#the main story will be a comic......... other stuff people wanna know id asks.......... and then i guess i draw here snd there | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

karaslluthor · 7 years ago

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supercorp fanfic masterpost

due to the shitfest that was comic con (except u katie mcgraff, u my main hoe) I've decided to post all my fav fics to boost the morale in this fandom bc even tho melhoohaa hurt my feelings i would die for supercorp also, im VERY sorry to the people who keep asking for me to post this and its taken about 7 years, I'm just a busy lady ok p.s. im a smut whore so ur welcome for a section dedicated for pure sin at the end

MULTI FICS Giant by @coeurdastronaute 90k+, ongoing, this is my fucking FAV, lena and kara meet in high school but not a high school AU, and its super angsty and L O V E honestly.

my youth is yours by @lynnearlington 182k+, ongoing, my other fucking favvvvv! literally marked my soul and id read this everyday if i could bc never in my life have i read a fic that made my heart hurt this much ily writer

you are the fire (and i'm gasoline) by @lenacorporations 80k+, completed, literally read this is a day and holy fuck THE BEST! pls go and read this if you haven't. childhood au its so damn cute

It's in the Stars (It's been Written in the Scars/On our Hearts) by @homodramatica 201k+, ongoing, another fav!!!! seriously fucking read this now. its like angst and fluff and smut all wrapped up in a supercorp love fest and i fucking ride hard for this fic Learning Control by FrostedLimits 24k+, completed, kara can't control her powers in the bedroom and lena is more than happy to help, also periwinkle kryptonite is cool Mercy by Rykeral 329k+, ongoing, literally the longest and also the SLOWEST burn of all time, like I'm talking slow but its got everything like angst, fluff, action and lenas just a fucking badass.

Paranoia Incarnated by @justmickeyfornow 86k+, ongoing, kara gets infected by this stuff and gets uber paranoid and needs to hear lenas heartbeat to calm down and lena doesn't know karas supergirl and its super cute and angsty FUCKING READ THIS NOW EVERYONE I'm telling ya

Jealous of the way (you're happy without me) by @blood-inthefields 17k+, ongoing, karas a jealous hoe but its super sad tbh

Supergirl In Training by @wtfoctagon 70k+, completed, if u haven't read this are u even a supercorp fan?

the heiress, the girl of steel, and the man who fell to earth by @littlekbrother 66k+, completed, LISTEN HERE this is one of my favs and mon-el is actually a good character basically everything supergirl should actually be and you need to fucking read this.

They only lack the light to show the way by @jennysparksandtheauthority 45k+, ongoing, SUPER BABIES

Lipstick On Your Collar by Remyroo17 52k+, completed, lena and kara have a baby together and ITS SO GOOD

The Day Lena's Earth Stood Still by SuperTweety 60k+, ongoing, kara is lenas assistant, she's weirded out about aliens but then they make sweet love and its gAY

You're Never Alone, Lena by HEDA_OWNS_MY_SOUL 79k+, ongoing, lenas a fucking badass and kara and lena love each other

You Wanna Be Friends Forever? I Can Think of Something Better by @myheartisbro-ken 93k+, ongoing, kara and lena just support each other so much i fucking love this fic

Breathe by @silent-rain91 114k+, completed, kara and lena broke up 6 yrs ago and kara finds out they have twins, kara also has a penis but its cool don't worry guys, one big happy family and oh so much angst

Worlds Between Us by @lycanhood 38k+, completed, lena and supergirl are friends with benefits and angst ensues, also red k kara hello

At Least I Got You in My Head by @queenghostling 25k+, ongoing, this is the saddest thing ever tbh, lena self harms and lillian's a fuckhead. lena and lucy for a little bit supercorp endgame apparently. TW for self harm and sexual abuse.

i'll love you till my breathing stops by @poiperoi 41k+, ongoing, boarding school au, and karas just a big fat alien and its so cute.

Impeccable timing by @thatsgaydanvers 22k+, ongoing, lena gets preggers before meeting kara and kara is overprotective and cute af The Liar Game by @ladyptarmigan 75k+, ongoing, slow burn uphill battle supercorp, still haven't finished but I'm already hooked!!!!

Invictus by @annien 43k+, ongoing, lena takes kara to an arcade and kara stripteases for lena and its cute ok

it's easy (when i'm with you) by @falsealarm 17k+, ongoing, kara accidentally kisses lena and then they are horny little teenagers but also super fluffy idk its a good mixture ok

Protective Custody by @thatsalotofboobs 23k+, completed, lenas in protective custody with kara and its just a big gay sleepover and then they bang. Not Afraid to Fall by @prettyaveragewhiteshark 38k+, completed, lena and supergirl are sex buddies and angst ensues bc kara and lena love each other also sky sex??? You Wanna Be Friends Forever? I Can Think of Something Better by @myheartisbro-ken 93k, ongoing, this is just a big gay slow burn and lenas just in love with kara and they are cute okay read it

In Rao's Light by @letswreakhavoc 41k+, ongoing, lena makes a sex room and its just pure sin ur welcome Red Earth & Pouring Rain by @automaticheartache 10k+, ongoing, karas on red k to admit her feelings for lena and its a mess but its a good mess Super Crush by @dophroll 44k+, ongoing, young pure love help this is cute af, time skips and sin Bite me... by @kassebaum 13k+, completed, kara makes kryptonite bracelets so she can bang lena If you don't love me, pretend (just for a few more hours)... by Khrat9 24k+, completed, kara and lena bang all the time and realise they love each other bc obviously Restraint by DaniJayNel 17k+, completed, lena basically becomes a kryptonian and gets to finally bang kara at the DEO Firsts by writerstealth 17k+, completed, supercorp love story told in a series of firsts!!!!! Duality by @mssirey 36k+, completed, start is pure sin but gets fluffy, supergirl and lena have LOTS of sex and kara and lena love each other idk man its good

Three Days by Silent_Specter 42k+, completed, ANGST AND ACTION AND LOVE ONE SHOTS we are what we pretend to be by C_AND_B kara and lena fake date but like who are they kidding i've just seen a face (i can't forget the time or place where we just met) by karalovesallthegirls kara gets drunk and licks lenas neck a lot In This World, And The Next by @stennnn06 KATIE MCGRATH READ THIS ALOUD AT COMIC CON GUYS, marriage proposal cute af If the Suit Fits by @littlekbrother lena knows about kara before she comes out as supergirl and designs her suit!! I've Been Outed by SwanQueen4tw karas outed as supergirl bc of a puppy The more you know by @spaceman-earthgirl lena accidentally tells alex she had sex with kara It was her all along by @spaceman-earthgirl alex sees texts on karas phone and tries to find out who it is There for all to see by @spaceman-earthgirl just realised how many fav one shots i have from this author so just go read everything she has really lol I'm not kidding you won't be disappointed Jealous by 8ounce lenas jealous of mon-el and tries to make kara jealous with supergirl Oopsie! by Emiko_Scarlet lenas pregnant and get hurts and karas dramatic obvs wonderful electric (cover me in you) by @falsealarm fluff and smut, just read it its cute

SIN SIN SIN here we are, two helping hands by @falsealarm I Can See You In The Dark by GreyPallet & Sperryjayne you are everything (please touch me) by PerkyMetalhead A Dream Reality by ManyaZorEL Heatwave by yesverygoodallright Unraveling by gentlesin Not a Fantasy by wallofcrazy hands-on approach by exprsslyfrbidden not quite a damsel by blatant_sock_account Thunderbolt by chooseredemption Unavoidable Dreams by C_AND_B 40,000 feet by @kassebaum All I Want by breakerone Welcome home by Callmesnowy68 Snapping by freedombeats89 Not so secret by freedombeats89 need you by @icaruslena That's how you say thank you by @silent-rain91 Kara Danver's Most Successful Press Conference by @pendragn the one where they're only friends by blatant_sock_account The Unsuccessful Capture of a Luthor by @nevertobeships Love & Nudes by loopt This Place is a Shelter by @trashbb Yellow and Green by yesverygoodallright

YOU ARE WELCOME AND I HAVE NO LIFE SO PLEASE DONT STOP WRITING THESE BC I LITERALLY SURVIVE OFF THESE TYSM <3333

#supercorp #fic rec #supercorp fanfic #masterpost #supergirl #karlena #kara danvers #lena luthor #kara zor-el #katie mcgrath #melissa benoist #alex danvers #sanvers #chyler leigh #supercorp masterlist

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askguyslikeus · 7 years ago

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oh shit yall send lots of questions hoo nelly answering almost all of them under the cut ,,, im gunan try and answer more technical ones first then fun ones and ones about the mod later so u dont gotta scroll all the way to the bottom for the good deets

Hi! I'm still kinda new to the blog and I was wondering what are the 'do and do-not' kind question I should do? Because im sure theres always that one ask thats just Innapropiated, like that one of Michael 'taking advantage og high Jeremy' that was just not cool. i got this ask a lot so ill be clear with yall. im just not a big angst fan? so sending michael asks about his anxiety nonstop and about how he had a panic attack in the bathroom over and over again wasnt that fun. usually if it pertains the musical though you should be find sending an ask about it? but sometimes i get asks that are like “jeremy ur nothing and how does it feel knowing u fucked everything up” like homie how i think its feels? how u think hes gunna react to that? i made this blog to negate a lot of negativity in my own life so i can promise u im going to be answering asks mostly positive always forever. that being said tho i sometimes get asks pertaining to a few things that ive dealt with in the past and these topics make me very very uncomfortable. dont send asks about these topics please. this is the no no list

-self harm, cancer, suicide, rape, parent death, car accidents, sudden death.

What was your inspiration for this blog? hoo boy well,,, ultimately i thought of them rooming together and got emotional and made a huge list of headcanons and was like ,,, why not run an askblog for a bit ill just abandon it after three asks lets have some fun. but somehow im still here and i got sucked in by the complexity of michael and jeremy. i know that sounds kinda silly but just, as someone who is dealing with a lot of similar things, like dependency issues and abandonment issues and depression and anxiety, having these fun functioning character to explore was such a gift for me. i believe honestly thats why im still here and doing this. being able to try and portray a healthy relationship and a healthy way of coping and growing has helped me a lot this past month and given me an outlet i didnt have before. TBH THO the main reason i made this blog if imma be real with u guys id because i didnt like the treatment of a lot of these issues in the fandom. it made me very upset to see depression used as an plot device and michaels dependency issues treated as romantic so i wanted to make a blog that had little to no angst. ANYWAYS somehow im still here ,,, gvrkjvrnkjfd sorry i rambled

honestly I just wanna say first that I love his blog and your art and you're so cool and kind!! a question would be (I'm not sure if you've answered this before or not) but is there like an on going story here, or is it mostly just answering questions with the characters set in this universe? (if that makes sense I'm sorry!) thank you, you're super awesome! ❤️ djrnjg first off thank u so much aaaa,, ive kind of answered this before but its ok its been a while since then! but um i do kinda have a story but how howdy i sure am dragging my feet. the story isn a hUGE OVERARCHING EPIC OF WOE AND THIS PERSON IS UPSET AND THIS PERSON IS MAD AT THIS PERSON its just michael and jeremy getting together. i have a plan and ive talked to a few people on how i want it to happen but ive gained like ,,,, 6,000 followers since then and im kinda nervous BUT ILL DO MY BEST but also please understand that i do this for fun for myself and if i dont get to it im so so so sorry woops

i know this has been said before but i'm really really happy w how you're handling so many aspects of their characters. i.e. michael being trans, michael and jeremy's anxiety, michael's dependency issues, and other stuff i'm too tired to think of. you made the characters have even more depth than they did in the play and i'm rly grateful for the way you're dealing w my favorite boys. (also your richjake is suuuper adorable) ahhhhhh thank u so much? i talked a bit about this on my main but im really glad people are happy with my decision on this blog because im suPER SUPER NERvous anytime i post an ask dealing with these things. (ask hachi or nate i always message them like freaking out and send them my scripts and asks and wait for them to tell me its ok before i post it omg) also like i talked about before i love,,, having these fun stoner gamer boys to explore these issues with. im honestly shocked by how many people also deal with dependency issues because when i first listened to the musical i was so overwhlemed by the song michael int he bathroom because i had never heard someone basically write “dependency issue: the song” and it felt so so so good to realize i wasnt alone in this pit of despair i fall into so easily aha. but im!! glad everyone is ok with this wild ride im on right now (also thank u so much i struggle writing rich and jake but i get so emotional cause they would TOTES call each other babe)

how come you just use sketch form for most of your drawing (sketches and uses sketch for the final result)? im ,,, not really sure what this is asking but i thnk its along the lines of why do i only sketch my answers?? and i do that because dude do u see how often i post and how lONG some of them are. i made this blog for fun and i love doing comics but i hate lineart and coloring and if i tried to churn out finished pics for every post id defs have given up a few asks in,, shrugs

I want to say I love your little comics they're so funny! How long does it take you to make a comic? Are any of them based on your experiences? Ok have a nice day! thank you! i love my little comics too! it usually takes me anywhere from an hour to five hours if im dragging my ass or talking on discord while im drawing. it can be kinda exhausting but since i took my break ive also been like, starting long comics one day and finishing them another day which, before i would do it all in one sitting then post it hahha. AS FOR EXPERIENCE the first half of the lifeguard comic was based on real life! we were stuck stoned up there for like an hour or two? but we didnt have anyone to help us but we got down eventually!! the wendys comic is also something i did because man!! i need to compliment food workers if they do a good job!! ummmmm just like jenna i also have a friend that said HAHA BYE and moved to cali and she is also lIVING IT UP and doing really well for herself and shes very independent and shes very inspiring to me! hmm i think thats it besides i used to have movie nights with my dad all the time too except we would watch my fave animated movies and sometimes lord of the rings cause my dad loved that

What kinds of things can we NOT ask ? What kinds of things do you WANT us to ask ? i covered the what not to ask in the first question so!!! um if my askbox is open and u want to respond to previous asks ive answered for the boys that would be so so so rad. sometimes im done with a certain ask and i have nothing to add but sometimes ive got more to say but am looking for an opportunity! that being said it made me really happy that i got a lot of asks about pj? shes not going to the main focus of any more asks but!!! i was nervous to introduce her and im glad u guys like her shes fun to write. but overall just general asks i can make a big ol fun story out of so!! dont worry too much about what to ask, if its something ud ask a real person and not like “lol what if ur dad died” ur gunna be fine probably

Hi! Not a question but your blog is so sweet and refreshing! I actually really appreciate that you refuse angst, that stuff tends to rub me the wrong way in fandoms... Keep taking good care of these boys ! gggg thank u!!! it means a lot to me that a lot of people are backing me up on this! i mean if u are an angst fan there are a lot of askblogs that explore that!! so its not in short supply bmc askblog fandoms got something for everyone

Which drawing program do you use?? i use paint tool sai and my tablet is a cintiq !!

this isn't really related to the faq but that bakunawa boy reference was great I LOVE THAT FIC MAN!!! the line was originally a little diff in that ask but i changed it cause ,,,, i could,,,,

an art style question. how do you keep the design of characters consistent from frame to frame? my characters they look a lil different every time I draw em (or a lot different) and it tends to disrupt the flow of my comics/animations ohh boy hoo wee props for doing animations im too scared to give that a whirl but!! it helps that i draw all the panels for an ask on one canvas! so if my next panel is going to be the same character in the same spot just in a diff pose i keep the lower layer on just at low opacity so i can use it as a ref! that helps me a lot!

Sorry if I'm nosy or rude, but are you reflecting Micheal Anxiety, Panic attacks and depence? iii think this is asking if i reflect my own issues onto them boys? and if so then yes i do. i dont place any of my own personality or anything on the boys but i do use them as a way to help me learn how to cope with my own shit and i try to deal with their issues in the healthiest way possible while also keeping in mind they are flawed individuals aaa

what are your pronouns??? and maybe your main blog?? im a cis girl so she/her is good! and my main is squigglegigs! also that being said IF YOU SEE THE USERNAME SQUIGGLEGIGS ANYWHERE JUST?? ASSUME ITS ME?? i have a twitter and an instagram and my tumblr account

((Hello mod will Michael and Jeremy eventually someday get together. I love them.)) if all goes according to plan yes! if i get overwhelmed and stop having fun on this blog then no! sorry thems the breaks but! i do want them to get together so HOPEFULLY

going off on that confrience on pornogrefy for birds, Im geussing jeremy has played Hatoful Boyfriend. am I wrong? well it wasnt intended as that ref and i dont know anything about hatoful boyfriend but i can see jerm finding it and playing it so, sure homie! the pornography for birds thing is a my brother my brother and me reference! i love that show and them boys so give it a scope!

I'm crying bcuz Michael said he's in love with Jeremy and it's beautiful yeah that boy is DEEP IN love with his bro bro

Any advice for running an ask blog?? (Ps i love this blog keep it up) personally whats worked for me so far is doing just sketches for art. honestly ive been able to work so much more and post so much more often while also trying to work on my expressions and poses! also taking my own experiences and shaping them to fit the characters has been SO MUCH FUN. th most important thing tho is,,, dont overwork urself dude. if ur having a fun time it shows. if ur just forcing urself to churn out material and its not fun? like shit we doing this for free dont push urself? idk idk overall being looser with my art and writing the dialogue before hand has been the most helpful for me for this askblog! ive run a bunch before including @ask-maz and ive run that sporadically for ,, three or four years? its so funny cause u can see my art style juMP AROUND SO MUCH but i love that blog and i only update it like every other month or so but?? i still like doing it and no on likes those posts but it makes me smile so ANYWAYS

~ok from here on its mostly just me replying to nice messages or people asking me personal questions that dont pertain to askguyslikeus so!!~

I just wanted to say I really really love your blog and just your art in general!! Keep up the good work and hope you're having fun! thank u!!! i am having fun and im glad u enjoy it!!

What other musicals do you like? :0 i really like heathers A LOT. i also like doctor horrible i know thats not technically a musical but i just relistened to it and im emotional. i like dear evan hansen but it makes me really sad so i can only take it in moderation! ummm rent? chicago?? music man? now im just naming musicals i was in rip. being in a musical fandom is a new thing to me? i was really into heathers last year but didnt really interract with the fandom at SO THIS IS SUPER NEW?? ive never been into a musical as much as im into bmc and heathers tho

tell us a little bit about urself!! u seem v cool i am squigs or fork!! im 24 and work fulltime as a barista at starbucks! i get high on the beach with my friend gwen a lot and drink wayy to many slushies, my tv shows are brooklyn nine nine and bobs burgers right now! i table at conventions sometimes and sell my art as merch and whatnot and i cosplay as a hobby as well. im pretty boring but i draw a lot and always carry my big sketchbook with me and im pretty sure its given me back issues BUT OH WELL HAHA also i am very not cool THE TRUTH COMES OUT

Who do you most relate to from bmc and why? like ,,, a mix of michael and christine with a sprinkle of jeremy i guess ahaha i relate to michaels dependency issues and overarching positive attitude and love of music, i relate to christines bright disposition and the need to not stick to one set thing? like she loves theater cause she can be sO MANY PEOPLE and like same homie thats why i cosplay. and jeremys need to be likes while also ability to put himself out there is very relatable. i also identify strongly with his dad issues idk idk whats good

Also -- just thank you for how you handled all the panic attack and anxiety attack asks. I used to deal with anxiety attacks multiple times a day and it just was really nice that it was positive and not them having one. Thank you, sincerely. ahhhhhh ur so welcome i,,, have anxiety and it sucks and i deal with panic attacks like everyday at work so i dont really wanna come home and draw someone having one i guess? im glad its helping other people too tho!

Dude- I love your art? Actually so much? It's... I love it. The whole sketch-ish way your art style is, and the way you color, and the expressions! I'm so glad I found your work - you've given me so much inspiration. Keep doin what you're doin and I hope you have a good day! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ANytime any one compliments my expressions i die cause i legit made this blog to help with that as well ,,, like dam

im lvoe ur art style b o i :0 !!!!!!

Mod, I love you so much I love you you have my soul and my love and my eternal gratitude thank you and I love you (This is the guy who was excited about PJ on your ig live stream a while ago and I love you) !!!!!!!!! im so happy u like my content omg and that u like pj im so glad!! shes a good bean

I just wanna say... I'm crying over that post about Michael and his anxiety? cuz I know how it can feel that you're only your flaws and weaknesses, but Michael just tells that to screw off in the most wonderful way and I'm?? thank you so much for that post, I bookmarked it for future times when I can't look past my depression... honestly, that post made my day (along with every other post on this blog), thank you for being such a lovely part of this fandom ,,,, im,,,, im scared of a lot of this fandom tbh but if i can be something good that come out of it and my love of these boys and desire to show them functioning together in a healthy way can help other people its so much more than i ever thought id ever be able to do. i am blown away everyday by the support ive been given on this blog and i might be crying right now because i never thought id be able to touch other people like this and i just. im really glad yall are here with me for all this.

(To the mod: You are a beautiful person that I highly respect. I love this blog and what you set out to do. thanks for giving something that makes me smile and gives me something to look forward to everyday, keep up the good work! ❤ ) hey im still crying from the previous ask aaaaa im honestly so emotional

what are ur true feelings for wendy's??? i fucking love wendys man thats some top tier fast food right there

what fast food restaurant do you think has the best nuggets WENDYS HANDS DOWN

do you have a favorite movie? paranorman makes me very nostalgic and ive seen it like eighty times and used to watch it with my dad a lot and i love it

I would just like you to know that your Wendy's comic prompted me to pull the same thing with a bakery in the town I'm visiting and the baker got so excited and happy, so thank you for making that comic because I made that woman's day. GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE COMPLIMENT ME WHEN IM WORKING DUDE LIKE IM SO GLAD IT MADE U DO THIS!!! IM SMILING REALLY BIG!!

chocolate milk or strawberry milk? or plain? woops i hate milk im so sorry

do u love michael mell with all of ur heart, mod? i really truly do man what a fucking good ass character

hi squigs i love you! i love your content too and i hope u have a good day pal :> WHAT A SWEET BEAN!!! THANK YOU?? OMG

I'm just saying that recent ask you did with Michael really hit me hard because I really related to it and I started crying because it made me realize that I've been pining my self worth on everything my anxiety causes and I'm so much more than that. Thank you, so much for that I really needed it because I'm in a really bad place right now. <3 -for the mod i legit cry everytime i get asks or dms like this cause once again the idea that im helping other people is so ovwehelming i love you??? i let myself just be”depressed” for ahwile and by that i mean i just,, let my sadness consume me and i was scared of getting better cause the sadness was all i knew for so long and just. its so easy to think u are ur illness but you are so much more. soooo much more man.

I relate A Lot to Michael so the way you portray him in the blog is really good, and I think it's really awesome you refuse to like?? do terrible stuff and answer bad questions just bc people wanna see that. You run this blog really well 👌 AHHHH THis is the biggest compliment thank u so much ,,, i get real anxious bout this blog soemtiems but then yall send me sweet things like this and its worth it man

Hey mod, just know you're a really cool person. Thanks for running this blog in the first place. Keep doing the great work. thank you!!!! for ur support!!!!

not really a question!! i just wanted to say your posts on this blog always brighten my day and you're really an incredible artist and person, keep rockin on my dude!! *clutching my heart* the fuck this is so sweet

1 .I just wanted to say your blog is really awesome! It's very lovely. I also like how you made michael trans and like handled it? (just with how all the characters treat him and stuff its v nice). Your art is super duper! Thanks for running this awesome blog! 2. Hey! This isn't a question but I wanted to say that I appreciate michael being trans!! As a trans boy it's just rly awesome to see something like that casually thrown into an ask blog without making it a huge weird deal :D immm,,, i kinda really love the idea of michael being trans cause a lot of my trans male friends are actually pretty confident in their skin and michael is a very confident character? and u rarely see that with trans representation and its so refreshing to see it portrayed well. im trying to do that here but again if! i do anything wrong let me know!

how did you first get into art? (also i really love your blog, it's amazing!) ive been drawing as long as i remember! ive got mad adhd and wasnt diagnosed until late in ym life so i would just draw nonstop in my classes ahaha i used to read the sunday comics a lot and they really inspired me to try and make comics of my own too!! (and omg thank u)

someone also asked me if i went to church or was religious but tumblr ate the ask but i used to go to church a lot as a kid but im currently not religious at all aaa

ok holy shit that was a lot but thanks again to everyone i legit cry a lot about how supportive u all are thank u so much aaaa

#modpost #holy fuck that was so much

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comicteaparty · 6 years ago

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January 7th-January 13th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from January 7th, 2019 to January 13th, 2019. The chat focused on MoonSlayer by Monica NGalvan.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START! Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on MoonSlayer by Monica NGalvan~! (http://moonslayercomic.com/) You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PST), so keep checking back for more! You have until January 13th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 3. What is Nirúr’s role in Syrma’s curse? Why is her Syrma’s death so important to Deneb and Nirúr’s goals? Is Nirúr as evil as everyone makes him out to be?

QUESTION 4. What do you think happened in the past that convinced Menkar to join to the side of the liosalfar (besides his past betrayal of his former king)? How might revealing this affect Syrma’s quest?

monicang

Hi everyone! I'm Monica, the author of MoonSlayer. This is just for telling you that you can ask me anything you want to know about my comic! Thanks and I hope you enjoy it!

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. Why is the Storyteller helping Syrma? What exactly are the Storyteller’s ultimate goals regarding Arunor? Do you believe Puck will remain loyal to the Storyteller, or will he now work for Deneb?

QUESTION 6. What do you believe Henna did in the past that caused her to be exiled from the court of the sidhe? What does this have to do with Henna turning into a monster? Also, what deal did Henna make with Puck?

RebelVampire

1) my favorite scene is probably when henna goes to bathe and puck shows up and we start learning that something is wrong with henna. i enjoy the illustration work a lot with how much detailed work is put into henna's appearance. but i also just like the elements added to the story because it really adds this forboding sense that time is running out for everyone really, not just syrma. and i think the addition really helps to add more stakes to the matter, since the more lives in the balance the better? XD 2) this is a tough choice. probably henna. of the designs i like hers the most because its just so strange, mystical, and beautiful at the same time. but also i like how teasing she can get in one scene but then serious and badass in another. all around shes just a really intriguing character to me that i enjoy learning about. 3) I wouldnt label Nirur as "evil" so much as id probably assume hes self-absorbed and concerned only with his well-being. as for his role, i assume some magic shenanigans where somehow syrma's death will help release him. although i feel like not everything is as it seems. like nirur expects his sister to fail and is just trying to get syrma to come to him to trick her into using her inability to be affected by magic to bust him out of god jail. but just spit balling on that one i have no real evidence other then i assume nirur is cunning. 4) i think maybe the liosalfar saved menkar's life. and that menkar may have really just been depressed and had nowhere else to go at the time. i dont think itll reall affect the quest so much as make syrma go "omg hugs for menkar"

5) given the convo the storyteller had with hatal, im gonna assume hes helping syrma out of boredom. cause it seems implied that their world is just kind of stuck and static, never changing and never growing. and i think the storyteller just wants that to change. which i mean to be fair, you cant be a good storyteller when there are no stories to tell. and you cant have good stories without change, growth, and progress. as for puck, yeah i think hes gonna remain loyal to the storyteller. just cause deneb probably wouldnt help him even if he helped her. 6) im gonna just take a stab in the dark here and say maybe forbidden magic comboed with a lack of deference to the crown. although i assume that henna was exiled partly because nobody wants a monster in their lands, so better to get them out before theyre too dangerous to lose. as for the deal, help syrma and get cured? i mean that seems the most likely. and i assume it was a generally vague deal that henna partly regrets cause theres a lot of help needed.

keii4ii

1) This may be a weird choice, but I really liked the scene when Syrma kissed Menkar and ran off. Or rather, that's the scene that made me like her. It's not that I ship them (I'm aro and rarely get excited for shippy stuff). Rather, it made her feel more 3-dimensional to me. There's a lot of scenes portraying her as this perky, reckless warrior-huntress... But there's gotta be more to her than just the fighting and the hunting, right? And that kiss scene did it for me. She was still the same perky, reckless girl, so it wasn't like showing an unexpected hidden side of her. But it still showed that there are mundane moments in her life, too.

6) There is a short story in the Threads anthology that goes over this. I actually read that short story before reading the main comic... It doesn't explain everything, but it explains a lot.

Kabocha

I've only just now started reading this comic, so I'll answer the questions later... But I really like the art so far. It's lovely and incredibly intricate!

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. What do you believe the group will do regarding the last potion ingredient since Henna’s blood is useless? How might Farian and the other sidhe help or hurt the situation?

funakounasoul

I need to do an archive binge of this comic again but I wanna just say that I love this story. Love Syrma and want to see how she achieves her goals. I love the art style. It's clean and professional but it's on a stylistic side that attracts me (I tend to not go for stories, especially fantasies, where the cast looks too realistic). Keep up the amazing work, Monica! :D

Kabocha

1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it? http://moonslayercomic.com/comic/ch5-20/ I loved this sequence -- Syrma getting the Angisu was pretty dang neat to see, especially when she threw the flames at the monsters! 2. Probably Deneb. She's got enough mystery around her, but so far I just like how... IDK, goal-oriented she is? She's interesting so far, and I want to know what she has in mind for Syrma. 3. NO IDEA! I think Deneb probably expects that Syrma will take her place, and that's why she chose her and took her magic -- this was all necessary to get her ready. 4. Menkar was probably going to be king before the other guy was put in place, and things went badly. 5. I can't really say why the storyteller might be helping Syrma, but I do wonder how much of this has to do with fate? Alternatively, Deneb could be totally losing it and degenerating somehow, and he's trying to find a peaceful end for her. ...Granted, nothing involving Syrma ever seems to be peaceful for long. 6. ...Y'know, I'd like to know what Henna did? I imagine her exile is directly related to becoming a monster, and is just a consequence of not being with her people... I do think, based on the cast page, that Henna probably helped Iris become immortal, which pissed off several sidhe.

snuffysam

1. Definitely the sequence where Syrma first uses the Angisu. The flames turning into claws around her hands... beautiful. 2. Syrma. I just love the way you see her grow up throughout the comic. 3. I think Deneb wants to use Syrma to free her brother somehow? I'm not sure how sacrificing Syrma would help with that, however. 4. I agree with Rebel on this one. Menkar was exiled for his betrayal, and the liosalfar took him in. 5. I think it's possible the Storyteller just disagrees with Deneb's actions, and wants to stop her somehow? As for Puck, I think he may pretend to be loyal to Deneb, but I still think he's going to help Syrma overall. 6. Agreed with the other sentiments, I'd also like to posit that maybe Henna doesn't know if she's actually helping Syrma, or if she's a traitor. After all, she threatened to reveal her deal with Puck to Syrma and Menkar, which isn't something you do if you're only being helpful.

Kabocha

Seeing how Puck got in a hell of a lot of trouble, I do wonder if it's just that nobody wants Deneb to know what's goin' on

snuffysam

the whole comic is leading up to a surprise birthday party

Kabocha

Oh no! D'ya think Syrma and Deneb have the same birthday? Maybe Deneb's just trying to prevent Syrma from crashing her party or something.

snuffysam

it's the only reasonable explanation i feel

RebelVampire

QUESTION 8. What insight do you believe the beginning of the comic gives us to the current story? What do you predict given that Syrma was warned about being seduced and is also emphasized to be all alone?

RebelVampire

i want to add to some of the discussion that i kind of think deneb isnt losing it. i think shes already lost it. XD in the sense that shes just being completely used by her brother and just flat out cant see it. is so dedicated to him nothing about morality or anything else registers to her anymore. its all about getting nirur out of prison, even her children be damned. 7) maybe theyre gonna be extremists and kidnap farian. cause that can only go well right? although i forsee them getting majorly delayed, caught, and sent to sidhe court. puck can be their lawyer. 8) the fact shes all alone....gonna be honest. i just assume everyone be dead. henna is a monster, puck got offed by deneb, menkar died fighting the dragon. cause i dont have optimism from that beginning. i feel like the warning about being seduced is gonna cause syrma to maybe sympathize with deneb some. see that she is a victim of nirur's machinations. and then syrma will kill them both cause i mean the title is moonslayer O_O

monicang

I have to admit that I'm amazed with the guessings and theories of all of you. Some of them are quite close to the truth.

Kabocha

Maybe Nirur lost it and that's why he's locked up... and Deneb's susceptible to the same issue as him. And Syrma's... well, Syrma's going to take over for both of them. Regarding question 8 -- I'm honestly worried xD Like, what's Nirur gonna do? Try and tempt her with power and such? Surely he knows she's not really attracted to that... Unless he can promise her all sorts of things like, her family back, a happy life... using illusions. But maybe he'll also just try to win her heart. XD

Monica -- oh my!

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. Do you believe that Syrma and Menkar’s relationship is changing, or is it all just playful teasing? How might the growing tension between them change the direction of Syrma’s quest?

snuffysam

No idea what Syrma's intentions are, but I don't think Menkar's going to take the teasing seriously. like 1) from his point of view, syrma was a baby yesterday, and 2) pretty sure he watched his wife and kid(s) die.

keii4ii

It reminds me of something from a game, when a human character and a dragon character interact. They'd met and fought together as allies in a war 3 years prior. They reunite, the dragon gives the human what he needed, and goes on her way. Human: Wait! Aren't we going to talk and catch up? It's been 3 years! Dragon: What? But we saw each other just 3 years ago!

My guess is Syrma has a crush that she's okay with being unrequited, because she understands there are the differences between them. By the same token, I think she might feel jealous if Menkar were to pursue a relationship with another woman, especially a mortal/non-dragon woman (I don't think this likely, just speaking hypothetically). Not like vehemently jealous, just a "hey I thought... ugh n/m " kinda thing.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 10. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

RebelVampire

9) i do think the relationship is changing. they seem way too blushy and into the flirting for it not to be. but more i think the dynamic thats changing is them both kind of coming to terms with the fact that they may have some feelings for each other, even if they dont know what to do with them. in terms of changing the direction of syrma's question, i assume itll motivate her more. up until menkar probably gets killed cause i ahve no hope for him to live through this quest. 10) i am looking forward to syrma's growth most of all i think. cause shes still got a ways to go before she's ready for any moon slaying. so im interested to see in how the future trials challenge her and prepare her for the task at hand.

keii4ii

I'm looking forward to finding out what the whole deal is with the intro, obviously! Wanna know what everyone's endgame is: Storyteller, Puck, Nirur, Deneb, etc. (I also wonder if the sun is ever gonna be more involved? )

snuffysam

what if everyone's fine having a nice picnic and syrma's just alone because she's the only one who could go through the gate,

RebelVampire

that is also possible. i just dont think itd sit well with the other charas

snuffysam

it's not a happy picnic

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about MoonSlayer this week! Please also give a special thank you to Monica NGalvan for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked MoonSlayer, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: < http://moonslayercomic.com/%3E

Monica’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/monicang

Monica’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/A378XX

Monica’s Store: http://moonslayercomic.com/store/

MoonSlayer’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/MoonSlayerComic

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic bookclub #webcomic book club #comic tea party #ctp #moonslayer #monica ngalvan

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elementalchick1 · 5 years ago

Text

Birds of Prey rewrite

Birds of Prey/ Harley Quinn Fix this story

My disclaimer: I ma more a Birds of Prey than Harley Quinn fan, though I love her in the cartoons and Suicide Squad. However, this movie was not good. Basically the story needs to be an empowering, funny, sexy, chick flick and it fails miserably. First, the costumes must be wonderful, not the trash bag thrift store panic shopping of the movie.

Synopsis: Harley and the Joker break up. Not sure what happened because it does not matter, but it happened when she was in prison. Harley does a drunken melt down, similar to the movie, but the soundtrack is “bang” by AJR. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4THFRpw68oQ During this Harley realizes that she has no friends. They are all Jokers crowd, and the ones who are still friendly think they are getting back together. They are also all gangster groupies. One can even quip “girls just wanna have fun”. This is different from the movie because she thought she had friends, not just Joker. Harley is doing what she calls couch surfing, which means breaking into rich people’s second homes while they are out and eating their food and raiding their closets. Harley is arrested and Amanda Waller tells her that she is on indefinite probation if she can show she is rehabilitated. Basically the suicide squad can only be from activated criminals who have potential to be rehabilitated instead of the worst. “I want you on a chain, but they want you lobotomized or put down like a rabid dog. Your choice. Is this you or is this him?” She chooses mandated rehab. “Which one?” “I don’t care. You are the psychiatrist. DO them all” New Rules: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2qgadSvNyU

SO we have the joy of Harley quin going through 12 step (and other) programs. Shot of a board at a Y/center with the Support Groups schedule. She takes the whole thing. Comedy montage of Bikram yoga mindfulness class, breaking the finger of a guy that gropes her, “SO sex addicts group was a mistake” etc. Visual quote of Fight Club support scenes. In “co-dependents no more” she meets Canary/Dinah, who she had seen around. Canary is assigned as her sponsor. Part of the fun is we are not sure who Canary means when she describes “Men in power are addictive. The surrender of control, the reduction to Id, seems like a type of freedom. But it is a cage. You are on their leash.” Ras-al Ghul or Arrow? (Hint underlying message- all of the birds in the movie destroy their cages- or make new ones) HQ:“You know the 12 step programs don’t work if you are an atheist.” Canary: “You know that placebos work even if you know it’s a placebo?” Therapy montage song options: I Love me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vImvzQCb0o8&list=PL3oW2tjiIxvTKa5OYCIb8TdKjxSYuv5dg&index=23

I drive me mad: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqBvK14JPGg&list=PL3oW2tjiIxvTKa5OYCIb8TdKjxSYuv5dg&index=36

In the different groups, she meets many people including Cassidy Cain in Klepto Anonymous. Harley co-opts and ends up leading several of the sessions. (I am OK with the casting of Canary but would like Camila Cabello. Though she could be Huntress.) Cassidy is a very different character from the movie. She is still 13, but smarter, and always on a phone. Running joke, it is a different phone in every scene. She is an epic pickpocket, appearing to be a clueless teen who bumps into people because she talks and texts and selfies all at once while actually picking people’s pockets and photographing security. She also gleans information and is the source of information on why people hate Harley. “Wow. You should see his Instagram. He should be banned for those images. Just a sec. Done.” She is the definition of plucky comic relief. Casting should actually cast a minor. (Marsai Martin, Mckenna Grace, Brooklynn Prince.)

The Bertinelli Diamond is a nice plot device, bringing in Huntress who is tracking it as well as the gangsters who killed her family. (BTW this needs to be recast with someone who has a charisma and can at least dance. Madison Beer, Nicole Maines, Hailee Steinfeld, etc. Huntress wears motorcycle leathers, a very Asian gang vs American biker look) HQ: “OOo! Italian leather!” The Huntress backstory is necessary but cut the bit about young Helena drawing with crayons. If she draws, it should be recognizable. She’s had art lessons since 2.

Harley sees Cassidy Cain on the street steal from a known gangster. The chase begins. We can keep the glitter cannon/ prop room brawl, but it should be a gangster hideout not the police station, (unless she can get out of it another time and have a joke where Canary coughs “white privilege”) However, to preserve a better story arc, let’s move this to a gangster vault, and have this be where we meet the Huntress. Here is where we realize that Harley loves to hit things, but hates to shoot things. Huntress is fine shooting things. “Do you have to kill everybody?” “Do you have to blow up every crime scene?” “yes” Bad Guy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyDfgMOUjCI

SO Harley has Cassidy and Huntress hanging around. Huntress wants to use Cassidy as bait while they wait for the diamond to drop. Funny bit as Huntress gets sucked into group, probably an anger management group. “I always wanted to be a teacher” Harley wants to finish her program and needs to check in with her sponsor. She is on step 8/9.

Canary: “DID you make your list” HQ: “ I think so.” Drops a ream of paper. “I have to apologize to everyone?” “It’s a start. And I know someone you could start with. It might be easier than the rest because she was hurt when you were in jail” HQ”????” Canary “Practice” Barbara Gordon is never referred to using her whole name. (casting: Liana Liberato, Kennedy McMann) The cop in the movie is completely unnecessary. Either have Oracle, “B” be in the movie or cast someone like Rosario Dawson to be a kick ass Hispanic cop and have her stuck in vice and always asked to work for ICE. Since Gotham city embodies the worst of our current world skewed through a dark lens of madness, having the women in the movie own that “the women in Gotham are the ones who have to clean up and deal with the shit and the fallout of all the crazies.”-B. “That ain’t me”-HQ. “You act like the only options are to be the ass who trashes the place or the maid. (I’m going to) Find something else”-Cassidy. The rest of the film is Bs first real run as Oracle, remotely feeding them information, using drones, shutting down the bad guys tech. “There’s more than one way to fight.”

At the climax, which does have a giant brawl of gangster thugs after the team, but all of the team, each having a dose of enemies. It begins with a girl power makeover scene as they are arming. Cassidy:“We should RUN!” Huntress: “I have been running and hunting my whole life. I want this over” Huntress gets carbon fiber outfit from B “Moves better than leather and is knife and bullet resistant, but not proof” Harley gives Canary the fishnets. “Just try them. You need some fun.” The girls make Harley stop with the white face. “Keep the Harlequin Loose the clown. “ Cassidy has a CIA briefcase she stole from the gangster prop room HQ: “Where’s ya get that?” Cassidy:” Stole it from the gangsters but can’t open it” B:”Here let me” It is adaptive camouflage stealth tech armor. Cassidy: ”Yay! You can’t hit what you can’t see” HQ and Huntress: ”That’s what grenades are for” HQ: “Jinx!” B: “No grenades!” HQ:”we know. No Grenades! (softer)… inside”

Makeover song montage options: My way: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5I4KwxMXAA

All the good girls go to hell: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PZsSWwc9xA

Nice to meet ya: (also might work for the group therapy montage)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRvKL8FnrtU&list=PL3oW2tjiIxvTKa5OYCIb8TdKjxSYuv5dg&index=42

The massive gangster fight proceeds. The movie does OK with this except for the dubious production design, and the lack of using Huntress well. And that all of the gangsters are completely incompetent. Note on the bad guys: We do not need a named bad guy. The “Black mask” was lame and sucked screen time. It can just be gangs, at least one run by the gangster(s) Huntress needs to kill. But just mafia, not stupid mask nonsense. As part of the makeover montage, they make a plan and set up a kill zone. B: Looking at Cassidy:”cough- Capture zone” Cassidy (on phone) “Please, what am I 12? Gotham only has kill zones.” B: “maybe we can change that” HQ: “Not tonight we can’t. Baby steps” Huntress snipes the ones with automatic guns that enter the building. Casandra fights and hides. Dropping stuff from vents, etc. When the dust settles, Joker appears: “DO I have to do everything myself?” He tries to talk Harley into coming back, She freezes, then realizes he is just distracting her so he can grab Cassidy. It works. She chooses her new life and goes to get Cassidy. She defeats him and kicks him off of the pier, possibly while analyzing him. “You were a horrible boyfriend!”

At the end, Birds of Prey is formed, with the good costumes. HQ:“I drop by every now and then, but I need to work on me. Cassidy stays with B, but we see each other all of the time” “Do I have to stay with you? You’re no fun” B: “I’m the only one who can pass a background check”

HQ; “I got an apartment. I had to get a roommate but I think it will work out.” There is a shot of the Help board at the Y/center with the “roommates” section and she grabs one of every tab numbers including one that says “Ivy” (Cameo of Evan Rachel wood or one of the CW redheads asking “Do you like plants?”) (This can occur earlier if we need a comic break)

“And I got a job. Turns out in Gotham, group leaders can have an expired license.” Shot of Harley sitting in a bright spotlight with a notepad in a shadowed room full of figures in chairs with a highlight on a cape, an animal ear, etc. “Who wants to go first?”

Playlist:

My Oh My: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fd2kkLmSDQ&list=PL3oW2tjiIxvTKa5OYCIb8TdKjxSYuv5dg&index=18

The man: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqAJLh9wuZ0&list=PL3oW2tjiIxvTKa5OYCIb8TdKjxSYuv5dg&index=27

Good in goodbye: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQZJsOSw1pU&list=PL3oW2tjiIxvTKa5OYCIb8TdKjxSYuv5dg&index=45

Bang bang: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HDdjwpPM3Y

New Rules: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2qgadSvNyU

Burn the house down: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnyLfqpyi94

Good as hell: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmbmeOgWsqE

Beach bunny Prom Queen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dc6SSu5pnHw

Bored: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsPxaAVg584

Kings and queens: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jH1RNk8954Q

Sweet but a psycho: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXBHCQYxwr0

All the good girls go to hell: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PZsSWwc9xA

Insane like me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeltAGwwsDQ

#harley quinn #birds of prey

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trendingnewsb · 7 years ago

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Artie Lange Is Not Ready to Die: F*ck Em All

Its hard being friends with the notoriously demon-plagued comedian Artie Langewhich, full disclosure, I am. This is in no way objective. I truly want the guy to live.

I first interviewed Lange in 2006 as part of the New York Posts coverage of the annual New York Comedy Festival. He had just sold out Carnegie Hall in a few hours and was on top of the world. Over the next few years, we met at comedy clubs from time to time. I mentioned how healthy he looked in a May 2009 Page Six item about his visiting Colin Quinns one-man show (which he mentioned in his book Crash and Burn). When I interviewed him again on Oct. 30, 2009, it was a longer talk this time, with a few insights that surprised me. He talked about the game comics play of initially sabotaging a set with the audience, then seeing if you can dig yourself out of that hole. I asked if he had ever thought that he might be playing the same game with his own life. You should be a shrink, he said.

Sixty-nine days later, I heard the news, like anyone else who follows Lange: that he was near death after stabbing himself in the stomach nine times with a 13-inch kitchen knife.

Then on Sept. 27, 2010, I got a call from comedian Dan Naturman, who told me all about Arties triumphant return at the Comedy Cellar, which led to an incredibly feel-good lead item in Page Six called: Artie Lange Thrills Audiences Again.

I interviewed him several more times over the years, and when my husband Pat Dixon, who is also a comedian, started his own show in 2015 at Compound Media, run by controversial radio legend Anthony Cumia, I told Artie that he ought to consider joining the network. To my surpriseand unrelated to me telling him that, as the pairing of two Sirius refugees is a no-brainer for anyone who follows shock-jock radioin August 2017, he started a new show with Cumia called The AA Show. Now, not only did Lange have a regular broadcasting outlet, but the HBO series Judd Apatow and Pete Holmes enlisted him in called Crashing, where he played himself, was a bona fide hit. His third book, Wanna Bet?, was inked, his standup was doing well, and so if you were doing any kind of predictive sequence, what happened next was no surprise.

Oct. 16, 2017: Artie Lange rushed to hospital, cancels weekend show. Dec. 13, 2017: Artie Lange Arrested After Missing Court Date for Drug Charges. Dec. 15, 2017: Artie Lange Headed to Rehab on Private Jet After Drug Charge.

Less than a month later, on Jan. 12, Lange returned home to New York and tweeted out to his 364,000 followers: Im back guys. Clean & Sober 32 days.

On Jan. 18, after celebrating Dave Attells birthday (Artie just turned 50 himself), Lange met me in between sets at New York Citys Olive Tree Cafe. To avoid the requests for photos from fans and occasional paparazzi, we sat in his SUV and drove around the city for an hour and a half before returning to the comedy club. With one hand on the steering wheel and one on an unlit Marlboro Red, Lange talked about everything from Harvey Weinstein to Donald Trump to Louis C.K. to Aziz Ansari to the fundamental question at hand:

Artie Lange doesnt want to die… right?

The following interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.

Mandy: So I guess Im wondering at what point all of this is enough to get you to stop. Like, for instance, I have a friend who if he did cocaine one more time, the doctors told him his nose would collapse

Artie: Well half of my nose is gone. My nose has no septum. I mean Ive been snorting coke and heroin

Mandy: When was the last time you did coke or heroin?

Artie: Well I just pissed clean at Hazelden so thats 38 days. But heres the thing: 31 of them were in lockdown. So nows the real work. And Im not going to lie to you, its a struggle lying there every night.

Mandy: Whats the longest youve ever been clean?

Artie: Since I was 15, 11 months. And two weeks in my twenties.

Mandy: Do you take, what is it, methadone?

Artie: No, no. I was on methadone years ago. There was a methadone clinic on Eighth and 35th, and I would go there before Howard. They would give it out to me, like special, at 5:30 a.m. I had to stop doing heroin because I was losing my job. They gave me the methadone. Its fucking heroin, basically. I left during interviews to throw up. And I said, Well this is worse than fucking heroin, so why dont I stay on that. I take Suboxone now. Suboxone works well for me, and its accepted by society. It looks like a pill you take for blood pressure every morning, so thats how Ive got to look at it. It lets you not go cold turkey.

Aziz Im sorry is a better name. I dont have any respect for Aziz Ansari. Im glad nobody got raped.

Artie Lange

Mandy: You detoxed cold turkey in jail this last time?

Artie: Ive been in jail like eight times, and this past time, I detoxed. I kicked heroin, like lying on the floor. When I got arraigned, you always want to be very respectful in front of the judge. She was like, What are you doing? And Im thinking to myself, Well, your honor, Im dead. And you know, Im trying to stand up. Withdrawal, the physical stuff, people would see the first or the second day of withdrawals, girlfriends would say, Well, that was really bad. And Im like, You saw the opening act. That was The Clash. That was David Johansen. The Who is about to take the stage. The third or fourth day of heroin withdrawal, if youre a big user like I became, if youre not physically stopped from getting dope, youll get it. With heroin, I became an addict on the road. I always had money. Ive never had to steal. I dont judge those people. Like people say to me, Have you ever blown a guy for heroin? I say, No. But then again, no ones ever asked.

Mandy: If you do fall off the wagon again, are you scared of fentanyl at all?

Artie: No. A real heroin addict is not scared of fentanyl. Id do it in a heartbeat. I want strong shit.

Mandy: Have you seen the tiny amount it takes to kill you?

Artie: I dont know what it is, but draw it back one inch. I would accept fentanyl in a heartbeat. I had a fentanyl patch on in a mental home. It was unbelievable. Ive never ODed. Ive had dealers say, Jesus Christ. What the fuck. But the nose is bad now. I could get a brain infection. If I did it, anything would go right to the brain. But again, I heard that six months ago, and I went and used an hour after.

Mandy: So I mean… you must want to die.

Artie: No, I dont want to die. I want to be high.

Mandy: But that will eventually kill you.

Artie: Im 50. If you would have told me in 1995, if you tried to bring up 2018, it would be like The Jetsons. Id be like, What are you talking about?

Mandy: So youre having fun on borrowed time.

Artie: Im playing with the houses money. As far as Im concerned, Im an overachiever. A lot of money changed hands on the internet when I turned 50. I was so happy. Fuck em all.

Mandy: But I mean… your mom and your sister. Theyre the main people who keep you from wanting to to be reckless with the houses money, right?

Artie: Yes thats the… thats the worst.

Mandy: I called your mom when you were practically in a coma these last few weeks, and her voice was just so heartbroken. I dont think she thought you were going to make it.

Artie: Yeah, you know, my father left us with nothing. I love my dad. He was my best friend. But my father was a criminal. My dad was an impulsive guy, and thats what killed him. Just like my father, with me, there are real high highs and real low lows. Like my mother saw me at Carnegie Hall, when my book went to No. 1 on The New York Times bestseller list, and I think [Barack] Obamas was like No. 7. She has that framed. But then shes also seen me withdrawing in jail.

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Mandy: Your mom discovered you when you tried to kill yourself in 2010, right?

Artie: That was not a suicide attempt. I was in such bad withdrawals. Believe me, I leave a note. The one other time, I left a note. But shrinks go, Youve never tried to kill yourself. Because there was always a mountain of drugs involved. I was in such bad withdrawals, I wanted to feel something different. I was by myself. I wanted to lose enough blood to pass out. When I woke up, I dont know, I figured Id put on a red shirt and go out. I didnt know my mother was coming over. They had an intervention planned that I didnt even know about. I go, Ma, you never planned a surprise party.

Mandy: Does your mom talk to you every day?

Artie: Yeah, my mother knows me better than anybody, but I dont tell her when I slip. You know, when Dr. Drew offered me 250 grand to do Celebrity Rehab, I thought to myself, Do I just want to kill my mother now? Like its going to be me and Dennis Rodman throwing up in the same bucket. I love Dr. Drew, but I knew that show was going to go off the air because the recovery rate is like zero. If Pablo Escobar were alive today, hed be running a rehab. Its such a corrupt industry.

Mandy: You seem to still get offered drugs a lot. I think about that scene in Crashing where its the super hot woman from Showgirls who has coke and wants to do it with you.

Artie: Gina Gershon? Yeah, you know, that episode is based on one of my stories. And if the woman who inspired the episode figures it out, shed be very happy with the casting.

Mandy: Do you think it was a good idea to leave rehab early?

Artie: I have to do this intense outpatient thing which is five days a week. I go in there in the morning, and I get piss tests there. Screen Actors Guild doesnt let you do that to people. Like its almost an NFL union. You cant pee-test people. Not that Im complaining about it, but I dont get fired from shows because ultimately its a forgiving business for stuff like that. People always say its a forgiving business. And, its true. Robert Downey Jr. came back, and hes like the best actor ever. But for every one of him, theres like two thousand Jeff Conaways from Taxi living at a right angle and nobody cares and they die alone.

Mandy: Youre just working so much right now.

Artie: The one genre where I have some juice is the radio business, and you know Anthony Cumia, I love Anthony so much now. I never really met him before. Were both sort of outlaws. Without this podcasting technology you know we both would be out of a job now, probably. Its such a weird existence I have right now. Over on one side, Im doing this crazy podcast with Anthony on Compound Media that I love, and then Im on Crashing which is an HBO-produced show I love, but which could not be more the other way. Judd Apatow is another famous guy who saved my life. Like, what a great person. Ive got books and stand-up, and Im still making a lot of money doing it. If thats not going to go away, theres not much of an incentive to stay in rehab.

Mandy: And Im guessing, from what you said, you dont want to leave your mom with nothing. So what about a gig like the one with Anthony Cumia. Is that enabling or is that helping you stay clean?

Artie: Let me tell you something: I love doing it. Its almost like therapy. A lot of people dont understand a comics mind. People are like, Youre going to jump right into stand-up? Yeah, thats what I have to do. I cant stop doing it. And Anthonys show is like from 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. Its the most fun Ive ever had in my life. Even more fun than Howard. Because I was never uncensored on Howard. Its his show. Its Howard. So what was happening near the end when his life changed, he would meet somebody in the Hamptons, and we wouldnt know about it. Like me and Fred [Norris, the longest tenured Howard Stern staff member] wouldnt know about it. And then hed be friends with them, like somebody we bashed for 10 years. So Id say something about Richard Gere, and hed go, You got a problem with him? Id go, Havent we always had a problem with him? No, I had dinner with him. Well, can I get the memo? I dont give a shit. Ill put him on the fucking list. But I wouldnt not be able to make fun of Orlando Bloom. The show, I couldnt be on now. And he knew that.

Mandy: Anthony probably does a better Howard impression than Howard at this point.

Artie: Well the thing about Anthony is that hes the same guy off-air. But its not true for Howard. Howards a very fascinating guy. He must have an IQ north of 180. But the example I always use is that Hunter S. Thompson was a guy who destroyed like the wealthy and corporate America, and he walked the walk until the end of his life. He was a crazy maniac in Colorado and shot himself in the head. And Howard was like that for a while. He was making fun of all these people, and when he got a chancelike no one else has become an A-list person through the radiobut when he got a chance to be with those people, fans thought hes going to be like Hunter S. Thompson. Like you see them through the window eating, and hes going to bust through the window or moon them or something. And when he got the chance, like Jennifer Anistons wedding, he starts making out with Orlando Bloom.

Mandy: Metaphorically.

Artie: Right. And to me as a fan, its like, what the fuck have we been laughing at all this time? Me and my first girlfriend at the time Dana [Sironi], she was close with Beth [Ostrosky Stern]. And Beth is a sweetheart. I dont want to make it sound like Im bitter. I still love Howard.

Mandy: Who are the people from the Stern show you keep in touch with?

Artie: Well, theyre not allowed to call me. I swear to God, Ive had people tell me from the show they were worried they were talking to me. Look, Im a person whos impulsive, and I get very angry and I say things I shouldnt say. Its hurt me my whole life, and Im a junkie.

Mandy: You tweeted a few days ago, Look out Marci. Im talking to Howard without your permission, referring to his high-profile handler Marci Turk. Did you actually talk to Howard Stern?

Artie: No, I dont talk to Howard. We hate each others guts. He cant stand me for some reason, and Ive learned to hate him.

Mandy: Whats your reaction to Louis C.K.? And now everyones talking about the story that was written about Aziz Ansari.

Artie: Aziz Im sorry is a better name. I dont have any respect for Aziz Ansari. Im glad nobody got raped. But you know, I agree with Samantha Bee when she says it doesnt have to be rape to ruin somebodys life. Thats true. And what Louis did is despicable. That was a rumor for a long time. But if youre a couple of women at the Aspen Comedy Festival, youve got a lot going on, probably. And theres this comedian, who back then he wasnt famous, but hes always been respected, and they certainly knew him. And hes promising them shit supposedly, and its just because he wants to jerk off in front of them. Its just the creepiest thing ever. Louis was always overrated to me. He has like five jokes hes written that I like. But you know Ill go along with it, if it gets me spots. I just think hes overrated. To me, it was like the emperors new clothes came off. In the hotel room.

Mandy: Have you had any women approach you with any kind of Me Too moment, something they wanted to confront you about?

Artie: A girl? No. I mean, some people think Im a misogynist because of stuff on the Stern show. You know Ive never told anybody this, but this is how my family feels about sex predators: After I told my father about a high-school teacher hurting a girl I knew, the way my dad dealt with it was by waiting outside the teachers house, putting a bag over the guys head, and leaving him in a car for two days. My dad came back, disguised his voice, and he said, Stop fucking touching little girls. Im not condoning how he handled it, but thats just the truth. My father thought that was justified. You know, there are people who think Goodfellas is horrible. We think its a comedy. My momshe is the strongest woman in my lifeand she and my sister are my heroes. Any woman whos ever dated me will tell you, Im like, Are you sure? Can we get this in writing and an email from you? I think in Hollywood, its a case of these nerdy guys who dont know what to do with a woman, and they get a chance to do it, and they do something inappropriate. Like Ive never been a Casanova but Ive always been able to get a date. I think the more time you stay asexual in your adult life, you get creepier.

Mandy: Ive had several comics over the years tell me about their personal dislike for Aziz based on his standoffish behavior. Do you think theres any schadenfreude right now as he is coming under fire?

Artie: Im probably one of those guys. I thought he could follow me on Bitter. I dont like bashing of comedians in general. I hated the Dane Cook-bashing thing. And Dane goes on to make all that money, and that bitterness comes out. Then his brother steals millions of dollars from him. I wish Dane well. And you know, I think Aziz gets a lot of that bitterness, too. You know, his timing is perfect for comedy. But what he does at the Comedy Cellar is not going to endear him to anybody. What he does there, he sits in the corner like a young Dylan writing jokes, and he can do that at home. We get it. Youre a hard worker. But I guess were going to have to get over that, because a new generation of people is coming.

I think he was trying to figure out a way to get rid of me. I did the job for him, but I dont think he was rooting for it.

Artie Lange on Howard Stern

Mandy: Do you think that Crashing captures the changing culture in comedy at all?

Artie: Judd is so great at what he does, and so is Pete [Holmes]. The way Judd lets you improvise, and the money… see Ive never been involved in something that you might call a hit. Except the Stern show, but that was very different. Judd is so successful. The money HBO is spending. They shot it like a playyou dont have to do over-the-shoulder stuff. And the way that I talk and work, it was way better for me. Judd knew that. Like the scene in the pizzeria, Judd read my book, which was flattering, and he said, Just tell me stories about your life, about what can happen off-stage, so like the ghost of Christmas future. Comedy future. I think its great, because Judd lets us talk.

Mandy: I was relistening today to your very first Howard Stern appearance. And Stern is joking, saying, You need coke. Youre a lot better on it. He also says, Go out and get into more trouble, and well have you back on.

Artie: I know. But you cant blame anyone else for any of this. Howards genius is seeing which way the wind is blowing in society and acting accordingly. I think he noticed after the Janet Jackson thing, we started getting fined for stupid shit. Were getting $500,000 fines for jokes Im making about farting. The guy is a genius at marketing and comedymore so in marketing. I think he saw over time the way the show was going, and that it would not be conducive to have me on it. But he also knew that I was popular. I think he was trying to figure out a way to get rid of me. I did the job for him, but I dont think he was rooting for it. I think he conquered that era of radio with me. I wouldnt fit in now at all. I cant stand Gwyneth Paltrow. The contrast between the old shows is crazy. Like if you listen to shows we did of us talking about Jennifer Aniston or Ellen DeGeneres dancing in the 2000s. He said Aniston was a cunt. Even I was like, Jesus, it must be personal. Now he goes to her wedding.

Mandy: So whats going on with your health? The diabetes has gotten really bad? Have you had to amputate anything?

Artie: God no. The rumors have gotten really bad, havent they? No, the diabetes is under control every time I go to the hospital. But the thing is, its a confusing disease. One day a Twinkie could save your life, and another day it could kill you. Im not a good preparer so thats why I was bad in school. I was like, Lets get the fuck out of here and get to life. Which comedy lets you do. But yeah, with diabetes, youre supposed to measure your blood sugar every time before you eat. Im like, What the fuck, are you kidding me? Im going to take my blood sugar in the parking lot of McDonalds? Its bad, but when I go to the hospital they get me under control. So now its under control. Its fine, actually. But you know, give me two months out of the hospital and my blood sugar is higher than my credit score. Thats the signifier of a loser. They also put me on the liver list. I needed a new liver. But I went to a medical clinic someone recommended, and they gave me this special shit they put in the saline, it cost like $80,000, and my liver enzymes were like 900, which is like Mickey Mantle at the end of his life. And it went to normal, completely normal. My kidneys, my liver are all fine. The doctor said, Youve got the bloodwork, despite the diabetes, of an Olympic athlete.

Mandy: Have you thought about going down to Hippocrates Health Institute, where a lot of entertainment industry people have gone?

Artie: I did that once. Yeah, my sister found out about it. You need a prescription for an apple. I ran away from that in 2008. Howard said, go away for as long as you need to. Eight days in with these two other guys who were Stern fans who would have done anything for me, we just escaped in the one guys car. I got a $3,500 room at the Setai in South Beach, and I got a hooker and a bunch of pancakes. And I called into the show and said I have whiskey and pancakes with this Ecuadorian hooker, and he put me on the air. So I left early from that, and I was out of control. And Howard didnt think I was going to die or anything. You know, Chris Rock came in once and said, Howard, I think youve got to fire Artie. I love him. But he needs consequences.

Mandy: I guess my take is, from observing you from afar, youve said, Im clean so many times, and that youre always somebody who is going to use.

Artie: People think that I want to be someone who uses. I dont. I mean, I remember in Little League when I didnt use anything, I was very happy. When I am emphatic about it, in my personal life, I dont lie to friends of mine. But I can think of a lot of reasons why you dont tell your boss youre doing heroin, and why I lied to Howard Stern. Theres also a misconception I hate that Howard didnt care about me. He tried to get me help. Several times he said to me, Take as long as you want, and when you come back you have a job.

Mandy: So do you think some of the drug abuse comes from massive, massive self-hatred? That was the case for me, I know, and many addicts.

Artie: Thats interesting. Listen, Bernie Brillstein was talking to Norm Macdonald and me once. Hes the legendary manager who managed [John] Belushi, and he managed Chris Farley. And he supposedly said to Belushi and Farleyits funny he had guilt that he said this to Belushi, and 20 years later he said it again to mehe said, Well, whatd you get into show business for? Not to fuck hookers and do drugs? I was brought up on Sam Kinison and Richard Pryor. With Richard Pryor, I wanted to do almost everything he did, short of burning himself. And thats a terrible thing to think, but I got the opportunity, and I made every mistake you could make. I was like, Why not? The first time we went to Las Vegas with Howard, I fucked 11 strippers in four days. We were like the Rolling Stones going in there. Two years on MadTV aint exactly the Rolling Stones. The stuff Ive done with Norm Im so proud of because it was Norm, but it was never like a big hit. Like Dirty Work has become a little bit of a cult thing, which Im proud of. But with the Stern show, this was like rock-star shit. We flew into Vegas on a private jet, and theres a line around the block, and its all for us. Howard is married. Fred is married. Everyones married, and then theres me. The strippers going down her list, and she says, I guess Ill fuck him.

Mandy: Do you still talk to Norm Macdonald?

Artie: We communicate with text, like everybody else. He put a very nice thing in his book about me. He called me the last time, and he said, you gotta stop doing this. He was worried about me. I love Norm. Norm saved my whole career. Out of nowhere. I was about to start driving a cab again. I got the call for Dirty Work, and that led to everything else. Norm. Howard. Quincy Jones, who gave me MadTV. And Judd now. These are famous guys. [Bruce] Springsteen called me. And Apatow said to me, he said, You must be a really bad addict going back to this shit after all these people, your heroes, saved you. Hes right. I mean, Quincy Jones saved my fucking life. He also got me these insane privileges in L.A. County. Like my own shower. And I asked Quincy, How do you have so much sway in prison? He said, I made Thriller.

Mandy: So why do you go back to the drugs after you get clean each time? Is it the boredom?

Artie: Its the anger. Ill give you an example. Its a story I kind of keep on the down-low, but there was this girl that I dated in San Diego. She worked at an agency as an assistant. She was 23. I was 28, and I was on MadTV. And she was pregnantshe got pregnant, found out it was a boy. I was all excited, and she was scared to death because of how I had been living. Me at that age makes this look like Mr. Rogers. So the first place we made out was Zuma Beach, and she said, Lets go to that place. I want to tell you something. Shes crying, and she says, I had an abortion. I was mad, and I said, Why? And she said, You know, Artie, youre going to make your mark in this business, but I hope you do it before you die. And I cant deal with that.

Mandy: So anger is often the cause of relapses for you? Anger at the world?

Artie: It is a strange world. Its like rereading the Unabomber Manifesto its kind of like, I get it now. I dont agree with how he went about it, but he was clearly on the money about technology. Or look at the movie Network. That one scene, he lays everything out about what is to come.

Mandy: When do you find out if youre going to jail?

Artie: Feb. 23. You know, if they want to send me away for being a junkie, thats fine. The judge was very fair. Very smart. I dont know if she was a big fan of mine, but thats all right.

Mandy: When do you think you were happiest in your life?

Artie: You know, its funny. When I was broke, when I left the port as a longshoreman, and I decided to drive into New York City one night, I was 19 years old. When I started doing well, I was driving a cab, I was broke, trying to help my mother out. We were about to lose the house. And I told her I could go back to the port. She said I could keep doing it. But you know, I was happier during the struggle because of hope. I was 23, broke, driving a cab, parking a cab in front of The Comic Strip, which was the first place I passed. I would have [Joe] Matarese or [Dave] Attell watch the car. I was happier then, I swear to God.

Mandy: Hollywood can be fairly crushing. So many transactional relationships and people who dont care if you live or die and want to use you.

Artie: At the Stern show, I saw how toxic that entire environment was. You have some people who are without talent who just leached onto Howard. Talentless guys whose entire life is based on pleasing that one person. I saw people who werent comedians who thought they could sit in that chair and do what I did. When I went down with the heroin thing, they were clearly making statements about it. Like if I died, they would have been almost happy about it, I guarantee it. I saw the sharks swimming like Ive never seen before. I thought I knew a lot about people in a non-naive way coming into that job, but man, the way people wanted what I did for a living. What pissed me off is that they thought they could do it. And you know, theres a reason that chair stayed empty. Im done being humble with some things. That chair isnt empty completely because Howard felt like it; that chair is empty because he knows no one can do what I did. There are people who are funnier than me, but theres no one who would have been as honest, and no one who knows that show better. I left a lot of blood on that fucking floor, man. I told stories that cost me relationships with some people, and I didnt realize it. I almost got arrested. The DEA came to the fucking show because of something I said on the air, in their fucking windbreakers, to grill me about Heath Ledger because they thought we had the same heroin dealer. Im like, Why the fuck do you think that? I guess theres reasons they could. There was a security guy who worked the door, and he saw the whole thing, and he said, Artie, you are one entertaining fuckup.

Mandy: What do you think of Donald Trump, who used to do the Howard Stern Show quite a bit?

Artie: I love Trump. Ive had like four times when I interacted with him. I roasted him. Trump said I was the best of the night, but then Howard is so smart, he told me to tell the joke that was making fun of him in business. I do, and then Trump goes, Artie was the worst of the roast. He bombed. I had a CNN guy call me about it, and I said, Im not doing it. Because Im fucking rooting for him. And I golfed with him and Eli Manning once at his club. I did nothing but laugh along with him. Then I saw him at Howards wedding. Howard had bought out Le Cirque. But it was still small. I had played Carnegie Hall at this point, but it was so nerve-wracking. Billy Joel and his wife were there, two feet from me. Howard. Trump and Melania. Barbara Walters, Joan Rivers, Chevy Chase. It was a tough room, you know. And I killed. The first joke was how much Beth looks like Christie Brinkley, so I made a Billy Joel joke. And thank God he laughed at it. But Howard was drunk, and doing that great Howard laugh. I loved making Howard laugh. But Trump came up to me afterward, because other people spoke and kind of bombed, and he shook my hand, and he said, That was a very hard thing to do, and you were amazing. He respected that even though I look like a slob he could tell I worked hard. Because, yeah, you think I walked into Stern because I won a lottery? So I always respected the guy.

Whether youre for him or not, what he represents is that this country can vote out politicians and elect a game show host because theyre pissed off about stuff. You know, there are two guys on that Billy Bush tape. One guy apologized. The other guy didnt. One guys working at a gift shop in Kennebunkport. The other guys president. The fucking country likes alpha males. The Midwest does, I know that. And the stuff with the Mexicans. He didnt say he hates all Mexicans. He told the truth about the drug problem. How do you think I get dope? Trump just doesnt give a shit. You know, Louis C.K. wrote an op-ed piece, while he was, jerking off next to women, calling Trump Hitler? And its like, Calm the fuck down. It washes down what Hitler did. A guy who let the Mob take away garbage because you have to? The naivete of these people. If you build a building in New York, you have to deal with the Mob. Trump knows that. Ted Cruz lost so many votes during the primaries when he attacked him on that.

Mandy: What do you think of the porn star Stormy Daniels and Trump? I guess he asked her to spank him with a copy of Forbes.

Artie: Well, I think Ive done worse. Comparing him to Harvey Weinstein? Thats a fetish. Listen, if Trump has raped someone, of course I hate his guts.

Mandy: So for you, what has the reaction been to your latest near-death experience? From everything that Ive read on Twitter and Reddit and YouTube, I feel like half the fans are saying, I dont want to watch him kill himself anymore, and like, Ive stopped believing him.

Artie: The fact that I havent got it yet is hard to understand. I think theyre disappointed in me. It was an easier sell at 30 than it was at 50.

Mandy: Whats the best sobriety advice youve received, do you think?

Artie: To not make my Higher Power my career or another human being because it can disappoint you.

Mandy: Do you believe in God? Do you pray?

Artie: You know, Ill give you something Ive never told anybody. So my father was obsessed with Houdini the magician, and Houdini was obsessed with the occult. Houdini always tried to contact the other side, like dead relatives. So Houdini said, If I die, lets have a word. If the psychic tells you the word, you know, we talk. So my father said, when he was lying in bed, he had the plan to kill himself, but I didnt know that. He said, Lets do that. I go, OK. His father, who I never knew, died when he was 11. He got shot in front of him. His father worked at a factory. The Otis Elevator Company in Newark. It was a bookie, I guess. But he said, Lets make it Otis.

So Im in rehab this latest time, several weeks ago. And Im in the van, which the hilarious security guards call The Druggie Buggie. Or The Loser Cruiser, thats what they call it in jail. So Ive just come out of the shit, with the withdrawal part, and I looked better, I guess. It was a beautiful day. Where I went in Connecticut, it was like a Christmas card, it was unbelievably beautiful. And I said, I feel better this time. I felt really good. The sky was clear. I was with people I like, and they both said out of nowhere, I think youre going to make it this time. And I said, I guess I gotta think like that. And I stretched over, and there was a car that said Otis on it. The elevator at the rehab that never broke, they said, when I told them the story, the Otis Elevator Company was repairing the elevator. Listen, I dont believe in any of that shit, but that is the most spiritual thing thats ever happened to me. I tell my mother that, and clearly shes religious, and she goes, Dads talking to you. Im telling you, that was fucking freaky. So you know, just at that moment, when I had hope and I looked up and it was a clear sky and it says Otis, I was just like, Jesus Christ.

Read more: https://www.thedailybeast.com/artie-lange-is-not-ready-to-die-fck-em-all

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Artie Lange Is Not Ready to Die: F*ck Em All

Its hard being friends with the notoriously demon-plagued comedian Artie Langewhich, full disclosure, I am. This is in no way objective. I truly want the guy to live.

Sixty-nine days later, I heard the news, like anyone else who follows Lange: that he was near death after stabbing himself in the stomach nine times with a 13-inch kitchen knife.

Less than a month later, on Jan. 12, Lange returned home to New York and tweeted out to his 364,000 followers: Im back guys. Clean & Sober 32 days.

Artie Lange doesnt want to die… right?

The following interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.

Artie: Well half of my nose is gone. My nose has no septum. I mean Ive been snorting coke and heroin

Mandy: When was the last time you did coke or heroin?

Mandy: Whats the longest youve ever been clean?

Artie: Since I was 15, 11 months. And two weeks in my twenties.

Mandy: Do you take, what is it, methadone?

Aziz Im sorry is a better name. I dont have any respect for Aziz Ansari. Im glad nobody got raped.

Artie Lange

Mandy: You detoxed cold turkey in jail this last time?

Mandy: If you do fall off the wagon again, are you scared of fentanyl at all?

Artie: No. A real heroin addict is not scared of fentanyl. Id do it in a heartbeat. I want strong shit.

Mandy: Have you seen the tiny amount it takes to kill you?

Mandy: So I mean… you must want to die.

Artie: No, I dont want to die. I want to be high.

Mandy: But that will eventually kill you.

Artie: Im 50. If you would have told me in 1995, if you tried to bring up 2018, it would be like The Jetsons. Id be like, What are you talking about?

Mandy: So youre having fun on borrowed time.

Artie: Im playing with the houses money. As far as Im concerned, Im an overachiever. A lot of money changed hands on the internet when I turned 50. I was so happy. Fuck em all.

Mandy: But I mean… your mom and your sister. Theyre the main people who keep you from wanting to to be reckless with the houses money, right?

Artie: Yes thats the… thats the worst.

Mandy: I called your mom when you were practically in a coma these last few weeks, and her voice was just so heartbroken. I dont think she thought you were going to make it.

youtube

Mandy: Your mom discovered you when you tried to kill yourself in 2010, right?

Mandy: Does your mom talk to you every day?

Mandy: You seem to still get offered drugs a lot. I think about that scene in Crashing where its the super hot woman from Showgirls who has coke and wants to do it with you.

Artie: Gina Gershon? Yeah, you know, that episode is based on one of my stories. And if the woman who inspired the episode figures it out, shed be very happy with the casting.

Mandy: Do you think it was a good idea to leave rehab early?

Mandy: Youre just working so much right now.

Mandy: And Im guessing, from what you said, you dont want to leave your mom with nothing. So what about a gig like the one with Anthony Cumia. Is that enabling or is that helping you stay clean?

Mandy: Anthony probably does a better Howard impression than Howard at this point.

Mandy: Metaphorically.

Mandy: Who are the people from the Stern show you keep in touch with?

Mandy: You tweeted a few days ago, Look out Marci. Im talking to Howard without your permission, referring to his high-profile handler Marci Turk. Did you actually talk to Howard Stern?

Artie: No, I dont talk to Howard. We hate each others guts. He cant stand me for some reason, and Ive learned to hate him.

Mandy: Whats your reaction to Louis C.K.? And now everyones talking about the story that was written about Aziz Ansari.

Mandy: Have you had any women approach you with any kind of Me Too moment, something they wanted to confront you about?

I think he was trying to figure out a way to get rid of me. I did the job for him, but I dont think he was rooting for it.

Artie Lange on Howard Stern

Mandy: Do you think that Crashing captures the changing culture in comedy at all?

Mandy: So whats going on with your health? The diabetes has gotten really bad? Have you had to amputate anything?

Mandy: Have you thought about going down to Hippocrates Health Institute, where a lot of entertainment industry people have gone?

Mandy: I guess my take is, from observing you from afar, youve said, Im clean so many times, and that youre always somebody who is going to use.

Mandy: So do you think some of the drug abuse comes from massive, massive self-hatred? That was the case for me, I know, and many addicts.

Mandy: Do you still talk to Norm Macdonald?

Mandy: So why do you go back to the drugs after you get clean each time? Is it the boredom?

Mandy: So anger is often the cause of relapses for you? Anger at the world?

Mandy: When do you find out if youre going to jail?

Artie: Feb. 23. You know, if they want to send me away for being a junkie, thats fine. The judge was very fair. Very smart. I dont know if she was a big fan of mine, but thats all right.

Mandy: When do you think you were happiest in your life?

Mandy: Hollywood can be fairly crushing. So many transactional relationships and people who dont care if you live or die and want to use you.

Mandy: What do you think of Donald Trump, who used to do the Howard Stern Show quite a bit?

Mandy: What do you think of the porn star Stormy Daniels and Trump? I guess he asked her to spank him with a copy of Forbes.

Artie: Well, I think Ive done worse. Comparing him to Harvey Weinstein? Thats a fetish. Listen, if Trump has raped someone, of course I hate his guts.

Artie: The fact that I havent got it yet is hard to understand. I think theyre disappointed in me. It was an easier sell at 30 than it was at 50.

Mandy: Whats the best sobriety advice youve received, do you think?

Artie: To not make my Higher Power my career or another human being because it can disappoint you.

Mandy: Do you believe in God? Do you pray?

Read more: https://www.thedailybeast.com/artie-lange-is-not-ready-to-die-fck-em-all

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