#her side story hurt

[serpentface]

Hibrides and Brakul having the world’s saddest booze-fueled girl’s night, probably a few months before the start of the story.

Anyway here's an extensive rundown of their shared history.

Hibrides Uryashta was the eldest daughter of a chancellor of the imperial city-state of Erubinnos (his lordship Erub Uryashta). She was brought up with great privilege and security, but (like most daughters of noblemen) was destined to be used as a bargaining chip in a political marriage arrangement. She was taken from her friends and family and moved to the city of Wardin at the age of 16 to complete her pledged marriage with Janeys Haidamane, the failson of the trade magnate Haidamane family. Janeys spent about a week poorly attempting to behave like a husband, and then took the first excuse to flee and engage in a petty military campaign against raiders on the Yellowtail trade route. She found herself left alone in his villa for three years with only hired servants for company. She made a few attempts to break into the city's elite social scene, but was quite shy and failed to make any headway.

Brakul had just spent a year and a half in a bit of a whirlwind. He was brought into a skirmish at the behest of an allied clan, who had been raiding the Yellowtail route and now was under attack by combined forces of an enemy clan and Imperial Wardi mercenaries. He killed one of the mercenary commanders and was captured as a prisoner of war, but was spared at Janeys' behest (who fucking hated that guy thought it was awesome that he got killed with a rock) and was ultimately recruited into the group. He had a chance to go back home, but actively chose to deadbeat dad out on his wife and child to be with his newfound lovequest, Janeys. He spent a year and a half as a mercenary, bonded closely with Janeys and swore brotherhood with him, and was eventually brought home to the city of Wardin with him. He found himself in the odd position of being simultaneously scorned as a foreigner and 'heathen', and the legal kin of one of the richest families in the city (and effectively the secret male concubine of their only male heir).

It was in this context that the two of them met, with Hibrides now being 19 and Brakul turning 27.

The two were initially wary of each other (Hibrides was particularly put off by his 'heathen' status) but bonded very quickly, partly due to their mutual states of being unmoored from their old lives, but in large part being just a natural chemistry. They had a lot of common interests and enjoyed learning from each other. Hibrides introduced him to traditional verse poetry (of which she was very fond). Brakul taught her how to ride khait, and even gave her a gelding from his own collection as a gift. They became very close friends over the next couple of years and spent much of their free time together.

A big part of the dynamic was that both of them are gay in a cultural context where there is no concept of Being gay, marriages are usually arranged and always between a man and a woman, and having children is a societal expectation. Each of them began to see the other as an ideal husband/wife, ie "if I had to marry why couldn't it have been him/her?". For Hibrides' part, Brakul had all the traits she would want in a husband: he was a pretty good friend and easy to get along with, he seemed like he'd do an excellent job of fulfilling expected roles as a husband and father (she didn't know about the wife and kid for a while), he treated her as an equal, and, most of all, had no interest whatsoever in fucking her. They were both in a sort of platonic emotional affair, and grew to love each other deeply.

Hibrides was pretty quick to catch on that something was going on between Brakul and Janeys, and found it strange and offputting but ultimately none of her concern. Her husband only being interested in his sworn brother and leaving her to her own devices suited Hibrides just fine, and Brakul always just kinda being There meant she was living with what had become her closest friend.

The stable state of this Feelings Triangle began to change in the wake of the brilliant plan to get Janeys (gay) (probably infertile) children he could pass off as legitimate via a Brakul/Hibrides pregnancy. It was something all three agreed to as a necessity; it was already drawing scrutiny that Janeys and Hibrides had been married for several years without a pregnancy, and producing heirs is a societal expectation and a central point of an arranged marriage between wealthy elites.

It was especially critical in this case, given Janeys was his family's only male child and only hope of continuing the family line, given both his golden-child sister Faiza and black sheep half sister Couya were Odonii, and thus sworn virgins and would never marry. (There's also a level to this that Janeys was regarded as a complete disappointment by his parents, and his mother made damn sure he knew that his only value at this point was to produce a better male heir to inherit the business. So this was a big fucking deal to him, and to Brakul by extension).

This was also not a route any of them wanted to take on any personal level, least of all Hibrides. She consented to the pregnancy and everything it entailed, but it was inevitably a painful and distressing experience all around. She had never wanted to be a mother to begin with (though had long accepted it as an inevitability), and now found herself with an infant daughter, which only meant it would have to happen again (they needed a male heir after all). And it would be utter social suicide and a profound shame upon her if the child's illegitimacy was discovered, which only added to the stress.

To make things worse, her first pregnancy shifted the entire dynamic with her husband and brother-in-law/best friend. Janeys changed from completely indifferent to actively spiteful and hostile towards her, and things had become extremely uncomfortable between Hibrides and Brakul. It only got worse with Brakul (the only one of them who actually WANTS kids) (kind of haunted by skipping out on his first child) finding it unbearable to be so close to HIS daughter and having to keep up an act that she was not his own, having no direct role in the kids life. He desperately wanted to be a father.

Hibrides, who was going through a fucking lot, started to become vindictive towards him for his role in things. She resented him more than Janeys, because Brakul insisted he cared about her and would desperately try to pretend things were normal, while consistently siding with Janeys against her wishes, including in preventing her from getting a divorce. (His excuse is that the children's legitimacy would be interrogated in a legal setting, which Is likely and Would be absolute social suicide with very real consequences. But the real reason on his part is that if she got out of the marriage, he might never see her or the children again). Hibrides began to do everything in her power to prevent him from having any relationship with his bastard children, even in secret or under the guise of a relative. Sort of an “if I have to suffer to keep up this facade so should you” thing.

They had two children in a span of three years, two girls (ruh roh!) named Erubi and Livya. By this point, Hibrides and Brakul were both experiencing what we would now call Clinical Depression and Alcohol Use Disorder (especially in the latter's case). Hibrides started to have affairs with both men and women, which she was sure to be very obvious about to insult Janeys and Brakul, but was mostly out of loneliness. Brakul turned his complete focus to Janeys and started avoiding Hibrides entirely, in hopes that she would become desperate enough to be willing to make amends (shockingly, this did not happen, and the rift only deepened).

In the present, their relationship status is: fucked. Both of them do still love each other on some level, but this is probably beyond repair. What little time they've spent with each other in the past year is sitting around being miserable and getting plastered. And now Hibrides, Janeys, and Brakul are all forced into the public eye on the pilgrimage together, and with a third child on the way. So that's probably going to be everyone's problem.

[sketching-shark]

Been a couple of years, but I still think fondly of Grace Monroe from Infinity Train for achieving that very rare redemption arc narrative of "the people you hurt are allowed to sever all ties, and you can still become a better, happier person."

[iwasbored777]

"But why did Gwen push Miles away like that if she loves him so much?" You ask as if in the same movie we didn't watch her father, the person she loves more than anything and the person that she thought that loves her more than anything, disown her right away because he learned one thing about her that he didn't like.

[fusionsprunt]

Hunter what the FUCK-

.

[goldeneyedgirl]

Ficmas24 NYE: Infidelityverse

Happy New Year, everyone!

This one was requested by my beloved beautlilies, and I am powerless to resist her whims.

This universe is getting a massive overhaul in the rewrite. Pondering it for a hot minute, I really want to explore Jasper's 'addiction' to emotions, his fucked up relationship with Maria, Alice's absolute disconnect from humanity, how hard she's worked to build the Cullen version of herself from a blank slate, and who she is when that's not something that makes her happy anymore, Bella's fascination and fixation on becoming a vampire, and the absolutely messy dynamic of the Cullen family and their stunted, unchanging roles in the family hierarchy. I don't want there to be a singular 'villain'; just a lot of flawed people making choices that result in consequences. And as it stands right now, it's very flat and not quite as complex as I want it to be. So hopefully I can sit down and smash out the new version of the first chapter sometime soon.

This particular section kind of blends both versions, but it takes on the new timeline - this second takes place about 3 years after Twilight; Bella is still human and attending college with Edward.

I hope you enjoy it - I also thought it was unfair that the second half of STL AU was today's post when it was never intended to be split into two posts, so that will be up in the next few days.

Happy New Year, and I hope 2025 is beautiful for you - manifesting health, happiness, wealth, and just really delicious snack.

--

It’s a while before she sees any of them again in person. She’s doing fine on her own. (They all forget that part of her, that she was alone for twenty years. She was reborn alone, and it has clung to her ever since. Maybe that’s why she was such a shit wife.)

Rosalie reaches out, asking to meet them in Prague, and Alice appreciates that Rose isn’t trying to track her down, burst in her front door like finding her is the key to putting everything back together again. The idea of any of them being in her little house feels kind of threatening; it’s really the first time she’s had her own household.

Before she met Jasper, there were boarding houses or empty houses that she broke into for a day or two. The beach houses and real estate she’d owned with Jasper were still considered part of the family’s portfolio, still watched over by Esme who did all of the maintenance and restoration. This is the first time she’s ever had to manage on her own, and she doesn’t want them to look around and judge it. To see how she’s not as good as Esme at making it a home, that she’s forgotten some obvious detail of playing house as a human.

(Esme would make a lot of comments about decorating, because it’s still very… utilitarian. Most of the props she bought for the kitchen are still in their packages, crammed into the hallway closet. But there’s something very grounding about being a ghost in this house.)

She writes back to Rose that she would like to see her and Emmett, and then she packs for Prague - mostly the clothing she thinks of as her armor because she bought it and wears it exclusively for seeing her family. It’s all timeless styles because she doesn’t have the energy to maintain the wardrobe she used to.

(Apparently a broken heart sucks all the joy out of those things she used to love. But she’s started designing again, started drawing up patterns, so maybe this is just a new era.)

It’s before dawn when she leaves, but there aren’t any neighbours to spy or gossip. She’s the only property on this road. It’s a village that’s slowly disappearing, as the residents die off. She’s treated with indifference, as a foreigner in a town full of people who have known each other for the best part of a century.

//

Rose and Emmett find her in Prague, sitting at a coffee shop with tea in front of her, and Rosalie is genuinely pleased to see her sister again. Alice is a contradiction in every single way Rose can think of; somehow the most steady and consistent of them all whilst being a whirlwind of possibility. Emmett once compared cornering Alice to herding cats, but Rosalie has always privately thought it would be more like catching a hummingbird blindfolded.

But this is not that version of Alice. Emmett has always said that the worst thing was that day she sat down on the couch next to him, rigid and blank. That he never knew how much energy and effort she put into being Alice until it wasn’t worth it to her anymore.

“I guess we should be grateful she didn’t wasn't mad enough to become a supervillain or join the Volturi or something.” Emmett had carelessly said that in the family meeting after she left for France, and it had started an argument big enough to go down in the family’s history.

But Rosalie never forgot it because Emmett was right. If Alice had ever had a taste for doling out consequences and vengeance, she could have brought hell down around them. Hell, Rosalie would probably have encouraged her.

Perhaps this was better though; this calm but guarded monolith of a woman - Rosalie had spoken to Jasper when he returned with the financial records from France, and Alice’s appearance and behaviour had shaken some modicum of realization into him, that this wasn't going to be like every single other time. Rose hadn’t been particularly sympathetic, and pointed out that it had taken Alice sixty years to grow a spine and walk away.

Jasper hadn’t spoken to her for two weeks. Something about Alice now had cut Jasper to the bone, and maybe that was more satisfying than burning everything to the ground.

Alice looks well, her eyes a toffee shade, and her outfit is perfectly on point for the early winter’s day, in shades of black and grey - it just doesn’t look like something she would have worn back in Forks. Rose’s lilac winter coat looks almost childish against Alice’s outfit.

She’s missed her sister.

“Rose!” The smile on Alice’s face is genuine, and she rises to hug her, and then Emmett.

//

Alice is clearly not happy to be blindsided by Jasper and Carlisle’s arrival on the third day, but they move past it. They fill their days together with museums and shopping, Emmett doing a lot of the heavy lifting to fill in silences - especially when Esme pushes a little too hard.

When Carlisle and Jasper do arrive, there is no displeasure expressed, none of the dramatics Rosalie herself would have indulged in. Alice greets them both sweetly; no hugs, but with a quasi warmth in her voice. As the day progresses, not once does Alice make a pointed comment, a little jab in Jasper’s direction, an underhanded joke at her husband’s (oh, Rose has to stop thinking of them like that) behaviour. But this version of Alice, it’s impossible to guess what she’s thinking as they make their way through galleries and museums. There are no lingering looks, no longing gazes, and by the end of the day Rosalie has decided that her sister is behaving like a fucking airline hostess without even a glimmer of independent thought.

(Jasper behaves too, it must be said. He’s very polite, maintains all of Alice’s boundaries in their conversations, and doesn’t even try to touch her. Rose wonders if that’s one of the reasons Alice is dressed in layer upon layer of winter clothing; so that if Jasper reaches out, he still won't be able to hold her.)

It’s not until after the orchestral performance that it all goes to shit because Carlisle really cannot help but champion Edward at every possible moment, as if the harmony they’ve achieved this visit is the foundation for a return to the status quo and not the new world that frankly Rosalie and Esme have worked fucking hard to get to with Alice. But then Carlisle hasn’t been the one gently luring Alice back into contact with cautious emails and texts.

“I understand that this will be controversial,” Carlisle says, as they sit on the balcony of the penthouse Esme has optimistically purchased. It does need a lot of work, and it’s a nice project, but if Alice lives anywhere nearby, she’ll relocate now. “But Bella gave me this to pass along to you.”

Alice’s face goes blank as Carlisle slides the envelope across the table and for a split-second, so quick that Rosalie thinks she might have imagined it, she sees the hurt on Alice’s face at the sudden comprehension that this visit has been hijacked into an attempt at reconciliation.

Rosalie doesn’t even need to look at Jasper; she can feel the anger rolling off him like heat.

“You can return it to her.” Alice’s voice is firm as she slides the letter back towards Carlisle.

“Alice, I understand your anger and I support you making your own way, but both Edward and Bella miss you terribly. We all do. It’s not the same without you around,” Carlisle says earnestly, and Rosalie is fascinated by the reactions of the family - Jasper’s glaring at Carlisle with a look that could kill; Emmett looks dejected at the inevitable blow-up of their visit; Esme is staring at the table top looking upset. “Bella wants to make amends; I know she hopes you’ll be at the wedding in the summer. I promised Bella I would see that you received the letter.”

Alice nods, but her face is guarded as she stares at the letter before picking it up; Jasper flinches like he’s going to take it from her but steadies himself when she looks over.

No one is surprised when the evening ends shortly afterwards; Carlisle is visibly disappointed that Alice doesn’t open the letter in front of them, and the ease of her departure, claiming a red-eye flight back to wherever she’s been holed up (knowing Alice, there will be three separate flights under two different identities so that they can’t find her. There’s always been that streak of paranoia in her sister, one that Carlisle and Jasper both blamed on her nomadic years alone and Rosalie secretly blamed on how many people had let Alice down.)

Rosalie is the only one not surprised when, as Alice walks towards the door with her suitcase in tow, she pauses to rip the envelope in half and then quarters before tossing it in the garbage.

They all stand in silence as the door closes behind her, and Esme whirls around on Carlisle instantly, looking furious.

“She would already know what it said.” Jasper stops the argument in its tracks and Rosalie is grateful; there’s something about watching Esme and Carlisle argue that makes the world feel like it’s off its axis. “She probably saw Bella write it.”

// The invitation feels like an obscenity in front of her. It’s also tacky as fuck. Edward Mason Cullen & Isabella Marie Swan invite you to celebrate their marriage…

She was still invited to their fucking wedding after she binned Bella’s letter. Edward had left a voice mail after that, and it was one of those times she wanted to strangle her brother, to get him to understand that sometimes apologies weren’t enough. Sometimes the damage was too great to rebuild. He’d told her how disappointed he was that she hadn’t accepted Bella’s olive branch.

(Maybe she’d dashed off a text, asking Edward if he’d read the stupid fucking letter. If he knew that Bella’s jumbled thoughts boiled down to her trying to find any way possible to achieve eternal life - or restless death - and stay at Edward’s side forever no matter what the collateral damage was. We can fix this, Bella had written earnestly, as if Alice were equally responsible for the wreckage Bella wrought. Edward had just asked her to consider responding, and she’d blocked him for a week in response.)

When she holds the invitation up, she lets the visions slip into place.

If she accepts, a blue dress so dark its nearly black. More revealing that she would have thought, but with thin straps elaborately criss-crossed across her back, like a net. Charlie Swan is surprised and pleased to see her, and makes some awkward comments that Bella had said they’d fallen out before Alice left. Renee appears, introducing herself and urging Alice to go upstairs and greet Bella, that Bella will be overjoyed Alice chose to attend.

There is a look of confusion and concern when Alice’s ice cold response, “I’ll see the bride after the ceremony,” finds its target. Perhaps she pointedly sits on the groom’s side in the far corner, as far away from Bella’s side as possible.

After the ceremony, photographs. She excuses herself after two - one with the Swans and Cullens, and one with just the Cullens. She pretends not to hear the photographer suggest one of all the women together and stalks off to the reception. Carmen and Eleazer greet her, they speak. She finds a table in a dark corner, and watches proceedings from there. A few Forks High students find her, clearly looking for gossip, and she offers them just enough for Jessica and Angela to side-eye Bella and Jasper for the rest of the night. Petty but satisfying.

Jasper finds her just before the cake cutting, and takes a seat opposite her. And then it blurs and they’re in the woods together, pressed against a tree as he fumbles for his belt and gathers up the skirt of her dress and that jolts her right out of the vision, tossing the invitation onto the table and stalking into the living room, irritation practically rolling off her.

It’s not set in stone - nothing is - but she feels oddly sick that the wedding is going to make her so bitter, so angry, so raw. She’s not sure if what she’s found is peace or apathy, but it’s so much easier than how she was before that giving it up feels like she’s betraying herself and every single moment of the last four years.

[moeblob]

Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.

Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.

[shannonallaround]

After pondering on it for several days, I have officially decided I did not like the direction of KFP4 and have banished it from my brain. It is no longer canon. KFP4? What's that? Don't know what you're talking about.

[the-vibing-ghoul]

some people will be all about mental health awareness and leftist ideals of at least tolerating the mentally ill who show ''ugly'' symptoms until it's someone they know and ''care'' about having a bad day and acting like it in a way they don't find appealing

[mazzy-rockstar]

Monday blues are hitting me hard today

[miswaken]

would also just like to say that I obviously love alice as a character, and I very much do not think she is an inherently bad / manipulative / abusive person — which is unfortunately a take I see pop up in the tags from time to time. yes, lying to alan to get him to bright falls for therapy was wrong of her and she knows that. but I think it’s important to remember that the first game takes place after years of alan being a depressed, self-destructive, and occasionally violent (not with alice of course but still) addict. that doesn’t make what she did right, but she’s human and flawed and was very likely at the end of her rope. the bright falls ballad section of herald of darkness flat out says that alice was drowning under the weight of alan’s worst traits and if he’d noticed and addressed it himself maybe this never would’ve happened. the song also says the trip was the last shot at saving their marriage. things were bad! and I think it’s deeply unfair to pin all of it on her like she was some evil uncaring wife who just wanted to institutionalize him and be done with it. and honestly I think it’s also a bad read to assume that she didn’t try to get him help in less direct ways before that, which he probably refused?

similarly, I have to assume she tried other things before the “make him think I’m dead so he hits rock bottom and finally accepts the worst of himself” plan. there’s six years between when the hauntings start and when alice jumps into the lake. you really think she didn’t exhaust all other ideas before that? based on barry’s emails she jumps sometime in the spring of 2023 and the game takes place in september. so again that’s a couple months of attempts before we see the game loop, and considering dark place time isn’t real that’s gods know how many loops of trial and error before we get to these ones that finally work. I don’t think there’s any reason to believe that the fakeout suicide was her first and only method of guiding alan.

I could write an essay about the “voyeuristic and manipulative” (ty sam lake for using the words I’ve been using lol) nature of alice’s role in the story and how it reflects the very nature of her artistic medium itself. and I do think there’s an element of her being desensitized to the Horrors a bit and she’s definitely tunnel visioned trying to get this right. but again, this is last ditch desperation at play. she’s navigating these horrible life situations and literal nightmare scenarios as best she can while trying to drag alan out of his hole at the same time. and while her handling of it all might not be perfect she is a haunted woman with problems of her own who is simply trying her best!!

[twojamie-o-clock]

How to explain to RTD that Zoe is, first and foremost, aroace, and that if she did marry it certainly wouldn’t be to a man.

[hojiteaversion]

...this is a man who knows she will ACTUALLY kill him if he crosses that line, and while that would be hot, he's not suicidal 🙌

[iwasbored777]

Everyone is talking about Gwen being jealous of Margo but no one's talking about Gwen, knowing that Miles is mad at her, took Margo in her band to go save Miles together cuz this isn't about her feelings, it's about Miles' safety. And if that's not love idk what is.

[vancalox]

i was so set on replaying veilguard for the davrinmance but oh my god im SO attached to my agent-of-fenharel hardingmancer rn i actually think the choice is out of my hands lol

[fxggotclown]

my mom fell and i was once again reminded that i feel useless unless im being physically helpful bc i couldnt stop shaking until i got a towel to start cleaning up the water that spilled on the ground. she doesnt think she broke her back which is good (she has osteoporosis and has broken her back a few times). it was very scary though and now that i know shes okay i am trying not to cry 👍

[impossible-rat-babies]

living in my barbie dream house of physically affectionate dirge