#healing feels weird sometimes i dont actually like it all that much

[sophiethewitch1]

shout out to forgiving yourself for your past sins its one of the best things you can do and it is so so so so hard :')

[g00seg1raffe]

So there was a post a while back about Ben Solo always being told "don't do (x), that's how uncle luke lost his hand" when he was a kid - and I raise you: Elrond and Elros being told "don't do (x), that's how Maedhros lost his hand"??

Like, at Amon Ereb when the twins were newly acquired and refusing to eat their vegetables and Maglor is Mag-mothering them until Erestor, feral half-sane clinically depressed anarchist Avari hostage/patient/infiltrator and Certified Little Shit, hits em with:

"I would listen to the Lord Maglor, winyamor, he well knows the dangers that come to young elflings who don't eat enough vegetables - after all, that's how his brother lost his hand."

Elrond looks conflicted. Elros squints suspiciously. "Truly?"

Erestor, practically comatose since the massacre but ultimately saved from Fading by the biological compulsion to fuck with you, lays a hand over his heart. "I would never lie about such a thing! Just what do you take me for? This is a true tale and a grave warning - the Lord Maedhros' hand was tragically lost in the days of his youth, whilst he was still growing as you are. He refused to eat his vegetables and so, cruelly deprived of the strength it needed to grow strong, his body started to fall apart! First his fingers, then his thumb, and then his palm and wrist - all turned blue and dropped off!"

"No!" Elrond gasps. Elros looks both terrified and impressed. Maglor's face is scrunched up into something that the twins probably interpret as pained - at reminder of the horrors of limbs falling off! - but is actually just him busting a rib trying not to laugh.

"Yes!" Erestor cries with relish. "And it never grew back. All because he didn't eat his vegetables. Isn't that right, Lord Maedhros?"

Maedhros, a looming terror at the head of the table, scarred and solemn and impenetrable as his fortresses, narrows his eyes consideringly at the unfolding shenanigans and the rascal behind it. His conclusion? Fuck it. He gives a slow, solemn nod. Completely deadpan and exaggeratedly formal, because it may have been centuries since he last had his brothers smothering laughter at political dinners but the Finwëan sense of humour, once caught, is not an ailment easily cured.

Maglor conceals his wheezes behind his goblet as Erestor nods sagely to the wide-eyed twins, who suddenly seem a sight more interested in their vegetables.

[444darlin]

Healing from BPD symptoms is weird and slow and confusing. Bf has moments where hes like "its one of those days where i feel kinda overwhelmed so i might not text much today" which is fine. Like first of all you communicated it to me so it killed off 70% of the doubts and anxiety that would have been created had you not.

Hes shown me a steady pattern of everyday when he feels like this, he communicates it with me, has a day by himself, then usually texts me before bed hoping my day was good.

My BPD wants to fight it so hard and text him so much while hes trying to have alone time. It is so insecure and just wants to be like "hey hope youre okay!" But im telling my BPD that its not what he needs right now, it probably wont help, and he specifically requested that he preferred to be alone today. I gotta respect that and my BPD and the insecurities that come with that cant interfere and make him feel guilty for being away. Nah, thats ridiculous. And sometimes i need my alone time too where i dont feel like talking to anyone, so logically there should be no reason for me to expect different standards from anyone else.

If i request to be alone then i expect people to respect my preference, and he ought to get that too without my BPD trying to grasp at every clue that he still cares about me. He does. Calm down. Hes getting alone time JUST LIKE YOU ALSO DO sometimes.

For me BPD can become so engulfing that its almost impossible to step back and SEE your actions, the cause and effect, see the process of what triggered this and what happened after that, so i think me being able to step back and apply the golden rule to something that i normally would apply the black and white rule to - means that im definitely learning some things and how to navigate things.

Having people in your life that ACTUALLY mean what they say, do what they say they will, and are available to you i think is the major key to being able to step outside of the chaos of BPD cuz its straight up fucking isolating in our brains and it helps tremendously to have other brains to depend on.

Tldr; i learned a thingie about my bpd

[mcdbutgay]

zoeymau cheebs (click for better quality + transparent pics)

some hcs below ^^ also i love how they complement each other so much GODDD

APHMAU SHALASHASKA

- aphmau shows up at phoenix drop’s doorstep pretty much half dead. no one knows where she came from, and upon waking up she doesn't remember who she is, where she's from, nothing.

- vylad carried her here because he knew that garroth was stationed in phoenix drop and he knew that the village was in dire need of help due to it being lordless; however it doesnt get revealed until way later.

- aphmau gets carried into the guard station which is where she resides for a period of time. zoey, who was visiting phoenix drop at the time (she was a wandering 'merchant' of sorts, looking for a permanent place to stay) feels a weird presence coming from her, not magical but also not normal, and decides to prolong her stay, healing aphmau back to health with garroth's supervision.

- aphmau wakes up and is sooo grateful they took care of her and decides that as payment she’s going to help make this mess of a village better (also she has no memory of anything that happened prior or why she ended up here anyway, so it’s not like she has anywhere else to go.)

- so she fixes up the roads and helps remodel some of the houses (i feel like this version of aphmau is much less princess-like and more handy than canon aph) garroth is very grateful for this

- anyway uh i dont actually have a lot of stuff for her since i find aphmau to be somewhat bland?? ig thats bc aph is meant to be jess for the majority of s1 but yeah uhh that needs to change. this aphmau is more rough around the edges, not afraid to fend for herself and those she cares for, but also very kind and compassionate. also very bubbly at times, but around those she trusts. she’s actually kind of against the idea of having guards follow her around all the time when she first becomes lord (because she believes she can do everything on her own), but later realizes that its much better to have backup bc the world is dangerous tm

- anywayz she grows closer to zoey when she moves into her house. she finds her presence weird at first but quickly gets used to her company, and she finds that waking up to the smell of tea everyday is soothing

- she is often sent out to the woods to gather whatever herbs zoey needs for her magicks. this quickly turns into aphmau trying to find pretty flowers to bring back to her pretty wife as a gesture of love friendship. sometimes she gets scolded bc she unknowingly brings back poisonous flowers or something but zoey knows that she does it with the best of intentions and thinks its kinda cute in a way.

- also aphmau brings back zoey pretty items from her travels, usually rings, necklaces, or even pretty rocks. zoey keeps them all in her room and looks at them while working on magicks stuff

- sorta angsty but i feel like aphmau definitely feels guilty for being absent for most of levin and malachi’s childhood. way in the future i feel like she and zoey would either adopt or have a biological kid of their own that they can both be present for, now that aphmau is no longer a lord and zoey is just enjoying her last lifetime with her beloved wife.

- OH AND i find it funny that they end up together since, at least in my canon, irene and zoey were a thing way back when. so like after irene left this plane or whatever and reincarnated as aphmau its like zoey and irene found themselves again in another lifetime (more on that in zoey’s section, which i actually wrote first)

- god i really don’t have much to say abt aph lol uh she’s bisexual (fem leaning, which is why she doesn’t rlly feel anything for garroth or laurence but does get flustered around guys sometimes) and demiromantic (takes a WHILE for her to feel any romantic attraction. again its why she doesn’t feel anything for G and L LMAO)

ZOEY TALTATHEIL

- was a devout follower and close friend of irene 900 years ago. zoey, although she wasn’t part of the divine warriors, was irene’s right hand woman, and would help her with decisions etc etc.

- she was kind of like a guard but not really lol. i do feel as though she began to mess around with barrier magicks as a way to protect irene, despite the fact that it got her exhiled from her home. she’d do anything to protect her.

- they were overall very close, but due to circumstances tm they had to separate. they never saw each other again sadly

- (although there are some books written by scholars that state that at some point lady irene had a certain lady friend who she lived with and shared intimate moments with. wonder who that is :P)

- ((also irene did have a family at some point, and levin is of her bloodline. he has blonde hair and blue eyes, guess who else has blonde hair and blue eyes? garroth ZOEY (and yes also garroth but thats a coincidence imo) so i think they are at least distantly related but very much so regardless))

- enough about irene. in zoey’s long 900~ year life she’s travelled to many regions, learned about many different cultures, and met many people, some who she did settle down with at some point. due to her immortality, however, she outlived all her previous partners and since then has been afraid to settle down with anyone, afraid of losing them to time

- it wasn’t until she met aphmau and levin (and later malachi) that she began to change her mind. she began to raise her children when she was away on lord duties, and she got VERY attached to them. she treated them as her own, and soon became accustomed to the idea of having a family

- she also began to see aphmau in a more romantic light at some point during s1. she didn’t know when the change from platonic to romantic feelings began but it didn’t matter. what mattered was that she had been raising another woman’s children as though they were her very own, cooking for the 4 of them like a happy family, and literally living the life she had always wanted without even realizing it.

- anyways she sleeps with aphmau in her room despite having her own room. she uses her room more as a workspace for her magicks

- also (and this is less about zoey and more about elves in general) i feel as though elves start out with dark colored hair and with the years it slowly lightens up until it’s completely white (doesn’t matter what color; zoey’s just happened to be blonde which is why she has platinum blonde hair pre-timeskip. it obviously doesn’t change this fast, but zoey giving up her immortality did speed up the process by a LOT which is why the change was so drastic in such a small amount of time (for an elf))

- speaking of her immortality, i feel as though it was the main reason that drove her to, you know, actually become a thing with aphmau. they were practically married pre-timeskip but they never really mentioned it, both scared they’d ruin what they had. aphmau being trapped in the irene dimension was the thing that drove her to spend years of her life studying, trying to get her closest friend, no, her lover back; losing her immortality was the final push to make it official. losing her immortality mean that they’d both pass within each other’s lifetimes, which is something zoey had always wanted (that sounds morbid but imagine being immortal and outliving all your loved ones.. i feel as though one can only take so much pain before it turns you crazy)

- anyways enough angst. since zoey has lived so long and has been all over the place, she has countless stories to tell and levin and malachi always loved hearing them. post-timeskip she tells the same stories to the children of phoenix drop in her spare time. she loves being around children and overall just loves caring for ppl ^__^

- as for like sexuality hcs uhh i can’t imagine her as anything but a lesbian lol

[pokemenlovingmen]

Okay!! I was able to counter act the links being funky in my app by opening your blog in my mobile browser!!!! so I was able to read your rules n stuff so now I can finally request (yusss!!! also, I saw the "ingo,,, again" under the PLA characters you write for and it made me think "ingo 2,,, electric boogaloo" heheheh. also yeah fuck kamado, all my homies hate kamado)

okay, could I please request a lil drabble (if you only do hc's thats fine of course! I just couldnt find it clearly if you only do hc's) of Adaman taking care of a reader who is on bed rest and healing? the exact stuff of how and what is up to you, for me its more so the comfort and caring side, not so much the angst side (so like, nothing thats like "omg reader was near death" pls?). gender of the reader I dont mind, just do what youre most comfortable with and yee!! thank youuuu

Hi you’ve been such a kind supporter I’m sorry it took me so long to get to you!! And yeah. Fuck Kamado. That exile would have been my villain origin story if the game gave me more agency, I swear to god.

And conversely, we love Adaman. They put him in pokemas and my quality of life has improved significantly <3

Oh and I’m sorry about the lack of clarity of what I do! I do only HCs, but at the level of detail I can’t stop myself from including, they’re kinda like a weird fusion between drabble and headcanons.

Healing Takes Time — Adaman x M!Reader

💎 — Hisui is a dangerous place and injuries ranging from minor to severe are all too common. So Adaman’s not exactly a stranger to presiding over loved ones on bed rest.

💎 — Doesn’t mean he’s good at it, though.

💎 — Mai reminds him that the slow passage of time is just as important as things that happen in the quick, efficient manner that he prefers as well. It’s not a slight from Mighty Dialga being displeased, it’s just the nature of time. But he can’t just stand around when it comes to your health! Yes, rest takes time, he’s aware, but all this waiting feels the same as doing nothing to him.

💎 — Mai basically has to keep him away from you constantly because he’s always fretting over you, which is definitely sweet of him even if it’s not exactly helpful, but it is funny to watch the cartoonish shenanigans of Mai trying to constantly shoo Adaman away from the medical tent.

💎 — Even if what you’re recovering from isn’t serious, you’d never be able to guess that from how he behaves.

💎 — He essentially becomes your primary nurse and seldom lets you out of his sight if he can help it (thanks to Mai being the reasonable one, he usually can’t).

💎 — Once things calm down though, after the first two or three days when your recovery progress is becoming quite apparent, he’s less frazzled and more willing to leave you be. He just can’t help that impatience winning out, though, sometimes.

💎 — He’ll be there to help you with maintaining yourself while you rest, sitting beside your futon while you recover, brushing your hair so you don’t have to, keeping a fresh cold compress on you at all times if the problem is that you’re sick and feverish, changing your bandages if it’s an injury, all that.

💎 — If you’re okay with it, he’ll also happily bring his Leafeon to see you for some good old fashioned grass-type aromatherapy. I know Leafeon can’t actually learn the move aromatherapy, but it’s clearly made of plants and must have some kind of floral/herbal smell.

💎 — And since we know he is a house husband in the making guy with an interest in cooking, you bet he’ll be bringing you all manner of home-cooked meals.

💎 — He’s so dutiful, oftentimes he doesn’t go back to his own tent for the night and will instead fall asleep on the cold floor next to your futon.

💎 — Adaman is very sure to keep you abreast of all goings-on in the clan, usually nothing much of interest, but he does uncharacteristically bring you all sorts of gossip. It’s not that he likes to gossip, but while you’re bedridden he can’t think of much to entertain you with so this is what he’s settled on. And also he probably would like to vent his multitude of frustrations with Melli specifically because you just know 3/5 instances of drama involve some kind of category 5 Melli moment.

💎 — Once you start to recover and leave your bedridden state, he’s still just as present as he was before.

💎 — If it was an injury he’s always making sure you’re not overexerting yourself, and if it’s something that happened to your legs, he’s volunteering to help you walk around so you don’t put too much pressure on the injury.

💎 — For illness he’ll always be on your case about taking whatever medicines/remedies you were instructed to, because your recovery has already taken ages (to him) already, and he’s not sure he can bear seeing you sick for much longer.

💎 — Regardless of the reason you’re bedridden, he’ll always give you a kiss on the forehead when he enters the tent and before he leaves—though if you’re sick, he musters the self control to wait. Ideally he can keep that up, but he might get a little impatient… oh well. He needs to remind you how much he loves you, and if he ends up getting what you have, he knows you’ll care for him just as dutifully as he did you.

[fatuismooches]

i have been silent but that does not mean i have stopped thinking about dottore

based off of some fanart i saw, im like. 99.9999% sure zandik rarely heard any nice stuff said to him n i dont know why but i just. imagine this in my head. its such a tender, vulnerable and soft moment where zandik, probably akademiya or early fatui days, fits himself between your legs as he wraps his arms around your waist. his head laying comfortably on your thighs as he sits on his knees. its a moment that shows his trust, you know? allowing himself to be small before you, a rare act of submission to your love as your fingers play with his curls, palms warm and soothing as you cup his cheek. n' u just tell him things that he struggles to believe, like how he's so beautiful, and that you care about him, how he deserves to be loved even though he's perceived as a monster. and i dont know, but i wanna gently raise his head by his chin, softly smile at him and say "zandik, you're a good boy." because i know no one has ever ever said that to him, not even his parents.

healing his parental issues frrrr 💪💪💪 IS. IS THIS WEIRD??? IDK IT KINDA SOUNDS WEIRD BUT I DONT KNOW, IN MY HEAD THIS IS JUST. EVERYTHIN FOR ME.

this is just how i imagine zandik, honestly I DONT KNOW WHY BUT THE FANART I SAW FUCKS ME UP AND I WANNA CARE FOR HIM AND PAMPER HIM AND MAKE HIM FEEL THINGS NO ONE CARES ENOUGH TO MAKE HIM FEEL.

i want that boy to be treated like a pretty girl by taking him out on romantic dates and writing him love letters he's 100000% gonna keep, laminate and immortalize. i want to treat that boy like the fragile thing he is, hold him in my arms and kiss him so so gently.

ITS DRIVING ME NUTS.

oh yeah. totally not projecting onto zandik. NOPE. nuh uh. totallllyyyy....

THAT MENTAL IMAGE YOU'VE GIVEN ME... oh my gosh. i am so soft right now. Sniff sob... Zandik being so open and vulnerable in front of you :( OH EDBEWDWE HIM IN THAT POSITION IS MAKING ME CRY HE'S SO CUTE... you have no clue how you managed to get him to be so submissive but you're not going to say anything nor are you going to squander this opportunity. You're not even sure if he's comfortable like that, sitting on his knees but... he seems unbothered and quite actually, content with nuzzling his face into your thighs, having your hands run through his fluffy blue hair soothingly. For once, he is almost eerily silent, instead of being all fight and rebuttal all the time, as he doesn't seem to have a smart answer for your gentle words this time. It's new to you, not him vehemently denying your statements, but you're going to take advantage of it, holding his cheeks and kissing him all over, whispering in his ear softly but firmly about how much you love him and everything you love about him, and that you always will.

CALLING HIM A GOOD BOY... i am on the floor in a puddle and sobbing. Kai your brain >>> peak. But it makes me so sad to know that Zandik's literally never received any kind of positive form of affection all his life 😭 Not even his parents... like fuck I'm in pain for him. It took reader SO long to even break his first wall down (he has like a dozen probably) because of how poorly he was treated by the people who were supposed to "love" him :( he just really needs some love :( i think after a really long time, Zandik would come to really crave your appreciation sometimes. Like, he doesn't make it obvious or anything, but he'll do something like perhaps deal with some fellow scholars without snapping at them, or anything he doesn't really do in general, and look at you expectantly if you haven't praised him yet. Because you're the only one who has ever praised his efforts.

HE DESERVES TO BE PAMPERED SO BAD 😭😭 ugh i know Sumeru is mostly hot and you two can't have any cold bundled up days over there but. i love the idea of you two snuggling and sleeping in one morning. Both of you know you're gonna be late for class, but you're like, fuck it we're skipping. And Zandik scolds you, but he's making no effort to leave either! So... you two just stay in bed cuddling as you pamper him (you definitely were the big spoon quite frequently back then here 😭) Slow and lazy morning as you wash his hair and body in the bathe 🥺 breakfast that you made as he looks over his notes 🥺

Bro i can't even imagine Zandik's reaction to you trying to treat him like a pretty princess 😭 Even when you two are dating he just doesn't understand :( why do you go so far for him? What he gives you in return is far less than what you provide for him... he just doesn't understand, but it seems like you're wholly content with everything the way it is so... he won't let you go.

[sscrubberhose]

Ya got any dialtown headcanons? :3

hooo boy. ive been chewing on this all day and I think i have a decent amount to say!

Spoilers for Dialtown!

Tw for mentions of suicidal ideation and religious guilt

Phone/Typegingi:

-Is aware of everything that happens in my fics but forgets

-is more aware of how people perceive them than people give them credit for, wants to make everyone happy

-has a strong fear of being alone, which is why they bother people so relentlessly. if they were to be fully ignored for an extended period of time they would have a breakdown

-Has both the phone and the typewriter head and can change them out at will, dont ask where they keep them.

-has bitten theoroar many, many times and will do so again. is even more fearful and hateful of him after the zoo explosion

-has a lot of love to give and genuinely prefers being around their friends

-has a level of intelligence that is genuinely sort of surprising sometimes. this intelligence is used at random

-is surprisingly easy and hard to kill at the same time

-the narrator is actually a separate entity to them who cares about them very much

-seems to be passively suicidal but no one can tell if theyre joking or not

-roger rabbit rules, whatever biology is funniest is what they have

-perceived height changes based off of this rule as well. no one notices.

-breaks into town hall once a month for funsies

-enjoys sweet things quite a bit

-autistic beast

Randy:

-is actually a decent cartoonist, but rarely draws due to hand pain. likes drawing gingi and oliver the most

-has a lot of religious guilt due to growing up catholic with a very very strict, religious father, left home as soon as he could. also why he is afraid to talk to God.(hobo)

-father harped on him his entire childhood about being a burden, now feels that he owes the world for existing. this is slowly healing.

-due to his upbringing hes still learning how to function as an adult, i.e cleaning, cooking for himself, things like that. hes working on it!

-has sensory issues, has ASD

-fear of cgi animals comes from having to watch weird religious propaganda films for kids when he was young. he is getting over it thanks to oliver.

-extremely observant and notices things a lot of people don't, but usually doesnt say anything for fear of being annoying

-knows shooty and stabby on a first name basis(not that he knows whos who)

-sees Norm as a father figure but would never admit that

-has a long list of phobias that hes working on recovering from, but is too nervous to go to therapy for

-has a LOT of plushies in the ticket booth that Oliver and Gingi have given him, refuses to get rid of any of them

-taking the bandage off wont instantly kill him, he doesn't know this.

-can skateboard, does not do this often

-gets sick very easily, has to be forced to rest as he tries to insist hes not sick

-is roommates with Oliver, they have a bunk bed

-got his number changed so the hotline wasnt tied to him anymore

-is actually a good singer, never sings due to thinking he sucks. Will hum to himself while working at the ticket booth

Karen;

-Has actually gotten fairly close to the other datables since the conclusion of the game, doesnt know how to express this

-Visits Dialtown for a few months out of the year to catch up and spend time with her friends

-part of her contract with helping rebuild was better wages for those who worked at the bank. It took a lot of arguing but she felt that no one should suffer like she did.

-expresses her love for her friends by making them ponysonas. Is a huge pegasister. will infodump about it for hours to anyone who will listen

-enjoys botanical illustrations the best, next to drawing horses

-draws horses with normal horse heads as a form of abstraction

-puts capsaicin oil in her paints so Gingi will stop drinking them. This did not work.

-enjoys vintage movies and game shows and talks at length with Oliver about them when they go out for coffee or dinner together.

-she and randy doodle together sometimes

-also has severe sensory issues and has safe outfits she wears. will cry if she has to touch certain fabrics. (LOOKING AT YOU CRUSHED VELVET)

-safe foods are microwave dinners and pasta, but she keeps her diet balanced.

-her and Norm get along now and will sometimes go for hikes and chat about life(and ways to wrangle gingi)

-allergic to shrimps

-can play piano

Oliver:

-Got a new therapist who doesnt think hes weird or annoying(it didnt phase him but thats not groovy to say to someone)

-has POTS, often needs to sit down at work so he doesnt faint.

-is a HUGE horror fan, could tell you everything about the behind the scenes of every major and minor horror movie to come out in the last decade.

-works as a haunt actor for the Dialtown Haunted House every single Halloween, wants to run it someday

-has a log of every new thing he notices about Gingis biology, the log is three books long now.

-Really wants to run a youtube channel where he does amateur ghost hunting with randy, has yet to convince randy that this is a good idea

-is very physically affectionate, though he does ask permission first before touching anyone!

-Has had top and bottom surgery and is comfortable where his transition is, thankfully his insurance under Mr. Dickens covered it! (Mingus isnt a TOTAL monster)

-has a digital scrap book of all his favorite memories with his friends

-makes rage comics unironically.

-favorite color is actually black, red just seems to be his thing!

-has been legally adopted by Mr. Dickens but decided to keep his last name as Swift because "it was rad."

-is actually friends with most of the ghosts and poltergeists that live in the cinema/scareshack

-kept the popcorn and soda dispensers, but got the soda dispensers to dispense SODA and not...whatever the fuck it was doing before.

-helped renovate the basement of the cinema into a haunted maze that he helped design, the theme changes once a year!

-got those unicycle lessons and knows how to juggle as well!

-likes rollerskating, has Heelys on all the time

-allergic to peanuts

-can play guitar

Norm:

-Is aware that Gingi sees the face on the sticky note change and thinks its sort of funny

-Is actually good friends with God and the two go out to lunch once or twice a month

-enjoys fishing and will take Randy and Oliver on fishing trips, Gingi usually follows regardless of invite.

-Sees himself as a father figure to most of the dateables, and is willing to fill in that role.

-apologized to Karen for his behavior by baking her fresh bread. is actually an extremely good cook

-irises and pupils are both void black due to exposure to the wormhole. He has not noticed this. Eyes used to be honey brown.

-Has to stop Mingus from doing a new evil scheme once a month, has a spray bottle for this purpose.

-does actually have other outfits for when the space suit needs to be washed, is never seen outside the house when this happens

-Oliver, Karen, and Randy have seen his real face, they were like "cool" as Gingi is just...far weirder.

-i imagine him as strawberry blonde. Short hair, either buzz cut or just short. maybe some stubble. I dont have a good image of what his face looks like, it is just bag to me

-not great at public speaking but REALLY good at pretending to be

-is actually very good at using technology but will sometimes pretend not to be just to tease Oliver.(it works every time)

-can also play guitar

Bigfoot:

-...no.

-okay okay i have one. You could use his fur to make yarn IF you washed it. You will never be able to get close enough to brush him though.

Misc headcanons:

-heads can be repurposed after death, like cadaver bones!

-the more popular headtype for modern business men and women is a laptop

-after what happened to Callum Crown, the answering machines function was completely separated from memory storage

-Snakes have syringes for heads

-peter and his wife are poly and want roger to be their third, but roger is as dense as a brick and peters too formal to just say it out loud.

-Harry and Jack are a couple in this universe, Jack is just a very odd boss to work for regardless

-Billy is Abel's kid. The mother is unknown. probably a one night stand.

-the swans miss randy :(

-there are a few headtypes that are banned for various reasons, one of which is having a megaphone AS your head.

-Roger is autistic and has a stutter, and sometimes has to use ASL to communicate. Peter knows ASL for this reason

-The Narrator could talk to the others, but only if it was an emergency

-all Dialtown OCs are canon. theyre in town somewhere, having fun and living their lives!

-Dialtown is bigger than shown in game, including the town square which has a fountain and a park surrounding it, as well as a skate park, rec center, arcade, a pizza place, etc.

-all the dateables have met satan at least once, they just didnt know thats who that was

-shooty and stabby are dating, theyre just very bromance about it. good for them...

-rotery phone heads are coming back in fashion as a sort of 'retro' vibe.

-getting prosthetics/emergency plastic surgery and medical care is actually quite accessible.

-jerry and his wife come visit dialtown every christmas soley so that gingi doesnt run all the way out there to visit them and get hopelessly lost. theyre doing quite well!

-there are competent members of the dialtown mob but they dont really do much other than hang out at the bar

if i think of anymore Ill let you know!! thanks for askin!

[maryallenc]

theres just something i absolutely adore about the way bells hells can be generally perceived in general by other people.

like how vox machina are these living legendary god-chosen heroes put into the history books and continue to be influential figures to this day. even during their time, they were protectors of the realm, slayers of dragons and gods. theyve taken the role of saviors and defending the side of good, despite how much of dumbass shitheads and callous in their ways and words they can be.

or how the mighty nein were these lesser-heard mysterious group of hypercompetent operatives entwined with criminal organizations, politics, governments, esoteric encounters, and divine or arcane secrets. they were shady motherfuckers whose agendas not a lot of people are privy to, altho we all know its mostly attending to each other's well-being and actually trying to do the right thing, and thats if theyre actually thinking some things through.

and now, the bells hells. the interesting thing is, theyre a group mostly comprised of ticking time bombs, and i feel like people can maybe already get some hints of that impression from them after a while? like. you see this colorful group of idiots. theyre actually pretty nice people. theyre appreciative and indulgent of most weird and even stupid shit. theyre not necessarily great at stealth, but theyve got the audacity to walk in any kind of establishment as if they belong even when they clearly dont, and weirdly enough it works. when faced with opponents, their first move is to fuck with them with some ridiculous shit. ghost haunts, booby traps, fake orgies, explosives as a warning. maybe even talk things out. wont even kill you, hell, they prefer not to usually.

but then you push a little too far. or youre in the way and they cant really afford to waste time. theyve got a goal, and theyre gonna reach it no matter what. and now youve got the most unhinged and feral group of people who doesnt give a shit about collateral damage or hurting themselves as long as they can put you down.

theyre also just so non-stop, and even if they were given time and opportunity to rest, theyre just so full of energy and grit.

during their first episodes, even eshteross was a little taken aback by how fast and immediate they move on to the next thing that needs their focus.

so. looking from the outside. theres this group of weirdos, most of them almost monstrous? just plain out weird and really questionable? in origins. theyre very nice people. very friendly. maybe even kind, sometimes at least. they fuck with enemies' heads, sometimes theyre small pranks, sometimes they just set you on fire. but stop short of killing, maybe even heal you!

but theyve also left so many places exploding and/or on fire. they will fucking ruthlessly win ANY COMPETITION OR RACE as undeniable victors.

the frontliners are beaten up and still standing and grinning with blood on their teeth, the casters have the least compunctions in killing, and the healer is fucking with a lot of the damages dealt within a fight.

theyre as quick to announce a big good like the voice of the tempest as their ally as they were with an amoral fey called the nightmare king whom they fully admitted to have been abducting children and innocent creatures for science.

no doubt, theyre all there to save the world. right some wrongs. make a better change.

but theyre just so. wild? and destructive. even to themselves.

im just curious on what the final image of them as a group will be for them.

[3liza]

Saw your post asking about insulin resistance without high blood sugar, and yeah I have experience with that exact thing. Everyone in my family has some sort of awful blood sugar issues, but despite having something clearly wrong with me my glucose tests and a1c's were coming back thoroughly normal. I got lucky with a decent doctor and she ordered an insulin test (usually more accurate with fasting I believe, but the result was rather high anyways) and she noted that it was high and told me to try out a diabetes diet to see if it helped.

I'm on a strict low-glycemic index diet now and it's really improved my health, mostly my mental health, but my skin has been upgraded from "abysmal" to a firm "mediocre."

Do I know what's wrong? No. Probably never will, but I'm feeling a lot better at least.

huh. thats useful info. im about to get a new doctor, i wonder if she'll be willing to entertain this sort of weirdness

edit: i just feel Bad and Sick if i eat a sufficient amount of sugar. systemic symptoms, skin gets worse, actual skin pathology like wounds not healing or eczema/psoriasis/fungus gets worse, migraines get triggered, pain flares, etc. not normal person "i ate too much sugar i feel temporarily sub-optimal" halloween candy coma, but i will get actually sick for a few days if i over-indulge. but i crave sugar constantly, which doesnt really mean anything, lots of people crave sugar because It Tastes Good so its not exactly diagnostic. sometimes the sugar cravings seem uncontrollable, like "i need to get out of bed where i am trying to sleep and eat something sweet or i cant think about aything else" kind of stuff. my parents do this same dance with carbohydrates and sugar, they feel awful, eat a cookie, feel awful, recover, say stuff like "oh i shouldnt eat the cookie", and it cycles. some of it is eating disorder crap, which is real hard to differentiate from other issues. some of it is being underweight/underfed from gastroparesis (which I have, pretty badly) which means certain circumstances of calorie shortages, bad digestion, whatever, can align perfectly to trigger I Am Starving I Need to Overeat Right Now Or I'll Die programming in the ape brain, and again, thats real hard to separate from blood sugar symptoms and eating disorder symptoms because they all get tied up together.

however, if i manage to grocery shop in the correct way to provide myself with ample available appropriate food, and i can eat ketogenic or nearly-ketogenic with focuses on dairy fat and just regular animal meat and fresh veg, with minimal or no grains, starches, and sugars, i feel like 60% better on all axes. my dad, too, eventually, after he got diagnosed, was instructed to stop eating most carbs etc and immediately lost all the extra weight he was uncomfortable with his whole life, and immediately got less chronically crappy-feeling. so there's something going on, i just dont know if its medical or genetic or what. some people just dont do well with a lot of grains and theres no particular medical reason.

[aropride]

ok after thinking about it for several years i think what my deal is is that i had some form of subclinical pots that no one picked up on bc a) it wasnt debilitating b) most of my symptoms were attributed to asthma (fairly, again i dont think i Had Pots until i was older) and c) the others were attributed to anxiety (less fairly. Smile). Bc i do have memories of being pre-covid (and even as a kid/young teen but it definitely worsened when i was an older teen) being like. I cant wash my hair bc i feel like im gonna black out or If somoene doesnt get me a salty snack im gonna kill myself or when i was older i was really into losing vision when i stood up (which i attributed to having an ED which was probably also accurate- the worst of my ED was also when the symptoms started getting worse too) So it went like.

normal boy few (physical) problems -> develop eating disorder -> it gets Worst when im like 16 -> wow i kind of feel like shit all the time + am always tired + cant walk very long + i feel like im gonna black out standing but it doesn't affect my daily life too bad so it's chill (-> also attributed it to MI/dissociation Again why should i see a doctor i can gaslight myself on my own for free) -> get "really bad cold" in feb20 -> shaking covered in sweat ears ringing walking up stairs during in-person school sep20 -> started craving salt a lot more too -> think nothing of it, assumed my problems were universal -> eating disorder healing era but did not feel physically much better -> get covid in dec21 -> nearly pass out walking to the store -> frequently would actually pass out on my floor after going to the store -> dizzy all the time, weird cough that never went away -> find out what long covid is sometime in spring22, assume i don't have it (idky) -> find out what pots is in may22 -> Well i definitely dont have that Because my experiences are universal But just in case im gonna get really into salt -> wait that actually helps i think -> really bad body aches/etc when walking for too long (more than 5k steps) -> i thought for a while i got covid in june22 but in retrospect i don't think i did? (complicated reasons but tldr i think i misremembered due to the disorders) -> stay in my house for a year, now when i talk abt symptoms my mother just says it's bc i don't walk enough -> finally connect the dots btwn "bad cold" in 2020 and The Symptoms -> start school aug23 and hope my mother is right and not me -> my mother is wrong (MANY SUCH CASES) -> "bad cold" in nov23 (i tested twice on day 2 and 5 and both were negative, & wore kn95 whenever i was around people in case, but in retrospect it might have been covid) -> symptoms get worse -> i start Complaining bc im slowly realizing my symptoms Are Not Universal and most people are Not always in pain -> get covid in may24 -> Symptoms get worse -> my friends start pretty universally saying stuff like "please see a doctor" and "have you considered using mobility aids" and "i think you have a disability" -> Etc...

[plasmasimagination]

Hii

I'm very new in this plataform and the english is not my first language, so i'm very nervous. 😓

I saw your account for casuality and your open requests (if are still open) so, I'm here!

I can ask for a HSR and genshin matchup?

PD: I like your writing, I think it's cute and congratulations for yours almost 400 followers✌

She/Her

I'm pan, so I'm fine with anyone you think.💕

I'm ENFP and I'm pretty sure a 8w9.

I'm a bit like the tipycal sunshine character, optimish, always happy, extroverted, distracted... But I still a mature and wise person who sometime are very weird and feel like a strange, like so young and so old in the same time. (Ancient dreams from Marina is literally my song 😭)

I don't have a good relation with my family and I speake about them and my past never (That make me feel cringe) so, I considere myself like a bit mistery and reserved person for that and a others little things.

i love with all my soul the animals, the fantasie and sci-fi, whatever misterious-type things, philosophy and the classic fairy tales, I wanna be a writer and I have planned study philosophy.

I have a little problem with the authority for that I'm most a leader over a follower but if athe person is more capable and I respect that person i can follow the orden, and I'm very passionated when I have to defend my ideologys or when I saw a injustice, the discussions in my classroom are very interesant😅

My senses of self-preservation is almost non-existent, you know that character who always die for someone else? I'm them, I think this is the reason cause I'm a Griffyndor.

I'm very attached to my own moral, but no to the rules in general, so if I must be a alignment I would be a chaotic good.

I hate be alone, but I still fell very nervous in big crowds specialy if are very noisy, and places with no visible exits.

I can cry for whatever, I'm very kind, compassionate and affectionate all the time, i love help people in whatever, but i can be a little cruel with bad people.

I think that is all i can say about me, sorryyy id this is too long😭 i didn't know very well what write.

If you do this, so thaks to you, don't forget take care od you and a good rest.💕

HEY SWEETIE, THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING AND DONT WORRY YOU DID GREAT, and please, no need to be nervous you're way too sweet!

Anyways onto your request....

.

.

.

BLADE

Sunshine x grumpy

Fight me over this

It doesn't matter how you end up together, but what matters is that you are together and that's all thats important

He was very cautious of you in the beginning but later grew fond of you

He's okay with your want to be leading, he doesn't mind it at all actually, he appreciates it, he's more of a follower type of person that just does what told to

I think he would be a lot more laid back and sweeter around you, he wouldn't always be frowning or emotionless, occasionally smiling and generally enjoying your presence, it somewhat heals him in his eternal suffering

He will try to stop you from always putting others Infront of you, and will force you to take more care and be selfish from time to time

Kindness and compassion...you're gonna need that with him

You're like his safe place, he can trust you and actually tells you about him and his past.

Generally I think you guys would be very cute and that blade would appreciate a cute sunshine like you

SCARAMOUCHE

Rare matchup I do

But I also think that scara could use some sweetness in his life

No matter how much he denies it he absolutely loves you and your personality

He would burn the entire world down just to make you happy

At first he was very closed off and distant from you but got comfortable sooner or later and now he's all yours

Tho there might be a few discussions about who's gonna plan certain missions and who generally takes lead in the relationship (it's always gonna end up being you) but otherwise you guys are a great match

Do reassure him a bit and make sure he's doing fine because that boy needs it

[ebby172]

@isa-ghost per request, I continue to try and cook, tho I'm not exactly a writer xD

- he takes some sculk home because it's pretty and its a good touch for builds sometimes - this is a bad choice - he goes to use it later for a project (i dont remember rn if he's actually used it recently, but that's not super important) - hey that's so weird it seems he misplaced all that sculk he got, he has to go back to get more, so annoying :( - he's also been sleeping badly, now that he's back in hc his body (mainly his wings) have been healed plenty, but they still sometimes ache enough he struggles to rest - now I'm not too sure how it starts exactly, I kinda want it to be that he starts hearing the Scourge's whispering to him and mistake it for Kristin since he's so tired - the whispers grow as he works with the stuff, and he's surprised to find that the few times hes had to take a nap to skip the night or try and rest his body doesn't hurt as much after - it starts preying on his loneliness, it offers to not be alone again- you cannot when everything and everyone is a part of you. And doesn't he deserve that guarantee? isn't he tired of always losing those he cares about? doesn't he long for them to forever be a part of him? that is not greedy, isn't it love? -This possession is- or at least feels- more painless that when EK did it. As subtle as EK started, his work met a lot more resistance than the Scourge did (on account of there being no support system to help Phil this time, and so it being able to take all the time it wanted to get a hold of him) - I cant imagine Phil being as gone as he was with EK either, he's aware and in control of what hes doing most of the time, he's just convinced that the Scourge's goal is at least not so terrible, and its not like he's hurting anyone so far, so why does it matter? (so an altered common sense, basically) - but eventually it starts to demand he spread its influence more, because it's never enough -Phil has the wherewithal to not want to corrupt Rose's domain yet out of gratitude, so he decides to go as far as he can to delay it as much as possible - Don't think about how that means he;s also leaving one of the last options he'd have to remove the corruption, I'm sure his gratitude and respect of Rose was the only reason he felt compelled to leave :) - And that's how he end up on the jsmp, where I'm sure he'll be able to do what he came here to do without having to come to terms with what he's allowed to happen to him :D -as a little thought because we've only had one stream so far, I reckon Fit wouldn't clock the possession yet because its so different from last time, even if he can tell something's up with Phil -because if it was EK again Phil would surely be going for the bounties relentlessly, so he's probably sick and/or having a very rough time after what happened in qsmp

[captainstarburst]

hey can you tell me more about captain starburst. I think he's really cool hehehe

YES ID LOVE TO. i made a big post about him here a little bit ago, but i always love the opportunity to infodump so i will try my best to give a full summary of aaaalllll his stuff. under the cut of course. warning for some body horror? esque stuff because i talked about his weird body

SO starting off i'm actually gonna talk a bit about nix, because starburst is an AU of him. nix is a god from a place called the purpose, and his story has a few similar themes to starb's. they both have a lot of focus on guilt after hurting others. nix, as opposed to starb, is a lot more aloof and at times abrasive, while starburst is overly cutesy and joyful. nix is a god that was forced into a "hero" position (more of a villain in the broader scope of things, but told what he was doing was for the greater good) while starburst has dedicated his life to heroism. they both started in a similar place, but diverged, with nix turning towards more selfish goals and starb forcing himself to be nothing but selfless. i should probably make some kind of big summary post for nix too at some point since i feel like people know less about him even though hes like, the first one, but that's besides the point.

he comes from a universe called superverse, which is a collaborative setting between me and a bunch of friends. it's basically just Supheroes With Capitalism, most heroes are there for show and entertainment exclusively, even if that's at the detriment of those in surrounding. specifically, he was made by a company called AMOEBA, who makes furries and sells them as tools, or otherwise less than people. they grow them in tubes LOL. starburst was made to be handed off to.. i just say The Government there isnt really anything specified there because i dont know government stuff. but they wanted to use him destructively, just to do whatever for their gain. cartoonishly evil american government you know. he was their first project, and quite literally an explosive failure. when he was born he exploded the entire building he was made in. his body's kind of fucked up and so are his powers!

in terms of his biology, the most notable thing about that part of him is that.. his body's full of a SUPER strong acid, and that's used almost exclusively to? destroy his own organs. if theres too many. because his body ALSO regenerates his organs, and like, makes multiple of them. that's why he has two hearts! it doesn't happen all the time, but sometimes he just gets a new organ. and if he has too many his body gets rid of some extra ones! it doesn't hurt him, but i imagine it probably feels.... weird. but that's why he has two hearts!

all of his powers are emotion based, and EXTREMELY volatile. when he's feeling any kind of strong emotion, including positive ones, and doesn't have it in check, he's at risk of just.. generally being way too strong, leaving holes in things or breaking stuff he grabs, he generates warmth in states like that and if it comes to too much of a head he will quite literally explode. he can also create stars, big or small, think like.. the variety of sizes that plates come in. when he's in control of his emotions, the stars are round and glow a warm yellow, and when he's not, they're pointed and sharp and more of a gray/white. when he's excited he also tends to have little glowing floating stars appear around him! he also has slow falling and healing powers, both that he has to be calm and focused to use. for specifically his healing, he has to make a wish to use it (like wishing on a star).

he was on his own for a while after he came out of the tube, wandering aimlessly before eventually becoming enraptured by the idea of heroism and helping people. he didn't really understand that heroes were just for show, and that influenced how he went about his career later down the line.. but early on, any time he tried to help people, it just ended in fire or explosions or some sort of harm coming to other people. he has a lot of guilt and repressed feelings because of this, and it took him a long time to learn to control his powers.

i use him in roleplays with my friends, and i ALSO use nix in those roleplays. the reason he was able to control his powers was because of nix helping him learn, and the two getting closer and eventually dating. he has a lot of partners and a lot of his story beats around him meeting these people he ends up caring so much about and helping them, and in turn learning more about himself.

i go over this in the post i linked above so i'll try to be brief, but along with him learning to control his powers, the first big thing that skyrockets him into being a known hero is when AMOEBA comes after him. they kidnap people, get him to come back to them, he ends up stabbing the guy in charge in self defense trying to free those people, and eventually does get out with them. AMOEBA is never punished for this, but they do leave starburst alone after that.

before he was a recognized hero, though, he met another AMOEBA creation, russian roulette. they WERE successfully used as a government weapon, and mistreated greatly. they captured starburst at one point, then they both broke out, and then they got too scared of being close to someone and they ran away from him. they were recaptured and promptly punished, and with nowhere to turn their anger at the situation, they started blaming him for what happened to them. for a long while the two had a really long running thing of getting into fights or chases or whatever but russian roulette never actually having it in them to hurt him. eventually they both get trapped together and still they refuse to kill him, which leads to them eventually talking it out and both of them agreeing they don't really want things to change, but they don't want to actually fight anymore. they're also something like partners?? but not exactly. its complicated and starburst has a lot of strange relationships with people where he just doesn't mind them being weird or trying to hurt him in the past hes a weird little guy LOL

a similar thing happens to him with another hero, villian spectasy (his hero name is hocus pocus.) villian comes from wealth due to his father being semi-famous, and is a little bit.. too self centered for his own good. the two enter into a business partnership after handling a fight well together, that kind of just ends up as villian turning starburst into his sidekick.. while the two also get into a romantic relationship. eventually they get into a disagreement publicly, culminating in starb telling villian he doesn't want to be his sidekick anymore. villian's whole thing is him kind of learning to be a better person, and i didn't wanna just like.. leave him stranded after doing a bad thing, and i also like him, so he and starb don't break up. starburst really wants to see him become a better guy, and villian really wants to be better because of that. and eventually he'll learn to be better for just. the sake of it. i think it's sweet.

and FINALLY, i will talk about tesla and scelestic. both are owned by my friend @apotheoseity!! scelestic is a villain organization, one of the bosses there (TISM) turns people with powers into tools and what have you. not a good explanation ask him more about it LOL. but starb gets kidnapped by them, mostly so TISM can harvest the aforementioned acid in his body and turn it into.. weird acid grenades. that's not the important part though, while he's there he meets teslacoil! who is tism's adopted snake son. the two get REALLY gay really fast, despite.. the kidnapping? and the evil surgery, and all the villainy stuff? starb just gets googoo gaga about him. it culminates in starburst getting kicked out of being kidnapped for being too gay LMAO. but the two kept in contact and eventually got married! they're the perfect couple, despite how beautifully strange they are. starb also eventually ends up reconciling with TISM after he marries tesla, and now he's just TISM's weird son in law.

i wanted to focus on specific story beats with characters and plots, and thus the timeline for this is kind of incorrect. the actual order of events is more like this: early starburst stuff, before he meets much of anyone -> he meets russian roulette and they're together for a bit before they run off -> he gets with nix -> AMOEBA comes back for him and he solves that whole thing -> he gets kidnapped by scelestic and meets tesla -> he and tesla get married -> he and villian have their whole thing -> he and rouls reconcile

he also has some other connections i didn't touch on- his adopted son is @apotheoseity's maya, and he's also a father figure to @pbjpuppy's flicker. he's also dating his motorcycle (it's name is the star strider), a big slime guy named glumby (from another plot with villian), and @pbjpuppy's vinny!

and very important hes ME! hes a representation of a lot of stuff to me, and also just... literally a representation of me, i represent myself as him more often than not (and nix, he just tends to be the cuter of the two i guess?) he carries a lot of guilt with him, and in general pushes himself to be something that's soft and cute and nice for others, and disregards a lot of his own feelings. he does almost nothing but work, and even if his work is exclusively helping others, he still does nothing but doing things for other people and not himself. and that's really important to me. i imagine in the future he'll grow into better habits, but right now his flaws are very meaningful to me.

this is SO SO long im sorry. theres so much to this guy and theres so much to. everything i write and all my characters. but if you read it all THANK YOU!! i don't usually talk this in depth about my characters, and it can feel a little vulnerable to do so, but i want them to be enjoyed to their fullest. and thank you for asking about him it means so much to me that people wanna know more about my stuff!!!

[greatunironic]

Hi! So, maybe someone already asked you about this, im not sure, but I was reading The most remarkable thing once again, and it got me thinking, having in mind too your latest series Eating in the underworld, and I guess The other hand knocking too, in a way, but, like, you write a lot about grief, and loss. Or, like, it seems like is a common theme on your writting, and makes me wonder, is it a conscious decision? Why do you choose to write about that? it's just because as a writer, you like to explore the entire spectrum of human emotions, or there are more personal reasons? No need to answer that if it's too personal! Im just curious, thats all

It's kind of a risky emotion to write about, if you think about it, because anyone would usually associate it with pure, unfiltered angst, but somehow you manage to write about grief and make it feel healing, if that makes any sense? and it's so easy to relate to it, like Steve missing Hopp even before he's gone on Remarkable, or the way Steve's absence changes Robin and Dustin on Underworld, and the loss of innocence and missed chances on The other hand. It's like, you write about life, real life, but you never make it feel hopeless, or too much. it's just, i dont know. As I said, it's healing, in a way Anyway! It's perfectly okay if you dont want to answer this on public, i was just curious. In any case, I will see you on the comment section of your next fic! take care of yourself!

apologies for this getting lost in the inbox shuffle, but here's a (hopefully semi-coherent) answer for you!! (gonna put it under a cut tho because we might get a touch heavy)

part of it is because i do find it interesting, and the whole of human experience interesting; and grief is something that's there but never quite talked about, you know? we kind of sweep it and death under the rug even though it's something that we are all going to have to face at some point, in some way.

and i've talked before about how i have a lot of experience with cancer in my life (specifically with my partner and parents as survivors, with other family members lost to the disease), and i think a lot of my writing circling back to grief is because of that — especially my partner's, because i was relatively young for my mother's cancer + my father's was quite early and very contained, but my partner's second cancer i sat with them as they were diagnosed and attended chemo and had to sort of wrap my mind around this being a part of our lives going forward.

so writing about grief kind of became something i wanted to explore because it was this weird part of my life.

however more specifically to the story of "remarkable" — about six months before i started writing it, i unexpectedly lost my cat, who i'd raised from a baby, who predated my relationship with my partner, who kept me sane during grad school, who traveled across america with me twice — who was, for better or worse, in my heart, my son and the great love of my life. he was orange, and he was an asshole, and he was perfect, and he was eleven, and i had to make the decision to end his suffering when he experienced a massive stroke that left him almost entirely paralyzed.

i could barely write, after it happened. couldn't do a lot of things, actually. but writing "remarkable" was coming out of that fog, and finding joy again, if that makes sense. it was a way for me to tell myself that i was going to be okay, when i was ready, and that i would be okay in the future too. it wouldn't be great and it wouldn't be perfect, and i would never be the same person i was before, but i could be okay again.

(and i am! i still cry sometimes when i think about him but we're also starting to visit shelters and talk about adopting so!!)

[kaleidoscopic-quiddity]

ok wait now i wanna talk abt weird/interesting things from my experience getting top surgery. ive seen other ppl talk abt some of these things b4 but not all of em

i thought my surgeon was gonna do the incision, like, underneath the curve of my tiddies?? he ended up kinda slicing thru the middle of them, so my scars run over the middle of my pecs, not underneath them

speaking of; ig my pecs are more developed than i thought since my chest isnt like perfectly flat but rather both my pecs have a layer of fat/flesh on them and i can feel the muscle underneath

also the dip/space inbetween from when i had tiddies looks p much exactly the same, my surgeon said sometimes it ends up buldging out and a revision is needed but thankfully that didnt happen to me

the discharge nurse let me know afterwards that my tits were 11 kilograms (right 6kg and left 5kg) like no fucking wonder i have back pain at the tender age of 19

so yknow how pain raises ur body temp and makes u sweat?? immediately upon waking up i was so warm and damp i told a nurse id soiled myself and needed a change of underwear, i hadnt! i was just really fucking sweaty lol

i also threw up twice after waking up (fortunately into containers both times), turns out anesthetic doesnt agree w/ me, also it was like a dark bottle green?? since id been fasting from the night b4 ig i was bringing up nothing but bile

pre-surgery they cldnt get the IV in my left hand and had to switch to my right and ig that made my heart rate pick up bc one of the asistants immediately came by my head and talked to me to calm me down, he was rlly nice :)

im p sure i conked out within seconds of them getting the IV in and starting up the anesthetic too, none of that 'count back from 10' shit, i took like 2 and a half deep breathes and was OUT

from a combination of the iodine and natural swelling/bruising my chest looked REALLY yellow for like 3 weeks after surgery

i got sent home the same day i got my surgery, they keep some ppl over night if theres complications but apparantly i was all good to go after resting in the post-op ward for few hours

speaking of, i woke up, puked, got some water, dicked around on tumblr, called my mum, took an 'i lived bitch' selfie, slept for a few hours, woke up, went on tumblr again, got dressed w/ some help from a nurse, pissed (by myself, woo!), and then got discharged

my scars are uneven! my left incision goes further under my armpit than my right one, and my scars vary in thickness, it actually looks kinda like ive got two scars on my left side bc it thins out so much in the middle for a few milimeters

my nipples are also a lil uneven and they ended up puckering up as they healed so i kinda looks like ive always got stiff nips oops, also theyre more brown than pink

apparantly that might be bc they took the nipple graft from my areaola bc they werent able to graft the actual nipple, idk ¯_(ツ)_/¯, obvi it doesnt look perfectly like a cis guy's nipples but i knew the chances of achieving that were relatively small + p dependent on how i healed so like im not too bothered by it

my surgeon used dissolvable stitches and one of em ended up poking out thru my scar a lil b4 it disolved, which was weird

showering w/ a plastic sandwich bag duct taped to ur chest so u dont get ur scars and nips wet is An Experience TM i'll tell u that

my scars stretched!! it happens!! esp if u raise ur arms, which u will inevitably have to do eventually, idk if they'll ever fade on their own or if i'll need scar revision treatment in the future but fortunately they didnt go keloid

my surgeon used what he called crosshatched stitching rather than drains so that saved me a lot of discomfort, i DID get a slight build up of like, i think around 40ish mls of fluid in my left side a few weeks after surgery, but my surgeon dealt w/ it by p much just poking it w/ a syringe and draining it out lol

which i didnt even feel him do at the time bc of the nerve damage lmao, which was weird asf since i could very much SEE him sticking the needle in but couldnt feel it at all

i regained my mobility like, straight away?? my surgeon said bc im young + relatively healthy it was likely that id bounce back from surgery quick but like,, i had none of the exhaustion, pain, or immobility ive seen ppl describe??

i couldnt lift my arms very high for a while obvi but like i was fine dressing myself and even washing my own hair if i just leaned over

having to sleep upright for a few weeks after surgery was v annoying since i usually rotate like a shawarma trying to find a comfy sleeping position

the post-op chest binder was sensory hell bc it was scratchy and it kept slipping down my back since it had no shoulder straps, also i accidentally bruised my ribs a lil bit by wearing it too tight oops, the fuckin relief i felt when they told me i cld stop wearing it

the post-op 'please wear these at all times so u dont get thrombosis' socks were p comfy tho, idk why they didnt cover my toes tho

regaining the sensation around ur scars is weird! my right side's been completely fine but ig bc my left scar is thicker + longer ive been getting some pain n tightness, its not a persistent issue or anything but its just kind weird bc ive never had any surgeries or major injuries to heal from before this one

u will have to get ur boobs felt up and examined probaby multiple times b4 surgery, this will feel very different from touching ur own boobs and, in my case, was ticklish??

my posture has improved somewhat since getting top surgey, what not having 11kg of weight hanging off ur chest and compressing it in towards ur ribs/spine for roughly 9 hours a day will do to a mf ig

[platonic-qpr-selfshipping]

okay let me finally show you my updated f/o list!! I am also planning to add some s/i info but tbh i still havent gotten to it cause im procrastinating it while trying to relax doing other stuff klsdksj here it is!! (I am aware that the first photos look weird in phones so pls bare with me and put it in pc mode lmaoo im a carrd super-beginner)

now if you'd let me, Imma talk a bit about the changes just because

I wanted to get a bit more specific mentioning platonic f/os so even if I like many characters in sources like Obey Me, you can now see which characters I think my s/i would be the closest with :D!! I also played a bit with labels ig but I read this fic where Mammon said there was no need "to be anything" as long as we were in peace with each other and I felt that on a spiritual lvl so instead of overthinking how to label f/os sometimes I just put him as unlabeled lol I just love self inserting in his world being really close to him and he's my fav character of the game and all but ig it becomes hard sometimes to try to fit that into something so I said whatever, it's my little self insert world and they can do whatever they want that brings me comfort XD yknow, sometimes partnering concepts just feel off but at the same time I enjoy saying I am a Mammon simp cause I love the character so it's a bit of a mess in my brain sometimes, trying to make both my experience as a player and my s/i's fit for my best comfort

(yes this was another Mammon UR+ I did not get on Nightbringer)

talking about labels, I've decided to put all the Golden Deer as platonic soulmates :D! I think it suits us all and all the unique bonds they form with each other, and I thought that the whole thing of my s/i probably having this huge feeling of admiration and loyalty towards Claude felt better like this somehow, like it's a part of my s/i lore and not so much about what their relationship can be or not? I dont know if this makes sense worded like this but it seems to work out in my head XD I still plan to someday develop my s/i's story a lot so who knows

anyway, FRIENDS AND FAMILY!! I feel like it's pretty obvious that I've started to play Honkai Star Rail because suddenly I got a friend, a brother and a father from there- listen everytime I see the Astral Express Family written in the groupchat I emotionally cry happy tears (also I wouldnt be surprised if i ended up also f/oing Himeko in the future lmao, I love found families can you tell)

from Genshin Impact I've officially added Thoma as a platonic f/o :D!! (my hearts craves to befriend kind characters, yes) I think my Genshin s/i is probably the one with the most lore right now so I'm excited to write about this in the future! well,,,,, actually my Super Mario Bros s/i also has some info around themselves already,,,,,, like would you believe me if I told you I was already making up s/i lore while still watching the movie,,,,, the self-shipper experience huh.....

I love her

and do you know who I also love a lot.....?

those platonic f/os I've been mentioning in some reblogs lately saying I still havent talked about them......?

the dudes that may have taken over my brain recently using the power of friendship....?

yeah

yeah

aren't they the coolest tho

anyway I love them (repeating it as if i hadnt made it clear already) and I had to rewrite part of this cause I accidentally deleted it it so I think I'll finish it here ksdhkjs I believe there is a bit more to see in the carrd though, I'll put it in my pinned post soon :D! now if you'd excuse me imma go consume more hypmic manga as a healing experience, if you've read until here go drink some water, listen to Break The Wall and thank me later