#i gotta wait til i get home bc I have it on my tablet

[killjoy-prince]

Huh, I've reached a point where I'm in the mood to play star rail

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from the Lost Tomb, part 4

Wu Family Chat

Wu Erbai: Good evening, everyone. I have a time-sensitive issue to discuss, I will need your attention for a moment.

Wu Xie: uncle, whatever you heard, I can explain.

Wu San Xing: brother, whatever you heard, I won’t explain.

Panzi: pls hush you two:/ this sounds important

Wu Erbai: Yes, thank you Panzi. Wait. What are you doing on this chat?

Panzi: I apologize, sir, I—

Wu San Xing: fuck off posh spice if panzi leaves I leave

Wu Erbai: Yes. You are quite well-practiced at doing that.

Wang Pangzi: LMAO GET REKT

Wu Erbai: Why on earth are—you know what, it doesn’t matter. Of course you’re here. I assume Zhang Qiling is also here?

Zhang Qiling: Incorrect. I am on the roof.

Wu Erbai: …

Wu Erbai: Anyway. I would like to let you all know that there has been an incident at the warehouse. Please do not spread this around, it sounds like the issue can be contained. I am on the way there now. All is technically well, but it would be appreciated if anyone who is free to help right now could come to the warehouse. Immediately. Armed.

Wu Xie: !!! armed you say?? What kind of incident??

Zhang Qiling: Wu Xie, NO.

Wu San Xing: I can’t come I’m busy practicing leaving

Panzi: We will be there right away, sir. What is the situation?

Wu San Xing: love to see you taking charge;)

Wu Erbai: I am choosing to ignore that in favor of dealing with this lesser problem in my life. A certain box has exploded in a certain room at the warehouse, Panzi. Certain things have…emerged.

Panzi: We will be prepared, sir. ETA 20 minutes.

Wu San Xing: what would help us prepare is if you could be a little more vague pls

Wu Xie: Emerged?? So these are sentient things?? :D

Wang Pangzi: UGGHH DAMN IT I LITERALLY JUST GOT DINNER OUT OF THE OVEN FML…WELP XIAO GE COME ON DOWN WE GOTTA GO DO A THING, SOUNDS LIKE OUR IDIOT IS GONNA GET INVOLVED REGARDLESS OF OUR WISHES, BIG FUCKING SURPRISE THERE

Wu Erbai: Your eager assistance is so appreciated. Pangzi and Zhang Qiling—I’m sending you the basic access codes, Panzi already has them. Wu Xie, I would prefer for you to stay in the car and maintain a command center.

Wu Xie: uh sure I will:) of course:)

Wu Erbai: That’s two smiley faces too many for me to trust that you will listen.

Wu Xie: :(

Zhang Qiling: Wu Xie, may I speak to you privately. In the kitchen. Now.

Wang Pangzi: OH SHIT LOL WHATS THE VERSION OF BEING EXILED TO THE COUCH WHEN ONE OF YOU ALREADY SLEEPS ON THE ROOF HALF THE TIME

Wu Erbai: Not that this isn’t fascinating insight into what I’m sure is a very pleasant bosom friendship between our families, but time is of the essence here, gentlemen. I’m five minutes out from the warehouse and I’ve just been informed that the things have…spread out.

Wu San Xing: Ah thanks for clearing that up so well good thing we are going in well informed and all

Zhang Qiling: I’m not sure that you have the high ground on keeping people informed about important things.

Wu Erbai: Wonderful riposte, Zhang Qiling, or should I call you Xiao Ge?

Zhang Qiling: No.

Wang Pangzi: THE TEA IS EXCEPTIONALLY HOT THIS FINE EVENING

GOTTA GO NOW, ME AND THOSE BOSOM FRIENDS HAVE TO GET OUR GEAR.

Three hours later….

unnamed chat:

Zhang Qiling: Don’t ever do that again.

Wu San Xing: ?

Zhang Qiling: You were aware of what you were doing. Whether or not you calculated the potential danger to the rest of us, I don’t know. But don’t ever do that again.

Wu San Xing: or what tho

Zhang Qiling: I’m fond of Panzi and I don’t want to have to kill him to get to you. It would be a waste of a good man.

Wu San Xing: shit dude alright

Wu Family Chat:

Wu Erbai: Good work tonight, everyone. With the exception of a surely accidental misstep where my brother *seemed* to be bargaining for something with a tomb ghost and *accidentally* endangered all our lives, it was well-handled. You will see the funds in your accounts tomorrow.

Wu San Xing: ugh when are ppl gonna get over this already

Panzi: Thank you, sir. We will be going straight home.

Wang Pangzi: IF I SEE YOU AGAIN YOU FUCKING FUCKER

Wu Xie: calm down Pangzi we don’t even know what that tablet said

Wang Pangzi: PEOPLE WHO HAPPILY SKIP INTO COMBAT SITUATIONS WITHOUT BACKUP DONT GET A VOTE ON THIS

YOU SHOULD ALWAYS TRUST XIAOGE’S ANGRY CAT FACE

Panzi: Wu Erbai, Wu Xie, Pangzi, Xiao Ge—lovely to see all of you, even under circumstances such as tonight’s warehouse fight.

Wu Xie: *hugs* <3

Wu Erbai: Panzi, San Xing—it was indeed an experience, having the two of you here. Panzi is welcome back anytime.

Two hours later…

Zhang and Wu Chat

Wu Xie: hey, you didn’t say anything to my uncle right? He’s being all weird and apologetic over text.

Zhang Qiling: You were there, you could see I did not speak to him at all during the evening.

Wu Xie: good point sorry. anyway how much trouble am I in? Bc like I know, I know, I touched the box right after you said “Wu Xie, don’t touch that box,” but in my defense it looked so interesting and it had the Zhang crest on it, I really wanted to explore it further and I didn’t realize it had a tripwire, I actually think it dates back to—

Zhang Qiling: Sometimes I worry that the Zhang family is destined to only ever bring you harm.

Wu Xie: ??????ZHANG QILING>:(

Zhang Qiling: Apologies, I’m feeling introspective this evening. It may be Pangzi’s cocktail.

Wu Xie: uh-huh. get off the goddamn roof and come hang out on the couch. No more vodka for you. I have your favorite fuzzy blanket and a book I’m reading. I know you like cuddling when I read aloud.

“Bring me harm” psshh wait til Pangzi hears about this. get down here.

Zhang Qiling: I will always come for you.

Wu Xie: see you say stuff like that and then you expect me to *not* pounce on you???