#hetalia Iowa

[hetastates]

Midwest Monday!

How each (Midwestern) state responds to scam calls

Illinois: Abruptly hanging up the phone. He doesn’t have time, patience, energy, or will to deal with this. As a kid he might have played along, giving a fake name like "Mr. Hugh Wang-Kerr"; as a teen he would have made threats to the spammer, but as an adult he likes to keep the line free for business opportunities and ladies in strapless dresses (for some reason, though, they never keep the line free for him…)

Indiana: Specifically answers to say "what do you want" and hangs up. Sometimes does this while driving. It’s quite concerning to those who share the road with her. Everyone wonders why she picks up if she knows she’s going to be hanging up within two seconds, but nobody has ever asked her directly why she does this. Indiana's response to scammers is an enigma and— INDI KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD!

Iowa: WHAT? HUH?! He'll call you back, he says — and by that he means meet him at the Flying J later if you have something to say to him. He might be a strapping and toned young man — the type you’d think is attractive until you get close enough to smell that True Farmer Boy Whiff — but he’s an old boomer in terms of technology. He owns a LG 5450 for "business calls" and an iPhone 5 because his friends begged him to get a real phone, yet his monthly screen time is about forty two seconds.

Kansas: How do these people keep getting her number? She once took her grievances directly to the cell phone tower, but that wasn’t resolved the way she wanted it to be resolved. Kansas has a very communal way of fixing her scam call woes: If there’s anyone around her in the vicinity, she’s all up in their face. "Hey, do you know anything about how to get rid of these dang calls? Is there, like, a button I press or somethin'?" Oklahoma once told her to chuck it into a tornado. They haven’t spoken as of late.

Michigan: Are you calling about getting your car fixed by him? He’s told you a thousand times, these new cars and their computers have got to go. Oh, you’re not? Well, why are you bothering him? "We've called you about your car's extended warranty—" Oh have you? Have you now? Nah. He’s not buying it. Get off the line right this second or else he'll reach so far under your hood that you’ll be seeing via LIDAR until Teslas are reliable.

Minnesota: Poor Minnesota, easily flustered and not one to Karen around. Half the time, she’s not sure if it’s a scam call of if it’s genuine, and she doesn’t want to be too quick to judge. She'll sit there on the line for a couple of minutes to really gauge the situation, adding in a few "uh-huhs" and "mmms" until the time is right. Then — ope! There’s someone at the door! — or, — ope! My casserole is ready". Half the time, it’s not even a lie!

Missouri: The good thing about Missouri is that he likes good, cheap, reliable things — cell phones included. He has a Sonim XP8, meaning that every time a scammer (and this extends to tax collectors, insurance agents, and Oklahoma — "Seriously, Okie, go bother someone else!" —) gives him a ring, he just throws his phone at the nearest wall and picks it up after it’s stopped ringing. Concerned? Don’t be. The Sonim is designed for that type of treatment. There’s no point in buying something if you can’t huck it.

Nebraska: When she got her first scam call, Nebraska was quite surprised — she was under the impression that this sort of thing would never happen to her! She ushered over Minnesota, who begged her to be kind (oh, Minnesota — the trouble you go through), but Nebraska had heard too much about funny responses to scammers and wanted to try some out on her own. From inventing fake and morbid businesses to pretending to be in the mafia, Nebraska has demonstrated quite the creative streak when it comes to answering scam calls.

North Dakota: He doesn’t give much thought to the matter. He barely answers these calls. Sometimes it’s a one word "no" or a two word "go away", but NoDak works in silence when it comes to scam calls. Why give it time or energy?

Ohio: Aww, yeah! It’s his time to shine! He acts as though he’s in a Broadway musical or an award-winning Hollywood hit. He doesn’t want the fame and fortune that this career demands — no, he just wants the feeling of pride and superiority he gets from completely destroying the competition. He’s mustered up some quite imaginative responses to scam calls, and has concerned quite a few of the callers. His insurance company isn’t too happy with him, because he took it a step further and started doing it to them, too. Good thing they’ve got a lawyer…

South Dakota: Like Ohio and Nebraska, he has quite the enthusiasm to answer in funny and offbeat ways, but unfortunately, he’s got a brother to the north to put some sense into him. "No, SoDak, don’t answer the phone." "No, you’re not being stupid today." Dang it, NoDak, why do you have to steal his thunder? Can’t a state do anything fun? Saying funny things to scam callers isn’t even illegal this time!

Wisconsin: What's that? Wisconsin, pick up the phone! Or is she busy again, screaming over some sports game. What game could she even be this enthusiastic over? Does she even have any major sports teams? Regardless, that phone is not getting answered in a timely manner. Does she even hear it? Wisconsin? Wisconsin, we've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty! Wisconsin! Wisconsin! Nothing. Damn.

[panda-state-panoptic]

I’ve been thinking about fashion and

This is such a Midwest girls vibe to me

(Left to right) Minnesota, Wisconsin, Iowa, Indiana is how I’d dress them

I love the idea of all the female states with their hair done up (or done down) and wearing flower patterns it’s so cute to me

And then with the 70s being bolder with fashion and just having fun

Maybe it’s because of the casualness of it and the social revival going on, but 60s (and 70s) fashion just has such a happy vibe to me and I love to see it

This is more of the 70s but

(Left to right) N. Carolina, S. Carolina, Georgia, and Tennessee is how I’d dress them

Like look at how gorgeous and fun yet elegant their silhouettes are that’s so awesome

[gamer-logic]

2p America Headcanons

Wears a dog tag received from his version of Davie who died in their world's war. This is his most precious thing other than his bat and sunglasses and is almost never seen without it. It was once taken by Lutz in a prank and let's just say, Lutz was bed bound for a month.

Get him angry enough and he slips into a Brooklyn accent. Also gains a New Jersey accent when the show Jersey Shore comes on which he detests with a burning passion.

Hates the aforementioned show and will join New Jersey in burning every bit of merch/DVD/CDs they can find.

Dresses up as a villain on Halloween to freak out Alfred.

Has a fear of clowns following the 2016 killer clown fiasco but will never admit it.

Loves his Louisville slugger bat and just about brings it everywhere. Has since taken all the nails out since living with America and the states. No one knows how it's able to fit in his jacket.

Knows what happened to his world's Roanoke Colony but will never tell.

Since coming to the 1p world, he along with the rest of the 2ps, have gained the same up-to-date scars their counterparts have. Most notably, he has two long scars on his back (towers), one on his forehead hidden above his hairline (pentagon), and one on his back calf(Pennsylvania) from the 9/11 attack to mirror Alfred.

Is surprisingly really good at horse riding and can lasso anything from yards away. This comes in handy when corralling states. Likes riding with Texas.

Doesn't know how to ice skate so Minnesota and Michigan helped teach him.

Extremely vulnerable to Hawaii and Alaska's puppy dog eyes despite his tough-guy image.

Makes sure to teach every kid baseball and joins New York at the Yankees games.

Often helps California with her vegan recopies and helps states like Kansas, Iowa, and Georgia grow their corn/peaches. Can actually cook because of this and Oliver's lessons as a kid, unlike Alfred who's tastebuds were ruined by Arthur.

Likes pranking other countries with the states.

Knows magic and helps tutor Lousiana and Massachusettes in their magic. (See my 2p America's Magic post for more info.)

Is really protective of the states and goes into papa bear mode when they're threatened.

Holds a grudge with Luciano and often terrorizes him.

Passed out when first introduced to Tony and still a little freaked out by him. interestingly, it's harder for him to believe in the concept of aliens than magic while it's the opposite with 1p America.

Loves taking care of the family whale, but will never admit to being a softie (He totally is).

Has a mouth on him and curses like it's going out of style. Censors himself rather creatively around the states though.

Trusts Delaware and Virginia the most out of all the states to be responsible and not do anything stupid.

[incorrectaphstatequotes]

Iowa: Question. When they shot Bambi's mother, did you find that a sad moment...at all?

Wisconsin: I'm sure she's mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere.

[tyiaunia-harris]

Aph Iowa 🇲🇫🇺🇲🌽🚜🐖

Name: Izzie Donton Jones Age: 175 (physically 17 years old) Personality: Sweet, smart, shy and quiet. Izzie is a very kind and loving man who mostly keeps to himself. He's mostly enjoys working on his farm and tending to his crobs. But if someone where to get hurt or mistreated he will be the first one to defend them. Izzie is misunderstood for being "boring" because of his quiet farm life, but he can be quiet amazing in the battlefield especially when he's training with his mother on hand-to-hand combat and swordsmenship. Similar to the rest of the 'Louisiana purchased' state's he loves and admires his old caregiver France and has model his new flag design after his battle flag. Izzie has a bit of drinking problem that only happens when he's in his lowest mood, luckily for him he has an awesome brother like Louisiana to keep him happy and is supportive of him getting better. Izzie's wepon of choice is his ww2 french sword and gun, he also has his own battle cry which is "Je te tuerai au nom de la liberté, de la liberté et de Dieu." Facts: knows English, Spanish, French, Dutch and Japanese. Has a pet pig named Charlotte, a skunk named mal compris and an American Goldfinch named Amériqu. Name his bird in honor of his mother because of how much he's done for him and his siblings. Qoutes: "Bonjour, je m'appelle Izzie Donton Jones. Iowa personnifié, ravi de vous rencontrer." (Iowa introducing himself in french) "You should never understatement me, I'm more than just a simple farmer boy." (To anyone who dares to harm him or his family) Nicknames: Hawkeye (by everyone) Mon bebe (by America) Mon super combattant (by France)

[worlds-collide]

This was States x Aesthetics/Stereotypes I did. This is only the first batch, I’m working on the second one now.

None for these guys belong to me. They all belong to the wonderful people in @50statesofdestruction

I hope you all enjoy these and pls don’t steal or repost these in other places or here without my permission. After all, these are not my characters!

Now a small rant(?) about the journey to the finish product of the first set.

So, at the beginning I was only gonna do 7 (Colorado was the 7th) along with Illinois and Iowa we’re gonna have switched aesthetics. Due to reasonings those changed obviously.

Some of their outfit designs have a story, in the universe or in real life. WV is wearing an Ohio State versity jacket, it used to belong to Ohio himself, but he stole it or Ohio gave him it. Iowa’s story was, “he wears all black just so the corn image pops more” <- my reasoning •w•. Michigan’s was me mashing American fashion with the bright Harajuku (?spelling)/Japanese Fashion.

Anyway, I’ve ranted enough. •~•

[ask-the-aph-california]

Illinois: I could, but... there IS a reason I play with these nerds

[ask-thefiftystatesofamerica]

ok i accidently found your profile while scrolling through incorrect quotes and I just came here to say, as someone from iowa, I LOVE your iowa to bits! please give her extra love for me

AHHHH Thank you so much for your kind words! And yes, your message of love has been passed on to Iowa and she is very flattered <3

[missmagicandlight]

Iowa: I love this family portrait. We were so happy.

North Dakota: Where's Minnesota?

Iowa: They weren't part of the family yet. That's why we were so happy.

[casuallysuperfox]

It’s Time To Stop Being Iowa Nice

Iowa is trying to implement one of the most constricting Abortion bills in America. 

The bill states that after 6 weeks a women could not get an abortion if a heartbeat is detected.

It pisses me the fuck off!

This is a direct challenge of the Roe vs Wade and they are hoping to drag this to the supreme court. 

There is a lot more I could say but i’m too freaking mad!

So Iowans out there, drop the niceties and bring out the angry farmer that resides in all of you (You know the one). If we pride ourselves on anything, it should be standing up to this injustice that will set back Reproductive Rights by decades. 

If anyone needs me I’ll be at the front lines riding a butter cow with a combine on fire behind me.

[bom-bombon]

I wanna point out that all my characters are over 21, they’re grown ass adults. I like to explore more the mature sides of Hetalia (mostly alcohol) but I freaking can’t because they’re so young! Hima w h y. I just can’t accept Switzerland, Spain, Portugal, and fucking everyone 15 years younger than I imagine them,

A reason why I made the 50 US states is so I can use them to justify looking into the history of booze in the US and the types of alcohol across the country. Like? The fuck is Hawkeye Vodka?? Iowa exPLAIN.

I would use Alfred but this bitch is 19. At most, I bet this kid would try and be all grown up, then when he sips beer (let’s say Coors Light), he fucking chokes on it cuz it smells and taste fucking awful.

I do not condone underage drinking. Please wait until you’re of age. But personally, it’s not worth it.

[gamer-logic]

Hetalia Platonic Ships Week Day 4 Annual Canadian-American Sleepover

Allen and James had never had the pleasure of experiencing the annual Canadian-American sleepover/prank way before, so the kids all decide to 'initiate them.' Pure chaos ensues.

They all have the sleepover at Alfred's place since it's the biggest.

Full-on prank war starts right out of the gate. Allen and James are immediately initiated by everyone with the oldest trick in the book: getting slathered in maple syrup and chicken feathers. Louisiana teams up with Ontario to terrorize Quebec voodoo-based pranks. Of course, Allen runs damage control makes sure to keep track of what they're doing, and cancel any horrible aftereffects. Nevada runs bets on who falls for what prank. The highest is California falling for the kale snack that's actually grass prank. With Tony's help, Alfred pranks Mathew by beaming down beavers on his head and teleporting him into a giant pile of maple leaves filled with syrup. Mathew immediately retaliates by jump scaring him with a creepy eagle mask every time he enters a room then chases him into the barn where he's covered in ketchup and mustard.

Pennsylvania and New Brunswick team up to switch PEI's hair care products and New Jersey's hair gel. They also replace New Jersey's bottle of soap with Tan in a Can mixed with Cheeto puff powder. Saskatchewan and Nunavut scare New York and make him think Wendigos are after him. New Mexico and Arizona fill every bit of Minnesota's winter gear with desert sand. North Dakota and North Carolina team up against South Dakota and South Carolina in a giant nerf war. Delaware, being Delaware, puts sticky notes on everything. There's can only be one. The Southern States team up to terrorize Florida in revenge for Florida man. They convince Florida she needs to around dressed as all their state football mascots to ward off Florida man who's coming to fight her Alligators.

Arkansas borrows Lousiana's pet pelican and trains it to dive-bomb Alabama and Mississippi with stink bombs. Texas mixes his five-alarm chili seasoning in with food and gets people to eat it. Alfred easily falls for this when it's put in ice cream. Mathew as well when it's put in poutine. Wisconsin makes various cheese replicas of everyday items and replaces them. He'll go around just eating things like a lamp in front of people to subtly frick with them and make them question reality. Oregon tye dyes everything Washington has. Tennesee has trained various chickens to crow at Kentucky at various hours of the day whenever she walks by. Hawaii and Alaska are currently leading on the scoreboard because, despite their unassuming looks, they're little devils, especially when hyped on sugar.

Their most successful one to date would be tying one end of Texas' lasso to Ameriwhale and telling him they found it, giving him the other end, and making him go for a swim. British Columbia and Alberta accompany Maryland who loves subtly messing with Mr. Perfectionist Delaware by moving everything he has in his room an inch over to the right and making everything crooked. Kansas, Nebraska, and Iowa rig a popcorn matching to shoot popcorn at random intervals. James ducktapes Allen's shades to his head and his bat to the top of the tallest tree in the yard. He also trains Kuma to roar in his face every time he turns a corner and turns on Jersey Shore every time he comes close to a TV to get him stuck using that accent for a whole day. Allen retaliates by hiding his hockey stick in a nearby beaver dam, dies all his flannel pink and puts polka dots on them, puts honey in his scruff and hair which makes Kuma chase him down to lick it off. He also rigs his motorbike to be remote controlled (a trick learned from Massachusettes) and attaches the back of his paints to it, making them fly off.

Eventually, things start settling down and everyone starts up the movies and eats pizza. The award for the best prank goes to, surprisingly, Wyoming and Newfoundland who actually are aresponsible for over 20+ pranks with Hawaii and Alaska in a close second and Wisconsin in third for sheer creativity. Wyoming enlists Newfoundland to help her set this up, swearing him to secrecy. Many of their pranks include creating an impossible-to-navigate maze and trick people to go in, being continually chased by prairies dogs, gophers, and various farm animals, rigging various wire traps around the house and whenever someone activates one they immediately get pied in the face, and somehow rigging every toilet in the house to flush and sing Another One Bites the Dust on command. No one knows where they got them or how they managed to do this in such a short time. They were also never caught until the scores are tallied and they revealed themselves after no one could figure out who did most of the pranks. It's always the shy ones.

About five minutes into the movie, New Jersey hits New York with a pillow starting another all-out brawl. Texas immediately goes big with a bean bag chair because it's on like Donkey Kong and his motto is 'go big or go home!' Even Delaware, usually a tightwad, gets crazy and helps West Virginia target, Virginia. All of the New England states hunker down in a pillow fort under heavy fire with the Southern states who also vote unanimously to sacrifice Florida. Oklahoma and the rest of Tornado Alley team up and become a giant collective twister of unstoppable force. The battle of the 48th parallel states and provinces i.e. BC, Alberta, Ontario, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, and Ontario vs. Minnesota, North Dakota, Montana, Idaho, and Washington rages on with South Dakota betraying them for the chance to hit North Dakota and Ontario also going rouge after being booted out. Eventually, though, they reveal their double agent status which decimates both sides. Mathew and James immediately go into hockey mode while Allen goes into baseball mode and Alfred into football mode.

The party shows no signs of slowing as the chaos continues late into the night. Everyone wakes up the next morning to find feathers everywhere, Texas' entire cowboy hat collection on the roof, PEI, Ontario, New Jersey, California, and Quebec are all duct tapped to the ceiling, Kansas is wearing a Dorothy costume while Maryland wakes up surrounded by hermit crabs. Georgia is covered in peaches and Florida is seemingly missing until they find her safe and sound in the pool snoozing on a giant Alligator float still in the Bulldog costume with every other state mascot suit next to her. Manitoba, Utah, Kentucky, and Nebraska all wake up in the barn with the chickens crowing. Texas is sleeping on top of his bull ride with his state flag dropped over him. Alfred wakes up in the bathtub in a Captain America costume and Mathew Wakes up in the shower with a Captain Canada costume on. Allen and James come out of things relatively unscathed with Allen crashed on the couch with his motorbike covered in glitter courtesy of Hawaii and Alaska in the living room and James with Kuma in the garage with Wisconsin's cow and goats. Basically, everything is pure chaos and no one knows what has been replaced by cheese and what hasn't. Needless to say, Allen and James' first annual family prank war/sleepver was a success. See y'all next year!

[incorrectaphstatequotes]

Iowa: *tending to Illinois’s wounds* How would you rate your pain?

Illinois: Zero stars. Would NOT recommend.

[mysticdragon3md3]

I really need to stop preordering figures of characters I barely know or don't know at all.  And now I should add to that list "characters I like but am not obsessed with".

Because then wonFes announcements come for characters I love, who I never expected would get Nendoroids, I regret spending money on those characters I only have a passing affinity for.  Like, I preordered Nendo Bayonetta this past October, and now I constantly think about how that money should've gone towards Nendo Kairi, Nendo Aqua, or preordering P5S.  I think of the money I wasted on Nendo Bayo...and Nendo 2B (when I haven't even played Nier Automata yet---I don't know how I've manage to stay away from spoilers so far!), the 2 butai version Touken Ranbu Nendoroids, Nendo Saber Musashi, Nendo Kiso, all my KanColle Nendoroids (besides Kongo), etc.  That's money I should have saved for the seated Nendo Hinata and Kageyama versions, Nendo Axel, Nendo Roxas, Nendo 9S, Hetalia world Stars version Nendo UK, etc.  Instead, I'm probably now not going to get any of those.  Plus, I'm going to be hurting when I get Nendo Dizzy and that new version of Nendo Nishinoya Yu.  I mean, I could photoshoot fun jokes with Nendo Bayonetta as Nendo Joker's mom but was that really worth completely cutting out budget consideration for Nendo Roxas and Axel?  And now Kairi and Aqua are on my chopping block...;_;  This is crazy.  

Maybe I shouldn't even preorder Persona 5 Strikers.  I mean, I could get the story from let's plays.  But it's a musou game, and hack'n'slash can be so relaxing and easy to pick up anytime.  I could really enjoy playing it.  Much more than even P5; I typically dislike turn-based.  I only put up with P5's turn-based combat because P5 was so stylish and I loved the characters.  In fact, hack'n'slash is my preferred type of gameplay, next to 2D fighters.  I even play action-RPGs as if they were hack'n'slash. (I didn't switch out my Keyblade or keychains on KH1 until The End of the world. lol)  

Lately I keep thinking about how I can't just sell off the Nendoroids I regret buying, because I threw away all their packaging.  I kept the boxes, collapsed in a storage box.  But the plastic blister packaging...I let other people convince me to toss it.  And honestly, I thought---I KNEW I needed to overcome my hoarding problem and I KNOW that I'm too shy, anxious, and lazy to go through any kind of selling process, so I HAVE ALWAYS ended up just keeping everything I already have.  I KNEW I would never sell even the Nendoroids I didn't completely love.  And honestly, everything eventually comes in handy!  So why do I still feel bad for spending money on them?  I would have felt worse for not.  I always feel worse for not buying something than for buying something.  Because everything always eventually comes in handy.  And it's not like they're characters I hate.  Kiso, Shoukaku, Onodera, Yuri, Victor,...I like their characters, even if I'm not completely obsessed to justify $50 on each of them.  And I don't absolutely regret even characters I barely know, like Kuuro, Akaashi, Chuuya, Ushio, Izetta, Annelotte, etc..  And Nendos I have of characters I don't even know, like Iowa,  Kurisu, Seishiro, Sora/Shiro, Tina, Kuroyukihime, Aoba Naruko, etc....It's not like I hate them.  They're still Nendoroids, and Nendoroids are still cute.  Additionally, they're parts are still modular and very useful.  Like, I would have considered selling my Kurisu Makise and Yuri Katsuki Nendos, if it wasn't for the fact that their faceplates and wardrobes have proven SO good for other characters in my collection that I prefer to do photoshoots of. And let's face it:  I AM too anxious to sell figures.  I'm too anxious to do online transactions and back when I did swap meets, I got harassed so much that I'm just turned off from ever doing them again.  

I guess the only thing I can do is make more money to cover my upcoming preorders and try really hard not to order characters I barely know from now on.  ...Even though I've been saying that last half for years now.  x_______x;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;  

Now I have to consider adopting a policy of passing up preordering figures of characters I do know and like, if they are not my absolute obsessions.  Like, Aqa and Kairi.  I know them; I like them.  Hell, Aqua used to be one of my favorite cosplays!  But now I have to consider that maybe I don't love them enough to the heights of obsession, enough to buy their Nendoroids.  ...All because I wasted money on figures like Bayonetta instead.  

Ugh.  Am I back to my mental starting point?  Did I circle back?  Am I just thinking in circles?  Is this just being anxious?  

Or did I decide something useful?  Like skipping KH3 Nendo Kairi, to hold out hope for  KH2 Nendo Kairi.  I prefer her KH2 outfit and I've always preferred long hair.  Maybe I should just skip KH3 Nendo Kairi.  But what if I finally get around to playing that KH3 copy on my shelf, I fall in love with that version of Kairi, and I regret not getting KH3 Nendo Kairi?!?  o~O?!?!??????????!  

Ugh...Just anxious circles...  

[bootleggedpoisons-blog]

((you ever get thrown back into a fandom you thought you left a while ago and suddenly want to make a verse related to said fandom?))

[ask-the-aph-california]