#HOLY SHIT I AM YAPPING SO MUCH IM GONNA SHUT UP NOW

[qoldenskies]

i think a lot of people pretty openly acknowledge that leo is someone that self-aggrandizes and acts reckless in order to compensate for his insecurities, which is true and it's very clearly spelled out especially in the movie, but i don't really see people acknowledge the fact that donnie is the EXACT same way (outside of people who specifically like to write a lot of angst for him. leo is forever designated sadboy of the fandom). which is sad, because i think it's the most twin-like thing about them!!

it's a trait they share pretty openly. same flavor of daddy issues, although leo is always wanting to look down, to be the BEST at something, to be admired and respected and trusted, to be above other people, while donnie is always wanting to look up, the whole approval from a parental aged adult thing is the largest example but i also think about his desperation for CAMARADERIE in the purple jacket, and also like, lol the entirety of mind meld. he wants to be understood and acknowledged and praised and he practically begs for it with everything he does.

both of them desperately want to impress! but i kind of interpret it as leo trying to make a point to himself more than to other people, because he is so caught up in his own self-judgement. it's why he can act rude or try to step over the others (raph especially, although early on there is some mutual toxicity in that relationship) in order to prove that point.

but donnie has a lot more self-security because he knows what he does! he knows he's good at it, i don't think there's any denying that. but under real praise he gets starry-eyed or he softens. he makes a big point out of presenting new things because that's what he's looking for. and i think that makes him so averse to the potential of failure. it's why he'll shrug it off or outright deny it when its brought up to him. he sucks so bad at taking responsibility lmao.

i think mind meld in particular is a very telling episode, especially the beginning of it. he gets rash and upset when he feels like he's doing too much on his own. he feels ignored and disrespected for his efforts, and makes bad decisions as a result. and between that and donnie's gifts it's very very obvious he is projecting the fact that he equates his usefulness, his role, to his self-worth as a person. a lot of that crowing confidence is not real. he is MAJORLY overcompensating just like leo is. (and i would also like to point out the kind of things he makes shelldon RESPOND to in smart lair before he's reprogrammed, like leo's ribbing)

idk, i just feel like donnie wants to be seen and leo wants to be able to see himself, although there is some overlap there and the two problems can bleed into each other.

(and i do think a big point of leo's arc in the movie is for him to genuinely stop being selfish. his insecurity gets in the way and he's thinking about himself when he acts, and that's what hurts people. all of them have the potential to be self-centered, but leo's behavior was putting people in danger, and he had to look past all of that because he has ALWAYS been a strong and capable person and a good leader, but he was afraid of it because he was setting the goalpost for himself too high, and it was RAPH'S thing. it all felt too daunting. he's never going to feel ready if he only thinks about himself. at a point it's just not about him. as dubious as his sacrifice at the end was, that was the point. get him some therapy for that blunder though)

and i think it has a lot of potential to make them clash in a really interesting way. donnie's like,,, got his THING!! leo is not CONFIDENT in his thing!! and he can't ever be better than donnie at his particular thing, so he LEAPS onto any chance to get one over on him, which clashes very badly with donnie's issues of easily feeling dejected or unappreciated. he's going to take that personally, and then leo is going to take donnie's bad interpretation of that behavior personally, because like... why doesn't donnie trust him? :((

anyways they are majorly twinning they are both dramatic unconfident bitches with self-worth issues and they both get louder and meaner when they feel hurt about something. its why i keep accidentally writing angst of the other when i try to write angst of one. ahaha lol oops

sorry ive had this blog for only a few hours i just needed to get my thoughts down mostly for myself. for writing purposes

[sosoribro]

the problem with me is that yes my brain works very hard but no that doesn't mean im smart but unfortunately all my friends have some good useful and logical and (for want of a better word) normal smartness and shut up i know you're reading this dont try to argue with me you know im right you know you have a fucking badass brain okay okay

and they could be like, "hey wanna know word lore. its exactly what it sounds like." and like that shit is awesome im just saying like i wanna know about the sounds my mouth is making that we call words give me your knowledge o great abnormal one

or "hey cool bug its actually a schlorpus glorpus morpus borpus but more commonly called a little guy like how youve referred to it here i like this bug very much do you wanna hear about rocks now" and like yeah of course tell me about all the rocks and all the bugs give me your knowledge o great strange one

or "hey wanna print a brain" or "hey wanna hear about dingusology" or something etc and then you know the drill by now "hey speaking of drills did you know tjsyjfuwjfjeucrjhdhfhwufjeh" and its like wow great amazing i actually didnt know that give me your knowledge o great weird one

but i reckon if i got all my friends into a circle and its the circle where you reveal interesting cool facts and show off how huge and smart your brain is make sure you are very impressive and say lots of cool words circle

it would land on me and i'd be like

"ok so hold on let me get my phone out real quick ok this is billy mcmarbles alright i made him the fuck up" and then start yapping about how billy mcmarbles can turn into a dragon or some shit and all his friends are wizards or something and how the princess secretly really wants to make out with him and also billy mcmarbles is scared that his wizard friends find him weird cuz he has scary dragon powers and the village is scared of him cuz of his dragon-ness but in the end of the story he learns that just because hes a weird dragon boy doesnt mean hes any less deserving of kindess and he learns the value of believing in himself also he marries the princess

and then its the next person's turn and they start talking about space and im thinking "damn why didnt i talk about space i like space too but god they are so much better at liking it than i am wait that sounds so fucking stupid oh my god im an idiot holy fuck nobody fucking cares about billy mcmarbles im not smart i only created an entire world in my brain with a whole storyline and everything but thats not smart thats just storytime but you know where i can talk about my problem now? tumblr dot com that sounds great lets go there"

what was i saying again oh yeah my friends are all so cool and smart hi i love you and your iq of like 800 can you give me some pls i have like 5 braincells and all they wanna do is sit down and have storytime what are they doing oh my god we are cooked hi i love you hi hello

tldr either i am an actual idiot or i have discovered the wonders of childlike imagination and i do not want to go back

im like.... stop... learn some cool facts learn more about space be the space person and im like.... noooo i like my things that ive made up i wanna make more i wanna make more i wanna make more im gonna be the cool person that has fun ideas not good ideas but fun ones fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun

sometimes i think about the saying "imagination is intelligence playing" and that just makes me go like "all im hearing is that i am secretly a big genius and i know everything im just having fun with it lmaooooooooooooo"

this is weirdddd i used to actually know things but then i think at age 13 my brain realized that i can just use my knowledge for whatever i want and i dont have to know normal smart things. my first order is to have more fun"

"are you neurodivergent :3" my friend. my buddy. pal. have a guess.

or maybe im neurotypical but just weird n dumb idk lol

anyway hi friends ur all fucking weird absolutely strange what even are u guys /EXTREMELY POSITIVE LIKE SERIOUSLY hi i love you