#his anger has been there the whole time
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something something some of the earliest scenes of john we have are of him being paralleled to the demon that killed his wife and destroyed his family, and are of him passed out while drunk in a chair watching something on the tv about war/the military. something something the john portrayed in the winchesters is angry, always seeking out violence so much so that he does rash things like illegally joining the war underage and thinking he can win against a ghost/creature in a fistfight.
#literally they told us so much with so little. really#john was never meant to be the 'perfect father' or even a good one. its in the little details#his anger has been there the whole time#first time the winchesters has helped me in my rewatch shit but yk what. i welcome it if it helps me like this#sooo compelling#em speaks#spn#ems spn rewatch#1x01#fuck john winchester#the winchesters#spnwin discussion
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Wait did both Alice and Zane record Alan when he was at his lowest point? Didn't Alice make her exhibition to show the world what she sees? To show Alan the truth about himself? That it never was Scratch visiting and terrorizing her, but Alan himself? Did she depict his "self" and Zane depicted his "persona"? The two sides of him that he wishes he can eliminate bc they brought him into trouble (Scratch representing anger and the fallouts with paparazzi and stuff, Zane representing his self-destructive behavior with alcohol and drugs and the party nights)? The both sides that caused his marriage to start falling apart? Was that the reason Zane made that video of Alan when they were on that booze and drug-fueled bender while working on the Return manuscript? Is this party video the companion piece?? Alan's downward spiral, same as Alice's photos? Do they fucking work together aasdffjfjfkfk
#Can this game please stop messing with my head??#I mean we don't know how many years passed since Alice went to the dark place#She could have met Zane long ago. Over Zane's similar appearance to Alan they both have a connection to him#So they talk about him. They understand that they must help Alan to ascend the spiral bc he's too far gone to do it himself#Or Alan wrote them in their story as a plot decide bc he understood at one point that he must confront his lesser pleasant parts#In order to become āwholeā#And he seems to deliberately ignore how close his marriage is to fail. Her POV is so different from his. Of course she mourns him#Bc she never stopped loving him. Although he did the things he did. That's simply not how love works.#Alan is a good man although he makes selfish and terrible decisions and has a questionable morale at times. Bc he thinks he can do it right.#Bc he thinks he can correct his mistakes later. That's how he's always been. He thinks a flower bouquet and chocolate and a bottle of wine#Is all he needs to give to Alice and she will forgive him. He was incapable to acknowledge his shortcomings but he tries!! In his own way!#And alice sees it. And she has accepted it's for the longest time. Alan is emotionally constipated except for his anger.#Guy needs to do some serious self reflection#alan wake 2#Alan wake theory#Alan wake 2 theory#Alan wake 2 meta#Alan Wake#Alice Wake#Thomas Zane#Tom Zane#Sorry for the endless fucking notes š
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Dean is such a paradox for me because on the one hand, I have been actively triggered by him in the show, there are moments where, intentionally or not, the writers managed to create a portrayal of manipulation and abuse and control issues that it sets off actual alarms for me. And on the other hand, I would not have him any other way. There is something ā not comforting, thatās too soft a word ā about knowing where Deanās actions stem from, having seen and learned all that we do about his childhood neglect and parentification and the trauma he goes through repeatedly in the show, and that he doesnāt come out clean. He comes out a goddamn mess who ends up hurting the people around him in reaction to his own pain!
Thereās a reality there thatās. Almost nice, actually. Distressing to watch, but it is a fucking mess, itās a good mess! Heās got zero healthy coping skills and a healthy relationship with say, his brother, is terrifying because it leaves him open to abandonment!
Iām not sure Iām wording this correctly. There is a way to be a good abuse victim. Take the pain, martyr yourself on it, and then, even if you have no support or idea how to, then you have to become a Good Person who never hurts anyone the way you have been learning to your entire life. Simply toss everything that shaped you out the door and emerge a saint with a tragic backstory. And Dean is not that. And thatās so fucking good. Everything that he has gone through continues to effect the way he treats the people around him, and he canāt fight the behaviors he might recognize as harmful because he also sees them as protecting him (or protecting Sam by keeping Sam with him.)
And sometimes, idk. It feels good to see a guy who didnāt heal the āright way.ā Who mostly didnāt heal at all, just keeps the wound open because itās easier that way.
#thereās a whole other bit to this about how like. itās hard for fandom to hold the idea that someone can be both a victim and abusive#at the same time. that the ways someone has been hurt donāt always shape them into kindness and wide-eyed sympathy. occasionally it just#makes them hard to live with. and I think most obviously is the thing that a lot of what Dean does is an expression of love. of protection.#heās very much his fatherās son in that way. thatās why Sam. the guy heās been Told to protect his whole life. is also the person he ends up#hurting the most. itās tragedy. itās realistic. itās a good fucking mess.#and thatās why I donāt get interpretations of dean that are determined to shave off the ugly parts of his character. to me those are the#parts that make him a character worth revisiting. heās so full of love. and he uses it to hurt people. he means to sometimes. a lot of the#time he doesnāt but hurts them anyway. he has been shaped by violence his whole life. and itās just. I get why someone might take this#part of him away. to make him easier to love. because I get that heās stressful to watch also like I get that. but he is.#he is compelling. in his anger and his controlling behavior and his strangling love. he is compelling in all the ways he has become this.#Deanās degradation into these behaviors can be both a failure of a show that ran to long but also the believable trajectory of a man who#canāt heal. and I love him for that. I love him for emerging from pain as a angry sharp thing. I love that it brings the glimpses of him#being gentler and recognizing his actions as bad into stark relief. I love that this recognition often only lasts until he is hurt again and#then he backpedals into the safety of behaviors he knows will allow him to control a situation through force or manipulation.#itās good fucking mess. you know? dean winchester everybody.#maybe I should have put all that in the main post. oh well. too late now.#spn#dean winchester#tw abuse
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For the prompt ask game!
9. Sleep deprivation and/or 37. Secret Relationship and/or 40. Identity reveal/major secret reveal
(I selected a few so you can chose the one that resonates the most.)
For any DPxDC characters. <3
*emerges from a google docs, covered in blood and panting* i did it... it is done.
thank you for the prompt!! because i love a challenge, or because i can't stop myself, i went and did all of them!! for everyone!! everyone is sleep deprived and everyone is revealing secrets ^^'
Danny/Tim, mentioned Jazz/Jason
(ą¹ā¢Ģ ā ā¢Ģą¹) enjoy!! prompt ask game
kid napping
āRed Robin, sound off. Status?ā
āAll good here, Oracle. Everything okay?ā
Itās been a slow night, never a good sign. Pent up energy itches under his skin and he stretches when he stands, preparing for whatever Oracle is going to throw his way. Itās going to be something, he can tell.
āGood.ā Relief briefly colours her voice answers, before she becomes serious again, keys clacking away in the background. āThereās been a report from Agent A. It appears that one Timothy Drake has been kidnapped and is being ransomed for five million dollars and a helicopter. Iām tracing the call now.ā
āA helicopter, too? Kidnappers these days, used to be they just wanted their money and that would be the end of itā¦ a fucking helicopter, wow.ā Red Hood scoffs, and Red Robin canāt help but join in the laughter over the comms.
āDoesnāt exactly sound like these are the brightest tools in the shed now, does it, Hood? Wonder what poor schmuck theyāve got instead.ā Nightwing says, slightly out of breath.Ā
The smile slips off Red Robinās face and clammy, cold dread shivers down his spine. A stone settles in his stomach. He wets his lips and clears his throat. āOracle, can you pull up the CCTV on my apartment near WE? Any closer to tracing the call?ā
āStill on the trace, theyāre using a jammer. Agent A is cooperating so they should phone back soon, which will help.ā she reports, falling into silence as he finds the video feed.
āYou know who it is?ā
āI hope not.ā
Itās tense, he taps his feet on the rooftop, fingers tightening over his grapple as he fights the urge to fly off the roof and check for himself. It better not be him. Please, dear God, donāt let it not be him.
āWhat are you thinking, Red Robin?ā Batman growls through the comms. Red Robin can hear the wind under his words, whipping fast as he no doubt makes his way over to his position.
āI had a, uh, a friend coming over tonight. From behind, heā¦ he could be mistaken for Tim Drake.ā
The jokes fall silent, the comms growing serious as they pick up on his tone.
āWell, fuck.āĀ
āEloquent as always, Hood.ā
āShut up, bat-brat.ā
āYou were right, Red Robin, it looks like it was yourā¦ friend they caught, instead. About two hours before the call came in. Iām following their van now, I should have the destination soon. In the meantime, it looks like theyāre heading towards the docks.ā
Red Robin throws himself off the building, shooting his grapple as low as he dares to get the fastest swing he can.Ā
They have Danny.Ā
Worry gnaws at his gut even as gravity pulls it into his throat with another swing.
Danny isā¦ And Red Robin means this in the nicest way possible, but Danny is fragile. They havenāt talked about it, but RR knows that Danny has health problems. Something plaguing him since he was young, thatās landed him in the hospital more than once. A weak heart, far too slow to be normal, possibly chronic fatigueāheās always so tired, falling asleep anywhere he can.
Sometimes, he doesnāt even need to put his head down. Once, when they had gone to the corner store to get some popcorn to enjoy their movie (which Danny had explicitly and repeatedly promised he wouldnāt snore through this time), Danny had rested his head on Timās shoulder while they were waiting and heād justā¦ gone. On his feet, asleep, just like that.
Heād laughed, when Tim woke him up. Apologised. Said Tim made him feel safe enough to fall asleep just about anywhere andā
Red Robin grits his teeth and corrects his course as Oracle updates them with more precise coordinates.
Tim had carried him home that night, piggy-back for four blocks, but by the end of it, he wasnāt tired at all. And thatās another thing, Dannyās just so light. Itās concerning.
They never did watch that movie, but itās a night that Tim canāt help remembering fondly all the same. Theyād ended up rewatching some old sitcom that Dannyās seen countless times but Timās never really bothered with, Danny drifting off to sleep again and Tim eventually following him, becauseā¦ sleep is easy with Danny.
Itās the same for him, he thinks. He canāt explain it, but he feels safe enough to sleep with Danny, too.
He needs to be alright.
āSoā¦ Is this friend just a friend? Or a friend friend?āĀ
āA friend, Nightwing. Now hurry up.ā
Heās not in the mood to play these games, not now. Thereās a reason why none of them know about Danny, and this is one of them. His family, as much as he loves them, are just too damn nosey for their own good.
āYou know that doesnāt answer my question at all.ā
āThen why donāt you ask something intelligible, rather than continue with your childish antics?ā Robin snarks, and for once, Red Robin has to agree with him. Or, rather, heās grateful for the distraction that it gives him.
Tim has secrets. Heās sure that Danny does, too, and so farāaside from the standard background check he always runs on new friends and friend friends alikeāheās done very well to respect them. He just canāt say that his family would do the same.
They can be overwhelming, to say the least, and Tim has tried his best to protect Danny from that.
Only to fail to protect him in every other way that it counts.
āHow long have you guys been āfriendsā?ā
āNightwing, save it, please.ā
āWhatās his name?ā
He ignores him.
Red Robin lands on the building first, thank goodness. He wastes no time in finding a skylight that can be pried open fairly quietly, slipping inside without a second thought.
āWait for backup, Red Robin, that is an order!ā Batman says, when he lets them know heās in.
āNegative, Batman. Iām getting him back.ā
āRed Robin!ā
He weaves silently through the desks on the second floor of the warehouse, always moving, always keeping a trained eye on the shadows around him.
When he reaches the stairs, he hears voices.
āLooks like three of them, armed. The-the hostage is tied to a chair in the middle of the room, heā¦ā Red Robin takes a steadying breath. The person has a burlap sack over their head is slumped to the side, from where he is, Red Robin canāt see if his chest is moving. Thereās blood on the floor. āHe needs medical assistance. Another two on the northside entrance.ā
The comms explode in admonitions, everyone pleading with him to stay where he is, to wait for help, but fuck that. With a tap, he switches them off and he can finally, just about make out the words of the kidnappers as he creeps down the first few steps.
āāshouldnāt he have woken up by now?ā
āI donāt know, man, youāre the one that hit him! Do you think heāsāā
āNo! I didnāt even hit him that hard, I swear!ā the man cries, holding his hands up in surrender. āI just couldnāt take any more of his stupid jokes!ā
If there was any doubt in Red Robinās mind that they picked up Danny by mistake, itās gone now. Yeah. If you get Danny, you get his stupid jokes, too.
He creeps closer.Ā
Thereās some storage crates between him and Danny, if he can get behind there without being seen then that leaves him in a good position for when whoeverās next in takes out the guys at the front. He canāt do anything without them gone first, not without risking them taking shots inside and endangering Danny.
The man that hit Danny circles round behind him and grabs at his hands.
āWhat are you even doing, Pat? Who gives a shit, leave him alone.ā
āIām just checking! I just gotta see!ā
āFuckās sake, guys, who cares? We just gotta get our money, thatās itāā
āAnd our helicopter!ā
āAnd ourāā
āShit, I canāt find a pulse! Shit, Frank, I killed him, Iāā
Jason told him once that when the Pits overtook him, he used to see green. Instead of blacking out, heād be swimming in that putrid Lazarus colour and heād slip into that rage and bad things would happen.
Heās heard of people seeing red, too, but really, he thinks thatās more of a literary device.
Tim doesnāt see anything aside from his targets.
A barrage of birdarangs take the guns from the guys at the front, the three around Danny startling badly enough that the guy that kilāthatās behind Dannyāstumbles, losing his footing.
Only one of them shoots.
Amateurs.Ā
Thereās a round of curses on the comms as the shots come through. Oracle must have turned them back on.
āFucking hellāNightwing and I are at the front, Red Robin, donāt worry about them.ā
Red Robinās barely listening.
He spins, kicking the largest guy in the stomach hard enough so that he doubles over, wheezing. Following through the movement, another kick lands on the side of his head and heās down.Ā
The second one, Frank, gets his wits about him and raises his gun, spraying wildly. Heās a shit shot, going wide in panic, and Red Robin simply ducks and rushes forward, keeping low. Tackling the guy, he grabs the gun off of him and uses it to smash him across the face, once, twice, three times, before he stops moving.
āOracle, get police and paramedics on scene, now.ā Batman says, the displeasure in his voice evident. āRed Robin, Robin and I are coming in from the top.ā
Pat hasnāt even made it up off the floor yet, scrambling backwards, fear plain on his face.Ā
Red Robin stands, breathing heavily, gun still in hand.
āIām sorry, Iām sorry, I swear I didnāt mean to do it! Pleaseāplease, donāt, please!ā
Red Robin doesnāt kill.
Well, no, Red Robin doesnāt normally kill.
No, thatās not quite right, either.
Red Robin has killed. Red Robin will more than likely kill again. Red Robin sees no problem with killing.
The gun is up, pointing towards the guy without any real thought about it.
Footsteps rush behind him, the familiar heavy footfalls of Batman and Robin, so he doesnāt bother turning around. The gun follows the guy as he keeps pulling himself backwards, snot and tears mingling down his face.
āRed Robin,ā Batman says, softly.
Itās always weird hearing Batmanās voice like that. Itās not the first time, obviouslyāBatman canāt use his scary intimidating voice on victims or children, after allābut having it used on him is weird.Ā
āBreathe.ā
āHeās dead. They killed him.ā
If hearing Batmanās voice was weird, Red Robin canāt even recognise his own.
Distantly, he realises heās dissociating. Thereās a tightness in his chest, itās hard to breathe, a growing buzz drowns out any noise in his ears and he canāt think, he canātā
A heavy hand squeezes his shoulder, jolting him out of his thoughts. Batman reaches around and gently removes the gun from his grip, and Tim feels the instant loss of it. He should have done it, why hadnāt he done it?
Robin takes care of the last man, his crying cut off by a swift kick to the head. Nightwing and Red Hood join them, zip-tying the men on the floor and starting to drag them back to the entrance of the warehouse one by one.
No one says a word.
Shrugging off Batmanās hand, Tim moves towards the chair.
Shaking, he takes a deep breath and removes the sack. The small part of him that was left hoping it wasnāt him, it couldnāt be him, please dear God let it not be him, shatters.
Even dead, he looks peaceful.
Timās seen death. Heās no stranger to it, heās seen what it can do to a person. Thereās some blood coagulating over his eyebrows, but otherwise, he looks peaceful. Is that comforting? That he didnāt suffer?
Dannyās head lolls to the side as the sack comes completely away, his hair flopping over his eyes. Timās been on at him to get a haircut lately, he thinks itāll be nice tidied up a bit, just on the sides. Itāll get rid of that permanent bedhead. Help him with job interviews, heās got to be thinking about that now that heās in his last year of college.
Itās about the only thing thatāll hold him back, Tim thinks. Dannyās brilliant. Any employer would be a fool to turn him down because of his shaggy hair, but employers are stupid so it makes sense to put your best foot forward andā
Tim falls to his knees.
Fuck.
Heās dead, heās reallyāDannyās skin is horribly pale, cold to the touch. Gone is his bright, cheerful smile.Ā
āDanny, Iām sorry, Iām so, so sorry, IāāĀ
He stops himself with a deep, shuddering breath. He canāt break down here, he canāt, he canāt, he canāt.
Instead, he tips forward to rest his head in Dannyās lap, arms curling around himself. They were too late. They got here as fast as they could and they were too late.
Ā āDanny, Iām so sorryā¦ā he whispers. āIā¦ I love you, I love you, Iām sorry.ā
Dimly, he can feel the others standing around them. Someone crouches down beside him, resting a comforting arm over his back, but he doesnāt turn his head to see who it is. He squeezes his grip on Dannyās legs tighter.
āCome on, baby bird. Letāsāā
Theyāre interrupted by a huge, honking snore as Danny jerks himself awake.
Timās head snaps up, staring at Danny with wide eyes.
āYou were asleep?ā Red Robin springs up, several different emotions rapidly flip flopping through him.
āWhaā¦ What?ā Danny heaves a yawn, blinking blearily down at him. āSorry, Iām justā¦ they were shit kidnappers, man, really boring. Honestly, worst abduction yet.ā
āYou were asleep? I thought you were dead!ā
āNot mutually exlusive, you know.ā Danny says through another yawn. He rolls his neck around with an almighty crack and glances at everyone. āDidnāt think Iād warrant the whole Bat brigade, thoughā¦ā
āThe kidnappers thought they had Tim Drake.ā Batman supplies, while Red Robin tries to work through the emotional whiplash.
āAh, makes senseā¦ wait.ā Danny sits up suddenly, squinting at Red Robin. āDid you say you loved me?ā
āNo, of course not, why would Iāā
āTim? Is thatāare youāare you Red Robin?ā
āEveryone, hold the fuck up!ā Red Hood shouts from the other side of the warehouse, having finished securing the perps to a streetlight outside. āDouble R is dating Danny fucking Nightingale?ā
Well, there goes his identityā¦ Oh, whoās he kidding, Dannyās smart. Thereās no way he could have salvaged that. This was not how he thought the night was going to go.
āCranberry, is that you?ā Danny twists in his chair, somehow delighted to see Red Hood rescuing him, too. āI thought I smelled you lurking about!ā
āShut it, you little shit. Since when were you dating this dweeb?ā
āIām sorry,ā Red Robin pleads, hands in the air to try and slow down the onslaught of information and insults, āyou two know each other?ā
āCranberry?ā Nightwing echoes, looking as lost as Red Robin feels.
āYeah, CranberryāThe Cranberriesāzombie, zombie, zombie-ie-ie. Obviously. Also heās wearing a big, fuck off red helmet.ā
āYeah, sure, makes sense.ā
Itās about the only thing that does.
āAnd please donāt call my boyfriend a dweeb, Cranberry. Especially when he just said he loves me for the first time.ā
āHe only said it because he thought you were dead.ā
āI am dead, so it counts.ā
āOnly half, so Iād say that puts you at a solid ālikeā. Timāsāand savour this, Tim, because Iām only going to say it onceāTimās intelligent, so Iām sure heāll come to his senses soon.ā
Danny just throws Red Hood such a shit-eating grin. A level of feral that Timās only seen before in Damian.Ā
āThatās what I used to say about Jazz, too.ā
Hood scoffs in offence, and to be honest, Timās not sure where he should go from here. What the hell is happening, how do they know each other?
āCome on, is anyone going to untie me or am I really meeting your family mafia-style?ā
āDo it yourself, Slimer.ā Red Hood laughs, crossing his arms.
āUgh, you suck so much. Iāll fucking slime you, just you wait. Canāt believe Jazz even likes you, I preferred it when she was dating Johnny.ā
And then, without Danny doing anything other than muttering obscenities at Red Hood, the ropes fall to the ground. In one swift motion, Danny stands up and stretches himself to his full height of 5ā6.
āAll of you need to explain, now.ā commands Batman, and honestly, Red Robinās very much on his side of it.
āI canāt believe itā¦ Jason and Timmy are both in secret relationships? Thatāsā¦ How come no one told me?ā Poor Nightwing sounds the most shocked out of all of them. He turns to Damian and clasps onto both of his shoulders. āYouāre not secretly dating, are you, D? Please tell me youāre not, please tell me youāre single, please?ā
Of course, Robin just clicks his tongue and pushes his hands away. Really, Red Robin doesnāt think that Nightwingās in any danger of that happening, heād be surprised if anyone could stand Robin enough to actually date him.
He shakes his head and turns to Danny, whoās staring right back at him, worry clear on his face.
Fuck, he... He's alive. He's really alive.
Tim pulls him into a bone-crushing hug, fingers buried deep in his NASA shirt. Tucking his face into the crook of Danny's shoulder, he laughs wetly with the joy of it. He's alive. He hasn't lost him. He's safe.
āIām sorry I havenāt told you before now, starshine, butā¦ā Danny breaks the hug and softly pulls away from him to rise on his tiptoes to place a kiss his cheek. The skin burns cold where his lips touch. āI love you, too. Also, youāre gonna wanna sit down. This is going to be a lot.ā
#dpxdc#dead tired#anger management#(barely but it's there haha)#dcxdp#hailsatanacrabš¦š¦writes#i'm sorry this has taken a while but also this week has kinda sucked and i'm still pissed off about that#so writing has been a nice little break from that!!!!#i hope you enjoy it!! i'm not fantastic with writing romance/ships so like... hope it's alright haha#also i feel kinda bad about not putting the whole phantom reveal too but like... we get that all that time haha#idk maybe i'll continue it#OH SHIT I FORGOT MY WRITING TAG HOLD ON#must admit - i do like that you can edit the tags now even though the new post maker sucks#anyway!!!!!!! i had this whole bit from danny's pov in the beginning where he just decided to go to sleep but realised that fucking sucked#it was so boring haha#so we got this instead!#hope the emotions came across - i feel like i have a tendency to just go cold and clinical when emotions happen#idk#oh! danny and tim met because danny's a part time barista and when tim ordered his monstrocity of a drink danny just winked and said#'ah the walking dead special coming right up!' and added another three espresso#jason and jazz met before they did though - and none of them knew they were dating the other's family#danny and jason have a bit of a rocky relationship - he's not good enough for jazz!! she deserves way better than some two-bit gangster!!#jason just thinks he's a cute overprotective brother - he really envies their relationship and wishes he could have something like that#he likes to rib danny and tbh danny is really warming up to him too - now that the gross stinky ecto is starting to filter out#(which is thanks to him and jazz - which jason does know about and is extremely grateful for)#(he really does love jazz and is a little bit jealous that tim told danny he loved him first)#(jason goes home that night and dips jazz into a kiss and whispers it into her skin over and over again)#(he loves her he loves her he loves her - and who the fuck is johnny?)#once tim gets over his shock he's doing good! of course he accepts danny there was never any question of that#he meets ellie and then introduces her to kon and the rest of the team and ellie decides she might like to do some superheroing for a bit
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He was absolutely wild for this btw
#Jin omg you canāt just kick children in the face like that š#LMFAOO#Iād defend him in the court of law no questions asked#also that Akihiko kick was personal bro had to have had some pent up anger or something šš#the fact that heās hanging onto his briefcase the whole time š#has he ever NOT been holding his briefcase I forgot#persona 3#p3#persona#jin shirato#akihiko sanada#ken amada
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actually so evil how much of hal's internal world gets obliterated with the rewriting of his relationships with jessica and martin.
#hal jordan#empyrean posting#ok going in the tags because im not actually v confident in my understanding of his character. i read all of his 80s/90s stuff but forgot#90% of it but ANYWAY.#so much of him just does not make sense with how geoff johns characterises him and his relationships with his parents particularly the#parallax stuff simply because of how much his relationship with the guardians and their apathy/'betrayal' is influenced by hal's original#relationship with his dad. like at its heart it's pretty much the same dynamic in how hal blindly trusts and sort of idolises the guardians#despite their repeated infractions in hope of... something in return just as he had with his father and the abuse he suffered at martin's#hands. that's what makes his anger at the guardians make sense when it does show itself because the relationship parallel didn't stop there.#as with martin hal gets nothing for his devotion. he gets nothing for doing everything that's asked of him and more and it ends the same way#too: with a man in the sky burning like a newborn star. and you lose so much of that nuance and intrigue behind that if you just make#jessica the 'bad one' because!!! you cheapen it!!!!#the whole idea of hal is that he has his father's face but his mother's scars#(to me). in the sense that they both reacted to martin the same way with that cognisance of who he was as a man yet inability to pull away#because... love. both the love they had for him and the conviction that he did or could love them too. and jessica arguably did eventually#but also she didnt did she? because she held onto that notion of love till the very end. the few scraps she had she ballooned outwards until#they became the whole. but hal didnt have even that and he spent his whole life chasing it & running away from wanting it at the same time#like i think there's something so interesting to the fact that he had to be convinced that flying was what he wanted to do. how much of that#was touched by his father? the fear that he was already too much like him than he could bear to be? he already had his face now he had his#dreams and longing for the sky. how much more could he have before he began repeating the cycle?#and at the end he even had his father's death. burning in the clouds. like there's so much there and that's not even touching on how it#impacts his relationships with other heroes. not just in the sense of why did kyle clark and diana get to keep their close yet complex#relationships with their moms when hal had to lose his (although yeah why did they) but also just how he lets himself come across to them.#because it's on purpose right? that he lets them think his reflection of his father is born out of unadulterated love for a man worthy of it#? he has his father's job he wears his father's jacket he smiles his father's smile. what else are they supposed to think.#and isnt that interesting!!! that this man who is so committed to being good & just can lie so casually to people he thinks of as friends!!!#can you see how that might be his mother through and through!!! in how she might have glossed over the abuse to other people and herself!!!#can you see how in spite of it all he might want to be perceived as his father that paragon of masculinity and resent that he is not!!!#do you understand how everything he loves has been poisoned!!! im thinking of that scene where he tells bruce about watching martin die &#wouldnt it have been so much more interesting through this lens. how he is both revealing & obfuscating at once. i hate the change sm
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dragons rising really went "so what if we fucking nail every character and make every character fucking rule and introduce a bunch of new characters and oh here's kai just getting the best characterization in years/fucking ever. like man kai deserves some time so let's just make him the best. here's all the depth to kai that you've been imagining for the past decade. just for you" and then i'm supposed to be normal about it
also the fact that he made this big sacrifice, telling bonsel to close the portal, and nobody even gets to know he willingly sacrificed himself this time. cuz they couldn't hear him.
oh and here's a kai and nya kid flashback go cry about it
last season we had a kid lloyd flashback. any bets on kid jay, cole, or newly built zane flashbacks?
#ninjago dragons rising#dragons rising spoilers#ninjago spoilers#ninjago dragons rising spoilers#ninjago masters of spinjitzu#cole was great this season#so was zane#and arin and sora had cool arcs#but holy shit kai#he has been consistently stealing the show this season#that scene with wyldfyre#all the scenes with wyldfyre#the fact that he referenced his time mourning nya#how he is still profoundly stupid and weird and cringe and lame#but also so fuckin cool and loving and caring about everyone#he loves his family so much#he's really good at what he does!#this isn't the kai that falls apart with anger#this is the kai that still gets fucking angry and frustrated#but then listens to his family and deals with it#kai ninjago#kai smith#cole has my whole heart but kai#kai is special to me#they all are to be fair#anyway i liked the new season#pacing was wonky but the quality was consistently good with fun jokes and cool animation and scenes#i like it a lot#i wanna work for lego one day#that would be nice
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ruthlessly deleting old 2021/2022 posts (not by me) from my dean studies tag like *click* un-incorporating that from my beliefs system! also the way SO many posts have me like ok uh-huh good aaand then say one completely wrong thing that loses me. it's so many posts.
#it's usually when they randomly drop some line of fanon. like saying dean has never admitted to being wrong in his life#or never expressed an emotion or been vulnerable or doesn't Talk About Feelings or is super duper RepressedTM#like i'm sorry. have you watched the show. oh and have you taken off the sammy POV goggles first?#bc this guy is always crying and being vulnerable and talking about his feelings. he is self-aware.#he may not always want to talk to sam abt things! but he sure does talk about things with other people#do i need to reblog the compilation posts AGAIN?#(also re: his sexualiy? AWARE. sorry i saw him flirt and be flustered by so many men. he knows how he feels.)#and then 'first time ever admitting to being wrong' this one came from a post abt dean's prayer in the trap#like i'm sorry but first of all. dean apologizes more than any other character on the show. there are hard numbers on this.#people have tracked this on spreadsheets. i think ilarual is one of them.#and often he is apologizing for things that aren't even his fault! but he still feels responsible for bc he's been made to feel that way#his whole life!!#other characters *cough samandcas *cough* apologizing Less doesn't mean they've Done less things wrong#it just means they're not owning up to it and brushing it under the rug. something both do frequently.#anyways. aside from apologies. dean also has no problem admitting he's wrong y'know when he's actually wrong#which is less often than you'd think bc he has pretty good instincts and intuition and often suspects things which turn out to be Right#but anyways. another thing abt the trap prayer is. i don't think cas Needed to be forgiven#i think dean was justified in feeling angry w cas over the circumstances leading to the Death of His Mother! totally normal grief response!#i think cas also understands dean to be someone who needs time to process and deal with his feelings (he says as much to jack)#however. despite me not think dean Needs to forgive cas. the thing is. with dean when it comes to cas the forgiveness is implicit#when he says /of course i forgive you/ and in the cut like /of course i wanted you to stay/ like. yes he was mad and dealing with grief#but also. yes cas was already forgiven even back then. he just needed Time to work through the feelings#anyways i think dean says he 'forgives' cas bc it's what CAS needed to hear to stop feeling guilty and dean gives him that closure#but i also think cas was already forgiven even in dean's anger. he wants him there always. i'd rather have you. we can fix this. etc etc#a lot of tags for a non-rebloggable post ajksdfs maybe i'll make these into a real post sometime#vic.txt#dean and feelings#so i can find this all again later
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Thinking again about my plans for Vash and Knives in ITNL
Which I can't really get into the specifics for How I'm going to do things w/o going into spoiler territory. But I Do have Vash & Knives tagged on the fic for a reason. I set up in the first chapter that Vash is determined to try to save Knives too.
Which. That choice, as well as the entire basis for all of this, depends so much on that final fight in trimax. The one that was literally a scene away from where ITNL Vash went back in time. His mentality just a hair's width away from that...
At the end of trimax, there was reconciliation, however brief and incomplete it was. In ITNL, my question to myself was How could I induce that again? Under different circumstances, How Else could we get there? And that is the long-game in ITNL.
#speculation nation#itnl shit#i say reconciliation instead of redemption. because i think redemption is a difficult thing to capture well.#and it would require Knives to feel remorse or regret for his actions. which i dont think he would really.#but. potentially. if the stars align. maybe his goals can be redirected into something productive.#and maybe reconciliation can be achieved. just maybe.#the redirection here is important bc i dont think Knives would abandon his ideals Even If Vash got thru to him#but the key is convincing him that theres another way. that he can protect the plants w/o killing humanity.#easier said than done though. vash and knives are two peas in a pod after all. so incredibly stubborn.#but vash would want to try. because he Doesnt want to kill anyone. not even knives. though if it ended up necessary.....#well. better to try for reconciliation first. that one's as a last resort lol.#ultimately vash Does miss his brother. we see this at the end of trimax. that's the crux of that moment i think. for both of them.#realizing that once upon a time they only had each other. they were Brothers. they were Close. and they both Miss That.#those feelings were buried under miles of anger and resentment on both sides. but under the right circumstances.....#thats why it's important that ITNL was a hair's width away from that scene. bc he was on the verge of having that realization himself.#i replaced that moment with ITNL vash feeling thru the plant conglomerate the whole of knives' self. and his Realization.#the Knowledge that the brother he used to love is still in there somewhere. but he also wouldnt be able to survive this.#and thus his about-turn from 'nothing remained of the brother he loved. he had to stop him.' to 'i'm sorry. i'll save you too.'#hfalhxksd ultimately it's all so FINICKY and ive barely touched on it so far in ITNL. bc Knives has been off in the goop tube or whatever#but ive given it a Lot of thought. and id be so close to Getting There... to the next steps at least... if i kept writing.#hrrgmg. i am Thinking Thoughts...
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the importance of "we make our own rules" just clicked
#manifestation theory#deaths are mostly dictated by mike's emotions#and madwheeler have always had problems#but el's done playing mike's game#we make our own rules. you're not going. walking past mike rolling her eyes#the last time someone got this mad about mike's KOs was lucas over will in season 1#(and then mike tried to kill himself about it)#also nancy. she's been furious this whole time but no one will tell her the true source of her anger (for good reason)#max and el are the same age now as nancy and barb were then#mike's been learning to surrender control and trust his friends (ESPECIALLY el) at the same time as el has been gaining her independence#specifically FROM mike + having her inherited black and white worldview challenged#and will told el they'd fix it together#mike doesn't know how to fix this but that doesn't mean no one else can figure it out#if you can't beat the game change the rules#tldr; max mayfield character of all time
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thinking abt jaime having to cuddle with a wounded brienne because itās cold and sheās shivering and having nightmares ā¦
#like the whole concept of jaime having to take care of brienne the same way she did for him back in asos#but this time he has to be GENTLE bc sheās literally bruised and broken all over. arm fractured ribs broken big ass wound on her cheek.#and heās never been gentle before. he has to learn how to be gentle so he doesnāt hurt her even more ā¦.#bc he thinks the reason why sheās in that state is bc of him..!!! like jaime learning that she DID hang for him ā¦#having to grapple his anger over the knowledge that she did that FOR him (why?????) but also being gentle and kind to her bc thatās the#least that he can do for herā¦..!!!!!!! heās mad at her but he will still care for her. his feelings does not negate the care that he will#give. and then cue the introspection bc sheās sleeping in his arms and heās just like why would you even do this you foolā¦#then also like WHY is he so upset about it. and then when he sees the bruises on her throat itās like why does he feel guilty ā¦.#itās such a rich moment I love any instances where that concept is explored#but I think what I love the most is the role reversal from asos bc jaime considered her as his protector#now HEāS the one whoās going to have to take up that mantle ā¦. šāāļøšāāļøšāāļøšāāļøšāāļø
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Gonna be spreading my āRusty befriends and takes care of Nineā propaganda because I REFUSE to believe they leave him alone in the Grim
#sonic prime#I read like 3 fics about their dynamic and now I want more#the whole reason nine was like that because he was alone and had nobody til he met sonic#and youāre telling me he loses his only friend and has to live the rest of his life alone and hated by everyone???#nah I donāt think so#can I rant for a little bit?#Thorn and Rusty are hypocrites#Thorn kicked out the scavengers and literally starved them#and she attacks them everytime they go looking for food#yeah the scavengers shouldnāt have been uhhh whatās the word#taking more than they should and destroying the jungle#but Thorn didnāt have to STARVE them when she couldāve just explained why they shouldnāt do that#yeah they forgave her but what makes Thorn different from Nine#when heās doing the same thing she did yet gets hated by everyone (except sonic ig)#and Rusty has definitely hurt people considering she worked for the chaos council#and is the reason why the No Place gang almost sunk like a few times#again what makes her different from Nine?#AND (I forgot which episode) when Sonic was talking to Nine he was actually listening and probably wouldnāt have attacked#if literally everyone didnāt show up like- š#and Nine took it as another betrayal from Sonic and panicked that turned into anger#and Sonic didnāt even reassure him or told the group off because he FINALLY got some progress#only for it to go down the drain#like was that revenge for Sonic not listening to THEM the last 2 seasons?#anyway I feel like Rusty would be the one to understand Nine the most considering they were both used by the council#rusty rose#oh yeah Nine Sails and Mangey deserve to be brothers#miles nine prower
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i will literally never understand when a character gets hate for being āoverdramaticā or highly emotional because like. i live for that shit. i fucking love when a character has a strong emotional response to a relativelyĀ āminorā thing i love when characters cry easily and frequently i love when characters are loud andĀ āannoyingā i live for drama. if a character is frequently hated on by fans for being annoying there is a 9/10 chance that character is one of my faves. no i dont think my neurodivergence has anything to do with this
#skye's ramblings#ihave been the number one annoying character defender my whole life and i dont intend to stop. dont worry little guy i get you take my hand#the 'emotionally distant traumatized emo' is almost never a character i get majorly attached to even if i alost always like them#but when t/pn said yeah we got one of those except he fucking sucks at hiding his emotions and has explosive anger issues iwas like#oh you. you are mine. my specialest little guy forever. i will kill anything for you. its been over a year and a half w no signs of fading#he has sooo much fierce love in his heart and its not negated by his ptsd or the less socially accepted symptoms. i fucking LOVE RAY!!!!!!!!#also the way don is sooo emotionally vulnerable and has a hard time regulating them. the way he loses the most important person in his life#and the fucking flood of emotions is so much that he doesnt even know how to process it and just starts LAUGHING?? god i love him. ilove him#yes its mostly the Comfort Characters but soo many emotional characters resonate w me deeply. everyone in this series is deeply autistic
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The rescent riots in the UK are despicable (but sadly not surprising).
Yes, what happened to those little girls is a tradgey, but the person who was responsible wasn't an asylum seeker, and even if he was, that would NOT excuse the racism displayed these past few weeks.
The people taking part clearly don't care about the safety of children as they're, scaring other people's & indoctrinationating their own into perpetuating racist acts.
Seven years is a lot, though! Then don't fucking join a hate group.
But the non white people are being violent too! Yeah, well, that tends to happen when you attack people. I'm not going to hate on people for standing up for themselves.
They're taking our jobs! Why do you believe that those jobs are YOURS? Are you actually qualified & able to make a good impression on bosses, or do you think just being white should be enough.
They don't work! Well Asylum seekers litrually aren't allowed to until their case gose through but plenty of other POC have jobs (I know you've seen them though it must be hard to make them out through that fog of hatred) & I've met plenty of white people who don't want to (no hate to those who can't because of disability or mental health issues) or loose jobs because they're just overall terrible employees (some of the shit I've seen middle aged white people do at their jobs is crazy).
They're all criminals! Well, that's just not true now is it plus it's been proven multiple times that the biggest factor in crime is poverty, NOT race & again I've encountered plenty of white people who've broken the law yet most didn't seem to get more than a slap on the wrist (if that). Strange, that isn't it?
Well, "those kinds" of men hate women! Ahh, yes, because there's never been white rapists, woman killers, stalkers or harrasers. Its been proven that hating women is a problem in all races & and sadly, the biggest threat to us is usually our own partners or family, not some random aylsum seeker (who if they do hurt women tend to go after the ones from their own community).
They're not from here! Ok, so I don't know if anyone told you, but you can actually be born here without being white and you can't ban people from a country just because of the colour of their skin. Also, neither was half my family, yet we never get told to go back to our own country. Hmm, I wonder if our white skin could possibly have anything to do with that.
They can't speak English! A lot of them are multilingual, actually (& you make fun of their accents) & for the ones who can't well you seem to hate them getting anything (such as English lessons) for free. Also, how many Brits go abroad despite refusing to learn absolutely anything about other countries (there's a reason we're known as disrespectful, violent, sex obsessed, drunks by most of the world).
Also sooner or later we are going to have to accept that a lot of the issues that make immigrants flee their home countries are caused (or at least made worse) by ours & other Western governments.
This country definitely has problems, but we should be taking them up with politicians & their rich mates. Who are the ones actually hording wealth made from the exploitation of the poor, not random people of colour who are just trying to live their lives.
#uk#uk race riots#uk racism#uk riots#riots#racisim#I wanted to post about this straight away but my job has been taking a lot out of me#my phyical & mental health has not been great#rescently (due to unrelated personal stuff) & I wanted to make sure I worded my thoughts as fully & appropriately as possible.#so even though it's later than it should have been (which I apologize for) I thought I should still comment on the situation#Especially as a white person who was born outside the uk but has lived here bassically my whole life#Lastly I wanted to let my followers know where I stand#i know i reblogged something about whats been happening a while back but it felt wrong not to give my actual thoughts on the matter#my heart gose out to any poc struggling right now#i wish i could say this isn't my country but there's always been a racist underbelly to the UK#& unfortunately it seems to be bubbling up more & more these past few years#i think social media is partly to blame (thanks to vice in misinformation & conspiracy theories)#obviously covid plays a part as well (people have lost so much & need somewhere to put their anger)#but the biggest cause (other than personal choise of course as I don't ever wanna erase the accountability of biggits) is our government#cost of living crisis mixed with low wages & little effective financial help#of course jobs are gonna be scarce#add on top of that our failing infurtructer#& no wonder the uk is a mess#but again people need something more tangebible to blame#& the torries (+ all right wing media) have wasted no time in turning migrants into the ultimate scapegoats#& unfortunately people keep falling for it#even my dad has started in on the āwoke mobā stuff & its like i still love you & i know youāve had a hard life but#god is it upsetting to hear#like he was never very PC but he was pretty radical#now he's becoming more & more like his dad (who was apparently a fascist) & i know younger him would hate that
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#okay I'm talking in the tags of this post cause shit is happening in my life and I gotta talk about it somewhere#one part of it is my step brother crashing and burning before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop his own destructive actions#so it's just me watching this poor kid ruin his relationships and blame everything and everyone around him as he does so#despite the fact that he's undeniably been treated horribly at times- he's just turned that anger back onto others and himself#and I have no idea what to feel as I watch him get arrested. have drug problems. because I'm just waiting for the inevitable spiral#it doesn't help that my mom has been comparing us and saying that I'm the much better child and she wishes he was like me#not understanding that I couldāve been him if I was just more angry at the world at that age instead of being so sad and scared#and that leads me to my fucking mom cause like- I love her. we've been through alot of bad shit with her#I've almost done some really bad shit for her and I know that she loves me more than anything else#but it feels like its been getting more and more suffocating cause I'm not sure she's able to start seeing me as an adult#and start loosening her grip around me and let me breathe. to have my own experiences without her by my side#to be able to go places and imagine a future without her constantly by my side#she talks and it's like she doesn't even think to wonder that perhaps I want to form my own experiences#and experience the world on my own terms because I feel like I've spent my whole life having so little damn control#religious family. shit and neglectful father who turned into the exact opposite and nearly killed me. family who refuses to listen and talk#having to move and run immediately. put survival above all else. go to school. get out. and god I just wanna breathe#she loves me so much and I love her too. but I feel like I'll be sooner crushed if I stick here for long enough#I'm just mad that my life has been nothing but absolutely no love. sudden waves of intense love. absolutely nothing. sudden spike#and I feel like I'm just finally starting to form good. healthy relationships on my own terms and actually make friends#because I had no idea what I was doing when I was a kid cause I was so fucking lonely and hurting#now I just. gotta figure out how to tell my mom that I can't carry this expectation that I'll continue to stay forever by her side#it just feels like I'm her child first and a person second. and it sucks. it really sucks.#ough. spins and spins and spins and spins-
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i have too many vanitas headcannons that i just have rattle around in my head
#mun in the moon [ ooc ]#i have no idea how he got to me so badly on this playthrough of KH#i think he only knows like. fire magic and maybe one or two other spells#i think he doesnt know healing magic at all#i know that boy doesnt know how to read and write he was raised in the KEYBLADE GRAVEYARD by XEHANORT#i think he doesnt do training matches he acts like hes fighting to the death in every fight ever#hence why he just fuckin#flops on the ground after so many fights in bbs#he just puts his entire strength and all his energy into every fight so viciously he doesnt keep stamina#so after it hes just absolutely winded#holding my head in my hands. boy whos anger comes from a deep sense of lonliness and envy because hes been alone all his life#and wants what ventus has so bad cause hes gotten so many looks into it#but he thinks the only way he can Stop feeling like that is straight up just dying. and becoming whole with him again#cause he hasnt been given the space to breathe and deprogram himself from thinking hes a monster not made to exist#which. it doesnt help in the bbs times darkness was way more villianized people didnt think you needed both!!!#so everyone would've just been like ew youre mad of darkness youre evil right away anyways even without the xehanort influence#i know he hates looking at his reflection and so many parts of himself cause hes like ew im just a mismash of ventus and sora#my boys lack of a sense of identity out of being a weapon or feeling like something not meant to exist#just meant to die to fulfill a bigger purpose and become someone else again#everyone else is trying to get out of the heart hotel hes trying to get IN#anyways. im normal now.#i have so many other thoughts but i cant word them just yet. boy who i adopted 3 days ago rotting my head
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