#him go away? (according to my memory but it’s really trash)

[danzainosolitude]

I thought I swore off my hero academia years ago but here I am reading Yesterday Upon the Stair. Not particularly interesting (not a fan of Fanon Deku) and hard to read (cringy) at some points, but I was curious about what people were raving about. Maybe it’ll get better in the next 50 chapters. Just gotta hold out and maybe I’ll find a great fic. 4/10 so far.

[glassartpeasants]

Run Rabbit Run pt.04

Yandere!Eustass Kid x F!Reader

Warnings: Slight gore, nightmares, being stabbed, death, Heat being a real one once again, blood, mentions of injuries, trauma responses, forgotten memories???, edited to the best Grammarly would let me, long fic

Trash Summary: After an incident that blurs reader's memory, she's met with a crisis. Turn a blind eye and continue to love the man who saved her or dig deeper and find out who Kidd truly is.

A/N: I was feeling a little silly and decided that Kidd hit the reader a little too hard after the last chapter, so here you go. This shit is fucking LONGGGGGG. And very much edited to the best of my abilities. Grammarly wasn't on my side so it is what it is. really hope it's not confusing

music playlist

pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 pt.8 pt.9 pt.10

@rebeccawinters @iggy5055 @dairygrrl @childconnoisseur @menifire1092

~~~

It was always so easy to sleep when you lay next to Kidd. His heartbeat was like a lullaby when you laid your head on his chest. Your fingers would sometimes trace the scars that adorned his body. All of them containing a different story. You liked to place small kisses on them just to see Kidd’s face turn brighter than his hair.

When you weren’t sleeping next to each other, you’d sit on his lap and watch him work on whatever new project he had in his shop. You even got to help him make his robotic arm! The happiness you felt inside when he praised you made your face burn hot. You loved making him happy. 

He’d tell you stories about his travels on the sea’s before meeting you. Tell you all sorts of things that only you would ever know. The trust he put in you had your heart overflowing with love. 

When you laid in bed together, you’d tell him about your day or about the new book you’ve read. He’d just sit there and listen, not saying a word, only humming when you ask if he was still awake. He might not be the most romantic guy in the New World, but he was perfect the way he was. 

And that’s all that mattered to you.

~~~~

Leaning against the railing, you look out to the sea. The beautiful sunset had a calm washing over you. Even though the smell of salt hit your nose, it still didn’t change your mood. Why would it? This is the happiest you’ve ever been in your life! How can you be sad when you have the love of your life by your side?

You don’t know what you would’ve done if you hadn’t met Kidd. No one’s ever made you so happy! He truly was an angel in disguise. He saved you from a group of pirates who burned down your home! At least, that's what Kidd helped you remember. You couldn’t remember what the pirates looked like, but you remember seeing Kidd’s face. With that in mind, he helped you remember that he rescued you.

According to Kidd, PTSD and trauma can cause people to forget things. He told you it was okay to forget things. Everyone does. It made you feel better that he knew you so well. You swear he knows you better than you know yourself.

“Pretty, ain’t it?” Your thoughts were interrupted by a voice beside you. To your shock, it was Heat leaning against the railing next to you.

“It is. You’ve been pretty busy these past few months, huh? Feels like I’ve barely seen you.”

“The New World keeps you busy. How’s it with…Kidd?” Heat sends you a look that you couldn’t decipher. Almost sadness, maybe pity? But what would he have to pity you for? You were perfectly healthy, and your life is great!

“Great! He told me he’s making me something, so I’m looking forward to that!” You feel a big smile crawl across your face as you look at the man beside you.

“That’s good.” A silence followed after his words.

“Oh! Also, he’s teaching me self-defense! He’s worried that other pirate groups are gonna take me away. Isn’t he such a sweetheart for worrying about me?” Your gushing didn’t help fix Heat’s expression. Instead, it seemed to worsen it.

“What’s wrong, Heat? You look sad?” Heat sighs before pushing himself off the railing.

“Does the name Sabaody mean anything to you by chance?” 

“Huh? I mean, the name sounds familiar, but I can’t remember.” You hear Heat mumble to himself, but you can’t make it out. 

“I see. Well, just know that I’m sorry.” You furrow your brows as you watch him walk away. His words made an unease settle inside you. What could he have to be sorry for? Maybe you just misheard? Yeah, that’s the logical answer.

The whole experience made you tired and the calming sunset didn’t help either. With one last look at the sea, you make your way to your and Kidd’s shared bedroom. You couldn’t wait to snuggle under the covers and lay next to him.

Opening the door, you see Kidd already passed out. You smile as you discard your own clothes before joining him in bed.

Throwing open the covers, you lay behind him and look at his bare back. The skin looked so soft that you couldn’t help but gently drag your fingers against his shoulder blades before kissing them. You can feel him tense slightly but let out a small sigh. Rolling his shoulder blades, Kidd turns to look at you over his shoulder.

“Having fun?” Kidd’s groggy voice had you silently laughing.

“Am I not allowed to admire my love? You work so hard as a captain. No doubt you’ll become King of The Pirates.” Kidd turns around to face you, his hair cascading down his face. You smile at him before cupping his cheeks and moving to give him a kiss. His flesh arm grabs you and pulls you closer. You scoot up so your face to face with him. Wanting nothing more than to look in his eyes.

“Cheesy.” He laughs as you pout at his words. With a huff, you turn around, upset that he ruined the mood. 

“You big baby.” Kidd places his head on your shoulder before kissing your neck. He kisses the sensitive skin before nibbling across your neck, making you sigh.

“Your so lucky I love you.” A groan leaves Kidd’s lips, and it vibrates along your neck.

“Say it again.”

“I love you Kidd.” You smile as you move your hand so you can run your fingers through Kidd’s red locks. The familiar silk feeling never faded. You can feel Kidd start to suck against your neck to the point red blotches appear.

“I love you too.” It was a silent whisper but still loud enough to have your heart overflowing with love. You never wanted to leave his side. He was the love of your life, and you couldn’t bear the thought of living without him.

~~~~

“Come on! Let’s go shopping! You’ve been busy all week! I haven’t seen you other than bedtime, and even then, you're out cold!” You grab Kidd’s flesh hand with both of yours as you try to drag him away from leaving the bedroom.

“I told you I’m working on something. Don’t be impatient, princess.” Kidd laughs with a cocky grin before throwing you over his shoulder and leaving the room.

“Plus…”

“There’s something I want you to try.”

“Oh? Did Killer make something new?”

“No, and why do you assume Killer made something? I can cook!”

“You’ll be good at cooking the day the sky turns green.” You feel a slight pinch on your thigh, causing you to slap Kidd’s back.

“That hurt you jerk!”

“Kidd!” The sound of footsteps running caught your attention as you caught Killer in the corner of your eye.

“What? Can’t you see I’m busy?” You couldn’t help but laugh when you heard Killer sigh.

“Anyways, we’ve got everything stocked, so we can set sail anytime.”

“Alright, let’s get going.” Kidd’s response had your face drop and your mood souring.

“Hey! You said we could go shopping after you had me try something!”

“Never said that. Nice try, princess.”

“Well, you heavily implied it!” Kidd laughed at you, and it only pissed you off more.

“I actually needed things! I could have just gone by myself-”

“No!” Kidd’s voice boomed in the hallway, echoing repeatedly in your ears. You could feel your mouth grow dry, and your heart skipped a beat. Turning back, you see Kidd glaring at you with his amber eyes. His piercing gaze made you freeze as the look was something you’d never seen before from him.

“You are never to leave this ship unless I say so. Do you understand?” His words put a heavy unease in your stomach. You look at him with shock before you grit your teeth. The air was so tense you could cut it with a knife.

“I’ve got somewhere to be. Bye-” Killer quickly left, leaving you and Kidd alone.

“Kidd put me down.” Seemingly, Kidd snapped out of whatever ‘trance’ he was in and started tripping over his own words.

“Shit I-well…I mean-” You didn’t want to hear it. You were an adult woman who could make her own choices. Even if you loved Kidd, you wouldn’t let him talk to you like that.

“Put me down now. This is not for discussion.” He held onto you for a few more seconds before putting you down. You look up at his face, and to your distress, it was blank. No emotion or anything. But he emitted an aura that had you scurrying away without saying another word.

Seeing Kidd like that deeply disturbed you. Why weren’t you allowed off the ship? And why did you need his permission? Does he not trust you or something? What reason would he have to keep you trapped on the ship?

Your head started pounding, causing you to stop in your tracks. Another migraine. You’ve been getting them a lot more recently, and you couldn’t pinpoint why you got them or why they’ve become more common. It was always in the same spot, right in the back of your head. There happened to be a huge scar there so you originally thought it had to do with that, but Kidd was very insistent that it had nothing to do with the headaches. That it was just a councidence. Per  your request though, kidd’s brought doctors to the ship to check you out, but no results. They gave you some meds, but nothing worked. No ice, meds, dark rooms, or water helped with the pain that it caused. Even though the meds didn’t do anything, you still took them just in case. Which is why you needed to go to town today. To get meds and scar cream.

The scar cream was needed because every time your eyes landed on your body, you saw scars that stuck out like a sore thumb. It bothered you more that you can’t remember how you got them. Well, you did know a few now after Kidd told you what happened. The two rough scars that adorned your left thigh was caused by a Marine after they stabbed you in the thigh when you wouldn’t tell them where Kidd was. There were times where it made you scratch your head cause you were sure that you’d remember something like that.

Another scar you don’t remember is the one on your ankle. Kidd said a pirate tried kidnapping you by putting a shackle on your ankle. While it fit the scar mark, surely it would have taken much longer to make such a scar if you were only really kidnapped for a day or two, like he said. He said the same thing about the one around your neck. Still, your logical side said it was impossible to cause such scars in such a short time. By the looks of them, it would have taken months to cause such damage to the skin. But it didn’t make sense. Why would Kidd lie about something like that?

You understood that trauma can cause memory loss. How much memory is lost truly depends on the person. If that was the case with you, did that mean you endured so much that you forgot almost everything? The thought ate at you. You only had so many memories with Kidd, and when you tried asking him to help you remember more, his eyes went wide, and he stuttered on his words again. At that time, you let it go. Having no reason to question him.

While walking along the ships halls, lost in your thoughts, you passed by a door that caught your attention. Stopping in front of it, you look at it with curiosity. While you don’t remember the door, it feels like you’ve been here before. Curiosity got the best of you, so you went to open the door, only to realize it was locked. A frown works its way on your face before you start backing up. Maybe if you charge at it a little bit, it’ll open.

You didn’t know why you needed to get in so badly, but you wouldn’t leave till you saw what was in that room. So, with a deep breath, you charged your body towards the door.

The sound of your body impacting the door rang throughout the hall. Strangely, the door collapsed after one hit. The sound of the door hitting the ground had a thunderous noise coming from it. You look at the door hinges and notice old damage compared to the new damage you just caused.

“What the?” Looking inside the dark room, you can barely make out what was a lantern light near the very back of the room. Biting your lip, you move quickly through the dark and turn on the lantern light. The suffocating dark of the room soon leaves.

Once you turned on the light, your eyes met an entire wall full of tally marks. A tingling sense of fear hits you as you look closer to them. They weren’t deep enough to be caused by a knife, so it had to be something else. 

Looking closer at the scratched wood, you see something embedded in it. Leaning down, you grab it and bring it closer to the light to get a better look. To your shock, it was a fingernail with dried blood on the very bottom of it.

Goosebumps prickled at your skin as the thought of who this could belong to had an unease forming in your stomach. You’ve never heard of this room, and you never heard of Kidd keeping prisoners. The room felt soul-crushing the more you looked around it. 

Books scattered across the floor, dust slowly collecting on them. A makeshift bed with a mattress and a few blankets. The bed hadn’t been made, so it caused more questions to roam in your head. If a person was actually in here, did something happen to them? If so, what?

The final nail in the coffin was when you see a spot on the wooden wall that looked darken then the rest of the room. With a deep breath, you slowly move to the spot. With shaky hands, you carefully touch the wood and the texture had a shiver running up your spine. You lifted up the latern light to get a closer look and you can feel time stop as you stare at the wall. 

There was no doubt in your mind that what you were looking at was dried blood and how some of it soaked into the wall. Your eyes even catch what seems to be strands of hair stuck against the nails that secured the walls together. Moving the lantern closer, you can see the color of said hair. The room tempeture seemingly dropped to zero when you see that the type of hair stuck against the wall was almost the same as your own.

Your heartbeat quickened, and you decided it was time to leave the small room. While grabbing the light, you see a white piece of paper sticking out from the floorboards in the corner of the room. Almost as if it was trying to be hidden. The paper moved side to side even though there was no wind.

Quickly kneeling down to grab it, you carefully pick up the paper only to realize it was a viver card with the name ‘Rayleigh’ scribbled on it.

“Rayleigh? Who’s…” Your thoughts were interrupted when you heard footsteps coming down the hall. The feeling of impending doom hit you hard, so you quickly scrambled out of the room before running away in the opposite direction of the footsteps.

~~~~

All you did was stare at the food in front of you. It was dinner time, and you still couldn’t get rid of your migraine or the intense feeling of unease. The room full of tally marks that contained an unknown viver card, the dried bloody spot on the wall, Kidd’s outburst, and Heat’s words from the other day all mushed up inside you. You didn’t know what was happening, but you wanted to eliminate the gnawing feeling you were experiencing on the ship you were supposed to call home. 

The thought of the tally marks didn’t help you when you remembered the fingernail you found embedded in the wood. While it was disturbing to see it, it was even more distressing when you looked at your own nails. The nail that was supposed to be on your pointer finger was missing, and it seems like it never regrew another one. Not to mention how hair with the same color and texture of yours was also embedded into the the bloody wood.

While it could be an eerie coincidence, it still fueled an unknown fire inside you.

“Hey (Y/N), you okay? Your staring at your plate, and you haven’t eaten a thing.” Looking up, you see Killer sitting on the other side of you.

“I just have a huge migraine, and I’ve been feeling really uneasy. I’m probably just tired or dehydrated. No need to worry.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.” You snap at the man in front of you.

“Is it about Kidd? Have you talked to him yet?”

“No, I haven’t. He needs to apologize first. Treating me like a captive rather than a girlfriend.” Killer coughed, causing you to look at him.

“Ah, I see. I’ll go talk to him. How does that sound?” Letting out a sigh of relief, you smile at Killer.

“That sounds good. Thank you.”

“No problem.” Killer left without another word, leaving you alone now with a cold dinner. Even with Killer going to talk to Kidd, you still didn’t get rid of the unease. 

“Psst-(Y/N)!” You hear someone whisper next to you. Turning your head, you see Heat standing outside, waving you over. Quickly looking around, when you saw no one was watching you, you made your way to Heat.

“Hey, what did you need-”

“Eat this.” Heat suddenly shoves something against your chest. You quickly grab it before looking down at it—a yellow-colored fruit with an unnatural pattern and shape. 

“What the hell is-”

“No time to explain. Eat first.”

“You didn’t poison it, did you?”

“Eat it!”

“Okay! Okay!” You quickly take a bite and swallow to try to appease the man before you. The fruit's disgusting flavor hit your mouth, and just as you were about to puke, Heat stopped you.

“I know it’s gross, but you need to eat it all. It’s vital that you do.” Looking Heat in the eyes, you see a look of urgency in them. Despite how disgusting it tasted, you had no reason to doubt Heat, so you choked it down.

“Alright, it’s down. Now tell me what the hell I just ate.” You gag slightly before looking at Heat. 

“I’ll tell you later, okay? I can’t right now, not when everyone’s awake.” Before you can ask what he meant, you see Heat run across the ship without a sound. It was dark, so he was hard to see to anyone not looking for him.

“Heat you ass. You better tell me what I ate the next time I see you.” The gross taste of the fruit only stuck to your tongue as you whispered into the dark sky. The disgusting aftertaste had you grabbing some water to try and get rid of it. Whatever he made you eat, there better be a good explanation for it.

~~~~

There was an awkward silence between the two of you. You could feel Kidd staring at you as you faced away from him. He hasn’t apologized, and you weren’t going to talk to him till he does.

“Enough of this bullshit.” Before you could question, you felt his flesh hand grab you and pull you close to him. Your back hit his chest as he wrapped his arm around you, locking you in place. Kidd places his head on your own before letting out a sigh.

“Clingy.” You feel him grab your breast, causing you to yelp and hit his arm.

“Mm, not clingy.” Kidd moved his head to your shoulder before placing kisses along your shoulder blade before making his way to your neck. Even though you were mad at him, he always managed to make you forgive him by fucking your brains out. But this time was different. The way his voice sounded, and the look he gave you wasn’t something a simple fuck could fix.

“Us fucking won’t make me forgive you for the way you talked to me earlier. All I want to know is why you were acting the way you were.” With your best attempt, you turn to face him. His hair was down and his face bare, letting you see tiny freckles adorning his skin. You’ll never understand why he hides them. It makes him look so cute.

“Just worry.” Kidd moves his gaze away from you. 

“Worried that I’ll get hurt?”

“Yes. Happy now?” A red hue covered Kidd’s face. He wasn’t a man of many words when it came to expressing what he felt. You sigh before placing a kiss on the tip of Kidd’s nose.

“What are you doing?!”

“Giving you a kiss 'cause I forgive you. Just promise not to do that again, alright?”

“Fine, I promise.” It was a whisper, but you’d take it. You smile at Kidd before going to kiss every inch of his face.

Kidd grumbled before his face was as red as his hair. He always got so flustered when you showered him with affection. His cheeks would burn and warm up your cold fingers every time.

“Once we hit the next island, we’re going shopping together, okay? If you're truly worried that I’ll get hurt, you need to plan the day with me.” You softly spoke as you connected your forehead to Kidd’s.

“Why do you wanna go so badly? I can have Killer shop for you-”

“Killer has shit taste. Plus, I’d like to pick out my own panties. What do you want Killer to see-” Kidd pulled you down to his chest, your face smashed against it. 

“Okay, you made your point. On the next island we go, we’ll shop. But you are NOT leaving leaving my sight.”

“So paranoid. It’s not like I’m gonna run away.” Kidd squeezed you tight, causing you to cough.

“Just go to sleep.” Rolling your eyes, you press a kiss to his chest and close your eyes. Happy that he finally let you go shopping with him.

Your eyes flutter open when you feel drops of water hitting your face. The water pounded against your skin as you picked yourself up. Rubbing your eyes, you find yourself in a deep forested area caked in mud.

Standing up, you feel your feet sink into the mud, only stopping when your foot is fully covered. The rain slightly cleaned the dirt out of your head as it drenched your now shivering form.

You looked around, and you couldn’t see the end of the forest for miles. A sinking feeling settles in your heart as you realize your alone. You try to scream out for Kidd or anyone, but nothing comes out. Even when you tried to talk in general, all that left your lips was silence. Your heart starts beating against your ribs as the thought of being alone in such a dark forest makes fear fill you.

Just then, the smell of smoke and the feeling of blazing heat sneaks up behind you, causing you to turn around. Terror filled your body as the forest behind you was engulfed in flames. The harsh, pounding rain did nothing to stop the fire from devouring the forest.

To your dismay, you hear screaming coming from the flames before all black silhouettes of humans emerge from the fire. Your mouth falls open as you take a few steps away from the blaze, only for it to spread closer to you.

Taking a deep breath, you take one more step before you start running as fast as you can from the hell behind you. The mud clung to your feet, making it all the much harder to run away. You look behind you and feel your heart stop when the number of silhouettes doubled from the last time you looked at them. Their screams were ear-piercing, and yet, they sounded so familiar. All of them had the same pitch, and all of them sounded like they were in a constant state of agony.

You tried picking up the pace, but the fire only stayed right on your tail. The screaming getting closer as the rain hit your face, making it slightly hard to see in front of you. Despite your lack of voice, you begin screaming for Kidd to come and save you. To get you away from whatever hell is chasing you.

You can feel the flames lick at your feet as your tears mix with the rain. Covering your ears, you desperately tried to ignore the blood-curdling screams coming from behind you. The fact they sounded so familiar disturbed you as you tried to pinpoint the person they came from. Turning around to see how close they were, you could only ‘scream’ in horror when you saw yourself running at you. Different versions of you hunting you down. All of them have some sort of injury covering their body. The same injuries that matched your own scars.

You see yourself in a metal collar and a shackle chained to their foot. Tears streaming down their face as a look of despair plastered on her face. Another was limping but still kept up the pace of the others around them. One of them had obviously been beaten by the swollen black eye all the way to the minor cuts that littered their skin. You see one with a horrifically burned chest. It took you only a couple seconds to recognize that the burn was the exact image of your branding of Kidd’s Jolly Roger on your chest. It then finally clicked on whose screams you were hearing.

They were yours.

Turning back to face forward, you see Kidd standing at the edge of the forest line. Relief washed your body as you drew closer to him. He’d save you from the clones that chased you. He’d save you from them even though they screamed no. Why they were was a question you didn’t care to find out.

A burning grip grabs your left arm and jerks you back towards the flames. Countless more hands grabbed your body  trying to drag you away from Kidd and into the blaze. Their screams of a desperate ‘NO’ rang all around you. You were surrounded by yourself as they held onto you for dear life. Seemingly begging you not to run to Kidd, silently telling you to join them in the flames. Despite their begging, you ignored them as you escaped their grasp and finally made it to Kidd’s arms. A loud scream came from behind you and the sound of flames flickering stopped.

Turning your gaze, you no longer see your disfigured clones. The fire that once chased you gone, almost as if it never existed in the first place, the forest green and lush. Your heart felt like it was gonna beat out of your chest and your lungs burned, But now you were safe, Kidd would never let anything hurt you-

An excuricating pain comes from your stomach. It was something that you couldn’t even describe. Quicly looking down, you see a knife plunged deep into your abdomen and to your horror, Kidd’s hand connected to it.

Looking up, you freeze when you catch a glimpse of his face. The look of insanity stared right back at you.

He pulled the knife from your stomach before lifting it up above his head. His other hand harshly gripping your hair, making you unable to move. You pound your hands against his chest and kick anywhere you can, but he doesn’t move an inch. The way your blood dripped from the blade above your head had your heart stopping before your mouth drops open when you see Kidd violently bring down the knife. It’s only then do you finally hear yourself scream.

Your body jolts up as your scream starts to echo all around Kidd’s room, making the man himself wake up. 

“Jesus! What the fuck-” His words died in his throat when he saw you with tears pouring down your face. Fear swirled in your eyes when you turned to look at him.

“(Y/N)?” Your body shook feverishly as you desperately tried to calm yourself down. The room seemed to spin around you as you try to catch your breath. Only when Kidd grabbed you and pulled you closer to him, did you finally come back to reality.

“What the hell is wrong?” Kidd’s grumpy voice only contributed to your never ending tears. You wrapped your arms around him the best you could before hiding your face in his chest.

“It felt so real…I was so scared…” Kidd says nothing, only letting out a low hum. Indicating he’s listening.

“You were in my dream…” You say with a shaky voice before you hear Kidd’s laughter as he puts his chin on your head.

“Oh really? What was I doing?”

“You killed me…” Kidd froze before finally coming up with the words to say. 

“I’d never hurt you, alright? So quit your crying princess.” You let out a few sniffles before looking up at him.

“Promise?”

“Promise.” You both lay back down on the bed, holding each other tightly. A few tears still slipped from your eyes before landing on Kidd’s chest. He starts rubbing your lower back before whispering in your ear.

“I’ll never hurt you. Never have and never will.”

~~~~

Ever since the dream, you’ve been extra jumpy. One wrong sound had you heart almost jumping out of your chest. The constant migraines didn’t help either. You just wanted to sit in bed all day and sleep. Unfortunately, overwhelming questions overtook you urge to sleep.

What was the small room and who did it belong too? Who was ‘Rayleigh’ and why was his viver card stuck in between the floorboards? Who’s blood was on the wall? What did Heat make you eat and what was he talking about that day when you both watched the sun set? Lastly, what was the meaning of your nightmare? It must have meant something!

Your head pounded and to your displeasure, you ran out of water and the cool towel you placed on your head earlier had now turned room temperature. With a groan, you slowly get out of bed and wrap a blanket around you. Maybe grabbing some meds will help. It’s been a slow day so hopefully the kitchen won’t be too loud.

While making your way to the kitchen, you hear Killer’s voice whispering to someone else. You carefully get closer to hear what they're saying, you're nosiness getting the best of you.

“Aren’t you worried? At least a little bit?”

“Why should I? The accident was 5 months ago and ever since then, everythings going my way. She remembers me and only me. Not the pathetic straw hats and anything I’ve done before she hit her head again!”

“I don’t know Kidd. You should at least have a plan in case anything were to happen.”

“What the hell are you going on about? What could possibly happen?” You could feel your heart pounding in your chest as you bit your lip.

“I found the room’s door busted open a week ago. The dust had been disturbed and it was obvious someone has been in there-”

“What?! Why didn’t you tell me sooner?!” 

“I tried but you weren’t paying attention! So don’t yell at me for your lack of listening skills.”  A tingling feeling moved through your fingers before spreading to your whole body as you try to make sense of what the conversation between Kidd and Killer could be about? But one thing you did know now was that whatever room you stumbled into, you were never suppose to see.

“Board up the door. Hell place small traps, just make sure she can’t get in.” Another uneasy feeling filled your heart as you eavesdrop on a conversation that had given you more questions. What could have been so important behind that door that Kidd’s making Killer board it up? 

A pounding in your head started up again which helped you remember what you really left the room for. After taking a quick breath, you start to walk down the hallway where they ‘hid’. Just to see if they’d continue the conversation if you walked by.

“Oh, (Y/N)! What are you doing up? I thought you had a migraine?” Killers panicked voice rang in your ears, giving you the confirmation that you weren’t suppose to know about their conversation.

“Was going to the kitchen to get some meds. Did I interrupt something?”

“Nope. Not at all.”

~~~~

Almost everyone was asleep by the time you went out on the deck to watch the stars. Kidd was in his workshop no doubt while Wire and Killer were tonights lookout. It allowed you to have a nice quiet evening to count the stars and ponder on your thoughts. 

With a warm cup of tea in your hands and a fuzzy blanket wrapped around you, it was hard not to give in to the temptation to fall asleep. The waves hitting against the ship was a smooth melody that had your eyelids grow heavy.

“Mind if I join you?” Turning your head, you see Heat sitting down a few feet away from you. 

“You owe me an explanation on that wretcehd fruit you made me eat.” A quick laugh came from the man next to you. 

“I thought you might have known by now but I guess I was wrong. But what I had you eat was a devil fruit.” His words had you spitting out the tea you were drinking before you looked at him in shock.

“A devil fruit?! Why on earth would you feed me a devil fruit?!” You whisper yell at him while looking around to make sure no one was eavesdropping.

“You won’t understand it all right now but trust me it’s going to be a big help-”

“No more cryptic messages! I want to know what’s going on!”

“It’s hard to explain alright!” Whatever Heat was withholding from you had to be something serious cause the way he was acting was starting to piss you off.

“Just tell me, what’s the last vivid thing you remember?” His question caught you off guard. Last vivid thing you remember? What could he mean by that?

“Go back from times from when you met Kidd.” Furrowing your brows, you turn to stare down at your knees.

Kidd told you that he met you after saving you from the other pirate group that burned your entire town to the ground. Saying nothing was left except ashes and smoke. With that being said, you try to remember it, but all you could see was fog. The same thing happening with other memories or things Kidd told you happened. All your memories were so foggy that it soon felt like you were missing a whole chunk of your life that you didn’t remember.

“Nothing. I…don’t remember anything at all. All there is, is fog.” Heat whispers a curse and you can feel another tingling sensation crawling across your skin.

“You need to trust me, okay (Y/N)?”

“Trust you? What are you going on about?”

“Everything Kidd’s told you? It’s a lie.” Hearing Heat’s words, your eyes widen.

“What are you talking about? I don’t understand?” The tingling sensation grew stronger as you try to understand Heat’s words.

“Kidd is not the ‘savior’ you think he is. He’s lying to you (Y/N).” The world seemed to start spinning around you. You knew that there were things that Kidd could’ve been hiding from you after overhearing his conversation with Killer. But is Heat was acting like this, then there had to be something more that you didn’t know. Yet the question still stands.

Why would Kidd lie to you? What was there to lie about?

“Don’t trust what Kidd says. No matter how convincing he may sound. I can’t explain everything right now but you have to believe me.” Heat grabs you by the shoulders and looks at you, the look of desperation filled his eyes. You can feel your heart beat quicken as you try to make sense of the whole situation. How deep could such a rabbit hole be if Killer, Kidd, and Heat knew something that you didn’t? You go to say something but no words leave your mouth. Every one of your senses was overloaded to the point where your body started to get fidgety and your breathing starts getting faster. 

Just then, you see a bright light before a loud ZAP could be heard. You see Heat recoil back shaking his hands as if to cool them down. Worry filled you as you go to see if he’s okay, but your eye catches something slithering along your hand.

With wide eyes, you watch as what you could only describe as lightning snake across your arms and hands. A low buzzing could be heard as you comeptley forgot about Heat in shock of watching what was happening to yourself. 

“Fuck that hurt.” Heat’s words went through one ear and out the other as small bursts of electricity started to accumulate in your palms. You quickly make a fist to try and stop whatever was happening, only for it to continue the moment you opened your hand again.

Your hands start to shake as you slowly move your hands together and watch as the small flickers of electricity grow louder and bigger. Heat’s words from moments ago lost on you as you couldn’t help but be memorized by what you were creating with your own two hands. 

The sound of it flickering reminded you of flames while you looked at it. The fact you were creating something so unnatural, something so extrordinary, had you speechless. It felt like a dream watching the ball of pure eletricity crackle in your palms

It’s only when it started to get bigger that it started to burn and shock your palms to a painful amount. You started freaking out as you turn to Heat for any advice.

“What do i do?!” 

“Throw it out to sea like a ball or something!” Without a second thought, you did just that and to both of your relief’s, the ball of pure electricity left your hands and flew straight out to sea. Small lights flashing around it as it grew smaller and smaller the farther it got.

The low buzzing quickly stopped and the small ropes of electricity fizzled out. Your heart beat still ran wild as you slowly turn your head to Heat, who looked just as shocked as you. No words could’ve been said as you both look at each other, astonished at what had just happened mere seconds ago.

To your dismay, the familiar sound of Kidd’s footsteps approached where you and Heat sat. You both try to quickly shake off the shock that covered your faces and try to act like you didn’t almost electrify Heat moments ago.

“There you are. Why are you on the deck? It’s late.” With a quiet gulp, you respond.

“I had another nightmare so I came to get some fresh air and Heat was already here.” A low hum comes from Kidd as you see him give Heat a questioning glance before moving towards you.

“Well your gonna get sick if you stay out here. Let’s go.” Grabbing your blanket wrapped body, Kidd threw you over his shoulder.

“I can walk you know?” You laugh before turning your attention back to Heat. He puts a finger to his lips before you lose sight of him as Kidd walks away.

~~~~

The sounds of peoples screams had your eyes shooting open in fear. What could be causing such a horrific noise? Rubbing your eyes, you let your vision adjust before you finally got a look at the hell that surrounded you.

Flames higher then the sky flickered and roared as it engulfed the buildings around you. The heat it produced almost as suffocating as the smoke that came from it. 

You look around, hoping to find the cause of the screams, yet no one was there. All that was there, was you. You and the fire that circled you. It closed in closer and closer as you breathed in the smoke. It burned your lungs as the heat soon started to affect how open your eyes could be. You couldn’t even hear your own breathing due to how loud the flames yelled around you.

Suddenly, the sound of footsteps came from behind you, causing you to walk away. Whatever could survive in such heat was not something human. Through the flames, you can see a silloutte of a man. Taller then any man then you’ve ever seen. Due to the flames, it even looked like the man had horns and a tail. He looked like the devil himself engulfed in the blaze. Yet when the man finally stepped out of the flames, it caused you to step back and lose your footing, falling to the ground with a thud.

It looked like Kidd. But it couldn’t be Kidd. The man in front of you didn’t have a single scar to be seen. Both arms in a competely different coat. Yet when you looked into the man’s eyes, there was no doubt that the man in front of you was the man you called your lover. 

Your eyes scanned him and you can feel your blood freeze when you see his hands covered in blood. Fresh enough to where the blood drips down his fists. His boots covered in the red liquid as well. 

“Must be my lucky day. I get to burn down an entire village and keep a little trophy.” The laughter that left his throat had your body shaking. A sense of dread filled your soul as you unknowingly get on your feet.

The man in front of you started running at you with speed you could never compare to, yet you still ran.

Running through the flames, you can feel them eat away at your flesh as you try your best to run away from teh laughing man behind you. Smoke invaded you lungs as breathign soon became harder and harder. Your eyes scanned your surroundings and its then when you realize where you are. 

Home.

The building collapsing in on themselves causing ashes to float into the air. All the buildings that stood with you through your childhood burning to the ground. Not a single one was spared from the blaze. Everything from the homes of the citizens to the hospital was burning to the ground without a care in the world.

The sight was too much to bear and hearing Kidd’s words earlier had your mind racing. A trophy? Burning down an entire village? 

Your village.

No it couldn’t be right. Kidd saved you. He saved you from the monsters that took everything away from you. He couldn’t be the one to cause all the destruction that left you the only surivor of a village that had once been bustling with people.

“Your too slow princess.” A large hand digs its fingers into your hair and grips harshly. Your jerked back as you can feel your scalp burn as the man behind you pulled you to the ground. A sickening crunch echoed in your skull.

With your eyes wide open in seconds, you sit up and look around. Your breathing heavy as you see that your in Kidd’s bedroom. It’s almost pitch black but you can see teh sunrise peaking out in the horizon, casting a small light into the room. 

Looking to yoru side, you see Kidd laying away from you. His breathing calm and a small snore left him. His body covered in the scars that you love and knew. Yet at the moment, you couldn’t bear to look at him. 

With your heart still beating against your ribs, you carefully lay back down against the soft sheets of the bed. But instead of curling up next to your lover, you moved to the very edge of the bed. Anything just to get away from him.

~~~~

A week has passed since Heat confronted you about Kidd. Not a second goes by were you didn’t think about it. Was there something Kidd was lying to you about? If so, what could it be? And why? Could it possibly have to do with the small room? What about the secret conversation between Kidd and Killer? Who were they talking about? What was the ‘incident’ Kidd was babbling about? All these questions burned into your brain and bothered you every second of the day.

And it’s starting to show.

According to some crew mates, you’ve been more quiet and reserved then normal. Killer has noticed it too but Kidd hasn’t said a word. Was he holding back? Has he not noticed? He’s been busy in his workshop so maybe that’s why? You were hanging out with him in the workshop as well but he’s got all his attention on his trinkets at that point. Either or, the knowledge that something was going on and you have yet to figure it out what it is has affected you to the point you started to lose sleep over it.

It was about 1am when you looked at the clock. You had tried to go to bed at 10 but all you could do was toss and turn. Your eyes had slowly adjusted to the darkness and all you could do was stare at the ceiling. Counting sheep didn’t work and Kidd wasn’t in bed to give you some sense of warmth and safety. He was on watch tonight and the loneliness didn’t help your insomnia.

Even though you were perfectly warm in bed, Kidd’s presence might be able to help your uneasy mind. So grabbing your comforter, you get out of bed and start journey to find Kidd.

Walking down the corridors of the Victoria Punk at night never bothered you before. It was home so there was no reason to be scared, but now it feels as if a million eyes were watching you. Staring you down without a word. The feeling was suffocating as you try your best to quickly run out to the deck of the ship.

Once you were out on the deck, you looked around to try and find Kidd. There was a new moon tonight so the sea’s were even darker than normal. The floorboards creaked with each step you took as you continued your journey to find Kidd.

“Kidd? Where are you?” Your voice were quiet as you looked for any signs of life. It’s only when you saw light in the corner of your eye that you finally let out a breath. A small smile played on your lips as you decide to give him a little scare.

You tip toe to the light source and you see Kidd’s shoes popping out from the corner. Just as you were about to attack, you were flung forward, causing you to fall on Kidd’s lap.

“Next time you try to scare me princess, don’t wear metal bracelets that clink around.” Kidd gives you a smug grin before pulling you up, having you sitting on his lap. Your head laying on the soft fur of his red coat.

“Kidd, can I ask you something?”

“What?”

“Have I been more closed off then usual? Maybe it’s just the migraines and my lack of sleep, but I feel…I don’t know how to describe what I feel.” You throw the comforter covering you to cover the small part of exposed skin Kidd had on his chest. Moving your head to look up, you see Kidd staring back down at you. His amber eyes scanning your face.

“I haven’t noticed. Probably cause you’ve been following me around like a lost puppy. You’ve just been hanging out with me more as you should.” He wasn’t wrong. You’ve tried to stick closer to him, hoping that his presence will push away the questions that have raided your mind. It’s worked but the times where it hasn’t out weights the time it has. In fact sometimes it even worsens it. The thought of him doing anythign behind your back that could possibly involve you had you tearing up. And now with Heat’s words plaguing your mind it plays in your head like a broken record.

“You’d never lie to me right?” Your voice laced with insecurity as you grabbed his metal hand and held it.

“This about another nightmare? Told ya princess, their not real. What would I possibly have to lie to you about?” Kidd lets his flesh arm wrap around your body and lets you continue to hold his metal hand. A slight red hue on his cheeks.

“I guess. I’m sorry for bothering you so much.” You turn your head to kiss his neck lightly before snuggling on his chest.

“Good. Now go to sleep. I ain’t going anywhere.” Without another word, your eyes flutter shut, letting the darkness embrace you.

Your awaken by loud explosions and the ground shaking harshly, yet when your eyes open, you find yourself laying on lush green grass. Rubbing your eyes, you notice that your surrounded by the biggest tree’s  you’ve ever seen in your entire life. Bubbles floating all around you, giving you a small feel of childhood nostalgia.

Reaching out, you go to touch a bubble in front of you only for a gunshot to echo around you and simultanisouly pop all together. Jumping to your feet, you look around trying to pinpoint teh cause of the gunshot. The sound of the soapy substance under your feet had you worrying that someone might hear you.

Another gunshot rings out and in your panic, you bring to run away from the direction of where the sound came from. As soon as you were 20ft from where you woke up, the sounds of gunshots multiplied. Not it sounded like there were hundreds of shots being fired instead of just one. Fear coursed though your veins as your heart worked harder to pump blood into your system.  Quickly glancing back, you see hundreds of shadows holding guns and shooting them in your direction.

It’s then when you go to look up to the sky, you notice to your horror that the sky was black. A never ending black abyss that not even the blackest of nights could compare. You were speechless as you continue running from the shadows that followed your every move. It was a miracle you haven’t been shot yet.

You can hear bullets passing by your head as they broke through the wind. Panic started overtaking your sense of reasonas you look every which way to try and find a spot to hide. You don’t know how much longer you have left to run on your feet.

The familiar sound of buzzing hit your ears, making you look down. You see ropes of electricity moving across your body, causing your heart to quicken. What could you possibly do now? You have two problems to take care of now! Running from teh gunshots that threatened to take you down and now trying to control your new found devil fruit power before it gets out of control and ends up hurting you.

Before you could take another step, the sound of gunfire ceased. NO more bullets whizzing past your head and no more jumping to avoid getting shot in the leg. Whipping your head around to see why it stopped, you can feel your blood freeze at what you saw. 

A huge scarred red snake looking right back at you. It’s amber eyes staring right through you. Your words caught in your throat as the snake lifted itself up, making it taller than you by 10x. It’s body longer than any sea king you’ve seen. The sound of it hissing brought you back to your senses. With a quick turn around, you start running away from the giant predator. The ground started to shake as you could hear is slithering right behind you. To your horror, you didn’t even make it 10ft before the giant snake wrapped it’s body around your own.

Even with your body emmiting the cursed electricity, the snake was unbothered. You struggled to free yourself, but were no match against it’s strength. The snakes hissing simply got louder as it got closer to your trapped form. It’s eyes locked with yours and only then did it hit you who’s eyes they belonged to. 

“K-Kidd? What the h-hell?” You can feel the snake tighten it’s grip against your body as it opened it’s mouth. Two gianormous fangs protruded from it’s gums. The snake moved it’s head back a little more before striking towards you.

Only then, did you scream at the top of your lungs.

Your eyes shoot open as you quickly looked around. To you relief, you see the Victoria pushing through the waves. Looking up, you see Kidd sleeping, his arms still tight around you. Your breathing calms as you lay back down on his fur coat, your eyes never leaving his face.

“What are you hiding?”

~~~~

After teh most recent dream, you started to distance yourself from everyone, includding Kidd. You needed time to think, and time to control the power that digusting fruit gave you. 

So far, everytime it’s shown itself, it’s been when you were overwhelemed with emotions. It brought you to the conclusion that you might have to think og things that upset you for it to show itself. Which brought you down to the hallway with the small room was in. Even though the small room freaked you out to no end, it was far from everyone and at the very bottom of the ship. No one would be there so it’d be easy for you to truly practice wihout being interrupted!

As soon as you reached the small room,  you curse yourself for being so forgetful. Wooden planks nailed in front of the door along with a sign saying ‘OFF LIMITS’. This must have been Killers doing after Kidd told him to board up the door. You furrow your brows as you look at teh door. THere was no way you’d get in normally, no with how thick those boards were. 

Scanning the door a little bit more, your eyes catch a tiny spot at the very bottom of the door that Killer didn’t board up. If the door wasn’t there you’d be able to crawl under teh planks.  Your brain went through idea after idea before one finally had your interest piqued.

Looking at both ends of the hallway to see if it’s clear, you sit down and move your body closer to the door. Putting your hands on teh ground for support, you move your leg back before kicking it forward with all your might. THe sound of the wood splittering had you smiling, knowing that your plan to kick a hole in the door was going to work. All you had to do, was give it a few more powerful kicks, then you’d be in the room in no time!

BAM!

BAM!

BAM!

CRACK!

Finally, your foot kicks through the door. A quiet yes leaves your lips as you look around the hallway once more to check if anyone heard it. Seeing you were alone once more, you scoot closer to teh door to kick in more of the wood, just to make sure it was big enough to crawl through.

BAM!

BAM!

BAM!

Splinters of wood scatter around the newfound hole in teh door. But you didn’t care, now you could crawl through and do what you originally planned to do.

Crawling through the hole, your met with darkness once again. You move around and try to feel for the lantern light that you had left last time you were there. WHen you finally manage to find it and turn it on, you stand up and take a deep breath. Looking around the room, you ignore the tally marks and blood, and get ready for your new ‘training’.

~~~~

“God this is much harder then I thought it’d be.” You didn’t know how long you’ve been in the small room, but it was certainly long enough to feel your body on the verge of collapsing. With a few last stretches, you get ready to crawl back under the door. As soon as you start moving towards the hole, horror washes over you when you hear footsteps echo in the halls. Heavy footsteps make their way closer and closer to the busted door.

You quickly move your body through the small opening, trying to get out as fast as you can. As you almost make it halfway through, a piece of sharp wood scratched your back and ripped your shirt, taking a small piece with it. Biting your lip, you try to hold in a yelp of pain. Once you finally make it through teh door, you knew you didn’t have much time left to hide. You desperatly look around the hall before a small pile of crates catch your eye. Quickly you manouver yourself to hide behind the crates as quietly as you could.

Once you were out of sight, you manage to have a small sliver of light that allowed you to peak outside your hiding spot and look directly at the door. The footsteps go louder and so did your heartbeat. 

“Fucking shit.” Your eyes widen at the familiar voice of your lover. Looking between the crates, you see him kneeling down, inspecting the broken door. You can feel your blood freeze when you see Kidd holding the ripped piece of your shirt in between his fingers.

“Heat, you are so fucking dead. This is the last time you play hero.” Kidd returns to standing and starts storming back the way he came. A deep dread fills you after hearing Kidd words. You needed to warn Heat! You wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if you had gotten Heat killed due to your recklessness.

You needed to warn Heat and you needed to warn him now.

~~~~

Once the dark of night had covered the Victoria punk, everyone had made their way to bed. Ever since you made your way back to the deck after teh events of earlier today, you made sure to always be by Kidd or always have Heat in your eyesight. There hasn’t been an oppurunity to warn him yet. What if you couldn’t warn him fast enough?

But thankfully tonight, the crew decided it was Heat’s turn to keep watch for the night. Hearing that, it was the perfect oppurtunity to warn him! All you needed was to keep Kidd distracted for a second. But first, you needed to brush your teeth since whatever the hell Killer had cooked left an unpleasant aftertaste. Kidd was following you to the bathroom probably to do his skincare routine and drag you into it like always. You didn’t mind usually, but tonight was different.

“Make anything in the workshop today love?”

“Working on my arm.” Turning your head, you see Kidd leaning against the wall behind you.

“Adding anything cool? Or just repairs?” You question as you brush your teeth. 

“Repairs.” His plain answers had an unease bubbling in your stomach.

“Kidd! Where are you?” Killer’s voice broke through the small tension in the room. 

“Oi! Give me a second!” You see Kidd go to leave teh bathroom making you quickly grab his metal arm.

“Don’t go! Stay with me!” Kidd looks at you and you give him a pout.

“It’ll be a second alright? What’s got you so clingy princess?” You wrap your arms around his torso the best you could before looking up at him.

“Am I not allowed to want to spend time wiht my lover?” Leaning up, you manage to press a kiss to Kidd’s lips as you stand on your tip toes. You can see Kidd’s face turn red before he grumbled and tried looking away from you.

“Your clingy.”

“Clingy cause I love you.” You send him a smile which caused the red hair man to sigh before leaning down to kiss your forehead.

“Love you too. Now, give me a second to see what’s got Killer bitching and moaning.” His first words were mumbled against your lips before he pulled away and walked out the bedroom door. You could thankfully hear them talking so it calmed you down knowing he wasn’t far and anywhere near Heat. Heat would be okay for a little longer.

~~~~

Kidd had been talking for awhile. What on earth could be taking him so long? 

After finishing your own skincare routine, you leave the bathroom and make your way out of the bedroom door. To your surprise you see nothing. But you could still hear Kidd and Killer’s voices. Quietly, you tip toe towards their voices, yet the closer you got, the more you notice the voices didn’t sound quite…human.

When you finally turn the corner, you feel your heart drop to your stomach. Instead of what should have been Kidd and Killer, was pre-recorded responder snails ‘talking’ to one another.

Horror filled yoru body when you realizing what’s happening. Turning around, you start running as fast as you could to make yoru way to the deck. Praying that Kidd hasn’t done anything to Heat. You cursed yourself for being so dumb and taking so long to realize. The sound of your footsteps echo the halls and ring in your own ears.

After finally making it to the deck, your eyes quickly scan around to see any sort of movement or light. Suddenly, a loud thud comes from your right and you see a bright light. Not wasting anymore time, you make a mad dash towards light and sound.

The closer you got, you could finally hear Kidd’s voice break through teh silence.

“You think your fucking slick?! Did you think I wouldn’t notice?!”

“Kidd, what are you talking about?” Another thud rings across the deck as Heat lets out a rough cough.

“I’ll be damned if you ruin this for me, Heat.” When you finally make it close enough, you see what was happening.

Heat sitting against the railing breathing heavily, red slowly seeping into his clothes. You turn yoru eyes to Kidd as you let out a gasp of horror when you see a bloody knife clutched tightly in his hand.

Heat coughed once more and you can see droplets of blood leave his mouth. You see Kidd getting closer to heat and that’s when you start running cause you knew right then that if you didn’t do something right now, Kidd was going to kill him.

Your footsteps had Heat slowly looking up before his eyes widen. Shock evident in his face as he sees you running in his direction.

“I’ll just tell the others you fell overboard. That’s all I need to tell (Y/N) and she would never ask another question.” Kidd moves closer to Heat still clutching the knife.

“Should have stayed out of things that don’t concern you. Now, you get to see what happens when someone tries to take something that belongs to me-”

“No!” Before Kidd could strike, you move in front of Heat and move your arms so theyre spread out to protect Heat from both sides. A silence fell over the three of you as Heat’s ragged breath was the only thing you could hear.

“(Y/N). Step aside. Don’t you know what he’s done? He’s a spy for the marines! He’s a traitor!” Despite Kidd’s words, you didn’t move a muscle. The tingling sensation grew stronger has you fear Kidd’s next move.

“Move (Y/N). I’m trying to protect you. Come here, it’s not safe to be next to him-” Kidd moves his flesh arm to grab you and before you could properly think, the familiar buzzing before a loud ZAP echoed across teh Victoria Punk.

“Son of a bitch!” Reeling back, you lover moves his hand up and down against his red cloak, trying to get rid of the shock.

“(Y/N)...” Turning around, you quickly move to Heat’s aid. You look around to see for any more wounds but only see teh stab wound that was stationed dangerously close to his heart.

“Hang on! You’ll be okay! Just give me a second!”

“Where did you get devil fruit powers.” Kidd’s voice broke through your panic and you turn to see his face. His face looked just as sinsiter as his voice. The look was worse than teh day he refused to let you off the boat.

“I-I..”

“You gave her devil fruit powers?! I’m going to kill you, you bastard!” Your hear almost stops as you watch Kidd stomp towards the two of you. It truly felt like another nighmare the way Kidd’s face looked. Standing up once again, you place yourself in front of Heat as you move your arms away from your side. Buzzing hit your ears and you can see electricity slither around your body, helping you by giving off a threatening aura.

“Don’t hurt him Kidd!” Kid moves his hand towards you and just as you think he’d gonna grab your am, his hand grip your hair and throws you behind him. Your body landing against the wooden deck with a loud ‘thunk’.

The air was knocked out of your lungs and your head pounded. You cough and struggle to regain the air before turning your eyes to Heat and Kidd. With eyes widening in horror as before you could do anything else, you see Kidd grab Heat by his shirt and lift him to his feet.

“Have fun at the bottom of the sea Heat! Say hi to the sea kings for me will ya?” With the rest of yoru strength, you pull yourself to your feet. You only took one step before you feel time stop.

Giving Heat a harsh shove, you watch Kidd throw him back, causing Heat to tumble over the railing. A scream leaves your voice as tears rim your eyes. Your legs move on their own as you go to the railing, hoping to see Heat hanging on, but the sound of a splash crushes your hope almost instantly.

Kidd turns around and looks at your shaking form. A look of insanity plastered on his face. You didn’t even have the time to register how close Kidd was before you feel Kidd dig his fingers in you hair, dragging you away from teh crime scene. 

“You couldn’t just mind your own buisness and wait could you? But that’s fine. I can teach you once more. I’ll do it as long as it takes, no matter how much blood that needs to be spilled.” Tears start pouring down your cheeks. The monster dragging you was not the Kidd you knew. Well, the Kidd you thought you knew.

Unfortunately, you were too late to see the truth, and Heat paid the price for your ignorance.

[laneysmusings]

At Ease

₊˚.༄ Pairing: Mike Logan x GN reader

₊˚.༄ Synopsis: you get a phone call and suddenly, everything around you is spinning and before you know it, you're calling the only person who knows how to help — or, essentially, the one where Mike comforts you through a panic attack.

₊˚.༄ Warnings: explicit mentioning of a panic attack, medication (assumed sedative or anti-anxiety medication, explained no further beyond a little white pill), talking down and breathing exercises, words and language describing the feeling of a panic attack and the sense of doom (written partially by my own experiences having them, but if there are any flagrant inaccuracies let me know so I can better depict this in the future) use of pet names/terms of endearment such as sweetheart, mentions of food

Everything’s in a haze after that call and suddenly you can’t really breathe. 

The way your chest feels like it is both being cleaved apart and wedged in a trash compactor makes you reach for that unlabeled orange pill bottle in your bag in desperation, catching the way your hands tremble at unlatching and unzipping and rifling through the junk at the bottom of the bag you didn’t get a chance to clean out to find it and quickly pop the top. Three perfect white little pills are tipped from the bottle onto the lid and then dropped onto your awaiting tongue. They turn to a sticky-tacky feel the second they meet your spit from your slick mouth, clung to your tongue. 

The tip of your tongue presses to your teeth before flicking back those little tacky white pills into your throat and swallowing, followed by deep gulps of water that are more than you need but it's better to feel your throat seize around the water than around nothing. 

Your hands are moving on their own accord, forgetting to lock the doors to your office, pacing and trying to think of what to do as you just sit in the panic as you wait for your medication to kick in and bring ease blanketing over you — you’re calling him before you can stop yourself or even realize that you’re methodically dialing his number, muscle memory and a greater sense of preservation taking over as you continue to shake, nearly misdialing before you put the call through. 

It's not like what they say when the doctors or your friends ask if you feel that you’ll die or that the world is going to end. You feel like everything is disintegrating, like you’re drowning inside yourself while you remain a vessel, a husk. It's all hot but it's all freezing your skin is too warm and you can feel the sweat under your sweater that’s clinging to your skin and you want to peel it off but the second you do you’d freeze and shake even harder and everything hurts but its not pain pain its this weird sense and — 

“Yeah sweetheart?” 

Fuck. 

Fuck, fuck fuck fucking fuck. 

Barely getting your voice to work, you manage a stuttery hey halfway through him asking what was up and he knows, of course he knows.

He’s seen this go down before and watched as you dissolved before him once about who knows what, and you can hear Mike’s tone change and that he’s going to call you back in just a second, “just one, gotta’ get to a place I can hear you. Hold on, I’ll be right back I’m not goin’ anywhere,” and hangs up. 

You wait, just hovering by the phone and feeling the sense of panic begin to just gnaw at your innards like some weird internal manifestation of a dread-vulture, picking you apart, a weird spin on guilt and the tale of Prometheus but instead of your liver the cursed bird just rips and tears at your stomach and all the soul in you. 

Mike calls back, and you jolt at the shrill noise, forgetting how quiet it was in your office barring your faltering, panting in and out breath before you pick up and he’s softly asking you where you are and if he needs to come get you. You’re shaking your head even though he can’t see it but you know he can just sense it, see it even though it's over the phone and Mike’s miles away and god it hurts. “Got it, ‘kay? I’ll stay on as long as y’need.”  

“It’s okay, you’re going to be okay,” he’s immediately carrying on and the tears are welling at your eyes because no it does not feel like anything’s okay, that nothing ever will be okay but you sniff and hum out a note in response so Mike knows you hear him, “you safe and sound right now?” 

“Y-yeah, in my of-office.”

It’s like forcibly pulling teeth to get you to talk right now and not like you don’t want to, it's just like wrenching into yourself to find the ability to even speak, and sure his voice is helping it always does knowing that he’s here for you, that he’s not judging and is just concerned and cares and you get to tell that little voice in your head that sounds louder than normal that no, he does care about you and does not think of a burden. he loves you and that’s real, this isn’t real — but he is. 

“Did’ya take your meds? Water and snack?” 

“Took meds ‘n water, no snack,” you murmur into the phone receiver, the cord wound around your finger until it's tight enough to indent your skin, now feeling the pulse in your digit. It's nearly childish the way Mike phrases it but it's true — your attacks roll through you so much worse when you don’t take care of yourself and run on low energy. 

You know he’s going to ask if you can get one and tell him before he even questions that you’ll grab a spare granola bar from your desk in a second but after sitting by the phone you don’t feel like you can even move let alone get up. 

“Stay put then for a bit,” Mike pauses and you can just picture his furrowed brows and him sitting somewhere quiet or standing out in the hall, away from the casual chaos of the precinct’s bullpen, but you still hear muffled noise. “Want to do that breathin’ thing or the senses exercize you do wit’me when I call you after a nightmare or a panic attack?” 

It's quiet for a beat before you get the words out, your voice soft in a way that hurts his heart through the phone. “Yes please.” 

You hear him inhale into the receiver before shuffling. “Breathin’ first, ‘kay sweetheart?” 

You’ve noted that Mike’s heavy-handed with the terms of endearment and it makes your heart cease from its panicked seizes to flutter every once in a while, bringing a watery smile to your face, eyes still stinging from the tears. “Inhale for me, four seconds, I’ll count you down.” 

He pauses and waits for a moment, and you tilt your head back and feel your throat bob tight. “Four.” 

Inhaling slowly, your breath stutters as you begin to breathe in gradually. 

“Three.” 

The milliseconds pan out and you make it to two and shakily inhale to him saying one. 

“Hold it, counting down.” 

“Four.” 

Your nostrils flare as your lungs start to fight. Mike can hear you through the phone and he’s weaving through people while glancing down at his watch and marking the seconds. 

“Three, y’got this baby.” 

Tuning out, you don’t hear the signal for two or one second left and already start exhaling when he tells you “Exhale.” 

Your head feels more solid compared to the hollow bees-nest feel of earlier and your lungs no longer shake so viscerally, you follow along with the countdown and follow when Mike asks you to repeat and repeat and repeat until he asks “How’re you feeling?” 

“Better,” you blink, still not really present and now regretting not asking him to come and get you but you’re not going to say it, you’d feel worse if you had to ask after assuring him that it was not needed, “not good, but a bit better.” 

“That’s a start, alright, what can you feel? Five things if you can manage.” 

It takes you a second, thumb swiping the plastic of the phone receiver in your hand and you tell him that, following with the desk beneath you that you’re sitting on. The soft itch of your sweater is said next, then you falter when your hand brushes against your skin and you tell him you feel the ring on your finger, the both of you noting the slight lift in your voice when you say it, and you end with the feel of your skin under your hands. 

“Good, taste anything?” 

“The mints I had earlier, my meds slightly. Salt?” 

He laughs a little at the way you question the taste of salt, knowing it's from the frenzied panic tears but the way your voice lifts amuses him. “‘Kay, smell?” 

You sniff, nose upturning. “Must.” 

“C’mon now.” 

“Must and dust,” you mouth back before sighing, “my perfume a lil’bit and my hand lotion.” You’re moving finally into the chair behind your desk and ease into it, scooting close to the desk and toy with the cord on the phone again, curled around your finger just like he is.

“Alright, let me know what you see.” 

You oblige, not noting the sounds in the background on his call and how it muffles at some point but you look around your office, “I see the books on the shelves, the flowers I was given last week,” you list off, tilting in your chair to look away and you hear steps nearing your office. That seize in your chest constricts and you’re now on alert and it feels like you’re about to regress back and before you can tell him that you need to hang up, the door opens. 

Sighing and then grinning, you tell him one last thing before the two of you hang up. 

“And I see you too.”

[head-empty-just-sigma]

*aHEM* okay. let's try this again

so i did a theory thing i guess like months ago where i tried to figure out why Fukuchi said that Fukuzawa's answer was wrong about his motives, and it SUCKED tbh. which is why it is now in the trash next to my sanity

and recently i did that again, but this time i went back and read 30+ chapters (starting from chapter 71 and backtracking a few times) and collected Too Many screenshots of panels to use while i write a new theory because i was unhappy with my first one but i promise i'm not going to make you look at all of them because that would be cruel and make this post infinitely longer

i'll include a tldr at the bottom for this since it really boils down to one point, and to get to that one point i want to cover quite a bit of context so i understand if you just want to read the Main Point lol

so let's try this Fukuchi's goal theory again but better this time

*distant sleep-deprived sobbing*

🔺spoiler warning for chapters 70-104.5🔻

Starting with what we know...

So this is the first thing we learn before we even know Kamui is Fukuchi, coming from Mushitaro in chapter 70. What I want to focus on is Ango's response to the information, because YEAH that's exactly what I said too the first time I read it!! Why does he say "eliminate" and not "overthrow"?? Don't people usually overthrow a government? Well, this makes more sense to us later once we learn Fukuchi doesn't actually plan on overthrowing anything. What he really wants is to eliminate the concept of different "governments" and different "nations" altogether. This is what we learn in his speech about heading what he calls 'the Humankind Army', in chapter 82. He's not trying to become the leader of the entire world, so to speak, he just wants the entire world to be united with a single army so that there are no borders and no armies beyond the One Single Army.

Okay, but why?

Fukuchi, now that he's be revealed in chapter 85, just straight up admits he plans on "eliminating" every single nation. He doesn't want to leave a single one out of his Humankind Army, because that would leave room for error. Every nation must be brought into the fold or eliminated altogether in order to prevent wars from ever breaking out again, according to him. I'm not going to explain how ludicrous this plan is because I don't need to, he's a villain doing villain things and he genuinely believes that he will get away with this because he has Bram and One Order. Not to mention, he is amplifying Bram's power to some degree, as this is something he reveals to Tachihara when the latter claims that taking over half the world's armies is an impossible feat in chapter 90. It’s possible he could do the same with One Order, since it is an ‘ability weapon’, but it’s impossible to know for sure until we see him use it.

I think the second image pretty much explains why he wants to eliminate the nations. He was a weapon of war, essentially, commanded by the nation he served to slaughter his adversaries while he watched his comrades die around him. He's clearly traumatized/haunted by the deaths of his comrades, as we're shown a couple of times that he has PTSD-like flashbacks or hallucinations to when he was on the battlefield. In one of these flashbacks/memories, we see him being told by a dying soldier to seek revenge.

calm down walmart batman

Now, here's where things get interesting, because in chapter 104.5, we learn that revenge is not his goal.

Fukuzawa guesses it is, saying it's revenge on the government that sent him and his comrades to war over and over again using a healing ability, and also punishment for Fukuzawa himself for ‘betraying’ Fukuchi and not going to war with him. However, Fukuchi immediately corrects Fukuzawa by straight up stabbing him in the gut... So his goal obviously isn't actually getting revenge on the government or Fukuzawa, or the ADA as a whole even.

I don't think he wants revenge, either. He's not necessarily vengeful, despite what those flashbacks might say. No... It's worse.

Fukuchi wants justice.

There's a few things that led me to forming this theory, so bear with me here...

I think these pages specifically are interesting because, while it doesn’t say much about his motives, we clearly see he has complicated views towards Fukuzawa. He offers Fukuzawa (him, specifically, not the ADA) protection from the government and the Hunting Dogs, and even acknowledges that he considers Fukuzawa a close friend in front of Atsushi. However, he is also upset or maybe even spiteful that Fukuzawa didn’t go to the battlefield with him like he wanted, and therefore didn’t have to experience all the horrors that Fukuchi did during the war. To some degree, he wants to make Fukuzawa suffer as he has (hence why he captured the ADA members and is displaying them for Fukuzawa to see).

Fukuchi also talks about angels a lot. Which does make sense considering he heads the Decay of the Angel, where ‘angels’ are more accurately Devas from Buddhist scriptures, which are mortal angels. The 5 stages of decay are what we witnessed at the beginning of this whole thing, when the DOA went through the first 4 stages with high-ranking politicians, and then Nikolai framed the Agency for the final stage with even more politicians as victims. The line about reincarnating is interesting to me, because it could be alluding to Fukuchi eliminating every nation and then creating the Humankind Army in its place as the ‘ideal reincarnation’, as there would be no more war. This, with Fukuchi, could be manifesting in the form of wanting to bring the world itself and these ‘angels’ to justice for their wrongdoings. But also enact justice on behalf of his fallen comrades who no longer have the ability to do so.

The entire theme of the Hunting Dogs is that they all have an extremely strong drive for justice, but all in their own ways. Currently in the story, however, almost none of them agree with Fukuchi anymore, and have either formed their own sense of justice that goes against Fukuchi, or has placed more value in something else over that justice.

Out of all the Hunting Dogs, the one who talks about justice the most is Tecchou. But we’ve already seen Tecchou find something worth putting above his sense of justice; Jouno, who he wants to find more than he wants to enact justice on Kenji for being a ‘terrorist’. Jouno also has his own form of justice, which is to protect the innocent above all else, as we see him declare as he defies Fukuchi in chapter 93 before being bitten.

Tachihara was the first to abandon his belief in justice and Fukuchi, stating that orders make him who he is as we see a panel of Mori telling Tachihara to destroy the enemy of the world (aka Fukuchi). Unfortunately, following orders apparently can’t save you from being stabbed from the past. And then blinded. And bitten. Tachi can’t catch a break or any story time even 2 years later

Teruko, who has already been told all of Fukuchi’s plans by the man himself as of chapter 103.5, still chooses to follow Fukuchi of her own free will, telling Atsushi that ‘justice is but a word’ in the face of that. I’m not sure if this means she’s no longer following a sense of justice at all, or if she just puts her will to follow Fukuchi to the end of the earth above it. Either way, she’s the only one still following Fukuchi in the Hunting Dogs at this point. However, she lets Atsushi go, which makes me think she’s resigned to letting Fukuchi carry out his plans but doesn’t want to get involved herself.

Fukuchi is the only one who believes in his own sense of justice above all else, and it could be what is fueling him to carry out whatever world-ending plans he has. There’s not many other explanations as to why a man like Fukuchi would be so determined to reach his goals, since we know for a fact that revenge is at least not the main contributor here. Not to mention, Atsushi calls Fukuchi a ‘representative of justice’ in chapter 83.5, and Fukuchi doesn’t correct him or mention it.

So besides another reference to angels, it’s interesting to see Fukuchi call the chairman ‘foolish’ for thinking he was doing all this to save the world. This adds to the idea that he doesn’t see salvation for the world as it is, which ties into the fact that he wants to remake the world under the Humankind Army. He doesn’t plan on saving the world as it is, nor does he plan on dominating it at the basic definition of the concept. He wants to carry out justice to destroy and then reincarnate the world under one army controlled by one man and one nation. It’s probably more accurate to say he wants to unite the entire world under the army more than under himself specifically, but it’s still debatable at this point.

Fukuchi’s mental state is also called into question a few times. We see Atsushi questioning it in chapter 91 during the ADA meeting in Lucy's room, and then obviously there’s the handful of flashbacks we get of the battlefield Fukuchi stood on, either surrounded by bodies or witnessing the end of one of his comrades, or standing before a crater where soldiers were most likely standing at one point. We also see during the two Fukus memory flashback that Fukuchi was scared he’d return from the war a changed person, which is why he wanted Fukuzawa to go with him. This is most likely what Fukuchi is referencing in chapter 103.5 when he tells Fukuzawa that ‘the person he knew before does not exist’, and that ‘the battlefield changed everything’. This mental state probably doesn’t help the whole destroying-and-rebirthing-the-world thing he has going on right now. Not to mention, in the memory in chapter 104, Fukuchi originally went into the military with the idea that his actions were ones that saved lives, and that war was not the enemy of everything on earth. He genuinely believed he could protect his comrades in war. But when he couldn’t save anyone, his views changed drastically to what they are now, which is shockingly similar to what Fukuzawa said in opposition to Fukuchi in the memory: that the only things found at war were actions that took away lives.

Conclusion/TLDR: Fukuchi doesn’t want revenge or to dominate the world by himself, he wants to destroy the governments and nations of the world and then create the Humankind Army to begin the reincarnation of one unified nation under that army. All for the sake of preventing war from ever breaking out again, and therefore enacting his delusional form of justice upon the negligent nations that allowed war to happen in the first place. This is also justice served for his fallen comrades that beg him to take revenge.

[queenmeraairam]

Just Hold me

Namor x F Reader I don't own the character First time writing Description Establish Relationship Reader has had a bad day like  A REAL BAD DAY NAMOR CONFORTS YOU. Hurt/Confort. Sorry for spelling errors Warning violence.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH" you screamed at the ocean you screamed until your throat went raw the tears streaming down your face you had had a real bad day first you got into a nasty fight with your dad with him calling you all sorts of horrible names and throwing things around the house. All you did was tell him to keep the toilet seat dry after using the restroom. You left before the tears could fall.

Afterwards you had to go to work at the local restaurant and to your horror you were working with the terror twins Mandy and Karen they would make you do all the work while they themselves doing the bare minimum and made your job many times harder than it had to be. You tried to complain to the manager but the manager was constantly stoned out of his mind.

And today they must hae been in a real Bitchy mode spilling dirty food on you and calling you names under their breath. And the customers were no better the heat wave was making everyone short tempered you lost count how many customers yelled at you for things out of your control. It but it wasn't till the restaurant closed up that it really got bad you were taking out the trash when they cornered you Mindy grabed your hair and pulled you to the ground and when you tried to get up Karen gave you a kick to the stomach knocking the air was out of your lungs and keeping you grounded  but it wasn't over Mandy got you to your feet only for Karen to give you a backhanded slap knocking you to the ground  you tasted blood. You tried to fight but it was two against one and they were much bigger than you. You are 5'0 these girls are 5'8 there was no way you would win. The beating felt like it lasted hours but in reality it was no more than ten or so minuites according to your phone. You were hurting but you forced yourself to your bike and made your way to the beach your safe space you would come here everytime you felt like your emotioins were too much to handle or just wanted to be alone and sing it was secluded and hard to get to.

It was also here where you meet him.

Your Kukulkan you met him a few years ago The moon was beautiful you came here because you wanted to sing and play your guitar without being seen you had just a finished a song when you heard some clapping that spooked you you turned around and saw him emerging from the sea Dark hair, Beautiful Caramel skin covered in jewels with wings at his ankles you thought he was the most beautiful man you had ever seen.

" That was beautiful" He said  " Thank you i wrote it myself" you blushed you never herd someone compliment your singing before your shyness prevented you from singing infront of people "i'm Y/n what is yours" you asked " My people call me Kukulkan but my enemies call me Namor are you an enemy? He asked with a menacing tone getting closer. Out of instinct you stepped back clutching your guitar to you chest "No... I am not i've got no reason to be." you said back unsure on what else to say.

"As you say you have no reason to be do not be afraid i was swiming near by and heard singing i did not mean to frighten you. You have a lovley voice," Namor says his whole demeaner changed he sits himself down hoping you do the same and you do and you begin talking he tells you about Talokan and himself and the marine life it was fascianting to learn and you told him about your life your mom died when you were young she loved to sing so you do to to keep her memory life. How your dad sucks and you are waiting to graduate University so you can go away and never come back you tell him about your dreams of going to medical school and becoming a doctor and fears which suprised you. you had never told anyone this and yet here you were telling it to a man you just met a complete stranger but you coudn't deny there was something about him that made you feel safe like it was gonna be okay it felt warm and before you realized. It was starting to get late and you need to go home because you had class in the morning. "will i see you again?" Kukulkan asked with hopefull tone, you couldn't help but smile "How about tomorrow night?" You responded Kukulkan Just nods "until tomorrow" he says and then you part ways.

True to your word you return the next night and meet him again many times you bring your homework and notes so you can study a bit and you would talk about your classes and what you were learning it never seeamed to bore him instead he seemed quite interested  he would ask questions and help you study by asking you questions from the books  but he would make sure there was time for play because all work and no play is not good he would bring you gift like shells and pearls you tried to refuse but he would give you puppy dog eyes and you would always relent He taught you his lanuage and told you things he had never told other people. And before you knew it you had falllen in love with him.

You remembered the first time you kissed him it was after seeing the results of a very difficult exam that you were so caughted up in your joy you just kissed him which supprised you. You imediatly backed away unsure of what to say or do with one hand he just gently grabbed your chin so you were looking at him and the other one he put around your waist pulling you closer ��and slowly as to not scare you without breaking eye contact he kissed you and you felt your nerves go haywire and you deepened the kiss it was the first night he made love to you and oh how you felt loved for the first time in a long time you felt loved you felt seen.

You smiled at the memory it was one of your favorites.

At this point you had sat yourself down your head on your knees and you were just sobbing so hard your body was shaking you didn't hear foot steps rappidly approach.

He was on his way when he heard your cries and immidiatly rushed and what he saw made his heart stop Bruises covered your ams and legs He gently knelt by you and tried to get your attention "In yakunaj! Ba'ax tuukul a.Ba'ax ku yuuchul? Ba'ax uuch" ( My love! what's the matter? what's wrong? what's happened) He had never seen you in such a state he placed a hand on your shoulder which caused you to look up. Kukulkan frozed your face had brusies a black eye a busted lip. You didn't say anything you just threw yourself into his arms and sobbed and sobbed. Kukulkan wrapped his arms around you and just held you whispering sweet nothings after a while your sobs quited but the shaking didn't.

"In Yakunaj paakat in" (my love look at me) Kukulkan said concern in his voice "Maax beet le ba'ala?" ( who did this).He tells you his voice like iron.  And you just spilled everything by the end you were crying not as hard as before but it didn't matter seeing tears was not something Kukulkan liked to see not now not ever. "shhh my love it is okay i'm here i'm here, i'm sorry im so sorry you had such a bad day i should go and kill those three for daring to hurt you. It is unforgivable" Kukulkan's voice was hard he was trying to keep his rage in. The only thing stopping him was that you were still in his arms shaking in distress and he was not gonna leave you until you were fully calmed down even then he might not go yet.

"N-o-o don't they are unworthy as much of assholes they are they don't deserve it" you tell him as much as the idea sounds amusing you knew it was wrong " Just hold me please " Your voice breaking Kukulkan is quick to shush you and does as you say he holds you tight like you might slip away at any moment when you have fully calmed down he gently strips your clothes off and sees the extent of the injuries you suffered he is angry for the brusies are everywhere. But he puts his anger aside and just focuses on kissing the bruises he redresses you and gently picks you up and goes to an outcropping of rocks where the both of you will be more conceled from prying eyes grabs the blanket that you left there a while ago wraps you up and just holds you until you fall asleep in his arms he longs to take you to Talokan away from here but he saves that question for another day right now he just holds you

[turtlemagnum]

now that my childhood is definitively over and has been for a while, i'm feeling compelled to write a little about it in retrospect. warning, long, and likely not very pleasant at times. specific warnings include discussion of child abuse, domestic violence, sexual assault, racism, ableism, medical abuse, and pissing on my enemies (god typing that out really made me think about the depths of this shit. christ)

as far as i can remember, my earliest memory is noticing the condensation on the outside of my cup and being amazed at how the outside could've possibly got wet even though the lid was sealed tight. even then i could tell that it wasn't the same as when you spilled it, leaving me with a lot of questions but without the language to express them. this is a soft memory, one of the few i have of then due to how i started forming memories about 2 weeks before my dad left, at least according to my parents recollection of little things i told them about remembering. now, my parents... they were definitely too young to be parents, i think; and regardless neither were particularly well adjusted individuals. my dad undoubtedly moreso, the fact that i have more trauma surrounding my mom most certainly being a matter of sheer exposure since she's the one that mostly raised me.

my parents splitting is also one of my earliest memories. i still remember it being late at night, i couldn't sleep so i was watching the VHS for one of the aladin movies repeatedly. i was about 6 at the time, if memory serves. i don't know why, but eventually i felt like trying to see my parents in their room, but when i got to their door i was filled with an overwhelming sense of dread; one i couldn't quite comprehend at the time. it was quiet, i could hear nothing. or at least that's what i remember, it's all very fuzzy. next thing i know, i inch open the door and it bursts open. my dad, with some sort of hold on my mom; i interpreted it as a choke but she says it wasn't. i can still remember the looks on their faces, especially his. i'd never seen rage like that in someones eyes before. next thing i remember, we're out in the living room. dad has a knife in his hand, and i don't quite understand what he's saying. i keep asking mom why he has a knife in his hand, she's panicking and insisting it's just a newspaper in an ineffectual attempt to keep me calm. i'd later learn that in that moment, he was threatening to kill himself. that was the last time i'd see my father for a long time.

a short while later, i was playing outside. i don't quite remember why, but a group of siblings started attacking me, throwing rocks the size of my head and hitting me with sticks and the like. i was trying to run away, but i was slower than them. luckily, i've always been a bit big relative to my age range, so when i saw i had no choice but to fight back, i was equipped to. i remember literally seeing red, and grabbed one by the neck. the rest scattered like a bunch of little pissants, and i'd later find out that they were going to get their dad. now, their dad was a rather large man. one of unimpressive fitness and even less impressive mental faculties. but he was an adult, and i wasnt. he said he was going to kill me, and my mom, and when i ran he yelled "yeah, get your daddy". i likely needn't say why that line particularly hurt. my mom came out to protect me, and the police arrived. the cop said to him, something to the effect of "if i were in your shoes, i'd have done the same thing." thus beginning a lifelong distrust in the police. i'd also later find out that he shared a last name with the cop, though due to some phrasing i'd later hear from one of the dude's daughters there's reason to believe that they might not actually be related. regardless, this unequivocally sticks out as one of the times i felt most utterly powerless in my childhood. my mom didn't allow me outside on my own until i was big enough to defend myself from trash like him. needless to say, that was the most formative years of my childhood flushed away spent alone inside a shitty apartment. years later, given how he was a neighbor at the same apartments, he'd act like nothing ever happened. he'd try to act all friendly, and i'd have to restrain myself from trying to get revenge. i'd later find that his wife was a kind soul, and the one who actually worked a job, with the kids actually seeming to grow not only to be decent people but to hate him just as much as i did. so, i can't bring myself to blame them in all of this, even if i unequivocally did at the time.

i'd start going to school soon, about 1 to 2 weeks later? the first day didn't go so well. i was in an introductory gym class, and the gym teacher was being kind of a condescending prick. so, i pissed on him and ran away. that's just kinda something i did, back then. probably the only funny thing about this story, at least at this portion. they didn't manage to catch me for about a half an hour according to my mom, but by my reckoning at the time i avoided the teachers for what felt like an eternity. regardless, i was placed in a special ed school from then on for my behavioral issues, and would be in some kind of special ed for the rest of my time in school.

at around that same time, i don't remember exactly when but i could at least form memories by then, i made a "friend". his name was christian, and he was a mean little fucker. but, since i had no other friends, and i'm pretty sure our moms got along well, we hung out. i think he might've been the first in a long line of people i sought companionship in and shouldn't have; or ar least one of the first. regardless, i forget the context but he was being a prick one day and i'd finally had enough of his bullshit, so i pissed on him. he started crying, which made me laugh. luckily i think this was the last time i had done this, so if this grosses you out then be happy that there's nothing piss related left.

school was mostly uneventful. a fight here, some work there, usually nothing special. my first teacher, i loved her at the time, ms. h. now, as a white person it's very much not my place to call her an uncle tom. at the same time, she very much taught us that we had moved past race as an issue, and unprovoked she at one point mentioned how the black panthers were, and i quote, "the black KKK" (one of the few things from back then that i remember the specific wording of). again, i'm white, she was black, it's not my place to call her an uncle tom. but i'll let you come to your own conclusions. wasnt the end of my grade school teachers putting their own stupid political beliefs into the classroom, though i will say it was somehow probably the least stupid. in middle school, i had a mrs. messina as my main teacher. at one point, while teaching us about the american civil war, she said something to the effect of "now, the book says it was fought over slavery, but it was really about state's rights". at the time, i could tell it was absolutely bullshit she was pedeling there, but i didn't know the history behind that specific brand of bullshit and i didn't have the ability to meaningfully challenge her on that due to the fact that i was a fucking middle schooler and she was my teacher. was still somehow one of the better ones i had overall though, somehow. probably more of an indictment of the system if anything. the one i was very much most impacted by at the time was in high school. i don't remember her name, but she was one of the aids in class (which, if you dont know, in special ed are the people who do little supplementary things to help the actual teachers), and during a slow part of class she just kinda went on an unprompted rant about how PTSD and related mental illnesses are "stupid". in a special ed classroom, with at least one student who had PTSD (me). said some bullshit about how things were so bad for the people who went through the world wars, and how they didn't have PTSD and this and that (clearly somebody never heard the term "shell shock"), and my actual teacher, bless his soul, actually pushed back a little on it, but god damnit did i want her to have been through even a little bit of what people like us have. i remembered at the time, back in middle school. one of the aids was a veteran, real soft spoken guy, shaved head, pretty buff, i never learned how his name was spelled but if i had to guess it was mr. garo. i remember at one point saying that what i went through was probably nowhere near as bad as what he did, and you know what he said to me? "you've got PTSD too, kid." that stuck with me, it really did. and here i heard this dumb bitch talking about how back in her day men were men and all that bullshit, and i couldn't help but think about mr. garo at that time, and wonder if she'd have the balls to say that shit to his face. at a different point she also came out as a climate change denier, so, y'know. wrong side of history about a lot of shit, really.

so, over the course of my adolescence i was in and out of the mental hospital more times than any of us can remember. i sure as hell can't, and by my mom's recollection it was about 7-12 times all in all. i barely remember the first times when i was very young, i don't think anything all too important happened despite a prevailing sense of death pervading over the whole experience. most of them happened when i was very, very young. luckily, we were poor enough that we actually had free healthcare, which if you know much in depth about american healthcare that should tell you something about where we were at the time. the last time i went was in middle school. just recently, i had burnt my leg pretty severely. they didn't give me the ointment to treat it while i was in there. i had lost one of my favorite shirts in there and one of the staff said "yeah, i'll see if i can get it", lying to my fucking face (bastard never even checked where he said he would), and according to someone who previously worked there and quit because the staff there sucked, there's a good chance it was stolen. i had a headache once, and the staff wouldn't let me just stay in my fucking room even though they let at least one other person stay in their room and sleep in, and at one point one of the nurses threatened to burn the book i had with me with a demonic fucking grin on her face. the worst thing that happened in there, though, wasn't to me. i didn't even realize the depths of how fucked it was until i remembered it in high school. warning, this next part is about sexual assault, you can skip to the next paragraph if that's enough for you. one of the girls i did group therapy was in there for being drugged and raped on camera. and the psychiatrist she was talking to? he said that she was just doing it for fucking attention. i swear to god, if hell exists he's going straight to depths of satans dick.

one time, when i was very young, i was playing with some cards that belonged to my grandpa. this is blurry but my grandma told me to stop, and when i didn't she beat the shit out of me with a belt. y'know, for being a kid, playing with cards. my grandpa and mom would later find me with my bed pushed up against my door. i don't believe i was punished for it because i told them exactly what happened. in talking to my mom about it, she said that she made sure that i wasnt alone with my grandma for a while. i wonder if she never tried anything like that again because she knew what she did was wrong, or if it's because she knew that by the time we'd be alone again next, i'd've been able to fight back, and unlike her if i went down i'd be able to get back up.

i never really had friends growing up, at least never for long. there were the people i went to class with, and that's only assuming i didn't fucking hate them. never really stayed in touch with people, and while a couple of times i met some again after the fact, i'd come to kind of fucking hate them. one of my best friends in middle school, garrett. loved the dude at the time, made the busrides actually goddamn enjoyable. i think he was probably my first time having romantic attraction to a another guy, even if i didn't quite have the capacity to understand the specificities of it all. my first morning in high school, i was overjoyed to see him again. and, since he already had two friends, that was two people i had a foot in the door to becoming friends with already. over the next two years, we'd be friends in the way that only teenage shitheads could be. and by the end of it, i realized that i hated them, and more importantly, myself for how we acted. so, i started to isolate myself, and luckily for me that's around when covid hit, so i would've been isolated as shit anyways! i think that's around the time i really started to mature as a person, funnily enough. i still sucked, but i was well on my path to sucking a lot less, like i do now. of course, i'm not perfect, but i'm definitely a lot better than i was as a high schooler, that's for damn sure.

growing up all alone, my two main sources of entertainment were books and video games, setting aside the VHS player. aside from my gameboy advance, the first actual console i could call my own was my N64. i used to think it was probably the newest piece of functional technology in the apartment, but in retrospect the fridge probably beat it out by a few years. that damn thing got me through a lot, especially the zelda games on it. the other main gaming device i had throughout a significant part of my childhood was the computer my dad left, and there were significant parts of that time where it didn't function at all, much less the functional but without internet it would later come to be. one of the games he'd install on it when he came up to visit was oblivion, i remember requesting it because i figured out that it was a game i remembered him playing when i was really young. there were a few games like that. ones that i mostly remember watching him play while i sit on his lap. spore was one of them, one of the earliest i remember really. but oblivion... it's still unequivocally one of my favorite games of all time, even if i have grown more and more critical of it as the years have gone on. growing up, the first job that i ever wanted was to be a warrior, like vegeta called himself in dragon ball z. as soon as i realized that wasnt gonna work out, the main thing then became games, and while i've definitely grown a lot more focused on writing as time's gone on, i still remember the desire and wonder i felt over imagining a game that had open world exploration and first person perspective like oblivion but the stellar dungeon and puzzle design of zelda, as well as a mixture of the immaculate vibes of both. i think the closest we've gotten was botw, but that's still not quite what i had in mind. i sincerely hope i'll be able to show you all, one day

eventually, i'd get a fully functioning computer. one that was basically an overpriced prebuilt office PC, but it had good enough specs to play oblivion and could connect to the internet, so even before i was able to get a new copy of oblivion on steam i was able to play flash games and such. the first game i ever got on my steam account was TF2, because it was free and somebody i knew from middle school had recommended it to me. i later friended him when i gained full steam account usage, i remembered his steam name even though he had been in high school for a while at that point. he was also the reason as to why i eventually got discord, too. a fair amount of time had passed, and i had come to find that i had basically nothing in common with him, but i think i might've been an adult by then. regardless, i had somebody to play TF2 with, and i was a happy kid. i would eventually rig up this broken bluetooth headset to work as just a mic over discord, it sucked but hey, i'm not the one who had to listen to it. i remember my first major TF2 update was, and get ready for this... jungle inferno. good timing, i know. got in just in time to see the last major content update! it was pretty early on, so i didn't even notice much different aside from the fact that i had to wait significantly longer to find a game for a while, so i just didnt play for a while lol. over the course of about 2017 to 2018 or so, i put the vast majority of my hours in TF2 in. 554 hours at time of writing. i don't see that changing soon, given the state of the game and lack of friends to play it with. i actually met a longtime friend over a niche little hightower server, one that's no longer up. i actually saw it being played in a pretty popular TF2 youtube video at the time, albeit for a short bit. i'm not friends with her, anymore. she's one of the many people i've realized i'm better off without, even with the pain in my chest as i write that. there's a certain kind and degree of irony poisoning that kills you even to interact with, and while hers was subtle in many ways it was also to her core. talking with her left me with an overwhelming feeling of not being cared about, like i meant nothing to her even though i cared so much about her. i'd be lying if i said a part of me doesnt miss her.

through the guy i met in middle school, i met who in retrospect would be my highschool girlfriend. online, of course. gods, it pains my heart just to think about her. they had such a profound impact on me, from my sense of humor, to my music taste, to my taste in games. she's the reason i have such a love for half life, you see she was pretty involved in the source modding scene when i first met her. she actually had me do a bit of voice acting for one of her mods, if memory serves. unsure if it ever got finished. god, she even bought me the microphone i currently use. well, not like i've even used it this year. all our little spoonerisms, our stupid little jokes, the games we'd play together, it all makes me want to cry in retrospect. by the time we parted, things had changed. she'd grown distant. cold. i couldn't even talk to her anymore. i still feel so bad for it, but i had to break up with her. on some level we both still loved eachother. but we had grown apart. and the things i had put her through... i couldn't continue to have done the things i had done. from what i've been able to ascertain about the lives of normal people, i was... relatively not that shitty, for a teenage boy. but god did i still fucking suck.

i remember, all my life, everyone always insisted how smart i was. my parents insisted i was smart because they were smart, my teachers all insisted i was smart for some goddamn reason, everywhere i turned i had adults fellating me over my own perceived intelligence. it gave me a complex, to put it lightly. if i was so smart, then everyone around me must be such a dumbass, and therefore i'm better than them, and... you see the problem here, right? and the thing is, i wasn't smart, i just knew big words because i read a lot of fantasy and that's just what our society thinks smart is. honestly, i'm not even sure intelligence is a wholly valid concept, even if it makes instinctual sense. there's a reason i try not to use intelligence as neither a compliment or an insult anymore. honestly, at this point my stance on it is that everyone's a dumbass and the difference is on what. it's taken me a lot to unlearn my own sense of superiority, it's very hard to unlearn something that you had instilled into you as long as you've been making memories. i think another thing was my own attractiveness.

growing up, people always told me how much i look like my mom; my mom especially. i don't really see much in the way of similarities, but i still internalized that to some degree. now, imagine hearing that as a kid, and then hearing your mom crying about how ugly she thinks she is. that's pretty fucking damaging, even if it took me into adulthood to be able to properly articulate it. there's a lot that it's taken me into adulthood to fully articulate. y'know, you absorb a lot, as a kid. that's what you do, generally speaking. so, speaking as an adult now... i just hope i can make a better world for the next generation of little shits, so they dont turn out with as much bullshit as i did, y'know? even if i don't think i'm ever gonna want to have kids, it's just... important. y'know?

[bluerayhealing]

a list of things he did that i hate, just to keep me from crying myself to sleep tonight knowing he's out fucking someone who's not me and he didn't give a fuck about me. -he complained i lived too far (like 10 minutes) that's when i knew he didn't like me anymore -he made a judgy comment about me wearing the same leather jacket to our date again.. days apart but he was like "that same jacket again?" -he pulled my nipple so hard once, i said it hurt, he laughed and said "sorry" -he got mad at me for not letting him go down on me at a dirty overpass during the day -he shoved me if i didn't feel like having sex -he had naked pictures of girls on Snapchat -when we hung out with his friend and his friend's tinder date we stopped at the gas station and she went to the bathroom. according to him she was taking too long and was going to leave her there. I thought that was so mean.. i asked if he'd ever leave me in a gas station. He said "I would NEVER leave you at a gas station". His friend in the backseat laughed, probably cause he knew it was a lie. -he would make plans with me that would never happen just to keep me hooked -he would ghost me like i was trash -he's fucked more than 20 girls -he smiled and said "oh yeah" when he was remembering all the girls he fucked in college -he pulled my hair back once so hard i thought i was lucky my neck didn't snap -he tried choking me during sex once -he said "daddy like" during sex once -he mentioned an ex (someone he met AFTER the first time we were together) and didn't care about my feelings -he kept his little pipe in a dirty sock, suspiciously small sock i'm assuming belonged to his ex -he admitted to fucking his ex's friend right after the break up -when i went through something really shocking where a creep came up to me in the forest, he was there and scared the guy away but i was alone with the creep for a good few minutes, then right after this he just wanted fuck even though i was in shock and scared. i told him and he said it would make me feel better. he was so rough that night.. more than usual. -on our very first date ever he'd given me his sweatshirt cause it was cold and i had it around my shoulders. when he dropped me off i had forgotten about it and was stepping out of the car with his sweatshirt and he quickly grabbed it by the hood but also grabbed me and it was really rough, honestly. like ok.. i get it you like your sweatshirt, you could've just said so and i would've handed it back.. no need to take my skin off. i see this list and it's bad. lol he obviously didn't care for me at all, but for every bad memory i have a good one.. not only good but some of the best memories of my life... i miss the good moments so much. I miss his hugs. It sucks to think he was faking all of it. It's really hard to admit he's not a good person. And it's humiliating that I love him anyway, still to this day. I fell for someone that lied and used me and was just playing a character. There is no one else for me thought.. i hate myself for not being good enough for him to even stick around to keep being abusive lol here's my mental illness making itself obvious. I wasn't even good as a punching bag. I just wish he'd stayed. I don't care if he could he an asshole sometimes.

[solunstell]

Notes I've taken on the bsd novel 55 minutes:

Kunikida once broke into a meteorological bureau because they got the weather wrong

"From what Atsushi had gathered during his time at the agency, Naomi always seemed happier the more trouble her brother was in. Why? Who knows."

Kenji sleep talks and is apparently "irritable and annoyed" when he wakes up

Yosano asking atsushi to lend her a femur cuz it will "grow back"

The floating city reminds me of Sigma's casino

My bby atsushi was so excited for this trip I love him. He even packed a pillow for pillow fights

"Kunikida was to join later; he apparently had to do something about Tanizaki and his sister, Naomi, since they ended up being placed in the same room at the hotel due to some sort of mistake in the paperwork or somebody’s string-pulling." Naomi definitely pulled some strings.

Dazai sneaking onto the island with great security and hiding in a fucking trashcan...

"'Nice, Atsushi. You’re like a real detective already! It’s such a joy to see you grow up so fast.'" Dazai is Atsushi's dad istg

When Dazai stops smiling, it seems like the temperature dropped a few degrees.

"And with that, Dazai crouched back down into the garbage and put the lid on over himself. The garbage can then bounced into the air with a light grunt, fell on its side, and began rolling away down the street. 'Bon voyage!' Bidding farewell to Atsushi with an unnecessarily cheery tone, Dazai rattled and rolled down the sloping road until he disappeared from sight."

Poor Higuchi. She wants to go sightseeing and enjoy the island (aka a date with Akutagawa).

She only booked one hotel room too.

Dazai keeps rolling around in his trash can to move before eventually its revealed there was two holes for his legs the entire time. Drama queen

"Dazai smiled like a schoolteacher."

Atsushi taking the lid off and scaring Dazai is really funny

“'Ha-ha-ha! I never thought you’d be able to scare me like that! You’ve grown, Atsushi! The only way I knew how to reward you was by showing you my secret technique: Cardiac Arrest. It must be an honor.'"

“'So you’ve finally given up being human,” muttered Kunikida. He sounded thoroughly disgusted. “How does somebody survive even after stopping their own heart?' 'I learned how to do it during my quest to master the secret arts of suicide, naturally. Hearts don’t take long to start back up; it’s no big deal.'” nods at Meursalt!Dazai

Higuchi is smart.

According to Atsushi, Atsushi doesn't heal; the tiger negates wounds. Similarly, it seems like he isn't a man tiger, but has a tiger inside of him.

"It was Dazai. His eyes were extremely calm, unlike how they usually were."

The agency has a 'Dazai is dead' plan.

"'Because I .'"

Kyouka is the only agent unaffected by the summer heat.

"But Dazai didn’t say a word as he stared at a point in the sky with an elbow resting on the table. It was as if his eyes weren’t focused on the scenery outside but were watching vivid memories playing back in his mind." "Atsushi felt as if he could see the white smoke of a cigarette rising in Dazai’s eyes." - When asked about Mimic, dazai is definitely thinking about Oda

[sweeterthanmydreams]

Second Year: Summer (the Hemming-Byrd Legacy)

[Legacy Challenge Rules] [My Legacy Sheet] [Blank Legacy Sheet] [Intro] [Previous]

Ophelia started out wanting to help her community; rolling into her second summer, she’s finally gotten a taste of success! With her finances in order, she’s been able to make her first charitable donations to causes that she thinks can really make a difference. In addition, her island home has never looked better: though there’s still a ways to go, the trash clean up her and wife Lanuola have been doing is finally starting to show in the clean, more beautiful island paradise around them. It’s all sunshine and roses in the Hemming-Byrd house. Sunshine, roses, and surprises.

It turns out that I did have my mods tuned correct: Lanuola’s abduction has resulted in the first pregnancy of the Legacy! It might be thirty days ahead of schedule, but she seems absolutely stoked about becoming a new parent. At least that’s one of us. Now that they’ve got more finances, I took the chance to do some large scale landscaping to blend their home in with the surrounding area. There’s just something about this lot (Admiral’s Wreckage) that looks jarring when you put a house down. Hopefully the edges of the property are a little more subtle now. Ophelia & Lanuola have managed to clean up enough around the islands that Mau Pel’am has hit the next level of conservation so the landscape improvements are well-timed.

I also have to make a correction: the only-lonely Paparazzi in my save were actually two paparazzi, they just have the exact same haircut so I conflated them. We’ve also got the debut of a third paparazzi (who I thought was the second when writing my notes): welcome to the Save File Izumi Hasegawa. At this point, new paparazzi and fans are just popping out of the woodwork! Ophelia also did some autograph signing, most notable for little Alma Ward. According to MCCC, that is in fact Judith Ward’s daughter; and so the Ward Legacy begins quietly in the background. u-u The start of summer also marks the end of the slog that was the Bestselling Author Aspiration: Ophelia is finally free! I was so sure she was glitched, but she just suddenly started writing Bestsellers one day; thank god.

Lanuola takes over getting art from the Hummingbird Collective placed with buyers in her new selling square; she’s working through the Fabulously Wealthy aspiration. If you want to get a better look at the table setup (and the landscaping) you can find the house on my gallery (DreamingTaffy) under the name Hummingbird Beach Year 2. Marcus Flex becomes the first member of the Hummingbird Collection to become an Elder. Since I’m planning to use Ophelia's one Potion of Youth when she reaches the end of Adulthood, he’ll pass away long before she herself becomes an elder which is a little sad. I’ve started a wall in the club hangout where I’ll memorialize club members who pass with their last painting; this will work for everyone except Duane who will break into my house constantly for a glass of milk but won’t participate in club activities. I’ll get you yet, Duane… (And I will get evidence of his annoying milk habit; stop blocking access to my fridge from across the map, Duane!)

At 1 AM on the third day of summer it’s finally time. Lanuola has gone into labor, so wife Ophelia has taken her to the hospital; everyone here is so much more excited for this than Lanuola is. Daichi Fukuda was late to his own surgery but it’s alright: the machine got started without him; guess Lanuola is popping this thing out herself. Give a warm welcome to the first baby of the Legacy Challenge: baby Beatrix Hemming-Byrd. As an adopted daughter of Ophelia’s lineage, she will be eligible to inherit. The last hurdle she has to leap is randomizing the Child of the Island trait; secretly, I’m hoping she’ll be a spare so I don’t have to baton pass to Ophelia’s heir too soon.

With both of their aspirations out of the way, Lanuola and Ophelia were able to start the Bodybuilder Aspiration together. They spent some time out at the gym to get a break from baby and were absolutely swamped by Ophelia’s fans. Unfortunately, they had to change venues when a werewolf decided this was a good place to rampage. Cut to six hours later in a second location, and two werewolves decided the gym was a hot spot for rampaging… If I had a nickel. Fitness adventures continued to be a hoot: Lanuola, and later Ophelia, decided that jogging in the ocean is clearly the way to go. Gotta love that Sulani patching.

Though Ophelia thought her little alien daughter was kind of weird at first, the two have grown attached and the family only gets closer. Beatrix got to try her first baby food with each mother (papaya from Lanuola & yogurt from Ophelia) and loved them both; she has yet to try a baby food that she doesn’t like and she’s quickly running out of foods to try. At this point, I’m really hoping the trait generator will give her Foodie. In the last hours of the last day of summer, Ophelia and then Lanuola have defeated muscle cramps, werewolf attacks, and annoying glitches to conquer the Bodybuilder Aspiration together. They now will both live a very long life, even after becoming Elders and passing the Legacy down to the next generation. I look forward to having them in the household for a long time to come.

As stated before, you can find the current version of their home on the Gallery under my ID: Dreaming Taffy. The current household is called Hemming-Byrd Legacy 1.3. The current lot is called Hummingbird Beach Year 2; since it includes family photos, you'll need to check "Include Custom Content" to see it.

[Next >>]

[bowiebond]

It’s not every day a trans girl shows you how to suck dick outta solidarity. Steve didn’t really expect it when they tumbled into the back alley of the club, the thrill of being outside of Hawkins still thrumming through his body, making him more drunk than the one drink he managed to get down before distracted by her. She’s fucking gorgeous; long legs, sharp red nails, matching mini skirt and latex crop top. She’s got dark pink curls - he can’t tell if it’s real or a wig, not after the elaborate wigs he saw on some of the women - men? - in there in exaggerated makeup. Her eye makeup was so dark he felt like he was staring into the abyss. It’s kind of terrifyingly hot, and apparently he’s into that.

Steve’s twenty five and very much confirmed in his transition, had been out since senior year, despite the trash talk most people weren’t going to fuck with him, not after his track record of using fists in a fight instead of words.

One thing Steve’s not confirmed in is dick. Even girl dick. So he’s a bit surprised when he feels it against his stomach as she kisses him, a good foot taller in her heels, but he’s throbbing at the difference honestly. Loves how she scraps her nails along his scalp, his eyes rolling back with a groan. He’s pretty sure he’s got most of her red lipstick in his mouth now considering it’s all he can taste along with her fruity cocktail.

“I’ve uh, I’m — I’m trans. Are you—?”

“Huh? Yeah, baby.” She laughs, low and soft. “I guess I don’t have to use my heel against you if this go sideways, hm?”

Steve melts when she takes his earlobe between her teeth.

“Y-yeah,” He groaned. “So, like, are you— fucking me or?”

“Oh honey, I’m a stone cold bottom.” She admits with a sigh.

“Oh.” His face burns a little. “I mean, I would, but like — haven’t invested yet. Unfortunately.” He gestures to his crotch and it makes her snort, giggling against his neck.

“You’re cute.” Not the word he’d use for himself, but who is he to disagree with this obscenely hot Amazon? “Hm…wanna exchange?”

“Exchange?” He blinks a few times, trying to make sense of her words in his jumbled head.

“I’ll go down on you if you go down on me.” That idea is very hot according to downstairs, and he’s totally willing to blow her if it means she’ll eat him out in return.

“I’ve uh—“ Except he’s never done that. He’s only been with girls, and one other trans guy.

“You don’t want to.” She seems a little forlorn but like she expected it as she pulls away.

“I want to!” He quickly assures, pulling her back in by her waist. She moans softly against his temple as her cock presses against his stomach. Steve’s eyes flutter at the sound, trying to keep his wits. “Don’t get me wrong, totally want to, I just…never done it.”

“Sex?”

“No, like…going down on a girl dick. Or any dick.”

“Oooooh.” She’s quiet a long moment and it makes Steve’s stomach squirm. “I can like…teach you. In solidarity, you know?”

That was not what he expected her to say, but it makes him laugh, and he’s nodding before he can even think of what his answer would be.

“Okay. Fuck, okay.” He snickered, and her nails scratch down his chest.

“Quit laughing and get on your knees then, baby.” She giggles and Steve doesn’t find the idea of kneeling in an alleyway appealing, but this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and Steve’s not passing it by.

Will he ever use this information again? With his luck in love, probably not. But it’ll be hell of a memory (and a story for Robin).

Honestly, Steve doesn’t expect her to be big. Like…big. He definitely felt the length when she pressed it against his stomach, but she’s genuinely thick and long and oh Steve is fucked.

That shouldn’t make him hornier. He’s fucking trembling with want and it would be embarrassing if not for her nails back against his scalp, destroying him from the outside to his core.

He can still taste her lipstick when he stretches his lips around her, sucking experimentally. Tries to keep his teeth out of the equation. Her hand guides him from the back of his neck, thumbing under his ear, and he’s not sure if he’s supposed to feel relaxed but he’s never felt so.

“Oh, you’re made for this. You’re so sweet, baby.” She moans as he bobs his head, stroking what he can’t fit in his mouth, and it’s not as bad as he imagined it could be. He’s got a sensitive gag reflex, but she’s being gentle, making his world fuzzy, and it’s nice even when tears spring in his eyes and his throat spasms in refusal.

He feels it when her grip tightens, but he doesn’t resist when she pulls him closer, fucks herself deeper into his throat, lashes soaked and cheeks crimson. He can barely swallow with her so deep, can’t breathe, but his brain is swimming in a quiet lake and it’s amazing.

He wondered if she’d take his number if he gave it. He could invest in a strap-on if she prefers to lay back. Hell, he would love to fuck her just so he could get his mouth on her again, feel her nails against his jaw, taste her lipstick.

Yeah. He never gave up that hopeless romantic streak. He’d be thinking of this for months to come no doubt. Worth it.

Totally worth it when she keens and cums down his throat, when she pets his face as she pants and calls him ‘such a good boy’.

She didn’t even have to get between his thighs, the brush of her thumb against his dick, her breath against his cunt, that was enough to finish him off and he’s pretty sure he’s not getting her number after a display like that.

(He’s wrong. He found it in his back pocket the next morning.)

[captnjacksparrow]

Hi, I love your blog and I read it every day... ❤️

I have a question, do you think that Sakura, Hinata or someone from the village knew or suspected the true feelings of Naruto and Sasuke?👀

That's right, in the manga, when Naruto is talking to Sakura about Sai, Naruto gets nervous or something like that, however the face that he puts in the manga is as if he was putting it to the test.

I don't know maybe I'm just hallucinating but I want to know your opinion. I'm sorry if you don't understand, my language is Spanish.

🍅🍅🍥🍥

Aahhh!!! Insanely interesting ask, Anon. I love this one!!!!

I think no one suspects their feelings between them but they know Naruto and Sasuke feels ‘something’ about each other to the point when something happens to one of them, the other would react in an intense manner. 

I mean, Kishi cannot put a scene , say Sakura, doubting their feelings for each other otherwise it would stir up a lot of trouble, that is, it would confirm something’s really going on between the two. (Which is not ‘typical’ of Shounen. Sigh!!!)

However, Kishi does things in his own way by making it as a joke or a casual thing. And I am going to include everyone from the Narutoverse, not just someone from Konoha.

PEOPLE WHO MILDLY ‘SHIPS’ NARUTO AND SASUKE IN NARUTOVERSE

Alright, people, Here ‘Ship’ means not in a romantical sense. But in a platonic or friendly sense.

HAKU

When I watched this series for the first time, I always wondered ‘What made Haku think that attacking Naruto would make Sasuke fall into the trap?’. 

Then I realized Sasuke was carrying Naruto around to protect him from Haku’s senbon attacks at any cost, which made Sasuke expose his weakness and Haku just fount it and used it against him. 

OROCHIMARU

Some other shippers claim ‘Forest of the Death’ Arc belonged to Ms.Pinky. But Orochimaru and Kabuto’s analysis proves it otherwise. But what did he found there?

Designing a lengthy password which Naruto cannot remember to lure Orochimaru out.

When Naruto came to save Sasuke, he panicked and asked Naruto to ‘Run Away’ and gave up the scroll.

Fought back Orochimaru after seeing Naruto got knocked out.

Kabuto found that Sasuke was overusing Sharingan even to the point of enduring Cursed Seal’s pain to protect Naruto.

KABUTO

“Hardly behaving as a man”... LOL. 

OROCHIMARU AGAIN

This whole battle is to provoke Naruto using Sasuke’s name. And when Orochimaru used the word, ‘My Sasuke-kun’... Naruto just got deranged to the point of sprouting 4 Tails. 

KAKASHI

Sasuke is Naruto’s strength. Kakashi said it. It’s canon, Guys.

KIBA

It’s surprising that Kiba also knows that Naruto gets Hot-Headed when it comes to Sasuke. 

KABUTO AGAIN

Gosh!!!! These Orochimaru and Kabuto duo maybe absolute trash. But they do know something about Naruto and Sasuke.

PAIN

LOL.... How did Nagato know about Naruto chasing Sasuke??? Is this some International news? 

ITACHI

I always wondered as to why Itachi posed this particular question to him? A question which forces Naruto to choose an option. An impossible option which Itachi chose and endured a lot of pain for. Naruto protecting the village is obvious. Why did he ask Naruto about Sasuke? What did he saw?

The answer is in part 1. When Itachi visited the village after Hiruzen’s death, he ‘planned’ to kidnap Naruto. When Sasuke came in between, Itachi just beat the crap out of him. 

But Naruto was so furious to draw Kyuubi Chakra to protect Sasuke. Itachi noticed this very well and hence came to this conclusion. That’s why Itachi didn’t pay any attention to Sasuke. LOL. Which made Sasuke go crazy.

KARIN

This doesn’t need any explanation, does it??? Probably Sasuke might’ve reacted to his name and Karin noticed it. Who knows? Anyways, it’s interesting that a person outside of Konoha could able to connect Sasuke with Naruto, meaning, Karin could able to see something’s going on between them.

KURAMA

ROFL..... There’s no one better in this world to ask Naruto, this particular question, other than Kurama.

KURAMA AGAIN

“What kind of flavour did that Sasuke’s lips have?”.... Gosh!!! This is such an useless scene. Most importantly, Naruto is getting Nose Bleed here. 

ITACHI AGAIN

No doubt, Itachi is the No.1 shipper of SNS. He knew Naruto can change Sasuke.

OBITO

Well, Obito was right about one thing... Naruto’s death can bring powers to Sasuke. But he was wrong about underestimating both of them, that is, they will fight on Obito’s accord. 

OROCHIMARU AGAIN

One of my favorite underrated SNS scene. There is no mention of Pink Trash or anyone else. Well, he lived with him for 3 years. He is the only person who can read Sasuke’s expression perfectly. 

TOBIRAMA

Gosh!!!!! This!!!!! This is just an alien level shipping. Tobirama, a person who rarely compliments, but when he does, it must be damn excellent. Like he was so happy to see Minato was so fast in performing Hiraishin no Jutsu, a jutsu he invented. He openly admitted his admiration 3 times. 

When he complimented the ‘Level of Unison’ achieved by two 16 year old boys, which takes YEARS to achieve is so heartwarming. Because, only we, the audience, knew that Naruto and Sasuke fought together for the last time way back when they were 12 in Land of Waves arc. Even then they could team up together without any direct communication. 

Damn!!!!

OROCHIMARU AGAIN

This is another underrated scene and Orochimaru scores for SNS. We saw Naruto was crying rivers when Obito sucked everyones’s chakra. Sasuke’s face seems to be in a bad mood. 

Orochimaru really is the Mood Finder of Sasuke.

PEOPLE OF KONOHA

Damn!!!! This is my all time favourite!!!!!! 

This is when Ebisu Sensei, fondly remembers how Naruto has grown from a Deadlast (in Episode 1) to an Hero (End of Pain Arc). During one of his memories, People of Konoha appreciates Naruto for stopping Gara from Invading Konoha and Bring Tsunade as Fifth Hokage. When it comes to retrieving Sasuke, this panel appears.

Even people of Konoha themselves knows that Naruto will be depressed if Sasuke is not there in Konoha with him. 

I mean, for every achievements Naruto made, the villagers praised him. When Jiraiya was dead, the villagers felt, ‘Naruto will not lose heart, He’ll keep on going, like always’. But when it comes to Sasuke, the villagers implicitly felt that Naruto will be depressed. 

Kishi is showing us that everyone in Narutoverse understands the feelings between Naruto and Sasuke, but he didn’t drew the extent as to how far it goes. He just left it ambiguous. 

But one thing is sure,

‘Everyone knows that they both are connected somehow and both of them have certain influence on each other which no other person has in Narutoverse and they know that one will suffer without the other.’

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Teardrops on my Circuit Board

I wanted to write something sad but sweet for the Shroud brothers. Consider it something to celebrate Ortho’s dorm card release!

“I’m really into watching movies. At first, I wasn’t very good at emulating human-like behavior. I didn’t know when to be angry or when to be happy.”

***Spoilers for Ortho’s Birthday Gear personal stories!***

Imagine this...

“System Administrator. I have completely eradicated the dust population of Area 51, tag: ‘closet’. Please approach the neutralized space at your own discretion.”

“Th-Thanks, Ortho... I knew I could count on you to quickly clear this mission.”

Idia attempted at a smile to show his appreciation to his latest creation--no, to his little brother. Ortho stared back blankly, the bright amber irises peering into Idia’s soul. A second of time, a snap to his circuits, a beat to his artificial heart--and the sensory input was processed.

“Gratitude acknowledged.”

Gah... It’s no good. Idia’s shoulders slumped as a realization hit him. Ortho’s not acting like Ortho at all... Nothing like a real boy. Did I go wrong somewhere with developing his AI?

“System Administrator.”

“Y-Yes?!” Idia leapt at his title.

“According to the data collected from my eye camera lenses, your gaze has been lingering on my persons for 10.81 seconds. This is an abnormally large value when compared to data from previous trials.”

“I-It’s nothing, I’m just spacing out.”

“Understood. Administrator override; initiation of worry program cancelled. Ortho unit on standby, awaiting further orders.”

“O-Okay. You can rest for now. It’s my turn.” Idia heaved a sigh and crouched, his lanky form hunched over almost like a ball. Stowing away a mental note to tweak Ortho’s coding later, he delved his hands into a pile of items and set to focusing on his original objective: spring cleaning.

All sorts of things--trash and treasures alike--emerged from the darkest recesses of his closet. An old video game controller, half-eaten bags of candy (hastily discarded for their mediocre taste), opened card booster packs, a screwdriver, empty cans of Wonster energy drinks, a VHS tape with a peeling label...

O. Shroud - V Bday was scrawled in blue crayon.

This is... Idia froze, his throat as dry as the Scalding Sands. “... Ortho?”

“Yes. Ortho unit is ready to respond to any question or command.”

“Do you...” Idia hesitated. “Do you remember your 5th birthday?”

“Affirmative. Would you like for me to recall that experience?”

“I think I’ve got something ever better than just simple recall.” Idia glanced at his TV monitor, pressing the tape into a VHS player. It disappeared into the device like food vanishing past one’s lips. “With this, we can relive that time through a video recording.”

The screen flickered to life--and their eyes were drawn to the moving image upon it.

“Retrieving memories and emotions, tag: 5th birthday.” Ortho’s voice was robotic and monotone as he recited the actions he executed. By contrast, the young boy on the TV--his spitting image--was bright, exuberant.

Full of life.

That day...

“Mom and dad took time off of work to celebrate. They prepared a party for me in the garden,” Ortho recited, his face devoid of emotion.

Their parents glided across the screen, every bit as pale as their children were. Faces obscured by the angle of the camera, they lavished the young Ortho with beribboned boxes.

“That’s right.” A drop of hope seeped into Idia.

“There was a pomegranate cake, ambrosia juice to drink, decorations spun by a famous weaver, an orchestra with the finest lyre players, lots of presents... So much laughter. So many smiles.”

On the TV, young Ortho dashed through a garden in full bloom. Lights and shimmering banners were strung up from branches and tall bushes, giving the area an ethereal feel. Music flowed like fine wine. Then someone shouted his name, cutting through the song, and he darted back--back to a mountain of gifts and tables paved with delicacies.

“Wh-What else? What else do you remember?”

“Nii-san!” The Ortho on the screen called out. He waved over an awkward taller boy, who bore the same flickering blue flames for hair as him. “There you are!!”

“My big brother came, too. My big brother that I loved and admired so much. He came out of his room just to celebrate with me. I was...” Ortho paused, scanning his data banks for the right word.

Cheery? Content? Delighted? Gleeful? Glad? Jolly? Jovial? Joyful? Merry? Satisfied? No matter how many (alphabetical) alternatives he ran through, only the simplest answer seemed to fit the best.

“... happy,” Ortho said matter-of-factly. The left side of his chest plate grew warm as that word left him. His circuits shifted, realigned--and his volume softened. “I was so happy, because all of my loved ones were with me.”

An invisible hand closed around Idia’s heart and gave a harsh squeeze, his chest tightening. “Ortho...”

But the robot boy’s gaze was firmly fixated on the TV, on the curvature of the mouth.

This process would require lifting the cheeks and the commissure, his internal voice told him. Extracting relevant data... Running calculations for optimal ratio... Perfect smile package ready. Execute?

“My fifth birthday... it was the ‘happiest day’ for me, because I got to spend it with you.” Ortho turned to his brother. His eyes creased, matching that of the filmed Ortho. His smile, hidden behind a metallic visor--but it was every bit as warm as the breath of spring itself.

They spoke together. The old and the new, the past and the present, their words—their hearts—converging as one.

“I love you, Nii-san!”

Idia’s defenses shattered. All his fully upgraded ultra rare armor, stripped off and destroyed. He visibly recoiled, grasping at his face. Searing hot and wet, tears trickled down his pale cheeks

Ortho’s eyes widened.

“A-Ah, no... Th-This is...” Idia stammered as he attempted to wipe away at his eyes himself with his sleeves. Try as he might, he couldn’t fight off his status ailment, couldn’t shove away the sadness clouding his heart. “J-Just i-ignore me, okay?!”

“That is impossible. Your vital signs are abnormal—I sense that you are in great emotional pain. That is something that I cannot ignore. It must be tended to at once. Administering investigative protocol 311.”

Ortho floated closer, peeking at his bother’s face. A curious little boy staring at death itself. Was it fearless, or was if foolish?

“... Was my recall unsatisfactory? Is that what has brought about your sadness?”

“No. I-It... It was perfect. Too perfect.” Idia forced his eyes shut. His tears collected in crevices. “I started to think things I shouldn’t have. About old wishes upon a star.”

I wished that those happy days could have lasted forever.

He couldn’t being himself to finish his thought, couldn’t bear to speak it into existence. Idia’s fingers dug into the fabric of his hoodie, like claws of a beast seeking something to tear into.

His expression twisted with a flurry of complex emotions. Agony, regret, self-loathing.

“... In that case, may I input a request for a future update?”

“Wh-What? Where’s this coming from?”

“I apologize.” The robot’s voice was, once again, flat. Dead. “No explanation to answer your query could be found in my databases. I can only say that it was borne from a feeling, a desire to learn.”

Idia sniffled, wiping at what remained of his sorrow. “... What is it?”

“Please install a crying function into me.”

“What? A crying function... Why would you ask for something like that?!” Idia shook his head vehemently. “That’s... That’s totally out of the question! Your current gear isn’t liquid resistant at all!”

“I must cry. It is the only way I can understand.”

Idia’s laugh was bittersweet. A mad cackle, even to his own ears. “Hihihihii! Is that why you want to cry? To understand?”

“That is correct.” Ortho placed a hand over his heart--or rather, where his heart would be. Instead of a cardiac organ, there was a glowing blue flame peering through his fingers. “I want to feel the same sadness that you feel.”

“You don’t need such a useless function!” Idia snapped.

It came out harsher than he had intended it to, causing him to flinch at his own tone. He shrank back into himself, mouth twisting with disgust and shame. I raised my voice at my little brother.

His next words came out in a hoarse whisper. “I-I’m sorry. I... don’t want you to feel the same pain that I do.”

“I was happy because you were with me on my special day. We shared that happiness with one another.” The robot’s amber eyes burned with quiet resolve. “Therefore, it is highly probable that we can share other emotions as well. Anger, sadness... I want to experience all of them with you.”

“E-Even so... Happiness and hurt are two different things... I want you to always be smiling, Ortho. Like back then, on your birthday.”

“I want you to always be smiling...” The robot shook his head. “To err is to be human. No man can smile 100% of the time. No man can shoulder his burdens alone.”

“A-Ah... That’s... right, I guess...”

“If you are happy, I will be happy with you. If you are hurt, I will be hurt with you. Diffusing intense emotions is the most optimal solution according to my problem-solving matrix.”

Ortho was methodical in his explanation, his small form silhouetted by the video still playing on the television. Against that backdrop of moving color and sound, the blue fire of his hair—artificial as it was—seemed to glow brighter than ever before. The same face, the same smile.

The Ortho then, the Ortho now... Idia couldn’t tell where the lies ended and where the truth began anymore.

His eyes stung as they welled with tears once more.

He flung his arms around the robot, burying his head in the crook of the neck. Ortho’s core pulsated against him as Idia pressed himself into him. Hands clutching tightly onto the metal and magic—not skin and sinew—that made his little brother up.

“Please discharge all that you like from your lacrimal glands,” Ortho advised. “I will be here to comfort you.”

“I’d... like that. I’d like that a lot, Ortho.”

“I am glad, System Administrator.�� He raised a hand—then stopped. “... Autocorrection: I am glad, Nii-san.”

Ortho’s palm came down on his older brother’s hair in practiced, stiff strokes. The closest to simulating comfort that he could manage.

Idia held fast and wailed louder.

All the joy, anger, and sorrow becoming one.

[welcometotheunknownlosers]

Well here is my Scara lore dump. I hope you all like it. I know I do :)

Warning: Big chunk of text that does not make the most sense and is theory mixed in with actual lore. Not all of this is canon, and while I think I've made it clear what is headcanon and what isn’t, I’m tired and I can’t catch everything. Read at your own risk. I have opinions and funny jokes here. I also am likely wrong about some of these things as I am just a human (or am I) and I make mistakes. Now that you are properly warned, here is my GIANT wall of text that is likely formatted horribly so you will just skim. Because if I wasn’t fixated on his lore I would as well. Also slight leak warning but its only those obvious ones that every Scara fan has to know at this point.

Nameless Era: 

When Scara was made he had been given a name. It was probably a really cool name, but he can’t remember it at all. Ei and Yae might still know it but considering they use the name Scara chose for himself (Kunikuzushi) they probably don't care to use it. Anyway, he wasn’t created to be like the Raiden Shogun, ie, his sole purpose was truly only to be a prototype to hold the Electro Gnosis, which is considered by him to be his heart. According to Yae, he was indeed created as a boy, but I still like to think that he just decided to trans his gender and everyone is supportive. But I digress. Scara also wasn't created to look like Ei at all, which is funny considering he looks like a desaturated version of her. Personally, I think Scara was created to be like Makoto, in personality and all. However, that really has no basis. I just think it's cool. 

Anyway, Scara was created for holding the Gnosis, right? So when Ei gave it to him, and he cried in his sleep, he got his Gnosis privileges revoked because he was “too fragile”. Why was he crying? There’s no definite answer, but I believe it is because the Gnosis gave Scara at least a glimpse into Makoto’s memory, more specifically her last moments in the Cataclysm. Which could be a cool Segway into Scara telling the traveler about that event but that's also not the focus here. Another theory is that Celestia is a bully and yelled at him through the Gnosis. 

Disregarding that, Ei was like “oh no” and took back the Gnosis and put Scara into an eternal sleep (Spoiler Alert: He wakes up) much to the chargrain of Yae, who thought it would be better to just destroy him. But Ei thought it would be ‘kinder to just let him sleep forever. One possible reason is that (going back to my previous theory) because he was inspired by Makoto, outright destroying him would be kinda like killing her sister again. Which is not fun. Either way, Scara ended up being put to sleep indefinitely or, as it felt like for him, was tossed aside like trash.

Waking up, X years after Creation:

We don’t have a definite time frame for how long Scara was asleep, but we can make an estimate. If we assume he was made within the first year Ei became an archon, that allows us to get the maximum time for him to be asleep. He likely woke up some time after Chiyo (Ei’s Oni Friend) went crazy, I would say that gives a 20-25 year maximum? But I’m not that good with assuming time so take that with a grain of salt. 

Now, why exactly Scara woke up is also not confirmed, but our best guess is something to do with the Ley Lines disrupting whatever magic was keeping him asleep. Speaking of magic, Scara at this point has all his magic divine powers sealed away. And along with that, he lacks emotions. Just a complete blank slate. This is because his “heart” was taken away. When he wakes up, he is completely alone in the world. At this point, Scara decides to take up the art of wandering, and wander around he did, exploring the land of Tatarasuna, Kannazuka (Ironically, he was a godly puppet abandoned in the place that means ‘land where no Gods reside’), where his story truly begins.

First Act, Kunikuzushi: 

When he was wandering, he was discovered near Nazuchi Beach by the Shogunate working at the Mikage Furnace, led by Mikoshi Nagamasa (The adoptive son of Chiyo) with his yoriki Katsuragi. Found by Katsuragi, he is taken in, and starts working with them, even performing a sword dance for the newly forged Daitatara Nagamasa with Katsuragi, which is commented to be one of the most beautiful ever performed. It was here that Scara witnessed the hearts of others, and began his longing to have one of his own. And speaking of Katsuragi, Scara grew close with him, describing him as a kind, young deputy. At some point, Katsuragi learns of Scara’s true nature, likely through the feather he wore (Plume of Luxury - Husk of Opulent Dreams) that proved as a connection to Ei. He is told to hide that from the others, because there is no knowing of what they would do if they found out. 

At this point, Scara had not taken a name, and is known only as a wandering eccentric. But misfortune soon struck. Some disaster occurred, whatever it was, one of the effects was a howling wind, which he can still hear if he covers his ears. Despite this, it was unnatural, and everyone was unprepared for it. Because of this, it seems their only option is to go to the Grand Narukami Shrine. Unfortunately for everyone, they can’t go, likely due to orders from Nagamasa, who wants to prove his worth after his family name was stained from Chiyo, well, going murder mode. Scara, wanting to save them all, attempts to sneak out and go, but is caught by Nagamasa, who there learns of Scaramouche’s nature as well. He instantly does not trust him anymore, since he believes Scara is a spy from the Shogun to make sure he isn’t doing anything wrong like his mother did. However, due to Scara being neither man nor mechanism, the only thing that he can do to punish him is lock him up. So now not only was everyone suffering, Scara was unable to do anything. 

However, a stroke of luck came from Katsuragi directly disobeying Nagamasa’s orders and secretly breaking Scara out, who hurriedly rushed to get to the Shrine. On his way to the harbor, he passed an ill child, who asked where he was going. He told the child where, and the kid responded that those people who left to there hadn’t come back yet. Scara could only smile at the kid when he left to save the others (When Scara would come back, he noted that the child was nowhere to be found). He truly believed he could save them, because, well, the feather he had was a proof of identity from Ei herself, surely that meant something? That Ei would surely come to his aid? 

However, when he got to the Shrine, he likely learned of how Ei had come to stay in the Plane of Euthymia, and thus would not help him personally. Yae reassured him, though, that Ei wouldn’t abandon him, but Yae herself would do her best to send help as fast as possible. This was good enough for Scara, who made his way back to the island, preparing to face the consequences of escaping, but also to bring the good news of help arriving. However, once he returned, he discovered that two people had died, not from this disaster, but because of Nagamasa himself. The two who died were Nozomu, who died from burn wounds taking the Daitatara Nagamasa out of the furnace where it had been cast, now renamed the Katsuragikira Nagamasa, after it was Katsuragi, Scaramouche’s first and only friend, who had been slain by Nagamasa in a fit of rage after discovering his misconduct. 

This sparked something in Scara, who instantly sought out Nagamasa. When he found him, they got into a fight. Nagamasa told Scara to “Not hold it against him”. Despite that, and the fact that we don’t exactly know the outcome, a reasonable inference would be that Scara did, in fact, hold it against him, and killed Nagamasa. This is where I believe Scara took on the name of Kunikuzushi, the country destroyer, as this is also where he pledged to destroy the Raiden Gokaden, the 5 bladesmithing families in Inazuma.

Before I go any further, the game says that the Raiden Gokaden was a plot by the Fatui. However, I do not believe this to be the case. The only one with a motive to actually carry out this plan would be Scara, as what would the Fatui have to gain from this? I believe this is the case of the player having more knowledge than the Traveler at this point, because we knew of the Raiden Gokaden incident and who caused it long before the Irodori Festival, where it was officially revealed. Plus, he introduced himself as Kunikuzushi, not Scaramouche or the Balladeer, which he would have used if he was with the Fatui. 

Why did he act like this then? Well, I have a theory that has little basis, but I think it would work. In Kazuha’s story quest, we meet a blade that had been warped by the Tataragami Energy held on Tatarasuna. While Tataragami has numerous horrible effects on people, Scara, being an artificial being, would be affected more like the sword, than a person, only receiving psychological effects, which could be why he swore revenge, as without emotion, why would he care? We know that the Tataragami Energy, when not contained, can affect the environment, so could the disaster that have been brought upon them be a result of that energy? I believe so, but again, not a lot of solid evidence. Just theory. Back to the main point.

After deciding that the best way to avenge his friend is through absolutely destroying people who had no connection to him, and who had no clue who he even was, Scara started killing. It’s not confirmed that the three arts that he completely eradicated were murdered, but considering how the one act we know for sure he did was murder a whole bunch of people and mess up their forging diagrams, we can only assume he did something similar.

 Before we move on to the 4th Art, let it be made clear that this was a bad move by Scara, because most of the reason why he even continued to do this plan in the first place was because he found it fun. Why dude??? Moving on, the 4th family that he was going to mess up was the Isshin art. Scara assumed that this would be the same as the last 3. It was not. As he was beating up and killing these people, one man was saved from a killing blow by his hat. When it fell off, the man was revealed to be Kaedehara Yoshinori, more widely known as Kazuha’s great grandfather. Scara stopped there, for some reason, recognizing the man. He asked if he knew Niwa, whom the man said was his father. Scara let him live after that, only stopping to tell his name.

 Why did he let him go? My only theory is that he could be a descendant of Katsuragi, as Katsuragi was an adult and could very well have had kids. However that is just theory as well. Most of the survivors there fled to Snezhnaya, where they were taken in by the Fatui (as stated before, I don’t believe Scara was a part of the Fatui now, but this could be a reason why he was). Scara stopped his revenge plan, leaving the last family untouched. While doing this, Scara evolved some sort of God complex, believing he is above all others, and that only he decides his fate, and nobody else dares meddle with it.

Second Act, Scaramouche: 

Scara gets approached by the Fatui on his travels. He finds them interesting, and funny to be around. As such, it would only make sense for him to join these mask wearing individuals. And so he did. Quickly, likely because of his status as a divine entity, Scara became the 6th Harbinger. He took a new name, leaving Kunikuzushi behind and becoming Scaramouche, and taking up the title of the Balladeer. But still, he desired a heart of his own. He desired the Gnosis. 

And the Fatui had an answer for that. A delusion. It could replace the hollow emptiness of his chest, and allow him to feel, and be whole. But that was a lie. It was like fitting a circle into a square hole. Sure it fit, but it wasn't proper. The only feelings he could feel was bitterness, hatred, annoyance, selfishness, not the good, kind hearts that he had been so jealous of in Tatarasuna. But a heart was a heart. If he took it out, he would be back to feeling nothing again. These feelings made him the least popular harbinger of them all. He could only barely tolerate the others when needed, and they hated him in return. None of the lower ranked Fatui even wanted to work with him. But he could care less.

 What he did care about, was his own power. Dottore was allowed to experiment on him, making him stronger, unsealing his powers, and going beyond his original capacity (And if we go with the Scara trans headcanon that is definitely when he got his totally legal top surgery). Now this was a payoff. Even if the matters he had to deal with bored him most of the time. 

In time, Scara was sent to Mondstadt to investigate the strange Meteorites that had fallen there. In his trip, he was unsuccessful in both of his attempts to kill the Traveler, who had been there by chance. Yet he did discover in his research the truth of this world. The sky is fake. In game there is no elaboration on this, instead he says his iconic line “so long, suckers” because he has parental controls still enabled and cannot swear. What is so special about the sky being fake? Well Celestia is in the sky, and the sky also reveals your fate if read by an astrologist. Scara could very well have stumbled into a plot by Celestia, which he perhaps was not meant to find. 

Either way, he reports back to Pierro, and is later assigned to handle the distribution of delusions on Yashiori Island to help with spreading the Fatui Agenda and just screwing up Inazuma’s fragile balance even more with the Vision Hunt Decree. This is where I believe Scara gets a dream. This dream, he had disregarded as a trick by Dottore, believing that he himself could not dream. But the dream was a vision of his past self, saying how he would finally attain the heart he desired, after the failed attempt with the delusion. Soon after, the Traveler would eventually break into the factory, where Scara was working. Scara was taunting the traveler, and almost killed him with the energy the factory was producing, before a blast from the past appeared.

 Yae Miko. The Traveler is passed out at this point, so we don’t know what exactly was said between the two, but what ends up happening is Yae Miko strikes a deal. The Gnosis for The Traveler, which Scara hastily accepts. It was all he ever wanted. He didn’t care for the Traveler at all. Without telling his coworker Signora, he flees Inazuma with the Gnosis, knowing that the Fatui will be on his tail for his desertion and betrayal. He ends up in Sumeru.

Third Act, Wanderer, and my beliefs on what will happen: 

Scaramouche is heavily linked to the Kabuki Theatre, in name, and in lore. In the Husk of Opulent Dreams set, it says that his life, like the Theatre, is divided into three acts. Signifying this, he casts aside his old names, Kunikuzushi because it does not suit him anymore, and his Fatui names, because he can no longer call himself one. Instead, he returns to being nameless, and simply calls himself a Wanderer. 

Another theory could be that the Gnosis factory reset him- making him how he was, forgetting his actions. But thats stupid. While I wish that playable Scara is electro (for the sake of I NEED TO NOT HAVE A 4 ANEMO TEAM), anemo Scara makes a lot of sense. I have always headcanoned his delusion to be anemo, so I guess I win there. 

I hope they have a good reason why he can’t use electro, like maybe his powers will be re-sealed or something. I do fear for Scara, as it seems like Dottore actually knows his every move. If that means that Scara is predictable, or if there is some sort of tracker or some tech that lets Dottore do it, it makes him pretty scary. 

If Scara does join the team, I think it will be like Childe, a mutual team up but not allies, you know? I feel like Scara definitely also knows about the Abyss Sibling, and that might make us inclined to help him. Perhaps when we first see him again, it will be the boss fight we all are hoping for, but after we beat him up, we realize what we have to do. I do hope that Scara doesn’t lose the Gnosis, but I feel like he will end up without it. 

But maybe he will find out how to be happy without a heart.

To sum this all up, I really enjoy Scara’s lore, and I hope that that was pretty obvious while I was writing this. Who knows? Perhaps in Inazuma, there will be a play inspired by the acts of his life, called the Kunikuzushi Scaramouche Wanderer, as per traditional Inazuman play name standards.

[aggressive-positivity-network]

do any of the mercs play board games?

Mercopoly (Board Game

Headcanons)

Scout:

You think he has enough of an attention span to play something that doesn’t involve sweating out his energy drinks?

Hell no!

He gets very bored very quickly, especially with something complex like chess.

He’ll play cards sometimes, but only Crazy Eights and Go Fish - that’s all he knows how to play.

However, there is one true board game he plays occasionally: Candy Land.

It’s one of the few board games that you don’t really have to read the rules for, and there isn’t any writing on the cards.

However, he only asks to play it when he’s not feeling very well.

Medic even has a page in his medical journal for the mercs that says, and I quote:

“The Scout has an extremely short attention span, and if an activity isn’t active or immersive, he will not stay long. If at any point he chooses a sedentary activity, a check-up is in order.”

As sad as it is, a request to play Candyland is a good way to know if Scout needs a little extra reassurance or support.

By the end of the game, Scout usually feels more himself, whether he wins or not.

Engie is especially good with Scout when he’s this way, being the one of the most emotionally sensitive of the group. But he also knows Scout would never admit straight-away how he was feeling, so he usually has a more fun way of getting answers.

“You feelin’ more like a King Candy or a Lord Licorice?”

“...Fudge Monster.”

“That bad, huh?”

“Yeah...”

Spy:

If you ask him, he will most likely go off on a tangent about chess, and how it’s a game of strategy, deception, and crushing your enemy with your wit.

He scoffs at any other game, and constantly makes fun of several of his more intelligent peers for finding interest in them.

“You are mercenaries. Blood-thirsty killers of men. And you are playing ‘Hungry, Hungry Hippos’ like a hoarde of kindergartners?”

But one thing he cannot resist is Sorry.

He considers it above normal board games because it has strategy - or at least that what he says.

He actually just likes it because it’s a game of revenge, which is like a drug to him.

He’s gotten so good at it that if he asks you to play Sorry with him, it’s almost guaranteed that he’s mad at you and just wants to let off some steam by giving you a horrendous loss. However, occasionally, he’s the one who loses.

Spy isn’t a poor sport, exactly - he’s too cultured for that - but sometimes his pride outweighs his manners and he convinces himself that the other player cheated through made up signs of deception.

He simply “allows” them to win because he “doesn’t want to make a fuss.”

But god help the unfortunate soul who decides to rub their win in his face.

Sniper had won five games in a row, and it was clear Spy was getting hot under the collar.

Sniper ended their games with a mischievous, “You’ll get ‘em next time, tiger.” and a small pat on his shoulder.

Spy immediately saw red, grabbed Sniper’s hand, and before the aussie knew it, he was against a concrete wall with a butterfly knife to his throat.

“I could kill you right now. Your final cry for Medic will be drowned in blood, and I would leave you here to die a painful, dramatic death. You’ll be replaced with a rusted trash can of a bot until they could grow another clone of you. Every memory will be gone. The team will be shrouded in grief, not because of losing you, but losing what the clone can never have. And I shall bide my time, ask the clone to play the same game, and kill them when they win. Another clone, another kill. And again. And again. And again. You think the Manns give a damn as long as their work is getting done? You will never be able to form a single thought before I spill your blood - caught in an eternal prisoner’s dilemma where you always lose.”

After gathering his bearings, Sniper finally spoke.

“Is this about your takeout?”

Spy scoffed.

“Do you really think - !”

“Tonight, my treat if you don’t kill me.”

Spy squinted.

“Egg rolls?”

“And an extra order of crab rangoon.”

“Your treat?”

“Yep.”

“How do I know you won’t poison me?”

“Chemical test before and after the food arrives.”

“How do I know Medic isn’t in on it?”

“Miss Pauling as a witness and Scout as an overseer. Pauling’s main objective is to keep us alive, and Scout can’t do bloody anything subtle, even if he wanted to. You can also play back the cameras in the lab, if the mood really struck ya.”

Spy held Sniper against the wall for a minute or two while he thought it all over, then let Sniper fall to the ground.

“I don’t need your sympathy, bushman. But you had better keep your end of the deal. I am the only backstabber around here.”

Demo:

Can’t even stay awake long enough to play most board games.

On the rare chance that he’s sober, he, Engie, and Medic like to play Monopoly.

Here’s the thing: you should never ask a drunkard, an engineer, and a sadist genius to play Monopoly together. It will not end well.

They have been playing the same game for years, with new rules in place and physical extensions to the board in order to try and end the game. Every other Friday, they take the weekend to try and finish it.

However, it all ends up fruitless.

Demo is usually the one keeping the peace, since he is the least competitive out of the three. That isn’t to say he isn’t clawing for the win as much as the other two, but he is definitely the least invested. He’s mostly staying out of principle.

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned, ‘s ta ne’er give up, e’en when the goin’s gettin’ tough. Roll the dice, doc.”

Despite his confidence, he’s not even sure what he would do if he or anyone else won. It would seem more like a relief than a celebration.

Medic:

He’s the one who started the Eternal Monopoly game, which has led to some theories that the game itself came straight from hell, and is one of the many punishments used on sinners. The box does smell a bit of brimstone…

He seems to enjoy the chaos that each round brings and the challenge of coming up with new rules to the game. To any outsider, his commentary and directions are complete nonsense.

“According to zhe ‘Calvinball Rule,’ as stated by Engineer, and the ‘Double Kill,’ as stated by myself, since the current time ends vis a three and ve all received at least two kills zhis veek, ve need to double every other roll and whomever loses zhe resulting game of ‘Bim Bum’ vill have to go to zhe Purple Jail.”

The rules and mechanics are like an unholy amalgamation of Monpoly, Sorry, chess, D&D, Bluff, and poker.

However, when Medic isn’t stapling pages of rules together, he likes to play a nice, relaxing game of checkers with Heavy.

Both of them are excellent checker players, but neither of them care who wins.

In fact, they usually talk over the game, taking the other player’s pieces as one of them shares a story from that day’s battle.

They’ve even played while Heavy was in surgery - leading to many unfortunate times when Medic had to fish a piece out of Heavy’s intestines.

One would think that a genius doctor would also have a passion for chess, but he expresses his disdain for it almost every time the checker board is brought out.

“Ach, people think chess is such an intelligent sport. Let me tell you, liebling, it is terribly overrated. If zhe devil can play chess, anyvun can. He might as vell just give souls avay, vis those shaky claws of his.”

Engineer:

Being the engineer, he is usually the one to add to the Eternal Monopoly.

Pieces, board extensions, cards, trivia - it gives him a nice break from all the weaponry.

He’s usually the one who remembers all the mechanics and rules, and serves as the judge if rules contradict each other.

“Alright, now let’s see here…we’ve got the Infinity Loop over here, but now you’ve got the Time Travel card…how many years? Infinite? Ho boy…looks like I’m gonna have to add a Hilbert’s Hotel square somewhere. Hold on…”

Despite his affinity for Eternal Monopoly, Engineer will play almost any board game. He learns new rules and figures quickly, and enjoys the challenges that brings.

However, if he’s particularly burnt out, he likes to take a break by playing Jenga. He and Spy have a friendly rivalry, since Engie can tell which blocks are supporting and Spy has quick fingers.

Spy, oddly, is a lot more amiable losing in Jenga - he knows Engie won’t think less of him - but Engineer hates when the bricks fall over. Not because it means he lost, but because, to him, it’s a failure on his part…even if it was someone else that knocked it over.

He’s made several blueprints for the perfect Jenga game, but has concluded that no human hand could put it into practice.

During one particularly bad day, Engie bumped the table, causing the whole column to come crashing down. Spy had already recovered from the noise, but Engie was still standing there, stone-faced.

His eyes were covered by his goggles, but it was clear he was crying.

Several of his machines had broken on the job, and to him, this was just another egregious mistake.

Spy carefully put the blocks back in the container, and Engie came to his senses.

“I’m real sorry, Spy. Maybe another time…?”

Spy only nodded. He was thinking.

The next time they played, Spy brought out a different container.

Instead of wood, the bricks seemed to be made of a sturdy foam.

“They fall a bit more…quietly,” Spy explained. He dropped one, and it only made a small bouncing sound. “Pyro uses these, but they allowed me to borrow it.”

Engie was a bit skeptical at first, since it was a new material, but he got the hang of it rather quickly. He was almost ecstatic the first time it fell - the blocks barely made any sound at all!

After a few games, Spy had to leave for an assignment. Engie put a hand on their arm.

“Thank ya, Spy. Maybe you ain’t the cold-blooded backstabber I thought you were.”

Spy chuckled, but said little else. He didn’t want to admit that noise sensitivity plagued him as well.

Pyro:

Pyro loves board games, and has quite the collection in their room.

Each plastic piece is at least a little melted, and all the boxes have two or three scorch marks.

Hungry Hungry Hippos, Candyland, and Uno are among her favorites.

He is an absolute beast at Uno, though.

They take each game very seriously, especially when they can convince the whole team to play.

As you can imagine, it’s pure chaos - it even led to a rule in the Merc Guidebook: “When playing Uno with three or more players with the inclusion of a Pyro, at least one Mann Co. representative and/or a mediating Medic must be present.”

Pyro has been known the hide cards, bribe players, or even try to set flame to competition. Playing Uno is almost like a mission, with weapon preparation and Spy posing as other players.

The mercs even have a betting stand that Sniper runs. All parties have lost a lot of money that way.

It’s pretty much the only time outside of battle that the team remembers how cruel and malicious Pyro can be.

Sniper:

Conventional board games aren’t exactly his forté, but he does enjoy a bit of cards every once in a while - Solitaire being his favorite.

He even has a pack of cards in his Sniper Square for that exact purpose. It allows him the pass the time without having to look away from his targets too often.

On occasion, he could be pressed to play poker, but only if the stakes weren’t monetary (i.e candy pieces, crackers, duties, etc.).

His favorite part of every match is shuffling the cards. Pretty much every merc could shuffle cards, but Sniper could make them almost float with how quick his fingers and wrists moved. He always began the game with a new trick he learned, which delighted his fellow players (usually Spy, Engineer, Medic, and Demo).

You could always tell if he had a busy day because he would avoid tricks with too much movement, which would be murder on his sore fingers and hands.

Pyro is currently learning card tricks from Sniper, and show off what they learn at the beginning of every Uno game.

Heavy:

He isn’t a huge fan of the bright, plastic-y board games that Pyro has, although he will play them if asked.

It’s mostly because of how complicated the rules are and the fact there are almost never a Russian translation for the directions.

He always prefers checkers, cards, or mancala, which he almost exclusively plays with Medic because he’s the only one who speaks fluent Russian.

Heavy can play a mean game of mancala, though, and it’s the only game he can beat Medic at.

Soldier:

The only games he will play are Battleship and Uno - but only after Miss Pauling convinced him it was “American enough” because the game had red, white, and blue cards.

He prefers the electronic Battleship because of the sound effects and voices. However, if it’s out of batteries, he’ll make his own sound effects.

Miss Pauling is the best at pretending to be a commander, so she’s usually the one playing with him - but, sometimes, Demo gets in on the action, too.

[lexacoolfox]

I saw your bio about angel of death too!! May i request nagito X s/o who's like zack!!:D I hope i don't bothering you and have a nice day^^♡♡

Yes finally! Also your not bothering me, and thank you for wishing me a nice day! Your such a sweet heart adelia-Chan!

Nagito with a S/O like Zack!

Now it is modern time, you probably aren’t a murder but you can be, um…problematic.

You liked to beat people up when the looked to happy or mad. It made you feel good.

You obviously laughed like a mentally insane person when you did.

Now on the first day of school you saw a boy with white hair looking way to happy, he looked like a good target.

He noticed you right away and introduced himself with that smile, he sounded so joyful while doing it. That just made you want beat him up even more.

“Hello I’m Nagito Komeada!”

“Hey Komeada. I’m S/O. You got three seconds to run.”

The last part you said with a dark tone. He looked at you confused.

“Um…why would I need to run?”

“Cause you look way to frickin happy, makes me want to beat you up! I like to give people a fair chance to try to run away. As long you beg or scream for me not to hurt you to bad! I love seeing fear on my victims faces! Gets my blood bumping!”

He softly chuckled.

“Oh I’m not going to run away. I’ll let you do it. Come hit me! An ultimate like you hitting trash like me is an honor!”

You stumbled back and leaned by a nearby trash can and threw up.

“Man is something wrong with you. That’s the most messed up thing I’ve ever heard. You not running away or begging for your life. it makes it no fun. See ya later weirdo, I going to class I guess.”

Unfortunately (or fortunately) you both had the same class.

So you really couldn’t escape him, you had to listen to him insult himself and his thing on hope. Which kinda annoyed you.

You interested him and he wanted to get to know you. Like what your hobbies, your goals, or why do you like to beat up people who look happy.

“Is there a reason why your following me like a lost puppy?”

“Your interest me. Just pretend I’m not here.”

You saw a group of girls. They were laughing at another girl. They poured milk on her and laughed even louder. This brought back a memory from your childhood. A very bad memory.

You feel into a rage. You ran and proceeded to beat these girls to the point where they were knocked out. You turned to the girl who they were bullying you held out a hand for her to grab. You helped her getting up, patted her head then walked away.

Nagito followed close behind. You forgot he was following you. You went somewhere quite with a low chance of other students walking by. Then you grabbed him by the neck and shoved him against the wall.

“You better not tell anyone about anything you saw! Or else your gonna end up worse then those girls!”

“Oh I was never going to tell anyone anyway!”

“You better not be lying! I hate liars more than anything!”

“I’m not lying.”

You looked at him in the eyes. He was completely honest. You let him go.

“I thought it was kinda cool to see you standing up for that girl.”

“I wasn’t doing it for her. I was doing it cause it reminded me of something. Something I’d rather forget.”

“Even though, your speed and strength was amazing to see in action. You also held such passion in your eyes.”

You started angry mumbling not because he was annoying you but your were honestly embarrassed, you weren’t used to hearing much praise.

One day your class decided to have a party, you don’t know how they convinced you. But they did, you didn’t listen to the details just the time and place.

The party was a bonfire party.

Once you arrived you were the last one to arrive, they started off the fire. To where you started internally freaking out. Also frozen in fear.

At some point you were escaped into the back of the woods, Nagito noticed and went to follow you. He heard you near by. You found you punching a tree while yelling. You hade to stop cause of your hands

You wore bandages all over hands, shoulder, arms, and up your back a little, from a incident from a long time ago. You heard a twig snap.

“Who’s there! Show yourself!”

“Oops looks like I’ve been spotted.”

“Ugh! What’s with you and following me!”

“Well I noticed you left the party. I just wanted to know why.

He said sitting on a tree stump. You lean against a tree.

“Don’t tell anyone this. But. I’m scared of fire.”

“Oh. Well, how about we go to a near by gas station. We can get some snacks!”

“I don’t have any money.”

“Don’t worry I’ll pay.”

You weren’t saying no to free food. You guys got a couple of snacks and went to a nearby park to sit on a bench.

You actually had a nice conversation with Nagito. You actually were laughing a lot. For the first time ever somebody smile didn’t want to make you beat them up. Nagito smile made you smile.

You developed a crush on Nagito.

You treated him different from then on.

No threats were thrown his way from you. You didn’t mind when he talked to you. Anytime somebody gave him a nasty look for saying something. You punch your hand against your palm as a sign. You often lean against him when he talks to somebody. Anytime he says an insult to himself, you put him in a headlock and start giving him noogies while saying “why do you keep saying that! Do you got some screws loose Huh?!” You could say it’s tough love. Everbody knew you had a crush on Nagito. But you were to dense to notice your own feelings and Nagito was to oblivious to notice your change in behavior. Surprisingly you and fuyuhiko had a kinda Frenemy thing going on. You two acted like you hate each other, which you do. but you two had a lot in common so sometimes you got along. He’s the one to point out your feelings

“When you going to tell Nagito you like him?”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“It’s so obvious you have a crush on him. Which is kinda weird.”

“What’s a crush?”

He gave you a shock looked. Then called you an idiot. He explained a crush and then it made sense to you.

“So…how do I tell him.”

“Just tell him. Unless your a chicken.”

“Shut up! I’m not a chicken! I’ll go tell him right now!”

You stomped away looking for Nagito to tell him. You found him being Ganged up by some guys. You beat all of them up. Some puked from your punches, some passed out, some ran away. You picked up Nagito and threw him over his shoulder and started walking away with him.

“Um s/o can you let me down? I can walk on my own.”

“No.”

You went back to your place and threw him on your couch.

“Thanks for saving me back there. I didn’t think you would save me like that.”

You flicked him in the forehead.

“Of course I saved you. I love you dummy.”

He blushed at the sudden confession.

“I love you too.”

You blushed and pulled him to your chest. You cuddle him, so you guys are now a couple.

Here somethings you do now your a couple

You are always touching him in someway, simple hand hold, hugging, leaning against him, just anything works.

Your like his own personal bodyguard.

He helps you with your bandages when you need to change them.

He comforts you when there’s fire.

You give him random small kisses.

Everybody and anybody is too scared to flirt with Nagito.

When you two are anywhere like a booth at a restaurant. You have you arm wrapped around Nagito shoulder.

After a long time. You told him things about your childhood, which he understood and helped you deal with your trauma.

Bonus: for this to make sense. I ship fuyuhiko and Peko.

You noticed how fuyuhiko acted around peko. You and Nagito decided to play match maker.

Nagito invited fuyuhiko to a cafe to hangout. While you did the same with peko.

They arrived at the cafe both texting you asking where you were. Both of you texted something came up with your significant other so you couldn’t make it. They spotted each other and decided to hangout. Just according to plan. you and Nagito where wearing disguises to watch them. Nagito went up to their waiter after he took their order, saying he’ll pay for them.

When they learned that somebody payed for them and the waiter pointed who. They realized it was you two. You practically grab Nagito and made a mad dash for the exit.

Later that night you got to listen to a mad fuyuhiko, while receiving passive aggressive text from peko.

“Why you so mad? I’m just helping you out. I mean you helped me and Nagito get together. I’m just returning the favor.”

“What?! Are you implying I have a crush on peko! What gave off that idea?!”

“A lot of things gave off that idea. C’mon you like her. Don’t be a chicken.”

“I hate you!”

“The feelings mutual. Just go for it.”

“You don’t tell me what to do-“

You hung up. You put your phone on silent and went to sleep. Luckily it was Friday so you didn’t have school the next day. So they couldn’t bother you about it.

[avengersassemble-fics]

Stark Legacy

part 02/?? "the same fucked up past"

master list

previous part // next part

word count 5.3k

Okay so… Maybe you went a little too hard last night. This headache that you’ve been fighting the last thirty minutes was killer, and the sunlight that peeked past your curtains and into your eyes was not helping. You were so out of it, you swore you could smell bacon. Which could never be the case, it was just you here - and that’s what made your eyes open. You were suddenly hit with the memories of the previous day, and you sat yourself up to stare at the door.

No yeah that was totally bacon you were smelling. You rubbed your hands over your face and flung the blankets off your body, not even wanting to know how you got in here last night. You stripped out of your day old clothing and jumped into some jeans and a random shirt before preparing yourself for what you were about to walk out to.

You pulled your door open to find your living room tidy and put together, and in the kitchen your eyes landed on the backs of Sam and Bucky. They were hovering over your stove and talking amongst themselves, but as you came closer you could make it out more as arguing. You were more focused on the full pot of coffee begging to be drunk (by you specifically).

“Just let me make them sunny side up!” Sam told Bucky as you came up behind them.

“I’m telling you, you gotta have a little bit of crunchiness around the edges,” Bucky argued back. “That’s the best part.”

“I hate to say it but he isn’t wrong,” you said as you opened a cabinet to grab a mug. The two men glanced at you just as you began pouring yourself a hefty cup.

“See?” Bucky said to Sam who all but huffed.

“Thanks for having my back,” Sam mumbled your way and you hummed as you passed him to grab a seat on a stool.

“What is all this anyway?” You asked as Bucky plated a couple eggs and a piece of toast. He turned around and placed it in front of you and held your gaze for a moment before turning back around to repeat the process. You raised a brow at the two men, then grabbed the fork and cut into the eggs. “Thought you two would be gone by now.”

You missed the shared glance between them, you were too busy shoving some food into your mouth. But as you chewed and looked back up at them they faced you together, and you knew that look on their faces, and started shaking your head. “No-”

“Come on, (Y/N),” Sam tried to reason again. “We’ve got at least eight super soldiers out there. We need all the help we can get.”

“Can’t you track down Strange or someone who, ya know, wants to help?” You asked and took a sip from your cup. “Besides, I have very important things here.”

“Is that right?” Sam asked and you gave him a small mhm before going back to your plate. Just as you were about to dig into the other egg the plate was pulled away from you, and you raised your gaze up to meet Bucky’s stare.

“You’re bullshitting,” Bucky stated. You narrowed your gaze at him.

“You’re annoying,” you challenged. Bucky huffed and leaned forward towards you, and you shifted back in your seat.

“You owe me a favor,” Bucky told you. You shook your head at him and sighed.

“You’re really bringing that up?”

“Yeah I’m bringing that up,” Bucky countered. You held his gaze for a few more moments, while Sam watched the exchange from behind. You finally blinked at Bucky and rolled your eyes.

“Fine, but give me the plate back,” you asked and after a few seconds Bucky slid the plate back to you and you grabbed it and went back to cutting into your eggs. You were almost completely sure you were going to end up regretting this decision, and for still owing Bucky this favor.

It’s been awhile since you’ve had to pack for a mission, you really didn’t even know where to start. Sam had filled you in on everything they knew so far. Eight confirmed, though there could be more for all they knew. They had followed up on a lead before coming your way but it wasn’t something he wanted to talk about. And he also filled you in one this new Captain America.

“So.. You’re officially out of leads?” You asked and Sam nodded while you shoved some clothes into a bag. “What about Walker? Think they have any information?”

“Even if they did, we are not teaming up with those two,” Bucky interjected as he came into your room. You could tell he was antsy, ready to get a move on. You ignored him though and zipped your bag closed. “Besides, Walker doesn’t have any leads.”

You could see Sam’s face scrunch up a bit as he stood to level with Bucky, and you raised a brow at the two. Was this going to be an everyday thing?

“I know where you’re going with this, and the answer is no,” Sam told him and Bucky shifted and leaned closer and lowered his voice.

“He knows all of HYDRA’s secrets. Don’t you remember Siberia?” Bucky asked and you fought back the urge to twitch at the mention.

“Okay Tweedledee and Tweedledumb,” you cut them off and they looked your way. “Anyone wanna fill me in on who you’re talking about because I know you’re not talking about the man who used my parent’s death as a revenge tactic-“

Bucky’s face fell into a straight frown and Sam looked at him like he was ashamed as well. You sighed and shook your head. “No, of course you would suggest that.”

“I’m just playing devil’s advocate here-“ Bucky started and you scoffed.

“Doing more than just playing,” you mumbled and Bucky huffed.

“But he’s the only lead we have right now.” Bucky finished. The two looked at you as if waiting for permission and you closed your eyes and let out a deep sigh. You were already regretting your decision.

“Fine. Let’s go see Zemo.”

You didn’t like this one bit. Bucky had gone to see Zemo a few hours ago, and here he was trying to talk Sam into breaking him out. Thankfully, Sam was more sound minded then Barnes was. They argued back and forth (this really was going to be a daily occurrence) while you sat on a bench in whatever creepy dark warehouse you were in. You snacked on a packet of fruit snacks you hid in your pocket from home, and watched the two men bicker amongst themselves.

At this point you were just along for the ride.

“Have you lost your mind?” Sam asked and you held back a laugh. You wanted to answer that on a dime and cleared your throat quietly. But the glare Bucky sent your way let you know he heard you. Good.

“We have no leads, no moves, nothing,” Bucky tried to reason and you watched him shift his balance and look your way. “At least I’m trying to help.”

“By breaking out one of the most dangerous men in the world? Who single handedly broke up the Avengers? Yeah, so helpful,” you said and shoved your trash back into your pocket before standing to join them.

“We have eight super soldiers that are on the loose, in case you two forgot,” Bucky said and you crossed your arms.

“We haven’t forgotten, but Zemo is gonna mess with our minds, especially yours,” Sam pointed out to him. “No offense.”

“Offense taken,” Bucky said in a low tone. “Super soldiers go against everything he believes in. He’s crazy, but he has a code.”

“Well at least you two have one thing in common,” you said below your breath, but the look Bucky gave you let you know he heard you, again. “Let’s not forget he blew up the UN and killed King T’Chaka in the process, and framed you for it. Oh yeah, and used my parents death as a revenge tactic, and showed the footage to my brother and I. Didn’t think you forgot that by now, or what about the Wakandans? They definitely haven’t forgotten.”

“Look, we get why this matters to you,” Sam cut in, almost taking a step in front of you to block you off from Bucky’s view. “But it’s pushing you off the deep end.”

“We don’t know how they’re getting the serum, or how many of them there even are, Sam.” Bucky tried to reason, and you scoffed.

“Aww, can’t handle a couple tough guys, Terminator?” You asked and Bucky huffed.

“Will you two stop with the nicknames already? I don’t understand most of them anyway,” Bucky said and you shrugged.

“That’s what’s fun about it,” you suggested and Bucky rolled his eyes.

“Just hear me out, okay?” He asked. You stood there and listened to an elaborate plot of breaking Zemo out of his containment, and you couldn’t help but wonder what you were dragged into.

“I don’t like how casual you’re being about this,” Sam said and you nodded in agreement.

“It’s unnatural,” you agreed and Sam nodded with you and Bucky’s face fell.

“Is this how it’s going to be? You two teaming up on me?” Bucky asked and you shrugged.

“Probably,” Sam and you said at once. Before anyone could get another word out the doors to the warehouse were pushed open, and everyone turned to see a man’s back, who was closing the doors. When he turned around and took off his cap, your stomach folded. You looked at Bucky once more with a glare.

What an idiot.

“Whoa, woah, whoa,” Sam began to say and take a couple steps back.

“No, come on, listen-“ Bucky tried to reason. Sam looked back at Zemo and pointed at him.

“What are you doing here?” Sam asked and Zemo just shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly.

“I didn’t tell you because I knew you wouldn’t let this happen,” Bucky said and you shook your head and looked at Zemo.

“For good reason,” you said.

“What did you do, Bucky,” Sam asked and Bucky motioned back at Zemo.

“We need him,” Bucky stated and Sam came back to your side.

“You’re going back to prison!” Sam said to Zemo, who lifted his hands in peace.

“If I may-“ Zemo started to say.

“NO,” the three of you said in warning, and Zemo dropped his hands and listened to the bickering.

“When Steve refused to sign the Accords, you backed him. You broke the law, and stuck your neck out for me. All I’m asking is for you to do it again,” Bucky said to Sam before looking your way. “And you owe me, so you have no say in the matter.”

“Thanks for the reminder, Tinman,” you threw back at him. Bucky rolled his eyes and looked back at Sam, waiting for his blessing. Sam looked annoyed but finally sighed and looked at Zemo.

“If we do this, you don’t make a move without our permission,” Sam ordered and Zemo nodded.

“Fair,” Zemo agreed. You shared a glance with Bucky and shook your head at him.

“Okay Zemo. Where do we start?” You asked.

You couldn’t believe you were onboard a private jet, headed to an unknown destination, with the three biggest idiots you’ve ever met (well okay.. maybe second to a certain super soldier you did not want to talk about). You settled into your seat across from Zemo (please could someone end your misery) and looked out the window to the passing clouds, before a fuzzy feeling settled into your throat. You slid the blind close over the window just as Oeznik was offering you a drink, but before you could accept, Bucky took the drink from him.

“She won’t be drinking,” He told the older man, and you gaped at him.

“Says who?” You asked and Bucky handed the drink to Sam and sat opposite of him.

“Says me, as part of the favor you owed me,” Bucky replied, and started to search his pockets from something.

“My presence is the only favor you’re getting out of me,” you argued back at him, but he ignored you. You huffed and crossed your arms and watched Zemo pull out a small notebook, and your heart dropped.

That was Steve’s. And it seemed right as you noticed, the idiot beside you did too.

“Who is Nakajima?” Zemo asked. Bucky was up in a split second, snatching the book back and getting in the criminal’s face.

“If you touch that again, I’ll kill you,” Bucky threatened before moving back to sit in his seat across the aisle. Sam watched the exchange before meeting your gaze, and you shrugged. You had no answers for that.

“I’m sorry,” Zemo offered. “I understand that list of names. People you’ve wronged as the Winter Soldier.”

“Don’t push your luck,” Bucky warned and you looked across at Zemo. He offered you a smile and you shook your head.

“I don’t like you,” you told the Sokovian man. Zemo nodded and took a sip of his drink.

“Understandable. I’m sorry that you got caught in the crossfire,” Zemo offered and you blinked at him. “But it was necessary to share the truth.”

“By showing us a video of our parents being killed?” You asked a little too loudly. You had sat forward in your seat, and narrowed your eyes. “You’re the HYDRA expert. Tell me then, how do you think that affected me, hm? You think when I close my eyes at night that I don’t see that replaying in my head? You triggered that memory. You knew what you were doing.”

You stood from your seat abruptly and Zemo (probably everyone, but who cares) watched as you went to the back of the plane, and you locked yourself in the bathroom. You didn’t come out for most of the trip until there was a knock, and Sam’s voice spoke through the door.

“We’re landing soon, and we need you out here,” Sam said. You took a deep steady breath and unlocked the door and pushed it open, and it folded open to reveal Sam. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you told him honestly. Though he looked like he didn’t want to give the topic up, he nodded and motioned back to the front of the small plane.

When Sam and you regrouped, you watched Zemo picking through some outfits (where did he even get these?) before handing Sam one. It was an odd red and yellow suit, and Sam took it but raised a brow.

“What the hell is this?” Sam asked. Bucky was just zipping up a leather jacket that had his vibration arm exposed and you avoided his looks.

“That is your cover,” Zemo offered without, and seemingly picked another fit for himself. “We cannot simply walk in as ourselves.”

“All of us,” Bucky chimed in, and you knew he was directing that to you. You rolled your eyes and finally looked his way and crossed your arms.

“Just tell me the plan,” you said and Zemo looked to Oeznik, who disappeared around the small corner for something. Sam disappeared back to the bathroom, probably to change.

“Sam will become Conrad Mack, aka the Smiling Tiger. One of Selby’s usual patrons, while I remain as myself. James here, will enter as the Winter Soldier, and I’ll be offering his services to get us in with Selby.”

“Are you sure this is a good plan?” You turned and asked Bucky. Bucky was fastening a glove over his flesh hand and looked up for a moment at the wall. “Isn’t this what you’ve been working away from?”

“We need the information,” Bucky said coldly. You blinked at him as he avoided your gaze, and you looked back to Zemo.

“So what am I doing?” You asked. Oeznik came back around the corner with a black dress and you tilted your head.

“You are accompanying me for the evening,” Zemo said and you eyed the dress.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” you said as you eyed the silky dress. Bucky seemed to be paying just as much attention to the pick. For some reason, this changed his tune on letting you tag along.

“No, it’s too dangerous,” Bucky said and you gaped at him.

“Oh I can’t go but you can, and then go all Winter Soldier? That’s not how this works, Barnes,” you challenged and he faced you fully and got in your face.

“I’m saying that you need to stay put,” Bucky said. His low voice was almost a growl, and if you hadn’t been used to being outsized by a super soldier in the past, maybe this would’ve intimidated you. You looked him over and held his gaze as you leaned past him and snatched the dress from Zemo’s grip.

“Try and stop me,” you challenged. You turned around towards the bathroom, and just as Sam exited, you entered and relooked the door.

That was so… Weird. Right? You looked yourself over in the mirror and then looked at the dress in your hand. It was smooth to the touch, probably the same material of the dress you wore to that party Ultron crashed. You smiled a bit to yourself at the memory of that night, besides a murdery robot, you had met and got along with everyone well that night. Sam, Wanda, Thor… Natasha… Tony… Steve.

You cringed and shook your head. Pushing down the memories of that night, of those people really, you stripped from your comfortable clothes and into the satin black dress. When you could finally adjust it right, you smoothed the thin straps over your shoulders and looked yourself over in the mirror. The black form fitted dress stopped high on your thighs, and there was a cut out on the side that offered a little wiggle room for walking. You fixed your hair, touched up on whatever makeup you had on, and with a final glance you had to admit.. Zemo had taste, at least. You threw open the door and stepped out, only to hear the three of them fighting. Again.

“You didn’t tell me that part of the plan,” you could overhear Bucky saying.

“Buck, does it really matter?” Sam asked and Zemo nodded, in a fur collar lined coat. All together everyone looked… Okay, but separated it was a tad off. You blamed Bucky of course, if he hadn’t broken Zemo out this wouldn’t be happening.

“As far as I know, she can handle herself,” Zemo said and he straightened his clothing.

“He’s right,” Sam agreed and you finally decided to butt into the conversation.

“She can handle herself,” you chimed in, and they turned to look at you. If you were checked out, you didn’t notice. You had snatched the heels that were laying out for you, and with one hand you gripped onto Sam’s shoulder, and with the other you began to put the shoes on. “Besides, someone needs to keep you all in check.”

“We’d be fine without you,” Bucky tried to reason, just as you set both strapped feet back on the ground and met his gaze.

“First you want my help, then you don’t.. Starting to think I should just head back to the Netherlands,” you commented and Sam shook his head.

“No, ignore him. We need you,” Sam reassured you and you nodded in acceptance. At least someone wanted you around.

A light came on to indicate a descent from the sky, and everyone took their original seats. You ignored Barnes’ looks, and stayed mostly silent as the plane landed, and even as everyone walked side by side one another. To your right was Bucky, Zemo, then Sam at the end. You tilted your head to the side and felt a small crackle, and sighed at the released tension. Somehow, Bucky took it as an invitation to talk.

“Why are you so hard headed?” He asked quietly, as if to shield the conversation from the other two who were discussing Sam’s cover. “You couldn’t have just stayed on the plane?”

“I’m sorry, weren’t you the one who came to me for help?” You shot back at him and he rolled his eyes at you. You shook your head and looked back straight ahead. “But no, as soon as it became clear I’m Zemo’s arm candy, you changed your mind. Kinda misogynistic if you ask me.”

“I’m not trying to be misogynistic,” Bucky replied and sighed deeply. “I just thought you… Didn’t want to be reminded of doing this type of mission.”

You understood pretty quickly what he was implying, and honestly it made you even more mad. “You really want to talk to me about this, when you’re planning on engaging as the Winter Soldier?”

And with that… Bucky grumbled to himself and moved on from the subject. In the distance motorcycle lights began to form, as well as the headlights of a car, and everyone came to a stop in the middle of a road.

“No matter what happens, we have to stay in character. Our lives depend on it, there’s no margin for error,” Zemo instructed and you nodded a bit to yourself. This should be simple enough.

The ride in was ominous, the car silent as an unknown man drove the group to its destination. You were sandwiched in between Sam and Bucky, and you did your best not to meet the gaze of the man in the rearview mirror. This is fine, everything was going to be fine. The car came to a stop in the city, and everyone began to get out, and Zemo offered you his hand. Without hesitation, you took his guidance and he helped you out, and you walked by his side as the group made their way deeper into Madripoor.

God, it smelled bad.

There were guns and crimes galore, and you kept your eyes focused on Zemo’s head in front of you, Sam and Bucky trailing behind you. Zemo entered an alleyway that soon was filled with a bunch of people, and suddenly your hands were sweaty. Zemo came up along a bar and the man behind it turned around and looked everyone over.

“Hello gentleman,” he greeted and looked at Sam pointedly as you grzed Zemo’s side. “Wasn’t expecting you, Smiling Tiger.”

“His plans changed,” Zemo explained and rested his arms on the bartop. “We have business to do with Selby.”

The bartender looked at Sam again with an odd look on his face before giving him a short nod. “The usual?”

You watched as the bartender turned around and moved to a jar, and pulled out a snake. You had to fight back a grin, sliding one of your hands up Zemo’s arm, while the other grazed over your lips to hide the smile that so badly wanted to form. You met Bucky’s glance for only a second, whose pointed stare just screamed Winter Soldier mode. Either way, he didn’t look amused.

Zemo had a simple drink, while Sam was handed one with something from inside the snake floating at the bottom of the shot. The two men clicked their glasses together, and eventually Sam joined Zemo in downing his shot. The Bartender still looked unsatisfied, but moved on from the group. You were about to remove yourself from Zemo’s side when an unknown man came up behind you, sandwiched between you and Bucky, and looked at Zemo pointeedly.

“I got word from up high. You ain’t welcome here,” he informed your “partner”. You glanced at Bucky, then to Zemo who seemed completely unfazed.

“I have no business with the Power Broker, but if he insists, he can either come and talk to me, or…” Zemo motioned to Bucky by your side. You unlatched your hand from Zemo’s arm and held Bucky’s gaze. Deep down, you didn’t want him to do this.

“Or bring Selby for a chat,” Zemo offered. The man looked at everyone and disappeared, and you inwardly sighed.

“What’s a power broker?” You asked quietly and Zemo shook his head.

“Every kingdom needs its king, let’s just pray we stay under his radar,” Zemo said and you nodded a bit and looked over at Sam.

“Enjoy the drink, Smiling Tiger?” You asked and wiggled a brow at him. Sam was about to respond, he probably had a good comeback, when Zemo looked at Bucky with a more serious look.

“Зимний солдат,” (Winter Soldier) Zemo said in perfect Russian. “Атака.”

Just as a hand fell on Zemo’s shoulder beside you, Bucky was quick to move around you and grab the man’s arm, and step into action. He pulled the man from the group and with a glance at everyone, he engaged. You watched as he practically laid the man out in full force, before another charged at him. With another hit and kick, that one went flying into a third attacker. You couldn’t help but take a small step forward with the rest of the crowd, as Bucky just… Demolished anything that came at him. Another man was flung forward and Bucky reacted perfectly on time, and before you knew it he had a man sprawled out on the bar top right in front of you.

The audible sound of guns readying made everyone freeze as Zemo carried on his Russian to Bucky, keeping the act up. But your eyes didn’t leave the back of Bucky’s head. He dropped the man from the bar and slowly turned around and finally met your look. You wanted to say something, you’re not a total asshole, but you couldn’t. Not even when you felt someone’s hand move some hair from off your shoulder and expose your skin from behind. You sucked a deep breath in, but the man’s touch wasn’t on your long. Bucky’s vibranium hand was quick to snatch the perp’s hand from your neckline, and you could hear the crack and Bucky bent (probably broke) his wrist and sent him flying back.

You missed where the bartender said Selby would see everyone, you were too entranced on Bucky’s gaze. But Zemo was quick to redirect your attention, and off everyone went to meet his contact. You… You just couldn’t believe how easily Bucky fell back into that, and didn’t want to think about the fact you fell back easily into your past too.

So things did not go as planned, as many of the missions you go on unfold. Lucky for everyone, an unexpected old friend came to the rescue. Everyone else seemed okay with it, but what were the odds Sharon Carter was in Madripoor? Either way, you were glad to get out of these clothes, and Sharon was nice enough to lend not only a shower, but something normal to wear. Really it was a sweater like material shirt and some dressy pants to go with it, but it beat the dress and heels.

You had zoned out of the conversation occurring around you as everyone settled in. You let out a content sigh, maybe you could actually get some rest tonight-

“Look, you know the whole hero thing is a joke, right?” You could hear Sharon say and your eyes shot open, and you stared at the floor. “The way you gave up that shield, deep down, you must know it’s all hypocrisy.”

“He knows,” Zemo chimed in with his wisdom. “And not so deep down.”

“By the way, how is the new Cap?” Sharon asked and you looked up a little higher to watch the exchange.

“Don’t get me started,” Buck replied, and you watched as Sharon came around the couch to sit beside him.

“Please,” she scoffed. “You buy into all that stars and stripes bullshit. Before you were his pet psychopath, you were Mr America! Cap’s best friend.”

You couldn't help the fist that formed by your side. What the fuck was her deal? You couldn’t just sit here and listen to this. You stood from your place and everyone looked your way for the first time since this conversation started. You looked over all of them and shook your head, and without a word went to the door that you had come in from, pulled it open, and shut it behind you.

You had no destination in mind besides just getting the hell out of the building for some air. The boots you had on clanked through the halls, and eventually you made it back to the front of the building, where the two guards glanced your way for a moment before going back to whatever they were doing. You walked past them and turned down the sidewalk, just far enough away so you could lean against the wall and cross your arms.

You just wanted to be alone for a bit. But that didn’t last very long before you could see Bucky coming your way.

He didn’t say anything at first as he joined your side. You both stared ahead at the lit up skyline of Madripoor. It still smelled a bit, not as strong as Low Town, but enough to where you noticed it. Bucky slid his hands into his pockets and you could see him glance your way.

“Wanna talk about it?” He asked.

“Not really,” you replied. After a few moments you glanced his way, and sighed. He was putting in an effort… Maybe you could too. “I just… Don’t get it. How can she believe that after everything that’s happened? People died to get the universe back to how it was. But that’s bullshit to her?

“Natasha’s sacrifice was a joke? Vision was just a machine? Tony’s life didn’t matter?” You asked and Bucky watched as you worked your way through your thoughts. You blinked a bit, maybe to fight back some tears, but he watched you shake your head and lean back against the wall. “I get that her life was turned upside down. But she wasn’t the only one.”

“Maybe not,” Bucky replied and turned to you fully. “But people deal with things differently. Sam and I owe it to her to make it right, and her tune may change.”

You nodded a bit at his words and let out a small hum. Bucky looked your stance over and gripped his hand closed in his pocket. “Are you okay..? About tonight-”

“Tonight was fine,” you reassured him. “Besides, we should be asking you that.”

“It was nothing,” Bucky tried to say and you shook your head.

“I saw that look in your eyes, Bucky,” you said, averting your gaze back to the skyline. “You can say it didn’t mean anything, but I know it did. We have the same fucked up past. Like you said, I may be the only one who understands what’s going on in your head.”

Bucky couldn’t help but curse himself for implanting that thought in your head, and when he didn’t move to talk about how tonight really made him feel, when you both did return to the rest of the group, the thought lingered in his mind. He so easily went into the Winter Soldier mode, it was too natural. And he couldn’t help but worry about that, but also how easy it may be for you if something triggers that repressed memory of the Phantom program. Sooner or later he knew the Wakandans would come, and if he could get back in their good grace’s… Could they help you too?

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