#here's what my brain was doing while everyone else was getting liberated

[meredithalden]

just got back from meditation boot camp. have some goenka memes

[drdemonprince]

I was never really certain about my transition in the way that most gatekeeping hormone prescribers and curious members of the public demand that a trans person be. I didn’t “always know” that I was not cisgender. I haven’t “always known” anything about myself. Very few truths about me have always remained true, my existence is too interpersonal, contextual, and ever-evolving for all of that. (So is most everyone else’s, I think). I don’t think that the fact I’d eventually choose to exercise my body autonomy at age 30 by taking hormones is a decision I could have foreseen when I was a child. All that I knew about being transgender when I was a kid was a fact that most children intuitively know: gender assignment was a violation of my freedom, of everyone’s freedom in fact, and it was wrong. As an infant and then a child and teenager, people kept imposing labels on me; they kept forcing me and my body into prescribed gendered boxes, and while the specific labels and boxes never really felt like the right ones, the most disturbing part about it all was the forcing. No coerced identity would have ever felt right. Children can tell when secrets are being kept from them, and when adults are restricting their choices. They notice that they and the other children are being lined up boy-girl, boy-girl, without ever being told what a girl or a boy even is. They can see their parents frowning when they reach for the doll with the shimmery hair, or climb atop the neighbor kid on the playground. Kids know that they are forbidden from sitting with their legs spread wide or flicking their wrist, and their gender illegibility is shamed in them, long before they get any answers about what gender means or where it comes from or why it’s so important that they make themselves easy to understand.

Like the cloned children in Never Let Me Go who grow up being conditioned for a life of forced organ donation, children in a cissexist society grow up conditioned to fall within certain gendered boundary lines, and by the time they learn that the reason for this is almost completely arbitrary, they can’t imagine any alternative. Not until some of them hear about gender transition and find the prospect very compelling, for some reason. You can say that reason is because some of us are inherently trans, but there’s absolutely nothing in the way of brain science, genetics research, or even sociological data to back that up. Besides, the search for a biological “reason” that people are transgender or queer runs counter to the goal of queer liberation in the long run. Science only needs to explain the existence of transgender people (or queer people more broadly) if our existence is in some way aberrant or a problem. If queerness is accepted as a form of human diversity that simply exists, then there is no need to excuse it by claiming that it is never a choice. It can be a choice, if a person wants to make it, and hopefully it satisfies them, but maybe it won’t. Freedom to choose means freedom to forever be dissatisfied, to search endlessly for more, and yes, to capable of making a mistake. I would say that viewing myself as transgender was a choice. I decided to break away from the straight, female categories to which I had been assigned, and doing so allowed me to view the legal and societal power structures that had restricted me more clearly. It helped me better understand myself. But that does not mean the actual act of breaking away was always the truest reflection of who I am. The version of me that transitioned was a person on the run — and how a person behaves, thinks, and self-conceives when they are fleeing is not a great reflection of whom they might be if they were safe. If we all lived in a world free from mandatory gender assignment, and where our bodies were not mined for meaning about the kinds of sex we liked, the clothing we should wear, the personality qualities we have, the roles we should play in society, and the connections we are allowed to form with others, who knows who each of us might be. But none of us get to live in that world, or ever gets completely free from the frameworks of heterosexuality and the gender binary. These frameworks shape every legal institution we encounter, every school we attend, every item of clothing we put on, every substance we take into our bodies, every piece of paperwork that ever gets printed about us, and every look another person ever gives us. And so we make due with rewriting and recombining those frameworks as best we can. It should come as no surprise that those us who break away from the binary have to experiment and revise how we understand ourselves quite a bit — sometimes getting things “wrong,” sometimes searching forever for the semblance of something “right.” Sometimes reveling in the “wrongness” of all the available options is kind of the point.

I wrote about my detransition, retransition, and the eternal dissatisfaction that is probably the corest truth of my identity. It's free to read or have narrated to you on my Substack.

[comesitintheclover]

Six Sentence Sunday Monday 📚📜🖊️

Thank you so much for the tag @bookish-bogwitch! your chart is awesome!

I will remember to try that/ a similar thing if I keep having issues with this fic I'm writing (but I should at least try to slog through a first draft of my trouble chapters first - i just get so anxious that I will fuck up the funny-conflict and make it miserable or something when it's 'perfect' (but vague af) in my brain and has been that way for 4 years...).

And thank you everyone who has tagged me in the last months/year <3 @nausikaaa, @ileadacharmedlife, @monbons, @supercutedinosaurs, @brendughh, @rimeswithpurple, and anyone else if I missed you because my tumblr notifs won't go that far back 😭💗💞💖 I love you all! Thank you for including me in the community even when I haven't been writing for a while! It's been so inspiring seeing what you all have been up to and I've finally started writing again so yay!

My goal is to finish this fic I've been writing for four years (i've written what I'm estimating is 50k words freehand and am transcribing and editing them onto my laptop and I still need to write the other half ... hahahaha 😅. But I love it. ) called *The Long Summer*, within a month (the first draft at least, I'll come back and edit it at a later date. I want to post it on ao3 over a summer so hopefully I will be ready next summer! I need to write it while I still love it!), and then I want to write the first draft of an original story for a month or so/NaNoWriMo, and then I will pick one of my Carry On WIPs to work on (hopefully just in time to celebrate snowbaz's anniversary!)

(The Carry On WIPs in question: I'm thinking I will probably pick my soulmate au fic called Meet the Parents/When You're an Adult You'll Understand, or a trans au called Fraternity house, orrrrr this magical Agony-Aunt fic called Basilton Grimm-Pitch’s 10 Step Plan for Getting Over*(letting himself be in love with) Simon Snow ).

And I'm planning to interact more with wip-wednesdays and six-sentence-sundays from now on to keep me motivated and accountable! (hopefully this works, battling my motivation is like trying to wrestle a fish or something... i'm constantly at a loss with my brain - oh why won't I do things that I love and have time to do??)

....Oh and I want to make some Carry On animations.... (this is probably why I don't do things... Too ideas many and hard to pick. I tried to make a schedule last night that included everything I wanted to do in a day and it was 35 hours long... oops).

*The Long Summer* is a harry potter fic, and since I know all of you lovely people from Carry On, and I know lots of people avoid hp stuff for obvious reasons (JKR is wrong! Trans liberation now!), I will keep the rest of this under the cut <3

here are the first six sentences from my 💗beloved fic💗:

Ron Weasley wasn't an introspective soul. By the time something actually rolled around to happening he would probably have had twelve chances to predict it, if he was Hermione. He presumed something like this would never have happened to Hermione. Summers were probably a lot more quiet in the Muggle world, as an only child, with parents who weren’t - well Hermione was so smart she probably already knew, no there was really no reason to write to her. And Harry - well he didn't want to write to Harry about it either.  Honestly, it would probably be better if he never found out.

(I wrote these when I was 16 and they may need editing but that's for future me to worry about - rn I'm trying to push out a first draft as fast as possible...)

Thank you to anyone who read this far!

Hi!'s, tags, and hand-hearts to everybody 🫶 @stitchy-queerista, @umdiasujo, @carpeosculum, and open tag to anyone who wants to be tagged! <3

[tricky-pockets]

a while ago, I wrote a post that included this thought:

"So, my mom's a Gen X liberal (unions yes, socialism no) and very much A Feminist. Her perspective on feminism is very much centered around workplace equality. Independence and success, to her, is having a job - and that's inextricably bound up with her attitudes toward social justice.

What this amounted to, when I was growing up, was a LOT of "Women can do any job as well or better than men" and "You don't need a man around the house; get some power tools and do it yourself." Which, like, yeah."

The original post was about weird relationships to feminist spaces after coming out as a trans man. But after coming across the post again, it strikes me that there's something going on here with respect to disability too.

(don't get me wrong, I'm not at all criticizing the fight for workplace equality. that's fucking important.)

My mom was a diemaker. She dealt with a lot of men thinking she was less capable and having to prove herself in a way that men didn't. To her, that's a big part of how you claim the respect you deserve - by proving that you're capable. You work hard, you do better than the men, you don't complain, you don't show weakness. If your arm isn't strong enough, do not ask someone else to do the thing for you - use your brain and figure out a way to do it yourself. That's what she had to do, so that's what she did and I admire her strength.

But. If there's no room in that approach for disabled people, you sorta end up with "Claiming that you're unable to work as much as everyone else or that you need special accommodations... is letting sexism win." And sometimes "People who have a job and work very hard at it are the ones helping us win the fight, so only those people are deserving of respect." It's never stated that blatantly, but I've seen those attitudes manifest as baseline unspoken assumptions.

And like, what the hell do I even do with that. I want everyone to have a shot at a good life whether they're able to make money or not. I'm furious that my mom has had to grit her teeth through so much when she's literally fucking disabled and just works through the pain and prides herself on never calling off sick. I'm proud of her for fighting so hard to carve out an independent life for herself. I'm furious that she had to fight at all. I'm often ashamed that I'm not willing or able to endure what she's endured. It's a mess.

idk, someone help me pick at this.

[an-honest-puck]

Prompocalypse (Ep. 16) highlights and viewing notes because I don’t have the time to liveblog while watching but I do have thoughts that I will complete some other time lol

spoilers ahoy!!!

nothing like the power of a teen girl/tiefling's catty sarcasm to completely undermine a villain's monologue (shoutout to the d20 sound crew for the perfect music and timing on that one!!)

Gorgug learns about a new way of disarming people: kissing them

"Stop outing students!"

"I'M GAY NOW WOO"

Lou turning his adding-up-dice-humming into the first notes of 'Amazing Grace' that Zac immediately picks up on and starts swaying along

Brennan's gentle "yeah" when Siobhan admits to having a question that will be bad for the party, but also that she wants to play the game right

even more spoilery spoilers below!

Lou giving Siobhan a thumbs up after the above question

the fact that Goldenrod finds the need to justify to a bunch of teenagers that he's attacking this student because he's just an evil demon and not because said student is gay

Riz yelling "HOMOPHOBE!" at an honest-to-goodness dragon

"To be clear, I am very socially liberal; I am fiscally conservative!" + everyone's reaction to that (shoutout to Zac's very judgemental head tilt XD)

Brennan saying "I am a libertarian!" in Goldenrod's 'teacher' voice and then growling it again straight afterwards, as if Goldenrod just remembered he was a big-ass dragon XD

not Beardsley's "So convenient for you!" lmaoooo

Goldenrod: What? Everyone should be free to do what they want. I should be free to collect gold and destroy, and you should be free to try and run away! This is a cultured political philosophy!

Ally/Kristen: I'm down from hearing that [and not from his actual attack XD]

Brennan: *describing the gnarly metal music Gorgug's listening to*

Zac: *drops his dice*

"Ooh, beignets!"

the little grin on Brennan's face when he rolls the dice and then A WILD JAWBONE APPEARS!!!!!!!!!!

Jawbone hugs!!!!!! 😭

Jawbone: Y'understand me?

Adaine: No!

Jawbone's monologue about panic attacks which is too much to unpack here and is basically a whole post in and of itself

Brennan: *mentions Tracker*

Ally/Kristen: Tracker!

Jawbone: I CAME HERE TO FUCK SHIT UP and help children

"Jawbone rules! I'm so glad we helped get his life together"

Introducing, Jawbone: Not a Healer, but a healer of the mind and the soul uwu

Adaine (but mostly Siobhan lol): I would love to do an arcana check... on this absolute fucking unit

Adaine just double flipping off an honest-to-goodness dragon

Kalvaxus: Aren't you supposed to be some kind of high-falutin' elf?

Adaine: I'm a child. You are attacking a bunch of children, you coward.

Fig: Be careful, Adaine; he has a taste for the young ones

Adaine: I have a mental illness and that's fine!

Kalvaxus: Alright, let's not turn this into a fucking PSA after-school special bullshit

Emily's big brain idea to seal Kalvaxus to be the next lunchlad and promote Gilear to be the new VP

Lou's sick-of-Brennan's-shit "Is it [Kalvaxus's] turn?"

Kalvaxus, an honest-to-goodness dragon and the Emperor of the Red Waste: Teens are so mean!

Kristen, mockingly: "Stop making fun of me!"

Adaine: Yeah well at least we're not ugly!

Adaine's happy bobbing!!!!! :DD

"This medicine is great! :D"

Gorgug's Nat 20 (!!!) to summon GORTHOLAX!!!!!

"IT'S TIME TO SHRED, BABY!!!"

Penelope, dying: All I wanted to be- was queen :'((

Kristen: We know!!

Beardsley trying to figure out how to flip someone the middle finger when they only have 4 digits

Riz/Murph, despondent that he can't roll anything higher than a ten. Everyone else: "You can!"

"Should've gotten silver fillings, bitch!!"

"Man, when I grow up, I wanna be a guidance counsellor!" - Adaine

Fabian's "a-HA!"

the strangest bit of improv when the tables are turned and Siobhan makes Brennan improv something coming out of her character's Jacket of Useful Things ("I open up my Jacket of Useful Things and I say 'I need something that will beat Kalvaxus' and I put my hand in a pocket and I pull out...?) only for Brennan to pull out the whole goddamn lore for the jacket XD

Ally: Can I roll for a nat 20 and then be alive?

Brennan's famous last words: Uh, sure, go for it.

Ally/Kristen: This is to the corn god. I know I left for a while but-

[Brennan.exe has stopped functioning]

Brennan: *flabbergasted and now rapidly figuring out how the fuck to figure this out*

Riz/Murph: Praise be to Helio!!!

Fabian/Lou: He-li-o! He-li-o!

BONUS EPISODE UNLOCKED, BABYYYYYY

[fatestayyuri]

Finished Ward Arc 3

TL;DR: taking an indefinite hiatus you can all unfollow me now

okay so like. first things first; probably gonna take a break for my own sanity’s sake! not the Biggest fan of his writing and the fact that from everything i’ve heard it only gets worse from here Does Not Assure me. anyway,

tattletale is so fucking funny Victoria just shows up and goes “fuck youuuuuu” and blames her for the [????] that amy did (i still have no idea what amy did) and lisa’s just like. “yeah. whatever. stop being a cop idiot.” then fucks off and leaves. the thing about wildbow’s writing is that while lisa comes off as like. kind of an annoying (endearing) loser who feels the need to overexplain to literally everyone i’m pretty sure wildbow intended her as his take on a Holmes-like all-knowing smart person? that’s honestly way funnier than any of his jokes tbh

the thing about arc 3 is that it’s not particularly objectionable enough to be a fun hateread and the annoying bits are subtle enough and caked in enough to the character moments that it just kind of blends into a big slog. Tristan and the other one’s dynamic reads INCREDIBLY gauche and all of the other stuff i’ve seen as part of the book club don’t lead me to read it kindly. i think that’s the problem actually by reading it all at once as a group we’ve been inundated with so much Wildbow moments so quickly that i kind of stopped reading it “with love” as it were; I kind of just see the artifice of a deeply copbrained liberal sockpuppeting characters and getting them to compliment his writing.

I think a large part of this is that i don’t actually particularly like superhero settings wait no actually i just remember that like my #2 favourite web serial is a superhero one i think i just hate wildbow’s writing i think

yeah it’s like, i don’t think wildbow should write fight scenes they kind of suck. Victoria “flying brick / cop Dallon doesn’t really have an interesting enough skillset to carry 2 million words of fights around. sorry. all of it tends to boil down to “punch really hard physically or emotionally” and i’m Bored. even the fight scenes as metaphor for emotional moments is Boring. it doesn’t do enough.

and like, i can’t actually take the [whatever untitled group] thing seriously since i got spoiled that Tristan is gay and the other one is straight so like. this just comes off as blaringly homophobic in the “what if the world was made out of pudding” sense. fuck off

yeah it’s really really hard to justify continuing to read this, when i am told that it only gets worse from here. like, genuinely wondering why i should spend that time when instead i could finish reading good serials, or the VNs on my backlog, or do literally anything else

sorry Certified Wardheads (all three of you) but like. indefinite hiatus for my mental health this shit sands away at my brain. i could probably say more but like, unlike the other stuff i’ve subjected myself to (Tsukihime) i’m not even promised something like, Good good in spite of all the forks. there’s other stories where you just have to do jury duty for 40 hours instead of eating forks for the sphagetti. i have a newfound appreciation for VNs that are just boring before they get good now

[tacky-optic]

OK so i've been in this fandom for well over a year now (since the end of october, ew) and zenigata is still my favorite. so after all this time, i'm finally slapping down some of my thoughts about the version of the loud angry rectangle that runs around in my brain and this nightmare of a franchise in general. as a new year treat.

most of these have actually been in my notes since february or march, made as semi-sporadic thoughts while i trudged through the series. i wonder if it's obvious what installment i was watching/had in mind for each of these, lol. anyway i found these at the bottom of my lupin notes folder back in october, plopped them here, then forgot about them again, oops.

but they're here now! at the very end of 2023! under the cut! you can even read them, if you want!

zenigata is selfish. there is a genuine drive to help people and do what's right, but pursuing lupin specifically? 100% an ego thing. zenigata pursues lupin (the world's greatest criminal) because he feels like he's obligated to (as the greatest cop (and not that he necessarily thinks this about himself presently, but subconsciously)). it stopped purely being 'the right thing to do' after the amount of chases hit double digits -- probably even earlier than that.

so what does he really want to achieve here? who knows, because he sure as hell doesn't lololol.

but seriously tho. it's probably simple human connection. or acknowledgement. he's always operated on a different level from everyone else, likely to the point of boredom and/or unfulfillment, so once he comes across someone that might operate on a level higher than him, of course he gets obsessed. game recognizes game and it's liberating.

he's most likely used to "it's only a matter of time" and not much else, so i bet the realization that "it's gonna be tough to catch this guy, isn't it?" was exhilarating because he NEVER had to think that before. and honestly, good for him. he seemed to have been a different sort of miserable before, but at least this new version allows for some bouts of genuine enjoyment.

he had to have said "because i'm the only one who can" at LEAST once, right? which is true! he is the only one who can. that's why lupin keeps him around. zenigata is the single legitimate threat that lupin hadn't managed to get rid of/ sway to his side and that amuses him to no end. he really likes that stubborn old man. he's great.

it's obvious that his skills would be far more useful and impactful on literally any other criminal case, yet he ACTIVELY CHOOSES to allocate his time to chasing after someone who simply can't be caught. and what's even worse is that he IS the only person who can catch him, maybe even end it all for good, but it's reached a point where he simply doesn't WANT to, solely because the chase is THAT entertaining/enriching/compelling to him. calling it a compulsion is great, actually. he's obsessed, doomed by the narrative, consumed by his ideals, etc. etc, and he's completely trapped by cartoon logic. i doubt he knows anything else.

the dark infatuation is great and all, don't get me wrong, but i really enjoy those bouts where he kinda just exists. he's living his best life, candidly enjoying what's going on around him or the (comparatively) simpler aspects of his job, and all that stuff up top becomes irrelevant, at least for a little while. i don't think he's wholly doomed, per se, just that we won't be seeing an "after" for him in any official capacity. because again, cartoon logic. he's got a role to fill, even if it's an objectively shit one -- but he makes do, and the fact that he is allowed to do other things is enough for me.

y'know, in hindsight, i think the live-action show impacted how i view this guy the most. i really do believe he doesn't have to be defined by his role in lupin's story. at heart he's a chaser, a dreamer. he keeps trying, over and over, and despite everything, he hopes. if he was none of those things he wouldn't even be after lupin in the first place, or lupin would never recognize him as his true rival.

....maybe i'll actually manage to finish some of the wips i have about all that stuff one of these days, lol.

as far as other media goes: parts 1, 2 and 4, tokyo crisis, ep 0: first contact, g vs r, and fuma are all pretty high up there, too. maybe a smidge of koike if i'm feeling particularly angsty, but until zeni's title movie comes out i wouldn't put too much weight on that one.

i'd be remiss to talk about the guy's most popular pairing, right? i mean, i gotta. it's lowkey kinda wild how luzeni never fascinated me to a point where i'd feel compelled to write or draw much of anything for them. they're like, all the worst aspects of fujilup/jiglup smashed together lmao. THAT'S INSANE, THEY'RE INSANE TOGETHER AND IT'S SO GOOD. but nah, jigzeni. we'll, uh.... we'll leave that for later.

my guess is it's because the fandom satiated any itch for luzeni that would've been there otherwise, like, right off the bat. the fics alone are so incredible to me and have greatly impacted how i see zeni in their own right. i should really re-read some of them. and maybe you should too, so--

LIST JUMPSCARE!! i read all of these (and more!!) this year!! and yes, they all involve zenigata!! i don't half-ass this obsession, just like zeni lmao. just be mindful of ratings and tags, ofc. explicits are red but the rest is reader's discretion. and if by the incredibly slim chance any of the writers of these see this, thank you for sharing your works, they're really friggin cool B)

Knave of Diamonds/Thoughts May Dim/Under Your Hat

In The Margins Of Another Life

Sunrise, Sunset

Judo in the Schwarzwald

unsaid/lucky strike/cold hands

The Language of Flowers

With Enemies Like These/All Along The Watchtower/Fair Game

Friends Don't Let Friends Diss The Chef

Fates Entwined

The Many Deaths of Kōichi Zenigata

mean luzeni series/Secondhand Vanity

Disreputable Company

Smother Your Sorrow

Kintsugi/how to hit on Zenigata and not actually hit him

pour déplacer un autre/My Dear Icarus

Fifty-Two, No Longer Counting

Smoke and Moonlight/Off the Record

this doesn't even scratch the surface, hah. i think i might like to read but i can't be entirely sure.

my favorite part of this fandom is probably how moldable all of the characters are; you can pick and choose from so many different types of media and sculpt the finer details however you want, but at their cores the character's fundamentals still shine through. it's how we get those fics and fanarts and even text posts like these going on about headcanons. this cast feels like people that've taken on lives of their own outside of their (frankly problematic) source material and that's super neat.

so at the end of the day, there really is no definitive version of zenigata, or any of the others for that matter; just a handful of constants. all of those bits and pieces from up top are a part of my zeni, in one way or another -- but i like a dozen other zenigatas too, even ones that might go against those points. he's definitely been my favorite for a straight year for a reason. maybe one of these days i'll figure out how to actually finish a story all on my lonesome and you'll be able to see my version of him in action ;)

so that's that, i guess. here's to another year.... and hopefully more lupin content, lol. i might not trust tms but i trust the fandom. it's a small but strong and good one and i'm glad to be part of it, even if it isn't in the most active capacity.

anyway pls keep drawing zeni like twice the size of everyone else lmao. tms are cowards for giving him stick arms like lupin >:((

[ckret2]

Here, have another post about my headcanoned human Bill Cipher!

I promised to answer the second half of @dykefnctl's question—

also, like, wtf does stan and ford think? i'm invested.

—but I just got a separate ask about Ford, so I'll talk about Ford in that one and focus on Stan here.

So: Stanley versus human Bill!

Of all the Pines, Stan had the least to do with Bill throughout the entire show; at best, he would have seen this triangle guy come up a few times in Ford's journals and once Ford came back maybe he would have personally warned Stan to watch out for a fast-talking magic triangle. (Although considering how long it took Ford to open up to Dipper, whom he was on much better terms with, the odds that he'd have said anything to Stan are still pretty low.) So to Stan, Bill's just some weird triangle freak who came outta nowhere to mess up Gravity Falls, personally threatened his whole family, and forced Stan to sacrifice his brain to get rid of him.

So when the freak comes back, Stan's ready to shoot first and figure out how to hide the body later.

"Maybe Bill's possessing a normal human and you'd be murdering an innocent" doesn't dissuade him; he'll kill a single stranger if he has to, he's not taking any chances when his family's safety is on the line. (Also the world's safety, but he's more concerned about his family.) What DOES dissuade him is "maybe being trapped in a human body is the only thing keeping Bill's reality-altering powers in check." Stan doesn't know much about how this stuff works, but he's already seen Bill shed one body to hop into someone else's head, and he doesn't wanna restart Weirdmageddon.

He's still somewhat skeptical—"if killing this body would make him a god again, how come he hasn't jumped off a cliff?"—but even if Bill wouldn't regain all his powers if he was "freed," there's still a chance he could just go possess someone new and come back, right? And Stan might be willing to kill ONE innocent to protect his family, but he doesn't relish the idea of killing a whole string of innocents being puppeted by Bill. Or risking that the next innocent is somebody he knows.

So he'd rather keep Bill right where he is: inside his current body, and somewhere close by where Stan can keep an eye on him. For now. Until they can find a way to kill him for good. If the memory gun couldn't do it, maybe Poindexter and Old Man McGucket can whip up something that can.

Bill, meanwhile, is perfectly willing to let Stan and everyone else keep believing that killing his body will unleash him again—when the truth is, he himself doesn't know what would happen, but he suspects that might just kill him for good. Or else shuffle his humanized ghost into humanity's afterlife system, which he doesn't much relish either. It's not too long before Stan starts to suspect that Bill's willingness to put up with makeshift imprisonment in the Mystery Shack, rather than smash his own head in and escape, means that he can't just hop over to a new body... or, at least, he doesn't know whether he can. So they're at a stalemate: neither Bill nor Stan knows whether killing his body would liberate him or destroy him, and as long as they don't know, neither is willing to risk the consequences if it doesn't go their way. But both of them really want to find out—while not wanting the other to find out.

So for now, they mostly just glare at each other, and sometimes Bill grumbles about Stan's cooking.

Once they've been around each other long enough that the white-hot rage Stan feels at the sound of his stupid whiny voice starts to cool down, Stan starts to suss out that Bill is, in fact, a lot like himself. That is, a fast-talking stone-hearted con artist who's probably served time in multiple jurisdictions and whose "friends" are more likely fairweather partners in crime. Stan can grudgingly respect that. Being in the Shack means Bill inevitably comes in contact with a few customers, and the guy can make up a whopper of a tall tale at the drop of a hat and sell anything you put in front of him—Stan respects that, too. All these little similarities also make Stan start to suspect that Bill's like him in other ways: that maybe his stone heart has a mushy center that gets very, very lonely without his family, whatever and wherever they are.

But Bill's still the creep who tried to murder Stan's whole family and planet. Who cares if under his weird alien trappings he has relatable problems! It's not gonna make Stan go soft on him or whatever.

(Stan's slowly going soft on him. It's hard to keep feeling threatened by a depressed clumsy loser who thinks depth perception is a curse and lets Mabel paint glitter on his face.)

[batsplat]

I love your brain! like yes of course valentino should be a princess! (and a witch, who curses ppl) and the malicious story teller stuff!!!

*insert that photo where mick doohan is putting a crown on valentino, but make it a tiara instead*

also, the bike transforming into a blue haired anime girl in his dreams I feel like irl valentino would endorse this afdggjk

(x) somehow this is probably the cinematic vision that is most likely to get made. we already know he's into surrealist animation that's based on himself so it's like. not that much of a step. lemme sit him down and explain utena to him I wanna see something

for reference, the doohan/valentino photo

icl, in my head I remembered the crown already looking more like a tiara. like I'd lezzed up that crown in my head, made it a little daintier. that's actually a pretty normal crown. I mean, it's still objectively a bit of an odd photo to exist. but yeah. to me this is basically already princess-coded. shame his honda prince just couldn't treat him right

it's funny because he's such an absolute weirdo about this stuff that a lot of this bike characterisation is basically already... well, it's already true in his own head, isn't it. like how he'd hesitated over saying yes to yamaha because he was so attached to like... the honda not Because It Was A Good Bike but because it was one of his true loves or something

"I took pictures of myself hugging and embracing the rc211v" FREAK

and how the whole process of signing with yamaha was like. about liberation. but so hard to give up his girl and show up for this completely different girl who's likely to be mid for a while

like!! he really goes all in on the liberation stuff, but it's also.... he really saw something in that yamaha when nobody else did. it's a bit horse girl of him, but also for our purposes here the bike is spiritually very much the prince to swoop in and save him from his mental shackles. can the horse save the horse girl, that's what happened here

anyway, something about how... a lot of the scaffolding of utena's plot depends on kinda bizarre and straight up silly mythology that anthy and akio are quite directly responsible for... the duels, obviously, akio using his projector thingy, the letters from end of the world... to the point where it almost serves a disorientating effect, where the characters are increasingly immune to how nonsensical and weird everything is and stop even commenting on it. unless they get a shock to the system like nanami accidentally seeing anthy and akio................ uh. you know. and then there's something quite fun and engaging about valentino kinda,, brute forcing his vision on the sport - where increasingly a lot of the insanity involving him has become completely accepted to the point of being accepted, and everyone else is operating within his rules. the celebrations is an obvious totem for that general influence.... just something quite fun to hearing commentators speculating what he's trying to tell the world when he's dressing up as a prisoner or whatever, like they're actively engaged in this insanity valentino has set up. but it's also kinda about the legacy element, where you end up having the melandris and jorges of this world following in his footsteps and planning their own celebrations... nobody ever did it quite as much as valentino did, but even stuff like marc's title-winning celebrations, the dice or snooker table or whatever, are part of the same tradition. I had this moment watching maverick dress up as batman this year where I was like 'huh this would be a completely bizarre event if I were watching tennis or f1 or whatever but I suppose we do just completely accept it as basically normal behaviour'. and because for valentino, celebrations are such a big element of narrativisation of his victories, of explaining The Meaning of his victories, of telling the story of a win and his career... he's kinda ensured this sport as a whole ends up being super into exactly that style of narrativisation. all on the same wavelength in how bizarrely dramatic they are. is this not basically utena, artificiality of the narratives and all.... well, not really, but it is a little bit imo. valentino probably could've gotten a pre-race sequence where he challenges riders to duels introduced if he really put his mind to it

I was also thinking some more about the imagery he's big on, most notably all the sun and moon stuff (from here)

angry moon and angry sun!! so which one's supposed to be the happy-go-lucky one

you get the occasional grinning moon:

I would think it's fun and quirky and a bit of a subversion if the moon is actually like. the happy bit. and the sun is the competitive nature. even discussing this is all kinda funny, like how many athletes are this into inventing their whole little symbolic language you can theorise about? I'm engaging with this sport in the same way how utena, by the time she's like fifteen episodes in, doesn't even question how it's possible that black flowers can mind control students. these things are basically equivalent

anyhow I do miss the faces on the sun and the moon, they were a very early valentino aesthetic. and crucially it does fit into the reading of 2004 that's really about him... integrating those two natures. as I've repeatedly yapped about by now, there are no celebrations that can quite match the pointed cruelty of sepang 2004. sun and moon meet each other, destroying his enemy in whimsical fashion. so: with all this dualism valentino himself has introduced into the story, with all this symbolic stuff he was throwing at the wall in 2003, he's basically created the narrative himself wherein his prince (the m1) can swoop in and liberate the princess (vale) and allow the prince to revolutionise the world (idk self actualise ig) by integrating the sun and the moon or... or something. and becoming a witch is depicted as being pushed over the edge by a moment of crisis obsessed with achieving a singular goal... well, that's qatar, isn't it. devoted to his m1, has a crisis about coming close to losing the title, does a curse, plans a little sadistic celebration to ritually manifest his curse into existence. and also the bike is a hot anime girl prince he can do witchcraft with. valentino hmu I have a proposal for you

[winotheredmage]

Introduction

It's now the start of Pride, the co-opted commercial celebratory period where corporations pretend they care about the queer community as more than a consumer base for A Whole Month(Thirty Days, Seven-Hundred-Twenty Hours). Company's vague impressions of solidarity is never as staunch as what's shown on the ground, by the ones living radically as themselves. I had the good fortune to see that solidarity in action today when a sizable majority of folks who attended the local dyke march migrated over to a protest for Palestinian liberation, bringing the march with them and melding numbers. Some might scoff at the notion that both struggles are linked; but as queer Palestinians bravely fight against genocide and colonial-settler violence, their rights as queer people encompass all queer people's rights: This should go without saying.

Like a river joining another, the flow and energy between the two demonstrations were strikingly similar; The air felt fearless, nurturing, exciting, and gay as all get-out. Flowing through the streets, the sound of hundred-fold footsteps was rain coming to nourish the flora of change. We shouted "dykes against genocide", "queers for Palestine", "burn israel to the ground", and there was birdsong echoing like thunder, roaring and comfortably close. There were plenty who stood by on the sidewalks, offering cheers of support, going about their day, or recording the procession with anywhere from a smile to a sinister smirk on their face. Looking at the occasional dissenters from the sidelines, it made me want to scream just a little louder. In those moments, I thought that standing on the sidelines and sitting idly by for such an issue was the last thing I want to do.

Social anxiety is a mess to deal with, and for me, more often then not, it's debilitating. Could nary get a word out at either march and stayed by my lonesome while everyone was conversing and connecting. Whether it was getting hung up on future anxieties, lingering imposter syndrome, or maybe just nothing, I found myself feeling alienated surrounded by my own peers. There were so many people I wanted to meet, so many things to talk about, so much joy to share; Yet no matter the path I went down, its destination was me feeling unworthy one way or another. There are many days where I feel this is a struggle impossible to overcome.

On those days, I look at all the other pieces, the shiny broken ones we all keep polishing: For me, they're the scripted youtube videos I never filmed, songs in storage I never released, friends who are lost in forests of notifications I never replied to. Clearly in my perspective is the enormity of the life I don't live, but want to live, should be living. When puberty, intrusive thought, and chronic pain already saps your energy and ability daily, it feels unbearable to do anything else. There's no stopping the thought that its also exacerbated by the overlapping scaffolding of oppression in place, leaving the issue feeling like a decidedly hopeless one. I think maybe there's something about a fig tree that goes here too???

There was something else I saw during the marches; Signs brought by protesters with quotes and passages from writers the world over. From prose to lyric, from poem to passage, more than ever did I see the work of writers, poets, and wordsmiths of all kinds from the revolutionaries attending. All of it left me feeling like there was something that needed to change, some inner bud in my brain about to burst and sprout. One can easily be lost in the pursuit of perfection, especially concerning artistry near and dear to one's self, and I felt like I may have been wandering for much too long. My position, however frayed and fraught, is still a privileged one that can, and must, be used for good. Many need to speak, and many need a voice, and many need to scream, many are screaming. It's about time I screamed a little louder; No more do I stand recording on the sidewalk of my life. To be on the sidelines when faced with a reality like this is the last thing I want to do.

(tl;dr I went to a dyke march/protest for palestine today; Poor social skills, anxiety over the future, and lingering depression left me feeling isolated and without purpose. There was, and is, so much experience I want to relay, so much to say; Often the aftershocks of those experiences left me unable to say it. Seeing quotes from writers on the boards of protesters inspired me to write properly about my experience, because I owe it to so many to not stay silent.)

[strykingback]

EVENT: Rescue Mission Phase Two Part 3. The Cybernetic Demon

Warning this drabble will contain vomitting, Reader Discretion is advised.

________________________________________

OST: Realization

The strike team stood outside of the base watching over every individual as they were being checked out by the medical team with reinforcements arriving as well. Made even worse by the fact that some of the brains that were found needed to be cartwheeled out carefully onto cargo ships. Some of them containing Zek's friends that he made when he was younger.

"I cant believe this. Why would someone go as far as to literally harvest the brains of innocent people who had done nothing wrong?" Eros said holding his helmet looking at the waves of civilians being treated for their injuries, any side-effects of the experimentation, and furthermore.

"Made worse by the fact that we we're planning to set charges and get rid of any evidence related with Project Immortalis... but the good news is that the successful serum was replicated when those scientists came to....all that now matters is if the mark we're chasing has it injected into himself..." Leonidas said, with Eros nodding. "Add salt to the injury mate, because most of those people were either Zek's own allies from before he joined up with us." He continued.

"Still.. it gladdens me to see that command had also sent Merlinda and Twilight here to help. Add that with Krieg and we should create an alternate version of Immortalis that should easily take out our foe.... the only problem is that we have a long way to go." Guangxian said, which the trio noticed Hermes, Krieg, Twilight, and Zek would walk towards them.

"Hows everything with your mum, Zek? All-clear? No side effects?" Eros asked.

"Ms. Atya is doing incredibly well, so far as per the disturbing videos that Guangxian had to send me which resulted in five days loss of beauty sleep. She has no signs of the aforementioned side-effects as I theorized which would happen. Albeit something else was wrong but its quite major.." Merlinda said, with Zek moving back to the trio to listen to what the professionals had else to say.

"What I noticed through my semblance was that her genetic cells were breaking down much slower than originally expected through a lifetime of faunus' or humans. After I took a blood sample and observed the sample... her blood was showing signs of symbiosis with Project Immortalis.. meaning one thing. Her body is aging slowly and any damage she may take might heal up rapidly... but I assume it is with a certain amount of dosages of it..... that Ms. Atya would have became psuedo immortal....." Twilight said.

"An Immortal Army . . . ." Eros said with awe, thinking for a minute. "And Ace how about him? Will he be able to pilot the Liberation still?" He asked while Krieg and Hermes looked at Eros.

"Ace is sadly suffering from some effects from Fusion Poisoning which thankfully the medical teams got to him in time to administer the antidote. As for the Liberation... it is currently being repaired... if Ace does come to he'll be using the Atelius' Railgun cannon in order to fire at any large targets should the time come.....

"As for me and Krieg we may have to remain here in order to help with ensuring that none of the civilians are suffering from the side-effects of Project Immortalis... sorry. at this point you may be the final four or five if Ace gets back up." Hermes said putting his hands behind his back.

"It' aint gonna be easy. But I do like a challenge...." Eros would say. "Alright. We'll leave things to you. Everyone else lets get back to work." He said putting on his helmet and thus him, Zek, Guangxian, and Leonidas would re-enter the base... of the Solitas Liberation LLC.

Back inside the base..

The small strike team led by Eros would move through the enemy base carefully keeping their wits about and their minds focused on the endgame at hand. As they all entered an elevator with just nothing more but calming music playing....

Finally... a voice would come through.

"Well Well! Gentlemen! I do must say so myself.. I congratulate you for catching us offguard like that...! Really, it takes a lot to do that ever since the last time... Mr. Sunna-Simo....." A voice would say with a southern accent added to it.

"Blyat.... I thought they would forget about that... guess they didnt." Zek said softly.

"After all, that time we were just about to complete our plans and even not harm those civvies. But after that.... we had to improvise on some things especially after losing our funding because of that Blizzard Sniper incident. I knew you had a killer instinct Zekkie-boy. However, turns out that killer instinct was focused on us instead of the enemies when we hired you..." The voice continued.

"When I get my hands on you, I'm going to make sure those bones of yours will be broken!!!!" Leonidas growled.

"Broken? Hahaha... After all, I think I can't call myself human anymore.Why not enter the main room and lets all talk face to face! Mano A Mano! Enemy of My Enemy is my friend!" The voice continued with the elevator ringing with the doors opening up as everyone walked through noticing the large cylinder towers.... with little blue rings of light.

"Those things can't be holding brains right?" Eros said with a light glare...

"I thought the room upstairs had all the brains there...."

"WRONG! All those towers are holdin' nice, juicy, flesh-meat brains!!!!" The southern voice spoke once more with everyone pointing their weapons at the railing in front of them as heavy footsteps were leading straight to them...with a large man wearing an equally large trenchcoat as he opened up one of tower lights with him picking up a brain as it trilled and twitched in terror.

"I definitely must say..... the alternative program to Project Immortalis... is effective!!!"

COMMANDER OF CLANDESTINE OPERATIONS ________________________________________ BARBATOS

"Alternative program? I know for a fact you just committed a huge human and faunus rights violation crime. I'm certain the Grand Council of Remnant would love to slam dunk you into the death penalty!" Eros said keeping Pequod and Ishmael on the burly man.

"You just aint gettin' it arent ya? Yeah, the brains are being put underneath active combat situations, but at the same time.... they are also being brainwashed as well into becoming perfect soldiers that will listen to the people in command aka. The successorts who managed to survive and thrive with Immortalis!!!" Barbatos continued with an evil grin on his face.

"You're telling me if my mother did not survive she would have been turned into a soldier!!!" Zek growled.

"After all.... I was the one who killed your first mama! And then beat the other one down! Trust me... her screams were sublime!!!!" He continued placing the brain back in its pod with an evil grin on his face making Zek point Hayha directly at Barbatos head and fired. With the man simply stepping to the side in a flash. "Not here... can't damage the goods now. I'll lead you boys to my office.... we can talk there!!!" He said turning around and walking away which everyone else didnt wait... they followed... into a room of stairs leading to another part of the building where Barbatos stood in a large room without his trenchcoat on turning around revealing his mechanical body

"Welcome gentlemen!! To your deaths! Cause after I'm done with you.... Imma slaughter all those civilians...and make sure they all get turned into perfect soldiers!!!!" He shouted pulling out his heavy machine gun. "Cause guess what." He said with his visor activating on his mouth and face.

OST: Cybernetic Destruction

"I'm going to tear off the flesh from all of your bodies and turn into perfect cyborgs like me..." He said with a menacing voice as he aimed for Zek first as he started firing with everyone scrambling around for cover. While Eros would shoot at him to get his attention.

"Then. I'm sending you back to the scrap heap then!" Eros shouted shooting at him to which Barbatos turned his attention toEros and began to shoot at him which the commander would throw a grenade at him while Leonidas used his 300, Interchangable plasma rifle in its grenade launcher state to further faze the cyborg with both making contact and exploding...

"Damn.... that was somethin.... my turn." He said with a glow being emitted from his back while Leonidas and Eros prepared themselves but in a blink, Barbatos was already in front of them both and swung both his fists at their guts hitting them and making them both cough in pain as they both keeled over.

"Bloody... hell....what...was that..." Eros said taking off his helmet to vomit, while Leonidas kept his on to and looked up at Barbatos who was chuckling at his work. "Why dont you live long enough to find out and-" Barbatos spoke noticing his HUD was showing up with an attempted hacking symbol on it as he turned around to look at Guangxian who was busy hacking into his systems. "Nice try..." He said initiating the counter measures and locking him out.

"What!?!" Guangxian said before his signaler popped making the hacker stumble a bit with the same thing happening to him..getting flash stepped and knocked out by the cyborg.

With the Cyborg ready to revel in his possible victory he looked around for Zek who in fact was just a slight distraction... which the sniper threw his knife... as Barbatos knocked it away. And right before he was going to do a fusion rush. Bang.....

His the light was emitted from his back was destroyed by a well placed grenade launched shot from Leonidas. Who stood up and roared charging at the Cyborg swinging a kinetic punch making him stumble with a groan from the charged semblance, then came Eros who stood up in time throwing his plasma knife at the rocket launcher, the Guangxian quickly came to and started hacking again... this time managing to counterhack Barbatos counter hacking measures...

And finally Zek would slide in to snipe the head of Barbatos off ... as the Cyborg fell down.... dead...

"Thats... for making me vomit... arsehole..."

"Actually... wasnt this fight meant to be a bit longer...? "

"The writer of this has things to do tomorrow, plus it was a holiday today." Guangxian said. while Leonidas facepalmed.

"Lets get back on track people. We aren't out of the woods just yet. " Leonidas would say with the speakers coming to life.

"I didnt think Brumel of all things would send a strike force to interrupt my plans!"

[kinglarrykoopadx]

Alright, let's talk about Project Moon.

Just to clarify, this does not mean I'm going back to regularly posting stuff here, particularly cause I've had some relatively bad experiences with this website alongside the fact that some of the stuff I've typed here makes present me wretch too much to consider going. However, just this once I'm getting my ass off the bed to share my thoughts on the Project Moon controversy since it involves one of the games I've been playing a lot recently, Limbus Company.

For those unaware of the Project Moon controversy that's been going on here, allow me to explain. During early July 2023, PM released the obligatory summer event that by this point is expected for all gachas. Now because we humans are genetically bred and designed to flush our brains down a drain at the sight of even a single nuance of rational thought, incels got super p'd off that Ishmael was wearing a skintight suit instead of swimwear for the obligatory gacha beach episode event, seeing it as an expression of "radical feminism" of some kind. There's also the fact that the CG artist behind Beach Episode Ishmael's design made some feminist remarks in the past on social media which was apparently sufficient enough "evidence" for the incels to go on a crusade of degeneracy in order to liberate fans of Limbus under the guidance of their lord and savior "Incel Christ".

The crusade I was referring to pretty much boils down to spreading negative misinformation on the Limbus subreddit, review bombing the game to hell and back, and even threatening violence against Project Moon's staff. The main goal? Have the artist behind the Ishmael censorship, VelleMori, be fired. And of course, in an unfortunate turn of events, Project Moon complied to the misogynists and fired VelleMori. While this probably satisfied the incels everyone else is now out for PMoon's blood since the struggle for gender equality in Korea (where PM is based in) is pretty vicious. It also doesn't help that a similar incident occured in 2016, in which a female Korean VA was fired because of a similar set of circumstances. Because of this, fans lost whatever remaining faith they had in PM and boycotted the devs, discouraging people to continue supporting PM and presumably moving on and trying to disassociate themselves with anything PM related in the future.

I'm not gonna lie. At first I was pretty miffed with PM as well for bowing to the incels. Hell, I even deleted Limbus yesterday just to give em the bird, however, after a good night's rest to help calm my anger over the situation, I realize that I'm putting way too much of the blame on PM. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to morally grandstand on behalf of PM or anything, what they did was indeed wrong as hell, but when you take the time to revise the situation, you can somewhat understand PM's decision, even if out of the two options they were given they'd picked the morally questionable one.

I say this because with this controversy, PM was pretty much fighting a losing battle right from the start. Even if they didn't cave in to the misogynists' demands, stood their ground and refused to fire VelleMori, they'd still have to worry about the prospect of the incels barging right through their front door and massacring the other innocent programmers and artists within the company, practically putting the lives of tens at an unwarranted stake, even if these incels probably have the physique level of your average Mario boss, which probably makes them kinda pathetic but I'm getting a bit sidetracked here so let's get back to the main subject at hand.

Now, as I said before, I don't claim to be on the moral high ground. I'm not sure this entire rant is 100% factually correct, I'm not trying to deny the fact that Project Moon didn't do an oopsie and I'm not well-versed enough in Korean laws and cultural background to back up the legitimacy of what I've said before and what I'm about to say. I honestly believe that there is some truth to PM firing VelleMori as a defensive act. The message is definitely there, it's just that the domestic cultural background and an incident of similar nature from 7 years ago ended up distorting the message into an entirely opposite meaning instead. From what I've heard, up until the start of all this shit PM isn't an inherently malicious company and seems to put in a lot of love and care into their games with Limbus being one of the shining examples of that so I don't really think PM is actually saying that they fired VelleMori as a defensive act just to save their bacon, particularly since they've clearly shown multiple times over that they genuinely care about the fans and put heart and soul into each one of their works.

Truth be told I really hope that this controversy doesn't end up leading PM onto a darker path that most businesses in the gaming industry wander into.

In short, while PM definitely deserves some of the blame, it should also be noted that the incels that started this whole clusterfuck in the first place deserves more of the blame. A LOT MORE OF THE BLAME. To those cyberstalking incels that remorselessly dug the grave that PM's reputation now resides in, I do hope you're proud of yourselves. Pray to the lord almighty that we never cross paths, cause the very moment you're locked within my line of sight, rest assured, I won't hesitate to give you a one way trip back to the stone age, and trust me, THERE WILL BE NO TIME MACHINE THAT CAN RECOVER WHAT YOU'VE LOST. AND EVEN IF THERE WAS, well, a little bit of SUPER SMASH BROS. might be able to resolve that problem juuuust FINE.

(I'm deeply apologetic over my use of violent language, especially with some of the implications of the last paragraph, it's just that this whole controversy has got me peeved in more ways than one can imagine. Unless you're one of the incels behind the scandal. In which case I do not owe you any apologies.)

[nehswritesstuffs]

Father Like Son, Mother Like Daughter, Parent Like Child - Part 1 of 4

Yeah... this has been happening in my brain. A good chunk of it’s done... so... let’s get this going, I guess.

6901 words to start; I’ve been getting deep in the niche multishipper rabbit hole lately, hence this; I’VE SHIPPED ON LESS, SO NO SHAME HERE; I did snag a couple lines from the manga; I know the Westermarck Effect usually involves younger children, but work with me okay?; also, let’s please pretend that Rosinante is, like, two and a half to three feet (~76 to ~91cm) shorter than in canon because yowzah Oda-sensei why are all these people so tall I’m not even short and it feels like they are TALL; this fic shall also contain copious amounts of the kids in this relationship, because it’s important, so apologies for this not being straight-up only Bellazón

To stare down the world at sixteen and seventeen, it means that there are many things that don’t make a whole lot of sense. To offer up one's heart is a terrible thing. To change the course of events with something so small... it's a lot of responsibility to make sure it still goes right. [AU where Cora-san and Bell-mère live with their six kids in the East Blue and everyone is better-adjusted]

To stare down the world at sixteen and seventeen, it means that there are many things that don’t make a whole lot of sense. You look at the way the world works and all you can see are inconsistencies and contradictions. Sometimes there is a path, and sometimes there is only darkness ahead; a wild, unknown, nebulous dream that consumes all thoughts of the future. The adults all know, except most of them really don’t, because they can’t see what you can. Their eyes have all been molded to someone else’s vision and that is something not yet done in you. As peers get sucked into the lies and complacency, it is only natural for those who are left to gravitate towards one another. Numbers dwindle, and suddenly, the only other survivor is staring at you from across the mess hall, eyes burning into your soul.

To steel yourselves at sixteen and seventeen, it means you have secret meetings, with hushed whispers and rushed departures. Awkward limbs and trembling hands; wrinkled uniforms and mussed hair; shared forbidden cigarettes and separate lonely assignments; carefully avoiding evidence and yet somehow achieving intimacy; it’s a bond that holds you both tight like nothing either of you have experienced before.

To be fully-vested soldiers at sixteen and seventeen, it means that you know each time could be your last, so why do anything else but make things passionate and strong and tender all the while? With the only one still sane in the entire base?

To love someone else at sixteen and seventeen is dangerous, and you don’t know for whom until it’s too late.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

“Belle, please.”

“No.”

“You don’t realize what the fuck you’re doing…!”

“…is that a threat, Lieutenant?”

“…never…”

“My answer is the same regardless. I don’t care what you, or Sengoku, or Tsuru, or Kuzan, or any of those obedient paper-pushers have to say! I refuse!”

In another room, a baby cries.

“Belle, I beg you. Please. Consider it.”

“There is a strength here that you don’t understand, Rosi. Until you’re in my position, I doubt you ever will.”

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

To offer up one’s heart is a terrible thing.

To leave it behind, in the embrace of the last person who understood, was dangerous and painful.

To realize you had more love to give after all that… simply liberating.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Law beat on the lid of the chest, attempting to kick it open with little success. He screamed despite the lack of noise, his throat ragged. Damn it! The rest of the Family was right there and there was nothing he could do!

“He has nothing to gain from you, the Incarnation of Destruction,” Cora snarled, unseen by the young teen.

Cora-san! No!

“Just let him go! He is free!”

All the breath left Law’s lungs as he heard gunshots ring through the air. Something heavy and solid hit the chest and the thick, metallic stench of blood filled the air.

“Alright,” Doflamingo said coolly, “let’s move out. Leave the traitor—he’s as good as dead.”

With his former boss’s words hanging heavy over him, Law curled into a ball best he could within the chest and began to cry. No sound came out—Cora-san was still alive, if only for a while. He felt the chest get lifted and carried over to the ship before being placed down on the ground so that a packing strategy could be planned. Once the coast was clear, he slipped out of the chest and began the walk back to the town.

Except, as he kept walking, he noticed that his sobs and sniffles remained silent and his footfalls like nothing. He mentally calculated how long it had been since Cora-san had been shot and came to a realization—the man was outliving his wounds beyond expectation. With as much as he had been injured in his reclamation of the Op-Op Fruit, he should have died within minutes. An explosion behind him caused him to turn his walk into a full run; he had to get to Cora-san before it was too late!

Following the others’ fading footprints, Law found where Cora-san was laying in the snow, clung onto life by only a thread. He rushed to the man’s side, allowing cold and wet to seep through his cloak and clothes as he knelt in the snow.

“Ah… there you are…” Cora-san hummed, vision fuzzy. “You made it, Law. You’re free.” He tried to read Law’s lips as the boy spoke, unable to decipher it as death slowly took him. Placing his hand on the boy’s cheek, he released the effect of his Devil Fruit, allowing the boy his voice.

“I love you too, Cora-san!” Law sobbed. “Just hang in there, okay?! I’m gonna make you better!”

Law looked at the body before him and began to panic. He didn’t know where to start or what to do first aside from stopping the bleeding.

“Shit!” he swore. “I need an operating room for all this!”

Suddenly, a small blue dome sparked up around them, with an eerie sensation flowing through Law’s fingers. He looked at the dome, then at his hands—he was using his Devil Fruit.

“Okay… um… operate! Heal! Uh… extract! Un-bullet! Shit!” Tears began to flow anew as he became increasingly frustrated. “We were supposed to leave together! Cora-san! We were supposed to live and be free of Doflamingo! Now that’s all in shambles!”

Law gasped as Cora-san’s body split apart into dozens of pieces, separating at joints and wounds, isolating organs and… the bullets! Law could see the bullets floating freely in the air! He began to grab them, tossing them on the ground beside him. His sleeve brushed against Cora-san’s lung and the man coughed, surprising the young teen with the reaction.

Working quickly, Law took all the bullets out from Cora-san and began to carefully put the pieces of him back together. He was able to align arteries back together, faked a couple sutures, and somehow convinced the major wounds to clot over. With the last piece in place, Law fell atop Cora-san and passed out, his strength completely zapped.

Snow kept falling and, in the bay, the Donquixote Pirates outmaneuvered the Marines yet again.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

“I don’t want to be here…” the young polar bear sniffled. He shivered as he clung to the elder Human teen’s leg, effectively anchoring him in the rowboat.

“Come on—are you a bear or a chicken?” the teen scoffed. “You’re going to be useful, got it? Anything’s still here and you gotta sniff it out.”

“Yeah—whatever went down here the other day… there has to be plenty of treasure leftover from it,” the younger teen agreed.

The polar bear Mink, Bepo, whimpered quietly as they all piled out of the boat and tied it to the dock. Everything on this island was quiet and stank. He didn’t like it one bit; it reminded him of finding a dead seal, but worse. The older teen tugged at his harness and pulled him along, making it so that he had no choice but to follow.

Yes, that was what the past few days were about: following the whims of these teenagers. They had beaten him up and made him do things for them, like spook travelers or catch fish, and pulled him around Swallow Island like a pet on a leash. Now they were on the neighboring Minion Island—only an hour away—as rumor had it something big had gone down and the teens, Penguin and Shachi, wanted to find out what.

The village posed more questions than it answered, the trio discovered. Bepo covered his nose and trembled while the teens stared slack-jawed. Corpses littered the street, slowly being pecked apart by crows and other critters. There was evidence of a mass fight-to-the-death, as well as mysterious gashes in some of the buildings.

“This can’t be good,” Penguin blanched. “What the fuck happened to this place?”

“I don’t know…” Shachi said, stomach squelching. “Something tells me we shouldn’t’ve come here…”

“There’s someone here!” Bepo gasped. The teens both hit him on the head.

“They’re all dead, you idiot,” Shachi scolded.

“No! I can smell food! Being cooked! Someone’s here in the village, and they’re alive!”

At that, Bepo ran off, the surprise of which caused Penguin to lose his grip on the harness’s leash. Both teens ran after the young Mink cub, following him through the deserted village until they came upon a house that had smoke coming from the chimney and a warm glow in the window. All three barged in the door, falling on top of one another just inside the threshold.

“Shit! What the hell are you doing here?!” The trio looked up and saw another teenaged boy, this one scraggly and skin covered in white patches, who promptly closed the door against the chill. “Who are you?!”

“My name’s Penguin, and this is Shachi, and this here is our pet polar bear,” the eldest teen bragged. “I know, it’s pretty hard to catch a polar bear, but we were able to do it, because we’re that cool.”

“It just looks like you put a kid on a leash,” the new teen deadpanned. He went and unhooked Bepo’s harness from the leash, which caused the polar bear to lick his face in thanks. The boy staggered back, unsure of what happened.

“Law…? What’s going on…? Do I hear voices…?”

The four looked towards a door leading off the living area and kitchen and the kid with the white patches hissed.

“Nothing!” he lied. He then turned towards his visitors, his glare set and serious. “One wrong move out of any of you and you’re going to be just like the rest of the villagers, you hear?” The visitors all nodded. “Good. I’ll let you warm up here, but you have to go before my dad gets up.”

“Law…?”

“Coming!”

The young teen ladled some stew from the pot on the stove into a bowl and got some bread, which he put on a plate, carrying both into the next room. Penguin, Shachi, and Bepo all looked around, seeing that the homey décor of the place was at complete odds with the rest of the village. There were even photos on the wall, though none of them were of the other boy…

“This isn’t our house.” They glanced towards the door and saw their reluctant host had returned. “Why did you come here?”

“We were hoping to see what happened, see if there was any treasure leftover,” Shachi admitted. “We didn’t expect this.”

“There’s nothing left on this island of monetary value,” the boy explained. “Anything worth anything was taken by the Donquixote Pirates days ago. Once my dad’s better, he and I are leaving too.”

“Wait… the Donquixote Pirates?!” Penguin gasped. “How did you survive that?!”

“Barely.” The four lads cringed, realizing that the adult from the other room had hobbled out, his stew bowl in one hand while the other one was busy holding himself steady on a crutch. Brown goop was all down his front and he looked to be in pain. “I spilled.”

“You just found a way to not eat your bread.” The young teen took the bowl and brought it over to the small kitchen table before helping the man over. He was tall—very, very tall—and looked at the guests curiously.

“I thought no one else was on this island.”

“We’re from Swallow Island,” Penguin said. “I’m Penguin, this is Shachi, and this is our pet polar bear! Cool, I know.”

“That looks like a kid in a leash harness,” the man noted. Penguin scowled at that, which only made the man laugh. “Well, I’m Cora, and you’ve already met my son, Law. If you’re looking for treasure, the only thing we really have is each other, and I’m not sure you’re really here for that.”

“Law said you’re leaving?” Bepo asked. “For where?!”

“There’s not a lot of places we can go,” Cora said. “Law was poisoned for a long time, and until we get rid of that, he’s going to look very different from everyone else. I know someone in the East Blue that might be able to help us, and no one over there would be scared of Law’s poison.”

“Why would someone be scared of a kid that’s poisoned?” Shachi wondered. Law simply scowled.

“If they think it’s contagious, that’s how.”

“…but your dad just said that it’s a poison,” Penguin noted. “You can’t catch a poison… not like a cold, anyhow.”

“That’s what we’ve been trying to tell people for over six months, but now… we have another way to fix it. We just need a little more time.” Cora spilled some more stew along his front and hissed in pain. “What about you? Do your parents know you’re here?”

“I’m trying to find my big brother, but I got lost and can’t go back,” Bepo said, “and then these two tried to make me their pet.”

“There’s no one missing us,” Penguin scoffed, trying to seem aloof about it. “Shachi and I are our own men.”

“Your own men, hmm…?” Cora chewed on his stew bits thoughtfully before nodding. “How would some men like you three like to accompany us to the East? It’ll be fun.”

“Cora-saaaannnn…”

“Are there any babes there?” Penguin asked. Cora laughed at that.

“My friend is a woman, but don’t let her hear you refer to her as that,” the man chuckled. “She has a pair of daughters, but they’re more around this one’s age than the rest of you.” He patted Bepo on the head, an act that the Mink cub leaned into. “I doubt the youngest even remembers me at this point.”

“We set sail in a week,” Law stated. “Cora-san suffered a lot of wounds when the Donquixote Pirates were here, and that’s the soonest he can move. We’ll have to cross over the Red Line into the East, but that will be easy enough as long as we get there undetected.”

“If you come along,” Cora added, “the Mink is not a pet, but your cute baby brother.”

“Garachu, Cora-san!” Bepo squeaked, hugging the man excitedly. Penguin and Shachi looked at them, then at Law, then at one another.

Well, it wasn’t like they had anything else better to do.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

The first thing that awaited Donquixote Rosinante upon landing in Cocoyasi, was a slap across the face.

“You absolute fucking degenerate!” the scary-looking, angry woman screamed. The teens still in the boat froze in terror, figuring this was the legendary Bell-mère, the one who Cora had been talking about for a couple months now, who they suspected had been more than just a friend at one point. Bepo, who was on the pier with Cora, simply began to panic.

“Good to see you too, Belle,” Cora winced.

“No note, no goodbye, no warning, no letters! I have literally spent the last four fucking years thinking you were dead! Everyone thought you were dead!”

“Not Sengoku,” he defended. That was the wrong thing to say, as Bell-mère’s eyelid began to twitch.

“So he’s been in on it too?! See?! This is why I didn’t want to raise the girls on a base! They’d get too used to fucking idiots like you!”

“Is, erm, everything alright here, Bell-mère…?” Cora glanced over his old friend’s shoulder to see a man with a pinwheel stuck into his hat, looking at the encounter warily.

“Yeah, I can take this loser any day,” Bell-mère scoffed. “We were officer-cadets together—you remember Rosinante.”

The man blinked, then his eyes went wide. “Young Rosinante?! You don’t look anything like you did your last visit!”

“Going undercover wasn’t easy on me,” Cora admitted. “Please, Belle, I need a place to lay low for a while, outside of the Marines’ grasp. Can you help me?”

“You’re an idiot and a fool if you think you’re going to be able to lay low with all these goddamned brats,” Bell-mère scoffed. She took note of the tag-alongs and scowled. “How did you seem to acquire four children not your own? Tell me, Rosi.”

“Belle…”

“That is a Mink, Rosinante. A child Mink. What have you been up to?!”

“It’s… uh… a long story…” Cora put up a sound barrier so that only he and Bell-mère could hear. “I can’t go back to Sengoku—I sent in a final report while I was still in the North, and now I’m done.”

“He’s like your dad,” she scowled. “I remember how the two of you were.”

“…and I can’t bring the boys there, especially Law. They’re already hurting so much and all I want is a place where they can be normal for a little bit before they’re adults.”

“Desertion is considered a treasonous act, you know.”

“You left to raise your kids, and now I’m leaving to raise mine—there’s no difference.”

“There is to the paper-pushers… to the admirals.”

The two adults stood there at a stalemate, trying not to notice the crowd that was beginning to form along the edge of the docks. Cora dropped the sound field and offered his old comrade a smile. Fuck… she couldn’t refuse that smile, that innate Celestial Dragon charisma of his, and she didn’t completely hate it.

“If you plan on staying,” she sighed, “you’re going to have to figure out a way to pull your own weight. My earnings barely cover me and the girls, and you just showed up with three teenaged boys and a bear cub.”

“Did you get denied your pension?” She stared at him, confused. “You were a Captain, Belle. Reaching that rank, it doesn’t matter how long you were there—you’re entitled to a pension as long as it wasn’t a dishonorable discharge. All you did was resign, right…?”

“Yeah…?”

“Anything up to Commander you need a certain amount of total years put in—your former rank supersedes that.” Cora took a healthy step backwards as Bell-mère began fuming.

“Those fucking bastards! Why I—” Cora threw up another sound shield around Bell-mère as she ranted and used the most absolutely choice words for what she wanted to do to their former employers.

“Uhh… Cora-san…? Shachi asked from the safety of the boat. “Are we allowed to stay?”

“For at least a little while, it looks like,” he said. He glanced back at Bell-mère and frowned. “Law? Should she be turning that color…?”

“As long as she doesn’t stay that color, then yeah.” He clucked his tongue worriedly; this was going to be a joy to navigate, that much was clear.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Nojiko and Nami weren’t entirely sure what to make of their mom’s visitors at first.

They were all boys, for starters. The pair weren’t used to living with boys at all and were a bit worried about what might be different between boys and girls. Both a lot and nothing, they quickly found out as they all piled into the house, interrupting their board game.

“Okay kids; new plan,” Bell-mère said. “Good thing about this house is that we’ve got a lot of room. Bad thing is that we’ve now got a lot of us. You older two,” she pointed at the taller boys, “you get a room. You and the Mink,” she pointed at the shortest boy and a miniature polar bear, “you get a room. Nami, this means you’re moving in with Nojiko.”

“Boys…” the very tall man warned. The boys all bowed slightly.

“Thank you for taking care of us,” they all said, somewhat in unison. Nami reached out and tried to pet the bear, only for Nojiko to pull her back.

“Mom…?” the blue-haired girl asked shakily. “What’s going on…?”

“This here is one of my old Marine comrades and his kids. They need a place to stay for a bit. Their family’s like ours.”

“…so, by choice…?” Nami furrowed her brow and stared at the newcomers. “Is that why he’s a bear?”

“Sorry,” Bepo mumbled, bowing deeply. The seven-year-old instead gave him a hug, which he happily returned.

“Nojiko!” she squealed. “He’s so soft!”

“Can I hug you too?” Nojiko asked. Bepo nodded and soon he had both sisters hugging him.

“Ugh, kid stuff,” Penguin scowled. Cora gently flicked the teen’s ear in punishment.

“Bepo and Nojiko are the same age, and Nami’s two years younger,” he explained. “You’ll have to be good big brothers while we’re here with Miss Bell-mère and her girls. I’ll have nothing less.”

“I guess,” Penguin sulked. Shachi, not wanting to feel left out, imitated the older boy, while Law…

“Nami-ya, which room is yours? Bepo-ya and I can help you move.” He gave her a smile that Cora could nearly consider to be bright.

“Oh! Yes! This way!” The small girl took Law’s hand and led him up the stairs, all the other kids trailing close behind.

“You get the couch,” Bell-mère stated. She then looked her old comrade up and down and frowned. “Though… I’m not sure how you’d fit…”

“I don’t fit a lot of furniture in the Blues anyhow—I’m used to it,” he shrugged. He then felt blush rush to his face and neck, the fact this was real and happening sinking in, despite the distance now between them. Memory of the last time they met came flooding back to him, and how he had kept it close to his heart on lonely nights, for the Corazón, of all people, needed to remember love. “I don’t know how I can ever repay you for doing this for us.”

“Oh, don’t worry, you’ll pay,” Bell-mère chuckled, “with your body.”

Donquixote Rosinante, son of Homing, ward of Sengoku, former Celestial Dragon, now-retired undercover Marine, former supposed officer of the Donquixote Pirates, never thought in a million years he would hear those words come out of Bell-mère’s mouth… at least not in reference to him. He nearly fainted at the very thought…

…actually, he did faint at the very thought. About ten minutes later, he woke up on the couch, with Nojiko, Bepo, and Nami bouncing at his side.

Things were already not going as-planned.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

“What do you think?” Penguin asked, staring out the window at the night sky. They had not yet gone to sleep in the strange, now crowded, house that Cora-can’s friend owned, instead choosing to stay up and relish in the quiet. Shachi shrugged from his spot near the bookcase, more interested in what was there.

“Well, they’re characters, that’s for sure,” Shachi replied. He plucked a book from the shelf at eye-level and furrowed his brow at the title: Wanolese for Beginners. “The woman and Cora-san definitely have something going on… or at least did… and that’s the only reason why we’re here.”

“Not to mention Law keeps looking at the littlest kid… I wonder what that’s about…?”

“Hard saying.” He threw the book onto Penguin’s bed and the other teen looked at it curiously. “At least we won’t be bored. There’s a bunch of shit in this lady’s old books that might be useful. Where do you think Wano is?”

“The Grand Line,” Law said, coming into the room without so much as a knock. Bepo followed sleepily behind, trying his best to not turn his yawn into a lethargic roar. “It’s not a place easily accessible to most people—the high cliffs surrounding it lead very easily to an isolationist policy.”

“How would you know that?” Shachi asked. Law sat on the other bed and shrugged.

“The young Master made sure I studied hard, and some of it pertained to geography, politics, and history… at least what is known of the subjects. Some language too.” Penguin passed him the book and he opened to a page towards the back, at which he pointed to the characters on the page. “Konban-wa. Watashi wa Koizuki-san desu. Nan desu ka? Inu no jinja. See? Easy.”

“Yeah, yeah, know-it-all,” Shachi frowned. “Why did that creep make you learn that?”

“Wano is about as difficult to learn about and access as it is to find Zou,” Law shrugged. The three teens looked over at Bepo, who was curled up on the floor. “He had plans to make me the Corazón after Cora-san… but that just makes me wonder…”

“…about what…?” Penguin asked.

“It makes me wonder about why he thought the seat was going to become vacant.” Law exhaled heavily before looking at the other two teens, his expression resolute. “When we’re older, let’s sail again.”

“...and what…? Become Marines like I’m sure the adults want us to do?” Shachi scoffed. Law shook his head.

“We’ll become something better than Marines, better than that stupid Family, better than them all.”

Penguin and Shachi both raised an eyebrow curiously, which only caused Law to grin manically.

“Let’s become pirates.”

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

As it turned out, Bell-mère's insistence on Cora paying her back “with his body” meant a lot of time in the mikan groves. His height proved well-suited to picking off some of the higher branches, which meant that orders could go out in better time, with a more even quality. Her business was thriving, and with the additional income she was getting after writing a particularly angry letter to Marineford, things were comfortable for the first time in a long time.

“Bell-mère!” Nami screeched, running at top speed through the orchard. She found the two adults easily and held up a piece of paper. “Look at what we drew!”

“Would you look at that…” Bell-mère nodded. She took the paper and stared—it was a map, and a damn good one at that, despite some of the shakier lines. “You made this?”

“It was me and Bepo! He wants to become a navigator too!”

“Do you, now?” Cora asked. Nami nodded exaggeratedly.

“I want to draw a map of the whole world one day! He wants to find a moving island! Bepo and I will have to be the best to make that happen!”

“That’s a good map, but you’ve got a long way to go before you’re both the best,” Bell-mère said. She handed back the map and patted Nami on the head. “Good thing you’re both just kids.”

“Yeah!” She looked over her shoulder and saw that Bepo was coming down the row. “She said it was good!”

“She did?!”

“For a couple of kids!” Bell-mère shouted. “Keep at it!”

Nami giggled as she ran to meet Bepo halfway and they went back to the house. Bell-mère and Cora both watched, the pair enjoying the ease of the moment.

“They’re really getting along well, aren’t they?” Bell-mère asked.

“I’ve not seen any of the boys so happy,” Cora replied. He took a couple mikan from the top of the tree and gently placed them in the basket hooked in his elbow. “I’m glad I brought them here.”

“They’re brats and you know it,” she laughed.

“As though you’re one to talk.” She elbowed him in the leg, hard, making him drop the mikan basket directly into her hands as he fell, a trick she was getting disturbingly good at. “Ow! Hey! I just know I’m not the only one who remembers training!”

“Shove it up your ass, Rosi.”

“You punched Garp in the balls on our first day!”

“He wasn’t paying any fucking attention—served him right.” The smile from her face faded as she heard Law scream inside the house, something she unfortunately knew that needed no attention. “That boy is going to overdo it one day while tearing that shit out of him.”

“It’s that or be guaranteed to die young,” he replied. “Got a light?”

“Hold on.” Bell-mère took two cigarettes from her pack and put them between her lips, lighting both at the same time. She passed one over to an embarrassed Cora, who took it gratefully.

“You don’t have to do that, you know.”

“I know—I just don’t want my orchard to burn like a fucking Buster Call.”

“Fair.”

Cora inhaled deeply and let the cigarette smoke fill his lungs, holding his breath before letting it all pour out. He was starting to develop a cough on particularly humid days, which made Law stare at him in horror. He couldn’t stop, though. It was the only thing that made him feel grounded, made him feel Human, and yet the look on the boy’s face…

“You’re spacing out again,” Bell-mère noted. Cora took the cigarette from his mouth and held it between his fingers, staring at it.

“I was just thinking… I better enjoy this thing.” He replaced it and took another deep drag.

“Why’s that?”

“I think it’ll be my last.”

“You don’t say?”

“Don’t act so wise—you were the one who got me into the habit.”

“Huh… I guess I was, wasn’t I?” She looked at her own cigarette and shook her head. “Looks like it can’t be helped.”

“What can’t be helped?”

“If you’re quitting, then I’m quitting too, asshole,” she said. “Can’t have you looking better than me.”

“I am better than you.”

A scoff. “At what?”

“Acquiring kids—I’ve got more, and that’s a statistical fact.”

“Yeah, well, mine can still wipe the floor with yours, so fuck off.”

“I’d like to see them try.”

They were nearly done with their cigarettes when a put-out-looking Nojiko came stomping down the lane to the house. She was pulling along Penguin and Shachi both, the pair of teens looking slightly worse for wear, not to mention embarrassed out of their minds.

“…do we even want to know?” Cora asked. Bell-mère simply shook her head—no it was wisest to simply let the matter be.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Having one adult going through nicotine withdrawals was bad enough. Having both of the adults in the house going cold-turkey from their decade-long habit? It was dreadful.

“They’re both cranky and grumpy and just really, really mean,” Nami scowled. She and Nojiko had joined Law and Bepo on a walk, and now the four of them were sitting on Genzo’s porch, making their complaints known to the sympathetic adult.

“Those were all synonyms,” Law noted, nose buried in a book. His white patches were almost gone, though he claimed his research was far from over.

“I don’t care what’s a cinnamons or not!” Nami pouted. Genzo simply sighed as he pat the girl on the head.

“Those two are… a handful, even on their best days,” he stated. “Your mother was a hellion, and with the way Rosinante is, I’m sure he was one too.”

“You and Bell-mère keep calling Cora-san that,” Nojiko mentioned. “Why?”

“I’m sure you were too little to remember, but he came here once a long time ago, when Bell-mère first brought you and Nami home. He begged and pleaded for her to come with him, to bring you girls along, saying you’d be safer with his father. I guess it wasn’t the first time he’d done it either.”

That got the kids’ attention.

“Cora-san has a father?” Law asked. “He… never mentioned him.”

“He’s a father like Rosinante is to you, if I remember correctly,” Genzo shrugged. “Anyhow, when Rosinante was here, he had stayed a couple days, but then left. That was the last Bell-mère saw or heard of him before he showed up with you four.”

“No wonder it looked like she was going to explode when we first got here,” Bepo shivered. “Uncle Genzo, can we stay with you until Bell-mère and Cora-san are acting normal again?”

“We’d be living with him forever,” Law deadpanned.

“Look who’s talking,” Nojiko sniped. She and Law exchanged glares that made Genzo laugh heartily. He then noticed Penguin and Shachi coming down the street, the two of them looking irritated and put-out.

“…and have you two decided to find sanctuary on my stoop as well?”

“Nah—we’re here to collect Law and the brats,” Shachi grumbled. “Fuzzball, Gingersnap, Nojicakes, let’s get going.”

“Stop calling me that!” Nojiko snapped. “You two are so weird!”

“We’re your big brothers; it’s what we do,” Penguin said. He took Nami and put her on his shoulders before giving Genzo a slight bow of his head. “Thank you for watching over them for us.”

“Any time,” the man chuckled. He watched as the gaggle of mismatched children wandered down the street, an odd collection that fit together so well. It wasn’t until they were on the edge of town and the house in-sight before any of the kids spoke.

“Penguin?”

“Yeah, Gingersnap?”

“Why did you say you’re our big brother?”

“Well, that’s ‘cause I am.” The teen tried to seem aloof about it, despite the fact he was anything but.

“We’re only with Bell-mère-ya on a temporary basis,” Law noted. “Cora-san said we weren’t staying long-term from the moment we left Swallow Island.”

“That was before, and we’re here to tell you that things have changed in the meantime,” Shachi chuckled. “I mean, they quit smoking together.”

“So…?” Nojiko frowned. “They shouldn’t’ve been doing it to begin with.”

“That is, Nojicakes, why you are still a little kid, while we are your big brothers,” Penguin smirked. Nami smacked both his ears at once, making him stumble slightly. “Hey! Traitor!”

“They mean that Cora-san and Bell-mère-ya are likely engaging in copious amounts of sexual activity,” Law said dryly. Shachi and Penguin both cringed, while the younger three simply looked at him.

“What’s that?” Bepo asked.

“Oh… is that what ‘fucking’ is?” Nami wondered. The eldest two, who thought they could not be more mortified, suddenly defied all possibility and logic to become Most Mortified.

“Gingersnap, where did you hear that phrase…?” Shachi asked. He and Penguin were sweating bullets, hoping it wasn’t the two of them.

“Someone in town was talking about Bell-mère and Cora, and said they were fucking,” the youngest said. “What is that, anyhow?”

“It’s when adults lock the door to the bedroom and if you press your ear to it, you can hear weird noises… as long as Cora-san forgets to use his Devil Fruit,” Law replied frankly. He gave Penguin and Shachi a shit-eating grin—that little asshole…

“Ultimately, it means that we’re not going anywhere anytime soon,” Shachi explained. “It probably also means that Cora’s your new dad.”

“Yeah, and Bell-mère’s your new mom,” Nojiko smirked. Shachi sulked as they approached the house, the smell of dinner pulling them in.

“We don’t need a new mom,” he frowned.

“Sach,” Penguin mentioned, “we’ve never really had a mom, or a dad, before them.” They made it to the porch and let Nami slide off his back, the younger four heading into the house ahead of them. “We’ve never really had a family. Not… not a family like this.”

“With cute little sisters and bratty little brothers and parents that don’t make us do illegal shit all the time?”

“It’s kind of nice, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it really is.”

The teens went into the house and saw a spirited yet silent debate underway between Cora and Bell-mère while they cooked dinner, with Law and Nojiko each curling up on the couch with their respective books of choice, while Bepo and Nami stared at the adults’ animated dramatics.

Not fucking, as the town thought, but they looked dangerously close.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

As it turned out, the withdrawal symptoms in both Bell-mère and Cora lasted for a couple weeks. In the meantime, all six kids tiptoed around them and were often scarce around the house, trying their best to not be noticed unless absolutely necessary. While it was true neither of them tried to be mean, at the same time.

“The fuck’s all this then?” Bell-mère hissed, looking at the dining room table. She had just come into the house from work and was getting ready to make dinner, only to see books and papers strewn everywhere, yet no one in sight to claim it. With the way everything was abandoned, it seemed as though the culprits had left in a rush.

“At least they’re reading,” Cora retorted wearily. He picked up one of the books and hummed—Histories of the World. “It would be enough to make Dad lose a fucking gasket.”

“If that man has a problem with anything, then he can come here and tell it to my face,” she scowled. She then shot him a suspicion-filled glare. “Does he even know you’re here?”

“No—I gave him no indication of where I would be retiring to, only what I learned and that I as a chess piece am officially out of play. I couldn’t put much about my intended path forward in an official communique and still expect to be left alone. Dad is one thing, the entire World Government is another.”

“So you really did say ‘fuck this, fuck you, fuck everything, I’m retiring, peace out, fuck off’ at the end of your report, eh?”

“In more polite terms, yes.” Cora closed the books and stacked them neatly at the end of the table, hissing as he suffered a papercut. He sucked at it gently, the metallic tang of blood invading his mouth. “It wouldn’t surprise me if Dad retired himself just to go looking for me.”

“He’s a career Marine—his soul is too tied to the uniform to do something so drastic,” Bell-mère said quietly, events from long ago snapping into place. Cora looked at her, seeing that she was staring at the pan she had placed on the stovetop. Tears were in her eyes, a sight that Cora realized pained him more than anything since first bringing his boys there. “He wanted you to bring the girls and me to live with him at Marineford, didn’t he?”

“Yeah…” He licked his lips, suddenly noticing how dry they were. “He was willing to both get you reinstated and take retirement for himself so he could help with childcare. Operation Fallen Dragon was already in the planning stages, so it was best to get affairs in order, since it was widely considered more suicide mission than anything.”

“…and why the fuck would he do that, Rosinante?” She turned her gaze towards him, eyes still glassy. “That was years ago. We weren’t even together… not like that…”

“Dad knows his chance at a family when he sees it,” Cora stated. He carefully approached Bell-mère and brought her into a hug, at which she began to cry, her entire body heaving with each intake of breath. Placing a sound barrier on her, he allowed her to get it all out without the embarrassment of the noise as well.

A few moments passed and the preemptive sound dampening he placed on the house proved to pay off as the kids all piled inside, only to awkwardly stare at the scene in the kitchen. Cora motioned for them to all get out and go up the stairs, letting them know that he could handle it.

That night, after Bell-mère had cried herself out and dinner had been made and cleaned-up after, Cora was stopped as he went to place the bedsheet on the couch as was normal. Instead, he was led up the stairs to Bell-mère’s room, where he was informed he was going to sleep on a real mattress for once. They gently kissed, which turned into touches, which then turned into gasping and sweating and the shedding of clothes. It was like riding a bicycle, and neither of them had forgotten how to steel themselves against the world.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Cora ended up being very, very glad he had eaten his very specific Devil Fruit, as neither he nor Bell-mère were particularly quiet that night, and he wasn’t exactly in the mood to explain to any of their kids what was going on. He simply silenced the room and tried to make sure at least a little bit of his train of thought was set on maintaining it, hoping none of their young housemates would figure any of it out.

Considering he left Bell-mère’s bedroom the following morning, and with bite marks in rather interesting areas, he knew there would be no fooling them after all. The younger three—thankfully—seemed to neither care nor notice. (Did they think they were weird bug bites or something? He wasn’t sure he wanted to know.) The eldest two avoided looking both him and Bell-mère in the face all of breakfast. Law, however…

“I can study obstetrics if you didn’t use a condom last night,” the young teen said casually, helping Cora carry mikan bushels later on that morning. His father figure nearly dropped the fruits, helped by the lad shambling them back into the container. “That specific area of medicine is something I need to get new books on anyhow—the sections on it in the ones I have are clearly written by men who think that women are exotic and inscrutable creatures when in reality they’re literally half the planet.”

“Can you, I don’t know, not…?” Cora groaned. “I should be giving you the talk about safe sex, not the other way around.”

“I still want those books,” Law said, in a tone that insisted it was non-negotiable.

“Only if you never talk about Bell-mère and I having sex ever again.”

“I’ll consider it, but I am a doctor, after all.” Law smiled at Cora, expression wry and knowing—the man couldn’t say no, at least for long.

[only-lonely-lovers]

08.24.2022

notes: silly crossover conversation lol? But it devolves into other things... *Shrug!*

Bird is あ / Avvy is つ

つ：[talking about TS nene-chan] she's such a special girl. its like proportional to amane in the opposite direction

あ：Harmonious in this way

つ：the sheer degree of sexless little nerd and so she becomes hypersex everyone feels so shifted on the scales

あ：[brain shrinks more and more every day due to the salt]

つ：twintails whore. special vibe. feels like such a cringe girl

あ：amane's cringe gf

つ：like a true shame of the school in a way. such an interseting nene. so liberated. but still a virgin its rly funny to have so cringe a gf

あ：but youre like FRIENDLESS AND A TECHIE NERD...

つ：i think if normal amane could see this nene he'd like be really scared of her like what…. [becomes frollo]

あ：ah like jesus thats a girl whose gonna grab me by the zipper first thing

つ：i think it would be too scary for the pervert to meet his like equal

あ：he likes being the most sexual one in the room

つ：yes. and good for him. that is what he typically is.

あ：meanwhile so funny to think about hanako seeing himself be such a sexless little virgin itd be like god what is the DEAL.

つ：he'd be like omg no. wtf YOU'RE ALIVE YOU CAN'T BE WASTING IT LIKE THIS

あ：what happened to me

つ：YOUR STUPID ROMOTES

あ：YOU HAVE A HOT BLOODED COCK AND YOURE JUST…

つ：YUO'RE ALIVE, SHE'S ALIVE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!

あ：i think he'd honestly want to kill him

つ：I'M GOING TO KILL YOU

あ：🤝

つ：im gonna toukan koukan

あ：its not fucking fair He has to watch footage of Amane just opening his mouth and Tsukasa shoveling rice into it

oh so THATS WHAT HE'S BUSY DOING!?tf/G.F getting fucking babied all day… KILL YOU

つ：he's out here like pushing tsukasa with his socked foot like tsukasaaaaaa turn on the faaannn…

あ：its wretched

つ：this AU tsukasa seeing hanako: a

あ：poor tsukasa seeing a fucking. nasty dirty amane it's like he has never prepared his whole life for such a thing

つ：if you swapped out amanes i think it'd be a dual problem of like WHAT'D YOU DO TO MY BABY WHERE'D HE GO but also hamina

seeing this creep kabedon nene. stares. anyway uses magic to pull my boy back from the aether at all costs eventually i will be calm when i have both amane… but unfortunately you cannot they will kill eachother

あ：you're literally not ready for him....

つ：NO!!!!!!!!!

absolutely not ready for him. but amusingly i dont know how this one interacts with tsukasa. awkwardly, probably he's like im just here to fuck whore nene

tsukasa sortof like twiddling fingers not needed. staring at you. maybe amane ushers you out of the room [uses magic to get back in but invisibly]

あ：just uhh think of it like, you have the afternoon off. okay? I don't need my food shoveled into me i'm not a mental patient. uhhh…. you just.. [claps hands] dismissed.

つ：blink.

あ：

a little out of it. but you have to worry about your boy TSUKASA experiencing the -- oh my god roachie

つ：well the reality is his amane can't do shit anywhere else so he's in the fetal position in the bathroom

あ：sucking his thumb

つ：he's crying

あ：It's like wahhh i;m havnfin a nightmare where's my animal crackers….

つ：nene trying to come in but the bathroom is locked. he recognizes her voice but he's like still scared i imagine its like [wails] tsukasaaa…. [CRYING BECAUSE HE DOESNT HAVE HIS DRONE]

あ：someone stole all my stuff what if i've been kidnapped

つ：kou's gonna break open the door w his caveman foot and amane is gonna be a disaster

あ：its like OH GOD ITS THE GUY DCON'T COME ANY CLOSER

つ：nene trying to assess but its like ???? hanako ??? hanako-kun???? why are yuo-- dressed-- wh>??? tt-- YOU WANT US TO>?? GET??? TSUKASA????

あ：it's like, he's going to have a panic attack and throw up a litlte bit

つ：he'd recognize kou after a second is the thing. just your classmate though. its like no my classmate was insane?

あ：right it is like. oh god i know him does he know where i live!?

つ：one of them could watch amane while the other runs off to like. shout for. tsukasa like hes somewhere in thia school right thinking tsukasa is somehow. needed. for this

あ：this tsukasa

つ：?????? oh coming out of the broadcast club cluelessly. beig dragged to amane

あ：he summon me

つ：and just. staring. amane like scrambling up to him to grab

あ：⁉

つ：clutch…. hold…. but also like [sobbing sniffing] why aaore [coughs] you dressed so weird

あ：what's happening… is it some………. historical..r ecreation… day!?

つ：[air]

あ：[wind rustling] 1 sense at a time sort of deal. itslike ah. he is warm

つ：…………… pets… pets

あ：smells alive

つ：detecting with my sonar that this is a different amane.

あ：

[vibrating] [can sense your bones]

つ：alive boy….. initiate… coddling mode

nene and kou staring watching like what the fuck is going on why are they hugging whispering

あ：Did something happen

つ：shuld we do something? is hanako crazy

あ：who do we call. tsuchigomori. like! literally who do we defer to. its just like [headache]

つ： you just get very earnest cuddles on the floor at least amane is just like hhuuuuu…

あ：[beleaguered] i barfd…. my tummy hurts………

つ：oh no!! thats not good….

あ：Do you have anything for me...

つ：RUMMAGES IN POCKETS

あ：procures like a horrible eyeball

つ：pulls out. some . things truly some spirit bugs. butterfly wings. string. rubberbands. bubble wrap you know. things. we have. in my kimono sleeves

あ：[just wants like a tums.] 🥺……….. is this like a magic trick…

つ：being like… this is a dream right….. you're different too…. aren't you? sniff…

あ：[dejected] [sinks to the ground]

つ：helpless creature. its ok. your tsukasa will like correct things. he shall pluck you from the air and bring you back i like to think before he sends hanako boy back he takes a second though

あ：You must trust him. he's just fiddling with the technicalities

つ：i like tsukasa getting to look at a more relatively 'independent' boi like. hmmm.❤️ you're interesting…. nice to see. holds you by the jaw

あ：Appraises you like a fine stable horse

つ：mine needs me back…. but… it was nice meeting you.

あ：Hehe......... ❤️

つ：

tsukasa: do you have any questions for me, before you go back….? hanako: what the heck was that back there. with. the-- me. here. for real. what is that. tsukasa: [lying for fun] 🎶we are lovers❤️ BYEEE [THROWS YOU INTO THE PORTAL]

あ：just make hanako turn into a withered husk NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

つ：make hanako return like he just faced the balrhogg

あ：well tsukasa is here.

つ：face down on the bathroom floor oh it'll be like nene and kou rush to him and he's like mngnngh.. [looks around] [SEES TSUKASA] [SCREAMS] FLIES OUT THE WINDOW

あ：

つ：poor nene and kou. they don't benefit. the other nene got like. shmoozed and groped perhaps. i feel like tsukasa wouldn't let him take virginity its like ohh no❤️ thats for MY boy

あ：YOU'RE NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!

つ：GOD HANAKO!!!!! not with that attitude💔

あ：you dont deserve it

つ：nene and kou like. i guess you can. go now tsukasa. he seems. back to normal ?

あ：> poor nene and kou. they don't benefit. the other nene got like. shmoozed and groped perhaps. i feel like tsukasa wouldn't let him take virginity its like ohh no❤️ thats for MY boy

so funny to think about this being interrupted before tsukasa actually has the spell figured out to bring his boy back. like. UHHh hold on there [freeze] [sleeps her]

つ：simply puts it on hold. funny if his magic doesn't work on ghost boy nene just freezes and hanako is like oh shit hell yeah

あ：NOFJDSGDHF

Now I dont have to hold back

つ：SCRUFFS YOU is like-- jkesus [getting the vapors] amane…. now, now……

あ：You should know better….❤️

つ：tsukasa would really have a moment mentally of. [griffin voice] he looks really nice.

あ：[inhales deeply.]

つ：trying to be respectful though. he wouldn't want his boy molested while he was swapped. i must resist

あ：It's like Tsukasa has the eyeballs to drink in your design. the bright red accents that guide you to look at his cock

つ：the only person capable of truly percieving the sex mmmmmred socks… nnnice shiny black shoes….. gold buttons, sakura detailing….

あ：[bites hand.]

つ：you are like sports car. so fancy maybe i can buy amane a gakuran…

あ：temptations. you're like, i wish i could just do it. ahhhhhh but muri muri……………………. but. if the he is so horny you know. AHHH but no no no. my morals

つ：maybe I've earned. one favor from amane, after all this time… when he gets back… perhaps he would try one on for me… maybe

rly goes back and forth for a minute just compulsively its like tsk tsk. weeell. no. mmm.. hehe.. no. ah. its too bad….

あ：Youre trying to not be like. "IF youre so impatient…" [clutches rosary]

つ：this temptressssszzz

あ：this will just be a lesson like. whet the appetite. i want a treat, says tsukasa, for once

つ：its funny but yes. its like ahhmmmm… welllhlhlhl maybe a treat when i have my boy…. i'msure i can find a classic gakuran somewhere…

its . like amane comes back. you know and is like TSUKASA WEEEEEP i had a weird dream… snfsfh ana, a…. you were… there, sortof, you… looked…. different……

tsukasa like… ^^ OOOHHH i had a dream too….! haha… hehe… you were in different clothes, and you acted differently…❤️ isn't that so weird…. ?❤️ I wonder why that would happen…

あ：[completely cluelessly] oh, weird………….. ……………………………. 6.6 ……? because we are twins.

つ：[loves this logic] i guess so…! [KAWAIII] mm really nuzzle and rub my boy….. amane asking for tums….. and tsukasa getting it… simple.

hanako will. be okay. eventually. tsukasa had to release 1 demon into him i was a good boy i did not suck your cock❤️ so i tell little joke you were so rude💔 you can handle it

あ：you deserve a little something. for being so… sexy.

つ：mmmminx

あ：stupid rude sexy boy… at my doorstep…

つ：its funny to imagine tsukasa being like ruined for a bit actually. with desire. hes' not meant to have

あ：🤪im ngh kdfh !!_ ghf

つ：actually does have a dream about 2 amane going at him wakes up like ah. this is bad

あ：😔This is going to distract me………….🥴

つ：the confident body language…… the haughty expression…

あ：I couldn't have dreamed of such a boy, in reality.

つ：the lurid gaze at nene.... the cavalier confidence.... decked outin all black..... hhhhhhh

あ：so toe to tip hansy boy… what's all this flair for….

つ：If He Had Pinned Me And Not Nene I Would Be In Trouble Ha Ha hnnnggh no i belong to this amane…. help

あ：Put in a position to DENY Amane…. for, Amane…….. NO!!! break my brain

つ：oh it would be fucking. aroauruogurhogrugh

あ：But my loyalties

つ：my sexual tension blows up the apartment

あ：starts sweating bullets but if my little boy comes home and im all. FRESHLY FUCKED. no icannot but this is where your brain is trying to be clever like "but ah, if it was both…"

つ：mmngnhhh… ah but its like truly a pipedream💔 that amane……………………….. he didn't seem so interested [thinking about a truly 100% straight amane💔] ah well….. I'm only me. I wonder what his tsukasa is even like….

あ：All fucking titties out

つ：all fucking. luxuriant. a god

あ：nice big skirt. it'd be like oop. 🤔………………..🤐.

つ：like oh sure this tsukasa is a pwoerful wizard. but literally. a God. over there

あ：like oh my. in this world people can just BE weezards

つ：in his finery. when i was looqing into kimono and hakama stuff it was that tsukasa's set-up is really something only common for like shrine maidens and shinto preists …..

あ：melded with a GOD…. maybe that's just what it takes to match THAT Amane

つ：like ohhh god you have your adversary lol… me and my HUMBLE boy. sheesh

あ：We're just in our sweaters

つ：our lil matchies

あ：I truly was not meant to taste this opulance a sip of something with gold leaf in it

つ：if only to peer thru the veil later and see amane cutting open his mouth and fucking his thighs lol

あ：One day looking into my crystal ball

つ：get electrocuted

あ：like as a treat. wonder what that one is doing [struck by lightning]

つ：watching it like an anime occasionally while amane is asleep

あ：Ahhh oh no MY LARGE BOILING FLASK

つ：AAOAOUGOGDFGJFKL!!!! boiled my eyes out gets so horny I throw up

amane watching tsukasa rush to the bathroom and yartz: -FEAR. HAS NEVER SEEN THIS. OH GOD NO- tsukasa. is ill. oh god. oh god no. roachie. oh god. what is this. no. it cant be

あ：no not like this

what a hubris it feels like at the end of this your body is going to feel like its fighting off an infection ahh the ciguatera poisoninggg

つ：i have tampered. with dark magics and i have. been burned

あ：[is like. crying on the bathroom floor]

つ：i can't cope with having seen such a brutally. hot thin. g indeed poor amane this is horrifying for him seeing tsukasa like this

あ：all the manuscripts warned me.. literally

つ：literally i was told to not dark knowledge.. why did i think. i was above it i've been filled with the crazy urge to be stabbed…. ohhhhhh I NEED TO BLANK MY OWN MEMORRRRYYYYY

あ：ITS THE ONLY WAY

つ：THE TIME HAS COME I HAVE TO DO THIS

あ：I cant live life wanting to be stabbed

つ：I KNEW IT WOULD COME. i cannot. be trusted with this… desire and all my. powers i cannot…. i am too powerful to want something this badly

あ：There's a gd timer ticking down

つ：ineed to hurry. before something takes HOLD i was not meant to have this sort of desire it isj ust like… i'm sorry… amane……💔 freezes you💔

such a dramatic scene of like getting his shit ready to wipe it out but shaking hands and stopping and starting like mgmghmgnhgmmhn no maybe i cccc. maybe i can rrresist… noooo NO

あ：the goofy movie devil red lighting

つ：can't i just have one thing . [dark evil voice] once…. NO

あ：stages of grief. oh bargaining. ahhh but i just want to have this memory inside of me please

つ：pleeaakse the peace of knowing there is a version of me that would beg amane while being cut open AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

あ：ohhhh what if im good…. don't take the mental image from me its the most beautiful image i have ever seen

つ：I KNOW HE COULD DO ANYTHING TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I KNOWWWW!!! SLAMS FIST ON THE GROUND

あ：OHH like a bandaid Tsukasa COME ON But this is one of thos emoments where its like why did i trust myself to be the wielder of all this with no one keeping me in check😩

つ：I need some checks and balances…… sigh

あ：ughhh…. BORIng………!!!!!!

つ：..maybe I should finally….. tell Amane……

あ：time to get all wistful

つ：i should finally… tell amane….. about… my magics…. and i should….. give him the power….. to stop me…. [gets horny] hmm. yes this is the right course of action [thinks] wait no. is it?

あ：Now that is doing it right!

つ：NO i was supposed to blank my. memory. …. well, maybe I can do both? I'll write a note… to myself

あ：Yes. ah…. okay.

つ：saying…. tsukasa. you've made the choice to share your secrets with Amane. you need him to hold his own power over you. you need a system for this.

You've just removed something important from your memory. Trust me, it was imperative. It really was. And what that thing was, taught you that this is the next necessary step.

You can never know what it was, but you must hand Amane some sort of tool. You cannot be trusted. You're not infallible. You are weak to things.

あ：There was a draft of this that was like. you saw something far too. incredible-- no. crumples paper

つ：disappears paper

あ：this is like trying to make warnings for radioactivity in the future

つ：it is like that SOOOOO AMAZING SOOOO MIND NUMBINGLY DELICIOUIS

あ：Something that would ruin you foreve You stupid… slut

つ：why can't we just be normal what, can't just walk back fromgm,, seenig amanegm sssztab us>?

あ：Be normal. be normla for once in your life tsukasa… OOHH

つ：mgr,gthm…. hhover abov us pinning….

あ：ahh the perspective… [thinking about it through 1st person POV]

つ：whiels we….. wiggle and plead…,. eagelr,, for mor legs give out

あ：It would be so good to beg.

つ：WHINEs OOOHHHHHHH!!!! stupid. fuckgin

あ：Whjy did you get so distracted conjuring porn in your large boiling flask [has a psychotic break]

つ：fkl;gkfld;hdklh [nakamura screaming over and over above takao but its tsukasa]

あ：[blurred from motion]

つ：Anyway tsukasa waking up on the floor having erased it reading the note is just like ….🎶things have gotten so interesting…!

Aha, okay…. if it was really so severe. I must have meant it. There is evidence all around of a struggle… his hair and clothes unkempt, pulled at… things strewn about. Looks like I really wrestled myself down.

あ：Its funny to wake up like. Tehe. it seems i. went somewhere i shouldnt. well! i must have really been out of my depth if I can no longer be trusted with my own secret… ^w^ … onwards…

つ：A lesson was learned🎶

あ：If I have decided to trust Amane… then I will ❤ But its like smacks lips. idk its not as worrisome as you'd think. somehow amane havijg the control is like………. yes ❤ aw well… it can be lonely you know.

____________________

つ：Anyway. This is all funny actually bc I think at the end of this all amane is given essentially a word command which trigger shuts off Tsukasa’s powers at will and offers him complete control and tsukasa cannot reverse it like he sets it up to be very simple and easy for amane. But then Amane has this in his brain and one day tsukasa is just like finishing a paper or some shit and amane gets to do “stop the post.” But extremely manually and tsukasa is like .

Like . Well I can’t do anything about him just using it now can I. Can’t argue back like “amane that’s not quite what I had in mind…” because it’s …. interesting he is thinking about it AND it’s good he get in the habit of using it… then he won’t be hesitant in the future

It’s good to get accustomed to it casually first really… oh yeah I was also thinking it like compels tsukasa briefly for the first command said. It’s a whole system he rigged to BUT REALLY give amane reigns even despite Tsukasa’s powers

あ：You gave your spoiled toddler the master key unfortunately

つ：I do whatever you’ve said and then they’re gone until you permit them back. Yeah The end result is the spoiled brat has power to compel you

あ：Amane wants mac and cheese NOW!!!

つ：Some day Amane just like. It only compels you for a little, right? And it’s like mhm. Why? Make it longer What if I need you to do more things than one or two

あ：tsukasa coughing like he has black mold in lungs: ahah…. i guess you're right…

つ：That could happen. Hakk Why do I feel an ominous sense of danger…

あ：Somehow this isnt… Safer feeling…❤️‍🔥

つ：Surely isn’t what my past self had in mind

あ：This is like going to teach Amane to have even less tolerance for things than he already does

つ：It is scary and overwhelming but as well like paaants woof Indeed no more seconds of delay

あ：But also i feel like a side effect is whwn Amane is entirely alone its like mghgg… I HATE BEING ALONE!!!! (throws shit) I dont want to tolerate anything anymore [kicks desk] god the stupid tyrant boyking particle simply alive and well

Idk where this terminates but i do think you set Amane up for a real tantrum any day he is just like fed up w everything… i think the most paltry use case would be one day just realizing he can make Tsukasa say specific things and it's like a day you want to just hear something said aloud. like mghhhh tell me i dont have to go to school tomorrow…. like oh just say the words to me

つ：It’s like whoa. Scary to feel the compel make him talk….

あ：(insecure) Tell me you always want to take care of me

つ：PAIN

あ：must feel weird

つ：almost sad to feel the compelling take over like NOOO LET ME SAY IT WITH MY OWN BRAIN AAAAAA

あ：NO BABY JUST ASK!!!!! XU!!!!!

つ：OF COURSE I WIULD ALWAYS SAY SUCH A THING!!!!!! Well the spell doesn’t make me do flourishes I can make sure I say I will always want to take care of you directly in your ear….

あ：must embellish shudders dramatically it's like wait. keep going

つ：What are we doiinnggg💞 I love taking care of you….

あ：[grips your sweater]

つ：I would never want to do anything else. Nothing else is as important…. If this was the only thing left, that would be all that I need

あ：[reduced] … really.

つ：Of course❤️

あ：hueeee….. simmers

つ：This is all any of it is for….

あ：baby needs to hear it. the soothe.

つ：I only want you to be happy. Anything that makes you happy, Amane….

あ：[nods while tucked against]

つ：That’s all I’m ever really trying to do.

あ：… I like that. About you.

つ：Melts

あ：…… I like that it feels… like you're never thinking about anyone else…

つ：Mmmmmmmmmm

あ：👉👈

つ：Screeeee

あ：It's ummm easy. everything else is hard…

つ：You wouldn’t like me tied up in too much else…..

あ：[grips] NO. nooo never ever never.

つ：Heehee….

あ：Don't ever get tied up !!! In other stuff-!!!

つ：Okaaaay❤️ you know I have to do whatever you say…..<3

あ：u…………. yes.

つ：I think the compelling spell is taking me over… maybe magic can get worse, like a virus….❤️

あ：Really.

つ：I think soon, I’ll do anything you say, always, no matter what.

あ：Oh……. ………………

つ：(Not really but he’s so cute I need to make it true xD)

あ：fucking… experiences tongue lolling emotion actually??? looks like. normal hanako for a second its like hm….. …. i like…. the sound of that I hope you get sick.

つ：Ah, you do…..? Ah.

あ：It would be fun.

つ：it would.

あ：n_n …🎶

____________________

つ：I was idly reflecting upon the AU tsukasa rly seeing the normal hanako like a fucked up sex beast It’s just funny for someone to look at hanako like ahhnnng…? Sex BOY

あ：He has wandered there mentally now and again. it is still like… stimulating conceptually it is just funny for someone to be able to perceive the whole look & demeanor as accostingly sexual like jesus…

つ：Nene and tsukasa are just young and innocent in canon Nobody mature looks at hanako

あ：They look at their guy and their little peanuts like vibrate but it can't be so conscious

It's like if Tsukasa wasn't. stunted by such crazy events. and his Amane is so humble that fanciful boy with all his embellishments. gold buttons and whatnot. is just like [tilts down sunglasses] but like the thought of. managing to get your dweeby amane ina gakuran is a funny step 2 like. some real octavius rex shit

つ：We respond unconsciously to it

あ：all done up. but like Meep.

つ：Maybe you put him in the gakuran actually and he’s like damn I feel hot

あ：I think once he looks at his reflection he will feel it actually

つ：Sticks tongue out

あ：but i like to think the first few seconds are like [clueless]

つ：Why did tsukasa want me to try this…. Stands in mirror. Oh hey

あ：Stares Turns around hmmm… [grasps brim of hat] Uah. cool. it looks cool

つ：Kakkoi

あ：kakkoi na....

つ：He is a lame little guy he can simply find it edgy

あ：All black…

つ：Tsukasa, you really just had a dream I wore this? No mouth looking at Amane

あ：Tsukasa in after school hanako kun like 👉👈 about the tea set

Amane is just muttering, wish I could've seen your dream now… sounds fun Does a stretch sits down on a surface and kicks leggies

つ：Hnnnbgngg

あ：If only our uniforms were so stylish we could match.

つ：(Rudely) it wouldn’t really suit you though…. (Amane thinking) you know in.. my…. (chooses to bury immediately) nvm Don’t wanna think about the tsukasa I dreamed about actually

あ：lmao rude… but yes forced to dwell like ah he was ina different……… wait.. nevermind. You cant even begin to crystalize the thought of Tsukasa wearing fanciful pleated things

つ：Like THIS tsukasa? Lol….

あ：She would be interesting

____________________

あ：Fsr this is like a train of thought I've been having like, half-formed before bed for a few days, it's just arbitrarily picking up a sort of "in media res" situation between AU yugi8, where Tsukasa has already set up Amane to get laid and this is the circumstance etc. and Nene is just on the wild ride. The first time Amane puts it in there's this completely wordless acceptance about him finishing inside like. I mean there would be no negotiating it, he's holding Nene extremely tightly in place and buries himself as deeply as possible before doing it. Tsukasa like doesnt, care, because its like [internally] I will just make Nene-chan infertile it's fine. [dismissive] … but it's funny bc Nene herself is also like 💭 it's fine i'll. find a spell. her. what-EVER. everyone's just like swallowing this down whatever. except Amane really who isnt having a single solitary thought about any consequence.

… no one in the situation is really prone to thinking about meaningful consequences of nut inside (not a braincell between you all wrt this stuff) but BUT, I think Nene could feel a way about… like… what the gesture itself means coming from Amane… like, even if it doesn't scare her, I think the subsequent instances of being nutted in will make her a little more "." …. quietly thinking about this… in the simple sense of, 'ah… Amane-kun really doesn't… think he ought to, ask or, anything, d-does he…' It's kind of scary lol, he's so serious during sex each time actually, and she's already seeing a degree of ehm. Passion. that hasn't existed elsewhere. She's been totally flipped on and ensnared and this is crazy and all. Scary. but like //// i mean accepts. Oh I'll do whatever I have to. [gets on all fours]

and like in general thinking about Nene having to really load in. digest. Amane's selfishness. really feeling like a piece of meat. It's the complete lack of conversations or asking if things are OK before doing them

つ：the charm of amane being the Normal Boy and therefor you read his actions like he's just normal, not aware you have an extra layer of relative control due to magic and don't face mundane problems so much….

あ：Uhuh. like from HIS perspective…

つ：Amane-- in all realities. shall never even be a pull-out king, much less a condoms boy. he's so far from it. he's far too indulgent of a person….

あ：Not gonna do it. and not going to open a dialogue about how you feel about it

つ：its funny, most boys (especially shy ones) are like aahh no wait not my… gross come in your mouth… tries to pull out…. but Amane will definitely just shove to the back and come down your throat. he is not thinking about it

あ：it's just like, baseline, this is the sex we are having pulls her forward by the hair as he does it

つ：in the moment he is only: FEELS GOOD FOR ME

あ：it's like OH GOD I NEED IT DEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!! not going to compromise even a fraction of it w but this is a Nene that can really appreciate being reduced to like her pussy . SUPREMELY OBJECTIFIED….

つ：I think Amane's problem in all realities is this inability to resist a vice

あ：a sort of negative self control base stat

つ：deep down all nene are down to be reduced this one just. will have less of a crisis about processing it and already knows she is a skank

あ：simply leaning into it. oh let the bodies hit th flor I think his rudeness is just stunning but in a way that leaves you fascinated. like finally Amane has some gumption to pull you both out of the middle of class but its because want to fuck. in a closet or something. and it's like jesus….

i think a lot about the scene in oyasumi punpun where aiko is liek nnno my period… [stopping hand] but this just means it fluidly transitions to a blowjob I really imagine its like. this kind of wordlessness

つ：its like oh i see. [changes course]

あ：if its like ohghmh fh im sore…. its like blink. okay.. [tugs down]

つ：mouth is fine tho

あ：nothing wrong with that [still unzipped and all]

Tsukasa lauds her graciousness with it all. nene-chan… faito

つ：he's like awe what a good girlie… I thinkt his is waht canon tsukasa feels about nene too, really! like just pleased with her gumption and her commitment! its all like… ah you really DO like Amane❤️

あ：i think the funniest circumstance is one though where Nene is like doing small spells to like do basically a plan b style kill da sperm. but Tsukasa has wordlessly made her barren

つ：I already have everything set in place girl its funny if she can actually notice this. and then later tsukasa is just like grin❤️ [FEELS.. VIOLATED. BUT FINE]

あ：winks its the most unchill thing ever liek you know how the world generally regards fertility

つ：its like lol you cannot entrap my prince a moment nene is just like … aware even if she was insane and wanted something. tsukasa is the. more potent wizard so. m

あ：😜 tsukasa is like. the ref. like.💔 I'm sorry. but my baby doesn't need that stress He'd just get all nervous. poor thing. Our priority is Amane… naturally.

つ：she's gotta submit .. it is… probably a good thing amane has tsuaksa there… if it was another girl, you know… someone ah, crazy in a different way… well, you can see how amane is. vulnerable

あ：

I think in moments like this Nene feels quietly put in her place. not like it's what Tsukasa is trying to do, its just that, sometimes you can forget there is this element going on and then you are reminded and it's like "ah…." 🙇‍♀️…

other things i thought about briefly was like. well in general this Amane confronting urges like, in real time with himself, this whole forray is such a case of activating sleeper cells. that i like the thought of not even meaning to, but being a lot rougher with Tsukasa one day, and this entrances everyone in the room to witness.. like it's a first time thing. we've gotten acclimated to Amane being kind of uncouth and rough from sheer eagerness, but not with like, something as pointed and unprompted as just grabbing Tsuaksa by the throat while he was speaking. not even saying something he didn't like -- i mean, if anything, saying something he really liked…… it's like everyone goes quiet because of how different the energy got. for a second. but it's like flying too close to the sun for a sec and amane releases while feeling mystified like… 6.6

?? ………… ?? [guy who doesnt watch porn voice] what the…

つ：Amane who is usually not… stopped by anything. and tsukasa as well is not typically altered in expression-- ah I feel like.. nene typically in fleeting moments during sex with Amane… looks around the room, and, it feels like tsukasa is a static figure-- just with a ^^ expression always, pleasant and watching. you fade in and out, you sometimes forget he's there, you sometimes are so focused on amane….. but when he fades into view, he's never any different, whatever is happening-- however rough or easy amane is being

あ：The baseline serenity this Tsukasa kind of maintains

つ：I think it adds something… mm I think she'd actually… come to like this… feeling, subconciously, of being the 'disadvantaged' one… once she completely understands how Tsukasa is with Amane… you know that… if Amane wanted to do something… anything… Tsukasa would not stop him. He would stop you, from stopping him.

she could fight Amane 1 on 1, she has magic as a trump card, as well as Amane not being-- er--strong or particularly capable physically, she's squirrely and wiley and somewhat trained in self-defense as a witch… and yet, that sort of proactivenss about her safety… doesn't mean anything if Tsukasa is here

but subconciously that feels…. good. feels good to be bottom rung you sortof… dont know about your own, fetishes

but it would be a little sad to be able to overpower amane objectively. this nene is a self-possessed person, she has skills and confidence and is a skank, she is liberated….. but that's not her true heart's desire, to be Amane's cool witch gf

あ：One couldn't even say Tsukasa "balances" things as much as he completely skews things entirely in Amane's favor only. This isn't like things even out 50/50, it's… more like all points get put in Amane's basket. Perhaps before this Nene thought Tsukasa was more self-motivated and wanton, doing things for his own sake, and not afraid to string along his brother. futsu little Amane. but in reality all of Tsukasa's whims are like irrelevant in the face of whatever Amane desires. and… in reality, most of his magic, attention, effort, revolves around Amane.

I like that one has to think of Tsukasa as clever in this world, there's no other way to word it. like 5 steps ahead of you and totally disaffected by anything you pull. just like hehe ^^ cute of you. … you know if anything happened, he'd have a better reaction time than you ever could

the sheer loyalty also means there's just 0 hesitation about anything. this is someone who would disregard your autonomy to any degree in an instance. if it is what Amane wanted.

… but idk i think it must be interesting to be aware of all of this… but also know there's no ill intent towards you he does like you

つ：he has the world's most pristine sublimation of flight or fight reflex and can think on the fly and it will be all means be in Amane's favor every time so 'trying anything' is only asking for yourself to get dunked

あ：You cannot fight it sometimes i think the optics are kind of cute, it slike…….. in truth………………….. tsukasa is like the "familiar"……… but being a slave to someone who has no magic skills and doesnt even know you do magic. idk it all seems so cerebral doesnt it like damn tsukasa

つ：I wish Nene in canon could. like understand this is also her circumstance you know

[pizzastallion]

Sorry to the mutuals who already know about this but it’s still taking up so much brain space and I haven’t figured out a resolution yet.

My job is Private Practice Therapist, so I give people therapy and their insurance company pays me. No salary, I get paid per session. I work in a larger practice, they take 50% of what insurance pays me. In exchange they’re supposed to do 2 things.

- interact with insurance so I don’t have to

- find me clients

They’ve been doing a terrible job at the latter. I have very few clients, so I have very little income. 2 weeks ago I have a meeting with the guy who runs the larger practice (an older gay man), and I’m like “hey where are the clients? Everyone else has clients, I need income.”

His response was “the people this practice is set up to bring in as clients don’t want a trans therapist sorry.” While I’m still reeling from that he gives me 3 options

- pretend to be cis, stop being trans when I come into work

- do a bunch of unpaid labor to advertise myself (a service for which he’s already taking 50% of my paychecks)

- go work somewhere else

In the most professional way I can I ask “why the fuck would you even suggest the first option?” He tells me he suggested it bc he already convinced the 1 other trans therapist at the practice to do that.

Once again I’m reeling. He has another meeting to go to so he leaves.

I still have no idea what to do.

P.S. I spoke to the other trans therapist later and he said “yeah I hate that I had to do that, but I felt like I didn’t have a choice.” Like wtf is going on here.

I should add that I live in a fairly liberal area of the US. This is not at all the kind of place where you’d expect people to have to closet themselves for work.

[rbl-m1a2tanker]

Droppin some thoughts (is long)

So, I've got some thoughts I want to send out.  Things that have been percolating in the back of my mind for a long while.  Some folks may not agree with them, which is fine, you're allowed to think differently from me of course.  But if it bothers you to the point of anger or being offended, you've got bigger problems and should really look deep within yourself.  Or don't.  I mean, I'm not your dad, can't make you do anything.  :P

But as I was saying.  

Change is inevitable, for good or bad.  Society has been changing since time immemorial.  It's just part of human nature that things will change and adapt and co-opt as new information or awareness becomes part of our social fabric.  There are people who will dig in their heels or stomp their feet and scream and fight against it, sometimes even violently.  There are people who will grind their teeth and grouse that we're not going far enough.  And then there's everyone else that's between that.  It's a bell curve.  Most of us probably reside in that middle area for most subjects, and may lean further in one direction or the other on specific things.  

Those specific things are pretty hot button items, exacerbated and built up far more as forms of dog whistles, misdirection, bad faith arguing, whataboutism, fear mongering and outright hate.  Things like:

Gun Control Abortion Trans-gender people Gay people Ableism 'wokeism'

Some of you may already be getting your hackles up just at the mentions.  :P And some of you may be ready to cry out that I'm some liberal pinko communist twinkle-toe hippie (or some variation of that) on what I'm going to say about those subjects above, but let's get this out of the way first: I do not identify as Liberal or Conservative.  Maybe Progressive, but I don't know as much about that particular leaning as I probably should, so I won't swear to that one. What I am is very much anti-authoritarian assholes, regardless of which direction they lean, such as Republican or Democrat in the US.  I'm also pragmatic and a historian.  I'll come back to that last bit in a moment.  Let me just break into each of those subjects above with quick snippets of my thoughts.

Wokeism: first off, what the hell stupid shit is that?  'You're too WOKE!'  Soooo...you want to be 'asleep' and basically be a 'sheep' who follows blindly?  That sounds amazingly dumb.  And kinda dangerous.  Here's the thing: we have a greater awareness of things than we did before, and we're more plugged in to what's going on in the world than we did before.   This is a GOOD thing.  To be a good citizen and member of society, you need to be aware of not just what's going on locally, but also nationally, cause the national shenanigans that take place can and will affect you locally too.  So people claiming things like the US military is too 'woke' is...god, so facepalm worthy.  The military is a reflection of our society, and in more pragmatic terms, they what to make sure that they have an effective fighting force, which  means you need to draw from as large a pool of recruits as you can.  The US military though is incredibly resistent to change (looking at you, Marines).  So calling them 'woke' is stupid.  The term in general is stupid.  And frankly, some of the things that people who are anti-woke are going on about are things that should actually be considered courteous.  

That leads to the subjects of trans-gender and gay people.  More people are comfortable coming out and owning what they feel they are.  I personally don't feel that way, and I straight up don't understand it, but I also don't have a problem with it.  You know why?  Because ITS NOT ABOUT ME.  Let them do their own thing.  They want to date someone of the same sex, knock yourself out.  You feel your brain is wired in a way that makes you uncomfortable in your skin and so changing yourself physically is the only way to correct it?  Well, I don't get it and personally feel it's kinda odd or weird, but I'm also coming from a position of being comfortable in my skin and my sexuality, so I cannot truly internalize what it's like to think or feel that way.  

But I can be courteous.  I can accept that this is a thing you did or are doing.  Its not my thing, but then, it's not about me.  It's about them.  So, I'm at least aware of it and if I misstep and use a wrong pronoun or make a joke that doesn't come across right, then I just need to be corrected and I will do my best to adjust myself.  It's courteous, it's polite, and it's respectful.  Because, again, it's not about me.  I'm going to screw up.  I've been on this planet 43 years now, so I've got a lot of engrained behaviors in place.  It's going to happen, usually when I'm not thinking about it.  I acknowledge this, but I also accept that I can adjust myself too.  It's just gunna take time and practice.  I can do that.  Cause there's nothing wrong with being courteous.  I don't have to understand it to be able to take it in stride and adjust course.  Maybe I won't even like it, but...it really doesn't matter if I like it or not.  In the end, it's a non-issue, or at least should be treated as such.  

On the subject of Ableism, I don't really understand that very well, which is something I will try to dig into further to come to grips with it, but my initial thought is that our position should be the same as above: be respectful and courteous.  Don't mistreat someone just because you don't agree with or like what they are.  Seems like common sense to me, but common sense is just not as common as one would think (and probably varies greatly depending on your area and what everyone there thinks is common sense).  

Now, on Abortion and Gun Control, here's where my historian background comes into play a bit.  

Did you know that the NRA used to help craft gun control legislation?  Yea, that organization that lobbies soooo very hard to stop any attempts at gun control ever since the time of Charlton Heston and Columbine, used to be totally in favor of it and helped to make it happen (until gun companies had their own people get leadership positions and wrenched the organization away from a focus of responsible gun ownership and more into a shield for the gun industry).  And Abortion?  That also wasn't a problem decades ago.  But now both have been made into massive issues by interests that like to either protect their profit margins, or to stir the pot and clamp down on peoples autonomy.  

My thoughts: we do need to have an actual conversation and do deeper research when it comes to gun control.  Because I feel that there should be some in place, and the Supreme Court has even confirmed that at times.  Hell, I wrote a paper on it in college making that point.  But we have to have that conversation, come to some concensus about certain aspects of firearms, instead of just screaming "NO! MY SECOND AMENDMENT!" (slightly exaggerating the reaction).  And abortion is something that is a very deeply personal situation that should really only involve the principles involved (aka the potential parents) and that the option shouldn't be restricted or taken away, cause most of the opposition to it is religious based (and they really don't seem to care what happens to the child and parent after the child is born..hmm, interesting).  If you take that option away, they're just going to find a way to do it anyway.  And it'll probably be a lot more dangerous.  

Am I equating those two subjects as being similar?  No.  Am I hypocrtical in saying we should be more restrictive with guns but less so on abortion?  "If they're just going to get an abortion anyway, then if you restrict guns they'll just get it anyway and make themselves criminals!"  That's a bad faith argument right there.  They're two very different subjects that require their own specificly crafted solutiona, and conflating the two and claiming I'm being hypocritical is a bullshit argument to make.  And conviently ignores my points as a way to be dismissive of them and not actually try to work on solutions to the benefit of society.

Am I going to provide sources for these things?  Honestly, not in depth.  But here's one quick example for the gun control and abortion bits: "The NRA assisted Roosevelt in drafting the 1934 National Firearms Act and the 1938 Gun Control Act, the first federal gun control laws" - time.com

On abortion, from wikipedia (not a primary source, but does have a decent bibliography to good sources that go more in depth if you want): "Abortion has existed in North America since the European colonization of the Americas,[21] was a fairly common practice, and was not always illegal or controversial.[22][23] " [21] = article Abortion in early America [22] = book When Abortion Was a Crime: Women, Medicine and the Law in the United States, 1867-1973 [23] = article The complex early history of abortion in the United States - National Geographic

To sum up: people should be allowed to live their lives without being hassled or restricted based on things like religious beliefs (which you can have, but YOUR religious belief does not and should not dictate what goes on in my life or anyone elses).  

Also, evangenlicals, shut up about being 'oppressed.' You're not being oppressed, get over yourselves and stop playing at being a victim.  I don't see any of you being arrested and shoved in any camps, or followed and hassled by cops just because you go to church.  

Just treat people respectfully, courteously, and politely.  You don't have to agree with their decision, but it doesn't matter if you agree or not.  It's not YOUR life, it's theirs.  But if you attempt to force your beliefs on others, you're in the wrong.  Period.  And frankly, if you don't want to be around them...don't?  It's not that difficult to just...not be around them?  They probably don't want to be around you either.  And if they're an asshole, then definitely don't be around them.  Otherwise, just don't worry about it.  

Last note: I have pretty much written all this off the cuff and have not shown it to others to get their thoughts in advance, or dug around for sources beyond the quick ones I dropped up above.  This is the 'raw and unedited' version. :P Take it or leave it.  

No TL/DR version.  I'm lazy at this point and don't wanna try to sum it up.