#he’s basically who I feel I am and who I wanna be
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So there's this quote that I keep seeing on my Pinterest and EVERY TIME I go lol hey it's Broters or lol hey it's Prison duo but I wanna talk about it for a min cause sjkfkfkfkf I'm so normal
If u wanna I'm gonna yell about it below the cut :)
(Disclaimer it's all just incoherent ramblings at *checks watch* sometime around 1 AM but there's some sense to it I promise just trust me /lh/silly/hj)
So the quote is short, it’s just-
"Icarus should have waited for nightfall. The moon would have never let him go" - Nina Mouawad, blue sun
And I shake it. I shake it around. There's so much symbolism of Icarus and the sun. Icarus and Apollo. I always make comparisons of "hey what is Icarus's sun" cause I think it's many things- not even just Fable, though in some ways it could be the sun for Icarus. The thing causing them to fall, but he's always more Daedalus coded consistently.
Icarus's sun and Icarus's ocean I feel are two very similar things. The whole the sun is what causes Icarus to drown in the first place idea, is basically what I'm getting at.
I say many words but to try to shorten it, Icarus's sun is their fathers words, the idea they were something more than they were (something *better*). Their sun was just a touch of praise and validation (something they had been starved of for so so long). At the time, with fable, it may have still been out of reach for them. But, it was attainable. And that's all that matters to Icarus, isn't it?
Basically, their sun is the idea they can fix their mistakes. The idea that they could do something right for once. The thought that they could fix their relationships with the people they cared about (who they repeatedly pushed away for a taste of sunlight)
But, that sun isn't really the sun. it was the water that swallowed them whole as they fell deeper and deeper into what they deemed as trying to fix things. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, they couldn't quite tell anymore. Their ocean was the thoughts that came with flying, the thoughts that drowned them in their own mind. (The thoughts that told them they were doing the right thing. Their lungs filling with salt as the things around them told them this wasn't right, told them that he was wrong.)
The water was the trust they would tell themself Fable earned. (Maybe it was wrongly placed- but who else could Icarus have believed they could place that same trust on then) That's my whole "Icarus falls for a taste of the sun, but they chose the wrong sun to believe in" idea.
So that's the sun and the water blah blah blah /lh I'm yapping too much. I say "I try to shorten it” and then yap for an hour/silly
Now to the moon symbolism. So- Rae is alwyas moon and stars coded. As it goes- void prince my beloved.
Centross I say is moon coded personally. In my heart.
So, the moon symbolism I know of and think of off the top of my head are Cycles, immortality/eternity, the soul, enlightenment but also like dark side of the moon shit. But we go with the hey it's she who guides my way through the darkest of nights type stuff-yknow. With a quick google search and clicking on the first page that came up it's all I said before also can be like realm between conscious and unconscious, capacity for reflection and adaptation, decline of life and sleep. Which- some of those are namely Icarus coded but. Yknow.
Now, Rae and Cen are Icarus's moon because they're the things guiding them. Keeping them together. Helping control the tides and the storms within them. The moon reflects the suns light in the middle of the night- helping people see. They're trying to get Icarus to see what fables actual motive is.
See the moon never stays the same. It's always changing. And that's not a bad thing. They were trying to help Icarus learn that- yet they do what they do and pick something that they've picked before (the repetitive cycle continues) and pick Fable over other people. He's not consistent, yet they don't *really* remember that. But he doesn't change. He's predictable even if just in tone and inflection, but also action. And looks and. A lot of things about Fable stay the same. Have *stayed* the same since their childhood, no matter what they do or don't remember they can grasp that.
Rae or Centross would always try to catch them. They've shown it in the past with actions and words and they've shown it at that time with fable when Rae would still try to check in on their brother and Centross would get Icarus out of their house before his death, and show up to them/check in on them after. They're there, and they try. Fable doesn't, and that's the difference.
Rae and Centross would not let Icarus go until it was life or death. Fable, was fully going to kill Icarus for power. If that's not immediately letting them fall, then I don't know what is.
This is all a stretch but. Shaking it. I'm so normal. Arararah.
Thank you for reading my silly worbs come back later for more silly and more words :3
#I guess this just turned into me ranting about symbolism of the moon#sorry bout that#you get my silly incoherent ramblings and fun thoguhts thsy don’t make sense#I’m gonna go eep now#gn chattt#fable smp#fablesmp#fablesmpblr#fsmp#fsmpblr#icarus morningstar#david centross mistvale#rae morningstar#Broters#Prison duo#i have so many thoughts
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#can i yap for a moment#im extremely sleepy but im feeling very upset and mad and confused#also lowkey questioning whether me feeling all that is justified or if i am overreacting#anyway#made out w a boy tonight#and he wanted to go to his place#and i was like no i wanna stay and dance with my girlies#and he gets upset??#asking why i'd kiss him if i don't wanna hook up and i said i just wanna have fun?#made me feel so stupid#that anger in me led to a little fight with another boy (who was unfortunately very cute) and i just wanted to punch him#i just hate when boys think they're so superior#so i argued with this stupid but hot man#until an ex? friend shows up and he was pretty drunk just yapping about things#anyway he basically told me he'd like to rekindle our friendship#but not in a heyy haven't talked in so long let's meet up again#it was in a heyy let's hang out again got a new big car and moved out of my parent's house 😋#which gave me the ick bc that's why we aren't friends anymore and i told him no multiple times#and got sad bc he was one of my closest friends#anyway and then we left the party#this guy pulls me aside the parking lot#and i was so embarrassed bc there were so many people and they were all looking and i could already see people gossiping about it#and i just wanted to die#and then he just CONFESSES??#gives me flowers and all which is saur saur cute#but i legit have zero feelings for him </3#and have commitment issues and have never been in a relationship and don't wanna be in one#actually grosses me out thinking about relationships </3#the confession was so random and i kinda lost another friendship? even tho i wouldn't rlly consider him a friend we just share sum classes#but yeah boys are so stupid and confusing and i dunno how and why i get myself into these situations :') m sorry just needed to rant </3
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"they never dated but they ARE exes" is such a funny relationship for two characters to have. very awkward relationship to have irl tho
#eliot posts#it still IS a little funny irl tho#i visoted her last night cuz i was in town and the vibe was so weird#it's like. we had an EXPLOSIVE breakup years ago and we're on amicable terms now but there's just the past kinda hanging there in the air#im no longer upset about the stuff she did to me but i AM still a lil sore abt how she hurt our other friends#but sometimes i still talk to her out of... idk. nostalgia or something?#idk if it's the same thing driving her to keep talking to me or what#i don't think she holds any ill feelings towards me cuz she admitted she was totally in the wrong for pretty much everything#and the worst i did was be TOO loyal and enable her but at the same time she thinks she'd be worse off if i didn't do all that back then idk#sometimes i wonder if she wants our old relationship but but i've made it clear we'll never be able to go back there#sidenote: her actual ex boyfriend (who i am still besties with and love so much) is the one that started the joke that me and her are exes#he was like ''i think she's not just MY ex girlfriend she's OUR ex girlfriend'' when i was telling my roommate about her#(and then i told her about that and she laughed and agreed that yeah. we basically ARE exes)#her actual ex/my bestie won't talk to her at all anymore and he's totally within his rights to do that#i actually asked him a few years ago if he was okay with me talking to her before i messaged her cuz i didn't wanna risk hurting him#anyway yeah. it's weird#seeing her left me with a lot of feelings that aren't exactly bad just Weird. idk.
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supernatural s1e16 shadow (w. eric kripke)
Dad's vulnerable when he's with us. He's stronger without us around.
#supernatural#spn 1x16#sam and dean#john winchester#sam winchester#dean winchester#by grabthar's hammer this MUST be my last gifset from this episode! dear lord.#supernatural gifs#spn gifs#mygifs#spngifs#long post#there were so many face journeys that i felt were important but i tried to cut it down to the most important ones 🥴#dean is exhausted and seems so defeated admitting that john should leave#in my humble opinion i feel like this was a fairly flimsy reasoning thrown at the issue because jdm wasn't available for much filming#the two times i've just sat and watched the episode - like everyone seems to believe what they're saying - but i don't#like yes. safer. alone. of course??? whatever man. it's a tropey thing you say but i'm not buying it :p#i do buy however that it's the sam and dean show and we got limited jdm time and we need the focus to stay on s&d and get john out for now#and sam seems genuinely really upset that john is leaving - but his words say he's upset that he doesn't get to help catch yed basically#not that it's like... an emotional attachment to being with john? sam's feelings about john are always confusing#but his face is definitely saying it's not just about catching the demon#i don't have anything disparaging to say about john here. who am i? oh. except jdm smiled at weird times with him in this role#and it made him seem kind of... smug to me in a way?? that made me wanna punch him :P#there was one weird smile in this interaction. earlier in the episode there was a lot of what i consider inappropriate smiling LOL
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Minor thing that really irks me is when people treat the femc route in p3 portable as like the lesser story or like it’s a fanfic where nothing that happens in it is the “true” canon like. Bitch. The femc and everything that happens in her version of the story is just as canon as the male protagonist and everything that happens in his story. And there’s literally been so many fucking versions of p3 at this point like the base game, fes, portable, the movies, stage plays, reload, as well as spinoffs and manga and they all do things differently. I don’t see anyone acting like the base game is more canon than, say, reload so why do they do this with portable? Why can’t the (infinitely superior) version with the female protagonist just be respected for five fucking minutes goddamn
#persona#persona 3#kotone shiomi#its the misogyny yay#but god i am so tired of her game being treated as not actually canon like it literally is#theres multiple canons dipshit there is no true version of this game#and also people saying she doesnt fit the theme or some shit like. she literally does??? and honestly she does it better#like you can really feel the love she brings to the group and how she gives everything life and helps everyone#but also just how it all comes with pain she smiles and befriends everyone but shes always been so deeply alone and she doesnt want anyone#to feel the pain shes felt and so she carries all those burdens on her own and when everyone goes to reach out for her#its too late far too late shed sacrifice herself over and over for these people and theyll never once see her cry#she also you know. actually has good social links and gets to know everyone not just people she wants fuck#so you get to see just infinitely better versions of every character with her she really does bring out the best in them#and another thing in particular with the disrespect of her story is the way shinji living is treated again just like#some kinda fanfic au by someone who didnt wanna cope with their blorbo dying like ughh#shinji surviving is just as canon as him dying there is an entire canon where he gets a happy ending and it is once again#much better than versions where he dies like ive. exhausted myself with explaining it but its just better#so yeah basically out of spite i like acting like kotones story is actually the one true canon#and when people mention stuff that isnt in her story im like ‘huh? what? that didnt happen’#cuz whos gonna stop me
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Do you have any thea stilton ocs yourself? tell us abt them!
Uuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *awkwardly stares at my little OC closet*
Okay so two things about me: 1. I am not typically an OC maker, and 2. I thrive better on bouncing ideas off of other things instead of trying to create characters from scratch. Both of these mean that I don't make OCs particularly often, and the ones I do make mostly end up being antagonists or villains (as I find it easier to make a foil to a protagonist than a protagonist that everything will be bouncing off of). Soooooooo with that preface, allow me to show you my tiny, tiny, tiny collection of TS OCs ^^
The first one is a guy who was made for a concept where the girls go to China for a student exchange and have to deal with China's.... cutthroat education system, to say the least. This character was cooked up by me and my friend @starlight-4eva, and the name he's most known by is "Yi", or "one" in Mandarin. (He does have a proper Chinese name, that being Wáng Wěilóng (王伟龍))
Now, Yi is essentially a product of the aspect of the Chinese education system where everyone is publicly ranked so there is a motive to excel (but also to be super-toxic to those in lower ranks). He is extremely cocky, arrogant, and unfortunately very intelligent. He was in the same school as Violet in China, and he competed extremely fiercely with her for the position of top-ranked student in their class (if this sounds like two kids fighting over a video game leaderboard yeah it is, just imagine it in a school setting and the score is their grades). The rivalry is very one-sided but also not really kinda, since Yi is actively trying to mess with her in their competing, while Violet is mostly just trying to survive in school (and by that I mean bringing her A-game to everything). No cheating in exams though-- Yi is way too good for that! Besides, why cheat when you have psychological warfare?
For the longest time, Violet dominated her class's leaderboard with Yi hot on her heels, but the entire time, Yi wasn't bitter. Named "Er" at the time, he knew that all it took for him to take the top spot was a single screw-up. A single mistake. A single millisecond where Violet let her guard down. And it happened.
Violet fell from first rank to second, and he, now taking the rank "Yi", was ruthless in letting her know all about it, giving her the name "Er", which in Chinese means "two", but also has connotations of inadequacy, worthlessness, and lack of intelligence. He never failed to gloat about it, and as a rattled Violet attempted to regain her top rank, Yi was more than happy to watch "Er" struggle and fail, all while holding an iron grip over his new title.
Violet was able to recover from her fall, but she was never able to regain her top rank. Even in her gaokao, the infamous college eligibility exam, she missed the chance to overtake Yi by 0.1% in score. 0.1% too short.
Mouseford was a good place to heal and open herself up to new people with different ideologies, but in this student exchange, some old wounds burst back open as she finds to her horror that she is not only having the exchange in the same school Yi is studying in for university, not only is she in the exact same class as Yi, but Yi is just as arrogant and smug as ever. He is a walking, talking red flag (a male green tea bitch, if you will), and he does everything he does to make Violet as uncomfortable as possible (down to mild sexual harassment. Nothing too crazy, just him being an unfortunately smartass delinquent who constantly says he and Vi are "tied together by Yue Lao's Red Thread of Fate and flirts with her, knowing full well how uncomfortable Violet is with it. Hey, anything to throw her off her game even by just 0.05% of her 100%. A small number like that is enormous in an exam that's worth 33% of their entire grade in a single subject, right?).
(Here's some old doodles I did of him and Violet in 2021, something something I headcanon that Violet is Year of the Steel Dragon while Yi is Year of the Steel Serpent, something something Chinese dragons are unable to fly when injured on the crest of their head according to some site I don't remember rn, something something allegory to how Chinese communities is basically like playing socially political 3D chess constantly)
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The second one is a bit weird, but you're gonna have to hear me out on this one. If you've seen him in my Artfight, then yes, he technically originated from a Thea Sisters fic concept.
Du Yaoguai/DYG is a snake demon (Chinese demon, not Western), and while his Artfight profile says all, I do have to give a little bit of extra context.
He was supposed to be an antagonist in a fic scenario where the girls, in a Seven Roses Unit thing, crash-land into a fantasy world based on mythical China, and because it's not supposed to be kid-friendly and because the Heavenly Court put a "VIP pass, no VIP no entry" sign in front of the world's barrier, outsiders are to either be killed or kicked out as soon as possible, whichever happens first. DYG, being a human-eating snake demon monster, has his eyes on the girls and would like to have them for dinner, and he's willing to use every trick in the book to get them to fall into his trap. Mansplain, manipulate, manwhore, if you simp I'm not stopping you, but my Artfight rules do apply to him even outside of Artfight
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And finally (for now), this is Olovo.
"But E, I can't make heads or tails of this crappy concept sketch!" Oh, I know.
You'll get to know him eventually :]
Anyway that's it byeeee--
#geronimo stilton#thea stilton#thea sisters#questions with e#my yi ramble wound up being super-long but eeehhhh he is a lot as a character /aff /derogatory#he is very much tied to the culture he was raised in which y'know needed a bit of explaining#shoutout to @starlight_4eva for making him with me she was the one who helped me flesh out his character the most#come to think of it he's basically karma akabane if karma put all his eggs into being a smart sonuvabitch instead of half-half#(the other half being being a sadistic delinquent lmao)#maybe i'll redraw the thing with him and vi at some point#maybe when i'm feeling masochistic and decide i wanna re-explore the wonderful (nightmare) world of chinese dragon snouts#i drew him with the intent of him looking like every delinquent ever especially with the slicked-up hair#but i am asian so i'm curious to know if ya'll non-asians see that style as attractive#fr every single delinquent in my old school had their hair slicked up with totally-not-hairgel#it's to the point where the hairstyle isn't attractive to me haha#i see it and i immediately go “ah yes. a punkass bitch”#anyway it's 1am i should go o<-<
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When someone tells you they don't like hugs, that's not an invitation for you to "cure them". It is not a "you" thing, although sometimes it might be. You thinking "they have to get used to it" because "your hugs are different" and "that's how you show love" is not a valid argument. Hugging them out of the blue as a goodbye is not cool either. Fuck off.
#ok to rb in case someone is in the same boat but thinks the post is too personal#this friend of mine...#pretends he's great but can't respect one basic thing#he's lucky I have grown to control my emotions and not lash out#i hate it#don't hug me or touch me end of line#i am honest to god feeling sick#this dude and I have history where I borderline felt incapable of saying no and had sex with him#afterwards I told him how I felt#yet he still pulls this shit#hugs make me sick to my stomach I don't even hug my family#and I really don't wanna hug a man who pretty much made me hate sex (for myself) as a whole#i feel disgusting rn#twice he hugged me and got mad when I refused to hug him again#even after I already told him I hated it#then asks if I'm scared of him because of that like you piece of shit I wanna rip my skin out where you touched it#I may pretend to everyone that I'm a strong confident man but good lord#sometimes I wish I had an over protective boyfriend so he could kick him in the teeth over this shit#it's ridiculous I know but fuck#apologies if you read all these tags but I over drank after this and none of my friends are awake and I needed to vent#garrett.text
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Opinions on Dream? :^
SO many feelings about him omgg rant under cut please forgive me
okay so i don't really talk or draw him much cause honestly,,,most of the times i just think he's a bit....boring? or more accurately plain? not in a mean way either but just in a 'fades into the background' type of way like don't get me wrong!! he's a really nice friend to his peers, his feelings about his powers and aura making his relationships harder to navigate and trust along with his whole conflict with nightmare and morality about what's good and bad IS very cool!! and i love it whenever they write him to be complex and not on this black and white mentality or when he's just straight up following along his friends with no free will or with a dubious purpose without ever addressing his issues or feelings! it's just unsatisfying to me :')
or when they're making him the 'naive' and oblivious, (sometimes childish?) character being marked as the obstacle and villain along with the other star sanses from the fic's pov, always talking about doing good things while fighting his brother and not hearing him out about the balance, (and for weak reasons most of the time. like it's been so long and you STILL haven't sat down with him when he's, generally, basically begged you to just have a talk? guys please :'( ) or when they go for the victim sad dream always missing the old nightmare, where corrupted nightmare is the incarnation of evil, with no sympathy or emotion except anger and sadistic glee, killing and hurting everyone and dream's just trying to protect the multiverse and dream's always been in the right. such extremes!!!
LIKE!! i hope i'm not the only one that thinks a 500+ year old should have had enough time to idk. learn things? about people and manipulation and deceit? after knowing what the villagers did to night? about the bad things in the world and how there's a lot of grey areas in life and that he maybe reflected on his past enough to process and ask himself if there should to be a convo to settle his differences with nightmare (and you can make nightmare the stubborn one too! or have them BOTH be petty and imperfect and have some things wrong and some right at the same time like why do i always see the good guy vs bad guy cliché with these two when they're the perfect example of why positivity doesn't have meaning without the negativity!! as long as there's a satisfying evolution or growth that doesn't leave me empty i'm good yknow?)
plus i believe dream really isn't as dumb as people view him. i do get some of you saying he probably can't read or write since that's actually a pretty interesting idea to explore! but in general please let him have emotions other than pure sunshiny happiness or endless sadness like he's gotta have more depth than that! let him make mistakes, have flaws that don't just make him the bad guy that's always in the wrong by default, and be angry or suspicious or jealous or bitter or battling his mental health problems/depression or malicious or smart or witty or mischievous and silly or sarcastic or ANYTHING dude i just want him to be put into different scenarios where he can be serious or lighthearted like it doesn't even have to be long or perfect but make him feel real.
it could definitely be that i don't read or see much art about dream or really look for it hard enough but also i just. i feel bad for even saying this fr and i wanna be honest about why i don't enjoy most stories about him cause he always gets the worst treatment along with ink!!! especially ink omg the poor guy has it the worst i think like wow do they mess him up :'(
always one dimensional in non shippy fics, or too plain or easily replaceable by other, more entertaining people in the significant other's life in most of his ships like man. i have read fics out there that made me genuinely FEEL and root for him and love his character so much it restored all hope for me!!! but i can only name one on top of my head and the others? it's been so long i don't even remember their names i just legit feel terrible cause i love him still and i can't find many headcanons that fit my interpretation of him yknow?
not to say people who write him very happy, mislead or sad are ruining him like that's silly- if i see something i don't like i just. move on bro i wouldn't force people to feel or think the same way i do about him cause anyone can have whatever headcanons they want!!! just talking about what i personally look for in him and why i can't exactly find it since most of the stuff out there just isn't my cup of tea :')
hopefully i didn't set anyone off with this rambling opinionated essay i just pulled hhh xD i know i know he's a popular character and i know a lot of people like dream so *sobs* please please recommend me artists and fics about him that you think is good it's been so looong since i've read or seen anything new that makes me attached to this little guy aughg<33333
#ask#rambling#delete later?#probably xD i just wanna love him SO much but sometimes he's just *sigh*...forgettable#i tried to explain myself but also it's like 4 am and i skimmed through the proofreading so don't take this too seriously HHH#like really even when i do read good fics about him he's not on the forefront of my mind and it's painful to me :'(#i used to see him as my third fav but now? ever since i've read and seen characters who get heavier more in depth plots?#i can't say it with as much confidence :') and dream lovers out there i am not bashing your choice or even your headcanons#to each their own but i really wanna hear someone be passionate about him in my feed or askbox like TELL me about him#i've seen ink rants out there that are FIRE like so true!!! but where's the dream defense team???#maybe it's just me tho :') btw i still like cream but not the same way as before if i'm being real#it feels the same...all of it and it makes me wanna bite something ARGHGG#i know i know i ship some stuff that's basic too hhh but dream and cross are always written the same and dream is too innocent#and nightmare is too weird in some of these fics like if MY brother ever tried to literally attack my hypothetical partner????#i wouldn't give him the :'((( sad face and weakly tell him to 'please stop...you're hurting him'' like NO girl they're TWINS#they're the same age i would tell him to BACK off and not insert himself in my love life after years of ignoring and fighting LIKE#especially since most of the time cross is actually good to dream and all- so he doesn't have a good reason to disrupt his bro's dates#UGH i just have so many opinions but basically i would love him a lot lot more than i do now if they also let him be more flexible#and shake things up like with shattered and stuff! gimme alternate versions of him even if it's too ooc like we do for all the other sanses#jaa i am SO sorry you had to read all that dude thank you so much for passing by :'D
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Being nonbinary and dressing feminine sometimes despite very much not being a woman is. Its like hello strangers hello new friends im making please dont immediately steamroll
#contemplating a lot#rant#feel free to ignore#i just. so like. im very nonbinary#which i suppose many nonbinary people are#to the point im like. well i cant go to a transmasc support group or a transfem support group cause i doubt either would#see me as someonr who fits (wish my city had a general trans meetup but we arent big enough i guess)#i know I KNOW theres a bunch of cisgender fucks who think nonbinary = woman and it drives me up a Fucking wall#i know theres (even more ouch) a portion of lesbians and queer ppl who see nonbinary as woman-lite or feminine man#and just dont fucking put in the effort to grasp what being outside man or woman (or overlapping) could be#(probably ovdrlaps w ppl who refuse to grasp pansexuality or bisexuality)#and like. when i was young? maybe i wouldve seen myself as a trans man#but when that didnt totally fit i felt well. maybe bigender then. nonbinary. yeah that fits i suppose#or maybe i am a trans man who just doesnt want to change myself for societal pressure#but i do relate to being a woman too? so nonbinary feels best. but i certainly dont feel like a woman#im okay with she he they. but if i tell strangers theyll usually default to ONE so i just say#THEY so strangers dont immediately try to basically pretend im not nonbinary by sticking to another pronoun they feel is easier to them#and if i say They the fact remains: are these new strangers or friends dicks who dont respect my gender even tho they#accomodated to sayibg they? do they say she in private to friends. do they refer to me as a gender im not when im not present#idk i have been... interacting with a lot of straight dudes lately. and im like? im bi and nonbinary so im like. well if ur straight dude im#not sure u would even Wanna date me? u are aware im a dude too? are u okay with that? can u respect that???#which has NEVER happened to me before. cause i only dated bi guys nonbinary peeps like me or nonbinary lesbians#ive never dated a person i feared may actually not see me as I Actually Am and have accepted iy
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hate how im now at a point where im legit like kicking my legs and grinning like an idiot over fictional characters SEND HELP
#take One Guess who im talking about. YES ITS KOI BOI#hes so prettyyyyy and cute and lovely and i love looking at him i wanna hear him speak and laugh and sing just AAAAAAAAAAAA#(turns to my own brain) BITCH WE ARE MEANT TO BE AROACE WHY ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH TWO FICTIONAL CRIMINALS WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?????#my brain: (that fuckin anime girl gif from evangelion (i think??))#like fuuuuuck man is it self shipping if u use a proxy? like. hes an oc but he's a stand in for me. he is me and i am him but we also arent#he is his own person and i am my own our lives are very very different but i use him to express love for Mad Dog and Koi Boy#cause they could actually love him if i were in their world i wouldnt stand a chance but my boy has one so he loves them for me#its far easier to imagine him kissing them than it is for me to imagine myself kissing them but that might be because im wired weird#idk it *feels* like it counts yknow. my dumbass out here gettin jealous when i see a Certain Ship cause like i disagree with it on#a Fundamental Level. and on TOP of that half the time the art is so CUTE and im like 'motherfucker that should be ME' or i guess my lad but#STILL am i making sense?? doesnt help that i worry im like. misreading what content i have but also fuck you i can do what i want and also#i get him more than yall kgyugkhjhk (jk jk. Unless) basically when i call them my boyfriends i fuckin mean it#look its Real Missing Nishiki Hours i love him i wanna kiss his perfect face someone shoulda shown him love i could save him and he could#make me worse <3 I Want Him#and do not get me wrong i may be focused on him but Majima is still my wifey too!!! hes mine you cant have her <3#i just have koi boy brainrot i very much desire them Both (YES THAT MIGHT BE WHY I SHIP THEM TOO LOOK I ALSO THINK THEYD WORK WELL TOGETHER#OR AT LEAST HAVE A FUN DYNAMIC TO EXPLORE I SHOULD DATE THEM AND THEY SHOULD DATE EACH OTHER WE ALL HAVE 2 HANDS)#might delete this in the mornin who knows but im feelin silly i wanna talk about them i wanna talk about my boy but idk if ppl would really#GET IT yknow i can think of maybe Two People and that INCLUDES bestie but just aaaa point is i love my koi boy so much hes so lovely <3 <3
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gonna be real noah kahan doesnt appeal much to me because all of a sudden he was everywhere and inescapable but i think i get why people like him? just not for me 😔
Oh noooo I get it though. He did kind of explode and then end up absolutely everywhere. I grew up in New England, so not only has he been on my radar for while, but for me personally, his songs are extremely relatable - there is a certain trauma associated with growing up in that area haha (I also think his song Maine is so stupidly clever because there are the lines:
"If only, baby "There were cameras in the traffic lights They'd make me a star"
AND IN MAINE IT IS ILLEGAL TO HAVE CAMERAS IN THE TRAFFIC LIGHTS like there aren't red light cameras OR speed camera in the traffic lights which I am aware is a very weird niche thing but it was a very important part of my summer driving up to beach when I was a teenager in my very red car lol)
Thank you for sending in this ask! I hope you had a wonderful Sunday and that you have a great rest of your week!
❤️Ally
#allylikethecat#ask ally#keep it kind#the fob to 75 pipeline#does not involve noah as much as i thought it would rip#noah is still my boy though#im mean because i grew up in new england is also something i find extremely relatable#he really just... captured the entire feeling of growing up where i did#and the weird expectations of that#so like im a huge fan#BUT i get why people aren't into him#and i am also a little surprised hes suddenly everywhere#im like sir thats my lil folk singer who overshares about how bowel movements on the internet#and nearly burnt down my fav taco place lol#im going to see him at fenway this summer and i am going to be insufferable seeing him with the squad#i cried when i saw him in my current place of residence#but seeing him at FENWAY#my bitter little new englander heart is going to burst#its like seeing fall out boy in chicago lol#or not that i ever have#but seeing the 1975 in manchester#gosh music is just so good#and there is so much out there#and its so cool how there is something for everyone#also i just really love maine#i wanna go to maine basically at all times#sometimes i dream of being old and moving there#because i just maine
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Actually it is SO weird to me to remember that I was an engineering student and that later on I had been pursuing a minor in statistics
I may be a IT & com person in the end, but I do have the foundations of engineering and statistics in my brain too. Wild !
#speculation nation#if i hadnt liked coding so much i probably wouldve still been an engineer.#like my school does a first year engineering track where u learn the basics and then explore different engineering options#so by ur second year u choose your official track and that decides the rest of your schooling.#and id been thinking about computer & electrical engineering. often goes hand in hand.#guys i couldve been an electrical engineer. honestly that wouldve been so cool. wasnt meant to be tho 👍#i took a coding class my 2nd semester. first experience with coding. it was in C. i LOVED it.#and it got me comparing computer engineering and computer science and i decided that i wanted to do computer science#but well the intro course for that fucking sucked. didnt wanna go back to engineering either bc i hated engineering lol#im smart enough but it's fuckin soul sucking man.#eventually tho i found my way to my current home. im a techie :3 and im happy with that.#anyways do i seem like the kind of person who was into engineering and statistics? sometimes it's weird for me to remember.#but i did spent Years assuming id end up as an engineer. my grandpa was one. my dad was studying to be one b4 he dropped out#and my sister is one. just kinda runs in the family i guess. & so i was So Sure that was where i was going.#took. an engineering class in high school and everything. taught me some good foundational skills in modeling#also was the class that let me develop my signature. bc we had a notebook we had to sign the top of every day#so me doing my signature over and over again. i decided to use it as an opportunity to make it My Own. rather than just my name in cursive.#so yeah im a techie that talks good but i do have that math brain. engineering basis. statistics knowledge.#kinda feel like a jack of all trades (master of none) with it all. but see thats a good thing for companies (i hope)#ive got foundational knowledge of many things. and i am Adaptable. they can teach me the in depth shit i need to know themselves.#and i Also have my work experience in management... which i hope will help my case when applying to companies too.#aaaahhh!!! so many things to think about!!! but at the end of the day i am smart & educated and i will be a good asset to any company i join#i just need to convince them of that 😂 but i can probably figure something out. something !!!#i will graduate college and get some kind of IT job that pays decently & work my way up to maybe someday being an IT manager or smth#i can finally start. truly growing up. instead of being stuck in forever college unable to drive myself anywhere.#have my IT job and a car and the ability to do Whatever i want.... god i want it so bad.#im just daydreaming by this point. god im so excited to finally graduate college.
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Actually cry so goddamn hard when I think about Shinjiro Aragaki healing and being loved and having to learn to be okay with himself and being taken care of
#writing him has just been like. OOOOWOEOEOEOOE i piss tears i cant handle this shit this gay ass shit#i came up with an idea for just like a cute short one shot i wanna do soon and hnnnghh im so emo about it#very healing its like very hard to write some of the shit im gonna be writing cuz basically#some of it is just a little too real man and while i crave the angst and the drama i am just like#AND THEN EVERYONE HOLDS HANDS AND ITS OKAY PLEASE DONT CRY PLEASE#and ive mentioned how shinji has accidentally become nb to me now because i just kinda happened to write him that way without meaning to#and now another thing im noticing is that in my fic hes kinda bpd coded#it definitely wasnt intentional but now im accepting it as truth no one can stop me#i just really need him to be happy its more important to me than anything else man i need it for me#and he needs to be gay with aki they need to kissy and i think its funny cuz even in the parts where shinji is mad at aki and pushing him#away its like. he kinda has it bad lol and its clear he feels no actual hatred towards aki but more just self deprecation because he doesnt#feel good enough and like idk i just think about their respective roles in society like#aki is an honor student star boxer hero very attractive very kind very popular got adopted by a rich family#hes going places you know meanwhile shinji is a drop out who never had a family ever hes homeless hes sketchy hes on drugs#his reputation couldnt be any worse and he just leans into it and feels he has no future and hes worthless garbage#and aki could literally have anyone he wants you know he has an army of girls pining over him but he doesnt want them#HE WANTS SHINJI AND NO ONE ELSE HE SPENDS YEARS CHASING AFTER HIM#and shinji HATES it hes trying so hard to push him away and be the crusty delinquent and make aki see how worthless he really is#but aki just doesnt stop he loves him so much makes me sick SICK#and shinji really loves him back hes like not gonna shut up ever about aki hes like either doing it in a gay ass annoyed way#or hes like ‘haha omg aki is so cute though hes always trying so hard to be tough but hes just so sweet and gentle you know i hope he#doesnt push himself too hard if he got hurt id fall apart hes so silly i hope hes eating good i desire him carnally’#yeah sorry gamers this is just a pairing i cant be normal about they mean so much to me personally the fate of the world rests upon them
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#sorry. i cant access twt and bluesky wasnt doing it for me (bc of the ppl there) but i need ta talk about elvis wtf 😭😭😭#i listened to burning love like probably 10 times today and i have this thing that i want to listen to a certain track on the album it first#came out#which i couldn't really identify cuz it was a single and i could find the record on spotify so i had to pick an album to make it the one i#listen to burning love#to loop it basically lmfao#and honestly???? that song is so good it makes me so happy and his voice is just fucking amazing ive always known that i knew it but this#time ive been hit by him so hard idk what happened but im enjoying it so much 😭😭 i also discovered this is a cover actually and i went#after the one who wrote it and sang it his name is Arthur i forgot his last name but he was also covered by the beatles and all these rock#white ppl like honestly its sad this happens all the time but im grateful he made this song cuz the melody os just beautiful and the energy#is there all the times i loveeee it so much!!! elvis makes his thing and also the band. the band enhances so much what he does it works so#well it makes my heart jump and feel shit right down my stomach it's instant dopamine serotonin and all the happy shit#ik this song is well known but honestly it is my fav. it's something about his deep ass voice and confidence and appeal that makes fall for#it. it's so attractive and addictive and it always fucking catches me im so happy im feeling like this byeeee#i wanna watch some videos of him before sleeping but i need to tidy my Things Hole. i was such in a good mood that i started cleaning it but#i didnt finish cuz my video finished exporting and ive been editing it until now and its almost 11pm and i need to put everything back but i#cant do it without wiping it all down and stuff i am gonna sleep late lmfao#anyways i love elvis :^)
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#every time I call someone my best friend they turn into a fucking problem that just hurts me and makes me sick#is it me? am I doing something wrong? am I not supposed to have close friends?#or am I just such a fuckup that by being myself it’s inevitable that I’ll ruin my friendships?#kissed my bro on the cheek last week when he wasn’t doing too great and in my mind I was doing it just as an extra way to be encouraging#and show my support and that I’m here for him cause tbh I’ve done that with plenty of other friends and it ain’t no thing#but after a week of wondering why he’s been distant and not wanting to be around me when I’m saying I just need some time with a friend he#finally admits that he thought that was weird and out of line. so I gotta backtrack and try to explain myself but now all the stupid little#pieces be fitting and I realize that he’s probably been misconstruing me wanting time with him as thinking I’m gonna try to flirt with him#or something else fucking dumb like that. despite the fact that that has never been the case and he knows me fundamentally as a person and#should know I wouldn’t ever do anything that could make either of us cheaters even incidentally. plus he’s basically like a brother to me#and I have an AFAB partner so it’s not like I’m trolling for cock anyway and he knows that too. but now I gotta go back through every#interaction we’ve had since that happened and analyze whether or not I was weird or awkward or inappropriate in some way that he could be#upset about at all. and also act like everything is fine and keep it pushing like normal and police every future action to be safe too#because of course he can’t just be straight up about anything or tell me if something bothered him no I gotta play a whole ass fucking#guessing game. and now I also can’t trust that my best friend who is supposed to know me so well won’t take things I say/do the wrong way.#can’t trust that my best friend won’t see me in a poor light now because it’s clearly been affecting the friendship#and like totally that’s my bad I overstepped a boundary I didn’t realize was there but you should have just fucking told me at the time#instead of pulling this shit and giving me anxiety and blowing me off and making me feel like shit#can’t rely on him or trust him or anything and what’s the fucking point of even having a best friend if this is what happens? I’m at the end#of my fucking rope right now so stressed and anxious and no matter how much I try to talk to him or anything he just brushes me off and#won’t let me explain or get my feelings out or anything else. but hey at least I was around for him the other day when he needed somebody#good thing I was there to keep him from going back to drinking or something else stupid and could help him out. cause that’s what really#matters right just being able to help somebody else when they need it even if they don’t reciprocate and are actively hurting me instead of#just being there for me as a friend. guess we try again tomorrow huh? what else can be done I suppose. just get to suffer and be riddled#with anxiety and stress and depression eating away at me and ruining my fucking life. can’t even enjoy the Olympics or anything else because#I’m stuck overthinking this dumb shit. just want this to be over and things to be back to normal. wanna stop being upset about this shit and#be able to let it go but I don’t fucking know how and I can’t keep losing friends because it’s killing me#personal
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I am baking cake at midnight and it is going to kill me <3
#it’s just gone in the oven which means at least 25 minutes and probably more like 45 bc I made a Lot#am also kiiiinda winging the recipe so my expectations are on the floor#this is. for a bake sale. pray for me#I’m gonna make the icing tonight and leave it in the fridge overnight I think for tomorrow morning#this has gone wrong at every available opportunity it was 100% not worth it#however! given the prices my friend wants to sell this at i May have turned this into like over £100 which isn’t bad#TWO CAKES. WHY AM I MAKING TWO CAKES#I’m procrastinating washing up the stuff I used to make the batter (hell) bc itssosososo messy and I just wanna shout abt stuff#primarily that I am once again so upset that I only get one more week of ice hockey before summer#there are two parts to this feeling: 1. I love ice hockey I’ve been having such a good time this past week while I’ve not had to stress#abt anything else. 2. gay. gay gay homosexual gay#like okay I’ve been worried abt whether this is an actual crush or I just convinced myself I like him bc pretty+queer#(because of course I can worry abt that). BUT yeah sorry no can confirm I like this dumb fuck this is so unfair#we talked a BUNCH last night and he’s just really cool.#ohhhh fuck I don’t think the oven was properly preheated bc I opened it for a while to fit the two tins in. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#anyway!! he’s really fun to talk to someone help like if he does turn out to be single I could in THEORY text him over summer. maybe.#his birthday will be coming up and my friend suggested that. I’m being insane but oh my god this is torture#I ALSO watched the newest dr who episode today and that did NOT HELP. one of the first things in a while that have given me like#this same specific feeling when I get into gay romantic media. the ‘reading gay shit on wattpad at age 14 feeling’ if you will#where there’s like this weight in the pit of my stomach. it’s NICE that doesn’t sound good but it is#is this what straight people get with romance all the time. I know I just don’t watch/read much anymore but also#there’s straight romance in literally everything so.#but yeah basically I need another month of fuck around time minimum when everyone’s in this city so I can get my shit together#ALSO. I ONLY HAVE A YEAR LEFT HERE. THATS TERRIFYING. a year is a long time but it’s also not this one disappeared and this is like.#WAY too early to even consider that but he’s gonna be here probably for a year after I leave and that could suck if anything does happen.#I guess in theory I’m taking a year before phd probably so I could work here. idk man anyway that one is actually insane of me I’m just gay#boy 😔. they shouldn’t be allowed to do this#on Wednesday he’ll be done with exams and so will my other friend who knows him well. so I will be able to 1. subtly see w her if girlfriend#2. potentially. MAYBE ask what she thinks I’m just trying to decide whether that’s too much to put on her. I think I’m being insane there#luke.txt
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