#hes very ambitious about achieving things he puts his faith in | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sukiglycerin · 4 years ago

Text

dolce (sweetly, softly, gently)

* pairing: accompanist/violinist!katsuki bakugou x violinist!reader (gender neutral!) ft kamijirou

* genre: fluff, kinda angst, enemies to lovers, classical musician au hehe

* words: 9.5k (holy crap, this was a rollercoaster to write)

* warnings: swearing bc not only does bakugou exist, he is a prominent character, brief viola/second violinist jokes (reader’s words not mine), poor rosins being dropped :(

* a/n: SO this is very late for @prettysetterbaby‘s v-day collab!! pls check out all the other talented writers involved >< jj is an ANGEL for putting up with me being late T_T there’s some violin terminology in here but it’s fine if you don’t understand it! more notes at the end aha

* playlist (spotify in source link): violin sonata no.9, op.47 in a major “kreutzer” (beethoven) ; liebesfreud (kriesler) ; violin partita no.3 in e major (bach) ; duo concertante for 2 violins no.3 in d-sharp major, op.57 (beriot) ; clair de lune (debussy) ; duo for 2 violins in d-major, op.67, no.2 (spohr) ; 24 caprices op.1, no.24 in a minor (paganini)

* synopsis: being a soloist is not made easy by your new accompanist, bakugou. you step on each other’s toes when playing - but that’s alright, he’s just a pianist. you’re separated in your two worlds of musical instruments, until one day, you’re not. bakugou traverses over realms like a simple string crossing, and there’s a lot more he’s brought with him.

a double stop in violin is a technique in which two notes are played simultaneously. played correctly, one violin playing two notes should sound like two violins playing separate notes. if your life was a violin, you only needed double stops to play it. you'd perfected the art of being alone, playing the parts of two in your sad solo sonata. you were so, so sure you could compose and play for the whole orchestra - a symphony that would surely please the audience.

you were wrong. after all, a double stop has its limits as well, impossible to play with an interval of larger than a tenth. you were content with your double stops and playing by yourself. this was how you won countless competitions - what good would changing anything be?

you were born a soloist, or that's what your parents would say. you never followed the crowd, sticking to your own mind and doing what was true to you. you never worked well in an orchestra setting (and who knew what would become of you if you ever landed in second violin!). thus, you became a soloist, determined to keep the spotlight on you. it was you and your perfection that kept the eyes of the audience transfixed; you were desperate to keep their focus enraptured by every slight movement of your bow, every shift in finger position on the fingerboard. you wanted them to follow every dynamic and tempo change like their life depended on it, feel their emotion spark the moment your bow pressed a string. you were the only one on stage, an entertainer and an artist to the audience. you brought joy and sorrow through key changes and wonder through glissandos and held suspense with every tremolo. the audience was yours for an entire piece, for a story, for a lifetime.

oh, and there was the accompanist. what was his name again? batsugou? bakugou. the last part was a joke, of course. you'd never forget the man who ruined your first recital overseas.

katsuki bakugou was quickly made your accompanist after the previous one quit last minute and schedule clashes between any other potential candidates rendered them unable to travel with you. no one in their right mind would've come along on a plane to play a piano accompaniment for you. indeed, bakugou was not in his right mind. his name was prominent locally, an orchestral prodigy with the gift of perfect pitch since the tender age of thirteen. he never ventured internationally, though given the chance multiple times to do so. you could never understand why he never took any of the opportunities. you'd jump at any chance of expanding your musical horizons and performing for a larger audience, so it frustrated you to see someone with such potential to throw away possibly beneficial opportunities. not that you really paid much attention to him, anyway. bakugou was a pianist, and you were a violinist. you only cared about competition, not those with blessings you could only dream of achieving.

the months leading to your recital, bakugou had gone quiet. well, you didn't know him personally, so it was news of him that had gone practically radio silent. he was no longer featured in news articles or even pinned on bulletin boards for upcoming recitals. there were no updates from him on social media, too. not that you really paid attention, anyway. he was a prodigy, gifted naturally with talent, and you were a violinist.

an ambitious violinist, at that. you had dreams to perform anywhere out of the stifling air of japan. even to fly a short distance to south korea would be amazing, because it meant you'd be outside of japan. you worked towards this goal tirelessly. you dreamed of stepping on a plane, violin case in your right hand and your dreams in another, to fly to another country and perform. you wished to see the talent beyond your own bubble and feel the music resonate in an auditorium in a different way than it did in japan.

one day, that dream was realized. your violin case in one hand and dreams in another, you boarded the plane flying out of japan full of hope and the faith that good days were coming. while yes, you didn't expect to step out of that plane with anyone but your old accompanist, momo, bakugou's presence comforted you in the foreign atmosphere. for the first ten minutes, he said not a word to you but made it a point to speak to everyone else he could in what seemed like very convincingly fluent english.

to which you finally mustered up the courage to say, in japanese, "i thought you didn't travel internationally."

his japanese voice was a comforting sound. "i don't. this is my first time out of japan."

you stared at him like he just said he ate babies for breakfast (which seemed just as astronomically insane as him never stepping foot out of japan).

"but-" you stuttered. "your english is so good?"

"only because you can't understand it."

to be fair, he had a point. you could only say the basics, like, "hi," "how are you?", "i'm fine, and you?," and the ever-so useful, "do you speak japanese? my english is not good." he appeared to never use any of these phrases, so he was a god in english compared to you.

it was a miracle you navigated out of the airport with your luggage in hand and a general idea of how to get to the hotel you'd booked. you're not going to talk about the events in the hotel, though. sharing a bed with bakugou was a whole different story that consisted of him complaining about your phone usage at eleven pm and you complaining about his lack of sufficient english skills to be able to get the right hotel room (which he'd retort by saying "at least i speak english!").

the path to your first international competition was rocky, so understandably by the day of the performance, your metaphorical feet were sore and you only had water on your metaphorical mind. that is to say, you hadn't practiced with bakugou once until the day before the performance. said rehearsal was cut short due to misunderstandings as a result of bakugou's apparent not-so-fluency in english. you felt bad for him at this point.

and then you were up on stage, violin in one hand, bow in the other, and arms full of your childhood aspirations. also, definitely not prepared enough. you glanced once at bakugou before beginning and he looked confident enough. the lesson you learned that day was that looks can be deceiving.

something you could remember quite clearly was the way the spotlight shined on the varnish of your instrument as you held it, propped between your chin and shoulder. you focused on this shine before taking a deep breath, closing your eyes, and praying muscle memory would take over and you'd play the piece faithfully to the score.

you liked to think your playing was accurate. you, the soloist, were the main focus of the piece. the accompaniment made the piece richer and fuller, complementing the violin beautifully while keeping attention on said violin. the thing was, bakugou, like you, played like a soloist.

the performance was like a fight, and sadly not the graceful kind you'd see in a ballet. it was gory and a nuance to the ears, melodic tinkling of the piano becoming tears of a soldier dying in combat. at parts, you clashed by overshadowing the other by playing too loudly. sometimes it was you, and sometimes it was bakugou. it was a merciless game of tag; bakugou would be running to keep up with your playing; once achieving so, you were forced to start chasing after him. you can't exactly remember if he played well, though. for certain, he was not in sync with you, but you were mainly too preoccupied with your own playing to pay attention to his. listening to the recording of the performance, you were unable to evaluate his quality of playing properly, and thus, he remained your accompanist even when you returned to japan.

(actually, the biggest reason he stayed your accompanist was because of your classical musician friends' nagging. they were all in complete awe that the famous soloist, katsuki bakugou, had offered to be your accompanist, and begged for an autograph. of course, you declined.)

you figured that like you, bakugou was a soloist. he wasn't fit to assist your playing, far more suited to his own solos to entrance the audience with only his playing. being a soloist, he played like one too - that's simply how things worked. this understanding of him, though, still couldn't stop you from harbouring a small grudge against him for ruining your international debut.

and then there was the man himself, all standoffish and rough in words and persona. obscenities had no hesitation coming (thrust!) from his mouth. he yelled brashly and frequently and it astonished you that he was a classical musician, as most of your friends of the classical music profession were typically on the quiet, softer spoken side. those that were extroverts were optimistically so, in far contrast to bakugou, who you'd expect from looks alone to be playing in some heavy metal band. it was scary to hear his renditions of debussy's dreamy, serendipitous pieces when over your earbuds, he was yelling at some guy named "shitty hair" on his phone. you were curious how he looked recording the piece.

you didn't typically communicate, though. conversation, which only ever existed during rehearsal, was a question from you and a clipped grunt in response. there was nothing else to your relation; he played his part, and you played yours. sometimes you did this simultaneously, but it was as if you were playing two completely different things. performance, according to your friends, was now stilted. this was partially the reason you stopped listening to recorded performances. it wasn’t even like you’d ever derived pleasure from listening to them - you only nitpicked your mistakes.

your old accompanist, momo, on the other hand, was an absolute angel. she was kind, polite, and skilled on the piano, fingers dancing over the keys like a graceful ballet. you fit well with her; each performance was like a delightful conversation between friends, pleasant on the ears and twinkling with joy and laughter. with her, every performance felt like something resembling victory, even if it wasn’t a competition. to you, winning the audience’s gaze was enough.

then again, you didn't feel that you could judge quite yet. momo was your accompanist for years, and you could barely remember how the two of you sounded when you first started out. bakugou had been your accompanist for mere months (though it did feel much, much longer considering how frustrating he could be). you couldn't understand why he became your accompanist at all.

opposites. it was an accurate representation of your relationship with bakugou. he was a pianist, you weren't. he was a prodigy, you weren't. he was blessed with talent, you weren't. there was nothing to talk to him about, obviously, because of these dividing factors.

the longer you knew him, the more your disdain for the man grew. at rehearsals, it always felt like your performances were about him, him, and him. he was the star piano player, of course. he hadn't volunteered to be your accompanist as a sense of "stepping down"; no, no, rather, he was flaunting his piano playing with a violin playing in the background. he played perfectly. for a soloist.

as time passed, these frustrations with him became more and more apparent. you became acutely aware of how his performance would outshine your own, and it sickened you. slowly, the quality of your own performances took a nosedive. if the piece was originally pianissimo, you'd take it up to piano (then, if bakugou increased his volume, forte). if the tempo was andante and he was playing moderato, you'd play allegro. it was a competition at this point - instigated by him, of course. you were just upping the ante, even if it meant sacrificing your own artistry.

a lot of people warned you of what would happen, but you ignored them. the fierce competition you felt between you and bakugou caused your own downfall as a musician. slowly, gigs stopped trickling in, like a faucet being shut off. you blamed this on bakugou. ("i was international before him. now, i can barely get a gig in musutafu! why does everyone think he's so great?" you had fumed over the phone to jirou, your old roommate from university. she asked you if you had even listened to him play.)

you were scrambling for places to perform at this point. (“fire him,” the very unhelpful hagakure told you. you didn’t know what you were thinking when you asked her, a violist in a local orchestra. it wasn’t like she ever got a solo.) you’d seriously considered doing so, but came up empty when looking for another accompanist. online forums and friends’ connections could only do so much. they were all either unavailable during rehearsal schedules or inadequate in terms of adapting to the music given.

“you need to try working together with him,” jirou advised you one day over the phone.

“yeah, say that to yourself and kaminari,” you muttered bitterly under your breath. kaminari was a guitarist in jirou’s band who hadn’t quite gotten along with jirou well. jirou made fun of the lightning bolt streak in his hair. when you first met them, all they did was bicker day and night; now, according to the other guitarist, tokoyami, they still did this, though on a smaller scale.

she heard you. “well,” jirou said, slightly ticked off, “we get along better now. because of communication. look- i’m not saying you need to be best friends with bakugou or anything, but you need to talk to him about what’s working and what’s not. respect him as another musician, y’know?”

“i’ll… try,” you said begrudgingly.

you heard a muffled yell from the other side of the call. “kaminari, you idiot!” jirou called, voice a bit far. “what did i tell you about plugging in the amp? i said not to-” she cut herself off. “sorry, y/n, i need to go now. kaminari’s back to his normal antics.” she sighed, but it sounded more endeared than irritated. the call ended.

respect bakugou as another musician. you could do that. bakugou was only a pianist. you were a violinist. he was your accompanist. he was to support your playing. you’d forever be separated from him, doing your own thing. he, certainly, couldn’t understand the woes of being a violinist. not the intonation nor the techniques; you were sure that if you handed him a violin on the spot, he wouldn’t be able to even hold the bow properly. the notion of bakugou, piano prodigy, struggling to make a decent sound on the violin with a bow clenched in an ungainly grip deeply amused you.

these thoughts kept your relationship with bakugou afloat and restrained you from strangling him every time he stepped a toe out of line during rehearsals. ploddingly, with as minimal communication as you could manage, you tried to play with bakugou together, as a duet rather than as two soloists playing simultaneously. you swallowed your pride to play accurately to the music, patiently explaining any qualms you had with bakugou’s playing.

eventually, you found yourself building up your performances to the quality they had once been with momo. it was still far from the pristine playing that led you to an international invite - but it was an improvement, and that was all that mattered to you. innately, you were slightly ashamed of the thoughts that allowed you to keep working with bakugou. they were thoughts that told of your superiority to him, because he was playing piano for you. that’s all he was; an accompaniment to you. you told yourself that having these thoughts on the inside was better than fighting with bakugou.

somehow, along the strings of notes slurred together and shifts of fingers from one spot on a string to the next, you found yourself experiencing a strange joy gliding your bow against the strings of your violin. the rich sound of your instrument, withering and blooming with every stroke of vibrato you performed, fulfilled you unlike how it ever had before. up until now, you’d been playing for the audience, rather than yourself. the melody reverberating in the hollow body of your violin was never for your own ears to enjoy, it was for the audience’s satisfaction and listening pleasure. for it was their own enjoyment that won you competition after competition, playing with a blank face. on some occasions, you’d open your eyes during the applause to see some audience members crying, which ultimately confused you. how you were able to draw emotions from them with your playing when the music was unable to render you anything but indifferent?

you knew it in yourself, though, that the happiness you felt was hollow. delightful notes supposed to boast joy and love echoed in the rehearsal room, falling flat on your ears.

you were a soloist, though. you couldn’t let thoughts like these get to you. you could only play, for both your pride and your audience. these woes were for you to shoulder, on top of the violin you held between your chin and collarbone.

“you’re here early,” bakugou commented one day, opening the door to your shared rehearsal room. tucked under one arm was his folder of sheet music. he caught you in the middle of practicing one of the pieces for a gig - liebesfreud, by fritz kreisler.

it was true. the morning sun basked the window sill and laminate flooring, warming the particular spots it shone through. you’d arrived an hour or so early. pleased by the bright nature of the morning, you pulled up the blinds. typically, you ran late, arriving ten minutes after bakugou’s text of “you’re late again, idiot” with a coffee and a bagel in your hands. those mornings, you were really grateful for having a case with backpack straps. if you hadn’t the time to eat your bagel on the way to rehearsal, it was cold and hard by the time you had a lunch break.

thankfully, today was not one of those days. whether it was the sun or the title of the piece (“love’s joy,” how wonderful), you’d woken up and decided that today, you’d have a warm and soft bagel for breakfast. you had a coupon for a free coffee and surprisingly, the commute to rehearsals was more punctual than usual. thus, you arrived an hour early, a smile on your face as you opened the door. you opened your case with extra care and rosined your bow with extra zest, humming a tune you heard playing on the radio. bakugou would’ve had a heart attack had he saw you then.

you ignored his entrance, only peeping one eye open at the man and nodding your head toward the piano as you continued on with the piece. you allowed yourself to become immersed in the music, following the soft pace bakugou set in his playing. closing your eyes, you saw the audience before you and felt your fingers sliding and pressing the strings. time flew while playing the piece; you’d barely noticed that the piece was nearing its end, playing its familiar melody one last time before opening your eyes. a glance at the rosin dusted in between the bridge and fingerboard of your violin satisfied you, like salt on caramel. you surely played just as sweet, smooth and saccharine like the gooey texture of a caramel confection. you relished in the sunlight streaming through into the room, ignoring the shuffling of papers behind you (from bakugou, no doubt). that was how you should play.

“something’s off,” you blearily opened your eyes to the sound of bakugou’s gruff voice. he was frowning, eyebrows furrowed in a not atypical manner.

“what,” you said flatly. “it sounded fine to me. i didn’t mess up or anything.”

“no,” he replied, deep in thought, crimson eyes darkening a shade. “we don’t have proper… emotion in the music.”

“huh?” you felt a comical question mark rising out of your head. “i played it perfectly to score. it conveys the composer’s emotions to a t,” you said, getting annoyed with the pianist. your grip tightened on your violin’s neck.

“well- yeah,” he gritted his teeth. “but what about your emotions?”

“who cares about my emotions?” you said. “all that matters is that my playing is perfect. the audience feels the emotions, not me.” why else had you been plucked into violin lessons when you were five? surely not for your own enjoyment.

“idiot, that’s definitely not how it is.”

“it’s just violin playing!” you snapped. “it’s not complicated with- with emotions! it’s the same as anything else!”

“you’re wrong,” bakugou coldly answered.

“what would you understand?” you seethed. “you’re just a damn pianist. you follow my lead.”

he ignored your remarks. “why do you play a fucking instrument, then? why bother to enter competitions or recitals?”

“to win, like any other normal person!”

he let out a clipped, exasperated breath. “fuckin’ explains it, then.” he didn’t elaborate. dismissing the topic, he said, “whatever. play the piece from the top. actually try to look at me this time, so we can stay together. put more emphasis on the downbeat at the start.”

“it’s not like you even heard me play the beginning,” you retorted, but made sure to accent that note even more during the replay. pianists. they always were on their high horses.

something you looked forward to every year was the valentine’s recital. the organizers, an old couple, had known you since you were a child, and thus developed a soft spot for you. you were a shoo-in for the event, relied on to learn the music on a short deadline. last year, you played preludio, from bach’s partita for violin no. 3. this year, though, the catch was weird.

“the letter says it’s a violin duet?” you said to jirou while video calling her. “i don’t have a violinist on hand, just a pianist. it’s not like bakugou can suddenly master violin.”

jirou looked at you with a surprised expression. “you don’t know?”

you stared back at her. “know what?”

“he plays violin, too.”

“huh?” you must’ve misheard her.

she nodded. “he’s pretty good, too. have you not seen the videos?”

“videos?" your eyes widened as you soon realized the implications of bakugou harbouring an aptitude for violin. "i’ve… i’ve got to go.”

“he’s as good as you, y/n,” jirou said with a knowing smile. you were quick to press the hang up button.

five seconds into teenage bakugou’s rendition of one of paganini’s caprices, you exited youtube.

the next day, you kicked open the door to the practice room.

“you,” you pointed a finger at bakugou, who sat at the piano midway through a piece.

“what is it now, dumbass? you’re late again.”

“shut up,” you grumbled. “that’s beside the point. you- you play violin?!”

he shrugged, not avoiding your piercing gaze. “i’ve dabbled in it, yes.”

you shut the door behind you. “and why did you never tell me?!”

“tch. you never asked, did you?”

“you’re my accompanist, i should know these things!”

“you know i play piano, and that’s enough,” bakugou said stubbornly. “i only play piano with you.”

“not anymore.” setting your violin case down, you shuffled through the pocket that held your sheet music. flipping out a packet of sheet music, you thrust it in bakugou’s direction. “here.”

he grabbed the sheets from you, skimming the title. “duo for two violins in…. fuck,” he muttered. “why didn’t you just say no? who even is this from?”

“valentine’s recital. the pay’s good, bakugou, and we need it.”

“you need it,” he mumbled bitterly, holding the sheets out for you. “i don’t.”

“it’s not like i’m happy about it either. since when were you a violinist?”

“since when was it any of your damn business?”

"you're supposed to be my pianist! not anything else!"

you didn’t understand how he could be so musically inclined. you blinked, and your sight smeared, blurring the sight of your feet with the laminate flooring. this wasn't right, you thought as you felt a telltale heat creeping up you. why were you crying now?

if there was one thing you prided yourself on, it was your violin playing. it seemed to be the only thing you were good at as a child when academics and athletics failed you. sure, you hated it at first (as most children did when their parents forced them to do something), but as time went on, the applause of the audience and the title of "winner" rewarded you enough. you were no prodigy, so you worked endlessly every day to prove yourself worthy. you never understood how you'd worked so hard only to be in the shadows of others so naturally gifted who surely would never understand how much you practiced to become better.

when it came to bakugou, he was never supposed to be better. he was your pianist, talented in a completely different musical realm than your own, so he could never be superior to you - and now he wasn't. he never was. here you were for the past year or so, looking like a fool in bakugou's eyes. on the days you struggled so hard with fourth finger vibrato, he was probably laughing at your inadequacy at violin. as easily as he played the violin, katsuki bakugou played you like a fool.

everything collided when you stepped out of the room, leaving a particular golden haired boy alone to stare at the sheet music you tossed him. your head throbbed with the groggy sensation of almost-tears and anger coursed through your veins.

you couldn't back out of the recital now. you couldn't.

you couldn't stand to look back into the vermillion eyes of katsuki bakugou now. even more so now, you couldn't.

your solution?

"hey, what's up?" jirou's collected voice filled your ear, your phone pressed to it.

"hey, kyo, i… kind of did a bad thing," you said, feeling jittery as you sought a commute home. you'd already made up your mind that your sorry-ass wouldn't be able to look bakugou back in the face for the rest of the day.

"...again?" she asked, tone concealing a hint of surprise. "don't tell me it was with bakugou. don't you usually practice now?"

"...usually, yes…" you sheepishly shuffled your feet, standing outside on the sidewalk. "i'll be resuming it again, 'course, when i get home…"

"why aren't you with bakugou right now?"

"that's… that's a long story," you laughed nervously.

"i can wait," jirou coolly replied. "kaminari got his foot stuck in his guitar case - don't ask - so i have time."

you considered asking about kaminari, then thought better of it.

"you know about the valentine's day recital they have every year? well, this year…" you recounted the events that led you to now, standing outside on the phone with jirou.

"where are you going to find a violinist?"

a silence found itself opportune as jirou waited for an answer. "i'm, uh, not…?" you said, deflecting the question back to jirou.

"well, you can't play both parts in the duet, can you? actually, don't answer that. i know you'd try. didn't you try that one time in-"

"what's done in uni stays in uni," you hushed her before she could recall that one time you tried to play a sonata with a recording of yourself. "aren't you going to tell me to try to make amends with bakugou?"

"no," she said thoughtfully after a pause. "you've tried before, and it's not working for you. i don't think you should be forced to do something you obviously don't want to do. i just think," she continued, "you need to find someone to do the duet with, if you don't want to work with bakugou. but objectively, he's your best bet."

as jirou always was, she was right. you thanked her for her advice not before hearing a distraught kaminari shouting for jirou in the background, and then she ended the call.

you repeated her words in your head once you got home, sliding your bow back and forth on your small block of worn rosin. the score for the duet was spread next to you on the floor. it wasn't that you didn't want to work with bakugou. or was it? had you been that selfish all along, sabotaging other performances because you didn't like him? if even jirou had noticed it, had bakugou noticed it too?

your sigh let out a thousand burdens piled up in your mind, blowing air out like dust accumulating on your tribulations. you picked up your violin and bow thoughtlessly, testing out the strings and plucking a couple with your left hand.

was it really only you with the contempt for working with bakugou? you'd assumed mutual hatred with him after your international debut, but had it really been so? had you been the only one picking fights during the time you'd worked together? as you backtracked, your fingers slipped into a familiar position. you began a piece you knew positively by heart, an absolute favorite of yours for years. you played mindlessly, serenading yourself with familiar notes and string fingerings as you thought long and hard about bakugou. how much shit had you given bakugou? he hardly complained, too, but why? why hadn't he quit after you'd been so ceaselessly difficult with him?

why were you so angry at bakugou, a gifted prodigy since childhood? the answer found itself as the composition descended into an array of complicated fingerings and string changes, sounding like an incoherent chaos somehow strung together by the music. you pretended you didn't know the answer.

it was much, much easier to leave bakugou as just a pianist. respectable in his own field, and incomparable to you. it was too good to be true, obviously. all your life, you played to win, and couldn't allow anyone else to surpass you. violin was about winning, winning, winning. how were you supposed to cope when all those hours of practice were easily overcome by someone with innate talent?

the piece eased your tension with a fermata, drawing out your vibrato to think. bakugou's perfection infuriated you, you concluded. knowing this, though, didn't help with anything. you almost screeched the last note as the composition came to an end, unsettled by thoughts of bakugou. you really couldn't stand him.

in an attempt to distract yourself from your dilemma, you decided to start practicing the recital composition. you pulled out an old portable music stand, bending the parts into place and stacking it up. carefully, you placed the sheets on the stand and skimmed over the music, bringing your violin up to your collarbone.

your eyes followed one measure ahead of what you were playing as you sight-read the piece. ahead, ahead, was all you could think as your fingers fumbled the notes, eyes moving from the score to the fingerboard. bakugou was far from your mind as you caught up to the music, too preoccupied with the sharps and flats you'd forgotten and the time you had to keep. you were busied by the shifts and the repeat signs in the music over anything else. your priority lay here for the time being, after all. the sight-reading was almost enough to make you forget you only play one half to a duet. there was still still an emptiness that lurked between the rests and the redundant beats that even your stilted practice couldn't mask. you tried not to worry about that, though.

time floated by as you repeated the piece over and over, playing for accuracy first. it wasn't enough, but you pretended it was. the metronome on your phone ticked away like time, endless and impatient, until you couldn't stand it anymore and packed away your violin.

the proceeding day was filled with more of the same practicing, working on tweaking hesitations and polishing up your playing. it was kind of convenient, practicing at home rather than waking up early to practice with bakugou. you missed the bagel the most.

you were definitely not playing your best, and it was clear by the way your bow occasionally screeched and how you fumbled the fingerings when you were particularly negligent. the piece just didn't sound right without the second part. (bakugou was definitely not the second part missing. not at all.)

by the third day you gave up and admitted to yourself that yes, bakugou was the second part missing. you were only a little bit miserable buying your usual bagel and coffee and rushing to rehearsals fifteen minutes late, aware that you'd be unable to eat it before practice. you were substantially less miserable than how you were the day previous, practicing alone.

you weren't surprised to see bakugou already there, sitting on the piano bench and tightening his bow hairs. he acknowledged you with a grunt as you set down your breakfast and beverage.

"showed up, huh?" he said finally, voice rough. he stood up, setting his sheet music on a stand. you stared at him, awed by his nonchalance. he picked up his violin and bow (which, by the way, looked super expensive) and propped his violin up by his chin. it felt so foreign to see him in position to play violin, fingers already expertly in first position and wrist beautifully curved, yet it inexplicably clicked. the scene in front of you looked like he'd done this everyday, as it was always supposed to have been, his back confidently straight. his fingers arched over the fingerboard and his bow appeared mathematically parallel to the bridge, held delicately between his fingers. you'd never carefully watched him play piano (probably due to your distaste to him and lack of knowledge about the percussion instrument), but he made the violin look like an instrument of the gods. he hesitated, though, bow moving a centimeter then back. he frowned at your idle silence and turned back to you. "well? are we doing this duet or not?"

"oh," you reacted intelligently. "yeah. yeah." it kicked in what you were doing by the time you'd started tuning your violin, first bowing your a string. after tuning your violin (with the help of a tuning fork and none from the perfect-pitched bastard bakugou, who appeared to be watching you with a triumphant gleam in his eyes as you struggled to tune your violin properly), you set your sheet music next to bakugou's.

"ready?" you asked, as if you'd been the one waiting for bakugou all this time.

"ask yourself that," he snorted. "i'll do the count."

you nodded.

"one, two, three, f-"

"wait, wait," you said, squinting at your music. "isn't it supposed to be a bit slower than that?"

"it says allegro," bakugou said, tapping his foot. "need an italian lesson? lively, briskly."

"i know what allegro means," you gritted. "seems too fast, when paired with dolce."

"maybe for you," he smirked.

you narrowed your eyes at him. "and that means what, exactly?"

he opened his mouth to reply some smug, smart-ass answer, but you stopped him.

"nevermind," you said. "do the count again, at the same tempo. i can do it."

you were bluffing, of course. since when was allegro this fast? you wondered as the opening notes sped by you in a musical blur. already familiar with the melody, you messed up dynamics the most. of crescendos and diminuendos? it wasn't like bakugou would notice, too preoccupied with his part.

the ending of the piece took your breath away, storming toward you in a whirlwind. adrenaline filled your veins as you raced to the last measure of the music, overcome by the tempo and the music. this time, full of energy and exhilaration, the piece felt complete. your and bakugou's sound surrounded the two of you, overflowing the room with a saccharine melody. it felt right simply standing beside him playing a two part piece, chest heaving from the piece's energy. you could only hear your breathing, a gentle encore to your playing.

"your playing is sloppy," bakugou said bluntly. he leaned over to your sheet music, starting to point at dynamic markings.

you swatted his hand away before he could say a word. "yeah, well, i just got the music three days ago," you interjected.

"you also had two of the three days off, so i'd say you're not doing enough." he glanced back down at your score. he pointed at a measure. "this is a crescendo, moron, why didn't you get much louder?"

"just- pay attention to your own music!" you said. "besides, it's dolce. i can get away with playing softer."

"that wasn't very dolce to me," he argued. "nothing sweet, soft, or gentle about that," he mumbled.

"i can be sweet, soft, and gentle if i want to!" you retorted.

he raised a brow, as if a challenge, scarlet eyes glinting in the light. "tch. i'm sure you can, but your playing damn can't."

“it can, too! listen,” you said, impetuously raising your violin and bow again. you slowly started to play a d major scale, impatiently scrunching your nose and squeezing your eyes shut to concentrate on making the music soft and gentle, tampering with different degrees of vibrato and bow pressure.

“... that’s just piano,” bakugou said, moving to you as you bowed an a. your bow came to an abrupt halt, making an unpleasant squeal, as bakugou positioned himself behind you. you felt his body warmth radiating behind you as a sweet, homely scent wafted around you. he brought his arms around you, hands overlapping where you held your violin and bow.

“you need to be,” he murmured into your ear, gentle tone almost slurring the words together, "fragile when you play dolce." he angled your bow slightly, moving your hand. "bow closer to the fingerboard." the smooth baritone of his voice resonated within you, becoming lost within the violinist's embrace.

"most of all," he said, dropping an octave to an intimate tone, "you need to feel it. you can attempt to play it, but without feeling, it's fuckin’ meaningless."

"feeling?" you repeated blankly. “the audience’s, you mean.”

he stepped away, a gesture that made you breathless, and shook his head. he crossed his arms over his chest, unintentionally accentuating their volume. “your damn feelings. what do you feel when playing the piece?”

there’s a pause for perhaps a second too long, as you mulled over different answers in your head.

“tch.” his eyes don’t leave you, gaze a laser burning into you. “‘s what i thought. why do you play violin?”

you held your tongue from answering my parents. “to win. i play to win,” you stated.

“and that’s the damn problem,” bakugou said, releasing a breath of frustrated air. “you win to play.”

“that means…?” you were starting to get impatient with the man, who seemed to be stalling and dragging out your limited time.

“you win competitions to play more.”

you almost scoffed, but his words were plausible. “what’s the purpose in playing more if not to win?”

he made a scratching noise in his throat, cool demeanor shifting to that of the bakugou you knew. “l-l-” he coughed, “love.”

“love?” you repeated, the word a surprise to swallow.

he nodded, gagging on his reply. you couldn’t see bakugou as the romantic type - the same bakugou who called all of his friends demeaning nicknames and could barely say the word love out loud. he was explosive, maybe, and talented, sure - but acquainted with love? you pursed your lips at the stuttering man trying to advise you.

“whatever,” he dismissed, voice oddly hoarse. “just play it from the top. fix the dynamics.”

weeks passed in a blur, though bakugou’s advice was left unforgotten. it had, for the most part, faded from your mind but lingered like a ghost in an abandoned attic, stirring up dust in complete silence. it was valid criticism on bakugou’s part, but the problem was that it was criticism you couldn’t digest. it was a ghost that you could not rid of, whispering and lurking until your music played over it.

four weeks before the performance, you had the piece almost entirely memorized other than a few flukes here and there. you managed most of your dynamics, playing in sync with bakugou by your side. three weeks and the piece was mostly smooth, foregoing all sheet music and practicing in the middle of the room with bakugou tapping out the tempo on the honeyed floor. any mistakes were recovered from quickly, and you were pleased to say that the amount of bakugou’s slip-ups equated to yours. at two weeks, though, he brought up the pest bugging your mind.

“play with more emotion,” he sighed exasperatedly, letting out a huff as you played for him. “start on f sharp again.”

you’d tried time and time again, but the longer you’d replayed the same few measures (followed by his criticism for the nth time), the only emotion you felt was frustration. your bow would push too hard or your vibrato would lay on thick, immensely irritating bakugou. you didn’t know why he even tried.

the air felt stale and the lights shone obnoxiously bright. the pads of your left hand fingers had hardened by now, indented with a pair of parallel lines from your unforgiving violin strings. you inhaled rosin dust and occasional bow hairs miserably dropped to the floor. your arms were tired, sore, and sick of playing; your ears painfully endured the same tune again and again, the originally fluid and sweet notes becoming high frequency static.

“i can’t do this.” you were tempted to flop onto the ground, hopelessness pouring over you.

“you can,” bakugou insisted stubbornly. “you just need to try harder.”

“harder?” you would’ve snapped (and you were surprised your e string didn’t already by the repetitive motions on it) if you weren’t so exhausted from rehearsing.

he nodded like it was obvious. “try harder.”

you shakily inhaled, trying to smooth your voice over. “i’m sorry i can’t be a prodigy like you.”

he stiffened, tense to the point of trembling. “whatever,” and it was a strained word pulled from his mouth. it was very atypical for him to give up like this, but you didn't care. you avoided his eyes as you restarted the piece, unable to bloom anything from it.

outside of your rehearsal time, you practiced. arguably, your solo rehearsals were more rigorous. you forced yourself to add emotion to the piece, sometimes playing for jirou. she agreed with bakugou (though was a great deal less irritating), stating that your playing was somewhat hollow. (you restrained yourself from knocking on the instrument and saying that yes, indeed, violins were hollow.)

"how… how do you get any emotions from playing?" you asked jirou at one point, watching one of her band's rehearsals. they were on a break, chatting idly and taking sips from their water bottles.

“well…” jirou started, glancing back at her band members. “i think about the feelings i want the audience to feel because of my songs. i think about how the song makes me feel, then i put that into how i play.”

“how do you…” you shifted uncomfortably, “know what to feel?”

she looked at you, taken aback, but replied easily. “you don’t. it just… happens.”

her response was vastly different than what you’d been taught a child. emotions? sure, there was perhaps a time where playing evoked a feeling in you, plucked something melodical from your heartstrings. it was when you were a child, though, so it was irrational and erratic, an outburst in the middle of your otherwise level playing. your violin teacher didn’t approve when you’d follow how the music made you feel. she said it made you stray too far from the original piece and would make you lose competitions. no matter how you pushed back against her, her advice haunted you over and over every time you got anything other than first place.

your performance is the audience, she’d told you. you didn’t understand what she meant at first, but she made sure you did while practicing for your next rehearsals. the audience, she quipped with thin lips under her sharp eyes, is everything. if the audience wasn’t satisfied, your performance was worthless, no matter how well you played technically. you play for them and you win - it was that plain. there was nothing more than you wanted but to win, at the time. you wanted a trophy, a medal, a certificate stating that you were better than most. it was palpable evidence that you were good enough - for your parents, your peers, anyone. like that, you practiced, a servant for approval. you weren’t a prodigy, but you sure as hell would try to play like one. her advice worked for over a decade, soundly racking you up with countless awards that filled your otherwise desolate self-esteem.

you didn’t say anything else to jirou about it, instead thinking about the bits and pieces of human feeling you could extract in between your piece’s accidentals and eighth notes. perhaps there was a possibility, through the phrases of notes and dynamic markings, you’d find a word that said love. a renewed interest sparked itself when jirou’s band continued their rehearsals, finding yourself to be a normal audience member (maybe even crying at the end. maybe).

you returned home to practice, practice, practice, coercing any hidden message in the music to vibrate in your violin and echo around your room. you watched other renditions of the piece to find something you were missing, but imitating them didn’t seem right. this continued for the following weeks, hiding any potential development from bakugou (or trying to, at least). you knew you’d be disappointing him if you failed after trying so hard. it was only safe to play what you knew, secure in the written parts of the composition and keeping it at that.

by the time the performance came around, you were glad bakugou never found out about your secret efforts. if he had, you knew he’d be sorely dispirited by your lack of tangible progress, your sound just as hollow as the soundbox of your violin. you failed, you knew, and as crestfallen as you were on that cold february morning, the show must go on.

the performances were held in an auditorium, warm compared to the snowy wonderland outside. it was typically couples comprising the audience, all romantic and pepped up in the spirit of valentine's day (white day was no different). some arrived early, finding seats in the empty auditorium and chatting amongst themselves (or sometimes making out, which made you want to throw your violin at them and gag). bakugou’s and your performance was last; it quite the heavy honor to play the finale to the recital.

backstage was a vast contrast to the hushed atmosphere settled over the assemblage. hovering over the staff and performers for the day was a sense of panic, hurry, and hecticness. bits of rosin were scattered on the ground where you prepared for your rehearsal, some belonging to your block and others not. your pack of extra strings lay next to you on the sofa you sat on, arm resting on the side of the seat. similar to your violin's strings, spun tightly over pegs to be kept in place, you felt high-strung. the buzz of energetic excitement flitted in your head, knee bumping up and down and jerking your violin in the same motion. it was hard to calm when you tuned your violin to absolute perfection, relying on bakugou's perfect pitch to do so. the fine tuners on the end of your strings probably hadn't had a harder time in the years you'd owned your violin.

"you're shaking the entire sofa, idiot," bakugou deadpanned next to you. “some of us are trying to rosin our bow, unlike you.” he glanced at the floor, where amber shards of rosin lay amidst white dust (also made of rosin).

“to be fair, most of those aren’t mine,” you pointed out. you reached into your violin case, finding the rectangular case of rosin and opening the top. "mine's only chipped in a couple corners, and the rest is just worn on the edges from my bow."

you leaned over to look at bakugou's rosin, two stubs in its case. "and i'm the one dropping my rosin?"

his ears turned a deep red, matching the velvet curtains on stage. "that's different," he muttered, putting the lid on his rosin and putting it away.

"you ready?" you watched him swallow before speaking, not looking at you. you could hear one of the presenters speaking, introducing the first piece to be played (an ever-so romantic rendition of clair de lune), but the voices felt distant and muffled over the sound of your own nervous heart beating.

"yeah," he replied. he turned to look at you, scarlet eyes meeting your own. "what, you're not scared now, are you, dumbass?"

you gulped. "no… just excited," you said. in truth, you felt disappointed in yourself for being unable to find any emotion in your playing - thinking about the piece, you were devoid of anything but the measures and the notes. what was the piece trying to say in the white space between staff lines? after the clef at the beginning of the music, where did the emotions start and everything else end?

quiet notes, twinkling from the piano on stage, met your ears. you took a deep breath. how did they make you feel?

…not very good, because this pianist was certainly a beat or two off tempo. a large hand on your knee startled you out of your trance. its warmth was surprisingly comforting. you followed the arm connecting to the hand to meet bakugou's concentrated face, eyebrows furrowed and nose scrunched.

"don't shake your knee like that. also, why are you so damn cold?" he moved his hand away, leaving an imprint of heat on your knee. you hadn't noticed the physical manifestation of your nerves prior to bakugou's words.

you left his question unanswered, staring at your violin in your lap. you traced the patterns in wood, fingers following the shape of the f-hole and thumbing circles on your chin rest. how were you supposed to be able to pull living, breathing life in the form of emotions from an inanimate object? what sorcery were you supposed to manage to satisfy yourself and the audience?

you thought back to bakugou's words. what was it had he said you were supposed to be playing for? love, the irrational and sentimental flaw of life - somehow expressed from the symbols on a sheet of paper and through strings on hollow wood. what sort of miracle was bakugou creating with his music?

what was violin, if not just a task to do everyday? what was it, out of competitions and tests of skill? what was the sound reverberating within its vacant body, recording every shift of fingers on the fingerboard?

you looked past your violin to the rosin on the floor. friction, your violin teacher had explained to you. you put rosin on your bow so it creates friction with the strings, and thus creates sound. it was strange how friction caused the smooth sound of a violin. too much friction, added by pressure on the bow, made a creaky sound on the strings. without rosin, the bow would be too smooth on the string and make no noise at all. the happy medium of not too much and not too little created the familiar rich tone on the strings.

a happy medium, you mused. in between too much friction and none at all. maybe that was how you were supposed to feel, in between trying too hard and not trying at all. that's what feelings were in the end, right? a natural human instinct, spurred by life. could you breathe life into the music?

the stage seemed almost too big for the two of you, spotlights centering you on the wide, wooden platform. the crowd's eyes were on you and your fellow violinist, some watching with drooping eyelids. they felt far, distant under the shadows. even so, the question still besieged you - would you please them?

you teared your eyes away to bakugou, who started the count. everything was silent until he nodded to you, your cue to start the piece. it felt too fast when you began but it was the same allegro you’d been practicing with. muscle memory took control now, your fingers finding their places easily.

your fingers and bow took all your attention. everything else fell away - the lights, the crowd, the stage - until it was just you, your violin, and the music. you could practically see the score in your head, playing the notes you'd come to know so well.

you heard your music echo and resound off the walls, but that's all it seemed to do. it touched everyone in the room, looking for a place to stay, and diminished in an empty space alone. it frustrated you that it wouldn't resonate - where was the love bakugou had so told you of? this auditorium was no different than your room, where sounds bounced off walls and landed nowhere. you weren't reaching anywhere or anyone, lacking emotion and any true substance.

love - what was love if not a hindrance? how could bakugou expect so much out of you? love - had you ever felt it for the violin? dolce told you to play sweetly, softly, and gently, but what was sweet about the violin? what was so sweet about the imprints of strings on your fingers, fragmented rosin at your feet, and bruises on your neck from long hours of practice? what was gentle about the arduous replaying of the same measure, the ringing in your ears after playing to master a simple phrase? what was soft about the forte that rang in your head, the fortissimo that filled a performance and clouded your senses?

dolce filled you like an epiphany, euphoric in your eyes that finally opened and awakened. dolce was in bakugou's eyes, soft velvet like the crimson curtains onstage, downcast at his violin. dolce was in his sound as his bow skittered near the fingerboard, in his fingers sliding back and forth on his a string. dolce was in his grasp of his bow and violin, in the very essence he played the violin with. dolce contradicted everything you knew, reminding you of bakugou's soft hands over yours, guiding your fingers and bow. dolce was the morning light streaming into the practice room as you argued with bakugou over tempos and notes, the light glinting on shattered shards of rosin as you anxiously rosined your bow. dolce was the curve of your violin scroll, the bend of your fingers over your bow's frog. dolce was the white space in between staff lines on your sheet music and through half and whole notes. dolce was everything in between the rough of your violin experience, the laughter and smiling gone forgotten during sleepless practice sessions and violin evaluations.

what was dolce, if not a rebellion? what was it, if not a rebellion from the years of work and pain you'd endured in the name of musicality? what was it, if not laughing in the face of your violin instructors and the strict score you adhered to?

when you opened your eyes to meet bakugou's, whose carmine eyes dripped with a burning passion and the essence of souls, you finally felt. it was the so-sought over love, scorching every note and stroke of your bow and bursting life in every movement, breath, and echo of your performance. it was exhilarating, living through every slur and chord you played. when you finally met his eyes he understood, a satisfied smile tugging on his lips as his gaze never left yours. this was it - this was dolce, humming sweetly, softly, and gently in your ears and reflecting in the audience's heart. this was dolce, making you realize that you never wanted to play violin alone again.

you picked up a rose that had landed at your feet at the end of your piece, holding it next to bakugou's confused face. in doing so, you reached your second epiphany of the day - perhaps the more important of the two. bakugou's eyes bloomed redder than the rose, deeper than the lowest note on a double bass, and maybe it was he that was the true dolce you were looking for.

notes!!

if you’re reading this, congrats !! this is my longest fic on my account (the record will be broken soon), so i really appreciate you reading this :> (spare a reblog, perhaps?)

first, explaining the playlist:

beethoven’s kreutzer - this was played in the anime, “your lie in april,” and i simply think it fits the “fight” reader and bakugou have. this was played at reader’s first international recital that did not go so well.

kreisler’s liebesfreud (love’s joy) is in the same series as his piece called liebesleid (love’s sorrow), also featured in “your lie in april.” i personally really like the piece. of all of these listed, i think you should listen to this one the most.

beriot’s duo concertante was the other contender for reader and bakugou’s duet piece!

debussy’s clair de lune is simply a favorite of mine. it’s the first piece played at the valentine’s performance (and i like to imagine reader’s listened to bakugou’s recording of the piece)

spohr’s duo for 2 violins is the piece reader and bakugou play! it’s the second part of the duo in allegro, and i once tried to listen to it while following the sheet music. i was so confused every time i did so; i’d get lost and such, and figured my musicality was declining. nope. i was reading the wrong part. so, i started freaking out because oh god the dolce is in the first part, not the second, and thankfully, there’s a bit of dolce in the second part too! however, it did take me a while to decide whether to use the first part instead.

also, spohr invented the chinrest on the violin! crazy :D

paginini’s 24th caprice is considered the hardest out of all 24 caprices. imagine,,, teenage bakugou playing this,,, doing the left hand pizz and all T^T pain

there’s a lot i wish i could cover in this! a lot of reader’s own flaws (ahem, viola jokes) and development were something i couldn’t cover. bakugou’s arc as well! he had an arc a bit before this story takes place :)) tl;dr i’m very tempted to pick my violin up again and start playing

the frog of the bow does not, sadly, go ribbit. it’s the part violinists hold the bow by!

thank you for reading! i hope you enjoyed this :)

#bakugou x reader #bnha x reader #bakugou fluff #bnha fluff #katsuki bakugou x reader #bnha x gender neutral reader #bakugou angst #bnha angst #luna's writing #violinist bakugou

192 notes · View notes

egelantier · 4 years ago

Text

Tian Guan Ci Fu

where is it and what is it

it’s a chinese webnovel by mxtx, the same author who did untamed; it exists as a webnovel, finished and kindly translated here, the manhwa, the donghua (animated adaptation) happening right now, and there’s a live action adaptation in plans, directed by the same guy who did untamed. the donghua is gorgeous, the adaptation i’m unsure about but prepared to be hopeful, the manhwa seems to be very pretty. but all the adaptations only cover the very beginning of the novel for now, so i went ahead and read the novel, and i have no regrets. it helps that the translation is very good - not without awkward translatorese, but it has consistent and engaging flow and style, and it’s also pretty good at conveying mxtx’s humor without awkwardness. it reads pretty well.

what’s it about?

the world is split into two parts: mortals and various ghosts and demons and entities share the land, while ‘heaven officials’, aka gods, live in the heavenly kingdom in the sky. pretty much anybody can become a god if they do something really heroic or memorable and/or cultivate (meditation, training, virtuous behavior) really hard. when above, the gods rule their domains and fulfill their believers’ wishes; they work sort of like pratchettian gods, dependent on their followers’ beliefs and getting influenced by them. heavens are strictly hierarchical, with their own economy and pecking order, and the gods aren’t particularly sinless or benevolent; mostly it’s a question of scale.

our hero, xie lian, is a prince of a prosperous kingdom who’s been on a fast track to ascension for most of his very short life; he’s talented, he’s virtuous, he’s kind, he’s strong, and his only peculiar flaw is (somehow naive, but well-meaning) obsession with equality and value of human lives and so on. he becomes a god, unexpectedly, at seventeen, after slaying one especially dangerous god, and rises in heaven at the peak of his faith, influence and happiness.

…and then he finds out about drought and incipient trouble in his own kingdom, and, being a young and righteous god too close to his mortality, eschews heavens and returns to save everybody. it, to put it lightly, does not go well. at all. in fact, it goes catastrophically wrong, and, having lost everything, xie lian ascends again, only to get into a fight with the heavenly emperor, and get banished again, this time for good. he roams the mortal lands for next eight hundred of very lonely, luckless and hard years, technically immortal but not invincible, with his powers and his luck stripped away, and leans to make do, eking out a living as a scrap collector. his temples are desecrated, his name is forgotten, his kingdom is long gone, and - well. so it goes.

so it goes! until one day, to everybody’s great surprise, he ascends once again: a humble, gentle, immune to embarrassment, unflappable man, an embarrassment to heavens, a 'laughingstock of three realms’ who just wants to be left well enough alone. he’s Tired.

instead of rest, he gets sent to investigate a dangerous ghost stealing brides who pass through its mountain, and there, during the course of the interrogation, has his first (he thinks) meeting with a terrifying, old-powerful and vengeful ghost king named hua cheng, who likes to terrorize heavens from time to time. but said ghost king seems to be very benevolent and very interested in helping xie lian, and xie lian is pretty instantly smitten… with knowing what’s the cause of such interest.

…and meanwhile, in the beginning, there'was an unlucky boy, born under the worst stars, whom xie lian saved from falling once, while still mortal, and promptly lost track of. a lot of things happened to this boy, who wanted to be the most devoted worshipper to xie lian the god of the sword and the flower. as one does, you know.

that’s the beginning! from there on: investigations, heavenly secrets, old friends and enemies and acquaintances, thematic parallels, old tragedies, more pining than you can shake a stick at, grand acts of love.

is it good?

it’s very, very good. it’s the first fantasy cnovel i read (aside from the hilarious one about a guy traveling back in his own timeline and becoming a sugar baby to a mafia boss, which was in a very different league), so i don’t know which things are baseline and which things are unique, but it had a very solid foundation: ambitious multilevel, multi-timeline plot coming together in the end both events- and emotions-wise, beautifully iddy main relationship, maybe multifaceted characters who change and grow and clash together in fun ways, a clear and heartfelt understanding of its own core themes.

it’s also, unexpectedly, very funny, in this visual, slapsticky, begs-to-be-adapted way - i found myself laughing out loud over it a lot of times, and it possesses this gift of swerve between understated but earnest emotions and all-out jokes that i associate with… a bit of prattchett and a bit of gintama, honestly. take it as you will.

(oh my god the mecha. i will laugh over this one until i die.)

it also made me cry several times; granted, it’s not like it’s this time, but those were very heartfelt tears.

and the main duo?

first let me say that xie lian was lifted out, wholesale, out of my deepest character preferences. he fell really, really far, and did some bad things, and some very horrible things were done to him, and by the time we meet him he went through everything and achieved this effortless kind of traumatized, humble, accepting, wryly self-deprecating, utterly competent chill that makes a character incredibly appealing to me. he’s kind, and he’s sweet, and he’s gotten any possible embarrassment at least a couple of centuries ago, and he kinda made peace with himself and kinda didn’t. i love him.

and, thankfully for me, hua cheng, the ghost king, loves him a whole damn lot, a ridiculous amount, an epic, over-the-lifetimes, life-shattering amount, and he’s a terrifying presence to everybody else and a shy, protective, sweet dork to xie lian, and every time they’re together on page my entire heart is just. it’s AMAZING. he’s a great combination of playing the obsessive protective yandere stalker-lover trope straight and putting it on its head, by making hua cheng not just revere but respect xie lian, in all his good and bad decisions.

they are just so - good for each other, holy shit. they get each other so well. they’re the best ever power team. i love them.

(the rest of canon is various character reenacting “really? in front of my salad?” meme at them. it’s hysterical, and it’s the best. everybody teams up to tell xie lian that his boyfriend is Problematic way, way before xie lian clues into the fact that he does have a boyfriend, and he’s having none of it. i love it.)

and the themes?

okay, so. roughly half of this novel is ridiculous iddy pining, and a fourth of it is various tropes (off the top of my head: soulbond, sex pollen, body switch, de-age, various shades of identity porn… crossdressing…) played very shamelessly. but it also really benefits from having an overarching set of ethical questions, and while it deals with them a bit shounen-style, it still deals with them, and it makes the whole text fresh, and sweet, and bold.

is it possible to save everybody? should you try to save everybody? if you lack the powers to back your convictions, does it make you complicit? when is it possible to stop the cycle of suffering, what can you do if you want to but can’t? if you tried and people you failed turned on you, whose fault it is, where does the blame stop?

Detailed spoilers begin from here, and i would REALLY advise to stay unspoiled, because the domino reveals are very fun

i loved the various ways the novel sets all those pieces up and then overturns them and then returns to them. xie lian wanted to save everybody and it was arrogant naivete of an untried, untested, privileged young man who never had a real challenge before; his presence made things escalate quicker, and yet everybody around him pretended it was his attempt to make things better that ruined everything, and not a combination of factors outside of his control. and yet he accepts the blame, because it dovetails with his shame at not having enough powers to back his intent up; and yet his triumph over bai wuxian is that he doesn’t, after all, renege on his initial drive to help people.

my most favorite part of this novel is that its turning point, the lynchpin of the whole novel, the moment that keeps xie lian’s soul and safety intact, is not his personal purity and drive; it’s not even hua cheng’s devotion and sacrificial love. it’s just a moment of little, grudging, human kindness from a little, petty, rude man whom the history will sweep away soon. the bamboo hat in the rain. the rest of the plot keeps twisting and turning and coming back to itself, but this? this was unquestionably, beautifully clear, and i loved it. it’s never about the gods, it’s all down to - fallen human is human, ascended human is human, and human is not some state, virtuous or sinful, you get stuck with - it’s a multitude of choices, and there’s never a final one.

and incoherent spoilery screaming for people who read it already

oh my god i had SO MUCH FUN. i’ve been flailing on meme for days, because somebody just finished reading there too, and i’m still bursting with ALL THE FEELS. ruoye origins oh my god! that hat! jin wu’s backstory and ultimate end! e-ming’s praise kink! pei ming’s little shippery 'hoho’! hua cheng’s horribly handwritten stick and poke tattoo of xie lian’s name! the lanteeeeeeeeeeeeerns. feng xin and mu qing on the bridge, making up with each other and with xie lian! hua cheng trying to explain to xie lian that his habit of using himself as bait and pincushion at any given moment is deeply emotionally upsetting to him, and succeeding! banyue’s learning from xie lian to be a truly horrible cook! the entire deal with shi qingxuan and he xuan and the wind fan in the end. THE CAVE. THE GIANT MECHA. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa and aaaaaaaaaaaaa and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa and i am beset, beset by feelings. come scream with me.

#tgcf #tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing #xie lian #hua cheng #cdramas #cnovels #mxtx

149 notes · View notes

smol-jinyoungie96 · 3 years ago

Text

The Devil Judge - Episode 8 (so many questions)

This episode has left me emotionally scarred and with far too many questions.

So many.

Something that made my heart hurt is that Kang Yohan didn’t take Ga On directly back to the car, he took him to an open space where he could let out all his pent up emotions and get it done and over with because once they go back and once the game actually starts, there won’t be any time for emotions.

“A system has no chance against power, power can control a system however it likes”

Meaning that, even though the system is established to keep the power even, ultimately the system itself can be manipulated by those in power in their favor and that is what Kang Yohan has seen all his life.

This time when Yohan opens up about his past, the reason why I think he might be telling the truth, or at least what’s relevant, is because of the pure hatred he had in his eyes when he spoke,

Minister Cha, who is the reason why Elijah is confined to the wheelchair, says “I thought so much of my poor boy, who I’d never said a kind word to”

She worries for her son, which as a mother, obviously makes sense. But she didn’t think twice before crushing a little girl to make it out alive and never even bothers to check up on her to see if she survived.

The President says “We share an experience. We know very well how you feel. Why wouldn’t we? We were in the same boat. In the same fire”

True they were in the same fire but they don’t share the same experience. They made it out alive while Kang Yohan lost his brother and left his niece crippled.

“The rest of us must continue his legacy, the property he donated”

They didn’t come to the hospital to mourn his loss with him. They were there to assure him that they would put the money to good use. Because the fear that he would cancel the donations was already there and then a second later, they go on talking about the weather being lovely for a picnic.

None of them were affected while Kang Yohan grew his hatred for them right there.

Kim Ga On’s attentiveness was really something in this episode. Even when he was freaking out about the swapped con artist he still noticed the small details,

1. interaction between the guard and Kang Yohan.

2. During the chant thing they did even though the shot makes it look like he was looking at Ga On, Bambi knows he was staring at someone behind him.

Initially it raises suspicion towards Kang Yohan to say if he changed the guy so he could break Ga On to a point where he has to rely on Yohan.

“To achieve his goal, would he not use another man’s pain”

Even through him being reduced to the point of essentially losing his mind, Kim Ga On still is wary of Yohan at the first half.

Jung Sun Ah becomes more and more devious and crazier every episode. In the last episode she says “we have Mr. Seo” indicating to the viewers that they can rely on him to get them out of the situation but when in reality,

It just meant that his part in her plan had already come to an end.

The public sees that guy as a well wisher for their country. If he dies and takes the blame for it, of course the public will sway.

But it also shows how the rich will wag their tail to whichever side has more of an advantage towards them.

But then Kang Yohan knows about the Public too. When Ga On suggests that they should release a statement denying the video and the allegations, Yohan cuts it off right there.

“This country shows generosity in death”

They will be made out to be the bad guys in the eyes of the public and it’s just instant game over.

The president’s speech during this episode was so similar to the one he gave in the first episode except this time, he is favoring Sun Ah because Kang Yohan isn’t on their side anymore.

Soo Hyun speaking facts!

“He took you there and presented it to you like a magic stick”

1. What is Kang Yohan’s intention?

2. Does Kang Yohan have ulterior motive behind taking Ga On there?

I saw a lot of people worried about Ga On saying “I’ll play along with Kang Yohan and find out more”

But there’s always two possibilities for this,

One being he will actually play along and dig for more information OR he only says it to her to keep her safe because knowingly or unknowingly, Ga On himself is in too deep in whatever plan Yohan has.

Jung Sun Ah showing up in Yohan’s office to flaunt her new position is also just a power play. It only to show him that she is in charge of the live show and that if needed, she is capable to putting the show on a leash.

Coming to Miss Oh Jin Joo

“I’m a judge in this country and a member of this live court show. If you’re going to do things like this hold the trial yourself”

Versus

“If you include me in the live court show, it would be my honor to just to be able to sit next to you”

What she started with and where she is now. Jin Joo and Ga On both started as naive associate judges but now they’ve both clearly grown into something more. The two of them are falling into two different notions of Justice.

But Kang Yohan sees too clearly through Oh Jin Joo’s change. He acknowledges her becoming ambitious as a judge and he most definitely knows where the change came from.

Little Ga On going “you are cutting off people right next to you” does he still not realize that Kang Yohan only has eyes on him?

Kang Yohan already succeeded in splitting up Minister Cha from her group of elites and even she is a little smarter than people give her credit for. She is on to Sun Ah and soon enough Yohan is going to have her where he exactly wants her.

Kang Yohan and Kim Ga On

Yohan is smart. He kept trying to give as little information to Ga On as he could because even though he broke Ga On, Bambi still didn’t choose a side.

Which brings me to the question that appeared in my head the most,

Why is Ga On so important to Yohan?

“Do you have to go this far?”t

“Whether we like it or not, I can’t let him stand behind my back”

“I need to have him on my side or to get rid of him”

Why is Ga On such a big risk factor to him? I understand that Ga On knows too much about Yohan and his plans now for Yohan to let him loose but why is it so important to him to have Bambi on his side?

Ga On saying “it’s my silly imagination” i really don’t think he’s talking about his “theory”. It felt more like a hint towards his broken trust on the law and justice.

Min Jung Ho saying “once a monster is unleashed, it doesn’t know when to stop”

Could it be foreshadowing? Because Ga On is clearly very close to losing it by the middle of the episode and he is still insisting on putting Ga On at a crossfire about betraying Yohan (though at this point I really don’t think it will end well for Ga On is he betrays Yohan)

Kang Yohan taking Ga On to meet his team essentially reveals that he did rig the cases in a certain way but the trials were genuine, which, to a person like Ga On, is more of a battle of morals.

Was it right to punish them by rigging it?

I think this is going to end with Oh Jin Joo and Jung Sun Ah vs. kang Yohan and Kim Ga On.

Kang Yohan and Jung Sun Ah are taking the two associate judges under their wing, both by emotional manipulation with two different intentions.

Sun Ah saying “someone needs to keep their eyes wide open” very similar to what Min Jung Ho said to Ga On in the very beginning.

Again,

WHY IS KIM GA ON SO IMPORTANT TO YOHAN?

“If I needed to, I would have done something even worse, whether it was switching him or something else. That is my method. It is not going to change in the future”

Felt more like a warning to Ga On for me. Once he’s on Yohan’s side there’s no getting out of it.

Lastly, Ga On talking with Min Jung Ho. This part was so interesting!

At first Ga On did everything his mentor asked him for and now he directly fires questions right back and he is finally blaming the authorities for not doing their jobs right.

Something that highlighted for me was Ga On saying “you should have done better” not “we”

He says it in past tense. He’s already given up on being faithful to the norms of justice.

Yohan knew that Ga On was going to meet Min Jung Ho, he picked him right away and!

Kim Ga On started with Min Jung Ho and this shot somehow made me think that they’re showing how,

he’s breaking away from Min Jung Ho,

to team up with Yohan.

Bambi chose his side.

But Ga On is not all about the revenge. Yet.

It felt like a deal between the two of them. Yohan helps him find out the truth about his parents and in return, Ga On stays with him.

There are still things that Ga On doesn’t know about Yohan but now that Yohan successfully broke him and took him under his wing, Ga On wouldn’t be able to leave even if he wanted to.

May be that’s why he is such a big risk factor. Ga On knows too much for Yohan to lose him now.

Every episode kills me more and more 😭

I can’t wait for the next episode!

But hey! Look at these two shots!

19 notes · View notes

life-rewritten · 4 years ago

Text

Start Up: Dalmi's Fantasy Dosan vs New Dosan

The title of episode 8: Back up, A copy created for when an original version gets lost.

The Husband hunting game is still on. And episode 7 and 8 of start-up continues to make the race equal between both guys, but again I still feel pulled to the side of Dosan more than Jipyeong. Here are more clues, symbols and analysis on these two episodes that explain more why Dosan is still in the lead but why he could make a mistake and lose it all. Dosan is still 80% endgame to me and here's why: warning long essay ahead. Check out my previous post on why Dosan has been ahead of the race and why the show hints he's the 'one' fated to be with Dalmi here. Let's begin with episode 7/8:

BACK UP

The title is obvious, right? We have two different people in Dalmi's heart, despite her not knowing it. One we have her fantasy Nam Do San: her first love, her helper and her ideal guy. Two we have her real/'new' Nam Do San: her helping hand, her partner, and the actual real version of her ideal guy. The original version in this definition points to Jipyeong. He's the guy who she unknowingly fell in love with as Dosan. But the copy is Nam Do San. Because in episode 7 she admits she likes them both, but she'll still choose Jipyeong's Do San; he's her first love, she finds her self caring and being grateful and indebted to him. The reason why Dalmi is so open and nosy with Jipyeong is because she felt indebted to him and grateful he was always helping her, and he didn't need to. She automatically started to care for him and show up around him. But instead of seeing this as proof that Jipyeong is her endgame, remember her last words; She's getting used to the new Nam Do San. Her feelings were being backed up/copied in two for two very different versions of Do San. She was being a bit hesitant in furthering their relationship because she noticed he was different; she didn't know how to feel about it, but she still liked him (his hands). However, by the end of episode 7, the girl was hooked and in love again. That's why she kissed him. She kissed him because of his actions that day;

First, his idea which was actually heartwarming and brilliant. An app for the visually impaired. Notice she almost gave up on his idea for something flashy/money, but she returned when she realised what she actually liked/or what was fun to her. This is foreshadowing, that she will end up not choosing him at first and will get distracted by the fantasy of her first love, but at the end of the day if Dosan stays true to himself she'll return when that fantasy is lost (Back up: the title)

Second, his hands were once again helpful: He used his hands to smash the plaque of the man who was insulting her in other to protect her from being hurt and she knew what it meant for him to lose his cool like that. Since they'd discuss that he never does that. Dalmi realised how important she was to him both in episode 7 and even episode 8 when he finally tells her about her grandmother and she recognises the reasons for the app. Dosan's hands are always doing something to help Dalmi reach her goal, they're there to pull her up when she's down, there to hold her when she cries and they're there to shield her when she's being attacked. She realised again how grateful she was for him and she fell for him again because of his actions in that episode.

Third: Because she realised how much she wanted this version of Dosan too, this new, different version that excites her at times but also confuses her. Remember because of her first love Dalmi is very hesitant towards new people, she has a lot of expectations and qualities she wants in a new guy if he is to beat Fantasy Do San. Her grandmother calls her out on this, and for Dalmi, the reason why she was still getting used to the real Dosan was that she was noticing that he wasn't always hitting those qualities she expected of him like for example, he made mistakes, he was ditzy and more reserved, awkward and wasn't as successful as she expected him to be. But she said to her grandmother none of that mattered when it came to him. Because even though Dosan is different from Fantasy Dosan, his actions have shown her that he's pretty much still the guy she wants: he's modest, smart and selfless and he helps her, inspires and distracts her just the way she mentioned he would be in episode 3 when she found excuses why she dumps guys previously. Dosan ended up being like the guy in the letter despite being different.

Her kissing Dosan signifies that she's put away her doubtful thoughts about getting used to him because she now was falling for him all over again. Her feelings were being backed up: They were being copied without her realising it, she liked two Dosan's in the same way. What this tells us is that she likes them both. Jipyeong and Dosan are still head to head because she refuses to give up on her fantasy and memories of her first love. But Back up also foreshadows that her original feelings are going to be lost, this is because she'll find out the truth and be separated. I think from both guys. But because her feelings for original Dosan is actually copied and improved on, Nam Do San still has a chance to get her back. Basically, once she discovers her feelings, she'll be confused because she likes them both. But her original feelings will be replaced by the copy.

Another proof of how she's backed up her feelings on New Dosan is when he asks her again in episode 8 why she likes him. This time she answers his hands first. Bare with me, let me explain. She grabbed his hands automatically as her answer, and she kissed it, instead of immediately mentioning that his old qualities were what she liked. The first time she answered this question, her heart was still on her fantasy Dosan, but now she's realised that what she wants most of all about him are the current person he is and his hands. All he does for her as the current Dosan. She's starting to care more about this version of him than the first version of him in her mind. It's no longer just because she feels grateful and she cares about his past self, it's because she's attracted and falling for who he is naturally the more she spends time with his real Dosan self. Not the Dosan that is trying to please her or is trying to be perfect, she's falling for him as awkward, dorky and nerdy Dosan. And I think it's so sweet to see it.

THE TRUTH

But she thanked him for the truth. Dosan in episode 8 tells her and comforts her about her grandmother. She tells him (and we know this is ominous foreshadowing) that she is happy he told her the truth. This shows how important the truth is to her, so next week they're goanna separate and break up because of the lie. However like I said her original feelings may be lost, but she had backed it up on New Dosan. So it depends on what happens when they see each other again (I'm guessing they'll be separated for a while) if Dosan is still Dosan (kind, selfless, living buddha Dosan) then she'll choose him over Jipyeong. Before I continue with this theory, let's focus on some symbolic symbols mentioned in this episode:

SYMBOLS/FORESHADOWING

DAU OF THE APP/MONEY:

The title of episode 7 is called Burn-Rate; the rate at which a start up spends money. Money is what was important as well in episode 8 for Dalmi. This was what really frustrated me this episode, Dal mi was hoping for the app to not be successful with people because she didn't get investors, she was worried about the cost of it rather than what it meant when people started to download it. She got distracted twice in both episodes by the money (Jipyeong is the person who caused and led to these distractions each time, In Jae also was part of this) The thing is this is how we're seeing how greed and the ambitious environment of wanting to be a CEO are starting to affect Dalmi and Dosan. Especially Dalmi as she has to think logically as a businesswoman, but she's forgetting that she used to believe in 'miracles' and 'luck' happening for her. Fate as I mentioned before, is making Dosan and Dalmi work together to each achieve their dreams, but they're both slowly getting taken down by reality. Faith is not enough anymore when it comes to logistics. This is why I think Jipyeong is still not the one for Dalmi. He breaks and finds every stopping point to her dreams rather than catalyse or inspire her to go for them.

Don't get me wrong he helped this episode because of her, he likes her. Still, when it comes to the company apart from helping with logistics (like the stepfather issue and recording) he doesn't push for the company's success, he puts them down every single time. He refuses to invest in them because they are not successful or logically right (his lack of faith is why Fate doesn't want him with Dalmi because he'd make her give up if Dosan isn't by her side; this is not me being biased).

He only focuses on the surface (like Dalmi mentioned to Injae things on the surface may seem right, but it isn't on the inside like the spoiled fruits she used to give Dalmi) Jipyeong fails to look deeper and notice the authenticity of someone at first because he's not that open-minded and he doesn't trust easily. This is a good thing in reality as a businessman, but when someone is trying to reach out and make their dreams a reality, he is like the opposite of what is needed to do that, because of his pessimism. Don't know if this is making sense but anyway Dosan may not be as realistic but like I said he's someone who is determined and diligent to make his dreams a reality. He may not know-how, or why, but that's where Fate comes in. And that what keeps on pushing Dalmi to do things against Jipyeong's wishes or she uses what Jipyeong tells her (like the recording), but she comes up with how to use it on her own (like she used it to get the investors for the app).

It's excellent that Jipyeong is logical and smart but with a show that is basically always repeating to not go for what looks only good/idealistic on the surface but to search for authenticity and that has a heart (sail without a direction) it's not working in his favour. That's why despite Dalmi getting distracted by money/logistics or following Jipyeong's advice, she ends up doing the opposite or finding a way for it to work for her and this is due to again Dosan's presence in her life. Dosan's idea for the app was more heartwarming and more genuine (connected to her grandmother), so she chose it over the other choices after realising it mattered more to people than something that makes money, she also discovered how to help them get investors (something that she was trying to do all episode) because of seeing Dosan kneel and look defeated.

THE INCOMBUSTIBLE BAG OF JIPYEONG:

First we all know the plant signifies Dalmi, yes Jipyeong has decided to nurture and take care of her more instead of running away from her. Cute right? We also saw Dalmi give him the incombustible bag a bag that cannot be destroyed. Obviously, on the surface, this points to his feelings and their bond (from when they were kids) This clue points to Jipyeong being endgame, not going to lie. But then if you look closely in episode 8 the bag is returned back to Dalmi and is used to hold her shoes she stepped in shit in. So now its a bag full of shit that is going to get thrown away. It served no purpose, and it didn't matter. Its good to see that these two can't escape what they have because of the letters, I won't deny it, they both cared and had a bond that is great and important, and the letters signify that, but as I keep on saying the letters are in the past, they serve no purpose anymore to Dalmi right now. Jipyeong's purpose that he's good at so far with Dalmi is being a mentor, he's good at offering advice, good at logistics, good at ensuring she's okay, but when he tries to cross that line, he's not good at it, he's not as sufficient as a companion as Dosan is to her, he's not as genuine/authentic to her (this will get a lot of different opinions), he's not as inspirational or helpful to her dreams right now. He may change and become more useful and essential as a lover/companion later on. But right now those letters don't appear to serve a purpose, just like the incombustible bag in this episode.

THE SCRUNCHIE:

I have nothing to say about this as a symbolic item, but it is foreshadowing again if you look closer and notice the details. Jipyeong was the person who originally had Dalmi's scrunchie, he could have returned it back to her and not try and be petty, but in being petty, he returned the scrunchie to Dosan. Yes on the surface this has shaken and scared Dosan. But in foreshadowing terms, the scrunchie represents Dalmi. Jipyeong gave back Dalmi to Dosan get it? It's the same as the sweets where Dosan took it and called it his. Because of Jipyeongs childishness and not going to her straight away to return it (just like he never goes to her straight away, or he's always hidden or one step behind), he ends up giving her to Dosan.

DALMI’S TALE TO INSPIRE JIPYEONG:

The tale of the dead dog. The first letter Jipyeong sent to Dalmi is the story she tells Jipyeong to get him to invest more in Dosan's app. It's nice to see how that letter affected her (since I just said it didn't serve a purpose) but again in a show that praises authenticity that story was a lie. It was fabricated to help Dalmi deal with her own losses, Jipyeong came up with the idea of the dead dog to help Dalmi relate to him about stuff, yes he told her about the idea of taking things not for granted, but it's still a lie that inspired her. This show keeps drawing lines between Dosan's authenticity of his feelings and actions towards Dalmi being what inspires her, vs Fantasy and Idealisms of Jipyeong's Dosans actions. See what I mean? Do san may be lying to her about being the guy who wrote the letter. Still, it's not the letter that made Dalmi choose to give up on her job (it was Dosan's start-up company), inspire her choices and make Samsan Tech overcome difficulties (It's always Dosan by her side and his actions that lead her to doing so), not to mention Dosan fell for Dalmi because of who she was in the letters; he loved her real voice/self before Jipyeong even noticed all that.

So after all this, I still think it's not easy to know who is the endgame. Like I said Dalmi likes both equally now, she's made a back up of her feelings for new Dosan. What we need to see and know now is how change, time and separation affects our characters. This will cause a chance for Jipyeong to step up. Like I said before Jipyeong may learn from his heartbreak and be different and mature, he may become selfless for her and be more exposed to her (this what he needs to do more), or Dosan, my poor Dosan, may end up being regressed. When looking at character arcs, Jipyeong can have character development (start trusting more, being open more, showing up more) and Dalmi also can have growth (stop mixing fantasy with reality, stop being petty with her sister, grow up more for her company). Still, Dosan is pretty much 'perfect' as a character now. The way he needs to grow or develop is opposite instead of humbling himself (like Jipyeong) he needs to be more bold and selfish, that's worrying. I can only see his character arc becoming more and more affected by the ambitious environment and becoming more selfish or ambitious to stay successful if Dalmi leaves him. Ego, Spite, Heartbreak and Ambitiousness changes a person. It's not just this though, but there is a foreshadowing quote in episode 8 about a best friend betraying his team. It's either one of the Sans who does that to him, like Yulsan might betray him (since the camera was on him for longer) or Dosan gets poached by someone (Alex) and betrays his team for what seems more successful for him. But hopefully, he doesn't lose himself in the process. I still think Dalmi and Dosan are fated, and they positively influence each other, so I'm guessing even after becoming different people they'll match that way, or they'll fall apart. Let's wait to see what it brings.

PREVIOUS ANALYSIS OF THE LOVE TRIANGLE

#start up #start-up #start up kdrama #startup #kdrama net #kdrama #nam do san #seo dalmi #han jipyeong #november #cwg #fvete #tvn start up #nam joo hyuk #bae suzy

124 notes · View notes

ducavalentinos · 3 years ago

Note

In the 3rd season of Borgia Faith & Fear, Della Rovere tells Lucrezia "of all the Borgias, I think you are the most dangerous", I find it funny bc I don't remember Lucrezia was being especially threatening to DR there. Do you think this phrase could be applied to Lucrezia? In which cases could she (always seen as tragic & passive)have been more "dangerous" or influential than the almighty Rodrigo and the energetic Cesare? Perhaps in things related to diplomacy and behind-the-scenes maneuvering?

Oh, this scene! it was a good one. And no, she wasn’t being especially threatening to DR there, not in an obvious, male way, which tends to be more overt, but she was kinda being it in a female way, which tends to be more covert, and which can be more dangerous at times because you don’t see it coming, and that I believe, was the point of the scene. DR clearly saw the threat in Rodrigo and Cesare, but he never saw it in Lucrezia, until that moment. That was when he realized that behind her mask of beauty, charm and piety, laid an very intelligent and diplomatic woman, who knew how to use her feminine charms to get what she wanted, and that indeed made her more dangerous than her male relatives, who in Fontana’s version, are uncharacteristically unstable, obvious in their plans, and openly and stupidly confrontational with their enemies. In this world, Della Rovere was used to that, but he wasn’t used to the tactics Lucrezia was employing there, so he was definitely like: hmmm, I need to be careful here, more than ever before djsdjdsjdsj. And yes, anon, I do think this phrase could be applied to historical Lucrezia, despite the insistence of Borgian scholars to keep fallaciously reducing her to a tragic, passive figure, who was only a victim of "patriarchy" and "the terrible, ambitious men" in her family, looool. Much like it happens with Cesare, Lucrezia's historical material, her actions, do not support the majority of the claims made about her and the overall presentation of her historical figure, on the contrary, it constantly heavily points towards different conclusions about her character, her life, and most of all: her family dynamics with her beloved father and brothers. I think it must be understood that Lucrezia seems to have had a preference for the incognito way of doing politics, and to not treat it as a lesser form of doing politics, because in truth, it is very wise, also. She was as intelligent, politically cunning, ambitious and pragmatic as her family, and other noblewomen of her times, but she does not seem to have wanted to broadcast that to the world, she doesn't seem to have had any desire to let others perceive her as a political player, perhaps because she was aware it brought more disadvantages than advantages, man or woman, once you were perceived by others as a political threat, it made you an easy target for violence, and it added an extra difficulty in making political moves without being noticed, (and the element of suprise, of secrecy, is one of the key factors of successsful policies or of achieving a certain political goal) Lucrezia witnessed that first hand, with Juan being murdered, Rodrigo and Cesare having various murder attempts to their person over the years they were in power, and with their every move constantly being watched, their words and actions scrutinized by their contemporaries. Lucrezia had no need for that, so the lack of records about her private life (even Gregorovius in the end admits nothing is known about her private life while she was in Rome) and of her political side does look like it was partly like her own doing. A deliberate effort into making herself as unnoticeable as possible where political affairs were concerned, simultaneously always taking great care in her appearance in public, from her dressings, to her hair, to her walk, to her speech. She always presented herself as the beautiful, graceful, fashionable, joyful, and pious daughter of the Pope. This presentation does contain a certain political tactic, or dissimulation to it, much like the one made by Cesare to Machiavelli, or Rodrigo to the Venetian orators and ambassadors, with his seemingly honest talk with them, like they were close friends, when that was far from being the case. And here's the thing: it is quite obvious this presentation worked to her advantage, according to the historical records, most people who met her, especially men, fell for it, (even her biographers to this day do) and they all appear to have never seen it past what she presented to them, in that way, she could,

and did, obtain what she wished from them: eulogies praising her virtues (a good and necessary PR the rest of her family should probably have paid as close attention to as she seems to have done tsc tsc), beautiful love poems, and of course valuable information and people who felt so attached to her person they were willing to help her in her political and romantic intrigues.

This all can be observed in various occasions during her lifetime: The writings of Ariosto and other intellectuals about her, the passionate love poems and letters of Bembo, the documented actions of both the Marquis of Mantua, and Ercole Strozzi concerning her. And we have the very interesting words of one of spies of Isabella d'Este, known as il Prete, whom she sent to Rome with the precise task of him learning every detail about Lucrezia, but when he met with her, he ended up disclosing more about his mistress to her than of actually learning anything significant about her, and in one of his reports to Isabella he says: "She[Lucrezia] is a lady of keen intelligence and perspicacity...” and in another one he writes: “one had to have one’s wits about one when speaking with her..." And as far as influence goes, there is certainly material indicating she did had a strong influence with her father, and it can only be speculated with her brothers, (although I think she did to a certain extent, I think it is undeniable that her contemporaries were aware she was the darling of the family, and to offend her in any way would immediately put them in disfavour with Rodrigo, Cesare and Juan, they spoiled her a lot, and were very protective of her) but it is noted Lucrezia was the constant recipient of petitions to Rodrigo, of various sorts, which implies they saw her as the best intermediary between them and the Pope, in order for them to get their wishes granted. Not Cesare, not Juan. So within the family, her influence can be supported by the evidence, and outside the family the evidence is way more limited, but considering all this, I don't think it would be far-fetched to say that not only it does seem she played a bigger role in the politics than it is usually conceded to her, but that she very well could have been more dangerous, more influential at times than Rodrigo and Cesare, only behind the scenes, as it really does appear to have been her MO. For all of the excellent diplomacy and political skills Rodrigo and Cesare had, they were still men, men at the front stage of power nonetheless, which caused other men to be more guarded in their presence, even if they felt dazzled by Cesare or Rodrigo's strong allure, however, with Lucrezia, I think it was a different story. She had the same mental and political capabilities they had, in fact, I'd argue there is much indicating she learned a lot from them, but all of that came under, was deliberately hidden by her, by the feminine cover, which both made these traits and her being perceived as a threat a lot harder, if not impossible, to detect. Which naturally, as seen above, prompted men, perhaps also women (although Isabella d'Este would not be included in this list jdsjdsj, for I think apart from her personal prejudices against Lucrezia and her family, she also recognized from the get-go the political shrewdness in Lucrezia since she was also a shrewed political woman herself), to lower their guards around her, and speak more freely, and here I believe, Lucrezia had a bigger room to be influential with them, engaging in diplomatic conversations, suggesting ideas about a particular political situation, asking something from them, and that being more well received than it would have been if it had been otherwise proposed or offered by her father and brother, and perhaps even her husbands.

#ask answered #anon ask #lucrezia borgia #house borgia in fiction #house borgia in history #cesare/rodrigo and lucrezia are my favorite trio in history #and they deserve soooooo much more than it is given to them #it's unfortunate #:(#and in some ways lucrezia def. reminds me of livia drusilla tbh #bc she really seemed to know how to work around obstacles and more often than not getting what she wanted #and/or what was in her and her's family advantage #i often see her as the renaissance livia drusilla alas without her octavian djsjdsjs #but as i said for cesare in it being hard to find a livia drusilla so it is to find an octavian #only very few lucky people do

17 notes · View notes

spockandawe · 4 years ago

Note

Than you so much, spockandawe for answering my ask. Do you mind if I ask a few questions again?

Who is your favorite main couple in mxtx novels (wangxian or hualian or bingqiu)? And why?

Who are your fav side couple (don't have to be canon) in mxtx novels (in each of the 3 novels)? And why?

Sorry if you have answered the questions before...

No worries whatsoever! I love talking about fandom things like this :D

Hmmm. I think... I'm going to have to go with hualian as my favorite main couple. It's a really tight race with bingqiu, but the metaphor I've used before is that svsss hits me like I'm eating a bag of doritos, where shh yes okay i know it's lighter on nutritional content than I want it to be, but i can't stop eating and if you try to take it away I will FIGHT YOU-- But tgcf in general and hualian in particular are like a big fancy dinner, and no matter how much i LIKE my doritos, I still have to admit that a real dinner has more substance to it.

I think that a big element of it really is mxtx developing as a writer, and that it's unrealistic to expect a novel she wrote when she was barely an adult to compare to where she is now, and by any standard, tgcf is ambitious as HELL, but that's not all there is to it. I think that for me in particular, there something about the difference between Luo Binghe falling in love as a teenager and achieving love in his mid-twenties and Hua Cheng falling in love comparably young and staying devoted and steadfast without any external support for eight hundred years. I can conceptualize the passage of eight years, but trying to picture eight HUNDRED years of that kind of single-minded adoration just leaves me reeling. And it opens the door to intense gestures of devotion that bingqiu just never had TIME for, like the statues.

There's also something for both these ships that doesn't wangxian doesn't have as much of (which knocked it out of the running ssfdf) and that's that regardless of gong/shou dynamics, there is an intensely submissive element to way that Luo Binghe and Hua Cheng love. And like... that really, really does it for me. And looking at it now, i think that's the real final deciding factor in tipping me in favor of hualian. Luo Binghe begs Shen Qingqiu to choose him, using any and all methods at his disposal. He's 200% down to be as shameless as it takes to get what he wants, and I love it.

But I just DIE at the way Hua Cheng is ready to tie himself into knots to avoid inconveniencing Xie Lian in any way. He's the ruler of a city and lives in a lavish palace, but is completely down to stay in puqi shrine because that's what Xie Lian wants. Xie Lian is part of a heavenly contingent that invades his city, and steals his prisoner and bURNS HIS HOUSE DOWN, and Hua Cheng is furious........ because when Xie Lian consciously decided to jump in front of Hua Cheng's sword, he got hit with Hua Cheng's sword. And it mean I SCREAMED in Mount Tong'lu, when after so much dedication and service, Hua Cheng decides NOT to remove the paralyzing talisman from Xie Lian's body! It makes me appreciate the depths of how much he's FEELING when we see his self-control finally waver! When we get to see those little moments of fear! I can't exactly say that choosing hualian over bingqiu was an EASY choice, but it was the CLEAR choice for me, hahaha

And my favorite side ship....

Oh man, I have no idea how I'm going to explain this, but...... moshang. I just. I love them.

And see, I don't think mxtx even did that great of a job writing them, or at least she didn't spend enough energy addressing the whole 'hmm, casual violence as a display of affection does not actually work with humans, aight' thing. There's still more... fear than I would like at the end of canon, when I think a quick abrupt turnaround for mbj would have legit been appropriate, and if anyone can recognize the difference between his appearance and his actual thoughts, it should be sqh

But also.... this relationship hits so many of my buttons, even if mxtx kind of like, set the microwave timer, and fan creators had to come along and actually hit START.

The shameful truth........ (afdhfj not actually shameful) is that if I had to pick one mxtx character and be like 'it me', i would have a hard time justifying anyone but shang qinghua. The last time i reread the extras and saw the bit about how mbj's cold face was a gift from shang qinghua to his favorite character, I was legit like 'YES, QUEEN!' And in a transmigration story like this, an author being loved by their own character is just THE most indulgent, wonderful thing!

And as far as canon plot goes, one, I VERY much want to write some actual in-depth thoughts about mbj's trauma and baggage from being imprisoned by huan hua palace when he was just a toddler, and realizing that his dad was... not going to protect him from his uncle. I want to pore over that lingering fear and lack of trust, and a gradual swooning over one of the most nonthreatening men around, and terrible (mutual) communication skills leading to a near-fatal falling out and a miracle save. I want to scream about how he puts ALL his faith in shang qinghua to protect him from his uncle, the bogeyman of his youth, and COMPLETELY neglects to warn or inform shang qinghua in any way, and shang qinghua loses like ten years of his life to the stress, but manages to pull it off in the end.

This ship DOES embody some of the things I like most about wangxian, especially the part where two people of intensely different temperaments still manage to build up a deep understanding. Now, wangxian gets messy in large part thanks to external forced, while these two manage to fail at everything, starting with basic communication, all on their own, but like.... I like dumbassery..... these two endear themselves to me XD

#i need all of the moshang wedding aus out there please and thank #i literally cannot consume too many #spock replies #long post/#svsss #tgcf

33 notes · View notes

ninjasmart · 4 years ago

Text

What is Jack Schlossberg, President John Kennedy’s only grandson’s ikigai?

1. Ikigai is a concept coming from Japan that means - reason for being. Many people focus on the career, on the work, but don’t feel fulfilled. If you do what you love, what you’re good at, what others need you to do for them, what the world needs more of, what others are willing to pay for, then you’re on Your Path.

2. With Jack Schlossberg, the career is an obsession. I can see him exhausted trying to do everything. It is interesting, people who try to fulfill two different life paths usually have more than one name. With him - there’s overstacking on building the background for a political figure - the education, the charities. It’s like - we gave birth to you - now, go and become a president.

At the same time - he’s really good at Blue Bloods. There’s future for Officer Jack in the industry. I’m thinking, should I really do a love reading on him. He’s so focused on what will make mom happy, the family proud of a Kennedy and what will make me happy, and I’ll do both, cause I’m ambitious.

3. I’ll cut to the chase because his ikigai is the Moon. Literally the world of illusions. That’s equally as valid for the entertainment industry as for politics. His family need not worry and have faith in him.

It’s interesting, though, I keep getting the question - what do you need all those Diplomas for? He was raised as very responsible overachiever. The path he was put on is ambitious. The question is - is it his path.

I think there is future for him on the big screen. If he thinks he needs to overachieve to prove he can do it and it’s not all because of who he is - he needs to remember to just say Thank you. That’s enough. Those who are envious will always find something to envy him for. Those who are not will see that he is fortunate to have access to the elite schools of the land and one can only be happy for him. Those who can those who have access to the elite also have the responsibility to make the world a better place including for those who can’t.

Because, let me tell you, there are people who have access to the resources to which he has access to and do not do good on their responsibility to society. This guy, Jack Schlossberg, he’s solid. Not just responsible. Solid. Good things can be expected from him. And, if one day he ends up as a political satire comedian - he’ll revolutionize it.

His service to the world is in the public eye - whether from a TV show, or a Netflix show, or a News anchor, or a late night comedy show, or from the Senate - he’ll be good at it. We need more people like him in the world.

4. What’s his passion - 7 of cups reversed. He is not unclear what he is passionate about. He was born into prestige, respect, I’d say - American royalty, he is gorgeous. The 7 cups in the 7 of cups stand for - the temptation, the desires of the heart: health, wealth, fame, glory, castles, salvation. He was born into that. He makes good on his bloodline with his more serious pursuit. I would only add that the Blue Bloods and the acting is not whimsical pursuit. It is not less serious or less respectable. It is one aspect of what he’s good at - and that is: acting. Unlike our faux royal MM, he IS good at it. Keep on practicing, boy, the world needs you.

5. What he loves - Well, if you leave him on his own accord, he’ll be , 8 of pentacles reversed. These are the employees every manager “loves” - who can find how to cheat the close and will put in only the minimum effort to not get fired but also to not be noticed by the managers with good performance. As business owners they’ll love to have their name under the CEO or Founder position but the long hours, blood sweat and tears will be optional for them.

If you leave him to slack off he’ll do it and he’ll be really good at it. Two possible reasons for that. I really think he’s overly ambitious and an overachiever. That leads to what unsuccessful people will call “bite more than you could chew”. In hi case - he’ll do it, he’ll make it, he’ll succeed even if this makes him a slacker in one are or looking like a lazy person in some other area. He’s not lazy, he’s got way too much on his plate and he’s juggling it all.

So, the first explanation is - it’s an exhaustion symptom. He’d love to just relax and do nothing because he is constantly achieving something and rarely takes time to really do nothing and recharge his batteries.

The second one is - he was raised to not be a slacker. So he’d love to be like the regular Jacks but that’s not who he is and he knows it.

6. What the world needs - the high priestess. Divine Feminine. Champion of human, feminine rights. And, please get me right - a champion of the Divine Feminine is a man who defends, makes a woman safe, help her, treats her right. A gentleman in the true sense of the word.

The high priestess is one of my favorite cards. I would also interpret it as - finish your degree, do not drop out. It was cool, but now it is not. Be a man of your family and graduate. Then, go back to school for acting. Find your acting mentor - a woman, a woman of considerable age. I think she’s very well known teacher. Learn from her. She has a lot to offer.

Perfect your acting skills because you’ll make good use of them in the future.

7. What is he going to be paid for - In ikigai this is what is important part of getting out of bed in the morning. Not only to give to others more than you receive back in monetary value but to also receive that monetary value.

10 of wands is a beautiful advice card here. He needs to form partnerships and always, always delegate and be clear on roles and responsibilities and to share the workload. He doesn’t have to do it all on his own. In order for him to be better in achievements, he needs to learn to find the right people to delegate the workload to. That will not make him less of a workaholic. But it will carve some time for mindfulness, focus and strategic thinking.

He’s already studying for that so thumbs up, he chose well.

8. What is he good at - 2 of wands. Money. He’s good at handling money, making money, creating multiple streams of income. If he wants to write a book - his mindset and management of personal finances will be a bestseller.

9. His mission in life - 4 of swords reversed. I already talked about it. If he thought that he’s one of those rich kids of legends, who are supposed to make good to their ancestors but will never come out of their famous relative’s shadow whether they make use of the privileges in life or not --- that’s not his path.

He is not supposed to life a private life outside of the eyes of the media. ... some of the download got lost because I was distracted for a moment... Whe nthe time comes his ancestry will play a deciding factor. Until then - be in the public eye as much as possible. Rack up those fans and followers. The world needs you - you, not who you thought you are or who you were told you should be.

10. His vocation - 5 of pentacles. It’s a hard card to read. If I could make a guess - it can show his current situation at his environment - work, school, professional sphere. He’s meeting with a lot of isolation - you’re not like us, you’re from the royalty. If I was to guess, he’s experiencing it in a lot of areas - things handed to him because of his last name, or things not given to him again because of his last name.

I think that this is the reason he is so determined to show them all, to achieve it all, to be successful no matter what... you know the saying - when life gives you lemons, make a lemonade... and then sell it for profit.

This type of attitude towards him comes with the territory. It is part of who he is and this is where the acting skills can help even more to show him as relatable. And also, we are not given a challenge unless this is what defines us and makes us not stronger but makes us ...words are escaping when I come to explaining this. My guess is that he needs to figure it out on his own.

However, those challenges are what he came here to achieve in solving. He can become very relatable. Very, very relatable. If he could only see those challenging situations as an invitation to turn these people as his fans instead of enemies or frenemies or people who secretly dislike him or envy him, he’ll be performing his calling to a T. Later on in life he’ll be a role model. Might as well start now.

11. His profession - the Fool. The Fool as profession is an interesting card. First, he need to embody the qualities of the Fool card. To make it seem that what he has been achieving is easy, leisurely, effortlessly, and that anyone can achieve it.

He’s ok to continue to be ambitious. Signing new acting contracts, following double major after double major on the side. As advice - do not be afraid to start over or start new things constantly. This is who you are. Make it seem effortless and secretly work really hard to make it happen.

#johnkennedy #jack schlossberg #tarot reading #akashic records #forentertainmentpurposesonly

36 notes · View notes

doomonfilm · 4 years ago

Text

Ranking : Darren Aronofsky (1969-present)

Of the multitudes of New York directors that have made a splash on the film scene over the decades, one of the modern day creatives I put on a pedestal is Brooklyn’s own Darren Aronofsky. Right out the gate he introduced the world to what he called “hip-hop editing”, a frantic and pattern-based editing style that gave his films a fresh, bold look. With almost 25 years in the business under his belt, it doesn’t appear that Aronofsky is planning on hanging things up any time soon, so why not look at take a look back at the films in his canon and rank them for the hell of it?

7. The Wrestler (2008) Perhaps the most down to earth of the Darren Aronofsky films, it’s a bit tough putting it at the bottom of his film list. He takes a very grounded and sobering approach to the examination of falling short of personal dreams and fractured relationships between parents and children, which gives Mickey Rourke the proper tools and space needed for a moving performance. That being said, when a magician like Darren Aronofsky has shown you monumental feats of movie magic, sometimes a card trick is underwhelming by comparison, no matter how well executed.

6. Noah (2014) Turning the Biblical tale of Noah into a post-apocalyptic big budget thriller may seem a bit strange on paper, but leave it to Darren Aronofsky to make such an ambitious idea actually work. Russell Crowe brings the goods as a spiritually conflicted, faith-driven Noah in a landscape that Aronofsky gets a chance to flex his visual muscle on, using vivid time lapse photography and color alteration to great effect. Ideas presented in The Fountain receive refinement, and we get a glimpse at ideas that would reemerge in mother!, making Noah an interesting middle-point for the Aronofsky canon.

5. Black Swan (2010) Outside of Requiem for a Dream, Black Swan is probably the strongest Aronofsky film in terms of ensemble performance. Turning a story about the drive and dedication it takes to succeed in a discipline like ballet into a symbol-heavy allegorical remix of The Ugly Duckling narrative works well in the hands of Aronofsky, as he handles his narrative and characters with care and emotion rather than exploiting them with sensationalism and catty behavior. For a film with a mostly grounded story, the visual flourishes are stunning in their uniqueness from the methods Aronofsky normally uses, and for this boldness alone, it deserves attention and praise.

4. Pi (1998) This brilliant, stunning debut film reimagined what a psychological thriller could be, taking a deceptively complex idea which, at its root, is a concept so simple that it is easy to apply to our daily stimulus. As a result, we are taken into one of the most vivid black and white worlds committed to film since the expressionist films of the 1920s, with an influx of technology that was already outdated by the time of production serving as the visual equivalent to Max’s obsession and madness with unlocking the secret code. From the Stock Market to the Torah, and all points in-between, Pi takes viewers on a rollercoaster thrill ride that doesn’t let up until the credits roll.

3. The Fountain (2006) When this film was released, I went to see it strictly off of the name recognition of Darren Aronofsky, but based on the promotional materials, I misread it as a Hugh Jackman time-traveler story. I was in no way, shape or form prepared for the visceral emotion, the inconceivable grandness of the love story, or the mind-blowing esoteric resolution that ties the film together. Aronofsky’s trademark “hip-hop editing” is pushed to its creative limits, with mirroring and repetitive cuts and shot sequences used as connections through space-time, all the while keeping two souls tethered together through the vastness of experience. For anyone who has been hesitant to see The Fountain based on the fact that it looks and feels different from what you’d expect in an Aronofsky film, do yourself a favor and check it out... and prepare to be moved.

2. Requiem for a Dream (2000) Pi may have put people on notice in regards to Darren Aronofsky, but Requiem for a Dream left no question that he was a genius in regards to filmmaking. Not since Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas had a novelization of such harrowing experiences been adapted to the screen with such preciseness and unchecked energy, as Requiem for a Dream successfully covered the umbrella of addiction, be it to Schedule 1 narcotics, the opioid epidemic, or even material and carnal desires. The film stood as the world’s proper introduction to Aronofsky’s “hip-hop editing” style I’ve mentioned previously, and I will go to my grave believing that Marlon Wayans not being recognized for any acting awards in regards to his performance in this film was criminal, not to mention Ellen Burstyn’s loss to Julia Roberts at the 2001 Academy Awards for Best Actress. Plain and simple, for nearly 20 years, this film stood as Aronofsky’s greatest achievement... but suddenly, near the end of the 2010s, a new challenger arrived to take its rightful place at the top of the list.

1. mother! (2017) After the divisive release of Noah, Aronofsky could have found a simple story to tell, but instead, it seems that he invoked all of his creative, symbolic, faith-based and romantic energy, manifesting it into the powerfully poetic film that is mother! From the opening to the closing bookends, mother! is full of ruminations on fame, unconditional love, protecting what you hold valuable to you and the process of trying to turn a relationship into a family, but it finds itself enriched by more symbolic and indirect ruminations on religion, war, exploitation and the way that humans treat the Earth in general. Everyone involved in this film leaves their heart, sweat, blood and tears on the screen, including Jennifer Lawrence in a career-defining role and show of vulnerability. For a director that continuously surprises and thrills me, I did not think that his most powerful shock to my system would be his latest, but hopefully, it’s an indicator that Darren Aronofsky still has miles to go on his journey before it’s all said and done.

#ChiefDoomsday #DOOMonFILM #DarrenAronofsky #Pi #RequiemForADream #TheFountain #TheWrestler #BlackSwan #Noah #Mother!

35 notes · View notes

astrology-india · 4 years ago

Text

Venus In Capricorn Man - What a Woman Needs To Know

New Post has been published on https://www.astrology-india.com/venus-in-capricorn-man/

Venus In Capricorn Man - What a Woman Needs To Know

The hardworking, sturdy Venus in Capricorn man will put in the extra hours it takes to make you his long-term partner. As long as he feels the prize is worth winning!

The male of this zodiac sign is driven and ambitious, some may say he is stubborn. Either way, you look at it, it is undeniable that he has his head on straight.

He is a professional and charms his lover by maintaining a cool and grounded persona.

It is his restraint and aura of togetherness that sweeps people off their feet, but is he a good match for just anyone?

Venus In Capricorn Man Key Features

Positive Characteristics

A Venus in Capricorn man is generally loyal, driven, hardworking, decisive, smart, and full of ambition.

Negatives Traits

The dark aspects of Capricorn can make him stubborn and selfish. There is a tendency for him to roll over others on the way to his focused goals.

Also, the male with this zodiac sign is prone to being resentful and can be overly critical when trying to win an argument.

Venus In Capricorn Man Ideal Partner

His ideal partner is usually mature, goal-oriented, reserved, classy, and intelligent. He needs someone who will be in it for the long run, through thick and thin.

Needs To Work On

The Capricorn in Venus man needs to work on self-care.

He can be introverted and reflective by nature, yet he goes full throttle towards his goals, and this could lead to burnout.

He must learn to understand that it is OK not to do anything, once in a while, and just relax.

Venus In Capricorn Man Personality

The Venus in Capricorn man tends to know exactly where he is going. He is equipped with a God-gifted internal GPS that will get him there one way or another. It does not matter how long it takes this man to reach his goals.

The dependable Capricorn goat has the will and the discipline to see things through to the very end, even if his goals are long-term and years in the making.

This man does not understand the meaning of the word “no”. Success is of the utmost importance to him. This extends beyond his career and reaches into his friends, family, and his love life as well.

The male with his Venus in Capricorn finds security in these areas and his accomplishments in them, his life takes on a sense of stability when he is happily in love.

The Earth Sign Of Capricorn

Capricorn is an earth sign, and like the earth, the male is grounded. Although he may have many goals in life they generally fit into an achievable time scale.

The Venus in Capricorn man can be a bit reserved, usually well-mannered, and is likely to follow social norms to a T.

The Capricorn man is known to enjoy structure and is usually a fan of following the rules. Some feel they need to break the rules to get ahead, but not this man.

The Venus in Capricorn male tends to have the remarkable ability to not just understand the rules but to use them to his advantage which helps him to get ahead every time.

This zodiac sign for a male is cool, calm, collected more often than not. He uses his restraint to impress others, especially the person his heart admires.

It is his chilled, laidback manner and his long list of accomplishments that he uses to turn them on. He is rarely overly emotional or extroverted, he tends to keep his emotions in check.

It should be said, however, the Venus in Capricorn man is prone to being judgemental.

He can be critical of others when not living up to his standards and he can be just as hard on himself for the same reason.

Positive Traits

Ambitious

Intelligent

Decisive

Committed

Refined

Restrained

Grounded

Negative Traits

Stubborn

Selfish

Resentful

Hard On Himself

Can Become Depressed

What Attracts a Venus In Capricorn Man?

The Venus in Capricorn man knows what he wants but he also knows the reasons why he wants it.

Some say the Capricorn Venusian man is picky, but he seems to understand himself well enough to know what a good fit is and what is not as far as his relationships are concerned.

He has a particular temperament, and it is important that his partner can match it.

The Capricorn man prefers his lovers to be mature, grounded, and somewhat serious in their demeanor.

He is not one for childish head games, and what attracts this man is somebody who knows who they are and is clear on what they want.

For this reason, men with this Venus aspect can have tendencies to get involved with partners who are older than them.

Capricorn is represented by the goat which is also an independent and strong-willed animal. A potential partner would benefit from similar characteristics, however, neediness in a woman may only repel him.

He is attracted to people who project a quiet sense of self-assurance. He is not a fan of the aggressive, impulsive, or dramatic type of person.

As the businessman of the zodiac, the Venus in Capricorn man is an investor of money, time, and also in his relationships.

Naturally, he is looking for a mate who will invest back into him; someone who will be there for the long haul.

Showing your loyalty to the Venus in Capricorn man is key, and in return, you will land yourself one of the most faithful men of the zodiac.

Most Compatible With a Venus In Capricorn Man

The Venus in Capricorn man is a good match for water and earth-sun signs because they are generally committed to their relationships.

These signs are sensitive, and able to form strong emotional and intellectual bonds with the Capricorn.

He is most compatible with Venus in Capricorn, Taurus, and Virgo who are all logical, goal-oriented, and committed in terms of love. He also connects well with Venus in Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces.

Of course, this is just a generalization. To be clear on who is the most compatible with the Venus in Capricorn man, looking at your full natal chart is recommended.

Final Thoughts

Capricorn is symbolized by the mountain goat for its strong-willed and independent nature. The Venus in Capricorn man will not be swayed from his heart’s desires.

While he comes across as a grounded and collected individual, on the inside he is nothing like meek. He tends to know just what he wants and is capable of heading straight for it.

If you can show that you are smart and have your act together, that you are strong and independent as well, the Venus in Capricorn man will take notice.

If you show your loyalty to him and signal that you are in it for the long run, congratulations, you may have just landed yourself a quality partner for life.

An Important Message About a Venus In Capricorn Man

Do you dream of experiencing the fantastic emotional connection with your Venus in Capricorn man that only true love can bring? Secure in the knowledge you are the only woman in his life?

If so, please read on as the next few paragraphs contain vital information that can bring your dream to reality.

To achieve the perfect relationship with Venus in Capricorn man, you need to understand how he thinks and acts in romantic situations.

Someone who has studied these traits and characteristics is relationship expert Anna Kovach who has written a book entitled Capricorn Man Secrets.

Decide for yourself, if this is the key to your future happiness with the man of your dreams, by taking a peek preview.

#Attraction #Capricorn man #compatibility #Venus in Capricorn

47 notes · View notes

joachimnapoleon · 4 years ago

Note

Hello, Can you tell me about the relationship between Joachim Murat and Caroline Bonaparte. Thank you.

I've been wanting to write about their relationship more in-depth for a long time, but I've been putting it off for various reasons, so thanks for giving me an excuse to finally get down to it. :) And... this is probably going to be pretty long. Their relationship was very complicated and often tempestuous (I could use that exact phrasing to describe Murat's relationship with Napoleon, but that's another, possibly even longer post, for another day).

I'm still not entirely certain how I feel about Caroline. She has been greatly maligned over the years, and is, in my opinion, the most misunderstood and demonized of all the Bonaparte siblings aside from Napoleon himself. So much of what we know (or think we know) about her, derives from memoirs that were largely hostile to her; she left none of her own (though her daughter Louise and granddaughter Caroline did). Her remaining published correspondence is sparse, and very one-sided; she apparently was in the habit of destroying most of her received correspondence, including nearly every letter she ever received from her husband, and Murat almost never kept copies of the ones he sent her. So there is this gaping hole in their correspondence where you almost never have Murat's voice. This lost correspondence has been the biggest bane of my existence since I started studying Murat a few years ago.

Their first meeting may have been at Mombello in 1797, but if so, it would've been brief, as Murat only stayed there for a short time before returning to Brescia (and his then-mistress, Madame Ruga). But it seems to have been long enough for Caroline to have become completely infatuated with him, and to confess her feelings for him to Hortense while they were together at Madame Campan's school. She didn't see him again until after the Egyptian campaign, but their courtship seems to have taken off once he was back in Paris. Caroline became bent on marrying him, and Napoleon was opposed to it, only reluctantly signing the marriage contract in January of 1800 and then spitefully not attending the wedding. Apparently it was Josephine who persuaded Napoleon to let the two marry, hoping to finally secure an ally among the Bonaparte siblings. She developed a sort of motherly affection for Caroline early on, but Caroline eventually ended up--whether due to the influence of Joseph and Lucien Bonaparte, or her jealousy of Hortense--firmly in the anti-Beauharnais camp, and Murat and Josephine, who had initially had a good relationship, also became enemies over the next few years.

The early years of their marriage were, from all indications, happy. They had four children in fairly quick succession. They were a very affectionate couple--often publicly so, to the point where a disturbed Madame Campan finally asked Hortense to urge Caroline to show some restraint.

They endured a long period of separation very early in their marriage--the first of many, adding up to several total years spent apart between 1800 and their final parting in May of 1815. Murat was sent to take command of a force in Italy in November 1800 while Caroline was pregnant with their first child; they did not see each other again until May of the following year. There are a couple of letters within Murat's published correspondence that hint that, though he at first attempted to remain faithful to his wife during this interim, he may have given up on the endeavor prior to their reunion. The diplomat Charles Alquier, who befriended Murat in Italy, wrote to him in April 1801, lamenting not being able to spend a few days with him in Florence, teasing that he "would like to witness your gallant successes there and hear you talk about your marital fidelity, without believing it in the slightest." The following month, after the arrival of Caroline, Alquier teases Murat again along these lines, in a postscript that reads "It was about time that Madame Murat arrived in Florence, or your hard-pressed fidelity was about to escape you." He had almost certainly resumed his affair with Madame Ruga during this period.

After the birth of their fourth child, Louise, in March of 1805, Caroline was not pregnant again until 1810 (she would end up miscarrying while Joachim was waging his Sicilian campaign). This has led some historians to conclude that there was a "physical separation" between them, a rift of some sort in their relationship. This may have been the case, but I haven't found much evidence on it either way. There is very little remaining correspondence between the two during this period. Murat was away for long periods due to multiple wars, plus the time he spent in Spain in 1808 prior to taking the throne of Naples that year. Neither of them were faithful to the other. Murat, who was in his early thirties and quite set in his womanizing ways when he married Caroline, doesn't seem to have been either capable of, or interested in, monogamous relations, and at some point this seems to have taken enough of a toll on Caroline that she apparently decided to follow suit. Hortense records an encounter with Caroline from the mid-1800s where Caroline's "sole topic of conversation was the joy of loving and being loved. Her affection for her husband, which once had been so violent, seemed to have diminished. She was now attracted by the charms of a pure liaison."

Over the years Caroline allegedly had affairs with Charles de Flahaut (who was also Hortense's lover), Junot, and Metternich. One of her biographers has theorized that Caroline carried out each of these affairs for the primary purpose of future political leverage (Junot, for instance, was the Governor of Paris at the time). Another theory I've encountered is that she picked these men as a sort of game of one-upsmanship over her female rivals--to show Hortense that she could take Flahaut from her; to show Laure Junot that she could have her husband or her later lover Metternich if she wanted, etc. I... don't really have an opinion on this one way or the other. Caroline was definitely ambitious, and also capable of petty jealousies. What affairs she had (or allegedly had), were of short duration and so far I've come across nothing to convince me that she ever actually fell in love with anyone other than Murat.

Out of the two of them, you may as well flip a coin as to which one was more ambitious. I think, in the end, Joachim managed to overtake Caroline in that department, when he got it into his head to try to become the king of a united Italy while Caroline just wanted to preserve their throne in Naples after Napoleon left Elba. But early in their relationship, Caroline seems to have been the one most obsessed with titles--throwing a fit until Napoleon conceded in granting her and Elisa the title of "Princess". Once Caroline was a princess, she wanted to be a queen, especially after her friend/rival Hortense became the queen of Holland via being married to her brother Louis. Joachim and Caroline were essential to each others' elevation, and they both recognized this; and this recognition, along with their devotion to their children, were the two things that kept them united even when they were temporarily at odds with each other. Once he had obtained the title of "prince" by virtue of being Caroline's husband, Murat became as obsessed as Caroline with the idea of having a throne. Napoleon himself later blamed Caroline for putting grandiose ideas into Murat's head, which then, in his words, "hatched chimeras." He also took it for granted that it had been Caroline who had pushed Murat into defecting from Napoleon and signing the treaty with Austria in 1814, and remarked that Caroline had tremendous influence over her husband.

The irony of Joachim and Caroline Murat achieving the height of their ambition by being given the throne of Naples, is that their reign was probably the worst thing to ever happen to either of them. It wreaked havoc on their marriage for years. It was easily the most miserable period of Murat's life.

For starters, Napoleon essentially poisoned the well, so to speak, by making it clear in the Treaty of Bayonne that Murat was only king by virtue of being married to Caroline, language which Murat found deeply humiliating. The humiliation was further compounded by Caroline being named his direct heir, rather than their son Achille, in order that the throne stay within the Bonaparte family.

So Murat started his reign with a certain amount of resentment and jealousy--and a fear that Caroline would attempt to edge him out of power and dominate him the way that her sisters dominated their husbands, a prospect which was intolerably degrading to a man of Murat's pride. There's no real indication that this was ever Caroline's intention--but Murat was prone to paranoia, worried for years about being superseded by his wife, especially as he increasingly fell out of favor with Napoleon, and Caroline (and her faction at court) steadily gained influence. The first couple years of the reign saw Joachim doing everything he could to keep Caroline on the margins of power. She spent much of her time reading, writing letters, and visiting the ruins of Pompeii.

There was a reconciliation (for a time) between the two in 1810, while they were in Paris together for Napoleon's second wedding. After the wedding, when Murat returned to Naples and began preparing for his Sicilian expedition, Caroline remained in Paris for several more months, during which she served as a sort of intermediary between her husband and Napoleon during a time when the two were at odds and Joachim and Caroline were worried about losing their throne. Her letters to Murat during this time are full of tenderness, consolation, and advice. Examples:

"My dearest, this last separation seems to me even more insupportable than the others. You were so good, so perfect to me in those last moments, that your kindness brought me to tears and still fills me with affection. I confess that when you do justice to my true feelings for you, I am the happiest of women." (11 May 1810)

"You will see one day: we shall be the happiest creatures in the world, and we shall owe it to our children. They will give us back all the love we have for them, and our old age will be adorned with their virtues. See as I do--far into the future." (13 May 1810)

"I'm always anxious about your expedition... Do not expose yourself more than the duty of a general requires, I ask you in grace, imagine that your existence belongs to me and is a possession you cannot dispose of." (16 June 1810)

"We can be happy, but in order for that, we need to be content with what we have, you must calm a little your head, which gets hot so easily, and await, with more patience than you've had until now, the moment where we will be more tranquil and more independent. The happiness of our interior will compensate us for our many pains, and you will find with me, with our children, and from all those who sincerely love us, enjoyments worth all the others." (5 August 1810)

Their relationship was fractured all over again before the year's end. Murat's aggravation with his Sicilian campaign boiled over in a scathing letter to Caroline in which he accused her of being disloyal to him; she received it two days after her miscarriage in September, further adding to her heartbreak. It wasn't a permanent rupture by any means, but it was a deep wound in their relationship that took time to heal. The following year, Murat received reports (almost certainly false) about Caroline having an affair with Daure, Joachim's Minister of the Police, who Joachim soon removed from office, writing to Napoleon that Daure had "aimed at forming a party against me. He did not hesitate to attack me in my tenderest affections," but that "his efforts in that respect were far from obtaining the success that he dared hope for." Murat's relationship with Napoleon likewise grew even worse in 1811, and Caroline went once more to Paris to serve as a go-between/peacemaker.

Leaving for the Russian campaign of 1812, Murat had no choice but to leave Caroline as regent, and he spent most of the campaign worrying about what was happening in Naples in his absence. But she proved a capable ruler, and ruled as regent again during the 1813 campaign, and then again in 1815 during his failed campaign against the Austrians. Joachim seems to have gradually gotten over his fear from early in their reign about Caroline trying to edge him out or dominate him, after she had ample opportunities to do so when he was out of favor with Napoleon throughout 1811 but never did; the latter years of their reign indicate something of a happy equilibrium, and Murat was not above consulting Caroline for her views on complicated issues.

Joachim accompanied her to the ruins of Pompeii on a number of occasions. They both shared a love of art, and patronized a number of artists, including Canova, Ingres, and Antoine-Jean Gros. They danced together regularly at court balls, and went to the theatre often. But above all they preferred spending time together with their children, and their favorite place for this was the terrace of the Palazzo Reale, their personal sanctuary, off-limits to all but the royal family and invited guests, where they would often dine and walk in the gardens (and under the shade of the lemon trees Joachim had had planted for Caroline).

To sum it up, their relationship was extraordinarily complex and they weathered some serious storms which would've broken most relationships beyond repair. The more I read about them, the more I'm impressed by the resilience of their relationship and their determination to keep mending it and making it work, rather than just giving up on it and going the way of Caroline's sister Pauline and her husband Camillo Borghese, who lived mostly separate lives and had minimal interaction. But the Murats had been a love match, and neither of them ever seemed to reach the point of wanting to give up on their relationship entirely. Their relationship--like Caroline herself--has been maligned and badly misinterpreted by earlier historians leaning too heavily on hostile memoirs, and also by those who have been intent on salvaging Murat's reputation by putting all of the blame for his mistakes on Caroline's shoulders.

Thanks for the ask! And sorry if I rambled on too much.

#asks #Joachim Murat #Caroline Murat #Caroline Bonaparte #Napoleon #Napoleon Bonaparte

61 notes · View notes

frenchhoethefirst · 5 years ago

Text

TLH characters as zodiac signs:

(Warning: there may be some COG2 spoilers in the colored descriptions of the characters)

Cordelia Carstairs - Aries

“I am”

Independent - Strong Opinionated - Courageous - Competitive - Volunteering - Generous

Just as Aries, Cordelia will never back down from a challenge and is not scared to tell her mind as it is wether people like it or not. She wants to be a hero, which goes with the fact that she’s an independent young woman who’s always ready to help others and to stand up for those who need it, which are dominant Aries traits. She is not afraid of danger and is quick to act when it is needed which shows her bravery.

Thomas Lightwood - Taurus

“I have”

Kind - Patient - Logical - Stubborn - Trustworthy - Understanding

Thomas is a kind young man who is very caring and faithful to the people he loves, just as Taurus. He’s a rational person and always tries to understand people before judging them, but he also can be very stubborn in the decisions he takes as we could see with the end of COG2 when he decides to completely cut ties with Alastair (😭😭). He’s also patient with people, which is very much needed considering the disaster that are his friends.

Grace Blackthorn - Gemini

"I think”

Flexible - Versatile - Intellectual - Manipulative - Soft Spoken - Curious

Like Gemini, Grace has multiple facets to her personality that she adapts depending the person she is in company of. She adjusts herself very quickly to whatever situation she is facing because she is very flexible and doesn’t hesitate to use manipulation to get what she wants. She is not very attached to emotions and puts value in the intellect. As Cassie teased us she seems to be interested in science, which shows her curiosity.

Ariadne Bridgestock - Cancer

"I feel”

Emotive - Faithful - Tender Hearted - Nostalgic - Intuitive - Loving

From the few glimpses we got of Ariadne, we could see a sweet person, faithful to her loved ones. We can see with her small interaction with Anna at the end of COG2 that she is pretty intuitive with people’s feelings. The fact that she proposes to welcome Grace in the Bridgestock house shows her tender heart. All of these traits make of her the perfect Cancer.

Matthew Fairchild - Leo

“I will”

Protective - Loyal - Vivacious - Honest - Confident - Popular

Matthew loves being the center of attention and has a very extrovert personality. He’s also truly loyal and protective of the persons he loves as we can see with the way he always took care of his father and how attentive he is to his friends needs. He minds a lot about the way he dresses and presents himself to the world. Matthew has a bright energy that always illuminates the room he is in. Typical Leo !

Charles Fairchild - Virgo

“I analyze"

Hard Worker - Organized - Perfectionist - Critical - Problem Solver - Old School

Such as Virgo, Charles is very work driven. His highest goal is to be the Consul which shows that being successful in his career is the most important thing to him. He is very organized and critical in his way to act and see the world. He pays attention to all the details in order to achieve his goal which shows his perfectionist side.

Anna Lightwood - Libra

“I balance”

Charming - Fair - Social - Great Listener - Diplomatic - Lover of Beauty

As a true Libra, Anna is a natural charmer. As it’s said in the book, she can charm absolutely anybody but also make people feel at ease in her company. She brings harmony to the people surrounding her, which is necessary with the chaos that are the Merry Thieves ! She’s always fair in her judgment and love the very idea of beauty that can be translated in her infallible sense of style.

James Herondale - Scorpio

“I lust”

Strategic - Secretive - Brave - Passionate - Persistent - Ride or Die Buddy

James is the ultimate Scorpio. He’s a very passionate person wether it is with his love for books or about how fiercely he loves his family, his friends and Cordelia gRaCe. He would do absolutely anything for the people he loves and would never betray them. He has intense emotions and is really lead by them, but still is very secretive with the way he feels. We can also see with the way he lead his friends into resolving the demon mystery that he is very brave and strategic.

Lucie Herondale - Sagittarius

“I see”

Outgoing - Careless - Adventurous - Optimistic - Philosophical - Open Minded

Lucie is very adventurous and just loves action and adrenaline. We can see it in the stories she writes that are full of adventure because it’s what she loves the most. She is very friendly and could really make friends anywhere which shows how outgoing she is. She also demonstrates a capacity to be always optimist even in the most desperate situations but can be careless when it becomes dangerous. All of these traits apply to Sagittarius.

Alastair Carstairs - Capricorn

“I use”

Ambitious - Practical - Workaholic - Serious - Realistic - Clever

Alastair shows big Capricorn traits. He has a very practical and realistic view of the world which makes him always choose the most benificial option to him not really caring about people’s opinion. That is demonstrated by the fact that he decided to become a bully at the Academy (yikes 😬), he is lead by his head/intellect and not his emotions. That also means he will do what has to be done seriously, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be caring towards the few persons he trust such as his mother, Cordelia, Thomas.

Jesse Blackthorn - Aquarius

"I know”

Free Spirited - Analytical - Humanitarian - Unpredictable - Obstinate - Easy Going

Jesse is a free spirit (no ghost pun intended but yet here we are). He is very easygoing as we can see with how easily he becomes “friends” (😏😏) with Lucie. He’s also very analytical with how he understands first that Lucie can command the dead and curious about everything uncommon as he read a lot of Benedict’s papers. He shows also a big determination in his choices including when he doesn’t hesitate to give James his last breath. This is why he represents Aquarius perfectly.

Christopher Lightwood - Pisces

“I believe”

Idealist - Dreamer - Creative - Empathic - Selfless - Mystical

Christopher demonstrates a lot of Pisces traits. He is a big dreamer who lives in his own world (not meant in a bad way) which explains why he is always a bit oblivious. He is very creative in his science experiments (our king about to invent fire messages) and hopes to improve the shadow hunting life by this way, which shows his idealist side. We see a bit of his interest in everything a bit mystical with his fascination for pyxis. He’s also very selfless with his devotion to his friends and family.

131 notes · View notes

severusthehalfbloodprince · 3 years ago

Photo

SEVERUS SNAPE: LIFE | DEATH | REBIRTH

Personality: Cold, calculating, precise, sarcastic, ambitious, bitter, & passionate.

Occupation: Potioneer & Assistant to Professor Slughorn at Hogwarts.

Headcanons:

One of Severus Snape’s favorite reads in his pastime is The Prince by Niccolò Machiavelli. For Severus, there is a lot to be learned and gained from the Machiavellian way of thinking. Not only to see how people get power, but ‘show the cards’ to the people for a better understanding. Gain power without fear of betrayal.

Severus has never been one to keep up with grooming or really any self-care. There was never enough money for properly matched clothes growing up, so Severus stuck with robes and keeping them washed as often as possible. However, he was often teased for his greasy hair and bad teeth. Since school, Lucius has been immersing him into Pureblood society, forcing him to do some well-needed maintenance. Now, he keeps new robes washed often and his hair is a little less greasy; overall, looking much less unkempt. In fact, he goes for the robes that suit his line of work, without embellishments or fluttery sleeves that would get in the way of his potions. Usually, his color of choice is black paired with white. Although now, again immersed in Pureblood society, he does wear dark blues and greens (even browns) since black is the color of mourning - something he will wear for the rest of his life after the events of Godric’s Hollow.

With war coming, Severus always wants to be prepared. Thus, he carries, not only his wand, but a couple of vials of both blood replenishers and dittany on his person at all times. There are spots in the cuffs of his robes and cape as well.

Family Background: As an only child, born to a cold household, Severus does not dwell on his family life and wants very little to do with them. In fact, the only thing he has ever kept from his father is his last name. His parents were: a witch, Eileen Prince, and a Muggle man named Tobias Snape. An awkward boy with a raw gift for talent – often hidden in scribbles betwixt the pages in his journals. Severus never liked being at home, trying to outrun the hate, fear, shouting, mistrust, and overall broken nature. It was what made him stay out hours on end, and eventually, meet Lily Evans. From there, she became his family. From then on, it became a world of possibilities, hope, kindness, and…magic. It both made him eager to start Hogwarts school with her; but dread is they were going to be sorted into different house; see their friendship, and Snape’s first glimmer of good in the world, dwindle.

Biography Before 1979: Severus Snape was raised in the Muggle Dwelling of Spinner’s End – close to the Evans family home. His parents were: a witch, Eileen Prince, and a Muggle man named Tobias Snape. Growing up, Severus was an awkward boy with little-to-no social skills; however, he managed to befriend his neighbor Lily Evans. While she was Muggle-born, Severus had taken a liking to her because of Lily’s rare, genuine talent for magic just as he had at a young age. Plus, both were ‘freaks’ in her sister Petunia’s eyes. It made a friendship from a common ‘enemy’, or at least someone that was a bully, thus bonded together. Petunia was harsh to Severus – making fun of his mismatched clothes and scrawny figure. The young red-haired girl helped Severus forget her unkind sister, sometimes defending him, but always making him feel uplifted by their conversations. And magic, of course. With Lily being his only friend, Severus often stayed with her for hours at a time, trying to avoid the neglect and abusive life awaiting at home. And…since the pair were so close, the young boy yearned for the dream that both he and Lily would be sorted into the same house once they were at Hogwarts.

Although, this very idea was shot down by other bullies.

On the Hogwarts Express, other upcoming students had shared their space and fought over which house was better. From that very moment, Severus never forgot James Potter or Sirius Black – and their mutual disdain for one another grew even more over the years.

At the beginning of school, even with being sorted into different houses, Lily and Severus remained close friends. Severus had always been in love with Lily, but his interest in the Dark Arts kept her from returning his feelings. Ironically, he thought that if he were successful in those endeavors, it would grab her attention. The only thing the Evans girl could really do, was try and give subtle hints she didn’t want him down that path – and continued to be his friend.

While he believed it was unrequited love, the pair often made jokes, playfully flirted, day-dreamed, studied, and brushed off Potter’s ‘achievements’ as just a ‘crave for attention’ from the young Seeker. It was their sort of “small revenge” to poke fun at Potter since Lily had, softly, confessed that she once hated him when they were younger from how the Gryffindor boy used to bully her and Severus. Although, the Gryffindor had still been a bully to him all the while. The pair thought James was arrogant and the actions of trying to ‘woo’ Lily were trivial. It wasn’t until one day when Lily tried to stand up for the Slytherin that their friendship took a turn for the worst. As usual, James and his horde of Gryffindors used one of Severus’ own spells against him, levitating him upside-down to reveal his underwear to a vast number of students, including Lily. While she, like many times in their childhood, came to his defense, it only made the situation worse. In his rage, Severus lashed out at James to recover his lost dignity. Subsequently, Severus inadvertently called Lily a Mudblood. She refused to forgive him for it, even after his repeated apologies. This is Severus’ worst memory. Their friendship then plummeted. He was left without his best friend and love…leaving nothing but disdain towards the Gryffindor boys.

Yet, that fateful night, when James ‘saved his life’ from a changed Remus, Severus’ loathing practically manifested into its own creature. He thought the Gryffindor boy only did it to protect his friend and prevent expulsion, when really, Severus knew James was trying to keep Lily from (actually) hating him. If James had let her once-close friend die or be bitten from a werewolf, Severus knew Lily would never forgive her housemate. The Slytherin grew bitter at the advances James put toward the girl he loved and a bit jealous since she stopped brushing them off so easily. The Gryffindor boy claimed his immaturity had dissipated, (though the Severus knew better) and Lily began to date him. Snape’s jealousy, rage, and resentment were to the point he’d never thought possible.

From that night on, Severus did all he could to learn more about the Dark Arts after being sworn to secrecy about his classmate by Dumbledore. The least he could do was gain the trust and respect of his own housemates. Perhaps, eventually, use his own spells against his bullies. Yet, he felt empty…having lost his only true friend…his first and only love…The influence of Slytherin had never taken more of a toll on him, shaping him into what he wanted to be after graduation. The Dark Arts completely fascinated him; as well as potions; having made commentary on his old textbook. Once Severus had become friends with his housemates, they showed him the world of Purebloods and, eventually, their cause. It was alluring…captivating…seductive.

Biography After 1979:

Soon after joining Pureblood Society, there was an immense pressure for Severus to join Lord Voldemort’s ranks after seeing the sheer passion and raw skill he had for the dark arts. In fact, many hid that Severus was a Half-Blood, calling his by the surname ‘Prince’ …all so that the young Slytherin could gain an audience with The Dark Lord and make his way into their ‘inner circle’ of The Death Eaters. Yet, there was a price. Many prices. Including the fact that he needed to gain their leader’s trust. It just so happened that, in early 1980, Severus saw Sybil Trelawney meet with Dumbledore for an interview as the next Divination professor and eavesdropped. He had not expected that it would be about The Dark Lord himself – or his demise. Unfortunately, he was thrown out and missed the ending of Sybil’s prophecy, arguably, the most important piece of it.

To gain Voldemort’s trust, he reported back what he heard. However, his heat plummeted to his stomach once his lord interpreted the target to be James and Lily Potter’s son. While it was dangerous to ask Voldemort for anything, Severus knew he had to try, and begged him to spare Lily – his childhood friend (and love; although, he would never admit such words to anyone in Voldemort’s ranks, much less The Dark Lord himself). Doubting Voldemort would keep to his word, Severus went to Dumbledore as well, asking him to do all that he could to keep Lily alive. Scolded by Dumbledore for such a selfish request, Severus amended his request by asking him to hide all of the Potter family in exchange to serve as the Headmaster’s spy in the Death Eaters. Desperate, Severus agreed.

Yet, on eve Hallowe'en in 1981, Voldemort arrived at Godric’s Hollow and murdered both James and Lily Potter. Saved by his mother’s love, Harry Potter survived, and Voldemort was killed. As the news of their deaths broke out, more violence was claimed by his comrades, while others shouted that the war had ended, carrying Daily Prophets with “The Boy Who Lived” as their headlines flooded the Wizarding World. After, Severus questioned Dumbledore relentlessly – claiming repeatedly that he would keep them safe. In that same breadth, The Headmaster said that they had put their faith in the wrong person – much like Severus had – and told him to protect Harry to honor Lily.

Replacing Professor Slughorn, Snape withdrew from the Death Eaters and Voldemort’s followers, and began teaching Potions at Hogwarts in 1981. Initially, he had wanted the position for Defense Against The Dark Arts, but Dumbledore refused, aware that Voldemort had put a jinx on the job, and rejected his application multiple times. Over the years, he led Slytherin House into success, flourishing as a young, ambitious professor, and guided them to many victories on and off the Qudditch pitch (much to McGonagall’s irritation at her once-student-now-colleague-and-even-friend). Although, that seemed to change its tune once Harry Potter and his class began at Hogwarts. Even so, Severus still kept his promise, protecting Harry Potter through the years.

Distrusted for his past as a Death Eater by those on Albus Dumbledore’s side, and hated by other Death Eaters for living as Dumbledore’s stooge for ten years, Snape continued living on to complete Dumbledore’s plan to protect Harry and defeat Voldemort. As a professor, Snape was a stickler for discipline, with little patience for foolishness, yet extremely effective in his job and well respected by the other professors. He treated Harry Potter with maximal coldness – never missing an opportunity to cause him trouble (as any variation from this would have cast suspicion on him in Voldemort’s eyes). However, in reality, he protected Harry on numerous occasions. While Severus was happy enough to cause the boy, who resembled his father (Snape’s hated rival from school days), humiliation and trouble, but never any actual harm or danger as he was still Lily’s son. He also had to avoid becoming too aware of Voldemort’s plans, so as to avoid being held responsible for allowing Harry and his friends to foil them.

Severus handled all this brilliantly – every action causing no mistrust on the part of Voldemort. During the 1991-1992 school year, he tried to prevent Quirrell from getting the Stone. In 1992-93 term, he tried to make sure Harry wouldn’t be expelled, though never treated him kindly. 1993-94 term, Snape brewed the Wolfsbane potion for Remus, though he suspected him of helping his old friend Sirius Black, and an attempt to apprehend the former, but the trio stopped him. Even so, Severus stood between the students and Remus, shielding them no matter the cost. Yet, nothing goes without consequence. Towards the end of the year, Snape revealed Lupin was a werewolf. Then, in 1995, when Voldemort returned, he was sent on a secret mission by Dumbledore to rejoin the Death Eaters and spy on the Dark Lord. When Harry began having visions, Snape was to teach him Occlumency, though their contempt made this fail. In July 1996, Dumbledore was cursed by one of Voldemort’s horcruxes. Gifted in dark arts, Severus was able to slow the dark magic, but knew The Headmaster-turned friend, would die from the enchantment. Dumbledore, of course, knew that Voldemort had tasked Draco Malfoy with killing him, but pleaded with Severus to kill him instead; gain the Dark Lord’s trust completely. Albus also invited Severus for an evening visit in his office, revealing the truth of Voldemort’s demise. When Snape learned that Harry had to die, he showed outrage and, ultimately, even after all these years, Severus still loved Lily – revealing his Patronus to be a doe. After making an unbreakable vow with Narcissa Malfoy, and during the Battle of the Astronomy Tower, Snape kept his word and killed Dumbledore himself, tricking both Harry Potter and the Death Eaters. Shortly after, Severus fled the school, rejoining their ranks as Voldemort’s most trusted follower.

After killing Albus Dumbledore and fleeing the school, Snape once more rejoined the ranks of the Death Eaters. In the summer of 1997, Snape informed Lord Voldemort that Harry was to depart from his relatives’ house four days before his birthday. On Dumbledore’s orders, Snape told the Death Eaters the correct date so as to continue Voldemort’s trust in him. Snape then fed Mundungus Fletcher the idea of using seven decoys of Harry Potter during his movement to a place of safety so that when the Death Eaters arrived, they would not know who the real one was. In order to be consistent in his own role as a Death Eater, Snape confunded Fletcher so that he would not remember who told him. Because of Severus’ information, when the Order of the Phoenix moved Harry from Privet Drive they were ambushed by Death Eaters, and the Battle of the Seven Potters ensued. During the battle, Snape accidentally sliced George Weasley’s ear off with Sectumsempra while aiming at another Death Eater. Shortly after the battle, Severus visited 12 Grimmauld Place where, in Sirius Black’ bedroom, he found Lily Potter’s letter. Snape had cut off the letter and took the page, which contained Lily’s signature and love. He also cut off the picture of Potter family and took the page, which contained Lily, for himself.

In 1997, Severus returned and was named Headmaster of Hogwarts. All the while, he helped guide Harry Potter to Gryffindor’s sword and fooling the ones who protected The Dark Lord’s most precious items and secrets – the horcruxes. Without giving away his true allegiance, Severus did everything in his power to help the Potter boy so that good could triumph. Severus knew the consequences, and yet he did so willingly…somewhere, no matter how far hidden, having to come to care for the boy. Later, he was summoned to the Shrieking Shack, with Voldemort having believed him to be the master of the Elder Wand after being the one to kill Dumbledore. In order to gain the upper hand and have his wand work for him, Voldemort reasoned that Severus had to die. Nagini bit Snape and injected him with poisonous venom. Snape released a cloud of memories and told Harry, who had watched from a hidden spot, to take them, then died…looking into the eyes that reminded him of someone familiar; an old friend…

#bio #hc #development #catching up before plot begins #life death rebirth

3 notes · View notes

summoner-kentauris · 3 years ago

Note

What does your interpretation of Zacharias think about Líf and Thrasir? (You can either just answer or write a lil story if you feel like it)

OOOO now i have thought in my free time a fair amount about what líf thinks of zasha but, and i cannot believe this, i have not thought about what zacharias thinks about líf and thrasir. full disclosure, book III happened to be going on when i formally stopped playing feh. i kept up with the story after that but, theres my obligatory knowledge base disclaimer.

also minor cws through this whole thing because i talk here and there about zacharias and his... mm, canonical relationship to death/selfharm

so, i spent a lot of time thinking about this one, and i keep coming back to my gut reaction, which is that i don't think zacharias would like them very much. i dont know why i think that, though.

PART ONE

i think a lot of it would depend on how they approach him, which is maybe why i've spent more time thinking about the reverse of this ask, come to think of it. see, i think zacharias could go any which way in terms of what he thinks of them. i think he could hate them, as two people who killed versions of everyone he ever loved, including metaphorically killing off the two people closest to him.

i think he could love him, having seen the hell (ha ha literally) that they went through. understanding what that feels like. given the way he talks about his suicide attempts, and honestly that he spent most of book I trying to get people to kill him, really his whole relationship to death. i mean the man talks a lot about death and killing. he might not be the feh OC who best understands how manipulative and... whats a good word. alluring? what im trying to say is that besides eir, he might be the one most likely to understand why Hel and hel's offer appealed to líf and thrasir. i feel like this bit has a place here: "With his dying breath...he begged for his life. He called out your names! "I'll do anything you ask! Just let me live!" excepting of course that i still am not sure if i think he said/thought that or not. ive never been sure who really is in control of speaking right then and there. Anyway. Probably he could come to understand Líf and Thrasir's stance, enough that he could care about them the same ways he cares about his versions of Alfonse ann Veronica

on the other hand, i can see him being fully horrified by the choices those two made in response. this bit: Not anyone... This dark god...seeks death. And it cries for the destruction of Askr. Like. Líf and Thrasir are intentionally enacting the same thing as the dark god's desires, in order to correct a mistake they made that, uh, also enacted the same thing as dark god's desires. talk about awkward. and i think Zasha, who has lived with this nightmare in his head for so long, might recoil from people who are so directly aligned with it. who wants to be around someone who has become, who has chosen to become, everything you ever feared you'd be? especially when you're nearly drowning from the effort of fighting to stop yourself.

i could also see him meeting them and it being incredibly, incredibly bad for him. i feel like, he puts a whole lot of... mm. what am i trying to say.here:

Yet it is you that says this, dear friend, and so I must consider it. I see the faith reflected in your eyes. Perhaps it is possible...

SPEAKING OF BUNNY ZACHARIAS I ALSO THINK YOU COULD TAKE THE FOLLOWING:

You never change. All you see is a lofty goal, even if you lack the means to achieve it... The idea that gods would fall by the hand of man is a fantasy... and a preposterous one. This is a goal that even our ancestors Líf and Thrasir could not achieve.

setting aside the obligatory wtf zash i know you know your lore (fuck, maybe there is no killing the gods, maybe all Fire Emblem victories are temporary at best and Zenith is the only one who knows it. but i think, probably not), i think you could spin a very believable scenario where zacharias takes one look at these two ambitious, arrogant posers and absolutely refuses to speak to them any further.

so, part one, i think that zacharias could think any number of things about líf and thrasir. which i suppose means that i think he's fairly neutral on the subject of líf and thrasir. makes sense to me, i suppose. i feel like zacharias | bruno has practice (regardless of whether he's any good at it or not, or whether its any good for him) at holding and maintaining separate personas, so I don't think the fact that líf and thrasir were alfonse and veronica would necessarily be all that important to him.

which brings me to part ii

what happened to dead zenith zacharias

if zacharias is neutral on the subject, I think a lot of their relationship is going to pushed in one direction or another by líf and thrasir themselves.

and, complicating matters (when do I make things simple?), i think their approach to zacharias would of course depend on what happened to their zacharias. correct me if im wrong, but i dont think we have even a hint what happened to him.

there are three ish options I'm seeing. one: as dead world zenith is further along in its timeline and as zacharias claims he's almost out of time with his curse, other zacharias died due to that before the war with hel. i feel like scenario one is the most likely to lead to a good relationship between main zacharias and líf and thrasir.

two: mr. professional "knows plot relevant things out of knowhere" was the one who found out about angrboða's heart in the first place. especially given "As destruction took hold, we joined with Embla to seek the forbidden heart...", which to me sounds a lot like, "hel was kicking our ass then zacharias showed up and said we should go get this mystical plot object from embla". thrasir even says she and líf weren't allies before the world went to shit. anyway. hear me out here:

Yes. The heart is sealed within an Emblian blood temple. If that seal is broken, someone will die each time the heart beats... Those who perform the rite are the first to die.

Now. Líf claims he was the one who broke it open, but he also was present for the war that followed and only after was he killed and inducted into hel's army. so. both of those things can't be true. i propose that the magic mcguffin located in a sealed emblian blood temple was unlocked by our dear zacharias and thats what killed him in other zenith. i think its possible that other veronica was the one who did it, but you know. its all imagination at this point. also, and i forgot this, but thrasir does go off about how she can't lose until she saves her brother, so. something especially tragic happened at least. and oh boy is scenario two a nice fresh tasty tragedy. so that's scenario two. other zacharias directly died as a result of attempts to fight hel

number three thing that could have happened to zach is boring. he's always off doing things, he could have just died off screen. i mean. everyone did, eventually.

frankly he could still be alive for all i know. the heart appears to take the lives of people in the world, not of the world, or else the summoner would have been fine. so, if zacharias was on one of his off world jaunts, he could conceivably be a-okay. well. as okay as someone who's whole world died. i don't think that's what happened, because thrasir is pretty clear about feeling that she failed him, but yknow.

líf and thrasir's reactions to the above

thrasir is i think the most straightforward. i can't really see her approaching main zacharias with anything but positive intent. even if she's only a little bit open, i think thrasir and zacharias will probably have a decently tolerable relationship. if zacharias can come back to a country that exiled him as a kid and let his mother die in a dungeon and then go on to not just befriend but protect and care for a half sister he didnt know before then, then i think he'll find a way to care about thrasir. you know, intsys could have had fun making another perpetual older brother character. as i understand it, xander gets brother'd a lot, he and zach could have talked. could have been fun. a whole, zacharias, a historically traumatized child: *arrives in a world* every currently traumatized kid in a five mile radius: oh shit this one's ours now. you know what im saying? found family except zacharias would very much like it to stop finding him. he's got important brooding to do. but anway, they didn't go that route and its a tragedy.

líf is... more complicated. i think scenario one creates the most positive outlook. i can see him still having guilt over zacharias' loss, but i think any of it would be overshadowed by everything else that happened. in this scenario, líf finally gets back a piece of the world he'd lost. yeah, it's not his zacharias, but still. it is a zacharias, who is living and breathing and frowning and asking why you are staring at me, knight. i think the two of them could get along rather well, although i see them having significant issues with pessimism. inch-restingly enough... the dark curse bades its hosts to kill askrans. and líf is, well. dead. so... perhaps... perhaps líf wouldn't trigger the curse like alfonse does. in that case, not only does líf get someone back he thought he'd never see again, but so does zacharias.

scenario two is just a nightmare. frankly, i initially thought this scenario would lead to líf just ignoring zacharias (out of guilt, pain, etc), but i was rereading the scripts looking for the spelling of angrboða and this came up:

Tell Hel. She'll erase those memories. She'll erase them all...

so, honestly? i think that in scenario two líf just straight up gets hel to remove his memories of zacharias (as an aside maybe this is also why he never ever ever talks about other anna >:{ )

in that case, líf wouldn't really have any reason to talk to this man, who causes this empty deeply sad feeling to well up in him for now discernible reason. and zacharias has no reason (or time) to talk to this standoffish general of the dead. so. that's a real ships in the night moment.

number three i think líf would still hold the same guilt as in number two, but i don't think it would be as horrifically tragic, so i think it's more likely he'd be willing to approach zacharias. he does appear to have even worse of a thing than alfonse about not opening oneself up to people, but i think that even if he's líf, he once was an alfonse, and being that this is me answering this, i don't think any alfonse can really keep away from a zacharias for very long. its a version of the person who once knew him as well as any other person in the world. like líf can't really seem to stop himself from associating with main sharena, i don't think he could stop himself from reaching out in his own way to main zacharias. and god does that man need some more friends. i think zacharias would probably be a little frightened of líf, and of what an alfonse could become. but i think probably... i feel like a lot of book i issues stem from the fact that, justified or not, zacharias thinks alfonse would risk anything, any harm to save him. i don't know that confronting an alfonse who literally risked everything and did all harm to save his world would be a comfort, but i do think zacharias would get a lot out of having someone who's already done the worst they can do. been there, done that, got the tshirt. i think zacharias would be a little afraid of what an alfonse could become, but i think he would no longer have to be afraid of... no, anxious about it. i think there's a kind of calm in having something confirmed that zacharias could appreciate. healthy? unhealthy? fuck if i know. i also think that in líf, zacharias has a friend who he can't physically hurt anymore. lífs already dead. been there done there got the.... glowing gel torso. i think, curse nonewithstanding, zacharias will always have some degree of tension and fear about hurting people he's in a relationship with, be that because of his issues with abandonment, of abandoning, of harm, etc. but you know. líf's kind of a rock. and he's already hit his rock bottom, now that i'm thinking about rocks. i think that kind of steady, placid deathness could really help zacharias. and i think he would find it soothing, whether or not he knew why.

plus he will be able to know that if the curse gets him, if he dies... he'll still have a friend in the realm of the dead. he doesnt have to be so afraid of leaving and getting left

so there we go! lots of musings. i have been thinkin about why my headcanons are less that and more elaborate branching theories, and i think it is because i would change my opinion depending on which story i wanted to tell or hear or see.so yeah. dunno which one of these answers belongs to the question, what does your interpretation of Zacharias think about Líf and Thrasir?, but hopefully at least one of them is interesting to read about!

OH also. i think he would be petty-ly annoyed about them cribing líf and thrasir's name. like full on scholar petty. probably showed up to the order in a nerdy huff excited to meet the actual factual líf and thrasir and turns out its just those two, sitting around glowing and reciting death metal lyrics like they're spoken word ballads. dont think he'd get over that ever.

#as an aside during the course of writing this #i have become convinced that ''I was powerless to stop it... There was nothing I could do...'' eir #could probably have interesting things to talk aboutwith ''he was all alone... there was nothing he could do to save himself...'' zacharias #anonymous #whew thats a lot of words #ill spell check in the morning #yeah right no ill spell check tomorrow evening #thats more likely #that was fun to think about #i hope this makes sense because i am NOT going to reread it #im going to go get dinner #sat here and DID NOT MOVE for ages #my neck is killing me #thanks zacharias

4 notes · View notes