#he’s not dead ofc I just wanted to make a funny

[lydcruz]

rip to the vampire Armand you would’ve loved Phantom Thread (2017)

[19871997]

.

[lcriedlastnight]

Hi can i pls request a lando x reader where he mentions in many interviews that he wants an army of kids and the camara always pans to other drivers teasing reader

ofc you can baby <33 thanks for helping me celebrate! here's that kiss i promised xoxo

requests are open!

852 words.

it wasn't unknown that lando wanted kids. it's not like he went out of his way to to talk about having children either, he just went on half an hour tangents anytime an interviewer brought up the topic is all. you didn't find out just how many until you decided to ask him about it one night, not long after lando had gotten slandered on twitter for being 'obsessed' with having a mini version of himself running around.

"so.. you know how you've said you want kids?" you start, voice a little hesitant knowing he was a bit peeved about the bullying he was getting online for that very thing. if looks could kill you swear you would be a dead girl.

"don't you start." he groans, eyes rolling so hard to the of his head you thought they may get stuck.

lando, who had just gotten ready for bed, slips in beside you and you immediately know he's not actually pissed off at you because he is pulling your arm to get you as close to him as he physically could.

"i don't mean it like that, i just wanted to ask you about it." lando watches as you strain your neck up to be able to see his reaction from your very comfortable position on his chest. it does bring the smallest of smiles to his lips.

with a joking sigh he asks "what do you want to know?".

"well, i guess the most important one is-"

"if i want them with you?" lando interrupts, sending your brows into your hairline. you smack him on the back of the head and he just laughs like it was actually funny. dickhead.

"no! how many you want. but now i don't want any with you if they're going to turn out like you." you cross your arms over your chest, trying to convince him you actually were in a huff. a strong hand running down your front seconds after ruins your plans for any further annoyance though.

lando hums in thought before he answers your question. his hand now drawing random shapes on your hip bone.

"you're going to hate me when i say this, but i only really wanted a few maybe two max? but being with you? i want minimum four."

your gasp makes him wince. you're shocked, there is no way he is actually being serious. you tell him as much but he shakes his head and assures you just how serious he is.

"honestly baby. i want a big family with you."

his words may or may not rile you and you guys maybe get started on that big family that night, but you don't kiss and tell..

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱

lando wasn't to hold back on his thoughts or feelings and with his rants about wanting to start a family were proof of this, well you had thought so. the next time you're at the paddock is the next time he's asked about starting a family. you're watching from the side with max and oscar as he gets interviewed and you can see the say his whole face lights up at the question, as if racing was a chore he was getting forced to do every few weekends and not the second favourite part of his life.

lando takes a quick glance in your direction before he starts and it's like your conversation on the topic opened the floodgates in lando's mind as he reveals his every thought on having a baby or two or ten.

"me and my girlfriend were talking about this and it made me realise i want a full on norris army of children behind me. i want minimum four with my girl. ideally two of each but wouldn't even complain if all i had was girls because then that means that there would be so much more of my girl out there in the world, and little parts of me i guess too." lando's smile is splitting and the interviewer smiles back at him, loving seeing him being so open and honest about it.

"would you encourage your little ones to get involved in karting and racing?" she enquires. you can already picture taking your imaginary children along to watch lando in his races. it does make your heart skip a beat or two.

as the interview continues, unbeknown to you and the other two drivers who are making kissy faces at pretending to cradle a child in their arms just to tease you and how much lando was infatuated with the idea of kids with you, the camera pans in your direction to get a nice reaction shot to your boyfriend's words.

all they capture is your bright red face, from the teasing and lando blunt words, and the boys childish behaviour.

that night is then filled with lando teasing (and comforting) you as it was now your turn to get teased on twitter, millions of fans already making your reaction a meme. you knew you'd never live it down and a small part of you was excited to explain the video and reaction picture to those future kids.

[arcadian-vampire]

How to not be anxious about upcoming therapy appt: Start a project relating to your special interest, so you end up glancing at the clock feeling more annoyed than anything else

[bl00d1nk]

ꜱʟᴀꜱʜᴇʀ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴɴᴏɴꜱ; ᵈᵃᵗⁱⁿᵍ ᵗʰᵉᵐ

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:

​🇨​​🇭​​🇦​​🇷​​🇦​​🇨​​🇹​​🇪​​🇷​​🇸​: brahms heelshire, patrick bateman, herbert west

​🇼​​🇦​​🇷​​🇳​​🇮​​🇳​​🇬​​🇸​: slashers ofc, brahms lack of hygiene, brahms being possesive, brahms stalking you basically,patrick being a dick, vauge nsfw in patricks, dead people obvi, body snatching, also not read over so if theres any mistakes whoopsies

​🇦​​🇺​​🇹​​🇭​​🇴​​🇷​​🇸​ ​🇳​​🇴​​🇹​​🇪​: first time writing for slashers omds + writing for the first time properly in like a year so teehee also lemme know if you want this for other slashers :PPP also i tried to write this v gn but idk if i acc did so pls gimme suggestions on how to keep everything in my writing inclusive plsss!!! also if ur wondering what "w/" means it just means with im just too lazy to write with teehee

¬𝙱𝚁𝙰𝙷𝙼𝚂 𝙷𝙴𝙴𝙻𝚂𝙷𝙸𝚁𝙴¬

𖦹 stinky

𖦹 i dont mean that in a funny way like this man fucking REEKS

𖦹 this means you will have to get him to wash himself

𖦹 only perk of that is showering n bathing w/ him, its a real big part of your relationship

𖦹 he likes it because hes close to you and it gives him a lot of comfort and feels really cared for if you wash his hair for him + likes the feeling of your fingers massaging his scalp

𖦹 he likes leaving things he thinks you'll like all around the house

𖦹 he found a crusty ass ring he'll think you'll like?KABOOSH!!!!! its on the bathroom counter

𖦹 he also doesn't take too kindly to anyone you talk to that isn't him, he gets really jealous n upset over that

𖦹 this makes him extremly bratty unfortunately

𖦹 prepare for him being in the walls and banging on them for hours on end to piss you off and placing that stupid doll everywhere just to get a scare out of you

𖦹 will literally refuse to do anything for you

𖦹 buttt you can make it up to him by telling him theres nothing to worry about n making him a wee sandwich + giving him kisses, easy peasy squeeze the lemon (im really hoping some of yous got that reference)

𖦹 brahms also likes cuddling

𖦹 a lot

𖦹 you're sitting down reading or on your phone? not without him on your lap nuzzing into your neck having a wee nap

𖦹 you might end up with dead legs by the end of it but hey! it was worth it

𖦹 probably......

𖦹 he just stares at you a lot but dw! not in a creepy way (from his perspective at least), he's just admiring your beauty

𖦹 really likes it when you read to him + it puts him to sleep

𖦹 also loves it when you brush his hair, surprise surprise it also puts him to sleep

𖦹 CLINGY!!!!!!!!! so very very very very CLINGY

𖦹 if you leave the room for a second he will follow doesnt matter if he knows where you're going he will follow

𖦹 gets so upset if you leave during cuddling even if its to pee

𖦹 he will whine n grasp n tug at what you're wearing in an attempt to get you to stay w/ him

𖦹 the time he spends following n watching you could be stalking atp

𖦹 seperation anxiety? he knows her, very well

𖦹 will cry if you leave the house until you come back, n the moment you do he practically jumps you, crying and wailing into your shoulder begging you not to leave him ever again

𖦹 will have no intentions of letting go of you for the rest of the day

𖦹 he also really like sleeping in the same bed w/ you

𖦹 he likes that he knows you're there, you can tuck him in, read to him, cuddle him, give him forehead kisses n comfort him in case he has a nightmare or vice versca

𖦹 n e ways 8.5/10 -1 for stinkyness, -0.5 for well him being him ig

¬𝙿𝙰𝚃𝚁𝙸𝙲𝙺 𝙱𝙰𝚃𝙴𝙼𝙰𝙽¬

𖦹 before i get into this one i actually hate patrick bateman w/ a burning passion for very obvious reasons so i struggled HARD w/ this

𖦹 alr so we all saw that les mis poster in the opening scene so he deffo would bring you along to watch any high end musicals w/ him

𖦹 SKINCARE!!!!!!!!! he has a whole ass ROUTINE which he will explain to you in great detail and explain why the water has to be a certain temp n why this needs to be put on this way n that needs to be put on that way

𖦹 would let you do skincare on him but beware that he will check the entire ingredients list before you put it on his face

𖦹 its rather boring to listen to but he looks so proud of himself while explaining it, how could you not listen?????

𖦹 he spoils you rotten like its acc so bad

𖦹 you wanted those fancy ass pairs of shoes? they're already in your hands

𖦹 you want a reservation at dorsia? you've got one

𖦹 you literally want anything in the world? you'll have it before you even know you want it

𖦹 he obviously doesn't like people apart from himself so when he found the slightest bit of attraction to you he immediatley became infatuated with you and your life

𖦹 why were you making him feel this way? how were you making him feel this way? was it sorcery? was he going insane? yeah

𖦹 suprise suprise this did lead him to asking you out which led you up to here getting whatever you want

𖦹 hes a jealous fucker i can tell you that

𖦹 especially when he sees you within a 6ft distance of paul allen

𖦹 he storms over and makes some passive aggresive comment toward the two of you and then tries to keep himself cool w/ some swanky inner monologue and eventually drags you away because he "needed to talk to you"

𖦹 spoiler alert, he didn't

𖦹 all this leads to is some rather lewd acts back at his apartment as he tries to reassure himself that he's much better than paul allen and taunts you asking if you think paul allen could make you feel this way

𖦹 rants on to you about his music collection and explains how he thinks this song led them to stardom and someone was an idiot for not releasing this and that as a single and not putting these songs in this album and yadayadaya

𖦹 great if you actually are bothered to listen to him rant on for ages horrific if you aren't, gets quite offended if you don't show much interest in his music

𖦹 i get if if you don't tho, its really something...

𖦹 we all know this man is a complete germaphobe so be absolutley horrifically aware of that unless you fancy getting yelled at

𖦹 he love love LOVESS watching texas chainsaw massacare with you, he loves it when you twos just sit there in silence and cuddle while watching people get brutally attacked n chased, how romantic!

𖦹 finds it funny when you grimace or go 'oh my god' at any brutal scene in it

𖦹 touchy

𖦹 v e r y t o u c h y

𖦹 at any public event he always has a hand snaked around your waist or has his arm linked in yours

𖦹 even in is apartment he still has that hand snaked aorund your waist

𖦹 not a fan of kissing bc he's a germaphobe but because he knows were you've been most of the time he dislikes it a little less

𖦹 prefers giving forehead kisses tho as its quick and much more hygenic than lips

𖦹 god that was tough to write but overall, 7.5/10, -2.5 for being himself. i hate him too much to give him a better rating so ja

¬𝙷𝙴𝚁𝙱𝙴𝚁𝚃 𝚆𝙴𝚂𝚃¬

𖦹 i am so horrendously excited to write this because for the last like 4 days i have not stopped thinking about reanimator, i eat sleep breath the franchise, and herbert west is such a giggle so teehee

𖦹 alright if you're not in the science field or have any connection to dan hes probably not going to take an interest in you as you're not one of his areas of interest

𖦹 if you are in the category of herbert wests interests well done! he tolerates you

𖦹 like patrick would notice how weird he felt around you and would probably blame it on 'primal urges' ew

𖦹 he would most likely ignore them until he can't, and it eventually all bubbles over and he just can't resist inviting you to his basement of wonders

𖦹 he just watches you intently the entire time your there much like brahms does, also not in a creepy way (in his eyes) just admiring you

𖦹 he probably goes on a rather detailed explanation of his work and what he did to get here

𖦹 if you ever feel a lil faint abt all that stuff he just puts a reassuring hand on your shoulder cuz hes a lil awkward

𖦹 lowkey enlists you alongside dan to go steal bodies and experiment on them

𖦹 if you ever get attacked by one of the re-animated he literally doesn't leave your side, mainly to see the severity of your injuries to examine the strength of the reanimated and the other tiny bit because he cares for you

𖦹 has shit talking sessions about dr hill w/ you, it mainly consists of him getting rather heated over the fact he plagiarizes his work and ya know the whole 6-12 mins thing

𖦹 is very clingy with you when dr hill is around as he doesn't want him to make any creepy ass remarks about you so he sticks to your side like he sticks to his research

𖦹 really appreciates is when you cook for him as he's a total basement dweller and doesn't leave it for food

𖦹 so lets say you actually did make something for him he would be really surprised and would be rather amused that you care enough to make him something and he'll gladly eat it

𖦹 also doesn't sleep a lot, so if and when he comes up from the basement he will be taking a nap on you

𖦹 speaking of him taking naps, he'll just plonk on top of you when he wants to take a nap so

𖦹 yay!!!

𖦹 like patrick with music herbert will rant on about science to you

𖦹 at any time, like you could be in bed ready to finally sleep and then he starts rambling about the R.E.M cycle and how benificial sleep is for the body yet he gets absolutley NONE

𖦹 isn't very good at expressing affection for you bc he's herbert so those naps and his rants are actually his way of showing he rlly likes you

𖦹 kissing isn't his favourite thing in the world bc of germs and stuff, so he presses quick kisses to your forehead, nose and cheek such a gentleman

𖦹 but, when herberts all whiny and annoyed at life he will be down for a cheeky make out sesh

𖦹 he gets very flustered after it which is pretty funny to watch so he usually distracts himself with science

𖦹 i genuinely couldn't tell you if he would use petnames or not

𖦹 will use your name 99.9999999999% of the time, just maybe will call you darling

𖦹 just maybe.....

𖦹 n e ways dunno what else to write so 8.9/10, -1.1 for being a body snatcher ig

omds that was so hard and I was gonna add more characters but i kinda got lazy but PLEEEAAAASSEEEE lemme know what you guys thought ty :3

[wmnwntmefshfrme]

I FINISHED THEM. I DID IT. WOOHOO (crying)

edit: putting myself back in the trenches, more extreme though since i'm making character sheets LMAOAOA

design notes:

Yaira: nothing changed

Estrella: dead mom ponytail gone </3 i only did it in the og drawing of her bc its funny

Robin: ROBINNNN. IM SO SORRY I FORGOT THE PUFF BUNS UUEHEHHHHH- anyway, when i was planning out the designs for the other named npcs, i was like "why the hell are there so many gingers" so i made her have blue hair :3 to match with her confidence stat :3 also gave her yellow/orange eyes instead of green bc there were also a lot of green eyed npcs

Sydney: SKUNK HAIR. I DUNNO HOW I FORGOT ABOUT THAT YUMMY DYE STYLE. SYDNEY IM SORRY. i completely forgot i wanted to still have her natural hair (also just made pink bc teehee i like whimsy) to show

Whitney: not much changed besides the hair style. completely forgot i wanted her to be super gyaru OTL. gave her cheek piercings bc they're cute :3

Kylar: i lowkey started to not like how i did her hair originally and then came across all the sketches i made for the LIs and was like FLUFFY KY :3 ofc had to keep the emo bangs :3

Avery: nothing changed LMAOAOA

Great Hawk: FEATHER HAIR. I FORGOT I MADE A SKETCH FOR FEATHER-LIKE HAIR FOR HER. IM MAD AT MYSELF.

Black Wolf: not much changed, just made her hair longer bc why not

Alex: not much changed, just made he hair more of a red red, darkened her skin, altered her bangs, and changed the color of her bandana. still wanted to keep her looking like a cutie patootie

Eden: I ACCIDENTALLY GAVE HER A GIANT FOREHEAD THE FIRST TIME AND I DIDN'T MEAN TO SOBBING. not much changed though, just made her hair darker and have a green tint to it. look im trying to make my designs have lots of whimsy

Quinn: you can tell with Quinn LMAO. i just felt like she needed to have a distinct look since she's a special npc n all :3 classic purple and green color scheme for a shady character

Bailey: i'm gonna be honest, i was originally gonna go with a mean asian mom look for Bailey but then i was like "....what if muscle mommy"

Remy: i wanted her to look like a little shit. that's all

Briar: tried to go for a bit of a Jessica Rabbit and Rarity type aura. i really like her design and she could put me in the underground brothel any day :3 /j

Leighton: just an old hag, nothing special

Harper: wanted to make her look a little inhuman??? i think i got it with how dead her skin looks idk. also wanted her to look like a little shit

Landry: here's where the asian mom look went. i like her and Mickey's dynamic and they both just look like regular people (better for crime)

Sirris: Sydney if she was older. idk what else i should've done lol

River: old lady :3 hot old lady :3c (pt 1)

Doren: i wanted her hair to look fluffy as hell

Winter: old lady :3 hot old lady :3c (pt 2)

Mason: SEAWEED HAIR. that's all

Charlie: wanted to embody :3c

Darryl: she's very cutie patootie to me so i made her a cute patootie

Sam: wanted her to look like candy kinda. idk :3

Niki: i only made her hair a little longer and no weird two layer thing for the short portion

Zephyr: wanted her to look smug and also kinda cute???? idk, i didn't really have a vision for her

Jordan: also didn't really have a vision for her, but it did want her to gave similar eyes to Quinn

Gwylan: her i did have a vision for :3c she's a cutie patootie, that's all :3

Wren: thought a side shave would make her look cooler

Mickey: hairstyle changed a little. other than that, not much changed

Morgan: still a wet rat

Ivory Wraith: nothing changed (they have special eyes tho)

[broshot]

chubby girl chasers??? (jjk men who would LOVE to have a chubby gf!!) part 1 (part 2 link here and it's also at the end)

cw/tw: mentions of body image issues, mentions of nsfw in some (all??) parts, all characters are of age, (idk what else to put but english isn't my first language so sorry for bad writing)

---

gojo satoru

if you've ever seen my posts you could've guessed this tbh (I live love laugh gojo) he's so lovely

would hype you up NONSTOP and oh my gosh if you decide to wear more revealing clothes (or clothes that cling to your body) he'd be ON HIS KNEES worshipping you tbh

he just loves your plush and soft body SOO MUCH (he loves you as a person more ofc) but the way he can just come home after a long day and lay his head (or his whole body..) on top of you, he absolutely loves it. he loves all of you, seriously, he sees nothing wrong with you. you're perfect and he definitely tells you that too. not a day goes by without him calling you perfect.

and he loves when you dress up. tight clothes are his favourite because they allow him to see your perfect figure, and don't worry, no one would even have a chance to say anything bad about you or even look at you in a non-positive way. he's the strongest, he'll personally make sure that no one can make you feel bad about yourself.

missionary is his go to position. he wants to see your gorgeous body and gorgeous face as he fucks into you. you feel waaaay too good around him, he thinks he's lucky to be the one who gets to fuck you. you look so beautiful under him (you always look beautiful) and he's so lucky to be the only one who gets to see you like that. he's a praiser in and out of the bedroom, I swear. and if you wrap your legs around his lower body.. he loses it.

(read these fics (fic 1 is my personal fav) if you wanna know how I picture gojo in bed: fic 1, fic 2)

---

toji fushiguro

OH he would just love grabbing your plush thighs as he buries his face in between them and eats you out. would make you sit on his face (doesn't care about suffocating, he's strong so you don't weigh anything to him really). would love laying on your soft thighs and your stomach (makes you play w his hair, he's such a softie for you).

if you're insecure about yourself because of your body he'd praise the shit out of you (he'd praise you no matter what you're insecure about, if you're insecure). bro would surprisingly be your personal hype man tbh

"what did you just say about my gorgeous girlfriend? repeat that and you're dead." no one is allowed to say anything bad about you (there's nothing bad in you ((except for him, get it, nothing bad in you and he's bad and he's in you.. yeah not funny is it)) so why would anyone have the right to say anything bad). he makes you wear clothes you want to wear, makes sure you can have the style you want to have because no one should have the right to make you feel uncomfortable in clothes that you love. if you want to wear the tightest clothes there is, do it! he makes sure no one says anything to offend you or make you feel bad. he's famous of being capable of THINGS :heart: so no one would even dare to say anything but positive things about you- there's nothing but positive things about you.

---

yuuta okkotsu

bro was in love with a curse I don't think he really cares about looks LMAOO no but this man would literally love you more than anything. your weight is not a problem for him, why would it be? he loves everything about you, your personality, voice, looks, humor, style.. just everything.

his favourite thing is to fall asleep on top of you (his head is usually on top of your chest, stomach or thighs. I don't make the rules, he LOVES falling asleep on you. he's shy with his words tbh but he hypes you up despite that. you're insecure about your body? why? you're perfect, what is there to hate? he doesn't get it, you're the most gorgeous human being in the whole world. (prettier than everything else too, don't get me wrong). and he definitely will tell you what he thinks about you. endless praising tbh

he loves when you ride him; the feeling of your thighs on each side of him as he fucks his hips upwards into you?? he's in heaven, overstimulated by the pleasure and he loves it. will definitely tell you too (I'm a whiny submissive yuuta believer, he whimpers). he loves how soft you feel inside (and outside). he'll def massage your thighs when you ride him (or at least grab them).

---

megumi fushiguro

are we surprised? no we're not!

fav hypeman! he'd literally blush whenever he sees you, you're just way too out of his league (he thinks you're too gorgeous to be in love with someone like him) and he's your boyfriend?? he's the luckiest man alive.

he loves how you look all the time, especially when you're confident. if anyone dares to make you feel insecure about yourself, they will face the consequences. and trust me, no one wants to face those consequences (they're both painful and awfully humiliating. megumi knows how to make people regret things). he's shy about his feelings tbh but you'll hear endless compliments from him. he compliments you when he first sees you in the morning and throughout the day too. there won't be a day when he doesn't compliment you. he loves to see you when you're confident and loves to make you feel confident too.

and he loves your hands; he loves how they feel, he loves how they look.. he just loves your hands SO MUCH. he loves holding them and caressing them and kissing them. he loves how they feel and look around his dick...

he loves kissing you. his hands will be caressing you while his lips are sealed onto yours. if his hand is on the back of your neck, he'll softly pinch it (he loves the extra softness on it, I hope yall know what this means). he'll pinch your back too, your thighs, the sides of your stomach.. it'll definitely be a bit ticklish but you can't blame him, he loves everything about you way too much.

---

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I love chubby chasers tbh (I love chubby women pls) also I don't really like how this fic turned out but that's okay (it makes me wanna cry tbh but I hope yall enjoy!!!)

I got lazy so lmk if you want a part 2 (I have a lot of characters in mind for this)

[buckevantommy]

gimme a crack fic where they accidentally(?) kill gerrard and have to cover it up. like. everyone is sick of the guy obvs but they've tried removing him as captain with no luck so they're intent on making his life hell while he's around - laxatives in his coffee, only having vegan food in the kitchen, etc. type of stuff. but then they find gerrard dead and everyone is like: ok which one of you finally killed the guy?? and we get flashbacks of everyone doing something that indavertantly led to gerrard's death; i don't know what specifically but some of it is probably illegal or at least against firehouse policy - but it was for personal reasons or for a call, nothing to do with gerrard - and other stuff was just completely unwitting happenstance. and everyone wonders if what they did was the thing that killed him, and they're piecing it all together and realising: oh shit did we all kill him?? a comedy of errors. and it looks bad. i mean, objectively it could be seen as an accident but if someone were to look close enough it looks like a carefully planned murder made to look like an accident and they're all complicit. and i want the folks outside the firehouse to be a mix of clueless then clued-in then helping run interference like: gimme maddie diverting calls, karen bringing her expertise and self to the table somehow, tommy knows his engines, and ofc there's athena who has no qualms covering shit up to protect her firefam. it's a team effort all around and there are numerous close calls - maybe they even moved his body from the firehouse to a construction site or something, everyone bickering as they try to figure out the best way to do it, and at one point they put him down and he just- rolls away down a hill or something and they have to scurry after his body. gimme comedy, i want the crack but treated semi serioiusly. and then when all is said and done and the death is ruled an accident and bobby gets reinstated as captain, right at the end something surfaces that was forgotten about like maybe ravi (who was absent for the whole thing) finds a severed finger under the engine in the firehouse and is like: umm, guys? and it's gerrard's finger of course and it's just deer-in-headlights looks all round and someone chimes in with: that's a funny story, actually..

and bonus: we get ravi after storytime be like: huh. yknow i would've thought the rat poison (or whathaveyou) i put in his coffee woulda done the trick. and everyone has this realisation of: OH it was RAVI. anyway it's a happy ending and ravi drops the finger in the trash as they all head out when the alarm sounds.

[thegnomelord]

for the prompt game, if it's still open, maybe 8 with Ghost? maybe with hatefucking and at the point you're both at it's basically a routine but all of the nasty words and cruel moments are really just because you're both brutes that have trouble expressing emotions properly, and all you really want is just some kind of deeper connection with each other, but with your shitty use of words, arguing and eventual growling into into his mouth as you shove him down onto the nearest flat surface is the only way for you to get that. and perhaapps at one point, one of you, reader or ghost doesn't matter, let's something softer and more caring slip through the angry facade? ofc if you already have one for 8 or you just don't like this idea you can im really sorry and you can ignore me, no pressure and I love all your writing :')) <3

Okay anon holy shit this is GOOD! You should think of writing yourself like what I'm seeing in this prompt is good shit :D Play the game HERE

Prompt: "If this is a joke it isn't funny."

CW: NSFW, Sub Bot Ghost, Dom Top MReader, hatefucking, degradation, confessions, soft sex,

It always starts the same; Simon's roughly patting your shoulder and telling you to not cock it up, your equally harsh response for him to keep up with you, rough voices hiding the unsaid 'be careful's. Insults like 'dumbass', 'moron', 'dead weight' crackling over the radio when the other's pinned down by fire, the electric static and suppression fire muting the worry in your voice, the hint of care in Simon's tone.

And it always ends the same; harsh stares across the room while you debrief Price, casualty numbers turning into critiques of the other— you should have noticed the terrorist, Simon should have kept the sniper in mind — prickling barbs and venomed words turning into shoves and punches, leaving bruises on each other's skin instead of the kisses you want to lay down.

Soap loves comparing you to dogs, and that's what you are— animals; talking would kill you both so you end up expressing yourselves through teeth and claws. There's blood on your tongue as you push Simon onto the bed and he pulls you down with his teeth digging into your bottom lip, rough fingers pulling away clothes only to push into bruised flesh, drawing hisses and growls.

'I want you' Ghost wants to say, instead "Stop being a pussy," comes out, blunt nails dragging deep scratches down your back. 'I'm happy you're alive' "You fuck as bad as you fight." Simon tastes blood as he kisses you, both of you struggling to pin the other to the bed.

"Shut up." 'I missed you' you snarl and pin him on his front, trapping his massive arms behind his back so he has no support, his head pushed into the pillows and arse high in the air, your thigh parting his legs. You huff a laugh when you see his cock already hard, hanging uselessly between his thighs. "Slag, good for nothing but taking it up the ass." 'I care for you'.

'You're important to me' Simon swallows the blood and spit in his mouth, jerking in a half-hearted attempt to free himself. "'least ah have a use," he growls, chest stuttering for breath as you bear down even more weight on him. You push your fingers into his mouth to wet them and Simon bites down, loving you with his teeth first, the sting of pain binding you together.

"Yeah, as a cocksleeve." 'I'm sorry' You don't give him a warning, just pull your fingers from his mouth and push into his ass. It's only enough lube to not tear him, but the stretch hurts, burns, and Simon both loves and hates how this roughness makes his cock hard and heart flutter.

"That-hah-" Ghost pants into the sheets, eyes prickling with tears with how he tries to keep them open, body forced to submit to you as your fingers stretch him, fuck him, tenderly brushing against his prostate before pushing to the last knuckle, pain and pleasure burning up his spine. "-that's not true."

Pulling out your fingers you give him a sharp slap on his ass, "Sure is," You use what saliva you have on your hand to wet your cock, swirling the drool in your mouth before you spitting right on his hole for extra wetness, your sudden action making his spasming hole clench and relax reflexively. "Look at how you're clenching." You mount him, pushing your weight down on him until he can barely breathe, cock bobbing against his hole. "Acting like such a bitch!"

You ram in him to put emphasis on the word and Simon bites his tongue so hard it bleeds, resisting letting any noises out. He's never vocal in bed, no matter how hard you fuck him, how many bruises your hips leave on his ass or how many hickeys you lay on his throat, how often your balls slap against his, he never utters more than a low groan.

But he wants to; good god Simon wants to tell you how good you feel, how every brush of your cockhead against his prostate has him seeing stars, how much he loves feeling you pound into him, who bodies bound into one by such a primal connection. . . but he can't, his mouth clamps up when he tries and even if he manages to spit something out it just comes out as venom, earning him firm slaps on his ass and your weight bearing further down on him.

You spill into him, pinning him so hard beneath your weight he can barely breathe, only remembering to rub him into an orgasm when your balls are good and empty, cock plugging his hole full of your cum. Your hands are harsh, his panting ringing in your ears until his cock twitches and he cums onto the sheets beneath him, whole body shaking to hold his moans in.

You collapse onto him, just enough sense in your head to roll you two onto your sides so he isn't laying in his spend or suffocating beneath you. Uncomfortable silence rings in your ears as you pant, bile churning in your stomach; This is your usual, soon enough Simon will tell you to shove off, he'll get up, take a piss, and leave.

And this song and dance will repeat until one of you dies.

Even without sight you feel Simon open his mouth, vestiges of harsh words burning on his tongue. Maybe it's post-orgasmic bliss that makes you speak, "Hey," Your hands tighten around his middle, "Stay the night." You curl around him like a lover; something you know you're not.

He shuts his mouth so quickly you hear the 'click' of his teeth, whole body freezing because this is as new for him as it is for you. "If this is a joke," He growls, turns his head just enough for you to catch his glare. "It's not funny."

Your tongue burns with the usual words— 'Only joke here is you' — but you don't, instead a slow and low "I'm not kidding." escapes you, like something forbidden, something to keep secret lest you get divine punishment.

Simon's mind buffers like an old computer, too many thoughts stuffing his head that he can't understand a single one. This is too far removed from the usual, hummingbirds knocking on his skull as a warning. But his body relaxes while he's still thinking, a stagnant breath escaping his lungs. "Fine."

You think of saying something, but it's better not to. Instead you huddle closer to him, still connected in a carnal way but now it feels so much more. . . intimate. Your hands wander over his toros, a gentle exploration instead of a race for release, your fingers carding through his body hair down his happy trail and up again.

Simon's head tils back to give you access to his neck, your lips soft against his skin as you kiss the bruises you'd left, both of your bodies slowly moving to close the small space between you two, urged to share your warmth.

You shift your hips, only realizing you're hard again when Simon moans. Moans. "Sorry," You duck your head, hands gripping his hips to pull out but he stops you, a rough sound in his throat.

"No," Simon doesn't look at you though the blush across his face is easy to spot. "Keep going," Tilting his hips back into yours tears a moan from both of you. Your cum eases the slide in, his walls stretched and pliant, wetly sucking you in like a needy thing.

Another time you'd have laughed at how desperate he's acting, but the low moans and a little "Fuck, just like that," you earn by rolling your hips has your mind shutting off. You can't believe how vocal he's suddenly become, getting louder the slower and gentler you move your hips, your cock slowly pushing in and out of his hole.

You bury your head in his neck and blindly stroke his leaking cock, kissing the skin under your lips, your eyes closed shut as you thrust into him slowly, your tender and slow movements pulling moan after moan out of him. His hand winds back to cup the back of your neck, pulling you up just enough to give you an awkward kiss but it's sweet and raw and so desperate—

You don't notice he's cumming until his walls clamp down on you, Simon whispering "I love you," so soft and quiet under his breath that you don't hear him, too busy filling him up a second time, but your mind buzzes with warmth all the same.

You lay as you were, somehow so exhausted that even moving an inch is anathema to you. Both of you, it seems, if the way Simon's back is warm and pliant against your chest, his breathing slow and steady. Tomorrow you'll need to talk (or do your best substitution of it), but for tonight, you can hug him close and finally have an answer to what it would feel like to have him close without the sex, to just be with him. . .

[mybelovedwoo]

choi jongho as boyfriend - headcanon

headcanon, romance, fluff, smut

gn!reader x bf!atz

wc. ~ 0.8k

an: happy jongho day everyone!! i hope you enjoy this one

you can request headcanons if you want to (please only headcanons)!! if you want to be tagged in any of my fics you can apply here <3

masterlist

-the understanding, protective boyfriend who somehow know exactly what you think or feel without even saying it out loud

-he would be very shy around you at first, just because he likes you so so much, but over some time he would get more and more comfortable, and you guys not only would be the best couple but are literally best friends (he giggles in tiny a lot)

-also would be shy every time someone (his hyungs) starts to talk about you, they would probably tease him on purpose, they loves seeing their little one all flustered and red, whines "hyuuunnggg" so they would stop embarassing him

-he also would be shy to initiate any skinship around people, but when you are alone he is the most clingy little teddy bear in the world, and you just love it so much

-would playfight with you sometimes, but is literally so careful to not hurt you even by accident, he treats you like the most valuable treasure, like you are made out of glass, just like san did, but he is more careful because he knows he can be hard to deal with sometimes, he doesn't want to hurt your feelings ever

-he buys you food all the time, he doesn't care if you say your not hungry, you're gonna eat! it's just one of his love languages, he knows you can forget about yourself sometimes, so he's always there to take care of you

-his attention is always on you, he makes you feel like you are the center of his universe, and you truly are

-he likes long talks with you about anything and everything, especially at night maybe with a bottle of beer or soju, this is where you can connect in a deeper level

 -kisses with him would be passionate always, as i said before he would kiss you just when it's just the two of you there and no one else, he would grab your face or hug you close to him, he either likes little pecks or long ass make out sessions, no in between

-clings on you all the damn time (the only skinship he does in public too), hugs you from behind and never let's go of you, probably because he likes it that he can tease you like this

-sending you memes 24/7, he is the funniest boyfriend ever, "y/n open what i sent you, i wanna see your reaction" and would giggle next to you seeing all the faces you make about his dumb (but funny) memes

-he's super chill, like he never gets jealous because he trusts you with all his heart, but still got the dead stare when someone tries to flirt with you

-ofc coffee dates are your favorites, especially in a cold weather because you know when your hands gets cold he would take it and put it in his pocket and would hold them there

-i can't imagine him calling anything other then your name, maybe when he feels all lovey-dovey he would call you honey but that's the best he can do

-loves it when you wear one of his shirts when you sleep over at his place (would not wash it and would sleep in it the next day because it has you smell on it)

-when things get though for you, he is there and never leaves your side, always listens to you and gives the best advice

-waking up with him is not easy at all, clings to you and doesn't let you get out of the bed

nsfw +18!!!

-listen listen he is a dom no question (but not a hard dom, but not as soft as san either), but sometimes he likes it when you take control and take care of him, he think it's super hot

-he likes to take it slow and sensual, so foreplay is a must for him, where he can tease you as he wants, likes both loving and playful sex

-it's quite surprising but his sex drive is high, and it is far more meaningful than a quick release of energy

-he's okay with quickies sometimes tho, but they don't fulfill him nearly as much, especially as his love of foreplay and kissing

-he is a vanilla lover, a good missionary where he can hide in the crook of your neck or can watch your beautiful face

-it would 90% start with a long makeout session or cuddling session

-turn-ons for him, pure and simple things, naked bodies, rubbing, mutual masturbation, oral sex, your arousal, and you guys's special connection is enough for him sometimes

-biggest turn-offs is rushing probably, as i said before he likes to take it slow, and doesn't really like someone impatient

-as i said before communication is really important in your relationship, so this is no exception in bed either, you guys talk a lot during it

-he likes big cuddling sessions after it, sometimes you two fall asleep right then and there

[majoryeager104]

ℜ𝔢𝔥𝔞𝔟𝔦𝔩𝔦𝔱𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫 | 𝔈𝔫𝔬𝔲𝔤𝔥

002

𝑴𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕

“𝐼 𝑓𝑒𝑎𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑖𝑛 𝑚𝑦 𝑒𝑎𝑔𝑒𝑟𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑢𝑎𝑑𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢， 𝐼 𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑝𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒．𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝑖𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑒𝑑 𝐼 𝑟𝑒𝑔𝑟𝑒𝑡 𝑖𝑡“

－ 𝑗． 𝑟． 𝑟． 𝑡．

Summary: an au where Touya was taken into custody after his initial fight with Shoto. Currently, he’s being taken care of in the hospital while you and his family make preparations to keep him at home with you.

Warnings: Language, loooots of angst in this one, mentions of abuse and violence and arson (ofc), mentions of implied s*icide

Touya Todoroki x gn!childhood friend reader

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It had been a few days since you’d spoken with Touya about these new arrangements, and he’d been surprised to receive a few visits after you- Rei, Fuyumi, Shoto. He wondered at some point if would visit him too, but he then figured that his little brother most likely didn’t care to see him. Who would want to? Really, he was a murderer and a villain, so why bother. Why was any of this happening? Why try? He couldn’t wrap his head around it. Why couldn’t they just let him die?

Constant check ins from doctors, constant medications, constant frustration at his current situation. That was the life he’d been living since being taken in.

Well, mostly.

Because every day, he got to look forward to a visit from you. It wasn’t so bad after the initial tension faded away, talking to you while stuck in his cramped little room in the hospital, with a small window to the right of his bed so that the birds chirping outside could keep him company.

But you could see on his face every day that this arrangement was getting to him in the worst way. Sitting with his anger, in the silence of his locked room, it was maddening, at least for him. Every time a doctor walked in, every single one of them looked disgusted and angry, or worse, flat out scared. On one hand he was used to this, on the other hand he didn’t want to be.

Touya’s voice came out as a mumbled growl as the last physician for the day left, a look of disdain on his face the entire time he had been there.

“Next time that dickwit rolls his eyes at me I’ll burn him alive.”

“Touya that’s not funny-”

“Well that’s good because I’m not joking.”

Touya snapped with such frustration that the tension in his voice could snap a person in two should emotion be a physical thing. But lucky for you, it wasn’t, and yet his fiery tone still made you wince. He sat in his hospital bed, a sharp frown on his face, brows knit impossibly close together, and your thoughts were confirmed- he was getting increasingly agitated by his current situation. And yet, you couldn’t blame him.

Your voice, unlike his, came out soft, your fingers tugging mindlessly against your pantleg, the same way you’d done previously the last time he got this agitated.

“just give me some time, Touya, we need to make preparations for you to come stay with me, and then you won’t have to deal with him anymore-”

”wouldn’t have to deal with him either way if I was dead.”

Touya said this with a chuckle, but meanwhile you froze in place, looking up at him with wide eyes. He caught your look, his jaw clenching. “Touya… you shouldn’t joke like that-”

“ONCE AGAIN, IM NOT FUCKING JOKING, Y/N!”

His booming voice and loss of temper caused you to flinch, averting your gaze from the shock. Your mouth opened and closed a few times while you tried to speak, but you couldn’t. Nothing would come out. He watched you, wild eyed and breathing heavier now, all of a sudden those blue eyes became so menacing to you.

For a moment you thought the yelling was over, but he continued with the same force despite himself, his already sore throat aching under his rage, but he was too blinded by his frustrations to care.

“IVE SPENT YEARS TRYING TO BREAK FREE FROM MY FAMILY, AND YOU’RE NOT ONLY DRAGGING ME BACK INTO THAT HELLHOLE, BUT YOU’RE ALSO EXPECTING ME TO BE ALL CALM ABOUT IT!? GIVE ME A BREAK.”

You said nothing, your wide eyes finally meeting his as you helplessly accepted his barrage of truths you had previously been too preoccupied to face. So busy trying to save him, and yet from what he was saying, saving him was the last thing he’d wanted.

“YOU SHOULD’VE JUST LET ME DIE. IM SICK OF TRYING TO EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU IM NOT WORTH SAVING. GET THAT THROUGH YOUR DAMN HEAD…”

He trailed off, his gaze softening slightly as you broke eye contact, looking down. He’d spotted a flicker of tears in your eyes as you did so, and he wasn’t sure if he should keep going, or make you leave. All of a sudden, his rage-fueled resolve was crumbling beneath him.

“Don’t… Don’t start crying… it’s fucking annoying… just…”

He flinched under his own words, knowing how hurtful they sounded, but he’d had enough. All he wanted now was to be left alone with the sound of those damn birds out the window. Out of your presence, away from that heartbroken and scared look on your face that he wished he hadn’t put there. He couldn’t leave, he knew that, so upsetting you till you did was his only option. He’d had enough.

“leave...please…I’m done.”

He’d expected, from the way you flinched now when he spoke, and the way those little tears dripped from your downturned face into your lap, that you’d leave without saying a word. But instead, you wiped your eyes, and looked back up at him, your sad watery eyes now far more determined. Your once soft voice came out shaky, and fragile, but at the same time, it held the same convictions written on your face. “I’ll go, for now…I’m not gonna leave you here. Not ever.”

His eyes widened slightly as you moved closer, sitting on his bed now. He’d seen this look in your eyes before- back in the holding cell a few days ago. You were really gonna do it weren’t you?

You were gonna save him. One way or the other.

You sat in silence, holding his scarred hands for what to him felt like ages, before finally, you placed a kiss on his forehead. Your lips lingered a moment, and Touya couldn’t help but let his his eyes flutter shut. He hadn’t realized how touch starved he’d been until he felt your lips brush against his skin once more, but as soon as you were there, you were gone, walking towards the door.

“I’m gonna run downstairs and grab some snacks…I’ll be back soon Touya”

and with that, and the click of the door, he was left in the cold silence of his own regret, just like he wanted.

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[peacheesex]

×+×+×+ Random Death the Kid splurbs +×+×+×

/Reader's Gender/: Irrelevant, not mentioned

/SFW ofc/

Honestly just me simping for this boy, I simply adore him! He's just so funny>< My cringe, 2000s - 2010s mindset just eats up all the very angsty content that is just a beautiful snapshot of the era! I wish I could have just have been old enough to have experienced it myself T^T

_______________________________________

MMMMM THIS BOY HAS NO DARN RIGHT BEING THIS /FINE/.

Okay but seriously how did you land him, I want clear cut directions and instructions.

All the girls (and even some boys👁👁) are INCREDIBLY jealous of you. Kid's the cutest boy in the school!

/And/ he is Lord Death's son! Literally just about every girl is seething at you when you walk past them, biting on their shirt/dress collars all angry like.

If I had to guess, it was probably you who asked him out.

He may be absolutely gorgeous, stunning, and have a silver tongue but that doesn't exactly mean he knows how to use any of it....

What I'm saying is is guy is /awkward/ with a capital A.

Sweetheart with good intentions once you get to his core and can find a way to look past his obsession with folding toilet paper, but still awkward regardless.

So whether you boldly walked up to him and declared your love with a bouquet of roses and dramatic lighting and music or you were stumbling over your words, on the verge of crying and soiling your pants, and just giving up and running away- you were still the one to ask him out first.

Depending on how you asked I can see him responding in a plethora of ways but my favourite is dead ass looking you in the eye and saying "Even though I'm asymmetrical garbage?" while a singular tear just dramatically trails down his cheek.

Realistically he probably just said yes at first cuz he had nothing better to do. Or if you were the ladder option of the before, probably felt bad.

But the more time you guys hung out the more he found himself beginning to actually /like/ like you.

Maybe you were helping him snap back into focus during his episodes- or maybe you were trying to make him happy by dressing as symmetrically as you could and folding your toilet paper. (Even if it wasn't perfect, it's the sentiment that counted for him this time.)

At first, it just felt weird when you weren't around and he would find himself thinking about you in those situations. But then he started finding himself actively seeking you out when you weren't there.

He would be having a perfectly normal Sunday and then he would find a picture that reminded him of you in a magazine or maybe saw a shirt in the clothes store's window that he thought you would look cute in.

Then he would begin to wonder what you were doing at that moment. He would find himself missing your presence. And when he noticed this, he immediately denied it.

He just agreed to hang out cuz he felt bad/was bored, right? /Right?/

But it kept happening, more and more. It began to happen when he was on missions, he would get distracted and slip up. Okay, this wasn't working out. He needed to do something about this.

He asked you to partner with him on missions.

Let's assume you're a weapon in this scenario. (If you're a meister you just go with him with your own weapon.)

His excuse was "Well if Liz or Patty is out of commission, I can't fight. And since you're a set of perfectly symmetrical twin blades you would make for an excellent back up."

So you started going on missions with him, a lot.

But one time, Patty got sick. So just you and Kid went on the mission while Liz stayed home to take care of her.

This started happening more and more. (Not the Patty getting sick part, although she did probably get sick off of eating crayons regularly a few times.)

At this point, you were essentially going on as many solo missions with him that he had gone on and goes on with Liz and Patty.

But what really made him realise that he does actually like.... /like/ like you was when the two of you resonated souls.

It was weird, being able to hear each other's unfiltered thoughts.

He learned about a lot of weird things that go on inside your head after that- but that's besides the point.

Point being, with how easily the two of you resonated souls without having ever practised before was kind of the last nudge he needed before he decided to stop running from and denying his genuine feelings for you.

He didn't really change much after that, after all you don't exactly become a new person immediately after he acknowledged his feelings, but he did seem a lot happier once he came to terms with it; lot less tense at least.

He seemed a lot less hesitant when asking you out for a spot of tea and was /a lot/ less hesitant when touching you. Of course he still isn't /huge/ on PDA outside of hand holding, but he doesn't feel the need to slather his hands in hand sanitizer after holding yours and doesn't ask you where you've been before hugging you.

That and he doesn't do the awkward side hug anymore, he iniates actual hugs now. Not often, like I said he isn't much into PDA and probably- no, /definitely/ doesn't like his clothes wrinkled but.... maybe he doesn't mind so much when it's you.

After all, he /does/ love you.

And you fold the toilet paper for him.

[winterwhisperz-blog]

Hey i just read your touchstarved headcanons and I LOVE IT!!!

And Here’s my request is that can you do a scenario of TS boys with MC who can speak different languages??? (like Italian or French)

Don’t worry i am a patient person and I won’t rush you. And i hope you’ll make more scenarios of the TS boys in be future.

YES HI HELLO !! I am, SO SO SORRY for taking two thousand centuries to respond to this—I’ve been pretty stressed over work so I haven’t been able to write headcanons as much— BUT TYSM FOR THE ASK !! IM SO HAPPY YOUVE ENJOYED MY HEADCANONS !

I do want to apologize in advance that these are going to be shorter and less one-shot like, than my others. These will be more like my Kuras Headcanons I made awhile ago—(Life has been kicking my butt lately so my motivation has been LOW)

But I hope you still enjoy them !!

Also huuuuge thanks to @danyvhell-writes

For helping me with these ideas !! You’re a saint 🙏

ALR LES GO

Note: gn reader! Fluff

Warnings: PROBABLY OOC PLS DONT HATE ME

Ais

ALR ALR AHAHAHAHA

So, one of my besties would do this A LOT where she would just switch into Spanish and I’d just be there like ???

So I thought it would be funny if you did that with Ais here

Imagine you’re in some kind of argument, a stupid, light one you know— and to annoy him

YOU JUST SWITCH INTO A WHOLE DIFFERENT LANGUAGE

He’s completely stunned, red eyes wide as you just start rambling, (very passionately) in a language he doesn’t understand

As you go on though, he just becomes utterly impressed, watching your mouth as he studies the words coming out of it (and just because he’s flirty LMAOOOO)

After you’ve had your fun, he comments something like “Impressive, Sparrow.” And then asks you, ofc, if you can teach him what you said

To tease him a bit more, you don’t tell him for a bit until he BRINGS OUT THESE GIANT PUPPY EYES

So you do start teaching him, just long evenings hunched over books or a paper as you teach him different phrases and words, the candle light dancing on his focused gaze.

And one day, out of the blue, he starts calling you Sparrow in the language you were speaking(and you also hear him practice words while talking with Princess—AND ITS SO ADORABLE)

After he’s becoming pretty good at it, you then proceed to tease other people(Leander) by randomly switching mid-conversation into a different language <33

Leander

NOW WITH THIS ONE, it reminded me of this really cool video of a guy switching between loads of languages in one song

IMAGINE showing this off to Leander one rowdy night at the Wet Wick

Maybe it’s even one of his favorite songs ??? And hearing you sing it in so many languages would absolutely knock him off his feet.

Another thing I think he’d go CRAZY FOR

Pet names, in whatever language.

Like ?? You call him something like “Mi amor…” for Spanish, or “Tesoruccio.” For Italian ??

He’s done for. Doomed. Dead. Will beg you to repeat it over and over while he showers your hands or arms with kisses.

He’s also one that would definitely be okay with you calling these pet names in public—he wants to be all smug that HES the one called yours.

He probably also learns whatever language you speak as well, might already know it because bro probably had tutors that taught him so many languages man.

In return for the pet names, he probably calls you something like “λατρεία μου” or “latria mu” (My adored !!! 🥹 in greek)

Kuras

NOW, THIS IS INTERESTING

I’m guessing since Kuras is an Angel, he knows like ??? Every language?

So when he finds out you speak others, he’s instantly curious, impressed, and now it’s quiz time.

You pass by a certain object, plant, anything, and he asks you how to say it in your language(s). Even if he may already know, he likes to hear it coming from you, enjoying the glint in your eyes as you explain things.

Another thing he’ll do, is when you’re having a library date, he’ll hand you a book and request you translate it. Either from your language to—whatever language people speak in Eridia ?? Or from that language to yours.

These will turn into nightly strolls with you translating a poem or book as he strides beside you, golden eyes locked on every word.

In return, he’ll translate whatever text into a language you don’t know. (I wonder if angels have a specific language??)

A name for him, I think it’d be cute if you called him 아름다운 천사 (Beautiful Angel in Korean !!)

Whether this is after or before you know he’s an Angel, he finds it both amusing and endearing. (Or painfully ironic if his life as an Angel is a tough subject)

Mhin

OKAY SOSOSOSOSO !! Mhin evidently thirsts for knowledge, they’re a lil nerd and they’re rlly bad at hiding it (A mood really. one of the reasons I love them <3) and my friend mentioned they’re more of a listener? So like I can see them just—paying very close attention to every word you say

At times they may not seem to be listening to you as you ramble, or catch a few words of slang from your language(s). But they’re actually secretly a sponge and soak up every little detail.

And now this may be just me but Mhin gives off such I must impress you with all my random facts vibes.

They ask questions about the languages you speak, the slang, the meanings, how to pronounce things correctly, everything

And then they do their own research, soaking up all they can before appearing to you one day and just starting the conversation in your language(s)

When you show any sign of being impressed, they will look away blushing and try to act cool but nahhh buddy you aren’t fooling anyone we know you spent forever working on that

Similar to Ais, lots of late night lessons where you get to teach Mhin about your language(s)! Just you two looming over an open book, Mhin scribbling down notes, looking so concentrated and you even spot a smile starting to form as they start getting better and better. (I love themmmmm 😭)

Mhin asks you to quiz them a lot, and looks so !! !! Just proud of themself when they pass. (Before realizing it and their self loathing kicks in and they revert back to >:( ) You want to tell them that they don’t need to be quizzed but look at their face !! Let them impress you okay !! They’re top 1 student !!

If you want you can joke about them having to call you Professor(Mc) or something but ur just gonna get a deep frown and glare like 😒 nuh uh AHAHSHS

Vere

Ohhh vere my nemesis. (He’s the toughest for me to write i have to like mentally and physically ambush him in a fast food parking lot before I can get anything outta him)

(I love him so much though so here we go !! Thanks to my friend for giving me a lot of help in this one because otherwise I’d be a doomed woman)

My friend brought up since he’s a fox, he’s very sensitive to sound !! So when you’re speaking in your mother language, he notices how your tone might change, watches as your tongue moves against your teeth or the top of your mouth, idk but he makes it a sensual thing somehow 😭

Definitely flirts with you in your language(s), says the most outrageous thing and watches as you get stunned or flustered by it, absolutely delighted that no one but you (or anyone who’s unfortunately being nosy and can understand) knows what he’s saying.

Okay this may be dumb but it’s so funny to me imagine Vere like putting on his most smooth, seductive tone, convincing the people around that he’s gonna say like the most erotic thing but he ends up just saying something like 💀 “Avocados” in your language(s) or like “Leander looks like a chicken breast” he does it to see you laugh but also because Leander overhears and could tell his name was said and thinks Vere is like— finally coming around but only you two rlly know Vere is just sexily roasting him.

Due to recent lore being dropped, and in his lil character sheet, it says Vere has a huge love for the arts. I think it’d be really neat if you introduced him to things specifically written in your language(s) !! Like books that originated from your country, plays that are only acted in that language(s), just a tour of the language! And if he doesn’t know your languages(s) then teaching him is gonna be like 💀 somehow so flirty

Will definitely call you Professor(Mc) but he makes it sound absolutely horrendous and cringey and you will regret it you probably should turn back

Jokingly will ask if you’ll give him a golden sticker if he behaves—do it, just to humble him.

OKAY WE’VE REACHED THE END WOOOT WOOT !!!! I DIDNT THINK I’D MAKE IT !!! Been stuck in this endless void for ages !!

Hem hem, thanks so much for the ask !!! I’m so so sorry it took forever 😭 writer’s block nearly had my head this time uh oh

Thank you again to my bestie for helping me out !!

Now I hope you see the most beautiful sunset, eat your favorite dessert, learn something new, and have a happy spring !! 🫶🩷✨

[envyenvys]

svsss | one-shot | T | 2.4k | ao3

This is. unreasonably long for what it is. I wrote this whole thing in a day bc I couldn’t stop thinking abt it and it’s so stupid but I hope it’s also as funny as I think it is??? So here, have some post-canon bingqiu nonsense from an outsider pov

What’s His Fucking Deal

#cucumber-spotting

dick jokes

[screenshot of a text from Peerless Cucumber that reads “Do you still take commissions?”]

passionate ranting

no fucking way

he’s still alive???

binghe obsession

of course this is how we find out

homoerotic undertones

maybe he really was dead and he just rose from the grave to commission art of lbh one last time

in a totally hetero way ofc

binghe obsession

ofc

passionate ranting

after a year?

homoerotic undertones

anything’s possible

binghe obsession

@ dick jokes what did he want anyway

?

homoerotic undertones

@ dick jokes

dick jokes

gimme a minute he’s still explaining

homoerotic undertones

still???

passionate ranting

ooo point for me

homoerotic undertones

no it’s not, that’s just how he talks

it needs to be pidw comment level ranting or it doesn’t count

binghe obsession

probably still a point for me though

homoerotic undertones

shut the fuck up

basically everything he says counts as a point for you

some of us actually need to put effort into our point collecting

binghe obsession

skill issue

your fault for picking one of the harder ones

dick jokes

how do you think I feel

binghe obsession

yeah you really fucked that one up

he’s only ever made like one dick joke

passionate ranting

famously

binghe obsession

famously

dick jokes

what the actual fuck

THERES NO WAY

he’s serious?????????

homoerotic undertones

context??

binghe obsession

what did he do now

dick jokes

he wants me to

how the fuck do I phrase this so it makes sense

he wants me to go to his stupidly expensive apartment to paint a portrait of him and his husband(???????) in sqq x lbh cosplay

📌 [passionate ranting pinned a message to this channel. See all pinned messages.]

homoerotic undertones

how gullible do you think we are

dick jokes

IM NOT FUCKING JOKING

[screenshot of a text from Peerless Cucumber that reads “Would it be possible for you to paint at least part of it in person? My husband would prefer the authenticity of a live portrait, though it can still be digital.”]

[screenshot of a text from Peerless Cucumber that reads “My apartment would be best, our cosplay will likely attract too much attention anywhere else.”]

passionate ranting

WHAT

HUSBAND??????????????????

homoerotic undertones

oh my fucking god

binghe obsession

did he marry a lbh cosplayer

please say yes

passionate ranting

SHEN QINGQIU??????????

what the fuck HAPPENED to him while he was gone????

homoerotic undertones

maybe he got fucking

binghe obsession

lmfao he wishes

homoerotic undertones

transmigrated

let me finish??

passionate ranting

I mean……

he did get married, so

it’s likely

binghe obsession

can we go back to the part where under suggested he got fucking transmigrated

homoerotic undertones

think about it

binghe obsession

oh don’t worry I’m definitely thinking about it

passionate ranting

wait no I kinda get it

PC is kind of perfect for a transmigration romance tbh

homoerotic undertones

he’d be so good at it

passionate ranting

like imagine he ended up in pidw, he probably knows that world better than the author at this point

classic op otome isekai protag

homoerotic undertones

exactlyyyy

binghe obsession

what if we had a normal conversation for once

passionate ranting

in the peerless cucumber discord server?

binghe obsession

yeah okay point taken

then can either of you two geniuses explain the lbh x sqq shipping

homoerotic undertones

see that’s where the transmigration theory comes in

otome isekai never has the protag end up with their character’s canon love interest, but in pidw that cuts out like every woman

binghe obsession

wait hold on

homoerotic undertones

which is fine bc we’re 99% sure he isn’t into women anyway, but I digress

binghe obsession

you think he got transmigrated into fucking LUO BINGHE????

passionate ranting

wait they’re onto something here

let them cook

homoerotic undertones

what’s more of an otome isekai plotline than the protag falling in love with a character they used to hate after actually getting to know them?

PC would be basically immune to all the bullshit sqq pulls in the early chapters, and with his encyclopedic knowledge of pidw he’d notice pretty quick if there was anything different about sqq

like the brothel theory and how he treats nyy

plus with the way he writes comments he’d be able to keep up with sqq’s snark pretty easily

passionate ranting

wait why is this kinda…… 😳

binghe obsession

we are NOT shipping peerless cucumber x shen qingqiu

dick jokes

what the fuck happened while I was gone

passionate ranting

don’t worry about it

what did he say?

dick jokes

well the good news is he’s paying enough to cover my rent for the next six months

homoerotic undertones

you’re fucking joking

dick jokes

the bad news is they want me to start tomorrow

binghe obsession

LMFAOOO GOOD FUCKING LUCK

What’s His Fucking Deal

#general

homoerotic undertones

@ dick jokes you have to tell us everything, we need to know if the transmigration theory is real

passionate ranting

it’s real to me

and honestly kind of compelling ngl

[passionate ranting created a poll.]

would you read the peerless cucumber transmigration romance?

☐ yes I need to know how his brain works [25%]

☐ fuck no he’d be insufferable [75%]

4 votes • 23h left

dick jokes

what happened to hello? how are you? good morning?

homoerotic undertones

good morning, how’s the commission going

dick jokes

bad

homoerotic undertones

didn’t you only get there like 10 minutes ago

dick jokes

yeah

┌ passionate ranting would you read the peerless cu…

passionate ranting

why are you all voting no

wait what’s happening with dj?

dick jokes

well first of all you’re both wrong, he didn’t transmigrate into lbh

passionate ranting

damn

dick jokes

second of all if I stop replying call the police immediately because the lbh cosplayer murdered me for looking at PC too long

it’s not like I’m a fucking artist who needs references or anything

passionate ranting

HES SQQ????

homoerotic undertones

villainess isekai……

passionate ranting

I can’t believe they sank scumcum in less than 24h

wait hold on

binghe obsession

where the fuck are you coming up with these names

also good morning

[passionate ranting created a poll.]

best PC ship

☐ peerless cucumber x shen qingqiu [100%]

☐ peerless cucumber x luo binghe [0%]

1 vote • 23h left

binghe obsession

there’s something wrong with you clinically

dick jokes

guys idk if I’m gonna survive this

homoerotic undertones

is the lbh cosplayer actually threatening you? bc I’m 100% willing to call the police right now

or book a didi to pick you up

actually what’s his address I’m coming to get you

dick jokes

fucking chill

(but ty I appreciate it <3)

I was talking abt the mountains of dog food they’re shovelling down my throat rn

binghe obsession

lmfaooo

dick jokes

I don’t think the lbh cosplayer has stopped touching PC since I got here

they’re like

nauseating

homoerotic undertones

honestly still a pretty good reason to just leave

I have the didi app open just say the word

dick jokes

six months of rent

homoerotic undertones

right

binghe obsession

I can’t decide if this is ooc behaviour for lbh or not

passionate ranting

the exhibitionism is accurate at least

dick jokes

ugh don’t say that

homoerotic undertones

bingge isn’t clingy though

passionate ranting

hm good point

binghe obsession

I’m just thinking, if the transmigration theory was true and PC became sqq, it would affect lbh’s behaviour

passionate ranting

omg we converted you

homoerotic undertones

oh that’s true, PC’s obsessed with lbh and he hates sqq… if he turned into sqq he wouldn’t be able to keep the plot on track to save his life

binghe obsession

actually nvm I don’t want to think about this anymore

homoerotic undertones

noooo come on, think of it as a character study!!

passionate ranting

yeah!! even bingge was obsessed with sqq for years, there’s no way a lbh with PC for a shizun could be normal about him

binghe obsession

ugh fine

passionate ranting

!!!

binghe obsession

well to start, it would depend entirely on what part of the novel PC transmigrated into, how much freedom he has to fuck around, and how hard he’s trying to act like original!sqq

canon lbh is an obsessive, horny perfectionist incapable of self reflection in any meaningful way bc he can’t accept that his life sucks and he’s miserable. He has mommy issues, daddy issues, abandonment issues, probably an inferiority complex and a superiority complex at the same time, and who knows what else. Basically anything airplane thought would be depressing enough to introduce in the first arc but then never resolved later on

homoerotic undertones

OK Peerless Cucumber

binghe obsession

YOU ASKED????

passionate ranting

under shut up I wanna hear the rest of the analysis 😭

binghe obsession

what I was GOING to say is that if the shizun lbh was always trying to get the approval of just turned around one day and started doting on him the way we KNOW pc would, he’d direct all his issues toward pc and then it’d probably dissolve into some endless feedback loop of obsessive behaviour

so yeah, the clinginess makes sense

passionate ranting

ohh you’re so right

hopefully a bingge with pc!sqq would have a happier ending…

this sucks, now I wish the transmigration theory was real :(

homoerotic undertones

probably better that it isn’t, since, yk, PC would have to die first

passionate ranting

only a little bit

dick jokes

thank fucking god I thought I’d be trapped in there with them forever

homoerotic undertones

are you already done??

dick jokes

lmfao god no

lunch break, I’m hiding on the balcony

there’s SO MUCH shit I need to tell you guys, you don’t even know

binghe obsession

they actually gave you a lunch break?

dick jokes

tbh actually I think the only reason I get a break is bc lbh wanted the time alone to feed pc

these two are literally insane

I’m eating off a takeout plate bc they don’t have enough dishes. they didn’t even offer me anything to drink bc there’s only one cup in the entire apartment and they share it

homoerotic undertones

what the fuck

dick jokes

RIGHT?

binghe obsession

thought you’d be full from all that dog food lmfao

dick jokes

ugh don’t remind me you’re gonna make me lose my appetite

which is saying something bc this is literally unironically the best food I’ve ever tasted in my life

lbh made it and I thought he was genuinely gonna kill me when pc told him to give me some

like I’m sorry bro you’re the one who hired me?? take it up with your wife

passionate ranting

what’s his problem 😭

you don’t need to method act for cosplay

dick jokes

I don’t think he’s acting though?? like this is 100% home grown issues

he calls pc ‘shizun’ unironically and refers to himself as his disciple

homoerotic undertones

wtf

dick jokes

AND they’ve been wearing the most beautiful, intricate, clearly handmade xianxia style hanfu I’ve ever seen the entire time, didn’t even take it off to eat which is CRAZY to me

like what if you dropped soy sauce on it and it stained??? I’d kms

passionate ranting

oh they weren’t kidding abt the cosplay attracting attention then huh

dick jokes

THEY WERE NOT KIDDING, NO

homoerotic undertones

we’ve got to get you outta there

dick jokes

six months of rent

homoerotic undertones

right

well. good luck I guess

at least the food’s good

dick jokes

at least the food’s good

What’s His Fucking Deal

#general

dick jokes

hey guys?

this is gonna sound insane but

I think this might be the real luo binghe

homoerotic undertones

what

dick jokes

I think we were right about the transmigration thing

I think peerless cucumber really did die and transmigrate last year, and he brought the real lbh back with him

it’s just… something about the way they’re talking? PC keeps having to explain things to lbh but it’s only the sort of stuff you wouldn’t know about if you, say, lived in a fictional xianxia world without modern technology

also I saw his huadian glowing, like LED bright glowing

you can’t do that with practical effects

passionate ranting

are you doing okay, dj?

binghe obsession

blink twice if you need help

dick jokes

I’m serious!!! there’s something really weird about them!!!

passionate ranting

that doesn’t mean they’re transmigrators??? they’re probably just hardcore larping or something

dick jokes

see that’s what I thought at first too, but then

HOLY FUCK

homoerotic undertones

???

dick jokes

[10 seconds of shaky footage of an icy portal opening in the centre of an upper-class apartment living room. A man in xianxia style hanfu stumbles out of it, followed by a much taller man with long, dark hair, and skin tinged faintly blue.]

passionate ranting

MOBEI JUN???????????

binghe obsession

is that fucking shang qinghua

homoerotic undertones

WHAT

passionate ranting

MOBEI JUN???? FROM PIDW?????

what the fuck. what the Fuck

homoerotic undertones

what the FUCK

this is so

passionate ranting

oh my god. you weren’t kidding. that’s the real luo binghe

oh FUCK peerless cucumber died last year and no one even knew

AND HE GOT TRANSMIGRATED?????????

homoerotic undertones

THEYRE REAL???????????????

wait why are they in OUR world?????

binghe obsession

I think I need to lie down for a minute

passionate ranting

why is shang qinghua there???? isn’t he supposed to be dead??????

dick jokes

PC just called him airplane

passionate ranting

AIRPLANE SHOOTING TOWARDS THE SKY????????????????????????????

homoerotic undertones

imagine getting transmigrated into your own novel and your biggest hater is there too and he’s fucking your protagonist

villainess isekai protag peerless cucumber is real and I don’t know how to feel about this

binghe obsession

I just know this is your fault somehow

all three of you

dick jokes

ME???

WHAT DID I DO??

homoerotic undertones

wait oh fuck this means airplane died too and no one noticed

how did it happen twice???????

dick jokes

……….. shang qinghua and mobei jun want me to paint a portrait of them too

passionate ranting

omg….. moshang is real……..

homoerotic undertones

DJ GO HOME??

JUST LEAVE

dick jokes

they’re doubling my pay

one year of rent is worth so much more than my sanity

binghe obsession

I just remembered when like two years ago PC said something stupid on weibo

and it was one of his “lbh deserves better than this shitty novel” rants so I commented something like “luo binghe isn’t gonna fuck you, dude”

he was so pissed at me

but like

homoerotic undertones

LMFAO

binghe obsession

he really did it. luo binghe really fucked him

[candyskiez]

I know it probably wasn't meant to be a trans allegory but GOD does Steven's time with the diamonds resonate as a trans allegory to me. Like. Everyone disregarding his name. Being forced to wear uncomfortable clothing. People regarding his name as a funny joke. Being told he's just being childish. "I just want you to be yourself!" The ripping the fucking gem out SCREAMS of it. The purity talk. And just the. God. The scene where it showed Pink, then Rose, then Steven got me so hard as a trans person because it just. Reminds me SO much of just. Trans. So much trans. Because it just reminds me of looking at the past versions of me before I figured myself out. They're still a part of me, they still made up a lot of my life, but I am not them anymore. And that's what that scene resonates to me so much as. That gem is not Pink or Rose anymore. Reminds me of that one thing that goes "my parents were right, I DID kill their son." Pink is gone, Rose is gone, Steven is neither of them Steven is MORE Steven is alive and he is not that girl, he is not that girl, he doesn't want her name or her dresses or her life or her room, this is HIS body now, this is how HE sounds, he's not pretending to be someone else. This is who he is. He is not Pink or Rose. He is Steven. She's gone.

And god the scene where he hugs pink Steven just. It reminds me so much of accepting my gender or gender euphoria or just the realization of that's what I am, I am me, I am not broken, I am whole and i am not that girl. I don't need to be that girl because it doesn't make me happy. It's okay that I'm not that girl.

And just the. I am a child. What's your excuse? And the absolute "so what?" of that. Yeah, I'm a kid. This is still me. Why do you care so much about my body? Why does me being happy upset you so much? The girl you knew is gone, and maybe she never existed. It's your fault she's gone, and now I'm left, and it's my gem. It's my body. And this is who I've ALWAYS been.

The "I've always been me" line resonates so much. "I've always been this. I just needed to figure it out." Not how being trans works for everyone, ofc, everyone's relationship with their gender is different, this is just the vibes I get from this specific thing.

I do also like to dabble in reading Rose as a trans allegory too. Because I am self indulgent shh. And that ones less "I always was this" and more so "being the person I used to be made me miserable and I hated my own body, I hated my own life. So I grew into this new body that I love, and chose a new name, and a new identity that makes me happy." Which,, am I overanalyzing. I dunno man I like hitting my favorite characters with the transgender beam.

You can also read it with the lense of "I killed that old version of me and I am a woman now. This is who I am. That person is dead." Which. Once again. Am I overanalyzing. This feels too easy to read as trans. I am probably overanalyzing.

Anyways the way gender works for different people is really interesting, I like Steven Universe, I like making my favorites stories trans allegory-ified, and I cannot be stopped. Peace ✌️

[queenofallimagines]

Alexis ness x witch reader

A/N: WHY THE FUCK DID I NOT THINK OF THIS BEFORE?? I TRYING TO FIND A WAY TO MIX MY WITCH HCS WITH BLUE LOCK AND OFC THE EX HARRY POTTER KID WITH THE STEM CAREER PARENTS WHO CRUSHED HIS DREAMS WOULD FOAM AT THE MOUTH!! Was word vomiting onto a page and this came out and I’m like??? Fuck yeah??

TAGLIST: @priv-rose

Alexis Ness:

- I am SO excited for this🗣️

- First of all fuck Harry Potter and fuck JK rat ass Rowling

- Good now That’s that’s out of the way

- He would literally be star struck like he def wouldn’t tell you he believes in stuff like that bc of his childhood

- But like when he sees your so chill he might joke around with superstitions

- But when you know more of them than he does,,,,?

- “Don’t forget! Salt over your left shoulder!”

- “Plant rosemary by your garden gate,lavender for luck and blow cinnamon into your house on the first of the month.”

- “I- what?”

- Putting some sigils for focus and luck in the shoes

- In the inside of the compression suit

- Reading incantations before a game to help(aka mumbling them while pressing kisses to his face)

- Putting a hex on the other team or players you don’t like (Kaiser)

- Kisses as a good luck charm

- Kissing isagi eyelids and forehead so he can smell his goals😔💕

- Charming a necklace he wears during games

- Putting something in his phone case for good measure so he can accidentally not respond to his family or kaisers texts💕

- You could put a little soccer ball charm on your altar for him🥺

- Alexis ness: Love please don’t hex the opposing team I want to win on my own

- Also ness: so like if you COULD hypothetically make isagi twist his ankle,,,,,

- He’s so funny and silly

- Asking you to turn people into frogs

- “It doesn’t work like that beloved”

- I like to think he would go to haunted places and drag you along

- If this is before he knows you’re a witch

- He pretends he just wanted to see the location and he don’t belive in ghosts n stuff

- Even tho he researched like 600 ghost protection methods before yall got here

- The two of you go in, joking around and having fun in the worn down building but the two of you stop dead in your tracks as you hear something?Footsteps...that aren't yours or his.

- Ness clutching you like a damn lifeline

- Your hearts are both pounding in your chests as you walk through the halls, unsure of what is making that noise that doesn’t sound like it’s coming from an animal…

- Mama ain’t raise no Bitch

- So you just straight up yell💀

- “Fuck off! go bother someone else!”

- Poor baby Ness quickly clamps his hand over your mouth, his eyes wide at your outburst. Whatever was making noise in the abandoned hospital immediately stops making noise tho 💅🏿

- Ness gives you the “you’ve lost your damn mind” look

- “Hey! Maybe don’t make whatever it is more pissed off-!”

- “That’s how you banish ghosts! so unless it’s something more dangerous you can tell them to kick rocks! We’re technically on their territory but like same thing I guess. They can’t do much but scare us and I’ve got like 10 protection charms they can’t really do much.”

- Pause

- Rewind

- Excuse me?

- “Y’all got about three seconds to get the fuck up out my way and two of ‘em are already gone because I don’t count shit but money so get to stepping Casper!”

- He’s going to propose to you

- “ Wait! You’ve got protection charms-!?”

- Ness is side eyeing you hard asf rn😭

- Not in a bad way but a “when was this??” Type of way bc he knew nothing of this

- “Ok then…but what about those ghost hunting shows! like there’s those that say that if they get pissed off they can hurt you for being on their ‘property’ if I remember correctly..”

- Like he’s pulling out his ghost busters encyclopedia lmao

- “Those are fake and I’m a witch they can’t fucking touch me. I’ve talked to demons🙄Some old grumpy spirit can’t do much but give me nightmares and even then they’ll have to box me about it”

- Lmao he’s like full stop staring at you wide eyed

- Kaiser baby you’ve been dethroned I fear

- A new emperor about to spin the block😔✊🏿

- Oh! And not let him hear you WORK with deities

- He will be like a kid in a candy store

- Like trauma suddenly gone lmao

- His ugly ass momma saying all that vile shit to him as a baby suddenly never happened

- He’s living his Peter Pan dreams!!

- Ness’ jaw drops to the floor as he hears you list out the demons you’ve worked with.

- Kinda thinks you’re making fun of him at first so he bristles at you but when he sees you’re not even smiling about it he’s even more shocked

- “So..you made a deal with them or something-? If you did that’s like….your soul is basically his now, right!?”

- “Not really? I just had to ask nicely.”

- Lmao he’s like trying to rewire his brain right now

- Nagging voices at the back of his head telling him

- Magic isn’t real and there’s probably a logical explanation for all of this like you’re so clearly kidding

- “Y-You’re like…a legit witch? Like you can do magic and summon stuff!?”

- “Yep”

- He stares for another few seconds before a smile creeps onto his face, his eyes going wide with amazement?

- Like you can actually see the stars

- “Dude this is SO COOL! You’re like a bad ass witch! Wait…CAN YOU DO MAGIC RIGHT NOW!?”

- Dragging you through the hospital as suddenly he done forgot about the shorts or whatever

- You flinch at something dripping but he don’t even turn around to look at it he’s rambling to himself for the most part

- “Alex baby It’s not like Harry Potter but I do curse people and do old ancient spells and stuff. Like I’m technically doing magic right now? I have a protective charm on us so nothing can try anything funny-“

- “A PROTECTIVE CHARM?! YOU CAN DO PROTECTION MAGIC TOO!”

- Lord

- He grabs your hand and starts yanking it

- Chill out???

- he’s excited about this magic stuff and as he holds your hand, he seems so innocent and curious about all of this now.

- “Show me some magic…PLEASE?”

- “Like what spell do you want? And again not like flying magic. It’s more…I guess stuff close to that? Still within the realm of reality. But I mean technically your parents do magic too right? They’re scientists. And just before you know how something works doesn’t mean it’s less magical yknow?”

- Ignoring the fact that last part is what sparked this entire head canon I’m right leave me alone

- “Eh..scientists are just nerds who figure out how things work, not really magical.”

- He’s gunna start pouting, he didn’t really believe in his parents nerdy sciencey stuff

- but your magic that’s WAY more interesting! Magic! Actual magic! How cool is that!

- “Magic isn’t just something you can’t understand. Like think of it. We don’t know shit about gravity and it’s still just a theory but if I drop something it falls right? Same principal. Things seen and unseen in this earth are magic. Like you can use chemistry in spell work all the time. like urine and bleach make chloramine gas and I’ve used that in curses.”

- See he only heard that last part I’m afraid

- was DEF not expecting the last part to come out from your mouth

- “I’m….You…put piss…into your curses?”

- “I WILL call the ghosts to come jump you on my behalf…”

- That got his ass In check real quick lmao

- “like the possibility that I CAN. Like it could be for a nightmare curse. Throw in some poppy seeds for mental unrest and nightmares, vinegar to sour their mind and maybe black pepper to get them to leave your life really fast.”

- “Huh…so piss, seeds, vinegar and black pepper in a mixture makes a nightmare curse…”

- “Why did you write that down….”

- Hope your grimore or whatever isn’t like private bc he WILL dig through that every chance he gets

- Got all the books on your shelves unorganized and fucked up be he done ran through them

- Like can you have some class??🙄

- Sits and stares at your altar for hours

- Like he’s looking at everything on it to see if he can figure it out

- No that table cloth is blue because that’s all I had leave me alone!!

- Back to deities

- He will always be polite

- Nothing if not a gentlemen

- Will say hello to them before YOU walking into the crib

- Like you know when a boy is so polite he talks to your whole family before even remembering he came there for you?

- That’s him

- “Hi great grandma! I bought you some of that liquor you like”

- Leaves more offerings then you I’m afraid

- He’s so baby deer coded they love him

- Everyone and they momma will ride or die for him.

- So like don’t let Kaiser be within a one Mile radius of your house and talking bad to him

- Matter fact? Don’t even watch his games in your home

- Bc now everyone mad

- “Why is he disrespecting my baby like that?”

- Like house is in shambles

- “Go give this to him”

- “What? But wasn’t this mine-“

- “Did I stutter?”

- He’s so beloved

- “I call him old man a lot. Or like Lucy-“

- “Lucy….king of hell, devil incarnate, Lord of the Underworld, and one of the most infamous fallen angels. And you call him LUCY?!”

- Jokes that your food is made with love but like now he’s not sure it’s a joke at this point….