#he's always just wanted to be himself and have his things and have peace and freedom

[itneverendshere]

LOVED YOU AT YOUR WORST - r.c series - SIX

pairings: ex!sweethearts; rafe x thornton!reader; rafe x sofia. chapter warnings: mention of pregnancy; abortion; lack of self-care; drug and alcohol addiction;

Rafe had been clean for the past three years.

Over the course of the year, things between him and you had been smooth sailing. 

It was almost easy, something he wouldn’t have believed a few years back when everything he touched seemed to go up in flames. There’d been a time when he was just too much—angry, impulsive, doing all the wrong things for all the wrong reasons.

He’d been selfish, reckless, it was intense, way too intense, and when you fought, it was like you were both throwing grenades, just waiting to see who’d blow up first. You’d pushed him away, he’d pushed you harder, and you’d both crossed lines that should’ve never even been close.

Eventually, both of you learned to talk instead of shouting, learned when to back down instead of pushing buttons just to get a reaction. You’d gotten better at letting each other breathe. He’d pull back when he felt himself getting heated, and you’d do the same.

It wasn’t perfect; sometimes you’d still get into it, still end up in an argument that felt like old times, but it was different. There were no more lines on the bathroom counter, no disappearing at all hours. 

Until Ward died. 

Rafe didn’t know what the fuck to feel when he got the news. He knew what he was supposed to feel, right? He’d done it before with his mom, now it was his dad’s turn. The man who had raised him, the one to teach him everything he knew about how the world worked, even if it wasn’t pretty. 

Ward was a hard man, a strong man. The kind of guy who commanded respect, even if he didn’t always show it the way others might expect. But that’s the thing, he was a man of respect. 

To Rafe, that meant something. Everything. 

Ward had shaped him, he couldn’t just forget that, couldn’t act like that wasn’t important.

At first, you were there for him, no question. 

He knew you hated Ward, you barely tolerated the thought of him even existing in the same room as you. You spent those first few weeks with him, making sure he didn’t spiral back into the shit that nearly destroyed him. He needed the support, even if he didn’t always know how to ask for it.

You were there, holding it down. You got through it, the late-night talk, but then, you started getting distant.

At first, it was subtle—small things. He’d catch you looking at him like you didn’t quite get him anymore. You’d pull away when he needed you to listen, when he was ranting about Ward, and even though you tried to hide it, Rafe could see the dissociation.

He pretended he didn’t sense it, tried to tell himself you’d come around. 

After all, this was his grief, and no one else was going to understand it the way he did. His dad had been everything to him—maybe not in the way you thought he should’ve been, but that was just the reality of it.

For the first time in years, it felt like you weren’t there with him. It didn’t make sense to him how you couldn’t see it. 

Ward had been a tough guy, sure, cruel sometimes, but he was also a provider, a father who tried to teach him how to survive, even if it didn’t always come wrapped in the right way.

He wasn’t perfect, but he was the only father Rafe had ever known. He was gone all of a sudden and that was what had hurt the most—knowing he’d never get the approval he’d always been chasing, even when he was clean, even when he was doing better. There was no fixing that. 

He wanted to mourn in peace, but no one seemed to understand why Ward still mattered to him, not even Sarah.

Three weeks after the funeral he spent his days surrounded by a few bottles of scotch he’d stolen right out of his dad’s stash. Who was gonna stop him now, anyway? He almost laughed. Three years clean. Shit, that was something, wasn’t it?

He’d had people telling him he wouldn’t make it three weeks, let alone three years. Shit, his dad sure didn’t think he’d get this far. Only you.

Rafe squinted at the amber liquid swirling in his glass, then leaned back in the worn leather of his dad’s old armchair. It felt weird being in here, in his chair, in his office, breathing in that persistent smell of old cigars and varnish.

After the whole “funeral”, with everyone looking at him like he was a wild animal about to snap, this was the only place he could sit without someone judging him.

If you’re so clean, why are you drinking yourself half to death? He took a slow sip, letting it burn down his throat. 

It wasn’t like it used to be, that high that hit fast and hard, and didn’t care if it broke him apart.

This was different, a slower, quieter process.

Besides, he was in control this time. Just a drink, he told himself, fingers tightening around the glass. No powder, no pills. That was progress.

So what if he had to take the edge off? Who wouldn’t, if they’d just said goodbye to their only living parent and had to look at their younger sisters crying like that? 

He was practically swimming in alcohol. Rafe knew he was overdoing it, but he didn’t care.

Every time he saw himself— on a window, mirror, whatever—he had a drink in his hand, and something about it just felt terrifyingly right.

Grounded.

Nobody understood him; they just kept looking at him with that worried face, like he was on the verge of losing it like he used to when he was younger. Maybe he already had.

You watched him—really watched him—and yeah, he could tell you were pissed. He saw it in that little wrinkle between your eyebrows every time he took another sip. But you didn’t say anything. 

Even Wheezie was on his case in her quiet way.

She was hanging around, throwing out old jokes and trying to make him smile, but he barely reacted. She was looking at him like she was scared, as if he was some stranger she was trying not to set off. And he hated that—God, he fucking hated it. So he kept his distance, hoped she would back off, let him get through this his way.

But then came that night at the beach bonfire, when everything changed.

He probably shouldn’t have gone, but he needed to get out and feel normal again—even if that just implied showing up and pretending, he was fine. He dragged you along, flashing that cocky grin you could see right through, but you followed anyway, probably just to keep an eye on him. He could feel it—the way you were watching him, worried as hell, that just made him want another drink.

Half the people were staring, too. Waiting to see if he was gonna go off, if he was back to the same volatile Rafe he used to be, the one they loved watching spin out. And just when he thought he could ignore it, some random pogue, scruffy, half-drunk, threw out a comment loud enough for the whole group around him to hear.

“Guess Ward Cameron finally found some gold he couldn’t buy his way out of, huh? What was he thinking, running off to some country where people don’t just take bribes? Practically killed himself.”

It took everything in him not to lunge right there, but he was too plastered to keep the anger off his face. He pushed his way over to the guy, hands clenched into fists.

“You got something you want to say to my fuckin’ face?”

The guy shrugged, muttering something under his breath, people were looking now, everyone watching to see if he was finally going to give them a show.

Before he knew what he was doing, he was shoving him back, hard enough that the dude stumbled, beer splashing out of his cup. The crowd around them stirred, murmurs, but nobody did a thing—they were just staring, waiting to see the blood spill. He felt tempted to hurt someone, felt that cameron fury crawling up his throat.

It didn’t matter that he was twice as drunk as he should be; all that mattered was the way his father’s name was rolling off this nobody’s lips.

He felt you grab his arm, long nails digging hard enough to pull him back, he jerked his shoulder, trying to shake you off, but you weren’t letting go.

“You’re gonna waste your time on him?”

Rafe gritted his teeth, but you didn’t give him a chance to argue. You hauled him back, forcing him away from the guy, who was still standing there with that smug look plastered on his face. 

“Get out. Now,” you urged him, voice calm but with the tone that even he didn’t want to test. He glared at you, mouth opening to argue, but you didn’t let him get a word in. “Rafe. Now.”

You were mad at him.

It was enough to knock some sense into him, and he let you reel him away, but not before you turned back.

“And you,” you called out, enough to silence the chatter around you. “Keep your fuckin’ mouth shut.” 

There was no bluff, no hesitation, and Rafe watched as the pogue’s smug expression dropped instantly, eyes widening as he realized you were dead serious, your family’s name always had an impact around town, old money and all.

As you dragged him to the car, he muttered that he didn’t need you playing bodyguard, but you ignored it, taking him out of the spotlight he hated but couldn’t seem to avoid.

His head was spinning, his blood boiling, and he couldn’t even look at you, not with how angry he felt.

By the time you pulled up to his house, you got out, guiding him inside with that hard, that silent determination he both hated and admired in you. 

You were there, right behind him with that look on your face—angry, disappointed, like he was missing something big, as if he was the one who didn’t get it.

He stumbled into the bathroom, holding himself against the sink, and before he could even catch his breath, you turned on the faucet and splashed cold water in his face. He jerked back, sputtering, wiping it with the back of his hand. When he looked at you, his anger burned again.

“What the fuck is your problem?” he snapped.

“My problem?” you scoffed head already shaking, “Are you serious?”

“You don’t get it,” he growled, barely controlling the rage, the shame—everything. “You don’t know a fuckin’ thing about him. I had the right to defend him.”

You took a step forward, finger pointed at your chest, “Don’t I? Because I remember standing in this very house, watching him tear you down every chance he got. You’re so busy mourning this man who treated you like shit, that you’re pushing the people who care about you away. It’s not just me. It’s everyone.”

Rafe laughed bitterly, the sound humorless. “Oh, here we go,” he muttered, rolling his eyes as he turned back to the sink, gripping the edge hard enough to make his knuckles turn white.

“Don’t you dare roll your fucking eyes at me,” you retaliated, stepping up beside him. “I stood by you through all of it, I’m not gonna stand here and watch you kill yourself because of him. He’s the reason you felt like you had to be so perfect all the time, why you’re always trying to prove yourself to people who don’t deserve it. And now he’s gone, and you still can’t see it. You’re still trying to be good enough for him!”

He didn’t look at you, didn’t want to see the indignation—or worse, the pity—in your eyes.

“Just stop,” he muttered, but you were past listening.

“No, I won’t stop. I can’t. I can’t keep watching you do this to yourself again. You’re better than this.”

He suddenly pushed himself away from the sink, and turned to face you, his blue eyes practically black with a hurt that was older and deeper than either of you could touch.

“You don’t get to stand there and tell me what I deserve.”

“I know what you deserve.” 

He scoffed, rolling his eyes again, though his face had gone a shade paler. “You think you know everything, don’t you?” he sneered. “Think you know what’s best for me? Get off your high horse.”

“You’re damn fucking right I know better than you do, I’m not the one who’s drowning every night in some pathetic tribute to a man who wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire.”

He could feel it now, the bitterness you’d been hiding for weeks. It wasn’t just about him drinking himself stupid. It was everything—every fucking thing you’d been ignoring, it had festered between you two while you pretended things were okay.

“You’re the one who’s just tired of me, of everything that comes with me.”

You took a step back, eyes narrowing, but you didn’t flinch.

“What?” Your rage momentarily dialed down, the sound gurgling, “You think I’m tired of you? I’ve been here this whole time, trying to make you see the truth, but you won’t even look at me. You won’t let me in. You’re too fucking blind to notice.”

His breath was shaky, too fast, but he didn’t care. “So now I’m blind, huh? I didn’t see you sneaking out the door when I needed you? I didn’t notice how you pulled back, how you stopped giving a fuck about me? You’re just waiting for me to give you an excuse to leave.”

You opened your mouth to argue, but he wasn’t done.

“You don’t get it! I didn’t need you to fix me, I needed someone to stay. But instead, you—" His voice cracked, the anger choking him up, "Instead, you started to make me feel like I was a b-burden. Some mess you had to clean up. How am I supposed to deal with that, huh?"

You were shaking your head, your eyes had already been filled with tears, your chest suffocating.

“I’ve been here. I’ve been standing right next to you, waiting for you to pull your shit together. I didn’t walk away. You did.

His stomach churned, as if you’d taken every inch of space in his chest and twisted it, just for fun. The worst part was, he couldn’t even argue with you. Not really. He had been so wrapped up in his own shit, so obsessed with keeping everyone out, that he hadn’t even seen how far you’d already gone.

“Don’t. Don’t you dare try to make this about me,” he spat, the words ugly in his mouth, it felt like they were scraping their way out of him. “You don’t get to make me the villain in your story just because you’re tired of playing my fucking hero.”

“I’m not trying to play the hero!” you screamed, stepping closer, your eyes were cold. “I’m trying to help you see that you have to fix this. Not me. Not anyone else. But you. And if you’re so fucking broken you can’t see that, then maybe you really don’t need me.”

The silence that followed was thick, suffocating. Rafe could feel his heart racing, that agonizing coil in his chest, but he couldn’t stop.

“Maybe you’re right,” he said, voice quieter, but just as venomous.

He turned his back on you, walking to the door. The sound of his boots clamped against the wood floor like a countdown.

“Maybe I don’t. Grab your shit and go.”

"Don’t you fucking—" you snarled, but he was already moving, grabbing your jacket off the hook by the door and throwing it your way, “You know what? Fine. Maybe I will.” You shoved that stupid thing on, hands shaking as you yanked the zipper up. “Don’t come running back in two days like you always do. Don’t come crawling back.”

Rafe paused, hand on the doorknob, his jaw clenched so hard you could see the muscle ticking.

He didn’t turn around, didn’t look back at you.

“I don’t need you to feel sorry for me.”

“Good. Because I stopped feeling sorry for you a long time ago,” you replied sharply, every syllable punctuated with weeks of resentment. “What I feel now? That’s just disappointment.”

You watched his shoulders lock up; his whole body wound so tight it was like he was one wrong look away from completely losing it. He didn’t turn around either, even as you slipped out the door, but he knew.

That was it.

Two moths later, almost three, he was standing in front of the ER pacing like a complete fucking idiot after you passed out in his arms earlier.

He’d told himself he’d stay away, make it easy for both of you. 

That shitty plan had gone down the drain once he saw you speed away at that party with absolutely no regard for your safety or Topper’s. He’d seen that wild look in your eyes before—the one that said you were about to burn it all down. Or when your dad’s gala came around, and he couldn’t sleep properly knowing he wasn’t going to be there that year, knowing how you spiraled every time you had to step on that stage.

He had stupidly thought that maybe, one day, you two could still be friends. But today? That shit blew up in his face, for the second time in the span of a week.

He forgot what you could invoke in him when you were standing merely an inch away. He promised himself that he’d moved on, forced to consider that the love of his life might not be someone he could spend his lifetime with. Maybe you weren’t meant for each other.

But how the fuck was he supposed to act when the girl who had been everything to him was hurting? 

No, no, no.

Sofia was what he needed.

Someone who didn’t know shit about his past, who didn’t ask questions he didn’t want to answer. She hadn’t seen him the way you had, hadn’t been there through every drunken rant and punch he’d thrown at the wall or someone’s face, hadn’t heard him rail against his dad or drag himself back from one of his darkest nights. 

She hadn’t called him a fucking idiot when he chose to throw his father’s ashes on the ocean. She wasn’t going to call him a coward for it. She didn’t have a clue about any of it, and that was supposed to be what he wanted.

He looked up at the ER doors for the millionth time in the past hour, his fingers clenched around his jeep keys so tight they left marks on his hand.

It was over between you two. He’d make sure to keep the fucking distance, two whole months. If he didn’t give you enough closure, you’d hate him faster and you’d both get over it. 

So why the fuck was he about to set the whole hospital on fire as he watched John B’s beat up twinkie pull up to the parking area? It shouldn’t have surprised him, but it did. 

Of course you’d call her, his own sister—his father's favorite.

Sarah had always been the golden child, Ward’s little angel who could do no wrong, while he was the family screw-up. Even now, you’d picked her, just like Ward would have. 

He didn’t think before he moved, closing the distance between him them in seconds. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He barked right up in her face, daring her to explain herself.

Sarah didn’t back down, though. She just looked up at him with that same cool, level expression she always had whenever he tried to get a rise out of her. 

“I’m here because she called me.”

“She called you?” He scoffed, eyebrows pulling together in disbelief. “You? She called you?” He took a step closer, “So what, you’re her savior now or some shit? Why the hell would she call you if I’m right here?” His eyes narrowed, searching her face like he couldn’t believe it. “Are you kidding me?”

Sarah threw her hands up, a look of pure exasperation on her face.

“Are you dense, Rafe? You’re with someone else! Why would she want the guy who broke her heart to drive her home?”

He blinked, thrown off. “I broke her heart? She broke mine!” He laughed, but it was harsh, bitter. “I did us a favor. We were just—”

“Oh, right. A favor?” Sarah cut in, voice dripping with sarcasm. “That why you’re pacing out here like a goddamn lunatic?”

“Go away. I’m driving her home.”

She stepped closer, her voice steely as she looked him dead in the eye.

“No. She called me, she wants me here. Not you. So do yourself a real favor and go home before you do something even more stupid.”

A breathless chuckle escaped his lips, “She already hates me, Sarah. What’s the fucking harm, huh?” He threw his arms out, as if daring her to come up with an answer that would hurt less. “What’s one more screw-up on top of everything else?”

“You’re real dumb if you believe that. But if you wanna make it worse, then by all means, go ahead. You’ll just prove her right.”

He stayed rooted in place, chest heaving, the conflict ripping him to pieces. His hands shook, his throat tight with words he couldn’t even begin to understand.

But Sarah had already turned her back on him, heading toward the entrance.

“Walk away,” she warned him, looking over her shoulder, “That’s the only thing left for you to do right now.”

Rafe didn’t know why the fuck he listened to her.

It was as if his body had already made that decision for him, understanding that if he didn’t leave right then, he’d end up doing something stupid—something even more fucked up than what he’d already done. His tongue was locked in place, a curse on the tip of his pursed lips, but it never came. 

His feet wouldn’t move, his hands stayed at his sides, and that tightness in his throat wouldn’t let him get a single word out, not one that would make any fucking sense. He hated that. Hated that you still had this kind of control over him.

Hated that he just…felt like something was wrong.

You hadn’t been this frantic, so impulsive since he had to take you home after your sister passed. He didn’t want to remember that night—you damn near threw yourself out of his truck.

But he couldn’t ignore the memory, the desperation on your face, the screams, the fight in his grip as he pulled you by your shirt back inside.

He’d felt like he was holding on to something breaking apart in his hands, something he couldn’t fix but couldn’t let go of either. He’d seen it again in your eyes when he’d caught you earlier at the beach clean-up, the way you’d tried to dodge his stare, voice cracking, legs wobbling when he mentioned the hospital. 

Rafe still felt like he’d swallowed shattered pieces of glass every time he thought about you. And if he could just push it down, if he could just get through one fucking day without looking back, maybe he’d start to forget you.

His feet were glued to the hospital pavement, his heartbeat thundering in his ears. If you were about to crash, if this was anything like before…He didn’t know what the fuck he was going to do.

He had no reason to stay, you’d made it clear as day. He was supposed to be gone—out of your life for good. You’d told him you didn’t need him, he told you he didn’t need you. So why the hell was he still standing here? 

Perhaps because he remembered the last time he’d let you walk out, the way he’d watched you disappear, thinking he was doing the right thing—giving you the clean end you’d both needed.

Maybe that made him sick to his stomach now, thinking of you in there with Sarah, telling his sister things you wouldn’t say to him, letting her be the person he once was to you.

But you’d called her, not him. You’d picked Sarah to be here, and that hurt like a bitch, but it was what he’d asked for, wasn’t it?

This was what he deserved. He told you to grab your shit and go, forced you to leave because that was supposed to make it easier.

He’d impulsively made his choice the minute he’d wrapped his arm around Sofia, pulling her close in front of everyone who’d once known he was yours. He’d talked himself into it. It was the right call, moving on was the only way to finally get you out of his system. 

He was the one who decided it’d be easier to act like he forgot you than to actually try. He thought he could make it easy—pain-free.

Rafe pinched the bridge of his nose as he walked back toward his Jeep. He gripped the door handle so hard he could break it in half if he wanted to, feeling his knuckles strain.

If he let go, if he closed that door and stormed inside, he’d just be right back where he started.

He stared at his reflection in the window, his hardened face staring back. His pulse was pounding in his temples, his gut twisting and turning as he tried to bury it all six feet under—the need to just go to you, to hold your hand or yell at you for making him care so fucking much.

He finally released the death grip he had on the door handle, forcing his fingers to relax, his knuckles still throbbing. He slid into the driver’s seat, the cold leather you’d help him choose, mocking at his skin as he slammed the door shut.

With a quick flick of his wrist, he threw the car into drive, the tires screeching as he peeled out of the parking lot.

He drove like he was being hunted down. He wanted to get as far away from that place as possible, praying the miles between him and you would stop the churning inside him. 

You’ll just prove her right.

He hated her for saying it, hated Sarah for knowing exactly what buttons to push. 

As he rounded a curve, his headlights swept across Topper’s house. Rafe cut the engine and stalked toward the backyard. Topper’s sprawled-out form on a reclining chair, arms crossed over his chest, sunglasses somehow still on evenly.

He stomped up and smacked the end of his chair.

"Wake the fuck up."

He jolted, nearly tumbling off the chair, ripping his sunglasses off and squinting up at him. “Jesus fucking christ, dude, ever heard of calling ahead?”

But Rafe didn’t answer. He just paced, hands in his growing hair, digging into his scalp like he could rip the frustration out of his skull. Topper sighed, propping himself up on one elbow, he didn’t even look at him, just kept muttering to himself, biting his lip, pacing.

“What the hell happened?”

Finally, he stopped, “I need you to find out what’s wrong with your cousin,” he muttered, not wanting to admit he cared enough to ask.

Topper blinked, brow furrowing. “What do you mean, what’s wrong with her?”

Rafe only shook his head, hands on his hips as he stared at the ground. “I don’t know, okay? She just…she’s acting off. And I can’t—I’m not supposed to care, Top. I’m not. I’m with Sofia now, alright? But she’s still…” His voice trailed off, as he scrubbed a hand down it.

Topper tilted his head, eyeing him knowingly.

“Right, yeah, whatever you say. I’ll figure it out.”

If Sarah Cameron didn’t walk through that hospital door within the next three minutes, you’d lose all the courage you’d summoned over the last hours. Or was it just an hour? You weren’t sure how long you’d been lying there, the IV needle taped uncomfortably into your arm. 

Your fingers curled into the thin blanket draped over you, and you wished—desperately—that you didn’t feel so…empty.

Ten minutes later, she strode in with a glance at the door, as if she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to get there on time. The relief on her face when she saw you was reassuring but it only made the confusion in your chest heavier.

She was so different from Rafe, yet still looked so much like him. She sat in the chair by the bed, eyes scanning your face like she was trying to gauge just how bad it was.

“Hi.”

You swallowed, blinking up at the ceiling to keep the tears at bay.

“Thanks for coming.” 

“Of course,” She reached for your hand where it lay on top of the blanket, hesitating for a split second before giving it a reassuring squeeze. “You okay?” 

You felt a laugh bubble up, “Not even a little.”

She let out a small breath and nodded, squeezing your hand again. “I figured,” she said quietly, and you appreciated that she didn’t pretend to have some miracle answer, “I made him leave.”

She’d made him leave.

You could imagine his face distorted with anger.

You wondered if he’d put up a fight or if he’d just walked away,  giving in to his sister in that infuriating, self-pitying silence he’d perfected.

You weren’t going to ask, the less you knew, the better.

“Good.” You were relieved, but it felt bittersweet, “I didn’t want him here.” 

Except your voice shook, like it simply had to let her know you were lying.

You’d been telling yourself for so long that you didn’t need him—that you didn’t want him anywhere near you. But the second you pictured him there, waiting… God, you hated yourself.

Hated that tiny, pathetic part of you that still wanted him to care, even if it was just a sliver of anything that wasn’t anger or flat-out ignoring you.

“He threw a hissy fight, but don’t worry. He’s not coming back.”

You nodded, half in agreement, half in frustration, “He never listens.”

“Especially when it matters,” Sarah added, rolling her eyes. “I swear, sometimes I think he just likes to make things worse for himself. And everyone else.”

You recalled the sound of his footsteps trailing yours earlier, the way his hand had hovered near you when you swayed, the wild look on his face when you told him to back off. He had seemed…hurt. Like he wanted to fix something he’d already smashed to pieces.

“I don’t want to talk about him.”

She respected that—she wouldn’t insist. There was a lot to unpack when it came to Rafe, but you didn’t need to go there right now. She could tell.

"Okay. Do you want to tell me why you called me and not Topper?”

There wasn’t any judgment in her tone—just plain curiosity, confusion. And you couldn’t blame her. If the roles were reversed, you’d be asking the same thing.

You had to bite your lips to avoid crying for the hundredth time that day. You hadn’t planned on telling someone the biggest secret of your life in a public space, or after nearly having a mental breakdown.

Not like this, with the IV in your arm.

"I—" you started, the words tangled in your throat. "I don't trust him," you admitted quietly, "I don’t trust him with this.”

This.

You turned your head to look out the window, the late afternoon light pouring through the blinds, but it never touched the void you felt inside. 

“He’s too close. He wouldn’t get it. I needed someone who could just… not be involved, you know? I mean—You’re still his sister but—”

Sarah’s already frowning, interrupting your pitying party, “Sweet girl, you don’t have to explain your reasons to me. I’m listening either way. I don’t know what’s going on, but I get it, I understand why you’d want to keep him out of this.”

“You’re the only one I can trust to keep this a secret,” you confessed, “If anyone finds out—if Rafe finds out—it’s over. I’m not ready for that.”

A shadow crossed Sarah’s face, her lips pressing into a thin line. She didn’t ask questions about what you meant—about how Rafe had ruined things before. She didn’t need to. 

“I won’t tell him,” Sarah promised, her grip tightening on your skin. “It’s safe with me. I’ve got your back.”

You closed your eyes, breathing out slowly.

This was hard, harder than anything you’d ever done before, and that was saying something considering all the shit you went through when your family died. She had no idea what you were about to say, and you couldn’t help but wonder if it would change everything between you—between you and her, and you and everyone else.

"Sara, I—" The truth choked you once more, cutting you off. You couldn’t breathe.

Your chest felt vacant, something was missing, something that you didn’t know how to fix, but you had to say it. It was the only way out.

“Are you—" she started to ask, but you quickly shook your head. You could hear the hesitation in her voice.

"Just… just let me tell you,” You begged, pushing the words out before you lost them. “I-I’m pregnant,” you finally blurted out, as if confessing it all at once could make it easier.

But it didn’t. 

You didn’t dare look at Sarah right away. 

Your eyes were stuck on the ceiling, blinking rapidly, you didn’t need her to see how much this was breaking you or how terrified you were. You could feel her eyes on you now, and your hand clenched around the blanket, your knuckles white from the lack of circulation. 

Then, slowly, Sarah squeezed your hand again, she was giving you a moment to breathe, even though you didn’t feel like you deserved it.

“Rafe’s?” she asked quietly, confirming what you already knew she understood.

You nodded, not needing to say it aloud; she could sense the truth in the way your chest hitched, how you couldn’t bring yourself to meet her eyes.

“God,” Sarah breathed out, "And you... you want to...?"

You nodded again. She wasn’t asking if you were sure; you could hear it in the hesitation of her question. She was asking if you were ready to make the choice.

“I don’t want this,” you choked out, the tears finally breaking free. “I can’t have it, Sarah. I can’t. I’m not ready for that. I’m not sure I even know what I want anymore," you spit the doubt out with the brokenness you felt, wiping the traitorous tear that traced down your cheek. "I don’t know what to do."

“I’m here. Whatever you need, however you need to do this—I’m here,” she promised, making sure you wouldn’t float away.

“I can’t… I just… I don’t want him to find out,” you managed between shallow breaths. “If he knew, he’d… I don’t know what he’d do. Maybe it’s stupid, but I don’t want him to look at me like… like he owns me something.”

Sarah nodded, not a hint of judgment on her face, “He won’t know a thing from me, I swear. He’ll never have any say in this, not unless you want him to. This is your choice, no one else’s.”

You didn’t know you’d been holding your breath, but it came out all at once in a shaky exhale.

“Thank you. I just… I didn’t know who else I could ask.”

“Hey,” she said, her voice gentle. “This? This is exactly what I’m here for. I’ve got you, no matter what.”

The empathy there, the way she held space for all your broken pieces.

“New Mexico’s clinic rules… they won’t let me go through with it alone. They said I need someone with me.” You took a shaky breath. “I can’t imagine anyone else but you there, Sarah.”

“Then I’ll be there,” she said, without hesitation. “I’ll get the tickets, we’ll go together. And if you feel like breaking down, then break down, because you don’t have to keep any of this in anymore.”

Her words broke something in you that had been holding everything so tightly. The relief, the gratitude— “You’re really… You’d really do this for me?”

“Of course,” she murmured, pulling you close so your head rested against her shoulder, her fingers brushing through your hair soothingly. “Sweet girl, I’d do this a thousand times over.”

“I mean—he’s your brother. I don’t want to mess things up between you two even more.”

She sighed, giving a small, sad smile, almost like she’d been waiting for you to say that. “You think he’s my priority right now? Don’t you worry about me and him, we always figure it out. Trust me, I’m used to it.”

“He might hate me for this. And if he takes that out on you…” You couldn’t finish.

“Listen to me,” she sighed, “I’m here because I care about you. Rafe and I, we’ll always have our issues—he’s stubborn, and he thinks he has all the answers. But that’s our problem. He’ll never have a say over what I do or who I’m there for. Especially not with this.”

You swallowed hard, “I don’t want you to regret it.”

She gave a wry laugh, brushing a piece of hair back from your face. “You don’t have to protect me from him, remember? He’s my brother, yeah, I love him despite all our shit, but I’m not here for him right now. I’m here for you.”

“You’re sure?” you asked, the question a whisper, almost childlike. You were afraid of the answer, terrified she’d eventually pull away.

“Of course I’m sure,” she replied, tilting your chin so you’d meet her eyes. “Whatever’s going on with Rafe will figure itself out—But right now, you need someone who’s all in, no strings, no doubts. That’s me. You focus on you. I’ll handle him.”

You looked down at your hands, fidgeting with the edge of the blanket, “I don’t think he loves me anymore,” you admitted, almost hoping she wouldn’t hear it, “I was so mean when your dad died.”

When you finally looked up, Sarah was watching you with a sad smile, one that made your heart hurt in both comfort and ache. “You really believe that?” she asked quietly, and you could hear the disbelief in her voice as if it was so obvious to her, something you couldn’t see.

You nodded, swallowing down the sting in your throat. “He doesn’t want me, not really. He’s…he pulled away. Like he’d rather hate me than be close to me. He’s with her.” 

The words tasted bitter, and made you want to hurt him twice as bad, but there was finally some relief in saying it out loud.

She sighed, looking down for a second, almost like she was thinking how to tell you something that hurt her to admit.

“I don’t think that’s the problem,” she murmured, with a knowing sadness. “I think the problem is that you two will never stop loving each other. He’s still hurting from dad’s passing, he’s angry because he doesn’t know how to stop loving you. And you—you’re here, angry that he loved my dad so much, hurt that he left, trying to protect me from him, still worrying about me when you should be focusing on yourself. You’re scared he doesn’t care anymore, and he’s scared you don’t need him at all."

Your lips quivered, your heart about to leap out of your throat, your tongue darted out, briefly brushing your lips.

You weren’t sure you should say it out loud, but maybe you had to. “We’re better off without each other, aren’t we?”

“You’re allowed to be someone without him, and you’re allowed to find out who that is.”

You were slipping, falling back into that spiral of guilt and shame, the one that told you maybe this was all you were good for. Maybe Rafe was right to break things off, perhaps he’d realized that, in the end, you weren’t worth fighting for.

And shit, you hated yourself for still caring. For still wanting him to want you, even though you knew it was poison. Even though you knew that being with him, needing him, was only dragging you both down.

“Thank you.”

And as you sat there, in the stillness of that room, with the sunlight dimming outside, you felt that maybe someday you’d be able to trust yourself too. To believe that you were worth more than the heartache you’d come to accept as your own.

TAGLIST: @maybankslover @october-baby25 @haruvalentine4321 @hopelesslydevoted2paige

@rafebb @rafesbby @whytheylosttheirminds

@zyafics @astarlights @bruher @nosebeers @carrerascameron

@serrendiipty @sunny1616 @yootvi @ditzyzombiesblog

@psychocitylights @maibelitaaura @kiiyomei

@stoned-writer @justafangirls-blog-deactivated2

@starkeygirlposts @enjoymyloves @ijustwanttoreadlols @icaqttt

[amourtoken]

yes PLEASE write about quinn knocking you up and also please never stop writing smut i feel FERAL

I got a couple asks about this so let me roll them all into one here yall are horny unhinged individuals together now

Quinn is unfortunately insanely susceptible to baby fever. He can't help himself, the thought of having a little extended family to provide for is sweet enough on its own but getting there is what he's really been focused on recently. He cannot clear his mind of the idea at all and it's starting to effect every aspect of his life. His thoughts are always frenzied and his brain fuzzy, he can barely focus on the ice and you constantly catch him zoned out and have to draw his attention back to you. What's he even thinking about?

This all started after he saw you interacting with some kids at a charity event. He didn't think it'd be a personal attack on his psyche to see you leaning down to their level so they felt more included while you chatted about your days or whatever random thoughts of theirs that sprung to mind. They all seemed so happy in your presence and you've always just naturally been great with kids so it's no surprise to you, but Quinn instantaneously fell victim to the infectious thought process of parenthood.

all he's thought about for days is how pretty you'd look pregnant and how good of a parent you'd be. Would your kids have your smile? Your eyes? Hopefully they had your sweet personality at the very least. You two could be the overly supportive cheesy hockey parents when your kid got a little older too, if they took after him and wanted to play. Quinn would fall down these hour long rabbit holes in his own mind of what your future would look like with an addition to the family and it was becoming more and more of a necessity every day.

Eventually it gets to a point where he can't fucking contain it anymore and he lets the idea slip while he's got you pinned to the mattress below him.

Quinn's fingers are holding your hips tight enough to bruise while he's buried inside you, panting praises and explicit compliments against your neck in rhythm with his thrusts. He can't get the image of you all pretty and pregnant out of his brain at all, the only thing keeping him from it is a thin latex and a question really. He didn't wanna ruin the moment but it was out of his control at this point, the need overtaking critical thinking skills.

"Fuck- please let me put a baby in you- shit- p-please- c-can't stop thinkin' about it- fuck i need it so bad...'m sorry-"

His voice sounded so broken, moans and whines cutting through his words against his will. You had no idea he felt this way and fuck you wish he'd said something sooner because you've been going through the same misery he has. For the same reason. The same exact event that permeated his peace with the idea of kids with you was the one that had you dizzy thinking about him being a dad. Safe to say your communication skills were lacking during this cause both of you were afraid to ask but now that you're on the same page? You're in for it.

You respond enthusiastically, nodding quickly and immediately pleading for him to do just that. Quinn's chest fluttered at your whined pleas and as much as it pained him to pull out in the moment it was definitely worth it to sink back into you raw. He wanted this to last forever but the way you felt so fucking warm and wet around him was ultimately his undoing, much to his own protest. He didn't wanna finish without dragging you along either, his thrusts fell out of rhythm as he snaked a hand between your bodies to circle your clit, trying his best to take you with him.

"Shit- you're gonna be so pretty- fuck- god I'm so fuckin' lucky-"

Your nails sunk into his shoulders as you pulled him closer, legs shaking as you tipped off the edge of your orgasm with a whine of his name. He almost immediately followed you, hands gripping behind your knees to fold you in half under him, allowing him to sink deeper than before. Quinn's vision blurred with black spots and his voice pitched up into whiney pleas as he filled you up, finally getting what's plagued him for fucking weeks now. Doesn't matter if this was the time that did it or not, he was dead set on fucking you full of his cum over and over and over until you got the results you both wanted (and then some extra for good measure ofc)

[measuredingold]

i was free in the fall

authors note: something short and sweet :) listened to homesick by dayseeker and it struck a chord within me ( as it always does lol ) and thought, hey... what if i write something based off that ? title comes from the song. feedback is always appreciated and i hope you enjoy !

pairing: noah sebastian x reader

divider: @saradika-graphics

cross-posted on ao3

word count: 789

cw/tw: established relationship, long distance relationship, fluff and angst ?, Noah Sebastian Is Sort Of Bad At Feelings But He's Trying, sweet lol, 18+ minors do not interact

It comes to him slowly, your voice filling his every sense. If he'd shut his eyes it almost feels like you're there. Almost. He sucks in a deep breath as you continue on about your day, eyes fluttering shut as he imagines you next to him.

Tonight they're in a hotel, having a few days off in between shows and wanting to sleep in a real bed for the first in weeks. He imagines you curled up next to him, whispering to him like you normally did. He can feel your fingertips tracing over the art on his chest, and he can't help but shiver at the thought of you touching him.

Something weighs on him, heavy on his chest, and he frowns into the darkness of his room. Some of the guys went out while he stayed back, wanting nothing more than to hear your voice, yet he still feels... He isn't exactly sure. It's a new feeling he's never actually felt before. Longing for something unfamiliar and it's settling so heavily onto his chest, he almost feels like he can't breathe.

He sucks in another deep breath, eyes squeezing shut as he holds his phone up to his ear. He tries to focus on your voice, the way he can imagine your lips wrapping around certain words, but it only makes the feeling deeper. His stomach twists as the realization slowly creeps upon him, almost like it had been there all along.

He misses home.

He misses you.

This is uncharted territory, an unfamiliar feeling because he doesn't even remember the last time he missed home. Whatever the fuck that was.

Home was sometimes a figment of his imagination, something he never got to truly experience. The older he gets, the more he tries to make this so-called home. It was weird, and he never caught himself missing it that much while on the road. Yeah, he missed his bed and the moments he could get to himself. The peace and quiet and familiarity of his room, but that was it.

And it was never a person.

His mind races as he tries to picture what home looks like right now, your face popping up in every scenario he can think of. You crawling into bed after him, him settling on your couch next to you as you flip through Netflix, you asking him what you two should do for dinner that night, you, you, you.

"...Noah?"

He blinks, hard. His thoughts come to an abrupt stop when he hears you call his name, and he suddenly can't remember the last thing you said. Had he been so caught up in his thoughts that he completely blocked you out?

"Hm?" He clears his throat, sucking in a shaking breath.

"You alright, bub? Got quiet on me."

Noah isn't sure what to say. This is still fairly new. He's known you for years but this new relationship between the two of you was fresh. He still caught himself holding back on how he truly felt, hung up on the what ifs and if it will work out for the long run, but tonight... he doesn't think he'll hold back.

With one last shaking breath, he says, "Just thinking about you."

"Oh." You sound taken aback by that, huffing out a laugh. "And what exactly are you thinking about?"

"How much I miss you." He feels so vulnerable saying it, almost scared you'll say something about him being emotional when he usually never is. "And how much I can't wait to come back home."

Your silence on the other end scares him even more, stomach twisting in a way he feels like he could throw up at any given moment. He shouldn't have said anything, should've said it was nothing and let you continue on. He opens his mouth to brush it off, to tell you that it's whatever, but your voice stops him.

"I miss you, too, baby."

Your voice was so soft, he almost couldn't hear you. But he did. He heard it. He felt it. From his toes all the way to the top of his head. His face warms, cheeks growing red as each second passes, and he can't stop the way his heart pounds against his chest.

"Yeah?"

"Of course." You mumble. "Been missin' you the second you left."

"Me too." He whispers it, too scared that if he said it any louder.

The silence that follows doesn't loom as much as it had before, a sort of comfortableness settling over it. He doesn't have to say it, because he knows you know. He knows you feel the exact same way he does in that very moment, and that's enough for him right now.

[dashing-disaster]

Bad Beer and Naked Rodents

Thank you @xmidhel for beta reading!

also on AO3

“You know,” Sal drawls, twisting the cap off another beer and handing it over, “for someone with an above average IQ, you’re dense as fuck.”

Tommy glares but accepts the bottle without protest. It’s his third. He takes a long sip and shudders. Bud Light. Why did Sal have to be such a fucking stereotype? But he was too tired to complain. He was too tired to do much of anything right now.

“He’s not wrong,” Lucy said to his left and Tommy directed his glare towards her instead. Like Sal, she wasn’t impressed.

“What? You know it’s true. There you are, genuinely happy for the first time in…” she pauses to think, “for the first time since I met you, actually.”

“Ever” Tommy supplies miserably, sinking further into the couch cushions. Something pokes into his right kidney and he reaches underneath himself, pulling out a small doll with messy blue hair, a pink ruffled dress and a … horn?

“Unicorn Barbie,” Sal exclaims and snags the doll from his hand. “Thanks man, you just saved this household a lot of sweat and tears. Look, babe, he found her!”

“Uncle Tommy to the rescue,” Gina says dryly, without even looking up from her laptop where she’s furiously typing some email that’s probably important and Tommy feels a pang of guilt at intruding on her peace and quiet unannounced at 9pm on a week day, Lucy in tow. He’s unable to dwell on it, however, because Lucy pipes up again.

“Let’s circle back here for a moment, your life was going great, you were happy, your hair was even starting to look good-“

“Hey!”

“Don’t interrupt me, Thomas. My point is, you got scared of commitment for three seconds and tell Evan Buckley, Evan Buckley, to go off to frolic on Grindr? I’m sorry, but do you know how stupid that is? Do you have any idea what happens to guys like Evan Buckley on Grindr?”

“Say his name like that one more time and I swear to God.” It comes out with far more venom than intended and he cringes internally. Why does he have to be such a bitch? It’s a credit to their love for him that none of his friends even bat an eye.

They’re not gentle either, and Tommy’s kind of glad about it. He doesn’t deserve gentle. Not now, maybe not ever again.

“What happens to guys like him on Grindr,” Sal asks curiously and then frowns. “And what do you know about Grindr?”

“My cousin wanted to try it out but he’s super paranoid about technology stealing his data, man’s still got a Nokia. So we set up his profile on my phone. He decided it wasn’t for him 10 minutes in but I kept the app and sometimes I go window shopping when downtime gets too long.”

“Why am I not surprised in the slightest,” Tommy mutters into his beer. Lucy is undeterred.

“Anyway, Gabe’s no hag either and similarly baby-faced as Buck so every time I open the app they’re on him in minutes. Seriously, it’s like The Walking Dead and some of the messages I get are borderline illegal. And don’t get me started on the dick pics. They’re not even nice-looking dicks most of the time.”

“Is there such a thing as a nice-looking dick? I’ve always found they all look a little like mole-rats.”

Sal, who’s been fiddling with Unicorn Barbie’s hair in a futile attempt to get out some of the knots pauses and makes a pitiful little sound staring wide-eyed at his wife who’s still neither looking up from her screen, nor is she pausing her aggressive typing, and Tommy’s both impressed and a little scared of that level of multi-tasking.

“Don’t worry, bud, Gi loves your dick. You’ve got three little monsters to prove it.”

Sal shoots Lucy a look so dirty Tommy almost laughs.

“I love the man attached to it. It’s still a mole-rat, though.” A beat of silence, then Gina looks up from her laptop for the first time in two hours, finding her husband’s eyes across the coffee table. “I love mole-rats.”

Lucy snorts, but Sal looks so pleased even Tommy has to smile.

“Still, though,” Lucy picks up the previous topic again, “are we sure it’s a good idea to throw Buck into a world of mole-rats and creepy old dudes wanting him to call them ‘daddy’?”

Tommy decidedly does not look in Sal’s direction. He loves Lucy and Gina but this is a topic one only discusses with one’s very best of friends.

“A world of disappointment, more like. Buck’s had Tommy now, anything else will just be a let-down.” The dirty grin spreading on Sal’s face tells Tommy he’s about to be in trouble. And he’s right.

“We didn’t call my boy here Nine-Inch-Nail in high school for nothin’.”

“Okay, first of all, that is such a lie,” the grin goes impossibly wider, “and second, I am not 9 inches, okay?”

Three sets of eyes wander down to his crotch and if it wasn’t these exact three people, Tommy would be so uncomfortable right now. As it is, he simply huffs and shoves a throw pillow into his lap, crossing his arms like a petulant toddler.

“I’m 8.6.”

Silence.

Then all three of them burst out laughing. He tries to hold on to his petulance, but he only lasts about ten seconds before the corners of his mouth begin to twitch and he finds himself joining in against all odds.

“As I was saying,” Sal hiccups after they’ve all calmed down again, “Buck doesn’t need any other mens’ mole-rats. He only needs Tommy’s giant mole-rat.”

Tommy groans.

“God, I hate you.”

Half past midnight Gina pulls the plug and throws them out. Sal tries to offer him the guest room, but he declines. As much as he loves his best friend’s daughters, he doubts he’ll can be Fun Uncle Tommy in the morning and he hates disappointing them.

As they wait for their Uber to pull up, Tommy feels strong fingers wrap around his wrist and a moment later he’s pulled into a tight hug.

“Don’t fuck up your life like that, Tom, not again. You were finally so happy. And I like you happy. ” Sal’s voice is quiet next to his ear, but there’s a softness to it that is usually reserved for his daughters. Tommy feels his throat close up and he buries his face into Sal’s shoulder.

“I just don’t know how not to, Sallie,” he admits and hates how forlorn it sounds.

How forlorn he feels.

“You trust him. I know it’s the most terrifying thing to do, believe me I do. But you gotta.”

Sal pulls back to catch his eyes, but keeps hold of Tommy’s shoulders.

“This man is the best thing that’s ever happened to you, Tom, and if you give up on what you have now, you will regret it for the rest of your life. But in order to keep it, you need to let him in and you need to trust him to know what he wants. It’s not your place to decide that for him.

And I know you want to let him set the pace, but you can only do that as long as you’re able to keep up. This relationship is about the both of you and if things are moving too fast, you have to tell him that. It’s not fair to either of you if you don’t.

And Tommy, you have to talk to him about your shit.”

Tommy opens his mouth to protest but Sal shuts him up with a shake of his head.

“No buts. Buck isn’t stupid. Do you really think he hasn’t clocked by now that you have trauma? I’m not saying you gotta tell him all of it at once. But you need to start somewhere.”

Sal pulls him back in roughly and presses a kiss to his temple.

 “I’ve seen the way that boy looks at you. He wants to take care of your heart so badly. Let him. Let him love you. All of you.

And if it all goes to shit anyway, you know that I’ll be right here. I always will be.”

Tommy bursts into tears.

It’s 3am when he finally finds himself knocking at the same door he closed behind himself for what he thought would be the last time less than ten hours ago.

It’s telling that it takes Evan just under half a minute to open it. It’s more telling that his eyes are red-rimmed, and he’s still wearing the same clothes.

Evan’s terrible at hiding his emotions, doesn’t even try to most of the time. It’s one of the many things Tommy loves about him.

Right now, he seems to experience all of them at the same time.

Hope, when he opens the door. Relief, when his eyes fall on Tommy in the hallway.

Hurt, anger, fear, concern, fondness, and finally back to hope.

He’s silent. Waiting.

Tommy takes a breath.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

They look at each other, the insecurity and fear hanging between them like a cloud of vapor, so thick Tommy can almost taste it.

But there’s something else, too. Smaller, more fragile, and yet persistent like a moth chasing the light.

It’s the same thing Tommy’s seen in Evan’s eyes earlier.

Hope.

For a time, neither of them moves, as if they’re scared, that if they do it’ll spook and leave them alone in the dark again.

A minute passes. Two.

Somewhere in the building a baby begins to cry.

Evan steps aside.

[sleepyparalysisdmon]

SVT and arguments

Requested? Yes! (And they are still open!)

Genre: angst and comfort

A/N: I received a few requests regarding different elements of arguing, so I’ve combined these into one. 

A knock-down-drag-out - Seungcheol, Woozi, Mingyu

Ah, the fire signs. They might be a little temperamental, if only to feel like they’re being heard. Might not react much to tears in the moment, though it does tug at his heart strings, but if you flinch away from him or give any indication that you're scared or nervous, it’s like the plug is pulled for him and the anger drains fast. Incredibly apologetic and feeling rather guilty because he’s supposed to protect you and be someone you can depend on. Can't guarantee that he’ll never lose his temper, but will make a real effort to hit pause on the argument to cool down and try to come back to it feeling more level-headed so you two can fix it. 

Super passive aggressive - Jeonghan, Seungkwan

You fought the other day. It happens. But he’s still feeling particularly bitter about it because he doesn't feel like anything was really resolved. So, whenever he interacts with you, he’s cold, making passive aggressive comments that sting quite a bit. The fight initially started because you’d been having a bad week and it feels like things have just piled on, including these little comments. One comment over dinner makes you break, putting your head in your hands and crying. Now he feels guilty. Will do his best to comfort you if you let him, giving you soft apologies. Future fights can't always be prevented, but trust that he'll check himself and not run his mouth in an effort to avoid rubbing salt in the wound. 

The silent treatment - Joshua, Wonwoo, Minghao, Chan

You fought the other day. It happens. But it’s not often that he just pretends you don't exist. If you get anything at all from him, it’s a shrug or a one-word answer. You give him space because you think that's what he needs, but there’s only so much you can take. So you come to him and practically beg, “Can we please talk?” Might be a bit cold at first, but if your eyes start watering, he’ll sigh, sitting with you to talk it out. Didn’t want to ignore you in the first place, but feels like he wasn’t being heard. Throughout your conversation, he realizes you weren't feeling heard either. Will do better in the future about opening lines of communication and finding ways to talk about their feelings without being highly emotional or turning cold.

Does literally everything to avoid conflict - Jun, Hoshi, DK, Vernon

Absolutely folding at the first sign of an argument. You’re upset with him? He's apologizing right away, promising not to do that thing again. He’s upset with you? He’ll tell you it’s okay just to keep the peace. Might be a bit of a pushover when it comes to something like this, so you’ll have to pry the reason he’s upset out of him. Really just wants to get back to business as usual and not linger on a disagreement if it does happen. 

[local-lamppost]

Initial thoughts cause it's 4am

Spoilers

First off, wow... it's really good. I've been saying that if season 2 is as good as season 1 Arcane would be my new favorite show and we are on track. Anyway, just gonna list stuff until I can process/rewatch a billion times

Mel lived! I was so certain that they would just kill her off, make that Ambessa's motive (give Jayce a reason to keep fighting the Undercity) but it's much more interesting keeping her involved in the narrative. Love her trying to bother understand and undermine her mother. Those Black Rose guys best not have hurt a hair on her perfect head.

Speaking of. What in the Utena are these Black Rose magic people? I love the look of their magic. I wonder how they can corrupt people. Is it a spell? Do they slip them something?

Love how the divide of Jayce and Viktor was done. Jayce betrayed Viktor's wishes of destroying the Hexcore. Last season, Viktor wanted to forget about using the core to save himself after Sky and begged Jayce to destroy it when the core wouldn't allow Viktor himself to do it. In Jayce's mind though, the core is the solution to Viktor's problems. He didn't know it killed Sky or that it can influence Viktor, but all Viktor can comprehend is that Jayce didn't trust him. Didn't keep his promise. And this is fresh off of Jayce's season 1 antics against the Undercity, so Viktor's faith in his partner was already shaken. Viktor's also comfortable in his mortality/death, even though he wants to prolong it like every other human, but Jayce can't fathom loosing Viktor-the man who saved his life and made his dreams reality.

(Side note: Am I a JayVik shipper? I never considered myself one, but after writing this...)

JINX HAS A KID! I love this choice. Give Jinx a kid so she is able to learn what Silco and Vi had to go through with her, that no matter how big or dangerous a scheme to take this child into account. The confrontation in ep 3 really showed what Jinx will have to consider now that this kid's decided to adopt her as an older sister or something. Especially nice detail of how Vi-who has always had to consider the kids in her life-immediately stops fighting and starts looking for ways to keep the kid safe.

I was wondering how Jinx would loose a finger and Caitlyn shooting it off to save Vi is just- The fact that the only way these two can show they care about Vi when it comes to each other is by hurting the other.

Sevika's new arm is fantastic. It's a peace offering from Jinx, but also a way for Jinx to feel better (it was something she could fix). The mechanics of it are really fun. It reminds me of Kite's weapon from HxH with how it didn't always work/give her what she wanted in the fight. I especially love the victory rockets and built in theme song.

Ambessa is so interesting. Between her character song to the introduction of just what she is fighting against, I am very intrigued. She reminds me of Cersei Lannister, except she loves her kids as more than just extensions of herself (as of what we've seen, but I think that'll stick). Her using Salo to establish herself-which also keeps Mel safe by distancing her-but also dropping him in order to prop up Cait at her first opportunity is such a clever move. She truly is the fox and the wolf, but she is above all a mama bear.

Not much to say about Heimerdinger or Ekko yet, but I am definitely curious to see what they do about the wild runes with Jayce. The three of them have a fun dynamic, what with Heimerdinger still being peeved about magic/being ousted, Ekko hating topside and having a new reason to do so with them poisoning his tree, and Jayce being recently seperated and divorced from both his partners.

Vi is an enforcer. I didn't know how they were gonna handle this, but they did it so well. Of course she wants to fix things for the people her sister hurt. She feels responsible. She can say she doesn't blame herself, but how true is that? Why else would she be wearing a badge if not for her guilt? She is desperate to do something right and being an enforcer seemed to be a way to make Cait happy, get her gauntlets (what she believes is necessary to make any kind of change), and be first in line in the hunt for Jinx. She says that her sister is dead, that Jinx is a desecration to Powder's memory, that they are not sisters but isn't it supposed to be 'nothing is going to change that'? How much of all this is just something Vi is telling herself to keep going? Cait is her motive right now, but after ep 3 I definitely see why she starts spiraling.

(2 Side note: Her new best friend/drinking buddy is such a real one. They have a bender in the gutter together and now he's following her into and out of the enforcers. I wonder if he knew Vander? In any case, he is a delight.)

Cait and Vi kissed... CAIT AND VI KISSED! Then NOTHING HAPPENED AFTER! NOTHING! No immediate break up, nope.

So Cait. I love Cait and I am hyped for her arc this season. I am ready to fight tooth and nail for her. I am a Caitlyn defender. So what she's being manipulated into leading a military state due to her grief/unresolved anger/guilt/Ambessa being better at this than her, she looks amazing in her cape. It balances.

Seriously though, the writing for Cait especially is so solid. She is desperate to hold herself and her family together, to protect her city. She still wants to protect the innocent, to heal the Undercity, but her anger at a select few of those she wants to help is clouding the greater image for her. Vi seems to be acting as her better half, the side that cares for the innocent-the protector. Ambessa is the agressor, encouraging Cait to take drastic military action against the Undercity as a whole. Vi's disillusionment with Cait is due to the fact that Cait desire to heal, not harm, is what caused her to fall for Cait to begin with. To see more than some privileged topside enforcer, but a woman who genuinely cared and was willing to abandon her peaceful naivety to learn for the greater good of strangers.

I'll also point out that they separate when Cait starts blaming Vi for them loosing Jinx. Before, everyone but Cait put responsibility on Vi, she was supposed to be the one to help lighten the load and absolve some of the guilt. Now Cait is becoming another one of those who slam the blame on Vi. She changed. Why does everyone around VI change?

Can't wait for the next batch of episodes.

[tobbesdiscordkitten]

Guns N’ Roses Fic: You Don’t Know How This Works

Summary: One morning Howard telephones Axl to interview him and to secretly get under his skin by flirting with his girlfriend, Roxanne. Little does Howard know that Axl has other mischievous plans up his sleeve.

Characters: Axl Rose, OC: Roxanne, and Howard Stern.

Pairing(s): Axl Rose/original female character, Axl Rose/female reader, Axl Rose/Roxanne, Howard Stern/Roxanne.

Rating: Explicit, 21+

Word Count: 2,357

Warnings: Howard is a creep, humiliation, drug use, mentions of bondage, vaginal fingering, forced climax, and oral sex.

A/N: This fic is inspired by Howard Stern’s 1990 interview between Axl Rose and Sebastian Bach. Parts of the interview have been altered to fit this story’s plot. In the fic, Roxanne is semi based off of Erin Everly. Link to video => here

Everything inside the condo was quiet. Morning light seeped into the bedroom, casting a golden glow on both the wrinkled white bedsheets and Axl Rose's sleeping form, while his head was buried underneath a layer of pillows. It was peaceful. Until suddenly, on the nightstand, the telephone began to ring. The obnoxious sound reverberated off the walls. Axl stayed in bed, somewhat blocking out the noise with his pillows.

He had stayed up all night partying with his friends, drinking vast amounts of hard liquor, injecting himself with heroine, and French kissing his beloved sweetheart, Roxanne aka Roxi. His body felt wrecked and his mind harbored a horrible migraine. The ringing only made his problems worse.

Axl groaned awake, picking up the receiver, a hint of grogginess in his tone. "Hello?" Axl's eyes caught a glimpse of the clock - 9:15 a.m. Who the fuck was calling this early?

"Hey, Axl, it's me - Howard Stern. How the hell are you? What have you been up to?"

Axl's peripheral vision was somewhat blurred and his mind was not registering the bombardment of questions Howard threw at him. He sat up in bed, rubbing a hand over his face, hoping his mind would clear up. Unfortunately, for the migraine, it still knocked on his frontal lobe like Heaven's Door. "Wh-what?"

"Come on, man. Don't dodge the question. Tell me about your life. What's been happening? Are you still banging chicks? Writing any new songs? You still partying like a wild animal?" Howard always pried each of his guests on air and wanted to know everything about their life. It didn't matter if it was his business or not, Howard made it his business.

"Yeah, man. Sure."

The answer was vague and Howard knew it. He needed to try a new tactic, go slow, take each question at a time, and then he'd get the answers he was searching for, including some dirt as a bonus. In the end, the turtle won, not the hare. "You sound tired. Did I wake you up?"

"No," Axl lied. "Just laying in bed, reading some magazines."

"Yeah? Any hot chicks on those covers?"

"Not a chance.” He cleared his throat. “They're Rolling Stone articles."

"Oh, business replaced pleasure this morning?"

"If they didn't shred me in the papers it'd be the opposite."

"What kind of shredding?"

"How I don't live an honest life. That kind of bullshit." It was true. The media did try to distort his public image by twisting the facts and cranking out lies about his personal life and incidents that have occurred on tour.

"I hear ya, man. Critics can fuck you right in the ass. It's their job. They wanna fuck every celebrity they can find, including me. I'd rather they sucked my dick. Like in your song, Out Ta Get Me."

Axl snorted. "It's one thing we have in common." His eyes wandered to the other side of the bed, noticing the empty space. Where was his baby girl? Was she in the kitchen brewing some coffee? Making breakfast? Outside of the bedroom, he didn't hear the clinking of dishes to confirm his suspicions, or the aroma of coffee grains. “Roxanne?" Axl called, unaware that Howard was still on the other line.

"Oh, is she there?" Excitement crept into Howard's voice.

Axl grunted. "Yeah, man, she's here..."

"What's she doing right now?"

He shrugged. Why was Howard interested in his girl? It seemed strange…odd. "Hell if I knew. She disappeared on me."

"Uh oh. That doesn't sound so promising," Howard mused. "Is she fucking one of your boys?"

Axl eyed the door. "Nah, man. She's loyal." Or at least he hoped she was. She wouldn't wander out of the condo to fuck one of his band members. If that was the case, he'd tie her down on the bed and remind her who she belonged to. It wasn't the first time that happened and it wouldn't be the last.

"Doesn't sound loyal," Howard commented. "Tell me something: does she have big tits?"

The question took him off guard but Axl tried to remain unfazed. Instead, he chuckled, picturing her voluminous globes and perked nipples. "Why? You jealous?"

"No, no. All I'm saying is," Howard corrected himself, "you're lucky for finding chicks with great racks. It's a rare find these days."

"A lot of 'em are fake, but she's a natural."

Howard paused, listening intently. He heard many rumors about Axl over the years, particularly about his temper. Howard was purposely trying to get a rise out of him and see if he would blow up over the line in front of Howard's daily listeners. He just needed to push each button a little more...

Axl continued, "You can squeeze 'em and all sorts of sounds come outta her like a chew toy."

"You suck her tits too?"

"Lick, bite, suck," he elaborated. "Look, it doesn't matter. She creams for me. End of story."

Around the corner, Axl heard the front door unlatch, creek open, and close. Roxanne must've arrived home.

“Axl?"

"In here, baby."

Roxi walked into the doorway of their bedroom, holding two coffees and dangling a plastic bag, with a bagel logo on it, around her forearm.

Axl sighed with relief. She didn't wake up early to cheat on him. She went out of her way to buy them both breakfast from their favorite bakery across the street.

Roxi held up his beverage, whispering, “Black coffee with extra milk for my King."

Howard interrupted the precious moment with his chattering demands. "Lemme speak to her." If Axl denied his wishes, he wouldn't hear the endless complaints from Howard for the rest of the interview, and Axl was already running low on patience this morning. "Babe, come here. Howard wants to talk to you." Axl motioned for her to step closer.

Roxanne walked in, handing him his coffee, and setting the bag on the nightstand. She grabbed the phone, pressing it against her ear while her index finger snaked around the cord, twirling it. It was a nervous habit. She never spoke to a famous person before, let alone Howard Stern. "Hello?"

"Is this Roxi?" Howard questioned, wanting confirmation.

"Yes."

Her voice was music to his ears. She sounded sweet like licorice, seemed childish like a doll, and innocent like Bambi. He could tell her very essence encapsulated an aura that could only be found within his childhood but was buried underneath life's hellish experiences, stripping away such purity. "You sound very beautiful," Howard complimented.

Roxi blushed, twirling her finger around the cord until her blood circulation came to a halt. "Thank you."

"What are you wearing?"

She looked down at her attire. "I'm wearing a dress."

"What kind of dress? Is it short?"

"No, its long. A long black dress. Nothing fancy."

"I see. I bet it's accentuating your curves, am I right?"

Roxi blushed again, harder this time, and held the phone against her ear tighter, hoping to block out Howard's voice in case Axl overheard him. She knew how jealous and overprotective Axl got, especially towards playful banter. "Thanks. Uhm...it's stylish, yeah."

Howard sensed her uneasiness. It was time to go straight for the kill. "Right. So, tell me, have you and Axl been making love every night?"

Roxanne turned to look at Axl. "Why are you asking me these questions…?" She asked, laughing nervously. Axl caught on and knew Howard was acting unprofessional. He took the phone away from her, sitting her down on his lap. "Howard," Axl said, wrapping an arm around Roxi's waist to keep her glued to his side.

"What, man? I'm just curious. I need to know the details. Is she a good lay?"

"Best lay you'll never have." Axl squeezed Roxi's hip. "She's mine. Nobody can have her."

"Nobody can have her yet she has everybody." Howard shot back.

Axl tried to keep himself composed. "Nah, man. You don't know how this works." He took Roxi's coffee out of her hand and placed it on the nightstand. He cradled the phone with his shoulder, using one of his hands to hold Roxi in place while his other hand sneaked underneath her dress, diving into her panties. She jolted at the sensation, wide-eyed, cupping her mouth shut with both hands.

Why was he displaying his dominance now?! She wondered.

"How what works?"

"This." Axl slid a finger into Roxanne's pussy, making her gasp. He could feel her velvet walls clench around his digit.

"How does it work?" Howard persisted.

"Only I know how it works." Axl slid in another finger, hooking them inside her. Roxi moaned into her palms and arched her back. "I intend to keep it that way." She didn't notice but Axl's eyes turned a shade darker as his dominant, protective side took over.

"Aww, I can't be part of your little club?" Howard found this whole interaction amusing and was oblivious to what was actually occurring.

"Nope. Just me." Axl withdrew both fingers, sliding them along her slit until he found her clit, stroking it. Roxi whined, leaning herself further onto his chest.

"I see. Only the cool kids get to join, huh?"

Axl nodded, stroking her clit a little harder.

Howard shook his head in mock disappointment. "That's alright. I'm not missing much."

Roxi came. Axl swiped his fingers along her cunt, coating them in her warm, fresh juices. “Not a damn thing." He confirmed, sucking away her slick. She was the most delicious thing he ever tasted. She was far superior than any meal Howard would never graze upon in his lifetime.

Roxanne's body went limp against Axl as she tried to catch her breath from the quick yet intense orgasm. She could feel his hardened erection poke into her ass at the seam of his pants. Now it was his turn to get a release.

Lying back on the bed, Axl repositioned Roxi to straddle his waist. She inched her body downwards and undid the leather belt-buckle on his jeans. Next, she used her teeth to unzip the fly of his jeans, tasting a hint of copper on her tongue. Her fingers dug in to free his throbbing manhood that was already leaking precum. In the room, a cool breeze wafted over his cock, helping it grow a few inches.

"So, Axl, tell me, will there be any covers on this album?"

Axl wanted to forget Howard was on the phone. He wanted to forget this interview was even happening and, instead, focus on the pure, erotic bliss Roxanne was gonna provide him. Axl wished he could smash the phone and never hear Howard's annoying voice again. But he couldn't. He needed the recognition. He needed the world - his fans - to hear about his upcoming album. And most of all...he needed a damn good blowjob.

Roxanne suctioned her lips around the base of his cock, diving head down to engulf his shaft in her throat. Axl cursed under his breath and used his free hand to guide Roxi's head, setting the pace.

"It's uhm...it's coming. We recorded Live And Let Die a few months ago."

"Oh yeah? The James Bond hit? I can foresee you guys executing that."

"Yeah, it's been really great." Axl looked down and saw Roxi's head bob up and down, causing her cheeks to hollow out, sharpening the contrast on her cheekbones. It was a lovely sight to behold. He bit back a few moans, cursing under his breath again. He didn't want Howard to know or suspect an inkling about this situation.

Reaching his hand out, Axl caressed Roxi's dark locks and petted her head, a notion that indicated she was being a good girl for making him feel grounded and satisfied.

"I heard a rumor Steven left the band-"

"He didn't leave. He got fired." Before Howard could ask why, Axl responded, “couldn't leave his drugs, couldn't leave her..." He closed his eyes, savoring the moment. Roxanne was more addicting than heroine. Every time he got a piece of her, or she got a piece of him, he craved her insatiably. He could spend all day drinking her sweet nectar until the pipe ran dry. But he would want to come back for more, as if his thirst never got quenched during the first round.

"Mrs. Brownstone," Howard joked.

Axl laughed. "Yeah, yeah. We should've named it that." He could feel his climax approaching like a freightrain. He bucked his hips upwards, causing Roxi to gag a little. She recovered and only sucked him off faster.

"I'm guessing the rest of the album is gonna be a big surprise then?"

Axl grunted and felt his hot seed spurt out of his length into Roxi's milking hole. "Uh huh. Top secret. Classified."

Roxanne pulled her lips away with a popping sound, not loud enough for Howard to notice.

Howard understood and decided it was time to wrap the interview. He knew Axl wouldn't tell him anymore details and it'd be a waste of time to try and coax it out of him. The two men had enough fun for one day. Maybe next time he’ll try again. “Alright, man. Hey, listen, it was great talking to you and I hope we can do this again sometime."

Axl rolled his eyes, trying his best to fake a genuine impression through gritted teeth. "Yeah, man. Sounds great."

"Tell Roxi I hope to see her again soon."

"She won't be here the next time you call."

Howard paused. Did this manic rockstar catch a glimpse of the future just now? “Really? How can you be so sure?" He queried.

"Because...I just know." After announcing his final words, Axl hung up the phone, and turned his attention towards his lover. "Thank you, baby. You did good."

Roxanne sat on her haunches, staring at her King. "Why won't I be able to talk to Howard again?" She asked curiously. She didn't mind not speaking to him, the interview was awkward enough for her. She hated how Howard put her on the spot in front of millions of listeners. But she also wanted to know the reasoning behind it. If her was willing to tell her.

Axl hummed, using his thumb to swipe a droplet of cum from her lower lip. "Because…that's not how it works."

Taglist:

Side-note: if anybody else wants to be added on my taglist for certain eras/characters, let me know!

[gotta-winwin]

2019 debut year <> first meetings - maknae line

word count: 2.1k TW: a bit of swearing, cyana is sad for some reason italics are in english and bolded words are in Mandarin this is a continuation from the hyung line fic, so please read that for continuity's sake!

౨ৎ ─── ─── ──౨ৎ─── ─── ──౨ৎ─── ─── ──౨ৎ

MINGHAO:

Although he had been all but ready to make fun of Jun when he was nervous and shy, Minghao found himself suffering just the same as Cyana approached him. Being the final member to meet her officially, he had the gruelling process of waiting as she slowly made her way through members before finally reaching him. "Hi. Nice to meet you, I'm Xu Minghao." He opted for a hug rather than a handshake, smiling when Cyana wrapped her arms comfortably around his waist. Parting, Cyana shot him a bright smile. "I'm so glad you and Jun speak Mandarin. I haven't met anyone besides my parents who knew the language." Minghao was glad to have brought her a sense of comfort. "We're just as happy. It's always nice to meet someone connected to home. Where in China are you from?" "My parents lived in Shenzhen before moving to Vancouver." Minghao's eyes widened and he glanced at Jun, who was lazily stretching, warming up for practice. "Jun's from Shenzhen too." Cyana followed his gaze, frowning when she saw the boy. "He's very quiet." She gathered. Minghao nodded, chuckling. "He's shy around strangers. He'll warm up, don't worry. He was quiet around me too, when we first met." He turned to look at her, studying her before continuing. "You're quiet too though, a little bit." Cyana flushed. "I don't really speak much, yeah. Prefer to listen most times." Honestly, Minghao didn't mind. He enjoyed the peaceful nature that seemed to radiate off her even within the short time they'd met. It was a change from the usual chaotic energy SEVENTEEN oozed of that Minghao accepted gratefully. "If it ever gets too much, Wonwoo and I are usually quieter company. We don't like doing too much outside of work." He didn't miss the way her face soured when he brought up Wonwoo's name. Cyana took his advice and invitation gratefully, promising to tell him if things ever got too much and to come find him whenever necessary. He savoured the look on her face, one of pure innocence and blissful unawareness of the tumultuous waves idol life could be. He distinctly remembered entering Korea with the same wide-eyed look on his own face and made a quiet promise he'd help keep that glow in Cyana's face as long as possible.

DK:

"Hi hi~" DK bounced up to Cyana, shaking her hand vigorously. He had heard Seungcheol's warning in the beginning -- to be calm and not to overwhelm the girl -- but he just had so much excitement to share! This was a day of celebration, having a new member join them, and it irked him a bit that the others were not treating it as such. "I'm Dokyeom, nice to meet you!" He sang, smile widening when Cyana moved to match his energy. "Hi, Dokyeom~" Cyana giggled at the boy's actions, unconsciously matching both his tone delivery and his movements, hands in his as they both jumped with excitement. She found it endearing, how energy seemed to spill out of him uncontrollably. "I wanted it to be a big celebration," He explained, pausing for Joshua to quickly translate. "I was going to order a cake, put up decorations, maybe some gifts-" Cyana protested profusely. "No, no- that's too much work." Deterred from his original train of thought by her sudden Korean, DK cooed, shaking her as he died at how cute it was. "Ah~ so cute!" Cyana blushed, unsure of what to do with the amount of attention DK was giving her. She was also hyperaware of the fact that he was still clutching her hands from before. Noticing how stiff her posture had gotten all of a sudden, DK immediately took a step back, unlatching himself from her and apologizing. Cyana shook her head. "No, no, it's okay. Just caught me off-guard." She sent him a warm smile. "This is nice." She admitted after a pause, enjoying how comfortable she was around him. She felt as if she had known Dokyeom for ages. DK sent back a blazing smile of his own. "Yes." He agreed happily, "So nice. So amazing. So unbelie-bubble." Cyana let out a loud laugh, startling everyone, including herself. It had been the loudest sound she'd made since entering the room. DK grinned, proud. Her laugh was really pretty, he realized. It made him want to make her laugh again just to hear it, to bathe in the warmth of it. Hell, he'd bottle it up if he could.

MINGYU:

Mingyu knew Wonwoo was hiding behind him. A coward, he mused, as he watched Cyana make her way slowly towards them. He couldn't understand why so many of them were nervous to meet her, Cyana was just a girl like so many others they had met before. "Hello~ I'm Mingyu." He opened his arms tentatively for a hug and felt both pride and relief when she had accepted. Okay, maybe he was a little nervous. He was scared she'd find him intimidating because of his sheer height and size. "You're- so tiny." He said, gesturing with his hand how short she was compared to him. Cyana gave him a look. "We've only just met and you're making fun of my height?" Mingyu spluttered, backtracking. "I- um." He pointed wordlessly at a cackling Vernon. "He teach me- to say." Vernon had insisted the line would be a good icebreaker. Now she seemed more amused then offended. "Ah~ I see. It's okay, I was only joking. You are very tall." He nodded, agreeing. "Yes. The most tall." He thought she seemed quite impressed by it all. "Your English is good!" She complimented, happy that they were able to carry a decent conversation on their own. He grinned. "Practice." He pointed at Vernon again. "Vernon." Cyana smiled. He liked making her smile, it brightened her face and the hint of sadness within her eyes disappeared when she did. Mingyu wondered what on earth could have made her so sad so early in the morning, but figured they were not close enough to directly ask. He didn't really know how to say all that in English anyways.

SEUNGKWAN:

Seungkwan found it both a bit endearing and amusing, the way Cyana was following behind him as they toured SEVENTEEN's floor. He likened her to a confused and intrigued cat, running her hands across the wall as he led her down the hallway towards the main lobby. Her eyes shone, and she was listening with full attentiveness at whatever he was saying. "This is- uh, recording studio, three recording studio, here." He pointed to the hallway to the left of them. "And here-" he paused, doing his best to recall the English word for 주방. "Here is kitchen. Eating~" He mimed eating food as Cyana nodded. He'd noticed that Cyana was very quiet and only ever talked if it was to answer a question. He didn't mind of course, many members had been like that too when they'd first met, but it confused him why a child actor would be so shy. "You are actor?" He asked, stopping in the lobby to get her response. He could almost feel the shift in the atmosphere the moment he asked the question. Cyana's shoulders tensed and she nodded. "In LA, yes." "That's cool." He offered lamely, not really knowing what else to say. Getting the sense that she didn't want to talk about the topic, Seungkwan gestured over to the large screen that overtook one of the lobby walls, currently displaying scenes from SEVENTEEN's music videos. "Seventeen." He said, still at a loss of words. It was rare for him not to know what to say, he prided himself in being good at filling silences, but this particular silence felt heavy and sad. He glanced at Cyana, who had her neck craned up as she watched the bright screen flash. The lights reflected against her irises and Seungkwan could swear she was holding back tears. Perhaps it was the homesickness, he deduced, scolding himself for bringing up her acting career. She had probably found it hard to leave everything behind. She turned to him and the heavy silence was gone. "These are all you guys?" She asked, pointing at the screen. Seungkwan nodded. "You guys are amazing." She marvelled. "So synchronized and captivating." "You." He pointed at the screen, having only understood the first compliment. "Soon." She smiled ruefully. "Hopefully. I wouldn't want to let you guys down." He wanted to let her know that he was sure the company had told her that everything was on her shoulders and that their success depended solely on her but the members wouldn't think that way. They'd all been there before, moments before debut and wondering if they'd somehow fail and disappoint the others. He wanted to tell her not to think like that. That she should be performing and working hard for herself and not because she had to. If he could say it in Korean and have her understand, he would have.

VERNON:

"Wassup, I'm Vernon." He shook Cyana's hand, confused when the girl seemed to be fixated on his face. "Is there something on my face?" He asked, reaching up to pat it. Cyana blinked out of her stupor. "Sorry. No, it's just-" She pointed at his sunglasses. "Why are you wearing sunglasses indoors?" "Oh." He took them off sheepishly. "I don't really know." Cyana let out a tiny laugh, gesturing for him to put them back on. "Keep them on, I didn't mean it in a judgemental way." Vernon placed them back on and Cyana couldn't help but laugh at how he seemed to just listen to her without thinking. Maybe it was the tie-dye tshirt or the terribly ripped jeans as well, but Vernon just seemed like a walking meme to Cyana and she found it incredibly funny. "Well, now I just feel like you're laughing at me." Vernon complained, although he was sporting a similar grin. Cyana shook her head, still laughing. "No, no, I swear I'm not." "Don't lie~ You so are." Vernon found that he liked the easy banter that seemed to flow seamlessly between them, realizing just how fast they seemed to click. "No, I'm laughing with you, not at you." "Right. You're going to tell me you actually enjoyed watching Birdbox next." Cyana's jaw dropped. "I actually really hate Birdbox." Vernon's eyes lit up. He'd tried using that line once on Joshua before, but the older boy hadn't understood what Vernon was getting at. "No fucking way." Vernon couldn't contain his excitement. "No one ever gets that reference." "You watch movies too then?" She asked, smiling when he said yes. If Seungcheol hadn't called everyone in for a group huddle before practice, Vernon would've whipped out his letterboxd to compare with hers right then and there. As if having a new member couldn't get any better.

DINO

Dino thrummed with anticipation as he patiently waited for his turn to speak with Cyana. She was really pretty, Dino observed, and she was really shy too. She seemed to interact with most of his hyungs with a sort of apprehension, as if secretly a little bit terrified. Dino couldn't blame her. He supposed they probably did look a little terrifying, all 13 of them when there was just 1 of her. "Hello~" He said, nervous when she approached him. "I'm Dino. And Chan. We're same, uh- old? age. Same age." His ears turned pink at his little stumble. Thankfully, Cyana didn't react to his mistake. "Really?" She said instead, lighting up. "I didn't know that. I've always wanted a friend my age." He thought for a little bit before replying. "Me too." He gave her a bright smile, praying that it'd make up for his poor English. Something about the fact that they were both the same age seemed to have soothed Cyana, as she took a step closer to Dino and held at her phone. "I- um, could you," She flushed as she tried to explain. "do you have the wifi?" Dino's shoulders relaxed, thankful it was a question he could answer. Taking the phone, he recognized her wallpaper to be a view of the Han River. Upon pointing it out, Cyana explained that she had passed by it on her way here and had fallen in love with how peaceful the waters were. He could understand what she meant. He often visited the Han River just to watch the current when he was a trainee. It served as a way to both relax and clear his mind. Handing the phone back, now connected to wifi, he mustered up the courage to ask her something before she could leave to say hi to someone else. "I- Han River. We can go, uh- together?" Cyana smiled and nodded. "Of course."

author's note: thank you so much for reading! thank you for all the love you've given this series and i'll be updating as much as possible. i've fallen in love with this universe and cyana lol.

[sky4cherry]

hi #1 bob sheldon defender

can you pretty please elaborate on what you think bob’s relationships with the other socs are ?

ok sooo sorry this took me so long but i am so incredibly ill and my brain is not doing its job 🙂‍↔️

putting this under ‘read more’ because this turned out long

bob and paul: they’re obviously really close!! i hc them both as being only children, which bob feels kinda different for since he’s grown up with chet and brill who both have 2 siblings each, and trip who has a brother. they definitely view each other as brothers, hence why paul was quite as fucked up as he was when bob died (also like to be fair he did watch it happen so there’s that too)

bob and cherry: guys they are so important to me,,, girlboss gf and girlfailure bf… obviously they are head over heels for each other, and cherry’s the only one bob is really vulnerable around, which makes it all that much harder when he’s been drinking. they both want to help each other get through the bad times, but they both know that it’s inevitable that bob’s going to get caught up in the social divide :( they are so important to me :( bob who doesn’t know how to comfort cherry about her parents arguing but really wants to try

bob and marcia: the idea of bob being very wary around marcia because he’s scared she’ll spread slander about him is so funny to me because she is only 3 apples tall!! you’re telling me you’re scared of her when she’s 3 apples tall and riddled with anxiety?? they’re close because they’re the two who are closest with cherry, so they spend a lot of time together, but bro is quaking in his boots because he’s so scared she’ll put the embarrassing shit she knows about him to use

bob and trip: dyslexic bob sheldon who claims he just ‘doesn’t get it’ when he struggles with homework, and trip who helps him out without making any jokes at bob’s expense. trip (in my head) presents as quite stoic on the outside even though he’s secretly silly, while bob is more outwardly silly, so they balance each other out. trip who knows the best out of all the guys that the fighting is worthless, but knows exactly why bob does it. and bob who knows trip doesn’t fully support the fighting, but encourages him to join in so trip can control something. they’re not the absolute closest of the bunch, but they are very important to me!!

bob and chet: bob sheldon who wreaks havoc on his parents to try and get them to parent him better, but he takes things far more seriously when chet is the one being ignored by his parents. bob who doesn’t let chet go a night sleeping at his own home unless it’s by choice, so he always fixes up the couch for him in case chet lets himself in while bob’s asleep. they’re close. they’re so similar in the way they’re treated by their families, and how they choose to cope with that treatment. i don’t think i can actually put into words how important they are to meee!!!

bob and bev: oh you thought he was scared of marcia? beverly jitney-bush is no man’s peace. they’re close in the way they argue a ton but it doesn’t change their dynamic at all! with bev constantly at brill’s, and brill living 2 doors down from bob, they spend a lot of time together! bob’s probably the most headstrong guy, while bev’s the most headstrong girl, so they’re both close and at constant odds with each other. i think they argue because they’re similar, but they know they understand each other well enough to know when they’re going too far.

bob and brill: childhood best friends type shit!! they’ve known each other since they were little kids, and brill’s always balanced bob out really well. when bob’s letting his emotions guide him, brill’s there to help him regulate himself. they’re pretty big opposites from each other, but it’s something that really comes in handy when one gets in a situation he’s not exactly equipped for, because the other will always come to his aid. all the more tragic considering bob and brill make direct eye contact when bob gets stabbed

[apricot-blossomss]

Hey. I LOVE what you've been writing for Apollo. Could I request something preferably gn but up to you?

Something about a devotee of Athena and Ares' lover? Like they were a wonderful fighter, got spotted and gained Athena's favour (I was kinka thinking like Odysseus). I just thought the idea of one of Athena's heroes loving her rival

☛ athena's devotee! gn! reader having a secret love affair with ares

☛ sfw, fluff & angst, first oneshot for ares!

Peace had never really been an option for you. From a young age, your life had been marked by chaos, violence and war- all things you were good at. Maybe that was the reason meditation or calmly going into yourself just didn't work for you. Thus, you were making the training puppets the victims of your pent up frustration.

Being a hero of Athena had its blessings and curses, and you walked on the fine balance between the two. Hacking at the props blindly, your mind wandered to one of the more ambiguous side effects of your position- though it was all but inherent. But if you hadn't been a chosen devotee of Athena, you would have certainly never caught the eye of another god who had all but holy intentions.

Suddenly, one of the figures you were attacking parried and you ripped your eyes open, just in time to dodge a hit by your opponent and get a closer look at him. The initial shock turned into excitement as you deflected a blow and evaded the sword of the mighty god of war himself. With a new rush of adrenaline in tow, you ducked and attacked his flank. Effortlessly, his sword arm shot down, and he took advantage of your short moment of hesitation and his physical superiority to disarm you and make you unable to retrieve your weapon- or steal his, your speciality- by pulling you into his chest and locking you in.

With a mirth in your eyes that made him crazy every time, you smiled up at him. "We have to stop meeting like this, or I'll win again."

"Ts," he made and his dark baritone vibrated against your body, since he still held you snugly against his broad chest. "Only because I let you win." He released you, and in complete contrast to the brutal swing of his sword, his touch was now very gentle as he set you down. You appreciated it, because it was rare that anyone had a little gentleness for you.

"Whatever you want to tell yourself," you grin and saw him mirror your expression. The god bent down to get your sword off the ground and wordlessly handed it back to you. You took it and wrapped your smaller hand around his as you walked over to the shed where you kept your weapons. He let you take him there without any resistance.

Even after all these months, holding your hand was still a strange feeling to the god. Not only that it was so much smaller, it was so soft, and yet had the same small cuts and bruises as his. Not that Ares had ever been good at reflecting on, much less expressing his feelings, but he did know that holding your hand felt good.

"Rough day?," you asked, and he wondered how your eyes could still be so kind, even when looking at him, even after what your life had become.

"Rough life," he said and you laughed at his poor attempt of a joke. He resorted to what he could do best, aside from fighting: he frowned in response. Because he didn't want to let you see how your little laugh had his chest swell with- something. Something warm, something good.

"So, what do we do about that?" you asked and your peppy optimism made him chuckle. He did know one thing: life was hell for the both of you. Only he frowned, and you enthusiastically pulled him away from the fighting grounds to savor the little time you two had with each other at a more peaceful place- and yes, you were aware of the irony of that.

At a secluded spot on the beach, you rested in the shadow of a tree and put a head on his shoulder. With him, you were always the one to make the first move. In touching and kissing because Ares was very unsure of himself when it came to affection, in fighting because he was too sure of himself. You snuggled closer to him and he got the message and wrapped his arm around your shoulders. "Ares?"

A low hum was all you got in response. "Did you... did you tell Lady Athena about us?"

"No," he said curtly and looked down at you. His fiery eyes were somehow more calming than the quiet sea, or the soft wind. There had to be something wrong with you, that you could lie in the hands of destruction and feel more content than you would any other place. "Why?"

Chewing on your bottom lip, you looked back out onto the ocean, with its gentle, rippling waves, and wished you could parve a way through them to make them feel like you felt. Divided. "She asked me whether there was someone- someone more important to me than her."

"Am I?"

Shocked, you turned around and slapped him across the neck which only made him smile in amusement. "Gods, you're just as bad as her! Why does it always have to be a 'more' or a 'most' with you both?"

Ares gave you an apologetical smile and caught your hand, just to guide it into his locks, a rare show of initiating contact. "It always is with us. I'm sorry you're caught in between that."

"I love you both," you said stubbornly and caressed his scalp, making him groan in delight and rest his head on your shoulder. "Why can't I just love you both?" He didn't answer that question, and you were glad he didn't. Because the topic had turned awfully negative, you smiled down at him cheerily. "Well, at least it's exciting, all that sneaking around and hiding. Like a stealth mission with an unusually lovable partner."

"I'm not," he said, eyes closed and savoring your warm touch. "I'm not lovable. You are." It wasn't flirting, but maybe as close to it as he could.

"If you aren't lovable, what am I doing here?" you asked, making him look at you and hovering just over his lips in a silent challenge for him to close the gap between you.

"No idea," he whispered, something he rarely did, and leaned up to kiss you. Weirdly enough, Ares kisses were shy in the beginning, and as soon as you made them more, he exploded into a fervor of spit and passion and clashing teeth as if he had been constraining himself for too long. You knew why, he didn't have to tell you. Or rather: he did tell you, in the way he held your hands, your body, the back of your neck as he responded to you deepening the kiss with a series of passionate kisses, capturing your lips as if in a haze of fury.

It was you who broke away- never him, always you. Looking up into his restless eyes, in your own little world with him, breathing each other's breaths, you let your smile be, and he his frown. Just looking, just feeling, just thinking about each other and not sharing your thoughts because you trusted und knew each other enough.

"Being divided isn't so bad, you know?" you said and brushed his raven black hair out of his eyes, one of which being adorned by a vertical scar. "I'd be less whole, if I was- whole, you know?"

"I'm not good with your philosophical monologues," he said gently and pulled you closer, but you knew he understood, even if he didn't know he did.

🗡️

"Brother."

The last thing Ares wanted to talk to as he was drowning in the oh so sweet memories of last night was his tight-lipped sister and rival Athena. Still, he took notice of her by looking up from the attack he was overseeing on earth. He was surprised to find her not decked in her usual armor but dressed in a simple, functional tunic.

"May I sit?"

Grumbling under his breath and nodding, the god redirected his eyes to the battle down on earth. He had a good idea what she wanted from him, but he wasn't going to give it up. That she was the goddess of strategy didn't change the fact that Ares, too, understood the subtext here. The tunic meant a deal, a draw, that, if Athena had her wish, would result in her making him leave you.

He knew how she would do it, because he knew her. She wouldn't outright say it, she would break him down bit by bit, telling him he was not fit, he was going to cause you harm, that you deserved better. But it wouldn't work. Not because he knew it was wrong- it wasn't. But because, at heart, he was a selfish man. He loved you unconditionally, but as long as you didn't strike against him with the attempt to do harm, he would not leave you. And even then, he would never stop loving you, not ever. That he knew.

"They are not going to win, you know?" Athena said quietly as she seated herself beside him, nodding down to the battlefield.

"I know." Silence. "They will wreck unrepairable damage to their enemy, though." He felt Athena's grey eyes on him, but he didn't return their frown. His gaze had wandered- it had never been wholly focused on the fight in the first place. There you were. He spotted you, cooking dinner in your cabin for yourself. Always a bit more than necessary, in case he would come. He had been planning to.

"Is that what you're trying to do to me?" his sister asked him sharply and Ares' head shot around at the remark.

"This isn't about you"

"Of course it's about me." Athena let out a short, dry laugh. "It's about me and your pride. But they don't have anything to do with this. Leave them out of this fight, do not use them against me."

Ares had been wrong, and it felt like a gut punch. His sister didn't even allow him the grace to assume he could love you. Of course. He was just a bloodthirsty monster after all, unable to love, only lust and kill. Because he didn't know how else to say it, and because the heat bubbling in his chest threatened to explode into violent rage, he told her. "I love them."

"No, you don't," Athena hissed. "If you would, you would leave them alone. You are selfish and lustful, and you want to corner me, but it won't work."

"Are you trying to lecture me about love?" Ares scoffed, having a hard time containing his anger. "About selfishness? You are so self-centered, you can't even see- you can't-" He was raging now, which was always a bad move against Athena.

"They deserve better than you," she said coldly. "They deserve a gentle, loving spouse who will grow old with them and be there for them."

"Yes," the god confirmed. "But they chose me. Respect that, sister," he growled as his troops retreated and rose to his feet, uninterested in continuing the conversation. Athena was uncharacteristically quiet when he stormed off.

🗡️

The door slammed so hard against the wall that you jumped, even though you instinctively knew who it was. Not even a second later, strong arms closed around you from behind as you felt his chest heave against your back. His raspy voice next to your ear. "Kiss me or I'm gonna break something."

"What's wrong?" you breathed as you turned around in his arms and found yourself face to face with pure, unfiltered rage. His grip on you only tightened as if he was barely holding himself together. For a moment you were unable to breathe at all as you looked into his eyes.

With a long groan, his lips clashed with yours. In the heated kiss, you could feel all his pent up frustration, all his anger and fury. It was amazing. You kissed him back, standing on your toes for better access, and he hoisted you up onto the counter effortlessly. "Don't- fuck- don't look at me," he mumbled in between kisses.

Instead of an answer, you brought your hands into his hair, pulling him impossibly closer to you. His wandered to your waist as his lips travelled down your neck, biting and marking like a man possessed. Moaning out a curse, you reluctantly pulled away from him. "Ares- if she sees the marks-"

"She knows," he muttered darkly, continuing his ministrations as you felt your lungs constrict. Unable to think about the consequences of this as he was covering your neck and collarbone in marks and bruises, you let his rough hands slip under your shirt, kneading your waist. Ares cursed when you pulled at the roots of his hair and you could feel his hot breath caressing your ear. "You're mine, right? You love me?"

"Y-yeah," you chocked out as he nibbled at the base of your throat. "I'm yours, I love you." The only answer you got was a guttural groan. Suddenly, you felt the tension leave his body as he slumped into you, hiding his face in the marked up crook of your neck. His arms encircled you as he caught his breath slowly. How fast had he sprinted to get to you?

You released your grip on his dark locks and opted to brushing through them gently. With a low hum, you let him catch his breath and cool his anger, curling into your body, as you caressed his hair and shoulders. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yes"

The answer surprised you. As he looked up from your neck, you could see that the fiery storm in his eyes had calmed slightly. For a second, he looked really tired, before his signature frown adorned his face once more. "But not here. Not now."

You nodded and pecked the tip of his nose. "I'll draw you a bath, alright?" Only reluctantly, he let you go and when you slipped through the door, he propped up his head on his hands, rubbing his temples. They deserve better than you. Yes, you did. But he knew he couldn't give this up: your kisses, your hands caressing his hair, your understanding eyes and soothing voice that called out for him from the bath.

The tub was still a little too hot, but that was exactly what he needed. Laying down in the warm water, he looked up at you with your shining eyes and breathtaking smile. How could he be the god? You were divine.

Running a sponge over his shoulders softly, your hands traced his many scars and he felt himself grow self-conscious under your observant eyes. "I'm not... beautiful," he said into the silence, in lack of a better term. Surprised, you looked up at him and frowned. "Yes you are. Have you seen yourself?"

He didn't answer, so you leaned down, put your arms around his soaked, naked shoulders and ran your lips up and down his scars. Your hair grew moist as you rested your head on his shoulder, intertwining your hands with his. "You are the most beautiful man I know. Inside and out."

Ares couldn't believe you, but the words still felt nice, as did your touch, so he only leaned into it, sighing into the relief you offered his restless soul.

They deserve better than you.

He tried to drown out the words and only concentrate on you. If he could, he would write you elaborate declarations, but that wasn't his thing, so he only kissed your temple softly and closed his eyes, knowing he was safe with you now, for however long that may be.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

[asher-agere]

Hh.. a puppwy regressor Dazai and kwity Chuuywa having a lil plway date while one iz regressed older to makwe sure nothing gwo wrong ૮ . ତ . ა๑

I find puppy regressor Dazai to be hilarious since he hates dogs so much- Silly little puppy doesn’t know what he’s saying! Or maybe he says he hates them to hide that he is one…

Puppy Regressor Dazai + Kitty Regressor Chuuya

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

⛤ I think Chuuya would regress slightly older! I think Dazai’s age range is around 2-5 while Chuuya’s is 3-6, so there’s gonna be times where Dazai is the big kid for sure! But most of the time it’s gonna be Chuuya hehe, so we’ll go with that! Younger puppy Dazai just wants to play play play! Chuuya likes playing of course! But the puppy can be so messy and reckless… At least one of them needs to be responsible here!

𐂯 They usually have play dates at Chuuya’s house. Chuuya has so much more space and more toys! And more snacks… Everything is better at Chuuya’s house! They play very differently though… Chuuya will roll one of his balls to Dazai, wanting to pass it back and forth, but then Dazai picks it up and runs off! And Chuuya doesn’t even chase him! Chuuya just meows at him until he brings it back, then bats it to Dazai again! Puppy understands eventually. Chuuya also doesn’t like to wrestle! So rude. Dazai will pounce onto him and roll around and Chuuya just hisses at him and scampers off. But Chuuya will come back and bat at Dazai, so he definitely doesn’t totally hate it

ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི Blanket beds! Chuuya’s like entire living room is just blankets when they’re having a play date. Maybe he’d even get a beanbag! Super soft and good for laying in! Chuuya takes time to make it nice and perfect then he’ll lay down purring, soaking up the sun. Then Dazai comes in! Dazai hops right into the blankets bed and rolls around, digging up the blankets, making a mess of it all! Once Dazai gets himself comfy though Chuuya will remake it around him and then maybe even go snuggle up next to Dazai! They’re sooooo cute when they sleep together

⛤ Dazai’s just a little pup, so he needs to ask for Chuuya’s help a whole lot! Chuuya preps things before he regresses so it’s nice and easy! He’ll always have a bowl of water, usually with a straw nearby for Dazai! Maybe he’d even get a little water fountain ૮₍´˶• . • ⑅ ₎ა Chuuya also bakes cookies and cuts them into little bone shapes to look like dog treats! He hides them someplace to give them to Dazai! Only when he’s super good though hehe. Puppy loves his treats! I think specifically Dazai would like peanut butter cookies! Or pumpkin, I feel like both fit

𐂯 Lots of fish! Chuuya likes seafood because kitty cats love fish! And Dazai loves crab like in canon. So crab is a go to meal during playdates! Both of them are more than happy to have some crab on a plate and eat! Maybe they’ll put on some cartoons or something, always about animals! Cats and dogs specifically of course hehe. Silly animal brains can’t fully focus, but what they do understand of the cartoons is really nice!

ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི Most of the time though their go to thing to watch is windows! Chuuya likes watching birds hehe, Dazai watches people! He’ll start whining and pawing at the glass sometimes, other times he’ll get sooo excited! Fully body shaking and he’ll start barking happily! Chuuya very much so dislikes this and he’ll hiss, backing away from Dazai but not away from the window. He still wants to watch the birds! Duh

⛤ Chuuya has a few balls or robotic mice that he’ll play with and chase around. Dazai always tried playing with his toys though! And silly puppy is way to rough with the kitty cats toys… So Chuuya bought him some chew toys! Dazai will happily munch on his own toys, watching Chuuya dart around to play, but not giving chase! He’s very proud of himself, the bestest of good boys. Chuuya is just pleased he can play in peace

𐂯 How they show affection to each other! I think Chuuya mainly just does little head butts. Like he’ll ram his head into Dazai’s side, meow at him slightly, then just curl up next to the pup. Dazai bites! Nom nom nom. It’s affectionate bites! He’s always super careful not to hurt Chuuya of course. And he’ll do play bows! Barking happily and trying to pounce on the kitty! Chuuya is not a fan of this kind of affection

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

I hope you can enjoy Ren! Ren is suuuuch a good boy everyone! /ᐠ > ˕ <マ ₊˚⊹♡ Hehe everyone have a great day/night!

[tiramisuucakeee]

SWAN LAKE ⋆. 𐙚 ˚

( reader x park sunghoon )

IN WHICH: every night, at 2am, park sunghoon meets his dream girl by a swan lake, and she’s always there for him.

BTW: omg why is this man so whimsical and angelic, i haven’t been able to write anything good 4 jw cause of hoon.

read more !

the sky stretched wide and endless, an ocean of soft lavender and indigo. the air was warm, and the grass beneath unghoon’s feet felt like a gentle whisper against his skin as he walked.

his movements were slow, almost as if he weren’t quite in control, as if something beyond him was guiding him forward, leading him to this place.

a flower field. the wild blooms — delicate petals of pale pink, lavender, and white — seemed to sway in rhythm with the breeze, a soft lullaby in the air.

sunghoon didn’t know how he got here, but he never really did. he never asked questions when he found himself in this world. there was no need. it was as though this place had always been waiting for him.

he walked without thinking, his feet moving of their own accord, pulling him gently toward the lake in the distance. the trees around the lake swayed like silent guardians, their leaves shimmering under the soft moonlight.

and there you were — by the water's edge.

you crouched down on the soft grass, your presence serene and otherworldly. a handful of crumbs scattered gently around you, and swans glided, their pure white feathers almost glowing against the silvery surface of the water. the scene was peaceful, suspended in time, like something from a forgotten dream.

sunghoon stopped at the edge of the lake, his gaze drawn to you, mesmerized by the way the moonlight seemed to caress your face, as if the night itself had chosen you. your skin seemed to shimmer faintly, as though you were made of light itself.

every night, you were here. and every night, he found himself returning to you, though he had no memory of how or why. still, he knew you were the one constant in this world, the one thing that made everything else feel right.

sunghoon stepped closer, careful not to disturb the calm. his heart beat just a little faster.

"you’re here," he murmured, his voice barely a whisper, unsure if it was meant for you or for himself. you turned toward him, throwing him a smile, soft and knowing, like you had been expecting him all along.

"i’m always here," you replied, your voice like a breeze, light and comforting. you didn't stand, didn't move to greet him, but your presence alone was enough. always enough.

you let your gaze linger on him with warmth, as though you could see into his soul, into the places he kept hidden, untouched.

the swans, serene and majestic, circled around her, gliding effortlessly on the glassy surface of the lake. for a moment, everything around you seemed to fade away, leaving just the two of you and the gentle rustle of the night.

sunghoon felt an ache in his chest, an unfamiliar pull. he wanted to say something, to ask, but the words felt fragile, too heavy to speak aloud. instead, he just watched you, the way the soft light danced around the dream, the way you seemed to belong here, as though this place and the stillness of the world were woven into your very being.

you caught his gaze again, a glimmer of something deeper in that bright color of your eyes eyes. "you don’t have to ask me again sunghoon," you said softly. "i will always be here, for you."

and somehow, in the quiet, he understood. he understood that this place was your place, the lake and the swans and the soft flowers that whispered in the breeze.

he wanted to stay, to hold onto this moment forever, but the pull of the world beyond this dream was strong, and he knew — without knowing how — that the night would end. but for now, in the stillness, he was content to simply be with you.

the swans dipped their heads into the water, and the soft ripples mirrored the quiet, unspoken connection between them.

your voice broke the silence again, soft and tender. "it’s almost time, but you’ll come back to me, won’t you?"

he nodded, a quiet promise forming in his chest. "always."

and with that, the dream began to shift, the world around them starting to fade. but he held onto the image of you, your smile, your calm, like a lifeline in the sea of uncertainty. as the soft hum of his alarm and the light of a new day claimed him once more, he knew he would return.

he always did.

the morning passed in a blur. sunghoon went through his usual routine — shower, breakfast, the mundane tasks that set the tone for the day.

though his mind kept drifting back to you. it was hard not to, even though he knew you wouldn’t be there, not in the world he walked through every day. yet, there was something about this routine that always made him search for you, like an echo he couldn’t shake.

as he sat in his lecture, eyes scanning the room, he found himself looking for you in the faces around him. every glance seemed to pull at him, a quiet ache in his chest when he couldn’t find what he was looking for.

sometimes, when he was lost in thought, he’d find himself staring at someone, expecting to see you in their eyes, hoping maybe this time, the person sitting next to him would be you.

but of course, they never were. and he always felt the disappointment settle like a weight on his chest. no one ever looked quite like you.

he was so lost in his thoughts that he barely noticed when the professor called an end to class, his voice snapping him out of the trance he hadn’t even realized he’d slipped into.

as the room began to clear out, and sunghoon quickly gathered his things, his mind still on you, on the lake, on the feeling of your presence that stayed with him even in the waking world.

without thinking, he made his way to the patio outside, where the small artificial lake sat in the courtyard. it wasn’t as grand as the one in his dreams, but it was enough. the water was calm, the soft murmur of the fountain in the middle of it echoing in the quiet. sunghoon sat on a bench near the edge, gazing out at the lake, lost in his thoughts again.

his heart ached with something he couldn’t name. the feeling of being torn between two worlds, neither one fully real, neither one fully his.

he stayed like that for a few minutes, just breathing, letting the cool air and the distant sounds of campus life wash over him. but the peaceful silence didn’t last long. voices interrupted his solitude — laughter, the shuffle of footsteps.

sunghoon turned slightly, finding heeseung and jungwon approaching him, both of them wearing concerned looks.

"hey," heeseung said, his voice light but with a hint of worry. "we’ve been looking everywhere for you. what’s up? you left class in a hurry."

jungwon mirrored his friend’s expression, tilting his head. "are you okay? you seemed kind of out of it."

sunghoon blinked, momentarily disoriented as he came back to reality. he wasn’t used to his friends seeing him like this, lost in his own head. he gave them a small smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

"yeah," he said, his voice a little distant, "i’m fine. just… needed some air."

heeseung raised an eyebrow, clearly not buying it, but he didn’t push. instead, he plopped down next to sunghoon on the bench, nudging him lightly with his shoulder. "you sure? you've been kinda off lately. it’s not like you to zone out in class so much."

jungwon leaned against the railing, arms crossed, looking down at the water. "you’ve been acting weird for a while now," he said, his voice quieter, almost concerned. "is something on your mind?"

sunghoon didn’t answer right away. how could he? how could he explain to them the strange pull he felt, the dream world that was always there, waiting for him? the girl he’d never seen, but always knew, the feeling of her presence that never quite left him, no matter how many hours he spent awake.

instead, he just sighed, running a hand through his hair. "i don’t know," he muttered. "just… thinking about stuff."

"stuff?" heeseung pressed. "like what?"

sunghoon looked out at the lake, unsure how to explain the emptiness he felt, the constant ache he couldn’t quite shake. he wanted to say something — anything — but the words seemed to slip away before they could take form.

"nothing," he finally said, quieter now, his voice almost lost in the soft noise of campus life around them, "just nothing."

his friends exchanged a glance, but they didn’t push him further. instead, jungwon spoke up with a half-smile, trying to lighten the mood. "well, if you’re ever up for talking, you know we’re here."

heeseung and jungwon didn’t linger on the topic for long. after a moment of quiet, heeseung broke the silence, his voice light and teasing.

“by the way,” he said, glancing at sunghoon, “everything’s set for the camping trip next weekend. jake’s been texting you non-stop, asking if you’re coming. he’s worried you won’t show up since you haven’t replied to any of his messages.”

sunghoon blinked, momentarily pulled from his thoughts. camping trip? he’d almost forgotten.

it was something they did every year, a weekend getaway with their friend group — just to unwind, get away from the grind of school or uni, and have some fun. he usually looked forward to it, but this time, the thought felt distant.

“right,” sunghoon murmured, rubbing the back of his neck. “i’ll go.”

heeseung raised an eyebrow. “you sure? we’ve been trying to get you involved in stuff, but you keep slipping away from our fingers. like you’ve been spending your time in something else.”

“i’m fine,” sunghoon said, forcing a small smile. “i’ll be there. tell jake i’ll go.”

jungwon nodded, though he still looked a little skeptical. “alright, if you say so. but we’re going to need you to actually answer his calls this time, okay? no disappearing on your friends.”

“i won’t,” sunghoon replied, though his thoughts were already elsewhere.

"alright, cool," heeseung said, standing up and giving him a playful shove. "you better not bail on us last minute. jake’s already planning the whole thing around you."

sunghoon smiled faintly, standing up as well, though his gaze lingered on the lake a moment longer before he turned to follow his friends. "i promise i won’t," he said, more to himself than anyone else.

heeseung and jungwon headed back toward campus, talking about the trip, their voices fading into the distance. sunghoon walked a few steps behind them, his mind once again wandering. the camping trip was something he’d usually be excited for.

he shook his head, trying to clear the thoughts, and quickened his pace to catch up with his friends. for now, the real world was waiting, and he had to find his way back to it. even if it felt a little more empty than usual.

the dream that night felt different, darker somehow. sunghoon drifted into sleep, but when he closed his eyes, it wasn’t the peaceful dreamscape he was used to. this time, the world was cold. the sky was a heavy shade of gray, and a relentless rain poured down in sheets, soaking everything. the air was thick, suffocating, as if the weight of it was pressing on his chest. nothing felt right.

he stood in the middle of it, feeling his clothes stick to his skin, the wetness seeping through him, but his gaze was locked on the lake in the distance. it was quieter than it should have been. no swans gliding across the water, no soft ripples breaking the surface. just you.

you stood there, alone, at the water’s edge, staring out into the endless, gray horizon. your hair clung to your face, wet strands dripping down your cheeks, and your clothes were soaked through, clinging to your form as if the storm had claimed you. the sight of you, so different from the peaceful, ethereal presence he was used to, twisted something in his gut.

he ran toward you, his heart pounding loudly as he called out. “y/n? what happened? what’s going on?”

you didn’t turn to him right away. you just stood there, staring into the distance, as if you hadn’t even heard him. he could see the tears in your eyes, and the sight of them made his chest tighten in a way he couldn’t explain.

it wasn’t just the storm, the rain, the chaos — it was the look on your face, something he’d never seen before. You were hurting.

finally, you spoke, your voice barely above a whisper, carried away by the wind and rain. “sunghoon,” you said. “i need you to tell me what you feel about me.”

sunghoon froze. his heart skipped a beat. his mouth went dry. he wanted to answer, but the words seemed tangled in his throat, as if saying them might somehow break something. or maybe it was the fear that they wouldn’t change anything at all — that no matter how much he said, the outcome wouldn’t be what he hoped for, because at the end of the day, you were just a fragment of his imagination.

but your eyes were still on him, waiting, expecting.

he took a step closer, unsure of what to do. “i… i don’t know why it matters,” he stammered. “what would it change?”

you didn’t reply at first. you just looked at him, your eyes wide with something he couldn’t read, something deeper than the sadness that clung to you. the wind whipped around him, the rain stinging his skin, but all he could focus on was you.

“you can tell me,” you said again, softer this time. “what is it really?”

sunghoon closed his eyes for a moment, the weight of the question pressing on him. he had always felt it — this deep, almost overwhelming pull toward you, this ache in his chest that was like a constant companion. you were his dream girl, his perfect vision, the one he could never reach. the one who wasn’t real, and yet, somehow, felt more real than anything else.

his mind raced, his heart was a mess of thoughts and feelings, and he wondered if saying it out loud would somehow ruin everything — if confessing the depth of his feelings would make you disappear, like something too fragile to touch.

but the rain kept falling, and the cold seeping into his bones wouldn’t go away. you were still standing there, waiting. so, finally, he whispered the truth, though it felt like it might tear him apart.

“i love you,” he said, the words slipping from his lips in a breathless rush. “i’ve always loved you, since the day i first saw you. you’re everything. and when i’m awake… it’s like you’re still there, calling to me. but you are never there.”

he waited for you to say something, to do something. but instead, you stepped back, your face falling into a quiet sorrow. the storm raged around you, but all he could see was the way you trembled, the way your shoulders shook as if the weight of the world had suddenly settled on you.

his heart broke. no, no, this isn’t how it was supposed to be. why are you crying?

“no, please don’t cry,” he begged, stepping closer, but the space between you felt impossibly wide. “please, don’t. i need you. i need you to stay. why — why are you crying?”

you wiped your eyes, though the tears kept falling, mixing with the rain on your face. “i’m sorry,” you whispered, your voice barely audible above the storm. “i wish i could stay. i know i promised to be here, but i can’t. i’m not real. i can't stay in this world.”

sunghoon felt his chest tighten, the panic starting to rise in his throat. “no, don’t say that. i don’t care. i don’t care if it’s real or not, i just need you to stay. you mean everything to me.”

you shook your head, your lips trembling as you took a step back, the distance growing between you like an invisible wall. “you don’t understand. i can’t stay here. it’s not my dream, it’s yours.”

sunghoon reached for you, desperate, his heart hammering in his chest. “then tell me! if it’s my dream, tell me why i can’t make you stay, what’s wrong, why are you leaving?” he pleaded.

but you only looked at him, your gaze full of sorrow and something else — something he couldn’t name. “you’ll find the answer soon, i can’t be here anymore.”

the words hit him like a blow. “no, please — don’t go.”

you took another step back, your form beginning to blur, the rain washing over you as you faded, like a memory slipping through his fingers. “maybe… when the time is right, you’ll find me again at the swan lake. but now, you have to let me go, sunghoon.”

sunghoon’s breath caught in his throat. “i won’t forget you. i won’t — ”

but then you were gone. the storm, the rain, the lake — it all vanished in an instant. and he was left standing alone, drenched, the emptiness clawing at him. he called out, but there was no answer. no echo. just the hollow silence of the world without you.

sunghoon woke with a jolt, his chest tight and his heart racing, the remnants of the dream lingering in the darkness. he lay there in his bed, staring at the ceiling, unable to shake the feeling that something was slipping through his fingers.

his body restless under the blankets, the room too still, too empty. the darkness felt suffocating, pressing in on him, as if it were mocking him. the world outside was quiet, but inside, his thoughts roared, each one louder than the last, each one circling back to you.

he squeezed his eyes shut, desperate to sleep, desperate to return to that world, to you. but it felt impossible. there was no comfort in the thought of closing his eyes anymore. he couldn’t shake the fear that if he fell asleep, he wouldn’t find you. you wouldn’t be there, waiting for him at the edge of the lake.

his heart clenched at the thought, and he turned over. his body felt heavy, exhausted from the emotional turmoil, but his mind refused to rest.

his hand went to his chest, and for a moment, he let the silence of the room envelop him. maybe it’s just a nightmare he tried to reason, though the thought didn’t sit well with him. maybe that wasn’t dream you, but nightmare you. but even as he thought that, a part of him recoiled. he didn’t want to let go.

he rubbed his eyes, exhausted, but sleep still felt like a cruel joke. he didn’t know how long he laid there, but eventually, he sank deeper into bed, hoping, praying that when he closed his eyes, he would be pulled back to the place where you waited for him.

but no matter how much he wished, no matter how many times he closed his eyes, you didn’t appear. there was no lake, no soft glow of moonlight, no ethereal swans gliding across the water. just darkness. just silence.

he was completely alone.

the next week was a blur for sunghoon. he barely slept, running on nothing but coffee and the remnants of his dreams, which now felt like cruel taunts rather than escapes. he couldn’t shake the emptiness inside him, that gnawing sense that something was missing.

and no matter how hard he tried to focus, to convince himself that he was just tired or stressed, the truth lingered in the back of his mind like a shadow that wouldn’t leave.

his friends noticed, of course. heeseung would throw concerned glances at him, jungwon would nudge him every time he spaced out, but no one knew what was really going on. they didn’t know the world he kept slipping into at night, or how the weight of his unspoken feelings was slowly crushing him.

by the time the camping trip arrived, sunghoon barely felt like he was even present. the drive out to the site, the laughter of his friends, the hustle of setting up tents — it all felt like background noise.

everyone was too caught up in their own excitement, their own energy, to notice how empty he was. how far away his thoughts were from reality.

heeseung, always perceptive, was the first to speak up. “hey, sunghoon,” he called, throwing a glance over his shoulder as he worked on getting the tent pegs in the ground. “could you go grab some wood for the fire. we’ll need it soon.”

sunghoon nodded, too tired to protest. he didn’t care. the physical exertion would be a welcome distraction, something to occupy his hands, to make his body move, instead of just floating through everything like a ghost.

he dragged himself toward the nearby woods, the sounds of his friends fading into the background. the path ahead was shaded and quiet, and as he stumbled through the underbrush, his mind wandered again, tracing the memories of the dream. when will i ever see you again? it was the only thought that filled his mind, over and over, louder than anything else.

he didn’t even notice when his feet began to follow a small trail of flower petals scattered along the path until the first one caught his eye.

he paused, his brow furrowing in confusion. the petals were soft, delicate, each one a perfect, pale shade of white with hints of lavender. they seemed out of place here in the woods, where the earth was muddy and the trees blocked out the sky. but still, they led him forward, each step drawing him deeper into the woods, each petal leading him toward something he couldn’t yet name.

he crouched down to examine the trail, his fingers brushing against the petals as if afraid to disturb them. am i asleep? he thought, half-expecting to turn around and find nothing. it felt like a sign — something that could break through the endless emptiness inside him.

he stood up, his heart picking up its pace as he began to follow the trail, his senses sharpened in the thick quiet of the forest. he wasn’t sure what he was hoping for. maybe it was a moment of peace, something to make the aching stop. but part of him feared what it might lead to.

but as he walked, the trail of petals grew clearer, more distinct. they led him toward a small clearing, surrounded by tall trees, the light filtering through the leaves in muted beams. and then he saw it.

there, in the center of the clearing, was a small lake.

his breath caught in his throat.

it’s the lake. the one from his dreams.

the water was perfectly still, reflecting the gray sky above, with an eerie silence that felt too familiar. swans danced in the water surface as they calmly went about.

and this time, you were there.

standing at the edge of the water, just like before. your hair hung around your face, but this time, it wasn’t the stormy scene from his dream. you looked different — more peaceful, like a soft glow radiated from you, the only thing that seemed untouched by the harshness of the world around you, still, you looked like he could reach out to you, and finally feel something.

sunghoon's heart raced as he stepped forward, his feet moving almost instinctively, drawn to you like a magnet. “you’re here,” he whispered, barely able to believe it.

but you turned to him, and for a moment, everything else faded away. the ache in his chest, the exhaustion in his bones, the worries that had followed him for days — all of it seemed to vanish in the presence of your eyes, the warmth of your gaze.

“sunghoon,” you said softly, your voice breaking the silence like the gentle ripple of water. “i knew you’d find me.”

his breath caught in his throat, and all the words that had been building up inside him — the confessions, the questions — were suddenly impossible to say. he stepped closer, his hands trembling as he reached out, afraid that if he touched you, you would disappear again.

please don’t go. the words were stuck in his throat.

“why?” he finally managed to ask, his voice shaking. “why now? why here?”

you looked at him, your face filled with an expression he couldn’t quite read, a mix of sadness and something else. regret, or maybe love.

“i am sorry for everything,” you said quietly. “for the bad dream.” your voice faltered, and you glanced down at the water, as if the question hung in the air between you. "but it’s not a bad dream anymore. i’m here, with you. and i’m real, and you are too."

sunghoon’s heart skipped, and the words you didn’t say hung heavy between you, both of you feeling the weight of things unsaid. he was close now, close enough to see the faint tremor in your hands, and the vulnerability in your eyes. close enough to see that you were real. he reached out again, his fingers gently tracing the edge of your wrist, grounding himself in the warmth of your presence.

“i didn’t know how to find you," he admitted, his voice soft and raw, "not in that world… not without losing everything.”

you exhaled, a quiet sound that almost seemed like a sigh of relief. there was something in his eyes, something that made you feel like you were finally seeing him — really seeing him — for the first time since everything had fractured. you had thought it would be impossible, but here, in the quiet space between you, it didn’t feel impossible anymore.

“i didn’t want you to think you had to give up anything for someone who didn’t exist,” you said, avoiding his gaze for a moment, the words so fragile you almost didn’t speak them.

“but i would have,” he replied without hesitation, his fingers now lightly cupping your hand. "i would have done anything, if it meant… if it meant you stayed." his voice cracked, and he let the silence settle between you both, the unspoken truth heavier than anything either of you had ever said out loud.

you finally met his gaze, eyes soft but unwavering. “sunghoon, you don’t understand yet,” you murmured, “those dreams, you were in mine too. but they weren’t exactly dreams.”

a part of you knew the weight of those words — how close they were to the truth, but how much more delicate they became the moment you spoke them aloud.

he squeezed your hand, as if to hold onto you, to make sure you were real. “i’m glad you’re here.”

sunghoon’s fingers tightened around yours as the realization slowly seeped into his mind — like a quiet epiphany that had been waiting to be acknowledged. he hadn’t fully understood it before, but now, in the soft light of the moment, he began to piece it together. the dreams. the moments when you were so real to him, yet so impossibly far away. they were like a vision. it all made sense in a way he couldn’t have explained to anyone else.

you and i weren’t meant to meet in that world, he thought, his chest tightening with the weight of this truth. but somehow… we did.

his gaze shifted to the horizon, where the fading light of the setting sun painted the sky in hues of orange and pink, and for a fleeting second, he could almost see it — the distant echo of a future that hadn’t yet happened, but which now felt inevitable.

“do you remember?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. “the way we met… in the dream? it felt like... like i was searching for you. like i was always supposed to find you.”

you nodded slowly, your eyes soft but distant, as if you were looking at something only you could see. “i felt it too. that pull. like it wasn’t just me... but something else guiding you.”

he let out a breath, his mind trying to wrap around the idea. “it wasn’t just a dream, was it? it was like... a message. like i was meant to find you, no matter how far away you seemed.”

your eyes flickered with something — understanding, maybe, or a bittersweet longing. “it was the only way for you to really find me. for us to meet."

sunghoon’s breath hitched. his thoughts swirled as if time itself had looped in a way he couldn’t fully explain. the dreams now seemed like fragments of something far more complex than he had ever imagined. they were glimpses — glimpses of a future, or a past, or perhaps a version of himself that knew more than he did.

“a message,” he repeated softly, more to himself than to you. “to find you. to make sure i didn’t miss you again.”

you gave him a quiet smile, your eyes a mix of wonder and acceptance, as if you understood the gravity of what was unfolding between you both. “it’s funny,” you said, your voice carrying a touch of warmth, “i really did think i would never found you, until you found me.”

he turned to look at you, his heart swelling with something he couldn’t put into words. it wasn’t just relief, or joy, or even love. it was everything — everything he’d ever felt for you, all of it compressed into this one moment where nothing else mattered. the world felt smaller now, less uncertain, and he was finally where he was always meant to be. here, with you.

“so…” he said, his voice cracking slightly, “we were never meant to meet in those dreams. but we did anyway.”

you nodded, and for a moment, everything felt like it clicked into place. “i think,” you whispered, “it takes more than just one life to bring two people together. maybe we had to be strangers in one world, so we could be something more in this one.”

sunghoon’s breath caught in his chest, the weight of that truth wrapping around him like a tender embrace. the connection between you both, no matter how inexplicable, was real. and it was here. in this moment. in this life.

he looked at you, his hand still holding yours, the gravity of the realization grounding him. “i don’t know how this happened,” he said, voice thick with emotion, “but i’m so glad it did.”

you smiled, the first genuine smile he’d seen from you in what felt like forever, and it was like the sun had finally risen on a new day for both of you. "me too, hoon," you whispered, "me too."

and somehow, the future that had once seemed so far away, so unreachable, felt closer now. the world, vast and endless, was no longer a place of uncertainty. not when you were standing next to him. together, in this life.

and there you two stood, before the swan lake, the calm waters mirroring the colors of the fading sky. the air was still, carrying only the soft rustle of leaves and the distant call of birds. time seemed to slow, as if everything around you was holding its breath.

the years of searching, the longing that had once felt endless, were now nothing more than memories fading into the twilight. there was only the present, this quiet space where everything had aligned perfectly. where the dream had finally given way to reality, and you were no longer two strangers bound by an impossible connection, but two people who had truly found each other.

the lake before you seemed to reflect that truth, its surface smooth and uninterrupted, save for the slow movement of swans gliding gracefully across, their feathers glowing in the last light of day. the scene was serene, timeless, as if nature itself was acknowledging the sacredness of the moment.

in this quiet, under the stretch of the open sky, you understood that everything had led you here. not through dreams, not through impossible hopes, but through something deeper — something real. the distance between you was no longer measured in miles or years or lost moments, but in the quiet certainty that you were here, together, in the now.

the world seemed to fall away, and in the space between heartbeats, you knew you had found something more than just each other. you had something more than just a dream.

EXTRA:

masterlist.

read something similar: angel food !

[cosmicjoke]

Hello, hello, I hope your day's going well. I was wondering: Levi has always had a very traumatic life, so he's never really been able to meet himself outside of who he is when he's trying to survive. Not that we've seen, at least, save for the lollipop scene. With the opportunity, what sorts of hobbies do you think Levi would like if he tried them? (Or specific board games, since he likes board games in This Life, After?)

Ah, this is a great ask! Very insightful, I think. I love the way you put that, that he's never had an opportunity to meet himself outside of who he is when he's trying to survive. I think that really conveys the tragedy of Levi's life up to the end of the series, that he's literally been in survival mode since he was born. Thank you first of all for reaching out!

Hmm, you know, that really is one of the more fun things to think about, I think, in terms of Levi's life post-canon, how he'd really, for the first time in his life, get to discover what things he might actually enjoy and have fun doing. As you said, Levi's life has been such a struggle, and so difficult and traumatic, that I don't think he ever had the chance to indulge in much of anything. The most Levi probably ever got to relax in canon was through drinking cups of tea. Everything else consumed by a sense of desperation, fear and uncertainty.

As I've said before, I think who Levi naturally is, is a very quiet and gentle person. He only became violent because his circumstances in life forced it on him. But outside of the context of that desperation, I imagine Levi to be a very quiet and withdrawn person who enjoys simple things. I think Levi is probably most content just being around people he loves. I think that's part of why we see him settling down at the end and staying in one place with Gabi, Falco and Onyankopon. I think Levi loves people and just wants to be with them, and he doesn't really need anything bigger or grander than that. I don't think Levi would have a particular inclination or need to see the world as long as he could be with other people. I think he would be happy and content just to have a roof over his head and clothes on his back and for the people in his life to have the same things. Just to have a general sense of security. I think that also means Levi would enjoy mundane, peaceful activities, like gardening, or maybe knitting, lol. As you pointed out, I have Levi playing a lot of board games in my story. I think he would enjoy building puzzles and reading books, etc... I also think Levi might enjoy cooking. Basically, I think Levi would enjoy family activities, too, having dinner with everyone, maybe listening to the radio, and so on. Anything he could do with other people. And of course anything he could do to help other people, like we see at the end of the anime, with him handing out candy to children, and on the cover for volume 35, helping to plant trees. I think Levi did and likely still does feel most fulfilled doing things for others, so whatever he's able to do in that regard, I think Levi would engage in that. Maybe he would also volunteer at a soup kitchen, or if he's able, help build housing for refugees, etc...

Anyway, that's all I can come up with for now! But hopefully it answered your question! Thanks again for asking!

[kittenfangirl20]

*Adam had duct tape on his mouth with a very cartoonish smile drawn on it, Adam had thought that if he was going to get married, it would be to Lucifer, not some bimbo who was the daughter who was the daughter of a mob boss, he even imagined himself in a bridal gown and veil while Lucifer wore a black groom’s tux*

Demon Priest: If there is anyone who objects to this union, speak now or forever hold your peace.

Lucifer: I object.

*Adam nearly cried in relief when he saw Lucifer above them in his demonic form*

Adam internally: Luci, you came to save me.

*Lucifer flew down as the guests and demon priest ran away from Lucifer who landed close to Adam, Lucifer picked up Adam and draped him over his shoulder before smacking Adam on his butt which gave Adam a boner and made him wet because he was so turned on by how possessive Lucifer was being about him*

Lucifer: This ass is mine.

*the demonic growl in Lucifer’s voice just made Adam even more turned on*

Adam internally: This better end with me getting fucked by Luci because I deserve that after what I was put through.

*Crimson and Moxxine ran away as a very beaten Chaz was thrown out of the manor with Lute and Emily running out, Adam was sure that Lute beat him because she was always one of his best fighters*

Lucifer: I am sure you can find a way to go home because I want to find the closest hotel and make passionate love to your boss, I really needed this after being in the hospital.

Lute and Emily: Yes sir.

*Lucifer flew off with a very pleased Adam who took him to the closest fancy hotel and after Lucifer checked into a room he threw Adam onto the bed and peeled off the duct tape so he could kiss Adam*

Lucifer: I missed kissing you while I was in the hospital and I missed our time together.

Adam: Me too.

*Lucifer untied Adam and they made out while frantically pulling off each other’s clothes, when they were naked Lucifer thrust into Adam, Adam clung to Lucifer with each deep and possessive thrust into Adam*

Adam: Harder Luci…. I need you to be harder…..

*Lucifer starts thrusts harder into Adam who was crying out with joy over how good it felt, this was what he always wanted, he wanted Lucifer and only Lucifer, he wished that he could marry Lucifer and have Lucifer make him the Queen of Hell, they finished at the same time not realizing that Lucifer forgot to put on a condom, Adam just curled up in Lucifer’s arms and fell asleep feeling very pleased*

@things-arent-what-they-seem66

Stoliz Au

Adam sipped on his coffee out of his "Hell's Greatest Boss" mug as he overlooked Pentagram City. His workers, Lute and Emily were at the conference table trying to figure out ways they could get to the human world.

Adams oldest son Cain sat there on his phone looking very interested in anything that had to do with work.

Here at Adams Angelic Assassination, they started out by protecting sinners. Either from other demons or from angels on extermination day.

Turns out people would pay a pretty penny to have someone on earth killed.

It has been a few years since Adam was cast out of heaven for questioning things. They took his halo and his powers before casting him down.

Lute and Emily didn't want him to be alone in Hell so they willingly fell. Adam reconnected with his son who was homeless at the time.

They all needed money so that's when Adam came up with the idea for his business.

Lute sighed: It's impossible! There is no way to the human releam without our angelic powers.

Emily: It's okay Lute, we'll figure something out.

Adam turned: She's right Lute! And I actually have a plan.

Lute: You do?

Adam: I do. I know of a book and where I can get it. It's our ticket up top.

Yes Adam knew where to get this book, but could he sneak in and out without being noticed.

Emily: How will you get it?

Adam smirked: Leave it to me and my stealth skills.

*Adam scouted out the royal palace, he knew the largest collection of demonic grimoires were housed in the Morningstar palace including one that could take him to Earth, thankfully Adam still had his angel wings so he fly over the gates surrounding the palace, there was a party going on, his eyes went to Lucifer who was off in a corner drinking while Lilith was talking with her friends, Adam’s heart filled with longing over seeing his first love, but Adam was here for a reason and it was to get a spell book, he hid his wings thankful for the all black outfit he took to wearing now that he could use to hide in the shadows, but before he could open the door to Lucifer’s room, he was tackled by a pair of hellhounds who dragged him to Lucifer*

Adam: Shit.

*Lucifer was chugging down a bottle of absinthe when he saw a pair of hellhound guards drag Adam in front of him, Adam had a sheepish smile on his face and he couldn’t help but realize how handsome Adam was, in fact he had a strong desire to pin Adam to the bed and have his way with him since he hadn’t shared a bed with Lilith since Charlie was born*

Hellhound 1: We saw this man trying to sneak into your room.

Hellhound 2: What should we do with him?

Lucifer: I will deal with him myself, don’t tell anyone what you saw.

*the hellhounds handed Adam over to Lucifer and the former angel reluctantly followed Lucifer up to his room, once they were alone Adam became nervous*

Adam: Look, I can explain-

*Adam’s words were cut off when Lucifer kissed him on the lips, Adam found himself returning the kiss enjoying the feeling*

Lucifer: I missed you so much Adam, in more ways than one.

*Adam felt himself getting wet with desire, one of the punishments was they took away Adam’s favorite thing, his dick, before throwing him out of Heaven and now he had a pussy instead much to his annoyance, but now he saw a way to use it to his advantage and it would give him something he had always wanted*

Adam: You realized what you missed out on and now you can have it.

Lucifer: Yes.

*they ended up on the bed, they kissed as they frantically pulled off their clothes down to their underwear, Lucifer rubbed the underwear covered erection against the wet area of Adam’s panties, they pulled off their underwear and Lucifer slid into Adam, Adam had to hold back a moan of pleasure by biting into Lucifer’s shoulder which made Lucifer even more turned on, Adam moved his hips along with Lucifer’s thrusts, after a long and passionate dance on the bed, Adam climaxed and Lucifer cum inside of Adam*

Lucifer: That was amazing, is there a way I could convince you to come around more often.

Adam: Maybe if you let me borrow a grimoire to help me with my new job.

Lucifer: Done, but you must come back to me at least once a month. How about full moon night?

*Lucifer had the grimoire appear in Adam’s hands*

Adam: Sounds perfect to me.

*they both fell asleep, Lucifer holding Adam and Adam holding the grimoire, in the morning Adam had to get dressed and sneak out, but before he could sprout his wings, he fell off the balcony and onto the table which had Lilith having breakfast with her friends.

Adam: Sorry, I fucked your husband….. actually I’m not sorry.

*Adam sprouted his wings and flew off*

@things-arent-what-they-seem66

[zeb-z]

Arthur Bennett was chemically made in a lab for me to go insane over I think. he’s got a guilt only an older sibling could have and a drive for vengeance that is half driven by his own self hatred. yet still he strives for peace. he’s desperate to cling to any humanity, any hope. he’s aware he’s fallible. it doesn’t save him

[yunmeng-jiang]

that man does NOT think of wei wuxian as his gege