#he would keep on begging for you too
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So i finally got my hands on translations of both the Odysee and Iliad!!!
And despite originally caring more about the story of the Odysee i decided to read the iliad first and I'm so incredibly glad i did!
About 20 pages in and two different women are separately kidnapped and taken hostage, Agamemnon and Achilles are at each others throats, the gods are getting involved, Zeus is being himself and Apollo is spreading the plaque. 🤬
Meanwhile Odysseus is somehow on a peaceful road trip and has a sleep over with the boys after a fun karaoke night. 🥰
#Can't wait to keep reading#Hope Odysseus gets a few more good moments before his life goes to shit in the next book#But also the iliad ist just so damn entertaining so far#Everyone is giving it their all arguing with each other#I'm both flabbergasted at their dramatic antics as well as drawn in#It's like watching a train wreck unfolding you can't look away#Also i was fully on Achilles' side until he begged his mommy to manipulate the war so he could play hero to heal his bruised ego#Like bro!!! What are you??? FOUR!???#Still the way he verbally dragged Agamemnon for being an egocentric bastard was iconic#He kept calling him dog face too#Surely Apollo would have cried at such poetry had he not been too busy killing their men.#the illiad#the odyssey#greek mythology#achilles#agamemnon#homer's iliad#iliad achilles#the trojan war#iliad odysseus#odysseus#zeus#apollo#greek gods#athena
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Does anyone else feel like the incinerator gun chair room from Zero Time Dilemma would have better fit C Team instead of D Team
#elaboration in the tags#zero time dilemma#zero escape#ztd#I think of this every time I watch a playthrough and get to that room#carlos ztd#akane kurashiki#junpei tenmyouji#c team#like just about any combination fits with the potential character growth both Akane and Junpei would have from it#I understand the main character is Carlos so if we were to keep it as him making the decision then I would have Akane in the incinerator#and Junpei in the chair#but if we’re going to throw ‘main character chooses’ then you could truly have either Akane or Junpei at the gun with Carlos in the chair#I say all this cuz there’s the obvious Akane incinerator parallels and I imagine it could trigger a breakdown for her#if Junpei is behind the gun would she beg Junpei to shoot Carlos to save her?#would Junpei see that Akane sees other players as pawns to save her own life? and if she doesn’t beg does it help Junpei#see the humanity in her? where he previously thought she was uncaring but here she clearly is to save Carlos at the cost of her own life#but my fave configuration is Junpei in the incinerator and Akane at the gun#it helps them see from each other’s point of view. how scared would Junpei be being in the incinerator and there’s nothing he can do#but rely on someone else? Junpei in characterized as pretty selfish in ZTD so this experience could have him empathize with Akane’s#‘selfishness’ in the previous games. realizing you’d do it too if your life was on the line#and Akane can see just how difficult it is being the one to directly have a hand in how people die or at least see their bodies.#and is it worth it to just save one person?#yes Akane’s games have a way for everyone to survive and win at the end. but in the moment the players don’t know that.#I think that configuration would do SO much for akane and Junpei to better empathize with one another during ZTD#this could’ve been a whole post but I wasn’t confident enough in my coherence to properly format it. so tags you get
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mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW
#thinkin too much about gortie side characters again.#sally this time and why she specifically talks about him the way she does#like dravo is obviously still shitty but to me he was. ‘just ‘neglectful#while sally actively hated and even felt terrorised by her own child#like. it’s not like i don’t understand her at all.#imagine you and your love don’t have much besides each other and your shop and you get pregnant and ready to raise a child#only for it to not be a child he didn’t and doesn’t cry ever and he learns everything so much sooner than most but then he never calls you#his parents and it’s not just a petty thing kids do sometimes you feel that he doesn’t see you as family and the worst part is that you#agree deep down#and as he gets older he doesn’t have any friends and actively rejects the notion of the entire concept#but then as time passes you hear about how he has entire groups of children following him and then several of them commit suicide#and that thing coming to sit with you and dravo at the dinner table says that he did what you did last week when the axe to chop wood broke#and you discarded it and got a new one#and he has these habits of ripping out flowers and making sure that they don’t regrow#and then you hear rumours about a friend’s daughter’s cat disappearing and think nothing of it#until you visit his tree house a month later and find a declawed cat and birds with clipped wings and crushed bugs that he keeps fondly#and then you see him with other children and they don’t know and his face is different and body language is entirely different#and were it not for the fact that you know better you would never see anything but a normal child#and you know that you are one who painstakingly brought this thing that should not be into the world and so you decide to end it all one da#and go to him as he’s asleep with the knife shaking in your hand#but he cries when you’re above him! screams at the top of his lungs!#so you beg for forgiveness even though you don’t deserve it through tears but as soon as the knife is put away you see the act drop and fee#his clever fingers having twisted your brain inside and out and you know that you can do nothing#and so the opportunity arises to at least remove him out of your life if not everyone’s lives and you take it immediately.#but you heard him talk. how he will close his fist around the world one day. and you know that it is not a matter of if but when.#like. imagine that. jesus dude.#like i hc her as someone that is messy and does not know a lot about life and she certainly wouldn’t have been a good mother but the love#or at least desire to love is there somewhere. and believing that having a child is really the only somewhat meaningful thing she can do#with her life. she’s not some hero or rich or anything of note. so there’s a lot obligation and not genuine desire for family here.#but she never really got the chance to be an actual mother in the first place so. who knows what that might have looked like
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(´・ᴗ・ ` )
#I really like the “We're the bad guys' enemy” line. For someone I generally despise Dazai has all my favourite lines in this show…#Idk I can't really vibe with the unbalance that there is between s/kk.#Like when push comes to shove‚ Dazai has the power to keep Chuuya alive or let him die.#I understand why they make a compelling dynamic in their complexity‚ but it just doesn't do it for me.#I'm a little sad my opinion on them hasn't really changed since I watched the anime for the first time...#Also; I really can't vibe with Chuuya allowing Dazai to kill Q. Yes I know Chuuya cares about his comrades deeply.#Yes I know it can be interpreted as Chuuya seeing himself in Q as a living weapon and being disgusted by it#(though I honestly don't think that was intentional of the author).#Yes I know Chuuya is a mafioso and kills people. No I don't think your personal issues justify you being a dick to other people I'm sorry.#Back to my main annoyance with the episode: I must have already talked about this but I hate hate hate the narrative#“the mafia works for the city” “the mafia deeply loves the city too” it's so so sickening and insulting please stop I'm begging.#Please visit any actual city with a rooted mafia presence for once in your life (signed: someone whose hometown was destroyed by the mafia.#The writers really don't know what they're talking about and‚ politely‚ it's offensive.)#Also b/sd keeping being extremely nationalist with Mori (who's largely depicted unsimphatetically for the first part of the episode)–#bringing up western thinkers and subtly mocking Fukuzawa for not knowing them–#and Fukuzawa (the righteous man. the noble spirit and just soul in this episode and Mori's antithesis)–#stepping forward to say that he knows strategists from the east (because who else would he need?)#I don't know if it's meant to symbolize the conflict with an hostile and invading foreign power (the Guild).#But it does come across as. A very isolationist way of thinking.#I know it's subtle but it's really evident for me. And I didn't want to talk about this any further…#But by bringing actual examples of this I hope I can better explain why I think that b/sd holds nationalist views–#and that I'm not just making it up out of nowhere. Otherwise I fear I'd only come off as pettily hostile to b/sd in everything#That's it. I feel like I've been losing a lot of mutuals over my main recently due to not shutting up (sorry)#so I suppose it's only fair I lose them on here too pffttt.#Tune in next week for more bad takes#random rambles
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series 3 is so frustrating because there is like a shining core of pure diamond underneath the problems . like conceptually it rocks so incredibly hard. but the problems
#dr who#i am being so honest when i say ten should have gotten on his knees and begged for simm!master's life#they should have framed the bit between him and martha's mom so different#like yes it is 10000% in character that the doctor with his bleeding heart and loneliness wouldn't want to kill him#even after everything that happened. because he's the only person he has left. 'i forgive you' was PERFECT.#but literally anyone else that suffered from what the master did. Deserves to rip him to shreds. so very obviously#and like i know.i KNOW that i am watching the 'funny immortal alien saves people through time and space' show#but i actually despise the doctor being framed as like an all powerful savior. or treated like one. even for a little bit. is Annoying#the first part of the series 3 finale having martha be humanity's last hope was SO GOOD bc it like kind of set her up as like#having to grapple with all that responsibility and attention like the doctor does. everyone's lives are in her hands. so crunchy#but when it like slides into 'everyone pls believe in our specialest boy in the world The Doctor <3' it just. falls flat#i feel like with a couple tweaks here and there in the execution and like actual fuckinnn people of color in the writer's room#series 3 would be PEAK media. but as it is it's just. falling short.#i do really appreciate martha deciding to leave ten on her own though. first of all. qpp down. second of all#she's realized that she can't keep traveling with him. bc (as i mentioned) hes someone who simultaneously needs saving#and refuses to be saved in the ways that matter. Yes im fucking ignoring the unrequited romance angle i think#it does a gigantic disservice to martha's character if u boil her down to that. fight me i dont care if that was the authorial intent#martha in the end is too kind to ten and ten keeps making her watch his meandering path of self destruction. toxic doomed qprism to ME.#anyway fuck. idk man series 2 consensus was that im dead inside and series 3 consensus is that the version i have of it in my head is peak#series 2 is better but i think because of my ten martha insanity i actually enjoyed watching series 3 more than series 2.#even if i got mad at it more than any other season. i think something is wrong with me. um. lmao#ten and martha#10 era
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gege needs to retire his character death note and hand it off to asagiri i swear 😭
#my sister (misinformed) told me yuta died in the latest jjk ch and i was so nervous looking at leaks#bc its smthn gege /would/ do and i really like yuta#thankfully he’s fine he just made an appearance in the latest ch thats all#tell me why my first thought after was ‘man that was a thrill i wish new bsd chapters made me feel like this’ 😭#my biggest gripe w. bsd will forever be how all the characters always come out of battles completely unscathed#nevermind the 500 injuries they sustained#nobody ever dies or gets new battle scars or life changing wounds etc etc it kinda makes the stakes boring when you know the character will#be fine when alls said and done#and honestly this wouldn’t be problem for me if ! asagiri didnt deathbait so damn much !#he’s allergic to actually killing off a character and thats how i Know fyodor prob isnt dead#and neither is sigma bc fyodors ability is still a big mystery and we need them to reveal it for us#bc asagiri never killed anyone major off in the main manga before its hard to believe that he killed these two off 🤷♀️#and ig fukuchi but all those theories of him being the masked man at the s5 cliffhanger has me squinting suspiciously#tbh idc if its my fav character who dies if it’ll make the plot more interesting then send them to the gallows !!#(okay maybe not lucy but she barely gets any panel time shhh)#like i like fukuzawa but i also think itd be interesting to see what would’ve happened if he died in the battle vs fukuchi#bc the aftermath would be a change in status quo and it would’ve been interesting to see the change in dynamics in the ada and#how they deal w. his loss !!#on the other hand gege killing off his characters too frequently . . . doesnt rlly need an explanation#(jjk spoilers?) now w. yuta going up against sukuna . . . please keep him safe gege i beg 🥲#anyways. enough rambling now to go back to shoving bsd to the back of my mind lol#ayra croaks
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NOT okay right now im thinking abt pokemon leaving scars on their trainers + everyday, domestic problems.....
#this is abt my top gun au btw <3333 which will forever haunt me even though im less likely to write it everyday </3333#like.....getting thin scars from rowlet as a kid which have now all basically faded to time#(though the ones gained as a teen from dartrix can still be seen)#while in the other hand always having angry red scratches along both arms because hes always holding up rufflet who fights like no tomorrow#(believe me; its better to hold him up and take the damage than put him down and let rufflet pick a fight with someone)#OR like....getting electrical burns because elekid doesnt know how to control its discharge yet. and the scars that stay bc of that#(which tbh is an ash + pikachu thing i would love to see)#or how one accidental poison jab from toxicroak will leave you utterly sick for days#(like serious he should probably go to a hospital or smth) and toxi just has the biggest saddest puppy dog eyes in existence it feels so ba#(its fine this has happened before he'll be fine. probably)#bruisings on your shins bc pawmot punches your legs to grab your attention or to get smth it wants....#rooms always being like ten to twenty degrees colder (or even more) when he has his ice pokemon out for whatever reason...#the reverse of that with fire types..... ough...#having to BEG flygon not to fly rn bc it starts a sandstorm every fucking time and it does it anyway#(PLEASE i took you out of your ball to eat dinner why cant yiu behave this one time)#and then dragonair fixing it to be clear skies again.....the never ending cycle....#any trainer who have pokemon that start sandstorm needing a pair of safety goggles for when they battle#(maybe even bringing a spare just in case or--if theyre kind enough--for their opponent to wear so they can see too)#dont even get me started on mythical pokemon interacting with the tg characters.....#anyway tried to stay as vague as possible for the characters lolol#bergmite is just a lil guy who wants to be carried around like all the other small 'mons....i am so sorry sweetie you are over 200 pounds#you cannot be perched on your trainers shoulder like someone else's rufflet can#having ice burns bc froslass tried to freeze him.....#anyway. can you tell i love pokemon#sorry to anyone who sees this in the pokemon tag </333#delete later#i feel like im begging on my knees for someone to ask abt my au....but also if they did id die of embarrassment from answering it...#the pros and cons of having a dumb little au </3#sigh maybe one day i'll write a fic... (<-keeps saying it but has written nothing for it (yet))
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certain qidian authors shld start a side hustle writing dnmei actually 🙂↕️
#男频不写男同还写什么 <- golden words to live by#*#fan xian/li chengze (qing yu nian):#written to be foils.. the mirror inverse of one another..the zhen baoyu to his jia baoyu#dislikes him on sight perhaps bc they r too similar souls#asks him not once but twice to bow out of the succession struggle bc if he does he promises to give him a lifetime of peace#“我许你一世平安” which in some contexts would be so romantic#begs him to live after his failed rebellion and of course lcz being who he is kills himself in front of him#更香的是他们还是同父异母的亲xiong dei😇#and bc u cant have enough hong lou meng references during their first meeting lcz’s delicate looks also remind him of lin daiyu..#and he wonders why he keeps thinking of him when he’s not even gayy (and i quote 好龙阳)#li huowang/zhuge yuan (dao gui yi xian):#his 白月光. his fleeting moment of respite in a truly horrific world#who sacrifices himself to save him from the powerful eldritch being after him#who he then strangles w his own two hands bc anyone who dies by his hands becomes part of his hallucinations so#at least he’ll still be with him in some capacity#hallucination!zgy tricks lhw in exchange for the survival of his country (所以T_T在渊子心里其实家国天下>>>🔥)#and feels so guilty abt it that he dissipates (perma death) leaving lhw to cry for three days straight at the bottom of a well#pulls himself together to fulfill zgy’s final wish of saving the people and when they ask his name he says zhuge yuan#builds a white jade buddha statue w/ zgy’s face for the ppl to worship#also he carries around a sword made from zgy’s spine and that brings him comfort#oh how could i ever forget pingxie (dmbj):#his lifetime in exchange for ten years of his innocence#“im a man with no past or future. if i disappeared from this world no one would notice” “at the very least i would notice”#“i’ve thought abt my connections to the world and it seems the only one i can find is you”#many such cases………..#if these were on jj literally吊打秒杀 the girlies (me) would EAT IT UPPP#QIDIAN YAOI📣📣📣📣
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Not having read the manga I thought Rukia's rescue arc took place somewhere in the middle of Bleach as a series, and not at the very beginning, with it being in the middle making it make sense for a more romantic reading of IchiRuki. Now you can read it as romantic regardless, it's up to the reader. Or you can see it as Ichigo being the older brother to two younger sisters and the oldest kid of a single parent household, where older kids (especially if girls) act as a surrogate second parent, taking on the vacant slot left by the other parent (his mom in this case, not surprisingly he looks so much like her)--as usual, in families a role that exists and is left empty must be filled, even if you need to bring in outsiders for that purpose.
On to the main point, it is so funny to me but also such an accurate portrayal of peak teenage behavior, that this group of kids did sneak into the Soul Society (yeah dude, let's do it! we will save our friend. we will bring her back. no one messes with our circle. we'll definitely come back in one piece, trust me!) to save their friend of... at most six months or a semester of school as Shunsui points out and learns from Chad approaching him.
And Shunsui, being the perspective of an adult who has formed frontal lobes (which he actively tries to destroy with alcohol) and can see in retrospective how teens are and how he was as a teen, realizing that "Oh god! you are dumb. (you are dumb because) You are kids. I cannot kill you!'
Only a teen would pull off a wild stunt like that, because adults either care less about their friends or get too caught up in overanalyzing the situation (Ukitake as Rukia's captain), afraid to be involved (Shunsui because while he didn't like the execution, he doesn't want to do unnecessary work and make things worse, less if he uses his connections or cards right for any little thing that happens in the world there will be nothing left to use when things come down to his niece Nanao), or fearing the loss of social status and family shame (Byakuya as Rukia's brother).
#anime manga rambles#bleach#renji should have helped#but to his credit he did admit it that he knew rukia was out of his league and the easy way was too pretend she never existed and#thus not think that they could never be together#he came to his senses and begged ichigo to save her and then fought byakuya and still went to the execution even if he already lost to bkuy#it's not clear if renji would have eventually not kept himself from saving rukia and ichigo just accelerated an event about to happen#there's also pride and respect in that Renji may have felt he was dishonoring Rukia's choice to die by throwing a tantrum that she should..#continue on living at her execution like who is he to decide for rukia (in his head)#he cared abt protecting the image of rukia more so than protecting rukia bc he was too weak to protect rukia & that's all he was strong...#enough to do#he grew complacent in his choice that it took an outsider to shake him up that#there's no dignity in a dead loved one and you should strive to keep them alive#anyway i wrote an essay on renji in the tags
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takane's self deprecating inner monologues mirroring the fandom notoriously misinterpreting her as far meaner than she actually is. *holds head*
#also applies to shintaro#but shintaro is indeed pretty mean in hs soooo#post str i think he'd also be dramatic and sort of a jerk but its like. hes justified (looks at retaining)#hs days shintaro. u will regret this. dont be like that. ive seen into your future. just be nice im begging you#anyways takane. i study her under a microscope#OH and when i say Fandom i mean older fandom#sinceas there hasnt been. Content. yknow. so theres no way of knowing if ppl still interpret her that way#<- i dont have anyone to talk abt kage.pro with❤️ i wouldnt know. i just see what ppl post. sometimes.#what was i talking about#oh yeah#i had a thought i really did.#but i lost it#basically takanes self bashing makes me so sad#shes right to a degree because takane is indeed a selfish person (glares at manga route 2)#she wouldve NEVER walked away. takane being jealous haruka got another friend 1. would not happen 2. even if it did it would NOT keep her#from hanging out with him.#shes precisely too selfish for that. she precisely likes haruka so much and wants to Be with him so bad she doesn't give a fuck what ittake#sorry for the sudden manga 2 bashing i just needed to explain. takane is selfish#and she IS also attention starved❤️❤️❤️#but she barely recognized her good qualities. if at all#ugh. sorry. i was going somewhere with this. i love her#kagevinnie
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[cut to me lying facedown in a puddle of tears]
#multi makes text posts#NO ONE TALK 2 ME IT'S 2 AM AND THE DARK URGE IN BG3 IS MAKING ME CRY#(to be clear i'm not actually upset)#(but ohhh oh fuck that hit me emotionally)#bg3 spoilers in the next tag; eden campaign specific#FUCKING. EDEN WAKING GALE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT BEGGING HIM TO STAY AWAKE#AND TO NOT LET EDEN SLEEP#BECAUSE EDEN'S TERRIFIED THE MOMENT HE SHUTS HIS EYES THAT HE'S GOING TO HURT THE PEOPLE HE LOVES#GALE ESPECIALLY#AND GALE BEING CONFUSED AND SCARED BUT DOING WHAT EDEN ASKS AND TYING HIM UP SO HE CAN'T HURT ANYONE#AND THEN STAYING AWAKE WITH EDEN FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT ENCOURAGING HIM TO FIGHT IT#WHILE EDEN IS THRASHING AND SCREAMING AND TRYING TO RIP HIMSELF APART#AUGHGHGHGHGHGHG#AND THEN THE NEXT MORNING COMES AND EDEN IS HIMSELF AND HE'S JUST... A FUCKING WRECK#RECOILING AWAY FROM GALE AND SOBBING WHILE APOLOGIZING AND BEGGING TO DIE#AND GALE JUST... IS STILL SCARED BUT STILL DETERMINED THAT THEY'LL GET THROUGH THIS#HOLDING EDEN GENTLY AND SAYING THAT HE'LL PROTECT HIM. HE WON'T LET ANYONE HURT EDEN--NOT EVEN HIMSELF#i'm sorry for the caps but oh my god this made me wanna fucking bawl#eden: why don't you hate me for this? i'm a monster. i've hurt so many people#gale: hate would be too easy. i'd rather focus on loving you and keeping you safe.#these two hurt me
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I really do deserve a fucking apology for all the times my friends and family valued strangers on the internet and their opinions more than me
How am I supposed to be just fine with being ignored for years and years or bullied for openly liking what I like, only for those same fucking people to then turn around YEARS LATER, AFTER THE DAMAGE WAS ALREADY DONE, and be like "actually this is cool, so glad I found it" while still ignoring me. Why am I not allowed to be fucking pissed about it? Why is it considered ""gatekeepy"" when I get upset someone who deliberately ignored me for years and insulted the shit I enjoy when I asked them to get into it cuz I thought they'd like it suddenly finds interest in it because it got popular online, not because I'd been begging them to give it a chance and to listen to me for years???? Why is that not allowed????? THAT'S SUCH AN ASSHOLE MOVE, WHY IS IT 'NOT OKAY' TO BE MAD? WHY DON'T THEY GROW A SPINE AND APOLOGIZE FOR DISMISSING ME FIRST? HOW ABOUT THAT?????
#I fucking hate this it keeps fucking happening#I have a fucking LIST of all the times it's happened this is not a one time thing it's fucking reoccurring#Nothing I say will ever fucking matter to anyone not even the people who are 'supposed' to care about me#Grumble grumble#Literally showed my dad a song and he was like 'well I preferred the one that came on autoplay after'#And I was like 'oh that song? Oh you mean THAT song? OH YOU MEAN THE SONG I SHOWED YOU MONTHS AGO THAT YOU DISMISSED AND CRITICIZED?'#THAT ONE? YEAH? YEAH???#Gee I wonder why you like it NOW and not when *I* showed it to you!#UGHHHHH#Begged my friend to get into OP and he would go 'no it's too long and the art style is kinda ugly'#GUESS WHO'S NOW ASKING ME TO GUIDE HIM THRU THE ANIME CUZ OP WAS TRENDING ON TWITTER OVER THE SUMMER#UGHHHHHHHHH#Begged friends to watch Trig/un for years it was always the first anime I'd recommend anyone when they asked and was always ignored#Guess what everyone did once stampede started *trending on Tumblr*?#They certainly didn't care when I asked or when I was hyping up the trailer for stampede or literally any point before then#Nobody would ever reply to me when I talked about it#But now that it's trending on Tumblr NOW they're interested. GJSGDHDJDJDK#Happened with Pe/rso/na and Ro/tm/nt too.#Begged my middle and high school friends to get into the per/sona series. Nooo never it's sooo lame#Get made fun of for being hyped for 5's release in Calc class#Man you'd never believe who I see on Twitter as the biggest fans nowadays!!#Same with ro/tm/nt begged my friends to watch it but was dismissed and the episode I showed them heavily criticized bc it wasn't 2012#Then learn the same friend who criticized it so heavily bc he *hated it* WAS WATCHING VIDEO ESSAYS EXPLAINING WHY THE FINALE WAS SO GOOD#And there's NEVER any acknowledgement like 'hey sorry I made fun of/hated on this thing I see why you like it now'#Am I actually mental?! Would that not be the polite thing to do???#I would do that if a friend begged me to watch something and I openly dismissed them or criticized it as my reason why#And then later on I saw something online and was like 'actually...'#I would GO TO THAT FRIEND AND BE LIKE 'hey sorry I dismissed you earlier man I get why you like it now' AND THEN WE COULD TALK ABOUT IT#This isn't even about like distant acquaintences some of these people are my best friends and my roommates and my own fucking parents#People I talk to daily or near-daily. You're just not going to acknowledge what happened before??? Just expecting me to be fine with it????
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...i'm starting to wonder if i wasn't actually pretty often failed by the adults in my life as a young kid tbh.
#i'm always doubtful where to put the blame#in a morally neutral causality kind of way to be clear#because like. i dont know. if i was the adult. confronted to the opaque behavior of a child. would i have done better?#but also i can't help but think#why the fuck did they make me skip a grade (last grade of primary on top of that) when i was notorious for never doing my homework#and was incredibly inconsistent across topics#like i sucked at math. like ''needs to count on fingers to do a simple addition or substraction'' sucking at math.#like i never learned any multiplication tables sucking at math#like i never got how to pose divisions and still can't at age 18 because logicomathematics are completely counterintuitive to me#and just. the work was never done to make me Get It. my work or teachers' work who knows. but perhaps skipping a grade wasnt the solution#or like#apparently when i was three years old the pediatrician suspected smth was up with me#either autism directly or ''generally suspicious child'' we're not clear on that#but he told my parents. and everybody said ''we better test that'' and then. nothing. idk.#they filled a parental report of behaviors questionnaire for... adhd i think? autism maybe. and that's it. never fucking heard about it.#god. i just remembered my mom saying proudly they almost never put me in the nursery as a kid.#always either with a parent or family or a nanny.#and perhaps mother. you could have foreseen that a kid with no siblings no pets no kid neighbors no playdates. would end up socially fucked#i remember the teachers scolding late students and showing us that we were supposed to be in bed by 9:30 or something#and internally i was like BUDDY AT 9PM WE'RE HALFWAY THROUGH DINNER#MOM'S BEEN HOME FOR LESS THAN AN HOUR#and shit. i don't know. i was scared of the dark as a child. to the point that even with the compromise#of keeping the door ajar and lights in the hallway (which i had to fucking advocate for btw)#i still slept curled up in the bathroom on a towel sometimes when it got too scary#and i would cry and scream before going to bed. i would beg my mom for sleeping pills from a young age.#i would often find myself in the morning sleeping with my face smushed between the pages of the book i literally fell asleep on#because i read until my eyes gave out#and a couple years later when i got a 3ds i'd play at night and if my dad caught me he'd storm into my room and i'd hide under the comforte#and he'd punch a couple times and whisper-yell at me not to do that and go to sleep#it took until i was about 15yo for me to see a sleep specialist
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"he followed you home through the time vortex!"
#literally fuck off#dw rewatch#i KNOW THEY NEEDED TO WRITE ROSE OUT BUT THERE'S NOOOOO REASON SHE HAD TO STAY GONE.#fuck just say she can regenerate new face done#retcon a bit so jack can too#it would be funny#if we're running on vibes then why the hell not#truly just!!!#we could have rose running around in the background someplace not even in every episode maybe she has some Important Thing#to do with earth Torchwood as an excuse but the Doctor (any of them) can randomly#be like ''yeah you should see my Rose'' ''your girlfriend? your wife?'' ''MY ROSE!''#bc hey he (or she!) has someone! there would be no more romantic drama around!#I will die on that hill#60 years and the Doctor only really loved two women? give us another ten then before introducing any more romantic drama I'm begging I hate#doctor/companion romances soooooo much#more companion/companion!!!!! HOW ABOUT VILLAIN/COMPANION!!!!!!#just keep the doc out of it thank you#Rose is my exception I'm mad that she is because truly my hill is ''no romance on the silly scifi show'' but she won me over
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WRIT ETHE WHOLE FIC
🫡
#DKFHSDGS LMAO#IM SO GLAD YALL LIKE THIS#kat answers#ok so bonus: im thinking about if you finally let him touch you - like sexually#and he's so nervous he doesn't want to mess this up because he can tell how fragile you are#and when you start crying he's sure he's done too much too soon#but you just start apologizing for ever leaving him to begin with#and he's so happy he would cry if he could- instead he just holds you close until you have to beg him to keep going
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WARNING: The penalty for trespassing on the railway is £1000.
#here is the story of two researchers and one 0 on the truth table. here is how you almost tied up my arm in a belt#because you lost your tourniquet and neither of you could find my veins. did it feel good to get it off your chest#did it feel cathartic to talk about sin? in a room full of policymakers and experts i shook hands with a theoretical#physicist creating breathing metal. we talked about annual ruination. there is a boy in gold earrings#and two strangers growing a fake hologram with their minds. you discover you like wine and that you are#perhaps only a little bit cutthroat. here is a teapot full of tequila and a glance a curling of the lips that renders you [0]#first on the index and quickly overlooked. you want to be loved? here is the difficult bit. girl teaches you how to speak mandarin. still#too drunk to find your veins but here i want to be loved anyway. in a shocking turn of events the thing that keeps me alive#projected through my lovers noise cancelling headphones causes a slow peak in the 10 millisecond span i process#falling lights and yet increases accuracy to almost 87.5%. is it magic or are you just discussing your downfall?#the truth is have no skill or qualification to my name. i want you to listen to me. he said you will be a king. he said if a bomb#fell on this room everything that matters would be over. YOU WANNA LEARN ABOUT LOVE YOU SELFISH FUCKER? YOU SHOULD HAVE CHOSEN ME#WHEN YOU WERE 15. THE LOVE IS GONE IF YOU HAVE TO ASK IT. hes the alaskan#WHEN YOU WERE 15. THE LOVE IS GONE IF YOU HAVE TO ASK IT. i am the alaskan malmute under the dinner table begging for scraps#in a place im not supposed to be. in the field it was me with the drumsticks her (the world piano champion and the researcher and the#the machine gun) with the 巴乌 him with the guitar this is outside of london this is the ex presidents ex advisor telling you to give up#this is your brain and this is the day after doom. this is her washing the EEG conductive gel out of your hair in the restaurant bathroom#this is the skill to possess guilt without carrying shame.
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