#high and ruminating

[rosethornewrites]

Just saw something about how some generations can now say “this friend I’ve had on the internet for 20+ years” in terms of Internet 1.0.

I remember my parents being paranoid about who I was talking to on the internet, something I started doing around 1995-6 at school and a bit later at home, and it was like, dude…

First of all, anyone who starts in with a/s/l isn’t someone I talk to. If later in the conversation, yeah, maybe.

But here’s the second bit: if they start talking anything sexual, I’m blocking them because I’m so disinterested and also kind of starting to wonder what that disinterest means (het -> bi -> lesbian -> demi? -> asexual -> Sapphic asexual -> what is gender? pipeline here). I’ve got better things to do than talk to some weirdo on the internet.

Third? Those things involve fanfiction in the early days of anime translation in the US before FFN existed, something so incredibly niche that no predator is going to get far enough to get me, because they will get bored af.

Basically, I was only in danger if I went looking for it, and I had no interest whatsoever.

So I have friends from the late 90s I keep up with, back from the days of personal message boards for web users and this one Yu Yu Hakusho fic repository I was active on that died when Geocities did but had amazing fanworks that likely only exist in the Archive or possibly on some old floppy discs I need to get old files from.

It really fascinates me, the differences between old internet and new, on a variety of levels.

One is the obvious, kind of the purity culture shit, sanitizing the internet “for the children” that happens now.

But also there’s an entire generation that will have had online friends nearly their entire lives because the internet has been accessible-ish their entire lives.

I was 14 when I was first introduced to the internet. At school only. We had a PC (rare back then) but it wasn’t internet-compatible, and it ran on MS-DOS and had Windows 3.1 as a loadable program, and Word Perfect as an entirely different loadable program.

I fell into fandom at about 16, and am still friends with several. I’m 40 now, and I’ve just kept gathering them. I don’t even know where I picked some of them up. Memory fails me.

Weirdly, some folks think it’s weird or even “cringe” that I still exist in fandom and have all these friends from forever ago, and I kind of want to ask them when they’ll leave it all behind and become some sort of adult with no hobbies because the capitalist machine demands no fun only work.

Even when I worked, I didn’t leave it behind. And I don’t have to or want to. Even when I wasn’t active in the fandom aspect of my internet existence, I was still online attending to other special interests, specifically engaging about political and social issues, and also being an activist.

I still do some of that, too, but I leaned too far into it, as in anything not productive in some way (helping organize, engaging intellectually, reading focused on achieving my reading goal for the year), I didn’t do.

Yeah, I tried to be an adult and leave my “childish” stuff behind entirely. And you know what? It sucked.

It was like the joy in anything was sucked out because it had to have a purpose. I had to focus on what adults were supposed to focus on (according to… society? corporations?) to the exclusion of all else.

And it messed me up in other ways.

So I’ve been trying to balance more, but the world’s on fire, I’ve become temporarily (?) disabled, and I’m trying to keep from sliding into a depression.

Don’t lock away or discard your childish things. It isn’t worth the price to your mental health. Literally no one worth your time is going to give a fuck if you have anime wallscrolls on your walls because you enjoy them.

But I’m so glad to have the internet friends I do, the ones I’ve gathered and still kept in touch with, or who grew apart and came back, or who will come back in the future. It just really hit me how much of my life they’ve been in.

Like, they know this whole other world and how we’ve grown with it, in a way my IRL friends never will. And vice versa. And I wouldn’t trade one for the other, ever.

High rambling. If you got this far, sorry.

[theonewhowails]

rotating this fucked up cat in my head like a rotisserie chicken

[yandere-daydreams]

hi. so this is kind of a random musing that doesn't have anything to do with what youve been talking abt on your blog recently so feel free to ignore it, but i love how you write yandere nanami and between going live and an ask one of my followers sent me i kinda had a revelation. i wanted to see if you had any thoughts.

i think that before meeting reader nanami would be a virgin.

even if were talking non yandere nanami, i don't think he's ever had sex. i can't see nanami being the kind of person who likes hookup culture - he doesn't want to be used by someone - but i don't think he'd be able to justify getting in a romantic relationship because his job is so dangerous. he wouldn't want to die one day and leave his partner widowed. so he stays celibate, he's come to terms with the fact that he'll die untouched.

(he just jerks himself to freaky ass porn to get his fix (maybe even a camgirl hehe))

at least, until he meets a woman who makes all of his morality fly out the window.

suddenly, his sex drive is higher then ever. he's cumming into his fist every night to the thought of this special girl doing abhorrent things on his dick. he loves her. he's never loved someone this much in his entire life so she has to be the one to deflower him. that's probably one of the most romantic things someone can do in his mind, so it has to be her. she's his soulmate

all of this to say, i think nanami would kidnap reader and force her to teach him how to have sex through some fucked up means. it just tickles something in me imagining how stupidly giddy he'd be, so unabashedly pathetic as he undresses a woman for the first time.

like, him holding her hand with his forehead pressed to hers, cumming inside of her, jumping through as many mental hurdles necessary to justify what he's doing (or maybe just not caring bc she'll come around eventually, right?)

i love your work. thank you for listening to my ramble. <3

tw - non/con, kidnapping, manipulation, delusional behavior.

no no no i agree entirely,,, no amount of propaganda can convince me that any of the jjk men every had their dicks touched before the age of twenty-five at least, with nanami probably being the worst offender among them. i mean, he doesn't really connect with people outside of the sorcerer world, not really, not in a meaningful enough way to lead to that kind of intimacy, and as for other sorcerers... no. just no. he'd rather die a virgin than resort to anything as desperate as that, which is quickly becoming a very tangible reality.

and then he meets you (or, alternative, stumbled onto your stream at some ungodly hour, his cock already in his hand and his pleasure-deprived brain frantic for something soft and pliable to latch onto), and he decides that it might not be so bad to consider alternatives after all.

i can see it going one of two ways: if he has any reason at all to believe that you're also a virgin, whether or not it's true, he'll immediately lose all patience. if that wasn't the case, he might be able to take his time, stalk you for a few months before consummating your blooming relationship, but now he's on a clock, now he has to get to you before someone else does. he still tries to make it romantic, lights candles and brings you flowers and all that, but he's rushed, panicked, babbling incoherently about 'being each other's firsts' as he haphazardly undresses you. it's a miracle he remembers to do any prep at all - he's just in such a rush to be inside of you, to be the first and only person to every know what it's like to fully, genuinely actually be with you. if there's any pain, he'll comfort you later, make up for two and a half decades of abstinence with his tongue and hands, but only after he's already ruined you for anyone else.

if you're not a virgin and he can't make himself believe you are, then he'd probably go a little less absolutely feral (at first, i mean). don't get me wrong, you're still getting kidnapped asap, but rather than a beacon of innocence and purity that he can taint, you're the corruption forcing him to fall from grace, and he's going to want you to act like it. he's got a list of virginities he needs to to take (his first handjob, his fist blowjob, the first hickey, etc.), and between every milestone, he's going to want you to teach him how to pleasure you, even if you're still insisting you'd rather not let him touch you at all. he wants your full participation - it doesn't matter how many times he makes you cum on his tongue while you're sobbing into your pillow and trying to block him out, he's not going to stop until he hears your sweet voice encouraging with the little 'right there, kento's and 'good boy's he's made you rehearse. by the time you actually take his virginity, he's going to have made you feel dirtier than you ever could've made him feel, but so long as he's the one you're feeling dirty with, nanami doesn't really mind. not when he's buried inside you, his chest pressed into yours and he's too lost in his own pleasure to think the tears staining your cheeks are anything but beautiful.

anyway loser virgin nanami you will live forever. perhaps loser virgin gojo will pay for his crimes next.

[eliza-the-hunted]

Thoughts b4 bed, this...got ridiculously long..SKIP TOWARDS THE END for my Peri and Dev idea I'd like to personally see if you don't care about my godparenting ramble. 💖 (I marked it with a star for easy spotting.)

Godparenting is self harm (in certain situations). You CANNOT pair a fairy, who has basic empathy, with a child who is being neglected and/or abused, and expect them to NOT get attached or to love them.

Cosmo and Wanda loved Timmy. They were his parents!!

Juandissimo loved Remy. He couldn't move on from him.

It's also horrible for the kids when they get a fairy who doesn't develop that parental/guardian relationship.

Peri failed Dev because he remained distant and overly professional. (I'm not saying he didn't care, that's a whole other debate. I'm just saying he was not what Dev needed. Dev needed a Cosmo, Wanda, or Juandissimo.)

I'm sure other fairies failed kids in similar situations, maybe even worse, because they didn't want to fall into that emotional trap. It's BEYOND hard not to. You would have to be extremely hardened, dissociated, or heartless in order to do that.

At least the kids get to forget their failed experience.

Fairies have to remember. They have to remember for the rest of their lives that they either:

A) Got bonded with a kid and had to say goodbye, a type of goodbye that's honestly like a funeral. You will never see each other again (except in passing. But you can't contact them.) The loss and yearning would be too much for anyone.

B) Have to remember that they couldn't bond with the kid and thus failed them. They failed that neglected/abused child. That child had to grow up with their abuse without any escapism because you had to remain professional and throw away your whimsy. I'm CONVINCED Peri is NOT the only fairy to be annoying about "da rules". I'm actually pretty sure that's the NORM because of how all the fairies reacted to Cosmo and Wanda with Timmy.

Going into fairy godparenting, knowing that you could come out with either outcome, is self harm to me, (SH is doing anything that you KNOW will hurt you physically or emotionally, it can be any number of things! JS this here because people have a VERY narrow view about what counts as SH!) and really makes me overthink about like...

Fairy mental health? How does fairy therapy look like for these situations? I kind of envision it similar to ppl IRL who work with abused kids need therapy, yet they keep going. They keep moving on and helping kids (or doing their best to).

⭐️All this to say my idea for Peri and Dev:

I would love for Peri to learn from his situation with Dev and why it didn't work. I know ppl want them to get back together asap, but tbh I think a slow burn would work best, for Peri's mental health. I think Peri should shadow his parents and Hazel for a bit, and learn/see how they do things, including how they interact with kids. I think Peri needs some self reflection first.

My idea is this:

Peri shadows his parents for awhile and does some self reflection. While he shadows his parents, he watches Dev from afar. Not like, intently like some ppl HC, just in passing. Like Dev will interact with Hazel and Peri will make passing remarks like "he's a good kid", (if him and Hazel are getting along) or "oh, Dev.." (if he does smth rude to Hazel)

Eventually, smth happens to Dev that finally seals it for Peri, he has already been meditating on everything for awhile, but whatever happens to Dev is the final straw. (I wonder what happens??) And he gets permission to be Devs godparent again and then bursts in to save Dev!

(this would all happen maybe thruout the whole season, and this event would happen at the ending of S2? Ik ppl would be impatient for that, but!! I think it would work best AND be a rlly satisfying season conclusion!!) and a rlly good start for S3 (iiiif we got all that lmao, I'm being VERY hopeful that we get at least 3-4 seasons! which I shouldn't when S2 is still up in the air lol. oh well. I can dream.)

Uuuh. Yeah. IDk just some thoughts I've had. Sorry this was so long. If you read it then wow! I'm shocked haha. 💖 (bonus points if u read the tags hahaha)

goodnight. 💖💖

[vaguely-concerned]

some more rye ingellvars! b/c I have fineagled. I have tweaked. we are getting ever closer every time I heave a big sigh and walk up to the mirror of transformation once more to put in my daily penance of moving the jawbone angle slider microscopically one way or the other

my boy... my son. the Most Profile Haver champion thirty-four years running <3

this one is mostly because lucanis standing there fully like the ben affleck smoking meme as big time necromancer drama goes down might be The funniest thing I've ever seen actually. PROS of falling in love with a Watcher: Bae :) CONS of falling in love with a Watcher: Bae's extended family feat. whatever the hell vorgoth is and megalomaniacal distant ex-aunts hellbent on world domination. well. to be fair I guess you also have to deal with illario so we're probably even

so determined so handsome so fierce and so "a decade plus on fantasy HRT and most people's go-to word to describe you would still be 'boyish'. but at least you wear it well" (rye is in their mid-thirties but is frequently mistaken for quite a bit younger on initial acquaintance. good genes absolutely no sun damage until recently and a certain youthfulness of mannerisms will do that to a motherfucker.)

he looks like a kid who's won a medal at some low-level sporting event and has been made to pose for a picture against his will and the photographer is taking a while <3 I would die for him

ah yes... ellaryen 'rye' ingellvar the tl;dr version (this conversation unexpectely fucked me up tho an emotional ambush I was not prepared for)

[twinstxrs]

there’s probably something deeply wrong with me because every time i see someone react to the pok gukgak interrogation scene it’s like “oh no oh my god is riz’s dad a bad guy?” when the first time i saw that scene my only thought was “oh my god is riz’s dad HOT??”

[allthebestcowgirls]

[twowivestwoknives]

not to DID post on main (we got @moshpit-sys for that) but any other hosts feel like they were the Wrong Choice for host and are just chugging through life like

"the little engine that fucking has to?"

[caseyshutup]

haven’t posted here in a while, trying to forget the trainwreck that is clone high season 2

[hunysckle]

feeling very mom-coded in this sweater/jacket/jeans combo =3

[clowningaroundmars]

working on this hobie1610 thing... but i also have a lil gwen and miles42 thing floating around in my head too..... weehhhh

@starcut-sand you inspire me TOO MUCH!!! CUT THAT OUT!!!! /lh

[rosethornewrites]

I am currently very high, and the power died and left me floating in pitch black quiet for a few seconds to a few minutes, and then the world switched back on again.

Fuck me, that was weird.

[lokh]

ahh when i did some long ass test for personality disorders and the psychologist was like 'you don't get results like this unless u were emotionally neglected. were u emotionally neglected' and I was like Shrug. apparently so

[yandere-daydreams]

Tbh I don't think Gojo is a virgin by the mere fact that he probably pulled one of those "practice sex with your bestie before getting a proper partner so you don’t suck as it" that he saw in a hentai with Geto

no because the exact Thing gojo and geto have going on is so precious and specific to me. do i think that they're soulmates who have a deeply romantic connection that neither of them could ever truly let go of, even if they were forced to move past it? yes. do i know that gojo satoru did not know he could touch his dick before the age of twenty-three? also yes. they definitely seem like the type of freaks who would ""practice"" jerking off together, but i cannot shake the unwavering belief that the furthest they ever physically got was, like, some chaste hand-holding between classes. i don't know why they both reek of virgin but tragically they do.

[todayisafridaynight]

any hopes for kiwami 3? like things u wanna see added or changed stuff like that

if they dont keep kiryu's goofy walk stance and the hoof-like walk sounds i dont wanna play it

[starcloud-nova]

i actually think i’m a little obsessed with time loops