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angstama · 3 years ago

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god knows you tried | manjiro (mikey) sano

pairing: bonten!mikey x reader

genre: angst

warnings: heartbreak, attempt suicide(?), original characters/manga plot (pls do not read if you haven’t read the manga D: ), mentions of religion, implied sex (no smut ok!)

summary: god knows you tried your best. if only mikey knew how hard you’re trying too then perhaps this love wouldn’t hurt as much as you thought.

words: 1823 words

a/n: i think this sucks but... i hope you enjoy it! <3

god knows you tried.

you watched the ex-toman boys eagerly catching up with takemichi quietly, hands resting against your chin as you took in the rare sight in front of you with a sad smile etched on your lips. this was the happy ending that mikey had sacrificed for everyone but himself.

“a penny for your thoughts?” mitsuya asks, plopping down next you on to the stone steps. that’s right, it’s june 19th 2018, toman’s formation day anniversary and everyone had gathered around to re-open the time capsule from twelve years ago. “hm? nothing much. just missing a particular someone.” you hummed, dragging your fingers across the ground to draw a heart. mitsuya nods understandingly, knowing not to pry any deeper anymore and for that, you’re thankful.

crouching down, you hesitantly picked up the the blue coloured envelope you left behind twelve years ago. unsure if you’d wanna read the contents of the letter your naive self written back then. with a deep breath, you slipped open the cover. revealing a photo of candid photo of you and mikey leaning on each other asleep with your mouths wide open taken by emma.

dearest y/n,

i wonder what you’re doing right now?

are you perhaps finally studying in film?

has that idiot manjiro finally proposed to you?

or are you the one who proposed to him?

“y/n, you’ll be with me for a long time right?” mikey asked, staring at the very sky that you both loved oh so very much with your hands intertwined. having grown up with each other since young had pretty much given you both the illusion that the two of you will always be a part of each other’s world. and you hoped with every inch of your heart that mikey wants it to be that way forever. “of course. you’re my heaven and home mikey. i wouldn’t go anywhere else without you by my side.” you squeezed his hand in assurance, knowing that at this very moment, mikey was at his most truthful and vulnerable self with you.

whatever it is, i hope that you’re living the happy life with him that you’ve been dreaming of.

signing off,

toman’s honorary member, y/n l/n.

everyone was silent. even hakkai who had been making fun of everyone’s letter kept quiet. the boys knew how much you loved and you still love mikey. each opting to give you the concerned and sympathetic look. you could feel you heart breaking even more for you knew you weren’t doing anything that you had hoped for back then.

you felt mitsuya’s comforting hand softly grabbing onto yours. “well that’s depressing,” you chuckled softly, wanting to get rid of the awkward tension in the air as soon as possible. “let’s grab some ramen, i’m starving.” and with that, you let your feet drag you away from the heavy atmosphere with your head hung low.

perhaps the hurt wouldn't be as painful if you weren’t the only one who knew what kind of path mikey had chosen to go down. you see, when mikey turned his back against all his closest friend, you had the privilege of staying as his only constant thanks to your stubborn nature but even with that, you weren’t enough to keep him away from his dark impulses. mikey chose the path to destruction and the only thing that you could do was watch from the sidelines and be there when he shows up at wee hours of the night to borrow your body. but you didn't mind. it was during these most intimate moments with mikey that you finally get to feel a piece of him again when he spews the words of “i love you” so effortlessly.

god knows that you tried.

“mikey those aren’t good for you.” you frowned, snatching the capsule away from his hand seconds before he could flush it down his system. “what the fuck y/n?” the angered male snaps. you felt yourself falling and back colliding against the hard ground. opening your eyes, you see mikey pining you down with nothing but void darkness in his eyes. “i’ll fucking kill you if you do it again.” mikey taunts, he was serious and you know it.

“then kill me mikey.” the words slipped out of your tongue instantly. you were tired. tired of trying. you don't know what else can you possibly do to help mikey anymore. mikey says nothing but got off you. he dusted himself and without sparing you single glance, he showed you his back again, walking out of the door where sanzu was already holding open for him. “get her home.” you heard him say.

it’s been a week since you guys opened the time capsule. nothing much had happened since then except you’ve been spending more time with hina considering how she’s often over to mitsuya’s studio for gown fitting. you admired and envy her love story with takemichi. but who were you to complain? you were lucky enough that mikey still wanted you around. so it shouldn’t hurt so much when you sae her adorning the beautiful wedding gown that mitsuya had spent months on tailoring.

you let out a tired yawn, stretching your arms above your head as you finished touching up the last few bits of editing on your laptop. you looked over at the calendar on your table, a pink heart circled over today’s date and smiled. “mitsuya, i’m gonna knock off first okay?” you announced, tidying up your table and reaching out for the bag of the familiar favourite deserts of a certain male.

mitsuya nods, “thank you for your hard work y/n”. he flashes you a smile, eye slowly trailing to the white plastic bag dangling from your side as you waved goodbye, back facing him and walking away. “you’re going to see him aren't you?” you stopped in your tracks. “i know he never left you. plus you got a bag filled with dorayakis and taiyakis. that’s pretty obvious.” mitsuya chuckles. you always knew mitsuya to be perceptive but it never once occured to you that your best friend who is also your boss would ever catch on to the secret you’ve been hiding for twelve years.

“how did yo-”

“be careful y/n.” mitsuya waves you off, going back to whatever he was doing. a fond smile creeps onto your lips as you watched mitsuya working hard. “thank you mitsuya. for everything. really,” you whispered, but loud enough for the dual dyed coloured hair boy to look up again when you walked away.

you made your way towards the secluded vip section of the club through swarms of body swaying around you until you saw the familiar tall pink haired male standing outside the golden door.

“hey sanzu,” you greeted, barely audible over the loud booming music. you were about to push the door open when sanzu towers over you immediately, denying you of your entrance. you looked at sanzu in confusion, “it’s me, y/n. i’m here to see mikey.” you said loudly, voice straining to over power the background noise. “ i know. but mikey will not be seeing anyone right now.” he retorts back.

surely mikey knew that you were visiting tonight right? after all it’s your anniversary date. you tilted your head at sanzu. not fully understanding what he’s saying. to say that you’re feeling absolutely livid would be an understatement right now. you’re too tired, angry and broken hearted to process anything anymore so you exploded. you only wanted to see your boyfriend. was that a very difficult request?

“sanzu,” you said lowly, eyes staring blankly into his and as if on cue, you brought your knees to his precious manhood before making another high kick at him, bringing him down. it was a technique that mikey had taught you when you were younger and attending martial arts lesson together with baji. god you missed baji so much.

“y/n because you’re short, you can do this instead.” mikey suggested smugly, kneeing poor baji’s little friend before swinging his legs much more harder than he intended to at baji’s profile when he bent forward. the main point was to get your opponent to lean forward so that your legs could reach high enough to create an impact on their skull. you eyes lit up in excitement, “wow! that’s so cool! let me try it!” you jumped impatiently. turning towards mikey to execute the exact same move. “wait n-! AHH,” mikey’s eyes widened, and before he knew it, you had completely knocked him over.

that day, as mikey and baji lied down with pain still intact barely moving an inch, shinchiro only gave you a thumbs up and praised you for taking down the invincible mikey. you were the only one who could do that.

“sanzu, i’ll see my boyfriend as and when i’d like to.” you said curtly, eyeing sending daggers at him lying on the ground before stepping over him to swing the door open, revealing your petite self to the other bonten’s executives and hostess who were staring at you in surprise.

you don’t see anyone else but your lover who’s currently sitting in the center with two pretty hostess sitting by his side. you don’t hesitate and begun walking towards him. “get your hands off my man.” you said calmly. there was tension in the air and from the corner of your eyes, you could see the executives slowly getting up to leave as if on cue.

“aren’t you as stubborn as always,” he raises a brow as you settled down next to him, pouring the bag of dessert on the glass table in front of you. you smile softly, grabbing a packet of taiyaki and handing it to him before grabbing one for yourself too. “happy 14th anniversary mikey.” you mumbled softly before grabbing a bite. 14 years, that was how long you two had been together for. “mhm. happy 14th anniversary y/n.” mikey hums, allowing you lean in close to him and resting your head on his chest.

you take in the scent of mikey for you knew that this is going to be the last time you’re going to be able to hold mikey close to you. you didn't want this moment to end but you were too tired to continue on and see what's going to happen the next when you go back to just another normal day. you held tightly to the gun you hid in your bag, shutting your eyes tightly.

“hey mikey,” you called out. you never thought you’d see it again but you saw a flash of endearment in his eyes when you called him. “i love you so much, promise you’ll take care of yourself alright?” you smiled warmly before pulling the gun out of your bag and putting it against your head.

god knows you tried.

god knows you did your best and now you’re going home.

bang!

#tokyorev x reader #tokyo revengers #mikey x you #mikey sano #mitsuya takashi #toman #chifuyu matsuno #mikey x y/n #fanfic

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icerosecrystal · 3 years ago

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An Unexpected Turn Of Events

Mominette Month 2021

Day 01 - Find A Child

Masterlist

Authors note: Hi, everyone! Just one quick to let you all know so that this fic is not confusing for you. This fic is a reverse Robin fic. In other words, Dick is the youngest instead of the eldest, and Damian is the oldest instead of the youngest. This same thing applies to all of the other bat children as well.

Marinette sighed in relief as she finished rifling through her purse. She had woken up late and had hastily left her hotel room for her consultation. She had thankfully not left behind anything that she would need during the consultation. Feeling a bit paranoid, she looked once more through her purse, and there was the tape measure, pencils, notebook, sewing kit, and the NDAs. She may or may not have flipped through the grimoire belonging to the guardians and found the spell for expanding the space in her purse to be the way it was for her yo-yo when she transforms into Ladybug. Unlike her yo-yo, the expansion was still limited. But the extra space was still beneficial.

As Marinette was walking, she pulled out her phone to look at the time. 9:50, she thought, leaves me enough time to get to Wayne Tower by 10:00 if I want to be on time. As she was putting her phone away, she felt something hit her legs and torso. She let out a slight oof at the unexpected weight against her lower body. As she peered down, she saw a cute boy, probably around eight years old clinging onto her legs. He had black hair, and as he looked up at her with teary eyes, she saw the most devastating sparkling blue eyes she had ever seen. His slightly chubby cheeks were flushed pink, and his nose also had a pink tinge to it. The flushness was probably a result of the choked sobs he was currently letting out.

As Marinette looked around, she realized that none of the nearby grown-ups looked to be his parents, nor did they look like they were missing a child. She bent down and smiled softly at him, hoping to calm him down a bit. After a beat or two, her smile seemed to do the trick, and his sobs reduced down to a few tears. Once she knew that he had calmed down, she softly whispered, “ Hey, honey. Are you lost? Do you want me to find your parents?”

He sniffled a few times before replying with a slight tremor in his voice, “Yes. Please help me find my Boose.”

“Your Boose?” Marinette questioned.

“Yes,” he slightly whimpered, “Boose is my new daddy. My other daddy and mommy had to say goodbye to me.”

Marinette gasped in shock at his words. This poor kid, so young, and yet his parents were gone. Dead. Marinette thought about the many akumas which her parents didn’t survive. She then shook herself out of her thoughts. Come on, Marinette. Stop worrying about yourself all time. Your parents are okay now. But this kid is lost! Get out of your head! Steeling herself, she gently asked him, “What’s your name, hon? Mine is Marinette, but you can call me Mari..”

Surprised by the kindness and warmth in her voice, he stuttered out, “Richard… but I like Dick better. Richard sounds old. I’m not old!” He then shyly added, “It’s nice to meet you, miss. You have a pretty name.”

Marinette smiled as she saw his confidence growing with every word he spoke. Marinette laughed aloud at the words he shyly said, “It’s nice to meet you too.” She then questioned, “Do you remember where your daddy is?”

Dick was now bouncing on his heels, and he squealed out in excitement, “Yes! My daddy is in the big, tall building with the huge ‘W’ on it!”

The corners of her mouth twitched in amusement. Dick’s excitement was infectious. His words then caught up to her. Well! It looked like luck was on her side after all! She would have enough time to get Dick back to his dad and still be on time for her consultation. She stood back up and then smiled down at him, “Well, I’m heading there too! So why don’t I take you back to your daddy?”

Dick nodded his head rapidly before holding her hand with his much smaller one. They then started walking towards Wayne Tower. Dick continued to babble on about the most random of things. He talked about his grumpy older brother, who it seemed begrudgingly liked him. He also discussed the many pets his older brother had. It also seemed like Dick’s adoptive dad had a slight problem with adopting too many children from what could be told from the many siblings that Dick mentioned.

When the door of Wayne Tower came into sight, Dick stopped talking, allowing them to walk in comfortable silence. As she was about to speak to ask him where in the building his father worked or the name of his dad, Dick blurted out, “I like you, Miss Mari. Can you be my mommy? I don’t have a new one yet!”

Marinette stopped in shock before trying to stutter out something, anything, but all of her words were incoherent. What do you say in response to a question like that, she thought to herself? She saw Dick looking at her for an answer, and after a while, he decided to pull out some puppy eyes. Shoot! Marinette thought. I need to say something to stall for time. At least until I get him to his dad. She reassured him, “I am thinking about my answer, Dickie! But how about we first get back to your daddy, and then we talk about it?”

Dick contemplated her words before nodding in agreement and practically bouncing through the doors. Marinette sighed in relief and also walked through the doors. Her head was down as she speculated what she should do about Dick’s question. Suddenly, a rough voice spoke up in front of her, “Hello. Ms. Dupain-Cheng, I presume.”

Marinette lifted her head, and there in front of her was Bruce Wayne, her newest client. And clinging to him was the very boy that was holding her hand just seconds ago. She suddenly remembered hearing something about Bruce Wayne adopting the son of some acrobats who were in an accident. The name of the kid was Richard Grayson! She hadn’t made the connection!

Realizing that Bruce was looking for an answer, she hastily stuck out her hand, stuttering, “That is correct, Monsieur Wayne. Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

He stared at her hand before gently taking it and raising the back of her hand to his lips. “Please, the pleasure is all mine. Let’s make our way upstairs.”

She blushed at his gentlemanly actions before squeaking out a small, “Let’s.” The three of them climbed into the elevator and went to the top floor of the building. The doors of the elevator opened up, and Bruce gestured for her to go first. She did so and looked around at the beautiful interior of the building that she had not yet noticed. Bruce then opened up the door to what seemed to be his office. Inside she saw there to be seven kids. She smiled at them in greeting. Most of them smiled back at her. The exception to this was what looked to be the oldest and one of the younger ones. (Damian and Jason, if you didn’t figure it out.)

Marinette felt Bruce step closer so that he was next to her before he spoke once more, “These are all of my children, biological, adopted, or otherwise.” He pointed to the man with stunning green eyes stating, “This is my oldest son, Damian. He’s 22.” Damian gave a tight-lipped smile in response, along with a slight tilt of his head.

Next, Bruce gestured to what looked to be the second oldest saying, “This is Tim. He’s 18 years old.” He was sipping coffee and giving the briefest of nods to her. He looked seconds away from collapsing.

He then acknowledged a blonde girl, remarking, “This is Stephanie, but she likes to be called Steph. She’s 17 years old.” The girl seemed to be bouncing in place and close to bursting from excitement.

He pointed to a rough-looking boy stating, “This here is Jason. He just turned 15. He’s a few months older than the next youngest.” The boy smirked at Marinette in acknowledgment of his introduction.

Bruce finally gestured to a girl with Asian features saying, “This is Cassandra or Cass. She’s 14, but like I said, a few months younger than Jason.” The girl seemed to be peering through her very soul. After gazing for a few seconds, she hummed in what Marinette deemed to be satisfied as if she liked what she saw.

Bruce then turned towards her, “And you’ve already met Richard or Dick. Thank you for bringing him back.”

Marinette smiled in acknowledgment of his compliment before replying, “It was nothing Monsieur Wayne. He was all alone, so I had to help him. But he was delightful the whole time. Now as for what I came here for, what type of clothes have you been looking for–”.

But before she could continue, Dick blurted out, “Daddy, I like Ms. Mari! Can we keep her? I want her to be my mommy!”

The result was instant. The room burst into a flurry of noises, each of Bruce’s kids trying to speak over one another. Marinette was blushing very brightly. In fact, from how hot her face felt, she was sure that she was inventing new shades of red. Marinette looked over to see Bruce’s reaction and squeaked when she saw him staring at her with a sharp, analytical gaze.

Marinette took a few breathes to calm herself down. She then softened both her gaze and voice as she addressed Dick, “Dickie, honey, as much as I loved meeting you and talking with you, I, unfortunately, cannot be your mommy. Bruce is your daddy, and he will someday find a lovely lady who will be your mommy.”

At her last sentence, all or most of the kids seemed to have snorted in amusement. It seemed as if they disagreed with her statement. Dick looked sad and seemed to be growing teary-eyed. Marinette looked over to Bruce for some help but only found him concealing the amusement that he was most likely feeling quite well. If she hadn’t been Ladybug, she probably would have never noticed the slight bit of emotion peaking through his mask. She glared at him reproachfully as if saying, this is your kid, so you need to help me convince him that I would not make a good mother.

He rolled his eyes in return as if trying to say, Don’t kid yourself. You would make an excellent mother. And you’re already attached to him, don’t deny it.

As Marinette sighed in response, Bruce turned away from her towards Dick and knelt to his level. He then gently said, “Now Dick. Miss Mari can’t be your mommy.” Marinette started nodding as if agreeing with Bruce’s words. But then stopped when he continued, “But she can visit you and maybe one day be your mommy.”

Marinette opened and closed her mouth, no words coming out. Before shyly looking down before raising her head, stammering, “Well, I guess I could visit.”

All the kids started cheering in response. The exception to this was Damian. But the corner of his lips was slightly raised as if the start of a smile. Dick bounded over to her, hugging her and babbling out everything he wanted to do with her. And in all the chaos, Marinette’s and Bruce’s eyes met. They both exchanged small smiles.

Marinette then clapped her hands together, reminding them, “I do still have to do a consultation with all of you. So how about we do that, and then we can do something fun together?” Seeing everyone’s nods, Marinette then continued with the consultation. But unbeknownst to anyone in the room, their relationship would change drastically in the coming months. But ultimately, it would change for the better.

One Year Later

It has been a year since the faithful day when Dick requested Marinette to be his mom. And since then, they only seemed to grow closer. She had met Alfred, Bruce’s Psuedo father and the children’s pseudo grandfather. She thought that he was extraordinary. And honestly godsent. She also experienced a lot of adventures with the Waynes. In fact, after only four months of knowing each other, she figured out that they were the Bat-Family. She had caught them once after patrol and raised her eyebrow as if demanding an answer, and god did she get an answer from them!

Marinette and Bruce had also started dating. This change in their relationship occurred a few weeks after she found out their identities. They were now engaged to be married in a few months. All the children had warmed up to Marinette over the months, even Damian, who always withheld his emotions. But they had all come to see her as their mother figure and were ever so grateful for her. And so they wanted to do something for her birthday.

The very morning of her birthday, everything went wrong. Marinette woke up to quite the sight. All over the kitchen was what looked to be cake batter. It seemed as if they were trying to put the baking she had taught them to good use, but they had also made the cake batter explode. Marinette and Bruce stared at the mess before they both started laughing. Marinette had a light, melodic laugh, while Bruce had a very gruff laugh.

Marinette beckoned all of them forward for a hug before proclaiming, “I love that you all were trying to do something for me, but none of you had to do anything. But it’s the thought that counts, so thank you. But next time, please stay away from the kitchen.”

She then shooed them on their way before getting two mops, handing one to Bruce as she passed by him. She kissed him on the cheek before starting to clean up the mess, Bruce following her actions. She then quietly snickered, “Well, this was quite a sight to wake up to on your birthday. I would have thought that today would have been relaxing.”

She looked up to see Bruce shoot her a small look before shaking his head in amusement. “Mari, darling, when has our lives with them ever been relaxing? They are always getting into trouble.”

She snorted in response, “Yes, well, they get it from their father.”

Bruce glared at her lightly before pulling her into a deep kiss, “I don’t know. Their mother seems to be just as chaotic sometimes.”

She shook her head in amusement, pulling herself away from Bruce’s embrace and questioning, “How is this even my life anymore?”

He chuckled lightly, alerting her that he was about to sass her in some way. “Well, from what I remember, about a year ago, you came across this kid that–”

Marinette held up a finger to his mouth, stopping him from uttering another word. She was also glaring at him reproachfully. “Yes, I do know-how. I was there. Now go away so that I can clean up the rest of the kitchen. You’re distracting me.”

He let go of his mop before giving her another deep kiss and then darting away. As he strolled out of the room, he shouted over his shoulder, “Oh, I know how distracting I am. I am well aware of how irresistible I am, ma coccinelle.” He could hear her spluttering in response before yelling back at him, but he continued on his way to his office. Along the way, he chuckled to himself.

Back in the kitchen, Marinette was glaring at nothing. She was also plotting ways to show her fiance who the irresistible one was. She then sighed in happiness. Yes, her life was amazing. A year ago, if someone told her this would be her life, she wouldn’t have believed it. But now she was living it, and god was it amazing. Funny what finding a child will do to you, Marinette thought to herself before carrying on with her task of cleaning up the mess her kids had made. Yeah, life was amazing.

2,683 words

I actually got it done!

~ ❄ Crystal ❄

@mominettemonth

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astonmartinii · 3 years ago

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lemonade and star-crossed lovers, p1 (JJ Maybank)

Warnings: none yet, swearing? all core characters are aged up to 18, Rafe is 21.

JJ Maybank x kook!reader (super super slow burn) (this will hopefully be a series)

WC: 4.0k

Growing up, Y/N always heard jokes about how the eldest daughter was just the mum in a different font. She never used to believe it, but that was when she had present and dedicated parents. Now, it just seemed that with every addition to the Miller family, the less interested Kevin and Julie Miller became.

So here Y/N was, practically a mother to her three younger siblings.

Dylan is only a year younger than Y/N but is no less of a hassle, especially when his useless friends decide to crash at their place. But considering they had the most hectic house of Dylan’s friendship group, the Miller household was usually the last option.

Then there’s Anderson, he’s in his rebellious phase currently, getting to that point where he’s figured out that acting out could maybe get the attention of his parents. Though Y/N wasn’t sure how well his plans were working out.

Peach is the youngest and practically attached to Y/N’s hip. To an untrained eye, Y/N often looked like a teen mum as she took Peach with her to the grocery shopping. In fact, Y/N was sure that if the kooks in Figure Eight didn’t know her family, they’d sneer at her with the same ignorance that clouded their entire lives.

Y/N woke up glad - it’s the last day of school. Summer break looms. The idea of boneyard keggers and hot (but equally clueless) tourons, excited the girl. But she knew her summer reality would be looking after Peach, bailing Anderson out of jail and swatting away the affections of Dylan’s stupid friends.

—————————————

Dylan is already awake when Y/N comes knocking, taking extra close care to his hair.

“Oh, you’re up,” Y/N said, moving to ruffle his hair and grab the empty plate on his bedside cabinet.

“Jesus, fuck Y/N, was that really necessary?”

“Hey maybe if you spent more time on assignments than your hair you wouldn’t have to take so many summer classes - oh yeah, mum might not remember, but I do, and you will be going.”

“But it’s summer, surely it’s a violation to my human rights to go to school.”

“I’m sure you’ll survive, and maybe when you finally pass this year, you’ll thank me. Breakfast in 10.”

Dylan just flips his sister off, going back to admiring himself in the mirror.

Y/N next goes to Peach’s room to find her awake and rummaging through her draws.

“Hey, princess, what are you thinking for the last day? Third grade finished already, you’ll be my age soon, wheeling me into the retirement home.”

Peach erupts into giggles, pulling out a little pink summer dress and grabbing her pink sandals to complete the ensemble.

“All pink, we love. Breakfast in 10, alright, don’t want you to be late for the last day.”

Anderson’s room is last, Y/N doesn’t bother knocking on her parent’s door. Kevin is probably already down on Judy - his beloved boat. The room is typical of a 14 year old boy, it stunk, his weed paraphernalia was badly hidden and there was a lump of pillows under the cover instead of a boy.

Shrugging, Y/N picked up the dirty mugs in his room and moved downstairs. She’d been awake nearly an hour now but was still unsure of what to make for breakfast. Opening the fridge gave her the only possible answer, leftover pizza from the previous night and maybe a porridge pot, though considering there were only two siblings to account for, it would do.

Dylan and Peach joined her in the kitchen shortly after, each taking a slice or two of pizza.

“No Anderson and pizza for breakfast? Watch out, we'll be calling CPS as soon as we’re outside.“

“You don’t know where the bug is? Why does that boy insist on giving me early onset cardiac issues?”

“Don’t take it too to heart, I’m sure he’ll turn up by the second period.”

“Okay, go to school now. Dylan, are you okay to drop Peach off, I’ll pick her up.”

Dylan nods and ushers the youngest out of the door and to his car. Y/N lets out a sigh when she sees them leave the driveway and makes her way to the back door. Through the sliding door she can see her dad, Kevin on Judy instructing John B, the kid who worked on the boat, what to do. Y/N puts two slices of pizza on a plate and grabs an apple and ventures out to the dock.

“Morning Y/N.”

“Morning, John B, can I interest you in an apple? It’s all we have I’m afraid.”

“No worries, any breakfast is breakfast when you’re a pogue.”

“Oh John B, you know I don’t believe in all that sub-par class warfare bullshit.”

“Of course you don’t, but that’s very easy to say when you’re on the other side.”

“Touche.”

Y/N doesn’t say anymore, but moves to give her dad his breakfast. She liked John B and hoped he didn’t see her like the other kooks. Sure Rafe Cameron frequented her house, but she’s nothing like him.

“Thanks, squirt.”

Despite the nickname, Kevin was absent as ever, not moving to look at her.

“You’re children are off to school, don’t worry.”

Silence.

“Oh thank you Y/N, I really don’t know what we’d do without you! You’re such a gem, you’re really unappreciated and we don’t deserve you! Thanks dad, I really needed to hear that. Are you coming later?”

“Where?” Kevin grunted, with pizza in his mouth.

“My graduation? Did you forget that was today?”

The awkward silence was enough of an answer for Y/N.

“Sorry squirt, I promised to go to the mainland to pick something up for your mother.”

With that, Y/N stormed off Judy, towards the house and into her room. When she sat down on her bed she could think about what just happened. She knew her parents didn’t care about her, but missing their first child’s graduation for a small errand to the mainland?

Now that the house was quiet again, she could get ready - she was graduating today and as valedictorian she wants to look her best. Julie, her mum, is in Washington on some mysterious job venture, Y/N wasn’t told until she came down in the morning a few days ago and saw Julie with her suitcases. She guessed that one positive of her parents’ absenteeism is her ability to steal Julie’s expensive jewelry to wear.

Y/N looked in the mirror, she did clean up nice when she wanted to. Her lengthy hair is in a half-up, half-down style, with minimal makeup and a red knee-length dress. The dress hugged her figure and complemented her graduation gown perfectly. Too bad none of her family would be there to see it. She knew deep down that Peach and Dylan would’ve attended if possible, and Anderson would maybe even make an appearance, especially if there was food involved.

Y/N put her matching red heels on and grabbed her cap from her closet. After one final look in the mirror and putting her printed speech into her bag, the young girl made her way down the stairs.

To her surprise, none other than John B sat in her kitchen drinking a glass of water.

“You clean up nice kook,” said John B, a smug smirk on his face.

“Thank you, John. Don’t you have graduation today?”

“Eh, yeah. I’m just going for the food though, school isn’t really my thing…” John B looked closer at her cap. “I’m practically the opposite to you Miss Valedictorian”.

“Hmm, well at least someone in this house noticed, thank you John B. I’m going now, I didn’t notice your van out front, you need a lift to yours?”

“Is that really on your way, wouldn’t want Miss Valedictorian to be late to her own event, you got a speech ready?”

“I do as a matter of fact, but I want to be just on time, minimise the time people have to ask about the whereabouts of my parents. So, do you want a lift or not?”

“Sure thing, Miss Valedictorian.”

Y/N doesn’t acknowledge the nickname, but secretly loved it, it was a joke, but at least someone was appreciating her achievements. Peach would, she knows, but she’s not really at the point of understanding what it means and the others really are wildcards.

She led John B out to her small car, a baby blue Beetle. The boy smiled at her choice in car,

“I’m sure that a kook like you could afford better than this.”

“Don’t insult Shelby in her presence, weren’t you ever taught manners? Now get it and give me directions.”

The drive was fun, not that John B would tell Y/N that. He enjoyed her music choice, Mac Miller blasting from her speakers and the windows were fully rolled down, damned be her hair.

Y/N neared the chateau and came to a stop. There were a few people sitting on the porch, looking over in confusion.

“Yo, what’s with the kook-mobile, John B?” The blonde yelled from his seat on the beaten-up couch.

When John B only turned to Y/N to say thank you, the interest peaked on the porch. The little gang of pogues moved towards the car.

“John B, I didn’t realise your job came with a taxi service, why did I have to drop you off this morning?” The blonde, once again.

“Lay off JJ, this is Y/N Miller, she’s the daughter of Kevin, the guy whose boat I work on. She’s on her way to her graduation and offered me a lift.”

“Since when are kook graduations on the Cut?” The other boy interjected.

Y/N decided to speak up, “if I knew an act of kindness would cause so much strife, I’ll just let you walk home next time. Now, I do have somewhere to be, so it was nice to see you, John B. I'm sure I’ll see you again this week.”

“Bye Miss Valedictorian, good luck with your speech,” John B said, getting out of Shelby.

“You’re the valedictorian?” Kiara finally spoke, face shocked.

“Yeah, surprising what happens when you show up for school right?” Y/N snapped, angrier than she intended.

“Oh yeah, sorry. I guess I thought that maybe Sarah would get it, especially if Ward has anything to do with it.” Kiara grimaced, she didn’t mean to offend the Miller girl.

“You can’t buy the valedictorian title, well I’m sure you could, but not to flex, but my grades were miles better. If we’re being really ironic though, Ward technically does pay for the valedictorian,” Y/N said with a smile, not meaning to brandish her academic success in their faces.

A chorus of “huhs?” from the pogues surrounding her car told Y/N that they weren’t catching her drift.

“I’m Ward Cameron’s assistant. Sorry, I didn’t make that very clear.”

“You have a job, but you’re a kook?” the blonde, JJ, said.

“Yes, blondie, some of us do have to look out for ourselves, didn’t your parents tell you not to judge a book by its cover. I’ll see you around. Bye John B.”

Y/N backed out of the road, heading back to Figure Eight, with her graduation starting in 10 minutes, she had massively overstayed her welcome at John B’s. If she weren’t so busy, Y/N always thought she’d like to be friends with John B and his crew, they had an unmistakable family bond that Y/N craved. She loves her siblings but they are still grappling with the idea of give and take, mainly fixating on the taking aspect.

Y/N pulled up to school, and took out her phone, dropping a text to Anderson pleading with him to at least make it to two classes today. Even with her phone safely away in her bag, Y/N couldn’t quite bring herself to get out of the car. Happy families surrounded her everywhere she looked, she couldn’t handle the stares when she walks in alone. Well, it’s now or never she says to herself.

Walking isn’t as bad as she suspects, Mr Morgan, her English teacher, meets her at the door and takes her to her seat, explaining the mechanisms of the ceremony and when she’ll make her speech.

The hall, however, is the reminder that Y/N was dreading. The two seats she had booked for her parents sat empty, standing out like a sore thumb in the packed hall. She made her way to the student section with her head down. However, before Y/N could sit she was apprehended by an excitable Sarah Cameron.

“Y/N! Hi! I heard you’re valedictorian, well done! I don’t know how you managed, with all the work and your siblings, you really are amazing.”

“Thanks, Sarah.”

The words sting, despite their pure intentions. She’s a kook, she shouldn’t have to work, and she should have parents who care for her and her siblings, but some things just aren’t meant to be, clearly. Y/N sat in her assigned seat and willed the ceremony to go fast, though she wasn’t looking too forward to her speech. The diversion to the chateau meant that Y/N had no time to look over it again.

The ceremony started and the hall quietened down. Principal Stoney started her opening speech, basking in the spotlight when the hall door bursts open and interrupts. In the doorway stands Anderson. His hair is disheveled and the clothes are torn, probably from the nightly activities with the skateboard he held in his hand. The boy scanned the hall, eyes falling on the empty seats with the name Miller and then Y/N herself. He gives her a small wave and pushes past the Figure Eights families to the seats.

Principal Stoney just restarts, a slight bewildered look on her face.

When it was time for her speech, Y/N didn’t even feel real, like she floated to the stage and was possessed. Her speech went well from what she could gather, Mr Morgan gave her a thumbs up and Anderson hollered, much to the dismay of the families around him. But he was even worse when she received her diploma.

As families spilled onto the field for fancy food and photo opportunities, Y/N wrangled Anderson to the side before he could raid the food stalls.

“Anderson, what the fuck? First you didn't come home last night and then crash my graduation?”

“Hey, I’m sorry about last night, me and the boys got carried away skating and I crashed on Oscar’s couch. I’m sorry, I should’ve called. And as for now, you think I’m going to let my smart-ass VALEDICTORIAN sister graduate without anyone being here to holler? You’re dead wrong.”

The sentiment fills Y/N’s heart with joy and tears threaten to spill. Anderson’s never been good with feelings, it was nice to know that he did care.

“Mum and dad can go fuck themselves, if they don’t see how great you are then they’re blind.”

“Thanks, bug. It means a lot. Now don’t eat too much, people are probably already annoyed that you’re here.”

Anderson shrugs, he couldn’t care less what they thought, he was here to eat and show off his sister.

“Congratulations Y/N!”

The voice of Y/N’s boss, Ward Cameron, was easily identifiable. Y/N puts on her confident face and turns to see the whole Cameron brigade, minus Wheezie.

“Thank you, Mr Cameron.”

“You know, I just don’t know how you get it done, working for us and dealing with your siblings…” Rose says, the last part fading out as she watches Anderson walk back to his sister with his arms piled high with fancy horderves.

“It’s tough, yeah, but what wouldn’t you do for your family?”

“Of course, of course, sorry for any implications, where is the old man, I know Julie is off on business, but Kevin has to be proud, I didn’t see him in the hall?” Ward’s voice feigned sincerity, but the Miller siblings saw right through it. Before Anderson could respond, Y/N replied.

“Dad is also doing business on the mainland, at the last minute. He’s devastated, really,” it's not convincing, even to her. Y/N can tell she hasn’t convinced the Camerons either. Sarah gives her a sad look, Rose attempts to mirror her step-daughter but fails, Ward looks slightly smug, like he’s trying to hide it but Rafe doesn’t even try to hide it like his dad, a massive smirk on his face.

“What are your plans for the summer Miller?” Y/N is surprised when it’s Rafe who asks the question.

“Well, I’ll be working for your dad, if he’ll have me, I still have my volleyball coaching in the tourist season and there’s never a dull moment with these around,” Y/N puts her arm around Anderson.

Looking for a quick exit, she looks at her watch.

“Oh, if we go now, you can still catch your last two periods. Kids, am I right?” She gestures at Rose and Ward, “we’ll be off now, I’ll see you next week?”

The Camerons nod as Y/N pulls Anderson away and towards the car park. But before they can fully escape, they’re stopped by Mr Morgan.

“You think you can leave without a photo and a proper goodbye, I didn’t think you were that kind of girl, Miller.”

“Of course not, Mr Morgan, here,” she hands Anderson her phone, “take a picture please.”

Anderson does so, taking about 50 at once.

“Okay, okay, let's get one of you two, you can’t not have a proper graduation picture, especially not when you’re valedictorian.”

Mr Morgan takes the phone and smiles at the siblings. When the impromptu photoshoot ends, Y/N is glad, despite it pushing back her escape.

“Y/N, on a serious note, you are always welcome in my classroom, you’ve been a pleasure, and don’t tell anyone, but you were my favourite. And you, I hope you’ll be just as good next year sir,” he says turning to Anderson, “although considering you’re here and not in class doesn’t bode well.”

“Thank you, sir, really. But you are completely right, and that’s why we’re bouncing now, so he can get two at least two periods.”

Mr Morgan smiles at the two when they start to run to the car. He’s always felt sad for the eldest Miller, and her parents absence did not go unnoticed.

------------------------------------------------

“I’ll see you later, I know you guys will probably crash a kegger, but at least come home before you go?”

“Yeah, yeah, okay, who knows maybe I’ll see you there?”

Anderson laughs and gets out of the car, he knows his sister won’t especially when Peach will be home. Y/N watches him go into the building and stays a couple minutes to make sure he doesn’t sneak back out when he thinks she’s gone.

But Y/N barely gets time to breathe, as she’s down to the elementary school to pick up Peach. The girl in all pink is waiting with a gaggle of friends and shrieks when she sees the blue car.

“Y/N! Y/N! I got the “most improved” in drama!”

Y/N opens the door and picks up Peach, spinning her round and congratulating her.

“Well done, bubs. This calls for a celebration, it’s the first day of summer and the boys won’t be out for another couple of hours - what do you want to do?”

Peach doesn’t even need a second to think.

“Lemonade stand!”

Huh? Y/N was prepared for an answer closer to maybe a princess party or surfing lessons, but a lemonade stand?

“Are you sure?”

“You said we could do whatever I want!”

“Okay, okay, let’s go then we’ve got a lot to do.”

Satisfied with getting her way, Peach got in the car and demanded that the next stop was the craft store.

-------------------------------

The next 90 minutes were gruelling. Peach spared no expense, Y/N was lucky that she still had the credit card Julie gave her. But she knew it would all be worth it. And it was.

Peach chose a spot right in the middle of the beach and the stall was already making a profit. Y/N knew kooks just couldn’t resist the temptation to look good and what was better than giving a generous tip to a child’s lemonade stand?

But with a successful kook-trap came the kook assholes. Namely Rafe, Topper and Kelce.

“Three lemonades please. Apricot, right?” Rafe said with a smirk.

“You know it’s Peach asshole.”

“That’s a bad word, Y/N,” Peach mumbled, clearly upset about being called apricot of all things.

“Yeah that’s a bad word, Miller, you should listen to Apricot a little more.”

“Maybe, you should listen to your college professors, oh wait, you dropped out, my bad, must be a bit of an open wound judging by the look on your face. I bet daddy wasn’t impressed.”

“Excuse me, you bitch, how dare you talk to me like that.”

“Run along, lap dog, we don’t need your money.”

Rafe goes to say something but Topper and Kelce hold him back.

“Bro, don’t get it shit with your pops over a fucking lemonade,” Topper warned.

With a final “fuck off”, Rafe Cameron stalked away to his car, his gang of cowards following, but not without Topper placing a crisp $20 bill in the tip jar. Peach mumbled and thank you and Y/N just nodded to Topper, too tired to say anything more.

And if her afternoon couldn’t get any worse, the prickly blonde from this morning strolled over to the stand.

“I’ll have four lemonades please.”

Peach gasped and accepted his money right away, getting to work on the drinks.

“I’ve seen many a kook-trap in my time, Miller, but not many operated by Kooks themselves. Impressive ingenuity.”

“Thanks - JJ, was it? Peach here won “most improved” in her drama class and this is what she wanted to do in celebration”

“Cute, Miller, didn’t take you as a softy earlier.”

Peach announces that she’s finished with the pogue’s drinks, he puts another $5 in the tip jar and grabs the drinks.

“Miller, there’s a kegger at the boneyard tonight, wanna come? I’m sure at least one of your brothers will crash.”

“Sorry JJ, someone’s gotta look after the little one, maybe another time, if you can stand being around a kook for that long.”

“I think I can make an exception, especially if they look like you Miller,” he winks, “boneyard tonight, if you change your mind.”

Y/N blushed, but she knew she couldn’t, she couldn’t leave a nine year old at home, even if Kevin was there, there was no guarantee that Peach would be fed and given adequate attention.

“He’s pretty, you should go.”

“Peach, honey, you know I can’t, I can’t leave you at home.”

“But I could go to Jenny’s, she’s having a sleepover tonight, I forgot to ask earlier, I got too excited about the lemonade stand.”

“Okay, you can go to Jenny’s, but promise not too much candy?”

“Only if you promise to go with him tonight.”

Peach was proving to be just as mischievous as her brothers.

“Okay fine.”

“Go tell him then.”

“Huh?”

“I won’t believe you unless you go tell him now that you'll be there!”

Y/N groans, but gets up to follow the blonde. As she nears, she shouts,

“Hey JJ! I’ll be there tonight, at the boneyard, I’ll be there.”

“Didn’t take too long for you to change your mind then, am I just that irresistible?”

“No? What? Of course not! It’s just Peach - she’s a master manipulator, and she’s only nine!”

“Sure, Miller, if that’s what you want me to believe, I’ll see you later, sweetheart.”

Y/N turned, she should cringe, but she finds herself blushing as she walks back to Peach.

“Don’t say anything, missy, you’ve done enough, let’s pack up and get you ready for Jenny’s. You young ones are such troublemakers, damn.”

A/N: I am not American, so I hope that the graduation stuff makes sense, from someone who has no real clue what happens there lol

#obx #outer banks #jj maybank #jj maybank imagine #obx imagine #outerbanks imagine #john b routledge #kiara carrera #pope heyward #rafe cameron #sarah cameron #ward cameron #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank x kook!reader #jj maybank x reader

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huntertherapyeras · 3 years ago

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Gymnastics AU ? 👀 what’s the backstory/setup? What’s your favorite thing about it?

omg so its still in the baby stages because i just remembered id been planning on doing smth with it tonight but BASICALLY !!!

(.... strap in cay i was a gymnastics coach for 9 years so theres gonna be some jargon uwu)

it starts with luz (maybe somewhat younger than in canon, like 12 since most 14 yo junior olympic program gymnasts are in the higher levels by then for elitism reasons) starting at a new gym! she's a late starting gymnast and only did classes taught by eda at the local rec center in her town! eda saw a lot of potential in her and encouraged her mom to get her into real classes and at a full-fledged gym and she quickly gets invited onto the team because the coaches see she has potential too! its a little discouraging for her, though, because all of the other kids on her competitive level are much younger than she is since she started later! after a season, she decides to transfer into the xcel program (probably xcel silver training gold, which is like jo level 3 training 4) from level 2 training 3 because xcel gymnasts are usually a bit older and she realizes she doesnt really want to go elite later

amity is at the same gym, but she's at a much higher competitive level already (still deciding where, but probably like... level 8 training 9 out of the 10 JO levels and also training HOPES which is elite for younger gymnasts). she is losing her love for gymnastics because of the pressure her parents put on her and is struggling a bit with perfectionism affecting her eating habits during the story! she also struggles with chronic pain because she is naturally hypermobile and that manifests as pain early on esp for kids in high impact sports

amity and luz meet at open gym and at first amity is kinda Snooty bc her parents wouldnt approve of her interacting with someone already so old in "baby gymnastics" and also because luz seems to have so much fun doing stuff still that it makes amity a bit jealous... luz eventually wins her over sheerly by how nice she is ofc and they end up having baby crushes and dating later on

gus is a younger kid on the boys jo team (10 at the beginning of the story and training boys level 6!!!) and he is something of a prodigy, though he has a rivalry with mattholomule at one point they eventually become friends

willow is a jo level 4 gymnast struggling with mental blocks at the beginning of the story and eventually transfers over to xcel with luz!

eda is a former gymnast who had to quit due to an injury caused by her undiagnosed chronic illness (eds/pots) and she also deals with complex regional pain syndrome (a nerve disorder) from the injury, so she isnt able to coach more than the two hours a week she does at the community center. she also has an adopted son (king) and her beloved cane is named owlbert 💜 later on in the story luz starts to do assistant coaching with eda so she can open up some preschool classes at the center on weekends :3

but lillith never got injured and ended up later becoming a gymnastics judge. shes not a huge character in this but she does cause problems with everyone by being a picky judge 🙄

oh and ed and em are both 14 at the beginning of the story! em is an elite gymnast but later switches to rhythmic and ed is an elite boys gymnast!

favorite thing is definitely reimagining the world from a gymnastics lens omg

theres a lot more i gotta iron out but thats the gist of things!!!!! very excited to work on this uwu thank you for asking!!!!

#toh gymnast au #lumity gymnast au #toh #aster.exe #my aus #im vibrating like a cold chihuahua im so pumped up rn

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jess-rewatches-prodigalson · 4 years ago

Text

Take Your Father to Work Day (S2, E4)

As many people have said: This is one of the STRONGEST Prodigal Son episodes to date. It was incredible. My time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below.

I reference Malcolm’s mental health and sexual violence in this one. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:16 - OMG. Destiny’s Child. Whoever is in charge of the soundtrack for this show needs a raise. Or an award. It’s SOO GOOD.

0:18 - How great is this montage of Martin’s prison life too? I mean the insane mundanity of it combined with “Survivor” and Michael Sheen’s incredible acting is some perfect mix between hilarious, captivating, and just brilliant.

1:06 - I feel so bad for Mr.David. He has to deal with Martin’s theatrics every day. Poor guy looks done in this episode.

1:35 - CAN HECTOR BECOME A BIGGER CHARACTER?! PLEASE. He’s hilarious and I love him. “Bro. You got your ass jumped at Sunday School.”

2:09 - Wait. What? Jerry’s getting released?!? I mean, I understand that he’s no longer in need of psychiatric care......but he still killed someone. Shouldn’t he just be getting transferred to a different prison?

2:25 - Does Jerry have a death wish?!?! He’s talking about being released in a room full of jealous murderers. Everyone looks sooooo pissed at Jerry.

2:54 - Martin is such a liar. However - Michael Sheen’s performance is astoundingly good. Like he shines brighter than usual in this episode.

3:17 - Poor Malcolm. “What’s going on?” Poor boy looks terrified.

3:23 - I love everything about this scene. I love how freaked out Malcolm is. I love you extra Jessica is. BUT HANS. Holy shit. I want Hans in every episode. He’s crazy in a good way and such a beautiful comedic relief.

3:30 - OMG. “Skinny milennial” might be the best thing anyone has ever called Malcolm. Someone please tell JT and Dani - hell, even Gil. They would tease him forever and I want to see it.

3:45 - 1) Malcolm is a terrible liar. 2) Jessica knows he’s lying. 3) This story about the wine is interesting. I wonder when and how Malcolm first told Jessica the story. Was it the same night? AND HOW DID ENDICOTT’S BODY END UP IN ESTONIA?!? I WANT MORE INFORMATION ABOUT THAT NIGHT.

3:54 - “Ainsley and I came back from the hospital after Gil’s stabbing.”....we never saw Ainsley at the hospital. Was she there and left before Malcolm got there? Or is this a plot hole I need to ignore?

4:05 - The way that the flashbacks of Endicott’s murder is spliced into this scene with Malcolm’s cover story is so perfectly executed. It’s so captivating and so so well done.

4:14 - Malcolm’s eyes look quite manic during the retelling of this story. Poor guy is desperate to have everyone believe the story. Poor guy probably wants to convince himself that the story is true.

4:16 - Wait. What? Ainsley has always been clumsy? .....interesting. I’ve seen no evidence of it but I’ll believe it for the sake of the plot.

4:23 - “At least one of you has a soul.” Holy shit. hahaha Hans is brutal. I love him so much. I also love how this line makes me, as a viewer, think “does that mean the writers want me to think that Ainsley doesn’t have a soul?” ...or more likely that she doesn’t feel emotion (which can be interpreted as a lack of a soul). That she’s a psychopath like Martin?

4:27 - OMG. Jessica loves Hans. He speaks to her dramatic rich woman soul. So entertaining.

4:30 - Poor. Malcolm. This boy is always in some sort of emotional turmoil. For once I wish he was happy (but also I love the emotional whump so if that could continue that would be great).

4:44 - “It’s so much more than that.” *chef’s kiss* comedic genius. I would watch a whole episode of Mr.David making fun of Martin. But can we all just take a minute to appreciate that Martin doesn’t seem bothered at all that Mr.David is basically verbally telling him that he sucks? It’s almost like Martin thinks they’re friends?

4:50 - Martin is strangely chill talking to Mr.David in this scene. It’s a little off-putting. He almost seems normal. He’s not putting on his usual theatrics or ranting about doctor stuff. It makes you wonder how many different sides of Martin that Mr.David has witnessed.

5:01 - “Oh no. Not Jerry.” LMAO. HOLY SHIT. Michael Sheen needs an Emmy. His delivery of that line might be the funniest thing this show has ever given us. hahahahaha

5:29 - Damn. This is not Gil’s month. First Jessica dumps him. Then he has to deal with Martin Whitly in the flesh. That plus the on-going drama of worrying about Malcolm’s mental health and the stress of reintegrating into work after a STAB WOUND.

5:31 - Gil’s face. hahahahaha he’s like, “Kill me. This can’t be happening. I hate everything. I wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole.”

5:37 - “Yeah. Why’d you do it?” GIL. OMG. I’m so proud of Gil for dissing Martin to his face. BUT ALSO I worry that that’s going to give Martin more of a reason to hate Gil. I’m genuinely scared that the writers have Martin escaping as the pre-finale episode and Martin trying to kill Gil as the finale. Maybe Gil shows up trying to save Malcolm, AInsley, and Jessica (whom Martin is trying to abduct or hurt or something) idk I just feel like it’s going to be a likely subplot somewhere. I don’t want an attempt on Gil’s life to become a season finale tradition.

5:56 - Ew. “Gilly” That is a terrible nickname. I think I threw up a little.

6:00 - Damn. I love this scene. I could watch Martin and Gil pretending to be civil to each other for years. So entertaining.

6:29 - hahahahaha OMG. Gil��s reaction to Martin saying, “Thank you” PLUS Edrisa’s sudden excitement at realizing she’s 10 ft away from Malcolm’s Dad - a medical legend, is magical.

6:35 - Not gonna lie. When Edrisa said, “Ok. I’m gonna play it cool.” I had to pause my TV and walk away to calm down. I was experiencing a mixture of second hand embarrassment for Edrisa’s inevitable behaviour, excitement for what is to come, and fear that Martin would be a jerk to our precious Edrisa.

6:44 - Edrisa and Martin interacting was everything I’d hoped. It was strange, funny, sweet, and disturbing at the same time. The sweet, eccentric girl who attends cuddle parties is getting buddy-buddy with a literal serial killer. Hilarious. Even better is Gil’s background reactions as he desperately tries to keep Edrisa away from the psychopath. hahaha <3

7:12 - Gil is currently living in a nightmare. hahahahaha

7:47 - I love this. I love how Malcolm and Ainsley interact. Malcolm is such a good big brother. IDK something about these two adult siblings chilling on a couch and warning each other about Mom’s current rampage reminds me of myself and my younger brother. <3 Warms my cold dead heart. <3 PLUS has anyone else noticed that (as long as Ainsley isn’t hounding Malcolm about a story or airing out his mental health diagnoses like the bs from Q&A) Malcolm is extremely calm around Ainsley. Like maybe the calmest we’ve ever seen him?

8:20 - “Oh Ainsley, that’s a horrible idea.” This is adorable. Malcolm is totally acting like Ainsley’s surrogate dad. He’s trying so hard to protect her. <3

8:42 - There’s something about the way that Malcolm says, “Hey Gil” that makes my heart swell. Idk why. I just their father/son relationship. So much. And it makes me so happy to see Malcolm having semi-normal interactions with people in general.

8:48 - This. Is. The. Funniest. Episode. Of. Prodigal. Son. To. Date. Holy shit. The comical dread on Malcolm’s face. Martin’s glee on the phone. Gil’s general “done with life” body language. Ainsley’s utter joy at her luck. MALCOLM DRAINING THE ALKA-SELTZER. Ainsley saying “chug chug”. So perfect.

9:27 - Is it just me or has Jessica been showing way more concern for her children’s well-being this season? At first I thought it was because she was so happy with Gil....but that’s not a thing anymore (because Jessica is a MORON - seriously if this show gets cancelled before Gil and Jessica are living happily ever after I will riot) so now Idk.

10:02 - EDRISA WHY DID YOU NOT TELL GIL AND MALCOLM THAT THE SURGEON WAS ON THE PHONE?!? For a hot second, poor Malcolm looks like he thinks he’s hallucinating.

10:40 - Gil hanging up on Martin and then telling Edrisa that she needs to make new friends is everything. It’s vicious. Gil looks absolutely furious in this scene and I love it.

11:07 - Yo. Edrisa’s got some baggage. hahaha Malcolm looks soooo uncomfortable with her outburst.

11:18 - I would pay good money to watch Martin and Gil have a pissing match in front of Malcolm every episode. It’s amazing. They’re constantly trying to one-up each other. The tension is palatable. And someone Malcolm is the only one acting like a mature, working adult. Malcolm. My mentally unstable, skinny millennial.

11:34 - OH SHIT. Martin did not just bring Jessica into this. Oh SNAP. Does Martin know that Jessica dumped Gil?!?

11:56 - “I’m going to need a little more than that.” Damn. Malcolm looks pissed here. Pretty sure he hates that Martin just brought up Gil/Jessica. Malcolm’s bio-dad and real dad are fighting and it’s very clear that Malcolm is on Gil’s side.

12:17 - The look that Gil and Malcolm share here is perfect. I love it so much. You can see how annoyed they both are, how much they hate that they need Martin on this case, how much neither of them want Martin’s help. <3

12:23 - SOMEONE GIVE GIL A MEDAL. This man just grit his teeth, smiled, and let MARTIN WHITLY - the man who tried to KILL HIM work on his case. Why? Because Malcolm silently asked him to. Because Gil loves Malcolm and knows that it’s better for Martin to work with them officially than for Malcolm to work with Martin in secret. At least this way he can look out for Malcolm.

12:42 - “It’s taken Dr. Marsh years...” soooo was Dr. Marsh the name of the Asian doctor leading group therapy last season? Is this just a new actor, same character scenario? OR am I supposed to forget that Asian doctor existed last season?

13:04 - I can’t tell if Gil hates this whole “father-son in group therapy idea”. He looks kind of like he hates it (although he is looking at Martin in the shot). I’m inclined to think that Gil is worried. He doesn’t like how nice Martin is acting toward Malcolm. He doesn’t want Malcolm to get hurt again. BUT I also think there’s probably a part of Gil that thinks group therapy might be beneficial for Malcolm’s mental health? I mean it was only ever going to be terrible or amazing. Nothing in between.

13:12 - “They hate you don’t they?” GIL BRINGING THE FIRE. hahahaha angry Gil is really funny.

13:43 - OH HELL YES. More Hector. <3

13:46 - hahaha YES. Hector this is Malcolm - the son. You know, the one you had to role-play? hahaha I feel like Hector is a really cool dude (aside from the murder).

13:53 - Damn. Hector pays attention in group. He has a lot of info about Malcolm. I would’ve thought the other inmates would just tune Martin out when he starts his monologues.

13:59 - “He’s got a thing with hands?” hahahaha OMG. How did I never connect the hand thing. DOES Malcolm have a thing with hands? ....I kind of want that to be cannon?

14:00 - “You’re crazier than me.” Ouch. That must’ve hurt. Think about it - Malcolm is ridden with guilt about Endicott. He’s haunted by what he experienced as a kid and by what his father is. Malcolm believes he’s broken beyond repair. On some level Malcolm thinks he’s crazy. Now a literal killer just told him he’s crazy. That just affirms what Malcolm already believes about himself. :( PLUS right after Hector tells Malcolm that he’s crazy - the camera pans to Martin. MARTIN looks scared. Martin is losing control of the situation and he doesn’t like it. Martin knows on some level that he ruined Malcolm’s mental health. He almost looks a little guilty?

14:31 - FINALLY. We have a cannon occurrence of someone calling Malcolm “Mal” (or “Malc” if you’re going by HULU’s subtitles?). I hope the writers start having people call Malcolm by Mal/Malc more often.

14:35 - I can’t ignore it anymore. DID HECTOR HAVE THAT SCAR ON HIS FACE LAST SEASON?!? I DON’T REMEMBER IT.

14:38 - YES YES. Malcolm looks angry. I LOVE IT. Scream at him Malcolm! Give him hell!

15:03 - Yikes. Malcolm sounds like he’s about to cry here. :( My heart breaks for him. .....I wonder if this is the first time Martin has ever heard how much pain he caused Malcolm straight from Malcolm? Martin looks hella uncomfortable here.

15:25 - The inmates (literal murderers) empathizing with Malcolm is twisted, beautiful, and haunting. These guys understand how much it sucks to hang out with Martin. These guys can see the real pain in Malcolm’s expression. They know he isn’t lying. Part of me honestly wonders if one of them is going to try and hurt Martin for Malcolm. They looked pissed enough by the end of the conversation that I kind of believe they might.

16:00 - Malcolm is not acting here. For once he’s not projecting his problems onto potential suspects. He’s just venting to suspects. No pretence. I love it. BUT 100% of me wants to know where Gil is during this session. Is Gil listening? Is the session being recorded for evidence? There’s no way Gil (or Dani) wouldn’t confront Malcolm about this. Even if they just asked him if he’s okay.

16:10 - hahahaha look at Doctor Marsh. He’s like “ooookkkkkaaaayyyy. I’m a psychiatrist in a psychiatric facility for people who have committed violent crimes. BUT THIS IS THE NUTTIEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN.”

16:12 - Look at the way Martin narrows his eyes. He’s trying to figure out if Malcolm is acting. He’s finally realizing that Malcolm truly hates what Martin subjected him to as a child. I honestly think this interaction will cause Martin to shift his “become a murderer like me” agenda from Malcolm to Ainsley. He’s finally seen the depth of Malcolm’s hatred and pain and knows deep down that Malcolm will never turn into a serial killer. But there’s still hope for Ainsley. That’s not to say that Martin won’t stop gaslighting Malcolm - he totally will.

17:10 - Martin has been at Claremont for 20 YEARS. How is it that he didn’t know a gold card existed?!?

17:21 - I honestly thought Marsh was going to get shanked. For the gold card. No other reason.

18:07 - It’s not supposed to be funny but Burt freaking out and punching Marsh is HYSTERICAL. hahahahaha

18:10 - That guard who pushed Malcolm out of the room and into a safe area? He’s in my good books. Every time I watch him push Malcolm to safety I want to give him a hug. Just for doing his job. What the hell is wrong with me?!?

18:18 - UGH. I hate that creepy, satisfied look that Martin gives Malcolm. It’s the same look he gave baby Malcolm in the pilot. It’s the “we’re the same” look and it clearly bothers Malcolm. :(

18:26 - Oh look. 18 minutes into the episode and we finally have a Dani appearance!! annnnnnd no mention of JT. I mean, I get it. He’s on paternity leave. I’m happy for him. BUT TWO EPISODES WITHOUT A JT APPEARANCE IS TORTURE. At least give me a throw away line about how happy JT is or about the baby!?? Honestly - it’s my biggest gripe with this episode.

18:56 - soooo either Dr. Marsh is a terrible psychiatrist OR you can’t “cure” murderers.

19:08 - The NYPD knows that Martin cured Jerry?!? HOW? Did Mr. David get Martin to admit to shocking him? Did Mr. David tell the police?!? I don’t remember Martin telling Malcolm. I specifically remember Malcolm saying, “I don’t want to know”

20:02 - Damn. I want Ainsley to go dark so badly. I want to see how badly it would destroy Malcolm and Jessica. I am evil.

20:52 - Malcolm’s burgundy jacket is gorgeous. That is all.

21:10 - Malcolm knows that Martin wants to escape. This is good. I love this.

21:55 - THERE’S A WOMENS WARD?!? REVOLUTIONARY INFORMATION. I THOUGHT THEY HAD A SEPARATE HOSPITAL.

22:00 - Oh wow. Finally - a perk to gender inequality.

22:52 - This Brightwell scene is so cute. I love watching Malcolm be excited about solving the crime. I love watching Dani gently tease him about how weird he is. I love watching them subtly flirt. Is Malcolm ready for another relationship - hell no. Do I think Dani has forgiven him - not totally. If they got together now it would end badly. But I do want them to be endgame.

23:11 - Andre is really suspicious throughout this whole scene. I’m convinced that if Dani and Malcolm weren’t too busy flirting Andre would’ve become a suspect really fast.

23:15 - Why do people get released from psychiatric prisons?!? This is a genuine question. I would’ve thought that everyone in Claremont has committed some seriously heinous crimes and only a very small portion of them are actually sick. The rest of them just pleaded insanity and had good lawyers. But even if they are/were sick. I don’t think the types of mental illnesses that drive people to murder and/or rape is something that can be cured. Sooo why are they getting released? I guess I just wonder because there’s this guy that’s been in my local news on and off for like 10+ years. He’s molested/raped many young women between the ages of about 16-25. He’s been arrested and released multiple times. He keeps getting released to different major cities in my province (usually a city with a big University) and reoffends within 6 months of being released. Most recently he was arrested last month after being released in October 2020. Clearly he’s going to keep reoffending - so why does he keep getting released? I guess I just don’t understand what the criteria are that allow an inmate who has committed that sort of crime to be released. Here’s a link to one of the more recent news stories if you’re interested: https://vancouverisland.ctvnews.ca/police-warn-of-high-risk-sex-offender-moving-to-victoria-1.5149264

23:23 - hahaha Andre is like, “Yo. This dude is freaky.”

24:15 - Look at how proud Malcolm is of his whole “lobster = murderer” profile. <3 So freaking precious. <3 and Dani looks so amused with him. <3

24:37 - Sooooo Mr. David isn’t listening to this conversation? He left the room?

24:40 - Jessica going to Martin for parenting help is terrifying. This is a woman in crisis.

25:20 - But Jessica was right to be paranoid in 97′. She wasn’t being cheated on romantically but her husband was murdering people.

25:24 - Martin is so selling his kids out here. He knows it. He doesn’t care. He’s having too much fun torturing Jessica. He’s rejoicing at the fact that he gets to play the “I turned the kids to the dark side” card.

26:40 - Poor Jessica. She looks suspicious and scared. Scared that she raised a killer even though she tried desperately to prevent that very behaviour.

26:56 - Damn. Martin is having a really good day. First he gets to annoy Gil Arroyo in the flesh. Then Edrisa talks medical with him. Then he gets to work with Malcolm. THEN his ex-wife calls him and he gets to toy with her mind. THEN his daughter, who has literally murdered someone comes to visit him. He is a proud Dad right here and he’s having an amazing day.

28:00 - Rhonda is terrifying. This girl has perfected the “I’m sweet and unthreatening” while lying and manipulating people. I swear she’s a teenage Queen B personality with a side of violence.

28:30 - I love how protective Malcolm is of Ainsley. Look how positively livid he is that Marin is talking to her. Malcolm is terrified that Martin is going to purposefully and successfully turn Ainsley into a serial killer. Malcolm doesn’t want to lose his sister. He doesn’t want Jessica to lose her ‘stable’ child.

29:09 - This scares me. This is the kind of Ainsley behaviour from last season that made me believe she is the Whitly child most like Martin. Her ruthlessness and lack of a conscience when it comes to looking for a news story is extremely upsetting.

30:11 - What the hell happened to Tevin? AND WATKINS?!? We got no closure on those guys. Are they dead? In prison? Is Tevin still in Claremont? Were they transferred to facilities outside of New York State?

30:28 - Malcolm yelling at Martin is perfect. *chef’s kiss* Finally this boy is being honest with his father and he isn’t holding back.

30:40 - Michael Sheen is an incredible actor. This is an Emmy worthy scene. By Sheen AND Payne.

30:48 - I love how you can see Mr. David just chilling. Sitting outside the door and staring across the hall during this scene. It’s just....can’t he hear the screaming?!? Is he just like, “I can’t take anymore of this today. Not my circus and not my monkeys.”

30:55 - Soooooo this is Martin showing his true colours. There’s definitely a part of Martin that hates Malcolm. I honestly wonder if that part of Martin actively tries/tried to emotionally torture Malcolm now and throughout his childhood.

31:00 - “And your mother. And you ruined HeR!!!”....does this mean Martin was trying to make Ainsley a serial killer? Maybe after the camping trip when he realized Malcolm was too “weak” to kill anyone? Is this Martin saying that Ainsley is ruined because she didn’t become a serial killer? Or that Ainsley is ruined because she killed Endicott?

31:05 - “But that’s not me.” hahaha OMG. Michael Sheen just flipped between two personalities like nobody’s business. Respect.

31:08 - Martin’s outburst hurt Malcolm. Badly. You can see it all over his face. Even now, when Malcolm is being strong and showing some backbone to Martin, Martin can wound Malcolm with a single phrase. :(

31:41 - soooo where has Gil been for the past 10 minutes of this episode?

32:02 - Sooooo did Andre kill Jerry for Rhonda? Or did he just know about the murder and keep quiet for Rhonda? Or is his oblivious to the fact that Rhonda killed Jerry? I’m honestly confused here.

32:20 - Holy shit. Rhonda is crazy. Andre is dead now. Right?

32:48 - Wait. Why did Andre have a gold card? Mr. David only has red. What kind of qualifications does a guard need to get a gold card vs blue, green, or red?!?!

32:55 - Claremont isn’t a punishment for Martin. Solitary is. Martin should live in solitary. He deserves to suffer for his crimes (and the ongoing torture of his son).

33:05 - How messed up is it that Mr. David’s job is to protect a serial killer? I don’t think I’m brave enough to do something like that. I also don’t know if I could do that for moral reasons.

33:14 - Damn. That elevator looks like it hasn’t been cleaned since it was installed. It’s sooo much nastier than the hallway outside of the elevator.

33:50 - Sooo does this mean Martin is eventually going to try and murder someone down here?

33:54 - HE CALLED FOR BACKUP <3 <3 <3 OUR BOY IS GROWING UP AND I’M SO PROUD. <3

35:40 - FINALLY SOME MALCOLM WHUMP. <3 THIS SEASON HAS BEEN LACKING IT.

36:00 - This is really interesting to me. I honestly wonder if Martin has some sort of split personality disorder (personality #1: murderous, selfish, psychopath; personality #2: loving, concerned father and lawful doctor). You can see how desperately he wants to escape. But also how much he loves his son. I honestly thought he was going to leave Malcolm to die.

36:06 - Ugh. Look at his whumped face. <3 <3 <3 ....one thing that I couldn’t stop thinking during all the tazing (which was amazing FYI, I’m not complaining) is this: in QxA (1x07) Mr. David says that he only has a single shot tazer. Why did Andre have a multi-shot tazer? Is this a gold card vs red card thing?

36:40 - WHY THE EFF DOES BACKUP NOT INCLUDE GIL?!?! I KNOW HE’S STILL IN THE BUILDING.

37:03 - MARTIN, IF YOU TOUCH A HAIR ON DANI’S HEAD I WILL PERSONALLY HUNT YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU MYSELF. He honestly looks like he wants to murder her.

37:50 - Martin’s speech is not going to help Malcolm’s mental state. At all.

38:31 - No. No. No. Martin you do NOT get to talk to Dani on a first name basis. Look at how much Dani hates it.

38:35 - I love how soft Malcolm looks as Martin lifts him up. Look at how Malcolm gently leans into the touch. It breaks my heart. After 20 years Malcolm is still comforted by physical contact with his father. :(

38:37 - “Put your hands on me again Dr. Whitly, and I’ll blow your head off.” OH HELL YES. Dani is my hero. Iconic. Also - anyone else notice that Dani is chewing gum in this scene (I don’t think she’s chewed gum on camera since the pilot?) it makes her look like so much more of a badass in this scene.

38:55 - Oh look. The rest of the backup finally showed up. Where were these assholes 5 minutes ago when DANI WAS ALONE? AND WHERE IS GIL?!?!

39:00 - Malcolm thanking Dani is so so precious. And the fact that he’s clearly struggling to breathe and stay conscious is giving me life. ALSO Dani saying, “YOU’re welcome.��?!? *chef’s kiss* :) :) <3

39:30 - So Malcolm definitely knows that Martin almost left him to die so that Martin could escape.

39:33 - ......Ainsley is currently living with Jessica. Why is Ainsley not at the family dinner? We literally see her in the house in like 30 seconds.

39:35 - Malcolm in a polo shirt. Malcolm in a polo shirt. Why is it so attractive?!? He looks like a baby cinnamon roll? <3

39:51 - WHO THE EFF LET AINSLEY INTO THE MURDER BASEMENT?!? WHY AM I EXPECTED TO BELIEVE THAT JESSICA DIDN’T RE-SEAL IT AFTER WATKINS?!?!

40:15 - Jessica desperately tearing apart the living room is heartbreaking. :(

40:29 - Question: Did Jessica send her staff home before she tore apart the living room? Because I can just imagine two of them staring into the living room from the hall like, “She’s finally snapped. Should we call someone?”

41:00 - Jessica is the queen of drama. HOLY SHIT. This reveal was so extra and so perfect.

41:13 - “I killed him.” “You’re lying.” I love this interaction between Jessica and Malcolm. Malcolm has spent his whole life trying to convince people that he’s not a murderer. To protect Ainsley, his baby sister, he will say the words “I killed him”. Even though that is literally killing a part of Malcolm. Jessica knows it. I love that Jessica can see that Malcolm is lying. She’s not trying to convince herself that he’s innocent. She literally just accused him of murder. She’s scared. Because Malcolm just admitted to killing someone - his biggest fear - and it was a lie.

41:35 - Watching Bellamy Young’s facial expression as Jessica realizes that Ainsley killed Endicott is a thing of beauty. This woman needs an Emmy too. HELL, CAN WE GIVE THIS WHOLE EPISODE AN EMMY?!?!

42:00 - Poor Jessica. The guilt she must feel. She’s always thought that Malcolm was the one at risk of being a murderer. He’s a boy (they’re statistically more prone to violence than girls), he was older than Ainsley, he remembers terrible things, Malcolm had continued exposure to Martin throughout his childhood (Ainsley didn’t - I think?). But the child she neglected, the child she thought was safe, the child she thought remained free of Martin’s evil killed someone. It’s a plot-twist that just ripped Jessica’s heart into a million pieces.

42:30 - Yep. I promise you Malcolm has been psychoanalyzing Ainsley’s past behaviours since the moment she killed Endicott. He’s found traits common to serial killers and he’s terrified that she’ll become one if she remembers what it felt like to kill Endicott. He’s probably kicking himself for not noticing sooner. He’s probably questioning his ability as a profiler and as a big brother. AND the fact that MALCOLM has to protect Jessica AND Ainsley is heartbreaking. It’s way too big a burden. No wonder Malcolm’s mental health is on a downward spiral.

42:33 - This is the moment Jessica begins grieving for Ainsley. The fear, disbelief, and horror on her face. It’s torture that I can only describe as someone telling a mother that her daughter is dead. Because Ainsley is dead. The person Jessica believed Ainsley was - that little girl is dead. Because Jess just found out the truth.

42:55 - Jessica is now terrified of her own daughter. That is maybe the most upsetting thing this show has given us.

43:00 - I saw an interesting theory about how Ainsley is regressing back to her childhood (crawling into bed with Mom, moving back in with Mom) and I must say - that would be a really interesting way for this story to go. Ainsley regressing to a child-like state as she is convicted of murder. As a result she ends up in the women’s ward of Claremont because she can plead insanity.

This episode was amazing. Seriously, one of the best Prodigal Son episodes to date. Definitely the best of season 2 so far. If you’ve read this far - thanks for hanging out.

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itsuki-minamy · 3 years ago

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PROFILE: CHITOSE YO

Translation: Naru-kun Raws: Ridia

Real name: Chitose Yo

Terms of address: Chitose

[PROFILE]

Birthday: June 14, Gemini

Blood type: B

Age: 23 (At the beginning of the second season)

[APPEARANCE]

Physique: 1.75 cm in height. A little slender.

Face, hair: A handsome boy with sweet features. Gently wavy brown hair.

Attire: Street fashion. He likes patterns and accessories. He often wears hooded clothing, and when he doesn't show it, he wears it deeply in an emergency.

Personal effects: A cigarette.

[HABITS, SKILLS]

· When he looks at a woman, he seduces her.

[IMPRESSION, OTHER NOTES]

· A womanizer.

· The "Homura" sign is on the left hip bone.

[POSITION, OBJECTIVES]

A member of "Homura".

It is said that he has a bond that is thicker than blood, and is a person who stands at an angle, and does not like heat sensitive behavior that normally thinks of a bond, but has a strong desire for it. Blood will rise to his head when he defeats the evil King and his allies. Hidden companionship.

[PERSONALITY, CONDUCT]

He has a soft personality and a lot of feminine play. However, he does not like to make women cry and believes in having fun with a divisible partner. However, there are often mistakes when making that decision. He used to be faithful a long time ago, but his girlfriend to him hurt him terribly and he knew that she had kept Chitose away by hiding the incurable disease from him, and then she died. There is a clause that he believes in that he cannot have a romantic relationship.

[FATE, ENDING]

After losing Suoh, who was his "King", he once parted ways with "Homura", but decided to support in response to Anna's awakening, and once again reunited as a member of the red clan. He fights as a member of "Homura" until the destruction of the Slate.

[ABILITIES, TACTICS]

He fights combining flames and physical arts. He is used to fighting. If he doesn't like to use a weapon that much, he wants to fight in style alone, but if he needs it, he puts an appropriate thing around it, like an iron or wooden pipe, with a flame and turns it into a good thing.

[POWER]

C (General clan member.)

[LIKES]

Dates a girl.

[DISLIKE]

Unclean.

[HOBBIES]

Visit bars and clubs. Darts.

[FASHION]

Street fashion. He likes fashion and is particular about it. He also likes perfume.

[BODY]

A little slender. One that has a good style.

[INTELLIGENCE]

Generally, the rotation of his head is very fast.

[BELIEFS]

Have fun today.

[RELATIONSHIPS]

[EARLY YEARS]

Since high school, he had been dating his girlfriend and Dewa. His beloved whom he had been with since then died, and when he was terrible, he met Suoh when he was tough, and he was fascinated, he became a member of the clan.

[TIMELINE]

· 1990, Chitose Yo is born.

· 2012, Suoh dies and leaves “Homura”.

· 2013, Anna Kushina awakens as "Red King", Chitose returns to "Homura".

[ATTITUDE AND THOUGHTS TOWARDS OTHERS]

[TERMS OF THE ADDRESS FOR HIMSELF]

The first person is "Ore".

[TOWARDS SUOH MIKOTO]

He calls him "Mikoto-san".

A man to admire. Unlike Yata and others, he rarely spoke of his longing for Suoh, but he believes that a real man is this type of person.

[TOWARDS ANNA KUSHINA]

He calls her "Anna".

The princess of "Homura". When Anna became "Red King", he felt terribly complicated, and worried whether to stay or leave the new "Homura", but he was convinced that Suoh and Anna did not have to think the same. He chooses a path that will remain "Homura". Even now, she is a more important girl as "king", and she looks like the forgotten memory of Suoh.

[TOWARDS IZUMO KUSANAGI & TOTSUKA TATARA]

He calls them: "Kusanagi-san" and "Totsuka-san".

The "Homura" executives. Kusanagi, who can afford to be older and smart, secretly sets a pattern. Totsuka is the same age and tends to feel like a friend.

[TOWARDS YATA MISAKI & RIKIO KAMAMOTO]

He calls them: "Yata" and "Kamamoto".

His arms are stronger than him, so he stands in battle and follows instructions, but he's generally younger, so he can't handle them.

[TOWARDS MASAOMI DEWA]

He calls him "Dewa".

He has known him since before entering "Homura". He thinks of him as a partner.

[TOWARDS SHOHEI AKAGI, BANDO SABUROTA, ERIC SURT, KOSUKE FUJISHIMA]

He calls them: "Shohei", "Bando", "Eric", "Fujishima".

Friends. In some ways, he thinks it is a fateful community.

#k #k project #k fan clan #chitose yo #profile chitose yo

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deplatform · 4 years ago

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A very long word vomit about The Traveler’s age because some people still insist that they’re minor or have “minor body” and I’ve had enough

Note: I’m referring to the English voicelines because I don’t have enough understanding of the original Chinese dub. Also, I’m gonna refer The Twins with they/them since either one can be Traveler or Abyss Twin.

It’s pretty much already established from the Archon Quest (Act 1: Chapter IV) that the twins are at least 500+ years so I’m not gonna delve deep into it. Here’s some things people bring out every time The Traveler’s age brought up

Characters’ voicelines about The Traveler being underage

The Traveler’s origin isn’t known to just anyone. Of course there are people who are aware of The Traveler’s origin such as Fischl & Xinyan (from their voicelines) and the Archons. But most people only know The Traveler as “traveler from afar” which is what Amber introduced them as to Kaeya in the prologue.

And even before meeting Kaeya, Paimon only introduced The Traveler to Amber in an ambiguous manner (that they’re lost their sibling in a long journey) and not mentioning anything about another world.

The Traveler also praised Albedo when they first met after he correctly concluded that they’re from another world.

If everyone know that Traveler is not from Teyvat, the above exchange wouldn’t make sense. So it’s safe to assume most people (and NPCs) are just assuming Traveler’s age and not letting them drink, which brings us to the next point.

People won’t let The Traveler drink

Honestly I don’t remember any NPC that forbade The Traveler to drink but I saw some people mentioning Charles? I don’t remember when that happened but in the idle dialogue, he gives The Traveler liquor recommendations

Also since Venti’s and Kaeya’s voicelines are most frequently brought up in this argument I’m gonna bring that up too:

Kaeya, as mentioned before, is assumed to not know about The Traveler’s true origin. Also, in Windblume Festival he offered The Traveler wine (should this indicate that he now knows about The Traveler’s being an alien??? save that for another lore discussion).

Venti’s voiceline is from the middle of the prologue, where he showed no sign of knowing The Traveler’s origin, or at least hide it because Jean and Diluc were also there. Later though, in Zhongli’s voiceline (which took place after the prologue and Liyue arc), Venti apparently gave some alcohol to The Traveler and tricked them into getting drunk.

It’s worth mentioning The Traveler acts annoyed whenever people refuse serving them drinks on multiple occasion yet never tried to correct them. I’ve seen people mentioning that China have laws about this and The Traveler drinking in game would count as “alcohol promotion” which put Mhy at risk of getting banned or having to change the game’s rating (which isn’t good if you want as many players as you can). I can’t verify this because I don’t understand ch law and I’m not spending my time learning about game censorship law in china.

They’re still minor mentally/still have the mind of a minor because they slept in those 500 years

The Twins are immortal beings and can’t age physically. We can see the Abyss Twin (who didn’t sleep for 500 years) still looks the same as before the Unknown God took them away. And how do you know that they’ve only lived for, say, 15 years before sleeping? The Traveler is shown to be mature and capable of making difficult decision like an adult.

Also it’s funny that people mostly bring out the number 15 or 14 from speculating about Mondstat’s drinking age being 16 yo (like Germany irl), even though it’s pretty much confirmed that the drinking age in Mondstat is 18 yo (pictured: Diluc’s 18th birthday bash from the manga)

and finally for the most popular argument:

It doesn’t matter they’re 500 years old, they still have a minor body

1. What the fuck is a minor body 2. Mhy only uses 5 body models and those models are supposed to represent people in a variety of ages. The body models are not indicative of their ages. Not everyone with that model are the same age and not everyone with different models have different ages.

Regarding to characters’ age, I think Fischl is the only one we vaguely know about their age from her vision lore, she’s at least 16 or older (she received her vision at 14 and we know no one has received electro vision in the last 2 years). Noelle explicitly tells us she’s not old enough to drink, while Hu Tao is described to already passed her teenage years. Keqing is one of Liyue Qinxing, you know, people with the highest influence over Liyue’s whole economy and is unlikely to be a teenager. And they ALL have the same model.

3. People who looks younger than they are actually are exist in real life lmao (from being short like me or have baby face)

Also worth mentioning the “we’re only getting dating event with minor characters so The Traveler is minor-coded” argument:

None of those character have confirmed age, let me remind you that body models are not indicative of the character’s age

It’s a hangout event, not “dating event”

You people will lose your mind when future hangout events come lmao (like with Diona or other other characters that doesn’t have young girl/young boy body models)

“I hope Mhy would release official age to make this clear”

I don’t think they’ll do that because The Traveler is a self-insert character. Stating a clear age would make some people relate even less to The Traveler’s character. Even if Mhy eventually gives The Traveler official age, it’d be super old like 1000+ or something (there’s actually a popular theory about the twins actually being 1000+ years old. It’s connected to Honkai Impact’s universe but idk enough about HI3 to talk about it)

And honestly, The Traveler’s age doesn’t matter. Like I said, it’s a self-insert. Which means, people can interpret it as freely as they want. It’s not important to the story progression afterall. Mhy gave us a room for different interpretation by keeping it ambiguous. As long as you don’t attack random people on the internet for thinking differently, you’re good.

Thanks for listening to my Ted Talk.

TL;DR: It doesn’t matter if u think the traveler minor or not, just don’t harass people who think differently. Read the bold parts for details

#just twitter being twitter #if you see a bad with 'dead dove dont eat' written on it just dont eat it!!!!!!!!!!#dont yell at the bag's owner for having a dead dove!!!#tbh its just me going off about pixel lore u can ignore it #with bad grammar #genshin impact

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kariachi · 3 years ago

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Headcanons: Argit’s Family Edition (may include old info because I don’t care)-

His mother is the piece of shit with a criminal record that goes from child abuse to grand larceny to murder to active involvement in the slave trade

Father is an accomplice

They did seem fond of each other, or at least his pa was very fond of his ma and his ma gave more shits about his pa than the children- not that that’s a high fucking bar, you could limbo with that thing

Really nobody is sure why they had children given they clearly didn’t want them and Erinaens are masters of not raising children they don’t want

Pa is a standard Erinaen

Ma is a born necromancer- though she only really uses magic to keep herself in shape, occasionally for murder or profit, sometimes to fix up Pa if she’s in the right mood- and far older than it seems

There are Reasons the born necromancer children don’t actually use magic and they are all trauma

Argit has 17 siblings (that he’s aware of)- 6 older, 5 younger, and 6 littermates, with about five years between litters

Eldest litter was born outside the Null Void, but were still tiny and in the pouch when their parents got tossed in

Second two litters were born in the Null Void

Eldest litter took care of their younger sibs for so long- first Argit’s litter and then not-quite-abandoning them to look after the youngest litter

Entire mess was a bomb looking for a place to go off, really, with a lot of stress on kids too damn young for it, not enough food to go around, constant competition and in-fighting that their parents only got involved with when it affected them

Argit was bottom of the pecking order among his siblings, though he did seem to be his ma’s favorite for all that that helped literally nothing. Certainly didn’t get him any better treatment (what was worse, the siblings who resented his getting any sort’ve approval? the ones who were wary of him over it? or that he resented her to no end and would’ve rather gnawn off an arm than make her proud?)

Mostly it was because out of his siblings he’s the one most like her, for all he has much higher and firmer morals (yeah, let that sink in for a minute)

Most of the eldest litter sheered off from the family when Argit when 11, which hurt the group more than it helped- fewer mouths to feed but also fewer people to help keep everyone fed and looked after

Argit last saw the majority of his family at about 12, when he lagged behind while they were traveling between hidey-holes and they just fucking let him (on the one hand- as a runt and mutant he took up a lot of food and slowed them down, on the other- they fucking abandoned their child and sibling alone in the Null Void holy shit y’all)

Fun Fact: Part of why Kevin and Argit ended up meshing so well is because they both have Issues, a good chunk of Argit’s specifically relating to trust and reliance on other people. The fact he’s in as good a place regarding Kevin as he is is a miracle (grow Argit, break the cycle, I believe in you!)

The next he saw of any of his kin was outside the Null Void, at 15, when he and Kevin ran into his ma and two of the youngest litter

To make a long story short- his ma saw profit potential in Kevin, tried to get her favorite involved, and Argit- who at this point had already killed three people for Kevin, two of which were slavers- managed to turn that shit around and sell her off instead

Given they were 15 and 14 respectively and very much not in a position to be taking care of a pair of 10-yos, the boys lived off those profits while they found a good, safe place to leave the kittens, where they’d be taken care of (neither of them really trusted it, but they live a dangerous life and could at least agree they didn’t want the kittens getting hurt)

Argit’s still in touch with them, though they aren’t particularly close, and to the shock of 80% of people who know him if there was any indication either was in trouble he and Kev would be out there with a quickness

They refuse to talk about what happened to the rest of the family, and Argit’s only ever been able to find records of three of the eldest litter, so as of the end of OV he has no clue what the status is on most of them. He tries not to think about it.

#headcanons #this just in- kevin and argit's lives are pretty messed up

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minnochu · 5 years ago

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Lustrous (pt. 18)

Hybrid!Kook x Fem!Reader AU

Pt 1 | Pt 2 | Pt 3 | Pt 4 | Pt 5 | Pt 6 | Pt 7 | Pt 8 | Pt 9 | Pt 10 | Pt 11 | Pt 12 | Pt 13 | Pt 14 | Pt 15 | Pt 16 | Pt 17 | Pt 18 | Pt 19

Warning: A copious amount of dialogue :’)

(A/n): Hope everyone’s doing well and staying safe and healthy! Just remember to stay humble and kind and take this time if you’re self-quarantining to practice self-love!! Hope you enjoy :’)

“Where’s (Y/n)?” Namjoon asks when the whole pack has taken their seats at the dinner table the next morning, and the others notice one seat has yet to be filled. They look towards the hybrid in question, who averts his eyes.

“She left,” he muttered, swirling his chopsticks around in his bowl of fried rice.

The others grow alarmed at this. Jimin piping up from beside him, “What do you mean, she left?”

The younger grows irate in result, his eyes glaring a bright blue at the other wolf, “She. Left.”

“And why didn’t you stop her?” Yoongi calmly interjected as Seokjin whispers a small spell to pull the two wolves’ chairs apart, “You were with her last night, weren’t you?”

He flinches at that, eyes dimming in result. It was true. There was no denying that fact.

The elder’s eyes narrow at the youngest pack member, “Stop being a fucking prick and explain to us why exactly the one person we need to protect is running away from us.”

Namjoon clears his throat as tension continues to rise, opening his eyes to flash his golden irises dangerously in warning at the pensive pack members, “I think we should eat first before the food gets cold, we’ll discuss this later.” His eyes briefly meets the youngest and the whole table settles down into a heavy silence. Jungkook’s shoulders sag as a result, clamping his mouth and turning his attention to his meal. Angry Namjoon was not one to mess with.

The warlock releases a relieved sigh at the temporary cease fire and makes work to levitate dishes and food from the kitchen. He quietly prays he won’t have to clean up too much of a mess if anything escalates to anything more than a peaceful explanation. The aura surrounding the boys is turbulent, no doubt insinuating a quarrel when the food has finally been devoured.

“Gods help me,” the warlock sighs.

“Want to explain to me why you’re suddenly phasing into my attic at such a god awful hour?” Yahiko smiles softly as she sets down a blanket and pillows on your old bed. You ran to the one place you could only think of, your old home with the kitsune. You had crash landed, phasing in mid air before dropping with a loud thud on the wooden floor. The elderly woman had come rushing with her orbs flashing fiery orange, only to calm down when you came running into her arms.

She didn’t question it at first, welcoming you back into your old room with a mug of warm milk and honey, but you knew she would ask eventually.

“Don’t forget that I’m a kitsune, child,” she quirks a smile, “I may be over thousands of years older than you, but I still have a keen sense of smell.”

“And you reek,” she cackles, causing you to blush and smile in embarrassment. Dainty fingers push the locks of your hair behind your ear, “What troubles you? I smell distress and conflict within you.”

You mull over what to say first, about Jungkook, about your apparent feelings for him, about the Blackwells.

“Is it that wolf-boy?” She muses nonchalantly, only speaking hypothetically, not expecting you to flinch from beside her, nearly sputtering and choking on the contents of your mug. “Oh, I’m correct?”

“There’s a lot on my mind right now,” You defend helplessly, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand.

“Including that boy, no?”

Your shoulders sag in defeat, there was no denying it to her.

“It’s complicated…”

Yahiko makes a face, tapping the tip of your nose with her index finger, “You act like I had never dated a man before, (Y/n).”

“I, like many supernatural creatures, had a mate. He’s not here right now, but I assure you he’s watching over me,” She smiles softly, reminiscing her years with her fated, “He was a human, if you didn’t already connect the dots. I imprinted on him a long time ago, and the stupid man outgrew me.” The kitsune chuckled softly, glancing upward as if she could see his spirit watching her.

“What was that like?” You ask tentatively, although it made you feel worse thinking about how this must be how Jungkook feels about Hyejin. The realization is a smack in the face, he must be hurting out of rejection from his fated.

Yahiko elbows you with a wry smile, “Your face is like an open book, child.”

“He was my world, to put it simply, losing him hurt. A lot. I wanted to die with him,” she says solemnly, “I wonder sometimes how I still do it when I still miss him very much.”

“How did you know he was yours? He was human right? He didn’t reject you for being a kitsune?” The elderly woman glances at you with amusement stretching her lips, causing you to clamp your mouth shut. As your cheeks burn from embarrassment, she can only laugh good naturedly at your curiosity.

“You like that wolf very much, don’t you?” she sighs, “I must say, I have to apologize for rudely assuming that he’d hurt you based on the color of his true eyes. I hope he’s treating you well.”

Your silence proves her hypothesis correct, you like Jungkook, and that scares you. It hurts to know that he’ll only ever pine for Hyejin’s affection despite her obvious indifference towards him.

“I was initially terrified, all the others in my family were mated to creatures of the same kind if not different types - such as the thunder kitsune - so then why was I different? We were taught to stay away from the humans… since at that time, the supernatural and the humans had not yet finalized the pact for peace and bounty hunters were much more prevalent than today. He was one of them.” She pauses to regard your gaping mouth, snickering when she taps your chin to shut it, “It felt like everything was just right when I met his gaze, but he didn’t know it then and tried to kill me. Of course, I overpowered him and let him go, but every time we encountered one another, we began to talk and understand the other and get to know one another as a living being. I told him about my family and showed off my powers” she emphasizes by holding out a dainty hand with her palm facing towards the ceiling and a spark of golden foxfire ignites abruptly from her fingertips, “In turn, he talked about his life, his fiance, his guilt for hunting my brethren when he realized we weren’t evil or to be feared of.”

“Fiance?!” You gasp as you watch the flames disperse and the light has died down from her hand.

“Yes, yes,” she frowns, “He had a fiance at the time, and it hurt, alot. Every time he brought her up, I wanted to change the subject, it filled me with envy and pain. Each time he said her name with that stupidly handsome smile on his face, it was like a sword twisting in my gut.”

“I thought I could’ve lived with the pain, or mate with a widow from another pack, but it wasn’t the same, and he saw that sadness in my eyes.”

“He confronted me about it, and I spilled. I told him about the imprinting, about my feelings. Gods that man was so infuriating, made me actually scared for my life if he were to be disgusted at my affections. Humans… they are quite fickle beings when it comes to love. Is this real? Is this your actual feelings, and not something forced upon you by the stars or your inner beast or what have you? I wondered those silly questions myself… but I wouldn’t have wanted any other man if suddenly the next day, I wasn’t bound by my imprintee.”

You wonder if that were the case with your friend. The idea of being imprinted on and its implications may have caused Hyejin to believe that Jungkook had no real affections for her. It wasn’t like she was chosen at random, you suppose, the stars saw it fit that the two were meant for each other, soulmates as you would put it. Fated for one another. So, why did she fear and hate him so much when he could be anything she wanted him to be. He would be at her every beck and call.

Fuck. That hurt.

You liked Jungkook. That revelation on the rooftop hurt. Finally you could put a name to the emotions you felt around the wolf-boy, but it didn’t lessen the pain of knowing he was meant for someone else, your closest and only friend made at school. At least… other than the boys.

Yahiko saw it, she could feel the conflict dripping off of you in tangible waves. You didn’t know it, but she knew with the way Jungkook acted and looked at you the way he did. It reminded her of her own situation, she only hoped the whole ordeal would sort itself out quickly. Else you would spend years hurting each other.

Children, she inwardly giggled at the coincidence of the predicament, if only they knew how to communicate properly. Although she couldn’t say much with the way she and her human mate had also suffered the same conflict.

“Did he say so himself, that he imprinted on her?”

Um. Well.

The way you hesitate speaks volumes. Now that she mentions it, he didn’t really deny it or confirm it. The more he called you out for being nosy continually irritated you, why couldn’t he just give you a straight answer for once?

“Give the boy some time to sort out his feelings, my dear,” She sighs, “He’ll talk to you when he’s ready.”

“I’m not sure he’ll ever be,” you frown, “I don’t know what I’m waiting for, it seems like just last night I realized I… I like him… but who’s to say that he feels the same when he can barely open up to me, Hyejin pops up and he just stops functioning, and now!” You stammer your confession more lowly, barely above a whisper, with a beet red face.

You freeze as the woman lays a gentle hand over yours. Then do you realize the way your lip had begun quivering.

“How am I supposed to face him?”

“You don’t,” Yahiko says after much silence, “Leave them alone long enough and he’ll sort out his feelings soon enough and give you a proper explanation.”

“Have some patience and get some sleep, you’re far too young to be looking so concerned like that.”

And that you do, finishing the rest of the milk she had brought up and shifting into your old bed. The kitsune leaves you with one last gentle caress of your head before she bids a good night. Morning comes and you have to force yourself to go to school, praying to whatever god there is that you don’t run into the boys. And you don’t, but Hyejin noticed the distance between you and the pack and has to put a stop to this nonsense.

“(Y/n), this needs to stop now, what’s going on?”

Hyejin stops you from leaving school that day, dragging you to the nearest fast food chain for a much needed sit down and talk. It comes after first being bombarded by Jimin and Taehyung about your whereabouts and wellbeing, and finally when Jungkook confronts her. Nothing is ever that important for the subject of her hatred to talk to her himself. Perhaps there was more to the problem than just fixing your lost memories.

She sighs when you both get seated at a booth with your meals, pinching the bridge of her nose, “I think it’s badass that you’re a witch, but I’m really worried for you being away from the boys when you’ve got your whole family tree planning on killing you.”

You want to tell her, clamming up in the palms when your feelings for the wolf-boy are teetering on the tip of your tongue. Should you tell her? She was your friend. What was stopping you? Her past relationship with him? What if she still liked him? Was this going to ruin your friendship with her?

“To be honest… I left to clear my head after finding out you and him dated before,” You blurt out, pursing your lips and expecting the worse. Silence is your answer, and when you peer over at your friend, she is blinking at you in evident surprise.

“How did you find out?” She starts off meekly, taking a generous swig from her soft drink, “I mean… Did he say anything?”

“Not really…” You wince, thinking about the time he forcibly shoved you from his head at the appearance of the girl in his memories, “It was only last night when he finally told me you both dated previously.”

The other exasperatedly exhales, her palm meeting her forehead, “That stupid dog.”

“You… You don’t like him still, do you?” You ask hesitantly, holding your breath in anticipation of her answer. Meanwhile, the other has to hold back her obnoxious cackle at that question, nearly spewing out her soda. Eyes softening, she cracks a small smile.

“You idiot.”

The reply astounds you, mouth opening and closing like a fish at the unexpected insult.

“You know, you’re really dense you know that? Here I am, unable to believe the coincidence that you, my only friend at school, has fallen for Jeon Jungkook, and now you’re asking me if I still like him!”

“If you’re still wondering… No. I do not,” Hyejin snickers at your visible relief, “I think it’s really cute, your crush, but I still refuse to accept that it’s him.”

The girl takes a french fry between her index and thumb, pointing the tip in your direction, “I probably do, deep down. Truth be told that I broke up with him out of fear. I knew he was a wolf, and kept that in mind, but I wasn’t expecting him to be a wolf and more. And like any other human, I ran.

“He was a cute boy in middle school, a grade above me, taller than most and very shy. He did everything and anything he could to catch my attention. The clumsy little idiot… we eventually dated, it continued into his first year in high school while I had one more year in middle school when I had come over to their cabin to hang with the pack. I had been helping out Seokjin with dinner when I dropped a plate, it shattered on the floor and over my bare foot, and my dumb self had attempted to pick up the larger pieces and nicked myself. Jungkook must’ve been hungry and went on a rampage...

“He charged at me, eyes blue and gold, like I’d never seen them before. He was snapping at me, growling and breathing heavily… Couldn’t even speak coherently. The boys tried to tear him off me, but there really wasn’t a known way to calm him down… According to the boys, it was the first time he’d done something like that around them.”

Hyejin pauses, closing her eyes as the memories come rushing back of the terrible day, “I left that day with a disgusting scar, Seokjin wasn’t as proficient at healing at the time and could only close the wound long enough to get me to the hospital, but even the doctors could not get rid of the remnants of it.” Her hand grips at the hem of her uniform top before carefully pulling it up just enough to catch the sight of the fleshy tissue that runs jagged on her right abdomen. “I could not look him in the eye without seeing the deranged beast I saw that day, I left him soon after, crying and heartbroken, not because of relationship problems, but because I was scared… that he would someday kill me if he could just as easily lose control the way he did that day. I guess we just grew hateful of each other over time...”

Her eyes catch yours staring down at where her scar had been recovered by the top, and she quirks a small curl of her lips. Reaching over the table, she offers an open hand, to which you take gratefully with a meek smile in response, “You know… I’m surprised to hear you managed to calm him down…”

It makes sense, she thinks, after all, you didn’t know it yet who the hybrid truly imprinted on.

“I think I’ve calmed down quite a bit… but seeing Jungkook full hybrid again at the cabin brought me back to middle school. It still haunts me, not as much as before… I used to get nightmares almost every other night. It’s at least once in a while now, I suppose.

“Which is why I always urged you to stay away from them. I didn’t want what happened that day, to eventually happen to you. You’re my only closest friend at school, I don’t want anything bad happening to you… I want to protect you (Y/n), but there’s only so much a human like me can do… Which is why I’m just a little grateful that you have Jungkook to protect you.”

The questions gnaws away at you.

There was no harm in asking right?

“You think Jeon Jungkook imprinted on me?” Hyejin nearly bursts into laughter, hopelessly trying to stifle the giggles with the back of her hand. Thankfully, she wasn’t too hung over having to remember and retell her relationship with Jungkook, but that didn’t warrant her nearly doubling over with tears in her eyes at your abrupt question. Your cheeks puff with a bright rosy hue at her reaction, suddenly feeling embarrassed for even asking.

If only you knew, the girl thinks with a shake of her head.

“Dear God no, he did not, he’d have died by now just from me breaking up with him,” she muses with a wave of her hand, “That stupid dog just has a funny way of letting girls know his feelings.”

“So he does have an imprintee?” You ask expectantly, your heart in your throat at this point.

The look of determination and anticipation on your face is adorable, Hyejin thinks as she replies with a subtle shrug.

“I think that’s something you need to wait for him to talk to you about.”

“For now, you both need to fucking make up before I do something about it.”

And that you do.

You return to the cabin that night. Hyejin leaves you at the door with a comforting hug before she bids you good luck. Good luck and more is much needed when you sense the overwhelming bundle of aura sitting right on top of the roof. No one else but Jungkook had that much unrestrained magical aura, and you knew right away as soon as you came closer and closer to the house. Surely, he must’ve picked up on your scent as you phased onto the roof where the hybrid sat.

He didn’t turn, nor did he make any indication in regard to your entrance. You knew he had been expecting you. So you take a seat beside him, pulling your knees close to your chest and wrapping your arms around them.

“I’m still a little mad at you,” You whisper, your two index fingers twirling around one another. Glaring down at your feet, your hair falls down, casting a curtain on both sides and obscuring your vision of the hybrid beside you. “But… I should probably apologize for running away like a child… and that I shouldn’t be forcing you or expecting you to tell me anything like there’s any reason for me to know…”

Its silent between you both, and you wonder if he’s resorted to ignoring you or is just sleeping. When you turn slightly, you catch a glimpse of his side profile glaring up at the sky. His doe-like eyes are wide and reflect the colors of a galaxy. Dazzling azure with dozens of golden droplets like the stars. You have to fight the urge to reach over and touch him. You want to hug him, and tell him how you feel about him. But now wasn’t the time when you were so sure he only had eyes for Hyejin.

“It’s not that I don’t trust you,” He finally speaks, voice barely above a whisper that you have to lean towards him and strain your ears, “I’m afraid. And I don’t even trust myself. I’m just not ready yet.”

He catches your eyes before you can look away, the corners of his lips stretching into a taut smile, the ends just barely curling upwards.

“I’m sorry… just give me some time.”

“N-No, I understand and I’ll wait until you feel comfortable enough to open up to me,” You stammer, quite flustered with the sudden eye contact. His irises are glowing, shimmering under the moonlight so beautifully that it catches you off guard.

Despite your reply, you didn’t really understand. Was it not simple for him to just out right tell you that he had imprinted on someone else, or just straight up didn’t like you. You inwardly gasped, what if he knew of your feelings and was trying to prepare himself to reject you?

“If it makes you feel better,” he swallows, turning his head to look away, “I uh, I never imprinted on Hyejin.”

In contrast to your worrying thoughts, the relief that washes over you is massive. Your whole body physically relaxes and sags. Cheeks flushing, you thank any god out there that he was looking away.

“I-I see… I don’t think this is gonna make you feel better though…”

His neck cranes, glancing at you curiously.

“I talked to Hyejin,” you shrink in your spot, suddenly embarrassed and ashamed for going to her for information he wasn’t ready to spill.

“What did she say?”

“About what broke you two up.”

Silence. You wonder if maybe you spoke too much or should’ve waited for him to tell you. It feels like he’s growing increasingly distant from you.

“I see…”

Should you apologize? The growing discomfort in your chest became unbearable. You shifted on the roof till, unsure of what to say to soothe the atmosphere between you both. He hates you, you conclude.

“...So you know then?” He finally asks, “That I went berserk on her. Seokjin had me locked in my room with his perfect cube spell... In the whole chaos, other than Hyejin, I really hurt Yoongi bad. Jimin and Taehyung managed to get away with scratches, but Yoongi could only heal so much on his own with Seokjin-hyung’s help that we had to turn to admitting him to the hospital.

“You don’t understand how much I hated myself for that. I hurt my family, I hurt Hyejin too. Fast forward today, I ended up attacking you. I can’t forgive myself for hurting people I care about.

“Why did I have to survive the transition? Why me and not Junghyun? Why did I have to be made into this hybrid that can barely control himself when he goes on a rampage?”

You interject at that, “But you did control yourself, Jungkook, you were able to come back to us after that fight with Minerva. You were able to handle yourself when we fought with those bounty hunters. I’ve seen you many times trying to keep yourself at bay, and you’re doing your best at figuring out how to take control of your genes. No one could ask for any more than you already do. It’s not your fault for going through such a cruel transition, and it’s also not your fault that as a result you couldn’t control yourself, but you’re making progress and that’s all that matters.

“I trust you Jungkook, I hope that makes you feel better. It doesn’t matter to me that you had to drink from my blood. It doesn’t matter to me that you attacked me that night. I’ve forgiven you. You just keep blaming yourself and I hate it.

“You don’t think I hate myself for having to be protected by you guys? We’ve had to fight off my reanimated mother, a vampire, and bounty hunters. You guys wouldn’t have to go through this if it wasn’t for me. I just barely regained my memories, sure I remember spells and skills I learned with my mother, but that shies in comparison to the little training I have in utilizing them in an actual situation, moreover the fact that I have zero self defense experience.

“Don’t you dare tell me that I don’t understand. You said it yourself! You and I… we’re the same. Outcasts. Mutants. I thought you cared for me…” Your voice trails off and silence settles between you both, not as pensive as it was before, but still awkward with more questions swirling between you. Shoulders slumping, you didn’t mean to mope, but you were still at a loss.

“I do care for you (Y/n), did you not just hear me say how much I hated myself for hurting you and everyone?” Jungkook sighs after much thought, reaching a hand towards you before regretfully retracting it. He knows he’ll want to do more than just hold your shoulder. “I cared for you from the very beginning, there would have been no reason for me to keep letting you hang around me or saving you from those wendigos, no matter how hard I tried to keep you from sticking close to me.”

The realization of his words clicks in his mind and he hissed, turning away with his hand covering his dreaded mouth. Darn him for succumbing to you, if you were able to connect the dots, that would have been him smacking you in the face with a sign that read “I LIKE YOU, MY DUMBASS IMPRINTED ON YOU” in large bold characters. Thankfully, you turn and smile softly at him.

“Sorry, I… I just don’t want you to hate on yourself for hurting me when I’m fine really.”

Despite himself, he leans over and taps your forehead with his index finger, the force just enough to move your head backwards just slightly.

“Then don’t hate yourself for being a burden to the pack, you’re not just a guest in our house now, you’re pretty much a pack member. The boys don’t treat you any differently than they would each other.”

Your cheeks burn, hand rising to brush over the spot on your forehead, the gesture was slight but it did well to make your heart beat wildly. With a pout, you mull over his words before scrunching your eyebrows and raising you head to glare at him, “What do you mean burden? I’m a burden?”

The corner of his mouth twitches slightly, an action you catch as he turns his head away.

“Hey you! Answer me!”

LOL tell me why I totally forgot to put the tags.

Tags:

@twilight-loveer @reinyrei @mistytail @mygukandonlyficrecs @xanny91 @unpocodesoledadywisky @xxqueenwxtchxx @lildemonangele @gukworld @sunnyoongles @serendipity-secrets @ilaria-np @jules-park @treetops68 @mischiefmakerliesmith5 @jeonkooksgirl @coffeeismylife28 @nshitae @bookoffracturedescapes @ellsbells72 @zamirayinyue13 @hannahdearr @tiredjedi @sushibunn @perrshian @lovinggalaxies @ditttiii @cookies-are-done @mintyrae

When like two of you I can’t tag for some reason asjfhksdjhg... anywho~ thank you thank you so much for all the replies on the last part!

#lustrous #bts fic #bts x reader #bts x you #bts imagines #bts scenarios #jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #jungkook imagines #jungkook scenarios #jeon jungkook x reader #jeongguk x reader #jeongguk scenarios #kpop fanfic #bts au #hybrid!jungkook

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madllamamomma · 4 years ago

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I Think I Have a Problem.... (A personal true story).

So as the title suggests, I have a strange problem…. Just as a warning, this is about my view of my younger self. It is about religion, and gender identity. This is not how I see the world anymore. It was how I told how the world should look. If you are offended in any way, please know this is a vent post and nothing to hurt anyone else. This is just what happened to me as a child. Shit….. This is about to get very long winded, so buckle up and here we go… *takes deep breath*

So a little backstory on your Mother Llama: I was raised in a weird backward ass “Independent” Baptist church most of my young life. If you guys don’t know what those are, be thankful…. But I guess I should explain it the best way I can…. they are a borderline cult. Yes. I said it. I’m not sorry. It may sound like an extreme accusation, but hold on. Just listen to me.

Now, I have no problem with Christians, or religion. You should believe whatever you want to believe in…. I do however, have a problem when religion is used as an excuse to not educate minds about the real world, force them to not let them think for themselves, and when someone questions any of it, they are punished or shamed for it instead of thinking about an answer. If you can’t tell, I am still a little angry about that shit. Imma try to keep on topic here….

I wasn’t taught science (real science anyways, it was all about ‘creation’ bs—OH! And being anything but a cis straight person was compleltly unexceptable. Woman were the weaker sex and were made to raise babies and take care of the husband. Men were superior and should be taken care of.) nor about World history or about other cultures, other than biblical of course. And when they were mentioned, they made them look evil and behave like heathens because they didn’t believe the same as they did. Everything changed when I went to public school half of fourth grade when my family moved to a different state and there wasn’t any church school like I went to. I learned a lot those years, that ‘The World’ wasn’t as bad of a place as they said it was. It was vast and had many things to offer. (No, not the World, Dio’s stan power from Jojo’s bizarre adventures—that is what our pastors called anything outside of the Baptist approved realm. Something ‘Worldly’ was basically something sinful and ungodly and therefor was bad and wrong).

So this may seem like a strange Segway in to what I am actually getting at, but I had a huge crush on this boy back when I was young and it started when I was about 12 or 13 years old and ended when I was 16. He was the same age as me, and he was the son of a pastor of a small church of about 20 people, mostly military families— we will call him.... D.... for dick...

I thought for a long time that I ‘loved’ D. I thought that ‘God made him for me’ (yes I really said that and it hurt to even write it). I really thought I knew what love was back then, but I was very wrong.

D was homeschooled, he didn’t have many friends and was also a navy brat like I was. So, naturally, we got along very well, and I would hang out with him at his house sometimes. We mainly played video games I was terrible at and he would always bet me. But I liked hanging out with him, so I didn’t care if I won or not. My heart for some reason was totally head over heels over D. And he liked me too for a while… or at least I thought he did… He however never made a move. I always thought D was just too shy, and didn’t know how to ask me. Any time I tried holding his hand, I’d chicken out. It was a stalemate. But this particular church did a thing where people had to court. Yes... COURT someone, not DATE (Courting is where you had adult chaperones keeping an eye on you two, you were never really alone. Ever, because apparently you can’t be trusted?). When we both turned 15 yo, D started a private Christian school. Being the awkward girl I was, I never told him how I felt, I just waiting for him to say something. Time passed, and I still waited and waited for him to ask me out.

But here’s the thing! He didn’t know the real me.

I was in public school, in middle school, and I started to become a weeb. Like a super cringy weeb that didn’t like anything else but anime—I was also kinda emo/punk kid thought I was edgy. (Yeah rock music was bad too, it was ‘Worldly’).Not a very good mix for Baptist I know. At school, I was one person, and at church I was another.

Well, being an anime fan meant I was exposed to a lot of things like the LGTB+ community for the first time. A lot of my friends at the time started to come out other than straight and that was very new to me.

During that time, I soon was starting to secretly question my faith, my understanding of my own sexuality and gender. Like, maybe people liking the same sex or both is actually not a bad thing after all (if you haven’t seen any of my works, hopefully you guys know that I know better that what I was taught—I am a proud fuckin’ ally! I still consider myself cis-straight, but some days I feel like I’m bi-curious, and that’s ok! It took me a long time to realize that, but I’m here now. Gender roles are dead and stupid.)

So here is the kicker~ One faithful day we had a guest pastor join us for a few weeks from another church. This mother fuckin’ nasty ass old white man from Alabama came with his ‘perfect quiet godly’ wife. Who badly ever spoke a damn word. She always just sat in the corner all ‘ladylike’.

—Oh!!! Another fun fact, I didn’t wear pants for a year when I was 10 yo becasue that was considered “cross dressing”— I’m dead fucking serious. My parents then decided after attending sporting events and stuff like that to drop that ludicrous lifestyle, becasue it was stupid. So, Outside of church, my family and I still wore pants and shorts and whatever, but in church we pretended that we didn’t wear anything but modest skirts, dresses, and long culottes. (That’s a little damaging…. don’t you think? Telling people your one thing, when in reality you're not like that at all??)

Anyways— I hated skirts, especially wearing them in the state we lived in, it was way too hot and I’d get chafed (these had to be knee length or longer btw). And of course that guest preacher would preach about the sins of women wearing pants, but I didn’t care. I wore them for so long, it just made me angry anytime someone would bring that up. I liked my jeans and I was starting to become a rebel teen who gave less than a fuck and started to speak my mind. Which was dangerous to that community…. Also I had a bad tendency of not keeping my legs together when I bent down, and one time I accidently showed my underwear (that’s really embarrassing btw, it’s not cute, it’s not funny, it’s awful when you're 14 yo-- really any age actually).

So, one day I wore a long jean skirt for a youth outing with the church. I was required to wear it, but I always wore leggings underneath so I wouldn’t accidentally show my undies if I fell down or the wind blew it. This fucker had to say something about it. The old man turned to me with a wrinkled smirk as I was passing by him and dared to utter, “Now, don’t you feel most femine and ladylike in that skirt? I’m sure Jesus would like seeing you like that.”

My shoulders clench up tight, my brow furrows. All I can remember seeing is fucking red and actually trembling with fury. (This was happening in my pastor, D’s father’s, own living room mind you.) D was there watching as I blanched about ten shades of red in anger and embarrassed because that prick of an old man called me out in front of everyone. I turned to him and half shouted, “NO! I don’t!” I could see my pastor’s mouth drop to the floor as I began to completely obliterate this old man. But I couldn't stop myself as I started to further cut into him. “—I hate wearing skirts! I don’t feel ladylike! In fact, they make me feel vulnerable! What if some guy tries to rape me! They won’t have any problem getting to me!—Why is something with a whole on the bottom more ladylike than something that actually covers me?! I like pants! They are comfortable and they make me feel safe! Why is that a sin to wear something that is more covering?!?! I’m not cross dressing, my mom bought them in the girl’s session!! [Keep in mind that was a long time ago, I don’t feel like people should care about what section they get their clothes from, wear what you want] And what do you know about wearing a skirt?! You’re a man! You try wearing them! They suck! You need to stop telling me what I can and can’t wear! I’m not dressing like a whore for wearing something with a crotch!! SO LEAVE ME ALONE!!” Everyone in the living room was just stunned at my audacity to dare speak to this pastor like I did. But he was so fucking quiet after that. And I stormed out of the house and the guest pastor never spoke to me again about it. Luckily my mom came and picked me shortly after that. She was angry too after I told her what happened. That old fuck singled me out and I was pissed off. I was a teenager and that shit was embarrassing!

But I made the mistake of showing my true self. I think after that moment, D stopped liking me after that.

Some shit went down south with my parents behind closed doors of my household, and eventually they got divorced. They left the small church because the pastor didn’t approve of it. Pastor said that my parents just needed more counseling but he didn't understand that they just needed to not be together. Sometimes you can’t make things work. Especially when your dad is a toxic piece of shit that only cares about himself.

Anyways, everyone in my family left the church, but I stuck around that shit-hole just to see if D would ask me out. I was so desperate, I felt like I waited forever, but really it was like 2-3 years, and I felt like I couldn’t give up. Eventually D and I turned 16. He started to become distant and a little mean towards me and I became confused and started to realize the worst. Finally, I was tired of waiting so I asked his older sister if he liked me on the way back taking me home. I could see it in her face, that she didn’t want to have my heart broken, but reluctantly she told me no. He actually liked another girl at his new private school and was going to ask her parents to court her instead.

I was so devastated.... It hurt so much, I cried myself to sleep that night, and most of that week I was very sad.

Obviously, after that, I stopped going to church entirely, I couldn't show my face anymore. Finally let myself question my faith, sexuality, gender roles, and humanity all together. And realized that religion was stupid (in my opinion at the time) and I came u with the conclusion that people can be sheep. I was a sheep for a long time. And I refuse to be one ever again.

High school was very enjoyable after that, and I let myself grow and started to love other religions and world history, and tried to stop being so judgmental of others and what they felt like. I even got into a relationship with a sweet boy around my age.

Eventually in college, after a break-up with my high school sweetheart, I reconnected with D via FB. Apparently, the church went under and his parents moved away to Greece to be missionaries or something. D still lives in the same town I’m in, but graduated from a “Christian academy”—not Catholic, Christian. Catholic colleges are accredited at least. But he basically told me he was a secret “bad boy” now. He lost his virginity in highschool, (like I did) and he was totally trying to booty call me. Not even hiding it either! He was like, “Hey, Llama, you wanna fuck?”.

And I was like, “D! You broke my fucking heart when we were young! Don’t you remember that???”

And he was like, “Oh no! I had no idea! (the fuckin’ liar). Well, we can fuck now!~ *wink, wink*”

🤨

This is where I was a jerk.... Because he broke my heart. I led him on, told him I would meet up with him at his house to sleep with him, and just didn’t show up—ghosted him ever since. The worst part about that, is I still don’t regret doing that to him. I hope I hurt his feelings and felt like an ass like I did.

So years have passed, I consider myself as a rather successful woman now. I’m 27, I consider myself Buddhist (I am a terrible Buddhist I know), I am an Occupational Therapy Assistant and I have a great husband (I married the guy I was with in high school). And he loves the real me—the crazy closet weeb, cartoon watching, creative, expressive, me! The person who also writes fanfiction about a romance novel and he is fine with it. Because he is a huge nerd too and we are both nerds together.

My husband is my best friend and I don’t know what I’d do without him. When I write about Rhemi and Muriel, I draw a lot of inspiration with our conversation we have and how relationship dynamics are and I think it makes the writing more authentic and makes them feel a bit more real.

I love my husband more than anything… So why do I keep dreaming about that stupid asshole that just liked the fake me? D was and always will be a total tool. He is like the basic bitch of a man. And yet I still find him creeping in my dreams and I try to cheat on my husband with him in them. I wake up feeling totally terrible and weird after them too. D is a terrible fucking person—the worst person you can be in my opinion—The kind of person why lies and tells people one thing, but hides the fact that he’s really just a nasty fuck boy. If you are one, just be honest! Don’t tell another woman you're a good christan man, when really you’ve slept with not just one, but multiple girls! That how you get fucking STDs! I hate being lied to, and I’m sure other girls do too! So I guess that’s why I do, because I felt like I was lied to my entire life. Then again, why should I even care?! Why do I feel like I still obsess over him? I hate him so much now! So why do I even care? Why do I still find myself stalking him on social media? Why does it even matter? Why do I want him to see I’m happy without him? Why do I want him to see what he could have had with me? We were just stupid teenagers! Why did I care so much? Why did it hurt so much when I found out he didn’t like me?! It’s been over a decade, and we didn’t even really date! Why did this affect me so hard? …. FUCK!

So yeah. That’s my long ass rant for you all… thanks for coming to my ted talk.

#story time #mad llama momma story #true story #weird dreams #why does my brain do this?#anybody relate?#does anyone get me?#vent post

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migleefulmoments · 5 years ago

Text

Chris Speaks Through ATOM

Abby’s Book Club is finally coming through with the long-promised lit analysis of A Tale Of Magic by Christopher Paul Colfer.

Like all great explorations of fiction, they are looking for the author’s main messages. The tinhatters love them some symbolism so they will be scouring the tome, searching for anything they can make into a symbol of Darren’s great oppression, Darren’s great love, Darren’s gay or just plain old Darren.

The one thing that stuck out to me as I listened to the audiobook-well besides the obvious LGBTQ themes- was the lack of anything suggesting Crisscolfer. TLOS had several romances that the tinhatters were able to exploit to meet their symbolic needs, but ATOM is about kids- the main character is 14 yo and romance is not on her mind and many other characters are even younger. The story is about self-acceptance and homophobia, The characters have many lessons to learn before they can think about a healthy romance. But never fear, Abby’s Book Club found what they were cclooking for and see Darren all over the story. But first, let’s talk a little about what I see in a quick and dirty analysis of the most obvious themes of the story and then talk about what Chris says about his own story while promoting it.

One thing about Mr. Colfer’s writing is that he doesn’t rely on subtlety to get his message across- his messages are loud and clear and right there for you. True, he is writing for kids, but he just isn’t subtle- he beats his message with the veracity of an over-excited Bam Bam Rubble. In an interview (below) with the Advocate, the interviewer asks about the obvious conversion therapy storyline Chris responds by thanking them for picking up on that. Thank you for picking up on that? It’s so obvious! It’s Stephen King thanking his readers for picking up on the horror themes in Carrie.

Under a cut because this is super long

Chris Speaks Through ATOM

While promoting the book, Chris made it very clear that the story is meant to be a book of inspiration for kids around the world. He was inspired to write a book he calls a “manifesto for compassion” after getting so depressed about our political climate and receiving letters from scared gay kids from around the world. He wanted to write a book that

“parents and teachers could use as a point of reference when they explain the troubling things their kids and students see on the news. I hope it puts things into perspective while giving them a magical adventure at the same time”

He goes on to say the current political climate is the entire inspiration for his book. When asked what his overarching message he answered:

“The current climate was the entire inspiration...when I sat down to actually write it, I felt so angry and helpless by the state of the world, I had to do something more so I could sleep at night. Even if I was the wrong messenger, even if it didn’t do well, I wanted to do anything I possibly could to guide the next generation onto a better path”

When asked about the overarching message of the main character being discriminated against for her gender and her magic abilities, he replied:

“I want young people to know that just because they’re born into an environment that doesn’t accept or appreciate them, that doesn’t mean there isn’t an environment that will. There’s a lot of love waiting for you out there if you’re willing to look for it. I’m living proof. Also, the more the world discourages you, the more it needs you.”

When questioned about the storyline that clearly references conversion therapy he said:

“Thank you for making that connection. In my opinion, the purpose of fiction, besides providing an escape, is to subconsciously plant seeds of reason and compassion in people’s minds. That was the sole mission of the Brothers Grimm and Charles Perrault. After reading about the horrible and abusive experiences at the Correctional Facility in A Tale of Magic, I hope my readers will grow up with a resentment of conversion therapy already ingrained within them. If I can get them to sympathize with the struggles of a fictitious magical community, then maybe, just maybe, they’ll be more likely to sympathize with the struggles of other communities fighting for acceptance in the real world.”

He was asked: In addition to A Tale of Magic being a novel, do you see it as a work of LGBTQ activism?

“I’d like to think so. Although, I have no control over how other people will interpret it. For me, the magic in A Tale of Magic is an allegory for being gay. The characters are raised to believe magic is demonic and unnatural. They’re sent to camps where they “pray the magic away.” And they’re all on a mission to prove "magic isn’t a choice." But what magic represents for me may be different for a little girl in Egypt or a teenage boy in Japan. We all have obstacles that hold us back. We’re all assigned different stigmas based on our circumstances. So, whatever your “magic” may be, A Tale of Magic is about overcoming the forces that suppress it”.

ATOM is dedicated to the LGBTQ pioneers who came before you, what particular figures?

“There are a hundred names I could list that everyone knows, but it’s really about the people who are unknown. I get pretty emotional when I think about it. There are millions of people who never got to reap the benefits of their courage and honesty, but because they stood up when they did, I get to do what I love and be with who I love. I can’t imagine the bravery it took. Even right now, there are people in other parts of the world reading this website in secret, looking for encouragement as they fight for their right to exist. Wherever they are, I hope they can feel the future’s gratitude.”

Themes and Message of ATOM

LGBTQ

“Magic” is an allegory for being gay. Society is scared of magic and detests anyone who can perform magic. Magical creatures have all been banished from the kingdom and anyone with magical powers has to hide it from the kingdom or they will be sent to a special “correctional” facility where they will be forced to try to rid themselves of their special powers. The magic kids are called “fairies” (I couldn’t decide if this made me laugh or if it was horrifying).

Self-acceptance: Madam Weatherberry is recruiting students for her new academy, Hogwarts (I can’t remember the real name but I believe it was a mouthful and a running gag). The academy will teach magic but it will also teach it’s students self-acceptance and how to love oneself. Brystal finds herself a leader at the school.

Normalize magic to change society’s perception: The kingdom is a dystopian world that resembles Trump’s base in 2020 or all of America up until the 20th century. The father insists on austerity for the entire family and women have no rights. Women aren’t allowed to read (except recipes and grocery lists), they are required to look like ‘Living dolls” at all times including wearing complicated, layered clothing and women and girls do all of the work around the home and garden. Girls are expected to want nothing more than to get married and have children. Anyone with magical abilities is immediately shunned and sent to a correctional facility to be cured. Madame Weatherberry’s new school’s mission is also to change society’s perception of magic kids through normalizing magic. She also rejects society’s strict rules for male and female rules. Girls are allowed to read and study in the same books and classes as the boys.

Chosen Families- Brystal is shunned by her family and after being convicted of being magical, she is sent away to the “correctional facility”. It is there, away from her real family that she meets the people who become her chosen family.

It Get’s Better: Brystal learns that it gets better when she is empowered by Madame Weatherberry to love and accept herself. She meets other magic kids who support and love her replacing her judgemental, unsupportive family who shunned her. Brystal is so empowered that she leads the effort and successfully defeats the villain in the story

Conversation therapy is horrific- The “correctional facility” is a dark place where young fairies spend years living in austere conditions away from their parents. They have to follow strict rules and participate in “therpies” in order to cure themselves of their magic. Like in real conversation therapy, the techniques to rid the magic are barbaric and ineffective.

This is my quick-and-dirty analysis from what I remember, I don’t have the book to reference (I can��t bring myself to listen to 25 hours of audiobook) and I am not great at this. So now let’s see what the Book Club has come up with shall we? I am highlighting the ccDarren analysis with both bold and italics. I am not going to add my own comments to their posts just becuase I don’t want it to get confusing. Notice how they pull out one word from the to associated with Darren’s story. It’s literature’s version of cropping a video into 1-2 seconds, slowing it down and making it a gif to watch over and over and over.

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Abby’s Book Club

December 26, 2019

Submission from a friend (I posted my brief thoughts at the end). Major spoilers below. Scroll past if you haven’t read and don’t want to know.

First off, just in the note to the readers, I knew this book was going to be full of some good stuff.

Obviously, all interpretations are my own, after my first read through.

“A tale of magic follows a group of young fairies as they fight for acceptance in an oppressive world where magic is outlawed and despised. This story is very close to my heart, and writing it was the most challenging and emotional process I’ve experienced as an author to date. …… I hope it encourages and comforts anyone who may be fighting their own battle for acceptance and equality.”

Fairies= anyone feeling different or told they can’t be who they are, perhaps including the LGBT community? Hmm.. Close to his heart? What closer to his heart than the reality he’s living?

“If we want to change the world’s opinion it must be encouraged, not forced– and nothing encourages people like a good spectacle.”

Hmm… a spectacle? Sounds familiar. You can’t force anyone to believe anything, but it can be encouraged by opening your eyes to a good spectacle, like say a wedding, and realizing that it just doesn’t make sense if you open your eyes. Nuff said.

One of the books that Brystal comes across is by Daisy Peppernickel. I think that speaks for itself. It’s clearly known that Daisy is a certain someone’s nickname, especially used by the part of his fans that believe in Daisy.

“.. each author’s cause of death was EXECUTED FOR CONSPIRACY AGAINS THE KINGDOM. … It was a graveyard for truth and an archive of people the Justices had silenced.”

Deleted tweets, accounts vanishing into thin air. This sounds a lot like the conspiracies against (str8) fandom. It’s no secret that people have been silenced.

“All the books in the secret room were written by people who felt and thought exactly like she did, by people who questioned information, who criticized social restrictions, who challenged the systems set in place, and who weren’t afraid to make their ideas known.”

Questioning information? Challenging the system? Not afraid to make their ideas known? Can’t think of anybody that might do that.

“Personally, I think life is way to complicated for anyone’s life to be set in stone.”

Even though D seems to be in a death sentence, there’s way more to life and his fate is not set in stone. C believes in his man, and knows he can overcome this.

“Sometimes as a survival method, fairies suppress their magic so deep within themselves that it becomes extremely difficult to reach it.”

This reminds me of D’s dudebro persona that he brings out. He’s suppressing himself so far that at times he’ll turn himself into a different caricature of himself. We all know Daisy is in there somewhere under the layers of D-bag.

“It’s very hard watching someone you love in so much pain.”

C watching the person he loves get knocked down over and over, he’s speaking directly from his own experience here.

“Horence had the misfortune of falling in love with a witch. … Naturally, such a relationship was forbidden, so for over a decade, Horence and the witch carried on a secret affair. When Horence’s soldiers discovered the relationship, the men betrayed their commander. They burned Horence at the stake and forced the witch to watch it happen.”

Using LGBT to equal ‘magical’ (As I’ve found countless references I haven’t even put in here) D fell in love with someone magical (gay), and their relationship was forbidden and secret. Once their secret was out, the team made D pay for it and C had to watch it all go down with nothing that he could do. (Except throw all his angst into his books ;) )

“We must pity the people who close to hate, Brystal. Their lives will never be as meaningful as those of the people who choose to love.”

The pathetic souls that do nothing but hate on C C and spread hate will never have as meaningful of a life as those that chose to love and support our boys.

“We all know how terrible keeping a secret can feel. Secrets are like parasites, the longer you keep them inside you, the more damage they cause.”

The longer D is force to stay closeted, the more damage it does to him.

“If we had had everything we wanted then, we might never have found what we needed now.”

This to me feels like C is actually a little bit thankful for the bumps in the road. He’s trying to look on the bright side. If things had always been easy for them, they might have taken it for granted. Everything they’ve been through has only made them stronger. If they can get through all of this shit alive, they can make it through absolutely anything.

“She dreamed the fairy was repeatedly knocked to the ground by a ferocious monster in a fur coat and snowflake crown.”

The ferocious monster in a fur coat? Makes me think of another monster that wears a fur coat. Shade.

“You can stop pretending, Brystal. I know you’re aware of much more than you’re letting on.”

C knows that we know. He’s not living under a rock.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I refuse to sit back and let a frosty old witch take Madame Weatherberry away from us.”

Frosty old witch= Obviously M

“Do you guys know what your love languages are? Mine is quality time. It used to be physical touch, but that wasn’t working very well, so I had to change it. People are so picky about personal space and–”

C cherishes any quality time that he gets to have with D, since it it’s not always available.

“Sometimes good people do bad things for the right reasons.”

I have this bookmarked, along with some other passages about the Snow Queen / Mrs. Weatherberry. I know that there’s /some/ significance around this, but I haven’t fully figured out exactly what all it symbolizes. I have a few ideas, but nothing really seems to line up completely to me. I’d love to hear your thoughts on it at some point!

I think those are the big things that I’ve bookmarked. There’s so much more I could talk about, but I’m afraid it would start to not make any sense if I just started rambling, so I decided to go off of passages from the book and my thoughts on why I think they’re significant or tie into C C.

You can feel free to just keep this for yourself, or post it at a later date, or take pieces parts to post. Whatever you want!

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ajw adds: I know I’ve been really bad about posting on the book. I saved this submission because I thought it was brilliant and a lot of great insights.

My opinion on the Madame W/Horence/Ice Queen? C is Madame W/Ice Queen and D is Horence. I too thought frosty old queen at first referred to m. But once the twist was revealed I’m convinced it’s c and his dual personality like the twins. He is a Gemini as he likes to remind us. It’s his struggle between being happy with the love he was blessed with and his desire to destroy for the people that have so gravely hurt them.

The quote above to think about most.

Sometimes good people do bad things for the right reasons.

That’s him talking about their Pr life and I’d guess directly addressing the fraud in NOLA. He’s believed in d and he wants us to believe in him too.

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February 7, 2020 (X)

Anonymous asked:

Call me crazy but the 'out of the woods' thing got me thinking. Wasn't froggy hiding away in the woods while he didn't feel free to let himself be seen? Didn't he get fake married in the woods? D is forced to hide away in the woods because he can't be himself. Out of the woods could be a hint for just general freedom, not just done with the current projects. Plus HE will be around more once he is free to be himself, as opposed to his team tweeting most of the time as him.

Nonnie, excellent analogy, Froggy did in fact hide in the woods and was hiding when he first met the twins, though he did not fake marry. The wedding in the woods was very real- Jack and Goldie who also represent D&C.

But let’s even take if further. M, as part of her narcissistic need to mock fandom, staged that wedding at a venue where it looked like it was a “wedding in the woods.” Mocking C and D and fandom.

D, in his own words, is now almost “out of the woods.” He is very deliberate and he has used that phrase twice now in just a few weeks. It certainly makes me think….

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February 8, 2020 (X)

Anonymous asked:

So I’m 100% convinced they were together up through mid season 4. Didn’t C that was the time he was going through rough times in his personal life? And he took out in his book?

ajw720 answered: C released TLOS2 on August 6, 2013, right before the start of season 4 of G/lee. What was happening season 3? His relationship with RM completely broke down. And more, at some point during season 3, and you can see it play out on screen with the change in how K/laine was treated, a decision was made to severally closet D and to hide the CC relationship. And while she had not yet moved to LA, it was only a few months away so likely something talked about and decided. And this is likely leading into the time they decided D could be the next pop sensation to fulfill millions of teenage dreams ,So angsty indeed but I don’t think they broke up. Not long after W transitioned from PA to BF. W is solely a tool to hide CC. They may have been having troubles, but very much in a relationship that TPTB decided had to be hidden.

Remember in TLOS2, the evil character was blatantly named after PBB. There were a group of men locked in jars, frankly i think each represented parts of D that Swiller bottled up in a jar. And I think it was just C venting and getting it out. While CC was clearly present in TLOS1, it is TLOS2 where C started using his voice and he has not stopped through to his most recent book where he is still talking about D and their story.

souly And let’s not forget this chapter in TLOS2. IMO, one of the most interesting ones.

ajw720 Yesterday was a day as many of you know and I completely fucked this up. The book came out after season 4. So even more angsty that what I wrote. While C was writing this his world was kind of falling apart. Things were bad on set. They had separated him and d during filming using the onscreen break up as a device to break them up in real life. PBB was moved to LA and W was suddenly being used to appear like a possible bf. So much of that book was about what was happening especially the jars and the chapter @souly identified. This is when he publicly announced that m was an evil force in their lives.

And again he’s still using his books. D is all over ATOM. Still going strong.

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February 8, 2020 (X)

Let’s Talk about the Book Again, Shall We? I was inspired by the excerpt of sequel!

This post is about the character, who I don’t think is M, though in later books, who know (she seems to perhaps have a turn in A T/ale of W/itchraft?), but I think she less desirable traits are absolutely modeled after M. Some of my fav quotes under read more. C I love you, I laughed at loud at some of these lines.

Lucy Goosey or as she pronounces it, “Goo-say” which we would know if we had any “class.” Just reminds me so much of D pronouncing PBB’s last name which is not how it looks:)

C’s introduction of Lucy Goo-say:

“The girl wore a black bowler hat, an oversize black jumpsuit, big black boots, and a bottlecap necklace. She carried a small suitcase made from a taxidermy porcupine, and a canteen made from a beaver skull was draped over her shoulder.

On describing her perception of her talents:

“We are not just a family, we’re the Goose Troupe! You can’t have a band without its star tambourine player.”

And:

“and exceptional talent… don’t forget exception talent.”

And

“And I have thousands of adoring fans.”

Our Lucy hates performing in the Southern Kingdom, due to the restrictions, described as follows, which are admittedly horrible but makes me think of things that would be of concern to our fake Mrs.:

“They’ve got all these rules about what artists are allowed to do. We can’t sing profanity, we can’t play loudly, we can’d dance crudely, everyone has to be clothed- it takes all the fun out of it! I can’t even bang my tambourine on my hip without being fined!”

On describing Ms. Goo-say’s bedroom:

“As she stepped inside, Brystal had to remind herself she was stepping into a thirteen year old girl’s bedroom, because Lucy’s chamber looked like a tavern.” Huh, tavern, Swiller’s favorite type of place.

And my Favorite line perhaps in the entire book as it describes PBB, I mean L/ucy, so well and is a sign in her bedroom (this line wakes me want to kiss C it is so fabulous):

“PLAY HARD, WORK HARDLY.”

And upon meeting a troll, Lucy describes herself as a “celebrity” and declares:

“I’m Lucy Goose, of the world renowned Goose Troupe. I’m sure you have been to one of my shows. Me and my family have performed for trolls and goblins all over the In-Between. We’re kind of a big deal around here.”

The Troll replies:

“oh yes, I remember you. You’re the fat girl who hit the obnoxious box of chimes until I had a splitting headache.”

Remind anyone of a member of an internationally renowned touring band?

#chris speaks through atom #atom spoilers

*******************************************************************************************

Feb 8th, 2020 (X)

flowersintheattic254 @ajw720 thank you for the reminder. The decrisption of the bedroom has me in hysterics and of course her absolute belief she was talented. I remember reading your copy in a day and messaging you over Lucy, so many things reminded me of Swill/er, but the….

“PLAY HARD, WORK HARDLY.”

…was perfection.

ajw720 @flowersintheattic254 I remember that day well. I found myself waiting for your messages so we could discuss more and more. Just did a second, very short post on lies to post shortly.

But I do think we need to adopt

PLAY HARD, WORK HARDLY

as another classic fandom phrase, thanks to our amazing captain, when describing she who loves to swill:)

leka-1998 I couldn’t stop myself.

flowersintheattic254 @leka-1998 I 💕 you 🙂.

notes-from-nowhere This is hilarious. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

*******************************************************************************************

February 9, 2020 (X)

flowersintheattic254 ATOM quote from the Snow Queen/Madame Weatherberry.

“My husband never committed a crime or hurt anyone in his life, but humankind murdered him simply to teach me a lesson”.

I think of this quote often.....

ajw720 I think about it often as well. I have no one single doubt that H/orence is D and MW/SQ is C. C is telling you d never did anything punishable. He simply fell in love with his male co-star. His human right. Love is love. Yet he’s been punished every damn day for it, and it’s only gotten worse.

What they have done to him, in my eyes, is akin to torture. No he hasn’t been murdered but they stolen his spirit and they’ve denied him the ability to speak his truth and to love freely. And they’ve jeopardized his well being. And c has had to watch this happen to the person he loves the most and to support him and love him and continue to give him the strength to get out of bed every day. Why @flowersintheattic254 and I almost simultaneously called c fiercely loyal.

Now add C’s recent quote:

***********************************************

February 9, 2020 (X)

Let’s Talk about lies, shall we? As C views them in ATOM

Again under read more thought it is has been 5 months, so I hope you all have read this book by now.

Brystal is confronted with the fact that Madame Weatherberry had lied that individuals are born as either a witch or fairy when she discovers that in fact individuals with magic are able to CHOOSE whether to be a witch of a fairy and she founds herself conflicted as she realizes her teacher lied:

“Having magical abilities isn’t a choice, but no one in the magical community is born a fairy or a witch. We all get to be whatever we want, whenever we want. Personally, I have never identified as one or the other, that’s why I call myself a sorceress.”

After Brystal sees that one can in fact practice both magic and witchcraft, she is told she should ask the Tree of Truth for the answer as to why her teacher lied. But only, as the Sorceress warns, if she can “handle the truth, most people can’t.”

Wow, C is telling us exactly what we know, most people can’t handle the truth and therefore refuse to accept it. Sound familiar?

So Brystal seeks out the Tree of Truth and asks why Madame Weatherberry lied: The tree replies:

“The same reason everyone lies…to hide the truth.” The Tree goes on to say, what I think might truly be the most important line in the book:

“noble people lie for noble reasons.”

He is telling us, he is daring everyone of his readers that is a fan to read and assess and to ask: what lesson is he trying to teach us, his more adult audience? He is telling us that D, as well as he himself who lies to support D, lie for worthy reasons. We may never know those reasons, but they are good.Or at least necessary. We will never know the threats they endure daily, but I am confident they are lying because they feel is is the only path they could chose.

**************************************************************************************

October 9, 2020 and February 9, 2020 (X)

Let’s Talk about the Book shall We?

I am going to put this under read more to be kind to those that don’t want to read the post before the book. And reminder, if you reblog, please tag with “ATOM Spoilers” and “Chris speaks through ATOM” so make sure we are respectful of those who are not able to read it yet. I am starting with some smaller things to give people some time.

Also, please don’t rely on me to tell you everything about the book, I have talked to several and we all see things slightly differently about certain aspects but all agree, a powerful message is being sent by C. Please, please read it. And please send my your thoughts. I am going to spread the posts, try to do 1 a day if I can, so it might take a few days, but the more ideas, the more discussion. I am hardly the authority here, just one person with some thoughts.

Partial Ask: The tales of t/idbit t/witch in chapter three reminds me of D’s fight and that even though it may look bleak at times he will defeat the dragon and win. But that’s a pretty clear one. (Anon you know I am saving the rest of later as that is clearly the most relevant discussion but the biggest spoiler)

**********************************************************************

Anon I could not agree more, absolutely Tid/bit fighting something bigger and who is perceived to be stronger is no question a parallel for D and his fight with TPTB, regardless of who you currently think the oppressors are as so many people have harmed him through the years.

In Chapter One, B/rystal is caught reading the Tales of Ti/dbit T/witch. For those that have read the book, you know, women are banned from reading books, as they are made for “male eyes only” as woman’s “mind’s are too delicate to be educated” at this time in the narrative in the Southern Kingdom (prejudice and oppression). Her mother takes the book away from her right before the end and says “The world is dark, Br/ystal, you are a fool if you let anyone tell you otherwise.” Her mom the proceeds to take all of the books that B/rystal has hidden in her room.

B/rystal however finds a brilliant and creative way to not just finish T/idbit T/witch, but also to read many, many books, including those that are banned (another discussion we can have).

When the book had been taken from her, B/rystal only had 7 pages left to read and was unsure of T/idbit’s fate after his fall caused by running from the Dragon.

How many times do you think D has felt like he was being all consumed by people from all sides trying to force him into living this current nightmare? That he was helpless and that he could not possibly win? He has been oppressed by F/ox, RM (whether you think he might be helpful now or not), SS (K/en S/unshine to me is still one of the major evil forces), Jumping Jackass, PBB, PBB’s family, and to a lesser extend “friends” and acquaintances surrounding him that have willfully chosen to enable the situation to an extreme. That is the parallel of T/dibit running from the dragon and then fearing the boulders ahead of him. The danger is surrounding him and it seems inescapable.

And yet a miracle happens, T/dibut falls through the crack to safety and the dragon is killed in his pursuit. And the Kingdom of Mice is saved as “the world welcomed a new era of much-needed peace, and it was all thanks to a tiny mouse that braved a big monster.”

Wow, if that is not a huge statement about C’s faith in D. When C wrote this book, he knew what was happening, he knew D was encaged and I would guess he was well aware at this point the sham mockery would occur. Yet he still believes D is going to win (talk about having faith in someone) and to me, the part about bringing peace to the kingdom is stating that C still believes that he and D can absolutely make a difference in this world when they are finally able to stop running and find peace. D and C’s power may seem minimal, but there will be a time that will effectuate change in this world.

#Crisscolfer #crisscolfer lol #cc #darren criss #Chris colfer #Chris speaks though ATOM #Book club analysis

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da-chi · 5 years ago

Text

Let me tell you something...

Possible triggers: Internalized aphobia, non-explicit sex mentions, mentions of anxiety.

Excuse my grammar/wording/spelling/sentence placement problems. English isn't my first language and I tried my best.

So. I’m usually not one to talk about personal stuff with friend or family, much less online, but I felt the need to write AND share the story about how I dealt with being a-spec and just finding out recently (today) that it is ok to not have all the answers right at this moment, and that I’m not the only one who felt like didn’t belong, like something in her didn’t fit in “normalcy”. So here it is, I hope you don’t get bored.

All my life (or as far as I can remember) I’ve always felt off. Off like something was missing in me, or the way I viewed things.

I was a kid who liked “boys” stuff for a while, and then I started liking “girls” stuff, and then it was all a mash-up of both, which my mother always accepted and supported, so I felt like that “off thing” wasn’t my tastes or my gender identity. I always got along with boys better than with girls when younger and that was never questioned either, not by my family nor myself, so that wasn’t “it” either. When growing up I started getting along with older people better than kids/teenagers my own age, and I started having a better relationship with girls than with boys. Mind you, I thought all of this was normal, and it is, but I never stopped and asked myself “Why am I going around trying to fit in? What am I looking for? What ‘s missing?”.

I had a few crushes when I was a teenager, all of them were boys who looked a certain type of way, all of them impossible to have: one of them liked my best friend, the other was too old for me, and the other liked the most popular girl. The interesting thing was that I never felt the “urge” to be with them, or the pain from not being able to be in a relationship with them. I was content with just being their friend, even helping them get together with their own crushes. The thought of being in a romantic relationship never crossed my mind. I never once thought that me not having any sort of interest in love and even sex while my peers were already experiencing all of that was “unordinary”.

During the time I was 16 I thought for a while that maybe my lack of interest was probably because I just didn’t like boys, so in my last year of high school with the help of alcohol (pls kids don’t do this, drinking underage is illegal) I had my first kiss, ever. With a girl. And I didn't like it. Nope, it wasn’t because it was with a girl or just because she didn’t kiss well, because she did, I think ( I was inexperienced, ok?). It was because the act of kissing struck me like nothing more than just a very long exchange of saliva and an awkward tongue swords play. Me being me ignored that fact by just thinking “probably it’ll feel different when I actually like someone.”

2 of my 3 best friends had never had any sort of relationship and were not in a rush to be in one, so I thought I was just the same as them.

……………………….

Brief pause to pat my young, innocent, oblivious, and confused 16 yo self.

*pats*

Ok let’s continue

……………………...

Didn’t really think about the matter again until I was 17, moved to another country with a different language and the family I hadn’t seen for 14 years started asking the questions people asked my mom instead of me “Any boyfriend? Do you like someone? How many boyfriends have you had? None? Why? Are your standards that high? What’s wrong?”

And then I remembered. I remembered never wanting a boyfriend. I remembered never really liking someone. I remembered craving friendship with multiple and all sorts of people, but never craving something that should be normal to crave for at my age. I remembered always thinking that something in me felt like was “turned off”, and never really thinking about it (Now I know it was because I was scared of what I would find if I looked into it, scared that I wasn’t “normal”). I remember my mother being asked about me and my lack of any type of interest in the matter and her saying “there’s no rush. It’ll come when it has to come.”

I did not, in fact, know what was wrong with me.

The anxiety I’d had since the age of 14 started getting worse and worse and the voice inside of my head wouldn’t stop asking what was wrong with us. That voice started attacking me, calling me names like “heart of ice” or “ice queen” (as cliche as it sounds), would never shut up about how I would end up alone because no one ever could love someone who couldn’t love. “How can you love romance books and not like someone real? Are you nuts? You probably are. You are broken.”

I got scared of myself and others too.

I always was a bright, outgoing yet shy person; my friendly nature always making me want to be close to people, but after my anxiety became a bottomless pit I started pushing people away in an unusual way. I would get close to them enough to call them friends but after a while, I would distance myself from them, never replying to texts or always canceling on them, for instance. I made sure I kept myself close enough to never feel lonely but the moment I felt too close I would take 2 steps back. (This, sadly, is something I still have to deal with and am trying to change, not only with friends but family too.)

……………………………..

Months after I felt my first “like” for someone (which honestly it was just me being completely dazed by his kindness, nothing more). It was fast and stupid and didn’t make sense, I was learning a new language and starting a new job and we just got close and I knew it had no future but I didn’t care because I had hope again, hope that I wasn’t broken and could finally talk about butterflies and fireworks and even heartbreak.

He liked me back (surprise!!), but I remember not being happy, nor excited, nor…. Disappointed.

“Probably if I kiss him I’ll know if I really like him. Perhaps, if I kiss him, I will feel something again.”

After a very, very uncomfortable and wet and too long for my liking kiss, I remember feeling nothingness, emptiness, the kind you feel when you aren’t hungry nor full. Like when you listen to a song you used to love but feel nothing and think nothing, just an “Oh. Cool. That’s a nice song.”

It didn’t work out of course.

“Probably he just wasn’t the right one.”

I lost a friend and a little bit of myself after that.

……………………………..

At the age of 18, my best friend confessed to me, he told me he had liked me for a long time. Of course, my oblivious self didn’t notice and hurt him, hard.

Worst part, I didn’t like him back. I was so afraid because I knew what that meant. My best friend would leave me because broken me couldn’t make herself feel something for him. (I was in a dark place guys, pls bare with my drama.)

And yet, I would never lie about something so serious, so I didn’t. And I was right, he said he couldn’t deal with just being my friend, and he was completely right. I could not ask him to still be friends when he felt so much for me. I just didn’t understand (because how could I?), but I agreed and respected his feelings. He was several years older than me and had had past serious relationships, so I trusted his experience.

After several days of no communication whatsoever, he texted me again and devoted all his free time to win me over, no kidding.

(Later I would find out it was my mother who convinced him that he had to fight for me, that I was just, for some reason, scared and closed off to the idea of having a relationship. She blamed my dad, whom I didn’t have a good relationship with for a good chunk of my life, for being the reason why I never let any man get close enough to me. How could I blame her? She never suspected I was different because I never told her anything.)

And a month later, I started liking him. Like, really, really, liking him. We started going out and eventually, I fell in love. I loved the way he would make me feel. I loved how much he accepted me and how open-minded he was. I loved we liked most of the same stuff and that our hobbies were so alike. I loved how different he was to my dad. I loved how gentlemanly he was. I loved many things about him; I loved him in my own, different way. Different, because kisses for him were butterflies and summer and oceans and to me never felt any different than just two mouths moving against each other; they weren’t disgusting, they weren’t meaningless, they just were kisses. Different, because he needed sexual affection, and I didn’t. Different, because sex was such an important thing for him, that I would do it just to make him happy. Different, because to me, joining hands and cuddling were more than enough to show my love. It was different, not less or more, even if he believed until the last day that he loved me more.

I broke up with him two years later and it was painful and ugly and illuminating.

Heartbreak meant that my dependency on him needed to be replaced with dependency on myself. I needed to trust and listen to myself more than ever. I needed to stop looking for validation and assurance that “yes, you are normal, you just take your time.”

I needed to stop listening to the voice that repeated “you will always hurt whoever approaches you because you can’t give them what they need” over and over again.

Being alone trying to find answers made me join a talented community that welcomed me with open arms and a lot of love and acceptance. A community that gave me the gift of meeting extraordinary people who, in their own way, felt the same as me and never rejected/judged me for that. Made me realize that my taste in stuff is broader than I thought and that it was ok to like certain stuff. It made me accept myself and others. Made me take pride in who I was and never, ever, feel bad about it.

Thanks to this community, and these people, I got to understand I was Demiromantic Asexual (with gray areas).

That not wanting kids is not some crazy millennial nonsense like my family kindly (haha) makes sure to let me know every time I bring the topic up.

That being indifferent to kisses and sex but needing affection and hugs and touches is not contradicting.

That being open to being with someone but also being happy alone is normal.

In my 20s I wholly comprehend I still have a lot to learn about myself, that I might not fall fully under one label but many and I don’t know yet, but that’s what growing up means. And for the first time in my whole life, I’m excited to see what more I have to offer.

……………………………..

Notes: Special thanks to @kkazulwolf because they were kind and awesome enough to listen to me, let me ask questions and reassure me It is ok.

#aspec positivity #personal #accepting oneself #sorry for the wall of text #sorry if it was boring #i just needed to open up #resolved internalized aphobia

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xlazyunicornx · 5 years ago

Note

all of them pls

99 gay-ish asks

1. how tall are you?

- 1.65 m

2. what is your body type?

- I have an oval body shape

3. what is your favorite part about your body?

- My back

4. is your current hair color your natural hair color?

- Yes

5. are you more outgoing or more shy?

- I'm something inbetween, it also depends on the people I'm with/confronted with

6. are you more femme or butch?

- Femme

7. are you tol or smol?

- I'm again something in between

8. wine mom or vodka aunt?

- Vodka aunt

9. weird habit?

- Biting the insides of my cheeks

10. favorite meme?

- I love vines, especially the "Is there anything better than pussy? Yes, a really good book" one

11. do you sing in the shower?

- No

12. ever used a bow and arrow?

- Yes

13. are/were you a theatre kid?

- No

14. have you ever seen a broadway musical?

- No

15. do you think musicals are cheesy?

- No

16. have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?

- No

17. favorite Cards Against Humanity Card?

- I have sadly never played that game

18. last movie you watched?

- Pokémon Detective Pikachu

19. behind the camera or in front of it?

- Behind

20. favorite tv show?

- Almost anything on the channel TLC

21. meaning behind your url

- Well, I've had this username on twitter, instagram and snapchat already, which I all created when I was between 12-14 years old so I just went with it...I thought I was a unicorn because it was very popular to do so + like everything was unicorn themed and yuh

22. reason you joined tumblr

- To find better fanfiction (I'm coming from Wattpad)

23. who’s your closest tumblr friend?

- I don't have one I'd say I'm the closest to, I'm very close to a lot of my mutuals

24. what’s something most people love that you hate?

- The smell of gas

25. have you ever taken narcotics?

- No

26. have you had sex?

- No

27. have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

- Not really

28. worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?

- I can't remember

29. describe your passion without mentioning it.

- I don't really have a passion

30. describe your best friend.

- I don't have a best friend, I see all of my friends equally

31. give us one thing about you that no one knows.

- That I'm probably gonna be jobless after finishing school in July lol

32. how do you feel right now?

- I'm okay, not feeling anything negative

33. what is your biggest fear?

- Heights and depths

34. what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

- Bounce Back by Little Mix

35. what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?

- To remove toxic people from it

36. have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?

- Heeeeeell yeah

37. something you fantasize about.

- Very slow, passionate, vanilla sex; I imagine it to be very intimate and I love the idea of it

38. last time you cried and why

- November 21 because my friend told me face to face that her mum has cancer and I imagined how it would be if my mum had cancer and we basically cried our eyes out for a good half an hour

39. what was the last thing that made you laugh?

- Not a thing lol but my mum

40. do you really, truly miss someone right now?

- No

41. who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

- My two friends that I met when I changed schools

42. the last time you felt broken?

- When I found out one of my friend is in hospital and he texted me saying he feels like dying

43. are you starting to realize anything?

- Yes, that I'm probably jobless after finishing school in July yet again lmao

44. are you more dominant or more submissive?

- More dominant

45. i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)

- Show respect towards me, are honest, are reliable, are loyal and make me laugh

46. do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?

- Girls: The same age as me and younger

Boys: The same age as me and older

But I honestly am not picky, I take whoever catches my eye

47. describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.

- Well, I'm having this on-off crush on him, which isn't his fault, I'm complicated. He's taller than me (ca. 1.80 m), quite lanky and he has a deep voice. We went to the same primary school together and now are in the same grade again. He's very intelligent and he's tutoring me in business studies. He's super loud while speaking and talking. Confident indeed but not in an arrogant kind of way. He's a funny dude as well.

48. do you have any kinks?

- I haven't been sexually active yet so I don't know what I like to be honest

49. first thing you notice in a person?

- Teeth, hands, voice and manners/behavior

50. how can someone win your heart?

- By being respectful, loyal, honest, reliable and funny

51. been rejected by a crush?

- Heeeeeell yes

52. have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

- Heeeeeell yes

53. would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

- No

54. is trust a big issue for you?

- Yes but I'm working on it

55. did you hang out with the person you like recently?

- No

56. is confidence cute?

- Yes

57. what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

- I would be happy for him, I'm in no position to be angry towards him. Of course, I'd be a bit sad but it's my fault for not confessing.

58. would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

- No

59. does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?

- No

60. ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

- Yes

61. do you want to get married?

- No

62. worst thing you’ve ever done?

- Lie to someone that means a lot to me (for example my mum)

63. three things that turn you on

- Humor, loyalty and honesty

64. who do you hate?

- I don't hate anyone, hate is a strong word. Nobody comes to my mind either.

65. favorite term of endearment?

- hugging and cuddling

66. who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?

- 100% CL of 2NE1

67. intimidating girls or kind girls?

- Kind girls

68. what do you look for in a possible partner?

- I'm repeating myself a lot, lol. But honesty, reliability, loyalty and humor.

69. do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?

- feminine or androgynous girls but yet again, it doesn't matter

70. are you good at flirting?

- I'm okay at it

71. who was the first person you came out to?

- My ex best friend

72. do you have any friends who are wlw?

- Yes

73. is your crush wlw?

- No

74. last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?

- No one

75. write a short love poem to your crush/self

- I'm not good at writing poems

76. do you fall in love easily?

- I've never been in love, it was just crushes until now

77. is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

- Oh yes

78. are you good at hiding your feelings?

- It depends but usually yes

79. are you a forgiving person?

- Yes

80. what is your “type?”

- Generally look at question 68. But for girls, I like ones that are smaller and shorter than me too. For boys, I like boys my height or taller.

81. fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours?

- Depends on how tired I am. If I'm really tired fall asleep in her arms, if not rub her back until she falls asleep in mine.

82. tall girls or short girls?

- Short girls but I honestly don't mind again

83. hugs or kisses?

- Hugs

84. twirl her around or get twirled?

- Twirl her around

85. tummy kisses or thigh kisses?

- Tummy kisses

86. hairline kisses or neck kisses?

- Neck kisses

87. play with her hair or stroke her tummy?

- Stroke her tummy

88. making out or soft kisses?

- Soft kisses

89. hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?

- Hugs around the waist

90. how confident are you in your sexuality?

- Very confident

91. when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?

- I get butterflies in my stomach

92. have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?

- No

93. how old were you when you realized you were into girls?

- I was 15

94. most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?

- Probably trip

95. do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?

- Yo, I love the concept or Jihyo and Sana, oh my God. Or Hwasa and Wheein. Those ships are most likely not canon but who knows? We might never find out.

96. what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?

- There hasn't been anything yet

97. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?

- Just a bit more than a week ago

98. what is love to you?

- When a person brings out the best in you and supports you and you do the same.

99. ask me anything. > would you kiss on a roof or in a car?

- Both

#just-ass-ass-in-things #answered

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dolanmedown · 6 years ago

Text

Beauty and the Beast (E.D.)

Author’s Note: Heyy so this imagine took me so long and made me have a brain fart but it’s finally finished sorry for any typos.

Requested: No

Word Count: 5.5k

Warnings: Curse words

Prompt: Beauty and the Beast inspired

Different. That’s how people described you to be. You were a different type of person than most people at your school. And you were ok with that.

You never found interest in what the majority did. Football games, drinking and smoking, none of that amused you. Instead you found your head buried in a book that sucked you in for hours. You had visited the school library more times than any person before, since typically no one really goes to the library this day and age.

But you didn’t care. You always found a sense of comfort in reading that you never had before. Your mom would always read to you before you went to sleep. She always had a book in her hand whenever she was home. Maybe that’s where you got it from.

But your dad said you guys were different. You were so fearless, so smart and intelligent yet so gentle and caring. According to your father, “your mother could only be one of those things depending on the day. But you, you’re all of them. You’re beautiful.”

“Actually, I’m known to be different.” You said, closing the book that was on your lap with a finger still in the book so you’d know what page to flip right back to.

Your father practically scoffed. “Nonsense. You’re unique. And that’s something no one will ever take away from you.”

Your father would always tell you that your beauty ravished from the inside out. And you thought that to be true. But you could tell there was something else that made many guys like you. Especially this one guy who wouldn’t leave you alone.

“Yo babe wait up.” There was only one person who said that to you every morning on your way to your second period class. George.

He seemed to be infatuated with you, and the very idea of love to him was just having himself between a girls legs. You pulled your binder closer to your chest hiding where his eyes were drawn to most of the time whenever you talked.

A hand reached out to touch your arm and you turned around and were faced with a huge stack of weeds that seemed to be picked from the school parking lot.

“Are those supposed to be flowers?” You asked stepping back from him as the dirt on the roots started to fall.

“Well, no. This is a way to win you over. When you come over my house there will be nice flowers set up. So,” he stepped closer and pushed the bunch of weeds into my hand, “Come over tonight?”

You pushed the weeds back into his chest. “I will never go over your house George. Sorry.” You turned and walked away to your class as he just stood there with his friends surrounding him.

“Bro she just turned you down again. That has to be a record of some kind.”

“Shut up. She’s just playing hard to get. She’ll fall into my traps soon.”

Ugh. Go to George’s house? Date George? What a disgusting thought. You wanted the real type of love. The love that was similar to those in a book. Maybe those are only stories in the books, but you wished of a love story. Not a sex story.

You weren’t exactly quite sure why George was so obsessed with you either. Many people weren’t. He was one of the most popular guys at your school and he wasn’t bad looking either. Girls pounced on him like he was their last supper and he ate it all up. He loves attention and that’s the one thing he’ll never get enough of. Along with you.

But you were just a simple girl who loved to read.

When the bell finally rung for lunch, students raced to the cafeteria to meet up with their friends and talk about drama and so on and so forth. You walked in the opposite direction of them to the school library where you went every day for lunch.

You pushed open the familiar blue doors and went into the library to the same spot you went every day. It was right next to the librarians desk since you two had lunch together.

“Hello Mrs. Mulligan.” You said, sitting down and pulling your lunch out of your bag.

“Why hello there Y/N. Looking beautiful today as always.” She complimented. You smiled at her to thank her as you thought about her.

She was a little old lady, around 63 years old. Most people wanted to retire at that age but Mrs. Mulligan loved books. She’d said the only way she’d ever leave this job is the day she couldn’t walk to this job. She loved it and had been working in this school for over 40 years.

You and her had many similarities. You were both book worms, both had lost someone dear to them, and both enjoyed quiet and peacefulness over the loudness and wildness.

Not to mention Mrs. Mulligan was gorgeous when she was younger. She had shown photos of her in high school one day after you had shown her your senior photos and she was simply gorgeous.

“Oh but not nearly as beautiful as you my dear. You have something no one else has. You have dignity.”

She always said how back in her days it was so common for people to love books. But now no one ever came into the library besides you and maybe two other people.

“Is anyone here today?” You asked, taking a might bite of your apple.

“One person I believe. He comes in pretty often but he chooses to be in the back.”

You wondered why, but then remembered not many people liked to express their likings, especially if they had to hide them because they felt embarrassed.

“Oh.” You continued to talk as you made your way around the library, looking for a book that interested you.

You came across a book that interested you and went to grab it when another hand came across to grab it as well. You looked up at the figure whose hand also reached for the book and saw a 6’2ish guy who turned away so quickly you weren’t able to see his face. Before you knew it he snatched the book away from you forcefully causing you to lose your balance and stumble back into the bookshelf a bit.

You regained your balance and he was gone.

Such a beast.

Sixth period was the last period of the day for you and it was your favorite. English. You loved english and your teachers seemed to love you more. You were the only student they had that really understood the books the assigned. You were also the only student that was able to make those connections and references to life.

You didn’t even try to be one of those kiss ups that people made you out to be. You were just so fascinated by English and literature that you got it so easily.

So when your teacher asked you to stay after class for a minute you weren’t scared like every other kid would be.

The bell rung and you stayed the extra minute like your teacher asked.

“Y/N, you are my best student when it comes to English. I was wondering if you could help tutor someone who struggles a little more.”

“Oh. I don’t know.” You said honestly. You weren’t sure if you wanted to tutor people.

“You just have a way of explaining the text and literature that makes it easy to understand. And I’ll give you service credits.” You sighed, knowing full well you would give in anyways.

“Sure thing.”

“Great, are you available tomorrow after school? It will just be in the school library.”

“Yes that’ll be fine.”

“Great, thank you so much Y/N.”

“Anytime.” You walked out of the class and out of the school. What had you gotten yourself into?

2:35. The person you were tutoring was already making a great impression. You didn’t realize they were late as your head was buried into a new book you picked out earlier at the library. At around 2:40, the library door slammed open, causing you to jump. You looked at who you were tutoring, and it was the same person who snatched the book from you at the library.

Ethan Dolan. You knew who he was. He was in your English class freshman year. You never knew what he was like since he either never showed up or didn’t care.

You were confused to say the least. Why would Ethan want tutoring for English? He hated it. Unless Mr. Alceri forced him to show up? You weren’t sure. But you were sure he didn’t want to be here.

He took the chair that was the opposite side from you. Although it wasn’t that far away, it was still a good distance that made it a bit harder to help him. But you didn’t mind. You preferred to keep your distance.

“Let’s just start by reading the chapter we’re on now. Page 14.” You both read in silence, and you became so intrigued into the book that you almost didn’t hear Ethan nearly growl.

“I don’t understand this shit! It makes no sense to me!” He exclaimed, clearly frustrated.

“What part don’t you understand?” You asked, looking up from your book to look at him. He shook his head and almost chuckled at your question.

“None of it. These stupid romance books are a fucking joke.”

“Ok well maybe you need someone to explain it to you. Here I’ll show you.” You said, getting up to go over to him. You bent over near him so your book was in front of both of your faces. It had sticky notes on almost every page to help you for your reports.

“Get that book out of my face.”

“What?” You asked, clearly confused by his demand.

“I said get the fucking book out of my face!” He yelled, grabbing the book and throwing it away. For the first time since you’ve met him you feared him, and you quickly grabbed your book off the floor before grabbing your bag and leaving the library.

Never in your life have you been that scared before. You were always one to be brave, fearless. But he just had something that was so beast like about him. Your heart was still beating out of your chest as you walked down the familiar hallways to leave the school building. You were telling your English teacher tomorrow there was no way you were tutoring anymore. At least not him.

What an asshole. You couldn’t believe you were going to waste your time trying to help someone who just you like that.

You passed by the boys locker room and held your breath, as every time you walked by it smelt like body odor and too much cologne. You heard voices and you knew it was just the basketball team. They always had practice at 2:30-4:30, which meant their practice was just around over. And when they turned the corner, you were face to face with George and 2 of his other friends.

“Aye baby, you came to see me? I’m a little sweaty right now but that’s how we’ll be tonight anyways.” He said.

Your face twisted with disgust from both the smell and words of him. He’s gross.

“Get away.” You spoke. You were in no mood to have to deal with George and his crew.

“Come on girl you don’t wanna have a little fun?”he asked, grabbing your arm to pull you closer.

“George leave me alone.” You said, pushing him off of you. He suddenly became angry and grabbed both of your arms so you couldn’t go anywhere.

“What did you just say?”he asked. You weren’t scared. You knew he was trying to be cool in front of his little macho men. But you didn’t have your chance to defend yourself.

“She said leave her alone.” A deep voice spoke. George released his grip on you and you took the opportunity to take a step back before turning around. Ethan.

“Oh and look who we have here. Ethan Dolan. Look buddy you don’t scare me. You wanna fight, let’s go.” George said.

“Don’t. He’s just trying to instigate. That’s all he does.” You said, putting your arm in front of Grayson to stop him. You weren’t sure why George would want to fight Ethan. Ethan was at least five inches taller than him, and two times more muscular as well.

“Yeah listen to your little bitch. I just can’t wait until she’s face down on my bed as I’m fucking her until she passes out. Who’s bitch is she now?” George asked. Once again your face twisted with disgust but Ethan took this opportunity to lunge at George.

They went on the floor and Ethan was definitely winning until George’s 2 other friends jumped in and attacked Ethan as well. All you saw was Ethan practically throw them away from him and they got up, looking at Ethan. He stood up and the next thing you know they all ran away from him.

You watched Ethan slowly walk over to the lockers. He seemed to be in pain as you heard him groaning.

He turned around and slid his back down the lockers, closing his eyes as he landed on the floor. You started to walk away but stopped and turned back towards him. No matter how much you disliked someone, you hated seeing people in pain.

“You have to get up for me.” You spoke softly. “I can’t help you if you don’t stand.”

He grudgingly grabbed your hand and you helped him up with whatever strength you had. You had your arm around his strong, muscular back as you led him back into the school library. You knew there was a first aid kit somewhere in there that could help you clean Ethan’s cuts.

You got him settled on a chair as you fiddled around to find the first aid kit. Her office. It was definitely in her office. You went to open the door to her office but it was locked. Normally she would’ve been here, but since she was able to go home at 2:30 there was no need for her to be here at 4:18. You thought for a moment and had an idea.

You got the bobby pin that was holding a strand of your hair back out of your hair and held it in between your teeth to separate the flat side from the jetted side. Taking the flat side you slid it into the lock, wiggled it around a few times before hearing the familiar click. Turning the door handle once more you opened the door to the office and turned the lights on. You retrieved the first aid kit from her office and closed the door, making sure it was locked before going over to Ethan.

You studied his face for a moment to look at the cuts as your mind wandered. His lip was slightly cut open, but the bigger cut was from the side of his face where he looked like he was clawed.

“Not the good girl I would’ve imagined.” He spoke, referencing to the stunt you just pulled.

“You have a big scratch on the side.” You said disregarding his last comment. You began pouring hydrogen peroxide into a cotton pad to clean it.

“Yeah I know. Such a pussy he can’t even fight with his hands he has to use his nails.”

You frowned at the language he was using and he noticed, stopping what he was saying before sitting up straight. You pressed the cotton pad to the side of his face before he pulled away.

“Ow!!” He practically roared.

“Would you let me clean it?” You snapped.

“It hurts!”

“It’s only gonna hurt more if you keep moving!”

“This wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t storm out.”

“And this wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t scare me out!” You almost yelled. He seemed taken aback by this, not knowing that you were more scared than angry. He still didn’t say anything and let you cleaned his cuts, his jaw clenching at the pain that lasted for 15 seconds.

After you cleaned it you went to put a tape over the cut so it didn’t get any bacteria into it but Ethan pulled his head away, indicating he didn’t want. You shook your head disagreeing with his choice but at this point you didn’t care.

You went to put the first aid kit under the cabinet and turned back around to see Ethan gone.

Whatever. Closing the library door, you walked out of the library and school before getting in your car.

Your phone buzzed as you were getting ready to go to sleep. You looked down to see your friend calling you.

“How was it?”she asked as you answered the phone.

Your head went back against the cushion as you shut your eyes.

“You don’t wanna know.”

You agreed to tutor Ethan again today. You had a feeling that you would be able to actually help him. And maybe you were crazy, but you had a feeling he would change his demeanor. It would just take time.

Today he wasn’t that late, and he didn’t sit that far away from you. Granted it wasn’t ideal to help him, but it was better than the last time.

You didn’t waste any time and opened up right to the same page you were on the previous day, page 14. You began to read it when Ethan cleared his throat.

“I uh- I just don’t get what this is saying.”

You looked up and saw his face, his eyes not dark and empty as they were before, but rather confused. Maybe that’s why he hated English, because he just didn’t get it. You slowly and hesitantly got up, waiting for him to protest you moving closer. But he didn’t, so you sat next to him.

“Here, let me show you the way I look at it.” You said, and started explaining what you grasped from it as simply as you could to Ethan. You tried to stay on topic about explaining the first part of the book to Ethan, but you couldn’t help yourself. You began to go off about the different love books and romance you read, connecting each one to this. You started talking about they way these love books affected the way you look at love and life in your eyes. You just went on and on, but you weren’t stopped once. Ethan listened to you intently and actually held on to every work you said.

“Oh my God I just spent 10 minutes rambling, I’m sorry.” You said, a slight blush starting to form on your cheeks as you looked down at the book.

Ethan shook his head, indicating he didn’t mine. “It’s fine. You actually helped me understand the book a little better.”

“Really?” You asked, a little too excited.

“Yeah.” You smiled, proud of yourself and started to read the book again as half a smile crept onto Ethan’s face.

To say the truth, Ethan was still completely lost. He understood what you said, but the book was still so confusing to him. How could these people do all this for some love? It sounded pathetic to him.

But you got so happy when he said you understood it, and the way you got shy when you went on a ramble made Ethan so intrigued. He didn’t have the heart to tell you he was still confused. He mentally cursed himself for lying to you, because as you read on he couldn’t tell you what was happening. But mostly because he was starting to change for you. He felt himself get butterflies in his stomach and wanted to punch them out of him, but he knew he couldn’t help it as much as he wanted to. So he looked at you, and then looked back at the reading. But his mind wasn’t focused on the reading, it was thinking about a million other things.

You were tutoring Ethan again today. The whole day you kept thinking about it, and you weren’t sure why.

Sure you weren’t.

Ethan opened the library doors and slid into the seat next to you.

“Hey.” He said, making you jump out of your seat. You had no idea he was there, because as per usual your head was buried into a book. He laughed as you rested your hand on your heart.

“Holy crap you scared me.”

“Holy crap?” he asked. “Have you ever said a curse word in your life?”

“I mean yeah I say them. But not a lot. Or ever for that matter. Only when I’m really mad.” He laughed again.

“You’ve been hanging out with old ladies too much.” You rolled your eyes and stuck your tongue out at him.

“First of all, I have other friends. And secondly, old people can be very cool. Mrs. Mulligan is my bro.”

He shook his head and put his head in his hands. “Oh my God don’t ever say that again.” You laughed as he joined you.

“Ok come on, we have to start reading,” You encouraged. He groaned but still opened the book to page 45. Making great progress here.

You started reading and thought everything was going fine until Ethan abruptly stopped you.

“Ok I’m sorry but I’m really lost.”

“Don’t be sorry. Just tell me where I lost you.”

But he didn’t give you a specific answer. He looked down before looking at you again.

“I never got this. I just said I did because I didn’t think you’d be able to understand.” He fiddled with his fingers and you looked intently at him. You felt bad. Clearly he wanted to understand this, he just wasn’t getting it for whatever reason. You wanted to help him.

“Talk to me Ethan. You know what?” You asked, sliding the books to the edge of the table before it crashed on the floor.

“What-” he started to ask before you cut him off.

“Who cares about this project right now. Ethan this could be the key to me helping you. Please, just, talk to me.” You practically begged. He looked down and sighed before looking back up.

“I never felt loved before. I never felt like I was wanted or needed. Even in my family. My parents could give two shits about me. They care more for my brother and sister than me. I mean they’ve always considered me to be so independent and everything but maybe I don’t want that all the time. I guess I don’t understand these books in English because they’re all love books and I never felt like I’ve really been loved in a while.”

He finished his speech by looking at you. You looked up and searched in his eyes. You searched for that cold expression you’ve seen many times.

But you didn’t see that. You saw a gentle, truthful brightness that came from his eyes.

“So you understand the books that have to do with drama more than love?” You asked.

“Yeah. But when have we done that? Never. So annoying he chooses these stupid romance books so he thinks he has a chance at his relationship.” He scoffed, referring to our teacher. You frowned.

“I don’t get it. How do you understand love so well? You don’t have a boyfriend.” He asked.

“Uh how would you know that?” You asked, defensive.

“Oh right I forgot, George.” He joked, a soft smirk forming.

“Ugh. He disgusts me.” You said.

“Why is he so obsessed with you?” He asked. You shook your head not knowing the answer to his question.

“I couldn’t answer that because I have no clue. I mean there’s nothing in me that he couldn’t get from any other girl in this school.” Ethan opened his mouth to say something but decided against it.

“He hasn’t bothered me since that day you chased him away.” You said. “Which reminds me, I never got to thank you. For you know, making him leave me alone.” You said.

He simply shook his head, as if it was no big deal.

“I never got to apologize. I’m sorry for scaring you out that day and throwing your book. I never meant to make you scared. I’m just so used to people running away from me instead of trying to help.” He said, looking down. He almost seemed embarrassed.

You went to put your hands over his, but you stopped. Instead you took one hand and grabbed one of his. He looked up and you saw his eyes move down to the lower part of your face before looking back into your eyes.

“You know I’m always here to help you, right? Let’s start from the beginning,” you guided him and went to the other end of the table to pick up the book that had fallen off the table.

That had started the almost daily occurrence of the library meet up. Every day at around 2:30, the library would be empty besides you, him and Mrs. Mulligan.

It became easier for you guys to become closer. Spending almost every day with each other, you were only bound to develop feelings neither of you knew about.

You were also able to discover that part of him that he had never shown the anyone. The loving, caring and soft part of him. He hated to show that side to anyone, but around you it was so easy. He didn’t want to scare you away because he wouldn’t know what to do with himself.

Now it’s Friday, and you’re both sitting there finishing up the last chapter of the book.

“Thank god this is the last chapter,” Ethan spoke suddenly, interrupting your inner voice reading the words on the page.

“Why? Sick of this love book?” You teased. He looked at you and frowned, disagreeing with your statement.

“Not quite. I’m just sick of Mr. Alceri trying to relate it back to his pathetic love life,” he remarked. You couldn’t help but to let out a soft scoff, slightly laughing.

He was actually sad this book was ending because he didn’t know what it meant for you both. Although it was the end of the book, he was praying for a beginning of something great.

At the last tutor session for the book, you put some classical music on your phone.

Ethan looked at you like you were crazy. “What? It helps me relax!” You exclaimed. He laughed and shook his head.

You got up from your chair and he looked at you again.

“This makes me want to dance.” You said, extending your hand out for him to grab.

“I don’t dance.” He said, rather sternly.

“Come on, everyone dances!” You exclaimed, grabbing his hand and attempting to pull him out of his chair. He stayed put for a while as you struggled to make him stand. You finally stopped and stared at him, silently pleading. He saw those big, bright puppy eyes and he knew he couldn’t say no. He reluctantly got up slowly out of his chair and you nearly squealed in excitement. He chuckled a little, amused at how excited you got.

You waited a moment to hear the music and the beat it was on. Finally you were able to grab his hands to start to dance to the music.

He stared at you before going along with your movements. He was so gentle. You were so small compared to him he was afraid he’d break you. His hand covered a majority of your back as he softly placed his hand there, and the other in your hand as you both held it out.

You danced to the slow beat peacefully, as if there was no rush and you had nowhere to be. As if time stopped for the both of you to have this moment. You were quite impressed with his dancing. It seemed to come to easily for him. He could say the same for you.

“I learned to dance when I was 8. My father taught me so I wouldn’t be embarrassed at the Father-Daughter Dance.” You said. He laughed before starting his story.

“I never really learned,” he began. “I remember just always wanting to dance. Just comes naturally I guess.”

You could definitely agree with that. He seemed to do it to effortlessly you were swept off your feet, both figuratively and literally.

A slight giggle escaped your lips as he spun you around, his arm tight around your waist while your legs dangled in the air, hair whipping around your face due to the fast twirl.

He watched your face. Studied your face. He always waited to see that radiant smile you gave. He watched the ways your eyes would change, the way they almost grew and got brighter as you would both read the same love story you’ve been reading for the past month. He watched that love story turn into real life. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he knew.

He knew the day you didn’t show up to the tutoring at the library. You never got sick. Maybe once every two years. But you somehow ended up being so sick you couldn’t get out of bed to go to school.

Your head was killing you, you had the heat chills you didn’t eat for 2 days, you threw up God knows how many times. Your dad was debating on bringing you to the hospital.

The funny part was you had never missed a day of school before, but you were so sick you couldn’t formulate a thought in your head to let Ethan or Mrs. Mulligan know ahead of time.

Ethan remembers walking into the library, expecting to see you sitting there, already taking a sneak peek at the chapter you were supposed to read together. But the table was empty.

Maybe she’s running late, he thought. But you got out earlier than him, that’s why you were always waiting for him.

“She’s not here. Her dad emailed all her teachers. She’s quite sick .” Mrs. Mulligan was shocked herself and a bit worried, but the email from your dad calmed her down. However Ethan, not so much.

His face showed expressions of being worried and sad. He didn’t realize the effect of seeing her every day. She became the one thing he looked forward to seeing. He could feel himself smiling and his heartbeat getting fast every time he thought of her.

He wanted nothing more than to go see you and make sure you were ok. To drive you your house and stay there and see your face and just be there for you. But reality kicked in, and he realized that was so unrealistic.

“You care for the girl, don’t you?” Mrs.Mulligan asked.

“More than anything.” He replied quickly. He didn’t have to think about it. He loved you. And everyone could see it. Mrs.Mulligan nudged him a bit and he looked down to look at her.

“What are you waiting for? You don’t get any younger boy.”

He dropped you out of the air so your feet were on the ground again, his hands still securely on your waist. Your hands were resting on his bulging biceps, much bigger and muscular than you would’ve thought.

“I love you.” His eyes scanned yours back and forth as he breathing almost stopped.

You were fearless. You weren’t afraid to say what you’ve been wanting to say for the past few weeks. You looked deep into his eyes, those bright eyes that attracted you since the first time you really looked at him.

Your heart was beating fast but you didn’t waste any time.

“I love you too.” You could’ve sworn he released a breath he was holding.

“I’ve waited my whole life to hear that.”

And that was all you needed before you kissed. You felt the same gentleness, caring, and loving that was there even when this all started.

Because one day, you’ll change. Some change for the better, others for the worse. But you’ll meet the thing or person that changes you forever. Ethan met his change in his life, and no one has ever seen him quite like this.

He went from this dark, mysterious creature to one of the most loved people in a heartbeat. And all it took was a time.

A tale as old as time.

Song as old as rhyme.

Beauty and the beast.

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