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rosyredlipstick · 4 years

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guess who watched high school musical 2 and got caught up in the ryan/chad of it all: a conchell AU

this is pure 100% cheese. thats ur warning. also unbeta-ed.

Spending the entire summer at their mother’s golf resort had sounded like a dream for exactly 3 seconds, until Mitchell remembered the…. Everything about his siblings.

When he wasn’t pulling Sebastian away from flirting with all their guests and the entire staff, he was lecturing Scarlett and Drew about taking advantage of the concierge service, making sure Stefan and Valentina weren’t spending too much time in the sun and were definitely drinking virgin cocktails, reigning in Lacey and Sophia’s pranks, and making sure Sabrina was happy in her first summer enrolled in the youth program. Oh, and he was choreographing a major number for the end of summer talent show. So. Full plate.

Still, it was nice he had convinced Will to come along for the summer. While he was one of Mitchell’s official guests, he had quickly befriended the entire young staff in the kitchens and by the poolside. More than often, when they were on their walks around the resort, Will would no doubt be called out to or greeted by grinning teens in red and white polos.

Mitchell, used to his friend’s sunflower attraction toward attention, smiled knowingly and let it happen without a complaint. At least Will was enjoying himself--he’d been way too stressed about his pre-med program the last few months and, with Mitchell spending most of his time at the resort trying to rein in his power-drunk sibling, he was glad his friend wasn’t spending the summer alone at the poolside.

Of course, with all his new acquaintances, that also meant that Will’s tendency to interfere with Mitchell’s personal relationships appeared.

“I’m telling you, you need to hang out with friends more, you’ve been busy all summer!” Will was smiling brightly. “This is the perfect opportunity!”

“Yes, the perfect opportunity to intrude on a social gathering!” Mitchell protested, “It’ll be weird if I go. You should just go and have fun, don’t worry about me.” Mitchell sighed, “I don’t want them to be uncomfortable! This is their down time, I don’t want to ruin it by being the boss’s kid.”

Will rolled his eyes, “It’s a baseball game, Mitchell.”

Mitchell shook his head, final. “Sorry. But I don’t think so. Text me afterward, okay? We can grab ice cream.” Will said nothing. He peeked a look back to the other boy, “Unless there’s something else?”

Will sighed and looked off to the side as his cheeks colored. “Okay, listen, of course I really want you there because you’re my best friend and everything but also -”

“There’s a guy.” Mitchell guessed, bored. Will found the love of his life at least once a week. “Who is he?”

Will didn’t even put up a fight. “I’m not sure if you know him. He works in the coffee shop? Pale, dark hair, sharpest cheekbones I’ve ever seen?”

Mitchell thought for a second, “Nico?” He guessed. Nico, for the past few months, has consistently served him the best caramel macchiato he’d ever had every morning. Mitchell dreamt about that drink, on especially good nights.

Will melted into a dreamy mess. “Yeah. Nico.”

Mitchell blew a puff of hair up into the hair around his face, “I mean…” He grimaced, “If you need a wingman or something -”

“Yes!” Will was already celebrating, “Thank the gods, thank you! I mean, I think you’ll enjoy yourself at the game and everyone’s really cool, but yes! Okay, if you could just like, set up a really good opportunity for me and Nico to be together like, alone, I’d so appreciate it -”

Will continued to ramble about the perfect situation Mitchell could set up, including the ideal mood lighting, when Mitchell interrupted him.

"Is Percy okay?" Percy had just rushed by, looking upset, and hopped in his mother’s car without a word to either of them--odd, as he usually offered at least a hey guys! If not a full on conversation that left Mitchell feeling like a better person for having it. It was kind of his thing.

"Oh, he's in turmoil because he feels like he has to choose between swimming or singing with Annabeth at the talent show and he doesn’t know which to choose."

“Oh.”

Will wrinkled his nose, “Yeah, he’s kinda got his own thing going on right now. I saw him dancing by himself in the golf course earlier, but I thought I’d just give him some space.”

“Smart,” Mitchell commented, growing a bit uneasy as they approached the field. There was a crowd already assembled there with a smaller circle throwing a baseball back and forth. As they approached, a few people called out to Will in excitement but it wasn’t until they were faced with a smaller inner group of people that Mitchell was addressed.

A tall, smirking guy with wild curls was the first to greet him, lightly tossing a baseball into his own mit as he spoke. “Brought a friend, Will?”

Will smiled brightly. “Yeah! This is Mitchell.”

“Trust me, I know who Mitchell is.” His humor-filled gaze flickered to Mitchell himself. “Nice to finally meet you.”

Mitchell’s cheeks heated. “You know me?”

Travis let out a small disbelieving laugh. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.” Travis elbowed the guy at his side, who shared similar curls and features. “And this is my brother, Connor.”

“Hello, I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced.” Mitchell held out his hand with a smile. “I’m Mitchell. You’re on the staff, here?”

Despite the incredibly stupid question Mitchell just asked considering Connor’s bright red LIFEGUARD tank top he still wore, Connor was kind enough to nod along with Mitchell’s obvious question, his eyes wide. Mitchell’s hand, still extended out to him, wobbled in the air.

He was a second away from dropping his arm and shaking it off completely when Connor seemed to realize that he was waiting for a handshake in the first place and nearly dived for it. In his haste, he almost completely tripped over himself and onto Mitchell.

“Oh, well,” Mitchell caught him before he could take them both down on the dirt field. “Are you okay? Is it too hot or something?” Connor’s face was strangely pale compared to his brother’s, despite the mid-afternoon summer sun. Mitchell resisted the urge to reach out and touch his skin for sun stroke.

“So hot,” Connor whispered, in his arms. Mitchell stared down at him in concern.

A girl--Katie, maybe--came up beside him and physically took Connor out of his arms, a tight smile on her lips. “This is nothing, he’s just dehydrated.”

“More like thirsty.” A girl across from them muttered.

Katie continued on like no one said anything. “Let’s get some water in you, dude.”

Will was smiling on like this interaction was completely normal. “So anyway I was wondering if Mitchell could join our game?”

“Hmm, well this is an employee-only game.” Despite his words, the light tease in Travis’s voice kept Mitchell from getting nervous about the whole situation. “But it does raise the stakes.”

That Mitchell could work with. His lips stretched out into a wide grin. “Yeah? What were you thinking?”

Travis clicked his tongue, “How do you feel about being Captain? I take one team, you take the other.”

He thought it over then nodded. “That sounds fair. What’s the prize?”

Travis shrugged, messing with the baseball in his mit as he spoke. “Any ideas?”

Mitchell pretended to think, already knowing what he wanted. With a group this size, his choreo could really expand into something great. “If you lose, you guys have to join my dance group for the talent show.”

“Hmm,” Travis looked to the girl at his side--Phoebe, he thought, another lifeguard. She once helped him with Sabrina’s floaties. “We’ll consider that. Guys?” The circle of employees gathered a bit closer to talk it over. Will shot him an excited look.

Suddenly, in the midst of their talking it over, Connor burst from the huddle and pushed his way over to Mitchell. “I’ll give you fifty dollars if you let me on your dance team.”

“Wait, no -” Travis grabbed his shoulders from behind to push him back, “Connor, we’re trying to negotiate with him!”

“Oh,” Connor nodded seriously and turned back to where Mitchell was waiting, amused. “I’ll pay two hundred -”

Katie slapped a hand over his mouth and dragged him back to the crowd, him protesting all the way. Travis looked back to Mitchell, tired. “Just ignore him, please.”

Mitchell watched him sink back into the crowd, something small curled at his lips. “I don’t think I can.”

“Anyway,” Katie was the one to speak now. “We talked it over, that sounds fine. If we lose, we’ll be in your show.”

Mitchell had to resist punching the air in excitement. “Great.”

Travis leaned back with his arms crossed, looking him over. “And what do we get if we win?”

“Well, what do you want?”

“Dinner and a movie,” Connor choked out, almost like he didn’t mean to.

Mitchell raised an eyebrow, “An catered employee afternoon in the movie theatre?” He thought it over, then shrugged. “I could probably arrange that.”

Travis rubbed at his forehead, “I - sure. Yeah, that sounds fun.”

“Alright,” Mitchell smiled with a small shrug of his shoulders. “I guess it’s game on, then.”

...

Of course, against a batch of peers who had been playing baseball all summer, Mitchell was bound to lose. However, they didn’t lose as hard as he expected.

After the match, when Mitchell was left aching from the game and loss but proud despite it, Will sunk down next to him at the picnic table. “Good game. I didn’t think you’d get so into it.”

At the last moment, Mitchell had ended up diving for a ball, completely dirting up his outfit. He had caught it, and it had counted, but two players had already made it home in the meantime. Still, it was a close loss.

Mitchell smiled slightly. “Me neither. But it was worth a shot at a full dance group.”

Will laughed softly, “Still. Great catch.”

“It really was.” They both looked up at the new voice--Katie, from before. She’d been on Travis’s team with Connor, Jason, Leo, Annabeth and a few others. The rest of the group was mostly dispersed by now, most of them arranging rides home or plans to grab food. “We haven’t had a game that fun in a while.”

At her arrival, Will stood and offered her his seat. Which was kind, but also definitely just a ploy to escape and run off wherever Nico was lurking. Mitchell waved him off with a roll of his eyes before returning back to the conversation. Katie took his place without a word.

“Well, I’m happy to help. It was a good time, you guys work well together.” Mitchell shot her a knowing grin. “I’ll start working out the theatre rental. Any movie requests?”

She shrugged, “We can take a vote on it. But we’ve also been talking.” Katie had an amused twinkle in her eye. “We’re in. We’ll still do your show, it sounds fun.”

Mitchell sat up completely, a bolt of excitement hitting him. “Wait, really?” At her nod, he absolutely lit up. “Oh my god, it’s gonna be such a fun show, I promise!” He got to his feet in excitement and threw his arms around her shoulders in a hug, pulling away promptly. “Oh my god, wait, I’m covered in dirt I’m so sorry -”

She waved it off but stood herself. She, too, was covered in dirt from the game so didn’t seem to care much at any additional.

He couldn’t help but babble on. “It’s going to be so much fun. You won’t regret it.”

She smiled at him, looking like she was indulging him. “I know. Anyway, just a moment,” She disappeared for a few moments only to return, dragging Connor by the wrist. She pushed him toward Mitchell, almost bumping them into each other. “Connor will be your contact point for organizing this. Trade numbers, will you? For planning.”

“Oh, sure!” Mitchell fumbled to get his phone out and hand it over. Connor’s phone appeared under his hand faster than he thought possible.

Katie left them alone as he punched in his own phone and name, drifting back to where Travis and a few others were waiting. He handed back Connor’s phone, suddenly closer to the other boy than he had realized. He paused.

“You have grass in your hair.” Connor breathed out.

“Oh,” Mitchell dipped his head in embarrassment and rubbed at his head. “Oops.”

“I -” Connor gestured to his own temple. “Other side?”

He tried but Connor only stepped forward slightly into his space, reaching out slowly. “Let me -” Mitchell felt a slight pull on his hair, not painful. Connor pulled away with a blade of grass in between two fingers.

“Got it,” Connor said weakly, staring down at him.

“My hero,” Mitchell teased. Connor nodded gravely at that, like he was accepting a mission.

Connor licked his lips before he spoke. “That was a really good catch. You’re a good player.”

“Baseball’s just a dance of its own.” Mitchell shrugged, joking. “What can I say? I’m just that much of a star athlete.” Connor nodded, looking like he completely agreed.

Before either of them could say anything further, Will called out to him and ran their way, grinning, with another guy at his side. “I heard the news! They’re still doing the show, that’s great!” Will was glowing, “See, coming to this was a great idea!”

Mitchell stuck out his tongue, “You just wanted to brag that you were right.”

“No!” Will looked behind where he had ran from and lit up, “Actually, I wanted to introduce you to Nico!”

Nico, who trailed after him a few steps, walked up beside Will with a sarcastic roll of his eyes. Mitchell liked him already. “Next time you’re going to run off mid-conversation, can you at least give me a warning first? I’ll die before I jog after you in jeans.”

“You’re the one who wore jeans to a baseball game!”

“And why not? You think I’m gonna participate in this?”

“Well, you’re an employee at an employee baseball game. Perhaps I thought you were going to play.”

“Where would you get that idea? Have you not seen the everything about me?”

“Hi, I’m Mitchell.” He stuck out his hand with a grin. He could sit here all day, truly, but he did have things to do. “You’re Nico?”

“That’s me.” He raised an eyebrow. “You look familiar.

“Mitchell is one of Aphrodite’s kids. He’s a good one, don’t worry.” Will explained, shooting Mitchell a wince like he didn’t know exactly how his siblings were.

Mitchell snorted, “On behalf of Drew and Scarlett, I can’t apologize enough.”

“That… helps.” Nico winced. “I messed up Drew’s chai latte my first day on the job.”

Mitchell groaned, “Again, I’m so sorry. I’ve been trying to get them to act like, you know, normal people -”

Nico cut him off. “We work at a golf club. I get more cranky boomers in an hour than an AARP meeting.” Nico shook his head, “They’re a lot, but definitely not the worst customers to have. At least they tip well.”

He could have wilted in relief. Across from him, Will’s eyes were nearly hearts. God, he was already lovesick.

Which reminded him --

“Actually, Connor and I were just leaving. We’ll leave you two be.” Mitchell lightly grabbed Connor’s elbow to start steering him away. “Will, can you get a ride home? I’m probably going to be staying late.”

Next to him, Nico perked up. “Oh, I can give you a ride? If you want? I’ll have to pick up my older sister but, um, it’s not that out of the way -”

“I would love to.” Will looked perfectly composed, despite the screaming excitement that must be running through his head. He even managed to grab onto Nico’s hand as he led them away toward the parking lot.

“Young love,” Mitchell commented, shaking his head fondly as the other couple walked off. “Must be nice.” He stepped back and dropped his hand from Connor’s elbow. “Oh, sorry!” He laughed lightly. “Sorry, I was recruited as Will’s wingman and I wanted to give them some time alone. Cute, right?”

Connor’s throat bobbled. “So cute. Um,” Connor made a jerky movement, like he was gonna run his hand through his hair but decided not to. “So you’re, uh, staying late?”

“Yeah,” He blew some air up into the hair hanging over his face. “If you guys are gonna join the number, I want to have the choreo adjusted for a group before we start rehearsals.”

“Cool, cool.” Connor nodded slowly, “Cool.”

Now that he was closer, Mitchell could almost recognize Connor from his many shifts poolside. His lifeguard chair was almost right across from where Valentina would occasionally drag him to tan in the afternoon sun. Didn’t he once help Mitchell apply sunscreen, when Valentina ran to get slushies right when he was reapplying?

His hands were cold, Mitchell remembered, or maybe his own skin was just that hot. He shivered when Connor applied the first handful of cream on his back. Mitchell had to advise Connor to take some of the sunscreen himself, after his own skin started to stain red.

He was kind, was the point. Or at least, that’s what Mitchell remembered.

Mitchell gestured at his parked golf cart as they approached it. “You want a ride anywhere? I’m heading toward the main pavilion.”

Something wobbled in Connor’s expression before he spoke. “I could, um, go with you?” He said it as a question, looking slightly nervous as he spoke.

“Yeah, sure! The employee entrance? Did you forget something?”

“No, no, like -” Connor made another awkward gesture toward nothing. “Like, if you need help with the number? I could come? I mean, it’s never too early to get started on learning the dance, right?”

Mitchell smiled, “Oh, sure! Do you have experience with dance routines?”

Connor nodded confidently. “Yes.”

“Really?” Mitchell turned to him in excitement. “Have you been in any dance groups before?”

“Um. No.”

“Oh, so like private lessons or something? A club?”

“Uh. No again.” His confidence was fully wavering now.

Mitchell raised his eyebrows, “So what experience do you have?”

“I sometimes dance in my room?” Connor scratched at the back of his head. “I, um. I didn’t think you’d ask many questions, actually.”

Despite his awkwardness, Mitchell was… charmed by Connor’s fumbling.

“Um,” Mitchell bit his smiling lip, looking away then back. “Actually, I was supposed to get ice cream with Will after the game.”

Connor deflated before he could finish. “Oh. Okay, yeah.”

“No!” Mitchell was quick to correct. “I meant like, with Will going off with Nico, I still want to get it. With you. If that’s okay?”

Connor’s expression bloomed into something so joyful, Mitchell was almost taken back. “I would… adore that.”

“Adore?” Mitchell couldn’t help but tease. “Why’s that?”

“I just,” He turned to Mitchell, his eyes wide. “I just really, really like ice cream.”

Mitchell bit his lip, “Me too. I mean, I really like ice cream. Ice cream is… sweet.”

Connor huffed out a small laugh, “Yeah. I, uh, agree.” He made an awkward little motion with his arm at the golf cart. “Um, shall we go?”

Mitchell stepped forward and looped his arm with Connor’s. “Actually, I thought we could walk?”

“I will do literally anything you want.”

Mitchell laughed, “I’ll hold you to that.”

To Mitchell’s amusement, Connor’s face turned a dark, dark red. He looked away, his lips pressed together in a small excited smile. Perhaps the baseball game hasn’t been such a bad idea.

#conchell #connor stoll #mitchell #my fic #rosy writes

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spnfanficpond · 4 years

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Pond Diving - Katelynw93

Welcome to today’s Pond Diving Spotlight! We hope that you enjoy this little insight to our members and perhaps even find some useful tips for your own writing. Happy reading!

Want to volunteer, send us an ask! We’re looking forward to learning more about all of you! Not sure what PD is, you can learn more here.

“Don’t Be Koi About It” - All About You

Name: Katelyn, but most people call me Kate, Katie or sometimes even Kat.

Age: 27

Location: Originally from Kansas, but have been located in Upstate NY for the last six years.

URL: @katelynw93

Why did you choose your URL: It’s usually the username that I use for everything and if I’m being honest, I’m not very creative when it comes to titles or names. Lol. I’ve been meaning to change it; I just need to decide on what.

What inspired you to become a writer: Well, when I was in middle school (maybe seventh or eighth grade), my best friend and I decided to write a story together and post it on a fanfiction site (Can’t remember the site name, though.) And I just loved it. We never did finish that story. Lol. But eventually I started branching out and found some roleplay writing sites.

How long have you been writing: Started writing in middle school (2006/2007), but really got into it in 2009 with RP. However, September of this year (2020) was the first year I started really writing fics by myself and opening posting them.

What do you do when you are not writing i.e. Job/Hobbies etc? I work a lot, usually an average of 40+ hours a week; I am a manager at a popular food chain restaurant and on the weekends, a cashier at a gas station to provide a little extra cash for my family. When I’m not working, my time is spent with my two kids; Alekzander (Zander) who just turned five this past November and Lincoln (Link) who will be two in February. Outside of work and my family, I’m usually writing. Sometimes if I’m feeling extra creative or inspired, I’ll create a few crackships for couples I really enjoy. Lol.

How long have you been in the SPN Fandom? I actually found Supernatural around the same time I started writing, so back in ninth grade, so 2008/2009. It was honestly an accident too, because I was searching for Smallville episodes (I have an unhealthy addiction to Superman and DC/Marvel.) and stumbled upon an ad for Supernatural. Was instantly intrigued and fell in love. Seasons 1 - 5 (the Kripke era) are my favorite.

Are you in any other fandoms and do you write for them? Oh yea, I love TV shows and movies, and as I’ve already stated above, I love DC and Marvel. I’ve also written for Grey’s Anatomy and am willing to write for more, but SPN, DC and Grey��s are currently the only ones I’ve written for. I love The Vampire Diaries, One Tree Hill, Private Practice, Station 19, 9-1-1, Game of Thrones, The Witcher, Merlin, Dexter, Psych, and so, so many more. There are too many to list. Lol.

Do you do any writing outside of fanfiction? If so, tell us about it? Other than RPing, not really. I mean, I did try to do an original story with my friend when I was younger, but it never went anywhere. But I am willing to try someday.

Favorite published author: Other than the really big authors like; J.K. Rowling, George R.R. Martin, Jim Butcher, Nicholas Sparks, Suszanne Collins, I really like (and maybe it’s cliche) Stephenie Meyer. The Twilight Saga made me fall in love with reading and eventually, that love led me to writing. Those books hold a special place in my heart.

Have you ever read a book that made an impact on your life? Which one and why?: Well, I guess I sort of answered that one already. But there truly are so many amazing books out there and still so many more to discover.

Favorite genre of fanfic (smut, angst, fluff, crack, rpf, etc): Oh man, I’m not gonna lie, a majority of what I read is probably smut. But I am particularly fond of angst. I want you to make me cry. Really dig and stab into my emotions. Lol. And then come back in with some fluff. Haha.

Favorite piece of your own writing: Well, that would have to be Sweet Cherry Pie because it was really the first piece I’ve ever finished and published online. It was inspired by an RP that I am currently involved in and they are my favorite couple in said RP. It got so much positive feedback after I shared it that it inspired me to keep writing. I was so nervous about posting it, but I am glad I did.

Most underrated fic you have written: Oh I’m not sure. Maybe Love Bites. I am a sucker for Supernatural and The Vampire Diaries crossovers. I really loved writing this fic and am eager to write more.

Story of yours that you’d most like to see turned into a movie/tv show: Oh damn, um, it’d be cool to see any of them like that. But maybe Sweet Cherry Pie or Out of the Fire (my firefighter!Dean series).

Favorite Tumblr Writer(s): There are so many, but I usually find myself reading work from; @impala-dreamer, @katehuntington @deanwanddamons, @muchamusedaboutnothing.

Favorite Fic from another writer: This one is tough because there are so many amazing fics out there, especially ones that I adddddore; but if forced to choose, one story that will always stick with me would have to be Treacherous by @idkhaylijah OR The Sullivan Series by Kate Huntington

Favorite character to write: Dean Winchester. I adore Dean and he’s probably the easiest for me to write. I have written the most fics with him and I portray him often in the RPs that I do.

Favorite Pairing to write: Dean with anyone, but my favorite would be Dean x Caroline.

Least favorite character to write (and why): That’s a tough one, cause there’s not really any that I’m uncomfortable with or dislike writing. Maybe characters with accents, because I don’t really know how to capture that in writing yet? I’m pretty open with my writing and am willing to try mostly anything.

Do you have anyone you consider a mentor? Oh definitely. When I first started RPing, there was another girl (Jocelyn) that I used to write with and she influenced a lot of my writing. She was older than me and had more experience and gave me a lot of tips on how to get better. She is an amazing writer and had the potential of going far with it, but life happens and unfortunately, she doesn’t write anymore. But she is booming on Youtube, so that’s pretty impressive. It’s pretty cool to see how far she’s come.

Do you have any aspirations involving your writing? I used to want to be a journalist when I was younger, but other than that, not really. I just want to have fun with it and write something meaningful for someone, and always improve and get better.

How many work-in-progress stories do you have: I have a few ideas jotted down, maybe ten, but I haven’t actually started any of them. I have so many bingo cards I need to finish, but with my work schedule, it’s been pretty crazy.

What are you currently working on? My main project is Out of the Fire.

“Pond Diving” - All About The Writing

What/who has had the biggest influence on your writing? Definitely the RPing that I’ve done and am currently doing. My friend Alesha has been the longest RP partner that I’ve had and her writing is phenomenal - and it helps a lot too when your mind's work in similar ways; her and I always seem to be on the same wavelength when it comes to writing. I love it. But like me, she has a very busy schedule and writing is limited.

Best writing advice you've been given: Have fun with it, write what you want to write and always be open to helpful criticism. And don’t stress about it, either. Write in your own time. It’s meant to be fun, not stressful.

Biggest obstacle you’ve faced in your writing: Just finding the time to write and getting over being so self conscious about my writing. I don’t let anyone in my real life read what I write.

What aspects of writing do you find difficult when you write fanfiction? Just capturing the personalities of the canon characters sometimes; if it’s a character I’m not used to writing, I worry about portraying them the right way. And I have trouble individualizing the characters (separating them from myself/my own personality), like when I create an OC for an RP, sometimes when I have too many, their personalities all become the same in ways (if that makes sense?). And accents. I have trouble with accents. Oh, and fight/action scenes. They take me a bit.

Is there anything you want to write but are afraid to (and why): I am always going to be afraid, no matter what it is that I’m writing, because I worry about it succeeding. I want to write for other fandoms though, I guess, but like I said, I worry about capturing the characters right and having a decent storyline that is unique.

What inspires/motivates you to write: Honestly, positive feedback. I love hearing what people think about my writing and it motivates me to continue.

How do you deal with self-doubt: That’s a tough one. I guess I just look towards my writing friends or beta’s for reassurance or I go back and read the positive comments and likes on the fics I’ve already shared. It encourages me to continue.

How do you deal with writer's block: I usually listen to music and I’ll look up gifs of my favorite characters, create stories in my head with those gifs or I’ll create gif sets of specific scenes. If that doesn’t work, I’ll take a break and watch one of my favorite TV shows for inspiration.

Do you plan/outline your story before you start: For my RPs, I have a group chat with those I’m writing with and we usually shoot ideas back and forth, but mostly we wing it. For my fics, I normally just wing it, but with Out of the Fire, I have a rough idea of what I want from each part. With that said, my ideas or plans often change as I’m writing. These characters have a mind of their own sometimes. Lol.

Do you have any weird writing habits: I don’t know about any weird habits, but I always have music on and I guess I have to do it in spurts. I’ll write a few paragraphs or sentences, pause and scroll tumblr or facebook or gifs, and then go back, reread what I wrote and then write a few more. Rise and repeat.

Have you ever received hateful comments on your fic and how do you deal with it? So far, no I haven’t, and I hope I don’t ever have to deal with that. But I know it’s bound to happen. I guess if I were to ever encounter that, I’d like to say that I’ll take it as a learning experience but I honestly don’t know I’d feel about that.

Conversely: what’s been some of your favorite feedback on your fanfic? Oh man, I guess my favorite would have to be ellewritesfix05 reaction to the secret santa fic I wrote for her; Dean Fucking Winchester. And all the positive feedback I’ve gotten for Out of the Fire.

If you could give one piece of advice to a new and/or struggling writer, what would it be? Have fun with it. Write what you want and what you’re comfortable with. Don’t be afraid of constructive criticism and most importantly, don’t stress. Writing is fun.

#pond diving #pond diving: katelynw93 #spnfanficpond

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becky69lu · 5 years

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Ed Edd n Eddy Music Taste Headcanons

Last night me and my friend came up with ideas of what the kids from Ed Edd n Eddy would listen to for music. And I thought I’d share with you all :) (You’re free to disagree but this is what I think the characters would like)

Ed: This guy would definitely be into soundtracks. Video games, horror movies, etc. He’ll enjoy them all. I feel like he’d be the type to explain why he likes a song on a soundtrack, like the vibes it gives him and how good it was in whatever game/movie it was.

Double D: Growing up he’d be into classical music by default. It’s all his parents played so it’s what he’s conditioned to like. I feel like as a result he’d never really have a preference to listen to music because he mainly uses it as a form of relaxation for studying or concentrating. But when he entered high school it’s a whole other story. He ends up befriending (or dating, depending what you ship) Marie. She introduces him to her music (which we’ll get into in a bit!). You’d expect Double D to hate it. Hardcore rock and heavy metal seemed a bit extreme. At first he might think it’s just noise. To his surprise, he ends up enjoying it immensely and starts to understand why people listen to music for fun. On more than one occasion Ed and Eddy will catch up to Double D in the hallways or the walk home from school and catch him blasting some heavy band. It surprises people greatly what Double D likes, but in a good way.

Eddy: This dude is the embodiment of the meme where you listen to rap with the homies but something else when alone. This guy will listen to Lil Peep and Juice WRLD, and don’t get me wrong he genuinely likes it, but it reaches its max appeal at some point. By himself he’ll listen to old school music. He really likes Elvis, Frankie Valli and Frank Sinatra. It’s what he grew up listening to with his dad in the car and loves it to this day. He’s not ashamed of it but prefers to look cool for listening to rap around random people. Really only Ed and Double D have listened to his playlist with him. The only thing he kind of hides which is a guilty pleasure is NSYNC and The Backstreet Boys. I feel like in high school Eddy and Kevin would be close bros, the kind that constantly pick on each other for fun but they really do appreciate each other and will be there for each other. As a result of their constant roasting, both of them listen to rap together but end up going home and listening to completely different things.

May: Growing up, all three of the Kanker Sisters listened to Country. Their mother enjoyed it so she’d play it around the house a lot. May’s the only sister who’s favorite genre is Country though. She loves Carrie Underwood, Luke Bryan, etc. In high school, her music taste opened up slightly. She likes pop music and enjoys a bit of Marina and the Diamonds, and Melanie Martinez (which she heard from Marie’s room and thought it sounded good.) She’s still a country girl at heart but enjoys bubblegum pop too. She’s also the type to enjoy basically anything, but she refuses to listen to heavy rock. Her limit to rock music is screaming, and at that point she wants to shut it off.

Marie: A rocker at heart. Of course she always dressed the part, but didn’t actually listen to rock music until she was 13. She entered her emo phase and never left. She likes classic rock, modern rock, and anything alternative or indie. Her favorites are Asking Alexandria, My Chemical Romance, A Day to Remember, Falling In Reverse and In This Moment. In terms of other music, she really likes P!nk, Avril Lavigne, and Ke$ha. The only genre she hates is country. For her, growing up listening to it constantly made her hate it because it was overplayed. She refuses to listen to it and sometimes her and May butt heads when in the car trying to play music.

Lee: This girl takes pride in her music taste. She flaunts her love for old school rap. She loves 2Pac, Snoop Dogg, B.I.G., Tupac, and Eminem. She’ll play it around whoever is willing to listen and genuinely enjoys it. If her and Eddy became friends (or dated) she’d get him into Eminem especially. Regarding other music, she enjoys anything 2000′s like Nelly and TLC. She still likes Country music too, but doesn’t listen to it as often as other stuff.

Rolf: He listens to foreign music. I feel like this one’s obvious but it’s true. He listens to music that’s poppin in his homeland. When he’s around Kevin and Nazz he actually grimaces at their playlist. He probably won’t like any of it, even if he’s open-minded about it. On occasion he’ll end up liking a few songs or artists from them but not a lot. I feel like he’d like a little bit of Post Malone.

Jimmy: He’s a THEATER KID!! When he goes to high school he immediately joins the theater program. He’s definitely that one kid that’s liked by everyone. But for music, he’d definitely enjoy musicals. Hamilton, Dear Evan Hansen, Wicked. You name it, he probably enjoys it. He also likes disney music as well like the soundtracks from Mulan, The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, etc. And he’ll definitely be in every spring musical and already know the songs.

Sarah: Since her and Jimmy are best friends, of course she also becomes a theater kid. She’s probably one of the most disliked people in the program but doesn’t care. She also enjoys musicals but not to the extent that Jimmy does. They still listen to them together all the time. She probably really likes pop music. Katy Perry is one of her favorites. She’s definitely a Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber fan. To be honest she probably went through a hardcore K-POP phase where she had a stan twitter and everything.

Jonny: He mainly just likes whatevers popular. He probably enjoys songs off of Tik Tok and is that annoying kid that plays meme music over and over. All Star by Smash Mouth is banned from the Cul de Sac because of him. He probably enjoys some soundtracks from video games as well. The type to just blast Revenge by Captain Sparkles for hours.

Kevin: We’ve already established that him and Eddy basically listen to the same thing. Lil Uzi Vert, Xxxtentacion, etc. That kind of thing. He tries especially hard to be cool. He’s definitely that kid with the speakers in his backpack blasting music down the hallway. But like Eddy, he listens to something else when he’s alone. He probably likes 70s and 80s hip hop and a little bit of classic rock because of his dad. Listens to Motley Crue, Def Leppard and Blackstreet. He’s not ashamed of his music taste, but definitely only plays modern rap in the car with the homies.

Nazz: She’s a carefree spirit. She likes old school rap too but appreciates a lot of older stuff. She likes Fleetwood Mac and Queen because of her mom. But she also really likes pop and Jazz. She likes Kelly Clarkson, Alicia Keys, Bruno Mars, Coldplay, and Rihanna. Probably a big Beyonce stan too. Because shes a free spirit, she’ll listen to anything someone plays. She’ll enjoy heavy metal if someone puts it on or even Country. She doesn’t care. If she likes something she’ll definitely go home and look up more stuff. She probably has the most diverse music taste of them all.

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futuristicthingkryptonite · 4 years

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T Rex Rar

Hear Me Roar T Rex

T-rex Roar Jurassic World

About: Super cool t rex roar or roaring sound effect requested by malik. Thanks for the request. Title: T Rex Roar Uploaded: 10.07.10 License: Attribution 3.0 Recorded by levitb File Size: 158 KB Downloads: 141667. Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube. Rex roar could be a call for a tiger to investigate, or attack. Scientists now think that their snarls are used to stun potential prey (and even their trainers). Tigers can produce sounds. Electric Warrior is the studio/Mixtape Album by artist/Rapper/DJ T. Rex, and Album has highlight a Pop, Rock sound. It was released/out on 1971 in English dialect, by some Music Recording Company, as the follow-up to last studio/Mixtape Album. They've now reissued T.Rex's Electric Warrior. Check out my short film, OAK 12, a kaiju VHS movie. Watch here: World 2: Fallen Kingdom promo- https://youtu.be/dPt5WUQN.

Instead of producing the terror you may suspect, cinema’s most famous roar would probably just confuse a lot of animals.

If you made it to the recently re-released 3D edition of Jurassic Park, you’re going to hear a dreadful sound that terrified audiences two decades ago. Tramping through the rain and the mud, the tyrant lizard bursts onto the screen and bellows a soul-shuddering shriek. It’s a noise that is almost as iconic as any other visual effect (which all still hold up, 20 years later) from the film.

But no one has actually heard a T. rex roar (or likely ever will), so how do we know if the sound that shook audiences twenty years ago is accurate?

Bones and teeth and, if we’re lucky, soft tissues may fossilize, but roars do not. We have only a few clues as to what dinosaurs actually sounded like (if they even roared at all), looking to their relatives for help. The closest living relatives of dinosaurs, birds and crocodilians, certainly make vocalizations, but the bird’s hoots and chirps and the crocodile’s throaty garglings are a far cry from what you hear in Jurassic Park. As far as we can tell, if the T. rex did make its own distinct vocalizations, it probably sounded nothing like the infamous movie roar.

Of course, the sound engineers in the film weren’t aiming to exactly reproduce the sounds of the cup rumbling T. rex. They didn’t have a 65 million year old phonograph to go by, so they created the tyrannosaurs screech by combining the yelps and yells of other living animals. Movie sound engineers have been cleverly combining various tones for years (don't forget the famous Tarzan yell!). For example, sound designer Ben Burtt produced the famous Star Wars blaster noise by hitting a tightened steel cable with a wrench. And for Chewbacca’s guttural call he mixed together walrus, camel, and tiger noises. (You can even play sound engineer at home! Get a slinky and a microphone and you can easily recreate the Star Wars blaster sound.)

According to the bookThe Making of Jurassic Park: An Adventure 65 million Years in the Making, the T. rex roar from the film was a combination of a baby elephant’s squeal, an alligator’s gurgling, and a tiger’s snarl. Its breath was the sound of air escaping a whale’s blowhole. Drawing from these animals, you can almost hear the composite T. rex roar from the film. Indeed, amateurs have tried recreating the combination and the result is pretty convincing.

If any of the animals that made up the roar heard it, they would be confused, perhaps even intrigued.

The T. rex roar could be a call for a tiger to investigate, or attack. Scientists now think that their snarls are used to stun potential prey (and even their trainers). Tigers can produce sounds in a range lower than what humans can hear. These infrasonic sounds can rattle and paralyze prey. And if you record these sounds and play them back to tigers, they may even attack the audio speaker.

Elephants use infrasound too, but for communication instead of paralysis. Though “language” means something different for humans and elephants, the trumpeting trunks of the largest land animal have intrigued scientists for years. There are entire projects that simply sit in the African jungles and hit the record button hoping to learn more about elephant communication. The Elephant Listening Project is a non-profit almost entirely dedicated to studying the rumbling calls of elephants. For decades a team lead by naturalist Katy Payne has recorded elephants’ “silent thunder” and the context in which it occurs, hoping to decipher the complex context and social cues that are held within. (You can learn more about this fascinating work in this short documentary by 60 Minutes.)

The T. rex roar might even turn on an alligator. When they hit sexual maturity, alligators let out loud rumbles to attract females and warn other males. The vibrations from these displays are intense enough to shake the water above the gator like a Tibetan singing bowl. With a roar as loud as the T. rex’s in Jurassic Park, who knows how many female alligators would slink their way over.

Put it all together and you get that soul-shuddering sound. It will likely live on forever in YouTube clips and Internet soundboards because it is so unearthly, so bizarrely forceful. The T. rex roar wasn’t scientifically accurate, but it accomplished exactly what the sound engineers wanted. And experts like John R. Hutchinson agree that Jurassic Park’s T. rex is the best depiction of the animal to date, brought magnificently to life with colossal animatronics and CGI that was decades ahead of its time.

And Tyrannosaurus rex only gets cooler with scientific accuracy. New research has upgraded the bite force of its steak knife-filled mouth and (probably) given it feathers. Regardless if it could really scream as it does in the film, it still would be the scariest thing with feathers you have ever seen, lest you think feathers are too “cute” for the tyrant lizard. But sadly, Jurassic Park 4 has chosen not to give its dinos feathers, missing a wonderful chance to convey real science to a huge audience. To quote prolific dinosaur author and blogger Brian Switek: “A velociraptor without feathers isn’t a velociraptor.”

Hear Me Roar T Rex

Though it had fake roars, computer-generated movements, and bones made of hydraulics, Jurassic Park’s Tyrannosaurus rex was a real animal that stalked the earth. Regardless of how many animals the most famous roar in movie history would confuse, it will endure simply because life really did find a way to evolve such a wonderful, terrible lizard.

T-rex Roar Jurassic World

Image: Screenshot of the first entrance of the T. rex via the Jurassic Park 4 movie website.

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poemsforcowboys · 6 years

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What a Feeling // Freddie Mercury

Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Five

Pairing: Freddie Mercury and Katy Newton (OC)

Summary: Before she moved from London to New York at the age of thirteen, Katy Newton had always been friends with Brian May. He was the only one she knew who encouraged her creative side, especially her designs for fashion and makeup. So much so, that Katy is hired as Queen’s newest stylist. But what she doesn’t expect is her knew found friend, Freddie Mercury. Will their casual flirts lead to anything of substance? Or will their relationship just become another lost love as they both make their journey towards self acceptance.

Warnings: there will be smut eventually but not in this chapter, bisexuality (?), feels, mentions of alcohol and drugs

CHAPTER FOUR

“Okay so make her wearing something super cute and she’s looking at the book infront of her but make sure she’s glowing too and that you get her hair right and-”

“You’re gonna have to be a little more descriptive, I’m not exactly sure what to draw”

“Katy. I don’t know how much more descriptive I can be. She is an angelic princess and basically floats instead of walks”

“Joey”

When Jo had asked Katy if she could come over the next day, she thought it would be the perfect time to announce her new job, and soon departure. But instead, Jo needed her help with drawing the storyboard for a new film she was making, with Michelle as the lead. “Michelle is SO perfect I need a true artist to draw her, Katy she can’t be a stick figure this is why I need YOUR help” Katy had appreciated the sentiment, and would miss the times like this when she goes away.

“Mich is just so pretty, usually I have to tell the actors to wear makeup but she doesn’t need to, she’s a bartender too you know. The fact that I get to watch her make drinks?” Jo put her thumbs up and clicked her tongue, Katy rolled her eyes but smiled. “Last night she made one called a pink lady and hold shit Kate I was swept away at first we were just drinking and sitting on her couch and then oh my god is she so good with-”

“Okay, okay enough Jo I get it you’re in love we’re not all as lucky as you are” Katy laughed, but looked down.

“Oh come on Katy don’t worry about that, you have your future in front of you who knows who you’ll meet!” Jo said, putting a hand on her shoulder, she didn’t mean to make her feel bad.

The last person Katy had dated was Harry, they loved each other, she thought they did; he was a philosophy professor at a private school and she actually that thought they had something, but then he was offered a teaching job in California. They had been dating for two years but split because the distance was too much. That was months ago though, she needed to stop thinking about him.

The future. Katy was hopeful, her mother had said yes, and it was time to relay the news to her best friend, who was still feeling bad for her.

“Jo, you know how the band came over for dinner last night?” Katy asked, playing with the hem of her shirt and now trying not to smile. “Yeah, you told me, how were Roger and Freddie?” she smirked, knowing that they must have caused some trouble.

“They were fine actually, Jo something a lot bigger happened than that”

As Katy recounted the events of last night, Jo’s eyes grew wider and wider. When Katy finished with her mother’s approval, Jo literally screamed - something Mrs. Newton was definitely not happy about downstairs. She ran towards her friend to hug her, picking Katy up and swinging her around.

“I am SO proud of you! Katy we are celebrating. Tonight. I’m gonna call Michelle right now we can visit the bar she works at! We’ll get free drinks and holy shit I could not be happier for you, you deserve this” she hugged her again and smiled. The two of them couldn’t stop laughing, both just ecstatic about the events unfolding in front of them.

Katy walked over to her record player and put on some music the two of them started dancing before Jo asked for Katy’s consent to raid her closet, looking for something to wear tonight. Of course Jo was upset that Katy would be leaving New York the next day, but she knew how unhappy she had been here and that she had to for her own sanity.

“Can I borrow this one?” Jo pulled out a low cut navy blue long sleeved shirt, the ends of the sleeves poofing out dramatically. Katy nodded enthusiastically, half of the items in her closest she never had the confidence to wear herself so they remained untouched.

Katy put on a white crocheted cropped tank top and high waisted bell bottom jeans. Even though she was short, she still somehow enjoyed her appearance in the mirror. Jo helped by hyping her up like the amazing friend she is. Halfway through finishing their hair to go and visit Michelle at the bar she worked at to celebrate, they heard a knock on the door. It was James, Jo squealed and ran over. “It’s going to make me so sad not being able to come over and see you anymore” she laughed, pinching his cheeks. His face turned bright red, he secretly had had the biggest crush on Jo since he met her. If only he knew.

“Katy” he managed to make out, ignoring Jo’s comment although touched by it “Brian is on the phone, he wants to talk to you. It’s off the line down stairs so all you have to do is pick it up up here, don’t worry, I’ll make sure Mum isn’t listening”

“Ooooooh” Jo bounced her eyebrows, Katy rolled her eyes but happily picked up the phone and mouthed a “thank you” to James.

“Mayday!” Katy smiled into the phone, looking at herself in the mirror, and pressing the phone between her ear and her shoulder.

“Kayday” his familiar voice laughed back.

“I know we’ve been together a lot lately, but what are you doing tonight?” he asked a little awkwardly, hoping he isn’t a bother.

Being the crappy phone it was, Jo was able to hear everything the two of them were talking about. She took the phone from Katy, much like Freddie had taken Brian’s phone to accept her Mum’s dinner proposal.

“Katy is hanging out with Michelle and me since you’re stealing her away, sorry dude” Jo said nonchalantly, looking at her cuticles.

“Well” Brian coughed awkwardly on the other end of the line “there’s a party tonight in the city, we wanted to celebrate the new job, you guys are more than welcome to come with us it’s at the-” “What time” Jo was still nonchalant. Katy was annoyed that Jo was probably scaring Brian into thinking she doesn’t like him right now.

“What? I think around eightish but we aren’t really sure we were thinking of-” “Eight sounds great to me, we will see you at this party!!” Jo wooed, smiling and snapping her fingers. Brian laughed, he appreciated her abruptness and wished her and Katy a goodbye and that he’d talk to them later to tell them the party info.

Jo hung up the phone and turned her attention to Katy.

“GUESS WHO’S PARTYING WITH HER FAVORITE BAND AND FAVORITE FRIEND TONIGHT” she put up her arms, their giant poofy sleeves falling down to her elbows.

“Wow, favorite band first and friend second?” Katy scoffed, realizing now that she might need a little more makeup than she had on.

“Whatever you know I love you” Jo smiled, “but I’ve gotta call Michelle and tell her to try to get someone to cover her shift, her bartending skills are needed elsewhere, among other things” she winked.

“Just call her please”

Moments later, the plan was set for the three of them to meet the band at a high rise apartment in Chelsea, and they were listening to music while Katy applied makeup to Jo’s face and Michelle made her way over.

“Fat bottomed girls make this rockin world go ro-”

“Joey, I swear if you keep singing I’m gonna stop” Katy had not even gotten halfway through applying the silver to Jo’s eyes when she started moving her entire body to the beat of the song she had forced Katy to put on.

“But Katy this song”

She huffed and shot Jo a glare. The glare was enough to get Jo to stop and close her eyes again, Katy sighed in relief and continued to apply the glittery shadow.

Katy always noticed that Jo didn’t change the songs she was singing when she was. That might not even make any sense, but she was used to her friends replacing the pronoun in love songs to keep it in line with their sexuality. Jo was staying true to hers which Katy thought was really cool, but she didn’t know what pronouns she liked the best, they all sounded pretty nice to her.

If it wasn't for that calming train of thought, she would have stopped doing Jo’s makeup all together, and she did yell at her for moving but Jo claimed that she had no idea that dancing counted.

Freddie was rather rudely awoken by the feeling of someone taking a seat on his hip as he slept sideways on the band’s New York suite couch. The boys shared their rooms in pairs, and Freddie had hesitantly agreed to sleep on the couch while Roger had a girl come spend the night. Also why he had been paired with Roger in the first place he wasn’t quite sure of. Nonetheless, his face was pressed into the cushions, his back facing the television as he had fallen asleep with it on in an attempt to hear nothing, it didn’t really work.

Roger began eating his cereal loudly, was he just trying to piss Freddie off? If he was, it was working. Freddie, knowing what he was doing, jolted, the little movement sending Roger off of the couch and spilling the cereal onto his shirt.

“Are you kidding me, Fred?” “Are you kidding me, Rog?” he mumbled into his pillow, not wanting to face the day. The shirtless singer eventually sat up and rubbed his eyes, Roger took a seat next to him this time after cleaning up the mess he had made. It was already one pm and Freddie had still not gotten the most refreshing sleep to say the least. The thought of going out and actually having to talk to people was not at the top of his priority list at the moment. As if he could read his mind, Roger started “there’s a party tonight Freddie, at a fancy hotel in Chelsea, lots of people are gonna be there” Roger winked and nudged his arm.

“Well then I think tonight you’ll find me in the opposite direction” he mumbled, holding his head, he didn’t always get like this but when he did, he’d rather be at home with a quiet conversation and a person he loved than a rager. He wasn’t really going to get that in the middle of New York City with his three drunk friends.

“Katy’s going, Bri already asked her,” Roger chewed loudly and started flipping through the channels. Freddie had changed his mind, he was going to go. “but do you think Jo’ll be there? She was something else too I mean I know you’ve got your sights set on Katy but-”

“Will you PLEASE stop saying that? I never said that to you Rog, and it’s really fucking annoying especially when she’s going to be working with us” Freddie said angrily, turning off the tv to get Roger’s attention.

“Fred, come on, we both know you. She’s kinda spunky and she’s your type, if you don’t like her now, you’re going to. Plus, if you didn’t like her, you would always be making jokes about liking her. Just think about it” Roger said prophetically, he hadn’t even been phased by the anger Freddie had previously shown, and honestly Freddie appreciated that. He didn’t want to admit it, but Roger did know him well.

Freddie also rationalized that of course John would need backup in taking care of Roger, and he did love a good party after all.

He walked over to his suitcase and sighed. He needed a look, his current joggers and tank top would simply not do for tonight. The worst part about touring was how all of his best shirts and pants became wrinkled so easily. This was going to be difficult, maybe even too difficult to do on his own. He needed the help of a stylist. Good thing he had one.

��So you just need help for this party tonight? This is my first official gig?” Katy was smiling way too wide. After Katy had finally finished both Jo’s and her own makeup, Freddie called asking if she’d come to his hotel room to help him choose an outfit. An eruption of “oos” of course followed from Jo and Michelle but she ignored it and blushed.

Now, they were the only two in the fancy room (Freddie had to pay Roger to leave, the situation going something along the lines of “so you don’t fancy her, but you need help with an outfit? I need help with my outfit for tonight too Freddie can I stay here?” “Rog, please”), and Freddie had laid out about half of his wardrobe on his bed. Patiently watching as Katy carefully sifted through the large pile.

“It’s not going to be as easy as it looks darling, I’m indecisive” he laughed, shaking his head “no” as she held up a bright green shirt. She shrugged and put it back.

“We all are, I mean this” she gestured to her outfit, which she had changed since coming over, it was a yellow sundress instead “is like my third outfit today, and I will probably change again before the party.”

Freddie furrowed his eyebrows “you would look absolutely stunning in anything you wear, and in nothing I’m sure too” he winked, not sure where his sudden confidence was coming from, maybe because everything he was saying was true. Katy playfully hit his arm and turned bright red before turning to look back at the clothes.

That’s how Freddie was going to manage, he decided, making her smile and soaking it in, but she wasn’t to know how serious he was really being. He had doubts that she would be interested at all in anything remotely different from co workers and friends. Time continued to float by, Freddie rejecting every one of Katy’s suggestions (she now realized this was why she was getting paid, and maybe by Debbie had disliked her job so much).

She held up another shirt, this one yellow and extremely low cut, the collars meant to be flared.

“Oh come on love, you must be able to imagine what my arms look like in that thing” he scoffed and shooed it away. It was Katy who was upset now, although when he called her “love” it made her heart beat faster.

“What about your arms love?” she asked in the same way, she couldn’t let him know she had appreciated it, Freddie shrugged and looked away. He didn’t really want to talk about his insecurities right now. “You. Always. Look. Like. A. God.” Katy grabbed the yellow shirt and basically pushed it into his chest, causing him to retreat for a second.

“Go try this on, actually what am I saying I’ll be in the bathroom, let me know when I can come out” Katy didn’t even give Freddie a chance to respond to her calling him a god. He didn’t know what he would say anyways, it wasn’t often that a girl had him so tongue tied, she was different. He begrudgingly took the shirt, and she walked away. He stared at her blue hair as she did, it swayed and complimented the pale yellow of her dress. They’d be matching.

After five minutes of posing and different smiles in the mirror, Freddie knocked on the bathroom door. He looked fit. Katy didn’t know how else to describe it, or exactly what to say. The silver chain that hung loosely around his neck was the perfect accessory, the shirt accentuated his muscles and brightened his face, he was practically glowing in Katy’s eyes, and in Freddie’s, he saw himself as okay.

“Oh Freddie, I love it”

He blushed and looked away, fixing and tucking in the end. The two of them were just bad at taking compliments, especially from each other.

“Could you do my makeup, too?” he asked shyly, he smiled with his mouth open, but quickly moved his lips to cover his teeth again. Katy frowned, but decided not to mention it, she was sure she had made him uncomfortable today and didn’t want to again.

“Absolutely, come sit” she patted the bathroom counter. He raised an eyebrow, but took a seat next to the sink. “Damn, you’re still much taller than me” and he was,

“It’s not too hard to be when you’re a pixie” he may not have been as tall as Brian, but Freddie was still a good nine inches taller than her, and sitting on the counter didn’t change that.

“Okay, hm” she ran her fingers through her blue hair thinking. Freddie wished he could reach out and do the same.

“We could sit on the floor, and I could put a record on too if you’d like” Freddie clapped his hands. Katy laughed as he got up suddenly from his idea and ran out of the room. A couple moments later, she could hear the sound of Elton John making its way into the bathroom and Freddie was back. He looked down to see Katy already on the floor, going through her makeup bag and looking for the best eyeliner. He took a seat across from her, sitting cross legged and admiring her dress, she felt his eyes on her.

“It’s going to be so refreshing doing makeup for someone who isn’t constantly singing, whenever I do Jo’s she just won’t stop moving.” Katy laughed as she finally found out the right one and Freddie gently closed his eyes, she began to apply it.

He smirked, and she noticed it, as much as she loved that smirk she didn’t want to see it right now. Freddie started singing along to Rocket Man, he looked adorable and Katy couldn’t stay as irritated at him as she could Jo. “I’d be mad if you weren’t so friggin cute” she mumbled to herself when her back was turned to Freddie, looking for another color shadow from her bag.

“What was that, darling?” he smiled, his eyes still closed. As she did his makeup, his confidence began to return.

“Nothing, what?” Katy had truly not wanted Freddie to hear that. But he did, and decided not to make her repeat herself although he mumbled a “not a cute as you love” back as he started to fix his hair.

He finished and stood up, taking a look at himself in the mirror, Katy stood and joined him, he liked how the two of them looked together, now both in different shades of yellow.

Three hours later, and the music was louder than ever. What from the outside looked like any New York City building, turned into something of a glamorous penthouse with high ceilings and high occupants on the inside. Covered in modern art and leather furniture, no one was quite sure who the house had belonged to, Roger was just known for his connections and this time it really worked out. Everywhere you looked, there was some type of action going on.

Katy had left Freddie to change her outfit again and arrive with Jo and Michelle, volunteering herself as third wheel pretty much. When Katy, Jo, and Michelle had arrived, they saw no one they recognized in sight but absolutely everyone and thing looked fascinating. Jo and Michelle discreetly found each other’s hands and held on tight, here was a place they felt comfortable at least doing that. Jo at the same time was looking for the bar, she wanted Michelle to show off the tricks she had learned.

In the midst of the chaos, they first found John, who was pressed up against one of the walls, unsure of what to do. John tagged along and joined Katy at the front of the pack, he too was extremely happy to see a familiar face.

A blonde woman in tight leather approached them with drinks in her hand, she kissed Deacy on the cheek and handed Katy a drink, she couldn’t stop staring at her. Katy took the drink from her ringed fingers, it was only a little larger than a shot glass and bright pink. She looked over to see Deacy downing it, so she decided to join him. The liquid burned the back of her throat but at the same time reminded her of pink lemonade. Jo always made fun of her for being a lightweight, but she didn’t mind that, and maybe things would change by the time she returns from the tour.

Somewhere on the other side of the room, Freddie was also getting drunk, with Brian, as they watched Roger chat up some girl on the couch. Freddie had really enjoyed the moments he shared with Katy earlier, and decided to keep on the yellow shirt. Brian had asked him more than once if his plan for the night was following in a similar pursuit as Roger was doing, but Freddie wasn’t. Sure there were many beautiful people here, he already was approached by a few fans who whispered things in his ears, but it didn’t felt right tonight for some reason. And of course he couldn’t tell Brian any of this, he’d hit him. So he decided to do something else that he did best, get plastered.

The music was extremely loud, and the low lighting gave everyone a little run for their senses. The large amount of people in the small space coupled with the cigarette and marijuana smoke was a lot for everyone to take in, but for right now Freddie loved it. He felt invisible, he and Brian decided to continue to move through the crowd rather than wait for Roger to stop, they both knew he wasn’t going to. Brian was pretty drunk too, the two of them stumbled through the crowd.

Eventually, the crowd moved them to the bar, fate working out nicely as it united the seven of them. Michelle was making drinks and people were cheering around her, Jo was sitting at the bar, sipping on her straw and never stopped watching Michelle move. Katy was taking shots with some girls she had just met who were all beautiful. John was trying to get the attention of said girls, but the red head he was talking to couldn’t stop staring at Katy, who was staring back.

Brian was happy to see his friend having so much fun “Katy ladyy!” he partially slurred, walking over to her and hugging her.

“I am just SO happy that you’re touring with us! Maybe you can weigh in on the vote I’ve been trying to have, I propose that the the band needs a pet” Brian was clearly drunk, his arm was around Katy’s shoulder now and he held his hand out trying to paint the picture for her.

“Freddie wants a cat but I’m not really sure-” he continued but was interrupted by Freddie walking over. He wasn’t sure where Brian had gone to but when he saw it was Katy he was with, drunk Freddie just needed to say hello.

“Hellllooooo, darlings” he screamed, put a hand on both of their shoulders. Katy was really happy to see him, she had been looking for him all night.

“Fred! Tell Katy about my pet idea!” Brian said enthusiastically, shifting his eyes between the two of them.

“Sorry Bri, I’d rather tell Katy that she looks absolutely radiant right now. I mean stunning, Bri have you seen her?” Freddie said, taking Katy’s hand and kissing it, she giggled. Brian rolled his eyes and walked in between them dramatically, breaking their hands apart.

“She looks” he looked her up and down “fine. I’m going to go ask Deacy what he thinks. I’m thinking a turtle” he stated very nonchalantly, causing Freddie and Katy to look at each other awkwardly for a second, and then break into laughter.

“I” Freddie started, now he and Katy now sitting on a loveseat and talking to each other as people surrounded them “am VERY interested in the art in this house” he stated, he was pretty drunk, and when she got like this, everything fascinated her. Katy smoothed out her black skirt and turning to Freddie, she fixed her hair, she was very jittery right now.

“I am” Katy paused in the same fashion he had “am VERY interested in the art right in front of me” she flirted. His eyes widened and eyebrows changed, he broke into a smile until he shut his mouth quickly.

“You must be hammered to think that this banana colored chap looks like art right now” he referred to his shirt that he was still a little unsure of.

“Oh I am, Michelle kept making me these little clear drinks and they were so good so me and Deacy decided to have a drinking contest and he won but I really gave it my all he was still proud of me, Deacy’s a team player” her emotions continuously changed throughout her ramble. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t be art! And I love the shirt!” she started to play with his collar, brushing her skin against his, Freddie wasn’t expecting that kind of intimacy.

The two of them continued to talk, and they talked about everything. They started to talk about the name Mercury and it digressed into her love for astrology and contemplations of time and the future.

Just then, Roger came to join them, he took a seat in between them, and accidentally spilled Katy’s drink all over her white shirt, she stood up and kinda yelped but quickly contained it.

“Rog! What the fuck?” Freddie asked angrily at Roger, he shrugged his shoulders, not exactly sure what he did. Freddie looked around for any napkins in sight, he found some tissues and awkwardly started to pat her chest before she took the napkin from him gratefully and continued to dry herself more feverishly.

She couldn’t help before a yellow stain formed right in the center of her stomach though, unavoidable to sight. She sighed, Roger had really completely ruined that moment, and her shirt.

“Rogerrrrrrrrr” Katy dragged out his name, turning the last part of it into a grr aggressively and throwing her head back to look at the ceiling. He put his hands up defensively, he had been having a great time talking to Jo and Michelle since the other girl rejected him and had been thoroughly enjoying himself up until that moment, now he was a little scared. Freddie also wanted to kill him.

“Kate” Freddie handed her another tissue, he thought that name was pretty on her “I can call you a cab home if you’d like, I kinda would like to head back to the hotel soon, I have to be up early anyway like the rest of these fellows, but unlike them I’d rather get some rest” Freddie said softly to her. She sighed, she probably should be going home anyway. She had no idea where Jo and Michelle had snuck off to and wasn’t exactly in the mood to find out.

She nodded her head “I think that’d be best”

“I know” Freddie said, out of the blue. They now were sitting next to each other in the small yellow cab he had ordered to take her home, he insisted on making sure she got inside safely and she had no problem with that. The beginning of the car ride was a peaceful silence, not awkward at all, Katy staring out the window and Freddie closing his eyes, or opening them to take a peak at what Katy was doing. His sudden voice got Katy’s attention instantly, and she turned to him.

“Katy Kat” he stated, opening his eyes to face Katy who broke out into laughter at the cuteness of the name.

“And you said you weren’t drunk” she booped his nose and laughed loudly.

“I never said I wasn’t drunk” he held up a finger, Katy smiled at the polish “I just said I was sober enough to help you get home. And Katy Kat, that’s your nickname from me. I have decided. I really like cats, and I really like you, and your name sounds like cat, and, oh shit” Freddie’s eyes widened and he stopped smiling, he had been ranting, he clearly was still drunk too, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to ensure Katy was okay “what if I like you so much because your name sounds like a cat, but WAIT, what if I like cats so much because it sounds like Katy, wait no that can’t be right I knew a cat before I knew you” he was just talking to himself now. How desperately did drunk Katy want to just shut him up with a kiss; and maybe she could, he did JUST say he liked her a lot, but no. He was drunk, she was drunk, and it was in the context of cats, she didn’t want to ruin anything and also did not want her first kiss with him to be drunk in the back of a taxi to get him to stop talking about cats. She giggled “I love it Freddie that is a marvelous nickname” she spoke her faint British accent making a slight comeback. He was excited by that “Your accent is so weird” he said teasingly. “Oh shut up” she said, now in a complete British tone to make him smile. Eventually the cab slowed to a stop in front of her apartment, Freddie still rambling on about the various cats he had had throughout his life.

It didn’t matter what it was, Katy could listen to him talk all day and in fact that’s all she wanted to do, ever. The taxi driver turned around in his seat and faced them

“Ma’am? That’s gonna be-”

“Oh please sir, I’m the gentleman, just keep the change” Freddie took a fifty dollar bill out of his pocket and handed it to the taxi driver, whose eyes widened.

“Thank you so much sir, you two make a lovely couple”

“Thank you for saying that, so much truly, love did you hear that? He said we were a lovely couple” Katy said laughing putting her hand on Freddie’s. He blushed and just nodded to the driver, taking her hand and thanking the driver, he guided her out of the car.

“I did hear that love”

“You should sleep over sometime so I can show you MY wardrobe!” she said excitedly, she almost sounded like a little kid when she was drunk, a little kid with a sailor’s mouth.

“That would be an absolute pleasure, darling” he laughed, walking her up her stairs and making sure that neither of them stumbled or tripped. They finally made it to the top of them successfully.

“Thank you for leaving the party to help me, this was super embarrassing to be honest. I can usually hold my liquor a little better, literally and figuratively, ha” Katy smiled softly. That last part might have been a lie but that’s okay. She was caught staring in Freddie’s glazed chocolate eyes, and he was staring at her mouth as she spoke, watching her smile play on every word.

They stayed staring for a moment, then Freddie remembered he should probably respond to what she had said.

“No worries, I’d much rather be right here with you” that was the complete truth “well um” he coughed “I’ll be seeing you bright and early tomorrow, yeah?” he asked, rubbing his neck, suddenly nervous.

“Okay Freddie, I’ll see you then” Katy said happily, not picking up on his nervousness, she kissed him on the cheek. She really was confident when she was drunk. He laughed, a little annoyed at himself that he wasn’t the one to think of that.

“Okay, goodnight Katy Kat” he smiled again, and finally let her go inside.

As he walked back down the steps alone, he started to quietly hum a song he hadn’t written yet. This was going to be a great tour.

CHAPTER FIVE

AN: hey guys! I know this was a long one but thank you so much for all the positivity I have received so far! If you like this fic, please let me know! I also do Queen ships if you’d like one just send me an ask :) -June

tagged: @come-with-me-and-imagine, @runawayxwithme, @feministsatanworshipper, @axxl-rose, @strawberry--harrington

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rkjaemin · 6 years

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kt ent private audition song: matryoshka by 쓰리라차 (battle ver) ❝ 날 알고 싶다면 다 열어 고막 ❞

what are you doing?

what the fuck are you doing?

what the fuck are you doing here?

what the fuck are you doing here with your hair dyed pink?

na jaemin doesn't even know why he's feeling nervous. he's stood on the stage countless of times in front of a far more intimidating audience -- students of a performing arts school. he knows well the judgmental looks they give behind those passive eyes and nonchalant shrugs. he's done it countless of times himself when he passes up on doing performances to do stage management for productions. maybe it's innate, or he's picked up his clubmate's habits of being critical about absolutely everything, from the most trivial of things to the most major and technical aspects. he's gone over his performance in handful of ways, where he could go wrong and what he can do, what he can do better, and what he can retain. still, here is, feeling like he's about to go in shock any second as he stood in front of the panel.

there's no way he can back out now, not when he had already introduced himself, and what he's going to do. what started out as fun hobby, something he had done when he's throat hurt too much when he sings. he'd never rapped in front of anyone, at least not seriously. only donghyuck knows he's even interested in doing it. maybe even yuta after that call, which if his hyung brings up, he'd never acknowledged to have happened. as far as anyone knows, jaemin's doing his usual business today, probably making the glee club members life harder than it should be, or studying at the library, and not standing in front of a panel, including katie lee herself, as he waits for his music to start.

rapping was not something he's planned on taking this seriously, and definitely not something he'd have considered to do for his first audition. but jaemin knew that if he got off this gutsy train that dragged him to this very moment, he'd have never done this ever. he'd probably sing a ballad just like he always does, quick and easy -- but the idea doesn't sit well. they say he sings well, but he doesn't know if he truly does. all this time he's taken their word for it. and when he was approached, he was sure they had no idea he even sings. he wants to take this chance to maybe start over, to at least have a choice on what he'll start his first step to being an idol with. to see if spending all those time trying to rap were worth it, or they were hours spent just for mere leisure.

yeah, 날 알고 싶다면 다 열어 고막 좀 더 깊이 듣고 싶다면 더 들어봐 Devushka vushka ah 나애 대한 찾아봐봐 하나씩 세로운 정보를 발견해 끝은 없을 거야 야 야 야 Babushka bushka doll처럼 흥미로운 내 삶은 조금 다를 거야 날 까도 까도 난 영원할 거야 야 야 야

he starts off slow and steady, before continuing to pick up the pace. he lets the words roll down his tongue, follows the rhythm to the way he sees fit. jaemin sort of still feels ridiculous that he's rapping such lyrics and he's hair is all bright and pink. too sweet for the image the song is going for. how he wished he could speak about that too, so he can make up a cool excuse explain why he decided to go for a contrasting way of presenting himself. but he supposed that's not going to happen, not even after he performs. still, he still thinks he's been doing very decently. he hasn't stuttered or messed up his flow.

Umm Adiós 2015년쯤에 렙 쓰는 나 2 years later 성장했지 보는 사감마다 쏟아지는 박수갈채가 set up 가끔 보이는 포기는 날 까도 날 까고 일어나 껍질을 부숴 ey 재민 내가 너를 분질러놔도 넌 계속 왜 안 지고 더 세져

jaemin had listened to this song over, and over, and over, and over again. he'd learned all the bars for the song, slow and fast, the emphasis on certain lyrics and convinced himself to embody the song. it's not difficult from his end considering how proud he is of progress, and the process to get to a goal. there wasn't really much time to prepare, if anything, everything he was doing now was a result of a rap crash class with yuta, his experience from glee club (well, what do you know, something he likes also paving way for his future!), and his confidence in his ability to deliver what is necessary for a good show.

Woo 의문 들겠지 들어봐 앨범 스물 전에 백퍼 난 최고 될 거야 응원해줘 my neighbors Matryoshka version인 a new one 까도 까도 잘 안 되긴 커녕 더 세져 센 척 안 해 for real 까줘 짜줘 작아져도 매워 살아지지 않고 더 세져 날 알고 싶다면 다 열어 고막 좀 더 깊이 듣고 싶다면 더 들어봐 깎아내려고 까봤자 Matryoshka BahBahBah Booyah Ey 사라지지 않아

the thing about this song choice is that he was able to explore at least three or four styles of rapping. it was good that he had come across the song before, and was easier to get comfortable performing it. it feels like he's just rapping at home, feeling the song, and getting lost in the sound and his words.

Matryoshka 내 속이 궁금하다니까 까보던지 알아서 해 내가 뭔데" 라는 말은 집어치울 테니까 이건 명심하길 단순히 궁금한 게 아닌 부정적인 의미로 까려는 거면 접어 빛을 향해 접어드는 이 무렵에 나에 대한 괜한 호기심의 결과는 널라 어 버 버 버 버벅대네 첨봉 첨봉 호우적대던 때는 지난 지금 수면 위의 여유 있는 배들과의 배틀 승리 아닌 패배에도 내 반응은 젠틀 하게 학교 학에회 때 손보였던 어리속한 랩들마저 당당했어 뭐가 꿀리겠어 꿈을 향한 자신은 언제나 넘쳐 더해 확신이 들 때까지 피땀 흘리겠어

the end is coming close, and yet the pressure building on his chest stays there. he pushes through with his lines, does them as he practiced, not a syllable missed and not a word out of beat. that's what doing a song you've practically performed in the shower several hundred times does! he wonders for a moment what would have happened if he ended up wanting to do another song, and a new one he has only heard then? jaemin knew that he would have probably done horribly if that was the case. it just so happens that he's been listening to a lot of songs that he feels fit with his tone and his voice. he lets the thought fall away, and he focuses on the last few lines he has. his hands still do very few gestures, but he still bobs his head to the beat and dances as whenever he feels that it would look okay.

깎아내려 발악해봤자 상관 않고 늘어가는 나의 실력과 비레하게 늘어가며 쌓여가는 작업물들만 남아 헛수거야 시기질툰 참아 참아 목표물은 풍연인가봐 내가 맺은 알찬열매 들음 그 속이 꽉 차 매번 손해보단 이득을 봐 수확을 멈추지 않아 yo

who was he kidding?

he's scared shitless because this is something he had always wanted. he did want to become an idol, but he knew he had to reserve a part of himself, what he does best and what he likes doing for donghyuck alone. maybe that's part of the reason why he's so persisten on rapping. if things work out for jaemin and he becomes a big star who shares himself with the world, he at least had his voice reserved for donghyuck alone. as soon as he finishes the song, he bows and makes his exit. he hoped that what he showcase was enough for the people in that room to think that he's worth investing on.

#tw: cursing #rkghostscout #jmn:solo #jmn:ef

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lostinsimsland-archive · 6 years

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get to know me tag~

rules: make your simself and answer the 125 questions provided!

question time!

1. what is your full name?: kaitlyn dawn! 2. what are your nicknames?: kait, katie 3. birthday?: october 14th! 4. what is your favorite book series?: the if i stay + where she went books! 5. do you believe in aliens or ghosts?: ghosts definitely. 6. who is your favorite author?: lauren oliver! 7. what is your favorite radio station?: i don’t listen to the radio lol 8. what is your favorite flavor of anything?: chocolate everything pls 9. what word would you often use to describe something great or wonderful?: idk but i say “holy shit” a lot 10. what is your current favorite song?: monster by dodie 11. what is your favorite word?: fuck 12. what was the last song you listened to?: monster by dodie 13. what tv show would you recommend for everyone to watch?: scream 14. what is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down?: shitty romcoms 100% 15. do you play video games?: yes 16. what is your biggest fear?: losing loved ones 17. what is your best quality, in your opinion?: i’m good at cheering ppl up i guess. 18. what is your worst quality, in your opinion?: i’m an anxious mess 19. do you like cats or dogs better?: cats. but my mom’s allergic smh 20. what’s your favorite season?: fall + winter 21. are you in a relationship?: does being madly in love with my best friend count? 22. what is something you miss from your childhood?: i’m still technically a child, but i miss literally anything i did with my dad. 23. who is your best friend?: if i told you, i’d be giving away who my crush is~ 24. what is your eye color?: hazel 25. what is your hair color?: dark brown 26. who is someone you love? @waterlily-sims is my only friend, and i cherish her. 27. who is someone you trust?: see 26 28. who is someone you think about often?: my dad 29. are you currently excited about/for something?: i’m gonna play dbh after this so i’m pumped 30. what is your biggest obsession?: detroit become human 31. what was your favorite tv show as a child?: ok look, blues clues was the shit. 32. who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone?: there’s this kid at my school named carter. he’s pretty cool i guess. (i’m kidding, we share memes all the time and it’s great.) 33. are you superstitious?: fuck yeah 34. do you have any unusual phobias?: not that i know of 35. do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?: behind it 36. what is your favorite hobby?: writing and drawing 37. what was the last book you read?: before i fall by lauren oliver 38. what was the last movie you watched?: idk 39. what musical instruments do you play, if any?: i played viola in 6th grade 40. what is your favorite animal?: butterflies 41. what are your top 5 tumblr blogs that you follow?: everyone 42. what superpower do you wish you had?: i just wanna be an android ok. 43. when and where do you feel most at peace?: writing my shitty fanfictions in my bed. 44. what makes you smile?: seeing other people i love being happy 45. what sports do you play, if any?: what’s a sport? 46. what is your favorite drink?: sprite 47. when was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody?: probably sometime last year 48. are you afraid of heights?: yES 49. what is your biggest pet peeve?: people ghosting their friends 50. have you ever been to a concert?: yep 51. are you vegan/vegetarian?: i tried being vegetarian. that lasted 2 weeks 52. when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?: a youtuber (we’re talking 4th grade me who said i wanted to be a gamer lmao) 53. what fictional world would you like to live in?: the detroit become human world 54. what is something you worry about?: other people’s opinions of me 55. are you scared of the dark?: yes 56. do you like to sing?: i do, but i’m not great. 57. have you ever skipped school?: i’ve faked being sick, but i’ve never gone and left halfway through. 58. what is your favorite place on the planet?: my bed 59. where would you like to live?: detroit 60. do you have any pets?: 2 dogs 61. are you more of an early bird or night owl?: night owl 62. do you like sunrises or sunsets better?: sunset 63. do you know how to drive?: nope 64. do you prefer earbuds or headphones?: earbuds 65. have you ever had braces?: no but i need them tbh 66. what is your favorite genre of music?: indie pop / alternative 67. who is your hero?: my mom 68. do you read comic books?: no 69. what makes you the most angry?: everything 70. do you prefer to read on an electronic device or a real book?: both 71. what is your favorite subject in school?: art 72. do you have any siblings?: no, my mom isn’t available 4 commited relationships 73. what was the last thing you bought?: music 74. how tall are you?: 5′7 75. can you cook?: i can bake 76. what are three things that you love?: sunflowers, music, sims 77. what are three things that you hate?: stress, school, people 78. do you have more female friends or male friends?: female 79. what is your sexual orientation?: pansexual 80. where do you currently live?: texas 81. who was the last person you texted?: @waterlily-sims 82. when was the last night you cried?: who knows 83. who is your favorite youtuber?: vixella 84. do you like to take selfies?: sometimes 85. what is your favorite app?: tumblr 86. what is your relationship with your parent(s) like?: my mom is the best, and i haven’t figured out whether my dad ended up in heaven or hell 87. what is your favorite foreign accent?: british 88. what is a place that you’ve never been to, but want to visit?: paris 89. what is your favorite number?: 42 90. can you juggle?: nope 91. are you religious?: nope 92. do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting?: space 93. do you consider yourself to be a daredevil?: fuck no 94. are you allergic to anything?: dogs (but only the ones that shed) 95. can you curl your tongue?: probably 96. can you wiggle your ears?: no 97. how often do you admit that you were wrong about something?: pretty often, but it takes me a while to realize that i’m wrong 98. do you prefer the forest or beach?: beach 99. what is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you?: not everyone is as bad as one person who fucked you over. (we love my therapist) 100. are you a good liar?: depends on who i’m lying to 101. what is your hogwarts house?: hufflepuff 102. do you talk to yourself?: yep 103. are you an introvert or extrovert?: introvert 104. do you keep a journal/diary?: i try to, but it’s not going great 105. do you believe in second chances?: yes 106. if you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do?: turn it in 107. do you believe people are capable of change?: yes 108. are you ticklish?: yes, but if you even think about tickling me, be prepared for war. 109. have you ever been on a plane?: yeah 110. do you have any piercings?: no 111. what fictional character do you wish was real?: the entire dbh cast 112. do you have any tattoos?: nooooo 113. what is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far?: letting go of old friends 114. do you believe in karma?: yes 115. do you wear glasses/contacts?: i’m supposed to 116. do you want children?: YES 117. who is the smartest person you know?: my therapist 118. what is your most embarrassing memory?: all of them 119. have you ever pulled an all-nighter?: fuck yeah 120. what color are most of your clothes?: black + moss green 121. do you like adventures?: depends 122. have you ever been on tv?: i got interveiwed on the news because somebody stole my special needs bike (i have a disease that affects how i walk) 123. how old are you?: 14 124. what is your favorite quote?: “you can’t kill me, i’m not alive” 125. do you prefer sweet or savory foods?: sweet

#get to know me #kait.txt #x

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bathands · 7 years

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vld positivity day!

this is my contribution for @vldpositivityday for the amazingly talented and kind @kcgane i don’t even know where to begin to explain the depths of the creativity and talent this lovely lady has and if you haven’t already please take a listen/look at all of her music and writing on her ao3! (links on her profile)

without further ado please enjoy this little sheith drabble i wrote for you!

i wanna hold your hand

tags:

sheith, college/university au, alcohol use, mutual pining, light angst

[ao3 link if you prefer that for readability]

With the two of them, alone now, on the empty plastic seating around the football field, Keith swallowed another gulp of beer. Shiro sighed as he sat back, groaning softly with the satisfaction that came with stretching as he looked up at the sky above them. The night, painted with stars where the yellow glow of human habitation smeared into black. “Just you me and now, I guess?” Keith tried to mumble an agreement (say something funny, Keith, witty, endearing, anything) but instead all that came out was a half a ‘yeah’, and half a burp mangled in infancy by the slap of his palm against his mouth. Fuck! Why was he such a mess? Why now?

Why, when they were finally alone, when he finally had liquid courage thumping in his chest, was he losing his cool? All that shit about ‘remaining calm and conscientious under pressure’ he’d put on his college application now felt doubly like the garbled nonsense he’d thought it was when he’d wrote it. It didn’t matter what others around him said; that he was calm under pressure, that he was good at handling difficult situations without breaking a sweat. That he was confident, self assured, determined. It didn’t matter that they said he was always guilty of underselling himself.

God, right now, at this moment, when the world hinged on a bead of condensation travelling over the peaks of Shiro’s knuckles gripped around the beer bottle…

Ugh.

Every time he tried to think of something to say, to fumble through the awkwardness settling like low hanging cloud around them, his eyes and his mind just drifted to him.

Little things. Things that he hadn’t quite noticed before, from afar, or from their casual, platonic interactions up until now.

The shape of his fingers, the coiled strength that settled in the muscles of his hands, waiting.

The topography of the veins on his bicep, maps begging to be travelled.

The jut of his collarbones, his bob of his throat with every swallow, each breath a marvel.

Keith couldn’t stop thinking about how soft the hair behind his ears looked, and how much he wanted to touch him there, and so many other secret and private places that he was sure Shrio permitted no one else.

That was the thing though, wasn’t it? Shiro never showed interest in anyone. As far as Keith knew, of course: who was he to speculate into Shiro’s private life? but… the past few weeks they had spent so much time together, and Keith had ravenously noted every interaction Shiro shared with a benevolently smiling cheerleader. Their hands would sometimes grasp for his arm while they shared a joke, and Shiro would always politely retract himself, a calculated slowness that wasn’t quite like revulsion; just extraction.

Was it reading into things too much to acknowledge that it was Shiro himself that clapped his shoulder whenever Keith made him laugh? He never quite forgot the weight of his hand there. In it’s absence Keith felt it, hours later, curled up in bed underneath the blankets with a pillow clutched against his chest, heart bursting and blooming in his throat.

So what if it was reading too much into it? So what if this was all a misunderstanding? So what if he was wrong, and this was going to snap his shivering heart in two, and Shiro didn’t feel the same way? So what? If he didn’t say it now, then it was going to all spill out at some other time which was much more inconvenient for them both.

Better now than with an audience.

Keith glanced over at his friend, just to check if he was physically recoiling from his embarrassing attempt at human interaction, but Shiro appeared to be transfixed on the sky above. As Keith watched, Shiro took another drink, and he drank in the sight of the bottleneck pressing against his yielding lips with unguarded hunger.

He began to speak before he could stop himself; the syllable just tumbled out. Too late to stuff it back in, Keith frantically gathered his thoughts for something to say, anything. “I-.. I hope everyone got home alright. Y’know?”

Keith made sure he had turned his gaze back toward the football field by the time Shiro’s eyes found him again. He wondered what expression he might see on his face if only he could turn back around quick enough to catch the other off guard; how did Shiro look at him when he knew Keith wasn’t watching?

God, he wanted to know so badly it felt like pins and needles that wouldn’t abate no matter how much he fidgeted.

There was a pause before Shiro replied, preceded by the sound of him taking another drink. A gulp, his perfect lips smacking against glass. Shit.

“We walked Katie almost to her door, remember? I’ve told everyone to text me when they get in.”

Why had he hesitated? What was he thinking about it? Probably mentally cataloguing every one of their friends and their routes home, calculating the obstacles before them and the likelihood of their safety, and whether they ought to call one or more and check. Shiro was like that, a natural leader. He cared so much about everyone, was always the first person to offer help in any situation, no matter what the problem was.

Another silence gathered between them. At the beginning, Keith had cherished the safety their quiet offered; he didn’t need to try, not with Shiro, and silence was never awkward, just another aspect of the comfortable shared space between them. Lately, though, he’d come to resent it. There was so much he wanted to fill it with. So many words. So many proclamations.

Maybe he should whisper it, barely audible, then they could both pretend Shiro hadn’t heard. Maybe he should scream it, and then Shiro would know just much he felt it; too much, too big, too many words for his voice to contain in stuttered syllables.

Keith just wished he knew what was best. Shiro would know. If he asked him for advice, Shiro would do like he always did and smile gently and attend to his every concern with keen attention. What was the problem? How was it making him feel? How could he help? Methodically and calmly he would straighten out Keith’s frantic mind with a fluency that always caught Keith off guard. He would do anything just to… just to have five seconds of being with him, really being with him, whatever that meant. To touch him as more than a friend. To look at him unguarded, uninhibited. To breathe him in, to hold his hand, to just… damn it.

Three gulps of vodka wasn’t enough. Ten wouldn’t have been enough. He’d drank with everyone else, of course, but the extra gasping shots he’d downed in the bathroom had been secret. Unfortunately, the night had worn on, and on, and there had never been the perfect moment. Even at the height of his inebriation, Keith hadn’t dared broach this subject, not with someone else there, and now that they were finally alone he could already feel the buzz wearing off.

Now it was nerves alone making his head spin, his feet feel heavy. Maybe he'd drink some more once he got home and send him a text? Or would that be worse? There was the shift of movement behind him, and Keith felt his stomach fold inward, his only chance slipping out between his fingers, but all the same he took a deep breath and resigned himself to it. They would head home, and Shiro would part from him without a second glance, never knowing how Keith longed to look over his shoulder, fists curled at his side in resistance.

What had he been thinking, even considering this in the first place?

“Keith, you…”

Shiro's touch was tentative, at first, usual easy confidence seeming to stumble, before his hand settled on his shoulder. His fingers felt warm where they brushed the skin on the back of his neck.

The whole world snapped it’s tethers to Shiro’s careful fingers. What was happening? Was this happening?

Keith didn’t dare to breathe, every muscle rigid as he tried to process what was happening. There had been a note in Shiro’s voice that was unknown to him, foreign and lovely. His heart felt pinned to the sound of it. It didn’t matter that he didn’t know what it meant; maybe it was nothing at all like he thought and this was just another facet of platonic tenderness that Shiro was revealing to him, but part of him zealously clung to the small chance that it could be something. But then, it was ending, Shiro’s hand slowly pulling away, and only thing did Keith realise that for more than a few seconds he’d been sat silent and frozen while Shiro had waited for a response. There was a new quality in Shiro’s voice when he spoke next, something that hurt. “Keith…”

The hurt was unacceptable. Keith couldn’t stomach it! No matter what he felt, no matter how much of a pathetic loser he was being about avoiding his feelings, nothing was worth hearing Shiro hurt like that, no matter the reason!

Keith sprang to his feet, surprisingly balanced despite the world immediately swaying on it’s sides around him. He whipped around to face Shiro, the other flinching backwards with the shock written plainly across his face. Whatever he thought the response would be to what he’d done and what he’d said, Shiro clearly hadn’t accounted to Keith leaping up and turning flush to face him directly. Out in the chilly air, Shiro’s bronzed cheeks were rosy, each puff of breath curling from his lips in a vapor. What the hell were they thinking, sitting outside here in the middle of winter? Keith had never considered how ridiculous an idea it was suggesting to come here at the time, and he was only now also considering how Shiro had never objected.It was now or never. He had Shiro in his palm, and if he didn’t say it now, Keith knew he never could ever again. So, he steeled himself, took a breath. Quick and painless. Like a band aid. He could pull this off, tear the words out of himself so he wouldn’t have to carry them around anymore like a lead weight, and even if it went badly, it would feel better. It would. Even if Shiro hated him. Even if Shiro didn’t like him back. Even if Shiro calmly and kindly extracted himself from him like he did with those cheerleaders, pity in his eyes. Oh god, no. “I… I have something I gotta say!” Another breath, empty air, and the words failed to come. Shiro peered up at him expectantly, his expression struggling to settle on one singular emotion, instead morphing in between confusion and trepidation. Keith squeezed his hands into fists at his side, inhaling another deep lungfull of night air, as if that would help, as if it would somehow lend him the clarity to see the transparent solution to this awful mistake. No, he was cool. He had to think about something else, something other than Shiro’s depthless grey eyes pinning him against the sky. If he looked at them, thought about them, then he wouldn’t be able to function. He had to untangle his thoughts, and fast, before he tripped up over them and crushed this opportunity completely. “A-are you listening?” Shiro's confusion visibly multiplied by five. He nodded, hesitantly. “Yeah..?” Fucking hell. Shiro fidgeted, his fingers worrying absently at the peeling label of his beer bottle, though he didn’t look away from Keith’s face, even for a moment. That unrelenting stare, yielding nothing, confronting Keith with the thousand myriad emotions he desperately wanted to see, but didn’t believe he witnessing. It was the alcohol, surely, because there was no way someone like Shiro would ever look at someone like him like that. It didn’t matter if he was the top of his class, it didn’t matter that Shiro was always there by his side, it didn’t matter that Shiro told him that he mattered; some little part of Keith almost felt like he wanted to doubt it.

These things that he felt were so huge that he was almost afraid their bulk would crush them both if he ever breathed life into them. He couldn’t do this to him, to them.

Their friendship mattered too much; Shiro’s place in his life was far too essential to squander. Keith could feel his resolve crumble to dust somewhere in the pit of his stomach.

Stupid. This whole thing had been stupid, stupid, stupid.

Even though he hadn’t said anything, the look on his face had to be enough. Shiro would know, if he didn’t already, or he’d guess, and it’d all come out somehow. Lance would probably be jealous as all hell that Keith got the chance to hang out alone with Shiro, like he frequently was, and would pester the both of them about it, and the silence would be telling. Keith hated that the most. That tomorrow, things might be awkward.

“Keith..” The pity in that single word was a needle in his chest. Nope. Enough. Keith turned away, too fast, his feet skidding on damp concrete as he made a move towards the steps of the stands, but Shiro was quick too. Before he had time to form a thought Shiro’s hand had snatched at his own, rescuing him from a trip down onto his ass and steadying his teetering balance. God, he’d almost fallen face first onto the bleachers. What a disaster that would have been, of a greater magnitude than this night already was. Keith only noticed that Shiro had failed to let go of his hand, when he turned to thank him, and saw their fingers still tightly tangled together. It took every ounce of self control he could muster not to gawk at the sight of it; his hand fitting perfectly inside Shiro’s, their grasp nestled together like pieces of a puzzle. Clicking into place, at last.

He couldn’t speak. Tried to, even mumbled something, but no words came out. He tugged, once, subconsciously testing whether this was real and not some dream, but Shiro’s grip didn’t relent. If anything, it tightened.

“You can say it. Whatever it is.” Everything about Shiro was earnest. His eyes, his grip on his hand. Keith didn’t dare move or think, even breathing felt like a transgression into the sacred space of whatever Shiro was trying to get across. Those grey eyes begged him to listen, and Keith couldn’t have ignored their call even if he’d wanted to.

So he waited as a second passed, and then another, and Shiro seemed to second guess himself. The grip on his hand only grew tighter. Keith’s heart felt like it was strung up with tightening string, and every silent moment constricted his panic. Was there fear in those eyes? Anxiety? Those feelings in Shiro were so rare and felt so private that even Keith in his insecurity knew that whatever this confession on the tip of Shiro’s tongue was, it was intimate. That only multiplied Keith’s hysteria. It was was an effort to stop his lips from moving, from mouthing the words he was dying to hear from Shiro’s lips, even as he scolded himself for daring to actually think he was going to hear them. I like you. That was all he needed. That was all he wanted to hear, and all he'd wanted to say, and of course it was typical that neither of them could find the courage to get on with things and spit it out. What did come, eventually, was so much more. Every syllable a precious arc that Keith knew he would cherish forever, each perfect movement of it on Shiro’s lips as he watched transfixed while his wildest imagination unfolded before him. “I’d cross the universe for the chance to listen to what you had to say. And..” And? There was more? This was already so much, more than Keith had ever allowed himself to really expect. Keith swallowed the joy bubbling in his throat and focused on trying to remember to breathe, waiting impatiently for the rest. Did Shiro know that he had his heart teetering on a knife edge? By the look on Shiro’s face, it was suddenly abundantly clear that Shiro was wondering the very same thing about him.

“And to hold your hand, like this. I mean, I’ve wanted to, for a while. A really long time. I like you.” There it was. Real. It was real. Shiro liked him back. Shiro wanted him back. Shiro was holding his hand and saying these things to him, unequivocally confessing his affection so that there could be no misinterpretation. He was so transfixed by it that he forgot to answer out loud, staring dumbly at Shiro’s hand holding his own until the man spoke, nervously prodding for a response. “Keith?” He squeezed his hand, and Keith could have sworn he felt the same gesture in his chest as his heart swelled.

Fucking oblivious and hopeless, the both of them. This was ridiculous. Had everyone known, had everyone else seen it, from the very beginning? Now all Keith could think of was every little gesture or word or look he’d once doubted, and seeing them in a totally new light. Shiro’s attentiveness, his deliberate touches, his morning texts and his goodnight phonecalls. Even his own feelings made more sense now, like the whole world had been brought out of blurry focus, dragged into a new and wonderful light. He had been wrong to doubt himself. He had been wrong to doubt Shiro. From the beginning, he’d been by his side, and he always would be. “Me too.” “That’s good, since, well, we’re doing it. Holding hands.” Shiro’s soft chuckle was the sweetest music Keith had ever heard. “Not even first base and I was this nervous. Gosh, what are we like, huh?” Keith tried to laugh, he really did, but all that came out was a breathless puff of air that curled in tendrils in front of his face. It rose twisted in with the mist of Shiro’s breath until both evaporated into the night. He hadn’t realised just how cold he was until now, as if the warmth of Shiro next to him suddenly lit a beacon that beseeched him to seek it out. Damn it, he’d done enough resisting to last his entire life. Keith yielded control of his muscles, sinking against the solid weight of Shiro’s body at his side. Shiro responded almost habitually, nudging back against his shoulder; Shiro’s silent and playful displays of affection, secret and completely his. Eventually, he managed to speak, (“Yeah,” he’d muttered, pliant) even though he knew there was no need to. They could have sat like this for hours, and Keith would only have been able to think about the texture of Shiro’s palm flush against his own. Truthfully, no matter how cold it was getting, he wanted to remain here for hours. The emptiness of their comfortable silence was like stepping into a warm bath; he sank in deep, wreathing himself in it. Being without Shiro’s touch now would feel like an irretrievable loss until the moment he got to claim it for himself all over again. Some time did pass, until Shiro finally spoke again, and Keith knew that he felt the same way. He felt it, in the way Shiro had huddled nearer when Keith had shivered once, the grip on his hand tightening, and dipped his face closer. “‘Nother beer?” Oh yeah. They’d come out here to drink. Funny how easily Keith had forgotten those pretenses as if there had ever been any need for them. This was, after all, coming so naturally to the both of them that it almost felt like it had been the way it always was. “I guess why not?” Keith sighed, body going limp with relief, and sank back against the bleachers. The sky was still the same; whatever stars had aligned to place Shiro’s hand in his were hidden elsewhere, between them, within them. This couldn’t be real, this had to be a dream, but the warmth of Shiro beside him grounded him firmly in reality, as well as the steady grip of their fingers entwined together. Every breath filled him with a glow, as if the very air around them was turning iridescent. Maybe it was the alcohol, finally getting to him. Or maybe it was Shiro. Maybe that was what holding his hand felt like. A world where the stars were closer, and everything felt fine.

#vldposday2018 #writing #voltron #sheith #im come back to post this because sunny deserves to have a lot of nice things happen #hun i hope you have a lovely day and thanks so much for planning this event #i hope everyone is having fun and will continue and have lots of fun and be happy #im sure im not missed but thanks so much for allowing me to take part #also sorry its a little short #im getting spoiled so im vacate this tumblr again for a while

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surveys-at-your-service · 6 years

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Survey #121

“it’s the rich man’s war, but it’s the poor that fight.”

Does your refrigerator have an ice maker or do you use ice cube trays? Trays. Have you ever been searched by the cops? No. Do you draw your name in the sand at the beach? I never have just because... why? Are any of your great-grandparents still alive? No. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone? I'd rather sleep with Sara any night. Did your parents try to push you into a certain degree or career path? No. I was blessed with parents who seriously did encourage me to do what I wanted. What’s your favorite film genre? Horror. Would you ever dye your hair silver? It's on my to-do list. What color is your refrigerator? Black. What was the last thing you sent in the mail? My closure letter to Jason. What cuisine is your favorite restaurant? Italian. Have you ever visited hot springs? No, but I'd love to. Who was the last person/thing to lick you? My dog. If you had the chance to live anywhere in Europe, where would it be? Germany. Do you have a favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle? No, I never watched it. Do you like candy canes? Yeah. Do you prefer pads, tampons or something else? Tampons. Pads feel like bloody diapers. Have you ever visited someone in prison? No. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to eat? Sashimi. Are you the type of person to take naps, even if you’ve slept plenty? If I'm sad, stressed, or unbelievably bored, I sometimes will. Have you ever had casual sex? No, never would. Do you think it’s attractive for a man to wear eyeliner? I'm a sucker for that shit. Are you the kind of person who does not like talking about their past? Nah, I'm open about the dark parts now. Have you ever taken a ride in a convertible? Yeah, my brother had one. What size bed do you sleep on? Queen. What sort of music did you listen to when you were in high school? The same I do now, though I went through a more screamo phase. When was the last time you made out with somebody? Years ago. What month of the year was your mother born? August. Would you rather travel to Japan or Scotland? SCOTLAND. Does your house have a porch/balcony? We have a small front porch and a really big back one. Do you share a middle name with any of your siblings? Nicole that I know of, idk about Katie. Have there ever been any bushfires/wildfires in your area? No, but we've been a few hours away from some that were so large the smoke traveled here. Do you think age matters in friendship? Nope. One of my closest friends is in his early 30s. Do you enjoy clubs? If so, which club do you enjoy going to the most? I've never been to one and I'm really not interested in going. I can just imagine it being too loud and crowded. Do you take good care of your skin? Apparently not considering it's dry as fuck. Do you play any PC games? What is your favorite? Not currently. I loved WoW, but I'm not paying for the subscription when I could spend money on better things. What have you done to your room to make it cozy? Fill it with personal things. What is your favorite seasonal candy? (only available at certain times): Hm... candy canes. Are there any television shows you own in entirety on DVD or VHS? "Meerkat Manor." How far away from your house is the nearest gas station? Like two minutes. Have you ever been to SeaWorld? As a kid, yes. I never would as an adult because I don't support it. You can't keep whales in a damn pool. How long did your last relationship last? If you're talking about the last one that ended, like four months. Last person you watched a movie with? Sara. Have you ever touched a cow? Maybe? Do you call the ice cream topping “jimmies” or “sprinkles”? Sprinkles. Do you like the idea of promise rings in relationships? No real opinion. If you're not ready for engagement but know you will be one day, sure, give one if you mean it. Do you plan on dressing up for Halloween this year? Hopefully. Have you ever been on a subway? No. What do you usually buy for snacks when you go to the cinema? Popcorn and a soda. Look to your left and name five things you can see. Water bottle, medicine basket, Illidan poster, crashed ship lamp, and my Silent Hill 3 poster. Do you like having your lip softly bitten when you’re kissing? Yes. Have you ever been on a boat? Yep. Do you have or want any piercings? I have five, but I want my right nostril and collarbones pierced, plus loads more in my ears. Have you ever set foot in a tanning bed? Nope, never will. Skin cancer doesn't sound fun, nor does having to keep exposing myself to one to maintain a tan. Do you trust a lot of people? No. Do you have both a loud side and a quiet side? Yes. If you had to save one thing from your burning house, what would it be? Assuming Mom and Nicole are already out, my dog. What would you want your last words to be if you could choose them? I don't know, haven't thought of it. Guessing my family's there, in that case I'd want them to be "I love you so much." Can you sleep with the light on? Only if I'm seriously tired. Would you ever have a bird as a pet? Realistically, nah. I wouldn't be able to handle to likely noise. Do you know someone who’s been cremated? Not to my knowledge. Do you like canopy beds? YESSSSS. What is your favorite animated movie? Probably "The Lion King." Have you ever been 'violated'? I felt violated when Girt tried to make out with me when I in no way wanted it. He for a second tried following me as I pulled away, and that's when I really felt violated. Have you ever put gum on the bottom of your desk/chair? No, disgusting. There's trashcans for a reason. Would you rather open a used clothing store or an antique store? An antique store would be cool. Magenta, aqua, or coral? Coral. Would you rather be a wedding photographer or a nature photographer? Honestly, nature, but for income's sake, I'm aiming to be a wedding photographer. I'd love both, though. Have you ever had an ulcer? No. Have you ever felt like you were going to throw up while you were at school? In kindergarten, I was running for the trashcan and threw up on the floor. Whoops. What is your favorite type of donut? Cake and glazed. Have you ever walked through a labyrinth? No. Do you like avocado? EW. What is your favorite kind of bear? Pandas. If you have any piercings or tattoos, do you remember the name of the person who did them? June Bugg did one of my tattoos. I don't remember the others. Do you do that typical girl thing out in public where you have to have someone come into the bathroom with you? No, I'll go alone. What does your dad look like? Super tan, black hair that's mostly gray by now, connected beard and mustache, brown eyes, tall. Do you like chicken soup? Not really. Do you like deviled eggs? NO EW. Do you keep your fingers on the home keys when you type? Yes. What would you name your future son? Probably Severin. When was the last time you used a regular telephone? Been yeeeaaars.Do you like the moon or sun more? The moon. Do you think dimples are ugly? Personally think they're real cute. Has your boyfriend/girlfriend ever stayed up with you all night? Not my current girlfriend, but an ex. Are you a paranoid person? Yup. Have you ever been in an inflatable bouncy house? Yeah. Have you ever seen a nun in public? No. Who was the last person to kiss you on the cheek? Sara. Have you ever played in a waterfall? No. What job would you NEVER take, even as a last resort? Prostitution, for one. Who was the last person you sat beside at a restaurant? Sara. Have you used Limewire before? Ha ha yeah. Is the taste of alcohol appealing to you? Noooo. If I ever drink, it has to be fruity and cover the taste well. What’d you last look up on YouTube? A KittyKatGaming video because I knew Mark was in it lmao. Would you ever get a tattoo sleeve? FUCK YES I WOULD. I'm already planning on dedicating my entire right arm to things that relate to my recovery, so I could kinda design it into a sleeve. Do you have appreciation for graffiti? It can be gorgeous and super creative. Personally don't mind graffiti if it's not vandalizing a public-public place and isn't offensive. If you could learn a superpower in exchange for your memory would you do it? Definitely not. Do you know any TV shows’ theme songs by heart? Which ones? "That '70s Show" and "Supernatural." Have you ever gotten stitches? Twice. What’s your favorite music video at the moment? "Cool Patrol" by NSP will always be the answer to this. Your take on one-night stands? Are they okay? It's a no from me. Have you ever had sex outside? No. Have you ever needed to call the police? No. How do you feel about kettle cooked chips? Ew. What strange food combinations do you thoroughly enjoy? My dad loves waffles with peanut butter and syrup, so I tried it when I was young. It's AMAZING. Would you considered yourself to be well-exposed to life or sheltered? Too exposed. If you’re in a relationship, how long have you been dating? Six months. Have you ever played the game Halo? No. Have you ever had to learn lines for a play/skit/movie? Not that I remember. Can any of your friends sing very well? Sara has a gorgeous voice. Have you ever been attacked by an animal? No. Who did you dance with last? Colleen. Can you speak in different accents? British. Has anyone ever aimed a gun at you? No. Have you ever been through a natural disaster? Hurricanes. Have you ever been in a parade? No. Have you ever had a dream where you could understand a foreign language? No. Have you ever owned a beanbag chair? Maybe? Are you a fan of retro things? YES. Have you ever used pastels? Yes. Who was the last person you flipped off? Probably Colleen or Chelsea playfully. Would you consider yourself to be loyal? Very. Who was the last person you shared a bed with? Sara. Do you know anyone who has been abused? Yes. What is your brother’s name? Robert/Bobby. Did you ever go to daycare as a kid? VERY briefly. One of the adults hit me simply for going into the wrong room. Have you ever experienced a medical emergency? Yes, when I passed out and got a concussion plus a deep wound in my chin. And when I overdosed. Do you know anyone who has been to prison? I don't think so. Do you have one of those removable hand-held shower heads? Yes. How many burners does your stove have? Four. When you go to a restaurant, do you prefer to sit at a booth or a table? Booth. What’s something you think everyone should do/experience at least once in their life? A different country. Working towards that. What is the last compliment you received? That my singing was pretty. /v\ Do you shower facing the water or away from it? Away. Do you wash your body or hair first? Hair. Do you put your name on your food coverings? No. What is the most daring thing you’ve ever done? Fly alone. Have you ever given to any charities? Yes. What have you created that you are most proud of? Some, imo, interesting OCs that I love like chilren. Who was your favorite Disney princess as a child? Ariel. When did you do your first illegal activity? When I was in middle school, downloading music. When did you lose your virginity? I don't remember the age because at the time I didn't consider my virginity lost. I'd guess 17-18. Do you like your boyfriend/girlfriend’s parents? I LOVE THEM. Are you taller than your mom? She's less than an inch taller than me. Where did you get your last bruise/cut from? Bruise from working out on the floor, cut, idk. Is anyone over-protective over you? Not really. Mom's pretty protective, but not overly, I'd say. Have you ever had to call the cops on someone? No. Are your parents divorced? Yes. Who do you think is the most attractive actor? Johnny Depp. Are you good at wrapping presents? NOOOOOO. Who were the last two boys to text you? Dad and Girt. Are there certain things that can’t be joked about with you? Yep. Have you ever read the Hunger Games series? I read the first book. Are your lips soft? Everyone who's kissed me has told me so, yet I think they're dry as fuck?? Your thoughts of long distance relationship? Being in one, they're definitely hard, but SO damn worth it for when you actually see the person. I think it's true that distance makes the heart grow fonder. Do you drink regular or diet sodas? Regular, diet gives me a headache.

#survey #quiz #questions

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onestowatch · 4 years

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BLACKSTARKIDS on Harnessing 2000s Nostalgia, Comfort Food, and Debut Album ‘Whatever, Man’ [Q&A]

BLACKSTARKIDS’ music can best be described as forward-facing nostalgia. Born and raised in Raytown (a small suburb at the outskirts of Kansas City), tyfaizon, Deiondre, and TheBabeGabe of BLACKSTARKIDS grew up in the throes of a golden era for rap, bubblegum pop, and indie rock. All cultural phenoms in their own right, traces of these genres can be found spattered throughout BLACKSTARKIDS’ work.

Hot on the heels of their SURF mixtape, the Dirty Hit signees are hard at work on their debut studio album, Whatever, Man. I caught up with Ty, Gabe, and Deiondre over email to ask them about comfort food, their lead single “BRITNEY, BITCH,” and what it means to be a BLACKSTARKID.

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Ones To Watch: How would you describe BLACKSTARKIDS’ music in non-genre terms?

Ty: I’d say BLACKSTARKIDS is coming of age music. Nostalgia plays a large factor in what we do too. We try to make what sounds and feels good to us, but we still find ways to attack a lot of issues in the music too.

Gabe: I’d describe BLACKSTARKIDS music as very young and nostalgic. It’s always very fun and makes me feel like I’m in a completely different era.

Deiondre: I would say BLACKSTARKIDS music sounds like a day in a life but in a song, a lot of the songs sound nostalgic and bright and sounds like it would be be a soundtrack to our lives. “BRITNEY, BITCH” is so carefree and anthemic.

What was the inspiration for the single (besides the Princess of Pop herself)?

Ty: We were inspired by how bright and confident a lot of the pop music from the 2000s was, so we just thought it’d be fun to do a song where we fully indulged in that.

Gabe: The inspiration for “Britney Bitch” is us living out our wildest dreams. We talk about wanting to be iconic pop stars, winning the lottery, driving in Teslas, and becoming heartthrobs. The song feels so 2000s and I feel we really captured that with our lyrics.

Deiondre: The track was inspired by music that wasn’t afraid to be flashy and bold back in the 2000s. I think it’s pretty awesome and funny that we did a song like this because we’re some pretty nice kids. I would want anybody to feel great about themselves after listening to the song.

What music did you listen to growing up in Raytown?

Ty: I listened to every rap album I could get my hands on as a kid, I have an embarrassing amount of rap knowledge. From new to old, I always wanted to be able to have an opinion and I loved debating adults on rap when I was a kid. My favorite rap was Kanye West, Jay-Z, A Tribe Called Quest, Wayne, any Wu-Tang, Outkast, and then I found modern stuff like Cudi and eventually Odd Future and that changed everything. I started listening to rock when I was 10, Nirvana was my first band and I still love them and then I got really into bands like MGMT, Smashing Pumpkins, Radiohead, etc. and went down a rabbit hole. Those are the two main genres I listened to as a young kid but now I like to give everything a try, I’ll probably find songs I love by almost every artist.

Gabe: I remember when I got my first iPod nano as kid and being so excited. Before I would just listen to music on the computer or through my Hello Kitty CD player. The first album I remember adding was Graduation by Kanye West. That album holds so many childhood memories in my heart and it’s absolutely one of my faves. I grew up listening to Missy Elliot, Madonna, Destiny's Child, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Nelly Furtado, and so many more legends. The list can literally go on forever.

Deiondre: I was listening to a lot of Indie and rap. A lot of Childish Gambino, Alvvays, Mac Miller, and a lot of our close friends we made music with especially. Having music from our friends that I actually listened to consistently was super cool.

If you could Postmates anything right now, what would it be?

Ty: I can count on two hands how many times I’ve ever eaten this, but right now a philly cheesesteak sounds really good. My classic meal is buffalo wings and ranch though I eat that way too much, fries on the side and this drink called Green Goodness always helps too.

Gabe: If I could postmates anything right now it would be a slice of pizza from this called Sbarro. There isn’t one in Kansas City unfortunately. That’s probably in my top five pizza places.

Deiondre: I would definitely be getting some hot wings delivered to me ASAP. They’re like my favorite snack food of all time.

What can listeners expect for Whatever, Man? How does it differ from SURF?

Ty: Whatever, Man is happier than SURF, we were a lot happier when we made it. It’s brighter, and I think the production and songwriting have only developed. It’s a fun album, listening to it is a good time. The intro sounds like a theme song.

Gabe: Whatever, Man is a lot brighter than SURF. I feel like you’ll be able to really hear the band forming and us growing as artists. Whatever, Man is really special to us and I’m so excited to share it with the world.

Deiondre: Whatever, Man sounds more bigger and colorful than SURF and it sounds like we’re fully living out the life always we dream of. I’m super excited for everyone to hear it.

What is the first thing you’re doing once quarantine ends?

Ty: Going to a local show then the next day Matty Healy is gonna open his door and see me. He’s not going to expect it but it’s going to happen.

Gabe: When quarantine ends, I want to go to a theme park. I didn’t get to ride any roller coasters this summer and I really miss the thrill of it.

Deiondre: When quarantine ends, I’m for sure going to a show, it’s been too long since I’ve moshed and I’ve got tons of energy I wanna release for performances as well.

How do you define what it means to be a BLACKSTARKID?

Ty: Being a BLACKSTARKID is being black and being yourself, BLACKSTARKIDS is not exclusionary to any type of person that looks like us. We were sort of outcasted growing up, but I feel like too many “artsy black kids” grow up and outcast people themselves. That’s not the goal for us, we want to make life easier for everyone who looks like us.

Gabe: Being a BLACKSTARKID means you’re being your true self and not caring what others think. Growing up and kind of feeling like an outcast but not really giving a damn mindset. We want everyone to feel welcomed when listening to our music and when they get to see us on stage.

Deiondre: Being a BLACKSTARKID means fully accepting yourself for who you really are and never giving up on yourself as well. It can be hard sometimes being yourself whenever you need to, but I hope for people to feel a release through listening to our music and that it will make them feel good.

Who are your Ones To Watch?

Ty: There’s so many exciting artists right now. AG Club, Huron John, Hadji Gaviota, and then of course my close friends make great music too like Paris Williams, and Monogram.

Gabe: Paris Williams, AG CLUB, Vida, Huron John, Monogram, Medici, and Hadji Gaviota.

Deiondre: AG CLUB, Huron John, Paris Williams, Hadji Gaviota, Medici, Monogram.

#blackstarkids #interview #whatever man #pop #anti pop #alternative

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calzonekestis · 7 years

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@agent13: Jackie hasn’t been active in quite a while, but she’s always been kind to me and her blog has has A+ opinions and content.

@ar-se-ne: IDEK how long I’ve been following Cristian, but he’s a really nice guy with whom I have similar interests. He’s also someone that I’ve kind of of been inspired by in some ways. I don’t want to get too personal information, but it involves introspection and self improvement and yeah. I’m proud of him. He should be proud of himself.

@chujo-hime: I remember like circa 2012-2013 I had a ~moment~ because the webmaster of FYBN followed me. Chujo always has quality content, and is someone I respect for being very genuine and respectful. If something’s drawn her ire or made her bitter, she has a reason for it, and can write a solid meta on why it’s bullshit. At the same time, she’s someone who I’ve looked to when I consider how to handle my own fandom disagreements. It’s not worth arguing with people on the internet, it’s never fun. So long as people enjoy what they enjoy? Stay in their lane and let others do the same? We can all get along~~~

@cimikat: Katie is another person who I don’t even remember following. I can’t really remember my tumblr experience before her, though? I can say without any hyperbole though that she’s probably the nicest person I’ve ever encountered on this website? Literally, I can’t think of a single time I’ve seen her be salty. Upset and disappointed, sure, but she doesn’t wallow in negativity the way some people do and have in the past. If she enjoys something, she’s enthusiastic about it. If she no longer enjoys it? You won’t see her b*tch about it. She’s just very upbeat.

@dazzledfirestar: Daz shares my love of certain villains (Sin and Crossbones) while fully recognizing they’re deplorable human beings. That’s just one of the more superficial reasons I respect her. She’s another person who’s also genuine, and whom by following I feel like I’ve actually learned a lot? And I actually like to learn. Ignorance isn’t always mean spirited, and in the past I’ll admit I’ve been an ignorant white boy. Not that I was prejudice, there was just a lot I was either blind to or unaware of. I’ve learned a lot about Romani culture by following Daz. A lot of history, a lot about the struggles and persecution they still face to this day. I also learned lot about the LGBT community; which honestly was a big help when I was trying to figure out/accept my bisexuality.

@diaryofawriter: What do I even say about you? believe we met because we both RP’d in the same fandoms and enjoyed the same content. Comics, OUAT, Harry Potter, and Star Wars. She’s both listened to me flail or rant countless times, either feigning or expressing genuine interest… for that I’m truly appreciative. She’s also helped me when it comes to letting go of things that are no longer fun or enjoyable for me (OUAT) and focus on the things that do bring me joy. A role model in that sense. >.>

@diisnerd: Leah. Leah was someone I met though a mutual friend, and while they’re closer than I am with her… I let me just say I have so much fucking respect for Leah. She’s just a good, loyal, protective, and caring friend. We have a lot of the same interests, too. We don’t talk all that often about them, but when we do it’s always an enjoyable conversation.

@dreamimpcssiblethings: Kath. Jesus. You know how much you mean to me, I should hope. You’re one of my best friends. It’s not even that we like a lot of the same things (we do) but you’re just very hard not to like? You’re super intelligent, super passionate. Be it about fandom things, classic literature, or just life. If one good thing came out of the rise and fall of my OUAT fandom, it was meeting you. All the salt is worth it for knowing you~

@ilikethequiet: Ally was one of the first people I met in the OUAT fandom, via a mutual friend/aquiantence. She’s a wizard when it comes to making edits and graphics. She’s someone with whom I’ve been salty on many an occasion, and I lured her into the iZombie fandom with me when our favorite actors transitioned over to that show. She’s just a delight. She also somehow made an AU graphic for a trashy ~problematic~ hateship look classy? Real friends hunt down topless screencaps so they can make you smutty collages for your birthday.

@jjoelswatch: Sarah is one of the first people I can remember following on tumblr. She’s another person where I wouldn’t recognize my dash without her. I’m starting to sound like a broken record, but I really respect her. She’s just a good person, very down to Earth and very witty. We don’t talk that much, but it’s always very pleasant when we do? Sarah was the first one to reach out and respond when I came out as bi. I’m still not out to my family. When I posted that little confession, I didn’t know what to expect. I simultaneously cared and didn’t care how people responded. It was weird, because it was something I had tried to deny and rationalize for so long. It’s something that no one should even care about, but Sarah empathized and realized it was kind of a big deal for me? Her reassurance that I wasn’t alone, even in such a short and concise message meant a lot. She’s one of my favorite mutals tbh.

@kennyhoemega: Bethany is a Goth Goddess. I’m not just saying that because she demanded the best compliment. On a superficial level, she’s just really pretty?? Now that’s out of the way, let me tell you legitimate reasons why she’s one of my favorite people to follow. She’s got great taste in music, she loves Star Wars, dabbles in Marvel and Harry Potter. You see a theme here with people I follow. She just also tends to reblog really neat things unrelated to those? I’ve gotten into astrology because of her. It’s mostly her fault that I’ve started watching wrestling again, bc there’s nothing good on TV and her passion is contagious and the gifs she reblogs are wild. She also has the best tags out of anyone I follow, bar none. I don’t even know when I first followed her either, around 2012 or so, but I know that it was absolutely 100% Sarah’s fault. Thank you, Sarah. TBH the first time I remember interacting with Bethany was when I added a gif and sarcastic comment to one of her salty posts about people trying to woobify Brock Rumlow. The next day, I realized this was likely not the best way to make a first impression? Fortunately she assured me that she got it, and that we were cool. Which is a relief, because as I’ve told her (and IDK if she believes me) she’s probably one of the coolest people I follow? It’s come to light that neither of us are big talkers, so we don’t actually talk that much… but she’s really rad. IDK when it started but she’s consistently been in my tumblr crushes for ages. Lots of mutual reblogging, again, lots of respect. She’s witty and intelligent. That’s not butt-kissin’, I’ve seen her post about certain tests and looked them up out of curiosity and wow. Yeah. Bethany also has the longest compliment, so that should make her happy. There was something about my needing a nuclear bunker if she wasn’t on this list. She deserves it though, she’s another one of my faves.

@kittenspawn: Nichole is my unofficial big sister. I say that as someone who actually has a big sister. She messaged me in 2012 with questions about Bucky and Natasha, and from that point on she was screwed. She got me into Hellboy in turn, but I like to think I’ve thoroughly corrupted her and caused her to spend far too much money on certain things. Nichole is someone who I can go weeks without talking to, and yet we can fall right back into conversation as if we talked the night before. She’s been a terrible enabler over the years, but she’s also been there for me during some difficult times and when I’ve done very stupid and questionable things. I know she’ll say I’ve been there for her as well, but the scales are seriously tipped here. When I need advice, or when I need to talk to someone about something serious… she’s the person I go to. I can always count on her, and she’s pretty much family at this point.

@ohmygil: Gil. I think I found you through Davis? You’re just a very sensible person, and very rational about a lot of things. It’s refreshing to see that on the internet these days. You’re someone who I don’t think I’ve ever had a actual ‘discussion’ with, but I’m including you here because I really enjoy your presence on my dash. I stopped reading DC regularly with the New 52, and pretty much all my DC intake these days is absorbed through your blog. You also get points for liking Superman. Some people think he’s too powerful, or a big boy scout, and while I’ve never regularly collected his titles I am a fan.

@prof-anity: …You know, I was tempted to leave you off this list just to be a dick. Yours would be the longest entry, so I’m keeping it short because what is there to even say? How much needs to be said? Seven years ago you met a bitter teenage douchebag on a message board. You made the mistake of accepting his friendship when he reached out to you. You’ve stuck with me through highs and lows, man. It’s one of those relationships again, where we may not talk every day. We may not be up to date on the details and goings on in each other’s lives… but you said it yourself. Our friendship has been one of the best constants in the past seven years. A third of your life, btw. Isn’t that depressing? You are, truly, the best friend I have ever had. One day I’m going to meet you, hug you, and then insult you to your face. You’re truly a brother to me. I love you.

@readytocomply: Stef! Stef is a delight. Always pleasant, always fun. She’s also super creative? She makes great edits, great cosplays, and is just pretty damn great over all. Stef is another person who I try to model myself after when it comes to shipping things. Re: Multi-Shipping. Stef ships Steve and Bucky. I do not. Stef also ships Bucky and Natasha. Stef respects canon and appreciates Sharon Carter. All this may sound inane but I’m glad I didn’t meet Stef until I did, because 2013 Tim might have been a little asshole re his ships and missed out befriending a great person because of his own stubborness… that could cross into douchebaggery. Stef has quality content on her blog at all times. Sebastian Stan. Marvel. Star Wars. Mark Hamill.. Harry Potter. Tron. Just general film. Chicken nuggets. Stef is a quality person with a quality blog.

@rocktheholygrail: Dana is someone I met through the iZombie fandom, and she is another wizard. A gif wizard, who has too often indulged my requests or suggestions. She’s another person whose enthusiasm is contagious. I was able to convince her to watch the entirety of Prison Break (save the revival) in less than a month before it was taken off Netflix. I don’t think I ever apologized for that. Dana also is trash tho, bc like me, her favorite iZombie character is the trashiest. I say that tongue in cheek, at least the first part. It’s really been great though to have someone who recognize a character as both human and horrible, and who is capable of watching and enjoying them despite their being problematic. If this was another fandom, I’d expect to be judged or ostracized, but instead I’m enabled once again.

@swanmagic: Gia is another person who doesn’t post on tumblr much (at least her personal) these days, but I’m including her because she’s been one of my favorite RP partners for years and we still talk from time to time on twitter. She’s just a great writer, great person, great friend. She’s another person who has excellent (and varied) musical taste.

@thealbooty: I met Alberto through Davis. It’s another thing where I don’t remember the circumstances, there was just one day where suddenly Alberto was in my life. Alberto is just a good guy… and I just mean good. He’s pure. If Davis is Spongebob, I’m Squidward and Alberto is Patrick. Only not as dumb. We don’t talk as much these days which makes me sad, but I love him too. Back in the day the three of us used to have group Skype chats and watch movies together. There was one day when Davis couldn’t make it or wasn’t online, and he and I just watched Hellboy and chatted for a few hours. That’s when Alberto went from being a friend of a friend to my friend. I’m glad he’s my friend.

@thejazzdalek: Max is another person, like Gil, who I’ve never really had a discussion with? He’s followed me for ages though, both on tumblr and on twitter and I appreciate that. I don’t really know him that well after all this time, embarrassingly. He seems like a nice guy, though. Big into Doctor Who, OUAT, DC, Marvel, just sci-fi and fantasy in general.

@timelessmulder: Emily-Alice is someone who I’ve been mutuals with since like 2012 I think. I don’t even know if we’re in the same fandoms anymore, but we keep following each other regardless. Over the years we’ve discussed everything from OUAT to DC, and these days when we talk it’s mostly to pick apart The Flash. She’s someone who has been with me for ages though, and has seen things.

@uhohjonsnow: So Betty is one of the first friends I actually made on tumblr when I engaged in fandom? I was an obnoxious teenage white boy who thought he was straight and acted like it, and she tolerated me anyway. Again, she’s someone who was witness to a lot of nonsense. We really were dicks to each other, lmao. I adore her though, bc she really is sweet and laid back. We went for years without talking,not due to any falling out, but we just drifted apart. She actually took a year off tumblr and recently returned, and we reconnected. She also accidentally deleted her blog and started fresh, so um, go follow her!

@uminoko: We’ve been mutuals for like years, and she’s just a nice person? Again, that’s a pathetic compliment, but it is true. She’s also another individual who I feel I’ve learned from by following? Part of that has to due with her being a former civil rights lawyer, but beyond that she’s just yet another smarty pants who I don’t talk to that much. She also messaged me privately when I came out, and made me laugh when I needed it. Also, she’s an actual Russian who is a fan of Black Widow and Winter Soldier.

@uncleclustersthirdbrain: Donnie. This might be a little weird, because Donnie and I only reconnected like two weeks ago after three years of not really talking to each other? Again, there’s no bad blood, and he deserves to be on here. I’ve actually known him for five years, we met through his girlfriend Morgan. Donnie’s another person who has seen things, re seen me at my worst. Most obnoxious, outspoken, salty, dickish… and so on. I’ve always sort of looked up to him, though? Back when 17 going on 18 year old Tim met him, there was a sort of ‘notice me sempai’ thing going on. He’s yet another person who is too cool for me. In spite of toolish tendencies, there were times when Donnie reached out to make sure I was okay when I was being dramatic and having anxiety attacks over damn comic books. It sounds ridiculous, and it was, but at the time comics were my escape and how I dealt with a lot of tough shit I was going through. I was invested. Heavily invested, to an unhealthy degree. He’s just a good person who cares about his friends, and people in general. He’s also a fucking brilliant writer, who just recently put out his first comic. So I’m going to use this as another excuse to pimp it for him. Not because he’s my friend, but because I’m a selfish bastard who wants to read more and wants you to give him money so he can make more. He makes no personal profit from it, all the money goes towards paying his artists and the production. I’ve pretty much walked away from buying monthly comics, but as I’ve told Donnie, this is one I would pull. The first issue of And The Hare had some of the best dialogue I’ve read in a comic in easily the last year. At least.

@xeleyan-tequila: I met Chelsea through the OUAT fandom, and like me she gave up on the show a long time ago. She’s another person I don’t really talk to that much these days, but she’s a lovely person with a lovely blog who posts a little bit of everything. There are personal details to our relationship I won’t get into bc it’s no one’s business, and though we’re still friendly we sort of fell out of touch. I enjoy following her though, and she’s a wonderful human being.

#cw long post #long post for ts

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bobbystompy · 7 years

Text

My Top 120 Songs Of 2017

Previously: 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011

The one saving grace is we do have 12 fewer than last year.

As always, criteria and info:

This is a list of what I personally like, not ones I’m saying are the “best” from the year; more subjective than objective

No artist is featured more than once

If it comes down to choosing between two songs for an artist, I try to give more weight to a single or featured track; not the ultimate factor, but it typically makes sharing the music easier

Speaking of… each song on the list is linked in the title if you wanna check any or every out for yourself

Oh, also, off the suggestion of Mike Gilkes -- and a few others -- I made this whole thing into a Spotify playlist, which you can peep here (includes 114 of the 120):

Let’s go?

youtube

120) Big Sean & Metro Boomin f/ 21 Savage - “Pull Up N Wreck”

Some mediocre, listenable rap made by dudes who know a bit better (well, at least 2/3rds of them).

119) Maroon 5 f/ Future - “Cold”

This song makes me feel mostly nothing... but the first minute of the video does have some solid Adam Levine alone-in-the-car acting.

/oh my god it has 119 million views

This was a lot easier to enjoy when I assumed it went unnoticed. Bonus points for the Wu-Tang shirt at the end.

118) Bleachers - “Hate That You Know Me”

Closed out 2017 undecided as ever on one Jack Antonoff. Should we hate him for dating Lena Dunham? Somehow respect him more? Give him mega credit for his big time pop songwriting collabs? Or is that a ding? Is he a nerd or the coolest guy in the cocktail bar? I do not know the answers to any of these questions, and this song is merely OK.

UPDATE: THEY GAWN

117) B.o.B f/ T.I. & Ty Dolla $ign - “4 Lit”

Real bad song with a mindless/terrible/misogynistic chorus. Yet... something about professional musicians sitting in a room and coming up with “4 Lit” as some sort of escalated to catchphrase to “lit” is just hilarious.

116) Prophets of Rage - “Unfuck The World”

Sure, this hits a lot of the same beats as Rage Against The Machine’s “Sleep Now In The Fire” from 18 years ago, but in these increasingly polarized, political times, I welcome their voice.

115) Kacy Hill - “Like A Woman”

This song is so chill and ethereal that it seems almost unfeasible for my punk/hip-hop/XX chromosome havin’ ass to completely sync with its wave.

114) The Decemberists - “Ben Franklin’s Song”

What happens when pop indie teams up with the lyrical stylings of Lin-Manuel Miranda? Well, this. I’m not sure if The Decemberists drop f-bombs in any of their other songs, but it pleases me to think it only happened here.

113) Offset & Metro Boomin - “Ric Flair Drip”

Mostly here for the beat.

112) Hurray For The Riff Raff - “Hungry Ghost”

A cool song that’s hard to put into a box. Indie? Pop? Rock? Forget labels, just enjoy.

(Minus a few points for the low hanging “girl/world” rhyme)

111) Wavves - “Dreams Of Grandeur”

I was pretty let down by the new Wavves LP, but this song sounds enough like the old stuff to be a net positive (despite being, like, 70 seconds too long)

110) Culture Abuse - “So Busted”

Culture Abuse got on my radar with last year’s all-timer, “Dream On”. It was an unrelenting, robotic pulverization. “So Busted” is more of a drug comedown; a ballad, even. While “Dream On” wanted to seek you out and kill you like a terminator; “So Busted” just wants a cuddle.

109) Trey Songz - “#1Fan”

This song is so dumb and funny and pseudo competent. Really not sure how the R&B guys get away with this shit.

108) The Killers - “The Man”

Is this in a movie? It should be in a movie. It’s kind of, like, a better version of what Arcade Fire has been trying to be.

107) New Lenox - “Protest Sweater”

A good song for the ending 2017 -- or any year, really -- and its run time (1:30) would make Joyce Manor proud.

106) Logic - “Everybody”

This is really good, but it reminds me so much of Kendrick that it becomes distracting.

105) Gorillaz f/ DRAM - “Andromeda”

Didn’t spend enough time listening to the new Gorillaz record, but I actually put the blame on them: it was long, man. So while I woulda loved to pick one of the songs with a cool cameo (hi, Vince Staples!), this is the one I actually had around the most. It’s all we’ve come to expect from this cartoon band -- kinda British, kinda futuristic, very undisturbed. Also, if it gets you back to the album before me, I heard that Damon Albarn told all collaborating artists to record their parts like the world was ending tomorrow.

104) Dropkick Murphys - “Blood”

If you know me at all, you know I historically have not been a fan of this band. But for whatever reason, this one connected -- bagpipes and all.

103) Captain, We’re Sinking - “Books”

CWS was never, ever going to top the falling-apart-desperation of 2013′s “The Future Is Cancelled”, but this song comes pleasantly close.

102) IRONTOM - “Be Bold Like Elijah”

My buddy Crooks rec’d this band, and the guitars give me Queens Of The Stone Age vibes in the best possible way. A bio on lastFM compared them to Arctic Monkeys, and you know what? I agree with that, too.

101) Jidenna - “A Bull’s Tale”

This song feels primed to explode and makes you wanna rip the shirt off your chest; only we don’t know if the bomb’s gonna blow in the middle or at the end.

100) Jeff Tweedy - “I Am Trying To Break Your Heart”

Yeah yeah, the original version of this dropped in 2002, and yes, it’s just a cover by the dude who originally sang it. I... do not care. It made me appreciate the confessional regret all over again.

99) Talib Kweli f/ Yummy Bingham & Jay Electronica - “All Of Us”

It was all bad just a week ago

Kweli and Jay Elect are a collab made in conscious rap heaven, so this song was more than a pleasant surprise.

98) Rise Against - “House On Fire”

This song could have been on “Revolutions Per Minute”. Or maybe I’m just saying that because of the hand grenade lyric in the chorus.

97) HAIM - “Want You Back”

Can’t imagine there being a lamer song on this list. HAIM and Bleachers should get in a wuss rock beef that ends with pistols.

96) The Bigger Empty - “By Its Own (So What)”

My producer plays bass in this band. This song is super solid, and, maybe most importantly in these completely divisive times, unoffensive and approachable. Kinda Hush Sound-y.

95) Little Big Town - “Lost In California” (note: link is to live version)

From the bros and broettes who brought us “Day Drinking” comes this much more subdued track. If you squint, it doesn’t really even seem like country. Granted, if they sang “Alabama” instead of “California”, you could probably call that claim out immediately.

94) Lana Del Rey - “Heroin”

Another beautiful/dreamy song from an artist who’s near-perfected that niche.

93) Wavves & Culture Abuse - “Up And Down”

Wavves and Culture Abuse have already made appearances on this list, and we haven’t even cracked the Top 80. Fortunately, their collaboration scored a little higher than their individual outputs. Shout out to their uplifting outro “I’ll just get high and I’ll die alone”.

92) The Chainsmokers & Coldplay - “Something Just Like This”

This song played at my gym all the time, and I was positive it was Coldplay. Then someone told me it was The Chainsmokers. Then I looked it up on YouTube, and it says “The Chainsmokers & Coldplay”... so what’s the deal, assholes?

91) Lil Peep f/ Lil Tracy - “Awful Things”

I hadn’t heard of Lil Peep when I found out of his passing in 2017. After looking up some pictures, I was nearly 100% positive his music was not for me. This was incorrect. I haven’t really listened to songs that sound like his; it’s kind of like rap that treads this line of being bad while also kinda sounding like alternative rock; destructive love song that doesn’t flinch.

90) AFI - “Dark Snow”

Nothing new, but Davey Havok can still sing circles around almost anybody.

89) Dashboard Confessional - “Love Yourself” (link is to live, partial version)

Well, Dashboard covered Biebs, and we all lived to tell the tale.

88) Garrett Dale - “2016 Was...”

This song would be a blast as a singalong in a late night hotel room. There’s something calming about celebrating -- or at least acknowledging -- everything sucking.

87) Katy Perry f/ Skip Marley - “Chained To The Rhythm”

Got more than a few issues with this song, but it’s catchy, so they’re mostly forgiven. Even though it’s Katy Perry, I was pretty surprised to see it racked up 444 million views.

And seriously who the hell is Skip Marley?!

86) The Ramblin’ Boys Of Pleasure - “Glug, Glug, Glug”

Now is probably a good time to plug the lead track from my band’s b-sides record that came out this year (ten years in the making, baby!). Mandatory listening if you’ve ever bonged brandy, partied in Champaign, or counted down in a country voice.

85) Charly Bliss - “Glitter”

It’s been nearly a year, but it’s still somewhat difficult to calibrate this singer’s voice. Is it a little too saccharine, too childlike, or just perfect? You be the judge.

84) Emperor X - “Wasted On The Senate Floor”

This singer is real god damn frenetic.

83) Father John Misty - “Total Entertainment Forever”

/obligatory “yes, this is the one with the Taylor Swift lyric” reference

FJM has such a pro’s pro voice and makes super sound music... but it’s also kinda hard to have an overall opinion. The more 50-50 I get, the more I think it’s not all that great. The video is a microcosm. Like... why is Macaulay Culkin paying Cobain? Is this a commentary on capitalism? Oooh, nah nah nahs are nice! As divided as I still am, I’m pretty positive this song is good-if-not-great.

82) St. Vincent - “New York”

This song is further proof that soft, radio friendly music can still benefit from a well placed “motherfucker”.

81) Andrew McMahon In The Wilderness - “Dead Man’s Dollar”

As long as Andrew McMahon’s project is called “Andrew McMahon In the Wilderness”, I will make fun of him like clockwork.

This song is nice. I sometimes sing “I want Thon Maker” when he says “I want to make a” in the chorus.

80) Kele Okereke - “Streets Been Talkin’”

Kele’s most impressive feat was sneaking “bae” right into the chorus without me noticing until literally right now.

79) Rick Ross - “Summer Seventeen”

How the hell did this dumbass song get so high up on the list? I have no explanation. Classic Roazy though -- aim high, fake it till you make it. When I started my new job in August, IT reset my password to “summer2017″, and I had this song’s hook in my head nearly every time I typed it in. All told, a pretty hilarious way to start a work day.

78) Michelle Branch - “Best You Ever”

This song sounds so dark and sultry, but I’m not totally sure why. Branch rules.

77) Calvin Harris f/ Pharrell Williams, Katy Perry & Big Sean - “Feels”

The best way to ruin this song for anyone is to point out how much the hook sounds like Katy Perry singing “Don’t be afraid to catch fish”.

76) Morrissey - “Spent The Day In Bed”

This is a very low maintenance lyric video. So you can either make fun of that or the “I spent the day in bed / I’m not the type, but I love my bed” line.

75) Red City Radio - “If You Want Blood (Be My Guest)”

The “We don’t need a god damn thing from you” chorus is a little punk cliche to win me over, but the Oklahoma City reference (”where our dreams come true and die”) is the line I’ve been waiting for since I found out RCR was from there.

74) Sam Coffey & The Iron Lungs - “Talk 2 Her”

The closest we’ll get to a new Clash song in 2017.

73) Bad Cop/Bad Cop - “Womanarchist”

Factoring in the 2017′s themes (#MeToo, Harvey dead, etc.), this has to be the song title of the year. I smiled ear-to-ear watching this music video.

72) The Movielife - “Mercy Is Asleep At The Wheel”

Hey, The Movielife reunited!

71) The Rocket Summer - “Gone Too Long”

Unlike that lazy ass Morrissey, The Rocket Summer gave us a lyric video that basically passes as a legit music video.

70) Miguel f/ Travis Scott - “Sky Walker”

Me, every time I listen to this song:

“Ooh, beat is pretty solid.”

“Ah yeah, the hook’s good. I thought I really liked this song though...”

/falsetto part

“AW YEAH.”

69) Queens Of The Stone Age - “The Way You Used To Do”

Had never known about the Josh Homme/Elvis comparisons, but after hearing this, I totally get it now. Also: god damn it, man.

68) Macklemore f/ Skylar Grey - “Glorious”

What can we do to make Skylar Grey more famous? She Ginger Rogers’d for Em on “SNL” -- seriously, she played piano and sung Dido, Beyoncé, and Rihanna hooks (that’s a solid ass trinity!) -- has unarguably awesome songs, and never takes anything off the table. I honestly don’t care if she has another hit... let’s just, like, all Venmo her five bucks or something.

One of my fav music videos on the list so far. Be as skeptical of Macklemore as you want, but when his grandma offers him a drink (haha) then says she wants to “do it all” with their day together, it warms the hearts.

67) Direct Hit! - “Blood On Your Tongue”

Direct Hit! continues to be the best modern version of Green Day, The Ramones*, and themselves.

(* - without being Ramones-core)

66) Boyd & The Stahfools - “Party Penguin”

I’ve been in the game for a long while, but, for the first time in my career, I finally was part of a music video. If you told me it was a 2Pac parody that advertised craft beer, I’d, well, I’d believe you. We got Dave Hernandez on the hook, Mike Healy as Dr. Dre, and yours truly as Makaveli.

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And all jokes aside, “On vacation like Bev D’Angelo” is one of my favorite penned lines.

65) Rancid - “Telegraph Avenue”

I like when Tim sings about grabbing his left-handed guitar.

64) Big Sean f/ Jeremih - “Light”

Sean Don made a forgettable 2017 album with many throwaway tracks -- but “Light” ain’t one of ‘em. I liked this song even before the touching video cemented its power.

63) blink 182 - “Parking Lot”

This is that weird mix of what makes all new blink really good and really eh at the same time -- Skiba involved (for better or worse), inspired Mark (for better or worse), and Travis’ overplaying (for better or worse). It’s for sure easier if you just turn your brain off and go with it.

Why does he reference Chicago in the verse then California in the pre-chorus?

I SAID “OFF”.

62) New Found Glory - “Your Jokes Aren’t Funny”

This song doesn’t break a ton of new ground, but it’s got this circular, easy chorus that keeps me coming back.

61) Teenage Bottlerocket - “Goin’ Back To Wyo”

Similar to Red City Radio writing about OKC, I can’t get enough of TB writing about their home. Did I blast this song while driving across the entire state alone this summer? Do you know me an ounce?

60) Frank Turner - “The Sand In The Gears”

A little dissatisfied with the current administration? Frank may be from across the pond, but he’s with you on this one, man. One of my favorite parts of this song is when he breaks the rhyme scheme just to angrily say “I thought that we were winning the war against the homophobes and the racists”.

59) Billy Bragg - “Not Everything That Counts Can Be Counted”

Billy Bragg is here for all of us, with perspective, wisdom, and insightful guidance in tow.

58) Dave Hause - “The Flinch”

Send this one to an old flame if you’re hoping, you know, to maybe rekindle.

57) Selena Gomez f/ Gucci Mane - “Fetish”

That’s right -- “Bad Liar” got beat out by this significantly less popular single featuring one of my least favorite rappers.

/looks up play totals

”Fetish”... 130 million

“Bad Liar”... 214 million

Comparably popular, I say! For me, this one is all about the chorus -- and that beat’ll get you swayin’.

56) Jay Electronica - “Letter To Falon”

‘Cause who gon’ save them babies? / And finally put a definite to all those maybes

Death, taxes, maybe death again, and Jay Electronica never releasing a full length album. Our man has been on Roc Nation for nearly ten years. I hate him so much. /anxiously awaits his next move

Jay Electricity in his zone on this one; so comfortable, in full operation within the confines.

55) Laura Jane Grace - “Adore”

I don’t know who Amy Shark is, but LJG covered her song and punted my heart into Lake Michigan.

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54) Russian Girlfriends - “Antidote”

Upbeat, direct song that starts kinda Metric-y with the riff but then gets more pop punk as it progresses.

53) Brian Fallon - “If Your Prayers Don’t Get To Heaven”

My fiancee laughed when I looked up how to play this song on the guitar and the guy who tabbed it out wrote “Typical Brian Fallon open chords” in the intro.

52) Cloud Nothings - “Enter Entirely”

If “Womanarchist” is the ‘best’ song title of the year, “Enter Entirely” is certainly the coolest. And please don’t let the very boring music video fool you -- this song gets after it, man. If you are a fan of rock music, it would blow me away if you found this song remotely objectionable.

(After seeing CN open for Japandroids on back-to-back nights this November, it feels criminal to have such a slow song represent the band, as their drummer is the Russell Westbrook of the indie scene. That dude does not tire and comes off as more machine than man.)

51) Conor Oberst - “Napalm”

Oberst released a 10-song album in 2016 that was super brooding and piano-y... then he released another album in 2017 (17 songs) that had every track from his previous record and seven new ones. Kind of a weird move, no? This is one of those seven; suffice to say it’s a little more upbeat.

50) Sorority Noise - “No Halo”

You could tell me this song came out in 2002, 2007, or both -- but not 2017. How is this not a time capsuled rival of Taking Back Sunday or My Chemical Romance? I don’t know, but if you like a lot of death, this one’s for you.

49) N.E.R.D f/ Rihanna - “Lemon”

Let’s lighten the mood back up with some RiRi rap. My buddy Crooks’ take: “That's how every 2017 hip-hop beat should sound.”

48) Kesha - “Praying”

It’s damn near impossible to talk about this song without talking about The Note. It occurs at 4:21, and it will make you a little faint.

Kesha dusts herself off and gets beyond empowered in this one. This song could legitimately soundtrack the entire #MeToo movement. When the drums kick in halfway through, you’ll be ready to fight back too.

When I’m finished, they won’t even know your name

47) The Smith Street Band - “Laughing (Or Pretending To Laugh)”

This soft, hopeful love song is almost *too* respectful when it comes to interactions with the opposite sex. I’m not sure there’s a more endearing 2017 lyric than “And I don't wanna marry you just yet / But at least let me get you a cider / And I don’t even think I’d have to pay for it / Hopefully there’s a couple left on the rider”.

46) Run The Jewels - “Legend Has It”

Whenever I think of this song, I will always have that image of El-P holding up that gun to the bunny’s head. This song is braggadocious, each line one-upping the previous in perpetuity. Man, they probably rule live.

45) Vic Mensa - “Say I Didn’t”

Vic Mensa's Roc Nation debut (CAN YOU HEAR ME AT ALL, JAY ELECTRONICA?!?!?!?!?!?) was real strong, and this one gives you a good taste of what he’s about. He’s intense but controlled and even gets a little soulful. And depending what sphere you come from, you’ll either be extremely more or extremely less interested after he drops a Weezer reference. If that gives you trepidation, maybe the Nate Dogg namedrop will reel you back in?

44) Kendrick Lamar - “HUMBLE.”

I like Kendrick Lamar and will always recognize his talent, platform, and body of work (there’s a real case to be made that his “Control” verse killed hip-hop, and it’s just been an animated zombie ever since). Having said that...

He doesn’t always make it easy. The all caps song titles, the weird high pitched flow, the massive reliance of “bitch” in his choruses... yet, he’s the same dude who begs for stretch marked butts and body positivity. I don’t know, man. By the time he hits the “I make a play fucking up your whole life” line, I’m nearly all the way back in.

Last complaint: that organ-y keyboard thing could be so much louder. The beat almost feels diet because of that decision.

43) PKEW PKEW PKEW - “Cold Dead Hands”

This song is about how you can’t freeze this band to death, because they’ll party their way out of the situation.

42) Weezer - “Any Friend Of Diane’s”

This song puts me in a trance; they sing the same chorus lyric a million times, and I still almost want more.

41) Taylor Swift - “I Did Something Bad”

If this song isn’t a hit in 2018, then I do not know anything. For as uneven and questionable as her new singles were, this song has none of that. By the time she’s rolling on the tremendously magnetic “over and over and over again” part, you’ll feel like it’s 2009.

Maybe the old Taylor is still alive after all.

40) Best Ex - “Someday”

What’s that, you want your pop with a lot less baggage? This song is currently at 1,042 views, which is further proof of no justice in this world. I remember grocery shopping with this in the headphones, and you woulda thought it was the happiest moment of my life by the expression on my smiling, dumb face.

39) White Reaper - “Judy French”

“There are no good new rock bands wahhhhh”

Nah -- you just suck at finding music when it’s never been easier in human history, I guess?

38) Anti-Flag - “The Criminals”

This band has always lived in this dramatic life-and-death world, and it’s been going on for so long, that it’s like their vision of what they were always rebelling against was willed into existence.

37) French Montana f/ The Weeknd & Max B - “A Lie”

My dislike of French Montana is so high that I sometimes think about having to answer for saying something heinous about him. Kinda like when Kevin Garnett was accused of calling Charlie Villanueva (who has alopecia) a “cancer patient.”

KG’s all-time response:

“I am aware there was a major miscommunication regarding something I said on the court last night. My comment to Charlie Villanueva was in fact ‘You are cancerous to your team and our league,’" Garnett said in a statement to the media on Wednesday.

Hahahaha.

French, you are a cancer to hip-hop and our league. His verse even references stupid Karl Malone, because why wouldn’t it? The good news is we have The Weeknd on the hook *and* in the first verse, so you can basically just pretend it’s his solo song with a few regrettable cameos.

36) The Penske File - “Oh Brother”

The Penske File make it look effortless sometimes. After hearing this song and doing a Malört shot with their singer, I have higher hopes than ever for their 2018 full length.

35) The Front Bottoms - “Don’t Fill Up On Chips”

TFB’s new album didn’t give me everything I wanted in terms of uptempo bangers, but the lyrics, sentiment, and craftsmanship are all still very much present.

34) Vince Staples - “Big Fish”

The Juicy J chorus might not win a Pulitzer (”I was up late night ballin’ / Countin’ up hundreds by the thousand”), but Vince is rapping invincible, and by the time the lyrics call back his monster single (“Norf Norf”), you won’t be questioning anything anymore.

33) Julien Baker - “Shadowboxing” (link is to live version)

I know that you don't understand 'Cause you don't believe what you don't see When you watch me throwing punches at the devil It just looks like I'm fighting with me

I swear, Julien Baker might be one of the only people on this planet with the power to shut us all up and listen.

32) Paramore - “Fake Happy”

Paramore is a band that does dumb shit all the time. Infighting, legal drama, horrible makeover after horrible makeover. Seriously, this is real:

But through it all, there’s that unbreakable Hayley voice, and it’s like everything is gonna be OK again. I mean, no, it’s not -- but let’s still enjoy these fleeting moments, full blown pop transition or not.

31) Nothington - “Cobblestones”

This song briefly sounds like Lucero before turning into no nonsense despair punk.

30) Lorde - “Perfect Places”

Such a phenomenal album closer; great to have her back in the pop music fold. Car, headphones, party, whatever -- this song goes all around you.

29) Remember Sports - “I Liked You Best”

If Kesha’s high note in “Praying” was pop music’s peak vocal moment in 2017, I’d like to nominate the “You made this me-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-hess” (2:37) part as punk’s.

28) Phoenix - “J-Boy”

This band makes such gorgeous music.

27) Drake - “Free Smoke” (no link)

Drake’s full album output, in minutes, for the last four years:

2013: 59 minutes 2014: N/A 2015: 108 minutes 2016: 81 minutes

And this doesn’t include stray singles, diss tracks, or cameos (2014 had “0 To 100″, for example). What I’m saying is, despite high quality material, Aubrey has saturated us with music for nearly half a decade. So even though I dig him lots, it was like “Really?!” when I heard he was releasing 2017′s “More Life” and “WHAT” when I found out it was another 81 minutes (the same length as 2016′s “Views”). Though the record is stylistically very different -- I keep hearing people use the word “grime”, though I have no idea what it means -- it’s still got bars. My favorite stray lines (they add up):

- “More life, more everything” - “I dunk text J-Lo / Old number, so it bounce back” - “Hilton rooms, gotta double up / Writin’ our name on a double cup” - “I fall asleep in sororities / I had some different priorities” - “Women I like was ignorin’ me / Now they like ‘Aren’t you adorable?’ / I know the question rhetorical” - “I make too much these days to ever say ‘Poor me’” - “I wanna move to Dubai / So I don’t never have to kick it with none of you guys”

But, it wouldn’t be Drake without making fun of him some. The song beings with, well, him sampling himself at an award show. The sample:

And more chune for your headtop So watch how you speak on my name, you know?

Which begs the question: did he do the weird Jamaican accent knowing he was gonna sample it? It treads this weird genius/calculated doofus line. All I know is it makes me laugh.

26) Tigers Jaw - “Favorite”

This song could make me pensive and unhappy on the sunniest of days.

25) Tee Grizzley - “First Day Out”

Like many, I first heard of Tee Grizzley from a LeBron James Instagram workout video. It was an easy sell: Detroit, ferocious beat, and the dude goes *hard*. I got a little too excited and emailed my hip-hop friends: “What the fuck is this? This is GOOD.”

This was before I realized he kinda sounds the same in every song. It’s no matter -- we’ll always have “First Day Out”, a brief time in June 2017 where I thought Tee Grizzley could be the next to run the game.

I can’t even be in public with my hoodie on

24) The War On Drugs - “Strangest Thing”

It’s very difficult to write about The War On Drugs without mentioning how transcendent it is to listen to them in the car. Everyone is right about that, but, for me, I also have to mention how much this dude sounds like Dylan. People say Springsteen, but I hear so much Bob. You don’t necessarily have to get “past” it, but you do kinda have to get used to it. Once you do, the lead guitar will carry you into the clouds. This music will make you contemplate and reflect.

23) Foxing - “Night Channels”

Let’s keep the mood contemplative; you almost feel sleepless if not completely locked in to this one.

UPDATE: This dropped in 2015, /sigh

22) Craig Finn - “God In Chicago”

This is more of a movie than a song -- and the visuals agree. Focus in on the lyrics, take in the story, and then do it again soon because you’ll catch new wrinkles each time. One of the year’s best videos, for sure. Punk News phrases it well: “Here he’s made a solo album of losers who have no idea they’ve already lost.”

21) DJ Khaled f/ Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance The Rapper, Lil Wayne - “I’m The One”

No one wanted you to know he had sex in 2017 more than DJ Khaled. He made his infant son Asahd the “Executive Producer” for this video. Why? Because he’s an idiot. Khaled’s still existing fame continues to confound. He’s more faux-platitudes than man at his point. So why do the best artists in the world collaborate with someone so seemingly unintelligent? I don’t know, but this song bangs and was probably my Song of the Summer. We got JB on the hook, a dumb-but-amusing Quavo*, Wayne trying to gain footing, and Chance running across the finish line backward with Best Verse title belt. But Khaled won’t let you forget about him, blaring DJ tag and all. This song suffers for that, and it’s all his fault.

(* - his ad lib of just repeating everything becomes charming once you start to get Stockholm Syndrome with the song)

20) Ed Sheeran - “The Shape Of You”

What a 2017 for the man behind the year’s best (super successful) pop song. At the turn of the calendar, I barely knew who he was, but before we all knew it, there was a legitimate public outcry because he was on “Game of Thrones” for, like, two minutes. What a time. Oh, also, the “Come on, be my baby...” bridge gave me some “Real World: New Orleans” acid flashbacks.

Great meme, take us out.

19) Minus The Bear - “Last Kiss”

If the shattered neon heart didn’t give it away, this is a “the relationship is definitively over” breakup song. Seeing them play it at Riot Fest made me miss my late friend Luke; I wish he could have heard this.

18) Hot Water Music - “Never Going Back”

I’ve always maintained Chuck Ragan plays guitar and sings songs like a running back. Well, this song carpe diem’s me enough to play actual running back*.

(* - jk, would never do this unless it was against very small children)

17) Lucky Boys Confusion - “Good Luck”

My hometown heroes released their comeback album in 2017, and I’m not sure any track sums up the effort better. By the time Adam sings “Burned out, they call us / Screw ‘em, we got endless memories / Punk rock and the polish / I hope it gave you something to believe”, there are no dry eyes left.

(And yes, this could totally be an AM Taxi song, but with Ryan Fergus’ killer-fills-only drumming, I’m glad it wasn’t.)

16) Hodera - “Baltimore”

This song would likely have a Top 5 objective approval rating of any on the list.

...“The Wire” forever.

15) Iron Chic - “A Headache With Pictures”

It ain’t heavy, it ain’t heaven

If Hot Water Music is carpe diem, what is Iron Chic -- seize the life?! My favorite description of the band came from Sam Sutherland, who tweeted: “Whose day has already been derailed by the unavoidably weighty introspection of listening to the new Iron Chic record.”

They are a certified run-through-brick-walls outfit. One of my final 2017 memories of this song was subtweeting “Now I know” the night I got engaged and having my buddy Ricky think she might’ve declined the proposal. May have to include a ring emoji next time.

14) The Flatliners - “Indoors”

Had to listen to this, like, five or six times before its brilliant greatness overtook me like falling into a river. The chorus is so, so heartfelt.

Don’t sleep on the video, either (especially the end).

13) Sylvan Esso - “Die Young”

Though I have tickets to see them for the first time in 2018, I am not mega-versed in the catalogue of Sylvan Esso. But this feels like their best song. Imagine if Romeo and Juliet turned out OK.

12) Oso Oso - “Shoes (The Sneaker Song)”

Jade from Oso Oso would likely want all of the above stylized in lowercase -- but this ain’t Jade’s list. This was my favorite new band of 2017, and I do believe they made the year’s best album. It’s early-2000s emo at times, pop punk at others, and all ear candy.

11) Sincere Engineer - “Corn Dog Sonnet No. 7″

Staying in the new artist lane, I proudly introduce Sincere Engineer. This band sounds like if Modern Baseball had a little sister. By the time singer Deanna Belos sings “I’m still learning how to be”, you want to pat her on the back and give her all your best advice.

Fantastic music video -- and she confirmed to me this past weekend that it’s real mustard, not puffy paint (“I have a towel that is all yellow from cleaning it up”).

10) new.wav - “Girls”

Alright, so stick with me on this: new.wav is the band, covering The 1975′s song “Girls” in the style of “Enema of the State”-era blink-182. Confused? Yeah, I was too, but check it out. Maybe more impressive than the arrangements/performance is how they were able to match blink’s production style -- no easy task.

9) Jay-Z - “Family Feud” (starts around 5:30; partial version)

Shawn Corey Carter wants to get right with everyone -- America, his peers, and, of course, within his own home. And though I may never understand the “New n****s is the reason I stopped drinkin’ Dos Equis” lyric, I’m on board with about all else. Similar to the Oso Oso record, “4:44″ is such an album that it feels unfair to single out a song to represent all of its parts. Stripped from the LP, the song does not hit as hard, but in the groove of the record, it’s the apex. And despite Hov seemingly desiring peace, the song does have more than a few call outs:

- “My stash can’t fit into Steve Harvey’s suit” - “And old n****s, y’all stop actin’ brand new / Like 2Pac ain’t have a nose ring too” - “Al Sharpton in the mirror takin’ selfies / How is him or Pill Cosby s’posed to help me?”

In the latter stages of his career, it’s hard to call everything Jay does ‘necessary’, but “4:44″ definitely checked that box.

8) Rozwell Kid - “Wendy’s Trash Can”

Vacillated all year between this one and “Michael Keaton” and literally flipped a penny my cousin Maggie loaned me to decide. “Wendy’s Trash Can” was heads.

7) The Weeknd - “Reminder”

This one got backdoored in as a latter single from The Weeknd’s 2016 album. One of my favorite parts about Abel is how little he has had to change to succeed. Sure, it’s silky smooth, but he hasn’t sacrificed the drugs, darkness, or ego that should offend (but doesn’t because it he pulls it off so well). After bragging early in the song about he won a kids award for singing about cocaine, he calls out peers for biting his sound, blings out his entire crew, and, well:

When I travel 'round the globe, make a couple mil' a show And I come back to my city, I fuck every girl I know

/clutches pearls

6) The Bombpops - “Be Sweet”

The guitar riff in this song is why I fell in love with punk music. Also, super cool story behind the lyrics:

“'Be Sweet' is an homage to our dear friend, the late Brandon Carlisle of the band Teenage Bottlerocket," vocalist Jen Razavi told AP. "Back in 2010, we were partying in a hotel room with Brandon and Ray Carlisle. There was a guitar in the room and Brandon was showing us an idea he had for a song. He had written it for his wife, but he told us we should play it and change the lyrics to 'getting rad with my boyfriend.' He wrote down all the lyrics on four sheets of hotel notepad paper. Since then, the melody and the chord progression were forgotten, but I still had the lyrics. So we wrote our own version of the song in the studio and used every single lyric that Brandon had written down.

Did I mention the video has an “In Bloom” feel? Stop reading, go listen.

5) Action Bronson - “Let Me Breathe”

Action Bronson ain’t givin’ nothin’ up. This is my pick for rap song of the year. It’s got TV brags (”I got two shows, I’m about to pitch another”), a tight chorus (”Let me breathe for a minute / White Range Rover blowin’ trees all in it”), and whimsy shit too (“Honey bouncin’ up and down, she nearly broke my dick”). Ghostface’s disciple is having more fun than just about anyone.

4) Japandroids - “North East South West”

Only a Canadian band could get me to care this much about my own country. The Vancouver duo penned an Americana ode to the road -- but there’s a twist... they talk about their cities too. For every New Orleans, there’s a Toronto. For every California, a Vancouver.

Maybe they’ll be the ones to end all the border wars.

3) Alex Lahey - “Every Day’s The Weekend”

This is the only submission on the list I’d feel comfortable calling a perfect song. Relatable themes, a chorus that’ll tangle you up, f-bombs in all the right places, and every part maximized. She has this way of weaving between cool confidence and youthful insecurity, all in the matter of one verse.

2) Carly Rae Jepsen - “Cut To The Feeling”

When it comes to “Call Me Maybe” and its legacy, I do not fuck around. This song gets really, really, really close. Just watch this dude.

Queen Carly blessed us with another one. The chorus soars, arms go up, and clouds are your closest companions.

1) The Menzingers - “After The Party”

It's the little things my mind commits / To etch behind my eyelids

When this song dropped, my buddy Dave Rokos called it his favorite Menzos song ever. That felt like high praise, but man, he might be dead on. “After The Party” rips me in half with its lyrics of palpable desperation:

Like a kaleidoscope in vibrant hues I navigate around your tattoos Said you got that one on a whim when you were breaking up with him And that Matryoshka Russian doll That lines your shelf from big to small What a way to start anew To shed your skin and find the old you

If Carly’s chorus flies, this one holds us down like gravity. You feel everything, you feel nothing, you feel full yet voided, but after all of this -- the life, the party, the friends, the bars, the experiences, the nights, the lights, the fights, the city you live in -- it’s still her and you. Or him and you. Or whatever it is you come home to at the end, when it’s finally quiet.

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renee-walker · 7 years

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fic: forget your perfect offering

I wanted Carol to wear a pretty dress (this is the one I was thinking of, in case anyone’s interested), and then this happened. If you’re expecting any sort of plot or wildness like that, please don’t even click the read more, because you’ll be so disappointed as it’s pretty much allllll smush (with a tiny bit of angst). Idk, apparently I just have ~7k worth of random feelings about them is all.

The title is from Leonard Cohen’s ‘Anthem,’ which is one of my favorite songs in this universe.

*********************************************************

She tries to escape the dance by volunteering to take three consecutive shifts on watch that night.

"You've been pulling at least twice your share for three weeks now." Rosita, arms folded across her sweaty green tank top, snaps a tiny bubble in her disturbingly neon orange gum and stares knives at Carol. "And I'd rather fuck a snake right now than put on some shitty dress and pretend to smile until my face cracks, so you're not stealing my shift."

Aaron's less abrasive but equally stubborn. "Eric and I already figured it all out. I work first shift so he can tend bar and then it's date night. We haven't danced to actual music in years." She doesn't miss the nostalgic expression that flashes over his features and vanishes all too quickly. He pauses, blue eyes darting to different locations on her face as if he's scared that meeting her gaze directly might result in scary consequences. "Besides, I think everyone's-" He stops, words floating like bubbles in the cinnamon-and-clove-scented air of the kitchen. "Everyone's missed you."

Her stomach twists, so many emotions colliding that she imagines she can hear their crunch on impact. But she sets her jaw firmly, determined to keep everything light. Anything else and the cracks might widen and she's not ready to-

Raising a skeptical eyebrow, she stabs a fork into the steaming piece of apple pie on the plate in front of her and shrugs. "I'm almost sure I'm gonna get the flu that night." Throwing him a highly determined look, she blows on the bite of pie not so much because she wants to eat it but because it gives her something to do.

Aaron sighs, and his shoulders drop with a touch of defeat. "Well I wish you wouldn't 'get the flu,'" he says, mocking her with air quotes. "And I'm sure-" He grabs the knife and slices his own piece of pie, swearing and sticking his index finger in his mouth when he burns it while trying to make the transfer to his plate. "I'm sure everyone else does, too."

He leaves her standing in the middle of the quiet kitchen, her only company a crushing sense of panic and a cooling piece of the pie she spent two hours making but no longer wants.

_________________________

She's not even sure whose goddamn idea the dance was.

Probably Tara's.

Or Aaron's.

Even Jesus's, if he was in one of his festive moods.

But ever since they miraculously managed to drive the Saviors away, everyone's been simmering with a dangerous, tantalizing buzz of hope. And somehow, tomorrow night's dance has become the tangible symbol of defiance.

She just wants to spend the night in the watchtower.

Stars, birds, soft wind, night sky, and the cool, comforting bite of her rifle's chill metal under the pads of her fingers.

_________________________

Carol's barely shut the door of her room behind her when a soft knock makes her jump.

Go the hell away, she thinks.

"Come in," she says.

The knob turns and Michonne sticks her head in. "Bad time? I can come back if you're busy."

Carol shakes her head, probably too quickly to be convincing. "It's fine. Do you need me for something?"

Michonne walks all the way into the room and shuts the door behind her, turning to reveal one of the most beautiful dresses Carol's ever seen draped over her arm.

It's a rich, deep burgundy. Floor length. Lace over satin. Cap sleeves and a neckline designed to show off collarbones and . . . whatever else.

"Is that what you're wearing?" Carol closes her hand into a ball to keep from reaching out and touching the fabric, although she's relieved to realize that at least this time her smile feels genuine.

But the sly smirk that transforms Michonne's face instantly erases Carol's half second of ease. "You wish." Michonne walks over and holds the dress level with Carol's shoulders, leaning back to give herself a better view. "Damn, that man has you memorized," she mutters under her breath before carefully stretching the dress across Carol's bed, smoothing the fabric to avoid wrinkles. "It's what you're wearing," she announces dramatically. "And you're gonna look so perfect I'll probably be pissed."

"Listen, I don't know what-"

Michonne silences her with an outstretched hand. "Look, I can't make you put this on and come to the party. But ever since you-" She trails off, rubbing at some dirt on the edge of her arm before she looks back up at Carol. "It would be great to have you there with us to celebrate." She shrugs and then reaches out, her fingers gently squeezing Carol's forearm. "You're one of the reasons we're even alive to do this, and everybody knows that. So promise me you'll at least think about it?"

Carol hesitates, pressing her fingernails into her palm.

Michonne turns toward the door, stopping when her hand closes over the knob. "Enid even asked if she could do your makeup. And Carl's so happy you're back."

Damn, you're good, Carol thinks, her insides spinning like a washing machine on the high-speed cycle.

"I'll think about it," she mutters, glancing again at the dress's vibrant sheen.

"Good."

"Michonne?"

She stops halfway through the door and looks back. "Yeah?"

"Where'd this dress come from?"

Michonne grins, her eyes lit up with some kind of mischief that makes Carol even more uncomfortable. "Daryl brought it back from a run a few days ago. He said he was trying to make sure everyone who wanted to go had something to wear, but strangely enough, you're the only woman in these walls with the right proportions to fit that dress." She lifts a nonchalant shoulder, each word and gesture steeped in sass. "Probably coincidence though."

The door clicks shut before Carol has a chance to respond.

She reaches for the dress, smoothing the satin between her thumb and forefinger.

Irresistibly drawn to the softness.

_________________________

When Carol was in seventh grade, four days before the very first middle school dance, Bobby Davidson stopped by her locker after eighth period and -- with bright red cheeks and feet that couldn't settle for even a second -- asked her if she wanted to go with him.

She and her best friend Katie McKinnon (her full name was Kathleen but she hated it) had both had a crush on Bobby since he moved into their district halfway through fourth grade. Once she'd blushed four hundred shades of pink, nodded shyly, and watched him walk toward the front entrance with a new bounce in his stride, the first thing Carol thought was that Katie would most likely kill her.

But that whole problem was solved five minutes later, when Katie careened around the corner from the band room, practically skidded to a halt in front of their lockers, and announced with what seemed to be the last breath she had left in her, "Oh my god, Carol. Parker Thompson just asked me to go to the dance with him."

(Parker Thompson was only the most popular boy in middle school. He never wore jeans, only those creased khaki pants with the tailored cuffs. He was captain of the basketball team and his dad drove a white Mercedes that remained mysteriously clean, regardless of the weather. His grades would have put him at the top of their class if Carol hadn't already occupied that spot by a comfortable margin.

He didn't like her very much, but apparently that hadn't discouraged him from liking her best friend.)

And just like that, there was nothing to worry about except what to wear and how to fix her hair.

_________________________

Katie almost hyperventilated in Carol's bathroom while they were finishing each other's makeup. Carol dropped the tube of fuchsia lipstick on the counter and pushed her friend's head between her knees. "Breathe slowly, okay?"

It took a few minutes and some distraction from ABBA, but before long Katie was dusting peach-colored blush over her cheeks and kissing a white square of toilet paper to blot her lipstick. "How did you even get my hair to look this perfect?" she asked Carol, her dark blond curls shiny in the bright bathroom light.

Carol grinned, grabbing Katie's hand. "Come on, they're waiting!"

Bobby Davidson bought her a white lily wrist corsage that looked perfect against the deep blue taffeta dress she'd spent six months of babysitting money on.

Skinny and awkward, they slow danced to Elvis and Otis Redding, knees and elbows jutting everywhere.

Bobby talked a lot about cars and basketball, and Carol listened eagerly, not so much because she was fascinated by his choice of subject material but because she was so grateful not to have to come up with topics herself.

They drank bright red Hawaiian Punch that was much too sweet and made Carol feel lightheaded and almost sick.

After the dance and a quick reshuffling to spread chairs on the gym floor, Principal Adamson put on Casablanca.

When Ilsa said, "Kiss me as if it were the last time," Bobby pulled Carol's sweaty hand into his lap and laced his fingers with hers.

She stared at the screen with glistening eyes and a slamming heart, convinced that nothing on earth would ever make her feel so important again.

But that was another lifetime.

Back when hope wasn't roughly synonymous with poison.

Back when she still believed there was magic left in the world.

_________________________

Sophia never went to a dance.

She never frowned at herself in the mirror, trying to blot her lipstick just right or pluck her eyebrows or figure out how much to curl her hair.

She never held up dress after dress, finding some tiny flaw in each one until she dropped dramatically onto the bed, too overwhelmed with her choices to make a decision.

She never paced the length of her own room in precariously high heels, trying to master the art of balance before the big night.

She never lifted her chin for her first kiss, Cherry Coke and bubble gum chapstick and the rush of endless possibility.

Carol wishes she could think of anything else as she squeezes her sheet into her fists and rearranges her body in bed for what has to be the fifteenth time.

But she'll never know what it would have been like, kissing her baby goodbye and watching her disappear in a swirl of perfume and laughter.

One more question mark she'll never erase.

In the empty darkness she buries her face in her pillow and desperately hopes heaven exists, even if she might not make it.

_________________________

The next morning she wakes up before the sky is even light.

She wiggles around for a few minutes before giving up and staring at the ceiling, counting the minutes before she can reasonably go downstairs and find a way to distract herself from the inevitable.

The dress is draped over the back of the chair by her bed, taunting her with a slight shine from the hall light.

She shuts her eyes and turns away, curling her body into the cool softness of her pillow.

And the thing is, she's glad to be back. She is.

But nothing's natural. Not yet.

She still halts conversations just by walking into a room.

People she doesn't even know give her curious, sympathetic looks when she passes them on her way to take watch.

(She wonders what Rick and Tobin told them about her abrupt departure, but she doesn't care enough to ask.)

Daryl's the only person she doesn't seem to make uncomfortable just by breathing.

_________________________

She isn't sure exactly how it happened, but the two of them have fallen into the habit of taking a walk together after dinner.

The first night they all eat together, she ducks out just so she can breathe, so the walls stop moving closer. And a second later she can feel him beside her, the cadence of his footsteps so familiar she doesn't even have to glance sideways.

"I'll go if you wanna be alone," he blurts out before she can even think of something to say. She can't fight the tug at the edges of her mouth. He's so free of bullshit, so accepting of whatever she does or doesn't give back. And maybe, just maybe, that's why he's the only person who helps quiet the screaming in her her brain rather than amplifying it by a factor of ten.

"No, stay." She sneaks a glance at him but he's staring down the road, a dark smear of grease still decorating the side of his neck from when he was working on one of the trucks earlier. "I just needed fresh air for a minute."

"Yeah." She thinks he might add something else, but in his usual fashion he falls silent and lets his stride slip into rhythm with hers.

He doesn't say another word through the entire loop around Alexandria, but the quiet isn't awkward or strained.

When they're almost to the steps of the house, his fingers brush her upper arm so softly she'd think she imagined it if she hadn't seen it happen. "Hey. You okay?" His voice is still so scared, and she's slammed again with the realization that he's not remotely convinced she won't run.

"Yeah, I am."

He nods, but remains still, his body showing no signs of movement toward the house.

"Daryl."

He looks at her then, his face a mess of emotions she wasn't ready to deal with the day he showed up at the door of her house and she isn't ready to deal with now. But she manages to keep her voice firm and strong when she says, "I mean it. I'm okay."

"Gonna walk again tomorrow night?"

She grins. "Probably."

"Tell me if y'want company."

"I do. Want company." Her response is fast and thoughtless and straight from some scary place inside her she still tries to dodge when she's quick enough. But he's too fast for her as usual.

"Good." And then he's taking the steps two at a time, probably to make sure he shuts the door before she can change her mind.

_________________________

After that the walks become a habit.

They rarely say much, maybe some conversation about the supplies they'll need soon or how her garden's coming along or when he plans to go hunting again.

Still, she looks forward to it every night, and on the days when he's out hunting past dinner or gone on a run with Aaron or Rosita or Jesus, she misses it.

Misses him.

_________________________

She's toweling her hair dry when there's a knock on the door so soft she wouldn't have even heard it had she not been dreading it since pre-dawn.

"Carol?" Enid's timid voice barely carries through the wood.

She walks over and pulls the door open to find Enid standing there looking like something out of one of those princess books she used to read to Sophia. Part of her hair is pulled up in a careful twist, while the rest falls over her shoulders in a mass of soft waves. Her eyeshadow has flecks of gold, and she's wearing a royal blue dress that picks up the gems in the earrings Maggie must have loaned her.

"You look stunning."

"Oh god, thank you." Enid's face heats instantly. "I feel so fake. Maggie made me sit still for like an hour and a half. I think my foot's still asleep." She hesitates, clears her throat. "So no pressure, but Michonne said that you were at least thinking about the dance and maybe I could help with your makeup?"

Carol looks at the girl, watches as Enid fidgets with the satin that edges her sleeve.

She's only a little older than Sophia would be now, and only a little younger than Carol was when she and Katie McKinnon decided to to to the prom together because they'd both been dumped within the preceding month.

"It's fine if you don't want to," says Enid hastily, already backing toward the door.

"No, I'm going." The words feel tangible in her mouth, like she ate one too many marshmallows and they've got nowhere left to go. But she manages anyway. "I can't remember the last time I wore lipstick. Will you help me pick a good color?"

The burst of pure happiness on Enid's face instantly makes the night almost worth it.

_________________________

The night Carol went to prom with Katie, they spent two hours getting ready because they were so determined to make sure that Adam and Gerald deeply regretted their terrible life choices.

She remembers blood red lipstick and way too much blue eyeshadow, flatironing her hair for what felt like hours, popping Hershey kisses as they laughed and listened to The Stones, and almost falling down the stairs because she was determined to wear the stilettos she'd never figured out how to walk in.

At the dance, Ed Peletier -- who'd only spoken to her maybe twice in her life, and even then only to ask her for help with trig homework -- strolled over the second that "Crazy" started floating from the speakers.

(No matter how many times she thinks of this moment, the irony's never lost on her.)

"Would you like to dance?" He smelled like expensive cologne and possibly Scotch, not that she was highly familiar with the latter.

Her face hot, she twisted the pearl stud in her ear and said, "Sure, but just this one. I'm here with my friend."

"Just the one then," he replied, extending his hand just like she'd seen men do it in the movies.

And he'd been true to his word, surprising the hell out of her by raising her fingers to his lips and brushing a kiss over them as the last few bars of the song faded. "Have fun with your friend. Maybe you'd like to get a burger after school next week?"

"Carol, let's gooooo." Katie rushed up, flushed and impatient.

Carol barely had time to turn and nod at Ed before Katie pulled her away to the car.

Just like they'd planned on the phone weeks ago, they drove to the lake at the edge of town. They stripped off their stockings and hung their bare feet off the dock, flinging droplets of water that caught the moonlight as they arced through the cooling night air.

And they opened the bottle of gin Katie had stolen from her grandpa's liquor cabinet, passing it back and forth as they worked on the bag of sour cream and onion potato chips wedged between them.

She can still feel the burn of the alcohol stinging its way down her throat and warming her stomach.

Still taste the leftover salt from the chips as she licked the tips of her fingers.

Still see the glowing light circling the moon as it rose higher and higher in the sky.

Still hear the uncontrolled laughter bubbling up from inside her as she and Katie got more and more drunk and more and more silly.

It was the last time she was really free.

_________________________

"So do you think gold?" Enid holds up the tiny eyeshadow compact. "Or silver?" She brandishes one in each hand.

"I think-" Carol hesitates, glancing toward the dress laid out on the bed. "Maybe silver?"

Enid flashes a delighted smile. "I was hoping you'd pick silver. It's gonna be so perfect with that dress." She shoves the gold compact aside. "Close your eyes."

_________________________

She stares at her reflection in the bathroom mirror, fascinated and a little awed by the face that looks back at her.

Her lips are a rich shade of burgundy that almost perfectly matches her dress, and they shine because Enid insisted on just a touch of that roll-on lip gloss that tastes like cotton candy.

Her cheeks are a warm plum with barely a hint of sparkle from the bronzer Enid added at the last minute.

Her eyes -- carefully outlined with deep navy eyeliner and the shimmer of silver eyeshadow -- radiate a much deeper blue than usual.

It's been so many decades since she even tried to wear makeup, to put on fancy clothes, to look pretty.

She's aware that objectively, she's lovely. Stunning even.

But the only part of the face staring back at her from the mirror that feels as if it belongs to her is the quiet sadness that lingers in her eyes, comfortable and familiar.

Somewhere long ago and far away, tucked back in corners of her mind she hasn't visited in decades, she remembers what it was like to walk into a room and turn heads, to stop the action for a split second.

She can feel the music from downstairs vibrating the soles of her feet.

She doesn't want to go.

She wants to stay here, appreciate the picture for a minute, then wash her face and get in bed.

But she gets up, checks her eyeliner one last time, and walks to the door.

_________________________

She makes it down the stairs unnoticed and slips around the corner into the kitchen, surprised but grateful to find the room empty. Pouring herself a glass of cold water, she takes small sips as she steals a look into the crowded living room.

Rick and Michonne are in the corner, pretending to slow dance but it's more a conversation with occasional slight swaying. Michonne is breathtaking in an emerald green sheath that showcases her shoulders. Carol's never seen her in makeup either, and she's delighted by how happy Michonne looks -- cherry red lipstick, brilliant green eyeshadow that matches her dress, and her face intent on whatever Rick's saying to her.

Carl and Jesus are engaged in what appears to be a very serious arm wrestling match, although since Jesus looks as if he's already done at least three or four shots, she gives Carl even odds if not better.

Morgan's "dancing" with Judith, her bare feet on his shoes and her tiny hands in his. Carol's heart hurts watching them, because if there's anything she understands, it's the pain that will always lurk beneath the surface of the enchanted grin Morgan's currently wearing. Doesn't matter though. Judith's bouncing and giggling, the hem of her magenta dress swishing around her pudgy legs, and for now that's so much more than enough.

"Nah, don't move. I'll grab some more paper plates. Just gimme a sec-" Daryl's words drift off and blend into the lyrics of "Purple Rain" as his eyes land on her and he just . . . stops.

"Damn."

For the longest moment, he's both looking at her and doing everything but -- his eyes flitting from her face to her shoulder to the counter to her legs to the sink to her face to her hair and finally back to her eyes.

"You look-" He shakes his head a tiny bit, and a shy grin touches the edge of his lips. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you." She swallows and takes a gulp of her water, suddenly warmer than she was a minute ago.

This gives her a chance to realize she's not the only one who spent some time getting ready for the festivities.

Daryl's wearing dark jeans without a hole in sight and a deep grey, long-sleeved henley. His hair's so freshly washed it's not even quite dry, and he's pushed it away from his face, which at this exact moment is flushed an adorable shade of hot pink.

"You look pretty nice yourself." She says the sentence kind of as if it's all one word.

"Finally took a shower, like you said," he replies, deadpan, and the laughter that bubbles up in her at the memory makes it easier to breathe.

The music changes, some Chicago ballad she remembers from what feels like five lifetimes ago.

"You wanna dance?"

The question is so unexpected that it takes her a second to realize her facial expression must look as if he suggested parachute-free skydiving. "You . . . dance?"

Daryl shrugs. "Ain't good at it, but Merle wouldn't leave me alone until I learned a few things. Always tryin' to get me a date." He shifts on his feet and stares at the floor. "'S'fine if you don't feel like it. I'll grab the plates and-"

"No, I'd love to."

He reaches for her hand (astonishing her again, his palm warm and a little sweaty where it touches hers) and leads her into the living room. Everyone's paired up. Rick and Michonne. Carl and Enid. Aaron and Eric. Father Gabriel's apparently trying to teach Judith how to lead and that's not going too smoothly. Her tiny peals of laughter drift through the air.

Daryl holds Carol's hand and slips an arm around her waist, pulling her a little closer, but not enough to make her uncomfortable. That's when she smells the distinctive scent of whiskey floating over his cinnamon toothpaste. "Are you drunk?" she asks, laughter in her voice.

"Tryin' to be, yeah," he answers with a sigh. "This is a fuckin' nightmare. Was just waitin' for you to come downstairs, but I didn't think-"

"That I'd show up at all?"

He shakes his head. "That you'd look like-" He swallows. "There's no way to be ready for that dress."

"You are drunk."

He pulls back a fraction to look at her, and his eyes are suddenly very serious. "Y'think I gotta be drunk to notice your dress?"

Goddammit.

"I didn't mean that." (She kind of did mean that, but apparently it was the wrong answer.)

"Good." And he surprises her again by letting the momentary flare of irritation pass and drawing her back toward him, this time closer than before. She forces herself not to tense, because even though it makes her strangely nervous, dancing with him like this feels so . . . nice. She lets her chin rest on his shoulder and moves to the music, surprised by how good at this he is, even though she probably shouldn't be if Merle was his teacher. A few yards away, Carl's not having quite as much luck, and she bites her lip to keep from grinning as Enid yelps, "Ow!" and dissolves into giggles again while Carl's face flushes.

The music stops for a second. There's the plastic click of CD cases colliding while Eric searches for his next choice and then she hears the first bars of "Crazy For You."

When Sophia was in preschool, Carol would turn on the '80s station as soon as Ed had been gone for at least half an hour and there was no chance he'd come bursting back through the door, red-faced and cursing about something he'd forgotten. She could see herself humming absently, dancing around the kitchen while she carefully measured out the ingredients for perfect slow-cooker meatballs (although she could never put in as much spice as she liked because Ed would start yelling about how she was trying to give him an ulcer). She had no idea why she loved it so much, because the song left her feeling empty, lost, like something inside her was endlessly wishing and reaching for the impossible. She stirred cracker crumbs into ground beef and blinked away tears as she realized she'd never get the chance to feel that way about anyone, or know what it felt like to have someone feel that way about her. Lots of songs got to her a little bit in one way or another, but this one was different for some reason. Usually by the time it was over, she'd find herself staring out the window or at some neutral point on the blue flowered wallpaper in front of her. And she never once forgot to wash and dry her hands -- making sure not a touch of grease or flour was left over -- before she set the radio back to the terrible country station Ed loved. Sometimes, in hopes that it might improve his mood, she turned it on before he even drove into the garage.

"You okay?"

Daryl's voice almost startles her and she glances up to see the expression of puzzled concern on his face.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry, this song makes me-" But she doesn't even know the word she's looking for or have a clue what to add without deepening her own discomfort (and his too, she's sure).

"D'you wanna get out of here?" Daryl's voice is so low she can barely make out the words over Madonna's chorus. "Help me finish the Jack Daniels I stashed on the porch?"

"Yes please," she replies, and she should probably care about the edge of desperation that sharpens her words but she doesn't.

"Let's go." Daryl touches her elbow lightly to guide her toward the door, and a warm shiver spreads up her arm to the back of her neck, sparking in her hair.

_________________________

"So you were probably prom queen or some shit like that, right?" Daryl takes another impressively large swig from the bottle they're sharing and hands it back to her, clearing his throat a little as the liquor goes down.

They're leaning on the porch railing, staring out into the empty street. The only thing moving is the tiny outline of Rosita, pacing back and forth on the watch platform. It's a gorgeous night, the air cool enough to be refreshing without making her wish she had a sweater, and it's clear enough that she can see clusters of stars, the moon hanging like a shimmery sliver in the sky. The breeze feels soft and comforting as it lifts her hair, and she listens to the eerie, faraway hoot of an owl looking for dinner mixed with the muffled laughter drifting through the living room windows. She kinda wishes she'd rejected the pumps though. It's only been a couple hours and she's already losing circulation in her toes. If there's one positive side effect of having walkers everywhere, it's that comfortable shoes are encouraged.

She smirks at Daryl before taking her own oversized gulp. The liquid fizzes in her mouth and burns in her throat. It's not even good and she doesn't enjoy the taste at all, but she does enjoy the fierce spread of warmth that radiates off her skin the instant the alcohol hits her stomach (thanks to all of her pre-dance anxiety, she's eaten nothing today except half a chocolate bar Tara stole for her after their latest run, so the alcohol has an instant effect).

"Actually, smartass, I went to prom with my best friend Katie, because Adam Jakowski dumped me three weeks before."

"The fuck was wrong with that dickhead?" Daryl blurts out, kicking the tip of his boot against the railing.

She takes another long swallow and hands the bottle back to him, her fingers brushing his as they make the swap. "Doesn't matter. He was an asshole anyway. I think he wound up a hedge fund manager." She smooths the satin of her dress between her fingers. "Katie and I got ridiculously drunk and ate a lot of sour cream and onion potato chips." She laughs, the sound echoing down the quiet street. "One of the best nights of my life, honestly." She stares at one perfectly polished fingernail and her words are much quieter when she adds, "Which probably sounds pathetic."

"It doesn't."

Each word lands with vehemence she hadn't expected, and his shoulders tense before he raises the bottle to his lips again.

"Besides, I can top it," he mutters.

"Yeah?"

He hands the whiskey back to her and chokes out half a laugh, shaking his head. "There was this girl," he explains, scrubbing his hands over his face. "Melinda Tomlinson." His thumb rubs circles on the smooth wood of the railing. "I knew I could never get her to go to prom with me or any shit like that, but I just wanted to buy her a Coke or a sundae after school." He shrugs, locking his elbows and pushing against the railing to stand up straighter. "So one day I bothered to put on my only shirt that didn't have holes in it and I stole a pair of the jeans Merle saved for when he really wanted to score. And I asked her if she'd go to the ice cream shop with me after school."

The warmth of the alcohol seems far away now; she can tell where this story is going and it makes her cold inside. She squeezes her hands into fists and waits.

"She told me she didn't go out with guys who fix bikes for a living and have brothers who fuck hookers." He adds, "Her words," as if he suddenly needs to apologize for profanity. After one long, slow breath, he continues. "So on prom night I stole Merle's truck, drove three hours to this lake in the middle of nowhere, went swimming in the dark until I bumped up against some fuckin' thing I wasn't taking any chances on, and then drank so much that I woke up in the bed of the truck the next afternoon, half naked and sunburned as hell."

The words are flat, emotionless, like he's telling her that they'll need to find salt on the next run or reminding her that she should bring in the seedlings because it's probably gonna rain overnight. But his voice cracks in a few giveaway places and so does her heart.

Without even thinking, she takes the three steps required to close the distance between them and presses her arm right up against his, hard, taking three gulps of whiskey without even pausing to breathe.

He reaches for the bottle, grinning. "You might wanna slow down there. When was the last time you ate anything?"

"Shut up, I'm perfectly-" But at that precise second the whole world starts to shift a little. The trees aren't standing up like they're supposed to and the fence tilts at the wrong angle to the ground. Rosita looks as if she's walking up the platform instead of across it.

Daryl's arms have her instantly, and she's leaning back against his chest wondering why everything is spinning. "You were sayin'?" he asks, but his sarcasm is all affection and no edge. "Let's give this chair over here a try."

In one effortless movement, he swings her up and gently deposits her in the huge Adirondack chair at the far corner of the porch. Before she can open her mouth to protest, he's pulling her shoes off and sitting them neatly on the floor. "Maybe I should go make us some coffee," he offers, glancing toward the living room, undecided. Now that she's sitting down he's only moving in her vision a tiny bit.

"Stay with me for a few more minutes first?" She knows she's drunk because clearly her filter is set to all the way off, but in this exact moment it feels great.

Powerful.

Free.

"I'm not ready for tonight to be over yet."

"Me neither, surprisingly enough," he mutters, and the words are so quiet that if she knew him any less well she'd be 98% sure she imagined them. But he strides over and settles into the chair next to her, his body warm and comforting where it presses against her skin. She notices that he's not holding himself away from her, that he's letting his muscles relax.

They stay like that for a few minutes, and Carol stretches her newly-freed feet, feeling the numbness turn to pins and needles while she tries to guess which song is playing just from the beat. Might be "Billie Jean." They continue to pass the bottle back and forth, but she makes sure to keep her sips a whole lot smaller now.

The party sounds as if it might be winding down inside when she turns her face towards Daryl and says, "Well maybe-" at the exact moment he turns his towards her and says, "We should probably-"

And they both stop.

His eyes are so blue and confused even in the half-darkness of the porch, and she was sure that whole thing where it actually gets harder to breathe was probably only in crappy romance novels but apparently she was wrong because she feels like she doesn't have enough air and her face is very, very hot all of the sudden.

She can't help dropping her eyes to look at his lips; it's nothing more than a tenth of a second but she knows he didn't miss it.

Then she realizes he's doing the same thing, and her heart is slamming so fast she'd probably be scared if she didn't have at least five other things worrying her more.

The music from inside is definitely some sort of ballad now. She's guessing "Almost Paradise."

She lets her eyes meet Daryl's again, and the expression she finds there undoes what little was left of her resolve.

Years later, when her mind wanders while she's making soup or waiting for him to come to bed or this close to falling asleep with her fingers wrapped around his arm, she'll wonder what it was. The whiskey? The music? The chair? The stars?

But she licks the sting of Jack Daniels off her own lips and whispers, holding his gaze so he'll know for certain that she's not joking this time, "On the off chance you're wondering if I'd like you to kiss me, I would." She swallows. "Like you to kiss me."

His eyes widen, and for an agonizing, never-ending moment that hangs there in the quiet darkness like every terrible decision she's ever made, he doesn't move or speak.

And then he shifts just enough to free his arms, takes her face in both of his hands, looks at her for another long beat (but this time with enough of a smile in his eyes that at least she starts to breathe again), and touches her lips with his.

His kiss is soft at first, so gentle and tentative that it's barely there. He's tilting her face ever so slightly each time his lips touch hers, moving slowly, like he's making a map of her mouth.

But it's not even close to enough for her.

"Daryl," she whispers.

"Hmm?" He sucks on her lower lip, barely-there pressure, and her whole body is humming.

"More," she says, pushing his hands away and somehow managing (in a maneuver much more graceful than she deserves after that much whiskey) to toss one of her thighs over his so she's facing him, kneeling over his lap while she looks at his flushed face and forces herself not to think.

Instead, she picks up right where they left off, only this time she's the one making the rules. Her tongue smooths over his lower lip and she can feel the vibration that rises from his chest. Her heart's still slamming, but now it's in the best way, and she smiles when he opens his mouth to her kiss and lets her slide her tongue over his. She breathes in the whiskey and the peanut butter M&Ms he'd been eating before they came out here and honestly they shouldn't taste good together at all but it's perfect and she can't get enough. His hands glide up the back of her dress, fingers trailing over her shoulder blades and the bones of her spine until he's stroking the sides of her neck with his thumbs.

She can't remember the last time anything felt this good.

It isn't until the back of his index finger is absently brushing the top of her breast where it barely shows in her shiny dress that he shakes his head and takes her hands, pulling back.

"Hey, we gotta stop." He's gentle, but his grip on her hands is very firm.

"You don't wanna-"

He shakes his head, and the smile he breaks into in the next half second makes her feel melty all over again. "I do wanna." He takes one of her hands and holds it between his, kissing her knuckles, his chapped lips a little rough yet still soft. "But not when we've pretty much finished a bottle of whiskey between us."

"Being sober's not gonna change my mind," she mutters, lifting herself off him in a move a great deal less graceful than the one that landed her there and squishing herself into the corner of the chair. They’re both tense now, breathing hard.

"It's not gonna change my mind either." She feels his hand on her chin, tilting her head in his direction. "Hey. Look at me, please?"

She does, finally, letting her eyes drift up to meet his. The expression in his eyes is softer and more open than she's ever seen it (save maybe for a split second when she found him after Terminus), and any irritation she was trying to feel evaporates. "I just wanna remember everything," he says, and he rubs his thumb over her cheekbone before dropping his hand. "That's all."

Her eyes sting and her throat tightens, but she doesn't let herself look away when she reaches down to slip her hand into his. "Well, this isn't even close to how I thought tonight would go," she blurts out.

"Me neither." His thumb strokes the side of her wrist. "Figured you wouldn't show up and I'd probably get shit-faced and pass out in Aaron and Eric's garage." He leans his head back against the chair's dark wood and lets out a long breath. "Gotta admit, this is a hell of a lot nicer."

She rolls her eyes but regrets it immediately, closing them to shut out the swirl. "Wow, that was so much whiskey."

"Shit, I shoulda stopped you." She feels the brush of his fingers pushing her hair off her forehead.

"I wasn't exactly shoving the bottle away."

"Want me to sneak in there and bring you some Advil?"

"I should just go to bed. Shit, I have to make it across the whole living room to go upstairs." She winces, squinting at the light that glows through the window and outlines the bodies of everyone who's still dancing.

"Close your eyes. I'll wake you up and make sure you get upstairs when they're all gone."

"Daryl, that's ridic-"

"You think there's anyplace on earth I'd rather be right now?" He pauses, and she can feel his shoulder lift by her cheek as he breathes. "'Cause there ain't."

And it hits her.

She was wrong, dancing in the kitchen making meatballs, a decade and at least four lifetimes ago.

To him, she's the most important thing.

She always has been.

The realization makes her feel even more lightheaded, and she's not ready to deal with any of the mutinous feelings that are ganging up on her from every hidden passageway in her mind she thought she'd sealed off and bolted shut.

So she rearranges herself a little, to make it easier for her to rest her head on his shoulder.

"You good?" he asks, his fingers warm where they land on her forearm.

"Very," she whispers, letting her eyes slip shut again. She listens to the cellos that sound surprisingly far away and realizes that -- in spite of the epic headache she's guaranteed to have -- for the first time in years, she's not dreading the morning.

She's looking forward to it.

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#caryl #fanfic #apologies in advance for whatever the hell this is #but i love them omg #carol peletier

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