#because it didnt matter how hard i tried
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Being raised by adults who never apologized for their wrongdoings and always blamed their behavior on extenuating circumstances or someone else or their mental conditions really messed me up huh. Like all I asked was for you to apologize for yelling at me for asking you to hand me something because you thought my tone was wrong. But instead of an apology, I'm the one in the wrong because after all my tone was hostile to you and I need to remember that due to your ADHD you can't control your emotions. Nevermind the fact that I had carefully rehearsed the question in my head over and over again because this is not the first time this has happened. And I'm clearly a manipulative person for crying after being yelled at. Doesn't matter that I was thirteen, after all, I should've known better.
#sorry for the vent post#im just not in a good headspace lately#i just keeping going back to this#because i think it was my breaking point#kinda the moment i realized nothing was gonna change#because it didnt matter how hard i tried#and the fact that even now eleven years later when i explained to her how hurt i was by this interaction#it still gets brushed off and i still don't get an apology#like you wont apologize for the big problems you wont apologize for the small problems#it doesnt matter how much i explain how i was hurt i dont get an apology#id even settle for an insincere one at this point#and now being adult and recognizing how bullshit that behavior was#but being expected to carry on like usual because after all it was never that bad#nothing really terrible ever happened so why should i hold onto the past#idk man like 18 years of constantly walking on eggshells and carefully selecting every word and controlling my tone fucks a person up#and i dont wanna go back to that#nevermind the fact that my anxiety disorder got ignored and brushed off time and time again#nevermind the countless signs and panic attacks and weird behavior#mental health mattered until it was something you didnt have or inconvenienced you#then it was all in my head and i just had to grow a pair and act my age
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dyscalculia is so fucking frustrating and nobody LISTENS when i say math is hard for me. people try to be supportive and say “you’re so good at it!” but that completely misses the point. it takes double the work to do “good�� and unless i am constantly vigilant about remembering concepts (which is EXHAUSTING) i will forget.
and its just like. sure im good at it when i try. but thats not what im trying to tell you. what im saying is that the act of trying itself is so arduous and frustrating that id rather pull teeth than do simple multiplication
#personal pom#vent#dyscalculia#whenever i think of math class i think of crying because no matter how hard i tried the numbers didnt mean anything to me
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I think my glee obsession is returning in full force
#this is a nice feeling#i didnt have gleecast anywhere on my Spotify wrapped last year for the first time in... years!!!#but here i am listening to all the songs on repeat most of today#and reading glee fic#and looking at my currently abandoned fics#and having Thoughts™️ and headcanons and just...#special interest obsession shit#its calming and happy and sksgxkdk#also my reading brain is back which is SUCH a relief!#its been like 3 months of only being able to read a book in audiobook form#like my sister write this whol prophecy for our dnd campaign and i could not for the life of me understand it not matter how hard i tried#but last session i finally clicked#and im READING A PHYSICAL BOOK TOOOOOOOO#i just feel more settled because of it its nice#i think i really didnt like the weird weather the uk was having- it being HOT AS BALLS and then freezing like the next week#and then christmas and stress over bemefits happened#but now yhats mostly set... i think.. ish... its still confusing and scary#but ay least i have words i can read to escape it#katy liveblogs life#i am using tumblr like a diary rn ignore me 😂
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actually i think one of the things in outsiders that really fucked me up was one of owen's turns of phrase
when magic tricks him and goes into the maze alone, only surviving because he figures out what happened quick enough to follow & rescue her, he tells her that he's never going to stop coming after her (to make sure she's safe, to protect her)
and then after owen's gotten his memories back, he tells apo that he's never going to stop coming after him (to hunt him down, to kill him)
#i am never going to be normal about phrases being repeated with a different meaning#and i think this one especially fucks me up because it really hammers home the difference between owen at his core#(wanting to keep people safe. living to protect. loving his friends so so much hed do anything to keep them alive & happy)#and the person he became as a result of the trauma he experienced and the actions he took and life he led because if it#i think the real tragedy of this character lies in that we see who he couldve been!!! he was Good and he loved so much & tried so hard#but he lost his support system (mostly apo but also rasbi + graecie) and just. never quite learned to trust/rely on the others#because he believed what angel said- he can't show them weakness. theyre counting on him so he has to stay strong for them no matter what#i fully believe that if things had been different he could have overcome his past after remembering. if that support system had been built#i think he wouldve had a chance at least.#and thats the tragedy. he was so caught up in being their rock that they didnt know how to love him and he didnt know how to let them#after apo and angel he didnt let anyone in enough that they couldve changed his mind#so of course no one could save him. he would never have let them#anyway this smp fucked me up real bad. i think it did something to my brain pathways i think theyre realigned#pat.txt
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Did I miss "back from the war" recreation or is that not happening
OK so i've been meaning to address this for a while because it’s actually something i've been genuinely annoyed/sad/upset about; my original plan to recreate the post was to go to riot fest & have someone take pics of me during MCR live in person (caption wouldve been something like ‘when will mcr--omg they;re Back from the Warfdskns’ lol idk). i ended up 2nd row from the barrier & i was like OMG bc i didn’t expect to get so close & i was like ‘WOW these r gonna b such GR8 PICTURES!!i;m so lucky!!this is gENIUS!’ & so my plan was literally going according to/even better than planned right?? i mean the fact that i was ~a few feet away from the stage n was ~1.5hrs away from seeing mcr LIVE??? my plan was going along SUSPICIOUSLY well..everything was falling into place TOO perfectly...it was almost to good to be true right??? IT WAS. everything went to shit & my plan fell thru during the last band before MCR when my body suddenly fell victim to the effects of being crowd crushed for >7 hours straight; i experienced syncope & was pulled over the barrier & out of the pit by security.
sooooo, you didn’t ‘miss’ anything; the post was supposed to be recreated at the concert, but the universe pulled an uno-reverse on me when it remembered i’m on the universal ‘Do Not Ever Allow to Be Truly Happy’ list lol. i meant to post an update abt my failed plan afterwards, but tbh the actual event in itself made me wanna fr kms, and i felt even guiltier/worse for being unable to fulfill my promise to u all bc i fr planned on recreating it at the concert. 'ok but u were still at the concert after u got pulled out’ ok physically yes but mentally N-Ooo. due to the hypoxia (lack of blood blow/oxygen to the brain) i’d obtained secondary to being crowd crushed PLUS the psychological trauma of being removed against my living breathing dying will from the pit (btw the psychological trauma has nothing to do with being crowd-crushed but im not gonna get into that turmoil rn lol), i was stuck in an altered mental state for the remainder of the concert. i was dissociated for mcr’s entire set until i woke up the next morning & it took ~3-4 days for my body to fully recover from the physical trauma of being crowd crushed.
i still plan on recreating the post eventually, but tbh it’s not rlly my top priority atm bc 1) i still can’t come to terms w/ the fact i lost my 1 n only chance to experience MCR live & 2) imo seeing MCR live was the perfect opportunity to recreate the post & that clearly didn’t work out for me sooo now i have no idea how else i can top that idea :( .
#i have an idea but i’m not sure if it’ll work...imma need mcr 2 pull thru n meet me halfway on this 1 lol#anywyas i h8 talking abt riot fest i feel like every1 h8s me whining abt it too lol#i was so angry and upset with the world and myself. i really tried so hard to stay conscious;#ppl were asking if i was ok & i kept nodding yes because i didn’t want to be pulled out of the pit bc#then i’d lose my spot + my ONLY chance to see MCR live & so up close.#next thing i know i’m being pulled over the barrier by security and WHOOSH into dissociationville i go.#they were too much for my brain to handle so i’d just fall back even more into that weird dissociated state#i honestly would have preferred to not have even attended the concert. like HONESTLY 100% deadass i wish i didnt even go.#like imagine urself in my shoes lol i went from being 2nd row from the stage to like 70000 rows away.#yall dont understand how awful it is to have such a golden opportuntiy to be 1 hr n a few feet away from the band who saved u#to having it all ripped away from u in literally a matter of seconds#if i’d just stayed home my 12y/o little wouldn’t have had to experience the psychological trauma of having everything to having nothing.#my 15/16 year old teen wouldnt have had to re-live the experience of realizing there’s nothing left#in this world to comfort/protect/save her OR her childself#22 year old me realizing i failed them and all the other parts of me. i cant be happy i cant have shit in this world#i couldnt have my mom but at least i had mcr right??? nope lol that got ripped out of my fingertips too#i cant even begin to describe the emotional damage/psychological blow the situation had on me bc like#i cant even put it into words and i know nobody will truly understand/believe me when i say how heartbreaking & detrimental this#situation was for my already fucked up psyche. or they’ll think im exaggerating but its like u dont get it#ive lost so many things and people i spent my entire childhood/adolescence maladaptive daydreaming.#at age 12 mcr became my escapism for ~4yrs straight bc they were the only thing that made me happy#while all the other ppl in the real world in my day to day life were making me wanna kms everyday#like ik it sounds extreme/dramatic but ??? i mean i dont even fully understand my reaction tbh.#i think its just mcr used to be my happy place n then i get to see them live and its just an absolute nightmare#and the fact that i was dissociated from their concert when they used to be the only thing to keep me grounded to this earth???#truly i wish i didnt even go like i cant even listen to their music anymore without wanting to crawl out of my skin#when the only thing that made u feel alive made u feel deader than ever inside....yeahhhhh not fun!!#its a heartsinking feeling i hate it so much i wish i had a doever#mcr#when will mcr return from the war
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Okay, so I know the Twilight Princess manga is not considered canon, but there is one aspect of the comic that I find very interesting for Princess Zelda's characterization.
In the manga, she's the reincarnation of Ocarina of Time Zelda from the adult timeline where Link defeated Ganondorf at the age of 19, and then was sent back to the past to warn everyone about the Gerudo King. But Twilight Princess Zelda, despite being this reincarnation, lives in the child timeline.
So far, so good?
If you're confused and trying to track how exactly Twilight Princess Zelda is reincarnated from Ocarina of Time Zelda from the adult era despite being from an entirely different timeline, I vaguely recall that the manga says the Triforce of Wisdom allows Twilight Princess Zelda to remember her previous life. With that in mind, we can assume Triforce of Wisdom transcends time due to the virtue of wisdom being existent in past, present, and future.
Anyways, as I was saying. So Twilight Princess Zelda's past life is Ocarina of Time Princess Zelda from the adult timeline and she gains her past memories, thus synthesizing two Zeldas into one. For that reason, I'm going to refer to her as Twilight Princess / Ocarina of Time Adult timeline Zelda.
Now I don't know how far into the story Twilight Princess / Ocarina of Time Adult timeline Zelda remembers. But I can't stop thinking about how once she does, she is now primed for the realization that her child self (Ocarina of Time Zelda from the child timeline) fucked up. Even after learning what she could from an experienced Link, she fucked up so bad that she turned out to be in part, if not fully, responsible for the mass genocide/exodus of the Gerudo people.
And sure, we can argue that's not technically Twilight Princess / Ocarina of Time Adult timeline Zelda, because she never did that. Link had not yet fought Ganondorf to tell her what could happen, and she didn't possess the political influence to stop Ganondorf alone because she was still a child no adult felt like taking seriously.
But it was for that exact reason why she sent Link back. Notwithstanding the guilt she felt for stripping away Link's childhood innocence, she desperately desired to pass the wisdom she shared with Link in her adult years to her past self (the child timeline Ocarina of Time Zelda) so that she could have stopped Ganondorf from laying hand on the Triforce and trying to take over Hyrule under better circumstances.
But that's the fucked up part, isn't it? In the timeline Twilight Princess Zelda / Ocarina of Time Adult timeline Zelda is now living in, the child timeline, Ocarina of Time Zelda tried.
And she still failed.
#and now there is blood on her hands that she can't ever wash out no matter how hard she tries#because she indirectly did cause the genocide#and had ganondorf sent to the twilight realm where all the people who resented her ancestors went to when execution didn't work#AND IT DIDNT WORK BECAUSE SHE SENT LINK BACK WITH THE TRIFORCE OF COURAGE CAUSING THE SPLIT AND GIVING GAN THE TRIFORCE PIECE THAT SAVED HI#god i'm coming up#can you even blame her she didn't even know about all of that#so much for wisdom#also just... imagine dying in an era where ganondorf is six feet under and praying that your hero is doing well in his time#only to wake up to a shit show where your hero (oot link) is dead but ganondorf is alive.#girl at that point i really would have given up#AND SHE DID (gave up both kingdom and life force like rip queen the goddesses fucked you over)#twilight princess#tloz#the legend of zelda#ocarina of time#zelda#link#ganondorf
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having a "former gifted kid" type mental spiral
#i say this because the spiral is actually about how much i hate the word and the general culture around giftedness#mostly because its incredibly inconsistent between schools so people often mean different things when they say it#but also because in my specific case its certainly not a gift but like. what am i supposed to call it.#its literally a neurodivergence in my case that has had many effect postive and negative on my life. but its also a school club.#and its also nothing! before the advent of like modern standardized public education i wouldve just been a curious kid#Without modern public education im not sure i wouldve even been different from other kids. maybe a little socially awkward still but idk#and like. Am i really different from other kids? am I now as an adult different from my peers? Occasionally i will get told as such#how the fuck am i suppose to talk about how much being seperated from my peers and held to higher standards sucked#when the name of the reason why this happened might as well be 'gods specialist little boy'#none of the things that make people think im smarter are really all that useful day to day. and most non-gifted people are like. still smar#i happen to be good at memorizing the kind of facts schools test you on as children#but is that just because i was told as a kid to be good at school and so i tried hard to do that?#even if I am uniquely good at that#does that really make me more intelligent than the high school dropouts who can fix cars like its nothing?#in fact i would say they are at least wiser than me for picking something practical to be smart at#at my school being gifted usually implied you were a little neurodivergent and bad at socializing#often our gifted kids were actually failing classes because they were smart enough to realize they didnt matter#(not me but still)#but at some schools being gifted just means you were an avid reader or were pressured by your parents to maintain perfect As at all times#so if i say. wanted to talk about how being 'gifted' has often made some aspects of academia like hating emails and having time blindness#and not having a good friend network and having many unadressed issues around not really knowing how to make friends#if i wanted to talk about that. and i say 'I was gifted growing up and this sucked'#the person on the other end might hear 'oh woe is me im so smart and this makes my life so hard'#AND FURTHER STILL#on tumblr especially 'former gifted kid' has kindve become parlance for 'guy whining about nothing'#or even 'person who they were told was smart but is actually kinda dumb'#which... yeah! theres a reason many former gifted kids are like that! thats kindve my issue with the program in the first place!#it takes otherwise relatively normal if well achieving kids and tells them they are gods specialist little children.#THIS CANNOT BE HELPFUL TO ANYONE? like whatever chance the kids had at seeming normal has been stripped away#and they now also think they are the smartest person in the room in every situation
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You ever had a friendship where like you kind of faded out of each other's lives for a period of time and then re-bonded without ever really addressing the distance so now every time one of you mentions something you never told the other one during The Dark Time you both just have to be like "yeah, this massive thing that happened to me that we didn't talk about at the time but I totally wanted to tell you about but it felt like I couldn't talk to you but I'm also not gonna say it was your fault because I don't want to drive you away again but I know and you know exactly what it is we're not talking about"
#like. i dont blame her for what happened#she was going through a lot of bullshit and i was getting into my current relationship with our mutual friend#and the mutual friend in question it turns out had rejected her like a month and a half before asking me out#so like. things were weird and i dont blame her for not wanting to make a whole thing out of it#and i also get how it would be hard to see me like that with someone you had interest in#but also from my perspective at the time i started dating a boy i liked and my best friend just decided she couldnt be around me anymore#and even though i now have the full context and it doesnt hurt as badly theres still a part of me carrying resentment over it#ive stopped pretending this is relatable content and now im just using the tags on this post as my diary#like on the one hand i know this friendship is worth it because we're stronger than ever now#and shes gotten so much better about vulnerability and admitting i matter to her and communicating in general#but on the other hand it just keeps feeling like theres this elephant in the room that neither one of us has any idea how to address#and like i dont even know if it would be better if we did address it#like 'hey btw i know you had a crush on my now bf and tried to kiss him one time and then didnt tell me when he shrugged you off'#'i also know how much you tried to pretend it didnt hurt you but you distanced yourself from half your friends to avoid having to face it'#'and at the time it was rly frustrating because you acted like me being happy in a healthy relationship was a personal inconvenience to u'#'but i understand now and i forgive you and im glad you came back around eventually because i love you and i missed you'#or can all of those things just remain unsaid and understood
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#personal#its ridiculous how i was so depressed 2 days ago and then my partner was like. whay if i came over right now even though#its almost midnight. and what if i slept over at your house for 3 nights in a row. and now im sitting here having eaten breakfast for the#first time in like 4 weeks and feeling happy waiting for him to wake up so we can shower together and were#gonna go on a build-a-bear date and i no longer feel like i deserve to d*e with him here#hes just so sweet and i love him a lot and im really lucky to have him in my life <3 ive never been in a relationship where i felt this#safe and comfortable and accepted before and i know he hasnt either and its just nice#definitely helps that were both trans autistic queers with parental trauma so theres a lit about each other that we understand without#needing to explain it in depth#but also he really values communication and even thiigh im so used to shutting all my feelings off and not telling people about them#im trying really hard to not do that with him and its? nice not bottling everything up for once?#he really listens to me when i talk and tries to understand and respect my boundaries all the time and its realy nice to have that#ive been awful at establishing boundaries in past relationships and i didnt feel like my boundaries mattered to at least one ex so its#a nice change of pace to have someone go out of their way to make me feel reapected and valued like thay#and thats not even mentioning all the hot gay transgender sex we have because like. both being on t kind of makes that a necessity dhdjdjdj#its just nice having him in my life and feeling loved and cared for and getting to love and care for him back and im so lucky#that everything fell into place for us to date each other because i really dont know what id have done without him this past half a year#this is so long fhdjsjsjsj im just waoting for him to get up and feeling emotional about how much of a good influence he is in my life <333
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Damn I love my wife so much it might kill me
#dude when i have NOTHING#i never have nothing#because i always have T#she makes my life SO wonderful#and dont get me wrong; my wife is a goblin who i have actively had to teach how to love over the years 🤣#but shes perfect. everything about her i wouldnt change a hair on her head#also turns out i have a body worship kink and thats perfect for a girl who needs SO much love#only took me a decade and a half to figure that out 🤣#bro we've been together ALMOST 12 YEARS NOW#and been friends for 14 🤣❤️❤️❤️#fuck. its so hard to live yunno?#like weve both got ptsd and we've worked our way through so much bullshit#abuse the death of her father being outed at the funeral#running from wv together to start a new life in the city#yunno she wrote her vows months before. i couldnt. i knew no matter what i tried to say it wouldnt be enough#not until i was there. i didnt know i could love her more everyday but i do#yunno as a kid i told myself no one could ever love me#but i ended up marrying my high school sweetheart?#she left a boy for me 🤣#and that doesnt EVEN MATTER ANYMORE ITS BEEN A DECADE#sigh. im in a mood#just dropped her off at work and cuddled in the car shamelessly#its hard to even be away from her for 8 hours#and the craziest thing about it? she feels thw same way about me 🤣#ive been so sick for over a year now#but T's always there. even when she cant be there she is. and i feel that#last night as we were going to bed#i remembered something horrific#she needed to get up early... but she still talked me down for an hour until i fell asleep in her arms#i. am so fucking lucky
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damn i am, really missing my old cat. he was such a good boy. his name was tuzi, and he bit and licked me to show how much he loved me.
#tbd. / 🍁#ughjjj#i miss him a lot#i had to give him away#because my roommates cats didnt like him#and no matter how hard i tried#we couldnt introduce them
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today has been. hnngngnfhskakdhhhhhh so many weird feelings and not fun thoughts. things our mom said to us + going back to grandparents house was a weird combination. also the conversation we had with our mom had the exact Opposite effect of what she was intending i think because wow holy shit we feel so so fucking awful
#we know that she didnt intend to hurt us but. wow holy shit#also think that we thought about. if she did kick us out i feel like that would be negative for our sister in some ways?#like hypothetically if our mom didnt let us stay here and then much later our sister found out why#would that not make her much more hesitant to tell our mom if she was going through similar shit?#i also just dont see how it would currently be impacting our sister#we dont do anything when shes in the house. we dont let anything show until its healed#the only reason our mom saw was because it was hot as fuck and we were cleaning out our car so we wore shorts#we told her that it was much less frequent and she said it doesn’t matter because we’re still doing it#which is like. yeah its not great but we’ve made progress and it is very much an addiction for us at this point?#not exactly the easiest thing to just Fucking Stop. we have Tried#bfhdh and her saying that whatever we’re trying to do to get better ‘clearly isnt working’#mom!! mom please we are very mentally unwell and are trying our best!!!!#her talking to us about all that just completely blindsided us too. like huh what you’re saying all this now at once#hhhh and her saying we avoid serious conversations. i can understand why she said that but its still frustrating in a way#we dont want to not be good at handling serious situations and is something we are trying to figure out how to be better at#but its hard when we tend to just shut down whenever serious things do come up#it’s something weve talked to our therapist about and is very much a result of how our grandma treated us#we just. dont know how to overcome that. and we feel like if we dont magically resolve it immediately then we’re horrible#our therapist has told us that it will take a While for our brain to realize that we are not in danger#and that our trauma responses may last for Years even with actively working on improving them#however our thoughts always go ‘youre just using that as an excuse to be awful’#hhhhhhhhmeow#did not mean to rant in the tags this much if we had known we were gonna say all this we would’ve just put it in the main post lmao
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ISTG I wanna ramble on to somebody about ghost and pals but it'd all be gibberish :/
#...........................................................................................................................................#secret vent lol#idk why i get so mad at myself easily#like- id be patient and reassuring to other people#but to myself?#ha#my dad implemented all these expectations into my brain that i cant get over and beat myself up over#heres a list:#everything has to be perfect#i cant make any mistakes#if something bad happens its my own fault and i should fix it if not im a bad person#i should take care of others more than myself#if i dont make it i should just be better#if i cant find something quickly then im irresponsible#and if i cant live up to other peoples expectations then i should work herder#it never matters how hard i work#my arms could be falling off and he would just tell me “work harder”#and then a few things i got off him that he didnt like that contrasts with what i was taught#when arguing always be the loudest and biggest which isnt good because if i snap during a small argument it could get into a bigger fight#fucking violence do i even need to explain? he was violent so i became violent (sadly :c i dont wanna be like him)#inappropriate language he always cussed while yelling and i kinda adopted that#and manipulation i dont like doing it and sometimes i do it unwillingly and then i beat myself over it like;#“i should let them make their own decisions but i can't help it i probably shouldnt even be here in worse for them”#and then that leads to me cutting off contact with a bunch of people#i dont wanna be like my dad but i cant control it i really wanna be better ive been trying to get better#but i dont know how i can#this was how i was raised#i tried to change how i act to fit other people#ive made up a whole fake personality where i have a normal family and im always supportive and shit#that isnt me i wish it was but it isnt. im a terrible fucking person and i dont know why i even exist!!!
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im just like spongebob (employee of the month)
#trying to make a positive out of this <3 (guy who is handling this genuinely insanely and i mean that in the truest sense of the word)#i dont want it i keep telling people that and they keep reacting like im unwell or like its coming from a place of insecurity </3#i know what im capable of at my job! i dont need that validated! i do not care that much about my work unfortunately!#maybe ill be proud of it one day but as it is this feels like a fluke of offering to help the right people and pity#bc it IS a popularity contest and i dont want to win that. to be honest i dont know these people well and they do NOT know me#getting it just feels like a testament to how im killing myself for a job i hate because im too cowardly to leave#or to even just care a little less. ive tried to explain this to a few people and it has gone over like a sack full of concrete#which is even WORSE because i KNOW how intensely some of them want employee of the month and i was trying to#avoid telling them about it at all because i dont want it!!! they can have it!!! they dont need to hear what i feel about it (insulted)#because you would not believe this but telling someone who desperately wants employee of the month#that you don't want to receive it because it feels like a slap in the face does NOT GET RECEIVED WELL!!!!!#i dont wanna manage other peoples feelings about it im having enough trouble managing my own!!#i had to get called to a team huddle and lose time i couldnt afford to lose in my department that is still drowning incidentally#to be put on the spot and congratulated by people who dont know me and were confused by how miserable i looked#it was like a fucking nightmare!! i had to run out back and scream for a bit and cried so hard i strained my back#could barely stand for the rest of the day not that it mattered because i had no choice if i didnt want to completely fall behind#employee of the month. fuck. i never wanted to be recognized in the first place but if it feels like this then why would i want it!!!!
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demon slayer hcs: the hashira men as boyfriends
characters: tengen, sanemi, giyuu, rengoku, muichiro, obanai
AN: i don’t write for gyomei srry
TENGEN
- this isn’t just a little fling
-mans doesn’t wanna be ur bf
-he wants to be your HUSBAND
- and he’s gonna make that happen ASAP
- and when y’all get married you’re not just getting a husband
- ur getting 3 wives too
- it’s a package deal
- overprotective!!
- the way he made his wives promise to prioritize their lives over the mission
- my heart was bursting
- carries u around
- when tengen is around ur feet hardly ever touch the floor
- doesn’t matter how big or tall u are
- he’s bigger and taller
-he's big all over if ykyk
-nicknames include: sweetheart, princess, baby
- and don’t think he’s saying those to be cute
- he’s absolutely mocking you
-which brings me to…
- this man teases the HELL out of you
- but with love
- he loves you just as much as he loves his wives
- in his mind ur alrdy married
- and he is NOT letting you go
- or letting any harm come to you as long as he can help it
- 4 lifer fr
- id marry him
SANEMI
-i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again
-he’d tear it UP
-and i’d let him
- loves you so much
- doesn’t show it in public
- but in private?
- clingy as fUck
- he’s like ur shadow fr
- will follow u around all day
- hands on ur waist
- arm around ur shoulder
- holding ur hand
- he will not let go of u when ur alone
- in public he’s a lot less touchy
- but he will still stand near you
- jealous af
- every slayer knows by now to stay tf away from you or face the wrath of the wind pillar
- you belong to him
- makes sure they know it
- makes sure you know it
-hickey MASTER
-no i will not elaborate
- everybody knows sanemi is a little rough around the edges
- so there are days when it’s hard for him to open up to you
- but he does try
- he’s got a reputation to keep up!
-gotta act tough
-no weaknesses!!
- except for u
-he’s so soft for u he can’t help it
- nicknames: dumbass, idiot, & feather (my personal favorite)
-like i said he is almost always physically connected to u in some way when ur alone
-ignore him? he's throwing u over his shoulder
-he's strong he can manhandle u all over the place
-sheeeeeshhhhh manhandle me however u want sir
-claims ur super light no matter ur size
-hence the nickname "feather"
-i love him
GIYUU
-ik damn well this man had EVERONE in a chokehold from the first second he showed up
-speaking of chokeholds... ;)
-put me in one pls sir
-anyways
-awkward as fuck
-but he tries for u
-terrible with physical affection
-but we all know he's SOOO touch starved
-you'll have to initiate any type of physical touch
-and make sure he's not uncomfortable
-but really there's nothing he wants more than to touch you
-takes a very long time to say "i love you"
-but can u blame him??
-every good thing the poor man has ever had has been ripped away from him :(
-because of this he's veryyyy protective
-cause he'll be damned if the last person he has that accepts him and loves him for all he is
-is hurt or killed
-100% will die for u without a second thought
-not really a nickname type of guy
-remember he's awkward as hell
-most you'll get is a "-chan" attached to ur name
-and even that is only when y'all are alone
-but still
-even if he doesn't always show it
-you are always on his mind
-he's on a mission and walking through a market?
-he's buying you a hairpin or som
-walking through a forest and sees some flowers?
-"i wonder if she'll like these"
-AND HE'S PICKING U A BOUQUET
-ugh soft for bf giyuu
RENGOKU
-sunshine boy!!!
- epitome of golden retriever boyfriend
-all smiles all the time
-follows u around like lost puppy
-shows off for u
-yk when ur around kids and they're like "watch this" and then they jump and spin a circle lmao
-thats him
-"did you see what i just did?!"
-if u didnt...
-he's doing it again
-wants to impress you so bad
-also you will never have to lift a finger in his presence
-service bf!!
-you need the dishes washed and the floor swept?
-he's on it
-you need help styling ur hair?
-welcome to rengoku's hair salon
-will attempt to dress you in the morning
-and by dress you, i mean he's tugging ur shirt over ur head
-zipping up ur pants
-and tying ur shoes
-brags about you to anyone and everyone
-the other hashira can't have a single conversation with him without him bringing you up somehow
-compliments compliments compliments!!!
-he loves you and isn't afraid to show it
-nicknames from him: my love, my beautiful girl, sweetheart
-constantly confessing his love
-also lowkey speaks poetry for u
-some shit like
-"my light in the darkness, the one who gives me strength, you set my heart ablaze just by allowing me the privilege of seeing your smile"
-ugh he's the sweetest baby
MUICHIRO
-my airheaded angel baby
-i love him sm stop
-baby boy has a terrible memory
-that we alrdy knew
-but!
-he tries so hard for you
-keeps a little journal with notes and information about you
-so if he forgets he can remind himself over and over
-when he's on missions away from you he reads it so he can think about you to pass the time
-can not and will not remember anniversaries
-unless they're written in that journal
-will pick u flowers
-hope ur not allergic cause he's not gonna remember that
-but it's the thought that counts
-the fact that he's thinking about you at all counts
-you wanna go on a date?
-your dates consist of watching the clouds and taking naps together
-maybe a picnic if ur lucky
-no nicknames from him
-he calls you by your name
-its all he can remember
-he's the cutest
OBANAI
-like sanemi, he's a lot less affectionate in public
-however, he's not afraid to express his thoughts about you
-at least not to the other hashira
-might not be glued to your side
-but he's got eyes on u at all times
-and someone is talking about you?
-the second he hears ur name leave somebodies mouth
-he's tuned in
-and they better not say anything negative either
-mans turns murderous
-they will wake up to a snake in their bed
-will prob threaten them within an inch of their life
-don't have to worry abt other people while he's around
-cause he's got everything
-and i mean EVERYTHING taken care of
-protective but not pushy
-i feel like obanai trusts you and your ability to handle yourself
-but thats not gonna stop him from watching over you
-you're not drinking enough water?
-here comes obanai with a cup and u better drink it all
-haven't had lunch yet?
-he's sharing his with you. and will force feed u if need be.
-on a mission with him?
-he's not gonna push u behind him or anything
-but nothing is gonna get the chance to bring any harm to you either
-he's got ur back
-he's pretty vanilla with the nicknames
-nothing too crazy
-especially in public
-mostly uses ur first name
-might add a "-chan" in there every once in a while
-when ur alone he'll call you "sweetie"
-acts like a hard ass
-but he's soft for u
#demon slayer#anime#demon slayer x reader#kny x reader#kimetsu no yaiba x reader#giyuu x reader#obanai x reader#sanemi x reader#muichiro x reader#rengoku x reader#tengen x reader#tengen uzui#giyuu tomioka#obanai iguro#muichiro tokito#rengoku kyojuro
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Birthday...approacheth. strange feelings accompanying
#im still thinking about my little fling.#i feel really intensely about it still. the grief is occupying a large part of my brain atm and i know i cant just skip to being on about it#but it would be nice to!!!!#so im trying to look at it as a teaching miment for my self. boundaries good and important#i dont really regret my experience or my choices? im glad i realized that i made them and corrected it. im glad i even GET to move forward#cause a year ago i would have been so sucked into it#but now i was able to step back and realize what i needed!!#i think im still upset because i feel like i missed out on what could have been good#but only if she were genuine. she wasnt so it didnt. i tried so fucking hard man#i need to stop making excuses for her!! she was fucked up!! she fucked with my head and she is consistently mean and demanding!!!#but shes RIGHT THERE ALL THE TIME. thats the fucking downside of living in basically a commune all summer#you cannot get away from the drama no matter how hard you try because all our lives are soap operas up there!!!#i really liked her man. i really wanted shit to work out!!! to come out on top!! i thought that if i tried hard enough and really wanted it#i just. i thought i could make it work#its so fresh still. i need to let go#aliens can talk#vent#?
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