#he's worth so much outside of that
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I'm kinda scared that they're gonna try doing something romantically with Buck and Kameron. I just want Buck to be happy but this is not it.
#9-1-1#6x17#love is in the air#make Connor pull himself together for fcks sake#don't they have other friends than Buck?#Buck deserves someone that he doesn't have to save all the time#he's worth so much outside of that#give him a nice supportive girlfriend For ONCE#I'm happy if natalia is out of the picture though#I never liked her#but he keeps getting dumped and I don't like that#lou watches tvshows#911
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the more I play the more I think lucanis basically knows it's illario who betrayed him right from the beginning (he's had a year in the ossuary to think. not that many people knew where he was going. when you ask him 'did Illario know you'd be on that ship' his only answer is the hardest flattest 'yes' you ever heard). so it's not so much about figuring out who the traitor is (because that's ludicrous. we all know. immediately. they didn't really bother to hide it lmao) as about methodically closing off every single avenue of denial lucanis has clung to that whole time with as much or little gentleness as you might prefer until he has no choice but to admit it. because the moment he has to admit it, he'll have to do something -- feel something -- about it. and that's such a catastrophic event in lucanis' inner landscape (he has had TWO people in this whole entire world up until now and will do anything to hold on to them with a heartbreaking child-like desperation, even at and especially through the detriment of his own self) that he'd rather just. not. what if we quite simply. didn't. what if we just stayed here in the emptiness where we can both pretend you didn't hurt me in a way I should never forgive. I have so much practice in that with caterina already it's always worked out great for everyone so far. (press x to fucking doubt but that's trauma logic for you lol)
after everything illario did, so much of the storm of lucanis' emotions around it is 'what the FUCK did you get yourself tangled up in this time and how do I get you out of this mess safely'. what's worse: the fact that your brother murdered you, or that he put himself in horrible danger doing so and thus exposed you to the risk of losing him forever. lucanis' heart certainly has an opinion here and it's fucking unhinged (affectionate)
the themes of dissociation in lucanis' character in general makes me feel nuts. allllll these contradictory messy things he needs to cut off from each other because they can't coexist or be easily reconciled inside him. but all remain stubbornly true separately anyway and will have their due one day. love and resentment. tenderness and fear and rage. terror and longing. love and freedom don't coexist. the burned out golden child anthem is playing in the background. he was always caterina's favourite and he has to keep striving to deserve that dubious honour with every breath he takes and then, presumably, mercifully, some day he will die and be excused and can rest. and until now he's suppressed all the -- natural, healthy, protective! -- negative feelings that threaten the few attachment relationships he actually has, at the cost of ever actually having his needs for connection and safety met and leaving his core self imprisoned and compromised. and spite goes 'what. no. that's dumb fuck that' (*spite voice* I do not understand that and even if I did I would not respect it) and does not allow him to fall back into that, which I think is what saves his life, ultimately. it took being possessed by a demon for lucanis to even contemplate telling anyone he loves 'no' in any way, but hey. whatever gets you there right lol
lucanis is dealing with the freeze response allll the way down baby. and he was even before the ossuary, that just turbo powered it and brought it to a breaking point way before it could happen naturally. but something was going to break eventually no matter what, and I'm just glad that in the end, through the power of friendship and also pure spite, it doesn't have to be him
#I am worried about him all the time. but also: his found family of godslaying maniacs and also the power of love. there are reasons to hope#when there was only one set of footprints in the sand that was the veilguard party holding lucanis in their arms#and going 'excuse you he said no FUCKING pickles!!!' while he's like '🥺should you guys really be -- ' 'YES'#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age meta#there's some messiness to his arc but what mary kirby managed to capture here about how this works. is everything to me#he is so exactly for me. I'm sorry for all the people he turned out not to be for. but not for him being for me#the gift of looking at him and hearing 'you're more than what you're going through' and be forced to annoyedly go 'okay#MAYBE that could be also be true for me. maybe.' he's going through it. and also so much more and the funniest person in the world#he's so worth it to still have in the world!!!!#I'm so glad we don't get to 'fix' his relationship with his family and especially caterina actually#that is stuff that would need to happen on a time scale waaay outside of the one in this game#and there's Something very real in having to go 'this is not for me to decide for you. who you love and what you do about it is yours'
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He’s my baby you guys 😭
#two and a half hours#and he was worth every second#i literally love him so much#the outsiders#the outsiders 1983#johnny cade#art#the outsiders fanart
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i think a lot of people pretty openly acknowledge that leo is someone that self-aggrandizes and acts reckless in order to compensate for his insecurities, which is true and it's very clearly spelled out especially in the movie, but i don't really see people acknowledge the fact that donnie is the EXACT same way (outside of people who specifically like to write a lot of angst for him. leo is forever designated sadboy of the fandom). which is sad, because i think it's the most twin-like thing about them!!
it's a trait they share pretty openly. same flavor of daddy issues, although leo is always wanting to look down, to be the BEST at something, to be admired and respected and trusted, to be above other people, while donnie is always wanting to look up, the whole approval from a parental aged adult thing is the largest example but i also think about his desperation for CAMARADERIE in the purple jacket, and also like, lol the entirety of mind meld. he wants to be understood and acknowledged and praised and he practically begs for it with everything he does.
both of them desperately want to impress! but i kind of interpret it as leo trying to make a point to himself more than to other people, because he is so caught up in his own self-judgement. it's why he can act rude or try to step over the others (raph especially, although early on there is some mutual toxicity in that relationship) in order to prove that point.
but donnie has a lot more self-security because he knows what he does! he knows he's good at it, i don't think there's any denying that. but under real praise he gets starry-eyed or he softens. he makes a big point out of presenting new things because that's what he's looking for. and i think that makes him so averse to the potential of failure. it's why he'll shrug it off or outright deny it when its brought up to him. he sucks so bad at taking responsibility lmao.
i think mind meld in particular is a very telling episode, especially the beginning of it. he gets rash and upset when he feels like he's doing too much on his own. he feels ignored and disrespected for his efforts, and makes bad decisions as a result. and between that and donnie's gifts it's very very obvious he is projecting the fact that he equates his usefulness, his role, to his self-worth as a person. a lot of that crowing confidence is not real. he is MAJORLY overcompensating just like leo is. (and i would also like to point out the kind of things he makes shelldon RESPOND to in smart lair before he's reprogrammed, like leo's ribbing)
idk, i just feel like donnie wants to be seen and leo wants to be able to see himself, although there is some overlap there and the two problems can bleed into each other.
(and i do think a big point of leo's arc in the movie is for him to genuinely stop being selfish. his insecurity gets in the way and he's thinking about himself when he acts, and that's what hurts people. all of them have the potential to be self-centered, but leo's behavior was putting people in danger, and he had to look past all of that because he has ALWAYS been a strong and capable person and a good leader, but he was afraid of it because he was setting the goalpost for himself too high, and it was RAPH'S thing. it all felt too daunting. he's never going to feel ready if he only thinks about himself. at a point it's just not about him. as dubious as his sacrifice at the end was, that was the point. get him some therapy for that blunder though)
and i think it has a lot of potential to make them clash in a really interesting way. donnie's like,,, got his THING!! leo is not CONFIDENT in his thing!! and he can't ever be better than donnie at his particular thing, so he LEAPS onto any chance to get one over on him, which clashes very badly with donnie's issues of easily feeling dejected or unappreciated. he's going to take that personally, and then leo is going to take donnie's bad interpretation of that behavior personally, because like... why doesn't donnie trust him? :((
anyways they are majorly twinning they are both dramatic unconfident bitches with self-worth issues and they both get louder and meaner when they feel hurt about something. its why i keep accidentally writing angst of the other when i try to write angst of one. ahaha lol oops
sorry ive had this blog for only a few hours i just needed to get my thoughts down mostly for myself. for writing purposes
#rottmnt disaster twins#rottmnt donnie#rottmnt leo#personal#not tagging this is analysis because its mostly personal interpretation territory#donnie is a smug little shit and i love him for that but people DO really just fall for the persona..... shame#although leo got a whole movie that kicked the shit out of him so im not gonna blame people for being focused elsewhere#leo like “i am RIGHT i am TRUSTWORTHY i am DEPENDABLE please believe all of these things about me” (through gritted teeth)#and then he is put into a position where he has to actually be these things and he's like “NO NOT LIKE THAT I CANT DO THAT”#while donnie has locked himself into a position where he's felt needed and all he wants is a little APPRECIATION#please and thank you#and he gets angry and threatened when he fails or he feels like that could be taken from him#because what is he outside of his worth to the team?#leo wants to have a thing. donnie's thing is haunting him#just like raph omg brains and brawns duo moment......#(its why i referenced the raph trust fall thing so much in coming undone)#(+ the “why cant i do this?” due to fear of failure)#HOLY SHIT I AM YAPPING SO MUCH IM GONNA SHUT UP NOW#long post
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#vilma bánky#gary cooper#paul mcallister#ronald colman#the winning of barbara worth#1920s#filmgifs#filmedit#filmblr#movieblr#moviegifs#me myself and gifs#of all the characters that i've seen#willard holmes (at least as played by colman) is the only one who could - in my eyes - compete with bogart's marlowe#for the character with the most rizz#however since bogart's marlowe is much more aware of and transparent with it he remains in first place#colman's holmes has *so* much rizz but alas it's just a bit too subtle outside of his romance with barbara to truly win#obviously the effects of his rizz are visible on more than just barbara#but i would argue that it has more to do with abe lee being particularly weak (bro me too)#rather than with any real effort on holmes's part#but more on that later
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I was rewatching The Stone Forest and I really like to think that Hilda had to pass by the Bell Keeper’s outpost on her way out of the city limits. I like to think that idiot looked at what was happening, shrugged, and said ‘eh, she’s the scariest thing out there’
#“‘the scariest thing out there’?”the girl sends him a look that isn't quite a glare for once; it still conveys her opinion just as clearly#Edmund shrugs. Hilda is still within sight of his binoculars. he watches her run and can’t be sure whether she’s running *towards* or *from#*.He doesn’t think she knows either.#'I mean. it’s not like trolls can harm her at this time of the day.#Don’t tell me you believe in fairies kid.'#And there it is at last: the glare. Meiri looks up from her art project - her new therapist had reccomended it as a way to express herself#and since he'd been helping so much so far she'd decided to grudgingly give it a shot -#“*No*” she states pointedly; to anyone who knew her it was an affirmation. And Edmund knew her better than she cared for#'What I believe in is wolves and recluse spiders and ticks and nettle. And I believe that someone with the spine#to sabotage the Patrol wouldn't have the self control to not lick a pretty mushroom'#“Hey!” Edmund protested putting down his binoculars. “I sabotaged the Patrol! For *you* I might add!”#Meiri's smile turned mean; it was a regular expression for her yet it never conveyed any malice. Just the thrill of a game that never tired#her. “And would you?” she lifted one thick eyebrow; signaling to her dad that it was his move now#The dad in question was unfortunately thinking back to a time in his young teenage years when he figured he could eat anything animals bit#and gave himself a poisoning that had him taken to the ER. But she didn't need to know that. *ever* in fact.#“Obviously I would. Like I'd let a mushroom ruin my perfect sandwich diet”#Meiri groaned loudly. Some games were worth playing. But some wars she'd already accepted she'd never win#“Anyway” he turned back to staring at the outside of the wall as if it was of any interest to him (it wasn't)#“kid'll be fine is my point. And even if she isn't ya know what's the best think about this situation?”#They looked at each other with matching smirks. “none of our flipping business” he said at the same time as she echoed#“None of our fucking business”#He gasped immediatelly. “*Meiri!*”#The chastening was useless. She just shrugged innocently.#He'd really have to limit her library visits#the bell keeper hilda#meirdom#hilda the series#hilda netflix
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Failed a social interaction 0 injured 1 killed (me)
#Today has been so long 😭😭😭 I've been out the whole day studying and when I came back I spent more than one hour to cook my probably gone–#bad chicken (and rice and spinach) and then I couldn't even eat it because it was my turn to clean the kitchen at the dorm (which is the–#third following day I'm doing) (worth mentioning I'm running on 5 hours of sleep)#And I was goofing around with my friends but while doing so I. made fun of the landlord. And then one friend told me “hey girl he's right–#outside” and like 😭😭😭😭😭😭 I hope I die painfully. I need to be back next year and he already makes my life hard enough and hhhhhhhhhhh#I wasn't even like. Serious. It was just to joke around with my friends I don't have anything against him (except for the things I do)#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#And now I feel so embarrassed I have no appetite at all + the chicken (which I had to bring home through one hour walk in summer which–#probably wasn't good for it. And then froze one day past the expiration day) (I really need to get better eating habits) I had been–#preparing despite taking one hour to cook it I got the firing wrong and now it's all hard and honestly not very good and like 😭😭😭#Look at what you did to the (frankly already diseased) chicken#I feel so betrayed by everything 😭😭😭 Can life get a little easier#I'm mostly kidding I'm doing okay. I just need to rant because I CAN'T GET OVER THE LANDLORD THING MAN HOW DO I FORGET ABOUT IT.#This kind of things always haunts me for at least three days so 😭😭😭#I'm dead tired but I really wanted to answer asks today so. Probably doing so between today and tomorrow#Rant over sending lots of l love 💞💞#random rambles#In my defense it's not my fault I'm too poor to throw the chicken away 😪😪 I haven't eaten since forever#It's also not my fault I can't afford a new non sticking pan so I have to stick (ah) to the probably toxic one#It is very much my fault for messing up the chicken cooking temperature tho lol
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For me, I'm one of the ones who knows some of the things that shouldn't be done (don't mention his appearance, don't make references to stardom, washed up celebrities, religious imagery, puppets, loss, fortune, loss of fortune) and I still slip up.
My running theory is that I'm not used to seeing an askbox that isn't just a race to see who can get the largest emotional reaction (and the cool dramatic art that comes with it). There isn't a lot of experience to draw off of that isn't going to extremes.
Ahhgh,, yeah, i think thats whats happening for /everyone/,, me included... I kinda have to hold back on doing those all the time even though theyre so fun... womp.. You CAN mention some of those things, though!! Puppets/his appearance obv not, losing everything..also /maybe/ not.. but i think depending on what is said/how its said the others may work n be interesting. (except for a whole lot of religious imagery,,* ill add stuff in my tags i dont want this part to be long lol) I think also its just a different way of using the askbox compared to regular which also throws everyone off.
#*two reasons#One: i think it would be neat if his perception and understanding of god/religion is derived from the media addisons consume to better adve#advertise.. in his case.. scam people. iirc religion is one of the things used in email scams to get to people and make them feel#like they are obligated too otherwise they are sinful#And i feel a lot of their understanding isnt TRUE because its from an outside perspective#they dont have the same goals and the same way of living#theyre programs#programmed (primarily) to do their purpose and do it successfully#i dont know how deep things like that for them go#They see praying to god = prayer comes true or some other variation#from tv n shit a lot im sure#Which would mean praying to god gets you things or smth#not really fleshed out#which brings me to two:#im not religous and i never have been so i dont really understand a whole lot and i dont think i ever will because of it so i cant go far#with that very much. just. hollow things.#ALSO ALSO if i figure out how to write it im sure he'd blab about how great he was#you can say stuff ab his bs era cause im sure he glorifies it in his head far more than its worth because of where hes at
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your sokka is SO sokka and i say this as someone who holds him so dear ur writing of him is amazing. tbh im sooo fussy with his portrayal but its pretty nailed. like so many fics (esp zukka and zuko centric and ESPECIALLY ones where hakoda like adopts zuko) he's constantly pushed to the side in favour of zukos issues and zukos problems when in reality sokka is very hurt himself and has suffered a lot. man i GET taob sokka i really do bc people seem to think he was a lil mean but nobody seems to realise when you're in sokkas position it would've read like everyone was against you. all the swt men, including his dad who snapped at him, and even katara and aang and suki tell him to give zuko a chance and the fact that they were trusting someone who had hurt all of them so much- because yes WE know zuko wouldn't have killed them, but the gaang didn't. not when they were being chased and terrorised, and when sokka had his trust betrayed in the prison, he had absolutely every right to hate zuko, esp when it felt like everyone who he thought would understand his feelings, including his own dad who had been hiding his relationship with zuko from him, seems against him. his conversation with hakoda was probably my favourite scene in taob just bc he was allowed to feel like that without being treated by the narrative as someone just being mean to poor little zuko. he gets to be a sourpuss and angry and jealous at zuko for feeling like hed been replaced by his own dad. all of the water tribe men get this treatment like they're not written as bad people for being wary or disliking zuko initially (even chena despite being enemy no.1 at the start). his convo with hakoda was so important bc it stressed the detail that yes zuko has suffered and deserves to be cared for but SOKKA is his son, his actual child who is so hard on himself for things out of his control and who has hurt so much and deserves just as much as zuko does. sokka is just a baby my boy. he's not the main character but he's just as complex and intricate as zuko, not just in taob but also for the times we have seen him in tams there's been keen detail to his emotion and how he's feeling pointed out
me rn
#BESTIEEEEEEEEE YOU GET IT <333#like ik the atla fandom including unfortunately some taob locals are generally AWFUL with sokka when zuko is involved#but it really was only a handful of taob readers esp in the grand scheme and i do want to clarify that#but now we're on the same page. OH MY GOD WHEN I SAY I WANTED TO PHYSICALLY FIGHT SOME PEOPLE#JUST THE SHAMELESS FAVOURITISM??? THE EXPECTATION THAT I TREAT A CHARACTER AS SOMETHING NOT-HUMAN BC THEY HAPPEN TO BE MEAN TO THEIR FAVE??#like idc if zuko means a lot to you!! idc if it's sad seeing people be mean to him bc you relate to him so much!!#id be a terrible writer if i treated the other characters as planets in zuko's orbit. THEY dont know they're in his story#and sokka is a fucking sixteen year old. like come on i get mad when people do the same with chena being a dick to zuko#but at least he's a grown man. sokka is a TEENAGER. even if he was being irrational that would be completely fair#bc teenagers ARE FAMOUSLOY IRRATIONAL!?!?!?! GO OUTSIDE??!?!?!!?#anyway. im so normal about this topic and hold noooo grudges not any haha#remembering when someone commeted saying me personally as a real life person i was insidious and evil for insinuating#that adopted children arent worth as much as biological children and i should NEVER adopt bc im clearly the Worst#when that is not only an insane thing to say to a stranger on the internet but also. not what happened#hakoda never adopted zuko. that's a joke made in fandom. jokes are when people say untrue things for comedic affect#adoption is an actual official process of willingly and actively bringing a child into your family#NOT taking some teenage symbol of your culture's oppression as a prisoner and unwillingly growing attached#and now he's someone you're fond of and feel protective over as is natural of an adult towards a hurting child#but your actual son feels replaced and it's especially cutting bc of aforementioned symbol of your culture's oppression#and also this specific kid was a dick to him. like as a pretty notable part of his character he was a dick to him#so you reassure him bc that is your actual real life son. yeah?#are we on the same page? are we good? please i dont know how much more i can take-#taob asks#ask
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As our resident Eiffel expert, what do you think his childhood was like? As in, do you think there might be some trauma there? (Probably nothing “major”— nothing he’d think of as trauma— but I feel like it probably wasn’t entirely healthy either. Or maybe that’s just projection due to knowing someone veeery similar to Eiffel)
oh! i wrote about some of that in this post.
that line from his backstory doc - "eiffel was extremely hesitant at first, but desperate to become independent from his family and strapped for cash, he finally relented." - and what gabriel urbina said about eiffel being an unsupervised "tv is my parent" kid really defines / reinforces my perception of his childhood. like, mostly i think eiffel's parents just... weren't around. i think he was an only child, and hasn't been in contact with his family for, like, his whole adult life. he's resentful about people always forgetting his birthday in a way that makes sense if he's been holding onto that hurt since childhood. he's so used to being alone - not even being present in his own life - and he's internalized the feeling that he doesn't matter much to anyone. i think it was @books-space-things who said something to me, like, eiffel is so used to being alone, he doesn't realize how lonely he is.
most of his relevant backstory stuff with canon basis is covered in that linked post, so, on the headcanon side of things... he's got that undiagnosed / unmedicated adhd; i'm sure as a kid he was constantly getting the message, like, "i know you can do this, why don't you try harder?" and he didn't know why it was hard for him, so he thought he must just be lazy. i think he really wanted a dog, and either 1) really got his hopes up, but never got one, or 2) had a dog, but came home from school one day to find out his parents gave it away. if his parents were still together, they probably shouldn't have been. needless to say, i don't think he had a happy childhood, but i don't know if he fully recognizes the ways it was unhappy, because more than anything it was just kind of... empty? because his parents' lack of attention meant he got to like, stay up and watch movies all night on a school night, and eat junk food, and go wherever he wanted by himself, whenever he wanted... when he's talking about his childhood, sometimes he mistakes that for freedom. and that kinda ties into his pop culture escapism. but, like, he's probably got a core childhood memory of waiting for one of his parents to take him to / pick him up from something they completely forgot about. pretty much his whole life, i think eiffel's been training himself to expect disappointment.
#wolf 359#w359#doug eiffel#asks#basically. yeah i agree. i don't think he had a good childhood but i think it was mostly defined by absence.#and that's probably one of the reasons he got into such a toxic relationship as an adult. he's starved for emotional intensity#like no matter how much he tries not to care. he really really cares. eiffel is a guy with a Lot of feelings and not a lot of good outlets.#... and however it turned out. he really did want to be there for anne. he wanted to be a better parent for her.#i also think he entered the workforce young and constantly went through that cycle of like#working is the only way to pay for things i want. nevermind nothing is worth doing this job for even one more day. i'm out#that continued into adulthood but with more serious consequences.#anyway. thank you for asking. he makes me so sad.#sorry i haven't been posting much outside of answering asks lately. but. it's my birthday today. can you guys send me things about eiffel.
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david levithan
#like minds#murderous intent#like minds 2006#nigel colbie#alex forbes#nigel colbie x alex forbes#having a normal one 🤡 idk just something small#i mean as much as i love clowning on the fact that 0.2 seconds after nigel took alex to the room#the most insane batshit stuff ever just came pouring from his mouth. 10/10 on the flirt game#it is kind of sad when you consider the idea that nigel sees himself as having no inherent worth outside of being something to be used#i mean he describes himself as the pike in the dynamic; the implement for killing#the weapon; the tool to be used#the idea that his only purpose is to serve as an instrument for someone else to achieve their destiny ?#and that night in the trainyard where he decides the best thing he can do is die so that jack can be born?????#are you listening greg ??? because this is exactly why it would've been better for the movie to affirm nigel as alex's maraclea#take notes greg okay#because if nigel positions himself in the role of maraclea?? then it all falls into place and now you've got this guy who thinks#that the best thing he can do. that the ONLY thing he can do. the reason he was put there in the first place#is to die and help alex become everything he was born to be#i stand by what i said on the earlier post that the night at the train yard was their consummation ..that the birth 9 months later was jack#beyond telling greg he can pry this idea from my cold hands#if he wants me to admit i'm wrong he can fight me for it in the car park of an aldi#sorry to anyone who followed me after the cannibalism web weave but this is a like minds blog first and foremost
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'Normally, a strange, disguised, illithid wouldn't be his first choice of people to trust in any other situtation, in this situation the last choice. However, he has held off the worst case scenario once already, which Ilztaun figured was worth not distrusting him just yet. He owed him that little, surely? Or simply this was a more interesting path to that inevitable worse case, a line of thinking better kept to himself than used as a justification to the others.
#fic snippets#that never would have made it#screenshots#.....as I realized I've posted so many...so many...#but usually a specific exchange#and not since solidifying the shifted tav design#nor just for pure aesthetic#alas the 2nd is way more shot reverse shot or I'd combined both here#instead just post dream 1 reasoning which is the way more 'FUCK IT WHY NOT' of the two#....dream 2 is the 'this is my friend and ally whom I'd protect at least as much as I would everyone else outside of the prism.'#oc: ilztaun#you strange strange man who I'd hate to write from someone else's POV due to the levels of masking and code switching he does.#Emps is the person he's /most/ open with directly....mainly since it's not worth lying to someone who can go into his head that easily#before even going near the real reasons....
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#personal#it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog#or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on#that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares#to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems#but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago#and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that#thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna#which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be#the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat#im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better#ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything#my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill#i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone#when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite#i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about#is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for#hours. a whole days worth of hours almost#my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room#in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now#all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help#the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again#lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time#like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of#would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles#24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave#or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people#but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able#to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave#anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time
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What I'd really love to see is a svsss au where shen yuan had the immense powers from saiki k.
Like, svsss is already a romcom of a guy shunted into a fantasy world with meta knowledge and immense power for no reason apart from 'make a happy ending' as a fairly thick veneer over an absolute hot mess of a tragedy with a happy ending, red flags galore, complete with a protagonist completely removed from the concept of romance and resigned to his fate of being abandoned by the people around him because of the circumstances he was 'born' into, but he's funny about it.
The disastrous life of saiki k is a fast paced crack comedy about a guy granted immense power for no reason with meta knowledge of the world as a thick veneer over something a little darker and traumatic with a happy ending, complete with a protagonist completely removed from the concept of romance and resigned to being ignored by the people around him because of the circumstances he was born into, but he's hilarious about it.
Now I don't think it should be a 1-1 transplant of saiki to the svsss world, but to imagine an sy with those powers who didn't manage to find loyal friends, who moved out to live alone as soon as possible to avoid issues with his powers, who gravitated to web novels because of their regular updates as opposed to being constantly spoiled for books with finished endings. An sy who despite his ridiculous levels of power died alone in a stupid way and woke up in a world filled with people who also had immense and varied powers, dealing with the prospect of immortality when his own powers are still constantly growing and interfering with his life, but be silly about it.
I want to see a sy with telepathy still failing to understand what lbhs deal is because of his own denial, a sy with the power to crush mountains with a finger trying not to blow down walls with a sneeze because someone put him on a mountain FILLED with plants in SPRING, an sy who deleted an entire country from the planet aged four trying to dodge overly enthusiastic maidens he keeps saving because he doesn't want to steal from the protagonist and also no, lady, please. Shen yuan sitting in the water prison absolutely deadpan as people try and scare him with 10 iq stories about the acid waterfalls. An sy who hares around the peak trying to avoid being spotted on valentines day as he redirects unwanted admirers and improves his disciples dates just so they can all have a good day.
An sqh who really, honestly truly doesn't know how pidw was made real, honest!! All he could do was see ghosts! It's not his fault the story he wrote to make rent turned into all of this!! But because you're here can you pretty please make some ice, I'm in desperate need of air con and my king hasn't showed up in weeks!
Sqq and sqh playing telepathic chess during boring meetings and sqq leaving him to suffer when sqh is asked a question even though he himself knows the answer.
Lbh trying everything to get shizuns attention and discovering his total weakness to his cooking. Like, will let you cheat in class levels of bribery.
Sqq stalking dourly through fields of aphrodisiac plant because he's raised his body temperature high enough to burn out any pollen before it gets too close and the system just despairing at getting this man to do something interesting.
Cat!sqq transforming back as fast as he can because he's got a meeting in half an hour and having to rush around trying to find something to cover the cat ears he didn't manage get rid of.
Shen qingqiu pulling out his limiters and dropping the mask to reveal a deity in the shape of a man, something crafted purely of psychic energy and burning fury, determined to hold maigu ridge together and keep the realms apart with his will alone, to save luo binghe if it killed him again. A shining aura stretching miles, glowing like a star, halting the earthquake with his bare hands.
Sqq seeing a bug and freaking out so hard he teleports to the northern demon realm and lands in a slushy pond, and sqh nearly giving him away because of how hard he's laughing.
#Like honestly the parallels are great#Long post#Sqq leaning hard into the aloof elegant scholar vibes because he still struggles to control his strength even with the limiters#He doesn't want to hurt anyone.#Sqh: please please tell me what my king is thinking right now he's been glaring at me all day!#Sqq (having been forced to hear an endless carnal monologue for hours from him): oh no not a chance. No way are you getting me involved.#Sqq: whatever insane thing you two have going on go ahead. Just don't involve anyone else in that EVER.#Sqh: bro 😭?!#Sqq: *makes a peace sign and goes invisible*#Sqh: BRO?!! Not even... Expensive northern import for the protagonist to cook with?#Sqq: *reappears with a pop* go on...#Sqh is salty he didn't get the godlike powers when he created the world they're in. Sqq tells him it isn't worth it#Being forced to see the past of an object with just a touch when you live in 5 million words of bad smut?? NO THANK YOU.#But both being espers AND from the same world they're still buddies (much to sqqs dismay).#Sqh is just barely outside sqqs telepathy range on an ding and lives in fear of him sensing him writing and catapulting himself#through the window at mach ten to beat him up.#Sqq every time he has to sit through a meeting with some corrupt official: thought crimes aren't real thought crimes don't count#Sqh: so how are you this bad at feelings. My guy you are an empath.#Sqq: shut up.#Lbh would definitely catch sqq doing something impossible or op and be so head over heels. He's like his father that way.#svsss#svsss au#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#scum villain's self saving system#scum villian self saving system#sqq#shang qinghua#sqh#svsss shen qingqiu
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I think that Johnnyboy’s potential to complicated and messy is criminally untapped in fanon. Ponyboy ‘fucking sucks at feelings, both his own and of others, and can be a bitch’ Curtis and Johnny ‘imperfect victim with shit self-esteem’ Cade would definitely have their ups and downs
#which is normal!!!#and i think they’d be able to get through rough patches#but they definitely do have their bad and difficult moments#ponyboy gets better at feelings as the book goes on but progress isn’t linear and we see that he reverts back#and johnny doesn’t really stand up for himself with pony#or most people in general#and while pony would definitely realise his mistake and apologize#it would be an issue#they’re both also not super good at comforting the other#the other appreciates the effort but they don’t often feel better#(johnny remarking he prefers when his father hits him when darry hurt pony#and pony teling johnny not to kill himself)#i can see them getting better at it and learning to understand each other more later on but it’s something they’d struggle with#also one of the biggest points of conflict would be the fact pony’s someone pure and gold and destined to leave behind tulsa#while johnny sees himself so lacking and without worth in comparison#also johnny genuinely does see pony as a kid#that’s his bestie and they’re equals but johnny knows pony is immature and doesn’t know much about the world outside his bubble#pony is very much 14 while johnny’s been forced to grow up from a young age#the outsiders#johnny cade#se hinton#ponyboy curtis#johnnyboy
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Jaya time
I love these moments of nearly cosmic horror when they encounter inexplicable things (at first) they are so intriguing
Is strawhat here?! *Megan thee stallion saying AAH 😜*
This cover just goes hard... Get it chopper
#usopp and luffy wanting to go to skypiea and nami only gets it going when luffy says she won't do it cause she can't... now it's personal#robin getting nami an eternal pose..... yeah exactly#luffy eating takoyaki immediately after he finds an octopus... sanjis speed is no joke#THE FUCKING GUY SHOOTING THE SEAGULL IS THE ONE IN BLACKBEARDS CREW!!!! DAMN#dying swiftly or not is result of your actions??? i guess man whatever#FUCKING BURGESS TOO!!! and the fucking transing your gender virus maker.... here luffy doesnt explode!!!#teach and luffy having complete opposite opinions on everything.... having bad vibes immediately.... incredible its like luffy knew#luffy doesnt fight bellamy bc he isnt worth the fight sinply bc they have different ideals... yeah.. also emerald city when#the pirates that do it for the money and the pirates that do it for their dreams... which is weird bc luffys foil (?) is blackbeard#also a d also a pirate with dreams (the same one even?) but they go about it in two different ways still.... compelling#why dies luffy think about shanks and ace when he hears teach outside the bar i an going insane... why does luffy just stare at him#WHAT ARE YOU THINKING LUFFY!! DOES HE SEE HIM AND SEE COMPETITION??? THATS WHY SHANKS AND ACE TELLING HIM TO BE A GOOD PIRATE??#how do they know about the them. why do they not tell anyone. to this day they havent said A WORD#noland was also from 400 years ago.... we got joyboy noland and toki#also are the next cover stories about ace.... please......... i need to see him#el señor de la noche moment (luffy fighting bellamy) draws near... i am so excited#i love ace being a hobo and just jumping on whatever boat he can find to eat and sleep and nobody refuses bc he's with whitebeard ajdjajkqw#ALSO I MISSED YOU KING!!!! COME BACK TO MEEEE#gorusei kuma and doffy first appearance omg... hello everyone#'if we let redhair act more than its sufficient it could be problematic' does this mean they can control him? shanks sus evidence n.1#'redhair is not one to change the world on his own' is he waiting for luffy??? is that it?? is shanks rogers successor to aid joyboy???#he told something to shanks before dying about laughtale and left that work for him so thats why he went after the one piece right after#joyboy manifested in luffy. thats why he refused so outright to buggy when he proposed to sail together to find it... maybe shanks not evil#lafitte was a cop and is the one to propose blackbeard as shichibukai? for some reason even if he hasnt done anything yet ✍️#whitebeard appearance... loving this in between arc issues even if they are not in between arcs... in between islands arc i guess#see??? why does benn beckman care about what the gov thinks... why would they give af and why would they even think about it#fucking blackbeard was after luffy..... but he 'settled' for ace i am going to be sick#blackbeard should have died when the knock up stream destroyed his ship what happened there....#also i didnt notice cricket smoking so much and trembling akdhsksjk he is hoping he didnt send luffy to die#reading one piece
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