#her red flags are huge. nothing else is.

[idliketochill]

Got melt so I moved her up the priority list of drawings to finish

[heartsofminds]

being 21 is one of the most humbling ages ever like it’s always SOMETHING! literally always fucking SOMETHING!!! 🤩🤭

[go-fornicate-yourself]

Every day I am in the trenches fighting for my life defending this poor man. He was going through so much and people online demonize him and say he's as bad as his abuser

(I've got a lot of thoughts about this so I'll make sure to separate things to make it easier to look at lol)

Curly is a victim of abuse. Jimmy is his abuser. This is something that I feel a lot of people tend to brush over or don't acknowledge it often.

And I'm not just talking about post-crash. Jimmy's abuse of Curly is there pre-crash too. The party scene where the crew learns about the company going under is a huge example of this. Jimmy verbally abuses him, he gaslights him, he blames him for their (his) misfortune. Jimmy accuses Curly of thinking he's better than everyone (better than him), that he doesn't care about them (about him). That he's going leave them (leave him). Which is not true. Curly tries to explain himself but Jimmy shuts him down and he just takes it.

The fact that he just allows this to happen makes it seem like he's used to this... That this kind of behavior is a recurring thing with Jimmy. And the fact that nobody else tries to defend him or stands up to Jimmy just normalizes it for him. When Anya tells Curly what Jimmy did it catches him off guard. Bc he genuinely didn't think that his friend was capable of that. It wasn't something that was obvious to him. There were absolutely many red flags in the past but they were subtle enough for him to not see them bc he cares for Jimmy, he trusts him. Jimmy's the only one he feels he can open up to, who he can let his guard down with. Jimmy's his home. That's how close they are.

Because of this deep love for his friend and the subtlety of Jimmy's cruelty, he doesn't see the constant verbal and emotional abuse as what it is: abuse. Which is why he finds Jimmy's abuse towards Anya so shocking and jarring.

He isn't a man covering for his rapist friend bc of the 'bro code'. It does look like that from a certain angle and it's understandable why people see it that way but that's not what his character is really about as much as it makes sense otherwise.

He's essentially a battered housewife who's still in love with her husband but is realizing for the first time that the man she loves is a monster. That the man she loves and devoted her life to has been hurting her this whole time and she didn't even realize it. That the man she loves and spent so much of her life caring for has gone and hurt someone else. That he's most likely hurt others before and she's been utterly unaware of it the entire time she defended him and made excuses for him when he wasn't the best or the fairest or the most responsible or when he screwed up yet again solely bc of how much she loved and cared for him.

And Curly barely had any time to process ANY of that before Jimmy decided to try and kill them all to avoid the consequences of his actions. It was ultimately a selfish act even if he thought he wasn't just doing it for himself. Jimmy is selfish and needs to be in control or he loses it. He cares for Curly. He loves him. Curly's done so much for him. Curly's the only one who understands him, who doesn't hate him. Curly's his home. He resents how 'successful' he is but that's only bc he thinks so highly of him. He constantly puts himself down and put Curly on a pedestal and worships him while simultaneously mistreating him.

He treats his best friend like shit, he's awful to him. But he's not aware that this is the case or maybe he's in denial about it. He can't or just refuses to see how he's doing all of what he does for himself in the end. He justifies his attempt to kill them all (to himself and to Curly) by claiming he's doing this for them both. That if they were to get back to earth it would all be Curly's fault, that it'll ruin his life and career... despite the fact he had basically nothing to do with Anya's abuse. Jimmy's shifting the blame on him while acting like he cares for him. Well, he does genuinely care for him but clearly not nearly enough to not mistreat him or use him as a scapegoat for his own guilt.

Jimmy is the rapist, Jimmy is the one who does all of these horrible things. And yet it's highly likely that Curly would just blame all of it on himself bc that's exactly what Jimmy did to him. He's in so deep he can't see the facts of the situation.

It takes abuse victims so long to come to terms with their abuse. It takes time and reflection to see things with an unbiased and healthy perspective. Abuse (especially years of it) isn't just something you can just escape. It consumes you and can twist your reality. Curly had about a week or less to process all of it and then take action in a way that protected his crew and abided by Pony Express' guidelines. Dealing with something this serious in a setting that makes resolving it extremely difficult in a practical sense is already hard.

There were no locks on any of the doors except for medical and the cockpit. They couldn't just kill him. There was nowhere they could detain Jimmy that wouldn't involve corporate potentially penalizing the entire group. They could have used the cryopods but then there'd only be three available for any actual emergency and there were already five crew members and four pods in total. Also, I doubt corporate would be 'okay' with them using the cryopods for anything other than their intended purpose. Hell, even if they were able to make it back to earth without any incidents there's a good chance that corporate would consider the situation 'poor team synergy' and collectively punish the entire crew for Jimmy's actions.

So on top of having to deal with an already difficult situation, Curly has to grapple with the realization that Jimmy a: abused Anya, b: has been abusing him as well (for a very long time too), and c: has probably abused others before Anya and he had no idea about it. He needed to act but he didn't and it doomed all of them.

But it's so unrealistic (maybe even cruel) to put that much pressure on someone, force them through an utterly earth-shattering realization, and then expect them to do the correct/right/responsible thing in that moment. It's a little ironic how people vilify him for that when other characters do the same thing that nobody blames for it.

Anya is the ship's nurse. Curly is the ship's captain. They both have duties and responsibilities on board the Tulpar. She has to keep the crew healthy and safe and is the only one with enough medical knowledge to do so. He has to make sure that everything goes well and goes according to procedure. He's responsible for the crew, the cargo, and even the ship itself. Both positions are integral and require a lot of responsibility to do properly

They're both put through distressing and traumatic situations where due to them being human people with emotions and fears that make them essentially avoid their responsibility/doing what's required of them.

Curly has a freeze response and doesn't act when he should have when it was crucial to have done so. Anya has a fawn response and essentially puts her patient in danger and harm's way. She knew full well what Jimmy was capable of. She experienced it herself and she witnessed it happening to Curly as well. And yet she allows Jimmy to be alone with Curly while being fully aware of how dangerous he is. Which she shouldn't have, that wasn't the 'right' thing to do. Keeping him safe was her responsibility.

But Anya's human. She's going through a lot at the moment. She's terrified of Jimmy and she's trying to appease him so he doesn't hurt her again. It's a natural very understandable thing to do even if it's not the 'right' or 'responsible' thing. They failed each other when they needed each other most and I think that's the most tragic part of it. If anything, all of them failed each other in some way, shape, or form.

So it's incredibly frustrating to see people give Anya so much sympathy and grace for doing something so human yet still 'wrong' but then turn around and give Curly none of that for doing essentially the same thing she does.

I don't know for sure if it's actually because Curly is a man or if it's only part of it or maybe some people just lack that sense of awareness but it's depressing and frustrating as fuck as a male victim of sexual violence and abuse to see this kind of behavior and this much victim blaming towards a character who is undeniably a victim of abuse like I am.

[natailiatulls07]

Can you please do driver reader and she is the baby of the paddock and she gets sick and everyone is worried and looking after her including her team principal Christian

Worried Mothers Hens

Formula one grid & female!driver!reader

Summary - You get a cold/fever, and the drivers become like worried mother hens

Warning - Blacking out, crash, ibuprofen, mention of breaking your back

Reader drives for Redbull

-

- You're the youngest on the grid

- Only being 18 years old and the only female on the grid was a huge accomplishment

- Fans love you

- They think you’re the most iconic on the grid

- Your tiktok is filled with candid videos of other drivers

- Like this one time, you asked Carlos to crack your back

- Thing is he didn’t know that you had a uncooked piece of pasta between your teeth

- So when he went to crack your back, he freaked out

- The poor Spaniard thought he seriously broke your back

- “¡Dios mío!”

- “Y/n! I am so sorry! Are you okay?!”

- He kept worrying and apologised

- But when you started to laugh, he expression was concerned

- “¿Qué? ¿Estás bien?”

- “Carlos! It’s okay”

- The fans loved it!

- It was race day for the new Las Vegas Grand Prix

- And many cameras captured each driver as you all arrived separately

- But everyone noticed your pale face and sniffly nose

- Your race engineer, much like everyone else, was concerned

- “Are you sure you’re okay?"

- "Yeah I'll be fine"

- You weren't

- You crashed into turn 5

- "Y/n! Are you okay? Confirm you're okay?"

- Nothing

- You had blacked out down that straight from turn 4 to turn 5

- Luckily you're RB19 didn't cause any collision with any other car

- "That's a red flag! Red flag!"

- "Wait who? Where?" The british McLaren driver asked

- "Yeah I saw the collision, who was it Max or Y/n?" Daniel Ricciardo asked his race engineer

- But when they all found out who was in the car, their concerns for you went up like crazy

- "Is she okay? Has she responsed?"

- They were all instucted to enter the pit lane and would wait there until the race continued

- It's okay though

- You got out of the car unharmed and were told to head to medical centre in the paddock

- So thats what you did

- This did calm some nerves of the other drivers but they were all still that bit concerned as they were told they would continue the race soon

- The medical team told you to go back to your hotel and sleep this fever off

- And thats what you did

- You fell asleep straight away when you got into your hotel bed

- Only to be woken up a few hours later to a knock on the door

- "Come in" You shouted from the bed, only now noticing your scratchy throat

- Opening the door revealed Max, Carlos, Charles, Lando, Daniel and George

- (Pretend Lando didn't crash into the barrier and won)

- "Hey buddy how are you feeling?" The Australian asked as he came to sit by my feet on the bed

- "I've been better"

- Turns out after the race finished they all went to the local supermarket and made up a basket full of cold/fever remedies and all your favourite foods

- lemon cough sweets

- toffee popcorn

- ibuprofen

- etc

- For the rest of the evening, they completely babied you

- Happily watched your favourite childhood film

- Made sure the bed was comfortable for you

- Made you drink a lot of water and eat a lot of vitamin C

- And it's not like the fans missed out on this whole thing

- They all made sure to post regularly on their instagram stories

- Even agreeing to do a tiktok with you

- Overall, being the baby of the grid and being the most iconic really worked out in your favour

-

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Would I be the asshole if I refused to pay my phone bill?

📱🧾♿️ <- To recognize my post for later :)

The title is probably already a bit of a red flag, but I genuinely didn’t know how else to word it…

For context: I am a disabled, chronically and mentally ill trans guy who recently turned 20. I haven’t left home yet for a lot of reasons, some being that my parents promised to let me live rent-free so long as I was in college (which I am, just not currently for the summer) as well as the fact that they really haven’t raised me to be very independent and rely solely on them (which is honestly a whole other can of worms), but primarily because of my disability. It isn’t safe for me to live on my own, as I faint commonly, cannot stand up for more than maybe fifteen minutes at a time roughly, and sometimes am unable to eat for long periods of time due to debilitating nausea which leads to weakness. I also have severe chronic pain in my limbs and gut, something I’ve had most of my life, while my chronic illness I’ve only had for about a year and a half now and am still struggling to adjust to.

Because of my disability, I also can’t work a traditional job. I offer art commissions online, because I’m very passionate about art and it’s one of the few things I’m good at, and I haul in a decent amount, but certainly not enough to live off of. I make enough to set aside some good savings (I’m currently saving for a wheelchair, as that might grant me more freedom and the potential to get a job at least for the summer) while also indulging myself in buying the occasional fatty treat (I’m very underweight so that’s not an issue, and I was raised essentially in an almond mom household all my life, so this form of eating is really the only sense of control I have over my life, as I’m fully dependent on my parents elsewise).

The issue has come upon relatively recently. I feel like a huge entitled brat for it as well, and if others believe the same, I sincerely don’t blame you.

My mom sat me down the other day and said that she expected me to start paying at least one bill. She offered my cheapest bill (which would be for my phone; my parents bought it, and it’s theirs, they’re just letting me use it as my own.. I don’t own a whole lot of “my” items myself) and asked what I thought about that. I was fully honest with her: if I had a steady stream of income, I wouldn’t hesitate to offer to pay for all of my bills, but with the way it stands, I just don’t make enough month-to-month to regularly afford the bill. I also do my commissions through my phone, so if I could afford the bill, my phone would be turned off, and I’d be unable to continue.

My mom got very upset and started talking to me like a child (though she really has every right to, honestly, and I know that). She went on a very long rant about teaching me responsibility, and how I can’t rely on my parents forever, and that I need to grow up at some point… All things that I fully agree with. I sincerely want to! I want nothing more than to be fully independent. But the way it stands, my parents cover my entire medical bills and they pay for my meds… And I just don’t make enough to survive on my own, and I can just barely afford a meal or two from a sandwich shop I enjoy twice a month to keep my sanity in check because I’m usually bedbound.

I tried explaining to her that I would if I could, sincerely, and that I’m not trying to be a leech or lazy, but she wasn’t having it. She just scolded me and said that if I can afford to eat out every month, then I can afford the phone bill. But again, with the way things are, I don’t think I’d be able to do it every month without tapping into my savings, which again, is for my wheelchair so I can regain some sense of freedom for myself. I’m seriously debating just telling her no straight out, but I don’t know what the aftermath might look like…

So, sincerely: Am I in the wrong here? Should I just swallow my protests and cough up the money somehow? I really don’t know and would love an outside perspective.

[yazmarina]

super trouper

for hit play, a drabble event.

��"part of a success that never ends, still i'm thinking about you only " (super trouper by abba)

charles leclerc (f1) x afab!reader

warnings/notes: exes to ?, hint of second chance romance

a/n: short and sweet on my return. i hope all the charles girlies and non-girlies like this <3

You really shouldn't be here. You had no reason to turn up at this race weekend, save for the fact that your friend was also going and she urged you to go for her sake.

Right. You're doing this for her. No one else. Certainly not for the hometown hero.

His face is everywhere and so are the eyes that seem to gape at you. People's eyes follow you with curiosity, double takes and soft gasps when they realize who you are.

It takes all your self-control not to roll your eyes under the heat of their stares. Are they not aware that I live literally a bus ride away? I spend half of my time in Monaco, anyway. Why is everyone freaked out that I'm here?

You can already read the gossip headlines in your mind.

"Do you want to grab some lunch first?" Your friend asks, gesturing to the huge hospitality building that overlooked the pitlane.

You nod, wanting nothing more than to be indoors and away from prying eyes. "Sure."

The two of you make your way inside and you're relieved to see that people are sparse here, not a single one of them giving you any mind. You settle in a booth at the very end of the floor, letting your friend have a go first at the buffet of food laid out.

You idle with your phone for a bit, already seeing your inbox count tick upward. You've been here for an hour and it seems as if the whole paddock has already seen you.

You lock your phone in frustration.

You really shouldn't have come. Not when the breakup barely six months ago was shrouded in so much speculation and drama. It's not as if your relationship with Charles exploded into a world-stopping mess. It just slowly but surely crumbled, all the gossip chipping away at the love you once shared. You know all this was part of it—the dedicated pages to scrutinizing you, your looks, your behavior, the news about you and your ex still coming out half a year after you split, the constant barrage of questions about Charles, Charles, always about Charles.

But it was indeed always about Charles.

Even you being here, in Monte Carlo today, was about him.

You promised you'd see him race at home when you were still together. It wasn't your fault the relationship would be that short-lived.

But, still. You promised.

You unlock your phone once more, opening up the message thread you had with Charles. The last text was from him, asking if you'd be in France this week. You never answered back.

'Hi Charles.'

You cringe at the formality but with a deep breath, you continue to type.

'Yes, I'm still here. I'll be watching today with a friend. Wishing you all the luck :)'

-

The grip you had on your seat could have been enough to crush someone's hand.

The wide-screen TV in hospitality flashed the bright red Ferrari of your ex-boyfriend, leading the race, five laps away from victory. A victory at his home race, with his dream team, his people cheering him on.

Your heart hammers against your chest and you feel rigid all over, nerves and anticipation taking ahold of you. Your friend looks over and you meet her eyes, and you know at that moment what she's thinking. She smiles, reaching for your hand, and squeezes.

Regardless of what became of you and Charles, it's hard not to feel as if this was your dream too. All the late nights and missed dates and the pain and scrutiny were for this. For him to achieve this very dream.

You feel tears start to well in your eyes as Charles enters his final lap. The people around you are already jumping out of their seats, egging him on, closer and closer to the chequered flag.

As Charles drives past the finish line, the whole world seems to erupt in cheers but it's all tuned out as your tears start to finally fall. You don't notice the gentle shake of your shoulders as hundreds of emotions crash down on you.

You let your friend pull you into a hug, hiding your tear-streaked face from the world.

The podium celebrations right after didn't help much with your attempt at keeping a casual, level-headed facade. Your nose is stuffy and you haven't stopped crying since the race ended. The slow recognition from the people around you isn't lost on you, either.

But it's hard to care when Charles stands on the top step of the podium, beaming as his national anthem blares. It's more difficult yet, fighting the urge to run to wherever he is just so you could jump into his arms and tell him how proud of him you are, how much you miss him, how much you still love him.

Instead, you turn to your friend, hicupping through your tears as you ask if they can come with you back to the paddock.

-

"You're here."

You smile sheepishly as Charles stops just as he's about to enter the Ferrari motorhome. The calls of his name and murmur from the fans around you tailing him through the paddock are drowned out, your whole body seemingly rooted in place as the familiar green eyes look into yours.

"Yes," you respond plainly, suddenly at a loss for words. Clearing your throat, you step closer and Charles automatically opens his arms for a hug.

"Congratulations, Cha," you say, voice muffled into his shoulder as he pulls you against his chest.

"Thank you." Charles beams at you as he pulls away. The smell of champagne is still strong on him but you pay it no mind, wanting nothing more than for everyone to disappear so you could share even a fraction of a moment with him. Just him.

"Did you cry, mon cœur?" Charles asks, looking at you closely. Your jaw drops open at his use of your old pet name and he, too, pauses and blinks as he realizes what he's done.

Charles laughs, a hint of nervousness in his voice, and you can't help but giggle along. It's awkward and it's not ideal, but being this close to him brings a certain ache in your heart, more sweet than painful.

"I'll see you later, okay?" Charles declares, gently taking hold of your arm. "Promise. I'll see you."

You nod, smiling up at him. Tears prickle in your eyes again and you quickly blink them away, mortified at what everyone would think about you crying in front of your ex after his home race win.

Charles leans in and delivers a peck on your cheek, quickly rubbing your back before turning to finally enter the motorhome. He gives you one last wave before disappearing behind the glass doors.

[kneelingshadowsalome]

Who Taught You How to Love Like That? (König x F!OC)

Part 3/3 of Valkyrie

(Part 2 here)

(Part 1 here)

Summary: König gets an order to make a female SpecGru sniper talk, but König doesn't want to hurt women.

Category: Smut 🔞, angst, fluff

Tags & warnings: Explicit mature content +18 audiences only, strangers to lovers (slight enemies to lovers), dubious consent, threats of rape, virgin!König, size kink, size difference, p in v, multiple orgasms, cunnilingus, squirting, hugs and cuddles, super fluffy ending. König will be named in later chapters. 

A/N: KorTac and SpecGru are rivaling military contractors, Conor is König's superior (and a huge villain), and I just wanted to write angsty smut featuring our favourite Austrian boi. 

The first thing she noticed was the combat dummy in the corner of the room. There was no light in the ceiling, only a small table lamp on the floor next to his bed... Which was really only a thin mattress placed on the floor with a meticulously tucked bed sheet on it. There was no furniture to speak of except for the tall gun safe and some bland table where he had a kettle and a half-open bag of bread lying next to a toaster. There was a small fridge under the table, and deposited there on top of it, out of direct sight, a simple knuckle duster.

Piles of books lay on the floor next to his so called bed, and she was pleasantly surprised: he didn't strike her as a bookworm type of guy. She briefly caught sight of a few titles, mostly nonfiction: he had volumes on rifles and combat sports like krav maga and escrima, along with some German books about hunting, knives…— and there were knives all over the place: hanging from a lone hook on the wall, lying on the table, next to a pile of books, next to the mattress. Probably hidden ones, too, but where in all this minimalistic scarceness, she couldn't tell.

He didn't have a television. There was no computer, not even a laptop. She wondered how his officers got in touch with him, for it was dubious that he even owned a phone.

"This is where I sleep," he introduced his apartment, waving a hand in a vague gesture that said It's not much, but it's home.

She didn't know whether to feel pity or terror. She was relatively sure she was the first girl to set foot in here. The red flags were all over the place, but she only felt a tug near her heart from the realization that this guy was lonely. Like really, really lonely. Potential school shooter who grew up kind of lonely.

God, why did she have to have a soft spot for lunatics like him...

"Would you like some coffee?"

He turned to look at her, and she felt tightness in her chest from that drained, sad stare. He had been so carefree, so giddy, but all of that was gone. She had seen it in the pub already, the moment she laid eyes on him, that something was terribly wrong. She wondered who was the one responsible for making this man lose his goofiness. Shed that lovely, inculpable nature that made him singularly him. Whoever it was, she wanted to smack them in the head. Hard.

Without his gear and mask or even that black face paint, he looked more human. There were no barriers between them, no profession stamped on him: he was simply…him. But the intensity was there, always there. He was an outrageously tall, athletic man, and teeming with latent violence.

She wasn’t intimidated by that, per se. She had fired her rifle alongside dozens of big, dangerous men. Menacing men. It was something else, something essential in this man's character that made her feel a little on edge.

If her mother could see where she was now, in a dark flat filled with nothing but weapons and white bread and a towering, introverted dynamite stick of a man, she would probably deem the situation more dangerous for her than Russia and Brazil combined.

"No thanks, I'm good."

He ran his fingers through his hair, which was much longer than 8 months ago. He still had that side shave, but the light ash curls on top were unkempt and fell partly on his forehead.

"Or tea? I think I got tea here somewhere… "

And there he was: that adorable, silly man she had fallen for.

If nothing more, she would make it her mission to at least get him to smile.

She shook her head slowly before walking to him and grabbing two fistfuls of his black t-shirt. He straightened like someone had called ten-hut, making it clear that she wasn't the only one who felt like a tightly coiled spring. But someone had to make the first move. Someone had to do something.

He had shaved a day, maybe two ago, and the stubble that dusted his chin and the top of his upper lip was only a faint shadow, but still coarse enough to sting her skin as she got up on her toes to kiss him.

He closed his eyes and bent into it. He didn't touch her, wouldn't reach for her, just opened his mouth against hers and moaned. Like a tortured man about to break.

"Mh- I've thought about you every day," she whispered, still clinging to his shirt, and he finally wrapped his arms around her. "Every damn day…"

"Meine kleine Walküre…"

"I thought I would go mad at some point."

I didn't know who you were, I couldn't come back to you, I knew nothing about you.

"I know."

He knew.

He knew the slow descent into madness, the craving. The mornings that felt like waking up in a limbo. The nights that only sharpened the pain.

And of course he did.

"You kept me alive," he said as his erection pressed against her, and her mind was flooded with memories of the grey room, the bleak light in the ceiling, the ropes biting into her wrists, the way he fucked her like they were both going to die the next day.

And she realized that he was real. He wasn't a schizophrenic dream or an erotic nightmare. He wasn't even a soldier; he was a man, a person.

He was a real, actual person under that hood and face paint and tactical vest and ammo pouches. He had an apartment and dirty socks on the floor, and he drank lager, and he had toast and a toaster, and he owned relatively normal clothes.

And right now, even though her panties were soaked, she didn't want him inside her.

"I'm a bit nervous," she said, stiff and near the point of breaking into a cold sweat. He caressed the small of her back and shoved his crotch against her even more eagerly.

"König, please… Could you just… hold me?"

He stopped and swallowed, and his hands traveled back up.

"I will do whatever you wish."

"Perhaps we could lie down? And just… hug, you know?"

"I'd love that," he said, sounding genuinely enthusiastic.

His sheets smelled of him, and she felt the cold sweat intensify. Her stomach sank, and she was glad that she was lying down because her feet wouldn't probably carry her at this point. He laid himself down next to her and gave her his pillow. It was a lovely gesture, but she felt like she was lying down with a murderer. Which he was. Which she was. They both had killed, her confirmed body count reaching 23 when she had left the SpecGru. His count was probably much higher...

She snuggled closer, tucked her head under his chin, and let him hold her. His whole body was tense, but he eased into the embrace after ten or twenty breaths. Cuddling usually came after the sex; after the release of stress and tension, and right now, they were both like teenagers in an empty house with the parents gone. Sweating with the jitters of coming to know how the other person's body felt like.

She dragged a leg over him at some point, and he sank his own between hers, and they just breathed each other. She wondered how they must look, her small form and light blue jeans and white shirt swallowed by all that black he wore. A fair little lady cuddled by a dark giant. A giant who everyone could tell, just by the clothes he wore, was either an employed soldier or a crazy militarist. And she liked that. She fucking loved that he didn't disguise himself as an ordinary civilian. Unlike she did, and she felt like a liar... along with feeling tired of pretending that she wanted the next bachelor when all she really wanted was a guy like him.

Finally, her nerves calmed down, and she could hear the silence of the room, the sound of his breathing, could feel the warmth of his arms around her.

"This feels good," she told him.

"This feels better than anything," he answered.

He seemed peaceful too. All that shifting around had turned into deep breaths and a steady heartbeat. She caressed his back, closed her eyes, and pressed her cheek more firmly against his chest — how many times had she dreamed of this moment? She inhaled him, and the scent aroused different memories this time, making her feel like a balloon drifting up to the ceiling.

"I like you, König." She squeezed him against her. "Like, a lot."

He squeezed her back and announced: "I love you."

Her mind went blank and then screamed error.

She wriggled out of his grasp, propped herself on her elbow, and looked down at him. He stared at her like a dog waiting for a treat from a well-done trick.

"You can't say that, König."

His long, pale lashes batted a few times, and a vertical wrinkle appeared between his brows.

"No, you... You didn't do anything wrong. I'm sorry. It's just that..." She pursed her lips, bit her lower lip, and placed a hand on his chest. "We barely know each other."

His eyes darted from her lips to her eyes, confused. "But I already know I love you."

How could she argue with a man who looked at her like that? Who looked like a dog being scolded for things he didn’t know he wasn't supposed to do…

I went to therapy because of you.

We met in a fucking bunker where you were asking politely if I would co-operate in you raping me. Fucking co-operate…

And you looked like Death…

"König… Baby, I don't even know your name."

He wrapped an arm around her waist in an attempt to pull her closer.

"Julius."

He said it from the back of his throat, it rolled off his tongue and ended in a soft hiss, and she felt lighter in the head by the minute.

Julius, like… Julius Caesar.

Or July. June and July.

This was so fucked up…

"Can I taste you?"

The wintry eyes looked at her, begging.

"Let me taste you, June. Please…"

Oh God… Yes, please, yes.

"Umm. Sure.."

He moved immediately, and she was almost thrown to lie on her back while he reached for her jeans to take them off, his large hands clumsy and cold against her exposed skin. She raised her hips to help him as he pulled them down, trying to stifle a giggle that was bubbling inside at seeing him so keen on giving her head. The pants got stuck on her ankles, and he tugged them off one leg at a time, causing one sock to come off and the other to come halfway down. And he just left it there, being too preoccupied with getting back between her legs to reach for her panties.

She thanked herself for having put on the smaller, black brazilian knickers instead of some comfortable, worn-out hipsters. And that she had shaved...

He was much more attentive with this piece of clothing, sliding it down like he was opening a gift. And when he took the panties off and still left that lonely sock unattended, crumpled, and forgotten, she couldn't help but snicker.

"Was?"

He looked at her with a perplexed smirk, clueless as to what was so funny — but smiling just for the sake of having made her laugh. The black underwear looked tiny in his hands as he placed it next to the bed.

She remembered how he had left her socks on in the bunker, too, perhaps because he was in a nervous hurry. Or perhaps because he didn't want her to feel cold.

She bent her leg and took it off herself, throwing it somewhere behind him.

"Nothing. Except that you're officially the cutest."

He ran a hand through his hair again. That bashful, boyish attitude made her realize just how much she had missed him. His gaze flicked to her eyes, darted between her legs, flew to examine the floor… and she could see the tent in his pants even though there was little light in the room.

"And now the shirt," she rose to seated and raised her hands up, making it clear what she wanted him to do. He wasted no time pulling it over her head but froze when he was met with the black, laced bra, the only barrier left between him and her complete nakedness.

As much as she wanted to, she didn't tease him by making him figure out the mechanism. She reached for the clasp, and he leaned slightly back when she took it off with little ceremony and threw it on the floor with the rest of her clothing. When she grabbed his hand to bring it to her breast, he looked like he had stopped breathing altogether.

"Everything good?"

"Perfekt," he said, looking terrified.

"Come here," she pulled him by the neck all the way down to lay on top of her. He supported himself on his elbows while his hands came to cradle her head. He was tense again, and she wondered whether the cuddling had been a bad idea — he had relaxed too much and was now overstimulated.

The whole body on her was rigid, but his mouth was soft and warm as he kissed her — so greedily that her legs began to ride up along his sides. When he moved to wolf her neck, her weakest spot, she wrapped her legs around his waist, and he finally melted against her.

"I dreamed of you," he breathed against her skin, making her eyes flutter open and her pussy clench around nothing. "Every night…"

Through the euphoria of his accent and lips, she deciphered that what he actually meant was that he had masturbated on thoughts of her. And she had done the same: stroked herself night after night on thoughts of him telling her how tight and good she felt around him. It was downright sinful how many times she had reminisced the high-pitched sighs, that vulnerable look he had when he shot his cum inside her.

"Did you ever think of me?" He asked with a frail voice.

She had gone on a few dates, had a few fucks. Ended up feeling disappointed, and even more lonely. Dirty and sad — like she was cheating on him…

"If only you knew just how much," she whispered to the ceiling above her.

He brushed a trembling thumb over her cheek and buried himself even deeper in her neck.

"Shit… Ist das dein Ernst?"

She loved it when he spoke German. And hated how most of the time, she couldn’t understand what the hell he was saying.

"June... Du machst mich verrückt."

"What are you saying, silly…"

"You drive me crazy."

He was so… present, devoted. So unlike the men who almost screamed "Score" when they got this far. He was saying stupid, lovely things that didn't sound at all like a yucky romcom, not when they came from him. He ripped her clothes off because he wanted to please her, taste her... And had no trouble pressing against her while having his own clothes still on — those black pants that would get stained if he continued to grind against her drenched pussy like that.

"You'll drive me crazy too if you don't finish what you started..."

He chuckled and resumed giving her those tiny kisses that only left her wanting more.

"Don't worry, little one." He planted a last kiss on her collarbone before diving down.

"I'm not -"

The rest of the sentence turned into a gasp as his lips swept over her sternum, her nipples, sent shivers across her stomach as he trailed down, down…

"Yes you are," he muttered against her mound, going further down still. Like a man with a purpose.

Hot air hit her as his tongue swept through her folds, first pointed and quivering, then flat and hungry. Her hand shot out to grasp his hair, those stupid, adorable curls that drove her to the brink of insanity.

"Mmh," he moaned in her pussy, pressing his lips against her and opening his mouth. She didn't have time to worry about the bite of his stubble, for he pushed his tongue out. Either he had an excellent memory, or then it was beginner's luck, but he hit just the right spot as the hot, wet tongue plunged slightly inside her.

"Oh - fuck.. "

He got the cue to the full, shoving even deeper, sweeping arms around her thighs to pull her against his face. He decoded her within minutes with a combination of flicks, sweeps, and thrusts. She opened her legs wider, felt herself open like a flower, felt the juices leak out while he was at it like a tried and true engine. So tireless that it sent her thighs quivering. They never did that — at least not with anyone else. It was his unique talent to make a mess of her. If he proved smart enough to apply fingers, she would lose her goddamn mind.

"You are dripping," he informed from among the sloppy sounds she was perfectly aware of. "Like a honeycomb…"

What was it with this man that nearly made her cry?

He kissed her with devotion, almost like he was kissing her lips. The languid pecks and slow nips soon turned into french kissing as he applied tongue again. Her fingers curled into his hair on their own accord and pulled. She could feel his mouth open into a grin before a soft huff hit her.

"Heh…" he kissed her again, "Gierig.."

"What does… ah -.. that mean?"

She could’ve cried from frustration when he slowly got back up to his knees. His lips and chin glistened with her - and he was grinning adorably. That earlier naive cuteness made such a comeback that she had a hard time catching her breath.

"Greedy." He licked his lips. "You like it?"

She nodded a few times, many times, and the impish, pussy-drunk grin of his only widened.

"Gut."

He made a move to return down there, looking like he had received the best assignment ever.

"König… Uh, Julius?" She pronounced it like July, and he corrected her immediately.

"Julius."

So husky and sweet from those soaked lips — like music.

"Julius," she rose back to seated, thighs still trembling, and grabbed the front of his shirt. "Could you take this off?"

He reached back with both hands and pulled it off, leaving his hair all tousled once the fabric was drawn over his head. She vaguely knew what to expect, but the amount of muscle still made her gawk like a goldfish.

The man was like a roman sculpture. Not an artificial, overly shredded fitness type of thing, but a man who used his body like it was meant to be used. The light brown hair between the plates of his chest was simply irresistible. She placed a hand on it, and he looked down, fascinated by what she was doing. She ran her fingers through the soft, sparse hair, trailed the breath of it all the way down to his navel. The muscles there rippled at her touch. He was ticklish… and some stupid part of her brain squealed at the discovery.

She wondered whether he had been touched before, whether he had been touched much at all. He had an ungodly shoulders to hips ratio, and a broad, toned physique, which alone should've made women want to crawl all over him. Perhaps he had walked through life half invisible because he wanted to stay that way - in hiding. And suddenly she felt special, outright exceptional... for having been chosen, having been granted access to him. His world.

He trusted her. It should've been a compliment, even a turn-on, but she felt like she didn't deserve it. And it was too late to turn back...

Looking up to his eyes which were fixed on her, expectant and dark, her fingers dropped to his pants, curled under the waistband, and gave it a tug.

"And everything else, too."

He sat back on his legs, opened the belt, undid the zipper, and stood up to take his pants off. From where she was looking, he was like a god, the muscles on his thighs bunching as he switched his weight from one leg to the other to yank his pants down and socks away. When he was finally free of those clothes, he grabbed that monster between his legs with one hand, lifted it, and stroked it absentmindedly while looking down at her, all hungry. Possessive...

Car lights flashed through the window and painted shadows on the wall, on him, painting him with blue and black just before he descended upon her. She greeted him with spread legs and open arms as he got down, carefully, like a man preparing to pray. With his hand still wrapped around himself, he guided the tip to her folds, brows knit together like he was on a serious mission that required all his attention. She reached a hand to grab him too, and it was like a dream, the way they directed him inside together.

Her inner muscles welcomed him home with a greedy pull, not bothered by the stretch that only felt fucking delicious.

She pushed him further in with her legs, wrapped around his hips like a starfish around prey. He was forced to fall on his hands, and he exhaled like someone easing into a hot bath, blowing air from the raw sensation — although he was dipping into somewhere far better than that, she presumed.

She noticed a scar on his neck as he exposed his throat, half-lidded eyes drifting closed with pleasure. Her hand rose on its own will to touch the white protrusion, fingertips caressing the spot where someone had tried to finish him and failed.

And she knew that she didn’t want to spend her life without this man.

Didn’t want to spend a day without him anymore.

He flinched at her touch, looking like he was the one being fucked and not the other way around. Her touch was a reminder that someone had gotten too close - way too close. And had probably paid the full price for their insolence.

“Baby…” she whispered, and his head dropped with a broken sigh, hanging heavy against his chest as he slid in and out of her. It was supposed to be a homecoming, a sweet reunion, but he was shaking and sobbing, grunting between the thrusts.

She knew he was repeating the words in his head, the words he thought she didn’t want to hear.

Fuck it… I love you too.

It was a deafening declaration in her head, one she couldn’t snuff out, one that only got louder as he thrust deeper, pressed against her, and moaned as he buried his face in her hair.

“You feel so good… taste so good,” he said, “smell so good…”

Having the biggest, baddest mercenary of a rivaling military contractor between her legs, sighing how good she was, might be reason enough to seek therapy — but it was also the one thing she knew would send her straight to heaven.

And it was too much.

He was too much. She didn't want to cry, and she didn't want him to hold her, to slide in and out slowly, fondly, lovingly. Just the way he was doing right now… She wanted to drown the blooming intimacy, she wanted him to shut the fuck up and fuck her.

More than anything, she wanted to escape the feeling that she belonged here, with him.

“Please… just..”

“Talk to me, Engel.”

Shit.. It was a purr.

“I need you harder.”

He only slowed down, confused.

“You don’t have to be gentle,” she said, hating herself for tearing apart the one thing she loved most about him.

But he did as he was bid, upping the tempo, going deeper, breaking her in all the ways she wanted him to. Needed him to.

"Like this?" The voice was abrupt, metallic, almost freezing. It didn't belong to a man, it belonged to a soldier executing an order.

“Yes…”

He was looking at her, and this time it was her turn to avoid the gaze. She already knew it was filled with confusion and hunger and sadness. She looked at his muscles at work, the ridiculously large cock disappearing into her, she looked at the scars... That scar, the one that screamed that not only he was lucky that the weapon had missed by an inch. That she should count her blessings, too.

At some point, he grunted in frustration and moved to throw her legs over his shoulders. He could pound inside even deeper like this, and it didn’t hurt at all, even though she felt a strange warmth pool somewhere deep in her abdomen.

He fucked her on that thin mattress and all she could think about was whether he would offer her tea or coffee after, or bring her toast to the bed.

“Harder..”

The sheet started to come off, the slick sounds bordering on pornographic, his chest getting covered in sweat.

God, she made him sweat. She wanted to wash him after, smear him with whatever stupid shower gel he had in his apartment that reeked of loneliness, a fragrance she knew more than well.

She wondered if he would want to cuddle again after they had showered together. Or cuddle before, so she could inhale his scent, the full brunt of him. If she could stay for the night. Fuck…

“Harder.”

He dared to whimper, dared to look at her all helpless. But obeyed.

Shit, he felt good. Too good. Too fucking….

"Wait..."

She was about to come, but something was different.

"Wait-"

Something was wrong and right at the same time, the thickness and length pressing onto something unusually delicious. It left her shaking, caused her to feel full to the brim. Her mouth opened, but no sound came out, and he wouldn't relent with the thrusts, but he had to soon enough, for she burst, literally, with wetness that spread through the sheets under them and caused his cock to fly out of her with a gush of moisture.

Oh jesusfuckinggod… -

He was between her legs, cock bouncing up and down. It was sheened with an insane amount of natural lube, and he was looking down at what she had done.

"What happened?"

The innocent question, the humiliation made her cheeks pang with heat.

Take a deep breath, calm down, calm the fuck down..

"It's…"

It's called squirting, you adorable big puppy. You just made me fucking squirt.

"It's a woman's orgasm but times ten?"

She wanted to add Jesus Christ I'm sorry, and it's a good thing, trust me, but she didn't need to.

"I… made you do that?"

She nodded, and another wide grin slowly spread on his face. He adored the scene, amazed and eyes sparkling like it was Christmas morning and he had walked up to see that there were presents under the tree.

He reached for his cock to insert himself back inside, but she jerked away.

"No, wait… It - it might happen again," she stuttered a warning. She wasn't sure, but she didn't want to take the risk. This kind of thing had never occurred, even if she knew what it was. Even envied those who had had the experience. But for the love of god, why did it have to be him out of all men who got to witness it when it finally happened…

But he only looked even more reckless. Almost wild.

"So let's do it again!" He was so excited that his voice spiked up a few notes.

"But your sheets…"

"Nevermind them," he huffed, ecstatic, and crawled forward. He pushed inside, fast and luscious, and she knew right then and there that it would definitely happen again.

He began to ruin her with a frenzy that was almost eerie. The rhythm of slick sounds told her enough, told her that he pistoned her with a pace that would soon drive her insane.

“You’re a fucking fantasy, June,” he groaned, the darker parts of what made him a ruthless professional soldier leaking through.

"Oh God," she breathed this time, deciding she could feel ashamed later. "It feels so fucking good…"

"I'll be good to you, Engel, I'll be good," he grunted as he continued to fuck her brains out.

She cursed and moaned and wailed, letting all his neighbours know that the big, quiet soldier boy was good at what he did. Fucking best. And she knew she should've said her prayers when her eyes rolled in her head and she started to see white.

It didn't take longer than a second or two before it happened again, this time with a force that nearly made her snap and split in half. More than a few squirts hit him as he pulled out. His jaw hung open like he was looking at fireworks.

“Huh -mh, yeah,” he wheezed, sounding dazed. “Verdammt - scheiße…”

She was writhing, crying, shedding actual tears — grabbing the sheet next to her head with one hand and beside her thigh with the other. Her legs were spread like she was on display, her thighs shaking like the muscles there had been permanently damaged. Kate had been more right than should've been legally fair…

"Gott, du bist schön," he commented on the sight while stroking himself, eased by the fluids all over his cock.

She thought about helping him, but couldn't get up, couldn't even move her hands, could only pant and shudder as he milked himself before her to a quick release.

He threw his head back and almost roared, and the only thing on her mind was the phrase saddest people cum the hardest as his seed shot out in generous spurts, hitting her almost in the face. The first gush already ran down her neck by the time the second fell, a thick rope of cum landing on her breasts, the rest on her stomach.

Something twisted in her stomach when she realized he had called her beautiful one moment and proceeded to cover her with cum the next.

Men…

But it was so fucking good that she only wanted to raise a hand and spread his seed all over her. He was breathing heavily with a softening cock in his fist, the last of the cum dripping to join the mess she had made.

"I hope you got a spare one," she looked at the destroyed sheet between them.

"Yeah," he panted still, half-lidded eyes looking at her up and down like he was piss-drunk and about to pass out.

She patted the space next to her, and he collapsed there, staring at the ceiling, probably trying to remember his name. She took his arm and raised it to wiggle herself under it and against him.

It felt good, being glued to him like this… Naked and spent and sweaty. He shifted, turned to face her, and took her in his arms as they both lay on their side, breathing heavily. She was pressed against the damp hair on his chest while his cum trailed little pathways between them.

"Please tell me you're mine, little Valkyrie," he whispered in her hair. He inhaled deeply and exhaled fully, like he had been in the thin mountain air and only now got enough oxygen again.

"June, I want you and no one else."

Oh, honey… it's just the mind-blowing sex talking.

It was pillow talk and hormones and trauma and all that shit. She was now 110 % sure that he had lost his virginity in that bunker. He wasn't the first nor the last man who thought they had fallen in love with a woman, not realizing what they had really fallen for was sex.

"I love you, June. If you don't want to hear it anymore, I won't say it. But it's true."

"Look…" she sighed.

This was so fucking awkward...

"Have you ever been in love before..?"

"No."

"Listen. I like you, you're a nice guy. And I want to get to know you, really, I do…-"

His breath had shallowed — far too much. The large chest beside her heaved, and she could both hear and feel his heart thumping. He shifted away from her, and she snapped her mouth shut. Slowly, she raised to look at him, and the sight drove a fucking lance through her heart.

She didn’t really know what a panic attack was, but was fairly positive that he was about to have one. He was laying on his back, big palms against his head, and he slid them over his eyes, trying to hide from her. His breathing was getting out of hand by the minute.

Fuck… Why did she have to fucking ruin everything?

"Hey, baby. It's alright. Everything's all right, just.. Breathe. Or talk to me…?"

He balanced on the edge of hyperventilation, still holding his head with his hands, eyes squeezed shut and that beautiful face distorted into agony and pain.

"You don't… want me."

Ice seeped into the pit of her stomach.

"Yeah, it's true I've never been with anyone. I was too shy. Ich habe nie bekommen, was ich wirklich will. Alle lachten und nannten mich Schwul… Und das war nicht das Einzige- mmh."

He was sweating from the German confession she understood but a few words of.

The only thing she caught was something about everyone laughing at him. People were horrible sometimes… or usually. People were vile, they were fucking bullies. But even if he was a bit too kind, a little too eager to please, and socially more than a bit on the awkward side of things, she had thought it a miracle that anyone would pester someone of his size. But exclusion and words could hurt too.

And she felt like an asshole.

She was good at bringing down strong, beautiful things. She liked to drag them through the mud. She was talented at taking aim at the most vulnerable parts and pulling the trigger... But he was already there. He was looking at her from a pool of blood and shit and tears. And she was not the only one who got traumatized in that box made of cement. She was not the only one who had had it rough growing up. From what she could tell, he had had it much worse.

"June, you feel so good that it hurts."

Shit…

Her stomach burst with golden fireflies, a warmth that spread to her heart, her whole chest. Ice and gold and fire mixed together, and she knew it was dangerous… He was dangerous. He was the most frightening thing she had ever faced.

She reached to brush his chest, feeling clumsy, like a child. A total amateur when it came to these things.

"You feel good too," she whispered. "So good. I'm just- I'm scared. It's scary."

She put her arm around him and pulled, then yanked when he wouldn't move. He turned, and she took him in her arms. His head pressed inelegantly between her breasts as she gave him a hug that she hoped would deliver all her affection.

He almost trembled in her arms, and the stabbing, burning feeling in her chest wouldn't stop.

"You really stole my heart, you know? Right from the start."

A breath of warm air crashed against her skin as she slowly stroked the back of his head and whispered in his hair.

"And I've thought about you ever since. It's ok if you want to say it. If that's how you truly feel. But please don't say that I don't want you. Because that sure as hell ain't true."

"...Ok," he muttered in her tits — a quiet, damped breath.

"König, could you just give me some… time? Just take it slow, if that's ok with you."

She refused to say his real name, knowing she wouldn't be able to lie anymore if she did. That she was just as far gone as he was, and having a radical acceptance moment about it. Even her therapist would’ve been proud… Or not. But she really didn't give a fuck.

She released her death grip on him a little, and he slowly raised his head to look at her. It was oddly charming that he was looking up at her and not the other way around.

"Take it slow. Ok. I promise I'll be good to you."

She tried her best not to burst into tears. She tried her very best to keep her hand steady as it caressed his hair, his neck, his back.

"You're so sweet."

She moved to kiss him, a pure cinematic kiss that was unhurried, exquisite, and just the kind of starved that told her he was the one.

"Anybody ever told you how sweet you are?" She whispered in his mouth and could feel how the muscles on his stomach contracted.

"Nein," he rasped back, voice so low that she nearly didn't recognize it belonged to him. He was getting hard again, too.

"Well, now you know," She kissed the top of his nose. She wondered if he had the kind of skin type that was full of freckles in summer.

"You're sweet," he said, the warmth of his words melting her like snow in spring, "like.. cotton candy. Or Apfelstrudel."

"Did you just call me a Strudel?"

"It's a dessert," he explained.

"I know it's a dessert, you… bear," she sputtered with her lack of words.

"Is that the best you can do?" He hummed against her lips, laughter barely a breath away.

"No. But it's your fault that my brain stops working."

He rolled partly on top of her again, his scent hitting her like a drug. The stubble scratched her skin, over and over again, as he kissed her, added tongue, sucked her lip, pressed against her like she was dying and he needed to give her mouth-to-mouth CPR asap.

When he withdrew, only an inch, she was breathless again. And he was smiling.

"Could you say it..? Please, just once. That you're my girl," he pressed his forehead on hers, his eyes betraying all the things she had no courage to show. He was many things, but he was certainly not a coward.

"I'm yours, King. I'm your girl."

"And I'm all yours, June."

She closed her eyes, savored those words, relished the feeling of commitment that was completely novel to her.

"When will you head back?"

"I… cannot tell you that."

She wondered how exactly she was supposed to go home with the knowledge that he would be out there in the field, changing mags amidst grenades and bullets.

"Soon."

"I gotta text Kate that I'm staying over. So she won't worry…"

"You'll stay for the night?"

He sounded so delighted. Excited. Like a dog wagging a tail... She wanted to crush him into another hug and cry until she felt raw.

"Yeah, if you change that sheet.”

She got up, walked to get her jacket, groped through the pockets — and her fingers caught to something small and bendy. Magical thinking or not, it felt like fate, and her lips curled into a small smile.

She found her phone, sent a text to Kate, then put it on mute, shoved it back into the pocket, and twiddled the plastic toy for a moment before closing it inside her palm.

When she returned to him, she had to do a double take. He looked so wiped out - so thoroughly drowsy and content - that it made the gold melt and spread inside her like fire.

"I have something for you."

He rose to his elbows, and she crouched beside him, took his hand, and dropped the small, olive-green toy soldier in his palm.

"It's my lucky charm. Had it on me on every mission."

It had a short key chain attached to it. She wondered whether he would tuck it inside his pocket, or if he would keep it on a table beside his bed. Or attach it somewhere, to bring him luck as it had brought to her. Even on that mission when KorTac had taken her as a prisoner. Especially on that mission…

"Can I ask something in return?"

"Anything."

She looked for it, found it on the floor, and picked it up.

"Can I have this?" She held up his black t-shirt and then brought it to her heart, grasping it tightly with two hands like a plush toy. "It smells of you," she explained, although it must've been obvious why she wanted it. The impact of her request on him was a swelling erection that twitched as he watched her, lips pursed tight, brows drawn together. He was blinking rapidly, trying to dry the tears that had started to form.

"Of course you can, Liebling."

"I can wrap myself in you even when you're away."

A miserable little groan escaped him as his lips tightened even more. She placed his shirt down and crawled back to the bed next to him.

"The downside is that it might stop having your scent in it," she pouted a lip, "but you can always bring me a fresh one when you come back, right?"

His sigh was heartbreaking.

"I can't help it, June."

"June, please don't take this the wrong way. I ask this question because you need to address it someday. Now… Is there any part of you that enjoyed it?"

She had thought of him every fucking day for the past 8 months now. She had thought of his hands, his cock, his puppy eyes, and most of all, that sad, abandoned look he gave her right before she turned and left.

"Did you like him?"

"You'll think I'm crazy."

"This is a place where you can safely say whatever is on your mind."

So what if it didn't make any sense? Who the fuck cared anyway?

Fuck it.

Just fuck it.

As if it was going to get any better by not saying it. Nothing could be worse than those months without him.

"You know what… I can't help it either. And I don't wanna take it slow."

---

"You've been kinda up lately."

Zero munched on whatever was on the menu today — König hadn't really paid mind to what it was.

"Leave went well?"

All eyes turned on him, and he was glad of the hood.

If only they knew just how well…

It had been the best leave ever. She hadn't stayed just for one night; she had stayed for three.

They had gone to see a new Marvel movie, and her kisses had tasted of popcorn and lemonade in the dark theatre. Half of the movie rolled past without him noticing what it was about. She had wanted to go to a sushi restaurant after and make him try all kinds of weird rolls — she had practically fed him with her own chopsticks, wanting to see what kind of reaction he had to each bite. They had gone to that pub for another round, and he had made her taste different types of beers, and when they got to pilsner and unfiltered witbier, she had stuck her tongue out and made a face. "You drink piss in Austria?"

They had gone to the gym, and he had taught her how to do a power clean, and she had insisted on staying in front of him when he did squats — for the purpose of giving him a quick kiss every time he did a rep, she informed him. He was supposed to do a series of 8 but ended up doing at least 12 reps, even with all that weight on his back.

He had shown her his favorite scope, detached it for her inspection from the SAKO he had in the safe. She said it was cool, but she knew a few better ones. And then she looked at him with a mischievous grin and said he should be fingering her instead of gun parts.

They had made love several times a day, just unhinged sex, until he felt soft in the head. Sex in the morning and sex in the evening, and sex at night when the other had woken up, too excited to sleep. They had showered together and done it there, too. He had dried her with his towel and carried her back to bed, all wet and giggling and soft and so sweet he had no words for her, neither in German nor English.

They had ordered takeaway on the last night, and he had watched as she ate it straight from the box, wearing only - and only - one of his shirts that looked huge on her. He had eaten her out not shortly after.

She gave him his first blowjob in the hallway of his apartment, just before he had to leave. He had almost missed the plane. Only when he was running to the gates that were already closing had it occurred to him that perhaps that's what she had aimed for.

And when the plane finally took off, he was blanketed by everything she said. That he was an adorable dumbass and her big boy and a gentleman and how good he was in bed, and that she would count the days to when they would see each other again. And that if he got killed, she would come and raise him from the dead and kill him again for daring to leave her.

"Ja, I got that pint. And the… girl."

"König got laid?" Fender nearly choked on his spaghetti.

Zero gave a hearty laugh, and König felt his cheeks grow hot under the mask.

"That's my man!"

He felt a slap on his back and Conor's eyes on him from across the table but didn't care.

They would eventually get interested in the toy soldier attached to his rifle, dangling from a key chain. The token bestowed upon him... her blessing. Physical evidence that she was real and had left with his shirt and now slept in it.

A reminder that he had a home to go back to.

[eruden-writes]

Intentions - Part 1 (alien x human)

Summary: In the future, humans are nearly universal surrogates and Earth has taken to profiting off the ability. However, while humans can intermix with aliens, it doesn't mean it's without complications.

When Taliyra signed up to be a Companion to an alien, she had expectations. Mainly a lot of sex in an attempt to conceive an alien baby. What she didn't expect was her counterpart to be so distant and - for lack of a better term - relatively hands off. For all intents and purposes, Khravel seems completely disinterested in her and will not hold a discussion to explain why.

After four months of this behavior, she's had enough. Confronting Khravel, she gives him an ultimatum: either he sits down and talks with her about what the problem is or she's going back to Proxypanion and requesting a transfer.

---

Next - Master List

Night had fallen on the planet Tivik-4 and, with it, a knot of apprehension rose in Taliyra’s throat. She waited in her quarters for Khravel to show his face, even though his appearances were sporadic at best. The uncertainty, the waiting, made her skin itch with nerves. In the early days, she had found it difficult to sit still when evening fell. Now, she forced herself to remain seated in her chair, focused on her reading tablet.

It was these moments when her comfortable room felt so large, so empty. It was like any other personal chambers in the building, from what Taliyra had seen of other people’s living spaces. Though there was an office wing, where Khravel and his colleagues did most of their work, from what she could tell.

Her quarters had a sitting room for entertaining, decked out with sofa and chairs. A large screen overset in a false fireplace. A guest bathroom and kitchenette led off from the sitting area and, opposite those, the door to her room. Opposite the entryway, a sliding door led to a balcony that oversaw a park. During the day, the park was full of Tivikonians, a variety of immigrated aliens, and Terrans. At this time of night, with the sun setting and darkness encroaching over the red-orange trees, very few dallied at the park.

When she accepted a role as a contracted companion, she thought every night would be a sex marathon. Not hours of waiting to see if her alien counterpart would even show up. Khravel was a high-ranking official among his people. Taliyra even being there was meant to convince other Tivikonians to take on Terran Companions in an effort to aid a flagging population.

Due to his social importance, he was very, very busy. Or so he had told her repeatedly.

Not that she was looking forward to being used over and over in an attempt to create an alien baby, of course. Working with the ProxyPanion company had been a last resort to get out of debt. However, four months of basically being ignored was wearing on her pride. Plus, if she did end up clinching the deal and ending up pregnant, the bonus would pay for all her family’s debt. Her parents, her grandparents, her siblings, and more. While the possibility of Tivikonians and Terrans having a successful reproduction was low – the reason for the huge bonus if Taliyra managed it – her odds were even lower if Khravel rarely came around.

Despite the inconsistent interactions between herself and Khravel, she still dressed for the part. Which meant a lot of flowing, easy to move, gauzy fabric and no underwear. It had been difficult to get used to the semi-transparent clothes. She was a larger woman than the average Terran, so she had much more skin to account for. But being on Tivik, where many humans and Tivikonians alike wore this gauzy fabric, had made her grow accustomed to the fashion choice. No one seemed to care what she or anyone else had on display, anyhow. Not that she was large among the aliens.

She still wore a bra, keeping her ample bosom secured if high on her chest, and underthings when out in public. Though she’d seen others, Terran and Tivikonian, wear nothing under the semi-sheer fabric.

A chime echoed through her room, drawing her gaze from the tablet she had barely been reading for the last twenty minutes. Setting the screen aside, she got to her feet and went to the door. Pressing her hand to the panel, it slid open, revealing Khravel.

As far as extraterrestrials were concerned, Khravel was not far from humanoid in a Biblically accurate being sort of way. Smooth face, almost akin to a mask, given texture by striating lines that fanned from his eyes. Taliyra had learned to read the expression in the striations that fanned out from his eyes. The lines weren’t too dissimilar from human eyebrows. Four red eyes, two on each side. A wide mouth that cut like a crevice along the lower half of his face and a dark line that split from his lower ‘lip’ down his throat. Thick flat horns sprouted out from the sides and crown of his head, white fading to red.

Unlike many other Tivikonians, he wore opaque and dark clothes. He wore the seemingly space-mandatory bodysuits, with a sleeveless jacket cinched at his waist. The boots he wore went to his knees but would have easily engulfed Taliyra’s leg up to the highest point of her thigh. Taller than any other Tivikonian that Taliyra had seen, he was not the bulkiest. Though that wasn’t saying much to human notions of large, with his towering nine foot height and four dreadfully well-shaped arms. Well-shaped arms that ended in enticing hands with five elegant long fingers. Taliyra often caught herself staring at those broad hands.

“Ah, you’re still awake.” He sounded disappointed, red eyes crinkled at the corners in an expression Taliyra had come to consider a wince.

Khravel would not deny he struggled around the woman. She was larger than his last human Companion, which was a relief. Humans were notoriously frail. But it made him want to touch her all the more. Run his hands over those plush curves, watch as her skin dipped to his touch. Even her face was round and, when she smiled – a rare occasion when he was present – little dips formed at the corners of her lips. Dimples, he’d been told they were called.

Tonight, she was dressed in a gauzy gown sans underthings with her dark hair pulled into a bun atop her head. Khravel focused on her face, rather than letting his gaze dip over the rolling hills of her body, her dusky nipples, the swell of her breasts, her hips, her stomach. Her nightly fashion starkly contrasted to the outfits she styled for day-time use. She’d it was to make the process easier when he visited at night. Less clothing made getting to the sex simpler.

The thought left a bad taste in his mouth. As if she wanted to get the ordeal over with and get on with her day or night.

Taliyra swallowed down the ping of pain his words sent through her by leaning against the door frame and crossing her arms. “Yep, still awake.”

The two stood there, staring at each other as the tension in the air climbed higher. Khravel’s hands flexed at his sides. A common tic she’d notice whenever he was thinking. Was he trying to come up with an excuse to leave? Probably.

Khravel sifted through the reasons to leave. He did have paperwork to finish up and an agreement to review. The budget needed tweaking, as well, to move some funds to the disaster relief efforts in the East hemisphere. He couldn’t bring himself to mention any of those things now, though. Not with Taliyra’s dark eyes watching him, not with her scent wafting from her quarters.

“Well, let’s get on with it,” he finally said, after being unable to come up with a reason to leave. The nerves under his skin felt buzzy and agitated, but he clamped down on the sensation. He was going to be careful, as he always was with Taliyra.

“We don’t have to, if you don’t want to,” she sighed, not moving from her position in the door. She’d rather he not even make an appearance if he was going to act so unwilling. It wasn’t as if he was the one contracted out, after all.

Kharvel inclined his head, a stillness overtaking his posture. “Do you not want to do this?”

A flare of heat burst up her spine, her cheeks reddening. This was her job! It wasn’t a matter of ‘want’ for her. She had to perform to a certain degree to be compensated. Though she had wanted more from Khravel. Something more… satisfying than what he gave her during these nights. “I didn’t say that.”

“Then…” He made a motion with his hand, indicating the bedroom. That awkward stillness still cramped up his motions as he watched the Terran woman carefully.

Taliyra’s lips thinned, her eyes flicking from the bedroom to Kharvel. She gave him one last chance to bow out and forget this meeting even happened. He merely stood, waiting for her to move. He could have easily shoved her away or even picked her up, but he didn’t. In fact, he rarely touched her and when he did, it was the briefest of contact.

The knot in her throat hadn’t dissipated with his presence. It just grew. She ignored the sensation as she stepped back, motioning for Khravel to enter. His boots clacked on the floor as he crossed the threshold. The door hissed shut behind him and, once more, the two stared at each other.

Taliyra was the first to turn away and head for her bedroom. After a breath, she heard Kharvel follow, his feet dragging. She wished he wouldn’t act like a man headed to the gallows.

---

Next - Master List

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[mynameisnotfiveweenies]

Mina's plan | Bakugou Katsuki x Reader

Summary: Y/N has had a crush on Bakugou forever, when nothing seems to progress she goes to Mina for help.

I knew this was a bad idea. I should've just done it my way, staring at him and hoping he'd get the hint. Mina had other ideas.

It was in a moment of weakness and desperation that I ended up outside her dorm room, holding up a fist debating whether to knock or not. I knocked and she answered almost immediately.

She smiled at my presence before stepping aside to let me in. "What can I do for you?"

"I need you to help me get Bakugou."

Her smirk should had been my first red flag.

Now I stood outside 2-A's classroom, face full of natural makeup that made me look more alive than I normally do for a 9am start and my uniform skirt just slightly shorten than normal. My hair was down in carefully placed ringlets. Even I could admit, I looked pretty. I almost didn't recognise myself in the mirror. My heart was beating out of my chest.

Mina stood beside me, a huge grin on her face. "You look gorgeous stop over thinking." She shoved me into the classroom and followed soon after. I walked with my head down, embarrassed, as I took my seat behind Bakugou.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him look up at me, his eyebrow raised slightly. I tried to calm my racing heart and sent him a small smile.

"Good morning, Bakugou." I greeted, feeling a little more confident than before.

When I sat, he turned around with wide eyes. "What's with you being all dolled up?"

"What? Do you not like it?" I said, lifting a piece of curled hair to examine it between my fingers.

"I never said that dumbass." He grumbled before turning back to look at the front of my classroom when Aizawa walked in.

The day went by with glances from Bakugou but he never said anything else rather from the usual chat. I got more attention from the people I didn't want.

Iida had blushed when he came over to take my hero costume order and said "You're looking nice today, L/N."

He left quickly after but I couldn't help but notice Bakugou glared at him through hooded eyes.

I went back to the dorm after lessons had finished in defeat. I knew it was a stupid idea.

I quickly got into a pair of sweats and a hoodie. I was in the process of taking off the ridiculous makeup before someone knocked on my door. I slammed my makeup wipe on the table before stomping over to open the door.

Bakugou stood there, a conflicted look on his face. Of fucking course, he just had to arrive as soon as I took everything off.

"Hey." I said quietly.

He looked up and his eyes seemed to brighten. "That's much better." He said, pushing passed the door and into my dorm.

I closed the door before turning to him. "What-"

I didn't get a chance to finish my question as his lips were on mine. A gasp exited my parted lips before I began to kiss him back. He tasted of mint and smelled like sugar. I melted into him as I entwined my fingers behind his neck.

"You." He broke away from the kiss before kissing me again. "Are." He said between the kisses. "So. Beautiful."

I sighed as he kissed me more. Maybe Mina's plan wasn't so bad.

"Seeing all those extras looking you like that," He said as he reached down to kiss my neck. I could barely hear him over the thump in my chest. "You don't know how pissed off it made me."

He kissed down my neck, nipping slightly. I moaned against him as I ran my hands through his hair. He reached up to kiss my lips again.

I giggled into the kiss.

[radfemnotfemme]

TIMs are so easy to spot😂😂

I was scrolling on the butchlesbian subreddit when i saw this post of this masc lesbian being criticized

the post is not important tho. when i checked the comments on this post i noticed one comment left was very weird by u/Aradian_Nights

you can read below, obviously this is a really fucking weird comment to leave just by the use of “huge tits” “thousands of simps” to describe this girl

I thought this comment was just frankly fucking weird due to the uncalled for commenting on her breasts when that has nothing to do with ANYTHING (also considering her breasts are barely visible in the video and i would say are of average size)

as expected, user who left the comment is a TIM. Lol. do they seriously think they will ever be able to pass as women when it’s so clear they still think and function like a man? I didn’t even think about her breast size at all.

This just goes to show that these TIMs think that life as a skinny big titted woman is life on easy mode and nothing else matters, which i’m sure is why a lot of them choose to transition in the first place. Also it’s funny the TIM is saying she’s just a massive red flag of “badly handled personality disorder” when personality disorders is a big reason why TIPs transition in the first place. Projection much?? edit: going thru their comment history they actually have BPD LMAO the chances

[lyle-and-erik-menendez]

Notes from Interview with Dr. Ann Burgess | Revisiting Menendez

Ann spoke with Erik on numerous occasions in preparation of the trial, interviews, therapy and attempts to get him to draw his story were completed. Ann also reached out to Lyle who refused and continued to work with John Conte, Lyle in the past and up to this day appears to be much more discriminating on who he interacts with then Erik. As a result much of her conclusions come directly from Erik, though she did interview the brothers together and spoke to Lyle at court multiple times, Erik was her patient. 

She makes a comment that Lyle made Erik go in first, Ann says the reason was “Maybe because he thought he wouldn't if he didn't”

I don’t understand what she means by this. Does she mean Erik wouldn't follow? Or that Lyle couldn't go through with the murders? 

Lack of Planning into crime: anger and fear based, out of the blue, unconcerned with where parents were, people hear the shooting and did not shut any doors, no silences on guns, had never shut a gun before, randomness of shooting was driven by fear, Jose 6 Kitty 10 - overkill, Ann mentions another similar case at the same time where an incest survivor killed her father, went into treatment not prison when the evidence was belatedly brought up.

Jose and Kitty: No one cared about the gunshots, no one tried to assist despite hearing. Is this due to how disliked they were in the neighborhood or more about Jose’s shady business deals being an open secret? Police also did not do much in terms of crime scene investigations, letting the brothers go

 Ann discusses Erik and PTSD, she claims at the time of the trial she did not consider Erik to have PTSD and makes no more comments about this aside from discussing the change between generalized anxiety and PTSD

Lyle struggled with relationships and schools, both boys acted out in unnecessary ways like theft ( they had money ) this is considered a red flag now in reference to abusive households or other concerns with young people who rebel against their homes and societal expectations. The boys bought Rolex watches and gave them away to friends and family. Ann also mentioned how tennis was helpful for Erik’s mental health, ‘dissociation’ ‘mental health’ in the way that he could focus on that and nothing else for hours at a time as the tennis was rigorous. 

Ann claimed that Erik saw he and his brother as “Conjoined twins” as well as his main form of support whereas Lyle saw them as ‘little brother - big brother’, she said it could be hard to get Erik off the subject of Lyle, which she did not find unusual as they did everything together, including the crime that they were discussing. Lyle would get angry at Erik but Erik would never get angry at Lyle and mentioned that Erik would “wouldn't dare as he was his main support, when the mother made her feelings clear”. 

Ann also spoke to Kitty Menenedez’s therapist and found out these details. That Jose had multiple affairs with women over the years. Kitty was 'obsessed’ with Jose. Kitty went to all the tennis tournaments of the boys and never missed them, and Jose and Kitty both would aggressively intimidate teachers to change grades.

Something I find odd as well is that for a family of that stature hosting parties and entertaining is a huge way to both continue business, socialise and throw around wealth, for them to do so is out of character as well as out of the social circles they were running around. This to me would imply that the family would separate themselves from mainstream society as much as possible to continue with fantasy images and not risk exposure.

Ann goes on to mention from Kitty's therapist that Kitty ‘viewed sons as trophies’. Considers Kitty to be a narcissist but Jose not sociopath, psychopath or antisocial, Pathological in regards to sons however he expressed what she called ‘muted sadism’ instead of overt sadism with his sexual abuse. 

Ann considered Jose to have said things to Lyle that Jose would never have said to Erik Erik easily brainwashed “that was his nature”. From discussion with Lyle’s therapist she noted that Lyle kept using ‘mother’ as a metaphor for ‘brother’ in discussing the abuse and reason for the crime. Saying things like “I had to save my mother” when he meant and would later admit to it being Erik that he was always referring to

I think this implies that both brothers had/have a history  with struggling to see Kitty as a perpetrator 

Anne ends the interview with discussion of Jose’s excuse of ‘male bonding’ to normalize and change the narrative of the sexual abuse with his sons. She mentioned that this is typical in incest cases of excuses for why its okay. She mentions that Father-son abuse and the  patriarchal nature of society, which is part of why it's both so prevalent as well as not discussed at the same time.  This is exemplified by the difference between male and female juries and the ‘trying to understand another’s perception’ If someone can’t identify with it, it didn't happen. Her phrasing of the men on the jury and their inability to identify with male victims of sexual violence by anyone ‘ I would never do that this could never happen’ compared to the women ‘ I could see this happening’ in terms of male on male rape and female perpetrators as foreign ideas.

One final note from Ann was that she found it interesting that the focus on the ‘gay’ brother was only on Erik and never on Lyle. She viewed one brother as more ‘picked on' over the other by the prosecution and the public.

[hyuneskkami]

˗ˏˋ daughters of war ˎˊ˗

ch i. brown eyed girl

⟡ c. la rue x reader

d.o.w. nav | →

𝜗𝜚 wc . . . 1k

𝜗𝜚 a/n . . .

ahh i’m so excited for this! it’s my first multi-chapter fic + my first wlw fic too (the only one i’ve done before is the piper x fem!reader smau) <3 a huge shoutout to mori for coming up with an idea about how I could write the opening scene (: I don’t want to ramble lmao, so happy reading! this is a relatively short opening chapter, but there’s more to come (; ps. cliffhanger. find it under the cut <3

𝜗𝜚 warnings . . .

swearing like three times overall?, mentions of blood (bloody nose), nothing much else

𝜗𝜚 taglist . . .

@nuncscioquidsitamor-13 @seastargrl @nqds @kt88 @percabethlvr

@maybxlle @over-the-oceancall @mqstermindswift @metyouattherighttime @gabby-duhh

@death-in-love

“my brown-eyed girl; you, my brown-eyed girl . . .”

⋆˚ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

“have you ever dreamt about the stars?”

“in what sense?”

“in the sense that embodies the cosmic loneliness they feel, being far away from another. and, in the sense that they burn so bright, they don’t appear so.”

“well no, never.”

⋆˚ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

clarisse’s pov . . .

“let’s have a show of hands, guys!” the boy grinned. “who here wants to let this kid go, even before we get to the fun parts?”

his friends chortled like pigs, and kept their hands down, smirking at the young boy being cornered by them. I wasn’t too amused by their actions, but since they weren’t my siblings, I didn’t have any direct control over them unless they physically laid a hand on the kid.

“weren’t you ever taught that you shouldn’t pick on someone half your size, you wanker?” a voice rang out, loud. I sighed.

some girl was getting herself into trouble, and I promised myself I wouldn’t get involved in petty fights between pesky campers.

so, clicking my tongue lightly, my eyes drifted back to the book resting on my lap. I picked it up and continued reading.

“oh, help! i’m so scared, come pick me up, mommy!” one of the boys mocked.

smack!

“you should be.”

I looked up to see the oldest boy’s bloody nose. a smile threatened to take over my face.

either he didn’t know how to take a punch, or the girl packed a really good one. I really hoped it was the second one, so I could procure a competent camper to join my team for capture the flag tomorrow.

my gaze wandered to meet her brown eyes, sunlight striking them at an angle that made them look hauntingly beautiful.

the corners of her mouth slightly twisted up, in a smirk, or a grin, I couldn’t tell, and her head tilted just a bit to the side. her glasses were a bit askew, from the force of swinging her arm with strength rivalling my own, probably.

her piercing eyes narrowed onto my own.

and, oh boy, did that have an effect on me.

y/n’s pov . . .

do I regret hitting the guy without properly covering my knuckles first? probably.

do I feel bad for hearing a small ‘crack’ from the guy’s nose? absolutely not, actually.

just because he was an exchange camper from camp jupiter, and was jupiter’s son, he couldn’t just get away with treating others like shit.

I mean, jason is his technically-brother, but he turned out kind, didn’t he?

speaking of jason, I realised I had forgotten to pick up both of our extra pairs of glasses from a mortal shop for our next quest.

I turned around, looking for something to wipe my slightly-bloody hand on, when I met someone else’s eyes.

dark eyes. gorgeous eyes. making-me-weak-in-my-knees eyes.

my eyes trailed over her face, realising it was clarisse. clarisse was the name I was warned about; the vicious daughter of ares, apparently.

she didn’t look all that vicious as she held a cheesy romance novel in her hands.

whichever her expression was—of awe? disgust? admiration? annoyance?—she quickly masked it to a neutral one.

“that’s a nice book you’re reading,” I said, walking closer.

her neck turned red as blood rushed up till her ears. she shut the book with a snap! and I reached around her, to grab the towel hanging on the back of her chair.

“see you later, rue,” I whispered in her ear, grinning when she shivered.

“I want my towel back! and, it’s la rue to you!” she shouted, as I walked away.

“rue.”

⋆˚ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

I informed chiron of my ride into the city to get my glasses and jason’s. he asked my sister, annabeth, to go with me.

and everyone knows that where my sister goes, her boyfriend does too (which is really cute, but I would never admit that to them, obviously.).

percy trailed behind annie and I as we stopped at a grocery store first, to get some snacks, while we talked about malcolm’s latest project for a camp competition.

“I need some chocolates,” percy said, randomly.

he added some blue syrup to the shopping cart, and I stacked up on some snacks. annie bought a swiss knife and a few coffee-flavoured chocolates.

“are those for-”

“grover? yeah,” annie replied, smiling.

“how come he’s spoiled with all these treats when he gets back from his quests, but i’m not?” percy pretended to frown. annie gave him a peck.

I laughed at him, and we paid for our stuff with chiron’s money, and loaded it all into the back of the car.

“everyone have their seatbelts on?” I asked before starting the car to drive to the glasses shop. after they hummed in response, I started the car.

“should you even be driving? I mean, is it safe? aren’t you too short for that?” percy smirked at me through the mirror.

“if you know what’s good for you, you won’t talk shit to the person who’s driving the car you’re sitting in, smartass,” I grumbled, narrowing my eyes at him.

I drove on the side roads to get to the store faster, wanting to get back to camp before night began.

the radio station was playing a japanese rock song that I remember thalia teaching me once.

‘haa? ussee ussee ussee wa!¹

anata ga omou yori kenkou desu!²

issai gassai bonyou na!³

anata ja wakaranai kamo ne!’⁴

it started drizzling, and so, smiling to myself, I pulled up to the parking in front of the glasses store.

“i’ll be right back guys, it’ll be just a few minutes,” I said, undoing my seatbelt.

“okay, just-”

“THE TRUCK-”

“WHAT THE F-”

crash!

¹— ‘huh? shut up, shut up, shut the fuck up!’

²— ‘i’m healthier than you think!’

³— ‘you are too ordinary,’

⁴— ‘to understand me, perhaps!’

⤷ song: うっせぇわ (usseewa) by ado

kozumesphone © 2024 | don’t repost my works onto other platforms, or edit and post them even on tumblr, without asking me first • don’t steal my works, steal my heart instead • reblogs and comments are more than appreciated !

[madwomansapologist]

a private after party | park yeon-jin

Navigation | More Park Yeon-Jin | AO3

synopsis: It was just a party for award that Lee Sa-ra received. It was huge one, full of important people. But what really mattered was how you and Yeon-jin celebrated when no one was watching.

warnings: red flags? yeah, i've noticed them. smut. rough sex. degradation. praising. thigh riding. choking. s&m. masturbation. alcohol consumption. smoking. cheating (i'm so sorry ha do-yeong you deserve so much better my king). gn!reader is also part of the asshole club.

You both could've say it was an accident. A mistake. That after hours of feasting on whatever Lee Sa-ra mixed in your glasses stopped you both from thinking straight. That it meant nothing.

But that's not true.

It wasn't a mistake. Every second spend with Yeon-jin can't be a mistake. It wasn't the first time, or the second, nor the third. It wasn't a accident. No stupid party or expensive alcohol was responsible for anything.

The fault is on you for getting away from your friends and search for a empty room in that Gallery. The fault is on you for calling Yeon-jin — by dialing her number, because touching her contact would be too easy. The fault is on her for telling Ha Do-yeong to go home earlier, that she just wants to make sure her friends get home safe. The fault is on her for climbing three flights of stairs without once thinking about turning back and heading home instead.

But when Yeon-jin locked the door, the fault was on you both.

"Red wine?" Sitting in one of the armchairs, you smirked. "Are we celebrating?"

"Sa-ra just got awarded," leaning against the door, Yeon-jin held the bottle with both hands. She took a sip, straight from the bottle, and walked over to you. "Of course we are."

You reached out, but Yeon-jin pushed the bottle away from you. She took another sip, looking deep into your eyes, before giving in. After drinking a bit, you put bottle on the corner table. "That's a pretty dress you're wearing."

Yeon-jin rolled her eyes. "I'd look better naked."

"I know you do," you smiled, and once again Yeon-jin got reminded on why she loves you so much. The way your eyes darken when you have fun, your lips curling up when you smile, all your beautiful hair. You have kind words and behaves nicely, but you're just like her. "Still, all I can think about is Monica Lewinski."

Yeon Jin slid his knee against his thigh, and then rested his hands on the armchair behind his body. Her knee came up, pressing against your panties, and the evil smile finally appeared on her face. "You're already drunk, aren't you?"

"You never cared about this before. Neither did I," you licked your lips. You tugged at the hem of your red dress. "You're perfect, but you look even better when you wear my clothes."

Yeon-jin bent down until their noses brushed. You moved forward instinctively, but she decided to explore your neck. You smelled like wine, and tasted like something sweeter.

"He didn't even noticed," Yeon-jin laughed against your skin. "And he thinks he's so smart. So above anyone else."

"I could fuck you in front of him and he still wouldn't understand a thing," you could almost sense her pussy throbing. Yeon-jin has a weak point for talking shit about her husband. "Maybe I should try next time he invites me to dinner with you both. Show him how you need to be treated."

Her eyes got darker. "And how's that?" You don't know how she does that, but she does. And often.

Your fingers tightened around her waist, forcing her to sit on your lap. You grabbed her chin, nails piercing the soft skin. Yeon-jin didn't even realize she rolled her hips against your thights. It was instinctive.

"Like a needy bitch."

Your hand went up to her neck, and you held it tightly. Her gasp vibrated up your arm. "Aren't you even going to pretend I'm wrong?" You squeezed her waist. "Won't you at least pretend not to be my little bitch?"

Yeon Jin shut you up with a kiss. She threw herself against you, her fingers pulling your hair in an attempt to bring you even closer to her, and melted against your body.

You forced her waist down, feeling how soaked the fabric of her panties already was. She leaned on your shoulders, sliding against you. Yeon-jin lifted her dress, exposing her black lingerie.

Yeon-jin has never been the type to ask for what she wants. She just takes it.

You squeezed her body, your fingers marking her ever so sensitive skin. Part of you wanted to really mark her. Sucking her neck, spanking her ass hard, scratching her back. You wanted to mark her as yours, expose to Ha Do-yeong how you managed to take from him the only thing that really mattered. How Yeon-jin was never his, always yours.

"You look so pretty underneath me," Yeon-jin moaned.

But you wouldn't do this to her.

Yeon-jin unzipped your pants, rubbing her fingers against you. With her touching you like that, looking at you like that, you couldn't help but feel complete.

But feel owned.

Yeon Jin drank more of the wine, and put the bottle in his mouth. Wine ran down your chin, dripped onto your clothes, but you didn't care. How could you?

You pulled her by her hair, bringing Yeon Jin's mouth to yours. You kissed her, making her drink the wine in your mouth, and moaned when Yeon-jin's hand became rougher. Less delicate. Just the way she knows you love it.

You're the only one that can make her head get empty. Bringing pleasure to Yeon-jin until that's all she is. A squirming little thing that only cares about having more of you. No one could replace you.

She's the only one that can make you desperate. That can turn you into something simple: into something needy. Someone that craves for her and only her. No one could make you forget her.

Open mouth, empty mind. Yeon-jin melting against your thigh, you breaking apart in her hand. Close eyes, full heart. No other drug can bring you both to ecstasy so easily.

"You're my favorite toy," Yeon-jin whimpered. A needy bitch. Your needy bitch. "My pretty, beautiful doll. You're the only one for me. You know that."

The mark of your nails on her throat were a proof of that. The stained dress on her body were a proof of that. The soaked pantie covering her used cunt were a proof of that. Yeon-jin calling your name at night, sleeping beside her husband, were a proof of that.

You took the bottle from her hand, taking a large sip. Darken eyes, curled up lips, your beautiful hair. Yeon-jin already knew what you would say, even before you opened your mouth. "I know that."

if you enjoyed, please reblog! i promise it makes a difference ♡

@ madwomansapologist.tumblr.

[sessakag]

Now all I can think about is Prey!Papa-Naruto because it would be the wildest funniest thing ever! Poor Hinata is probably trying to make sure her kids grow up to be good morally upstanding people and Naruto is just….Yeah 😬. Funnily enough this Naruto probably wouldn’t have as much of a contentious relationship with Boruto because there’s no way he’s putting work above spending time how he wants 😭. And as a Kawaki hater I’m pleased to say I don’t see this Naruto being altruistic enough to take in some random abused kid so really we’ve got my ideal version of the Uzumaki family 🫢. Anyway, I bet parent-teacher conferences and kiddy playdates and birthday parties are gonna be fun times 🤣. Speaking of bday parties happy early birthday! I hope it’ll be a fun one.

Daddy Prey!Naruto is the funniest thing ever, lol.

For sure, Naruto would spend time with his little mini-me. Who would stop him?

I feel like Boruto would be very aware that his father is a homicidal nutjob and spend his time trying to keep innocents out of harms way, but he does it in ways that are just as bad as his father, because of course, the apple doesn't fall that far from the tree, and that he has this huge blind spot to when his own inner crazy is starting to show, lol. And of course, mess with his mom or baby sister, well then, you'll have a hard time telling Naruto and Boruto apart at all🤭he'd justify his violence and the bodies in his closet because Prey!Narupapa taught him that delusion is just another way to say correct, and there's nothing wrong with customizing your own reality when it's convenient. He'd also spend so much time trying to undo Hima's worst tendencies their dad is teaching her in an effort to help his mom out, but ends up making it worse by teaching her "alternative" tendencies that are just as bad but much more slicker than his father's open bluntness, which ultimately, makes Hinata's job harder, lol. Poor lady, I can see her trying to explain the situation to her crazy husband. Hinata: I'm trying to make sure the kids have a moral compass, Naruto Naruto: The fuck they need that for?

I'll be honest, I really don't know all that much about Kawaki since I don't watch the show, but his design is very cool, and the clips I've seen of him on youtube I vibe with🤭but Naruto being altruistic and adopting a poor orphan? Not fuckin likely at all, lol. Prey!Naruto wouldn't care about any kids but his own🤷🏽‍♀️so you're all set for sure, lol.

Parent-teacher conferences would be lit af😂imagine Naruto's big buff tatted up self sitting in one of those itty bitty chairs at a table lower than his knees while the teacher tries to get him to understand that it's not a good thing that his little girl is drawing her classmates with their heads somewhere other than on their shoulders🤣he would be so insulted and have a very scary diatribe about why Hima's work is "art" not a "red flag". The teacher would resign the next day by the time he was done. Omg birthdays🙈One word: Pinata. Take that as you will, lmao!

And omg, I wanna write Prey!Naruto at a PTA meeting, lmao! And you'd think Hinata was the one that dragged him to it, but NO, he'd go on his own because he's a super paranoid bastard that needs to know what is going on in his orbit and that includes his hellspawns, and if he doesn't like what he hears he'll have to retire a few folks to ensure things are being run for the benefit of his offspring😂

Hima's not doing a kiddy playdate, study date, pretend date, any date. Over somebody else's dead body would Naruto allow his baby girl to do any sorta dating🤣hell naw, and don't @ him about it. End of discussion. Why? Because Naruto knows how guys are, and considering the things he does to Hima's mother on a regular basis, he's dead set on not letting any guy near his daughter until she's at least 80 years old, if she's lucky. Teen!Hima good luck trying to date or get a boyfriend😅especially since big brother's not gonna be too keen on the idea either, lol. And thank you for the early birthday wishes!!💕

I feel like this SOL Prey!Naruto family is set in stone to be a thing at this point, lmao. I'm certainly sold on it. I won't say whether or not I plan on Hinata getting knocked up in Prey, ya'll will have to wait and find out but I definitely think this should be a full SOL fic at this point, lol. It's just too good to pass up🤭

[orionpolanosnox]

Yes!

My boss wants to FINALLY evict the troublemaker in our stable!

She was WAY too gracious with her for WAY too long! She came to us just last autumn.

Everyone knew about her baggage before she moved in and there was a lot of talk about it. She changed stables 7 times in 6 or 7 year which was a huge red flag for everyone. I still kept an open mind because sometimes people are just a little weird and want to find their place plus being the new person can be difficult if the others want you gone. Some stables are bad places because of the people there.

NOT the case here!

She is such a disrespectful, egocentric and wasteful person. It's INSANE! I have never met anyone with such a disregard for other people. Me, Me, Me and then My horse. That's all she cares about!

What would you do if someone with a 3 year old that wasn't worked in a week asked you to wait until she's on the horse before you canter? RIGHT! You are considerate! Well, she didn't care. And there are plenty such cases. We have an app where our people share/announce when they'll be in the indoor arena. People actively change their time and reschedule their fucking days to NOT be in the arena at the same time as her! She fucking writes people individually and tells them to not use the arena because she wants to use it. (WTF?!) She writes that she'll do flatwork but then does something entirely else and hinders everyone else. One evening she put cavaletti in the arena and just left them there and didn't even turn the lights off when she was finished. We (grooms and bosses) are usually gone by 7:30pm. A late bird discovered the state of the arena at 9:15pm and rightfully complaint about it in the group chat.

She KEEPS forgetting to put away her shit or just leaves her halter at the pasture leaving us with nothing in the morning. We still have her crop and she never fucking asked for it back?? I think she knows she fucked up at that point because there was a message every few days to PLEASE collect the equipment left in the arena. My boss was SO done with it that she gave us permission to outright throw everything in the bin we find in the morning. After I found literal garbage (a paper cup) plus a whip, reins and a lunge I was done. I took a picture and posted in the group chat that the owner can find their things next to the bin. (The lunge was never picked up. My colleague took it in the end.) But after that no stuff was left in the arena so the threat worked. Now she "only" throws her shit in front of her stall....

She is a bad rider too. She doesn't mistreat her horse or anything, she is just not good at it AT ALL. I don't even know why she brought her horse. They are such a bad match but she also doesn't work on herself to make anything better either. Not being a good rider isn't shame worthy and I wouldn't make or want a person to feel bad for it but this woman thinks she is the VERY best! Cream of the crop who knows EVERYTHING! She "teaches" a preteen girl who rides her pasture mates pony and I wish she wouldn't. She is such a fearful rider and you know these people that make shit up in the moment just to explain something that just happened? That's her. She is just constantly talking out of her ass.

She is wasteful because she keeps throwing away perfectly fine hay because she is just too lazy to separate it from the horse bedding. Her gelding has a whole bale on his winter pasture and she actually asked us to feed him hay once he is brought back to his stall in the afternoon. He never eats a lot of his breakfast served starting at 6am. He is of the kind that eats until he gets his muesli and then just waits to get outside. He is in his stall by 3pm and gets dinner at 6pm. We don't feed hay/haylage at noon and she knows that! But she wanted us to anyways because her horse has special needs. Spoiler: He doesn't! She just don't know anything and does him such a disservice with her constant pampering.

She put up a hay rack in her stall and we are supposed to ONLY put her horses hay in there but she kept stuffing it to the brim AND threw a bunch loosely in the stall until my boss tore her a new one. If she doesn't put it in the rack neither are we!

And because she thinks that she is SUCH an expert in fucking everything she offers her "services" to "advise" people about their horses diets online. Her credentials? She owned a horse for the past ten years so she knows what she's talking about. Obviously! The punchline here is that a colleague joked and essentially made fun of her TO HER FACE that she should offer her "wisdom" for money because she wouldn't stop commenting on the things people including this colleague fed their horses...

She always likes to annoy the others with her "worries" about their horses.

She seriously told a girl that we don't feed her horse in the evening anymore. Like??? WTF??

The owner of said horse started to pile up hay in her stall in the afternoon because of it. That said she isn't the brightest either... I'm surely no Einstein but that is what she does.... She picks on the weakest or most uninformed. She is sickly sweet and in a good mood at ALL times and has the confidence and presence to confidently spout her nonsense AND seem trustworthy to these very few. 95% hate her btw.

She started to write me directly at some point this autumn if she wanted something but since I told her off that NO, we won't feed your already VERY fed horse in the afternoon, she stopped and I am SO happy about it!

Finally I do wish her the best but she is SO resistant to ANY form of criticism that I don't think she'll change. Like at all. She only stayed so long with us because my bosses can be pushovers sometimes.

We are nice. We were nice! My bosses were TOO nice even! The staff gave her a fair chance but she didn't even try. She takes and takes and takes but doesn't want to offer anything ever. Neither to us and even less to her stable mates.

You will always have some difficult people in a place where 50+ people meet but jesus FUCKING christ I have never met a person less inclined to not piss off everyone and not to be as nosy and obnoxious as possible.

Worst part is that I don't even think she is able to register any of this. She KNOWS when she has fucked up yet again and it shows in her apologetic, defensive behaviour but she just doesn't do anything to better herself.

Joana, I wish you the best but good riddance!

[crazyunsexycool]

My little love

Chapter 20

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word count: 9.4K (how did this happen?”

Warnings: angst, a little bit of fluff, physical attack toward a child, mentions of cuts and bruises (nothing graphic), reader’s mom, cursing, protective Bucky, Steve being Steve

A/N: I am both so excited and slightly sorry for this! Don’t hate me but we see the reader’s family for the first time and learn why she isn’t close to any of them except for Ed!

Series Masterlist

Ch. 19

The first few days back home were a big adjustment. There were no more early mornings to take Henry to a lab. No afternoon strolls to play with goats or explore a place you’ve never been too. Everyone was happy though. The old family routine was back in place with the exception of watching over Lottie more than necessary in case of a vision. Henry did start having a few more nightmares as he remembered some of the things hydra had him do but Bucky was there every single night to help him.

The most exciting part about being back home is being able to plan Charlotte’s fourth birthday party. You and Bucky had decided to keep it small, just the team. Through the week and a half leading up to it you had to remind Tony multiple times that there would be no huge parties. He would pout but agree nonetheless. Still you suspected that he was up to something.

The theme you decided on you found while late night scrolling through Pinterest. When you showed Bucky the idea he agreed immediately while he laughed. The party would be four-nado themed. It was more as a joke for the adults than anything else. Since Charlotte was a force to be reckoned with. No one in her path was safe, she could melt hearts with a smile and wrap anyone around her little finger with her sweet personality.

Now Lottie wasn’t really sure what was going on; she was just happy to help decorate. With the team done for the day with mission debriefs and paperwork everyone gathered at one of the shared living spaces. The birthday girl wore a shirt that said four-nado, a cute skirt and pigtails. While you had shirts for you, Bucky and Henry that said storm chaser. The only person you were waiting on was Steve. After he finally got back to you saying he was just a few minutes away the small party had started. Just like he said he was in the living room a few minutes later.

“Steebie!” Charlotte ran and jumped into his arms as if she hadn’t seen him in years.

“Here’s my best girl.”

“What the hell took you so long?” You asked.

“Well-“ he scratched the back of his neck as he blushed. “I have a bit of a surprise.”

“What did you do?”

“Who? is the better question.” Clint said with a smirk from his place on the couch.

“Steve?”

“I’d like you to meet someone.”

You narrowed your eyes at him as he turned and waved someone in. She was tall and slender. Long strawberry blonde hair and fair skin.

“Everyone, this is Julie. Julie this is well… everyone. This is Charlotte, my best girl, and it’s her birthday. These are her parents and my closest friends Bucky and Y/N.”

“Best girl?” She sounded annoyed or maybe bothered by the term. “Sometimes I forget you’re so old.” She turns to you now. “It’s uh- nice to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you.”

“Really? We haven’t heard a word about you.” Steve gives Bucky a light hearted glare.

The whole team was surprised. Never in all of the years since knowing Steve had you even heard him talk about a date. Now he was here bringing some random woman to your daughter’s birthday party. You and Bucky looked at each other with the same displeasure on your faces. Unfortunately for Steve and everyone else in the room Lottie was the first to state her dislike of this new person.

“Don’t wike it. Bad Steebie.” Lottie said as she began to cry and reach out for anyone who would take her. That was an immediate red flag. Lottie likes everyone and is open to meeting new people. So her trying to get away from someone she had never met before made you feel uneasy. “Don’t wike it.” She said again as she pointed at Julie.

Bucky moved away from a very confused Steve and his date. Lottie continued to cry until Bucky just left the room.

“Is that why it’s a tornado theme? She seems like a handful. I’d just have a nanny if it were me.” Julie tried to joke but it fell flat.

Steve looked at you like a lost puppy unsure of what to do. Should he leave with Julie or stay and wait until Charlotte calmed down?

“Let me go make sure she’s ok. Don’t go anywhere. Come on Henry.”

Steve motioned for Julie to sit while you left to find Bucky. He introduced the rest of the team. The others, Nat and Clint especially, kept their eyes on the stranger.

“So how did you two meet?” Tony broke the silence. He was already running a background check on her.

“He was leaving the art shop just as I was leaving the bookshop in town. We ran into each other. Then Steve invited me for coffee.”

“Really? You must be really special to get the attention of our very dear Captain.”

“Tony.” Steve throws a warning glance his way.

“Oh come on old man I’m just teasing.”

“How long have you been seeing each other?” Sam asked, equally as surprised that his friend hadn’t mentioned anything.

“About a month already.”

The silence was deafening and Steve felt like an idiot for bringing Julie to the party. It wasn’t helping that everyone kept looking from him to Julie and back. Worst of all Charlotte was upset on her birthday.

****

You and Bucky walk back out with Charlotte holding both of your hands and Henry at Bucky’s side.

“Alright, she’s calmed down enough. Why don’t we sit so that we can have dinner.”

Everyone moved from the living room to the dining room. Nat and Clint sat side by side, whispering amongst themselves and bringing Wanda into it when she sat next to Clint. Everyone else took their usual spots with Lottie being right in the middle with you on one side, Henry on the other and Bucky next to Henry. Unfortunately that means that Steve and his date were right across from the four of you. At first the only thing that could be heard was the plates being passed along the table and the cutlery against the plates. It wasn’t until Henry made Charlotte giggle that the tension in the room eased up a bit. You gave Steve a small smile but he just looked upset.

The dinner goes better than expected, with Lottie only glaring in Julie’s direction once in a while. Wanda was kind enough to bring the cake out and everyone sang happy birthday to Lottie which made her giggle. She blew out the candles perfectly. Bucky sat with her days in advance to make sure she did it right. After cake and pictures everyone went back to the living room. The mood was lighter and the party games you prepared were being played.

Gifts were being given to Charlotte. Putting aside the issue with Steve’s date it was obvious the birthday girl was having the time of her life. She was currently pulling a baby doll out of a box.

“So pwetty.” She says as she examines it carefully. Then Lottie runs to Sam and gives him a hug. “Tank you, Sammie.” Lottie says with a bright smile.

“You are welcome, sweet Angel.”

You hear a small scoff coming from Julie and you turn to look at her. She averts her eyes when she notices you looking at her and tries to mask her irritation but it wasn’t working. You wanted her gone but you also felt bad for Steve. Turning back to Charlotte you watched her open another gift with Bucky’s help. Then she ran to Bruce to hug and thank him.

“I’ll be right back, I forgot her gift.” Steve says and quickly walks out of the living room.

“Mama, look.” Lottie holds up another gift and smiles.

You grab your camera and start snapping pictures. Henry sits with Nat as he watches his sister play. He’s laughing at something she’s said. Everyone is starting to relax and joke even more so no one notices Julie slip away and leave in the same direction Steve had.

After all the gifts were opened and Lottie had thanked everyone individually. The team begins to joke around and use Charlotte’s new toys. Tony goes off on a rant pointing out design flaws and that he could make better toys. You and Bucky take a moment to pick up the wrapping paper and go throw it out. No one noticed Charlotte walking away in search of Steve.

****

“Steebie?” Charlotte called out as she wandered through the empty hallway. There was no fear in Lottie as she went further into the apartment section of the compound. She had been back and forth multiple times and knew her way around. “Steebie.” She called out again this time a bit louder. Lottie was a girl on a mission to find her favorite person.

Lottie’s hand glided over the glass walls as she went further down the hallway. The only place on her mind was Steve’s apartment, which was up one floor. Lottie ran when she saw the elevators and pushed the button, happily waiting for the doors to open. When they do she’s face to face with the one person she’d be happy to never see again, Julie.

“Oh for fucks sake.” She looks down at Charlotte and rolls her eyes.

“Don’t wike.”

“Too bad.”

Julie walks out of the elevator forcing Lottie to back up. She tilts her head back all the way to be able to look up at the stranger.

She starts to look around panicking. “Mama.” She calls out as the vision she had in Wakanda starts to turn into a reality. Lottie is very much aware of what’s going to happen next.

“Mama,” Julie mocks Lottie as she calls for you. She could see the fear in Lottie’s eyes and she just smiled. “You are such a spoiled little brat.”

“Dada. Steebie.”

“I’ll make sure Steve stays far away from you.” Julie crouches so that she is eye level with Lottie and grabs her face, her nails digging into Lottie’s cheeks. “Steve doesn’t even love you.”

“Am Steebie’s best girl.” Charlotte says after pulling away. She pushes Julie and with her strength she manages to not only make her lose balance but to be thrown across the small space and against the wall. Lottie makes a run for the hallway she just walked through but Julie gets in her way.

“I’m going to teach you a lesson on respecting people.”

*****

“Where’s Charlotte?” You asked the moment you walked back into the living room. “And where’s Julie?”

You didn’t even wait for a response as you moved to go look for Lottie. Bucky right behind you and the others went to search in different areas.

“Friday, where is Charlotte?”

“She is by the elevators Sergeant Barnes.”

You run down the hallway and as you turn the corner you’re horrified by the scene unfolding in front of you.

“Come here you fucking brat.” Julie says as she moves towards Charlotte and grabs her arm harshly. Lottie screams in pain and grabs at the hand grabbing her.

“Let her go before I end you.”

Julie spins around at the sound of your voice. She did it so quickly and with such force that she pulled Charlotte with her and straight into one of the glass walls. The impact causes it to shatter and you see red.

Bucky asks Friday to get everyone here while he runs towards Charlotte to get her out of the broken glass. The cries of your daughter only spur you on as you pin Julie against the wall.

“Are you fucking stupid?”

“She’s a brat, she pushed me into the wall with her freaky strength.”

“She’s a child and you’re fucking dumb for even thinking about putting your hands on her.” You say as you pull back and connect your first with her face.

One punch is all you managed to get before you’re pulled away. It doesn’t stop you from trying to grab her again and teach her a lesson for even looking at your sweet Angel wrong.

“Y/N, you have to calm down, Charlotte needs you.” Steve says as he pulls you further back.

“Get this bitch out of here.”

“I’m going to sue you and I’m going to take everything from you.”

“Yeah, good luck with that. I’ve already found all of your dirty little secrets and my lawyers can bury you in paperwork for the rest of your life.” Tony spits back.

“Get her out of here now!”

Nat moves to grab Julie’s arm and pulls her toward the elevator. Julie tries to get away from Nat and grab at you.

“You stupid bitch.”

Nat yanks her back and pulls her into the elevator.

“No, you Bitch.” Charlotte screams back in your defense between tears before the elevator door closes.

Everything was out of control. Charlotte’s birthday was ruined, she had been hurt, you were beyond angry and everyone was unsure of what to do next.

“Come here sweet Angel, let mama fix you up. Come on Henry.” You said as you took her from Bucky and left.

Steve’s heart was beating wildly out of his chest. He wanted to follow you just to make sure Lottie was ok. As soon as he took his first step Bucky stopped him and shook his head.

“I just want to make sure she’s ok.”

“She went through glass Steve of course she’s not ok. Just wait until I call you. Maybe make sure that crazy bitch is actually gone.” Bucky says before leaving.

Everyone starts to slowly and quietly leave while Steve just stands there unsure of what to do. His phone rings, breaking him out of the unfocused haze he was in.

“What do you want?” His tone was cold and full of anger.

“Your friend broke my nose. Aren’t you going to do anything about it?” Julie whined over the phone.

“I did do something. I got her off of you before she did more damage. You’re welcome.”

“She can’t go around hitting people. And your other friend threatened to make me disappear just because of what happened with the kid.”

“You hurt her daughter, what do you think she was going to do? Let you do it? Lose my number.” Steve snaps at her, deciding to ignore the comment about Nat.

“You’re breaking up with me because of a brat? Are you serious?”

“I’m breaking up with you because you showed me your true colors today. And she isn’t a brat, she’s a sweet kid.” He hangs up the phone and crushes it in his hands as it begins to ring again.

The elevator doors open and Nat walks back out as if nothing had happened. She pats his shoulder as she walks by him.

“I’ll go make sure Lottie’s ok and I’ll let you know. Why don’t you go up to your apartment?”

“Nat…” Steve’s eyes watered, he was overwhelmed with the whole situation. Never in his life did he think something like this could happen. Especially to Charlotte and because of him. Nat pulls him into a hug and he’s grateful but he wishes it was you or Bucky. He wanted to know neither of you were angry with him.

“Go, I promise to find you as soon as I know.”

Steve nods and turns towards the elevators. Shoulders slumped and head hanging low.

“It’s ok my sweet Angel, you’re safe. I just need to clean you up.” You murmured as you comforted a still crying Charlotte.

Your blood was boiling as you looked down at the cuts and bruises all over her face and arms. It was probably going to be a long night since she didn’t like the medbay but it was necessary.

“Henry, could you help me with your sister?”

He had watched everything happen since he followed you and Bucky. Currently he was shifting in and out of a translucent form. That only happened when he was overwhelmed emotionally.

“Are you going to hurt her because of what happened?”

“Of course not honey, she didn’t do anything wrong. I’m going to clean these because if I don’t then she can get sick and we don’t want that. But I need you to sit with her because she isn’t going to like it.”

With a pout of his own Henry gets up on the hospital bed. Following your instructions to sit back and hold his sister in his lap.

“Now Charlotte I have to clean all of these ok? It’s going to hurt a little but mama isn’t doing it on purpose. I don’t want to hurt you, ok?”

“Ok.” She says through stuttered breath.

Just as you put on a glove Bucky walks in. In his posture alone you can see he’s furious. It doesn’t help that he’s pacing back and forth and for a moment you remember his days as the winter soldier.

“Bucky,” you try to get his attention. “James.” His eyes snap to yours. “I need you to calm down or get out.”

“Aren’t you angry?”

“Extremely. But you’re scaring the kids and I can’t have that in here right at this moment.”

Bucky immediately softens his expression as he looks towards his babies. He walks over and sits at the other side of the bed.

“What do you need me to do?”

“Just be here with us.” You say as you begin to numb the areas that have small shards of glass.

Then your attention went to cleaning up the other cuts. They were small enough that they’d be gone in a few hours. Henry asks a thousand questions about what you’re doing which helps him stay distracted. After some crying, promises of more cake and a sleepover you got Lottie all patched up. Henry holds her hand as they walk out of the room followed by you and then Bucky.

“There’s the birthday girl.” Sam said.

The rest of the team cheered as Lottie and Henry got closer to the waiting room. Lottie looks around the room and pouts but walks toward Nat.

“Uppies?” She asks quietly and Nat picks her up happily.

“That was intense.” Bruce speaks up.

“Yeah, she’s gone right?”

“She’s gone.”

“She was insane. I mean how do you willingly hurt a kid like that?” Sam chimes in.

“Is bitch.” Lottie added and the talking ceased. Immediately the team starts to snicker and Lottie smiles.

“Don’t laugh. Lottie you can’t say that word, it’s a bad word.”

“Mama say it.” She points out as she looks at her father.

“Yeah but mama is a grown up and she shouldn’t have said it either.” Bucky tells his daughter.

“Sammie say it. And Buce say it. And to-“

“Ok kid that's enough. Maybe we can teach you that you don’t snitch on your uncles.” Tony cuts her off.

“Ok, this birthday has gotten out of hand. Let’s just call it a night and be thankful that that evil woman is out of our lives.”

“Bitch is bye bye?”

“Charlotte Elise Barnes.”

“What dada?” She smiles up at him and he can’t help but smile back.

“Don’t say that word anymore.”

“Kay. Can habe sleepover?”

“Yes we can, my sweet Angel. Say goodnight to everyone.” You take her from Nat before muttering. “I can’t believe her birthday was ruined.”

“Isn’t it a great thing that I planned a birthday bash for her on Saturday then?”

“I’m sorry what?”

“Saturday, birthday bash for our sweet Angel here. She deserves it. It’s going to be a pool party. I have everything handled and I even got the kiddo a new bathing suit.” Tony smiled once he finished talking.

“You know what, it’s fine with me. She deserves a do over.”

“Great because I already received the rsvps so it would have been very awkward.”

“Who is coming to this?”

“The Bartons, the Wilsons, and any agent that has kids.”

“Ok. We are leaving now.” You say and walk away to head up to your apartment.

After some quick showers and changing into fresh and warm pajamas the four of you had piled onto your bed. While trying to make up for the disastrous birthday party you let Lottie pick a movie to watch. Beauty and the Beast specifically, what a surprise. She fell asleep first, then Henry and surprisingly Bucky. You however could not even close your eyes as you stared at the ceiling.

There was one thing you had to do before you could even consider sleeping. With your attention on keeping Charlotte safe and then cleaning up her wounds you hadn’t stopped to think about Steve. Knowing how much he loved the kids, the guilt must be gnawing at him. You look over at the three sleeping forms, Henry laying on top of his father and Lottie tucked into his side, you get out of bed quietly and head to the only place Steve could possibly be.

****

You’ve heard it countless times, the sound of a punching bag ripping was unmistakable now. It was a sound that was burned into your brain from every time you’d found Steve in a gym. Late night sessions only meant one thing, he was sliding deep into a dark corner of his mind with feelings he didn’t know to express. You waited patiently at one of the benches as he hooked up another bag. His movements stopped before he began his assault on the bag again. Steve reluctantly takes the empty space beside you, the silence and the tension is awkward between you. You look over his features and know he’s already punishing himself more than necessary.

“So that was fucking wild.” You murmured. “Would you have visited me in prison if I killed her?”

“No.”

You look up at him surprised.

“I’d be planning your escape.”

You smile but he looks defeated. Still you wait patiently. After years of friendship you learned that Steve will talk about his emotions when he’s ready. There was no need to push.

“How is she? Is she ok? Was there any serious injury?”

“She’s fine, asleep. Most of the cuts are already gone.” You assured Steve and patted his back.

“How did Julie even get her in that hallway?”

“Yeah about that. You aren’t going to like the answer.”

Steve finally looks at you. His expression was a mixture of guilt and sadness.

“What is it?”

“Charlotte was at the elevators because she was looking for you. I saw the surveillance footage. Julie walked out of the elevator and cornered her. Told her some very untrue things and then Bucky and I showed up.” You sigh as you remember the footage. “Lottie was scared and she called out for us and then she called out for you.”

“I am so sorry.” He said, slumping forward and leaning his forearms on his thighs. “I was so stupid thinking she would be good for me. She was so sweet when we first met.”

“Steve, you didn’t do anything wrong, except maybe not tell me you were dating someone. Why didn’t you?”

“I didn’t want to take attention away from everything going on with the kids while you were in Wakanda. I thought by bringing her to the party she could see what my life was like and she could see who matters the most to me.”

“Steve, I’ll always have time for you. I couldn’t even go to bed because I knew you were upset. Now I know something else is bothering you, what is it?”

“I feel like I’m falling behind.” He admits and in moments like this you’re very grateful that your friendship has progressed enough that neither of you had to dance around your feelings. “Remember that conversation we had when we worked at Shield? About dating and wanting a family?”

It took you a moment but you remembered.

“Yeah. What about it?”

“I wasn’t ready then, I thought I was ready now. But I was wrong, so fucking wrong. I let my want of starting a family cloud my judgment. She isn’t a great person to begin with and now knowing I can’t even protect a child from getting hurt because of me… Lottie probably hates me and the worst was she tried to warn me.”

“Well, do you know what the best part about having kids is?”

Steve just shakes his head.

“They tend to forgive easily, especially those they love. And if there’s one thing everyone knows is that that little girl loves you so much.” You say as you look from him to the door.

He turns his head just in time to watch Charlotte walk in. She wore her princess pajamas and was holding on to her pink teddy bear. Still sleepy and hair a mess she slowly got closer to the pair of you until she stood in front of you with a silent demand to be picked up. You turned her to face Steve. He was even more of a mess now that he could see the bruises and the few cuts that were still in place.

“What are you doing up and wandering around by yourself?”

“Wanted mama.”

You hum as you play with Lottie’s hair. Her focus though was on Steve, she looked almost sad as she stared at him.

“Are you ok sweetheart?” He asked after a moment. Lottie sighed at the question.

“Am steebie’s best girl?”

The question was asked shyly and with much more apprehension than a four year old should possess. The same question was enough to bring a super soldier that has seen enough war to last various lifetimes to his knees.

“Of course you’re my best girl. You always will be. No matter what anyone else says.” Steve takes Charlotte from you and brings her into a gentle hug. When he pulls back, Steve looks down at her. “I’m so sorry Charlotte.”

“Steebie is good. Lobe Steebie. No wike…”

“Don’t like what, sweet Angel?”

Charlotte looks at Steve and back at you and sighs before she whispers. “Bitch.”

Steve’s eyes go wide and you cover your mouth to hide the smile.

“Charlotte, your father said not to say that word.”

She looked around the empty gym and back at you before she shrugged. “Dada seeping.”

Steve laughs for the first time since he showed up for the party.

“Don’t laugh, she’ll think it’s ok to say it.”

“I’m sorry.” Steve shook his head before placing a kiss on Lottie’s forehead. “I love you too, sweetheart.”

Lottie yawns and blinks slowly up at Steve with a sleepy and sweet smile.

“I think we should get to bed.”

“Yeah.”

“Steve

“Yeah?” He says as he gives Charlotte back to you.

You deserve all of the happiness in the world. You’ll find your person when the time is right and then you’ll have everything you ever wanted.”

“If I could get just a fraction of what you and Bucky have, I’d be happy.”

“You’ll have a love that rivals ours.” You smile at him. “Now come on, you need your rest too. By the way, did you know Tony was throwing a birthday bash on Saturday for Lottie?”

He gives you a sheepish smile as you get into the elevator. You just shake your head.

“You should be happy that you’re my best friend.”

“Trust me I am. I never want to be on the other side of your protective mama bear side.”

“Good. Now I’m gonna get her to bed. Goodnight Steve and do me a favor.”

“Anything.”

“Don’t blame yourself for any of this, I know she doesn’t.”

“I’ll try. Goodnight.”

****

You walk back into the bedroom to find Henry and Bucky just as you left them, or so you thought. The moment you lay down with Charlotte tucked into your side Bucky turns his head toward you.

“How is he?”

“Better now, I hope. You know how he is. He blamed himself for what happened.” You whispered.

“I’m guessing seeing Lottie also helped him.”

“Yup, I’m surprised you didn’t freak out when she wasn’t in bed.”

“I asked Friday, she told me Lottie was heading your way. Was she ok seeing Steve?”

“Yeah, you know she’d kick us to the curve if it meant spending time with him.”

He chuckles at that before finding your hand and intertwining his fingers with yours.

“You were amazing today. With everything, not just the incident. I love you.”

“I love you more.”

Saturday rolled around faster than you would have liked. But the day was bright and hot, perfect for a pool party. Or in this case a water park because you should have known better than to assume a pool party for Tony was just using the pool. He had rented out as many inflatable water slides, bounce houses, ball pits, smaller pools and anything else water related he could. Game booths were set up to one side, a DJ was already playing songs. There were water guns and water balloon stations everywhere as well as towels for everyone. Tony had even gone as far as having extra swimsuits available for those who needed them. There were all kinds of food trucks and to top it all off a smaller version of the petting zoo he’d brought last time. The most important part of it though was the goat pen. All of the goats had on a version of the team's suits. It was ridiculous but you knew Lottie would love it.

The team stood to the side watching the birthday bash come to life as the guest walked from the parking lot to the entrance of the party.

You redid Henry’s messy little man bun to make sure he didn’t have to worry about getting his long hair in his face. Bucky was holding onto Charlotte who wore the bathing suit Tony got for her. A one piece bathing suit that looked like Belle’s yellow dress. Her hair was up in pigtails and she wore a sash that said birthday girl on it. She even had yellow water shoes to complete the look.

“Are you ready to have fun at your birthday party?” Tony asked Lottie.

“Is mine?” Lottie asked, wonderstruck at everything that was laid out before her.

“Of course it’s for you.”

“So nice. Tank you Tony.” She reached out for him to take her and her arms wrapped around his neck. “Lobe Tony.”

“Well I love you right back kiddo. Now how about we go have fun.”

“Habe fun.” Lottie claps in excitement and she’s whisked away by Tony, the rest of the team following close behind. Even Henry left you and Bucky behind as he ran alongside Steve.

Bucky takes your hand and you both take your time walking towards the festivities. As soon as you do though a water balloon hits Bucky straight in the chest followed by Henry’s giggles.

“Go get ‘em babe.” You say and let go of his hand. Bucky walks away slowly, it should be more intimidating but Henry just laughs before disappearing.

“Oh it’s so on.”

You look around to find Tony still had Lottie with him so you turn and find Wanda and Nat sitting back and tanning. They waved you over so you take the seat beside Wanda and the three of you just start catching up on everything you’ve missed the last three weeks.

****

You’re currently finishing up some ice cream with Bucky and the kids, sitting at one of the picnic tables in the shade when a security guard finds you. He’s polite and apologetic when he stops by the table.

“Ma’am I’m sorry to bother you but you’re needed at the entrance.” He smiles at you.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, your father is here and he asked if you could meet him there first.”

“Oh, thank you. Make sure you get some ice cream before you head back, it’s hot out.”

“I’m on duty ma’am but thank you.”

“If someone says something you send them my way.” You smile at him before turning to Bucky. “I’ll be right back.”

You head out towards the makeshift parking lot excited to see your dad after almost two months. This was all that was missing for the day to be perfect and you knew Lottie would be excited to see her grandpa. The smile you had on your face vanishes as you lay your eyes on your father. Standing beside him is your mother and your three siblings. You notice by his body language alone that your dad is pissed as he argues with you mother.

“Dad, is everything ok?” You ask once you stop in front of them. They all turn to face you.

“Hey Kitten.” He walks closer and pulls you into a hug. “I’m so sorry about this. I had no idea they were coming.”

“It’s ok.”

“Y/N, you can’t say hello to the rest of your family.”

“Hello mother. Hello everyone else.”

Beside your mother there was your older brother with his wife and daughter who was just a year older than Charlotte and your younger siblings. They were fraternal twins, one boy and one girl.

“What are you all doing here?”

Your mother scoffs. “You’ve never even invited us to your home and that is how you’re going to greet us?”

“Well no one other than dad has ever cared about me so why should I invite you here?”

“You are so dramatic Y/N. Our lives don’t revolve around you.”

“Loraine, don’t start.” Your father warned.

“Look, it’s my daughter’s birthday and if this is how you’re going to behave then you can leave right now because I won’t let you ruin this for her.”

“We just got the invitation, if you want us to go we will.” Luke, your older brother offered. You looked at him and then at his daughter who seemed excited to be there.

“Gwandpa!”

Lottie’s excited squeal came from the entrance to the festivities. As you turned you saw a yellow dot running full force towards you. Just behind her was Bucky and Henry. Your dad takes one knee and opens his arms to embrace Lottie. He’s almost knocked back with the force she slams into him and she giggles.

“There’s my princess. Happy birthday Charlotte.” Your dad pulled back to take a good look at her. “You’ve grown up so much and look at your hair.” He pulled lightly at one of the pigtails causing Lottie to giggle.

“Am big gwandpa. Am dis many.”

She holds up four little fingers to show him how old she is.

“That is a big girl, do big girls like presents.”

“Lobe pwesents.” She giggles again just as Bucky stopped beside you.

“Help an old man up Buck.”

“Sure thing Ed.” Bucky gives him a hand and pulls him up. Your dad excuses himself quickly to go back to his car.

“This is Bucky my boyfriend, Bucky this is my family. This is my mother Lorraine, my older brother Luke, his wife Molly and their daughter Olivia. And these are the twins Josh and Sofia.” You announce before looking down at the kids. “And these are our kids Henry and Charlotte.”

Your dad gets back just as you’re done with the introductions. There’s a bit of an awkward silence before your mother breaks it.

“They look nothing like you.”

You take a deep breath before answering. “If you plan on doing anything to ruin this party I will personally kick you out and smile while doing it. I don’t even know why you’re here but for the sake of my children I’m not going to cause a scene.”

You feel a little pat on your thigh and you look down at Charlotte.

“Yes sweet Angel?”

“Mama can pay wit new fwiend?” She asks as she points at your niece Olivia.

“You have to ask her parents first.”

Lottie turns around and looks up at your brother.

“Can pay wit new fwiend?”

“What do you say Olivia? Do you want to go play with Charlotte and Henry?” Your brother asks his very shy daughter. She only nods as she looks up at her dad. In turn he looks at you and you smile at him. “Ok you kids can go play.”

Lottie holds out her hand and Olivia takes it. Then she holds out her hand for Henry and they’re off running back to all the fun.

“I'll keep an eye on them.” Molly offers. “It’s good to see you again Y/N.” She says with a smile as she walks past you.

“Good to see you too.”

“I’ll go with her. I know how Lottie can be.” Your dad winks at you.

After they’ve gone you’re left with your mother and siblings. Bucky standing next to you with his hand on the small of your back.

“So, are we going to have any issues?”

“Nope.” The twins say in unison.

“No, I’d like Olivia to get to know her aunt, uncle and cousins.”

You smiled at your brother’s words and his subtle acceptance of Bucky even though your relationship barely existed. Everyone looks at your mother and even though she has sunglasses you know she’s rolling her eyes.

“Fine.”

“Good. Come on, I'll show you guys around.” You said it more to your siblings but your mother trailed behind.

Luke was quick to find Molly and your dad close to where the kids were playing. As soon as you’re in their sights Lottie comes up with Olivia by her side. It seems like they took to each other like ducks to water and you could at least be grateful for that. Olivia looks up at you, she looks very much like your brother when he was younger. She seems hesitant to say something but you crouch down at her level.

“Are you having fun?”

She nods.

“Did you want something? Maybe some juice or ice cream?”

She shakes her head and you smile softly at her. Olivia leans in and you mirror her.

“Do you know black widow?” She whispers with her hands cupping her mouth.

“I do, would you like to meet her?”

Olivia’s eyes go wide before she nods. You turn toward your brother silently asking for permission.

“I’ll go with you.” He says as he gets up from the table.

You look at Bucky who just nods in your direction.

“Come on Lottie, let’s find Nat.”

Lottie takes Olivia’s hand while you walk side by side with your brother. You find Nat not too far from where you were. Some agent was trying to chat her up. She looked bored at most so when she saw you she was quick to end the conversation.

“There you are, I was wondering where you went. And who’s this?” She eyed your brother and then your niece.

“This is my brother Luke and my niece, Olivia, she really wanted to meet you.”

“Hello.” Nat said as she crouched down to be at the girl’s eye level.

“Nat, habe new fwiend. Is olibia.”

“It’s nice to meet you Olivia, my name is Nat. Are you having fun?”

Olivia nods her head as she slightly hides behind Lottie. You shoot Nat a grateful smile as she continues to make conversation with the girls.

“She seems like a great kid.” Luke tells you.

“She is, she’s the extrovert out of the two of them. I think Henry will get there eventually.”

“You seem happy.”

“Extremely happy.”

“I probably don’t have the right to ask or anything but… does he treat you right? I mean I know about his past and I’m not judging him or anything but I just want to know that you’re ok.”

Luke had always tried his best to keep you safe when he could but he was also a child. Eventually he did as he was told, mostly staying away from you. If he didn’t he’d get in trouble too.

“He does, Bucky is a wonderful man and father. He’d do anything for us.”

“That’s good. I’m glad you found someone, you deserve to be happy.”

“Thank you. I’d like to maybe set up a day so the girls can play. Maybe a weekend so that you can stay over or even have the kids do a sleepover.”

“Yeah, we can manage that.”

You smile up at your brother before turning back to the girls and offering to play some games with them.

****

Steve runs up to you with a smile on his face. It was nice to see him back to his old self. His eyes drift from you to Luke.

“Hey magnet,” he gave you a cheeky smile. “Where’d you go?”

“I was meeting my family at the parking lot. Steve this is my older brother Luke, Luke this is Steve.”

“Wow, it is such an honor to meet you.” Your brother sticks his hand out excitedly. But you could see Steve’s expression change slightly.

“I thought I’d never get to meet the rest of Y/N’s family.”

“Steebie look, habe new fwiend.” Lottie comes up to the three of you. “Is olibia.”

“This is my niece.”

“Hello darling, are you having fun?” Steve asks as he crouches down. Lottie immediately getting closer to Steve could wrap his arms around her. She rests her back into his chest. Olivia nods shyly at him before she gives him a smile. “Well that’s good. Lottie, have you seen your brother?”

“Bubba wit gwandpa.” She points towards the picnic tables.

“Eddie’s here?”

“Yup.” You say. “I’ll walk back with you so I can introduce you to everyone else.”

Once you’re at the table again you introduce Steve to the rest of your family, your sister in law and younger siblings gawk at shirtless Steve. Always a gentleman Steve shakes hands but you can see his jaw clench when he reaches your mother. He’d seen you cry enough times over this family to know she was the main cause of it.

“Henry, did you want to do that water balloon fight now? We can sneak up on Sam and Clint.”

“Yeah!” Henry shot up out of his seat.

“I’ll bring him back in a bit.”

“Hey doll, wanna go play with the goats?” Bucky had turned to Lottie.

“Can pay wit olibia an goats?”

Your mother scoffs. “Should you really be allowing Olivia around her for so long? I mean we don’t know the child. She could be a bad influence.”

You could hear the metal plates of Bucky’s arm adjusting as he clenched his fist. Immediately you put your hand on his forearm and squeeze. A silent request to let you handle it.

“They’ve been playing just fine.

“Really mom?”

“Why would you say that?”

Your dad, Luke and Molly speak up. Lottie doesn’t understand what’s going on so she just looks up at your brother with hopeful eyes

“I’ll go with ya Buck.” Your dad offers. “Come on girls, let's go see the goats.” The girls happily start walking away from the table still holding hands.

Bucky silently gets up from the table and walks away stepping in line with your father.

“What is wrong with you?”

“What? I know we’re all thinking about it.” Your mother shrugs her shoulders.

“Ma,” Henry reappeared across from you on the table, startling everyone else. His smile was brilliant and his eyes were bright and you can’t help but smile back at him. “I got uncle Clint in the face with a water balloon, twice.”

“You should see how many more times you can get him before he gets you.”

“Ok.” He says happily before running and then literally disappearing into the crowd.

“He turns invisible?” Josh asks.

“Yup.”

“That’s Awesome.”

“What about his sister?” This time it’s Sofia asked.

“She can see the future.”

“Oh great two more freaks.” Your mother mutters but it was loud enough for you to hear.

It was enough to make your blood boil. To your surprise your siblings and Molly came to the kids' defense. But you stood up and grabbed your mother by her arm and pulled her in the direction of the building. This conversation was a long time coming and you weren’t going to do it in public.

You made it to the closest conference room available, shutting the door behind your mother and your siblings. It took you a moment to compose yourself because of years of mistreatment and full on neglect on your mother’s part.

“Don’t you ever talk about them like that ever again.”

“Why are you always overreacting?”

“I am not overreacting, you are just cruel. You always have been, you’ve always treated me differently than them.” You motioned toward your brothers and sister. “I had no choice but to accept it but I won’t allow you to disrespect my family.”

“Your family?” Your mother scoffs. “One freak raising two more. That man is just playing house with you. Do you think he really wouldn’t be out there looking for someone better? I mean I know he’s a murderer and everything but still, he could do so much better than you.”

“Mom!” Luke yelled. “That’s enough.”

“What Luke? Don’t tell me you aren’t thinking the same thing. He’s playing house with a freak just so that she can raise his two kids. It’s pathetic even for you.”

“That’s enough! I didn’t ask for any of this.

What did I ever do to you?”

“You were born!” She yells. “From the first moment you started showing signs you were weird, absolutely everything revolved around you. It was exhausting. We had to change everything about our lives to accommodate you and somehow you still managed to hurt us.”

“I didn’t ask to be born with my abilities but you chose to treat me the way you did. I’m sick of your attitude and the way you made sure none of my siblings ever wanted to be around me. You treated me like the black sheep of the family for something I had no control over. And on top of that you were always so abusive.”

“Abusive?” Eddie asked behind you. You whipped around to find your dad accompanied by Bucky and Molly. You assumed the latter had gone to find them. “What abuse?”

“It’s nothing dad.”

“Bullshit.” Luke spoke up and the twins nodded in agreement. “If you don’t say anything I will.”

“There is nothing to say, she’s being dramatic like always.”

“She’s not, dad.” Sofia spoke up. “It only happened whenever you were gone.”

“Mom was horrible to Y/N. She would tell us that Y/N was going to kill us because she couldn’t control herself. Mom would keep her locked up in the basement for hours.” Josh looked in your direction. “We’re sorry for everything, we know better now.”

Bucky moved towards you, he pulled you in and wiped away the tears you had started shedding. This was too much, the heartbreak on your father’s face was making the room feel too small.

“Why did no one else say anything? Why didn’t you?” Your father looked from your siblings to you.

“I was a scared kid.”

“Kitten…” you could see the guilt in his eyes before he turned to your mother. “Everyone get out.”

“Dad

“I said out.” His tone is not leaving space to argue.

The moment the door is closed you can hear him yelling at your mother. Bucky pulled you away from the shouting and into his chest. You sobbed into his chest as he comforted you.

“Don’t.” He whispered before you heard your brother behind you.

“She’s my sister.”

“Yeah? Then where were you when she needed you? Once you grew up you were free to make your own choices and you chose to keep quiet. You left her alone and made her think she wasn’t loved.”

“I’m gonna go find the kids.” You pulled away from Bucky and gave him a sad smile.

“Y/N, can we talk, please?”

“I don’t really want to talk right now.” You say over your shoulder.

Before you take a step the door to the conference room opens and your mother looks furious. It was the same look that she would use to terrorize you. It was full of anger, disgust and hate, but those were her true feelings towards you. She walked toward you with purpose. You froze on the spot, breath caught in your lungs as the same fear crept up on you. At that moment you weren’t highly trained in hand to hand combat or an avenger. You hadn’t been through multiple near death experiences. No, in that moment you were a little girl

Bucky was one step ahead and as your mother lifted her hand to slap you, just as she had done some many times before, he stopped her. The look on her face mirrored the horror in yours as she looked at the black and gold pattern of Bucky’s arm.

“Let go of me, you murderer.” She raged.

Bucky turned her so that she would face him and took a step toward her. With every step he took she would move back one until she hit a wall. His left hand rested against the wall near her head, his eyes were dark and face held a murderous expression.

“You don’t get to hurt her anymore.” Bucky said through gritted teeth. Although he was channeling the winter soldier more than anything.

“You touch me, I'll make sure you go to jail.”

“And you think I wouldn’t smile in my mug shot? You leave right now and you never come back. And she isn’t a freak or weird, she’s a great woman,an amazing friend and an incredible mother. You don’t deserve to be breathing the same air as her. Get out.” Bucky said before stepping back. Everyone in the hallway hadn’t dared to move as they watched him.

“Luke, Sofia, Josh let’s go.”

You shut down at that point. It’s what always happens. They did as they were told, they didn’t think about how much it hurt you that they never really stood up for you or protected you. Your mother started walking toward the door confidently thinking your siblings were following her. She turned around and glared at them.

“I said let’s go.”

“No mom.” Sofia shook her head. “We want to stay.”

“Josh. Let’s go.”

Josh shakes his head and steps closer to Sofia.

“Luke?”

“Mom, we're done doing what you tell us.”

“Do you see what you’ve done? You’ve broken this family.” Your mom tells you.

“Lorraine you’ve done enough. Leave.”

“Fine but I don’t want any of you to look for me once you realize the mistake you’ve made by choosing this freak and her so-called family.”

She glared at you one last time and walked out. You can see a security guard just outside escorting away from the building and the party. Once the door closed you felt like you could breathe again. You looked at your siblings and then at your dad who took a step closer to you but you held your hand up.

“I need a minute.” You whispered and then walked away.

****

You gave yourself thirty minutes. Just half an hour to cry before pulling yourself together to celebrate your sweet angel’s birthday the right way. You washed your face and headed outside.

The afternoon went by a whole lot better. The team was aware that something had happened but they didn’t pry and you were thankful for that. Your family tried to talk about it but you shut them down immediately, the day wasn’t about you. You decided to focus on Charlotte and Henry and do anything and everything you could to see those beaming smiles on their faces.

As the sun was setting Tony gathered everyone around the dance floor and brought the team and your family to the front. He presented Lottie with another cake and everyone that was there sang happy birthday. She giggled just like she did the first time.

Once the sun finally set and most of the guests were gone you asked your family to stay. Bucky was kind enough to set them up in the apartment he once occupied. While he did that you made sure the kids showered and then you did as well. Charlotte had asked if she could have a sleepover with Olivia and neither you or your brother could say no.

As you finish tucking the girls in you can hear whispered voices coming from Henry’s room. You get closer to the door to hear Henry and your dad talking.

*****

“So you’re mama’s dad?” Henry asks.

“Yup, and that makes me your grandpa.”

“What do grandpas do?”

“Oh well we can do all sorts of things. We have fun together, give you candy and extra dessert even if your parents say no. Especially if your parents say no. We can go fishing together. As a matter of fact I’m gonna take you and your dad on a fishing trip real soon.” Eddie explains.

“Would you love me? Even if I’m a freak?”

“Why would you think you’re a freak?”

“I heard that lady say it. She told mom she was a freak and that she was raising two more freaks. I know mama was sad about it but she didn’t want to show it. Who was that lady?”

“Did you disappear and follow them in?” Henry nodded and Eddie sighed. He looked at Henry before pulling him out of bed and sitting him in his lap.

“That was your mom’s mom.”

“But she’s so mean. Mama isn’t mean, mama is good. She always takes care of us and gives us hugs and kisses when we’re sad. Why can’t her mama do that?”

“I wish I knew Henry. Your mama is so good and she has so much love to give. I think that’s why she’s such a good mama. And she deserves to have people that love her just as much. But to answer your other question, yes, I do love you and I don’t think you’re a freak. You and your sister are special like your mom and while there will be people that won’t accept you, you’ll always have your family that will love and support you.”

Henry just nods while looking up at his grandfather.

“Now do you want me to read you a book before lights out?”

“Yes please.”

“Alright kiddo get into bed while I get a book.”

****

You turn away just as Bucky walks back into the hallway. He quietly follows you into your bedroom and watches you walk around finishing your nighttime routine. Bucky settles down in bed and the moment you join him he pulls you into his lap. He lets you cry for as long as you want while he holds on tightly.

“I’ve got you, sugar. Just let it out.”

“Today was a lot. I didn’t expect to see them here. I almost ruined everything.”

“Oh baby no you didn’t.” Bucky put a hand under your chin so that he could make you look at him. “You handled that very well, even when she was insulting our kids. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that as a kid.”

“Is it sad that it wasn’t even as bad as what I got?”

“Just a little, but you don’t have to worry about her anymore. You have me and the kids, the team. And your family is here.”

“They stayed.” You whispered.

“They chose you this time. And that should count for something.”

“It does but I don’t know where to go from here.”

“It’s not your job to fix it, it’s theirs. But we’ll figure it out tomorrow.” Bucky moved you two around until you were both lying back all cuddled up.

“Thank you for being there for me today.”

“You don’t have to thank me, protecting you and the kids is my job. I’ll go up against anyone that tries to hurt you. It doesn’t matter if it’s your mom or hydra, I won’t stop until you’re safe.”

You knew he was right. Still you voiced your thanks again. The next day would bring on new emotions and old wounds would be open but hopefully you would be going in the right direction. A chance to finally have a relationship with your own siblings and give the kids more people to love them.

Ch 21

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