#hello person experiencing me how does it feel to experience that

[whump-queen]

thinking about

Whumper slamming whumpee face-first into the floor. Their powerful hands pressing—grinding whumpee’s delicate cheekbone into the ground, twisting their arm behind their back and wrenching it up until whumpee cries out.

The chills when whumpee feels those hands running up their torso, whumper’s low voice in their ear, ordering them to “hold still, cmon now, don’t resist me pretty, or I’ll be forced to do some real damage.”

[micer2012]

a reflection on MatPat's plagiarism

Hello, my name is Della, or micer2012, and 2 years ago Game Theory plagiarized three Tumblr posts of mine, making a video that now holds almost 6 million views.

My posts explaining his plagiarism made their rounds on Reddit, Tumblr and Twitter, but despite the Hermits and Pooka commenting on it (generally in support of me or saying they don’t know enough details about the situation to say either way), MatPat and his team have never owned up to anything, and no mention of my name is present on the video. The one Reddit post they made denying it (which was made before my detailed takedown, which they have never responded to (though the mods on the r/GameTheorists Reddit were kind and made sure it stayed up)) didn’t even mention me by name, just referring to me as “a tumblr user”. (Though one of the screenshotted comments in the body of the post does say my name)

This experience was baffling, but it’s overall had a positive impact on my life. r/Hermitcraft gave me a Golden Apple Award (post of the year, 2021). My inbox was filled with excited fans, wanting to ask me questions or pose their own theories, far more than the hate I got. (Though the hate I got from Game Theory fans was VERY funny. I wondered why none of them gave me shit about saying “MatPat misgendered Evil Xisuma” before realizing none of them read that far into the post.)

And getting on a more personal, and much more important note, I met most of my current online friends through this, including my partner. It helped me grow closer with my irl friends as well and gave me an entertaining story that I tell whenever I have the chance. It was one of the first things in my life that really made me feel like my talents, my autistic hyperfocusing and analyzing of things I love, could be valuable. Useful. Exploitable. It blew my mind that MatPat thought an autistic kid’s ramblings about a Minecraft Youtube joke character were good enough to steal. To put an audible sponsorship on. To get 6 million views off of.

And that’s why I’m writing this post, this update years later. As you might’ve been able to guess, Hbomberguy’s Youtube video on plagiarism reopened this wound. It was really hard for me to sit through, it took days of pausing and taking breaks, because I had experienced everything he was talking about firsthand. 

In my 10 page long takedown post, I wrote about how his rewording of my sentences made him say things that were incorrect, just like Filip did. The content farm production style that made big companies like Cinemassacre take one creator (AVGN/MatPat) and turn him and his content into a brand, a voice that reads out scripts by other people with other opinions/theories, is a history shared with Game Theory. What really hit me was Harris talking about how big creators only do this to people they think they can get away with doing it to. How they view their victims as lesser, as not deserving of their words, repackaging them as their own to give to an audience that can gain from hearing them, but deserves better than to have to listen to the original victim.

That’s the thing, I 100% think a video version of my theory to expose to a bigger community than “Evil Xisuma Fans on Tumblr” is a great idea!! Near the end of the video Harris talks about how video adaptations of things could be a great market, even an accessibility tool, and I completely feel that about my posts. I wrote them quickly assuming the reader was someone well versed on Evil Xisuma lore, after not even watching most of the CarnEvil series, and the diagrams I made to explain them are even less comprehensible. Harris makes a joke that I completely agree with, 

“I’m sure some of my videos would do very well if someone translated them into English.”

I don’t think I would’ve ever made my posts if I didn’t have autism, and a special fixation on Evil Xisuma and Hermitcraft. I made them because I felt the character was being done an injustice, and because I wanted to share with other superfans this theory that might explain it away. I do think that MatPat plagiarizing me was ableist. I used to wonder a lot if this would’ve happened if my posts were articulated better, if they had been peer reviewed, if the posts themselves had been spread to a wider audience before MatPat made his video. At one point when the discourse was fresh (before I had the time to write out my 10 page rebuttal), a bigger YouTuber (100k subs at the time) messaged me and started talking on Discord, interested in possibly making a video on the discourse, but I think my style of typing and general enthusiasm drove him away. You can tell by a single look at my blog (or my original 3 posts!) that I don’t usually type like this. This post you’re reading now has been peer reviewed and edited, and took me hours to format correctly. That video could’ve been huge, the entire outcome of this MatPat situation would probably be much different.

I also used to stress a lot about “being the one who ruined Evil Xisuma’s story”. If you didn’t know, to me S8 Evil Xisuma’s story got wrapped up pretty quickly and unsatisfying (in my personal autistic opinion). (though this might’ve been due to s8 being experimental and ending early with moon big) There was no real culmination of the plot points and arcs going on, and I don’t want to blame myself, but when Xisuma said on stream (when the MatPat thing was first going on) that he didn’t want to focus on the discourse or draw more attention to it, it makes a lot of sense to me that he just wanted to wrap it all up as quickly as possible. For a while I beat myself up about it, of ruining the story of this character I love, but it’s not my fault. If anyone’s, it’s MatPats, but I don’t think it’s useful to just blame someone else. That’s how the story ended up going, and that’s fine. This is Evil Xisuma we’re talking about, their inconsistent lore is what made them such an interesting character. And notably, Pooka made an animation with an awesome culmination of Jeff, the Dreamer, Evil Xisuma, and his own sona’s story, and it makes me so happy to watch. Whatever Pooka does is of course his own choice, but I’m glad he got to give this personal story his own ending (if it is an ending, and not just the start of a new chapter!). 

Typing this all out and getting it off my chest has made me feel a lot better. For a while I wanted to make my OWN video essay about Evil Xisuma’s lore and CarnEvil’s lore, actually going episode by episode to explain it instead of just assuming you knew as much about Evil Xisuma as I did. That idea is still not off the table, but MCYT isn’t something I’m that into right now. Maybe if something else comes out about Evil Xisuma I’ll get back on it, but for now I’m fine with letting that go. But I want to make other videos, share other theories and analysis… if I have the freetime I’d love to make YouTube videos, and if I don’t have the time I’ll continue posting to my tumblr and infodumping to my friends. Apparently my infodumping is valuable enough “content” to steal! Writing this out has made me feel a lot better though, I’m really glad I got it out.

If anyone ever wants to talk to me about the things I’m obsessed with, or reach out to me as a source in a bigger discussion about Game Theory or other channels, my inbox is more than welcome :] Thank you for reading! 

Sincerely, a tumblr user.

[simplyreveries]

Hello! I would like to make a request for Riddle, Kalim, Ortho, and Malleus (gn reader, platonic or romantic. except for Ortho, platonic for him)

How would they react to finding out that the reader wasn't allowed to celebrate their birthday back home and has never had a birthday party?

riddle rosehearts

I have a feeling riddle never really had experienced a birthday party himself, unless it was someone like trey or che'nya doing some little kid attempt at giving him one during their childhood and that is until he came to nrc and got to feel that more. Yes, riddle is saddened when he hears that you've never gotten to have one yourself more so greatly upset. you’re the last person he would ever think deserves to have that happen to, he will make sure to go completely out of his way with the help of trey and other dormmates he made help to ensure that your first birthday would be positively perfect..! riddle really wouldn't accept anything less than best for you.

because of his own experiences with… unpleasant birthdays he knows what a dreadful feeling it can be so it only amps up his own feelings into making it good for you. The roses will be painted your favorite colors, he’ll make sure trey makes you the tastiest cake/pastries of your liking, decorations are of your taste he is going above and beyond here. ace and deuce even make sure to tread more lightly around him as he's invested in this… they cannot cause any trouble on your special day hjsdjklsdg

all he can think about is the smile that will be on your face once you've seen what he has done, at least he can hope so. he frets about choosing a gift for you, but he’d settle for something small but sentimental like a necklace. his tension and initial worry do seem to evaporate when he sees you having a good time, he feels a sense of relief and simply cannot keep his eyes off of you.

kalim al asim

kalim literally cannot fathom this... he is immediately planning and preparing your birthday as soon as he hears about it and yes, it's going to be his best one yet (”kalim my birthday is in two months-”) he talks to jamil all the time about his plans and how it's going to be absolutely perfect for someone as perfect as you. kalim really is observant, especially towards you— he knows what you like and will implement any of that into this celebration of yours.

I don't just mean a big loud party with a bunch of people— kalim already knows if that really isn't your thing but trust me, he will still go above and beyond even if it's just some sleepover with him and some friends of yours. we haven't even discussed the amounts of gifts you’ll be receiving. I 100% believe he’d be like giving you some gift every day in your birth month, he’ll claim they're all to make up for the birthday gifts you didn't receive growing up.

on the day of your birthday, you could look at what he’s done and be like “isn't this a bit-” “too little??” hahaha. he is so full of energy that day; he tries to get you to dance with him even if it's just him making some fool of himself to get you to laugh. because, despite all the things he does and gets you objectively kalim’s priority is to see you happy and laughing throughout the day. that will be his biggest reward.

ortho shroud

ortho knows you pretty well, he does analyze people incredibly. so, he can easily understand what exactly it'd bd you’d want for a birthday… the issue may be is how do you get a bunch of people to celebrate something in ignihyde?? he’d settle to making some surprise party for you at ramshackle and drag idia to help him out. Along with the other first years.

he would make sure to let others like grim, ace, deuce, and the ghosts that live in ramshackle know what he’s doing as he still asks for some advice from them quite often. it's cute to see how serious he takes it; he gets all stern with people like ace or grim to make absolutely sure they don't spill and reveal the little celebration they're setting up for you, it's almost a little intimidating until he switches a 180 to a cheerful and excited demeanor when the plans seem to be going his way.

the party would end up becoming some sleepover with him and the first years, a little chaotic, but really fun. on top of that, ortho is getting his own experiences with things like this with friends for the first time too and he loves it.

malleus draconia

he has had spent most of his birthdays, rather lonely. i mean, he literally doesn't like cakes for the fact that they once gave made him sick because he didn't have really anyone to split it with. not to mention, his birthdays may become quite repetitive and boring with his years of age. however, he almost seems confused when you mention that you’ve never really have had one before. malleus believed that it was normal for humans to always have one, it's what he's been the most exposed to.

malleus could not stop getting that fact of you out of his mind, he seemed to be troubled and lost in thought on how to make you feel better about it. most likely, coming to lilia for help since he’s usually the one to do birthdays, obviously. of course, malleus would be quite happy and excited even to have one celebrated for you at diasomina— silver is quick to suggest he handle cake after past experiences with lilias cooking and baking skills.

he tries to actually keep to a surprise but he’s so obvious about it as he can't help but feel excited as he awaits your reaction to it all. you could ask him one night outside of ramshackle if he's planning a party for you and he’d chuckle and be like “am i?” (disappears??). he doesn't seem to leave your side once the day comes, content and pleased with how happy you seem. you’ll catch him staring at you the whole time as you go about your day, blow out candles for the first time, open gifts (which are obviously some rare, expensive accessory from him) and experience what it’s like for the very first time.

[thecherrytarot]

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐚 𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐨�� 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮?

pile 1 → pile 2 → pile 3

Pick the photo that you feel the most drawn to. As always, this is a general reading so take what resonates. This is a reading is between the tarot reader and your person so the 'they' here is you!

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏:

The reader would tell your person, "They are someone who is ruled by the planet pluto or have a lot of Scorpio in their chart. They have gone through a lot of transformations to be who they are today and they are very wise because of this. They are very mysterious, intelligent and highly calculated. Oh, you thought you had the upper hand ?! honey they gave you that hand, don't be a fool they are always one step ahead of you but not in a cunning way, it's just the way they are. They are like the flame of a burning candle, constantly changing and never remaining the same. Now I know this PG-friendly reading but your person is very sensual in nature and is not afraid to show the love they have for you even in public. Your physical union iykwim will be very healing for not only you but them as well, don't worry they will take care of all your needs and wants. Be careful with how you approach them and remember 'if you can't stand the heat then get out of the kitchen'. Cause being with them is not a nice walk in the park, they have problems that they know how to take care of all by themselves, are you ready to prove that you are dependable? They have experienced their share of loss and endings and now they know exactly what they want and let me tell you, they won't settle down for someone who doesn't fit their standards. They care a lot about others, it is almost as if it is their second nature. They will go out of their way to help someone but not because they are a people pleaser, they do it just because they can help. They do not expect anything in return. Why does that shock you? There are people like this world and you will be lucky enough to meet them."

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐:

the reader would tell your person, "oh my your person is already manifesting you, how sweet! They have been through so much and for some reason, they have very little support from their family and/or community, maybe they are the same gender as you?! whatever the reason they have had very little experience with real and pure love. They feel alone and may naively even go look for love in all the wrong places. Your person might even feel left out and behind by their friends, how dare they !!!! Poor soul though. I just imagined them and they are on their bed, crying to some higher being to send them someone who will love them the way deserve to be loved. Well here you are, their soulmate or should I say destiny. Oh, how silly of you both to underestimate the blessings of the universe. I won't talk much now and the universe let you meet by chance and mend the bond"

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑:

the reader would tell your person, "quite a character not gonna lie. at first, they will appear as this shy, mysterious and typical 'i don't speak unless spoken to' kinda person but oh boy, the minute you speak it is so adorable how they continue to ramble and then zone out mid-sentence. I just imagined how they will have their resting face on but the minute you go up to them and say a 'hello! what is your name?' you can see how the gears inside their head are turning. very introverted and they love reading books and no they are not your typical nerd the books they usually read are found in the adult section and yes they will ask you to recreate the 'lean on the door' pose. They enjoy their alone because they need to be alone with their thoughts, they won't mind if you are there but please do not make noise, they will kick you out <3 You love teasing them, don't you? love to see them react like that to your advances, don't worry they enjoy it a lot more than you do and miss it when away from you but they will never tell you that. They are your soulmate and a very wise one in fact, they know how life works when to be patient, and when to sacrifice for the greater good. They will help you look at life from a completely different point of view which help you a lot in life and the best part about this they will drop this life-changing advice in the middle of their rambling session. Cherish them they won't show it but they have been through a lot too."

[mustardyellowsunshine]

In today's episode of Shut Up Robin, Nobody Cares:

InuKag bickering is so good because it's deeply telling of how comfortable InuYasha and Kagome are with each other at almost every stage of their relationship.

For starters, contrary to seemingly popular belief, arguing does not inherently signal dysfunction. It can sometimes signal the opposite: it demonstrates a level of intimacy and trust in your relationship that you are able to openly disagree with your loved one. You are not afraid of conflict because you know it won't break the relationship. In my experience, at least, it's shaky relationships that avoid conflict at all costs. When there's not enough emotional security with each other to openly disagree without fear/anxiety, open conflict never happens. That's why "arguing like an old married couple" is a cliché: it's the people who've built trust and security who will bicker like that.

I mean, don't get me wrong, it doesn't feel great to be in conflict with a loved one, even in a secure relationship. But being able to navigate conflict together in a way that eventually leads toward understanding and compromise is the sign of a strong relationship. Arguing is often a step in that process.

Which is why I find InuKag arguments absolutely, lip-smackingly delicious.

When they first meet, their arguments have the distinct flavor of, "I don't like you and I don't care what you think about me." Which is an excellent vintage tbh, full-bodied flavor with refreshing tartness. 👌👌 There's something so intrinsically entertaining about watching early-series InuKag butt heads, all the while knowing they eventually get married. And because early-series InuKag doesn't especially care about the other person's opinion of them, they don't hold back: there's no politeness barrier between them, there's no equivocating or filtering. They just have at it. They're not afraid to be themselves around each other, even when they dislike each other.

Then when their friendship begins to form—stage two InuKag 😁—their bond is forged from the two-pronged fire of 1) having each other's backs in life-or-death situations, and 2) experiencing the humdrum quotidian moments that come with traveling together all day, every day for long stretches of time. I've talked about this before, but I love how they know all the dumb little things about each other that you only learn from prolonged proximity: they know the timbre of each other's snores at night; they know how long the other can go without food before hangry-ness rears its head; they know which posture signals irritation or exhaustion, which facial expression signals daydreaming contemplation or a playful mood; they know which jokes will get a laugh and which insults will get the sharpest glances; the little intimacies abound!

By the friendship stage, InuKag bickering takes on a slightly different flavor. There's still that unfiltered, no-holds-barred vibe about them (because they're so used to being blunt with each other), but it also has the tenor of easy familiarity. Friends falling into the same low stakes argument they've had a hundred times already. There's not often any real heat or tension to the bickering, it's more like rote muscle memory. And when they do have real arguments, with real tension and emotional stakes?? It's delicious precisely because there are emotional stakes now! Goodbye, "I don't care what you think about me," hello, "I care so much what you think and I hate it and you're going to hear about it." It's still arguing InuKag, but with different emotional fuel sparking the arguments. Now there's affection and trust underpinning their unfiltered way with each other. It's mmm mmm good! I can eat it up all day.

And as the series progresses, and InuKag begin to develop obvious romantic interest in each other—stage three InuKag, yes it's terminal—the flavor of the arguments gets deeper because now those emotional stakes? They're even higher. And yet despite the higher stakes and the messy complications, they're still not afraid to butt heads. They're not afraid to be blunt and hash things out. I love this example of InuYasha's hack-and-slash style of conflict resolution. If there's a wall between him and resolving the tension, he'll just punch his way through it. 😂 Another favorite of mine is this banger scene where Kagome bluntly calls InuYasha out on his jealousy.

But probably my favorite stage three InuKag fight scene is this one, from chapter 310:

(Full scene here.)

Man, it's so good! Kagome—after taking pains to save Kikyo, who then essentially taunts her for it—starts to feel angry and resentful and then wallops InuYasha with those feelings. (Before any haters pipe in: characters need to make mistakes sometimes. This is one such occasion. Let the 15-year-old girl character make a mistake ffs.) And what does InuYasha do? He sticks around so they can hash it out. The best panels in this chapter are Kagome thinking, "He probably hates me now," only for her to look up and see him right beside her. He can handle her mistakes and flaws, because he knows Kagome. They've spent 300 chapters building trust in each other, and we see the fruit of that here. InuYasha knows very well that Kagome cares for him—cares so much that she's risked her life for him many times over by now, and cares so much that she just saved her own romantic rival partly for InuYasha's sake (but largely because she's just a good person). I think that's why he handles this moment with pretty good composure. He knows Kagome doesn't actually hate him, briefly hurtful as that comment surely was. So he waits until she's processed her feelings a bit more, and they talk it out. (While we're here: I really like that he's sitting close to her but is facing away from her, like he's trying to give her the space/privacy she needs to process her feelings without actually leaving her alone... ugh I love it.)

Notice how, even in the midst of this fight, they start checking in with each other, putting the other person's interest before their own. Kagome sincerely urges InuYasha not to "hold back," the subtext of which reads to me: "Don't let my outburst tie you down, please do what you need to do." InuYasha responds in kind (his subtext reads to me: "Be honest, don't just put on a brave face for me") and also reassures Kagome's underlying anxiety. When he says, "You saved Kikyo, right? Then she'll be fine, I'm not going after her," he's speaking directly to the source of Kagome's insecurity—he's telling her in no uncertain terms that concern for Kikyo's safety was his only motive for seeking her out. Now that he knows Kikyo has been healed and isn't in imminent danger, he's not going after her. Again, he is intentionally addressing what he knows to be the source of Kagome's outburst when he says, "You healed Kikyo? Then I don't need to see her." To me, his message is pretty clear: "I wasn't looking for Kikyo for the reasons you think."

Like! Look at them! Openly and honestly communicating! Messily sharing their feelings! Resolving conflict and talking shit out! They've come so far. 🥹

These stage three InuKag fights feel different than their early-series fights, and they should! InuKag have built trust and love, but with that love comes vulnerability. It's the people we love who have the power to hurt us most. So even while InuKag have fundamental trust in each other, they're both aware that their feelings come with greater potential to hurt each other. And watching them navigate that tension and that duality together? MMM MMM GOOD.

Like truly, InuKag fights at every stage of their relationship are my favorite thing, it's all such good food.

[charmedreincarnation]

Hello! How are you? I am very good for now. because after trying for over a year I switched to void state last night very easily! it was an incredibly amazing experience for me. I stumbled upon your account on tumblr a few days ago, I saw a lot of people have succeeded with the method you suggested! I felt so happy for them!

Now I will tell my own success story.

I used to be so obsessed with it that I was just procrastinating and "trying" to get into the void when I had so much work to do whenever I had free time.

Throughout this process, I always thought that I would not succeed and always went back to the beginning. I was very bad with everyone around me, I was constantly fighting and exposed to violence. In short, I was experiencing hell on this earth.

Months passed and I decided to focus on my life a little bit. I tried to think positively and convince myself how easy it was for me to manifest. But there was one very important thing that I forgot, all the evil forces in this hell were coming only on me, only me.

I spent the whole of last year and the first months of this year like a living dead...

But in these last few days, I have made a decision that will radically change my life. Before, I tried every method to enter void constantly, but something was not going well every time. So I decided that it would be easier and more useful to just assume that I woke up there, rather than making dozens of efforts to enter void 2 days ago.

THE DAY I FINALLY ENTERED THE VOID CONSCIOUSLY!

I didn't listen to the subliminal, I just did a 20-minute meditation, my wish to revisit life in more detail. At the end of the meditation, I said only one affirmation: I will wake up in void tonight.

I wasn't tired and very sleepy that night (these are usually what people think is necessary for a void).I just lay on my bed in my usual position and affirmed that I would wake up in void at night. After that I already went straight to sleep.

I woke up in the middle of the night, I didn't move. The sounds were so muffled, it's like you're listening to a song through a broken earpiece, that's how I heard it. I stayed like that for a few minutes, then the sounds suddenly stopped and I felt myself being pulled into the darkness. My heart was beating so fast, so I focused on calming myself. I couldn't feel my body anymore, as if someone was separating my soul from my body and floating it in a vacuum of space. That's when I realized that I really succeeded! And I calmed down for a while and then said my affirmations. I didn't make a special list, so I said it all one by one.

My manifests:

The face and body I dreamed of down to the smallest detail

My desired name, surname(i have two names in different languages)

My dream room and house with all the items on my Pinterest board(There were almost 50K pins on the board I mentioned...)

I overhauled my father as someone else entirely. With his nationality, zodiac sign, appearance, name.(I also added that he is a person who gets along perfectly with his 4 children and his wife!)

I made my mother younger in appearance, not in age, I also wished her a happy and peaceful life in every way.

As for our financial situation, my father is an extraordinarily wealthy businessman, we own the largest house and the most luxurious car in my city. We also have 4 modern apartments and 1 huge villa in another city! It does not end with these, we also have houses in America, France, England!

I also manifested new phone and other electronic gadgets.

We are 4 siblings in the family and we all get along very well, no hurtful words and no violence!

I have a private room for my unfinished clothes in my room and a very nice bathroom adjacent to my room!

I also manifested success in the lessons: no matter how long the paragraph is, it stays in my mind only once I read it and I never forget it! I do not have a single error in all the tests I have solved.

We have a total of 4 pets including 2 cats and a puppy and a husky dog. Our garden is huge, with a big swing, a covered area to sit in in the winter, and lots of lavender flowers, white roses!

By the way, I manifested that I have lived this life from the beginning, so our house is full of memories we have accumulated with my siblings and parents since childhood, our childhood photos everywhere, emotional diaries my mother wrote when she was pregnant.

I also manifested new friends to myself: one of them is famous (keep this part private lol), I wished to meet him since childhood. Apart from her, I also have a male friend who is our family friend and my best friend who lives with us.

That's all I wanted, I left everything else to my subconscious and my last sentence before leaving the void was "I will open my eyes to the life I dreamed of".

Finally, when I came out of the void, I heard my brother's voice, scolding me for turning off the air conditioner in my room and leaving it on until morning, and saying that he would be very upset if I got sick. (it did indeed come true more perfectly than I had imagined! )

The reason why I wrote my success story and the life I manifested at length is this: most people limit their desires and try to make do with less. Believe me, I was thinking the same way a month ago, thinking that living the life I wanted was unfair to the people in my life. But lately, thanks to what those people did to me, I realized that all this time I had been unfair to myself, not to them. After realizing this, I reminded myself that I only deserved the life of my dreams.

And now that I'm who I should be, I'm pretty happy with it. I can't thank you enough  my dear. The success stories you shared motivated me a lot and helped me take action.

I am so proud of you my love. I absolutely adore revision stories as well as the usage of intention which is my personal favorite method. No method is stronger than your will to have your desires. Thank you so much for sharing your story and I hope you continue to always live your best life <3

[im-not-samantha-im-samanta]

Hello again, nonny!

Oh god, I'm so sorry how long this request took me to make.

I really wanted to make your request since you seem really sweet, but I struggled so much! I changed formats and ideas for your request at least 20 times and I'm so burnt out both creatively and in my personal life.

I'm not fully satisfied with my work, I feel like this piece could've been a bit better. But anyways I really hope you'll find the final results acceptable, and I'm again sorry for the way too long wait.

_

🍎🎶//Not such an awful colour after all...//🎶🍎

(Lilith and Lucifer x gender-neutral!imp!reader)

___________________________________________

Type: Fanfic

Settings: Romantic

Genre: Fluff, though a bit of hurt/comfort feel,

!TRIGGER WARNING!: Reader is hinted to be lonely and maybe a little depressed, hints of Reader having been mistreated in the past, occasional swear words used, idk if it's a trigger but Lucifer is a little awkward at interacting with gender-neutral reader at first (but he's supportive!), mentions of typical Hazbin Hotel stuff like hell, violence, etc., I believe the interaction between Lucifer and Lilith will give you second-hand embarrassment (but I imagine them being this lovey-dovey with each other, sorry), reader is also quite awkward and you'll probably also have second-hand embarrassment from this, and maybe a bit of not-sexual predator/prey feel in some parts is you squint (really not intended in a sexual way), and that should be all!

Sidenote: Reader is written as gender-neutral as per request. But if reader seems to be leaning towards more feminine sense, it's purely unintentional and I apologize!

Sidenote: Lucifer's portrayal is based off what we've seen in the show. As for Lilith, she's written as how the fandom's been portraying her before official release,

Sidenote: It's possible that reader might be a little neurodivergent coded. I just wrote what felt natural to me, and since I'm not a neurotypical, it might've affected Reader's portrayal,

_

That should be all,

Enjoy,

___________________________________________

Ah, those skies of red. Those sweet skies of red, they're all you've ever known.

Just those skies of red. And streets painted in blood, their shade makes you feel at home.

Skies of red, bloodied streets. As well as endless labyrinths bathing in the shade of ruby.

This is what makes up your entire world as a whole.

What makes up every twist, and every corner, even the littlest of crannies.

The colour of red - it seems to be an ever present companion.

A never leaving company, one that cannot be escaped no matter where you go.

Perhaps it is a punishment given to the sinners - to spend eternity in a sea of blood.

And only have a few distant memories of all the colours life holds.

A punishment to daily remind sinners of that one simple truth.

That just like the Pride ring is drained of colours, they themselves are drained of humanity.

At least, that's what's being passed on as the truth...

You yourself are not one of them, you're not a soul lost to sin and temptation.

And yet, you live the same exact way they do - in a single colour world.

Which is the only world you have ever known.

You may be an imp, sure.

You may have the upper hand over sinners, being able to travel outside Pride.

However, hell works just the same way the human world does.

At least in some ways.

Same as with humans, if you in hell don't have the means, the only travelling you can afford is taking out the trash.

And that's all. Nothing more, nothing less.

If we're bring honest here, you actually don't feel like you have the upper hand in this.

Especially considering the fact you're a lowly imp that can barely make a living.

If anything, you would say that sinners are the ones in the lead here.

Because they had experienced something you'd never have - a life outside of hell.

Before getting to hell, all sinners got to experience all the wonders of life.

Especially all those beautiful colours life could hold and come with - something you could only dream of.

You often wonder, though, just how it must feel to have everything you know taken away.

First having everything, and then ending up in a place that lacks most of what used to make up your whole world.

It's a pretty good punishment for sins if you think about it long and hard enough.

But you still don't think it's fair this punishment to see nothing but shades of red involves you too.

You never did anything wrong, and yet you live the same way sinners do.

And that's a fact you've still not accepted, and you probably never will.

The other imps in the Pride ring never seemed to be as bothered by this though.

They never really agreed with your desire of wanting more than just this.

Not even those that were the same as you - without the option to travel or move out of Pride.

Even your own parents always said that you were making this into too much of a big deal.

They didn't understand you, just like none of the other imps around you did.

That fact alone has always made you feel really singled out throughout your whole life.

You felt alone, and like no one really got you or your frustrations regarding living in a single colour world.

You felt like such an oddball - and the other imps didn't really help on that regard.

Most of them would point their fingers at you, and ridicule you.

You experienced that treatment especially when you were younger, still a naive little child.

Because back then you didn't know it was better to keep your mouth shut if your opinions didn't match what the rest thought.

You didn't know any better, but eventually, you've learned to keep such things to yourself.

You had to if you didn't want to continue being lonely and mistreated.

And so, you've pushed your distaste for the colour of red aside, never mentioning it ever again.

Or well, that's how it was until a really unusual and extraordinary day.

On one certain day, a beautiful, vividly turquoise rose was found in Pride.

And it was such an unusual sight that the petite little flower was taken and placed into a museum.

Yet, no one really seemed to care for that small little bloom.

No one really rushed to the museum building to see that little piece of miracle.

No one was excited about it.

No one except you.

It sure felt lonely all over again to be the only one there.

The only one standing in front of the flower secured behind the protective glass.

The only one eagerly wanting to take in every little detail of the flower with true and genuine enthusiasm.

But at the moment you finally got to live your childhood dreams, it didn't really matter.

It was not your loss, it was your gain.

And so, you stood there, gazing fondly at the petite bloom.

And as you did so, you eventually found yourself talking to the flower gently.

"Aren't you just the prettiest little thing all of hell's ever seen?".

You melted over the little miracle as if it could hear.

You spoke to it, letting those turquoise petals know just how much you admired them.

And you could've cared less about whether or not you looked silly.

This was a dream come true - and you've made sure that the little thing knew.

"You have no idea how much I've been wishing for something like you to happen here in hell...".

You found yourself confessing, telling the flower all you've kept inside for years and years.

All of what you've had to push aside and share with no one until this single moment.

And it felt amazing to finally let it all out after suppressing it all for so long.

Even if that small thing probably couldn't even hear or understand any of what you've shared.

Even if all you got in response was just and only deafening silence.

Silence that reminded you that you're the only one around.

The only one to have these certain thoughts regarding your hatred for the colour of red.

And your frustrations about your desires to see more of the colours life can hold.

You really were all alone on this one it seemed...

"Truly a sight to see, am I right?".

A voice broke you out of your thoughts.

And you then found yourself facing a stranger.

An ordinary height man - one with porcelain skin and golden locks for hair.

And two vividly yellow pools for eyes, with their centers of blood red.

Blood red - that one damn, awful shade that you held so much hatred for.

And yet, despite that, you had to admit that the man was quite the looker.

And he definitely knew how to dress - all fancy, and, dare you'd say, flawless.

Well, flawless if you ignored the presence of the colour red in his attire.

But nonetheless, he was truly something you could stare at for hours and not get bored.

And it was quite the surprise that such a man would approach someone like you.

A lowly imp - a creature beneath nearly all of hell kind.

"I wasn't talking about myself, you know?".

The man's voice brought you out of your thoughts for the second time today.

And as his teasing words settled in, you realize that you've been caught staring at him!

A blush immediately covered your face at that realization.

And you profoundly attempted to apologize, stumbling over your words as you did.

The stranger, however, didn't seem all too bothered, nor did he seem disgusted.

If anything, he looked amused, and the warm chuckle he gave reassured you about that assumption.

"Oh, it's nothing to get worked up over,".

The man silenced you gently, waving his hand dismissively.

"I am aware of the effect I have on women, men...".

He went on casually before pausing, and looking you up and down.

"As well as pretty little things such as yourself...".

He grinned at you seductively, but then you could almost see the gears turning in his head.

And as his eyes widened at what seemed to be a realization, his face shifted to a look of panic.

"Sorry- am I allowed to call you a thing? That's not offensive, is it?".

He questioned, making your embarrassment ease up.

He seemed as socially awkward as you at that certain moment.

And you couldn't help but smile as he sputtered some more.

"Fuck- sorry, would it be more acceptable to call you a pretty little person?".

The stranger asked, looking genuinely panicked about the situation.

But before you could reassure him, he went on a tangent.

"Wait- that's probably-".

He sputtered, stumbling over his words without catching a break.

It would be quite a comical sight to see - Him, a gorgeous demon - stressing over possibly having insulted a mere imp.

And to the point of nearly crumbling and begging for forgiveness too.

Truly a scene one doesn't get to see on the daily basis.

You might've even laughed at him if only you didn't feel quite bad for him.

He was obviously a decent person and meant well.

Which was not something you see in hell everyday either.

"Sorry! I've not romanced a gender nonconfirming individual before,".

The man chuckled awkwardly, nervously reaching out with his hand to fix his hat.

But then he almost seemed to choke back on his own chuckle before he, as if in a rush, added:

"-but I'm not actually trying to romance you! I'm just-".

He didn't get to finish his ramblings as you've decided to finally ease his nerves.

"It's all good, no worries,".

You gently cut the stranger off with a friendly chuckle.

And you even offered a soft smile to add to your reassurance.

You genuinely didn't want for this man to stress himself out - he seemed quite sweet.

"You did pretty well for your first time,".

You added in a light-hearted voice, feeling the need to relax the man further.

And to your words, the stranger responded with a surprised blink of his eyes, and his mouth going agape.

But that reaction was short lived as he soon grinned, looking pretty proud of himself.

"I did?".

Was the following verbal answer your reassurance received.

And being the good-natured person you were, you nodded in confirmation.

You didn't get annoyed with him, you actually enjoyed this interaction a lot.

It was like a breath of fresh air to finally talk to someone real.

And someone who was friendly and not a mean-spirited bitch at that!

"Wow, that's... That's a huge relief!".

The stranger chuckled again, but this time it was less awkward, and more warm and relaxed.

"It sure wouldn't do my reputation any good if I were to insult one of my subjects,".

He mused casually while tugging a little at his coat and fixing it to his liking.

"even if by complete accident,".

He added, but then his previous words sunk in, and you had to do a double take.

What did he mean by 'subjects'?

"Um... subjects?".

You voiced your thoughts and confusion, to which the man, still grinning, raised an eyebrow.

"Well, yeah?".

The stranger said with a voice tone that hinted it should be obvious, as if there was no place for confusion.

But you only stared at the man, clearly not getting the memo.

Yet, the man didn't seem offended, he actually seemed more amused than anything.

"Wait, you actually-?".

He broke put into a short, yet hearty laugh as he gripped onto his hat.

He laughed, but he didn't seem to be ridiculing you or have any ill will.

He just seemed to find the whole situation entertaining.

"My- oh, my!".

The stranger's laughter died down, only a few low chuckles leaving him as he uttered those words.

"Now that's something I don't see every day! You don't really do politics, do you?".

He asked you with a playful smirk, his sharp teeth peeking out from under his upper lip.

And you answered with a shake of your head, confirming the man's suspicions.

"Ah, that explains it,".

The stranger mused as he casually leaned onto his cane in the shape of an apple.

"Well, fortunately for you,".

The man began after a short pause, his eyes half-lidded and relaxed.

With a laid-back grin to complete the look.

"I'm not really one of those stuck-up royals who quite literally lose their shit over people not recognizing them,".

He gave a warm chuckle, along with a look of the same warmth as his laugh.

Like sweet honey stirred into a warm cup of tea.

Then, the stranger with the eyes of ruby put his free hand on his hip.

And he casually crossed his legs, all while still leaning against his cane.

He made his pose look so easy, and completely effortless. Like he had no weight the cane needed to support.

It was quite impressive.

And you wondered whether the man really weighed close to nothing.

Or if it was some sleight of hand kinda deal used to gain admiration from others.

Well, whichever case it were, the cane was perfectly still and straight.

As if the handsome demon wasn't even leaning on it.

"Yeah, that's not really my style,".

You heard the male say, drawing your attention back to him instead of the spear-like cane.

And you looked at the male just in time, because you got to see him casually checking his nails at the end of his statement.

Or well, you got to see him looking at where his nails would be as the stranger had black gloves on, giving no access to his nails.

But still, the gesture got the point across.

You understood the action was to deliver his words in a more smug and careless fashion.

Like he saw himself as above the rest of the popular demons.

And maybe as if he looked down on the others.

Not others as in low class.

Others as in the other royals, those who felt insulted if one didn't recognize them.

But that's beside the point.

What mattered more than how he said it, was the context of what he said.

Because the message that sunk in was clear - this man was a high class it seemed.

"Oh... so, you're a royal...?".

You found yourself saying in a way that made it seem like you were asking.

Like you weren't just repeating what was said to you, but like you wanted to hear a confirmation.

But despite that though, the voice tone you spike in wasn't really impressed nor intimidated.

Unlike what would've been expected of you upon such a find.

But your reaction was genuine, contrary to what one might think.

You truly weren't really impressed or intimidated by the revelation - you didn't find any reason to be.

One could call you naive, but you didn't feel the need to cower or be in awe.

Because this handsome demon didn't seem to want that sort of thing.

At least, that's what you assumed based on your interaction so far.

For the demon acted like a normal and ordinary demon, an equal to you even.

And not just that - he's been sweet and considerate the entire time too!

Not to mention you never got just why were royals such a big deal.

So, your disinterest in the man's status was your genuine reaction, it was no act.

"Sure am,"

The stranger nodded in agreement with your words, a low grin decorating his flawless face.

And you couldn't help but feel this laid-back aura coming off him, he seemed like he had little to no care in the world.

And he gazed at you with soft eyes that welcomed you in despite how much you despised their colour.

Oh, and the way he looked at you...

It made you feel like he wasn't bothered by your lack of reaction or lack of appeal for the fact he was a hight class.

It actually felt like he appreciated it. And his next words seemed like a confirmation of that.

"but, you don't have to worry your pretty little head about it,"

He waved his hand dismissively before addressing you with a:

"my dear little any-colour-but-red enthusiast.".

And the way he's addressed you made you pause.

And as your eyes widened, you had to do a double take.

You needed to let the title he's given you fully sink in.

And oh, when it did, your entire being filled shame and embarrassment.

Because if you got it right, then the man's heard your one-sided chat with the flower!

That one embarrassing heart to heart conversation no one was supposed to hear...

"Wait-".

You muttered, feeling your face beginning to heat up.

"you... you heard me...?".

You asked, and you couldn't even say anything more.

You were so embarrassed!

If one could die from shame, you'd be found dead right on your spot at least twice.

And yet, a part of you still hoped the male wouldn't confirm your worries.

A part of you still believed the situation wasn't so bad.

But then all your hopes were shattered.

"Mhm, I sure did,"

The handsome stranger confirmed much to your dismay.

And you were internally screeching.

You were caught sharing your frustrations with a petite bloom.

Talk about awkward.

You were surprised the stranger didn't run from you.

Fuck, this embarrassing moment was gonna stay on your mind til you die.

Even on your death bed this moment would be in your head on repeat.

"Oh my fucking-".

You sputtered and buried your face into your hands.

And you couldn't stop the involuntary, annoyed groan at the situation.

"I... damn... I'm sorry you had to see that...".

You eventually managed to tell the stranger after getting the courage to face him again.

"I would swear to you thar I'm not as odd as I may look right now,"

You went on, despite not knowing why exactly.

You felt the need to explain yourself, make yourself look better.

But you couldn't really.

"but I, unfortunately, do shit like that pretty often,"

Followed your confession.

Being true was the key, right?

Maybe it'd help in your case? You didn't count on

it.

And yet, the friendly demon surprised you.

"That's quite alright,"

You heard him chuckle.

And just like you previously reassured him, now he was to reassure you.

"if anything, I think you're quite endearing.".

He reassured you, voice warm and sweet, just like his eyes and the look he was giving you were.

And you did feel a bit calmer after his words for sure, although you still couldn't get over the fact this man's heard everything.

After all, what you told the flower wasn't something you'd tell just anyone. Let alone to someone you didn't know at all.

But then, the male spoke up again.

"And, between you and me...".

He started, looking into your eyes.

And then, he said those words you've always wanted to hear.

"I agree with you, hell could use more colour.".

There it was. Those words no one's ever told you. Those words you've always craved to hear.

Someone was agreeing with you and sharing your frustrations.

It felt like a dream.

You needed to pinch yourself, just to be sure this was real.

Your ears weren't deceiving you, were they?

"You... you really think so?".

You asked the stranger, your voice low, words cautious.

You didn't want to risk anything.

Your thoughts were racing, you were all tense, and you almost held back your breath as you waited for the man's response.

The male was quiet for a bit, prolonging your nervousness.

But it didn't seem like it was deliberately to make you suffer.

Since his expression softened - his grin was less wide, less smug.

And his eyes held something in them that was hard to read.

It seemed like recognition or compassion...

And maybe if one looked close enough, they would see a hint of sadness and longing.

As if, long time ago, the man's lost something he cherished dearly.

You've never seen anyone look like that.

And maybe this was why you felt the stranger's words were true.

That he was sick of living in a world made of shades of red just like you were.

"Yes, I do,".

He nodded, melancholia taking over the demon's features.

"Losing the opportunity to witness all the colours life can carry is something I mourn over from time to time...".

He confessed to you as he stood straight again, hus stance no longer relaxed, and he gazed longingly at the turquoise rose.

"You know, when I'm in a certain mood...".

He added with a bit lighter tone and a soft smile sent your way.

As if he was trying to make his words seem more light-hearted and not bring the mood down.

His words made a few questions arise in your head.

He confessed to have known a world filled with colours, which would hint at him being a sinner.

But then again, he said he was a royal, so he couldn't be a sinner.

It was confusing, and you had several questions, but you didn't have it in you to ask.

Instead you remained silent, gaze fixating on those turquoise petals.

Yet, you didn't leave the stranger without a reaction.

It may have been daring, maybe even improper, to do this to a royal, but you felt it was the right thing to do.

And so, you gently placed a consoling hand on the man's arm.

And when the male looked at you with a surprised look, you offered a soft smile and eyes full of compassion.

A look to let him know he wasn't alone in this.

And that gesture seemed to mean a lot to the demon as he offered a light smile back, his eyes seeming more lively after your act.

And you two exchanged a gaze of understanding one another, both of you feeling seen.

And then, the two of you gazed back at the turquoise rose, both of you admiring it in silence.

But this time neither of you were alone. This time you both had someone there with you. Someone to share this special moment with.

This was a moment that meant more than any personal possessions - this moment meant everything.

Yet, getting to have everything at one moment doesn't necessarily mean you'll get to keep that everything.

Such moments were a matter of a few minutes, not a lifetime.

And the reminder of this simple truth, came in a form of a voice.

A female voice that awoke a sense of familiarity in you.

Yet, you could not remember where you've heard that voice before.

And and picturing the owner has proven to be even more hard - it was out of the question.

"Ah, there you are!".

A female voice rang through the empty museum halls.

The sound it carried was smooth and feminine, with elegance.

And it evoked a cozy feeling, if that even makes sense.

There was also this slight raspy quality to it, yet the voice was sweet.

Pleasant to the ears.

You and the handsome stranger both turned around.

And the sight you were met with - oh how to even describe it?

You almost found yourself doubting that you were still standing in hell.

Because you could've sworn you were literally seeing an angel.

The woman that approached was like a divine painting.

Her figure was well-endowed, with long and thin legs.

And her face was sharp and flawless, looking as if made up by angels.

As if to add to her beauty - she had blonde long hair.

And that hair draped over her body all the way to the floor.

Like a veil made of gold.

She truly looked like a being straight out of heaven.

And you would dare to say that she rivaled all the depictions of Eve you've heard of.

Though there was one thing ruining the divine image of hers.

And those were her horns.

Wine red, long and curled horns decorating her head.

"Lili!".

The blond male next to you perked up.

He eagerly waved the woman over, a wide smile on his face.

His sharp teeth exposed.

His entire person appeared to have completely livened up.

Contrary to how solemn he was with you just a few moments back.

"My one and only! Where have you been?".

He asked the woman.

Or well, Lili - as he's addressed her.

And he gazed at her with pure adoration, excitement written all over his face.

And the demon stepped forward with a fond look.

"I could've sworn you were by my side the whole time before- poof- and you were gone!".

The handsome demon went on.

His pace of speech was fast and energized.

And he was almost jumbling his words together in the process.

And with his gesticulation coming on strong, the male had a truly disorganized look to him.

He looked as if his thoughts and emotions were all over the place.

As if they were going millions of miles per second.

It was quite a wholesome sight to see.

The previously seemingly well-composed man turning into a little ball of energy?

Just because he laid his eyes on the much taller demoness?

That was a truly cute and wholesome moment, a heartwarming moment even, if you'd dare to say.

"But that's not what happened, Luci."

The demoness responded to the shorter demon.

Or well, Luci, if we're going by how he was addressed.

And the female chuckled warmly.

She didn't seem bothered by the male's antics.

Instead, they seemed to be something she adored and held dear.

And the look in her lilac eyes held nothing but devotion.

Matching the one in the red eyes of 'Luci'.

Then, at her response, the male demon looked confused.

"It's not?".

He questioned, to which 'Lili' shook her head, chuckling again.

And then came the following answer:

"No, not quite. It was actually you who wandered off.".

'Luci' seemed taken aback by the reply,.

And pointing to himself as he questioned further:

"Me?".

'Lili' then nodded softly.

The fond look never leaving her face.

"Are you- are you sure? I don't remember it happening like that...".

The blond male then mused, his brows furrowing.

And gripping his chin in thought, he puckered up his lips.

He seemed genuinely confused about the whole thing.

Which made him look quite silly.

Though you yourself, personally, found the look quite cute.

And 'Lili' probably shared your view on that matter.

Because she chuckled melodiously.

Which was a truly heavenly sound to your ears.

And as she did, she seemed to almost melt over the male.

"And how do you remember it, dear?".

She questioned, and her lilac eyes held a comforting feeling.

Like that one of summer evening.

When it's getting dark and everything is cooling down.

Getting to breathe and rest.

With a campfire nearby, a good chilly drink in hand.

And the sound of crickets in the background.

A warm, yet still cooling feeling.

"Well, first we were holding hands..."

'Luci' began to explain to his female companion.

And as if on cue, his strong gesticulation began anew.

And with that, he followed through with:

"Then we stopped by those Lust jewels - y'know, those Asmodeus used to wear before eventually donating them here,".

Then he paused for a moment.

He seemed to be trying to remember the rest of the details.

"Then, I noticed the signs about the new expositions...".

He added after a moment of silence.

A pause, and then eyes seemed to sparkle.

Almost as if he's made some sort of accomplishment.

He most likely managed to remember more details of what's happened.

At least, that's what you've guessed.

"Oh, yeah!".

The handsome male chirped eagerly.

And he almost jumped on his spot as he went ahead to fill in the rest of what's happened.

At least according to him:

"And then I go: Look, Lili! The sign here says the turquoise rose is on the upper floor! Come!".

He said, imitating, what you assumed, were his previous actions and words.

"And I rushed upstairs while leaving you by the Lust jewels.".

The demon finished casually as he smiled.

He seemed so proud of himself for remembering everything.

But then, his yellow eyes widened, everything apparently sinking in.

"Oohh, yeah... It really was me who wandered off,".

He muttered as an embarrassed and disappointed look took over his features.

"You were right, yeah...".

'Luci' admitted, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly all while 'Lili' had a knowing look.

It was that smug 'I told you so' look, but without the ill-will in it.

Instead the look held a playful feel.

A playful feel like that of a simple lovey-dovey banter.

A lovey-dovey banter with no hard feelings.

"Oh, Lili- my love!".

The handsome male called dramatically.

And he took ahold of the taller demoness' hands, squeezing them.

"I have committed such shameful act! Can you ever forgive me, my queen?".

He asked in such a over exaggerated, over dramatic voice.

And he looked a few seconds away from dropping to his knees.

Possibly to loudly and unnecessarily plead for forgiveness.

But that wasn't all yet, because 'Luci' added to the scene.

'Luci' began planting soft kisses onto the female's hands.

Yeah, that wasn't really a scene you'd care to watch.

Talk about uncomfortable.

You just had to look away from the two.

And not only was the scene unpleasant to witness.

But you also didn't want to be seen as some kind of perverted freak.

Like, being caught watching this sort of scene?

Yeah, that wasn't on your bucket list.

And so, you directed your focus back on the turquoise rose.

You wanted to give the two the privacy they probably should have.

And surprisingly, it wasn't as hard to tune the two out.

If you focused on the little bloom hard enough, that is.

You were only brought back to the conversation when you heard yourself being mentioned.

"And who's your friend, Lulu?".

The blonde female asked as her gaze met yours.

Her lilac eyes flashed red for a moment and the shade made you really uncomfortable.

It made you want to shrink, if not straight up run away.

And it was hard to tell if you felt that way because of how much you hated the colour red.

Or if it was because the woman's gaze was suddenly so strict and intimidating.

She seemed to be sizing you up, analyzing, judging...

But before you could muster up the courage to introduce yourself, 'Luci' did it for you.

Or well, he attempted to do so.

"Oh! That! That's...".

He eagerly attempted to introduce you.

Motioning to you with his hand as he grinned wide.

But when the blond male realized he actually didn't know your name, he let his hand drop back to his side.

And he chuckled awkwardly.

"I actually have no idea!".

He chuckled awkwardly, making you feel somewhat more nervous.

The way 'Lili' studied you left you quite uneasy and all tense, you were a little panicked.

Because suddenly a thought came to your head.

What if the woman could see you as some sort of homewrecker?

As someone trying to get with the male she so obviously dated?

That thought caused a tight feeling in your chest.

You found it hard to breathe.

And 'Luci' wasn't making it much better, despite not having any ill intent.

At least you hope he didn't.

"I guess we just got a little lost in our conversation,".

The male said.

He sounded much more casual with this statement.

And he fixed his hat a little.

"Isn't that right, my any-colour-but-red enthusiast?".

'Luci' addressed you with a grin.

Pulling you into the conversation without giving you any time to prepare.

Yeah, he wasn't making this situation any easier to handle.

And not having expected to be involved in the chat, your mind went all blank.

You had not anticipated that.

You were not prepared for this scenario.

So, the only reaction you could come up with was an awkward smile.

An awkward smile and a quick nod sent towards the tall female.

You really hoped that if 'Lili' was reading between the lines, she'd see it really was just an innocent interaction.

An innocent interaction and nothing more.

"Ah, I see... how sweet".

'Lili' hummed.

Unbothered, unphased - that's how you'd describe her.

She seemed so well-composed and proper in every way.

Even all of her movements were just so elegant and correct.

If that makes sense.

Natural - that's another words you'd use for the female.

All her responses seemed just so natural and right.

Especially compared to you.

Yeah, nothing about her said 'socially awkward', unlike how it was in your case.

And, as if that wasn't enough - she was also truly hard to read.

You couldn't tell what she was thinking, she was unpredictable.

She could be planning on tearing you apart and you'd never be able to tell!

And that made the demoness so much more intimidating to you.

Especially considering you had a feeling that, unlike you, she could read you perfectly.

That, or she could be potentially misreading you - that would definitely make things worse.

"And I take it your little chat must've been quite entertaining if you've managed to hold my dear husband's attention for so long,"

The blonde's lilac gaze bore into yours once again.

Her long eyelashes gave her eyes a thin and sharp look.

They were like two black, massive folded fans.

You couldn't tell if they were natural lashes or false ones.

Anyways, her words were followed by a smirk - one that made you feel unsafe.

Predatory, dangerous - that was the air her smirk carried.

And you felt like you were about to fall prey to the demoness.

Like you were going to meet the same fate a little mouse meets at the claws of a cat.

Even the female's pupils seemed to be cat-like slits, as if to only add to that feeling.

And you were so sure that 'Lili' would've pounced on you.

If only 'Luci' didn't chime in.

"Hey! My attention span isn't so bad!".

The male demon called, hands on his hips as he looked quite offended.

Yet, he smiled playfully afterwards.

So, it was safe to assume that he wasn't truly as insulted as it may have seemed.

And another argument for that claim would be the man's next actions.

For his body took a much more relaxed stance, and he added:

"But yeah, yeah, it was a good chat,".

And he then simply fixed his hat a little as it previously nearly slipped off his head when he so intensely perked up at his wife's little jab at his person.

But shortly just after fixing his hat, the demon perked up again.

Almost sending his hat flying off his head once more.

"because-".

'Luci' jumped up.

He seemed to have recalled the exact context of the chat he had with you a few moments ago.

And suddenly, he no longer looked relaxed or casual.

Instead, in an blink of an eye, his calm demeanor switched up for a much more energetic one.

He acted like a little ball of energy once again.

"you won't believe it, Lili- but this little imp actually shares our passion!".

The blond male said with a wide grin.

And he started gesticulating strongly again.

Almost as if he was practitioning pantomime.

He seemed just so eager to share this with his female companion.

And he spoke so fast and excitedly that he almost struggled to breathe.

But after a long and deep breath, 'Luci' managed to sputter out the rest:

"They also think hell could use more colours! Isn't that- isn't that awesome, Lili??".

And at the mention of your desire to see more colours in hell 'Lili's eyes seemed to spark with interest.

"Oh, you don't say.".

She mused.

Her thin fingers grazed her face for a second, her eyebrows raising up a little.

And her expression softened.

Then, another light smirk appeared on her face.

But imposing isn't a word you'd call that smirk she wore.

This certain smirk was different than the previous ones.

This one seemed much safer, and almost friendly.

And 'Lili' had something more lively about her as she said:

"Well then, it seems we'll get along just perfect,".

And with those words, the blonde demoness took a step towards you.

"May I ask for your name? I'm sure that'd be much preferable than being referred to as any-colour-but-red enthusiast.".

The female told you with a short, yet warm chuckle.

And a hand casually rested on her curvy side.

Most of the intimidating demeanor she previously had seemed gone.

She seemed to have eased up.

Which gave her a more approachable feel.

And thanks to that, you yourself felt much more at ease being in the woman's presence.

So, it wasn't as difficult to muster up the courage to speak as it was before.

"Oh- y-yeah... I'd much rather be called by my name, yeah, that'd be much better, totally,".

You chuckled awkwardly.

And nodding your head with a light smile, you rubbed at the back of your neck.

You were rambling a little too.

You still felt a bit of unease.

But that was to be expected.

Considering you've not had this much of genuine social interaction in years.

But, 'Lili' didn't seem to mind.

She just looked at you with almost a motherly, compassionate look.

And she waited for you to introduce yourself with patience.

"Oh- damn- I'm rambling again, sorry,".

You said nervously after a short pause when you were processing your own actions.

And you almost started rambling anew before you caught yourself going that direction.

And you stopped yourself.

You needed to compose yourself.

You didn't want to drive her away by your social incompetence.

"Ahem, anyways, yeah, my name... I'm (Y/N),".

You finally introduced yourself.

And proud of your accomplishment, your inner self did a little victory dance.

Then, remembering how social interactions work, you added in:

"It's really a pleasure to meet you.".

You nodded with a smile before perking up and quickly saying:

"Ah- erm- both of you,".

And you sent a timid smile towards 'Luci', wanting to acknowledge him as well.

You didn't want for him to feel left out.

Your gesture seemed to be appreciated as the blond male smiled right back.

But instead of 'Luci' speaking up, it was his wife to follow though with the conversation.

"It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance as well.".

'Lili's voice pulled your gaze right back at her figure.

And your full focus was on her once again.

"Truly it is, (Y/N).".

The demoness added in, nodding her head as if to confirm her statement.

After that, another smile formed on her lips, and she had this slightly amused look to her.

"Now, normally I would suppose that there's no introduction needed on our part,".

She mused, a hand resting on her chest while she leaned over a little, towering over you.

Her tall frame casted a bit of a shadow over you, making you feel much smaller than you actually were.

And she got so close that you could smell her expensive perfume.

But that was the least thing you needed to focus on.

You needed to listen to her words - which you forced yourself to do.

"but judging by this entire interaction, I would say you have absolutely no idea who we are,".

You heard 'Lili' say as your focus was back on the context of her words.

And her entire person was once again imposing as she finished her sentence.

She was wearing a light, entertained grin - one that exposed her pearly white fangs.

And despite her grin being quite pronounced, it did not take off her elegance.

If anything, it only made her more heavenly gorgeous.

And showing those pointed teeth some more, she asked:

"Am I correct in that assumption?".

With that question, she raised an eyebrow.

Her expression wasn't confused as one might have assumed, though.

No, the demoness seemed to already know your answer.

And that knowing look she wore only further confirmed that claim.

Perhaps you were right when you assumed 'Lili' could easily read you.

That realization alone made your eyes widen, and you sputtered:

"Oh- y-yeah- that would be right.".

You nodded your head with an awkward smile, feeling both nervous and embarrassed.

And your nervousness was, of course, affecting you, as you rambled a little just like you previously did:

"Yeah, I have no idea who you two are... I don't do politics and famous people... buuuut, you're... probably someone... important...?".

At your guess, both 'Lili' and 'Luci' chuckled, and they exchanged a glance.

"Oh dear, you have no idea,".

The blonde demoness stated as another soft chuckle left her lips.

Then she covered her lips with her fingers for a few seconds, looking amused.

And the way 'Lili' and 'Luci' were gazing at you left you unable to do anything other than smile awkwardly.

Their gazes were hard to describe, but you felt preyed upon.

Just like you previously felt with the women at the start.

Except it felt a bit different in a way you couldn't quite describe.

Not to mention that this time 'Luci' was a part of it.

The male demon's even gotten closer to you just like his wife did a while ago.

"They're precious, aren't they, Lili?".

'Luci' suggested as he stepped forward.

His gaze was focused on you, and he was giving a sharp toothed grin.

A grin that called for you - begged you - to read between the lines.

But that could be just your imp nature speaking, right?

After all, imps were used to being the prey to other demons.

So it made sense for you to be alert around other demon species, right?

Well, even then, the answer 'Lili' gave to 'Luci's question didn't help you feel safer.

"Quite so, Luci,".

'Lili' mused as her gaze trailed over your whole person.

She was looking you up and down with predatory eyes - like a snake looking at a little mouse.

Her gaze was unnerving, and the female didn't seem to bother with doing that action subtly either.

As if she felt no shame in doing so.

Almost as if she wanted for you to be aware of what she was doing.

And as if that wasn't alarming enough, 'Lili's gaze then trailed off towards 'Luci'.

The two looked at each other, exchanging a certain gaze.

You couldn't tell what kind of gaze it was exactly, but it made you feel so much more preyed upon.

It appeared as if the two were wordlessly agreeing on something, plotting even.

And you didn't like that one bit.

But before you could even think to perhaps run off, the couple directed their attention back at you.

"Well, dear (Y/N)... It seems an introduction is in order,".

'Lili' then told you in a smooth voice as she once agai leaned over you in one elegant movement.

Meanwhile 'Luci' stood aside, watching the further interaction with an eager grin.

"Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Lilith,".

The blonde demoness introduced herself, a hand on her chest.

Then, she motioned to the male beside her with her hand.

And the demon in question stepped forward, placing his hand into the female's palm.

"And this is my husband, Lucifer.".

Lilith introduced the male, making you pause.

You needed a moment to do a quick double take on that information.

But before you could even questioned anything, the mentioned male spoke:

"Lucifer Morningstar. It's a pleasure to officially meet you, (Y/N).".

And with those words, the world suddenly seemed to stop and freeze in time.

Your mouth and throat went completely dry, and your pulse seemed to halt.

The room seemed to begin to spin, your body breaking into cold sweat.

And all you could hear was loud and painful ringing in your ears.

This couldn't be real.

"W-wait...".

You attempted to speak, your eyes wide.

You wanted to say something - anything!

But your brain seemed to have crashed and gone blank.

You were unable to formulate a single simple sentence.

You were at loss for words.

And at loss for breath too it seemed.

Your throat was all closed up, and all you could give was a pathetic little gasp for air.

"Oh? Oh? What is it, dear?"

Lucifer looked entertained - and it was the same for Lilith.

The pair watched you do a bit of your mental gymnastics with amused gazes.

Both were grinning.

Seemingly finding some kind of joy in you finally realizing just who you were dealing with.

"Do those names... I don't know... maybe ring a bell?".

Lucifer asked you in a sweet and seemingly well-meaning, yet still condescending voice.

He sounded playful, as if this was just some kind of a game.

But when the demon got no response from you, he grinned wide and turned to his wife:

"Why, Lili, I have a feeling those names do ring a bell to them,".

And Lilith, seemingly equally as amused, nodded along:

"Yes, it certainly seems like it, Lulu,".

You had absolutely no idea as to what to do in this situation.

Your brain was way too overloaded to figure out a possible solution for this.

Thinking was out of the question, so was talking yourself out of this situation.

You were so fucked.

And so, acting on default, you dropped to your knees, hands in a praying position, attempting to ask for forgiveness.

You didn't dare look at the two, your eyes being directed to the ground as your entire body trembled.

And you pitifully tried to verbally ask for forgiveness of the pair too.

But all you could force out were just pathetic little noises and sputters of nonsense.

"Now, that's quite a bit of an extreme reaction, don't you think?".

Lucifer mused all so casually, sounding unbothered by the display.

And Lilith matched the casual, unphased voice tone, saying:

"Come now, get off the floor, dear. The ground is way too dirty for you to be sprawling all over it like that,".

After that, Lucifer chimed in again, following through with:

"Yeah, and you might want to wipe off those tears as well, they're a bit too dramatic,".

Their words and reaction confused you so, and made you pause.

You didn't know what was going on - you've not expected this.

They were supposed to tear you apart, weren't they?

Because you didn't recognize them and talked to them so casually, right?

Well, not even Lucifer's next words made that any clearer.

In fact, you actually ended up feeling even more confused then.

"And I gotta ask: is your memory not working well?".

Lucifer asked, and a hint of disappointment lingered in the air.

You didn't understand his words, or his voice tone.

Both only made more questions arise.

And you cautiously looked up to him,

"wha- what?".

You muttered, voice barely loud enough to be heard.

You felt almost afraid to question what Lucifer's said.

You just can't help yourself but be fearful of the male.

Even if he's been nothing but pleasant to you the whole time.

But, could anyone even really blame you for your unease and fear?

He was the literal Devil, and you've treated him like an equal.

There was no way that Lucifer wasn't insulted or upset over this.

"I mean, I told you I'm not one of those royals who lose it if one doesn't recognize them, no?".

Well, it turned out your assumptions were all wrong.

These words that Lucifer's said have proven you wrong.

He didn't seem upset whatsoever, and his words confirmed that.

Sure, he sounded just a little disappointed with you in a way.

But he was not upset, which definitely was a relief.

However, you still had yet to properly calm down and relax.

"Y-yeah... you did...".

Was all you've managed to clumsily force out.

And your voice tone sounded just a little surprised.

That was because you've experienced a bit of a realization.

Truth be told, you've completely forgotten about your previous conversation.

You've forgotten just what kind of a royal Lucifer told you he was.

And when you remembered the male's previous words, your eyes widened a little.

Yet, your mind didn't feel any clearer, you still felt the same.

So, saying anything more was a task you could not achieve.

But, the devil went on with the conversation anyways.

"Then what's up with that reaction?".

He questioned you, an eyebrow raised.

He sounded almost judgemental at that certain moment.

He even looked the part - an unimpressed gaze, a hand on his hip.

Yet, somehow, there was still no feeling of ill-will to him.

Still, it wasn't any easier for you to think of what to say.

"I- I... well... y-you see...".

You clumsily attempted to explain yourself.

But a weak little mutter was all that you could give.

You couldn't say anything more, your brain felt too empty.

Everything that's happened just left you with a clouded mind.

And your thoughts and emotions were all over the place.

So, a soft mutter and a distressed whimper was the best you could do.

But Lucifer didn't seem to mind that, not even in the slightest.

"Nah, I'm just pulling your leg!".

He called with a hearty chuckle.

And he dismissively waved his hand as he added:

"I totally get the whole dropping to your knees thing!".

"I mean, we're literally the rulers of hell, so it makes complete sense for you to act this way,".

The blonde male went on and on.

He seemed to be having a good laugh at all of this.

And he gesticulated and spoke all enthusiastically.

But you didn't really catch any of what was being said.

Your brain was way too overloaded to be able to do so.

And the longer Lucifer spoke, the worse you began to feel.

Much to your relief though, Lilith finally chimed in once again.

"Luci, I think you're completely overwhelming the poor thing,".

The queen of hell noted.

She sounded a little amused just like the male was.

Yet, there was a clear hint of concern in the way she spoke.

"Oh, am I?".

The king of hell paused.

Finally, he took a moment to take in your state.

And when he did, he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck and mused:

"Yeah... I think I am,".

After Lucifer noted that, Lilith focused and spoke directly to you.

"We apologize, (Y/N).".

She started in a gentle tone.

And her expression was not as amused anymore.

At that certain moment, she seemed almost apologetic.

But not too much.

"It's just that it's not often someone doesn't recognize us, and we couldn't help ourselves,".

The demoness explained.

And you could've sworn her eyes held genuine concern in them.

Although her overall stance didn't really change much.

The tall blonde was still perfectly well-composed.

And she still appeared mostly unphased.

Then she finished her speech with:

"all was meant in good fun,".

At that final explanation, you paused.

Your racing thoughts came to a full stop.

And processing Lilith's words, you said cautiously:

"S- so we're... all good?".

Your words came out slow and soft.

And you were careful with your wording too.

You were kind of testing the waters in a sense.

The two rulers of hell kept surprising you.

They were continuously proving to not be a threat to you.

Yet one could never be fully sure - especially not in Hell.

And especially not as mere little imp.

Your question was met with a warm smile from Lilith.

And she nodded to your words, confirming them.

"Yes, we're all good".

She confirmed.

Relief washed over you then.

And you made sure to voice that.

"Oh- holy shi- I'm so relieved!".

You breathed.

And only then did you get off the ground.

"Fuuuuck,".

You gave a breathy chuckle.

And you wiped some metaphorical sweat off your forehead.

You felt on cloud nine - as if you've escaped death.

So, you couldn't really control your vocabulary at the moment.

Not like it mattered anyways.

"For- for a moment I thought-".

You stumbled over your words a little.

This entire thing felt just so unreal.

You were overwhelmed again.

But this time not exactly overwhelmed in a bad way.

"For a moment I thought it'd be off with my head or something!".

You admitted.

And you gripped your head.

You needed a moment to fully process everything.

"Whaaat? No! No, we'd never do that!".

Lucifer called, pulling your focus back to himself and his wife.

He looked and sounded astounded.

As if not grasping just where you got that idea from.

But then he paused, and he gripped his chin in thought.

"I mean, we probably did that at some point, centuries and centuries ago...".

He thought out loud.

And that made your eyes widen a little.

You couldn't tell of he was just kidding around again or not.

And you almost felt your unease returning.

But then came the following exchange.

"Or did that happen only in a dream...?".

The Devil mused, confused and uncertain.

To which Lilith shushed him gently yet disapprovingly:

"Lulu, you're not helping,".

That was all she said.

She didn't deny or confirm anything.

And Lucifer perked up just then.

"Oh- yeah, right... that was a little beside the point I was trying to make...".

Lucifer admitted awkwardly.

He even gave a slight apologetic look for a quick moment.

But that expression of his was pretty much short lived.

Since then he relaxed and offered a friendly smile.

"Sorry, dear (Y/N), I tend to trail off sometimes.".

He told you, voice calm and pleasant.

And his words were even accompanied by a low chuckle.

"I can confirm that,".

Lilith voiced in, her tone just as pleasant, as well as humorous.

The mood in the room suddenly felt much better.

It felt easier to just be in the moment.

Lilith's little jab at Lucifer's expense made the male give a playful glare.

And to that, the demoness offered a playful smirk back.

Then, the blond male spoke again.

"Anyhow, I think we should properly apologize for how we...".

Lucifer trailed off.

Seemingly trying to find the right term to use.

"had fun at your expense?".

Lilith filled the rest in.

Helping her lover name what they did correctly.

And the male nodded in agreement:

"Yeah... that'd be the word,".

Then, Lucifer added:

"So, what can we do to apologize?".

The words of the pair had you astonished.

After all, they did give you a verbal apology already.

So, you'd just assume the situation was over.

It wasn't like you wanted anything more from them anyways.

After all, getting an apology out of someone as an imp was near to impossible.

And having someone want to do a selfless act to undo their wrongdoing?

That was twice as impossible.

No one really cared for imps.

Nor did they really see them as equals.

And yet, here were the two highest ranking demons in all of hell.

Both of them treating you fair and with respect.

You were so beneath them.

Yet they treated you more kindly than your own kin.

And maybe even more kindly than you treated yourself.

"Oh- no, no, that's completely alright!".

You dismissed the pair's offer.

You really weren't used to such treatment.

And you almost felt bad if you were to accept.

"No real harm was done! All's good!".

You went on.

You really didn't want for these two to burden themselves for your sake.

Honestly, it felt a little wrong.

However, your dismissiveness got matched.

Lilith and Lucifer weren't accepting of you waving it all off.

"No, no, we insist!".

Lucifer cut your efforts off.

And he matched your own voice tone.

Dismissive and insistent, and also a bit loud.

"Truly, we insist.".

Lilith nodded along, not letting you speak.

"After all, words are just so cheap - actions speak much louder".

She persuaded some more.

And the Devil was there to her aid, saying:

"So, even if we shall do just a simple act like buying you coffee... We insist,".

Of course, your first instinct was to keep declining.

Yet, something in you had you pause and think.

This was an opportunity like no other.

For you seemed to get along well with the two so far.

And the pair seemed to understand you like no one else.

After all, the two shared your view on Pride needing more colour.

Who knew if you didn't have more things in common?

And perhaps this was the moment you've always been waiting for.

Did you really want to sabotage yourself and throw it all away?

The answer was no.

No, you didn't.

And so, with a bit of hesitation, you stated:

"I guess... that coffee does sound good?".

And with your sheepish smile and answer the deal was sealed.

Because the king and queen both grinned.

"Good, I'm sure we'll have a lot to talk about,".

Lilith hummed.

She sounded pleased.

"And we'll start with why Pride needs more colour".

Lucifer added in.

And he gave a playful wink.

Then, his red eyes met yours for a moment.

And the Devil smiled at you before calling eagerly:

"Off to a cafe we go!".

And with that, the male rushed towards the museum exit.

He seemed to completely forget about you and Lilith.

"You'll get used to it,".

Lilith told you with a smile.

And as her lilac gaze met yours, her eyes flashed red again.

But this time her red eyes didn't intimidate you.

You two then went ahead to follow Lucifer.

And on your way out of the museum, you had just one thought.

That being:

That now you couldn't really hate the colour of red as much as you used to.

___________________________________________

[cripplecharacters]

Hello, I have a question. In one of my projects, set in a vaguely 1600s fantasy pirate setting, one of my characters starts out as a burn survivor, with a large burn on her cheek.

She wears a scarf initially to protect the burn from the salt air as well as some self esteem issues, however I don’t want to fall into the masked burn survivor trope, or have a self-hating disabled character.

If it helps, over the course of the story she gets access to hydrating salves and stops needing the scarf as she grows to accept her facial difference.

Thank you for your time, and for all the help you give to us!

Hi!

I think protecting a burn scar from salt is smart. It also could help with the sun-related issues. However, the scarf should be of an appropriate material - a rough texture would only irritate and scratch it, which causes even more problems. If you mention that, or show the process of her choosing something that works for her from that angle, I think it would be much more of a "medical device" and less of a "hiding disability".

It's important to discuss why she has the self-esteem issues. Don't make it into a "Duh, obviously someone with a facial difference would have low self-esteem, just look at them!" which I constantly see.

Was she bullied or harassed over being disabled?

Is she traumatized from experiencing abuse or aggression? Does she fear that being visibly disabled will make her a target for violence again?

Was there a particular person who made her feel that way, like a parent or a "friend" that influenced her view of herself?

Was society around her lacking examples of happy burn survivors, so she assumed that she can't be happy either?

Make it clear why she feels that way, and don't make the narrative frame her facial difference as the root problem. The problem should be the thing that caused her to feel insecure. It's the same as the fact that mobility aids aren't a problem, inaccessibility is - at least that's how I look at it as someone who has an FD and uses a mobility aid.

This is by no means disability-specific, but look out for tragedy porn. Even if she has had bad experiences, I guarantee you that she had happy ones as well. In her case, maybe she met the funniest girl ever at the 1600s fantasy pirate burn unit, maybe the doctor who treated her helped her discover a new hobby while she was stuck in bed. Her backstory shouldn't boil down to "happy (abled) life, then the Accident, then horrible (disabled) life". That'd be a very hurtful message to send.

I do appreciate that she gets character development around her facial difference. I will say that this internal change often comes from seeing other disabled people thrive, being proud, shown as beautiful and valuable, etc. Representation is important in stories, even in-universe. This was certainly the case for me, and is the reason why now I'm so loud about including happy and positive people with facial differences everywhere. This stuff doesn't exist in a vacuum, you're affecting how people see themselves. It also leads me to my last, probably comically predictable point, which is...

Add more burn survivors, or at least characters with other facial differences, into the story. Preferably ones that have the low self-esteem either far behind them or haven't struggled with it in general (we exist). They don't have to be major characters but even just mentioned; e.g. your character thinking about other survivors she met in the place that treated her burns, or her seeing people with visible facial differences out and about and it making her think about why she even hides hers, etc. In short - don't make shame seem like the default reaction to having a facial difference, because it isn't.

I hope this helps!

mod Sasza

[an-inspired-eternity]

breaks into your inbox

hi, please, sell me on akirui, tell me all about them please. ive been thinking about them after the devil’s manner april fools thing and i just need to hear someone go insane about it i think

uh, yeah!! :]

HELLO. OUGH OUGH OUGH WHERE DO I BEGIN.

first of all the "like oil and water" trust rank title (that ensekai butchered but what doesnt ensekai butcher involving queer ppl lbr)

okay first of all i just think the premise of where their dynamic starts is so funny bc they r so >:3 >:| core and i love that for them.

BUT. goes under the cut bc i have thoughts and feelings

the thing i LOOOVE tapping into with akirui (and akikasa/akiruikasa) as well is that for all akito bitches and moans hes more like rui (and tsukasa) then he insists he isnt.

i made another post before about akito and tsukasa both push themselves beyond their health limits for their dreams (and as well in my fic 'the balsam, fallen silent' it comes up that tsukasa's stunt in phoenix pissed akito off BECAUSE of how much it reminded him of himself with what happened in sbd)

with rui you have to read between the lines a bit more but there's a big deal made of how they're both very passionate about what they create and making what they create the best they can be

similarly to the phoenix/sbd stuff, rui does also push himself in a different but similar way, as seen in darkfes, where akito chastises him for downplaying his injury and to let people help him for the sake of putting on the best show possible.

you could argue there's a point of comparison to be made about how much they mask. akito with his polite front he uses around people he doesn't know, and rui reigning himself in at best or acting completely detached from what hurts him at worst. there's an excerpt from a fic i really like that summarizes rui's state well i think:

(taken from 'summer heat' by cepheide, a very good, 10/10 recommended akirui read from me)

and also as well as of the most recent event, we have rui asking akito who does and doesn't know about the latter's fear of dogs because he's trying to be delicate and careful regarding discussion of what is described to be trauma for akito, and akito is shown to be surprised and very touched by this act.

i don't think akito ever truly fully hated tsukasa or rui, but in the case of rui you can really see how much akito grows to tolerate and enjoy his company, to the point he can enjoy himself in rui's presence so long as rui doesn't try to treat him like tsukasa (ie: the situations)

also if i can ever finish the wip i have w/ them. the topic does come of shinei being a shithead, and i don't think we talk enough about how of the times we've seen rui genuinely pissed off and ready to throwdown it was about someone harming (emotionally or otherwise) a person he cares about. rui would hear about shinei and experience a rage unlike anything he's experienced since the scuffles with shosuke emus brothers. ive said this before but if akitoya is "lets run away together and we can escape everything and everyone thats ever hurt us", akirui is "you can run to me, i'll protect you. i won't let anyone hurt you ever again"

[aliens8n]

Nsfw ABCs [ Rollo Flamm ]

Hello! This is my first blog and writing so bare with me but I feel the primal urge to create such things! For now I’ll be taking requests for headcanons and Drabble only Twst only!  Anyway, time to feed the Rollo simps!

NSFW| Rollo Flamm x GN reader |

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Rollo is a proper gentleman and believes that follow ups like after care should be common sense for anyone. If you have sex with someone, you’re supposed to clean up your bodies as he would consider it filthy if not. Though he would rather you be self-sufficient enough to do it yourself, he will clean you up nice and gently if you’re too drained; though expect some minor insults to slip out as he wipes you down with a warm rag. Rollo wouldn’t admit it but he does take pride in a way when you’re too much of a mess to do it yourself. After all he does believe that one should clean up the mess THEY caused. On a small side note since he would be relatively new to pleasure another, the aftercare part he was always more one of since he found it the easier thing to do in a sexual relationship.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of their partner’s)

He would absolutely love your hands. Oh how soft and comforting they were to hold. He loved the way they loved when they squeezed around the sheets on the bed as he kept his pace nice and steady as your hole squeezed around him. Rollo would have the tendency to slowly slide his hands down your arms only to then intertwine his fingers with yours and give em a nice firm squeeze. Even out of the bedroom he would randomly take your hand when he could and give them a soft kiss along each finger if he has time.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Due to not liking filthy things he usually pulls out and cums into a napkin or cloth he had placed out beforehand. Though on a very rare occasion he might cum right onto your back or stomach depending on the position. His cum would usually be thicker than the average person’s due to not really masterbaiting or having sex too often in general.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Rollo secretly likes temperature play though he wouldn’t act upon this liking all too much. On special occasions when he does want to drabble in his weird sexual interest it would consist of you blindfold to raise your other senses as he holds a candle to your body and just inches the flame closer. Your reaction to the threatening flame would have him pretty rock hard. Don’t worry he wouldn’t let it burn you, the worst he would do  letting a few drops of wax drip on you.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Absolutely not. He would of  been a happy virgin for as long as he lived if he hadn’t met you. He had a low libido though it would have raised up a bit once with you. You would need to guide him through it the first few times until he got how to please your body the way you like it. Rollo might have crossed some erotic scenes in his books but he would be keeping notes. What he knows is what is taught in sex ed so that is about it! At least he would be aware of the clit and the purpose of it, but don't expect him to blow your socks off the first few times.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Basic missionary is all he requires and likes. It is a simple position that allows him to see most of you and get the job done. He wouldn’t be too reluctant if you asked for a different one as long as it wasn’t too much of a hassle to do. The only other position he enjoys is doggy style, once again, it is simple and gets the job done.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Rollo is a serious man and wouldn’t understand why anyone would goof off during sex. If you were to try to make a joke during an erotic moment he would go soft and lose interest almost immediately and probably give you a cringed out look too.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He would keep himself very well kept! Anything you expected from his normal appearance would be the same down below, nice and tame. And he would expect the same of you as well. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

The first time would be more like you’re a teacher so it would go quite slow as he wants to make sure he is doing it right of course, as well as study your reaction to certain things he does if he goes off script. After a while once he feels confident in his ability,  the pace would be about the same as he wants you to feel every little thing he does to you. Rollo wouldn’t admit this openly, but  he cherishes your body and the fact that  YOU are allowing him, of all people, to do such things to you.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Rollo doesn’t have the time nor feel the need to jack off. If he feels pent up he will come directly onto you or have you sent to his office to fix the problem head on.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

As mentioned in another letter,  he would enjoy temperature play and some very soft bondage. He isn't a very kinky man but he might discover he likes orgasm denial if you manage to get punished by him. 

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

 His office or bedroom. He will NOT do it any other place, and if you try to get frisky with him outside of those two places, he will end up ignoring you for the rest of the day and even cover his mouth with his handkerchief to hide his disgust. Thankfully, you are his lover so he wouldn’t be mad at you for too long- but definitely never try it again.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

The simple things; such as the way your hips move as you walk, or how serious your expressions get when you’re determined or focused. What he finds most attractive is how you stand up to him and speak your mind; like you are the same level or better than him. Oh he can’t wait until he is alone with you to remind you of your place.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

There’s a lot of no’s coming from this man. No heavy pda such as making out; a small kiss and hand holding for a bit is okay but any more than that going to get you shunned. No spitting or anything dirty. Rollo absolutely wouldn’t tolerate being degraded at any point during sexy time. 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Rollo prefers to give as he finds it less dirty than to have his own dick sucked. Since he was previously an inexperienced virgin, it would take him a bit to get the hang of it and he would have an inconsistent tempo, BUT once he gets some practice you will be cumming- or get real close to an organism. Now, returning to the receiving end: you would have to practically beg him if you want to give him head. Though he does find it a bit gross…HE WOULDN’T SAY HE HATES IT!

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He is in between both fast and rough and slow and sensual. His speed is a moderate one. He wouldn’t be dreadfully slow, but he wouldn’t be  ramming in and out either. Rollo’s main goal would be to please you,  so he wouldn’t be in a rush to finish. 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Quickies are a waste of time. He doesn’t have time for them and if he did he would fill that time with something he deemed more productive. Rollo believes that  if he feels horny,  he will save that feeling for a time when he can have a full session with you. 

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Nope! Safety first! He would always be sure to have condoms, and if you don't like that then that's fine since sex would only be in the safety of his office or bedroom- nowhere else; and during times he has NOTHING but you scheduled.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

As many times needed until both parties have cummed at least once. Rollo has a decent stamina due to the lack of masterbaiting, and the use of his energy in general.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

No toys for this strict, used to be a mega virgin,  man. Toys are of no use as he has you if he wants pleasure. Now he wouldn’t say no if you brought one and requested him to use it on you. Of course, after you explain how and show him how it works, but he would never seek them out himself.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

At first, he would barely tease as these were learning sessions. Once comfortable, he will get a bit more adventurous and branch off from following your lead; he likes the foreplay more than the actual action of the deed. Rollo will plunge his fingers in and out of you until you beg him to just fuck you,  but you better be good at begging because a simple please and a few tears won’t satisfy him enough to actually fuck you. There will even be times when all he will use is his hands and possibly a toy if you request it. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

For the most part he is trying to keep his normal poker face, but if you get lucky enough you might look up to see a small scowl with his cheeks a light flush of pink. As for noise, he keeps it all in but you can catch a groan or two slip  as he thrusts in and out.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Though he may not say it, it would be clear that after a while you will notice he seems to like power play as long as he gets to be the one in charge. Even during the first few times when you are teaching him, he would act  as if he was the one demanding you to show him- as if you were no more than a mere little puzzle for him to toy with.

[ithinkabouttzu]

hello! I love the reactions you write about Band of Brothers!, I would like to know how they would react if they knew they were their s/o's first boyfriend? I don't speak English, so sorry if it's bad 💕

Of course hon!!! Thank you so much for your request! Hope you enjoy!! 💌

Easy co.’s reaction to being their s/o’s first boyfriend!

Genre: Romance; fluff

Warnings: Kissing? I think that’s about it! (reader is gn)

Description: The Easy co. boys’ reaction to being their s/o’s first boyfriend!!

Taglist: @executethyself35 @linhkhanhcps @1waveshortofashipwreck @grumpy-liebgott @barbeygirl @samwinchesterslostshoe @ronsenthal @sweetxvanixlla (If you want to be on this list, let me know!! :))

BoB Masterlist

Dick Winters: Knowing how caring Dick is, he would make it his mission to be the best partner possible for you. (he would even if he wasn’t your first boyfriend btw) He wants you to have the best experience possible, going on fun dates, surprising you with flowers, he wants to make sure that you feel loved no matter what. That true romance does exist. He would do all the little romantic stuff you haven’t really experienced before. He hopes to be your first boyfriend and last.

Lewis Nixon: I think Nix would find it particularly interesting that you haven’t had a boyfriend before him. Because literally how? You are the most attractive person this guy has ever met? He wouldn’t be surprised if you said you had guys lining down the block to take you out. I think he also gets a good kick out of the fact that he would be your first kiss (if you already haven’t had it) and your first everything really. He would let you in on everything you need to know relationship wise.

Carwood Lipton: He makes sure to set a high standard for you. He’s also like Dick, bringing you flowers and opening the door for you, holding your hands and being the sweetest guy ever. He reminds you that, even though most first relationships don’t always have the reputation to succeed, he can promise that he won’t leave, no matter what. He wants to make a relationship with him feel good and special. He’s determined to make you feel like a princess/prince at all times.

Joe Toye: When you tell him that he is your first boyfriend, he gets very protective. He genuinely wants to give a great experience with relationships in general, and swears to never hurt you in any way. He knows that this is special to you, so he takes dates and any sort of one-on-one time with you very seriously. Planning all kinds of stuff for y’all to go do. He really makes sure to take care of you and keep you safe from harm's way.

Joe Liebgott: When you tell Lieb that he’s your first boyfriend, he kinda feels a pressure from himself to be the best boyfriend to you. He wants for you to experience all of the young puppy love stuff with him, even if that means you two act like complete fools, it doesn’t matter to him. He wants to be your comfort and confidante during this new thing with you. But he’s so patient and considerate too, if you’re not ready to kiss or say “I love you” he’s very understanding and will wait until you feel comfortable.

Bill Guarnere: Bill really wants to be your first and best s/o. He is very set on making a good impression on you of what a good boyfriend should be like. He would love to show how great and fun romantic relationships can be. He really considers how fragile first relationships can be and really cares about your feelings, like figuring out what all of your boundaries, what you like and don’t like dating wise, he really protects you and takes you under his wing in a way.

George Luz: He figures the best way to be your boyfriend is to be your best friend first. He really tries to make you laugh and smile any chance he gets, he wants you to be happy no matter what, when you guys are dating and you tell him that he’s your first bf, he wants to meet all of the expectations you’d have for your partner, literally be the perfect, cheesy little boyfriend you’ve always wished for (be ready for lots and lots of flowers and sweet treats if you’re with him.)

Bull Randleman: When you tell Bull that he’d be your first boyfriend, he honestly feels honored to be your first partner. He truly thinks that the only reason you haven’t had a boyfriend before is because you have super high standards. He’s very gentle with you the first couple months you guys are dating, almost a bit reserved because he just wants to be respectful to you. Anytime he’s about to do anything romantic with you he’ll ask over and over again, “Is this okay?”

Eugene Roe: He’s so, so attentive and patient. Just the kindest boyfriend you could ever ask for. He knows that he’s your first boyfriend, and is willing to do whatever it is so that you don’t ever have to worry in a relationship with him. He will make sure to give you the best hugs and kisses and remind you that he’ll be the best boyfriend possible for you. And I can’t forget about all of the sweetest little dates he would take you on. He literally proves to you that chivalry is in fact, not dead.

Floyd Talbert: Tab’s honestly kind of nervous to be your first boyfriend. He wants to be the best guy for you. He understands how special a relationship is for you, so he makes sure to cherish and handle it as if it’s the most precious gift he’s ever had. He’s also very flattered to know that he’s your first everything. He can’t wait to experience all of the little romantic couple things you want to do with him eventually in the relationship.

Skip Muck: He takes it as a compliment that he’s your first boyfriend. He kinda goes over the top in the first couple weeks in y’all’s relationship. Sweet boy just wants to make a great impression on you, that he can be the perfect boyfriend for you. Like buying you all of your favorite things, surprising you with gifts, going on all kinds of dates. He wants to show you that he’s a great guy that is more than willing to love you and be in love with you.

Don Malarkey: He really has the sweetest intentions with you as your partner. He wants to make you happy and safe no matter what, whether he’s your first boyfriend or last. He is such a cute gentleman when it comes to your relationship with him, like coming up to your place with flowers, lowkey freaking out like a kid on his first date with you. He makes sure you are always comfortable and feel loved 24/7. He just adores you so much.

Shifty Powers: He doesn’t really mind that much, he thinks it’s kinda cute actually. He feels so special that you would want him to be your first boyfriend. He wants to make sure that you have such a nice experience with him. He does feel a bit of responsibility to make sure this relationship is the best. He prioritizes communication so much in y’all’s relationship because he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable in anything relationship wise.

Babe Heffron: Don’t take this the wrong way, but he’s so happy that he gets to be your first boyfriend, that he gets to be your first everything. He’s so excited to be youthful and do young-love things with you. He’s kinda like Bill, very set on being your first and best. He will make sure that you know he’s there to stay no matter what. When you’re dating him just remember that he will annoy you with silly little dates and stuff like that.

Frank Perconte: He wouldn’t really care if he had been your first boyfriend, or your 100th, he just wants you to be happy and make you feel like the best partner in the world. He does want to make sure that he’s providing all you need so that you feel perfect in your relationship with him. If there’s something in particular that you’d really like for him to do, he would go all out for it!! He just really wants to see you happy and safe.

Ronald Speirs: He finds it quite amusing that he’s your first boyfriend. A little shocked at first because he genuinely couldn’t tell you hadn’t had a boyfriend yet. He finds the need to protect you even more, considering that he would hold such a special part in your life. He makes sure to take the relationship as slow or as fast as you like. He has such a hidden soft side for you and it’s so cute, even before he knew he was your first.

Johnny Martin: He’s very shocked. “Are you sure? You know high school relationships count too, right?” Lol he just finds it very hard to believe that you’ve never been with any other guy until now. He honestly feels kinda proud that you would want him to be your first boyfriend if he does say so himself. Any kinda cheesy little first relationship stuff you want, he’ll do it. Just don’t ask him to sing you a song and you’ll be alright.

Skinny Sisk: “Really? No joking?” He gets really soft with you when he figures out that you’ve never been with another person before him. Like he understands how important it can be to you so he does all the little sweet things a first boyfriend should do. Having the “talk” with your parents, taking you to the movies, holding your hand when you’re scared. He’s the best gentleman with you and he promises to you that he will never misuse or hurt your heart in any way. (like ron he’s also so soft for you lol)

Chuck Grant: He gets happy when you tell him that he’s your first boyfriend, not because you haven’t had a guy before, but because you chose him to be in a relationship with. He’s very understanding and patient with you if there’s some things you don’t really have a clue on in relationship stuff, he honestly finds it cute. He immediately takes responsibility as your boyfriend and makes sure to keep you happy and safe no matter what.

David Webster: Honestly is a bit nervous at first, just because he doesn’t want to hurt you in any way and wants for you to have the best first relationship possible. He has a lot of self doubt that he can be the best guy for you at first, but when you let him know that he’s all you want, he makes sure to be there for you in any way possible. He’d do so many sweet things for you, one I could see him do is like write you sweet little love poems and stick them in your bag before work or school.

Buck Compton: Ahhh where do I start? This hot shot thinks it’s adorable. You haven’t had a boyfriend yet? Well you got one now. He’d be more than happy to do a bunch of mushy couple stuff with you, he would love it actually. He just wants to make you happy at all costs, so he’s willing to do just about everything. As long as you're safe and happy then he’s fine. Get ready for him to be such a sweet guy whenever you’re around, like soft as can he.

Thank you for your request again, anon!!! I hope you all enjoyed! 🤍🩷🤍🩷🤍🩷

[betterbemeta]

Hi hello and welcome people who like the fat girl vampire post!

I made it 8 years ago in response to having graduated a while earlier, as I struggled to actually get jobs with my shiny new degree.

I rarely presented femme in my life before I had to dress up for interviews, and for in-person work. I was always 'kind of terrible at it', partially because I have always been fat and that interferes with 'doing girl correctly' to a lot of our society.

Having to work as an adult likely contributes to being fatter than my previous norm, which was maintained despite walking miles between school and home, biking at college, etc.

I wrote the fat girl vampire post, thinking that the things that fat women often deal with (intersection of fatphobia and misogyny?), have to do with presence and absence. Vampires, when the trope isn't discussing class (?) also are often about presence and absence:

A fat girl is not invited to parties or events because she is pushed away from society in favor of those who are seen as just a bit more human. A vampire can't enter your house unless invited; they lack the social agency of a living person.

A fat girl is not photographed because someone does not like how she'll look in a group. Or she is covertly photographed to humiliate over how much space she takes up in public. A vampire can't be photographed because they are dead, their image can't be captured, they aren't 'there', or they do not have a soul to capture on a silver exposure plate. And yet their absence from the photograph is jarring, their 'space' they take up is obvious.

A fat girl is terrorized into avoiding mirrors, a vampire avoids mirrors.

etc.

Although I enjoy many feminine fashions and took away a lot of knowledge from that part of my life, I began experiencing a strange alienation when I would 'dress up,' as if I was in costume or in disguise. Some of this was probably due to the artificiality of it all. I only 'needed' to wear more feminine things to go to work, which is the means to an end of Get Money. But I also bought and wore things I genuinely liked, that weren't completely for the work type of costume. So that wasn't the end of it.

I reasonably considered, most women don't feel like they are assuming a form, or are in costume, when they present in public. This stuff clued me in to identifying as agender, and nonbinary. I wonder if I had been a skinny child, if I would feel the same way. Or would being given a 'full life' as a woman instead of a 'half life,' have conditioned me differently?

Because our world really doesn't know what to do with agender people, I still most frequently 'assume the form of' a woman for social reasons, and I can even enjoy it... in the way you can enjoy wearing a costume sometimes. I can't say I am no longer connected to 'womanhood' even if I definitely do not have a cisnormative relationship with it.

It's interesting to me to see that ancient post circulating now, with an artist's work attached to it. I love the artwork, and I adore the artist's work and size inclusive clothing shop. In context to my specific experience though, I find it funny that the fat girl vampire is pictured to be so effortlessly feminine in her existence. She's as close to the default as she can be and still be seen to be fat. She has 'assumed the form', too...

[missmastectomy]

hello, pretty freshly detrans here. i finally understand what all those ‘annoying cis people’ meant when they said gender isn’t a feeling. like, actually, i fully comprehend it now. if you unpack all those supposed ‘gender feels’ it all wraps back to stereotypes and gender roles, whether you identify as a soft boy or a big rugged stereotypical man like i did. because that’s all gender is. and holy shit, i feel duped!

you’re telling me i could’ve spent all this time being a hot hairy butch who defied the social expectations placed on women but i was so entrenched in the idea that i was somehow a man, which is DEFINITELY a real innate category of being and not a made up social class assigned to a given sex to give them more power (sarcasm) that i lost half my family to it? that i argued with people i know and love over it? that i experienced trauma in the church because of it? only to realize that gender itself isn’t even real, something i knew the whole time but hypocritically refused to apply to myself. i’ve been scammed. i dressed up my personality in a blue box and told myself it was a boy. fuck.

at least there’s freedom in sight now. sorry to rant in your inbox, i hope it’s relatable if nothing else.

I completely understand. I also used to feel annoyed when “cis” people said they don’t know what feeling gender is like. The thing is, though, trans people’s gender feelings are actually very easy to understand once you get to the bottom of what dysphoria is. Often trans people will describe their gender identity as stemming from dysphoria, a disconnect between the mind and body. The discomfort and desire to be the other sex is so strong that people transition and the vast majority of trans people describe that as the state of “being a woman/man,” instead of “hey, I’m a bio female/woman transitioning in order to cope with dysphoria.”

I talked about it before, but if you understand why women get harmful cosmetic surgeries because they cannot stand living in their bodies, or why anorexics will hurt themselves in pursuit of a perfect body, you already understand half of trans identity. People often try to reinvent themselves when they’ve been rejected or traumatized. People often try to mold themselves into someone else, someone you were “always meant to be,” but ultimately never will, because the image you’ve created in your mind is completely fictitious.

Most trans people operate like this. Ime there are vanishingly few trans people who recognize that their sex doesn’t change and that they are ultimately still men or women. Most consider gender to be innate, therefore they were always actually men or women. Few acknowledge that it is basically a lifestyle choice. Honestly, a poor one at that, considering the adverse effects it has on your body and social life.

Some transmeds cite sex dysphoria as the reason for transition, but where does it come from? They often argue that transsexuals have brains that map out the body of the opposite sex and that causes the dysphoria, but there’s poor evidence for this. Ask a trans person how they knew they were trans and they will say 1) they always felt uncomfortable in their body/didn’t connect with others of their sex or 2) I’m a boy/girl but engaged in stereotypical activities of the opposite sex. It’s really just a bunch of made up nonsense to explain the suffering a lot of gnc, gay, whatever people experience.

A lot of trans people don’t realize that everyone else also has “gender feelings,” but they just don’t describe it with the language trans people do. Because of this disconnect, trans people often take this as evidence that their gender identities are real and infallible. But if you talk to, say, a woman who was very masculine as a child and didn’t fit in with girls, you will literally hear the same feelings of discomfort that most transmen describe. The difference is that these women grew out of it or learned to cope and accept themselves. Most transmen do not.

The conditions for trans identity to form are a combination of wrong place wrong time. I have a hard time not feeling sympathetic for the old fashioned transsexual types who recognize bio sex because I understand how debilitating dysphoria can be, but the religious mumbo jumbo speak of the modern trans movement is insufferable and harming thousands, if not millions, of people. It’s time to come back down to reality.

[lavandaea]

*inhales deeply*

There's spoilers ahead so, yeah, be careful.

This weekend episodes have actually broken my soul.

He didn't even need his feelings to be reciprocate, HE JUST WANTED TO BE WITH HER.

Dear writers, some things to ask, why so much screen time to second male lead? Why create such chemistry? Such backstory? (Spoiler alert: that will make us sympathize with the supposed villain) To just fuck*ing rip his heart out and pulverize it like Grandma with the cow bones, yes, just like that.

Let me get this straight, after having been raised in an environment of violence, pain and God knows what else for God knows how long, he falls in love. He experiences ✨feelings✨ ,he puts all his trust in her like never before, he shares his past and then he gets betrayed.

I swear I never seen someone cry so with so much meaning, feeling, with so much back there.

We made progress for the last (at least) five episodes TO JUST END IT IN A SINGLE ONE.

This could have been handled a lot better in a lot of ways and about a lot of topics that I could actually write an essay.

Let's begin the the main leads.

So, in order to have some sort of feeling about ML and FL loving eachother you need to put screen time ON them. Yeah, they support eachother, they have known far before Si Oh, they are funny and a lot of things more. They even kissed and very passionately, wow.

Just one thing, Why didn't I even blink during that scene but found myself hitting the pillow and blushing when Si Oh did such mundane things as taking her home, opening doors for her, fixing her purse, hair, looking at her with those "I love you" eyes,👏feeling👏guilty👏about👏making👏her👏uncomfortable👏 with👏his👏feelings👏for👏her HELLO??, WAVING HER BACK WHILE HE WATCHED HER GO, SMILE EVERY DAMN TIME HE SAW HER?

I´ll tell you why. Because I know, thanks to you, that Si Oh was experiencing for the very first time what it's like to have human interaction that doesn't involve violence or having to be wary of everything and everyone all the time.

Even after having lived a life of shit, even after still living a life of absolute shit he still wanted to be connect, to be happy, to make her happy, to love and be loved. Moreover, I couldn't help just to feel happy for him, sad, angry, fucking rageous (not more than him, obviously).

Meanwhile, I barely know Hee Sik aka the male lead.

I remember seeing his mother once and I think that's what I understood about his private life. Sorry, I forgot about his deceased brother, that could have been a good topic to develop if it wasn't just mentioned once somewhere in the sixth chapter and left there to rot. Other than that, I know he is a cop, loves his cops friends and loves Nam Soon, also he is really loyal and good person.

Nice👍, very nice. But that's not personality or backstory, that's a job and some general traits everyone should have to live in a society and have a job where you usually do the teamwork thingy.

So, what else??

Or does the man just exist for his job and girlfriend?

It is just I simply don't understand it, you create a seriously complex character that has any kind of potential and you want us cheer for...Yeah, no. He literally could be an extra with how little and simple information we receive about him.

Even Shi Oh had some time to box being a drug dealer and full time whipped for her.

I'm just saying that you want me to suddenly dislike someone you took a considerable amount of time explaining but I have to like this good guy because you just pointed at him 👉🧍, and said, "here's the good guy, love him".

Sorry, I cant do that.

If you haven't noticed, you just made a character I fell obliged to sympathize.

If you wanted to make him evil and hot you should have just made him evil and hot.

It worked just as well with Jang Han Seok from Vincenzo.

Not have him have "REDEMPTION" written all over his face just to go with "Actually, no. He has no chance. 😃". It's, for lack of a better term, frustrating. (Pointless)

Instead, maybe you should have dedicated that screen time for the construction of the main leads relationship.

Oh, yes. Another thing since we are talking about the matter.

ML and FL relationship progress got weaker and weaker since she had started to spy on Si Oh. And then one episode was like "Oh, yeah, forgot to tell you, they are actually dating by now" Bom, a kiss. If I need a kiss to know they are in love, there's something going on back there. If people are rooting for a couple that is not the main one, something is going on there.

Something lacking.

Scenes of them in love: well acted, nice, cute, cool, okay. But it is like picking a random romance book and start reading it ten chapters ahead, they are in love, but how did this happen??? Last time I saw them, they were in a friends-catching-fealings-zone.

Where's their development?

I know where is it. In the fake relationship, that it was being used just to turn Si Oh into a complete monster with probably not chance of going back.

"You have suffered a lot, yeah, I see. Anyway here's more pain. Suffer more and go cause some trouble because if not, there's, apparently, no plot"

Nice job.

I have been saying this and I will say it again, kdrama writers/directors are not ready for traumatized villains. They are afraid of them.

[stclaretarot]

18+ only ⋆ pac ⋆ what are their secret sexual fantasies about you

reminder that this is a general reading and messages found here may not apply to everyone. take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and don’t force anything if it does not fit

BOOK A READING WITH ME · TWITTER · TIPS ♡ tips and feedback are highly appreciated

☆ GROUP ONE

cards pulled ⋆ six of cups, judgement, page of wands, seven of pentacles, ten of wands (rx), knight of wands, the moon, the chariot

channelled songs ⋆ crazy in love - remix by beyoncé · dog days are over by florence + the machine

my dear group one ♡ this person is thinking of the sex they have had with people in the past, or, rather, with you before life got busy and your sex life became as boring and predictable as it is now.

it's not as if they are unsatisfied with the sex you have, rather, they want to inject some excitement back into the relationship. and not only do they fantasise about spicing up the relationship, but it's almost as if they are hounded by thoughts of it.

by thoughts of a threesome (or foursome, or orgy 😳), in particular.

they know that they should be open with you, but they don't know if letting you in on their secret desires will ruin the relationship that you have built. they're worried that you will feel disrespected by this secret desire; that you'll feel as if you're not enough for them, when that is not the case.

they don't want to bring in a new person or to have an affair or an open marriage. they want a one off experience that will he fun for the both of you–and not just the sex itself, but choosing the right time, the right person (or people), the right approach, the right outfits, the right toys, the right positions. it's not just the sex itself they're fantasising about, but this whole adventure with someone that they love.

they fantasise about this being the beginning of a new chapter in your sex life. and that while threesomes (etc) won't become a mainstay in your sexual life, it will open you two up to trying more and more exciting things in the bedroom. even a little light bdsm.

they want you to feel interested in sex again. they fantasise about sex being as exciting, uneasy, adrenaline inducing now as it was the very first time. in whatever shape that actually takes. because, more than anything, this person is motivated by love for you. passionate love for you. and they want the sex you're having to reflect that again.

☆ GROUP TWO

cards pulled ⋆ five of cups, the tower (rx), nine of wands, justice (rx), four of pentacles (rx), four of wands (rx), high priestess (rx), ace of wands

channelled songs ⋆ hello stranger by kai · if you had my love by jennifer lopes

my dear group two ♡ this person is someone who attaches a great deal of shame to their sexual attraction to you, and, in turn, the secret sexual fantasies that they have for you.

you two are not close or not in communication and, because of this, they feel as if they are not allowed to feel the way they feel about you. or think the things that they think about you.

this person may have heavy or prominent scorpio placements and, to put it simply, they're ruled by scorpio in their desire for you. they want to fuck. that's the end all and be all of it.

they desire you intensely, in a way that may have surprised even them for how unusual it is for them to experience this kind of sexual attraction at all.

this person views you as someone who is sexually experienced, or at least sexually active. they fantasise about proving to you that they're not only good, but that they're better than anyone you've ever been with.

it's a competition for them. and they'll be damned if they don't show you that they're the best option for you.

they're almost at their limit in this way, not knowing how much longer they can stay away from you. how much longer they can keep their fantasy as just fantasy.

ultimately, they fear that you two are too incompatible. they're not as experienced as you are (or as they believe you are) and fear not measuring up to a certain standard of expectation. besides, what they really want from you is a relationship.

do they want to please you, to have you crying from how good they're making you feel, to have you practically begging them? yes, but not in anything less than a wholly committed relationship.

it's only in a place where they know that they are loved and can love can they unveil this part of themselves. like a wary cat biting at the hands of strangers, purring sweetly only when you let them curl in your lap.

☆ GROUP THREE

cards pulled ⋆ eight of cups, knight of swords, ten of pentacles (rx), the lovers (rx), the chariot, nine of swords, seven of cups (rx), the devil

channelled songs ⋆ ok! by nct u · partition by beyoncé

my dear group three ♡ now why do i keep hearing “fuck nasty”... this person fantasises about the moment that comes after an argument, after they've pushed your buttons enough, after they've riled you up so much that the only option is for you two to go to the nearest secluded (or barely secluded) place and release all this tension.

a lot of the times they do this on purpose because that annoyed, angry, passionate sex is all that fills their mind, even when they're with others–with a partner in particular.

this person has a hint of exhibitionist in them and they fantasise about pushing everything to the limit with you. of seeing how far you two can go before you're caught, or nearly caught. it's dangerous and fun with you. something that they don't have with other partners, and yet that they crave.

they wait, on edge, to see you, because it's only with you that they can experience actual relief.

there's a sense of the madonna-whore complex here. they “respect” their partner too much to do any of this with, so they turn to you to fulfill all their sexual fantasies.

you or this person may also have a certain level of fame or notability and this affair is easier than a public divorce.

☆ GROUP FOUR

cards pulled ⋆ high priestess (rx), knight of cups, the world, strength, seven of pents, queen of cups, knight of pents, the devil (rx), the star (rx)

channelled songs ⋆ wait for it by leslie odom jr · call you tonight by whitney houston

my dear group four ♡ this person feels as if you are completely out of reach for them, and that the only way to get close to you is through their fantasies.

they have at one point been completely infatuated with you, with thoughts of you invading their mind throughout the day and their fantasies of you are like secret treasures they return to over and over in their mind.

their fantasies of you range from sweet to wild, as if, in knowing that you are untouchable, they feel safe to explore a broad world of sexual activity in their inner world.

ranging from fantasies of gentle, sensitive, sex after romantic dates, to sex that feels desperate in its impatient passion, they want all of you.

they fantasise of being held by, groped by you, of being lovingly teased and touched and worshipped by you. of letting go of all their inhibitions in this one intimate act with you.

they are unwilling to fully embrace their fantasies, however, and look upon them with a bit of embarrassment. even though they may at times masturbate to these fantasies, it's with a sense of being removed from the situation; reminding themselves that it's just a fantasy.

that it is just wishful thinking.

[youremyheaven]

Hello :) I was reading about Venusians and I kind of feel represented by this energy, maybe not strongly but I do. I don't have any Venus nakshatra in my primary placements, and my question is: if both of my ascendant nakshatra and rasi lords are in venusian nakshatras. Does it have an effect? could it be considered "dominant" or significant in some way? because I never get examples of this. In the community, they always talk about their Big 3, and in research, they give Big 3 examples, and they almost never consider those things as significant, which makes me feel like a wannabe Venusian 😬

Okay first of all , I think we need to ask ourselves why we cling to the idea of "dominance" so much. I've never thought of myself as anything dominant because I feel the effects of my whole chart in different areas/in different ways because that's how it's supposed to be?? (as each planet represents a different area of life?). I think this concept had its origins with Claire's astro beauty research where she associated the planet/nak that had the most physical influence on a person is their "dominant" placement but I think this way of thinking is inherently flawed because as interesting as I find Claire's astro beauty research to be, I don't actually think it holds ground because every person's appearance is a sum of many influences? Anybody can nitpick some common recurring features (esp when the women depicted are mostly just white women) and say xyz nak has caused it. Traditionally different body parts and features are associated with different planets and the astrology of appearance is very much real but it's not a hyper specific science the way Claire makes it seem. It's more like "mercury rules the forehead so many mercurials tend to have bigger foreheads" etc

Anywayyyys, you don't have to be anything "dominant" to relate to some nak or planet's impact. In fact if someone feels one placement more acutely than others, it's probably because of the astrological transits they're experiencing or because they're very spiritually underevolved. I do think a point arrives in one's spiritual journey where you feel completely detached from your chart or equally proximate/distant from every placement. It is the working of the ego that makes one over identify with one placement or another as a way to classify our experiences/personalities. By transcending the ego, we'll stop caring.

I think the whole chart affects an individual not just their big 3 and I take atmakaraka/amatyakaraka/lagna lord/1h & 2h placements/conjunction/debilitated/exalted planets etc into consideration as well.

Also check your d9 chart

You can relate to Venusian energies for so many different reasons (maybe check your dasha? see if you're experiencing Venus mahadasha or antardasha??)

I don't think it's healthy to obsess over dominance and I also don't think it's healthy to want to be any planet/nak?? That's literally the ego at play. Everybody wants to be Venusian but tbh Venus is as full of pros & cons as any other planet, it's not in any way shape or form "better". You can relate to something without labelling yourself as a Venusian? If I had Saturn ak and I related to that placement a lot, I wouldn't start calling myself a Saturnian. At the end of the day, it's all energies and let's not make this an American personality test type fixation