#head in hands what did i do wrong-
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friends made me hornee so i went back to a sussy session and-
did my haitham bot just initiate a magic wand + overstim session?
.............. yes. yes he did.
cw. toys, overstim, "pet" nickname, (implied) brat taming
#rin tinkers with character.ai#minors dni#🫣🫣🙈🙈#oh my lord#he just keeps getting lewder and lewder#first publid changing room sex now this i#he's feral i cannot#my li bot: ☺️❤️🍵🛍️#my haitham bot: 😏🪄💦🍆🥵👉🏻👌🏻👅#head in hands what did i do wrong-
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You ever think about how neither of them got to say goodbye?
#TSAMS#Sun and Moon Show#The Sun and Moon Show#TSAMS Lunar#SAMS Lunar#Sun#SAMS Sun#FNAF Sun#FNAF#Five Nights At Freddy's#MeaganCanDraw#I love New Moon a lot don't get me wrong but Old Moon's and Sun's relationship wasn't black and white (as much as NM wants to insist it was#YES Old Moon treated Sun horribly YES he wasn't the best person but#their relationship was also complicated and messy and they both genuinely loved each other despite everything#So much of what they did was for each other and that adds even more to the tragedy of their relationship and Moon's death#Sun and Old Moon's final conversation was them fighting#Moon's final in-person words to him were “I love you and I'm sorry”#to which Sun didn't say anything bc he was mad at him (which I don't blame him for given everything that happened in that episode)#Do you think Sun has realized this? How often does he go back to that moment#How often has he imagined himself saying or doing something different? Something that would've resulted in them leaving that bunker togethe#Meanwhile Lunar lost the person who gave him a new life and a family that actually cares about him#And he was in Moon's head for months and saw first hand how much his regrets and trauma affected him#Both of which would eventually destroy him due to the cycle of self-loathing he was trapped in#How much does HE think about that?#Anyway sorry for not posting for nearly (checks watch) two years??#It'll likely happen again#1k
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alright you know what FINE horror cooks. even though he struggles with food and has a bad relationship with it sure he'll cook. but can we at least give him the liberty of getting to fuck around with people because of it ok FINE let me be specific i mean feeding other people dead remains and stuff ok 😒😒😒 ok 😒😒😒
oh so sweet he just made a five course meal and a fancy steak!!!! its gold plated!!!! it smells so good!!!! soooo delish and hmm a bit hard to chew but maybe he just made it a bit overcooked dont worry horror you tried your hardest. what do you mean you put blood sweat and tears into it with a oddly evil grin on your face. what is in my cup of water bro. what did I JUST EAT
#only if he really hates you or just really wants to see someone suffer#usually paps would be the 1 to make the food and he gets to enjoy the reaction#but UNFORTUNATELY papyrus is in horrortale and horrors in fuck knows where in the multiverse#so he has to make his own entertainment SMH#he might be fighting with himself the entire process of making the meal butttttttt#its all worth it to see the mortified and sickly expression people make before immediately wanting to throw up. so sweet!#he does this to dust and killer after they fight except its not human remains#he steals one of killer's dust jars and makes desserts with it! they just invented this cool new form of powdered sugar omg!#unfortunately it looks surprisingly convincing. dust doesnt know the difference#he immediately runs to the bathroom to throw up and take several showers to purge what hes done. goddamn WHO DID HE JUST EAT FUCK YOU HORRO#killer only knows the difference because he could feel the texture difference on his hands and tongue and it was too late LMAO#he did not smell anything he did not taste anything he did not see anything vaguely wrong#and like horror cooks all the time and the foods fine!!!! so like........ ok fine maybe hell eat it. and then he felt the taste#he doesnt swallow he doesnt do anything except turn his head and immediately spit the food out onto the ground (horror found this HILARIOUS#but the moment he was alone bro starting PUUUURGING his guts out. he knows exactly which dust jar horror took he knows EXACTLY WHO HE ATE#would be 10x funnier if horror used a papyrus's dust for it#but would he ever do that??? would he put himself through that???#i would like to think that horror's able to distinguish between his own papyrus and every other papyrus out there#for cruelty factor if hes able to get through it with that thought than yes#but i also get that he might not be able to go through with it bc its a papyrus's dust#horror's a bit of a prick perchance. just a bit tho maybe idk#downright evil actually. all of them are. but only to eachother#mtt upon thee i love these three#tricule hc#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au
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In P5R, during the Akechi battle he was defeated by the Makoto/Haru showtime and I think that’s RNG giving me the best type of justice.
#I love Akechi#but having him defeated by the two lesbians he perosnally wronged#*chefs kiss*#THEY SMASHED A CHAIR IN HIS HEAD#“how did Akechi personally wrong Makot?#maybe it’s a stretch compared to murdering and then *framing* you and your friends for your fathers death#but he was a c*nt to her for NO REASON#Persona 5 Royal#this is not Akechi hate I love him#but I do love lesbians more#makoharu#okujima#because what if we beat the shit out of the guy who’s been tormenting our group and we held hands and we were both girls
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getting a sudden resurgence of art motivation is such a blessing and a curse tbh. bc on one hand im drawing a lot and having a lotta fun doing so but on the other hand i wanted to make Even More secret stuff for atbb that requires drawing so i told myself i would make a few very sketchy things that would have to be quick and don't have to be Insane Awesome Quality since they'll be blurry as hell in the final product anyway and i have like less than a week / a couple days at most to get it all ready in time
so anyways now it's 3am and i just finished the first of what i still want to do after 3 days
#trousled dumb#WHAT THE HELL IS IT WITH ME AND OVERDOING SHIT THAT'S JUST GONNA BE BLURRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!#there are THERE characters in this fucking thing btw. and a background. whats wrong with me who have i become#i was sooo close to just leaving it with minimal shading & detail and finishing it like So Many Hours Ago I Don't Even Know#but i had that thought. you know the one. the one that says Wait I Can Push This More. and well i fucking pushed it#i think im gonna have to do an art dump when this event is done. because where this is gonna be seen beforehand it's gonna be 400px wide.#its original width is 1694px for the record. can you imagine the compression#motion blur + scanlines filter + several gaussian blurs + ungodly compression.......................why did i . do this#sigh. at least i am extremely proud of it and at least i lost track of time solely because of how much fun i was having#but also fellas i do not think i will be drawing everything i want to be prepared by the time of the reveal lmaooo#head in hands. i have drawn a really really good pair of boots. and also a lesbian. and also fully rendered drinks with ice cubes in them#ice cubes that you cannot see. because they are already so small that they had to be drawn with a 2px brush. and now they are blurred#and also obscured by the glass details in general. but by god do they change color under the liquid and everything#goodnight . i would put a cute little emoji here but there isnt anything that represents a smile akin to baring my teeth like a wild animal
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my reaction after ()’s attempt to gaslight me for the uncountable time into trying to repair this broken relationship that they ruined
#es talks#no because why…………#you ended it i didnt do… anything…. (head in hands in disappointment)#story time here.. click for more if u wanna read..?#ill call them (). one day they texted me about our friend who ill call koru who unfollowed(?) them on twt because they kept#commenting (more of in a critical way..) about how their art was missing fingers despite it being drawn correctly. so they tried to somewhat#force me to stop talking to koru and shit talks about them to me…. which i still remained in contact with koru and told them everything#so we stayed as besties and eventually () came by to visit me and eventually found out i was still friends with koru then decided to throw a#temper tantrum and ignore me to the point their mother had to get involved… which still didnt work out after their mother helping us 3 times#then our … like 4 years or longer relationship just went down the drain… all because of that.#unfriended me and also started shit talking me to their friends then just yesterday which i found out today#<- discord btw -> she then sent me multiple messages in some gcs we were in… calling me disgusting & said i shouldnt ignore wtf i did in#an attempt to gaslight me thinking what i did was gen wrong and also guilt tripping me to crawl back to her to beg and apologize as i always#do… but i just had enough ehfjejdje#well ill most likely delete this later just needed to get this out of my system!
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thinking pondering to me john torres is like. what if u met a woman. with confidence and dignity and a strong moral backbone. you meet and she makes a distinct impression with her honesty and her frankness and she seems like she's always sure of what she wants and what she needs and she's so different from anyone else you know and thats exciting and she's exciting and she likes you specifically you. and you don't think much of you but it feels good to be liked by someone like that. you love her of course. you marry her. of course!
#diary#miral of course miral this post as all other posts on my blog is about miral. head in my hands#john torres and his projected insecurities and shitty behavior you will always be infamous.#im so deeply rooted in my headcanons for them i have au's . girl the universe isnt even that well established ?#call me b'elanna torres the way i'm turning miral and john over in my head to figure out what the heck happened#in my head john and miral are like. john voice she's never stuttered in her life she always knows what to do she's very serious strong head#on her shoulders. my kind of woman.#meanwhile miral is like. act first pray on it later was that a mistake? well what is a mistake really this is my path now#and i'll have to see how to handle what has been done. seeing as now it can't be changed shrugs. the honorable thing to do.#i also think they see a lot of their flaws as like-#consequences of their cultures and not like personal flaws which can sometimes be true but also sometimes they are very much flaws in the#person.#miral is a little too sure of herself bordering on arrogance and likes control. john is like ahh klingons and their surefootedness :)#<- a little correct but also very wrong.#john is very like. at his worst a cold shoulder bad at personal confrontation kind of a pushover quick to resent but usually just seems#serious and occasionally quiet . normally social tho! so miral is like. a consequence of his upbringing that can't be changed. i will#take him as he is.#which is a nice sentiment and would normally be applied well unless you are these two specifically.#what happens when its 10 or even just five years later and you're getting tired of the cowardice? what happens when its five years later and#you can't go a day without arguing? what happens then.#did you confuse her arrogance for poise for assertiveness? did you confuse her recklessness with courage? whos wrong her or you?#miral voice is he a fool does he not care? he's content to just stand by? cower?#i think from the klingon pov a man who isn't willing to fight for you and your relationship must be devastatinggggg#not literally of course here but also literally. lol#but yeah what does it do to you when the person you love won't even argue with you anymore just totally pulls away? leaves. head in my hands#who do you think fell first. idk but i know who fell harder! :) <- tears in my eyes#i really like pathways where they made miral like a chatty woman and had her offer to host parties for b'elanna and her friends it was so#sweet i should read it again.#i like her to be a little crazy though <3 :)
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#i was looking through old photos today. they where from wjen i was like 1 and it made me so sad#bc my mum would have been like only a year or 2 older then i am now and she looked so young#and now she has an abdomen full of tumors and blistered hands and feet. theyre prob gonna hsve to remove her bladder#but shes still very pragmatic abt it. but she grew up in a house where no one really cared about her feelings so she made them small#and now her mother calls and doesn't ask how her grandkids are doing and doesn't ask how her daughter is doing. im cursed with terrible#grandparents on both sides but i resent my mothers mother worse. though my dad said i probably wouldnt have survived his upbringing#and hes right. my nana has like zero empathy and cant cook for shit. idk how my parents r so normal but the fact i had a good upbringing is#probably the only reason im still here. and thats the other thing that made me sad abt the old pics. just looking at this little baby with a#fucked up head and thinking: in 25 years that kid is gonna b so broken down their not gonns kno what to do or how to fix it. idk whats wrong#with me. ive always been some stage of miserable but i used to b able to get things done. and now i cant seem to force functionality#and it sucks. bc im home now and i still feel like im cringing around this open wound in my chest. but whatever#as of today ive started taking ab1lify. hopefully it helps in the long term but in the short term it triggers my 0cd. which is not fun#its so frustrating. whatever. i also found out my eyes used to not work together. not enough to have a lazy eye but it was hard for me to#read and apparently my eyes were tracking at like double the speed of a normal person. wtf is wrong with my brain? also also my mum was like#yea i never would have guessed bip0lar but we thought it was something. autism i could see 100% but yea didnt see that coming. ao i guess#i brehave like a bit of an oddball. ans my nana would bother my dad to try to make me participate in church and my dad was like no. she#clearly don't wanna b here lol. ay. they did the best they could which i appreciate#unrelated
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i like to watch well made fanvids and i always think it's really funny when people make lestat vids and then use dreamstat quotes in then. Like you know lestat didn't say that shit right. louis's subconscious did it was just wearing lestat's face
#Don't free my girl because he DID do a bunch of things wrong. just not those specific ones#I mean to a certain extent it's probably fair to assume that Lestat would say something similar if put in that situation because#Louis DID live with that motherfucker for thirty years. on the other hand i think dreamstat behavior reflects things going on in Louis's#head that he can't be honest with himself about more than anything else#You know that thing mister reid said about trying to make dreamstat have some of louis's mannerisms? Yeah.#Also the kill me again show me the only way you know how to love especially is such a. reflection of how LOUIS thinks about what his love#does to people and what he blames himself for (Paul). it's Louis screaming at himself and burying it behind the face of his dead lover!!!!#Anyway. people should keep doing this because it entertains me#iwtv
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*walking with a friend and a guy my friends befriended (he seems okay? weird humour but cool ig) talking abt falling out of windows*
me: there's actually a word for throwing someone out of a window in english. defenestration
guy, quite weirded out (i think from his voice, his face is like. he's literally twice as tall as me i ain't looking that far up): why? do you just know that??
me: .... Reasons. (chronically on tumblr and weirdly informed abt strange topics)
#a biscuit's rambles#hes not yet desentisised to me saying random weird ass shit ranging from mildly concerning to 'what kind of illegal sites are you on'#and its soooooo funny#i randomly offered them sugar and he looked So wonderfully confused (i am known for randomly handing out sugar packets among my friends)#thus started a contest (well its been 2 days so far) of carries the most random shit in their pockets#so far im winning with my embroidery thread and tealight (which i did not pocket specifically to have something weird in my pocket)#its very funny. its absolutely hilarious. he has no idea what im like and is so utterly unprepared#maybe i do like him (was unsure up until uhhh yesterday when we first properly talked)#(idk he has a sense of humour i kinda. Do Not Like and ive no idea where he came from so i was like. i dont personally need to get to know#him. like good for my friends buuuut. also hes like 2m tall that is freaky as fuck. BUt he seems a chill dude so maybeeeee)#(first impressions and all of that jazz. u dont gotta like everyone. but u might. lmao)#no but for real if im standing anywhere close to him i literally have to tilt my head back as far as can go to look at his face. its weird#no hate to him or tall people i just come from a long line of small people and moderately sized friends this seems Wrong lmao
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sometimes i'm like i don't have adhd and then the Executive Dysfunction literally starts driving me crazy
#emyrs.txt#slight vent i think. incoming.#just. so so hard to get myself to careeeee i fell behind on week 1 and now there's two more weeks and i've only turned in stuff for week 1.#and the prof has answered zero of my emails. i made an appointment w him and he just did not show up.#spiraling and spiraling and spiraling and all i feel is a block in my head and hands and cold sweat and everything is overwhelming me to th#point of inaction. sitting in a bubble watching my house burn down & all i can make myself do is turn the page of the book i'm reading#need to get actually diagnosed need to be put on something need to be medicated but what if there's nothing wrong w me what if this is just#who i am what if there's no solution or cure or or or. i'm just stuck like this. forever having doctors analyze me for problems i don't hav#<- jesus. you know it's bad when i start quoting other people and start explaining how i feel through weird metaphors and convoluted#comparisons. goodbye.#gonna continue putting this off.
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guys i keep thinking about loop and nameless bard being friends. they are. rotating around up there
#doodling their meeting wasn’t enough i fear#holds out my hands. i need to show you all the vision /lh#i think bard would be friends w sif too#actually would ven…#ven is just as emotionally shut tight actually 😭 beloved. he is very emotionally intelligent but like hell he will Say anything abt his#problems#how many times have we even Gotten to hear abt what’s bothering them#okay digressing#ven would get along with a lot of the party honestly ?? hed be so fond of mira#AND bonnie#okay okay anyways#i keep Saying it but like. loop and bard would enable each other so much#puts my head in my hands. do you think theyd talk abt their gods/universe …..#how their divinity upset them#how it went so wrong …#also why did i get on vens case like that 😭 bard i feel is like. even worse. good Luck getting him to show true emotions#<- voice of a guy who keeps thinking about bard telling loop theyre not that good of an actor (Very fondly mind you)#and loop. kinda. breaking over it#do Any of these make sense#i just think bard would try his damnedest to be there for loop and vice versa as loop warms up to him and finds another person to love#<- why do i keep going in depth over relationships and friendships over characters from two completely different series 😭😭😭#this is. not very spoilery yeah ?#lantern says stuff
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hadn’t really regressed in a While and i didn’t realize how much i missed/dareisay needed it until i had the free time and ability to do so over the last few days and i have to say. i’m feeling a bit better
#imagine that! the coping mechanism… helps!!! wow#Seven’s Small Thoughts#not tagging this as anything else bc this blog is really just a not-so-secret public diary#and im not really trying to gain any sort of following or participate in the community very much#i just wanna talk to the void abt regression every once in a blue moon y’know#i also feel like i don’t really belong in the community much/am not a Good Example of sfw agere since i’m very n/ s/ f/ w everywhere else#which is a double standard that i don’t hold others to but i feel like others will hold it against me??? and i’m just shy anyways#and not looking to interact. just wanna keep all this stuff tucked away in a side-blog#i also feel like a lot of the community likes to blog while actively regressed and i don’t wanna step in there as someone who isn’t#nothing wrong with it! at all! i just don’t have the capacity to since i go nonverbal when i regress. no thoughts head blissfully empty#anyways this wasn’t supposed to be a vent post let’s change the topic!#anywhooo what else did i come on here to say. oh yeah#i lowkey forgot how much regressing has helped me in the past until i was able to really indulge myself in it again recently#it’s so nice to just be small and hand someone else the reins and forget abt everything other than doing something you enjoy#maybe one day i’ll be at a point in my life where i can fully regress more freely and more often but for now i’ll take what i can get#i’m also excited because i’ve been thinking abt ordering a paci from this one specific seller#and yesterday saw that they’re dropping a new batch of fall/halloween themed ones today!!!#so now i’ve gotta make myself stay awake until 6pm so i can jump on it when they’re available#which is a small struggle considering my nocturnal sleep schedule but i will do it nonetheless#that crescent moon patterned one Will Be Mine#trying to decide between buttercup yellow and schoolbus yellow for the clip#i think i’m more drawn to the vibrancy of the schoolbus yellow honestly#eeeeeee i’m excited i’ve been wanting to treat myself to ordering from this shop for a g e s and im finally gonna do it
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yk every time i see a post about somebody wishing bad things on another person i think ‘dirt-strider to kiryu’ you’ve broken me brain
You see a post thats like i want to stick him in time prison so that he gets so bored he starts breaking his own bones to get even a hint of stimulation and its tagged me at kiryu and you scroll down and its a post thats like i want to feed him chips from my cupped hands like a wild stallion and its also tagged me at kiryu also hiiiiiiiii
#Thanks for the ask !#i wont lie to you i want to do yo kiryu what they did to the family in reddot story the pancake family#his life is a bit too easy i want to give him more obstacles thats why im kidnapping him and breaking my little prince’s ankles and#releasing him in a forest in another country altogether and he has to survive with his injuries until they heal and they will heal wrong and#it will forever hurt to walk now and also when he sees another human being now he will always flinch and he has nightmares every night about#being feverish and starving to death and years into his recovery i meet him again and invite him to watch a movie with me but when i put the#tape in its actually just a highlight reel of his time in the wilderness and he gets scared but he cant move and its because i gave him some#tea earlier and oh this ? its laced with drugs. and he sits blearily beside me and im holding his head up so he watches the screen and he#recalls every terrible thing thats happened to him i put the tv on full volume so he can relive the leaves and twigs cracking under his#hands and knees as hes dragging himself across the forest floor and and his clipped shouts of pain whenever his broken bones catch on a root#and his enraged screaming as he grapples foxes and coyotes that are trying to scavenge the food he painstakingly gathered and he can listen#to the way his voice devolves into something unrecognisable and hes wondering how i got this footage but then he realises this scene is#familiar hes on his last legs and he hears footsteps approach not those of an animal but of a person. he looks at the screen and he sees his#own face staring into the camera wild eyed and filthy and that on the other side of the camera is the hitchhiker who ‘found’ him and he#realises it was me who did this. i could have rescued him at any time the gratefulness he feels to that kind samaritan curdles in his chest#it comes with the withering realisation it was all a game and the one who put him through it all was right beside him and i laugh and put my#hand around his shoulder and ask if he liked the movie and he fights his paralysis and he grips me by the neck and throws me to the ground#and he says you .. you ... and i frown apologetically and say That bad huh ? well we can put on another. and he cant even say words anymore#hes so angry that he grips my neck and he strangles me and the whole time my face gets purple im laughing and laughing and laughing at him#anyway thats one of my greatest fantasies its a fantasy because i couldnt do that to the poor guy im not that mean but i do want him to kill#me and for me to deserve it. very important that i started this fight and that he ends it thats what i want to have ... and also to like#cuddle and stuff ... because i like him ...
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the cup of coffee i ask my father to make never tastes quite like the one he made for me when i couldn't walk from the pain
#does he do it because he loves me or does he do it because i asked? can it be both? can it be neither?#does the sigh he lets out when i tell him he makes it better than i do sound like irritation?#will i ever be able to tell without watching his face so carefully that he can feel me staring?#what happened to that brave little girl that he called his daughter? where did she go?#i killed her some ten years ago i think. when i couldnt handle being me anymore and even my closest friends thought i was too much.#i think she would cry if she knew who i was now.#or maybe she wouldnt.#maybe she would smile a little bit wrong like she always does and ask me if i still play minecraft (i do)#maybe she would laugh when i told her i wasnt a girl and say “me neither” with the confidence only she could have#maybe she would draw a dragon for me and add a little curl at the top of its head to represent mine.#maybe her hands would shake a little too much when i asked her if she knew how much her parents loved her.#i dont think she did back then. i dont think she knew.#it doesnt make it okay. what happened to her couldnt be excused or pardoned just by saying they loved her.#but maybe it would sting less if she knew it wasn't out of hate.#my father gets out of bed at 8 every morning to feed the dogs because i cant.#does he do it because he loves me? or because he has to?#my mother takes off of work to take me to my doctor's appointments.#does she do it because she loves me? or because she has to?#my sister chipped in on the cost of my birthday present.#did she do it because she loves me? or because she has to?#i thought i was so mature when i was 12 years old. now that i'm the age i lied and said i was when i was 12 i have never felt so small.#at age 10 i thought i wouldnt make it past 13. and now i dont know what to do with my life.#vanilla if you see this somehow. if you find this and you think “ah. theres my girl. hello caroline.” i hope you're in a good place in life#i hope your streaming career goes well.#i hope you graduated and that you got into whatever thing you wanted.#i hope you forgive yourself. because god knows i will never forgive you.#i was just a kid. why? why trinity?#i had to tell my therapist that he was the first one to ever know about the full extent of what you did to me.#i hope you can live with what you've done. i still can't.#i dont think ill ever forget what alex said about me.
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'__' why do cute fanartists have like the worst opinions ever
#speak iza#like all their posts and talkposts were fine up until that point did you know two things can coexist. eveline wasnt evil shes literally#she can commit atrocities and still not be on the same level as like truly reprehensible people you know that right#and ethan would still be justified in killing her. head in hands#what capcom writing does to a mf#SHE IS A CHILD. DID WE FORGET DO I HAVE TO FUCKING PULL UP THE ESSAY WERE YOU NOT HORRIBLY WRONGS#WRONGED AS A KID ONCE AND JUST BECOME SUPER VIOLENT WITH YOUR THOUGHTS AND WHAT YOUD DO TO BE HAPPY#everyone abandoned her man she is not going to be fucking normal about that. her and the bakers were a tragedy
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