#he said he has one more deal to handle. am i gonna find that out at the end of this quest or did i mess up? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tojisbbygworl · 1 year ago

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Before I Let Go - Yandere!Miguel O’Hara x Reader

Summary: A grieving woman comes face to face with her thought to be deceased husband and can't find it in her to care about how wrong this was. She missed him. So much.

WARNINGS: Thoughts of Suicide, Suicide Attempt

Words: 4,994

Tags: 18+, 3rd person, Angst, Emotional Smut, Desperation, Grief/Mourning, Yandere, Spying, Kidnapping, Minimal Spanish terms of endearment

author's note: hey y'all. I have another fic for you. I am so glad I finished it it's been sitting in my drafts for a minute. The yandere part of this isn't violent although there is some slight physical pain put on the reader during sex. Just a mention of choking and scratching it's not bad. It's more obsession if anything. Also, I wasn't even gonna try with the Spanish girl. The most he says is carina and hermosa and I know y'all are sick of seeing that atp. I barely even tried with the British for Hobie I'm not about to embarrass myself LMAO

I hope this makes y'all sad honestly I feel like I could have made it sadder but I'm still very happy with it. Anyway, enjoy! 🩵

AO3 version

My AO3

Masterlist

The buzzing sound of a phone call is all that can be heard in the apartment. It has been a week since the funeral, and Y/N O’Hara hasn’t said a single word. She doesn't even remember what her voice sounds like.

Miguel O'Hara was everything to her. He meant the entire world. She would do anything he asked, but he never asked for much. All he wanted was her love. She was the same with him. A perfect partnership. She felt like she was on top of the universe. And then it was taken away from her. In a fucking car crash, no less.

He was the smartest person she knew. He was the head geneticist at Alchemax after all. He wasn't a stupid driver. No. It was the other driver's fault. But what could she do about it? It was just a kid. A teenager that had just gotten their license, but hadn't taken official driving lessons; no one really drilled into them the severity of texting while driving. How could she really blame them? How could she press charges? Miguel always told her that she was too forgiving. Too understanding.

He was right. But...she also couldn't help but to think it wasn't fair. That her beautiful husband had to die from their actions, and all they had to deal with was an insane insurance increase and a fucked up car that their parents were bound to replace. She would give anything to trade consequences. Anything.

Almost two months since his death, she's been wandering around her apartment frequenting the most common places she and Miguel would cuddle in. She always had a shared blanket, one of his shirts, or a pillow that had his hair on it to squeeze and cry into. If she sprayed it with his cologne and shut her eyes really tight, she could almost imagine he really was there. Almost.

These objects could never replace him. She missed his warmth. She missed his chest pushing her head up and down from his breathing. It would rumble when he chuckled. His hands were so large that her entire back would heat up when he held her gently. He was so tall, 6'6 to be exact, he would completely engulf her whenever they embraced. She felt so safe in his arms. She doesn't feel safe anymore.

Nearly two months of hunching over on the floor of her apartment in pain. She wailed into the ground. Coughing and scratching whatever she could hold onto, because the pain was too much to bare. Oh, the pain. She wouldn't wish this kind of heartbreak on anyone or anything.

The apartment was large, courtesy of his checks. He could already afford it on his own, then, the both of them married just a few years ago and he didn't expect her to pay a dime, despite how much she insisted. Instead, she bought food and handled upkeep. If it got too expensive, then he would chip in. She would have to move out eventually, his remaining income and life insurance the only thing keeping her afloat. Just another thing that she can’t fathom.

It was 3 bed, 2 bath. One was their bedroom, the other was his office, she's been going in there a lot as well, and they always wondered what they would do with the last room. For so long, it was empty even before she moved in with him. He never knew what he could use it for. He had hoped that she would turn it into a hobby room, she loved to paint and she played the violin a little, but there was a beautiful terrace attached to the apartment that she opted for instead and she insisted the living room had the best acoustics so the room remained a mystery. Until last year, when he dropped a bomb on her.

It was an extremely average day for the both of them. They were both home from work, nothing interesting to report, and were deciding what to eat for dinner. She suggests something they could cook, and he agrees. As the night goes on, something seems off about Miguel. He's quiet and zoning out a lot. Something has to be on his mind, right?

"Babe," she calls for him snapping him out of his trance.

"Hm?"

"Everything alright?" She puts her hand on his shoulders and gives him a worried look. Miguel swallows his spit then turns towards her grabbing her hand and placing his on her waist.

"I've been thinking..." His voice is small. She starts to grow anxious as she had never seen him look so timid. He was more nervous than when he asked her to marry him.

"W-What is it?" She stutters. He kisses her knuckles.

"It's just something that I've been wanting for a while now. And if you don't, then It's completely fine. I care about your happiness above everything."

"Miguel, stop being so cryptic and tell me what's up," She half jokes.

He nervously bites his lips and looks away. Then, taking a deep breath, he looks into her eyes and says, "I want to have a kid."

She felt it was best to pretend the work-in-progress nursery didn't exist. In her mind, the room is still empty. There wasn’t a crib set up. The walls weren't in the process of being painted. They didn't have arguments about what to put on it because they didn't know the gender. In fact, gender of what? They weren't planning for a baby. The third room is as empty as she is.

The both of them were foolish, deciding to get everything set up before she got pregnant instead of winging it like everyone else. She should have winged it. Then maybe she would still have a piece of him with her.

It was so fucking hard to focus on what mattered. She was hanging on a thread that thinned out every single day. Before the funeral, she wondered what would be her breaking point? The point where she finally got up and decided to keep going.

The weather was very fitting for that day. The sun was gone, and the rain came in waves. Her tears, however, never stopped. It was a stupid decision to make it open casket. She gazed upon his resting face for the first time since he died in the hospital then turned and ran to the nearest bathroom to empty her stomach. She hadn’t even gotten to say her speech; Miguel’s mother read for her instead.

Something inside her snapped. Sometimes the pain is a dull ache in her chest, and she’s numb everywhere else. Other times it’s a sharp twang that she can feel in her back. She has to lay or sit down when that happens. Sometimes it courses through her entire upper body and she can’t even move. But this…this stabbing, twisting, and searing pain that ripples through her heart and travels to the tip of her fingers and toes…she hasn’t felt this before.

This was the breaking point, but it did the opposite. She didn’t talk for the rest of the day, her and his family begging her to stay with them. She didn’t listen.

It was nights like tonight that she felt completely alone. She knew she wasn’t, if she just picked up the phone and texted someone, then maybe she would be okay. She just needed to stop looking at the ceiling, turn to her nightstand, pick up her phone, and call her mother. But it was 1 in the morning, and Miguel looked so happy in her lock screen picture…

Her and Miguel had been up here on the top of the apartment building so many times before. They liked to dance, he would watch her play or paint, they had picnics together, it was perfect when they wanted to get out of the apartment, but still have some privacy.

The view was nice. They could see across the entirety of Nueva York. Central Park in the fall was especially amazing to gaze upon. But now it fills her with grief. As she steps on top of the edge, she decides that if this couldn’t make her feel better, then nothing could.

She’s glad she’s doing this in the middle of the night, where no one could see her and call for help. She was sure that she would traumatize a couple people when morning came, a problem that she couldn’t be bothered by. She was ready to be back in his arms. So she walked off. And closed her eyes as she plummeted through the air.

She’s scared. But excited. She only has to feel excruciating pain for a second and then never again. It’s almost over.

She hits something, or more so, something hits her. She’s still flying through the air, but it’s different now. There’s a warm body holding onto her for dear life, and she’s soaring upwards into the night sky. Opening her eyes to gaze at her savior, she sees a masked silhouette. It-it’s Spider-Man…but he looks completely different. She can barely see him, the only source of light being the moon, but she could swear that this wasn’t his mask.

They land on the rooftop again and he puts her down. She crawls away from him, embarrassed and ashamed at what she’s done. She was still alive and now she was in more pain than ever before. Wailing on the floor, she glared up at him in vitriol.

“Why did you save me?” She yelled, her voice powerful for a woman who hadn’t been verbal for a week. Spider-Man didn’t answer. She wasn’t even sure if he was looking at her. “I didn’t want to be saved.” Still, he said nothing. So she continued to cry, and she cried harder and harder until she felt a sensation on her back.

He was trying to comfort her, but when she turned he backed off, holding his hands up instead. Her lips quivered, then she threw herself into his arms. His hold on her body was snug and comforting. Her anger for him dissipates immediately as she accepts his affection. For the first time in a while, she felt safe. She didn’t want him to let go.

And he didn’t. He stayed until she fell asleep in his arms. Then, he picked her up, gazing upon her peaceful face with the light from the inter dimensional portal, then walked into it with no intention of coming back.

This wasn’t her room.

She sat up in the bed and took in her surroundings. These weren’t her sheets, that wasn’t her wallpaper, the blinds were different, the floor wasn’t carpeted, everything even the floor plan of the room was different. This isn’t her home.

Her heart begins to pound. Where was she? She was still in her clothes, but that’s the only comfort that she had. Immediately, she shoots out of the bed, the comforter tangling in her feet making her fall onto the floor. The large thump that her fall makes scares her. She stays on the floor, still and quiet as a mouse. There's no noise for a couple seconds. Then, the sound of someone walking.

She hyperventilates, quickly removing herself from the blanket and standing up. But she realizes that she has no where to go. There's a small closet in the room, and space under the bed, but those the only hiding spaces she can think of. And the footsteps were getting closer. What can she do, she wonders as she backs into the wall.

The door swings open. And her heart stops.

Miguel stared at his wife's variant in concern and turns on the light. The woman blinks and shields her eyes, but the bewildered look that she sported quickly comes back. "What happened?"

When he spoke, she gasped and took another step back. She smacked her hand over her mouth. Her eyes glistened with tears, her breath shuddered. "You're alright?" Miguel asked her again. She didn't answer.

For what felt like the longest time, they just stared at each other. He was afraid of approaching her thinking he may scare her away. She was in completely disbelief at what she was seeing. Miguel raised his hands and stayed near the door way. "Please, don't freak out," he began.

She let out a sob, tears escaping her eyes when she did. Placing her hand on her chest, she lifts herself from the wall. Miguel takes this as a sign to keep going.

"I know you must be confused. You're probably upset and angry. I understand." She took a step forward. "But if you would just left me explain..." Another step. Then another. And another. And she held her hand out in front of her. As she approached him, he realized how badly she was trembling, and it only got worse the closer she got. But still, she moved forward.

The speech Miguel had been practicing before she woke up died in his throat. He was speechless as he watched her courageously close the space between them. When she finally stood right in front of him, she hesitated. He could hear her soft gasps and cries. Then finally, she softly touched his chest. He looked down at her hand, then up at her face. Even though she was crying profusely, she looked upon him in wonder. He just wants to reach out and grab her, but he holds himself back.

She begins to rub his chest and torso, appalled by his presence. He looks back down at her hands. Then, they trail themselves up to his neck, stopping right under his chin. He lifts his head up. They both hold their breath for a second. Then, with a gasp from her, and a sigh from him, she finally touches his cheek. Miguel closes his eyes and leans into her palm. He lifts his arm up, and encases her hand in his, keeping it in place.

Her lips begin to move. With a tiny shaky breath, she whispers, "It's you."

Miguel's face is troubled. He has a small frown and his eyebrows were upturned. He twists his head in her palm to give it a small kiss.

Her eyes flicker all over his body. It is him...but he's different. He's taller now. His build is thicker and he feels tense. Miguel was a gym buff, but this man...this kind of definition is not built in the gym. His frown is deep, and so are his wrinkles. His eyes were more troubled than hers, and had the slightest hint of red. And his teeth...she could feel his sharp canines with her thumb.

"No," she realizes. "It's not you."

Miguel opens his eyes and stares at her. He can see the fear growing on her face, and he starts to panic. He moves his hand to her wrist to hold it gently. But he's prepared to squeeze it if she tries to run. "I'm not him. But-"

"But you look like him." She continues, her voice on the precipice of hysteria. "And you sound like him." She holds both of his cheeks and caresses his face with her thumbs. "And you feel like him..."

Miguel winces as he watches her cry louder and louder with every observation. "Cariña, please," He takes her hands off of his face and kisses her knuckles. She completely breaks down crying. Miguel reaches his arms out, and she throws herself into his chest, sobbing into his neck. "You don't have to cry anymore. I'm here now."

"But who are you?" Her voice muffled by his shoulder.

He gulps. "...I am Miguel, but-"

"But you're not my Miguel, are you?" She lifts her head up to stare at him. She looked anguished, her brain not being able to process what was going on. He doesn't answer. "Did you save me?" He nodded. "Why?"

"I had to, baby. I-"

"Where did you come from?" She pushes herself off of him, and Miguel can't find it in him to hold her there. He let's go of her, knowing that there is no where she can really run where he won't find her. "No, where have you been?"

He furrows his brows and tilts his head. "What?"

"Where the hell have you been?" She screams at him in unbridled rage. Her tears were never ending, and her glare was fierce. "I was in fucking agony when you died. I couldn't live with myself. I couldn't get over you. I didn't want to. I missed you so much." Her anger turned into desperation and she falls to her knees on the floor, weeping into her hands. Miguel looks on in desolation, his eyes filling with tears as well. He walks to her and leans down, trying to get her to stand. She flips her head up at him. "Who are you?"

"Please, let me explain." He sits on the floor with her, holds her face and leans into it. She doesn't pull away, instead, she kisses him first, her cries never ending. Her hands tangle themselves in his hair. Miguel wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her into him. He sits back and pulls her into his lap.

The kiss lasts until they run out of breath, then they pull away, panting in each others' faces. "I...am Miguel." He starts. "But not your Miguel. And you are not my Y/N."

She shakes her head and scrunches up her face. "Just listen." Her mouth closes again, and she relaxes preparing herself to take in every word he says...

...Miguel spent a lot of time watching her. His Y/N, across the multiverse. In each one, they are together. It's fate. And in every one...she dies. No matter what that universe's Miguel does, she dies. That must be fate, too. Then he found a universe where that didn't happen. He died instead. He took a chance, and when he replaced himself he was the happiest he had ever been. And then everything was destroyed. An entire universe...gone. He swore to never interfere with fate again. He whispered a soft 'sorry' to every Miguel he found after that.

He saw her, Y/N on Earth - 548. Happy as ever with her devilishly handsome husband. He felt for him. He had no idea the heartbreak he was about to experience. But, for the second time in his studies, he was the one who died. He cried, knowing that he could never do anything about it. When she became a shell of her former self, he focused all of his attention on her. Putting all of his work on Jess and Peter, he monitored her. He watched her cry, she spent all of her time off from work at home rolling around in her bed as if the emotional pain was so strong that it was physical as well. He watched her touch herself at night, whispering his name into the empty air, him joining her from where he was spying groaning her name as well, wishing his cum was dripping from her cunt instead of down his hand. He called for her, hoping that his prayers to keep her safe would reach who ever was listening. They didn't.

He knew that when she sat up like a ghost from her bed that fateful night, she was about to do something rash. He held his hand over his watch, ready to jump as soon as he felt he needed to. When she began to walk to the edge, he decided to not even risk it and hopped into the portal.

He didn't expect her to turn and scream at him the way she did. He hadn't heard her beautiful voice for some time, he missed it so much, and the first thing she did was yell at him. He was stunned. He couldn't believe she was right in front of him. He looked at his watch. No indication of a canon event. There was nothing. Which meant...she was never supposed to die.

He was impulsive, he knows that. But, it worked out in his favor. She was supposed to be alive. He had done right. And now he had a decision to make. Does he leave her here to figure everything out on her own, or does he take her with him...and let her family think she's dead…

“You were watching me?”

Miguel refuses to meet her eyes. She didn’t move, but he tightened his grip around her just in case. Her voice was wavering.

When he didn’t answer, she continued. “Why didn’t you save him?”

He looked up at her that time. Above everything else, she was melancholy. “I couldn’t.”

“Why?”

“I just couldn’t, mi amor. You don’t understand.”

With her face contorted in pain, she released a choked sob. Her mouth was hung open. If she chose to believe this imposter, than hearing that nothing could have been done about the love of her life brought her no comfort. It wasn’t fair.

She gripped Miguel’s shirt letting her head fall forward into his chest. He held her for a long time while her shoulders shook. “Please, believe me.”

She doesn’t say anything, but her cries stopped. He began to worry, but she soon lifted her head up and looked into his eyes. His flicked back and forth between hers, and the both of them dive into another passionate kiss. This time, they don’t let up from each other. It gets more intense. Miguel’s breath picks up as his hands begin to explore her back and waist. She pushes her body up against his, rubbing their chests together.

She’s the one who pulls away opting to kiss down from his cheek to his neck. “Just come to bed with me. Please?” She begs into his skin.

Miguel, in a daze, whispers “Okay.”

He lifts her up and lays her down onto his bed, kissing her sweetly as he climbed on top of her. He felt so much bliss, he never imagined he would be able to do this again.

The way she grabbed his face made him never want to physically leave her side again. This was where he wanted to stay for the rest of their lives. She kissed him with so much despair, so much need, how could he ever leave her mouth? But, the strain in his pants and the grip she had on his back get worse, and he finds a reason to pull away.

She whimpers, missing the way his tongue caressed her mouth, leaving her lips swollen and shiny. Her eyes open, silently asking him where he was going, until he reached under the hem of her shirt and lifts it off of her, exposing her beautiful breasts. She gasps when he begins to rub his hand between them, eventually grabbing one to hold and play with. Miguel grins at her while she watches him rub his thumb across her hardened nipple. Which turned into her watching him dip his head down to her sternum and leave the smallest, lightest kiss.

The restraint he had on himself as he trailed his mouth down her body was unnatural. His claws had long since come out, ripping into the bedsheets as he tried so hard not replace them with her luscious hips. She was responding unbelievably well, making him happy he didn’t listen to Lyla tell him how terrible of an idea this was.

Lyla was wrong, he told himself when he heard her soft cry as his tongue played with her nipple. She began to squirm from frustration, and he just had to push his hips in between her open legs, the heat from his dick making her rub her wet panties along his shaft. Miguel moaned with her nipple fully inside his mouth, her moaning with him from the vibration against her chest.

She’s not scared of me, he thought as he leaves her nipple and kisses down her body. His lips finally met up with her panties, opting to push them to the side instead of taking them off completely. He places a kiss on her sensitive clit, his precum staining his underwear when she yelps. Miguel takes a moment to look at her glistening pussy, then he closes his eyes when he finally licks it.

And she doesn’t hate me. Miguel looks drunk when he starts eating her out. His eyebrows are raised and he gently placed her hand on her spread thigh, caressing the soft skin. Her whines making him even more desperate to please her, he presses his tongue into her center harder. His lips are covered with her fluid. Miguel gives her thigh a nice squeeze, then a slap, then he stands up straight.

When she opens her eyes to look at him, her heart races. His eyelids were low, and he towered over body making her feel smaller than she was. His stare was filled with infatuation, wiping off his lower face with one swipe of his large hand. Without breaking eye contact, he rips his shirt off and swipes his pants and underwear down, his large member bouncing back up. Miguel spit into his palm and started jerking himself off. Then, he climbs onto the bed, aligning his hips with hers.

He drools onto her pussy, her shuddering as his spit meets her clit and runs down her lips. It does well to lube her up with Miguel rubbing his tip in between her folds. “Ngh…fuck,” he mutters, the feeling of her wet cunt on his sensitive head giving him a feeling of euphoria.

She grew impatient, while Miguel was trying to take his time and savor her, she was ready to feel him split her apart. This was something she’s been dreaming about since she lost him. She waited for the day his naked body would engulf hers, his face on her cheek whispering filthy insults and sweet praises into her ear. As she remembers how sex used to be with her love, she starts to tear up.

“Miguel,” she whined making him look at her worriedly. When his eyes open, the red she noticed before is even more prominent. His mouth was opened slightly so she could barely see his fangs. How he could look so similar yet so different from her Miguel, she doesn’t know.

“Yes?” He asks her.

“Please, I can’t wait any longer. I want…” She moves her hips on him again. Miguel looks down at their hips and holds hers still.

He doesn’t respond, just pushes his length into her slowly. He grunts as he sheathes himself inside her warmth, reveling in her cries. “Shit, baby.” She’s tight and squeezing him so nicely, he can’t stop until he's inside of her fully.

She’s breathing heavily with her head thrown back and her eyes closed. Her back is arched lifting her naked chest into the air. “Look at me,” Miguel commands. She lifts her head up giving him what he wanted. Her eyes are filled with tears. It hurts, but feels so good. She missed him so much, and now they were one again.

Miguel whimpers at her beautiful face. “Hermosa,” he reaches out to her cheek to hold it. “Don’t cry.”

“But I love you,” she tells him.

He gasps. His hand lifts from her face. Freezing, he stares into her eyes in disbelief. “W-What?”

She takes his hand and brings it to her lips, leaving a gentle smooch. Her eyes close and the tears fall. “I love you, Miguel.”

His eyesight gets blurry as well, and soon Miguel is crying profusely. “Oh, baby,” he leans over her and pulls his hips backwards. Then he slams himself back down, making her yelp. She grabs his face and kisses him. “I love you too.”

As Miguel fucks her slowly, neither of them can find it in them to stay quiet. Miguel has to tell her how terribly in love with her he is. She has to let him know how much she missed him. He leans into her neck and whispers how he missed her too, and to stop crying because he’s here now. Even though, he can’t stop crying either.

She’s so happy to hear that he will never leave her side. She decides to believe him, accepting happiness instead of reality. She ignores his red eyes, his sharp fangs that press against her neck, as if he can barely hold himself back from biting her. She ignores how different the rumbling in his chest is from her Miguel. It’s not soft or sweet nor does it make her content. This one is predatory and dangerous, it makes her nervous.

She dismisses the way he grabs her neck; tight, leaving her with no air, whereas her Miguel knew that she didn’t like it rough. Honestly, neither did he. This Miguel went faster and harder. He grunted into her ear. But, she doesn't care.

She completely ignores how different this Miguel was. Her wishes were answered. She got him back. It doesn’t matter that his hold on her hip was so strong that he’s scratching her. That he didn’t stop or slow down when she came making her overstimulated. She let him cum inside her soon after, knowing that she wasn’t on anything.

“I miss you so fucking much,” she wailed when he slipped his dick out of her, his cum following suit and staining the bed beneath her.

Instead of getting a warm towel, Miguel laid down next to her and pulled her into his arms silencing her cries. “I told you baby, I’m right here.” But she doesn’t correct herself. She doesn’t calm down. She grips him for dear life and Miguel grows nervous.

Lyla was wrong…right?

“You know she will never love you the way she loved him. It will never be the same. Miguel...are you listening?”

“Lyla…shut down.”

ending a/n: Heyyyyy, did y'all like it? This will definitely not be my only Miguel fic but rn I don't really have any ideas for him. My brain is filled with thoughts of Hobie, and I need to stop neglecting my baby daddy Toji, lmao. So I'll be working on a real quick Hobie imagine and my AO3 stories as well for now. Unless I think of something else. I've been thinking about requests but I will fuck around and make a whole story from it cuz idk how to stop writing so damn much. Y'all I rly dk if I want to make another part to JFTN I rly like how it ended and I can't rly think about how I would continue it. Y'all might just have to deal idk girl. I love ya though! Anyway, I'll see y'all in the next story!🩵

AO3 version

My AO3

Masterlist

#across the spiderverse #miguel o'hara #miguel x reader #miguel o'hara smut #miguel o hara x reader #spiderman 2099 #spider man 2099 smut #yandere #yandere miguel o'hara #yandere miguel x reader

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noffy96 · 4 months ago

Text

Old Moon & Dazzle fic

Do i love the 'Sun hopefully adopts Dazzle' headcanon. Yes to bits, But If he is. Then Dazzle get's a whole new family. And I wanted to explore Moon's side of that for a small bit. So here you go.

Uncle Moon

Word count: 2,510

Chapter 1 ( Complete)

Summary

“Hey, you alright?”

Dazzle shook her head,

“I-i know…it’s late…and I am not…supp- supposed to be awake. But…But”

He stopped himself from taking another step closer, as she ducked her head down. More tears were obviously falling.

“But…I…I..is…Is Sun home?”

When Sun is out grocery shopping, Moon finds Dazzle, who has just woken up from a nightmare and looking for Sun. Is he gonna be able to handle this on his own

--link here to AO3--

or continue below the read more line

He blinked open his eyes with a groan. He had fallen asleep on the couch waiting for his brother. With Dazzle and Jack moving in, the need to buy groceries had increased dramatically. His brother of course had plans to buy some food, but a portal malfunction had sent them both away for most of the day.

They just didn’t have the time to do anything else, But they would still need the food in the morning with his own increased appetite as well as Dazzle’s growing one. Sun said he would just do some bulk shopping now at the weird kmart that was always open. So they wouldn’t have to come back for a few days.

He had just been waiting up, maybe a little bit paranoid about his brother's safety with the portal shenanigans happening today. But he was gonna do better and not demand that he stay. It would make Sun feel better and not do something stupid like sneak out. And this way, someone was home with Dazzle and Jack as Lunar was out dealing with something astral-related.

He heard a creak of stairs and he sat up straight, wondering if that was what woke him up in the first place. Switching on his old security programming. Getting off the couch as softly as possible so it didn’t make a sound. He tried to sneak towards the stairs.

That was until he heard a soft quiet sob. As he quickly shut the protocols off, his chest filled with a whole new kind of dread and softly called out.

“Dazzle?”

He heard a soft gasp that confirmed his suspension, So instead of being quiet, he made sure the bells on his outfit let out a little ding as he approached, as he turned the corner and saw the little animatronic deer halfway down the steps. Holding onto the bannister tightly. Her eyes were wide and filled with tears. Along with the signs of tears tracks.

His chest clenched harder. Old protocols long abandoned and unused were trying to make him run towards her. Scoop her up and soothe her. To calm her down. He fought them down, not wanting to scare the poor kid.

He grabbed the bannister pole.

“Hey, you alright?”

Dazzle shook her head,

“I-i know…it’s late…and I am not…supp- supposed to be awake. But…But”

He stopped himself from taking another step closer, as she ducked her head down. More tears were obviously falling.

“But…I…I..is…Is Sun home?”

She changed her sentence, and fuck if the whole scene. Had not already shaken at his cold heart, to hear her so brokenly ask for his brother certainly did it. There was another sob

“I knocked on his door, but he didn’t answer….and then I went in to see if he was sleeping. I know I sho-should wait..bu-but…I was scared..and I just…”

Her hands let go of the railing and started scrubbing her eyes and sobbing. Before he knew it he was up the few steps to reach her, crouching down in front of her.

“Hey, now. You did nothing wrong, Dazzle. Why were you scared?… Did you have a bad dream?”

Dazzle nodded

His fans vented out some air of relief. Happy it was nothing more serious.

“Sun should be home soon, wanna sit with me and wait for him?”

Maybe he should tell her it was okay. Or find out what the dream was. But Sun was better at handling that sort of stuff. He could put kids to sleep. But…he hadn’t done so in a very, VERY long time. And besides he didn’t want her to feel bad for trying to seek help. He’ll ask Sun how to handle this in the future if it happens again.

For now, he could at least distract her.

“R-really, I am not in trouble…for being up after bedtime?”

He shook his head, and gently reached out for her hands taking them away from her face and squeezing them softly

“No, of course not. Why don’t we watch something, hmm? Anything you want, While we wait.”

He gently encouraged her to move down the stairs, and they slowly made their way back to the couch he had initially fallen asleep on.

“Could we watch Bluey? “

“Of course, we can Dazzle,”

“And you are not gonna ask about my nightmare?”

“That is up to you if you want to tell me, but I think you'd rather tell Sun first right?”

Dazzle made a little hum. As she climbed onto the couch he turned on the TV. He grabbed a blanket that was tossed over one of the chairs and warped it around her. And she blinked at him, surprised.

“No reason to be cold while waiting, Is there an episode you want to watch?”

He asked her as he turned on their TV and navigated towards the streaming service he thought held Bluey…he hoped he had remembered it correctly.

“The one where they call their cousins on the tablet? I think it’s pretty funny. Muffin reminds me of Jack sometimes”

He laughed at her remark, and he was happy to see the corners of her mouth move up slightly too. He nodded as he sat down scrolling through the shows,

“And Dazzle?”

“Y-yeah?”

“If there is anything else you want, just ask, okay. I’ll do my best to get it. No problem”

Dazzle went quiet, and he let out a little sigh of relief as he saw the show pop up. He sat back on the couch again,

“Moon?”

He paused before pressing play and turned to face the small deer. There were still some tears in his eyes, and she looked a bit unforgettable. As if scared. Soothing out his voice the best he could

“Yes, what is it?”

“Can I…can I sit in your lap so…so that..so that I know I am safe from the monster”

The question almost made him feel like he got slapped in the face. But he was somehow quick enough to answer her with a calm tone.

“Of course you can.”

He shifted back more, and after some awkward bit of shuffling, he was holding the deer animatronic to his chest. One arm wrapped around her middle to keep her secure, as he pressed play to start the show.

He had planned to just absentmindedly watch the children's show. But right now his thoughts were more focused on Dazzle. She had clearly taken a shine to Sun, people having already joked here and there. That his brother had basically adopted her and become a parent.

Sun also didn’t seem to deny this statement. But would correct people if they called him her father. If he knew his brother, that was because he didn’t want to replace her actual father. Who might still be out there. Even if he never knew what had become of his daughter. Sun wouldn’t want to take his place.

In the time that Dazzle had been here. They had gotten closer too, not strange as they lived together now. But he didn’t think she trusted him this much. He was still kind of a stranger to her.

She listened if he asked something, but he didn’t think she trusted him like this. Of course, it was because Sun was not here. But still. He was doing something right at least if the kid didn’t hate him.

As the episodes went on, Dazzle slowly went from still crying a bit, to being calm. occasionally laughing at the show but still feeling quite tense. Whatever her dream had been, it clearly was still on her mind.

Slowly ever, so slowly he raised his free hand and started to calmly run it over her back in a soothing motion. Dazzle let out a purely mechanical chirp, which he responded to in a soft croon. And with every swipe, he felt Dazzle lean more and more against him.

He tilted his head down and saw her slowly close her eyes. Slowly nodding off. He wasn’t sure how to feel about that. If he should let her fall asleep or keep her awake. Either way, he’d tell Sun what had happened. IT was scratching an old itch somewhere deep in his code though, seeing her fall asleep.

The show stopped playing with a ‘Are you still there’ message appearing on screen. Then suddenly, from deep inside his chest, a soft lullaby started playing. It surprised him, he didn’t think he’d still have the music box installed in his chest.

But Dazzle didn’t seem to mind, slowly seemingly falling into a deeper sleep. As he tugged the blanket around her more securely she mumbled something.

“Go to sleep kid, I’ll keep you safe until Sun is here”

“Okay, thank you, Uncle Moon”

His eyes widened, as he pulled the air across his fans in a gasp. Dazzle falling into a deeper sleep. He tried to think, tried to process. But all he could do was stare forward,

UncleMoonUncleMoonUncleMoonUncleMoon

Repeating over and over again inside his head. He had never been anything other than a brother. And that he had screwed over big time. He was still repairing his relationship with Sun. Lunar was still distant from him and was still in the process of getting to know Earth.

So too have this new title, suddenly thrown in his lap. He wasn’t sure what to do with it. He moved to keep gently stroking the child's back. Maybe…maybe it was a good thing. Something to start completely clean.

A relationship he didn’t need to repair or start over. Or attached to the baggage of his other self. No…he could be an uncle. He would be the best damn uncle there was.

He heard the front door open, and his brother struggled with dragging in the groceries. But the second Sun spotted him he left the bags in the foyer to come closer. And he could hear the cameras go off behind his eyes.

He raised his eyebrow at him, but considering he did the same when Dazzle stayed the first night. He supposed he couldn’t complain. He texted his brother so as to not wake Dazzle with their voices.

‘She just fell back asleep, nightmare, was looking for you’

His brother's emotes went through several different ones, not being able to settle onto one. As he slowly moved closer.

‘Jack not here?’

He got a text back, and he sent a shrug emoticon back. As Sun stood beside them, adjusting the blanket around Dazzle onces before pulling back

‘Did she say anything about the nightmare’

He carefully shook his head

‘Only something about a monster when she asked for me to hold her’

Sun let out a soft crooning noise,

‘We’ll see if she remembers when she wakes up, anything else?’

He hesitated for a brief second. Not sure what he should say, but he needed Sun’s opinion on this as her primary caretaker.

‘She called me Uncle Moon’

Sun let out a soft gentle whirr as he hesitated to meet his brother's gaze.

‘I’m not surprised’

Was the text he got, and heard Sun let out a nervous chuckle.

‘If you don’t want her to call you that, you can ask her to stop’

‘NO’

He texted back a bit too quickly and he saw Sun basically whip his head around to face him. As his face started to glow lighty feeling embarrassed.

‘I’m okay with it, just wondering if you were’

Sun moved his hands around like he did when he was spluttering and having a hard time getting his thoughts out. Eventually, he got a text

‘Not really up to me…it’s her choice’

He gave his brother a stare, the same one he always did when he felt like his brother was understating how much he meant to Dazzle. And how much the little girl had grown on his brother as well. He wasn’t lying when he told Sun that he was a good parent to the children he took care of. Not only in the daycare.

He got why Sun hesitated to take the title of Dad. But as far as he was concerned. Sun was her parent. And Sun, despite his nerves knew this too and took that role seriously.

Sun faltered slightly before letting out a deep sigh.

‘I have nothing against it. Just be sure to fulfil that role as best you can'

He felt a slight pang of hurt at the text. Knowing how much he still had to make up to Sun for. That his brother was at least a little bit afraid he might hurt her as he did him.

‘I have every intention to, could you maybe later teach me how to better handle it if she gets a nightmare again?’

‘I think you did pretty good Moon, if she fell asleep on you’

He gently stroked Dazzle’s back once more who had been sleeping soundly but he could still feel that she was not as relaxed as she could have been.

‘I think that was more exhaustion, I think she’d been crying longer than it took her to get out of her room. I wish I could have calmed her more before she fell asleep. Cause it doesn’t feel like she’ll get a restful one’

Sun nodded with a sad expression.

‘Okay then, I see what I can do…I’ll put the groceries away now’

He gave a nod and listened to the sounds his brother made as he put everything away. As well as focusing on the quiet breaths of the animatronic in his arms. She twitched once and he made some soft shushing noises. Glowing again as he realised that his music box had still been playing.

But now that Sun was home, he felt something relaxed inside of him. His own eyes fell shut once more, Sun bustling becoming a background noise. He didn’t realise he was falling asleep. Until he felt the click of a charging cable being put into the back of his head. With another quiet click, he assumed the same was done to dazzle. There was something being wrapped around his shoulders and he felt too warm and toasty to open his eyes again.

The couch dipped slightly beside him. A hand softly squeezing his shoulder gratefully, as he heard Sun murmur something softly to Dazzle he couldn’t understand.

‘Thanks, Moon, for taking care of her’

Came a final text, and he couldn’t help the odd sense of pride at it.

Seems he had gotten a niece. hah…A niece. Never thought that would happen. He squeezed her a bit closer. He was gonna be the best damn uncle he could be. He didn’t have to worry. He was sure his brother would help him. He wasn’t gonna fuck up another family relationship.

He felt Sun’s head hit the edge of his shoulder, seemingly having fallen asleep himself.

They got this.

He was sure of it

#tsams #tsams moon #tsmas old moon #tsams dazzle #laes dazzle #sams moon #sams old moon #the sun and moon show moon #the sun and moon show sun #tsams sun #sams sun #the sun and moon show dazzle #the sun and moon show #fic #tsams fic #sams fic #noffy's writing

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dean-a-mean-tae · 11 months ago

Text

Light At The End | Stray Kids Extra Member AU

You shine bright Brighter than all the stars ... And your perfection even in your mistakes Give affection even when your heart aches

Chan x Nicholas | Those are song lyrics from Alvin and the Chipmunks ;-; | I hope this was to your standards!

WARNINGS: Discrimination, Racism, Could be perceived as self-harm (Nicholas gets hurt twice but is okay with both), anorexia (different for everyone this is based on my experience), I think that's it

I realized I forgot to put warnings, and I am so sorry. (Update 12/22/23 9:20)

Nicholas Ross Master List | Requested: Yes | Of The Tunnel Part 2

"I'm gonna ask you something, and I want you to be honest," Chan whispered. His voice was loud in the silence of his room. Nicholas sat with him with a stuffed frog in his lap.

They were in their spot again. The place Nicholas first opened up to Chan. The place where Chan swore to help Nicholas find himself.

"What happened?"

You know the phrase, 'Your parents are your first bullies,' right? They told you they did it to prepare you for the world, and it worked. You know the world is cruel, and nowhere is safe for you. Not even your head. Your head is clouded by judgment forced on you as a child.

"Why don't you talk to me?" They whine. They don't realize they follow in their parents' footsteps. They tell your business because it's family, then get angry when you do the same. Isn't that what they taught you?

Nicholas grew up in a world of hate and then got thrown into a world of more hate.

He couldn't handle the ones about his appearance. Why don't they like him? He's tall, has soft skin, has healthy hair, and is happy. He has proper hygiene and cares for his body as much as it allows.

He was used to the comments about his talent, or lack thereof. He could handle the ones complaining about his spot in Stray Kids. Those were easy because they were true. These cuts weren't deep, and they reminded him of home.

"You did good in practice today," Felix said as he looped his arm through Nick's.

"Only because Minho hyung stayed behind and helped. I'm out of rhythm still," Nicholas denied, shaking his head.

But the ones about his appearance? His mother taught him to be proud of his complexion and how his hair grew from his scalp. So, what was wrong with him? Why don't they like him? Why can't they like him?

"Nicholas?"

Maybe he should get a perm. Is that what it's called? A perm? The thing that gives you curls or takes your curls is a perm, right? Whatever, the stylist will know what he's talking about. It was her idea anyway.

"When will you tame these knots?" The woman groaned as she brushed through Nicholas' hair. It hurt, but he wouldn't say anything. She is the hairstylist. This is her job. It hurt when his momma braided his hair, but it always looked good when done.

"What knots? I brushed and plaited my hair," Nicholas explained, looking at the woman in the mirror. She would be pretty if she stopped glaring. Glaring gave her wrinkles around the eyes and reminded him of those pug dogs.

"We should put a relaxer in your hair. The chemicals will make it straight and fix these knots." She ignored him. She kept talking about his unmanageable hair and how difficult it was to work with him.

Relaxer, that's what it's called, or is it both? Nicholas can't remember. He should schedule one. He couldn't tell the members. Jeongin and Changbin would strangle him before letting him get rid of his curls.

"Nick, can you hear me?"

"Did you hear?" Someone whispered, and Nicholas tilted his head. The mirror showed the two stylists behind him.

"He only washes his hair once a month. Twice if his members help him," She grumbled.

The woman in front of her grimaced in disgust, "Could you imagine the build-up?"

"What about his stylist?" The first one huffed, leaning to hide from a passing staff. "Don't you think it's selfish making her deal with the dirt?"

Maybe the relaxer will help make wash days easier. Simple wash days meant his hair could be washed frequently.

His eyes were stinging again.

"Don't rub your eye so hard," Chan scolded as he yanked Nicholas' arm away from his eye. The pull sent a pain up his shoulder, but it's okay. "You still have your contacts in."

Contacts? Oh, the new ones he got from Nicki. After one of the members gave her his account information, she would put money in his account and order things for him. A sweet woman, she is.

For some reason, these contacts prevent him from crying. He likes them.

"Is this about the comments?" Chan whispered. He knew? Of course, he knows. If Chan knows, then Minho knows. Minho finds these things before everyone.

Nicholas still can't find the strategy in Minho's methods.

"Nicholas?"

He did it again. He fell down the rabbit hole. He needs to stop doing that. Did he eat today? He skipped breakfast cause he had an early practice. He promised Hyunjin he would eat later after vocal lessons. He drank a smoothie and ate an apple.

Technically, he didn't lie. Hyunjin would still be mad, though.

"I need to eat something," Nicholas said, more like croaked. Had he been quiet this whole time?

"You're hungry?" Chan asked.

"No." But he knew he needed to eat something. He was doing so well. He ate two meals and four snacks yesterday. And he didn't throw up. He forgot to tell Nicki about that.

Too late now. Progress gone.

"I'm proud of you." Maybe it was how soft Chan said. Or it could have been because of the raw emotion in his voice. But a quiet, pathetic sound left Nicholas' lips, and his fists tightened around the frog. Gentle hands guided him to warmth.

You would think he'd be used to this by now. Comfort through touch or even words. He didn't have that from his parents, and his sister didn't know how to be gentle until they were older.

"I'm proud of you."

There it was again. The phrase that broke him. The phrase that scared him. He used to think love was conditional.

But a genuine love, platonic or romantic, is unconditional, even when it hurts. That's why it hurts to move on or forget.

He was moving now. Where is he going?

"Go to sleep, Nick," Chan whispered. Oh, he's being carried. That's why it's so warm. They're going home? He missed home. He wondered how they were doing.

"Thank you, Starlight," Nicholas whispered.

"You're welcome."

Nicholas Ross Master list | Of The Tunnel Part 2

©️DEANAMEANTAE2023

Tags list: @bada-lee-ily, @jinnie-ret, @hwxnghyynjin, @foxilsdenn, @rensahazard, You can be added by asking in the replies, sending me a message, or doing an ask thingy.

#deantae nicholas ross #skz 9th member #stray kids 9th member #skz x reader #stray kids x reader #skz x male reader #stray kids x male reader #skz x 9th member #stray kids extra member #stray kids with the 9th member #9th member of skz #9th member of stray kids #bang chan x oc #bang chan x male reader #bang chan x reader #bang chan fluff

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swordfright · 1 year ago

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do you have any c!awesamdream fics recomendations?

Honestly, I don’t have a ton of recs. c!awesamdream fic is mysteriously hard to find, and I also wouldn’t want to recommend you anything super E-rated in case that’s not your jam. Personally I’ve had more success searching the Sam & Dream gen relationship tag than the slash tag. That said, here are my no-brainer recs, most are gen with some exceptions:

inosculation by @theminecraftbox - canon compliant, reflection on how their relationship progresses during the prison arc, how c!sam’s authoritarian tendencies bloom in pandora, and the weird symbiosis he and dream achieve. technically not a slash fic but like it is To Me!!

saltwater on rock by @elmhat - also not technically a slash fic but it is a fun exploration of their relationship post-prison: who are they to each other, now that they aren’t prisoner and warden? what power has dream reclaimed, what power has sam ceded? or is it the other way around? fun stuff.

the trees deny themselves nothing by @lookinghalfacorpse - if you’re asking for recs you’ve probably already read this one (it’s basically THE awesamdream fic at this point) but i think it lends itself to re-readability! and if you haven’t read it: dream loses his leg in pandora, phil n techno conscript sam to make him a new one after the jailbreak, things get interesting. OP also wrote a post-fic oneshot which you can read here.

everlasting evermore by @elmhat - incomplete atm and also not slash but definitely awesamdream vibes. sam is a sad widower king who interrogates dream in his dungeon so it scratches the fantasy itch. this fic does some cool things with the cloning lab lore and i’m really excited to see where it goes!

21 steps in the desert by @airrec - banger. it's short so i won't describe it in detail. banger tho!

scream eureka by @cgogs - basically a post-canon domestic horror fic, sam and dream are married (with a kid on the way) but neither of them is able to move on from pandora. this fic deals with issues of bodily autonomy very well and it’s also refreshing to see trans pregnancy handled with tact, rather than treated like a fetish or a joke. IIRC this fic is an AU of an AU so be warned, it does come with like 30 pages of background lore which isn't necessary to understand the fic but does make it easier to follow.

all these lives by @lookinghalfacorpse - reincarnation drabble, plays with sam’s obsession in fun ways. not really sure how else to describe this one but i reread it sometimes! it’s good!

you don't have to be like that by @dr3amofagame - incomplete, i haven't reread this one in a while but i remember enjoying it at lot! dream gives sam the book in a moment of desperation and then has to navigate the fallout.

accident by @airrec - another fave. concise, fucked up, and very well written.

i’ve also been working on a multichap awesamdream fic (am i allowed to rec my own fics??? is that too cringe??) that’s gonna be wrapping up soon. pandora's vault gains sentience, that's the whole plot. like most of the other works on this list, it’s not technically ship fic but it is very much about sam and dream’s...situation. full warning tho, it’s long and rambly and weird, sorry for that!

i also wanna add that pretty much any fic that explores the scrapped lore is gonna have to deal with awesamdreamisms by necessity, owing to the nature of, well, the lore. there's a decent amount of fics about it, here's one that I found recently and enjoyed a lot.

Have fun, mind the tags. And if you find more then by all means, feel free to add to this post! I know there's a lot of tumblr-exclusive content floating around out there that can be harder to find than stuff on AO3.

Also, it's worth mentioning that some of the most compelling c!awesamdream content I've read were brief interludes in fics about much broader subjects in the fandom; I've read a lot of great c!awesamdream moments in c!rivals fics, prison trio fics, c!dnf fics, etc. So my advice is to cast your net wide, if that makes sense? Happy reading!

#like i said most are gen but like gen: suggestive edition if you catch my drift #i hope thats ok to say dfghnjmkjhg #if anyone wants to be untagged from this post and/or have their work removed just dm me and i'll make it happen!#c!sam #c!awesamdream #c!dream #awesamdude #dreblr #fic rec #asks #i don't have time to check these links before going back to work but hopefully they all lead where they're supposed to #if not lmk

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emeriethevalkyriegirl · 8 months ago

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A Cat-tastrophy! (Gwynriel week fanfic)

A/N: Inspired by a reblog from @sunshinebingo this one’s pretty short btw

Summary: Gwyn gets turned into a cat and Az has to deal with it. @gwynrielweeksofficial

“Gwyn, don’t!” Azriel cried out as he watched the orange cat wiggle her butt to leap in the air.

It’s been almost 48 hours sense the incident on his last mission. Azriel and Gwyn were tracking down a witch that has been causing trouble in Velaris. Her main power was turning people into animals. Azriel and Gwyn were closing in on her and as a result, she zapped Gwyn with her powers and had turned her into a fluffy orange cutie.

Azriel would’ve ran around the witch, but his mate needed him. Gwyn immediately cuddled into Azriel, accepted his body heat and purring in his touch. When Az had told the others about what happened, Rhysand had assured him (after some major threats to the witch herself) that in 48 hours, she’ll return to normal.

Now if only those hours were a lot faster.

Carrying for his mate as an orange cat was a lot harder than he previously had thought. If he thought she was bubbly before, surely her kitty phase was even bubblier. She would jump, climb, and pounce on any surface she could find. She’d grab his attention by playing with his weapons and scratching up the couch. He loved her. He did. But even he had his limits.

And the shadows, definitely weren’t helping. They were so fawned by Kitty Gwyn that they morphed into shadow kitties and began to play with her as well. Now, he was looking after 4 cats.

Gwyn meowed and stared at her target. She was on the tip of the couch and she was trying to make her way to the kitchen counter. Which was a very far distance. She wiggled her butt for good luck and flew through the air. Azriel let out a curse before he grabbed her in mid air. Azriel opened his mouth to scold her, but one look at her best kitty eyes and he was at her disposal.

The giant Illyrian groaned. “What am I gonna do with you?” Gwyn merely meowed. The Illyrian’s shadows cooed at the kitten and twirled around her like a stream of ribbons. Gwyn swatted her paws at the shadows, trying to catch them. Rolling his eyes, Azriel placed her back on the floor. “Be careful.” He said as he looked at the clock in the kitchen. 4 hours left. He can handle that.

“Gwyn you serious need to-“ Az stopped short when he discovered that the orange feline had vanished. The shadowsinger spranged into action and looked around the room for the troublesome cat. “Gwyn!” He called out, but no answer.

A faint bump was all he heard, before he raced to his room. Azriel sighed heavily when he saw Gwyn chewing on his coat. “You little-“ he said before picking her up and holding her to his chest. “What did I tell you about scratching up my coats?” He tried to scold as the ginger feline meowed and slapped her paw on his cheek. He didn’t hurt him though. Az only sighed, allowing the kitten to smoosh his cheek with her paw.

Azriel looked at the clock in his room to see that it was close to midnight. He closed the door to his room and put the playful cat on his bed. “Stay here.” He said before going into the bathroom to change. When he emerged, he found his mate curled up on one of his pillows. She meowed to him, saying he could join her. As if the bed was her own. Az could help but smug, climbing into his own bed. “You’re a real hassle you know that?” He said as Gwyn stuck out her tongue and casually climbed onto his chest. She licked his face as the Illyrian rubbed her fur, watching his mate purr in his touch. “If I find any hairballs.” He tried to threaten her, but Gwyn only purred more and had fallen asleep before he was even finished.

Az chuckled quietly and kissed her head. Maybe having a cat around wasn’t so bad. Though, he’d prefer an actual car rather then one who was his mate.

#gwynriel weeks 2024 #acotar #azriel #gwyn #Kitty Gwyn #gwynriel

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blu3haw4 · 2 months ago

Note

He's not yours Clarke

I... did thought of and angsty little moment of G!P Clarke and pregnant Lexa letting her know that the baby is not hers... but we are NOT going down that path... this is still a little angsty but not too much.

Ill take it for a little insight into my famous au

This entire universe is planned out ln my head but as a fic I've only ever imagined small scenes (and posted some) but can't seem to settle down on a way to write it. One heavy thing about this story is that Lexa deals with depression, anxiety, and both a sleeping and an eating disorder bc of her job, and it actually takes a while for her to get out of the environment causing it and even longer to heal from it all. One random fact about this universe though is that Lexa adopts a dog. I imagine she does the buzzfee puppy interview and there's this one little guy that consistently pushed her or jumps at her before drifting away and coming back again. She's like a month and a half away from finishing her contact with her current oppressing (homofobic) label, and she just needs to take him home with her.

"I'm gonna have to take you home. And that's not good budy. Nono, I'm a busy woman. Im gonna have to call my dad and you and I are gonna be in trouble" is what she keeps telling the dog while the cameras still roll.

She ends up naming him krasha (wave in trigedasleng (or at least that's what i remember it meant))

At this point on the timeline, her and Clarke have been dating for two and a half years, privately and secret to the public eye. When she goes to Clarke's and introduces Krasha and her plan to have her dad baby(doggy?)sit until she's done with work, she keeps trying to say it can be their dog and Clarke keeps making sure Lexa knows it's her dog. Not a malicious way, not mean or afraid of commitment, just reminding her that it was her decision and thus her son. (I used to have a fake twitter thread of them earlier that same year joking that they would get a dog, but i can't find it now, it even involves their mothers saying they were to young to be grandmas)

Clarke keeps going with little jokes like "your dog peed inside" or "your dog kept me up all night howling at nothing" (she was the one who thought him how to howl but she changes the subject every time is bought up)

Is years down the line, on a random bad day for Lexa that Clarke tells her she can take care of Krasha while she takes her of herself that Lexa snaps a little, Clarke didn't call krasha hers or implied it really, but Lexa is upset and she needs a distraction.

"He's not yours, Clarke. Isn't that what you're always saying?" She sounds more defeated than she would like, and it all takes Clarke by surprise, she paused, unsure of where the conversation is going.

"I am perfectly capable of taking care of my dog" Lexa continues "He's not yours Clarke, so don't worry, ill figure it out"

"Hey. Okay, wait" Clarke shakes her head with a little frown and her eyes closed, catching up on Lexa's mood, and knowing exactly how to handle the situation.

"First of all, I never said you weren't capable, neither was i complaining about taking care of him, i was offering. Second, i am aware he's not mine, but you are my girlfriend, taking care of you is my thing, one i do happily. Okay?" Clenched jaw and hardening eyes stared at her, but ultimately Lexa nodded.

"Now, krasha being yours and not ours or mine has never been about me not wanting him, Lex. I love the little shit so much and i have since the moment you got him. And I love even more what he represents to you and your healing process" at this Lexa's eyes soften a little, a pause, a willingness to understand what Clarke is telling her.

"The decision you made? When you adopted him? That was the first time since you signed the contract with flamekeepers that you made a decision all on your own and all for yourself. You weren't thinking about me when you picked him, you weren't thinking about what anyone would tell you, you wanted him and you got him. Lexa krasha was the first step into your freedom from the dickhead of your manager, he was the first selfish decision you took since telling me the truth about the closeting, since we first kissed. The fact that it was all you was so important to me, for you to see, for you to own it. For him to be yours and solely yours." Tears began streaming down Lexa's cheeks and Clarke calmly wiped them away, unbothered by the show of emotions, and satisfied that Lexa understands.

"I'm sorry if it even came across differently, and I'm sorry I've never said it before"

"No, it's okay. I've never doubt it. I've always known it had to be something like that, I'm just... im sorry i snapped"

"Okay baby, don't worry, i kwon. I know it's been a bad day... just remember that im here" Lexa nodded closing her eyes and leaning into Clarke's open arms, melting into the hug "I love you, Lexa. And I love that little monster and all the little things I've taught him that bite me in the ass more often than not" Lexa giggled into her shoulder and as if on cue, the tip-tap of claws came closer into their (Clarke's) bedroom [They don't leave together yet... technically, since Lexa still has her own place]

"I love you too, Clarke, thank you" Lexa was able to say before krasha started woofing at them from the floor as if complaining about not being invited into the cuddles.

I've done some research for how i imagine him and I've come down to say he's a husky and German shepherd and pitbull/boxer/bulldog (some smaller dog) mix, i don't think I'll ever truly specify it bc i actually down know if the pictures i have match too well BUT the point is that when he eventually grows up, he's not too big, but has that beautiful face of a husky AND a German shepherd (and the terrible need to howls all the time).

#anon #ask #writing games #writing prompts #clexa #famous au #clexa fic #i think i imagine krasha tiny bc i have a french bulldog. he's not a chihuahuas or a pocket dog like poddle-toy but not big either #y'know? that middle size is way he must be a hybrid with some smaller dog in my head #this one was fun #thank you!

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quitealotofsodapop · 1 year ago

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[Now I'm imagining a Judge Judy or Maury-esque trial over the custody/parentage of Sun Luzhen and the other SWKs vs their universes' respective Nuwa, Houtu and Fuxi.]

Goodness, that guy has to earn a LOT of overtime to deal with SWKs and the fams nonsense. Hope they invite him to family events too X)

[Reborn SWK/Smokey is the most furious since he has a whole complex over not having parents.]

I wanna write something funny, but all I can make up is the image of Reborn Nuwa shoving as much money and stuff as possible as Hush Money so that their connection stays a secret. I feel like that would make Smokey super-duper mad.

[Plum, realising that he probably shouldn't have said that: "The... the supreme goddess of the moon?" (o_o;) Other LEMs: "THE WHO?!?"]

Plum, poking head into the room with the SWKs: Sorry about that, but I think I broke your partners.

Damn, so Mac's also royalty! Although, how well known was that if he worked as PIFs attendant in the Celestial Realm?

...now I am curious how Babs and Gibs came to be...what's their lineage? And do they know of it?

[Different SWKs reactions ahoy!]

Hmm...how do the LEM's (and rest of the Pilgrims if they are around) feel about Luzhen? He has to quite literally rock their world with the revelations.

[He's used to sudden children by now.]

Peach, hearing Dasheng's footsteps in the house: Hey, bud, what's ahhh... *Sees that Dasheng has 10 kids, all hanging from his limbs...* Umm...

Dasheng: I walked by an orphanage...

Peach: Wow, your dad vibes are over 9000, huh?

Dasheng: What does that even mean?!

[heck yeah, I'm dad, not our neglectful creators.]

I am picturing Dasheng looking at either of the gods in question and going, "Oh look at that, the deadbeats are here. Have you brought the child support or do I have to boot you off my mountain again?"

[it's not his fault another him got made! And whats more he's furious at their creators for "allowing" another Stone Monkey to be born to face the same crisis/trials he did.]

You know, I once read that we grow up to be the person our younger selves would have felt the safest with. Paraphrased a bit, but the idea is there. They are two different people, but, maybe he can help heal his inner child in this way.

[His cub now, their creators can screw off!]

I have this image: One of the parents in question coming in hot to claim parental rights or something, only for Cherry, handling his Luzhen off to somebody to keep safe, to launch an attack so brutal and bloody Buddha took one look at the carnage and noped out of there, going like "Not even I am willing to fuck with that. Nope."

[They do have a little brain itch of what this could mean for them tho.]

Not the brain itch you or Shihou were having, but mine is itching with the question of...how would SWK and/or LEM handle a child with cognitive disabilities - like serious ones at that?

[Meanwhile Mac is just like; "He's a toddler. They all want to fight heaven."]

Well, he's not wrong. I am told as a small child I advocated for burning the government whenever the adults complained about something relating to politics. I was quite the anarchist.

[albeit one thats technically his uncle(?) he's not gonna worry about that part.]

I did one read a book where the middle-school-aged-MC had a two-year-old Baby Aunt. I also thought it was odd - but also one hell of a way to find out your parents/grandparents are still getting it on.

Gonna have to be my replies under Read more soon cus gotdang you really give me a lot to talk about! /positive :D

[Goodness, that guy has to earn a LOT of overtime to deal with SWKs and the fams nonsense. Hope they invite him to family events too X)]

SWK's lawyer def gets a yearly holiday card, and invites to family events. He's practically family after the first couple of scandals.

[I wanna write something funny, but all I can make up is the image of Reborn Nuwa shoving as much money and stuff as possible as Hush Money so that their connection stays a secret. I feel like that would make Smokey super-duper mad.]

F in chat to poor Smokey; who wanted a meaningful relationship/an apology from his creators and now only has worthless hush money, and a small son/brother(?) to take care of.

[Damn, so Mac's also royalty! Although, how well known was that if he worked as PIFs attendant in the Celestial Realm?]

The Celestial Realm recognised LMK!Mac as *belonging* to the supreme Mood Deity, but were unsure exactly how. He's a monkey after all, and Taiying is human (they think). Maybe he's her pet? Alchemy experiment gone wrong? Either way, he was a calming influence on the young and frustrated Princess Tieshan, so he was at least treated with the same respect as a lady-in-waiting - although not as much as humanoid celestial would be.

If the Celestial Realm knew the Six Eared Macaque was the child of the Supreme Moon Deity, then he might have had some weight to throw around the court - if Lady Taiying recognised him as such. Otherwise its another aspect they would have mocked him for - whats more to them than another illegitimate noble?

Also; Plum accidentally breaking all the other LEMs cus he didn't realise that they didn't know about their origins. XD

[…now I am curious how Babs and Gibs came to be…what's their lineage? And do they know of it?]

Odds are those two were created by separate star entities long before the modern earth even existed. Earth is were they spent their teenage/college years essentially before they retired to space. If they know of their origins, they don't care much.

Rest of replies under Read More!

[Hmm…how do the LEM's (and rest of the Pilgrims if they are around) feel about Luzhen?]

Most of the LEMs are shocked silent for the most part.

Plum/LMK!Mac: in particular a little annoyed but adoring that a tiny copy of Wukong has been dropped onto his lap. But hey, free baby is free baby. Will kill anything that dares to inflict any of SWK's trauma onto Luzhen.

Zhanshi/HiB!LEM: immediately goes full mom-mode on the infant monkey. Little guy needs a stable home after all! Hunting down his primordial in-laws for answers can wait... for now.

Liang/Reborn!LEM: is a little faster to accept Luzhen as their responsibility than Smokey, and helps to be the "softer" parent of the two. They def agree that the gods can screw off tho.

Olive/Netflix!LEM: is initially so freaked out that they don't want anything to do with Luzhen. But the moment the little guy reaches out for a hug... who is Olive to deny him? A bit colder, but is warming up fast. Is the one who holds Luzhen while Cherry fights the gods - like the infamous "Get his ass baby, I got your flower" except flower is baby.

Joker/NewGods!LEM: is already bouncing the kid on his knee. Its a shock but hey, its like how they got their MK. Little guy is stinking adorable too. Is also very mad at the gods for being so irresponsible. Probably gets really defensive when people ask if him and Ace are Luzhen's grandparents tho.

Spice/2000s!LEM: is scared. So very scared. Mostly out of worry. He's just coming to terms with his own creation/identity, and now there's a bonus Wukong?! What if the gods take Luzhen away!? He needs to sit down a bit. Takes him a while to see Luzhen as more than a extension of SWK, afterwards its more mentor and tudi vibes.

Meihouwang Mihou: is... still in shock. He reacted badly enough to Shihou's arrival, and now an entire infant version of Shihou needs food and parents to take care of him. Its overwhelming. And then Shihou approaches him for advice? On how to raise Luzhen? Oh gosh, maybe this was a sign from the gods. His ears are flooded with the sounds of wedding bells and laughing infants. This oz his and Shihou's baby now. Still asks the Elder monkeys for help tho, since he barely knows what to do more than Shihou does.

Lilac/Smash!LEM: is hesistant to get close. They feel that they can't just drop everything to raise a whole kid, not with their career quicky on the rise. Their Wukong is such a good caretaker tho, and Lilac feels a little guilty when they can't join in on family time. Def dedicates a song about "little falling stars" to Luzhen, and has frequent video calls when he's away. Vows to spoil the kid anytime they're together to make up for any time lost.

The other pilgrims are having bluescreen errors every time they try thinking about the ramifictions of multiple earth/creation gods pulling up to drop lore like that.

The Tripitakas are torn between "Oh its a blessing!" and "Oh sweet Buddha, theres two of them now." HiB!Liuer has already claimed his Luzhen as his little brother/fellow tudi.

You know the Zhu Bajie's are laughing their butts off once the shock wears off. Lots of child support jokes. Declares themselves the different Luzhens' uncles.

Sha Wujing is a little more... unsettled. Why did a bunch of gods just show up- oh sweet buddha they're Older Brother Sun's creators?! And theres' a little Sun now!? Reborn!SWJ def has a small breathing-into-a-paper-bag anixety attack. Afterwards though they feel a greater kinship, with their Luzhens and SWKs. After all, they feel "discarded" by the gods also.

[I am picturing Dasheng looking at either of the gods in question and going, "Oh look at that, the deadbeats are here. Have you brought the child support or do I have to boot you off my mountain again?"]

The idea of Dasheng looking the earth gods in the eye and calling them "deadbeats" is the most perfectly in-character thing for him ever. I love it.

[You know, I once read that we grow up to be the person our younger selves would have felt the safest with. Paraphrased a bit, but the idea is there. They are two different people, but, maybe he can help heal his inner child in this way.]

That is literally the most sweetest and heartbreaking thing. Smokey considers himself "broken", but Luzhen as "still good enough" to help. By being a good protector and influence, he secretly hopes to heal the scared child he once was. :']

Meanwhile, Netflix!SWK/Cherry is fighting any gods that dare threaten to take his mini-me away.

[how would SWK and/or LEM handle a child with cognitive disabilities - like serious ones at that?]

Honestly? Pretty ok. They know that people can be born "different" and have different hurdles to overcome. In the wild, macaques are known to pay extra attention to troop members with disabilities, and treat them kindly.

I hc MK as having adhd, which really affects his attention and short term memory, so Shadowpeach have been working with that for a long time. Wukong and Macaque themselves are very autistic-coded (which makes my autistic butt very happy), and would have a lot of insight to how the kid might be feeling.

If one of their kids has another serious cognitive impairment, like being non-verbal, they'll find a way to adapt to it. SWK 100% has learned both forms of CSL over the years, and does a refresher in prep for MK's arrival. Helps a lot when the more monkey-ish side of the kids means that they don't verbalize for a long time compared to human kids.

[one hell of a way to find out your parents/grandparents are still getting it on.]

MK had that crisis at age 19 when the Lunar Nodelets were on the way. Like when he found out it was at a high-stress moment so he barely had time ot process it; "We had just saved the world from the Lady Bone Demon and you two were...?! Ugh! I need to wash my brain out."

Nezha had a more firey reaction when he learned of the Eclipse Twins years prior. He didn't even know the monkeys did that stuff. He was uber-grossed out in an almost cooties sort of way, but also in a "please for the love of buddha, don't fill the celestial realm with your spawn"-kind of way.

Tysm for sending so many cool questions in! You really rock my create brain <3

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filmsoftheflesh · 5 months ago

Text

youtube

I would prefer that people speak the word “death” and acknowledge the death that comes along with this disease, I mean we’re not all asymptomatic muscle boys and kickboxing dykes fighting this epidemic, there is a tendency in the face of media images of AIDS, you know that we’ve been fed over the years… there’s a tendency to try to fight those images, so that there were created statements like people living with AIDS, people fighting with AIDS… which I find nothing wrong with and I agree with trying to dismantle those media images, but then I think at times in the activist community there’s a tendency to go into total denial about death which society has always done anyways. I always felt as a teenager and growing up that if this society even could for five minutes deal with mortality, on a coast-to-coast level, I mean in education and our institutions and our schools, that most of us would never be doing the things that we’re doing, that we wouldn’t care to live in and support the social structure if we really understood something about our mortality.

To leave the bed of a friend who can’t even put a spoon in his own mouth and then go to some public gathering where somebody makes a statement that “AIDS is not about death”... is outrageous to me. It’s no less outrageous than what common media will do. [...] You know, I think it brings up other issues, too, you know, that I’ve experienced over the last seven, eight years, of buzzwords like courage and strength, that… he or she was so courageous as they came to their death, or he or she had so much strength and uh, they’re just buzzwords for politeness, and I’m not gonna crawl into the media grave of AIDS and just die courageously or politely. You know, I have no desire to be polite in the face of being slowly murdered.

[...]

I know that, you know if I die I’m not gonna die simply because I got fucked in the ass without a condom or swallowed some stranger’s come. I know that I’m gonna die because of the way that this disease has been handled by those in positions of power.

[...]

There seems to be this sort of aversion to anger, and it’s not just, I mean just in society in general, anger gets the same treatment as mortality, which is people just go into denial about it, or, somehow, anger as an emotion is yet another taboo in this country: we should suppress our anger, we shouldn’t speak angrily [...]. Anger is an emotion that I think is extremely valuable, it’s a transitory emotion, it’s something that leads you out of one place and into another, whether it’s out of inactivity into activity… and it somehow catalyzes a series of reactions to events that one experiences or one contains or one carries. I’ve had people try to explain away some of the things that I’ve said or done by saying “oh, he’s angry because he has AIDS”, and I don’t think you need to be carrying this virus to have a reaction to how this epidemic has been handled. I think everybody has a right to be angry and I feel like I’ve come to a place in my life that… if people prefer to see me as a monster at times because of what they witness of my anger, then I prefer to be seen as a monster. It’s actually comforting, because it just gives me more room, and allows me more room to express the range of things that I feel. If I come to a place where I feel hate [...] and that starts translating itself into activities I think that’s perfectly good for myself, it’s where I am, it’s what I see and perceive and respond to. [...] rage is a really interesting tool to dismantle this whole illusion of things like one tribe nation or general public or what’s acceptable and not acceptable. The things that I loved in experiences of activism were not so much the media revolutionaries or the photogenic revolutionaries or activists who, you know, most get attention or press or airtime on some spot on the TV news; the people that I’m most enthralled by or that I feel the most responsive to is, like, the lesbian waitress from New Jersey who, with her frightened girlfriend are for the first time laying their body on the line where they’re choosing to get arrested, and what I love about them and what I’m really impressed with [...] is that they actually are approaching a wall of illusions called law, and they’re dismantling that wall for the first time in their lives. And once you cross that line you realize that these religious institutions, these public buildings, these institutions of government, you realize they’re just made of stone, or series of stones placed together. You realize that these people, especially those responsible for this epidemic, [...] are just made of blood and muscle and bones. And those buildings and those people can be dismantled just as easily as anything else, once you break through that wall of illusion called law… I have no traditional moral reaction to the idea of murder, in terms of what I was fed growing up in this society. I don’t see the slow murder of myself and the people I love as being any more acceptable or less acceptable than the murder of others in order to either protect ourselves or to take revenge. And the only thing that occurs to me in those thoughts of murder… is wondering if the planet will spin a little bit faster once these people are gone.

David Wojnarowicz monologuing in the short film Bust (1991, 15'), directed by Richard Morrison. Partial transcription and emphasis mine.

#film #video #david wojnarowicz #richard morrison #documentary #cw flashing #aids #90s #1991 #queer #flashing cw

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ottoslab · 1 year ago

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not to be extremely predictable abt the characters i ask abt but do you imagine any of the p7 are still around during or right before the future au? i know they are. Old. but i always am fond of the concept of like the old folks helping out at the camp after pn2.

Im always so very tossed up about how and If the p7 are still around during the aac timeline . But for the sake of “it would be funny if,” I will simply say they Are. (And ramble more about the thoughts ive had about a couple that might Not be and Why under a cut bc its kind of depressing)

Otto will never die and will never leave the Motherlobe much to Hollis and Truman’s dismay. The older he gets the more powerful he gets. He continues to contribute, arguably with increasing efficiency, but as each year passes he gets less and less concerned about getting caught doing things outside of the parameters of Psychonauts rules. “What are you gonna do? Fire me? Lmao” *goes back to working on his death beam that he just made because it was funny.*

I have this hc that at some point Sam makes it her mission to renovate the Lumberstack Diner as the Questionable Area? becomes more profitable over the years. And i think Compton working as a cook there would be a nice little job for him to have while in retirement. Cooking is like the one type of stress he can handle i think. Hes so so scared but in the comfort of something familiar so its less likely to cause him to start blowing things up.

Bob and Helmut deserve a nice little retirement home and I think theyre the primary residents of the Gulch (next to maybe Cassie and Compton?) They supervise (re: sometimes run into and chat with) Raz and his team who have basically taken up their own residence in the Gulch. Perks of being teammates with agent Aquato and Zanotto is that you dont have to resort to dormitories.

I’m not sure what’s up with Cassie! I don’t think she’s doing much either, probably also sticking around the Gulch. Though i think through the support of the others she at least gets Slightly more involved with the Psychonauts or going out into towns to do book signings so that she doesn’t become a complete and total recluse again.

I think Ford and Lucy are out traveling a lot while they’ve still got the time to. Making up for a whole lotta lost time n all that, giving each other time to talk and jazz. They’re not around a lot but they visit often!

Ok. And a very specific less sweet outcome for Ford and Lucy under the cut

When i run through which characters it would be like. Narratively “Best” to have passed away around the AAC timeline, my mind always immediately jumps to these two. Like obviously I think some characters would be more likely to have died before them (looking at you my friend Bob) or ones that could be more impactful in other directions (Cassie and Compton having to learn to exist without one another) but considering their last narrative experiences in Pn2 was finding each other again for the first time in years, it feels like any of those four (Bob, Helmut, Cassie, Compton) passing away would just be a disservice to prior storytelling. And Otto will never die, as I’ve said, so don’t even worry about him <3

I just think a lot about a story in which Ford and Lucy pass on before Raz can ever really reconcile any of his issues he had with either of them. A story in which he’s happy to see them getting along and traveling together, but every time they leave he holds his breath and counts down the days until they make it back and he can guarantee they’re still alive and he goes “This time, this time I’ll say something,” and then he doesn’t because how do you even bring up that conversation after all this time.

And then eventually they pass and it’s almost poetic, really, going at around the same time. But he never got to say anything to them, never got to reconcile and barely got a goodbye. And now he has to learn how to deal with that. How to deal with the fact that they’re still everywhere, in True Psychic Tales issues, on murals, on old pictures, inherently buried in the history of the psychonauts.

And i dont know. I think it’s an interesting story to explore. In a hypothetical real Psychonauts future story, you enter the story with some characters trying to question Raz about something theyre worried about that he always cuts off or dodges before you get to hear, but the lack of any mention of Ford or Lucy is so absent that it’s palpable. Stuff like that.

#psychonauts #agent aquato and co au #death mention tw #asks :0]

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lemoncrushh · 3 months ago

Text

Too Far From Texas | Chapter Twenty-Seven

STORY PAGE

Word Count: 6987

Harry stared at me, waiting for me to continue. I sat there with my mouth open, unable to speak.

“Baby...please?” He took my hands and rubbed the backs of them with his thumbs, but his eyes never left mine.

“I’m scared, Harry,” I finally admitted.

“About what?”

“That if...if I tell you the truth...how I really feel...you won’t want me anymore.”

“How could I not want you, Stacey? I mean, unless you’re gonna tell me you don’t love me-”

“No,” I shook my head. “No, I love you. I most certainly love you, Harry.”

“Then what is it, baby? Please, don’t be scared with me. Whatever it is, we can work through it together.”

I looked down at our joined hands and felt a tear drop from my eye. I felt another coming and went to wipe it, but Harry held onto me, so the tear fell on my arm. When the third dropped however, Harry let go of one of my hands and wiped my cheek with his thumb.

“Talk to me,” he urged again, his green eyes so sincere.

“I guess I...I didn’t exactly realize how we were living in a bubble until it burst.”

Harry blinked, trying to understand my words. “You mean after the paps and the press got word of you?”

“Not just that,” I shrugged. “Although that’s part of it.”

“I tried to explain, love, that’s part of who I am. It’s not going away as long as I’m...doing what I’m doing.”

“Yes, and I understand that,” I sniffled with a nod. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. It might take some getting used to, but I think I could handle it.”

“Then...I don’t get it. What’s the matter?”

I felt the tears threatening to fall again, but I blinked several times and swallowed them back. With a shaky breath, I continued.

“Do you like kids, Harry?”

Harry raised his brows. “What?”

“I mean...I know I’ve seen photos of you with kids. Some younger fans, friends’ babies. You’ve met mine and were really sweet to them. But...do you really truly like kids?”

Harry shifted his gaze away from me, then gave an incredulous nod and shrug. “Yeah. I do. Kids are great. But what does that have to do with anything?”

“I have kids, Harry. I have two. And they are everything to me.”

“Of course they are,” he agreed. “They’re wonderful, and you’re a wonderful mum.”

Letting a deep breath out through my nose, I hesitated. “I’m afraid I wasn’t completely honest before.”

“When?” asked Harry.

“When I had that heart-to-heart talk with your mother.”

Harry frowned. “The baggage comment? She told me she apologized, that she hadn’t meant it the way you took it.”

“I know,” I nodded. “At first, I was hurt by the comment. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized she was right.”

“Stacey…” he said, reaching for me, but I resisted.

“Please. Hear me out. You wanted me to talk.”

With a sigh, Harry sat back in his chair, his expression different from when we’d started the conversation. He looked worried, but also a bit perturbed.

“I agree, maybe the baggage comment was a bad choice of words,” I continued. “But what she told me later made a lot of sense to me. She mentioned how when you and your sister were young and she was single, it was important to find someone willing to accept the fact that she was a mother. My kids and me, we’re a package deal, Harry.”

“I get that,” he held out his arms as though to show defeat.

“As far as that bubble goes,” I said, “I was happy floating along in it with you. If I’m being honest, I wasn’t really worrying about my kids. That sounds shitty hearing it out loud, but it’s true. It’s not that I didn’t care, but I was being selfish. Now…”

I hesitated, trying to find the right words. Harry fidgeted in his seat.

“Now?” he asked.

“Now that the bubble has burst, I’m scared. Like I said, it’s not just you and me anymore. And it’s not just the paparazzi or Jeff or your band or any of your friends. My kids are my life, and you are my life. But I don’t know if…”

I trailed off again when I felt my body tremble. I started to sob, my shoulders shaking. I held my face in my hands, unable to look at Harry. I was afraid of his reaction. I couldn’t face him if he decided he didn’t want me anymore.

“Baby…” I heard him say. He’d leaned forward again and was rubbing my arms. “You don’t know if, what?”

“If…” I sniffed. “If I can do this. I don’t even know if...you want that part of me. I feel like...like I have two lives and…”

“Hey…” he cooed, pulling me by my waist. “C’mere.”

He pulled me onto his lap and rubbed my back, looking up at me with those sincere eyes again. Reaching behind him on the desk, he grabbed the tissue box and handed it to me. I mumbled a thanks as I took a tissue and blew my nose.

“Baby,” he said again. “You shouldn’t have to feel like you’re living two lives. I don’t want that.”

Sniffling, I kept my head down as he kissed the top of it, his arms around me making me feel safe.

“Then what do you want, Harry?” I asked quietly.

I heard him let out a short chortle before he said, “Are you serious?”

“Yes,” I replied, lifting my head with tear-stained cheeks.

“I want you. I want us.”

“On what terms?” I choked.

“What do you mean, Stacey? There are no terms.”

He appeared to be on the verge of anger now, his brows knitted and a huge scowl on his face. I felt a sourness in my stomach like I used to get when Tod was angry with me. His arms, however, remained around me and I was reminded once again he was nothing like my ex-husband.

“Remember what I told you?” he asked. “That I don’t have conditions?”

I nodded, my eyes on his chest.

“I mean that, a hundred percent. I have a crazy life; I know I do. But I also know I love you unconditionally. I’m in this for real. I want you. I want you in my life, and I wanna be in yours.”

I sighed, placing my hand on his chest and raising my gaze to his beautiful face, which had now returned to the look of sincerity, though his brows were still furrowed.

“You’re so young, Harry,” I commented.

He rolled his eyes. “Are we going back to that again? I thought we agreed, the age thing doesn’t-”

“But it does matter, Harry,” I interrupted. “It matters more than we wanted to admit. When we’re talking about our connection, our chemistry...no it doesn’t matter at all. We make perfect sense. But when we’re talking about real life…”

“This is real life, baby,” Harry insisted, his hands on my arms as his eyes burned into mine. “It’s not the ideal life perhaps, but it’s ours.”

I pursed my lips and nodded again. He just didn’t understand, and I wasn’t sure he was going to. I didn’t want to fight. And I knew that if I said what I really wanted to - what was really in my head, I’d start one. One thing I hated was when I was the reason for a quarrel. My personality made me always want to have my say, to be heard before trying to resolve a situation. But sometimes it was easier to just let it go. I’d learned that in my marriage, or perhaps in spite of it.

“I guess I’m just scared,” I repeated. It was the truth. I was scared of so much, it made me sick to my stomach.

“I know, my love,” he said softly with a sigh as he petted my hair. “But I’m here. I love you. And I believe in us. Don’t you?”

Biting my lip, I ran my hands up to his neck and pulled him closer.

“Yes,” I whispered against his mouth before placing a kiss upon it.

I wanted to believe. And because Harry believed, I felt like I should too. It broke my heart to think otherwise. So, it wasn’t really a lie, I told myself. Not really.

“Wow!” Harry whistled when I descended the stairs.

While I was finishing my hair and makeup, Harry had gotten a phone call, so he’d told me he’d meet me downstairs.

“You look delicious,” he added as I stepped up to him in the living room.

I beamed. “You said that last time.”

“Did I?” he smirked, wounding his arms around my waist, his gaze on my lips. “Can’t help if my girlfriend looks better than dessert.”

I got tingles from the sound of him saying girlfriend. It still felt new, or perhaps renew, because others were now aware of me. But I quickly came up with a witty reply to his comment.

“Good, because I might have to skip dessert if I want to fit into this dress all night.”

“All night?” Harry quipped. “I sincerely hope you don’t.”

I giggled, pinching his bicep. “You’re naughty.”

He countered with a pinch of his own on my ass. I sniffed his intoxicating cologne and told him he looked delicious too before he grabbed his keys, and we left for adventure number two.

I tried my best not to have the car ride be too filled with awkward silence. Despite my uneasiness about our previous conversation, I was determined to have a good time. I would be leaving in the morning, and I didn’t want to fly home to Texas with a heavy heart.

Harry smiled at me and asked if I wanted to choose the music. Scrolling through his phone, I found a playlist titled Dinner.

“What’s this for?” I questioned.

“What do you think?” he quirked a brow.

“Well, either it’s for dinner parties or you’ve listened to it in the car while taking other women to fancy restaurants.”

Harry let out a loud guffaw. “Or perhaps I just made it ten minutes ago.”

I glared at him before opening the playlist to see the tracks included. It was all music I liked, some of the songs I’d introduced him to like Melody Gardot, some Stevie, Adele, the beautiful songs we’d danced to on the yacht in New York, even some of his own work. All of it was on the mellow side, perfect for a romantic car ride to a romantic dinner.

I threaded my fingers through his and sat back as the music began to play through the speakers. The Buble tune was just about over when Harry turned a corner and pulled up into a circular drive, in front of a stunning building. From first glance it looked like a fancy hotel, but when we stopped and the valet walked around to Harry’s side, I soon realized it was a restaurant.

“Holy crap,” I muttered under my breath as I climbed out of the car and looked up at the building which seemed to shimmer, though I wasn’t sure how.

“What was that, love?” Harry asked with a grin when he met me on my side and reached for my hand.

“Uh...just thinking it’s a good thing I went with the blue dress,” I replied.

Most likely sensing the hesitation in my tone (Harry was good at that), he released my hand and placed his on the small of my back, leaning in to whisper in my ear.

“You’re the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen.”

I looked up at him then, his eyes dancing, and I immediately felt myself relax. With a light push of his hand, I stepped forward and smiled at the door man who greeted us before we walked into a large lobby. Again, I was reminded of a hotel, or perhaps a concert hall, complete with a staircase in the back. A second man greeted us, recognizing Harry and he pointed us to a room to the left. We were seated quickly at a table near the back and to the right. And just like clockwork, a third man switched places with the second and took our drink order.

“Wow, that was fast!” I exclaimed in awe.

Harry shrugged with a smirk. I knew he recognized it to be one of the perks of being...well, him. Never in my life had I been seated at a restaurant so quickly, let alone given the best table in the joint.

I gazed around the room the best I could, without appearing obvious. It was a gorgeous place. The tables were adorned with candles, and there was an overall candlelight-type glow in the room, yet it didn’t seem so dark I couldn’t read the menu. Something to do with the lighting, I supposed.

I perused the menu, choosing a couple things that sounded appetizing to me, but then wondered if I should just get whatever Harry was getting. I quickly laughed at myself though, dismissing the idea because it wasn’t like it was our first date, or even our first meal together. I was letting my nerves get the better of me.

“What sounds good to you?”

Lifting my eyes from the menu, I saw Harry leaning forward. I almost caught a lump in my throat. His face glowed in the candlelight, his eyes a sparkling green, his lips red as cherries. He was definitely the most beautiful creature I’d ever seen.

“Um…” I took a breath and gazed down at the list again just as the waiter returned with our cocktails.

“Are we ready to order?” he sang, his hands behind his back. I noticed he had nothing to write with or on, and I had to hold back a laugh as I recalled a stand-up bit with Ellen Degeneres about that very thing.

“Pardon me!” I coughed, taking a sip of water. I eyed Harry over my glass who came to my aid, bless his heart.

“I think we’ll both have the salmon and the mango salad,” he told the waiter.

“Ah, very good,” he bounced on his heels, took our menus and left with a smile.

“Thank you,” I said after I’d managed to get the cough subsided, but not my embarrassment.

Harry chuckled. “You okay?”

“Yes,” I waved my hand away. “Just got tickled.”

“Someone under your dress?” he quirked a brow. “Under the table?”

I laughed harder when he pretended to search for the culprit underneath the table.

“I’ve heard of ants in your pants, but…”

Suddenly, I reached over and grabbed his wrist. “Stop! I can’t breathe!”

Harry laughed with me then, seeing as he’d made me feel at ease once again. I hastily wiped the moisture from underneath my eyes before taking a few sips of my gin and tonic. He watched me with a grin as he lifted his own glass, taking a slow sip of tequila. Then he just as gradually lowered the glass, his eyes still on me.

“I love you,” he declared plainly.

I almost wished I had a tape recorder, or my phone out so I could have snapped a video of him saying it. Not that I didn’t believe it, mind you. Just the opposite in fact. I believed him with all my heart and soul. I just wished I could have captured that moment in time to hold on to forever.

“I love you, too,” I smiled.

The waiter came by again as soon as my glass had emptied with a fresh refill, even though I hadn’t ordered one. Halfway through it, however, I could tell it was already having an effect on me, so I excused myself to the ladies' room.

As I made my way back to the table, I rush came over me. As I unobtrusively scanned the room, other than a couple people who smiled, I made hardly any eye contact. No one was gawking at me, as if to wonder who the redhead having dinner with Harry Styles was. I realized then that I had been unknowingly afraid they would. Once again, I scolded myself for being so paranoid.

My dinner had arrived by the time I sat down, as had a third gin and tonic, despite the fact that I hadn’t finished the second.

“Is the waiter trying to get me drunk, or is that you?” I joked, lifting my half empty glass.

“Well, the intention was mine,” remarked Harry, raising his tequila, “but I reckon he’s helping.”

We clinked glasses as I giggled, clearly already reaping the benefits of the alcohol. Although I wasn’t looking forward to making multiple trips to the bathroom, I felt good.

Dinner was divine, both the food and the company. Harry and I continued to tease each other, both above and under the table. I had just finished my last bite of salad and was almost through my third cocktail when I noticed Harry looking just past me, his eyes focus on something over my shoulder.

“Something wrong?” I asked him, not daring to turn my head to see for myself.

He exhaled and shook his head. “No, it’s fine. Just someone with their phone out, and I can tell they’re taking pictures.”

“Oh no,” I muttered. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s always bound to happen,” Harry remarked. “I’m used to it, honestly. It would just be nice to have complete privacy for once. Just a meal to ourselves.”

I blushed at the sound of “our”, meaning he included me. It was a small thing, but it meant more to me.

“Well, we are still in public,” I commented, “even if it is an upscale restaurant.”

“Yeah,” he said quickly with his jaw set. Then he shifted his gaze back to me. “No worries. Do you want dessert?”

“Not unless you want this dress to pop off right here at this table,” I quipped.

Harry laughed, and I smiled, happy that I’d lightened the mood.

“I actually wouldn’t mind that one bit,” he wiggled his eyebrows.

“God, you’re so...what’s the word? Cheeky?”

With a smirk, that was indeed cheeky, he leaned forward. “I believe the word you’re looking for is horny.”

My face flushed as I giggled again and covered my eyes with my hand. “That too.”

I’d expected Harry to take me home after dinner, especially after that horny remark. And the way his fingertips played on my back when I rose from my chair gave me another hint. But when he led me out of the restaurant and we made it back to the large lobby area, he turned to the left and pulled me toward the massive staircase.

“Where are we going?” I asked as we climbed the steps.

“You’ll see,” he said nonchalantly. “Something I thought you might like.”

At the top of the stairs, Harry guided me through another set of doors and into a large room. I gasped when I realized what it was. Several tables were scattered throughout the room where couples and groups sipped on wine and cocktails. Along the left wall was a long bar, and in the back was a stage where a complete jazz band played. In the center was a dancefloor, more couples swaying to the old standard I recognized.

“They still have places like this?” was my immediate reaction. I had dreamed of being taken dancing at a ballroom, the scene vivid in my mind from watching so many old movies and episodes of The Golden Girls.

I felt Harry shake with a chuckle beside me as he held my hand and gave it a squeeze. The band finished the song they were playing and everyone clapped. Letting go of Harry’s hand, I applauded as well. Then just as they began the next song, Harry leaned over with his hand on my back again and whispered in my ear.

“May I have this dance?”

I realized then that his other hand was held out in front of me, awaiting mine when I accepted, which of course I did. Following him to the dancefloor, I slid my left hand up his arm and let him lead me. Despite seeing this scene unfold in many a late-night movie, I felt somewhat awkward at first, not sure how to move my feet. But Harry swiftly took the reins, pulling me to him and swaying like a tall tree in the breeze. The singer sang low, his deep voice warm like honey as he seemed to be singing just for us, the bass plucking just at the right points, the brass instruments whining to accentuate the emotions rolling through my brain and down my body.

Turning me slightly, I took a gander around the room before my eyes locked with Harry’s. He seemed to be watching me intently, waiting for my words, or perhaps trying to read them on my face.

“This is a wonderful surprise,” I finally said.

His mouth twitched as he began to smile. “I knew you’d like it. Reckoned it was better than going to a nightclub.”

I smiled. “Well, that would’ve been fun, too. But a lot more crowded.”

“No, I prefer this,” Harry commented.

“It’s very romantic,” I agreed.

“Didn’t know I had it in me, did you?” he quipped.

“No, I did.”

Harry’s eyes sparkled as he looked at me. His hand brushing my back as he held me close, I could tell he wanted to kiss me but was hesitant. We were still in public after all, and regardless of how open he wanted to be about our relationship, I suspected he was still cautious of who benefitted from getting the goods. However, we were in a half-empty ballroom, and my guess was that everyone in it was even older than I was.

The band stopped then, and Harry released me as we clapped. When they announced they would be taking five, we made our way to the bar.

As Harry handed me my gin and tonic, I made a mental note that it was cocktail number four of the evening. If we kept this up, I was going to have to pace myself if I planned to make it to the car without wobbly knees, or worse, Harry having to carry me with a sick bucket.

We sat at the bar while we nursed our drinks. I felt Harry glide his hand down my thigh to my knee, pushing up the hem of my dress. He rested his hand there, just above my knee while his fingers continued to play on my skin. I watched him as he lifted his glass to his plump lips, taking a generous sip, the rings on his fingers glistening in the candlelight. I was sure it was partially due to the effects of the alcohol, but I found every single thing about him incredibly sexy. Every movement. Every touch. I wanted him to take me home, but at the same time I was enjoying our evening out along with the anticipation.

Harry continued to flirt with me, making me laugh as well as the bartender who had begun to refer to him as “son”. When the band started up again, he lead me back to the dancefloor.

“You know what this makes me think of?” I mused, my fingers tangling in his curls that brushed his shoulders.

“Hmm?” he sounded, his eyelids heavy.

“Italy,” I replied. “Rome or Venice, some romantic film from the forties where the couples dance all night.”

“Does the man take the woman home after and ravage her?”

“They didn’t have smut in forties movies!” I scoffed. “It was only implied. It had to be classy.”

Harry chuckled, the lowered his head to nuzzle my neck, lightly brushing his lips across it.

“Anyway, I just always wanted to go there,” I said with a sigh.

“Mmm, we should go sometime,” he whispered in my ear.

“Italy in the forties?” I teased, knowing what he meant.

“No, now. Well...not right now...but…” he looked me in the eye then, “maybe after I get back from tour. We could take a holiday to Rome or Venice.”

My legs began to feel like butter at the sound of his voice and his words. Quickly, however, I was brought back to reality.

“Next trip I take will have to be with Jaz and Em,” I remarked. “I worry that I’ve spent too much time away from them as it is. And I promised them Disney World forever ago.”

“That sounds fun, too,” Harry grinned.

I must have given him a look then that made him question.

“What? I like Jaz and Em. And I certainly like Disney.”

With another sigh, I looked down at his chest and back up. “Harry…”

“Yeah?”

“Are you really prepared for that?”

“Prepare for what?” he asked incredulously.

“For...Disney World. For taking your girlfriend and her kids on vacation. For being part of that kind of life.”

Harry stared at me for a moment, seeming to conjure up the right words for his response. Truth was, I shouldn’t have asked him. I shouldn’t have had to put him in that situation where he even had to think about it. He was so young. It wasn’t fair to him.

The band finished then, giving us both a narrow escape. As the room applauded, I put my hand on his arm.

“I’m going to the ladies' room,” I said.

“Stacey…” he began, but I shook my head.

“I’ll be right back.”

As soon as I was in the stall, I locked the door and leaned my head against it. I could feel the tears coming so I just let them fall as they may, my shoulders shaking.

I hated myself. I hated myself for wanting more, when there was nothing more to get. I’d been having the most wonderful night, my last night with Harry for a long time and I had to go and ruin it. All I wanted was to enjoy our time together before I had to leave. Why did I have to make a mess of it?

I loved him. I loved him so much my heart ached. I loved him so much I was making my own heart break. I was an idiot.

I heard the bathroom door open and a woman took the stall next to mine. Hastily, I wiped my tears and blew my nose. After relieving myself, I washed my hands in the sink and touched up my lipstick.

“Oh, my dear, you looked wonderful!” exclaimed the older woman who’d stepped out of her stall.

“Excuse me?”

“On the dancefloor,” she beamed as she turned on the faucet next to me. “You and that handsome young man with his arms around you.”

“Oh,” I smiled timidly. “Thank you.”

“I was telling my husband, Steven, that it’s nice to see the young couples come out to dance. We don’t see it as often as we used to.”

I grinned wider, quickly remembering Harold and Millicent in England.

“It’s a lot of fun,” I said. “And I enjoy the music.”

“Oh yes. Now, that was my parents’ music, you know. But I grew up listening to it myself. And nothing like a live band to dance to. It’s very romantic.”

“That’s exactly what I said,” I chuckled.

“What’s his name?” the woman asked me as she dried her hands, throwing me for a loop.

“Um...Harry,” I replied.

“Are you married?”

“No, I’m-”

“Oh, there’s time yet,” she giggled. “How long have you been together?”

I bit my lip and thought for a moment. “Not long.”

“Well…” she patted my shoulder, “not to hurry things along, but that Harry’s a keeper if I do say so myself. I was watching the way he looks at you.”

My cheeks blushed pink.

“Of course,” she added, “you did your share of looking at him, too.” Then she leaned forward and whispered, “And I don’t blame you one bit!”

I laughed again as she held the bathroom door open for me. We walked back to the ballroom together where she waved over her husband, Steven and introduced us. Catching his eye at the bar, I grinned at Harry who weaved through the tables to get to us.

“Harry, this is...oh, I’m sorry, I don’t believe I got your name,” I addressed the woman.

“Joanne!” she beamed. “And this is my husband, Steven!”

Harry graciously shook both of their hands before placing his on my back once again, like a magnet snapping into place. I realized then that it was a safe place. As long as we had physical contact, I felt okay.

“And what is your name, dear?” Joanne asked me.

“Stacey.”

“Well, Stacey and Harry,” she sang, taking a hand from each of us and joining them together inside her own, “I wish you nothing but happiness!”

“Thank you,” we said in unison.

Joanne turned to her beloved Steven and they gave one last wave before leaving the ballroom. Harry raised a brow and looked at me.

“We met in the ladies' room,” I shrugged.

“You seem to be in a better mood,” he commented. “What happened in there?”

I giggled. “Nothing. She was just friendly. She said we looked wonderful dancing together. Made me feel good.”

A smile spread across Harry’s face just as the band began to play “Stardust”. I put my hand over my heart and Harry held his out for me.

“Last dance?” he asked.

I nodded, taking his hand. Once on the dancefloor, I laid my head on his shoulder, taking in a deep breath of his cologne. I could feel his heartbeat underneath my palm as I placed it on his chest, my other arm around his neck. His hands tickled my back as he ran them up and down before deciding to rest them on my waist.

“Stacey,” I heard him murmur, “about earlier…”

“Shh,” I sounded. “Forget about it.”

“But see...baby, that’s our problem. We don’t finish our thoughts. We just let them go and forget about it until something comes up again. You asked me a question.”

“Harry…” I lifted my head.

“No, let me answer,” he insisted, his face stern.

I opened my mouth, but quickly shut it. “Okay.”

“Maybe…” he began, our bodies still swaying to the music, “maybe I’m not fully prepared. Not in the way you’re asking.”

I swallowed hard, looking back down at his chest.

“But I am prepared,” he added, lifting my chin with his finger, “to love you the best I can. And whatever that includes to prove to you that I do.”

“Harry,” I said, “I don’t want you to have to prove anything to me. I know you love me.”

“Then why do I sometimes feel like you doubt me?”

I let out a deep breath. “Oh, sugar, I don’t doubt you. I do believe you. It’s just...my crazy mind being stupid and I...seriously, let’s just forget it. At least for tonight. It’s not important. All that’s important is that we have this time together now.”

“Yeah?” he asked, returning his hands to my waist.

“Mmhm. And I don’t want tonight to end. I’m having the most wonderful time with you. You’re so amazing, I feel so in love. I-”

With a slight tilt of his head, Harry interrupted me with a kiss. It was soft at first, a light touch of his lips on mine. But he soon deepened it, our lips intertwined like puzzle pieces fitting perfectly. I felt my entire body ignite when his tongue entered my mouth, and I grabbed hold of his curls on the back of his neck. The song had probably changed by then, but I barely even noticed.

“We um...should probably…” he breathed when he released my lips.

I only nodded.

The car ride home was quiet sans for the music playing at a low volume. Harry’s hand had returned to my knee, tracing non-existent patterns while he drove with the other. I began to play with his fingers and rings, making him smile. I felt chills all over from both his touch and that sexy grin. Lifting his hand, I brought his first digit to my lips. I kissed it lightly at first, then gave it a sweet kitten-like lick before putting it in my mouth. When Harry chuckled low, I shifted in my seat, so I was facing him and did the same to the second finger.

“God, that’s hot,” he groaned.

I continued my finger seduction with each remaining digit. When I made it to his thumb, he cupped my chin.

“We’re almost home, baby,” he announced. “And I’m so hard. Let’s finish this in bed.”

My mouth watered at the idea of his erection, and part of me wanted to reach over to his lap and feel it for myself, but I kept my restraint and sat back in my seat. Besides, I didn’t want to make him drive off the road, though I did giggle to myself at the thought.

“What?” he asked with a smirk.

“Nothing,” I said, my tongue grazing my top lip.

“Now who’s being cheeky?”

“You mean horny?” I teased.

Harry was nearly biting through his bottom lip by the time we pulled into his garage. I hastily unbuckled my seatbelt and hopped out of the car, not waiting for him to fully turn it off. Meeting him at the door, I watched as he unlocked it. My first instinct was to race to the stairs, but then I remembered the full art of seduction is to take one’s time.

Backing into the kitchen as he turned on the light, I leaned against the counter to remove my shoes. Dangling them from my finger by the strap, I eyed Harry who took off his jacket and draped it across a chair. With hungry eyes, he came towards me and pulled me to him.

“Shall we go upstairs?” I inquired as he stared at me. I could tell he was good at this game too.

“Mmhmm,” he nodded, his gaze never leaving mine.

Neither of us made a move, for the stairs nor anywhere else. I was about to pry myself out of his grip and make a run for it when I came to my senses. As much as I loved the idea of a sexy cat and mouse game, this night was supposed to be special. I didn’t want to get emotional right then and start crying, but this could quite possibly be...my last night with Harry. I didn’t want to think that; that we’d never see each other again in this way. But I still didn’t know what the future was going to hold for us. I wanted this night to count.

“Make love to me, Harry,” I said.

He seemed to search my face for a moment, trying to read my eyes until he simply nodded and said, “Yes.”

He guided me to the stairs, turning out the lights on his way. I took his hand again as he led me to the bedroom. He walked around the bed and opened a drawer in the nightstand and pulled out a lighter. He lit the candle there, then came back around and lit the candle on the other side.

“Is that enough?” he asked as he flipped the light switch.

I nodded, reaching behind me for the zipper of my dress.

“No, let me,” he insisted.

His amazing hands wound around my waist before they reached the zipper and pulled it down. As my dress fell to my feet, Harry leaned down and kissed my shoulder, his lips sliding up slowly to my neck. My breath caught in my throat when his soft lips met my ear and his fingers found the fastener of my bra. Pushing the straps off my shoulders, Harry let it drop next to my dress.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he growled when his hands cupped my breasts, his thumbs grazing over my already erect nipples.

Up until then I was reveling in his touch, his eagerness to undress me. But now I was needing to touch his naked skin too.

Tugging on his shirt, I unbuttoned it with determination. Harry grinned at me when I’d finished, my hands quickly roaming up his tattooed torso. Shrugging out of the sleeves, he dropped the shirt on top of my dress.

“Why does it always seem like you have on way more clothes?” I quipped as I pulled on his belt.

“To torture you, obviously,” he smirked.

I chuckled lightly as I finally got his slacks unfastened and he stepped out of his shoes. Then to give me a hand, he removed his own pants while I shimmied out of my panties.

“C’mere, baby,” he beckoned, guiding me to the bed.

The candlelight bounced off the walls as we lay together, side by side. The smell of lavender and something else I couldn’t pinpoint relaxed me, filling my senses. Harry looked into my eyes as his fingers delicately grazed my back.

“I wanna make you feel how much I love you,” he declared. “I don’t want you to ever forget.”

He kissed me then, not waiting for my response which was just as well. I probably would have said something stupid. Rolling me onto my back, he kissed me harder and deeper. I wrapped my legs around him, needing to feel him as closely as possible.

We kissed for a long time until he lifted his head and said, “I love you so much, Stacey.”

“I love you, Harry.”

Then he shifted his weight and slipped himself inside me, completely, my head reeling. I could feel him deep, so deep already. My toes curled as he pulled back and did it again, hitting that spot.

“Holy shit,” I cursed, swallowing hard when he did it a third time.

“You feel me?” he whispered.

I shut my eyes and nodded, the only response I could manage at that moment. I braced myself for another thrust, but instead, Harry began to move inside me more gently and fluidly. I opened my eyes then and saw his looking back at me. He grabbed my thigh and lifted it as he licked his lips. I held onto his arms that were on either side of my head and watched him as he fucked me.

Yes, he was making love to me, because he loved me. But he was also trying to prove something, which I didn’t mind at all. He was an astounding lover, and we both knew it.

When he sped up his movements, I could feel myself getting close to the edge. A moan escaped my lips which only seemed to fuel him. He held my hands down as he kissed me hard, his hips pumping. I moaned again into his mouth before he made his way down my neck.

He pulled out for a little bit, only to bring his lips to my breasts, his tongue swirling over my nipples. I bucked my hips, needing to feel the friction again. Harry sensed my discomfort and chuckled under his breath.

“Missing something, baby?” he teased, gliding his finger across my slit.

“Please,” I begged.

“You want my finger? Or my mouth?”

“Neither,” I shook my head.

Harry raised his brows. “Really? Nothing?”

“Just you,” I whined, reaching for his hips.

With another cheeky laugh, he returned to his post. “God, you’re so sexy,” he said as he took hold of my thighs.

He slid in with ease again, only this time he was the one who shut his eyes. He stalled for a moment before letting a breath out through his nose. Then he began to find a steady rhythm, gliding in and out. Just as I reached the same point I’d reached earlier, his face began to change. He let out a deep groan, and I knew he was close too.

“Harry…” I breathed.

I locked my legs around him again so that he only had a small area of movement to make. He moaned in my ear, and I thought I would come undone.

“Oh my God!” I screamed.

“Fuck yeah, baby, I’m so close.”

We came together after a few more thrusts, my legs shaking and my entire body on fire. With a delicate whine and a final breath of exhaustion, Harry collapsed on top of me.

“Wow,” he breathed. “That was...amazing.”

“Mmhmm.”

“It felt...different,” he added.

I froze. “Um...bad different?”

“Fuck no. Just...different somehow.” He lifted his head to look at me. “Did it to you?”

I chewed on the inside of my lip. “Um... I guess so.”

“Maybe because...you’re leaving.”

“Maybe so.”

He rolled off of me then and onto his pillow. We both stared at the ceiling, catching our breath and watching the flicker of the candles dancing.

“Harry, I’m gonna miss you so-”

“Shh!” he interrupted. “Don’t say it. Not right now. Please.”

I turned my head to look at him. He continued his focus on the ceiling. My eyes began to water, and I blamed it on my fatigue. But when I began to tremble and I sniffled a few times, I couldn’t deny it anymore.

“Hey,” Harry cooed, turning onto his side and taking me in his arms. “Shhh. Don’t cry, baby. It’ll be okay.”

I buried my face in his chest as he soothed me, rubbing my back.

“I love you, Stacey,” he declared with a promise underneath. “We’ll be fine.”

I believed him when he said he loved me. It was the other part I wasn’t so sure about.

MASTERLIST | KO-FI | FEEDBACK | PATREON

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