#i dont think ill ever forget what alex said about me.

[propertyofwicked]

FAKING AN INTEREST

f1 grid x platonic!reader (implied landoxreader) smau

based on this request! (this may need a pt 2 honestly)

warnings: none, just men having the audacity

masterlist the playlist

⭑･ﾟﾟ･*:༅｡.｡༅:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　　✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑

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yourusername made a new post!

liked by logansargeant, oscarpiastri, and 21,223 others

yourusername what the fuck is a DRS?

view all 9,211 comments

danielricciardo what he say fuck me for?

⤷ yourusername hi! im free may 28 if you want to hangout may 28 lmk im not doing anything may 28 please msg me if ur available may 28 so we could maybe hangout or do something may 28 !!

⤷ danielricciardo ill clear my schedule - what day did u say u were free?

⤷ username1 mad about being labelled as a fake f1 fan only to turn around and flirt with the drivers? is she fr?

⤷ yourusername get a job, touch grass?

username2 how does she know them im so confused

⤷ username3 she went to school with oscar i think?

logansargeant will you stop posting the worst pictures of me?

⤷ yourusername say please?

⤷ logansargeant please y/n im begging

⤷ yourusername start using the metric system and i'll consider it.

lilymhe come back to williams i miss u

⤷ yourusername can i bring lilyzneimer? 🥺

⤷ lilymhe omg yes!! lily-ception

⤷ oscarpiastri @/yourusername dont take my girlfriend to enemy territory tf?

⤷ logansargeant enemy? ☹️

yourusername made a new post!

liked by lilyzneimer, oscarpiastri, and 34,502 others

yourusername congrats on driving fast bestie

tagged: oscarpiastri, lilyzneimer, jensonbutton

view all 7,210 comments

username4 jenson button? what are you doing here?

⤷ yourusername forming a danica patrick hate club

⤷ yourusername we're discussing gentle parenting tactics for logan <3

⤷ logansargeant is this why jenson keeps telling me that sharing is caring??

⤷ jensonbutton in my defence i told her it wouldn't work 🤷

⤷ yourusername we'll see about that - alex_albon do you feel cared for?

⤷ alex_albon im staying out of this.

oscarpiastri thank you y/n!

⤷ yourusername so proud of u bestie

⤷ oscarpiastri i already paid for dinner you can stop pretending to be nice now

⤷ yourusername brb faking an interest in our friendship rn

⤷ username10 she's never letting that comment go fr

username7 their friendship confuses me but im so here for it

username8 oscar paid? who's shocked

⤷ username9 not me!

⤷ username10 not me!

⤷ yourusername me tbf he usually forgets his wallet

⤷ oscarpiastri i leave it on purpose, actually

⤷ yourusername gold digger 🫵

username8 she literally only goes to the races so that she can post about it on ig and pretend she knows what's going on

logansargeant you never congratulate me :(

⤷ yourusername tf u want me to congratulate u for? brushing your teeth?

⤷ logansargeant no one else will :(

username6 where did u find that picture of oscar?

⤷ yourusername wdym find? i took it loool

yourusername made a new post!

liked by logansargeant, lilymhe and 7,893 others

yourusername glorified uber drivers

tagged: logansargeant, alex_albon

view all 1,235 comments

logansargeant best biscuits ever

⤷ username5 biscuits?? that wasn't very wtf is a kilometer of you

⤷ yourusername one of us! 🇬🇧 one of us! 🇬🇧 one of us! 🇬🇧

⤷ landonorris one of us! 🇬🇧 one of us! 🇬🇧 one of us! 🇬🇧

⤷ alex_albon one of us! 🇬🇧 one of us! 🇬🇧 one of us! 🇬🇧

⤷ logansargeant oh! so this is hell!

landonorris cute! don't do it again!

⤷ yourusername i snapped the head off yours hoping it was a voodoo doll.

⤷ username3 do they hate each other or..?

⤷ yourusername yes.

⤷ landonorris cancelling our lunch plans

⤷ yourusername i was kidding pls dont im so hungry

⤷ username4 lunch plans? y'all seeing this???

username6 the picture of logan im dead

⤷ yourusername he was modelling for his cookie design

lilymhe i want the alex one

⤷ yourusername boxed it up just for u <3

⤷ yourusername alex said he'd give it to u later

⤷ alex_albon i lied. i ate it. no regrets.

yourusername made a new post!

liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri and 24,789 others

yourusername lando norris fakes an interest in the menu

tagged: landonorris, oscarpiastri

view all 1,432 comments

username5 y/n out here living our dream </3

⤷ username6 god i have seen what you've done for others 🙏

⤷ yourusername lando eats chicken nuggets with a fork you can have him

⤷ landonorris this is defamation, my lawyers will be in contact.

landonorris in my defence, that place was FANCY and i wanted to pretend i wasn’t about to order chicken nuggets and chips

⤷ yourusername fancy?? oscar literally ordered a cheeseburger??

⤷ oscarpiastri dont expose me like that y/n

⤷ logansargeant one of us! 🇺🇸🦅 one of us! 🇺🇸🦅

⤷ yourusername it's not funny when u do it <3

logansargeant you never want to go to lunch with me :(

⤷ username7 logan try not to get jealous challenge - hard

⤷ yourusername i literally had brunch with you like yesterday?

⤷ logansargeant ok and?

username11 she is never gonna let that comment go is she. we get it, you know f1.

⤷ yourusername why should i?

⤷ username11 it wasnt that deep

⤷ yourusername why should i give david coulthard the platform to perpetuate negative commentary on women in motorsport?

⤷ yourusername why do we keep allowing men to talk down to women with genuine interests instead of providing them with opportunities to excel in the field?

⤷ username2 say it louder for the people in the back queen

username1 lando looks so fineeeee

⤷ yourusername too bad he sucks at chess

⤷ landonorris you cheated!

lilymhe u look so sexy let me take u out 🫢

⤷ yourusername only if ur paying 🫢

⤷ lilymhe we’ll put it on alex’s card

⤷ yourusername sounds good

⤷ alex_albon do i have a say in this?

⤷ lilymhe no.

⤷ yourusername no.

⤷ landonorris no.

⤷ oscarpiastri no.

yourusername made a new post!

liked by lilymhe, logansargeant and 31,245 others

yourusername y/n l/n fakes an interest in getting her degree 🍾🥂

tagged: ybfusername, youruniversity

view all 2,103 comments

landonorris that caption isn't even a lie 🤐

⤷ yourusername sorry cant hear you over the sound of me being a graduate

⤷ landonorris did you not literally spend the last year asking if you’d “finish this degree or if it would finish you” ??

⤷ yourusername i literally have a piece of paper that says i finished it

⤷ landonorris talk to me when you get a trophy

⤷ yourusername ok mr won one race now thinks hes the shit

⤷ username4 gagged.

landonorris but fr, congratulations y/n! proud of you always!

⤷ username4 always huh? im smelling soft launch

⤷ username9 go back to bed grandma

oscarpiastri congrats on reading and writing stuff bestie!

⤷ yourusername thanks king! <3

username6 intelligent queen we loveee

username6 suck on that david coulthard.

⤷ yourusername he better be sleeping with one eye open

⤷ username11 got a degree and now thinks she's better than a literal racing legend

⤷ yourusername dude do u like need a hug or something? if i didn't know any better id think you were in love with me

username2 shes so unserious i love her

lilyzneimer congratulations gorgeous!

⤷ yourusername congratulations to you too lil <3

⤷ username3 hot girls get degrees 🤷 i don't make the rules

⤷ lilyzneimer still cant believe the girl that used to sleep in biology graduated university

⤷ yourusername me neither tbf

⤷ oscarpiastri same.

⤷ yourusername no one asked u vroom vroom

username13 what was your dissertation on?

⤷ yourusername net-zero carbon development in race mechanisms and engineering !

⤷ username13 oh you SMART smart

⤷ landonorris debatable

logansargeant well done! does this mean no more highlighters abandoned on the floor of williams hospitality?

⤷ alex_albon please say yes 🙏

⤷ yourusername but watching you trip over them was so funny 😟

ybfusername those 3am library trips finally paid off! 🙏

⤷ yourusername jet lagged delirium and caffeine i will miss u

⤷ ybfusername im so proud of us

lilymhe graduate, baker, sexiest woman alive - is there anything you cant do?

⤷ yourusername have a genuine interest in motorsport 🤷

⤷ lilymhe wait till they find out you fake an interest in golf too 💀

⤷ yourusername im only there to see u bbygirl

yourusername made a new post!

liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri and 24,789 others

yourusername here to watch my friends drive fast cars.

tagged: lilymhe, landonorris

view all 703 comments

landonorris well, some of us drive fast cars

⤷ alex_albon what are you trying to say?

⤷ landonorris speak up a bit i cant hear you from the podium

username8 lando? yn?

⤷ username8 i feel like im interupting something

⤷ username4 can we let them just be friends and not ruin this pls

lilymhe oh we are so back

⤷ yourusername and we’re never leaving! <3

⤷ alex_albon oh god

⤷ logansargeant please no

⤷ yourusername fine, ill leave 😟

mclaren hope to see you in our garage soon y/n!

⤷ yourusername i have always looked good in papaya

⤷ username8 admin how much did lando pay u to say that?

⤷ mclaren 🤫

oscarpiastri williams take her back she keeps slapping my hat across the room

logansargeant you literally told me you're only here to get max’s autograph and sell it on ebay?

⤷ yourusername ok and?

⤷ maxverstappen1 poster or hat?

⤷ yourusername both please 🫶

⤷ maxverstappen1 bring a pen

⤷ username7 what have i just read?

⤷ maxverstappen1 im supporting y/n's financial endeavours?

[technowoah]

Cant Handle This

Quackity's facade keeps breaking, and he tries to keep the pieces together. You're the only one who can make him show his true self

- Quackity x gen neutral reader

- this is a long one yall.

Now playing...

Can't Handle This (Kanye Rant)

Bo Burnham

0:01 ─●──────── 3:29

⚠︎ swearing, angst, mentions of mcyttwt, based on the song above, and ofc its not proofread

Part of my Inside Special!

Quackity sat in his chair currently streaming right now, he seemed like he was having a good time from your spot on his bed. You were currently laying on his bed after he invited you here to relax.

You two had laid in his bed just enjoying eachothers company until he got a call from Tommy saying he was ready for the lore stream which sent Alex into a frenzy. Alex sent out a quick "Im sorry" about the lateness of his stream and then quickly set everything up.

He then started to stream which left you alone on the the bed to your own devices. You were scrolling through Twitter looking at Alex's fans talk about what's happening on the stream and posting screenshots of his character and himself.

You admired him from afar as he ended the lore part of his stream, he took time to type on his phone to text you that he decided to stream longer to talk to his fans. He looked to you and you have him a nod with a smile and he gave one back.

"Hey guys! That's the end of the lore!" He exclaimed to his chat as he types at his computer setting a new background.

You continued to listen to him praise his chat for supporting him and making him be able to make those types of streams. You were always proud of Alex no matter what he did, you were always his number one supporter no matter what happened in reality or on the internet.

"So anyways! I wanted to talk to you guys! How are you all?" He smiled at his camera looking back and forth from his chat.

◇T0mm71nn1t: THE STREAM WAS SO GOOD QUACKITY

"Oh thank you! Im glad I could share this with you. It takes so much to put into these movite type streams, so I know now it is all worth it."

Quackity's pov. . .

He felt so overwhelmed, he shouldn't have began to stream again. The stress of putting everything together, plus being late to the stream made him rush into it more. He just wanted to lay back down with his lover who was enjoying watching him stream, and that's the goal he wants. His goal was to entertain, it was his job and he doesn't want to fail, he doesn't want to crack.

◇Mayatooni3: WE LOVE YOU QUACKITY

◇catiiequak: QUACKITY ITS MY BIRTHDAY CAN I GET A HAPPY BIRTHDAY??

◇yriaaolic: 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

"Happy Birthday!" He said seeing the comment pass in a second. "Happy Birthday to anyone who's Birthday it is today."

Right now it was hard. It was hard to keep up when there was always a constant demand, the constant need to be perfect, his past being brought up, and trying to one-up his content everytime. He loved this, but at the same time it had the same weight as a job.

In the back of his mind he knew the "When is Quackity streaming???" is mostly lighthearted, he never wants to leave.

"Quack are you okay? Im fine! Just thinking about how to get something to eat at 2am." He laughed lying to his fans, he wanted to stop this stream.

He kept looking over to his lover lying their head on his pillow scrolling through their phone and alternating their vision from him and their phone. He always caught a glimpse of their small smile everytime he looked. He was doing something right.

"Do yall think Taco Bell is open? The only problem I have is that Im fucking starving."

He paused for a moment taking a deep breath trying to keep his emotions down. The stress was getting to him, and he fucking knew it, but he didnt stop. He was going to get burnt out eventually and stop streaming and YouTube all together, but he needed this. He needed a break, he needed to take time for himself and stop putting on a happy face when he isnt.

TTS ◇pulixsaxe: "Did you see what was happening on Twitter quackity?"

"Wait what's happening on Twitter?" He asked with a weary laugh.

I can sit here and pretend like my biggest problems are

Pringle cans, and burritos

The truth is, my biggest problem's you,

Your eyes widened as he mentioned Twitter. Truth be told he was trending because of his stream, yes, but also they brung up stuff from his past again in the wake of another content creator's past or present being brought up. You hadn't paid attention to that, you were only getting fueled up from Twitter bringing up an issue that he already had addressed.

Tempted to speak and tell him its fine, he already spoke up before you.

"I bet it's fine! I dont wanna... I don't need to look." He said with a smile. He always had that smile on.

Either it was a full smile or a half smile. It never left his face and it comforted you somehow. Maybe it was that you were his significant other, but you always wondered if anyone saw the same things as you. The things like his smile that never left his face.

"Yeah! I dont need to look at that." He waved his hand dismissing the comment away. He then sighed letting his shoulders relax as you saw his smile fade and his eyes close for a second and immediately put that small smile back on his face while his eyes were glossy, but bright.

He needed to end this stream soon. You saw his face fall then in a split second come back to life except his eyes were glossy with tears. You wondered if anyone else noticed.

"I want to please you

But I want to stay true to myself

I want to give you the night out that you deserve"

His eyes tearful as he tried to blink them away trying to not make a scene.

"Sorry! Allergies ugh!" He said as he wiped his tears away claiming them as allergies.

"Are you crying? No! Im not a pussy!" He yelled at his chat in a joking manner.

He was crying and he felt weak. He felt emotionally weak, and weak as in not strong, he didn't feel strong and his lover who was sitting on his bed with a concerned look on their face always told him that it's okay to feel weak. The only meaningful thing is how you pick yourself up, they always told him, bur now he felt at rock bottom.

He wanted to give his fans "himself", the goofy, lovable, loud, quick-witted, Quackity. But then again his lover always told him to separate Quackity from Alex. He wanted to give himself to his audience, he wanted to be authentic and share himself, but he cant. Alex isn't all laughs, he is serious, calmer, and when he gets on the screen is when he lets it all out then goes back to his more calmer self. That's not what they want.

"But I want to say what I think

And not care what you think about it"

Giving himself meant dialing back, he wants to tell how hes actually feeling, he wants to say what he thinks about Twitter, what he thinks about certain friends, about his fanbase, and then leave it alone. He wanted to delete social media and then speak his mind without knowing what anyone is saying about it. It was paradise to him, but of course it cant be that way and that's what he hates. He feels like a actor when he really wants to be himself.

"A part of me loves you,"

Alex loved his fanbase, he had such a supportive fanbase that loved his content. Some of them did atleast he didn't fully know, but they gave him the courage to do this time and time again knowing that his content is at least taking them from the harsh reality of real life for a few minutes or hours. This was the reason he did this, for them.

Alex would never admit this but they boosted his ego too, it would for anyone. The fact that there were people who wanted and enjoyed content from him made him feel good about himself.

"part of me hates you"

He hated the contant criticisms, he hates that they feed his ego so much that it makes him want to stream more to feel good about himself and to make people get away for awhile. Alex knew inside of his heart he couldn't truly hate his fanbase, they gave him everything he ever wanted. He hates them for that and that's such a scary thing. He never fails to wonder if he did the things to deserve all the love and hate he gets.

"Part of me needs you,"

They feed his ego, they make him want to go above and beyond. Alex knows that his fanbase is the reason he is here in this chair infront of three expensive monitors. He knows that this is some sort of a job that he needed. He needed the push to keep going and that was them, it was the 200k people watching his stream watching him answer questions about him and

"part of me fears you"

He was fearful of loosing himself to them. Loosing his authenticity to them was something he feared. He didnt want his funny, loud persona to consume him and make him forget about Alex instead of Quackity. He fears what they think as well, he claims he doesnt care, but he does he wants to please them. It feels like two parts of his brain fighting about if he should care or not.

"And I don't think that I can handle this right now"

The text-to-speech bot continued to speak out people's comments that theu paid for while he sat there quietly. He bit his bottom lip trying to not break down infront of everyone he needed to be strong. He needed to be strong.

If he looked up at the camera everyone would see his tears, they would see him breaking.

He played it off as he brough his shirt up to wipe the tears away, claiming it as sweat.

"Im good! Im sorry I spaced out for a second." He shook his head.

He saw you look at him with that same concerned look on your face. As he switched his gaze between you and his computer, he felt his tears come back again.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"Alex." You tried to get his attention.

"Yeah guys Im fine!"

"Alex"

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"I have plans later for another lore stream, so Ill start doing that later tonight."

"ALEX!" You yelled and his head turned around to face you.

"What?" He laughed, biting his lip again.

You couldn't stop him doing this, you could try to course him into going to bed, but right now you couldn't find the words. You just stared at him while he looked at you with a somber smile trying to tell you that he was okay.

He felt his mind telling himself that he need to rest. He wouldnt allow himself to and thats why he was breaking down.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

Alex was blinking rapidly trying to keep his breathing and tears at bay while he answered his fans.

"My allergies are fine! And I drank water today."

◇moonchild21: WE LOVE YOU

◇sopusand: Why do you look like that?

◇wuackityoo: are you crying??

"Crying is for the weak! I am a strong manly man! Im crying cause I noticed how alpha I am!" He tried to play it off as a "Im a man" joke but you could see right through it.

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

"I don't think that I can handle this right-"

You had sent a quick text to Alex which told him to end the stream for his own mental health, but he left the message unread. He began sniffing and the wiping his eyes again. It was a wreck and you couldn't seem to stop it without literally dragging him out of his chair.

Meanwhile the screens were getting to Alex. Alex's eyes were getting tired of the bright screens and the rapid messages that popped up on the screen overwhelmed him for what it seemed like the first time ever in his strraming career. He wanted to give them the fun night they deserved and wanted, but he knows it's getting hard to. He dosent know how long he can keep this up.

As Alex kept joking around about his eyes and physical state the chat was filled with "LMAO" and "HAHAHA" which fuled him more and then at the same time makes him want to stop.

Look at them, they're just staring at me, like

"Come and watch the skinny kid with a

Steadily declining mental health, and laugh as he attempts

To give you what he cannot give himself"

He cannot give himself the luxury of happiness. As he went on with his career it became more and more like a chore, there was mostly down days and of course there were up days, but recently Alex gave his fans the happiness and laughes they wanted while when he turned off the camera he couldn't replicate that same energy as he had before.

It messed him up, he felt himself become separated from his streaming. He wasn't being himself anymore he was being Quackity and that became more apparent as the days passed. He wanted to be himself on camera and at first thats what he thought he was doing. He was himself then it turned into a persona.

Alex wasn't okay and he he needed to take a break from the internet for a while, but he tries to act like he dosent have a dilemma going on inside of his head everytime he sits in this seat. Its for the fans.

"Think that I can handle this right-

I don't think that I can handle this right-

They don't even know the half of this right-

They don't even know the half of it"

"Alex you need to end the stream. Please?"

He looked towards you again where you moved your position from the middle of the bed to sitting up on the end of the bed.

"Ive told you millions of times." He paused for a moment looking down at his lap before looking back up to you. "Im-Im okay." He nodded trying to convince you.

"But I know I'm not a doctor, I'm a pussy, I put on a silly show

I should probably just shut up and do my job, so here I go"

"Cant you belive them!" He laughed to his camera. You scoffed at his comment but still kept an eye on him as he talked.

You didnt need to baby him at all, but right now you were worried about your lover.

Alex continued talking and talking, which you drowned out. You were focused on his face and how he faltered time to time just showing a small frown.

He laughed and showed them a good time even though he was hurting. He kept going and going and you were convinced he was going to hold out until you heard him sniff multiple times while trying to make a joke about the new Minecraft update and how the glow squid has no use.

"Stupid ass squid! Why- why? Its no use expect for glowing ink. Who voted for that!?"

You can tell them anything if you just make it funny, make it rhyme

And if they still don't understand you, then you run it one more time

"Dumbass squid!" He pulled up a picture if the squid as he yelled at it.

You began to worry even more as you saw tears running down his face. He quickly tried to wipe them away, but he knew everyone saw.

Handle this right

You don't even know the half of this right now

Right now (Haa!)

Now

Handle this right

I'll handle this right, I handle this right now

Alex leaned back in his seat and had a blank stare towards the monitor. Looked down for a second and then you heard sobbing coming from his spot. Alex had his head in his hands and was crying harshly into them.

He had finally broken, he couldn't stop the tears from coming and the loud sobs that came from his mouth. He was trying to desperately breathe in to be able to sob, but ended up hiccuping while doing so.

Your eyes widened as you rushed to him resting your hand on his knees and you kneeling infront of him.

"I cant do fu-fucking anything!" He yelled into his hands.

"Hey! I know. Its okay." You tried to console him.

"Its not I try so hard! And I-"

You cut him off. "You are a hard worker Alex and you deserve a week or two off. Take care of you self babe." You stood up bringing his hand with you and trying to make him stand up. He followed your movements and stood up with you putting his head on your shoulder crying into it.

"I just ca-cant right now!"

"You dont have to do anything right now babe."

"Im sorry!" Alex sobbed.

"Dont be." You said bluntly trying to get your lover to calm down.

You rubbed his back soothingly as he sniffled into your shoulder. "Im sorry for ruining your shirt." He tried to laugh through his tears.

"Dont be sorry! Please. You just need rest okay?" You kissed his forehead and he nodded in response.

Alex raised his head up an started to pepper kisses all over your face as you laughed. He gave you one last peck on the lips as he walked away to quickly change into night clothes. You smiled as he laid underneath the covers and continued to softly cry into his sheets. At least he was in bed and not makijg himself even worse.

He couldn't stop the tears from flowing, it was like a flood that could only be stopped with time. He felt like a boulder was lifted off his shoulders only to be replaced with smaller rocks. The smaller rocks was the guilt he held. He felt guilty of making his lover worry about him, he didnt want you to worry.

You rushed over to his desk and turned off the stream and his computers not even bothering to give them a goodnight or goodbye. After the computer lights were turned off it was quite dark in the room except for small light.

Finally you were where you wanted to be all day, in bed with Alex. But this wasnt the predicament you wanted.

"Forgive me. I just cant do shit right can I?" His eyes were still full of tears and he was getting tired.

"Alex dont listen to anyone but yourself." You tried to console him.

"That's what I'm telling myself."

Silence filled the room as you looked at him through tearful eyes of your own.

"Alex, you're so amazing and I cant even tell you how much I appreciate you, and how much you change my life. You do so much shit right its scary sometimes. Some days I think you're perfect, but there's-"

"There's no such thing as perfect." Alex finished your sentence.

"Exactly! Even the best people have their downfalls, they just dont show it. And Alex I know you struggle with that! All I can say is that I love you for you." You finished.

"Can I talk to you about my dilemmas?" He tried to laugh again.

"Tomorrow we can talk. We both need the rest." You said to him as he closed his eyes and nodded in response. He gave you a kiss on you lips before laying back down to sleep.

"Thank you."

"Thank you

Good night

I hope you're happy"

TRENDING

ARE YOU OKAY

10.1k tweets

QUACKITY

20k tweets

ARE YOU OKAY QUACKITY?

13.7k tweets

[ynsimagines]

Supergirl Request: B!D moving out.

When Kara first found out you were moving to National City after graduating High School she insisted you move into her apartment with her. 

It was so much fun living together Kara was a great roommate. But then things started to get...intense. You and Kara had both been through a lot, she had been through hell. From having to save the world multiple times, to having her heart broken after losing Mon-el, and then being beaten into a coma by Reign. 

Then there was you, you’re asthma had started getting bad again. If that wasn’t difficult enough you were also diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. Kara took care of you a lot, and often had to take turns with Alex driving you to doctors appointments. Kara had the weight of the world on her shoulders and you felt like you only added to her stress. You did pay equal rent, but Kara could definitely afford it on her own. And despite your illness you tried to help with housework but Kara could get it done in three seconds flat.

Which is why you find yourself in this position. Sitting at the kitchen island looking at apartment listings. The problems is that everything in National City was pretty expensive even with the decent salary you made. You’d also need to find furniture too, and of course any other apartment wouldn’t be as great cause Kara wouldn’t be there. You notice your vision starting to get slightly blurry as you’re now in tears you had been crying for a few minutes when you heard the door open.

“Ugh today was so long,” Kara said as you quickly wiped your eyes not wanting her to see you upset. “I’m so hungry,” she walked towards where you were sitting before you could click out of what you were looking at. 

“Why are you looking at apartments in National City especially that area? It can be pretty dangerous I’ve been there before on patrol,” you go to try and make up some excuse about how your just looking for a friend when Kara cuts you off.

“Wait Y/N, have you been crying?” Your sister’s voice instantly turning to one of concern. “Little one, are you okay? Did something happen?”

“Its fine Kara, I’m okay,” but you already felt your walls starting to crumble realizing you were again on the verge of tears. 

“You’re clearly not sweetie, what’s wrong?” 

“I figured -’ you paused trying to stop yourself from breaking.  “You would get sick of me living with you especially because you’re always having to take care of me.”

“I would never,”

“But you will I’m such a burden to you. I just get in your way.”

“Y/N M/N Danvers,” She sat down next to you and placed a hand on your knee, but you were staring at the ground, so she placed her fingers under your chin and gently but firmly lifted your head up so you had no choice but to look her in the eyes. “You have never and will never be a burden. I’m your big sister its my job to take care of you I’d do that no matter what, no matter where you lived.”

“But-”

“No, just listen,” she said kindly. “You help me stay strong,” she says wrapping you up in a super sized hug. 

“I love having someone to come home too, I love hugging and cuddling with you, and someone I can have fun with.”

“Rao, I would miss you so much if you left,” she said hugging you again. You’re pretty sure you were both sobbing at this point,

“I’d miss you too.”

“I’m sorry if I made you feel like I didn’t want you here.”

You shook your head, “just my inner demons again.”

Kara nodded understanding, “I think we need to work on your self esteem baby girl,” she said playing with your hair.

“I love you so much dont ever forget that,” she kissed the top of your head.

“I love you too.”

[houseki-no-suffering]

Pssst.... gush about some thing you’ve wanted to for so long but haven’t found the ask to do so! I really like reading your metas or off-the-wall posts.

aw ty!

mmmh usually i just crank out a random meta when i feel like it, which i havent had the energy to do in a while. so have a lot of hcs about gem language, gem society and how it resembles a totalitarian system cause why not, this is already a dystopia. 

goes from cute to shady real quick, have fun

Gem Vocabulary

gems have no gender, they dont age, they dont reproduce. the whole vocabulary about relationships, aging and sex must be completely different in gem language. they probably lack a lot of words we commonly use, and have unique words for things we dont have (like winter duty, patrol duty... i wouldnt be surprised if gem language had unique grammatical features for those)

this is one of the reasons why its so unfair of aechmea to call cairn ‘wife’ and ‘princess.’ the gems have no concept of wife-ness, we dont know if a gem equivalent of marriage exists, but its definitely much, much different from what the lunarians (and us) perceive as one.

do gems have anything akin coming of age? this could be weird bc gems can potentially live forever, but they can also be abducted by the lunarians at any time, so who’s to say how long a lustrous will live? how do you calculate being ‘of age’? is it by calculating the average life-span of a gem? 

how do they measure time and seasons? we know they have winter and summer and phos mentions ‘spring’ in chapter 20, but what about months and lunar phases? do they have words for that or are months just too small a timeframe for the immortal lustrous to utilize? how do they measure time? in hours and seconds? weeks? different units altogether?

Gem Relationships

similarly, gem relationships are codified in a completely different way. we know they have a concept of romance bc dia ships phos and shinsha and makes comments here and there about other gems being in love. 

at the same time, the relationships btw alexandrite and chrysoberyl, padpa and rutile, ghost/cairn and lapis etc are little different from ‘pure’ sibling/sibling relationships or senpai/kohai relationships.

this is not to say that they’re all romantic in nature, but the way they’re codified in canon (especially in the way the characters grief for their partner) makes me think that even if the gems have no blood/physical kinship with one another they have a very articulated system of establishing family bonds.

dia and bort are clearly siblings, but the same can’t be said, for example, for rutile and padpa, even if they were partners and even if they display a similar junior/senior relationship. this means that relationships are predicated on something else in hnk, and kinship, family and romance are all codified in a different way.

think of vulcans in star trek: physical contact such as two fingers touching, holding hands and kissing is unknown of (save for very specific circumstances). and vulcan people have a completely different way of expressing intimacy and romance than humans. 

this makes me think: just how many canonically romantic relationships are there in hnk (if any) that we’re simply unaware of bc the way gems codify and express romance is so different from ours? is romance even common? rare? perceived as weird? useless? 

what about other relationships? the gems use ‘little brother/ older brother’ but what if this is just japanese approximations? what kind of relationships can lustrous language really express and how different are they from ours?

Imagination

as @ruddy-rutile​ pointed out some time ago, the gems lack a concept of fantasy. thats why i posted that panel about alex’s original lunarian designs. sure, it’s funny, but it also makes you think: these gems are not raised to think outside the box and they can do it without being told so only under exceptional circumstances.

of the vast library of texts that ghost (and lapis) used to take care of, just how many are novels and fiction? none of them? a small amount? a decent amount? in a society thats as focused on practicality, efficiency and conservatism as the lustrous’, how is fiction perceived if perceived at all? 

is there art? red beryl’s craft comes very close to art when they express their feelings about ‘fashion for fashion’s sake,’ but it’s an exception that the other gems find hard to grasp.

phos is often told to stop fantasizing about the world and get things done, the only tale we know the gems are told is the actual story of how their world came to be. the gems always talk about real things, stuff that happened, and make and do things that have a practical use. 

even bort’s jellyfish diary is just made up of a recollection of what happened when they tried to feed them. still, the fact that bort names the jellyfish makes you think that these rocks do have potential for fantasy, theyre just not used to it

Totalitarianism and Privacy

to make this even more shady, here’s your gentle reminder that:

- gems’ rooms have no doors. the only door ive been able to find is the one in shinsha’s room (ch 2) and that is because shinsha’s room is closed off to other people and full of mercury. its like putting a patch on smth you dont want to deal with (much like shinsha’s whole character arc tbh)

- the gems have little to no free time. or their free time can be revoked any time in case an emergency occurs, sensei is napping etc. the gems’ time is rigorously managed by jade, euc and sensei. each gem has a place to be and a time to be.

this means that a missing gem can be found at all times and slackers can be identified very easily. they all have a job and they have to follow it. this is not to say that they have no fun ever, but leisure time is rare and (at least as far as we know) its not contemplated when tasks are assigned each day.

the mere fact that there is a morning assembly and tasks are assigned each day makes you think. is this communism? is this totalitarianism? but most importantly, is this a scary dystopia that hits you in the face like a brick the third time you reread ch 2?   

- sameness > equality. i already went over this in the past. gems society underlines sameness and conformity over anything else. the gems think theyre equal but theyre actually ‘similar.’

a system based on equality emphasizes differences so that every individual can do the best with what they have got and get back what they need, according to their personal needs. 

these gems emphasize sameness: everyone is upheld to the same standards, even when those standards dont match with a gem’s unique characteristics (ie phos cannot be a fighter, no reason to keep saying stuff like ‘if only you were stronger/you’re useless’ etc. they’re a rock with an imagination in a world where dull reality is the rule. just make them write theater plays and play with slugs with shinsha, wth)

It’s real 1984 hours:

all of the above means that:

- your sense of self is subordinated to the group. if you dont belong you’re simply a nothing. at times, the gems almost display a collective consciousness (a pretty hostile one too): everything must be decided together and done together

- you are what you do. gems identify completely with their job. thats why a job is so important, thats why this system is so fucked up. self worth is not inherent, it depends on what you can do. talk about a breeding ground for mental health issues 

- you dont have a saying in picking your career or deciding for you future. thats up to sensei (and maybe euc and jade). unless you have a very strong affinity with a certain task (like red beryl and alex)

- youre expected to follow orders all the damn time. no matter how much sensei wants his gems to exert free will, they still prefer to do what theyre told. ill admit, its much easier than taking your life in your hands and decide what youre gonna do with it, but damn if it isnt depressing. and childish

- euclase and sensei are the authority. sensei and euc are the powers that be. in the sense that they assign tasks, they decide on times and battle plans, on purpose etc. lets not forget that euc was the one to take on sensei’s role after he ‘resigned.’ 

i wonder what would happen if euc were abducted and the gems had no one to follow anymore, no orders. who’d be the new leader? would there be one? lets not forget that no matter how gentle euc is, phos is shit scared of them.

- thought police is a thing. to end this meta on what is probably the shadiest note: surveillance is a thing. the gems report on each other, it’s thought police, no sugarcoating this. 

there’s no privacy, no secrets. even antarc reads rutile’s diary. this goes from cute and childish (’you did this one wrong thing, im gonna tell sensei’) to absolutely fucked up (’you did this one wrong thing, im gonna tell sensei’)

[assassinscreedxreader]

The Hybrid (Pt2/?)

Warnings Violence Strong Language and alcohol use

Alexzander: Umm ok do you think she hates hybrids?

Samantha: uhh i don’t think so but let call her and check while i do this go and get your things even if she does she hasn’t paid rent in two months so i can kick her out. (she gives Alexzander a worrying look as she said it) 

Alexzander: (goes and grabs the small amount of the things he owns and walks up to Samantha, as she is yelling at who ever is on the phone) Umm I am packed.

Samantha: (stops yelling) ok 2 seconds (continues yelling and says if you don’t like it then get out or deal with it) ok Alexzander following me to my car and we can head over as I thought my roommate isn’t happy about you moving in to the spare room but she cam shove it up her ass.

Alexzander: (looks a little worried of what he just got himself into and is a bit scared of what is to come of this) ok (gets in car)

Samantha: Sorry my car is a bit of a mess and I wasn’t expecting company ill clean it after we get to the house and we live outside of town probably should of told you that.

Alexzander: Its fine and thank you for taking me in and how much is rent and stuff.

Samantha: oh  don’t worry about that for now i now you just started working today so you probably don’t got anything to give.

Alexzander: yea sorry its been rough me I got denied from like five jobs and this was the only one that was hiring. could you please keep it a secret that i am a hybrid I like this job and don’t want to fuck it up.

Samantha: you don’t know who I am do you?

Alexzander: Umm a regular at the café.

Samantha: No dumbass I own the bitch i just pay people to hire and keep the place running.

Alexzander: (in shock to the fact she doesn’t care about him being a hybrid and giving him a place to stay and gave him a job) well ok i can work for the rent for now and start to pay you later.

Samantha: (Smirks) yea for now but if you fall behind don’t worry about just remember I will ask for favors if you do.

Alexzander: what type of favors?

Samantha: I don’t yet but I will somethings you can take care of. and we are here.

Alexzander: (when she said a nice house i didn’t think of a goddamn mansion) I didn’t think this place is where you were staying how much is rent (he says this with a strain in his voice and is terrified) 

Samantha: (giggles) only a thousand month and I pay for food. 

Alexzander: how can you afford this.

Samantha: Alex I own one of the most popular cafés in the state I make a lot more than you think. enough talking lets head in.

they enter the mansion and it isn’t as fancy as you would think it has six bedrooms three bathrooms and a large kitchen and a large living room.

Samantha: welcome to my home make yourself comfortable and ill show you to your room.

Alexzander: ok (he follows her upstairs into one of the bedrooms and it was a large room with a king sized bed and a night stand and dresser) wow this is really nice.

Samantha: I know right best one in the house.

Alexzander: uhh what.

Samantha: yea you said you have had a rough life and I thought I would be nice and give you the best room in the house.

Alexzander: (in shock) umm you don't have to but if you don't mind I guess I can and are you sure.

Samantha: yep tomorrow you are going to tell me all about your self and how it is to be a hybrid.

Alexzander: sure 

Samantha: oooh one last question do you drink blood or eat people because i dont want you bringing bodies to my house or trying to eat me in my sleep.

Alexzander: (laughs) no I can drink blood if I need to but other wise no.

Samantha: k making sure sleep well.

Alexzander: ok I will.

The sun of the next morning rises and Samantha busts into  Alexzander’s at six am.

Samantha: ok forget to tell you we wake up at six so get up lazy ass.

Alexzander: (jumps out of bed and sticks to the roof) what the hell.

Samantha: whoa thats cool you can crawl on the roof I hope you aren’t damaging it.

Alexzander: no I can walk up any surface and you scared the shit out of me dont do that again.

Samantha: or what you going to attack me or something? (she looks pissed now is ready to give a good ass beating to who ever upset her)

Alexzander: no I run out the window or push past you.

Samantha: oh ok dont you break that window and i made breakfast hop your hungry.(she leaves his room)

Samantha: (busts back into the room) oh btw.....

Alexzander: (changing shirts and she see’s his scarred  up body) you couldn’t of knocked first (puts shirt on)

Samantha: umm why do you have so many scars?(she seems upset and worried for him)

Alexzander: I use to be owned by someone who treated me like shit and forced me to do hard labor. he whipped me and beat me until the law was passed that you couldn’t own hybrids anymore.

Samantha: oh shit how did your parents let him do that to you.

Alexzander: they were killed and I couldn’t go into adoption so they stuck my ass with him. 

Samantha: oh my god how old were you?

Alexzander: nine.

Samantha: uhhh holy shit I am so sorry for getting mad do you need a hug or something.

Alexzander: no but thank you.

Samantha: Oh come on you just told a heartbreaking story come here.(she tries to hug  Alexzander he just moves out of her way and keeps on dodging he attempts to try to comfort him. he is very shy especially around woman so this is his nightmare.

Alexzander: i am ok no need to hug me

Samantha: oh dont say that come here just for a second.

Alexzander: (keeps dodging her)

Samantha: Ok now i am going to touch your ears too so come here. (she tackles him) gotcha (she proceeds to hug and pet him for a couple of minutes)

Alexzander:  .........

Samantha: omg are you blushing your face is pure red your so adorable!!!

Alexzander: (stuttering) Cannn yoouuuuu geeetttt oooffff noooow.

Samantha: fine (she lets go of him and helps him up) ok now time for breakfast.

Shira: what in the fuck were you too doing in there.

End for now   

[ruffiorocks]

James Olsen and Why he is a terrible character. (Anti James, in case it isn't clear).

So I've been thinking a lot about James Olsen and the reasons why I don't like him that have nothing to do with him getting in the way of Supercorp.

The truth is I haven't liked James Olsen since the first episode. He isn't James Olsen to me. I know I know they changed up the character and people often do this. But James Olsen is a canon and iconic nerd with a camera. To be honest if I didn't know who the characters were already I'd have clocked Winn as James, Winn is more James Olsen than this James is.

I disliked him almost immediately, he was basically there for a fresh start but he also took it upon himself to keep an eye on Kara. I didn't like the fact that he knew Kara's secret, something she should have control over. Imagine if she had just out right told Winn who Clark was? (OK,she and James kind of did by accident while arguing but that's beside the point). 

James also instantly started flirting with Kara, probably not what Clark had in mind. Isn't there a bro code? No sisters or only living relatives?

James and Winn both acted all put out when they realized that they both knew Kara’s secret, ‘you told him?!’ Well actually Kara told Winn, she didnt tell James. Neither one has the right to feel indignant here. Kara is allowed more than one person in the know and more than one friend.

James and Winn started a pointless rivalry over who was going to get with Kara, instead of just being the friends she needed. They both even said that Kara wouldn't be into Adam since she wasn't into either one of them!!

James didn't believe that Kara could deal with issues on her own. He told her that even Clark couldn't beat Reactron, therefore there is no way Kara could. He immediately called Clark when she was fighting him, granted he was worried, but it wasnt his place to decide Kara wasn't capable. Especially when it turns out she was capable. 

Then Lucy turned up, Kara discovers this by walking in on her and James. James it turns out hadn’t exactly fully broken up with Lucy. She spent time on her career while he neglected her in favor of being up Superman’s ass. She was understandably upset about this. But he decides they should give it another try! He completely forgets that he had been leading Kara on from the moment he set eyes on her. Now his ‘sort of ex’ turns up and Kara is a distant memory. Or is she? James decides that he is still going to give Kara longing looks, which isnt fair on either Kara or Lucy. Granted he doesn't want to take Lucy to game night, but he does and he spends time bonding with Lucy right in front of Kara, no regard for her feelings, and he gives her longing looks all night. 

James then starts neglecting Lucy in favor of running to Supergirls side whenever she needs him. Once again doing the same thing he did that caused Lucy to leave the first time. This eventually causes Lucy to leave again, and i dont blame her. Thankfully she doesnt hate Kara for it. 

I think General Lane had it right ‘You’re a glorified paparazzi’ yes, he is. That is James’s strength and he should have stuck to it. ‘You surround yourself with special people but that doesnt make YOU special’. Yes, right again General lane. James does do this, he is always surrounded by Superheroes and seems to leech off of their fame. 

Remember how into Kara James was? Up until he realized that she in fact not perfect! After the Red K incident, Kara went to see James and apologize and he didnt want anything to do with her. He realized she had faults, and women apparently cant have these, so he basically gets her to leave. Ill give him kudos for not getting with her when she came onto him at the club though. 

When Barry Allen turned up James was once again instantly jealous, even though he was the one who had basically rejected Kara. Kara wasn’t even into Barry, she was just excited to have a new friend with Super powers. ‘Jealousy! Thy name is Olsen’ Yes Winn, you are absolutely right! She is allowed friends James! 

Season 2 James isnt much better, he has less redeeming qualities. He is instantly jealous of Mon El. He tells Kara that Mon El isnt a hero, like he gets to make that decision. He basically decides to become a hero because everyone else around him was one, Clark and Kara were super heroes, Alex and Lucy worked for the DEO, Jonn was part of the DEO and has powers, Winn even got brought in to work for the DEO, oh and Mon El was instantly welcomed to be a hero and be at the DEO. I see James becoming a ‘hero’ because he was simply feeling left out. At one point he just turns up at the DEO to see Winn. How is he getting past security? Even Jonn tells him to leave and go back to being a photographer. 

James talks Winn into basically stealing materials from the DEO to make him a suit, then he gets all pissed at Winn because Winn is taking his time and he does actually have a job! He doesn't want James to get hurt with an uncompleted suit, but no, James is so demanding and yells at Winn! So desperate to be relevant. 

He does in fact nearly get himself killed and Kara is understandably pissed! Yes its not up to Kara who gets to be a hero, James uses Mon El as an example here, The difference is though that Mon El had super powers and James had a tin suit and a black belt. James uses the fact that he ‘has a black belt’ as justification for him being a hero. Sorry, but who doesn't have a back belt now?  James doesnt even train, he just gets his suit and jumps straight in. Even Kara and Alex had to train! Remember how cocky Kara was and Alex kicked her ass? Alex wasnt even allowed out in the field until months of training! (Her words) But James apparently can just jump in with no issue. I really dont get why Alex didnt put a stop to this. 

Anyone who says ‘well Batman, Green Arrow, White Canary etc’ can do it. Yeah but Batman was was trained by the League of Assassins, same as Sara. Oh and Oliver Queen trained and survived for years on a desert Island. He trains every day honing his skills. Do we ever see James train at all? 

Then we have James being instantly against Lena. No evidence against her, just her name and the fact that she is related to Lex. He is so prejudice against her, he even vows to prove to Kara that she is guilty, even though she isnt and he doesnt get to prove this. 

James is left in charge of Cat Co? Such a dumb story line, What does a photo journalist know about running a multi media empire? Honestly Kara as Cat’s assistant would know more about it that James! 

When Lena saves Cat Co, James is surprised she turns up and is staying there. What did he think was going to happen? She would pay millions of dollars for a company and not care about what was going on? ‘Thanks for saving us, i was thinking of setting up weekly meetings and carrying on running Cat Co the way i want to’. Yeah, Lena kind of shot that down didn't she?! ‘Ill be here everyday’ ‘We dont even have an office for you?’ Well she is entitled to your office now James, but she didn't take it did she?. Yes Lena set up meetings without telling James, which she probably shouldn't have, but maybe she wanted to see what was going on without his influence? Even whens she asked why Kara kept running off on the first day James was rude to her and said ‘She’s a reporter its what she does!’. 

Then suddenly we have an awkward flirtation. We have that awkward kiss,  then James and his creepy hand on Lena’s bare shoulder. Even she looks uncomfortable and squirms out of his grasp. He looks surprised and a little miffed she isnt allowing this. She calls Kara and James ex and he allows her to believe that, this simply isnt true. They had one date at Kara’s loft, then Mon El turned up and Kara forgot she ever liked James. 

James had the gall to tell Lena he knew her better than her own best friend does! I mean What the actual f**k?!! Lena steps down when she is under suspicion, somethng James cant bring himself to do later when he is involved with he COL. 

James reveals himself as Guardian, no regard for how this will effect Lena in anyway as his boss and girlfriend. He has zero respect for her as his boss. She tells him to stay the hell away from the Children of Liberty and to do the interview with Ben Lockwood. He completely disregards her and goes off to meet with some random member of an Anti Alien Nazi group. he even told her that her opinion didnt matter. No, sorry James but yes it does! If i was Lena id have sacked his ass! 

Lena still saves his ass from going to prison for a long time, all the while he insists he can handle it on his own, how? I want to know how he thought he could do that? In fact he doesn't actually do anything to fix the issue. He then throws it in Lena’s face when she tells him not to go back out as Guardian because he will be arrested. Something he doesn't care about because he is so desperate to be relevant and involved. He throws the fact she worries to much and he sorted the DA problem out, forcing her to be like ‘For Gods sake! I did that you moron!’ (i know she didnt say this). He even has the gall to be pissed she saved his ass and he isnt in prison. She tells him she loves him and throws it in her face! 

He decided the Children of Liberty decided to be given a voice for some bizarre reason?! He actually thought that by listening to them he could get to know them and change the minds. What a pig headed and dumb thing to think! Good intentions or not that was incredibly nieve and stupid.

He nearly killed Kara by blowing her up, something that could have been avoided altogether if he had just listened to everyone around him and stopped being friends with COL. But no, he knew best?

Lately, he told Lena he supported her, but he clearly didn't since he looked awkward as hell when he was sat up in bed with her asleep beside him. She gave him opportunity to tell her how he felt but instead of talking to her, he placated her and went back to bed with her!

Last episode, he told Lena their relationship was basically over if she went ahead and took the government contact. Simply because he didn't agree he was willing to end them. It's not like she was about to so something evil! But she has to live up to his impossible standards. The poor girl can't win. I'd of ended it with him to. Again, James's opinion on these things aren't really relevant, he can disagree yes, he can have an opinion. But anything he says doesn't matter, he isn't part of the DEO, he isn't a member of the government. He isn't even Guardian anymore because he's not allowed to be. All he is is a CEO of a magazine. He doesn't get a say. This is very like when he gave up on Kara for a while when she suddenly had faults and she wasn't what he envisioned. Same as Lucy, she doesn't give him the power and eveything he wants and suddenly it's over.

James should have continued to be a photographer and stuck to that. He's at his best when taking pictures. He believes he deserves to be a hero, it's 'his calling'. No it isn't, do you think it would be his 'calling' if he wasnt associated with actual heroes? Of course not. All I see a jealous, immature guy who sees those around him being heroes and being relevant to the defence of the world and he feels the need to be part of it. He could have been a different type of hero with his camera. Once he got some authority he suddenly became even more arrogant and had a sense of self entitliment. He dated his boss and suddenly thought he didn't have to listen to her. He could act on his own accord. Not one thought to what Cat Co's CEO'S affiliation with an Anti Alien Terrorist Group would do his girlfriends reputation. Poor Lena who has gone out of her way to distance herself from anti alien sentiment, James used her company for his own self gain. Then he got pissed at her when she tried to protect him, all the while thinking of him, maybe she was thinking of protecting her company to. He doesn't think of her even once. He actually pushes her so far she had to pull rank on him. Something he still had the arrogance to ignore. It's all about James and what James wants.

James is a fool who thinks he should be a hero. He wants women to be exactly what he expects them to be. If they do things he doesn't approve of he suddenly loses interest .

James should either leave, go back to Metropolis or go back to being the photographer he should be.

FYI, James does have good qualities, but they doesn't outweigh his bad ones.

[sunflowervol6]

Di you have any Roswell NM theories? Also Max's constant puppy dog face makes me wanna cry!

hiii!!! ok so i know you sent this like 3-4 days ago and im honestly the Worst!!!! anyway, i dont really think too much or too deep about where any shows are heading (i usually just watch the ep and freak out about what happened and then i wait for the next one; i dont really think about what’ll happen next) so i apologize for the wait bc i really had to think about it lmao

also i would die for max evans????? i love him so much

• max clearly did not kill rosa (thats almost a given @ this point). his hurt face when liz accused him of doing so was so heartbreaking (i love my cowboy sm). he obviously knows something bc he was shook af when liz said rosa was killed by an alien and essentially asked “how did you know?” and he told her to “leave things in the past, there’s nothing we can do to change it” which implies he knows what happened. alsooo, he told his siblings that “liz cant ever know what happened” so all 3 of them are somehow implicated/know something about rosa’s death

• im going to say that theres a fourth alien in roswell that killed rosa. mr manes (whats his name??/ jesse??) said “at least one survived” and im going to assume he didnt mean any of the siblings because they’ve been really careful about hiding their secrets

• i think isobel erased liz’s memory and thats why liz left 10 years ago. michael says something to isobel like “if max is wrong [in terms of trusting liz], you have to get into her head and make her forget like you did 10 years ago.” also, she was super upset when she was talking to noah (who is a complete gem btw) and said that she thinks shes the reason why max has been so unhappy all these years — because she sent liz away and max really loved her. //// also, max says that he would’ve followed liz after high school but if she forgot about him, then that explains why he didnt. im also going to assume that max probably doesn’t know that isobel did something to liz’s mind ten years ago, but michael & isobel do.

• rosa knew about the aliens or just max in particular. i dont think she was high/drunk or whatever and thats why she told max to stay away from liz; i think she knew about him and thought he would be bad news for her sister. she hides the letter he wrote to her in the scavenger hunt - most likely to leave the clues to liz so she can find out herself

• michael did not kill rosa and those 2 other girls. he thinks he did but im thinking this is just some angst to add to the show. i dont think max would try to be with liz if his brother killed her sister (but thats just me), because he knows that somehow, someway, the truth will eventually be revealed and she wont be with him, no matter how much she loves him

• something happened to michael’s hand that caused permanent damage and im thinking its related to alex; something that happened a while ago. michael looks at the picture of the two of them (which was super cute btw) and looks down at his injured hand specifically in that moment. also, they showed michaels damaged hand and alex’s amputated leg in the same shot which has to mean something. im thinking maybe michael injured his hand in the car accident, maybe trying to save alex? rosa?

• @ max’s house in the scene w/ isobel, when he says hes going to tell liz, isobel says that michael would never forgive him??? why not?? im thinking MAYBE alex had something to do w/ the night of rosa’s death and isobel had to erase his memory too. i remember reading somewhere that carina said that alex had the greatest character development and the audition scene was a flashback one bc it was so important so maybe it has something to do w/ that????? 

•  maria’s intuition is real. that girl is literally psychic lmao. i think she may be getting off vibes about the siblings and while she may not know they’re aliens, she probably senses somethings off about them and rosa may have confided in her that she thinks they’re shady. maria calls isobel a “mean girl” so either isobel must have been using her powers like crazy when they were teens and everyone did whatever she wanted/isobel felt entitled bc she had powers and treated everyone like trash, or something specifically happened b/w the 3 girls that makes maria dislike her so much

• mama ortecho left town - probably because she was mixed up in something having to do with the aliens and they either drove her away or she was scared and left. i think they said that rosa and her mom both had mental illness so im thinking mama ortecho probably thought she was going crazy about the aliens and left to clear her mind, and then rosa’s plane ticket to los alamos was to go see her mom and find out more about her own mental illness/the aliens ?????? federico said that rosa was trying to stay clean the last few weeks so im thinking she was going to see her mom!!!

[heathen-whore]

Smut Prompt

I just reachd 700 followers and I hope you enjoyed the shitshow because the best is about to come. You know how this works, you send me the prompts I give you the fic. Let’s do this. 

Also I would like to thank @justforshitsandcackles for allowing me to use their list.

RULES

Send me maximum 3 prompts 

Choose a character: Alex Hogh Andersen, Ivar the Boneless, Marco Ilso, Hvitserk, Jordan Patrick Smith, Ubbe 

Be patient 

1.      “Don’t make me take you home and punish you.”

2.      “I’ve never wanted anyone to fuck me this badly.”

3.      “You’re not going out in that outfit.”

4.      “Don’t give me that look.”

5.      “You’re more than just a one night stand.”

6.      “Would you just shut up and kiss me already?”

7.      “You want me to give you your book/phone/item back? Make me.”

8.      “Like what you see?”

9.      “Try to stay quiet, understand?”

10.   “We’re in public, you know.”

11.   “I didn’t know you were so sensitive.”

12.   “Dont be so rough. there cant be any marks.”

13.   “I really don’t care. You still look hot and i’m trying not to kiss/fuck you senseless right now.”

14.   “Are you sure? Once we start, i might not be able to stop.”

15.   “No, i’m supposed to be making you feel good.”

16.   “Make me.”

17.   “Stop teasing me so much..”

18.   “You’re in trouble now.”

19.   “Take off your clothes.”

20.   “I’m waiting.”

21.   “First one to make a noise loses.”

22.   “Mine.”

23.   “We cant do that here!”

24.   “Behave.”

25.   “What did you just say?”

26.   “Come here.”

27.   “Watch me.”

28.   “I don’t want to hear your excuses anymore.”

29.   “If you cant sleep…then how about we have sex?”

30.   “Put that thing away!”

31.   “Don’t kink shame me.”

32.   “If you interrupt me one more time, so help me god.”

33.   “I’m going to put on some clothes before you say anything else.”

34.   “Tell me what you want.”

35.   “Bite me.”

36.   “Could he make you feel as good as i do?”

37.   “You’re n-not ,um, w-wearing anything under that, are you..?”

38.   “Are you trying to turn me on or are you really just that oblivious?”

39.   “You taste like fucking candy.”

40.   “The only way you’re getting off is on my thigh.”

41.   “You make a sound and its game over.”

42.   “Just let me finish this/this level and i swear ill go down on you until you cum at least three times.”

43.   “If i have to stop what i’m doing, you wont be able to walk for the next week.”

44.   “I could just pull your bikini bottoms to the side, no one will notice.”

45.   “I haven’t even touched you and you’re already this wet.”

46.   “Were you just masturbating?”

47.   “Want some help?”

48.   “Shut up.”

49.   “Why don’t you come over here and make me.”

50.   “You’re so fucking hot when you’re mad.”

51.   “We’re not just friends and you fucking know it.”

52.   “C’mere, you can sit on my lap until i’m done working.”

53.   “What? Does that feel good?”

54.   “I’m not jealous! its just…you’re mine!”

55.   “If we get caught i’m blaming you.”

56.   “We have to be quiet.”

57.   “Tell me again.”

58.   “You have no idea how much i want you.”

59.   “Say it.”

60.   “If you don’t like my teasing, then why are you moaning?”

61.   “Wow, i didn’t realize you were that…flexible.”

62.   “I’m gonna fuck you so hard that you forget you ever even met that asshole.”

63.   “You better shut that pretty little mouth before i put it to work, doll.”

64.   “I think thats the first time i’ve heard you moan…it was like a fucking melody.”

65.   “I really want to kiss you right now.”

66.   “Then do it.”

67.   “You’re not taking me to bed. ever.”

68.   “Who said it had to be on the bed?”

69.   “She may seem like lollipops and rainbows but i bet behind closed doors she’s latex and whips.”

70.   “Ah, he’s playing hard-to-get. thats cute.”

71.   “For the love of fuck.”

72.   “Yep, thats me. I love to fuck.”

73.   “How do i look?”

74.   “Would you reconsider if i was sober?”

75.   “I’m sure i can get some kind of sexual gratification just from staring at him if i try hard enough.”

76.   “Don’t fucking touch what is not yours.”

77.   “You don’t need to cover up the bruises/hickeys.”

78.   “I’m not sure if its a sexual thing or not.”

79.   “We’re…..just friends.”

80.   “Friends don’t do this kind of shit!”

81.   “How quickly can you cum?”

82.   “There’s people here.”

83.   “I know.”

84.   “I don’t care what you do just fuck me.”

85.   “Fuck you.”

86.   “I’m up for it if you are.”

87.   “Don’t ruin the sofa.”

88.   “Ill just have to cum inside you then.”

89.   “Stop dancing like that or i’m going to cum in my pants.”

90.   “I’m not going to touch you unless you beg.”

91.   “You cant tease me like that and expect not to be punished.”

92.   “I’m gonna strangle you.”

93.   “Is that a promise?”

94.   “You look a bit tied up, want me to come back later?”

95.   “Stop distracting me.”

96.   “Were you touching yourself?”

97.   “I know they’re just stuffed animals but doesn’t it feel weird? its like they’re watching us.”

98.   “That’s probably the fastest i’ve ever done that.”

99.   “Please, remind me again why we’re having sex behind a tree?”

100.          “I know for a fact that you can be a hell of a lot louder than that.”

101.          “We’ve been at it like rabbits, how are you still horny?!”

102.          “It was so worth the injury though!”

103.          “Saddle up doll.”

104.          “Did you just look me up and down and then bite your lip? ‘Cause if you did we’re having sex. Right now.”

105.          “Your ass is going to be seven different shades of red after that little stunt.”

106.          “God damnit, now all i can think about right now is you licking my cock like its that ice cream cone.”

107.          “If i have to pull over, you wont be able to walk for the next week.”

108.          “Do you think they can hear us through the tent?”

109.          “Yes we can.”

110.          “What are you doing in my bed?!”

[itsinmyfaq]

“dear diary” headassss 🤣

oh so glad this post gets my 57,400th post spot lmao he deserves it.

8.20.20 

okay, I get it. 

if ur a passerby pls exit this and dont pay attn to me lol you won't understand what's in my head, I just gotta let it out, as always.

I feel like I say that “I get it” every few months but I either have the worst memory ever or I just keep coming to new conclusions? LMAO. I've been sad bc I'm not over Tony and because A(redacted) doesn’t really live up to my expectations and desires honestly but I realized a something I think....

My realization started when T saw a tweet and asked me if I was sad and originally I told him I couldn't talk to him about it and he said if it’s about a guy, that I can. Which I feel weird about because... I’m not over him. But I realized that just because I’m not over our relationship doesn’t mean that he feels the same way, you know? He could be over it and I think I feel weird telling him things because I was thinking he WASN’T over it. But I have to realize that after so much back and forth of my emotions and actions, he could very well be over it, as he should be! And that was really interesting to realize.

Let’s dive deep into this so I can really process, maybe??

1. Me not being over him: He literally told me a few months ago after a convo we had about what I look for in a man that... well I cant exactly remember but basically if im looking for a man with Christian background and tendencies, that I probably should move on and start dating, I think that’s what he said because I think that was during the “I’m gonna start dating convo” so idk WHY I forget about the fact that we had an entire conversation about moving on. So I guess that I kinda have what I’ve been wanting as far as a friendship? The ISSUE HERE is that I still only really think about him. A(redacted) is... Im not sure if saying rebound or distraction is rude. I think I needed that one guy to try to get over T with but...... He doesn’t measure up as far as giving me attention and now I’m seeing that that’s an issue. So if it’s not one thing, it’s another. Your partner isn’t going to have 100% of the qualities that you want in someone or that you imagine them having. You cannot mold a person into your perfect vision of someone. I am not saying that I don’t have standards, because I do. But sometimes you have to just own up to your own shit too. I have to meet people where they are and work towards goal. In my head, though,  I did and I tried and it wasn’t processing. So I’m just confused as to why this is still an issue. I wonder if I should talk to someone professionally about it or if I should talk to T about it?? Probably not a good idea. Idk also I feel like he’s done with he BS ever since he turned 27 lmao like he’s #doneeezo.

2. Me thinking he wasn’t over the relationship: He deserves someone that doesn’t change their mind as much as me. I wish I could explain it. I wish I could show him that I really love and loved him and I wish he could be me and be in my head for a day to understand how conflicting it is. I was happy with T. We can literally talk 24/7. The feeling I feel like we both had so early on, I genuinely feel like I won’t feel that again. I know, maybe I am being dramatic. But it felt like a moooovviiee, like, starting a job and catching glances as your version of flirting and then building a slow sexual bond like it wasn't too fast but we got close quickly in terms of talking and chatting all day every day. It’s just... Hard to come by. 

Usually here I would say “anyways”.... But I really want to overcome this and stop being so emo about it. I think I’ll continue to come back to this post to edit and update....

8.24.20

so much going on en mi cabeza. 

one: im selfish as FUCK. to me sulking over us being over is... incredibly rude, if we’re being honest? it’s selfish to not let you go after I broke up with you, after I was on and off, after I didn't know what I wanted.

two: I can't stop thinking about “well what if I made the wrong decision” but also stuck between the fact that I need to trust myself and there were reasons for me breaking up with T. I just think maybe an honest conversation could have prevented it? maybe? I mean I dont know. I hope the new girl is the girl of his dreams :( actually I dont hope that fr like if im being honest, I wanted to continue to be his dream girl but that goes back to the first point, that im being selfish. how can I beg someone to love me but I cant decide on what I want for our future? abso-insane. but I do hope that one that I can be honest when I say “I hope he finds the girl of his dreams” but right now? right now im sad that it isn't me. its like you’re someones muse and then one day, you just aren't. its weird and its saddening.

three: im learning about myself at the same time. im learning so maybe trust my decisions or to not go back on them? maybe I should rely on my own judgment instead of questioning and then getting other people opinion’s involved?

four: the thing is,,,, (hey siri play Drink You Away by JT.) lmfao I feel like I cant distract myself. I dont drink a lot but if I do, I think about texting you but I know its not right. I haven't been smoking but when I do, I think about you because you didn't like it. I tried to date someone else and I still thought about you. I mean, what if I made the wrong decision about Alex, too? I think I just dont like hurting people’s feelings but hey, I didn't feel wanted or pursued fr so what's the harm in that? sorry I “gave up on you” but dont make me feel bad about it!

anyways, the whole point is that, Tony, I love and am in love with you. I wish I could apologize for not accepting you 100% how you were and for allowing it to go so long with it being that way. I should have accepted you. And the thing is, I thought I was but I also thought I could change somethings about you, or really I thought I would be the reason you would want to change. And that simply just isn’t how the earth rotates. im tired now, I cant think any more. ill be sad again tomorrow so im sure ill see ya soon, diary.

[allisonm22]

95 Thoughts I Had During the PLL Finale

 If its not already obvious, spoilers below.

1) What the hell is this scene? 2) I think this is a dream, why is there no one else around 3) Jennas on a horse, dream theory confirmed 4) Off to a weird start already 5) Hannah is too nice, Mona tried to kill you honey, let that friendship die 6) Caleb won’t say hi? Thats super fucking shady baby please don’t be A.D. 7) oh fuck is that Melissa?  8) JK its mona..wait why is she even wearing a mask?  9) If I were Aria, I’d be pissed as hell that Hannah brought Mona along, like kick her ass out? 10) Oh god Aria,stop crying, why cant you marry bae? Actually I dont even care. 11) Spencer that was a BOLD move...oh fuck that its for scrabble?! 12) How is Mona trying to act like she doesnt know who A is, didnt she see him/ her at Radley? Or are we supposed to just forget about that? 13) oooh no poor Aria sorry boo 14) Oh hey its mary drake 15) the spencer/ mary drake relationship annoys me to be honest 16) how did the cop not see them holding hands? 17) Ezra is fucking goals..except that time he was kind of A and writing a book about them behind their back. 18) Aria’s dad will forever creep me the fuck out  19) Alison and Em’s mom are being so obvious 20) Alison is deff gunna propose 21) Random thought I’ve had since 2010- Spencer’s mom (before that mary drake shit) looks like Olivia Benson 22) Why do they keep talking about Addison? Why are we supposed to care about her? Marlene don’t make her part of this I WILL FLIP. 23) The moms mentioned the basement! Are they going to tell us how they got out?!?! 24) Nope they are not 25) I’ve been hearing about their relationships since 2010, wrap it up and start talking about A.D.! 26) whyyyyy do they dress Alison so horribly? Like even her pajamas are horrendous 27) called that proposal 28) That ring is so pretty!!! 29)”How much damage can she do in one night” FORESHADOWING!!!!!!!!!! 30) any scene with a naked toby is a gift, I'm about it 31) Toby’s hair looks so soft 32) Who the fuck is playing the piano 33) ohhhh fuck its Mona, im not shocked though 34) Im getting vibes that someone is going to die 35) whaaaaaaat the fuckkkkkk is this place 36) whats happening 37) oh fuck how’d mary get out? I never know how to feel about her 38) DO NOT TELL ME SPENCER HAS A BRITISH TWIN 39) DO NOT TELL ME THAT 40) her british accent is horrendous 41) WREN! 42) Are they trying to pull a parent trap on PLL 43) omg all those times it wasnt spencer! 44) Hannah wasnt sleeping! YO TOBY FUCKED FAKE SPENCER TWICE!  45) I knew i got weird vibes from that airport scene! 46) but why would she do all this if she didnt even know Charlotte? 47) “Till death do us part”...SIG-NIF-I-CANT (sung like Jean-Ralphio from Parks and Rec) 48) Isn’t Wren a fucking psychologist?! there were soooooo many red flags buddy and you missed them ALL 49) oh fuck she killed him and put him in a necklace...casual 50) Remember when Marlene King lied and said they werent going to copy the books? 51) Well actually I take it back she didnt technically lie, she gave us not one but three sets of twins 52) going off track for a second, twins skip a generation so super unlikely that mary drake would have twins 53) also like why couldnt they mention Ali was having twins? im not understanding the twin obsession 54) Back on track...OH FUCK THEYRE WREN’S BABIES 55) Why cant mary help her? thats your daughter bitch! 56) yo Mary literaly sold Alex, I know she didnt have a choice really but thats fucked upppppp. 57) A.D.-Alex Drake....I literally just got that 58) Spencer I wouldve knocked mary out and RAN 59) why does she have bae/Ezra? like what is the point? 60) Rollins looks like Keanu Reeves 61) seriously why is Cece dressed like a fucking pimp 62) wait they just explained like five years worth of plot in five seconds and I can barely understand it because of THAT SHIT ACCENT! 63) honestly them explaining how  jenna/sara/sydney are involed so quickly shows how bad this ending really is 64) Toby is gunna figure it out with the horse doesnt like her!!! 65) Horses always know wtf is up 66) Jennas gunna sniff her out 67) Evil twin is such a big leap to make based off a person smelling weird 68) I feel like that whole squad accepted the evil twin theory too quickly like if someone came up to me and was like hey our best friend smells different I think shes being held hostage and the one walking around is actually her evil twin, I would be like ..............what 69) Mona’s a double agent! I think? another one im never sure about 70) Yay theyre out run babies run! 71) why the fuck would you split up have you people learned nothing 72) whaaaaaat, thats not real theyre not actually outside right? 73) I feel like I’m watching Lost honestly 74) Alex walking around with that axe though is my forever mood honestly 75) DONT YOU FUCKING DARE KILL EZRA 76) WAIT WHOSE WHO 77) OHHHH FUCK DONT SHOOT THE WRONG ONE! 78) He shouldve shot Alex fuck that she helped mary escape jail she could easily escape 79) Arias second wedding dress- SO much better 80) oh fuck you marlene king with your cameo shush yourself right off my screen 81) Mona sells dolls in france.....cool cool cool (not cool) 82) deff the creepiest thing ive ever seen in my life 83) oh wait just kidding now its the creepiest thing ive ever seen 84) so Mona’s just full blown psychotic, weve known that since season two thanks for the well written plot twist 85) Dont tell me Addisons about to go missing for a spin off 86) lol addison went missing for a spin off 87) nope sorry im out, i cant invest any more time into another marlene king shit show 88) lemme save you time babies, you better hope addison is dead, cause if not, youre in for a fucking roller coaster of a life 89) in conclusion, im SUPER PISSED jason didnt come back because i looooooved me some jason eye candy 90) I hate that this whole plot was orchestrated by an new character whose only motivation was that she was friends with cece. 91) why did everyone love cece?! she was so fucking shitty like the fuck? 92) I wanted it to be this intricate theory that theyve been planning for years, I really wanted it to be someone weve seen for the past seven years, someone in the background we wouldnt have even thought twice about, that wouldve had alot more shock value 93) also giving it to a new character takes away the opportunity to link A.D. back the original plot for the first five years. I hate how it was essentially two different stories, it makes me feel like the first five years were a waste. 94) Im just dissapointed because i REALLY wanted them to redeem themselves after the Cece/Charlie shit show and they had so many opportunities to make it great and they continued to drop the ball. I  like the characters and their personal storylines though, thats the thing ill miss, not the fake reveals and actual reveals that make no sense. Im all about their character growth and personally loved watching them grow on and off screen. Its just a shame the storyline couldnt do them justice. 95) Lets not let Marlene King write anymore shows, K? K.

[arvoze]

man, this was sent like, nearly 2 weeks ago or w/e, and i completely ignored it bc i didnt have the energy/ability to care (you literally sent these when it was between 1 - 2am my time) but, it was recently brought to my attn that you put both me + lal in your byf (because i.... banned you from a server i guess, and that means lals at fault too?) so.

i guess it’s high time i answer this lmao. maybe you wont even see this. maybe youll vague abt me for the next few weeks and try and make me out to be a bad person, but i dont care lol. anyways this is under a cut bc its pointless drama i guess. ask 2 tag

additionally: this isnt rly meant to act as a callout post. but since u asked on anon (and im pretty sure we’re mutually blocked) i cant really talk about this privately. this is mostly just.. well. answering your question. ive written this little paragraph after i’ve written everything below, so like, idk dude, it happens sometimes, i get rly heated abt shit and then cool down after a while. so this is wild.

edit: i havent read this thru nor do i care about reading it through. are there a bunch of typos? probably. dont care though

i dont rly have the energy to pull up Everything esp because that lke.... requires going thru so many discord messages adn i really just. dont care enough to sift through everything

“but if u dont care why are you writing this” shut up u wanted answers didnt u lol

nyways heres just . some shit lmao

man firstly let’s deal w your post abt my server

+ dont worry! ive got it archived in case u delete it bc who knows what ud do lol. nyways

lets just do some breakin apart on this:

i was lterally shaking at the time and having my OWN panic issues but i guess you dont rly take that into consideration lol?

this is one of the biggest exaggerations like ... you made it sound like the server was some big special place jdfghdkj theres literally 4 mods and 2 of them didnt even talk to you. the other 2 were me and lal

like half of the server isnt even fucken active on the server and the majority of the other half dont even care about unfollowing/blocking u. what a wild assumption. thts the funniest shit 2 me

please you literally sent me 3 asks when it was way too early in the morning 4 me expecting me to reply as if it was possible for me to give u all the reasons in like 10 minutes jesus christ

ths is one of the ugliest posts ive ever seen + this was posted before you were banned frm the server. several ppl in the server have bpd + i was absolutely not willing to have smeone who says this sht abt their illnesses around (re: the whole “not actively in therapy” and shit. fuck off lol)

here’s some other stuff on my list that you might remember:

(kin stuff) being fully aware that my brother wasn’t - and still isn’t - okay with doubles with a specific character, and that you were specifically warned whilst he was offline, and you knew this was the case, yet decided that your best way of explaining something was..... fuck dude, whats the wording you used? “i’d say but some people here aren’t ok with doubles” or some shit which is! literally just as bad! and tht shit has fucked my bro up so severely tht he still fuckn..... thinks abt + the shit uve said In General (shrugging emoji)

heres a fucken wild ride for u: ur the reason he left th server anyways and why the second i banned u i was immediately happy because holy shit i can talk to my bro again bc i could invite him back! to a chat where he doesnt have to deal w someone who causes him constant panic attacks! wowee

lets not forget me expressing my extreme distaste of lying [person] + r.idged.og + ridg.epho.s but u completely ignoring that shit (+ wowie remember when u said lying was yr friend and that you didnt like me venting negatively abt them bc my nasty experiences r somehow less important than ?? tht shit??? lol anyways)

god the entire fucking drama w the lying shit . i cant believe i was on yr side for a while jdfghkj. that whole fiasco was so shitty. nyways thts nothing to do w me its just something that made so many ppl uncomfy

remember when you left the lying chat and then vented to us about shit but then rejoined the lying chat unbeknownst to us + caused shit again (surprise, i know about that)

you, generally, made several people uncomfortable (myself included), and as the owner of the server, i’d much rather kick one person from the server than have several people being uncomfortable. but if that’s an unreasonable thing to do then please, inform me, because that’s news to me.

whilst i dont support alex or alex’s partner in any way, shape or form (before u try and call me a fucken apologist/supporter/whatever lol), the blatant deliberate misgendering of alex’s partner on your byf was extremely shitty of you (which has since been fixed, but yikes).

(kin stuff) pretending to not be a double around lal, knowing he’s not comfortable with doubles (which, maybe you’re not! but given you’re kin w mc.ree + got that in your byf, and don’t have anything abt not follwing if ur x.phos in ur byf...... boyo)

god theres more but im not willing to dig up all the shit + also dont want to ask other ppl about their personal problems bc thats exposing them to a past/experience they probably want to forget about/never revisit

if u found this? congratulations. you got your answers.

if ur gonna vague abt me? go ahead. i dont really see what ive done wrong lmao.

also, re: why i didn’t tell you anything at all,

i was having a panic attack and almost throwing up

i kept trying to find reasons to keep you in the server, because i didn’t want problems to arise

i will literally never talk to ppl abt this kinda shit privately bc i dont want people to feel bad but 2 late

[hereismylifeasliz]

2/27/17 3:40 pm

today is not the greatest- Im most likely failing a class whish ive never done in my enitre life! but its all going to be okay. Ill need to go to every office hours that ever existed and study very berry much and alex said he will help me which i would like but i feel guilty because i know he has a lot of stuff to do on his own and i dont want to add to the list of shit hes gotta do even more. plus im a little embarassed because i defintey dont know mroe than half of what i probably should and i dont want him to be disappointed. i think about stuff too much. ugh. i wanna go to dance all day every day because even if im not great at it, someone appreciates my hard work. but thats not how ther eal world works. I saw sam today and i havent seen him in a while so it was good. Hes like a big brother to me and i really cant imagine my life without him. I hope he finds really good and true love because if anyone deserves it, its him. I also realllyyy need to go to church i wanna sing really badly so i know i could probably just go on a drive or something but its not quite the same. I would also like alex to come with me to church but idk if hes into that and i mean i dont go all the time at all but i like to go every once in a while. I also need to make sure that i still remind myself to still value all the things i do even though im in love because sometimes i forget that theres other things that are important to me and that make me happy because alex makes me so happy. i love him so much, he so wonderful to me. but i also love dance and all my friends too