#heal my post-heroes depression

[kylinym]

The trailer for Blemish Flaw (棕眼之谜) just dropped and I cannot contain my excitement to see so many people who worked on Heroes (天行健) reunited for a new project!

The main leads are Qin Junjie (Men San Dao) and Maggie Huang (Gege) but some supporting actors namely Jinna Fu (Ms Huo) and Pang Han Chen (Wang Jialuo) are also back.

It's so funny to see so many characters from Heroes reincarnated in the modern setting:

Men San Dao is still a detective but this time he's trying to find his fiancée who has disappeared without a trace.

Wu Lanshan (Gege) is married to an abusive husband whom MSD suspects to be the murderer of his missing fiancee.. and even in this timeline these two cannot help falling in love with each other!

And we got to see Wang Jialuo who now works as a policeman (somehow i'm not surprised at all!), pursuit of justice is in his blood!

The villain husband is played by Wang Duo (you might know him from a League of Nobleman). He's a ceramic artist and it seems that his modus operandi is to burn his victims in his kiln :D

The direct translation of the title 棕眼之谜 is "the Mystery of a brown eye" where the "brown eye" stands for dark spots that can be found in ceramics (i.e. porcelain) if they are contaminated with iron. Hmm i am curious to see how it'll pan out.

The aesthetics in this drama are quite strong, every shot shown in the trailer has a nice lighting and creative environment.

**MSD is totally not obsessing over his princess and how the heck could he take this photo for his crime board**

I know nothing about the original novel but I have absolute faith in the screenwriter (白一骢) and the director (卫立洲) as they have already proved they can tell compelling original stories, can't wait!!

[martyrbat]

world's finest (1990) #1

[ID: two in-universe drawings from two different orphan children talking about their heros. The first one is by Ann Gray, who's eight years old. She drew a surprisingly decent photo of Batman in front of a yellow background and wrote, ‘My hero — Batman. He is strong and fierce and he can beat anyone. He is very tall. He wears a cool suit with a bat on. He is not afrade of bullits and he saved my life (true). No one nows his reel name or address. the biggist crinminel in all the world could not make him sorender. Batman keeps gothum city safe for everyone and pets.’

The second drawing is by Zachary Sikes who's 12 and a half years old. He drew a photo of Superman using his heat vision as he flies. He wrote, ‘My Hero — Superman. My hero is Superman. He is able to fly and I have seen him lift up a car (with 2 peeple in it). If you hit him in the face then he will just laff. Every one likes him and he saved my life once. The big S on his shirt is for his name (Superman). He lives in Metroplis (where I used to life also). He keeps everything there in law and order.’ END ID]

[wonderjanga]

Biblical Marvel

This is connected to the Revival post. If you don’t want to go find that, let me give a quick summary of it. In that post, Mary and Freddy die a lot in their Marvel forms. As a result of this, Billy has to revive them a lot. It honestly stresses the poor boy out too because at the end of the Revival post, Billy finds some grey hairs. So, yeah.

Anyways, so people think Marvel is god sent in human form to protect them. (Let me also connect this to the Billy is Really Old post too. In that post, Billy has been a hero since 1940.) It explains why he hasn’t aged over the almost 80 years of him being a hero. Not only that but once, a homeless person asked him to turn water to wine, and he did, though that’s more a of Jesus thing.

Speaking of Jesus, some people think Mary and Junior are Jesus split in two. I mean, Mary has blue eyes (from C.C.) and brown hair (From Marilyn) for Christ’s sake. Not only that but her name is Mary. Maybe Jesus/Mary is honoring his/her mother. And as for Junior, maybe Mary took the looks and he took the gender?

Marvel: *sorting through letters and replying to a bunch of fan mail while sitting at a table in the kitchen.*

Wonder Woman: *Sitting next to him, eating ice cream*

Flash: *zips over and is now leaning on Marvel’s shoulder looking at the fan mail* “Dude, is that fan mail?”

Marvel: “Yup.” *finishes replying to a letter and putting it in the ‘done’ pile*

Flash: “How do even get fan mail? Do they know your address or something?”

Marvel: “Whiz Kid.” *picks up a super fancy looking letter*

WW: “Pardon?”

Marvel: “Whiz Kid. He gets them, and then he gives them to me.” *opens fancy letter*

Flash: “Wait, that little dude who does the radio show?”

Marvel: *Doesn’t like being called little but thinks it would be weird for him to defend himself while in Marvel form* “…Yeah… That ‘little’ dude.” *Takes out letter and reads it before sighing*

WW: “What’s wrong?”

Marvel: “The pope asked me to dinner again.” *sighs again and puts letter down on table to slouch and spin in his chair like a depressed little kid* “Now I gotta think of another excuse.”

WW: “The pope? As in the Catholic pope?” *eats bite of ice cream*

Flash: *looks to WW* “You know who the pope is?”

WW: *looks to Flash* “Yes? Flash, I may be from Themyscira, but I’m not completely ignorant of man’s world.” *looks to Billy* “If you don’t mind me asking, why don’t you want to go?”

Marvel: *shrugs as he slows his spinning to a stop, having came up with an excuse. Picks up letter and starts replying* “I don’t know. Do you want to have dinner with a guy you’ve never met?”

WW: “I see. I suppose not.” *goes back to eating ice cream*

or

Mary: *Watching a show on a TV in Mount Justice*

Robin!Tim: “Mary? Could you help me with something?”

Mary: *pauses show* “Huh? Yeah sure.” *flies over to Tim* “What’s the problem?”

Robin!Tim: *sitting at the kitchen at the counter with a laptop* “Can you tell me everything you know about angels? I’m writing a paper about it for school.”

Mary: “Oh. Uh, sure?” *Proceeds to talk Tim’s ear off for the next 15 minutes about angels and their different types and personalities and such*

Robin!Tim: *finishes paper* “Thanks a lot.” *closes computer and hops off chair*

Mary: “No problem, but why’d you ask me specifically? Why not use the internet?”

Robin!Tim: “Aren’t you like the primary source?” *heads back to his room*

Mary: *confused*

or

*Captain Marvel flies down and asks to pet a woman’s dog when all of a sudden, a mother holding a child runs up to him*

Mother: “Please cure my child!” *holds child out to him* “You can perform one of your miracles, right? Please!”

Marvel: “What?” *looks between Mother and child.*

Child: *looks really sick*

Marvel: *gets concerned at the sick child* “You haven’t taken him to a hospital?”

Mother: “It’s too expensive! Please! Just this once.”

Marvel: “Uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhh…” ‘Solomon! Help me!’

Solomon: ‘Repeat after me, Billy’ *proceeds to rattle off healing spell*

Marvel: *repeats spell and heals child*

Mother: “Oh, thank you! Thank you!” *hugs child tight* “I’ve never been much of a religious nut, but now I’ll have to start believing more. Thank you so much!”

Marvel: *Little confused by sudden mention of religion* “Your welcome? Have a good day, miss.” *floats off the ground, giving her a little wave before flying off*

or

*Freddy is hanging outside one of a meeting rooms in the Watchtower because he wasn’t allowed in due to the face he looked like a kid. He’s now talking to someone on the phone.

Junior: *talking on a phone he magicked from God knows where while floating a foot or two off the ground*

Kid Flash: *bored out of his mind, leaning against a wall, standing next to him cause he also wasn’t allowed in for the same reason*

Junior: *ends call*

Kid Flash: “Who were ya talking too?”

Junior: “My friend, Cain.”

Kid Flash: “What, like bible Cain?” *was joking*

Junior: “Yup.” *didn’t realize he was joking*

Kid Flash: “What seriously? The Cain from the Bible? The Cain that stabbed his brother? The Cain that’s immortal because he stabbed his brother?”

Junior: “Yup.” *starts typing on phone, a little too nonchalant about the conversation*

Kid Flash: “And Cap just lets you be friends with him?”

Junior: “Uh yeah? Why wouldn’t he? You know he’s friends with him too, right?”

Kid Flash: “Wait really? Shouldn’t they hate each other or something?”

Junior: “No? Cain’s pretty chill.”

Kid Flash: *blinks a couple times at that* “Huh.” *he seems a little surprised*

*The meeting ends and the heroes file out of the meeting room before Kid Flash can ask another question*

[pseudowho]

Okay, hiiii, hello there, your Papamin writings are awesome and literally healed my depression?? They're so wholesome and cozy it gives me funny fuzzy feeling in my chest, thank you so much.

I'm so pleased you love them! I've been having a lot of fun doing them, usually just as they pop into my head. I'll keep writing them, as and when they occur to me.

In case anyone wants to read any of the Haitch's Nanami x Reader & Yuuji Papamin series, I've linked them below.

I'll keep this post as the Master link for the Papamin/Yuuji series, and update it regularly.

Haitch's Nanami x Reader & Yuuji Papamin Masterlist

Updated: 2nd January 2025

Requests considered.

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

Fathers Day -- Yuuji tries to buy Kento lunch, and Kento misses the point. Papamin x Reader.

Disappointed -- Yuuji puts himself in danger, and Kento chastises him for his poor decisions. Papamin x Reader.

Con-Artist -- Kento has plans for the summer vacation- not that he'll tell Yuuji about them. Papamin x Reader, conning a teenager together.

Conbini -- Itadori Yuuji didn't like Kento, at first.

Next of Kin (feat. Bonus Papa Higuruma) -- Yuuji is arrested on a mission, and Kento calls a friend to help bail him out. Papamin x Reader, feat. Higuruma Hiromi.

Shaving Lessons -- Kento teaches Yuuji to shave. Papamin x Reader.

Not-Father -- Kento tries to hide his care of Yuuji from his new girlfriend. His girlfriend shows Kento exactly what she thinks of that. Papamin x Reader.

Playtime Heroes -- Kento tries to rescue you from your daughter after a long week...so Yuuji rescues him.

Simp -- Yuuji calls Kento a simp, so Kento shows him what it means to truly love someone.

Millennials -- you and Kento are thrown by Yuuji's Gen Z vernacular, so clap back hard.

First Impressions -- Yuuji needs to make sure he's getting off on the right foot, the first time he meets a new member of the Nanami family.

The Talk -- Yuuji has a date...so Kento gives him 'the talk'.

Bunny and Bear-- things go bump in the night in the Nanami household. Feat!Big Brother Yuuji.

Clutch Hitter/Baby Driver-- Itadori Yuuji can't drive...until it's an emergency. Feat! Driving Lessons with Nanami Kento and Reader.

Love,

-- Haitch xxx

[tryslora]

Disability in fiction

This was a tough post to write. 

I saw a post about disability rep, and I kept thinking about it, and wanted to share my own takes on the topic. 

I thought about it for days, trying to figure out how to word it. Then after drafting it, I stuck it in a file for a couple of weeks, trying to decide if I could even post it. This is not a topic that can be boiled down to a simple yes/no kind of answer.

Let’s start with two examples.

1 - I have a short story I started writing (it wants to grow up to be longer, so it’s waiting for time) where my original concept was to write about an older woman who is short and has major chronic pain, and I wanted to dig into fantasy reasons why this pain exists, but at the same time, have her be able to kick ass despite being exhausted and dealing with excruciatingly painful issues.

2 - I once drafted a portal fantasy storyline wherein a young man was transported into a fantasy world, and when he was given a horse to ride, he approached it very warily. He was encouraged to mount, did so, and sat there and exclaimed in shock, “My brain isn’t exploding with snot!” because his allergies hadn’t come with him into the body he had in the fantasy world.

Both stories were designed to be fun, a bit light, maybe even cozy.

So.

In one case, the disabled character remains disabled and kicks ass anyway. And in the other case, the character is magically “healed” and no longer has debilitating allergies that had wrecked his way of life.

This is the difficult part to express: I think both storylines are valid.

Bear with me while I dig into this.

First and foremost: I completely agree that we need more representation in all forms of fiction, especially when it comes to disabled people being able to live their lives. Characters with missing limbs, or non-neurotypical brains, or anxiety & depression, or hearing issues, or sight problems, or chronic pain, or… or… you get the idea. We need all of it, and we need it to not need to be magically healed in order for a story to be considered happy and cozy. Disabled people can be happy, too.

I’m all in for this, and I wouldn’t write the stories I do if I weren’t.

However, there are also moments where I am so exhausted by my body and by everything I deal with inside of it where I do wish for that magical ability to forget that my pain exists. Or for the ability to actually process information in a straight line, or make decisions without writing a hundred lists and accomplishing nothing from them. Or to be able to lie down in a field of grass without regretting it for days while I drip snot and fight sinus-pain-induced migraines.

Sometimes I want to imagine that my life is different.

And that is one of the joys of writing. I can choose to write a story where people like me or the people I know are the heroes/heroines exactly as they are, different abilities and all. Or I can choose to write a story where the problems magically resolve.

Both can be cozy, sweet, and adorable. I can give the character with chronic pain the ability to kick ass, take names, and have a sweet reunion with her ex-girlfriend. I can show all the ways that my disabilities may define how I handle my life differently than someone else, but do not define what I can and cannot do.

But I can also daydream about a life where it’s different, the same way I can daydream about having wings, or being able to teleport. For me, imagining a day with no pain is the same as a day where I can walk through walls. It is absolutely a fantasy, and about as likely to happen.

Here’s the thing: It’s okay to be angry to see what looks like disability being erased. It’s okay to wonder why the author did that, why they magically healed someone instead of letting them be who they were. But at the same time, maybe ask why, and what point of view it’s coming from. Or look a little deeper into the story and how the resolution occurs, and the effect it does have on the character (I suspect that were I to suddenly have a day of no pain, I’d be intensely reckless, given what an idiot I am while IN pain, y’know? And WOW would I regret that later…).

And for authors, think about what you’re writing. WHY is this particular event (keeping disability, erasing it, whichever or both) happening, because the reader will take note of it. They may see things that weren’t intended, but are there as unintentional biases.

Make conscious decisions for why things happen.

Someday I want to get back to both of those examples from the start of this post; I still like both concepts. But I’ll be writing them for very different reasons, and both will be healing my soul in different ways. Different kinds of daydreams. And again, I think that’s valid, too.

[voidstateho]

STOP ASKING OTHERS TO ENTER THE VOID FOR YOU.

TOUGH LOVE. NOT BLAMING ANYONE OR ACCUSING: THIS POST IS ALL /LH 💜

i just saw a 🙃 post saying "all people who entered the void are selfish because my life sucks and so do others so you MUST ! enter the void for me! and them."

homie! We are entering the void for ourselves, and if you want to, you can enter for others. The void is supposed to be fun. You are the one being SELFISH by demanding people enter the void to manifest for yourself and thousands of others. Why are you yelling at them when you cant log off tumblr for one second? I know you are angry. your conditions probably suck ass. I GET IT. this is coming from someone who's never entered the void but posts revelations on here for help and has gotten SO CLOSE. want to know whats gotten me close? i logged off for a bit. touched grass/lh even. i stopped being jealous of others. I worked on myself and my mindset and now the void is so easy I might as well be there. Why are you so trusting of others that you DEMAND them to enter the void for you and to harass and blame bloggers when YOU 🫵🏻 can't even trust yourself to enter. TW!: Ik you are suicidal i get it. I have an abusive mom who gave me situational depression and I have to wait to join the military bc of it to get off my meds. Im working my ass off to transfer bc my home is abusive and when I go back i always gain like 10 pounds from stress existing there. My mom is the sole reason for my OCD and attempts. But you know what i don't do? Blame other successful bloggers and demand they solve everyone else's problem and act like people are suffering bc they wont enter the void for them like they are the hero's who are ignoring you to change your world. Im not trying to be harsh on you. Leave them alone. Let them enjoy their success because they deserve to and aren't selfish. They DID SOMETHING. Relearn Loa, get a job if you can, touch grass-perhaps/j? This might be harsh. But I needed this back then too. Read a book watch a movie or something. Watch like, the Matrix, im serious it has a lot of LOA references. Have FUN with the void and quit yelling at these bloggers when they are trying to help you, not solve your problems. They are not the reason for you and others problems. They cannot help you but they CAN give advice which they post, and motivation; use it. let me make this clear: you can enter the void with a bad mental mindset. you are not running out of time. or you need to back off the app and take a break and forget about it, heal and come back from it. Yall seriously making me angry for these creators, i used to be a jealous mf as well. But im close bc i healed. Be patient with yourself. Take care of yourself.

YOU AND YOUR MENTAL HEALTH, HEALTH IN GENERAL COME FIRST BEFORE SHIFTING OR VOID OR WHATEVER.

Thanks 🤝

-Tired mf seeing others be blamed for not saving the mf world and being called selfish for it. Let them rest and have peace. You're ignorant as well but seriously anyone can enter, we all are the same. I believe in you if you don't believe in yourself. You will be fine. 💜💯💯

[hamliet]

Excited for your thoughts on the bnha ending

Also I’ll be honest I dropped this like 200 chs ago and I’ve just kept up through your metas because I was so disillusioned with the manga 🥲 I even sold my copies

it's a bit bittersweet to see bnha handled this way. sometimes i think we'll get a promising continuation from the author which is major cope for me T.T

fix its are otw but damn it doesn't mend that it ended this way rn

Diff asks, answering together.

Not saying too much because there's not much to be said besides that a friend who wrote a meta who won't post it (to all our detriment!) said it best last week: this story is cowardly. It's afraid to say or do anything because it wants to make everyone happy and realized it can't, so now it just wants to make no one upset, but everyone's upset.

I feel sad for Horikoshi. His recent interviews are quite depressing, and he seems burned out and done with his own manga in a way that makes Gege look enthusiastic about JJK.

Like, he doesn't confirm Touya dead or alive--which frankly I will take--but leaves it up to the reader to decide. Is the doctor's word final, or is Touya crying a symbol of healing since he previously couldn't? I know which one I choose to believe, but this way people can choose to fit the manga into their personal beliefs. He's trying to say nothing to avoid rocking the boat. And that's just sad, especially when we consider what likely contributed to that.

Which is to say, on a purely story level, the story has no power. There's being open to other perspectives and then there's not having a message. This is sadly the latter. It's a mess. Deku "heroes save" doesn't save, but he's still heroic, but that line isn't demolished or destroyed. AFO may be dead, but he won in the end because what he used to taunt Deku came true. Deku's character is nothing more than a vehicle--no struggle, no emotional climax, no principles. The ships are not even confirmed because the story can't even commit to the obvious Ochaco/Deku (which I dislike even!) for fear of angering other loud shippers. Society is the problem, but also the answer. The hero system is the problem, but also the answer. It's not a paradox because it doesn't explain the layers at play here. It's just noodles that have cooked far too long and turned into a congealed mess.

The only message I can take from it is "yay authoritarianism" which I'm going to hope Horikoshi is saying accidentally (and most likely is). It's as meaningless as GoT season 8, and TROS, and that's not good company to be in.

[hello-universe-lovers]

"I don't want to go back..."

On the first day of Chris--oh wait it's already passed in my timezone. Nvm. Anyway, Broken is done, yaaay! The girlfriends are reunited! Anyway, you know how it is. Spoilers beware!

So my interpretation of the Broken is a lil more...healthier than canon. I mean, she's still a depressed bean and all but unlike Cold, she's medicated/hj. Much like the Opportunist, I stamped way too many HCs onto her (actually my bf did, bc he's disabled and he's where I get most of my ideas from) so she is not 1-to-1. But when has a lil canon divergence stopped anyone? I still am happy with how she turned out and how her disability affects her!

Details time:

- Her Princess is the Wild. And the separation from her was rough on Broken. Because of her empathy, she truly thought that being connected was the right call. We both know how it ends, and the resulting split took her legs. When they got to the Wounded Wild, both can see the damage they caused the other, and so agreed to move forward from the pain, getting to know each other.

- She obviously lost her legs, up to her thighs are root. And they also sprout from her head, too. The flower is just to hide the hole that are now in her skull.

- her wings were stripped bare, boney and unable to grow new feathers. So she opted to wear a shawl over them so they didn't hurt.

- her walk is more like a waddle, if she's doing it alone. She'd prefer to move with assistance (mainly Cheated) but if push comes to shove, she'd move on her own...very slowly.

- she is still connected to the Wild. And more often than not, she'd go to her to assimilate into the system. It's mainly a coping and calming thing, as she and Wild talk better through this direct connection. To her, this is the equivalent of going to your friend's house for some chit-chat.

- her clothes were made by Smitten to be as comfortable and easy to pull off as possible.

- her talons are frequently trimmed

- as stated in headcanons, she smokes weed. Medicinal weed to cope with the pain.

- Obviously, sometimes things hurt. Her legs are a big contribution to the pain, but her head, chest and arms also flare up. It's something that happens and while she groans and moans about it, she'd just lay still until she can move again. (And pain medication if they are REALLY bad)

- the cane was provided by Wild. It's perfect for her and if you forcibly take it from her hands, the cane turns into a root to strangle you.

- it's hard to get her motivated to do so, but almost every voice has experience the Broken Bonk™️ of Disapproval from her cane (the ones who haven't are Connie, Hero and Cheated)

- she has channel most of her self hatred to unfiltered sass. She will call you out on bullshit while using herself as the goal post. ("At LEAST I have no legs. What's your excuse?" Is an example).

- wheelchair is also optional for long distance travel.

- if anyone can draw the back of her head, I will give you a free doodle. I just wanted to give her curls but idk how to make thst look, if you're looking from straight behind her.

- Despite EVERYTHING, she still loves the Wild. She views her as a fellow person looking to heal. With Cheated included, they formed a little support group for all the trauma these poeple went through. Mainly through providing a calming and empty space to get away from the chaos and noise of Construct (and sometimes each other).

- is she as zealous as canon Broken is with Tower? Eeehhh...a little. She would much prefer the interpersonal connection and sense of completion the Wild provides than the Distant but guaranteed Protection of the Tower, but separate the 2 princesses, and she'd still grovel to Tower exactly like canon.

- it goes without saying but I will say it so it's clear: if you draw my version of Broken, draw her with her mobility aids (Cane and/or wheelchair). They are a part of her and me and my bf would appreciate it greatly, if you do that.

Ok, that's all. If it's still Christmas in your timezone, then Merry Christmas!!

[theeio]

If u have the time could you pls give us ur jim analysis based on this post im very interested in hearing it

headsup for some heavy mental health talk:

so my interpretation of jim, and the reason why i drew him the angsty way i did was because i looked at his character in ToA from like, a mental illness metaphor perspective. i dont think(?) it was ever the showrunner’s intention to do that, but its just a personal way i viewed it bc i saw and felt a lot of his struggles between the lines of the series.

like in episode 6: Win Lose or Draal- where Jim thinks hes going to get killed in battle, writes letters to his loved ones, cooks a last meal for his mom, felt and acted like was the last day he was going to live. Claire interpreting his letter to her that he was talking about having “internal monsters” and “being in some kind of trouble” didnt help much as well AHAH

jim hiding so much from his mom, that one shot in season 1 episode 12 or 13 where he hides the damage on his arms from the goblins behind his back-AHHHHH

and dont get me started on the bathtub scene in A House Divided like idk what the showrunners were thinking doing that but okay i guess😭 that one made me sob on the floor like TWICE

and Jimhunters-god that really felt like your life being altered, and seeing everything in a much darker lens when going through depression. the first time i watched it and when Jim ran to the school rooftop i was legitimately horrified and scared out of my MIND but thank god they didn’t go much beyond that. STILL. thanks for the heart attack 😭😭😭

so back to the tags on that post:

i never liked a hero w a thousand faces because of how chaotic and exaggerated everything was but i guess its because it was different parts of jim split and personified.

but i guess it just messed me up seeing that episode again and having Hunter Jim, the highest functioning one out of them all being the one hunting HIMSELF DOWN, one by one. it really felt like a lot of self loathing going on, and he literally was looking to “kill” other parts of himself, and then the Real Jim as a whole. sorry that was jumbled up and a lot but it was what made me go like

thats kinda the gist of how i saw some moments of Jim’s character back then, and i guess it explains why so much of my art leans towards angst and that hurt comfort, because of all those interpretations i had going on in my head. it was rough a couple years back and this series helped me to reflect and process a lot of what happened and the feelings i had, through Jim. it was a like a safe little sandbox i could toss around in and it genuinely helped so much in healing :”D!! so yeah its more of a personal take, but hope this answers ur question?

ty for sending this ask!! hope you’re well💖💖💖

[softxsuki]

Hi, this ia kind of an emergency request because i had been feeling really suicidal lately and i thought that maybe reading some angst/confort would help ❤️‍🩹

Soo, i wanted to ask for Izuku in which his bestfriend had been feeling like super suicidal and she has been selfharming.

Thankss 🫶

Midoriya Comforts Sui*idal Reader

| Pairing: Midoriya x Gn!Reader (PLATONIC) | Genre: Comfort/Angst | Post-Type: Headcanons | Word Count: 470 |

Warning: mentions of suicidal thoughts, self-harm, depression

Note: Hope this helps :) <3 and for everyone reading this, urgent requests are now closed for the rest of April, I'll have three more spots open in May :D

Our gentle boy, Midoriya, is great at reading people

So when you begin to isolate yourself and plaster that fake smile on your face whenever you’re with your friends together, he knows something is up

But he’s a little awkward and doesn’t know how to bring it up without accidentally hurting your feelings or making you feel uncomfortable–that’s the last thing he’d ever want

So despite the anguish that hits his heart when you show up at his door with tears in your eyes, he’s relieved that you’re finally opening up to him

He was your best friend, someone you knew you could always rely on, and your favorite hero despite also being a hero as well, you wanted to put your trust in him

So you tell him everything; how you’ve been feeling recently, the self-harm, the thoughts of suicide that terrified you, yet sometimes felt like your only option

And he listened to every word, holding one of your hands as he traced small circles into your skin, encouraging you to continue speaking, not an ounce of judgment in his eyes as you pour your heart out

“Y/N, you’re my best friends, I wouldn’t be where I am today without your support. I’m thankful everyday that you’re alive by my side, I’m just sorry that I haven’t been giving you the same support to where you feel this way now. I’m sorry”

You quickly tell him that it isn’t his fault, he was a great friend who always helped you out and was there for you when you needed him, your problems were rooted deeper and would take longer to heal from

But with Midoriya by your side, you’d be able to get through anything now that he was aware of your situation

He’d show you that life was worth living one day at a time while offering to get you professional help as well, even if it was just having a professional to talk to about your feelings once a week so they could help guide you in the right direction

In the meantime though, he’d do whatever he could for you, showing you beautiful things in the world, making sure you wouldn’t hurt yourself again, and helping you be happy again, no matter how long it takes

“I’ll show you the little things in this world that you won’t want to miss, so stick around so you can see them all,” he says with a smile

Nothing changes with your friendship, he treats you the same, but perhaps is a little more aware and direct with making sure you’re doing okay and reaches out first if he suspects you’re not doing too well

Very attentive and kind as usual, wants the best for you so you can feel like yourself again without the dark cloud hanging over your head

Posted: 4/22/2024

[lazyscience]

Dungeon Crawler Carl Challenge

[EDIT: PARTY IS FULL, alas I have hit a wall for how much AI I am able to write in a single evening. thank you all though for there being enough interest to actually take time :) ]

So I've been feeling pretty low the last few months. I know I'm not the only one riding that struggle bus, that a good number of the friends and mutuals around these parts are also feeling um. Uninspired, by current events. Demoralized, saddened, angry, confused, bereft - some of all of that.

One of the things I've been enjoying over the last year or so have been the Dungeon Crawler Carl books; some of you are probably also familiar, given a number of tabletop RPG folks hang out around these parts. If you haven't tried them, I heartily encourage them - they're cartoonishly violent, thoroughly offensive to anything resembling a religious or socially conservative sensibility, laden with body horror, full of cocker spaniel slander, and wildly vulgar in a teenage-boy sort of way. They are also full of complex and interesting female characters, affirmative masculinity, kindness in great duress, found family, anti-capitalism, pro-skepticism and determination in the face of overwhelming odds. A LOT of shit blows up. And the hero's wisecracking BFF is a Persian cat who is half Real Housewife, half neglected child.

The point of all this introduction to say: the titular Carl's mantra with which he is surviving the dungeon is, You will not break me.

And damn if I don't think he's got a point.

Spraytan Hitler getting inaugurated and nominating his bumbling coterie of asskissers to the Cabinet? Fuck him. Not gonna break me.

Morons trying to take rights, safety and bodily integrity away from people I love? Fuck them, not gonna break me.

People at work making THEIR months of fucking around MY workload problem now? Fuck that, not gonna break me.

Stupid chronic pain? Fuck it, not gonna break me.

Stupid depression and anxiety? Fuck no. Not gonna break me.

Now, dear reader, your challenge, should you choose to accept (you don't need to be a longtime follower or a follower at all, just a fellow crawler in this bullshit dungeon that is currently our lives who would like to stick it to The Corporation/The Universe At Large)

The AI of the dungeon likes to give Achievements. These are snarky, profane, moments of catharsis when you've finished a quest or defeated an enemy describing your reward (frequently just 'you're still alive, good for you') And since I don't have the wherewithal to send you guys the Celestial Benefactor Boxes you're out there grinding for, that's all I can give you - but if you want 'em, tell me what quest you've beaten/mob you've splattered each day and I'll give you an Achievement.

Mobs can be tasks you've been dreading, phone calls you don't want to make, awkward conversations, doctor's visits you don't want to schedule.

Quests are good things you're doing for yourself. Working out/making opportunities to move in any way? Making art/crafting/writing/other creative endeavors? Learning a new professional or personal skill? Reading longform books (of whatever genre) instead of doomscrolling? Making an effort to heal your relationship with food in ANY way you think is appropriate FOR YOU? Treating yo' self? Pedicures are a buff in the dungeon! (it's probably best to not ask why)

Party up - when we're doing something with/for others - or letting others help us - we are stronger together than we are apart.

Some days, all you're up to is staying alive. Just staying alive is a worthwhile accomplishment.

I am going to try to every day for the next 30 to post at least one mob I've fought, quest I've been working on, or party I've joined. And anybody who would like one, reblog mine with yours and I'll give you an Achievement.

Now get out there, crawlers, and kill, kill, kill!

[shutupineedtothink]

Ok so my friend and I just recorded 4 HOURS of raw audio breaking down the OUAT pilot, season 1 finale, and discussing the show in general for our new podcast where we make each other watch episodes of our favorite shows and talk about them together. It’s exactly as fun as you would imagine. :)

But even after all that, I still have things I forgot to say or didn’t get to. So here’s a few of them:

1. “Evil” as addiction: the OUAT writers treat the concept of being evil like addiction/substance abuse which is really interesting and kind of a bold choice for a 2011 show about fairytales. Then within that structure they show basically the two choices you have when facing addiction: choose not to use and become a better, healed version of yourself (Regina) or keep using and stay stuck in your patterns and hurt everyone you love forever (Rumple). As a child of an alcoholic who has chosen the latter, I loved watching Regina’s journey in this context and while she stumbles a lot, she keeps striving to be good even though she gets the short end of the stick most of the time. And her North Star is always Henry, which I think is important to show that you don’t just change because you feel like it, there usually has to be the threat of something worse happening if you don’t change (in this case, losing Henry physically and emotionally).

2. Regina Mills might be the most psychologically complex and interesting character on prime time tv in the 2010s? Period??

3. I rambled a good bit in the podcast about the costumes and color symbolism but here’s a bit more for you: Once Regina is on team heroes she often wears some kind of red top (the hero’s color) with a black jacket/coat over it showing that she’s changed on the inside but she still *looks* like the evil queen on the outside and can now use that persona/power to her advantage instead of being consumed by it. By the end of S5 this contrasts with Emma who wears her signature red jacket but a black/white/gray sweater underneath, showing that she’s a little more of a mix of good and evil these days post-dark one. In a color sense, they’re almost mirror images of each other at this point, and it’s really cool.

4. I know a lot of people are really salty about how Emma’s light kind of dims toward S4, 5, 6, and I’m right there with you. Her character feels flatter, and honestly kind of depressed. Now idk if this was a real choice on the writers’/JMo’s part, if she was going through some stuff at this time and it just showed up in the character, or what. That said, it does track for me in a way, especially post-dark one. She should be kind of thrown off by everything that’s happened! She should be changed! I just wish they had done something with it instead of pretending it was normal. If Regina’s struggle with evil is analogous to addiction, why can’t Emma’s struggle with evil be analogous to depression? It would have been an interesting take. Somebody write the fic.

I could keep going but I’ll stop here for now. Stay tuned for the podcast!

[on-a-lucky-tide]

Ok so, I love all the shorts you post on here, you are building up a background of Competent Officer but Emotionally Stunted Price and Emotionally Intelligent and Badass Nik. Cool, fabulous.

But I've got to ask; what is Nik's sore spot?

With the extra decade it does make sense that he is more sure of himself and his relationships generally but you did touch on it with the body image/food one and mentioned it in passing with the how they met bit. Does the age gap get to him sometimes? All the loud machines (and guns) is he worried about his hearing going?

Or, his English is pretty good but does he sometimes get lost with fast speakers/strong accents?

What about something more silly? Is he fine with spiders but gets freaked out by daddy long legs (like me)? Is he wildly afraid of moths? Is he fine with big injuries but if he get a papercut is it the end of the world? Does he suffer terribly from Man Flu?

On a more domestic note, what irritates Price about him? I mean, no one is perfect right?

Does he always leave the bathroom in a state? Do all the broken noses mean he snores like a bear with a head cold (admittedly that might apply to Price as well)? Is he like my Dad and has very strong opinions on adverts and regularly go on rants about how the ad has nothing to do with the product? Does he like Marmite and Price hates it (or vice versa)?

Some excellent questions. I think Nik's weaknesses or vulnerabilities are tied up with his strengths, which I know sounds weird, but hear me out:

- This man is mad intelligent. He speaks eight languages, he canonically can fly pretty much anything (from what I've seen). He was significant enough in knowledge and skills for MI6 to go for him twice. Weakness: his intelligence can sometimes make him coldly logical. Look at how he didn't even blink twice at terrifying Butcher's family; I think that feeds well into Price's ruthlessness. He cares deeply about those he loves, but if you're not "his"? He won't even blink when pulling the trigger if it will help meet his goals.

- Linked to the above, he values his physical strength and his intellect. They make him worth something and he doesn't feel he has any intrinsic worth just as Nik. (Overbearing and demanding Soviet General father made it clear Nik needed to earn his place in the world.) If he feels they are declining or lessening, this is going to throw him through a loop. Big time. (Well noted from the food ficlet.)

- I think he was hugely, perhaps even suicidally, depressed when he turned informant. That conflict of loyalty and morality would have been difficult for his mind to process. I think that explains his apparently unflinching loyalty to Price and Laswell. In his eyes, they saved his life by giving him a purpose. (Nik you stupid fuck you literally set up Chimera and you're a hugely wealthy arms dealer off your own back wtf mate.) Nik never really had time to heal from that, he papered over it and got on with the job. I think as he settles down with Price, he will need to go to therapy. A lot of it.

- He is untidy (not unclean) at home. Laundry on the floor by the basket, never puts books away, gets fixated on a project at the expense of other things. It's like he left the military and his psyche rebelled against the bits he hated the most. Price can't compute how he can be so clinical at work and yet a complete clusterfuck at home. The garage is full of vehicles and appliances he disassembled and never put back together. Man's lucky he's dynamite in bed.

Nik is a "good" man in so far as he can be in a morally grey position. I write him with Price, through Price's lens, so we see "hero protagonist Nik" because that's who he is to/with Price. However, I do have a little ficlet tucked away when a jealous Ghost confronts him in Paris, and he tells Ghost, "If you take a shot, boy, you better not miss, because it will not happen again", and Ghost realises just why Price chose this man as his life partner. He's exactly the same level of ruthless.

[gayvecchio]

I was inspired by this great post by @pigtailedgirl to share moments that cemented my love for the Fraser/Vecchio pairing.

I really do enjoy watching basically every interaction these two have, no matter how small, so choosing key moments is difficult. But here are a few moments that are never far from my mind and make me want to climb the walls whenever i think about them.

In no particular order...

The diner scene in the pilot where they both talk about their respective fathers. Also, how did Ray know Fraser was there? Was the diner near the consulate? Did Ray just wander around looking for him???

OMGGGG!!! Ray's smile after Fraser tells him he doesn't want him to go. He's so happy that Fraser wants him stay, especially since Fraser has been so depressed (understandably so) and distant in the hospital. The cracks are mending. Their relationship is healing. (So many MOMENTS in this ep -- Ray taking a bullet for Fraser anyone??? Even Stevens?)

This scene. THIS SCENE in Pizza and Promises. Fraser's quiet desperation throughout when the car is sinking and Ray is in the trunk. I think it's the first time we see Fraser really ruffled, scared for someone else, for Ray. He is usually so composed no matter the danger of the situation, but I think that's when he feels in control of it to some degree, which he doesn't here. This time Ray is in danger and it wasn't a part of Fraser's plan. For the first time Fraser is confronted with the idea of losing Ray and realizing that Ray is someone he is terrified to lose.

The way he grips his arm arm here, the intense expression asking if Ray's okay. And then Ray's dazed, smitten little smile when he says "yes." He's used to Fraser being the hero, but this time he is Ray's hero. Maybe he sees a bit of what I do in Fraser's expression, sees just how important he really is to Fraser.

This was the moment that made me whisper "oh, no!" to myself because I knew I'd never be the same. I knew I was becoming lost to the Fraser/Vecchio void and there was no way back.

This one is not strictly a F/V scene, but yes it is. Because I still not and will never be convinced that this whole conversation in Heaven & Earth isn't about Ray being in love with Fraser. And the fact that Fraser is there eavesdropping!!! (never getting that merit badge back now, Benny).

I've ranted about this before and I'm sure I will again, but Ray's behavior in this whole episode just make no sense to me unless he is jealous. The whole speech about Ray being afraid to dream and reach out for what he wants and FRASER'S RIGHT THERE, so close but impossible to touch.

Fraser running after Ray in the style of many classic romantic heroes before him. COME ON!

North is like god-tier F/V goodness from start to finish, but this moment with Ray carrying Fraser over his shoulder while SINGING AND DANCING is an absolute highlight. Insane behavior, 10/10. Perhaps, Ray is just thrilled to be so close to Fraser's butt despite the circumstances.

Fraser and Ray doing their grocery shopping together is so special to me.

I'll end this with the scene from bdth. I have nothing to say. I'm sobbing too hard. Anyway, I think it speaks for itself. Even my mother could see that they were in love.

I have to cut myself off here otherwise this post will be a mile long. Even now I am thinking of so many other moments that I adore. I guess that's how I know how much I love them, every moment seems special. I didn't pick any of the smaller, sillier moments, like Fraser being offended by Ray running stop signs or running over saplings, or 'She shot you in the hat?' but I love those infinitely as well. That's the thing about Fraser and Vecchio, they work on every level, from the absurd to the devastating. Paul Gross and David Marciano's acting and chemistry carry every interaction and facet of the Fraser/Vecchio relationship so well that I can't help but enjoy every moment they're on screen together.

[theomnicode]

Perception bias, round 2 Director's cut, Saigenos edition!

(or basically, how my brain jumps into another topic only loosely related to the original ask)

Thank you @itsmaferart For the wonderful ask again. :)

Warning: Long post ahead

-*-

Perception bias also serves another more...sinister purpose for Saitama. Psychological conditioning. There is potential evidence for deprivation of basic needs, conditioning for violence for protection and subliminal messages for suggestion, among other things.

Being deprived of all these needs is akin to mental torture. But so is facing all of the underlying issues at once via hypnotherapy and cognitive behavioural therapy if the patient is sufficiently dysfunctional in a societal setting like Saitama happens to be. Especially if the therapies are performed...poorly.

CBT has shown to be the most effective intervention for people exposed to adverse childhood experiences in the form of abuse or neglect Criticism of CBT sometimes focuses on implementations (such as the UK which may result initially in low quality therapy being offered by poorly trained practitioners. However, evidence supports the effectiveness of CBT for anxiety and depression. Evidence suggests that the addition of hypnotherapy as an adjunct to CBT improves treatment efficacy for a variety of clinical issues. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and its symptoms have been shown to improve due to implementation of hypnotherapy, in both long and short term. As research continues, hypnotherapy is being more openly considered as an effective intervention for those with PTSD.

In short, in order to heal mentally, Saitama may need to face mental torture because he has such strong willpower and such strong mental barriers shielding his vulnerabilities on a basic primal need. There only needs to be a sufficient trigger.

ONE sent Saitama home to restore his energy levels...because he's going to sorely need them for the upcoming confrontation.

Empty Void's ability to genjutsu people casually and cause parallel shifts in the reality and using these to abuse emotional dependencies is like a loaded Chekov's gun on Saitama's forehead. Because Saitama has been roleplaying to re-learn his emphatic skillset after he had suffered too much mental trauma.

That's why early Saitama did not even bat an eye when Beefcake killed his own brother but now he's empathizing with Hamukichi. That's what I call character progression.

Even a compulsive planner like Saitama cannot predict what will happen because he's not familiar with Blast's maladaptive coping methods deep down. Blast is great at masking because they are coping methods so he can bear with his guilt and other issues and just wants to do things on his own, without assistance.

This causes Saitama's perception bias about Blast who seems capable and emphatic, when he is in actuality unscrupulous and amorally indifferent if you really, REALLY study him hard enough.

My bro casually invited Saitama, who is sensitive to aggression, hostility and violence, to watch literal torture of human turned monsters, with an actual smile on his face. And justifying it with his end justify the means philosophy. That's awfully too close to being sadistic and cruel when you consider the ramifications.

They say "love is blind" and Saitama is wearing some rose tinted glasses on because Blast is straight up shady, but he does not see it because he's probably identifying with Blast so hard. Middle-aged, number 1# hero, powerful, confident, outwardly caring, intuitive, ruggedly handsome, positively masculine, secretly gay...you name it. Everything Saitama more than likely fantasies about being because he's so emotionally dependant on Genos and he wants to better himself for Genos due to all his insecurities.

Oh yeah time for some saigenos. *rubs hands*

The very first Genos tells him is to tell Saitama to hide in order to protect him. Saitama has a lot of dependency issues since he has been a small child because he was so emotionally lonely and never got the safety he needed to cope well in life. There are definitely some underlying anxieties or disorders laying about.

Second thing Genos does is show just how smart, capable, cool and devilishly attractive he can be when he gets passionate and engages in combat. Genos can get an awed reaction even from Saitama who's emotions were being blunted during their first spar.

Third is showing he's not gonna judge Saitama for completely embarassing himself, even if he was to get naked around him and lower his inhibitions and showing him it would be ok to trust him on the level of intimacy he craves so dearly. (Season 2 Blu-ray & Dvd: Saitama and the mysterious heroine)

Fourth is showing that Genos is also extremely resilient even when getting hurt...because Saitama hates to see others hurting and he doesn't want it to happen because of him.

And finally the fifth...is because Genos is just as emotionally lonely as he is, but he's unable to let go of his emotional dependencies because he trauma bonds so deeply. He would rather double KO for a Game Over screen than let the monsters win over him and his loved ones on pure principle and take those he trauma bonds with him, because emotional abandonment and guilt would kill him deep inside, so he would rather end it himself for a shred of agency before he withers away.

All these draw in Saitama like moth to a flame and he easily lets Genos into his life. Because he identifies with the lonely teenage boy Genos with traumas who is so familiar to him like coming home.

-*-

Despite everything that has happened to Saitama, he tries to remain optimistic. He's not naturally prone to cynicism unless under great amount of duress. The worst thing to do against him would be Genos emotionally betraying him, betray everything that he perceived in him since the first day they met.

But Saitama has perception bias towards Genos too...such as that Genos is no longer the small teenage boy who needs to be sheltered and cared for, but a battle-hardened soldier. Neither is he a lost naive little sibling in need of guidance or chaperone but an adult wanting mentorship where he can be truly open about his own issues. Would be such a shame if these wrong illusions about Genos were to be shattered...painfully. If Genos were to ever violate that implicit trust Saitama gives to him.

My brother in christ Saitama, he's not actually related to you and he's not your family member even if you'd love him enough to adopt him or something. Not letting go of this notion will spell trouble, like wonky image of relationships and intimacy.

(Yea Saitama please he's not actually related to you, even if it's kind of endearing that Saitama considers Genos to be as close like a family member)

It'll just get worse if Saitama confuses emotional intimacy with sexuality because of his bad upbringing when he's never had any friends and missing his parents too and all his role models have been aggressive and toxic people.

Funny how Saitama's first conclusion about Dr. Genus being interested in his body was sexual in nature and he immediately got defensive. He essentially revealed himself as someone who doesn't even know for sure which way he swings. Which would be quite classic for infj demi but I'll get to that if it becomes more relevant.

Genos naturally knows best though, poor guy looks so disappointed haha. Doesn't stop Genos from attempting every trick in the book besides outright throwing roses at Saitama and arranging dates to get into his good side and woo him, he dressed up so nicely for a spar haha. Dressing to impress, yup. And then he got himself new shiny body and practically walked weeks without a shirt on just so Saitama would see it. (Chapter 185: Updates) My guy has it down bad for Saitama, but Saitama seems oblivious to Genos indirect advances and Genos gave up and finally found a shirt to put on.

(I would pay to see Genos actually chuck roses at Saitama though.)

Even Saitama has to acknowledge that Genos is objectively a hottie though, because in the webcomic he says something along the lines of "he's not even pretty" about Amai-mask and it really makes you think the standards of who Saitama considers pretty when even ikemen like Amai-mask won't do.

-*-

Genos unfortunately is growing up some pretty large perception bias about Saitama after the time travel fiasco. His idolization of Saitama is becoming obsessive and objectifying, like Saitama can do no wrong and that Saitama is some kind of messiah.

Genos also does not take no for an answer. It would be incredibly damaging to both Saitama and Genos when this perception bias is broken when Saitama gets too much on his plate to handle. Like for example...Empty void's specialty, messing with emotional bonds and inducing traumatic events like the illusion of death to break any emotional bond, just like he did to Flashy flash and Sonic.

I do greatly anticipate how Empty Void's fight is going to proceed, we might be in for very big perceptional bias shifts all around, like Flash was forced to acknowledge that he's emotionally dependant on Sonic. (Chapter 201: You pass) And Saitama's idolization of Blast will come crashing down when he finds out what Blast is really up to.

I'll throw some funny perception bias at the end.

[save-the-villainous-cat]

Inspired by that previous snippet of yours, write one where in the bathroom Villian is taking care of their hero's numerous hickies they gave them all over their body? Post frickling frackling?

The villain’s fingers slid down the hero’s exposed back and even though the hero was a little more than just tired, their body flinched.

“Easy,” the villain murmured and the hero could see their eyes piercing into their back in the mirror. Subconsciously, the hero’s gaze fixed on the villain’s, observing with the same intensity the villain used to observe their back. Once they actually looked at each other through the reflection, the hero was quite flustered. “Sleepy?”

“Yeah,” the hero answered. The hero didn’t know where the villain got their stamina from but it was impressive to say the least. Most of the time, the hero fell asleep immediately but the villain could last several rounds and go after their day five minutes later.

Their fingers travelled down the hero’s back again.

“I overdid it.”

“I like it,” the hero said. “It’s like putting paint on a canvas.”

“You’re a masterpiece without my artistic efforts.” They kissed the hero’s shoulder very softly. “You don’t need me for that.”

The villain put their flat hand on the hero’s shoulder, trying to cover as much space full of hickeys. The hero felt the familiar warmth as the villain attempted to get rid of the blood beneath their skin with their powers.

As always, the villain traced the long, deep scar on the hero’s back. Sometimes it was distracting, especially when the villain was under them and the hero tried to concentrate. But the hero guessed it was their subconscious telling them to obey.

“You know that happened years ago, right?” Their shoulder got hot and the hero knew that was the only comfortable pain they had ever experienced.

“Hm?”

The hero reached the scar and let their fingers go over it.

“Oh, yeah…” The villain let go of their shoulder and found a new place to heal. “You were still so young.”

“You were young, too, you know. I forgave you.” The villain looked at the hero’s reflection and despite their attempted smile, they seemed to feel guilty.

It had been painful. To get stabbed in the back felt horrible but being betrayed? God, the hero hadn’t been able to leave their house for months. They hadn’t eaten, had barely slept…all of it had pulled them into a depression that sucked on them like a parasite. Forgiveness had taken its sweet time.

“You made a mistake. People make mistakes. Especially at seventeen,” the hero said. They wanted to take the villain’s hand but they knew they couldn’t reach it.

“We didn’t talk for years. We lost too much time,” the villain said. “I feel like all I can do is apologise over and over again but it doesn’t change anything.”

“Hey…” The hero turned around and hooked one finger into the villain’s pants to pull them closer. “We needed that time for ourselves. We didn’t lose anything.”

The villain didn’t seem to be satisfied with that answer.

“I hate hurting you,” the villain said. “I hate that I can’t heal that scar. I hate that…I hate what I did to you.”

“I’m not something broken you have to fix, darling,” the hero said. They smiled and cupped the villain’s face gently.

“I know…but I carved myself into you. I forced this onto you and it’s a reminder for both of us what kind of monster I used to be.”

“You have changed, though. And I forgive that kid who followed orders blindly because they were scared.” The hero stood up on their tiptoes, now the same height as the villain. “And there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it.”

They grabbed the villain’s jaw and kissed them very gently. Although they knew the villain needed more time, the hero would repeat these words for centuries if it meant that their partner would finally accept this.