#he likes the moustache it's all the rage

[thebongcloudopening]

"Still the face of someone not to fuck with?"

You look like you're 80 pounds, sopping wet.

[awkward-teabag]

I'm so tried of the response to the new Dragon Age game. You can't criticise decisions or the writing without being lumped in with bigots unless you caveat a hell of a lot, which fewer and fewer online spaces allow for. I'd say this is by design but I don't know if the people fanning the flames and pushing this bigotry are that smart.

It's been in development hell for a decade, cancelled and revived, stopped and started over from scratch multiple times, was infamous for staff turnover, and had senior staff quit the first time it was cancelled then EA fired 50 more people which included senior developers who had worked on previous Dragon Age games. The reason given was EA wanted to be able to "pivot faster" but it's pretty obvious they wanted to get rid of people who had the experience and seniority to push back against decisions.

Because the game very much looks like what happens when execs want to chase trends rather than let developers do what they have experience doing or what customers expect from a franchise name.

But once again the focus isn't on major issues with the AAA publishing industry or MBAs calling shots, it's about a non-issue that's a symptom of that at most and it prevents actual criticism from getting through.

[aurorawritestoescape]

FEED ME || Joel Miller x f!reader || 2,3k

Summary: Joel is hungry but not for dinner

Tw: 18+ mdni, smut, pwp, food play, object insertion, m/f!oral, swearing, cum eating, Joel is a horny menace, fingering, a bit of degradation, Joel can pick up reader, reader wears a dress, has hair that can be pulled

A/n: hugs and smooches to @iamasaddie for the gif🌸

same couple HEATWAVE collection || MASTERLIST

*****

“What are we making?”

You jump hearing Joel���s gruff voice right at your ear.

“Joel! I’m holding a knife!” you exclaim, pressing your free hand to your chest. Your heart is booming under your palm as you are silently cursing your sneaky husband.

He hugs you from behind, caging you against the counter, and you breathe out your tension, feeling his warm body pressed to your back.

“What are you cooking, baby?” His scruff is rubbing your shoulder as he’s pushing the fabric of your home dress out of his way and kisses the spot at the crease of your neck.

You smile already melting from this cute gesture but don’t turn around. You focus back on the task at hand - chopping a pepper.

“Salad,” you reply.

He hums and you feel his hands glide from your waist down to your sides. While you’re working the knife, trying not to cut your finger off, he bunches up the skirt of your dress and his warm palms grab your hips.

“Nah-ah,” you slither out of his embrace and step to the sink. “I’m hungry, Joel,” you say, feeling a pang of guilt for refusing him but nonetheless enjoying the way he glares at you under his brows, hands still braced on the counter. He looks so sexy like this.

“You can wait until after the dinner, right?”

You give him a sweet smile before turning on the water. You grab a cucumber out of a big bowl and start washing it. Joel’s intent stare is focused on you while your hands are gliding around the vegetable. You forget about your audience for a second doing a thorough job cleaning the cucumber until it squeaks under your palms. Suddenly Joel curses under his breath and storms out of the room.

You furrow your brows, confused by his behavior and hoping that you haven’t offended him. But Joel is caring and always attentive to your needs, even when he’s thinking with his perfect cock.

So you dry the cucumber and return to your chopping board.

Joel doesn’t sneak up on you this time but you still jump when you hear him shout, “DON’T! Don’t cut it!”

You freeze clutching the knife in your hand, but now it’s trembling with rage rather than with fear like before.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” You shrill and turn around before throwing the knife on the counter.

Joel walks to one of the cupboards, opens it and after a few seconds of consideration takes something out.

Your eyes are wide and you hope the heat of your fiery glower can burn him. It seems that he feels it, judging by the way he inches towards you with a little apologetic smile, holding out a protein bar.

“Sorry for scaring you, baby,” he coos, stepping up to you, “Here. Have a snack.”

“I don’t want a fucking snack, Joel,” you grumble looking up at the man from behind your eyebrows, “From now on you’re banned from the kitchen when I’m cooking, you hear me?

“Yeah, yeah. But after today, ‘k?” He opens the protein bar and brings it to your lips. You don’t eat it, standing immovable in front of him, still throwing daggers at his handsome face.

“C’mon, sweetheart. I really want you.” He puts the bar on the counter and his hands start gently rubbing your arms, moving up and down. He pecks your cheek, the other one, plants a kiss on your nose and forehead. His moustache tickles you and you giggle trying to dodge the kisses he’s peppering all over your face.

With your palms on his broad chest, you give up and let him embrace you. He presses his hips to yours and you feel him hard against your mound.

You whimper, blaming your weak pussy for the way you crumble only after sensing the shape of his stiff cock.

Joel licks his lips and leans down to give you a heady kiss, passionate but soft. His hands are touching you everywhere - kneading your breasts, squeezing your ass cheeks, running through your hair and pulling on it lightly.

Soon you’re moaning into his mouth, soaking your panties, and buck your hips into his.

“Oh, what is it? Thought you were hungry, baby. Guess your slutty pussy wants to swallow my cock more, huh?”

You whine nuzzling his neck while a fire starts burning inside your core. Dinner be damned, you want to be filled with his cock.

“That’s what I thought,” he smirks, pushes the board and the knife to the side and lifts you, setting you on the counter.

In a second your panties are discarded on the floor and Joel is kneeling next to them.

He grabs your ankle and pushes your leg up, placing one foot on the counter. Your glistening pussy blooms for him and you bite your lip when cold air hits your heated folds.

Not waiting for an invitation, Joel latches onto your clit and you mewl with pleasure, eyes shut, hands pulling on his hair. His hot tongue is swirling eights against your bud while his thick fingers prod your wet hole before he pushes them in and starts pumping in and out. He curves them just right and you come undone, clit twitching against his tongue, pussy clenching on his digits.

Joel pulls them out and licks them clean while you’re panting, mind and vision hazy after a bright orgasm.

Joel gets up and while you’re reveling in the post orgasmic euphoria you don’t notice his hand sneaking behind you.

Something cold touches your leg and you open your eyes seeing Joel slide a tip of the cucumber up and down your inner thigh.

"Joel, what are you doing?" you giggle nervously trying to close your legs.

"Shh... l've got an idea," he says, holding your legs open for him with his big hands on your inner thighs. "All your fault, sweetheart. When you were washing it...Damn it. The way your hands glided over this thing. My dick loved it."

"Ehm,” is the only thing you can say. You're surprised and even more so when he takes out a condom out of his pocket. You haven't used one in a while with you being on the pill and him being the biggest fan of creampies.

"I can, right, baby?" He asks before opening the package with his teeth and pulling the condom out.

"Do you... what do you..?" You mumble trying to gather your thoughts after the recent orgasm and wrap your head around whatever his intention is.

Your jaw drops when you watch him put the condom on the long thick vegetable like it's some weird sex ed class and he says,

"Gonna fuck you with this cucumber, 'k?"

“But Joel…it’s big,” you mewl, eyeing the thing and trying to imagine it in your pussy.

“My cock is big, baby, and you take it so well. And I’ll get you ready, sweetheart, don’t worry.”

You look at the cucumber, then into Joel’s pleading eyes and feel your pussy get curious and start tingling again at the promise of something long and thick stuffed inside it.

You nod and Joel beams at you and takes you in his arms.

“Let’s get you to the bed.”

***

A few moments later you’re lying on your bed, completely naked, with a couple of pillows stuffed under your back, so you could see and control what’s about to happen to your pussy.

Joel’s sitting on his heels between your legs, spotting a giant tent in his boxers but he doesn’t do anything about it. His hand is gripping your knee, and he’s holding a bottle of lube in the other, warming it up. The cucumber is on the bed next to your hip, looking thicker and longer than Joel’s cock. And Joel’s cock is huge. You swallow loudly and Joel notices your tension.

“Breathe, baby,” Joel says, giving you a warm smile. “I’ll be careful,” he murmurs and you know he will. Something warm and fuzzy moves in your stomach and you whisper back, “I trust you.”

His eyes are blown with lust, lips glistening and you feel you can come just from an image of him being so thirsty for you.

His fingers trail from your knee to your pussy until he brings them to your clit and begins gently stroking it.

Joel puts the lube on the bed and slowly pushes three fingers into your hole, palm up. They move in and out easily but apparently it’s not enough.

“Play with your tits, sweetheart. C’mon,”

He doesn’t have to repeat it, in a second you’re kneading your breasts, twitching your hardened nipples and your pussy clenches as a new wave of arousal ripples through your body. You moan and rock your hips desperate for more stimulation.

“Joel, stick it in me already!”

He chuckles as his little finger joins the other three inside your pussy.

“Attagirl. Ready?”

You nod and open your thighs wider. Joel's digits leave your stretched hole and he gets the unconventional sex toy ready, squirting some lube on it and spreading it with his fingers. Caressing your bud with one hand, he brings the cucumber to your crying hole and nudges it with the tip.

You breathe in sharply feeling something cold and hard at the softest and warmest place of your body.

You whimper when he slides the firm vegetable between your folds and then starts slowly pushing it in your wet entrance. The stretch makes your muscles tense but Joel swirls your clit between his fingers and the dull pain subsides almost instantly.

“Tell me and I’ll stop,” he says, love and affection coating his voice.

Joel doesn’t tear his eyes from the sight of him feeding this huge cucumber to your pussy. He inserts a few inches of the stiff vegetable in and pulls it out almost to the end and then pushes it in again, deeper now.

He repeats these actions a few times and you whimper, clutching the sheets with your fingers as the cucumber’s bumps are deliciously massaging your walls.

“Damn it, baby, I wanna be this thing so fucking much right now,” Joel groans and grips your thigh harder.

“Yeah?” you breathe out, fluttering your eyes shut when you feel the tip rub against your soft spot.

You love when Joel's cock ruins your little cunt but you’re experiencing such an unusual novice sensation at this moment that you don’t want it to leave your pussy yet.

“Don’t stop, Joel. Please,” You plead as your cunt clenches around the vegetable.

“Fuck, look at it.”

His hand leaves the cucumber and when your walls contract, your cunt sucks it deeper on its own. You’re both mesmerized, eyes half lidded and hazy, mouths slightly opened, watching the cucumber stick out of your hungry hole.

“She’s swallowing it on her own. Greedy little pussy. You’re really enjoying it, huh?”

You nod eagerly and he smiles.

“That’s my girl.”

“Joel?” You call when he gets a hold of the cucumber again. “Come here. Give me your cock.”

You motion to the spot next to you on the bed.

“But don’t stop fucking me with it,” you hastily add, earning a chuckle from Joel.

“At this rate you won’t need me anymore,” he complains, pouting his lips but breathing into a grin.

“Never, I love the taste of your cock too much.”

Joel gently pulls the cucumber out of your pussy and gets closer to your face.

He stands on his knees and pulls his cock out. It’s painfully hard, bobbing over your face and dripping precum everywhere.

“Oh, Joel, give it.” You lick your lips and lift yourself on your elbows.

Your mouth reaches his fat head and you lick and suck it, drinking his salty precum. His desperate moan makes you feel slightly guilty for not offering to blow him earlier.

Joel leans down a little and starts fucking you with the cucumber again. You take his length deeper in your mouth and suck on his stiff cock caressing the underside with your tongue. His soft lower belly rubs against your forehead while he’s thrusting the vegetable in and out with faster strokes. You’re a complete mess, the mixture of lube and your slick sliding down to your asshole and soaking the bedding under you.

“Fuck…won’t last, sweetheart. Your mouth is killing me…damn, wish you could see your pussy, baby…you’re talking it so fucking well…my perfect girl.”

You gasp around his cock when he leans lower and takes your throbbing clit between his lips again. He’s sloppily licking your folds, sucking on your sensitive bud and you feel the warmth of your upcoming climax turn into scorching heat. He pushes the cucumber in and out once, twice and you explode, crying and whimpering, mouth full of his cock.

Apparently Joel was waiting just for that.

He finally erupts into your throat with a loud groan and you’re swallowing his warm cum as your back arches, pussy clumps on the stiffness inside you and fireworks burst in your mind.

You drink him to the last drop, and his mouth doesn’t leave your pussy either, he’s rubbing your clit with the flat of his tongue until you push him away, being overstimulated.

You part from his softening cock and plop your back on the bed catching your breath. Joel slowly pulls the cucumber out of your soaked hole and falls next to you panting heavily.

“Thank you for letting me do this, baby,” he coos before giving you a gentle kiss. Then he takes the glistening condom off, throws it on the bed and hands you the cucumber. “Here’s your dinner back,” he chuckles and you giggle with him.

“No way, Joel. First of all, we’re ordering in tonight and second,” you press the cucumber to your chest, making heart eyes at it, “I’m not eating him.”

“Him?”

“Yep. He’s living with us now,” you say trying to contain your laughter, “I’m gonna call him Dave.”

“Little slut,” Joel growls, pins you to the bed and shuts you up with a kiss.

*****

Thank you for reading!🌸

Comments and reblogs will make me very happy and help to spread my work!💖

same couple HEATWAVE collection || Masterlist

Tag list: @milla-frenchy @harriedandharassed @missannfairy @iamasaddie @nervousmumbling @bbyanarchist @stevie75 @puduvallee @auteurdelabre @mountainsandmayhem @senoratess @flamingochick55 @theoraekenslover

[welikeimagines-andfandoms]

Never Tried- Thranduil x Half-Dwarf!Reader

Summary: Thranduil has never had someone on top before, reader shows him how much he’ll like it

Word Count: 3, 219

Dwarves seemed to hold certain characteristics that were so different to elves, that Thranduil just couldn’t stand them. Though the war was over, and peace was attempting to be made between the king under the mountain and the king of the woodland realm, it didn’t mean that Thranduil was anymore at peace with three and a half dwarves roaming his kingdom.

Thranduil hadn’t gone for a walk to clear his head in a long time, but with the lingering smell of dwarf around, he thought it the best thing to do.

Gently strolling around the forest, his thoughts surprisingly fell to you. He never intended for this thoughts to so often lead back to you, but it was almost like an uncontrollable pull his mind had. You were part dwarf so there were things about you have found displeased him, but they never seemed to infuriate him like the other dwarves did. On the other hand, you were also part human, so you still held this wonder-filled grace to you that he’d often found in humans.

He’d never admit it to anyone, but lately you came to his thoughts more and more. At first they were pleasant, remembering the way you laughed, the way you corrected Thorin in a meeting, or the way you twirled your hair when you began to become tired after a long day.

You and the other dwarves had been in his kingdom for four days, and every day he found his thoughts of you becoming less and less innocent. If he was being truly honest with himself, perhaps it wasn’t the smell of dwarf that had led him to the forest tonight, perhaps it was just a way to stop himself from desperately rutting into his sheets or hand, to the thought of you.

It seems over these last few days, his innocent thoughts had melded with less than innocent ones. As he thought about your laugh, he also thought about the moans he hears you make when you finally lay your tired body in bed. Correcting Thorin at meetings, turned into the way you might boss him around, tell him how to please you. And the way you twirl your hair, made him wonder how your smaller hands would feel grabbing onto his own hair.

Thranduil became so lost in these thought as he walked, that he fancied he truly did hear your sweet moans. Both breathy and deep grunting moans, with skin sinfully slapping against other skin. He stopped his leisurely strides to close his eyes, thinking he’d begun to go mad.

“Stop it, it’s not real.” He found himself quietly whispering, trying to rub his temples until the intoxicating illusion would leave, but it never did.

It wasn’t until he heard another persons moan did his eyes finally open. Whipping his head up, his eyes honed in on where he heard the mixed sounds of ecstasy comes from.

His strides became longer and more confident as he came closer to the source of the noise. The delicious sounds became louder, the closer he walked, until he saw it.

There you sat, your naked form with an intoxicating sheen of sweat on it, bouncing and grinding on another. He found it hard to break his eyes from your gorgeous body and the way your breasts moved as your body chased its pleasure.

Finally looking down to where your eyes landed, he saw it was one of the dwarf princes you road. His rough hands grabbed at your thighs and breasts, as his ridiculous moustache braids bounced with your movements. He smiled up at you as you rode him, and grabbed at your soft flesh.

Seeing Fili grab at you in such a way filled him with boiling rage. Thranduil can try all he might to lie and say his rage was about the two of you defiling his forest, but really it was rooted in jealousy.

Thranduil wanted you all to himself. He wanted to be the only one to grab at you, the only one you teased as you drew pleasure from his body. Only now did he realise how badly he really wanted you.

His walk began as a way to clear his head of your intoxicating being, but now he begins to walk back, knowing that he can’t avoid those thoughts of you now. He knew the vision of you grinding and bouncing as pleasure-filled moans left your perfect lips would be ingrained into his mind, and he’d have to do something about it if he hoped to get any sleep tonight.

******

Thranduil took long strides to his room at the end of the next day, trying desperately to get away from you. The meeting had felt like it had gone on forever, every time he’d look at you, his body grew desperate and heated. Conversely, every time he looked at Fili, his body filled with rage. Having such strong emotions rattling through him for so long, left him feeling exhausted and in need of some time to himself.

He walked so fast and out of focus that he didn’t even see you in his path, until his body had collided with yours.

Looking down at you, his face stayed in the frown it was set in.

“Watch where you’re going.” He growled as he moved past you swiftly.

“You walked into me!” You defensively called to his fleeting form.

Your comment made him stop in his path. Was he offended you’d speak to him in such a way, or was he maybe a little aroused? He honestly couldn’t tell.

“What did you say?” He asked dangerously as he turned and walked back towards you.

Most people would hear an elvish king use such a tone, and give them such a look that they’d start to break down with apologises and fear, but not you. You stood your ground with your head up high, meeting his challenge. The confidence you held made him crave you even more.

“I said that you walked into me. You should watch where you’re going, your highness.” You fought back against his question, with his formal title being said in a way that was dripping with sarcasm.

“Well why were you standing in the middle of the hallway in the first place?” He asked you, trying to win at this pointless argument.

“Not that it’s any of your business with how rude you’re acting towards me, but if you must know, I’m waiting for Fili.”

At the mention of the dwarf princes name, his body became hot with rage and jealousy once again.

“You truly can not be apart from your love for long can you?” Thranduil asked, with the intent to both tease and actually gauge what your relationship might be.

His question was met with a scoff and a laugh.

“Fili is not ‘my love’. What makes you think he is, Thranduil?”

At hearing you confirm your relationship and say his name, the kings body began to simmer and become warm with need and surprisingly even submission. However, his face still stayed stoic, intending to win an argument he never really wanted to happen.

“Well usually when two people make love in my forest, I assume they are together.” He challenges, as his stoic look turns into a devilish smirk.

Your eyes grow wide and your skin begins to heat with embarrassment as you realise he must have seen you, but being just as stubborn to win this argument as Thranduil was, you quickly compose yourself.

Flirting with the king might not be the best move, but seemed like a fun way to win this argument.

“Are you jealous, Thranduil?” You ask slyly, biting your lip as you move gracefully towards him.

This caught him off guard and his composure began to slip. This was the last way he expected his argument to go, and though he hated to admit it, he loved the way you teased him.

“N-no! Don’t be ridiculous!” He quickly tried to keep his composure.

“Oh come on, Thranduil, don’t get upset with me. How long did you watch for? Did you enjoy it?“ You continue to tease him, now standing before him with your hands upon his chest.

This was all becoming too much, he had to win back power in this situation. He didn’t want you to stop touching him, and he wasn’t going to push you away.

“I watched long enough to see what you were doing. Long enough to know that your lover can not be a real man if he lets you take control in such a way.”

Thranduil was such a liar and a hypocrite. He would let you do anything you wanted to him and he’d thank you for it, but such a comment was all he had to fight back with. Unfortunately his plan didn’t work, and in fact it had the opposite affect. You only grew bolder, as one hand lay on his chest and the other slid to caress the back of his neck.

“Perhaps you think that way because you’ve never tried it. Never had a woman sit upon you and use you for her own pleasure. Perhaps you’re afraid you’d like it too much. Big bad king of the woodland realm giving up all control and losing all composure for a half-dwarven woman, must sound awful just to think of.” You tease as you step even closer to him.

Unfortunately for Thranduil, it didn’t sound awful, it was exactly what he wanted. He wanted you to control and use him, he wanted to worship you and beg and plead. He was going to get what he wanted, but he wasn’t going to do it easily.

“I’m not one to back away from a challenge. Perhaps you can show me, try your best to get an elf to lose his composure. I am not one to beg or be submissive, so it will be fun to see you try.” He challenged you, trying hard to keep in control, but from the little smirk on your face and the way you bite your lip, he knows you see right through him.

“Okay, sweetheart. I’ll be by this evening to take care of you. Poor powerful elvish king, wants to be taken care of so badly that he doesn’t even know how to ask.” Lifting on your toes, your lips ghost along the shell of his ear. “When I’m through with you, you won’t be asking, you’ll be begging.” You cheekily tease him, parting from him with a sweet kiss to his neck.

As you break away from him with a giggle, he is left there stunned and extremely aroused.

*****

Meeting in his bedroom gave Thranduil the illusion of having the upper hand. He’s a king, something like this should not fill him with the anxieties it does, and yet he has been pacing his room for the past 20 minutes.

Finally after what feels like an eternity, he hears a knocking from his door. Getting his composure back, he takes a deep breath and straightens up, before opening the door.

Looking down, he sees you in a simple robe, with a cheeky smile plastered on your face. Silently stepping aside, he allows you to enter.

Your eyes roam around the magnificent room as you take it all in. Dwarves styles also have a brilliance to them, but the style of the elves feels almost mystical.

Thranduil simply stands by the door watching you, as if he’s waiting to be given instructions. Once he sees your attention land on the bed, and your eyes fill with mischief, his heart begins to race, from both excitement and anxiety.

As you turn around to face him, Thranduils back straightens, in an attempt to fake confidence. You can see right through his attempts, and your smile widens as you teasingly pull the tie of your robe.

Letting the garment fall open and to the floor, you are left in a gorgeous silk night gown. Whether it was brought with you or given to you by one of his maids, he’s not sure, but he can’t help but stare at you. All composure is lost as his mouth drops open, and his eyes rake over your form.

“You like what you see, Thranduil?” You ask in a sultry voice.

As if drawn in by a trance, his eyes slowly make their way to your mischief-filled ones. He really does try to stay in control, but it’s hopeless and he no longer wants to fight.

“Very much so.” He desperately replies.

With a smirk, you approach him, his eyes watching as your body moves. Standing before him, you press up onto your toes to wrap your arms around his neck.

“You know, it would be a lot easier for you to kiss me if you lifted me. Come on, darling, hold me like I know you want to.”

Your teasing and demands should make him mad, but they don’t, if anything they just fill him with more desire. Before his brain can catch up with his body, he does exactly as you say.

A sweet giggle leaves your lips as you’re lifted into his arms. Your hands stay wrapped around his neck as both of his larger hands easily hold you up by the back of your thighs.

Now looking into his eyes up close, you can see how truly filled with desire they are. Without wasting anymore time, you crash your lips against his own, the kiss quickly becoming heated. His hands squeeze desperately at your thighs and ass, as your hands tug at his lovely blonde locks, earning you a desperate moan.

“Bed, Thranduil. Take me to the bed.” You breathlessly order him.

As if moved by a force beyond his control, he quickly carry’s you to his large bed. Surprisingly gracefully, he lays on his back as you straddle his lap.

“You listen to me so well, sweetheart. Are you going to be good and let me ride you? Will you worship me as I deserve?” You question the quivering king below you, your fingers lightly tracing along the side of his strong face.

His eyes close and he lets out a moaning sigh from your touch and the way your hips begin to grind against his growing length.

“Yes, I’ll do anything you ask of me. Just please, please say my name.” He desperately begs you, his hands now roaming over your thighs and ass.

Smiling down at his submission, you begin to lightly trace over the slight skin of his chest that is exposed, leaving him shuddering and keening. He whimpers as you pull his hands from your body, but stops as he sees you pull your night gown over your head.

As you bare your body to him, he can’t help but let out a desperate moan as his hands fly to grab at your form. Though his touch feels amazing against your skin and makes you wish for more, you quickly take his hands and push them to either side of his head. At this new angle, your breasts are perfectly in his face, and he wishes so desperately to lick, kiss and suck them.

“When I let go of your hands, you’ll be good for me and take off your clothes. Do you understand, Thranduil?” You whisper against his lips, barely even touching them.

At the sound of his name and the way you tease him, he can’t help but moan out his reply.

“I’ll be good for you.”

He sounded so desperate and pathetic that it made your body tingle with need.

“Good boy.” You sweetly encourage as you gently kiss his lips.

The moment you sit up and release his arms, Thranduil is quick to follow your orders. With surprisingly delicacy and speed, he manoeuvres you around his body as he rids himself of his clothes.

Feeling your bare skin pressed against his makes his eyes flutter shut and a moan to leave his mouth. His hands come up to rub along your hips and thighs as he unknowingly begins to grind against you.

“Mmhmmm, making you feel that good and you’re not even inside me yet.” You gently tease, as you take one of his large hands and bring his fingers into your mouth.

Sucking on two of his fingers, his eyes fly open to enjoy the provocative show above him. Taking his fingers from your mouth, you slowly lead them down to where you need him most.

“Feel how wet I am, Thranduil. That’s all for you.” You gently coo as you begin to grind against him.

With one hand holding onto his wrist, the other begins to stroke his impressive length. He was definitely much bigger than anyone you’d ever slept with, but with how wet you were and how good he was already making you feel, you tried not to worry about it.

Pulling your hand away from his length and his away from your heat, he almost lets out a whimper, before he realised what you were doing.

“You want me badly, don’t you, Thranduil? Want to fill me up and let me use you? Let me hear you beg, sweet king.” You sweetly order, rubbing your wetness against his length, as one of your hands rests on his chest.

“Please, y/n! Please I need you so badly, my lovely goddess. I-aa-aaahh.” His pleads are promptly cut off as you begin to slide him inside of you.

You both let out desperate moans as you begin to sink down. It takes a little while and sweet caresses and words from Thranduil before you’ve sunk all the way down, but once you do, you waste no time placing your hands on his chest and beginning to grind against him.

His hands can’t seem to decide where to grab at, as they roam over your breasts, waist, hips, thighs and ass. Stroking and caressing every bit of skin he can while you grind and hump against him.

Your shared moans fill the room as both of your movements become more heated and desperate.

It’s not long before the dynamic is totally changed. You are no longer using Thranduil for your pleasure, you are now both working in sync with one another, staring into each others eyes as the pleasure in both of you begins to build.

“I-I’m close.” Thranduil moans out breathily.

“Me too! Gonna cum around your cock so hard!” You loudly moan out as you begin to rub your clit, needing that little bit more of stimulation.

“Aaa-ah! Cum with me, Thranduil!” You loudly moan as you feel a wave of euphoria wash over you.

Mere seconds after you, Thranduil is grabbing at your hips and rutting into you as he finishes inside you with a moan.

Breathing heavily, your body collapses onto Thranduils chest, his hands instinctively caressing your sides and back, as he peppers kisses along your head.

You both felt completely relaxed as Thranduil continued to stroke your body and your hair, feeling at peace with one another.

“Would you like me to lift you to the bath? We can clean up and you can stay here tonight.” He sweetly and gently offers.

“That sounds lovely.” You smile sweetly at him with tired eyes.

[exhuastedpigeon]

Imagine the 119 is Taylor Kelly’s book being adapted and the studio was like “Taylor we need some more interpersonal drama. What can you give us?”

And Taylor is just like “I don’t know my ex and his best friend were weirdly codependent, especially after the best friend got shot”

And the studio was like… “secret gay romance, we like it. That’s all the rage.”

So the 118 shows up at a call on set and both actors are like “wow you’re the guys! Can we pick your brains about your love story? When did you know?”

And both Buck and Eddie kind of blue screen but for different reasons. Eddie because who told you that? That’s my deepest secret. And Buck because the actor who’s playing Eddie has a moustache and he actually didn’t even hear the question because he was too busy picturing his Eddie with one and now he’s really horny.

Meanwhile Hen and Chim talk to their actors who are perfectly nice people.

[angie-words]

Rivals Interview & Photoshoot

CW for mentions of sex, nudity

Highlights from the article (abridged! Full article by Caitlin Moran here):

Jilly Cooper’s raunchy Rivals: ‘You will see a lot of willies’

It’s taken 36 years, but finally Jilly Cooper’s legendary bonkbuster Rivals is on TV. Caitlin Moran — who was such a fan, she changed her name to one of the book’s characters — meets the author and stars on set and asks: how was it for you?

Guess where I am.

Oh my gosh — I am in RUTSHIRE.

If you own one of the multimillion copies sold of Jilly Cooper’s infamous Rutshire Chronicles books, you will a) be as excited as me, and b) know exactly where I am.

Yes, I am standing in front of a beautiful, honey-coloured mansion.

Yes, it is a beautiful summer’s day.

Yes, the herbaceous borders are magnificent.

Yes, there are adorable dogs milling around.

Yes, there are champagne bottles strewn hither and yon.

And yes, everyone is dressed in alternately fabulous, or ridiculous, Eighties outfits, with gigantic hair.

The ladies have electric-blue eyeshadow and golden, heaving bosoms.

The men, meanwhile, have tanned legs, huge Rolexes — and, in many instances, their gigantic hair manifests lower down: in moustaches like that of Tom Selleck.

And yes, of course, there is drama. David Tennant — wearing a lavish, gold, silken man-blouse and sucking on a cigar — is furious. He is savaging a roomful of party people, all looking stricken — and all, incongruously, wearing swimwear.

“How the f*** has this happened?” Tennant screams, as all the tits and legs fidget, gaudy piña coladas abandoned. “Get the f*** out there and sort this out! And why are you all wearing bikinis?”

Tennant storms from the room, apoplectic with rage — and then sees me.

“Oh, hello, darling,” he says, all sweetness and light.

“CUT!” the director calls.

Today, David Tennant isn’t, of course, David Tennant. He’s Tony Baddingham, the infamous, nominative-determinist baddie of Jilly Cooper’s Rivals.

“So, is this fun?” I ask him.

The last time I saw him on set, he was being the Doctor in Doctor Who, in a floor-length coat, trying to save the world from being exploded. Again. In the rain. In Wales. At 1am.

“Oh yes,” Tennant says. “I mean, look at my blouse. It’s like my aunt’s! Actually, I think it might be hers — it closes right to left. Don’t men’s buttons close left to right? Am I wearing,” he asks the room at large, “a woman’s blouse?”

“We need to go again, David,” the director says.

“Back in a tick,” Tennant says, running back on set, sucking on his cigar. Getting ready to be really evil, and Eighties, again.

-----

When it comes to the atmosphere on set, I later talk to David Tennant about this subject.

“Yes — there was a lot of due diligence about only having … joyful people on set. Crew and cast,” Tennant says, carefully.

(Dominic) Treadwell-Collins - executive producer - is more forthright.

“We had a very strict ‘no arseholes’ policy,” he says.

-----

Your mother was a Jilly Cooper fan? And, therefore, presumably … a Rupert Campbell-Black fan?

“My mum, you know … blushed when I told her [I’d got the role],” (Alex) Hassell admits. “A lot of women blushed when I told them.”

I’m interviewing Hassell, 44, and Tennant, 53, together. As a former Doctor, Tennant has, of course, a lot of experience in playing a role women find attractive.

“Once you’ve made [Rupert Campbell-Black] flesh, I think a lot of people are going to find it difficult to interact with you, Alex,” he says, helpfully.

It seems Hassell is aware of this.

“Yes,” he says. “One friend, when I told her, said, ‘Oh, that’s a bean-flicker role!’ I said, ‘Ah, I see.’ ”

“Huh. I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone come up to me and say, ‘I’ve masturbated thinking about you,’ ” Tennant says, thoughtfully.

“David!” Hassell exclaims, hurt. “When we met, that’s the first thing I said.”

-----

“Tony’s from a lower class, while Rupert was born with an entire silver cutlery canteen in his mouth,” Tennant says. “So whatever Tony does, he never has that class advantage. Tony needs to taste the blood of his betters in his mouth to make him feel better. Rupert’s blood.”

“And while Rupert is, in many ways, a shit,” Hassell says, thoughtfully, “he’s not a bad man, like Tony. Tony is jealous of Rupert. He wants his house, his women, his life.”

Accordingly, this suit-based class war plays out as Campbell-Black tries to take over Baddingham’s TV station — and the backstabbing, shenanigans, shagging and skulduggery commence.

-----

The tennis court at Cooper’s house is the setting for one of her most iconic scenes — where Campbell-Black first meets his love interest, Taggie, while he’s playing naked tennis. He is adjudged to have lost a match point because something is over the line. Oh, why am I being so coy? This is Jilly Cooper. It’s his penis. His massive penis is judged to be over the line. A note to diehard fans: this scene is shot exactly as written. You will see a lot of willies.

“We’ve been equal opportunities in our nudity,” Treadwell-Collins says. “There’s a willy for every pair of tits.”

“That was my great disappointment over the TV show,” Cooper sighs. “The tennis court is a terrible mess — no one’s played on it for 20 years — and I thought [Disney] might be darlings and build me a new one.”

She looks around, hopefully.

“Do you think anyone here has some booze?” she asks. “It is the afternoon.”

Cooper has been an invaluable muse to everyone on set while filming. In one scene, she handed over an urgent note that read, “Rupert would never say ‘spouse’ — that’s very lower-middle [class]. He would say ‘wife’.”

She argued for particularly Cooperesque jokes and puns to stay in, and was firm that the whole “First of May” tradition remain.

“Oh, yes,” she says, looking delighted, and then quotes herself. “ ‘First of May, first of May — outdoor f***ing starts today. But if as usual it do rain, we f*** off indoors again.’ ”

This ribald rhyme kicks off a massive shagging montage, involving the entire cast. And all outdoors, of course.

-----

I can’t tell you what fun it is interviewing all the Rivals people. Because of the show, everyone talks about their memories of the Eighties (David Tennant: “No, my Eighties weren’t like a Jilly Cooper book — I was at school in Paisley with my glasses held together with sticky tape, and a very unappealing haircut”), and smoking (Hassell: “Everyone smoked everywhere, didn’t they? Even on planes. They’d draw across that little … health curtain, and everyone smoked behind it”), and how hard it was to leave Cooper’s world when shooting finished (Hassell: “No one was looking at me like I’m the most sexy man on the planet any more. It was tough.”)

-----

In the event, (Aidan) Turner, 41, is an absolute hoot — particularly on the subject of the massive moustache he sports on the show. It is a magnificent specimen of upper-lip pelt. It looks like a vole fell asleep under his nose.

It looks like the one Ned Flanders has on The Simpsons, I tell him.

Turner gives a huge, barking laugh.

“Ned Flanders? I mean, I was thinking more … Irish stag? Super-masculine?”

He starts giggling again.

Turner’s relaxed stance towards his sex god-dom comes with an interestingly meta twist. In Rivals, one of Baddingham’s TV shows is called Four Men Went to Mow — where sexy farmers, sexily stripped to the waist, carry out sexy agricultural duties.

Turner, of course, infamously stripped to the waist a few times in Poldark, for that scything scene or lying in bed or emerging from the sea. In a pleasingly postmodern moment, one scene sees Turner rail against Four Men Went to Mow — raging, almost camply, “TV can’t just be men taking their tops off!”

Rivals is on Disney+ from October 18

[spidervee]

a little blurb in which tangerine nearly kills you…on accident! tangerine x fem!reader; cursing, tan being a bit of an ass, but also liking when reader is mean to him; some lewd dialogue and dark humour, almost car accident

When you’d left your flat to go for a jog that morning, the last thing you expected was to nearly be flattened by a sleek black Ferrari driven by a man who clearly spent too much time caring for the pornographic moustache over perpetually smirking lips.

Expected or not, however, it’s exactly where you find yourself as you turn a sharp corner and move into the intersection.

It’s early, and the streets are near-empty, so perhaps you’d let your guard down a bit. Or perhaps that barmy fucker behind the wheel was on some six a.m. joyride. Either way, the car skids to a halt, all screeching brakes and blaring horn and you’re frozen for a moment in the fluorescent glow of headlights before you realize just how close you were to being a fucking statistic.

And then, from through the windshield, you meet the driver’s eye and he has the gall to look annoyed rather than apologetic.

“You fuckin’ wanker! Watch where you’re going!”

Inside the car, Tangerine is gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles are white. But the shock of the moment passes and he’s pleased as pudding he was able to stop on time. Civilian casualties are one thing while he and Lemon are working, but there’s no clean-up crew, no protections, no payoff should he accidentally off a cute jogger.

Your fists coming down on the hood of the car jolt Tangerine from his stupor and though he wants to rage at you, he can hardly find it in himself to be angry—a shocking realization that he’ll have to keep quiet from Lemon, lest his brother try to psychoanalyze him with some Thomas the Tank Engine bullshit.

Tangerine doesn’t think as he swings open the car door and slips out to indirect the hood. Your fists are comparatively small and he doubts someone of your stature could do any real damage. And, of course, the Monza is stolen so who the fuck actually cares what happens to it?

He registers that the jogger is cussing him out and he can’t help the patronizing look that etches itself onto his face, the arched eyebrow and smirking curve of his lip. With an air of impatience he tuts at you, interrupting the flow of curses you’re levelling in his direction, a stream of consciousness enough to rival James fucking Joyce, rat paddy bastard and his fucking make-no-sense shitehead Leopold Bloom.

“Best be careful, love,” Tangerine chastises, “Didn’t mummy and daddy teach you to look both fuckin’ ways? And don’t fuckin’ touch my fuckin’ car. Y’know how many pricks you’d have to suck off to pay for what those little hands might fuckin’ do?”

You blink at him, shocked into silence, and for a moment Tangerine savours the sweet sensation of victory. But then, he watches as you pull a wad of bright pink bubblegum from between your clenched teeth and stick it right on the hood ornament of the Monza. Tangerine is certain his eyes bug out of his fucking skull because where the fuck do you get off?

“You little bitch,” he hisses, forgetting the few manners he has for a moment. He takes a lurching step forward, anger finally surging through him at the sheer gall of your action because you’re either incredibly brave or incredibly stupid or incredibly reckless and it doesn’t matter which one because, whatever character flaw it is, it’s going to get you into deep shite one day and Tangerine decides in that moment he wants to be there to get you out of said shit.

And, when he sees the self-satisfied smirk on your face, the perverse glee you’re getting from witnessing his reaction, the deal is sealed. He laughs, a genuine laugh from deep in his belly. He almost slaps his fucking knee like some nob but the sound of your laughter now mixing with his distracts him enough from that embarrassing almost-action.

“You’re a fuckin’ psycho.” Tangerine catches his breath and fixes you with an amused glare. You cross your arms over your chest and he knows, instantly, that you’re trying to distract him with your fabulous chest. It’s almost working, so he quirks an eyebrow and refocuses on your face which is somehow even more distracting.

Well, fuck him sideways, right?

[lmskitty]

teacher AU totally dumb ficlet for fun

The worst arguments that have happened in the satosugu house ranked.

5. Aged 11 Nanako and Mimiko turned Geto's shirt pink in the wash and blamed Megumi. They had to be separated at dinnertime because Megumi pulled out Rabbit Escape and swarmed the front room with rabbits that kicked Nanako and Mimiko in the face. Gojo held Megumi in the air stopping him from pulling Mahoraga while Geto held the twins on the table. Tsumiki sat at the table petting one of the rabbits. Dinner was ruined. No cursed techniques were allowed in the house after that and the twins and Megumi were sent to their rooms. Tsumiki finished her dinner and continued to pet the rabbit unbothered.She named it floppy because of its notable ear difference.

4. Megumi pretended Gojo was invisible for a week and didn't exist because he kept coming to pick him up from school in clothes matching his despite being asked not to. Megumi was 8 and it hurt Gojo deeply especially when Geto found it incredibly funny and started doing it too. Gojo did not enjoy this and apologised properly to Megumi.

3. Megumi defaced Nanako's BTS posters drawing moustaches on them all after she kept putting pictures of sea urchins online and tagging him as it. Geto and Gojo established a "no going into each other's bedrooms" rule which worked until the twins room got into such a state that their dad's had to intervene and amend the rule that people shouldn't go into each other's rooms for nefarious reasons. Retrieving laundry should be allowed.

2. Gojo and Geto had been known to bicker from time to time however they had had few genuine arguments. Geto binned a hoard of Gojo's sweet wrappers he was storing in a drawer without asking. Gojo was hoarding them to enter a competition with the details on the back and receive a life supply of the mochi brand.

Gojo yelled at him for binning his stuff without asking.

Geto said he wouldn't have to if Gojo tidied up after himself instead of leaving a wake of soft drink cans and wrappers throughout the house like a child.

Gojo asked if he had married a fucking tanuki since he seemed to love going through his garbage so much.

They spent a day not talking to each other and directing comments to their kids like "Tsumiki can you tell your dad to pass the ketchup" Tsumiki stood up and yelled that they were both acting like children and ran upstairs. The shock that Tsumiki could yell ended their argument.

1. Gojo put Geto's cast iron pan in the dishwasher.

It was a genuine mistake but Geto still took it v personally. Gojo offered to get him a new one, Geto enraged said that not everything could be fixed with goddamn money and that the pan was the first piece of kitchenware he had brought himself with his money as a sorcerer and had cared for since the age of 14 and that it just represented an ongoing argument between them that Gojo treated everything trivially that it could be fixed with money rather than communicate and treat things with care. Gojo said he didn't like that he saw him like that.

Geto said he should try thinking about things from other people's perspective then. Gojo scrunched his nose but took a moment.

"Then show me. I don't get it, I don't work like that but I don't want to live like this and hurt the people I love."

Geto stared at him for a moment and then gave him a kiss before showing him how to care for the pan properly with oil, putting it in the oven, explaining how it worked. Gojo listened intently and after that never made the same mistake again. He also started therapy. He knew Geto was right, when you can use infinity everyday things seemed trivial but the look on Geto's face when he was upset was enough to make him want to adapt and learn.

(Bonus: Tsumiki once kicked over a laundry basket in a fit of tiny 7 year old rage. Geto tried hard not to laugh at her adorable anger as Gojo spoke with her and she revealed that it wasn't fair that she had to be perfect while everyone else was able to be naughty and she didn't like it and didn't want to keep being good. They told her she was a child and was allowed to express her emotions so long as she wasn't hurting her self or family members and no one wanted her to be good, they wanted her to be Tsumiki and happy to be so. Tsumiki said good and that she wouldnt bottle it up anymore.

At dinnertime she stood and politely said that she hated peas and didn't like the way Gojo cooked potatoes. She sat down and then burst into tears and said she had gone to far in expressing her emotions. Gojo and Geto instantly pulled her in for cuddles. Megumi said she could have gone further and that all of Gojo's food sucked. Gojo called his comments rude and unnecessary. Megumi rolled his eyes and ate his peas.)

[mrs-avenger3000]

Seeing Red

Pair: Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: After Steve went into the ice, HYDRA took out their frustrations on his doe eyed little sister Y/n Rogers. Now after being experimented on for half her life, she’s back in Steve’s life. She’s a part of the team. A team that included the elusive Wanda Maximoff who just so happened to have saved her life. An accident forced them together, but it seems something deeper, more mysterious, is keeping them together.

Word Count: 2.9K

Warnings: 18+ Violence, fighting, implied smut, kissing, smut, swearing, angst, fluff, soulmate au, PTSD

A/n: I had this idea whilst reading Vampire Academy. I loved the idea of Rose and Lissa’s bond, so I tweaked it a little and turned it into a soulmate story…

Please do not copy my work or repost with the intent to take ownership of my work :) Feedback is as always welcome as are reblogs, comments and likes

1945

Things were never easy for you, you've lived through a literal world war. You lost your boyfriend and then your brother. You had given up at this point. Without your family... what did you really have? Your parents? Dead. Brother? Dead. Your love? Also dead. The only person you had left was Peggy, and she was just as distraught by Steve's death as you were.

Despite this you kept going. You were determined to ensure your brother didn't sacrifice himself for nothing. You had made it your mission to destroy HYDRA. Every fibre of your body burned with pure rage as you saw what they were doing to your home.

You had mixed feelings about Steve's sacrifice. Because yes, he thwarted their plans, and saved millions of lives, but it cost him his life. And it cost you your brother. This was the guy who would light all the candles in your bedroom every time you had a nightmare. He'd tell you that as long as the candle burns, you were safe. He's the guy who nursed you when you were sick. He taught you never to back down from a fight; he is- was the only constant in your life and you miss him terribly.

You lifted your head as you heard the door to your apartment open. You smiled sadly at Peggy. Her eyes were reddened and puffy. It didn't take you long to deduce that she had been crying again.

"I wanted to stop by... to see how you were." She mumbled, her voice slightly hoarse. You sighed, looking at your feet..

"I'm okay." You say, still looking at your feet.

"I wish I could say the same... I really, really do. I miss him so, so much." She sniffles, her eyes becoming glassy. You took a sharp intake of breath, thinking of him always hurt now. You used to think of your brother and be nothing but happy, but now that he's gone, the happy memories hurt because you know you can never experience anymore.

Thinking for a moment, you glanced at the teary woman in front of you, sighing you turned and walked into your bedroom. Pulling a cardboard box out from underneath your bed, you smiled as you saw the black-and-white picture of you and your brother at the carnival. He had face paint on and you had drawn a silly moustache on yourself. Placing the picture in your pocket, you grabbed what you originally intended to and walked back over to Peggy.

"Here, it was his favourite... it... it still smells like him." You whisper, handing her his favourite jumper. You nodded as she held it to her chest, sniffing it slightly. This seemed to make her cry harder.

"Thank you." She whispered as she slipped the jumper on over her uniform. You smiled as she did so. You knew your brother would have married this woman. She was his future, and you understood why. She was a beautiful human inside and out and you felt extreme pride when you refer to her as your friend.

You two sat and talked for hours until there was a noise that had Peggy reaching for her gun. Your anxiety bubbled as you watched her go check it out. You grabbed a knife from the kitchen and gripped it tightly. There was a loud commotion and shots were being fired, the loud bangs echoing through the walls of the apartment. You could smell the burning of... something, as the air suddenly felt warmer. Something was burning. Your worry increased as you heard Peggy groan in pain. The sudden puff of smoke confirmed your suspicions. Your apartment was now burning. "Y/N! RUN!" Peggy yelled as she came rushing into the front room, only to be tackled by a large burley looking man. He pinned her to the ground, and you glared at him.

"Let her go!" You yelled as you rushed over. Before you could get to him, you screamed as the front door was smashed in wood flew everywhere as it splintered off the door. The door crashed to the floor and your eyes widened as more people filed into the room, they were dressed in a uniform, they were soldiers and you then noticed the marks on their uniforms. Your rage soared as the HYDRA men burst into your home. You gripped the knife tightly before going after them. Even though you had no idea how you were going to win against a small army of HYDRA agents, you were determined to win. You punched, kicked, stabbed your way through the agents, but it was no use. One guy punched you so hard in the face, stars clouded your vision and you felt your eyelids become heavy.

The last thing you heard before you faded into the darkness was Peggy's final scream for you. "Y/N!" she yelled as you hit the floor.

HYDRA had got you now. You were theirs. And nothing could be done about it.

Today

The ringing in your ears intensified as you began running through the halls. There was only one thought in mind. "I have to get out." Your feet moved quickly as you rushed down the hall. You were being chased, but you had one advantage your advisories didn’t. During your time in HYDRA, you had been turned into a super solider just like your big brother was before he died.

You saw the wall and something inside you knew that you were only on the second floor. So you braced yourself and launched yourself out of the window. Glass shattered all around you, slicing your skin. Even more so when you landed. You slid across the ground. A cry leaving your lips as you did. You rolled over before you pulled your body up and broke out into a sprint. All you could think about was not getting caught. It didn’t matter about the fact nothing looked familiar, or that your body was begging you to lie on the floor and give up. You didn’t care about the blood that was seeping into your clothes all you cared about was getting away.

You were so caught up in getting away you didn’t pay attention to your surroundings. You slammed straight into a couple. The man’s hands shot out to steady the girl as they looked angrily at you. Until they saw your condition. The noise of the world hit you at once and you kept turning around, your eyes squinted as you looked all around the place. Tall buildings, loud noises. And they’re way too many people. The man came into focus as he gave you a concerned look.

“Can you tell me your name, doll?” He asked, and you squinted at him. Your heart was pounding in your chest so loud you could barely hear anything else. You swallowed.

“Where am I?”

“New York.” He replied softly.

You shook your head defiantly. “No, no, this isn’t New York. I- no!” You grabbed him by the collar. “Where am I!” you demanded as you shoved him backwards before stepping back from him a few steps. His eyes widened as he looked to your left.

“Watch out!” You heard someone new yell. Suddenly, you were encased in a red glow. It’s spirals moving you. Your body instantly warmed, and you strangely felt comfort from this red embrace. But your comfort didn’t last long as a body knocked into you. You both went tumbling to the floor, causing you to groan as you scraped your already bleeding cuts. Despite the pain, you felt insanely warm. You opened your eyes to see a curious and worried green pair staring back. Your heart jumped into your throat as you gazed at her. She was truly beautiful.

You flushed as you realised that she was practically straddling you. Her cheeks turned red as she stared at you. “Wanda!”

That voice.

The girl you now know as Wanda got up and held her hand out for you. You took it. Her touch was warm, and it left soft tingles on your skin and for a second she didn’t let go of your hand. You blushed softly before your eyes widened. “S-Steve?” You whispered softly. His eyes teared up as he rushed over to you.

“Y/n! How? How is this-” you cut him off by throwing your arms around his shoulders hugging him.

“You died! I- I mourned you.” You cried. His tears wet your shirt as he hugged you tightly.

“Peggy… she said HYDRA attacked and took you and she hasn’t seen you since.” He mumbled. You nodded.

“I… I’m like you now.” You mumbled, and he pulled back, cupping your face with his hands as he surveyed you.

“You’re not my little sister anymore… you’ve grown up.” He smiled, kissing your forehead.

“I was so lost without you. When you didn’t come home… when you went into the ice. I thought you died, Stevie.” You mumble, your voice cracking as you started to cry again. He squeezed you and you gasped in pain, causing Wanda to step forward, worry present on her face.

“Steve, she’s bleeding.” Her voice was like silk, so smooth, and yet she sounded so panicked. You glanced up at your brother through heavy eyelids. The exhaustion was catching up quickly, and you struggled to keep your eyes open.

“I… I think I’m going to close my eyes now.” You muttered as the world started to darken. You remember Steve picking you up before your eyes closed fully.

Steve glanced at Wanda, his eyes widening. He scooped her up and held her to his chest. “Let’s get her back to the tower.” He rushed out as he began running.

~/~/~/~

Steve sighed as he watched Bruce work on his little sister, his worry increasing when Bruce pulled out surgical instruments. “Just need to throw a few sutures here, Cap. Nothing too serious. She's lost a lot of blood, so I'm going to have to replace it. I've already started a drip and she should be okay in a couple of hours.” He muttered, focusing on what he was doing. His focus was momentarily taken off you as he heard the door open. He smiled softly when he saw Wanda walk in. She had been feeling antsy ever since she left. She didn’t know what, but something was urging her to come seek you out. The way her heart fluttered when you and her locked eyes confused yet intrigued her. Her eyes widened when she saw Bruce stitching up her side.

Steve have her an exhausted smile as she took a swat next to him. Wanda frowned as she could feel how anxious he was. “You never mentioned you had a sister.” She commented with a snippy edge. He glanced at her, noticing her small smirk. He sighed, a small smile tugging at his lips.

“When I went into the ice, she was seventeen. She’s at least twenty-three now. She should be at least 80. Which means for 80 years she has been in HYDRA’s clutches for decades and I didn’t figure it out.” He whispered sadly. Wanda reached over to squeeze it.

“You couldn’t have known.” She whispered.

“But I should have. I should have known.” He repeated, seeming distraught. Wanda wanted to take his mind off it so she asked about her. It helped distract Steve enough, so he wasn’t constantly hovering over Bruce. It also helped to quench Wanda’s compulsion to ask about you more and more.

“When we were kids, our parents used to take us to this field and there was this tree that Y/n made it her mission to climb for weeks. She tried and then when she did. She fell off,” he chuckled. “She never wanted to get down. My father usually had to climb up and get her.” He smiled at the memory.

“And then our parents died, and we only had each other. And then Bucky. She lost him too. She lost everyone. I’m glad Peggy was there for her once I went under. I always wondered if Y/n had a crush on her.” He joked, causing Wanda to giggle.

Bruce had finished stitching you up. He pulled the gloves off his hands and stood up. “The sedation will wear off soon and I’ve given her some medication to help with the pain.” Bruce smiled.

Steve nodded, his eyes travelling to the door. Bucky walked in, his eyes widening. “Y/n?” He whispered, his voice strained. He looked at Steve and he nodded.

Bucky hugged Steve tightly, laughing in excitement. “I can’t believe it.” He whispered, pulling back.

“Me either.”

An hour later and you began to stir. The pain in your side was bearable, but you could tell it was numbed. “Steve…” you called out, reaching up to rub your eyes. You looked down and saw that the girl who saved you… Wanda was resting her hand on yours. You looked at your hands and then at her before your eyes shot up to see Steve.

“Y/n… how- how are you?”

You smiled. But then your smile dropped. “B-Bucky?” You gasped. He stood up and grinned, walking up to you.

“Hey doll, happy to see me?”

“Is everyone who is supposed to be dead not dead? Is Peggy?”

“No… no she, she died a few years ago.” Steve said sadly. You frowned.

“I’m sorry. Did you at least get some time with her?”

Steve smiled, nodding. “A little.”

That little piece of information made you smile. Peggy had always wished for more time, that was it, and you were glad that they had gotten time together, even if it was only a small amount. Bucky came around and held your free hand. He brought it up to his lips he kissed your hand, and then smiled brightly up at you. "Things haven't been the same without you. I've missed you every day." He sighs, and you cast your eyes over to Wanda. She seemed annoyed. There was a small crinkle in between her brows that gave away her annoyance. You wanted nothing more than to. Make it go away. You pulled your hand from Bucky's grip, a small smile on your face.

"I missed you too, Buck." He frowned.

"What happened to you?" Steve asked, and you sighed.

"Well... since you destroyed HYDRA's plan to blow up the world they were angry with you so they took their frustrations out on me, at first it was purely anger based torture, but then they decided they needed me, so they experimented on me and then once they successfully turned me into an enhanced super solider, they froze me I guess, I don 't really remember much, I woke up a few years ago. It was weird I was the same age, but it was like a million years had passed. The world looks so different now. I- I don't think I'll ever be able to catch up." You explained. They all listened to your story intently. Wanda squeezed your hand as if to remind you that she was still here, or to support you, you didn't know which.

"They tortured you?" Steve asked brokenly.

You looked up at him and shook your head. "I survived, I'm okay."

"You're strong." The girl spoke up. You looked at her and smiled softly. Her eyes captured you as she stared at you. You couldn't find the strength to look away. Her features were soft, her eyes assessing you. There was this connection like there was something about her that pulled you into her orbit. She was truly gorgeous, from her fair skin to her cute button nose. You swallowed. Clearing your throat, you smiled.

"You feeling okay?" She asked, her hand still on yours. Her warmth was comforting.

"I'm as okay as I can be." You say with a smile. She continued to stare until a noise blurted out, causing you to jump. Steve smiled apologetically at you. He then pulled out a small square thing and tapped it. You frowned.

"Yes, Tony. I know. She’s okay.” He said, talking into the tiny magic box.

“I’ll update you on this when she has rested.” He muttered. Shoving the square thing back into his pocket.

A sudden chill wracked through my body and in a second the room had warmed and the chill of the room replaced with a toasty feeling. You glanced at Wanda and saw the red tint in her eyes. You tilted your head slightly, looking at the glow in her irises.

“Your eyes change colour?” You asked.

"A side effect of my power." She said, her hands glowing as she showed me. The red glow is similar to the red shield that encased you earlier, only darker, more vibrant. You looked at her in pure fascination. Your hand came up to touch her glowing hand, but Bucky quickly intercepted grabbing your wrist softly.

"Careful, doll, that energy stings." He said, glancing at Wanda's frown.

"Only when I want them to." She said with a feline smirk. In the split second, she made a decision. A small ball of her power shot out from her finger and slammed into Bucky's hand that was still gripping my wrist. He hissed in pain, ripping his hand away. He started shaking his hand as if it would stop the pain. Wanda giggled as he swore at her.

You grinned at the interaction. Your mind was reeling from today. So much had happened, and there was still so much to learn. You were eager to learn all about this new era, but even more eager to learn about the powerful redhead at your bedside. As if she could read minds, she turned to you and smiled. You smiled back, loving the blissful look on her face. You didn't spare Bucky a second glance as Steve called him over.

Tag list

@blackxwidowsxwife @g-cordelia @causeitswhatjesuswouldfreakingdo @cristin-rjd @yeetus-thyself @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @upsidedowndanvers @wanda-nats-slut @i1ovewanda @littlewinchester15 @fishlikestuff @gengen64 @procrastinatingsapphictrash @liladoesfanfics @baller2412 @rice-wiife @tomy5girls @srtamercury @nothingisrealanyway @marvelwomen-simp @darshikaria @ria900 @ic-4u @atlas-nex @xxromanoffxx @kcthewifitheif @fairydxll @strangegardentaco @maxxione @pbeckn26

[reluctantlyanimating]

BOOK ELEVEN BOOK ELEVEN AAA

BIG SPILLERS FOR BOOK ELEVEN

OK I WARNED YOU

AAAA

I had two things for book eleven but like cmon

Had to share this one, and i can use the other one tomorrow since i don't have anything epic for it otherwise sob

I drew this when i thought his hair was black for some reason bc despite my 800 rereads idk i just

Nothing clicked.

Then for a while after that i thought he was blonde bc blonde moustache and i kinda like that idea but then the wiki says he's also a redhead so like

Yeah, ANYWAY

How to Betray a Dragons Hero is my favourite one of the books i think 🫶🫶 from start to finish it's just such a masterpiece of an emotional rollercoaster. The moment it starts we see even more the devastation Furious and Alvin's war has wreaked, the dragons having caused forests and cities and islands to be reduced to ash in their rage and the Alvinsmen having driven these dragons further into their rage by killing them and stoking their anger every single day.

And then there's Hiccup and i just

The poor boy ok

I look back at how young he was through the series and find having started as younger than he ever was and now being older than we ever get to see him (excluding the epilogue) it feels like I've grown up with him.

And with Fishlegs.

I may resonate with this book most bc we all have an idea of what it is to be othered by society. The loneliness Hiccup and Fishlegs face, the isolation Camicazi faces for truly her first time now standing with these two boys, and the hope for better resonates deep in me.

I love how Cressida, in all her novels, seem to center around this quote of hers from wizards of once.

"We have to trust in the children and hope for the best."

She puts so much emphasis on the childlike hope, the lack of cynicism and the reality that change IS possible if you're willing to chase it. And even if you don't see it come to fruition, it's a matter of two steps forward and one step back.

Hiccup makes it to tomorrow (literally lives another day) because of Snotlout realizing that no matter what, you can start to fight for the better. The war ended because of Snotlout's act of selfless bravery even though he never saw the end of it.

I think another reason these themes resonate with me is it also aligns with some biblical aspects. How Jesus said that children would inherit the kingdom of God, and how childlike faith is necessary.

These are definitely thoughts i wanted to tack onto book/day twelve but oh well, here we are.

I really love these books and hopefully have some musings left for book 12 tomorrow. Happy Doomsday!!

[ddagent]

I've been really loving your writing! How about C1 for the prompts? I must know what that season 2 AU is. And maybe, if you have the time, D6?

Fanfic Menu Challenge

Aleida Rosales' first day at NASA had been intense. It was the first time she'd stepped foot into JSC since the day her father had been deported. There had been a scheduled field trip during her senior year but she'd called in sick that day; not wanting to see the familiar halls, to see Margo Madison. Aleida had long wondered what returning would feel like. But it had felt...right. She belonged in these halls, had worked her ass off to get a place in these halls. And not only was she now an engineer at NASA but she was working on one of the biggest missions since Jamestown: Apollo-Soyuz. With none other than one of the men who put Alexei Leonov on the moon.

At the end of her first day, Aleida wanted to make sure she said goodbye to Sergei. He had been kind: not pushing her to open up; asking only questions about the work. Always with a smile. But he was nowhere to be found.

In the ops office, she caught Elaine. "Hey, have you seen Sergei?"

Elaine tried her best to hide a smile as she finalised the new ops procedures. "He'll be with Director Madison."

Aleida felt a chunk of ice settle in the pit of her stomach. Why was he with Margo? Was she checking up on her? Did Margo think so little of her that she needed to be babysat? "Are you sure?"

Elaine checked her watch. "Well, it's about seven. He'll be there."

With a nod towards Elaine, Aleida fled the office and went to find Margo's. This would be the third office Margo had had since Aleida had known her. The first was nothing more than a cubicle: dim lighting, a mug full of tootsie rolls and toothpaste. The second had been larger, with a window no less and a couple of chairs. As Director of JSC, Aleida was expecting her office now to take up a whole floor. Maybe there was even a goddamn piano in there. Aleida felt rage build with every footstep, every clench of her hands. She was pissed at Margo for checking up on her. Pissed at Sergei for lying to her. He wasn't her friend. He was her damn babysitter.

As she rounded the corridor, Aleida caught sight of the open office door. Margo's assistant, Emma, had gone home. Light spilled from the open door, as did laughter. She recognised Sergei's laugh: he was incapable of getting through a shift without it. But in the months that she had known Margo, she had never heard that woman laugh.

"You do not think I will look fetching, yes, in a fake moustache and wig?"

Margo laughed again. What the hell? "Sergei, we are not hiding you when the Soviets come. You're with NASA, now. Front and centre."

"A perfect place to be for their snipers."

Through the open door, Aleida watched as Margo jabbed a finger in Sergei's direction. "Don't joke about that. Refill?"

"Please."

Margo stood up, took his empty glass, and went to a small bar by the wall of windows to refill their drinks. Aleida wondered what they were drinking. Vodka, maybe, as Sergei was Russian? Whiskey, brandy? Pepsi? But her speculation was cut off as her eyeline settled on Sergei. He wasn't staring at the artwork on the walls or at the bland carpeting. He was staring, unwatched and unbidden, at Margo Madison. His gaze was soft; his smile playful. Sergei stared, every atom within him yearning, as Margo poured them both another drink. Then, as soon as she turned around, a mask went up and Sergei was laughing and his eyes were harder. Like he'd never been watching her at all.

Margo sat back down and a new topic was introduced. "So, how was your new engineer?"

This was Aleida's moment. This was her time to storm in, to challenge them both. But she was rooted to the spot. Sergei replied and all Aleida could see was the familiar way he addressed Margo, the familiarity between them both. "She was wonderful, as you told me she would be. I am not surprised; you were her mentor."

"Hardly." Margo took a sip. "I knew her for four and half months eight years ago. I may have got her started but everything she is...it's all her." Another drink. "You'll keep an eye on her for me?"

"Margo—"

"—Sergei." He paused. She faltered, then spoke: "Please. You...you know what this means to me." Two drinks were quickly put aside. Sergei took Margo's hand in his. Their eyes met, and for a moment Aleida wondered whether she would watch her former mentor and her new one kiss in a quiet office. But Aleida blinked, and Margo was out of her chair, downing her drink, and putting it on the sideboard. "It's getting late."

"Of course." Sergei reluctantly finished his own drink. "Goodnight, Margo. See you tomorrow."

"Night."

Sergei left Margo's office, pulling the door closed behind him. He muttered words in Russian – Aleida didn't understand, but they seemed to be chastisements, hissing at himself and his behaviour. Sergei raised his head to leave and found Aleida standing in his path. He came to an abrupt stop. No questions about how long she'd been standing there, what she'd heard. Just: "This was a private conversation."

Aleida crossed her arms. "Looked pretty cosy."

"It is not. Director Madison and I...we discuss things. We have known each other a long time." Sergei joined her, sunk his hands into the pockets of his pants. He relaxed the closer he was from the door. "She does not question your capability, Aleida. She means only to make sure that you are well, that you are happy here."

"She could ask me herself."

Sergei smiled, softly, almost to himself. "Ah, but that would require Margo to challenge what has been instilled in her since she was first mentored: that this hallowed place is only for calculations, procedures. Not friendship or...love. She does her best, Aleida." His hand lightly patted her shoulder. "Please, give her space for her best to become better."

Aleida, reluctantly, nodded. Maybe she could give Margo a little leeway. But only a little. The moment she found out that Sergei was making detailed reports about her back to Margo, she'd cut both of them out. It would only dawn on Aleida later, when she understood the true reason behind the seven o'clock meetings, that discussing her work performance was the very last topic of conversation Margo and Sergei wanted to indulge in.

[turneradora]

Here is the written transcription of the new article of The Times magazine.

Published today on September 14th.

Thanks to Emma Jones 🙏👍🌺

Thanks to IsaDemrio for her edit

INTERVIEW with CAITLIN MORAN

Jilly Cooper’s raunchy Rivals: ‘You will see a lot of willies’

It’s taken 36 years, but finally Jilly Cooper’s legendary bonkbuster Rivals is on TV. Caitlin Moran — who was such a fan, she changed her name to one of the book’s characters — meets the author and stars on set and asks: how was it for you?

Guess where I am.

Oh my gosh — I am in RUTSHIRE.

If you own one of the multimillion copies sold of Jilly Cooper’s infamous Rutshire Chronicles books, you will a) be as excited as me, and b) know exactly where I am.

Yes, I am standing in front of a beautiful, honey-coloured mansion.

Yes, it is a beautiful summer’s day.

Yes, the herbaceous borders are magnificent.

Yes, there are adorable dogs milling around.

Yes, there are champagne bottles strewn hither and yon.

And yes, everyone is dressed in alternately fabulous, or ridiculous, Eighties outfits, with gigantic hair.

The ladies have electric-blue eyeshadow and golden, heaving bosoms.

The men, meanwhile, have tanned legs, huge Rolexes — and, in many instances, their gigantic hair manifests lower down: in moustaches like that of Tom Selleck.

And yes, of course, there is drama. David Tennant — wearing a lavish, gold, silken man-blouse and sucking on a cigar — is furious. He is savaging a roomful of party people, all looking stricken — and all, incongruously, wearing swimwear.

“How the f*** has this happened?” Tennant screams, as all the tits and legs fidget, gaudy piña coladas abandoned. “Get the f*** out there and sort this out! And why are you all wearing bikinis?”

Tennant storms from the room, apoplectic with rage — and then sees me.

“Oh, hello, darling,” he says, all sweetness and light.

“CUT!” the director calls.

Today, David Tennant isn’t, of course, David Tennant. He’s Tony Baddingham, the infamous, nominative-determinist baddie of Jilly Cooper’s Rivals.

“So, is this fun?” I ask him.

The last time I saw him on set, he was being the Doctor in Doctor Who, in a floor-length coat, trying to save the world from being exploded. Again. In the rain. In Wales. At 1am.

“Oh yes,” Tennant says. “I mean, look at my blouse. It’s like my aunt’s! Actually, I think it might be hers — it closes right to left. Don’t men’s buttons close left to right? Am I wearing,” he asks the room at large, “a woman’s blouse?”

“We need to go again, David,” the director says.

“Back in a tick,” Tennant says, running back on set, sucking on his cigar. Getting ready to be really evil, and Eighties, again.

Going back — to Rutshire.

Since Riders, the first volume of the Rutshire Chronicles, was published in 1985 — soaring straight to the top of the charts and eventually selling more than one million copies — Jilly Cooper has been the unassailable queen of the English bonkbuster.

While Shirley Conran’s Lace and Jackie Collins’ Hollywood Wives might have rivalled Cooper for sales, Cooper’s books are particularly well thumbed and beloved by their devotees because, underneath all the shagging and scandal, there’s something incredibly English and wholesome about them. Yes, there are villains, and orgies, and boardroom shenanigans — but just as much space is taken up by descriptions of scrumptious shepherd’s pies, heavenly rose gardens, darling horses and adorable dogs. And yes, the words used are “scrumptious”, “heavenly”, “darling” and “adorable” — the Cooper lexicon is heavy on delighted adjectives.

I meet countless people — actually, let’s be honest here: women; it’s women who are Cooper fans — who read these books as teenagers and had their lives changed by them. If you were in some boring suburb, or council house, reading about these relatably flawed English characters — all smoking; getting “tight” during long, boozy lunches; worrying about sweat patches on their cashmere dresses; gossiping; fighting their way through the class system; decorating beautiful houses; falling in love; and making endless puns and jokes — it all seemed a far more appealing, and possibly achievable, depiction of adulthood than the rather grim ones being peddled by Roth, Updike or Amis.

There are now at least two generations of women who, technically, emotionally, grew up not in Wolverhampton or Glasgow — but Rutshire.

This is why, in many ways, it seems strange it’s taken so long for the Rutshire Chronicles to make it to TV. Yes, there was a made-for-TV movie adaptation of Riders, back in 1993 — but Cooper fans don’t talk about that. At the time, “The acting appears to be from a Gold Blend advert,” was the kindest review.

No, it has taken until 2024 for someone to take on the task, drum up an incredible cast — David Tennant, Alex Hassell, Aidan Turner, Danny Dyer, Katherine Parkinson, Emily Atack — and persuade Disney, of all people, to cough up for all the mansions, helicopters, dogs, champagne and shoulder pads necessary to bring Dame Jilly Cooper’s beloved, fun, shagging Rutshire to life. A place as mythic to the British imagination as Narnia, the Hundred Acre Wood or the Brontës’ moors — but with, obviously, a lot more banging.

“Honestly, people thought I was mad,” says Dominic Treadwell-Collins, executive producer of the show. “I’ve been working on this for ten years. No, more — since the year 2000. I’d been a fan of Jilly since I was 20 — and when I got into TV, whenever I was in a meeting I’d say, ‘I want to do Jilly Cooper. I have to get these books on TV.’ And people would just slap their thighs and laugh.”

Treadwell-Collins’ previous projects include a five-year stint on EastEnders — “When we were getting 20 million viewers for the live shows” — and the multi-Bafta-winning A Very English Scandal, directed by Stephen Frears and starring Hugh Grant and Ben Whishaw.

But now, he still looks puzzled at the mocking reaction Jilly Cooper caused. “I could never understand it. I genuinely think Jilly Cooper is the Jane Austen of our times. These are the books people will study, in the future, when they want to understand what the Eighties were like. Jilly comes across as fluffy and lovely — but she’s got a steely eye when it comes to the sexism, the homophobia, the racism, class. You think it’s all lavish and flirty — and it is — but then, on every third page, she’ll come and kick you in the shins. But every time I pitched it, people would be like, ‘Jilly Cooper? She’s just … a bit naff?’ And it was always men who said it. But I bet if they’d asked their wives, they would say, ‘I LOVE HER! MAKE IT NOW!’ ”

It does seem there is a continual, notable blindness to female audiences. It reminds me of all the fuss around Bridgerton when it first aired. Light romantic fiction — your Mills & Boon, your original Bridgerton books — sells more than any other genre. It sells in tens of millions. But because women buy those books, it’s … ignored. Until, that is, US TV behemoth Shonda Rhimes unexpectedly adapted Bridgerton — and it instantly became Netflix’s biggest hit to that point.

Suddenly, “books read by women” were revealed to be potential TV goldmines.

“Yes,” Treadwell-Collins says. “We are unashamed in wanting to make female viewers happy with this. We want this to become everyone’s favourite show. For it not to be a dirty secret any more that you love Jilly Cooper. We want people running down the street wearing ‘I LOVE JILLY COOPER’ T-shirts. It’s … a rich treat.”

It certainly is a rich treat. I don’t think I’ve ever been on a set where it’s so obvious that the budget is huge.

“We were the last show commissioned in the streaming gold rush,” Treadwell-Collins had said, earlier. “Budgets are very different now.”

There is an emotional support dog on set — of course there is. An ice-cream van turns up at 2pm — burly crew members walk around the grounds eating tiny pink strawberry cones, looking delighted. And, for reasons I never fully discover, someone has a ferret on a lead.

As I wander around the gigantic mansion, I bump into various cast members, who all seem overjoyed to be there.

Claire Rushbrook, who plays Monica Baddingham — Tony Baddingham’s posh, tolerant wife — is in the orangery, having her make-up done, while eating a scone.

“I mean, we are doing acting,” she says. “I want to make that clear. But … it is also enormous fun.”

The comedian and actress Emily Atack — playing the irrepressibly titty Sarah Stratton — is lounging on a love seat, in an orange kimono, stroking the emotional support dog. She has spent most of this day wearing nothing but a bikini.

“I keep chatting to people, like, ‘Hey, Dan, how’s the kids?’ — and then realising my tits are out,” she says.

Nafessa Williams, who plays Cameron Cook, and is, as she says, “the only American on set”, describes everyone as “so welcoming” — but has struggled with small cultural differences.

“My cast mates would say, ‘I’m going to the loo,’ and I was like, “What does that even mean?’ I had to be told the loo is the restroom — so it was a whole new world for me.”

When it comes to the atmosphere on set, I later talk to David Tennant about this subject.

“Yes — there was a lot of due diligence about only having … joyful people on set. Crew and cast,” Tennant says, carefully.

Treadwell-Collins is more forthright.

“We had a very strict ‘no arseholes’ policy,” he says. “We did a lot of research. On EastEnders, some of [the cast] were really unpleasant; rotten apples who ruined it. For Rivals, we talked to producers and agents off the record, and if they said, ‘He’s a marvellous actor — but also a wanker,’ or, ‘He’ll be amazing, but he did beat up a girlfriend ten years ago,’ we just didn’t cast them. Lots of people [in television] will put up with it. We were like, ‘Life’s too short.’ Also, if you’ve got David Tennant on the call sheet, he’s such a genuinely lovely, kind, decent man — and that flows down through everyone else.”

However, while Tennant might be No 1 on the call sheet, Rivals is not his show. For there is one character who is the ultimate pivot of the Rutshire Chronicles: Rupert Campbell-Black.

Rupert Campbell-Black is a hot, posh bastard who, due to a three-book-long redemptive arc, is also one of womankind’s most fancied fictional creations.

Infamously, he was “inspired” by Queen Camilla’s ex-husband, Andrew Parker-Bowles.

Unlike Andrew, however, there are whole pages on Mumsnet dedicated to middle-aged women describing their hottest Rupert Campbell-Black sexual fantasies. I cannot overstate what a sex god he is held to be by Jilly Cooper fans. “RCB”, as he’s referred to, is … vaginally totemic to millions of women.

After a global search — auditions were held from America to Australia — Alex Hassell, previously seen as Metatron in His Dark Materials, was finally cast in this iconic role. When I talk to him, the main thing I want to discuss with him is how … feverishly his turn will be received.

Are you aware of Rupert’s … lubricious gravity within the Cooper fandom?

“I didn’t read the books as a teenager,” Hassell says, cheerfully. “They were on the top shelf in my mum and dad’s study, and I always wondered what they were.”

Your mother was a Jilly Cooper fan? And, therefore, presumably … a Rupert Campbell-Black fan?

“My mum, you know … blushed when I told her [I’d got the role],” Hassell admits. “A lot of women blushed when I told them.”

I’m interviewing Hassell, 44, and Tennant, 53, together. As a former Doctor, Tennant has, of course, a lot of experience in playing a role women find attractive.

“Once you’ve made [Rupert Campbell-Black] flesh, I think a lot of people are going to find it difficult to interact with you, Alex,” he says, helpfully.

It seems Hassell is aware of this.

“Yes,” he says. “One friend, when I told her, said, ‘Oh, that’s a bean-flicker role!’ I said, ‘Ah, I see.’ ”

“Huh. I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone come up to me and say, ‘I’ve masturbated thinking about you,’ ” Tennant says, thoughtfully.

“David!” Hassell exclaims, hurt. “When we met, that’s the first thing I said.”

The main plot of Rivals revolves around the, well, rivalry between Tony Baddingham and Rupert Campbell-Black. When young, Baddingham was bullied by Campbell-Black at boarding school. Now a powerful TV CEO — running the Rutshire local TV franchise — Baddingham still loathes Campbell-Black. Why?

“Tony’s from a lower class, while Rupert was born with an entire silver cutlery canteen in his mouth,” Tennant says. “So whatever Tony does, he never has that class advantage. Tony needs to taste the blood of his betters in his mouth to make him feel better. Rupert’s blood.”

“And while Rupert is, in many ways, a shit,” Hassell says, thoughtfully, “he’s not a bad man, like Tony. Tony is jealous of Rupert. He wants his house, his women, his life.”

Accordingly, this suit-based class war plays out as Campbell-Black tries to take over Baddingham’s TV station — and the backstabbing, shenanigans, shagging and skulduggery commence. Basically, imagine Dallas — but if, instead of oil, everyone was fighting to take over Anglia Television. Getting really angry over who has the rights to Sale of the Century.

I tell you what, though — why am I describing all this? The best person to talk about the plot of Rivals is the woman who came up with it: Jilly Cooper. And — here she is!

Cooper’s arrival on the set of Rivals is like a cross between a visit from royalty and the advent of an adorable, massive-haired, 87-year-old Bacchus. Everyone is awaiting her presence.

“Is there any booze?” comes her voice, from the hallway, as she approaches.

She is still being told, with polite sadness, that there is no booze as she comes into the room. It’s 1.30pm.

“They don’t have any booze here,” she relays to me, regretfully, as she sits down. “I asked before, but — no luck. I smuggled some in last time, and spilled it all over me — I’m terribly clumsy.”

Cooper is the living embodiment of the Rutshire world she created. In terms of being “on brand”, Jilly Cooper turning up in a mansion, looking for lunchtime champagne, is CS Lewis turning up with a talking beaver, gossiping about an “exciting wardrobe” he’s just found.

Everyone here has been to a “Jilly Party” — regular and seemingly full-on occurrences, held at the house she’s lived in since the Seventies.

“You just leave absolutely pissed,” says one, who doesn’t want to be named. “They have to ladle you into a taxi.”

“Oh, the last one was just a little party,” Cooper says.

What’s a little party?

“Seventy, seventy-five people?” Cooper says. “And then friends from the village, obviously. Andrew Parker-Bowles. Richard Madeley and his wife. Nicky Haslam. Lisa Maxwell. Stanley Tucci — who was heavenly.”

Please tell me the party was exactly like the ones in the books.

“Well, yes. We had kir royale, Pimm’s, wines. Gins.”

Note: gins multiple.

“Vol-au-vents, melon and Parma ham, smoked salmon on blinis. Brandy snaps with Chantilly cream. Everyone got awfully tight. I led them around the infamous tennis court.”

The tennis court at Cooper’s house is the setting for one of her most iconic scenes — where Campbell-Black first meets his love interest, Taggie, while he’s playing naked tennis. He is adjudged to have lost a match point because something is over the line. Oh, why am I being so coy? This is Jilly Cooper. It’s his penis. His massive penis is judged to be over the line. A note to diehard fans: this scene is shot exactly as written. You will see a lot of willies.

“We’ve been equal opportunities in our nudity,” Treadwell-Collins says. “There’s a willy for every pair of tits.”

“That was my great disappointment over the TV show,” Cooper sighs. “The tennis court is a terrible mess — no one’s played on it for 20 years — and I thought [Disney] might be darlings and build me a new one.”

She looks around, hopefully.

“Do you think anyone here has some booze?” she asks. “It is the afternoon.”

Cooper has been an invaluable muse to everyone on set while filming. In one scene, she handed over an urgent note that read, “Rupert would never say ‘spouse’ — that’s very lower-middle [class]. He would say ‘wife’.”

She argued for particularly Cooperesque jokes and puns to stay in, and was firm that the whole “First of May” tradition remain.

“Oh, yes,” she says, looking delighted, and then quotes herself. “ ‘First of May, first of May — outdoor f***ing starts today. But if as usual it do rain, we f*** off indoors again.’ ”

This ribald rhyme kicks off a massive shagging montage, involving the entire cast. And all outdoors, of course.

But, as any English person knows, outdoor sex is a perilous sport. Perhaps the emotional centrepiece of Rivals is the agonisingly drawn-out attraction between Freddie (Danny Dyer) and Lizzie (Katherine Parkinson), both married to awful people, but who ache for each other in a way that is guaranteed to bring tears to the viewers’ eyes. A scene where they bunk into the first-class carriage of a train to smoke fags and share fruitcake, while timidly flirting with each other, is the Brief Encounter of our time.

And, without wanting to chuck in too many spoilers, when they finally requite their love for each other, it’s one of the all-time great sex scenes. Danny Dyer, it turns out, is exquisite, adorable leading-man material, while Katherine Parkinson “is the new Olivia Colman”, Treadwell-Collins says, firmly. “She will be garlanded with Baftas and Oscars. Honestly. And she wanted to do the sex scene,” he adds. “She was like, ‘I really want to show my boobs. I’m in my mid-forties and they look good.’ In that scene, you can see she’s crying — really crying, with happiness — and it makes you cry too. She looks like a f***ing queen.”

On set, however, the sex scene was not without its problems. Because it was “outdoor f***ing”, in a flower meadow.

“But it was at the height of tick season,” Treadwell-Collins recalls, with a shudder. “Not safe to be in the grass. We didn’t want to get a tick on Danny Dyer’s willy! In the end, we had to get in a load of moss for them to lie on. It’s the first time, to my knowledge, that safe sex has involved moss.”

I can’t tell you what fun it is interviewing all the Rivals people. Because of the show, everyone talks about their memories of the Eighties (David Tennant: “No, my Eighties weren’t like a Jilly Cooper book — I was at school in Paisley with my glasses held together with sticky tape, and a very unappealing haircut”), and smoking (Hassell: “Everyone smoked everywhere, didn’t they? Even on planes. They’d draw across that little … health curtain, and everyone smoked behind it”), and how hard it was to leave Cooper’s world when shooting finished (Hassell: “No one was looking at me like I’m the most sexy man on the planet any more. It was tough.”)

My final interview is with Aidan Turner, who is playing Rivals’ chat show host, Declan O’Hara.

I mean to cast no aspersions on extremely handsome men who spent a decade being a country’s totemic sex god — as Turner was, during his Poldark years — but sex gods are usually quite emotionally damaged, with a form of what might be termed “PTSD” — Post-Totty Stress Disorder. They often make for effortful company. They want to be taken seriously.

In the event, Turner, 41, is an absolute hoot — particularly on the subject of the massive moustache he sports on the show. It is a magnificent specimen of upper-lip pelt. It looks like a vole fell asleep under his nose.

It looks like the one Ned Flanders has on The Simpsons, I tell him.

Turner gives a huge, barking laugh.

“Ned Flanders? I mean, I was thinking more … Irish stag? Super-masculine?”

He starts giggling again.

Turner’s relaxed stance towards his sex god-dom comes with an interestingly meta twist. In Rivals, one of Baddingham’s TV shows is called Four Men Went to Mow — where sexy farmers, sexily stripped to the waist, carry out sexy agricultural duties.

Turner, of course, infamously stripped to the waist a few times in Poldark, for that scything scene or lying in bed or emerging from the sea. In a pleasingly postmodern moment, one scene sees Turner rail against Four Men Went to Mow — raging, almost camply, “TV can’t just be men taking their tops off!”

“Yes, that’s a lovely moment,” Turner says. “When I read the script, I was like, ‘Why have you put this in? It’s too close [to Poldark].’ But then they told me it’s in the original books — and it’s so funny. The first time I did that scene, people were keeling over laughing. It’s good to poke fun at these things.”

As one of the most Eighties stories ever, Rivals takes on some massive subjects: class, Aids, Section 28, sexism, rape, homophobia, Thatcherism, racism. As the Jane Austen of her time, Cooper has a lot of grist for her mill. The dramatic tension never drops.

But this is done hand in hand with the most delicious sense of silliness and fun. There is a single tracking shot of a buffet — the Most Eighties Buffet Ever — and the sheer amount of prawns is deeply hilarious. Prawns are very Eighties — and Rivals knows it.

Rivals knows that when it’s in Rupert Campbell-Black’s house, we will see his cold, posh childhood is perfectly encapsulated by the fact that his walls are covered in formidable oil paintings of his ancestors — but all his photo frames are full of pictures of his dogs.

And Rivals knows exactly when to play Huey Lewis and the News.

“We call it the Cooperverse,” Treadwell-Collins tells me. “It really is the equal of the DC or Marvel worlds. It’s that epic. And those who know about it are equally obsessed.”

I can attest to that. When I first read Rivals, at the age of 13, I decided I wanted to be a character in one of Cooper’s books. Specifically, Declan O’Hara’s youngest daughter: a feisty teenage girl who had dyed red hair, lived in a beautiful, sprawling house called the Priory, and was constantly rebelling against her school.

As a down payment, I first dyed my hair red. And then I decided I would change my name, in her honour. If I couldn’t actually be Declan’s youngest daughter, Caitlin O’Hara, I would stop being Catherine Moran and become Caitlin Moran. As some small promise that, one day, my life would be as fun as that of a Jilly Cooper heroine.

Because, sometimes, you don’t need a story about mythic quests, or wars, or dragons, or murder. You just need a story that promises you: being a grown-up could be exciting.

And that when sex, love, drama, awful men, fabulous bitches, workplace intrigues, swathes of blue eyeshadow and buffets of prawns finally come into your life, you can … poke fun at these things.

You can live in the Cooperverse too.

Rivals is on Disney+ from October 18

#Rivals

[poppetsisters]

Now that my rage over the Doomcasting has simmered down, I just wanna gush over the Fantastic Four comi con stuff.

I'm not joking, when I heard that Michael Giacchino was doing the score, I SCREAMED. Not only is he famous for scoring The Incredibles, but he also did Speed Racer from 2008 which, if you haven't heard that score, it is one of the best scores for any film I've seen.

The period accurate footage is such a treat. I figured Matt Shakman's work on Wandavision was going to be indicative of what the Fantastic Four was gonna look like and yet it looks even better. I was nervous that Shakman's lack of feature film experience was gonna be a detriment, but his decades of work on TV gives him amazing instincts for character dynamics, which is one of the most important assets when making a Fantastic Four movie.

A lot of what we saw is pre-vis and may not actually be in the movie, but the retro-future vibe of the movie is perfect. The fact that MCU Fantastic Four is taking place in its own separate pocket away from all the bullshit really helps me feel excited for this movie. For once, the disconnectedness is something I'm EXCITED about, go figure.

Again, because it's pre-vis, not a whole lot of glimpses at The Thing's rocky form, in fact none of the powers were shown off for understandable reasons. I have no worries that The Thing is going to look good. As bad as Fant4stic was, The Thing looked pretty good in that film. Korg also never looked outright bad to me either, and they're probably gonna put more effort into how he looks anyway. Sue's powers are probably gonna be represented well seeing as invisibility is a really easy power to do VFX for. Fire graphics have come a long way as well, and that concept art makes me thing they may take a very stylised approach to his flame effects. Reed however is the one I'm really worried about. The only time stretch powers looked good was The Incredibles 1 and 2, but those were both stylised 3D animated filma. Live action has a much higher bar to clear with a heavy risk of uncanny valley Pedro Pascal. If you can make that man look bad, then you know you fucked up.

The Fantasticar is nice. We had the Dodge in Rise of Silver Surfer and the Bathtub in Deadpool and Wolverine, and though I like the Silver Surfer one (despite the shameless product placement) I get that they wanted a car that looked like a mid-century man's idea of what a flying car looks like. The only think is that I wish it could split apart into four sections, it doesn't look like it can do that. Oh well.

The spacesuits look good, the colours are exactly what I imagined they'd be on the concept art, but I'm waiting for the proper super suits to be shown off. Hopefully they have less interlocking parts and resemble the slightly thick and comfy spandex we saw in the concept art.

It looks like Pedro is keeping the moustache, which normally I'm not a fan of Reed with facial hair, but I also think it gives Reed a sorta Howard Hughes look that helps him blend in with the aesthetics of the world. The grey around the temples is good though, and it seems like he's also doing a transatlantic accent which frankly is very surprising.

I thought that Ebon wasn't doing an accent until I rewatched him during an interview. He appears to be toning down his natural tendency to draw out his A's and E's. It was only two lines of dialogue so I don't know, but what is very apparent is that he's not going for the outrageous brooklyn accent The Thing is legendary for in the comics, but something a little more subtle and believable.

Vanessa Kirby and Joseph Quinn are both different flavors of British, and though Joseph only says one word, it's pretty clear both are foregoing their natural accents. That said, Vanessa's choice of, what I can only guess is a slight mid-western accent, is very interesting. I was not expecting that choice.

They added a subtitle to the movie. Fantastic 4: First Steps. I think they didn't need to add a subtitle, but since they did. I'll just give it a cursory analysis. I think you can derive FOUR meanings from the title: First Steps calls to mind humanity's first steps on the Moon, fitting for a space age tale. First Steps also feels like a good title for their first adventure. First Steps works metatextually as their first steps into the MCU (which isn't technically true with those two cameos in MoM and D&W), but the most important theory I have for First Steps is in relation to a baby's first steps. I think that Franklin is going to be in this movie as a major plot point. Serving what purpose, I'm not sure.

To finish things off, we only get a look at Galactus through a window, so not much I can comment on in terms of appearance, but I'm very happy that it's an actual dude and not shadows within a cosmic cloud. He looks very imposing and I hope we get more perspective shots like that to sell how big this guy is.

[theclaravoyant]

AN ~ PINING EDDIE YOU SAY??? i wrote a text post and then decided to fic it . (leslie knope voice; i'm big enough to admit i'm often inspired by myself)

for my 911 kiss roulette a kiss out of spite

buddie - (one side of) feelings realisation bonus 118 sticking it to the maneosis also on ao3

-

There's a muffled tirade of spluttering and hollering down below and then - “HAN! PANIKKAR! GET BACK HERE. BUCKLEY!!!!” - and Buck launches himself into the kitchen; in a jumble of laughing limbs with splotches of yellow and pink cornstarch gulal powder as bright as hibiscus splattered all over him. Adrenaline and mischief gleam in his eyes.

“Eddie, Eddie, Eddie-” he beckons. “Come here. Kiss me, quick!”

“What?” Eddie's baffled, but he's already moving, because it's Buck and of course he is. “Operation Holi Festival worked great. Gerrard's like, a millimetre away from admitting defeat. I reckon if we can get him with this he'll go hide in his office for the rest of shift. Or have a rage aneurysm. Either way, we'll be free. Come on, please?”

“I don't know if this is a good idea,” Hen objects, but the stomping footsteps portending the arrival of (a very, very ticked off) Gerrard are already on their way up.

Eddie is already nodding. Because it's Buck, and of course he is.

“Threetwoone, make it count!” Buck cries, and he leaps across the space between them to kiss his best friend with the world's biggest smile on his face.

And at first, Eddie thinks, that's just what he's doing. The more tender and perfect the kiss is, the better it works. For the bit, of course. The way his hands pull Buck's hips toward him like they've been doing this for years, that's just good acting. The way his lips chase Buck's and draw things out, unspeakably desperate for those extra few seconds for reasons he can't yet comprehend, well it's surely because he's just enjoying letting the old bigot stew in it isn't he – never mind the fact that Gerrard could hardly be farther from his thoughts.

No, his thoughts are consumed by Buck, Buck, Buck. Eddie knows more than most what it's like to have his life flash before his eyes and this is a lot like that. It's a grenade blast and a gunshot and a lightning strike and the brightest blue eyes in the entire world. It's the world-rending sound of screaming for him. It's the name scratched into his will. It's the familiar smile and the laughter he knows with his eyes closed; it's running down the footpath; it's making his son smile; it's handmade lasagne steaming with love, and pulling faces, and throwing popcorn, and falling asleep on his couch together. Maybe it's waking up together too, he thinks. Maybe it's forever.

And then it's over.

And Buck's laughing as he pulls away - all but cackling as Gerrard shouts meaningless abuse, neutralised by the rainbow splattered across him; his uniform dunked in orange and purple and bright sky blue, and a well aimed burst of pink tangled all in his moustache. His face is nearly a matching colour of fuchsia as – just as Buck predicted – he storms off to his office to sulk, or fume, or whatever will keep him out of their hair for the moment. An equally gulal-drenched Chim and Ravi join them at last, and Buck is caught up high-fiving and gesturing with them an emphatic group retelling of the story. He doesn't seem to notice that he's struck such a chord. Small mercies, Eddie thinks, since he still hasn't found it in himself to move.

(“What do you want?” Buck had asked him, not too long ago.

And now he knows, it's this, this, this.)

Across the room, Buck takes out his phone and urges Ravi and Chim into the frame for a photo. He's probably sending it to Tommy. Sharing the love.

It feels at once like he's flying and being shot out of the sky.

Hen meets his eyes, pain and sympathy.

“Uh oh,” she murmurs.

He has to agree.

[kaledya]

• Giovanni time🌸

First, Kaledya, how dare you. Combined the fox and the moustache ? Two things I like. A lot. And you just put it here like I could handle it ? Ahah

More seriously, Giovanni design is amazing, his personality seems to be what I like to work with. Little bit insolent, cunning, clever, playful, classy.

Honestly, my reaction when I saw Giovanni, I was just like... *Giovanni takes the part of me that will instantly adore him, dance some kizomba.*

Giovanni *murmurs* :" I know you like to be in control, but not today..." Me : right. Giovanni :" My parent (Kaledya) says that you're a goddess like them. Could you maybe..." Me : yes. Giovanni *continue to dance* : "...give me an entire Ring of Hell where I can be the master and also replace one of the seven deadly sins ?" Me : yes. ...

Wait, what ?!"

That was the reaction ahah. (I'm not exaggerating what do you mean ?)

• More seriously, I made an OC to be his assistant. If you don't like it, of course tell me!

So my OC is named Hürrem. She is a bastard princess of the Goetia. I thought about this character for Giovanni to have access to more that he already can.

Specie : Demon ( quarter-blood Ars Goetia) Feature : parrot sun conure + bunny Gender : female Age : 21

Title : none Family situation : Hürrem is a daughter of the Ars Goetia prince Vassago and a bastard half-blood princess named Parvin.

Mother : Parvin is the illegitimate daughter of King Paimon and a normal bunny Demon. She died by giving birth to the egg of her only daughter Hürrem.

[Fun fact : Parvin is a teen in the 16th century, when the human Hürrem Sultan (Rolexana) was alive and she find her amazing like her own hero and that is why she wanted her daughter to be called Hürrem (means happy/pleasant). Also wanted her to be happy as she never was herself.]

Parvin never had the princess title, and she was the 'pupil' of Paimon and secluded in her own palace.

BACKSTORY : Vassago was born way later and, as a lot of Ars Goetia member unhappy and pressured by the life he was demanded to live. He find Parvin one day and they become the best of friends. But one day, Vassago was already married and unhappy, depressed (he is gay) they kinda make love in a way to make themselves better. And Parvin become pregnant. And its panic.

Parvin put Vassago away from her life (she told him she ruined her but the reality she wanted to protect him from Paimon rage.) Parvin and Vassago stop talking to each other. Parvin died in childbirth of her egg. Paimon is distressed and hide it and he will never know who is the dad. Vassago take the egg and raise his daughter Hürrem giving her everything but anything. No love but education. No title. (Complex relationship)

STORY : as a bastard child, and something very rare amongst Ars Goetia especially with mixed blood in lineage, Hürrem is stuck in nothingness. The Crown Prince Constantine, ask her for an audience one day. He knows she is very observant and have good instinct by always looking others without a sound. He gives her a mission :

With the help of a Hellhound, a detective, named Giovanni (Kaledya OC), she will be his assistant and help him navigate into the places a Hellhound can't go alone without raising suspicions (aristocratic places).

And their mission is very secret : found the Queen Lilith who have disappeared. If she accepts and with Giovanni found the Queen, the Crown Prince promised her to legitimate her as a princess, found her a match and a place in her family (and stop all the rumor and give a kind of pardon to her dad). What she always wanted right ?

And so her adventures start with Giovanni!

Personality : Hürrem is insecure, observant, instinctive, she knows everything there is to know on the Ars Goetia (the facade) and she doesn't know much of the others lives of demons (Succubus, Hellhound, Imps). She gives herself an attitude to not crumble as she has no one to cry with. She is not confident in herself. She dressed more practical than pretty. She is funny when she feels okay, get flustered easily, not very good with face-to-face interactions.

Hürrem is asexual, she is very afraid to die like her mom if she has sexual relationship so she always put a vast distance with sexuality and herself. Otherwise she is actually too romantic for her own good (she lives and breath romcom) !

The idea I got from Giovanni and Hürrem character dynamic is : the detective and his assistant. Hürrem is not particularly commonly clever, she observe, found something and then Giovanni run into the action with the tricks and all. Her area of knowledge is short, but she likes to learn. She is not manipulative at all. Giovanni could be very playful with her ? And help her feel more herself ? And Giovanni could, with time, like her candour? I don't know yet !

Exemple :

*Hürrem reads files about a place they need to go tonight to find a guy that maybe can help them. Giovanni enter the room and just look above her shoulder.*

G : What're you doing, princess ? H : I'm not...! How many times? Anyway. I'm doing our job. G : Hum, really ? And all of this *look at the papers*, is necessary how ? We already know where we're going. H : No we don't... By Lucifer ! You already know all along and you told me to do the search anyway?!

*Giovanni fake a moment of thinking before smiling.*

G : Yeah. My bad. H : I will... *raise her hands at him angrily*

*Giovanni takes her wrists and leans towards her.*

G : Do what exactly ? Shout some birds noises in my soft ears, princess ? H : Stop calling me that ! G *laughing* : Why ? You're so appetising when you're blushing !

*leaves and Hürrem is alone and flustered and annoyed.*

Tell me what you think !

So, the idea of second most trusted man of the Clan of Whispers searching for Lilith is great. It help to tied up different stories together :

Constantine search for Lilith > Lilith is emprisonned somewhere by Roo/Eve > Roo/Eve send Alastor to the Hazbin Hotel > Hazbin Hotel is made by Charlie > Charlie accept Serenity in the redemption  team > Serenity already knows Constantine > Constantine send Giovanni and Hürrem find Lilith >

Full circle ! Boom !

So now that I talk about Hürrem, I need to ask questions about Giovanni. I need details. Everything. So I'm sorry, I will ask :

  - I know he is a Hellhound, but what is he ? A dog ? A fox ? A wolf ? A husky ?   - What is his type ?   - What is his situation ? (Single, divorced, married, ménage à trois, I don't know)   - What made him choose to be in the Clan of Whispers ? (Was he an orphan like the others or its another type of story) and was he always a detective?   - Should Hürrem be taller or smaller than him ? Or same height ?   - Is he okay ? (Mentally)   - Does he likes nightclubs/nightlife ?   - He lives in the Pride Ring or a different Ring ? What's his favorite Ring ?   - Does he have a house or an apartment ? Or doesn't he sleep on whatever sofa in the quarters of the Clan's place ?   - What's the relationship with Serenity ?   -  Can he fight ? If yes with what ?

In fonction of how you answers the questions about Giovanni, it will help me to finish up Hürrem development and knows how her story will end. So thanks in advance! And I'm sorry, I don't usually ask questions, i hope its okay.

Have a nice day 🌸🌸

Hahahah but let's be honest now, mustache suits fox characters very well.A thin mustache provides complete perfection to that cunning. 🤌And I'm really glad you liked the design!!

Since it is a somewhat sketchy design, I plan to draw him in more detail in the future.

His personality is exactly as you described! You nailed it 10/10!!

AND LMAO It was so much fun reading the little dialogues you wrote!

G:So, you are a god, dear, considering your beauty,I would have to be a blind hellhound not to guess it.

M:Yes.

HA! Can you give me the 7 rings of hell?

M Consider it done. Is there anything else you want?

G:Don't worry I am kidding darli-. Wait seriously?? Are you serious????

M: YES.🗿

LMAO

--

Didn't like?? I LOVED HÜRREM SO MUCH THANKS FOR CREATING HER!!

And first of all, I would like to mention a few funny coincidences.

First of all, Hürrem being half rabbit

After making Giovanni in your previous answer, I was going to make a joke about how it would be funny if the other OC who would be his partner did have rabbit features or a rabbit demon.Then I gave up.

Becouse of that I really laughed and was surprised when I learned that Hürrem was half rabbit.(sometimes it feels like we share the same brain cell)

Because when you mentioned creating Detective OC in your previous message, I immediately thought of Nick and Judy.I created Giovanni with inspiration from Nick.So in short, it was a fun coincidence.

2. Hürrem's name.

As far as I know, Hürrem is a Turkish, or rather Persian, name. In the Ottoman Empire, there was also a famous sultan called Hürrem Sultan.I don't even know if you know, but there was a TV series called (Muhteşem yüzyıl) which used to be very popular in Turkey. And I guess Hürrem Sultan one of The most popular characters in that series.

(I think the series was a kind of history + palace drama. I haven't watched it, but it's a series I've heard a lot about)

Long story short, I'm seriously surprised that you used the name Hürrem your OC.

While creating Giovanni, I was going to give him a Turkish name at first, but since I couldn't find a good name, I named him Giovanni (I don't know why, I thought it fit his Fox look very well).

(Since Olcayto's name is Turkish, I wanted to include him as well)

Anyway, unnecessary details, sorry! I just really like your choice of name!

---

I really loved the background of Hürrem's parents. It's also really interesting that Vassago is her father.ve I really loved Parvin's past and story. It was very sad that she received treatment she did not deserve and then died at birth.I also loved the reason why Parvin named her Hürrem!

And I also liked that Vassago and Hürrem had a complex relationship. But I finds it very sad that she grew up not receiving any love from her father and was ostracized from other nobles probably because she was a bastard.The thing a child needs most at that age will be love.

I also noticed something. In SSAU Paimon is also a fallen angel . Does this mean that Parvin has angel blood in her veins? Or isn't Paimon a fallen angel in AA?

--

I really like the reason why Constantine chose Hürrem.

As a result, there are places where Giovanni will draw attention as he travels as a hellhound, and the places where nobles live who see hellhounds as dogs (a group of servants) are among them.

Here, Hürrem both ensures Giovanni's access to these areas and ensures that he attracts less attention.

And Hürrem has characteristics that most Goetias do not have, she is not spoiled, she is not a bad person, she is not someone who is distracted by wealth or level.A young girl who just wants to escape from her situation.

So the best choice for Constantine

After all, she is someone who has nothing to lose but everything to gain, and Constantine is the only one who can remove the "Bastard" mark on her as the crown prince and the person currently sitting on the hell's throne.

--

I really liked Hürrem's personality. She's seriously connected to her past seriously logical. and I already love her! It is very fun to read such character types.Also, characters like this are usually the ones with the best character development.

Also, I really loved how she knew everything about Goetia but didn't know anything about other races!

It can be said that she and Giovanni complement each other here.Because Giovanni is someone who doesn't like or even hates the nobles, he only knows bad things about Goetia, nothing else.And unlike Hürrem, Giovanni's professional field is non-noble races.

So I think there will be a really nice dynamic in their research.They both show each other worlds they don't know.

Maybe even when they took a break somewhere, Giovanni took Hürrem to a nearby Clan Mansion. And the hellhounds there are really friendly and good to Hürrem, they don't exclude her just because of the stamp on her head.

H:Why are they being nice to me?

G:Why wouldn't they? My dear, did you commit a crime that I don't know about?

H:NO?!??

G: Then you don't need to worry.

H:I don't know... Look, I'm sorry, I'm just not used to this kind of treatment. People around me usually -

G: Do they ignore you because you're a bastard? Do they look at you like garbage?

My dear, I am a Bastard, everyone here is a bastard or an orphan. Do you think anyone will care that your parents brought you to hell before they got married? This is something those arrogant nobles use, not the hellhounds here. Just be a good and honest person and you will be accepted here.

G:In the end, you know what they say, bastards must stay together

H: Seriously, I'm 70 percent sure there is no such word like that

But.... thank you Giovanni I mean it.

G: Always fluffy feathers. I'm going to go get some more drinks and you go socialize. If you want, there should be a kindergarden around here, you can spend time with the cubs too

*As Giovanni walked away, Hürrem looked at him with a smile, then turned around and went to where the other hellhounds were.*

(Normally, most Hellhounds do not like nobles or are prejudiced, but since Hürrem is someone invited by Giovanni, the clan prefers not to take action against her. After all, they trust 3rd Clan leader decision completely.)

----

I think it makes a lot of sense for her to be asexual.After all, the fear of death during birth is a very natural thing. Throughout history, many women have died this way.

It really was a choice that fits the character very well.And it's so sweet that he's a romcom and romance lover.

And something came to my mind, imagine that hell has its own ao3 and people write fanfics about that Overlords or TV series they ship lmao

And Serenity has such a situation too. As a doctor, she assisted in many births and saw many deaths.As someone who hates pain, pregnancy or birth is something that really scares her.

---

YES THE DYNAMICS AND RELATIONSHIPS ARE EXACTLY AS YOU DESCRIBE That's exactly what I thought, it's so fun to read this kind of detective dynamics.

And it was so fun to read the dialogues you wrote, their dynamics would be exactly like this.Giovanni would probably act like this whenever he got the chance.You captured their dynamics perfectly.

And it's really fun to read Hürrem's reactions.I think her reactions are really cute You really created a beautiful character!

--

Yes, it was really great how everything came together in a circle!

---

Sir, do not hesitate, you can ask any question you want!

-He's a cross between a fox and a husky. But mostly fox features are much more dominant.

-He loves confident, honest, strong women.(Emotionally)

In other words, he generally likes sincere,good people who have no ego, and he also likes people who He loves women who can overcome difficulties to achieve what they want.

He doesn't have much of a preference in terms of appearance.

-he is Single

-He was an orphan.His family had neither the money nor the mental health to care for him, so they threw him out on the street to survive on his own.And he did this on his own for a while, he was scamming people really well, he was deceiving people by organizing other orphans and robbing them.Sometimes he made money by giving advice to people.

But one day, one of the men he defrauded decided to go back and find them.Giovanni had a team of puppies around his own age. But No matter what they did, they couldn't come up with anything that could defeat that group of adults.It was Giovannin's fault that the men found them; after all the successful work he had done over time, his ego had really increased and he was behaving irrationally.And this caused his friends and himself to be beaten to death.

Fortunately, Serenity, who was passing by ,before the men killed Giovanni, saw this incident and saved Giovanni.she ordered the other wolves with her to bury the bodies of the children in the flower garden in the her main mansion.

Giovanni was unconscious for a while, then when he woke up, Serenity told him what happened and gave him two options.He could either join the clan, become powerful, and serve the clan. Or Serenity would only care for him until he became an adult, and when he became an adult, he would move on with his own life.(Here the two options actually is The same. The cubs who chose the second option changed their minds over time and joined the clan.)

Giovanni asks for time to think, then says he wants to join the clan.

At this time Giovanni was 12 years old.

The reason why Giovanni wants to join the clan is because he has lived on the streets for all of his life and always wanted a warm home and people he could trust.And he was also tired of being a weak child, tired of risking his life for a few pennies to eat on the streets.He wanted to be respected and be strong to protect the people he cared about.The only way to do this was to join the Clan.The Clan was a place that would provide him with everything he wanted, and all he had to do was use his talents for what was left.

-I think, considering their dynamics, it would be better for Hürrem to be shorter than Giovanni.

- Wellll, he can't be called the sanest person, but he has a good mentality.

-He loves, he has a personality that really loves parties and women. (His personality is kind of like Tony Stark)So I think he'll have a history with nightclubs.

-His Main House in Pride (he has her own section in COW's Main Mansion) But if he want, he have places to stay in other rings. COW provides homes and secret safe accommodation for Hellhounds located in those rings.

-His Favorite Ring is Lust or Gluttony.

-There are teacher-student relationships. Serenity is the one who raised him and taught him everything he knows.The person who gave him a family and people to trust In addition, she was the one who recognized his detective potential and enabled him to receive training on that subject.Giovanni really respects her a lot, he is 25 years old now and has known her for almost 10 years.

Giovanni trusts Serenity's orders completely, and as someone who questions everything, he has never questioned her decisions even once. He sees her as a really smart person, she is kind of his role model.

-Has pistols and a commando knife + claws and teeth

He's a really great gunsmith, he's really an expert in using weapons. As a plus he wears the luck charm that Serenity gave him, which allows him to always roll 20 on his dice when shooting.or Or rather, it gives +20 to his luck rolls.

And you don't have to apologize!! I really love answering questions. If you have a question in your mind, feel free to ask!I seriously have so much fun answering questions.

Also, thank you for writing, it's a lot of fun to read and write.And I already love this duo so much, I can't wait to see them!

Have a great day 🫂❤️❤️❤️

[eirinstiva]

"I had no man."

The second part of "The Rest Cure" arrived today, and because this is one of my favourite stories of the Rafflesian Canon (?), it's harder than usual to comment because [heavy breathing].

What with his flourishing beard and the increasing shabbiness of the only suit he had brought with him to the house, there was no denying that Raffles had now the advantage of a permanent disguise.

This is the start of Bunny's revenge, and this time Manders left the idea mature all the night. This is not something that he's doing on impulse, this is Bunny showing his own criminal ability.

She was a tall woman; I was not too tall a man. Like Raffles, I had not shaved on Campden Hill. That morning, however, I did my best with a very fair razor which the colonel had left behind in my room; then I turned out the lady's wardrobe and the cardboard boxes, and took my choice.

Bunny knows that he's short, he can't grow a proper moustache and beard, and maybe he needed a haircut soon. He used all of this as resources to his disguise. Bunny used makeup, curled his hair and dressed with almost all the necessary (I'm sure the shoes like the gloves didn't fit him) to get what he wanted:

My idea was first to give him the fright he deserved, and secondly to show him that I was quite as fit to move abroad as he.

But Murphy's Law strikes! And the drama starts.

I had no man. I was alone, had broken in alone. There was not a soul in the affair (much less the house) except myself. So much I stuttered out in tones too hoarse to betray me on the spot. 

Who can save this poor lady Bunny in distress? Raffles! He got hurt but at least they kepy everything controlled.

It was Raffles at his worst, Raffles as I never knew him before or after—a Raffles mad with pain and rage, and desperate as any other criminal in the land. Yet he had struck no brutal blow, he had uttered no disgraceful taunt, and probably not inflicted a tithe of the pain he had himself to bear. 

I would love to see Bunny and Raffles running away while keeping their disguises just like ACD's story The Man with the Watches. At least in this story nobody dies.

This is the one of the most queer moments of Raffles and Bunny's stories with them sharing a house like a couple and Bunny dressed as a woman. Sometimes I think that Manders is too comfortable with this costume except for the clothes being not appropiate for the season and my bi-fi screams "genderqueer" and "non binary". Also this reminds me of Sherlock Holmes dressing as a woman in The Mazarin Stone, so this feels like Bunny left for a moment his Boswell role and become the protagonist.

I was thinking that Raffles getting so dangerous when Bunny or Faustina are in danger reminds me of saiyans leveling up and unlocking new powers.

By the way, I want to read this reference cited on Wikipedia: Yue, Isaac (2015). Translating Culture: Late-Victorian Literature into Chinese. London: National Taiwan University Press. pp. 19–36. ISBN 978-986-350-070-4.

Hong Kong University Professor Isaac Yue has noted that some elements of "The Rest Cure" hint at a homosexual relationship between Raffles and Bunny. For example, Bunny shows a strong desire for Raffles's attention, while there is no female character diverting Bunny's attention. Moreover, the contrast between Bunny's female dress and Raffles's long beard suggests that Bunny is characterized in the role of the female and Raffles is characterized in the role of the male in their relationship.[5] Yue argues that Hornung's portrayal of the relationship between Raffles and Bunny violates the traditional Victorian family values of strict and separate gender roles for men and women.

I'm tempted to write more about this, maybe a fanfic, but English is so hard! See ya~