#he would keep on begging for you too
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every new paul lore drop we get we just learned hes just been the worlds punching bag ever since he was a wee lad
#and it makes so much sense why he is the way that he is#in the sense that “the joke of it is that ive suffered two major injuries in my life. at 17 i got hit with a puck#and lost most of my central vision in one of my eyes. at birth i had all the talent sucked out of me that was the injury at birth“#you know?#canned from every coaching job he keeps begging to be fired from the kitties because thats all hes ever known#paul is so funny to me mr i dont like the camera alright man#youre a star honey#paul getting mocked for being drafted last oh you would never see my face after that one id hightail it into the woods#“i probably cost the scouting staff their jobs” he says way too smugly#problem child
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Could we get an avoid? You choose which flavor
help there’s been a shadow guy rotating in my mind constantly for (checks the date) FIVE MONTHS.
I exploded in the tags
#DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THEM DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT HOW HE TOLD AVID TO BURN DOWN LIMBO DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT HOW HE WAS#IN THE OPPOSITE OF THE LAST AVIDVENTURES VIDEO#L O N E L Y. AND. P U R P O S E L E S S.#do you think he knew Trog was right behind him.#do you think he could hear Avid communicating with Olm.#do you ever think about how he stopped telling Marm to run and begged her to get him out#do you think he felt anything when Olm said he would have just been sent to the abyss. or was he already too used to being nowhere forever.#do you think he said goodbye to anyone before he lost his memory#do you ever think about how he doesn’t know. he doesn’t know about limbo. He doesn’t know about new Salem.#he doesn’t know he’s missing his soul. does he miss avid anyways? Does he realize that’s what it is? Or does he even know he’s feeling that#Do you think he was allowed to keep the transponder in this universe. Does he know what it is?#“I don’t know anything. You’re the only one I know.”#The only thing he knows is building Olm’s world. Olm. Who trapped him in limbo for a thousand years. Who took away his soul.#Who took away EVERYTHING he had.#and he’s so excited to give them more creators to build their world.#skyblock kingdoms#avidmc#avidmc fanart#skyblock kingdoms fanart#my art#asks
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So i finally got my hands on translations of both the Odysee and Iliad!!!
And despite originally caring more about the story of the Odysee i decided to read the iliad first and I'm so incredibly glad i did!
About 20 pages in and two different women are separately kidnapped and taken hostage, Agamemnon and Achilles are at each others throats, the gods are getting involved, Zeus is threatening to beat up his wife and Apollo is spreading the plaque.
Meanwhile Odysseus is somehow on a peaceful road trip and has a sleep over with the boys after a fun karaoke night.
#Can't wait to keep reading#Hope Odysseus gets a few more good moments before his life goes to shit in the next book#But also the iliad ist just so damn entertaining so far#Everyone is giving it their all arguing with each other#I'm both flabbergasted at their dramatic antics as well as drawn in#It's like watching a train wreck unfolding you can't look away#Also i was fully on Achilles' side until he begged his mommy to manipulate the war so he could play hero to heal his bruised ego#Like bro!!! What are you??? FOUR!???#Still the way he verbally dragged Agamemnon for being an egocentric bastard was iconic#He kept calling him dog face too#Surely Apollo would have cried at such poetry had he not been too busy killing their men.#the illiad#the odyssey#greek mythology#achilles#agamemnon#homer's iliad#iliad achilles#the trojan war#iliad odysseus#odysseus#zeus#apollo#greek gods#athena
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Does anyone else feel like the incinerator gun chair room from Zero Time Dilemma would have better fit C Team instead of D Team
#elaboration in the tags#zero time dilemma#zero escape#ztd#I think of this every time I watch a playthrough and get to that room#carlos ztd#akane kurashiki#junpei tenmyouji#c team#like just about any combination fits with the potential character growth both Akane and Junpei would have from it#I understand the main character is Carlos so if we were to keep it as him making the decision then I would have Akane in the incinerator#and Junpei in the chair#but if we’re going to throw ‘main character chooses’ then you could truly have either Akane or Junpei at the gun with Carlos in the chair#I say all this cuz there’s the obvious Akane incinerator parallels and I imagine it could trigger a breakdown for her#if Junpei is behind the gun would she beg Junpei to shoot Carlos to save her?#would Junpei see that Akane sees other players as pawns to save her own life? and if she doesn’t beg does it help Junpei#see the humanity in her? where he previously thought she was uncaring but here she clearly is to save Carlos at the cost of her own life#but my fave configuration is Junpei in the incinerator and Akane at the gun#it helps them see from each other’s point of view. how scared would Junpei be being in the incinerator and there’s nothing he can do#but rely on someone else? Junpei in characterized as pretty selfish in ZTD so this experience could have him empathize with Akane’s#‘selfishness’ in the previous games. realizing you’d do it too if your life was on the line#and Akane can see just how difficult it is being the one to directly have a hand in how people die or at least see their bodies.#and is it worth it to just save one person?#yes Akane’s games have a way for everyone to survive and win at the end. but in the moment the players don’t know that.#I think that configuration would do SO much for akane and Junpei to better empathize with one another during ZTD#this could’ve been a whole post but I wasn’t confident enough in my coherence to properly format it. so tags you get
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mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW
#thinkin too much about gortie side characters again.#sally this time and why she specifically talks about him the way she does#like dravo is obviously still shitty but to me he was. ‘just ‘neglectful#while sally actively hated and even felt terrorised by her own child#like. it’s not like i don’t understand her at all.#imagine you and your love don’t have much besides each other and your shop and you get pregnant and ready to raise a child#only for it to not be a child he didn’t and doesn’t cry ever and he learns everything so much sooner than most but then he never calls you#his parents and it’s not just a petty thing kids do sometimes you feel that he doesn’t see you as family and the worst part is that you#agree deep down#and as he gets older he doesn’t have any friends and actively rejects the notion of the entire concept#but then as time passes you hear about how he has entire groups of children following him and then several of them commit suicide#and that thing coming to sit with you and dravo at the dinner table says that he did what you did last week when the axe to chop wood broke#and you discarded it and got a new one#and he has these habits of ripping out flowers and making sure that they don’t regrow#and then you hear rumours about a friend’s daughter’s cat disappearing and think nothing of it#until you visit his tree house a month later and find a declawed cat and birds with clipped wings and crushed bugs that he keeps fondly#and then you see him with other children and they don’t know and his face is different and body language is entirely different#and were it not for the fact that you know better you would never see anything but a normal child#and you know that you are one who painstakingly brought this thing that should not be into the world and so you decide to end it all one da#and go to him as he’s asleep with the knife shaking in your hand#but he cries when you’re above him! screams at the top of his lungs!#so you beg for forgiveness even though you don’t deserve it through tears but as soon as the knife is put away you see the act drop and fee#his clever fingers having twisted your brain inside and out and you know that you can do nothing#and so the opportunity arises to at least remove him out of your life if not everyone’s lives and you take it immediately.#but you heard him talk. how he will close his fist around the world one day. and you know that it is not a matter of if but when.#like. imagine that. jesus dude.#like i hc her as someone that is messy and does not know a lot about life and she certainly wouldn’t have been a good mother but the love#or at least desire to love is there somewhere. and believing that having a child is really the only somewhat meaningful thing she can do#with her life. she’s not some hero or rich or anything of note. so there’s a lot obligation and not genuine desire for family here.#but she never really got the chance to be an actual mother in the first place so. who knows what that might have looked like
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a relationship so terrible you end up questioning your entire sexuality and everything about yourself
#i think i’m genuinely still upset about our ex (i say our because he was dating five separate people)#not even ‘i think’ — i KNOW i’m still upset.#and it’s making me wonder why i keep turning to emotionally unavailable masc people who VERY#clearly are trying to take advantage of me and very clearly demonstrate the fact that they will not be there in the way they should be#because in the moment of those Times i find myself giving people the benefit of the doubt in the way i wish people would give me the benefit#of the doubt. and i find myself forgiving them because that’s how love should be.#but i’m forgiving them for things that are so unforgivable that when i look back on it…. i get upset and angry and want to defend myself and#tell them that what they did is wrong. and they should apologize for it and own up to their shit.#but i know they never will and then i feel like i’m standing in front of my parents begging them to see me and hear me out and treat me -#like they should. i find myself repeating cycles that shouldn’t even exist all because i love. i love and i forgive and i trust and i give#and i confide in people who make themselves seem trustworthy#just so they can get their fresh hit of dopamine from someone new. and i feel like they mean it.#until i look back again and see that it’s all the same. every time. it’s the same thing when i read between the lines of their messages.#i’m not even just talking about one person. it kept happening and i’m always left feeling like i did something wrong because#i just wanted them to love me. and i loved them. or i could’ve loved them in a very real way.#i never know if they leave because they’re not interested or if i’m too much or if they were TOO interested.#i don’t know. but i’m still mad. i’m upset.#perpetually pouting.#if you care.#still gay as fuck obviously. just routinely questioning if i even like men. idk idk idk.#h.txt
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Saw a post earlier of someone being like "see how my puppy isn't bothering me while I eat and is minding his own business playing in the other room? That's because in this house animals aren't ever allowed to have people food from the moment they come home with me so they never even learn to want it." The post and most of the comments on it were very high and mighty "I'm a better owner than other people, I'm the boss of my dog, I don't allow my dog to offend me by showing desire for highly desirable resources" attitude and were very much judging other people for not having the same boundaries and annoyances about dog behaviors around food with their own dogs in their own homes and I just like... absolutely can not relate at all, tbh. There is a type of person who uses phrases like "people food" unironically, thinks that dogs being allowed to have good things that are usually intended for humans is somehow offensive and wrong, gets annoyed by a dog even being allowed to exist in the same room when people are eating, and thinks a dog just looking at them for more than 30 seconds while they have food or hanging out watching them doing stuff is the dog bothering them and being rude, and every time I encounter this type of person it makes me wonder why they even own a dog when they clearly hate natural dog behaviors and are bothered by dogs just wanting to be around people, do things with them, and receive human attention more than once in a blue moon.
When I make breakfast after I wake up and take it to my room to eat Hermes always eagerly follows right behind me because he expects he's going to get something from me. That expectation is almost always correct, and I feel absolutely zero shame about it. Him laying calmly at my feet or next to my chair quietly watching me eat is not "bothering me". He's quite literally not doing anything to be a bother, he's just patiently chilling. If a dog hanging out nearby and calmly watching while people eat bothers you enough to consider that bad nosey behavior that is deserving of you ridiculing other dog owners for allowing it that's uhhh... weird af? At least to me it's weird, sorry not sorry. Like maybe you actually just don't like having dogs around then if they can bother you without even really doing anything? Cuz IDK about y'all but I love my dogs hanging around me and wanting to be close to me and even seeking engagement from me. I love them being excited about being around me and following me around because they know I give them good things. I also like having their attention and eyes on me in general - especially Hermes, as a dog of a breed that is often more environmentally focused than handler focused and whose attention I've had to work for and earn. Looking at me is something that I specifically reward all my dogs for and immediately start to capture during their initial introductions to clicker training because I find it to be beneficial during training sessions (as well as a good way to charge the clicker), so it would be ridiculous and unfair for me to get annoyed by it and discourage it in other scenarios like when I'm eating. In fact, I see Hermes calmly laying down nearby and politely seeking eye contact with me whenever I look his way while I'm eating my breakfast as a sign that he knows how to act to get what he wants because he understands his training well, and that he is putting that training to work by being an attentive calm good boy and waiting patiently for me to respect my end of the deal that I have taught him and give him his reward for the behaviors he's offering that I have repeatedly asked him for in the past.
Also like... if he is in the way somehow while people are eating or if we're eating something he can't have and I don't want him near us just in case someone drops something (even though he has an extremely solid leave it, still better safe than sorry) then I just tell him to go to his bed??? and then share a little bite of my food with him to reward him for going to lay on his bed if it's safe or give him something else like a couple of small dog treats or a pork chew on his bed if my food isn't dog safe. After that he will stay on his bed and keep being a calm patient boy because he's learned that staying on his bed after being told to go to it means he will continue to occasionally get more treats or small pieces of my dog safe food tossed to him for the duration of his time there until he is released. Often times because he's working so hard to be calm and patient to earn a few bites of my food he just ends up falling asleep next to me or on his bed, which is definitely the opposite of being bothersome. I like to thank him for that patience and calmness by gently waking him up to share the last bite of my food or give him a little treat jackpot and some praise before releasing him.
Maybe I'm a "bad" trainer (lol) but I enjoy spoiling my dogs by sharing some of my dog safe "people food" with them in moderation, and you can definitely share "people food" with dogs without making them annoying or untrustworthy around food. Despite what the person who made that post seems to incorrectly think, simply letting a dog have a taste of "people food" sometimes does not create unwanted bothersome behaviors around food. Rewarding unwanted behaviors that bother you instead of wanted behaviors that don't bother you is what causes that. That's it, that's the sole cause. Like... you could just only share food with them if they're being calm or waiting patiently on their bed or whatever it is you want from them during meal times. Boom, the "bothering" problem is solved and your dog still gets to enjoy a special treat. In fact, my experience as a dog trainer is that the high value and novelty of that special "people food" treat often makes the rewarding of the not-bothering behavior you want from them while you eat much more motivating and effective than giving them one of their regular treats or chews as a reward or distraction, so the settling down not-bothering behavior you want is even more likely to be consistently freely offered up in the future since it is so highly rewarded.
When I've had clients in the past express concerns about causing begging by giving their dogs "people food" or tell me they feel guilty about it because they've been told by people like that poster I saw that it's a bad thing to do in general, this has been my advice to them - not to stop doing the whole sharing thing that makes them and their dog happy, but just to make it more productive for the kind of relationship they want to have with their dog and the behaviors they are wanting to see. It's a simple solution that can turn a meal into a nearly effortless high value training session for teaching settling during household activities and around food, which is something that is a common frustration to achieve for a lot of inexperienced dog owners. If you handle your dogs sometimes being given bits of food scraps as treats this way then everyone wins, especially the people who like to spoil their dogs and share food with them (which is VERY NORMAL TO WANT TO DO BECAUSE WE ARE A SOCIAL SPECIES THAT BONDS THROUGH RESOURCE SHARING) because now those people can turn that desire to spoil their beloved companions into some easy training. Just be sure to consider if ingredients are dog safe or not and be mindful of oversharing and sharing foods with high fat content because maintaining a balanced diet is important for health.
Also that OP apparently doesn't realize this yet based on the wording of their post, but if you have a dog that is at all decently food motivated then just ignoring them while you have food and never sharing is not going to teach them to leave people alone in the presence of food and never try to seek food from anyone. This is especially true if anyone ever accidentally drops something around your dog (it'll happen eventually) and they snag it and self reward because you never actually taught them not to do that, or if anyone else in your house isn't as firm with that boundary or is unable to enforce it consistently and ends up giving them food purposefully or accidentally (as can often happen in households with children or that sometimes invite guests over). "I don't ever share people food with animals in my house starting from day one and I ignore them when food is out so they never learn to even want it to begin with" is not training your dog to leave food or people who are eating food alone. That's doing nothing and hoping that your new puppy or dog doesn't care about the delicious smells of food or people gathering together in the house for food related activities multiple times a day enough that they will quickly get bored and give up on trying to investigate all "people food" related activities for the rest of their lives without you training them, which is an absolutely ridiculous expectation. Just not ever giving a dog any of your food doesn't make it stop smelling like food to them and won't magically make them never be curious about seeing what you have and if they can get some of it. They don't have to be given food by you off your plate to know that it smells interesting or to figure out that seeing you eating it means it might be something they can eat. Having a superiority complex about NOT actually training your new puppy how to act around food and ignoring them as "training" instead is certainly funny, in a "not funny haha, funny weird" kind of way. It's also pretty irresponsible since some foods that humans eat are dangerous to dogs. Instead of just ignoring them when food is around and hoping they'll learn to leave all food that isn't their dog food alone on their own, a responsible owner should actually be actively teaching their dogs to leave food in general alone unless it is offered to them, even when food is left where they can easily get to it.
Anyway, if people could just stop being weird about dogs doing normal dog things and existing in spaces around humans, do some basic research on dog behavior and how dogs learn before getting a dog, actually train their dogs to the minimum level required to make themselves not be regularly upset at their dogs for acting untrained and "bothering" them, and stop developing weird superiority complexes because they get lucky for a while right after bringing home a new dog or puppy and it manages to not cause them any problems or upset them yet... that would be cool.
#sorry just ranting#long post#sometimes uniquely good dogs make bad owners feel like uniquely good owners#when they are in fact not uniquely good owners at all and just have a very intelligent and adaptable and forgiving dog#... or just an easily distracted puppy who cares more about his new toys right now than begging for food or eating the carpet lol#having an easy dog doesn't make someone a better owner or more educated than anyone else#all it means is they have an easy dog#or even a dog that just happens to be easy so far for whatever reason and will not necessarily continue to be easy in the future#superiority complexes in dog ownership and dog training make bad owners and bad trainers and insufferable people to be around#confusing being lucky with being educated or skilled is how egotistical owners who refuse to ever be wrong are made#and when those kinds of owners encounter dogs or situations that aren't easy they make dogs suffer for it#because they can't be wrong so that means the dog is always wrong and therefore the dog must be corrected of their wrongness#the amount of times I have seen that exact scenario play out in front of me even with people who would claim to be experienced trainers...#so many unnecessary corrections given to dogs who are trying but are confused and stressed because their owners don't know wtf they're doin#and don't know how to teach any dog who isn't uniquely easy and intelligent and adaptable like that one dog they had at some point is/was#wonder how that poster will feel in a few months#when their new puppy isn't as easily distracted by anything and everything that they give him to play with or chew on#and starts acting like a teenager with his own sometimes annoying and destructive teenage dog interests#and stops being an incidentally super obedient baby who doesn't really get into trouble yet despite lack of training#baby puppies of biddable breeds will have even the most incompetent owners thinking dog ownership is a cake walk lol#at least for the first 5-9 months - depending on how fast their individual brain starts developing capacity for teenage shenanigans#Hermes would have much rather played with his toys by himself than sit around begging us for food when he was a baby too#and then one day his brain developed enough to realize things existed in the house other than his toys and treat puzzles#and suddenly keeping himself busy with toys became a lot less satisfying for him and managing him stopped being so easy for us#that's just how it goes with babies#one day they wake up mentally#and then you actually have to teach them things so that they don't teach themselves things that you don't want them to learn instead#or you get unlucky and your baby is a little genius from the very start who uses their brain primarily for evil like Eevee lol#to be clear she was still a VERY easy puppy to me lol just so dang smart and aware of everything from the first day we got her home#so she started teaching herself inconvenient things and finding troublesome ways to entertain herself before I expected her to
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SO THERE'S THIS APOSTATE NAMED MORRIGAN.......
#so far my dragon age experience has been me having low expectations bc its an older game#and nostalgia does a lot of heavy lifting with some games and how people enjoyed them#and then me being blown out of the fucking water#i have so many theories about who what and why and from where and im so used to automatically dismissing most of them#bc games dont usually get That Serious but origins has not pulled any damn punches so far so why would they start now??#anyway this post is about morrigan who i thought would be a villain and is instead so fucking funny#the banter with alistair is killing me#you know what else is killing me? the fact that she can't be romanced by a female player#AND THE FACT THAT YOU CANNOT FUCKING ROMANCE CULLEN IN THIS GAME#HE WAS PRAISING YOU AND STUTTERING AND BEGGING YOU TO KEEP TALKING TO HIM IN THE MAGI TOWRR AND YOU CANT ROMANCE HIM????#i am SO mad#i am glad i learned early tho bc i wouldve been holding out on a cullen romance the entire game and been very confused#i think ill romance alistair? idk hes a bit too much of a frat boy for me but he is growing on me#and i do love a man with manners (templars apparently)#also he mellowed out a lot after the darkspawn battle and takes things more seriously now methinks#and tbh i dont have many other options LOL#lelaina is. not my type (at least not yet lol she literally JUST joined the party)#BUT i am very interested in zevran. i havent met him yet but i think ill like him#i wanted to romance cullen :( and then duncan after that :( and then morrigan after that :(#i am also very glad i decided to start with origins bc apparently some characters make appearances in later games#and i LOVE that stuff#no more googling for me tho!! ive never played a whole series without any spoilers so i want to try it
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(´・ᴗ・ ` )
#I really like the “We're the bad guys' enemy” line. For someone I generally despise Dazai has all my favourite lines in this show…#Idk I can't really vibe with the unbalance that there is between s/kk.#Like when push comes to shove‚ Dazai has the power to keep Chuuya alive or let him die.#I understand why they make a compelling dynamic in their complexity‚ but it just doesn't do it for me.#I'm a little sad my opinion on them hasn't really changed since I watched the anime for the first time...#Also; I really can't vibe with Chuuya allowing Dazai to kill Q. Yes I know Chuuya cares about his comrades deeply.#Yes I know it can be interpreted as Chuuya seeing himself in Q as a living weapon and being disgusted by it#(though I honestly don't think that was intentional of the author).#Yes I know Chuuya is a mafioso and kills people. No I don't think your personal issues justify you being a dick to other people I'm sorry.#Back to my main annoyance with the episode: I must have already talked about this but I hate hate hate the narrative#“the mafia works for the city” “the mafia deeply loves the city too” it's so so sickening and insulting please stop I'm begging.#Please visit any actual city with a rooted mafia presence for once in your life (signed: someone whose hometown was destroyed by the mafia.#The writers really don't know what they're talking about and‚ politely‚ it's offensive.)#Also b/sd keeping being extremely nationalist with Mori (who's largely depicted unsimphatetically for the first part of the episode)–#bringing up western thinkers and subtly mocking Fukuzawa for not knowing them–#and Fukuzawa (the righteous man. the noble spirit and just soul in this episode and Mori's antithesis)–#stepping forward to say that he knows strategists from the east (because who else would he need?)#I don't know if it's meant to symbolize the conflict with an hostile and invading foreign power (the Guild).#But it does come across as. A very isolationist way of thinking.#I know it's subtle but it's really evident for me. And I didn't want to talk about this any further…#But by bringing actual examples of this I hope I can better explain why I think that b/sd holds nationalist views–#and that I'm not just making it up out of nowhere. Otherwise I fear I'd only come off as pettily hostile to b/sd in everything#That's it. I feel like I've been losing a lot of mutuals over my main recently due to not shutting up (sorry)#so I suppose it's only fair I lose them on here too pffttt.#Tune in next week for more bad takes#random rambles
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series 3 is so frustrating because there is like a shining core of pure diamond underneath the problems . like conceptually it rocks so incredibly hard. but the problems
#dr who#i am being so honest when i say ten should have gotten on his knees and begged for simm!master's life#they should have framed the bit between him and martha's mom so different#like yes it is 10000% in character that the doctor with his bleeding heart and loneliness wouldn't want to kill him#even after everything that happened. because he's the only person he has left. 'i forgive you' was PERFECT.#but literally anyone else that suffered from what the master did. Deserves to rip him to shreds. so very obviously#and like i know.i KNOW that i am watching the 'funny immortal alien saves people through time and space' show#but i actually despise the doctor being framed as like an all powerful savior. or treated like one. even for a little bit. is Annoying#the first part of the series 3 finale having martha be humanity's last hope was SO GOOD bc it like kind of set her up as like#having to grapple with all that responsibility and attention like the doctor does. everyone's lives are in her hands. so crunchy#but when it like slides into 'everyone pls believe in our specialest boy in the world The Doctor <3' it just. falls flat#i feel like with a couple tweaks here and there in the execution and like actual fuckinnn people of color in the writer's room#series 3 would be PEAK media. but as it is it's just. falling short.#i do really appreciate martha deciding to leave ten on her own though. first of all. qpp down. second of all#she's realized that she can't keep traveling with him. bc (as i mentioned) hes someone who simultaneously needs saving#and refuses to be saved in the ways that matter. Yes im fucking ignoring the unrequited romance angle i think#it does a gigantic disservice to martha's character if u boil her down to that. fight me i dont care if that was the authorial intent#martha in the end is too kind to ten and ten keeps making her watch his meandering path of self destruction. toxic doomed qprism to ME.#anyway fuck. idk man series 2 consensus was that im dead inside and series 3 consensus is that the version i have of it in my head is peak#series 2 is better but i think because of my ten martha insanity i actually enjoyed watching series 3 more than series 2.#even if i got mad at it more than any other season. i think something is wrong with me. um. lmao#ten and martha#10 era
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gege needs to retire his character death note and hand it off to asagiri i swear 😭
#my sister (misinformed) told me yuta died in the latest jjk ch and i was so nervous looking at leaks#bc its smthn gege /would/ do and i really like yuta#thankfully he’s fine he just made an appearance in the latest ch thats all#tell me why my first thought after was ‘man that was a thrill i wish new bsd chapters made me feel like this’ 😭#my biggest gripe w. bsd will forever be how all the characters always come out of battles completely unscathed#nevermind the 500 injuries they sustained#nobody ever dies or gets new battle scars or life changing wounds etc etc it kinda makes the stakes boring when you know the character will#be fine when alls said and done#and honestly this wouldn’t be problem for me if ! asagiri didnt deathbait so damn much !#he’s allergic to actually killing off a character and thats how i Know fyodor prob isnt dead#and neither is sigma bc fyodors ability is still a big mystery and we need them to reveal it for us#bc asagiri never killed anyone major off in the main manga before its hard to believe that he killed these two off 🤷♀️#and ig fukuchi but all those theories of him being the masked man at the s5 cliffhanger has me squinting suspiciously#tbh idc if its my fav character who dies if it’ll make the plot more interesting then send them to the gallows !!#(okay maybe not lucy but she barely gets any panel time shhh)#like i like fukuzawa but i also think itd be interesting to see what would’ve happened if he died in the battle vs fukuchi#bc the aftermath would be a change in status quo and it would’ve been interesting to see the change in dynamics in the ada and#how they deal w. his loss !!#on the other hand gege killing off his characters too frequently . . . doesnt rlly need an explanation#(jjk spoilers?) now w. yuta going up against sukuna . . . please keep him safe gege i beg 🥲#anyways. enough rambling now to go back to shoving bsd to the back of my mind lol#ayra croaks
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certain qidian authors shld start a side hustle writing dnmei actually 🙂↕️
#男频不写男同还写什么 <- golden words to live by#*#fan xian/li chengze (qing yu nian):#written to be foils.. the mirror inverse of one another..the zhen baoyu to his jia baoyu#dislikes him on sight perhaps bc they r too similar souls#asks him not once but twice to bow out of the succession struggle bc if he does he promises to give him a lifetime of peace#“我许你一世平安” which in some contexts would be so romantic#begs him to live after his failed rebellion and of course lcz being who he is kills himself in front of him#更香的是他们还是同父异母的亲xiong dei😇#and bc u cant have enough hong lou meng references during their first meeting lcz’s delicate looks also remind him of lin daiyu..#and he wonders why he keeps thinking of him when he’s not even gayy (and i quote 好龙阳)#li huowang/zhuge yuan (dao gui yi xian):#his 白月光. his fleeting moment of respite in a truly horrific world#who sacrifices himself to save him from the powerful eldritch being after him#who he then strangles w his own two hands bc anyone who dies by his hands becomes part of his hallucinations so#at least he’ll still be with him in some capacity#hallucination!zgy tricks lhw in exchange for the survival of his country (所以T_T在渊子心里其实家国天下>>>🔥)#and feels so guilty abt it that he dissipates (perma death) leaving lhw to cry for three days straight at the bottom of a well#pulls himself together to fulfill zgy’s final wish of saving the people and when they ask his name he says zhuge yuan#builds a white jade buddha statue w/ zgy’s face for the ppl to worship#also he carries around a sword made from zgy’s spine and that brings him comfort#oh how could i ever forget pingxie (dmbj):#his lifetime in exchange for ten years of his innocence#“im a man with no past or future. if i disappeared from this world no one would notice” “at the very least i would notice”#“i’ve thought abt my connections to the world and it seems the only one i can find is you”#many such cases………..#if these were on jj literally吊打秒杀 the girlies (me) would EAT IT UPPP#QIDIAN YAOI📣📣📣📣
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takane's self deprecating inner monologues mirroring the fandom notoriously misinterpreting her as far meaner than she actually is. *holds head*
#also applies to shintaro#but shintaro is indeed pretty mean in hs soooo#post str i think he'd also be dramatic and sort of a jerk but its like. hes justified (looks at retaining)#hs days shintaro. u will regret this. dont be like that. ive seen into your future. just be nice im begging you#anyways takane. i study her under a microscope#OH and when i say Fandom i mean older fandom#sinceas there hasnt been. Content. yknow. so theres no way of knowing if ppl still interpret her that way#<- i dont have anyone to talk abt kage.pro with❤️ i wouldnt know. i just see what ppl post. sometimes.#what was i talking about#oh yeah#i had a thought i really did.#but i lost it#basically takanes self bashing makes me so sad#shes right to a degree because takane is indeed a selfish person (glares at manga route 2)#she wouldve NEVER walked away. takane being jealous haruka got another friend 1. would not happen 2. even if it did it would NOT keep her#from hanging out with him.#shes precisely too selfish for that. she precisely likes haruka so much and wants to Be with him so bad she doesn't give a fuck what ittake#sorry for the sudden manga 2 bashing i just needed to explain. takane is selfish#and she IS also attention starved❤️❤️❤️#but she barely recognized her good qualities. if at all#ugh. sorry. i was going somewhere with this. i love her#kagevinnie
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[cut to me lying facedown in a puddle of tears]
#multi makes text posts#NO ONE TALK 2 ME IT'S 2 AM AND THE DARK URGE IN BG3 IS MAKING ME CRY#(to be clear i'm not actually upset)#(but ohhh oh fuck that hit me emotionally)#bg3 spoilers in the next tag; eden campaign specific#FUCKING. EDEN WAKING GALE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT BEGGING HIM TO STAY AWAKE#AND TO NOT LET EDEN SLEEP#BECAUSE EDEN'S TERRIFIED THE MOMENT HE SHUTS HIS EYES THAT HE'S GOING TO HURT THE PEOPLE HE LOVES#GALE ESPECIALLY#AND GALE BEING CONFUSED AND SCARED BUT DOING WHAT EDEN ASKS AND TYING HIM UP SO HE CAN'T HURT ANYONE#AND THEN STAYING AWAKE WITH EDEN FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT ENCOURAGING HIM TO FIGHT IT#WHILE EDEN IS THRASHING AND SCREAMING AND TRYING TO RIP HIMSELF APART#AUGHGHGHGHGHGHG#AND THEN THE NEXT MORNING COMES AND EDEN IS HIMSELF AND HE'S JUST... A FUCKING WRECK#RECOILING AWAY FROM GALE AND SOBBING WHILE APOLOGIZING AND BEGGING TO DIE#AND GALE JUST... IS STILL SCARED BUT STILL DETERMINED THAT THEY'LL GET THROUGH THIS#HOLDING EDEN GENTLY AND SAYING THAT HE'LL PROTECT HIM. HE WON'T LET ANYONE HURT EDEN--NOT EVEN HIMSELF#i'm sorry for the caps but oh my god this made me wanna fucking bawl#eden: why don't you hate me for this? i'm a monster. i've hurt so many people#gale: hate would be too easy. i'd rather focus on loving you and keeping you safe.#these two hurt me
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I really do deserve a fucking apology for all the times my friends and family valued strangers on the internet and their opinions more than me
How am I supposed to be just fine with being ignored for years and years or bullied for openly liking what I like, only for those same fucking people to then turn around YEARS LATER, AFTER THE DAMAGE WAS ALREADY DONE, and be like "actually this is cool, so glad I found it" while still ignoring me. Why am I not allowed to be fucking pissed about it? Why is it considered ""gatekeepy"" when I get upset someone who deliberately ignored me for years and insulted the shit I enjoy when I asked them to get into it cuz I thought they'd like it suddenly finds interest in it because it got popular online, not because I'd been begging them to give it a chance and to listen to me for years???? Why is that not allowed????? THAT'S SUCH AN ASSHOLE MOVE, WHY IS IT 'NOT OKAY' TO BE MAD? WHY DON'T THEY GROW A SPINE AND APOLOGIZE FOR DISMISSING ME FIRST? HOW ABOUT THAT?????
#I fucking hate this it keeps fucking happening#I have a fucking LIST of all the times it's happened this is not a one time thing it's fucking reoccurring#Nothing I say will ever fucking matter to anyone not even the people who are 'supposed' to care about me#Grumble grumble#Literally showed my dad a song and he was like 'well I preferred the one that came on autoplay after'#And I was like 'oh that song? Oh you mean THAT song? OH YOU MEAN THE SONG I SHOWED YOU MONTHS AGO THAT YOU DISMISSED AND CRITICIZED?'#THAT ONE? YEAH? YEAH???#Gee I wonder why you like it NOW and not when *I* showed it to you!#UGHHHHH#Begged my friend to get into OP and he would go 'no it's too long and the art style is kinda ugly'#GUESS WHO'S NOW ASKING ME TO GUIDE HIM THRU THE ANIME CUZ OP WAS TRENDING ON TWITTER OVER THE SUMMER#UGHHHHHHHHH#Begged friends to watch Trig/un for years it was always the first anime I'd recommend anyone when they asked and was always ignored#Guess what everyone did once stampede started *trending on Tumblr*?#They certainly didn't care when I asked or when I was hyping up the trailer for stampede or literally any point before then#Nobody would ever reply to me when I talked about it#But now that it's trending on Tumblr NOW they're interested. GJSGDHDJDJDK#Happened with Pe/rso/na and Ro/tm/nt too.#Begged my middle and high school friends to get into the per/sona series. Nooo never it's sooo lame#Get made fun of for being hyped for 5's release in Calc class#Man you'd never believe who I see on Twitter as the biggest fans nowadays!!#Same with ro/tm/nt begged my friends to watch it but was dismissed and the episode I showed them heavily criticized bc it wasn't 2012#Then learn the same friend who criticized it so heavily bc he *hated it* WAS WATCHING VIDEO ESSAYS EXPLAINING WHY THE FINALE WAS SO GOOD#And there's NEVER any acknowledgement like 'hey sorry I made fun of/hated on this thing I see why you like it now'#Am I actually mental?! Would that not be the polite thing to do???#I would do that if a friend begged me to watch something and I openly dismissed them or criticized it as my reason why#And then later on I saw something online and was like 'actually...'#I would GO TO THAT FRIEND AND BE LIKE 'hey sorry I dismissed you earlier man I get why you like it now' AND THEN WE COULD TALK ABOUT IT#This isn't even about like distant acquaintences some of these people are my best friends and my roommates and my own fucking parents#People I talk to daily or near-daily. You're just not going to acknowledge what happened before??? Just expecting me to be fine with it????
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...i'm starting to wonder if i wasn't actually pretty often failed by the adults in my life as a young kid tbh.
#i'm always doubtful where to put the blame#in a morally neutral causality kind of way to be clear#because like. i dont know. if i was the adult. confronted to the opaque behavior of a child. would i have done better?#but also i can't help but think#why the fuck did they make me skip a grade (last grade of primary on top of that) when i was notorious for never doing my homework#and was incredibly inconsistent across topics#like i sucked at math. like ''needs to count on fingers to do a simple addition or substraction'' sucking at math.#like i never learned any multiplication tables sucking at math#like i never got how to pose divisions and still can't at age 18 because logicomathematics are completely counterintuitive to me#and just. the work was never done to make me Get It. my work or teachers' work who knows. but perhaps skipping a grade wasnt the solution#or like#apparently when i was three years old the pediatrician suspected smth was up with me#either autism directly or ''generally suspicious child'' we're not clear on that#but he told my parents. and everybody said ''we better test that'' and then. nothing. idk.#they filled a parental report of behaviors questionnaire for... adhd i think? autism maybe. and that's it. never fucking heard about it.#god. i just remembered my mom saying proudly they almost never put me in the nursery as a kid.#always either with a parent or family or a nanny.#and perhaps mother. you could have foreseen that a kid with no siblings no pets no kid neighbors no playdates. would end up socially fucked#i remember the teachers scolding late students and showing us that we were supposed to be in bed by 9:30 or something#and internally i was like BUDDY AT 9PM WE'RE HALFWAY THROUGH DINNER#MOM'S BEEN HOME FOR LESS THAN AN HOUR#and shit. i don't know. i was scared of the dark as a child. to the point that even with the compromise#of keeping the door ajar and lights in the hallway (which i had to fucking advocate for btw)#i still slept curled up in the bathroom on a towel sometimes when it got too scary#and i would cry and scream before going to bed. i would beg my mom for sleeping pills from a young age.#i would often find myself in the morning sleeping with my face smushed between the pages of the book i literally fell asleep on#because i read until my eyes gave out#and a couple years later when i got a 3ds i'd play at night and if my dad caught me he'd storm into my room and i'd hide under the comforte#and he'd punch a couple times and whisper-yell at me not to do that and go to sleep#it took until i was about 15yo for me to see a sleep specialist
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