#he's actually quite good imagine that

[jackinalex]

Your other followers can be negative all they want but can talk about the fact that Zack and Jepha (bass player in The Used) followed each other on Instagram and no one else from either band or the band accounts? Why is that so cute to me???????

Hahahaha this is a very Torri-coded ask. I didn't know that, but it's kind of precious. A little bassist club? That's adorable. Zacky is so proud of being a bassist and he loves it sm. And he should be proud because Alex was right when he said that Zack creates the most amazing riffs in pop punk. Some of y'all like to talk about how the band sucks, but Zack is an objectively amazing bassist.

[starry-bi-sky]

do yall ever think about bruce/batman!clone danny standing in front of his bathroom mirror after finding out he was a clone and silently tracing his face. The slope of his jaw and point of his chin. The high angle of his cheekbones and the shape of his eyes, the curve of his brow bones and the shape of his nose. The volume of his hair and the way it curls and gets fluffy when it gets too long.

His hair is black the same way a crow's wing is black. His dad's hair is black the same way a black bear's fur is black. His dad's eyes are blue like the ocean is blue. Danny's eyes are blue the same way a glacier is blue.

His dad has a square jaw and straight flat hair, and he tans and gets a face full of freckles when he's out in the sun for too long. Danny burns like a lobster and his face remains untouched. Danny has a sharp jaw and tall cheekbones, and Sam says when he's not smiling there's almost something regal about him. You would never call Jack Fenton "regal" when he's not smiling.

Sam says when he's not smiling he looks scary the same way a stone statue is. Jack Fenton when he's not smiling looks scary the same way that german shepherd staring at you across the street is.

Do you ever think he grew up wondering if he was adopted. Because of course, he has black hair and blue eyes like his dad. But having the same color doesn't make you someone's child.

Or, worse, things he's heard from the other kids and the other parents and even some of his teachers growing up; that he was the product of an affair. And that his dad was just too stupid to notice. And Danny would defend his parents until the day he died, because Jack Fenton wasn't an idiot and Maddie Fenton wasn't a cheater.

But doubt comes in with fickle tongue. his parents swear up and down that he is their child when he asks about either. That Danny just had his grandparents' features, but he was their son and they loved him.

But Danny doesn't look like either of his parents. His mom's eyes are blue like an aquamarine and Jazz's too. And they burn like lobsters in the sun too, but Jazz gets freckles on her face and so does Maddie. And as Danny grows up he doesn't bulk up or get stocky like his dad did, and when he hits puberty he doesn't shoot up like a tree like Jack Fenton did.

He stays small, and they say he's a late bloomer (and he is), or that he just has his mom's height. But he's fast and has good stamina, and some days it feels like he's built entirely different from his family. That the things they went through growing up just didn't apply to him. Jack and Maddie Fenton both had acne and breakouts when they hit puberty, and Jazz inherits it and he's seen the amount of skincare products she keeps on her side of the bathroom.

And then he hits puberty and breaks out maybe once or twice, but his skin stays clear for the most part and the problems and changes his dad went through just don't happen to him.

And the truth is worse than all of the lies.

How horrifying.

[wasyago]

i imagine it's quite chilly in the black sea (for the lack of sun and color), so they're wearing slightly warmer clothes now uwu

+ thoughts

[pixlatedvampire]

💗

insert "these boots are made for walking" joke

[turtleblogatlast]

The fact that Leo can go literally anywhere on earth to be alone with his thoughts at a single moment’s notice is something that shakes around in my head all the time. Like, portals and teleportation are amazing and convenient abilities both in and out of battle, but they could also so easily be used to run away as well.

I don’t think Leo ever would, at least not most of the time. He loves his family too much, and is too dependent on their love and attention to cut himself off so suddenly like that, but it’s a very real possibility nonetheless.

It’s a good thing Leo’s overall temper is more on the mild side and he prefers going to his room or something to complete solitude, because it really is dangerous for a kid to have the ability to isolate themselves like that at their fingertips.

[giddlygoat]

hater has disturbing reoccurring dreams about wander crawling inside his ribcage that always have him waking up in a cold sweat [they just feel too real and hater can’t place why]. wander has reoccurring dreams of hater ceremoniously destroying him with the Disaster Blaster and it’s the one dream he doesn’t eagerly blab to sylvia about because he doesn’t know how to tell her that it never feels like a nightmare. soooo is anyone else sick in the head or is it just me

[batsplat]

as our resident Casey expert i wonder what do you think would have happened if marc and casey competed against each other? since casey retiring is so important for marc coming into motogp im always thinking abt the what ifs...

my initial instinct with this hypothetical is always 'that sounds horrible', though I do have more thoughts and opinions about it than that! marc obviously would have loved the chance to race casey, and casey has even been one of his picks of 'guys he would've liked to be teammates with' before, so, you know, clearly something there - and he does very much respect casey as a rider. I think it's quite likely that by the time marc entered the premier class, casey had already developed... I don't know if wariness is going too far, but maybe a little bit of unease or caution where marc was concerned. marc already very much had a reputation based on his 125/moto2 track record, and some of these incidents were controversial enough that the motogp riders commented on them. so take the phillip island 2011 incident where marc rode into the back of another rider:

the valentino quote serves as a bit of a benchmark here, given he was generally pretty pro-marc. yes, casey's phrasing is perhaps a little harsher, but unsurprisingly none of the riders were big fans of marc's behaviour in that particular incident

on the other hand, it's not like casey never sided with marc. take catalunya 2012, where marc was slapped with a controversial post-race penalty:

yes, casey's main complaint was about inconsistent stewarding - but still, he believed marc had been unfairly treated here. feels like these incidents were some of the only things casey and valentino actually agreed on in those years, so that's nice

that being said, it's hard to see how casey wouldn't have his issues with marc and marc's whole approach to racing. I did include some thoughts on the teammate question here, but mainly I'm going to pilfer the relevant autobiography passage:

"if a rider doesn't care about his own safety then it stands to reason he doesn't care about anybody else's either"... there's nobody really who embodies the 'doesn't care about his own safety' maxim better than marc. he was the young rider desperate to win, and I can't imagine casey would have enjoyed actually racing him much. casey mostly didn't enjoy racing valentino, after all, who is a generally a lot more selective with his aggression than marc is (though casey did have to experience some of the worst valentino had to offer in that regard). casey talked in his autobiography about getting a sense when he just wasn't really able to trust another rider on the track, how much it bothered him - and that exact lack of respect is something that's been pretty closely associated with marc. that doesn't mean he would immediately declare marc his enemy... he'd just want marc to change, to learn, to grow up, to start treating his competitors with a little more respect. the way casey talks about young riders, there is a sense in which he has more time for them than he does for valentino - whose lack of respect casey views as more integral to who he is as a rider. valentino isn't a bully on track due to the exuberance of youth, he's a bully on track when he thinks he can use it as a tactic of intimidation. then again, marc by this measure is worse... and I think very quickly casey would have grown pretty disenchanted with how marc approaches all his wheel-to-wheel racing, especially when it becomes more and more clear marc does not feel particularly inclined to change

it's always important to remember how recent the trauma of losing simoncelli was for the whole sport, and it coloured both dani and jorge's wariness of marc... but also (in my opinion anyway) their restraint in how they dealt with him. how they tried to stop themselves from actually making an enemy out of him, in part because they'd just had an experience of harshly criticising a rider for a whole year and then having to process his death. both dani and jorge actually had more public and more serious disagreements with simoncelli than casey did, but I reckon there would have been an element of that restraint with casey too... on the other hand, his experiences with marc would have left him feeling even more alienated from the sport than he already was - at times frustrated (like jorge was) less with marc directly but more with the regulatory bodies for not holding marc back, for not giving him a race ban or whatever to teach him a lesson. that being said, marc's shamelessness vs casey's stubbornness means that if they had direct on-track encounters and casey didn't like marc's post-race response... well, I certainly think that'd end up being a pretty tense situation, even if it falls short of active hostilities

worth including irl!casey's take on marc in 2013:

which, you know. it's not just that marc's a hard racer - casey is accusing marc of deliberately wanting to make the defeats extra painful for his opponents, of wanting to not just beat but humiliate them. anyone else that reminds you of? someone who is as motivated in securing his psychological victories as his actual ones? perhaps someone who has a bit of a history himself with casey?

let's bring in valentino. it's not that casey would really have begrudged marc his friendship with valentino, and he generally kept his hatred of valentino quite 'clean' in that he wasn't conducting any proxy wars or anything (for instance, I don't get the sense the vale/sic friendship ever affected his view of simoncelli... though I have very little to go on here either way). also, if nothing else in this timeline changes, we're assuming valentino in 2013 is fairly clearly the... fifth? best rider? kinda depends where dani would have landed I suppose (casey's retirement announcement did save honda from a bit of a headache)... but anyway what this means is that valentino probably wouldn't initially have been much of a competitive threat to casey. mostly he would have been consigned to the sidelines

that being said, I doubt casey would have massively enjoyed the whole laguna seca saga. unfortunately, we don't even really know what real life casey's stance on the copycat move situation was... though if I had to guess, in this timeline I'd say his position would've been, a) marc could and should have carried out that overtake two corners later, there was no need in that race situation to take that risk, b) still, it was valentino's slight error as he attempted to reclaim the position (in what was a pretty aggressive manner, it has to be said) that led to them both ending up off-track and fuck that guy, and c) the problem with 2008 wasn't just or even primarily the corkscrew overtake and it's annoying that that's the only bit everyone talks about. of course, there's also the question of whether casey would have bought marc's explanation that it was totally by coincidence that the overtake happened there... and again, complete guesswork, but my sense of casey is that he would have assumed marc was being at least a little bit dishonest. (which, you know... laguna's not an easy track to overtake at, but marc did prove with the bradl move that he was perfectly capable of overtaking after turn 8 - might not have been planning on the off-track excursion, but he was still attempting to overtake just ahead of a blind crest that happened to feed into the corkscrew lol.) I think casey by his honda days had calmed down a bit (though he still certainly had some conspiratorial tendencies), but I also don't think it's a stretch to imagine that he would've felt like he was a victim of a joke between the pair of them... not ideal

overall though, I reckon casey's main frustrations would have been less with the move itself and more with how it was discussed. in the presser, while joking with marc, valentino does take the opportunity to get in a jibe at casey for old time's sake. there's this clip, where he directly addresses livio suppo (at ducati in 2008, by then at honda) - specifically about how both casey and suppo criticised him for that overtake. in response, suppo says something about how he's grateful to marc because they finally got payback. valentino is later asked directly about casey's complaints in 2008 in this clip, and replies with the following:

would valentino have said this stuff with casey still in the paddock? well, yes! honestly, given valentino did very quickly lay off needling casey once he had retired, there's a good chance he would have said something worse. and marc would have laughed along at the whole thing. I don't know, I just don't see casey taking particularly kindly to that... he can hold a grudge, that man can, and at a certain point he'd probably be increasingly less willing to give marc the benefit of the doubt. interesting situation though, laguna seca '13 + casey is a very juicy scenario that could play out in several different ways

but I'm guilty of burying the lede here - there's a far more obvious reason than anything I've described above for why the casey/marc relationship would have turned sour. it's the simple fact that they would have been teammates which would do the damage all on its lonesome; they have radically different conceptualisations of how that dynamic is supposed to work and would inevitably have clashed as a result. the one commonality they do have is they don't see their teammates as potential friends, which is... also not helpful! I think they'd probably initially be fine on the interpersonal level - and, actually, given how the casey/valentino relationship played out and marc's general approach to his rivalries, I can see marc/casey more or less being able to maintain a minimum standard of politeness towards each other even at their worst. like, I still think they'd be able to smile at each other and do some small talk when face-to-face, but I also think everything else would be a complete disaster. I talked a bit about how marc approaches his teammate relationships in this post - and I'm not going to rehash too much of what irl!marc got up to, but I'll include some bits relevant to casey

from marc:

related to casey:

and dani comparing the two:

we do obviously even have actual real life controversy wherein casey thinks marc felt threatened by him and forced him out of honda... and this in a timeline where they weren't even direct competitors! if this is the level of tension a test rider role can generate, then if they'd actually been teammates...? yeah, no. casey thinks that teammates should cooperate - and he thinks that riders enforcing divisions within the box are essentially doing so because they are "afraid". marc has openly admitted to lying about what parts he likes to make sure his teammate doesn't get any edge over him. this is the thing, right: marc might think casey is a cool rider, would've liked the chance to race him and even be teammates with him... but this is the stuff he did to dani, who was one of his literal idols! this is his understanding of competition - (like valentino) he might love the fight, but simultaneously he'll do pretty much whatever it takes to win, because he considers this stuff fundamentally part of the game. casey does not. to casey, this kind of victory is dishonest. any kind of gamesmanship is a sign of weakness... the victory is worth less if you're accomplishing it like that

now, hey, maybe marc would never have been able to go as far as he did with dani because he wouldn't have the kind of performance edge that allows you to definitively impose your will within the team. I think it's a popular interpretation that marc wouldn't have won the title in 2013 if casey had been there, which... I mean, I think it's true that it would have been less likely - in that in a season with that much volatility, the more plausible championship contenders you have the less likely it is that any single one of them takes the title (same goes for instance if you add in a valentino who had not gone to ducati for two years and would have presumably been more competitive in 2013). but it's not like casey would have been the defending champion and the clear class of the field... partly due to injury, he ended up finishing in third in 2012. jorge and dani didn't win the 2013 title in part as a result of their own injuries, and who knows how casey would have fared... like sometimes it's just luck of the draw really. you can be the better rider and still not win the title, shit happens. I think for as long as a more or less healthy-ish casey stays in the sport, it would have been unlikely that marc establishes quite the same performance edge as he did over dani... but, well, if anything that would have meant he would have fought even harder out of perceived necessity to win the internal honda wars

it's the kind of thing that can make a relationship quickly deteriorate, especially with a prickly character such as casey, and it's entirely plausible that dynamic would have become strained at best and horrendously toxic at worst... sooner rather than later. and the thing is, this environment would affect marc considerably less than it would casey. again, it's the fact that he relishes the fight... he's very good at shrugging off (most) criticism and thrives in that kind of tension. the emotional fatigue that this scenario generates would be painfully lopsided, where casey offers harsh criticisms and means them and is endlessly frustrated with marc's approach, while marc... doesn't really care. at least dani also had a questionable manager who was conducting behind the scenes warfare on his behalf - casey doesn't want to play these games at all. he just wants to ride a bike, and marc is never going to allow him to live in peace as long as he's an internal threat. if casey were exposed directly to all of that from marc, I doubt he'd walk away from the experience with a particularly positive impression of him

does he walk away? I think there's a decent chance that casey would have ended up so disillusioned with the whole thing that this would have been what pushed him into retirement. if he wants to get out of that mess, let's say after two years, his options would have been pretty limited. yamaha is closed off and I'd struggle to think of a scenario in which either jorge or valentino would have been particularly interested in a direct swap (also, if you're sick of being marc's teammate, you're probably not gonna be jumping at the chance to be valentino's instead). I suppose you could go back to ducati (which he did return to as a test rider so it's not like those bridges were permanently burnt), and maybe casey could do something special even with *gestures* that version of the bike. really though... I think enough would have been enough for him. regardless of the actual balance of success between the pair of them, my guess is marc wins that war because he's happier to get nasty and because he wants it more. casey has his two to four titles... he's done. let him go fishing

[jils-things]

you are pretty, dearest!

[aeolianblues]

was kinda thinking about this when I saw Renee Rapp live recently-- I didn't know her visual vibe, I'd heard a few songs here and there but I hadn't really *seen* her, and her attire at Osheaga was really casual, a jersey (baseball/basketball?) and slacks. And that was so amazing! I couldn't help thinking, the work Billie Eilish has done for how women in pop music are allowed to dress is incredible. Seeing her up there all comfortable you just know that Billie walked in her oversized tops so that Renee in her slacks could run; Billie walked through all the critcisms about how she dressed slobbily and having to assert that she didn't owe anyone a display of skin, so that Renee could be comfortable and unquestioned running up and down the catwalk in front of 10,000 people. How iconic.

And I don't think we even realised at the time how much something as simple as letting Billie dress the way she as a (then-) 17-year-old teenager dressed, could end up meaning for a future generation of women in music.

Obviously there is still way to go, there were weirdos complaining about how 'plain' Dua Lipa's Glastonbury outfit was this year (in 2024!!), l have to ask, are you at Paris Fashion Week?? She is the musical HEADLINER of an entire day of music at one of the biggest music festivals in the world, and you can't grant her the space to exist as an artist, you have to moan about her dress not being excitingly revealing enough. There's work to do, it's still dismal out there. But the space Billie Eilish has created for a most ordinarily-dressed woman popstar is still heartening.

[lock-my-feelings-in-a-jar]

Russ Ballard producing Daltrey's album

1975 Interview

Russ Ballard has something special. Call it professionalism, the sure touch, luck, talent, a mixture of the lot if you like, but everything he's involved in seems to turn out pretty good, even when it's something completely new to him, like record producing.

When he was fourteen, he wrote his first song and sold it to The Shadows after having had the sense to demo it after their style. Having mastered the guitar and scored quite a bit of acclaim for his playing, he turned to keyboards and now nobody hearing him play would think he hadn't been brought up on them. Argent reached the height of their success when he was with them, he gave Colin Blunstone a monster hit with I Don't Believe In Miracles and now Ride A Rock Horse is enjoying considerable favour. Its producer? Russ Ballard! The man, wearing his customary shades, exudes an air of quiet confidence. He can afford to. He's well respected as a musician and as a writer and he's now in a position many people could envy. After all, a singer of Daltrey's calibre doesn't call up just anybody and say "How about producing my album?"! What is really surprising is that Roger should ignore all the established record producers in favour of Russ, who has only ever produced one album before in his life and that was the solo one he made after leaving Argent.

How did his new role come about? "Well, I worked with Daltrey on his first album, played a little drums and piano on it, but I didn't produce that one, just put in some ideas. He must have liked them because when he was planning his second, he just asked me if I wanted to do it." Russ explained. In an issue of Beat dated April 1966, Daltrey himself described his voice in pretty disparaging terms. "I don't have a good voice, no-one needs to tell me that. I'm a screamer with a group and I'm happy. I'm not worried about my voice, though, it is developing and I can notice the change." He also added "I'd get a real kick if I could have a proper girl vocal group backing." It's taken nine years, but now he's achieved what he hoped for, a voice which no-one can deny is pretty exceptional, and backing singers led by Marsha Hunt, care of Russ Ballard! "I was involved with everything." said Russ. "Going through songs with him, deciding what musicians should be used, who would be good for this and who for that." For a reluctant producer, who admits that "I'm not really into production, even though it's a creative thing, I'd rather be an artist." Russ had some pretty definite ideas as to his treatment of the album. "I deliberately kept his voice well up because in so many recordings I've heard of Roger, he's been immersed in sound. He's got such a powerful and such a good voice which contains many aspects that people haven't heard before. What I set out to do on the album was to expose all those voices for the first time. I don't think it is a good thing for a producer to put his own standpoint on an album, the most important thing is to project the artist." Russ thinks that Daltrey's film work has given a lot more confidence and he also found getting to know him has radically changed the concept he had of The Who. "Many people would imagine Daltrey as an ego tripper, but he's not in the slightest. Before I got to know him well, I was under the impression that The Who were Pete Townshend's baby. But speaking to Roger, listening to his ideas, I think that a hell of a lot of his ideas must have always gone into The Who, a lot more than people think."

It was originally Roger's idea to record an album of his early influences. Then he changed rock horses in mid-stream. "By then we'd already recorded Walking The Dog and that Beachboys sounding song, so we were lumbered with them." The second idea was to project the different sides of Daltrey's voice in a collection of mixed rockers and ballads, including three songs of Russ's, Come And Get Your Love, Proud and Near To Surrender. "We didn't actually discuss the point but I felt he wanted to make a heavier album than the one we'd originally planned. Yet not totally heavy, but a record which would compliment the heavier stuff with lighter stuff. Right from the very first session when he sang the first song I could see his voice was so much better, I feel it's improved tremendously since the early Who days even though I think he had a good voice in 1964."

The next thing to decide on was the overall sound and the arrangements. Ex-Shadows drummer Tony Meehan was the man who worked on these. "I decided to make the sound quite sparse,-" explained Russ, "- rather than over-producing it. Some people just don't know where to stop. I decided that if a song called for piano and nothing else, that's what I was going to do." (Hence Phillip Goodhand Tait's beautiful slow rocker Oceans Away with the composer on piano.) "The most important thing in an arrangement is the song. If it's a good one you should be able to sing it with no backing at all and it should still sound great. If it's not, no matter how many extras you add it won't work." Russ reckons that having been in bands himself definitely helped him as a producer, enabling him to put himself in the artist's shoes. Yet he doesn't think he'd like to produce his own next album entirely alone. "When I was in Argent I found being produced by somebody else was very frustrating because I could tell people were veering away from the original ideas I'd had for my songs. That's why I decided to produce my first solo album, which turned out a bit of a mixture because I had a backlog of work to get out of my system. My next album will be slightly deeper, not so light-hearted. I hope to be co-producing it with Muff Winwood, whom I really admire because he's got such a good ear and can really make a musical point."

At the moment, Russ is doing very well with songs of his which are being covered by other artists. One called Heartbreak, has recently been recorded by Olivia Newton-John and yet another is currently being recorded in L.A. by Stevie Wonder's band. Russ has got a new band together consisting of the ex-drummer from Curly, Alan Wickett, bass player Tony Lester and guitarist Alan Skates- "He really does!" joked Russ. He's got three weeks booked in E.M.I. Studios to get the album done. As for his producing career, it looks like Ride A Rock Horse may be his swansong. What if Roger asks him to produce his third album? "Well… if I want to do what I want to do, that is, sing, play, write and record, I just won't have time to produce anybody." said Russ. There's nothing like getting out when you're on top!

[painted-bees]

every time I read about Raf's distorted perception of people I feel so sad for him and for anyone like him. I thought at least maybe there'd be medications for paranoid disorder but no??? There isn't? People actually just live feeling like everyone wants to harm them. That's such an upsetting way to live.

It's a personality disorder that's really difficult to treat effectively because it's kind of a disorder of "personal outlook" that develops as a defense against the kinds of environments that the person was raised in (alongside genetic factors)--and uses real lived experiences (not delusions) as its scaffolding. You can treat the accompanying anxiety or mood issues with medications, but not the prevailing suspicious outlook itself. Even just getting someone to believe that they have a [paranoid] personality disorder (and that you're not lying/gaslighting/manipulating them) is often a fruitless and mishandled effort. Therapy is commonly not afforded the amount of time/commitment/seriousness that it requires to be effective--and it's really...the only viable way to treat this one.

Consistently defensive behaviors preceeded by the worst-faith reading of anything you do or say is pretty hallmark for paranoid personality disorder, exactly because folks plagued by this disorder live with the understanding that people will always try to devalue, undermine, exploit, or harm them for personal gain in any situation where they feel they can get away with it.

Being constantly on guard and emotionally armed to defend yourself...isolating, exhausting, harmful to everyone involved.

Patience and understanding when met with these behaviours are two things worth exercising if you can afford them.

[fisheito]

@milkeumilkeou replied to your post “i feel like the gay child of an extremely...”:

This isn't exactly macro/micro but I always think about Yakumo having a little Eiden plushie and always having the strong urge to shove it into his mouth and one day he actually does it only to spit it out, horrified at himself and apologizes to the little Eiden plush while he washes his snaliva off of it

​snaliva.....

come to think of it, if eiden gave lil eiden plushies to each of his yokai buddies ... would ANY of those plushes stay dry?

in eiden's lil sanctuary with a fox, snake, wolf all the lil eidens are in various states of wet/torn/chewed eiden's daily tasks involve locating the plushies (and any dismembered parts of them) . wherever they may be. and mending/replacing them. every time he picks out a sopping muddy lil eito out of a pile of his used underwear he just wonders "why are you all like this"

[menlove]

gonna be real here idc all that much about the paul john and ringo casting as funny as we're all being about paul mescal paul but i AM vibrating out of my skin about george like i was literally just talking about how good charlie rowe would be. look at him.

[bronanlynch]

this is mobile suit gundam ms igloo to me, this is what I hear every time oliver may does his sad little monologues at the end of each episode

[amelikos]

Thinking about the portrayal of ancestry in Horizons.

[fatuismooches]

whats up pookie bear

I KNOW KNOWWWW I JUST SENT IN LIKE. SO MUCH FUCKING ASKS and im guilty im sorry feel free to ignore for a while them if you're getting annoyed 👍. but anways it's time for me to be annoying for the last time because i will hide away in shame 😭😭😭😭

i dont think people talk enough how dottore being in love, or his thoughs when he's in love or whatever.

LIKE YEAH, they've talked about it. but i wanna really just. IDK... more like, how i view it LMAOOO 💀💀

i just like to think that, there's just instances where he's so fucking in love with you, and that oh, he really needs you in his life and if you leave him it'd be like a shot through the heart. like he'd never be whole again, you know?

HEAR ME OUT,,😭😭

deep in his heart, he hopes you're not afraid of him, you know? that you're not like the rest of them—whispering behind his back, giving him fearful looks when he hasn't done anything. he's do grateful that you see him as a friend, not some fucking freak like everyone makes him to be. but monsters get treated like one, so when his village started grabbing pitchforks n torches, telling him to leave and go away,,, his eyes immediately looked for you amongst the crowd,,,, to see if you were one of them,, afraid of something they didn't understand,, something they didn't care to understand,,, n it was probably the first time he has ever truly felt fear, his heart pounding as he tries to dodge the fire being thrown at him, heat licking his skin,,, but then he sees you, looking around frantically with a bag on your shoulder,, and when you see him, you grabbed his hand and ran away together,, running and running as far as you could,,,

n honestly, all zandik could think about is how your hand fits so perfectly in his... intertwined,, feeling the texture of your hand as you ran together into the unknown...

thinking about how domestic you two were back at the akademiya n how living alone with you was so much better. he felt soo light on his feet when you're around, like youre constantly bringing him up to the clouds... he's so used to people giving him dirty looks, but you?? oh gods you just look at him so kindly, like he hasn't done things that the akademiya deems immoral and forbidden. as if he hasn't shown you his ideas that would be vile and inhumane to others,, u smile, n you laugh, and suddenly he finds himself thinking about how much you brighten your shared dorm room when you smile,, and how much he has grown to adore it,, he wanna hold your face to feel how your muscles flex and contracts whenever you smile and talk to him. he wants to count your teeth and feel them on his fingertips,, and it may be odd to others, but oh this.. this just means he's super into you. like he wants to study the entirety of your being,,. n its all because he's so curious and interested,, he wanna know more about you,,,he'd have xrays of you, memorizing your bone structure and how they all look individually n thinks its romantic when he digs his fingers onto your skin n tell you what bone he's feeling.

he compares it to when you cook for him 😭💗 like how you know all his favorites, and how he wants his food to be cooked, what temperature, texture and flavor,, like baby no, its not. but hey, its zandik and he's really trying hard to be romantic in his own way.

he thinks you're so pretty when you speak up for yourself, unlike him, who'd rather stay silent because he needed to keep a low profile after his offenses to the akademiya. you're not scared of getting your hands dirty, especially for zandik. you didn't fight a senior without a good reason (they were calling zandik a freak). and he loves how the dark crimson of the senior's blood smeared all over your reddening, and bruising knuckles looked. n as much as he loves seeing you smile, he loves the way your brows furrow in anger, eyes sharp as you punch your senior in his face,, and he feels goosebumps forming on his forearms when you grab on his collar and yell profanities at hi,,, n then when you look at zandik to check if he's okay, he's zoned out, but he's staring at you with flushed cheeks and heart in his eyes,, n he thinks ur sooo cute when you get flustered because of it, laughing sheepishly and rubbing the back of your neck. u get suspended for a few days n zandik was absent until you were able to go back to classes.

or when you go for expeditions w/o him cuz youre in diff darshans,, it feels so empty w/o you, and he can't imagine a life w/o you at that point. he gets so unmotivated and he's suddenly he's counting the ways, hours, minutes, and seconds until you're back>.. n when you extend for a week longer??? oh he's wallowing in pain and misery cuz ur not there to yell at him for not having a proper sleep schedule, or to remind him to eat at least twice or once a day, or to tell him that he's your pretty bf and that you love him, or there to hold him, or listen to him rant about his research...,, w/o you his life feels like a constant itch he can't scratch for some reason and he HATTTESS how being in love with you makes him feel so stupid like. w/o you, no distractions,!! he can do his research without you nagging but,, he misses it sooo soo much!!,, (he never tells you he misses you, but it's so obvious by the way he clings onto you so tightly when you finally cuddle after weeks of separation or how he refuses for you to leave his side for more than a minute, or if you have another expedition to do ,,, he'd literally fight the people telling you to join or his professors lMAOOO

it feels nice to just, look onwards and know that you'll be right behind him,, because you'd always have his back,, and after years and years of being with him and teaching him how to love,, he's proud to say that he'd do the same with you!

literally has piles and piles of research papers thats either all about you (your vitals, his notes of his observations (which is literally just talking about you like a love sick girl would in her diary about her crush), and probably other notes to keep an eye on your health), or himself (why he feels this way, what is the effects, etc etc). and he can never get a clear answer really,, all he does is observe, and think,, because fuck, no matter how hard he tries, loving you has to be one of the things he will never figure out,, you he doesn't have to, you know? you always tell him that, but he's a scholar, he has to! so the files pile up higher and higher... he's so endearing like that idk about you 😭😭😭

so happy you're with him in the fatui. i dont think he could handle his descent to madness w/o you in his life 😭💗

okay so i just ended up rambling 😡nvm LMAOO 😭😭💔 anyways uhh my head started hurtnng so thats alll HAVE A GOOD DAY SMOOCHES,, finally fluff for you

Kai thought he could drop this absolute masterpiece and we wouldn't notice 💀 LITERALLY SHUSHH OH YM GOSH THIS IS SOOOO GOOD I WAS SMILING SO HARD LIKE AN IDIOT HRAHHHH DDBJWDND COME BACK RN YOU'RE NOT ANNOYING. Because omfg,,, you're literally being so real right now, we need to talk about how much Dottore is in love with you, sure he can frequently be a rude ass sometimes but don't let that fool you into thinking he's not down bad for you... i just know that he's literally completely and utterly obsessed with every part of you. IBDWUIDWUD FUCK YOU WORDED WHAT I THINK SO PERFECTLY. There's a reason why he's so possessive over you. Why even when you two get into arguments, even if they take long af to resolve because he's also hella stubborn, they're going to get fixed eventually. Among other things. It's because he really does need you there by his side and if he didn't have you he doesn't know what the hell he would do. (Or his segments. No work would be done.) HEARING YOU OUT LOUD AND CLEAR POOKIE.

Oh gosh yes, it hurts my heart to think child Zandik would have to think such depressing thoughts but mhm. He definitely does. He's only a child. He can't help but worry. Sure you're his friend, sure he repeats all the times you were nice and kind to him in his head, but sometimes it does little to reassure him of your intentions. Maybe you're just as scared of him like everyone else and this is just some elaborate game you're playing with him. Though Zandik knows it's not true, he knows you're sincere, but every now and then the idea pops up in the back of his mind and it takes ages to get it out again. But on that day when everything changed, when nothing would be the same ever again all those thoughts immediately bubbled back up to the surface and Zandik wondered if this would be the end of the two of you. If this would be the time when you finally showed your true colors. And despite the world being against him he found that you were still with him, without an ounce of hesitation present in you. Despite everything, he felt relief.

Oh my gosh i love writing and reading the crazy unethical completely undomestic doctor man as being domestic with you. As time goes on and further away from that event, he would feel significantly more relaxed. You two would fall into a sort of routine, attending classes and doing group projects, whining about professors and ending the day off with you falling asleep to Zandik's tinkering in the background, and of course the research expeditions you two do together. I also believe the word "home" doesn't have any meaning to him nor does he care for it for obvious reasons, he doesn't consider anywhere his "home" nor does he have an emotional connection to it, but... with you, he feels the most comfortable, which is something. But that's what home is anyway, isn't it? And though he'll never say or perhaps even realize it, you'll always be the first to accept that Zandik is your home, the two outcasts who were thrown out together who have nothing but each other.

REALLLL i love how we all just agree that a part of his love language is just like, inspecting and examining you. Zandik wants to know every inch of your body better than you know it yourself. Yea it's a bit strange when he brings up a beauty mark on your body that you didn't even know you had yourself or when he shows you pictures of your bones to show how healthy and strong you are or analyzes a strand of hair he probably plucked from you while you were sleeping but how else is he supposed to show his love!! He doesn't understand why you look so 😧 in the beginning! He adores you so much that he's going out of his way to give you the utmost most in-depth examination and memorize all of it easily! He doesn't even know this much about his own body. HELP Dottore making horrible analogies is so him... but it's okay because soon enough when you see how serious he's being about it you start to find it pretty cute and endearing... we love a bf who tries his best.

I can't im literally exploding from all of these points... they're canon fr he would so love when you don't take shit from anyone, I mean why would you anyway? You're so obviously better than them so you shouldn't take poor treatment from anyone (he wouldn't allow it either, even though he does keep a low profile he will find a way to get back at anyone who dares to hurt or talk badly about you.) And omg yes,, there is no doubt in my mind he would find it so hot when you injure others. He loves the way the look in your eye changes to as if you're looking at nothing else besides a piece of trash. Your figure looks so hypnotizing when you're standing over your victim,,, when you casually leave and apologize for wasting time like it's a normal regular day,, that sweet smile back on your face,, and I guess you actually helped him out a bit because people talk less about him now solely because of the chance they might get beat by you.

UGH YES Zandik would definitely think he'd be fine without you, he doesn't need you that much, he's perfectly capable of taking care of himself! In fact, he could probably get some more work done without you bothering him every five seconds. Well, he's dead wrong. Everything just seems to annoy Zandik without you. You cooked some food to keep him fed for a few days but once it's done it really sets in that now he has to make his own food which tastes like shit compared to yours. He's put into a group project but you're not his partner because you're out on the expedition. He's already accidentally broken a few mechanical parts because the room is far too quiet without your voice. He's getting less sleep because you're not there to force him under the cover. He's less productive and he has no one to rant or go off on tangents to so now he's bottling too much things inside. Everything is just so bad and suddenly he's calculating the various amounts of time until you come back which is making Zandik tear his hair out. How dare you do this to him. This is disgusting behavior. In no way should he be so needy for you! He's honestly pissed at both himself and you. He wonders if you feel the same way he does right now or if he's really just a complete idiot. Oh but of course, he refuses to let go for once when you get back, he is not doing that shit ever again nor are you.

And as much as he hates it, the scientist part of him just finds it interesting how much smoothly things run when you're around again. You and your influences need to be studied further. And oh does he study. The filled-to-the-brim notebooks and papers say it all. You think he's reciting the universe's history with how much he writes. You tell him that he doesn't need to understand, some things in life are things you just know, but no. Zandik simply can't accept such an ideology. He must know exactly every single detail. If he can find the answer to godhood he can find the answer for love. You don't think that day will ever come, but you have fun watching your lover pore so many hours into this task.

Overall, he is really your sweet bf (and soon husband tbh) ily for this Kai. <333