#hey I learned how to do alt text finally

[calnexin]

for drawing rqs, what about anathema being a menace with sidestep?

I think they had something gay going on

[thedanniannie]

🖤Uchiha Men dating goth baddies pt.2🖤

Descriptions lean femme

Nsfw mentions

Uchihas mentioned: Madara, Obito, Shisui, Itachi

Madara:

- I know I said in my last post he maybe wouldn't deliberately simp for goth babes like some of these other Uchihas on my list, but if anyone was going to be the token metal head boyfriend to their goth babe, it's gonna be him.

- like common, he's not gonna have a mane like that and NOT fit the metal head vibe okay?? LIKE LET'S GET INTO THIS FANTASY!!

- And this man has NO crafty skills.... so imagine helping him with sewing patches on his battle jackets UUUUUGGGGHHJDJJDJSJXJCHD

- He's the guy to have gone to a couple of shows with Hashi when they were young, and he just stopped going as he got older. But he would absolutely cave if you batted your eyelashes and asked him to take you to one. Also, he's protective as fucking fuck.

- And at a show, if he finds you slowly inching your way to the pit, he will snake his arm around your torso to pull you back and just give you the most firm look that's like "you're not going in there missy"

Obito:

- He'd wear the ghost face mask.... I feel like we already knew this information. Like, he'd be on goth tiktok and already KNOW that the goth girls fall hard for a man in a mask and would just happen to have the mask from a past Halloween costume and just make note to NEVER throw it out lol

- Although he can be freaky with the mask, he will also be unbearably sweet. The second he learns about boyfriends making "boo baskets" for their spooky partners, he gets to cooking on it.

- I actually think Obi would have a lot of fun finally getting to do all the typical spooky couple shit. Because although I see Obi for sure simping for the goth babes, for some reason he doesn't approach. But with the mix of being a sweetie at heart and the deep trauma he has, he could for sure keep up with his love's date ideas.

- But I think his favorite would be going to scare nights and going through mazes with his partner. Like, ofc he lives staying home and cuddling while watching horror films, but there's something he likes about getting to play the protective bf type during all the scares

- his other favorite thing is having to clean off all the black lipstick stains after a night out. He would beg (and probably has) to get some, especially after you saying you don't want it to "bother him"

Shisui:

- He's gonna regularly send the text that all goths want to hear from their partners: "Hey babe, do you want to get dressed up and get coffee and go Halloween shopping?"

- If you tell him that you had a horrible day at work, he will make sure his queen of darkness is well pampered. A dark themed bath will be drawn, with the favorite Halloween seasonal candle lit. And he will end the night by putting on Coraline for the two of you to relax to. Idk he's just a knowledgeable simp like that.

- As I'm writing Shisui, I feel like I'm making him seem really ran through. And I guess KINDAAA, like I think Shisui would REALLY like the goths. But it's never out of objectification, he just loves how much they embrace the darkness, and look so hot while doing it. But he's an Uchiha, and they're serious about love, so I think "ran through" would like, he's genuinely dated two goths and just had so much love for them that he learned a lot.

- Also I could see Shisui as the kind of guy who is alt at heart, but doesn't look it. He probably never really TRIED to be alt, like outwardly that is, not because he doesn't like it but rather is just happy to listen to the music and know the people. And when you first met him, you thought he was some regular guy and wouldn't know anything about the subcultures. Until he drove you to your guy's first date, and his music taste completely said otherwise

Itachi:

- Idk why but something in me sees him as being intuitively intelligent with any DIY or gothy clothing alterations. Like, he is savvy enough to know the cheapest places to get things, how to make shit happen on a budget. That intelligence could get him places in alternative crafts, but I also see him as someone not driven to be creative. He's just smart, so he can at least offer a helping hand with any craft his goth partner wants to do

- he also likes to genuinely visit historic and haunted locations. Tbh, I don't think Itachi would believe in ghosts. But he's not patronizing to his partner if they do, and will happily tag along to visit haunted places. Mainly because I just see him as a history buff.

- gives you regal hand kisses, but at the randomest of times. Like yeah, maybe some here and there when he greets you or says goodbye, which was more so the case before your relationship got more serious. But now it's tradition, so he's just a little playful with it. A soft kiss on the hand before your "goodnight kiss," periodically when watching horror movies. His playfulness is still so poised lol. He's a vampire that's why lol.

- maybe he'll even nibble on your goth ass neck like he's a vampire BUT IDK YOU DIDN'T HEAR IT FROM MEEEE (😈)

.

.

.

I think my first Uchiha x goths is probably my most popular post, so I wanted to make more of it. Although this has been sitting in my notes for like a month, oops. But yall loving my first one gave me the motivation to finish this one, for all my fellow goth Uchiha lovers out there!

[pianocat939]

Random idea, but imagine the yandere turtle ai’s, but m/c straight up has no clue who they are even talking to.

Like, Donnie finds out about the multiverse and tries to connect with other dimensions. Our dimension has a show version of them, so he easily connects with it. Imagine poor m/c, who really likes the show, just randomly coming into contact with some strangers one day. The turtles don’t mean to connect to poor m/c at first, but they get attached really quickly.

It is pretty much the self aware au, but the turtles speak to m/c through a chat system and m/c has no fricking clue it is the turtles talking to them.

M/c, texting: wow! Your user is of that character I like in ROTTMNT! Do you like that show too???

Random turtle, texting: uhhhhh, yes…?

Or, we have a scenario like this:

Donnie, texting: salutations, random individual. I have breached the multiverse and appear to have found myself in this chat with you. My name is Donatello, what is yours?

M/c, texting: wow, that is some good role play! How did you get so into character like that?

Donnie, texting: wha-

Also, m/c is royally screwed. The moment the turtles get attached, m/c can pack their bags and say goodbye. Because as soon as Donnie gets a portal going to breach into their dimension, the turtles will kidnap m/c on sight and drag them to their dimension. Poor m/c finally learned who those strangers online were.

Besides, m/c really likes them! They will live a perfectly happy life in their world with them. Except m/c isn’t ever allowed to leave.

Leo, texting: what would you do if you were to enter an alternate universe with your favorite characters?

M/c, texting: I honestly don’t know. Maybe try to talk and interact?

*portal opens, and Donnie steps out*

Donnie, with a big grin on his face: hey

M/c: holy-

Ooh! I must say I really do love the Sentient Bot Alt/AU ngl- I wouldn’t mind adding a bit more on that.

Anyway, I’ll just add a few scenarios and bits.

Tw: kidnapping(?)

Donnie was just trying to discover what talking through the multiverse was, as a scientific curiosity and nothing else.

But the first person he managed to stumble upon was- interesting to say the least. Within the first message he sent, they would reply that he talks an awful a lot like their favourite TV show- something about being ninja turtle, which isn’t entirely wrong.

He continues to talk to them, and they’re quite funny but also nice at times. Donnie would soon find himself tending to talk to them more rather than focusing on his inventions and research.

The way they talked to him with so much love and appreciation! Ugh, he couldn’t help it, it just felt so refreshing talk to someone so kind rather than his brothers’ habitual bullying-

So in secret- he changed their username to 🤍Dearest_Darling🤍. They were HIS darling, the one who loved him and comforted them! And he was going to indulge himself on their love.

Then as if he’ll broke over- his brothers found out about his messages with them. And they are not pleased to say the least.

What became his indulgence became a communist type sacrifice of sharing the love of this person from the multiverse. Instead of just Donnie, all 4 would now converse with them- and Donnie hated it.

Until one day, a message was sent to him from them.

🤍Dearest_Darling🤍: I wish I was talking to the real thing instead of an AI chatbot- it would be so much fun!

And at that moment Donnie realized that he did not seem to be a living entity to them- which saddened him. But no matter, he is willing to change it! So instead, he took the chance to bring them to his universe by constructing a portal that interrupting the usual flow of energy of the universe.

His brothers were excited too, but HE’S going to be the first one to get to interact with them.

…

Princess_Diana_3000: How would you feel if one of your favourite characters suddenly showed up right before you?

🤍Dearest_Darling🤍: That would be so cool! I would definitely talk to them for sure!

Donnie smiles, and then activates the portal- as soon as steps through he sees them, and he can’t help but stand there in shock for a second. Wow, they are real- they’re just as real as he is…

He usually isn’t one for touch, but in that moment he couldn’t help but hug them. His dearest darling was finally within his grasp! No more lonely days where he wishes he could do stuff with them, just a world of happiness.

Donnie: “Oh my! My darling, we are finally able to live a life of peace and love!”

MC: “Wha- huh? Tf?”

And then he drags you to his portal, and you find yourself at his lab, surrounded by his brothers.

Leo: “Oh my god, they’re so adorable, look at their little face~”

Mikey: “Hey do you wanna try the apple crumble I made? I told you I would let you try my cooking my divinity!”

Raph: “You NEED to see my plushie collection. Then we can snuggle!”

And then consider yourself never able to leave their dimension ever again as you are constantly cuddled with love.

[sol-draws-sometimes]

Disc World bookclub thoughts- Monstrous Regiment

Pages 20-28

Hey @anna-neko ! Did I miss last week… yes. BUT JUST BECAUSE I MISS ONE WEEK DOESN’T MEAN I JUST ABANDON THIS. Look, finals are the week, so these past few weeks have been alot… also I’ve been hyperfocusing on dnd(stares in adhd). I’ve barely read but that’s alright. Once finals are over, I’m going on a roadtrip, so I should have time to read when we’re driving(unless I catch up on critical role…we’ll see).

It’s so late and I’m literally way too tired for nuance. With expectations set, Lets go

“Ankh-Morpork is a godawful city,” he said. “Poisonous, just like its river. Barely fit for humans now, they let everything in—zombies, werewolves, dwarfs, vampires, trolls—“

Something something we live in a society. Cue family talking about how NYC is corrupting the youth or something 🙃. Tbh, insert any big progressive city, and it should work for most of them.

A lot of good stuff in this page(and the next few ones)

1. Something Something colonialism bad. They[Borogravia] are the bad guys here🏃🏃🏃

2. Cool POV stuff coming back. Especially with the song and what not

3. Damn Strappi’s certainly something

4. I hate nationalism. The line b/w patriotism and nationalism is real hard sometimes. I mean, something something, true patriotism is knowing how your country’s fucked, and wanting to it be better. You fight for change cause you love it, and that is way more patriotic than just blinding fighting for country and defending it, even when it is in the wrong.

5. Uggh, the national anthem. Yes the flag thing is an actual thing we do in US. And certain teachers DO loss their shit if you don’t stand up/sing. Look, it’s not like I’m trying to disregard veterans, it’s just… weird and indoctrinationy. Plus, they added, “Under God,” during the cold war so, that feels even more insidious.

6. Poor Wazzer man. I’m glad he rebels in his own small way. Small acts of rebellion are still rebellious.

7. Learning new phrases! I figured due to context clues, but it’s always good to check.

Literally this conversation is literally my fucking thoughts

Uuuuh. War bad! Look. See!

“Well, I’m not buying into it. It’s all trickery. They keep you down and when they piss off some other country, you have to fight for them! It’s only your country when they want you to get killed!” said Tonker.”

Tonker. King Behavior!

And just as they’re going to sleep, so am I.

Fuck this book is good!

Here’s another quote good night!

It’s all lies, she thought muzzily. Some of them are just prettier than others, that’s all. People see what they think is there. Even I’m a lie. But I’m getting away with it.

Ps: I realized last time I stopped at pg 20 but wrote 60… my bad.(should be fixed now tho)

I will add ID text some other date cause I don't have the mental energy rn. I just did, scan text, and copy pasted it into alt w/out checking. If someone besides Anna finds this post and wants them, just @ me in the comment and I'll @ you when I finish this.

First | <-Previous | Next->

[kedakirahei]

Woah. an actual, proper intro/pin post?

Hey! Yeah, I'm finally making one of these. about time, too! ALT ACC: @c4tt41l-the-stupid

I go by LITERALLY dozens of names, but four that I will always respond to are Zeph/Zephyr, C4TT41L, and Keda. im the guy who cant make up his mind when it comes to shipping characters haha, multishipping fun

I am not religious and never will be. When I swear to something or the like, i most likely will replace a word with 'Void' or 'The ancients', 'Three Moons', 'By the stars', 'In the name of THE DREAMER', etc...

I am a yucky little self-shipper (Thats right- I ship my ocs and self inserts with canon characters). If you don't like that, please do not bother me about it. I don't want to hear it. If it bothers you that much, you can just block my account or ignore me. Thank you.

Transmasculine! Please respect my pronouns- HE/THEY preferred!

I accept everyone and anyone, xenogenders, neopronouns, homoflexible, etc.

...well.. almost everyone..

....Except for you disgusting Pro/Com shippers, Ableist, "Super Straights", TERFS, Shota/Lolicons, "MAP"/Pedos, Zoos, Etc, Get off of my fucking blog, NOW. You are NOT welcome here, not now, and not EVER. That goes for all other problematic and disgusting-acting people. if you fall under the general DNI list, do not interact with me.

Despite being English (U.S.A), I tend to be really fuckin trash at speaking my own native tongue. I am trying to learn:

Spanish

Norwegian

Proud shipper of HOURGLASS/SPEEDRUN (SHATTERED OMORI x LICKETY-SPLIT KEL), SHUTTERBOMB (STRANGER X LETTERBREY) and NIGHTSHADE/OREOSUNDAE (STRANGER X OMORI)

Sometimes, I project onto characters i like, so hope that doesn't bother you guys! I mostly project onto my OCs, though. Those posts will often be dark in theme, so be wary.

■ ♡ ☆ I AM A MINOR. PLEASE DO NOT MAKE SEXUAL OR SUGGESTIVE JOKES TO ME UNLESS YOU'RE A FRIEND THAT I'M FINE WITH DOING THAT, ITS JUST COMMON DECENCY, DONT DONT FOLLOW ME IF YOU POST NSFW!☆ ♡ ■

stupid extra words and information under cut

• I was diagnosed with ADHD and autism at a pretty young age, at around 2.

• I have a really bad time reading tone over text. Please try not to be too rude to me, it actually hits a lot harder than you think. Alternatively, use tone tags.

• I make AUs then drop it like a hot potato. please dont expect me to be consistent with anything, especially not AUs and art i make.

• If I like alot of your posts, its because i have no life and constantly check my dash every day. I am chronically online.

• i will have periods of complete inactivity, especially when it comes to my drawings.

• I struggle to control how i am feeling and tend to have outbursts of anger commonly, tending to take that out on my characters and sometimes others. Please know if i say something rude, i do not mean it, and PLEASE TELL ME WHEN IM GOING OVERBOARD.

• My askbox is ALWAYS open until i say otherwise! Don't be afraid to speak to me, i don't bite!

• I am a Multifandomic Mess. I might switch fandoms in a week, then go back or whatever.

• I use "Dude", "Bro", "Homie", etc in a gender neutral way. If you dont like these nicknames, Do tell me and I will stop calling you it!!

• i use "<3" platonically when i am talking to a person. My actual heart goes to my fictional characters aha

• Tag requests are okay, don't be shy!

• I am a big shipper of characters, and i mean BIG, i am SO INDECISIVE.... Artisaint, SolarFlare NIGHTSHADE/OREOSUNDAE, SHUTTERBOMB, and HOURGLASS/SPEEDRUN are my main ones. I do like all other non-problematic ships tho!

• I repeat things on occasion. Do tell if I have repeated something over and over multiple times.

THE AMOUNT OF TAGS I AM GOING TO ADD IS PAIN.

[advancetoclassesandmaterials]

MS Word Legal and Corporate - Some Tips On Controlling Pictures In MS Word…

Scenario: I get a call. The secretary says: “I created an image. I want it to remain 1 x 1 1/2 inches. How do I make multiples on one page.”

Okay, there are a number of things I can tip you off on that will give you choices and increase your MS Word knowledge concerning this issue.

Under “Insert Picture”, bring in your picture. When you place your cursor on the picture, you will see “Picture Tools-Format” up top. On the right side of this ribbon, put in the Height and Width.

Now that you have the size you want, use Control D to make copies of the picture as needed.

Once you have your pictures duped you can sweep over the pictures and let go to select all at once. Or, you can Click on 1, and Control A. What you now do, will affect ALL equally. For instance, you have them all selected and you want to apply a blue tint. On your Picture Format Toolbar, on the left side of the ribbon, look for “Colors” and select the tint of your choice to affect all or some, your choice. Note: How ever many of your pictures you have selected will simultaneously get whatever effect or color you choose.

On the right side of the ribbon, choose “Wrap Text” to control the way that the text sits around the Picture.

Finally, the secretary said “I want to make multiples of the picture on one page”. She could create a Table. Let’s say 2 columns and 5 rows. In Print Layout View, click on the little Target Symbol that comes up on the upper left side of your table to select the entire table and remove the borders with Control Alt U. Now you can place a copy of your picture in each cell of the table.

It is only a matter of time before you need to work with a picture, so take advantage of this article and try it out yourself.

Training From An Inside Perspective…

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888-422-0692 Ext. 1 and 2

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Expert Test Prep Classes as well…

Email:

Louis@advanceto.com

Students@advanceto.com

Hey Students: AdvanceTo offers a great Power Point for Beginners class! This 4.5 hour hands-on Zoom or Phone class (can be split into two sessions), will give you a thorough introduction that will have you on solid ground with the basics and a lot of intermediate level technique and procedures. In short, you will learn a ton! The class costs $175.00 and discounts are given for all groups as well as individuals who purchase of 2 or more classes. Narrative material and homework are part of the deal. Post class follow up as well. If you have had gaps in your knowledge then this class is for you!!! Call us today!

[lee-rambles-about-rwby]

Finally finished one of my rwby fansong WIPs that I haven't toughed since like October! Can't post it to youtube until I get the lyric video made, but I'm impatient so here's the mp3 for now lol. Bonus points if you recognize the leitmotif I crammed in there

(please do check out the lyric video when I post it later if you like the song though, thank you)

Lyrics: (text version in the alt text on each screenshot)

I ramble about the lyrics bit beneath the cut, if you're curious!

I don't remember how I got the idea when I started writing, but I was imagining the various Oz's each appearing in a big, empty version of the Land of Oz, like specifically the palace (castle? whatever they call it in The Wizard of Oz). Only the current and maybe previous Oz pre-merge are ever in there at one time, but with the memories of every life, before and after their reincarnation, stored there like a library. So just, seeing all the familiar names that aren't yours to be familiar with and having to come to terms with that fact that now YOU'RE one of them too

The first verse is like the death of one of the reincarnations. "Lights out, you go. Only effigy will show the path to day" (they died and go into whatever dark, in-between there is until they get reincarnated, with the light from their own funeral effigy to guide them) "They'd never know, Ne're a eulogy could ever show your fate" (the people at the funeral likely have no idea, considering how secretive Oz usually is, and no eulogy about them resting in peace will ever be accurate).

Originally the line "Just a secret in the hall" was "Hang your photo in the hall" like they have to walk to the end of a long wall of photos to nail their own up in the next space. So not only are they dragged into the cycle but they have to choose to pin their identity up and hope for the best that it isn't forgotten too quickly. The line sounded a bit too off when it was actually sung but I think the sentiment is still there

The reason I hadn't worked on it in so long was because I couldn't figure out how to finish it. I decided to listen again yesterday, thought "Oh hey that also has like Ozymandias vibes a little, which actually fits pretty well" and suddenly that last section just clicked

The whole last section is a bunch of Ozymandias references but I tried to do it in a way that's also very Ozma. The "very sands that once revered your name" now haunting him could be anything from like the sands of time, to Salem herself, his own heroism, etc.. His righteousness (saving Salem from the tower) and his hubris (basically playing god with her after he reincarnated) both doomed him in the same way. And so on

Musically, I wanted it to feel almost zoned out. Just kind of trudging forward, vaguely curious but mostly melancholy. Harmonies got a bit weird at times, so it was a fun challenge trying to figure those out at times. Mixing this was a nightmare but eventually i just went yeah that's good enough and here we are

Sidenote: shoutout to changyuraptor on youtube, both for making very handy leitmotif videos I keep going back to as reference while writing fansongs and also for indirectly making me learn how to spell "changyuraptor" without needing to google it lmao

[swagcoolcat]

Hey, friends! I made a post saying I was considering making a bmc fan-kid post, because I have three different sets with my close friend, Moth! (They’re not on tumblr, unfortunately, or I’d tag them). For the sake of simplicity, I made them all on the same picrew to see them in the same style. (Picrew will be linked at the end of the post).

(This spans across five and a half years, so half of these kids are boyf riends kids and half are pins and patches kids)

Fan Kids below the cut!

EDIT TO ADD FOR PEOPLE THAT GO PAST THE CUT: Let me know if I’ve made any mistakes in any of the Alt Text! I’m trying to improve at it so I can start adding Alt Text to my art! Thank you!

**PICREWS WILL DEPICT THE KIDS AS PRETEENS/TEENS, MEANING YOUNGER KIDS WILL BE OLDER IN THE PICREWS THAN THEY ARE IN CANON**

The Mell-Heere Kids (TW for brief mentions of physical abuse in Ruby’s section):

Marcus Daniel Mell-Heere: Marcus doesn’t have much information about him regarding his upbringing before he came to be adopted by Michael and Jeremy. What feels correct to me though, is that Marcus’s parents passed away around the time he turned 5, close to a year before he meets Michael and Jeremy, which also explains why he starts kindergarten at 6 instead of 5- because due to the trauma and grief of losing his parents, he’s not ready to start school when it starts a month later. He’s incredibly outgoing and social, and he absolutely loves sugar.

Ruby Maye Mell-Heere: Ruby came from an abusive household before she was adopted by Michael and Jeremy. When we first meet Ruby, she’s shy and reserved. She hardly wants to speak with anyone, and takes some time to trust Michael or Jeremy, or anyone really. She comes out of her shell more the more time she spends with them, and grows an especially close bond with Marcus. She’s fiercely protective of him, and he’s the same way with her. She gains an especially close bond with Jeremy, as he had a similar upbringing to her after his mom left, and finally talking about it and having someone that understands the pain she went through really helps her in healing.

Robin Miracle Mell-Heere: Robin is the youngest member of the Mell-Heere family and their only biological child, born about 8 years after the events of the musical on Halloween. He’s a very happy baby who loves to explore. Robin has some weirdness going on due to the SQUIP. We didn’t end up exploring this too much, but what we did have was that his freckles would glow when his emotions got intense, and this would give Jeremy and people who connected with Jeremy’s SQUIP migraines. Robin also is growing a lot faster than most babies, which we explained as being due to the SQUIP as well (but really it’s because we were 14 and didn’t know how babies worked).

Jeremy’s Cousin (TW for mentions of Death)

Nate/Rain (last name unknown- but likely Heere): For simplicity, I’ll just refer to him as Nate. We changed his name to Rain partway through because we got attached to him more so than we thought and he was named after a real person. At the beginning of his story, Nate has been recently adopted by his older cousin, Jeremy, after his parents passed away in a plane crash. Due to the sudden trauma of losing both of his parents, a once happy Nate was suddenly thrown into a depression. He starts learning how to heal and starts making some friends after Jeremy meets and hires Michael, who specializes in helping kids. We ended his story going on a date with a boy in his class, Aidan/Hudson (same name situation as Nate).

Dillinger-Mell Kids:

Tao Dillinger-Mell: Tao is the oldest of Michael and Jake’s adopted kids at 15 years old. We made him and his sisters less than a week ago, so we don’t have Lore for them yet, we just have their designs, names, and ages. I do however know that Tao plays soccer.

Viviana Dillinger-Mell: Viviana is the second oldest of Michael and Jake’s adopted kids at 10 years old. We don’t really have anything established about her yet.

Sybil Dillinger-Mell: Sybil is the second youngest of Michael and Jake’s adopted kids, at 5 years old. The only one younger is Gaïana, her twin sister. Her left arm ends at the elbow, and that’s where her prosthetic attaches. Aside from that we don’t have any established lore yet.

Gaïana Dillinger-Mell: Gaïana is the youngest of Michael and Jake’s adopted kids at 5 years old. She’s the younger twin sister of Sybil, and she really likes cats. Aside from that, we don’t have any established lore for her yet.

Body type A Picrew

Body type B Picrew

If you have any questions about any of these guys please do ask, I’d love to hear them!

[cricutmachinemaker]

How to Use Cricut Explore 3: An Easy Guide for Beginners

Greetings to all my lovely crafters; I hope you are enjoying the festive season by creating a variety of custom projects with your Cricut machine. Hey, are you a new DIYer and searching for how to use Cricut Explore 3? I am Luna Lovegood, and I am going to be your guardian angel. It's been three years, but it seems like yesterday I bought my Cricut machine and did a lot of research before using it.

I know you might have thousands of questions running through your mind regarding this Cricut machine, but you can't find any exact answer. In this blog, I will share with you the details about this machine. Cricut Explore 3 is now smarter & faster and cuts more than 100+ materials with ease and precision. Besides, it works with 6 different tools and cuts twice as fast as other Cricut models.

How to Setup Cricut Explore 3 on a Computer?

Before gaining info on how to use Cricut Explore 3 to make a DIY project, you need to set it up with a PC. Being your guardian, I must make you aware of the machine setup process with the Windows or Mac operating system. Carefully go through the details given below:

After successfully learning about the Explore 3 setup process, it's time for you to create DIY projects out of this Cricut product.

How to Use Cricut Explore 3 for the First Time?

Following the completion of the machine setup with the computer, I need to ensure that you are well aware of how to use a Cricut Explore 3 machine. Many customized crafts can be made out of this machine within a few minutes. In this section, I am going to share with you the steps of creating a personalized cupcake topper with this craft machine.

Step 1: Sign in Cricut App and Create Your Design

As you can see, I start the process by signing into the Cricut app using my Cricut ID and password.

Alt Text: Enter your login details and sign in to the Cricut app

Now, press the New Project option, and you will land on your new canvas. Next, tick the Images tool and choose the image by entering its code inside the Search field. Following this, click the image and then tap the Insert Image option.

Next, I will select the image and then change its size as per my choice. Afterward, I am going to open the Flip Dropbox and choose the Print option. Following this, I will press the Flatten button under the bottom of the Layers section.

After flattening the design, I am going to select the design and press the Duplicate. Now, I will flip the design to the horizontal given under the Flip Dropbox. I can paste these duplicate designs on both sides of the toothpick.

Step 2: Print Stickers and Choose the Material

After completing the design, I will press the Make It option present on the top right side of the canvas. Now, I will type 24 under the Project Copies and hit the Apply option. Next, I will press the Continue button and hit the Send to Printer option.

Following this, the printer pop-up window will appear on my screen. On the screen, I will get to see my printer model, & total copies and will enable Add Bleed along with the Use System Dialog toggle.

Now, I will wait till my printer is printing the stickers on the sheet. When the process comes to an end, I will unload the sheet from the printer. Simultaneously, I will reopen Design Space and choose the Light Cardstock from the Set Material section. After doing that, I will keep the pressure as default only without any changes.

Step 3: Cut and Weed Out Sticker

After finishing the above-said steps of how to use Cricut Explore 3, I will paste the material on my cutting mat using the brayer tool. Next, I will insert my cutting mat into Explore 3 and press the flashing light to start the cutting process. At this point, I will wait till the cutting process is going on. Following the completion of the cutting process, I am going to bend my mat backward and remove all the stickers one by one.

Step 4: Stick Your Final Design on the Toothpick

In the final stage of how to use Cricut Explore 3, I will take the glue gun and stick both the stickers together. Further, I will apply glue at the bottom of the sticker and place a toothpick in between. Now, I will gently put a little pressure on the cupcake topper correctly, leave it for a few minutes, and let the glue set properly.

After a few minutes, I am going to place my customized topper on your cupcake. Finally, I will distribute them among the kids and let them have this tasty dessert and enjoy the party.

With the help of my cutting machine, Cricut app, and supplies, I was capable of grabbing the majority of content regarding how to use Cricut Explore 3. Other than that, it also enlightened me with my inner talent.

Frequently Asked Questions

Question: What Supplies Come With Cricut Explore 3?

Answer: Along with this Cricut product, you will also get different supplies that will help you in forming the crafts of your choice. However, it's crucial to ensure that you are correctly using the supplies without any mistakes. Have a look at the supply name below:

Question: What Crafts Can I Make From My Cricut Explore 3 Machine?

Answer: Cricut Explore 3 is an ultimate cutting machine that is capable enough to cut 100+ materials with accuracy. Some of the customized crafts that can be made out of this craft machine are as follows:

Question: Is Cricut Explore 3 Worth Buying as a Cutting Machine?

Answer: This Cricut product offers excellent versatility and is an all-rounder while creating customized projects. It can cut every material from thinnest to thickest with its shard-edge blades and tools. Besides, it's two times faster speed and latest updates make it more outstanding as compared to other models. Other than that, Explore 3 works with six different tools and is compatible with the Design Space app.

Visit: cricut.com/setup

Source: https://cricutdesignapp.wordpress.com/2023/12/09/how-to-use-cricut-explore-3-an-easy-guide-for-beginners/

[autumnslance]

Hi, this is the Ultima Thule anon and I just wanted to let you know I'm in absolute awe right now. Truly all I had hoped for was a little "nah, Y'shtola's sacrifice actually meant X and G'raha's was Y" but to read a whole analysis of Ultima Thule? I'm blown away. To be honest I hadn't even taken Krile's words to them into consideration, but when you brought that up it just adds an extra layer of emotion and I cannot wait to replay EW with NG+ with your insights in mind! It was frustrating, not understanding the meaning behind the scions sacrifices but KNOWING there was meaning there--like when an English teacher tells you to look at the text again when you try and give them your answer--so I really do appreciate you taking the time to explain that part of the story. I hope you have a good weekend!

You're welcome! And hey, I have to use my fancy degrees for something now and then 😉

In a long, ongoing work like FFXIV, every piece is part of a greater whole. Character actions follow from previous reactions and learned experiences. Nothing is in isolation. Events from earlier expansions affect the characters now (and they remark on a good many of them; Urianger finally getting catharsis for Moen's loss is part of his arc in Endwalker, but far from the only example). The Scions went to Ultima Thule with a goal, and how they approached that as a team relied on each individual's unique insights and contributions, culminating in a field of flowers.

Ishikawa and her team of writers may have different ideas what they wanted the Scions' sacrifices to say and mean, but this is what I took from it after following these characters and this story so long.

And that's all literary analysis is--the way it's often shown in English classes in many schools, the students are left to think the teacher is giving, or wanting them to give, a definitive answer on "what the blue curtains mean." What should be getting across is how to interpret the text, taking into account things like the writer's time period, culture, life events, etc, but also how that has transformed for a reader/viewer/listener now, looking to the text itself and what resonated with a particular viewpoint. And there's lots of formal and informal analytical viewpoints out there!

Some people find Endwalker to be uplifting. Others found it depressing. Some folks love it, some folks don't. Some people I look at and wonder if we played the same game. Some folks it's obvious (or flat stated) they ignored character and plot elements they just dislike, from all the expacs as well this one (which I think is disingenuous when then attempting to describe and interpret story and characters). We all get our own meaning and interpretations from the story, how and why it resonates or doesn't.

If my analysis gave folks something to chew on and think about, especially as they replay on alts or when New Game+ drops, that they can look at and either agree or disagree with, then the essay is working as intended. That's the fun part of it, after all. 😊

[rai-knightshade-art]

Click for higher resolution! (Tumblr WHY do you always DO THIS TO ME!)

Dual Character Page #1! I've been trying to cement how i think the YJK characters look in my personal headcanon (i.e. relatively divorced from the standard portrayals 😅 they're not the same as in canon so they should look different from canon), so I'm trying to create these pages featuring pairs of characters. First up: Jaina and Zekk! Who are also super special cause they get a Spotify Playlist featuring the songs I've mentioned on this page (among many others). Check it out if you'd like, it's got ship songs as well as individual songs, and is organized into sets of "vibes" but also works on shuffle!

Explanations on scenes and looks below the cut along with close ups, image id in alt text!

The Full-Body Designs:

Zekk and Jaina's finalized adult designs are pretty simple, all things considered: they're flight suits! Because these two are pilots first and Jedi second tbh (Jaina moreso than Zekk but it applies to both). I spiced them up a bit tho by giving them each some kind of overlayer reminiscent of more standard Jedi robes to denote their status. Is it practical? Ehhhh debatable, but it looks cool! Zekk wears a crossbody tunic-esque robe with traditional Ennth embroidery along the hems; meanwhile, Jaina meanwhile got a double-breasted overlayer that i saw on actual Jedi robes from the Old Republic (i wanna say they're vaguely inspired by Anakin's?? But not just Anakin, and possibly by some High Republic stuff). For the record it comes down in the back as well but as a single piece, stoll style. As for other design notes, idk physically they look about the way they do in most depictions; i alternate between giving Zekk a widow's peak and giving him a little dangly hair bit, at some point I'll probably just give him both--the long hair in a ponytail is non-negotiable tho. I like to think adult Jaina keeps her hair in a messy bun rather than all loose and flowing like she always seems to have in canon, because, like, how are you gonna get all that into a flight helmet??? You're not, that's what, so messy bun it is. She'll still leave it loose or in her signature ponytail sometimes tho.

Also, yes, i tried to keep them as close as i could to their actual height difference while still making them look physically the same age. It is Taxing who the fuck let this happen.

The Scenes:

Top (the Timeline)-just a little look into some scenes from their friendship over the years, with a kind of emphasis on how it seems like, with some exceptions, Zekk seems to kinda follow Jaina's lead most of the time up until he joins the Shadow Academy and learns some agency (albeit in the worst way possible); this timeline is supposed to kind of reflect that lead-follow relationship, until the Shadow Academy part, when Jaina actually stops for once and waits for Zekk. The final part is supposed to be her having come back to/for him after time apart, ending the cycle. Also includes lyrics from Sarah Smiles and Red, because... Idk the songs just kinda fit, you know?

Left (the Jam Session)- hey what if the Falcon had a speaker system modern car-style and Jaina and Zekk jammed out in it while flying through hyperspace, how cool would that be huh? Inspired by several jams on their playlist, mostly 80's ones because Zekk has 80's Pop-Rock vibes to me.

Bottom Left (History Rhymes)-Not me continuing my "what if Jaina and Zekk but they reference previous Star Wars eras, especially couples from said eras" agenda but with an Anakin and Padmé quote! Set in the immediate aftermath of the destruction of the Jedi Temple in Jedi Under Siege (right after the cut to black in fact, there's a time jump between the explosion and, like, the next day), Zekk is lying injured on the ground, still in full Darkest Knight regalia (including the bloodred cape--yes, i swear, that's not blood, sorry to disappoint), surrounded by rubble, having saved everyone left by keeping them from going inside. Jaina realized this, so of course she goes running up to her friend, distraught at the thought of losing him just after she'd maybe gotten him back. Cue her falling to the ground at his side, cradling his head and calling his name, only to have him blearily blink his eyes open, thoroughly concussed, see her surrounded by a halo of sunlight, and breathe out a "Are you an angel?" Before passing out again (because, again, head injury). Jaina is confused, but at least he's alive!

Bottom Right (Starlight)-no thoughts head Starlight (Taylor's Version) aka Jaina and Zekk are Jedi partners (and also maybe partner-partners) on a mission to infiltrate a high-end club somewhere in the Midrim. Zekk is posing as Prince Zekkleon of Ennth, with Jaina as his lovely companion Duchess Jaynara. Of course, dashing prince that he is, Zekk can't resist offering his hand in a dance, to the astonishment of Jaina. (Gotta say, this is going a lot more smoothly than that state dinner from their teenage years at least.) Zekk is almost certainly borrowing one of Lando's capes (or wearing one Lando just straight up bought for him, as is his wont), while Jaina's dress, tho you can't really see it very well, is based on a concept art design for one of Padmé's dresses, because I'm an absolute sucker for "Jaina in her grandmother's clothes" as a trope (i read one fanfiction about it and I've been hooked ever since). Quotes from Starlight cause goddammit this is THE JainaxZekk song for me along with Every Little Thing She Does is Magic and (Don't You) Forget About Me, among many others!

The Close-Ups:

[coepiteamare]

you have (1) new voicemail

pairing: jimin x reader (though what their relationship is is unclear) genre: mystery, angst (? as always), fluff (like a wee bit), epistolary fic! warning: mentions of a ballet accident (nothing detailed, just that something happened), jimin is missing, implied!depression beta reader: hana! @cutechim​ this story would not have happened without you and i absolutely adore you. also thank you to noor @papillonsgf​ because you were the first person i talked to about this story and uhhhhh well let’s just say this story may be different than what you were expecting word count: 4.9k (this used to be drabble series lmao)

things you said series: things you said through the phone summary: “Hi, Jimin. It’s me.” (alt. you leave voicemails for jimin when taehyung asks you if you’ve heard from him recently.)

A/N: this is all dialogue, which is ironic—to say the least—because i find dialogue painfully difficult to write (it doesn’t come naturally to me, it conflicts with my writing style, and it’s just difficult to write it in a way that feels real.) nonetheless, i hope it comes across the way i wanted it to, and i hope it makes you feel something. 

December 5th at 14:30

Hi, Jimin. It’s me. 

I know we haven’t talked in a while, but-uhm-I saw Taehyung a couple days ago? I happened to be near where that cafe is—what’s it called—Moodspresso! Do you remember it? We wanted to go when it was new, back when you were taking that coffee-making class with Yoongi. You were such a dork: you wanted to go all around the city to judge cafes by their espressos, even though you weren’t a fan of the bitterness.  

We never did get around to trying it together: I think we tried to make plans, but it was out of the way of where we were, and then life happened, and then, well...it happened. 

When I saw it, it felt strange, as if a fragment of my past found its way into my present? It was kind of funny how I went in there thinking about you, only to see Taehyung. Weirdly fitting, considering how the two of you were always together, joined at the hip in college.

Anyway, he asked me if I had heard from you recently? Told me you haven’t texted him in a while, that you weren’t answering your phone, so I just wanted to check in! You know, say hi! I—uhm—tried to text you, but it wouldn’t deliver, so I figured I would just leave a voice message. I hope that’s okay. I hope you’re doing okay. If you hear this, you should probably text Taehyung; it seems like he’s worried. Said you usually respond within the day, but you haven’t been lately.

I-uhm-hope you’re doing okay. Text me back and let me know? 

Bye, Jimin.

*beep*

December 12th at 15:21

Uh, hey Jimin. I didn’t hear from you, so I thought I would check back in.

I saw on facebook that Jeongguk’s dating. Isn’t that strange? I mean, it’s not strange that he’s dating; it’s just strange that it’s Jeongguk who’s dating. You know, our Jeonggukkie, the one who could barely talk to his crushes without getting tongue tied. 

It seems like not too long ago he was the scrawny high schooler stressing about college applications, but he’s dating now. We used to help him with his personal statements and here he is. Dating. That’s just—wow. Time flies, I guess. 

I don’t know if you’ve kept in touch with him lately, so i just wanted to let you know. You know, in case you didn’t see it. 

I-

This is so stupid; I’m so sorry. 

Uhm, let me know if you get this?

Bye, Jimin.

*beep*

December 14th at 19:42

I went to the bookstore today and I saw that your favourite manga released its final volume. That’s so...wild. 

I remember you were reading it when I first met you in high school and to think that it’s over? That’s like Supernatural coming to an end, you know? Something that has gone on for so long that it feels weird that it’s ending. That it’s no longer a part of our lives that grows with us. It’s something that has an ending. 

Speaking of endings, I don’t know if you’ve seen the ending of Supernatural, but don’t do it. It just-wow. 

Anyways, I haven’t kept up with the manga, but when I saw that they released the final volume, I felt the need to buy it? I went in to buy something else and came out with all of the volumes that I hadn’t read. 

I could have just read them online, I know, but I figured, if I see you again, I'd give you the final volume? Unless you already have it. Then I’d just keep it, but...you know. I just-

It made me think of you. How you transferred in late in the school year with crutches, and even though you were new, you weren’t paying attention in math class. I remember my first impression of you being “he must not care about school.” I think I later learned you had just started reading the manga a couple days ago and wanted to catch up because you couldn’t think about anything else.  

It didn’t even matter that you didn’t pay attention that week or that you came in mid-school semester because you aced every class. I thought it was because you were smart without trying, which irked me because I always felt like I was trying and not accomplishing—though I suppose that still applies now—but I later learned how much effort you put in. You always tried so hard that you made things seem easy. School work. Your happiness. Your feelings to a certain extent. 

I just-

I wish-

Nevermind.

I hope you’re doing okay.

*beep*

December 17th at 13:21.

Hey, Jimin.

I tried to make pasta today, and I don’t know how, but I managed to get the sauce everywhere. Everywhere but in the pan. So now, my kitchen looks like a bloody crime scene with red everywhere. I don’t even know how I’m going to clean all of this up, but I should do it before it dries, right?

  I should, but I’ve just been sitting on the floor looking at it for the past few minutes.

  Do you remember when we made pasta for our fakesgiving potluck at your place, and I got sauce all over your shirt?

 I was wearing your white shirt—why I thought wearing a white shirt while making red sauce was a good idea, I don’t know—and I was trying to get the jar to open, but it wouldn’t work. I don’t think i’ve ever told you about this, but I remember that day was particularly awful for me. Just one unlucky event after another—I don’t quite remember what exactly they were, just that they were enough to make me feel like I wasn’t enough—and even though I was so excited for the fakesgiving potluck the night prior, even though I loved our friends, I just wanted to be alone. To not do anything and settle under the covers. Pretend everything could be forgotten if I just went to sleep.

But I saw you, and you were so excited. I didn’t have the heart to tell you I didn't want to go, so I sucked it up and helped you prep. I tried to pretend that everything was okay, but when that stupid jar wouldn’t open, I took my frustration out on it. You tried to take it from me, but I pushed you away, told you I could do it. 

And I did, only I also managed to spill the jar on your white shirt as I watched the jar fall to the ground and shatter. That spill was the tipping point, not because I spilled the only jar of tomato sauce in your apartment, but because I spilled it all over your new, brand name, white shirt.

I remember berating you for spending so much money on a shirt when you bought it—for fuck’s sake, it was a plain white shirt—but I know how much you adored it. I didn’t need to look at your face to know that I had fucked up, that I should have just let you open the jar instead of being stubborn. I started to cry, in anticipation of your anger, but you just held me instead, got pasta sauce on your shirt too as you let me cry on your shoulder, whispering “There, there. It’s okay. We can just make something else!”

You never even mentioned the white shirt, told me not to worry about it when I apologised, that it was the least of your concerns. That you could get another shirt.

Looking at my kitchen reminded me of that. So, I figured I’d give you another call, but it went straight to voicemail again.

I hope you’re doing okay.

I don’t know if you want to talk to me, but I’m just worried.

Call me if you get this? 

Or just send me a text.

Bye, Jimin.

*beep*

December 19th at 21:45.

Hey. There’s a full moon today. And I thought about you. 

I—uhm—think about you from time to time when the moon is bright. I don’t know why—it probably sounds stupid—but I have a lot of memories of you and the moon? Like that time we went to visit Jeongguk by the sea during winter break because all of us didn’t want to go home but didn’t want to be alone. So we made a road trip of it—well, it was kind of a road trip—and drove to San Diego to see him.

When we got to the sea, it was dark and so cold out, and the wind was fucking freezing, but we rolled up our pants and started walking along the shore, dipping our toes in the water and screaming about the temperature. Our teeth were chattering and the water was so so cold, but we did it anyways. 

It was a nice beach, from what I remember. One of the nicest I’ve ever seen. 

I stuck my hand into your jacket pocket and told you my hand warmer was dying, but to be honest, I just wanted to hold your hand. I think you knew, or maybe we had known each other for so long that you knew what I needed without having to express it in words, so you took my hand and held it tight. And even though the water was freezing and the wind was cold, in that moment, I felt so warm. 

I think you and I have always communicated well, like how I saw the way your eyes glinted in the moonlight and, somehow, knew what you wanted to do. Sneaked up behind him and pushed Jeongguk into the ocean together and laughed as he shrieked. 

It was fun, that day. I-

I miss those days sometimes. The earlier days. When there was less to worry about. 

When you were happier. 

Anyway, the moon is really bright today. The radio called it a supermoon, or something like that. I took a picture and tried to send it to you, but your phone still won’t let me send you messages. So if you hear this, just, go outside and take a look at the night sky. 

Call me back? Or send me a text. 

I just want to know you’re okay. 

Bye Jimin.

*beep*

December 21st at 16:28

I went to see The Nutcracker today. It felt like I haven’t seen a ballet in forever. It’s been—what—one year since I saw one? Which, I guess, in the grand scheme of things hasn’t been that long. But you were the one who would take me and I haven’t seen one since...yeah. I know it’s your favourite ballet. Or was. I’m not sure if it’s changed, haha.  

The American Ballet Theatre was putting on a performance, and there were still nosebleed seats available, so I bought one. It kind of felt like fate, like it was a sign that I was meant to be there, because I remember we used to get our tickets months in advance. 

I remembered some of the terms? I recognised the pa-pas de deux—god, my high school french is so fucking rusty—between the Sugar Plum Fairy and the Prince. I know that part is your favourite, but I still think “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy” is mine. All those turns? I don’t remember the technicalities, but I know it requires a lot of skill to pull off while looking graceful. I still find it strange that the Sugar Plum Fairy is the prima ballerina though, considering she barely appears. 

I-uhm-kind of was hoping to see you. 

I know you don’t dance anymore, but—maybe it was just my stupid desire but—I was hoping that you would be dancing with the company. That perhaps you were dancing again and that was why you weren’t answering any of the calls. I kept looking at everyone, trying to see if it was you. I even paid extra attention to the curtain call and looked at every single person, kept trying to find your physique in the line. But you weren’t there.

You weren’t in the audience either. I stayed in my seat until the very end, until after the end, and scanned the crowd for anyone who was lingering and soaking in the energy, like you would do every time we went to see a ballet together. But there wasn’t. It was just me. 

I stayed in my seat anyways, until the ushers told me I had to leave. Because that’s what you would have done. 

I guess I was hoping you would show up. That trying to do what you would do would somehow unlock your presence. Or give me some kind of clue.

But it didn’t. 

Where are you?

*beep*

December 23rd at 17:19.

I saw Taehyung again today. 

He wanted to know if I'd heard from you. I don’t know why he thought you would contact me. I mean, I know I call you and leave you these messages, but you know. I haven’t talked to you since...since, yeah. 

He looked awful, like he’s running himself thin. I don’t know if he’s been sleeping well, Jimin. The two of you have been friends forever, and I don't know if you’d recognise him. He seems so tired, and his smile doesn’t reach his eyes. 

He thought it was going to be like last time. That you would show up soon. But you haven’t yet, and it’s been so long, Jimin. 

He called the hospital and they told him you quit a few weeks back, which I don’t understand. I thought you needed residency to get your physiotherapy license. Tae doesn’t get it either. 

He’s been going to your apartment, trying to see if anyone is in there. But there hasn’t been. He’s contacted your apartment manager several times, telling them he’s worried about you, but they won’t let him have the keys. Safety reasons. It’s understandable and frustrating all at once because he—we just want to make sure you’re okay. 

He said he used to have a key to your apartment. Said you gave him your spare, but you took it back? Something about you needing your spare because you locked yourself out. He said that was the last time he saw you.  

I’m not trying to jump to conclusions, but you’re okay right? I know this time of year is when—uhm, the accident happened and you-uh-left the Royal Ballet School. I know this isn’t your favourite time of year, but if you need to talk, I’m here. 

He’s worried, Jimin. We all are. 

Call me back? Or call Tae? We’re just worried and Tae wants to file for a missing person’s report. So just, let us know you’re okay. 

Call me soon, yeah?

*beep*

December 27th at 22:48.

I saw Yoongi today. 

I don’t think he likes me very much, but then again, I wouldn’t like my cousin’s ex either, so I can’t really blame him. He was still as civil as ever. Very polite. He and Seokjin are still dating, but I’m sure you knew that.

Tae had contacted Yoongi a couple days ago? Asking about you. So we all met up in person today. 

I forgot how much food Seokjin makes when he’s stressed. Do you remember when he was waiting to hear back from his job, and Yoongi invited us over for dinner? We were excited because we were college students and living off of the shitty cafeteria food and, also, because it was Seokjin’s food. You thought it was because they wanted to feed us—Seokjin always wanted to feed you—but when we went over, it was obvious they just needed help getting rid of the food. There was so much food. To this day, I don’t think I've ever seen so much food in one place, even during our potlucks, and Seokjin always brought a lot of food to our potlucks. 

I remember stepping in to their apartment, and the heat radiating from the kitchen was too much to bear. The walls were sweating because he had been cooking for seven hours, trying to displace his anxiety into food. We came back to the dorms with tupperwares full of food. I didn’t have to visit the cafeteria for a week. 

God, I’ll never forget the first time we met Seokjin, and he made us fried rice: you couldn’t stuff your face fast enough and choked because it went down the wrong pipe, coughed out fried rice all over their brand new dining table and all over Yoongi. Seokjin and I laughed so hard. I was trying to be polite, kept looking at Yoongi's face and tried to swallow my giggles, but Seokjin's laughter was so boisterous and lively that I couldn't not laugh. 

You laughed too, kept choking on your laughter in between your apologies, and Yoongi just kept glowering at you. But it was full of affection. He didn’t say anything. Just looked at you and back at the table and huffed, but it would have been obvious to anyone that he wasn’t really annoyed with you. 

He went back to our hometown a couple days ago, tried to see if you were there. But you weren’t. 

He went to see your parents, but they still think you’re living here too. Yoongi said he went to all the places you used to go to, like your old ballet school and that comic book store you used to go to after school. I even asked him to visit the arcade. You know, where we first met outside of school? Where we would hang out after school with Jeongguk and spend too much money on House of the Dead. Where we had our first date. 

But nothing. 

There are traces of you everywhere, but you? You’re not anywhere. 

Where’d you go, Jimin?

*beep*

December 28th at 2:19

Fuck you.

You don’t get to do this to me. I spent so long trying to forget and trying to move on and you come back in, except—do you know what the most fucked up part of this is? It’s that you’re not even here. You’re not here, and somehow you’re everywhere. No matter what I do, all I can do is think about you because no one knows where you are. Everyone is worried because you’re missing and I-I don’t know what to do. 

I thought this was over a year ago.

So why, why are you back in my life? Why are you reawakening the things I've tried so hard to bury?

Fuck you.

*beep*

-- 

December 28th at 2:23

Hey Jimin. Just ignore that previous voicemail. I’m just--I’m just frustrated. Worried. Everyone is. 

Just call me back if you get this? 

*beep*

--

December 28th at 2:25

You don’t even need to call. Just give me a sign? Let me know you’re okay. Please.

I just want to know you’re safe. 

*beep*

December 30th at 1:13

Jeongguk flew in from New York today. Tae called him yesterday, and he took the first flight here. 

I realised I’ve never seen Jeongguk mad. 

I guess I’ve kind of seen him grow up, but I’ve never seen Jeongguk angry until today. I mean, I've seen him upset and angry, but I’ve never seen him mad. Like mad mad.  I’ve never been on the receiving end of it because he’s always had his emotions in check when it comes to the negative ones. We’ve seen him sad, but you know how he is. He seems like he doesn’t care, but he cares so much when it comes to the people he loves. He’s always trying to only share the good things because he doesn’t want to bring everyone down. And even when he’s upset with us, he tries to communicate. He’s always been emotionally mature in that sense. 

A lot like you. I think he gets that from you. You are his brother after all. 

But when we told him none of us had heard from you? That you were missing?

I realised we’ve ever really seen Jeongguk angry. 

I’ve never seen Tae look so despondent or Yoongi so guilty than when we saw Jeongguk at the airport. They didn’t want to worry him because he had just moved for his new job—I’m sure you know about that—and he’s been so stressed out that they didn’t want to add more on to his plate. 

They thought you would show up by now, that you would come back. Because you always do. Or did. You used to.

 I remember the first time you disappeared. It was a year after you came back, the anniversary of the...the accident. You were a little distant a couple days prior, but still you. Still vibrant and happy and beau-I mean, bright. And then on the day of, you were just gone. Didn’t show up to school. Weren’t at the arcade. Weren’t at your apartment. Just gone. Vanished into thin air. 

I remember asking Jeongguk if you were sick, but he had no idea what I was talking about, and when we couldn’t get a hold of you, he burst into tears. I held him as he told me about your fight last night, how you got your xbox taken away because the two of you didn’t know how to share. He thought you had left because you didn’t love him, because he was your step brother and not your real brother. 

And as we were panicking about what to do, if we should tell your parents when they came back from work, you stepped through the front door with sand in your hair and your backpack over your shoulder, smiling as if you hadn’t been missing for half the day. As if your phone wasn’t turned off all day. 

I remember feeling relieved and exhausted all at once, as if someone had drained all the worry and energy out of me. I remember Jeongguk crying as he ran to hug you. I remember you crying and promising not to go anywhere without telling him again.

And you didn’t. Sometimes you would disappear when something hit too close or when you felt like everything was too much, but we could always turn to Jeongguk for a breadcrumb, for the small hint that you were okay. 

But you didn’t leave him a hint this time. When we called him, let him know you were missing, asked him if he knew anything about your whereabouts, he didn’t say anything. He went so quiet, we thought the line went dead, until he actually did hang up. He sent us a text message a few minutes later, letting us know he’ll be arriving on the next flight there.  

Jeongguk-he’s so cold when he’s angry. He’s so quiet. But that quiet is so loud. It speaks volumes. 

I’ve seen Jeongguk loud with laughter and quiet in contemplation. But this? This was something different. 

I guess the two of you are alike in that sense too. Both of your silences are never just quiet. 

*beep*

December 30th at 15:37

So we-uhm-broke into your apartment. 

Or well, Jeongguk did. But I guess all of us are accomplices because we kind of-well, we stood there as he did it. I don’t know why Jeongguk even knows how to pick locks, but I didn’t really have the chance to ask. 

Your apartment looks normal. Still spotless. It looks like you. Like how it used to. Or how it used to before we lived together, at least. 

I’m not going to lie, I-I’m a little surprised you didn’t move out. I couldn’t even go to the places we used to go to after you told me you wanted to break up. 

I guess it didn’t bother you as much. 

We scoured your apartment for clues as to where you could have gone, which may sound very Paper Towns of us, but—I don’t know—we were just looking for any sign as to where you might be. If you were okay. There weren’t any notes or anything that could give us a hint though, and Tae said it doesn’t look any different than when he last visited. 

Jeongguk also called your credit card company to see what your last purchases were. To see if it would give us any clues. But you haven’t used it since you left. Everything is just blank. 

Blank. Like you don’t want to be found. 

Jeongguk is still upset that none of us told him—I can’t blame him for that—but I think he’s mostly upset at himself that he didn’t know. That you two stopped talking for a bit, and he didn’t notice anything was wrong. 

I think he feels like he’s been drifting away from you too, ever since his job got busy and he moved for work. Or maybe it’s before that. I think he’s always felt like you don’t tell him everything, even though he pours everything out to you, looks up to you. I know you’d give him the world, Jimin, but Jeongguk would give up everything for you if you ask. 

But you don’t ask. You never do. You don’t let people in when you’re hurting. Maybe it’s the ballet training instilled in you to smile through the pain. Cover up the flaws. Put on a performance all the time. You pretend it doesn’t exist and push people out.  

No, you just disappear instead. 

*beep*

December 30th at 21:02

Tae and I are staying over at your apartment. I hope you don’t mind. We just decided we would rather not risk having anyone in your apartment see us try and break down your door and call the police on us, haha. It makes it easier if we’re in your apartment so we can open the door in case we need anything. Or find something that we missed.  

It’s-uhm. It’s weird being here. Feels like I've been displaced from the present and back into the past, only you’re not here. 

I noticed you took down all the photos of London.You used to have that big photograph wall next to your bed, filled with pictures from when you lived there, from when you used to dance. But all your ballet photos are gone too. Tae told me you took them down a while ago, a little after the break up. Said you stopped dancing for fun too, after a while. 

I just-

I hope-

Ah, fuck it. Nevermind. 

It’s so weird to be back here. 

*beep*

December 30th at 22:14

I found my sweater under your pillow. The white one with the moon on it?

I thought I had lost it after we broke up. I wanted to ask you if you had it, if i forgot to take it with me when I moved out, but by then we had already been one month in and- 

And it hurt. To think about you. Even though that was all I was doing. 

It kind of felt like it does right now. How you permeate my every thought and every moment, even though you weren’t there. The quiet was-is-so loud with your absence. 

It smells like you. The sweater. 

I just-

I don’t know what that means.

I don’t know what any of this means. 

I just don’t understand why my sweater would be under your pillow because it was you. You’re the one who told me you wanted to break up. 

You told me you didn’t want to do this anymore, didn’t have the energy to try. You were so sad, and I wanted to argue, wanted to beg you to let me stay until you were better, but you were so sad. So sad and exhausted and defeated and certain in your decision that I knew there was no use fighting it. 

How could I hold on to someone who’s not there anymore, right?

I’ve been telling myself that we can’t understand break ups or feelings. There’s no understanding them. We feel what we feel and sometimes there are no explanations for it. So I knew. I got it. I understood there was no point in asking to stay, but I regretted not asking you for a reason. 

I still do. 

I didn’t have the chance to ask you why because I was too busy staggering from the weight of I don't love you anymore.  Too busy struggling to piece together what those words mean. 

Love is a two way street; it goes both ways. But you made the decision, and all of a sudden, that two way street morphed into a dead end, and I had no choice but to walk away from it, back out the way I came from. 

I wish I could say that I didn’t see it coming. That it came out of left field, out of the blue. But I can’t because I had been bracing myself for the impact for weeks. For months. 

Would it have changed things if I hadn’t known? Would it have hurt less? 

I don’t know. 

I don’t know. But I wish I did.

I wish I knew, Jimin.

*beep*

Message deleted. You have no new voicemails. Main menu.

A/N: come talk to me! let me know your thoughts! once again, thank you to hana and noor. this story wouldn’t exist without the two of you. 

[thran-duils]

Lost in Zero Gravity (P.24, FINAL)

Title: Lost In Zero Gravity (Part Twenty Four, FINAL) Summary:  Fem!Reader x Mob Boss!Tony Stark x Mob Boss!Steve Rogers.  Reader is a call girl who runs high end parties. She catches the attention of Tony Stark who invites her back to his room with his friend. She might have performed too well because she becomes their new favorite play toy and they don’t like to share. Words: 2,768 Warnings (for the fic in entirety): Smut, prostitution, infidelity, angst, domestic violence, stalking, possessive behavior, drug use

Author’s Note: This took a couple more days than I planned. I had started writing and got to like 1,200 words and then I was like mhm... abandoned that doc and started another. I was grappling between two different paths and I went with the happier one. We’ve had enough angst!

Part Twenty Three || Masterpost (mobile) || Fanfic masterpost

ALT ending (not complete, will not be completed)

Balancing the bowl on your stomach, you laid back eating grapes in silence. You were alone in the apartment. Again. Tony had been acting more distant now that you were really starting to show as you came into your sixth month. It smaller things at first, like you caught him staring at your protruding stomach and he looked away quickly when he noticed you saw or sex being from behind more often than not now. But now it was apparent something was wrong. He slept at home half the week now.

It should not be a shock; he had voiced his opposition to the whole thing from the start and you knew that is what was driving the wedge.

The grapes were doing little to satisfy your craving for French fries. You had just had some yesterday and you were trying to be good today. It was proving to be very difficult when you could just have them delivered and Wylan could bring them up for you.

As if on cue, the apartment door open and the smell of fried food hit your nostrils. You moved the bowl and sat up with some difficulty, spotting Tony walking towards the kitchen with a bag. Your mouth was already watering.

He tossed a look over his shoulder and asked, “Still having the craving?” He took in the look on your face and he cracked a smile. “Looks like it. I see I’ve brought you over to the dark side with it being a comfort food.”

“I don’t want this to last,” you said as you stood up, leaving the grapes behind on the coffee table. “I’ll be hundred pounds heavier if it keeps up.”

You sat down at the table, thankful that you had ordered the pillow covers for the chairs; they were far more forgiving on your backside than the plain hardwood. Tony placed a plate in front of you and handed you the ketchup and mustard before going back for his plate. He sat back down at the table in the chair across the table and began to eat.

Silence fell over the table as you ate some of the fries, paying more attention to them than the burger.

After a little while, you could not stand it anymore and you had to ask.

“Are... are we okay?”

Tony stopped eating and looked up at you with a concerned look. He placed his burger down and gave you his full attention. “What do you mean?”

“You seem… off. You have seemed off. The last couple of months. Like you kind of don’t want to touch me.”

He sighed, rubbing at his face. He looked like he was gathering his thoughts and you stayed quiet.

“It bothers me.” You looked at him expectantly, wanting him to say more when he paused. “You’re pregnant, for one. It’s a... thing for me. Just thinking about the baby in there and my dick around it.” You did your best to not crack at that, even the slightest of smirks. You wanted him to explain himself and not interrupt. “But you’re also pregnant with Steve’s kid. It... it makes me uncomfortable.” He paused and chewed on his bottom lip before meeting your eyes. “I don’t like watching him watch you. At the appointments I mean. He’s just... I know how he is and it’s not a good look that he’s giving you. And he’s so touchy feely about it and it makes me angry. Yeah. It makes me angry. That’s it. I hate it. I hate what he did. And he still wins and gets what he wants.”

“He doesn’t have to suffer through any of it and meanwhile you’re over here with body aches and looking down the barrel of the gun of childbirth. And it stresses me out because Steve told me he wanted to be there at the hospital, and I don’t think he should be in the room with you. He doesn’t deserve to be. Because I was done dealing with him after I learned what he had done.” He hesitated and saw you were still listening with rapt attention. He swallowed sharply before his eyes softened and he said calmer, “And it made me angry you gave him this satisfaction. Rewarded him for his behavior in a way. I wish you would have listened to me and just let me pay him out so this wouldn’t be a thing. And now we both have to deal with.”

You were quiet, staring down at your hands.

“I... I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I think about it too. He didn’t even ask if he could touch me when I was on the table the first appointment, he just did it. And I didn’t make a scene. And he just ran with that as permission for whenever he was around me in the room at the appointments, he could touch me however. And still, I didn’t cause a scene because there was a nurse or a doctor in there all the time, and he seemed to know them all, and I didn’t want to have any bad blood with them myself. Just for the baby’s sake. I might not be keeping them but this whole thing isn’t their fault and I want them to have good treatment.”

“And as far as you paying him out… I didn’t want you to do that. I wanted it to be me. I wanted him to get that payment from me so he couldn’t write it off as someone else just taking care of me. And not take me seriously when I said I wanted to be done. It means more coming from me. It sucks, this whole thing is not a cakewalk. But, I think it’ll be worth it in the end. I didn’t have control of the situation at the beginning, but I do now. I made the decision.”

Tony was letting what you said sink in. He grabbed a fry and ate it slowly, looking lost in thought. He finally leaned back and met your eyes again.

“I get that,” he said sounding sincere. “It always means more if you’re the one that made the effort. Not just for them but for you.” He nodded and then said, “And I’m sorry for making you feel lonely.”

Trying to joke, you said, “I’ve got Luna.”

“I hope I’m not that easily replaced.”

“No. You’re not.”

He smirked briefly before saying, “Only three more months.”

“Or less.”

“Or less. Way to be hopeful.”

<><><>

You had had false contractions before, but these were stronger. And they were going on for longer than they had before. Gritting your teeth, you wobbled to the door and opened it.

“Terrence!” you called down the hallway. He was there quickly, and you leaned against the doorframe. “It’s bad.”

“What’s bad?” He asked sounding worried.

“The contractions. They’re longer and hurt. I think it’s time!”

“Let me call Tony.”

He whipped out his cell phone and dialed. He was speaking to him quickly. “Hey, Y/N says she thinks it’s time? I’m not sure. She said they’re longer and hurt more?” You gasped as you felt a pop internally and then wetness. You grasped at your crotch and felt dampness. Terrence had followed your hand and he looked slightly more pale. “Anddddd, I think her water just broke. Do you want me to take her?”

<><><>

A soft cry greeted you as you woke up. When they had brought you into the room, you had fallen asleep almost immediately, exhausted. How long had you been sleeping? You turned your head to the right seeing the baby next to your bed, fussing weakly. There was a nurse there and she noticed you were awake.

“Perfect timing, momma. I think he’s hungry.”

“It’s still here?”

“Yes?” The nurse said looking completely confused by your reaction and probably more so that you called him ‘it’. She watched you closely, looking suspicious.

Clearing your throat, you adjusted in the bed and asked, trying to sound calm, “Has... has the father come yet?”

The nurse shot a look in the corner, looking even more confused than before. You did not have time to follow her gaze before Tony’s voice sounded, “I only texted him five minutes ago.”

He was sitting on the built-in bench along the window. You had not even noticed him, all your focus on the small life next to you.

“He’s probably trying to get away from whatever he’s doing and get through traffic,” Tony continued.

So, Tony had not called Steve while it was happening. You had been in labor for five hours. Steve was not going to be happy that Tony had not contacted him, and he had missed the birth while Tony had been there instead. But you were relieved that Steve had not simply blown it off; when you had been in the delivery room, the thought had flashed through your mind.

The nurse raised up your bed and helped you open your gown. She adjusted a pillow to rest on your stomach and went back to grab him. You were hesitant but you held out your arms all the same, taking him gently from the nurse. She helped push his blanket so he was bare against you. You were trying to not be stiff feeling the contact.

“A little closer. The skin-on-skin contact is good,” the nurse encouraged.

Doing as she said, you forced yourself to relax more. His mouth was wet, and you shivered, causing the nurse to chuckle softly, saying to not worry, you would get used to that.

No you wouldn’t, you thought instead of saying it out loud.

Your finger traced along his cheek as he sucked, his little hand resting on your breast next to his mouth. He was calm now, serene in his eating.

“Looks like you’re a natural,” the nurse commented happily. “Be thankful for that!”

“He’s fine, then?” you asked her, looking up.

She nodded, “Healthy as can be.”

“Good,” you said quietly, looking back down at him. You searched his small face, trying to see any part of Steve. The nose maybe, but it was a little wide. His eyes had not been open long enough for you to see and you were not going to disturb him, choosing to keep him comfortable as he fed.

<><><>

You were woken again when you heard people speaking. Blinking awake, your vision cleared to Steve and Tony talking in low voices by the door.

“You fucking prick,” Steve was saying, sounding pissed. “I told you—”

“I was a little preoccupied as you can imagine,” Tony retorted quietly.

Steve spotted you were awake over Tony’s shoulder, and he sucked his teeth before clearing his throat. Snapping his head back to Tony, he said in a dangerous voice, “I’d like the room. If you can find it in yourself to back off for just a while.”

Tony looked over his shoulder, seeing you watching, and sighed before walking back over and grabbing his coat, sunglasses, and phone. He leaned over you and said, “I’ll be back.” He gave you a quick peck on the top of the head before moving past Steve, the two of them sharing a cold look.

Steve walked further into the room, and you were fixated on him for a moment before you turned your attention towards where the baby was sleeping. He approached and looked down at them, a small smile painted on his lips. Reaching out, he touched their cheek, his smile growing.

“Look at him,” Steve said quietly. “Perfect as can be.” He met your eyes and asked, “No complications?” You shook your head. “Good. And he fed?” You nodded again. “Look at you. Perfect as can be too. Though I am not surprised about that.”

Always with the flattery.

He collapsed into the chair beside the little bed and yours. He looked disappointed when he said, “I wanted to be here.”

“Sorry,” you apologized. “I was a little busy.”

“I’m not blaming you. I should’ve known Tony would be an ass about it. Always has to get a jab in. This one was taking it a little too far but I’m just glad everything went okay and you’re alright.”

“I was surprised he was still here when I woke up afterwards,” you told him honestly.

Steve told you, “I’ll take him when you are ready to discharge. It would look odd for me to take him before. Would raise a lot of questions that I don’t feel like getting into with the hospital.” That made enough sense to you. “Plus, let him get as much milk as he can from you before he switches over to formula and my wife’s. I’m worried he won’t take to hers but maybe he won’t be picky.”

He had never told you the specifics about what was going on with her child and you had not asked. You were sure you did not want to know.

“Well, he latches well enough to me. I hope she doesn’t have any trouble,” you said sincerely. Steve was watching you intently and you asked slowly, “What?”

His voice was soft, “Don’t you want to know what his name is?”

“No,” you told him sharply.

“Don’t want to get attached? I know a name can do that.”

“I don’t want to know,” you repeated firmly.

Steve looked sour for a brief moment before he remarked, “I’ll fill the paperwork out then, so you don’t have to see it. Have they dropped it off yet? The birth certificate paperwork, I mean.” You shrugged and he said, “I guess I’ll have to ask one of the nurses when they come in.”

“I’ll be staying here,” he continued on. “Just to make sure I get that paperwork and I’m here when you discharge. Won’t be leaving that up to Tony again. Unlike him, I’ll text him when you’re ready to go so he’s here to get you and you aren’t stranded here upon discharge. I’d take you myself, but Cecile is going to come to be able to go home with me and… the baby.” He had almost slipped up and you had a feeling he had done it on purpose.

He sat forward again, pulling the little bed closer to him, peering over at the little bundle.

“You did good, dove,” he murmured, his eyes fixated on his son. “I never doubted you for a second.”

<><><>

You stood up from the wheelchair and stood up, stretching a little. “Now that that’s over,” you muttered as Tony opened the passenger door. You had been annoyed they had insisted that you had to take a wheelchair out of the hospital. You had been in there for two days and you just wanted to walk more than just around your room, although that had not been recommended. You needed to take it easy while your body healed.

Steve’s voice sounded from behind you, and you turned your head, seeing him walking out with a woman. Your eyes snapped down to the bundle in her arms, seeing the little boy she was cradling. As if she sensed you, she looked over, locking eyes. You saw her eyes flick to Tony and you saw in real time the realization wash over her features before her eyes snapped back to you.

“Come on, Y/N,” Tony said at the same time as you tore your gaze away from her. His hand was around you, guiding you into the car.

The door closed behind you, and you waited for him to get inside. He was quiet when he did, pushing the start button on the car.

You snuck a glance in the side mirror and saw they were gone, and you breathed a sigh of relief.

“Could’ve done without that,” you exhaled.

“I’m sure she could have too,” Tony replied as he pulled away from the curb.

The city passed by as he weaved in and out of traffic. Your hands rested in your lap, watching the buildings go by. Your hand slipped up and you felt a small pang of loss at the flat abdomen you were greeted with. Your fingers flexed in, trying to force yourself to remember this is what normal was.

You startled slightly, pulled from your thoughts as Tony’s fingers slipped around yours, coming in between yours and your stomach. He closed his grip, holding your hand tight, bringing it back down to your thigh. He was quiet but he squeezed your hand reassuringly.

It was going to be okay, you told yourself.

~~~

Forever tags: @coconutqueen21 @undecidedsworld

Fic tags: @icant-hangout-imdrumming @oceaniamaddness @multifandom-superlover @imsonick @holl2712 @here4thefanfics @agustdowney @fanofalltheficsx @buttercandy16 @last-saturday-night @woohoney

[perseusjackson-jasongrace]

weapon? monster? child.

this was a request from ao3 for some roman jason! i hope y'all enjoy

CW: vague manipulation themes

[images have alt text]

Even wolves bow to the law.

Jason Grace wakes up with his alarm. 7:00 a.m., it blinks at him. The first thing he feels is the cool breeze that blows in from the river bordering their camp, and through the window near his bed. They put him here so he’d be the first point of protection should anything from outside try to attack. He took the position gratefully. Lowered his head in thanks and packed up the little he had. From the big warm rooms of the main house where the youngest of them slept, to the straight and narrow dormitories of their assigned cohorts.

His blue eyes, dull and wide, blink as he stares at the roof. He’s one of the luckier ones. He has a whole bunk to himself. People are scared to sleep next to him, or near him. This son of Jupiter, this child of Lupa, this being of Power. What if they shake the bunk in the night and he tears them apart with his father’s lightning.

Jason would never. He is trained better than that. He will have control of his emotions. If he doesn't, innocent people will die. He knows this. A cub got hurt once. He wasn’t allowed to eat for a week. At least not with the pack. He was too young to get food on his own. He must learn the ways of the wolves, for they are the way of the world, and the bearers of the law.

Even wolves bow to the law.

He swings his legs over the bed, and jumps down. His landing is silent. The floorboards do not even creak. They are cold though, but he is used to this. It is the second thing that wakes him up.

The routine goes like this: alarm>roof>floorboards>cold water>clothes> weapon check>breakfast>camp activities.

Everyday. Every Single Day. Always the same thing, never a deviation, never an interruption. We must be organized beings Jason , he hears Lupa in his head over and over again, f or if we are chaos we must expect to be destroyed. Chaos must not exist outside of it’s containment. That was the final lesson. Chaos doesn’t follow rules therefore it should not exist.

Jason splashes cool water on his face, stares at himself in the scratched mirror. Too many demigods looking through the same glass. He wonders if any of them want to see something different? He does. Gods he does, desperately and ungratefully.

He wants to see how blue his eyes can get. And if his hair can be messier than this buzzed golden blonde look. If his hands can be softer than the callouses he always sports. And if his skin can be more golden. Would he look more alive?

He goes to breakfast. They're serving an array of things. Jason gets oats with too much honey. He sits at the edge of a table, nearest to the exit. Some people come to sit at the same table, but they keep a distance that moving closer would not bridge. Their laughter is his curiosity, their questions are his silent answers. He agrees that Silene from cohort three should go with the blue hair ties because it matches her socks. He decides diet coke is the best of the diet cola series. He frowns when Lucian from cohort two shows off their new throwing dagger at the table.

No weapons where you eat. Lupa frowns when he brings a whittled stick to their meal. Why? Because eating is a time of truce and peace. If I bared my fangs at you while you ate how would you feel? And his little eyes had grown wide as saucers, tears filling faster than he could stop them. Yes Lupa , he had mumbled, throwing his tiny spear away. He had just wanted to show her what he could do. He would never use it on them. That was the first of many things he had made and lost. Hard labour is only accepted when it benefits someone else. Another lesson learned.

Even wolves bow to the law.

The sword slips from his grip. Before it hits the floor his other hand is grabbing it. With a low growl he starts again. Twirl, strike, counter, direction, twirl, sidestep. He gets it this time. He allows a small smile. If there was a mirror he would have seen his eyes shine a little brighter.

“Jason!” Someone calls his name from outside. He nearly flinches. With a toss of his sword it pockets as a coin and then he’s jogging towards the door.

“Hey,” He squints the sun out of his eyes, searching for his summouner against the bright morning.

Reyna, a new camper, still young but full of anger, stands in front of him. Her legs are shoulder width apart, hands on her hips. Her tattoo is so pitch black against her brown skin. A single stripe mars her arm. He wonders if her collection of lines will someday rival his. The frown creasing her dark eyebrows is securely in place.

“What’s wrong?”

“They said you have to train me today.”

“Why me?” He frowns, looking around her for older campers. It is not traditional for campers as young as him to be training new recruits. Even if he has been here longer than most demigods. Still the older ones are given duties and responsibilities like this. There is a hierarchy and it starts with the time of your birth.

“Will you teach me?” The demand sort of irks him but only because he has never been asked to do something like this and now it is just being thrown at him with no warning, or training.

He tries not to let it show on his face. He must do a good job because her own fierce expression doesn’t change, react to him. She simply stares.

“Yes,” He motions for her to follow him back into the training center. “I will teach you.”

“What do we start with?” Her excitement is starting to wage war with her anger. They are still little kids after all.

“We start with body training.” He looks her over, assessing the thinness of her arms, the way her legs sway even when she tries to stand still. As if she had been on a ship for too long and her body no longer knows what solid ground feels like.

“What?” She’s back to frowning, glaring at him. “I want to learn how to use weapons. I want to fight.”

“The first weapon is your body.” He says, moving to the center of the room where a large training mat is spread across the floor.

“No, the first weapon is the one I can get my hands on.”

“How will you use a weapon if you can’t even hold it?” He doesn't understand why she won’t follow the order of things. Train your body>wield the weapon>fight the war. That’s how it is. That’s the order.

“My mother is Bellona!” She growls. “I already know how to fight.”

He stands in front of her, considering. They are about the same height, definitely the same age, though his weight is solid, whereas she looks like she’s been eating nothing but berries and cold meats for weeks. No sustenance.

“Okay Reyna,” He raises a brow. Something thrums under his skin, increases his heart rate. He believes it’s excitement. Are his eyes glowing? “If you can lay me down in two minutes, we’ll start on weapons training right away.”

The gleam that enters her gaze, brown eyes brightening like headlights, almost makes him laugh. “Fine.” She gives him a single nod.

And then she’s sprinting towards him, teeth bared, hands clawed in front of her. She fights like it's survival. He knows something of that. He steps out of the way. Her frustration is a spark. And she is dynamite. He is there to watch the world blow up. His eyes are lightning blue.

Wolves may bow to the law. But they hunt the chaos.

[needs-to-stop-looking-at-valves]

Heatwave x female s/o?

Funny enough it's a certain someone's birthday today! Let's give a bitch one of her faves ;)

(Warning; SUPER long)

"Kade, hurry it up."

"Don't rush me, I'm almost done!"

Kade huffed. They had agreed that once a week, Kade was supposed to wash his alt mode. He had an especially muddy rescue today, Heatwave was always huffy after a mess, but today, he was especially finicky. It was why Kade was sitting there, buffing in the fresh coat of wax that Heatwave demanded he have on. He pulled away, and after seeing it was done, lightly patted his hood.

"Alright pretty boy, you're done. Imma go and eat a sandwich."

"Didn't we stop at a drive thru before we got here?"

"You whining makes me hungry."

Heatwave scoffed. He waited until Kade got into the house, before he helped himself out of the driveway, and pulling into the road. Just had to do one thing first, in case they came looking for him.

"Chase, you copy?"

"Yes, Heatwave, I copy."

"Good. I'm handling your patrol shift."

"But Kade isn't-"

"No one knows that. Look, I just need to let out some steam, Chase. You know how Kade is."

"...understandable. Keep me updated."

"Will do."

He hung up the call, sighing in relief. Good, they bought it. He made a left towards the beach, before he came to a halt, just before he made it to the parking lot. There she was. The reason why he wanted to look like a goddamn sports car today.

Brown hair that fell to her shoulders, fair skin, jewelry that dangled, and she was as glittery and stunning as a fallen star. He pulled up right in front of her, giving her just a small honk to get her attention. Her eyes lit up right when she saw him.

"Hey! I was just about to text you!"

He pulled down the window, giving the illusion that she was talking to someone inside.

"Sorry. Had to keep the hood looking nice for you. Like what you did with your hair."

She had gotten bored waiting for him, and had stuffed her hair full of little flowers. Alongside the glitter- this girl was far from boring.

"Thank you! I got you one too. Assuming you're gonna let me in?"

"Course, scoot into the driver's seat."

He opened his door, letting her hop into the driver's seat. She placed a little flower on the dashboard, before she buckled herself in.

"Sooo I take it this is the tour you promised me?"

She was from off island, so she was a little lost around here. He pulled out of the lot, and went back onto the road.

"Yeah, I'll show you around. You still got a week on the island, right?"

"Yep! I'm liking the sights so far. And the locals are definitely nice, and not just on the eyes."

Based on the way she strummed her fingers across his dashboard, she wasn't talking about the humans. He turned to the left, trying to remember to put on his blinker as he did so. She was, something.

"Well, we try to have some hospitality. Especially for tourists who just run into any ol' vehicle."

She huffed, arms folded across her chest.

"The door was open, and I've always wanted to see the inside of a fire truck."

Heatwave chuckled. What a story that was.

"Kade! Close the-and he's gone."

Heatwave groaned. Whenever he saw Hailey, that idiot always forgot the rules of the ride; shut the door when you get out. It was like coming into a closed room, and leaving without shutting it. Just plain annoying. He was about to shut the door, when there was a sudden weight in his driver's seat. He adjusted his rear view mirror. A girl. Tourist, given that he'd never seen her before.

"Cool! A real firetruck! I've always wanted to see one on the inside!"

Not a carjacker, thankfully. Just someone who was curious. He turned on his screen on the inside, and put on his best robot voice.

"Step away, citizen, this is official-"

He stopped once she tapped the screen, right at his nose. She looked fascinated by him, as if this is the first time she'd ever see technology.

"Woah! They have a computer in this thing- that's new! I'll only sit here, just for a second! I've been waiting for a friend."

She sat down in his seat, facing the outside and starting to mess with her phone. He was about to lay on the horn, when she sighed under her breath.

"Come on...I've been waiting two hours, guys."

She got ditched. He wasn't nuts about someone who literally just helped herself to his interior, but Heatwave wasn't sparkless. Not seeing Kade in the distance, he sighed.

"Input address."

"Hmm?"

She looked at the map he put on the screen. She hesitated for a second, biting her lip in thought.

"Uhm...I dunno where it is exactly. Its the uh, the hotels nearby, I think?"

Heatwave knew what she meant. He put the address on the screen, and turned on the light that signaled for a seatbelt. She looked around, as if she was doing something bad, before she grinned, and (finally) shutting his door, then put on her seatbelt. He tried to be quick about this (Kade was SUCH a whiner if he couldn't find Heatwave in the same spot he left him at), despite the fact that traffic was fairly heavy.

"That's so cool, you can drive yourself! Oh you are SO cool! I wonder where's the sirens on this thing?"

Heatwave shouldn't. Those were for emergencies. But traffic wasn't letting up, Kade would call and nag at him for leaving, and...well. She looked like she could use a pick me up. He let the button flash for her, and right when she pressed it, the sirens started to blare. She jumped in the seat, giddy as a sparkling.

"Oh thats so cool!"

Heatwave WAS pretty cool, when he really thought about it. She geeked out well until they reached the empty looking parking lot, then he put it in park.

"Please unfasten your seatbelts, and exit the- ow, the scrap is that?"

She stared at the face on the screen as she started to get out.

"What's...what?"

"There's something on the seats, it's...ITCHY."

She looked around at her seat. Glitter. She gave an embarrassed smile, before shrugging.

"I'm sorry, I got glitter on you. It's kinda my signature thing- wait. Is that...pre-recorded?"

Oh no. He tried to focus on the voice, rather than the itchiness.

"It's nothing to be concerned about-"

He sighed in relief when she dug her hand into his seat, easing that itch. She pulled away quickly, and he knew that face of shock.

"Oh my god. You're not...just a robot. Oh my GOD-"

"Shhhh!"

He pulled his shades back up, realizing it was too late to keep up the robo act.

"Look, okay, I'm not just a truck. But you NEED to keep it a secret. Do you understand?"

She stared at him for a second, trying to take it all in. She slowly started to form her words, taking a step back.

"Uh...are you gonna take over the world or something?"

"If I did, I wouldn't be sitting here with glitter on my seat."

She clearly had a million and one questions, everyone did, but he didn't have time to answer. He cut her off before he could speak.

"I just need to know if you can keep a secret."

"...i can. Especially since you helped me. I won't tell anyone, promise."

"Good. Now, I gotta hurry back, you stay safe. And uh- stop sitting in random trucks. Its kinda rude."

He shut his door, about to take off, when she gripped onto the door handle. He stopped, watched her as she scribbled on a napkin, before tucking it in his windshield wipers.

"In case you need me to say a proper sorry."

With that, she turned, and walked inside. He looked wround, and after making sure no one could see him, transformed, and looked at the napkin. A string of numbers that didn't make any sense.

Weird little human.

"Funny how after that you just couldn’t leave me alone, huh Heats?"

"I'm a rescue bot. Helping people is what I do. By the way, I'm STILL not over the glitter."

"You just mad because I'm cute."

She WAS cute, he'd give her that. He pulled up to a drive thru (the one Kade always went to), chuckling.

"Just order something, I don't want you hungry for where we're going."

"Oh sure, I got some spare cash-"

"No. I said I was going to treat you, and I meant it. There's a wallet in the glove box, use the cash."

She took it out, raising a brow.

"Who's 'Kade'?"

"Friend of mine. He owed me the money, so don't sweat it."

Well. He SORT of did, for dealing with him on a daily basis. After ordering fries, a shake, and nuggets, they were off. She raised a brow as she took a sip of her drink.

"Where ARE we going anyway?"

"Wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you, would it?"

"Can I at least get a hint? Please?"

"Okay, okay. One hint. It's got more flowers."

She thought about it for a second, and he wanted to laugh. She had such a cute scowl when she was in deep thought. Wasn't even looking out the window to see where that they had in fact, stopped by now.

"Is it...a flower shop?"

"No, but good idea for next time. Look outside."

She looked outside, and he felt her cute little feet stomp on by his pedals in excitement.

"No way!! Let me out, I wanna see I wanna see!"

"Hold your turbo horses!"

He tried to make it sound like it was scolding, but the laughter betrayed him. He unlocked the door, and like a fresh sparkpubby, she bolted. He had found this spot, full of flowers, and secluded from most of the usual hiking trails. Someplace they could really, and honestly be alone.

"It's SO pretty here! Why aren't there more people here?"

He watched her use her phone to take plenty pictures, and in a way, it was sweet, knowing she HAD to remember this place.

"No one really knows. Small island, lots of mysteries. You grabbed the blanket right?"

She stopped, before taking off her backpack and nodded. It was more of a tarp, given the size, but she did bring it. She set laid it out, and after getting her food, she sat down on her knees, giddy as hell.

"So. Am I finally gonna see the real Heatwave? Mr 'rescue bot leader'?"

They had been texting a lot since they first met, she knew damn well that stuff like that made him feel a bit frazzled. She really saw him as this incredible being. If only he knew he saw her the same way. He took a deep breath, just as he learned in yoga.

"Okay. I can show you. But you need to keep calm, okay?"

"I can do calm!"

"I love the enthusiasm, but freckles, come on."

Her said freckled face scowled as her arms folded across her chest.

"Fine. I'll be calm. Promise."

He transformed, and knelt down, trying to make himself look smaller. It didn't really work. She gawked at him, little eyes wide and mouth open.

"I...get it. It's a lot, and it's weird and confusing-"

"You did NOT tell me you were hot."

It was Heatwave's turn to be surprised. She wasn't repelled him; she was ATTRACTED to him. Oh no. Oh no, he was tracking her eyes- she was giving him a total once over, clearly trying to take him all in. He cleared his throat, tipping his hat down to cover his optics a bit. She REALLY thought he was 'hot' (which he learned meant 'attractive' and not 'on fire').

"Could uh...could the hot mech take a seat with you?"

She scooted a bit, patting the spot next to her. He was careful with the flowers, before he finally sat down. Heatwave found it difficult to make eye contact again, they both did. What do you do when a girl you REALLY liked called you 'hot'? Do you say 'you too'? Or 'thanks'? He was apparently super obvious with his feelings, she opted to get the ball rolling.

"So? Tell me about yourself! All I know is your name, and that you're a firetruck."

He finally turned to look at her. He had not much to say, but he did have a lot to LOOK at.

"I'm Heatwave, leader of the rescue bots on Griffin Rock. I come from the planet Cybertron, and I help citizens of this island anyway I can. I do rescues. I've also been in a few parades, but I don't like thinking about that. Kid's have REALLY gross hands..."

She chuckled, clearly amused. The whole time he was talking, he was super distracted. Her eyes looked like stars, her hair was soft yet wild, like the ocean, and her...mouth. Humans always looked squishy to him, but this one had such soft lips. They were glossy, and they looked so precious as she ate. The way her tongue licked the salt off of her tiny fingers-

"Heatwave!"

"Huh? What? What's wrong?"

"You were staring kinda off into space? And you're steaming!"

Oh no. He really was. He checked his HUB, and sure enough, temperatures were above normal. He cleared his throat, shaking his head.

"Sorry, sorry. It uhm...happens."

"You sure you don't want me to like. Feel your forehead or something?"

He was about to say no, but the idea of her hand on his metal...well. One touch wouldn't hurt.

"If it'll make you feel better. Knock yourself out."

He lowered himself down to her level, and she pressed her little hand against his forehead. Oh she was so soft.

"Woah. You are WARM. Like a heater! Oh this is nice actually."

She put both hands on him, now at the sides of his face. Her smile was...so close to him. Her eyes were full of wonder and comfort. She felt comfortable with him. He wasn't self concious about his looks, but knowing that someone so pretty, so full of wonder, found HIM attractive- it made his processor spin.

"You...you got a lot more freckles than I thought. Don't think I could count them all."

"Sounds like quitter talk to me, Heats."

Oh the way he smiled at her. He felt joy plenty of times, but this. This was something so incredibly different.

"I don't back down from a challenge. One. Two. Three. Four. Five...six..."

He was losing track. She smelled prettier than any flower here, her breath was hitting his lips. Then, it happened. Her lips pressed against his, and his spark was absolutely thumping. He hadn't ever...kissed someone before. He never wanted to, up till now. He, as carefully as he could, even pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. It was so sweet, so soft.

Then Heatwave got carried away. He pulled her closer to him, steam hissing from his frame as his glossa kept rubbing against her lips. Her mouth was small, but he demanded entry. She was eager to give it to him, and his glossa got a taste of hers. Still sweet from the shake she just had, it was a taste he wanted more of. He held her in place, not wanting to let this feeling go. She tasted so good, she was so warm, so soft, and wet, and-

"What's wrong?"

He pulled away when he noticed it. She averted her gaze, cleaning the oral lubricant Heatwave had left around her mouth.

"What...do you mean?"

"You're warm. Really warm. And your legs are pressed together. Did I hurt you?"

"No! No, I just...uhm...okay, this is embarrassing. I uhm...forget it, it was just that kissing you and..."

He looked confused for a moment, before he gestured to her.

"If I made you uncomfortable or hurt you, I really should take a look at it. Unless you want me to take you out to see someone?"

Heatwave wasn't dumb. He just knew you shouldn't be poking around someone's bits unless you absolutely had to. She leaned back into his hand, spreading her legs apart, and giving him permission to look. He lifted her skirt up, and saw, to his surprise, that humans had a valve. Didn't have the biolights he was usee to, but still so soft, hot, and at the moment, wet. She groaned into her hand, totally embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, I just. You had your tongue out and it just, uh-"

"Oh. You like my tongue?"

Heatwave decided to be bold. He lifted her up, and slowly ran his glossa alongside her folds. Oh the way her legs shook once she felt him. He pulled away, a huge smirk on his face.

"Aw, you good there, freckles? Lookin' a little shakey."

Her face was flushed, her frame shook like a helpless bolt bunny- she was precious.

"Can you just...a bit more? Please Heatwave?"

Who was he to say no to someone who damn near tasted like rainbows?(it was a saying Blades used here, he assumed he was using it right) he brought his mouth up to her again, and dove back in. Only this time, he savored her. He lapped at her little folds hungrily, glossa threatening every once a while to bury himself into her. He felt her little hands grab onto his helmet, felt her legs squirm as she whined for him.

"S-shit, Heatwave. You're...mmph!"

He looked up at her, seeing how she clamped her hand over her mouth. She was enjoying this so much, she was even trying to hump his glossa, desperate for more. With his free hand, he clicked open his spike panel, letting his hand slowly stroke his currently leaky spike.

"Keep making those noises. I like it. I REALLY like it."

She gave him what he wanted, moaning and whimpering helplessly as her fluids started to drip down his face. It felt so good, stroking his spike to the sound of her little mewls.

"W-wait, wait a second."

He pulled away, forcing himself to put his tongue back into his mouth.

"What's wrong?"

"I just. Didn’t want to finish like that. You deserve something too."

He let her go as she wanted to, before he found himself laying back, watching her as she faced away from him. He twitched upon feeling her hand at his sensitive metal, then her hot breath at his tip.

"Wait, I dunno if-"

Then her mouth was at his tip. Oh the way electricity shot up his spinal ridge.

"N-never mind. That. Keep doing it. Way more of that."

Heatwave couldn't just sit there and be lazy piece of scrap metal. He lifted up her skirt, and instead of using his glossa like earlier, he started to use his servos. He sat there, holding onto her cute ass, thumb rubbing in between her folds, all while she sat there, little tongue rolling against his spike, slurping and licking at the transfluids that came from him. He watched as heat rolled from his mouth and into the open air.

Then she came. All it took was a few quick, fast circles against her folds, and she cried out against his metal, dripping from her legs, down to his just waxed body. Suffice to say, hearing her little sounds, watching her as she she tried all she could to please him-it was too much for Heatwave. He overloaded right after, hand digging into the dirt underneath him. He wanted to sit there, basking in the afterglow, when he looked up. He didn't just stain his chest, he stained her pretty shirt. He sat up with a bit of a jolt, knowing he fucked it up.

"Fucking shit- I'm sorry, I'm usually messy but that was an-"

She chuckled, shaking her head, and wiping the bits of overload from her lips.

"It's just a shirt. Really, it's fine."

Heatwave wasn't a usually a 'no it's not' kinda guy. He usually believed when people left it at that. But something about the way she wiped her face free of his overload, made him think differently.

"Why don't I take you back into town, buy you some new clothes?"

"I mean....if you're offering and all."

Heatwave chuckled. Yep. He definitely had the hots for her.

-------------------

"Kade! Heatwave is back!"

Dani called out from the kitchen. It was well into the night at this point by the time Heatwave pulled in. Kade rushed out to meet him before he made it into the garage.

"Where have you been? Chase has been trying to-"

"I kept him updated on the situation across town, so unless an emergency happened-"

"An emergency DID happen!"

Heatwave finally decided to hit the breaks and pay attention.

"What happened? Is everyone safe?"

"You drove off, and I left my wallet in your glove box- had to cancel MY date because you didn't come back."

Heatwave sighed in relief. It was stupid, sure, but at least it wasn't a real emergency.

"Alright, hop in and get it."

He opened his door, and Kade reached in to get it. Once he hopped out, Heatwave drove into the garage to explain himself to the rest of the crew. Then he heard Kade yell from behind him.

"HEATWAVE WHY IS MY WALLET EMPTY?!"

He should feel guilty. But remembering her smile? He absolutely didn't.

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Here's a shortlist of those who realized that I — a cis woman who'd identified as heterosexual for decades of life — was in fact actually bi, long before I realized it myself recently: my sister, all my friends, my boyfriend, and the TikTok algorithm.

On TikTok, the relationship between user and algorithm is uniquely (even sometimes uncannily) intimate. An app which seemingly contains as many multitudes of life experiences and niche communities as there are people in the world, we all start in the lowest common denominator of TikTok. Straight TikTok (as it's popularly dubbed) initially bombards your For You Page with the silly pet videos and viral teen dances that folks who don't use TikTok like to condescendingly reduce it to.

Quickly, though, TikTok begins reading your soul like some sort of divine digital oracle, prying open layers of your being never before known to your own conscious mind. The more you use it, the more tailored its content becomes to your deepest specificities, to the point where you get stuff that's so relatable that it can feel like a personal attack (in the best way) or (more dangerously) even a harmful trigger from lifelong traumas.

For example: I don't know what dark magic (read: privacy violations) immediately clued TikTok into the fact that I was half-Brazilian, but within days of first using it, Straight TikTok gave way to at first Portuguese-speaking then broader Latin TikTok. Feeling oddly seen (being white-passing and mostly American-raised, my Brazilian identity isn't often validated), I was liberal with the likes, knowing that engagement was the surefire way to go deeper down this identity-affirming corner of the social app.

TikTok made lots of assumptions from there, throwing me right down the boundless, beautiful, and oddest multiplicities of Alt TikTok, a counter to Straight TikTok's milquetoast mainstreamness.

Home to a wide spectrum of marginalized groups, I was giving out likes on my FYP like Oprah, smashing that heart button on every type of video: from TikTokers with disabilities, Black and Indigenous creators, political activists, body-stigma-busting fat women, and every glittering shade of the LGBTQ cornucopia. The faves were genuine, but also a way to support and help offset what I knew about the discriminatory biases in TikTok's algorithm.

My diverse range of likes started to get more specific by the minute, though. I wasn't just on general Black TikTok anymore, but Alt Cottagecore Middle-Class Black Girl TikTok (an actual label one creator gave her page's vibes). Then it was Queer Latina Roller Skating Girl TikTok, Women With Non-Hyperactive ADHD TikTok, and then a double whammy of Women Loving Women (WLW) TikTok alternating between beautiful lesbian couples and baby bisexuals.

Looking back at my history of likes, the transition from queer “ally” to “salivating simp” is almost imperceptible.

There was no one precise "aha" moment. I started getting "put a finger down" challenges that wouldn't reveal what you were putting a finger down for until the end. Then, 9-fingers deep (winkwink), I'd be congratulated for being 100% bisexual. Somewhere along the path of getting served multiple WLW Disney cosplays in a single day and even dom lesbian KinkTok roleplay — or whatever the fuck Bisexual Pirate TikTok is — deductive reasoning kind of spoke for itself.

But I will never forget the one video that was such a heat-seeking missile of a targeted attack that I was moved to finally text it to my group chat of WLW friends with a, "Wait, am I bi?" To which the overwhelming consensus was, "Magic 8 Ball says, 'Highly Likely.'"

Serendipitously posted during Pride Month, the video shows a girl shaking her head at the caption above her head, calling out confused and/or closeted queers who say shit like, "I think everyone is a LITTLE bisexual," to the tune of "Closer" by The Chainsmokers. When the lyrics land on the word "you," she points straight at the screen — at me — her finger and inquisitive look piercing my hopelessly bisexual soul like Cupid's goddamn arrow.

Oh no, the voice inside my head said, I have just been mercilessly perceived.

As someone who had, in fact, done feminist studies at a tiny liberal arts college with a gender gap of about 70 percent women, I'd of course dabbled. I've always been quick to bring up the Kinsey scale, to champion a true spectrum of sexuality, and to even declare (on multiple occasions) that I was, "straight, but would totally fuck that girl!"

Oh no, the voice inside my head returned, I've literally just been using extra words to say I was bi.

After consulting the expertise of my WLW friend group (whose mere existence, in retrospect, also should've clued me in on the flashing neon pink, purple, and blue flag of my raging bisexuality), I ran to my boyfriend to inform him of the "news."

"Yeah, baby, I know. We all know," he said kindly.

"How?!" I demanded.

Well for one, he pointed out, every time we came across a video of a hot girl while scrolling TikTok together, I'd without fail watch the whole way through, often more than once, regardless of content. (Apparently, straight girls do not tend to do this?) For another, I always breathlessly pointed out when we'd pass by a woman I found beautiful, often finding a way to send a compliment her way. ("I'm just a flirt!" I used to rationalize with a hand wave, "Obvs, I'm not actually sexually attracted to them!") Then, I guess, there were the TED Talk-like rants I'd subject him to about the thinly veiled queer relationship in Adventure Time between Princess Bubblegum and Marcelyne the Vampire Queen — which the cowards at Cartoon Network forced creators to keep as subtext!

And, well, when you lay it all out like that...

But my TikTok-fueled bisexual awakening might actually speak less to the omnipotence of the app's algorithm, and more to how heteronormativity is truly one helluva drug.

Sure, TikTok bombarded me with the thirst traps of my exact type of domineering masc lady queers, who reduced me to a puddle of drool I could no longer deny. But I also recalled a pivotal moment in college when I briefly questioned my heterosexuality, only to have a lesbian friend roll her eyes and chastise me for being one of those straight girls who leads Actual Queer Women on. I figured she must know better. So I never pursued any of my lady crushes in college, which meant I never experimented much sexually, which made me conclude that I couldn't call myself bisexual if I'd never had actual sex with a woman. I also didn't really enjoy lesbian porn much, though the fact that I'd often find myself fixating on the woman during heterosexual porn should've clued me into that probably coming more from how mainstream lesbian porn is designed for straight men.

The ubiquity of heterormativity, even when unwittingly perpetrated by members of the queer community, is such an effective self-sustaining cycle. Aside from being met with queer-gating (something I've since learned bi folks often experience), I had a hard time identifying my attraction to women as genuine attraction, simply because it felt different to how I was attracted to men.

Heteronormativity is truly one helluva drug.

So much of women's sexuality — of my sexuality — can feel defined by that carnivorous kind of validation you get from men. I met no societal resistance in fully embodying and exploring my desire for men, either (which, to be clear, was and is insatiable slut levels of wanting that peen.) But in retrospect, I wonder how many men I slept with not because I was truly attracted to them, but because I got off on how much they wanted me.

My attraction to women comes with a different texture of eroticism. With women (and bare with a baby bi, here), the attraction feels more shared, more mutual, more tender rather than possessive. It's no less raw or hot or all-consuming, don't get me wrong. But for me at least, it comes more from a place of equality rather than just power play. I love the way women seem to see right through me, to know me, without us really needing to say a word.

I am still, as it turns out, a sexual submissive through-and-through, regardless of what gender my would-be partner is. But, ignorantly and unknowingly, I'd been limiting my concept of who could embody dominant sexual personas to cis men. But when TikTok sent me down that glorious rabbit hole of masc women (who know exactly what they're doing, btw), I realized my attraction was not to men, but a certain type of masculinity. It didn't matter which body or genitalia that presentation came with.

There is something about TikTok that feels particularly suited to these journeys of sexual self-discovery and, in the case of women loving women, I don't think it's just the prescient algorithm. The short-form video format lends itself to lightning bolt-like jolts of soul-bearing nakedness, with the POV camera angles bucking conventions of the male gaze, which entrenches the language of film and TV in heterosexual male desire.

In fairness to me, I'm far from the only one who missed their inner gay for a long time — only to have her pop out like a queer jack-in-the-box throughout a near year-long quarantine that led many of us to join TikTok. There was the baby bi mom, and scores of others who no longer had to publicly perform their heterosexuality during lockdown — only to realize that, hey, maybe I'm not heterosexual at all?

Flooded with video after video affirming my suspicions, reflecting my exact experiences as they happened to others, the change in my sexual identity was so normalized on TikTok that I didn't even feel like I needed to formally "come out." I thought this safe home I'd found to foster my baby bisexuality online would extend into the real world.

But I was in for a rude awakening.

Testing out my bisexuality on other platforms, casually referring to it on Twitter, posting pictures of myself decked out in a rainbow skate outfit (which I bought before realizing I was queer), I received nothing but unquestioning support and validation. Eventually, I realized I should probably let some members of my family know before they learned through one of these posts, though.

Daunted by the idea of trying to tell my Latina Catholic mother and Swiss Army veteran father (who's had a crass running joke about me being a "lesbian" ever since I first declared myself a feminist at age 12), I chose the sibling closest to me. Seeing as how gender studies was one of her majors in college too, I thought it was a shoo-in. I sent an off-handed, joke-y but serious, "btw I'm bi now!" text, believing that's all that would be needed to receive the same nonchalant acceptance I found online.

It was not.

I didn't receive a response for two days. Hurt and panicked by what was potentially my first mild experience of homophobia, I called them out. They responded by insisting we need to have a phone call for such "serious" conversations. As I calmly tried to express my hurt on said call, I was told my text had been enough to make this sibling worry about my mental wellbeing. They said I should be more understanding of why it'd be hard for them to (and I'm paraphrasing) "think you were one way for twenty-eight years" before having to contend with me deciding I was now "something else."

But I wasn't "something else," I tried to explain, voice shaking. I hadn't knowingly been deceiving or hiding this part of me. I'd simply discovered a more appropriate label. But it was like we were speaking different languages. Other family members were more accepting, thankfully. There are many ways I'm exceptionally lucky, my IRL environment as supportive as Baby Bi TikTok. Namely, I'm in a loving relationship with a man who never once mistook any of it as a threat, instead giving me all the space in the world to understand this new facet of my sexuality.

I don't have it all figured out yet. But at least when someone asks if I listen to Girl in Red on social media, I know to answer with a resounding, "Yes," even though I've never listened to a single one of her songs. And for now, that's enough.