#highly highly recommend to literally everyone

[authenticbunni]

The Key to The Void State

“I don’t know why I never get into the void state, I always relax and affirm. Idk what I’m doing wrong”

if you’re thinking this way, I know the key to helping you and what you’re doing wrong…

You’re doing absolutely nothing wrong. Everything you’re doing is completely correct. You are doing the correct steps. Don’t change anything about your routine, it’s perfect.

(This is not for everyone, just for people that struggle with focus)

But if you still think you’re getting stuck then maybe it’s a problem with your focus. Let’s say yes, your body is completely relaxed like you can’t even feel it. First part complete, that helps with directing your awareness to your 4D. Yes, you’re affirming you’re tapped into the void, prefect. But maybe you’re still thinking about your surroundings. You keep thinking about that fan or A/C on, every sound wave coming from the meditation/subliminal.

“But I just can’t help it, I don’t know how to stop focusing on it. Sometimes I forget about my surroundings but then they come back to my awareness, how do I stop?”

I deal with the same problem, and I deal with it the way I saw it on Reddit. Redirect that focus on being in your surrounding to thinking about your surroundings slowly fading away from your awareness and you inducing pure consciousness. Just think about literally just being, purely in your conscious mind. Simply pure consciousness

Think about the sound of that fan slowly fading away, and that subliminal or meditation get quieter and quieter to silence.

Then bam you’re pure consciousness 🤯

An affirmation I tend to repeat that I got from Isha Kriya meditation (highly recommended) is when you breath in say “I’m not my body” and when your breath out “I’m not even my mind.” Repeating those to myself make me remember that I���m in a state of being, I am nothing and everything.

THE VOID STATE IS AS EASY AS BREATHING

[iamthedukeofurl]

Okay, here me out Disco Elysium presents the ideal mechanical framework for a Star Trek game. Now, I want to be clear. The resulting game would NOT feel like Disco Elysium, this is a game about controlling a crew of highly competent professionals, not a single amnesiac with poor impulse control. The skill system is straightforwards, representing the various specialties of your crewmembers. The "Skills Talk to you" mechanic is just literal conversations you are having with the relevant specialists about the situation you have encountered.

The Disco Elysium RPG mechanics apply themselves quite nicely to a largely dialogue based game where you want to apply a broad set of skills to a variety of situations. So a dialogue might look like this KLINGON EXILE: Starfleet Scum! You face not an ordinary Bird of Prey. Ever since I was cast out by those honorless dogs on Qu'onos for daring to walk the path of a Klingon Warrior, I have scoured the galaxy for the weapons that will lead the Empire to it's glorious destiny! The destruction of a Federation starship will prove to all Klingons the fruits of my efforts and the Superiority of my designs! Prepare yourselvs for death! You [Empathy, Hard Failure]: This Klingon seems determined to prove his worth in battle. You don't see a good way to convince him this isn't a good idea. Lt Gearhead [Xenotech. Moderate Success]: Captain, scans show that bird of prey is outfitted with highly advanced weapons derived from multiple different technologies. His shields appear unaltered however.

You [Galactic Awareness. Hard Success]: You recall reports of attacks on experimental facilities, quarantine zones, and storage sites across the quadrant. If this klingon was the culprit, he has attacked everyone from the Romulans to the Orion syndicates in order to build his "Perfect Warship". Cmdr Fightsman: [Stellar Combat, Moderate Success]: "Those weapons will blow right through our shields I can't recommend a straight fight". Lt. Gearhead: [Starfleet Systems, hard failure] I could try to reinforce our shields, but I don't know if we could get them back up before the first attack. OPTIONS: 1: Convince the Klingon to seek more worthy prey [Diplomacy: Hard] 2: Attack head on [Stellar Combat, Legendary] 3: Boost Shields to weather the first volley [Starfleet Systems, difficulty unknown] 4: Attempt a fighting retreat until you can reach federation space [Stellar Combat, Hard] 5: Attempt to strike first and catch him off guard [Going Boldy, Hard] 6: Attempt a fighting retreat to lure him into Romulan space [Stellar Combat, Moderate] Now I presented a combat scenario here, but the key to Disco Elysium is that everything is resolved through dialogue. The same mechanics could apply to an ethical dilemma, a science mystery, or a holodeck game. A Star Trek game, especially one that positions you as a captain, should be mainly about talking to people and making decisions, not mechanical execution.

An inherent problem with the Star Trek concept is that any time people want to make movies or videogames about it, they always move away from what Star Trek is about.

Because Star Trek isn't very action focused or cinematic or tactile. They don't even really have guns, they basically fight by aiming laser pointers and just standing there. You're not gonna get sick action shooter gameplay from Star Trek. The best Star Trek episodes are the ones where no combat happens at all.

Because Star Trek wasn't made to be an action movie, or a videogame. Star Trek is a TV show, and everything about it was made for a long-form TV format, and a long-form TV budget. It's about character drama, and politics, and diplomacy, and encountering weird alien shit. It was built for characters making tough decisions, and going on Shakespearean soliloquies.

The only kind of game that would REALLY stay true to the spirit of Star Trek.... Would unfortunately be a Telltale style choose your own adventure game.

[pastafossa]

Just fyi, Train to Busan is one of my absolute favorite horror films, and easily my favorite zombie genre film.

FOR REAL THOUGH, IT DESERVES MORE ATTENTION. As far as I'm concerned it's the best zombie film out there. It is literally perfect And for anyone who HASN'T seen it, SEVEN REASONS WHY TRAIN TO BUSAN IS PERFECT AND THE BEST ZOMBIE MOVIE:

Perfect storytelling - pacing and plotline are all flawless.

Perfect character growth - everyone's got a symbolic arc, everyone is fleshed out as a person (even that HORRIBLE BUSINESS GUY, he's at least Fleshed Out evil), everyone is well-developed. You genuinely grow attached to all of our main characters (except those two bad guys, fuck them).

Perfect characters in general SANG-HWA MY BELOVED including the kid, which is amazing since a lot of movies just make the kid character terrible. But she knocked it out of the park. Also I'm a major simp for Sang-Hwa, he's husband goals.

Perfect symbolism??? The themes on class! Busan being a refuge/safe haven during the Korean war! The way that, unlike a lot of American zombie films where the brutal On Your Own guy is generally right, here teamwork and sacrifice for one another is lauded, and it's the only reason the people at the end lived - because of the sacrifices of those that loved them. Do not let go of one another when things get bleak. The way they manage to retain their humanity is so moving.

Our lead protagonist seeing who he was on the way to becoming in the bad guy. MASTERCLASS MOMENT.

AMAZING SHOTS, THE FUCKING SHOT OF HTEM CHASINGHT E TRAIN OH MY GOD, THE ZOMBIE WAVE WHEN THEY ALL CRASH TOGETHER, THE ZOMBIES IN THE DARK I JUST

Literally never cried so hard watching a zombie movie wtf

Everyone who can tolerate bloody zombie stuff should see Train to Busan, it's a masterpiece.

[benevolenterrancy]

May your hardened heart be woken By the soft and distant song Of all you left here unspoken All the shards we keep stepping on - Take this body home Take this body home Call the wind, and let her know Take this life outgrown Take this broken soul Call the stars, call them all And take it high, take it far, take it home

[brynn-lear]

for those who are looking which of these games have yandere endings, allow me to kindly add them in a read more :D

Cupid Parasite: Gill Lovecraft

The most consistent yandere-vibes from Lock's recommendations. Gill's I would say leans so much on pathetic sad dog yandere and irl stalker that the otome game community is very divided on him (and a majority of us are yandere/trash husbando fans lol).

You'll spend most of his routes looking at how much he's a loser (/aff) who simps for his former roommate. I mean, he's trying to get over you but the heavens might quite literally be playing with him— cause how can he move on when you're his matchmaker???????

Cupid Parasite is so silly and so fun, highly recommend for those who love romcoms.

Piofiore: Nicola (Bad End)

Note: don't search his name on google images cause one of the first things you'll see is his CG for the bad end. Do not spool yourself lol.

Oooh how I love this man. Him and Dante are my faves [and Roberto. Lord. I love Roberto so much why isn't he a love interest?!?!?]

I won't spoil much, but his bad ending is 🥰. Plus Piofiore is such a good game anyways, it's worth trying out. If you like mafia men that are trash and would definitely kill you in other routes (sometimes their own too aHEM MISTER CHINESE KEBAB)— this game is for you.

Olympia Soiree: Kuroba (Bad End)

Ngl I remember the yandere end for this one being relatively short, but Kuroba along with Byakuya are my faves so I didn't really mind. If you like your fics with some sort of "chosen one" flair to it, OS is for you <3.

Don't get it twisted though, the game makes it a point to show time and time again how much their color system destroys the people [definitely feels like a metaphor for racism-]

Even if Tempest: Crius Castlerock (Bad End)

TW: childhood abuse/neglect, cannibalism, straight up every route has murder since this is literally a Phoenix Wright fantasy otome game, blood, unending angst you can't escape from if you want to see a single good ending, etc. For the amount of girlbossing and (justifyable?) crimes the heroine had done [and lord she's such a pretty androgynous girlie], the game is very refreshing.

LOOK AT MY BABIIIIESSS 😭😭😭😭😭😭

If you love suffering, I highly recommend this game because the plot is amazing. It does not hold back as much. It's not like Black Wolves Saga's level of "dead dove: do not eat" but man will it surprise you.

Crius definitely feels overprotective even in routes outside his. As an older brother figure-esque, he has this tendency to help you out without question [this fact will hurt you later.] His bad end? I'm a simp. And I like the hurt it gives. 10/10. Also him in the fandisk is 🤌🤌🤌🤌. Everyone in that game is so loveable.

I play a whole lot of localized switch otome games and let me just say, he's gotta be part of my top 5— and some people on that list are there for nostalgia's sake (Hi Tokimeki Memorial). Crius is great. Much love.

Bonus route: Steam Prison - Fin Euclase

I shit you not, bro is a yandere in every route but his. I am not joking. The amount of Love Interests that had fallen from his hands— meanwhile in his route he's a struggling wholesome puppy just trying to survibe the underworld. I love him but I cannot be with him simply because I'm not content with just seeing him happy, I wanna see that broken side again /silly

I forgot to mention: I wouldn't say CxM has a yandere route [I say that as someone whose faves are Okazaki and Shiraishi, who keeps being typed as yanderes when they're deranged at best /j]

... Buuut there is a bad end where it feels like Hoshino/the MC is a yandere for our poster boy :)

lock's otome game recs

i received some asks indicating an interest in a compilation of my favorite otome games, so i decided to go for it!! i've played about fourteen otome games, but of those fourteen, only these six left a lasting impression on me. there are still some that i intend to check out, so the rankings may update in the future. i'll give a very general overview of each game and how i'd score the categories that i find the most important in an otome game — the heroine, story, art, enjoyability, along with the characters i liked the most.

number 6 - piofiore fated memories.

heroine: 6/10 story: 6.5/10 characters: 7/10 art: 10/10 enjoyability: 8/10 favorite characters: dante (ishikawa kaito), nicola (kimura ryouhei) and yang (okamoto nobuhiko)

this game centers around the heroine, with the default name liliana adornato, who finds herself entangled in the politics of the region's three most prominent crime organizations. the game has an italian backdrop and iirc, takes place in the 1930s.

the overarching narrative, while it has its fair share of intrigue, isn't the game's strongest point. it's the interactions with the characters themselves that made the game feel worthwhile. each love interest has more to them than what meets the eye, so it's satisfying to watch the relationship between them and the heroine develop.

the heroine takes a passive role throughout much of the game, events sorta just happen to her. still, she has a kind disposition that makes her likable and doesn't make stupid decisions that has you wanting to fling your console across the room. her characterization changes slightly depending on the route. for instance, without getting into spoilers, she's more assertive throughout yang's route. the resulting dynamic made yang's route the most memorable, even if he's my third favorite character from the bunch.

what feels unique to this game is the effort put into the bad endings. in most visual novels, bad endings can feel like gimmicks. you make one or two wrong decisions and you're rewarded with a few paragraphs. the downward spiral of the characters in the bad endings are decently fleshed out and you can see how they arrived at this 'worst' version of themselves. they're suitably dark and it shouldn't come as a surprise that i enjoyed them because of that 😭

then there's the art. it's stunning, the details in each CG are mindboggling. the heroine gets to wear a variety of pretty outfits which is something i like to see. even in the story's weaker moments, a stunning CG would pop up that had me forgiving everything. i still glance through the gallery to this day.

number five - cupid parasite.

heroine: 9.5/10 story: 7/10 characters: 7/10 art: 9/10 enjoyability: 9/10 favorite characters: ryuki keisaiin (junya enoki) & gill lovecraft (kimura ryouhei)

iconic. showstopping. a little bit camp.

cupid parasite stars one of my favorite heroines, lynette. she works as a bridal advisor whose ambition is to ensure everyone finds their soulmate. in actuality, she's the goddess cupid, who left her post in celestia to better understand humanity and create lasting pairs. she's a delight to play as.

this game's presentation and overall aesthetic is the most distinct from any otome game i've played. aside from the presentation, the story itself is unlike any of the others on this list. when it comes to romance, i typically prefer them to be dark and mature. this game opts for a more lighthearted approach. it vacillates between being a romcom and dipping into the absurdist genre. there were times i was literally left speechless (glances at gill's route)... but it makes for an entertaining experience. the game's plenty funny as well.

personally, i enjoyed the more grounded moments when the mythological elements remained in the background. because of this, the true ending doesn't do it for me as much as they do in other games. as with anything, this is a personal preference though. i liked all of the routes and found the game handles the development of each love interest well. we're introduced to these men at their most pathetic and get to help them become a little more well-adjusted. lowering the cringe meter, if you will. it makes their growth all the most satisfying as the narrative progresses.

number four - even if tempest.

heroine: 9/10 story: 8.5/10 characters: 8/10 art: 6/10 enjoyability: 9/10 favorite characters: the heroine herself, tyril i lister (noriaki sugiyama), crius castlerock (makoto furukawa) and lucien neuschburn (kaito ishikawa)

right from the get-go, this game's premise had me hooked. it features the heroine, anastasia (<3!), who leads an incredibly tragic life. she's bestowed the ability to reverse time following each of her deaths and uses this to unravel a mess of mysteries the world's setting is tangled in.

this game is absolutely anastasia's story. without spoiling anything, i loved the approach they took with the time rewinding ability. how it's incorporated is unique to an otome game, which they take full advantage of to amplify the tragic romances. on that note, the romance itself occasionally takes a backseat to the narrative as a whole. personally, i didn't mind this in the moment, since i found the story so interesting. in retrospect, i do wish that we got more moments between the heroine and each love interest, especially in the true ending.

there are more gameplay elements here as well. you have to conduct investigations, gather evidence, and apply what you've learned during these trial segments. when i first read about this, i thought it'd be a gimmick, but i liked playing through them. it incentivizes you to pay extra close attention to the world.

while i liked the narrative as a whole, i do wish we got more worldbuilding. there are hints of political subterfuge and religious oligarchy that, while touched upon, could've been leaned into more to give the setting a distinct feeling.

number three - olympia soiree

heroine: 8/10 story: 8/10 characters: 8/10 art: 10/10 enjoyability: 10/10 favorite characters: akaza (yoshitsugu matsuoka), himuka (shun horie), and yosuga (yuma uchida)

in olympia soirée, the eponymous heroine, olympia, lives in a society divided into castes based on colors. she is the last surviving member of a clan that can perform rituals to keep the sun aglow. this game is a lengthier title, i believe i clocked in around 25 ish hours (i don't use auto-play so that sheds some time). the story benefits from this, as olympia has rich worldbuilding and lore that's revealed throughout the route's progression.

we get to see the consequences of this caste system and olympia's growth as she becomes determined to realize a better future for the islands. this makes the heroine someone that you want to root for. personally, i'm a sucker for stories that center around a sheltered individual being forced to face the harsh realities of the world and maturing in their own way. this, paired with the struggles specific to this setting, make for a gripping backdrop for the character's routes. all the love interests have problems of their own that they need to address.

this is certainly a mature title, there's plenty of steamy scenes featuring gorgeous artwork. seriously... all the pretty CGs are absolute eye candy. i enjoyed the balance between the main narrative and the development of the romantic relationships, i don't remember ever feeling bored.

ironically enough, i think this is the darkest game from the bunch listed here, surpassing the game with actual horror elements. there's a whole litany of trigger warnings to be mindful of when going through the game's bad ends. they are, as the term suggests, Bad. not light or humorous in the slightest. the poor heroine goes through it. please be mindful of these more touchy subjects.

number two - 9 r.i.p

heroine: 8/10 story: 8/10 characters: 9/10 art: 10/10 enjoyability: 10/10 favorite characters: minami (nobuhiko okamoto), hibiki (shunichi toki), kureha (toshiki masuda), and koyo (ryota suzuki)

i was looking forward to the english localization of this game before it was even announced ... i'd been wanting an otome game with this vibe for ages. and it didn't disappoint! there are four different overarching story sections, with two characters each having their routes fall under them. this makes it difficult to give a summary since each route has a vastly different feel. some routes lean heavy into supernatural horror (such as hibiki and kureha), whereas others are just... supernatural (like with yukimaro and koharu).

the basic premise is that the main character, misa, is a high school girl burdened with her career survey. she's uncertain what she wants for the future and is being pressured by his mother to pursue a career in medicine. in one way or another, depending on the story section, she comes into contact with the afterlife and those who inhabit it.

i loved this game, i couldn't put it down. the routes that leaned heavy into horror were my favorites, which shouldn't be a surprise lol. i do feel some love interests were given preferential treatment of others, i wanted more from sena's storyline in particular, since he's voiced by one of my favorite VAs (tetsuya kakihara, the voice of scaramouche) 😭... apparently this game is receiving a fandisc, so hopefully they'll remedy that in the future.

minami stole the show for me. from what i've gauged online, he's a divisive character, you either find him grating or love him (like i do). i'm biased but i do think he has the most interesting and well-written story out of the love interests, i've played through it three times already. i just adored the dynamic between him and the heroine. he's petulant, selfish, and a bit immature, yet he goes to extremes for her as he realizes his unhinged feelings.

hibiki is a close second. the most yandere-coded of the bunch, he's soft-spoken and polite, but that exterior hides a creepy personality. like all of the characters in this game, there's a tragic element to him. i was worried about the role the heroine would play in helping him 'overcome' this, but i think they handled it well. it doesn't feel like the heroine's fixing him so much as she's helping him have a different perspective on certain events.

yeah i'm not normal about this game, i cannot recommend it enough. it would've taken the top slot if some of the routes were a bit more polished. i didn't care for yukimaro's at all, for example. routes like minami's, hibiki's, and koyo's more than make up for it though.

number one - collar x malice

heroine: 10/10 story: 10/10 characters: 10/10 art: 10/10 enjoyability: 10/10 favorite characters: takeru sasazuka (daisuke namikawa), kei okazaki (yuki kaji), and aiji yanagi (masakazu morita)

the holy grail. the otome games that died for our sins. this isn't just a good otome game, it's an excellent story, with a very human cast, commentary on issues like the nature of crime, and you're left wanting to solve the various mysterious as much as the heroine does. speaking of the heroine, miss hoshino ichika is my all-time favorite heroine. she's clever, resolute, compassionate, and you can't help but fall in love with her a little yourself 😭😭

i'm not sure if this makes sense, but the world feels very... full? you get this sense that ichika exists outside just interacting with the love interests. she has her career, friends, and her younger brother that act as more than passing NPCs. the writers ensured all the characters with portraits are given some level of depth. i left caring about more characters than the heroine and love interests.

each route is dedicated to working through a certain case, which keeps the story intriguing as you progress. finally, all of the little hints that have been littered throughout coalesce into the 'true' route, where questions you've had since the first chapter are given satisfactory conclusions. at the same time, you're left wondering about a few things, such as the complete philosophy of the main antagonist.

ichika's relationship with each of the love interests develops alongside the case they're investigating, which almost always have connections or parallels to the LI's past. this helped ground them in reality and flesh them out into dynamic characters. you come to care deeply about them alongside ichika. the romance feels earned and doesn't come on too fast, which some otome games suffer from.

if you like otome games and haven't played collar x malice yet, i fully recommend it!!!!!!!! it's the strongest title from what i've played so far.

[afterthelambs]

⚠️Spoilers for Look Back but I was initially confused about what Fujino and Kyomoto's relationship had to do with pursuing a career as a mangaka. After thinking about it, I interpret it as a narrative device to represent what will come when choosing to pursue art (of any form, whether it's comics, painting, animation, music, etc.).

Think about it, what's Kyomoto's role in the story? She is what got Fujino to take art seriously in middle school, and what motivated her to continue after she initially gave up. However, she's also the only thing in the story that makes Fujino wish she quit art. First, halfway through 6th grade and then later after her death. She serves as Fujino's motivator and de-motivator.

I think the scene of Fujino wishing that she never told Kyomoto to come out (that pursuing art only led to suffering) represents artists' regrets. We literally look back and see an alternate universe where Fujino never pursued art and it has a happier ending. Anyone that pursues artistic dreams will end up regretting it at some point. It's not easy, any artist will tell you that. The story is saying yes, you probably will end up healthier and more stable by giving up your dreams. Because art is suffering.

But then Fujino enters Kyomoto's room after reading the comic from the alternate reality and all of a sudden we get a montage of the happy memories and accomplishments they had pursuing their dreams together. And we realize that, everything we saw of them in the alternate 'happier' reality pales in comparison to this:

The happiest both of them look in that alternate world is when they finally meet and promise to work together someday. They loved art. They loved each other. Giving up on your dreams means missing out on all of that, and nothing in the world can replace it. Because yes art is suffering, but art is also joy and love.

And so the end of the story where Fujino goes back to work isn't her moving on. She tapes the comic strip in front of her to remind her of Kyomoto, to remind her of why she got into comics in the first place. Basically, Kyomoto IS art to Fujino. A life with her means experiencing both suffering and joy, while the life without her means having none of that.

I might be wrong about this, like maybe Fujimoto just wanted to tell a mangaka story with doomed yuri (valid) HOWEVER i like my interpretation so im sticking with it.

[anonymouspuzzler]

ghosts

[bxriles]

Lmao okay wait. I got asked that question about Feyre/Bryce/Aelin and I went down a lil rabbit hole and somehow ended up on a subreddit of people arguing over who would win in a fight if it were Feyre vs. Aelin.

And I am CACKLING right now because it seems like the bulk of people on that thread think Aelin would win, and the people who think Feyre would win are SO. UPSET. Like they are BIG MAD that anyone would think Aelin would win hahahahahaha

I'm cackling. I can't breathe I'm laughing so hard omfg. People really do 100% project themselves onto Feyre. They really think they ARE Feyre!!!!! I'm crying. Send help I can't breathe 😂😂

[trappedinafantasy37]

ACT 3 was one hell of a ride and I have finally completed the Shadowheart origin run! Now it is time to finalized this story. If you have missed the previous updates, check out Act 1 and Act 2.

WARNING: this gets pretty long. Again, it's a story. Some things are gonna be a little bit out of character and involve my own headcanons as I try to fill in the gaps of what isn't directly said in the game.

THE CITY AWAITS

After a long walk from the Shadowlands with Isobel and Dame Aylin, Shadowheart and Minthara finally made it to the city of Baldur's Gate! Shadow can feel that she is on the precipice of many conflicts and so many things are about to be resolved. Unfortunately, she can also feel that many of those resolutions may require violence. She has only recently turned from Shar and still doesn't really know what it means to be a Selunite. Sure, she's taken some guidance from Isobel and Aylin, but their journey with Selune is not the same as hers. They were not brainwashed to hate Selune and all that is good with the world, they did not have their minds wiped over and over so that they can be molded and shaped into the perfect hate machine, and they were not actively tortured by their goddess every time they had dirty and naughty thoughts like empathy and compassion.

Breaking decades of religious indoctrination and countering everything that you have ever known is a difficult and arduous process and not one that is done over night. It isn't easy and it takes an incredible amount of effort. But, no matter how hard she tries, there are some thoughts in Shadow's head that pop up on their own, even if she no longer wants to have those thoughts. Every action she takes from here forward is a deliberate and conscious effort that she makes to not be the same person that she used to be. Unfortunately, Shar and Mother Superior have left deep and lasting scars within her, things that she will never be able to rid herself of. Even though she has turned a new leaf, made an internal vow to do better and be better, she will always have blood on her hands.

It has only been a few weeks of Shadow putting in this effort within herself and Minthara can see the changes. Minthara may not care too much for Shadow having a bleeding heart and wanting to do the "right thing" all of a sudden, but she can appreciate that Shadow is no longer pretending to be something she isn't.

And for a moment, Minthara herself begins to reflect on her own upbringing and the things she has been indoctrinated with. She starts to deconstruct her relationship with the gods and the influence that they should have in their lives, her place in society and where she feels she truly belongs, the importance of trust, and the desire for power. Minthara starts her own process of challenging all the things she's ever known, but unlike Shadow, she is not a blank slate. She does remember everything she's been through these past 200+ years and undoing all that experience isn't going to be so easy for her. Like Shadow, there are just some things even she cannot undo. And there are many things that she would prefer to hang on to.

The process of breaking their own indoctrination is a slow start for both of them. Even though they both recognize the toxicity of their upbringings and the marks it has left on them, neither of them is afraid or ashamed to leverage their teachings in a way that benefits them both. They are also not afraid to continue with their morally dubious actions if it means getting them closer to their goals. So, the two elves travel all around Baldur's Gate doing good while being evil. Some of the shenaninanigans they have been up to:

Settled a squabble between a rich guy and some squatters (they both "died under mysterious circumstances")

Went to the circus and got jumped scared by Orin.

Accidentally stumbled upon a murder mystery that turned into a much deeper conspiracy

Found some gnomes and got a bomb

Started a fight at the checkpoint in which those very gnomes came and saved them

Met Gortash. It would appear that shoddy inaugurations and spilling his evil bad guy plan in front of the entire city constitutes as amongst that minutia of death cult office politics that he's so busy with.

Saved Counsellor Florrick

Continued on their investigation into Bhaal and visited the murder tribunal, killed a sacrifice to get some wicked gear, and then killed Sarevok anyway cause, why not, they were already there.

Beat up a wizard and let Dame Aylin break his back so she can break her oath

Got involved with the Thieves Guild and the Stone Lord

Did a dirty deed for Ethel, but made a crucial ally

Blew up a foundry of slaves

TEAM MOMMY ISSUES

While on this journey of self healing and self reflection, Shadow has spent the entire time just trying to forget the cause of all her worries. But the ever-present wound on her hand that exists just to torment her serves as a reminder that she cannot forget, and she shouldn't. No, Shadow is tired of forgetting. She knows her parents are in the city somewhere and she needs to save them! She can still have the life that has been denied to her. And so, she returns to the House of Grief.

Everyone at the House has been expecting her, but they are not too pleased with her arrival. They are very well aware of her turning her back on Shar and retribution is upon her. Shadow has been through so much on her long journey and has grown incredibly power. But sitting on this bench across from her mother, she is reduced to nothing more than a scared child who knows she has disappointed her mother.

Minthara stands against the wall and watches this entire interaction unfold and for just a brief moment, she sees a reflection of herself within the half-elf. She too has learned plenty of hard lessons at the hands of her mother and she holds plenty of those lessons close to her heart. But there were some days in which she did not see any lesson in the scars her mother left on her, and it felt like nothing but torment for torments sake.

Traveling through the cloister, Shadow is reminded of all the things that she had to do. She learned how to be a good liar and how to pretend to be someone else. She also learned how to torture when it was necessary, how to force information out of people and make them embrace the pain. She does not recall the days in which she learned these lessons, but she has all the skills.

Confronting her mother and the cloister isn't an easy task, but it has to be done. Obviously, Mother Superior wants Shadow to hand over the Prism and she may be "forgiven". But Shadow has learned the hard way that Shar does not forgive and her mother is full of it. Standing on her own two feet, she defies the Mother Superior and the entire cloister turns against her. She does not want to kill anyone here, but she does not feel any sorrow for people that she does not remember. Fighting them all is incredibly difficult as there is twenty of them, and only two of the elves. But with the power granted to her by Selune, Shadow and Minthara are able to burn away the darkness.

Once in her life, Minthara admired Viconia for her rebellion against authority. But she was so naive back then. As she furthered into her career as a paladin of Lolth, she realized just how much of a coward Viconia was. If the former Priestess of Lolth was still in the Underdark while she was, it would have been Minthara's duty to hunt her down and kill her in Lolth's name. Right now, all she sees is a coward who has done nothing but wipe Shadow's mind, torment her and give her lessons in which she can't remember, and rob Shadow of the ability to form her own identity. Minthara takes it upon herself to end Viconia, not in Lolth's name, but Shadowheart's.

But, of course, things are not that easy. Nothing is ever easy. There is an even darker secret hidden in the cloister. The pain that Shadow has felt since the day she started her mission, is the curse that connects her to her parents. And Shar reminds Shadow that there is no escaping her, at least not without making a great sacrifice. There is great meaning to be found in pain, and Shar decides to leave Shadow with what she would prefer to find meaning with.

Her parents want her to let them go. They have seen their daughter once more, she is alive and healthy, in Selune's embrace, and has someone who adores her more than the world itself. Shadow does not want to let them go, she did not come all this way to let them go. If Shar is to damn them all, then they can get through it together. But the Hallowleafs do not want their daughter to suffer needlessly, and neither does Minthara.

To the drow, killing ones parents is an important rite of passage. A perfect method to usurp their place in society, and gain power and status. If Shadow had made a different choice with the Nightsong and not angered Shar, perhaps that would be true. But the option presented to the half-elf is eternal suffering, or freedom from Shar's poison. And Minthara does not want to watch Shadow suffer for the rest of their lives together, not when there is a real possibility for Shadow to be free.

Minthara encourages Shadow to kill her parents. Not because she wishes to see them dead, but because their death means that Shadow will be free to live as herself and without unnecessary suffering. Taking the advice of both her parents and her love, Shadow uses the power of Selune and sets them free. Their souls are no longer bound to the Lady of Loss and they return to Selune's embrace where they were meant to be. Shadow will never know who she was before the cloister, she will never know who Jenevelle Hallowleaf was or who she could have been. And she will have to live with the guilt of having tortured them, and the grief of having to kill them.

BLOODY VENGEANCE

Every night since meeting her at that circus, Minthara's mind has been swirling with the paranoia and terror that Orin was always close by. Walking down the streets of the city, her eyes would watch every single person around, trying to determine which of them was an impostor who is only there to trick her or hurt her or worse.

Walking down into the sewers, inching closer and closer to Orin, Minthara is filled with incredible doubts on whether or not she will survive the ordeal. This is the woman who "indoctrinated" her into the Cult of the Absolute, filling her mind with what are clearly lies. To make it worse, the shroud has been lifted and the memories she once believed to be pleasant dreams were nothing but nightmares in which she was robbed of all choice in the matter.

But right now, she has a choice. She has Shadow, someone she cares for deeply. Someone who has never hurt her, or lie to her, and made a promise to protect her, even from Orin. This time, she knows that what she feels for her cleric is real and nothing is compelling her to feel the way she does. Under normal circumstances, she would feel incredible pressure and terror at admitting this level of vulnerability. Especially when admitting love and affection has always awarded her with a new scar. Or worse, a dead lover. But it is either now or never and she tells Shadow that if they are to survive this fight with Orin, she wishes to remain by her side for the rest of their lives, because the bond they share is unbreakable one.

To make it all worse, Orin did not even speak to her, didn't even address her, pretended like she wasn't even there! She had held Minthara down in a cocoon of flesh, cutting her and torturing her for days. And she doesn't even get the honor of an acknowledgement? This iblith's mind games never end and she wants to further the torment by focusing on Shadow, making it clear that if Minthara doesn't act quickly and with decisiveness, her precious cleric will be turned into a sacrifice before Bhaal. And what then? What is Minthara going to do then? She will have lost her only reason for fighting and she will succumb to her fears and become susceptible to Orin's knives once more. She cannot let that happen. Not again. She's had enough of Orin's games.

And of course, the fight with Orin wasn't easy, it was never going to be easy. All of Minthara's greatest fears are culminated into one: the Slayer. In another life, Minthara would admire this type of power. No, she would revel in it! She would open her arms wide and embrace the incredible and exquisite creature that it is! Hells, she would have willingly embraced Orin if she had been given the choice.

Too bad this isn't that life and Orin, the Slayer, is nothing but another monstrosity that needs to be exterminated. Minthara cannot and does not care about how removed a crazed Bhaalspawn will be of great benefit to the living world. She does not care that Orin needs to die so that they may nab her Netherstone and get one step closer to the Absolute. No, Minthara wants to kill Orin solely out of vengeance. To right the wrongs that Orin had brought upon her. She is well past the point of mercy.

Even though Minthara herself personally delivered the killing blow and watched the Bhaalspawn dissolve into a puddle of viscera, she still has difficulty believing Orin is dead. But right now, she can't focus on that. Shadow does her best to try to comfort her through all this, but greater problems need to be addressed. Shadow has spent too much of her life repressing how she feels and running away from her true emotions and pretending she doesn't feel what she does. She is not oblivious to the fact that Minthara has an annoying habit of doing the same exact thing, and Shadow understands exactly why.

Later at camp, when they are both in a safe and secure place, Shadow asks Minthara to open up, tell her how she feels about Orin's death. Of course Minthara is glad Orin is dead, but she is not as satisfied as she thought she would be. There was never going to be a smite that would have been powerful enough to remove the scars that had been left on her. Shadow can sympathize. As much as she does not wish to see her paladin in pain, she knows that this is something Minthara will carry with her for the rest of her life. But in time, she will overcome it.

A NEW BEGINNING

With all the Netherstones gathered, it is now time to face the elder brain and deal with the Absolute. The two of them fight valiantly and fearlessly through the city and up to High Hall. With a Mind Flayer on their side, and a few powerful allies, the elves push through the burning city and all the nightmares conjured by the elder brain. This is a fight, not just for their lives, but the world. With the brain just about ready to break, it pleads for mercy, offering itself as a tool to be used and abused just so that it may live.

Of course Minthara still wants to take control of it. Her and Shadow can stand side by side as gods and make the world a perfect place. They will be equal to the others and gods like Shar and Lolth can never touch them again. And if they tried, then the two elves will have a much easier time fighting back.

But this isn't what Shadow wants. She understands Minthara's reasoning. The drow says it's all for the power, the control, the glory! But deep down, it's nothing but fear. The fear of being abandoned, the fear of being betrayed, the fear of her devotion being thrown back in her face and being punished with death. Shadow has felt it all herself. But becoming the problem will never be a viable solution. Shadow stood before Shar, defied her, and paid the price. She knows it is possible to fight back and live. And she is not going to allow Minthara to fall into a death spiral because she is too scared to walk a different path.

What could have been their crowning achievement crashes down into the ocean as Shadow asks the Emperor to destroy the brain. Minthara stands on the pier, watching as it drowns in the ocean. All that power, all that potential, wasted. But she is free. There is no longer a tadpole in her head, threatening to turn her into a mind flayer or a thrall. The Absolute cannot break her and Lolth cannot touch her. The decision may not have been hers to make, but she will appreciate the freedom of it all. It's not as if the Absolute was the only path to world domination, just the fastest and most convenient.

The two elves take a moment to catch their breaths and get some rest after saving the world. Being a savior is... new for Minthara. It's weird and something she never thought she would be considered. The people adore her and thank her in the streets every day. Perfect! They are priming themselves up to be easily manipulated later! The drow will be sure to leverage this affection.

The city is saved thanks to Shadow's singular decision. Of course she was worried about the fate of the world. She understands more than most to have your strings pulled by a domineering god, and she did not want to subjugate others to that same torment and anguish. She does not know if she will ever fully embrace Selune yet, but she will appreciate the fact that Selune has given her the ability to forge her own path. And Shadow will give the same to others, as well as Minthara.

Minthara doesn't miss a beat, nor does she lose her breath. She has accepted the loss of the Absolute and immediately moves on to scheming about how to take over the city from the shadows. All Shadow can do is roll her eyes and laugh. Her ambition, although sometimes self destructive, is just one of the many reasons Shadow fell in love with her.

The two of them have been awarded a lifetime together and Minthara wants to spend every single second of it with Shadow. She may want to rule the city, but she wants more to do whatever her cleric wants to do. Baldur's Gate, although her home, is nothing but a fragment of a memory Shadow will never get back. She wants to know more about Selune, find out what would have driven her parents to worship the moon goddess, and maybe find some meaning in the new divinity she channels. She wants to see the world and find a new purpose and find out who she wants to be now that she has the freedom to.

Of all the gods, Selune is probably the only one Minthara has no quarrel with. She wants Shadow to be free, and Selune will give that to her. Selune is the one who won't kill or abandon or torture her followers for every tiny mistake. She will allow Shadow to make the choices she wants, and won't punish her for them. Unlike Lolth, unlike Shar, unlike Bhaal, unlike the Absolute, Selune won't force her followers to be who they don't want to be, or do what they don't want to do. All she will do is guide them through the dark whenever they feel lost.

And so, without protest, Minthara marches alongside Shadowheart out of Baldur's Gate as they continue on their new journey of self-discovery.

Thank you very much for reading all of this, I know it was a lot. And I want to give a most special thanks to those who have followed me through all of this. I'm actually kind of sad that this run came to an end. But, it's not entirely over as I got a whole fic to write about it now and I'm kinda excited about it!

< Act 2 |

[wiklm]

hands u extremely basic albedo and rhinedottir art

[letsboldlygomotherfuckers]

If ur not careful I might have to watch torchwood… do u recommend or is it an affliction you would not recommend to others?

hehehehehe >:3c gottem boys

no fr like. you have to look past the fact it's a low budget bbc production at times and embrace the slightly see through lesbian alien with foot long fingers that can read minds. you have to embrace the sex alien that absorbs people through her pussy. crucially, you have to watch it in as few sittings as possible. the only proper way to watch torchwood is to watch the entire thing absolutely nonstop and nothing else in between until your brain falls out through your ears :)

[purpleshadow-star]

I'm finally listening to Alec Benjamin's newest album 12 Notes, and he really has me over here looking up the definitions of multiple words. Like your songs sound great, and the wordplay is immaculate, but unfortunately, I just don't know what conflagration means.

[twopoppies]

.

[squipedmew]

marble hornets, AKA: one man’s quest to get his prescription refilled

[fobnsfwdoodlesbackup]

pride asks woo !!

12, 15, 25

and for 35:

how do you deal with frustrating people like homophobes and transphobes or people just being generally shitty towards the lgbtq+ community?

Answers under the cut!

12) Name some queer artists/bands or songs you like most:

Dog Park Dissidents!!!! June Henry!!! Against Me!! Fall Out Boy!!! I definitely recommend finding as much queer music as you can, it's incredibly impactful to engage with art that shares your experience.

15) How has your identity changed overtime?

Overtime the main change is just that I've gotten more comfortable gobbling up any labels I want haha. When I was a teenager I identified as Bi, and then later as Pan. I came out as trans when I was 14 and that hasn't changed, but to me it coexists with identifying as lesbian/sapphic/dyke. Oh reclaiming of dyke/faggot is also a more recent change. Relating to the point below!

25) What queer discourse frustrates you the most?

The thing is. Queer history has to be sought out, and so many young queer people (or older, sure!) don't really have context around queer community struggling together and being intertwined. Discourse that feels very on-paper to me such as transmascs and lesbians not sharing community, bi vs pan, or discourse that weaves in other kinds of oppression like cis gay men being transphobic/misogynistic/racist etc. is frustrating. Our struggles are all woven together, and so is our liberation. And so is everyones!! Seeing in fighting online about how to appeal to cishet people or who's allowed to use what terms or be in what spaces feels like we're going backwards sometimes. We have important things that can be learned from one another, we have overlapping experiences and battles, we have been called overlapping slurs, and we must help one another to get anywhere in this god damn world. Talk to queer people that are older than you, younger than you, live in different parts of the world than you. Read anything you can online or at the library about queer history. We're all in this thing together and you can disagree with someone and still be in community with them.

35) How do you deal with frustrating people like homophobes and transphobes or people just being generally shitty towards the lgbtq+ community?

If it's online block their ass. Some Marco lore is that a guy in highschool stalked me for about 7 years and posted details about me on 4chan including pictures of me and where I went to school and worked. Just because I'm trans. Block them. I do think there is some value in arguing online, to practice getting uncomfortable and to signal to others that there's someone on their side, but I wouldn't recommend it generally.

A lot of my answers here are going to intertwine, but the best thing I can recommend is a robust support system. Friends, family, coworkers, pets, therapists, etc. Having people who love you helps with emotional battles, and with physical safety.

[aturnoftheearth]

drove home with the moon looking like THIS between the fast moving clouds and i listened to vide noir the whole time and it was soooooo 😵‍💫😵‍💫