#he's bi you can't convince me otherwise

[multishipper-baby]

I have no explanation for this.

[akechi-stole-my-heart]

i finished episode 7 and all of my thoughts connect back to a single main idea which is: kanji is gay.

but its actually a whole lot more nuanced than that so. maybe (hopefully) someday i will write an essay about his shadow. but in short: he's gay.

[hedgehog-moss]

Here are 7 little facts about my donkey and how his summer is going :)

1. I received an anon the other day asking if Pirou was still a working donkey who carries my firewood for me, and the answer is yes. I've been cutting some branches from the big cherry tree that fell down the other day, and Pirlouit has been valiantly carrying them to the woodshed—fun fact, for this activity he likes to wear his ears like this:

Probably because this T position is reminiscent of Jesus' sacrifice on the cross, which is how Pirlouit perceives himself as he carries heavy logs for me. He's willing, but his martyrdom should be acknowledged.

Here's Poldine acknowledging it with a nose kiss, because Poldine.

I stopped so they could have their little chat.

2. Pirou has been chatting with a lot of new friends lately—we met these horses on a walk and he was so happy to stop and touch noses with them while making equid noises. Llamas are good with the nose-touching but their llama noises are just less interesting to Pirlouit. He had such interested ears here! "Finally a serious grown-up conversation"

We also met this goose during the same walk and Pirlouit was a lot less eager to go say hi to her. The goose was yelling threats at us and we prudently stayed away, and Pirou was clearly thinking "this bird is doing a better job at protecting her home from intruders than Pandolf ever could" (it's true, Pan assumes intruders are friends until proven otherwise)

3. You'll notice that there are houses in this pic! Our walks got longer and longer until one day we went all the way to the village (it took 1 hour 20min at Pirlouit's leisurely pace). I was so proud of him. I've been trying to convince my friends to go to the village on donkeyback (this requires two people, because you can ride Pirlouit but you can't tell him where to go unless there's someone holding his rope and leading the way)—my friends were reluctant because they still sort of perceive Pirou as the feral animal terrified of everything that he was when I got him. They know he's made a lot of progress but going to town on donkeyback still seemed foolhardy.

So we've been riding Pirlouit in the woods, in familiar environments, and we also went to town with him but without riding him. He was amazingly calm and brave! There's a river that cuts the village in two and the first time we went, we stopped before the bridge, since it's pretty narrow and cars would have to drive very close to Pirlouit, we didn't want to risk it. We just went to say hi to the librarian who lives on the right side of the river, but since Pirlouit was very serene, we did cross the bridge the second time.

He did not care at all about cars driving very close to him (he had one familiar human on either side of him and the drivers were very considerate and went slowly), which emboldened us to stop for a drink on the terrace of the coffeeshop on main street (< also a narrow street with cars driving by quite close to Pirlouit). There was just no problem at all, Pirou let total strangers rub his forehead and was more interested in iced tea than main street traffic.

It was a hot day and we gave him all the ice cubes from our drinks and he chewed them enthusiastically.

4. We made a stop at the pharmacy on our way home because we had another 1 hour 20min walk ahead and I had a blister, and the pharmacist noticed my donkey parked outside his shop and in a determined tone he said, "I want to try something." He took one of the donkey milk soaps from the overpriced-Provence-soaps-for-tourists display and opened the door and offered it for Pirlouit to sniff.

... I'm not sure what he was expecting—for my donkey to go "ohhh this smells like Mother's milk and aloe vera 🥺"—but unfortunately nothing happened.

(4. bis—Sorry, this 4th fact was anticlimactic.)

5. Pirlouit is now the proud owner of a surcingle. Not for equestrian vaulting and not for his log-carrying job because I don't know if it would be solid enough for the weight of a bag full of logs, but I'd like to tie bags or baskets to it to take Pirlouit grocery shopping, now that I know he's okay with going to town :) He even seems to enjoy the adventure, and the attention he gets from children.

And actually I shouldn't write off equestrian vaulting because Pirou is also remarkably chill with weird things happening on his back. I used to be very careful to climb on his back in a quick & fluid way so he wouldn't spook (because he used to! a butterfly flapping its wings in Brazil used to spook him!) but now that my friends are riding him I can confirm we've reached a point where you can climb on Pirlouit's back in any way you want and he'll just be like "...... sure"

6. I almost forgot to mention that Pirou turned 15 last month, according to his ID papers :) Donkeys have a longer life expectancy than horses, they can live 30-40 years on average so he's still a young lad really. Happy 15th birthday Pirlouit :)

7. I wanted to conclude with a nice aesthetic pic of Pirou's shadow on the road during all those walks, like I did with Poldine, but unfortunately donkey shadows do not have the chic je-ne-sais-quoi of llama shadows. Pirlouit looks like a hammerhead shark wearing a tiny fez and that's not his fault.

[emo-batboy]

Battinson Guest Starring on TV Shows

SO

For someone who holds the title of Richest Man in the World, Bruce doesn’t do a lot of traveling.

Which is to say he does a LOT of traveling, but he always tries to find a way out of it.

(Are there bat-related reasons for this? Are there people-related reasons for this? Are there anxiety-related reasons for this? Who knows?)

But partners and sponsors aren’t always going to tolerate his hermit-like tendencies. So once every month or so, Alfred wrangles Bruce into a private jet and sends him off to who knows where so he can represent the company.

Usually, it’s somewhere close on the East Coast, maybe it’s across the pond, even Asia isn’t off the table, but the rarest place to spot Bruce Wayne is actually the West Coast of the US.

One day, it is announced that Bruce Wayne will be spending two (count ‘em, 2) consecutive weeks in California with his kids for some grand business convention.

The West Coast media goes feral with the news, ESPECIALLY interviewers. And because Bruce kicks up such a fuss this time, Alfred has the gall to sign him up for FOUR TV appearances.

Here are these appearances :)

RuPaul’s Drag Race

Drag Queens, especially Drag Race all-stars, contribute to a wide variety of charities

So on a new episode, the queens are challenged to design and shoot a promotional ad for their own charity

And who better to act as a guest judge for this episode than the show’s largest benefactor, CEO of the Wayne Foundation, Bruce Wayne?!

Physically? He’s older than half of the contestants. But spiritually? He screams Baby Gay.

Fifteen minutes into the episode, Bruce is welcomed into the werkroom where he gives them pointers on their campaign. He’s in his cute little three-piece suit (Alfred’s idea) with the intention of looking put-together and knowledgeable. But that’s not the only outcome.

They all flirt with him. Everyone, single or taken. The confessionals are so thirsty.

“He’s lucky the cameras are on. Otherwise, I’d eat him up faster than a bachelorette party in a buffet line.”

“My celebrity crush is talking to me, and all I can focus on are his gorgeous eyes. How am I supposed to know what he's saying?”

Of course, they shoot their shot, but most of it is joking since they don't know he's bi yet.

“Are you single, honey?” Bruce blushes. “It’s complicated.” “Well, I’ll make it simple for you.”

We all know this man can't handle being flirted with. We saw how he froze when Selina did it. It’s like he mentally bluescreens when someone calls him a pet name.

Only THEN do they learn he's bi

One of the queens jokingly asks him, “Ever been with a man before?” thinking it would be a firm no, but Bruce says, “Actually, yes.” “Oh shit, really?” And to Bruce’s embarrassment, the whole room hears him.

The flirting is thus taken up a notch.

On the main stage, Bruce has a lot of great constructive criticism. He talks about how to find the right audience, the importance of a good slogan, and even goes on a little rant about logo design.

(You cannot convince me that Bruce hasn’t hyperfixated on the business of charity work before. Or the science of marketing. They’re his favorite business topics.)

After about three minutes of him complimenting one contestant for their Drag Library pitch, he stops himself mid-sentence and says, “Oh sorry, am I talking too much?” “No, please! Keep talking, sweetheart.” Bruce covers his face to hide his blush. “Why is everyone flirting with me?” “Baby, have you seen yourself?”

While the judges deliberate, RuPaul mentions Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent. Bruce nods along for a while then suddenly just blurts out, “Wait, does it spell ****?”

The judges pause then burst out laughing. “Oh no, we’ve traumatized him!" Bruce is blushing up a storm. “I just never thought about it like that!” “Sweet, innocent Bruce. We’re so sorry.”

It’s later revealed that Bruce offered to help some of the queens launch their charity projects through the Wayne Foundation.

It’s v cute 🥰

Nailed It!

I love Nicole Byer.

She is Mother.

In all seriousness, she’s so fucking funny and she’s personable enough to pull Bruce out of his shell a bit.

The theme for this episode is Found Family. Three pairs of family members compete together—a gay father and his adopted son, an aunt who adopted her niece, and a stepfather and stepdaughter.

Because Bruce Wayne famously adopted two children, he is invited to guest judge.

So Nicole opens the episode with a zinger, the contestants are introduced, and Bruce is welcomed onto the judge’s panel beside Nicole and Jacques.

(Yes, Bruce does speak French. Yes, Nicole makes a joke about it being hot.)

Nicole: “We were surprised you accepted our invitation, Mr. Wayne. You’re notorious for staying on the East Coast. What brought you to the Nailed It! Studio?” Bruce: “My children love this show. They always tell me I should be on it since I���m so bad at baking.” Nicole: “Really? Maybe we should do a celebrity season of Nailed It! and have you compete.” Bruce: “No, you should not.”

Nicole: “So, Bruce, I know you have a butler at home who bakes for you. But what’s the grossest thing you’ve eaten? Escargot? Bad caviar?” Bruce: “I drank olive oil straight from the bottle once.” Nicole: “…What?”

The problem for Bruce is he can’t say anything bad. It just feels mean :(

(And he would rather jump into oncoming traffic than gamble with a social interaction)

For the first challenge, the contestants make cake pops. But when Bruce tries the first one, there is a sickening crunch. Bruce’s eyes widen for a second and he slowly chews.

Nicole: “What was that? Bruce, are you okay?” Bruce, clearly struggling: “It’s…good.”

“Bruce, you can spit it out. It’s okay.” “I already swallowed it.” “Oh, you poor thing.” Bruce chokes for a second, and Nicole pats his back. “Please don’t die. We can’t afford it.”

For the big challenge, production has a surprise in store for Bruce.

Dick (9) and Jason (7) run onto the set and smother Bruce with a hug.

It’s adorable. Bruce no longer cares about paying attention, okay? His kids are here :D

The two boys read from cue cards to announce the second challenge: a three-tiered Gotcha Day cake. And as per tradition, the winner of the first challenge gets a leg-up.

This time, it’s a Helping Hands Button. When they hit the button, Dick and Jason will run over and help them for three minutes. (While being supervised, of course.)

As the contestants bake, Nicole says hello to Dick and Jason, who are clambering all over Bruce like a jungle gym. They both shake her hand and talk about how they love the show.

Nicole looks pointedly at the two empty chairs beside Bruce. “You know, we brought these chairs for you two to sit in.” Dick, on Bruce’s shoulders: “We’re fine, Ms. Byer!” Nicole: “Ms. Byer? Oh, you’re a cutie, aren’t you?”

Just ten minutes before the challenge is over, the Helping Hands button is pressed, and Dick and Jason are given stools so they can help the aunt and niece stack their cake tiers.

Two minutes in, the aunt instructs them to let go of the cake. But the moment Jason pulls his hands away, the cake topples over and covers him in frosting. Jason, whispering: “Oh f*ck.” Bruce: “Jason!” Jason: “I didn’t say that! Dick did!” Nicole: *cackling as Bruce buried his face in his hands*

Jason gets cleaned up, and Dick helps them stack what can still be salvaged.

When Wes brings out the trophy, he’s dressed as Batman. Dick and Jason gets a kick out of that.

Celebrity Family Feud

Bruce was invited to the show after his SNL skit went viral a few months ago

This episode, the teams are split up by cities they grew up in. Gotham v. Star City. Naturally, his team is playing for the Wayne Foundation.

It’s a pretty odd cast of people, most of them having moved to LA or Hollywood. Bruce is the only one to still live in Gotham.

They have fun, though, despite their limited common ground. The audience has a few good laughs.

(Some at Bruce's expense)

Harvey: You're a very wealthy man, Mr. Wayne. What do you really do in that tower all day? Bruce: I, uh…business? Harvey: …You business. Bruce: ……Wait-

All in good fun. Bruce just vibes in his little corner until he needs to answer a question. It's pretty chill.

For exactly half of the episode.

Then it happens.

Steve Harvey takes two people from each team up to the buzzer and says, “We asked 100 people: Name something your parents always told you as a kid.”

What the production failed to consider is how this particular question might be a sensitive topic for some contestants.

Bruce’s team gets the question, and Steve saunters up to Bruce, completely oblivious.

“Alright, Bruce Wayne!” Bruce nods awkwardly. “Hi, Steve.” “Bruce, what’s wrong? You’re looking a bit uncomfortable.” “…I don’t like this question, Steve.” “Why not?” Bruce just gives him a desperate look, and it clicks. “Oh! Oh my gosh!”

Let’s be real. Bruce is awkward enough, but Steve Harvey cannot save an awkward moment for his life either.

But he tries his best anyway and asks, “Are you okay with answering this question, or would you like to pass?” Bruce nods frantically. “I can answer. ‘I love you.’” “I love you too, Mr. Wayne.” “No, uh, my answer is ‘I love you.’” “Oh! That’s a good one.”

Thankfully, the audience erupts in laughter. That little interaction cuts the tension, and Bruce’s answer ends up on the board.

And by god, the memes

“I love you too, Mr. Wayne” is the new “Enjoy your meal.” “You too.”

The audio clip of “I don’t like this question, Steve” goes viral on TikTok

Someone gets a pic of Bruce and Steve looking at each other with palpable fear in their eyes, and it makes its rounds all over Twitter

10/10 never again

Running Wild with Bear Grylls

Now this is the most challenging. Not because it’s difficult, of course. But because Bruce has to look stupid enough to maintain his Brucie Wayne persona but smart enough to keep himself safe.

For this episode, Bear takes Bruce to the California desert.

“How much do you know about survival, Bruce?” Bear asks. Bruce nods carefully. “I did some survival training once with a friend from boarding school.” “Oh really, how did you do?” “Fine, I think.”

This is, of course, his way of saying I trained with a league of assassins for years, but Bear can’t know that! And that’s how most of the episode goes.

Thank god Bruce's fear of being caught is mistaken for being scared of the physical challenge because every time Bear points out how well he’s doing, he breaks into a sweat.

Bear: For a businessman, you’re surprisingly fit. Bruce, sweating bullets: Oh, this is all just for show.

Bear: Wow, you’re a natural. Are you sure you’ve never set up a zip-line before? Bruce, gripping his equipment so tight he gets rope burn: I think it’s just the survival instincts.

Of course, he pretends to be out of breath a few times. The Drama.

Bruce, pretending to slip and fall: Ouch! Who knew the outdoors were so dangerous? Bear, you are crazy. Bruce, internally: How much longer are we doing this?

Bruce being a vegetarian is actually a point of contention. You see, Bear always makes their celebrity guests do something crazy for food like skin a snake or eat a mouse. Scavenging for berries just doesn’t grab the audience’s attention.

But do you know what is vegetarian?

Bear: Now, in extreme cases of survival, it’s not rare for humans to resort to drinking their own pee. That’s what we’ll be doing in a moment. Are you up for it? Bruce, visibly repulsed: I’ve had Gotham tap water. I’ll be fine.

How on God’s Green Earth did Alfred convince him to do this?

To get to the extraction point, Bear takes Bruce down a cliffside.

Bear shows Bruce the meticulous process of properly belaying from the top of a cliff, and Bruce, who has done this over 100 times is like, “Wow that’s so dangerous :( Will we be okay?”

He really tries to ramp up his acting skills this time.

(Little does he know that’s not necessary.)

Bruce goes down first as Bear belays with a cameraman filming from the top. Halfway down, Bruce hears a scuffle, and the cameraman yells, “F*ck!”

Bruce looks up, arms already out for protection, and he sees a small disk falling towards him. It’s the lens cap. He catches it on instinct.

For a second, he thinks, “Shit, was that too skilled? That’s not enough to make people think I’m Batman, right? I just caught it in midair while dangling from a cliff. That’s totally not weird and suspicious. Normal people do that—“

Then Bear yells, “Bruce, drop it!” Bruce looks up at Bear, confused. “Why?” “There's a scorpion!” That’s when Bruce looks at the lens cap and sees a black scorpion perched on top with its tail ready to strike.

They don’t have those in Gotham.

Bruce jumps in his harness and flings the cap at the rocky cliffside. He hears a crunch, and the scorpion and cap tumble to the ground. Bruce frowns. Can a scorpion survive that drop?

“You just killed a scorpion, mate!” Bear cries. Bruce looks up in horror. “I killed it?!” “Hell yeah!” Bruce’s face falls. “No!”

Because oh. shit.

Bruce just killed something. The sad, orphaned vegetarian just killed a scorpion.

Bruce has a meltdown.

He didn’t mean to kill it!!!! Oh no, he just killed an innocent little creature. Yeah, he punches people for fun sometimes, and he definitely put a few violent criminals in the hospital, but he’s never committed MURDER!!

This poor little scorpion died due to his own negligence, and he feels so so so bad about it.

Bruce is a mess as he climbs the rest of the way down.

Bruce, cradling the scorpion’s body: I don’t know how to perform CPR on a scorpion! Bear: Bruce, you took its head clean off. Bruce: *sad noises*

Legit inconsolable. To him, it’s like he just murdered a puppy

Once they're out, Bear is trying to cheer him up. Bless him.

Bear: We’ve conquered the wild! Haven’t we, Bruce? Bruce, head between his legs, still mourning the scorpion: I’m never going outside again.

Yeah, no one’s going to think he’s Batman after that.

And that's all four of Bruce's TV appearances from the West Coast :) Dick and Jason never let him live any of it down. Alfred is almost sorry. (He is not sorry.)

Let me know your thoughts! What other TV shows do you think Battinson would appear on as a guest?

Okie dokie :D Love y'all! Have a good day <3

[dewdropdinosaur]

Kinktober Day 8: Cockwarming

Summary: You had no idea how you ended up in this position, slotted so prettily on your husband's aching cock as he left you to fend for yourself in the search for friction. Maybe you could convince him otherwise. Warnings: Cockwarming, the reader has a vagina, mentions of genitalia, pet names, etc. MDNI, 18+. You're responsible for your own media consumption. Kinktober Mention of the Day: @redvexillum Their writing is so scrumptious, I can't believe I am honored enough to exist in the same world as their masterpieces.

You could hardly stand it anymore, the teasing. How his smug smirk, nonchalant attention made your skin crawl in delicious ways that you wouldn’t dare to admit aloud. But he knew, you didn’t have to tell him. Your fingers dug into the plush velvet of your husband’s seat, weeping cunt slotted perfectly on his hard and angry cock. Hair disheveled, lips puffy and red from how hard his teeth had assulated them mere minutes ago…you couldn’t stand him anymore. 

The green light illuminated the office, allowing the soft pitter-patter of rain to take on an eerie glow through the oval window. Cascading streams of water glistened, letting the green street lights shake and shift across the floor with each passing droplet. When you had visited your husband late into the night, the Eye of Zaun hard at work scanning over various papers, you had no idea what would occur. With a steaming cup of tea in your hand, the whisps of steam wafting off it in a comforting air that could soothe even the worriest of worriers. You had crossed the hardwood floor, placed it gently on his desk as you propped yourself up on the corner. 

“Silco…it’s been hours.”

The world swam in that window’s green light, the hard maroon cushion,and those bi-colored eyes that penetrated your soul when he looked up to observe your form. Neither eye displayed much emotion to the untrained eye but after so long you could nearly tell what your husband was thinking. The orange eye held depths of a fire unknown and the loving rage of a thousand comets hurling towards each other with a fire too hot to be extinguished until they met. The blue, however,  the crystal blue one showed the most restraint surprisingly. You were wearing more casual clothes, a button up white shirt and a pair of maroon suit pants. Nothing you would have deemed anything worth the heated and lustful gaze you were receiving. 

“I know, my dear. But Zaun waits for no man.”

Filting around his chair, you sat in his lap, running your nimble fingers through the locks of his slicked back hair. Cooing softly as his head craned back in relaxation, you thought you had finally won him over for the night. 

“My dear, if you keep that up I will have no choice but to indulge myself in what else that heavenly body of yours can offer me.”

Choking back a surpirsed gasp, a frantic blush coating your cheeks, you halted your movements. You had no idea what had warranted such a bold reaction from the Industrailist, but here it seems that you had done something. 

That is how you ended up now, pussy full of cock, drooling onto the shoulder lining of Silco’s vest as he did nothing. Sliding slightly, attempting to get more friction, to feel him deeper inside you, his rough fingers came to grip your hips in a bruising manner. 

“Shhh now pet. You did this to yourself, looking so delicatable while I work.”  His breath was hot against the shell of your ear, one hand returning to scribble some notes down on the paper he was viewing while the other stayed on your hip. You let out a desperate whimper, grinding your hips down once more in a plea. Your nails dug into the fabric of his chair, tearing the material slightly. Growling into your ear that the friction you had caused, your husband roughly bucks his hips up into you. 

“Behave yourself. I’ll treat you well soon enough love…”

Guess you were here for a while then. 

[imagopirateversion]

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales; Why It Shouldn’t Exist

Or how I invested time and energy into an analysis of a relatively dead franchise instead of doing it for my actual media analysis university course.

An essay by: a bitter and obsessed PotC fan since they were 7, with a lot of free time.

Lads, this is going to be long. You have been warned.

The Beginning

At the very beginning of the movie, we see a young Henry Turner looking for his dad.

Now, we're not talking about characterization problems or how likely it is that a ten-year-old child would risk his life to look for a man he technically only saw once; we're talking about plot problems, actual logical fallacies. My questions are:

How? The Flying Dutchman is a legendary ship, impossible to be found unless She wants to be found. The only reason we see Her in Dead Man's Chest is because Davy Jones himself is looking for Jack to collect his debt, and in that occasion the Dutchman's captain wasn't even doing what he was supposed to do, so he was most definitely in the living world. Will otherwise, he's doing the job Calypso gave him, so he's constantly in between. Is the movie trying to convince me that a kid was able to do something no one in the history of piracy was ever able to do? And even if he did, why hasn't anyone explained me how? He simply looks at a map and throws himself on the bottom of the ocean. How did he know The Dutchman was there? How did he know it would've come to surface?

Where is his mom? We got to know Elizabeth in the first three movies; we know she's a smart woman and we can assume she's an attentive mother. She didn't notice her son preparing himself for a trip in the middle of the ocean to go look for his dad? Was she distracted? Was she outsmarted by a 10ish-year-old? Or is she just not contemplated in this scenario?

Why does Will look like that? Will is doing his job, so... why does he look like he's slowly corrupting? That kind of corruption is the punishment Calypso reserves to The Dutchman's crew when the captain fails her, which isn't the case. Did they forget about it? Was the idea of putting algae on Orlando Bloom's face just impossible to resist to?

Alright, this isn't actually from this movie but it's bothering me, so I have to write it; also, it would make this whole movie unnecessary, so it's somehow related to it. Why (and I can't stress this enough) can't Elizabeth be on the Dutchman? Why can't they do the job together? Is it because she's not a pirate? I'm pretty sure se actually is. Is it because she's a woman? Last time I checked she was the KING. She wants to stay with Will forever, Will wants to stay with her forever, they can literally live forever on the same ship. Why aren't they?

Whatever the Hell Happened to Jack Sparrow

Imagine creating a character that is so iconic whenever you ask a person who was a kid in the early 2000 to imagine a pirate, they imagine said character.

Now imagine fourteen years pass and you decide to ruin that character by making him the most hideous, annoying, idiotic person in the whole saga, and we're talking about a saga that has Philip the Missionary in it. Why? Jack Sparrow is THE anti-hero. Never on the right side, but never on the wrong one. You can tell he's doing something morally questionable, but you still find yourself rooting for him. He's stupid enough to make you laugh, but he's secretly clever enough to always get away with it. Now he's just... drunk. And that's not even an excuse for this horrendous new characterization, because he was always drunk. The guy FORGOT HE WAS ROBBING A BANK, the same guy just one movie earlier was able to escape from the King of England's palace and steal a lady's earring (by pretending to be a literal slut) in the process. He just switched from the iconic drunk bi bestie everyone loves to my cringe uncle that drinks too much at Christmas parties and makes everyone uncomfortable. Please, if the risk is ruining an entire generation's beloved character, either don't make the movie or find a better explanation than "Bad luck dogs you day and night".

The Pearl in The Bottle

So... what you're telling me is that Jack Sparrow, the guy who was able to defeat Hector Barbossa, Davy Jones and Blackbeard thanks to his slyness, and who loves his Black Pearl more than anything else in the world, had said ship in a bottle in his pockets for FIVE YEARS... and he never thought about breaking the bottle to free Her. That's what you're telling me. This is the pivotal point upon which the entire Jack's plot hinges. I... I don't even know what to say. Was this supposed to be funny?

What an Incredibly Lucky Coincidence

A guy needs a treasure to save his father. To find it, he needs the help of a notorious and legendary pirate. He looks for him everywhere, sailing on dozens of ships just so he has the remote chance to stumble across the pirate. The last ship he's been on has sinked, he's the only survivor. He's been found in the middle of the ocean and someone brought him to the nearest city. Which city? I mean, the one that has both the pirate he was looking for and a lady who's the only person in the whole planet who's able to find the treasure he was looking for! And, oh my... he finds the both of them! In that same city! Without even LOOKING FOR THEM! A hell of a coincidence, if you ask me. Also known as lazy writing.

What's Wrong With the Guards?

Now, I know Pirates of the Caribbean isn't exactly known for its accurate historical reconstructions, but why are the guards in this movie acting like they're some sort of hellhounds ready to kill anyone in sight? Even pirates and traitors as Jack and Henry were supposed to stand trial before being sentenced to death. It would've probably been an unjust and barbaric trial, but there should've been one. We literally saw it, in the previous movie. Why's Jack been sentenced to death for simply existing here? He gave pirate vibes and they decided that was enough?

Paul McCartney

This is not an actual point of the analysis, I just wanted to remind people that Paul McCartney is in this movie and that's the only valid reason to watch it.

Salazar

I am confused. Once again, I have questions.

El Matador Del Mar was so good at his job he had almost defeated piracy. "The last ones joined together to try and defeat me". The last what? Pirates? There were no pirates left? This happened when Jack was young, so a lot of time before the first movie, right? Where were, I don't know... Blackbeard? Davy Jones? Barbossa? All the other Pirate Lords? I might be wrong, but I guess Salazar didn't kill them, did he? Why weren't they there during that "last battle" in which "the last ones joined together"?

The Devil's Triangle. I just don't understand what's the logic behind it. So, this is a cursed place. Whoever enters there, can't get out. One would think it means that if you get there, you die; and Salazar does die, but he somehow also becomes a ghost whose only purpose is to find Jack Sparrow and have his revenge. So, do people become ghosts when they get in The Devil's Triangle? We have to assume people have gotten stuck in there before; otherwise, there wouldn't be legends around the place. So why isn't it like full of spirits ready to haunt people? Why are Salazar and his crew the only ones?

Poseidon or Calypso?

What's the Trident of Poseidon? Does Poseidon exist? Isn't Calypso the Goddess of the sea? Breaking the Trident, you break all the curses of the sea, so the Trident must be more powerful than Calypso, which leads to a question. Where is she? She IS the sea, right? So she must have known someone was about to find the Trident and brake all curses, including her one. She just decided it was okay? It really feels like someone decided to suddenly change the world's mythology without giving explanations.

The Compass

This is possibly the most blatant plot hole in the whole saga. Probably the most blatant plot hole I've ever witnessed, and man, I watched all the Harry Potter movies. In Dead Man's Chest, Jack meets Tia Dalma in her "shop" and he tells her he's looking for the Davy Jones' key. She asks him "The compass you bartered from me, it cannot lead you to this?", making another pivotal point of Dead Men Tell No Tales factually senseless.

That man couldn't have given his compass to Jack, because that wasn't his compass.

So either Salazar is lying while telling his tale or they forgot about that line in the second movie. Anyway, let's pretend that line doesn't exist; even if that captain gave Jack his compass in that exact moment, why would it be the key to free Salazar, exactly? How is the compass in any way related to The Devil's Triangle or to Salazar? In the movie, they try to explain it with a sentence: “if you betray it, your greatest fear comes true”. So, is Salazar Jack's greatest fear? I really doesn't seem right, Jack almost didn't remember Salazar when Henry mentioned him. To Jack, he's only a guy he outsmarted decades earlier. Also, Jack technically already gave the compass away, twice: to Elizabeth in Dead Man's Chest, to make her find the chest, and to Beckett in At World's End, when they're negotiating.

That's... That's Just Body Shaming, Mate

Let's talk about her. So, the woman's ugly. It can happen that a woman is ugly. Was it necessary to build an entire scene around some blatant body shaming? This scene wants to mimic the similar scene in Dead Man's Chest: Jack's on an island, running from the main villain, and he's forced to do things he doesn't want to do until someone saves him, then it was Will, now it's Hector.

Except in Dead Man's Chest it was LITERAL CANNIBALISM he was facing, and yet he looked LESS TERRIFIED and DISGUSTED. What's exactly the message here? Lads, is marrying an ugly woman worse than cannibalism? I don't know... that was just bad.

Justice for Hector Barbossa

If you know me (you probably don't, but if you do) then you know about my obsession with Hector Barbossa. I truly believe he's the best written character in the saga, and he's in my top five of the characters I love the most in all media. I watched The Curse of the Black Pearl when I was seven and I am autistic, so I had all the time to develop a literal relationship with these characters in my head. As much as Geoffrey Rush's interpretation was impeccable, as always, it really hurt to watch Hector in this movie. He just doesn't sound like him. First of all, why isn't he on the Queen Anne's Revenge? Why's he letting someone else sail around on his ships? He would've never. Why's he just sitting on a throne and shooting musicians instead of, I don't know... being a pirate? Being a pirate is the only thing that matters to him. He says it at the end of On Stranger Tides, and he even says it in this movie, to the witch. "I'm a pirate. Always will be".

So, why isn't he pirating? What happened to him? And what about the pact with the witch? He made her curse all his enemies; that's honestly the most out-of-character thing he could've done.

Seriously, watch this movie, and then The Curse of the Black Pearl and tell me he sounds like he's the same character. Then there’s his death... was it necessary? And I don't mean if it was necessary to the plot (it wasn't), but the way he died, did it make sense? He takes the sword and sacrifices himself to kill Salazar, but WHY? Salazar was back a mortal. They could've brought him to surface and then shoot him. What was the point of his death, Disney? I will never forgive you.

I would've preferred if they never showed him again. He's alive and living his best life in Tortuga, if you ask me.

How does Carina Smyth exist?

Let's do the maths. Carina Smyth has approximately the same age as Henry Turner, who was born around nine moths after the end of At World's End. At the end of that movie, Barbossa once again stole the Black Pearl (he's iconic we stan a legend), so we have to assume it is during that time (between the At World's End and On Stranger Tides) that he conceives Carina. He stays with this woman during the whole pregnancy, bacause he says he was there when she died. So nine months, at least, right? Except; Jack makes it clear that he and Barbossa met Carina's mom, Margaret, together.

When, exactly, did this happen? It can't be between On Stranger Tides and Dead Men Tell No Tales, because Hector himself says only five years passed between the two, and Carina doesn't look like a five-year-old;

it can't be between At World's End and On Stranger Tides, because we know Jack and Barbossa weren't together, and Hector was too busy losing a leg and planning his revenge by working for the King of England; it can't be during At World's End, because Barbossa was too busy rescuing Jack and then slaying (literally and metaphorically) Beckett's men to save piracy; it can't be during Dead Man's Chest, because he was dead; it can't be during The Curse of the Black Pearl, nor during the ten years before it, because he was... he was a skeleton, I hardly believe he could reproduce, despite what’s written in some fanficions; it can't be before, of course, because Carina would be too old. The only chance, but it's a stretch, is that Hector and Jack met this Margaret Smyth years and years before, and that at a certain point (while he was still busy slaying, losing a leg or planning his revenge), for some reason he decided to come back to her and accidentally had a daughter. That would mean that Jack remembered Margaret Smyth's name DECADES after he met her.

The Post-Credit Scene: What?

WHY'S DAVY JONES BACK? The Trident technically broke all the curses of the sea. He is THE cursed man of the sea. AND HE'S DEAD. The only answer I was able to give me, is that the moment the Trident broke the curses, the curse that said if you stab his heart he dies was also broken, so he technically didn't die, but it makes even less sense, because if the curses just aren't real anymore, then a man shouldn't be able to... carve out his heart and put it in a chest, right? (Which by the way, makes Will Turner being alive senseless as well). Even if so, Davy should've come back as a human.

My conclusion is that this movie should not exist, and we, as a community, should pretend it was never made. Hector is alive. Bye.

Imago

[sortamadwolves]

You know before watching Suits, you could have told me is was very heterosexual and I would have believed it. After watching Suits tho I realize this is anything but straight and you can't convince me otherwise. Between Harvey definitely being bi without being bi, Louis' constant inuendos (especially the scene with Louis calling Harvey a wild Stallion), and the way Harvey definitely has a thing for Mike with how much he thinks about him and sacrifices for him, this show is anything but straight.

[thrwne]

So

3x01 was a ride. I never would've guessed a beginning like that. Also I feel like it's the creators kinda throwing us a bone because we won't get any other happy Matherik scenes for a long time 🥲 anyway it was so sweet and the thought of Mathias dreaming of Erik and kissing him is bittersweet

Mathias looked so uncomfortable when the men on the boat made those homophobic jokes 😭 Mathias it'll be ok I promise

Mathias seeming so uncertain and lacking in confidence breaks my heart ngl

Øyvind sighting!! I hate that he's friends with Felix and the others

And, as expected, Felix is a cunt. Even the way he sits pisses me off. I didn't think I could dislike him more but here we are. I really like Olivia and can't wait for her and Mathias to become friends. I feel like she really notices things and will be a good friend to him (pretending I don't know that she'll out him and also sleep with Erik 💀)

Also this is foreshadowing and you can't convince me otherwise. Bi Olivia.

Synnøve what have you become 😔 I don't recognize her. And she's getting alcohol from her perv boss now? 💀

Mathias almost getting a neck injury from trying to peek over at Erik lmao

You angelic boy you deserve the world

Erik was so happy to see you Mathias!!!!! Why did you avoid his texts all summer!!!!!!!!

Knowing that Erik texted him "a thousand times" during the summer and Mathias didn't reply makes me scream. Erik literally wouldn't be friends with Felix now if you had replied to him 💀💀💀

This whole interaction was so sweet but awkward you can tell how much Mathias likes him 😔

Fuck off Felix

Mathias you deserve the world, I'm sorry you're gonna suffer

[lover-of-mine]

I think we moved on from the way Oliver said he was gonna play Buck as bi no matter what happened this season too fast, because the only person Buck would have constantly to show he's bi about is Eddie. Take that and the way it was supposed to be Eddie, Oliver and Ryan played that locker room scene thinking both of them were coming out of the closet and you can't convince me otherwise.

[arcticmarcy]

heyyyyy, what are you mcsm headcannons. You’re art is very cool and I’m intrigued 😋

Your*

Teehee anyway

I have a LOT i'm not getting into rn but. These are my blorbos I have a whole LIST

Mostly will be surrounded around Jesse (green suspenders ftw), Lukas and Petra since they're my favorites

To start, which is something i think should be more popular:

JESSE IS A THEATRE KID!!! You cannot convince me otherwise. That guy is dancing and singing around to the waitress soundtrack and I'm not taking no for an answer

Lukas' favorite animal is NOT an ocelot it's a serval but his idiot friends didn't care enough to put any thought into it (and servals don't exist in minecraft 😔) serval Lukas supremacy

Petra's prolly got a whole lotta scars under all those freaking layers she wears. Adventuring in the Nether, especially alone is not easy and you probably wouldn't come out of there unscathed

I'm a firm believer in Lukas was pining over Jesse for a while so he tried to not be mean to his friends but his own friends suck so bad. Aiden literally made me want to punch a hole in the wall and I left him to die in sky city <3. Lukas fell first for a while and it was bad. It was real bad. My guy was oblivious to his own feelings but Jesse was even more oblivious </3 he's a little slow in that department but they get there eventually

I'm also hopping on the gay Lukas and bi Jesse bandwagon. Petra is a lesbian, Olivia is pan and Axel is prolly straight. Idk I don't find him to be very interesting past his main arc in s1 but I haven't seen s2 yet so. NO SPOILERS!!

It's been foreshadowed before that Lukas is somewhat interested in history (Jesse makes a comment on how much he loved seeing the statues in Soren's cave and the giant library, he's so silly) when he isn't going on adventures or being a fag he's reading some kind of history book or looking at ancient artifacts he collects (like rocks <3) (can you tell im projecting) (im not trust)

Jesse can't sing for shit and neither can any of his friends. When they harmonize it's so bad it sounds astonishing - compared to Lukas who's va can sing his ass off. Angelic voice x the sound of god dying solidarity <3 (also the gorgeous brown eyes + the blue eyes that stare into your soul)

The amount of TENSION when Jesse and Lukas had that last talk before Lukas went to find his friends was so thick. I could feel it through the screen. "I'll always find my way back to you" HELLO? (ik that isnt the direct quote but its close) they shouldve kissed. Fuck you

There's just tension in general. Everyone can sense it except for them. Even Axel. Who's prolly straight or smth idk i'm working on that

Olivia is both their wingman. She confronts Lukas first and he can't deny it without looking stupid, and then Jesse starts questioning his life choices and she gets to work. It is a very long. Slow. Process. But it's worth it!!

That's all I can think of for now, tune in next time for more on the next episode of dragonball z

[janeiscompletelyfine]

Opinions Part 2

Part 2 of the opinions- this time, on ships that seem to be pretty popular. Sorry again for how long this is!

Hinny- Okay. It was the absolute best in the books, complete bi4bi and I was THERE for it. In the movies it was quite bad, and GInny was just generally so incredibly flat as a character. I like the idea of this coming into play, but maybe not as endgame.

Linny- Love this. The whole thing. I can see it being friends to lovers and then back to friends, but it could be something else, too.

Perciver- Why did nobody tell me about this? Hello? It's completely adorable and I love it beyond words. Absolutely endgame.

Romione- there's an artist (@rivaldii) who I've been following, and they do the cutest Romione posts that have totally won me over. Also, I've been reading the book series again (all already bought, not supporting You-Know-Who) and Ron is much sweeter there. He's a bit of an asshole in the movies at times.

Drarry- Welllll, okay. There's a lot of dickheadery from Malfoy, and I'm not sure how to address that. If he was just a sarcastic emo kid that would be fine, but he's like genuinely kind of a racist? Idk someone convince me, I'm not quite sold. I do have some an idea where he does something over a summer away from his parents (maybe when his fathe goes to Azkaban) which shows him how dumb he's been and then he apologizes. Like individually. And Harry's like woahhh.... okay now hold up.

Neville and Luna- I loved this even when I was, like, eight and still thought I was straight lol. They feel like they would be at the very least really good friends who sort of got each other, they were both singled out as odd at Hogwarts, but I think it could be a romantic thing too.

Katie and Leanne- Just you wait. I'm going to develop them into the lesbianest.

Parvender- It's sweet! It works much better in the books as I feel like Lavender is really heavy on the straight vibes in the movies. I suppose we shall see..... hmmmm.....

Dramione- Nope. Absolutely nope. My boy Draco is gay as absolute fuck and even has some internalized homophobia, yay.....

Hedric- this was Harry's bi awakening and you can't tell me otherwise.

Wolfstar- Yeah, I'm boring, but this is my favorite and will be included.

Deamus- Wolfstar variant right in Harry's room?! I love it and they're perfect for each other.

Harry and Ron- You know, it could happen. I think I might like Ron and Hermione a little too much at the moment to consider it fully.

Draco and Pansy (Dransy?!)- This happened because neither one had figured out that they were gay yet. This was how they figured it out.

Hermione and Pansy (oh, boy. Hansy? Like Handsy?)- Yeah, she was Hermione's bi awakening. Idk if endgame but shit went down fs.

Jegulus- It's not too relevant to the era because.... they're all dead (sobbing).... but I really want to hint at it.

Jily- It has to have been endgame for how I plan to start it, but it's cute anyway. Bi4bi.

Barty and one of them (can't decide at the moment)- There's a whole year where Barty is a teacher. Therefore he's in Hogwarts. Therefore I can be in his brain. And it will be gay.

Harmione- I see them more as best friends who are both bi, and talk about their crushes together.

Apparently I had more to yap about than I thought, sorry for the length of this. Lmk if I forgot some!

[kittehbiscuits]

ok as someone who doesn’t really care for musical beetlelands (don’t get me wrong i understand what the appeal is and it’s a fine ship)

i LOOOVE what u r saying about movie beetlelands. something about that dynamic just sounds… chefs kiss. thanks for opening my eyes

THANK YOU!!!!!! I'm so glad you agree and I am going to rant about movie Beetlands now

Okay first of all, Geena Davis and Alec Baldwin are both 6'0, and Micheal Keaton is 5'9, so........ the icky man is shorter than both of them /pos

I'm going to be real I think Moviejuice is a real shitty guy, he was alive in the 1300s so I'm sure he's misogynistic, womanizing, homophobic, transphobic, etc. But just like the other two juices I still headcanon him as pansexual and genderfluid. So, the beetlands relationship would force him to face those biases. (I also headcanon the Maitlainds as T4T and bi because I am cringe what did u expect)

Speaking of biases and generally being a mischievous and evil creature, I know that Barbara would put him in his place and no way in hell would he not listen to a beautiful women if she told him what to do. He'd try to convince the Maitlainds otherwise but he absolutely loves being bossed/dragged around because he is sick and vile and silly.

I love movie Maitlainds so so so so much like, Barbara seeing Delia talk about changing their house and going "I'm gonna get her." THEY'RE SO FUNNY and so madly in love they make me sick..... like the scene where they were sitting on the couch and the phone was ringing but everytime one stood up to get it the other pulled them back and they smooched while giggling like ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

Ummmm also *because* of that I also like the idea of Beetlejuice being the recipient of that affection... listen he would have to earn it first but also I can't stop thinking about that evil creepy icky guy being faced with cuddles and kisses and pretending he doesn't like it because he's totally above all that and love is for losers. But *also* relationships totally are NOT unfamiliar territory for him he's like super experienced totally wdym.

He would be a cool weird uncle figure for Lydia hjahxjaodbabdjcjejahcjsofbsbsbajcjajdhakrhcbabd and Lydia would make him realize he's genderfluid sorry I don't make the rules

I NEED TO BEAT HIM UP GRAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He would like it.

I hate that thing guys so much horrible character I get no enjoyment from his stupid face and I totally don't think about him 24/7 mhm yeah.

[not-salty-pckls]

Hobie Brown Headcannons because WHY THE FUCK NOT

uhh i made this on my computer so get ready for a hell of an hc dump

SFW:

If he lived in modern times, he would buy everything offbrand. Clothes, snacks, products, etc. (bro i need someone to draw hobie wearing shaqs, using a Michaelsoft Binbows PC, and eating creme betweens LMAO)

Would have a messy ass space, but never organize it because "it's easier to find things" or something like that.

(if he was dating you) If you weren't into punk music, he'd gradually get you into it by slowly giving you heavier songs to listen to. (hed probably start you off with blitzkrieg bop or smth)

HE WOULD GET ABSOLUTELY FLABBERGASTED WHEN SHOWN MODERN TECHNOLOGY. Like, if you placed a phone in front of him, he'd be like: "Woah, mate, this thing is amazin'!" LOL

(music related) He'd be on Blur's side in the Battle Of Britpop but he'd say Oasis to piss people off and get on their nerves

(if he was dating you): He'd steal little things from you, including jewelry, vinyls, books, pins, clothes, etc. and if you asked him where they were he'd act clueless

(if he was dating you): He wouldn't be jealous, like hes not insecure lol. He'd be ok with a lot of stuff actually

Owns a shit ton of posters, and you can't convince me otherwise.

HE FOLLOWS THE PUNK LACE CODES. DEFINITELY DOES. (his current ones mean: hates cops/cop killer)

He made all his own pins from scratch. Painted them, dried them, drew them, etc. He also made all the clothes he owns, even his spider suit

He always has chipped nail polish because he never bothers to redo it. Not to mention his hands would be crusty asf from fighting, guitar playing, so on.

HED BE GOOD AT ART. But, if he's drawing his art style would change every week or something lmaoo (just like me fr)

He would have a shit ton of money saving hacks to not support large businesses, and they would be hella helpful

(if you were dating him:) He would make fun of you all the time but comforts you if he actually hurt your feelings

I headcannon him as Abrosexual, but he could be Bi too, it depends

He has a complex ass routine for his hair, DEFINITELY. (his hair is cool as shit, hes gotta keep it that way somehow)

If he was in modern times, he would only play indie video games to not give big companies money

I feel like if he got shown all the fan content of him (and i mean ALL the fan content) he would either laugh, be confused, or just simply have no reaction

NSFW (i know you whores were waiting for this one):

he'd be 7 inches, a bit thick. He might have one vein on the side when hard.

He'd take his time with you for sure. He's a HUGE tease, and likes to do it until you're begging him for it.

(for the boys. 1/2) he'd be AMAZING at head, and prefers giving it than receiving it. Like he'd have you seeing stars tbh.

(2/2) He likes to tease you with his tongue piercing, and enjoys seeing you squirm, telling him to keep going.

Switch, for sure. He'd just say he's a top because he's a bit embarrassed to say he likes bottoming.

(for the girls, 1/2) I feel like he would love eating you out, ESPECIALLY if you're sitting on his face for it.

(2/2) When he asks you to sit on his face, he'd be blunt with it, and ask you to put all your body weight on him.

when I say he'd be kinky he would be KINKY. He'd be a huge sucker for BDSM and power dynamics honestly. He'd be up for anything, just nothing nasty..

If you were insecure about a certain part of your body, he'd pay attention to that one specific part of it, kissing on it and praising you for it.

i feel like he wouldn't get off often, as he could simply just ask you for it, but if he's away from you and can't control himself, he'd either get off to a picture of you or from his own imagination.

he would be great with his teeth. Giving hickies, biting, or even taking off your undergarments, he'd use his teeth for.

He'd be a fan of doing it in the bath or shower, as its clean, and you two could just wash up afterwards.

he's a masochist, period. Mental, or physical pain, he'd get hard from it.

AFTERCARE PERSON. Like, he could give you the most painful back-breaking sex in the world, and cuddle with you afterwards.

He would have hella stamina, like he could go all night if you wanted him to.

He'd have piercings in every place you could think of, even his dick.

⋆˙⟡♡

HOLY SHIT THAT TOOK ME SO LONG TO TYPE UP. PLEASE DONT FLOP I SPENT SO MUCH TIME ON THIS-

[the-delta-quadrant]

something that repeats itself over and over and over is that exclusionists don't understand the difference between one person and themselves, or one person and the entire community. they live for projection and generalisation. they live for an oversimplified mess.

we're seeing it now with mspec lesbians and lesbian men. someone states they're lesbian and attracted to men or speaks out in support of those who are and someone will immediately jump in and say "so you think that all lesbians are attracted to men?" as if someone stating their personal experience somehow makes it a universal truth, as if lesbians are a monolithic group.

the same thing happens when a trans man says he identifies as lesbian. someone will immediately jump in and say "oh, so you think me being a trans man attracted to women means i'm lesbian?" as if someone's personal experience is a universal truth, as if trans men are a monolith.

but this isn't new at all. REGs have always been awful at nuance. so much so that it often feels deliberate, to be honest. like a deliberate attempt to derail the conversation from the actual thing that's talked about, making it about a strawman that doesn't exist.

it happened with non-binary lesbians. "so all lesbians have to be attracted to non-binary people?" "so me being attracted to women as a non-binary person means i have to be lesbian?"

it happened with non-bi mspec people. "so because i'm attracted to people regardless of gender i can't call myself bi?" "so you think bi is exclusionary?"

it happened with aces not being comfortable being called bisexual, pansexual etc. "so you're reducing MY bisexuality to only sex?"

it happened with aces and aros labelling multiple orientations. "so you think everyone has to separate their sexual attraction from their romantic attraction?"

it happened with non-binary people. "so you think because i'm gnc i can't be a man/woman?"

and it probably happened with other identities before my time.

and for a group who loves to shout "non-binary isn't a single third gender", that loves to shout about how non-binary is not a monolith, they sure love treating basically every identity as one.

it's always the same. their response to other communities emerging and thriving is always that we're trying to take everything over with our ideas, that we want everyone to be like us, that we're somehow the ones that don't understand nuance. they think by stating our experiences we're trying to force our experiences into other people, despite us not randomly calling trans men lesbians without their consent, despite us not caring that people call all of their attractions collectively "pansexual", despite us not caring if people experience sexual and romantic people as one, despite us not forcing every trixic to be lesbian, despite us not caring that someone chooses the label bi over other mspec labels.

they also love to bring up real issues in this, trying to compare other people existing to real bigots, like people saying that asexuals not wanting to be called bisexual means that asexuals are just evil bimisics who oversexualise and fetishise bi people. and that's what makes it so much more believable to the people who aren't familiar with either side, because of course they agree that fetishising bi people is bad. they just don't realise that that's not what we're doing.

what we care about is inclusion. to not be erased. to not be demonised. to be respected. acknowledged. accepted. we want diversity, which includes people like and unlike us. but they think our existence is imposing something onto them. and this is honestly why i feel like there's no point in trying to convince REGs who are committed to their bullshit otherwise. it's no use. they'll just claim i'm trying to speak a universal truth by speaking my personal experience. they'll just keep using prescriptivist ideas and restrictive definitions of labels rather than treating identities like identities. they'll just go against everything that is queerness.

[bagel-muncher]

You're THE SOUKAN guy, tell me every single soukan HC you have IMMEDIANTLY (this is a threat btw :3)

I literally started typing this all up before I went to bed last night and I woke up to see this... get out of my head bestie. I am honored to be thought of as the Soukan guy lmao.

Some Soukan hc's because my brain is wrong

First off, I see Yu as bi and Kanji as pan.

Yu fell first. He has no clue when it happened, but at some point, Kanji just went from one of his best friends to someone he couldn't really do without. Still, Yu doesn't confess. If any of y'all have played the New Days fangame, I think of it like that dream Velvet Room thing with Kanji, where Yu worries that being in a relationship with Kanji would just make his life harder. He knows that if he does feel the same he'd just grin and bear it, but he doesn't want Kanji to have to deal with more rumors and assumptions about him than he already does.

Kanji is the one who confesses. It's the classic "one fell first, the other fell harder". Yu had time to come to terms with his feelings and let them be, Kanji realized he was head over heels for Yu and almost explodes trying not to let it slip every time they hung out. Surprise surprise, he doesn't last long and tries to make some big romantic gesture, only for it to fail miserably. Luckily, Yu found it adorable and they started dating.

Yu expresses his love through physical touch. He prefers being quiet to talking, so it's the easiest way to make sure the people he cares about know he loves them. He does his best not to be too obnoxious about it in public for Kanji's sake, but he's constantly holding his hand, leaning onto him, or otherwise invading his space. When they are alone though, he's super cuddly. Kanji can't do much of anything if it doesn't allow letting his boyfriend hold him while he does it.

Kanji is all about acts of service and gift-giving. Words are hard and he struggles to be as unabashedly affectionate as Yu. So instead, he makes use of his skills in sewing and cooking to constantly make him gifts or treat him to meals. Even if some part of him is still embarrassed about his hobbies, he feels a lot better about it since he's doing it for someone he loves who wholeheartedly supports him.

Comfortable silence is the name of the game with them. Yu prefers not to speak, Kanji never knows what to say without feeling like he'll make a fool of himself. Still, he always felt like he had to fill the void Yu made with his silence until Yu eventually was able to convince him he didn't have to.

THE cat dads of all time. Yu showed Kanji the neighborhood strays one day and now they have them all named and Kanji comes by to help feed them from time to time. Kanji mentions getting a cat or two when they eventually get their own place, and Yu teases him for already fantasizing about them living together. (He has already imagined a full wedding and everything his ass should NOT be talking)

Dojima had very mixed opinions on them dating at first. There was the whole thing about Yu dating a guy in the first place, which while making Dojima a bit confused at first, he got past pretty quickly. The bigger problem was that it was Kanji. Dojima knew he really wasn't a bad guy, but he was stubborn and had trouble being comfortable with a guy with his reputation dating his nephew. Nanako really likes Kanji though, and with how often Kanji shows up with Yu and helps out while he's there, Dojima does grow to accept it. There's still a level of "Dad who makes sure his daughter's bf knows he owns a shotgun" energy, but he lets them be as long as they're responsible.

On the other hand, Kanji's mother was over the moon when she learned they got together. Yu's a great guy, and she's overjoyed that not only has her son started to make some great friends, but he even managed to snag himself a boyfriend.

I think Nanako would absolutely love to learn they're dating. Even if she still thinks Kanji looks scary, he's very sweet to her and makes Yu happy, so she adores him. He's basically already her brother-in-law in her mind.

Yu and Nanako have a frankly ridiculous amount of plushies that Kanji made for them. Nanako is of course overjoyed by the gifts, but Yu is starting to run out of space on his shelf.

Since Dojima is usually out late, Yu invites Kanji over often to have dinner with him and Nanako. It's part date, part making the work easier on himself. It's the exact sort of domestic fluff one would expect, the three of them having a great time cooking and eating dinner before watching TV together (Yu using Kanji as a pillow the entire time, ofc) before Nanako eventually has to be put to bed. Yu constantly jokes about them living just like this when they grow up and if they decide to start a family, and Kanji's red even as he denies how much he'd like that. These nights usually end up with Kanji staying too late to be out and having to stay over or straight-up falling asleep on the couch. Yu always has to deal with a lecture from Dojima the next morning, but getting to cuddle Kanji all night makes it more than worth it.

Honestly, I could write waaaaay more but I feel this is enough for now and I probably should focus that energy on actually writing lol.

[sevensoulmates]

okay some things. tim choosing to call buck and eddie dynamic a coupling is a choice. also friendship is a core of that coupling, that's literally not platonic. it's saying friendship is the core of them, even when they get together. but beside the point tim singles out that he's had a lot of fun writing the buck and eddie dynamic this season. why just buck and eddie and we know tim wrote episode 6 which i'm starting to honestly think something happens between buck and eddie at the bachelor party and that causes a shit ton of angst because when tim means fun he means pain for us. oh also that article screams eddie breaks up with marisol in episode 5.

Like, sure, there's some plausible deniability to the word "coupling" but all of it in context with each other just makes it feel odd, ya know? But the articles aside, it's the amalgamation of things that feels like something's shifted.

I'm just firmly on the train that something is deepening with Buck and Eddie this season, whether that be their bond as co-parents, or shifting their dynamic to finally explore how they might be romantically. I swear to GOD, if there's even a hint that Buck is into Tommy, or literally anything about Bi Buck this season, I'm slamming that "Buddie will be canon and I can't be convinced otherwise!" button.

Friendship will always be the core of their relationship. I was just talking to my friend Zee @tawaifeddiediaz the other day, and I told her about a video essay I was listening to about eros (romantic/sexual love) and how eros is what sustains most romantic stories and basically that eros = the chase or the build-up to a potential romantic coupling 😉. That eros inherently ends when the relationship is consummated (ie they get together and are at a relationship equilibrium) and that just makes me think about the concept of people suddenly not caring about a ship once they get together (also known in fandoms as "moonlighting". I think with those ships it's usually due to over-reliance on eros or romantic chase tension so then when it's gone the relationship isn't interesting anymore.

This is all to say that the buddie relationship has not been built on eros. It's been built on platonic, familial, friendship, and commitment-based love all before it ever gets to the sexual/romantic love. And so, to me, as a firm buddie-truther, that's why when they actually get to that phase where they do explore the romantic/sexual aspect of their relationship, Buddie won't lose momentum or become boring or have people lose interest, it most likely will end up being more interesting/complex and beloved ship.

If ANYTHING happens between Buck and Eddie at the bachelor party or at the wedding, I'm once again slamming that "BUDDIE IS HAPPENING and I can't be convinced otherwise!" button. Because come on? You can't expect to give them tension at wedding-adjacent things (that are literally all about reinforcing ROMANTIC bonds) and not expect me to see that as the writers confirming Buddie will end up in the same spot eventually.

And about episode 5...once again, I am an Eddie/Hardware-Store-Flirtation Marisol break up at the end of episode 5 truther. I will not be convinced otherwise unless I see the episode myself or if the actors post about filming more past that. Either way, Hardware-Store-Fliration Marisol isn't and could never be Mr. Edmundo Diaz's endgame and I'm not even a little bit worried about her.