#hi simon

[justfriendsbestthings]

My favourite part was the Storm Trooper vibing to Girlfriend

[snowysoong]

i did this like a month ago only one person will get it and thats ok

[superxapple]

In trousers

[yumefag]

me explaining to my boyfriend how electra heart is a very discord core album

[kiwi-birds]

@rottingawayatomicron

[heavenbarnes]

thinking about your older bf!simon that cannot cope with being far from you.

when you’re in the shower, he’s sat on the lid of the toilet on his phone (watching those rug cleaning videos) enjoying your faint singing under the stream of water, the smell of your body wash on the cloud of steam- ready to pass you a towel or get your back.

when you’re at your desk, working from home or studying, he’s just on the other side of it reading the paper with one outstretched leg tangled with both of yours. he’s dead quiet when you’re on a call, just happy to be around.

when you’re doing laundry, collecting the clothes in the hamper and crouching to stuff them into the washer- turning around and accidentally colliding with a thick wall of muscle.

“sorry, love”

he steps aside but you can hear his soft footfalls as he continues to follow you throughout your home.

when you’re both watching something on the couch, what starts as his pinky locked with yours turns into his arm around your waist. that turns into your head on his chest, which culminates with you falling asleep in his lap with his cheek on your head and soft snores emanating from his lips.

when you grocery shop, you push the trolley but his chest is to your back, arms either side of you and hands clasped over yours on the handle. you can thank his military training for his uncanny ability to tell exactly when you’ll stop walking.

when he wakes up in the middle of the night, on a rare occasion when you’ve managed to slip out of bed without him realising, he’s immediately in a panic calling your name.

“in here, my love”

as soon as his heart settles, he realises the bathroom light was probably a dead giveaway. you’re taking a wee, you’ll be back in a minute.

that doesn’t stop a sleepy simon from leaning in the doorframe, shielding his eyes from the big light as he waits for you to finish up.

even on the short walk back to bed, you can feel fingers twisted in the back of your shirt- almost like you’re leading the way.

minute you’re both on the mattress, you’re being wrapped up in his arms, slotting you perfectly into the curve of his front- almost like you’re made for him.

(and you are)

[qwimblenorrisstan]

Just thinking about how simon would definitely be the type of man to start cooking ribs, I mean like marinating those things and letting them slow cook for hours, only for him to slip out of the bed at nearly 3am.

You only noticed because his side of the bed got colder and then you woke up to your precious simon riley with a plate of ribs in his big hands, piled high for both of you as he sat down. you wouldn’t care about getting food on the bed this late, and he knew it. He liked cooking for you when on leave, liked providing.

“ribs.”

He mumbled, and you gave a sleepy nod before leaning against him, idly taking a rib and obliging him with a bite of the food. As it turns out, it was pretty damn good, and for another hour or so you both just sat there, silently eating ribs in bed.

Anyways, I’m marrying him. He’s mine.

[aj-lenoire]

i’m really enjoying the olympics this year, there is some quality nonsense going on

for the first time in the modern olympics (possibly ever?) there’s an equal number of women competing to men, and included in that group we have icons like simone biles, kim yeji, imane khelif

and then over with the dudes we’ve got yusuf dikec who took up shooting after he got divorced, turns up in a t-shirt with no ear protection only to shoot near perfect rounds. we’ve got henrik christiansen who is taking tiktok by storm not for his swimming prowess but the fact he is obsessed with the olympic village chocolate muffins. we’ve got stephen nedoroscik, who is trained literally only in pommel horse so he kinda just sits around doing rubik’s cubes while everyone else does their thing (pommel goes last) and then they activate him like a fucking sleeper agent to crush the pommel routine, secure the usa a medal, and also he cannot fucking see the entire time bc he needs glasses

quality, quality nonsense

EDIT: okay so apparently the smoking thing wasn’t true, my bad guys! dikec has been competing in the olympics since 2008 and is ex-military (but his showing up in a t-shirt without any visual aids is still iconic!!)

[shotmrmiller]

single dad simon not knowing how to be a dad. not his thing. doesn't get it. hand him a gun and he can take it apart and put it back together in his sleep. but a diaper? formula? baby food??? knows next to nothing.

so you see him, miserable old man with sunken dark eyes, hunched shoulders and a screaming baby at his doorstep with groceries in his hand and decide to help. (besides, you're also suffering with a lack of proper sleep)

he's not a good dad but he's a protective one. he's at your throat in an instant, baby in arm almost behind his back, ready to sink his teeth into your jugular. you squeak out that you're a part time babysitter. you can help. you've got the most experience with babies her age.

you keep your eyes on him, tired eyes now sharp as flint. it's scary how quickly he'd moved. footsteps barely a whisper. his breath chills your skin.

threatens you with your life if so much as a hair on her head is hurt. he must be really tired if he's willing to accept help being this defensive.

you take the chunky babe and bounce her as he opens the door to his flat. you don't dislike kids but you're not their biggest fan either. babysitting is just a means to an end. easy money that goes toward your tuition.

simon, you come to learn, doesn't care. he thinks you're the missing parent. he doesn't ask you if you can help watch over the child. simply knocks on your door and hands her to you with the diaper bag. mutters that he'll be back and with food.

he helps himself to your couch when you tell him that the baby is asleep. takes off his shoes and is snoring in seconds. simon also doesn't help the rumors going around the building. "a terrible parent, you are. how could you abandon your baby and husband? he's been struggling for months!"

simon leaves you sputtering when he tells them to stop talking about his missus like that or he'll kill them in their sleep. burp the baby, pet, or she'll keep us up all night.

at least he pays well :/

(if you go out for a friends night, which he will drop you off so stop talking about uber, he's telling you to go say goodbye to our baby who happens to be asleep in her crib and if you're wearing a short little number he's gonna watch you bend over to kiss her fat little cheek before he takes you to the bathroom to eat it from the back and is sending you to his car with trembling legs and a slap to your arse. don't look so tasty next time idk)

[astearisms]

catalysts, protectors

[whirlybirbs]

i truly cannot stress how much of a fucking freak ghost is. he is a fucking weirdo. he is so fucking strange. mask? always on. 90% of cutscenes are happening and the man looming in the back, staring off into the middle distance. he speaks a max of, like, six words per interaction. he does not make eye contact or — worse — he makes extremely prolonged eye contact. he is a fucking freak. he is a deranged weirdo. i know we like to gas him up and make him all hot n horny but he is a fucking freak and it's time we start championing him as such

[yooo-lets-go]

what sort of music does simon listen to- and what are the others’ opinions on it when they inevitably discover it?

They probably wouldn’t share a playlist

Plus Roach:

[epic-sorcerer]

Taylor Swift is so extremely normal in a way that deeply terrifies my inner child

[mebssann]

yippee :)

[passiunclepaltry]

if golbetty is really omnipotent and whatnot . she woulda giggled

[brav0-6]

THE PRICE PAT™️ | CALL OF DUTY: MODERN WARFARE II & III