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catboii · 1 year ago

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← Part 12 - Part 13 Full Thread

[Day ####]

“Oh yeah… 47.” The exposed, still relatively mysterious man smiles, and with the back of his better arm brushes his bloodied hair from his face. “That was it. Gareth is what he called himself.”

Agent 23’s eyes narrow and she steps into his space slightly. “What do you mean ‘himself’? Aren’t you Agent 47? Gareth?”

His expression falters. “Let me explain. But- quickly, they’re going to get impatient soon.” He quickly glances at the door, and his expression sours. “All four of them are out there still”.

Agent 23 tries to stay passive. He hasn’t threatened her, or explained much so far. She’s willing to hear him out at least. “Four? There’s only three of them. The Overseer, and Vicky- I mean, Agent 21, and-”

“No,” he interrupts, his tone unreadable but hard edged. The big guy’s here.”

“One of the higher ups?”

“Something like that. This place is corrupted from the inside you know”, he tilts his head at her, fixing her with an unreadable look. “You’d never know if you were talking to a real human or not. But forget that for now. I’ll explain, but then I have to leave. I don’t…” he pauses and stares down at the floor between them.

“You’re leaving? How?” She’s taken a few more steps, her guard fallen completely, something about the energy in the room reminding her of the sweet creature she’d been spending time with thus far. Playing chess together and drawing pictures, petting its feathers as it sat on her lap.

He doesn’t answer, just continues his own thought. “I don’t wanna leave you here with them.”

She fixes him with a look, confused. “With who? My colleagues? I’ve been fine so far.” It’s supposed to be a joke, but it doesn’t come out as care-free as she’d hoped, something roiling in the pit of her stomach again. The feeling that something isn’t… right.

After a brief few moments, the man raises his head, and stares straight into her eyes. “This guy. Gareth, Agent whatever the fuck. He was the last guy assigned to watch me. I didn’t like him. I can smell evil people. He was sick and bad.”

Agent 23 goes to say something, but all that comes out is an “oh,” and she feels silly.

The stranger, or not-so-stranger as it would seem, continues, “he wanted something from me. He knew there was something going on. I convinced him that I would let him in on all of it, let him in on the secret of his ‘god’.” At that last word, he furrows his brows in anger, his eyes almost appearing as slits as he keeps explaining, his voice slowly raising with each point. “He wanted to know how to kill his enemies with ease and get away with it. He had caused people’s deaths, his fellow Agents and people who trusted him, but he was too much of a pathetic sack of shit to take direct action. Wouldn’t get his own hands dirty.” He seems to snap back to himself and his face softens. “Sorry. I just…” His eyes trail back down to the floor, and he just stands there silently.

Despite herself, 23 puts out a hand, resting it on his upper arm. The injured one. “It’s alright. Just tell me what’s going on?” She says it softly, trying to replicate the first few times she met the little creature who grew on her so much in such a short time.

At first he jolts, then stiffens, looking at her hand as if it was a strange bug that he wasn’t sure would bite him. “I… He was a bad guy. And I needed to get out. So I convinced him to switch off the cameras. And he did. Because he was greedy.”

She thinks he has more to say, so she nudges him and smiles softly. “So what did you do then?”

“I killed him.” He says it so flatly, as if it meant nothing. “Had to keep it clean so I could use his clothes. Then I ate his body, so I could take his form, and put his clothes on and I just walked out.” He said it way too fast and 23 holds her hands up in a ‘whoa there’ gesture.

“You did what to take his what?” She closes her eyes, shaking her head. “Slow down and explain it like I’m a child, okay?”

“I don’t know much about humans but I don’t think you’d talk to a child about Carnomancy?” He tilts his head again, a genuine look of confusion on his face.

Agent 23 blinks, then puts her hands palms together and points at the… man? Not-man? “Let’s start with that. What’s… Carnomancy?”

The other’s eyes widen and they realise how out of their depth this poor human is. Still, they’re patient. “Carnomancy. Flesh manipulation. Shapeshifting…“ They gesture with their hands, miming in circular motions. “You know. It’s all part of Sarkicism”.

“Sarcastism?” She tries to repeat, and the entity almost thinks she’s fucking with it. “You’re going to have to dumb it down further.”

Their eyes dart about the floor as if somewhere down there would be a hint on how to explain this better. “Sarkicism,” they sound out slower, pronouncing it clearly. “It’s like… Body horror Scientology?”

There’s a moment of silence, and Agent 23’s mouth is agape. “I’m sorry. It’s what?”

“You know Scientology right?” Apparently they’re being totally serious.

Again, the Agent stands in disbelief, and she shakes her head quickly. “Not really. I know that Scientologists exist and they’re rich. And something about paying to cleanse their spirits?”

“Oh. Well yeah they believe in science and spirit stuff. That’s not important. That’ll take longer to explain.” They wave their hand, the arm that isn’t injured. And 23 notices that somehow they’re still bleeding from their wound. She tentatively tries to take the damaged limb in her hands, watching the entity’s face for a reaction as she does so. They let her, but they watch her closely as they continue to explain, speaking much faster, almost too fast for her to keep up with. “In the most basic version I can come up with on the spot, they believe in flesh magic, human sacrifice and ritualistic cannibalism, so they can become gods.”

The Agent thinks she does a good job of not showing how much she doesn’t believe this is a real thing. “Wow. Alright. So if I’m picking up where this is going,” she tilts her head as she checks over his cut, glancing between their face and the deep gouge. It’s ragged and looks like it was done with something that wasn’t very sharp, possibly digging over and over again until the skin finally broke, and then further so that there was enough of an opening to get that much blood to pour. It won’t heal very well, unless they really are some kind of flesh magician like they’re talking about, then maybe they can heal themself with this carnomancy they’re trying to pedal as a real thing. “You ate him, so that you could…” She suddenly has a moment of absolute clarity. The announcement that said Agent 47 had been compromised had said if anyone saw him, to not approach, but to report it to an Overseer immediately and they would initiate a lockdown. She tries to think about what else the announcement had said. Something regarding the Anomaly responsible would not hurt you if you hadn't threatened it. And when she’d been assigned to Crowvid, her Overseer had asked all the Agents if anyone had had any negative interactions with it… She peers up to the entity, seeing that it was looking at her intently. “You’re not Agent 47, are you?” It’s not a question really, more of a statement.

They shake their head after a moment, and then they give a weak smile. “People call me Tii.”

“Tea? Like the letter or the drink?” She tries to lighten the mood, because she isn’t sure what else to do. At that moment, the main door starts to whir, and Tii’s head whips around toward the glass, their body dropping into a defensive position and she can almost swear she heard them growl. She tries to calm them down by putting her hands out toward them, but they just keep staring wildly around. “Who’s there?” she calls out toward the sounds of the second door opening.

There’s no response until the final door starts to open, and a large man in a black lab coat steps through, whistling as he glances around, admiring the state of the room. “You really are a piece of art. Only art can perpetuate art, no?”

Agent 23 looks between the strange man and the creature wearing a human suit that she still thinks of as her charge, the tension so thick that it’s almost tangible. She puts an arm in front of Tii and ushers them behind her. “Who are you?”

The sickly sweet smile on his face is almost enough to make her feel sick. It’s worse than any condescending expression she’s been given by anyone of her higher ups thus far. “I’m known by many names, but you… You can call me Dr.Kray.” He holds his hand out, like a mediaeval king expecting her to kiss his royal signet ring. She looks up at him and sneers at the offered hand.

Pulling back her authority in her assigned chamber, she challenges him, “and how can I help you, Dr.Kray?”

The hearty chuckle that he lets out is enough to get Tii to flinch, and they back off two steps, but she grabs their arm and gives them a reassuring squeeze. “You, help me? No no.” He takes the remaining steps toward them both, and the still unclothed, uncertain, entity almost physically cowers. “I’m here for that.” He gestures at Tii with the back of a knuckle, “I could hear you in here you know. I always can. Telling our little pet here all about the grand secrets of the universe…”

Agent 23 steps between them both, a brash move that she normally wouldn’t take against someone who she assumes to either be higher ranked than her, or just much, much richer than her. “This is my charge, my assignment. If you have some business with him-”

She’s sharply interrupted. “It. I have business with… It.” He says it almost as if it’s a slur.

23 turns back to her companion in this, searching for some kind of rebuttal, but they just nod as if that’s correct. “It?” she clarifies.

It glances at the tall man, then back to her, “yeah. No he.”

There’s a ‘hmph’ from the man, as if this was a silly question to ask, and he takes control of the situation again. “So if we’re quite done with the pleasantries. I would prefer to not see scrawny human testicles any further. You can devour this human and join me in my office. You’ll like it, it has carpet.”

It takes a moment for 23 to register the order given, and she gets that stabbing anxiety in her stomach again, as she turns to her charge, who’s just staring at the floor as if it can’t meet her eyes. She weighs up her options of who to try arguing for her life with, and decides to go for the most ambitious, but definitely stupidest option. “What benefit would h- it, get, from eating me? What, this flesh magic lets you turn into someone if you eat them? There’s nowhere special you can get by using my face. You’ve got Agent 47…”

The man raises an eyebrow at her absolute gall, daring to address him. “Sweetheart, they all know that 47 is dead.” His tone is mocking, like he’s telling a child that Santa isn’t real, and that’s why she got no presents this year, despite being on her best behaviour.

“But… Surely they’ll guess that something’s happened to me too. Tii made it far too obvious that something was going on by covering the cameras and-”

She hadn’t noticed him stepping closer, and he leans right into her personal space. She can smell the cigarettes and alcohol on his breath, and his aftershave lingers in the air. “You’re right. ‘Tii’ did fuck that up, didn’t it.” His tone has an edge to it, accusing, accentuating the name as if it was something taboo. She realises she said the wrong thing, and maybe let something else slip that she shouldn’t have, and she turns to Tii, who’s not looking at the floor anymore, but isn’t looking at either of them directly either. It looks tired.

“I didn’t fuck it up,” it starts, although its voice is shaky. “I did it on purpose. I hoped you wouldn’t send her in.”

There’s a moment of recognition in Dr.Kray’s eyes, and he narrows them, almost respectfully, but then he sighs dramatically. “Tell me what you want…” It’s said like a parent to a child, caving to getting them the ice cream they’ve been pestering them for for hours.

The entity has relaxed, and at some point that 23 hadn’t really noticed, it had slipped its bloodied hand into her own. She looks down at their entwined fingers, feeling her heart beat in her chest as she wonders if this will be her last sensation. “I want her. And I want to be out. And I want her to be out. And for you to leave her alone.”

The man leans back thoughtfully, crossing his arms over his chest and sighing loudly, as if this was a big pain in the ass. “You want to save this one puny human?” He leans back in again, all easy gestures and over dramatic movements. “What’s so special about it?”

At first the statement is lost on her, and as Tii rushes forward, putting itself between her and the Dr, protesting something that she can’t quite focus on, she catches it.

‘What’s so special about it’.

... ‘It’.

#posted ooc.#drabble.#exp ts.#ts pt13.#scp stuff.#self harm imp;;#blood;;#dehumanisation;;#meta misgendering;;#Tii's used pronouns in this change 3 times bc of POV stuff #this starts w just. Tii using some dude's form stood there naked and partly covered in its own blood. juicy.#last part!!!!#I'm so tired!!#it's not meant to be like a romantic “i want her!!” it's just like no this is my human i wanna keep it as a pet #readmore.

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chihirolovebot · 2 years ago

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steady (going nowhere).

feat. nagito komaeda/reader

synopsis. you're a reserve-course student with a charged relationship with nagito komaeda. he has just acquired the key to a love hotel.

content. smut, MDNI, afab!reader, nagito and reader are kinda enemies/rivals, nagito is kind of a dick, he fantasises about killing you briefly, allusions to strangling, reserve course!reader, light angst, fingering (f!recieving), handjobs, kissing, love hotels, no real d/s dynamics, pet names (honey, sweetheart).

word count. 3.1k

notes. thank u for commissioning this!! ur an absolute angel and i really hope this was what you wanted (also i went a lot over the word bracket but shhh its okay more komaeda) <3

commission me or leave a tip here!

Nagito isn't totally sure what he's doing.

Contrary to what a lot of people think, this is not a regular occurrence, either. It's not often he finds himself in a position where he's unsure what to expect next. But here, legs folded on his bed and turning the small key over in his fingers thoughtfully, there's a pit of uncertainty yawning open in his stomach.

It's an unassuming thing, this little key that had rolled out of the strange vending machine at school. Gilt-gold and bejewelled with some pink, sparkly stone at the ornate-heart hilt. Attached to it had been a tag of paper that read in swirly writing — "a key for the hotel of love, where all your deepest fantasies will come true!"

According to the tag, all he had to do was place the key beneath his pillow, and he would be visited by someone he knew during the night. The wording was vague, leaving him wondering whether it would be a dream or... something more than a dream, and less than reality. His cheeks warm—does such a thing exist?

He shouldn't really be considering it, after all. From the sounds of it, there's no telling who exactly will visit you in this state of unreality. What if, heaven forbid, it was one of his classmates? He'd never be able to look them in the eye again. He already feels guilty for inflicting his presence upon them in real time, let alone if he began foisting himself upon them in their dreams—where, precisely, would be the escape then?

Nagito flops back on his large bed with a sigh. The sheets are cold and ironed beneath him, freshly-tucked with the new week begun. They smell clinical, like carbolic soap and lavender fabric softener. His beds have always been too big for him, but when he was a child he used to curl up between his parents. He hasn't had anybody to share warmth with since they died, of course—the closest he'd gotten was Nanami falling asleep on his shoulder once during class. He'd frozen so still he barely had room to breathe.

He finds, somehow, that the key had wriggled beneath his pillow without his knowledge. Deliberately not thinking about his, Nagito switches off the light, rolls over and shuts his eyes.

It's probably just a weird gimmick, anyway, not meant to be taken seriously. He won't be surprised if the thing doesn't work at all.

The first thing he realises upon waking is that he isn't awake.

It's like blinking very slowly, watching the world come back into focus when your eyes peel open again. The room he finds himself in in circular. There's plush, pale carpet beneath his feet studded with rosy rugs, and in the center of the room, a lavish bed tossed with red silk sheets, shrouded by gauzy curtains. Lights from the intricate chandelier overhead throw the room into soft, burnished relief, makes the edges of everything round and soft. Nagito believes, intrinsically, that nothing in this room could ever hurt him.

Not even you.

Because, ah, he registers with mild shock, you are here too, blending into the soft pink shimmering background as though you're part of it, as though you came with it. For a moment, the two of you stare at each other; his shock is not registered in your features. Rather, you stand blank, unaffected, like you're waiting for him to mould you in some way.

Nagito's lip curls in disgust. Ah... here is the turnaround, the losing side of the coin toss. Here is his luck spinning back around to knock his lights out, because of course it would be you that decides to waste his time in this place. You, the insipid Reserve Course student with the big eyes and easy smile. You, who thinks themself not only worthy of breathing the same air as the Ultimates, but have inflated your ego with such staggering arrogance that you actually think you're worthy of befriending them. He's seen you, waiting after class for Nanami so the two of you can walk to get boba together, or playing mahjong with Nevermind and Tanaka, or chatting idly to Tsumiki as she bandages a grazed knee for you.

You're like a clingy insect, sinking your fingers into the kind of people you could never hope to be. Nagito has no clue how you deign yourself a worthy sight to taint their eyes, but he knows he gets a sour taste in his mouth when he walks across the ground and sees you talking with any of his classmates.

And now here you are. Come to mock him even in dreams.

"Reserve course," he sneers. "I didn't expect to see you here..."

You blink; all at once, something light and free fills your face. You look so pleased to see him that it actually takes Nagito aback for a moment; your general expression when you catch his eye is one of general distaste, like you've just smelled something unpleasant.

"That old chestnut?" you tease with a short laugh that sounds like bells. "C'mon, I thought we'd outgrown that by now."

Nagito's eyebrows knit together. "Outgrown...?"

Ah. He'd forgotten—this was supposed to be your fantasy, wasn't it? The key had said he was supposed to play along...hm. If he played his cards right, he'd have you pretty vulnerable here. Totally immersed in your pathetic little fantasy.

If you died in this fantasy, would you die in real life? A cold thrill works its way down Nagito's spine at the notion. He could finally rid Class 77 of the fly on the wall. It's not like he hasn't thought about it before—but that had only been fleeting, vicious instinct. This could be real. Or at least... as close to the real thing as he'd ever get.

How could he do it? Nagito's fingers flex, his mind spinning with sudden possibility. There are ropes in one corner of the room—he could pretty easily strangle you with those. Or he could do it with his bare hands, feel the birdbones of your neck crack between the pressure of his fingers...

"Nagito?" Your voice breaks through his reverie, timid and concerned. When he blinks and looks at you, you're staring at him very tenderly. He cannot even remember the last time anybody looked at him like that; it makes him feel like an ant beneath a microscope. "Hey... is everything okay?"

His heart hammers. He should play along, he thinks, before he makes his move. He hikes a plastic smile onto his face. "Of course! Why wouldn't it be?"

You tilt your head. "C'mon, I know you better than that... don't think you can fool me with a fake smile, now."

Nagito's expression slips in shock. "Huh?"

"Look," you sigh. "I know our rivalry when we were in school was, well, a lot, sometimes. But I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me stuff that's bothering you, you know? I mean, I want to hear it! That's... why I married you, after all."

Nagito feels his stomach drop. Ah. Now that he thinks about it, he's sort of... totally unprepared for this. As his speechless silence only stretches on, you approached closer to him. It's so unnerving seeing your face so open and tender to him; the burnished lights of the love hotel make your features soft and blushed, illuminating you from the inside out with rosy light.

He flinches when your hands come up, slowly like you're giving him time to pull away. When they come to rest on his face, holding him like he's something precious, he's frozen.

"Honey?" you murmur, and the pet name catches on something deep and dark inside his stomach. He stares at you, eyes round as coins. "Talk to me."

Play along, Nagito tells himself weakly. "I..." He swallows thickly. "You're right. Something is bothering me."

"I thought so." He fights the instinct to flinch when you press a soft kiss to his forehead. This much attention on him is making him feel dizzy; it's almost enough to make him forget that it's you affording it to him. "What is it? You know you can tell me anything..."

"I suppose..." He licks his suddenly dry lips. You're far, far too close. He's never been so close to you, not even when he was teasing you. You smell like coconut bodywash and spearmint gum. Your eyes are... huh. He's never noticed their colour, actually. They're alive, flickering in the roselight, shining with care and concern and—and—

Nagito's stomach flips. Oh.

He knows what love looks like, even if only second-hand; he remembers seeing it in the way his parents looked at each other, and him, too. He sees it in random couples in the street. He even sees it in some of his classmates, the ones who think they are subtle (Tanaka and Saionji, particularly), and the ones who are not (Souda comes to mind).

That's what it is, plain as day, shining openly out of your face. Nagito's own burns.

"I—I'm just exhausted, I think," he manages to dredge up when it becomes clear you're still waiting on a response. "There's been... so much on my mind recently, that's all."

Not exactly a lie.

"Oh, sweetheart..." you sigh. "I always tell you you're thinking too much, don't I?"

"Yes," he answers immediately, because that, at least, is very much true.

You give a soft chuckle as opposed to the ordinary eyeroll you would afford him. And then something in your face changes; maybe your eyes droop a little, or your smile turns a little sharper.

"Well..." you pose, and yes, your voice is a shade deeper too, rolling from you like hot honey. Nagito's mouth is suddenly dry. "I don't mind taking your mind off it, while we have time."

"T-take—" Dammit, why is he stammering? He's never lost control of his tongue around you. He notices your hands have moved; one encircles the back of his neck, raising goosebumps in its path, and the other has dropped to clench around his upper arm.

You smile, and lean in to kiss him.

Nagito only has about a half-second to panic before your lips capture his in a slow cling. It's—Nagito gets the feeling, distantly, that he should be more disgusted right now. Yesterday, the thought of you so close, touching him to intimately would have sent his stomach turning. But here, in this soft warm trance that is not quite reality, all he feels is the soft muscle of your lips tracing against his, and the warmth of your body pressed close and firm to his.

It's... nice.

"Here," you murmur, pulling back, and your voice is like a hook through Nagito's ribs and he follows, mindless, as you walk the two of you backwards in a tight tangle of limbs, his leg getting lost between yours, your arms snaking over him. You encroach on his space until he's shoved against one of the posts of the bed, wood biting into his spine, and it's so much he can't breathe.

"Wait," he cries into the void as soon as you pull back for air. "Wait, wait, wait..."

He realises he didn't have to say it more than once; you backed off the second he opened his mouth.

Concern trenches your features. Nagito swallows, hard. He can taste aloe vera lipbalm on his mouth.

He should stop this now.

He should just leave.

Let it stay a dream.

Your brows cinch. "No?"

Nagito trembles. Then—

"Yes," he breathes. "Please."

Whatever waver had taken root in your expression clears, and you jump at him with renewed vigour, kissing him harder. It's lips for only a few harsh impatient seconds before there's tongue and teeth and there's breathing, somehow, but all Nagito tastes is you. You shove him back the mattress digs into the sensitive backs of his knees and he buckles, sprawls out amongst the satin sheets and rosepetals.

You stand over him, chest heaving, and Nagito takes a moment to realign his thoughts and take it all in. It's you standing over him, eyes wide and sparkling with reverence.

(Your view is quite lovely too. Nagito peers up at you like a deer in headlights, papery skin flushed scarlet, hair mussed, more colour in his lips as he licks them nervously than you've ever seen. The neckline of his shirt droops, exposing jutting ivory collarbones you want to sink your teeth into).

You kneel over him, take a moment before sliding one hand beneath his shirt, palm flat, fingers spread wide as though you're trying to feel as much of him as possible. This one skimming touch is still enough to make Nagito gasp, and you feel the hitch of his stomach as his breath catches, the uneven rising and fall.

"So pretty," you breathe, so much love in your eyes it looks like it's about to spill over. Nagito can't breathe. "Off, okay?"

Nagito pulls his shirt over his head with shaking fingers, sees his pale torso shine into being in the soft light. But—it's the strangest thing—he doesn't feel as if he needs to hide, not for a second, not when you look at him like that.

You lean forward, lips skimming over the plane of his stomach and chest before they find home on his sternum, where you plant a kiss. Nagito squirms, propped up on his elbows, watching your ministrations. You move up, graze your teeth along the bone of his collar before closing your mouth over the jut and sucking gently, the barest flash of your tongue circling the flesh between your teeth, and Nagito arches up to the foreign sensation with a cry.

The throbbing between his legs is starting to pollute his thoughts, he thinks, because it suddenly seems insane that he is not touching you, that you are doing all the work. For a moment, Nagito forgets. He forgets that you're Reserve Course, that he brought you here to kill you, all he knows is that you love him here, now, and you're beautiful and it isn't right you should be toiling over him whilst he lies here, helpless.

Noting as he swallows that his throat has gone completely dry, Nagito drags a shaky hand up one of your legs. You hum against his skin, so he takes it as a sign to continue. The warm plane of your thigh seems to go on agonisingly forever before the pads of his fingers graze over the band of your underwear. Nagito's heart shoots to his throat.

You lean up, eyes sparkling as you watch his hot face. "What?" you laugh. "Nothing you haven't seen before, is it?"

And you take his hand in yours and move it.

Nagito gapes at where his fingers now rest just inches away from... his face burns. It is easier when you stop looking at him, when you return to adorning his chest and neck with your mouth to slip inside the thin cotton barrier and search blindly.

You're warm, inside, soft and wet and Nagito's teeth sink into his bottom lip in an effort to keep from whimpering. He drags his shaking fingers down, then up then down again until your thighs seize over him, clamping his hipbones between your legs as Nagito circles a spot that has your breath stuttering against his neck.

"A-ah, Nagito..." Your legs inch apart, just a bit wider. "There, please, keep—a little higher, j-just—oh, that's it, fuck, that's it, there—!"

Attuned to the soft slips of breath and garbled words that spill from your mouth, Nagito does as you instruct, so focused he doesn't even realise you're shucking off his belt until his hears the click and feels the zipper of his trousers open.

His hand freezes. You're not... no way. Surely you're not going to...

Your hand curls round him and Nagito forgets to breathe. "Is it okay?"

Nagito groans, a strangled affirmation as you start slow—and a few moments later when you pick up the pace, he groans again, this one pitching up 'till his voice cracks, and his body shudders, sinking back into the mattress.

He only remembers his hand inside your underwear when you give a subtle jerk of your hips, and he remembers with a start what he was in the middle of before you distracted him. Hurriedly, he tries to return to task, drags his fingers through the wetness before experimentally sliding one inside. He wishes he could swallow the answering moan that shivers out of your mouth, but he's hardly got room to do anything when your fist clenches tighter over him in response to the simulation, a sudden roughness that has him choking, "A-ah-hah!"

"Sorry," you gasp, "sorry, sorry," and you loosen your grip but go even faster, wrist twisting and it's so good, it's so warm and close and strange being this close to someone, being this close to you, and your eyes burn right through him and Nagito knows this is a dream because oh, nobody could ever really look at him with so much love, nobody could really stand to touch him for so long, so intimately without wanting to wash their hands.

Nobody—

"Don't get in your head," you mutter through wavering breaths. "You're here, with me, okay?"

"Okay," Nagito chokes, curling his fingers.

"Ah!" you wail, hips stuttering, thighs trembling on either side of him, "Nagito, I'm close, I—"

"I've got you," the words slip out his mouth without meaning, but he does mean it, and one finger becomes two and they curl inside you, his thumb arching to circle the spot that renders you speechless, all squinched-shut eyes and silent scream. Nagito finds a hot pressure building in the pit of his own stomach, his hips chasing your moving fist, and he thinks—

You lean down and crash your mouths together, hurried, frantic, teeth scraping over lips, tongues running over each other, and you choke a frantic moan into his mouth as you finish, clenching around him, and Nagito is only a few seconds behind, soaking your hand and the plane of his stomach.

Your lips detach. Nagito finds he has teared up a little, but your thumb come, shaky, to brush any wetness away. You lay a kiss to the tip of his nose.

"I love you," you say, needlessly. Nagito can feel it. It's everywhere. You're everywhere.

Tiredness pulls his body into sweet, heavy darkness before he can respond.

When he wakes, he is alone. The events are already slipping away from him, like how one loses a vivid dream, but as he slowly sits up and pulls a pillow to his stomach as if to cushion the sudden, crushing loneliness that has accumulated there, he finds there are dried tear tracks on his cheeks.

#🗞; writing tag.#danganronpa x reader #danganronpa smut #nagito komaeda x reader #nagito komaeda smut #komaeda x reader #komaeda smut #nagito x reader #nagito smut #vee after dark.

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lacheri · 4 years ago

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when you can’t sleep at night // wake me (sequel)

pairing: captain!Levi x cadet!fem bodied reader

content: angst, canonverse, mentions and talks of death/portrayals of death, depictions of violence, blood, overall dark themes, unestablished relationship, fingering, mutual loss of virginities, overstimulation, takes place sometime before the 57th expedition (didn't follow an exact timeline), there is a lot of talks about dying in this, levi asks a lot of intrusive questions, minors DNI.

summary: levi finds he holds an affection to a certain cadet of his. you find that maybe the comfort of your captain can quiet the thoughts plaguing your mind, even if just for one night.

wc: 10.7k

The clouds were so fluffy, so white and pure as you longingly watched them swirl above you. Your entire body was numb, back flat against the dirt with all your limbs stretched out. Your brain felt fuzzy, and for a fleeting moment you were flying in the clouds. You could feel the water vapor skim past your fingertips, the air whooshing against you as you soared. You looked down at the earth beneath your form, all the trees and even the walls looked so tiny from this height. This peaceful daydream was pulled from you with a start, your chest heaving with coughs.

“I’m so sorry!” you heard a voice call out, your line of vision intruded by the hazy form of a person leering over you. “I didn’t mean to hit you like that!”

“‘S okay,” you choked out, the numbness fading into aches all over your body. “I’ve gotten you good a couple of times too, Eren.”

“You know what, on second thought,” Eren’s lips spread into a smirk as he extended a hand down. “Consider this payback for beating my ass all those times in the Training Corps.”

“Good on you for finally landing a hit,” you chuckled, wincing as he hauled you to your feet. “Only took you three years.”

You rocked on your ankles, steadying yourself quickly before your legs gave out on you. Eren had gotten you good, roundhouse kicking you in your chest to lay you out on your ass. His training sessions had begun to pay off, used to the reverse happening when the two of you sparred. Mikasa would look on intently, a small smile on her lips when you’d punch Eren’s smug face with a sharp hook. You and 104th cadets were a friendly, strong group, bonded over the horrors of the titans, especially after what happened in Trost.

“What are you brats doing out here?”

Your heads whipped in the direction of the strong voice, meeting the steely hard set eyes of Levi, your captain and soon to be squad leader. His arms were crossed, and you gulped upon taking notice of how his biceps strained under the grey linen of his button up. You quickly flickered your focus back to his eyes before he caught you eyeing him up.

“Just sparring,” Eren hadn’t released the grip on your hand, nor had he noticed he was still holding onto your palm as he addressed the superior. “Prepping for the mission tomorrow.”

Levi frowned, “And who told you it was okay to do so when I gave you cadets instruction to clean the headquarters from top to bottom?”

You pulled your hand from Eren’s as you responded, “Sorry, Captain Levi. We’ll get on it right away.”

Levi only let out a displeased ‘tch’ as he turned on his heels, walking away without further commentary. Eren shot you an eye roll, and you held back a snicker as the pair of you followed shortly after the ravenette. Maybe the two of you had snuck away to leave the rest of your comrades to attack the former Survey Corps headquarters with dusters and cleaning rags, not wanting to participate in your weekly assigned duties. Eren had been adamant in the cobwebbed hallway on the second floor that he had to practice his hand to hand combat, just in case your squads ran into some problems on tomorrow’s mission. You had eagerly agreed, wanting to be as far away from the unsettled dust that assaulted your nostrils, itching at your allergies.

As the three of you entered the building, Levi abruptly turned to the two of you trailing behind him, you and Eren jumping in fright, “Eren, go to the dining hall, you’re going to wipe down underneath all the tables. As for you, brat, you get the honor of cleaning my room.”

Eren shot you a sympathetic look discreetly, nodding to your captain as he hightailed it to the hall.

You swallowed a lump in your throat, alone now with the captain. He studied you for a brief moment, gesturing with his head for you to follow him. Your feet moved before your mind could will you, and the soft thuds of your footsteps across the wooden planks of the floor was all that was heard. You snuck glances at the man before you, taking notice that his undercut was slightly grown in, his longer hair uncharacteristically out of place. Levi looked disheveled in a way, his tan leather jacket creased.

You opened your mouth to make a comment, but decided against it in the end. You were going to offer your assistance, to help freshen up his fade and to do his laundry, but figured Levi was a grown man who could take care of himself. You had a soft spot for the man, humanity’s strongest soldier. You knew a title like that came with a weight you could not fathom, especially after the horrors you had seen at Trost when the titans broke through the walls. You could remember everything so clearly, almost as if it was happening right now. You had nearly died that day.

Your older age amongst your fellow cadets was not one of gain you found out. After learning about the tragedy of Wall Maria, the wall closest to your village, it inspired you to join the Survey Corps in order to help the world. Humanity was dying, almost completely obliterated. Distant family members had died in Shiganshina that day, and the reality of the titans weighed heavily on you. How could you sit idly by as the world you knew was being destroyed before your very eyes? What would’ve happened had that attack been on your small village instead of the Shiganshina district? How would you have protected your own?

So with those thoughts in mind, you joined the training corps. Your parents had disagreed with broken hearts, knowing the likely fate of your choices. Your mother had insisted that you were of ripe marrying age, and that they had no other children to carry your family name. They begged and pleaded for you to settle down and find a husband, to help humanity in a different way by bearing children. You knew this was just a fantasy, and you knew it would be entirely possible that if you were to follow their wishes, the family you would create would be devoured and destroyed. This was the only way you could help, no matter your age or being in your reproductive prime. You needed to slaughter the titans, one by one until none remained. You kissed your beloved family goodbye the day you left for training, and you frequently sent them letters to let them know you were well and alive. One day, they all were returned back to you as you sat in the barracks, and one of the captains informed you that your village was destroyed, your parents and friends from home all dead.

You thought of them as you sliced through a five meter titan’s nape in Trost, your first kill. The citizens of the district ran stampeding in retreat, and caught up in the heat of it all, you had failed to account for the seven meter barreling behind you. When it’s burning fingers wrapped around your body, you sobbed, preparing to meet your family in the afterlife, whatever that would look like. You could feel the hot spats of drool hit your cheeks as the titan opened its mouth, bearing teeth and a cruel grin, and then suddenly, you were flying, caught in the arms of a savior. You stared in disbelief at the cut off fingers on the graveled stone of the street, to only be brought out of this state as Mikasa held you close and questioned if you were alright.

After the dust settled and the casualties were counted, you could feel a fire blazing deep within you. You never wanted to be vulnerable like that ever again, you wanted to be strong like Mikasa. Then, you met Captain Levi. You didn’t know much about him, but his reputation spoke volumes. You wanted the strength of the Ackermans whom you so deeply admired. You begged Commander Erwin to be assigned to Levi’s squad, and your wish was granted. You had been in the top rankings of your class, and you had a solo kill under your belt, aside from the near fatal clutch of another titan. Most of all, you had survived, a bigger feat than most of your comrades.

“Oi, you done daydreaming?” Levi’s cool voice brought you out of your train of thoughts as you arrived outside a wooden door, presumably his temporary living space.

“Sorry, just thinking,” you mumbled as he opened the door.

“Didn’t think you were capable of that. All the supplies are in the box on my desk, I want this room spotless, I don’t care how long it takes,” your captain grumbled as he made strides to his desk in the center of the room.

The room was fairly large, a double bed pressed against the left wall and the dark wooden desk was littered in paperwork. Half filled bookshelves lined the right wall, some mismatched couches and chairs filled the empty space. Honestly, the space was nearly perfect, even the bed was made. You knew better than to point this out to your superior though, so you had simply nodded and began to sort through the various cleaning supplies.

The scratch of Levi’s pen filled the hour long silence as you worked, dusting every surface and wiping it down with disinfectant spray and an old rag. After sweeping thoroughly, you flickered your eyes to the single window in the entire room, surprised completely as the sun had nearly set. The two of you were probably going to miss dinner, you realized as Levi poked his head up from the pile of papers he was concentrated on, a clear look of distaste on his features.

“This is what you call clean?” he spat, running a hand through his bangs. “Mop the floors, cadet.”

You sighed, feeling the subtle growl of hunger in the pit of your stomach. The mop laid in the left corner by the bedroom door, where you had found the broom. You swapped the two, picking up a bucket on the floor. You filled the wooden container with disinfectant, not seeing any polish in the box Levi had provided. He only rolled his eyes at seeing this, but said nothing. At least the floor would be clean.

Levi had lit a few lamps around the room to provide lighting as the sun dipped lower in the sky, swallowing the room in darkness. The floor was sparkling as you finished the last spot, a feeling of satisfaction filling your chest.

“Better?” you interrupted his concentration. He gazed around the room silently, face blank.

“Much,” Levi finally spoke. “That’ll be all, cadet.”

You smiled, setting the cleaning supplies back to their original locations, “Do you want me to bring you anything? I’m going down to grab dinner.”

Levi’s eyes widened at the question, not expecting your offer, “Some tea would be fine. Don’t fuck it up either, brat.”

You nodded as he dismissed you, and you treaded down the stairwell from the second floor to the kitchens. Some of the other cadets littered the dining hall as you passed, seeing some of your comrades laughing at a table, but you paid them no mind. In the kitchen there was hardly any leftover food from the dinner, scraps of potatoes sat in a large bowl on one of the counterspaces. You sighed, scarfing down whatever was available while you set a rusted kettle to a flame. The water was boiled within minutes, and you poured it over tea leaves in two teacups. You cleaned up your mess, and made your way back to Levi’s room.

You knocked twice on the door, hearing his grunt to signal you to enter. Levi was still positioned in his chair at his desk, head in his hands as he scanned over his documents. You placed his cup down silently, ready to leave the man to his work.

“Why are you here, cadet?” your captain called out as you went to open the door.

You turned your head to look at him, his eyes never leaving the words of his papers, “What do you mean, captain?”

“The Survey Corps,” he clarified, finally making eye contact. “Why?”

“To save humanity, sir?” you didn’t mean to speak as if you were questioning him, but your eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

He scoffed, setting his paperwork aside, “Humanity, huh? You’re a bit too old to be in the graduating class you’re currently in. Why join now?”

“I’m sorry, but I’m confused,” your body was facing his entirely now. “Why are you asking me these questions?”

“Because it doesn’t make sense,” he more so mumbled to himself. “You shouldn’t be here. You should be pregnant with your first born, with a husband. Instead, you’re here, trying to fight titans.”

“With all due respect, Captain,” your voice was laced with controlled anger. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

“Aren’t you scared?” Levi continued, ignoring your question. “You could’ve picked the easy way.”

“It would’ve been in vain. My village was wiped out shortly after Wall Maria fell.”

He hummed, his hands coming down to rest on the wooden notches of his desk, papers forgotten, “You were in the top ranks. You could’ve joined the military police.”

“And hear how my comrades died instead of helping them?” you gawked.

“It’s a lot better than watching.”

You shut your mouth then, lips pressing tightly together. You didn’t understand why your captain was questioning you like this.

“I see the way you are with them,” his tone softened, not looking you in the eyes as he spoke. “How you all are.”

“Just because I’m friendly doesn’t mean I’ll forget the purpose of the scouts,” you said defensively, crossing your arms. “I have my own ass to account for.”

Levi pushed off his chair suddenly, scraping the just mopped floor and jolting up to his legs, “You have no idea what it’s like out there. Your friends are going to die, cadet. There’ll be nothing you can do to save them. Are you prepared for that? Collecting their bodies, or whatever’s left of them to take home to their families?”

Your mouth went dry, jaw slacking, “Captain, I know what loss feels like. My family is dead, some of my so called ‘friends’ died in Trost. I know what I signed up for.”

He scoffed, circling around his desk to stand a few feet away from you, “Haven’t you seen enough?”

“Are you trying to get me to quit the Survey Corps?” you asked incredulously.

“Yes. You don’t belong here,” his tone was rough as he spat at you. “Go find a husband. Get the fuck out of the military.”

“I don’t want to,” your anger simmered as you stared down at your boots. “I don’t have a home to go back to. I can’t leave. I know the other cadets aren’t my friends. I’m just trying to make the best out of my life before I die. I know I’m going to die. What’s so wrong about trying to find comfort in others?”

“You are a fool,” he seethed, teeth clenched. “You want to die?”

You shook your head, not bothering to keep the conversation going, “I’m going to bed, Captain. I’ll see you tomorrow for the mission.”

“I didn’t dismiss you, cadet,” Levi towered over you now as your hand wrapped around the doorknob.

You brought your fist up to your chest in a salute as you began to exit, “With absolutely no disrespect, I’m exhausted. Have a good night, Captain.”

You pushed the door shut in front of you as you stood in the hallway. You knew you would be getting an ear full from Levi in the morning, but honestly, the conversation was beginning to stir up feelings you’d rather not address. Intrusive thoughts filled your mind as you made your way to the first floor where your temporary bedroom resided.

You couldn’t answer Levi’s question because in a way, in a very selfish train of thought, you didn’t want to be a part of the titan’s world anymore, whether that meant death or something else. How easy it would be for you to greedily pack your things and leave the military and take refuge in some random village to live out the rest of your days, however long they would be. Or to just simply become fodder for the titans in your quest to rid the world of their reign.

Your uniform was folded on your bedside table, a cotton shirt and shorts on your body as you sat on your bed over the covers. You could hear the soft snores of Christa as she slumbered peacefully in the bed across the room, and you gazed over her body under her covers. You knew the people you trained with, fought with, grew fond of, were not your friends. How could they be? It’d only make things harder in the end. Like Levi had said, you might be the one collecting their deceased bodies after a battle. How could you ever grow close to someone that you knew their days were numbered?

The 104th cadets were your comrades, not your makeshift family. You had to remind yourself of that every time Sasha would ask for your leftovers, batting her big eyes at you. When Eren would spar with you, telling you how strong you were and commending you on how far you had come since the first day of the Training Corps. How Mikasa literally saved your life, and how you had admired her ever since. Armin’s unmatched potential and growth. Jean’s relentless taunting, giving you the nickname of gram because of your age. Connie, well frankly, just being Connie. Reiner and Bertholdt’s strong will and passion. Annie’s unwavering willpower and prowess. All the other cadets who you’d gotten to know so well, you had to constantly imagine their corpses as they smiled at you and tried to get to know you. So, you stayed back, opting to be alone at any opportunity, so their deaths would be easier to swallow when the time came.

You squeezed your eyes shut, shaking your head to try and rid yourself of your thoughts. It was of no use, and with a sigh you pushed yourself out of your bed. You deemed it would be yet again another sleepless night, and you realized sadly you had left your tea cup in Levi’s office completely untouched. You didn’t bother to entertain the thought of going back to retrieve it, instead you slinked through your bedroom door and out of the headquarters.

The night air was chilly, and you felt regret for not grabbing your jacket on your way out. The moon was gone, a completely black night, and you could see the stars crystal clear. The sky was your favorite sight, especially on nights like this.

You found a nice patch of soft grass, and laid on your back to gaze up at the sky. This was always your comfort, even as a child, to go outside and watch the sky, day or night. Your mother would warn you that your eyes would fall out of your head if you stared too long at the sun, at the moon. You didn’t care, because in those moments you felt so free. Free of the walls that caged you inside, of the world around you. You were the clouds, the stars, the wind as it rolled past. Maybe you were never meant to be human, you mused. You were meant to be nature, never to experience the trials and tribulations of sentinel living. You were supposed to be free, all knowing and ignorant at the same time, existing without the weight of consciousness.

“Thought you were going to bed, cadet?”

You were startled by the boom of a familiar voice behind you, collecting yourself and clearing your throat, “I couldn’t sleep.”

Levi’s head bobbed into your field of vision, “Thought too hard today?”

You rolled your eyes, feeling guilty as you caught the action afterwards and hoped your captain wouldn’t find it as a disrespect, “Yeah, you could say that.”

“Why are you out here of all places, without a jacket?” out of the corner of your eye you watched as Levi brought himself down to sit next to you.

“I like watching the sky,” you put simply, trying not to make eye contact. “Makes me feel better.”

“About dying?” he said, and you knew that he wouldn’t let your previous conversation go. You decided to humor him, if only to get these thoughts out of your mind.

“Yes.”

“Like what?” he almost sounded uninterested, but from his line of questioning you knew he was anything but.

“I don’t want to die,” you admitted, digging your fingernails into the grass by your waist. “I don’t want to watch anyone die. I never wanted to join the military. I felt like I had no choice.”

“We always have a choice,” he leaned his back to see whatever had your attention draw above you.

“Either fight the titans or get eaten alive when they attack the walls?” you snorted. “What a hard decision to make.”

“Why’d you join the Survey Corps?” he asked once again.

“I didn’t want my family’s death to be in vain. I had cousins, aunts and uncles in Shiganshina.”

“What about your death?”

“I hope it’ll mean something,” you breathed, feeling your chest get tight. “I hope this all will mean something.”

Levi looked at you then, a glimmer of something you couldn’t identify in his eyes, “You sound like Erwin when you talk like that.”

You made eye contact, a small smile on your lips, “The Commander’s an amazing man. I’m going to take that as a compliment.”

Levi scoffed, “Take it as you will.”

“What else could I do? I’m trying so hard to make a difference, to make life easier for others so they don’t have to suffer this fate. Isn’t that why we all joined the Survey Corps?” you continued your train of thought. “Maybe we all have a death wish. Fuck, I know I have one. It all just fucking hurts, Captain. I can’t help but think of others all the time, of all the loss and the grief they've gone through, what I’ve been through. At what will keep happening until all the titans are gone for good.”

“Why the sky?” he changed the subject, seemingly bored of your repetitive narrative.

“Because there’s no titans up there,” you joked without humor. “There’s no walls, no boundaries, no rules. It’s never ending. Where are the stars? How does day and night occur? Where does the moon go when the sun’s out? It amazes me, that’s all. Makes me think of how big the world is, of what’s out there besides this.”

“You think too much for a brainless brat,” Levi grumbled, laying on his back and joining you.

“I know,” you chuckled, turning your body to face him. “Wish I could turn off all my thoughts, it would probably make life a whole lot more livable.”

He hummed, eyes drawn in to your face, “I understand. What you said earlier, too, about finding comfort in others.”

“What do you mean?” you propped your head on your hand and you positioned your elbow to support you.

“I guess I never thought about it before tonight,” he blinked, expression unreadable. “Life as a soldier isn’t a comforting one. I guess that’s what I was trying to tell you about.”

You read between the lines of his words, recognizing it as his form of an apology, “I know. But it’s still the life I chose. At least I’m trying to make a difference, we all are.”

“Y’know, I’ve been paying attention to you for some time now. I didn’t understand when Erwin came to me and told me you had asked to be put on my squad. I took a look in your file, and I saw you after the attack on Trost, and I still didn’t understand,” Levi spoke slowly. “I don’t think I get you at all, even now.”

“I don’t think I understand myself,” you laughed dryly, returning your attention to the sky.

“You should get some sleep, cadet,” he advised softly, pushing himself off the ground. “And for fuck’s sake do it soon, I won’t be taking care of your ass if you get a cold.”

Levi stalked off before you could utter a response. You sighed, and decided his words were wise enough to follow. A few moments after your captain had left you, you followed his pathway back to the entrance of the former headquarters. You entered, making a hasty retreat back to your room where Christa was still knocked out cold.

Under your covers, you replayed your conversations with Levi. You still couldn’t figure out why he had questioned you like he had, why he even cared in the first place. Maybe it was his own gnawing curiosity, trying to understand why some random twenty-something year old girl insisted on being in his squad like you had. Maybe, you thought egotistically, you had your own reputation. You inwardly snorted, probably not.

Images of your captain under the moonlight played beneath your eyelids as you finally managed to drift off into a dreamless sleep.

The mission had gone horribly wrong. At least for you, to be honest you had no idea where the rest of your comrades were as you raced on your horse, desperately searching the sky for flares. You hadn’t seen a single one in a while now, at least ten minutes, and your heart was thudding hard as thoughts that the entire fleet of soldiers you had joined had been decimated. You were completely alone, the walls distant behind you. All you knew is that you couldn’t stop, couldn’t turn around or else you’d really be lost.

The 104th had stayed behind at the former headquarters, this having been a smaller expedition to clear out some titans before the planned 57th expedition in a few weeks. Levi, Oluo, Petra, and Gunther, as well as a few other squads accompanying you, were in a near perfect formation when an abnormal titan had broken through, killing a few unnamed soldiers at your side that you had never met before today.

In the far left distance, you could see a large forest full of trees. Your jaw slacked open, relief running through your veins when you caught sight of some men on horses heading that direction. Green flares shot up high in the sky, and you pulled the reins of your mare to follow. Your plan was brought to a screeching halt though, as you heard the thunderous footsteps shake your horse, and your body. You threw a glance behind your shoulder, a ten meter titan running straight towards you. You reached to your side quickly, shooting a red flare above you to warn any close by comrades.

The titan was gaining speed, about a dozen yards now behind you. You really wanted to avoid confrontation was much as possible, but as those yards closed between you and the titan, you growled and prepared yourself. You gave your horse a soft pat on her neck, and heaved yourself to stand on the saddle. You gaged your surroundings, seeing complete flat plains all around you, not an ideal situation for fighting at all.

Your odm gear shot you straight to the titan’s legs, a plan instilled in your head on the best way to take it down. It was fairly thin and muscular, but you decided it was just a plain titan as it dumbly stared at you with its wicked grin. Your dual blades locked in your hands now, you swung behind the titan and sliced through its ankles. The ten meter fell swiftly, giving you the perfect opportunity to land on its nape and kill it. It stilled completely beneath you after your swift cuts, and you ran as fast as your body willed you to rejoin your mare.

You placed your fingers to your lips, whistling as loud as you could. Your horse, at least 100 feet away, perked its ears and turned at a rapid speed straight back to you. She neighed as she reached your form, and you hauled yourself back on her saddle, kicking your legs for her to break into a full gallop to where the green flares still lingered in the air.

You didn’t bother to signal another flare in the air, seeing no other flares around you. As you neared closer to the forest, you felt incredibly relieved at the sight of your squad, now able to make out their faces. Petra waved her hands high in the air, about 20 feet away now. You saw Oluo, Gunther, and Levi, unharmed, as you got closer, bringing your horse down to a slightly slower gait, seeing no titans around.

“Are you okay?” Petra shouted at you once you reached the group. “Are you hurt?”

“No, I’m okay!” you spoke as fast as you could. “The other cadets I was with were killed by an abnormal, I got split up from them.”

“What was that red flare?” Oluo questioned, worry riddled in his eyes.

“It’s fine, I killed it,” you breathed shakily. “Where are the others?”

“Retreating back to the walls,” Levi answered, voice hard and commanding. “We’re out of blades, and there've been too many casualties. The others have the deceased’s bodies.”

You and your squad nodded, and with no further delay, you broke your horses into a full sprint back to the walls. The sun hung low in the sky, sunset merely a few hours away. Now in a formation in the clear open plains, you noticed out of the corner of your eye some movement.

“Abnormal titan to the right!” you screamed, turning your head to watch the titan’s arms flail, running in an irregular pattern.

“Holy fuck,” Gunther’s eyes widened in horror, shooting a black flare into the sky. “That’s got to be a 15 meter!”

“Don’t engage!” Levi barked, eyes trained straight ahead at the walls. “Keep an eye on it!”

“Sir!” the four of you quipped.

It seemed the abnormal titan had other plans as it caught sight of the five of you, its pace changing with intentions.

“It’s heading straight towards us!” Petra called out, flickering her eyes between the running titan and your captain. “Orders, Captain?”

Levi kept silent, much to your horrors. It was only a few yards away now, speed not slowing. Levi’s attention was completely ahead, the walls almost in full view. You were so close, not close enough though and the abnormal titan’s legs moved faster.

“Captain Levi!” Oluo shouted, eyebrows shot into his hairline.

The titan was less than three yards away when Levi finally spoke, “Petra, Oluo, make it fast!”

You shot off your horse before Levi’s lips opened, his commands unheard by you. Your odm ropes attached right into the titan’s ankles, just like how you had done before. There’s a reason they called it an abnormal titan though you discovered as its fingers closed around the wiring of your gear, yanking the ropes out of its skin and hauling your body up.

You squirmed, mashing your buttons desperately to get your hooks out of its fist as you were brought to the titan’s mouth. It was an ugly son of a bitch, teeth on full display in its evil smile. You couldn’t believe how badly you had fucked up again, the titan’s other hand gaining momentum as it lifted to wrap its disgusting meaty fingers around you. You watched as the fingers were sliced off before they could reach you, and suddenly you were free falling as the hand holding your odm ropes fell from its arm. You redirected yourself back to its ankles, back to your original plan of taking out the nerves to allow the titan to fall, your nerves entirely shot, your adrenaline in full control.

Levi had both his swords drawn as he met you at the back of the 15 meter’s legs, “Are you trying to get yourself fucking killed? You should’ve let the others handle it!”

“I thought I had it, Captain!” you curtly shouted, cutting through the tendons and getting sprayed with steaming blood. The titan did not falter though, but thankfully you and Levi had created a useful diversion as Petra, and Oluo took out the titan’s nape. You and your group shot back to your horses as the titan fell from its height, dead on impact.

The opening of the gate of Wall Rose was a fucking blessing, and your squad couldn’t have ran through it any faster. You heard the roaring of the gate as it closed behind you, and you were choking on shallow breaths as you slowed your mare’s gait.

None of you spoke a single word as you returned to the former headquarters, exhausted after the adrenaline of your mission wore off. You returned your horses to the stables, where feed and water awaited them. Your squad practically ran off, and you were confused until you saw the pissed off look of your superior aimed directly at you. Gulping down spit, you turned on your heel, ready to take off.

Levi’s arm shot out around your bicep, harshly tugging you to stop your escape, “Are you a fucking idiot, cadet? What the fuck were you thinking?”

“I thought I could take out the titan by its ankles!” you defended quickly, gritting your teeth as his fingers dug into your clothed arm. “It’s how I took out the other titan I killed, Captain!”

“You better learn quickly that all titans are not the same! Or did you not learn that in training?” Levi growled out between clenched teeth.

“I thought I could take it out,” you grumbled, ripping your arm out of his grip.

“You betrayed my orders. You listen to me and my commands, cadet,” he spat out, his eyebrows furrowed, his eyes burning holes into yours. “Remember your place.”

You pivoted yourself away from your captain, trotting ahead to head inside the headquarters, voice laced with malice as you grumbled, “I’ll do as I see fit.”

This would be the second time Levi hadn’t dismissed you before leaving him behind, you realized as you arrived at the communal bathroom. You sighed heavily, leaning back against the closed door, completely alone. Thankfully, it was very late in the evening, and if your comrades weren’t in bed already, they would be heading to sleep soon. You were so relieved to get some much needed alone time, especially now that you had such a terrible day.

You changed out of your blood soaked uniform, not bothering to fold it as you laid the clothes on the floor. Stark naked, you began to fill the bathtub basin with running water, a very rare luxury due to the previous care when the headquarters was up and running. With the porcelain half filled, the water steaming, you sunk your aching body into the scalding bath. The water turned a deep pink as you scrubbed your skin with a rag that had been resting over the rim. You untied your hair and dipped your head back, threading your fingers through your knots after generously coating the strands with soap. You drained the dirty water, refilling it back up now that most of the dirt and blood had been washed away. The tub held a pastel pink hue now, but you felt much cleaner and you sunk back in the tub, stretching out as much as you could.

You didn’t dare close your eyes for too long, picturing the events of today. You didn’t try to reflect on the lives that had been lost on today’s mission, the strangers you never had the pleasure, or perhaps displeasure, of getting to know. It made it easier in a sense to forget, to keep pushing forward. Still, the gore and the cruelty of what being a part of the scouts was truly about haunted the corners of your mind as you absentmindedly rubbed soap along your limbs. Maybe you were trying to wash away these memories, too.

Half an hour later, you decided it was time to dry off and get into comfortable clothing as the water cooled and your skin had pruned. You unplugged the drain, standing and reaching for a towel. Wrapping the fabric around your chest, you stepped out of the tub, feet leaving wet prints on the floor as you treaded to your bedroom, soiled clothes in hand.

An oversized white long sleeve hung off your frame, accompanied by your favorite cotton shorts as you sat on your bed, completely alone. Christa had briefly mentioned before your mission this morning that she’d be spending the night with Ymir, to which you were inwardly grateful for the promise of solidarity. As you sat hunched over, you found yourself longing for the comforting presence of someone, anyone, to distract you from the images that plagued your mind, no matter how hard you tried to push them away.

You jerked with a start as you pictured the angry face of your captain, feeling immense guilt pool in your gut. You had never spoken so much with Levi before yesterday, realizing the weight of your words and actions, reckless and undermining his authority. Maybe you owed him an apology, for if nothing else to at least calm your mind enough for sleep.

You didn’t remember the walk when you had arrived outside the captain’s door, or could recall if you had knocked before it swung open, revealing Levi’s surprised expression.

“I’m sorry,” you blurted out, nervously tugging at your sleeves as you avoided eye contact. “I’ve been disrespectful, Captain, and I’m sorry.”

“Cadet,” his teeth clenched tightly. “Do you understand what time it is?”

“I couldn’t sleep,” you whimpered, legs ready for a moment's notice of a retreat. “I’m sorry, I’ll leave—“

Levi’s hand shot out to circle your wrist, and you finally looked up into his charcoal eyes, “Don’t, come in.”

You couldn’t protest as you guided you into his room, shutting the door behind you after you passed the entry. Levi was dressed casually, beige cotton shirt hanging off his torso, plain grey pants on his lower half. The bags under his eyes told you he had also not been able to fall asleep. He led you to sit on his neatly made bed, towering over you with his arms tightly crossed.

“I was on my way to check on you.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, “What?”

“You didn’t knock,” Levi clarified, looking anywhere but at you. “I was already at the door. You’d seen a lot today. I don’t need my soldiers having breakdowns after every mission.”

He was worried about you, your breath halted in your throat.

“Oh,” you dumbly said.

“Seems like you did me a favor by coming here,” he mused, sighing as he ran a hand through his bangs. “Why can’t you sleep?”

“Thinking, again, about everything,” you crossed your thighs, body language signally how uncomfortable you were upon talking about these feelings.

“Your brain is going to cause you more grief if you don’t stop,” Levi’s spare hand grasped your chin gently, bringing your head up so you could look him in the eyes. “Why do you insist on being alone with these thoughts?”

“Captain, weren’t you just saying it’s a bad idea to have friends?” you could feel the pounding of your heart in your chest at his gesture, unsure of his intentions.

“Weren't you just talking about finding comfort in others?” Levi leaned down, you felt his breath against your lips as he spoke. “I’ve been paying attention to you for awhile, cadet.”

“You looked in my file, you told me already,” you whispered, unsure that if you spoke at full volume your voice wouldn’t quiver.

“No, I’ve been watching you. You’re not exactly quiet when you sneak out at night, y’know. I’ve seen you,” he hesitated briefly before continuing. “I’ve watched you cry all alone, how you try to distance yourself from the others. I was testing you yesterday, brat. I think I understand now, though.”

Your captain crouched down to meet you at eye level, fingertips never straying from your chin, and you felt your lip quiver as he rasped, “I understand, because I get it. You’ve always felt alone, haven't you?”

You nodded, scared to voice the truth, he continued, “I’m not going to explain myself to you, and if I hear a single word spoken about any of our conversations, I will personally sign your extermination paperwork. You’re different, you’re not like the others. You know what grief is, what pain and loss feels like. Your mission, your goals, it keeps driving you forward. Who couldn’t notice that?”

Levi scoffed, and you managed out a tiny, “Captain Levi.”

“Yes?”

“Why are you telling me this?” you could feel the harsh prick of tears try to escape your eyes, blinking furiously to not allow them to fall.

“Because,” he brushed back your hair behind your ear with his spare hand. “We’re exactly the same, and I can’t allow you to continue living like this, knowing where you’ll end up. Are you a virgin, cadet?”

“Yes,” you stuttered, thoroughly embarrassed.

“I am too,” Levi confessed, his eyes baring his soul. “I’m in my thirties, and I’ve never taken a woman to bed. All because of my mission.”

“My parents raised me to save myself for marriage,” your lips hung open. “But, they’re dead now, and I’ll probably never be married.”

“Cadet?” Levi’s hand came up from your chin to rest his palm against your cheek. “You talk about choices, you told me about how you never followed the path set for you. Why don’t you allow yourself some peace, some comfort? If not for yourself, for others, for your fellow comrades?”

“Are you asking to fuck me, sir?” your body felt heavy, uncomfortably numb but you couldn’t will yourself to move an inch, your mind was frazzled.

“I’m asking for permission to comfort you, both of us. I’m tired of being alone, aren’t you?” his face had fallen completely, and you were in awe of how open and raw Levi was.

You didn’t answer him, instead pushing his hands off of your face to capture his cheeks in your own hands, forcing your lips together. Fuck the world, fuck the titans, fuck every single thing that dared to bother you and your existence. You were tired, tired of denying yourself pleasures and comfort and basic human interaction. Who cared if you all died? Would it be for naught that you had never gotten to know your comrades? What would be the point in dying for your military if you didn’t have a motivation, a passion driving you? You were so fucking lonely, and Levi was too as he crashed his lips against yours, wrapping his long arms around your back to hold you closer.

You felt the older ravenette pull away for a moment, tugging his shirt over his head to reveal his scarred and muscular chest. You ran your fingers over his middle slowly, taking in every dip and every flex of his body. Levi was beautiful, and you felt honored that you were here in this moment, with a man who had heard more of your thoughts and feelings than any person before. He stopped your hands as they came to his pecks, pushing your arms high to remove your own shirt.

Your nipples hardened meeting the cold air, exposed now in the dim candle light. You didn’t dare cover yourself, nor did Levi let you get the chance. His hands were all over your chest within an instant, caressing and groping as his lips met yours once again. You hadn’t bothered to tell Levi that he was your first kiss, the first man to see you naked, the first man who had shown genuine interest in you and your body. Maybe you’d tell him later, but for now, you just wanted to quell the thoughts swarming your mind.

You stood quickly, maneuvering your lips to the side of his exposed neck. Your kisses were sweet, innocent and pure as Levi began to pull your shorts off, your panties accompanying the fabric. You kicked out of them as Levi grabbed the back of your head, groaning as he slammed your mouths together once more in an open kiss.

Your hands were everywhere on his skin, trying desperately to remember every single detail, knowing that this would most likely be a one time thing. You knew the risks of becoming entangled in a romantic relationship in the military, more so the scouts. Levi or you, or anyone, could die at any moment. This only motivated you further in your desire, ripping down his pants, mildly surprised to see your captain not wearing any underpants.

Levi breathily mumbled as he grasped your waist and led you flat on your back atop his bed, “I thought you were dead today.”

“I’m not, and neither are you,” you hushed his spoken thoughts with another passionate kiss. He tasted minty from his tea, smelled of woodsy musk from his obvious earlier shower, his touch so soft as he grazed your body up and down.

You felt his knees between your legs as he loomed over you, pushing apart your thighs at the force. His right hand stroked your cheek as his tongue prodded past your willing lips, swollen from his attention. His left hand ventured south, resting upon the curve of your hip, digging his fingers to feel the supple flesh.

“You’re quite beautiful, y’know,” he mirrored your earlier ministrations, placing sloppy kisses down your jaw and neck. “One of the reasons I was so fascinated by you, I couldn’t understand how you weren’t married.”

“Maybe in another life,” you simply put, attention drawn to how sinful his lips felt against your flushed skin. He sucked on a particularly sensitive spot, and a whimper left your lips at the contact. You could feel your center slicken, cold air consuming all of your exposed skin. Levi’s hand dared closer and closer to your desire, and you made out the distinguished poke of his manhood against your lower stomach.

When his fingertips nudged against your folds, Levi let out a groan of pleasure, “You’re so wet, cadet. I’ve barely touched you.”

“Captain, I need this,” you begged, your hands wrapping around his neck to pull him flush against you. “Please, distract me, make me forget.”

Levi felt no need to answer your pleads, instead allowing his fingers to familiarize himself with your most intimate of parts. His eyes stayed trained on yours, taking in every expression you made, one catching his focus immediately as his pointer finger circled the top of your folds. It felt like a button, and you started moaning desperately as he continued his circling.

“Feels good?” your captain asked, insecurity in the back of his mind.

“Yes,” you took your right hand away from Levi’s neck, grabbing his wrist that was in between your legs, dipping his fingers to your dripping entrance. “Need you here.”

He plunged his pointer and middle fingers in, and your velveteen walls clenched around him. You had pleasured yourself many times just like this, but the heightened pleasure of someone else’s knuckles deep inside you was incredible. No one had ever touched you like this before, looked at you so lovingly and so lustfully. His fingers scissored inside you, and you knew your patience would soon snap.

When Levi’s fingers curled upwards, you thought you were going to pass out. Your eyes screwed shut as loud mewls left your lips, Levi’s free hand covering your mouth. Your hips bucked upwards in his touch, hips rolling fast as your clit caught the fat of his palm. You could feel the familiar bubble of your climax, threatening to spill over as you arched your back.

Levi pulled his fingers from your weeping cunt then, so agonizingly slowly, “No, cadet. Not yet.”

You whined, pressure settling down in your abdomen as Levi took his soaking hand to his hard cock. You couldn’t believe that you hadn’t paid attention to his girth before, he was gorgeous. All the hard work and all the violence had sculpted your captain as if he were a statue. His length stood at full attention, pressed against his belly, his balls hanging in the free space between his thick thighs. You moaned at the sight of Levi stroking himself, seeing the glisten of your arousal coat him. He let out a strangled groan, before letting himself go, falling unceremoniously to capture your lips once again.

“You ready?” Levi asked permission, his kiss so sweet and tender, and you realized then the weight of all of this. You were about to lose your virginities to each other, he would forever hold a mark on you.

You smiled, so full of adoration, there wasn’t anyone else you’d rather be with right now as you spoke, “Yes, sir.”

Levi gripped the base of his dick, bumping the engorged head against your sensitive clit and through your folds as he coated himself more in your essence. You both knew this was going to hurt you, and had either of you not been in such a hurry, you’d take the time to mutually pleasure each other until your bodies were truly ready for this intimate act. There were no coherent thoughts in this moment, only pure passion and animalistic desire.

His tip sunk in, and you felt like you were going to be split in half. Your hands shot up to his arms, nails leaving half crescents on his biceps, your ankles hooking together on his ass as you tensed up at the pain.

“Relax,” he kissed your jaw with a groan. “Gonna’ take care of you.”

You nodded, focusing on his words instead of the pain. Your pelvic floor relaxed, and Levi was able to push himself deeper into your cavern.

“There’s no blood?” Levi questioned you curiously as he glanced down to where your bodies met, not moving even a centimeter to allow you to adjust.

The pain was quickly fading as you mumbled, “Probably broke my hymen on a goddamn horse.”

You both let out a breathy laugh, and Levi’s right hand came to stroke your cheek, pushing back your hair out of your face, “I’ll have to kill that horse then.”

You were rattling your brain for a witty response to your captain when Levi shifted, stroking his length backwards as your walls fluttered around him. Your face was no longer scrunched in pain, your eyebrows unfurrowed and your mouth hung open, feeling nothing but pleasure as his left hand shot to your pulsing pussy, thumbing your clit with the lightest of touches.

“Captain,” you stuttered, eyes rolling to the back of your head. “Feels good.”

“Yeah,” he pushed his forehead to yours, his own eyes closing as he pushed his cock back into your depths, so slowly.

You placed a gentle kiss to his lips for a brief moment, neck craning off the pillow under your head. You felt a cramp as he kissed you back, so gently and so softly. You moved your mouth to his jaw, peppering kisses along any exposed skin you reach.

His right hand stayed positioned to your face, his grey colored orbs opened, focusing on your face. You looked up then, and felt your heart hammering in your chest. Levi was so handsome, his eyebrows furrowed, eyes softened without the weight of reality crashing down on him.

“I’m glad it’s you,” your arms were still wrapped around his neck as you rubbed soft circles along the ridge of his undercut. His hips held such a passionate, steady rhythm as he continued plunging into you.

Levi didn’t respond, his hand angling your face to his again. Although unspoken, you could see in his face that he appreciated your words, his thrusts faster in pace now. You couldn’t stop the moans from exiting your throat, volume increasing as his thumb worked you with more pressure. He swallowed your noises with his lips, not even kissing, the two of you just breathing into one another’s mouth.

Suddenly the distance wasn’t close enough, Levi’s hand left the curve of your cheek to wrap his arm around the middle of your back, forcing your body completely against his sweating one. His lips began to work against yours, sloppy and messy as you kissed the man back with the same fever.

Levi’s pace was solid, deep and without error. Your hips tried desperately to meet his thrusts, his wrist in between your centers blocking you from doing so. Your captain didn’t even so much as warn you to stop, his thumb rolling faster against your now swollen clit, that same heat in your stomach rebuilding rapidly. The two of you were so lost in each other, your arms leaving his neck to wrap around his shoulders and forcing his head down to your neck where he lapped and peppered kisses to conceal his own moans. You did the same, lips attached to the curve where his muscular shoulder met his neck.

His touch was unrelenting, but you felt the unmistakable shutter as he plunged right to your cervix, goosebumps rising on his skin under your fingertips. You let out a muffled moan, your nails clawing at his back, your legs somehow tighter around his backside.

Levi’s thumb rubbed harder, so much faster now than his thrusts. Your pussy was fluttering rapidly now, clenching and unclenching around his girth, you were so close. You had a feeling your captain was as well, his pace increasing even faster.

“I’m cumming,” you pulled away from his shoulder to warn Levi, sucking the sensitive area of his neck.

Levi moaned in pleasure, bucking his hips hard into you, and this was what sent you over the edge. Levi couldn’t move even if he wanted to as your cunt gripped him so tightly, contracting so hard around his length. You could hear a string of curses and ‘ah’s from his lips as your hips bucked wildly into his hand, rubbing your clit along his stilled thumb. You’d had plenty of self given orgasms before, but feeling completely filled as your walls fluttered around something was a pleasure you knew you’d be seeking again.

Your teeth were sunk into his neck, and Levi was finally able to continue his strokes as your orgasm slowed, your body limping. His thumb started once more, and you were whimpering at the overstimulation, your contractions not even done. He was pounding into you now, growling into your neck, you could feel the sharp clench of his jaw dig into your shoulder. It didn’t take you more than a minute to build up another orgasm, and as the new waves of pleasure slammed into you, Levi was pulling out.

You came around nothing as Levi rutted into your stomach, feeling the smear of hot cum rub against your middles. He was bucking desperately, moaning and whimpering. The sounds he made paired with the nonstop movement of his thumb only heightened your pleasure, your left hand coming to caress the back of his head.

He removed his touch from you, taking his dripping hand to your waist as his thrusts against your stomach slowed. It crawled under your back to meet his other arm, and he placed sensual, slow kisses to your neck. You did the same, thanking him non verbally. His head lifted, eyes half lidded as he placed his lips to yours, locking them in a saccharine embrace. He pulled away after a few moments, sliding off of your sticky body and out of the bed. Your arms fell to your sides, and he slipped his pants on, avoiding the area of his lower stomach where his cum was drying quickly. He rushed to his dresser, pulling out a handkerchief and wiping himself down quickly, returning back to your body to clean your middle as well.

“You’ll probably need to shower,” Levi broke the silence as he pulled the rag away, his empty hand roaming the curve of your side.

“Probably,” you mumbled in bliss, enjoying his light touch. “I’ll get up in just a minute.”

“You could stay,” Levi offered awkwardly, halting his movements.

“It’s okay, I think I want to be alone,” you smiled, your brain foggy. “Also don’t need rumors to start up if anyone sees me leaving your room in the morning.”

Levi only hummed as you pulled your naked body to a full stand, reaching for your discarded clothes. You pulled your long sleeve over your head first, the edges brushing against the tops of your thighs, stepping into your panties and shorts quickly. The silence was almost overwhelming, neither of you sure of what exactly to say.

“Captain Levi,” you finally spoke, ready to depart. “Thank you.”

He grabbed your wrist, pulling your body to his with no real force, kissing you passionately. You kissed him back hungrily, and had you been more experienced, you would’ve felt the flicker of sparks deep within your stomach, a signal of unconscious feelings sprouting within you.

You pulled away from him, a smile playing at your lips as he spoke raspily, “You know where to go if you don’t want to be alone.”

You threaded your fingers through his open palm, bringing his knuckles to your lips as you placed a soft peck to the back of his hand, “I will, Captain. Goodnight.”

The heat of the sun beat harshly on your back, your body in a full ache as you dodged a punch from Eren. You went to lift your leg into a kick, a yelp leaving your lips at the feeling that you were going to rip in half, and quickly shifted your hips to plan a new attack. Thankfully, your fake out worked, seeing Eren prepare himself for your leg, not for your first to go flying into his gut.

With a loud groan of pain, Eren laid flat on his back in the dirt. Your chests heaved, sweat dripping down your skin, and you extended your palm to the younger boy. You had won this spar, and Eren huffed as he smacked his hand away playfully.

“I had you last time! I can’t believe I lost again!” he complained, eyebrows furrowed as he screwed his eyes shut in a fit.

You laughed then, crossing your arms over your chest, “You got lucky, Jaeger.”

Around the two of you, all the cadets were still in their own sparring matches. Even in your weary state, you had been the first match finished, and you feel a swell of pride. You were getting stronger, more fit to survive the harsh reality of this world.

“Cadets,” Captain Levi made himself known then, stepping forward from the row of squad leaders, unbeknownst to you and Eren he had been watching with a trained eye the entire fight.

“Captain!” you saluted, Eren lazily following along silently.

Levi’s eyes lingered over you for a minute, before shifting his attention to Eren before scoffing, “Pathetic, Jaeger. You need to work on your form.”

You tried desperately to hide a smirk, eyes lit up in amusement as Eren frowned deeply, sighing, trying not to lash out on your superior. Levi continued, “Cadet, good job.”

“Thank you, Captain,” you smiled brightly, now trying to conceal the oncoming heat of your blush flaming up your neck, licking the tips of your ears.

“However, never let your guard down after you think you’ve won.”

The sound of your skull cracking into the ground beneath you sent your vision in a dizzy frenzy. Levi hovered over you, and you could make out the lingering feeling of his boot hitting your stomach, causing you to lay flat on your back. The sun was high in the sky today, not a single cloud in view or whisk of wind felt.

“Ow,” you heaved, bringing yourself into a seated position, hunched over. “What was that for?”

“You can’t always predict what a titan’s next move is going to be,” Levi cooly explained, crouching down to meet your eye level. “This is how you fucked up, both times, with an abnormal. You have to pay attention. You can’t let yourself get caught up in a victory. Understood, brat?”

You nodded, feeling your ears grow hot as multiple sets of eyes watched on in curiosity, “Yes, sir.”

“I’ll see you in my office after dinner for your punishment,” his eyes twinkled, a hint of a smirk on the corner of his lips. “Cockiness is not befitting for a brat like you.”

You groaned, biting your tongue to hold back words you knew would come across as disrespectful. You didn’t see what you did to deserve a punishment, but you huffed as Levi strolled away, yelling at Eren about something. Probably about his smirk when he watched you fall on your ass.

Turns out your punishment was anything but, instead a much rougher fucking left your body nearly in shambles. This became a routine, instead of traveling outside to stare at the stars and lose yourself in your thoughts, Levi’s body became your comfort, your relief. He felt the same, pouring his loneliness into your willing body as he claimed you night after night, week after week.

He’d tell you sometimes in the afterglow of your orgasms that this was strengthening the squad, this was for the betterment of the scouts. Because what better way was there to build trust? You’d listen half heartedly, knowing this was all an excuse to rationalize why you continued seeking each other’s comfort.

Levi was soon fiercely protective of you, and you unconsciously him. This was reinforced after the 57th expedition failed horribly, the faces of your deceased squad members haunting your dreams every night. Levi would hold you as you sobbed through the nightmares. It hurt, so fucking much. Levi would whisper to you that you just had to keep moving forward. You would nod your head and listen. Your captain knew best, and you were finding it harder every passing day to pretend that he didn’t.

You didn’t try to make sense of your relationship, just letting it exist. Some days you’d push him away, others you’d pull the ravenette closer to your body. Caught between wanting to leave the man you’d realized you’d fallen in love with, or go into hiding away from the military with Levi and marry the son of a bitch. You liked to think he felt the same, his words few, but his acts spoke volumes of his feelings.

And when you laid limp on the battlefield, titan corpses steaming around you, your breaths shallow as your tired body began to prepare to shut down, you smiled. Everything all at once came flooding to you as you stared up at the sky, completely alone.

You blinked at the clouds, painted so pretty in pinks and oranges at the setting sun. You could hear your name being screamed somewhere in the distance, the voice vaguely familiar. You felt relief wash over you as the large open wound on your stomach gushed an unbelievable amount of blood. Full of shock, your adrenaline keeping your pain at bay, you thought humorously that you had no idea you had that much blood running through your body.

Raven hair and charcoal eyes entered your hazy vision, and you kept that smile on your face. Your fingers reached up, reaching Levi’s soaking cheek, not being able to tell if it was because of blood, or tears. You smoothed your thumb under his eye, and you were being lifted. You couldn’t hear his words, only the dullness of sound as the world continued to slow around you.

You stared at the clouds, completely at peace. You had conquered your biggest fear, growing close to another, just to lose them. Images of Levi flashes before your eyes, his stoic expression, his commanding leadership, his sensual caresses, his passionate kisses as he poured all of his feelings out for you. You loved him, you realized. You were so happy that you got to experience this in this lifetime.

The colors of the sky blurred together, and you could feel the wind whisk around you as Levi shot off on his odm gear. You were finally flying in the clouds.

#tw: blood #tw: death #tw: talk of death #tw: dying #tw: violence #tw: angst #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi x y/n #levi smut #levi ackerman smut #aot fanfiction #snk fanfiction #levi fanfiction #levi #levi ackerman #tw: dark themes

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serumandsteel · 3 years ago

Text

the way we heal | jj maybank

- pairings: jj maybank x reader

- summary: people deal with trauma in different ways but it seems that jj thinks you don't care about the loss of your friends and deep down himself but he just needs to understand that people heal in their own time and through their own meanings, he just needed to be reassured of it. kinda pre season 2 ep 1 give ot take

- warning(s): really motherfucking angsty and swearing. mention of substance abuse

- wc: 2.2k :))))

a/n: all my fics the pogues and reader are the age 17/18 only because that's more comfortable for me to write. its been a long long time since i have wrote something so sorry for and spelling errors

People tend to deal with trauma differently. It could be resulting to crying you eyes out until you can’t breath and you can’t see through your tears clouding your eyes. Drinking until your liver wants to shut down and you whole body is so numb that yourself and everyone around you is so tuned out that you can’t function. Resulting to drugs to either feel something or not to feel anything at all. Or to have something to blame your actions on from yourself acting out simply because you don’t know how to handle the situation of a friend dying.

See you on the other hand dealt with it internally or the whim and feeling of not accepting death. Maybe it was your subconscious talking wanting you not to accept or maybe it was the gut feeling that you always got telling you that they were actually alive and have survived that storm that ‘supposedly’ had swept them away because “no body was found”.

This ‘gut feeling’ had always been right in many life or death situations. Or even just you picking out an outfit that you were unsure of whether it was going to get the boys attention that you had a crush on. It did indeed get his attention that night because that’s how you ended up loosing your virginity that night but that’s besides the point.

The best way you could describe it was like when people would do personality tests and it would ask “are you controlled by your heart or what you feel” probably not those exact words but you get the point. I felt with my feelings if my gut said yes then it was a yes.

Since the night that John B and Sarah had ‘died’ your gut had been telling you the opposite. That they were in fact not dead. As Big John use to say when you were a kid, you can never kill a Routledge. At the time it seemed like bullshit but now it was starting to grow on you.

However now your two friends were presumed dead and not everyone dealt with trauma like you did. Some would even go as far to say that you didn’t actually give a fuck that your friends were dead because you hadn’t cried or you hadn’t drunk yourself into a state of no return or resulted to smoking weed every single day and spray painted ‘murder’ on Ward Cameron’s estate. But at least Kiara wasn’t lying.

But the thing was you hadn’t cried because you couldn’t, you quite literally hated crying because it made you feel weak. Even if you tried and you tried your hardest but nothing came. At this point you could go as far as denial. This gut feeling was like getting hit by a semi truck every time a thought came into your head questioning maybe they were dead. Maybe they did get swept away at sea and never to return.

Your gut feeling was simply not letting you mourn the loss of John B and Sarah and now everyone thought you were an emotionless bitch. I mean they were right to a point but not the whole point.

So that brought you to current day driving around the Cut and night playing fucking real life Where’s Wally but its Where’s JJ Maybank because he’s blacked out drunk somewhere and now you’re on a rescue mission. Not like you had done enough of those in the last few weeks.

About an hour ago your phone rang and it was JJ asking you to come pick him up since somehow he had now idea where he had ended up and was too far gone to put together his surroundings. Well that’s what you had assumed he said since you had to decipher his slurred words.

At this point you had driven around the whole island and gone to every hid out spot that he would go smoke at or to just get away from everyday life. You had gone to all but one place. Where you avoiding that particular house because it held so many memories, plus the fact you hadn’t been near the place since shit hit rock bottom. Yes? But it was the highest chance that JJ was sitting on that dock with his legs swinging over it with a beer in hand.

Well you were right. As you walked down the old dock to where JJ was sitting it was if you could feel all the emotions, thoughts and disbelief crawling their way up your skin from the ground you were walking on. But that gut feeling was like a wave of fire, burning it all the way back to the ground.

“I don’t know why I just didn’t look here first. I should have known aye” you half heartedly said trying to keep the conversation light since you didn’t know what state JJ was going to be in. From the huff you got in response told you he wasn’t in the mood to talk.

“How much have you had J?” You asked with concern but still trying to keep you voice light and less reprimanding because you knew he was in a too fragile state for you to be angry.

“Does it even matter how much Iv had. I don’t feel shit anymore” he replied back with his words straight forward and sobered.

“Well have you even given yourself a break for your body to sober up for you to even feel the effects of it? Or have you still been going since yesterday when I saw you? J its not going to do shit if you don’t give it a rest for at least a day or so” you said back trying you best to keep you and your voice as calm as possible. You fucking hated seeing JJ like this, you would never say it to his face but fuck it just reminded you of his dad when he got into states like this. Until the last week you had never seen JJ this bad. But could you blame him.

“You just don’t get it do you” JJ was now facing you and by the tone of his voice you had unintentionally struck a nerve that you were actively avoiding. “Why did you even fucking come if you’re just going to tell me how I should cope. Do you even care that JB has gone? He was our best fucking friend. He was my fucking brother my only family! And he’s fucking gone just like his old man. You haven’t even shed a tear y/n. You’re just acting like nothing had happened. Do you even care!” JJ was now on his feet breathing heavily and his jaw so clenched you’re surprised his teeth haven’t broken

“J, please do not yell at me right now” you asked with your voice shaking trying to hold back something that was bubbling at the surface. Was it anger or was it the water works that desperately needed to be let out.

JJ started to walk back up the dock, showing that he was done with this conversation that he could have avoided if he didn’t ask you in the first place to come pick him up. Deep down he knew that you would be the only one to come and get him, he just wasn’t as good at showing his gratefulness due to the alcohol that was numbing him.

“JJ just wait please, please don’t walk away” You stood back up and starting walking after him quick on the backs of his feet. He halted his tracks and turned around to look at you with a pained look in his face, as you got up close you could see his eyes stained red. Either from crying or the linger of weed still in his system.

“What could you possibly want to say y/n. I really thought you would be the last person not to care about this” JJ was now right up in your face and his voice was holding back trying his best not to yell. But that last sentence had taken you back.

“You think I don’t care JJ!” now you starting yelling “of course I give a shit JJ our friends are gone, they are not fucking here. I know it might not seem that I don’t care. But just because I’m not crying my eyes out every hour or drinking myself into a state where I don’t now where the fuck I am or getting high that I spray paint on any wall I see” your breath was now battling to come to the surface because you were talking so fast.

“Just because Im not doing any of those things doesn’t mean I don’t care JJ! People deal with this shit differently and you need to understand that” you breathed out trying to grasp for air again “the thing is JJ I have this annoying gut feeling thats telling me that John B and Sarah are not dead, and its literally preventing me to mourn them. I have convinced myself that they are alive and I can’t fucking mourn non dead people J. I don’t know how to fucking explain it”

“Well why didn’t you just tell us that” he replied after bit letting your whole rant sink into his brain, weaving its way through the alcohol that was clouding it.

“Because JJ! Even saying that out loud I sound fucking crazy, like I’m in a deep pit of denial. The thing is I’m far from denial. Yes I know there is a massive fucking fat chance that they are dead and have been food for the sharks” you exclaimed

“Don’t make it worse y/n” JJ shook his head not very happy with your choice of words

“Okay yeah sorry bad wording. Im sorry” you lowered your head in sorrow wanting to slap yourself in the face for trying to make jokes out of trauma.

“So its not that I don’t care J, trust me I do care. But John B and Sarah are not physically here with us and I cant physically care for them right now. But when we see them can do that”

“Y/n -“ JJ tried to get a word in but you hadn’t finished

“Don’t JJ. We will see them again” you put an emphasis on ‘will’ “I trust my gut and even you know that when I get a gut feeling that it’s always been right. Correct?”

“Yes but -“ he tried to get another word in but you needed him to listen.

“JJ I care about you. I care about Kiara and Pope. You guys are physically here for me to care for. The thing is I haven’t spoken to Kie since she’s with Pope half the time and I have spoken to Pope since he’s with Kid half the time and you? I can’t speak to you because your too far gone in beers to for me to even get a coherent conversation in” This was such an over due conversation to be had, you were now on the verge of hyperventilating. You needed JJ to hear this. Fully sober would have been better but half sober is the best you’re gonna get.

“JJ I understand if that’s how you’re going to deal with all of this but you can’t throw yourself completely away. We need you. I need you JJ. I can’t have you going off the deep end and then we loose you too. You need to be here for when we get John B back. He will need you for when he’s back”. The water works that you had been holding back had finally been released and trust it to be in front of JJ. He was your fucking rock, you couldn’t loose him. No way that would be your last day on earth if that were to happen.

“I-. Im sorry. I’m just so fucking lost y/n. I don’t know what the fuck to do. You’re always at work and Kie and Pope are god knows where. I just want this to go away so fucking bad. All this pain, I feel like I have no one” JJ was now crying to and gripping your waist as is you could float away into the air

“I know JJ, but you have us you have always had us. But you have to be so stubborn sometimes that you won’t let us in and help, you won’t let me in a help you” you had JJ’s face in your hands making him look at you so he knew you meant every single word. “I’m so sorry if you didn’t think I cared and I wasn’t there to help you, I just deal with this shit in a different way. Just like every single other person. We all heal differently and that’s okay. It dosent mean we care less. It doesn’t mean I care less”

Now there you and JJ stand on the dock leading off the chateau both in each others embrace purging the pain that’s both been locked up inside you for so long. The past you and JJ had people really didn’t tend to understand but neither did you. But you would always find your way back to each other at the end of the day. Despite the fights you had in the past and the days you would be at each others throats screaming at each other to the days you would be secretly stealing a glance at him because you just couldn’t help yourself.

You would always be there to help him take the pain away and he was always be there to do the same for you.

#jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank #outerbanks #outerbanks fanfic #obx #outerbanks season 2 #jj maybank imagine

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kenmas-consoles · 3 years ago

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Hello honey! I hope you don't mind me requesting something with this topic but my father told me today that I should kill myself just because I bleached my hair and then that I should care about other's opinion and not my own so can I request how would William react to his s/o saying this to him? If you don't feel comfortable writing this it's fully okay, I understand 🤍 Thank you in advance though 🤍

Pairing: William Moriarty x Reader

Summary: You bleach your hair and your father disapproves and says harsh words that lead you crying and William is there to console you.

Word Count: 1,878

Warning: Mentions of death/ act of suicide

It was never a secret to anyone that being born into a prestigious lineage meant that you had watchful eyes on lock with your every move. Every action you made was like a public statement and it was quite restricting, never being able to act out in the open in fear of public judgement. It has been that way since you were young, (y/n) (l/n) the eldest daughter to a famous business tycoon in England.

Though upon meeting William a few years back right after a business transaction made by your father and William’s eldest brother Albert you had become close friends, and maybe something even more. The time you’ve spent with him made you feel free, free enough to express yourself because you knew he wasn’t one to judge. It was a breath of fresh air, you never had to worry about the public eye whenever you were with him. These days you have a little skip in your step, after gaining the confidence to just be yourself.

You had made a big decision of getting your hair dyed and you were quite jittery upon entering your estate with your newly done hair. The little adrenaline rush of somewhat planned impulsivity of getting it dyed thrilled you though you know that others may have mixed feelings about your new hair. It hadn't mattered to you much since you were sick of playing the perfect daughter role. You knew your parents would have to find out one way or another you just hoped they would be accepting. Besides, it was just hair and it wasn’t that bad. If anything you thought you looked 10x better a blonde.

Still, you made an effort into hiding it for the day and probably dropping the gun and talking about it tomorrow since you were still pretty tired.

Closing the doors silently you enter your room and just as you set out a sigh of relief you hear a clatter and a piercing shriek.

Maggie, your personal maid, was in your room with tea now stained on the carpet floor as she looked at you with wide eyes. Upon realizing it was just you, her young mistress, she had calmed down and rushed towards you. Holding you by the shoulders she inspected you in amazement.

“You- you’re hair!” she exclaimed in excitement, “You’re blonde! How-”

You giggled lightly at her amazement and loss of words and babbling as she held a few locks of your hair in her fingers.

“I’ve had it done earlier,” you said, giving a little spin. “How does it look?”

“Absolutely stunning dear!”

Her response brings a smile to your face.

“What in the heavens?!” A deep male voice exclaimed from behind the door and your smile had grown shaky as you realized that the voice belonged to your father.

You mustered up a smile and took a deep breath before facing him.

“Do you like it?” you asked. “It’s preposterous! outrageous! What were you thinking?! Or did you even think at all?!” “Please calm down it’s just- “Hair?” Pinching the bridge of his nose he turned away from you with a shake of his head. “ You’re being selfish again, why can’t you just listen?”

In a much quieter tone he says “why can't you just get it through your head that your actions greatly affect the family! your brother is months away from getting married and you-

why can't you just think about what others might think and stop with this nonsense.”

Each word brings a pang in your heart as your eyes sting with tears. You couldn’t bring yourself to face him either as you grew small in his presence, self conscious even.

A silence passed and neither of you spoke. The tension in the room was suffocating, your father looked as though he had more to say but he just clicked his tongue before moving towards the door.

“Maggie, please clean up this mess,” your father said without turning back to look at the now scampering maid.

Sparing one last look he sighs and says, “I’m done with this conversation, with you, you can go jump out the balcony for all I care.”

Once the door clicks shut, you fall on your knees. Never before had your father said anything so harsh nor has he raised his voice towards you before. The tears threatening to spill had already made its way down your cheeks and you choked up a sob. All the confidence you had built over the past years felt like it was deteriorating and the only feeling that ate you up was guilt and shame.

Maggie comes back in and rushes towards your side as she sees you crying. “He doesn’t mean that sweetie,” she says all while cooing consoling words and holding your crumpled form.

You couldn’t fall asleep that night, your fathers words replaying like a broken record. Were you selfish? Was it your fault? You couldn’t help but think that and once again the ugly feeling of shame was boiling up within the pits of your stomach.

Watching from your balcony, your father who was talking to the coachman below. Downcast, he hadn’t spoken to you all day. Thinking back to last night where he couldn’t even look at you during family dinner nor even say a word to you during breakfast.

As though you were drilling holes into his head from above he had turned to face your balcony. You stepped back to avoid being seen but you saw him shake his head and then you felt the shame creep up again.

You were frustrated. At your father’s silence, his words, at yourself for letting it get to you so much. It was so really unlike you and you felt tears start to sting at your eyes. You knew your schedule was free today so you had decided to head for the Moriarty manor, your safe haven.

You made your way there without delay, gripping at your skirt as you sped through the streets of London, ignoring the weird stares and whispers of those who had recognised you. Nothing was more important now than getting there, since you were minutes away from breaking down once more.

Upon reaching the manor you were greeted by the familiar face of Louis who was tending to the gardens by the gate. Delighted you made your way towards him. “Louis!” He turned his head and stood with a shocked and bewildered expression as he blinked twice almost as if checking if what he saw was correct. “(y/n)?” he asked and you happily nodded.

“What happened to you, you look like you have been crying?” he asks.

You scratch your head a bit and mention how it was a long story not even denying the fact that he found out you were crying. Louis offers you another understanding smile as he walks with you to the manor telling you he’d go fetch William for you.

“I forgot to mention,” he says as he led you through the long hallways of the manor, “You look beautiful by the way, I’m sure my brother would think so too.”

You in turn blushed in response to his words.

“You can stay in the living room (y/n), I’ll go inform William of your presence now,” he says with a curt nod and a smile.

“Thanks Lou,” you say as you both exchange another set of smiles before he takes his leave.

A few minutes pass and you hear the sound of quick steps, the door of the living room bursting open to reveal none other than William Moriarty with the most agitated expression ever.

His agitation morphed to shock as he took one long look at you and he slowly moved towards the couch you had been sitting on.

One of his rare small smiles grace his face as he takes your hand in his, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand tenderly.

“You look different,” he jests, then takes a lock of your hair between his fingers and rubs them. You both sit in comfortable silence and he takes this time to inspect your face, he notices the little circles around your eyes and how puffy they look not to mention your slightly rosey tipped nose. It wouldn’t take a detective to know you had been crying.

He looks at you expectantly and you take it as a sign to start spilling the beans. You tell him of how you had dyed your hair the other day to sneaking into the family manor that night uptil how your father had scolded you for your actions.

William just sat there with his hand in yours, staring at you lovingly as you replayed the story. Squeezing your hands ever so lightly when you had told him that your father had told you to kill yourself. He was appalled with your father to say the least, you the most brilliant person he had met and someone had the audacity to say such hurtful things to.

As you move your arms around animatedly to show your frustrations he found them rather cute and amusing, another smile moves up to his face. You were too caught up in retelling the story to notice him bring his hands to your chin. He moves your chin to face him and this action silences you.

Smiling at you once more he moves the hand holding your chin to caress your face. “Listen,it's true you have to consider others' opinions but that's just the tip of the iceberg, think about it... do we have more confidence in their opinions than we do our own? self-care is never a selfish act.”

You sigh, taking his hand that was on your face in your own, “It’s different when those people are your family. I don’t know how I could go back and face th-” “You don’t have to go back,” he grumbles under his breath but enough for you to hear.

“...then where would I go?”

“Simple,” he says with a compelling dangerous glint in his crimson eyes. “You are of age now, stay with me. I will marry you.”

Your eyes widened in surprise and awkwardly laughed it off thinking it was another one of Williams jokes but the look in his eye told you that he was dead serious. Your cheeks then set aflame as numerous butterflies crashed around your stomach and chest.

“I know it is much too early for a proposal but I promise to love and cherish you for as long as my heart keeps beating,” He then stands and extends a hand for you to take, almost a silent sign of asking you to accept. And once you do slip your hand in his he holds you by the waist for an embrace and whispers in your ear.

“Besides, I think you look lovely as a blonde.”

This comment leaves you in a fit of giggles. William James Moriarty will always continue to be your safe haven, a pillar of support.

Hey there angel I hope you’re feeling alright please remember that you cant let others decide your self worth for you so try not to let huetful comments let you down. I’m pretty sure you look amazing and hopefully your father will come around with getting used to seeing your hair that way. I hope this story was to your liking as well have some moriarty love!

Also I pretty much crammed this cause I only saw the request today and aaaaaaa im sorry anywayz hope you like it again sweetie!!

#moriarty x reader #patriot moriarty #patriot moriarty x reader #yukoku no moriarty #william james moriarty #william james moriarty x reader #william moriarty x reader #louis moriarty #albert moriarty #yuukoku no moriarty x reader #yuukoku no moriarty #yuukoku no moriaty headcanons

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edenmemes · 4 years ago

Text

horizon zero dawn starters

❝ you can sense it. you already know you’re going to lose. ❞ ❝ did you want to be alone? ❞ ❝ you wouldn’t be so eager to speak with me if you knew me. ❞ ❝ that will draw attention. we won’t have this place to ourselves for long now. ❞ ❝ it’s a world worth fighting for. not just here. everywhere. ❞ ❝ trying to live up to glorious pasts has a way of getting people killed. ❞ ❝ never celebrate a victory before it’s earned. ❞ ❝ i crave vengeance. do you? ❞ ❝ my comrades weren’t so lucky. i might shed a tear, if they weren’t all cutthroats and cheaters. ❞ ❝ i’ll always have a minute for you. maybe even two. ❞ ❝ you walk on the edge of life and death. i can tell. ❞ ❝ what is a gift but an award you did not earn? ❞ ❝ so many voices to listen to, it must make your head hurt. i promise my voice will be soft and soothing. ❞ ❝ i wish i could borrow some of your courage now. ❞ ❝ i’ve always wondered. are all your kind hunters and fighters, or just a few? ❞ ❝ no one doubts your determination. but you need to rest. ❞ ❝ a bold claim. i wonder if you’ll live up to it. ❞ ❝ why would someone name a knife? ❞ ❝ so you’re alive ! we should celebrate! drinks on me! ❞ ❝ try not to forget me, while you’re out there saving the world. ❞ ❝ when we spoke earlier, you winced, then looked like you were in pain - or frightened. ❞ ❝ i’m really not one for crowds. ❞ ❝ so - how are we gonna do that? oh, wait, i forgot. we won’t. i do all the dangerous stuff. ❞ ❝ i knew there was something about you. hammered from the stuff they make leaders out of. ❞ ❝ no matter what happens, i will not intervene. do you understand? you are on your own. ❞ ❝ it’s always a pain in the neck when you show up, girl, one way or another. ❞ ❝ you’re bleeding, let me have a look. here, hold still. ❞ ❝ just don’t think this means i enjoy it. ❞ ❝ i don’t want to jinx it, but we might be in the clear. ❞ ❝ when i start a fuss, i like to finish it. ❞ ❝ i promise to look solemn at your funeral before i hit the bar. ❞ ❝ what could go wrong? turns out, a lot. ❞ ❝ let me come with you! i won’t be a bother. i know how to stay out of sight. ❞ ❝ now i’m supposed to fill ____’s shoes. and instead, here i am, stumbling around in them. ❞ ❝ we need to talk - alone. and you need to pull it together. ❞ ❝ i guess growing up means putting what you should do in front of what you want to do, right? ❞ ❝ oh, are you going to shut your mouth now? because that would be a surprise. ❞ ❝ i will come to you in secret. no one will see me, so i won’t get in trouble. ❞ ❝ it looks like something chewed you up and spat you out. ❞ ❝ these are the true wilds, with threats unlike any you have ever faced. ❞ ❝ that moment the door opened and you were standing there, and the way you smiled... i had to look away or you were going to see. on my face. what had just... blossomed inside me, you know? ❞ ❝ i’m not afraid of you - i’m not afraid of anything. ❞ ❝ stop being evasive? you might as well tell me to stop being charming. it’s impossible. ❞ ❝ what a waste. at least he died better than he lived. ❞ ❝ i’ve been looking up at the stars a lot, and the only story i see written across them is that we are small and insignificant and will soon disappear with hardly a trace left behind. it’s a hard story, and i don’t like it much.. ❞ ❝ if i’m going to stand for something, it’ll have to be something i believe in. ❞ ❝ the strength to stand alone, is the strength to make a stand. ❞ ❝ soon it’ll all seem familiar. like home. ❞ ❝ now i see that i was just lucky to get a minute of your time. ❞ ❝ i know my duty to them - and to you. i’m here. and wherever you go...i will follow. ❞ ❝ you're really good at making it impossible to like you. ❞ ❝ i’ve missed our little talks. ❞ ❝ will change happen at all, while men live in palaces? ❞ ❝ confidence is quiet. you’re not. ❞ ❝ you’re not a very convincing liar. ❞ ❝ i already have all the friends i need. i don’t need the bother. ❞ ❝ all right, cool your fire. i got nothing to hide. ❞ ❝ i see you don’t recognize me. well, it was a long time ago. ❞ ❝ you will turn back - or bleed. your choice. ❞ ❝ when we met, i thought i was a big shot talking to a pretty girl hidden away in the middle of nowhere. ❞ ❝ you would speak ill of the dead? truly you have no shame. ❞ ❝ truth is, i get lonely once in awhile. there. i admitted it. don’t think less of me. ❞ ❝ do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there? ❞ ❝ but i don’t know anyone here. ❞ ❝ come on, stop. you’re going to make me tear up. ❞ ❝ i feel like i should drop to my knees and worship you. ❞ ❝ think i’m done? think again. i’ve gotten out of worse scrapes. ❞ ❝ it’s hard to imagine where we’d be without you - and i don’t want to try. ❞ ❝ if we’re to fight together on the brink of life and death, i’d prefer to do so with your forgiveness. ❞ ❝ trust is for fools. it shifts and crumbles like sand. ❞ ❝ what will you do while i risk my life? ❞ ❝ you can smile, can’t you? ...no, that’s a grimace. ❞ ❝ you killed that demon...pulled its guts from the carcass! ❞ ❝ the sooner you’re gone from here, the better. ❞ ❝ for now, all you need to know is that i’m a whisper of reason in this howling pit of insanity. ❞ ❝ i heard the rumors, but i didn’t know for sure until saw you just now. i’m glad to see you’re okay. ❞ ❝ no barrier can now stay you from your sacred task. ❞ ❝ i won’t deny i risked your life. but it was the only way. ❞ ❝ they can’t shoot if they’re dead. keep them busy, i’ll find an angle. ❞ ❝ comforts are weakness. ❞ ❝ as for honor, sacrifice-- true sacrifice, the kind rulers know nothing of -- it’s all a fat joke. ❞ ❝ i’ve been sharpening my blade, anticipating the scent of the fight. ❞ ❝ you’re not just a traveler. that armor was fitted for you. and the way you hold your bow... ❞ ❝ i’d expect to see some tomatoes fly, maybe rocks. hopefully not spears. in any case, be ready to duck. ❞ ❝ i’m not here for the price on your head. ❞ ❝ for a moment, i was a child again, rapt from stories told by hunters at the campfire. ❞ ❝ this...attachment to me will only hold you back. ❞ ❝ whatever you do, don’t let their shabby looks fool you! they’ll kill you as soon as look at you. ❞ ❝ i’m doing what i love. and what could be wrong with that? ❞ ❝ when the arrowhead passes between armor and skin - that’s the place i belong. ❞ ❝ right. why would i expect an answer? it’s so much more exciting to keep it all a mystery... ❞ ❝ oh, it’s a story all right, but it takes a while to tell. maybe another time, over a drink or three? ❞ ❝ why are you talking like we’ll never see each other again? ❞ ❝ i’ll wager you don’t scare easy - it’s a good quality. ❞ ❝ there will be people celebrating, and feasting. more than you've ever see in one place. ❞ ❝ i didn’t bring you here to answer questions. i brought you here to deal with that. ❞ ❝ ...you’ve...put a lot of thought into this. ❞ ❝ i do not want to hear this talk from you again. doubt is heavier than a week’s snow. ❞ ❝ bandits are drawn to here like infection to a wound. ❞ ❝ i guess you’re doing the right thing for the wrong reason. ❞ ❝ i thought you and i were agreed: only enjoy the killing as much as the challenge. ❞ ❝ rumors spread like blood. ❞ ❝ they would steal from us, chase us through the night, laughing. ❞ ❝ leave it too long, your fingers itch for the bowstring. ❞ ❝ you’re strong, shrewd, capable... i could use someone like you on my side. ❞ ❝ you defeated it? alone? ❞ ❝ grasp your grief. and kill it. ❞ ❝ at least i’ll have a fire to keep me company. ❞ ❝ only survivors scar. after everything you’ve been through, you keep going. ❞ ❝ just stop being evasive and tell me who you really are. ❞ ❝ i don’t mind putting my worthless ass on the line. but not yours. ❞ ❝ i’m not here to intrigue you. ❞ ❝ how about you? who do you think i am? what will you remember of me? ❞ ❝ everything freezing. the ground, the air... me. ❞ ❝ you lost someone you care about. that leaves a wound. the sort of wound a lot of people don’t recover from. ❞ ❝ the only thing i know i’m still fighting for is...you. ❞ ❝ i didn’t earn this mercy, but i will die to make myself worthy of it. ❞ ❝ to say you have my gratitude feels woefully insufficient. you saved my life. ❞ ❝ makes you wish you could kill them more than once, doesn’t it? ❞ ❝ why did you act so strange when we spoke earlier? ❞ ❝ being smart won’t count for nothing if you don’t make the world a better place. ❞ ❝ to serve a purpose greater than yourself...that is the lesson you must learn. ❞ ❝ if a big, meaningful talk is what you’re after, move along. ❞ ❝ that carcass! what sort of beast was that? ❞ ❝ what are you doing out here all alone? where are your men? ❞ ❝ you’ve obviously heard of me. you know what i’m capable of. why do you think this will turn out well for you? ❞ ❝ there’s so much to discover before the world ends. ❞ ❝ i couldn’t wait to see you again. it’s like...i’m dead and only come alive when i’m here with you. ❞ ❝ some even say you have a conscience. how extraordinary! ❞ ❝ do you always accuse people you’ve just met of lying? ❞ ❝ if you ever visit, look me up. i’ll show you around, make introductions. it’d be a whole new life, if you want it. ❞ ❝ it had a name once, not that it matters now. i was born there. ❞ ❝ i always knew you were different... i think you’re a blessing. ❞ ❝ no one hears your prayers anyway. ❞ ❝ this place is difficult even for the prepared. ❞ ❝ i underestimated you. i won’t make that same mistake again. ❞ ❝ oh. is that supposed to sound scary or something? ❞ ❝ look, maybe i shouldn’t say this, but it’s obvious that you don’t belong in this... backwater. ❞ ❝ were you kept hidden away? did you have overprotective parents or something? ❞ ❝ hmph. don’t go soft on me. ❞ ❝ i prefer the company of spirits. or my own. ❞ ❝ blood spilled calls for blood spilled! if the ground is cursed, then let our vengeance sanctify it. ❞ ❝ so many people here, all talking at once. how does anyone think? ❞ ❝ why is it that every time something bad happens to you, someone else tells you something bad that happened to them, as if that makes it any better? ❞ ❝ i’ve never seen armor like yours. ❞ ❝ the wrongness here jags at me like an arrowhead. ❞ ❝ when you found me, i was trying to eke out a glorious death. but now a glorious life seems more preferable. ❞ ❝ tomorrow, may the sun rise on the world. ❞ ❝ you saved my epitaph from being ‘a fine soldier but a fool of a man’. ❞ ❝ i don’t think i know you at all. but i’d like to. ❞ ❝ i don’t like this. it feels...wrong. ❞ ❝ oh, i’m grateful for this wound. it’s a lesson i won’t forget. ❞ ❝ you’re a clever one. but not so clever as to heed my warning, i see. ❞ ❝ not everyone follows the law like you do. ❞ ❝ how many times have i pulled you from danger by your neck? made excuses for your behavior? ❞ ❝ for what it’s worth, i’m glad you’re coming with me. ❞ ❝ what have i ever given you but struggle? ❞ ❝ it’s starting to feel real, you know? that we might actually get out of this place. ❞ ❝ i’ve never been part of anything. i serve my own interests. always. ❞ ❝ i apologize for my...behavior. i thought i was dead. ❞ ❝ look, i don’t even know your story. must be a good one. if you ever feel like telling it, look me up. ❞ ❝ when my anger has thawed, i will feel nothing. ❞ ❝ i can’t remember when i had this much fun! i should be thanking you! ❞ ❝ you gave him a quicker death than he deserved. ❞ ❝ that...could be the last creepy thing you’ve said to me. ❞ ❝ something’s really bothering you. if you think i’m gonna abandon you, you’re wrong. ❞ ❝ surprised you saw me, the way you keep looking every other direction to make sure no one’s watching. careful there, or you’ll sprain your neck. ❞ ❝ remember how the blood pounded in your ears? they’ll ring later, in the calm. it’s a call to arms, from your inner desires. ❞ ❝ ___’s dead. i was ready to go through anything to make that happen. and i did. ❞ ❝ is there a reason why you’re acting so cranky today? ❞ ❝ you hold your grief close, like a tailsman. ❞ ❝ i hope you can find peace. ❞ ❝ you don’t know who i am, do you? ❞ ❝ you know there’s always been dirt on my hands. now there’s blood too. ❞ ❝ i want to be strong like you. but... ❞ ❝ i hadn’t given up on hope, but i’ve forgotten the taste of it. ❞ ❝ just...don’t start singing again. ❞ ❝ you’re sparing me? after all i’ve done? ❞ ❝ i don’t intend to die today. ❞ ❝ it will take many good deeds to make up for the crimes you’ve committed. ❞ ❝ but why should you have justice, and not me? ❞ ❝ such a voice... a cold, awful jangle that scrapes your bones and hollows your guts. ❞ ❝ one more word, and i’ll throw you in jail myself. ❞ ❝ only in the struggle against death do we find, even for a moment, the spark of life. ❞ ❝ the war changed you. changed us both. we’re not kids anymore. ❞ ❝ i can’t sleep, i can’t breathe knowing you could be out there...hurting... ❞ ❝ now i’m left to wear my sins. for me, at least, they hang heavy. ❞ ❝ but what does a girl like you know of loss? ❞ ❝ it’s a good thing you’ve got brains. because your personality could use some work. ❞ ❝ i was going to ask you to leave with me...to go somewhere out in the sun where no shadow could reach us. ❞ ❝ they didn’t need to disgrace my name. i did it myself, serving a rotten throne. ❞ ❝ you don’t approve? well, i have a secret for you. neither do i. ❞ ❝ perhaps you are not an evil man. just a weak one. ❞ ❝ losses can feel... overwhelming. but they remind us of our connections to others. ❞ ❝ i don’t exactly see anyone beating down the door to spend time with you. ❞ ❝ if i had known, i would never have spoken to you. ❞ ❝ forge a new life. one of better make. ❞ ❝ impossible odds, fine company, killing without consequence --- how could i resist? ❞ ❝ look at me. i can’t imagine how you’re feeling, but you don’t have to go through it alone. ❞ ❝ i wish i had known, all this time, what you were going through. ❞ ❝ i’m with you. until the end. ❞ ❝ i thought you just wanted to have tea and conversation! is there a battle coming? i wasn’t informed! ❞ ❝ we’ve only met a few times, and yet you know me so well. ❞ ❝ are you going to drive me off, too? it’s okay. i’ve dealt with worse. ❞ ❝ now i know the kind of person i want to be, watching you. ❞ ❝ it’s so...bittersweet. like a smile through bloodied teeth. ❞ ❝ i swear i saw my ancestors... they said: ‘we’re not surprised to see you here’. ❞ ❝ more mercenaries? what kind of person sells their loyalty? ❞ ❝ keep moving or you’ll die! ❞ ❝ this is the kind of place you’d take someone if you want to lose them forever. ❞ ❝ if that’s destiny, i wouldn’t wish it on anyone. ❞ ❝ i’ve thought about what you said. every time, the wound you gave me caught on my ribs. ❞ ❝ i’ve never seen such disregard for personal safety. ❞ ❝ the most important thing is what you’re not like - your father. ❞ ❝ i’m never lonely where there’s killing to be done. ❞ ❝ my past - and my secrets - are my own. you’ll do well to remember that. ❞ ❝ only to you do i extend the courtesy of a warning. ❞ ❝ if the war’s not over, i’m not done. ❞ ❝ a long kiss, the best kind... i can still remember the feel of your hand on the back of my neck. ❞ ❝ it would be a worse fate to bow our heads to the challenge and say, ‘too much’. ❞ ❝ let’s not say farewell. i’ve had enough of that to last me a dozen winters. ❞ ❝ have your wounds even had time to heal? ❞ ❝ you can stop worrying. the secret’s safe with me. ❞ ❝ just to be clear, i have no plans to murder you, alright? ❞ ❝ you’re an idiot. a dangerous idiot, but an idiot. ❞ ❝ i’m kicking myself for not seeing your potential from the beginning. ❞ ❝ for your sake, you must go where you will never find me. this is goodbye. ❞ ❝ so that’s what this is? a tantrum? a cry for attention? ❞ ❝ change won’t come in a single sunrise. ❞ ❝ this place may not seem like much, but we’ll make the best of it. ❞ ❝ no murderers here, if that’s what you’re asking. ❞

#rp meme #roleplay meme #roleplay starters #i'm playing through this game again !!!! & this time im rlly taking it all in

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ibis-gt · 3 years ago

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hello i have written an au based on @unicornofgt 's fantastic gtms series! please go read that if you haven't yet, it's a real fun ride.

2500 words, warnings for swearing, brief gore and violence.

~~~~~

Cam woke up. It was still dark out, though, so he decided he’d try and go back to sleep before his alarm clock went off. He went to roll over and pull the covers up, and realized there were no covers because he wasn’t in bed, or even lying down. He was on his feet and he could feel his arm was outstretched, hand curled into a fist as though he’d just thrown a punch. Then he became aware of a little voice screaming in his head. Or, maybe right in front of his head? It sounded frustrated and scared.

“Why can’t I move? Why isn’t anything working!? Oh, shit, it’s getting up, left left go LEFT goddamn it!”

Left? Cam knew which way was left. Should he go left? He sidled that way slowly, unsure of what else to do. He still couldn’t see, it was too dark out, and he didn’t know who the voice belonged to or what it was talking about.

Suddenly, something slammed hard into his right shoulder, spinning him around, and he heard the voice scream in panic. There was the screech of something sharp scrabbling against metal. Whatever had hit him was hanging on, trying to drag him to the ground. He widened his stance and leaned away from it, trying to counterbalance to keep on his feet. The voice cried out again.

“Shit, shake it off, c’mon! Watch out for the tail - hand up! Now!” Cam threw his free hand out in front of himself and felt something slam into it - the tail, he supposed.

“There! Good! Now pull it off!” He got a grip on the tail and tugged as hard as he could. The weight against his right side lessened, and finally with one last metallic screech came free as he tossed it away.

“Oh, god, what the hell? Did we switch to voice controls mid-battle and no one told me? I hate this army. Ok, fine. Forward!”

Army? Battle? Voice controls? Cam’s head was spinning, his adrenaline was pumping, and he still couldn’t see. Following the voice had to be his best option. If they were in a fight, it was his only chance of getting out alive. He made himself march forward, but he was still hesitant. It was one thing to grab for things you couldn’t see, but walking when you couldn’t tell what was in front of you was nerve-wracking. There could be a big pit or something right in front of him, and he’d never know.

“Forward, c’mon, I need to get to it before it gets up! Move!”

Well, the voice would tell him if he was going to step in something, wouldn’t it? It seemed like its survival depended on him defeating whatever that thing that had hit him was. He moved forward with more confidence, picking up the pace and breaking into a jog.

“Slow down, we’re right on top of it! Stomp!”

Cam skidded to a halt and lifted his foot. He hesitated for one moment - what if he missed? - and the voice came back.

“LIttle to the right… there you go. Down! Hard!”

He brought his foot down. Something crunched and splattered underneath it. Cam felt bile rise in his throat as he realized he had no idea what - or who - he’d just stomped on. What if that was another person’s head? He’d assumed whoever it was had been trying to kill him, but he didn’t know. What if they just wanted to subdue him? Why were they fighting?

“Give it another one, just in case,” the voice said. Cam recoiled in horror and took several steps back, and the voice called out in confusion. “What? What’s going on?”

To hell with this. Now that Cam had a moment to think, he could feel something around his head. It wasn’t dark out, there was something covering his eyes. He tried to put a hand on his face and hit some smooth, flat surface. The voice whimpered.

Cam reached up with both hands and felt around his head. Some kind of helmet thing, it felt like. He got a grip on the sides and pulled. It resisted at first, like it was tethered in place, but he gave it a twist and yanked, and whatever had been holding it snapped. He pulled his head free and gasped in fresh air. Fresh-ish air. Better than the stale stuff stuck in the helmet, at least.

He turned the helmet over in his hands, giving it a curious once-over, and stared at the front plate. There was a window that showed a little cockpit, complete with a little chair surrounded by controls. Sitting in the chair was the tiniest man Cam had ever seen. He was probably just about the size of Cam’s thumb. He looked absolutely terrified.

The little man screamed. It startled Cam enough that he screamed too, starting and tossing the helmet in the air. He fumbled for it, knocking it from hand to hand for a moment, before narrowly catching it before it hit the ground.

“Oh, shit, shit, shit, I’m sorry,” Cam said, and turned it back around to see the little man. He’d gone limp and pale, eyes closed, mouth hanging open a little. Must’ve fainted.

“This is so bizarre,” he murmured. “I mean, I had a tiny man controlling me?” He looked up, finally taking note of his surroundings. He was standing in a burned out, desolate city, buildings smoking and crumbling, cars strewn about the street like discarded toys. As Cam looked around, he came to a horrifying realization. The man in the helmet wasn’t tiny. Cam was huge. He dwarfed the nearest buildings. He could track his footsteps by the crater-like prints left in the street.

“O… kay. Okay. I don’t remember being this tall.” Cam laughed nervously, unsure of what to do. Then he caught sight of what he’d been fighting.

Whatever its head had looked like, it was impossible to tell. Cam’s boot had smashed it into gory chunks. Its body was leonine, four legs and paws with razor sharp claws, but with a long, thick, almost lizard-like tail that ended in spikes. A thagomizer, Cam thought. The word came to him unbidden, and he didn’t know how he knew it. He realized suddenly that he didn’t know a lot of things. His name was Cam. Was that his first name or his last name? Did he have another name, too? He couldn’t remember. How old was he? Where was he from? How had he gotten here? Where was here? The questions were piling up, and he had no answers for any of them. His hands still clutching the helmet began to shake. There was no time to freak out, though, he had to keep his cool. If there was one monster, there could be more of them. As if on cue, a chorus of growls kicked up some distance away. Cam tucked the helmet under one arm and started to sprint. He’d get out of the city, find someplace quiet, wake up the little man, and get some answers.

~~~

Luther stirred, eyes slowly blinking open. Somehow he’d fallen asleep in his pilot chair, and he was stiff and sore as hell. He sat up, stretching, and then everything flooded back to him. Oh god. His mech. FM-609. It wasn’t a mech at all, it was a person, and they had taken him off and looked at him. Had they known all along? Had they just been following orders til they suddenly decided not to? What the hell was going on?

Looking out of the windshield, Luther could see that the helmet was sitting upright on the ground. He was surrounded by the dusty, rocky plains, no living soul in sight. Maybe he’d been left behind? The helmet had no power on its own, so he couldn’t call back to the base for help. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to. He couldn’t just stay here, either, that was a death sentence for sure. Luther slowly eased himself out of the chair and down to the ground. It was early evening, the sun just starting to set, dusk settling over everything. He took a few shaky steps forward, then found his legs and started to sprint.

“Whoa!” A voice thundered behind him. Luther gasped, adrenaline kicking in, spurring him to run faster. A shadow fell over him, and he had only a moment to choke out a shuddering sob before fingers longer than he was tall wrapped around him, lifting him high up into the air. Luther kicked and struggled, tears spilling down his cheeks, as he was turned to face the giant who’d been inside of his mech. The sheer scale of the man took Luther’s breath away. He was sitting down, legs crossed, still wearing the mech suit. Those intense eyes bored into him, neon blue and literally glowing, like headlights in the growing dark.

“Hey, hey, hey,” the man said. He seemed to be trying to keep his voice low and soothing, but it wasn’t doing much to calm Luther down. “You’re okay, I’m not going to hurt you, I just have some questions.”

“I - I’m sorry,” Luther choked, “I didn’t - I didn’t know - I didn’t know you were in there.”

“You didn’t know,” the man echoed, his voice flat.

“And that, that doesn’t excuse it, I’m not - I just, I - ,” Luther broke off, his sobs distorting his voice too much to be understood.

“Okay, okay, calm down,” the man tried. “That’s okay. Here - maybe this is better.”

Luther shrieked as the hand opened, letting him slip free, but instead of plummeting to the ground so far below, he fell harmlessly into the man’s waiting palm. He scrambled backwards, trying to get away, but only bumped up against the man’s curled fingers. Luther froze, chest heaving, mind racing, trying to think of what to do next.

“Okay,” the man said again. “Let’s start over. What’s your name?”

“L-luther,” Luther breathed. “Luther Algers.”

“Luther. Hi, Luther, it’s nice to finally meet you. I’m Cam.”

“Cam…?” Luther prompted. Cam frowned.

“Um… just Cam, I think.”

“Is that… is that short for anything?”

Cam shrugged. “Just Cam. I don’t remember anything else. That’s, uh, that’s actually what I wanted to ask you about. I don’t remember anything before I woke up in this suit of armor. Actually…” Cam’s face screwed up with the effort of remembering. “I remember a voice. I think it was yours, it sounds about the same. Just bits of it, though, always talking about a fight. You were using me to fight those monsters, right?”

“I’m sorry,” Luther whimpered. He shrank further back, hopelessly aware that it did him no good. Cam surrounded him on all sides. If he wanted Luther dead, all he would have to do was squeeze…

“No, it’s okay,” Cam sighed. “I’m not mad. Well, I’m not mad at you. I assume someone put you in that suit, right? And they didn’t tell you there was a person inside it.”

“No, they didn’t. I mean, yes, they gave me the mech, but no, they never said… you know. They told me you were a robot designed to fight nemeans.”

“Nemeans?”

“That’s what we call those lion-looking monsters, the thing we killed today,” Luther explained. “You were really good at it.” He looked thoughtful for a moment. “I always kind of wondered, you know… if the mechs were robots built to a schematic, why did they all look sort of different? Different builds, I mean. Like people. But if they were constructs, wouldn’t it be easier to build them all the same, so you don’t have to get specialized parts to repair them?” He sighed. “I guess I know why now. But I don’t know how… Have you always been giant?”

“Not as far as I can tell,” Cam said. “I mean, like I said, I don’t remember anything before. But when I woke up in the city it all looked wrong. Like a scale model instead of a real place. I guess that means I’m used to being your height?”

“Or that there’s secretly a giant civilization built to your scale that humanity has somehow never discovered, and then the government found it and covered it up, and used its citizens as military weapons,” Luther supplied helpfully.

The two of them stared at each other for a long moment, then simultaneously burst out laughing. The absurdity of the situation was just too much for them.

“Yeah, I bet it’s that,” Cam said, wiping a tear from one eye. “Whoo. Okay. You’re a card, Luther, you know that?”

Luther smiled despite himself. “I try.” He’d relaxed considerably over the course of their conversation. He took a moment to look Cam over. Long, dark hair spilled over his shoulders. A thick beard and moustache covered the lower half of his face. His features were all impressive - huge, pointed nose, thick eyebrows, strong cheekbones, strong jaw, softened a little by fat. He was quite handsome, when Luther really looked at him. Those eyes, though - those glowing eyes. Those were unsettling.

Luther’s expression sobered, and he sat up a little. “What do we do now?”

Cam sighed and leaned back. “Well… we can’t go back to the military, they’d probably throw me right back in a suit and lock you up for exposing their secrets. We’ve got to be on their radar at least, since we just up and disappeared. I’d like to get this armor off me as soon as possible, because it’s really heavy and uncomfortable. And then… how much do you know about this area?”

Luther looked around, getting his bearings a little more. “A bit. There should be some groups of rogues around here - bandits, thieves, outcasts, the like. We could try to join up with them. They’d have food, at least, and they’d probably welcome the kind of protection you could give.” He looked back up at Cam. “I mean, if you want to. I’d understand if you never want to fight again. This has got to be horrible for you… Oh god, I’ve been so focused on myself I didn’t even realize…” Luther got unsteadily to his feet, finding it difficult to stand on the soft, uneven surface of Cam’s hand. He took a few steps towards Cam’s thumb and all but fell on it, wrapping his arms around it in the facsimile of a hug.

“Are you okay?” Luther asked, looking up at Cam with real concern on his tiny face.

Cam stared down at him. All he’d thought about up until now was how to guarantee his own survival. He’d bottled up any feelings he had about being used as a weapon, he didn’t have time to break down, he needed to get to safety and figure out what was going on. But now, in this moment of calm, with this person caring so genuinely for him, it all spilled out. Tears welled up in Cam’s eyes and spilled down his cheeks. A huge, choking sob rose in his throat.

“No,” he quavered, hands beginning to shake. “I’m not.”

#writing #cam and luther #gtms au #g/t #giant tiny #this was so fun to write!! i love this verse it's a blast #Deliciouse Moral Quandries nyom nyom nyom

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scorpionyx9621 · 3 years ago

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Do you think Jason Todd fandom is kinda toxic? Because it seems like NO MATTER what DC do, there'll always be complains. Forget the bad adaptation like Titans. Even Judd Winick cannot escape the criticism with how he potrayed Robin!Jason. They just never satisfied.

SORRY, IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO RESPOND TO THIS. I just moved from Washington D.C. to Seattle, which, for my non-American friends, that's 4442km away. And I DROVE THERE ALL BY MYSELF. And now I'm trying to find new work in a new city and trying to stay mentally healthy and positive. Life is exciting but hard and scary.

*sighs*

As someone who was a fandom elder with V*ltr*n. I've seen some of the worst when it comes to fandom behavior. I'm talking people baking food with shaving razors and trying to give them to the showrunners. I'm talking leaking major plot details and refusing to take it down unless they make their ship canon (I am looking at you, Kl*nce stans) For the most part, DC Comics has had a decades-long reputation of treating their fans like trash and not caring what they think so from what I've seen, we all just grumble and complain in our corners of the internet about how we don't like how X comic portrays Jason Todd.

The challenge with Jason Todd is that he's your clinical anti-hero, the batfamily's Draco in Leather Pants, he's a jerkass woobie, and on top of all of that, he's a Tumblr sexyman. It's a perfect storm for a very fun but frustrating character to be a fan of. It doesn't help that every writer decides to re-invent the wheel every time Jason comes up so his canon lore is confusing at best and inconsistent as a standard.

I guess starting with a general brief on who Jason is and what is uniform about him with every instance he's appeared in comics/media.

Grew up in a poor family in Gotham with a dad who was a petty-mid-level criminal, and a mother who dies of a drug overdose.

Survives on the street on his own by committing petty crimes and potentially even engaging in sexual acts to keep himself alive.

Is cornered by Batman and taken in after Dick Grayson quits/is fired

Becomes the second Robin, but is known for being the harsher, more brutal Robin.

Is killed by Joker after being tortured, but somehow comes back to life and regains senses through the Lazarus Pit

Resolves himself to be better than Batman by basically being Batman but kills people.

Where there has been a lot of conflict in the fandom is the fact that Jason Todd is not a character that is written consistently. DC Comics loves to go with the narrative that Jason was "bad from the start" and was the "bad robin" when, yes, he has trouble controlling his anger, but he also still is just as invested in seeing the best of Gotham City and trying to be a positive change for the world as any other DC Comics hero.

Where I get frustrated with the fandom is its ability to knit-pick every detail of a comic they don't like while completely disregarding everything that makes the comics great and worth it to read. My example being Urban Legends. To which most people had pretty mixed reactions to. I was critical of the comic at first but as it went along I ended up really liking it. I have a feeling DC Comics went to Chip Zdarsky and told him he had 6 issues to bring Jason back into the Bat Family, and honestly he didn't do a bad job. Did it feel rushed? Absolutely. I wish there was more development of Jason and Bruce's characters and their dynamic as a whole. However, where I see a lot of people being angry and upset with Urban Legends is that they feel Zdarsky needlessly wrote Jason as an incompetent fool who needs Bruce to save him.

Whether or not that was the intention of Zdarsky is up to debate. However, and this may be controversial, but I don't think he wrote Jason Todd out of character at all. For as fearsome, intimidating, and awesome as Red Hood is. Jason is a character who is absolutely driven by his emotions. Why do you think he donned the role of Red Hood? As a response to his anger towards The Joker for killing him, and towards Bruce for not taking action against The Joker and for seemingly replacing him so quickly after he died. Jason didn't care about being the murderous Robin Hood or for being the bloody hammer of justice against N*zi's and P*d*ph*les. He only cared originally about making The Joker and Bruce pay. It wasn't until he trained under the best assassins in the world and realized most of them were horrific criminals who trafficked children and were p*dos that Talia began to realize that the teachers that she sent Jason to train under started dying horrific and painful deaths.

The entire story of the Cheer story in Batman Urban Legends was started because it finally forced some consequences upon Jason. Tyler, aka Blue Hood's father was a drug dealer who gave his supply to his wife and kids. And when Tyler's father admitted he gave the drugs to Tyler, it immediately made him fall within the self-imposed philosophical kill-list of Jason Todd. And Jason, well, he proceeds to kill Tyler's father. When this happens, Jason is in shock. Tyler's dad fit the bill to easily and justifiably be killed by Jason. We've never seen Jason having to deal with the consequences of being a murderous vigilante on a micro-level. When Jason realizes what he's done in that he's murdered Tyler's dad, he's shocked. He tells Babs the truth. He does a rational thing because he's in shock. He doesn't know what to do, he never has had to face the consequences of his actions as Red Hood and now the gravity of befriending a child as a vigilante hero who kills people just set in when he killed the father of the same child he was just introduced to.

(Oh here's a little aside because it had to be said, Jason would not have been a good father or a good mentor to Tyler and absolutely should not have been his new Robin. Jason is a man who is in his early 20's (not saying men in their early 20's can't be good fathers at all) who is a brutal serial killer using the guise of a vigilante anti-hero to let him escape most of the law. the complications of having the man who murdered your father adopt you and make you his sidekick are way too numerous for me to explain in a long-winded already heavy Tumblr essay post. There's a reason why we don't advocate for a story where Joe Chill adopted Bruce Wayne or one where Tony Zucco took in Dick Grayson.)

The next biggest argument is that they feel that Jason is giving up his guns as a means to just be invited back into the Bat-Family. To which I will tell anyone who has that argument to go actually read Urban Legends. Already have and still have that argument? Please re-read it. Don't want to? That's okay, I will paste the images from the comic where Jason specifically says that he doesn't want to give up his weapons for Bruce and his real reasoning down below since the comic isn't exactly readily accessible.

Jason gave up the guns because he felt the gravity of what he had done and knows how it'll effect Tyler. Thankfully his mom is alive and in recovery. But Tyler doesn't have a father anymore. And Jason killed Tyler's father. It may have been in accordance to Jason's philosophy, but it was a case where it blurred the lines. Jason Todd isn't a black and white character, just very dark gray. He doesn't kill aimlessly like the Joker. If you are on Jason's list you probably have done something pretty horrific, and also just in general, being in his way or being a threat to him. Mind you, in early days of Red Hood and the Outlaws (Image below) Jason almost killed 10 innocent civilians in a town in Colorado all because they saw him kill a monster. That being said, Jason isn't aimless in his kills.

(Also can we just take a moment to appreciate Kenneth Rocafort's art? DC Comics said we need to rehabilitate Jason Todd's image and Kenneth Rocafort said hold my beer: It's so SO GOOD)

That being said, the key emphasis in the story of Cheer asides from trying to introduce Jason Todd back into the Bat Family and give an actual purpose for him being there, other than him just kind of being there ala Bowser every time he shows up for Go Kart racing, Tennis, Golf, Soccer, and the Olympic games when Mario invites him, is that Jason and Bruce ultimately both want the same thing. Jason wants to be welcomed back into the family and to be loved and appreciated. Bruce want's Jason back as his son and wants to love and protect Jason. Both of these visions are shown in the last chapter of Cheer while under the effect of the Cheer Gas. It's ultimately this love and appreciation they both have for each other that helps them overcome their challenge and win.

Jason Todd is a character who, just like Bruce, has been through so much pain and so much hate in his life. The two are meant to parallel each other. While Bruce chose to see the best in everyone, giving every rogue in his gallery the option to be helped and give them a second chance, hence why he never kills, Jason has a similar view on wanting to protect the public, but he understands that some crimes are so heinous they cannot be forgiven, or that some habitual criminals are due to stay habitual criminals, and need to be put down. But at the end of the day, the two of them both try to protect people in their own ways.

I am aware that through the writings of various DC Comics authors such as Scott Lobdell and Judd Winick, the two have had a very tumultuous relationship. And rightfully so, I am by no means saying that Scott Lobdell writing an arc where Bruce literally beats Jason to within an inch of his life in Red Hood and the Outlaws, nor Judd Winick's interpretation of Under the Red Hood where Bruce throws the Batarang at Jason's neck, slicing his throat and leaving him ambiguously for dead at the end of the comic is appropriate considering DC Comics seems to be trying everything they can to integrate Jason back into the family. That being said, a lot of these writings have shaped the narrative of Jason and Bruce's relationship and have an integral effect on the way the fandom views the two. It doesn't help that Zdarsky acknowledged Lobdell's life-beating of Jason by Bruce at the very end of Cheer by having Bruce give Jason his old outfit back as a means of mending the fence between the two of them. That does complicate a lot of things in terms of how they are viewed by the fandom and helps to cause an even greater divide between the two.

Regardless, I want to emphasize the fact that Jason Todd is a part of the family of his own accord. Yes, he's quite snarky and deadpan in almost every encounter. However, Jason is absolutely a part of the family and has been for a while of his own will. There's a great moment in Detective Comics that emphasizes this. Jason cares about his family because it is his found family. Yes, they may be warry about him and use him as a punching back and/or heckle him. At the end of the day, we're debating the family dynamics of a fictional playboy billionaire vigilante whose kleptomania took the form of adopting troubled children and turning them into vigilante heroes. Jason Todd wants a family that will love and support him. This is a key definition of his character at its most basic. This was proven during the events of Cheer and is being reenforced by DC Comics every time they get the opportunity to do so.

Now, none of this is to say that I hate Judd Winick. I do not, I don't like the fact that in all of his writings of Jason, he just writes him as a dangerous psychopath, and Winick himself admits to seeing Jason as nothing much more than a psychopath. Yet Winick is the one who the majority of the fandom clings to as the one true good writer of Jason Todd because 'Jason was competent, dangerous, smart' Listen, friends, Jason is all of that and I will never deny it. However, what I love about Jason isn't that he's dangerously smart of that writers either write him as angsty angry Tumblr sexyman bait or that they write him as an infantile man child with a gun. There's a large contention of this fandom that has an obsession with Jason Todd being this vigilante gunman who is hot and sexy and while I definitely get the appeal. It is very creepy and downright disturbing that all of you hyperfixate on his use of guns and ability to be a murderer. It is creepy and I'm not necessarily here for it.

What I love about Jason Todd is that despite all of the pain, all of the heartache, all of the betrayal, and bullying, and death, and anguish. Jason Todd is one of the most loving and supportive characters in all of DC Comics. Jason has been through so much in his life, but he still chooses to love. He still chooses to see the bright side in people. Yes, he takes a utilitarian approach and chooses to kill certain villains, but at the end of the day he wants to see a better world, and he wants to be loved. It takes so much courage and so much heart to learn to love again after one has been abused or traumatized. I would not blame Jason at all if he said fuck it and just went full solo and vigilante evil. He has every right to, but he still chooses to be with the Bat Family of his own accord. That's something that I see a lot of in myself. I have been through a lot of trauma and yet I try to be a better person myself in any way that I can. It is extremely admirable of Jason to allow love back into his heart when he really doesn't need to. He kills and he protects because he has this love of society. It may have been shaped by anger and hatred, but Jason has found his place amongst people who love him and value him. I think Ducra, from Red Hood and the Outlaws put it best in the image given below.

To end this tangent, I love Jason Todd and all of his sexy dangerousness, but it's far more than that. As much as Jason may be dangerous and snarky, he loves his family without a shadow of a doubt. I look up to Jason Todd because despite all of his pain and all of his trauma, he still choses to love. Jason Todd is a character who is someone I love because despite all of his flaws and having a very toxic fandom, he still serves as a character filled with so much heart and so much passion. I wish more writers would understand that. But for now I will live with what I have. Even though the fandom may be vocal about it's hatred for his characterization, I choose to love Jason regardless because he is a character who chooses love and acceptance regardless of his pain. Jason Todd is by no means a good person in any sense of the word. He has easily killed upwards of 100 people by now. He is a character who is flawed and complex but ultimately is one who powers forwards and finds love and heart in a place from so much pain and anguish. That is what I love about Jason Todd. After all, to quote a famous undead robot superhero, "What is grief, if not love persevering?" Jason Todd chooses to love despite all of the trauma and pain and grief. Yes, he is hardened in his exterior, but inside there is a man with a lot of love to give and someone who deserves the world in my eyes.

#Long post GOD #Jason Todd #Red Hood #Bat Family #Batman #red hood and the outlaws #RHATO #RH:O #Batman Urban Legends #Red Hood Lost Days #TW Voltron #TW Death #tw murder #TW Klance #Gotta love how i am pouring my heart out onto jason AND calling out the Voltron fandom #Regardless love Jason Todd people

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girlwiththereapertattoo · 3 years ago

Text

begin again - part four

Jax Teller x female!Reader

Summary: After the return of her abusive ex-boyfriend, the reader plots her escape

Word count: 2,9k words

Warnings: bad language, alludes to the death of a minor character, physical & verbal abuse & kinda angsty

Author's note: Enjoy the fourth installment and all feedback is welcome! :)

If you’re in an abusive relationship or you suspect that someone you know is being abused, speak up and reach out to the correct people!

Beta read by @crucifixedbitch

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE

💀💀💀💀💀

You examine your face in the mirror, pleased with the job you’ve done to conceal the marks left by B/N. Last night was brutal and you would do anything to erase it from your memory. To never have it happen again.

“Toots!” A loud pounding sounds on the bathroom door, “Come on, sweetheart, we’ve got to go.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I-I’ll be there in a second.” Moving quickly, you pack your makeup back into your cosmetic bag. “I just need to grab my bag.”

“Five minutes, okay?” he sounds irritated with you. “We’ll wait outside.”

With a shaking hand, you zip the bag closed and leave the bathroom for the bedroom. Your handbag is on the bed but your phone’s not on its usual spot at your bedside table and you just know B/N has something to do with its disappearance. And you know that it’ll be a while before you see it again. You’re so upset, it brings tears to your eyes but there’s no time for them. He’s waiting for you and being late will lead to trouble.

S/N and B/N are on the small patch of grass outside the house, kicking around a ball.

“You gotta kick the ball to me, okay kid? You gotta kick it hard.”

S/N scurries towards the ball and kicks it so hard, it zooms between B/N’s open legs and bounces off of the fence. They both cheer from excitement, and S/N runs straight into B/N’s open arms.

“That was amazing, buddy!”

You clap your hands, drawing their attention to you.

“Did you see that, Mommy?”

“I did, ace, and it was so good.” You walk over to join them on the grass, “Hey, sweet boy.”

You haven’t seen your son all morning. You lift him off the ground and hug him to your chest, it feels good to hold him so close to you, and for the second time in the last five minutes, you feel you might cry. The three of you make your way over to B/N’s rental SUV parked on the small driveway.

“Mommy, are you feeling cold?”

You briefly glance over to B/N who’s prepping the baby car seat. “A little. Mommy’s not feeling too well.”

“Do you need chicken soup?”

You chuckle and press a kiss to his forehead, “Will you help me make it when we get back?”

He pinky promises you to. You hand him over to B/N who buckles him into the car seat. It’s not his intention, but you can’t help but feel humiliated by S/N’s question. A turtleneck and jeans in the dead of the summer in Charming, California? That’s sure to raise suspicions.

“Baby, do you not think I should stay behind?”

B/N turns in his seat, brows furrowed in confusion. “Why?”

Pointing at your turtle neck, you explain, “It’s going to draw attention. It’s summer and I’m dressed for winter.”

“And you care what these people think of you?”

Yes, a lot. It’s your fucking hometown, of course, you care! You want to scream at him, claw at his face, but you’re weak. Pathetic. You can’t even muster the courage to get away from him.

“Sweetheart, no one’s going to be looking at you. Trust me.”

Ouch.

“Don’t ruin this outing by being so self-obsessed.” He starts the car’s engine and backs out of the driveway, “Do you want to listen to some music, buddy?”

Today’s your last day in Charming, B/N’s orders. Later on today, you’ll embark on a five-day road trip back to North Carolina. The idea of being trapped in the car with B/N has you regretting every decision you have made in your life that has led you to this point. Forty fucking hours? The car just isn’t big enough and no amount of eagerness from S/N can change your mind.

“When we get back, I need to see Mabel.”

Mabel’s a friendly neighbor who lives down the street from your mother’s. She moved to Charming a few months before your escape to Charlotte, and since your return, she has been a great help.

“Who’s Mabel?”

“She lives down the road.”

“Why do you need to see her?”

To use her phone to call Jax. “I want to give all my mother’s old furniture to charity. She offered to help me organize it.” It’s a believable lie, “It shouldn’t take more than ten minutes.”

After a dragged-out silence, he murmurs a soft ‘okay’ and warns you not to do anything stupid. “I might not be able to stop myself this time around.”

The chilling part is that it’s not an empty threat. You look back at S/N who’s softly singing along to ‘Old MacDonald Had A Farm’, gazing out the car window. Leaving Charming was a decision you made for his sake, to protect him from his father’s world. To give him a shot at a normal childhood, to raise him away from gangs and violence. Instead, you found yourself in the clutches of a wicked man who will one day kill you.

“Mommy, will we see Abel before we leave?”

“No,” B/N responds before you can.

God, you fucking hate him. Your feelings towards him are violent, and you’ve got to come out of the car before you act recklessly.

“Stop the car.” You unbuckle your seatbelt prompting the seatbelt alarm to go off. “Stop the car, B/N, now!”

He pulls into the empty parking space in front of a bridal shop. You frantically open the car door and stumble out of the vehicle, gasping for air. So glad to have distance from the devil you call your boyfriend.

“Toots, what’s wrong?”

You take a step away from him, needing the space. “I need to breathe, B/N.”

That upsets him. “What are you trying to do? Huh? Get in the fucking car so I can drive to the grocery store.”

You pace around in a circle on the sidewalk, contemplating your next move. You can’t run off, B/N could easily catch you and S/N’s still in the car. You can’t leave him, even though you know B/N would never harm him. He loves him too much. Think, think, think! You have a moment of clarity when you look across the street and see who you believe to be Bobby Munson sitting at an ice cream shop. What are the odds?

“Ice cream and candy!” You spin to look at B/N who’s shooting daggers at you. “I want ice cream and we need candy for the road trip, don’t we?”

“What are you doing, Y/N?”

You walk back to the car to open S/N’s door and start unbuckling him from his car seat. “D’you want ice cream, ace?”

His face lights up. “Ice cream! Ice cream!” he chants.

“Alright. Come on.” You shut the car door, S/N clutched tightly in your arms, “It’s just a small pit stop. Do you want any?”

B/N looks furious but there isn’t much he can do to you out in the open. He’s starting towards you when his work phone starts ringing. He has to take the call and so he tells you to go ahead, he’ll meet you inside the shop. You flash him a smile and make your way to Scoops & Sweets. Now that you’re closer, you’re certain it’s Bobby, and he’s standing behind the counter with his arm in a sling, drinking beer.

“Bobby?”

“Y/N?” His stony expression morphs into a smile, “Hi, sweetheart.”

“Hi, Bobby.” For the first time in the last 12 hours, you feel safe. “I thought it was you.”

“Who’s the kid?”

“This is S/N,” you look proudly at your son. “Say hello to Bobby, ace?”

Bashful, he waves awkwardly at Bobby before concealing his face in the crook of your neck. You casually look over your shoulder to check if B/N’s still on his call before you turn back to Bobby.

“Bobby, is there a phone I can use? I want to call Jax, there’s something I want to tell him, and my phone’s broken.”

He looks out the window to B/N who’s pacing next to the rental. “Why didn’t you ask your friend to use his phone?”

“He doesn’t like to share.”

Bobby looks back at you. “Jax’s upstairs. Come, I’ll take you up to him. Bring the kid.”

Bobby calls for Chuckie who emerges from what you assume to be the staff break room. When you last saw Chuckie, he had fingers.

“What happened to your fingers?”

“Chinese cut them off,” he holds up his prosthetic hands. “These were a gift from Gemma.”

You regret asking. Bobby orders him to keep watch of the shop and starts leading you towards the flight of stairs.

“Uh Chuckie, a man will come in here looking for me. Could you tell him I went into the bathroom?”

Chuckie nods and you continue on your way with Bobby.

“Is this the new clubhouse?”

“Somethin’ like that.” Bobby leads you and S/N down a short hallway and stops in front of a closed door. He knocks once before he opens it, “Visitor for Jax Teller.”

The men in the room, consisting of Jax, Chibs, Tig, Happy, and Juice, all turn to the door. From their expressions, you’d swear they’ve just seen a ghost. You might as well be a ghost.

Jax raises off his chair and crosses the space to join you at the door. “Is everything okay?”

“Hi, boys. I’m sorry for interrupting your meeting,” suddenly, coming to Jax seems like a bad idea. But B/N. You put S/N on the ground. “I just wanted to see you before we leave this afternoon.”

Jax scowls.

“We’re headed back home to North Carolina. Driving.” You throw your arms around your ex, wincing at the discomfort you feel at the contact. “I’m so glad I could see you again.”

He returns your hug, holding you flush against him and you don’t care that you’re in pain. You’re vaguely aware of the fact that the bottom hem of your sweater’s risen, probably exposing the bruises on your lower back. There’s a pang of pain in your heart when he releases you. The tears blur your vision. God, you hate that you’re so emotional today.

“How are you getting home?”

“B/N arrived last night, he’s waiting for us downstairs.” Probably impatient and suspicious. “We should probably get going.”

Downstairs, B/N’s at the counter listening to Chuckie recount the time he had his fingers cut off by Lin’s men. S/N leaps out of your arms and runs over to B/N.

“Here’s your candy.” Chuckie slides two bags of candy to you, “Don’t worry about paying, it’s on the house.”

You smile at him. “Thank you.”

B/N snatches the candy from the counter and the three of you make your way out of the shop. It’s a short trip to the grocery store and luckily for you, there aren’t a lot of people buying groceries whilst you’re there. The tension from earlier has subsided, and the ride back to your mother’s house is a sing-along with S/N leading you. You’re helping B/N unload the bag of groceries from the car when you spot a familiar van at the end of your street.

“When will you go to Mabel’s?”

“After lunch,” you start unpacking the groceries, “I’m sure you boys are hungry.”

“Starving.” He leans over to press a kiss to the side of your head, “I’ll have a beer with my lunch.”

He leaves you in the kitchen to join S/N who’s building Lego in the living room. You’ve just finished laying all the lunch ingredients on the counter when you hear the thunderous roar of a motorcycle outside your house. Shortly after, a knock sounds.

“I’ll get it,” you call from the kitchen.

Unfortunately, B/N beats you to the door. He angrily signals for you to go back into the kitchen.

“Do as you’re fucking told,” he warns through gritted teeth. “Go back to the kitchen.”

You open your mouth to protest but he marches over to you, grabbing your arm harshly, and drags you through the kitchen to the laundry nook.

“You’re hurting me!” you complain, struggling in his firm grip.

The sound of the back of his hand connecting with your cheek bounces off the walls of the small space. You forcefully shove him away from you and try to escape but he hooks a strong arm around your waist and hauls you back into the nook.

“Let go of me!” you claw at his arms and the pain causes him to release you.

“You little bitch!”

He lunges towards you but you’re quicker than him. You grab the first item in your reach which happens to be an iron and whack him on the head with enough force to make him cry out from the pain. You dash past him and run to open the front door at the same time Jax is about to shoot at the door.

His scowl deepens at your disheveled appearance. “Where is he?”

“In the laundry nook. I hit him on the head but he’s still conscious.”

“Where is the kid?”

S/N! You run into the living room, your eyes frantically searching around the space for your little boy. His Legos are strewn on the floor but there’s no sight of him. “S/N?”

“Mommy!”

He’s behind the couch. You find him curled up, his eyes closed and his hands covering his ears.

“My baby.” You scoop him in your arms and carry him towards the front door. “Jax?”

He calls back from the kitchen and tells you to go outside. “Rat’s got the van out front.”

“But Jax–”

“Go!”

You rush out of the house, S/N cradled in your arms. You’ve just stepped onto the patch of grass when you hear grunts coming from the house. Ratboy meets you at the gate and takes S/N from your shaking hands to carry to the van. He helps you into the vehicle before he climbs into the driver’s seat.

“Where are you taking us?”

“Gemma’s.”

💀💀💀💀💀

S/N and Abel are asleep in Jax’s old bedroom and you’re sitting at Gemma’s dining table staring blankly into space. If you had been told a week ago that you’d be seeking asylum at Gemma Teller’s home, you wouldn’t have believed it. You replay the last twenty-four hours in your head, you’re somewhat in disbelief of all that’s happened.

Gemma places a gentle hand on your shoulder, drawing you back to reality. “Here you go sweetheart,” she places a steaming mug of herbal tea in front of you, “it should help calm your nerves.”

“Thank you.” You place both of your shaking hands on the mug, watching as Gemma takes her place across the table from you. “Have you heard anything from Jax?”

“No,” she reaches for the box of cigarettes on the table. “I’m sure he’s fine.”

You nod, your eyes dropping to the mug. “Did he… did he tell you why he had Ratboy bring me here?”

“Psycho boyfriend,” she takes a pull from the lit cigarette. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

The shame brings fresh tears springing to your eyes. It makes it worse to know that this time around, S/N was awake to hear it all. You feel like you’ve failed him, exposed him to the very thing you vowed to protect him from when you left Charming all those years ago.

“What do I tell S/N?”

“Nothing,” she stubs out the cigarette in the ashtray. “You shouldn’t worry yourself with that right now. You should try get some sleep, you can worry about that tomorrow morning.”

“I don’t think I’ll be getting much sleep tonight.” You take a small sip of the hot tea and sigh, “This is all my fault.”

“Sweetheart, no.”

“It is and now I’ve gone and gotten Jax involved in this mess.” The frustration is eating at you, “I just–”

You’re cut off by the kitchen door opening. Jax’s back. Thank the heavens! Gemma rushes over to greet him with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“Are you okay, baby?”

“I’m fine, Mom.”

Joining you at the table, Jax pulls you into him and tenderly strokes your back. All your fears and concerns are alleviated once you’re in his arms.

“Did he hurt you?”

He chuckles and presses a gentle kiss to your forehead. “You shouldn’t be worrying yourself with that.”

“I can’t help it,” you laugh through your tears.

“You should get some rest.”

“All my stuff is back at my mom’s.” The thought of returning to the scene of last night’s brutality has you shuddering. You pull away from Jax and roughly dry your tears. “I don’t… I can’t–”

Jax pulls you back into him, holding you tighter than before, and gently rocks you. “He’ll never hurt you again.”

Guilt. You feel a tremendous amount of guilt. Is he dead? Possibly, and your guilt deepens when you recognize a small part of you overjoyed by the possibility. He deserves it. How could you even think that? No one deserves to die — not even B/N.

“How are you going to get rid of the body?”

He doesn’t respond to your question, instead, he tells you that he’ll get Rat to bring yours and S/N’s bags to Gemma’s.

“Jax, don’t leave,” you plead, the surge of panic hits you like a freight train and has you fisting the hem of his shirt. “Stay.”

He presses a kiss to your covered shoulder. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere,” he assures you.

💀💀💀💀💀

PART FIVE

tag list:

@princesssterek @derangedcupcake @furiouscopshepherduniversity @crucifixedbitch @holl2712 @sweet--catrastrophe @marvelsmylife @brittjulianne97 @few-proud-emotonal @zozebo @lovinnholland @adaydreamaway08

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oikawaplssteponme · 4 years ago

Text

roses in your sweater

pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x fem! reader

genre: angst, aged up characters

warnings: swearing, breakup, brief mention of blood, make-out session, a little suggestive, emotional breakdown (?)

word count: 2,446 words

synopsis: As you fell deeper into love, he fell farther out. Bakugou never wanted to hurt you, but he knew he was going to have to. One last night together and then it’s over, no matter what.

a/n: please reblog :)) as always, id love to hear your thoughts as well <3

He loves me.

He loves me not.

He loves me.

He loves me not.

He loves me.

You picked the petals off of the rose carefully, allowing them to fall to the grass below you. You sat on the biggest branch of the largest tree in the park, humming along to the sound of birds chirping. You held onto the stem of the rose, right in between two of its thorns.

He loves me not.

The last rose petal fell to the ground. You tilted you head, chuckling to yourself. What a silly game it was, believing that some pattern will prove if he loved you. You knew he loved you. It was just a silly flower.

You stared at the stem. You counted the thorns Twenty-three.

“Hey Y/N, get down!”

You looked down at your boyfriend, who stared up at you. You smiled.

“Why don’t you come up here instead?”

“I’m not climbing a damn tree. Get down, I have your boba.”

Bakugou showed you the drink, shaking it a bit. You began to make your way down the tree, standing in front of him.

“Thank you Katsuki,” you cheered. Bakugou patted the top of your head.

“Shit, your finger,” he said. You raised a brow, and looked at your finger. A small cut cross the tip of it.

“Oh I must’ve cut myself on the rose thorn,” you explained. Bakugou took your hand, sucking the stray blood from your finger, then giving you a smirk.

“I dont get why you like roses so much. They’re mainly thorns.”

“I think they’re pretty.”

“Well I think roses just trick you into thinking they’re pretty so that you pick them. After all, you picked all the petals so now it’s just the ugly thorns.”

“Maybe I like the thorns.”

“Only you would. Come on dumbass, let’s go home.”

Bakugou dimmed the lights of your bedroom then he made his way over to you. You grabbed the covers of the bed and pulled them down before climbing in. You laid down and shuffled over to where Bakugou now laid as well . You rested your head onto his chest as he dragged his finger up and down your side.

“Keep doing that,” you whispered. Bakugou chuckled.

“Sure baby.”

Bakugou kissed your head softly. He watched as you soon drifted to sleep. How beautiful you looked when dreams ran through your mind. How your lips curled ever so slightly, making it look like you were smiling. He wondered if you dreamed of him. If you dreamed up the perfect version of him in your head. He hoped you didn’t. He almost wished you wouldn’t dream of him at all.

“Katsuki, baby, I packed your lunch!” You said, hoping he would hear you from the bathroom.

Katsuki ran his head under the cold water, forehead pressed against the wall. He had heard you loud and clear, yet didn’t reply. He shampooed his hair for the third time, desperately trying to kill time.

You set his lunch down on the counter then filled his travel mug with his tea. You smiled. You packed everything just how he liked it, even put a small note in the lunch to hopefully cheer him up after long hours at his agency.

Bakugou wiped down the mirror, allowing him to stare at his reflection. He had to stop himself from breaking the glass with his fist, so frustrated with himself.

I have to tell her.

Tonight.

I’ll tell her tonight.

Bakugou knew deep down that when that moment came, he wouldn’t take it. He knew he couldn’t bare to see the look on your face he he would have to snap your heart in two, but he also knew he had to. Snap it like a twig. As if it were nothing.

Bakugou dried himself off and got dressed. He packed up his Hero costume in his bag and went out to meet you in the kitchen.

“Morning love,” you smiled. You leaned up to kiss his cheek.

“Sorry babe I’m running a bit late. I won’t be home until late so don’t wait for me, okay?” Bakugou grabbed his lunch and tea, making his way to the door.

“Oh okay. Have a good day, I love you.”

“Bye baby.”

Bakugou shut the door behind him. You sighed. He would often forget to say ‘I love you’ back but you tried not to think too much about it. You knew he loved you.

While Bakugou was away, you would organize your sweet little home, get your own work done, and wait for him to get back. Working from home was nice, but you often wondered what he was up to. You knew he was saving the world, which put a smile on your face. How lucky were you to be dating a Pro-Hero, and one like Bakugou. Oh how you loved him. You loved him so much. You would daydream of a life with Bakugou, grander than the one you already had. One where tiny footsteps would roam your halls. One where you would have the suffix ‘Mrs.’ before your now changed name. You loved to think of that kind of future, and hoped that he would ask you soon.

“How’s Y/N?” asked Kirishima through the phone. Bakugou scratched his head.

“Uh s-she’s good. Yeah, she’s good.”

“Just good? Everything okay with you two?”

Bakugou clicked the pen in his hand a few times and tapped his foot.

“Look man I don’t know what I’m gonna do. All I know is that I can’t do it anymore...” he admitted. The other line went silent for a moment.

“Just be honest with yourself and her. She’ll understand,” suggested Kiri. Bakugou shook his head.

“No no I can’t. I don’t want to hurt her but I-I just...I have a feeling that I’m gonna have to.”

“Do you love her man?”

“I did...”

“Then you gotta come to terms with it. You can’t force yourself to be happy for her. That’s just unfair.”

Bakugou threw the pen to the ground and got up from his chair. He began to pace around the room.

“I just-GOD- I wish I did. I really wish I did...”

You stared up at your ceiling fan, watching the blades rotate in a circular motion. You couldn’t sleep. You had a horrible pit in your stomach, but couldn’t pinpoint why.

Bakugou carefully turned his key to open the door. He held his breath hoping not to make a single sound. He would be silent. He would simply pack a bag, write a note, and leave exactly from where he came.

You tossed and turned in your bed as you tried to find a comfortable position. You sighed and sat up. Maybe a glass of cold water would help.

Bakugou grabbed his laundry from the basket in the living room. He began to fold the clothes that you had washed earlier for him. He carefully folded them one by one. He stared at one article of clothing. It was an old sweater. It was his but you wore it more than he did, claiming it reminded you of him. He sighed, leaving that sweater in the basket.

You rubbed your eyes, placing your hand on the door knob. Bakugou stiffened up. You yawned and walked to the kitchen. You spotted him in the corner of your eye.

“I didn’t hear you come home,” you whispered. Bakugou chuckled nervously.

“Y-Yeah I just got here a couple minutes ago...”

You looked over at Bakugou with the Landry basket.

“Why are you folding clothes at two-thirty in the morning?” You questioned. Bakugou sighed.

“Y/N come here please.”

You took a gulp of your water before setting it down. You went over to the couch to join Katsuki.

“Can’t this wait until the morning?” You yawned. He shook his head.

“No it can’t. Y/N I have to talk to you about something important.”

Your eyes widened.

“Okay. I’m listening.”

Bakugou took your hands with his. His palms were sweaty. He locked eyes with you.

“Listen there’s-uh- there’s no easy way to say this but...Y/N I’m breaking up with you.”

Your expression didn’t change, which worried Bakugou even more. You just stared at him. You stared straight at him until an ocean began to fall from your eyes. Your tears could’ve filled up the entire room. Bakugou squeezed onto your hands.

“Look baby you didn’t do anything wrong, trust me. I just...fuck... I just don’t feel the same way towards you that you do for me and I’m sorry. I really wish I did. But I can’t force myself to stay. That isn’t fair to either of us.”

Your breathing grew heavier as your entire world fell apart before you. Your head fell down into Bakugou’s lap, muffling your sobs. He looked up at the ceiling, holding back his own tears. He hated himself at this moment. He hated himself more than ever before. He would do anything to love you, but he didn’t.

“I’m sorry baby...I’m sorry...”

Your cries probably woke up your neighbors. How your sobbing didn’t cease. You felt as though a million arrows had just shot into your back. Thorns after thorns piercing your skin. You take it back. You don’t like the thorns.

You looked up at Bakugou. Your lips quivering.

“I’m gonna pack a bag and spend the night at Kiri-��

“No, god, please no...” you cried. You wrapped your arms around his torso, now sobbing into his chest. Bakugou huffed. He held the back of your head gently.

“C-Can you please just spend one last night with me. Please...”

“Y/N that’s not a good idea...”

You sniffled a little harder, gripping onto his shirt.

“J-Just one last night with me please...”

Katsuki kissed the top of your head.

“Okay.”

You and Bakugou walked back into the bedroom. He changed into just a pair of shorts, as he did every night. It was as if nothing was different. He dimmed the lights, you pulled down the covers, and the two of you climbed into bed. You didn’t lay down, keeping your back against the bed frame. Bakugou was seated the same.

“K-Katsuki?”

“Yeah?”

“Could you please kiss me? Just one last time?” You whispered. Bakugou sniffled.

“Yeah.”

You looked over at him, tears still streaming down your face. You moved to sit onto his lap. Bakugou placed his hand on your cheek, wiping away the tears though more still poured.

“I’m sorry.”

Bakugou leaned in to kiss you. Your shaky lips tried their best to savor this moment. You knew this was it. This was the last time you would ever share a bed with him. Ever share a home with him. Ever kiss him.

You tangled your hands into his blond hair, pulling him closer to you. His hands traveled up your shirt, memorizing the skin he touched. Maybe this was all just an attempt to see if Bakugou could gain those feelings back for you. Maybe he said yes just for the hope that he would kiss you, and remember why he fell in love with you in the first place. Unfortunately for the both of you, he didn’t. He kissed you and felt nothing. Similar to a black hole in space, Katsuki Bakugou felt empty towards you, no matter how badly he wanted to feel otherwise.

You cried as you kissed him. Both of your tears mixing into one pool. You knew that if you pulled away, that would be it. No more. You were scared to stop, so he stopped for you.

Bakugou turned to the side, making his lips depart from yours. He moved his hands to his side, and pressed his lips together. That was it.

You moved back to your regular spot in bed, pulling the covers over you. You sniffled again.

“Goodnight.”

Bakugou looked over at you to see if you were asleep. He saw your chest rise and fall with your shallow breaths. He brought his fist to his mouth, shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath. He went over to his closet, grabbing and packing his clothes. Next, his drawers. He packed up everything he owned, placing it all in just a few bags. He went out to the living room, seeing the now empty laundry basket. Well, almost empty. Bakugou grabbed the remaining sweater and brought it to your room. He set it down on his side of the bed, which he made. He took another deep breath.

“I-I-”

He almost said it, but that would’ve been unfair. He would’ve lied. So, he instead grabbed his bags, kissed the top of your head, and walked out the door.

You heard the door shut, as it woke you up. You sprung up from your bed, scanning the room around you. You looked over to your side to see that Bakugou’s side of the bed was perfectly made, and that he had left you something. You cupped your hand over your mouth, shaking your head. You didn’t want to cry this early in the morning but it was already too late. Once you realized what he has left you, it was too late.

With a shaky hand you grabbed the sweater and unfolded it. You held it in front of you. You buried your face in it. You cried. You screamed into the sweater. You screamed so loud, Bakugou heard you from outside. He climbed into his car anyway

You gripped onto the sweater, sobbing uncontrollably. The navy fabric now stained black from your tears. You held it up in front of you again, seeing the tear marks. You put the sweater on.

The reason you loved that specific sweater so much was because of how soft it was. Warm and fuzzy, giving you a hug when Bakugou couldn’t. Now, the sweater felt rough. It was almost as if the fabric inside pricked you. It was stabbing you, making your skin crawl. It was as if the sweater was made of a million tiny thorns, when it once was as soft as a rose petal.

You ripped the sweater off, throwing it to the ground. You rubbed your arms, wishing that uncomfortable feeling would go away. You wished this would all just go away.

You splashed cold water onto your face from your kitchen sink. You patted your face dry and looked to your kitchen table. Your flowers had died. Only one wilted rose remained, with only one petal left. You walked over to it, picking it off and throwing the petal in the garbage, where the rest of your love went.

He loves me not.

•

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kim-miyeon · 4 years ago

Text

Hell Above - Chapter Fifteen

PAIRINGS: Hwang Hyunjin X Female Reader

WARNINGS: Series contains mature content, read at your own discretion. Mafia!AU, explicit language, suggestive language, graphic scenes, weapons, mild abuse, angst, 18+.

WORD COUNT: 4.3K

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Everything’s Not Alright, and I Would Rather...

The day had come.

The roar of the vehicle drowned in your ears as you sat back and watched as the pedestrians walked by the hospital. You grew envious that you were unable to have such a normal life, one where you could walk so freely with common care and worry. The sun rays beamed on the car causing the temperature to surpass a well comfortable standard and you felt your anxiety churn in the pit of your stomach. He was coming for you and you were foolish to believe that a historial full of those suffering would allow him To pause in his conquest. You hung your head and sighed out, and felt a soft hand place itself on your thigh as you looked up worryingly to this man.

It was almost unfair. How in a life full of torture, deceit and pain, that there was someone so honest, so loving. Hyunjin had and would always be the light at every end of each tunnel you found yourself in. He will always be that comforting voice in your mind. The softest touch a human could ever have. And it was unfair because you couldn’t live a life of peace and harmony. You two will never be able to sleep restfully in each other’s arms without the worry of captive or murder at your corner. To live the way you had, hidden behind masks placed for the both of you caused nothing but pain. And at what cost? You feared since the day your grandfather decided that he and the network would move forward and deem it necessary for you to be killed, that you would never truly see this man again. You looked at Hyunjin, studied all of his features. How his skin almost resembled silk in the way it looked soft to the touch and had no imperfections. His mole that was kissed under his eye, and the sharpness of the angles in the way he was carved by angels. His eyes felt like two of the most precious stars caught from the galaxy and placed into his orbs. They drew you in and made you feel like everything around you was still. His lips… his lips that took you to paradise, how everything he did, brought you bliss. He was your safety net, your rock, your protector. And you never thought love at first sight was real, you had grown up to hate this man, but the moment you looked at him with your own two eyes, you felt static electricity run through your spine. You two had as would always be two hearts as one, two souls cut from the same strand. He had always been your other half.

And that’s what scares you. The unknown. Of the hours ahead, the plan that had been set in place. You remembered the discussion you had with Changbin when he introduced the bullet to you. The technology and the thought behind its ability to stun you and weaken the heartbeat but not enough force to kill you. You knew Hyunjin didn’t see your point of view and grew nervous for the safety of your unborn child.

“Here it is”

“So tell me, when Minho shoots it-“ You started and Changbin cut you off.

“It will break the skin, it will hurt, especially if he is rather close to you. I made this protection pad for you to wear..” Changbin handed to the padding and you eyed it a bit before he continued.

“This should help stop the force of the bullet from completely killing you”

“YAH!” Hyunjin yelled more as a warning to be careful with the words people used. He was on edge with the whole situation.

“Hyunjin it ‘s fine. It won’t kill me. We just need it to put me out for a few, make grandfather believe I am dead.” You looked at him before turning to Changbin, “Thank you Changbin.”

Hyunjin clenched his jaw and left the room as you tried to grab on to his arm as he jerked you off.

“Hyunjin—“

You followed after him and you two were in the hallway when you called out his name again and grabbed him as he turned to you.

“This is ridiculous Y/N putting yourself at danger! Putting everything on the line like this. If he thinks you're dead, what difference does it make!?”

“He hid me from the world. He made me non existent. Do you know that you could have been dead years ago!? That’s why.” You retorted and Hyunjin sighed out in frustration.

“I’m playing the same game as him, Hyunjin. Making myself non existent. For me, for you…” You grabbed his hand and placed it over your stomach, “for our family.”

Hyunjin pulled you into a hug and held you tightly, like he was going to lose you .“I just can’t bear to think of something happens, if you-“

“Nothing will happen, I promise. I trust Minho. I trust the plan.”

“I’m going in.” You unbuckle your seat belt and looked at Hyunjin. He slid his hand over your cheek and behind your head as he pulled you into a kiss, one that felt so passionate, full of love, fear, lust. Like it was the last time you two would ever feel each other. His lips molding into yours like he was studying every soft line you had and memorizing the way you taste.

“Y/N” He whispered against your lips. It was so beautiful the way he said your name.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” You kissed him back before you made your way out of the car and to the hospital.

You took slow steps walking across the cream colored colored floor, mind lost in the daze as your heels clacking against the concrete were the only thing that could be heard. The smell of medicine and cleanliness around you and the overwhelming silence of it all as you approached Jeongin’s hospital room made you feel insane. Your skin was itching for some kind of crazy to happen, and you received nothing of the sort. As you approached the corner of the room you heard a not so pleasant sound. The sound of a laugh you were not expecting to hear in the hospital, one full of danger and suspense. You began to think to yourself the harm Jeongin could be in and how bold of a man your Grandfather was to show himself here, and at the same time you were not surprised. You took one deep breath in and walked into the hospital room and saw a frozen in place Jeongin sitting up on his bed. Your grandfather sat across him with his legs crossed, his eyes dark and evil, smile curved just enough to scare away those around him. He had his men in the room holding their assault rifles in clear view. All attention focused on you when you came into sight. There was no turning back now.

“Today is the day Y/N. I trust that you know what lies ahead of you” you grandfather spoke, head slowly turning to you as you squinted at him and clenched your jaw.

“I suppose it was foolish of me to believe that you wouldn’t come here to find me.” You responded back and he smiled at you.

“You and Jeongin...two peas in a pod. It’s a shame one of you has to go.” You looked over at Jeongin who was in complete fear, fast ghostly white. You grew anxious.

“If you have come to harm-“

“I do not wish to harm Jeongin any more than I have.”

You paused and you stepped forward and your grandfather’s soldiers raised their weapons at you and your grandfather raised his hand to calm them.

“I will let you have a moment to speak, then we will take you.” You grandfather stood up and you saw the small sling around his arm where you had inflicted your gun shot to. He walked towards you and you moved over to allow him and his men to step out of the room before you ran over to Jeongin’s side and began touching his face.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“Y/N.”

You checked for any and all signs of cuts and bruises on Jeongin’s body as he kept repeating your name softly. Your mind was so caught up in him that you didn’t hear him raise his voice at you. It was when he gripped your wrists tightly to have you stop when you looked into his eyes.

“I’m okay.”

You nodded softly and felt tears in your eyes and Jeongin shook his head to tell you not to cry.

“I’m scared Jeongin.” You whispered and he nodded.

“You’re going to be fine. Trust me.” You felt a single tear roll down your cheek and Jeongin pulled you into his arms for a hug, “I’ll see you on the other side.”

You pulled back from him and looked at Jeongin confused before you felt to large hands grip your arms tightly and began to pull you.

“No. LET GO OF ME.” You struggled to get free as you looked at Jeongin who smiled at you and waved sadly and you felt the pit of your stomach churn. “JEONGIN!”

Before you knew it you felt a padding of cloth come to your nose and you began to inhale. Your head grew light and your eyes got heavy as you felt all your weight drop and everything go black.

******************************************************************************************

“They took her.” Hyunjin bursted into the office and Minho jolted up out of his seat as he turned to Felix who looked back at him.

“It’s time.” Minho said and Felix nodded and got up and grabbed his jacket.

“Let’s go fuck shit up.” Felix said and left the room, heading to go round up the other boys.

Hyunjin stood there across from Minho as Minho looked back at him.

“So we are really doing this?” Hyunjin asked and Minho nodded his head.

“Better late than never.” Minho scoffed to himself and Hyunjin nodded as they both left the room.

*******************************************************************************************

You felt your eyes start to pry open and you hissed when you saw the light of the room attack your sight. You squinted hard and saw a man standing in the room guarding the door watching you. You sat yourself up slowly and realized you in a bedroom, one that felt painfully familiar in an odd way. You saw the man grab something at his hip and raise it to his lips.

“She’s awake.”

You felt your blood run cold. The room was eerily old and filled with floating dust. You then noticed you were laying on a bed and you glanced around and took more in as the man kept speaking over his walkie.

“Bring her to the yard.” You over heard a voice say as you saw the man nod and you glanced over to the side table and noticed a photo of two people you knew.

Your parents.

Soon the man raised his weapon at you and you looked up at him sadly as he gripped your arm and you felt a slight pain on your wrists. You had been tied up with a plastic zip tie and it had rubbed against your skin so much you almost broke blood.

The man jerked you off the bed and placed his gun on your back and you made no sound, no sign of hesitation. You felt absolutely defeated and the war hadn’t even begun. You took a look at the room, your parents room. A place you hadn’t had the chance to truly embrace as home. This whole place you thought was supposed to be home. But it became grounds for evil. A place where the souls of your family are trapped forever.

“Let’s go.” The man pushed you towards the door and you compiled as you started to move.

The hallways were still covered in family portraits and decorations. The mansion had never been changed, had not been touched since the massacre. As you walked further and further you passed by the office, and you felt a piece of yourself grow light. Everything slowed down as you made your way past the room because you knew what had taken place.

The scenes of the events that had occurred flashed before your eyes. You could see your mother, tied to a chair, being beaten and tortured while your father watched in agony, screaming and begging for the men to stop. Your mother…. bleeding out, being stripped of her garments and abused. Your father watched as they placed the gun to her head and fired the last shot.

You saw your father cry. Losing hope and the love of his life, losing you. You felt his pain as you walked past. You felt everything like you never have before.

You walked down the stairs of the mansion and saw the dark beauty behind the way everything looked. It was a true shame, so much beauty and life sucked out of this home.

Once you made your way to the from door you saw another soldier standing by and looked at you unpleasantly. The soldier behind you pushed you into the other as the next one grabbed you and headed out to the front of the house. You looked ahead and saw your grandfather standing in the middle of the yard, almost ritualistically surrounded by men you knew only through photos. The network.

You were walked closer to your grandfather and then shoved to the ground as you tried to catch yourself with your hands tied. You felt the gravel of the ground damage your knees and scrape your hands and some of your face as you fell hard with a grunt. You heard your grandfather snicker to himself as he cleared his throat.

“I present to you all. The daughter of Lee Won Shik. LEE Y/N!”

You pushed yourself up off the ground and looked up at your grandfather as he spoke to the crowd.

“Y/N original mission was to infiltrate the Hwang family through their son, Hwang Hyunjin. A tactic we have all created together and implemented.”

You listened to this absurdity. Not only was your grandfather a monster but the whole network was behind him, that’s how his power never faded. There was so much corruption and evil around you that it made you afraid.

“Unfortunately, it seems that our very own has fallen deep into her work. She is now unfit to rule this family and has committed treason to us.”

You saw as the men who stood around you listened and you looked back up at your grandfather who smiled and continued.

“Lee Y/N is carrying the child of Hwang Hyunjin.”

Shocked responses from around you as you flared up at your grandfather broke the airy night. Your breathing grew heavy and you never broke eye contact with the man who stood before you. You knew the network would never turn on this man and you knew you were being tried.

“Lee Y/N, how do you plead?” Your grandfather smiled knowing that this was his most enjoyable event. He loathed you so much that the thought of your head on a plate was what got him here. You clenched your jaw and smiled back at him and laughed.

“Guilty.”

Your grandfather almost frowned to your answer, but scoffed. “Guilty, you heard the woman.”

He began to walk around you and look at the men around, “the Lee family has held its crown for decades, and we have ruled over all families. We will not allow a child stained with Hwang blood to succeed the throne of this business.”

You noticed lights ahead, lights belonging to a vehicle. Two then four then six… multiple cars approached and you felt okay knowing that Minho was close.. Hyunjin was close. The plan was about to be executed and the future was more clear for you.

The cars pulled up and you saw the reactions of everyone as they pulled their weapons up and aimed at the vehicles. The lights shining into your eyes cause you to look away and squinted as you heard the sound of the door opening and slamming shut.

“Stand down, everyone.” Your grandfather ordered and you heard the sound of weapons lowering.

“Lee Minho has come to complete his mission.” Your grandfather spoke and laughed, “He will execute the leader and take the crown as the new leader of the Lee Family.”

The lights of the car flashed off and you saw Minho in the dark, walking to you. His expression was full of rage and anger. You looked up at him as he looked down at you. In the back of his eyes you searched for a confirmation that the plan was in action and that his expressions were not drawn at you. But you found nothing, you couldn’t read him. His eyes were as black as the night sky and they held an incredible amount of hate. You felt yourself grow uneasy, you had trusted him. Surely he wasn’t going to pull the trigger on you, you trusted him to shoot you where it had been planned. You saw him inch towards you and he drew his weapon at you, aimed at your head.

“Minho..” you whispered.

“Now is the time Minho!” Your grandfather’s voice brought you back to the reality of the situation. You tried to tell yourself that this wasn’t real, Minhop wouldn’t dare to shoot you. But as you looked up at him, his gun aimed at your head, you weren’t so sure.

You thought back to the last conversation you had with Minho, and how in that moment you truly felt like this was a moment you weren’t supposed to question.

You peeked behind the wall at him as he stood in the middle of the night, looking up at the sky and sighing heavily to himself. You could feel his distress, his fear, his anxiety...all of it. It surrounded him as he kept digging a larger hole in his mind and you wondered what was going on. You wanted to speak to him, and you wanted to give him the space you knew he needed. But in the end it was ruined by you making a far too noticeable sound when you leaned against the door. Minho laughed a bit and turned his head softly as you grew embarrassed.

“ So you’re spying on me now, Y/N” He said softly and you cleared your throat as you walked closer to him and smiled.

“The boys said that you were out here, I just wanted to check in on you.” You said and Minho gleaned over at you and nodded.

“You guys are all counting on me but, I can’t do this Y/N '' Minho croaked out, almost chocking by tears and you looked at him in concern as he exhaled deeply.

“I keep playing it in my head, over and over again and I just…”

“Minho… don’t” You reached out your hand to touch his arm as he hung his head low.

“The first time he laid his hands on you...you were only seven.” You felt the guilt rise in him, everything that he was feeling that he kept deep inside was pouring out.

“I remember that day too well, I watched him take you to his chamber and I was so mad because I thought that you were getting a reward. I was so jealous and angry and then..”

You bit your lip at the memory, one that you try not to bring back to your mind, but Minho’s point of view made you realize that he had been struggling in a different way all these years.

“When I saw the bruises on your arms and face...I…” He paused and you saw him choke on the tears that were coming out without fail. You shook your head not wanting him to continue but he did anyways as you tried to comfort him.

“Y/N I didn’t want to get hurt the way you were, I thought if I ignored it, maybe one day it would go away. He would stop but..he didn’t.”

“ I know..”

“No, you don’t. I have failed to protect you for so long, and I have been against you for years. And now, I have to help you and I don’t know if I can. If I miss, if something happens, I’m responsible. What if you die?”

“I’m prepared to.” You spoke bluntly and Minho looked at you wide eyed, “I’m prepared to die, if it goes wrong.”

“But what about Hyunjin?”

You sighed, and reached into your back pocket and pulled out a note that you had been saving to give to Minho. “If I die, you give this to him.”

“I trust you Minho… I trust that you’re going to come and pull that trigger and you and I are going to change the world. I know it. I know I looked at you for years as the bad guy in my life, but you’re just as fucked up as me. We can’t fix that but we can evolve from it.” You said and he nodded at you and you sighed.

“I just don’t know what I would do if you got hurt, Y/N. I should of been there all these years-”

“So be there now. Be here for me now. Pull the trigger and help me.”

Minho glared at you and you felt tears starting to warm your eyes and your grandfather chuckled lowly.

“My oh my, what do we have here?”

“MINHO.” A loud yell came from behind and your eyes widened. What the fuck is he doing?”

You saw Hyunjin storm his way past the cars and saw his men trail behind him. You noticed Changbin, Jisung, and Chan as well as Seungmin and Felix behind with their weapons as Hyunjin kept approaching. Your mind went numb. This wasn’t the plan.

Minho never took his eyes off of you and he was incredibly still and locked on you. You felt your heartbeat quicken when you saw Hyunjin approach you two and then all weapons drew.

Hyunjin looked at you and you looked back in complete fear and confusion.

“Minho put your gun down.” Hyunjin ordered and you watched as he held his weapon at Minho.

“No.” Minho looked at you and you looked up at him. You were trying so hard to make sense of the situation. This wasn’t what you had discussed and what you agreed on. This was different. Something different was happening and you were lost. Everything felt wrong.

“Minho, what’s going on?” You whispered at him and you watched as he began to ease on the tension, somehow your words brought him back.

“Minho.. I’m fucking warning you…” Hyunjin held his gun and you looked at Hyunjin.

“HYUNJIN PUT YOUR GUN DOWN!” You screamed.

“NO Y/N, HE’S GOING TO KILL YOU.”

The pounding of your heart was in your ears as you looked at Hyunjin. He stood in front of you, gun pointed at Minho. His eyes were dark, like he craved this. You felt hazy, nothing in that moment felt real. Your knees grew sore from being in the gravel. You looked up to the side of you and saw Minho. His eyes, sad and hurting. You thought he would cry. But how could he in this moment. But the gun in his hand at you didn’t feel staged anymore. Nothing felt right. You were beginning to question your sanity. Had all of this been a lie? Were you once again fooled? Your grandfather’s claps interrupted your thought process as you turned to him as he chuckled.

“All three of you. In one vicinity. How delightful it is to see sucha scene, and how pathetic it is to see the son of Hyun-woo sacrificing his life yet again for a woman.” Hyunjin clenched his jaw as he looked at you and you stared back. He was hard to read, something that never was difficult before. He looked busy in his mind, thinking about something deeply. You turned to Minho and he looked down at you as you tried to read him. Blank. You felt your heartbeat quicken and the pit of your stomach felt light. Where were they? Why were they not with you?

“Since I have you three here, I might as well use this to my advantage.” your grandfather stepped closer and looked at Minho.

“Shoot her.”

“Don’t you dare.” Hyunjin growled.

“Shoot her Minho.”

“Minho I swear to god, don’t you dare pull that trigger.”

“No?” Your grandfather looked at Hyunjin and he smiled at him. “ Then you pull it Hyunjin. Pull yours.”

You looked at the scene and felt tears brim your eyes. Nothing felt right and this was not the plan. You looked to Hyunjin and then Minho. Minho began to shake and you pleaded with your eyes.

“I don’t care who pulls the trigger, it means nothing to me. One of you has to die anyways…”

Those words sent chills down your spine. No matter the outcome, your grandfather felt no remorse if anyone were to die. It was painful, but not shocking. He ordered the death of your family and has no sense of guilt for what he has done. You bit your lip and almost felt like the plan would have caused nothing but more anger and pain. So maybe you would be okay if Minho pulled the trigger. Maybe this was the best thing for everyone.

“You heard him Y/N.” Minho said softly and you looked at him in fear as he cocked his gun back and you saw the light escape his eyes, full blown rage.

“One of us has to die.”

You closed your eyes, letting a tear run down your cheek as you prepared mentally for the pain, for the sorrow. It ends here, you thought. This was for the best.

The last thing you heard was the sound of the gun firing it’s bullet, leaving you stunned, cold, and quiet.

A/N: SO sorry this came out late, you are all so eager and I was trying to type and proof between shifts :( Being an ADULT is hard, but anyways. We have reached the end. Next week is the last chapter. I could actually cry. As always let me know your thoughts and I will see you on the other side loves:)

Taglist: @hyunfeji @zenzedana @datura-inoxia @ninjaleeknow @beethiin @hyunsxle @hwangful @huntressfrost25 @exonations @p0t4t0don14ll @beaann @minaamhh

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