#he just struggles to reconcile that with his own issues

[tidesreach]

i think some people do not seem to grasp that FEELING abandoned doesn't always mean you ARE being abandoned. like. and buck actually is capable of recognising this. which is why he's like. I WILL HELP EDDIE DO THIS I WILL BE THAT FOR HIM. because rationally part of him does know that it's not about him. because it's not. BUT. knowing this doesn't make it hurt less. doesn't make the abandonment feel any less real. it's such a hard thing to explain i am realising as i type this. because like. two things feel true at once. two opposing things. 1) i feel like i am being abandoned and left and that this is about ME and once again proves i am not good enough and 2) but i KNOW this is not about me and this isn't about them leaving me so why do i still feel like this. and it's a really fucking frustrating warring duo of feelings that often feel impossible to reconcile. because the KNOWING doesn't cancel out the FEELING. it just makes you feel stupid and terrible for feeling like that. and that's on abandonment issues i guess. phew.

[improbable-outset]

📄 𝐅𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐅𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲

Kenji Sato x Fem!Reader

𝐀𝐎𝟑 | 𝐌𝐲 𝐖𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐬 | 𝐔𝐥𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 6.8k (barely proof read </3)

𝐓𝐖 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐂𝐖: Wife and Pregnant!Reader, angst…like heavy angst, family issues (Kenji’s daddy issues, shocker), emotional breakdown, crying, Reader has a small accident (she’s in her third trimester), somewhat satisfying ending….

𝐀/𝐍: *grabs your shirt and looks at you dead in the eye* girl, if you knew how much I busted my ass for this fic—

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: While Kenji grapples with the pressure of becoming a father, he receives an unexpected invite from his own.

Kenji sat still on the couch with the latest images of the ultrasound staring back at him in his hands. His finger traced over the picture, lingering on the tiny form of the baby.

Despite the due date being a couple of months away, he still couldn’t fully grasp the reality of soon becoming a father. Each kick and shift he would feel from your growing stomach was a reminder of the new life that would soon be dependent on him.

He felt a series of emotions— anticipation, a hint of anxiety, but most of all, excitement. Kenji’s mind wandered to the future, imagining the day when he would hold his baby for the first time.

For a long time, he had always adopted the ‘cross the bridge when I get there’ mindset, never fully prepared for the far future. But the moment you told him you were pregnant, his fatherly instincts already took over his mind— it had been a messy journey for the both of you, adjusting to this new chapter in your marriage.

You, sensing his preoccupation, gave him a look; a signal he had come to recognise as a precursor to important news.

But, that was only the beginning. A boulder dropped in a pail of stagnant water, creating ripples that disrupted the quiet flow of your lives

“Don’t be mad,” you said cautiously. Kenji felt skeptical about what you were going to say— his eyes scanned your face, trying to gauge what was coming.

“What did you do?” he said slowly. Usually, when you would say this, it would be something minor, like misplacing his best baseball bat or rearranging his meticulously organised items. Anything that was easily fixable.

But what you said next felt like the rug had been pulled out from beneath him.

“I invited your dad over.”

He froze in his seat. For a moment, he didn’t say anything as he struggled to process your words.

His dad? Coming over?

Nothing could have prepared him for that. He hadn’t spoken to that man in years, and now, all of a sudden he wanted to come over. What was his motivation?

“Why did you invite him?” he asked, trying to conceal his frustration.

“He tried to call through Mina. I couldn’t ignore him.”

Kenji swallowed thickly, clenching his fist slightly “And when exactly is he coming?”

“Tonight.”

Kenji just pinched the bridge of his nose, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. There was no point wasting time arguing, especially when his father was due in a few hours. “Yeah, okay, fine. He can come over, I guess,”

“Are you mad?” You asked. His expression softened. He could never be mad at you. He knew this day would come eventually. He just didn’t expect it to be now, with a baby on the way. Maybe that was why his father wanted to come over.

“No, no. I’m not mad.” He cradled your face reassuringly. “Just a little annoyed, but I’ll be fine. He can come. I’ll greet him and then I’ll stay in our room until he leaves.”

Your face dropped in disappointment. “What?”

“Exactly as I said.” Kenji didn’t know what you were expecting from this. For him to reconcile with his father after years of silence? What a joke. “I’m not gonna sit with that guy for hours while he’s here.”

“That’s not how I imagined things would go.” Your face fell further, giving him a sullen look, hoping to coax him into changing his perspective.

“What did you expect me to do? Sit there for hours and make small talk?” Kenji scoffed. “Do you know how long it’s been since I last talked to him?”

He felt he was already being courteous by allowing his father inside. That was more than enough. He didn’t owe him anything else.

“He might help you with being a dad and give you some advice.”

Kenji almost laughed at that. Oh, the irony. His father was the last person to give him parenting advice. “No. I don’t need his advice. I can figure this out on my own. Don’t you understand?”

The rest of the day flew by, and the evening rolled in quicker than Kenji anticipated. Each hour that passed knotted the tension in his chest, making it harder to breathe properly.

Soon, there was an alert of a visitor outside the Ultrabase. Kenji let out a tired sigh, “I’ll…I’ll answer it.”

He rose from the bed and padded his way to the front door. His mind was a mess, and he didn’t know what to expect. He took a few deep breaths to calm his erratic heart before finally opening the door.

Kenji’s mood immediately soured when he finally made eye contact with his father. Seeing him for the first time in years sent an icy feeling through him.

“Dad…” he greeted, keeping his voice controlled.

“Kenji…it’s been a while, son.” Hayao said cautiously. Kenji towered over his father’s frame, noticing the crutches beside him. Despite the height difference, Hayao seemed smaller and more vulnerable with his old age

If the situation were different, Kenji would have only opened the door enough to fit his head out, blocking his father’s view of the inside. In fact, he might have not answered the door at all. He wouldn’t have allowed him access back into life. To keep that chasm between father and son.

But he knew that you were expecting him, so he opened the door wider and stood to the side to make room. “I suppose you should come in.”

Just as expected, you were standing beside him, waiting patiently to finally meet the unsolicited guest.

“Professor Sato.” You gave your warmest smile.

Hayao turned his attention to you as he stepped further into your house. This was the first time you saw each other face to face since he hadn’t attended the wedding. If only the situation didn’t feel so stiff, Kenji would’ve been thrilled for you to meet his dad.

He watched his father’s gaze shift to your growing belly as you rested your hands on it. Kenji’s protective instinct flared.

“Ah, hello dear. I must say, you are positively glowing.” Hayao complimented.

“I’m sorry for the short invite.”

“Oh no, it’s alright. I can tell I’ve come unannounced…but the sooner I see my grandchild, the better.”

His grandchild? The possessive pronoun left a bitter taste in Kenji’s mouth. It stung that his father was now trying to insert himself into their lives.

“Just a few months to go,” you said, trying to maintain a calm tone. Hayao reached over to place his hand on your bump. Kenji’s first instinct was to swat his hand away and tell him not to touch his wife.

But he held himself back, and allowed you to handle the situation. You didn’t pull away and let Hayao feel the baby’s movements.

“And how is the baby doing? Kicking a lot…I assume?” Hayao asked.

“Yeah, they’re very active,” you replied with a light laugh.

“Ah, I can imagine the little one must be feisty.”

Kenji stood off to the side, silently observing the interaction. He hadn’t moved an inch from the doorway as his dad interacted with you so casually.

His face morphed into a bitter rage, not understanding why his father was acting so excited and caring about your child. They hadn’t spoken in years, and yet here he was, acting as if nothing had happened.

He was probably only doing it to avoid causing an uncomfortable scene in front of you, much to Kenji’s relief. The last thing he wanted was to drag you into his family issues.

Hayao spoke again, completely oblivious to Kenji’s inner turmoil, “Any idea on the sex yet?”

You shook your head, still holding your excited expression. You didn’t have anyone to share the news with, so Kenji couldn’t blame you for your giddiness. “We wanted to keep it a surprise.”

Kenji clenched his jaw. He didn’t like the way Hayao was observing your growing belly. “You know, you remind me of my wife when she was pregnant. She always had a glow, even at the last phase.”

Kenji felt like he had just been dunked in a tub of ice. It hadn’t even been a minute, and already his father is bringing up his mother. But what his father said next did not sit right with him.

“I have some experience in the field of pregnancy. Some challenges might come up. But don’t worry, I’m here to help any way I can.”

No thanks.

“Thank you.” You said, your gratitude seemed genuine. “Uhm, do you want to take a seat? I’ll bring some tea,”

“Yes, thank you, dear.” Hayao smiled and sat down on one of the couches, making himself comfortable. His eyes flickered back at Kenji who hadn't said a word yet. “Actually, do you mind if I speak with Kenji for a few minutes in private?”

“Of course. I’ll get the tea ready,” you left before disappearing in the kitchen, leaving Kenji alone with his father.

The floor felt like hot coal. So much for escaping his dad’s presence in the bedroom. Hayao waited until you were out of sight before he turned to face Kenji.

“I’m glad you didn’t walk out the second I showed up. Your wife is very kind…” He paused, waiting to see if Kenji would say anything. He gave no response, so Hayao asked, “Can we talk? Just the two of us?”

“What do you want to talk about, Dad?”

“I want to talk about us. You and I. We’ve been…distant for a long time,”

That was putting it lightly, but Kenji held his tongue. His father was probably already aware of that.

“Dad…it’s been twenty years. Twenty years of you suddenly becoming distant from us. You never were around when Mom and I needed you,”

Twenty years. To his father, it might seem like just a fraction of his life, given his old age— a couple of decades.

But to Kenji, those two decades were everything. It was enough time for him to nearly erase his father from his thoughts entirely.

“I know it’s been a long time, but I’m here now, trying to make amends and make up for lost time.”

“Amends? You can’t just show up and expect everything to be fine, Dad. Do you think you can mend everything with just some apologies and small talk?”

“I know it won't fix everything. But I want to be a part of your life again, especially now with my grandchild on the way,”

“So that’s what it’s about? You’re only here because of the baby. Where were you when I was growing up? Why did you stay in Japan and leave me and Mom in America?”

“I always thought about you, Kenji. Always keep an eye on you from afar.” Hayao said gently. “But I admit, the thought of becoming a grandparent has made me realise the importance…the importance of family.”

If he kept an eye on him from afar, why couldn’t he be there in person? Why wasn’t he l there face-to-face, especially when it mattered most? Why wait twenty years?

Hayao continued. “I want to make it up to you, be there for you and for your child.”

Kenji stayed silent after that. The conversation wasn't going anywhere, and there were many unresolved issues that needed to be addressed if any real progress was to be made.

His mind was conflicted with his warring thoughts. One one hand, there was a lingering fear about letting his father in which will lead to further disappointment and pain.

On the other hand, despite harboring a deep resentment towards his father, there was a small part of him that hoped that this might be a chance to heal old wounds.

“Kenji! Can you help me with the tea please?” Your voice tore through the suspension in the room, making Kenji’s suffocation disappear.

“Yeah, coming,” he called back, casting one last glance at his father before heading to the kitchen, leaving the tension in the living room behind.

Kenji found you attending the water on the stove with a teapot and three mugs on a tray. Being in the kitchen with you, away from his father felt like a breath of fresh air— the tension in his shoulders ebbed away, replaced by the comforting normalcy of being alone with you.

“Soo…how’s it going?” you asked, turning to look at him.

“It’s…going I guess.” Kenji sighed deeply. “Talking to my dad is harder than I thought it would be.” He hadn’t fully grasped how many old wounds will be torn open just from his father's presence alone.

“Kenji.” Your voice softened. Kenji's gaze fixated on the hand that was resting on his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heart.

He brought his hand to hold yours as if anchoring himself. “Yeah…?”

“I know it’s tough, especially with your mom not being around anymore. And I know I don’t know the full story of your childhood and your pain…but he’s the only family we have.”

“Yeah, I know but it’s not easy. It’s hard to trust him when he hasn't been around for twenty years.”

“Do you think you could give him a chance?” You paused for a moment before you added, “If not for yourself, then at least for the baby. I really want them to know their grandparents,” you pleaded, your voice laced with hope.

Kenji closed his eyes as he processed your words. The thought of rebuilding a relationship with his father seems like an insurmountable task, a risk he wasn’t sure he could take.

But, he knew how important this was for you, especially with your parents not around anymore. You wanted the baby to have a connection with their family, which also meant including everyone.

He opened his eyes to see you looking back up at him, waiting patiently for his response. It took a few seconds for him to trust himself to answer, “I…I’ll try, for you and the baby. But honestly, no promises.”

“That’s all I want to hear.” you said, your smile warm and comforting, “I love you…”

Kenji’s heart soared at that, and he wrapped his arms around your waist to pull you closer. “I love you too.”

You leaned closer until your lips captured his. Kenji felt his world stop the moment he felt your lips. He tilted his head to deepen the kiss.

After a moment, he pulled his lips away but he still held you close, resting his forehead on yours. A hint of a smile tugged on his lips but his voice didn’t hide the vulnerability he was feeling, “I’ll try and hear him out, but I know it’s not gonna be a walk in the park.”

There was so much more he wanted to say, but he kept it to himself, instead turning his attention to helping you in the kitchen. He took over brewing the tea, carefully pouring it into the teapot. He made sure not to accidentally jostle you while he set up the tray.

“Thanks for being patient with me, and for understanding. I know I can be a pain in the ass sometimes.” Kenji murmured, his voice carrying his gratitude.

“Thank you for not being mad at me for answering his call,” you replied. You were trying to be lighthearted, but he could sense the underlying concern— there was no doubt that you were anxious about how he’d react to the news about his dad

“How can I be mad at you for that? I know you meant well. You just want what’s best for our family.”

“He kept calling, I couldn’t ignore him.”

“I know, you’re too kind for your own good sometimes, you know that.” He smiled, leaning in to kiss your cheek. “But seriously, you gotta stop answering unknown calls. Never know who’s on the other line.”

You laughed softly before placing the teapot on the tray. “Do you think I should make anything else?”

Kenji glanced back at the tray with the mugs and the teapot. “Nah, I think what you’ve got is plenty. The old man probably had enough caffeine today anyways.”

“Do you want me to go with you this time?”

Kenji nodded. He knew that having you there with him would make the conversation with his dad easier, especially when he felt on edge. “Yeah, let’s go. And if it gets too much, just squeeze my hand, okay?

Carrying the tray, Kenji felt his nerves calming as you walked beside him. Your quiet support was a steady force, and with your presence, he felt ready to face whatever conversation awaited in the living room.

He matched his steps to yours, moving slowly and carefully so you wouldn’t fall behind. The moment you stepped into the living room, Hayao straightened up, glancing back at your growing belly— which didn't escape Kenji’s notice.

He set the tray down on the table and took a seat on the couch, deliberately keeping his distance from his father.

“I hope green tea is okay for you,” you said, pouring the tea into Hayao’s cup before filling the other two mugs for yourself and Kenji.

Hayao nodded politely, steam curling from the rim as he picked up the cup with the freshly brewed tea. “Yes, thank you. Green tea is fine, I appreciate your hospitality,”

Kenji took his cup and leaned back against the couch, watching the exchange between you and his father. He was grateful the conversation wasn’t circling back to him. Right now, he needed a break from the emotional push and pull.

He kept his expression guarded, making no attempt to interrupt or intervene between the two of you, though he couldn’t ignore the swirl of conflicted emotions simmering beneath the surface.

“So…I hope you don’t mind me being here now,” you said sheepishly.

“No it’s not a bother. This tea is lovely, by the way. Thank you.”

“Of course. It’s all homemade,”

“Ah, that explains why it’s good. My son is very lucky indeed,” Hayao said. Kenji could pick up on the hesitation in his father’s voice, as if he was carefully choosing each word, trying to not overstep.

But the simple topic of your homemade tea seemed to have thawed some of the ice. Hayao took another sip from his cup, his eyes on you as you continued the small talk.

“How are you feeling, though? I imagine pregnancy isn’t easy on the body,”

“Well…I would be a mess without Kenji.” You admitted, taking his hand and lacing your fingers with his. Kenji’s heart throbbed at the gesture.

The ice melted further.

He felt you squeeze his hands softly, a silent nudge to encourage him to join the conversation. He steeled himself before he found his voice. “She’s just being modest. She’s been braving through morning sickness, swollen feet, and all the cravings like a champion,”

“That does sound like a journey. You have a strong woman there, Kenji.”

“Yeah, I know, and I’m grateful everyday.” The pride in his voice was palpable, filling the space between them. Even Hayao could feel it from where he was sitting.

“I can see that. Your mother would be very proud to see the man you’ve become.”

And just like that, the ice quickly solidified again.

The words struck Kenji like a blow, his grip tightening around his mug. The pressure in his chest increased as the mention of his mother stirred memories he wasn’t ready to confront.

He swallowed hard, forcing himself to keep his voice controlled. “Dad…don’t,” he managed, his tone a mixture of warning and plea.

Hayao noticed the shift immediately, but he didn’t backpedal from the subject. There was a hint of remorse in his eyes, with his voice gentle but firm. “I know it’s a sensitive topic, Kenji. But I meant what I said. She would be proud of the family you’re building right now.”

He couldn’t deny the truth in his dads words, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. The pain was still raw. The topic was still too heavy for him to fully address at the moment.

“I…I need some air,” he muttered, rising abruptly from the couch. The connection between your hands broke, leaving your fingers grasping at empty space.

“Kenji…” you called after him, your voice laced with concern. Your hand looked empty without his. Kenji quickly teared his gaze away.

“I need a moment. I’ll be back,” the words came out more rushed than intended.

A hint of guilt tugged in his heart as he left without another word. He pushed past the door with the cool night air slapped against his face. The door closed behind him with a solid thud, the sound echoing in the sudden silence he left behind.

Kenji slumped onto one of the cold stone benches in the courtyard, dropping his head in his palms. As much as he hated to admit it, he really wished his mother was here right now. She would know exactly what to say, how to untangle the knot of emotions tightening in his chest.

Since the day of her disappearance, it felt like a piece of him had been ripped away, leaving a gaping void that nothing could fill. His entire world had darkened, but he forced himself to continue living, driven by a demanding career that wouldn’t allow him to pause, even when his heart was breaking.

And then things got more complicated. He had been thrusted back into Japan, not by choice but by obligation, to take up his father’s mantle as Ultraman. It was a role he never asked for, a burden he wasn’t ready to carry, especially not with the unresolved pain of his mother’s absence still weighing down on him.

But then he met you.

For the first time, he allowed himself to be swept away by someone who truly saw him, not just the hero or the star baseball player he was expected to be. You didn’t realise it, but you had a way of pulling him back from the edge. He wished he could tell you how much that meant to him, but he was never good at expressing it.

Now, with a child on the way— his child, who you were carrying and nurturing— he felt more helpless than ever. How could a baby rely on him when he couldn’t even keep his own emotions in check? How could he be a father when he crumbled at the mere mention of his mother?

The soft sound of the door opening could be heard from behind, but Kenji didn’t bother to look up. He knew it was you. His father wouldn’t be so thoughtless as to follow him after what had just happened.

“Kenji?” you called out softly, your footsteps growing closer. Kenji didn’t respond, his face still buried in his palm.

“Oh, Ken…” you teased gently, trying to lighten the mood. Kenji let out a weary sigh but didn’t look up.

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be with Dad?” His voice came out rough, his irritation from earlier still simmering.

You sat down beside him, the bench cool beneath you. “No…not with you feeling like this,”

Kenji’s shoulders tensed, still refusing to meet your gaze. He was trembling slightly, trying to keep his emotions at bay.

“I’m fine.” he said through gritted teeth, an obvious contradiction to his current state.

“Not with that tone, you’re not.”

“And so what if I’m not fine? What’s it to you anyways?” He snapped, his voice sharp like a razor blade. He regretted it immediately, hating himself for directing his frustration at you. You didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of his messy relationship with his father.

But you could see right through his bullshit, as always. “Come here.” you coaxed, your voice soft and inviting. Kenji hesitated, his eyes flickered up to yours for the first time. He saw the warmth in your gaze that seemed to glow even under the darkness of the night with your open arms waiting to embrace him.

For a moment, his stubbornness kept him rooted in place, his pride demanding to stay strong, stay distant. But the comfort you offered was too tempting.

He turned his gaze away. “Why should I?”

“Let me hold you.” you whispered, arms still open for him.

Kenji looked back at you again, feeling his resolve weaken. He knew he couldn’t resist you— not when you were offering him the solace he desperately craved. He’d be a fool to reject it. With a heavy sigh, he gave in.

“Fine…” he shifted himself closer until he was in your embrace. He rested his head against your chest, his body relaxed as your warmth surrounded him.

The soft curve of your pregnancy bump nestled between the two of you, a reminder of the life brewing inside of you.

“Oh Kenji…” you murmured, gently stroking his face as he nuzzled into your neck. The rhythm of your heartbeat and the presence of the baby’s bump had a grounding effect on him. You felt like home— everything he needed right now.

The remorse from his earlier harsh tone towards you, combined with the aching absence of his mother, came crashing down. It was enough to shatter his pride as he leaned into your touch.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, his voice quivering with emotion.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” you rubbed his back, soothing his frying nerves.

He didn’t realise how stiff his body was until he finally allowed him to relax in your embrace. It was rare for him to be this vulnerable, but being held like this in your arms, it was easy to let his guard down.

All the pent up pain and suffering he’d been carrying for years finally found release through his tears. He let out a soft sob against your neck, the fabric of your shirt growing damp.

After a long, quiet moment, you spoke again, “This is going to be more complicated than I imagined.”

“It’s all so complicated,” he echoed.

“I know…do you think we can resolve things before the baby arrives?”

“I..I don’t think I can fix everything…not with all that’s happening. But I don’t want our child to grow up in a house filled with tension.” Kenji admitted slowly.

“Me neither,” you agreed, the shared concern binding you closer.

“I’ll try. I’ll try to fix things. But I don’t even know where to start…it’s been too long…” his voice wavered with the remnant of his sobs. Yet, for once, he didn’t feel embarrassed about it this time. The weight of responsibility to make things right for the baby was daunting.

You pressed a kiss to his forehead, filling him with a sense of reassurance. “We don’t have to fix everything tonight.”

“…you’re right.”

“But maybe we can at least end things on a civil note.”

Kenji nodded mutely, still feeling the residue of his tears but more at peace with his emotions now.

He pulled away from you and wiped his face with the back of his hands, smearing the last of his tears away.

“Are you okay with going back inside, or do you need more time?” You asked gently.

Kenji took a few steady breaths, his crying fully subsided. He met your gaze, then glanced back at the house, a newfound sense of resignation washing over him. “I’m okay…let’s head back,”

“Okay….We don’t want to keep you dad waiting any longer,”

Kenji stood from his seat and soothed his hair, trying to make himself look a little more presentable. He knew his eyes were probably red, and he might still look a bit disheveled from crying, but he was ready to face what came next.

You both walked back into the living room, hand in hand. Hayao looked up as you returned and sat down, his eyes briefly flickering over Kenji’s appearance.

Kenji was grateful his father didn’t comment on his puffy eyes.

“Sorry for the wait,” you said apologetically.

Hayao shook his head, a weary smile on his lips. “No need to apologise, dear. It needed to happen.”

Silence settled over the room for a moment. Kenji’s muscles were still rigid and his fingers subconsciously gripped your hand a little tighter.

Hayao gaze flickered between the two of you. He let out a quiet sigh, his action heavy with regret. “I suppose I should start, hm?”

Kenji nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Both of your gazes bore onto Hayao, waiting for what he was about to say.

“I…I know I haven’t been the best father to you, Kenji. I’ve been hard on you, too focused on Ultraman…I’ve put too much pressure on you and neglected everything else.” Hayao said softly, sadness evident in his eyes.

Kenji felt a jolt of surprise listening to his father. He didn’t let his guard down fully, but hearing his father’s self-awareness stirred something in him. Maybe it was the unexpected acknowledgment of his shortcomings as a parent.

Hayao continued, “Looking back, I realised I've made a lot of mistakes. I’ve been more of a boss than a father,”

Kenji felt the weight of his dads words, his remorse clear in his voice. But Kenji knew that years of tension and resentment couldn’t be fixed with just a few words of apology.

“I…don’t expect forgiveness, of course. I know I can’t turn back time, but I wanted to apologise to both of you.”

Kenji struggled to find the right words until he felt the reassuring grip of your hand, your thumb gently stroking over his knuckles. The small gesture helped calm some of the tension.

Finally, he spoke, his voice slightly strained, “I…I appreciate the apology, Dad. It’s a start.”

The rest of the conversation revolves around the future and the baby, with the interaction feeling more natural. The tension between Kenji and Hayao had eased somewhat.

At one point, Hayao asked about how Kenji planned to juggle his career, fatherhood and his Ultraman duties. Kenji explained that you’d both discussed this early in your marriage and were ready to handle the challenges.

But the conversation was cut short when you let out a sudden hiss from pain. Immediately, Kenji’s full attention was on you on high alert.

“Hey, you okay? What’s wrong?” His voice was calm, but his eyes betrayed his concern. When you didn’t respond right away, his worry deepened.

“Is it the baby kicking?” he asked.

You nodded, struggling to speak through the discomfort.

Kenji placed a hand on your shoulder, his voice soft but steady. “Easy, take a deep breath. The kicks might feel uncomfortable, but it’s a good sign the baby’s healthy.”

“Ah…Ken…ji…” you stuttered, the pain evident in your voice. His brows furrowed with worry, and instinctively rubbed circles over your belly.

“I’m here,” he reassured you. “Do you need anything? Water? Some more pillows?”

He almost forgot about his dad’s presence until he quickly stood from his seat and approached you. His expression was serious, his eyes flickering back to you and you bump.

“I’m going to get you a warm compress. It might help ease some of the discomfort,” Hayao said quickly, his voice still firm.

“Yeah…ah, okay.” You managed.

Hayao nodded and left the room to fetch the warm compress. Kenji stayed beside you, his hand squeezing yours gently. “Just hang in there okay? You’re doing great. We’re almost through the third trimester and it’ll all be worth it.”

“Kenji…”

His heart skipped a beat. “Is the pain getting worse?”

“I feel something wet,”

Kenji froze. You couldn’t possibly mean…? No. He had to ask if he heard that correctly.

“Wet? Are you sweating or…?” He let the rest of the sentence hang in the air. He didn’t want to think about your water breaking now, especially when you still had several weeks until your due date.

“Where’s Hayao?”

Kenji’s stress only deepened further when you didn’t answer his question. “Dad’s still getting the compress…are you sure you’re feeling something wet?”

“Yes.”

“Okay…don’t panic. We’ll figure this out. Do you feel any cramps or contractions?”

You shook your head. But there was still the matter of the wet sensation.

Kenji glanced towards the door, where his dad had disappeared. Whether he liked it or not, he really needed his dad right now— someone with experience, even if their relationship were strained.

He gazed back at you, his hands on your bump. “I think I peed…” you murmured, not meeting his eyes.

Kenji blinked in surprise, then his lips twitched up into a smile. The stress that had been coiled right within him unraveled almost instantly. Relief washed over him, and he felt a sudden urge to laugh at the situation.

It was such a normal, human moment— a reminder that despite the chaos, you were both still two people trying to navigate through this together.

“Oh, thank God. For a second I thought…” He shook his head, still smiling. “It’s okay, don’t worry. It happens sometimes during pregnancy, especially at this stage. Dad will be back with the compress for the kicks, alright? Just hang in there.”

“I feel gross,” you muttered, voice laced with frustration.

Kenji quickly shook his head immediately, his tone gentle and reassuring. “No, don’t say that. These things happen, it’s completely normal. You’re doing an amazing job.”

Just as he finished speaking, Hayao returned swiftly, the warm compress in his hand. “I’m back. What’s happening?”

Kenji’s gaze met his father’s, his expression stayed neutral, “She felt something wet, but she just accidentally peed herself a bit from the baby’s kicking,” Kenji explained. “She’s not experiencing any contractions, though.”

Too embarrassed to look up, you kept your head low, hiding your face behind your hands.

Hayao chuckled softly, his expression warm with understanding. “It’s okay, dear. Nothing to be embarrassed about.” Hayao stepped forward with the compress and settled beside you. He placed the compress over your bump, the warmth seeping through the fabric. “This should help alleviate the kicking, at least a little.”

Kenji watched as your face softened, the tension in your body visibly uncoiling. He smiled tenderly, “See? The compress is working, huh?” You’ll feel better in no time,”

“My clothes are soiled…” you whimpered.

“Don’t worry about that,” Hayao reassured you.“We’ll get you cleaned up once everything’s under control, okay? For now, just focus on resting and letting the compress its job,”

Kenji nodded in agreement, “Once the kicking settles down, we’ll get you cleaned up. A nice shower and a change of fresh, dry clothes will make you feel a lot better,”

Kenji’s mind drifted back to everything that had transpired in the past few minutes— from the moment you both stepped inside the house to now.

He couldn’t shake off the feeling of inadequacy that crept in him as he observed his father handling the situation so seamlessly. Despite his fathers help being a relief, it also stirred some doubt within him: Was he doing enough for you?

The man who has always been distant was now stepping in. Was his father silently judging him?

The mixed emotions were overwhelming. On one hand, Kenji was grateful— he wasn’t alone when caring for you. On the other, it was unsettling to have his father step into the role Kenji had felt it was his to bear.

Could this be a change in their relationship, or was this just a temporary reprieve from the years of coldness?

There was no point in overthinking, Kenji thought to himself. Forcing things to change between them could do more harm than good. For now, it was best to let things evolve on its own.

Once the kicking had subsided and you were feeling more comfortable, Kenji carefully helped you to the bathroom. He waited as you emptied your bladder, then gently guided you into the shower.

After you were dressed in fresh clothes, Kenji led you to the bedroom. He helped you onto the bed, making sure you were settled in the right position for comfort. Your eyelids grew heavy as you slowly fell asleep.

“Sleep well, sweet girl,” he whispered before planting a kiss on your forehead. He quietly left the room and closed the door behind him.

Outside he found his father waiting. The mere sight of him standing there brought back the knot of emotions Kenji had only just managed to unravel.

Kenji’s searched in his father’s expression for any hint of where things stood between them now. After a few heartbeats, Kenji opened his mouth to speak, his voice subdued.

“She’s asleep,” Kenji simply stated.

Hayao nodded, “That’s good, let her rest. She needs it after what happened tonight,”

Kenji exhaled, a heavy breath escaped him, “Yeah…I can’t help but worry for her. What if something serious had happened?”

Hayao’s tone was gentle as he replied, “I understand your worry. But she’s a strong one, and the baby is healthy. Trust in that, Kenji. She needs your support more than ever right now,”

Kenji knew his father was right, but his protective instincts that came with being both a husband and soon-to-be father made it difficult to fully ease his mind.

“You’re right, she is strong. I just…I just wish there was more I could do for her,” He glanced back at the door, thinking of you asleep inside. “I feel helpless sometimes, watching her go through all of this.”

Hayao placed his hand on Kenji’s shoulder, offering a reassuring squeeze. For once, Kenji didn’t feel the usual urge to flinch. Instead he welcomed the touch, finding an unexpected comfort in his father’s gestures.

“Believe me, I know how you feel. Watching the mother of your child go through pregnancy can be excruciating. But your support and your presence is the most important thing you can’t offer.”

This was something Kenji had never spoken about with anyone, not even with you. He kept his fear and doubts to himself, not wanting to burden you when you were focusing on nurturing the baby.

But now, standing with his father, he found himself opening up in a way he hadn’t anticipated.

But how ironic it was that he was comfortable enough to confide with his father— the same man that had once been a distant figure. But perhaps working together to ease your discomfort was what made things easier.

His father had been through this before, and likely, he had been just as uncertain and vulnerable. The realisation brought a surge of confidence in Kenji.

“I’ll be there for her,” Kenji said, more to himself than his father. “No matter what.”

A few hours later, Kenji got himself ready for bed, his body heavy with exhaustion. The day had been long and filled with unexpected turns, but finally, he could see the end of it. As he slid under the covers, he noticed you stirred, your eyes fluttering open.

Kenji smiled softly. “Hey, sleepyhead. You’re awake,” he murmured softly, reaching out to gently caress your cheek. “How are you feeling?”

You slowly sat up, rubbing some of the sleep from your eyes. “Groggy…” you muttered, your voice still thick with sleep.

Kenji chuckled softly. “Groggy, huh? Well you did sleep for a while. Take your time.” He leaned closer, his concern slipping back into his voice. “How’s the baby? Any more kicking?”

You shook your head slightly, stretching your arms above you with your belly arching as your body moved. “Not at the moment,” you said with a small sigh. “Has your dad left?”

“Yeah, he mentioned he had some important calls to make back home,” Kenji hesitated for a moment, “Why? Are you feeling okay? Do you need something from him?”

“No,” you replied. “I just wanted to know how are things with him now,”

Kenji sighed, ranking a hand through his hair. “Things between me and dad have been, well, better than before. We’re still working through some stuff, but tonight…was different.”

“You both make a good team, you know. The way you were both quick to attend to my aches,” you said softly.

Kenji smiled, feeling a swell of emotions at your words— mostly pride mingled with relief. “Thank you, sweetheart. Who knew a baby would bring us both together,” he rested his hands over your belly.

At that moment it dawned on him just how much the baby had done to bridge the gap between him and his father. This tiny unborn child had given them both a common purpose and a reason to put aside their differences and focused on what truly mattered.

You leaned against the pillows. “Come here,” you said, pulling him closer.

Kenji slipped further into the covers, his arms wrapped around you protectively. He pressed a kiss on your forehead, lingering there for a moment as he breathed in your comforting scent.

As you drifted back to sleep, Kenji held you close and ran his hand over your belly, his heart full.

He knew the road wasn’t going to be easy, but at that moment, he felt ready. If he could build a better relationship with his father, he felt like he could conquer anything, as long as you were by his side.

𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐬: @gyusimp @aise-30 @popmagical @jellybonbons @coinduck

@rosaliin-blog @stfuchaase @blooscool @despacito-uwu16

Phew finally

Ayrus xoxo

[tizeline]

1-I've fallen in love with your Tiz Sep AU, especially how you made Mikey the problem child with the hardest redemption arc out of the 4, because normally it's not Mikey who gets that role (Cause he'll always be a sweet kid no matter what dimension or universe or faction he's in<3), so I'm really interested to see how Sep Mikey and Sep Donnie finally reconcile and become closer<3<3<3<3

I'm glad you're enjoying the AU :D! And I'm still trying to figure out how the events of the movie is gonna go down in the AU, but so far this is what I've come up with (though keep in mind this is subject to change)

So it's during season 2 that all that drama between Mikey and... basically everyone else in his family gets really intense, but he does end up mostly reconciling with Leo, Raph and Draxum during the season 2 finale (don't know the details yet, just that it's gonna happen). With that character development, Mikey also grows more accepting towards humans, he still doesn't like them but he's also not trying to destroy them all so that's something!

But Mikey and Donnie just can't seem to get along, in the time leading up to the invasion they're just stuck in this constant state of animosity. Raph and Leo certainly try to mediate, but it's almost like Mikey and Donnie don't want to get along. It's kinda one of those situations where it doesn't really matter why two people started fighting, cuz now they're been fighting for so long and about so many things that it feels impossible to even try to make peace.

So then The Foot get the Key, which in the AU happens because Donnie and Mikey can't stop fighting for two fricking seconds and they screw up the mission. And then each of them blame the other for the mission going wrong, which just gets worse when Casey Jr shows up and warns them about the Krang and goddam these two are being annoying. STILL! Despite their less than ideal relationship, they have started genuinely care about each other, and they both feel guilty about losing the Key, so when Mikey sees an opportunity of getting the Key back he goes for it (like canon!Leo did). And when Donnie sees that Mikey is about to get fucking skewered by the Krang, he jumps in front of his little brother and shield him with his own body (like canon!Raph did).

The story from here on out is not as thought out, but needless to say Donnie gets captured and "krangified". I'm kinda thinking that instead of the Krang just making him a soldier like Raph was, they instead hook Donnie up to the Technodrome or something? And after being freed from the Krang's control, maybe Donnie can still take control of the Technodrome himself to pilot it back through the portal. Cuz ya know, they still need a way to send it back into the prison dimension and the other turtles can't connect to the TD because of their hard shells. I did have an idea of potentially making April pilot the thing lmao, but I also have a headcanon that the only reason Donnie could pilot the TD at all was because he has some Krang DNA in him (empyrean), which April obviously doesn't. So Donnie will still probably be the one to send the TD back into the prison dimension.

In the AU, I imagine that Leo and Raph are still kinda dealing with the whole leadership-issue throughout the invasion haha. It's not nearly as dramatic and hostile this time around, don't worry! But I love the idea of Leo and Raph becoming co-leaders, only problem is that they're still trying to figure out what exactly that looks like for them. It not a huge issue when they're doing small-scale missions, but with how intense and stressful the invasion is, they're kinda struggling figuring out how exactly their dynamic should look like.

But back to Mikey, he obviously feels guilty as fuck over Donnie sacrificing himself for him and he's not handling very well. Mikey having lost access to his mystic powers is also really getting to him considering how heavily he relies on them. Leo's drama with Casey Jr in the movie is in the AU replaced with Mikey's drama with Casey Jr. Mikey is initially pretty cold towards CJ just because he's human, when Donnie gets taken Mikey decides to direct his hurt and anger at CJ because... well... he's human! And he didn't properly warn them about the Krang! So obviously it's somehow his fault that Donnie got taken! Somehow! It's very weird for CJ to interact with pre-character-development-Mikey acting like a petty brat about the whole situation, he's hurt by it but also quickly just grows very annoyed at Mikey's hostility towards him. And then we get That One Scene where CJ yells at Leo to get his shit together, except of course this time it's him yelling at Mikey haha.

Anyway, then Mikey DOES get his shit together, and he manages to help Donnie break free of the Krang's control by giving this big heartfelt speech about how he's sorry about how he has been acting and he wants to befriend Donnie and become real brother, you get it. But Mikey still feels guilty about everything that has happened, and to add on to that he still kinda has main character syndrome lol. Point is when Raph, Leo and Donnie all get knocked out of the fight and it's only Mikey against Krang One, he pretty quickly decides to sacrifice himself if it means defeating the Krang. It goes down pretty similarly to how Leo did it in canon, Mikey can fly so he lures Krang One into the prison dimension and is able to restrain him there long enough with his chains to convince CJ to close the portal.

So then the question is - how the HELL does he get out of there??? Mikey opened up the portal in canon, which is gonna be hard for him to do in the AU if he's being beaten within an inch of his life by Krang One haha. But I do think I've figured it out, so Leo and Raph at this point in the story have unlocked their Hamato Ninpo but Mikey hasn't, because their Ninpo is fueled by like... the connection to their family, and Mikey doesn't feel very connected to his Hamato ancestry before this obviously. But what if this is the moment where he doesn finally unlock his Ninpo! After both Donnie and Mikey proved their dedication to each other through their sacrifices, Mikey finally feels connected to the Hamato family. The way I imagine this scene is that it's not just Mikey creating the portal, his brothers are reaching out to him with their Ninpo and Mikey is able to reach back, even while in different dimensions. They're able to establish a familiar connection and because of that a litteral connection is formed through the portal, and Mikey is brought home.

Lastly I wanna talk about Donnie, specifically the uh. Injury he gets from the Krang when he shields Mikey. I actually drew this really quick sketch of that moment a while back but I never posted it here so I might as well do it now! It's not super gory or anything, but Donnie's shoulder got a little but fucking impaled and also there's blood so I'm putting it underneath the read more thing

Haha remember when I said this this AU was gonna stay mostly silly goofy? Teehee!

Anyway, I can't really decide if I wanna make Donnie just lose his enitre arm after this because lol. Lmao. But the reason Donnie doesn't like die from blood loss right after this moment is because the Krang goop is sealing up the injury, both when he first gets captured and interrogated, as well as during the time when he's under Krang control. After he's freed, he's mostly only able to help in the fight by piloting the Technodrome up partway through the portal, maybe he's able to like act as support in the fight against Krang One by using his Ninpo? But yeah no he basically gets benched as soon as his brothers get him back because he's still quite injured.

But look on the bright side, Mikey and Donnie both being on bedrest after the invasion gives them PLENTY of time to bond! :D Like sure, they showed how far they're both willing to go for each other during the invasion, but they've still got a lot of bad blood to sort out afterwards and them both being stuck in medbay kinda forces them to deal with their problems haha. So yeah, while the invasion is the catalyst for them making peace, it's mostly during their recovery that they properly bond with each other. (Prepare for B-Team cuddles, it WILL happen!)

And you asked about specifially when Donnie loses his immunity towards Mikey's puppy dog eyes, and I'd imagine it's during their recovery. Not only because they're growing closer, but also because his baby brother is INJURED and SUFFERING and to Donnie's horror he quickly realizes that he is unable to say no to Mikey now haha XD

HOOBOY that's basically everything, I still have to figure out a lot of the details, but writing this all down made me realize that I've figured out way more of the plot than I initially thought, so that's nice!

[hotheadedhero]

Hello, could you create a headcanon for ROTTMNT about what it would be like to date Leo, Raph, Mikey, and Donnie (separately) and what the pros and cons of those relationships would be?

AN: Ooh~ Yes, I like this! It's not completely sunshine and rainbows, after all :0

Pros/Cons of Your Relationship

Rise Turtles x Reader

Raphael

Pros:

Considering the sheer size of this magnificent creature, the hugs and cuddles you get are beyond comparison. There's nothing quite like starting/ending your day by being wrapped up in those glorious green muscles.

Is deliberately gentle due to his immense strength and has a great amount of self-restraint in his physicality when interacting with you, even when he gets wildly excited. Such as any time you visit him in the lair and he barrels towards you. It seems like it'll be a harsh impact and then he stops at the last second to avoid knocking you over. Adorable.

Never have to worry about being in danger with him around. This big lug will make sure you're in safe hands no matter the location, no matter the time of day.

Raph is unabashedly tender and kind. He'll be hesitant to say anything hurtful towards you and as such is careful with his words, especially when it comes to criticisms.

Cons:

May get slightly overbearing with how protective he is. He isn't being inherently controlling and his heart is in the right place but you wish he wouldn't worry so much, as sweet as it is.

Need to be careful leaving him alone for too long given his risk for going into savage mode. Can come across as rather clingy because of this.

Much like certain disagreements he has with his brothers, he sometimes has a hard time admitting when he's wrong. However, it's never usually about anything too serious but it can cause it's strains.

Leonardo

Pros:

Always knows how to make you laugh and tries his best to do such when you're feeling down. Some of his jokes are admittedly pretty terrible but you can't deny the fact that even the bad ones coax a smile out of you.

Enjoys spontaneity. Even if you're the type of person that struggles with getting out there or knowing what to do for the day, Leo always has something under his sleeve. Just call him the master of fun.

Whilst he's a jovial character, that doesn't mean he can't have his more serious moments, nor is he always completely blind-sighted to things if they seem too good to be true. Sure, he gets you two into shenanigans but he'll have your back if things seem awry.

Has also been shown to try to reconcile his mistakes and be sympathetic towards your plights, especially if he ends up being the cause of them. It may take him a moment or two to figure it out but he always finds a way to make right by you for his mistakes.

Cons:

Has an almost incessant need for attention and can come across as quite conceited. You find that he prioritises his own entertainment, so planning dates can often feel one-sided and uneven in mutual enjoyment.

Doesn't always know how to take things seriously, which can lead to your fair share of arguments.

Is known to be a compulsive liar and will engage in frequent fibbing when he worries about getting into trouble with you. With this, Leo can be disingenuous as it is not unusual for his charisma to take the form of false flattery just to get into someone’s good graces. Having become aware of this, it's sometimes difficult to take his compliments towards you as true.

Donatello

Pros:

Treats you like the absolute royalty you are. Being his loved one, he makes a point of giving the treatment he feels that you deserve. Whether that be programming S.H.E.L.D.O.N to give you special attention or hiding the last pizza box for you to share, he always makes you feel like number one.

Is always willing to help you out, no matter the issue. Donnie is a problem solver, at the end of the day, and will work on a solution to aid you. No job is too big or too small.

He is all about gestures of grandiose proportions, loving the dramatics as much as he himself is dramatic. His aptitude for being extravagant means that birthdays, Christmases, and anniversaries are often met with awe-inspiring displays of affection.

While he perceives himself as being emotionless, in reality, he is far from it. It isn't uncommon for him to become irritated, such as when he doesn't feel as though others listen to or appreciate his intelligence. That's why it means the world when he opens up to you about his transgressions.

Cons:

Unintentionally has a habit of being condescending or patronising towards you. You are aware that he is highly intelligent and that you won't always know the answer to something, but he needs to keep in mind that he isn't right about everything.

When he gets absorbed in his work, it's as though the entire world around him ceases to exist. This means that getting his attention can be difficult and often times you are left waiting until he's finished.

Despite his openness with you, your genuine adoration of his abilities isn't always met with gratitude. He longs for such praise but it carries more weight if it comes from respective elders. This unintentionally has you feeling irrelevant or that your opinion doesn't matter.

Michelangelo

Pros:

Makes killer meals for you. There doesn't have to be a special occasion for him to get passionately creative in the kitchen for you. He always goes all out to make sure your pallet is satisfied.

Best believe he encourages you to add some colour to your wardrobe and helps you pick out outfits. He's supportive of your choices and loves any excuse for a good fashion show.

He absolutely hates being dishonest to those he loves most and best believe that includes you. One might view it as a con but the fact that he dislikes lying means you never have to worry about him hiding something from you. It does make surprise birthday parties difficult to hide but you win some, you lose some.

Mikey is an intuitive family man and wants to keep you and everyone on good terms with one another. He acts as a brilliant mediator, keeping things fair and unbiased when assisting in such resolves.

Cons:

Sometimes he's a bit brash with conversations that involve telling you about particular problems. You appreciate the irony of 'Dr. Delicate Touch' but that persona is in dire need of a name change.

Being the youngest of his brothers, he may have certain complexes where doing tasks or upholding responsibilities are concerned. Even if it's obvious that something requires an extra pair of hands, he may refuse your help because of his need to prove himself.

Is easily frightened and often retreats into his shell instead of confronting the threat. This includes any challenges that may come from you, as well. You appreciate his fear of conflicts but he can't always hide away when something important needs to be discussed.

At the end of the day, no one is perfect. Far from it, in fact, but you take each other for what you are. As long as you're both happy and know how to have constructive conversations about glaring issues, there isn't anything to worry about <3

[perfectsunlight]

[12] IVORY

warnings: teen pregnancy, absent father, disconnected mother, difficult pregnancy, health related issues, mentions of adoption, mentions of complications at birth

2013

“you’re pregnant?”

jieun’s voice wavered between shock and incredulity as she paced back and forth across the room. her hands ran through her hair, a gesture of disbelief and frustration. jennie sat on the couch, her fists clenched tightly on the edge of the cushion, her head bowed in shame.

“yes, mom,” jennie whispered, her voice barely audible. she could feel the weight of her mother’s disappointment and confusion bearing down on her. the reality of her situation was sinking in, and she couldn’t escape the overwhelming sense of fear and uncertainty.

her mother stopped pacing and turned to face her daughter, her eyes wide with a mixture of emotions. “how could this happen?” she hissed, tears welling in her eyes. “you’re only 17, jennie. what about your training?”

jennie’s eyes filled with tears as she struggled to find the right words. the pressure of the moment, combined with the reality of her situation, was almost too much to bear.

“i know, mom,” jennie said quietly, her voice trembling. “i wasn’t planning for this. it just… happened. and now i’m trying to figure out how to handle it.”

jieun’s face twisted with a mix of frustration and sadness. she had always supported her daughter in everything, and now it felt as if this pregnancy would stop everything her daughter had worked hard for. her life would be forever changed now, especially given her position as a trainee.

“it’s that boy, isn’t it?” her mother whispered, earning a slow nod from jennie. jieun’s expression darkened further. “does he know?” she added, which only deepened the pit in her daughter’s stomach. 

“yes, mom.”

the older woman crossed her arms over her chest slowly as she stared at the ceiling in disbelief. she truly couldn't believe this was happening. “and what did he say?” jieun quickly asked, trying to collect her thoughts in a logical manner.

“he doesn’t want anything to do with me or the baby.”

jieun’s expression shifted from frustration to devastation. she quickly sat in the armchair opposite jennie, her eyes filling with tears. “how could you not tell me sooner?” she asked, her voice cracking. “and why won’t he take responsibility?”

the younger kim’s shoulders slumped. “he said it’s not his problem. i didn’t want to burden you with this, but i couldn’t hide it any longer.” the room fell silent, the weight of the situation hanging heavy between them. jieun’s mind raced, trying to reconcile her daughter’s situation with her own expectations for jennie’s future. 

she had envisioned her daughter becoming a successful star, not facing this kind of personal upheaval.

“i just don’t understand,” jieun said softly, wiping away her own tears. “you’ve worked so hard, and now this? how could you two be so reckless?”

cat-like eyes were filled with pain. jennie knew it was her fault as well as his, but there was nothing she could do now to change that past. “i know, mom. i’m scared. but i don’t know what to do.”

jieun rubbed her temples gently, trying to remove the stress somehow. “does the company know?” she whispered slowly, trying to figure out the full situation. jennie shook her head, her eyes welling up with tears. “only teddy knows. he’s been helping me as much as he can.”

jieun’s face fell further, her concern deepening. “but how are you managing? how are you going to handle this without the support of the company? and how can teddy keep this secret?”

“i don’t know,” jennie huffed, leaning her head back into the cushions. “it’s already been hard. i’m exhausted all the time, and the stress is a lot. teddy’s been trying to help as much as he can, but he’s also busy. but he won’t let anyone else find out.”

the older kim sighed deeply, her frustration mingling with sympathy. as a mother, she wanted to take her daughter’s problems away. however, she knew that the young girl needed to take responsibility. 

“jennie, you need to think about yourself and the baby. you can’t keep going like this. maybe being an idol isn’t your path—”

jennie slammed her fist against the coffee table, interrupting her mother as tears quickly ran down her face. “no. i’m not giving up. i can make it work. and maybe i’ll just put the kid up for adoption once it’s born.” she was determined to live out her dream, no matter what that meant.

her mother flinched at her outburst, her eyes widening with shock. the intensity of her daughter’s emotions was palpable, and she felt a pang of sadness for the turmoil jennie was going through. 

but the thought of jennie considering adoption was a heavy blow, both to jieun and to jennie herself.

jieun took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. “i understand that you’re overwhelmed. but this isn’t a decision you can make just because you’re exhausted and scared. it’s a big step, and you need to think about it with a clear mind.”

the younger girl looked away, her gaze distant and filled with a mix of sorrow and resignation. she knew she wasn’t thinking straight at the moment, but she had already been thinking about the adoption route since she found out she was with child.

“i don’t have time to think about it, mom. i can barely keep up with my training, let alone prepare for a baby.”

jieun’s heart ached at the sight of her daughter’s despair. she reached out, placing a comforting hand on her arm. “you don’t have to go through this alone. we’ll find a way to make it work, but you need to take care of yourself and the baby. if adoption is the path you choose, it should be a well-thought-out decision, not one made out of desperation.”

—

jennie made it very clear she wanted no prenatal help during her pregnancy. teddy had only taken her once, and that was to find out how far along she actually was. she had used a fake name for the appointment, having teddy act as her “father” during the visits to keep her true identity a secret.

the first and only prenatal visit was an emotional ordeal. 

they had told her she was around 5 months along, which sent the young girl into a mental breakdown. the doctor called it a cryptic pregnancy, a term used when a pregnancy is not immediately or easily detected. jennie had always been small, and the subtlety of her baby bump had allowed her to keep the pregnancy hidden for much longer than expected.

but she thought she’d have more time to think about what to do with the baby. she thought she’d be able to go along with her pregnancy and take her sweet time in reaching a decision. now, it just felt like her world was quickly closing in on her.

as jennie struggled with the weight of her decision, her pregnancy also took a toll on her health. being a trainee meant relentless hours of practice and performances, leaving her little time for rest or proper nutrition. the physical strain of her schedule was compounded by the emotional stress she was under.

her body, already exhausted and fragile, quickly began to show signs of the strain. jennie’s once vibrant energy diminished, replaced by a constant fatigue that seeped into every aspect of her life. she struggled with nausea and dizziness, her appetite fluctuating between ravenous hunger and aversion to food. the demanding schedule of training and monthly performances left her with little time for adequate rest, and her attempts to keep up with the grueling pace were increasingly difficult.

some noticed the change in her, but she brushed off their concerns with vague explanations or evasive responses. she couldn’t afford to draw attention to her situation, not when every day felt like a balancing act between hiding her condition and meeting the expectations of her future career.

lisa, rosie, and jisoo all just assumed jennie was working harder than before due to the massive cuts from their latest performance evaluations and the constant pressure of maintaining high standards. the trio offered their support and encouragement, believing that jennie’s increased workload was the cause of her exhaustion. they would occasionally suggest taking a break or getting some rest, but jennie always waved off their concerns with a tired smile and a quick excuse about being focused on their upcoming schedules.

despite their best intentions, jennie was unable to fully confide in her bandmates. 

she feared that revealing her pregnancy would not only jeopardize her position in the company but also expose her to public scrutiny that she wasn’t ready to handle. the secrecy was both a shield and a burden, protecting her from unwanted attention but also isolating her from those who cared about her.

her days were a blur of rehearsals, performances, and if she was lucky, quick meals. her nights were often filled with sleepless hours, worrying about her health and the future. every morning she would look in the mirror, noting how her reflection showed the toll of her situation.

truth be told, she wanted nothing to do with the baby at this point. she was sick and tired of being sick and tired. on top of that, why would she have to be a mother when her baby’s father wasn’t going to be a parent either?

it was a cruel way of thinking, but she wanted to be an idol more than anything else. she could be a mother some other time, when she was ready and when she was already done being an idol. this was why she quickly decided on putting her daughter up for adoption once she was born.

the idea of giving up the baby was a difficult decision, but it felt like the only viable option amidst the chaos of her life. the reality of being a single mother at such a young age, combined with the demands of her career, made the prospect of raising the child seem almost impossible.

her plan was to keep her pregnancy secret for as long as she could and then find a suitable adoption agency that could offer the baby a good home. jennie had already begun making inquiries, trying to figure out how to navigate the process without drawing attention to herself.

however, that all went out the window when she went into labor 7 weeks early.

it started with sharp, persistent contractions that jennie tried to ignore at first, attributing them to the stress of her demanding schedule. but the pain grew too intense, and she found herself unable to continue with her routine. 

panic set in as she realized something was seriously wrong.

jennie’s attempts to keep her condition hidden proved futile. she was rushed to a private room in the hospital, her mother accompanying her discreetly. her heart raced with anxiety, knowing that she couldn’t afford any major complications, both for her career and the baby’s wellbeing. 

the doctors worked quickly, assessing her condition and preparing for an early delivery.

in the sterile environment of the hospital, jennie felt an overwhelming, crushing sense of fear. the doctors and nurses bustled around her, their serious faces adding to her anxiety. she was given a brief explanation of what to expect, but her mind was consumed with worry.

she knew given the current state of her health, there probably wasn’t going to be a good outcome.

her daughter was born at 4:44 am on february 14th, 2014. she was incredibly small, barely weighing over a pound. the sight of her fragile, tiny form, connected to various monitors and tubes, made jennie’s heart ache with an overwhelming mix of emotions. the baby’s cries, though weak, were a stark reminder of the new life she had brought into the world. 

the doctors worked tirelessly to stabilize the newborn, placing her in the nicu where she would need to stay for several weeks.

for the first two weeks, jennie didn’t even have a name for her daughter. in her mind, she couldn’t name her, because then she’d become attached, and she still was considering giving the baby up.

jennie could only watch through the glass, her heart breaking at the sight of her daughter’s tiny frame fighting for survival. she had visited the hospital every day once she was released after a few days, having teddy cover for her previous absence with the excuse that she had to travel to new zealand for a funeral. however, jennie’s initial plan to put the baby up for adoption was pushed to the back of her mind as she spent hours by the newborn’s side. 

the nicu became a place where she found herself re-evaluating everything. the initial detachment she had tried to maintain dissolved as she held her daughter’s tiny hand and watched her fight through each day.

finally, after days of emotional rollercoasters, jennie decided to name her.

she finally felt as if this small being was actually part of her, regardless of the obvious biological facts. it was why she decided to give her daughter part of her name. the meaning of the name jane meant “god is gracious,” and there would be no other way to describe her daughter.

jennie knew she had survived one hell of a pregnancy, but she also realized that jane had survived it, too. her daughter was a miracle, a testament to strength and resilience that mirrored her own journey.

jane had stayed in the hospital for about 4 and a half weeks. jieun had agreed to take care of her granddaughter so jennie could focus on her job as a trainee, while also allowing jennie the opportunity to still be a mother.

an hour before the baby’s discharge from the hospital, the new mother found herself cradling the newborn with a mixture of anticipation and bittersweet emotions swirling within her. jennie watched as her daughter lay peacefully in her arms, her tiny hands and feet moving every so often.

today was a milestone—the day jane would finally go home. 

as jennie leaned closer to the child, she observed jane’s calm demeanor, her wide, cat-like eyes focusing intently on two things: the soft, gentle images of elephants playing on the television mounted on the wall, and jennie herself. there was something profoundly touching about the way jane’s gaze would shift between the screen and her mother, as if finding solace in both.

jennie couldn’t help but smile at the sight. the elephants, with their ivory-like grace, seemed to captivate her daughter in a way that was both soothing and endearing. 

it was as if the baby recognized something special in them—a serenity that mirrored her own journey. 

and the way jane looked at jennie, with a trust and affection that spoke of their deep bond, was more than jennie could have hoped for.

“ready to go?” jieun asked as she zipped up the baby bag and stood up straight. jennie turned her body to face her mother, but because the action moved jane’s gaze away from the elephants, it caused the newborn to begin to whine softly. 

jennie’s heart clenched at the soft sound. the way jane’s tiny face scrunched up in distress was a poignant reminder of how deeply connected they were. she gently repositioned jane so the baby could once again see the calming elephants on tv, soothing her with the familiar imagery. the baby’s whine quickly subsided, replaced by a calm focus on the screen.

jieun watched with a knowing smile, recognizing the new maternal behavior from jennie. she was glad her granddaughter wasn’t going anywhere. “everything okay?” she asked, sensing jennie’s hesitation.

jennie nodded, her eyes reflecting a mix of determination and tenderness. she took a deep breath and turned to her mother, who had been quietly observing from a nearby seat. “mom?” jennie began, her voice steady but urgent, “could you please ask the nurse to come here? i need to make an important change to jane’s birth certificate.”

jieun looked puzzled but supportive. “you’re changing her name?” she glanced over at the newborn who was still focusing entirely on the elephants that showed on screen. “i’m just adding to it. i’m giving her a middle name.” jennie answered, her own gaze shifting back to her daughter.

it wasn’t usual for koreans to have middle names, but jennie felt that this addition was important. 

“oh?” the older woman smiled softly as she pressed the button on the side wall to call for the nurses. she turned to face jennie once again, a smile on her lips. “what are you going to add?”

the new mother paused for a moment, thinking carefully about her decision. however, it didn’t need too much thought. it felt right, it felt complete. and most importantly, it felt truly unique. 

“ivory."

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CLOSED.

[phantomato]

Tom Riddle As A Parent: Why So Compelling?

(to me. Not meant to generalize.)

Tom-as-parent runs counter to canon in possibly baffling ways. He despises his own father and has no respect for his mother. He doesn’t have a confirmed romantic or sexual attachment to anyone at any point in the story—I’m disregarding Cursed Child here, as my canon is the original seven-book series.

Tom is ill-suited to parenting: we see him in a challenging job or unemployed but busy with his pursuit of power. His personal qualities include a lack of bedside manner, and he’s shown to tolerate putting on a polite face only when it serves him with people who have more power. Yet I’ve written Tom as a parent multiple times, including my longest work. The idea continues to compel me. What gives?

Canon Tom has no business being a parent—let me make it his business

Partly, I want this because it is just so unlikely to fit the character as we know him. Whenever a fic idea or characterization choice seems incongruous and wrong, my impulse as a writer is to wonder how to make it right. What shifts must take place for this person to do this thing?

I’ve long held that I am interested in a Tom Riddle who can feel love. Not that he loves easily or admits it to himself, but that he is a person with the ability to feel that emotion. Given that Tom can love, a child is an interesting place to explore that. How did the child come into his life? How did he reconcile himself to loving it? What shape does that love take? No matter the universe, some parts of Tom will always struggle to be a conventional parent.

This is a great path for Tom as an unintentional parent—kidnapping Harry of course, but also (my favorite) partnering with a single parent and navigating the family he gains as a side effect of that romance. Particularly coming into a teenage stepchild, which was an interesting writing experience because with an older child who remembered a deceased birth parent, I was free to give that Voldemort less personal responsibility for the kid. He could create something other than full parenthood in his relationship with Theodore Nott, where they came to understand and care for one another through their shared love for Nott Sr. I let Voldemort recognize his own unsuitedness to parenting and thus make compromises with it, and the relationship was overall more emotionally moving to me as a result. 

Tom Riddle will have an impact on any parenting that I force him to do. Because he’s not traditionally fit for it, the unique form his parenting takes is a chance to say so much about his character and the choices that he’s made in that universe.

Forcing Tom to reconcile with himself

It’s no mystery that Tom Riddle has parent issues. His mom dies while birthing him. He was raised in an orphanage. He kills his father. There are a lot of obstacles in the way of Tom having a healthy relationship with parenting.

In making him a parent, then, I’m asking his character to get with it real quick. There is a baby or a small child only growing older and more independent by the day; they are pulling their ideas of the world from him like a sponge sucking up water. He will have an influence on them. And what has Tom Riddle ever wanted more than influence?

Part of what I like about parent!Tom is asking what would happen to him if he took the prospect seriously. He is responsible for this kid, so he takes care of them. There must be many feelings there. After all, Tom went to his father seeking something. Magical heritage, sure, but he knew before he walked up that hill that he wouldn’t find it, and still he went. We can’t know anything with certainty (except in fanfic), but when writing him as a parent, I like to think that he might be changed when he’s forced to play the opposite role.

Tom with a child is a Tom who can possibly come to understand his parents or regret not getting to know them. He might see his mother’s care, to deliver her baby where he would live. He might see his father’s fear, at confronting his own trauma through the form of his child. He never got to learn what his mother might have taught him, and my own dislike of her aside, the character of Tom might miss her, forgive her, or never learn about her abuse. If he does know that his mother assaulted his father, it might spark his regret over committing that murder. And he Mrs. Cole as a caretaker as well, whose faults do not erase the intimacy of their relationship. All of these emotions can be explored via reflection as Tom experiences raising his child. He is making his own choices about being a parent, dissimilar or not to those made by Merope and Tom Sr. and Mrs. Cole, and facing unpleasant facts about his sympathy for their positions.

And all of this is equally as interesting to me when Tom is the child, or when he considers his feelings about his parents and mentors later in life. Tom’s hope to be a teacher likewise takes on more dimensions if we consider mentorship and influence on young people as relating to how he might feel about his own childhood, or what must change to make him suited for that responsibility. Tom-as-parent is particularly special as it features in fics that have helped define my characterization of him, and it is because the role is so unnatural for him, not in spite of it, that it inspires this kind of consideration.

[devastatinglygreen]

Why do you think they're waiting for the Lady Whistledown reveal?

aside from drama? and i mean that seriously. i know everyone had headcanons and wants for years here but they're building tension. there was no real tension in part one outside of sexual and the stakes need to be higher for the penultimate episode.

the next bit is spoilers we know have been pretty much seen by too many people for ep 5 at least so wander under the cut at your own risk:

i think, and i know a lot of people aren't going to be thrilled about colin not knowing before some things happen, that they need to do two things: solidify their relationship a bit and basically send penelope into a spiral to take the stakes higher.

they have plot armor, they're not going to behead penelope right there in the queen's garden with the peacocks once she gets caught. the only thing truly up for grabs is polin. and not even that, not really, but it's the thing the audience is going to care about.

the spoilers have penelope trying to tell him but failing because she keeps getting interrupted. every time she fails, the clock ticks further. it's a pressure build. eloise is on her back. colin is just wandering along, deliriously happy and penelope knows she's carrying this bomb she's gonna blow up in his face.

she lost eloise to it. colin is the love of her life. i think we can all do that math. she's so stressed out by eloise's timeline she can barely breathe and then comes cressida.

you've got cressida taking credit for LW, colin's happiness sitting on her shoulders (tho i do think it's also so smart of them to have him defend penelope to portia before he finds out, it might give him some insight to how penelope is treated and feels when the right time comes), eloise is assuming things and giving her hell.

i mean, wouldn't you be a mess too? like, give the girl some grace her entire life is imploding right after getting what she's always wanted and never thought she'd get and losing the two most important people in the world to her only a few months before. would you want to blow that up again? yes, yes, i'm sure everyone who says "but she has to!" is very morally outraged and perfectly righteous in their own lives scoffs at the idea that penelope might struggle with a secret she doesn't know what to do with.

it's not like we've never seen how that eats her up before, right? oh. we totally have. nvm.

anyways. cressida. i kind of hope it's the turning point for peneloise because i think even eloise knows she's not a good person to have in a position of power like that. say what you want but penelope doesn't lie in LW.

add in they seem to be bringing in book scenes and i'm going to guess colin catches her after she takes off to print something saying cressida is a whole ass lie. fight ensues. angst! stakes are ridiculously high. the wedding is planned. the pedestals are knocked over and now colin will know everything. does he love her after that? can he? does he trust her ever again? (clearly yes or they're gonna need to change up that family tree thing they released lol).

this will give way to colin having to come to terms with penelope's legacy and how it affects his own estimation of himself and his writing. jealousy like the book. it's a colin issue and he knows it but he still has to deal with it.

colin very much thinks penelope is his purpose, right? the book says it. LN said it about show colin. he's gotta reconcile that LW and penelope are two halves of the same person. he can't put them both in boxes.

anyways what i mean is that the stakes need to be high and her blurting it out then having 2.5 episodes of them moping around about their LW fight isn't really the thing that gets your heart racing when you've got 8 episodes to tell the whole story.

(also as an aside, i think it's going to lead to us getting second "firsts" in a way. it's not going to be a first kiss or anything but i feel like the energy of it all will be different and i, personally, think that could be very fun)

[celaenaeiln]

On the subject of Bruce, Dick, and the Titans, do you think part of Bruce’s issues stem from jealousy?

Like being jealous over the fact that after his parents died he struggled for so long with only Alfred and it took Dick to break through that and help him cultivate a genuine sense of family again, but now Dick is branching out and expanding his family while Bruce hasn’t been able to do that (at the point of Dick being fired)

Follow up to that, do you think that if it is partially jealousy and insecurity, do you think it’s a contributing factor for Jason’s adoption? Not just that he wanted to help another kid but also because he subconsciously wanted to show Dick/ mimic Dick in being able to move past the tragedy of his past by finding new family. Like a shitty slightly spiteful move of ‘hey you’re moving on and doing better but look so am I!’ even if it’s not exactly true. Sort of like pretending your dating someone at a party your ex is at even tho ur still grieving the relationship and not over ur ex.

Other sidenote, love your posts and whenever I come on tumblr I check to see if you’ve posted. Hope you are having a good day ❤️

Thank you!!

So for the first one, Bruce wouldn't exactly be jealous of Dick for having a support system. He wants Dick to be happy.

Outsiders (2003) Issue #29

But he also doesn't want Dick to go. He's jealous that he has to share Dick's attention and his jealousy stems from the fact that he isn't the one Dick goes to.

The second one is spot on!!! OOF THE ANALOGY WAS TOO GOOD!!!!

The main reason for adopting Jason was not just because he wanted to help him, but because Bruce was jealous and angry and hurt that Dick left. That he chose the Titans over him.

Batman (1940) Issue #416

Like you said, "hey you’re moving on and doing better but look so am I!"

In the other version Bruce literally fires him, and it's name-called, for Dick's devotion to the Titans.

I think it's sometimes hard to reconcile Bruce's relationship with Dick because of how many Robins and how much the family has grown but Dick and Bruce's relationship is different.

Batman: Court of Owls Issue #1

"Dick, you know me better than anyone, except perhaps for Alfred..."

It was and is always going to be Dick and Bruce. The Titans call them out on it, the batfamily calls them out on it, that's just the way things are.

So imagine someone you're this deeply connected to, your lifeline, leaving you for someone else. The Jealousy tore him apart and Bruce does what Bruce does best when he's hurt - he pushes people away.

Dick has talked Bruce out of everything in his life. If he didn't have amnesia and become Ric Grayson, Bruce's mental state would not have taken a downward spiral. During his post-Selina leaving him at the alter- nightmares, he has one where Selina is dying and Bruce says, "this is just like Dick."

Batman (2016) Issue #63

Nightmares about Dick's death are bleeding over into his nightmares of Selina's.

Batman (2016) Issue #63

It wasn't altruism which made him make the move, it was spite.

I made a post a long time ago for an ask that asked me about Dick and Bruce's complicated relationship that really goes into depth about why the two of them are inseparable. Dick's said it himself too in the action comics. They both knew the partnership was going to end because Dick wanted to leave but Bruce couldn't let him go so he decided to hurt Dick before Dick could hurt him.

He's canonically described as a foil to Batman. So, yes, by Batman's own admission, Dick is the person who knows him best so jealousy of Dick leading a life, prioritizing people that aren't him, plays a huge role in his actions and interactions with Dick.

[strawdool]

Let me tell you Straw, your Modern AU has given me an immense amount of inspiration. At one point I would have liked to write some fanfics around it but it wasn't really in my right to do so, so I didn't. I think I like this AU in particular because in order for Lamb and Narinder to even remotely make it work they have to fight through a ton of issues. I like seeing characters get completely broken by the consequences of their actions and then learn how to fight their own demons. It's also a bit of hit or miss on whether people like this relationship development, but I really like the kind of relationships in fiction where the characters have to really fight for it. It's all well and good to have a story where the characters fall in love instantly and after maybe one calamity or two, they set off in the sunset. But for me, I like the relationships more where you aren't sure where things are going. There's clear signs but the two characters really have to want that relationship to make it work and fight through a lot of problems. It can suck seeing the characters stumble but in the end to me, it's very rewarding that once they have (hopefully) solved said issues, they will probably have a stronger and healthier relationship than most. To me, any kind of foundation that has seen struggle and survived it will always be stronger than one that has never experienced conflict. In other words, a relationship that could survive its issues and find compromise and resolution I think is more likely to last in the end. This is not always the case but in fiction we can force happy endings right? That said though, I have to really wonder if your modern Narinder and Lamb will ever get their act together to actually forge a peaceful and successful life together. I don't know if you have a full story planned out or not but if Narinder has already screwed up to the point of a breakup then there may be no recovery from that. The path forward I see is him finally addressing his problems and trying to turn his life around. As the Lamb, hopefully they can find a life where they're not in threat of the outside world. Maybe the two could eventually reconcile and form a long lasting friendship even if it never fully repairs. I'm just always hoping that characters will learn from their mistakes even though often in real life some people never learn and will constantly do the same horrible things. If I had to say what the most appealing part of your au is, it's the hope aspect. It's the hope that someday Narinder will realize what a trash bucket he is and do something about it. It's the hope that the Lamb can realize their self worth. Maybe it'll end with Narinder, a fully cleaned up man with a plan, formally apologizing to the Lamb for everything he's done and after a cordial conversation he disappears, on to a new life. The Lamb doesn't really know what becomes of him but hopes that he will do some good with his life. Maybe somewhere in the back of their head they'll lament too that Narinder figured things out too late. I don't know, thinking out loud at this point. But hey, this is a very interesting AU and it has sparked far more ideas than just those. So have a good day and I very much look forward to more if you happen to do so.

me when anon goes into a full rant about my au i feel so happy that my au had make you have a lot of inspo <33333

anyway answering your question, Narinder and Lamb spiral after the breakup: lamb bc they were betrayed at their most vulnerable and Narinder trying to justify his bad action with "they deserved it" but deep down knowing he fucked up badly but he doesnt want to accept that and so he doubles down and he gets into a very bad place mentally.

but while Lamb finally opens up to their insecurities and their situations to goat and ratau after all. Narinder had already pushed everyone away; no family, no friends, nothing.

it takes a while until one day Narinder finally comes to the realization how badly he is and starts getting his life together. (i like to say that it all starts with cleaning his apartment lol)

he doesnt contact lamb for a whole year at this point he even got a job and is now reconnecting with his kids, until he remember Lamb and finally accepts that the way he treated them and all the blame the put on them wasnt right.

And so he tries to find them to talk things throught (goes to a point he kinda starts stalking them for a bit) and when he finally gets to them Goat is the one who interrupts him with punching him in the face. but mf doesnt give up which results in him getting his ass beaten many times.

For Lamb and Narinder to finally get on good terms it takes a while, if reconstructing their friendship already took them months, rekindle the romantic relationship its another can of worms that both try to take it slowly and not rush things. Narinder in that he becomes really nervous, afraid to hurt them again and Lamb tries to takes things step by step specially for trusting him again.

[aalghul]

Saying that what fans (and post-flashpoint) make Jason is what Helena already is always gets one of two reactions: I hate Jason and this is true, I love Jason and this is completely wrong. Everyone's losing with that btw.

Helena and Jason are fundamentally different enough that it can't be exactly true. Helena and Jason's backstories don't have much in common either. Helena's involved betrayal, schemes and fights for power. Jason's was a product of Park Row being continually failed by Gotham. Jason also has a history with the Bats specifically, as the second Robin and a son of the family, that Helena doesn't. There is an appeal in that that's not transferrable; Jason's been a Bat and has had his own various roles since his he was created pre-crisis, not just since his resurrection or since he got a softer role post-flashpoint. He doesn't get to just not be a bat character.

In going "fanon Jason is exactly like Helena" you're also ignoring her time on the JLA and BOP, because remember that fanon thinks Jason sits around staring at his wall angrily until his family tell him to stop being a brainless killer OR runs around half-assing missions with his brothers friends because he has none of his own. It's honestly a disservice to her to pretend that brand of fanon Jason could ever be her.

However, Helena is the one who fought to be trusted by the Bats and compromised on killing because of them (whether that be due to the aforementioned struggle to fit in with them, or, at low points, because they know her identity). Jason did not due this pre-flashpoint, and even those abandoned attempts in Countdown didn't begin with the main timeline's version of Bruce. Pre-flashpoint Jason was not asking for anyone's trust or for a seat at the table. That's not even to say that any interpretation of Jason that has him reconciling with the Bats if a rip-off of Helena, it's just that Jason put himself on the outskirts of the family because he has personal issues with them. It's not just them making that decision. The role that Jason now occupies is very much the one that Helena had.

I'm not going to sit here talking about all the similarities and differences, or how they got tangled along the way. I just want to say that people who act like Jason was dealt a good hand by being given Helena's characterization by fanon and post-flashpoint are never going to be able to prove their point because you're focusing on the wrong thing (something that isn't even true). People who refuse to accept that the Jason they're talking about is a whole different character are going to miss out on any of the many interpretations of Jason that aren't just knock-off Helena's. And they're all pissing each other off in the process.

[laughhardrunfastbekindsblog]

I've been reflecting recently on why I love Bad Batch SOOOO much (no, seriously, I've been obsessed since the show first started airing and my obsession isn't fading anytime soon) while also still having some issues with the finale. And I think it's because the story reminds me so much of my own family. (Note: my ramblings in this post do get personal.)

I loved Clone Force 99 from the moment they were introduced in The Clone Wars. A band of clone misfits who are instantly recognized as different but also are close to each other and work together seamlessly with plenty of banter? Give me more! The amazingly resilient Echo is brought back and of course joins them? YES!!! So when it was announced that the Bad Batch would be getting their own show, I was thrilled! Yay for more crazy sibling shenanigans!

And then season 1 happened, with the squad almost immediately fracturing amidst all the changes occurring with the rise of the Empire. Ooof, hello reality.

I grew up in a large family with lots of siblings. We were all super close (and kinda crazy 😂) growing up; as we've become adults, however, personality differences have led some of my siblings to stop talking to each other which then bled over into them not talking to anyone else in the family. Not gonna lie, the past few years have been really hard, trying to figure out how best to navigate things so as to not push any of my siblings away but also give them their space.

Needless to say, I saw my family reflected in the Bad Batch. The Bad Batch were so close for so long, and then started falling apart. When Crosshair not only wouldn't go with his family in the season 1 finale but also seemed to be rejecting Hunter's statement that they could pursue different paths without being enemies, my heart broke even more. I know it will be a long time - if ever - that my own family members all reconcile with each other, so I really wanted this little clone family, at least, to get that chance. (Living out my hopes and dreams in fiction, I guess?)

Season 2 continued the season 1 trend of showing us both sides in such a sympathetic and nuanced way. I like to try keeping an open mind and seeing a situation from different angles/POV, both in real life and with fictional stories; so I think a big part of the reason why I adore this show is because it gave us the opportunity to consider both the main squad's AND Crosshair's perspectives, which honestly was a great exercise for me over the past few years in keeping an open mind regarding my own siblings' experiences and opinions (even if I don't always agree with them). And I was still holding out hope that this little clone family would have a chance to reconcile and be whole again.

And then Tech fell.

I'm crying right now just thinking about it.

(Tech was my favorite OG CF99 member since the moment he first stepped on screen, so his death would have been excruciatingly painful regardless; but the fact that he apparently died before the family could be fully reconciled... Well, I already know such a scenario - someone dying before reconciliation - is sadly possible with my own family, but having it happen to this fictional family just hit WAY too close to home, and I would have been equally devastated about this if any other Bad Batcher had died.)

Going into season 3, I knew there was a chance Tech wouldn't come back, much as I wanted him to. I LOVED watching Crosshair build a relationship with Omega, rejoin the family and reconcile with his other brothers, but... Tech is his brother too! With each passing episode, it was a struggle between hoping Tech would come back so the family would actually get their chance to be whole again, while also looking for any closure, any indication that Tech's memory and legacy would be acknowledged and honored by all the siblings he'd sacrificed himself for. I wanted Tech to be alive to get his own happy ending for his own sake, but if a comeback wasn't happening I wanted his life and sacrifice to clearly serve as an influence and motivation for his family. And for his siblings' sake (ESPECIALLY Crosshair's), if Tech was really dead and there wasn't going to be a full reunion, at least let the whole family heal from the loss, at least let the family honor the brother who gave everything to give them a chance to reunite.

The finale concluded, and I realized we got neither: there had been no full family reunion, and there had been no real closure/healing for the family regarding Tech's sacrifice either. (And I don't think it's at all unreasonable to have assumed the show would give us one or the other.)

Look, I'm one of those people who walked into Rogue One assuming it would have a happy ending. (Oh, those days when I was so young and naive...) So let me tell you, that ending traumatized me almost as badly as the ending of ASM2.

But, while other tragic/bittersweet endings have shaken me, it was the Bad Batch finale that literally left me feeling physically ill for days afterwards. Like, I was so relieved that everyone else lived? But it was so strange to be told it was a "happy ending" when, out of the entire family, only Omega kinda sorta maybe (if you squint) had a moment to honor their fallen brother? The family goes through all that trauma and loss and we end the show without actually resolving it, without the family actually healing? Tech's sacrifice made the Batch's eventual retirement possible, and the show won't even just say it? And to add insult to injury, after an entire season with the narrative teasing the possibility of Tech still being alive with CX2 being the forerunning explanation for it, it's all "well, we're still not going to provide any real closure on this plot point, but aren't you glad you can maybe assume Tech ISN'T CX2 since Hunter ran that sucker through without blinking an eye? Look, happy ending!"

I'm still stuck in "season 1" with my own family, so watching this story play out and ultimately conclude with this fictional family not getting full closure regarding one of their own siblings who had never been anything but supportive of all of them was... unsatisfying, to say the least. I LOVE that the clones, who were created by Palpatine to be discarded, managed to (unknowingly) strike a significant blow against Palpatine's plans. I LOVE that Omega and some of the other clones were able to choose to live peacefully on Pabu. I LOVE that Crosshair came back to his family. Still, I will never get over how Tech was handled - both the character himself and the characters he was closest to.

And I think this is part of the reason why I really hope the Bad Batch's on-screen appearances aren't completely over yet - and why, even without factoring in all the narrative ambiguity in season 3, I'm still rooting for Tech to return. Tech himself definitely deserved better, and his family deserved better too.

So there's my long-winded explanation for why there's not a single day that goes by that I don't think about this show 😅

[piperholmes]

I wasn’t planning on writing anything about Chenford because I’m not trying to start an argument (not that I expected many will read this any way 🤣), but I have a lot of thoughts jumbled up. I think it would be helpful for me to just get them down, so I am better able to absorb what has been shared by others. I love a good discussion! Especially one centered around some form of literature.

(If you are reading this, then just let me preface with this is me really just free writing what’s going through my head. I definitely am not telling anyone else how to feel, react, or process this storyline—nor do I expect anyone to agree with my ramblings.)

For me, I think a major issue I have is with the breakup trope itself—particularly the “I’m not good enough for you, so I can’t be with you” trope. In my experience, this argument usually comes from the male character in a relationship. Romance novels are riddled with this set up; I’ve seen it in films and television plenty of times. It almost always comes from the guy. (And I acknowledge the majority of media I consume is M/F romance). The problem I have reconciling this concept is because it feels like this happens because the guy in the relationship feels comfortable and is willing to make the decision for both of them, and is often unwilling to listen to his partner’s thoughts or feelings. There is something inherently misogynistic in that, and it has never sat well with me.

I thought a lot about why Tim was upset about the 5 player trade, and while I don’t think the show did a particularly good job of explaining it, I think it boils down to the fact that Lucy made a decision about Tim’s life without talking to him about it. Even though it came from a sincere, caring place and had (for Tim at least) a positive outcome, it wasn’t right for her to make that decision on her own. If the argument is being made that Tim is walking away from their relationship because he feels (right or wrong) it’s best for Lucy, it just seems odd to me that Tim would choose to (essentially) do the same thing to Lucy after it was so upsetting to him.

Now, was Tim in a heightened emotional state? Absolutely. Does that impact a person’s reasoning? 100% But I think where this situation breaks with what has been established, is Tim’s choice to just walk away without discussion. Something that made me fall in love with Chenford in the first place was Tim’s willingness to listen to Lucy even when he was emotionally struggling. Outside Isabel’s apartment with the drugs, when she got on to him about being pissed over the report following the virus scare, his later acknowledgment over his behavior in the pilot with the Hispanic gentleman, and so on. To have Tim just walk away from her communicates one of two things: either he was willing to make the decision but wasn’t willing to deal with the consequences or he was so convinced he was right, he wasn’t interested in what Lucy would have to say. Neither are a particularly good look for Tim, and, again, why I just don’t really like this trope. (I would be saying the same thing about Lucy if she were the one doing this-in fact, I think she seriously mishandled her break up with Chris, but I definitely wasn’t emotionally invested in their relationship. So, sorry Chris; you don’t get a post 🤣).

Another aspect of the trope I find ridiculous is how it should essentially impact all relationships this character has; if Tim isn’t good enough to be with Lucy as a romantic partner then he should feel that way about being a friend to Lopez, a brother to Genny, an uncle to her kids, and so on. Otherwise, to isolate this feeling to specifically the romantic partner is just…weird? “I’m going to end our relationship because you deserve better, but just you. I’m going to keep all my other relationships.” Like, I don’t know, that just feels super icky. And, based on the preview for the next new episode, it definitely seems like Tim is going to spiral into pushing people away/isolating, but where is the line drawn? What if Tim had a kid? (And I know hypotheticals are probably not the best here, but I warned this would be meandering 🤪) Would he walk away from his own kid because he didn’t feel good enough? That definitely doesn’t make sense to me, but, again, it just highlights the pitfalls I run into with the trope itself and why I cringe when it is used. My view of Tim—and by extension Chenford—is now informed by what I see as the implications of the trope.

It’s incredibly off putting that now Tim and Lucy’s parents (oh, gosh, and I just realized, even Nolan) essentially fall into the same category. Do you think Lucy’s parents were so dismissive of her wants and hurtful because they hated her or didn’t love her? I am 100% sure it’s because they thought they were loving her. It doesn’t make it right or healthy, but I’m sure they thought they were doing what was best for Lucy. And John made the decision to end their relationship to “protect” Lucy, and I remember thinking the same thing about him that I think about Tim now. I really thought Tim was different and understood what Lucy had been through in her life, and, ultimately at this point, makes me question how I feel about Chenford overall.

I also want to say that I don’t begrudge Tim acknowledging something in him that wants to change and be better (openly encourage such self reflection and growth in fact). I’m also (pretty) sure this will ultimately lead back to then getting back together, and maybe even Tim being a better partner. I’m simply saying that using this particular trope in order to facilitate that doesn’t vibe with what I believe the show has established about Chenford, and it would have been very interesting (and, for me, preferable) to see how they could have told that story avoiding this cliche. That’s all.

Ok, if anybody made it this far, thanks for sticking with it. I’m always open and interested in differing perspectives and interpretations, and nothing I’ve said is my set-in-stone opinion, just my current opinion 😜.

[northstarscowboyhat]

How did Starlo and Ceroba begin dating in your AU Would there be any conflict because of Cerobas last marriage ending so tragically?

First off, anon thank you for giving me an excuse to gush about Staroba. They have taken a hold of 95% of my brain. This might be a bit of a ramble, but I will gladly share my thoughts on them!

So before Clover arrives in the Underground, I imagine anything romantic between the both of them was kind of out of the question. I HC Starlo is still pining for Ceroba years later, but he's pretty discreet about it. That's his best friend, and she's recently lost her husband and daughter. He's going to be there for her emotionally, but he's not about to complicate things by pursuing his feelings. I imagine even if he hasn't really moved on from her, he's resigned to the fact that it'll only remain as pining from afar.

Meanwhile, on Ceroba's end, she isn't really thinking about romance. She's very much wallowing in her own grief and misery, so to her, Starlo is the only person she has left in her life, but he's just her best friend. There may be some feelings beginning to build, with living with Starlo and spending so much time with him, but nothing she really actively thinks about. She's too consumed by the terrible situation and struggles she's neck deep in.

It isn't until Clover comes around and chooses to stay in the Underground that things change. I HC that Clover chooses to live with Ceroba after the Pacifist ending. Starlo and the gang cleaned up her house anyways, so why not live in it again and make better memories? Because Ceroba's house is close to the Wild East, Starlo visits a lot, not just for Clover but for Ceroba too. Now that they're both working on their own issues and moving on, becoming healthier people, they're able to properly hang out and emotionally support one another and enjoy each other's company in a way they haven't for a few years. This is where Starlo's feelings really kick into high gear, and it's gotten to the point that everyone in their family and friend group notices.

("Dude, you like, totally wanna marry her," Mooch says, hardly bothering to contain her smug smirk. Starlo yanks on the brim of his hat to conceal his reddening face and begs her to keep her voice down, lest Ceroba hear it from across the bar counter.)

Though Ceroba is a lot more subtle about it, this is where her feelings begin to grow too. She realizes that Starlo has always been there for her, even if his actions weren't always the right ones his intentions have always been focused on doing things for her sake, and that she wants him around, maybe more than just a best friend. It gets to the point that the house feels lonely whenever he leaves from a visit. It probably takes a lot of internal strife and struggle to reconcile with her feelings. Letting another partner into her life after she's mourned her first husband is a massive and frightening step to take, after all. She knows Chujin would want her to be happy and live her life to the fullest after he's gone, but it's still a lot to take in.

I imagine once a few months pass, with encouragement from Starlo's friends ("C'mon boss, Clover calls you Pa and Ceroba Ma, you two are practically already raising them together!"), he tries to confess his feelings to Ceroba. He probably fumbles it a few times; not just because he's still shy and awkward under the sheriff persona, but because he really doesn't want to ruin his relationship with her, nor hurt her after everything she's been through. Ceroba, of course, notices this. Probably after the second or third bumbling attempt of him trying to tell her in privacy how he feels, she gently cuts him off and comes out and says it; she reciprocates his feelings, and she would love to start a new chapter of her life with him.

Thus, they begin dating! Everyone's happy for them, especially Clover and the Feisty Four, who has been privy to all of their subtle and not so subtle flirting and obvious pining. Starlo and Ceroba were already raising Clover together, but now it becomes a lot more overt. After they date for a while, Ceroba invites Starlo to move in so he can spend more time with her and Clover and be a proper family. He does so, gladly - though he probably does shed a tear or two moving out from the house he shared with his posse.

[gffa]

I know you’ve said before that you view prequels!Anakin and clone wars!Anakin as separate characters, so I’m curious what your thoughts are on Ahsoka series!Anakin are? (This ask was sent by someone who has not watched any of the Ahsoka series, so if he hasn’t shown up enough for you to form an opinion feel free to save this for later)

Hm, I don't recall having said I saw prequels!Anakin and clone wars!Anakin as separate characters befoe, you might be thinking of someone else, or maybe you meant that I have struggled with reconciling the different properties with each other--though ultimately I usually manage to do so fairly well, as I do consider them the same character and each part of the bigger whole. The Ahsoka series!Anakin is hard to figure out how to blend in there, because I go back and forth on whether or not it really was Anakin or not, if it was a Force vision or Ahsoka projecting or truly Anakin himself, because each idea has such interesting and deliciously heartwrenching implications. But for the sake of this post specifically, let's say it's truly Anakin in the series--he fits perfectly well with how I see the character, even after his death, because the whole point of him showing up is that he was there for Ahsoka and her issues. This version of him isn't really about Anakin's story, it's about Ahsoka's story, and right then she needed him to represent both Anakin and Vader to her, to force her to confront her fears about what he became, her loss and fear that she could be responsible for more darkness in the galaxy, and her hurt that she wasn't sure she had anything to offer other than being a soldier. In the episode, Anakin says that she's more than just being a soldier, she's more than a legacy of death and war, because he's more than that. If this is truly Anakin, I love that for him, because being a Force Ghost is about truly letting go of all the shit you're holding onto in life, that you find balance within yourself again, that just by dint of how the Force and Force Ghosts work, Anakin has to have come to peace within himself about how he was more than just Vader, he was more than just death and destruction. He may wear his ROTS era clothing because that's what Ahsoka needed from him, he may not be glowing blue because this is in her mind not in the real world, he may be flickering back and forth with Vader because she needed that from him, but I have no problem seeing this version of Anakin as the same as this one:

Because the most selfless thing Anakin could do for Ahsoka was show up and help her confront her fears and deal with her issues. The most selfless thing he could say to her was: you're more than just this because, if I can be more than the monstrous things I did, you can be more than the mistakes you've made that are far less, because that's what she needed to hear. The most selfless thing he could do was dig into his own horrible past and say, yes, this happened, it's part of me and thus part of you, but you can heal from this, because I know you loved me and you weren't wrong to do so, you're not wrong to love someone even though they did so much wrong. She comes out of her vision with a new peace beginning to settle inside her and, given how much Anakin worked to drag himself out of the dark and let his attachments go, let his fears go, and embrace compassion for others again--it's a beautiful continuation of everything with Luke, with being willing to embrace compassion for the children who come after you, the ones you're meant to protect and teach and guide. Maybe it wasn't perfect, maybe there was still some sadness in him or fear of how she saw him, some crankiness that she wasn't learning the lessons he was trying to each, but ultimately I see him as being there entirely for her, not for his own closure, but for hers, because she needed him, so he was there for her.

[pearlaquaoceans]

Bear with me as I write out my thoughts. I just need to write it somewhere to get it out of my brain. It isn't a critique or a think piece or any grand theories, just me struggling with my own thoughts while listening to the Cooldown after Downfall part 2.

I have always struggled with connecting to Talisen's characters. I see it as he thinks and sees the world and interacts with it in such a different way to me that I just fail to grasp what he is putting down because it is so alien to how i see the world. And right now I'm trying to grasp his Melora. And please understand I know this is a skill issue for me. I just cannot connect on any level to any of his characters because I think I just view the world so differently and how characters are so differently so it's all me, nothing on him. He's great and fantastic and I know his characters to be particularly beloved.

With Melora, and especially what he said in cooldown how Melora would be a betrayer if it was up to her and how she sees humans only as food. She is a tiger and tigers do not look at deer with pity. They look at them only as food and not as something to hold empathy for. And it's a super interesting interpretation and I think if Melora hadn't been previously established I would really dig it because nature is very eat or be eaten but it just doesn't reconcile in my head with what we know. If Melora is the tiger and mortals are mearly prey and not her cubs. Then why send anything at all to the people who have interacted with her in the main campaign. Where does the warmth sent in breezes come from if she has no interest in humans? Why does she care for Orym? Why does she send signs at all if she only wishes for nature to continue? Why not let mortals bumble around on their own and fail so that nature is left to be as it should be. I cannot see this Melora answering any prayers. I cannot see her sending rain.

With the first episode I was thinking she was more like this because the land is choked and she suffers because the land suffers but with Talisen saying there is no anger. No pity. I dunno I just can't quite seem to grasp it. I love the wild harshness of her but nature is also bounty and life and hope in my mind. When flowers and trees bloom after a forest fire. There is a hope in that and I just can't seem to find that hope in Talisen's Melora. If she wished she was a betrayer God and only isn't because of others and not herself, why would she intervene on behalf of anyone? Why would she help to bring Molly back when the body would have caused so much havoc on nature if Lucien were the one to be brought back? Why would she answer those prayers? Why would see do anything for any mortal? This Melora I cannot see her being concerned with anything beyond base instinct. I can get gods being multifaceted and complex, the raven Queen and pelor are doing that in my brain loads but then the connection holds with them and i can weave the different versions together into something that makes sense in my head. Especially with them behind the divine gate in present story.

Then I started thinking, how much are the gods shaped by those who pray? Like are their beings shaped by what the masses see in them? Does Melora find that warmth when people begin to pray to her again after the fall of Aeor? Does she soften? Or is the warmth she send a false warmth and it is not her at all? Or did the distance between them and the mortal realm once the divine gate was created, make the heart grow fonder, and she changed and was able to see things differently and then wanted people to succeed?

I dunno. I'm just listening to cooldown and really struggling with the character and it makes me feel junky because I can look objectively and think Talisen is doing cool things and doing it super well but for the life I me I cannot make the connection in my brain to what we've seen and what we are seeing. The others I can do it but as always I just can't get a grasp of what Talisen is putting down with what I already have in my hands with my knowledge of Melora and I know it's a skill issue and I hate that I'm not finding what I need to understand.

[boyfridged]

Regarding Jason's pre-crisis characterization, would you say that he really is just a carbon copy of Dick or did he eventually grow into his own character in the span of his run time? Also, would you recommend it to a Jason fan to read about his pre-crisis days?

i don't think pre-crisis jay has ever been a carbon copy of dick actually! i know it's a popular opinion but frankly speaking, i think people who say that either have not read his pre-crisis run at all or have not cared enough to understand the story.

the fact that pre-crisis jason’s origin and background (in major ways, but not 1:1, that’s also a misconception) mirrors that of dick was not “lazy writing” and it’s not some sign of the general silliness and carelessness of the editorial of the times. it was very much a conscious, well-thought-through decision.

let me break this down (so that it doesn't become another essay):

to make it clear before i get into anything else: jay's background being so similar to that of dick is actually a way to set up a story about their differences. despite sharing so much experience, there are some key variables in both their origins and personalities that the writers clearly wanted to bring readers' attention to. i will circle back to it later.

i reckon a lot of dc fans who never actually got to read these issues have this misconception that the death of the pre-crisis todds was an exact parallel to that of the flying graysons. however, jason’s parents do not die in a way that dick’s parents do; in fact, joseph and trina todd die while aiding dick in an investigation after he requested their help (this is also why dick later says that he would take care of jason have bruce not offered; he feels guilty for their demise.) this is a deeply fascinating concept tbh, because the todds are like collateral damage to vigilantism; sacrificial lambs, and dick is responsible for it, leaving another orphan on the scene. it's a full cycle!

it was also a smart way for jason to enter the narrative this way because it gave him a link to his predecessor. unlike post-crisis, jason’s first contact is dick, which makes sense, because it’s a story about robin (as a disclaimer: the way post-crisis alters it is also sensible for the plot it tries to convey; but these are two various storylines, approached from a much different angle!)

and pre-crisis jay is a very much different character from dick since day one. dick projects on him vehemently, giving him the robin mantle (once jay tries out different identities btw), which jason accepts as a gesture of love but also dreads. he struggles with the concept of vigilantism from the start, while everyone around him assumes that this is simply the way things go because his circumstances are so similar to that of both dick and bruce. he has a seriously tough time trying to reconcile with the concept of dual identities. he questions bruce's motives and actions a lot more than both dick in his early days and post-crisis jason. he stares numbly at the wall after his first patrol. he voices his concerns.

here i also want to say, that while i absolutely do think everyone should read these stories, and there are some storylines that can be incorporated into post-crisis jay canon, it doesn't hurt to consider which of them do not fit into it at all.

post-crisis and pre-crisis jay have completely different backgrounds, and since pre-crisis jay has been brought up in a rather safe and stable environment, as i mentioned, he's much more confident in questioning bruce. on the contrary, post-crisis jay seems to be so delighted to be having an adult at all that his faith in batman is almost absolute (for most of his robin run at least.)

as i said, pre-crisis jay is also much more aware of the duality of the vigilante life. as a former performer, he says that it feels disappointing to know that none of the people whom he helps will know his name, and he is used to having an audience (he is aware that it is a selfish sentiment.) this is not a thing that post-crisis jay considers at all.

i also imagine that post-crisis jay would never tell bruce the (famous) words that he would be perfectly happy to be just his son and not his sidekick (which he does pre-crisis); not because the truth is different but because he doesn't fully comprehend that it's an option. post-crisis robin jay's compartmentalisation is barely existent if at all; bruce "gave him" robin even before he took him in, so the roles of a son & sidekick are almost one and the same for him, which is why i'd say the events of a death in the family occur at all (he "failed" as robin -> he runs away to find another parent).

and well. pre-crisis jay actually has friends. his world does not begin and end with his role as gotham's protector and hope. speaking of which, he also does not possess the same passionate relationship with gotham as post-crisis jay does.

there are of course many traits they share – i'd say they both have even more sympathy for criminals and an even stronger of belief in rehabilitation than bruce does. they are also both, in a way, a victim of the cycle in the family and projection – bruce (and pre-crisis, dick) assume that the way of dealing with grief is to go out into combat, which is not necessarily true for them. but ironically, i think, it's post-crisis jay who remains more innocent and is easy-going in the way he initially settles into the role.

ultimately, i think all batfamily fans should read pre-crisis robin jay's run because it's perhaps the only run that takes adoption and the topic of legacies seriously. and it's before the editorial and writers decided that batman having a child was lame, and that robin's role was just CA, so bruce is truly parenting. while pre-crisis bruce is much more of a sweetheart than post-crisis bruce is, so it may not all seem "realistic" for contemporary characterisation, it still gives a good idea of what a plotline about bruce being a parent could and should look like. i'm not going to lie to you, post-crisis jay's run feels seriously loveless compared with pre-crisis. pre-crisis, there's plenty of family tensions, and at times it appears that no one in this damn family understands each other, and yet there's so much fondness and care and desperate declarations of belonging. pre-crisis jay's story is genuinely, from the very beginning, a story about a child whose parents die entangled in a vigilante's investigation and who is thrown into a family of vigilantes, projected onto from all sides, and who tries to fill in shoes he never truly asked for in the first place. but dear god is there tenderness there. is there self-awareness and a serious attempt to conceive what taking over a mantle of a sidekick means. yeah. much more than it is in post-crisis.