#he turned into a paladin actually

[chaosmayhemgem]

im happy for cecil turning into a cooler knight and wtv but like. can he not be useless

[kismetconstellations]

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart) x.

[anakinh]

my personal lovm review so far is that I don't mind most of the changes they're doing and I even like a few BUT that they have (so far) done my girl Raishan so dirty. I wanted to see her fight Thordak, goddamn it!

(also Vex was the one who came up with the idea to use Yenk for a vestige and they should've kept her doing that! establish her as a leader! smart! strategic! why is grog doing the planning asjfjsd I made a joke about how it's Travis Willingham breaking through Grog during a typical analysis paralysis section but man I wanted Vex doing it)

[yeah-thats-probably-it]

making a warlock dnd character who’s basically bertie wooster whose patron is a genie who’s basically jeeves

[hobgobbin]

its incredible how things lined up where I played MH stories and I started a campaign with a DM and other players I didn't know and I thought was gonna fizzle out after a month and on a whim was like haha what if I made a dragonborn thats just a versa pietru :) and now hes my specialest guy in the world and has 6 years of lore and is also Bahamut's special babygirl

[githvyrik]

you ever get to a point of the dnd campaign where it’s completely unreasonable for your character to be anything but horrifically depressed

[im-smart-i-swear]

Lance and Kuron for that Blorbo bleebus ask meme if it's ok!!

no problem dude!! i wanted to do kuron anyway so here ya go(sorry for the dogshit quality lol.....)

this chart is SPECIFICALLY about canon kuron, tho i havent watched the show in a hot minute so....... i miiight be misremembering/making shit up here

charts like this always take me a long time to do bc i start overthinking every little detail

(lance is my blorbo-in-law and my opinion on him is just really a bunch of other ppl's interpretations of him all rolled up toghether lol, i like him a lot tho!! but i dont feel confident enough w/ interpretation of this guy to do a chart thats this complex sorry)

[iamtheshriekingguineapig]

Credo, my idiot beloved.

I always wondered why Credo made Kyrie drag Red Queen over all by herself when it was too heavy for her…

he tried.jpg

[andisupreme]

I think one of my favorite DnD Things is when random rolls become retroactive Lore/Quirks for the character. Not even as a DM ruling, I mean something the whole table adopts organically, whether seriously or as a running joke.

A paladin I DMd for failing every single perception roll turned into him canonically needing glasses and not realizing it.

A combination of failed perception checks and concentration saves becoming a character having ADHD and that getting worked into the acting.

My gnome barbarian with low intimidation rolls despite doing/saying some actually terrifying things suddenly having a voice that cracks like the "WHEN WILL YOU LEARN?! WHEN WILL YOU LEARN?! THAT YOUR ACTIONS!! HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!" kid when he shouts.

Or my favorite, my tabaxi artificer, Gus, comedically failing every religion check when it comes to praying so now it's a whole plot point that gods literally do not perceive him.

(Yes this is an invitation to reply or tell me in the tags if you've had any canon-altering rolls like this I love PC stories)

[thebiggerbear]

where is she?

Summary: Soldier Boy only has one thought in mind when Homelander wakes him up: you.

Pairing: Soldier Boy x Female!Reader

A/N: Wrote this on July 29th. This was meant to be a drabble and I was going to experiment with a different format at the time but after taking another look at it close to a month later, I decided against it. I haven't seen Season 4 of The Boys yet but I did see a gif on here of something from the finale in regards to SB. This idea popped into my head that day and I wrote it out. Starts from the Tower scene in 3x08, an AU. Unbeta'd. Full dialogue in text is from 3x08.

Warnings: drug use; violence; violence against a woman; choking (not Butcher/Boys friendly)

Word Count: 1019

Taglist: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187; @rieleatiel

SB Taglist: @birdiellie; @heartlessdelusions; @brightlilith; @muhahaha303; @just-levyy

@solacedthistest; @deansimpala; @foxyjwls007; @onlyangel-444; @faephoria

@believeinthefireflies95; @globetrotter28

Jensen Taglist: @samanddeaninatrenchcoat; @deansbbyx; @lyarr24; @rebel-paladin; @deans-spinster-witch

@bts24; @roseblue373; @nancymcl; @c1gs-coffee; @peachhiz

@kickingitwithkirk; @fanfic-n-tabulous; @illicithallways; @mentallyillandgae

You can also read on AO3

You burst into the room from the stairwell, finding Ben trying to fight three of your new supposed teammates off, his eyes full of fury and a slight tinge of fear immediately finding you as they slipped a mask over his face. “I’m not…going back…in that fucking box!”

“Get off of him! Now!” You angrily yelled, energy pulsing from your hands as you tried to rush them when Butcher caught you off guard and knocked you into a wall on his way to get to Ryan. 

“Sorry, luv.” His expression was full of trace amounts of remorse as he turned from you but you didn’t care. Your attention was on Ben alone.

When Ben saw you slam into the wall, even more fury seemed to emanate from him and he was finally able to push everyone off. His chest was a bright pulsing red that continued to get brighter and brighter; he was charged up and he was about to blow.

“You’ll kill everyone!” Starlight implored.

Ben’s expression didn’t change and you knew you had to get to him before he went off. You didn’t care about any of them, especially now, and you didn’t care for yourself. But Ben you cared about and you wouldn’t let him do this — not again. 

“Ben!” You called. 

Within the seconds it took for you to get to your feet, Maeve was already launching herself at him and they crashed through the window of the high rise, plummeting stories below. “No!” You rushed to the edge, watching their freefall in horror. “BEN!” You screamed before the impact of the explosion sent you careening backwards.   

When Soldier Boy was woken for the second time, uncaring who was there to greet him, he only had one question. “Where is she?”

America’s Asshole of a Son, now suited up, stared out at the city from Homelander’s newly renovated suite. His own son watched him, keeping his hands clasped behind his back.

“It could all be ours, you know.”

“Don’t care,” Soldier Boy growled out. “Where’s Butcher?”

Homelander sighed in disappointment and approached. He didn’t know much about the man whose blood he shared but one thing was for certain: Soldier Boy was laser focused when it came to revenge. He just happened to be focused on the wrong thing.

When he reached the older man, he studied him for a moment before nearly rolling his eyes. “You actually loved her.”

He shouldn’t have been surprised when Soldier Boy turned a lethal glare onto him, his pupils dilated from the drugs coursing through his system that he’d just snorted, but it still caught him a little off guard. Homelander didn’t feel shame or remorse; those were human feelings and he was a god. But right then, he felt like a small child scolded by that dark gaze and his shoulders subconsciously lowered an inch.

“Find me Butcher or I will find him on my own,” the Supe threatened before walking away. Homelander watched him go, angry that even while dead you somehow still managed to fuck with his plans.

Right before Soldier Boy was about to strike a killing blow to Butcher, Hughie yelled, “She’s alive!” The Supe froze and turned a scowl onto Butcher’s dickrest. 

“I promise,” the bitch insisted. “I can tell you where she is! Just don’t kill him. Please.”

Soldier Boy’s glare dropped to the man swaying in his hold, his face bloodied, bruised, and swollen. The supe's jaw tensed and he dropped the man to the ground, making him a silent promise that he would still pay for his betrayal, before his eyes landed on Hughie. “Take me to her. And you better be telling me the fucking truth or you’re never going to get to feel the warmth of this fucker’s mouth again.”

Hughie’s eyes widened but he gave a nod. A hint of a smirk teased the corner of Soldier Boy’s lips for a moment and then disappeared completely. Before following the bitch out the door, he gave Butcher one last kick for good measure.

Soldier Boy tightened his grip on Grace Mallory’s throat and lifted her body higher up the wall. He ignored Hughie’s whiny pleas of not hurting the old bitch. “Open it,” he ordered. “Now.”

Hughie did just that. The supe could hear a whirring sound behind him and he intensified his glare at the woman he was currently choking out before turning to look over his shoulder. Out of a drawer, a cryotube emerged, looking quite different from the one he had been in when his pussy of a son had found him. His breath caught in his chest when he saw you inside, slumbering peacefully, tubes wrapped around your barely dressed body. Rage began to flow through his veins when he realized that you had been stocked away inside a fucking sock drawer like a second thought — like you had never mattered. You were the only thing that mattered.

He turned back to Mallory, gritting his teeth, and his body shaking with fury. He saw the lack of fear in her eyes and in a split second, his decision had been made. He flung her across the room, not caring about the sickening cracks he heard when she made impact. For good measure, when Hughie tried to run to her aid, he brutally knocked the kid aside and made his way towards you. Within seconds, he had the cryotube open and he ripped the wires from your body. He curled his arm around your shoulders and carefully hoisted you up into his lap.

A few heartbeats later, your eyes slowly began to open, your lashes fluttering repeatedly as you returned to consciousness. Your gaze struggled for a minute to focus on the image in front of you but when it did, you rasped out in disbelief, “Ben?”

A soft smile played upon his lips as he ferried your hand to his bearded cheek. “Yeah, doll. It’s me.” 

When you attempted to return his smile, he leaned down to whisper, “I found you,” before he gently pressed his mouth to yours.

dividers by @firefly-graphics

[ramshacklefey]

It's amazing to me just how good the Mormon church has been at hiding just how bad they really are from public view. Even the shit that gets spread around is the relatively harmless bullshit. They had a crazy prophet with magic glasses. They believe in god-mandated polygyny. They think everyone who is good enough will get their very own planet after the world ends. They wear magic underpants. Mormon men are all paladins.

Here's one of the ones you hear less often:

See, like many other Christian sects, the Mormons really do believe that the existence of Christ obviates the existence of Judaism. Judaism was just a placeholder until the "real" church could be established by Jesus.

And the Mormons in particular believe, dead ass, that the entire inheritance of Israel has been given to them, because the Jews failed to recognize the Messiah when he was on Earth. They really do. They have this whole system where people are given a "divine revelation" about which of the Tribes of Israel they're a member of (don't worry, they decided that most people belong to the two tribes that are willing to "adopt" people. Only the most specialest boys and girls are members of the original ten).

Let's sum up so far. The Mormons believe that they are the people of Israel, chosen and protected by God. If Jews want to get back in on that party, they can always repent and convert to Mormonism, the one true church to which God gave all the rights and blessings that were originally bestowed on Abraham's house.

But it doesn't stop there!

The Mormons also believe, in all seriousness, that all Indigenous peoples of the Americas are descended from a small group of Jewish people who left just before the fall of Jerusalem (~600 bc iirc). Their entire weird-ass extra bible is a chronicle of those people's history in [unspecific part of America]. At the very beginning of the book, two brothers in the original family turn away from god, so they and all their descendants are cursed with dark skin, so that the good Nephites (who remain "white and delightsome") will always be able to tell themselves apart from the wicked Lamanites.

So, you've got supposedly Jewish people running around the Americas. And the "good" ones are white, and the "bad" ones are brown. Then, ofc, Jesus comes to visit them (I guess supposedly that's part of what he was doing during his dirt nap? Or possibly after he left again, it's not clear), and they all convert to Christianity, which they think is clearly the natural evolution of Judaism. Well, at the end of the book, all of them become wicked, in a kind of weird pseudo-apocalyptic series of events. They are all cursed with dark skin, until such time as they repent for their ancestors sins and return to the gospel.

But of course, Mormons being the good and kind people they are, they want everyone to receive the blessings of God and be brought into the houses of Israel etc etc. And it isn't the fault of those poor little Indigenous children that their distant ancestors turned away from God and became wicked.

So what's the natural answer? Well, Mormons are real big on missionary work, as we all know. But apparently that wasn't enough in this case.

Because the Mormon church has been one of the big players in abducting as many Indigenous children as possible, in order to indoctrinate them into being good Mormons, so that they can turn white again and be blessed. My mother remembers hearing talks about this in the 70s and 80s. The church literally had a "Lamanite Adoption Program," where families in the church were encouraged to get as many Indigenous children as possible away from their families and not let them be reunited until they were fully assimilated and ready to go back and proselytize about how wonderful the church is.

The church leadership literally talked about how wonderful it was to see these children becoming whiter. Actually whiter. Like, saying that when they finally saw them with their families again, it was beautiful how much paler they were.

I'm pretty sure this program has been officially ended, but it doesn't take a genius to speculate about who might be behind the curtains on the movement in the western US to gut the ICWA....

So yeah. Next time someone tries to tell you that the Mormons are just harmless weirdos, please remember that they're an antisemitic cult that advocates for the forced assimilation of Indigenous children to help them escape the cursed brown skin of their ancestors.

[probablybadrpgideas]

Rarer D&D alignments

Bastard Good: You make the world better for people but in a really obnoxious way so everyone low-key hates you for it

Chaotic Dead: You set yourself on fire at the start of each session

Informed Evil: you're wearing a red cape and cackling so we kind of assume you've probably done some bad things off screen, right?

Lawful Pointless: You follow the rules of chess in every situation you find yourself in.

False Neutral: HAHA FOOLS! I WAS NO DRUID! I WAS A PALADIN ALL ALONG!

Lawful Anxious: You follow very strict laws but you don't know what those laws are or if you're breaking them.

Personal Evil: rather then making things worse for sapient life, you work to make things worse for Steve specifically. Everyone else is fine.

Centrist Neutral: "I don't support The Chained God Tharizdun breaking free and unmaking all reality but if we stop him through force we're just as bad as he is. Did you know there's actually zero difference between good and bad things?"

Sponsored Good: You provide justice, compassion and the great taste of subways sandwiches! Put in the code SMITETHESINNERS when ordering online for 20% off!

Sexy Lawful: You follow very strict rules but in such a way we kind of suspect you're getting off on it.

Chaotic Incidental: You act completely randomly but by sheer chance your actions turn out identical to if you followed very strict rules.

Theoretical Good: You want to do good things to help the world and once you stop binging Netflix you're absolutely going to.

Ugly Neutral: None of the other alignments want to hang out with you so you're neutral by default

Chaotic Meta: You pointedly refuse to follow the rules of the game you're playing.

Thirsty Evil: Look, orcs are hot, ok?

[rellsingsovern]

you’ve been teaching a tiefling girl alongside a half orc boy for three years. he comes in on the first day singing under his breath and afraid to rage. she comes in on the second day with a bass guitar and a spitfire attitude.

she doesn’t trust you. you’re fond of her immediately.

you go through that year and the next in the same kind of pattern. she continues to talk about her rage and her yearning for justice and her ‘german shepard mode’ she assumes for her friends. she hires her detective friend to follow you around, says you’re suspicious and weird, but she still doesn’t go to her actual class.

he stays quiet and unassuming but he’s got enough natural talent that it only irks you a little that he doesn’t use his rage like you know he could. then he comes back junior year and asks to multiclass into artificer.

you refuse. he takes the classes anyway, and his grade drops to a C.

you would care more if the tiefling girl didn’t come to you asking about becoming a paladin of the war god’s wife, the war god who your family has pulled power from for generations, the war god who would soon be no more. it’s too easy to steer her away from doubt and into fire.

you wouldn’t need the weak frost genasi girl who refused the call. you wouldn’t need the soft highcourt boy who followed you like a sheep. here was one who understood how to use rage in all the ways the half orc never was able to.

you teach her to smite. she writes your name on the ritual scroll alongside the warlock teacher’s. you’re only a little pissed about it. you have everything you need.

you’re standing over her, a giant over an ant, the fire of your domain all around. the half orc grabs you by the neck and forces you away, screaming that you’re a horrible teacher. you have only the slightest second to bask in the satisfaction of crushing him in your hands when the spitfire tiefling gets up and dashes away on her skateboard.

you strike her so hard her back explodes with red diamonds. she turns to look at you, and blinding daylight bursts out of her mouth when she says,

you don’t know her like I do

then she dives into the lava under the floorboards and lights two of your boyfriend’s clones on fire.

[chrysoula]

I have realized my gush was long, rambly and inadequate, so I'm fixing that:

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH Aventurine is being heavily set up to be such a surprise badass in his own particular way, and I am HERE for it. Handpicked by an Emanator! Sent into a shark tank! Rejected and insulted and he JUST KEEPS SMILING. There's some depths we have yet to see, oh yeah.

I'm writing a little something about HSR's Aventurine and I wanna gush a tiny bit about how cool he is.

First of all: as a direct report to Diamond of the IPC, he has a Cornerstone. The significance of the Cornerstones hasn't been released yet, but we do know that while Topaz has the Cornerstone of Debt Retrieval, Aventurine's is the Cornerstone of Strategems.

Ok, so let's consider the situation he's in. As presented, he's basically working alone. He's a gambler down on his luck, playing with an empty hand, rejected and insulted left and right, in clear and present danger (according to Doctor Ratio) while he just keeps smiling. There's something brittle in there, oh yes, but that's not what this post is about. Rumor has it Diamond of the IPC is an Emanator of the Preservation. I have no idea if that's true; the word Emanator gets tossed around a lot these days. But let's take it as given that Diamond is pretty powerful, probably in more ways than one. Diamond sent Aventurine to Penacony. Now, Topaz has a starship zoo and an army. She may have taken a paycut for helping out Jarilo-VI, but that's just going to force her to switch from luxury food to premium food for her zoo, if even that. Aventurine no doubt also has access to an army of his own, but we don't really see it at Penacony. I imagine that's because armies were not on the invitation for a Festival. Fair enough. Diamond must have known that from the start, as well as the fact that Penacony would be a shark tank for an IPC representative.

And Diamond picked Aventurine to send in. That means Diamond thought Aventurine could walk into a lion's den alone, and come out again with the goods. I personally believe this means he's done it before. And this is what I wanted to gush about. I just love a guy who can walk unarmed into a gunfight and win.

Although I'm not sure if 'unarmed' is the right word here. There's certainly something going with him in the White Night trailer, but besides that, I imagine he has some skill at seeing through the lies of others, and maybe even in manipulating emotions (without Clockwork!) which could be awfully handy in Penacony. I am so excited to find out what he does in the next chapter. And meanwhile... I'm gonna write this fic about an imaginary scene between him and Stelle.

[biscuitdragonwithastick]

CW: Drider Sex, Implied Somno, Implied noncon/rape, Forced Eggpreg, Unsuspecting, Aphrodisiacs, Breeding kink, Incubator Kink, Lactation

You thought you had scored big when you got to lay with a female drider. Their large breasts and dexterous bodies made for scandalous nights the stuff of legends. A check off the list for any adventurer looking to call themselves well versed in their sexual exploits.

You had smiled as the drider enraptured her body with yours, cock sure that you’d have much to brag about with your companions in the morning. That was until a sharp pain at your neck and darkness.

When you awoke, you found your belongings looted and a raging headache. The humiliation of have to trudge, naked, back to your adventuring party was more than enough to keep you quiet of what had actually happened. Their laughter and your embarrassment was what kept you distracted from the additional bloat to your middle. It was such a minute thing compared to everything else that had occurred.

It was only when you felt an ache within you that things took a turn. Your body began to feel hot. A growing need eclipsing all thought and your hole pulsing with arousal. You needed…something. It didn’t take long for you to strip for the nearest stranger you could find.

But that need didn’t go away. And neither did that weight in your middle.

You found yourself laying with your companions, becoming the whore of the party to be toyed with and used as they wished. You’d even rather be plugged with wooden recreations of the real thing than be left empty and dripping of the cum your body endlessly desired.

At last, on one fateful stop in a town, you find another drider. Male this time. The lust you’ve felt for months now clouds over your mind fully as you embrace the drider to fill you too. You hump and grind onto him as he hisses into your neck, but he doesn’t push you away.

Instead, claws dig into your shoulders as he whisks you away to the nearest bedroom. His body is as hot yours, almost like you’d melt into each other if you don’t fuck right now.

The sudden feeling of sheets against your body and the bottom half of a drider standing above you stalls you heat for just a moment. It’s then that you see the slimy cock extending beneath his spinnerets. You close your eyes and spread your legs furthest that you can. Your body needs no preparation for his inhuman cock to spear inside.

In one fluid motion, he thrusts inside like an animal. You barely register the growls he makes while the bedframe rattles against the walls. But you body is keening in response, something inside you is finally being fulfilled like nothing before.

He speaks to you, though you can barely understand a word. Something about how good of an incubator you’ve been, that it must’ve been so hard carrying “these” eggs with no one to fertilize them. You don’t understand. But it doesn’t matter. He thrusts once more inside and cums, filling you with enough cum to slosh as he grinds against you.

He pulls out then. You blush as he pushes your plug back inside to keep the cum from dribbling out. He gives you a kiss on the cheek and thanks you for being an excellent breeder before leaving.

You can’t make sense of it, but that ache is gone. Your normal again. Or so you think.

You return on you adventures, only to find with each passing week your middle grows. You try to excuse it away as weight gain – you had grown a newfound hunger since that drider – but it was harder to excuse the chest growth and sudden aching within.

Your party’s paladin was the one that gave you the news, but you still refused to believe it. It was you companions decision to stop and wait this out when it became clear you weren’t going to relax yourself.

You all rested at a remote inn, you pregnant belly large enough to prevent you from scootching your chair all the way in. You couldn’t wear your armor anymore. Now stuck wearing a borrowed shirt from barbarian orc and even the shirt was struggling contain your width.

When you all settled in for the night, the paladin offered some ointment for your breasts. He knew you were aching. Though tried to deny it, you didn’t stop him when he settled a hand under your shirt and began to rub. Your stubbornness had always made you refuse help. You couldn’t stop the groan of gratitude when ache turned dull, then gasped.

The dullness turned pleasurable. Looking down, you saw wet spots had formed were your nipples had been.

“Milk”, the paladin explains.

You don’t say a word as he lifts up your shirt and covers your breast with his mouth. The suction causes you to gasp and grab and his hair, unsure whether to pull him closer and push away.

The orc laughs at the sight, walking over with a leather canteen. He tugs on your other breast, filling the bottle while the paladin continues to suck.

“Might as well make use of your udders while we can.”

You blush and open your mouth to argue, but a fat palm grinds over your crotch and more milk spurts from your cumbersome breasts. “Breeder” is what the drider had called. You want to disagree with the word, but as your companions take turns fucking you, trading mouths over your sloshing breasts, all while your egg stuff belly jiggles and grows with each passing day, you find it hard to disagree.

[weatheredlaw]

Baldur’s gate 3 is so funny. If anyone came to play dnd at my table and they were like “this is my wizard, gale. He’s extra good at magic, his ex is a goddess and he eats magic items to survive” I would have been like you can’t do that actually.

But then another player would be like wait hold on this is my paladin-coded warlock, Wyll with a “y”. He made a deal with a devil and I want him to transform into a tiefling and I would have blinked and turned to whoever was playing the rogue and said “what’s your deal”

“I’m a slutty vampire spawn” they say and then we just play dnd because why the fuck not. Like now I actually really want my next campaign to have some of these sort of WILD character designs like. Ostensibly Tav/Player character is Just Some Adventurer. Your life was pretty standard dnd before the tadpole and now you’re surrounded by Main Characters and they all want to fuck you. One of them wants to do it as a bear.