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all-the-love-harold · 4 years ago

Text

Fine Line

Chapter 1 - Lovin’ you’s the antidote

The First installment of my new series, let me know what you think about Harry and Clara

December 16th 2019

Clara was sitting on her window sill staring out at the rain falling down onto the street below her. People were battling with their umbrellas against the wind and she felt a sudden feeling of warmth as she stared into her living room, her best friend's new album playing through her TV and grateful that she wasn’t outside and that she didn’t have to leave her flat now until tomorrow morning she turned it up. The sound of Harry’s voice singing “Just let me adore you” echoed around the room and in that moment, she couldn’t help but feel lonely. Harry was still in LA after the release of his album and the rest of her friends were back in their hometowns for Christmas already. Normally she would call her boyfriend, but less than 2 hours after Harry boarded his plane to LA, Will called her and said that he wasn’t in love with her anymore and it was probably best that they stopped seeing each other. And just like that 8 years was over in one phone call and her shoulder to cry on was on a plane halfway over the atlantic.

Clara had met Will on her first day of university and they’d been together ever since but apparently his work had become too important and he didn’t have time for her anymore. She knew this was a load of bullshit, she knew that he’d been spending a lot of time with his assistant, who was very skinny and very blonde and everything that Clara hated about the world.

“You’re better off without him” Harry had said to her over the phone when he finally had the chance to call her back

“Doesn’t feel like it right now” she replied

“I know,” Harry sighed “I wish I could hug you”

“Me too” she said, Harry’s hugs always made everything better, they had ever since they were little and the worst thing that happened to them was falling off their bikes onto the concrete.

Clara sighed deeply as she sunk down into her spot on the bay window. She hated that she couldn’t enjoy having one night to herself, but she had gotten so used to having people around her, people she had to look after or take care of in some way.

“Maybe I should get a dog,” she thought to herself. Then she would never really be alone and she’d always feel needed.

But she lived in a small apartment so she would need a dog that was ok with being left inside while she was at work. Or maybe even a dog that she could take to work with her. Or a dog that Harry could dog sit for her when he was home. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and googled her local shelter. This was the most excited she had felt for months and the advice her mum gave her when she was young kept replaying in her head

“A dog or a baby will never be a mistake, they might make things harder sometimes, but you’ll love them so much that you’ll never feel like you made the wrong decision” and love was exactly what Clara needed right now. Because after Christmas Harry would be leaving for an almost year long world tour and she couldn’t stand the thought of being alone in London for that long. And her job meant that she couldn’t move back home to Holmes Chapel.

With just nine days left until christmas the shelter was full of dogs that needed new homes, dogs of all shapes and sizes, some who had been there for months and some who had only spent a few days there so far. If she had a bigger space, she'd adopt them all, but for now, one would do. She scrolled through and looked at all the profiles on the website before deciding that she would need to meet the dog before making any kind of concrete decision. And that was that, tomorrow morning she would pick Harry up from the airport and take him straight to the shelter to help her choose her new baby.

***

“Good Morning Ra” Harry said, shoving his bags into the boot of her car. The advantage of having a best friend that lived in London was not having to feel like an ass who needed a chauffeur to drive him around his home city.

“Good Morning Harold” she smiled trying to contain her excitement. Sleeping on the idea of getting a dog had not changed her mind, if anything it had only made her more sure of herself. And maybe slightly nervous.

“You’re very cheerful for someone who’s just been dumped” he said as he sat down in the passenger's seat and buckled his seatbelt.

“Do you have anywhere you need to be today?” she asked, ignoring his attempt at mentioning the elephant in the room

“I have rehearsals tonight, but until 7 I am free, don’t you have to be at work?”

“I have the day off”

Harry frowned “You never take days off” he said suspiciously “What’s going on?”

“We’re going on an adventure” she handed him her phone, “You’re in charge of the music”

“Da da da da da da ddada” The opening line of Golden echoed through the speaker, and Clara drove off,away from the airport, rolling her eyes at Harry for playing his own album.

They drove mostly in silence, Harry didn't want to ask where they were going and after the way she ignored his comment about the break up he didn’t want to bring it up in case it made her sad when right in this moment she seemed happier and more excited than he’d seen her in months.

They pulled up in a dingy looking car park on the outskirts of London and Harry furrowed his brow

“Where are we?” he said, half tempted to lock his car door

“I’m getting a dog” she smiled widely

“A dog?”

“Yeah, you know four legs, barks, like to go on walks, looks really cute when it’s asleep”

Harry laughed “I know what a dog is” he said, “But you’re not home enough for a dog”

“Office dog” she smirked “and I didn’t think you’d have any objections to dog sitting when you’re around”

“I mean, I don’t” he half smiled “but are you sure”

“Harold, in the very wise words of my beautiful mother, a dog or a baby is never a bad thing. And since the other half of my baby decided to up and fuck off a week ago, I’m getting a dog”

Harry sighed and unclipped his seatbelt, “You know most people find a rebound after a breakup, but a dog suits you better.” Harry knew when to stop arguing, he’d known Clara his whole life and, in a way, he knew she was right, a dog really was exactly what she needed.

They walked into the shelter side by side and anyone walking past would guess that they were a happy couple, looking to add the first addition to their little family. But that wasn’t the case, Harry and Clara had never been and will never be more than friends, despite what their mothers might think.

“Hi” Clara said as they walked into reception “I’m looking to adopt a dog”

“Of course” the girl smiled eyeing Harry off “just follow the hall all the way down to the end and one of the girls will help you once you’re down there.”

“Thanks” Harry smiled, winking at her as they walked away.

“Do you you have to flirt with everyone?” Clara said to him once they were out of earshot

“Just helping you get a really cute one”

Clara rolled her eyes and ignored him, she found that sometimes if she indulged him too much he became even more annoying.

They walked through the door at the end of the hallway and Clara’s heart immediately split into two. The dogs were all in tiny cages and a few of them looked unwell and malnourished, and that sympathetic feeling she felt when scrolling through their profiles last night only increased tenfold, staring into their lonely little eyes.

“Hi, my name’s sarah” a girl came around the corner, a wide grin on her face “are you just having a look or are you here to adopt today?”

“I’d like to adopt” Clara said definitively

“Yay!” Sarah said, “These dogs here have only just arrived and they’re not quite ready for adoption yet, but if you really fall in love with one of them you can come back in a few weeks and pick them up once they’ve had their needles and health checks or, if you go a little further down, those guys are ready to go - do you have a yard for a big dog, or were you looking for an apartment dog”

“I have a flat” Clara said, “but he has a yard just around the corner from my flat where I would take the dog to run around”

“I think I have the perfect boy for you!” Sarah exclaimed and started down the hallway, stopping outside a cage.

Clara smiled up at Harry and followed, almost at a run she was so excited.

“This is Larry, he’s a 10 month old greyhound and he’s been living in this shelter for 7 of those months”

Clara turned to face the dog and instantly fell in love, she crouched down and let him sniff her hand and instead he gave it a big lick and snuggled into it.

“He’s a sweet boy” Sarah said “but he’s not without his issues, he’s been seen by our behaviour therapist and he’ll need ongoing training and support but a little bit of love will go a long way with this little guy”

“What did he need to see the behavior therapist for?” Harry asked, knowing that Clara wouldn’t.

“He’s displayed a few guarding behaviors, they’re not uncommon for his breed, with the right training, he’ll grow into a wonderful dog”

Clara had stopped listening, she was kneeling down now, with her hand outstretched so that Larry could sniff it. But he didn’t want to just sniff, he greeted Clara with a great big lick and she knew right then that this was the dog that she would be taking home today.

“I’m sold” she said, without taking her eyes off the dog, who was now sitting very elegantly, staring up at her.

“Really?” Sarah said “Great, I’ll go and get him and take him to the play area and you guys can get to know each other while I get all the paperwork sorted - any questions?”

“Just one” Clara said thinking of the only obvious issue with adopting a dog named Larry and being publicly linked to Harry “Can I change his name?”

“Of course” Sarah smiled “He’s still a pup so he’ll learn his new name very quickly”

“Perfect”

Harry smiled at Clara as Sarah walked away “Are you sure Ra?”

“I’m sure as hell H, I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life”

“Alright then” he smiled “guess I’m becoming an uncle today”

***

“How about David Bowie” Harry said later that afternoon, sitting on Clara’s living room floor, throwing Larry the tiny tennis ball that he’d gone out and bought after they got him home.

“Bowie for short” Clara mused “I really like that”

“David when he’s in trouble” Harry laughed

“Bowie” Clara called and Larry’s ears pricked up

“Bowie” she said again, and he bounded over to her.

“Well that’s settled then” Harry said.

Bowie sat down on Clara's lap while she petted his head gently.

"I'm so in love with you already little dog"

Harry spent the rest of the afternoon watching as Clara turned into the dog mum she was always meant to be and he felt his heart swell every time she smiled at something Bowie did.

"Loving you's the antidote" he thought to himself although in that moment he wasn’t entirely sure who was helping who.

***

December 19th, 2019 - London’s Electric Ballroom.

Late was one thing that Clara hated being. If she was ever late for something it usually filled her with so much anxiety that she would have to call someone and let them know that she was in fact on her way. But tonight she was running late because she couldn’t tear herself away from a snuggle on the couch with her beautiful boy and she hadn’t called anyone because couldn’t bring herself to tell anyone that she was late to her best friend's album release because she was too busy snuggling her dog and that she wasn't sorry at all. So instead she snuck in the back door, slipped into the dressing room and pretended she had been there the whole time.

“Gem!” she exclaimed when she spotted Harry’s sister “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.

“No you haven’t” she smirked “You just snuck in that back door, you were late”

“Shhh” clara hushed “Don’t tell H”

“He won’t care, not today, anyway - Have you met the latest piece of arm candy?”

Clara batted her eyelashes at the news that Harry was dating someone new

“No” she shook her head, “I didn’t know there was anyone new”

“Oh they only met a few days ago, just before he left for LA I think, but she’s pretty clingy and so far she doesn’t seem that nice”

“Blonde?” Clara asked, a tone of bitterness evident in her voice

Gemma nodded

“Skinny?”

“You bet” Gemma sighed

“Checks out” Clara nodded, “That’s why he hasn’t told me, I think he’s afraid I’ll get sad if he’s dating someone that looks like the girl Will slept with 2 days after he broke up with me”

“What a prick” Gemma said “Will, I mean, not H… maybe H a little bit” she added

“Is she here?” Clara asked, raising her eyebrows as if she was on a mission.

“Yeah” Gemma nodded towards the closed door to Harry’s private dressing room “They’re in there together, doors locked”

“Gross” Clara rolled her eyes.

All of Clara’s gulit about being late seemed to disappear after that, Harry would never know, or care if he was too busy having sex with a girl he’s only just met in the dressing room just before the show. Especially if hadn’t deemed her important enough to tell Clara about.

Go time was fast approaching and eventually Jeff and Tommy, Harry’s managers, started ushering all the guests into the concert hall, so that Harry could get ready and warm up. Clara had never been to this venue before, but as herself and Gemma stepped out onto the balcony, she understood why it was called the electric ballroom, the room was buzzing with excitement and she felt herself become excited too. She did always love watching Harry perform. She had ever since they were babies and Harry would dance in the kitchen play area at daycare and she would giggle along.

“Just there” Gemma whispered to her, pointing at the tall blonde that just walked into the room.

Clara shrugged and handed Gemma the glass of wine that she herself had just been handed “Well if H won’t introduce me, I’ll just introduce myself”

She walked over to where the girl stood, looking lonely and out of place and held her hand out to her quickly withdrawing it, thinking about where it might have been not too long ago.

“Hi, I’m Clara” she said, keeping her hands firmly by her side, “I’m Harry’s best friend, Gemma told me that you guys are dating”

The girl looked her up and down “I’m Shelly” she said, sounding bored with the conversation already “If you’re his best friend you’ve probably been to one of these things before right”

“Yeahhh” Clara nodded, not sure where she was going with this “Once, this only his second album”

“How long do they go for? I’ve got a somewhere to be later”

“He’ll be on stage for about an hour and half” Clara said taken aback by the lack of support she was showing “but it’s a release show, so he’ll want to hang around celebrate the album going to number one already”

Shelly scoffed “Oh well I Probably can’t stay for that, I might even have to leave before he gets off stage”

Before Clara had a chance to reply the house lights turned off and a voice began to echo around the room.

“Right” Clara nodded, not wanting to say too much, although it was becoming pretty clear to her that they both seemed to only be in this for sex “Well it was nice to meet you, I’m going to go watch from over there”

“She’s a delight, isn’t she?” Gemma said, handing Clara back her glass of wine, glad that the screams were echoing around the room loud enough to drown her words out from any eavesdroppers.

“I give it a month”

Gemma didn’t have a chance to retort, because Harry had made his way onto the stage and the screams filling the room became deafening, but she thought a month was ambitious.

“Golden, golden, golden, As I open my eyes' ' A smile as wide as Harry’s cheeks spread across his face as he looked out into the crowd and he winked at Clara when he found her standing next to Gemma on the balcony.She always loved that his first instinct was to find her in a room full of people. She smiled back at him and tears filled her eyes. She was so proud of the man standing up on that stage, he’d come so far since the last time they were standing in a room like this and she’d been there every step of the way.The smile on his face said it all, he was happy and he was proud of the album he’d written and so was she.

“I’m Harry, nice to meet you, thank you very much for having me, how are you? Harry said after playing Golden “The crowd cheered and Harry moved his gaze back to where Clara and Gemma were standing, tears streaming down both of their faces “Good! Before we start the show properly, I’d like to point out that my beautiful sister and my beautiful best friend are already crying, after they promised they would wait until I sang Falling”

The crowd laughed and Clara only cried more while Gemma tried to hide her tears from everyone who had now turned around to look at them.

“So my new album came out a week ago, and tonight I’m going to play it for you. London is home. You are my home, it only felt right to sing it in front of you before it goes on tour. So welcome, and sing along when you can”

As Harry began to sing Watermelon Sugar, Clara glanced over at the space where Shelly had been standing and noticed that she was gone. Clara shrugged and turned back to face the stage. All she wanted to do now was dance, and enjoy the art her best friend had devoted himself to for the last year and a half.

When the first notes of “Falling” echoed around the room Clara’s heart sank and she was taken back to the day he’d written the song. It wasn’t that long ago, 4 months maybe, and he was heartbroken, a complete mess, he had been so in love and camille had ripped his heart right out of his chest and walked away with it. He didn’t know what to do with himself, so he found comfort in Clara’s apartment, pretending that none of it ever happened. And that’s exactly how Clara felt now, Will was gone, she was alone, and she felt like maybe that was it for her, she’d had her one great love and now she was someone no one would want around. Life had it’s funny ways of letting you know that you’re on the right path, and for Clara, listening to Harry on stage, reclaiming his heart for himself in a room full of people who loved and supported him through his worst moments, was one of them, if he could do it, so could she. Each song after that filled her heart with more and more pride and by the time Harry came off stage she felt as though she was going to explode.

“Harry fucking Styles” she said running into his arms when she finally got backstage

“Clara fucking Riley” he wrapped his arms around her

“I want to stay and party but I have to get home to my Bowie”

Harry kissed on the forehead “If I could I’d skip the party to hang out with Bowie too.”

“He’s pretty much the best”

“I’ll stumble in at some point later on though” he smiled “So we can head back home for christmas early tomorrow”

“Good idea, alright, Love you H - and we have to talk about Shelly in the car!”

“No we don’t” he smirked

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pluckyredhead · 4 years ago

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What's the top 10 worst things about HiC

Oh god, it took me FOREVER to narrow this down. There are so many bad things about it!!!

Literally I’m not even going to address all the little talking heads therapy sessions and how thoroughly riddled with continuity errors and godawful characterization they are, because there’s so much else wrong with the book. Just trust that they’re a mess, even if King is trying to be Intellectual (TM) by putting them in a nine-panel grid. WE GET IT. YOU’VE READ WATCHMEN.

I’m also not putting “they killed Roy” on the list because it’s comics, characters die. The fact that this book was a slaughterhouse is a problem (see below, #2), but the fact that one of those deaths happened to be one of my favorite characters is a bummer but not necessarily evidence that the book is bad. (The book is so bad.)

But okay, so the rest of it, from least-worst to worst-worst:

10. That Poison Ivy cover: Clay Mann draws beautiful people but for some reason he decided that the cover to #7 should be a dead Poison Ivy on her stomach, cleavage pressed against the floor, her spine arched EVEN THOUGH SHE IS DEAD in order to lift her ass in the air so that the reader can see both T and A at once. This was leaked and then ultimately pulled before it hit stands and Tom King tweeted that he'd never liked it, but it’s very telling to me that either literally no one noticed how gross this cover fetishizing a dead woman was before the internet protested, or DC actively planned to use a sexy dead woman to sell comics. In their book that was supposed to be about trauma and mental health and recovery.

10b. Babs, a theoretical protagonist of this book, sexily peeling her pants down to show her bullet scars, which shouldn’t even look like that due to all the surgery she’s had: We get it, you’re only interested in women’s trauma if it’s sexy. She doesn’t even get to talk on this page.

10c. The full splash page of Lois in her underwear, saying “What do you want me to do?” like she’s inviting the reader to bone her in the middle of this story about death and trauma: Stop!!! Just stop!!!

9. The laziness of everything having to do with Booster: Okay yeah, I’m gonna be fannishly self-involved about another one of my faves here, but Booster is legitimately one of the main characters of the series, along with the Trinity, Harley, Babs, and Wally. And yet the “trauma” that places him at Sanctuary was part of a hastily shoehorned-in Batman arc directly before HiC that writes him deeply out of character (he carelessly changes the timeline when despite the fact that he’s spent 15 years protecting the timeline, including the Superman arc he starred in literally directly prior to the Batman one), instead of anything endemic to the character (because spoiler, Tom King doesn’t actually know anything about the character). The series then entirely fails to address it, hanging Booster’s emotional arc instead on his friendship with Ted...a friendship that explicitly does not exist in the Rebirth timeline. The Ted/Booster friendship/marriage is literally my favorite relationship in the entirety of the DCU, but you don’t get to rest a protagonist’s entire arc on a relationship that was retconned out of existence seven years prior and then retconned away again. Do the work. Don’t copy Keith Giffen and J. M. DeMatteis’s papers from 31 years ago.

8. Interpretive hand jiving through the pain: You know how some people have to leave the room when characters do something very embarrassing on television? I’ve never been like that, just Jesus Christ I had to read this page between my fingers. Y i k e s :

7. Harley beating the Trinity in a fight: Come on. Harley couldn’t take a single one of them on her own, let alone all three. Don’t warp the characters to make your MC look more badass and keep the plot moving. (King also wrote Catwoman beating THREE SPEEDSTERS in his Batman run, which again: no. Absolutely not. Stop it.)

6. That Watchman reference: See above re: being so embarrassed for someone you have to read through your fingers. If you haven’t read Watchmen, the line “I did it 35 minutes ago” is extremely famous and absolutely a mic drop moment. It’s not a mic drop moment here. The characters are completely different and talking about completely different things. The only thing Heroes in Crisis has in common with Watchmen (besides copying the use of the nine-panel grid, like I said before) is that it’s about how heroes are fucked up, I guess? Which is hardly a bold statement in 2018; it’s actively cliche now, in fact. The only purpose referencing Watchmen serves here is to let the reader know that Tom King has read Watchmen, which is both pretentious because it is Art and ridiculous because it’s one of the bestselling comics of all time and millions of people have read it.

5. The abysmal “journalistic ethics” on display: There are so many characters literally and figuratively assassinated in this book that it’s easy to miss that Lois is one of them. But here’s a tip: when someone’s medical information is leaked to you, it is not in fact your obligation to share that with the world, no matter who they are. That is not information meant for public consumption, which we might assume Lois knows, since she doesn’t usually share the private business of her husband or her son or their cousin or any of their friends that she is also friends with. But suddenly she’s forgotten that because it’s on a zip drive? Not only does that show horrifying journalistic ethics from both Lois and Clark, who seems to think she had no other choice, it’s also ableist as hell - what, if someone has mental health problems or experienced trauma on the job they’re automatically a danger to the public? And despite the attempt to make this feel like a big twist, there’s actually zero point to it, because a) we never see civilians reacting to this information and b) there are literally zero consequences to publishing it in this or any subsequent comic. It’s never even mentioned again. If a tree publishes all of a superhero’s medical information and deep dark secrets in a forest and no one reacts to it in any way, shape, or form, does it make a sound?

4. The actual premise: I do sort of believe that Bruce would think “go to the middle of nowhere surrounded by robots wearing creepy robes and masks and tell your secrets to cameras which are then wiped and interact with no one” = therapy, although if that’s the case I don’t know why he keeps bothering to put people in Arkham, which at least allows them to talk to other humans. But under no circumstances do I think either Clark or Diana would go along with this horrible, horrible idea, that offers no genuine help to anyone. Not only does the fact that it’s implausible undercut literally everything that happens within the framework of Sanctuary’s existence, it’s just one of many examples of how almost everyone acts completely out of character all the time in order to keep the plot chugging along.

3. Bruce’s terrible detective skills: The World’s Greatest Detective spends like six issues seriously thinking that either Booster Gold or Harley Quinn is the killer. Booster or Harley! Booster has neither the temperament nor the ability to kill on that level and Harley would never hurt Ivy, plus neither of them are a match for Wally (who is believed to be dead at this point), and Bruce should know that. Again, weak characterization all around, but it’s especially egregious given that King wrote Batman for A HUNDRED ISSUES.

2. Wally’s character assassination: This is a three-parter:

2a. Logistical: It makes no fucking sense. Wally got his own corpse to the crime scene by traveling five days into the future and killing his future self. Everyone sees the corpse. Then Booster, Ted, Harley, and Babs talk him out of killing himself. But...he already did that and everyone saw the corpse, so now we have a paradox that’s never addressed.

2b. Moral: The comics have tried desperately to walk Wally’s actions back in the past two years, emphasizing that he didn’t mean to kill TWELVE PEOPLE, including one of his best friends. It was an accident! But he still framed Booster and Harley for literally no reason except to create a whodunnit, set them on each other which could have easily ended fatally for Booster, and then sent everyone’s private information to the media (which again, the comic frames as somehow noble and necessary, but which is actually deeply unethical). So you made this beloved 60-year-old hero into a villain...why, exactly? Just so it would be surprising? Cool, great work, Captain Edgelord.

2c. Metatextual: This comic spins out of Rebirth Special #1. The New 52 erased Wally from continuity and then brought him back as the younger, biracial Wally (and this isn’t the place to get into fandom’s response to that and DC’s response to fandom’s response so let’s just say they are both YIKES MCGIKES and leave it at that). Rebirth Special #1 brought him back, and the return of the “real” (white) Wally (again: yikes) heralded a new universe that was lighter and happier and contained way more fan favorites. It was literally branded as a gift to fans, embodied in Wally West.

In Heroes in Crisis, Wally is crushed by the weight of everyone being so happy he’s there and loving him so much while he’s struggling with grief and depression, and that’s why he snaps. It’s the metatextual equivalent of having Wally look at the reader and say “You’re happy I’m back and comics can be lighter now? Well, FUCK YOU, YOU RUINED EVERYTHING.” It essentially blames the reader for having Wally go evil, because the reader loves Wally too much.

King, what the fuck?

1. The overall message: Heroes in Crisis was sold as a thoughtful exploration of mental health and trauma, instead of just another bloodbath. Instead, it killed a dozen characters in its first issue and dicked around for another seven with an uninspired whodunnit before throwing a beloved hero in the garbage. But in the meantime, it manages to say:

Trauma is unavoidable.

But therapy doesn’t help.

Trying it does more harm than good.

If you’re struggling, you are a danger to others and don’t deserve privacy.

Good luck with that.

Therapy literally saved my life. This comic enrages me. This comic is harmful. Superhero comics as a whole have a lot to answer for when it comes to discussions of mental illness, but at least some random issue of Batman where Bruce thoughtlessly throws another “looney” into Arkham isn’t billed as a sympathetic take on PTSD. Our culture already discourages asking for help, and we don’t need a pretentious funnybook miniseries helping with that.

(If you made it all the way to the end of this post and you are struggling with trauma, depression, PTSD, whatever...please do look into therapy. I promise you it’s nothing like this comic.)

In conclusion, Heroes in Crisis is bad and it should feel bad.

THE END.

#heroes in crisis #comics #wally west #flash #NO TALK ME IM ANGY #kiseiakhun

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writerwhowritesao3 · 4 years ago

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Director's Commentary on Talk To A Green Tree?

Oh hai!! Director’s Commentary under the cut ‘cause it’s a lengthy one, love.

I wanted to write this story because I wanted to explore the relationship between Billy and Susan. I wrote about their relationship somewhat in my first story, Jump In The Fire, but that wasn’t the main purpose or focus of that fic; the main focus of Jump In The Fire was the beginning of Billy’s relationship with Steve (jumping in at the Harringrove angle) and also setting up friendship relationships between Billy, Nancy, and Jonathan—and, of course, also to “fix” Billy’s relationship with Max.

In Jump in the Fire, I wanted to make it clear that Billy’s relationship with Susan isn’t contentious or bitter—if anything, they have a good-to-okay relationship. Billy has trouble letting Susan in and has very conflicting feelings about her, and understandably so. He’s traumatized and hurt from the fact that his biological mother, Sandra, outright abandoned him with his abusive father when he was ten; he has major trust issues and a fear of abandonment stemming from that.

Still, Billy does like Susan. Loves her, when you get down to it. It would be hard not to like a woman who’s been a maternal figure in your life since you were 11/12. But Billy feels conflicted about his feelings towards Susan for three main reasons:

1) He’s not over his own mother’s abandonment

In all honesty, Susan being concerned about Billy's wellbeing didn't come as much of a surprise. In the four-and-a-half years that she and Neil had been married, Susan had taken her role as Billy's stepmother very seriously. At points, even bordering on "replacement mother" territory. If Billy was being truthful with himself, he didn't hate Susan. Hell, he may have even admitted to liking her. And if Billy was feeling extra introspective, he would have admitted that the only thing that compelled him to keep Susan at arm's length was that he still wasn't over the fact that his own mother abandoned him. (Jump in the Fire, chapter 4)

2) He’s angry that Susan doesn’t stop Neil from abusing him (although he acknowledges that it really isn’t her fault...and as mentioned in another chapter, she doesn’t know how bad Neil gets when she’s not home)

Of course, there was also the lingering and maybe-unreasonable resentment that Susan was unable to stop her husband from beating him. But in all fairness, his own mom couldn't do that either. (Jump in the Fire, chapter 4)

2) He’s afraid to acknowledge his feelings because he’s afraid that one day, Susan will leave Neil—and Billy—, taking Max with her.

The other great thing about his dad not being home was that the mood around the house was a lot lighter. It wasn't anything overt or obvious, it was just the general atmosphere. Billy wasn't as tense; even a little more jokey with Max and Susan. He and Max didn't have to watch their language as much. Even Susan seemed just slightly happier and more relaxed when it was just the three of them in the house.

Billy noticed it. He'd been noticing it for years. And it scared the shit out of him. (Jump in the Fire, chapter 11)

There’s also another reason for Billy’s conflicting feelings: he thinks that accepting Susan as a mom or mother figure would be a betrayal to Sandra (who he has not spoken to since he was 10...)

"Sounds good," Billy smiled softly. "I'm gonna go to bed."

"Yeah, you should," Susan said. "It's late. 'Night, honey."

"'Night, Mom," Billy said as he turned around to head to his room.

He didn't realize what he had said until he was halfway down the hall. Didn't realize that the word "mom" had slipped out of his mouth so effortlessly. He didn't know if Susan had caught the slip. Couldn't bring himself to look back to see if she had noticed it or even heard it. Couldn't help but wonder if, on the chance Susan had caught it, she minded. Or if she resented it because she wasn't his mom. Or if she didn't care either way. Unable to stop his mind from going there, Billy wondered how his actual mother would feel about him calling another woman "mom."

Billy went to sleep that night with the terrible feeling that he committed some horrible, irreparable betrayal. (Jump in the Fire, chapter 11)

Chapter 12 of Jump in the Fire is the first time I wrote anything from Susan’s perspective. In those sections, I wanted to make it clear that Susan not only loves Billy and considers him to be her son, but that she has absolutely no intention of abandoning him. Susan is an adult woman and so she has the insight and emotional maturity to understand why Billy has a hard time fully trusting her and letting himself relax around her.

I also wanted to make it clear that although Susan knows that Neil hits Billy, she doesn’t actually know the full extent of it. She has her suspicions, and that’s absolutely part of the reason why she chooses to stay married to Neil: she does not want to leave Billy alone with him.

ANYWAY

I’m writing Talk to a Green Tree to further explore the mother-son relationship between Billy and Susan because I didn’t focus closely enough on it in Jump in the Fire. The fic is written in both Susan and Billy’s perspectives.

The first three chapters of Talk to a Green Tree are about events/ moments that occur pre-Hawkins and the last three chapters are about events/moments that happen when they’re living in Hawkins.

The focus on two of the chapters are actually mentioned in Chapter 5 of Jump in the Fire.

The first chapter takes place during the first year of their new family. As mentioned in the chapter, Billy gets horribly sick when he’s 12 years old, and Susan takes a week off of work to stay home with him and take care of him.

(spoilers if you guys give a shit lol) The next chapter to be published (Chapter three) takes place the summer before they move to Hawkins, when Billy is 15 (almost 16). The chapter is about Billy being drugged and raped at a party and how the next morning, he lets himself be (almost) completely vulnerable with Susan.

...with the anger came guilt—guilt at feeling angry at Susan because, fuck, she did not deserve that. When he was twelve years old, about seven months after Susan and Neil had said their vows, a severe flu had gone around Billy's school; Billy had caught it. Susan had taken a week off of work to stay home with him. She had kept him hydrated, made him soup, rubbed his back when he threw up. Even helped him into the bath when his 103º fever broke and he felt clammy and sweaty and weak from the illness.

And then, of course, there was the incident in June, a week before Neil broke Billy's collarbone. When Neil was on a weekend trip with his work buddies and Billy had gone to a college party he had no business going to. Had gone to a party and came home at two in the morning, blasted out of his mind despite only drinking one beer. Had spent the entire next day going from curled up and shivering in bed to kneeling on the bathroom floor with his head in the toilet. He had stuffed his blood-stained underwear to the bottom of his trashcan, double-bagged it, and tossed it into the neighbors' trash bin that night.

Susan had taken care of him as best she could with the very limited information that she had. Had given him water and held his hair back, even when he was just dry heaving. Had fucking held him when he cried and cried and couldn't stop.

"Did something happen at the party?" Susan asked softly, rubbing circles onto Billy's back. He shuddered and nodded into her tear-soaked neck. He was practically in her lap. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," Billy gasped out. He took a few shaky breaths. Tried to get his tears under control. Failed. "Please don't tell my dad," he begged.

"I won't, sweetheart, I won't," she soothed. She stroked his hair. He cried harder. "I got you, honey, you're okay."

She kept her word and she never pushed him to tell her what happened. She never even brought it up again. (Jump in the Fire, chapter 5)

That chapter is honestly tricky to write. The first part is in Billy’s perspective and actually goes into exactly what happened to him and the second part is in Susan’s perspective, starting with being woken up at 2AM because a sorority girl brings a very out-of-it Billy back home, going into her being pissed off that Billy a) lied about where he was going and b) seems to have gotten so shit-faced that he’s violently ill the next morning...and then having the horrible realization that Billy is probably not just hungover and then having the awful, instinctual feeling that Something Happened to him.

ANYWAY

I guess at its core, Talk to a Green Tree is about the formation and evolution of a blended family that’s affected by domestic violence and trauma. And it’s about Susan really doing her best to be a good mom to Billy...and about Billy eventually being able to trust Susan and acknowledge to himself that even though Susan isn’t his mother, she is his mom in every way that counts.

This was very fucking rambly haha.

#harringrove #billy hargrove #susan hargrove #susan mayfield #stranger things #harringrove fanfic #stranger things fanfiction

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alexiessan · 5 years ago

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Never alone - Chapter Nine - Soulmate AU

AO3

Previous - Here - Next

Master List

Hi everyone! I wanted to thank everyone who likes, reblogs and leaves some comments on my story here! It really motivates me to write and I love interacting with you guys! So thank you!

When I started this story, I thought it would be a short one, like 10 chapters at most, and here we are at chapter 9 and I can see it will be more than 10 chapters... Don’t know how long it will be though.

I think you may have been looking forward to a scene in this chapter... Enjoy !

As she made her way to breakfast with Alya — who didn’t see her left eyes when Marinette made her way from her bed to the bathroom, thanks God — the designer didn’t expect to be literally kidnapped by two of her childhood friends. And from the shock on the reporter’s face, she didn’t expect it either.

“What? Nino, Kim?! What are you doing? Let Marinette go!”

It only made Kim laugh as he tightened his grip on the Eurasian girl’s arm.

“No can do Césaire! It’s time for l’équipe des bras cassés — the team of broken arms — to have a reunion! You’ll get her back tonight! Bye Alya!”

And without waiting for an answer from the journalist, the two boys led her to the hotel’s restaurant, forcing her to sit with the two of them at a small table.

Nino, Kim, and her were childhood friends. They knew each other since they were in diapers and, to her dismay, they grew apart as they grew up. They only grew closer again after they were in the same class again back in middle school, when Alya and Adrien joined the school. She was very happy to rekindle her friendship with the two boys, she had missed them, especially when Chloé decided that bullying her was a good way to pass the time.

L’équipe des bras cassés was a name that one of their professors gave their little group when they were still in primary school. She didn’t know what the name stuck with time. Kim kept calling themselves that way, even if it wasn’t a very flattering name in the first place.

Since they rekindled their relationship, the two teens sometimes “kidnapped” her that way, to the shock of the person she was with at the time. It was the first time they took her away from Alya like this, so she could understand her shock to their behavior.

“So, DC. What are you hiding?”

Marinette froze. One of the inconveniences of their friendship — the very same disadvantage of her friendship with Alya — is that after all their years, they knew her too well, just as she knew them too well. They could read her like an open book and there was no hiding anything from them.

But she could still try.

“What do you mean?”

“Just spill, Marinette.” laughed Nino.

Or not. The fashion designer sighed.

“Why do you even think I’m hiding something?”

“You’re oddly happy, DC.”

“I’m always happy.”

It looked like she was having the conversation she had with Rose all over again.

“Yeah, but you’re not just happy. You’re the same kind of happy that Nino was when he started dating Alya. Or like me when I started dating Ondine.”

“Oh, how is she?”

There was a time before Kim started dating his fellow swimmer, where she thought that he and Alix would one day become a thing. After asking them out of curiosity, Alix told her that she was very much aro-ace and Kim never saw her in such a light.

She was very happy for her friend when he started dating Ondine, even if she wasn’t her soulmate. As of right now, the athlete didn’t know anyone who could be linked with the tattoo he was born with.

“She’s fine, thank you. But don’t try to switch topics.”

Marinette grimaced. She was genuinely interested in Ondine’s well being, but she had hoped that Kim would rant a bit about her and then forget about her.

Thanks God, Nino saved her from having to spill anything.

“You know that if you tell us to mind our own business, we will drop it right? We’re curious but we won’t force you to tell us anything if you’re not comfortable.”

The blue-eyed girl smiled.

“Thanks. It’s just… I can’t tell you now, and I probably won’t be able to tell you for a while yet, but it won’t be a secret forever.”

The Asian boy clapped his hands.

“Alright! You just had to say that, DC! We’ll drop it until you’re ready. It’s just… It’s a secret that makes you happy, right? I mean..; If you were in trouble or anything, you know that you can ask for our help?”

Marinette gave him a one side hug, happy that her friends cared about her.

“Of course I know. Don’t worry, it’s a secret that makes me happy, and I will be even happier the day I will share it with you guys.”

“Great! Now, will you guys be there at my next competition?”

The next few days passed in a blur for Marinette. They were already on their last day in Gotham and she didn’t really want to go back. They would take the plane back to Paris the next day.

She had spent every night with Robin, learning a few moves of martial art. She had seen his rude and cynical side and took it in stride. After dealing with Chloé for years, and then dealing with Lila, she could take Robin. Especially since he wasn’t being mean, just brutally honest. But she needed him to be if she wanted to progress. He was still very patient with her and she appreciated it.

She got used to seeing him every day and while they could video call when she would be back in Paris, it wouldn’t be the same.

She will miss him.

“Hey, Marinette, are you with me?”

The girl focused on the voice calling her, seeing Tim looking at her, obviously worrying.

“Ah, sorry I was lost in my thoughts.”

“I could see that.” he laughed. “I was just saying that it’s time for lunch. You should go find your friends, I’m meeting with my father and my brother.”

“Oh, of course!”

In the past few days, Tim has been a great help in her project for her own business. They had worked on fictional businesses until she understood well how to make a business plan before moving on to her own business. She had a notebook almost full of plans for the MDC company.

A very small company of one person, but a company nonetheless in the eyes of the law.

She would have to create a website when she was back in Paris, she thought. She could probably ask Max for his help. And ask him what his prices were.

Once again lost in her thought, she didn’t notice the man in front of her as she left Tim’s office until she collided with him.

“Oh, I’m sorry!”

“You’re early, Damian.” said Tim behind her. Somehow, she could hear the smirk in his voice.

She felt more than saw the boy froze. She took a step back, giving him more space and looked up at his face.

Damian was a boy around her age with black hair styled in an undercut. He had tanned skin and green eyes that looked familiar.

“Oh, you must be Tim’s brother.”

Damian nodded.

“I’m Marinette!” she extended her hand and he shook it briefly. “I’m Tim’s intern for the week.” she smiled.

“Damian Wayne.” he introduced himself.

The co-CEO of Wayne Enterprises put a hand on his intern’s shoulder.

“You will have to excuse him, Marinette, Damian is a bit shy in front of strangers.” He smirked.

The glare the younger boy threw at his older brother could freeze hell.

It did make her freeze.

“Careful, Damian, you’re scaring Marinette here.”

The youngest Wayne flinched, dropping his glare.

“I apologize.”

“No, no, it’s okay. I should head to lunch anyway. It was nice meeting you!”

The young girl waved at them as she left them behind.

She couldn’t help but wonder if she had seen Damian somewhere before.

After Marinette left, the glare returned to Damian’s eyes.

“What the hell, Drake.”

Tim put his hands up as if to show him that he was no threat to his younger brother.

“Hey, now. It wasn’t my fault. And honestly, you didn’t have to glare like that, it’s your own fault that you scared her.”

Damian felt a huge satisfaction as his brother didn’t manage to dodge his kick to the knee.

He turned around, scoffing.

“Hurry up, would you? Father is waiting for us.”

Marinette was sad when the clock struck at 5 pm. During the week, she grew attached to Tim. When they weren’t talking business, they grew to know each other. He would talk about his brothers and his stories about them always made her laugh and made her longing for siblings stronger than ever before. They would talk about their likes and dislikes too and the Parisian really liked Tim as a person.

So, yes. She was sad that she won’t be able to see him again after that.

Tim closed his notebook, looking at her.

“Well, that’s the end of it. It was a pleasure working with you Marinette.” he said as he stood up.

She stood up too, extended her hand.

“Thank you for everything, Tim. I’ve learned so much with you and it was so much fun! I can’t thank you enough.”

The young adult smiled, pushing her hand away.

“Come on, don’t be so stiff. Give me a hug.”

She beamed and did just as he said.

As they broke the hug, the second youngest Wayne handed her a business card.

“Don’t be a stranger. If you got any questions or if you just want to talk, text me or call, alright?”

He grinned and ruffled her hair as she took the card.

“I’ll walk you out.”

As usual, Robin as at her hotel room’s window at eleven sharp, handing her his cape before taking her to the roof.

They sparred a little and Damian taught her the basics of a new move but they didn’t spend as much time on it as they used to.

Soon, they were on the edge of the roof, their legs hanging as they talked of nothing and everything.

The sadness came back for Marinette.

“I’ll miss you, you know?”

Robin looked at her, silent.

“I got used to seeing you every day and… well… I really like you.”

She blushed, not believing how bold she was. She hadn’t planned to say that and she cursed her mouth for moving faster than her brain could think.

“I guess I’ll miss you too.”

The French girl scoffed.

“You guess?” she raised an eyebrow.

“You know what I mean.”

She did. In the two weeks they spent in each other’s company, Marinette learned that Robin struggled with expressing his feelings. When he said that he “guessed that he will miss her”, she knew that he meant that he will miss her too.

The vigilante took something out of his utility belt, handing it to her.

“Here, it’s for you.”

She took the piece of paper, unfolding it to discover a drawing of her and Robin.

She gasped as she saw it.

“Thank you.” she breathed.

A few days earlier, she had told him that he was a shame that they couldn’t take a picture together. Too much risk of someone seeing it on her phone or something. A drawing, though… She could hide it somewhere in her room where no one but her would find it.

It moved her that Robin would do something like that for her.

She could feel him shift beside her, tugging slightly at her hood.

When she looked at him, he was closer than he was before.

She couldn’t help her blush as she noticed that he was looking specifically at her lips.

His lips were suddenly very attractive for her too.

“Can I…” he hesitated a little and she looked directly into his eyes. “Can I kiss you?” he whispered.

“Please, do.”

She met him halfway, his lips capturing hers in a soft kiss that put butterflies on her stomach.

One hand still holding the drawing, she put the other on his jaw, deepening the kiss while keeping it chaste.

Kissing Robin, while giving her butterflies in her stomach, wasn’t like fireworks.

No… It was like coming home.

And while he didn’t tell her with words that he liked her too, this kiss spoke for him.

They spent the rest of the night talking and kissing — some kisses a little less innocent than the first one but they weren’t making out — until it was almost four in the morning.

As Robin decided to take her back to her room, Marinette started to take the cape off.

Robin’s hands stopped her though.

“Keep it.”

“What? But it’s your-“

“Just keep it, damn it.”

Marinette could see the tips of his ears go red and she beamed at her.

“Okay. Thank you.”

She took his face in her hands and gave him a soft, lingering kiss.

She didn’t want this night to end.

“Text me when you’re back in Paris safe, alright?”

“Alright.” she breathed. “I’ll see you… sometimes, I guess?”

His thumb caressed her cheek and she leaned into it.

“I’ll see if I can visit you sometimes.”

With one last kiss from Robin and farewells, he took her back to her room, lingering a little at her windows before leaving.

Marinette sat on her bed, seeing Tikki awake on her pillow. She unconsciously put her hand on her lips, her fingers tracing them.

Tikki gave her a knowing look with a smirk.

“Oh, shut up.” Marinette laughed silently.

She hoped that she would see Robin again soon.

Tag List:

@bigpicklebananatree @animegirlweeb @crazylittlemunchkin @northernbluetongue @cutechip @justafanwarrior @iloontjeboontje @resignedcatservant @maribat-is-lifeblood @i-like-fairytail-and-stuff @toodaloo-kangaroo @mikantsume @dast218 @amayakans @zestyzealot @lunarwolfspn @corabeth11

#maribat #daminette #maridami #damian x marinette #ml x dc #miraculous x dc

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catsafarithewriter · 4 years ago

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The Disappearance of Haru Yoshioka (Part 11)

Part: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [fini]

Haru’s voice sudden dries, and the words that peel themselves from her lips are cracked and hoarse.

“Are you... me?”

The other woman - the other Haru - gives a smile. “In a fashion.”

Unbidden, Haru’s gaze runs over the uncanny valley stranger, her eyes quick to note the dissimilarities that set them apart. For while this woman bears the same body, the history carved into her bones is alien to Haru. Her eyes are the same colour, but they are wearier, the bags beneath them weighted from long shifts and tight budgets. Her skin is duller, paled from too many hours spent indoors, and instead of a wedding ring there is a scar running along her left hand.

“You’re... the Haru from the other reality,” she says.

The other Haru gives the same half-nod, and Haru realises it is the same motion Toto gives so often. “I’m more like... an echo. There is a part of you that still remembers the life you lost, but it is distant. This is all that remains.”

“Can you return my memories?”

The other Haru shakes her head. “No. The only way you’ll be able to regain your memories is if you choose to go back down that path.”

“But how am I meant to decide if I can’t remember what my life used to be like?”

“Well... I guess that’s where I come in.”

She sees Haru’s curious gaze, and laughs loosely and runs her palm over the scarred hand. “I always told the Bureau that I would never get involved in any of their cases, but the cases didn’t always afford me the same courtesy. Being an associate of a Bureau that likes to stick its nose in other people’s business comes with its own risk.”

“It looks like it took its toll,” Haru hazards, but she only receives a light laugh for her cautioned comment.

“Life does that.”

Less for me than you, Haru thinks, but does not say it. Evidently she doesn’t hide it as well as she’d hoped, for there is that same echoing laugh.

“Oh, what’s the matter, Ikewaki? You don’t like how your other option looks?”

“Is this when I make my choice?” Haru asks, pushing onwards. There is a smile in the other woman’s voice as she calls Haru by her married name; a strangely impersonal address from an echo of another life.

“No. You’ll know when the time comes, but for now... I guess this is a waiting room.” The other Haru wrinkles her nose, as if twitching whiskers as she thinks. “Or perhaps an interview room. Regardless, when you feel ready, the choice will open.”

Apparently her other self had picked up a flair for the dramatics. Probably from Baron, Haru decides. Well, if this is indeed a place for questions, she can oblige. “Is there a right answer?”

The other Haru - Yoshioka, Haru can’t help but think of her - shrugs. “Well, my reality does pan out better for the Cat Kingdom, but... I don’t think that’s what you’re really asking, is it?”

Haru reddens, uneasy with being seen through so easily. It is difficult to think in terms of people she has never met, whom she cared for in another life, but in her reality she has a different family. She has a husband and friends and a life she has nourished and cherished. “Is it true what the spirit said?” she asks. “Am I happier now?”

Yoshioka gives a Muta-like snort. “There are ways your life is quantifiably better than mine. Financially. Vocationally. Romantically. For that, I will not argue, but on the concept of who was happier... I could not say.”

“You were working a dead-end job in a tiny flat.”

Yoshioka smiles. “True. But have you ever seen the diamond horizon of the midnight world? Or spoken with giant lionturtles? Have you heard the first songs of the sky whales? There are ways in which my life was richer than yours, just as yours has its.”

“I suppose.”

“I won’t lie to you; the life I made wasn’t glamorous or comfortable.” Yoshioka chuckles. “I did my fair bit of running from monsters, however much I tried to stay out of it, and there were opportunities I missed because I was too busy wrapped up in the Bureau’s world but... every life has its trade-offs. There is more than one way to find happiness.”

Her fingers brush almost tenderly over the scar that mars her left hand, tracing the raised skin and circling where it ends, and now Haru sees what she had missed the first time around. There is a steadiness in the other Haru’s gaze, an easy confidence in the slope of her shoulders, and she realises the scars are not a sign of a near-failure, but of something survived. Something she was stronger than. Something she lived through to learn for another day.

Again, Yoshioka follows Haru’s gaze, and her fingers slow. That same easy chuckle rises in the back of her throat. “Oh, I know. A little bit Humpty Dumpty, isn’t it? Turns out humans get damaged a lot easier than cats and Creations.”

“Do they... hurt?”

“There’s always a few aches and pains.” She motions to her knee. “The scar there always itches just before a storm which has its uses, sometimes.” A laugh. “And they hurt like hell upon the receiving, but...” and she gives a soft smile, “the Bureau always puts me back together again.”

Haru can’t find it in herself to return the smile. She tries to imagine living the life Yoshioka has done - to imagine choosing that life when a kinder one is taking - and finds she cannot. They are more than simply two variations on a person; they are different people, shaped by the choices they have made.

“Would you...?” Haru falters. “If I choose to keep my life, what happens to you?”

“If you choose to stand back, I think your reality will return once more and what’s left of the old reality will disappear for good.”

“Including you?”

“Including me.” Yoshioka smiles sympathetically. “Oh, don’t look so sad. I am merely the echo of a life that once was; you’ll forget me along with all the other remnants of what once was. If you choose your current life, everything will go back to how it was before Baron turned up at your window.” Another smile, bittersweet this time. “I think even Baron will forget this time around. I’m glad. It will be a kindness on him to have the last few years erased.”

Haru hesitates. “Do I have to? Forget, that is?”

“I’m afraid you’ll have no choice. You cannot truly live the life of this reality with the past shadowing you. You will be happier not knowing what you might have had.”

Maybe so, Haru thinks, but despite everything - despite the chaos, despite the stress, despite the difficulty of balancing everything - she finds she does not want it to simply vanish. “I think I understand you a little better,” she says. She looks up into the other Haru’s eyes, and sees behind the tiredness lies a boldness that she had missed before. “You didn’t just stay for the adventure, did you?”

“Is it that obvious?”

“You stayed because of the Bureau. Because of... of Baron.”

The faintest blush colours Yoshioka’s cheeks. “Yes.”

“You love him, don’t you?”

“Yes. And maybe the spirit was right. Maybe that’s why I kept making stupid decisions, clinging on to a world I don’t belong to, just to stay with him a little longer.”

“Do you regret it?”

“No. Baron is...” and her other self pauses, but not from doubt. The smile that crosses her lips is achingly familiar; it is the same smile Haru gives her husband in their small quiet moments. It is a smile of surety of where she belongs. “He’s reckless and dramatic and flawed and many other things; things you’ve come to know well enough in your time with him, I’m sure. But he is also kind and determined and brave. The way he sees life - not as an end goal to success or productivity, but as a chance to help others - it changes you. It helps you see the little things, to understand even the smallest choices can make the biggest differences.” She inhales curtly, giving the ghost of an amused snort. “But I guess I don’t have to tell you about that, do I?”

“I guess you don’t.”

There is a click from behind Haru, and Yoshioka glances past her. The smile that flits across her lips cannot hide the sadness. “I guess that means you’re ready to go. Any last questions before you make your choice?”

“Only one. If you were in my shoes, would you do it all over again?”

“Yes. In a heartbeat, yes.” Yoshioka’s gaze softens. “But, in the end, it’s your choice. It has to be yours.”

“Thank you.” Haru turns, and there is an old wooden door behind her. She reaches out and finds the handle unlocked, the door already gently ajar.

“Haru?”

She lingers. “Yes?”

“Whichever path you take, you will be happy.” Although Haru isn’t looking back, she can hear the affectionate smile in Yoshioka’s voice. “In the end, the only question is what kind of happiness do you want?”

“I think I know now,” Haru answers, and she steps through the door.

Part: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [fini]

#the disappearance of haru yoshioka #the cat returns #cat writes #this was one of the scenes I was really looking forvvard to #more to follow!#the cat queues #basically two harus discussing what is happiness #and the conclusion is whatever you make it #also I like the headcanon that the bureau doesn't really deal with world changing things that often #like yes the bureau took on the cat kingdom to save haru #but there's a reason TBF never really had reality-shattering finales like doctor who #it's very rarely a case of 'if the bureau fails the whole universe breaks'#usually the finales are rooted in big character decisions #partly because I just don't have the headspace to write the equivalent of the darleks or cybermen taking over the universe #but also because the bureau is just a handful of cats and creations and humans #and I like the idea that they're helping through small moments #tbh I've tried to make every TBF finale focus on character moments #so S1 was about baron given the option for humanity #S2 was about Haru Baron and Muta's shared history #S3 was about Louise #S4 was about Haru choosing to be with the Bureau again #and S5 was about Baron and his emotional constipation #and also Toto struggling with protecting the Bureau #I guess it's been majorly influenced by RTD doctor who compared to Moffatt's era #I don't really have a big character development in mind for S6 #mostly because it's probably going to be lighter in tone #more like S1 #partly thanks to Louise and partly thanks to the new Sanctuary

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simsadventures · 5 years ago

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After All: Chapter 11: I’m Good, We’re Good

Summary:Your friendships with Bucky grows every single day, and you couldn’t be happier about it. Even in the bad times.

Warnings: fluffity fluff, probably some swearing, you know me, nightmares, mentions of PTSD, little angst I guess

Word Count: 3180

A/N: I just wanted to do a friendly episode, full of fluff and sunshine, ‘cause I feel like we all deserve it after the emotional rollercoaster. And then the beginning happened. Well… What did you guys think? Let me know xx

Series Masterlist __ Masterlist

< Previous Chapter

It’s been a month since Bucky surprised you with the sweet little picnic date outside the compound, and things were getting better and better. You and Bucky started spending more and more time together, to the point where even your colleagues in the lab were beginning to question you about the relationship you two had.

At first, it was fairly easy to tell them off, swearing that it was just a very good friendship, but lately, you weren’t so sure anymore. There was still nothing romantic or sexual going on between the two of you, but the need to deepen the relationship was a constant presence lately.

You still wanted to give yourself a little more time to heal and to see Bucky in a light that you’ve never seen him. Not only was he funny (you already knew that), but he was so gorgeously sweet and kind that it took your breath away sometimes. It was in little things that you saw just how good of a person he really was, no matter what he thought of himself.

Your sleepovers were getting more frequent, and it was getting quite usual that Bucky slept at your place even on workdays, having to run to his own room in the morning to at least change the clothes, so that the team wouldn’t give him too much hell. It still didn’t work, thanks to the cameras installed across the whole compound. Tony found out that Bucky was sneaking out of your room one morning and showed the footage to the entire team. Bucky was blushing so hard he thought his face would catch on fire. There were knowing smirks on all of the faces in front of him, and it was quite useless to try and tell them that it’s not what it looks like. Bucky wished it was, but he didn’t want to push you.

Sam and Steve would make fun of him for days, making smooching noises whenever Bucky was in a hearing distance. They were genuinely acting like two five-year-olds. They even tried it once in front of you, but the cold stare you gave them was one to haunt their dreams, so they shut up quickly and scattered away. You didn’t mind, though. Let people think what they want, as long as you and Bucky know your truth.

You were glad that Bucky spent his nights with you, because a) you were selfish and you just slept better with him cuddling you and b) you knew it was good for him as well. It was something Bucky didn’t talk about often, but you knew that nightmares still haunted him. Back from the time of war, from the first time, HYDRA abducted him and did some experiments on him, but mostly from the time, he would like to erase from his life. The Winter Soldier times. You knew it was a difficult and painful topic for him, so you usually didn’t open it up, unless it directly involved you.

Like the one night. Bucky was comfortably snuggled against your back, his right arm comfortably hanging on your hip. You were deep in your sleep when suddenly a movement startled you awake. You looked around the room, trying to figure out what century it was. When you finally understood that you were home, you looked at the nightstand where your alarm clock was standing and read that it was only 2:28 AM. You couldn’t understand why you’d wake in this unholy hour when you felt your hip being squeezed to the point where it actually hurt.

You look at Bucky to see what was going on and understood immediately. He was still laying on his side, his arm still around you, but this time it was tightly wounded around you, his metal hand opening and closing behind his head. You looked into his face, and although he was still asleep, his face was contorted in a pained expression. His breathing was heavy, filling the silent room with anxiety. You could see that he was having a nightmare, but you had no idea how to wake him up gently. You were well aware of the dangers that might await you, but you couldn’t watch him suffer so.

You ran your fingers across his face, caressing his cheek and jaw, and going back up to his temple. “It’s ok, Bucky. I’m here, we’re at the compound together. You can wake up, Buck. You’re safe.” And all that, just to ensure he wasn’t startled. Well, safe to say you didn’t succeed.

You didn’t know what woke him exactly, but in one swift movement, you were pushed on your back, your hands pinned above your head, and his metal arm snaking around your neck. Your eyes almost fell out of the sockets, that’s how much pressure he used. You tried not to panic and think. His eyes were open, but you would bet he wasn’t seeing you in front of him. In his mind, you were one of his missions, and you were posing as a threat to his disoriented brain.

You took as deep of a breath as you could, smiled warmly and let your body go lax, letting Bucky know that you were no threat to him. “It’s me, Bucky. Y/N. You know me, baby. Try and wake up and see me. I don’t want to hurt you, I would never hurt you. I care about you, Bucky, just as much as you care about me. Please, baby, wake up.” Your voice was barely above a whisper, both from the stress and the obstacle of a metal arm closing your throat. He blinked a few times as if the mist in front of his eyes was clearing, and when he saw the scene in front of him, he jumped off of you.

He was now panting heavily, his whole body shaking. You coughed a little, trying to regain your normal breathing. You touched your neck and knew that it would bruise in the morning based on how much it hurt. But you put that all aside and crawled towards Bucky, whose eyes were on the sheets now, his arms hugging his body.

You touched his cheek, and he flinched, which made you flinch as well. You weren’t scared of him, but you weren’t sure if he was really awake and if he would listen to you. His eyes saddened even more if it was possible. He made himself believe that you were afraid of him, and he couldn’t believe what he just did.

“I’m dangerous, doll. I’ m-I’m sorry that I put you through that, I won’t ever-“

“Shhh,” you said and despite his protests cradled his face in your arms, and pull him softly towards you, so that your foreheads were touching. He was still breathing as if he ran a marathon, and despite not being enhanced, you could hear his heart beating like a crazy from where you were sitting. “Watch my breath and try and match it, Bucky. Easy. In, out, in, out,-“he didn’t fight you on it and just did what he was told. You breathed with him until you were 100% sure his heart wouldn’t burst out.

But even then, you didn’t let go. His eyes were closed, and his body was still slightly shaking, but you could see that he was getting it all under control. “I’m so sorry, doll. I never meant to hurt you, but I just-“Tears were welling up in your eyes, seeing this strong soldier, this hero so vulnerable in your arms was breaking your heart. You needed to make sure he knew he was safe in your arms and always would be.

“You didn’t hurt me, Bucky. But if you wanna talk about it, I’m here, you know that, right?” He huffed out and dared to pull away a little to check on your neck in the dark room only illuminated by the light of the moon. “Your neck is bruised already, how the hell can you say that I didn’t hurt you?” His sadness and regret were now transforming into anger directed at himself. You quickly grabbed his hand, so that he didn’t have stupid ideas like running away from you.

“It might be bruised, but you know me, I slap my thigh a little harder, and it bruises, it’s no big deal. And before you say anything, it really isn’t. You listened to my voice, and you woke up, so stop blaming yourself for something that you can’t really control.”

He buried his face in your neck and breathed. You let your fingers play with his hair and scratch his scalp because you knew it always calmed him down. “I thought I was back in Russia. I saw the face of one of my trainers, and I just couldn’t hold myself.”

“Was it a memory or wishful thinking?”

“Memory. He was the one putting my body through most of the shit, he would whip me to obedience, that’s why I have some of those little scars on my back. But because I heal so quickly, most of them were gone before our next training. When I got the chance, I killed him. I’m not proud of it, but-“

“Shhh, it’s ok. He hurt you, baby, he deserved to die, and he is lucky you got to him first, ’cause I’d take much longer before I’d sent him to hell.” Bucky chuckled lightly, and you knew that the worst was over. He hugged you tighter, revelling in the feeling of your body against his.

“Don’t you wanna go and have the neck checked? Just in case. I wouldn’t want you to have some permanent damage because of me.” You had to smile at him.

“I’m fine, really, scout’s honour! I’m good, we’re good, you hear me?”

You searched your face, looking for any sign of fear or anxiety created by the closeness between the two of you. “I’m not scared of you, Bucky. Not in this sense. Am I scared you’ll break my heart? Hell yeah. But I know you would never hurt me intentionally. You ain’t getting rid of me that easily.”

He nodded, deep in his thoughts. You kissed his cheek and smiled at him. “It’s still pretty early, or very very late, depends. So how about we steal a few more hours of sleep before we have to face the world?”

—-

You and Bucky slept till 10, and because it was Sunday morning, nobody really gave a shit. You woke up sooner than him, your bladder screaming to be relieved, and when you were washing your hands, your eyes inevitably fell to your neck.

It wasn’t a pretty sight, and you knew that Bucky would be kicking himself for this for weeks. You knew you had to cover it up somehow, and a turtle neck wasn’t an option in 80F. You tried to put some make-up on it, but nothing really worked, and you dreaded the moment Bucky woke up.

You could hear him groaning even before you saw his sleepy eyes and rustled hair. “Morning, Sleeping Beauty. You gotta get up if we want to go out with the other around noon.” You reminded him and looked as if he had to think about what it was that you so desperately wanted to see. And then he remembered and grinned. An amusement park. The team never really had a chance to do anything fun, so an amusement park was a good way to unwind a little.

Bucky smiled at you, but then he caught a glimpse of your neck, and his smile fell. He jumped out of bed, and despite the protests you were voicing quite loudly, he wouldn’t let you get rid of him. He inspected, and you could see the regretful look sneaking back to his beautiful face.

“Stop doing this to yourself, Bucky. I’m fine, really, and I’m gonna wear a scarf or something so that you don’t have to stare at it the whole afternoon.”

“I just hate the fact that it was me who did this to you! I mean, if you showed me your neck, and told me that some motherfucker did this to you, I’d kill him, but like this? I just- I don’t know how to express you my regret about last night. It won’t ever happen again.”

What won’t happen again? You having a PTSD, or you sleeping in my bed? And if I were you, I’d think about your answer for a bit. Because I know about your nightmares and we can make it out together, but if you aren’t ever next to me, then I can’t help you.”

You just wanted Bucky to realise that you didn’t care. Sure, you were scared at the moment, but you knew you could get him out of it, and if not by yourself, that therapy would do the trick.

He unexpectedly hugged you, resting his head on top of yours, caressing the back of your head. “If you think that we can get through it together, then I’m all in, doll. I just hate seeing you in any kind of pain. And I hurt you too much already.”

You shushed him. “I don’t wanna hear any more of this, ok? Let’s enjoy the afternoon, please. You can redeem yourself by winning some flower or a plush toy, think you can do that, Sergeant?”

“You bet your cute ass I can. I’ll win every damn thing there is!

—-

Bucky stayed true to his words, because, naturally, he excelled on all the shooting ranges, so not only did he win multiple roses for you, he also won the ultimate prize of the day, and you were now dragging an almost 6 feel tall bear behind you. The team was so carefree, and you loved the change of environment and could see that it suited them really well.

People raised their eyebrows because of your scar, but nobody dared to ask you. They all probably thought you just had a big-ass hickey that you tried to cover. And you were ok with that. You just wanted Bucky to forget about the night, enjoy the afternoon with his friends and not care about his past for a second.

He, Steve and Sam were currently on a gigantic pendulum ride, which your stomach hated even from the ground. You were sure that if you were to step on that thing, you’d actually die there. Bruce and Tony were on a Pirate Ship, just like the two kids they were. The rest of the team was scattered around the park, and you were patiently waiting on Bucky. You could see that neither of them was that preoccupied with the ride, and they were just chatting.

You rolled your eyes at them. Damn superheroes, they can’t even have fun properly! You thought and laughed to yourself a little. As you were watching the ride, you could see from the corner of your eye, that a guy stood next to you, and that he was trying to be as invisible as he could while he checked you out.

He probably liked what he saw, because out of nowhere, he put a hand in front of your face and waved. It startled you a little, but you smiled at him politely and then diverted your eyes back to the ride. You could see that it was in the last section of its swinging time and that the boys would be getting off any time.

The body probably didn’t get the message, because now he was talking. “Hey, pretty girl. You here alone?” You smiled politely again and shook your head. “Nope, I’m here with my friends actually.”

He was now standing really close to you, and all you wanted to do was roll your eyes at him and make him leave. “Don’t you wanna have the ride of your life?” You frowned a little and gave him a confused look. “Excuse me? No, I don’t think I want that.”

“Haha! I mean, if you don’t want to go on some ride with me, sweetheart?”

You smiled again, but this time even this thick-skulled idiot had to see how forced it was. “No, thank you. I’m waiting for my friends, and we’re about to go on a ride together.” It was only when he touched the small of your back that you scrunched your face and pushed him away. What you didn’t see, was Bucky and his angry face coming your way.

“What’s the problem here? You ok, doll?” Bucky asked worriedly and turned to face the guy, standing between you and the douchebag.

“We’re good, Buck. Let’s go. Some guys just don’t understand that no means no.”

The guy probably knew who Bucky was, and even if he didn’t, Bucky’s posture was intimidating enough, even without prior knowledge. It was when the guy looked over his shoulder and saw Captain American and Falcon standing there, that he understood that he really chose a bad girl to try and push into something. He squeaked his apology and ran away.

“You sure you’re good, Y/N? I could’ve kicked his ass for you.”

“Imma kick your ass if you don’t go to that merry-go-round as you promised!” He chuckled, completely relaxed now that you were in his arms again, and led you to the ride.

“The view’s beautiful, don’t you think?” You gushed, looking at the outlines of New York in front of you. “Yeah, never seen anything prettier,” Bucky whispered right into your ear. When you looked at him, he was staring at you already.

“You’re being cheesy, old man! But thank you.”

“I can’t help, the cheesiness comes out whenever I’m around you. And there’s plenty where that came from.”

You laughed and pecked his cheek. “I think we should have a night full of cheesy one-liners, trying to out-do each other.”

Bucky hugged you tighter and laughed with you. “Oh, you’re on, doll! By the way, can we talk about what you called me when we first woke up today?”

Oh, snap! So he noticed, you thought. You tried to play dumb, even though you knew it was a battle already lost.

“What do you mean, like when I called you Buck? I do that all the time, your memory is leaving this world!”

“Haha, yeah, really funny, smartass. You know exactly what I’m talking about! You called me baby, over and over again.” He was smirking at you stupidly, and you just wanted to slap it away or kiss it away… You weren’t quite sure yet.

“If it bothers you so much, m’Lord, it won’t happen again.” This little commented resulted in Bucky pinching your side, and you smacking his chest.

“I loved it, I could definitely get used to it.” He whispered, his voice suddenly much lower than before.

“We’ll see about that… baby.” You winked at him and got out of the cart because the ride was over. “Wait you, little minx, you just wait!” Bucky yelled and ran to your side.

/ Next Chapter >

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scarletwillowtree · 4 years ago

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The Soldier and The Artist ch4 (soulmate AU)

Pairing: Bucky x artist!reader

Warning: slight angst

Word count: 2,146

Summary: In a world where your soulmates first words show up on your skin once you meet, it’s not entirely common to actually meet the one you’re destined to be with. Though you’ve always held out hope, you never believed you would meet them, especially after you got your words but haven’t seen the man since. Now, working closely with The Avengers for a project Tony Stark himself requested you for, you’re closer to your soulmate than you ever expected.

A/N: Yes, hello! I am aliiiiive! My apologies to my readers, it’s been rough going for me for a while, but I have returned. Originally this chapter was VERY different, and the way I wrote it honestly made me hate the direction the story went, so I scrapped it and now I’m much happier. Chapter five is being rewritten as it’s the epilogue I had planned, but we’re almost there! I hope you enjoy my lovelies.

masterlist

As I watched Bucky walk off the jet, I could feel my heart speeding up. My face flushed as I felt my lips part and a harsh inhale past my teeth must have been heard by Steve still standing next to me as I could see his head turn to me from my peripheral vision. But none of that mattered. Not Steve, not the fact that I was standing on the roof of the compound still, not even that I was still dressed in my paint stained clothing.

All that mattered was Bucky, the man from the coffee shop, my soulmate. I couldn’t peel my eyes away from his steely blue ones as he made a beeline for me, never looking away from me. Once he finally reached us, I expected him to move for Steve, his life long best friend.

Surprising everyone in the area, Bucky reached out and pulled me into his arms where I immediately melted into his embrace, feeling him press his face into my hair with his mouth near my ear.

“I’ve been waiting so long for you, doll.” He whispered gently, his arms squeezing me slightly tighter as he did. We stood there for what could’ve been minutes or years, before a throat clearing to the side of us caused me to pull back enough to see who it was, Bucky’s grip loosening enough for that to happen but not letting me ago entirely.

“So uh, you two know each other?” Steve shifted awkwardly as he looked between me and his best friend, still wrapped in each other’s arms. Beyond Steve I could see who I guessed to be Sam and Thor standing there, both wearing teasing smiles while looking at the group that had gathered.

Looking back up at Bucky, I felt a warmth blossoming in my chest as my next words spilled from behind my lips with no fight or filter.

“We’re soulmates.”

***

After a lengthy talk in the communal kitchen, several cups of coffee, and a very awkward walk from the hangar, Steve sat across the bar from Bucky and myself. Everyone else had cleared out already after the initial announcement, too tired to unpack the full story yet.

“Gotta say, I’m happy you two found each other. Bucky here wouldn’t shut up about what you’d be like when we were younger (Y/N).”

“Alright punk, that’s enough about that. Why don’t you get lost for a while?”

Steve raised his hands in mock surrender as he stood and moved to leave the kitchen. At the last moment, he turned to face us at the bar, a genuine and soft smile on his face.

“Hey, (Y/N), treat him right okay?”

I smiled and gave him a nod in response before he finally left the room. I turned back to Bucky to see him shaking his head as he grumbles under his breath too low for me to understand.

“What was that, Buck?”

His face flushed as he looked up at me, his words only coming out barely above a whisper as his eyes darkened from their brilliant ocean blue.

“It’s not you he should be worried about.”

“What do you mean by that Bucky?” The worry in my chest began spreading quickly, hoping this wouldn’t be one of those instances where a soulmate rejects the bond.

“I’ve...I’ve done a lot of bad (Y/N). I could understand if you choose to leave, I’m damaged and I’ve hurt so many people...it wouldn’t be fair to you to be stuck with someone like me...with a monster.”

I felt my heart crack at his words, a few tears building on my lashes as I took a shaky breath before softly saying his name. When he didn’t look up, I placed my hand gently on his chin and raised his eyes to finally meet mine, the pain in his shining bright as fear mixed with it.

“James Buchanan Barnes, what you did as another person was beyond your control. Being damaged is part of being human, you just got a really bad lot in life. But look at what you’ve done to turn it around! You save lives and prevent wars now. From what Steve has told me of you, you are an incredible person with an amazing heart and you’d give anything for those you love. You. Are. Not. A. Monster. Okay?”

By now a few tears had fallen from your eyes, and his as well. He grabbed your hand from his chin, placing a kiss to your palm before letting out a shaky sigh.

“So...you’re not leaving? You’re not scared?”

“Bucky, the only thing that scares me is that I won’t be good enough for you. I’m just a normal person who loves to paint. I’m not skilled or super in any way.”

He laughed lightly at you, shaking his head as he stands and hugs you where you still sit, placing a gentle kiss to the top of your head.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, doll.”

***

As the weeks flew by, I continued the portraits and spent every spare minute with Bucky I could. I had been saving his portrait for last, even though I’d already had it mapped in my head from the first conversation we had that day in the kitchen. He’d tried to sneak peeks of the other paintings, but hadn’t been successful as I wanted them to be a surprise for everyone.

Now that I’d finally come to his portrait, my time at the compound was almost at an end. I had spoken with Tony and was welcome at any time, and I planned to stay an extra two weeks at the compound before flying back to DC. Back to my life.

As my mind became lost in the strokes of greys, steely blue, and streaks of gold I thought back on my time here. I had come to view these people as good friends, maybe even a second family. Thinking about having to leave them caused a weight in my chest that made it hard to breath.

Finally finished with the final painting of the collection, I set my brushes aside to be cleaned, knowing they wouldn’t dry too soon with the oils smeared across the canvas and my hands. With a heavy sigh I moved to a nearby table and grabbed my phone, knowing it was time for my weekly update with Hannah.

She’d been so excited for me when I told her about Bucky, nearly exploding at my over the phone in typical her fashion. For someone so small, she sure was one hell of a force of nature all her own.

“You better be calling to tell me you’ve finally slept with that fiiiiine hunk of man you get to call your soulmate, lady.”

“Sorry to disappoint, but we are actually taking it slow and he’s been a perfect gentleman, Hannah.”

She snorted into the phone before I heard the telltale sound of the bay doors in the workshop we shared back home. Didn’t feel like home anymore, not with Bucky being here.

“So, judging by the timeframe I guess you’re done and coming home soon, huh?”

“I’m planning on staying an extra two weeks actually...not ready to say goodbye just yet.”

“I can understand that boo. Good thing we run our own company then, right? No need to ask for the vacation time!”

“That’s true. I miss you Han. I hope things go well while I’m still gone.”

“Well, as it happens it’s vacation time for me too lady, so no need to worry about the company! Just relax, and in to weeks we can both come back refreshed, okay?”

“Alrighty. Thank you! I gotta go, but I’ll call soon okay?”

“Love ya, ya weirdo!”

With her final affections given in her typical fashion, Hannah hung up. I gave a sigh before heading out of the studio and to my designated room, which had been moved to the one next to Bucky’s once he came back. I hopped in the shower, letting the nearly scalding water pour over me and wash away the paint and stress of the day.

Soon enough I had to face the music and get out, wrapping myself in a large and fluffy towel before padding my way into my room. Over my weeks here, the room had really become personalized to me, I even had an easel in here near the window overlooking the city. I quickly dressed in some leggings and a longer tshirt, aiming for comfort more than appearance.

I headed back to the studio, cleaning my brushes first in the sink in the corner, laying them next to it to air dry before making my way back to the easel with the latest painting. I smiled softly, this was truly a masterpiece in my eyes, whether it was because of the subject of because I poured every ounce of emotion I had into it I wasn’t sure.

I began moving the paintings into the common area where Tony intended to hang them, moving fast to get them all up. I managed to somehow get all 10 hung before anyone came out, no small feat in this place since they were all back from missions for the moment.

“FRIDAY, could you ask everyone to come here please? Non-emergency though.”

“You got it, (Y/N).”

***

Not long after they’d been called, I watched as all 10 of my friends stared into their portraits. The emotions written on their faces were enough of a response for me, I didn’t need them to voice how they felt.

Tony’s was in brilliant and bold colors, reminiscent of a peacock. With vague white lines indicating the iron man mask overlaying his face and the arc reactor in his chest glowing with leds embedded in the canvas from behind.

Wanda’s painting was a black and white portrait of her smiling wide, a red stream flowing through the background as a ghostly transparent silhouette of her brother Pietro framed her position on the canvas.

Steve’s painting was a mix of charcoals and paints, his pose of him mid laugh at some silly story he’d been telling me of him and Bucky as kids. He looked carefree and relaxed, years younger than his guarded self.

Vision had a black and white painting as well, with silver and gold foiling filling the background and a few lines in front of him creating an intricate circuit board that seemed to stem from the resin crystal emulating the stone in his head.

Clint’s painting had been done in various darknesses of coffee, as nothing could fit him better. He was pictured mid sign, his hands blurred to capture his swift and erratic speech as best I could in a slice of time.

Nat was the only one with a full body, necessary for the ballet pose her body was held in. Reds and black dominated the painting, a peaceful smile on her lips as her body contorted in a graceful way. The tulle attached to the canvas gave depth to her painting more so than I had expected.

Bruce had another black and white portrait, his shy smile painted on his face and his glasses sliding down his nose. Behind him stood a whiteboard with equations I could never make sense of filling the space, though the shadow he cast on the board was undoubtedly that of the Hulk.

Thor had a greyscale painting too, with a pale blue and lavenders accenting it as the edges of the lightning surrounding him and flaring away from his eyes. He was dressed in his royal armor as always, but he wore a cocky smirk on his face, the same he usually sported.

Sam’s painting was made of varying metallic materials in the colors I needed, the textures letting lights shine off it in various ways depending on which angle you viewed it from, making it look like he was composed of fireworks. Like Steve, he was also laughing in his picture, that mischievous twinkle to his eye you’d seen plenty after he played one of his many pranks during your week together.

Finally was Bucky’s painting. His eyes were full of warmth and love, the unending depths of that steely blue leaping from the mostly grey painting. His face was framed by his long hair, and from behind that extended a halo of glittering gold. In that same gold paint a golden heart rested on the sleeve of the Henley he wore stretched tight across his muscles.

There were no words they could find to truly express how the paintings made them feel, but the tight hugs and repeated thanks I received were more than enough to tell me.

Now to enjoy my time before I have to go home. Before I have to leave Bucky.

************

next chapter >

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amoretheiwa · 4 years ago

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Why Dean’s Death Really Bothers Me, and Probably Always Will

*to my followers who have been bombarded with Supernatural content recently, woopsy and hello*

Don’t get me wrong, I am upset and confused and semi-happy about everything happening with Destiel, and how Supernatural ended in general. However, something I’ve seen touched on but not really discussed yet (and maybe I’m not looking in the right places) is how the ending of Dean’s narrative affects those who struggle with suicide/suicidal ideation (if I need to add a tag or censor anything differently please lmk). Yes, Castiel’s death and subsequent disappearance from the show is the Bury Your Gays trope through and through. And by not addressing Cas or his story again in the last episodes, by not writing his best friends of 10+ years even mentioning or mourning him more than once, twice, Castiel’s narrative and any representation was severely undermined.

Dean’s growth feels similarly ignored and disregarded to me. I’ve struggled with s**c*d*l ideation for years, even made plans. I’m an eldest daughter, bi, and can be self-destructive in unconventional ways. I share that because it’s just a few of the ways I’ve really connected to Dean Winchester on a personal level over the last 10 or so years of my life that I’ve actually been watching the show. It always hit me hard when Dean was a little s**c*d*al (or a lot), because I’ve felt that way. I saw myself in him. In Season 9 & 10, the entire Mark of Cain and Demon!Dean arc hit me so hard because I was in such a bad place and felt that lost, felt that debauched simply by existing, too. I felt as lonely and un-helpable as Dean was in that very ending moment. In Season 13, after Cas first comes back from the Empty, and Dean starts to drink way less and is all-around happier? I felt that in my soul. I’ve had people in my life that just being around them made the world a brighter place. In Season 15, as Dean grappled with the idea that his choices, his thoughts, his very soul were not his own--I’ve felt that.

Everything Cas said to Dean about not being a killer in S15x18, about being more than death, and being said from a place of pure love, brought so much peace to me (even with what happened immediately after). But the moment I learned how Dean died? And not in some heroic and ferocious “guns blazing” kind of way Jensen had previously predicted? But on some rusty rebar fighting vampires of all things? Suddenly all that growth, that healing that I had done alongside Dean felt a little bit worthless. It really made me question “if Dean doesn’t get the chance to live a happy life, if Dean only finds peace in dying, then what does that mean for me?”

I knew when Season 15 started that Dean was going to die. I knew it deep in my heart. I never expected it to be such a pitiful death though. To be so contradictory to the story I had been told. Dean survived hell and purgatory. Dean had been to heaven and back. He was so important to so. many. damn. people. He made such a difference both in the story and out of it. And then he died in what was honestly a kind of preventable way. He did nothing to fight it, nothing to fix it. And what hurt probably even more is that (despite Cas being dead/gone as far as he knew, which would any other time have equaled suicidal!Dean) Dean spent the whole time dying comforting Sam. He seemed a plot point, suddenly, in his brother’s life, and nothing more. And as a viewer who so strongly connected with him, I felt unimportant. I felt a brushed aside. I felt like my story, the one I had seen reflected in Supernatural off and on through the years, was just gone...worthless, even.

I’ll be the first to say that I projected onto him (maybe a little too much) like I might with any favorite character. But isn’t that part of why we tell stories and make characters like us? And tell the same stories over and over? It’s so that we can see people like us, who represent us, overcome the things we feel we can’t. So to anyone who looked to Dean Winchester as an example that you can make it through that dark night, as proof that the bad does get better, that you are strong and deserve to live, I’m sorry that the writers hurt you. I’m sorry that you feel gutted, like I do. And I’m sorry if you’re honestly still numb and in denial over how the great Dean Winchester who hunted God and killed Lucifer and was the Righteous Man died. But know that that changes nothing about how strong you are, how capable you are. Dean overcame so much for himself and for Sam and for Cas and for the world. You can overcome whatever it is you’re fighting right now. You are worthy of love, just like Dean is.

I can’t speak for anyone else, not really, but I’d be willing to guess there’s at least one other person out there who like me has been hit harder by this finale than we ever could have expected. If you don’t agree, that’s fine, but keep in mind that this is 1) an opinion and 2) others will see your words, regardless of if they are kind or not. Think about the impact you might have before speaking/posting/typing. Again, if I need to tag or censor more than I have, please say something! I don’t frequently post things of this nature and feel like a boomer with the tagging system

#tw suicide #cw suicide #supernatural #spn finale #spn 15 #spoilers #Dean Winchester

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turning-dreams-into-chaos · 5 years ago

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I knew

*Not my Gif*

Request: Hi I love your writing so can I request a Sirius Black x Hufflepuff! Reader where reader is James’ younger sister and Sirius and Reader like each other but they don’t know but everyone else does with a really protective James pls 🤗

Requested By: @nerdbookish

Request: Hey I read your one shots and they are super amazing and basically I love Sirius Black and yoy write him really well. So, I know he isn’t in the request list but could you please do 10 and 29 for Sirius and reader?

Requested by: @ateliergrey

10. “You’re lying? Why are you lying? What are you not telling me?”

29. “You’re bleeding. On my floor.”

Paring: Sirius Black x Reader, James Potter x Sister!Reader

Post Date: 6-4-19

Word Count: 1876

~Prompt List~

~Master List~

~Open Requests~

Your 7th year had finally come. You couldn’t have been happier at Hogwarts than you were with your twin brother James and his best friends. You were placed in Hufflepuff and they were all in Gryffindor, but they took you in during your 3rd year and since then you’ve all become inseparable. It was a little weird at first for James’ to have his sister hanging out with him and his best friends, but he got over it. Although he never gave up an opportunity to remind you of the fact he was older.

“James! Stop acting like a child!” you yelled as your brother stole a parchment from your pile dangling it around you as you watched him unimpressed. James just started laughing at you.

“Oh, come one Y/N. I’m not a child, I’m older, remember?”

“Yeah, well you won’t be older for much longer if you don’t give me back my bloody parchment.” You mumbled trying to knock him down. Sirius, your knight in shining armor, had watched with an amused face before deciding to come to your rescue.

“Ok Mate, you’ve had your fun, now give the girl her homework back.” Sirius said before James huffed and handed over the paper. Sirius took the paper before turning to you, graciously bowing then giving it to you. You smile at his ridiculous actions as you shake your head. You hadn’t realized the slight blush on your cheeks, but James had. He watched as Sirius’ gaze lingered on you when you turned away, and he most definitely noticed the smile across his face. He didn’t like it, you were his sister and he didn’t like the idea of anyone liking you. You both argued a lot and he would mess with you far to often for your liking, but he didn’t want to see you get hurt and having a boyfriend wasn’t going to make matters better. A few minutes later, Lily had rushed into the library yelling something frantically then pulling you along. James watched as you left before turning to Sirius.

“What’s your plan with my sister, Padfoot?” He said quickly causing Remus and Peter’s attention to shift to them. Sirius just looked at James with confusion across his face.

“What plan? What are talking about?” he asked glancing at Remus and Peter as well. James just scoffed as he leant in closer to the boy, causing him to lean closer in defiance.

“You fancy her, don’t you?” Now Sirius’ eyes were wide as if this was the most prosperous thing ever. His mouth fell open and closed trying to form words but falling short. James shook his head as he stood up, towering over the boy. “Padfoot, I’m not playing here. You hurt her, and I’ll let Moony here go after you next moon, which just happens to be tonight.” He said as Remus groaned, slamming his head down on the table. Sirius was worried, this was James they were talking about and he wouldn’t do that, but it was also you. And James would do anything to protect you. Sirius didn’t like you, you were like a sister to him, right? As James sat back down, not looking away from a very awkward Sirius, Remus and Peter were trying not to laugh.

“Prongs, if it makes matters better, I think your sister fancies him as well.” Remus said, causing Peter to finally break out in laughter as both their eyes shot open and heads spun to face him. He tried to hold back his laughter once again but the smile he had was not helping. “I might have brought up the topic to her the other day.” He started as Peter’s cackles filled the air earning several shushes from the kids around them.

“What do mean she fancies me? She can’t fancy me, we’re friends. Just friends!” Sirius whispered, a little more on the loud side but still a whisper. His eyes darted between James’ shocked ones and Remus’ smug ones, waiting for more information.

“I told her I thought you and her had some… connection that she didn’t have with the rest of us and she practically flipped out the same as you are now. I can’t believe neither of you realized anything, Peter and I have been talking about it for, well I guess years now.” He said, Peter shaking his head in agreement. Sirius sat in silence at this new revelation, James still didn’t like it and he made it quite clear, staring at Sirius until it was almost nightfall. The four boys gathered their things, quickly heading out to the shrieking shack before it was to late. These night were never easy, and tonight was no exception, Remus transformed as well as the other 3 and they began their long night.

The next morning you woke up to the moans of an unknown person. You knew you were the only person in your room as your roommates had all spent the night in the common room, and they said they weren’t planning to come back up the next morning. You sat up in your bed, scanning for the person before you saw a bloodied and moaning Sirius laying on your floor. You didn’t know how to feel when you saw him, your eyes blinking as they adjusted to the sight.

“You’re bleeding. On my floor. Right, okay… OH MY GOD SIRIUS YOU’RE BLEEDING!” you said, your breathing becoming more and more difficult to do as you look at his mauled leg. You didn’t want him to see you yelling right after this, so you tried to calm down. “What the bloody hell happened.?”

“Ughh, just… just help me, Y/N. Please.” He said, moving up against the wall as you looked for something to quickly wrap around his leg. You acted quick, pulling a discarded shirt from the floor. He watched as you tied it, making sure it was tight around his leg.

“Ok, we have to take you to the nurse. She’ll definitely be able to do something more than I can.” You picked him up, swinging his arm over your shoulder as you helped he walk, careful not to let him walk on his bad leg. He watched you, trying to keep his mind off the injury. He wasn’t sure how he ended up there. He remembers getting hurt but nothing after that. He didn’t mind though, he kept thinking back on what his friends said, maybe just maybe he liked you in a more than friend type of way. His thoughts were interrupted when you arrived at the hospital wing, you threw him down on a bed, quickly apologizing when he groaned in pain. The nurse had come over and took a look at his leg, you pulled up a chair beside him and leaned onto the mattress, not touching him but close enough. Sirius’ breathing quickened when you got closer. He didn’t know what changed, yesterday you were just a friend and now all of a sudden you made his heart race? What changed, or did he always feel that way and just never realized it. He looked up at you as you bit your bottom lip, worried about the boy next to you.

“Ok, let’s distract you. uhhh… how did you get into my room? I mean, past the Hufflepuff common room?” you said hoping that he won’t pay attention to what the nurse was doing.

“I uhh, I don’t know. I was just there, I guess.” He grunted. You looked down at him, confused at his statement.

“You don’t know? Ok fine. What happened? How did you get- you know” your hands gestured to his leg as you frowned again. You hoped that the answer he could give you now was better than ‘I don’t know’. When he didn’t answer you, you moved away from the bed, a little jumbled as to why he wasn’t answering.

His eyes harden as he cleared his throat, looking away from your face, “I fell down the stairs, got scrapped up.” His voice showing his discomfort. You frowned again but said nothing, just waiting until the nurse left you alone.

“You’re lying. Why are you lying? What are you not telling me?” you said, standing over the boy. He didn’t look up, fiddling with his fingers as you rolled your eyes, falling back down into the chair with a sigh. “Oh, come on Padfoot! James is my brother! You don’t think I hadn’t realized James is an Animagus, Peter’s an Animagus, you’re an Animagus, and Remus is a- “

“Animagus?” He said quickly hoping that you hadn’t figured everything out.

“No, I was going to say Moony’s a werewolf.” His eyes nearly doubled at your words.

“You knew?”

“Of course, I knew. Your nicknames are a dead giveaway.” He just stared at you, unable to come up with anything. This whole time you knew and didn’t say anything. You even knew about Remus’ lycanthropy, he was just surprised. When he asked you if James told you, you shook your head.

“No… No, it was actually something Peter said a while ago. Something about getting Remus safe for the night. You know, he really isn’t good at keeping secrets, but don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. Padfoot.” You laughed as he laughed, somehow amongst the hilarity his hand found yours, giving it a little squeeze. Your cheeks started to blush once more as you remembered you talk with Remus. He was right, you liked him. you just didn’t want to admit it at first, but you knew deep down, it was true. He was also right about Sirius, and like you he didn’t realize it but now he did, and he wasn’t going to deny it.

“I like you.” he blurted out, mouth speaking faster than his brain could think. Your breath hitched as you smiled, letting out a gentle giggle Sirius realized he loved it so much. Your fingers graced the back of his hands as you leaned over kiss him. As soon as his lips hit yours the doors busted open, 3 sore boys came flying towards you only to stop at the scene. You pulled away, unsure of what to tell them.

“H-hey James. Uhh- so what’s up?” you asked, trying to divert the attention away from you and Sirius, unaware of the fact that your hands were still connected. Sirius couldn’t help the cheeky grin on his face as he looked up at you. Your eyes glancing worriedly between the boys. Without wasting another second, he pulled you back for another kiss as the boys just stared. James was shocked while Remus and Peter were proud. They always thought you both made a good couple and now they were sure.

“Alright, Alright, stop snogging my sister. You can date but my threat from earlier still stands Padfoot.” James grumbles as he turns to leave, dragging the other boys along. You turned to look at Sirius, unsure of what just happened.

“Threat? What did he say?” you asked as Sirius just chuckled.

“I’ll explain it later, love. Right now, maybe you could help distract me from the pain in my leg.” He said as he pulled you over him, you straddle him as your hands fell onto his chest. You chuckled before leaning down, smiling into a kiss.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

FEEDBACK IS WELCOMED!!

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cannot-decide-on-a-fandom · 5 years ago

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Haikyuu Team Headcanons

I just kind of wanted to make my own list as there's a lot of them. Honestly, I read all 360+ chapters in 3 weeks, so I can't remember every bit of information so some of these may actually be either confirmed or disprovable, so sorry.

KARASUNO

Noya is ALWAYS the first to wake up. Whenever the team have to sleep at the same place, they're tempted to smother him to shut him up in the mornings.

Speaking of mornings, Hinata can barely function before food. The only time you can undoubtedly catch him being grumpy is before breakfast.

Also, unless he's very wound up, Yamaguchi can sleep anywhere. Literally. That boy could fall asleep on a roller coaster if he's tired enough.

Suga is the best prankster on the team. Others like Tanaka do it more often, but they're always practical jokes and things, while everyone lives in fear of Suga. He doesn't do anything often, but he's devious as hell, so when he does, the only reassurance they have is that he wouldn't do anything that will leave lasting damage.

He also knows everything about every single team member. He's too nice to do anything nefarious with it, but if pushed, you can damn well bet he'd be able to hold it over their heads if he chose to.

Tsukishima is shockingly patient and nice to little kids. People only start to piss him off when they're around 10, and he only shows it when they're teenagers.

Ennoshita, being actually smart and responsible, only ever agrees to bets he is 1000% sure he'll win. Hasn't failed yet.

Kageyama is a surprisingly good dancer, he just doesn't care for it at all. He simply thinks if he ever has to do it for whatever reason, better to get it over with by doing it well.

Tanaka wanted to get piercings at one point because they look cool, until the entire team convinced him it's a bad idea considering how aggressively he plays volleyball. He'd forget to remove them first and rip them out.

Whenever Shoyo plays something with Natsu that involves running, he barely even jogs anymore. This is because he used to go really fast, but Natsu kept trying to keep up and hurt herself by falling so often.

Kinoshita may be reserved usually, but if he's in the zone, he'll try and annihilate anyone at anything. There's an agreement between Nekoma and Karasuno to never let him and Kenma be alone together because if Kinoshita is in the right mood, they'll compete with video games til 3 am.

Tsukki actually really likes pop music but no one on the team (other than Suga and Yamaguchi) knows because he never let's anyone else listen and refuses to say what he listens to.

Tanaka claims he likes horror movies the most. Asahi likes them the least.

Actually, their favourite film genres are like this: Daichi - spy movies (I spent so long thinking about his, and I'm still not convinced myself. He's hard), Suga - drama comedies, Asahi - family and slice of life films (he really likes happy endings), Noya - canonically over the top action films, Tanaka - action too, Ennoshita - crime films and mysteries (he's practically the team's psychic already, he's great at solving mysteries himself), Kinoshita - disaster movies, Narita - parody films, Kageyama - doesn't have one, does not watch films enough to have one, Hinata - sport and really, really cliché comedies, Tsukishima - just Jurassic Park. That's a genre, right? Okay, kidding. He likes zombie movies, and he's the type of person who constantly points out how ridiculously stupid every action characters take in films are. Yamaguchi - nothing dark, he prefers lighter, happier things, but will happily watch anything like that, Yachi - anything animated, Kiyoko - documentaries, Ukai - war films, Takeda - musicals. Not sure why, just felt right.

***

NEKOMA

Let's discuss pranks with this team as well. A few people used to play them on Yaku a lot until they realised how vicious his comebacks are. Whereas Yamamoto always does very "only really happens in movies" pranks, like a pie to the face, Yaku's retaliation is always barely on the okay side of legal. Now the only time anyone does anything to him is if they're sure he won't be able to guess who is responsible.

In his second year, Kuroo invited every first year recruit at the start of their course to hang out. This was originally to help Kenma make friends (he'll never push him but he'll try and encourage him) but it simply helped everyone else acquaint with each other. Since he wants his team to generally work well together, he did it in his 3rd year with the new rookies too.

Shibayama accidentally got like half the team wrapped around his finger. This is because he's so sweet and never asks for anything, it worked counter intuitively and now most people would pretty much do anything to help him. The poor kid feels so awkward and guilty about it. Deserves love.

Kenma is naturally really talented at so many things but he never bothers with them. He even has a rather good singing voice but even he doesn't realise because he never uses it.

Kai learned to turn a blind eye to every argument that doesn't feel like it could end in the hospital because he spent 3 years with Kuroo and Yaku.

Fukunaga actually does like communicating with people, just not by talking. Because of that, no one notices when he's trying to, so he just listens instead.

Lev and Inuoka have no sense of privacy or oversharing. They would easily give away their deepest, darkest secrets if they weren't so pure that they didn't have any. They don't even consider shutting up as an option.

Whenever Yaku kicks/slaps/punches anyone, the rest of the team always make bets as to when he'll do it again.

Kenma told him this because it's so stupid.

Now, whenever Yaku manages to listen in, he always makes sure Lev loses.

The first time Akane and Alisa met, Yamamoto almost started a fist fight with Lev over who has the better sister, before realising how well they got on. Then he felt really bad because Alisa is actually very nice and kind.

Kuroo once turned off the WiFi at his house to get Kenma to practice with him. He hasn't tried it since because it turns out, he CAN get mad and is freaking terrifying when doing so.

Yamamoto is both the best and worst advice giver on the team. Either his suggestions are amazing and would turn out great, or no one should go near them with gardening gloves and a 10 foot pole. No in between.

***

I only have a couple for this team so I apologise

FUKURODANI

Akaashi is internally very amused by Bokuto whenever he gets riled up. It's frustrating in matches, but he finds it hilarious outside of them even if he doesn't show it. It's one of the reasons he always makes snide digs at him, because seeing someone who is one of the top aces in the country act like that is very entertaining to him.

However, whenever something happens that the team feels could genuinely upset him more than a little, every single person helps devise a method of keeping that information from reaching his ears.

The team is not allowed to play any party games, especially involving dares, because one half will take it too seriously, while the other will be left to make sure nobody dies.

What do you think? Just had some fun with these.

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purplesurveys · 5 years ago

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778

Do you have unlimited texting? This is normally the case but because of the quarantine and school closing down, I’ve had no reason to keep texting people. But yeah, I used to get unlimited texting at the start of the week.

What are you listening to right now? I can hear my dad chopping in the background as he’s making dinner, and the dining room TV playing on my right.

Whose bed did you sleep on last night? My own. The first good sleep I’ve had in weeks, and I actually pulled out my blanket.

Have you ever slept a whole day away? I have but it’s very seldom. I hate wasting away a whole day, no matter how tired I was the day before.

Will you keep your last name when you get married? I’ll hyphenate so that I keep my middle initial and last name, and I’ll be able to get my new last name as well.

Do you think you’ll have the same best friend a year from now? Idk man, crucial times ahead what with growing up and the possibility of taking grand opportunities and stuff. For the first time ever I’m not so sure I’ll still keep the same friends I have now.

Have you ever thought about getting your tongue pierced? I’ve thought about it as a rebellious, angsty teen lol but I was never hell-bent on getting one. I remember leaning more towards a lip ring or nose stud.

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes cigarettes? It used to until I realized that I didn’t want to be that girlfriend that prohibits my SO from doing stuff, so eventually I had to let it go. Now the only time it would matter to me is if I notice they smoke one too many cigarettes.

Is there someone you wish you were still close with? Kinda, but I’m not super sad or resentful about it. I miss Chelsea and Kaira, but I’m okay with our only interactions being liking and sharing each other’s posts these days. I’m not desperate to be as close as we were, and all I want is for them to be happy where they are now.

If you could go back in time and change things, would you? This question is very broad lmao and yes, there’s always a thing or two everyone wants to change. I wish I made friends earlier in college so that I didn’t have an awful first year, for one.

Do you want to get married? I do.

How many times have you really truly been in love? Just once.

Do you think you’ve ruined your chances with someone? No. As much as possible I don’t like losing in every sense of the word hahaha, so I made sure I didn’t waste my chances with Gab while they were already in front of me. Whether it turned out for the good or bad, my mindset about it is that at least I got to say “I gave it a shot.”

Do you know what it’s like to be truly happy? Not consistently. I have days where my happiness is through the roof, but they are brief and quick. I still have to work my way around life a bit to figure out how to be happy for a longer time.

Are you able to grab your cell phone without moving from where you are? Yes. I don’t even have to stretch my hand much.

Have you ever stayed up at night waiting for someone to call/text you back? Maybe in high school. I like my sleep time these days lol

Is there something you’re looking forward to? They’ve already loosened lockdown rules in my province and anyone aged 21-60 can go out now provided it’s for an essential errand. Now I’m just waiting for something urgent to come up and I’m back on the road aaaahhhhh.

Is there someone you’re attracted to? Yes, very.

Was yesterday/last night enjoyable for you? It was different and quite enjoyable, yes. The weather was a lot colder last night because a typhoon that briefly passed by, which meant it’s the first time we got cold air since like February. I felt more relaxed than usual and I even watched a couple of episodes of Descendants of the Sun hehehehe

Want someone or something you can’t have? I want things to be back the way they were, but that is obviously not happening for a while.

Something that happened today that made you angry? Mmm I guess the time I was venting to Gab about a problem of mine this afternoon and she chimed in with input that I thought wasn’t 100% sensitive and worsened my anxieties. I know it hadn’t been ill-intentioned, but I was still thrown off by it and I called her out.

Is there someone who you’d never thought you’d be friends with, but are now? Andrew. I spent a lot of time avoiding them from 2017-2018 because I found them too extroverted/invasive, but they were very persistent so one day I just gave up and let them into my circle lmao. No regrets though, they’re an amazing amazing friend.

Is there someone you thought you would never lose, but are gone now? Oh yeah. My high school friends and my old best friend, Sofie. I also thought Katreen was for keeps, but she gradually distanced herself from me through college. I don’t resent her for it though, she looks happier now than she ever was in high school and I’m glad she’s that way.

Who did you first see this morning besides family? I haven’t been out today so I’ve only seen family.

Is there anybody you wish you could be spending time with right now? Gabie.

Are all of your friends in relationships? Most of them are single, but a handful are in relationships.

Who is the last friend you saw? Gabie.

Do you have a best friend? Yes.

Where were you at 11 pm? Last night I think I was watching wrestling videos in my bedroom. Right now it’s only 10:09 PM.

Do you believe exes can be friends? They can but most of the time it’s never been the same experience. I’ve never heard of a breakup that was amicable enough that the couple was able to retain the exact same friendship they had before breaking up.

What color do you want to dye your hair? Dark green.

Do you think someone is thinking about you? It’s possible, but I doubt it. I haven’t been talking to people tonight.

Ever talked on the phone for more than 4 hours? No. When I have calls with my girlfriend that last for hours we usually just stay on the line in silence while we do our own thing, and that doesn’t really count as ‘talking on the phone.’

Are you basically a happy person? I’m a put-together person. I know how to look my 100% in public. But I’m not always happy.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? I hope so.

Does the last person you kissed mean anything to you? Yeah, everything.

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell anything to? I certainly feel this way with Andrew as I find them to be a safe space. But I just choose to not tell them everything since I don’t count them as a best friend.

Are you Asian? Very.

Last movie you saw in theater? Knives Out, last December.

Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? I objectively could. I’m not dependent on it or anything. But it would suck lol

Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone? Many times.

Have you ever slept in the same bed with the last person you kissed? Yes, we get to do that sometimes. But we don’t do sleepovers often at my place so that my parents won’t start thinking that something’s up with us; and we don’t do sleepovers often at her place because I’m on very good terms with her parents and I don’t want to abuse it by constantly staying in their daughter’s room and obviously having sex with her under their roof lol

Could you last in a relationship for over a year? Duh.

Your phone is ringing. It’s your ex. What do you say? No ex.

Do you hate the last person you kissed? Not at all.

In the past 5 months, kissed anyone with the name starting with an J? Nope.

Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes? It’s not my strongest suit so I don’t get compliments on my eyes in general. I do get compliments on my eyelashes because they’re super long, and apparently people are into that haha.

#survey #surveys

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migleefulmoments · 5 years ago

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“Precious little d. Either embarrrssed about talking about sex or it had been quite some time, and if it had been a long time, that seems quite inconsistent with the PR story that was starting to ramp up as this was not long before confirmation day and the I’m a straight man with a gf tour.” Gawd is she serious lols. Darren loves a naughty pun so why would be embarrassed to talk about sex. And seeing as Abby has probably never had sex she should probs keeps quiet.

Darren embarrassed to talk about sex? HE WROTE “ME AND MY DICK”!!!!!! He has a bar called Tramp Stamp Grannies which serves drinks called boob soup...there is no way in hell he was embarrassed. Like who the hell is she thinking about when she says that? Herself? Kurt with his “because of the layers” conversation? Certainly not Darren Criss.

The clip is here (X) so you don't have to watch the entire episode.

He says ‘who me” and takes a heart beat to answer - Kathy makes another joke and he says “IDK...IDK, yesterday?” to which Kathy says “because I would think playing a gay guy but being a hot straight guy, you must get a ton of pussy” and he says “Well I mean, well I mean, I don’t want to embarrass Lily...” In fact Darren says “yeah, yeah” while Kathy is saying this. He wasn’t silent and trembling in the corner while Lily saved him. IDK what video you were watching. Kathy wasn’t outing him she was making a joke about how much pussy he gets being straight and hot but playing a gay guy. How do the ccers get everything so wrong? Oh right- they cut the clip, slow it down, make a gif which Abbys calls

““Little bonus:”

Keep reading some high-end nonsense-I commented on some of the nonsense but I only made the comments regarding this video “bold”.

Anonymous asked:

For some reason KGriffin has been on my mind today. Her infamous interview asking D about vaginal sex. Dude looked like he was going to come out of his skin. Another thing as close as C is with her I’ve seen a lot of pics with him at her house at parties without the boyfriend.

Oh you mean this classic moment? An interview just a few short months after the woman he had been betrothed to since birth moved to LA and you’d think the answer would be frequent and all time and not something that would completely fluster him. So much so that L/ily had to step in and save him.(Yes, because everyone wants to say “frequently and all the time” about their girlfriend who just moved to town. Classy. Lily didn’t “step in and save him”. You should have watched the video again before you write about it.)

You can always see his brain spinning, thinking “can I say 3 years ago before I became Co/lfersexual? Oh wait my beard lives here now. Surely if it were real it would be all the time. Should I just refer to the last time I had sex with C? They don’t need to know there was no vagina involved…..” (Yes, that is exactly what a sane person would think in the heartbeat it takes him to answer. Watch the video again- NOT THE GIF...your fantasy has changed the facts-you sound like Trump “he ran int other tunnel and died crying and screaming and whimpering like a dog”)

He was so obviously struggling and thankfully L/ily, an openly gay woman, made it into a joke to spare him. (what joke does L/ily tell that saves him? I’m curious because when I watch the video that part must be mute)

Precious little d. Either embarrrssed about talking about sex or it had been quite some time, and if it had been a long time, that seems quite inconsistent with the PR story that was starting to ramp up as this was not long before confirmation day and the I’m a straight man with a gf tour. (But look at that, it IS consistent with YOUR story of a fragile but powerful gay man who realized he loved his costar the moment they met but woefully that love is forbidden for reasons that make no sense whatsoever but involve Ryan Murphy and a contract, a contract he signed with wide-eyed innocence��at 23. He just wanted to share his talents with the world and the lure of fame dazzled him but he soon found out he signed the deal with the devil. It’s the story of a man who chose the wrong beard and is still paying for that a decade later just as he still pays for signing that contract as a naive 23 yo. A man who, as you say “likes cock”, but it stuck spending most of his time with his “wife”, a woman he detests. This fragile but strong man who wrote “me and My Dick” and mimicked masturbation while standing in front of the paparazzi pen on a red carpet is is TERRIFIED of talking about sex...duh!)

*****************************************************************************************

rougedraconteur asked:

Just want to say that I could not be happier about most of the Halloween costumes and parties this year. But, I do think it needs to be said that Kathy and Chris were friends before this. By this interview with D, she and Chris had been pals for years. I know she was on Glee, as a judge of one of their many competitions. And she also held a fake marriage ceremony with him on stage somewhere, with Chris as her groom. She’s like Jane, a mom sub. C was on K’s show, then D, same as Jane’s.

And yes, Kathy knew. She always has, same as Jane. They are insiders, people to be trusted with the truth. She just loves to put people on the spot, even those she cares about. All of these folks on the show that day, knew the truth, whatever it was at that time.(She’s his mother figure? but his mother was alive when this was shot. I love how they “know” this stuff-everyone know but nobody thought to help Darren or stop working with Ryan Murphy out of solidarity and support- hell even Darren didn’t support Darren by icing Ryan Murphy out of his life. Also nobody has leaked on bit of information ...ever...in 10 years. That impressive AF. )

***********************************************************************

This Halloween was like Christmas, it was fabulous and no matter what they try, they cannot undo it. And I am confident D&C were fully aware of what was happening on Thursday night with the pictures. They have been playing this game for years, they know how not to be in the background of photos. They wanted those pics circulated.(more confirmation bias) So my question is, why now and who allowed those pics to be published? We all know the content is generally very controlled. And I would imagine EP has full control over the pics that are released from his party, I always question his involvement and well he was responsible for the only formal pic to date of CC, albeit a group photo.

C killed Halloween with his 2 costume choices. They were amazing. And I love that both he and D wee in drag last Saturday.

As for M/iarren, while the costumes themselves were not that great (kind of cheap and poorly executed though D as a dalmatian was adorable). I would say she spent more time and effort on the pics with her “squad’), i loved both of them. The villain and the victim. And in both cases, the D character won. And costume one was a blatant nod to C and his amazing books. Proving she is obsessed with us and what we say and trying to one up C.

Sad for her, she lost Halloween this year and CC triumphed and caused an absolute riot (a riot caused by Chris, Darren, Will and Mia speaking together at a party.. it has come to this#SAD!).

On K/athy thanks for the insight. I guess i cannot imagine asking such a direct question if I knew the truth. I guess what she failed to realize is that D is a terrible liar, especially back then. (why would Kathy, a great friend to Chris, do something so painful and difficult for Darren in front of a video camera let alone on a comedy show. Outing someone is a serious matter and not something concussive a rapid-fire comedy show. Your theory makes no sense whatsoever). His face told a million stories and none of them were of a straight man with a gf that just moves across the country to be with him (yes Abby, his face gave him away because his words sure as hell didn’t, never have and never will. It’s absurd but you continue to believe you know his truth based solely on facial expresses-which you have proven you cannot read accurately-, t-shirt graphics, song lyrics and Instagram “likes” but sadly, that is where we are at).

No doubt both L/ily and JTF knew. I think JTF has actually been a role model to D. And he and JM have been, from what i can see, really amazing to both our guys.(Vomit- random gay men in Hollywood are not “supporting Darren” through his 10 years of closeting, denial and marriage to a women-they have their own lives.) And L/ily would never have jumped in that way if she thought for one second that d was capable of handling it himself (Oh FFS, Darren made the joke about him and Lily having vaginal sex, Lily didn’t jump in, she cracked up and after he milked the joke for all he could get out of it- then she made a joke riffed off his. Your fantasy has overtaken the truth once again. Luckily we have video proof). But since D could not muster an answer, she answered for him and then he was able to collect himself and go with the joke. (that isn’t true at all-it’s a complete a lie).

Intereting side note, when that video originally aired, i still believed the PR story and I remember thinking about how odd his answer was and how uncomfortable he was. And i wasn’t looking for anything as I didn’t think there was a reason for him to lie.

I love this interview. And example of something team shit would dream about if only d could answer convincingly and instead it completely shined a light on the fact that D is queer and prefers the company of men, at least at that point in his life (Not making a statement on his past and sexuality) (OMG really? You're not? All you do is make statements about his sexuality. Let’s pretend you are right with this theory- For all the help that Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Ricky Martin, Ryan Murphy, and all the other gay men in Hollywood are providing ccDarren, this video showing how team shit failed again was broadcast 6 1/2 years ago (3/13) and Darren is still saying he’s straight, he’s still not spending time with Chris -well of course except the Halloween moment caught on the camera-they still lead entirely different lives and Darren married Mia sooo I’m not sure how they are team “shit”. Sounds like “team perfect” since everything is going their way. They even got Darren to cuddle Mia for a photo as “punishment” for that little moment with Chris...Team Shit for the Win....again!)

#cc #ccer #cc fandom #crisscolfer #darren criss #debunking cc liees #Kathy Griffin Show

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malyen0retsev · 6 years ago

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A massive text of ‘Thank you’ amongst all of this MESS

I’ve spent the last six years on Tumblr, in this fandom, and I’m as heartbroken as everyone else that this is the way we all have to say goodbye to it. I never in my wildest nightmares thought that this would be the ending, or that we would all be in mourning/despair in this way. And sure, a part of me regrets getting so invested because of how it’s all gone down - but the much larger part of me doesn’t.

I am grateful, every damn day, to the people on here who’ve become my friends over the last few years. Who’ve been wonderful to be around when we’re all celebrating together, and have been such a massive support the last couple of weeks when everything feels like it’s crashing down. I can’t regret the last six years, because I will never ever regret befriending you guys. And so, without further ado, this is a post to say ‘thank you’ to all of you who’ve made this worth it, and who I love and am always grateful for:

@geekychemist - My first proper friend on here, who I’ve communicated with via shitposts for about four years. For always being one of the first people I message, for being someone I’ve had numerous stupid FaceTimes with, for sending me a fat ass book from the US because I couldn’t get hold of it in the UK. For making me go from hating Petyr Baelish to respecting him, and for being a Gendrya stan with me from day one. I love you girl.

@gendrywatersseaworth - MY G! I LOVE YOU! My ultimate Gendry/Gendrya defence squad RIDE OR DIE (who sends Christmas cards with the SWEETEST messages). For being someone I Skype for ‘10 minutes’ which turns into 2 and a half fucking hours. For giving TMI on the daily, and we take the piss out of it also on the daily. For being the person I run to yelling about every positive, negative, or downright stupid thing I encounter online, and we then destroy with a fuck ton of ‘OH MY FUCKING JESUS WEPT’

@aethelfled - The first person on here to go from ‘online friend’ to IRL friend; who would’ve guessed chatting about Arya and Gendry on here would turn into hanging out irl in Melbourne? Those four days in Melbourne with you were four of the best days of my year down in the Southern Hemisphere, and idk if you fully know how grateful I was for them. You’re one of the most passionate and strongest people I know, and your love for Arya is the ONE.

@villan3lle - One of the sweetest people on here, someone who’s always down to shout about OUR SQUID SON, and also sends adorable Christmas cards. Every time I see frogs I think of you, and that’s a damn good trait to have tbh! You’re such a supportive, wonderful, kind human, and your salty takes are always ones I bloody love reading. No matter how many times I turn up on Twitter or Tumblr essentially screaming at you, you’re always like ‘YEP GO OFF’ and I love you for it.

@gendrie - AKA probably THE MOST CYNICAL PERSON I KNOW I’m here for it and I love it. Always think of how we became friends back before S7 aired and we were piecing together all the screencaps and interviews like ‘WAIT IS THAT GENDRY IS HE COMING BACK’. Your love for Arya is bloody fab, and you’re one of the most talented people I know with your fics.

@insomniarama - Honest to god, idk anyone else who makes so ON POINT meme reaction posts; I’m thinking specifically of the bloody catspaw dagger with the Mickey Mouse screencap of ‘These are useful tools which will help us later’ SCREAMING. Always down for hearing your takes bc you reblog and post SUCH GOOD TAKES amongst the chaotic memes. Also, you listen to my general screaming, which is always a plus tbh.

@ariannenymerosmartell - Your slamming down of anons being ridiculous amuses the hell out of me, and also I have never come across anyone who so unfailingly defends and loves Petyr Baelish, and manages it in such a way that convinces ME it’s great. And your loathing of D&D is hilarious, your raging at them for the Dorne plotline specifically, your salty takes are always the bloody one.

@imjustasmith - Yelling about Joe and Gendry, does that summarise it basically?? We’re cynical but also cynical clowns, and we go into this void together. I love how much you love Gendry, and although he was ma boy already, you’ve definitely grown that love, bc you don’t realise how much you love a character till you scream about it with other people tbh.

@mhysaofdragons - The way you love and defend Dany is inspiring, and you’ve always done it from a totally rational standpoint, not just with stan goggles on. Also you’re a teacher with green hair, so I obvs have to respect that. Even amongst the mess that’s gone down, you’ve unfailingly spread love around for this character, and you’re one of the main people on here who changed me from going to ‘I like Dany’ to ‘I love Dany’ and I thank you so much for that.

@jonerys - Honestly, the same as above to an extent - you’ve been so important to me with making me love Dany so much, and I’m also grateful for the mass-screaming we’ve had via messenger about the show. Your love for Dany is extraordinary, and I love that you’re not ashamed of how fiercely you love this character and how much she’s impacted you as a person.

@elizabthturner - Mate I had the BEST TIME trawling through Reddit with you, and hell, we came up with an episode summary THAT REALLY WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER THAN THE WAY THAT SHITSHOW TURNED OUT. I love shouting about Jaime with you, and the last week of us just crashing ours heads against the wall trying to make sense out of this disaster - and I also love how though we stan different ships and different characters, we’ve never once let that become a toxic thing IN A FANDOM WHICH OFTEN VERY MUCH LETS IT BECOME A TOXIC THING.

HONOURABLE SHOUTOUTS TO @josephdempsie @freedvictors @madaboutasoiaf @jrrtolkiens @lizstargaryen @rabbitbaratheon @bethgreenesgf @gendryastarkers @fosterjane @fvrestlass @game-of-clowns @aryaofhousesnark @thorodinsvn - You are all people I’ve spoken to, not in depth, but enough times over these few years to deserve to be mentioned; because frankly, my dash and my experience on here would not be the same without you all on it. So thank you. Thank you for talking with me, for adding light and positivity from many different fandoms to my dash, and just being all round stars who I love seeing updates from, and I’m always glad to know you’re doing OK.

YEP THIS IS A LONG ASS POST. I DON’T APOLOGISE FOR IT. This fandom is hurting a lot right now, justifiably so, and many of us are questioning if we would be happier if we’d never got involved in it. But I don’t regret it, because my life would be a hell of a lot emptier without you all in it. So thank you. Thank you for being the reasons I’ve stuck around on here for so long, the reasons we’ve got through the last couple of weeks, and the reasons why at the end of the day, all of this mess has been worth it. <3

#you all are fab and i love you #and that's that basically #<3 #sarah rambles

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sirro85-blog · 6 years ago

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Humans are Weird: Mental Health

Trigger Warning, probably.

Kizidan watched as the humans danced, the music was like nothing she had heard before it was pleasant but she had not joined in, it appeared you needed to know the steps and most of the dances had names. She watched as Major Kovac spun Captain Becca in his arms, her feet lifting off the floor, the dance ended with the couple close to her, Kovac kissed Becca and held her face between his hands, "ahh lass, you're my joy" he said softly before leading her from the floor. Diminutive when compared to most human's Kizidan felt especially small around the Major and his Captain the Major stood close to 2m tall and while the Captain was a head shorter she was still taller than most of her gender and a sizeable number of the male soldiers.

Kovac stroked Becca's neck and bent to kiss her before walking away, Becca watched him for a few moments and then turned to Kizidan and smiled, "enjoying it?"

"Very much, I've never seen a celidh before...I've never seen Kovac smile so much either."

Becca grinned, a disturbing trait of humans, "Don't let Kovac hear you call it a ceilidh, he'll give you a lecture, " she put on an accent similar to Kovac' "it's no a ceilidh, naebdys singin' it's a dance." She turned to look at him as he collected drinks, then she drained her own, "whatever it is, he is happier, it's a hard time of year for him it's nice to see him smiling."

"Why is the time of year difficult? To my knowledge you do not hibernate, nor are you seasonal breeders." Kizidan extended her crest in confusion.

"No, not the season...it's an anniversary of sorts, I probably shouldn't say but as it's the worst kept secret on board: Kovac lost a wife and son when he was younger, it was a transport accident, he was deployed his first ever posting, she was at home with the 6 month old and...Very sad, now he's...well he's never been a cheerful person but now...well he's in a serious job so I can't tell if he's permanently low level depressed or if he's just a proper grim bastard."

"Depressed...he's In a lower position? He's the highest ranking officer amongst your human unit, I don't understand."

"Oh god, look it's a mental health condition, or a mental ill-health condition, I'm not sober enough to explain ask me tomorrow Kids," Becca looked over to see Kovac approaching, "I'll get him to dance with you, he'll teach you the steps."

The following morning Kizidan found Becca exiting the gym, she was with Frank one of the older medics who gave Kizidan a nod and left for the medical wing.

"Morning Kids, how are you doing?"

"I'm well Captain, thank you for asking, I was hoping you could explain more of what you said last night, I did some reading on the subject of 'mental ill-health in humans' it seems a chemical imbalance in the brain can cause a variety of problems in humans, all of which would be terminal in Forell such as myself."

"I'll be honest Kids you've already explained about as much as I know," Becca replied, "I'm not sure I can be much help."

"No, I've spoken with the SMO and I have an understanding of the medical issues, I wanted you to build on idea of Kovac's health being caused by a single event. In what i read it is often a longer term cause."

"Fuck Kids, you're asking big questions here, look Kovac was an orphan and grew up inn the kind of poverty someone like me can't imagine, maybe he was always unhappy and that event tipped him over the edge, I don't know, I met him at the military academy and he was a grim bastard there but he was fucking sunshine compared to now," she sighed, "I don't really get it, if you want to learn more go for it but, in my experience the books don't match up with my own experiences."

"You are familiar with mental-ill-health?" Kizidan asked.

Becca shifted her feet, "i need some protein, let's get to scoff."

10 minutes later Becca was chewing some dried meat and Kizidan started her questioning again, "you implied you had first hand knowledge of mental ill health."

"Well, yeah, I mean the reason I'm a rank below the Major is I spent a year in bed wishing I was dead but too numb to do anything," Becca covered her face with her hands, "I met a guy, my perfect hero, we got pregnant, I nearly carried to term and in the final few weeks I had a problem the baby died and I had a still birth, I nearly died and when I was better my perfect hero was gone, left me to it." Her voice took on a monotone, detached quality, "I took it hard, it brought up a lot of rejection shit from my parents, 'why don't people want me, why do all men hurt me?' you're vulnerable to this stuff when your father is abusive and your mother blames you for it...Well we're down the rabbit hole now, I'd survived the stuff my father did to me, I'd put myself back together and made a life and that life had tried to kill me and I broke, I mean if I could have got out of bed I'd have ended it but even that was too much effort and besides I couldn't imagine putting others to the trouble of cleaning me away, I didn't think people would care but they'd have to dispose of the corpse and I wasn't worth that, eventually I felt a bit better and as days went past I managed to move and then exercise...now, it's still hurts but I'm 5 years healthy and provided I can maintain a healthy diet and exercise I seem to manage good mental health." Becca peeled a banana and broke it into pieces, she carefully spread almond butter onto thin slices of apple and sandwiched the banana between two apple slices, she popped this into her mouth, then started again on another.

"One shrink I saw told me I had ptsd another severe fugue state...something, but the first one diagnoses everyone with ptsd and the other guy is convinced that Kovac has anxiety and I've never seen the Major so much as look concerned let alone get anxious, guy's chill is legendary, personally I think I had severe depression, but I guess I was catatonic so who knows"

"PTSD?"

"Post Stress disorder, no, traumatic stress post, bloody hell, Post traumatic stress disorder, basically an event happens and you have issues resolving how you feel about it and that means it's hard to recall it without reliving it."

"It's a memory issue?"

"No, not really it's like you don't just remember it, you relive it, with all the terror and fear and the horror of the experience. I know Pants suffered with it, she saw some of her old unit go down in an ambush, she woke up screaming a few times when she first got to us, I know Wolf helped her a lot, I'm not sure how."

"It sounds as though your mental stability is a fragile thing." Kizidan observed.

"Well people are different, some poor bastards are born with problems, some develop issues for one reason or the other, trauma physical or otherwise can cause problems, they don't always cause these problems...Kovac has taken 6 rifle rounds to the chest, his body armour caught most but some got through, he lost a rib as a result, he's died on the table after a haemothorax, that was when he was shot another time. Yet he's still a combat soldier, he's remarkably sanguine about his injuries, we can all break we don't all break the same way or for the same reasons and we don't all mend the same way."

Kizidan gave a trill of disbelief, "You humans have this reputation of invincibility and invulnerability in the galaxy, yet you make yourselves sound so fragile."

"We are fragile, that's the problem we can break, horribly so but we are also durable so we survive the breaking and then, well then we have to learn how to survive with all our damage. That's our real strength, our ability to endure, to just keep going."

#humans are weird #humans are space oddities #humans are space australians #humans are insane #humans are space orcs #humans are space fae #space australia #space orcs #earth is space australia #earth is weird #earth is awesome #earth is a deathworld

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