#health anxiety back at it again

[boabel]

guys i feel like ive had a week long heart attack

[dykedvonte]

Why do you think did Curly let Jimmy go before the crash? I've seen the theory Curly briefly thought about crashing too but didn't expect Jimmy to go through with it

I generally believe it was shock and a bit of denial.

It’s the sort of thing where Curly knew Jimmy enough to know he blows up at things but he never would’ve expected him to go through with something so crazy. He gives Jimmy way too much benefit. It’s just his nature and the dynamics he has with Jimmy. They have a stable relationship as friends but it’s stabilized by the unhealthy toxic aspects that keep him in it. He’s like this with Anya, taking the gun is something he really shouldn’t have kept off the record, so is Swansea’s feigned hostility toward Daisuke. He doesn’t want to get people in trouble and doesn’t want to believe anyone would cause trouble other than to themselves. He’s a very lenient man.

I think the words were hollow in his head. Said but not really meant like all the times Jimmy lashes out and says something cruel to him or others. He never means it, if he did why would he still be Curly’s friend? Curly’s head wasn’t in the right space in that moment, he just got through panicking with Anya and if the sound design is anything to go by, was panicked and preoccupied going to confront Jimmy. I mean, the flash of the warning signs before he runs back are identical to the dissociative episode of sort he has when going to talk to Jimmy to do his Psyc eval.

There is this sort of assumption in fanon that Curly was the idealic person for the job and simply failed. None of them were the idealic people to be there, it’s Curly’s entire concern with the ladder he chose. I see more interpretations of him being purposefully ignorant where I see him as just always looking the wrong way or not in a place where he can see it. There’s something different about seeing something than being told about it in the human mind. It may just be the psych student in me but Curly def has some sort of cognitive dissonance just like Jimmy but when it comes to his role as a Captain vs who he is.

They blur in his head to where if you ask him if he was acting as a Captain or a friend or himself to his crew he couldn’t answer. Not with confidence even if he did. There are many times we see that Curly himself is not in the right headspace to lead the Tulpar and that’s outside of anything with Jimmy. He’s spacey, he’s not sleeping, he’s deeply unhappy with himself and life. It’s why there’s believability he crashed the ship. Maybe the others saw it, or maybe Jimmy heard enough of it to spin it in a way that made Curly seem suicidally depressed.

So the tdlr is I think it wasn’t so much letting Jimmy go, more so not seeing the severity of what he was allowing to transpire. In his mind it’s just another one of Jimmy’s bluffs, cruel words, off words but just words. Jimmy rarely ever acts, why would he now? Maybe he’s never seen it because Jimmy hides those actions? Either way, he just never thought he’d really do it.

[skunkes]

the thing abt the surgery is that yes I do get litle moments of being ecstatic it finally happened but also I just feel Normal now. like my base state for all my life up until last week was worry, horror, and panic when i'd occasionally remember the very unwanted thing my body was capable of, spiraling into what ifs on potential conflicts in my life and future... and now i just feel Not Stressed Out All the Time. Normal.

[hplonesomeart]

Took a schoolwork break so I could get back into sketchbook doodling! Trying to keep the momentum going so I can finish the whole thing before the year ends. So here ya go feast upon some Puzzle propaganda /j

Is this page cursed? I like to think it is :))

Also here’s a digital collage of various notebook doodles from classes wow super neat (you can tell most were from October)

[clarabowmp3]

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[lilowoof]

ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD

Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!

[tana-draws]

my brain is so fucking stupid. I was bullied in fourth grade, my friends were like “actually erm we don’t want to be friends with you :/“ on the second to last day of eighth grade (even though we were all zoned for different high schools and would never see eachother anyway). And because of that my brain is, as my therapist and mother (two different people,) theorized, “hyper vigilant for any perceived social ostrichaztion”. The thing is it’s fucking stupid about it. Sure it has the generic “uwu your friends probably hate you secretly” thing.

But it also. Like: I’ll see a post that is somewhat negative towards a thing I like or a trait I even remotely identify with (including stuff as vague as ‘nervous’ or ‘writer’) and I’ll be like “yeah that makes sense” or “I don’t agree but I also don’t care”. But then my brain will repeat the negative phrase on loop for like a week. And will trigger physical reactions (crying, shortness of breath, etc) in response to it. I’ve actually had public panic attacks over things I give 0 shits about because my brain is a fucking helicopter parent.

[wecandoit]

i honestly don’t hear enough people talk about how bad social anxiety gets post high school, particularly in work environments. Over the past two years I’ve become extremely hesitant to even speak in a lot of the spaces i'm in—classes, social events and especially workplaces. And as someone who has never felt socially anxious before I feel really alone in navigating this new obstacle.

like tell me why i have been at my workplace now for almost six months and can't muster up the courage to converse with my coworkers comfortably, while this guy who has been here for two weeks is already cracking jokes about Julie's terrible love life.

[iliterallydecepticanteven]

Being raised by adults who never apologized for their wrongdoings and always blamed their behavior on extenuating circumstances or someone else or their mental conditions really messed me up huh. Like all I asked was for you to apologize for yelling at me for asking you to hand me something because you thought my tone was wrong. But instead of an apology, I'm the one in the wrong because after all my tone was hostile to you and I need to remember that due to your ADHD you can't control your emotions. Nevermind the fact that I had carefully rehearsed the question in my head over and over again because this is not the first time this has happened. And I'm clearly a manipulative person for crying after being yelled at. Doesn't matter that I was thirteen, after all, I should've known better.

[torchickentacos]

[tacit-semantics]

Here’s how tacit can still win

[danielnelsen]

there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn

[shirogane-oushirou]

ogey, adding "digi!ren" (nickname tbd) -- a desktop buddy / ukagaka / shimeji au for ren -- to the f/o list! even if he eventually leaves the top romantic category, he's kyoot :) his tag is 💾 [ live in parallel. ] , and here's his key song lala (his true key song is smth else but. no good lyrics for his tag :/// )

[six-of-ravens]

anyway I think my Toxic Cycle over the past few years has been like:

2022-2023 - so much stressful change. everything changing. went back to the office. moved offices. started hybrid work. had to drive downtown. had to remember how to be a functioning social animal. help. now mom's foot is injured. running out of money trying to keep my apartment bc the cost of living skyrocketed. aaahhhh I'm gonna die of Change.

2023-mid 2024 - Okay, Not Actively Dying. But Now Everything Must Stay Exactly The Same. My Routine Must Be Unbreakable Or I Will Die. Even Thinking About Watching A New Movie Makes Me Ill. What Do You Mean There's No Enrichment in My Proverbial Enclosure Anymore?

mid 2024 - oh right I do have to do new or different things relatively often just so I don't forget that I am capable of them and that a social event or day trip or even going to a different store than usual isn't going to destroy me mentally and physically.

[evilpenguinrika]

idk if it's my delusions or if it's actually real

but i feel like the stupid bone jutting out behind my ear has gotten a tad smaller?

like it's not as jutty-outty as Monday and it doesn't feel tender when I touch it

so like, that's a GOOD thing, right? I don't need to go to urgent care RIGHT this moment, right?

[fiddlepickdouglas]

When in doubt, put on some music that will distract you from your breakdown, open Kidpix, and do random shit until the anxiety goes away