#he lives in a hotel. they both basically live in his parents' hotel

[chadnoiraus]

this is technically a companion piece to this because they're in the same outfits ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[mrs-kmikaelson]

Our Song and Dance³

Pairing: Finnick Odair x reader Summary: You'd grown used to dancing the same dance over and over again, the victor's dance, but then you start dancing with Finnick Odair and you feel things you never thought you'd feel. So you let yourself enjoy the dance, even though you knew that every song inevitably came to an end. Warnings: long, exploitation of minors, mentions of forced prostitution, suicidal thoughts, implied torture, violence, complicated relationships, complex mental health issues, and i involve finnick more in everything Words: 8.1K

Masterlist | Part 4

a/n: switching it up, so this part is from finnick's pov. it's basically mockingjay one, then i'll do one more part for mockingjay 2. ly guys!

Finnick Odair was not sure that love existed. Or, at least he wasn’t. He could barely remember what his parents looked like, let alone if they loved each other. But he had Mags; she proved to him that love existed because he loved her. It was the falling in love that he was unsure about.

And then he met Annie Cresta and it was like he suddenly understood. Yes, this was what the poets were talking about. This was love. 

But they couldn’t be together.

He was being sold off all the time, taking countless visits to the Capitol. He couldn’t endanger her like that, let her get involved in the fucked up world he lived in. So he didn’t. He loved her from afar, knowing they’d never really be together.

He thought it’d end there, but then one night, he saw you. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was all his own will, but he walked up to you. He’d seen you at these events before, back home, and on TV, but standing there so close to you, it was like it was just hitting him how beautiful you were.

You were a victor, too. But he realized just how alike you were when he watched as you left a hotel room, in the same state as him. After that, it was you who took a chance on him until he almost looked forward to coming to the Capitol, just to see you.

You weren’t Annie. You didn’t remind him of what poets had written. No, he couldn’t describe you or what you meant to him in just words. What he grew to feel for you over time wasn’t akin to anything he’d ever read. This was so much more than that.

He loved Annie, he always would, but being with you made him realize what it was like to be in love.

But he never told you this, never said any of it out loud out of fear that he’d lose you.

Now he lost you, anyway.

The doors to his hospital room opened. He knew it was Katniss, but he didn’t say anything, staring right at the ground in front of him.

If he looked hard enough, he could see your face.

“Finnick.”

He looked up from his feet, but still didn’t look at her. He already knew what she looked like, and it wasn’t much better than him.

She was mad at him. She’d barely spoken to him since they got to 13, but he knew that she couldn’t have been much more mad at him than he already was at himself.

His voice was quiet when he spoke. “I wanted to go back for them—for Peeta, and Johanna, and Y/N… but I- I couldn’t move.” He twiddled his fingers with the rope in his hands, wishing it was your hand he was holding, but he wasn’t. You weren’t there. He left you.

He finally looked up at Katniss. She looked both emotionless and so emotional at the same time, lifeless but alive. “I- I love her, y’know?” He looked back down at the knot he was tying, sniffling involuntarily.

He was trying to keep it together, but without you, that was like trying to fix a broken glass without any glue. 

You were the glue that held him together.

And now the Capitol had you.

The words left his lips without much thought. “I wish she was dead.” He chose to stare at a spot on the ground instead of looking at Katniss’ reaction. His chest tightened. “I wish they were all dead and we were, too.”

If they had died, then at least they wouldn’t have been going through this, having to live but feeling so dead, anyway.

Katniss was silent until he eventually heard her leave the room.

There were words she didn’t say that still floated around the room, agreement that she didn’t voice. She was just as broken as him, holding on for dear life. He hoped that she’d keep holding on.

He had to have hope. He had to have hope that he’d see you again, that this wasn’t all for nothing, that they could build a better world that you could both live in. He needed to hope.

That hope was the only thing that kept him holding on, too.

He was in the cafeteria, sitting next to Katniss and Annie when it happened. The fanfare started playing, Caesar Flickerman’s face coming to the screen. He scoffed, tuning out and looking back down at the food on his plate, swishing it around. Recently, it had been hard for him to work up an appetite.

He looked back up when Katniss grabbed his hand, hers trembling. He soon realized why.

It was Peeta, on the Capitol TV.

Katniss got up, walking to the TV and standing right in front of it, shocked. He would’ve gotten up and followed her, tried to console her, but it was as if he was paralyzed.

Peeta was on the TV.

And you were nowhere in sight.

He heard the conversation that had everyone on the edge of their seat through muffled ears. Peeta didn’t look exactly like himself, but he still looked like the golden boy Panem fell in love with. It was so obvious that the Capitol was using him, playing him like a puppet, but what confused him was that they were using him and not the much more powerful weapon they had in their arsenal.

You were the Princess of Panem. Plutarch and Coin knew that; that’s why they wanted you. Katniss could light a fire, but if they also had you, then together you could cause an explosion. If the Capitol wanted to sway public opinion, why wouldn’t they just use you, someone who the people trusted and adored?

Suddenly, his stomach fell.

If they weren’t using you, then it was because you weren’t in a condition to be shown to the public.

He felt a hand on his, turning his head to see it was Annie, looking at him with a sympathetic expression. As if she could hear his thoughts, the smallest of sad smiles grew on her lips.  “It’s gonna be okay, Finnick,” she whispered. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

How the tables had turned. Now it was her assuring him.

In that moment, he understood Annie like never before.

Because he wasn’t so sure she was right.

After Peeta’s interview, Finnick didn’t leave his room much. He’d lie in bed and stare up at the ceiling, pretending that you were there with him. He could withstand the silence if he had you by his side.

But now, the silence was deafening.

Sometimes, he didn’t hear a thing. Other times, your voice would fill the gaps, memories of you flashing before his eyes like a movie. Sometimes, they weren’t memories at all. Sometimes, he imagined a different life for you where you were both happy, in love.

And, sometimes, he imagined what they could’ve been doing to you in the Capitol.

Whenever these awake-nightmares got too vivid, he’d find Katniss and sit with her, knowing she must have been going through the same thing. It was what you would’ve done, what you did with him and Johanna.

You wouldn’t have wanted them to suffer alone.

The next time he was around everyone else, it was per Coin’s request. She announced to them all that Katniss agreed to be The Mockingjay and that, in return, she’d look for an opportunity to extract you, the victors that had been taken.

Katniss moved next to him. “Finnick, I made the deal for Y/N, too.”

It was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Hope—this was hope.

“Good,” he said. For the first time since he left the arena, he smiled. “That’s good, Katniss.” A small chuckle left him.

Maybe he’d get a chance to make those dreams of his a reality.

With a newfound ardour, Finnick threw himself back into the ring instead of avoiding the fight like he had been, sitting in on meetings and doing whatever he could to make this work. He would see you again; he’d make sure of it. 

He went with the propo team to 8, watching as the Girl on Fire did exactly what they’d all been waiting for her to do. He wasn’t the only one that was hopeful—so were people in the districts, the people in 13.

They played her propo at the next assembly. The crowd cheered, but as he stood with The Mockingjay herself on the sidelines, she didn’t look so cheerful. Finnick understood this, he understood it well, but he couldn’t afford to think like that with your life hanging in the balance.

She shouldn’t have to either, he thought.

He leaned closer to her, quizzing, “You don’t like hearing a fight song at a funeral, huh?” She looked up at him almost in the same way she did when he made that joke in the arena. At the memory of your response, a small smile arose on his face. “The more people on our side, the closer we are to Peeta and Y/N,” he reminded her.

She nodded, muttering, “Yeah,” and then turning back to the crowd. She didn’t look so convinced, but he left it there, knowing she was coping with this in her own way.

If Katniss loved Peeta even half as much as he loved you, then he’d let her do whatever she felt comfortable with.

But at the end of the day, it was love that kept them both going.

The next time Peeta was on TV, it was a wake up call for everyone. He didn’t look so refined anymore, so clean. There were bags under his eyes. He looked like he hadn’t slept or eaten in days.

If this was what Peeta looked like and they still had him on TV, then what about you? 

A bile rose in his throat. He ran to the nearest trash can and threw up whatever they served that morning for breakfast, your face flashing underneath his eyelids. You weren’t smiling like in the dreams he had, but screaming.

He knew you weren’t dead, that the Capitol wouldn’t kill you, but when he pictured your face, you didn’t look so alive.

Oh, he wished he could’ve made you smile more. But in the world you lived in, sometimes it was too hard to even do that.

That’s why we’re doing this, he reminded himself. We’re trying to build a better world. But there were no words that Coin could say to shake the guilt he felt, guilt for leaving you, guilt for being the reason this happened to you. There was no band-aid he could put over this wound, no pills that could kill this pain.

But he had to push through it, and he couldn’t do that by sitting in his room by himself; every time he closed his eyes, he saw you. So he went to Katniss’ room, finding her in a position so similar to his own.

That was the man she loved on TV, even if she hadn’t come to terms with her feelings. She must have been just as guilty as him, if not more so. Finnick could remember a time when he rejected his feelings for you, too, scared of caring for somebody, scared of this happening.

He went through the Hunger Games and the Quarter Quell, being sold when he was only sixteen, but falling in love with you was the scariest thing he’d ever experienced.

If that’s how Katniss felt, then he didn’t want her to be alone, not when she reminded him so much of you.

So he sat next to her in silence, letting all of the words he wanted to say hang in the air, hoping that she heard them. They sat there wordlessly until Gale came in, telling them it was time to go, that they were going to 12.

It was only when he was about to leave that he finally spoke, deciding that these were words he had to make sure that she heard, words that he needed to hear, too.

“We’re gonna get them back, Katniss.” 

She looked at him, forming somewhat of a smile and nodding. After staring at her for a few seconds, he left the room, going to get ready.

She didn’t know it, but the entire hovercraft ride on the way to 12, he repeated those same exact words to himself over and over again.

We’re gonna get them back.

While nothing could really ease Finnick’s worries, seeing the people fight back certainly helped. The revolution was picking up traction. The videos they shot in 12 had moved people so much that they were willing to put themselves at risk, just out of hope for a better Panem.

If they could do that, then he could, too.

He wondered if you knew about any of this, if you were even aware of what was happening or if the Capitol was just keeping you in the dark. Did you know? Did you hear Katniss sing?

Did it remind you of him the same way it reminded him of you?

He had so many questions, and so little answers.

Rebels in district 5 bombed a hydroelectric dam, cutting power in the Capitol. Not long after, Peeta Mellark was back on TV, talking about it. He no longer even looked like himself. He didn’t look like a victor, but like someone who had lost.

But Finnick supposed that was what a victor was.

Beetee managed to get through the Capitol’s firewall, cutting Peeta off with Katniss’ propo. They watched as tears filled his eyes on screen.

That was the first time he looked like himself.

Are you, are you comin’ to the tree?

He faltered. “Katniss?”

Finnick watched as Katniss got closer to the screen, shaking her head. She saw it, too. She saw the man that went into that arena with them.

But then, like a victor would, his mask went back up so quickly. 

“The attack on the dam was a callous and inhuman act of destruction-”

Where a dead man called out for his love to flee.

Peeta inhaled shakily, his lips so slightly quivering. “Think about it,” he said. “How will this end? What will be left?” Finnick walked closer to the screen, like he was caught in a trance. Peeta’s previously calm façade had broken and was replaced with someone who looked stricken by panic. “No one can survive this. No one is safe now. Not here in the Capitol.” He shook his head. “Not in any of the districts.” 

He stopped, looking right into the camera as if he was staring into Katniss’ eyes. He may not have known it, but he was.

“They’re coming, Katniss. They’re gonna kill everyone.” They heard quick footsteps behind the camera as Peeta rushed to get his words out. “And in district 13 you’ll be dead by morning-”

Then the camera cut out.

Finnick didn’t know what to say, glancing over at Katniss to see her cupping her mouth in shock.

Haymitch was much more calm. With Katniss spinning out, he had to be. “He’s warning us. That was a warning.” Behind him, Boggs said something in agreement.

Katniss looked to have gotten over her shock, frantically turning and fretting, “We have to get him out before they kill him.” She was ignored.

What about you? he wondered. Where did this leave you? But right now, what they needed to worry about was where it left them.

Otherwise, you wouldn’t have anything to come home to.

“It’s time for an air raid drill.” Seconds after Coin spoke, an alarm went off. Everyone that’d been fixed to their spot in the room was up, like they’d been preparing for this for a lifetime, and from what he heard, they had been.

Katniss went running, searching for her sister while he went looking for Annie and Mags, grabbing them and descending down the stairwell as soon as he saw them. Adrenaline pumped through his veins, his mind blank, just as it was in the arena.

If he let his thoughts take control, then he’d lose it, and he couldn’t do that right now. He couldn’t slip up right now with what was at stake.

It was your life on the line.

He couldn’t lose you.

But a part of him knew that, the second you were in Snow’s hands, the you that he knew was lost forever.

Down in the bunker, Finnick sat on the bottom bunk with Mags off resting by herself while Annie had fallen asleep at the top. Sometimes, with her episodes, it was easy to forget that she was a victor, too, that she had danced the same dance you had. But she was, and she was dancing like never before.

He could tell that she had been trying hard to keep it together, but with all of the panic and the noise, it was hard. She fell asleep easily. 

Although the bunker was pretty quiet, his thoughts were still so loud. The last time he saw you played out in his head. He could still taste your lips on his, still feel your soft skin, still see your beautiful eyes.

I’ll see you at midnight?

Yeah, I’ll see you at midnight.

But he didn’t. He never saw you again. He would’ve never let you go if he’d known then what’d happen. He would’ve held you longer, kissed you longer. He would’ve told you he loved you.

If he’d known this’d happen, he would’ve told you long before The Games. The truth was, he couldn’t pinpoint exactly when he fell in love with you. It had always been Annie for him, and you were just there.

But that was exactly it. You were there. You were always there. 

Maybe he started falling for you after the first time you slept together. Maybe it was after your fifth time mentoring together. Maybe it was after the time he had a nightmare and you let him hold you. Maybe it was after you smiled, and really smiled, for the first time since you decided to start pretending to be a couple. He couldn’t be sure, but somewhere along the way, you became so much more to him than just Y/N Y/L/N, Princess of Panem and victor of the 67th Hunger Games.

You became the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

He just wished he could’ve told you that.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when someone walked up to him. “Hey.” He looked up, seeing Katniss. She looked beat, her voice quiet. “Can I sit?”

He nodded, moving over so she could sit next to him. She had her family down here, that’s why he hadn’t gone over to her, but he understood why she was coming to him. After going through what they went through, it was easier to be around people who went through the same thing, who were going through the same thing.

Like she was reading his mind, she asked, “Are you thinking about her?”

There wasn’t any need for further explanation. Truthfully, he answered, “Yeah,” looking down at the ground. Every moment he had that wasn’t dedicated to this revolution was spent thinking about you.

After a second, she spoke up again. “Snow’s using her to punish you. He’s taunting us with them.” She scoffed a little. “I didn’t understand that until just now watching that stupid cat.”

She was right. This wasn’t just about propaganda. This was about Snow’s little puppets misbehaving.

So now he was showing them that, even in 13, he still owned them. He still owned Finnick. He still owned Katniss. He still owned Johanna. He still owned Peeta. And he still owned you.

He was using you against him because he knew how much you meant to him, the same way he knew how much Peeta meant to Katniss, even if she didn’t see that herself.

Finnick sighed, debating on whether or not he should say what he was thinking or keep it to himself before deciding that he had held enough in, that holding his thoughts in had never done him any good. So he turned to Katniss and started, “I- Y/N and I, we hadn’t met until after she won her Games. We weren’t really friends, at first, but rumours start fast in the Capitol, especially when ‘royalty’ is involved.” He humourlessly chuckled. “People were saying that we were dating, and so she- she thought the best thing for us to do was to let them believe it, let them have their love story. The alternative, two people coping together- that was a lot darker than what the Capitol could handle.”

She tilted her head, furrowing her brows. He watched as she put it all together. “Wait, are you saying that…”

He nodded. “Yes. It was fake. Our love story was just that: a story.” Surprise was painted all over her face.

“But… you told me that you love her.”

A ghost of a smile came to his face. “I do. I love her. It wasn’t like that at first, but over time, I fell for her, Katniss.” He saw a look pass over her face: understanding. What he was describing wasn’t just you and him; it was her and Peeta. “Y/N and I, we learned how to play the game. If anyone could spot a fake relationship, it was us. After your first Games, we thought your whole romance was an act. We expected you to continue that strategy. But it wasn’t until Peeta’s heart stopped and he nearly died that… I knew I’d misjudged you. You love him.”

Katniss looked away, like what he was saying was something she’d never even considered. It was so clear to everyone that she loved him, everyone but herself.

“I’m not saying in what way,” he added, understanding her feelings so well because he’d right where she was. “Maybe you don’t even know yourself. But anyone paying attention can see it.” He maintained his stare, even as she looked away.

With the life they lived, you didn’t want to give yourself to love, to admit that to yourself, to allow yourself to be vulnerable. But you could only hide a love so strong for so long.

She swallowed, gaze still aimed at the floor. “How do you live with it?”

You’re asking the wrong person, he thought, but that wasn’t an acceptable answer. That wasn’t the answer she was looking for. Right now, Katniss was lost; he needed to point her in the right direction.

Even if he still had trouble doing that for himself.

He paused for a moment, searching for the right words to say. “I drag myself outta nightmares and there’s no relief in waking up,” he confessed. “But I- sometimes, when I’m awake, I let myself dream about her.” Finally, she looked over to him. “I dream that, one day, when this is all over, we’re living in a better world, happy.” The corners of his lips quirked up at the thought. “It’s hope, Katniss. That’s how I live with it.”

Katniss eyes were dull, red, tired, but even in the darkness of the bunker, he was able to see a tiny spark light up in her eyes.

Hope.

They’d fallen asleep in the bunker along with everyone else until Finnick woke up to Boggs shaking him, telling him that they had to go. Coin wanted Katniss to get in front of the camera, tell Panem that they were still standing after the attack.

But, as soon as they stepped outside, he watched her fall apart.

Roses.

A rose?

They’re a Capitol favourite.

You hated roses. Looking at them himself, he couldn’t even blame Katniss. He felt sick, too.

She couldn’t do it. She was almost hysterical, so of course Boggs let her go. They couldn’t put her on TV when she was like this. But they also didn’t have time to wait.

With Katniss gone, Haymitch and Boggs pulled him aside to a briefing room, getting started on a new plan.

“Okay, what are we doing?”

They gave each other a look, much like the look Plutarch and Haymitch traded right after the Quell, like they knew something he didn’t, like they were getting ready for him to explode.

“Finnick, the dam that went down in district 5 cut power in most of the Capitol,” Haymitch started. “Their defences are down���Beetee’s gonna be able to get in now.”

His brows furrowed. He already knew that. 

Sensing his confusion, Boggs cut in, “We’ve gotten word that the victors are in the Tribute Centre.”

Suddenly, it was like his heart stopped.

You were coming home.

He echoed his thoughts. “You’re going to get them?”

“Yes, I’ll be leading the mission-”

“Well, I’m coming.” Again, they both shared a look, like they were expecting him to say that, and why wouldn’t they? You were his girlfriend; of course, he wanted to be there to save you. 

“Finnick-”

He cut Boggs off a second time, repeating himself, “I am coming with you.”

“I’m afraid I can’t let you do that.”

He scoffed. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Finnick-”

“If you’re going to get Y/N, then I’m coming with you-”

“You are too valuable to this revolution for them to let you go,” Haymitch said, but Finnick really couldn’t give a damn about whatever reason they threw at him. You were all he could think about.

“I’m not just gonna sit here and do nothing while they’re being rescued,” he retaliated. For over a month, sitting around and doing nothing was practically all he’d been doing, fantasizing about you, unknowing of when he’d see you again or if he’d ever see you again, trying to imagine what you could’ve been going through.

He couldn’t just stand by while you were in a live or die situation.

If you died- no, he cut his thoughts off, refusing to finish the sentence.

You couldn’t die.

Haymitch sighed, glancing away before looking back at him. His eyes were always hard, but at that moment, Finnick saw flashes of sympathy. “You won’t be doing nothing.”

His eyes slightly narrowed. “What do you mean?”

The two shared another look before he told him, “Katniss can’t record right now. But you can.”

Another scoff left his lips, an incredulous look on his face as his voice was laced with sarcasm. “You want me to film a propo while you save Y/N?”

Haymitch didn’t respond right away, just staring at him like he was trying to properly articulate his words. The way he was looking at him unnerved him, like whatever he was gonna say could shatter him into a million pieces.

“Not a propo, Finnick,” he finally said, hesitation evident in his tone. “It’s a lot more than that.”

And, as Haymitch explained to him what they wanted him to do, Finnick learned just how much more that was.

Finnick Odair. That was a name synonymous with royalty, luxury, desire. Before he even met you, that was the name he’d built for himself—or, rather, the name that was thrusted into his arms.

A sex symbol.

When you won your Games, he could remember listening to the Capitol chatter. Stunning, refined, intelligent: a princess. You both already had so much in common, both from the same district, both so young when you won, but suddenly, as he watched you leave that hotel room that night in the Capitol, he realized that you had much more in common than he thought.

You were one and the same.

Those nights you spent together in the Capitol, out in the cold, you were silent. And then, even as you spoke to big Capitol fishes and gave speeches, you were still silent then, too, never speaking out about the injustices you’d been faced with.

Now, Finnick stood outside in the darkness, cold, but this time, you weren’t next to him. You weren’t next to him, and that was because Snow took you.

So he wasn’t going to stay silent anymore.

You deserved better than that.

He glanced around, almost as if he was trying to tell if his surroundings were real, if he was really doing this. 

He looked back when Cressida called his name, a careful look on her face. “Yeah,” he said, conveying he was okay without saying it, even if he really wasn’t. 

She didn’t look very convinced, but she still responded, “Okay.” She paused. “Take your time. Just remember to keep talking and don’t stop.”

He lightly nodded, looking up in front of him, seeing his breath in the air. For a moment, he was silent, but that moment didn’t last long. 

He had been silent for far too long already.

“This is Finnick Odair. Winner of the 65th Hunger Games,” he introduced himself, even though he knew that anyone watching must have recognized him right away. “And I’m coming to you from district 13, alive and well. We’ve survived an assault from the Capitol,” he recited. “But I’m not here to give you recent news.”

What he was going to tell them was much more than news about this rebellion. What he would reveal was about a war that’d started long before this rebellion ever did.

“I come with something much more valuable.”

I haven’t dealt in anything as common as money in years.

Well, then how do people pay for the pleasure of your company?

“The truth. The truth about being a victor, about being royalty.” Bitterness seeped through his tone. “Not the myths about a life of luxury. Not the lie about glory for your homeland.” He looked straight at the camera. “You can survive the arena. But the moment you leave, you’re a slave.”

We will never be free, Y/N.

He took in a breath before he spoke his next words, knowing that they held power stronger than a weapon. He may as well have been pointing the gun at his own head. But if he had to get burned to burn down the Capitol, then he would do it. He would do it a thousand times over.

And so would you.

“President Snow used to sell me. Or my body, at least. I wasn’t the only one.” Your face flashed in his mind. “If a victor is considered desirable, the President gives them as a reward or allows people to buy them. If you refuse, he kills someone you love.” Johanna.

It’s not fair. He killed her family. She said no, and he killed her family.

I know. It’s not fair, I know.

It was never fair. No riches or glory could ever be enough to compensate for that.

“To make themselves feel better, my patrons would make presents of money or jewelry. But I found a much more valuable form of payment.” The corners of his lips upturned slightly to form a small, humourless smile. “Secrets.”

The secrets he knew had the power to rip apart the Capitol’s so called “peace” at the seams. For him, for Katniss, for Johanna, for Peeta, for Annie, for you—this peace had fallen apart ages ago.

Katniss was forced to become the voice of thousands when she could barely do that for herself. Johanna turned to rage. Peeta turned to charm. Annie lost her mind. And you… what about you? 

It was about time that this peace was destroyed. It was about time that people understood exactly what victors really lost. And that Panem’s monsters weren’t hiding under the bed.

They were sitting on thrones.

“See, I know all the depravity, the deceit, and the cruelty of the Capitol’s pampered elite. But the biggest secrets are about our good President, Coriolanus Snow.” The biggest monster of them all. “Such a young man when he rose to power. Such a clever one to keep it. How, you may ask, did he do it?” He paused, looking right at the camera as if he was looking right into Snow’s eyes.

He hoped he was watching.

He hoped he was watching as they burned the Capitol to the ground.

“One word.” He lit the match. “Poison.” And then he dropped it.

“He stopped every mutiny before it even started. There are so many mysterious deaths to adversaries. Even to allies who were threats.” He could remember being at one of those dinners, watching a man fall onto his plate, his life over so quickly.

Once you were on the playing board, it didn’t matter how powerful you were. To Snow, you were all just pawns that he could knock off the board easily.

Not anymore.

“Snow would drink from the same cup to deflect suspicion. But… antidotes don’t always work, which is why he wears roses that reek of perfume. Help cover the scent of blood from sores in his mouth that will never heal.”

When Finnick learned this, he could remember the feeling he had, the satisfaction in knowing that a man who had spilled so much blood was bleeding himself. It was karmic.

How ironic was that?

“But he can’t hide the scent of who he really is,” he continued, remembering Cressida’s words. Don’t stop. “He kills without mercy. He rules with deception and fear. His weapon of choice is the only thing suited to such a man. Poison.” He scoffed. 

“The perfect weapon for a snake.”

Moments after Finnick’s last words, they were off the air. Cressida’s hand went to her ear, a dark look passing over her face. The Capitol air defence system’s coming back online, she said, and she didn’t get to say much else before he went running inside.

Much like every other day he’d spent in 13, your face came to his mind, but this time was different. This time, they went in to save you.

What if they couldn’t?

No, they had to bring you back- they had to.

He ran and ran until he got to ops, seeing Katniss crying in Haymitch’s arms. As soon as she saw him, she latched onto him and he reciprocated her hug tightly. He had to hold on. He had to.

He wouldn’t survive the fall if he let go.

He knows, he knows they’re in the Tribute Centre, she cried, and then for the second time that day, his heart stopped. He knew. Snow knew about the rescue mission.

His ears rang, eyes going blurry. And then things got a little blurry after that, too. Eventually, he ended up back in his room by himself. He didn’t know how he got there, but he did. All he could hear was your voices in his head.

No, you are coming home-

Finni-

We are both coming come. We are both coming home, Y/N, I swear.

He was supposed to protect you. He promised. He promised you that you would both make it home. But now where were you? You weren’t with him.

You never came home.

At one point, Annie came in, trying to be of some consolation, but she ended up leaving, unable to get through to him. He couldn’t hear her over your conversations that replayed in his head on a loop.

I told you. I’m not letting you die.

A tear raced down his cheek. He knew that you were maybe still alive, that you still had a chance, but that didn’t matter. It was never supposed to get to this point. He was never supposed to let it get to this point, a point where you could be dead.

He was supposed to bring you home.

Yeah, I’ll see you at midnight.

The doors suddenly slid open and Katniss walked in, breaking him out of his spell. He wiped the tears that’d fallen, clearing his throat. “Is there any news?”

Solemnly, she shook her head. “No.” He sighed as she sat down next to him, a big exhale leaving her lips, too. Both of them had passed the point of exhaustion, but it wasn’t like they could rest. Finnick wasn’t sure that he could sleep if he tried.

With this song playing so loudly, how could he?

Katniss was dancing the same dance as him, fighting the same battles. The man she loved was out there, too. She must have been just as scared as him.

They sat in silence for a while until she broke it, her voice raspy and just above a whisper. “Finnick?”

He turned to see her looking down at the ground. “Yeah?”

“I-” she stammered. It was only when she looked up at him that he saw the look in her eyes and knew why she was so nervous.

He shook his head. “It’s fine-”

She scoffed. “No, it’s not- it’s not fine-”

“Katniss-”

She cut him off. “I’m sorry.” Her words made him swallow. He knew she was going to speak them, but for some reason, hearing them was so different, surreal. She exhaled again, maintaining eye contact. “I am sorry.”

Finnick looked away. It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate her apology, but he felt uncomfortable, looking into her eyes and just seeing the pure sorrow, pity. No, Katniss hadn’t been through exactly what he had, but at that moment, looking into her eyes was like looking into a mirror.

He couldn’t handle that right now, not when he stood at the top of the tallest mountain in the world and had such a long way to fall, everything to lose. 

He nodded, accepting her apology without words. It wasn’t her fault. She didn’t know, she didn’t know him back then. She hadn’t been a victor long enough to know yet. If anything, he was glad that she didn’t get to know their world, that she wasn’t sucked up by the same darkness that took you and him.

He was glad that her and Peeta got time in the sun, even if it was only for a little while.

“Y/N…” At the sound of your name, he turned back to her, seeing her brows furrow, eyes glazed over. “When I met her, she said something to me.” Realization flashed across her face as she looked up. “Was- was she-”

He cut her off, “Yeah. Yeah, she was.” When he blinked, he saw you walking out of that hotel room, the look on your face. He’d never forget the way you looked at him that night.

May the odds be ever in your favour, darling.

“There were more,” he admitted. “Any victor that the Capitol found desirable was taken. Annie only couldn’t because of her madness. Johanna-” a humourless chuckle left his lips. “Johanna refused, and her entire family paid the price.” He look back to Katniss to see that her mouth had fallen open, a look of horror on her face. “You and Peeta were spared because you were together. Hell, that’s the reason Y/N and I got together, to escape all this. And now look where we are.”

With you on the verge of dying and Finnick on the verge of losing everything.

You. You were his everything.

And you didn’t even know it.

“I never told her, Katniss.” He was breathless, like the wind had been knocked out of him. He’d realized this before, knew that he made a mistake, but now it was like he was realizing that he may never get the chance to correct it. “I- I never told her I loved her.”

I’m your girlfriend now?

Oh, come on, Y/N. You can’t be serious right now.

I am so serious right now.

You had no idea. You had no idea that you were the reason he kept living, that you were the reason he kept going, even when it hurt so badly. He’d walk through Hell if he could get to Heaven and be with you.

But what if you never knew that?

What if you died without knowing how he felt about you?

Katniss grabbed onto his hand. He looked to see tears welling in her eyes. “You will,” she whispered. “Hope, Finnick. You need to have hope.”

“Hope,” he echoed. Just like how he saw your face, he was able to see a future just as easily. It was so clear. That better world that Coin went on about, the better world that they were fighting for… it was just within their grasp. He nodded, managing to form somewhat of a smile. “Hope.”

He needed that, now more than ever. If he ever wanted to make it to that better world, to live in it with you, then he had to have hope—hope for the both of you.

Katniss didn’t say much after that; neither did he. Both of them were reflecting on their own, still trying to process all the turmoil that the day had caused. He spent his time thinking of you, imagining that better world.

In a better world, you and Finnick would’ve never been sold. You would’ve met, and he would’ve gotten the chance to fall in love with you the right way. He wouldn’t have been so scared to tell you. You would’ve given back to the community, not taken kids to their deaths.

You would’ve been so happy together.

But that wasn’t the world you lived in.

In the world you lived in, you and Finnick were sold at ages far too young. First, you sold your souls by winning The Games, and then your bodies were sold to people who had no business touching you.

In the world you lived in, you were only brought together because of tragedy. You only dated to try and save yourselves from a much greater evil, not because you loved each other.

In the world you lived in, Finnick fell in love with you. But he couldn’t tell you that, not when his biggest fear became losing you.

But in the world you lived in, he lost you, anyway.

So he had to have hope that a better world was possible- he had to. Not having that was another blow he wasn’t sure he could take.

When imagining your better world turned into reminiscing over all that’d happened to you both, he cut his thoughts off. He couldn’t let himself stop and break down now, not when he was so close to the finish line, so close to you.

So he pulled rope from his pocket, tying the same knots over and over again, a habit he’d picked up at a young age. Focusing on the knots was able to take his mind off everything, allowing white noise to play instead of this song.

He didn’t want to hear it without you.

He did this until he lost track of time. It was only when the doors slid open again that he was broken out of his trance. Katniss perked up right away. It was Haymitch behind the door, looking as enthusiastic as Finnick had ever seen him. “They’re back.”

She gasped, getting up and running right away, but it was as if Finnick was cemented to his spot. They’re back. 

You were back.

Just like that, he was shaken out of his shock, standing and quickly catching up with them.

They ran until they were in the medical area. As soon as they got there, he saw Johanna, ripping an IV out of her arm. Her hair was gone, shaven off, bruises all over her pale, pale face.

“Johanna,” Katniss muttered, but Finnick’s attention was elsewhere, eyes darting around the room, searching for you, heart racing.

And then he saw you.

His eyes went wide. “Y/N!” Without waiting another second, he ran to you. After over a month, here you were, right in front of him.

But it wasn’t so simple.

You flinched as his hands went to touch you, making him retract them right away. Your eyes didn’t look in his direction once.

Like you were scared of him.

At the thought, his heart clenched. It was only then that he noticed you were shaking, even as you were covered in blankets.

Your body was littered with cuts and bruises. You were pale, too, so clearly malnourished and sleep deprived. But it was your eyes that really got him. Your beautiful eyes no longer looked so lively. They looked empty.

You looked like a ghost.

“Y/N?” His voice cracked simultaneously with his heart. Why weren’t you looking at him? “Y/N-”

He was cut off. “Mr. Odair.” He turned to see a doctor standing on the other side of your bed, a hesitant look on her face and a look in her eyes that made a shiver go up spine. “Could I speak to you for a moment?”

He glanced back to you, seeing that you still weren’t looking at him. Your gaze was fixed on a spot on your bed. You hadn’t looked up once, even as the doctor spoke. Confused, he nodded, letting the woman pull him to the side, out of earshot from you.

But even as the doctor started speaking, he couldn’t get your eyes out of his mind.

That look in your eye was somehow worse than any of his nightmares combined.

“Mr. Odair, Ms. Y/L/N’s condition is… it’s quite complex,” she cautioned. He furrowed his brows, his worry increasing.

“What do you mean- is she okay-”

“No, I meant- physically, I’m not seeing much to be worried about. Of course, she could be better- much better, but this is what we were expecting.” She paused, glancing at you. “Mentally- I’m not even sure where to begin.”

He glanced back at you, too, to see that you were still staring at that same spot on your bed. He let the doctor’s words register in his brain. You weren’t okay.

“We’ve informed psych, but for now, you’re just gonna need to give her time.” Time.

He let out a breath, feeling his eyes getting wet as what she was saying really soaked in. “You’re telling me to leave.” Just as he got you back.

“Mr. Odair-”

“You’re telling me to leave.”

“Finnick.” She cut him off with a strong call of his name. “Your girlfriend’s mental state right now is unstable. She’s in shock; she’s not herself right now. It is going to take some time to get her out of this state, and it’s going to be hard for you to see her in it. In the meantime, the best thing you can do for her is take some time to collect your thoughts.”

She was telling him to go off and think. Did she know that’s all he’d been doing for hours, thinking and throwing himself into the worst possible scenarios, only to realize that one of them had become a reality?

But he didn’t tell her this, instead looking back at you. You were lifeless. When he looked back at the doctor, there was a pleading expression on her face. He didn’t want to leave you, but she made it sound like the best possible thing to do for you. So he did.

But the truth was, he just couldn’t bear to watch you when you were like that.

You were the love of his life. It was like his heart started beating again when he saw you there, alive, but then it dulled once he really looked at you.

You didn’t look like the girl he fell in love with, the girl that went into that arena, or the girl he said goodbye to. It only took a month, and now you looked like a completely different person, like you had seen things no man had ever seen.

In his haze, Finnick made it back to his room, but he didn’t make it to the bed, collapsing onto the floor, bringing his knees up to his chest as his mind spun.

You were alive. He thought that, when he finally saw you again, all of his worries would be erased, that everything would be okay again, that the world would go back to being in colour instead of this black and white that he’d been stuck in with Katniss.

But nothing seemed more colourful.

Nothing seemed better.

You were here. You were back, Y/N Y/L/N, the same woman he loved, the same woman he’d dreamt about for weeks. You were alive. 

But, oh, he should’ve known it couldn’t have been that easy.

Your heart was beating, your eyes were open, and you were there… but that didn’t mean you were alive.

I told you. I’m not letting you die.

Little did Finnick know, you were already dead. 

Taglist: @avoxrising @mxacegrey @littleshadow17 @lovelyteenagebeard @nasyanastya @catastrxblues @zodiyack @zulpix-blog @mushroomelephant @muggies @lantsovheiress @hobiebrowns-wife @notplutos @faeriepigeons

[wonderlandwalker]

Shining Bright | James Potter x Reader

Marauders Masterlist / Inbox

Summary: You and James reunite after the winter holiday, reminiscing old memories and stumbling into new ones. Except Sirius doesn't know you're dating yet, and James is not particularly good at hiding it anymore.

Content Warnings/Tags: Smut, fluff, angst kinda idk, Reader is Sirius' sister (how do I even tag that), 18+, hinting at abuse, simping, traumatizing bystanders, not proofread just go with it, no use of y/n, ignore any plotholes

Word Count: 4.0k

A/n: I listened to the hazbin hotel soundtrack on repeat while writing and I'm praying it doesn't show. This was gonna make this longer but then I got impatient so lemme know if you'd like more. Not kidding when I say it's not proofread this came straight out of my notes so sorry for any mistakes, will come back later to fix them xx

The black family siblings were all as bright as the stars they were named after, James knew this for a fact. Sirius was the brightest star in the night sky, scorching others with his light in a way you couldn't look away from even if you wanted to. Regulus, not as blinding as his brother, but shining in his own right amongst those who took the effort to look for the constellation he carried with him. And you, you were a puzzle James couldn't yet solve, the light luring him in like that spark people spend their lives looking for, never sure if they'll ever get to hold it.

After Sirius had been sorted into Gryffindor in his first year, your parents had been very strict about who you socialized with, not wanting any further damage to the oh so carefully crafted family image. Not that it mattered, you and Sirius found plenty of ways to talk, most people didnt care enough to snitch and the ones who did were familiar enough with what you both were capable of to watch their tongues. Sirius was more loud and proud in his defiance, living up to his namesake in the sky, but you were better at hiding it, playing into the part people expected. Yes, Sirius was a fallen star, and your parents had worried he’d drag you with him, but you only shined brighter in his absence, trying to make up for the light lost as if something wasnt permanently dimming it.

And that's exactly what he was worried about right now, because you were never really yourself after a holiday at the Black family manor, always a part of you left behind, a part dimmed. But James was your sun, always there shining bright enough to ignore anything else, because with his light you were never truly dulled. He had missed you, he had missed you so much, your relationship was fresh, but he had been head over heels from the first time you kissed. He had been replaying the memory in his head so often he could almost see it. 

You were slytherin’s head girl, just as he was gryfindoors head boy, and you had run into each other while doing rounds of the hallways. Typically this would be a job for the prefects, but for some reason the both of you had decided to take over their duties for the evening, you called it luck, James called it destiny.

It was simply banter while walking down the halls, and it was mostly at James’ expense, but he wouldn’t trade the moment for anything. He was loud with his body, moving his hands as he talked and sometimes kicking his feet ahead of him, but you were more quiet, more calculated. So James did what he always did, talk. “I had a dream once about a glass of strawberry lemonde except it was only as big as my pinky finger, and there was this duck who tried to keep stealing it from me.” You stop in your tracks as he finishes his rant, staring right at him. “Oh my god, I had the exact same dream.” “Really?” his eyes were wide as he saw your face change.

“Are you crazy, of course I didn’t.” You fell back into step and he hurriedly caught up with you again. “Well you never know, Sirius and I have the same dreams sometimes, I mean we’re basically brothers-”

“Does that make me basically your sister?” Your eyebrows were raised at him as you asked your question, and he had to do his best not to trip over his own feet as he answered.

“What, no!-” his face had turned bright red rather quickly, and you would probably never admit this to him, but you had found it quite endearing. “I don’t, I just don’t think of you as a sister, definitely not a sister.” Somehow you had turned him into a nervous wreck in under a minute, and you were quickly getting addicted to the effect you had on him, letting him tumble over his words further.

“Like, if I married you, Sirius would be my brother but you wouldnt be my sister, you know. Those two things don’t have to go togethe-” his thoughts slowly trailed off as he turned his head to look at you, a bright smile now evident on your face, and if this is how your face lit up, he’d gladly make a fool of himself for the rest of his life. “You’ve been thinking about marrying me?” Your head was turned up towards him, challenging him to continue his train of thought. He looked frantically around him as if searching for an answer, hiping the right thing to say would magically appear, but of course it didnt. “What, of course not, I don’t wanny marry you. Wait- no i mean, hypothetically I would but-” “You can relax James, I’m just messing with you” Your shoulders were slightly shaking, suppressing laughter he was desperate to hear. “Right” The tension seeped out of him right as he started laughing himself, and it was so infectious you couldnt help but join him in it.

The two of you fell into an effortless silence as you continued, and James was about to break it before you beat him to the punch. 

“You know, right now would be a great moment to kiss me” he was sure he would get whiplash from the way his head turned towards you. The look on your face didnt give anything away, and for a moment he had wondered if he had made it up. “If that's the sort of thing you’d want to do” you were looking down at your shoes now, roles reversed as you had become the nervous one, and for another moment he just stared at the blush creeping up on your face before he realised he should probably say something, anything. 

“Don’t you think this is wrong? '' Alright, maybe that wasnt the right something to say, but he genuinely pondered before you put his worries to rest. “dont you think that’s up to us to decide?” You were looking up to him now, eyes enchanting him with a single glance.

“If Sirius finds out-” “I won’t tell if you don’t”

“Well- “James, do you want to kiss me or not?” “Merlin, yes.” with that the last of James’ self control was lost, and he pushed you into the wall behind you as his lips found yours, dedicated to explore you for as long as youd let him. You melted into the kiss just as quickly, leaning your body into him as he pressed up against you. James was eager with everything he did, and this was no exception. His hands didnt know where to go, never staying still for long as they roamed your body, you couldve sworn they were little rays of sunshine, lighting you up everywhere he touched. Your own hands found their way to the nape of his neck, tugging at some hair, resulting in a small moan leaving him, and after the taste you were desperate for more. James found himself in a similar situation, completely forgetting his surroundings as his mouth made its way to your neck, trailing kisses down from by your ear to your pulse point until you were silently moaning his name, begging him not to stop, not that he’d ever dare to. 

He continued his assault on your neck, his hands trailing up higher and higher underneath your shirt, longing to feel more of you, you tugged at his hair again and led him back to your face, connecting your lips once more, this time more sloppy, your patience completely gone. 

James was ready to drop to his knees for you, and he would have if he didnt hear someone nearly shriek behind him. He turned around, coming face to face with a second year Hufflepuff who looked close to fainting, stuck in place at the corner she had just turned. 

“Shit” he mumbled as he leaped forward, not sure whether to comfort the girl or scold her for being out past curfew. As James looked back at you you were close to losing it, and he couldnt deny the humour of the situation himself. In the end the two of you walked the girl back to her common room, not too worried about the situation with how in shock she seemed to be.

So yes, winter break had left him simply wishing to be near you again, and now he was so close he could almost already feel you in his arms again. He had debated telling Sirius, it would be so much easier, since he had moved in with the Potters a while ago and James was struggling to keep his yearning for you to himself, he was sure his parents had figured it out already, but simply choose to let him deal with it on his own for now. Everytime you send Sirius an owl he wanted to take him by the shoulders and shake him, hoping that information about you would fall out like loose change.But he knew Sirius couldn't know, he knew that. Everyone assumes it's James who can't keep a secret, always wearing his heart on his sleeve, but really that's only because he's never really had  a reason not to. Truly, it was Sirius who couldn't keep a thing to himself, once he knew, half of Hogwarts knew, he just couldn't stop himself from talking about the things that excited him, which was one of the qualities James so adored, but not one which would play in your favour at the moment. 

You were still living with your parents, still subject to their ways and while James had begged you to come live with him as well, you were hesitant. Hesitant to leave Regulus behind, hesitant to leave the life you had grown so accustomed to, even if it wasn't a good one. The both of you knew your parents would never approve, sure, James held the pureblood status, but it had lost its value the moment he harboured Sirius.

And so when the winter holiday came to an end and they once again reached Hogwarts, James was the embodiment of pure excitement. He was glad no one was questioning it, most likely brushing it off as joy at reuniting with his friends, which wasn't entirely untrue. 

For a little while he truly got lost in seeing everyone again, trading stories with Remus and Peter about what they had been up to, discussing pranks that needed to be set ij motion to make up for lost time, but when the start of term party took place and he walked down to the common room with the others he froze in his tracks, because there you were. For a split second he wondered if it had been a dream, he had been having them so often now, but Sirius rushed past him to envelop you in a hig so tight you spilled half of your drink over yourself, cursing at him in such a soft tone of endearment as you hugged him back.

"I've missed you, you know" Sirius was beaming at you, doing a quick double check of you, something James used to not think much about until je started doing it himself after he found the strange bruises none of you dared to speak of. 

"Yes Siri, I do know" you chuckled back at him, and in that moment all the worry disappeared.

"I've missed you too" 

The rest of the group caught up with the two of you, and it was Remus who first spoke

"It's good to see you back" he acknowledged with a small nod, not one for big gestures, but you had all learned it truly was the thought that counts.

"It's good to be back, now if you'll excuse me, I have to go change so there's no longer firewhiskey all over my shirt" You gave a pointed look at Sirius, but his antics were nothing new to you.

"Just use one of my sweaters so you don't have to go all the way back to the slytherin dorms, I have some extras upstairs" sirius nudged his head towards the stairs, you gave him a final hug as you moved to take him up on his offer.

As you walked by him James could smell the blend of vanilla and rosemary that was still there despite the liquor, it intoxicated him like a drug he was already hooked on, finally getting a fix of it after so long apart, and he had to remind himself not to grab you and kiss you right then and there. 

You disappeared from his sight as you went up to the dorms and it only took another second for James' brain to spring to action.

"I gotta go" 

"What, why? We just got here" he knew he would need a better excuse, but the fuses in his head weren't connecting.

" forgot my wand" is what splurged out

"Why would you need your wand we're-" thankfully it was Sirius's short attention span that came to the rescue, because the moment he saw Marlene he made a beeline to go see her. James wondered if he had it in him to explain his actions to Peter and Remus, but neither of them seemed to mind much, so he sprinted off to the stairs as well.

As soon as he got to his dorm, he reminded himself to knock, not wanting to startle you.

"Merlin Sirius, how am I meant to find anything in this mess?" James creaked the door open to see you rummaging through your brother's trunk, still looking for the sweater you had come up here to find.

"Why don't you just wear one of mine" even the idea of it already made James's head dizzy. Your head spun around as soon as you heard his voice, and for a moment the two of you simply stood there, looking at each other like a long lost treasure. But it didn't last long, because right after James crossed the room in record time, he took you in his arms, connecting his lips with yours as if you were his last source of oxygen. The kiss was heated and filled with lust from the both of you, and James could finally let himself go, finally let his thoughts out and make them reality once more.

That’s why he decided not to waste any more time as he gently nudged you towards his bed, making sure you wouldnt hit the headboard as the both of you laid down. He remembered the path he was trailing down your neck with his eyes closed, had remembered the way your breath hitched and your hips squirmed everytime he did so. All he had to do was follow the same signs and you were a mess underneath him in no time. His hands made their way up underneath your skirt, massaging the skin underneath his fingertips as he heard you moaning out his name, pleading for him to keep going, and he was more than happy to fullfill your request. He continued his way down until he came face to face with your whiskey stained shirt, not thinking twice before taking it off you, but from how you were quick to connect his lips with yours once more you didnt seem to mind. But James was a man on a mission, and it was not one he was willing to abandon. So he willed himself to ignore the whine that left you as he moved away from the kiss, knowing you’d forgive him for it soon enough.

He found his way to your chest and took in the sight for sore eyes you were to him, once again glowing underneath him. He was starting to suck bruises onto your skin, love marks he knew only he would see, and when he would next time he’d be just as eager to leave even more of them behind. Having you like this again, feeling the heat of your skin against him, your hands tugging at his curls as he could hear more and more moans slip out of you, it got him hard in his trousers simply thinking about all the things you’d let him do to you, all the things he’d do for you. He was rutting his hips into the mattress, desperate for the friction of it, his hands krept up further towards your cunt, inching further up until he could slide your underwear to the side and feel just how wet you were for him. His mouth was still busy on your chest as one of his fingers found its way inside of you, making you arch your back towards him. “Fuck darling, your pussy feels just as good as I remember” You wanted to reply to him, telling him how good he felt inside of you, his long hands reaching places you never could on your own, but your words failed you as just another moan left you, your exterior having crumbled down in a matter of minutes thanks to the one and only James Potter, but he seemed to know exactly what was going on.

“I know baby, I’ll take good care of you don’t worry”

He had never broken a promise before, and he wasn’t about to start now, he added a second finger, crooking them inside of you towards the one spot that would turn your vision white as if you were staring straight into the sun itself. If this had been any other moment you might have been embarrassed about how fast you were starting to reach your high, but James wasnt the only one who had been waiting for this, dreaming about seeing each other again, counting down the days. It took him only a little while longer, encouraged only further by your laboured breathing until he was sure he was about to reach his own climax simply from the sounds you were making underneath him as he coaxed you through it. But he didnt give you much time to recover, not letting you catch your breath as he went further down the bed until he could start kissing your thighs, giving in to the urge to bite some of the fat leading up to your cunt, it made you produce a small shriek, and it encouraged him even further.

So he wasted no more time, attaching his lips to your clit and lapping at it like a man starved, wanting to make you cum again, wondering how fast he could make you come undone again. His tongue hungrily took in all the juices from your previous orgasm and from the next one creeping closer and closer. His nose kept bumping against your clit as his mouth was now on your opening, not quite reaching the spots his finger could but oh so heavenly in a whole other way. He was dangerously close to his own high now, rather sure he’d reach it the moment you started spasming underneath him from the overstimulation. But he wasnt letting down just yet, doubling down on his efforts as he felt you grow restless, gracing his ears with whimpers and whispers reserved only for him. He could tell you were about to tip over the edge, knew you and your body well enough by now to see the signs before you even registered them yourself. “You can let go, I’ve got you” he accentuated his words with a soft squeeze to your inner thighs as he could feel you melt into him and took everything you would give him. 

“I’m pretty sure you just beat your record” you were breathless but you were already softly giggling as a wide smile broke on his face, proud of himself for his endeavors but furthemore proud of how he had been able to get you to let your walls down around him, how you had let him help you disassemble them brick by brick with each passing day. It was still early in the relationship, but James had never been so sure as to the fact that he loved you, because your presence made him shine even brighter than he already did, and he wasnt sure how much longer he could keep it contained. He moved back up the bed, caging you in with his arms as he leaned down to kiss you, no longer hurriedly or messy, but soft and delicate like the first rays of morning light.

Just as he did so however, someone came barelling in the room, and James cursed himself for not having locked it. 

“You better not be cutting one of my shirts into a tank-top again- holy fuck” Sirius very nearly landed face first into the hard wood flooring as he caught sight of the two of you before he he steadied himself on the dresser. The both of you shot up from your positions on the bed, and, ironically enough, approached him as one would a startled deer. “What in Merlin’s beard were you two just doing” He looked as if he was contemplating life itself, and you almost felt bad for him

“What, nothing, you’re drunk-” James tried to defend, but you were rather sure there was no way out of this one.

“I’m not drunk, I’m sober and that's the problem” He was flailing his hands around now, and it was hard to suppress the laugh bubbling its way up your throat. 

“Don’t laugh, this is not a situation to laugh at” he was trying to be stern, but it didnt quite suit him. 

“It’s alright Sirius, James and I have been seeing each other for a little while now” He was no longer shocked, no, his current expression better resembled being offended.

“And neither of you told me” he was nearly shouting now, but the party downstairs was loud enough that it didn’t really matter anyway.

“We haven’t told anyone, and youre not exactly the best at keeping secrets.”

“Excuse me, I’m great at keeping secrets, I never told you he’s had a crush on you since third year, but apparently I should have”

“Completely forgot I ever told you that” James’ shoulders had lost their tension as he stood next to you now, slowly reaching out for your hand.

“I will go now before either of you scar my eyes any further” Sirius said as he made his way back to the dorm door.

“Oi Moony, wait till you hear- fuck I can’t tell you” He had made a complete mood shift once more as he turned fuzzy, wanting to tell someone the news immediatly.

“It’s fine, Remus knows.” You tell him, interlacing your fingers with James’ in the meantime.

This time he looked betrayed again, halfway down the stairs already as you could hear him yelling. “You knew and didnt tell me?!” and it was faint, but you could make out Remus’ voice as well. “Of course I knew, I have eyes” The two of you looked at each other as he placed a simple kiss on top of your hair, a small gesture of affection that would become increasingly more common with time. He turned around briefly to grab something from his trunk  and before you could register it he had already asked, the shirt in his hand.

“Still gotta change your top, why don’t you take my jersey” It made your heart flutter as you slipped the item of clothing over your head and you went to follow Sirius downstairs, figuring this was as good a time as any to tell everyone.

[kodamaghost00]

30 Angel Dust Headcanons

———————————————————

[Disclaimer!!]

This post will contain: NSFW,Sfw,Fluff,Smut.

It’s also Genderless for the girls,gays and theys!You’re a new resident at the Hotel in this scenario.

———————————————————

Let’s begin!

He calls you “Sugar” and “Cutie” for sure. He loves seeing you flustered. It always gets him a good laugh.

When you first arrived at the hotel he flirted with you instantly since you’re his type. He got exited when you mirrored his demeanor.

He listens to music to calm himself down. Especially after a long shoot with Valentino.

You and him immediately start off on good terms. You casually flirt together too.

He trusts you very much. He told you about his experience with Val and you comfort him when he cries.

He’s the biggest bottom you could ever find but if you are a bottom/switch he’s willing to top you.

He asks you to review his porn and give your honest opinion.

Fat nuggets is your child now. You both are proud parents.

One night Angel,Fat nuggets and you slept in one bed together after watching a horror movie as a family… how adorable…

Angel isn’t the type to wake up early. You mostly have to wake him up. “Not now Sugar, daddy needs his beauty sleep.” You just laughed and shook your head after hearing that.

You help him on set often too. You hate Val but admire Angels dedication for his job. You mostly help with the make-up application.

He takes good care of you when you guys go out. It can be a handful if cherry is going to a bar with y’all.

After a long day he just wants to rest and cuddle with you. He warps his arms around you and lightly snores.

He wakes up in the middle of the night often due to nightmares… he wakes up with sweat all over him. “Huh… just a dream… it was just a dream…”

When he looks at you he has this one specific look of “I love you but I can’t tell you directly” . And it’s adorable…

You both definitely planned to rob a bank together.

Angel often says “If I would’ve known you during my living days, I think we would’ve get together perfectly.”

He will fuck the living shit out of you. He loves to sweet talk but also to degrade you.

Valentino even suggested if you two would like to do a porn together and angel was tempted to say yes. But for your sake he declined Val’s offer.

Sometimes angel gets knocked out at the bar so you and husk have to drag him to his room.

He’s actually also a talented artist. He drew you a potrait once and it looked incredible realistic. He never rlly explored this side of him though.

Often says “pspspspspspsps” to husk just to piss him off…

He basically has no type. He’ll just fuck what he likes.

He sees Niffty like a little sister that he has to babysit often.

He would go into a poly relationship with you and Husk.

Fat nuggets sleeps next to him every single day. No exeptions.

He likes interacting with his normal fans who don’t sexualize him and actually like his talent.

He often needs reassurance and calls with Cherry a lot for it.

Him and Cherry shit talk for literal HOURS. Especially about Valentino. “He’s the last one to criticize my hair… GET YOURSELF YOUR OWN FIRST AND THEN WE CAN TALK.”

The only thing he actually is grateful for is fat nuggets… he dresses him up often.

———————————————————

MASTERLIST

Thank you so much for reading my silly headcanons once again. I know I’ve been gone for quite some time but life’s though rn… so we’ll see each other next post!!

- Your Ghost ༼ つ ╹ ╹ ༽つ

[armandposting]

sybelle & benji primer

for those who would prefer not to put themselves through The Vampire Armand

who are sybelle and benji? the short answer is that they are two humans that armand effectively adopts after killing sybelle's abusive brother. they help armand recover after his suicide attempt and come with him when he goes to see lestat in his devil-coma (don't worry about it). armand's intent with them has always been to protect them while they live out their human lives, but he leaves them with marius while telling his life story to david talbot and marius turns them, whcih devastates armand.

but also, sybelle is a 25 year old disabled pianist and benji is a 12 year old trafficked Bedouin boy from Palestine who chainsmokes. so there's kind of a lot going on there.

[prefacing this by saying it's possible benji and sybelle were first introduced in memnoch the devil but I haven't finished my reread of that yet and I don't remember, so this all comes from the vampire armand and what i remember of the prince lestat trilogy]

to skim over a bunch of semi-relevant plot, at the end of memnoch the devil armand tries to kill himself by flying into the sun because lestat got to make out with Thee Jesus and armand didn't. as he's getting burned up he has several semi-hallucinatory side quests, one of which is sybelle and benji.

sybelle, like I said, is a concert pianist, and has some sort of developmental or neuro disability that anne doesn't specify. you could interpret it as autism or psychosis related to PTSD or depression or any number of things, but when we meet her she is fixated on the Appassionata piano sonata, and plays it constantly. she is with her abusive older brother, who took over her care after their parents died, and Benjamin Mahmoud (benji), a young boy that her brother essentially bought to help take care of her. sybelle struggles with eating, dressing herself, speaking, etc, though this is all much improved later on after the brother is dead. Armand hears benji praying for something to save sybelle from the brother, who is trying to haul her off the piano and beat her, and benji is worried will kill her. Armand steps in and kills the brother. benji celebrates, sybelle goes back to the piano, and armand basically immediately falls in love with them both, but he has a suicide attempt to finish, so he gets swept off.

armand eventually lands on a rooftop, burned to a crisp and quickly becomes stuck in the snow and ice. he continues to hear sybelle's playing and benji talking to him (benji calls him angel at first, later dybbuk-- notable funny bit is that benji, not knowing what happened to armand, tries to persuade him back by saying he has plenty of good cigarettes and then complaining that armand left them this dead body to deal with. if theres one thing about benji mahmoud it's that he is not fazed by jack or shit). eventually armand realizes that he is not going to die any time soon and calls out to benji for help.

benji and sybelle rescue armand from the rooftop- he tries to telepathically shield how terrible he looks from them, but sybelle catches on that doing so is draining for him and tells him to stop. they're not afraid of his crusty ass and set him up in their hotel room (sybelle has endless trust fund money from her parents). they have to get a guy for armand to drink so he can heal, so benji lures a guy with the promise that there's coke under the "dead body" on the bed. yes, benji does come up with this plan. armand thinks it's hilarious. made for each other. it's notable that both benji and sybelle are daniel-style weird little freaks who want to watch armand do murders; the only difference is it's not a sex thing for them.

with armand recovered, sybelle and benji accompany him to come see lestat, where as I mentioned armand leaves them with marius for safekeeping and marius turns them. the consent here is... complicated. in terms of vampire etiquette, arguably marius absolutely should not have done this, as sybelle and benji were under armands protection. also just as a guy who is aware that this option is abhorrent to armand, someone marius still considers his child (eugh yuck etc), marius should not have done this. on the human end, sybelle at least was definitely old enough to consent, older than half the main vampires are when they're turned. benji would be really really offended if you said he wasn't old enough (much like amadeo) but also... he is literally 12. he's been through some shit for sure but he is 12. personally I'm going to go with under no circumstances should marius have done that. but sybelle and benji are happy about it and see it as a way to be a family with armand forever and armand does his best to not let his anguish bring the mood down.

and that's basically what happens. benji and sybelle go with armand between trinity gate and the court in auvergne. in the PL books, sybelle continues to play music, often with the other vampire musicians that have gathered at lestat's court, and benji starts the world's first vampire podcast.

other random facts:

benji mostly wears djellabas, and when the guy he brings to armand to kill is racist to him about it he says "sure, just call me Lawrence of arabia" and promptly feeds the guy to armand

benji also is fascinated by how armand looks all shriveled up ("I could take a lesson in muscles from looking at you") and sybelle has to tell him to focus on the whole luring a drug dealer to their hotel room thing at hand

for some reason anne thought that armand should mention that sybelle has breasts at like, every opportunity. it's one of those times when you're actually glad she didn't write more women because when she does she is so weird about it

in the PL books when interacting with Marius, benji also calls him master like armand does (Jacob Anderson voice eugh yuck!)

sybelle's reaction to watching crispy armand drain a dude while saying armand-typical creepy shit is to say "magnificent" and benji's is to say "bad guy, huh?"

armand thinks of the whole of telling his story in TVA as being for benji and sybelle, but particularly sybelle. he describes it more than once as his "symphony for sybelle."

Marius has a rare moment of self reflection after armand screams at him for turning the two, where he says "You loved them selflessly. For all their strange faults, and wild evil, they were not compromised for you. You loved them perhaps more respectfully than I… than I ever loved you." not a high bar my man!

anyway I think that's it, at least as much as I can remember without doing any text searches outside of TVA. they're weird little freaks and I love them very much though as usual there are many things about them I wish anne had done just a little differently!

[httpiastri]

PERFECTLY FINE – CHAPTER FIVE

genre: angst, fluff, comfort, the usual

word count: 5.0k

warnings: hmmmmm don't think so!!

author's note: hello hello !! finally done with this!!!! took me ages 😵 anywayssss i was supposed to include like italian cities and everything but i have 0 knowledge of italy i've realized, it's been ages since i went there... so pls forgive me for that, hope this makes sense anyway :) hope you enjoy!!

series masterlist

"we came home from a run in the mountains about… ten minutes ago?" you start, checking your watch. "the view was actually mental, i will send you some pictures."

your mother hums on the other side of the line. "that sounds lovely, darling." she pauses for a moment and you sit down on the edge of your hotel room bed. "where is ollie now? is he around? can i talk to him?"

"he's in the shower," you tell her, ears instinctively listening for that familiar sound of the shower running and the soft humming by your boyfriend. "but i can put him on when he's done, if you'd like."

the same night of the monaco grand prix, ollie managed to find a way for you to fly out to italy with him the following morning. you were into the idea when he proposed it, but right before you were traveling to the airport, you started to doubt if it was actually that good of an idea. you basically only had racing gear in your suitcase; no swimsuits or clothes to work-out in, and the only outfit even near fancy enough to wear to a real restaurant was the one you had worn to the ferrari celebratory dinner the night before.

but ollie insisted. i'll buy you everything you need, he told you, which you, of course, instantly refused. i want you with me, so if that's the price i need to pay, then it will be worth it.

ollie took a day in modena to re-pack his bags, to visit both prema and ferrari, and to just take some time to recharge with you after the race weekend. the following day, you started your trip down the country. but first, you needed to stop in another few cities for some shopping. after a lot of complaining, you agreed to let him pay for the clothes, but only if you got to pay for the coffee and gelato. pretty fair, if you may say so yourself.

you booked your hotel in a cozy little city neither of you had ever heard of before, somewhere close to the west coast, but you have been around in most neighboring cities by now. romantic dinners in charming restaurants, sunbathing by cozy little lakes, and a lot of hiking and running through scenic trails to keep up your physique during the break.

and, as you hoped beforehand, you've started to see ollie in a new, more romantic and more exciting light. the quiet evenings spent together, far away from the hustle and bustle of your regular lives, have been like a breath of fresh air; it's all so easy, so comfortable, so heartwarming. and after your talk with paul in monaco, there isn't even a dark, rainy paul-shaped cloud hanging over your head like there usually is.

you find yourself enjoying the different layers of him and every detail that make ollie that sweet guy you first went out with, and those initial butterflies from your first few months together have finally made their comeback. it's not a huge change, but definitely enough to make you feel like you're moving in the right direction.

"are you two having fun?" your mother asks, the tone of her voice a tad too innocent for you to ignore. "your father mentioned something about a fight, or…"

you can't help but scoff at her words – you know she means no harm, unlike your other parent, but even just the mention of your father irritates you these days. "we're not fighting, mum. everything is fine."

"i'm glad." another moment of silence, just as suspicious as the whole aura of this conversation. then, she lets out a laugh, her voice growing much more lighthearted. "do you two ever fight at all?"

you aren't having it, however. "not really," you say, continuing instantly. "i think it's silly to assume that it's a bad thing that we're never upset with each other. i don't understand it."

your mom clears her throat. "you've got it all wrong. all we want is for you to be happy," her voice booms out from the phone, a little louder now than before. "but fighting a little is healthy. dealing with your problems is important in a stable relationship."

you obviously understand her side of it, and you know she's right. but how could you ever bring yourself to fighting with ollie and causing him any extra pain when he deserves nothing but happiness? how could you ever put more pressure on him when he's already got the expectations and weight of the entire world resting on his shoulders?

besides, what would you even fight over? the fact that you aren't as passionate about him as you were about paul? or the fact that you don't feel the same way you used to with your ex?

this vacation was supposed to make you feel more, to make you fall deeper. sure, you still have a few days left, but will any amount of time ever be enough to get over paul?

"we have no issues," you say. "it's alright, we've got it under control."

you can hear your mom let out a little breath before she speaks up again. "if you say so, then i trust you." there's the faintest hint of sincerity in her words, enough to almost make you believe her. "he must've been very proud to see you on the podium."

a faint smile appears on your lips at the mention of monaco, nodding to yourself as you think back to the race. "he was. jealous, but proud."

"i think they were all jealous. maybe even paul." a confused frown takes over your face as you lie back over the sheets, staring up at the ceiling. "how was it to share the podium with him again? you two looked quite happy with each other."

"i guess."

"you guess? you two were hugging like…" she chuckles. "well, like it was a year ago."

you take a deep breath. "your point?"

"i was just thinking about how…." her words fall out of focus when your ears catch the sound of the shower being turned off and feet tapping against the tiled floor.

ollie then appears in the doorway to the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist and an intrigued look in his eyes. who are you talking to? he mouths.

"ollie just came out of the shower," you tell your mother as you push yourself up to a sitting position again, dropping your phone onto the bed and clicking a button. "you're on speaker, mum."

she calls out for him, and he smiles as he sits down next to you on the bed. "hello, mrs. harper," he says. "how are you doing?"

"lovely now that i get to hear your voice, sweetheart," she coos. "how are your parents doing?"

yet again, everything quiets down; ollie's mouth moves, and you see him politely laugh at something your mother says, but everything you can hear are your mother's words from before.

dealing with your problems is important in a stable relationship.

you reach forward to brush a wet strand of hair out of ollie's face, letting your hand fall down to his cheek. he looks down at you with gentle eyes and raised eyebrows, making you want to open up and tell him everything. about how badly you want to change to be the perfect partner for him, about everything you're feeling and about everything that makes you so terrified that your voice gives up on you. about how scared you are of even giving him a real chance, of actually falling for him, because what if he isn't enough?

but what if he is?

what if you allow yourself to fall and he's there to catch you every time?

today during dinner, ollie got an idea.

he loves the way that you can come up with conversation topics out of nowhere. he loves how you can rant the entire way to the restaurant about a karting race you drove in ten years ago, and he loves your little game of "is the couple at the table next to us siblings, happily married, or is one of them secretly only in it for the money?" during dinner dates.

but it doesn't help him get to know you any better, especially not on the deeper level he wishes to reach you on. it doesn't allow him to come closer, nor does it help you get closer to him, either.

but tonight, he hopes everything is about to change. if he just introduces the idea of talking to you, actually talking, then maybe it will come more naturally in the future, too.

ollie is sitting up in bed when you turn off the lights in the bathroom and enter the bedroom. his back is propped up against the headboard, phone in hands turning black the second he sees you appear. he plugs the phone in to charge, clearing his throat before speaking up. "can i ask you something?"

you nod as you walk over to your side of the bed. "of course."

"i'm pretty sure i wasn't the only one who thought it was strange that you stayed in red bull after your dad started working with the ferrari driver academy," he says, watching you sit down on the edge of the bed. "how come you didn't switch academies?"

you let out a sound, something between a sigh and a chuckle, looking over at him as you hold up the duvet. "do you want the short version or the long version?"

"the honest version."

"well," you start, slipping in under the covers. "there's a lot that went into it. ferrari is a cool brand and everything, and it would be an honor to represent them. but…" you shrug – or as much of a shrug as you can pull off while lying down. "i went to red bull because of my dad in the first place so…"

ollie doesn't say anything when you pause, his expression reflecting genuine interest. he's always been a great listener, and today is no different.

"plus, it's been pretty good not having my dad breathe down my neck every second. i would've gone absolutely crazy by now if he had been my boss."

ollie snorts, a grin appearing on his lips. "your dad is a good boss, though."

"if you say so," you respond with a roll of your eyes, one he can't quite decipher.

ollie takes a deep breath, seemingly preparing for his next words. "you didn't even want to join ferrari just to be with me more?"

you bite back the smile that wants to spread across your lips. "didn't wanna get too distracted from my goals."

"is that so?"

you nod, and ollie just looks down at you for a few moments, that grin still prominent on his lips, before shifting to turn off the lamp on his bedside table. he then lies down, joining you beneath the covers.

"genuinely, though," he begins. "when did you first realize you liked me?"

only the gentle, white light from the moon sneaking past the blinds keeps the bedroom somewhat lit now, but it's enough for you to catch the way the pillow has messed up his hair already. you turn your head, eyes following the beams in the ceiling and the chandelier dangling from it. you think it through for a few moments. "i think… something inside of me always liked you." you pause to find the correct words, but none of them seem to describe what you're really feeling. especially not in a way that will sound good to his ears. "like, something just clicked when we went out on our first date. it was like the puzzle pieces fell into place. like i suddenly realized my feelings."

when you look back at him, his eyes glimmer in the moonlight – or is it because of your answer? – and he doesn't move for a good few moments, just taking you in.

"your turn," you prod, supposing he'll need to think through his answer, too.

however, he answers within just a second. "in 2021," he says, completely serious, "when i saw you for the scouting finals."

you groan. "oh, shut up."

"it's true!" he exclaims, propping his head up on his arm. "of course, i knew of you before that day. but actually seeing you in real life, seeing your smile and hearing your laugh..."

"but you never said anything?" you ask, eyes flickering over his features, mentally drawing lines between his freckles and birthmarks. "or did i miss any signs?"

ollie shakes his head. "even when you weren't actually taken, i knew you were mentally with..." he doesn't say the name; he doesn't need to. instead, he starts talking again instantly. "but when i heard that you two had broken up, i knew i had to shoot my shot. i knew i wouldn't get another chance like that."

his words should fill you with joy. they should make you swoon, make you fall even more for him, make you feel like the luckiest person in the world. you have this perfect man lying right next to you, telling you about how he was waiting for years for his chance to be with you – what could be better?

but instead, there's a sharp pain in your chest.

what if you will never love ollie the way he loves you? in the way he deserves?

the sound of ollie pulling the keys out of the ignition finally draws you out of your thoughts, eyes flickering over to him. you've been mostly quiet for this entire forty-five-minute ride to your destination, your mind still stuck on your conversation from yesterday, but you think you can blame it on just wanting to hear ollie hum along to the italian songs on the radio.

you decided to travel to this cute little coastal town to go for a little swim after your morning run, and the name of the place ollie had suggested seemed familiar enough. you just weren't able to figure out why – until you finally arrived.

"i've been here before," you say as you jump out of the car, closing the door behind you. "me and dino were here two years ago, for our summer break."

ollie raises his eyebrows, pulling open the trunk lid. "just the two of you?" he asks and you shake your head.

"some other friends, too."

and paul. but the words die on your tongue. it's an unnecessary detail, anyway, you think.

in this context, sure. but the truth is that the trip was pretty much divided into two trips; your trip with paul, and dino's trip with your other friends. it was just months after you and paul had first gotten together, and this was your first trip together as more than friends. you were still in that initial honeymoon phase, able to spend hours and hours together without ever getting tired of each other, stuck in a haze of obsession and love and everything in between.

but you're not here with paul now. you can't be thinking about your former boyfriend when you're here with your current boyfriend, at a stunning beach in this beautiful weather.

ollie slings your beach bag over his shoulder, closing the trunk before making his way over to your side. "any good memories?" he asks, taking hold of your hand and beginning to drag you out of the parking lot. "or is there a reason you never came back?"

you hum. "we went here to the beach, and… we went to a nice restaurant in town," you say, gazing over the beach to see if you can find any empty sunbeds. "it had a funny name, but i... i don't remember what it was."

"was it any good?" he asks as he lets you pull him towards two sunbeds near the shore.

you nod, snatching two towels out of the bag before ollie even has a chance to put it down, draping them over the chairs. "they had this lovely pasta," you tug your sundress over your head, folding it up on one chair. "homemade tortellini, with this sauce made of-"

"what are you doing?" ollie cuts you off when he sees you sit down, his frown prominent. "i thought we were going swimming."

he's already dressed down solely in his swimming trunks, but not even the sight of his toned upper body is enough to make you waver now. "i just need a few minutes to tan so i..." you trail off as his frown melts into a pout. now, that is something you have a much harder time saying no to. "do i have to?"

"you do."

once you've stood up again, ollie moves in behind you and practically pushes you toward the water, explaining how good it will feel, post-morning run and everything. but the second your toes make contact with the water, you can't help but squeal, instantly shaking your head and backing away again. "i can't," you tell him. his hand wraps around your wrist as you try to move away, and now it's your time to pull your best puppy eyes. "let me warm up a bit first so that i can actually enjoy it."

"that's what you said yesterday," he counters, his other hand reaching to grab your other wrist. "but you stayed far away from the water all afternoon."

"you're right, but i promise that today-" you let out another screech when he tugs you closer to him before picking your body up in one swift motion. you press a warning finger to his chest as he takes a few slow steps out in the water. "oliver james bearman, you will put me down right this second, understood?"

he doesn't answer anything, because he seemingly doesn't understand. or maybe he just thought 'put me down' meant 'throw me into the icy water'.

he doesn't even look guilty over it; in fact, when you resurface and look over at him, he's grinning like the damn idiot he is. "oh, you will pay for this."

if by 'pay' you meant that he would get to pay for dinner that evening, then you were right.

sadly, not at that restaurant from the last time you were in town, but at a cute little trattoria near the city center. you stayed quite late because ollie got recognized as 'the guy who drove for ferrari in f1!' by the owner of the building, who then treated all customers to free drinks, and you obviously had to stay and celebrate with everyone. after the long ride back to your hotel, ollie was out like a light the moment his head hit the pillow.

however, you can't get your mind to rest.

yet again, you find yourself dwelling on yesterday's conversation, and this entire trip in general. no matter what you do, no matter what you try – counting sheep, recalling old racing memories, thinking about the rest of the season – your mind always falls back to the same thoughts.

it's as if your brain works on autopilot when you slowly get out of bed, pull open the door to the balcony, and step outside. the cold air should help bring you to your senses, you assume, but it doesn't really do anything other than make your brain spin even more. the city lights in the dark night seem miles and miles away, yet so close, and you have to sit down on the little chair by the corner of the balcony to steady yourself. what's going on? you didn't even have a lot to drink, and yet you feel more dizzy than your worst nights out. what's real and what isn't?

one of the few things you know for a fact is real is the series of low beeps from the phone in your hand, but it takes a couple of moments for you to realize that they're signals – meaning that you're calling someone.

you blink at your phone a few times as you try to figure out what number you've dialed and how to turn off the call because it's nearing three in the morning, but you don't make it in time. there's a clicking sound from the speakers, followed by a low grunt. "hello?"

suddenly, you're wide awake and clear-minded again.

as you're trying your best to figure out how the actual fuck you managed to call him at this hour – was it a pocket dial? or did he call you? – the person on the other side of the line grows impatient. "is this a prank call or are you going to say anything?"

"i'm so sorry, paul," you manage to get out, your voice getting caught in your throat for another few moments. thankfully, he allows you some time to regroup. "i have no idea why i called you, it- it was a mistake."

paul stays silent for a little longer before the clicking sound of a lamp being turned on plays from your phone. "you must've had something to say, no?" he asks, and your heart clenches slightly at the sound of his sleepy voice.

you take a deep breath. "well... i actually do have a question for you." you shoot a precautionary glance over to the balcony door, checking that you indeed remembered to close it properly. "you know when you, me, and dino went to italy in 2022? during the summer break?" he merely hums as an answer. "do you remember what that restaurant we went to like five times was called? the one with the delicious pasta? it had a funny name, but..."

he lets out a confused sound, and you imagine his eyebrows furrowing together like they always did when you used to ask him stupid questions back in the days. "um... not right now..." he sighs. "you mean the one in the corner of the town square?"

"yeah, that one."

"can't remember. sorry." you both go back to that silence from earlier, and you begin to ask yourself if it's less embarrassing to say goodbye or just hang up right now and pretend this never happened. "a bit of a random question, no?"

you chuckle, nodding to yourself. "well, i've been craving pasta... so i just thought about it..."

"can i also say something i've been thinking about?" he interjects suddenly.

"of course."

"well, i... i'd really like to apologize. for all of the things i said about you in the start of the season." the words hit you like a truck. you had assumed you would be somewhat friendly after monaco, but you never would've thought he would actually apologize to you. "it all got much worse than i had anticipated. i didn't mean it like that, i was just..." he sighs again. "i was worried about you."

in some sick and twisted way, his words actually do feel comforting. you understand where he's coming from, despite how little he's said; maybe it's the fact that you know each other so well by now that makes you understand how sorry he actually is. "i get it, paul. thank you for your concern-"

"like, i genuinely really never meant for that to happen," he says, not able to hold back from cutting you off. "i didn't think it could snowball that big and get so taken out of context. i should've known and been smarter."

"i appreciate that, actually," you say, voice softer now. "it means a lot."

the sincerity of his voice lingers, chipping away at the anger you've been holding onto. there's a strange mix of relief and hurt still swirling inside you, though, and you look around the balcony to try to find something to anchor your thoughts. you accidentally glance back into the hotel room, your eyes landing on ollie, peacefully asleep and so oblivious to the emotional storm you're navigating. the sight of the gentle rise and fall of his chest blends with the memory of paul's tired voice, and your mind gets going again. surely, you woke him up – but what if he was lying in bed with someone just like you were moments ago? what if you not only interrupted his sleep but also someone else's?

the words leave your lips before you can stop them. "how is your girl doing?" you bite down on your lip, shaking your head at yourself as an awkward silence fills the air.

"who?"

don't act stupid, paul, you think to yourself. "the girl you were with in imola." who else?

"oh, her," he says, voice suddenly much quieter than before. "i don't know her. haven't seen her since."

"oh." you can't tell if that makes you feel better or worse; was he willing to just go kiss any random girl?

"how is milton keynes treating you?" he asks, interrupting your thoughts before they can trail off. "pepe bothering you anything? no murders in the stairwell?"

"i'm... actually not there right now."

paul lets out a surprised sound. "where are you then?"

you don't say anything; you don't need to. the silence is enough of an answer for him.

"italy, of course. i get it." he takes a deep breath, which turns into a loud yawn before he speaks again. "well, i really should get back to sleeping..."

"i really am sorry for bothering you this late," you say, the guilt clear in your voice. "i shouldn't have called."

"you can always call me, you know. no matter the time."

this is far from the first time you've been on a call with him like this, late at night and thousands of kilometers away. but the words you're so used to telling him, the ones you almost let fall from your tongue, are the ones you aren't allowed to say – or even think of.

i miss you.

"ollie!"

his name sounds like a curse when it leaves your lips, a mixture of a groan and a whine following it. you can hear the laugh he tries to stifle despite him being many meters ahead of you. "what is it?"

"i'm too tired," you complain, stopping in your tracks. "my body is about five steps from giving up."

for the last day of your trip, ollie wanted to take you to one of his favorite spots in italy. did he admit that it required a bit of a hike? yes. but did he remember to mention exactly how awful of a hike it was, that it would take almost three hours and that it would be worse than any workout you've ever gone through? definitely not.

"we're almost there," he counters, turning around to wait for you to catch up with him. when you do, he wraps an arm around your waist, practically pulling you with him up the last hill. you can see the viewpoint already, but you can't squeeze one last drop of energy out of your legs.

"you've been saying that for the last two hours."

ollie laughs again, a sound that usually wakes the butterflies in your stomach but right now just annoys you. how is it fair that he has all this energy left? "you're going to love the view, come on."

he wasn't lying; the view truly is breathtaking. the valley beneath you seems to go on forever, a patchwork of forests and rivers filling the land. the mountain peaks jut up sharply against the sky as the clouds drift lazily overhead, their shadows dancing on the ground below. and the feeling of your boyfriend's arm around you just accentuates the feeling, making it all seem a little brighter and more colorful.

"worth it?" he asks after a few moments of silence.

"let me breathe for a minute, and then i can decide."

he lets you admire the scenery for a bit – but he's already memorized every tree and every mountaintop far too many times, so his eyes stay glued to your expression instead. he soon snaps out of his thoughts, shrugging his backpack off his shoulders. "i almost forgot," he starts as he crouches down a little, opening the zipper of the bag and starting to search through it. "i have something for you."

your eyes flicker down to him, interest in your gaze. "i hope you brought more of those chocolates-"

when you see what he pulls out of the bag, you instantly freeze. it's not the bag of sweets you had expected; it's a small velvet-lined box.

a ring box.

"don't freak out," he says when he takes note of your expression, and he stands up properly again. "it's not an engagement ring."

"ollie-"

"just open it."

when you remain still, he grabs one of your hands from your side, places the box in your hand, and prods you to lift the lid. the hesitance bubbling in your stomach makes your fingers tremble, but you finally open the lid, revealing a thin golden ring with a tiny heart-shaped gemstone.

"it's a promise ring," he explains. "it doesn't have to be a promise that we'll get married one day, or anything like that. but, just... to show that i'm serious about us."

you finally tear your gaze from the ring, wide eyes blinking up at him. "i..." you start, but no words feel right for this moment.

"i know it's sudden, but you can also think of it as an early birthday present," he tells you. "you don't have to accept it, of course. but it would mean a lot to me if you did."

but do you really have a choice?

can you actually promise to be serious about him, in the way he's serious about you?

yourusername just posted!

yourusername recharging the batteries 💗

show all 61 comments

user thank you both for letting me take a pic with you 😭 made my week

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user gorggg!! hope you've had a good break <3

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redbulljuniorteam can't wait to see you back on track 💪

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user gonna have to steal you from ollie actually!! you're mine now 🫵

→ user i'll take ollie then 🤭

→ user deal

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olliebearman ❤️

[yandereunsolved]

˗ˏˋ Yandere Concept ´ˎ˗

Yandere Podcaster — Amos Emerie (he/him)

English / • 27 • / Bisexual / Multilingual

Height: 5'9" He wears boots that make him 5'11" because he's insecure about his height.

Language(s): English, Polish, & Sign Language

╰┈➤ He comes from the sleepy town of Holy Springs. A town filled with yanderes, most supernatural, all downright disturbing. He's one of the few humans that have made their way into this town. It's so small enchanted that it isn't on any maps. Less than a hundred living beings make their home here. The population rests around a thousand. 

╰┈➤ Holy Springs — It's a safe haven for outcasts and entities that would be shunned by any major religion. It is also one of the most dangerous places to live for humans.

╰┈➤ He's the seer of the town. He foretells any new arrivals or conflicts that are to happen. He's the first to learn of readers arrival to their cozy town. He's the first to fall for them and see all of the attention they'll attract. However, that's a vision for another day.

╰┈➤ He runs a podcast called Yandere Unsolved. It's labeled as a true crime podcast and is one of the most listened to in the country. What most listeners don't know is that the podcast was really just a way for yanderes to place bets on who would kill who for their darling. At the end of each episode, he lists off the people who contribute to his podcast—the codenames of who won and lost what bets. What a coincidence that reader really enjoys his podcast. You'll both have so much to talk about when you arrive.

╰┈➤ He lives in a two-bedroom apartment with his roommate, who's a ghoul. Often times, he has to temporarily leave because he cannot stand the sound of his roommate chewing on another human carcass. Amos doesn't understand why he can't be more tidy about his kills. He just wants one night of full sleep without hearing the tortured screams of his roommates victims. His roommate is a bit of a glutton, in more ways than one.

╰┈➤ One sibling — He has a deaf older brother who doesn't live in Holy Springs. His older brother lives in France with his husband and two kids. That's how Amos learned sign language when he was younger. It comes in handy considering some of the residents here don't speak any identifiable language or just cannot speak for whatever reason. So he's able to communicate with them this way.

╰┈➤ Parents — His mother and father still live in the rural town they grew up in. Both he and his brother visit them in the summer and on holidays. Amos speaks little about Holy Springs and keeps it vague. He doesn't want to accidentally attract a spirit from the town to haunt his family by uttering the name. He also never allows them to visit him. He says it's because his apartment is too small for all of them, and there aren't any hotels in Holy Springs. There is one, but it's run by a notoriously mischievous demon who knows how to make people give up their souls. The last thing he needs is someone in his family making a deal with that devil.

╰┈➤ Friends — One of his closest friends hails from Poland. They were a foreign exchange student whom his family hosted. He's kept in good touch with them over the years and has picked up much of the language. He doesn't speak it unless he's in Poland visiting them, so his fluency in it is a bit rusty. He's mostly introverted, especially with how the town isolates you, so they're really his only friend. Except for you, you're basically already his spouse, so you can't really count as his friend.

╰┈➤ He has absolutely awful self-esteem. He's the seer of the town, and he runs a podcast that is really just radio gambling for yanderes, and yet he still feels like a perverted loser. He can speak confidently, but he doesn't feel like it. He still feels like the same kid who ended up getting a restraining order from his crush in high school. So what if he had been stealing pairs of their underwear and taking photos of them without their consent? He saw it in the future. He thought he was meant to be with them. It turns out that they just looked like you. It was really you who he saw in those visions. Unfortunately, the future has a way of changing your destination right before you reach it. No worries! He'll just make sure that you are his, no matter what.

╰┈➤ Infatuation — He's a very subtle yandere until he has his darling trapped. He sees himself as a protector and a safe heaven for you, both from the world and the horrors within the seemingly normal town. Due to the fact that he saw you in his visions, he believes it to be a divine intervention that you both met. He's extremely needy and stakerish. He's ashamed of his perversions and does everything he can to make sure you don't find out about them. He isn't broke, but he isn't rich either. He wins some and loses some when he gambles with other yanderes. He's truly worried about others becoming obsessively inclined toward you. He doesn't have the ability to kill a person; at least he doesn't think so. He wouldn't kill someone unless you asked him to. He's too afraid you'd hate him for it.

full headcanons soon?

[spidernuggets]

Jason Todd x Reader

That song "Loser Baby" from Hazbin Hotel has been on my mind ever since I watched the video, and I'm like, ooooh, prompt idea ✨️✨️

Basically, Jason and Reader are both members of the Titans, Jason's going through some shit, thinking he's alone to deal with it because the other members never cared about his problems, so Reader is there to sort of comfort him!

WARNINGS: mentions of suicide, drug use, weaponry use

Notes: Based on HBO Titans, timelines are mixed, idk how a molotov cocktail works, just go w it, unrealistic gun use

Another day, another failed mission. Why? Jason took the impulsive decision to dive in, head first, into the first danger he saw, which led them to be ambushed by other criminals. Sure, they got the majority locked up, but now the others are spread around Gotham now trying to get backup.

And like most times, when Jason messes up now and again, the members start pointing fingers while Dick was at GCPD.

"We went through the plan a million times, kid," Hank grunts. "You wait for Dick's signal!"

"Yeah, yeah! I heard you the first time," Jason spits back. He's been hearing this ever since the whole fiasco ended up until now as everyone got back to the tower. "Get off my back, will you, at least I fuckin' tried, asshole."

"And we would've completed the mission successfully if you tried after Dick gave the cue," Kory chimes in. "You need to work on your patience."

"Whatever," Jason mumbles storming back into his room.

Just as he was, you were exiting your own room, located just beside Jason's.

"Hi, Jay, how was the- oh...kay?" Just as you were greeting the young vigilante, he ignored you, slamming his door shut.

You walk into the lobby. Though you were a member of the Titans, you didn't participate often in missions. You design and create weaponry for the other members, especially Dick and Jason, as they don't have any powers. You excused yourself from joining the missions because although you knew how and when to use your mechanics best, your combat and stealth skills aren't as advanced.

You picked up this interest of building and experimenting after a few downfalls earlier in your life before Dick found you and took you in.

You grew up on the not so upper class side of Gotham City, and you were not an intentionally planned kid. Your parents made bad decisions, weren't married, and both were struggling in their own way. But your dad soon realised that it was all too much for him. He couldn't take care of himself, let alone take care of a kid, his kid. Soon enough, he reached his limit and swallowed a few too many pills.

That's when your mom went spiralling into her own depression. She smoked more cigs, snorted more coke, and drank more alcohol. And when you were old enough to comprehend the profanity she spat at you, she figured that you were smart enough to live life on your own. So she kicked you out. Later that night, when you came back, just to double check if your mom was just on a high and didn't mean what she said, she was gone. The only evidence to prove she was there were the smashed bourbon bottles and and cigarette butts scattered across the floor.

You sat yourself on the couch, legs tucked into your chest as you wrapped your arms to secure them in place and waited patiently for your mom to come home.

But she never did.

Some bad people were after you, claiming that your mother had owed them a shit ton of money. When you told them you didn't know where she was, they said that you'd have to continue to pay back her debt. You had nowhere else to go. So every time they'd come knocking on your door, you'd bolt out through the fire escape.

You had a molotov cocktail in your hand, a little something you saw your dad do once when he was in a difficult situation such as yours. This is the first time you've tried to use it before. You're scared that saving the bottle would be a waste of time. What if you threw it and the fire just went out? What if it wouldn't have the effect you'd expect? What if it would hurt you too in the process??

You just prayed. Prayed for some sort of miracle. In your other hand, spray on deodorant that you stole from the grocery store a walk away from your apartment.

There's a recently abandoned one-story house just down the road.

Lure them there, spray the room, blow 'em up.

You repeated the plan to yourself. So many things can go wrong. You couldn't do anything but pray.

Your chest ached when you got to the building. You covered your face as you choked, inhaling the deodorant that you sprayed around the room.

"There they are!" One of the men yelled towards your direction. You waited. Just a couple seconds.

You ran out the back window as they crashed through the door. Looking back, you waited as much as you could, making sire as much of the men entered the house.

Now.

You lit the cloth on fire, using your mom's lighter, one of the things you kept, and threw it through the window. And just like that, the fire caught onto the particles of the deodorant, and as the bottle smashed to the concrete floor, the building as a whole burst into flames, the painful screams of men remaining in the house.

"Oh my god, it worked!" You said to yourself, panting as you continue to run away.

From then on, you experimented with other, easier ways to create the same kind of effect. You used scraps of metal, lead wires from lightbulbs, plus lightbulb shards to create explosives to protect you.

Soon, your knowledge of weaponry expanded. You managed to steal a gun from one of the men that were after you. You liked to know how things worked. And you liked to manipulate how they worked.

You spent your time disassembling your new gun and eventually created a new weapon of your own. You'd pretend to be too scared to use it, bad man grabs it off you, aim it at you, pulls the trigger, and boom. The bullet blows to the other end, towards their face.

Too bad luck wasn't completely on your side for long.

You screeched as you walked past an alley, your hair being grabbed and pulled by a large man. "Think you can get away from me, bitch?" A gruff voice spat.

Tears pricked the corners of your eyes, grasping as your scalp that's burning your skull. You heard the glint of a knife as the sharpness poked at your side.

"Please, please, no, please," you whispered, begging for your life to be spared.

"You better pray for a miracle, cunt," the man said, jabbing the knife into your side, then throwing you against the wall, leaving you to bleed out.

Your vision blurred and came to the conclusion that you were going to die.

That is... if some random stranger found you and decided to bring you back to what you found out to be "Titans Tower." Learning his name to be Richard 'Dick' Grayson understood you had no one to take care of you and that you were the one who caused that explosion. He also found your little gun, and the great detective saw how it's been rearranged.

When you woke up, you were in an unfamiliar area. You were bandaged up well, but you were still scared. You hissed, trying to sit up. At the same, Dick walks into the room, a trya with soup, a glass of water and a small tablet next to the glass all prepared.

Dick smiled, introducing himself and apologising for bringing you unconscious. He offered you a shelter, but also wanted to know more about you. How you ended up in the situation, who was after you, and how you managed to rearrange the gun.

He then took you under your wing, giving you your own room and even your own materials to create more weapons for yourself. These ranged from melee weapons, explosives, and hand to hand combat weapons.

Dick tried to train you in physical combat, but you admitted that no matter how hard you tried, your fighting skills won't really improve. So you offered to just create new defence weapons for the team and operate missions from the tower as the team went out.

A couple of months later, you met Jason Todd. You'd be lying if you said he wasn't attractive, and his flirtatious attitude didn't help with your attraction towards him.

You also admired how skilled he was in fighting. Fighting a person while blindfolded? Fighting two people while they're all blindfolded? You wished to be just like him. But you were too shy to talk to him.

Jason speaks before thinking, and you were scared that he'd make fun of you for being part of the Titans without knowing basic combat and stealth skills. So you avoided him as much as you could.

But your guard was down as you had your headphones on, sitting on the couch in the lobby, sketching out a design for new throwing blades that could inject a liquid into the body to knock someone out for around half an hour.

"Why do I never see you around?" A curious voice chimes. One of your headphones laid off your ear, so you flinched when you heard someone begind you.

"Uhm, I.. I don't know what you're talking about," you quietly say, not sure how to confidently talk to the attractive boy.

"You're never out on missions or in the training room. Why are you here?" He says, arms leaning on the back of the couch, face dangerously close to yours

You shrugged. "I kind of make the weapons, I guess. I got those Rs of yours to send a shock wave of electricity," you replied, trying to identify yourself.

Jason tilts his head. "So, how come I never see you around training or missions? With weapons like them, I assume you would be useful out there."

You shake your head. "Fighting isn't really my forte. And my aim is never accurate," you explain, bracing yourself for the taunts.

"Huh. Want me to teach ya?" He offers.

Your head shoots towards him. "Uhm. Thanks, but Dick already tried training me. Trust me, I'd just be wasting your time and be a pain in your ass," you say, fidgeting with the pencil in your hand, kooking away from him.

"Nah, you trust me. I can teach you way better than Dickwad can. And if you still think fighting just isn't a thing for you, we can stop."

You stare up at him for a few moments before sighing and agreeing.

Surprisingly, Jason was able to teach you the basics, but that was as far as you could learn. Nonetheless, you were grateful that Jason taught you something that you could learn. You couldn't thank him enough. In return, you designed weaponry specifically suited for his fighting style.

From then on, you and Jason developed a beautiful friendship. Unfortunately, your crush on him only grew more.

But you and Jason were always there for each other. You never ran out of stories and fun talks to chat about. And eventually, little by little, the two of you opened up about your not so different pasts.

So when Jason stormed into his room after coming back from the mission while making absolutely no contact with you, it got you worried.

"Jeez, what happened?" You say as you walk to where the other members stood.

"Jason being Jason as always," Rachel mumbles.

"Uhh, Jason was just being eager. He's been trying to solve this case for weeks," Gar tries to reason out.

"If that little shit just stuck to the plan, his case would've been solved," Hank raises his voice as Dawn tries to calm him down.

"Just be patient with him. He didn't mean it," you try to calm everyone down.

"We can't be patient with him if he himself can't be patient," Donna calls out from the fridge, grabbing a drink.

"Listen, he's been through enough already, cut him some slack," you begin to get pissed off.

"If you're referring to when he got kidnapped, that was his fault too," Rachel says, sitting down on the couch.

"You know what wasn't his fault? Drawing crosses on your mirror, Rach. And that made all of you blame him for the other shit planted in your rooms. Do you know how much that shit hurt him? And none of you didn't even apologise! So, sorry, on behalf of him, that he wanted to show he was still strong enough even after he was kidnapped and dropped from a skyscraper. But have a little decency and time to understand why he acts the way he does," you ranted, not letting anyone reply as you stormed away.

During your times spent with Jason, you didn't miss his ADHD meds lying around, and eventually, he opened up to you about his therapy talks with Leslie, and you're glad it's somewhat helping. You just wushed you would be as much helo to him.

You knocked lightly on the door. "Jay?" You called out to him. You sighed when you were met with no response. You know he didn't tell you to come in, hut you were so worried for your best friend, so you entered his room.

His rock vinyl was spinning, and you took the pin off, making the loud mhsic stop abruptly.

Staring out the window, Jason turns to you, glaring at you.

"C'mon, it's just me, Jay. You can talk to me," you say.

Jason scoffs. "Yeah, sure. Then you'd think of me like the others do," he says, his gaze returnint out the window.

"And how do they think of you, Jason?"

He shrugs. "Like a fucking loser," he croaks.

"That's because you are a loser," you deadpan. Jason's brows furrow in confusion as he looks at you once more. He honestly thought you'd start to go on a long, petty rant about you thinking otherwise.

You sighed, walking over to him, hding his hands and bring him over to his bed, sitting him down.

"I'm not gonna lie to you, Jay. Your life sucks and I don't know if it's going to get better. There's a chance that it's not. You are a loser. You're spontaneous, make dumb decisions that don't always go well. But, you know? It's not entirely your fault. Your childhood sucks, your current family sucks and most of your teammates sucks. And you're just doing your best. You may be a loser, but guess what? I am, too. I can't fight, I can make weapons, but my aim is shit. My dad died, and my drug addict mom left me. I'm always alone i the tower because everyone else is out doing cool, superhero shit. I understand your pain, Jason. That's why we tell each other the shit we've been through. Because that load might be too heavy for only ourselves to carry. But I'm sure as hell it would be light as a feather if we carry both of our problems together," you choose your words carefully, your hands remaining on his, your thumb stroking his scarred skin.

Slowly, you move your hands, shifting them to link your pinky with his while he remains silent. "Jason, I promise you. I'm always going to be here to listen. I'm always going to be here for you. To help you in any way I possibly can."

Jason doesn't verbally reply. What he does, though, is nod and lean his head against your shoulder, tightening his grip around your hands.

[averyangrypossum]

Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce the

Flowerbroadcast AU!

Based on the two drawings I did of a fankid for the ship radiostatic.

The full-body one

And the one with both Vox and her

And now, I’m gonna tell you all about it and exactly who the fuck this little kid is.

Lotus is the daughter of Vox (as you can tell) and Alastor and is six years old. She was created shortly after Vox and Al broke up, oh yeah I should probably talk about their relationship status. Vox and Alastor, unlike in canon, weren’t only close friends but were dating at some point, mostly because Alastor wanted to manipulate Vox’s feelings to where he’d be more compilable but accidentally took it too far, and since Vox is a piss baby Alastor decided to entertain Vox for a while.

Was this relationship healthy?

NO!

Would Vox say these were the best years of his afterlife?

Yeah.

But anyways, in this au when Vox asks Alastor to “join his team” he was actually proposing and Alastor finally realized,

“Shit maybe this has gone out of hand” and breaks it off with Vox which leaves Vox heartbroken and with an incel breakdown. Now instead of trying to move the fuck on, he has our little darling Lotus, who he has trying to fill the hole that Alastor left.

So obviously having a child for that reason isn’t going to make you a good parent.

Lotus’ relationship with the Vees are as follows in the particular order.

1 Velvette: She does Lotus’s hair everyday and picks out outfits for her to post on her social media before Lotus immediately undos everything that Velvette does and just goes for pigtails and her nightgown. Velvette has wine aunt energy and is probably the only one of the Vees to know how to talk and get through to Lotus.

2 Valentino: Surprising I know, but Lotus doesn’t know what he does to his workers, she knows what he does for work but grew up with thinking that was just something normal since Valentino was never hush hush about his job around her much to Vox’s dismay. Valentino isn’t a big fan of children and doesn’t hang around her often, but sometimes he’ll draw along side her while bitching about a particular show she’s watching even though it’s literally made for kids.

3 Vox: Wow, how bad do you have to fuck up for a pimp who hardly spends time with her to be ranked higher than her own father?? Vox, despite making the conscious decision to have her, he isn’t around like at all. Hes a workaholic through and through, and mostly leaves her with nannies and Velvette. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her. Au contraire he loves her with all his heart and soul. Will give her anything except quality time. He uses her more of an accessory than a child.

Now how exactly Lotus was made is up to you.

A robotic creation Vox made? Sure!

Some voodoo magic shit? Yeah!

Some weird magic thing where she kinda just poofed into existence? Why not!

Mpreg? I mean, do what you wanna do ig?

Cuz it really doesn’t matter!

This whole au starts with Lotus running away from the Vee tower to explore hell since she's basically Rapunzel. She gets lost and terrorized by sinners until our deer Alastor rescues her. Seeing his chance to promote the hotel he takes her there where she is offered to stay there by Charlie when Lotus complains about how bad her dad is. She graciously accepts because shes only six but is going through her “My dad hates me and I hate him” era. Which I mean…I would get that impression too if I didn’t see my dad that much.

Wait my dad lives across the country…don't talk to me rn I’m busy dyeing my hair black and becoming emo 🖤

But anyways she stays there while Vox is loosing his fucking mind, and becoming more mentally unstable.

Meanwhile! She's having the time of her life with the hotel's residents and a new father figure who treats her well and pays attention to her! Alastor! Now Al doesn’t know she is his kid, but that doesn't stop him from being a better dad than Vox out of spite!

Anyways, thats all I have, for now! Stay tuned my friends~

[kiachiako]

april nct recs

my library of favorites from APR <3 all creds to authors

[ sorted by word count ]

series

JAEMIN | better than your next (i'm the next) | @ddeonuism 11.9k [ part one ]

RENJUN | messenger | @dojunie — smau | You find a phone number written on the mirror of the Sulim Library's second floor bathroom. It’s scrawled messily across the glass in erasable expo marker, the handwriting underneath almost closer to hieroglyphics than lettering— and what you thought it read, was ‘SEND DUCK PICS FOR A GOOD TIME.’ (You suppose, in hindsight, it was a good thing this person’s penmanship was so shit— because if you knew what it really said, you might have never stumbled across the oddly intriguing inbox of one Huang Renjun.)

oneshots

[m] JAEHYUN | seeds of pomegranates | @anashins 29.5k — The day the god of the underworld steals you away, he expects to have found a timid wife to make his isolated life more bearable. Little does he know that the rose he picked from the garden called earth bears knives instead of thorns, and he might not have found a timid wife, but a queen with a heart as dark as his.

[m] JAEHYUN | hearts are won at practice | @angelwonie 21.2k — jung jaehyun is an obnoxious, way too handsome footballer whom you have no intention of getting to know. at least until a series of coincidences forces you to spend time with him, and you realize there might be more to him than what meets the eye.

CHENLE | potential | @rrxnjun 20k — rich kids au, childhood friends au, friends with benefits au. angst, fluff, suggestive | You saw his potential without seeing credentials. And maybe that's the issue.

[m] HAECHAN | monochrome | @sundaysundaes — Lee Donghyuck once believed in the concept of soulmates—how fate would connect a red thread from one lover to another, in a form of dreams and memories. That was how his parents met, that was how they claimed their happiness, and he wanted nothing more but to live his life the way they lived theirs. Until one day, as he sees her slipping away from his hands, he has no choice but to stop believing entirely.

CHENLE | i still love you | @xiaodejunletsact 17.4k — high school can be complicated. thats why when your crush of three years, zhong chenle, approaches you out of nowhere offering to drive you home you are right to question his intentions.

HAECHAN | free trial wedding style | @liliansun 10.6k — when a random, cute, guy comes up to you and practically asks for you to follow along, you do so without much thought. that is until you get home and see he’s your new neighbor who just might need your help a little more than you expected.

[m] HAECHAN + MARK | the girl is mine | @luvrkives 10.5k — mark and hyuck can't stop fighting over you. who fucks you better, who makes you laugh more, who you like most, who fucks you better, yada yada yada. but honestly, why argue when you would happily take them both?

JAEHYUN | love you goodbye | @serendipityseulgi 10.3k — the one with the story of dysfunctional love between you and jaehyun. aka, you both want different things and your love isn’t always enough.

[m] JOHNNY | color evasion | @ncteez 8.7k — or the one where you join a kink website and a specific dom’s profile catches your attention enough to actually meet him at a hotel and practically ignore your safe words bc man, he’s good. 

[m] HAECHAN + JAEHYUN | mine too | @waithyuck 7.5k — donghyuck x jaehyun x reader (f), smut, basically pwp

JAEHYUN | eye of affection | @aitarose 6.6k — for as long as he can remember, jaehyun’s world has been in black and white - giving him no reason to appreciate his mother’s profession as an artist and the beauties that art can provide. however, an accidental meeting with you gives him reason to doubt his former beliefs - proving to him that there may be true beauty in a world that’s void of everything bright, that beauty being the sunshine that you provide. 

HAECHAN | full of love (and stars) | @httplastic 6k — friends/roommates to lovers, light angst

[m] HAECHAN | unavoidable | @sunpopz 5.8k — after swearing to yourself you're done catching feelings for people; you meet someone who makes that incredibly difficult. you think you can avoid him... then you're assigned a final together.

RENJUN | hard to let go | @cinnajun 4.3k — your high school friend group had an ambiguous and messy end, and you never got any closure for anything. two years later, and lee donghyuck’s girlfriend lives on the same floor as you, and you’re forced to face huang renjun, whose abandonment hurt you the most.

HAECHAN | she's quiet | @ijuliet 3.4k — although you were not looking to make new friends, the ones you had tried their hardest to push you out of your comfort zone to find something abnormal for you. which is why you’re at a frat party on a thursday night, watching as lee donghyuck observes you from afar.

[m] HAECHAN | all bark no bite | @jjsneo 2.5k — lee haechan is the most annoying man you’ve ever encountered. but that doesn’t mean you don’t find him hot; and maybe that’s why he has you flat on his mattress one night at a random frat party.

JAEHYUN | in the rain | @sehunniepotwrites 1.9k — All this time, you were looking for love in the wrong places and in the wrong people. As a serial dater, you never thought you would find it in the pouring rain and in the person you trusted the most. 

. . .

ur fav recs n fics blog is back hehe | happy reading <3

xoxo

[lilacfiresoul]

cheat, april 2 -- @jegulus-microfic -- 1,144 words

kind of went a little over here lol because this was so fun to write! anyways, enjoy <3

-----

“That’ll be 850, please,” Regulus says smugly.

Lily, rolling her eyes, reluctantly hands over a sheaf of brightly coloured Monopoly money. “And now I’m basically broke. Regulus takes my money yet again.”

Glancing over at his boyfriend, James watches Regulus add the notes to his bank, all of them arranged neatly from highest to lowest in a line next to his properties. They’re already quite far into the game, with several houses on the board and the odd few hotels, mainly on Regulus’ properties. He’s the banker, and James is unsure if that’s the reason for his success, or if he’s genuinely just a good player.

Sirius seems to think the former, as he angrily tosses the dice onto the board and lands, surprise, surprise, on one of Regulus’ properties. Again.

“No!” he howls, slapping his hands on his forehead, earning a bemused look from Remus. “I swear he’s rigged the dice!”

“Sirius, how I can rig dice?” Regulus responds brusquely. “That’s 330.”

“Lily, you shouldn’t have let him be the banker,” Sirius accuses, glaring at Lily. “Whenever he’s the banker, I lose!”

James leans over to Regulus, resting his arm on the back of the chair, mumbling, “Sirius seems to think you’re a cheat, Reg.”

“He’s just a sore loser,” Regulus informs him matter-of-factly. “Every time I’m the banker, he says—”

“—It’s bad luck, Lily, he rigs it—”

“That I’m a liar,” Regulus begins.

“He lies, he schemes, he plots, he—”

“—Plans.” Regulus nods. Sirius flashes him an irritated look, but Regulus doesn’t even sound upset about it, just amused, as if he’s heard all of this before. His fingers are laced together in front of him, a businessman about to suggest a proposal. “You need to get more creative at your insults, Sirius.”

“Oh, shut up,” his brother growls, flinging the money at Regulus in a shower of coloured paper.

James can’t help chuckling, leading to Sirius narrowing his eyes at him. Caught, James drops his arm, straightening in his seat.

“I see how it is,” Sirius announces. “James is helping him.”

There’s a beat, and Regulus laughs. “I don’t need help. I build my Monopoly empire with my own blood, sweat, and tears.”

The game continues. Sirius stews in silence as Remus rolls the dice, missing Regulus’ properties completely and landing safe on an unclaimed plant. Then Mary rolls, grinning as she gives Lily 100.

“I don’t mind giving you my money,” she tells Lily, who swoons.

Regulus goes, where he lands on one of Sirius’ properties. He has to hand over 200 through gritted teeth, like it pains him to part with his fake money, much to Sirius’ delight.

And then it’s James’ turn.

It honestly couldn’t have worked out better. James rolls six, putting his figurine right on one of Regulus’ properties.

With a hotel.

“Ha!” Sirius crows, jabbing a finger at it.

Defeatedly, James asks Regulus, “How much do I owe you?”

Regulus looks at his cards, though James and everyone else at the table knows Regulus is doing it just for show, pretending as if he doesn’t know exactly how much James owes him.

“1150.”

Even though he’s played Monopoly so many times, James has never won at it. One time a few years ago, he’d played with his parents and Regulus. It had gone on for hours, and both him and Effie had lost, leaving it a tense battle between Regulus and Fleamont. James’ dad had won by the skin of his teeth, and has never let Regulus live it down.

James can’t help comparing that time to now, how he only has 500 left, majorly under the rent due, and how the same thing had happened last time. Regulus had let him lose then, hellbent on beating Fleamont, but now he has a mischievous gleam in his eye as James presents him with the last of his money.

“Oh, don’t worry,” Regulus continues. “It’s a hotel. I’ll let you stay there for free, if you give me a kiss to make up for it.”

“What?” Sirius explodes. “That’s not— You can’t do that— Lily—”

Lily holds up her hands. “It’s just my game, I can’t control what he does.”

Scrabbling for the box, Sirius finds the rulebook and flicks it open. “It’s against the rules.”

“I’m the banker.”

“That means nothing—”

Remus and Mary are silently laughing behind their hands, tears in Mary’s eyes as she tries to keep quiet. Lily’s eyes dart between the two of them, pressing her lips together.

“Are you calling my boyfriend a cheat, Sirius?” James asks innocently. “I don’t think it’s in the rulebook.”

“He’s also my bloody brother, James—”

“It’s not in the book,” Remus confirms.

A charged silence falls over the table. Regulus, grinning, hooks a finger under James’ chin to tug him closer. Entranced, James follows, like a dog with a bone, the tide to the moon, the planets to the sun.

The kiss is chaste, sweet, as people are watching, but underneath the table, Regulus squeezes James’ thigh, the promise of more to come later.

They part, and it’s an effort for James not to grab him by the neck and kiss him senseless, but he refrains, the butterflies in his stomach fluttering at the wink Regulus sends his way.

“Cheaters,” Sirius huffs. “Thought you did this alone, Reggie. If you’re doing that, I’m also doing it.”

“Be my guest. You don’t have to hotel yet,” Regulus quips.

The game continues for another few rounds. Mary goes out first, after divvying out her savings to Sirius, of all people. Remus goes out second, unable to pay his debt to Regulus. Lily is soon to follow, tossing her leftover bits of money to Regulus as well. Sirius is the fourth out, coming dangerously close to flipping the board as he also hands all of his money over to Regulus.

It’s just him and James left.

And James, in a cruel, or rather predictable, twist of fate, lands on one of Regulus’ properties. Again.

It’s laughable, honestly.

Sirius puts his head in his hands and wails because his brother has won. Mary, bursting into laughter again, excuses herself to get a glass of wine, and Lily and Remus try to smother their laughter at Sirius’ dramatic reaction.

“You going to steal all of my money?” James whispers. “It’s yours, if you want it.”

“Don’t need to. I’ve already won anyway.”

Regulus kisses him again, and Sirius, mumbling something about cheaters, best friends kissing brothers, and how shitty this game is, flips the Monopoly board.

[rainbowmothed]

︵︵ MISC. HAZBIN HOTEL HEADCANONS

╰ ⋯ ➢ just some random hcs i thought of off the top of my head!! ♡ as always, reblogs and likes appreciated! includes both main cast and heaven hcs. :3

𝜚 ₎ MAIN CAST HCS

Vaggie says stuff like “rad,” “dude,” etcetera unironically and definitely gets made fun of for it. Mostly by Cherri and Angel– Pentious says it is ‘hashtag trending awesome sauce.’

Vaggie sets 6 alarms in the morning, all with custom minute intervals between the snooze alarms to make SURE she doesn't sleep through it. Charlie doesn't mind, though, mainly because she wakes up at four in the morning to work on projects anyway.

Charlie has made playlists for everyone in the hotel on hell's equivalent of spotify; Vaggie's is the most well thought out, but they all describe them very well. Alastor never listens to it due to his dislike for modern technology/apps, but he appreciates it– or at least acts like he does– nonetheless.

Charlie definitely rides on Alastor's shoulders like a little kid bro IDC WHAT U SAY

Vaggie has cried ONCE in front of the rest of the hotel after being genuinely dogged on repeatedly on one of the worst days of her life, and they all just stared at her in shock. They hate on her so much because it never impacts her– or so they think so, because Vaggie always shrugs it off. They refuse to talk about it.

Vaggie's spice tolerance is unmatched.

Each night, Charlie visits Pentious’ memorial and wraps a weighted blanket around it, saying that maybe it'd remind him of the Egg Bois and the way they snuggled around him in the afterlife.

Vaggie is a huge Hunger Games fan. 90% of her personality derives from Katniss Everdeen.

Adding onto the last one, if Charlie and Vaggie were to have a child, I feel like it'd have the personality of Lucy Gray Baird.

Niffty definitely writes strange fanfiction. Also has BL as her header on the Hell's equivalent of Twitter. She's a little twisted, but we love her.

Cherri is an absolute menace. That is the best word to describe her.

Angel and Cherri did the “screaming in public restrooms” prank once.

Everyone assumed Charlie was mid-20s until she dropped the bomb that she's over 200 years old. They were all flabbergasted (minus Vaggie, who already knew. Angel also called her a “gilf lover.”)

Angel asked Vaggie about her body count once to tick her off, and she answered “around 1,000 or so, roughly estimated,” thinking he meant kill count. Charlie was shook.

Vaggie is a Paramore, Flyleaf, Evanescence, etcetera fan. Proud listener to 2000s emo girl music.

Charlie's guilty pleasure is punk/metal/rock music. She says she only listens to “Taylor Swift and musicals,” but she has a hidden playlist with KORN, PTV, and all of those bands on it.

Angel wakes Husk up by blasting Ayesha Erotica songs into his ear occasionally since Husk is a heavy sleeper and refuses to get up sometimes.

Pentious calls himself a “semi-proud father of the Egg Bois.”

Charlie ran a hate page about Katie Killjoy. She has since moved on from it... probably.

𝜚 ₎ HEAVEN HCS

Vaggie definitely played about 100 sports back in Heaven. Fencing, soccer, and, bare with me here, she definitely did ballet. She refuses to admit so, however.

The exorcists actually aren't brought into the world as adults. Instead, they're raised by volunteer parents of Heaven their entire lives, starting fighting training at age 6 or so. They claim that “children's brains are easier to mold.” Basically, they're taught to be murder weapons from a very, very young age. It's also instinctive, but it's the training that truly brings it out.

Each exterminator is based on a different bird breed, but the most common are eagles, falcons, hawks, and generally predatory avians.

The Exterminators are also very fast flyers, and they establish the quickest flyers through racing. Vaggie was formerly the fastest until she was cast down to Hell. Now, the fastest is Lute.

Adam also referees these races, and instead of a gun or whistle to start them off, he uses his guitar.

[snowyh2o]

Hazbin Hotel Episode 7&8 Spoilers:

Ok, ok. I’ve finally calmed down a bit. I have. SO many thoughts on Alastor, that I’m just not gonna touch on them in this post, aside from I FUCKING KNEW HE WAS LOSING IT FBSKDNFBSHHDHFBS.

But what I wanna focus on is Rosie! And how she’s been described as the nicest overlord. And how Cannibal Town is like, the nicest place we’ve seen in hell??? The streets are relatively clean, no one is trynna kill each other. There’s so many people out on the streets, just? Going about their days? Aside from the fact that they’re all cannibals, it’s almost like any other town you’d visit! (I am not familiar enough with the fashion styles over the years to like, accurately date what time period Cannibal Town is supposed to reflect, but it feels old (and somewhere Alastor would fit right in with) lol).

And then we actually meet with Rosie, and she’s in the middle of consulting one of her people, where there’s a HUGE line up of others looking like they’re waiting to consult with her too! And like, even before she spoke with Charlie about her love life, she’s giving advice and comfort and support and connecting to the lady she’s speaking with who apparently wants to eat her husband. Before saying that she’ll set the man straight if the lady sends him to her, and gives her a card if she ever needs any more help.

Like. First minute into seeing Rosie and like. WOW. You can IMMEDIATELY tell that this is the reason why everyone in Cannibal Town’s so chill and happy? Why there’s such a sense of order and security in a place that’s basically just anarchy?

Rosie is both the Overlord, the unofficial mayor, the therapist and consultant and your best friend all wrapped up into one. She’s got an entire lineup of people who are waiting to tell her their woes and listen to her advice. And she’s happy to help!

Even the actual cannibalism is like, so posh and proper? Or it’s treated in Cannibal Town as like, normal food. But also it’s very telling that no one’s killing each other for said cannibalism. In fact, the only times we’ve seen them do so is after an extermination, when there’s a bunch of dead bodies that aren’t reviving lying around. (And they seem to lose their manners when eating then) It is likely tho that they just, target outsiders, since everyone we saw aside from Alastor and Charlie were a part of Cannibal Town.

Just the Juxtaposition of a town literally full of Cannibals being probably THE nicest place in hell for sinners to live in??? Immaculate.

Also, Rosie’s snide comment on how Alastor’s got no manners when it comes to being offered food LOL. And, I just LOVE their relationship and interaction. First time chatting in years and she’s already offering up place with a deal for Alastor to go make. That AMAZING little joke about him being Ace and having it COMPLETELY flying over his head. Alastor letting her touch him, and how genuinely excited and happy the two of them are just talking and interacting. Their little duet in the middle of the song, the way Rosie pulls Alastor out of his scheming to just enjoy the moment. Their dance!!! She’s never been wronged by Alastor before!!! She trusts him to follow through on his side of the unofficial bargain/favor. Looking like proud parents when Charlie finds the courage to sing her pitch. I love, everything about these two, oh my god.

Anyways!!! Back to Rosie being just, a genuinely good aunt? And giving so much good advice for Charlie. Asking her the questions that needed to be asked. Rosie has, such good insight? On what the issue was, and why Vaggie would’ve kept something from her. She didn’t shy away from how big the secret was, but she also didn’t let Charlie spiral into questioning every little part of their relationship. And that little end but when she’s saying that Vaggie is flawed, but so is everyone else down in hell. GAWD. How it’s difficult to admit your regrets. Like, if that isn’t the core of the show, the core of Charlie’s dream, then I don’t know what is. Rosie cut through to the heart of the matter, she didn’t tell Charlie what she should feel or how she should act, but asked her what she’s actually feeling, and why, and told her to trust herself and her own judgement on if Vaggie’s actions were sincere or not. Man she’s such a good therapist.

(I’m half convinced Alastor didn’t just bring Charlie to Cannibal Town and see Rosie just because they needed support and numbers to fight against the exorcists, but also because she’s the best person he knows who can give out good relationship advice and he’s getting a little tired of Charlie venting at him. Especially now that she’s past the self loathing phase and has stepped into the unrestrained anger and frustration at someone else phase)

Also, unrelated topic but here’s a thought: only angel steel/holy weapons/powers can do permanent damage to someone’s body/soul. Vaggie’s eye is torn out by Lute’s exorcist blade, but her wings were just ripped off by hand. Vaggie’s eye never regenerated or recovered, but she was able to regrow her wings. Alastor was struck by Adam’s holy weapon across his chest. What if the injury never fully recovers?

And also, Alastor’s talk about “unclipping” his wings. My friend, once a bird’s wings are clipped they can’t be unclipped! You have to wait for the feathers to shed and grow in new ones. To regenerate. Also what is this talk about you having wings??? Don’t tell me you’re ALSO a secret angel??? Probably not cause your blood is red BUT. Where are you hiding those supposed clipped wings of yours eh?!

[aspoonofsugar]

Adam: Stick It To The Man

When the world has screwed you And crushed you in its fist When the way you're treated Has got you good and pissed There's been one solution Since the world began Don't just sit and take it Stick it to the man

Stick It To The Man is a song from the School of Rock musical, which is referenced in Hazbin Hotel's episode 6:

Vaggie: "Act selfless, don't steal, stick it to the man". Are you fucking serious? Adam: Uh, yeah. Sure got me here, didn't it?

Why is that so? There are two reasons:

Alex Brightman, who plays Adam, is also the protagonist Dewey Finn in the musical play

Adam and Dewey share several similarities to the point that Adam alludes to Dewey in some way

In short, Dewey's story inspired Adam's, so School of Rock can be useful to analyze Hazbin Hotel's First Man.

SCHOOL OF ROCK

Here comes a short summary of the movie/musical for whoever has never watched it (and should). If you already know the story, feel free to skip it.

Dewey Finn is a penniless musician, who dreams of becoming a rock star. He has no job and lives with his friend Ned and Ned's girlfriend Patty. All he does is playing rock with the "No Vacancy", his band. However, he is considered too over the top and self-centered by the other members and is expelled. Meanwhile Ned's girlfriend gets fed up with him and imposes an ultimatum. He either pays the rent or leaves.

Dewey finds himself in a pinch. On the one hand he wants to win the Battle of the Bands, but he has no band. On the other hand he needs to buy time and find some money to pay Patty. So, when he answers a phone call for Ned and discovers his friend is asked to be a substitude teacher, he decides to take his place. He poses as Ned Schneebly and starts teaching a class of kids.

He soon discovers the kids are gifted at music and devises a new plan. He forms a band with his class, so that they can all take part in the Battle of the Bands. By doing so, he starts truly bonding with the children. He encourages them to discover more about rock, nurtures their artistic talents, creates a strong sense of comraderie within the class. Basically, the kids were used to a strict environment, but through Dewey, they taste freedom, creativity and learn to challenge the system. Dewey himself starts changing, as he becomes more responsible and selfless for the kids' sake.

The kids pass the audition and are admitted to the Battle of the Bands. However, just before it, Dewey is asked to report his students' progress to their families in a teacher-parent meeting. There Patty and Ned arrive and unmask him, so the situation degenerates into chaos and Dewey is forced to run away.

All seems lost, but the kids have grown fond of Dewey and forgive his lie. They escape school, go to their teacher's house and encourage him to take part with them in the competition. Dewey and the kids make a great performance and get through to the public, including the parents, who realize how much Dewey's "rock lessons" have helped their children. In the end, the class doesn't win, but they get an encore.

In the epilogue, it is revealed Dewey is teaching music in an approved after-school program. So, Dewey finds his place in society, all while teaching the new generations how to live in a rock'n roll way.

So, what does the detestable Adam have in common with the lovable Dewey? Well, for starters, both love rock.

I FUCKING ROCK

Adam: I know. I fucking rock.

Adam has a rock motif, which emerges strongly in his first meeting with Charlie. He plays in a rock band, has studs on his tunic and materializes a golden guitar he performs a metal solo with:

Adam: Guitar solo, fuck yeah!

Not only that, but his song Hell Is Forever is hard rock, whereas the other pieces are inspired by traditional musicals.

Dewey too is passionate about rock and loves playing. In particular, he dreams of becoming a rock-star:

Dewey: I'll be strummin' my axe in a basement dive with my totally kick-ass band! When an army of A&R men will arrive with pens and contracts in hand! And they'll whisk me away in a big, black car And the record execs, and the girls from PR They'll know from the start what a major league star I will be! Just wait and see! (...) I'll rise and I'll rise and I'll rise And the wings of my soul Up where I belong! And I'll climb to the top of Mount Rock And be part of that heavenly scene With Odin and Zeus on the base and the drums And Thor playin' tamborine And Elvis and Janice and Kurt will appear And Jesus will toss me a beer And we'll jam 'round the clock! At the top of Mount Rock At the top of Mount Rock At the top of Mount Rock!

These are the beginning and the end of the song When I Climb To The Top Of Mount Rock, which is Dewey's introductory song.

He imagines to kick ass with his axe-guitar:

And his badass band:

While climbing to the top of Mount Rock to be part of a heavenly scene:

Oh look! Adam got Dewey's wish! Why is that so? Let's head at the heart of the two characters' foiling.

Both Adam and Dewey feel like losers.

Adam loses not one, but two wives to Lucifer:

Lucifer: Well, your first wife didn't seem to hate what I had to offer… or the second, bow-chicka-pow-pow!

Dewey is instead broken, has no success and is forced to live with his best friend:

Patty: Give up your dreams Your dreams are lame and weak Can't you see you're talent free You sad, deluded freak Time's up, you loser And soon you'll have to pay Sell the vinyl, pawn the amps And put your little dreams away

Both are also very childish to the point of being men-children:

Adam: Here's my personal favorite. You'll love it. Charlie: Uh…thanks. Charlie tries to take a piece of rib, but her hand passes right through them, as they fizz on and off from the touch. Adam laughs. Adam: I got you again, bitch! Fuckin' hilarious!

Patty: No more excuses, there's nothing to discuss Ditch your pointless, futile dreams And join the grown up world like us

This immaturity shows in their power fantasy of getting revenge on the world. They wanna prove their detractors wrong:

Dewey: And no one will call me a loser again Or tell me what I can't do!

The difference is that, at the beginning of their respective stories, Dewey is failing, while Adam has succeeded:

Adam: Are they Winners? Are they Sinners? 'Cause it's cut and dry.

Adam is by his own definition a winner, as he has been judged worthy of Heaven. He can enjoy an eternal life of happiness and bliss, while looking down on his most hated rival, since Lucifer is instead banished to Hell.

In short:

Dewey and Adam are losers, who share a childish dream of fame and success

Dewey has this dream negated to him, whereas Adam fulfills this fantasy

Adam is Dewey's desire incarnated. He is a winged soul (quite literally), who has reached the very top. He can play his music with angels and he himself is a legend:

Adam: So, I was playin' this gig, and for some fuckin' reason, this virtue chick was diggin' on the drummer, and it's like, "do you know who I am? I'm fuckin' Adam. I'm the original dick!" All dicks descend from me. You think you want drummer dick? No way! I'm the Dick-fuckin' master!

He is the rockstar Dewey dreams of becoming. But is he really the embodyment of rock? Let's take a closer look.

THE BAND IS MINE

Dewey: You think you'll be just fine Without me, but you're mine You think you can just kick me out of the band? Well, there's just one problem there The band is mine! How can you kick me out of what is mine? Well, you're not hardcore Unless you live hardcore!

School of Rock starts with Dewey being kicked out of his own band because he is too selfish. Later on, he slowly overcomes his selfishness as he forms a new band with the kids. By working with them he realizes what it means to be part of a group. Not only that, but as a teacher he listens to the kids and helps them discover their individuality:

Tamika, a student: I was lost, lost and in pain So much hurt bottled inside All the things I should've said I just kept trying to hide And I thought nobody could But you, you understood i needed to share And only you would listen Hoped someone would care And only you would listen You raised my voice up taught me not to fear I've learned who I am because you're here

Adam too is part of a band and he is its leader:

Adam: Haha, yeah! Ladies, let's fuck shit up! [accompanied by a guitar sting] ATTACK!

Adam's bond with the exorcists can be commented on multiple levels.

1- A man among women

Adam is the only man among an army of women and he is the one in command. This ties with Adam's misogyny. As a matter of fact he builds a harem of badass ladies ready to fight for him. In a sense, Adam has his own army of groupies to objectify:

This is shown also through his biblical motifs:

Adam's favourite food is ribs because in the Bible Eve is created from his rib. Similarly, he makes the exorcists at his image and likeliness. He sees them as an extension of himself.

Adam: You were on the front lines, I wouldn't forget a bad bitch like you. It's why I named you after the best thing ever. Vaggie.

He is the one giving Vaggie her name, just like in the Bible Adam names animals. So, Vaggie is symbolically equated to a beast.

On this last point, he probably named the other exorcists, as well, which leads us to three considerations:

Adam chooses for Vaggie the most insulting and objectifying name possible, as he literally calls her vagina.

Lute too is called after an object. Not just any object, but an instrument angels play. She isn't supposed to be a performer, but just a musical device.

Typically, the one naming another person is their parent.

2- Parent and daughters

Carmilla abt the exorcists: By showing you the flaws in your own fighting style. Yours and all your sisters'.

The exorcists are "sisters" and Adam is their authority figure and metaphorical father. He is the one giving them names and a place to belong. However, they must obey his orders and live up to his standards. Cause, if they don't:

Vaggie is taught to fight, kill and hate. The moment she gives in to pity, she is immediately punished and discarded with no second thoughts. She is even used as a cautionary tale:

Adam: Prepare to slaughter every sinner in that shit hotel, and you all remember Vaggie? Exorcists: Boo! We hate her!

In short, Adam acts towards the exorcists as an abusive parent, who gives conditional acceptance. They have value only if they succeed. This one-sided mentality is perfectly shown by Lute and Vaggie:

Lute telling Vaggie to kill her: Do it, then. Correct your mistake.

Vaggie to Charlie: I'm supposed to protect you. I'm supposed to never fail you. If I can't help you, what's the point of me?

Lute sees Vaggie sparing someone, be them a sinner or Lute herself, as wrong. Vaggie is sure Charlie won't love her back, if she isn't useful. These behaviors are not innate in the two girls. They are the result of their upbringing by Adam. The First Man's controlling nature shows also in his band's looks.

3- Mask and horns

Adam has all the exorcists comform:

They wear the same mask, the same horns and the same uniform. Basically, they all dress the way Adam likes. Moreover, the exorcists have their faces hidden because they are not allowed to be people. They can only be Adam's copies. Soldiers under him.

What's interesting about this is that Adam's style is rock and metal inspired, so he forces the girls to adopt this look too. However, rock is supposed to be about self-expression, freedom and rebellion. Adam instead takes this aesthetic and turns it into a repressive military uniform. He takes something born to challenge the system and turns it into the system.

THE MAN

Dewey: THE WORLD is run by the Man. Oh, you don't know the Man? He's everywhere. In the White House, down the hall, MISS MULLINS, she's the Man. And the Man ruined the ozone, and he's burning down the Amazon, and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank! Okay? And there used to be a way to stick it to the Man, it was called rock 'n roll. But guess what? Oh no. The Man ruined that, too, with a little thing called MTV! So don't waste your time trying to make anything cool, or pure, or awesome, 'cause the Man is just gonna call you a fat washed up loser and crush your soul. So do yourselves a favor and just GIVE UP!

Dewey teaches his students about the Man, who represents the system and corrupts everything, even rock'n roll. Well, Adam is the embodyment of the Man.

He is hierarchy:

Adam: 'Cause Hell is forever Whether you like it or not Had their chance to behave better Now they boil in the pot 'Cause the rules are black and white There's no use in tryin' to fight it They're burnin' for their lives Until we kill 'em again!

He is misogyny:

Adam: Just try to chillax, babe You're wasting your breath Charlie: Hehe…

He calls Charlie a loser and tells her to give up her dream:

Adam: Fuckin' Hell is forever And it's meant to suck a lot! So give up your dumb endeavor 'Cause you don't have a shot!

He presents himself as a hard rocker, but is actually the enemy of rock itself. After all, he is the very first man:

Charlie: Wait, your name is Adam? Like the first man Adam, that means you…Oh… That explains so much.

Adam's true nature is conveyed through his design, as well. He is one of the few characters with no animal motif because his animal motif is that to be "the man". That's it. And despite wearing metal and rock accessories, his tunic resembles a letterman jacket. He is an arrogant jock masked as a rocker.

Adam isn't who Dewey wants to really become, but he is who our rock'n roll teacher risks to become, if he doesn't grow up. A betrayal of rock. Let's consider this:

Dewey: I pledge allegiance… to the band… of Mr. Schneebly… and will not fight him… for creative control… and will defer to him on all issues related to the musical direction of the band.

This is what Dewey has the kids repeat when they join the band. It sounds like a cultish creed. Luckily, as the story progresses, Dewey learns to work with the students and helps them express their needs and personalities. Adam, instead, doesn't develop and traps the exorcists in a violent and controlling environment, where their personhood is negated. He is both:

The leader of an extremist religious cult

A rockstar surrounded by adoring fans

This double metaphor is conveyed through a religious reference:

Adam materializes a group of golden exorcists (both an army and a band), which alludes to the golden calf. According to the Bible, Moses goes up to Mount Sinai to receive the Ten Commandments, but takes a long time and the Israelites lose hope. They start adoring a calf made of gold, only to be called out by an angered Moses once he gets back. In short, the golden calf is a false god, an idol. Adam too is an idol, both in the religious sense and in the musical sense. He is a fake angel and a fake rocker. He lives in Heaven, but his beliefs are rotten. He plays hard rock, but his spirit has nothing to do with it. He is a sinful angel and a metaphorical rockstar who sold himself out. So, he is the fake calf that needs to be broken.

How does one do it? Dewey teaches his students the answer:

Dewey: Get all of your aggression out They try to stop you let 'em know Exactly where they all could go And do it just as loudly as you can Stick it to the man

And who is the one who sticks it to Adam?

CHARLIE, CHILD OF ROCK

Charlie and Emily: If Hell is forever, then Heaven must be a lie If angels can do whatever, and remain in the sky The rules are shades of gray when you don't do as you say When you make the wretched suffer just to kill them again

This stanza of You Didn't Know is Charlie's answer to Adam. The First Man sings that Hell is Forever, whereas the Princess of Hell believes redemption is not only possible, but necessary for Heaven to work. Charlie's reply addresses a systemic issue and challenges the status quo, which is why it is much more punk rock than Adam's stance:

Adam and Lute: There's no question to be posed He's unholy, case closed Did you forget that "Hell is forever"?

In general, the court scene makes clear who represents the system (the Man) and who is trying to change it (the Rocker). Adam is in a position of power over Charlie and is backed up by Sera, the highest authority in the room. Charlie is instead at the very bottom of the hierarchy, as she is a "hell-spawn" and the Devil's daughter. This is shown by the seating arrangement:

Adam and Charlie are the two sides arguing, so they should be on the same level. However, the First Man seats in a higher position than the Princess of Hell. That symbolically conveys Sera has already decided who is gonna win:

Sera: Well, you failed to control the demons' unrest, and now Lucifer is involved, setting up an audience for his misguided daughter.

No matter what Charlie says or does: she has no chance to begin with. And yet, for just a moment, she and Emily break the order:

They look down on both Sera and Adam and call out their hypocrisy. The two girls tower over the two angels because they have the moral high ground. They sing in princess-like voices, but their lines slap as the hardest and noblest rock can. This is why their duet is a reprise of Hell is Forever. They are schooling Adam on what rock'n roll truly is.

Adam might look the part, but Charlie is Hazbin Hotel's true rocker, just like she is the messianic archetype of the series:

Angel Dust and Vaggie: Can't we just kill him? Shoot him and spill his blood? Charlie: That's an… option you could choose Angel Dust and Vaggie: Works for us! Charlie: But, who hasn't been in his shoes? It starts with sorry!

Jesus: He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first (John 8:7)

In the Gospel, an adulteress is brought to Jesus, so that he can order to stone her. Jesus instead asks that whoever has never committed sin throws the first stone. Nobody does and the woman is saved. This is similar to how Charlie steps in for Sir Pentious and convinces Angel and Vaggie to show mercy.

Charlie is clearly inspired by Jesus to an extent. She is the one willing to embrace humanity as a whole. Especially the wretched, the sinners and the outcasts:

Charlie: I can hear all their stories The lost and displaced And I know that they're more of an acquired taste But if I open the door and I give them a place At my Hazbin Hotel It'll be a happy day in Hell!

Adam is linked to an empy golden idol, whereas Charlie is set up as the savior of the world.

When it comes to the School of Rock motif, Hazbin Hotel takes Dewey's character and divides him into two:

Adam is Dewey's want. He is who Dewey initially wants to be. A shallow rockstar, who is self-centered and childish. A selfish prick showered with praise and success.

Charlie is Dewey's need. She is who Dewey eventually needs to be. A helper. Someone who makes the silenced voices heard. Dewey discovers he can be a rocker in a new band with the kids. Charlie slowly grows into the Princess of Hell thanks to her found family of misfits.

These two sides of Dewey and of rock itself come to a final clash in the Hazbin Hotel's reinterpretation of the Battle of the Bands: Extermination Day.

THE BATTLE OF THE BANDS

School of Rock's climax is the Battle of the Bands, where the School of Rock (Dewey's new band) faces off against the No Vacancy (Dewey's old band):

The Hazbin Hotel has a sign with the words "No Vacancy". That is used in hotels when there are no rooms left. However, it also alludes to the School of Rock's rivals.

The competition is where Dewey's character arc reaches its conclusion in two different ways.

He is unmasked, but the kids forgive him and accept him for who he is.

The School of Rock lose the battle, but they are the moral winners, as they touch the hearts of the public. Thanks to this, Dewey himself learns what rock is really about:

Summer Hathaway: What's wrong? Dewey Finn: What's wrong, Summer? Didn't you hear? We lost! Freddy Jones: Hey, chill out, dude. Rock isn't about getting an A. The Sex Pistols never won anything. Lawrence: Don't let the Man get you down. Zack Mooneyham: Yeah I mean, dude, you gotta cheer up. We played a kick-ass show. Dewey Finn: We did, didn't we? It was unbelievable, wasn't it?

Adam's Extermination Day is an inversion of both these resolutions.

1-Unmasked

Adam is forced to show his true face, as Lucifer breaks his mask:

And who is the real Adam? He is a man who can't get over a woman (Lilith) choosing someone else (Lucifer). So, he acts as a bully to hide his wounded masculinity.

Adam's real essence is hinted at by his final outfit, which has a golden leaf on the front. This is a reference to the fig leaf the biblical Adam uses to cover up his nudity out of shame. Such a detail can be read in two ways:

As an inversion of the original story. In the Bible Adam covers his penis, while in Hazbin Hotel the First Man puts emphasis on it through an accessory.

As a metaphor in line with the religious tradition. Biblical Adam hides his reproductive organ out of embarassement. Similarly, Hazbin Adam hides the fact he isn't such a great lover by overselling his sexual prowess. Both are ashamed of their dicks, even if for different reasons.

In short, Dewey is unmasked, but discovers a rocker behind the loser. Adam instead gets outed as a loser behind the rockstar.

2- Winning and Losing

Adam overpowers Charlie, but is stopped thanks to the bonds the girl nurtured throughout the series. Charlie can't win against Adam by herself, but this is ultimately not important. As a matter of fact Adam is defeated by Lucifer, killed by Niffty and proven wrong about redemption by Sir Pentious.

So, Adam loses, but he is given one final chance to mature and change by Charlie. However, he refuses it:

Adam: No… you don't get to end this! I'm fucking Adam! I'm the fucking man, and you're just some fucking clown or something! I started everything on Earth! All of mankind came from these fucking nuts! You all should be worshipping me, you ungrateful, disgusting, fucking losers-!

Adam's final rant reveals the Man behind the Idol. both in a religious and in a musical sense.

On the one hand Adam compares himself to God, which is blasphemy. This just makes the juxtaposition with the Princess of Hell stronger, as Charlie references Jesus's sacrifice during her final stand:

Adam: Why would you endanger your immortal life for these sinners? Charlie: They’re my family!

On the other hand Adam's speech can be juxtaposed to Dewey's final one to the kids:

Dewey: Okay, listen up, you guys, we only have one song to let these guys know who we are…so I think we should play Zack's. Zack: But why? I mean…really? Dewey: Yes! The thing is, you guys, I ain't that good. I'm not, I can admit it, but, dude, you're ten years old, you're already better than me, your song rocks harder, so let's play it! But hey, you know what? That's just one guy's opinion. This ain't my band, it's our band, we all have a say.

Adam is so self-centered he makes the whole universe about himself. Dewey instead accepts he has not enough talent to be a rockstar, but realizes he can help others bloom. Adam torments his descendants by exterminating them. Dewey finds happiness in nurturing the new generations. That is why the teacher is eventually loved by his students, while the exorcist is killed by a metaphorical child:

STICK IT TO THE ANGEL

Niffty: What can I do to help? Charlie: How about this. If you see an angel, stab it!

Niffty is:

An abused housewife who adores being ordered around by "bad boys"

Everyone's inner child, which is why she is cared about, as if she were a kid

She is the perfect character to land the finishing blow to Adam. On the one hand the First Man is dominated by a masochist woman, who thinks nothing of him. On the other hand the Man-Child is killed by the embodyment of childhood itself. Adam is a fratbro who fails to question his toxic masculinity and a person who never grows up. He is the Man, so he is rightfully stuck by one of Charlie's rock students:

Lucifer: Hey, y-ya got somethin' stickin' outta your… your thing there.

Katie Killjoy: The janitor said, quote, "Charlie told me to stab, so I did".

As a matter of fact it is Charlie, who teaches Niffty how to stick it to the man. She confirms herself as the true rock teacher, just like Dewey. That is because both realize "rock" is not about individualism, but about community. Like a class. Like a hotel.

CONCLUSION

Hazbin Hotel uses Adam's musical inspiration to comment on his character and on what he represents thematically. He is introduced as an expy of Dewey Finn, but is soon revealed as his deconstruction. He is who Dewey would be if he never got to the School of Rock and never learnt what this musical genre truly stands for. In short, Adam needs some rock repetitions :P If you read up until here, congratulations! Hope you enjoyed it and that it wasn't too unclear or confusing :)

[calina12]

Also, holy FUCK, was episode 4 massive for Charlie's character!

Yes, she REALLY needed that reality check about how bad the lives of the sinners are she tries to help, but it also lead to Charlie taking her proper role for a solid second when she get angry at Valentino.

It's quite obvious to me that Vaggie will be the one to actually run the hotel, so it's Charlie's job to not only use her unique position as princess of hell to deal with heaven for her people's sake, she's also supposed to be protective mighty force her guests can find the save haven in they desperately need to escape their circumstances.

When any of their powerful abusers dare to enter the hotel it's HER job to put them in their place and away from their victims.

Her place isn't running the hotel, SHE'S supposed to be the hotel's and people's protector, and I'm so fucking hyped to see her growing into that role. To see her rip open that portal between hell and heaven for good to free her people herself if she fucking has to.

But episode 4 is also so important for Charlie because it showed us just how massive of a toll it took on her that her mother just up and left 7 years ago, and we were already told that Lucifer ain't the dad of the year either.

Angel forgiving her at the end of the episode meant so much to her because she feared so fucking badly that she ruined everything, he would hate her and leave forever, into a life she would have had had a hand in making worse.

Obviously she has massive abandonment issues and as Husker correctly stated: she's a bleeding heart who wants to solve everyone's problems except her own.

And she does that because very clearly she was highly neglected by her parents in her emotional needs, even if I don't put into question at all that they love her.

She desperately tries to help and find in others what she didn't get from her parents, to get a group of people she can finally trust and who won't abandone her, so she tries everything she can to solve everyone else's problems because that way she thinks she will "earn" being worthy of being loved and not abandoned.

So when she just showed up at Angel's work place to talk to Valentino without checking with Angel beforehand what she has to do to NOT cause him hell, and caused an absolute fucking disaster HE had to pay the whole price for and NOT her because of her privilege and immunity as Princess of Hell, that was literally one of the worst things for her she could have caused.

It hit all her insecurities in the worst ways possible. And I'm so glad that they had Angel say "thank you for caring about me" and not "thank you for trying" because that's not the same and what Charlie needed was indeed the former.

She really desperately needed to hear from him that the reason why he forgives her is that he understands that she did all of this because she CARES for him. That his reason for forgiving her has nothing to do with him prioritized anything else she can GIVE or provide over seeing HER.

Mind you, of course this whole disaster she caused can't be justified and it has no business ever happening again to such horrific degrees, she NEEDS to work through her own problems ASAP because the people who depend on her as the privileged and basically untouchable person in power who promised them protection can't continue paying the price for her actions

But this is a fictional story, so I'm talking about the narrative when I say that both Charlie's and Angel's characters needed this to happen for their development.

Just, good fucking God, let this have been the peak of Charlie's naivety and the incident she needed to start healing a deep scar in her heart. I love Charlie to pieces, please give us the pay-off now from the emotional development and what she learned by now so she can grow into the mighty mama bear she is meant to be without her unintentionally continuously hurting her adopted hurt cubs.

Because thats a factor I can't and won't ever ignore in her type of (main) character and in her leader role and privileged position/ status in all of this.

Fingers crossed, cause I'm so fucking ready to love this sweet broken girl with the heart of a lion, with every inch of my being.

[sebaztianlovesgeek]

I've been thinking about a Stardust Crusaders Ghostbusters AU where Holly divorces Sadao and moves back to New York with Jotaro to live with Joseph and Suzi, Joseph and Jotaro discover that there are a ton of ghosts around and start their own ghost hunting agency because stands are one of the only things that can physically fight ghosts. Suzi is the receptionist

All of the ghosts are based off of the classic ghosts from the original Ghostbusters like Slimer and Marshmallow Man as well as Jojo villains from parts 1-3 (both side villains and main villains) and the big "boss" villain is Dio who came back from the dead

Kakyoin's parents are Joseph and Jotaro's first clients as they feel their son has been possessed, after a few cheesy exorcist parodies turns out the ghost who possessed Kakyoin is Rubber Soul (referencing how in the original manga/anime Rubber Soul used his stand to pretend to be Kakyoin)

After finding out Kakyoin also has a stand Joseph and Jotaro let him join.

It takes a while for the trio to have their 2nd client but soon 2 roommates living together in a small house call up, surprisingly its Joseph's friend Avdol and his new friend Polnareff who have been living together as roommates and suspect the small house they live in has been inhabited by a poltergeist

The poltergeist turns out to be Centerfold, the ghost of the man who killed Polnareff's sister and was caught and executed but had now come back as a ghost as revenge since Polnareff was the one who caught him and got him arrested

Centerfold attacks them, they manage to fight back but unlike Rubber Soul they do not manage to capture him and he escapes the house.

Avdol and Polnareff join the ghostbusting crusaders and a parody of the hotel scene from the original 1984 movie begins. The 4 are called over to a hotel where they meet Slimer, Kakyoin gets slimed

Unlike the movie they chase Slimer out of the hotel where the ghost eats all of the hotdogs from a hotdog stand as well as chase Polnareff around trying to slime him too, and we sll know Polnareff is not up for that. Luckily for him, he is saved by a hungry dog who also wanted those hotdogs, the dog uses his stand to fight Slimer, he then hogs all the hot dogs for himself

The team names this dog Iggy and he officially becomes the pet as well as the new members of the ghostbusting crusaders

So you get the basic idea of what I'm thinking here, I haven't watched ghostbusters in a few years so I don't remember a few parts of the basic story but I just adore the idea of a Jojos AU of it