#hetalia Iowa

[hetastates]

Midwest Monday!

How each (Midwestern) state responds to scam calls

Illinois: Abruptly hanging up the phone. He doesn’t have time, patience, energy, or will to deal with this. As a kid he might have played along, giving a fake name like "Mr. Hugh Wang-Kerr"; as a teen he would have made threats to the spammer, but as an adult he likes to keep the line free for business opportunities and ladies in strapless dresses (for some reason, though, they never keep the line free for him…)

Indiana: Specifically answers to say "what do you want" and hangs up. Sometimes does this while driving. It’s quite concerning to those who share the road with her. Everyone wonders why she picks up if she knows she’s going to be hanging up within two seconds, but nobody has ever asked her directly why she does this. Indiana's response to scammers is an enigma and— INDI KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD!

Iowa: WHAT? HUH?! He'll call you back, he says — and by that he means meet him at the Flying J later if you have something to say to him. He might be a strapping and toned young man — the type you’d think is attractive until you get close enough to smell that True Farmer Boy Whiff — but he’s an old boomer in terms of technology. He owns a LG 5450 for "business calls" and an iPhone 5 because his friends begged him to get a real phone, yet his monthly screen time is about forty two seconds.

Kansas: How do these people keep getting her number? She once took her grievances directly to the cell phone tower, but that wasn’t resolved the way she wanted it to be resolved. Kansas has a very communal way of fixing her scam call woes: If there’s anyone around her in the vicinity, she’s all up in their face. "Hey, do you know anything about how to get rid of these dang calls? Is there, like, a button I press or somethin'?" Oklahoma once told her to chuck it into a tornado. They haven’t spoken as of late.

Michigan: Are you calling about getting your car fixed by him? He’s told you a thousand times, these new cars and their computers have got to go. Oh, you’re not? Well, why are you bothering him? "We've called you about your car's extended warranty—" Oh have you? Have you now? Nah. He’s not buying it. Get off the line right this second or else he'll reach so far under your hood that you’ll be seeing via LIDAR until Teslas are reliable.

Minnesota: Poor Minnesota, easily flustered and not one to Karen around. Half the time, she’s not sure if it’s a scam call of if it’s genuine, and she doesn’t want to be too quick to judge. She'll sit there on the line for a couple of minutes to really gauge the situation, adding in a few "uh-huhs" and "mmms" until the time is right. Then — ope! There’s someone at the door! — or, — ope! My casserole is ready". Half the time, it’s not even a lie!

Missouri: The good thing about Missouri is that he likes good, cheap, reliable things — cell phones included. He has a Sonim XP8, meaning that every time a scammer (and this extends to tax collectors, insurance agents, and Oklahoma — "Seriously, Okie, go bother someone else!" —) gives him a ring, he just throws his phone at the nearest wall and picks it up after it’s stopped ringing. Concerned? Don’t be. The Sonim is designed for that type of treatment. There’s no point in buying something if you can’t huck it.

Nebraska: When she got her first scam call, Nebraska was quite surprised — she was under the impression that this sort of thing would never happen to her! She ushered over Minnesota, who begged her to be kind (oh, Minnesota — the trouble you go through), but Nebraska had heard too much about funny responses to scammers and wanted to try some out on her own. From inventing fake and morbid businesses to pretending to be in the mafia, Nebraska has demonstrated quite the creative streak when it comes to answering scam calls.

North Dakota: He doesn’t give much thought to the matter. He barely answers these calls. Sometimes it’s a one word "no" or a two word "go away", but NoDak works in silence when it comes to scam calls. Why give it time or energy?

Ohio: Aww, yeah! It’s his time to shine! He acts as though he’s in a Broadway musical or an award-winning Hollywood hit. He doesn’t want the fame and fortune that this career demands — no, he just wants the feeling of pride and superiority he gets from completely destroying the competition. He’s mustered up some quite imaginative responses to scam calls, and has concerned quite a few of the callers. His insurance company isn’t too happy with him, because he took it a step further and started doing it to them, too. Good thing they’ve got a lawyer…

South Dakota: Like Ohio and Nebraska, he has quite the enthusiasm to answer in funny and offbeat ways, but unfortunately, he’s got a brother to the north to put some sense into him. "No, SoDak, don’t answer the phone." "No, you’re not being stupid today." Dang it, NoDak, why do you have to steal his thunder? Can’t a state do anything fun? Saying funny things to scam callers isn’t even illegal this time!

Wisconsin: What's that? Wisconsin, pick up the phone! Or is she busy again, screaming over some sports game. What game could she even be this enthusiastic over? Does she even have any major sports teams? Regardless, that phone is not getting answered in a timely manner. Does she even hear it? Wisconsin? Wisconsin, we've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty! Wisconsin! Wisconsin! Nothing. Damn.

[panda-state-panoptic]

I’ve been thinking about fashion and

This is such a Midwest girls vibe to me

(Left to right) Minnesota, Wisconsin, Iowa, Indiana is how I’d dress them

I love the idea of all the female states with their hair done up (or done down) and wearing flower patterns it’s so cute to me

And then with the 70s being bolder with fashion and just having fun

Maybe it’s because of the casualness of it and the social revival going on, but 60s (and 70s) fashion just has such a happy vibe to me and I love to see it

This is more of the 70s but

(Left to right) N. Carolina, S. Carolina, Georgia, and Tennessee is how I’d dress them

Like look at how gorgeous and fun yet elegant their silhouettes are that’s so awesome

[objection-zero]

Illinois:

- Fantastic work ethic, is great at getting things done.

- He can get pretty angry though, especially when he's in a city.

- Very suave, and has a really nice laugh.

Alabama:

- Very close wirh Mississippi, obviously.

- Always pumped up and ready to go, go, go! High energy a lot of the time.

- Alabama, Louisiana, ans Mississippi, often hang out to trash talk the rest of the states. Alabama isn't very good at gossiping though.

Maine:

- She's mute! She uses ASL and other forms of body language to communicate. New Hampshire will often translate for her if needs be as well.

- Very shy, very easy to startle. She definitely hugs the wall and doesn't hang out in the spotlight that often.

Missouri:

- Can be the grumpiest person you've ever met, or a normal chill guy. No one knows what it is that sets off his foul moods.

- He's a really good dancer, and will always tear up the dance floor.

Arkansas:

- It's not much but it's honest work.

- He's used to having to do a lot of work by himself do to having a stagnant population, but now that it's getting busier in Arkansas, he's thrilled with all the new faces.

- Very easy to please.

Michigan:

- Buff because why not.

- Owns several kayaks and canoes, and is usually out on the water doing something or other.

- He can't really surf though, and he's been made fun of by the coastal states for it.

Florida:

- My guy, he's so silly.

- He has Pinky Pie type powers—can break the fourth wall and teleport. He'll always show up when you least expect it.

- He likes to Haunt Spains house every few years just for kicks.

- America is scared of him.

Texas:

- The gayest man to ever live but he is so closeted it's so funny. The closest is glass though, everyone knows.

- Owns a farm and a ranch, has horses and loves animals dearly.

- He actually has a lot of progressive views but hides the fact because he despises California and the girl would laugh her ass off if she knew.

Iowa:

- Always laughing about something, or giggling to herself. She just finds everything funny.

- Doesn't have a lot of money on her and when hanging out with other states, will always make them pay.

- Loves her trampoline.

Wisconsin:

- She's always frowning, even if she's in a bad mood, except when wearing her cheese hat. Because that's funny to me.

- Very white girl Christian autumn flavor of person.

- Makes so much dairy products that she'll often stop by other states to give them some.

- Loves baking too.

See the reposts for the other states!

What if I showed you guys my Hetalia OCs for the 50 states that I've been working on for the past 2 months?

👀👀

Delaware:

- Overly stressed all the time, he has a complex where he needs to feel important. So he opts to do work that would normally fall on the other 49 so he can seem important to them.

- He's the busyman of Delmarva, he gets everything squared away.

- He has the biggest, most effective puppy dog eyes in the world. They're just big and sad and it's hard to say no!

Pennsylvania:

- Very active, has a gym in her home for sure even though she prefers to go outside and work out.

- She and Delaware are very close, as the first two states they became good friends (and New Jersey!). She does her best to protect Delaware when she can.

- Very straightforward, she doesn't mess around. You always know what to expect from her.

New Jersey:

- Loud. So very loud. Always wearing gaudy makeup and unappealing clothing.

- She's very loyal as a friend though–her and New York hang out constantly, with half of their time dedicated to debating something or other loud enough for everyone around them to hear.

- She and New York have been in a battle over the ownership of the Statue of Liberty for a long time. Since the statue is technically on an island that belongs to her, but New York will not give it up. She owns the gift shop.

Georgia:

- One of my favorite states, I love her and her design very dearly.

- I like to think of her as a Mary Sue type, where she's always busy and has an overwhelming amount of work to handle, but she does it all so easily and so effectively that you'd never guess how much she does.

- Also, she owns a peach orchid absolutely.

Connecticut:

- "Um, actually—🤓👆" embodied.

- Everyone is sick of how entitled he is, because he acts like he's so much more intelligent than everyone.

- Which is funny because he is really really smart, but still not as smart as he pretends to act.

- He's one of the only states that's friends with Ohio.

Massachusetts:

- Do not utter the word "revolution" around this man or he will go nuts.

- Very quick to act, very quick to anger. He likes to set things on fire—he always carries a lighter on him— and argue. If he ever came face to face with England, it would probably go very badly.

- He despises tea, to the point he physically cannot drink it.

Maryland:

- The mediator of Delmarva, this man is the master of solving problems. He's the sweetest.

- Also, the best chef in the country aside from Louisiana and I cannot stress that enough. You know this man has a BIG kitchen in his house.

South Carolina:

- The bimbo of the country okay.

- I just love the idea of her being so determined to be a farmer, but struggling so much because she's just not designed to be a farmer. But she won't give up even though she probably should.

- She's good friends with Georgia but her and North Carolina definitely have a rivalry going on.

New Hampshire:

- Can this man calm down? Please?

- He basically bounces off the walls, definitely has ADHD, and always down to do somethint stupid.

- He spends a good portion of his time bugging Vermont because she's easy to annoy. New Hampshire and Vermont are very close though. The siblings ever.

Virginia:

- I had to make one of them emo okay.

- She's the confident leader of Delmarva for sure. As the first state colonized, she's got a good heart for leadership. She's the state that works the closest with America directly.

- Despite being emo, she's very sweet.

Ahhh Image limit. Check repost for the other states!

[gamer-logic]

2p America Headcanons

Wears a dog tag received from his version of Davie who died in their world's war. This is his most precious thing other than his bat and sunglasses and is almost never seen without it. It was once taken by Lutz in a prank and let's just say, Lutz was bed bound for a month.

Get him angry enough and he slips into a Brooklyn accent. Also gains a New Jersey accent when the show Jersey Shore comes on which he detests with a burning passion.

Hates the aforementioned show and will join New Jersey in burning every bit of merch/DVD/CDs they can find.

Dresses up as a villain on Halloween to freak out Alfred.

Has a fear of clowns following the 2016 killer clown fiasco but will never admit it.

Loves his Louisville slugger bat and just about brings it everywhere. Has since taken all the nails out since living with America and the states. No one knows how it's able to fit in his jacket.

Knows what happened to his world's Roanoke Colony but will never tell.

Since coming to the 1p world, he along with the rest of the 2ps, have gained the same up-to-date scars their counterparts have. Most notably, he has two long scars on his back (towers), one on his forehead hidden above his hairline (pentagon), and one on his back calf(Pennsylvania) from the 9/11 attack to mirror Alfred.

Is surprisingly really good at horse riding and can lasso anything from yards away. This comes in handy when corralling states. Likes riding with Texas.

Doesn't know how to ice skate so Minnesota and Michigan helped teach him.

Extremely vulnerable to Hawaii and Alaska's puppy dog eyes despite his tough-guy image.

Makes sure to teach every kid baseball and joins New York at the Yankees games.

Often helps California with her vegan recopies and helps states like Kansas, Iowa, and Georgia grow their corn/peaches. Can actually cook because of this and Oliver's lessons as a kid, unlike Alfred who's tastebuds were ruined by Arthur.

Likes pranking other countries with the states.

Knows magic and helps tutor Lousiana and Massachusettes in their magic. (See my 2p America's Magic post for more info.)

Is really protective of the states and goes into papa bear mode when they're threatened.

Holds a grudge with Luciano and often terrorizes him.

Passed out when first introduced to Tony and still a little freaked out by him. interestingly, it's harder for him to believe in the concept of aliens than magic while it's the opposite with 1p America.

Loves taking care of the family whale, but will never admit to being a softie (He totally is).

Has a mouth on him and curses like it's going out of style. Censors himself rather creatively around the states though.

Trusts Delaware and Virginia the most out of all the states to be responsible and not do anything stupid.

[incorrectaphstatequotes]

Iowa: Question. When they shot Bambi's mother, did you find that a sad moment...at all?

Wisconsin: I'm sure she's mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere.

[tyiaunia-harris]

Aph Iowa 🇲🇫🇺🇲🌽🚜🐖

Name: Izzie Donton Jones Age: 175 (physically 17 years old) Personality: Sweet, smart, shy and quiet. Izzie is a very kind and loving man who mostly keeps to himself. He's mostly enjoys working on his farm and tending to his crobs. But if someone where to get hurt or mistreated he will be the first one to defend them. Izzie is misunderstood for being "boring" because of his quiet farm life, but he can be quiet amazing in the battlefield especially when he's training with his mother on hand-to-hand combat and swordsmenship. Similar to the rest of the 'Louisiana purchased' state's he loves and admires his old caregiver France and has model his new flag design after his battle flag. Izzie has a bit of drinking problem that only happens when he's in his lowest mood, luckily for him he has an awesome brother like Louisiana to keep him happy and is supportive of him getting better. Izzie's wepon of choice is his ww2 french sword and gun, he also has his own battle cry which is "Je te tuerai au nom de la liberté, de la liberté et de Dieu." Facts: knows English, Spanish, French, Dutch and Japanese. Has a pet pig named Charlotte, a skunk named mal compris and an American Goldfinch named Amériqu. Name his bird in honor of his mother because of how much he's done for him and his siblings. Qoutes: "Bonjour, je m'appelle Izzie Donton Jones. Iowa personnifié, ravi de vous rencontrer." (Iowa introducing himself in french) "You should never understatement me, I'm more than just a simple farmer boy." (To anyone who dares to harm him or his family) Nicknames: Hawkeye (by everyone) Mon bebe (by America) Mon super combattant (by France)

[worlds-collide]

This was States x Aesthetics/Stereotypes I did. This is only the first batch, I’m working on the second one now.

None for these guys belong to me. They all belong to the wonderful people in @50statesofdestruction

I hope you all enjoy these and pls don’t steal or repost these in other places or here without my permission. After all, these are not my characters!

Now a small rant(?) about the journey to the finish product of the first set.

So, at the beginning I was only gonna do 7 (Colorado was the 7th) along with Illinois and Iowa we’re gonna have switched aesthetics. Due to reasonings those changed obviously.

Some of their outfit designs have a story, in the universe or in real life. WV is wearing an Ohio State versity jacket, it used to belong to Ohio himself, but he stole it or Ohio gave him it. Iowa’s story was, “he wears all black just so the corn image pops more” <- my reasoning •w•. Michigan’s was me mashing American fashion with the bright Harajuku (?spelling)/Japanese Fashion.

Anyway, I’ve ranted enough. •~•

[ask-the-aph-california]

Illinois: I could, but... there IS a reason I play with these nerds

[ask-thefiftystatesofamerica]

ok i accidently found your profile while scrolling through incorrect quotes and I just came here to say, as someone from iowa, I LOVE your iowa to bits! please give her extra love for me

AHHHH Thank you so much for your kind words! And yes, your message of love has been passed on to Iowa and she is very flattered <3

[missmagicandlight]

Iowa: I love this family portrait. We were so happy.

North Dakota: Where's Minnesota?

Iowa: They weren't part of the family yet. That's why we were so happy.

[casuallysuperfox]

It’s Time To Stop Being Iowa Nice

Iowa is trying to implement one of the most constricting Abortion bills in America. 

The bill states that after 6 weeks a women could not get an abortion if a heartbeat is detected.

It pisses me the fuck off!

This is a direct challenge of the Roe vs Wade and they are hoping to drag this to the supreme court. 

There is a lot more I could say but i’m too freaking mad!

So Iowans out there, drop the niceties and bring out the angry farmer that resides in all of you (You know the one). If we pride ourselves on anything, it should be standing up to this injustice that will set back Reproductive Rights by decades. 

If anyone needs me I’ll be at the front lines riding a butter cow with a combine on fire behind me.

[gamer-logic]

Hetalia Platonic Ships Week Day 4 Annual Canadian-American Sleepover

Allen and James had never had the pleasure of experiencing the annual Canadian-American sleepover/prank way before, so the kids all decide to 'initiate them.' Pure chaos ensues.

They all have the sleepover at Alfred's place since it's the biggest.

Full-on prank war starts right out of the gate. Allen and James are immediately initiated by everyone with the oldest trick in the book: getting slathered in maple syrup and chicken feathers. Louisiana teams up with Ontario to terrorize Quebec voodoo-based pranks. Of course, Allen runs damage control makes sure to keep track of what they're doing, and cancel any horrible aftereffects. Nevada runs bets on who falls for what prank. The highest is California falling for the kale snack that's actually grass prank. With Tony's help, Alfred pranks Mathew by beaming down beavers on his head and teleporting him into a giant pile of maple leaves filled with syrup. Mathew immediately retaliates by jump scaring him with a creepy eagle mask every time he enters a room then chases him into the barn where he's covered in ketchup and mustard.

Pennsylvania and New Brunswick team up to switch PEI's hair care products and New Jersey's hair gel. They also replace New Jersey's bottle of soap with Tan in a Can mixed with Cheeto puff powder. Saskatchewan and Nunavut scare New York and make him think Wendigos are after him. New Mexico and Arizona fill every bit of Minnesota's winter gear with desert sand. North Dakota and North Carolina team up against South Dakota and South Carolina in a giant nerf war. Delaware, being Delaware, puts sticky notes on everything. There's can only be one. The Southern States team up to terrorize Florida in revenge for Florida man. They convince Florida she needs to around dressed as all their state football mascots to ward off Florida man who's coming to fight her Alligators.

Arkansas borrows Lousiana's pet pelican and trains it to dive-bomb Alabama and Mississippi with stink bombs. Texas mixes his five-alarm chili seasoning in with food and gets people to eat it. Alfred easily falls for this when it's put in ice cream. Mathew as well when it's put in poutine. Wisconsin makes various cheese replicas of everyday items and replaces them. He'll go around just eating things like a lamp in front of people to subtly frick with them and make them question reality. Oregon tye dyes everything Washington has. Tennesee has trained various chickens to crow at Kentucky at various hours of the day whenever she walks by. Hawaii and Alaska are currently leading on the scoreboard because, despite their unassuming looks, they're little devils, especially when hyped on sugar.

Their most successful one to date would be tying one end of Texas' lasso to Ameriwhale and telling him they found it, giving him the other end, and making him go for a swim. British Columbia and Alberta accompany Maryland who loves subtly messing with Mr. Perfectionist Delaware by moving everything he has in his room an inch over to the right and making everything crooked. Kansas, Nebraska, and Iowa rig a popcorn matching to shoot popcorn at random intervals. James ducktapes Allen's shades to his head and his bat to the top of the tallest tree in the yard. He also trains Kuma to roar in his face every time he turns a corner and turns on Jersey Shore every time he comes close to a TV to get him stuck using that accent for a whole day. Allen retaliates by hiding his hockey stick in a nearby beaver dam, dies all his flannel pink and puts polka dots on them, puts honey in his scruff and hair which makes Kuma chase him down to lick it off. He also rigs his motorbike to be remote controlled (a trick learned from Massachusettes) and attaches the back of his paints to it, making them fly off.

Eventually, things start settling down and everyone starts up the movies and eats pizza. The award for the best prank goes to, surprisingly, Wyoming and Newfoundland who actually are aresponsible for over 20+ pranks with Hawaii and Alaska in a close second and Wisconsin in third for sheer creativity. Wyoming enlists Newfoundland to help her set this up, swearing him to secrecy. Many of their pranks include creating an impossible-to-navigate maze and trick people to go in, being continually chased by prairies dogs, gophers, and various farm animals, rigging various wire traps around the house and whenever someone activates one they immediately get pied in the face, and somehow rigging every toilet in the house to flush and sing Another One Bites the Dust on command. No one knows where they got them or how they managed to do this in such a short time. They were also never caught until the scores are tallied and they revealed themselves after no one could figure out who did most of the pranks. It's always the shy ones.

About five minutes into the movie, New Jersey hits New York with a pillow starting another all-out brawl. Texas immediately goes big with a bean bag chair because it's on like Donkey Kong and his motto is 'go big or go home!' Even Delaware, usually a tightwad, gets crazy and helps West Virginia target, Virginia. All of the New England states hunker down in a pillow fort under heavy fire with the Southern states who also vote unanimously to sacrifice Florida. Oklahoma and the rest of Tornado Alley team up and become a giant collective twister of unstoppable force. The battle of the 48th parallel states and provinces i.e. BC, Alberta, Ontario, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, and Ontario vs. Minnesota, North Dakota, Montana, Idaho, and Washington rages on with South Dakota betraying them for the chance to hit North Dakota and Ontario also going rouge after being booted out. Eventually, though, they reveal their double agent status which decimates both sides. Mathew and James immediately go into hockey mode while Allen goes into baseball mode and Alfred into football mode.

The party shows no signs of slowing as the chaos continues late into the night. Everyone wakes up the next morning to find feathers everywhere, Texas' entire cowboy hat collection on the roof, PEI, Ontario, New Jersey, California, and Quebec are all duct tapped to the ceiling, Kansas is wearing a Dorothy costume while Maryland wakes up surrounded by hermit crabs. Georgia is covered in peaches and Florida is seemingly missing until they find her safe and sound in the pool snoozing on a giant Alligator float still in the Bulldog costume with every other state mascot suit next to her. Manitoba, Utah, Kentucky, and Nebraska all wake up in the barn with the chickens crowing. Texas is sleeping on top of his bull ride with his state flag dropped over him. Alfred wakes up in the bathtub in a Captain America costume and Mathew Wakes up in the shower with a Captain Canada costume on. Allen and James come out of things relatively unscathed with Allen crashed on the couch with his motorbike covered in glitter courtesy of Hawaii and Alaska in the living room and James with Kuma in the garage with Wisconsin's cow and goats. Basically, everything is pure chaos and no one knows what has been replaced by cheese and what hasn't. Needless to say, Allen and James' first annual family prank war/sleepver was a success. See y'all next year!

[incorrectaphstatequotes]

Iowa: *tending to Illinois’s wounds* How would you rate your pain?

Illinois: Zero stars. Would NOT recommend.

[bom-bombon]

I wanna point out that all my characters are over 21, they’re grown ass adults. I like to explore more the mature sides of Hetalia (mostly alcohol) but I freaking can’t because they’re so young! Hima w h y. I just can’t accept Switzerland, Spain, Portugal, and fucking everyone 15 years younger than I imagine them,

A reason why I made the 50 US states is so I can use them to justify looking into the history of booze in the US and the types of alcohol across the country. Like? The fuck is Hawkeye Vodka?? Iowa exPLAIN.

I would use Alfred but this bitch is 19. At most, I bet this kid would try and be all grown up, then when he sips beer (let’s say Coors Light), he fucking chokes on it cuz it smells and taste fucking awful.

I do not condone underage drinking. Please wait until you’re of age. But personally, it’s not worth it.

[ask-the-aph-california]

[bootleggedpoisons-blog]

((you ever get thrown back into a fandom you thought you left a while ago and suddenly want to make a verse related to said fandom?))