#he's such a nice asshole

[lostgracestories]

varré fluff? he's a bastard man but I want to cuddle him......

Ugh OF COURSE (same, cause we like the weird ones here)

So, I'm not sure if you meant headcanons or not so I wrote this little short story instead (because yes) Anyway! I hope you enjoy this fluffy Varre/Tarnished fic <3

wc: 648 tw: mention of gore (i think? does weird lumps count?), blood mention (duh, it's Varre), do bloody fingers need a tw?

Blood Rose

You were exhausted, having just fought your way through Stormveil. Liurnia, so far, had proven to be no less forgiving. There wasn't a single place where some part of you didn't feel at least somewhat vulnerable. So, when the familiar sight of a church was in your line of sight, relief washed over you like a waterfall. You quickly approached the church and were met with a familiar face.

Varre stood at the entrance to the church, which was covered in weird... globs of flesh, it seemed. As Varre spotted you approaching, his posture shifted ever so slightly. Despite his hunched position, he pulled himself up ever so slightly. It was hardly noticeable but he did it regardless. "Varre? What are you doing here?" The man was smiling under his mask, you could tell by the way his voice fluctuated into a tone, almost elated to see you. He began his rambling over the man he served under and gave you 5 festering bloody fingers. He urged you to try them out, claiming that you would quite enjoy them. For a moment you stared, and then pushed the fingers into your travel pack. "I really do urge you, I believe you will like them very much, lambkin" Varre sounded quite confident in himself and it drew a smile out of you. Sure, he was weird, but he was one of the only people in this place who hadn't tried to kill you upon setting his sights on you. In fact, he had been more than helpful since you came to the lands between. After a moment of pause, your eyes met the space where you guessed his eyes would be under his mask.

"I'll try them later, Varre. I just need rest right now... mind if I join you?"

The church was weird, but perhaps the feeling of familiarity had brought some form of comfort to your tired soul. You hadn't felt a sense of relief since you set foot here in Liurnia, so the feeling was more than welcome.

Varre was silent for a moment. He seemed to be contemplating your request like it was the oddest thing he had ever heard anyone say to his face. After the silence drew out much too long for his liking, he forced his head into a slow nod. "I suppose, for but a moment."

At his response, you immediately lean against the wall next to him and slide down into a sitting position. Sure, it wasn't the best place to catch some shut-eye, but might as well while you had the chance. Varre stood there silently and watched as your breathing slowed. At first, he was a little disgruntled at the idea of having to save your ass in this state. However, after a little more staring, he sighed and slid down the wall just as you had, sitting next to you with his legs crossed. He wasn't sure how long the two of you remained like this but it must have been a while because the sun had finally begun to rise.

As the sunlight danced over your eyelids, you squished your eyes tighter briefly before they slowly began to flutter open. You had not expected that when you turned to look next to you, Varre would be sitting there... staring... had he stared at you all night? Did he never sleep? You forced your thoughts down and instead, you offered him a smile.

"Thank you for watching over me, Varre"

The man grunted in response and turned his gaze away. Before he could get up, you carefully threw your arms over him in a half-awake hug. Varre froze up. Any asshole comment that he could think of, died on his tongue. Just as soon as you had hugged him, you had left, wishing him well in your absence... Oh, how very strange you were indeed...

[megatronusprimedecal]

"Always got your back." "No matter what."

Transformers One (2024)

[chiyana]

this is the stupidest crossover possible but I want Tim to make House his doctor

yes that House

why? He needs someone who is very good, will not give up or send Tim out to a different specialist just because his medical condition is difficult, will not be overly concerned about the danger Tim puts himself in, and will lie on Tim's medical records AND to Batman/Bruce Wayne/all of the Bats without hesitation or fear.

House is and will do all of those things without hesitation. He has no shame, no boundaries, he WILL get into a public fight with Bruce Wayne if it means keeping that man out of his patient's (and House's) business. He will help Tim lie to and gaslight the rest of his family without hesitation.

in exchange, Tim is his favorite patient. Not because they get along, necessarily, Tim is a know-it-all little shit and they constantly bicker and House hates how practically every facet of Tim's existence is a lie (and Tim thinks House is a smug know-it-all jackass who is needlessly cruel and callous bc he thinks the world owes him and never delivers just bc he's in pain, news flash a lot of people are in pain and manage not to be assholes) BUT, 1, Tim brings him really interesting cases and problems, and 2, Tim NEVER lies to House about his medical conditions or what he was doing when they happened.

He lies about literally almost everything else under the sun TO everyone else, but he is 100% completely upfront and honest about his medical history and what is going on with him with House.

admittedly it takes a while for House to realize Tim ISN'T lying to him because some of the shit he says is completely insane ("the vigilante thing is pretty obvious but what do you MEAN you got the Apocalypse virus TWICE, AND SURVIVED, AS A FOURTEEN-FIFTEEN YEAR OLD")

but once he realizes Tim doesn't ever lie to him, he becomes House's favorite patient because at least TIM gives him all of the data he needs as best he's able the moment he asks. At least House doesn't have to waste his time following up on bogus information or figuring out the truth, he can just get right into the meat of the medical issue at hand.

also it's so fun to lie directly to Batman's face, know the man knows, and know he can't do anything about it

[theredumbrellatheory]

BE NICE TO HIM 🤬

[skittikyu]

what a jax@$$

[s0rr3l]

@szynkaaa i couldn’t get it out of my head

@jeminiikrystal @blackknight-kai

[qiu-yan]

MDZS and asshole victims: thoughts on the second siege of the burial mounds scene

this post is not about morality judgments. this post is about reader sympathies only.

one rather clever rhetorical trick MDZS employs is putting all the more background "surviving victims of wei wuxian's actions" into one big angry mob at the second siege of the burial mounds, instead of letting them crop up anywhere else in the story. it's easy for a first-time reader to write off the guy who lost a leg at nightless city, or the guy whose parents died at nightless city, because both of those guys are being dicks. they're part of an angry mob baying for wei wuxian's blood--unfairly baying for wei wuxian's blood, because this time he didn't even do the thing they're saying he did. by putting these two victims into a mob of not just fellow victims but also unaffected individuals (ie. sect leader yao, who just showed up for kicks), the story can effectively equate these victims' grievances (ie. "you killed my parents") with unreasonable mob rule--even if these two things might not actually be equivalent.

the effect of this rhetorical trick, then, is that the reader can at once perceive the themes about mob mentality MXTX wishes to convey, and also effectively write off the victims' complaints. "yes, i did that to you, but i literally died already, what more do you want me to do? shall i walk on my knees repenting?" becomes easier for the reader to accept. and more importantly--wei wuxian's likability as a moral and just protagonist is not impacted.

ngl tho. it would be a bit more difficult for the reader to write off these victims' complaints if, instead of meeting said victims in an angry mob, the reader instead met these victims almost anywhere else. imagine if, instead of meeting mr. "you killed my parents" at the second siege of the burial mounds, we instead met him getting smashed at the local bar and crying about how his parents are dead. imagine if, instead of meeting mr. "you chopped off my leg" as a member of an angry mob, we instead met him begging for alms on the side of the road because his disability rendered him unable to work in a wuxia-esque setting. or imagine--if either of these background characters, overcome with survivor's guilt and trauma from nightless city, hung himself in his bedroom, and the next day his body was discovered by his 15-year-old daughter.

all of these scenarios are entirely plausible. you could easily include any of them into the story without changing the main plot at all. but suddenly shit just got a lot more depressing.

however, no such scene would ever be included in MDZS. the reason is that, as a work of fiction, MDZS's single most ardent goal is for us the readers to conclude not just that "we like wei wuxian as a character," but also that "wei wuxian is ultimately a morally righteous person." when the narrative focus shifts onto the people who were actually helped by wei wuxian's actions (mianmian and her family, lan sizhui, the few months of dignity the wen remnants were afforded) this becomes much easier for us to conclude; wei wuxian does indeed look like a hero. but the more narrative focus is given to the negative impacts of wei wuxian's actions--the more the "victims of wei wuxian" (whether actual victims or not) are given a face, instead of abstracted away by broad summaries--the more the reader might side-eye wei wuxian instead. every new victim given a name, given narrative attention that isn't just focused on making them look like an asshole, arouses the reader's sympathies in the opposite direction--and thus increases the risk that the reader might ultimately disagree with the novel's conclusion of "wei wuxian is a righteous person."

tbh, this does not seem like a risk MXTX particularly wants to take. instead, she's mastered the art of writing Asshole Victims.

which is an entirely valid writing decision, because imo basically every work of genre fiction out there does this to some extent.

[adustoflove]

No one understands guilt better than a girl with emotionally immature parents

[deoidesign]

Can you tell who my favorite character is right now...

[littlestkoi-n]

the rage I feel when reading Blood of Olympus chapters 45-56 is almost equivalent in magnitude to the absolute joy I experience when reading The Last Olympian chapters 1-23.

remember when percabeth was good? when they meant the world to each other but had other people they cared about (nico, for one. both of them. so much), other worries and other storylines aside from their romantic plot? and when nico's completed arc wasn't repeated for no reason other than to dump more trauma on the youngest character in the series? when background characters were included in the story not for all the unnecessary last minute romantic subplots but because they were fun and fascinating to learn more about? and were actually friends with main characters? remember when grover was percy and annabeth's best friend forever? and antagonists were actually interesting and intimidating and had compelling goals? and the story revolved around friendship and family and loyalty? and death was definite and loss was palpable and battles were thrilling?

yeah. good times.

[kingofanemptyworld]

hey you know what would be fun? a fic where the Royal Guard follows through with their plans to make Ichigo the new Soul King and Grimmjow promptly loses his shit because what the actual fuck Ichigo has already given these people literally everything, twice, and this is how they repay him? recruits Nel and Harribel and Urahara and Yoruichi (after Nel sits on him for a while because Jesus Christ Grimmjow you can’t storm Soul Society by yourself no matter how much you’ve powered up) and it’s the Ryoka Invasion all over again except with pissed off arrancar instead. I just think it would be neat

[sanjisboyfie]

yandere zoro headcanons

male reader of course <3 also this is actually a very soft yandere zoro, nothing super duper hardcore...i think

yandere ! zoro . . . just expects you to know that he likes you. it's so annoying. he does the bare minimum and genuinely thinks that's enough for you to know. he's held the door open for you one time and equated that to a love confession. because he's not gonna ever blatantly confess to you, so he does these other minuscule things to get your attention and make it "known" that he likes you.

yandere ! zoro . . . will be at your beck and call. he will do whatever you ask of him. he'll act like its annoying, but he is more than happy to do whatever you ask him. it's undeniably a really sweet gesture that he does, but sometimes he gets really pushy and aggressive with it. the reason why is because he wants you to completely rely on him, even for your own basic needs. he wants to be doing everything for you for the power-trip and control it gives him.

"give it to me," zoro gruffly said, taking the bags from your arms. you were more than capable in carrying the groceries, but zoro took them off your hands. he knew you could handle them, but he felt the need to aid you.

"i am more than capabl-"

"shut up, i'm doing you a favor," zoro rejected your want to carry the bags, shaking his head.

"fine, thanks, zoro." a flash of your gentle smile was enough to send him into a flustered, crimson red blushing state.

yandere ! zoro . . . kind of going hand in hand with ^ that one, zoro would easily kill for you. the amount of dead bodies you'd be responsible for would be uncountable. every single man or woman thats hit on you has - unknowing to you - have been murdered by zoro. he doesn't take people trying to take you away from him lightly. to him its serious enough he needs to take their life. and he has and he will continue to.

yandere ! zoro . . . is very pushy on affections. it may sound out of character, but zoro never thought he'd get lucky enough to find someone like you. so now he's found you, he's gonna be selfish about, as far as he can go.

zoro had a nasty habit of physically taking you away from conversations. it would be out of nowhere - when you're just playing games with chopper and then you're suddenly being thrown over zoro's shoulder. you could try fighting against him all you want, but he easily overpowers you.

and when you're finally dropped onto the crow's nests floor, you berate him, "what's your issue?! chopper and i were talking you know!"

"i know," zoro says, not bothered one bit by your shouting.

"so?" you say expectingly, not enjoying how nonchalant he was being about the whole situation.

"if you're my boyfriend, don't i have the right to spend time with you?"

"i can still have friends though,"

zoro yawned, taking you into his lap and trapping you in hie arms, "come on, let's just sleep. we don't have to keep talking about stupid shit like this,"

"you can't just-"

a hand on the back of your head made you crash into his chest and effectively shut you up, his chest silencing you as you were smothered (suffocated) in it.

yandere ! zoro . . . has two sides of his personality - one he uses with you, and only with you, and then the side he shows everyone else. he never speaks as softly as he does with you as he does with other people. he's hyper aware that he looks intimidating to others, but he goes out of his way to be softer with you. it's sweet, honestly, but it's terrifying to see it happen in real time.

zoro had an arm drapped around your shoulder, simply following in whatever direction you took him to. whenever he saw something that he'd think you'd like, he pointed it out to you with a hidden smile.

"wait, look, do you like it?" zoro gently asked, picking up the ring and examining it in the natural light, "i can get it for you, if you want?"

"but it's pretty expensive-"

"don't worry about it, i can afford it," zoro shrugged, enjoying the way your eyes brightened. if only he could keep that for himself completely, hide you away from the rest of the world.

the two of them walked up to the vendor. zoro's soft smile was wiped away in an instant, looking gruff and annoyed at the man, "this one."

"what a lovely ring, you two are-"

"could you just hurry up? our crew might leave without us," zoro lied, already so annoyed with the innocent man who was just doing his job. you slapped him on the chest, shooting him a look.

seeing the disappointed expression on your face, he faltered in his glare a little bit. and an embarassed blush came onto his face, looking to the side and forcing himself to not glare at the vendor.

the man looked grateful for your intervention, quickly taking the exchange of beri and handing you the ring. a quick thank you left your lips before you walked out of there, zoro in tow.

"you're such an asshole," you murmured in annoyance, shrugging off his arm from your shoulder.

"babe, c'mon, don't-" but he shut up immediately when he saw the look you shot him, a warning look. it worked and he kept quiet the rest of the walk to sunny.

he practically grovelled for forgiveness the rest of the night, only gaining it back when he gently put the ring around your finger and peppered kisses on your face.

yandere ! zoro . . . is really only nice and doting to you - he doesn't give a shit about anyone else but you and makes it known. it earns him a scolding but he needs you to know that everyone that isn't you doesn't even cross his mind. you're the only person he thinks about and will continue to think about - everyone else isn't even worthy of being as important as you are in his head. you are the only thing he cares about, he devotes his entire strength in making it known he is at your disposal.

[sluttybibuck]

imagine one day you’re on your third flight of the day doing your silly little flight attendant job and you’re exhausted, and ready to be home, and you’re smiling and dissociating as your greet passengers as they come on board and suddenly in walks jensen ackles, dean winchester himself, and he smiles and says “thanks” as you hand him a silly little disinfectant wipe. You proceed to hand the basket of wipes to your coworker as you rush to the bathroom to have a full blown panic attack because DEAN FUCKING WINCHESTER is on your flight and you are going to have to talk to him and interact with him and be professional and pretend you aren’t having a meltdown cause you would know those eye crinkles ANYWHERE. Imagine you’re taking dinner orders and you’re repeating to yourself in your head “be profesional, smile and ask for his order, just breathe” and he proceeds to order the cheeseburger and a whiskey neat and your brain short circuits and in your most sarcastic tone out of your mouth comes “yeah sure thing dean” AND THEN YOUR BRAIN EXPLODES CAUSE YOU JUST SAID THAT OUT LOUD TO JENSEN FUCKING ACKLES!!!!! Anyways he laughs and says “my wife says that all the time” then you proceed to die and blackout and work the rest of the flight on autopilot yeah imagine if that happened 😅

[dejasenti99]

rocky, the arms dealer.

[geekgirles]

I have a love/hate relationship with Valentino's design.

[saltycharacters]

[ID: Digital artwork featuring Shimazaki Ryou from Mob Psycho 100, with some cameos from Serizawa Katsuya and Reigen Arataka. First drawing has Shimazaki in a casual pose as he rests one hand on his hip and the other grasps his white cane. He's wearing a short pink dress with a leather jacket, heels, some pointy jewlery and leggings, smiling smugly. The next image is a rough comic following Shimazaki as he infiltrates Serizawa's home, the text above it stating "Headcanon: Shimazaki likes to teleport into Serizawa's house and steal his food bc he's too nice to stop him". The first panel shows Serizawa flicking the light on, asking in exasperated disbelief, "Shimazaki. Whya re you in my kitchen at 3 am" as Shimazaki casually responds with "Heeeey bud don't mind me just doing a late night food run". Next panel has Serizawa and Reigen sharing a couch as Shimazaki rumages through the kitchen in the background, the words "After Reigen moves in" written near the top. Reigen is facing the kitchen with a confused glare, angrily questioning, "WHY is he in our apartment" while Serizawa stares at the tv in tired acceptance as he responds with "Ignore him". Shimazaki, from the kitchen, inquires "Yo Serizawa did you change the location of the pretzels I can't find them", followed by "3rd cabinet to the left" from Serizawa and a "Thanks" from Shimazaki. End ID]

Shimazaki headcanons for the win