#(wanting to keep people safe. living to protect. loving his friends so so much hed do anything to keep them alive & happy) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mychemicalaromanticism · 4 years ago

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things ive already established r on this post

besties this got so fucking long but heres a giant ramble about cherri

okay so. there are huge differences betwn cherri as a hyperviolent drac hunter and cherri as a friend of the four and cherri as the girls mentor. with the first one he was 17 and desperate to distance himself from his upbringing so he went all in on Being A Killjoy. he was always one of the first ppl to rush into a fight and he fought hard. he blew up his fuckin hand with that attitude. and all the while he was just racking up more unaddressed trauma and eventually he ran away from that, too. giving himself radiation poisoning was more appealing than facing his problems.

so as a teenager/young adult hes kind of constantly in a panicked state. hes scared the people from his past are going to find him and drag him back with them. so he lashes out and he runs away over and over again.

i said in another post that he has some past life shit goin on which usually would give him a connection to the witch that manifests early in life, but with all the stuff hes gone through he has been Preoccupied. he can become oblivious to almost anything that doesnt apply to whatever hes focused on. not in a hyperfocus way its likeeeeee. when u live on survival mode during prolonged periods of stress. hes immune to magic bullshit bc hes too tired and scared.

anyways around his mid-20s he finally has a little more stability (as much as the average person living in the zones can have, that is) and he finally notices that Weird Stuff happens around him. basically: out of my list of Powers People Connected To The Witch Have he has the prophetic dreams/enhanced intuition as well as a form of sensing ghosts where he can see auras and kind of like, echoes of past events in ppls lives. that look like auras. itz complicated and not of utmost importance so im leaving it at that.

anyways thats what makes him start writing poetry. just 4 funsies he'll describe his weird experiences and embellish them to make em pretty. just as a casual hobby n all that.

he would forget fun ghoul in between the times they ran into each other but its pretty easy to be reminded of who fun ghoul is. the most insane 10 year old cherri has ever met. cherri isnt a brother figure to ghoul. hes just. his friend that happens to be more than twice his age. its whatever lmao

to cherri, ghoul is kinda like a stray animal he keeps seeing. which is hilarious. ghoul actually goes and finds him to introduce him to jet when they start running together, and cherri meets party and kobra (spark and birdie at the time) when he drives the four of them to a party. because he has a truck hell yeah. so now instead of one stray animal he has, like, a feral cat colony that he drives around occasionally. i have no real-life human relationship equivalent to them because irl if some guy that is not related to any of you and isnt even a childhood or family friend and theyre hanging out with you? they are usually not a safe person lmao. but this is my fantasy land and im too stubborn to change anyones birth years even though ghoul being born in 2004 makes everything really hard to make not creepy.

so yeah hes a casual somewhat friend of the fab four. hed probably get more and more concerned as they got famous. the beginnings of any sort of protective feelings, awww :) that sets him up for becoming the girls mentor.

OH FUCK. THE GIRL..... i think if i was in my late 20s and i heard that the gang of 13-17 year olds had adopted a 5 year old kid i would go bananas. what the fuck. it is a LONG while before cherri meets her. but he has the strongest affection for ghoul (if you could even call it that) and ghoul absolutely adores the girl and swings her around under her arms like a cat to show her off to cherri and its very endearing and the girl is sweet and funny so its easy to be around her. and (unfortunately) she is somewhat used to interacting with weird easily agitated people so she kinda gives him space. cherri isnt quite the uncle figure the fandom usually makes him (i luv uncle cherri sm but he simply cannot exist in the universe ive created, f), but hes a little similar.

and then the four had to go and pretend to die. lol.

when the girl was kidnapped, fucking everyone who knew her was ready to storm the city then and there. like regardless of how little you knew her, if you had ever met her you would fucking die for her. she is pure childish charisma and shes precious. i love the girl. so cherris immediately on board with whatever plan the four make to get her back. ive already talked abt how it fucked up the girl tho; there was no way to tell her that the four werent actually dead, she sees the building collapse and she shuts down. and cherri has to fight against his instinct to leave the radio station and never come back when he sees an eight year old girl sitting dissociated on the couch. that fucks everyone up.

i just realized i havent talked about literally anyone else at the radio station. i think cherri started lingering around the station bc it was safe and sheltered while also not being a popular spot. there are less kids there (people pass through but its not a hangout spot). he was kind of just hanging around to get away from the heat and noise and dr d took notice. because that man can see ur soul and no one knows if thats literal or not. so theyd chat a few times a day and show pony was the one 2 get him out of his shell a little and also was the first one he mentioned his poetry hobby to. im making this all up right now as im writing bc i dont know anything about LITERALLY any of the ppl associated w the radio like im not even going 2 try with chimp n newsie i do not have the willpower to tackle all that. justttt. cherri pony n D become bros and live 2gether there.

back 2 the regular timeline. the rescue mission happens in 2019. the girl lives at the station until 2023. during that time she is very much depressed and withdrawn and is only happy when the four come to visit. none of the Adults know how to help her so they just keep her safe and cared for and hope she'll open up to them.

she does not. she takes the weird cat thats been hanging around and she runs away.

cherri does not see her for three years. shes still worse for wear in the mental health department and he can see all kinds of visions of what shes been through since the last time he saw her and he fucking hates the ultra vs bc they remind him of his past. he does not want her going down that path but its obvious that she isnt crazy abt the ultraviolence thing either so thats a relief.

they have a kind of tense relationship throughout the comics. he feels like he failed her and that spirals into feeling like he failed the four for not being a good adult to them and fun ghoul for not helping enough when his commune was bombed and all kinds of shit and that irrational thinking mixed with plain old, yknow, caring about the girl, is what makes him take a bullet (laser. whatever) for her.

i was trying to figure out the timing of each of their ghost experiences, but i want both of them to talk to the witch and im just gonna make it like dreams where a whole buncha stuff happens but irl its been like seconds. so its like barely a second while the girl has her Witch Convo and cherri FINALLY gets a straight answer, yes there is weird shit going on with him having powers. he doesnt have any story-significant past lives because im lazy, hes just an old soul. like really fuckin old. the amount of latent life experience and stuff his soul/energy/whatever has picked up along the way makes him VERY noticeable to gods n stuff. he fuckin lights up all the alarms like what the FUCK is that over there. she wasnt rly able to get to him or even properly notice him while he was a kid and a young adult so shes happy to finally see him again. he has a STRONG sense of familiarity with her. they know each other on a wild ass level that he cant really comprehend.

welp thats some more lore I'll have 2 think abt. anywayz

post canon is when he and val get to have the most awkward spiderman meme moment of realizing that they have the same trauma SOOOOO thatz fun lol /s sorry kings i thought it would be fun to give u something fucked up to bond over <3

not much changes in his personality. he has a better understanding of Weird Magic and delights in freaking out the ultra vs but for the most part he returns to his life at the radio station. i love him

THIS GOT SO CRAZY LONG I DID NOT MEAN 2 GO THROUGH EVERY PART OF HIS LIFE LIKE SOME WEIRD CHARACTER STUDY but here we are. this is basically a first draft like almost all of this is subject to change but u gotta start somewhere. so heres my start i love this guy. its probably obvious but i have not read ANY twitterverse killjoys stuff </3 maybe i will someday idk

#cat talks #lore #ok2rb but what a mess this post is

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natashaashleymarvelromanoff · 5 years ago

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ISGYB - One-Shots

This is a follow-up story of one-shots based around my previous story 'I'm So Glad You're Back'. which I will link in below, these one-shots can be read separately but you may also appreciate the story behind them.

‘I’m So Glad You’re Back’

This story will include one-shots of the lives of Natasha and Steve before they were together, after, during the snap and after they brought everyone back.

Also, check out my new masterlist of one-shots based in this same universe!! ---> Oneshot masterlist

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5 times steve thought about proposing and the 1 time he did.

1 year after the accords.

The rain falls softly against the little window of the motel they've been staying in for the past few days. The darkness outside soaking up the dim light from the lamp sitting next to steve, making the droplets on the window disappear. If it wasn't for the sound of pitter-patter against the glass you wouldn't even tell it had rained.

The blonde, who had been sat up in bed for over an hour now was carefully pressing his pencil in soft strokes over a page in the back of the small notebook he had now turned into a little book of sketches instead. Next to him laid the woman he loved, lost in sleep for the first time in days. Natasha is laid on the right side of the small double bed on her left side facing him, her left hand under her head and the right splayed out next to her face.

Now and then steve would look up from his little sketchbook and steal a stare at the spy that stole his heart. But the time he spent in-between those glances, steve drew. And it was as if he drew without realising what it was he was drawing until he was finished and lifted his head from the angle of looking down and looked upon the pencil markings on the page.

It was a ring.

Steve drew a ring. And not just any, from the depth of his memory steve had drawn a ring that looked exactly like the one his mother wore. 3 diamonds all next to each other, the middle one bigger than the other two and encased in a silver band with little markings and detail surrounding them.

Taking in the sight of the drawing, steve also took in a deep breath. His eyes never leaving the paper until he heard a sound to the right of him. Natasha had moved slightly in her sleep, causing her to roll over onto her back. For a second, steve let himself think of seeing this every morning for the rest of his life. Falling asleep and waking up next to Natasha every day and night.

He imagines what it would be like to marry her. To see a ring that means so much to him on her finger, forever binding them together. Steve knew there was no one else for him. It had always been her. And it always will be. And now that they were finally together after years of bad timing he couldn't stomach the thought of being apart from her ever again. But he wouldn't ask her. Not this soon. Officially they had only been together for nearly 3 months. The accords and the berlin fight nearly a whole year ago now. He didn't know how long they would be on the run for or if they would even stop but he knew that one day he would ask. But now wasn't the right time for either of them. It had only been 3 months and steve knew if he did ask it would scare her.

So with one last glance at the page, steve ran his thumb over the page and closed the book, leaning over the edge of the bed to slip it back into his go-bag next to the bed. Once sitting upright again, steve twisted his torso and reached over for the dim lamp stood on his bedside table and turned it off, the room fully being immersed into darkness with the sound of rain slowly lightening up.

Shifting his body down the bed, steve stopped once his head finally met the pillow and he carefully manoeuvred the duvet over him properly. But then another whimper came from Natasha's lips, her head turning slightly as she tossed in bed. Steve knew by now that the small whimpers and sound she made, the little movements were nothing like when she had her bad nightmares, just bad memories or thoughts that showed up in her sleep. So steve pushed himself closer to Natasha, lying himself on his side and he curled up against her, his left arm slowly snaked under her head cushioning her with himself and his right arm rested on her side, curling all the way around until his hand is over her stomach, pulling her closer to him until her back meets his front. Once he's closed the distance between them, his spy now safely nestled in his embrace, the little whimpers and movements become slower and quieter, slowly disappearing from her dreams. Once satisfied with his efforts to calm her in her sleep, steve rests his head behind her, the smell of her hair in his nostrils as he finally succumbs to sleep, holding the love of his life in arms and imagining what it would be like to marry Natasha and spend the rest of their lives together and hoping one day, maybe he could get the ring he drew made for her, so she could keep it forever.

2.1 year together.

It's weird to think it has been a whole year since they ended up together. They didn't spend it like how other couples did. Instead, they had been on the run from the government and in hiding from 117 countries. But that small set back didn't stop them. And it certainly made sam even happier to have his 2 best friends end up together too, not only because he had been rooting for them since the start but also because he's been able to have his own bed for the entire year now instead of swapping in and out with steve for who had to sleep on the couch or even having to share the bed with the super-soldier sometimes.

And coincidently, the same night as their 1st anniversary also happened to end up on a day that they didn't have to do anything but relax. Most of the time they had leads or missions that need to be taken care of but tonight was one of the rare ones where they could do whatever they wanted. And in the light of their anniversary, sam suggested they all go out for drinks to celebrate. Steve was a little hesitant at first, still wary of being caught or seen but was soon convinced by his best friend and girlfriend who were extremely excited by the idea of a night of letting go.

So in a little town inside of Mexico, the three former avengers got ready and found a busy bar, well it was more of a club, but nat and sam knew if they told steve it was a club then he probably wouldn't have gone. But if they were gonna spend time having some fun and not get caught, being surrounded by drunk people dancing was better than a quiet bar.

After a few hours and quite a few drinks, or more than quite a few in sams case, the three headed out to the dance floor, steve was awkward at first, not really knowing how to dance in the way everyone around him was, hell, he had only ever danced with Natasha to slow music like how they did in his day. This was something entirely new to him even if he had been out of the ice for 7 years already. But Natasha was right there for him, smirking at him as she dragged him by his arm closer to her until they were touching chest to chest. She pulled on his arm again, pulling him down slightly until their faces were now touching each other, their lips gently going over each other, barely touching as she teased him. Then, teasing him, even more, she quickly away from him and lifted both her arms to wrap them around his neck. His own hands instinctively placing on her hips as she started to sway them.

She didn't push for him to dance too wildly, even just in a club with drunk people surrounding them whilst swaying was making him blush to his ears already. But despite the blush colouring him pink, the dozens of young adults all crammed together, smelling of sweat and alcohol as they danced to the hideous rave music, All it took was one look at the woman in his arms and all that went away. The music blurred in his ears and the people around them disappeared from his view.

Natasha was all he could see. Her eyes were closed as she listened to the music and let it carry her away fro a few minutes. Pretending like she had nothing to worry about or nothing to do the day after, steve could feel her grip around his shoulders and neck and she held onto him, enjoying the feeling of letting go for once. As he gazed upon her face, he couldn't help but just remind himself of the little drawing he had made 9 months earlier when he had been sat in bed with Natasha at his side asleep.

It had been a while since hed looked at the sketch. But it was in moments like this when he would get totally lost in Natasha that he was reminded of it. If it wasn't for the fact they were in the middle of a club and it smelled like Bio and vodka he would have dropped to his knees right there and then and asked her to marry him in an instant. But she deserved better. And if his mother was keeping an eye on him from the grave she’d probably haunt him for the rest of his life for proposing to his girlfriend in such circumstances. So steve pushed the idea from his mind for now. Just allowing himself to get lost like her. In the music, the dancing, her.

3.2 months before the Snap.

It should have been a routine mission like they always were. Well, as routine as being on the run and running illegal missions could be. They were over in Belarus following a lead on some chitauri weapons that had been stolen back in 2012 when they were ambushed. The three avengers had not realised that the arms dealers trying to sell them had known they were coming. So the mission went south, really south. Amidst the fight between the dealers and the trio, one of the alien weapons had been fired, aimed at the ceiling blowing a huge hole into the metal and rock, causing the roof to cave in. the three all ran out of the way and into the corners of the room to find some protection from the falling debris of concrete. But for one of the Avengers, they didn't make it out of the way in time. As the roof fell in, the slabs of rock were falling to fast for Natasha to dodge and run to safety. And eventually, one large piece landed right in front of her, causing her to jump and fall back into another piece of stone just as more debris fell right on top of her, piercing through her lower abdomen and trapping her leg. The blonde let out a cry from the pain. Alerting her teammates to where she was.

Once the building had stopped falling apart, steve and sam finished off knocking out the remaining dealers and buyers if they weren't already dead from the collapse and then went to dig out Natasha. They found her in the far corner of the warehouse, her whimpers and screams allowing them o find her. Steve rushed as fast as he could towards where his girlfriends were pinned. Quickly lifting tons of stone and rock with ease, relieving the pressure from her leg and stomach, but the piece that had ripped through her skin was still impaled. After removing the weight, the blonde man reached over for Natasha, his hand caressing her cheek and he pulled her face towards his direction to make sure she was okay. Natasha could barely keep conscious at this point, her eyes kept opening and closing until they were shut completely, the weigh of trying to keep them open dragging them down. Steve beckoned for sam to go get the quinjet ready and bring it closer for them. They had kept it a few blocks away but close enough to get to once the fight was over, but since sam had his wings he would get there in no time at all so he could bring it back as fast as he could.

As the lovers waited for the jet, steve kept his hand pressed against her stomach, applying as much pressure as he could to the wound, where the concrete shred was still stuck in and also talking to her to try and keep her awake. But it was no use, she was already falling into unconsciousness. Sam soon returned with the jet and helped steve get her inside, leaving it on autopilot as they flew to a place they knew would help her and make sure she would get better. Whilst in the jet, they managed to get the shard out but were unsure if any had broken off inside so the two men tried to keep her as stable as possible until they reached Wakanda.

….

Its been a few hours since they reached the African country of Wakanda. King T'Challa welcomed them with no problem and had already had his sister and the doctors prep to help with Natasha once they arrived. Even with their technology and medical advancements, they still didn't let steve into the room as they worked on her, so instead he waited outside, the procedure hadn't been that long anyway. They had stopped the wound from bleeding and get any last bits of concrete that had broken and sealed up the wound, then pumped her with fluids and healing agent that would regenerate the cells to repair the scar tissue in her body so she wouldn't even be left with a mark after it had healed. It was miraculous what the Wakandan’s could do and how much they were willing to help.

Once they had finished patching her up, the doctors let him inside, she was laid on the bed in a white gown, with just a pillow beneath her head and a thin blanket on top to keep her covered. It wouldn't be long until she woke but it made her comfortable until then.

Seeing her lying on the bed, her hair splayed out on the pillow, knowing that the reason she was asleep was that she was injured made steves heartache. He knew he shouldn't think of the ‘what ifs’, not when she was absolutely fine, but he couldn't help himself.

He imagined what would have happened if they didn't have T'Challa on their side. That Natasha could have possibly died without the proper medical treatment she needed. Himself and sam could only do so much. He wished they should have double-checked all their intel before going in with riad, god, he couldn't even think about how he would cope if he ever lost her, he'd be devastated, probably turn himself in to the government and just let them have him. but he knew he couldn't take it back. But at this moment, watching her breath in her sleep relaxed him a little, knowing she was fine. She was safe. And she wouldn't feel a thing when she woke up.

Reaching over to her face with his hand, steve gently moves his hand to the side of her face to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. His blue eyes scanned over her face one more time before a sudden thought enters his mind once again. That drawing. She still hadn't found it, but he'd never shown her much of his sketchbook anyway. But it crept up in the back of his mind, especially in moments like this. The thought of asking came to him whilst he watched her, she would wake up and he could just blurt it out. He'd known since they were even together that there was no one else for him. But even if it had been over a year, he didn't quite know if she would be ready for him to ask.

So he decided not too and pushed it into his mind once again. One day hell ask, but it has to be the right moment.

4.1 month before the snap.

This felt familiar.

Lying in bed, in a low star motel, holding the woman he loved in his arms after a few rounds of sex.

In fact, this felt even more familiar, since as he held the blonde Russian all he could think about was marrying her. It had been almost a year since he drew that little sketch in the back of his tattered book. And the idea of asking her was getting stronger by the day.

After their last round of sex, the two curled up in each other embrace and talked their way to sleep, talking about anything and everything that entered their mind in that moment. For Natasha, she was too exhausted to stay awake as long as him and fell asleep not too long ago with his arms wrapped around her back as she laid on top of him with her head on his chest. But Steve, he didn't mind. He got to lay in bed, holding a beautiful woman close to him who he loved. He wouldn't dare move. Natasha was completely out of it and finally relaxed after a few nights of watching their 6.

Turning his head downwards, his eyes landed upon a pile of blonde hair on his chest and a face that it belonged to. She looked perfect. So calm. Like she had no worries in the world. Like it was just the two of them and no one else.

Then steve starts to think about if they lead a normal life. If they had a normal life they could fall asleep like this all the time, they wouldn't have to run every day with the fear of getting caught and thrown in jail. He could see her beautiful face on his chest every day before carefully leaving her in bed whilst he made her breakfast to bring up for her. He could call her his wife. He could get used to calling her that. She would be his wife and him, her husband. He would finally be someone's husband. And not just anybody but Natasha Romanoff's. They would officially be each other’s . He lets his thoughts consume his mind until he finally falls asleep himself. But his last thought before he does is that he doesn't know how or when but he needs to ask her soon. Whether it be next week or a few days. He's going to ask her. But he needs to find the right moment.

5.When Natasha tells him she's pregnant.

He was an idiot. A big idiot. Here Natasha was trying to tell him she was pregnant and he thought she meant she wanted to expand the house. Yeah, he's an idiot.

“You’re pregnant? You're really pregnant?” he breath catches in his throat, the full weight of his words caught up to him as he realises what he's actually asking her. And then she nods.

Steve breathes out a laugh, practically in shock he picks her up at her sides and swings her around in a circle, hugging her close. The redhead laughs at the sudden movement and when he finally puts her down, he kneels on both knees and pulls her closer at her hips, instantly reaching for her shirt to pull it up slightly so he can see her bare stomach. There wasn't anything there and he knew there wouldn't be a bump for a couple more months but just knowing that right now, a baby was growing inside there made him almost pass out.

As he holds her in his hands, steve leans in to kiss her bare skin, just below her belly button. He can feel her fingers start to run through his hair as he does. Once he pulls back he tilts his head back to look up the love of his life. His partner, his spy, the woman who one day would be his wife and all he could do was marvel at her.

Steve was literally consumed in awe at the woman before him, he always had been. Ever since the moment, he had boosted her of his shield to catch a ride on one of the chitauri's ships all those years ago.

She was amazing. And had given him everything he thought he never even wanted or could even have.

And then, once again, a thought came to his mind. He had just said she would one day be his wife. The drawing. He hadn't seen it since he's been back. Hed almost forgot about it actually. That small drawing of a ring he had sketched so many years ago.

There was no doubt about it. He needed to ask. But not now. If he asked now, he felt like it would seem like its just because she's pregnant. She deserved better than that. But this was the final push he needed. He already knew he wanted to ask but this just gave him that extra inspiration to do so.

Looking back at her stomach he gave it another quick kiss before he whispered into her skin.

"I love you so much already.”

And so began the planning.

Plus 1 - The Proposal

It's been 4 months since Natasha told him she was pregnant. 4months of ideas and plans to propose, all that would fall short or weren't good enough for him or even the wrong timing. But that was kind of their thing. He needed it to be perfect but he couldn't find the right way.

….

To make things simple. A few days after Natasha had told him she was pregnant, he took James over to tony's to see morgan, but whilst he was there he asked tony to help him. He needed to find a ring maker, to make the exact ring he wanted. And he needed the best. He would laugh at himself when he catches himself thinking.

‘Only the best for my girl’

Tony was more than happy to help, of course, tony had jokingly poked at the new sketch he had made of his mother's ring since it wasn't as extravagant as tony would have picked, but steve quickly gave his explanation about the ring and how it would be a replica of his mothers. Sarah rogers had been buried with her ring since steve hadn't been able to find out what she wanted to do with it when she died.

But he somehow knew that if his mother was here, or even watching him right now that she would want him to give it to Natasha.

Leaving the sketch with tony, he let the genius handle the arrangements for the ring, which thankfully hadn't been too long. About a month later Once it was done, the soldier took his son over to Tonys once again to get the ring. And it was beautiful, even tony had admitted it was amazing, even for his ‘over the top’ tastes. When hed first glanced at it, steve had stopped breathing for a second. It looked exactly like his moms, it was too breathtaking to describe with words. Natasha would love it. It was just enough.

……

Its a bit chilly on the mid-December night. Even with the heating running through the house, the two avengers still lie close up against one another, soaking up the warmth from each other.

They lied in their usual position of steve spooning Natasha from the back and he holds her to his chest and keeps his arm wrapped around her stomach, protecting their unborn child, she had just started to show last month and the bump was quickly getting bigger every day.

At around 2 am, steve is awakened with a poke. His eyes flutter open slightly in confusion, trying to figure out why he was being woken up. And then he feels it again. A little poke in his shoulder. Carefully pulling away from the redhead in his arms steve turned his head and torso around to see the figure stood at the side of the bed. It doesn't take him long to figure out its James in the darkness.

“Jamie? What are you doing up bud, are you okay?” his voice is a little horse from waking up in the middle of the night but he whispers as best he can.

“I had a nightmare daddy” James's little voice sounded shaky as he told his father what was wrong.

Steves eyebrows furrowed for a second at his son's words, immediately worrying about his son. Glancing back at Natasha asleep, he carefully pulled himself from out under her and swung his legs over the bed, gently picking James up at his sides and carrying him on his hips as he stands up.

“How about we get you a glass of warm milk huh? And you can tell me about your nightmare okay bud?”

James snuffles slightly into steves neck as his father carries him out of their room and downstairs but he nods as steves words.

Once the two boys reach the kitchen, steve sits the young boy on the counter then efforts manoeuvres around the kitchen to pour his son a glass of milk and warm it up for him. After it's done, he passes it to the little blonde and leans against the counter with his arms.

“You wanna tell me about your nightmare?”

“You and mommy died, because of Thanos and me and the baby were left alone and no one was there to save us. Everyone was gone.”

Steves heart almost broke at how sad his son looked. He could see the remnants of tears on his little lashes from where he's been upset. Pushing his arms up, steve stood up to his full height once again and took a few steps towards his sons so they were eye to eye.

“Oh Jamie, you are not alone. me and mom are not going anywhere, I promise you. Thanos is gone remember? We got rid of his ages ago. You don't have to worry about anything okay? We are never going to leave you or the baby.”

Steve could see in his son's eyes that James felt better already. And the enthusiastic nod that followed confirmed it. Talking the empty glass of milk, steve put it in the sink and picked up his son from the counter once again, holding his to his side. The glass of warm milk must have done the trick because it didn't take a few steps up the stairs before James had fallen flat to sleep against his shoulder. Steve let out a little laugh at the sight, feeling a slightly cold patch on his shoulder now from where James had drooled on him. Shaking his head with a smile, steve carefully tucked James back into his bed, kissed his forehead and left the room, quietly shutting the door.

Taking a few strides across the hall, steve ended right back at his and Natasha's room. It's still dark inside meaning Natasha hadn't woken up since he left, but as he got close to their bed, he could see that shed rolled over in her sleep, so she was on her back, comfortable in the middle of the bed. Her bump was sticking out, the pyjama top she was wearing, which was his by the way, curving around it so you could see it better. Her long hair was all over the pillows, the blonde and red flowing everywhere. She looked beautiful. He would never tire of this. Never.

As Steve pulled the cover to get back into the bed, he couldn't help but stare at the bump. A baby was growing in there. Their baby. The midwife and doctors had told them at their last appointment that their baby had just started to develop ears, and that they could actually hear both mom and dad and other noises. It had fascinated steve to no end. Even now, as he looked at the bump, he thought about talking to the baby again.

So not to disturb the redhead, steve shifted himself down the bed, until was laid on his stomach to the left of Natasha, just at the same height as the bump. For a few seconds, Steve lets his insecurities get the better of him. He's nervous. Really Nervous. Technically this is his first baby. Yes, he has James, his son. But he missed out on the first years of his life. He wasn't there to witness his first words or steps or even to change his diaper. He had no idea what he was supposed to do with a baby.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Steve opens his mouth, ready to talk the baby inside Natasha and gently takes his hand to place on top of her bump, careful not to startle or wake the redhead.

“Hey, there baby. I don't know what to say since I've never really talked to you before. But I guess I'm doing that right now aren't I? Your big brother Jamie had a nightmare tonight, about me and your mom. He was afraid he would lose us. I just want you to know, even though you probably have no idea what I'm saying right now since it's all mumbly to you and I probably sounds like an idiot. That I love you so much and so does your mom, we are never going anywhere and we'll never leave either of you. So when you're finally here, you gotta help James remember that, and I'm sure he'll help you too. Your both the most precious things in my life and I guess I'm just a little nervous, to be honest. I just wanna make sure you and James have the best life.” sighing the super-soldier dropped his head, letting himself release his thoughts to the baby. He needed this. Even just a small confession about his worries had made him feel like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

“Your such a good dad.”

Natasha soft voice startled him slightly, not having realised she had woken up when he had been talking to her bump. Lifting his head, blue eyes meet green in the dark. Natasha lifted her hand to his face, placing it on his bearded chin she moves her thumb back and forth stroking it and he looked at her lovingly.

She's woken up about halfway through his speech to the baby, she was quite amazed she didn't wake up when Jamie had come into their room, but instead, she woke up listening to the worries of her soldier as he held and spoke to their unborn child. She could get used to this, watching him as he spoke to the bump. After stroking his chin Natasha moved her hand to join his on her stomach, placing it on top of his own and threading their fingers together as they cradle it.

“You don't have to be nervous. You are amazing with James, I know you weren't here when he was a baby but ill soon get you changing diapers to make up for it.” she teased him, her mouth curling in the corner to smirk at him.

Steve lets out a quiet laugh at her jokes and replies.

“Gladly” he knew she was joking but he would do anything if she asked. Everything he didn't get to do with James he wanted to make up for with their baby, steve wanted to be there for everything.

“Don't worry Steve, you'll be amazing. I know it.” her calm words reassured him. Giving her one last smile, steve crawled his way up the bed, hoisting one arm over the top of her and the other hand on the other side, so he was hovering about her, his arms by the side of her.

Dipping his head down, steve captures her lips into a kiss, her soft lips melding against his own, like instinct for both of them. As he hovers above her he can just feel the swell of her stomach touching his own, Natasha's hands make their way to his face once again, cupping his cheeks and she kissed him.

After a few seconds, there's a thud. Only small and gentle. But it's there. Pulling away from the kiss, both Natasha and steve looked at each other with confusion and realisation.

The baby. The baby had just kicked for the first time.

“Was that-?” Steve asked.

Smiling at the excitement quickly spreading on his face and the feeling from inside her, Natasha gives him a nod.

“Yeah, I think it was.”

Quickly pushing himself off the top of Natasha, steve crawled down the bed between her legs, stopping once he was at the same level as her bump and placed his large hands over it, completely covering the surface, Natasha also sat herself up, her hands shooting to her stomach and placing them on top of steves to join him in feeling the small movements.

After a few seconds, it happens again. A small kick. Steves's eyes lit up, feeling his child kick for the first time. This was the first time he'd ever felt anything like this, it mesmerised him.

“Oh my god.” He's literally amazed. “That's our baby! Do you think she’ll do it again tomorrow? I can't wait for James to see this.”

“She huh? Don't worry I'm sure he will.”

“Oh no, this one's gonna be a girl I know it.”

And it's in this moment, right here, steve looks up from her stomach and at the woman he was in love with, who's looking down herself waiting to feel the kick of their unborn child once again. Steve decides its perfect. He spent months trying to plan a way to ask her, all of them not being good enough or not what she deserved. But he couldn't take it any longer.

Pushing himself away from Natasha on the bed, he jumps off and practically runs towards their bathroom, turning the light on while he's inside, letting some light into their bedroom. Natasha just sits waiting curiously as she watched steve runoff. But after a minute he's back, with one hand behind his back and his hair in disarray from rushing. He looks nervous, she can tell. But the hesitance in his eyes soon turns to confidence as he convinces himself to walk towards her.

As he takes each step he brings himself around her side of the bed, causing Natasha to follow him by turning herself so her legs are swinging off the side to face her soldier. The bump stopping her from leaning too far forward, making its presence known.

Once their face to face, steve falls to both his knees, bringing him to Natasha’s eye level

“Natasha. I love you. No, I'm in love with you. I love Jamie. I love this baby, I love our life. Everything we have, sometimes I just can't believe it's real.” his words cause her to smile. He always had a thing for romantic speeches but there was something different about this one.

“You're it for me. And I should hope you know that by now. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I want to be able to call you my wife.” green eyes widen ever so slightly.

Sitting on his knees in front of her as she sat on their bed, with only the bathroom as a source of light for her to see, steve pulls his arm from behind his back and reaches it out to her. Uncurling his hand she sees a little black box, a box that looks too small for his large hands.

Natasha's eyes flicker in recognition of what this little box means. She tried to keep her face from giving her away but she can't help the smile that makes its way to her face as she looks between steve and the little box.

“This isn't how I planned to do this but it just felt right and I'm sorry if I scared you or you think I'm pressuring you…” he's rambling at this point but Natasha doesn't care, leaning as forward as she could, Natasha grabs steve by his shirt and pulls him to her, capturing his lips into a kiss, and cutting his words off as he falls into a natural rhythm of kissing the woman he loved. Their lips dancing with each other like they had done this all their lives.

After a few moments, they both pulled away breathlessly, their foreheads leaning against one another as Natasha still grabs his shirt and steve holds the box.

“Yes.” quirking his lips up, steve teases her one last time.

“You didn't even let me ask.”

“Then ask soldier.”

Correcting his posture properly, steve straightens his back and pulls one knee up to recreate the iconic pose, like tradition. He then pulls out his hand once again, this time opening the box so Natasha could finally see what the box held inside and he takes a deep breath.

“Natasha Romanoff. You are my life. I can say with all my being that you're my soulmate.”

And then came those famous 4 words. The 4 words he'd thought about saying for years. 4 words that if accepted would make her his for the rest of their lives.

“Will you marry me?”

“Yes, you idiot.”

Instantly springing up from his kneeling position, steve leans over and kisses her. Their lips meeting in a passionate embrace as they pour their emotions out into the kiss. But then he pulls away, remembering the box in his hand. Looking down he pulls the ring out of the box as his eyes start to get wetter with his emotions and hold it between his fingers, ready to put the small silver ring on her finger as she holds her hand to him. Sliding the ring onto her, her eyes glisten over as she takes in the sight.

“Steve, It's beautiful.”

“Its a replica of my moms, every time I thought about asking you, it was always this ring I imagined on your finger.”

Natasha is taken aback slightly at his confession, both the fact that it had been specially made for her to look like his mothers and that he's been thinking about asking her for years.

Steve can see the shock on her face and quickly speaks to reassure her.

“Hey, my mother would be so proud and happy to know you are the woman I'm spending the rest of my life with and she’d be even prouder that you're wearing her ring.”

Tears now dropped from her eyes making streaks on her cheeks at his words.

“I love you so much,” she tells him. The only words she can release at the moment. She's too taken away to tell him anything else but is all he needs to hear.

“I love you too Natasha”

#i'm so glad you're back #romanogers #natasha romanoff #Steve Rogers #james rogers #The Avengers #endgame #infinity war #oneshots #captain america #Black Widow

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plushievash · 5 years ago

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how did leo/alexei happen? give us lore!

so for a long while they both had crushes on each other but alexei is stupid and leo suffered from internalized homophobia believing hes not meant for relationships no matter how much he wanted one with someone he would never pursue it bc he thought he would be a burden/nobody sees him that way/he is repulsive;; alexei just admired leo too much and thought leo was out of his league and that hed never love someone like him and also bc hes alexei and is just like * has severe paranoia and also no social skills *

dasha saw the Signs™ tho bc hes like love is in the air….and i will find out where its coming from and then. he suffered watching these 2 dumbasses for 2 almost 3 years dance around each other and their feelings while nobody else believed him that hey…..looks like somethins goin on between alexei and leo…u ever notice how leo takes any chance to touch him? u ever notice the way alexei immediately becomes more interactive when leo comes along? yes i know leo is clingy yes i know alexei is improving socially just like. Look its Right in Front of You.

but anyways went like that for the longest time where both of them kind of planned to make their feelings known but could never work up the courage to follow through with it. and alexei got with lucien to try to forget abt leo bc he “knew” he ‘had no chance’ and leo just [roblox OOF] and as usual * focuses on work at a dangerous level and does stupid stuff *

which ends up with a mix up and confusion where leo is missing and puts everyone in a panic and miko catches a guy named nikostratos and ooh ooough oh hes so mad hes so ohguh hes so angry that hes mad. and without thinking and following standard procedure does some things and is 8D to find out uh oh! just gave my brother the familys awful itchy scratchy disease! fuck! time to go kms i guess!

and masha is big mad at everyone so shes just like leo and miko are banned from work and if they even attempt it they wont bc theyd cross me and nobody crosses me. and then alexei is put on watch to make sure leo doesnt try to sneak away and work on his own anyways and to nobodys surprise, he does try. instead of sending one of his people alexei personally confronts him and persuades him to go back home. to which leo asks alexei to stay with him and he does…slowly leo starts to ease up again as alexei stays with him and basically lives with him/stella/the twins for a short while as hes stationed to by masha

eventually after a while of watching both miko and leo masha is satisfied enough with their recoveries and allows them back to their jobs calling alexei off since they no longer need to be supervised. but alexei again * is extremely paranoid and well meaning but also awful * so he keeps his people watching leo from a distance just to be sure hes safe; as he does with maxim and miko (the only difference is that maxim and miko Know he does that and asked him to do that; leo didnt.) oh yeah somewhere sprinkled in around that time alexei split with lucien cause he just. wasnt happy it wasnt working. i dont remember where exactly in all this mess it happened LMAO u might wanna ask my boyed friend abt that since alexei is his

so anyways after a while of being back to work leo notices hes still being followed and slowly gets paranoid and irritable. he ends up doing rash things that could end up getting him killed just to get the attention of the people following him to see if hes “just being paranoid” or if hes really being followed still despite masha allowing him to return to work. eventually after the 3rd time instead of sending someone to intervene alexei himself shows up and leo is Angry and hurt tells alexei to call off his people cause if he ever sees them again he wont hesitate to kill them and so alexei does cause he does care abt his people he doesnt try to defend himself or anything it finally hits him that he just “oh hmm. ok yeah that was kinda fucked up. uh oh i fucked up. this is bad”

and leos whole attitude began to shift instead of his usual generally polite and very easy attitude ready to make friends with anyone he became guarded irritable and quiet and he lost the soft tone in his voice. eventually even with his favourite most important people around him (stella/felix/miko) hes just too paranoid sick to his stomach and angry to stay where he is. so he says hes going to take a vacation and instead moves down to work at the other facilities as a lower agent domenico carlevaro; he doesnt alter his appearance too much aside from dyeing his hair and changing his general fashion style. the only person he allows to come down and see him is mikolaj but he says if felix or stella ever asked him he is allowed to tell them they can see him but no one else. not maxim or dasha or alcides not the twins. he cant stand to see anyone else. miko regularly visits him but has to ask each time since leo doesnt stay in 1 place for too long. eventually leos anger just makes him even more reckless causing him to break his prosthetic; so he has to return to apologize to dasha and ask for a new one.

there he finds out alexei has disappeared and immediately he just feels a twist in his stomach bc he wanted to be angry and pretend that hes over it and he doesnt care about him anymore but he still does so after he gets his new arm despite maxims protests he insists that he will assist maxim in the search. miko reports that alexei was last seen injured being carried away by a woman from some abandoned facility and so everyone is like ok fuck! who is that! is he already dead! or what the fuck! goddamn it! eventually maxim and leo manage to find where alexei is hiding running into one of his people; daria who is a tracker and not really experienced in protection. she… doesnt know how to properly use a gun. shenanigans happen bc daria is sweet and maxim and leo are not mean then leo sees alexei and boy ! he is FUCKED UP. alexei looks like hes str8 up dying (cause he is!) hes extremely weak and has to use a cane to walk hes got bloody bandages all over and his arm in a sling and later leo and maxim see that arm has a huge ass bite taken out of it and maxim is just 8D…im a good doctor but im not That good a doctor what the fuck is this. and calls marina down to see if they know what this is

marina does and identifies it as a kaprinka bite (ask my boyed friend what a kaprinka is) and that all cases theyve been in charge of nobody has survived but theyll do what they can to try to fix it. maxim and leo decide to take shifts to always be in the room with alexei in case anything goes wrong like his condition suddenly gets even worse and they need to call marina or an attempt on his life happens. so the first night while leo is in charge of watching alexei they start to talk and leo isnt angry anymore and instead is just…Really really sad and admits how hes felt and how he knows that he doesnt have to; he shouldnt; and he Doesnt forgive him for what he did but hes willing to push that aside to at least go back to the way they were. and alexei admits how hes felt and apologizes for everything and how he “probably got himself killed” and theyre both just mmmm feels bad toddbut after that it gives alexei the push to keep on living and alexei does Stupid Stuff which is really stupid but! it helps and he manages to bring back the kaprinka for marina to see what they can do to help him since they said that theyve only ever seen kaprinka that were already dead and not usable for testing it takes months and some big rollercoaster ups and downs w/ alexeis progress but he makes it and recovers but continues to stay in hiding til he gains his full strength back and during that time someone is sent to kill him and leo and maxim stop the guy and then stuff happens and alexei is big mad and blah blah and stuff and then after thats taken care of and his recovery is full they all return and leo helps alexei/artyom/daria in their search for what originally caused the whole situation alexei got in

and so basically from the day they found him theyve been dating Finally but never like fully established it but its very clear now so everyone knows and dasha is rubbing it in everyones faces and miko and felix are dying and they just Cant understand.

also a quick note: theres 2 darias…i have a daria who is just a cute crafts girl with rainbow hair but thats not the daria in this situation…the daria in that situation is my boyfriends oc who is a motorcycle racer and tracker for alexei but they are both equally cute and good

#assk #ocs #leonardo #okej so that was rly long and i skipped out on like a Lot of parts #but i think i got the main stuff out of the way #currently? alexei and leo are happy and often spend time at each others for weeks at a time #and they both gave each other the sappiest christmas presents....#theyre good i swear #Anonymous

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vfdbaudelairefile13 · 5 years ago

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Misery Loves Company- A Violet Snicket AU

Meet Lemony Snicket.

Lemony Snicket was a prominent VFD agent in his youth. Alongside his then fiance, Beatrice Baudelaire, he and a few other members of his organization made decisions that would forever rip their secret organization in two. At the time, Lemony hadn't thought a simple sugar bowl and box of poison darts would cause so much chaos. But it had.

The schism was a big reason as to why Beatrice and their daughter, Violet, were separated. Lemony, who had to go on the run for a list of different reasons, was asked by Beatrice; someone who had yet to leave VFD and at the time, it seemed she would never leave, to watch their infant daughter. But since he was on the run, he had to leave where he lived almost immediately after Beatrice leaving Violet with him. He tried looking for her but ultimately gave up deciding to raise the young girl himself.

He spent the next thirteen years keeping himself and Violet safe from old enemies and VFD itself. But after hearing about the death of Beatrice and her husband, Lemony rejoins VFD in an attempt to help Beatrice's other children, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire, defeat a wicked Count Olaf. This act unfortunately leads to his untimely end but not before leaving Violet with a head full of mysteries and unanswered questions.

《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." That's all that went through Lemony's mind as he raced from the lumbermill to his home. This is bad. This was entirely bad.

His most recent attempt to help Beatrice's two other children had failed disastrously. Well, not entirely. They were safe, most likely being sent off to a new guardian right now but his identity had been compromised. Olaf had saw him. Olaf now knew he was alive.

Still being in the middle of the Baudelaire fire investigation, Lemony wasnt sure if Olaf, himself, had started that fire...but he did know Olaf had no issues with committing a murder...or two. He quickly thought of Violet and how much danger he has put her in...again. Hot tears started falling from his face.

He didnt mean to put her in danger. He was only trying to do good. He was only trying to help Beatrice's kids. A small part of him believes he should have just left them alone...they were resourceful children, they wouldve figured it out. He should have put VIOLET first. But a bigger part of him, knew that that was just his fear and guilt talking. This wasnt Klaus or Sunny's fault. This wasnt even Beatrice's fault. This was HIS. It wasnt because he had decided to help the Baudelaire children, no it was his fault when he convinced Beatrice to help him steal a damn sugar bowl. It was his fault when he went along with Beatrice and Bertrand's plan to...to...

"God dammit!" He yelled punching the steering wheel. He was racing home. He couldnt think of such unpleasantness right now. He had to get Violet out of danger. If Olaf now knows he's alive...he needed to take his daughter and run. He felt bad for Klaus and Sunny, but he had to put his daughter first. Part of him wishes he had grabbed them and taken them along. Maybe after explaining things, Klaus wouldnt fight as much. They did have that nice heart to heart on Lake Lachrymose. He thought of turning around and heading back towards the mill, but ultimately decided against it.

Violet had to be his main priority. HIS child. He will worry about the other two kids later. Right now, he knew Olaf would come after him.

Maybe he could call someone to come take Violet until he can fake his death again. But who? Everyone in the organization thought he was dead.

His mind began to race. Kit? No...she thinks I'm dead. Jacques? Fuck. He thinks I'm dead too. Monty and Josephine are both dead themselves. Larry and Jacquelyn would indict Violet into VFD which is the last thing he and Beatrice wanted for their daughter. Maybe the Quagmires could help him, he hadn't heard from them in awhile but maybe they'd like to help an old friend. Maybe he could ask one of his friends from Staind-by-the-Sea. They were all so close back in his apprentice days but he didnt know how to get in contact with most of them. Lemony felt utterly alone. His cruel mind flashed to Beatrice, she would have been the only person he 100% trusted his daughter with...but she was dead too. Her death had marked this whole new chapter in his life and there was no going back. He played his cards...now he had to sit there and wait for the game to be over.

Lemony has seen how determined Olaf was to destroy two children, he can only imagine the time and energy Olaf would spend on destroying HIM now that he knew Lemony was alive.

Lemony was alone on this one. He only had his daughter. She couldn't help him because he had to protect her. He had to protect her even if it meant sacrificing himself. He was crying big time now.

If he died what would happen to Violet? He knows Mr. Poe is useless but that's who takes charge of the orphans' affairs. He knew he was a better option than Mrs. Squalor. He was so glad that none of his enemies knew he had a daughter but he feared that would change if he died. Lemony wasnt afraid of death per say, he knew that one day it was to happen. He would take his last breath, he would see his daughter one last time. He had hoped to live a long life full, but as he raced him in his yellow taxi he could feel his stomach churn as if he knew what was to come next.

I got to get Violet out of danger. He told himself. When he gets home, he will send her ahead of him. She will go to the storekeeper's shop. They might be VFD but it was the only shop he knew to be open at this hour. Yes, he will send her ahead. He will stay and pack the essentials simply meet her. She wont like this plan, but she'll listen reluctantly. I will explain everything to her. His tears didnt stop for the entire drive home. He felt guilty that hed been lying to Violet, her whole life but more so these past couple of months. Once they are safe in a new motel, he will tell her EVERYTHING. What he does. Why he does it. Who those kids are. What he did to help make the schism a thing. He was going to tell her everything she wanted to hear and more. No more secrets. Maybe after he saves himself and his daughter, he and Violet can search for the two Baudelaire orphans. Lemony could adopt them illegally. Hed explain everything to Klaus and Sunny, too after what theyd been through they deserved it.

"Everything is going to end happily." He told himself in the midst of his tears.

Now I don't have to tell you, the reader, why Lemony was dead wrong. The Baudelaire case and sadly the Snicket case do not end happily, some would say the cases, even to this day, havent ended. People just cant find the three orphans and some nights I lay awake in my associate's small but cozy studio apartment thinking that maybe it's better that no one can find them. If they havent been found no one can hurt them anymore. Because although I would love to end this tale here with the false hope of a happy ending, the tragic tale of the lives of the two Baudelaire children and the Snicket girl has only just begun and is only a third of the way through.

I would love to say that Lemony Snicket makes true to his word that he tells his daughter everything she wants to know and more and that he successfully fakes his death in a very unreliable newspaper and finds the Baudelaire orphans and illegally adopts them keeping all three plucky youngsters away from Count Olaf and VFD but, alas, that's not how the story goes.

And for that reason, I will ask of you, one more time before the story takes a turn for the worst, to look away. Look away from this tragic tale before it is too late. Before you, too, get too invested in the lives of these orphans that you spend your life trying to find them.

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modharlow · 6 years ago

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Today was one of those days again. The sky looked stormy yet shed no rain, the sun barely peeking out for a second before sheltering itself away. People were bustling about to do their everyday work, all seeming to enjoy themselves. Oh, how you wish that were you, but alas it was not. No, you were out here, passing through Valentine, because some sorry excuse of a father left the camp again. “Probably drunk off his ass again.” You lowly hissed out.

When Charles came up to Dutch and reported the missing man, the leaders eyes happened to fall on you to retrieve him. Fortunately he also sent Arthur with you. “I trust you kid,” Dutch started off as he lead you to your horse, “but not enough to believe you won’t kick Mr. Swanson’s ass.”

Well… at least he was cautious because he was right. If it had been just you, you would’ve beat the man black and blue—mostly out of anger but if you happen to fix whatever the hell was going on in that mans brain then that’d work fine too.

It wouldn’t be the first time you’ve lied hands on him, though you never want “too far”. Given everything he’d done, or hasn’t done for better words, you going easy on him was a mercy.

”Aw, now now, little birdy,” Arthur’s voice cut through your thoughts, “I know that face. Don’t tell me you plannin’ on killin’ him this time?” His tone was joking but you couldn’t help the silent “and if I do?” that came out.

Letting out a whistle, the outlaw adjusted his hat. “You ever gonna tell me what’s the bad blood between you two?”

”On my deathbed, maybe.”

”Don’t be like that.” He replied, his tone growing soft. “He’s still your father. Doesn’t help that he’s always drunk, I know, but he’s tryin’.”

You swore you’ve never felt such hot rage boil deep inside your veins. Your knuckles turned white from your grip in the horses’ reins and your teeth clenched down to prevent you from shouting at your friend. “Arthur,” your voice was tense, just like your body, “don’t be defendin’ that man when you’ve no reason.”

The ride was silent now, save for the goodhearted people that said hello to either of you as you passed, until you both made it out of town.

Arthur let out a long sigh before taking lead and changing the direction you both were going. “C’mon, we’re gonna talk this out, you ‘nd me.”

”Arthur-”

”We’ll find him, trust me. We always do. Right now you just need to explain to me why the hell you hate his guts so much when neither of you even look at each other.”

You took note at the new destination. It was somewhere away from the roads, perfect for a private talk.

Now it was your turn to let out a long sigh. You didn’t say anything until you both ended up by some trees. From there Arthur got off his horse and motioned for you to do the same. When you did he sat both you down at the foot of a tree, perfectly protected from prying ears and the possible rain if it were to happen.

Leaning his head against the tree, Arthur spoke. “When you joined our camp you were so happy, so giddy. You didn’t have a care in the world. It was… nice. A nice change of pace.”

”I was young then. I didn’t understand anythin’.”

”What makes you think you understand now?”

Scoffing, you turned away from him brought your knees to your chest. Silently, you said, “I understand enough to know he’s a dead-beat dad.”

”Feel like elaboratin’?”

It became silent again. The horses were eating grass as the tree swayed itself side-to-side, birds flying overhead in a mixture of dull colors. All were unaware of the grief and burning hatred you held inside.

Taking in a deep breath, in through your nose and out through your mouth, you started to pick at the dirt and rocks in the ground. “I was four when mama died.” You breathed out. “I didn’t know that’s what it was. Just thought she was nappin’, y’know? She’d always seemed so… tired.” You faintly turned to face Arthur. “Was like she lost her light.” A soft chuckle filled the moment. “Guess in the end… she did, huh?”

”I’m… Listen, I-”

”You wanna know how she died, Arthur?” You were facing him now, your face calm yet the grip you had on a spare rock from the ground said otherwise. “She used the exact mechanisms my father’s usin’ right now.” You turned your attention to the rock in your hands, fingers nimbly toying with it. “Turns out, you know, that she didn’t want a child. She wanted to be free… but was tied down because of me—and dad? Oh, well, he had his teachings to do. No, he could never come home on time or spend some moments with his only kid.” You tossed the rock away from you, your eyes narrowing to keep yourself at bay. “Don’t think he wanted a child either.”

”Now that ain’t true.” Arthur interjected before flinching slightly at your glare yet not faltering. “I dunno about your mama but Reverend loves you.”

”If he loved me then why the hell are we out here having to look for his sorry ass?!” You yelled, getting up from your spot and walking away a few steps. “If he loved me then why was he never there for me? When men would be lookin’ at me weirdly, or when kids would hurt me ‘cause I only had one parent? What about when I was almost kidnapped ‘cause his dumbass had a damn “meeting” to go too, huh?”

Arthur got up too with his hands held up in surrender as he took careful steps towards you. “Easy now. It’s okay. You’re okay.” But his words fell on deaf ears as you let your pent up emotions explode inside you.

”I was six when I learned what death was. I tried killin’ myself, then tried again a few months later. I was eight when I tried to talk to him only for him to push me away. I was nine when I ran away before comin’ back. It’s funny, you know, ‘cause it was like he didn’t notice I was gone.” You swallowed down the sob that desparely wanted to come out, instead letting whimpers leave your mouth. “I was fourteen when I realized he didn’t care for me. He never did, he only worries about himself—if you can even call whatever he’s doin’, “worrying”.”

You furiously wiped at your eyes, teeth eating away at your bottom lip to stop yourself from crying more. “Arthur. Arthur, I’m bein’ honest when I say this,” you took in a shaky breath, “I’ve dreamt of killin’ him. I’ve always felt free when I did it, too. It felt so refreshin’ to me. Was like chains were melted off and I could finally run again. It’s a feelin’ I chase after every time we have to look for him.”

When you looked up at Arthur with those vulnerable eyes, he was at a loss for words. He thinks back to his own memories of you being that happy-go-lucky kid he grew up with and felt his chest tighten. So was that all a facade so you could hide away your pain? How had he not noticed to sooner? Did anyone else know? Dutch? Hosea? You were close to those two but… did you ever really let them in?

”I’m… I’m sorry, I…” Those were not the words he wanted to say. Truly, he didn’t know what to say. He knew Swanson was not an ideal father but this—this is how you were treated? How you lived your life? “I don’t… know what to say.”

”No one ever does.”

After a short pause, Arthur felt his own anger begin to form when your died down. “Why the hell do we still keep him ‘round then? If he’s like this to you, then why don’t we just get rid of him? You’re the only one we really need. You hunt, fish, and you can even haggle someone almost as well as Hosea! He doesn’t do shit-”

”Arthur, I thank you for feelin’ my anger for me but it’s… I hate him, I do, but it’s more complex than that.” Now you felt bad for pulling your friend along with your emotions. You should’ve kept your mouth shut like you always had, only showing anger when it was just you and your dad alone.

Huffing, Arthur let his hands hold onto his belt as he leaned on his foot. “Well… we got all the time in the world for you to talk.”

While you dried off your wet face with your sleeve, you tried to formulate the correct words. “It’s… hard to explain. If he’s gone then… I’ll have no more blood-family. ‘Nd despite everythin’, well, he still let me go with him to join Dutch when he could’ve left me.” You voice trailed off, your eyes straying from the looks Arthur was giving you. “I-I know, okay? It’s idiotic for me to feel like this even after all that’s happened but I just—I can’t leave him to fend for himself. He lost his wife, ‘nd now I’m all that he has. Even if we don’t talk…”

”I don’t think I’ll ever understand you.” Arthur muttered as he took steps towards you. “I ain’t ever been in your boots so I guess I can’t say much but,” cautiously, he put his arms around you, “if you ever want his ass gone, just say so. Or if you… if you wanna leave ‘nd let him stay with the gang then… that’s alright. Just tell me beforehand, okay? I’d be mighty down if you up and left without a goodbye.”

You nodded your head while you returned the hug. Your eyelids stung and your body felt heavy from your outbursts of emotions, though you couldn’t deny how safe you felt right at this moment.

Closing your eyes, you let yourself get lost in the feeling of being openly loved by someone you held dear to you.

Arthur had been your first since you were first welcomed to the gang and a side of you berated yourself for keeping silent from him for so long. Still, within these moments, you felt alright. You felt… free. “I won’t leave. Not when I have someone like you lookin’ out for me.” You tried to bury yourself deep into his chest, wanting to stay with this comfort for much longer. Softly, you whispered out, “Thank you.”

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raitrolling · 8 years ago

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charon is my favorite, can we get some deets about him?

omg im glad but i also gotta question ur taste in taste in trolls cuz charon is legitimately the worse lmao

but anYWAY if ur just looking for simple facts, check out his toyhou.se profile, but otherwise cuz i didnt know what to write deets-wise i ended up getting carried away textwalling the entire history of charon’s character so enjoy?? i guess????

charon was my first troll who i made way back in late 2010, sometime after i caught up with the comic (which iirc was the make her pay flash). at first i was like ‘lol fantrolls are a dumb idea why would you make characters if alternia no longer exists in the comic’, but then i discovered the trollslum board on mspaf and the types of really creative trolls people had come up with and now 6 years later im still stuck in fantroll hell LMAO. but charon didnt rly have much of a concept back then apart from doing the thing im sure a good 70% of people making their first fantroll did and choosing the lime green colour thats supposed to be in between sollux and nepeta, as well as wanting him to be some creepy dude who loves blood and fighting because i was still in my edgy phase back then rifp

this pic here was the oldest one i could find of him, i lost a lot of my 2010 arts when my old external harddrive corrupted, and the oekaki i used to draw him on no longer exists so i cant grab anything from there either. i cry looking at the horrid anatomy omg

so then i started rping him on mspaf (which was the first time i rly rped, apart from randomly jumping into other peoples rps on other forums when i was 10 cuz i didnt know wtf it was but i wanted to be cool and write characters too lmao) and he just kinda developed from there i guess?? since he came from a friendless background he ended up getting really attached and protective of the friends and quads he ended up making, which ended up being taken up to 11 and turning into his obsessive tendencies he has now (though i ended up retconning all his past relationships because at the state hes at now, he would never be able to move on from losing so many people and id be stuck with Yet Another Ball Of Angst OC)

the story about his lusus has been changed a couple times too, originally kitedad was just some big angry bird who was attacked by another troll so charon was seeking revenge, but then retcons happened. somewhere down the line i was like ‘yknow charon’s p full on when it comes to trying to help his friends to the point where hed definitely try to hurt them so he could keep them safe, that mustve come from somewhere’ and now we have the awful abusive/codependent mess that exists today

i think a lot of his development came from the way i kept reinterpreting his behaviour too. ive mentioned on this blog a couple times That Weird Black Butler Cosplayer I Almost Dated Back In High School, who, while im sure he meant well, said and did some real creepy shit like turning up to my house unannounced as he found out where i lived cuz we took the same bus home and had memorised the route, as well as turning up uninvited to parties (dressed as fuckign sebastian. i wish i was joking. even my 2011 ultra weeb ass thought that was embarrassing) i was going to because there was gonna be alcohol there and he thought i needed ‘protection’, and also texting me this incredibly detailed dream he had of saving me from bullies and whatnot and that just made me go HOLD ON THIS BEING PROTECTIVE OF SOMEONE THING IS ACTUALLY REALLY WEIRD so i wanted to channel that kind of creepiness into charon. also his guilt trippy tendencies and making everyone’s problems about him is the same shit people have pulled on me before so lmao.

tho that being said, ive never really intended for charon to be 100% irredeemable?? he’s really only ever been intentionally malicious to those who have hurt him or his friends, so he’s more... incredibly misguided to the most extreme degree. he knows what behaviours get what he wants, but doesn’t understand that those behaviours are harmful to others, and he’s hopelessly loyal and protective, but these traits are coloured by the fact he’s got a poor sense of boundaries and doesn’t recognise when he’s going too far. he’s an interesting character for me to write, but finding that exact balance has always been difficult and i still dont know if ive got him pinned down properly yet. i always get happy when i post something related to him and i get messages from people who are just ‘holy shit charon’, it makes me feel like ive done a good job at capturing his character lmao

he kinda came full circle in a sense, from horrible edgy disgusting creep to somewhat of a nice guy with the occasional weirdness to legitimate disgusting creep who happens to also be a nice guy?? idk unlike a lot of my trolls who have gone through a lot of development charon is one of the few who still has a lot of his core concepts, just refined greatly

#charon acerbi #IM SORRY IF THIS WASNT THE TYPE OF DEETS U WERE LOOKING FOR I JUST really love talking about my characters like thiso mg #Anonymous #asks

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skiasurveys · 8 years ago

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doing this cus hes moving away and ill miss his bitch ass

THE BASICS 1. When did you both get together? May 10th 2016 2. Who made the first move? we both did, i guess. It was mutual. we had dated 5 months previously for like 2 weeks, and we got back into contact and we both knew we liked it eachother. 3. How long have you been a couple? 10 months. will be 11 in april 4. How did you first meet? OKCUPID 5. Were you already close friends before going out as a couple? I guess so, we had been talking for like a month til we officalized it. 6. Are you/Were you ever in the same class at school? no. He graduated 5 years before me 7. Are you long-distance? nope. but we will be in a couple of days :( 8. Are you in an open, regular or committed relationship? committed. 9. Do you live together? we were going too..but he didnt get a job, so hes moving back home to live with his dad and work there for a bit, and then in the summer we will be moving in together :) 10. Are you engaged? If yes, describe your proposal. If no, what ring would you like? no, and i dont know. 11. Are you married? If yes, describe your wedding. If no, would you consider marriage? No, and yeah id consider. 12. Which one of you is older? What is the age difference? Connor is older. by 6.5 years. 13. Which one of you is taller? What is the height difference? he is haha, by a foot and 2 inches. Im 5 feet, and he’s 6′2. 14. Do you share any of the same hobbies/interests/passions? yeah we both like the same stuff, but im more artsy than he is. but we like the same shows/movies/video games. Thats how we gt along very well. 15. What fictional couples would you compare yourselves to? i dont know. 16. Sum up your relationship in 6 words or less. happy, strong, crazy, great, safe. 17. Doodle a little picture of you both as a couple <- no 18. Describe your relationship using only emoticons. cant do this not on my iphone. 19. Share a cute photo of you both together. i dont know how to share on here, but if you go on my personal account you can find some. just go. Justskia.tumblr.com/tagged/connor

ATTRACTION 20. Top 5 fav things about your partner. his arms, his humor, his laugh, the way he talks about his passions, his smile. 21. Your partner’s top 5 fav things about you. ask him. 22. What physical traits do you find most attractive about your partner? his arms are really fucking nice. and his height. 23. What physical traits does your partner find most attractive about you? i know he likes how small i am, and short and my butt for sure cause im short stacked lolol 24. What personality traits do you find most attractive about your partner? His humour really. He is very funny, and I like how real he is with him. He’s romantic and senstive and he only shows that to me. 25. What personality traits does your partner find most attractive about you? i dont know, ask him. He likes that Im good company, that I dont complain and bitch him out, and that i make him happy, but i dont know ask him lol 26. Do you hold hands in public? Any other public displays of affection? if we do show PDA its either like hand holding or like a kiss on the cheek. 27. List your top 3 turn-ons about your partner. His arms, his aggressiveness, and his facial hair 28. List your partner’s top 3 turn-ons about you. ask him. 29. How would you seduce your partner? How would they seduce you? I dont really need to seduce him. 30. Innocently or not, where do you like your partner to touch you? my sides or upper thigh. 31. Describe your partner’s eyes. dark brown, they are kinda sad and it breaks my heart. 32. Describe your partner’s hair. Brown and messy but like a nice messy. 33. Describe your partner’s smile. His smile is big, and he smiles with his eyes and it makes me feel homesick, and I love it. 34. What is your partner’s voice like? deep but not too deep. Like rough, but sweet. I love it. 35. What is your partner’s scent like? manly and musky,its so fucking nice. 36. How does your partner impress you? How do you impress them? he tries to show off how strong and good he is at his video games. hilarious. I just try to show off how funny and cute i am. 37. What outfit would you like to see your partner in? What would they like to see you wear? i wouldnt mind him in like plaid shirts and I know he lieks me in mini skirt and socks. 38. Show your fav picture of your partner that they’ve posted online. not gonna post that just cause i dont know how he would feel.

ROMANCE 39. Do you have cute pet names for each other? not really. 40. What’s one of your favourite memories as a couple? I have way too many. seriously. I like the one where he called me at 11:30 Pm saying he knew i was lonely and that he could come get me, that was nice. but i have lots. 41. Describe your favourite date so far? honestly, i cant think of one. Our first date was so fun but not my fav..idk 42. What’s the sweetest thing that your partner’s ever done for you? hes been there for me when i needed him. 43. Do either of you get jealous? i do. 44. Is one of you protective of the other? i am and he is too. 45. How do you both like to kiss? just like kissing normally, but i like to press my tongue on his tongue. 46. How do you both like to cuddle? either when were spooning, or i lay my head on his chest, or he lays on me. 47. What’s a gift that you’ve given to your partner? And one they’ve given to you? Idk I give him a lot of shit. He gave me his truck. 48. Are you an openly mushy couple or a reserved couple? half n half 49. Does one of you like to cook for the other? im a bad cook. 50. Do you have unique ringtones/images for each other on your phones? no but i have a image of him on my phone 51. Have you ever had your initials written on a tree or in the sand? no but i could 52. What’s “your song”? I cant help falling in love with you 53. Do you own any items that are a special symbol of your relationship? a few 54. What did you both do for Valentine’s Day? we didnt do much really, actually. 55. Do you express your love lavishly or discreetly? discreetly kinda. 56. What’s the funniest thing you can remember your partner doing? hes so fucking funny. I cant choose. dont make me 57. Does thinking about your partner still give you butterflies? yeah 58. What’s the weirdest part of your relationship? that people keep trying to take us away.

BEING TOGETHER 59. Fav things to do together on a rainy day? watch a series 60. Fav things to do together on a sunny day? Go for a walk or something 61. Got any plans together for next week? spending my finale days with him until we see eachother again. 62. What’s your favourite thing to share together? my bed. 63. What did you do for your partner’s latest birthday? What did they do for yours? he actually didnt want to do anything for his birthday, but for mine we just hung out and were cute together/ had dinner. 64. Where would you like to go on holiday together? somewhere far. like disney. 65. You have a whole weekend to yourselves and 500 in cash- what do you do? I dont know, thats not a lot of money. Probably a night in Banff 66. How would you comfort your partner on a bad day? How would they comfort you? Just like hug him or let him know Im there, and hed probably cuddle me 67. Where would you both get takeout together? probably some thai or chinese food. 68. What’s the longest time you’ve been apart? 5 months 69. What things remind you of your partner? What things remind them of you? anime. and I dont know. 70. Has your relationship changed at all since it first started? we have gotten more close and he tells me more. hes more open. 71. Have you ever worked on a project together? no 72. Have you both influenced each other in any way? yeah 73. Have either of you made sacrifices for this relationship? oh god yeah. 74. Has you discovered anything surprising about your partner? yes 75. How have you both made a positive impact on each other’s lives? i like to think so 76. What do you both mutually agree is the most important part of your relationship? communication

EVERYDAY LIFE 77. What are the everyday things you both do to show you care about each other? just talking to eachother, spending time with them. 78. Do you follow each other’s blogs/twitter/instagram? he doesnt have those. 79. Is there a favourite place that you both frequently go to together? subway hahaha 80. What TV shows do you like to watch together? way too fucking many. 81. How do you relax together? Movies, cuddles, sex. 82. What sleep positions do you tend to sleep together in? spooning. 83. Do you borrow each other’s clothes or other items? no 84. Do you ever share the bathroom together? yeah 85. How do you both keep in touch when you’re away from each other? Texting, phone calls, psn calls 86. Do you share secrets between each other? yeah 87. Do you rotate house chores or do you each have assigned chore duties? we dont live together. 88. Do you remember how your partner takes their coffee/tea/bar drinks? he doesn tlike coffee 89. What does your partner think of your Tumblr? he doesnt know mine haha 90. What characters do you play as together when playing multiplayer games? we play eso

COMPATABILITY 91. Are you both introverted/extroverted or opposites? Hes introverted and im ambiverted. 92. Who is the more dominant/submissive one? hes more dom, and im sub. 93. What are some major differences between you both? He is more real, just tells things how they are, i like to sugar coat shit. 94. When are you both “in your element” together? in my room 95. Who would win in an arm-wrestling contest? he would 96. What are each of your zodiac signs and how do they compare? im a sag, and hes a taurus 97. What are each of your MBTI types and how do they compare? i dont know his actually 98. What are each of your Hogwarts houses and how do they compare? i dont know lmao 99. If you were both in a dating sim, what character tropes would each of you be? i dont fucking know man 100. If you were both animals what would you be? Would you be the same animal? hed be a cat for sure.. 101. How does your partner’s wardrobe differ from yours? hes just more dude like? 102. Have you ever both said something at the exact same time? yeah sure 103. Rate your relationship on a scale of basic vanilla (1) to extremely kinky (10) like a 6-7 104. Mix your fav colour with your partner’s fav colour- what is the result? its make like a violet 105. If you were both ingredients, what would each of you be and what would be the resulting recipe? (e.g. PB & jelly sandwich) im fucking dead at this question 106. Which of you would win in a Pokemon battle? As sign yourself and your partner a fitting Pokemon type (e.g. water, grass, poison etc). Are either of you super effective against the other? hed win.

CONFLICT 107. What happens when you argue with each other? How do you both make up? We have had only 2 huge arguments, usually we just do what people do and just fight and just get it over with..talk it out. we dont fight really, and im happy for that. we do get into little bickering shit but thats it.

108. What’s something that your partner does that annoys you? How do you annoy them? when he games for more than like 10 hours or whatever, like I actually don’t care if hes gaming, hes relaxing for me to being doing my own thing and him doing his. But sometimes he does online game a lot and is chating with friends for really long periods at a time and its like yo can we like chill and talk. But im not crazy like i want him to spend time with his friends but there is a limit i guess. and I think i annoy him when im constantly texting him n he doesnt respond. But he doesnt rly tell me what annoys him

109. What are some imperfections that you love about your partner? his little ego haha he is always bragging about how great he is at something and i love it. He’s not a jackass or douche about stuff but sometimes hes bragging and im like smh

110. What are some imperfections that your partner loves about you? i dont know, i don’t wanna ask LOL 111. Has your partner ever accidentally hurt you? Have you accidentally hurt them? Physically and emotionally? yeah. who hasnt though? I did hit his head once and he was like wtf? and it was by accident ahah. But yeah i have said shit to him where it hurt him and its like fuck i didn tmean it like that. It sucks

112. Is there anything about you that your partner just doesn’t understand? probably my mental health to be at most part. He doesnt understand some things i do.

113. Is there anything about your partner that you just don’t understand? yeah like why does he try so hard to act like he doesnt care when he does. Its kinda weird. 114. When was the last time you cried about your relationship and why? today but thats cause hes moving away today, and so i was crying with him cus i didnt want him to go.

115. What is something you love that your partner hates? cringe 116. What is something you hate that your partner loves? anime 117. When was the last time you had to apologise to your partner and why? Today because i by accident was being a little too pushy and i felt so bad. 118. Do either of you get too clingy? me at most part i think. i like his clingyness but he isnt too clingy actually

119. Do you have any insecurities about your relationship? yeah, i do. Just cause i hate myself and im scared he will find someone else.

120. When was a time that your relationship was put to the test? i dont know? 121. What would your partner have to do to make you end the relationship? cheat, break the law ( like murder/rape/rob a bank lmao), insult my family too extreme for no reason.

RELATIONS 122. Does your family approve of your relationship? meh, not really. whatever 123. What do your friends think of your relationship? they think he’s super nice and that he makes me happy. 124. How do you both act together around others as opposed to when you’re alone together? hes more romantic with me and like more feely but when were with friends hes like reserved but he doesnt like hide our relationship.

125. How did you first reveal to people that you were going out? i took a picture of us together and posted it on instagram and facebook i believe and then i just told people.

126. Do you think you and your partner look similar to each other? both have brown eyes but thats it lol

127. How does your partner treat you special compared to everyone else in their life? he spends his time with me the most, he tells me everything ( well at least i think he does haha ), hes opened with me. Hes very reserved around others.

128. Do you both have a mutual friend group, or only separate friendship groups? separate, but i do like hanging with his friends.

129. What’s a common misconception about your relationship? oh that hes “way too old for her” hes only 6 years older, its not 16 years smh. also that people think that I let him walk on me and do what he wants but I don’t let that, i do let him do what he wants but he doesnt walk all over me.

130. Has your relationship affected any of your relations with others? yeah. 131. Has anyone tried to sabotage your relationship? yeah. a few actually. fuck them. 132. Quote something somebody has said about your relationship. “i dont see why you waste your time” that is what some ppl say. a lot of people like us together but some don’t. dont know why, actually.

133. Quote something somebody has said about your partner. he seems really nice or that he makes me happy or that hes too old like wtf no in between.

FUTURE 134. What do you hope for the future of your relationship? i hope that we grow as individuals and in our relationship and that we make it offical. RING BABY.

135. If you both got married, what would you want your wedding to be like? my dream wedding is something small but not too small but not big where i dont know half the people. something fun that represents us as our relationship but sometimes romantic too.

136. Can you imagine what your ideal home would look like? yeah, i guess probably like studio apartment, or something. idk we dont reallt talk about that.

137. Do you have kids/want to have kids? What would they be like? no and no 138. If you could do anything for your partner what would you do? i would get him a nice place for him to stay, a really nice 4K TV and maybe take him somewhere where he wants to go.

139. Do you think you’ll still be together when you’re old and wrinkly? honestly i do 140. Got any relationship advice? dont let people tell you what to do. If you want to be with them, be with them. But make sure to pay attention for warning signs too though

#boyfriend survey #connor #for the last question #i mean dont let people tell you how to be a couple #i do understand listneing to what ppl have to say about your relationship is healthy cus sometimes were blinded by love #but if people are trying to tell you how to be a couple #fuck em

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