#hell is here

[prairiedeath]

01.07.2023

[gennsoup]

"Swift, swift, you dragons of the night, that dawning May bare the raven's eye! I lodge in fear. Though this a heavenly angel, hell is here."

William Shakespeare, Cymbeline

[blindedbythedarkness]

The Undeniable Dystopia is Here.

Life is bad. Like shockingly, horrifyingly bad. Growing up really felt like living through a series of unfortunate events- I was certainly repeatedly traumatized. But I never had to fight for my life every single day. That's where we are right now, and yet 95% of people can't or won't acknowledge reality. Hell really is empty and all the devils are here.

We live in a cesspit of plague. That's the state of the entirity of the Western world. I didn't want it at the start because I knew I was more "vulnerable" to its effects. Now I'd avoid it with just as much effort even if I was the healthiest person on Earth. The vaccines didn't stop the death, they just made it slower so people wouldn't notice.

All around me the effects are obvious. Everyone is ill. "The worst colds ever" and "the first year they've ever had hayfever". Quality of life is plummeting. Life expectancy is plummeting. Workers shortages. The internet full of people begging society to change course but incapable of leaving their beds to plead in person. Babies born tiny and starved, the effects on their brains untold. Kids collecting autoimmune diseases like pokemon cards. More Strep. More RSV. Kid after kid with their limbs stripped to the bone to stop the bacteria killing the rest of them. Brain damage termed just "brain fog." Friends of friends dropping dead. Strokes galore.

But you only see it if you're willing to open your eyes.

I can't study safely. I can't sit my exams without risking another hit of the virus that has already left me more disabled. It's not safe to go to the shops. It's not safe to sit in my own garden without a mask. It's not safe to go to the hospital- I know for sure because that's where I caught it last time. Every possible step forward, every possible move, every single day, involves a level of risk I couldn't comprehend 4 years ago.

I don't have PTSD, because we are not 'post'. The trauma is still growing.

At uni, I sit there in full PPE. PPE I spent more money on than I can afford, as someone who lives on less than minimum wage. I look around the room for the seat with the best ventilation, the best chance of air flow. I'm not religious, but I pray. Because I cannot afford to become even more disabled and I cannot afford to disable the person I love most. And then in filter 200 people who no longer care who they hurt with what they spread. Most avoid me- an uncomfortable reminder of the ongoing horror. One decides to sit next to me, coughing, excitedly asking me if I will be joining them for post-exam drinks. Indoors. Unmasked. We live in parallel worlds and yet they cannot even acknowledge that much.

They jet off abroad. Go to clubs. Have a sniffle but visit gran anyway. I pay attention when watching shows set in other dystopias, taking note of how to clean and suture a wound at home if needed. We cannot risk the hospital. I grow vegetables as the online prices rise and we cannot risk a trip to the store. I'm reminding my family what's at stake and begging them to protect themselves because I can't lose anyone else. And I'm praying.

Once again, just like when I was a teen, I find my comfort in misunderstood monsters and outcasts. The lonely characters that the world hates, who break down in tears when shown an ounce of kindness. I get wrapped up in the fantasy of having a safe space where I can finally let my guard down just for a minute. Where I can finally feel seen and see a bearable future. And when I see their visible scars, I feel them too, and I struggle against the urge to make more of my own.

There's no one coming to help me though and no safety in sight. There is just endurance. Even what remains of the mental health service is useless- why would I explain my pain to someone likely happily spreading the very virus that has created this hell? And I can't ask for support from my uni- they've made their views clear that this is my "anxiety" and I'm merely "overly cautious".

But I caught it, so not cautious enough. And it damaged my already disabled body further, so not anxious enough.

The undeniable dystopia is here and there is no end in sight.

[kafi-farigh-yusra]

Don't worry,

This too shall suck.

[onlyhurtforaminute]

THE CROWN-MYSTERION

[pxssagat]

Cryalot - Hell is Here

[orenji-iro-no-sora]

it's one of those Mondays when you feel like a mosquito clapped to the death and held by the wings between the finger tips.

[kawareo]

"Imagine still posting fanart a whole year after the game came out" brother what are you talking about

[lesbianwithchainsaws]

Found this really scary new horror game yall should check out. It's called indeed.com and it has a sequel called linkedin

[inthenimtime]

yep. its boring already. dont you agree?

St. Louis Post-Dispatch, Missouri, October 4, 1909

[lesbianralzarek]

"life doesnt get better, you just get stronger" does NOT include ages 11-17. life does in fact just get better from there. those years are dogshit. like, you do get stronger but its mostly just a factor of not being 11-17 anymore. positive thinking helps but it doesnt fix whatevers going on at 15, you have to brute force through that one raw

[abisalli]

Jason but he wears this helmet 😼

[spyglassrealms]

had a fucking hilarious dream that tumblr replaced the "block" function with the far funnier "glock" function, which did the exact same thing except whenever anyone blocked you a random bullet hole, like a png of a bullet hole, would appear on your blog. discourse blogs were unreadable bc you'd go to the page and the sheer amount of bullet hole pngs stacked over the blogs obscured everything. I woke myself up laughing

[identityarchitect]

remember, before you post, think SMART

Start discourse

Make up arguments

Ad hominem

Reading the post is for losers

Talk without thinking

[neurovarious]