#he’s fantastic i dunno man that’s all I can say at this point

[your-unfriendlyghost]

for the character asks: johnny, ponyboy

Since I answered Johnny here, I’ll just do Ponyboy here :))

How I feel about this character

  Ponyboy is the best, man. He’s tough, he’s cool, Bryon thinks he’s stuck up but really he’s shy. He seems sensitive to us and his gang but to the rest of the world he’s a scary hood.

  He’s a dreamer. He carries a switchblade. He memorizes poems. He’s a good fighter. He loves movies, and Paul Newman’s tough while he’s not. He’s good-looking and doesn’t know it. He’s small for fourteen. He has a good build. He behaves himself. He’s buddies with Mark Jennings and Dallas Winston. 

He’s a list of contradictions and it makes him feel like such a real person. He’s a wonderfully written, incredibly believable character. And beyond all that technical stuff- he’s just a good, relatable, interesting guy. 

  I needa do another post sometime about the Outsiders and masculinity, because Ponyboy is such a great example of a masculine male protagonist who gets to be soft sometimes without being taken less seriously. The way he interacts with his own masculinity and presents the masculinity of the gang is no small part of why I’m mostly secure in my own now- bc lemme tell ya, back when I first read the book I definitely wasn’t lol. But I am now, and honestly I owe a lot (a pathetic amount really) of that to Ponyboy and SE Hinton.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

  Uhh I guess Cathy Carlson, his (offscreen lol) gf in TWTTIN. It’s a boring answer I know. It’s just the most grounded/relatable (to me!) relationship he could be in rn. I don’t see it as particularly serious, but I think they’d be happy for a while. They’re not Steve x Evie level high school sweethearts, but I can see a universe where Ponyboy helps Cathy feel like herself again after Bryon’s whole…everything.

  I definitely think Pony had a crush on Cherry Valance. I know that’s also not the most interesting take but c’mon look at her! Her only flaw to me is her poor taste in men (/hj), who wouldn’t crush on her?? That said, I don’t think it went anywhere. …But sometimes I like to imagine them ending up being…something after re-meeting far from Tulsa, in university somewhere. Ik some folks are freaked out by the two-year age gap, but idk I feel like if folks ship Pony with Johnny- who has the same age gap- then it’s no big deal to ship hypothetical-college-age-Cherry with hypothetical-college-age-Pony

  I also could theoretically see something going on with Pony and Mark Jennings, although I don’t think it’d be very healthy. It’d be Ponyboy unconsciously looking for ghosts of Dally in a person who’s uncannily similar looking, and it’d be Mark seeking the structure Bryon gave him in the form of someone who’s also smart and book-loving. I think they’d be solid friends, but terrible partners. Neither would ever measure up romantically, because Pony never liked Dally romantically and Mark never liked Bryon either. They’d irritate each other after a while romantically I think. But as friends they’d be okay still I think??

Important caveat- I don’t think Markboy would happen unless it’s a Soda-in-Vietnam timeline. I don’t think Ponyboy’s mental health would get quite lousy enough for pursuing Mark romantically unless he didn’t have Soda by his side.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

  Soda honestly. He says it himself- he loves Soda more than anyone. Soda gets him in a way others don’t. 

  And also somewhat Cherry. She’s iffier because of the whole Soc/greaser situation, obviously, but I really do love the idea of them being close someday. I mean c’mon Pony knew her for an hour or two and was already spillin his guts lol, they clearly clicked

My unpopular opinion about this character

  Not exactly an unpopular opinion, but idk I hate when fanworks infantilize Ponyboy. And I’m not fond of when they make him seem like a soft kid like they do with Johnny too sometimes- he is a greaser, and he considers himself a greaser. Sure he doesn’t like violence, but he’s known for being a good fighter. He’s more innocent than the others, sure, but not…really, I don’t think? I think the thing that gets me about Pony is that he knows how bad the world can be, but chooses to “stay gold”. Like he has every reason to get tough, to get cold, but he doesn’t. Not because he isn’t tough or because he’s naive, but because he wants to look at the sunset. He’s a deeper thinker than most people are, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t as much of a hood as the others. I think we forget that he’s probably lifted things from stores, that he woulda joined Dally in pestering girls if they were greaser girls, and that he carries a switch most of the time…I guess what I’m saying is is that to the rest of the world outside of the Curtis gang, Pony’s just as much a hoodlum as Curly Shepard. But he can still be sensitive and kind at the same time. That’s the point of the book really.

  Idk I sound like a real broken record, but I hate when folks soften Pony’s edges. 

  (Disclaimer again this is just my two cents, interpret everyone however you want b/c this is fandom and everyone’s takes on the characters are real to them!! This is just my preference lol)

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

  I dunno, I’d have liked to see more of him in TWTTIN. But I think Pony ultimately served his role in the story well. He’s just such a wonderful character and I love him.

[gaywarcriminals]

YQY getting hit with truth serum so he has to confess The Secret to SJ is definitely a thing, because jesus fucking christ ANYTHING to make that man talk, but I think the potential for an even larger audience is fantastic.

A scenario like SQQ's trial. Things are dug up. Other things are implied or even fabricated. YQY is on trial. He's presented with some kind of truth serum. He refuses to take it until it's clarified that it won't compel him to speak, just prevent him from lying. He takes it.

They were lying. It absolutely does compel him to answer any questions asked of him. And the results are completely unhinged.

The Xuan Su thing doesn't even come up. It doesn't need to. In an attempt to paint him as scheming and ambitious, he's asked why he became sect leader.

"So I can give Xiao Jiu whatever he wants."

The assembled crowd: ?????

Is this Xiao Jiu a....mistreess? A son? What the hell. Questioning continues, and Yue Qingyuan's insanity is put on full display.

"What if 'Xiao Jiu' wanted to be the sect leader?"

"I would make him the sect leader."

"Surely the other peak lords of Cang Qiong would object. What would you do, then?"

"Whatever I had to."

Whatever they were originally asking about gets seriously derailed as they realize that this guy, arguably the most powerful cultivator in the world, is singularly obsessed with a person he calls 'Xiao Jiu.' Why did he seek power? Xiao Jiu. What is his ultimate goal? Xiao Jiu.

It's also starting to seem like maybe Xiao Jiu isn't exactly a willing participant.

"What does Xiao Jiu ask you for?"

"To leave him alone."

Okay. So his attentions are unwanted. Yikes.

Further questioning reveals that this mysterious person seems to hate Yue Qingyuan, but is regularly subject to his attentions anyway.

The one question he won't answer is 'who is Xiao Jiu.' He's bleeding from the mouth and eyes, but he just shakes his head or says, "He told me not to call him that."

In the audience, no one noticed Shen Qingqiu's total bluescreen, because honestly? All of the peak lords are feeling pretty lost for words right now.

I dunno, I just think it's specifically interesting to a) have a public reveal that this man is a lunatic, and b) have SQQ find out the depths of YQY's devotion without being able to get the answer he wants most.

This would drive SJ absolutely insane. On the one hand he’s happy that YQY isn’t spilling every little detail of their past for these vultures to pick through, on the other hands where the fuck is this coming from??? What sense do these answers make in the mouth of the man who abandoned him? If it was anyone else saying these things he’d be wildly uncomfortable, but this is just confusing (if he were to really sit with his feelings, he might realize that any immediate sense of revolution was swept away by a long-dormant sense of possessiveness). He intends to grab YQY and shake him as soon as YQY stops giving the OPM grounds to charge him with stalking or harassment or something, and YQY will just give him guilty eyes because he things SJ is mad about every he said on the stand 😔. Actually scratch that for qijiu’s benefit the potion should still be in effect, so the moment they’re behind doors SJ can furiously ask why, if YQY doesn’t despise him, he saw fit to abandon him back then and every day since their reunion. YQY can try to hold himself back from speaking to the point of coughing up blood again, which only enrages SJ further, and eventually YQY is forced to speak his explanation through his rough and bloodied throat. SJ is have every single emotion today and has a 50/50 chance of learning what YQY’s blood tastes like (for normal kissing reasons. Normaler than usual).

On a different note, I felt palatable anxiety reading the first part of the ask because I thought you were going to say that YQY confessed about Xuan Su in public, his greatest weakness and a questionable/unnatural feat of cultivation that he could well be criticized for. I legit think that if that happened SJ would consider killing everyone else in the room to stop the secret from getting out— he doesn’t have time to process all the complicated emotions from what YQY just told him, he only knows that’s it’s intolerable for YQY to be this vulnerable in front of people SJ distrusts or despises.

[bisexual-horror-fan]

Bexxx my darling. We’ve had the conversation, are horny for the concept so I’m pounding this into the ask box even harder than they’re gonna pound the damn reader.

AU!Billy, Stu, Mickey and Ethan x reader. All alive or as Ghosts whichever is best. All of them going full blown slut on the reader, Stu in the mouth, Billy in the cunt, Mickey in the ass and Ethan in the hand (until he’s not *wink*) . We’ve discussed a lot of it already so GIRL, I know how you’re going to go with this. In advance, poor, sweet Ethan, slutty teasing Billy, supportive icon Stu and Mickey with the GUIDING. I’m going to burst into flames.

I LOVE YOU DUDE!

BITCH, I LOVE YOU! I wrote this all tonight in one sitting, I hope you all enjoy this! Billy AND Stu AND Mickey AND Ethan?! I mean, say fucking less, that is a dream I need to experience. Multi-May continues! I hope you all love this straight-up nasty smut in the afterlife.

---

Rating. Explicit. Length. 1.2K. Poly!Ghostface. Billy Loomis/Stu Macher/Mickey Altieri/Ethan Landry/AFAB! Dead Victim Reader! She/Her Pronouns. Warnings: Five-Some. Orgy. Hair Pulling. Gagging. Group Sex. Hand Job. Oral Sex. Blow Job. Triple Penetration. Vaginal Sex. Throat Fucking. Anal Sex. Pre-Mature Ejactualation. Sloppy Seconds. Multiple Orgasms.

---

"Four In One."

You have never been so fucking full. It was taken right out of your most depraved and wild fantasies, an impossibility and yet here you were, mouth, cunt, ass and one of your hands full.

In the vague haze of your mind, you are reminded of a phrase for being in this exact situation, that being “completely airtight”. 

Some people might think that sex in the afterlife is not a thing, however it was one of the most beloved pass times, you have no physical limitations and nothing but time, it only makes sense. 

You being a victim that had fallen to Ghostface most would assume you’d hate them. You did at one point. Eternity is a long fucking time, though. 

So you got involved with the man who killed you and a few other previous Ghostface’s? It was your business, you were dead, you didn’t care if any other victims or whoever judged you, especially when it felt this fucking good. 

They had managed to get you into a good position, and with all of them helping, you didn’t need to worry about holding yourself up, which is good because you were fucking boneless. 

Billy was buried in your cunt, Stu was in your mouth, Mickey was in your ass, and you had a firm grip on Ethan. The smell was heady, the chorus of moans and skin on skin was obscene, and you were unable to stay still, being pushed and pulled in multiple directions, covered in sweat and thankful for the fact you didn’t have to worry about breathing. 

Stu was pulling your hair, dragging you nearer, your nose pressed to coarse hair, his head tipping back with a moan, “Fuck yes, when you swallow around the head it feels fucking fantastic-” He pulled harder, and you gagged, you didn’t really, but you knew Stu liked when you did, so you mimic it, you feel him throb on your tongue and Billy groans. 

“When she gags she clenches beautifully, man.” He breathed and Mickey agreed, “God yeah, she feels fucking perfect tonight.” 

You are soaking up the praise, pleasure sinking into the very marrow of your bones, you manage to open your eyes, curious why Ethan was being so quiet, and he is staring right at you and oh no. The poor boy. His curls are sweat soaked, bottom lip tugged by his teeth, face flushed, and it is spreading down to his chest, when your eyes lock he moans, he is pulsing in your hand and Stu notices the moment you, and he were sharing. 

“You alright there, Eth?” Stu asked, and the response came out strained, “Feels so good, too fuckin’ good, sh-she looks and God, how she sounds, I-I dunno if I can make it-”

Billy cuts in, his hips slowing, “Oh hey man, you gotta wait till you get in one of her holes at least.” 

You nod as much as you are able to with Stu’s hand in your hair and his dick down your throat, you wanted that, you desperately wanted Ethan to cum in one of your holes, Hell you wanted all of them to cum either in you or on you, it was a deep and clawing craving that was refusing to leave. 

Mickey’s pace was getting sloppy, he was thrusting harder and harder, faster and being totally selfish in the way only he can be when he is close, fully worried with chasing his own release, you say a silent prayer, happy that your ass could take the punishment he was doling out. “Fuck, fuck, you won’t have to wait long, Ethan.”

Mickey thrusts inside you three more times and then holds deep as he unloads inside of you with an utterance of your name. The rush of heat makes you choke and moan on Stu’s shaft with a shudder. 

You stop stroking Ethan, worried that he is going to cum, your hand grips the base of his shaft tightly to ensure he wouldn’t spill over quite yet.

Mickey stays in you for a moment, barely grinding his hips, milking the aftershocks and every ounce of pleasure out of his orgasm. You feel his head tip, his forehead rests on your shoulder, you feel the press of his lips, a kiss, sweet, before he pulls out with a groan, and spreads you, he can see your wrecked looking hole, slowly leaking his cum. 

Mickey looks over your body still being rocked between Billy and Stu, and he says easily, “Get over here, Ethan.” 

You let go of him, and he practically scrambles to get behind you, almost falling over the tangle of the other boys limbs on the way. Stu and Billy laugh, Mickey shaking his head, “Bless him.”

“So cute.” Stu confirms. 

Billy holds still and motions for Stu to do the same, “Ease up while he gets in there.” 

The blonde complies and they all watch, Ethan’s hands rest on your ass, and he looks adorably nervous, he is practically shaking, breathing erratic, he looks painfully hard and is leaking so much pre-cum. It’s like he is almost rooted to the spot, staring down at your slowly leaking hole. You push on Stu’s hip, and he allows it, pulls out of your mouth, and you look over your shoulder at him, you clear your throat before saying, “C’mon Ethan, please?”

He curses quietly, and then you watch Mickey come up behind him, one hand on Ethan’s hip and the other reaches around him, grips the base of his cock and says, “Lemme help you out.” 

Ethan almost jumps out of his skin, tenses but gives a single nod once, consenting with more than the action, he begs, “Please, yes, I-I want to so bad but, I can’t-.” 

“I know man, it’s alright, I got you.” Mickey soothed, and he pushes forward on Ethan’s hip, his other hand guiding Ethan’s cock, the blunt head presses to your nearly raw and well lubed hole. When the tip breaches Ethan comes back to himself, fingers dig into ample flesh, and he pushes, you moan and encourage him, “Fuck yes, please-”

Mickey lets go, his grin is positively wolfish as he watches the show unfold. 

Ethan curses again, and he shoves in roughly, about halfway before pulling out, the poor guy only gets less than ten pumps in, not even fully inserted, before he is cumming with a strangled cry, body a quaking, sweat slicked mess. He is apologizing over and over, gasping for breath, “M’ sorry, fuck, sorry, sorry, felt too fuckin’ good, couldn’t stop it-”

“S’ okay.” You reassure as he pulls out, “You’ll last longer next time.” 

Billy is laughing and starting to thrust into you again, “Fuckin’ pathetic, man.”

Stu shoved Billy’s shoulder and said, “Oh lay off, you didn’t last much longer first time you got in that ass.” 

You giggled, “He’s right, you know.” Stu taps your cheek and says, “Open up.”

Mouth falling open in compliance, he re-inserts, you still had to get the last two off and were eager to do so. You can hear Ethan trying to defend himself to Mickey, “I could feel Billy in her pussy when I was in there, and it was too much!”

“The extra friction will get you, it’s true.” Mickey sympathizes, and you suppress a laugh, trying to focus on sucking the dick in your mouth and moving your hips in time with Billy’s thrusts. 

[bellewintersroe]

Max Verstappen x HornerDaughter! Smut 18+

Part 17 here’s the LINK for 16 - idk why I keep asking but you guys commenting even something tiny means a lot, when there’s not much interaction I feel kinda unmotivated, anybody else feel similar? Anyway-

Smut 18+ plus warning hehehe just a quickie, Max and Leni join the mile-high club, so obviously P in V, dirty talk, Max semi admits feelings during sex? A drunken Leni comes clean about why she’s going back to England and Max gets kinda annoyed. ‘Kinda’. You’ll see…

Max had me on all fours of the bathroom counter, my cheeks and hands pressed against the mirror as he fucked into me from behind. His hands gripped at the flesh of my ass and hips, pulling me closer into him with each thrust.

“Oh god.” My head dropped but he reached out pulling it back up with my pony tail. “Max…” I blubbered out a moan, it got caught in my throat and then proceeded to come out much louder than intended. “Good girl.” He harshly pushed his hips inside me before pulling my upper body up against his. The warmth of his chest was something I sunk into, his hands wrapped around my front, securing me in place against his body as he hooked his chin over my shoulder.

“Watch yourself getting fucked, Leni.” He kissed my jawbone, my eyes fluttered open to see the mirror in front of us. “I can’t.” I giggled, my face turning red as I clamped a hand over the mirror, exactly where my face was. Max laughed and pulled out. “Look at me then.” He teased, spinning my body around. He was manhandling my body and I loved it. I reached out, taking a gulp of champagne before handing it to Max in the midst of him sliding his cock back inside of me. I scrunched my brows, feeling so full as I unconsciously rolled my hips.

“You think they can hear us?” I asked as he took a swig, placing it roughly back on the side. “I don’t really care.” His hands planted at either side of my body as I smirked. “Silly.” As soon as I let the comment slip, his hand clamped my mouth.

“Be a good girl and let me fuck you.” He seriously spoke as all I could simply do was moan against the palm of his hand. “You can do that?” He scanned my eyes as I nodded with a hum as the movement of his thrusts began again. Max slipped out accidentally and he ushered me with a, “put it back in.” Before praising me and taking his hand from my mouth.

“You’re so fucking sexy, Leni.” He groaned, moving in for a kiss. “Oh my god.” He added on and I could’ve sworn that was enough to make me cum there and then.

————————————————————————

“Max…” I whispered in my tired haze, the Dutch man’s arms wrapped around my front as he spooned me from behind. I was clad head to toe in his clothes and we were wrapped under the same blanket on the same sofa bed. How this happened I couldn’t say- alcohol. That was my only explanation… “Mh.” He hummed as I half smiled, I had something on my mind and it was crazy, in my drunken daze I thought it would be a fantastic idea to admit it to him.

“I was gonna go home before Vegas so…” I began giggling as he pushed his crotch into my bum, nudging for me to continue. “So?” His voice cracked tiredly.

“It’s stupid, I dunno.” My hand smoothed up his arm. “Nothings that stupid, Len.” He muttered.

“I was coming home so I could start a fresh with all this, you know. Like us- it freaked me out.” I admitted, my chest feeling lighter once I’d spoken the words. Max paused for a minute, “what?”

I opened my mouth to repeat myself but he pushed himself up. “What why? Why are you still freaked out by all this?” Not the reaction I was expecting but I soon came to realise how rude those words truly were.

“What do you mean?” I sat up too, legs kicking over the side of the bed as we faced one another directly. “You keep doing all this with me- sleeping with me, then you’re still freaked out?”

“You’re not freaking me out.” I clarified. “But what’s the point?! What’s the point in telling me this after we’ve slept together, again?”

“Well-” I became nervous under his gaze. “You did say you were ok with it not going anywhere so soon.”

“Yeah, Leni but I don’t think I can do that anymore.” He let out a sigh and fell with his back against the pillows. “Do what?” I furrowed my brows.

“It doesn’t matter just go to sleep.”

“Oh Max, just tell me about it.” He sat back up again. “You don’t want to settle with me because it’s been too soon, but how long it is gonna be of waiting, Leni? You sleep with me, then you tell me you want to go home because of me?” “If you don’t wanna wait then you don’t have to…” my voice failed me. “What? That’s just stupid.” He huffed as I winced slightly, turning away from him. “I can’t take you out- you don’t wanna be taken out, you’re admitting you’re running away from me-”

“We both knew it was a bad idea to sleep together, so don’t entirely blame me.” I snapped slightly as he sighed. I could feel the motion of his hand running through his hair.

“Are you worried I don’t want this or something?”

“Yes.” “How more obvious can I make it? If I didn’t want anything with you I wouldn’t have pursued you, I’ve felt this way for longer than you have realised, you know?” The words were supposed to be sweet, and they did soften something inside of me. My anger? Oh no, he was going to make me cry. But the way he spoke was harsh, angry, understandably so.

I didn’t reply, I sat trying to fight back pathetic tears as he inwardly sighed again. “Look just come to Las Vegas, don’t feel like you can’t- but I’m not continuing this with you if you wanna play games.”

“I don’t.” My voice cracked and he paused. “But-” he froze for a moment and I wiped at the tears fallen. Luckily the plane was dark, but if I turned he’d see I was visibly upset. How had I worried my way out an almost relationship with Max? It was messed up.

“Just give it some time, Leni. But I don’t think us doing this is a good idea anymore.” Oh. My stomach churned with sickness and I didn’t have it in me to beg him to change his mind. This was my fault, I was an idiot.

I didn’t reply, I just held back my sobs as much as I possibly could and moved two rows up to a set of normal seats where I planted myself, pillow and spreading a blanket over me. Max sighed.

“You don’t have to go over there.” “Leave me alone, Max…”

————————————————————————

Taglist: @ironmaiden1313 @callsignwidow @fangirl125reader @norassimpingzone @roseseraj @eugene-emt-roe @copper-boom @its-elias-world @cassiopeiia24@larastark3107 @maxxiemoo @crashingwavesofeuphoria @18754389 @eviethetheatrefreak @rossylightwood @formula1mount

[piosplayhouse]

Hi! I came across a post complaining about the guy yuri poll and discourse aside, I vaguely remember you made a post about what is yaoi and what is yuri? I dunno if I dreamed this post up, but I've scrolled and scrolled and I can't find it. So, I wanted to ask (if you don't mind answering >.<), what is yaoi/yuri? (beyond the basic definitions) What counts as guy yuri and girl yaoi?

Uwaa ok so I will say Im planning to actually write a paper on this but I haven't done much research yet so ask in a few months and you'll hopefully have a better answer with cited sources. But here is a bit of what I'm conceptualizing at this point (corrections and additions very welcome!)

What set me down this path really was of course the fantastic Yaoizine hosted by tshirt3000, which includes a rather poignant author's note about broadening the definition of yaoi in public to the abstraction. Indeed, the actual origin of the term "yaoi" is an acronym for "yamanashi, ochinashi, iminashi" (plotless, climaxless, meaningless) from 70s doujinshi spheres wherein it was used as a somewhat self-degrading term to define a specific type of porn-without-plot self-indulgent indie fancomic. These were of course, mostly of the male-male variety. However, as the Yaoizine makes clear, there's not really an inherent gendering within the word in any sense but genre expectation-wise. This becomes particularly salient in the case of perhaps one of the most famous wlw romances out there, Revolutionary Girl Utena. Tshirt cites an interview with the creator of the anime, Ikuhara Kunihiko, where he refers to the relationship between the two main female characters (among other things) as yaoi, recontextualizing the term from merely a mlm genre into a statement on the dynamics of power and consumption as they relate to gender-- an act of sexual passion paired with a reversal of societal norms = yaoi in this case, which is why utenanthy fits perfectly within the term.

Conversely, yuri (lily) is a bit more difficult to analyze from a gender-neutral perspective as it originated not as a counterpart to yaoi, but instead as a counterpart to bara (rose, a term used to refer to erotic gay male content) used when lesbians would write in to gay magazines trying to hook up and whatnot. However, it's pretty agreed upon that the genre grew out of Class S literature, a type of literature based on girls, often senpai and kouhai, going to an all-girls school together and experiencing a connection that straddles the thin line between romance and homosociality. Homosociality like this among women has historically been and to this day remains somewhat under the radar and perceived as a "phase" or an amateur attempt at romance before a woman eventually marries a man. This is where we see significant overlap between pre/early modern Japanese male homosexual literature and lesbian literature, where homosexuality is seen as a youthful phase that will inevitably be grown out of (as in the case with the chigo system, LUG (lesbian before graduation), etc). Essentially, it was very common for the characters of early modern queer literature (mostly written by queer authors btw) to have brief and passionate schoolyard flings before graduating onto "normal" sexuality. Of course, these narratives fell out of style and are considered dead today, but their remnants can still be seen in the subsequent shojo and modern gl manga boom. The yuri that grew from this in the beginning was usually explicitly erotic, but still somewhat held onto the predominant themes of schoolgirl innocence and youthful beauty. Over time, meanings and terminology shifted, and the "yuri" we use today is more interchangeable with "gl", meaning it's not so much of an indicator of explicit content as "yaoi" is. However, I would still argue that one of the largest indicators of a story's "yuri factor" (if you could say that) is its ties to the establishing homosociality progressed into homoromantic relationship genre expectation. Of course, there are many wlw stories that subvert this, (as there are many mlm stories that subvert the yaoi or even bl template) but to me, if you were to compare yaoi and yuri's theming, yaoi's focus tends to skew more towards the intimacy in explicit eroticism, while yuri looks more into the implicit eroticism in intimacy. If that makes sense.

Of course, when looking into "boy yuri" there's also a transfem-coding factor to consider, which I think is what the majority of people have in mind when they refer to a couple as "boy yuri". Historically, there is massive precedent for feminization between male queer couples in historical Japanese literature, as well as in early modern relatives of bl, mainly Inagaki Taruho's work, so it would be somewhat disingenuous to say feminization is a purely modern, female-created phenomenon. But anyway, those are my (somewhat messy and likely inaccurate) thoughts so far, let me know what you all think. Have a happy yaoimas and merry new yuri, as they say.

[indecisive-dizzy]

Alright the Gravity Falls brain rot is kicking in (aka I watched a 4hr video overanalyzing ATOTS <3 iykyk)

So have a loosely thought out concept of a hypothetical Welcome Home x Gravity Falls au with my "Hear me out!"s This is a long one, you've been warned <3

Wally - Dipper

Sally - Mabel

Julie - Stanley

Frank - Stanford

Eddie - Soos

Barnaby - Wendy

Poppy - Abuelita

Howdy - Gideon

Home - Bill???

Ok hear me out! (under the cut) Please ignore typos <3

Very quick clarification! For this au everyone is at least in their teens and I'm gonna add their ages as I elaborate. Ok? Ok!

Gonna Start with Poppy and Eddie. In this hypothetical au Poppy is Not Eddie's grandmother. Originally I thought of assigning Poppy the role of Lazy Susan but I wanted her to have a closer connection to the rest of the cast. And Abuelita fit the role well enough for me! She's just a sweet homebody who wants to knit and bake in peace. Eddie tells her all about work and Wally and Sally visit. <3

So Poppy and Eddie live together as Roommates/Family. Poppy took Eddie in as a teen (16ish) when she was in her early 20s (22-23?) He views her as a big sister. And she views him as a little brother. Anxiety siblings <3 (yes I hc Eddie has anxiety) Eddie started working for the shack soon after being taken under Poppy's wing. He's a tad forgetful and clumsy but is a very reliable handy man and a good friend! He's got a big heart and worries about Julie sometimes.

Currently, as in the time the au takes place, Eddie is 24 and Poppy is 30-31.

Julie and Frank would in fact make a Fantastic Mabel and Dipper. Tbh I think I've seen the comparison before. Which is exactly why I'm not doing it! They're not twins here but they are childhood friends and very close in age, Frank being slightly older. Currently, Julie is 57(?) and Frank is 58(?). (Ages aren't confirmed, all I know is I want them to be A Bit younger than the Stans. Currently this would put them in their late 20s at the time of the portal incident)

I feel like people sometimes forget that Frank is not against resorting to violence lol. Which is great for post portal Ford (and maybe Paranoia era Ford. bbg was not afraid to use that crossbow.) And Julie is a girl bossing business woman! She's scamming people selling breen to the tourists! Whatever that is! Tbh Big inspo for this decision is Relativity Falls, like I said these two make for great mystery twins.

So! Wally (15) as a teenage Dipper! It's just Wally but his curiosity is bumped to 100. Still the same lil guy but he's got a hyperfixation on the supernatural and cryptids. Maybe he hasn't quite figured out his style yet, maybe he's a bit more awkward, I dunno.

He kinda didn't want to spend his summer here but ends up enjoying himself as he makes friends and gets to over indulge his curiosity.

Sally (15) is Wally's adopted sister! By sheer coincidence they have the same birthday but Sally always points out that she's older because she was "born at sunrise!" She's very adventurous and is often the one leading their escapades. I imagine she meets this aus equivalent of Candy and Grenda at the local theater. Very much wants to be her own person, separating herself from the Adopted Twins thing. Not in a bad way! She loves Wally very much but wants people to see her as Sally! Not just "Wally's Sister."

Barnaby (22) is very laid back and so is Wendy. Yeah I don't actually have a lot to say? Um. He does the bare minimum work but is a good friend to Julie. He's real observant and can tell she's not always as bubbly as she seems But she's also his boss so he doesn't pry. Instead just offering a distraction or a rare bit of advice..

Oh! There's a parallel with him and Wally and Wendy and Dipper. Except Wally just wants to be friends with Barnaby but doesn't quite know how to communicate that. Maybe he just kinda follows him around the shack hoping to figure out what to say?

Thinking their relationship is literally the recent quote from Clown's Q&A: "Barnaby meeting Wally felt like business as usual, and Wally meeting Barnaby felt like meeting the whole world." yeah that's it. Sums it up Perfectly <3 Wally thinks Barnaby is really cool and friendly. And he wants a friend who treats him like he's mature. Like he's 15, not 5. And Barnaby does that right out the gate. Calls him kid but obviously doesn't treat him like a small child.

Ahem. Capitalism. Howdy's (21) a filthy capitalist and wants the shack for Profit. I don't think he'd resort to literal breaking and entering to get the deed? Can't make Profit from jail if he gets caught. But he's definitely trying to buy the property off of Julie. Maybe we stray further from Gravity Falls canon and say he gets an early redemption bc I'm a sucker for this goof. It would be sometime after taking the shack (and losing it.) Oh but he does summon the Evil. Can't break the law if the law doesn't account for Interdimensional Demons!

On that note, Yes Howdy could be Stanley. But again. That's the easy way out! Also in my brain that would make,, idk Barnaby? Ford. And I couldn't do that.

Ok final (wh) character. Home. So I'm on the side of Home Isn't Evil/The Antagonist. He's just a guy (house)! A sassy fella! But someone's gotta be the Eldritch Horror and Unfortunately, Home,,, well he's a lil quirky!

But idk How to incorporate Home. They speak in onomatopoeias! They're a house! Is Home now a Vague 2D House Shaped Demon? Do the have Limbs? Wear a top hat? Do they talk now? Home speaking words feels cursed. But I genuinely don't what else to do? Maybe we suspend our disbelief and they still talk through banging shutters. Everyone just understands them bc Cartoon logic pffff maybe they have subtitles projected into your brain that only you can see idk lol.

So obviously there's Way more GF characters than there are WH characters. insert characters [(y/n)] aren't my thing for aus so that's a no go for me personally. I imagine the town is filled with characters we've heard of outside the neighbors (Ma Beagle of course lives in town.) Maybe some of Howdy's family is here who knows. And the rest would be randos or ocs I guess! Tho I don't believe Julie's siblings are in town.

Anywho this is all hypothetical and I made it up and retyped things as I went along. I wanted to ramble some nonsense so I did! If you read it, Awesome! You sure did that!

[kittenofdoomage]

Sweetheart

Summary: Sometimes he's a hunting partner, sometimes he's... something else.

Pairing: John Winchester x female!reader

Word Count: 2060

Warnings: Backseat of the truck smut (including fingering, dirty talk, full penetrative sex), teasing, very little in the way of plot - 18+ content.

Ao3 (over 800 fics to read!)

Author's Note: Yeah, I know I don't post much here anymore, but I'm having a crappy day, and I feel like some other people might be having crappy days too so I thought some John PWP might cheer someone up, I dunno 🤣

You had always prided yourself on your ability to cope without anyone else around, but there was something about John Winchester that kept dragging you back to his side, although this time it was the final death of your beloved Camry that had put you firmly in the passenger seat of his truck. He had been fresh off of a ghoul hunt, and you were planning on chasing down a spirit in Kentucky - turning down his help would have been rude. It didn’t hurt that the man was pretty to look at, even if he was hard to get a read on. The last few times you had hunted together had ended in some of the most fantastic sex you could have ever imagined but since he’d come to your rescue, he had barely looked your way.

“Have I pissed you off?” you asked, watching him from your side of the front seat.

He spared you a glance that lasted only a second, and his lips twitched as if they wanted to curl into a smile. “Not at all, sweetheart. It’s just been a long few months.” You pulled a face, looking out of the window at the rolling corn fields, illuminated by the setting sun. John chuckled, tilting his head slightly. “Was I giving you the impression you had?”

“I dunno,” you sighed with a shrug. “You’re normally a little more… interested.”

“We got a thousand miles to cover,” he pointed out. “I figured you’d wanna get some shuteye.”

“I’m good for a few hours.”

“You can put the radio on if you want.”

He wasn’t getting it, though you hadn’t met a man yet that was good with hints. Sighing again, you leaned forward, switching the radio on and fiddling with the dial until you found a station playing something you liked. John didn’t seem to care about the music, focusing on the road ahead as it darkened once the sun had disappeared behind the corn.

Finding a motel on the back roads he was taking was next to impossible, so when he pulled onto a secluded side road and parked up a few hours later, you didn’t complain. The truck had a back seat in addition to the front bench, and he gave you the choice of which you wanted, and it was all you could do not to suggest sharing. Instead, you climbed over and tried to get comfortable underneath a blanket, attempting to actually sleep when all you wanted was laying less than two feet away.

Your fantasies were running wild, leaving you uncomfortably aroused, replaying the last time he’d actually touched you over and over in your mind. It wasn’t in you to come out and say it, to ask him for what you really wanted, and your fingers itched to take care of the problem, the little devil voice in the back of your mind encouraging you on, promising he wouldn’t notice, though you probably wouldn’t have minded if he did. Still, you didn’t move, glaring daggers into the back of the seat concealing him from your sight.

After your tenth heavy sigh of frustration, you heard him shift. “You okay back there?”

“Mmhmm.”

A beat passed, then he moved again, dark eyes suddenly peering at you over the top of the driver’s side of the bench seat, one eyebrow quirked high. “You don’t sound okay.”

Your mind scrambled for an excuse, avoiding the obvious answer of telling him the truth. “It’s a little cold,” you mumbled, shrugging lightly.

He huffed out a tiny laugh, then disappeared from sight, rocking the whole truck a second later as he hoisted himself over the top and into the back of the cab. You squeaked when he tugged you out of the way with a gruff “scoot over” and settled behind you, warm arms encircling you from behind.

“Better?” he asked.

You shivered at the close contact, feeling him press along the whole length of your body, one hand splayed possessively over your belly. Outside the truck, it started to rain, drops splattering heavily against the windows. “Yeah,” you breathed, hoping he couldn’t sense the quiver in your tone.

“Shame we didn’t come across a motel,” John murmured, hot breath fanning across your throat, the sensation making a beeline to your cunt and your insides clenched. “This ain’t so bad though, right, sweetheart?”

Forcing your eyes shut, you closed your eyes, trying not to think about how easy it would be for him to take you like this. His body was so warm against yours, and even with the material between you, you imagined you could feel his cock pressing into you from behind, inspiring a fresh wave of moisture at your core. John’s nose brushed the shell of your ear, and you couldn’t help the tiny noise that escaped your lips, a moan he didn’t miss.

“What was that?” he asked with a playful tone, the hand on your belly slipping just a little lower.

“Nothing,” you exhaled, shaking your head.

“Hmmm, it didn't sound like nothing.”

He was fucking with you now, you were sure of it. “I can’t sleep,” you complained, still keeping your eyes closed. He hummed again, lips on the back of your neck now, hand gently tugging your lower half harder into his body. “You’re too…”

“Too what?” he teased.

You groaned, finding it increasingly hard to resist the urge to grind back against him. “John,” you mewled, almost choking on air.

“Thought you were cold, sweetheart?” he grunted, pulling your ass flush with his crotch, letting you feel the outline of his erection through the fabric of his pants and yours. You gasped, grabbing the edge of the seat underneath you as you let your body react, pushing back into him.

“Stop calling me that,” you whined.

“What, sweetheart?” He chuckled, lips against your ear again. “Why would I do that when I know how fucking wet it gets you?” The moan you let loose this time was louder, and he laughed, letting his fingers brush underneath the front of your pants. “You think I didn’t notice you squirming away all day? What were you thinking about? Maybe the last time we saw each other?” You nodded, biting your lips when his fingertips crept underneath your waistband. “Hmmm, it’s been on my mind too.”

You writhed in his hold, desperate for his touch to be lower, but he seemed intent on teasing you. Another needy gasp of his name made him laugh again, and you whimpered, pinned in his strong hold. His fingers made short work of the buttons on your jeans, bypassing the thin cotton panties covering you until he was brushing against your wet folds, a low moan reverberating against your ear.

“Goddamn, I forgot how wet this sweet little pussy could get,” he rumbled. “Haven’t forgotten how good you felt wrapped around my cock though, sweetheart. Been losing sleep thinking about it.”

His words made you whimper, and you arched your back as a single fingertip found your clit, circling it as he pressed his lips to your neck. He kept moving his hand, inspiring a shudder that ran up the length of your spine before descending again, and when you parted your thighs to try and give him more room, he chuckled.

“That’s it, sweetheart.”

The pet name did exactly what he wanted it to do, and you felt your entire body tighten in anticipation as his hand dug further into your pants, two thick digits finding your soaked entrance. He didn’t hesitate, sinking them into you as far as he could, restricted by the denim but still enough to make you cry out his name in ecstasy. When he pulled his hand away in the next moment, you went to protest, only for him to tug at your pants until they were slipping over your hips.

“Get these off,” he ordered, and you rushed to obey, barely noticing him reaching for his own belt. The backseat of the truck was bigger than the average car, but it still restricted your movements, and it took a few seconds to push your pants down, kicking your sneakers off so you could discard them entirely. John didn’t even bother with his boots, shoving his pants down to his ankles before lifting, forcing you to roll onto your back.

You looked up at him breathlessly, aware of his cock pressing against your inner thigh. “John -”

“Ssh,” he muttered, leaning down to kiss you as he reached between your bodies. Instinctively, you lifted your knees, parting your thighs as much as you could, moaning when you felt the thick head of his cock brush through your folds. “You ready for me, sweetheart?” he asked, teasing you with the threat of penetration, letting your slick coat his skin.

You couldn’t force the words out, nodding as you stared up at him wide-eyed, feeling the throb in your core. He grinned, kissing you again as he pushed forward, breaching you with one hard stroke, burying himself deep inside. The sound you made was muffled by his lips, and you threw your arms around his neck as he slipped his hands underneath your shoulders, letting his weight pin you down. It was almost suffocating but only in a way that made you feel incredibly satisfied.

He remained still for a moment, looking down at you with an odd look on his face, but you were too drunk on him to give it much thought, squirming in an effort to make him move. When you whined needily, John grinned, rolling his hips into you to let you feel how deep he was. “Impatient?” he chided softly, kissing along your jaw.

You keened quietly, glancing up at the window as the rain got a little harder against, seeing nothing but darkness beyond the glass. “Something like that,” you whispered back, sliding one hand across the back of his neck to pull him into a deeper kiss, rocking your hips to encourage him to move.

He finally started to withdraw, sinking in again before he could escape the clutch of your slick channel entirely, and you moaned on his reentry, trying to find purchase on the leather with your feet. When he slammed into your sweet spot, your toes curled and you moaned into his mouth, breaking the kiss to cry out.

“Gonna get you in a bed tomorrow night, sweetheart,” he panted, moving faster, harder, punching the breath out of you with each thrust. You released your hold on him to grab at the headrest with one hand and the door above you with the other, whining through the build up of pleasure as he lifted enough to get better leverage behind his strokes. It was too easy to come apart for him, but he wasn’t satisfied with how quickly you broke. His hand dipped between your bodies, and when his thumb brushed your clit, you cried out, bucking onto him, tossing your head back.

“John!” you gasped, chest heaving.

He grinned, rubbing the tiny bud with the calloused pad of his thumb in time with his thrusts. “Just let go,” he crooned. “Gimme everything you got.”

With a high-pitched cry, you came, arching up as you clung to the headrest. John growled, taking the opportunity to slide his arm underneath your back, fucking you through your orgasm almost like you were a ragdoll. His climax was hot on the heels of yours, drawn out by the pulsing of your walls around him, and he groaned into your throat as he spilled into you, slowing to a stop as his seed dribbled out around his shaft.

Both of you were still and silent as you came down from your respective highs. He nuzzled at your throat, slowly letting you fall back onto the seat, still buried deep. You made no attempt to move, content with the weight of him inside and on top of you, warm from head to toe.

“You said something about a bed,” you mumbled, rolling your head to look at him as he gazed at you.

“Tomorrow night,” he replied, smoothing his hand over your shirt to cup your breast through the fabric. “As spacious as this truck is, I wanna see you all spread out for me.” He leered as you moaned, cunt clenching around his renewing erection. “Sweetheart.”

I love feedback, btw 😘

[ragsy]

"Olive Branch Unlimited Pasta Pass"

A less-than friendly encounter between Dogmark and Kenneth. 993 words. Read under the cut 👇

---

Mark grimaced at the jangle of the shop bell. It was ten minutes to closing; surely nobody needed taxidermy services this urgently. He was going to have to fucking sweep again, and why can't these people ever just put the dead cat in the damn freezer for the night?

He was halfway through his Customer Service Greeting-- a dry and listless "Hi, let me know if you need anything" with an implied "I hope you don't," when--

"Oh. Uh. Hi Kenneth," Mark coughed.

Kenneth, as it were, stepped into the Tucksidermy shop, taking in the many display shelves of magician squirrels, burlesque raccoons, and deer with hats, before finally catching Mark's attention. He smiled, though it did not reach his eyes. "Ah! Mark! Working hard?"

Kenneth let the shop door swing shut behind him; he held a large tupperware container tucked under one elbow, and his other hand gripped something in his pocket. For a man who had walked with a cane for as long as Mark knew him, Kenneth was moving with awfully fluid, easy strides.

Mark eyed the container with heavy suspicion. If there was someone's dearly departed family pet in there, he just might scream.

"Just. Uh. Closing up for the night," he said, setting his broom aside.

"Fantastic!" grinned the older man. "Then I hope you don't mind me asking: is Tuck in?"

Mark's pointed ears flicked.

Tuck had been different since coming back from the last mission. They hadn't told him everything that had happened, and the wedge between them and Kenneth remained vague handwaves and omissions. But still, holes in a story still leave behind the shape of some great and unspeakable thing.

And, if he was being honest, Mark was kinda creeped out by the way that guy was always so chipper. If he had more than a measly ounce of candor, he wouldn't have minded telling the old man to fuck off.

Mark slipped his glasses off and polished them on the front of his shirt.

"Tuck's not here," he lied.

Kenneth's face fell. "Oh! Are they, ah, are they alright?"

"Just-... Busy. I dunno."

This was, at least partially, the truth. The usual signs of Tuck is Working were present: Muffled FM radio pulsing through the wall. A hovering scent of blood and chemicals. A bearing in the workshop vent fan that squeaked at a frequency only dog ears could hear.

Kenneth furrowed his brow. "Oh. Hm."

That was another thing-- In the days since the mission to that facility, everyone had returned drained, bedraggled, frightened, or pissed off.

Everyone, that was, except Kenneth.

Kenneth, who Mark had seen take up jogging. Kenneth, whose familiar lines and wrinkles had begun to fade. Kenneth, whose sharpened eyes and revitalized wits now studied Mark, searching him for answers.

It all made Mark's skin crawl. Even as a grown-ass adult, he couldn't avoid feeling like a kid caught in a fib by a teacher. What the hell else was he supposed to say?Desperate for a break in eye contact, he replaced his glasses, grabbed the broom, and resumed sweeping.

Kenneth cleared his throat.

"Well, then, in any case, can I leave this here?" He was hoisting the container aloft in both hands. At Mark's skeptical stare at the plastic lid, he cracked open a corner, revealing a mess of pasta, tomatoes, and cheese.

Kenneth mistook Mark's sigh of relief for gratitude.

"Lasagna. I thought you both might appreciate some leftovers from dinner at Alice's house last night. So-- Ah, so sorry you had to miss it again!" The smile returned to his face. Uneasy. Apologetic.

Sorry. Right. Maybe they stayed home for a reason. Maybe they didn't want to be there with him. Maybe Tuck would have gone if he would just get rid of that fucking tape recorder. Mark's fingers twitched. Maybe he could take it from him the hard way.

He bit his tongue and swallowed his words.

"Um. Great," he said finally. He set down the broom and picked up the dustpan, dumping its contents unceremoniously in the trash.

"Ah," said Kenneth, crestfallen. Heavy silence fell over the two of them.

Once it was clear that Mark would make no move to accept the offering, Kenneth crossed the room and placed the container on the register counter. He patted the lid conclusively.

"Well, ah, I-... I hope you enjoy it!" A glimmer of hope clung to the edges of his words with desperation.

Once again, Mark said nothing. Folding his arms, his gaze darted from the tupperware, to the clock above it, to Kenneth. He sighed and swiped a hand down his face.

"Please go."

"Wh— Pardon?"

"We're closed."

Kenneth blinked. "O-oh, so soon?"

He swept his eyes across the shop. "Will, ah, will Tuck be back soon then, maybe?"

Mark thrust a clawed finger towards the door. "Get. Out," he growled, his human mask vaporized in an instant. A snarl curled up his snout, and his hackles bristled. Enough was enough.

The older man staggered backwards, eyes wide in terror. He raised his hands in submission and, without another word, fumbled open the door and slunk outside.

Mark slammed the shop door behind him and twisted the deadbolt shut. He glanced at the clock again. Five til was probably close enough.

Seething, he finished his chores and stalked out the back door.

Later, he rapped his knuckles on the doorframe to Tuck's workshop.

"Hey, we're all closed up now. I'm gonna get going." His voice shook a little, but he had at least managed to hide the dog back away.

Tuck looked up from its workbench. "Oh, heya Mark," it drawled. "Customers give ya any trouble today?"

"No. All good. See you tomorrow."

He hoisted the shop trash bag on his way out the door and slung it into the dumpster. It landed against the metal bottom with a heavy thud.

Kenneth's olive branch would be left there to rot until pickup day.

[importantbusinessdinosaur]

Today in comics - Hi. How ya doing. I'm taking a break from assignments.

Let's, let's talk about DC crossover comics for a little bit. They do a lot of them. Some of them aren't Scooby Doo.

So how about this, we talk about two bad ones, then a good one.

Okay. First cab off the rank:

I will happily say I missed the boat on whatever Rwby was, but I want to make an assumption that it involves a lot of talking because boy howdy, there's a lot of that. A lot of this goes over my head.

Okay let's get to the real treat of this thing. It looks so bad.

the real treat of this is them forgetting superman has that big s on his chest

Okay so that was funny bad, let's look at just, a lot of crossovers you see and go "Why". Let me show you

Batman meets Faze Clan. Who are faze clan?

According to wikipedia, apparently call of duty streamers.

Why.

Batman needs the help of real gamers to save heroes from vr headsets

This would be fun if they weren't, well, them? It's the most someone forked out a ton of cash for this and nothing else was involved kind of thing. Anyway they kill Mister Freeze and take his imprisoned wife as a trophy

There were six issues of the rwby one and at least it was entertaining to look at, there's one issue of this and I don't even want to get through the whole thing. Let's move on to good stuff.

Which is honestly something I didn't expect to say about a fortnite comic. Let's talk nitty gritty for a minute. Zero point is written by Christos Gage, he's been around writing comics a long while,

He's written some really good comics. And on art for this, Reilly Brown.

Reilly.

Fucking.

Brown.

(Read Incredible Hercules please)

So yeah, actual great creative team. What's the deal with the comic? I'm going to give you a brief outline and then cut to my favourite part. SO. Batman ends up on the battle royale island, and no one can talk.

On top of that, he's got no memories. Every time the storm finishes its loop his memory gets wiped.

So what does batman do in this situation?

He starts to figure it out loop by loop because well, Batman. Does what it says on the tin. Batman figures out how to get out.

Yall this is a fantastic read. Anyway. On to the best part. So the people running the island and all that stuff catch on that batman is going to get out. They need to stop him. So they do the thing that makes the most logical sense:

They send Snake Eyes after him.

It's really cool. And they keep fighting every loop. To the point where everyone catches on, and the battle royale stops. Entirely.

Because everyone wants to watch Snake Eyes fight Batman. This is one of my favourite pages in recent memory. It's so freaking dumb.

So thanks for joining me on this, why talk about this now? Well there's a multiversus one going on and it's being written by Bryan Q Miller, so it's exceptionally dumb and maybe take a look I dunno.

Anyway what was I getting at? Oh yeah read plastic man.

[seriouslysam8]

Sam, as a resident expert on all things Sirius Black, do you think JKR killed him off as early as she did because she couldn't figure out how to handle a character that complex and how to build the plot for Book 6 (which imo, would've been a much better point to kill him off) in the way where Sirius' participation wouldn't simply steam roll the horcrux hunt?

Like, as painful as his arc was in OotP, he serves as a fantastic plot device to show the depth of corruption of the Ministry, the prejudices in WW (on both sides of the conflict, gosh, as much as I hate Manipulative!Dumbledore trope, he really earns his morally grey card in that book, like did this man with an isolated sister not know what isolation does to a person?).

I understand why in the context of the "child hero" story that HP is the wise mentors (Dumbledore) and parental figures (Sirius) have to die. But why did she have to kill him that early and in such an underwhelming way, why? And given that the books are from Harry's POV how the fuck did Sirius' death not leave a Mariana trench-deep gaping hole haunting the narrative for the rest of the series (dunno if you read ASOIAF, but good example of that would be Ned Stark's death haunting everyone, including Theon)? Like, wtf, JKR tried her best to whitewash Snape in DH, she redeemed him in Harry's eyes via Albus Severus' name and that speech in the epilogue, but Sirius dies and it's all nice and forgotten throughout the 1/3 of HBP? Did she genuinely hate his character or what?

*rant over, why did I even start re-reading the series past the DoM battle

LMFAO! I would hardly call myself an expert. The way I write Sirius isn't even 100% canon given the fact that I adore the old school headcanons involving leather jackets and tattoos.

I've heard people say she killed Sirius off so early, because she hated Wolfstar. I don't think that true, but I could be wrong.

I've also heard people say she killed him off so early because he was based off an ex-boyfriend and she hated that he was so popular. I have no idea if this is even true or where this even started. But, if it is true, her loss because Sirius is the shit.

Then, I've heard the age old everyone needs to die so our hero can go at it alone bullshit. You know what I'd rather read? I dunno some orphan boy who had to go it alone his entire life and finally have someone who would go to the edge of the earth for him and have them go at it together. It would have been so much more interesting than the camping trip from hell storyline that was DH. Instead of Neville at Hogwarts running the DA with Ginny, it should have been Ron. Like the trusted best friend and sidekick becoming the main character in his own right.

But, anyway, I agree with you. Sirius' death should have been more impactful than it was. I mean, this was Harry's ONLY family and yet... he's fine not that long after it happened? I would think our boy would be FUCKED UP for a long time, especially after hearing the contents of the prophecy.

But I do wish he would have stayed around a bit longer. Instead of Hedwig dying saving Harry in DH, what if Sirius had? Like swooping into the line of fire just like Jily did? It would have been a more impactful and would have hurt your soul a lot more than being killed by fucking curtains.

[jazzajazzjazz]

My thoughts on DAV for anyone who gives a shit:

Heavy spoilers under cut (read at your own risk)

Stuff I liked:

* The abundance of book/comic characters that made appearances. I really enjoyed meeting a character and excitedly saying ‘oh it’s [NAME]!’ Evka and Antoine were absolutely wonderful and I adore them and would die for them

* The environments are stunningly beautiful, particularly Treviso. I also love how darkly oppressive and hopeless Hossberg felt. And the Necropolis are you KIDDING ME 😭😍

* Generally speaking I enjoyed the companions and how they were written. Emmrich was absolutely my favourite but I also loved Davrin and Bellara, and I found Neve and Lucanis very endearing also.

* Bellara being more than the token quirky girl was such a wonderful surprise

* The CC is SO fun to play with like wow

* Boss fights are pretty cool

* Act 3 battle in Minrathous was a lot of fun

* English fem Rook’s voice is fantastic and it’s so refreshing to hear a Geordie accent (my own accent, no less!) in DA

* Combat is a lot of fun and for the first time playing a mage in DA I actually felt dangerous.

* Ghilly is just so cool and utterly unhinged. I dreaded her next scene because I wondered what other abominable shit she could possibly do

Stuff I disliked:

* The romances are utterly lackluster. I romanced Davrin and while I adore the man and enjoyed the scenes I got with him there was barely any chemistry between he and Rook. By the time they slept together they had kissed twice (and that was in ONE scene). The flirty lines are barely even flirtatious at all. And why can’t we kiss our LI’s whenever we want? Why would you take that away???

* Why isn’t there any option to just….talk to your companions? Ask them questions? Ask Neve about her most infamous cases, her upbringing, who designed her badass prosthetic. Ask Davrin about his clan, how long he’s been a Warden, and about some of the monsters he’s hunted. Make the companions feel like they have….I dunno, lives?

* Why boast that your game has nudity when it doesn’t even make an appearance outside of the CC? Even then it was just tits?

* Where is the cruelty of Thedas? The injustice? The slavery? The racism? My Rook is an elf from Minrathous for goodness sake. (and don’t use this point of mine to accuse me of ‘fantasising about racism’ like one smoothbrained fuck on reddit did) But if you’re gonna establish that your world has these terrible things and then said terrible things just sort of vanish or aren’t mentioned then it looks like HR was in the room with the writers.

* Taash’s weird ass writing

* Inconsistencies in the quality of voice acting. I’m not talking about audio but the acting itself. Sometimes Neve’s performance was very weak.

* The music is completely forgettable and Trevor Morris should have been brought back. The theme that played during the boss fight with Ghilly made me exclaim (OUT LOUD) ‘The fuck is this shit ass music?’

* Why didn’t Maevaris have her gorgeous blonde curls what did you do to her

* Dorian was just there because Dorian. Same with Isabela. Thank god they didn’t bring Fenris back 🙏

* The Varric twist is just kinda dumb

* Solas doesn’t really act very Solas-y? 🤷🏻‍♀️

* Having to choose between Davrin or Harding felt so forced to me. Making it so the one you pick can die if you haven’t built up their loyalty? Okay, I can buy that. Especially since late act 2/act 3 of this game is very much a DA version of ME2. But I guess Harding will always be my choice because honestly even with the Titan stuff I found her boring

* Basically everything coming back to ‘it was the Elves!!!!’ is boring

* Rendering the previous games obsolete/pointless was a spineless decision made by the writers and I hope they feel bad about it

* The Executors twist is pathetic and ridiculous and I completely disregard it

* We could have had a quest where we rescue/encounter whoever was left behind in the Fade in DAI? Wow fuck you too

Companion Ranking

1 - Emmrich - everything I hoped for and more. He’s eccentric, he’s goth af, he’s almost excessively polite, and he is just an absolute delight to be around. He’s wonderful and I adore him. I will absolutely be romancing him next when I feel like doing another playthrough.

2 - Davrin - I’ll readily admit that I’m a bit biased because Davrin was my LI and is utterly gorgeous but that being said I love him to bits. I love his arc of basically working out how to be a dad to Assan. I love his confidence, and I’m a sucker for a tough guy character with a cute hobby. And I was HELLA invested in getting those damn griffons back.

3 - Bellara - I mentioned above that I was relieved that Bel was so much more than the token quirky girl and my god was she a breath of fresh air. At first I still wasn’t sold on her because of that tonal whiplash in Act 1 but once I gave her the time she needed I related to her more and more.

4 - Neve - Again I may be biased as I played a SD Rook and I love detective characters but I thought Neve was great. Her relationship with my Rook was like that of a big sister and I bought it completely. I love how she wonders aloud about problems and mysteries.

5 - Lucanis - I like Lucanis, don’t get me wrong. But I feel like he’s easily the most half baked and under-utilised companion in DAV by a country mile. So much of him just doesn’t feel finished, and Spite is just….barely there. He deserved better. Also, I get it. He likes coffee. Quit mentioning it all the damn time, game.

6 - Harding - Boring. Simple as that. I didn’t give a shit about Harding in DAI but at least she had a personality? Her whole thing relates to the Titans, one of most interesting pieces of lore in the DA universe, and they managed to make her completely forgettable. 🥱

7 - Taash - Felt like Taash’s entire existence is as an after school special/self insert. Their ‘growth’ was paced weirdly and their hypocritical attitude stinks. They came across so well in Vows & Vengeance and I was really looking forward to meeting them and was very disappointed. They do get better as the game progresses but it felt like it was too little, too late.

Final Thoughts

I don’t think this is a bad game, and I’m an OG DA fan who has been here from the very beginning. I think it’s a much better DA game than Andromeda was as a ME game and I maintain that there are plenty of things to enjoy about Veilguard. I will play it again.

THAT BEING SAID there are a ton of things I had to purposely ignore (retconning, weird dialog, characters acting out of character, etc) in order to enjoy certain parts of the game and I shouldn’t have to do that. It’s very apparent that long term fans of the series aren’t the target audience anymore and that ultimately feels like a betrayal. It stings.

I’m not giving a rating because I don’t do that but yeah those are my thoughts. I genuinely enjoyed most of my time with this game but I mourn what this series has become and what could have been. So much of this game just feels….unfinished.

[raisingcain7433]

Incorrect Quotes

Harry: Guys, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly. Valkyrie, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.

Valkyrie: I refuse to apologize for being weird or off-putting. That’s actually your problem. I’m having a fantastic time!

Harry: WHY DID YOU KILL HIM?! HE COULD HAVE HAD HOPES AND DREAMS, HE COULD HAVE HAD A FAMILY!!! Valkyrie: Harry- Valkyrie: It- it was just an ant-

Valkyrie: I eat cheerios because they’re heart healthy. Valkyrie: And my heart has been severely damaged, so Militsa, if you’re out there—

Harry: I wanna be a knight! Valkyrie, a knight: What the fuck do you want this shit for? I kill people, all right? Their blood is on my hands! Every night, when I go to sleep, I see their FUCKING faces staring at me! Their families weep, and I FEEL NOTHING! I’M DEAD INSIDE! Harry: Man, I want some of that in my life!

Valkyrie: Do you want some tea? Fletcher: What are the options? Valkyrie: Yes or no.

Harry: Do you feel any better? Valkyrie: I feel much better now that you here with me. Fletcher walks in Valkyrie: I feel half better.

Fletcher: I’m so excited! Valkyrie: We’re gonna have the best costumes, get the most candy… Fletcher: And have the biggest stomach aches ever! Valkyrie: Yeah!

Fletcher: What do you three have to say for yourself? Nefarian: Skulduggery: Valkyrie: Oops?

Valkyrie: What’s wrong? Harry: I have to write a whole paragraph for school. Valkyrie: That’s not so bad; I write entire books. Harry: Yeah, but this has to be good.

Nefarian: Dude, I will never forgive Craigslist for banning me after I wrote a post seeking a sworn nemesis. Whoever reported that is obviously my nemesis but I was so pissed.

Skulduggery: Just trust me. Have I ever put you in an unsafe or uncomfortable situation? Fletcher: All the time. Skulduggery: Then you should be used to it by now.

Harry: Last night I found out Valkyrie is a sleep talker. Skulduggery: Oh, really? Harry: "The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." Right. In. My. Ear. At 3am.

Nefarian: cooking Fletcher: kicks down door Fletcher: grabs knife from Nefarian's hand Fletcher: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR? Nefarian: Nefarian: What. Harry: He's trying to tell you he wants to cook.

Nefarian: Wow, left handed AND British? You really are an illusion.

Fletcher: How do Valkyrie and Harry usually get out of these messes? Skulduggery: They don't. They just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out.

Nefarian: Help! I’m drowning! Valkyrie: Calm down. We’re only in six feet of water! Nefarian: NOT ALL OF US ARE TALL!

Skulduggery: Come on, you need to go to bed. Harry Snuffles says that I can stay up as long as I want. And that you need to die! Skulduggery: … Skulduggery: What the hell, Sirius—

Skulduggery: So what’s the plan? Harry: I don’t know. You’re smart, points at Valkyrie they’re mean, come up with something.

Skulduggery: I dunno if I'm ready to process the ramifications of this bullshit.

Harry: So anyways have y'all seen Skulduggery? Valkyrie: I think they went in Nefarian's room 'studying'. Fletcher: Doubt that. I heard groans there. Meanwhile in Nefarian's room Skulduggery & Nefarian, fighting:

Harry, looking at a selfie of Valkyrie’s: I hate this photo. Valkyrie: I’m cute as fuck in that photo! I’m smiling kindly. Harry: You’re not smiling kindly; you look like you’re up to something. Valkyrie: Up to kindness.

Nefarian: Sometimes, I don’t realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.

Valkyrie: Stands in trash can. Skulduggery: Valkyrie, not again! You're not trash, you're at least recycling!

Valkyrie: Nefarian always accuses me of having a favourite but that’s not true. Valkyrie: I love Harry and all the not-Harrys equally.

Skulduggery, at the slightest provocation: I came into this earth screaming and covered in someone else's blood and and I'm not afraid to leave the same way.

Fletcher: Nefarian, you need to react when people cry! Nefarian: I did. I rolled my eyes.

Nefarian, shooing Skulduggery away: Can you go be depressed over there? You’re bumming out my whole area.

Nefarian: It smells like henway in here. Skulduggery: Harry: Skulduggery. Harry, forcefully: Doesn't it smell like henway in here? Skulduggery: sigh Skulduggery: What's a henway? Nefarian: OH ABOUT TEN POUNDS!

Valkyrie: I think I need a hug… Fletcher: Good thing I'm hug shaped! 45 minutes later Valkyrie: You… you can let go now. Fletcher: No, I absolutely cannot.

Valkyrie: Fletcher won’t wake up, what do I do? Nefarian: Did you try kicking him? Valkyrie: Yes. Nefarian: I’m out of ideas.

[huffle-dork]

Swap into the Crystalverse Chapter 1: Switch

Co-written with @crystalninjaphoenix

Read Swapboys | Read Switch | Read SwitchSwap | AO3 Link

Prologue

Tag list: @brokentimewatch

AN: so I haven’t written any more of switchswap yet cuz I gotta finish alt.exe first but Cry knows the plot points I’m planning so like- this takes place after switchswap where the Switch and Swap boys know each other and alludes to stuff that’ll happen in switchswap without giving away too much plot hghgg I’m sorry writing is hard but! I love this part :’) hope you enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the chaos that just happened, Bro Fantastic is met with sudden calm. It's late afternoon, and he's standing on a set of train tracks. On either side are station platforms with benches and lights that are just now turning on in preparation for evening. Everything is quiet.

Until--

"Hey!"

There's a man on one of the platforms. He has brown hair, dyed with streaks of green and black, and heterochromiac eyes: one blue, one green. One hand is reaching inside his black jacket's pocket, the other is held out, protectively shielding a redheaded boy--small for his age--who seems very curious about what just happened. "Get off the tracks!" the man says. "There's gonna be--wait a second, do I know you?"

Bro Fantastic shakes off the wave of vertigo from whatever that spell was and then dips down to his knees, clutching his burnt stomach. He blearily looks out at the man shouting at him- he looks like Jackie but… edgier- wait-!

Bro’s eyes widen and then he pushes himself off the tracks and bursts into the air then quickly lands in front of the man and boy. He laughs a bit dazedly, gripping his wound. “A-Anti!” He exclaims, blue silver power bright in his eyes. “Thank god this place has at least something familiar…”

Anti's eyes narrow in suspicion, then widen again. "Oh, fuck, yeah! You're--wait." He glances at the redheaded boy. "Uh, I mean--"

"Dad, I'm eleven, I hear you say that all the time," the boy says.

Anti laughs. "Alright, fine." He turns back to Bro. "You're from that--that other place. You're... Chase. Right. Sorry, I forgot your name." Then he notices the wound. He inhales sharply. "A-are you alright? Stupid question, you're not. Shit, we have to get to a hospital, uhhh..." He pulls out his phone.

Chase waves Anti off and tries not to let himself grimace, “no no I… I’m fine- I can heal fast just- hurts like a bitch till then…”

"I'm Will," says the boy.

Bro smiles down at the boy and waves, “Hi Will, you’re Anti’s son, huh? He def mentioned you pretty sure…”

"Yeah, this is Will," Anti repeats. "What're you doing here, anyway? How are you here?"

Chase’s eyes then widen as he straightens up and looks around frantically, “Oh shit right-! Uh I don’t know how it happened but- Magnificent… he took Alt- and made him use this weird doorway thingy! And then- god everything happened so fast… there was this huge burst of light then… I was here.” He shakes his head, “But god damn this… this isn’t good- Mag could still have Alt or- or he might go after some of you all again-!”

He looks at Anti desperately, squeezing his aching stomach. “Anti, can you help me find them?”

"Doorway thing...?" Anti is confused by that, but decides to move on. He's seen weirder. The point is that shit's going down. "Yeah, man, of course I'll help you find them. If that cat c--bitch is here, it could mean trouble..." He shivers just remembering things in that other world. "I gotta get Will home first, though. Or, maybe to Rama's house, it'll be safer that way. Yeah, I can call them to come here and pick him up."

"Daaaad," Will whines.

"No, don't be like that, bud, this is dangerous. Rama will keep you safe." Anti looks down at his phone again and starts tapping. "If you're sure that you can heal, we'll forget the hospital. I'm texting the others to let them know. Maybe they've seen Alt or Magnificent. In the meantime... I dunno. I need to stay here and wait for Rama to come get Will. You can stay too, or maybe I can give you the others' addresses and you can start looking around? Do you have your phone with you?"

Chase pats down his outfit in mid panic before relaxing, pulling out his phone. He’s not even in his super suit- but he does keep his utility belt tucked under his shirt sometimes. He’s wearing a tank top that looks like his super suit but with his emblem tinier in the upper corner- new merch he was trying out… heroes gotta eat too you know? And of course- his signature jacket, but one of his knock off ones that had a hood. He might not even need to whip out his mask- “yeah yeah I got it I….” He grips at his stomach and pushes past a wave of pain but it’s getting less and less. Only problem with super healing is it took energy from other parts of his body- meaning he might be grounded for a bit. God that sucked ass… but the others were always telling him he shouldn’t be pushing through injuries anyways. But his nerves were on fire thinking about Alt…

“I… fuck I guess I should try to recover for now… I might get myself lost otherwise. Hopefully one of the others might run into Alt…” He chewed on his lip in worry. “I hope he’s okay… and that whatever magic Mag used- hopefully he’ll be out of commission for a bit…” But- things like that don’t usually go their way.

"Okay good." Anti looks at him, concerned. "Yeah, sit down, man. There are benches everywhere. Alt's pretty tough, he'll be fine for a little while." Probably. Maybe.

Bro nods and stumbles to sink into a bench, holding his wound. He could feel it closing up and hardening but god that burned like a motherfucker. Sometimes he hated his ability- but it made it so he could save people faster and that’s what matters.

"Okay so I don't think cell reception works in other universes but WiFi is probably fine, so turn on the WiFi texting option so we can reach you just in case. I'll call my friend to come get Will." Anti glances down at his own phone. "Looks like Jackie and Schneep might be here soon, too. Good."

"I like your jacket," Will says to Bro.

Anti laughs. "Yeah, his jacket is cool."

Bro blinks and then smiles at Will, “Thanks lil dude! I… designed it myself- kinda- this is, a knockoff of the one I made. Superhero Fan merch you know-“ ah his delirium is showing off his adhd wonderful but hey, maybe this kid likes superheroes…

"Oh, cool. A real superhero?" Will's eyes are wide. "Like Uncle Schneep? Wicked. Michelle would go crazy!"

Bro grins wide and nods, “Yup! I’m Bro Fantastic~!” Shit did he even have his mask? He was too tired to check- would be cool to show the kid though. “Though you little dude, can just call me Chase if ya want- or bro~!”

Will looks over at Anti. "How do you know this guy?!"

Anti smiles gently. Eleven-year-olds are probably smart enough to understand multiverses, right? But are they emotionally ready to deal with that being real? Probably not. "It's a long story." Anti sits down on the other side of the bench Bro sits on. "Uh... we have some time. I'll explain..." Bro settles in to listen to Anti’s retelling, even if all he could feel was dull panic swirling in his gut.

-----------

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the city, Alt pops into being in a suburb. It's fairly ordinary-looking. Houses are taken care of. Except... for one. One that has yellowing grass, grayed peeling paint, and shingles falling off the roof. But Alt doesn't see that right away. He appears with his back to it.

Alt’s body is hard to piece back together at first, pixels and shapes at first before finally snapping back together. He crashes to the ground and grips tightly at his arm, biting back a pained scream. Black magic pulses painfully in his veins and it burned, eating away at him. Purple still fought in his eyes but- he was away from Mag and his influence so it was starting to clear. He grit his teeth and ducked his head to the ground, letting out an angry scream. “that MOTHER F̵̟̂U̵̎̉C̷̡̈́Ḱ̸͊E̵͐̒R̷͂̇!”

Okay okay- he needed to try to figure out what the hell was happening… all he could piece together was Mag took him, and used him for something. Something dangerous… Chase was there but- didn’t manage to stop it. Alt finally peeks up his head to try to look around, feeling himself pale. This… this wasn’t Brighton- it didn’t feel right. God no- did Mag actually manage to- to multiverse hop?? And he used Alt to do it!

Alt glitches angrily and curses up a storm as he tries to get to his feet. Ugh he feels faint- but he has to try to get up. He has to stop Mag- he has to find Chase!

As Alt struggles to get up, the door to the house behind him slowly opens. Then he hears it. The voice, so hard to describe and yet so distinct in its indistinctness.

"Well look who's back!"

Alt’s blood runs cold and he stumbles back from the door, unable to stop his limbs from starting to tremble. His eyes widen and he tries to glitch back but the black magic flares and leaves his body only fizzing with glitches. “No- no no no- not you…!” He whispers, dread filling every inch of his body.

Distorter giggles. How did he get so close to Alt without him realizing?! He's only a few feet away. "How'd you get here, Anti?" he asks, grin widening. "All by yourself, too? None of those friends of yours with you? Aw, what a shame. But it's okay." He takes a few steps forward. "They'd only get in the way." His head tilts to the side. "Looks like you're having trouble there. Can't get those powers to work like they should? How useless."

Alt’s panicking, trying to back away as he feels gray fogging up his vision. No no no!

“I… I don’t know- Mag… Mag did something…! He… he…” Alt tries to get his magic to work- but anything he tries to summon has the dark magic reacting in kind, sapping his energy. Still, Alt tries to hold out a sparking hand, blue and green struggling to flare up in his eyes. “S-stay back-! G-get away from me!!!”

"Oh? But it sounds like you need help. I'm happy to be there." Distorter's grin widens further. He walks right up to Alt, undeterred by his threats and sparking, and reaches out with a blackened hand. Stay calm, Alt. Nothing bad is going to happen =)

Alt shudders and tries to pull away but his thoughts start to fizzle into nothing but fog. Especially as Distorter manages to grab him.

He… he does need help. He’s in pain- he’s scared. Distorter can… can help… right? He’s… he’s helped before… right? It was all so… fuzzy.

Calm washes over him so fast he nearly loses his balance. It’s like all his senses have been turned down to zero. His eyes widen and the magic around him fizzles into the air into nothing but spare electricity.

“…help…” He whimpers- whether it’s to Distorter or a cry for someone else… it’s hard to say.

"Shh. Don't worry." Distorter's smile widens again as he steadies Alt from falling, holding him up. His grip is tight, clenching his upper arms. "Do you think that Magnificent came with you? He probably did, right? We should go find him before he finds you." Maybe this time he'd get one up on that magician. He'd be a useful friend. Or at the very least, it would be good to stop him before he messed with the others.

Alt swayed in Distorter’s grip, head threatening to fall to his chest. It felt like something was trying to leak out of his eye but he could barely feel it. “Yeah… mag… mag’s here.., we… we gotta… gotta stop him…”

Distorter was powerful, he could help Alt stop magnificent. …they were friends after all…

Distorter briefly wonders if any more people from Alt's universe showed up. If they did, it would be good to have a... shield of some kind. "Come on. We'll go together. We'll help each other. You can protect me, and I'll make sure nothing bothers you."

“Mmmmkay… yeah…” Alt muttered dazedly, eyes glazing over. “We can… protect e’chther…” His mouth didn’t want to work.

His mind tried to wander, brief panic flickering in his gut. A smiling face was in his vision- a nicer smile then Distorter’s… with sun kissed cheeks that radiated warmth. But, Alt couldn’t grasp onto why he was important. It didn’t matter. Distorter would tell him what mattered.

"Exactly." Distorter lets go of Alt, letting him balance on his own two feet. Is he still swaying? Whatever happened to him before must've done a real number on him. It'll be fine, though. Nothing to worry about. Now... where to go? He thinks about it for a moment, then nods. "Magnificent will try to head to a certain place sooner or later. Let's see if we can beat him there." He disappears from Alt's vision, reappearing some way down the sidewalk. "This way."

Alt nods distantly and trembles slightly before pulling his body to walk after Distorter. He gripped at his arm, a dull ache trying to make itself known. Blood flowed slowly down his cheeks as he dazedly walked after Distorter. He had to find Magnificent… he had to. Nothing else mattered.

————

Magnificent himself has appeared in a different, unfamiliar location--just as he wanted. This looks like a neighborhood, made up of rows and rows of old-fashioned-looking townhouses. He stands near a street intersection No people or cars are in sight... but there's a weird green glow coming from around one corner.

Magnificent looks around his new surroundings, a burst of pride and erratic excitement overcoming him. He laughed madly, clawing back his hair as he took stock of himself. Kinda weak from the spell but nothing he can’t recover… he just needed another source of magic to steal. But, at least he had enough to disguise himself… he can’t draw too much attention to himself right away. In a buzz of static his eccentric clothes change into something light and casual- a dark green button up, a black blazer, black pants and purple dress shoes. His scar is disguised- his hair pulled up into a brunette bun on his head. He grinned and checked himself over. Alright- perfectly normal!

He closed his eyes to let out some energy, trying to see if he can sense any magic sources nearby. Once recovered… he could hunt down the greatest sources of magic he can find here…

He opens his eyes to notice the green light and tilted his head curiously, much like a cat would. He started to slink towards it, almost hungrily.

There is a man standing at a bus stop. He's wearing a red jacket, which calls Jackie to mind, but he's not him. His hair is dyed green like meadow grass and his eyes are framed by a pair of glasses. The green glow is coming from something... floating... near the man. Something... green. And... spherical. It's moving up and down somewhat frantically, making it hard to notice details.

"--can't figure out what you're saying if you go so fast!" The man is talking to the floating thing. "I get it, it's important, but--really? Yeah, I know, but I can't fucking drive, do you want me to just walk away? We can keep going to their house--Okay, okay! Look, calm down, anyone could see you." The man glances around--and notices Magnificent. He freezes like a deer caught in headlights. The green thing also freezes and ducks behind him, like it's hiding.

Magnificent smiles charmingly at the two as he approaches. “Well… don’t you keep the most peculiar company?” He muses silkily, walking up but stopping just a bit short of the pair.

“You seem distressed, young man. Might I ask what’s troubling you and your… pet?” His eyes locked into the glow from the spherical thing- he couldn’t understand the power that came from it but it had something. And that was enough…

"Uhhh..." Jack takes a single step backwards, immediately wary. This stranger... he looks like Marvin, but he obviously can't be him. Unless he figured out some new spell with those cards, but even if he did, Marvin would never call Sam a pet. "W-well, I... I'm actually on my way to visit some friends, but they... want to leave..."

Sam wants to leave because Sam was suddenly struck by the feeling that something terrible is going to happen. And as they hide behind him, they say that this might be it.

No kidding. But Jack's not sure how to proceed. He didn't expect to be ambushed by...whoever this is. Maybe this is one of Distorter's tricks that he heard so much about? "And, uh... I-I don't want to upset them, so I'll just... hurry and go..." Sam really doesn't want him to go to Marvin and JJ's house. They say the bad feeling just gets worse when they think about that.

Magnificent tilts his head like a predator looking down at its prey. Jack can see his image stutter slightly, one of his eyes glowing green, the other devoid of life, surrounded by ugly raised scars like cris cross over each other like lightning. But, the image quickly fades as the stranger smiles.

“I see- well. Don’t let me keep you! Sounds like this is an urgent matter… so sorry to disturb.”

It was taking everything in him not to pounce right now- but he needs to be patient. In control.

"Uh... yeah." Jack starts walking backwards... slowly... and then abruptly turns and hurries away, walking as fast as possible without actually running--who knows what would happen if he ran?! Sam perches on his shoulder as he fumbles with his pocket and starts pulling out the phone. He has to tell the others! This feels like some weird shit that'll involve them!

Ah perfect- these idiotic humans never thought about how bad it was to turn their back on a threat. Mag grins and then lashes out a hand to try to grab Sam in a flash of purple and green magic.

Sam's pupil widens as the magic grabs them and yanks them back. Jack immediately stops and spins around. "Sam!" he cries. "No no no, let them go!" Sam squirms, nerve-tail lashing, and Magnificent now has a clear view of them in all their eyeball-ness for the first time.

Magnificent’s eyes widen at the sight then he laughs, holding the eye up closer to his face with his magic. “Well aren’t you a curious little thing?” He purrs. He then cups his hands around the eyeball and starts to crush his magic around them. “I hope you’re not too attached to your human, little eye, because I need whatever magic or power is running through those nerves of yours!”

He’s not sure if he can- but he tries to see if he can siphon some magic from this strange glowing creature.

Sam squirms, tail lashing. Their glow dims slightly and Magnificent feels... something. It feels sour, in some way. And sharp. But it's only a small trickle, and their glow is still going pretty strong.

Magnificent squirms slightly at the feeling of the magic he siphoned. Unpleasant… but something…

"Hey! Asshole!" Jack looks around, desperately. He doesn't want to get too close but he can't just let Sam be hurt. In desperation--acting on instinct and not really thinking--he throws his phone at Magnificent. Immediately regretting it the moment it leaves his hand but oh well its too late now he's committed!

Before Mag could push for more he hears the shout and then lifts up a hand to catch the phone in a wave of magic.

Unnatural cat-like eyes meet Jack’s glowing in the night as the man grins. “ooooh? Is the human thinking himself brave? How adorable~!”

He flicks his hand and his magic darts back to make Jack’s phone hit in the stomach. Magnificent’s voice darkens to something dangerous, “I have no use for useless things like you- get out of my sight and I might spare you~” He chuckles, crushing a hand around Sam.

Jack staggers back and barely manages to grab his phone before it falls to the ground. What should he do? What can he do?! He looks at Sam. Their nerve-tail flails wildly, but they tell Jack to get out of here, that they don't think anything too bad will happen. But Jack can't just leave them!

Then he has an idea. He makes a show of fumbling with his phone as he puts it back in his jacket pocket, using the motion to hide him dialing the first number on his recent contacts. "I-I'm not useless," he says, further distracting this--this evil doppleganger. "I--I know about you. Or--or your kind. You're a magician, aren't you?! What are you going to do with Sam? They can't--they can't help people like you!"

Magnificent chuckles more and tosses Sam up and down in his magic, like someone throwing a ball. “I guess you could lump me up in that title- though I am something far greater~!” He purrs with pride. “As for your little creature- I don’t need much… just a bit of whatever power they have to claim for my own. Then- I can hunt for… bigger fish~” Mag’s eyes glow brighter as he grins. “You know of magicians- that means some are around… I guess you were more useful to me than I thought!”

He shakes his head and then looks down at Sam. “Though- you are rather unusual, little eye… maybe I should keep you to study closer, hm?”

Nope nope nope nope--Jack can feel Sam's distress at that statement. They say something about deja vu and other Sams that he doesn't quite understand, but it's not the time to ask about that. "No!" Jack blurts out. "No, you can't--you can't get anything from them!" That sounds desperate (which it is) but he's pretty sure it's true. "I can--i-if you're so curious I can tell you anything you want about them, just leave them alone!"

There's a faint voice on the other end of the phone conversation. He can barely hear it but it's recognizable. He wonders how fast they can get here. Even if they run it'll take a while--maybe there's some magic that can help.

Magnificent studies Jack with a critical eye. He could see a faint magic aura from this boy- but it’s faint. Not even flowing in his blood, just there. How disappointing.

Mag pulls his lip back in a snarl. “I have no time to waste on hardly magic mortals, boy. I doubt any information you know will even be of use to me.”

Mag squeezes at Sam trying to see if he can get another inkling of magic- he can’t teleport right now, and he isn’t stooping down to running away from something that’s not even a threat.

Jack's heart pounds in his chest. Sam is begging him to leave, to run, reassuring him they'll be alright. He doesn't believe them. But he'd be no help if he gets himself killed. He stands there, frozen, watching Magnificent squeeze his friend--

And then there's a puff of blue smoke behind Magnificent. Before it even disperses there are three wheels of blue light spinning out, heading straight for Magnificent.

The dark magician barely has a chance to suck anything from the eye before he’s struck by bolts of blue light. One hits his arm- then the others manage to throw him off his feet, He flies back, the magic holding back Sam crackling into static. He yells in anger, his disguise also melting away to show the masked villain in all his dramatic glory.

He turns to snarl at the source of magic that dared to strike him-!

Jameson stands there, hands raised, a shield crystalizing into place even as the smoke from the teleportation spell still lingers. His eyes widen. He thought he recognized the voice over the phone but he hoped he was wrong.

Sam flies to Jack as soon as they're able, smacking into his chest. He catches them and holds them close to his chest.

Go! Jameson signs.

Jack hesitates.

Go! He repeats, more insistently. Tell the others!

After another second, Jack nods, and turns and runs.

Jameson lets out a breath of relief. He just needs to distract Magnificent for long enough. He's sure that the dark magician would prefer him as a target instead of Jack.

And he's right- Magnificent's eyes light up hungrily as he pulls himself and sways slightly, looking off kilted as he grins wildly. "Well well well! Hello there, kitten~!" He laughs. "Oh I was hoping the universe would be kind to me... and they deliver you here to me on a sliver platter!"

The mad magician then lunges at Jameson with his hand outstretched- trying to grab him with his claws.

Luckily, Jameson's shield is solid. He spins it around to block Magnificent's attack. How are you here?! he asks, unsure if Mag would know what he's saying. Then he puts his hands together, cupping them like he's holding a ball. A sphere of blue light forms in his hands and he drops it on the ground, letting it splash. The magic spreads across the sidewalk, turning it blue and slick like ice.

Magnificent bangs across the shield and then jumps back, landing in a crouched position on the sidewalk. His eyes reflect the light like a cats as he giggles, pulling himself up to full height.

A voice slithers into Jameson's head, purring, "Now Jameson... so hostile~! Is this anyway to treat your master?" His eyes are swirling as he tries to advance. "It'd be so much easier if you didn't fight, little bird... I won't harm you, I only need to borrow something from you."

The magic spreads across the sidewalk and Magnificent stumbles then hurries to hold himself up, trying not to fall flat on his face. He growls. Being drained is a real inconvenience... but all he had to do was make Jameson fall back under his thrall.

Jameson flinches back, keeping the shield up. He smiles a bit as he sees Magnificent stumble--there's something vindicating about that--but it distracts him for just enough to make eye contact. The swirls are familiar... comforting... His shield is flickering... No--no! He shakes his head and tries to resist but... why would you resist something so beautiful? The shield dies quickly.

Magnificent grins even wider and strides forward more, humming. "Very very good, birdie~! Fall nice and deep for me... and this won't hurt a bit~"

He approaches and then grabs Jameson's arm, digging his nail into the skin, branches of black veins spreading across the surface. Then, he tries to siphon magic from the magician, greedy trying to pull as much as he can.

Jameson shivers. There's a dead feeling creeping into him from his arm, from the spot where Magnificent grabbed him. He looks down and sees the black veins spreading. Faint alarm bells go off in his head but he can't bring himself to do anything about it, even as weakness makes his arms and legs tremble. He falls to his knees, breathing heavily.

The air seems to shimmer...

Magnificent laughs as blue light floods into his veins, pulsing with energy then fading to blazing purple. He feels his magic and strength returning. He doesn't drain Jameson completely though, not yet- He may be of use to him... he needs to find another way to hop to the next multiverse before he finishes up here. Oh and find his cub... just in case. But, this will suffice for now~

He lets Jameson drop to the ice below and sighs dreamily, "Mmmm just what I needed! Thank you very much, Jameson~!" He then bends down to pick him up by his hair and hums in thought, "You should stick by me though, little lark~ I may have further use of you."

The mad magician is too distracted by his prize to notice anything shimmering in the air-

Jameson's eyes are glazed over. He doesn't react at all to anything Magnificent is saying or doing. The combined hypnotism and draining has left him weak. He looks up at Mag and mumbles in a raspy voice, "Yes... yes, Magnif—"

And then, for a split second, there's a flicker of orange and blue and yellow, a spiral much different than the ones Magnificent uses—

And Jameson is gone.

The stolen magic remains in Magnificent's veins, but the blue ice coating the sidewalk is also gone.

As if it—and Jameson—were never here in the first place.

Magnificent blinks in mild surprise at the new colors- then springs to his feet as Jameson disappears, wildly looking around for any lingering hints of magic. He then curses in Gaelic and throws a tinted punch into the bus stop sign, making it dent in on itself in a burst of purple and green sparks.

He then hums and tries to breathe, studying the lingering blue in his veins. ... he had enough, enough to at least look for his cub and find out more about what this dimension uses to explore other universes. In a wave of static, he dons his disguise again and then walks further into the night, looking for any other lingering of magic around.

[gh0stofstarman]

So after making my last post I decided I’d give my two cents on the other big run that most people point to as one of the golden standards for X-Men. This one’s a bit more fresh in my mind than Claremont, probably just due to the fact it’s much, much shorter. But I do have a ramble for this one too, don’t you worry.

Grant Morrison

I love a lot of Grant Morrison’s work. They’re probably one of the most bonkers writers out there. I’ve read All Star Superman front to back multiple times, I’m currently thumbing through their JLA. I really wanna get into their Animal Man. Dunno if I’d vibe with Doom Patrol just because it may be a bit too insane even for my tastes. Only thing I’ve really avoided of theirs is Wonder Woman: Earth One. From what I’ve read it seems like a swing and a miss. Ironic, because I’m one of the few people nowadays who immensely cares about Wonder Woman’s comics.

And New X-Men carries Grant’s penchant for swinging for the fences, high concept sci-fi, fantasy, drama, what have you. I love that Morrison leaned into the angle that some Mutants don’t have powers that are useful or that they can hide.

Sometimes your mutants aren’t conventionally attractive, and that’s great. They still deserve a chance to live! And I love that’s part of the narrative. It shouldn’t matter if you’re a mutant, it should matter who you are and what you do as a person.

Grant also leans into much more complicated ideas of romance and relationships, paving the way for the allegory of mutants to extend into LGBTQ+ lenses. The school is actually a school now! Professor X is more like the movies where he’s not really a conceited jerk who would drop the X-Men at the drop of a hat, but still comes in conflict with the newer generation.

Genuinely Morrison’s New X-Men is built upon ideas for a maturing, more complicated evolution of what Claremont was cooking.

Mostly.

And there lies the problem that’s always stopped me from clicking with Morrison’s X-Men.

Grant Morrison and Mark Millar

(Please note this surprisingly apocryphal gag was before Morrison preferred They/Them and came out as Nonbinary.)

Everybody has their edgy phase. At least I hope we do, would explain a lot.

Grant Morrison had a bit of a reputation in the 90s and 2000s as the big shot, new kid in town. They weren’t afraid to throw shade at Alan Moore, John Byrne, or really any of the old school comic veterans. They were here to play it out loud and in their own way.

They’d work very often together with Mark Millar, setting a real rebellious attitude with them. They weren’t afraid to be edgy, make crass jokes about toilet humor or stuff best left for the bedroom and doctor’s office.

And often times it worked. It wasn’t as though Morrison couldn’t reel it in to be serious like in JLA. But you don’t get a somber story about a cartoon coyote grappling with existentialism in a superhero comic from a normal joe.

Basically what I’m saying is, Morrison could be crass, but knew how to control it within the narrative. Something Mark Millar kind of struggled with.

I don’t have anything deep to really say about Millar and Morrison but they clearly were once conjoined at the hip. Once, being the key word seeing the quote above. But the irony is that when both writers were working on X-Men, it seems Morrison picked up some bad habits from their coworker.

A Dog-Kicking Intervention

Something I notice with Mark Millar’s writing is that he has a good structure for a story, the real great bones of something. However, when it comes to dialogue, it feels like he has to derail it by throwing in the most edgy, tryhard stuff to shock the reader. (The A does stand for frAnce, the fr is silent.) Either that or it’s just kind of blatant soap boxing of these characters without really understanding their history. There are many series that feel like this to me, like Marvel Knights Spider-Man, Civil War, Fantastic Four.

Unfortunately that kinda bled into Morrison’s work, and I feel their New X-Men suffers as a result.

New X-Men has some really brilliant ideas, but it also can be unreasonably cruel and edgy in a bad way. And that’s not to say that it’s due to the themes, as it deals with very heavy stuff like Genocide and PTSD. Some topics do have to be approached even though they’re brutal.

No, a good example would be Ugly John. Ugly John is introduced in the opening arc, E is for Extinction. A brutal story about how millions of mutants die in Genosha due to Cassandra Nova attacking with Sentinels. Wolverine, Cyclops and Ugly John are sent to stop Nova while the rest of the X-Men perform triage.

Ugly John doesn’t have any powers. He doesn’t have any skills. He has three faces. He’s not actually here because he has a purpose. He’s ugly. He’s not even named Steve. That’s the joke. That’s the joke Morrison makes over and over to try and undercut the gravity of the situation.

Then he dies.

What was the point of Ugly John? To fit in a dark moment, not really adding a point besides “wow life sucks doesn’t it?”

That’s probably the biggest thing that sours me on New X-Men. It doesn’t really have the confidence to fully recognize the seriousness of its material and that it doesn’t need any edge to further make a point. Reality is edgy.

And so I feel like this sort of lack of nuance kinda brings down the run. It never feels fully confident that it should be discussing these topics with nuance, so it has to throw something in for the South Park crowd.

Cyclops is nervous about how long Jean and him have been in a relationship for? Well obviously it’s gotta lead to him and Emma making a big affair in bed.

A mutant is developing her powers suddenly and is kicked out of her family? Her powers should be a gross out parallel to morning sickness so her dad thinks she’s pregnant, and she’s a gross stereotype of black people living in the south.

A toddler mutant is being killed by their parents so that they don’t have to live with a mutant? Let’s make a couple of jokes about how the mutant ate a dog.

Jean Grey confronts another mutant who’s able to make illusions that confuse even her? The other guy makes a remark that she wants to sleep with him even though it’s never hinted before and just used so he can escape.

You see what I mean?

It doesn’t really feel like this stuff is in service to the serious plot, it’s just kinda mean-spirited without much actual narrative purpose. Sometimes it’s even derailing the point that Morrison is trying to make. Like Emma Frost’s PTSD is undercut entirely by how inappropriate she acts towards her students, so she comes off as unintentionally unsympathetic. Or Cyclops’ anxiety isn’t given room to breathe and acknowledge that he doesn’t consent to her advances.

Therefore it just comes off as Morrison kicking the dog for no reason.

It just really disappoints me because Morrison is such a skilled writer. But New X-Men fell within that edgy phase and it makes it hard to enjoy the concepts they come up with.

[webheadedhero]

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥bc I know you have plenty of opinions (jk ily)

Send me a “ 🔥 “ for an unpopular opinion.

Under a read more cause i ranted

🔥I've seen this said before but for me, if I'm gonna write with someone consistently, I'm gonna be your friend. I'm not someone who enjoys just having a partner who's an automatic reply machine. I enjoy getting to know people, I like talking about what's going on with my friends/writing partners. making friends with my partners on here is fun. some people over the years are really impersonal and that's honestly too bad. i like feeling comfortable with someone where i can run ideas by them or send them things that make me think of their muse or our dynamic.

🔥i think that the rpc should also keep in mind that this is not a serious thing. this is a fun and sometimes silly hobby and that is okay. crossovers can be wild and fun, and so can au's and verses that are kinda out there. if it brings you and your partner joy and you're having fun exploring some crazy scenario then who cares? don't look down on someone or think you're better than someone else because you don't dabble in that stuff. people are allowed to have fun with this. at the end of the day, this is playing barbies with our fictional characters.

🔥to kinda go back to what i was saying in the first one, i think people should really not be afraid to reach out to people more. i get it, it can be intimidating. and people have had bad interactions with others in the past, i know i definitely have. but i personally enjoy when i'm writing with someone who i know doesn't see me as that peter blog. reach out to your followers and your friends, let them know you care. obviously i'm not saying send a love letter every day but checking in once and a while is nice. this is a social hobby and a collaborative one at that. and if someone is making you feel bad simply for talking to them then...they really aren't worth keeping around.

🔥 okay time to mix it up now and talk about marvel stuff but mcu spider-man is not as bad as people make it out. i know it's popular to dunk on them and make the iRoN bOy JuNiOr claim but, i dunno man. homecoming was great for me. the iron man stuff honestly doesn't bother me that much cause like it or not, iron man is the central character for that era of the mcu. and we had already had two phases of mcu movies by the time peter was introduced, where they didn't even think they'd get the rights to him too. so, for having to shoehorn in peter at the last second? i thought it was fine. also the fact that homecoming has such a different feel to it than the other mcu movies and spider-man movies, for that matter. it doesn't feel like a superhero movie, it feels like a john hughes movie. which is a really cool take on a spider-man movie. it's actually the only mcu spider-man movie i can rewatch and still enjoy. i also think it's a really dumb critique to say that peter is getting saved by iron man in the movie over and over when....that's the point bro. that's peter's arc. at the end of the movie he saves the day, saves the villain, all with his crappy homemade suit, web-shooters, and gadgets. the whole point is that he doesn't need iron man to function, he's capable on his own. whether or not the sequels do as good of a job as that is a different matter, but if i just look at homecoming by itself? solid.

🔥which brings me to my next point, into the spider-verse is the best spider-man movie and that's a fact. there's more passion put into a single scene of that movie than of all the other live action spider-man movies combined. the artwork, the sound design & soundtrack, the coloring, all fantastic and give it such a unique look and feel. it's got so much personality in it too which is just so refreshing. the majority of the mcu movies have zero personality to them. they're shot in such a static way and later on they all have this just ugly, grey color to all of them. there's a few exceptions where some have personality to them like Black Panther, Doctor Strange (which i didn't think was good but i can't deny it had some unique camera work to it), Homecoming, but a lot of them are just very...i dunno...dull? i could honestly just talk about the artwork for ITSV and that'd be enough. also miles in ITSV is a huge improvement on his comic book counterpart. the "what's up danger" scene is my favorite superhero movie scene of all time, and it's not even close. people were quick to write off the movie cause it's a cArToOn but...still the best spider-man movie. or they write it off cause there's not a hot british guy playing peter, i dunno. also the movie is genuinely funny. there's moments that still make me laugh. i can barely watch some mcu movies without cringing from some of the jokes (especially if it's a wh*don one) it's fantastic. also the artwork and sound design? even better in the sequel. though i do like the first movie overall more, the art and sound in the sequel is even better. giving each universe it's own art style and sound is so good.

[mystery-moose]

EYO THE OSCAR NOMS ARE OUT

Let’s discuss!

BEST PICTURE: I've seen four of the ten nominees this year! Not a bad score for me. Of the remainder I am very interested in American Fiction, Anatomy of a Fall, and Past Lives. American Fiction in particular got Jeffrey Wright a Best Actor nomination! I love Jeffrey Wright! He deserves more recognition! Any film that can get him that has gotta be worth something.

Of the ones I’ve seen… I’d probably select Killers of the Flower Moon as the best? It’s a hard watch, but the craft on display at every level is exceptional. If not that, then… I dunno, maybe Barbie? The Holdovers is a safe choice, it’s a great movie, but there’s almost nothing… surprising about it. Barbie is CONSTANTLY surprising! But it’s also a madcap comedy bathed in metaphor so… man I don’t know!

Regardless, I wouldn’t pick Oppenheimer. Not to disrespect it, I genuinely believe it to be a very interesting film that’s compelling to watch, and as always Christopher Nolan’s ability to make weird-ass films with experimental structures popular with a mass audience is worthy of tremendous respect. But its pacing is rushed, its script is sometimes awkward to the point of parody, and I just don’t know that it’s saying or doing anything THAT interesting or enlightening about the real people involved or about people or history in general. Y’know?

BEST DIRECTOR: Nothing but Best Picture nominees here, which makes sense. Pretty blown away that Alexander Payne didn't get a nom here for The Holdovers. Not blown away at all that Greta Gerwig didn't get one for Barbie, despite that whole thing clearly being her baby. A real Streisand situation here, I'd say! "Eight nominations on the shelf, did this film direct itself?" Regardless of who wins (or even who I think deserves to!) I'd definitely say Gerwig got snubbed here.

BEST ACTOR: All best picture nominees here, save for Colman Domingo for Rustin. Had never heard of this film before, because it's a Netflix film and they always bury all their work, but it's about a civil rights activist so that makes... how many years that the Academy has included one of these in a Best Actor/Actress context? Selma, Harriet, Judas and the Black Messiah. I'm sure Colman Domingo gives a good performance, just noting that the Academy loves to nominate these for acting awards and not honor them in most any other way. (Hey, Jeffrey Wright's in that movie too! Good year for him!)

Bradley Cooper's here too. I don't think I like him very much! I've never disliked him really, but I've never loved his performance either. But the Academy seems to, since he's been nominated... TWELVE TIMES? Holy SHIT no wonder I wasn't surprised to see his name. Never won one, though. He keeps this up, maybe they'll throw him a pity one like they did for DiCaprio. Then again, I don't think Cooper assigns as much value to it as Leo did -- or at least, it doesn't feel like it. I care so little about Bradley Cooper! I don't follow his personal journey very closely! He's fine, I guess!

As a fan, I'd LOVE to see Jeffrey Wright take it, even though I haven't seen his movie. Of the ones I have, Cillian Murphy is very good in Oppenheimer, no question, but I've gotta give it to my man Paulie G. Dude is an incredibly talented actor with a non-traditional look who's done great work for decades and deserves a big win. He's fantastic in Holdovers too! It's a layered, funny, incredibly natural performance that he just falls into. Not particularly showy, which lowers his chances for a win, but to me (and most sensible folks) that makes it a better performance, so there, nyeh!

BEST ACTRESS: I haven't seen four of these but if they don't give it to Lily Gladstone they've fucked up. Sorry, other nominees, that's all there is to it. Also, where the fuck is Margot Robbie? She's incredible in Barbie! If I get to Supporting Actor and Ryan Gosling is there, this is misogyny.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: This is misogyny!! But I'd love for Gosling to win for this. It'd be his first, and for a role like this that'd be hilarious. That being said it's still a tremendous performance! His commitment to the role both on-screen and off is clear, he's having a ball throughout, and he does his own dancing! God, I just wanna see his speech.

That being said, he has some extremely stiff competition. De Niro continues his golden year renaissance with an excellent performance of a very evil man in Killers of the Flower Moon, and Downey Jr. is so good in Oppenheimer that it took me a couple minutes and a scene transition to realize it was him at all! Also Sterling K. Brown and Mark Ruffalo are here! I like both those guys! If I had to pick one that I've seen that isn't Gosling? Probably Downey Jr. If I gave Oppenheimer one award, it would be this one.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: I like all these actresses, I think America Ferrera is very good in Barbie, and Jodie Foster has been doing great work lately, but this award belongs to Da'Vine Joy Randolph. She takes a character that could be one note in The Holdovers and invests them with so much life and complexity and history. I still think about that movie in part because of her, and because she made choices that made that character feel more authentic. It's maybe the most I've been impressed by an actress in a good long while, frankly! She deserves this one! Don't fuck it up, Academy! (but I know you will)

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: All Best Picture nominees, save for a movie called May December... because it's a Netflix film, of course. God, they sure do make a lot of award-worthy films I never ever hear about, huh! Wild how that happens! (Did you even know a new Spy Kids movie came out this year? Of course you didn't! It was on Netflix!)

I haven't seen four of these, but heard good things about Past Lives. I do really love The Holdovers though! Unless one of the others really knocks my socks off, I'd be comfortable with that winning here.

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: Oppenheimer does not deserve this. I'm sorry, maybe it's a failure of editing, but the pacing on this thing is too breakneck. Maybe that's a failure of editing more than screenplay, though. Then again, the dialogue itself is uh... often pretty blunt and borderline silly, in that Nolan sort of way! So, y'know!

I'd love to see Barbie win it. It's so fucking funny, and occasionally vibrating with pathos. But I haven't seen the others, and they might rule, actually! American Fiction might be great! I'm looking forward to finding out when it hits digital!

ANIMATED FEATURE: I still think we probably shouldn't cordon these off into their own category, but then so few would get nominated for anything, so let's just live in the world we have, huh? The Boy and the Heron is a Miyazaki film, so that automatically makes it a contender, though I've heard some mixed things about it. Nimona is a dark horse that I remember having some buzz around it earlier this year, and Robot Dreams is a sad movie about a robot so it's automatically a movie I vibe with! Elemental... exists! (Why in the hell was this nominated and not Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem?! Why of all things did THAT get snubbed?!)

But we all know this belongs to Across the Spider-Verse. It might not be a complete narrative, but purely on visual spectacle alone, it should win. It is, without question, the wildest eyeball experience I've ever had watching a movie, finally dethroning the previous occupiers, the Wachowskis' Speed Racer and the animated film Redline. It is constantly visually surprising and experimental, to the point that much like its predecessor I don't know how they fucking did some of the stuff they did. It's not the out-of-nowhere immediate game-changer that its predecessor was, and it might not have the immediate influence on an entire genre in the same way... but I think it pushes the medium even further! I can't wait to see what other movies look like in the future because of it.

(also the production sounds like it was a nightmare, animators deserve more pay and more respect, unionize, etc.)

PRODUCTION DESIGN: I mean, of all the things about Napoleon, how it looked was the absolute best of them. I wouldn't be too upset if it won... except I would, because Barbie. I mean, come on. COME ON. This one's a gimme. (Though why is The Creator not here? I know it was a pretty bad movie, but the design? Absolutely impeccable vibes!)

COSTUME DESIGN: I mean. Barbie. Did you see Ken's outfits?

CINEMATOGRAPHY: This is my nerd-ass award I care about. I've liked Hoyte van Hoytema's work in the past, and if Oppenheimer won this I wouldn't think it a complete miscarriage of justice -- it's got some really great images in it. But to me this is Flower Moon's award to lose. I haven't seen the others, but I don't know that anything else is going to match that. It's not too showy, but it is pretty damn impeccable.

There are also movies that I think got snubbed here, like John Wick 4 (yes I'm serious) and Sisu (again, I'm serious) and The Killer. Heck, they didn't even nominate The Holdovers here, and that movie leans into its period setting by aping the cinematography of films from that period! That's neat!

EDITING: That Oppenheimer is here is more proof the Academy doesn't know what good editing is. I mean, if you isolated a couple scenes of that movie, there IS great editing there! And even structurally, I think it makes some bold choices that should be rewarded! But as a whole, I didn't feel like I had time to breathe during a scene, and most of that is down to Nolan always choosing to cut or transition too soon. Sometimes it's even a matter of seconds! But those seconds matter! They're the difference between me feeling like I'm moving through a room and feeling like I'm being hurried through a room, y'know what I mean?

I'd probably go with Flower Moon here, but Holdovers has a lovely, languid pace to it and some very funny cuts, so I'm leaning in that direction too. Haven't seen the others!

MAKEUP AND HAIRSTYLING: How is Barbie not here?! What the hell kind of award show is this?! (A Bad one, we all know this.)

SOUND: (This used to be two awards, one for sound mixing and one for sound editing, and on a technical level those are two very different skills, but whatever, Academy!)

This is one I think that Oppenheimer will probably take, because it does some cool things with sound a few times. But it's also one that I think The Creator might actually deserve. Some really killer sound in that film, right up there with its production design -- which it should have gotten a nomination for! Also, Mission: Impossible dark horse, just to give it something. Because I love those movies, even if this year's was maybe my fourth-favorite Mission: Impossible movie that still makes it better than most movies!

VISUAL EFFECTS: It's kind of a long-shot, but I'm pulling for Godzilla Minus One here. Guardians looked good, The Creator looked good (it's about all it did) and I absolutely adore and respect the commitment to practical stunts and car chases and effects in Mission: Impossible and it should get all the recognition possible for throwing a real train off a real cliff... but c'mon. It's Godzilla. And by all accounts, it does so much with so little, at least in terms of budget. It's a movie directed by a guy who previously supervised visual effects! Of course it was gonna look good! That it looks that good at that budget though? Might be enough to get it the big win. Here's to hoping! It'd be nice to see a movie that cost about ten million dollars be recognized as having better visual effects than a movie that cost... two hundred and fifty million Jesus Christ what are you doing Disney.

ORIGINAL SCORE: Be neat to see Indiana Jones take this one! Good score, nice but not too reverent. But I don't have particularly strong feelings this like I have in previous ones. Don't remember many movie scores from this year, nothing's made it into my playlist beyond a couple Mission: Impossible tracks, certainly nothing's impressed me as much as something like The Batman's score or anything.

ORIGINAL SONG: Two songs from Barbie here, one from the Flamin' Hot Cheetos movie (yes it's real and yes it's historically inaccurate!) and one from... Killers of the Flower Moon. Uh oh. Uh oh! I was all ready to be ride or die for "I'm Just Ken" (and to be clear if it won I wouldn't object) but that song in Flower Moon and how it hits at the end... well. It should probably win, is what I'm saying. Even if it's not the fun choice. Be nice to see it performed, at least. These will all be great performances, probably!

DOCUMENTARY FEATURE: I haven't seen any of these! I usually don't until at least year or two after the fact! Just how I end up watching documentaries, usually. It'll probably be the one about Ukraine, though. Not necessarily because it's the best one, but because the Academy likes to think that making picks like that is somehow activism. (Also can you believe that's still happening? Ukrainian sovereignty, end the war, etc.)

INTERNATIONAL FEATURE: Haven't seen any of these, but heard good things about Society of the Snow. Zone of Interest is a best picture nominee, so odds are that'll be the one that wins. Surprised a Japanese film got in here but it's not Godzilla! Damn! Was hoping for a dark horse win for Big G!

ANIMATED SHORT: Never seen 'em!

DOCUMENTARY SHORT: Most of the short documentaries I watch are on Youtube these days!

LIVE ACTION SHORT: Good for all these people who got nominated!

THAT'S IT hoo boy the Oscars, huh. This year's a bit of a dull one, nothing that I'm really excited about winning anything outside of like, Barbie. Killers of the Flower Moon definitely deserves a lot of awards, but how many it'll get remains to be seen. Also I just realized DiCaprio didn't score a nomination for his part in that! Just Lily Gladstone! Haha! Good! (Though I do think DiCaprio's work has improved noticeably after he finally got his stupid Oscar. Almost like he stopped trying so hard and that made his performances feel more natural! Wild!)

Anyway, next year I'm gonna be stumping hard for Dune 2 so. Be prepared for that.