#sarah rambles

[pizzaratzz]

[sarahkomik]

I need the gif of the protecteam dancing all together.

[charmsterz]

Interesting things happening in Neopia today

[maraskywalkers]

reply to or reblog this with your fave angst with a happy ending fics please

[gingersnaptaff]

It's me again. Back to bore this shit out of u all with More Welsh Shit Nobody Cares About. (Is that a good title? Probs not.)

Gonna do a quick one about Hywel ab Owain Gwynedd today. He was a poet-prince of Gwynedd (so a Prince of the House of Aberffraw) and eight (possibly nine if the Gorhoffedd is actually two separate pieces that were fused during the transcription process) poems of his have been handed down to us.

His dad was Owain Gwynedd, also known as Owain Fawr, who was King of Gwynedd and self-proclaimed Prince of Wales from 1136 until he died in 1170. He fought against the Normans to ensure that Gwynedd was afforded its independence, and was successful right up until his death when everything went up the shitter.

Now, Hywel's his second-born bastard son according to Wikipedia BUT Y Brut y Twysogion suggests he was the THIRD-born bastard son. (Remember if u were a bastard then u could inherit land if ur dad recognized u as his.) I'm making this point because both Rhun - Hywel's oldest brother - and Llywelyn - Hywel's second oldest brother - were struck down by illnesses in 1146 and 1165. This meant that Hywel, under Welsh Law, was seen as the Edling (Etifedd in Welsh.)

Not much is known about him or his early life. Records are scarce about when he was born, where he was raised, or who exactly his mother was. His birth year has been estimated as being 1100 right up until 1125, but we can't say for sure. We do know that, judging by the fact he was set to deal with his pesky Uncle Cadwaladr in 1143, he would've reached his majority by then. (14 was when u were legally considered to be a man in Welsh law, and Hywel was under his father's orders and given land once he'd dealt with his uncle so it's plausible.) For what it's worth I'd say he was about 23-24 during the events of Cadwaladr Being A Tit.

Hywel's mum was an Irish woman referred to in Welsh texts as 'Pyfog,' or 'Fynnod'. Nerys Ann Jones in her book 'Hywel ab Owain Gwynedd: Bardd-Dywysog' has suggested that his mum's name might be Fionnait, but we don't know anything about her. We don't even know if Rhun, Llywelyn, and their other bastard brother, Cynan, are brothers or if they were born to different mothers.*

As for Hywel himself, he's quite an interesting character. In 1143 he was sent to deal with his Uncle Cadwaladr after his uncle had killed the Prince of Deheubarth, Anarawd, before he could marry one of Owain Gwynedd's daughters to aid in an alliance between three two kingdoms.

Again, we have NO IDEA (I'm gonna be saying that a lot) why Cadwaladr did what he did. Perhaps it was over a land dispute, considering that Cadwaladr held Aberystwyth which had been a Deheubarthian territory* but we can't quite say. Cadwaladr himself was married to a Norman wife, Adeliza, the daughter of Richard de Clare, and so perhaps that helped to spark tensions between the two.

Either way, with Anarawd dead by his brother's hand Owain Gwynedd knew he needed to dispense justice.

And so, Hywel was picked to ensure it was done. The Brut Y Twysogion states: 'Then Hywel son of Owain, seized Cadwalader's share of Ceredigion, and burned a castle of Cadwalader which was at Aberystwyth.'

This being done, Owain then set Hywel up with his uncle's lands while Cadwaladr hot-footed it to Ireland where he fell in with the Danes. Desperate to reclaim his lands his nephew now held he entreated the Danes for their aid, which they gave, and so they landed at Abermenai in 1144. Now, Owain Gwynedd - and Hywel, presumably, as he was his father's right-hand man - had raised an army in response and so the two brothers met.*

Cadwaladr presumably entreated Owain for his forgiveness which Owain granted, yet as for the Danes there would be no mercy. Once again the Brut y Tywysogion states: 'Owain ... became outrageous against them, and attacked them without mercy; and when some were killed, and others taken and confined, they ignominiously escaped by flight to Dublin.'

Hywel then remained in Ceredigion until 1146 when he and his brother Cynan* waged war against their uncle (again. Seriously, lads, get a better hobby.) Cadwaladr held the cantref of Merionnydd in North-West Wales and Owain, intent on further ridding Cadwaladr of his influence instructed his sons to fuckin Get Him Out which they did.

Cadwaladr would remain a thorn in his big brother's side for the rest of his life, essentially. He loved to undermine Owain because all princes were afforded land within their kingdom which led to power struggles. (Don't worry, this will have NO CONSEQUENCES LATER. NONE.) He'd do some dodgy stuff again in 1157 but then after that, he'd spend his days at Henry II's court, presumably in luxury.

Now, Hywel's life at this point boils down to being a warlord enacting his father's will. In 1146 his oldest brother Rhun died, causing Owain Gwynedd to fall into a deep depression. It would only be lifted when he heard Mold Castle had captured the castle from the Normans. Rhun by all accounts was the quintessential golden boy prince with the Brut y Tywysogion eulogising him thusly: 'fair of form and aspect, kind of conversation, and affable to all... tall of stature and fair of complexion, with curly yellow hair, long of countenance, with eyes somewhat blue... he had a long and thick neck, broad chest, long waist, large thighs, long legs which were slender above his feet; his feet were long and his toes were straight'

This means that he is the only one of Owain Gwynedd's kids to have a contemporary description accorded to him! Crazy!

After this, Hywel would zigzag between his lands in Ceredigion(what little there were. Deheubarth re-gained a foothold and Hywel's cousins: Cadell and Rhys BURNT DOWN HIS CASTLES) and Gwynedd. Now, I am fast-forwarding for the sake of enjoyment but in 1170 Owain Gwynedd died. Now, you'd expect that Hywel as the designated heir would have an easy time.

You would be wrong.

Dafydd, Hywel's pesky LEGITIMATE half-brother*, claimed the throne! Hywel did a Cadwaladr and hot-footed it to Ireland, which, was very silly of him but Hywel wanted his throne. This meant the two brothers met in Ynys Môn and fought a battle. Hywel had Irish mercenaries with him but they couldn't help him. Dafydd speared him in the chest which, as Hywel's foster brother, Peryf ap Cadifor states: Buant briw ger eu brawd-faeth’ (‘They were injured beside their foster brother’). Suggesting that he saw Dafydd kill Hywel ‘with a spear’ (â gwayw), he curses him, calling him ‘false’ (enwir).

We only have eight extant compositions of Hywel's that survive today, sadly. All are pretty fuckin cool though.* His topics included war, love, Gwynedd, and he used both Welsh mythology and classical mythology to great effect in his compositions. Hywel's Ode V concerns Ogrfan Fawr and Gwenhwyfar and is partly what Dafydd ap Gwilym later took inspiration for his poem 'Y Ffenestyr' or The Window.

Now, onto Hywel's poetry. He, unlike other poets and bards that occupied the Welsh courts, did not need to make a living from it and so he's purely indulging in art for art's sake. A bit like Arthur in Culhwch and Olwen then although his compositions are MUCH better. His Gorhoffedd is the most well-known which praises Gwynedd and its beauty, as well as the beauty of his lovers*. However, it defo has a political context. Seriously it starts with: 'Caraf, trachas Lloegr, lleudir Gogledd heddiw’ (‘I love the North’s [or North Wales’] open land today, England’s great hate’) and from there list what he loves about his father's domain with a kind of Ovidian bent because of its geographical immediacy.

A lot of his poetry inspired later poets like Dafydd ap Gwilym, Goronwy Owen, and T. Gwynn Jones.

Now, this legend is lost for the two men to both allude to Gwenhwyfar either directly (as in Dafydd's case, or indirectly as Hywel does), but as the author states in my poorly translated Welsh: 'The essence is preserved in 'Chrétien de Troyes' 'Le Chavalier de la Charrette,' where Lancelot breaks down the iron bars/window to get to Gwenhwyfar in her room.'

Furthermore, in contrast with Hywel's putting himself in Arthur's shoes, Dafydd does so with Lancelot, only this time rather than saying he and Lancelot are the same Dafydd highlights, 'the contrast between his failure [at opening Gwenhwyfar's window] and the legendary hero's success.'

Now, Hywel himself also gets a fair few praise poems that compare him to Arthurian / Welsh mythological figures. Several praise poems were made about him during and after his death including the one I mentioned earlier from his foster-brother, Peryf. Cynddelw Brydydd Mawr also sang praise poems of Hywel that mention his generosity comparing him to Gwalchmai, and Arthur. These poems are called 'arwyrain' which means 'elevating in/by/with praise.' You can kinda see the Gorhoffedd as being perhaps an extension of this if you so wish.

* Wikipedia says Rhun, Hywel, and Cynan ARE Owain and Pyfog/Fynnod/ Fionnait's kiddies, whereas Peter Bartrum in his 'Welsh Genealogies' says that Hywel was the uterine twin of another brother, Einion. 🤷🏻‍♀️

* To fully go into it: Aber WAS Deheubarthian territory UNTIL the Normans captured it. During 1136, Owain and Cadwaladr captured Ceredigion for Gwynedd and DID NOT GIVE IT BACK. Cad held all of Ceredigion right up until he was A Silly Bastard and murked Anarawd, thus necessitating Hywel having the North Side of Ceredigion to Cadwaladr's South until 1144 when Hywel yoinked all of it after his uncle provoked Owain's wroth.

* You should all read Ellis Peters' Cadfael book: Summer of the Danes if u haven't already. It's honestly great.

*I KNOW I said Cynan wasn't his full-blooded bro but it is EASIER. Plus Cynan is FASCINATING IN HIS OWN RIGHT. He was imprisoned by his dad in 1147 /48 and we DONT KNOW WHY. Some speculate it was because Hywel was going to gain Meirionnydd (he was the Edling at the point) and Cynan took offence to that. Presumably, this is why he fought on Dafydd's side in 1170 and helped slay Hywel.

* Dafydd was the first-born son of Owain Gwynedd and his wife/cousin Cristina. He and his brother Rhodri once they'd defeated Hywel ruled Gwynedd together for a few years before Dafydd backstabbed Rhodri and took the throne for himself. Llywelyn Fawr eventually defeated him.

*I am heavily biased.

*And the man fucked. Presumably, he was following his father's example because Owain fathered upwards of twelve kids. He had two kids that we know of Gruffydd and Caswallon. Idk if they were legitimate or not but we know that after Hywel was killed in 1170 by his half-brother, Dafydd, they were cared for by Hywel's brother Rhirid.)

READ DAFYDD AP GWILYM IMMEDIATELY. HE IS SO FUN. TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK BEING 'A ROLLING PIN.' Also, he IS a contemporary of a sort to Gwerful Mechain and you should read her click poem.

[cruelsummerx]

You ever miss your old rp partners?

[bobdylans116thdream]

2024 was.... something. Here goes... VERY long post b/c this year was A LOT. But in about 9 hours it'll be in the past! so!

I had the worst work year I've had; it was my first as a lead, a brand new curriculum, and assistants who were hard to open up to. And my boss was telling me it was on me to open up to them. Not quite right. They needed to open up to me too. They ended up leaving, and now I've got one of my good friends working with me, she's a huge help. I had a lot of struggles with constructive criticism - my brain takes it as SEE YOU AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH... definitely still working on that too. People at work want to help me, not put me down. I'm still building my confidence there, but I will get there!

Personally - I still dealt with a lot of the anxiety. I had a massive falling out with my former best friend, Cherry. And yes, it was my fault. I know I'll never get to apologize, but my biggest task here is forgiving myself. What I did was a product of being unhealed; now I know better. I still miss her sometimes, but I know I'll be okay. Something that happened caused me to fall out with Mel, but luckily we've been able to rekindle and now things are stronger than ever. Forgive and forget. I'm so happy to have her back in my life - she's one of my biggest cheerleaders!!! I love you! I also strengthened friendships with Bridge (I dunno your real name), Renee, and made new friends! I'm working on coming out of my shell... I'm not nearly as bad as my anxiety makes me out to be.

And with Matt, things are amazing <3 we're both taking steps towards getting ready for the next chapter... so one day in 2025 you might see me post a ring!!! ;) he's my biggest offline supporter, and I wonder every day how I got lucky enough to find him. I love him dearly and I can't wait to see where life takes us in 2025.

Healing... whoa boy has this been a downhill rollercoaster lately! In the good way! I'm becoming more accepting of myself and all my weirdness, enjoying my hobbies more and more, and changing how I see myself. I'm trying to treat myself more compassionately when I mess up or get into my head - this is hard work, I didn't get these mindsets in a day, I won't reverse them in a day!! I truly think this new obsession with Bob Dylan helped - it refreshed me, gave me some new energy that I hadn't gotten in a long time.

sooo here are some thanks

@lil-melody-moon where do i begin!!! I'm super grateful that I chose to reunite w/you, we're quite the team! lol thank you for encouraging all my weirdness and thirst and obsessions. I can't wait to see what the next bout of teasing will be... mwah! thank you for all of your love and support.

@good-to-drive you are amazing and i'm so grateful for your friendship and understanding. i don't know how i would have gotten through some of the hard times during the fallout with my other friend without your support. thank you for all your saraniverse help, for the personal help, and for encouraging this new obsession ha! i can't wait to hear more about your research :D

@johangeorghohman you found me during a very dark time, and i'm happy that you stuck around now that i'm doing better! thank you fr all of your kindness and for listening to my insane ramblings lol!

@djbead123 and @androidxmutt yall are awesome! i know we haven't been friends that long, but i'm looking forward to continuing into 2025! (and i can't wait to see that drawing!)

@knoxoverstreet16 i'm glad i messaged you! you're fun to talk to, and i love seeing little pics from your tours and stuff! :D

@rufusrant thank you for being my starrison friend ^_^ and for not giving up on me when i wasn't as healed as i am now (so i wasn't making the best choices, friend and conversation wise). i do wanna write that story!

@i-am-the-oyster and @s-l-martin thank you for being so encouraging when it comes to how shy i am on discord... i'm getting out of that slowly but surely!

finally but not least @bridgeoverstrawberryfields i know things are tough for you right now, but i just wanted to extend some love and care. you've been a wonderful friend all this year, and i thank you from the bottom of my heart. and i'm here whenever you're ready <3

[vintagestarlight]

Writing ACOTAR fics???

So I just finished reading the ACTOAR series(super late I know) but I'm absolutely in love with this series 😭

I know I just started writing for Fourth Wing but maybe writing some ACTOAR fics can help with the ACTOAR hangover??? Let me know if that's something y'all want to see :)

[sillysarahsthings]

Welp time for some Frankie angst:

Cover of something I'm writing. 😁

The way I envisioned Blackie's relationship with Frankie at first would probably be pretty toxic, as I thought "what if Amy's ghost was never real and it was just an illusion so Frankie would sell his soul and give his outmost devotion to Miss Black? And that Miss Black did it because when she met Frankie, she would still have some guilt of losing a child and that it seems like the best solution. (And the only one she was capable of.)

I'm thinking of doing that but Blackie fixes it by getting Amy's ghost yet still never telling Frankie that the ghost he was talking to for the first few years was actually just an illusion.

I might post it later today.

[alwaysmoncheri]

nobody can convince that aaron taylor johnson is not the love of my life

[pizzaratzz]

See idk what possessed me here

[makethiscanon]

Imagine not being obsessed with a fictional character. Imagine getting through 24 hours without them worming their way into your everyday existence, like oh cool I'm shopping but actually wouldn't it be cool if X blorbo was just down the aisle, choosing their favourite dessert, or better yet pushing my shopping cart--

[sarahkomik]

comically large AK-47

[charmsterz]

Do you guys think she is the way she is because she’s orange

[misplacedgamer]

So I was tagged by the lovely @hellaephemeral for a 2025 TBR! Out of spite, I will only be including ONE danmei xD And it’s gonna be a fresh one that’s publishing its first volume in 2025.

So here we go, 9 of my 2025 TBR list! (This was hard to narrow down so it’s gonna change immediately after this goes up

There’s so much missing here it makes my skin itch xD Honorary 10th place is all of the Apothecary Diaries that hasn’t been covered by the manga yet.

Alright, time to tag! Maze hit a lot of you already sooooo @ratretro, @a-slut-for-smut, @3rd-master-makarov ,@epickiya722, @lastoneout, and anyone else that sees this and would like to participate! I’m so sorry if I forgot you btw!

[gingersnaptaff]

Does anybody else get upset when they don't write, or feel worthless? I always want to apologise to the characters and myself for not writing. I feel worthless, honestly. When I was little I felt like I'd have a book published by the time I was 21 but now I'm 28 and I have Nothing.

And I feel as if my stories don't matter, or that I'm not meant to complete the Arthurian/Guinevere/Welsh myth story because somebody else will have done it already. Or, y'know, people don't want to read it. I just... I don't know.

What's crazy is that my brain can and does engage in research about Welsh mythology and Arthuriana, but I can't even open up my Google Docs without having a mental battle about it.

I'm just deflated, tired, and depressed.