woke him up. 

He leapt from his bed and threw on his coat and gloves. The village was already in flames, the buildings not made of stone or wood crumbling and melted. 

“Captain!” One of his Lieutenants called out, running over. 

“What’s going on?” Jordan asked. Inherently he knew but the dream would run its course no matter how much he tried to stop or change it. He was a viewer in his own body. 

“Firebenders sir, at least three ships from the Fire Nation, with more on the horizon. The breached the walls somehow just as the sun was rising. We’ve managed to slow the assault but sir, we’re outnumbered.” His face was pleading, waiting for answers, waiting for hope, waiting for Jordan to say that they had a chance. There was nothing he could say. Their village was not a large one, not like the Water Tribe Capital at the North Pole or even the City in the far South. They were a small village dedicated to Lady Ianite and her Temple. 

“Continue your efforts, round up who you can and focus on keeping the invaders away from the Temple. Surely they’re after Lady Ianite. And if anyone figures out just who they are, tell me immediately. This is unlike followers of Dianite to just openly attack.” The Lieutenant bowed quickly and the two separated to run in opposite directions. 

Jordan encountered half a dozen firebenders on his way to the Temple. Each moment spent defending himself or his people was a moment that Ianite could be in danger. He loathed taking lives of any kind, he couldn’t even bring himself to butcher a fish, not after what had happened. Instead he left a trail of frozen, struggling enemies buried up to their necks in ice. They could melt their way out of course but it would take time and the cold would sap their strength. 

He passed Sola’s home, affording a quick peek inside to ensure that she had things under control and that all the children whose guardians were fighting were taking cover, including his own little brother. She reacted the moment he entered, nearly spearing him through the eye with an icicle. They’d trained her well enough at least. “Jordan, thank Ianite you’re here! Jerry ran away, he said something about wanting to help you-” He tuned out for a moment with a frustrated breath. Why couldn’t his little brother ever do as he was told? Now was not the time to try and play hero. 

“I’ll find him, stay here. Keep yourself and the rest of the kids safe.” He ordered, running back out the door, absently putting up a wall of ice to provide another layer of protection. 

As he ran through the village towards the Temple he kept his eyes open for a flash of green. Jerry was just about the only person in the entire village that wore colors besides shades of blue, white or grey and he always without fail wore the green scarf that their Father had sent him years ago. Their Father had been a travelling merchant who’d fallen in love with their Mother when he’d come to the village. He’d visited periodically until Mother had died but hadn’t said a word to either Jordan or Jerry since. Presumably he was still alive somewhere but Jordan hardly cared, he’d only seen his Father a handful of times in his life and never for very long. Jerry, the hopeless optimist he was, was determined that their Father would come back for them one day. Jordan had long since given up on the same idea. 

He saw the smoke rising from the Temple before he got there, sliding to a stop on the hard packed snow. His guards were doing their job valiantly, holding in formation at the top of the steps while their enemy shot blast after blast of fire at them and the Temple itself. Pulling the water from a nearby channel, Jordan rushed in, riding the wave he’d made as it surged towards the firebenders. The new angle caught them off guard and all five were swept in the current, frozen within it as Jordan leapt away. 

“Lady Ianite?” He questioned, taking the stairs two at a time.

“Inside sir! Kana and Tarno are with her now.” 

“I’ll take her out of the village, Taika, Sani, guard my back, the rest of you go help where you can. And if anyone happens to see Jerry, take him back to Sola for Ianite’s sake.” Where normally there would be snickers at their Captain’s brothers antics, today there were only crisp nods of understanding. This was no time for jokes.

Forming a trident was as easy as breathing, the ice cool and smooth beneath his glove. He truly didn’t need it but he felt better with a physical weapon in his hand, something concrete that he could use faster than he could gesture for water. In the end he would always rely on water though. 

“It is everywhere dear boy. There is nowhere in this world that a waterbender is truly unarmed.” A voice hissed in his mind. Jordan tightened his grip on the trident, tight enough that fractures cracked along the shaft. No. He had grown past those lessons. Lady Ianite had taught him and helped him heal from his past. He didn’t belong to them. Not anymore. 

He took a calming breath, willing his heartbeat to slow. He needed to stay focused. If they wanted any chance at surviving this battle, he needed to keep a steady head. 

Ianite looked up when he entered her chamber. “Captain, something is very wrong.” She had a faraway look in her eyes, one he’d come to recognize as her sight.  There was more at play here than a simple raid. He really should have expected as much. His life was never simple. 

“Milady we have to go. It’s not safe in the village.” He reached to take her hand when an explosion erupted from behind them. Jordan threw up a shield to block him and Ianite from the worst of it, but still the force flung them both into the ground. When he opened his eyes, it was horribly, gut-wrenchingly bright in what was normally a darkened room. The Temple was in ruin around them, the last vestiges of the structure collapsing into piles of snow and ice. Jordan heard Ianite give a whimper of anguish but he didn’t look, his own gaze focused on the massive chunk of ice that now lay where his guards had been standing. He’d lost warriors before, both before Ianite had found him and after she’d made him Captain of her guard. That didn’t mean it hurt any less. 

“Ianite, we have to leave, now.” The words felt heavy in his throat and turning away took actual effort. He reached out a hand to help her to her feet and allowed just the slightest hint of his old teachings to slip into him now, just enough to let him get through this day without his emotions taking control. 

What lay outside the Temple ruins was not a much better sight. Massive fireballs rained from the sky, exploding on impact to send clouds of snow rubble into the air. They had already been fighting a losing battle but he’d managed to force what little hope he could, now, looking at the remains of the village, even that hope was beginning to bleed from him. That was when his eyes fell upon the figure standing at the base of the stairs.

They were clothed in shades of black and red, hair a deep rippling shade of burgundy. Their lips were curled into a sadistic grin, chaos alight in their eyes. Twin daggers of flame extended from each of their closed fists, the fire growing to a pair of crackling swords as they locked eyes with Jordan. 

“So the Champion finally emerges.” They called up to him. “A shame it took me destroying your entire village to draw you out of hiding. But I do as My Lord bids.” and it's the pointed way the title is spoken that makes Jordans veins turn to ice. He let go of Ianite's hand and stepped forward, his challengers grin growing even wider. “Nothing to say Champion? I expected more from you after what I've heard of your abilities.” 

Jordan shed his coat and gloves, letting his trident melt back to water and fall to the ground. “Stay here.” He ordered Ianite softly. She was a goddess yes, but he wanted her nowhere near this lunatic that had razed his home. She nodded, respecting him and his judgement well enough to listen. 

He descended the stairs slowly, flexing fingers and muscles to warm them up. He was the best bender in the village, that was a fact he was confident about, but if his suspicions were correct, the person before him had been trained by or at least served the same Master that had trained Jordan. There was no telling what they might be capable of. 

As he reached the ground, he fell easily into his bending stance, hands loosely raised in front of him and feet planted, ready to react at a moment's notice. The fire in his foe’s hands crackled then extinguished as they got into their own bending stance. 

“I look forward to returning your corpse to My Lord.” They sneered, teeth bared. 

Jordan did not speak, he wouldn’t waste breath rising to taunts. Instead he simply raised a questioning eyebrow, sliding his foot just so as his opponent lunged.

~

He didn’t relive the fight. He didn't remember each and every move he made like he did the words he said that day. Lady Ianite however, did. He watched himself through her eyes as she had shown him the very first time he’d asked to see. It had helped with his trauma somewhat at first but as he began to watch the fight over and over in his mind, it only made things worse. He saw each and every little mistake he’d made; every missed strike, every misplaced foot or wrist, every hit he took. Jordan considered this fight to be one of the most formative and important of his life and he’d lost. He wondered constantly that if he hadn’t made those mistakes, if he had dodged one fire blast or another or landed a well placed water whip or ice blade, could the outcome had been changed?

Jordan watched himself stumble backwards, feet slipping on ice he was normally so sure footed on, chest heaving from exertion and burns marring his exposed skin. He still had scars from one or two of the larger ones that couldn’t be fully healed. His opponent stalked forward, expression manic and unhinged. “I expected better from you!” They taunted, releasing a gout of flame from their fist that Jordan barely blocked. “The great Champion of Ianite, fallen before me!” another blast punctuated the statement and oh how Jordan remembered this moment. 

He could feel the heat on his face, the steam in the air, the ice beneath him. He saw the flash of green across the courtyard but could not bring himself to shout a warning. He watched as a snowball as big as his head crashed into the side of his opponent's face and heard Jerry’s cry of “Leave my brother alone!” The Darkness’ minion turned with a snarl and then the world was moving in slow motion. 

He was yelling, trying to scramble to his feet. Ianite was shouting from above him. And Jerry’s eyes were wide, terrified, reflecting the light of the fire. Jordan raised a hand desperately, all thought of forms or proper training gone, relying on instinct alone. He can feel the water in Jerry’s blood at the tip of his fingers, fear striking him instantly at the recognition. He hesitates, just a fraction of a moment but it’s long enough. 

The world blurs, tears, steam, smoke, fire and white hot burning fury unlike anything he’s ever felt before. He can’t breath, can’t even scream. He’s not in his body anymore, instead watching again through Ianite’s eyes and thoughts. She’s crying, her own vision hazy. She watches him get to his feet and raise his arms, expression as hard as the crystalline ice that had once stood around them. 

She had never shown him the entirety of this memory out of care for his psyche, only glimpses. She had seen the hurricane that rampaged through the remains of the village, indiscriminate and all consuming. She had watched the ice stain with streaks of red and smudges of ash, the last foundations of the buildings crumbling back to the snow they were made from. All she can do is go to Jerry and shield him from the storm. She is a goddess but she is no bender. There is so little she herself can do for the child. She cradled him in her arms, blocking him from the biting wind and stinging fragments of ice. 

Ianite cries. She cries for her village. She cries for her people. She cries for the child in her arms. She cries for her Champion. She cries because of how utterly useless she feels at this moment. The storm rages until there is nothing left of the village and softly Ianite calls to her Champion. She knows he will not hear her spoken voice, lost in his agony as he is, instead she calls gently into his mind, coaxing him back from the precipice of self destruction. 

“My Champion, your brother needs you. Please.” Slowly, the storm begins to subside, the ice turning to rain and then to gentle snowfall. Jordan is in the center of the village, knelt, unmoving in the rubble. “Jordan.” She called to him with as much care as she could. He was so very fragile in the moment, as he had been when they had first met. She would go to him if she could, but she was afraid that even the slightest movement would further hinder Jerry’s dwindling chances of survival. 

Jordan looked towards her, expression blank and eyes glassy. Shakily he got to his feet and began to walk towards her. She could see the weakness in him with every step and her hopes for Jerry grew smaller and smaller. Jordan may be capable of healing, but he was never the best at it and in this state she was afraid he may not have the strength. He crumpled to the ground before her, reaching out to take his brother in his own arms and hold him close. 

He’s in his own mind once more, looking down at Jerry’s body. They’re both covered in blood and the smell of it makes Jordan’s stomach roil. The green scarf is hardly more than a charred scrap of fabric around Jerry’s neck, his clothes and hair scorched. Jordan raised a hand, ignoring the way it shook and his body protested, pulling forth as much water as he could muster. He guided it to pool around the worst of Jerry’s burns, trying to focus on healing, on aligning the energy paths and chakras. But as he felt Jerry’s heartbeat slow further and further, it became all he could focus on. 

“No.” He breathed, anger bubbling back to life at his inability. He reached for the blood, forcing it to circulate. Forcing it to keep his heart beating and lungs moving. He could not, would not, let Jerry die. Not now. Not because of this. Every muscle in Jordan’s body was quivering from exertion but still he continued. He could hear the echo of the Darknesses' praise in his mind, every word about bloodbending and how it was the ultimate skill, how he was to be a Champion for his mastery of it. 

“Then why isn’t it working?!” He demanded, shouting back at the honeyed praise. Because he knew that it wasn’t. Jerry wasn’t healing, his body was being forced to remain alive by the push and pull of his blood throughout it. 

It was Ianite who finally stopped him, wrapping a delicate, bloodstained hand around his wrist. He looked up to glare at her but his anger melted to misery in an instant at the sight of her tear streaked face. She let go of his wrist to wrap her arms around him, burying her face in his shoulder. 

“I’m sorry.” Jordan whispered. “I’m so sorry.” It’s not just an apology to Ianite; but an apology to Jerry, to the village, to the mother he’d lost long ago and the father he’d lost even further back. It’s an apology to everyone he’d ever known that had suffered because of him or the Darkness or the ties that had bound them together against his will. It won’t do anything to bring anyone back, nothing would. 

“I’m here Jordan. You’re not alone. Not anymore.” Ianite says in his mind and then he’s waking up.

~

Ianite is curled on his chest, head tucked under his chin. She’s purring so loud it's a wonder she hasn't woken him sooner. 

“I’m here My Champion. You’re not alone. Never again.”