#he’s so mad and upset and frustrated and heartbroken

[grunklefordpines]

Are you alright, Stanford? I was told all about what happened. Bill is no longer possessing me, thankfully. Are you okay, are you hurt?

@stanfordssiren

I am fine.

—Are you okay?

I’ve been told that you’ve reverted back to your—flesh diet—What made you change so suddenly? And so soon?

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

Morning!

Is it cool to ask how the boi’s with animals would respond to having a S/O who is (kinda scarily) good with animals like you could swear this “tiny” human is using magic ?

E.g. cows in fields just mooing as they follow after S/O or horses acting like huge puppies?

(imagine doomfanger greeting S/O first once before Pap! Or being unable to see mafiafell sans’ S/O at first due to being under a very loving dogpile )

Just thought I’d share this idea! 🌼

Undertale Sans - He's a bit surprised since his parrot is very territorial, but he assumed he just likes you for some reason? He's pretty sure he read it could happen sometimes, meaning they're feeling well in their environment or something. It's good for him.

Undertale Papyrus - His dog loves everyone so he's not too surprised Sure, it gets annoying when his dog pushes him off the couch to cuddle with you, but he can manage a little frustration.

Underswap Papyrus - You did that trend where you two run in different directions to see who your dogs are following. He's not heartbroken or anything seeing his three dogs run to you. He's just going to lie there. Alone. Looking like a kicked desperate puppy.

Underfell Papyrus - He gasps, offended, as Doomfanger chooses your lap to sleep on in front of the TV. He snatches the cat from your knees, but Doomfanger claws him and returns to your lap. Edge is so upset now and thinks his cat hates him because he did something wrong. He's going to sleep. You find him pouting in his bed under three blankets, so sad lol.

Horrortale Sans - You two are Disney princesses. All the animals are following you around the farm. Oak is so used to him it didn't hit him you have the same power on animals he has. Just a normal day at the farm.

Horrortale Papyrus - He was about to scold his brother as he saw all the animals are following him... But there's only you??? He gasps. No way you're having the same curse his brother has! Please, he just want a normal day at work. Is it too hard to ask?

Swapfell Papyrus - He's mad because you blew up his hiding spot for the wild raccoons he's hiding in his room. Now not only Nox wants them out, but he's dragging you on a leash in the whole house to see if there are other hidden pets around. Rus promises you he will get his revenge.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - So. You were on a car trip and some cows escaped to see you. The problem is that Coffee now insists they are your cows and that you should bring them home, and he's very determined to push one in the car. You're not sure how to stop him. The poor cow is already half inside and he looks so happy... Guess you have a cow now.

Dancefell Sans - He's crying and screaming for help, as a bear interrupted your camping trip and decided to sleep on him to get closer to you. Why does it always happen to him? He hates animals! Please do something, he's going to die!

Farmtale Sans - He's quite in awe. No one could ever get close to his rescue horse because he's so scared of humans since he got abused. You tamed it in ten seconds. Uh. Maybe he could use your little power to help his rescues around. They could need that.

Farmtale Papyrus - He's so jealous he refuses to sit next to you. He wanted to show you the farm dogs, they all jump on you to sleep in a pile. When he tried to join, the dogs growled at him. Now he feels excluded and sad and mad and he's not going to talk to you for the rest of the day.

Mafiafell Sans - He's glad his dogs like you since they usually don't like strangers, but, uh... Maybe don't sleep with all of them in bed? He can't even find a place to lay down. Also, all the dogs are cuddling you, and he feels so lonely now, just staring at the ceiling. He's not upset, just disappointed. Also, you're going to lose the key of the house tomorrow and he will not hear you knocking at the door, which will force you to sleep outside.

Killer and Dustale Sans - Ok, now that's scary. Killer is staring at you in shock as Dune is lying on your lap, purring like hell and SMILING as you're petting his head. ... He wants to be pet too, and he's getting insanely jealous and mad now. You pet Killer's head, he flops in your lap as well. Wow, you didn't know your power could work on feral skeletons too. Weird.

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Come Back to You | Jeon Jungkook

Summary: Jungkook is going off to war but you can't let him go without telling him... Pairing: Reader x Soldier Jungkook Word Count: 670 because I cried the whole time and wanted to stop. Warning: Explicit language and angst :( a/n: Yeah no I didn't think I would cry as much as I did after seeing Jungkook's/the last BTS live until Jin comes back so yeah I figured I would channel some of that into writing really quick. Obviously written in one sitting and idk it's kinda shit but oh well lmao.

"Get out of here, just go"

"Please just let me explain" he begs chasing after me into my apartment building. "You had plenty of time to explain and instead you decide to tell me that you're leaving in the morning and you're not sure if you're coming back" I say getting even more upset. "How was I supposed to tell you when you kept ignoring my calls and messages and then when I finally got the chance to see you it would only be in places where we couldn't have private conversations" he explains. 

"Oh, so now it's my fault?" I question as I unlock my door and leave it open, still letting him in even though all I want to do is shut him out. "That's not what I meant" he says softly, closing it behind us and lowering his voice since he no longer has to chase after me. "Then what did you mean Jungkook? That you felt like you had no choice but to leave things left unsaid until there was no going back? Jungkook I love you" I yell, tears stinging my eyes, threatening to fall. "I love you too" he reciprocates. 

"No Jungkook, I'm in love with you" I say now with a softer voice as well, hating that he had to find out like this. "I know I've always said we're just friends and that's all that we were ever going to be but I can't keep saying that because I am suffocating" I admit, finally letting some tears fall and quickly wiping them away, mad and sad and embarrassed and heartbroken and a whole other range of emotion that a human could possibly go through in moments like this. 

"I've been in love with you for years and you've known that all this time. Why didn't you tell me when you realized that you felt the same way?" he says trying to take a step towards me but I in turn take a step back. "I didn't realize it until now. As much as I fucking hate to say it, you never know how much you love something until it's gone" I say, letting the tears fall freely, mad that I let myself be so immature, keeping all of these emotions inside of me for too long. 

"I won't be gone forever though" he says trying to take another step towards me and me again taking another step back. "Jungkook you're going off to war, you can't just say things like that" I let out, trying to keep my voice level. "People go off to war to serve and come back safely all the time. I don't think it'll be any different for me" he says, his voice soft and reassuring. 

"And what if you don't huh? What if this really is the last time I see you?" I say, getting frustrated with him all over again. "But it won't be" "YOU DON'T KNOW THAT" I yell, all of the anger and frustration built up inside of me bursting at the seams. Not caring about my want for space anymore he rushes over and pulls me in, almost crushing me from his tight embrace. "I don't want to lose you" I sob, my whole body losing it's strength as he guides both of us onto the floor and has me straddle him so he can hold me closer. 

"Shh, shhh" he soothes, tears of his own starting to fall, losing the strong resolve that he had tried to keep up for my sake. "I love you" I sob, hoping that this will somehow make a difference in the outcome. "I'll come home as soon as I can. I promise" he says running his hand along my back. "What if you can't make it back? What if they keep you there for years and you stop putting in the effort to come home?" I say, breaking even more if that's even possible.

"I will never stop trying to find a way to come back to you"  

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[delightful-chaos-collection]

Barbra Lake

Sorry for the long and kind of all-over-the-place post

Now I would like to preface this by saying that I think Barbra Lake is an amazing character and was a truly good character.

But..

Did anyone else find it weird that Barbra did not talk to her son for a whole MONTH? Like Barbra, I get that you're mad at your son but a month? During "Return of the Trollhunter" we see Jim try to talk to his mom even make her favorite food and she just brushes him off, is curt and sounds so dismissive of him

It's not like Jim stopped caring for his mom. He still cooked and cleaned everything. He probably tried to talk to her and tell her the truth but she just shut him down. Which leaves the question has she done this other times before? In the past, Jim probably never told his mom about the bullying, about feeling sad, or needs help with homework or anything because he thought "moms already stressed she does not need my dumb problems" and "She's done so much for me I should not bother her and help her instead" but also because of a fear of her reaction?

As much as Barbra is concerned about her son doing all these things (cooking, cleaning the house, doing laundry, etc) I think there was a part of her that became dependent on it. Like she's a doctor that is already stressful, having a warm and clean home, a good meal, and someone to lend an ear after a long and stressful day and you just get to relax and have the other person with you. It's nice to have these things but she felt guilty that it was coming from her son but she didn't stop it.

Now imagine this from Jim's perspective. You love your mother more than anything. You feel so guilty about not telling her the truth and you want to but she's not listening to you anymore. She's curt and does not want to talk to you. For a whole month you try and talk but no. Then one day you get back home late your moms there and she finally talks to you. It's not how was your day, not a we should talk and even a hello. It's a yelling and a scolding. Barbra is right to be angry her son can't just disappear like that. But the first time your son hears you finally talk to him it's to yell and scold him. Jim is of course he's going to feel angry and frustrated, so little, so pathetic. He already has problems for the rest of his life his home and mother were the only comforts he had and now even that feels just gone

And after that argument you see both of them regretting the way they acted the way they behaved. Especially Barbra.

This is not to say that she was a terrible person or a bad parent. She just had the love of her life leave her she's probably grieving and heartbroken. What does she do? She either returns back to her studies to become a doctor or continues them. She becomes a successful doctor. Makes sure her son is safe and healthy. Is a productive member of society. Loves her son more than anything, and fights a giant stone assassin for her son to protect him. She is an absolute badass and boss b*tch. She tried and did the best that she could in parenting her son. But that is not to say that she is without flaws.

I think that at times she did not know how to be a parent

She is disappointed in Jim for having an uncomfortable opinion about Strickler and is angry with him and says she "expected more from him" like.. huh?

Then a whole counselor (human blinky) comes to your house and your first response is "What did Jim do now" not "Is Jim okay? What happened?"

Not talking to your own son for a month as if he is a friend that upset you

It would have been so interesting to see that after Barbra found out about troll hunting, she's feeling so guilty about the way she treated Jim. Seen her apologise, saw both of them work through their issues.

That even parents can make mistakes

She tried her best and she did. She raised a loving, caring, and responsible son and is so proud of him. She's a wonderful person but it cannot be said that she is without flaw

A head cannon of mine is that Barbra and James sr. were two medical students and fell in love. They wanted kids but later in life after their careers got well established (and they were in their teens or early twenties) but Barbra found out she was pregnant and they found out quite late. They had Jim and little babies can be a lot and really stressful. Neither of them where prepared. James wanted to give the child up for adoption but Barbra didn't. So they stick through it and five years later they are married all their dreams are not where they wanted them to be. They have a child. Their relationship is strained because of it, and they argue a lot. And little Jim overheard most of these arguments about James saying "how the child ruined their lives" "how they should have just given it away" and a lot of other horrible things. To Jim he thought his dad loved him but he actually hates him. How Barbra defends Jim, how she greatly loves him and none of this is his fault. James did not just suddenly leave there were a lot of problems. (He was one of them). Then one day he meets this young girl into skiing from Vermont so free and without worry and financial burden. You know the rest of the story.

Really sad headcanon: What if there was another reason why Jim wants to take care of his mom? What if he feels guilty? Guilty of causing his mom so many problems. So stressed. Thinks that he's the reason his dad left his mom. Her dreams and aspirations were ruined because of him begin born. It is all his fault. Taking care of Barbra is not just his way of showing love but saying I'm sorry.

What if one day on what would be James and Barbra's anniversary? It's been a year since James left and Barbra's still heartbroken and stressed. It's one of the few days she doesn't have a shift so she goes out to get her mind off things to just relax. She's gone most of the day and comes back late and drunk. She gets inside the house and it's clean and warm. She sees the table has been set nicely. Little Jim (6 years old) has made some really nice food for her. He has waited the whole day for her. And he is so happy to see her. But Barbra's not in the best mindset but she says hello and is impressed. her little boy is so smart and she is so proud. Little Jim takes her hand and guides her to the table. Barbra's just being reminded of how she and James used to do this often. She sits and little Jim gets her a plate of spaghetti he made for her. He is so proud, he got a lot of cuts and burns but that's okay. Because his mom is here and she going to love it, he loves his mom so so much. Barbara is just looking blankly at the table. Jim puts the food in front of her and she just… stares. Jim is worried does his mom not like it? he can make something else. Is she okay? Then Barbra looks at Jim eyes filled with worry and something in her snaps and maybe the alcohol is a reason to blame. But she yells and screams at Jim. Says that it is all his fault, how she could have been so much by now, how she and James could have still been together, that she should have just gotten rid of him, and a lot of things a child should never hear from a parent. And Barbara's crying hard. She flings the plate of food and it breaks. Jim is just standing there the entire time. listening to what his mom is saying, how angry she is at him, how many problems he's caused her, he's so scared right now. Barbra just gets up gives Jim one last look of anger and just leaves and goes to her room.

Jim just stands there.

stands there for a good while and hears his mom crying from her room. Then the crying stops. Jim goes up to apologize to his mom. to say he's sorry. but she's fallen asleep. Jim tucks her in.

then he goes and cleans up the shattered plate and the food. put the food in the fridge. makes sure the doors are locked and goes to bed and just cries and sniffles himself to sleep.

The next morning Barbra wakes up with a massive hangover(thank god she does not have a shift) and does not remember anything from last night. She makes herself some coffee and Jim comes out having just woken up. he sees Barbra and hides he's scared. Barbra sees him and thinks he's playing oh how much she loves her boy. She smiles and calls for Jim. He comes terrified on the inside. He stands in front and she raises her arm. Jim closes his eyes and Barbara hugs him and says good morning. and asks if he wants pancakes. He just nods. She comments on the pasta in the fridge but Jim does not say anything. They spend breakfast together, the pancakes are bad but his mom made them. and she seems to be happy now. then she gets called for a sudden shift. She's sorry to have to leave Jim but he says it's ok he will be fine. she gives him a hug and tells her how much she loves him. then gets dressed and leaves. and he sits at the table. alone. He has to be better, has to do better. He has to make sure his mom is always happy. he has hurt her so much. how its all his fault

Jim would never tell Barbra about that day and would take it to his grave

[gamerbearmira]

YOU CAN'T TURN AWAY WE'LL MAKE YOU WANNA STAY❗❗❗

I've been thinking about this au 🙏🙏 taking a break from art fight and I wrote this along with some of these drawings. Just the sillies being the sillies and being very influential and slightly manipulative to Alma.

For the greater good obviously 🦀🦀 they gotta protect their secret somehow, and they can't have Alma questioning how Mirabel has some acess to magic is the candle is failing to be their cover story 🌚

LE GE I

-----

Bruno stared at his mother. She looked at him and he was holding the vision she asked him to have. He usually only had vision whenever he felt like it, or whenever he needed to rile up some villagers, but his mamá seemed worried. And he was a little shocked at Mirabel's door disappearing, but it's not like she wouldn't have..."other" means of getting magic.

"Is that it?" Alma asked, closing her bedroom door. Bruno had been standing outside of it, debating if he should show her. He quickly backed away as she got closer, confusing her.

"I-I...it's nothing, don't worry about it," Bruno shrugged, giving a wry smile but Alma wasn't falling for it.

"Bruno, let me see," Alma pressed, but he didn't let him. He only had a second to react when Alma started walking towards him, her hand out to take the vision. He could sense the worry frustration and many other rather negative emotions and while yes, he loved nothing more than to rile people up and feed off their emotions, especially with his visions, but his mamá was not one of those people.

"Mama, I don't think that's a good idea," he said, and he stumbled back a bit, oushing the vision further into his ruana.

"Bruno, just let me see! We need to know if something is wrong!" Alma said and Bruno shook his head. Alma was about to move closer when a hand stopped her. She looked back and saw Pepa standing there, and Julieta was standing next to her. They both had strange smiles on their faces but Alma didn't pay it much mind.

"Mamá, why are you shouting? It's late, is something wrong?" Pepa asked in a soft voice and Bruno started back away while their mamá was distracted.

"Bruno had that vision, and I need to see it! I need to know if something happened to the miracle," Alma explained and Julieta and Pepa circled her for a moment before Julieta smiled.

"Oh, but...is Mirabel not having a gift really that bad?" Julieta asked and Alma blinked for a moment. She didn't even notice the two sisters harmonizing between words.

"W-What? Of course it is!" She tried to argue but Pepa looked at her strangely.

"Is it? I mean...you don't have a gift. You do a lot of work in town. And Mirabel's very helpful. You could say...she doesn't even need a gift," Pepa said and Alma looked down for a moment. She half shrugged.

"I...I suppose, but-" Alma was cut off by Julieta, but she didn't even seem mad abiut ut, despite her deep hate for being cut off or interrupted.

"And Mirabel seemed so happy about the after party. You saw how sad she looked," Julieta continued. "She was heartbroken."

"She was..." Alma said. Her brain grew foggy. What was she upset about again? "It is her birthday, so maybe..."

Julieta and Pepa exchanged a look, smirking as their mothers emotions fueled them further.

"Are you saying we should throw he another party? That's a great idea!" Julieta beamed and Alma looked at her, dazed a bit, a green glint in her eye.

"Did I?" Alma mummured. "I...I guess I am. I guess her not having a gift is so bad...A-And we can redo the party."

Julieta held her mothers hands, looking into her vacant eyes. "See? I knew you'd come around. Now, why don't you go off to bed. We have a lot to plan tomorrow."

Alma nodded, her movements mechanical yet somehow fluid as she left to her room. Julieta and Pepa watched her for a moment before Bruno came back.

"Thanks you guys," Bruno sighed. "She was getting too close to seeing the vision." Julieta and Pepa turned to their brother nodded.

"Oh it's no problem. We know how...pushy Mamá can be," Pepa shrugged.

"What was in that vision anyway?" Julieta asked. Bruno gave her a knowing look.

"Oh," Julieta said, crossing her arms. She and her younger siblings glanced up at the candle. "That."

-----

OMINOUS ENDING LETS GOOOOO 🦅🦅

Anywayyyy I think Mirabel didn't seem to beat up about not getting magic; a "Gift", from the candle. She was more excited about the magic her mama, tia Pepa, Tio Bruno, her sisters and primo had. And Camilo had been hyping it up in the months from his birthday to hers.

[reaperlight]

[Carnage found family au]

[Content warning: angst tw rape, csa mention, discussions of consent, past canon-typical abuse, and the bodily autonomy issues of aliens living in human bodies]

Carnage: *sulking in a jar after having a fight with Cletus and getting blasted out of him by Shriek*

Carnage [to Venom and Eddie]: How do you two have such a strong bond?

Eddie [babysitting the jar with Venom]: Well, we work on it. We talk things out, find compromise and--

Venom [cheerfully]: Sex!

Eddie: ...

Carnage: ...how?

Venom: ...you know how humans work, right? You just put your tentacles up his--

Carnage: ...then I do not understand why our bond isn't stronger. That's where I was born! Where I first made my home after he swallowed me, so I don't understand why ours isn't stronger. Why does he get upset and embarrassed about us? He likes us, I know he does--

Eddie: Oh God. Consensual sex. You have to ask him first.

Carnage: How? I was newly made, a barely conscious blob when we bonded. And why should I? Father never did with you and your bond is perfectly strong.

Eddie: I... I don't mind. Yeah he couldn't ask before when we first bonded but he does now.

Carnage: And why didn't you mind?

Eddie: ...well I realize as a space blob Venom couldn't exactly take me out to dinner first. But when I first met Venom I was alone and--

Carnage: So was he! And he really didn't mind! It was like he was conditioned to be the perfect host. His entire life--

Eddie [sitting down, horrified]: Oh no... oh God. Cletus... He's been hurt, a lot. And now you're hurting him more. If you care about him at all you will ask him first before doing anything. And you will listen to him when he says no.

Carnage: I know he likes it though. He just gets weird about it. Why should I have to ask? No one else ever asked him.

Eddie: ...Not even Frances?

Carnage: Oh, she does, but--

Eddie: And you wonder why he likes her and not you?

Carnage: ....

Eddie: [*Seriously contemplating flushing this creep down the toilet but Cletus had asked him to look after Red. He had sounded very upset, heartbroken even. Was that because Carnage had done something to him or did he actually still want the symbiote despite everything?*]: Listen you just... have to listen if he doesn't want to.

Carnage: If I listened to what he said he'd never want to. But he does want to--

Eddie: Yeah, then you listen to what he says.

Carnage: I'm in his head! I know his thoughts! I know what he wants!

Eddie: You still listen to what he says. Alright?

Carnage: 'Don't give him sex unless he asks.' So what--should I make him beg for it?

Eddie [now burdened with that mental image and the feeling of perving on his best friend]: That's... probably better than what you're doing now.

Carnage [snarling in frustration]: I know nothing about human mating rituals!

Eddie: Well, that's bullshit. Aren't you with Cletus 24/7?

Carnage: ...Usually.

Eddie: Aren't you there when he's with his wife? Don't you see how he treats her. Does he ever hurt her?

Carnage: No, well... not unless she asks but... she likes it. Oh... I think I see.

Eddie: Do you? Come on, what have we learned?

Carnage: ...avoid sexually stimulating him unless he begs for it and that I must court him just as he courts her.

Eddie: Also he respects her, doesn't he?

Carnage: Yes. A lot.

Eddie: Do you respect Cletus as your host and as a person and partner or do you just see him as your Airbnb?

Carnage: I am a predator built for conquest, for violence--just like him! We belong together--

Eddie: But do you think he enjoys being preyed upon?

Carnage: ...You've given me much to think about. Thank you, father.

[Later]

Eddie [*hoping it wasn't a mistake to give Carnage back to Cletus, noticing Venom is curiously silent*]: V? Are you okay?

Venom: Did I hurt you, Eddie?

Eddie: You're fine, love. We're cool.

Venom: I came here to posses your body and conquer your planet.

Eddie: I know. What's this about, love?

Venom: You were so mad at Carnage--

Eddie: Oh... don't worry, V. You didn't do that.

Venom: I did.

Eddie: Maybe a bit in the beginning but you've always been pretty respectful.

Venom: You're still upset about Cletus.

Eddie: I just... I wish there was something more I could do... I guess I could try being nicer to him...

Venom: You were nicer to him this afternoon. Noticeably nicer. I saw it. He saw it too. And he was acting kind of strange.

Eddie: Stranger than usual?

Venom: Yes.

Eddie: Good strange or back to trying to kill us strange?

Venom: I don't know. He seemed... happy. But given it's Cletus I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.

Eddie: V...

Venom: I know he's your friend now but...

Eddie: ...what?

Venom: You are mine. He doesn't get to eat you either literally or with his eyes.

Eddie: You're... jealous? Come on.

Venom: You were thinking about screwing him today!

Eddie: ...Sometimes thoughts are just thoughts.

Venom: Would you?

Eddie: What?

Venom: Screw him?

Eddie: ...

Venom: Answer the question! You know I'm in your head, Eddie. You know I see your desires. I know you've thought about it!

Eddie: Then why are you asking?! Fine. Maybe I would. But only if he, you, Frances, and Carnage were all... not just okay with it but enthusiastically consenting so as you can see the likelihood of anything like that happening is next to zero.

Venom: But not zero! [*grumbling*] I don't want to share you.

Eddie: He's my friend. They're just my friends, okay? And in any case I share you with Flash.

Venom: That's just work!

Eddie: But you're still up his ass, aren't you?

Venom: Of course.

[the-poetic-mothman]

Rant post

A few months ago, two of my supervisors (they are basically managers but without the title) told me that if I needed help on carts because I couldn't do it, to come in and ask them. Well, I asked four times afterwards that they just didn't care if I needed help. When they had been scolding me they said that if there wasn't anyone to help THEY would put on a vest and come help me, but they never fucking did.

Well today, I come back in from carts after an hour of working my ass off because the girl before me left it a mess, I asked to go to the bathroom. They let me but then said that I would have to go back out and help because I didn't do shit apparently. I was grabbing more carts then I should've been.

You may be thinking, why not just ask? Well, I lost faith in them actually helping me when I needed it out there, so I didn't say anything. The guy had come out multiple times and saw that I was actually pulling my weight and grabbing a decent amount of carts.

I thought multiple times about asking but just didn't.

Since they sent me out I got to the point I couldn't breathe well TWICE.

The other manager came out and asked where the girl I was helping was and said that we need to get it done.

Another thing from this same job is I work with a 26 year old guy who refuses to shower and is a pedophile, he's not convicted. He was forcibly transferred to our store because he was sexually harassing one of his coworkers, not fired, which is what should've happened.

If he's upset with you, he looks at you with these manipulative puppy eyes to try and get you to not be upset at him.

He once mansplained how to do something I knew how to do while helping one of my coworkers since it was her first day. He was on his lunch and had no reason to do that.

I ignored him and he said I couldn't be mad because he was also trying to help. Something about me is I get pissed off if someone helps me when I don't ask for it and force me to accept the help.

He was apparently heartbroken a 16 year old trans guy was ignoring him.

He is less weird with me because he's scared of my mom, but he acts weird around everyone else. Since I was warned on my first day, I warn all of the new AFAB coworkers about him.

He hates one 17 year old because he's one of the managers I was complaining about in the last bit about's favourite. He claims the 17yo doesn't work, when he does, he just prefers closing duties but won't complain about being told to bag or check.

He asked for a TWELVE YEAR OLD'S snap, asked me twice for my CoD username before I had to get my mom involved, was super creepy to a different coworker on snap and after she blocked him he made 3 fake Instagram accounts to stalk her on that.

The only upside is he is one of my only coworkers that consistently respects my pronouns.

The last person I'm complaining about is autistic. I want to make it clear that I'm not mad about her being autistic, I'm ND myself and I don't hate people based on that or anything like that. She had multiple chances, like everyone does and she just didn't stop being annoying.

She always wants to go home early because she doesn't feel good. She talks so much, she's very whiny, and she honestly just drains me.

Like I said, I don't dislike her because of her autism, its how she acts.

Thanks if you read all of this, I just needed to vent my frustrations.

[dez-wade]

I understand how you feel because it sucks when people commit to misinterpreting a character because they're biased against them, especially when said character doesn't speak english as their main language. But people who don't watch Forever's POV aren't going to know everything about him, and that's okay.

Most people aren't doing everything in their power to go against Forever. They are reacting to events in a way that makes sense for their character. It hurts when someone is trying their best and they aren't appreciated, but that's something that is bound to happen on a server like this.

Forever's POV isn't the absolute objective truth and people are allowed to interpret the situation from their own perspective, which is just as valid. People having opinion different from your own isn't an attack, and misunderstanding are a feature, not a bug.

I feel like you want every character and viewer to extend every ounce of understanding and coddeling to Forever, while not being willing to give them the same courtesy.

I don't care if they don't watch his POV or know nothing of his character. No one is obligated to, I don't watch a lot of POVs and I don't plan to.

If you're talking about in RP, I can, as a viewer, be hurt to see a character being misunderstood, but I don't care if the CCs do it because they have no information and that's how it's supposed to work. I can get frustrated to see it happen, exactly like people feel upset when the characters make BBH's issue about not stealing furniture for example. But I won't blame them or get mad at CC, thinking they should know exactly how to treat Forever. I will just be sad because I'm able to watch multiple POVs and thus I am "cursed" with the knowledge they don't have. Knowledge that the characters I follow don't have either, and can't act like the way I wish them to. I'm just reacting as a viewer, I'm not demanding anything. Because otherwise I wouldn't be doing posts on Tumblr, in which no one important will be able to look at and see my "demands".

I'm hurt by how they treat Forever? Yes. Do I think they should change everything to accommodate me, the viewer, or Forever? No. That's their characters, they don't like the government regardless of who's running it. Bad is also a highly paranoic character. I don't think they should change, I just want Forever to be able to befriend people that are not that. Because it's obvious that friendship is doomed because Forever IS the government in a sense. There's no point in making him change, and there's no point in making them change.

For the viewers on the other hand, what I dislike is when people try to make an antagonizing opinion of a situation when a character is involved, and they clearly know nothing about them. They're not obligated to know. But if they don't, why spread misinformation? We, as viewers, have the power to watch or at least try to look for information about the whole situation. So, I'm sorry if I don't like when people talk about stuff they don't know. It's not about opinion, if people dislike a character that's okay. But if people say they dislike a character because of things they made up, it's just very frustrating. And if I'm able to, I WILL talk and defend about a POV I watch and know about.

Also I think you haven't seen my posts where I actually want conflict and didn't want the situation to be resolved where they all understand each other's point of view. I genuinely want them, BBH especially, to mistrust Forever even more and I'm still waiting for that prison he said he'll lock Forever up. I want Forever's actions to be seen even more suspicious in other people's POV. And also, yes, I'll be sad and extremely heartbroken over it but that's what entertainment is all about. Even cc!Forever is hyped with a bit of chaos and of course I am too.

I felt frustration plenty of times with the characters in QSMP but pretty normal average stuff, the things they want you to feel frustrated about. I actually never felt truly mad at CCs and there's not a single character I hate or I dislike. At most, I'm neutral to them. If I don't like a character's relationship doesn't mean I dislike the characters involved. For example, despite wanting q!Forever to move on with his friendship with q!Bad, he is probably my second favorite character and he's ironically the one I have most channel points of.

The fandom on the other hand pisses me off plenty of times. They have no excuses.

[silverwings22]

Song of the Sea: Chapter 31: Homeless

Chapter warning: complicated feelings, being 'othered', near drowning Series Warning: explicit smut, alien anatomy (it's a monsterfucker fic, guys), major character injury, grief, canon typical violence, autistic meltdowns, and my terrible attempts at Mando'a

Previous Chapter:

Next Chapter:

“You look upset, Baby Mega.” Shiani was sitting on the floor in Omega's room, hairbrush in hand, combing out the tangles of the blonde fluff in front of her. She liked doing little sisterly things with Omega, especially lately when she seemed so out of sorts. She’d been heartbroken since Echo had left, and when the tears stopped there had been a brow-furrowed defiance on her face even Shiani couldn’t quite seem to break through. Shiani chalked it up to Omega starting to grow up, an innocent and naive child morphing into a teenager. 

“... Everything is different now, with Echo gone.” Omega said quietly. “We’re a squad, we’re supposed to be together. I wish Hunter hadn’t let him go.”

“Oh, Baby Mega. Come here.” Shiani set the brush down and pulled the girl into her arms with her tentacles. “It’s more complicated than that. Hunter had to let Echo choose.”

“But why would he want to go? Doesn’t he care about us?” Omega stayed hunched over, unhappy and waspish as she’d been for days despite the purple hug she was wrapped up in. She didn’t push Shiani away though, which was progress. 

“Of course he cares.” Shiani snuggled her. “But he cares about the other clones too. And they need a Chainbreaker right now, like him.” 

“We need him too.” Omega said sullenly.

“We want him. Need is different.” Shiani hooked her chin over Omega’s shoulder. “The Bad Batch has each other. I got you, you got me, we got your brothers, and they got us. Clones trapped in the Empire don’t have anyone, unless Echo and Rex fight for them.” 

Omega sighed and snuggled back finally, into the siren’s arms. “You’re starting to sound like Hunter.” 

“Hunter loves you like you were his own daughter.” Shiani smiled. “For me, you are a baby sister. We have fun. We get in trouble together. But it’s still my job as big sister to help you learn and keep you safe. They’ll be your alibi, I’ll be your accomplice.”

Omega sighed. “I appreciate it, Shiani… Sorry I’ve been kinda grumpy lately.”

“You have a hard time with change. You’re not the only one.” Shiani rubbed her face across the girl’s hair like a tooka. 

“What are you talking about? The guys act like nothing happened when Echo left, especially Tech.” Omega huffed, crossing her arms. “Does he even have feelings? He doesn't even act like he’s in love with you!”

“Grumpy Mega is back.” Shiani observed out loud, resting her hands on Omega’s shoulders and squeezing lightly. “Maybe, if you take the time to understand your brothers instead of being frustrated that you don’t, you will see.”

Omega gave her another unhappy look, but the furrows in her brow softened. “How come you don’t get mad at them?” 

Shiani thought back to the Senate, and Chuchi’s whisper for her to control her temper lest it be taken poorly. She’d thought about those words for weeks now, waking up in a cold sweat as it dawned on her what the kind Senator had been warning her about.

Don’t scare them, or you’ll lose all credibility. They’ll think you’re a monster, and call for your death like an animal. You and every siren on Kamino.

“I... don’t have the luxury of getting angry, Baby Mega.” She said softly. “Not the way other species do… and especially not with people I care about.” 

Omega looked back at her. “What do you mean?”

“People don’t know sirens. Not like they do other races… they know not to let Wookiee and Trandoshan in the same room, or expect Togruta to eat vegetables.” She ran her fingers through Omega’s hair gently, careful with her claws. Humans were inherently soft, breakable to her strength, and a child was even softer.  “They don’t know what to expect with me. If I hiss or show teeth, they get scared. If you know about other races, you can say Commander Venomor and Cid aren’t the same even though they’re both Trandoshans. Or that Hunter and Rampart are different even though they’re both humans.” 

Omega nodded, putting her hands on Shiani’s tentacles draped around her waist. “So because you’re the only siren off of Kamino, people think every siren is like you.”

Shiani nodded. “And unknown things scare people. Siren anger looks like a monster to them when they don’t know who we are.”

“But isn’t anger a part of sentient nature? Especially when you have a reason to be angry.” Omega leaned back against Shiani’s chest. 

“Yes, until they don’t consider you sentient. When you’re just another vicious lurca they have to put down, the reason for your anger doesn’t matter anymore.” Shiani opened her palms in front of Omega, letting the young girl put her own hands over them and examine the difference between the little brown hands and lethal purple ones. “Only two people in the whole galaxy have never, at least for a little while, considered me a threat. You and Tech.”

“Really?” Omega frowned. 

Shiani nodded. “Wrecker got over it first. Echo once reached for a blaster when I raised my voice. Hunter wouldn’t take his eyes off me until after Salucemi, when he started to trust me. The Senate was the same, I had to be so careful not to look angry. I hid my tentacles so they couldn’t see the rings, just so they didn’t think my people were threatening… it was so hard to keep my mouth closed.” 

“Does it make you mad?” Omega asked, her own frustration soothed in the cuddle and honesty between them. She never worried about Shiani lying to her, or even sugar coating things too much. Her brothers wanted to protect her, Shiani wanted to share whatever experience it was. Good or bad, the siren had her back.  

“A little. Strangers are one thing, but I hate feeling scared of the family’s reaction… but it means I watch carefully. I learn their hearts. It’s easier not to get angry if you understand why they do things.” 

Omega huffed. “I thought you were full of feelings.”

“I am. Not all feelings are helpful. Real, yes, but not helpful.” 

When the siren faceplanted into her hair and started rubbing her face all over Omega’s head, the girl couldn’t help but laugh a little. “Okay, okay. I’ll… try to understand. But it seems like they don’t care that Echo’s gone and everything is different.”

“Different happens, Baby Mega. Life on the Marauder is very different than Kamino, right?”

“Yeah…” Omega flopped, going limp, and Shiani picked her up in a cradle of tentacles and turned her upside down. “So where are we going anyway? They picked up the mission this morning while I was still sleeping.”

“An ipsium mine.” Shiani explained, continuing to rotate Omega like a puzzle cube. “Tech gave me a debrief. Cid bought a mine, and ipsium is valuable. Well, refined ipsium is. Raw ipsium explodes.” 

“So why are we going?”

“To get the ipsium out of the mine. Tech has a little contraption to extract it and keep it safe. As long as we don’t drop the canister or use the drill wrong, we should be fine.” 

“Is it a big explosion?” Omega frowned as Shiani finally set her down, oddly relaxed after all the turning. Shiani filed that tidbit away in case she needed to do it again… it had always worked on her and her brother when they were young, and their father would simply lift and rotate them while he did official duties. 

“Like a thermal, Tech says. I’d rather not find out what that feels like. Come on, get your gear bag. I gotta get my armor.” 

Omega sighed and nodded, trying to keep the short temper she felt brewing in check. Shiani had said to try to understand her brothers, but that seemed so difficult when they kept their emotions in check so tightly. 

Once the ship had landed, she followed her brothers and Shiani out. It was arid and hot, with only patches of scrubby grass to denote the entire planet wasn’t, in fact, as dry as Tattooine. “This was the only suitable landing zone.” Tech explained as they made their way down the stepped plateaus to the coordinates of the mine. “It will put the ship slightly out of direct line of sight.”

Shiani sighed, shaking her head. “Can’t be helped.”

It didn’t take them long to find the mining tunnel door, and Tech and Shiani got to work getting it open while Hunter looked out into the horizon. There was a gathering storm in the distance he didn’t like the look of, but it appeared to be moving away from them. “Wrecker. You and Omega keep lookout. We’ll need Shiani.” 

“We will need Wrecker in the mines as well. With Echo missing, we are a man down.” Tech glanced at Omega, who crossed her arms at the mention of Echo. 

“I can keep watch.” She said almost sullenly, and Shiani resisted the urge to remind her of their conversation on the ship. Scolding a kid who was already unhappy wasn’t going to help, and Omega had to learn to navigate the galaxy’s many personalities on her own. One day, the Batch and Shiani might not be there to guide her. 

“Not by yourself.” Hunter shook his head. “Cid warned us about poachers. Keep an eye out and comm us if you see anything or anyone suspicious.”

Omega nodded, though she didn’t brighten up like she usually did when given a task. Shiani followed Tech into the cave, Hunter behind her, and fiddled with her claws her husband started scanning for ipsium.

“She talks to you more than anyone. She okay?” Hunter asked softly. 

“She misses Echo.” Shiani sighed. “Change is hard.” 

“Soldiers must be adaptable to change.” Tech shook his head, looking up from his datapad.

“Tech, she’s not a soldier. And even you hate change.” Shiani frowned. 

“That does not mean I am not adaptable.” He raised an eyebrow at her. 

Hunter just shook his head and glanced back towards the mine entrance. “Hopefully she’ll adjust soon… I worry about her.”

“You’re her dad.” Shiani nodded. “You’re supposed to.”

Tech looked up again. “Hunter is not her father. He is her brother, as we all are. She is, technically, older than we are.”

Shiani gestured at Hunter, whose helmet was cocked curiously as he listened to the deranged conversation. Sometimes listening to Tech’s aggressively logical view of the world when it collided with Shiani’s emotions was more entertaining than any holodrama. “But he’s so… father figure.” 

Hunter bit back a snicker as Tech just shook his head. “Let us focus on the task at hand, cyar’ika. I am detecting very little ipsium here. It would appear that Cid was scammed into purchasing a depleted mine.” 

“Let’s just get what we can.” Hunter sighed. The sooner they got out of here, the sooner he could figure out what to do with Omega. She had been the glue holding them together after losing Crosshair. Now, with her so upset over Echo, the rest of the squad was feeling the cracks. Wrecker and Tech were bickering constantly, and even Hunter found himself snapping at them more than he cared to admit. Shiani was the only one who wasn’t more annoyed than usual… or at least she didn’t act like it. Sometimes he saw her eyes narrow, and she’d rub the sides of her mouth like she was trying to loosen the muscles that pulled it open in anger. 

Tech nodded, lightly patting Shiani’s shoulder and pointing as he handed her the precision drill. “Can you get up there, cyare? That glowing yellow substance is the mineral deposit. 

She nodded and climbed up, getting the first vial of ipsium. “There’s more inside the little cave here, but my shoulders don’t fit.” She called down. 

“I will comm Omega for assistance.” Tech said, but Hunter stopped his arm. 

“I’ll comm her. You’ve been pissing her off for days.” The sergeant shook his head and hit his own comm. “Omega, can you come here? We need your help.”

Shiani adjusted the way she was dangling from the side of the rock wall, hanging upside down to look at the two brothers and Omega when she arrived. “Up here, Baby Mega. I’ll show you where.” 

Omega held up a hand and Shiani pulled her up to the top of the ledge, pointing out where the ipsium was. Below them, Tech adjusted his goggles. “You must be extremely cautious when drilling into the fossilized quartz around the ipsium. The slightest friction could cause the mineral to become unstable.”

“I know.” Omega grumbled, taking the precision drill from Shiani and getting to work. Shiani sat by her with the empty containment rods, passing them to her once she’d gotten through the quartz. Once the rods were full, Shiani carefully passed them down for Tech to store in his canister. 

Shiani watched Omega’s face, scrutinizing her grumpy nose scrunch and hard eyes. It was the same face Tech made when he was annoyed. Once all the ipsium was locked away, she gently patted Omega’s arm. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Omega nodded, looking lost in thought, as Shiani offered her a hand and they climbed down together. It occurred to the siren that Baby Mega wasn’t going to be a baby much longer at the rate she was going. 

They walked out of the dark mine as a group, finding Wrecker looking out into the distance. “Good think you guys finished up when you did. I don’t like the look of that storm.”

Hunter nodded. “Neither do I.” 

“The weather is highly irregular on this planet, but we should get back to the ship quickly. We cannot be caught in a lightning storm with something as volatile as ipsium.” 

Shiani looked over at him thoughtfully. “Let’s go then.” She could talk to him in the cockpit about trying to smooth things over with Omega. She didn’t like that his own sister thought he didn’t care about things. Of course Tech cared, he just… looked at the galaxy a little differently than the other clones did. She’d always known he was special, after all. 

But he was the adult in this situation. She couldn’t put all the onus for change on Omega, who was just a kid having a hard time adjusting-

Her ear fins suddenly pinned back. “Someone’s by the ship.”

Hunter stiffened and swore. “The engine just came online.”

They all raced towards where they’d parked, watching in sick horror as the Havoc Marauder whizzed by them with none of them on board. No one spoke for a long moment as it vanished from sight, taking with it both their way off the planet and their home. Hunter’s eye twitched before he rounded on Wrecker with blazing eyes. “You were supposed to be lookout!” 

“There was nobody there!” The giant protested, pushing his helmet up on his head like a hat. 

“Clearly, someone was.” Tech crossed his arms, eyes narrowed at Wrecker.

“You’re the one who parked out of sight!” Wrecker’s voice pitched like he was panicking.

“There was no other suitable landing zone. I told you this was a concern, you should have modified your approach for such a situation-”

“Would have or should have doesn’t get the ship back.” Shiani wiggled in the middle of the three brothers. “Now stop. We work together.”

Omega’s newly hardened exterior crumbled a little, heartbreak in her big brown eyes. “There’s got to be a way to get it back.”

Hunter sighed and looked at Tech. “Anything on the scanner?”

Tech shook his head, typing on his datapad. “I am picking up a spaceport about 40 klicks from here. We may be able to get assistance there.” 

Shiani looked at Omega, putting a hand on her shoulder. “We’ll find it, Baby Mega.” She whispered. The thunder in the distance made her look up anxiously, then glance at the ipsium container Tech was passing to Wrecker as he worked at his scanner. “Might have to shelter from the storm first, but we’ll find it.” 

“40 klicks is going to take forever to walk.” Wrecker grumbled. 

“Then we better start walking.” Hunter huffed, still annoyed but softening a little in the light of their current predicament. They were all in this together, at least, and no one was hurt. They could fight about it when they were under shelter. 

He waved for everyone to follow him, heading towards a canyon Tech indicated. It was brutally hot in the sun, and Hunter did his best to try to hurry them along so they could seek some respite in the shade of the canyon walls. “How much further?” Wrecker complained, shoulders slumped. He hated this, and it was only worse with the knowledge that technically this was his fault. If he hadn’t missed the ship being taken, they’d be halfway back to Ord Mantell by now. 

“You do not want to know.” Tech said dryly. Shiani sensed the undercurrent of frustration he was swallowing, that only made its way out through his tone. This probably wasn’t helping Omega’s perception of him today, but she needed to handle one thing at a time. If they could make it through this without a major fight, it would be a Melody-given miracle. 

Next to the siren, Shiani was working at her comm. “Havoc 5 to Havoc 4. Come in Havoc 4.” It was a little heartbreaking to see the girl trying desperately to call Echo, who’s absence was the cause of all her tension. She’d done so well not to call him before, no matter how much she missed him, but this did constitute as the kind of emergency he’d approve of.

He’d probably yell at them for losing the ship, though. He might have been the second in command, but he was the older brother.

Shiani winced. “Baby Mega… without the ship’s long-range transmitter, we won’t be able to get a signal off world.” 

“Even if we had the ability to transmit the signal, Echo has disabled his communication device for the time being.” Tech shrugged.

“Why would he disable his comm?” Omega almost stopped walking, eyes wide with hurt. Shiani winced again. Oh, it was going to be a very long day if Tech kept being utterly oblivious of Omega’s distress. Most of the time his obliviousness to subtlety was endearing. When Omega looked like she might be about to cry, it was significantly less so.

“It is likely that whatever mission he is currently on is of a sensitive nature, and therefore he needed absolute radio silence.” Tech shrugged. 

Shiani sighed, tugging on his sleeve gently. “Tech.” She whispered, voice as sweet as she could muster. “Maybe it’s not so nice to tell Baby Mega that Echo is ignoring us?”

“That is not what I said. I said he has disabled his comm for a mission.” He frowned, turning his head to look at her.

“She’s still a child, it’s going to feel like-” She paused, turning her head. “.... Uh oh.”

Hunter turned a split second after she did. “Something’s coming. I feel it on the ground.”

“More than one something, and it’s scared. Run!” Shiani pushed Tech and reached back for Omega’s hand, pulling the girl as fast as she could down the gulch. They were trapped by the canyon walls that had only a minute ago seemed blessed for their shade, overtaken by a stampede of blue Ipsidon bucks that ran far faster than they could. A sharp hoof clipped Omega’s shoulder and she fell, taking Shiani down with her by the hand. The siren pulled Omega to her chest and rolled, narrowly avoiding being crushed. She spotted Hunter pulling up his dart gun, so she picked Omega up. “Hunter!”

He looked up and nodded as she lawn-dart threw Omega into his free arm and he shot the dart into an over hanging root system, pulling them both to safety. Tech grabbed Shiani by the the toolbelt as he fired his own dart line, pulling her to safety as well. “Are you alright, cyar’ika?” 

She nodded, twisting until she was clinging to him with her legs around his waist and he could hold onto her hip with one arm. “I’m okay. But where’s Wrecker?!” 

When a third dart landed between Tech and Hunter’s everyone sighed with relief. Wrecker hauled himself out of danger, hanging lower but out of the way of the piercing hooves. Tech narrowed his eyes. “Where is the ipsium?” 

Shiani winced and pointed “On the ground.” She watched the bucks’ hooves coming dangerously close to the canister, trying to figure out how she could protect them from the explosion if it went off. They were sitting ducks, dangling just above the stampede, and if it exploded they’d likely be killed instantly. 

Tech had already done the calculations of the likelihood of survive. “Wrecker, you must protect the ipsium!”

“Who’s gonna protect me!?” Wrecker groaned. 

“If that canister explodes, all of us will perish.” Tech insisted, holding onto Shiani a little tighter. It was the only outward sign, once again, that he was in any way upset with the situation. Wrecker groaned but dropped back into the midst of the stampede, while Omega yelled his name and tried to reach for him. 

“Why’d you tell him to go back?!” She shouted at Tech. “He’ll get hurt!”

“Easy.” Hunter breathed as the stampede passed them by, leaving Wrecker huddled over the ipsium case. Hunter carefully lowered himself and Omega, setting her down first so she could run over and check on Wrecker. 

Tech did the same with Shiani and sighed, looking at Wrecker. “Next time, do not drop it.”

“If you’re such an expert, you carry it!” Wrecker grumbled angrily. He was well over being scolded by everyone for what had already happened. 

“Very well.” Tech took the case calmly and put it on his back. Shiani sighed, watching Omega put her arms around one of Wrecker’s and give Tech a baleful look. Yeah, they needed to talk this out, but she had no idea how they were ever going to get an opportunity. Without the ship they had no privacy or safety, which seemed necessary for the kind of vulnerability the conversation would require… 

She just patted Tech’s arm lightly. “Be nice.” She just said gently. 

Hunter looked up. “The storm is getting closer.”

“That would explain the stampede.” Tech frowned. 

Shiani squeaked when the wind whipped around her aggressively, sand thrown into her large eyes. She scrubbed at her face. “Anywhere to hide on the scanners, Tech? Lightening and ipsium are a bad combination.”

He consulted his handheld with renewed interest as she clung to his arm, half blinded from the dirt. It was rapidly getting dark, the storm coming for them with prejudice. It was the worst possible combination, as she’d said, and they were running out of time. “There should be a mining tunnel ahead.” 

“I see it.” Omega pointed, clinging to Wrecker to avoid her small frame being swept up in the rushing winds. The large clone nodded, pulling her to his side and headed for it. He and Hunter snatched the door open, getting Omega to safety first before climbing in. Tech pushed Shinai forward, Hunter helping her inside when his genius brother tripped. 

“Tech!” Shiani yelped in horror as the wind ripped the canister off his bag. It was pulled up, into the cyclone of the storm. Tech’s eyes were bigger than she’d ever seen, watching it vanish into the cloud. 

It was going to explode, there was nothing anything they could do to stop it. Shiani leaned out and grabbed Tech’s belt, yanking him into the tunnel door as the roiling mass of crackling lightening and dust smashed the canister into the mountainside. It blew like a thermal, collapsing the tunnel entrance and throwing everyone back inside the mine. 

Hunter sat up slowly, rubbing his head through his helmet. “Everyone okay?”

Shiani had landed on top of Tech when they’d been thrown, and inspected him carefully. He nodded. “We’re okay.” She called. “Baby Mega? Wrecker?”

Wrecker nodded. “I’m good.”

Omega sighed, checking herself over. “I’m not hurt either.”

Hunter sighed with relief. “Good. Everyone’s okay…”

“Except we are now trapped inside a mine and have lost the ipsium.” Tech grumbled, sitting up and taking his helmet off to better inspect Shiani’s arms. She had minor bruising, but he still didn’t like it. 

“I guess that’s my fault too?” Wrecker snarked loudly, not noticing Omega’s wince. 

“If you had not allowed the Marauder to be stolen, we would be halfway back to Ord Mantell with the mineral.” Tech nodded. “So yes.” 

“That’s enough out of both of you. The only way out is to dig, so quit arguing and start digging.” Hunter huffed, taking his helmet off to wipe his face. 

Shiani nodded, going over to the mouth of the cave to start inspecting the pile of rocks. “This is gonna take hours.” She sighed. 

The guys all groaned, but she was right. This was the only way out, and they had no choice but to start shifting rock and hope it didn’t collapse on top of them.

They’d been digging for a while when Shiani took a quick break to check on Omega. The girl had been working at her datapad since they’d started digging. “You okay, Baby Mega?”

“The Marauder’s transponder is offline.” She sounded desolate and heartbroken. Shiani eased down next to her and offered her a hug, which she took and snuggled to the siren’s armored side.

“It was likely disabled by the thief.” Tech said mildly as everyone else exchanged unhappy glances. 

“But how are we going to find it?” She swallowed hard, looking at each of them. 

“We’ll figure that out once we’re out of here.” Hunter said gently. 

Shiani nodded. “We’ll get it back, don’t worry.”

Tech clicked his tongue and shook his head. “Shiani, you know better. It is highly unlikely the Havoc Marauder will be recovered.” 

Shiani’s shoulders sank a little, and Omega’s face turned red with frustration. “We can’t just give up on it!”

“We can acquire another ship. It is merely a mode of transportation.” Tech shrugged, frowning as Shiani gave him a sad look. 

“It’s our home! It’s bad enough we lost Echo, we can’t lose our home too!” Usually when Omega raised her voice, it was lighthearted and uplifting or scared and they needed to protect her. None of them had ever heard the anger she hit them with, and Shiani’s ears drooped anxiously. 

“We didn’t lose Echo.” Hunter tried to do damage control, hands coming up. “He’s just… on another mission.”

“But he’s not here with us! We’re a squad, we’re supposed to stay together!” Omega got, if possible, louder, and the anger in her voice had the ragged edge of a tear starting to pull at it. Shiani reached for her hand, hoping she could try to talk her down again like she had in the ship before. 

Tech raised an eyebrow. “This squad existed before Echo, and will continue to exist after him. What is your issue?” 

Omega nearly hit Shiani in the head on her backswing when she pitched her datapad at Tech, and the siren covered her ears with her hands. The emotions rolling off the girl were suddenly overwhelming when she lost control of them. Omega grabbed her bag angrily. “I want to be alone.” She snapped, and stormed down the tunnel. 

Tech frowned, taking a step over to Shiani. “I do not understand why she is so upset. I merely stated the truth.” 

Hunter rolled his eyes. “She knows the truth. That’s why she’s upset.” 

Shiani looked up as her mate knelt beside her, making sure she hadn’t been bonked upside the head by their collective little sister. “Are you alright, cyar’ika?” 

“...Wouldn’t an honest conversation cause less despair?” She whispered faintly. 

“I was being honest.” Tech frowned. 

“No you weren’t, Tech. She thinks you don’t care at all.” Shiani muttered, rubbing her gills as the torrent of Omega’s emotions finally faded into a manageable level of white noise for her. 

“Well, he doesn’t.” Wrecker grumbled. “So she’s right.”

Shiani scrunched her nose, curling her fingers over Tech’s vambrace. “I know better than that.” 

Hunter sighed and waved for Wrecker to join him back at digging, letting Shiani handle Tech. The genius sat back on his heels to look at his wife with a frown. “Why would Omega believe I do not care?”

“Because you show it differently.” She sighed, squeezing his hands three times to try to get the message across better. “She can only read your actions against how she would react. And you two are very different people.”

“That is certain.” Tech sighed. “But that analysis does explain why she has been so short with all of us… and me most of all.”

Shiani nodded. “We give her a little space, but then you should talk to her. If you can explain why you react the way you do, she’ll understand you better.” She leaned up and kissed him softly. “I can feel your hearts. Not everyone can.”

He nodded, settling back down beside her fully so she could cuddle to his side. “Have I upset you with my reactions lately?”

“No. But I know you best.” She shook her head. “You feel about Echo like you do about Crosshair. I know it hurts you, but you don’t want to talk about it. You keep feelings like sea glass, holding them up to the light to look at them but not sharing them with others. It’s… impressive. But maybe you should share, so it doesn’t hurt so much.” She headbutted his shoulder lightly. “Or hurts other people.”

Tech nodded quietly. “I had not considered that. My apologies, cyar’ika.” 

“I’m not the one who needs the apology. Baby Mega does.” Shiani raised a non-existent eyebrow at him. “And your brothers, too. Hunter probably knows, but Wrecker’s got a tender heart. You know that.”

“I do.” Tech looked slightly chastened. “You have a remarkable grasp of the emotional states of this squad.”

“I told you. Sirens speak hearts as a first language.” She reached up and tapped the golden lenses of his goggles gently with her nail. “At some point, there had to be something I could teach you.” 

He smiled faintly, curling his fingers under her soft jawline. “I suppose it was statistically likely. I will talk to Omega when you deem it is an appropriate time to do so. You have a better grasp of that.” He pressed a kiss against her mouth before getting up to go back to digging. 

Shiani beamed, deciding to go down and check on Omega herself before she called for Tech. 

Omega was using the precision drill to knock a hole in the wall when Shiani found her. “Digging holes, Baby Mega?” She frowned curiously. 

The little blonde looked up and sighed. “Sorry I almost hit you in the head.” 

Shiani nodded. “It’s okay. You were upset. You okay now?”

Omega went back to drilling the wall. “I don’t understand him. He doesn’t care about anything. He’s worse than a droid, and I don’t understand how you two ended up married.”

Shiani smiled, kneeling beside Omega and putting her hand over the girls on the drill. “He’s not a droid, Omega. He’s different. His mind is different. That doesn't mean his hearts don’t work.” 

“I thought his mind was perfect. He seems to think it is.” Omega groused. 

Shiani shook her head. “Sometimes, people get built different. There’s nothing wrong with the differences, it just takes time to understand them when you’re not the same. It’s… speaking another language, like me learning Basic for the first time. For Tech, his mind is always racing. Always thinking. He feels what we feel, but his mind goes though each potential reaction before he acts them out and decides what’s helpful and what’s not. Before you or I could finish crying, he’s already decided what the best action is to get the result he wants. Sometimes he’s not right because he forgets not everyone can do that, but that doesn't mean he doesn’t feel.”

Omega huffed. “I’ll believe it when I see it.” She cracked open the wall and poked her head in. “Oooh.”

“What did you find?” Shiani cocked her head to the side. 

“More of the mineral. A whole lot more.”

“Enough to get for Cid? And maybe a little to blow our way out of here?” 

“Definitely.”

Shiani nodded. “Let’s get it, then.” 

Omega smiled faintly. “I’ll do it. You stay there, in case I need help or someone needs to get the guys.” 

Shiani chuckled. “Tech will probably come down here to find us soon. I already kind of fussed at him.”

“Good.” Omega settled herself on a ledge with the drill and started extracting the mineral, when she filled a vial she passed it to Shiani and let the siren give her an empty one from her satchel.

“Don’t be mean, Baby Mega. He’s your brother and you love him.” Shiani huffed. “I can feel your hearts too.”

“Can you feel everyones?” Omega didn’t look away as she worked. 

“Not as clearly as Tech. But I actually sang to his hearts, a long time ago.” Shiani shrugged. “He was about the same size as you back then. He was such a cute kid.”

“Is it weird knowing him now that he’s grown?” Omega finished a vial and looked at her. The siren’s big eyes were soft, thoughtful and kind. She was consistently amazed by the humanity the inhuman woman could display. 

“Not anymore. It was at first, when he would go away as a little boy and come back bigger only a couple months later. Sometimes he’d be limping when he’d come see me, because he grew so fast his tendons hurt. I’m glad that doesn’t happen to you.” Shiani nodded. “Your brothers all want to give you a better life than they had.”

“And what do you want?” Omega asked. 

“I want my family to be happy.” Shiani looked up as she heard footsteps and smiled. “Here comes Tech.”

Omega grumbled and went back to work as the siren turned her head and waved at her mate. Tech frowned, crouching beside her and looking into the hole Omega had made into the other side of the wall. “Are you two aware that you are surrounded by a significant vein of ipsium? The slightest miscalculation could end all of our lives.”

"Then you'd better not distract us." Omega grumbled.

“Baby Mega found it by herself.” Shiani was just as much Omega’s cheerleader to her brothers as she was Tech’s.

Tech tapped at his datapad as he scanned the ipsium around them. "This vein appears to be significantly more pure than what we discovered in Cid's mine. It would be practical to extract as much as possible."

"Do you trust me to do it?" Omega paused to look at him, like she hadn’t already handed Shiani six vials. 

"I know you are perfectly capable of the task." Tech cocked his head to the side, as if he didn't understand why she thought he'd doubt her. Based on Shiani’s explanation of his inner workings, he might actually not. Omega wondered if he really was as condescending as she felt like he had been, or if the siren was right and he was just going with his unending calculations and forgetting other people weren’t built the way he was. 

It’s like speaking another language. 

“This is the last vial.” Shiani passed the glass to Omega as she handed the full vial from the drill over, making space so Tech could look. And talk to Omega once she’d finished her task, so they could make up. It would be a relief to walk back up the tunnel with the two clones she was closest to, both of them in sync finally. Sometimes she missed the way sirens could sing out their feelings to understand each other, because they could avoid the gaps in communication that humans seemed to constantly be running into. 

Omega was nearly done, stretching out on the ledge, when her foot slipped and she fell. Tech’s stomach dropped in sick horror and he clambered through the gap, trying to grab her hand as she clung to the outcrop she’d been standing on previously.  “Hold on, Omega. I am-” 

The little girl tried to reach for him, but his her fingers weren’t strong enough to hold onto the slick rock by herself and she lost her grip. She let out an echoing scream and plummeted into the dark chasm below. 

“Omega!” Tech didn’t hesitate for a second, diving after his sister. Shiani practically threw herself through the gap after them both, forgetting the bag full of ipsium vials in her haste to try to save the siblings. She hit cold water quickly and dove, searching desperately for the clones before they drowned. 

Her vision was designed for underwater in low light, and she spotted both pairs of legs kicking just ahead, caught in the fast moving current. Tech had managed to grab Omega, and was holding her up to get a breath even if it pushed his own head underwater. Shiani glanced down, spotting a whirlpool that would suck the duo under, and shoved herself up to suck in a breath of air. “Hold your breath!” She yelled, and Omega obediently sucked in a gasp. Shiani dove again, wrapping herself around Tech and pressing her mouth to his to push the air she had into his lungs as he gills pulled oxygen out of the water. 

They were sucked straight down into the aquaduct, tumbling violently for a minute until they were shot out of a low waterfall and into a deep pool, the current gone. Shiani hauled the two clones to the rocky little shoreline and pushed them both out first. Omega lay on her back, coughing, as Tech rolled from his stomach to his side with a groan. 

“You two okay?” Shiani sat up, shaking the droplets off her head tresses and looking around. 

“Yeah.” Omega didn’t sit up, staring at the ceiling above her for a minute. “My socks are wet.” 

“As are mine. I despise the texture.” Tech grumbled, finally pushing himself upright and looking around.  His comm was buzzing, mic full of water and leaving everything unintelligible until he cleared it out. 

"Fffffsst- ech? Tech, do you copy?" Hunter’s voice was somewhere between anger they weren’t answering, and panic that they couldn’t. None of the accidental underwater spelunking group had any doubt he’d tear this mine apart with nothing but his knife and sheer familial concern to find them.

Tech coughed another mouthful of water. "Affirmative. Shiani, Omega, and I took… an underwater detour."

"Where are you?"

"That is a good question. Stand by."

Shiani looked around, patting Tech’s back to help him clear any more water before helping him and Omega both up. The blonde girl wiped the water from her face and pointed. “I see a light.”

They followed the barely-visible pinprick of sunlight, finally locating a tiny hole in the cavern wall barely bigger than the head of Shiani’s smallest screwdriver. Shiani beamed, leaning towards it. “Smells like fresh air.” 

“Well spotted.” Tech patted Omega’s shoulder, cringing slightly at the slap of his wet glove on her wet shirt. "I will instruct Hunter and Wrecker to retrieve our gear and meet us down here."

When he backed up to comm Hunter, Shiani gave Omega a fond smile. “Now is a good time to talk. You want me to go away?” 

“No… I might need translation.” Omega sighed. “If he’s a whole different language, you speak both.”

Shiani nodded and gave the girl a cheerful little mock salute. “Protocol-droid Shiani, ready for service.” 

Omega at least laughed, and they waited for Tech to finish up on his comm call. When he was done, they all sat at the water's edge to wait for the others. "Once they join us, we will have a way out of the mine." He said firmly.

"We still have no ship, no way off the planet, and we can't even call Echo for help…" Omega pulled her knees up. 

"We do not need help. We will think of a solution, as we always do." 

Omega glanced at Shiani, who patted her back. “You don’t mean that Echo isn’t important.” She murmured to Tech.  

“No. I simply mean that he is unavailable, so we must make our own way without his help. Not that it would not be appreciated.” Tech said quietly.

"... everything is changing. First Echo, now the ship." Omega finally whispered. "I hate it."

"Soldiers often deal with change. It is a fundamental part of life… I do not understand your aversion to it." Tech frowned. 

“You don’t like change either, Tech. You just adapt easier because you’ve had more experience with it.” Shiani coached. 

"And we're a family, aren't we?" Omega looked at Tech with a look in her eyes he couldn't quite understand. She looked almost afraid of his response, like if he told her they weren’t a family it would destroy her. But why would he ever say that? How could they be anything else? 

"... of course we are." Tech’s brow furrowed with confusion, and he looked at Shiani for some kind of explanation.

"Then why don't you act like it?!" Omega demanded his attention before his wife could say anything. 

Tech’s frown deepened as he sat with her question and what Shiani had said earlier. If Omega couldn’t “feel his hearts” the way Shiani said, he would have to be extremely plain about it. Which meant examining his emotions without the solitude he usually preferred. Usually only Shiani got to be privy to his most personal thoughts out loud.  "Echo… chose another path. As did Crosshair. I have to respect those decisions, even if they can be difficult to understand… I admit I may process thoughts differently… but it does not mean I feel any less than you."

Omega frowned. "So you do miss Echo?" Her focus was on the most recently missing brother, but Shiani didn’t fail to notice he brought up Crosshair without a word from either of them about the sniper. 

"Yes. I miss them both." Tech looked at her for a long moment. “I have always missed anyone I care about in their absence... But I have had to accept it for most of my life. I would have preferred to have Shiani join us years before she did.”

“You tried to send her and me away.” Omega said quietly. “On Salucemi.”

“That was an error on my part. I did not ask your choices in the matter.” Tech sighed. “I regret that immensely. As it stands now, I would prefer to have all of us together, including Crosshair and Echo. I cannot make the decision for someone else, however. But… Shiani is right. I do not like the change of living without them. If I am honest… the only positive changes in my life have been meeting the two of you.”

Shiani smiled, scooting a little closer to Tech and putting her head on his shoulder. “I told you a conversation would help.”

He nodded. “You were correct, cyare.” He looked back at Omega. “I am sorry I was… not apparent about it. I thought it was obvious.” 

Omega leaned over against his other side, and after a moment he put an arm around her shoulders. A near death experience seemed like a reasonable time to hug his sister. And if Shiani’s tentacles twined their way around both of them, it was a more comfortable cuddle. 

Tech and Omega pondered over their new understanding of each other as Shiani just kept her eyes on the waterfall, waiting patiently for it to spit Wrecker and Hunter out of it. It didn’t take too terribly long until they tumbled out ass over teakettle and made their way to shore. “Why are we always almost drowning?” The sergeant grumbled, wet hair plastered to his forehead.

“I’m not.” Shiani smiled and gave him a hand up. 

“Thank you, Princess Smartass.” He couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Princess Illumai.” She corrected innocently, taking her tool bag from him and stepping back so he could give Tech and Omega their gear. 

“It’s a… nevermind.” He patted her head lightly. “Okay, Tech. What’s the plan.”

Tech pulled out a vial of ipsium and set to tapping on the wall near the hole, measuring thickness by sound and figuring out angles. Shiani watched him stack rocks and set the vial atop it before waving them all to move back behind cover. “This should have the required force to blast our way out.”

“How come you get to blow it up?” Wrecker complained.

“Because this shot must be precise, or we risk another cave in.” Tech muttered sternly. 

This time, Omega and Shiani looked at each other. There was a tiny change in Tech’s voice that Omega normally wouldn’t have noticed, but when the siren just nodded she realized she wasn’t imagining it. 

He’s thinking about Crosshair. He could have made the shot too.

Tech made the shot after another moment of mental calculation, and the aftershocks faded before any of them moved. Fortunately, there was no cave in or squished members of the family, and everyone stepped out into the sunlight. Shiani put her hands on her hips and took a deep breath, finally free of the stale smell of the inside of the mine. 

Tech put an arm around her waist, his binocs in the other hand. “The detour through the aqueduct has put us closer to the spaceport. It is just over the cliffside there.” 

“Hopefully there will be some food.” Wrecker grinned. 

Shiani nodded. “Nothing to hunt in that mine. I couldn't feel anything alive but us.” She was hungry too, but she had been hungrier before. 

They started walking, Omega taking a spot between Tech and Hunter. The sergeant smiled faintly. “You two okay now?”

Omega nodded. “We’re… learning each other’s language.” 

He put an arm around her. “Good.” His eyes darted up to Shiani, who had her arm wrapped around Tech’s middle as they walked together. She glanced over her shoulder and gave him a smile as well. 

They were all going to be fine.

The spaceport was abandoned, and judging by the dust and tattered cloth hanging from the derelict buildings it was not a recent development. Shiani scrunched her nose and looked around. “No food, Wrecker. And no ship to use.”

"So we came all this way for nothing?" Wrecker groaned.

"I can craft a long range transmitter with this equipment. It appears to be an abandoned communications array, so it would be a relatively quick repair.

"Might be a skiff or speeder I can fix up.” Shiani waved around at the scrap half buried in dust from the recent storm or similar weather. “It won’t make it off the planet but there’s got to be civilization somewhere.” 

Omega followed her to start scavenging, a familiar practice now. Shiani was good at it, Omega noted, as she pulled what looked like garbage up and pointed out the components the siren could make to get them a ride. “This is what you used to do under Tipoca, isn’t it?”

Shiani nodded. “There wasn’t as much useful stuff there, actually.” She handed the girl a stabilizer coupling to hold while she kept digging. “This looks like half of it was just abandoned, not broken first.”

“You think someone just left this stuff on purpose?” Omega blinked, examining the part with a smile.

“Between the weather and bandits? They might have just given up. Not everyone is as resilient as our family.” Shiani ruffled her hair fondly. “Look at you. We found scrap and you’re smiling again.”

“Well… I’m not mad at Tech anymore. Thanks, for helping me understand.” Omega hugged her around the waist, and Shiani grinned and picked her up in her tentacles, making her laugh as she rotated her over the siren’s head while she kept digging for parts.

"I have gotten the communication array functional, cyar’ika." Tech called. “We are going to try to make contact with Cid first.”

“Don’t think she’s gonna be helpful. She’s selfish.” Shiani sighed, setting Omega down to walk over to the group as they got the call through.

Shiani had hope she was wrong, but it didn’t seem like it. The trandoshan looked annoyed the minute she appeared on the holo, like they were wasting her time. "I've got a lot going on over here. You guys are going to have to figure it out on your own."

"Wait a minute, Cid. You sent us here." Hunter narrowed his eyes 

"And you had a ship when I did."

"Cid! You have to help us." Omega put her hands on her hips and sharpened her gaze, doing her best imitation of Hunter’s sergeant demeanor. 

"We did assist you getting your parlor back from Roland Durand, and with Mellegi-" Tech started. 

Shiani simply hissed sharply, mouth open and fangs on display. “Cid.” She said coldly, and the rest of the threat didn’t need translation. If Cid screwed them over, Shiani was going to make herself a personal problem. 

"Alright, alright. I'll see what I can do. Gimme a few days."

Hunter’s hiss matched Shiani’s. "We don't have the supplies for-"

Cid hung up. 

Wrecker groaned. "Now what do we do?"

"We figure it out, like we always do." Omega gave Tech a grin, and he smiled back.

“When we get back to Ord Mantell, I’m gonna bite her.” Shiani grumbled. “I’m about sick of her.”

“I’m starting to agree with you.” Hunter huffed. “But let’s get out of here first.”

[sturnioloshacker]

idk if it’s ok to vent to you but if it isn’t i completely understand and you just don’t have to respond to this, but lately my mom has been bringing up my dad so so much. like my dad is still present in my life but he has a new gf and he’s been leaving me in the past basically and never even seeing me, and my mom thinks it’s ok to bring up ‘oh he don’t love you’ n shit like that everytime she’s mad and it lowkey makes me js wanna pack my shit n leave. and i tried talking to her abt it and she gave me a shitty apology and brushed it off as if i don’t have feelings. and today was my dads wedding and i don’t have a car yet so she had to pick me up and before she picked me up she said ‘did you take any pics from the wedding’ and i said no so she said ‘ok then find a different way home.’ which is so unfair so i literally had to beg her to drive me home. and i’m honestly js thinking abt leaving tn, but like idk yet bc i still love my mom but she’s really not showing any ‘love’ back.

oh i’m so sorry you’re dealing with all of this my love. my best advice would be to try and talk to your mum and tell her how you’re really feeling and how much she’s hurting you.

no matter how much you wanna leave, you still need your mum as a form of guidance in life. it’s all about communication and making sure your mum understands where you’re coming from. tell her every single little detail.

she could also be hurting from the fact that your dad has moved on in life and she’s choosing to take her frustrations on someone else in her life which is sadly you. she may be finding it hard to adjust to this new life and now that your dad has remarried, she’s heartbroken, hurt, possibly depressed and just simply lost and the only thing she can really do is just be angry and upset.

the main thing is to just talk to her. you never know, she might actually open up to you and tell you how she feels about it all. the more feelings you let out between each other, the more likely you’ll become closer, stronger and tighter.

hope things work out for you and your mum sweetheart, you got this. i believe in you 🩷

fyi, vent all you want! i’m always here to listen and help when you need it most x

[aloeverified]

how do you think mitsuri and obanai would react/reacted when they found out about shinobus plan.

DEMON SLAYER MANGA SPOILERS ‼️

mitsuri would be really heartbroken and break down sobbing. if she found out before shinobu executed it, she would have tried to stop her and tell her there's other options — that the rest of the hashira would help support her if it meant she could live.

if she found out after shinobu already completed it, she'd do something similar but to a much more extreme degree. i think she'd be kinda of in shock for a moment before she just starts sobbing uncontrollably. i feel like a lot of people forget that shinobu has experienced loss as much as the rest of the hashira; her family was alive all her life and she hadn't really lost anyone important to her until rengoku. she wouldn't really know how to handle it.

iguro would be a bit understanding but also very upset. i think he'd initially get mad and frustrated and maybe even want to go and scream at her about how stupid she's being for throwing everything away over a stupid demon, but he'd so know deep down how much this means to her. he knows what it's like to truly hate someone for what they've done to you, so he can't really blame her for her plan even if it hurts him deeply.

as for finding out about her plan afterwards, i think he'd try to hold in all his feelings to try and comfort mitsuri but he wouldn't be able to keep his force from shaking or his hands from trembling and there's no way he could hold back his tears.

[thiagodasilva]

no dont shut up. speak your truth plss youre the only one around here talking sense

oh girl.

all I’m going to say is this:

the idea that this was all entirely one sided on the club’s part, that they forced him out and he never ever wanted to leave feels sooo exaggerated? brazen? reactionary? I don’t know if I missed anything, I’m so serious, because what we’ve heard for months (leading up to these last few weeks) is that contract negotiations were going nowhere and he ended up wanting to leave in the end because of proposed deals or lack thereof and the club was willing to sell. And we heard that from reliable sources (I only follow fabrizio because he just reports what he hears that he can verify and consistently provides updates. I mean. Mans is famous for being THE most consistently accurate and not putting a spin on things); the other few things I’ve seen have changed the story plenty of times and can come off so biased that you just gotta take it with a grain of salt-I mean take ALL of it as such, it’s the internet, we don’t know everything.

and because we don’t know everything, I’m not going to sit there and definitely say that the club is a never ending evil for “treating” him this way and forcing him to move-if there’s other shit behind the scenes others somehow have heard/know about that I personally have no idea, enlighten me I guess. contract deals went to hell, we don’t know 100% what he turned down or what he was offered etc etc, so I’m personally not going to jump to conclusions. What we DO know for sure is that he’s going to Man U to earn a bunch more money on a five year deal.

And there’s definitely a good chunk of the fanbase saying the same thing about him, that he’s all evil or whatever, so everyone is all over the place picking a front on whose worse but it’s like….none of us knew what went down for real. I don’t care how many “sources” you’ve seen on Twitter and Instagram, we weren’t there, we’re not in his head, we’re not in the board’s heads. So we don’t know who or what is “totally” at fault which is also kind of a juvenile way of looking at things because omigod the world and so many of its issues are GREY.

This has been such a shit year for Chelsea, the board has fucked up, the players have been going through it on and off the pitch, we’re losing almost everyone that we’ve had a bit of a foundation with. Change is here, and it’s frustrating and weird but we’re just fans, not the capitalist billionaires that make the groundbreaking decisions. But all sides of this fandom are coming at throats in the weirdest ways.

You can be upset, sad, mad, heartbroken, frustrated, annoyed but omigod if you’re a chelsea fan and you’re either: 1) wishing the club you support to struggle again next season because your fave is gone and you’re convinced they ruined everything under the sun OR 2) sending past and present players genuine hate or whatever bullshit for the situations going on….what the hell are you even doing here lol.

He’s gone on to another club, his business with Chelsea is done and you can mourn what was and what will never be but it’s bold to assume any of us know what’s up. I’m annoyed about how it all went and it’s bittersweet but I’m not going to damn him or the club over it. (I’ve damned this club and others over more serious bullshit let’s be real). *

I know it’s “just” football and you can be and do whatever you want but omigod. just. THINK for a second.

*and I’m very aware I react to things emotionally/dramatically with football and non football related things alike (that’s how it’s always been? But I’m not about wish death and destruction sincerely over shit that could have easily just been what it is? A business negotiation?) but I always do my best to take a step back and take another look. that’s all I’m trying to say basically.

[sincelastsession]

Mom got really shitty with me in the car and continued to fuss me about me trying to prove to her that these scammers that she speaks to are not real and I was trying to still explain to her that I was not trying to hurt her I was trying to help her avoid getting her heartbroken and that I did not want her to Live in a delusion where she thinks that these people are actually going to come and save her.

I understand what we spoke about in therapy.

I understand that sometimes when people are doing idiot things I just need to let them.

It was not ok for her to jump my ass after and be cruel about my partner possibly not being real and was he going to come see me? I have known him 7 or so years and been in a relationship 6 of those years. A background check was run. There's no script or scam. We both are poly. Neither of us can afford a visit. But we video chat and we have calls and message and Travis has spoken to him. He has never asked me for anything except when I asked him what he wanted for his birthday it was "trinkets" and he didn't want me to really spend more than 20bucks because he knows on ssi I don't get much and told me I didn't have to get him anything every other year. But I got him trinkets anyway and he went out and got a cigar box to keep them in and treasures what I chose to send.

I don't appreciate her questioning my relationship when she's talking to people that use her for large sums of money or promise her things if she commits fraud. I didn't want her to think a military general would need her to send him a dime for any reason. My uncle knows that general personally. My friend and his wife know of him and they were the experts to call. I was doing in my mind a protective thing.

To her it was obviously threatening her delusional happiness and plans to get money and a man to sweep her off her feet and buy her a country club home etc... my mother has always been after ANYTHING that could get her money or fancy things. My father paid of 60k of her credit card debt.

She's a psych nurse sure. But she's had to call me to ask me about mental health conditions because she doesn't know about it as much as she presented. She's only been at this job for a short while. She's done other nursing for many other things. I don't thing she's ignorant but I feel that no despite that being her job she doesn't always know what she's talking about.

She is elderly and she is very good at presenting herself as a strong smart professional and kind. But away from eyes of others she's very easily hooked to scams...like been doing publisher's clearinghouse and other types of mlm etc and diet scams etc other than romance scams.

I'm mad that I have to just do the "Let them" thing. I totally understand that it's needed now.

I actually was done with that and she's obviously still mad and threatened.

Both of my uncles are concerned despite drinking about her mental state with sort of things but they all fought and they're all at odds. At the time she had no problem with me calling anyone and didn't voice to me she was upset because I did check in to ask if she was.

This is one reason today I was sorta "wtf" because there were MANY other things to talk about. I'd asked if we could save harder stuff for a later session.

I do understand I need to learn "Let them" better. I do understand what you're frustrated with and it frustrates me too. My brain is going very fast. I've already heard and registered what you've said and it is a sort of agony waiting on people and holding thoughts. I'm not on adhd treatment. It was easier with the medication to hold thoughts and pause and allow people to know I was listening etc...

I still think there is something broken in my brain like autistic not clicking or other neurological.

I am very open to exploring ways to work around these challenges. If it's possible we will see how that goes.

For me big changes are scary.

Not using the correct words or tone is a problem I have that is a misunderstanding creator.

I explained why I use the terms I use. I've just been automatically learning and speaking this way my whole life. That imo is the autism. If we can work on that in a way I can wrap my head around what I'm not exactly seeing then cool.

There's a video or a few on here that showcases EXACTLY my frustration. I'll give you time to get to it.

Being neurodivergent and of different mind is a unique and frustrating experience I've always had but never understood.

Sometimes it feels like the whole wide world just doesn't understand me and wants me to be something that I cannot be or I don't know how to really really upsetting.

I would compare it to people not accepting that their children are queer and wanting to send them to conversion therapy instead of accepting that that's how they are.

I know that even with autism there are things that I probably do need to learn and work on but I'm really touchy about it and I'm really scared of change because I've had to find ways to be Comfortable and going out of my comfort zone is very very irrationally scary for me.

I am frustrated about the session which I expected to be really because I cause I don't know how to say what I'm feeling correctly and I keep being misunderstood and that is aggravating and I'm not mad at anyone really I'm just mad at the sitwaition of me having issues understanding and vice versa.

I do feel that you know you're excited to work with me and you know help me understand things better and change bad behaviors and tweak good behaviors to be even better or whatever the case.

Logically I understand all of it. Well as best I can. Emotionally I want to want to continue crying and scream and fight and all of that. I feel like I'm waiting on myself to get those feelings out of the way. Like they have to catch up with the logic and I don't know how to put it in any other way that's the best way I can put it I have a really hard time trying to explain things to people and I use metaphors a lot and sometimes that makes it worse.

The incessant talking and interrupting and I guess I don't know you seem to think it's from me not feeling hurt and the thing is I'm not like that with everybody. It has gotten worse and I don't know why. Possibly everything that's happening is all subconscious and I'm not consciously doing it. I'm trying to pay attention but I guess I'm not Recognizing I mean that's a total possibility.

I don't see how I was mean and that's frustrating. And of course outside of therapy you don't see how I got treated after therapy. And of course my mother was thrilled just like my father was thrilled to talk to you and it once again really did feel like I'm in the hot seat and I'm getting grilled and I know that that is not anybody's intention to make me feel any sort of way or I shouldn't really feel that way.

We can take a break from people coming in unless they call to make an appointment then I'm fine with that and I still want to continue therap one-on-one withh you but I am getting very burnt out on the interrupting subject and there's a million other things that I want to talk about and work on. Does feel like I'm going to have to tackle this before I do anything else and that is making me mad because I don't know if I can change it. It feels like I'm having 2 people please everyone and do everything in a certain way to fit in and 2 Make everyone happy. And I don't really know how to explain the rest in words.

I guess you could say that I am very rejection sensitive and there's probably big giant valid reasons for that due to trauma and bad events that have happened and events that have happened over and over and over again and I'm sure when I was out of the room my mother let you know things I guess I don't know and that's fine.

I get frustrated because I have this journal and I have the entire internet and I still am having problems trying to explain things because I read it and I'm like fuck that's not what I meant to say that looks this way he's possibly going to interpret it in a certain way and I'm worried about that and I understand that that thought process isn't so great either

And then there's the thing of doing cognitive behavior therapy and dialectical behavior therapy techniques with people who have complex PTSD or PTSD in general it can sometimes be very invalidating to our traumas and emotions and there's many articles on it.

Like to be honest when I journal I don't even like how I journal and it aggravates me so much but I'm trying to push through and not try and go back and shorten things or fix it or pour over it like an obsessive person trying to make it perfect for my therapist to read because then it would take me forever to express myself.

And it still takes a long time me just using Text-to-speech on my phone. Or just typing it out. So sometimes what I write looks like a fucking nightmare for anybody to read and I'm exhausted and I'm just not having the band with to go back and fix it.

And yes I'm extremely mean to myself nobody ever really needs to fuss at me or yell at me or even correct me unless it's something that's like super unobvious to me because I can see I just don't know what the hell to do about it other than apologize and continue to work on fixing it.

I do feel this gross unfairness that I'm the one that's been in therapy since I was a small child and you know the abuse that I have gone through not just from my parents has put like weights on me and I don't feel it's really fair I don't feel it's fair that I have to be in the water therapy but I am because no one else will do it and no 1 else can do Rap for me and I don't khow to do all of this in such a what feels like a short amount of time I have big issues with time sometimes times goes by really fast for me or really slow or I won't Miss A lot of time and I don't know where it went or what in the world I was doing that made the time go by so fast or if I was even mentally present during that time.

And I mean I'm at home I'm in my apartment I'm in my bed I'm in so much Pain. Physical pain.

There's not much I can do about it except bitch and be aggravated because it's just one more thing I have to deal with and smoking weed is not helping the pain and I don't have other pain medications I feel comfortable taking for it because I have never received proper pain management in my adult years I had a very good pain managemen a Doctor that is no longer practicing and we had everything to work it was working I wasn't having addiction issues I would take a piss test everything was fine and I had medicine for when I needed it for when I couldn't deal with it anymore.

And now I have the medical marijuana which is sometimes very enjoyable as a lot of people do enjoy it but I want to be more clear headed but sometimes I have to just fucking smoke or take a edible. It does often slow me down I've considered being like hey Joshua why don't we have a session where I Smoke out and get a ride to therapy and I ride home and I'm a lot slower when I'm stoned for pain or anxiety. And the thing is my anxiety medicine used to help a lot with the excessive talking and the anxiety but I'm in a flare.

And it seems like even though the Doctor has fussed at me to take the full 3 mg which I am trying to do but I don't like having to do it because I really don't want to fuck with my tolerance. Like that used to work really well but now you know I've been on it a long time it only seems to help like the other issues I have and it does sedate me but my anxiety and such my PTSD the things that caused me great disdress is on fire according to my Doctor and my primary care and The hypervigilance and theStress hormones and such seem to be overpowering the medicine. However if I did not take the medicine I would not be able to sit there and talk with you at all because I would probably be in the hospital screaming and being sedaided with heavy duty meds. It's all really frustrating.

It feels hard to just be a person.

And I don't think I'm like my father and I really don't like being compared to him I know that we have similar traits but I'm not my father I do not think like him I do not purposely act the way that he purposefully acts. And you know my father is kind of obsessed and my mom is sort of obsessed with me being like them. And they're obsessed with pointing this out to me and it makes me upset because I don't want to be a damn thing like them. Not with all the crazy shit I have experienced my entire life no fucking way. But I understand yeah they raised me of course I am going to be a little bit like them at least. And I do feel sometimes like I have some sort of stalk homes syndrome with them and I feel like I need their fucking approval and I'm so tired of having that feeling. I mean there's rare moments where I just don't give a fuck. But I wish I had more moments like that. Just letting people do the stupid thing is very difficult for me. Trying to talk to people about the stupid thing that they are doing that is bad for them and could potentially harm them or whatever the case is very very frustrating and difficult for me. I feel like certain message are cruel and other methods even though they're very direct and jarring to people I would rather just say something instead of spea fucking riddles and dance around the subject to where they have to guess and I don't understand really how neurotypical people speak.

I have always had trouble with that and I've always gotten like screamed at.

And you spoke about mirrors today and when I mirror people they don't like it but that's what I do sometimes because I don't know how else to act so I'm just trying to fit in and I think I'm doing what they're doing but obviously I'm not In some instances like clearly I'm failing at trying to mirror and mask And fit in with the rest of society because society is not built for people like me it's built for other people They do not have the same issues. And I spoke at length with my psychiatrist and his PA about how like 80% of the world is not nerd a Divergent and the other like 20% or whatever numbers that gave me you know we have a very difficult time and we're very intelligent and navigating through life is very hard and confusing.

I do understand how the DSM is very frustrating I don't even own a copy of it I wouldn't want to own a copy of it I have read other books about how they used to just diagnose everything as schizophrenia. I don't like that so I assume that that's the kind of aggravation that therapist feel like you mention.

And I tried to explain how I view it and why I speak the way I speak and II hope you understood that I am not trying to just use buzzwords and I don't even know what what you think about that but I'm not doing any sort of thing I've just always like picked up on what doctors were saying as a child and asked questions and started using that vinacular.

And Doctor Todd used to tell me that I would have to dumb myself down going to various doctors because they would be threatened by me using their language And it was very aggravating to them but he understood that it was just because I grew up in it and it became my special interes

I don't really want it to be my special interest but it just is I wish I could like bird watching or some other like Nish subject.

I wish I was obsessed with knowing things about something else honestly.

I mean I used to have a very large encyclopedia of knowledge about conspiracy theories and horses because I really loved horses growing up like obsessively and I had a pony growing up I was lucky it was a rescue was like a $100 pony and that was a good point in my life parts of that but my grandfather did not take care of it and it died and I'm still hurting from that even though my grandfather is dead and the horses dead etc.

And I used to take english writing and Western writing and I'm very good at it once I get back in the saddle and adjust back to it strangely enough I can't fucking ride a bike but I can ride a horse like a motherfucker. And I wish I could get into some sort of horse therapy for physical therapy type thing or just psychological type therapy actually looked up a traumatic therapist that used her horses for therapy unfortunately I think she quit practicing she was an older lady.

But also I could not ride if I wanted to right now because I am not small enough unless there's a draft horse. And I went off-topic so the following paragraphs are connected to earlier paragraphs.

I really was just trying to be assertive and I still don't see how I came across as mean because I was trying very hard to be kind and come across properly.

I do think that when I was in regions and between that time and after I got a concussion it sort of set my PTSD on fire and I had to calm down from that and I was doing pretty well and then the thing's following like you know last year did not really help me on the upswing because you know healing isn't linear. And I have theories that because I took myself off the pro's act that was making me horribly suicidal with the approval of my psychiatrist that the oc d and the other conditions I have that it was also possibly helping to treat could haveYou know not had the components of the medicine to calm that part down but also after I was in the car wreck that gave me the concussion I had a little bit of amnesia for a short period and it was little things and sometimes it's still a little things like there's people that come up to me and I have no idea who they are at time that's happened since. But I do know when your brain skaken and you have various conditions it fucks with those things. Not verbatim but the neurologist and my passed psych explained this. It was also Doctor Todd's understanding that it was probably a bit of everything and that the concussion did inflame it.

I'm feeling pretty bad and confused and misunderstood still. I don't understand why it's not clicking in my head. I'm definitely crying my face off.

You know I wanted to try and just shut up and let you catch up with my journaling and I know you're a speed reader but I told you I do type a lot I do talk a lot and I'm trying to like let it all out in the journal because it does feel like it helps to some extent I don't know what it's actually doing but I guess it's better than texting everybody and verbally telling everybody this over the phone which I know it's a lot of repeating and I don't know how to make that stop I have tried I have been trying it's been the bane of everyone's existence and my own for quite a while and I'm tired of it just as much as everybody else and I'm The one that has to live with it and I don't like living with it it's fucking irritating I just would love to be normal but I know that I'm not and I don't think that I will ever be normal but I would like to be better.

I do have a lot of triggers with therapy and I can't lie about that to you because that's something that you need to know I can't give you exact things. I don't know really how to articulate a lot when I really want to. If I figure out how to I'll explain it. I mean that's why I Post videos and info graphics because sometimes that's easier for me to communicate with. Sometimes just pictures and settings and art is easier to communicate with than words I have always been a visual spatial learner. If there was some way where we could use physical objects to explain things to me that might be very helpful. For example my last EMDR therapist used things that she would use with children and I don't know what they're called but she used that so I could explain shit to her.

Because I did talk a lot with her and that wasn't issue with therapy and I don't know how she helped me not do that.

I mean we did use the IFS system a lot and she did point out that the manager of the IFS system is the one that is talking so much and getting in the way of my core and I do not even know what my core is because it's very hard to talk to core because all the rest of the IFS system is guarding it and part of me even if I don't recognize it it's probably guarding Child me.

And I've done lots of inner child exercises but she's not there.

She's hiding somewhere and I can't find Her.

Or she's not there at all.

Sometimes it feels like my inner child is dead or never existed.

That makes me cry and makes me very mad.

Because I never really feel like I got to be a child

I didn't even like other children growing up I thought they were dumbasses I used to be in like second grade just sitting there watching people play and do what Normal elementary school kids do and I would get bullied for being Different of course because who doesn't and I just fucking hated other children I thought they were dumb as fuck and just disgusted by most of them and I thought that they were stupid

Not all of them but just if I'm generalizing. And how I grew up was very not great I mean I didn't get what I needed and being an adult I'm trying to pander to some of my inner child which I can't seem to find nor recognize if it is there like I think about buying Myself toys and things that I NEVER got to have or do things I'd NEVER got to do and Do That as an adult like I see a lot of people my age getting Back into

Because we have the adult money now and nobody can tell us that we can't go by the thing that we wan

But I have a budget so I can't really do that but I also own about a million hobbies because that's what happens I get bored I have to figure out something I get fascinated with a hobby I buy that thing and all the tools to do the hobby I start the hobby I get bored with it I try to find Something Else.

I'm worried that I'll never get better and I'll just always be this fuck up.

I mean because I've been abused so much it's hard for me to recognize if people are being kind to me unless it's very obvious and you know I do get defensive but what you saw was not really neat trying to be defensive it was just me saying something and it sounded that way to you and to my mother but to me it didn't And I'm sure if I had listened to myself recorded I might have been able to hear what you me I really didn't recognize what was mean.

I mean I know that the way I speak and we have always spoke has been pretty directed jarring for people and I've tried to adjust it and I've tried to please people and you know after a while I got fucking tired of it and just started talking how I talk and acting how I act because it got exhausting trying to police myself to make other people happy and then those people ended up hurting me anyway so why was I trying to make them happy what was the point It's just like

If my parents had a problem with my queerness or my relationship which they said they didn't have a problem with but obviously they do and that hurts. Because yes I have a hard time recognizing myself however I know that everything I do and say is somehow part of myself even though when I try to look at it I can't and I don't like that it bothers the fuck out of me

I mean when I was younger I saw the psychologist Doctor Carrie Mack and I don't know if you know about him. And he worked with me on cognitive behavior therapy and a lot of different things and I tried to get my parents involved with the cognitive behavior therapy because I wanted them to understand but then they just turned it around on me all the time and everything I did was wrong and I thought distortion and my feelings were invalidated because they would be thought distortions and not valid feelings for trauma as I went through So that's why it's a very confusing practice for me and so is DBT it's hard for me

And a lot of times things that I say that some of my excuses are just explanations to me.

I'm not trying to make excuses and try to make myself feel better and give people all this extra information to make myself feel better at least not consciously am I doing that I don't even really think that way. I think that's why I'm so confused about it is because I don't think that way and I don't know how to describe how my mind works so people can meet me halfway or be accommodating and it's a positive given take instead of me asking for help and then everybody kind of fucking resenting me

And that's exhausting for me andMental work is extremely exhausting.

And it's 705 PM and my neighbors have decided to all go outside down to the pool and start screaming and hollering and laughing and I can hear them talking about me and I can't prove it and I can't get out my phone and go on the balcony and sit there and record them because it's not going to help anything but still this whole situation is fucking distressing.

I would really like help finding a place that is good for me to live in other than this place I don't know if I can ask that of you I don't know what to do my mom and dad keep telling me to go to apartment complexes and call and talk to all these people myself but I don't know what I need to be asking etc

And then I'm worried about my ESA cat's litter mate who was the best buddy of Miss Spot who I had to take out of the gross fucked up environment into my home and give her the best last months of her life I could. That still hurts TREMENDOUSLY. I'm still VERY angry at my father and sister for the neglect.

All I want to do is go save the other cat now because my father's and sister's other cat are bullying him and he is a very beautiful shy sweet cat.

I'd like to move and go ahead and take him in. He was an ESA for me at home and does the same things my other two cats do to signal me.

And if it wasn't a good fit I foster with CABR and I know the foster coordinator and I know all the people over there and I could possibly find him a good fit of a home where he would get the love and Attention and calm environment and possibly be able to Help another person if it didn't Work Out with his old litter mate June or my Younger cat Griffin.

You know there's a lot of things on my mind other than just my family and the way I speak I mean there's a lot of puzzles and problems and things I'm trying to solve and it is all going on in my head at once and it is all very very overwhelming because it's a lot.

I feel spread very thin because I can't organize what's most important to do

I will often neglect myself to get things done that could wait

And I know that's not good.

I have many people I need to speak to and catch up with and I haven't been able to do that and I feel that they must think that I am an asshole and I don't want to lose connections with them because I'm having a hard time. And the thing is I've told them I'm having a hard time but I've been having a hard time for quite a long time and I feel like they don't really have the patience for waiting on me anymore and that hurt.

I really don't know how to speak to my old mentor Stephanie who is still friends with me because she doesn't understand me even though she tries very very hard to do so and she has her own mental health struggles and she's got grandchildren now and it makes me sad that we do not spend very much time together anymore and she often says very negative things to me and it hurts my feelings and Sometimes I wish I was more like her in the way that she just does stuff and doesn't fucking care about other people just like a large population Of people just only care about themselves in our self focused and I feel like I'm often the exact opposite of that.

I feel like I'm more focused on helping other people instead of myself because I'm better at helping other people than myself.

Just like you could put me in a messy room at someone else's house and I could clean it up and organize it but if you put me in my room it's a fucking nightmare for my brain

I'm one of aggravating things is I don't know how to talk without using certain terms and I don't really want to dumb myself down by trying to use simple terms but I know that I'm gonna have to do that in order to speak with your average everyday person that doesn't know so much about these things and did not have the experiences I had growing up and all that it's like having to be bilingual And I don't know like maybe another secret language a secret third thing that's what it always feels like it feels like it feels like it's just a secret third thing I don't know if you know what I mean by that.

Anyway I had some things that I was gonna say and I can't remember it now and I want to try and take a break and I don't know what I'm gonna do like I had plans but now I am kind of lost and I don't know what to get done

And I'm super fucking pissed at someone questioning my real legitimate relationship VS an imaginary one that's just a scam and I'm fucking mad about that still and I don't know how to get over being angry about that because I do not like people insulting the ones I love and I do not like people scamming people I love either and I do not like it that the people who are getting scammed get mad at me and do not understand What is going on and what I am trying to do to help them and just letting them makes me feel like a bad daughter. It's really distressing when mom comes to visit and she's giggling and smiling and speaking to her friend and that's not a real person that they say they are and I wish she would not pull her phone out to talk to those people around me because it does trigger me because I went through a lot of grief proving her wrong about 3 other instances of this.

And it put my sister through a lot of grief as well but she is better at not giving a fuck and blowing it off because she has the lovely brain of a 22-year-old and it's much easier when you're that age in my opinion to just not care and be all up your own ass

And I do wish that I could go back to my brain in my teenage and early 20s because I feel like I had the appropriate amount of no fucks given on certain subjects versus now

I was braver back then and now I'm scared to go to the grocery store alone

And that is not good and I don't like that at all and I'm no I'm not the only one because it's a common topic online with people there is even memes about it. But these sort of things I cannot stand and I'm tired of dealing with

It is frustrating seeing my sister fuck her life up and yeah none of this is in my circle of control absolutely none of my family is in my circle of control. And they are triggers and I love them any way even though they've hurt me very very badly. And I feel very rejected by them and a lot of people because people don't understand me.

I do feel more understood by other people who are similar to me because I think that those kind of people like me communicate the same way.

Like some other autistic people I know understand exactly what I mean and I don't feel the urge to repeat. I feel comfy and I actually relax talking with them.

Matthew the past person not to be confused with my ldr...was autistic and adhd. They felt like home and it was EXTREMELY easy to communicate with them about everything. Sometimes I have fantasies that they will divorce the wife and come get me. But I know that's a very unlikely scenario.

Matt and me want to be close. He's grieving things and being vulnerable with me and clear and learning and I think we're doing well on being supportive and clear with one another.

I do wish he would visit but I have insecurities that I'm sure he has that it won't feel the same in person or what if there's no in person chemistry and I know he has worries about his social circle wondering why he is in Louisiana. He's private and doesn't want to be nagged by friends and family who would find out and flip. They already don't like his other partner Kathleen because she is married. Her husband and Matt are just friends though they hang out. They aren't in a relationship afaik. So those ppl that had fits about her wouldn't respond well to me. However he has told me that there are a small circle of people that do know about me because I asked because I was like hey you know I'm not jealous I'm just curious but do you talk about me like you talk to me about how much you love Kathleen and he answered and said yes he just doesn't really talk to a large amount of people because he made the mistake of doing that with Kathleen and he got a lot of shit for it. And he doesn't want to go through that again and I can understand why he doesn't want me to be in the spotlight and people to be trying to add me as a friend or question my motives and my feelings for him like they did with his other partner. And their relationship is completely separate than mine and his and it doesn't really bug me too much because I mean it just doesn't I don't know how to explain that like I don't feel jealousy like other people do in my opinion. Like I've been jealous before but it didn't last very long like not even a full day. The longest I've ever been angry and jealous with him about another person was aspeak and then I got over it 1 day I was just like what I was just like whatever fuck it. I understand that he has a stronger connection with her since she's there and he sees her all the time. Like physical connection. And you know I've been talking to him about the same amount of time andI think that we have a beautiful emotional connection and when we did have a long distance toy we did have a decent long distance physical connection but those fuckers have very faulty mechanics and break very easily and aren't cheap to replace and I gave up on it for a bit because it's not within my budget and he bought the first one and so I would need to buy the second 1 and honestly I don't feel that the sexuality is very necessary and nor does he right now like we're both just not feeling eager to be sexual In a long distance manner howeverIt doesn't mean that that effects are dominant submissive relationship which is not supersexual either. Sometimes we have moments but it's not like other people I know that fuck like rabbits. It's not like that kind of thing. It's sort of unique unto its own. And I tried to explain to my mother the reason that I hadn't flown to see him and he hadn't flown to see me is because we are not in good places in our lives to do that and we both have big stupid fears and we both do want to do that it's just not the right time. And I don't view it as an excuse he has been very clear and so have I. I feel like it's a healthy relationship even though it's long distance and I am threatened and pissed that it was brought in to question by my mother today just as much as he was angry when his mother and father disapproved of his relationship with someone who is married already.

I mean he has expressed that he wants me to get enough attention from someone here because he can't be here to do that for me he wants me to get my needs met but I can't really find anybody here that I'm comfortable with right now other than my ex-boyfriend who is acting strange since he got s over and seems to be hanging out with people that I find to be still unhealthy for him but he is much younger than me. So that I don't know if it will ever be a thing again because we have gone from friends with benefits to dating back to friends with benefits and then he was out of the country for a year teaching english and he was very miserable and he came back and it was friends with benefits and then at 1 point he decided to put me in best friend zone or whatever the case and I was like OK and I accepted it even though it was sad And I did tell him that if he changed his mind to let me know and then the week's following he gave me very mixed signals because he would flirt with me Very obviously and I would be shy and then not realize that he was trying to get it on with me. And now when we see each other in public it is just very awkward and it used to not be and I don't understand. I mean he's sober now and I wouldn't change that I'm very happy for him but I miss the way he was vulnerable when he was drunk all the time. I don't want him to drink again though. And he's the only guy in Baton Rouge that I think I would allow to touch me at this point in time. Probably the only man in this state.

I mean I'm getting really sick of my pamentioning that I should date Travis and I should try out stuff with him when me and Travis are like you no thank you we are basically siblings that's incestuous disgusting no fucking thank you. He's not my type and I'm not his type we get along great as friends and I'd like to keep it that way.

Then I have Justin who cannot follow my boundaries of I will contact you when I am doing better and we can hang out and talk and be friends. Instead he is texting me random things and I am not replying because I am pissed off that he has crossed those boundaries. He is pushing those boundaries just like he tried to push me to have sex and I am very mad about that still. Because yes I understand that men just get hard for no reason or when they're turned on sometimes I get it I understand that but when you're cuddling with somebody and you're like poking your Dick into their butt on purpose and then pretending like you're not doing it on purpose that is violating. Because I've cuddled with many men and if that happened with them and they knew that we were not going to be having sex they would excuse themselves to the restroom and take care of the problem so it would not bother me.

I mean Matthew was asexual and would often have that happen and my ex-boyfriend would have that happened and I would not want to do anything other than cuddle and they would not ask to do anything further and they would be respectful.

And I am still very bothered by Justin because it's like I did really want to be friends with him and try out a little relationship but he did not understand me at all and he was very pushy and he would put things on me and so now trying to have a friendship with him feels very weird because he's nothing like he was when we had our little fling when we were younger he has something wrong with him there is something off

And when I say that there's something wrong there's something off it's in the eyes. His eyes scare the fuck out of me now they are not the same eyes I remember. And you know when people say that all of their exes were crazy that's a giant red flag because how can his past 2 ex-girlfriends be crazy when you know I heard all of the information and I feel like there's lots of missing you know plot holes. And I thought that it was gonna be a thing that worked out and we could date and things like that but as soon as he learned that I would not be giving him sex he quit treating me as nicely and he had a tantrum about reading a book about polyamory and I'm just like what's wrong with just learning about it then I thought that you were okay with that and he was like no I was gonna be that for you and I'm like that's not a good thing you don't try to be polyamorous for someone when you're not built that way. He was very threatening to my relationship with Matt and he was very disrespectful towards him and I don't like that.

I wish I could just well I actually could break the boundary and try and talk to Matthew because there's things I still want clarity on and I know that Matthew doesn't hate me but I don't want to cause upheaval in their marriage.

I mean he lied to me. And he holds himself at fault and he has apologized and I have forgiven him even though it was very hard and even though I still get angry about it I forgave him because I understand. It is pretty frustrating that You know he stayed in the marriage for his children and I know that he still can't stand his wife and that relationship but he's just faking it for his children until they are older.

I know this to be true because one of his best male friends is actually banned from hanging out with him alone as well because his wife's psychotic. She doesn't want him hanging out with anyone no matter what gender they are other than her and the kids and his family. However he and his guy friend who I also know did meet up at some point and he was able to communicate with them to relate to me that he was not happily with her he was just doing it for the kids. And they were separated at the time that me and him had an asexualCuddle buddy watch movies eat pizza sort of relationship. And he had lied to me about things to do with her but not about the abusive things that she did because I heard many voice calls of her just verbally abusing the crap out of him and it took everything for me not to pipe up and say something really awful to her. I mean I even helped him look for divorce attorneys because he was just ready to end the marriage.

And then at some point he decided that it was going to be terrible for his children and he quit with the idea of ending the relationship and started to go to couples therapy with her and they became no longer separated and that is what the lying was about.

And she was more angry with him And told me that it wasn't my fault and she didn't blame me and she just asked if I had sex with her husband and I said nope and we never did and all that ever happened is he kissed me and I was honest with her and she has control over his phone and he is not allowed to use it to talk to anyone around her but I suspect that he has another phone or when he goes to his mother's house Where he has a room there when he can't stand to be around his wife is when he gets on tik tok And He will like everything I repost or he will like the tiktok that I make. And I did have a very short conversation with him on there and I felt bad for breaking that boundary and I haven't spoken to him since but I talked to him to get clarity about something and he sent me a paragraph that was very scripted. But it gave me the clarity I needed and it seems like that's never going to be a thing and I am grieving that. And I was never involved with them to be a homewrecker I really did think that they were going to get a divorce and it didn't start off as a romantic thing at all we were friends first and he made those moves. But it really wasn't many moves to make because we were just so comfortable around one another and there was no sex there was curious kisses basically because he didn't really like that too much and I didn't care because that's not really super important to me if it's somebody I care about like there's toys I wouldn't die.

And I don't know I need to just shut up for a while but I keep talking because I'm stressed out and I need to get certain things out of my system.

I mean right now as I speak my neighbors are outside in the pool purposefully hollering and screaming and it is very distressing to me and when I came home to that bullshit yesterday it was very upsetting to the point my mom had to come spend the night and I feel shit about that but I am scared. To come home today and have those neighbors glaring at me near my apartment eating chips the same chips that we're in the fucking astray Was very telling that they are the ones that were responsible for touching and fucking with my property and that means they have no respect for me or others or others property and they don't care about anything and they don't understand what the word courtesy means and it's really interesting because they're muslims and Muslim people like real Muslim people who practice religiously do not act like that from my experience. Like I don't know I suppose it's the same thing with christians and Christianity I don't follow either of those really because I don't think that I need an imaginary friend to have good morals and values. I don't doubt that there's some sort of higher power of some form butI don't subscribe to made up imaginary friend religions that are more new than anything els Like I mean there's ancient religions that you know how to a female and in history it seems like a lot of the female dynamics in religion have been erased and that's fucked up

Anyway I'm off-topic again always it seems. But yeah my neighbors are outside being extremely loud and screaming on purpose because I think the office let them know that I had PTSD and I think they're just now torturing me aside from fucking with my shit to get back at me.

I cannot wait to move and I am so scared that I'm going to lose it before I get to move.

I wish I could just have a sit down talk with office mediation with those neighbors so I could explain to them that I don't actually have any problem with them as people I just would not like to hear them screaming and hollering and being very trashy all times of day. And I know with apartments you get a mixed bag of neighbors but you know my neighbors before even a fucking drug dealer we're super polite and super courteous. And it doesn't have to be this way at all and I think you know if the courtesy officer sat down and the office manager sat down and I sat down and so did the occupants of that apartment and I just explained that like Hey you're really loud and it's difficult for me to get any rest when I'm hearing screaming and nobody else around the complex does this because I go on walk sometimes when I can make myself get out of the apartment and I've never had this problem in the past 5 years with anybody that lives here. Just mostly people off the street and people off the street jumping the fence to get in the pool which would be loud because they would treat it like a public pool instead of a private residential pool.

It also sort of disturbs me that people have their kids playing in the pool by themselves outside past 8 PM at night II don't know what sort of parenting that is but I think it's pretty fucking stupid and 1 day they're going to end up Walking out there and one of their children will be drowning and no 1 is going to get down there fast enough or something.

I know it's a lot of my control is just frustrating and I need to vent

[bishiglomper]

I was upset this morning with my bitching about the nephew and Bro noticed i was awake and came and layed on my bed with me

"How are you?"

"Irritated"

(Tried to explain i was irritated with the nephew)

"Did he pee on the seat again?"

"No, his behavior. Treating us like. Yeah"

"I thought he was in the room.."

And i tried to explain, no, last night- I'm just not over it

But at that point I'm twice as frustrated and about to cry so I'm just like "Go away. I'm irritated more, I want to be alone. Just go away please"

Like even then i tried to have my tone say im not mad at YOU but i need to be alone now. I am not verbally articulate! Especially when I'm upset. He left sounding a little confused but thankfully not heartbroken, so...

But i feel so bad now

Especially since I kind of forgot its his birthday today 😭

I'll need to make it up later with cuddles or something 👀💦

[asgardian--angels]

hey you know that quote where frodo’s all ‘I wish it had not come to me, I wish none of this had happened’ 

yeah im feelin that rn @ the entire state of this chaotic malicious world 

[luveline]

stick with me - remus getting very distracted by a book and r taking it as the silent treatement and feeling miserable until he realises? thank you <3

thank you so much for your request! hope this is ok <3<3<3

Remus has been giving you the cold shoulder all day, and you can't work out what you've done. He's silent now, sitting on your worn sofa, a book splayed open between his thighs. 

You've been hard pushed to get a word out of him since this morning. This is your last hope. You're wound like a tight coil, biting back the shining of tears that threaten to break past your lash line as you sit down on the sofa cushion besides his. He doesn't say a word. He leans forward as you slide toward him, and you press your face gently into his corded back, waiting for a familiar arm to wrap itself around you. His arm doesn't come. 

You're devastated immediately. Your eyes glaze over and you stare at the wall opposite, racking your brain for what you could've done to upset him. Remus has never, ever done this to you before. So what have you done?

The first sob is gentle, you can't help it. Tears run down your cheeks and you screw your eyes closed, fingers searching the plane of his back for comfort he won't give. You inhale shakily. 

His back stiffens. His shoulders tense. Remus lifts his head from the pages of his book and looks over his shoulder at you before raising his arm in the air, effectively forcing you to sit up properly. 

"I'm sorry," you whisper, looking down at your hands where they shake in your lap. 

His book slips shut. A big hand tentatively climbs your arm until long fingers work under the neckline of your shirt. 

"What's wrong?" Remus asks, thick brows furrowed.

"I'm really sorry," you apologise again. 

"I don't understand." He shifts closer, presses your shoulder into his chest. "Why are you crying?" 

"You're not speaking to me." 

"Baby." 

"I won't do it again." 

"You haven't done anything," he says softly, as though his words are made of silk. 

You sniffle, wiping your wet cheeks with a frustrated hand. His eyes are upset where they scan your features, eyebrows pinched up, a little crease between them. 

"You've nothing to be sorry for. Have I missed something?" he asks in concern. 

"You're not speaking to me." 

"I'm sorry." His second arm moves, hand brought up to your face tenderly. He tilts your head back, forcing tears to halt where they'd been preparing to traverse down the slopes of your face. He wipes them away, one by one, looking tortured. "I'm sorry. Don't cry." 

"You're mad at me," you say, though you're so confused by his soft touch it comes out like a question. 

He shakes his head hurriedly. "No." 

Your mouth opens but the anxiety of an entire day walking on eggshells and trying to get back into his good graces has left you deflated, and you find yourself speechless. 

Remus looks heartbroken. "Baby, I'm sorry. You haven't done anything wrong, I've just been so caught up in that book, I- I didn't realise. Please don't cry." 

His hand is warm on your face. You move into it, staring at him through heavy lashes. 

"You're not angry?" 

"No," he says quickly. 

"Oh," you say, letting out a wet laugh. "Are you sure?" 

"I promise... You want a cwtch?" 

You nod so rapidly you almost snap your neck, forcing yourself into his open arms as he sits against the sofa cushion to bring you in. His arms cross over your back and pull where your arms are loose around his neck, damp face pushed into his collar.

He rubs firm lines of pressure up your spine, lips quick to kiss your hair. "Should'a said something." 

"I didn't want to make it worse." 

He hums. "Please don't cry over me. I'm a complete idiot." 

"Everything's okay?" 

"'Cept for your tears," he murmurs. 

He ducks his head to look at you, hand stroking your hair back from your face. 

You move your arms around him, readjusting to get ever closer, and knock the armrest with your elbow. His novel falls to the floor and you flinch back. "I'm-" 

He shushes you gently. "Hey, it's just a book. No more apologies, yeah? Don't want any from you. It can stay there for all I care."

"Were you at a good part?" you ask, feeling better now in his arms.

"Don't care. This is much better." 

You feel yourself flush at his corny compliment, chest aflame where it kisses his. He looks a little smug underneath his worry. 

"You think you're so smooth," you whisper scornfully, bowing back into the juncture of his neck so he can't see your smile; it'll give you away. 

He feels it on his skin. "I know I'm smooth," he says, and you both descend into giggles coloured by a dizzying relief.