#he is literally like oh your lonely? i am lonely too. i will teach you how to have connections without losing yourself

[roughentumble]

anyway. like a dandelion gone to seed, he is carried by the breath in someone's lungs, and the only mark he wishes to leave in the world is one that is spoken. one of fame, of words committed to paper to forever mark him as a great bard. i think rogue of breath really suits him. he helps others by redistributing breath, giving them a "second wind" to take into battle, to keep fighting when all seems hopeless, and occasionally stealing it directly from their foes to take the wind from their sails, or even from their lungs. whispering rumors on the winds to be delivered into enemy ears to cause doubt and infighting. but never on the front lines himself.

[valwrote]

gojo x fem!reader

early mornings — drabble, fluff

not proof read

w/c i have no idea but 's short

Gojo Satoru was always late to teaching, meeting – you name it. The question which hasn't been asked is 'Why is Gojo Satoru always late to events scheduled for the morning?' Is he too arrogant too care about menial tasks such as teaching children? No, not really. Was he too busy getting his daily dose of sweets to attend meetings with the irking higher ups? No- okay maybe.

What exactly was the answer? It was simple really. He just didn't feel like getting out of bed in the mornings. He wanted to stay in bed, sleep in more with you in his arms.

Satoru had been lonely ever since the death of his bestfriend. He had closed himself off from the real world and buried it under his obnoxious personality. However....ever since you tumbled into his life, literally, he felt his days brighten up again. His eyes would flutter open each day to a sight he wished to capture with a camera.

Oh wait, he probably has and got it photoframed to keep it in his office. He is rather sentimental to say the least. He enjoys this warmth. Your legs tangled under the sheets, arms interwined and your face squished against the pillow. He quietly laughs and smiles to himself.

"Satoru- you are staring, again." You groggily stated before peeling your eyes open, only to hiss at the sunlight peering in.

"Sorry sweets, just can't help myself."

"What's so interesting about watching seeing someone sleep? I bet you 10 bucks my hair looks like it got hit by a wind current." You yawned and buried your face into the pillow. Yup, monday mornings sucked.

"Unfortunately for you, I am into that." He gave a boyish grin. He leaned in and kissed your forehead tenderly. You could feel him squeezing your hand just a bit. It was a sweet gesture of affection which had became the norm.

"Then again, you look like a demon with your hair all disheveled like tha- ACK"

You pinched him causing him to flinch.

"Ouch! What was that for!?" He whined, rubbing his side.

"You know exactly what that was for." You sternly remarked, not feeling sorry at all.

Both of you stare at eachother before erupting into giggles. You cup his face and lean in. Your foreheads were touching as you stared into his crystalline eyes, their blue colour, vast like the sky.

"I love you, you dork." You smile widely. In his eyes, you were his everything. The bright light that makes him look forward to each waking moment.

"Using the magical phrase to give me a backhanded compliment, are we?" He mused.

"Shut up" you lightly nudge him.

"I love you too, sweets. You make my mornings better, but if you keep fighting with me for the bed sheet at night I might as well sleep on the couch." He chuckled, kissing your nose. How can someone be mad at his guy?

"Not my fault that I am all cold thanks to you cranking up the Air-Con to 21 degrees!" You baffled as he winced at your sudden raise in tone.

"Sorry sweets. It gets too hot." He apologized playfully.

"Then sleep without the darn blanket!"

This banter, these laughs and small moments. He wanted to be encased in them forever. Gojo Satoru is the strongest sorcerer who is never punctual. Gojo Satoru is the strongest sorcerer who trades his punctuality to remain in bed with his person. This was one sacrifice he never regrets making.

Deep down he was a person who wanted to be loved yet he was too afraid commit. You were the person who wanted him to feel loved and he wouldn't trade this reality for anything.

©definitelysel

a/n : fluff makes me all queasy and i love it.

[glorified-red]

I'm seeing all the hate The Sun & The Star is getting on this hellsite and its so obvious that people aren't reading this book for what it is.

It's literally a children's novel written for children. The book is supposed to be easily digestible and stupid and explicitly written because kids books are supposed to be completely laid out.

Rick has always written dorky things in his books but he has also prioritized writing about real world issues and struggles. He's written about trauma, abuse, PTSD, depression, anxiety, etc. For years.

So here he is writing about deep rooted insecurities and self-doubt and learning to accept all those dark parts of yourself as well as others, AND tackling internalized homophobia and queer struggles, and we're upset the book is too focused on the relationship?

The entire point of this book is to teach the audience how to navigate a rocky relationship with compassion and understanding. It's showing that relationships aren't perfect, you can be upset with your partner and your partner can be upset with you but the point is that you talk about it and you try to do better.

Is it such a bad thing for young teens to be learning this?

Is it such a bad thing for them to see that love is effort? And can and will be flawed and that's okay??

This is the first time we've seen this topic discussed by Rick and I've never seen a book tackle this topic because we always see the Hollywood depiction of love---yet that's unrealistic.

This is showing that love can be flawed but still be oh so beautiful. That you can be traumatized and still worthy of love.

And I am so proud of Rick and Mark for not only showing a healthy attempt at a relationship but also showing countless times that those lessons apply to any relationship. They put significant stress on platonic and familial relationships and how that love is also effort, compassion, and understanding.

Yes, it focused on Solangelo a lot.

Yes, it had soooo many flaws that even I cringed and got disappointed at times.

But the fact that we got a book that finally lets two characters talk about their feelings is incredible, and the fact that this new generation gets this book??

If I had a book like this when I was young, showing me how to navigate conflict and that relationships CAN be hard?? My god, the healing that lesson could have done.

Perspective is everything for this book. Hell, perspective was everything in HoO. It showed that how characters are perceived is very different from how they perceive themselves.

Leo was literally always shown as comedic relief and nothing more until we saw how incredibly lonely and sad that kid was from his point of view.

Percy was always said to be intimidating and powerful, but in his perspective, he's a kid who has no clue what he's doing.

So yea, in this book, it may seem like these characters have shifted, but once again, Rick is relying so heavily on perspective.

Nico was edgy and depressed for as long as we knew him, even in BoO when we first got his POV. But now that he's accepted, loved, and healing, why are we getting mad that he's a dork again---how he was before all the trauma? Why are we mad that Nico is growing and healing and becoming himself again because he feels safe enough to do so.

Ofc he's gonna feel different than how he was written a canon year ago.

And this is the first time we've had Wills perspective. He's always been seen as this sunshine happy character but we FINALLY get some acknowledgement that he's deeply terrified. He's shown as a leader and camp counselor but he's got anxiety written in his bones.

He felt like a burden this book because he's a healer. He's absolutely terrified to be a fighter and yet we got to see him become one in his own way. He was out of his element but he was trying.

Because he's so goddamn afraid of losing someone else.

Call Will an asshole all you want, but Nico had been to Tartarus and the Underworld more times than he could count.

Will is literally walking into a place he's never been to before and is the complete opposite of anything he's ever known---for Nico. The comments he makes about plants and lack of sunshine? It wasn't him being a dick, he was him being genuinely confused because hes only ever known earth logic.

If I saw flowers blooming in a pitch black room I'd be a little confused too. He says the Underworld is depressing because it's literally draining his energy.

You yell at Will for not being open-minded yet won't comment on the fact that Nico hardly made an attempt either. Nico could have been more understanding about the fact that Will, a guy who's exploring this place that's slowly killing him, might not like the place at first because he doesn't understand it.

Because Will wanted to understand.

And the second Will finally began to understand the beauty of the Underworld, he was nothing but supportive.

You get mad at Will for making mistakes yet refuse to acknowledge that he learned from them.

The Sun & The Star tackled a hard topic that doesn't get talked about often. It portrayed a queer relationship and it emphasized characters who learned and grew. It's different from other Rick books because that was the point. (And it wasn't just Rick writing it)

This book was about accepting change within yourself and "daring to be different."

And the fact that you can't even accept a book that does the same just shows that the lessons this book taught went straight over your head.

I've never been more disappointed in this fandom. We begged for this book. We begged for queer representation. Yet here we are criticizing every little thing about it as if we aren't lucky to be getting this book in the first place---a book about two side characters.

This book had soooo many flaws but it wasn't a bad book.

Isn't that the point of it all? To love something even though it's flawed? That flaws dont necessarily mean it's broken and bad forever?

It's okay to hate a book.

That doesn't mean it's a bad book.

It just wasn't for you.

There are dozens of other books in this fandom to love and cherish, but don't hate this book just because it's different from what we're used to.

[tickled-2-death]

I saw your post about tma tickle requests and I have literally never thought about lonelyeyes tickles, but now I need to see Elias brought down a peg or six by his ex-ex-ex husband(soon to add another ex) who's probably at least semi-transparent and covered in fog. Bonus points for all the sass!

Attitude Adjustment

Content warnings: unhealthy relationship, dubious consent(?), tickle torture, begging, feet content specifically, not necessarily sexual but sexual acts are mentioned.

This is a tickle fic.

“Peter, I have told you this several times before, and I will only repeat myself this once. I am not going anywhere near that pathetic boat.”

Elias just can’t seem to catch a fucking break today. First it was some shipment issue at the Archives, namely involving those two identical circus freaks with some mysterious box. Then, once they finally convinced him to sign off on it (he’ll just replace whoever dies in artifact storage, no big deal), there was some petty little catfight in the archives itself. One that he, despite all the paperwork that needed to be sorted, had to go downstairs and tell Jonathan off about. That’s not to mention that his coffee was cold by the time he got back, and-

“Darling, my love, my light. You’re thinking too hard.”

… and his husband, one Mr. Peter “just fuck off out to sea and forget it all” Lukas, simply will not shut up.

Elias pinches the bridge of his nose, propped up in their lavish bed in his silk pajamas, by all means in a position to relax that he intends not to spoil.

“I can’t stand the smell”, he begins to explain, “I cant stand the Lonely, and honestly the thought of being trapped on a giant metal hunk of rubbish with you for several months on end makes me want to disappear already.”

Peter, despite his patron and what you’d expect as a result of it, nearly never stops smiling. It’s a smug little shit sort of smile, mind you, but it hardly ever leaves his face. As of now, it droops into a frown.

“Elias, if we’re going to beat our record of staying married for four months-“

“Five months. Five months is the record.”

The captain sighs.

“If we’re going to make this work for more than five months, we’ve got to accept one another’s help! I’m just trying to think of a way to cheer you up, to get some of that tension out of you, in the only way I know how!”

Elias considers this, and ultimately decides that his husband is right. He’s a snarky bastard, even worse than Elias himself at times, but he’s trying to do the right thing. It’s the thought that counts? Right???

It doesn’t really matter. 200 years and counting, and he’s never been interested in admitting his own faults. Why start now? Especially for Peter goddamn Lukas.

So the shrewish little Beholder pulls out his bitchiest of bitch voices, and simply replies; “Well, you’d hardly like it if I recommended you to take someone’s statement, or delve into someone’s personal life for an ounce of fear, now would you?”, before rolling over and turning off his bedside lamp.

Something within Peter snaps just then. Not genuine anger, or at least not the violent sort. No, it’s simply the sudden and undeniable urge to teach someone a lesson. Elias’ eyes go wide, having Known what was about to happen, but it’s too late.

Peter roughly digs his fingers into his husband’s ribs, and vibrates them between the bones with all his might.

“OH FUCK-“ is all the poor, helpless man can manage before descending into mad cackles against his will. His dignity would never allow such a boisterous display of emotion, but there’s hardly a chance to suppress it in this position.

Instinctively, he rolls onto his stomach to escape the horrific sensation at his side. However, this proves to be the worst thing he could’ve possibly done, because Peter takes the opportunity to straddle his ass and get both sides at once.

“PEHEHETER! YOU- STOHAHAP THIS AT OHAHANCE! NOW!” Elias demands through several squeals, drumming his bare feet against the mattress behind them. Hands desperately grabbing for purchase or perhaps Peter’s dastardly wrists.

He doesn’t let up, of course, and that smile is back with a vengeance.

“Hmm- what was that kinky sex term you told me about? Where you punish someone for talking back?” Peter asks, tone jovial and unclear as to whether the question is genuine or rhetorical.

Elias, in turn, accidentally projects the answer into his mind. Mouth otherwise occupied with screams of ticklish agony.

“Brat taming, that’s right! Are you going to stop being a brat, Elias? Or is your significantly larger, stronger husband going to have to tickle you until you cry? We both know I’m well trained in regards to tying knots, so you’d better keep that in mind.”

Deciding to give the ribs a bit of a break, lest he accidentally bruise them, Peter jams his fingers into Elias’ sensitive underarms. It’s absolutely delightful, the way he screams even louder and clamps his arms to his sides. As if that will help, now that the offending digits are trapped exactly where they shouldn’t be.

“NOW! YOUHOHOHOL STOP RIHIGHT NOW! I DEHEHEE- DEMAHAHAND IT!!!” Elias tries to compel, but the concentration required to do so simply isn’t there.

Peter continues to burrow his fingertips into Elias’ armpits, wiggling and scritching across the ultra sensitive skin like worms trying to dig into the earth. He flails as much as humanly possible, twisting and snorting up a storm all the while, but Peter’s legs hold firm to his hips. He’s stuck, and completely at the other avatar’s mercy.

“I’m afraid I’ll have to keep on like this, love. That is, until you apologize, and whatever comes out of your mouth even now can and will be held against you. So let’s fix that attitude, yeah?”

Elias’ laugh goes silent, eyes screwed shut rendering his powers completely useless. Not that they weren’t already, but now he can’t even read Peter’s thoughts.

Mercifully, the tickling comes to a stop after about five straight minutes of torture. Elias takes the opportunity to breath, and to pout, while Peter continues to ramble on.

“Not going to say anything, then? That’s alright, I’ve got another place in mind. Remember that one time you asked for a foot massage, and every time I pressed too light you’d kick and tell me to do better? Well, if you can’t handle a massage I’d hate to see how you’ll handle ten fingers intentionally tickling you.”

Elias uses what little of his strength he’s got left to buck his hips. Nothing happens, so he begins to thrash any way he can, kicking and babbling out a mantra of “nononono”-

But Peter is quick, and built tough like the boat that stared this whole argument. It takes about two seconds for him to turn around, placing all his weight on the trapped ankles of his smart-mouthed partner. He cracks his knuckles, gives a quick wink in Elias’ direction, and scribbles his fingers up two shaking soles.

Elias cries out, pounding his fists against the mattress. “NNOOHOHO! PETERPETERPETER- GEHEET OOHOFF- I CAHANT!”

“Are you pleading with me?” He responds, otherwise uncaring and unwavering in his assault. He wiggles his nails against the soles of one foot, and digs in between the toes of the other.

Even now, there is the slightest hesitation. But when he adjusts his position so that he can rub his beard against Elias’ trapped feet, all remaining pride goes out the window and into the endless Vast.

“PLEHEHASEPLEASEPLEASE- SOHAHA- SORRY! DAHARLINGPLEASE-“

“Trying to appeal to my humanity, darling? I should be offended you’d use such language just to get away from me and my glorious facial hair”.

Tears stream down Elias’ face. The scruffy hairs rubbing against his soles is just too much to handle. So he does the unthinkable and gives up.

“PEHEHEETEERRRR-“ is all he can manage, all he can think in the midst of this hell, and somehow it’s enough for him to get the message.

“Alright, alright. Calm down, love, let me help.” Peter soothes, giggling at the little twitches he evokes by firmly rubbing Elias’ feet of residual tingles.

Elias, on the other hand, is utterly spent. He feels heavy as a sack of bricks, completely limp and hiccuping like a maniac. Once his awful, evil husband has decided that his feet can be left alone, he starts to rub his back.

“Poor, mean little thing you are. So sensitive for such a powerful man.” Peter coos, and despite himself Elias falls asleep to the sound of his voice and comforting feel of his hands.

[coolsosha]

ObeyMe DEMON BROTHERS, but as Will Wood's songs!

i just love will wood, ok?

LUCIFER

♪She said, "It just feels inhumane to lose this much" / 'Cause when you leave, you know you take more than your love / Just one week of cicada days, we're losing touch / And I know it just feels inhumane to lose this much♪

Jeez, finding a song for him was tough, but i guess i did my best.

Apparently, "Cicada days" is about "that even the most painful losses can teach us something, as long as we persevere" according to some website. And i think it's pretty accurate.

I guess this song works well with all that Lilith death and Celestial Realm situation. Bro literally lost everything but still standing.

MAMMON

♪Please, policeman, no heel-to-toe / Oh please, let me go / Please, policeman, is it a test? / I won't know 'til I'm under arrest / Am I being detained / Am I under arrest? (Yes, you are!) / Read me my rights, please (No!) / I want my phone call!♪

So this song is about "dealing with life difficulties and feeling like you are trapped in a cage by circumstances". I thought that it, again, works well with Celestia drama and with fact that Lucifer was the one who chose everything for them. That would also work for Levi, but pppffft.

Also his brothers are often bullying him, so "feeling like in cage" might suit this well. No one takes him seriously and think that he is stupid, sad.

And oooobviosly Mammon might be in cage because he stole something expensive and hanging out in jail!)

other ones under the cut~

LEVIATHAN

♪One night one flung light through this place / So I run for cover, over, under, left the rind out on the plate / Little heart racing and praying, "Something, keep me safe" / I think it saw my face / Okay, one hungry day / Is nothing come what may♪

Okay, i have absolutely no idea what this thing is about, but according to some people this thing is about "Wanting to have someone near you and struggling with loneliness, but then accepting everything". Which gives some Levi vibes, since he is all "lonely worthless otaku".

But it's actually about a mouse, that's trying hard to live, wishes for cheese, hated just because of it's existence and naively hope that it will get to the cheese moon. It wanted to be friends with everyone, but eventually it gets trapped and killed. That's so hella sad and I've almost cried when i saw the clip, but, also it works well with Levi i guess. Poor dude wanted to be helpful for everyone, but everyone just left him(

All those hunger and cheese themes making me think of Beel, but no, it's not his song for sure.

SATAN

♪...Is there room for me in your cage?/.../ Animals are people too, but these people are animals/.../You might seem behind bars, but friend, this cage is inside out / It's awful out here, Socrates♪

AND

♪I wanna make my murder look like a suicide / But they'll all know, they'll all know / They'll all know that the body's mine / I wanna go anonymous to identify / But they'll all know, they'll all know♪

Ok so "Willard!" is pretty obvious. The singer loves animals a lot more than humans and wishes to be animal too. And Satan is definitely that one type of people who prefer Cats over people.

And "Cotard's Solution" is kinda more complicated. Its about struggling with your identity. Actually Will Wood's "Self-Ish" album has a few other songs like that, but i felt like this one was the one. Satan's identity struggle is a big part of his character as we all know. Since he is a part of Lucifer and all that stuff. And Satan's love for knowledge is also working well, since singer is trying to understand what life is and what it even means.

I was thinking about "Hand me my shovel im going in" or "2012", but i thought this one is better.

ASMODEUS

♪Where do you get off being so God damn beautiful? / Oh lord. Don't ask me what I mean /.../ I'll never know. I'll never know. I'll never know. I'll never know what it's like / What it's like to love you♪

In this song singer talks about extremely pretty woman, who he is in love with. He is ready to sacrifice himself for her, even if he knows that it's dangerous.

Part from UNOFFICIAL meaning interpretation that i saw:

"Overall, "White Knuckle Jerk (Where Do You Get Off?)" seems to be a portrayal of the intense emotions and confusion that can come with infatuation, particularly when it is unreciprocated. The woman in the song represents a sort of unattainable ideal, something that the narrator desires but cannot fully understand or possess."

I think this song works reaaaally good with Asmo. We all know how much Asmo wants to be the prettiest so everyone would love him. He is taking dietes to keep his form, uses a lot of skincare routine and overall trying to be perfect. Lets take that the "woman" is the ideal that Asmo is trying to reach, and he is ready to go on any sacrifices to be perfect the way how he wants it. So everyone will love him!

and i really like this song.

BEELZEBUB

♪Just like my parents in due time / Imagine me, just like my parents, yeah, right / 'Cause I've made more mistakes than simple empty moments /Each one as out of character as you know I tend to be♪

AND

♪Of the two things we do on our knees / Watch me fold my hands just to crack my knuckles / Well, here is the church, here is the steeple / Open the doors, see all the people / Alright, that's enough, let's get you home♪

I could find something that would suit him more so... uhhh.. "Becoming the Lastnames". Its just some cute song about how singer wants to create family, live happy and accepting responsibility for one's life. And hoping for the best, and working to create a lasting legacy for his family.

I mean, Beel is family guy. I just couldn't find anything better, sorry.

And about Kitchen floor... Well, that song is more about childhood dreams and adult reality, but its also about accepting your past mistakes and trying to work harder in future, so i guess it's not that bad????

Sorry Beel fans, i couldn't find anything better(

BELPHEGOR

♪Hold my hands, we'll dance the twelve step on my grave / I'd kill the man I am for one more chance to be yours, babe / No, I ain't begging, I'm just saying, it's an option / Don't let the latest be the last nail in my coffin / If you need me, I'll be in my coffin♪

AND

♪I am not the sunshine, I am not the moon at night / Well, who else could I be when I can hardly see? / I am not the sunshine, I am not the moon at night / I'm no one if I'm nowhere in between /.../ And if dreams can come true, what does that say about nightmares?♪

These two are just perfect match with Belfie!

The "Vampire reference in minor key" is about feeling dead inside and wanting for someone to save you. And we all know how dead inside own Belfie is.

And "Dr. Sunshine is dead" is about world not being black and white. And the whole Moon/Sun theme along with Dreams stuff is just perfect!

And both of them suit well with attic part! There is nothing much to say about these, they are just perfect.

I also thought about "Red moon", but i couldn't properly understand what it was about sooo...

Idk, tell if you want side characters version idk?

i enjoyed making this though~

[deepestuniversallove]

Hey I literally logged in just to give you support. Don't listen to these idiots telling you that you're gross for loving Mewtwo.

Because if loving Mewtwo is gross then the entire monster-fucking community should also be shamed but they aren't hmmmmmm I wonder why.

The degenerates in this fandom are perfectly fine with Ash fucking Latias, and men fucking Gardevoir, Vaporeon, or whatever slutty monster girl bitch of the week, but nooo you self shipping with Mewtwo is apparently cONcERnING or whatever.

(I love how no one calls the Hatsune Miku guy names lol, do I smell double standards? )

But this doesn't surprise me because the Pokemon community is full of hypocrites and these are the same no - life losers who shit their pants because Ash isn't in the anime anymore, their parents truly failed in raising them.

Lord knows I faced enough trouble for loving Steven and that too, from an Eevee fucker.

Monika, sweetie you are doing nothing wrong, your love for Mewtwo is so innocent, sweet and pure. I think it's beautiful how helped you with depression and escape your narcissistic mother.

People on this site love to preach mental health support but the very minute you do something different yet harmless suddenly it's

"OH NO YOU DARE TO LOVE A "FICTIONAL CHARACTER"

Keep on giving them rectal bleeding and draw more of you and Mewtwo ;) I love to see it.

AHH thank you so much for this message!! 🥹 That is so sweet of you!

Yeah, I dunno why it has always been like this. Even 10 or even 20 years ago, I often got messages chastising me for selfshipping with Mewtwo, calling it "nasty" and "degenerate", when really, i am not doing it to specifically be a degenerate, but because I honestly love Mewtwo. In his story, he too had to fight against a narcissistic "parent" (Giovanni), just like I had to against my own. How can it be seen as a crime to want to believe? Or has it been wrong to say "Mewtwo, please teach me to be brave like you" in my mind during the hard times, especially back when I was a lonely child?

Haha, I doubt anyone could ever shame the monster fucker community out of what they are doing. Or the furry community for that matter. 🤣

There always seems to be some sort of underlying misogyny happening. Women are expected to get an IRL husband/boyfriend to serve as soon as possible, so seeing a woman openly rather selfship with a fictional character is threatening to them, because how dare a woman not be in the kitchen and make sandwiches for a man? How dare a woman prefer to be single when there is a "male crisis of loneliness" happening?

Then again, I don't think I owe society anything. Where was society when I was abused? Where was the help or the community when I needed them most? I was left to my own devices. When a fictional character like Mewtwo brings someone like me more hope than any IRL human, that's how I know we failed as a society. Even sicker is that other more destructive forms of coping mechanisms are more encouraged. Somehow selfshipping is seen as more evil by the "moral police" than dying from a drug overdose on the streets or having alcoholism.

Anyone who ever complains to me about "ruining Mewtwo" or whatever - no, you aren't "concerned", you are just using that word to camouflage that what you really want is control over me and what I put out there. And i can tell you it is futile. I haven't survived so far just for some snotty brats to tell me what i can or cannot do in MY online space. Don't like what I post? Tough titties, use the block button. No one is forcing you to look at my "cringe". My cringy stuff brings me joy and makes me happy, and I feel I deserve some happiness in this shitty world of ours. You do too, so just..go and have some fun yourself. Don't waste your only life on policing others.

So yeah, you are right, dagdasgoddess. I will keep giving people "rectal bleeding". 🤣 No one can stop me from loving Mewtwo, my guardian angel that even visits me in my dreams at night, and loves me even when I absolutely despise myself. He will always be a bastion of love for me, a symbol that life is worth living regardless of hardships.

[holocene-sims]

next // previous

july 7, 2021 1:15 p.m. grant's house

[colm] wait, how do you have this recipe then?

[grant] i literally don't know. i found the note with it when i moved to los angeles before and, uh, it just said "xoxo, your boyfriend" at the bottom. like i know vaguely where it came from but my memory stops there.

[grant] now stop deflecting!

[colm] you first.

[colm] but alright, alright. you know the basic shit about my life, right? single mom, dad out of the picture, three siblings all with different baby daddies, and no other family because they disowned my mother for getting pregnant with me as a teen. the white trash experience. but wait, it gets worse.

[colm] my mom’s oldest brother was kind of still there, but not in any real fashion. more like: “sure, ellen, i suppose your son can sit at the back table at my pub and watch hurley on the television until his sisters are done with their after school activities and can walk them home.”

[colm] bastard. hey, ellen, i know you’re nearly homeless and your nine year old son is reading on the internet at the library how to make macaroni and cheese for dinner for all of you while you're busy waiting tables, but i won’t come over to babysit or nothing.

[colm] still, he let me over in the afternoons and was nice enough to teach me how to pour beers and such when i was the right age to do it, so here i am.

[colm] it’s really the only skill i have. despite my degree in philosophy, i was always a terrible student. i have the worst dyslexia known to man and my other jobs in the past were doing security at an airport and moving furniture. real impressive. so, this is miles better in pay and for my sanity.

[colm] besides, if we’re getting real emotionally squishy here, i was so lonely all the time growing up. nothing’s better for your social life than your mom always out working, no other family around, and having to turn down your friends’ invitations to hang out most of the time because you have to look after your siblings.

[colm] going to my uncle’s place was the least lonely place i ever was because all the old men who came as regulars felt bad for me and would talk to me. mostly about sports, but i like sports, so that was fine. i suppose you could say this place i own makes me feel a little less lonely as well.

[grant] i'm sorry things were so–

[colm] ahh, cut that shit out, it’s fine! i'd rather the man with a mammy who beat him not apologize to me about my childhood. i'm over it. fucking sucks but whatever. at least my guardian wasn’t my biological father. that piece of shit’s in prison for life for murder.

[grant] mur–

[colm] he got in with organized crime because he was broke and out of work. oh, and he was way older than my mom. surprise, surprise. classic stab city in the 90s. he actually tried to murder my mother once after she broke up with him, too. that day's hard to forget.

[grant] man, that sounds pretty bad. like egregiously bad. major childhood trauma bad.

[colm] old ellen’s alive.

[grant] uhhhhh, well, some person out there isn’t.

[colm] people.

[grant] oh.

[grant] oh my god.

[grant] anyway, uh, i was just going to say that i'm sorry you suffered. you deserved to have your needs met and you deserved stability and safety. i know nothing can be done about the past but that’s not a fair way for a child to grow up, even if your mother has reasons and explanations for it. and you don’t have to minimize it on grounds of other people’s experiences. bad is just that: bad. it’s not the sad childhood olympics here.

[colm] i really don’t care. i left all of that behind when i came here to live with shannon. you all are very nice to me. you’re my replacement family. you all mean a lot to me.

[colm] maybe replacement sounds bad...but, ah, well...

[colm] i can't believe i'm telling anyone other than shannon any of this bullshit. i feel absolutely disgusting.

[colm] sometimes when i was younger i'd look at other families and wish i had that. i used to wonder what it was like to have a family, and i suppose i finally understand. and it's nice.

[grant] i'm glad that you know we love you. you are a part of us. you are family. hell, i love you dearly. you're a great friend and a great person and you make shannon happy, which is important.

[grant] do you ever talk to your family? like your biological family?

[colm] yes and no. i invited them to the wedding and clearly you know they came. you were there. the only one i talk to often is molly but it’s because they’re the youngest and, well, the most like me, so i try to steer them away from making the same mistakes as me. that is, please don’t become a delinquent and please tell someone you think something’s wrong with your brain when you think there is.

[colm] my mother just pisses me off. i know she loves me and always has but she tries so much harder to show it now that i'm an adult and i can’t stand it. it’s overbearing. it's like, where was all this affection twenty years ago, ellen? and my other siblings...one’s fine, the other i don’t get along with.

[colm] don’t go apologizing about that either.

[grant] i won’t. but i get it. family relationships are complicated. siblings are difficult sometimes.

[colm] do you have–

[grant] i have two sisters. and yes, i don’t talk about them, like, ever. now continue what you were saying!

[colm] don’t get me wrong, i love all of them. i'd die for them. i might not want to talk to them much but i'm not disloyal or nothing. but because i love them, i reserve the right to admit when they’re obnoxious or what they’ve done wrong. it’s a disservice to all of us to lie and say i'm so happy with them and that we get along swimmingly.

[grant] so...you’re admitting things weren’t great.

[colm] i'm alive and not all the way fucked up. that’s good enough.

[colm] but thank you. i know you mean it. you’re like shannon and you say it because you care, not because you pity me, which is what a lot of others do. i do appreciate it.

[liliallowed]

As I am a chaotic force to challenge the will of the dust(*cough* father) loving side of things-

How about we actually take a look at the demon. They're teaching us SOMETHING. Sans taught us NOTHING. Oh, nothing against Sans of course, still enjoy the guy. However this demon is doing us a favor.

Did we deserve to be dragged into this? Technically, no. All of us have our faults in this situation. However we make the most of it!

Let's do this: Training can be over for the day or have a break, what else is there to do rather than relax. Haven't we got that one show to finish? Let's invite the demon to watch it with us. Bit of a thank you. But don't be too buddy buddy as a bit of a screw you.

Doing this could lead to us asking why.

Why are they doing this, why us, why does this any of this matter? We were mostly fine before all this. Not like it's been regrettable, unless you count the almost getting killed part. But what's the point of any of this? Giving us the reset, having our own hurtful ANF self destructive situation. What does anyone gain from it apart from senseless action that will only drive us further to crazy town?

fake answer? they're bored

real answer? they feel lonely.

"a break??" they glance at your tired body and sore posture, then back at your face. "right. forgot people actually get tired in this world..."

they hand you a water bottle that manifested out of thin air. seemingly from a pocket dimension called "inventory".

"don't you?" you ask as you suspiciously eye the water bottle, examining it for traces of poison or unsavory chemicals. it looks like an ordinary unopened bottle.

"every once a 6 FULL resets maybe. sure." they chuckle. "that's... estimated to be 15 years of your time and a single day's work for me. if you live 2.5 years each reset."

"w-wait HOW OLD ARE YOU!?"

"meh. time moves differently for me so asking that question is silly. I'm... in my early 20s if relative age is what you mean... literal age? I'd have to calculate... hmm 2X times 365 times 15... more than 109575 years of your time approximately! not to mention I've seen the birth and death of your universe like... 9X times by now... "

"you're joking. what are you, Cthulhu?"

"kinda yeah actually! summed it up pretty well!"

you blink and look at them with doubt. you knew they were dangerous but a world ending calamity and a cosmic horror beyond this dimension seemed a bit much.

"so you don't eat, sleep or rest you just... exist?"

"yep. well, I regenerate limbs and my health when I eat so eating is still benifitial to me. aaand I can't taste, or smell or feel physical pain or pleasure. I can hear and see just fine though."

you instinctively put you hand on theirs, to test it, giving it a light pich.

they did not react. didn't even flinch. their hand didn't seem to be an unfeeling object. it was warm and natural Ike any normal hand but... the lack of response to any tickling attempts you made on it confirmed it.

"how do you... feel things then?"

"it's usually just trial and error. timing, and putting different amounts of strength to something that you can't feel."

"it it like... sensory deprivation?"

"I wouldn't know. it's like asking a blind person what color is... well... after they lost their eyesight hehe. I know the feeling of taste and smell. butttt well, not here."

"oh... is that why you act so extreme?"

"kinda? but also there's always so little consequence to anything I do. so it kinda takes the fun out of it... while also making it more fun... you know? like playing chess. pawns die all the time but you can just bring them back when you reset the board! so... did it even matter that the pawns died?"

"you... see others as... toys? chess pieces?"

"mm... only the ones that forget are pawns. dusty bones is... more of a chess rival rather than a pawn himself. an equal. like you! you're also a newbie to this game that he's trying to get rid of but I won't let him."

you cringe at the thought of the concept of slaughtering people as a game yet decide to listen anyway.

"it's been just me and him for so long. the same dance the same song... and neither of us knew any better. I was scared of change and him forgetting me... or worse, forgiving me. he was scared to forget and let me go because of his vengeance."

"you WANT him to hate you!? WHY!?"

"having a faithful enemy is better company than forgetful friends. it's why I don't sugar things for you hun. I'm a bad person. feel free to rub it in, you'll only feed my ego. I wanted to spice things up a bit in this bland rivalry of ours."

"I'm... am I just a tool to you?"

"no, in fact, y/n you're one of the few people I actually give a damn about. you and riding hood of course."

"I don't know why but I find that even worse -_-"

"hehehe. glad to be a motivator for you either way goody two shoes. try not to cave into the dark side. me and bone head have waaaay too much of boring old edgy drama going on. you're a breath of fresh air."

"you... I... you're a horrible person."

"yes, and? you're point? heard that plenty times darling it starts to lose it's weight after you've committed several war crimes just for the thrill of it"

"is THAT why you gave me the reset and... are trying to train me to defend myself? a stupid GAME!?"

"mmm. yeah. that's about it. it's just cuz I'm bored. besides, dust likes you and he doesn't let just ANYONE in or let his gaurd down easily. something must've been special for him to pick you?"

"but it's NOT! IM LITERALLY JUST THE MOST AVERAGE PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE"

"an average person wouldn't have explored the kidnappers basement to save more victims. or let their curiosity get the best of them. and they wouldn't have the capacity to bother being bone head's partner or remain loyal even after knowing he will kill you despite your relationship" they pause. "or that could just be Stockholm syndrome..."

they pat you on the back. "meh, we're all a bit crazy."

you wonder if that's actually the case. they do seem to have a point... DO YOU HAVE STOCKHOLM SYNDROME!?

"oh that means a lot coming from YOU."

"hehehe. you'll have to set the bar to negative hun."

[viovio]

PLEASE i need your thoughts on the re8 shadows of rose dlc...

HOLYYY SHIT THANK YOU FOR ASKING ME THISSSSS (real rambly and nonsensical below)

god the expansion on rose's life was nice but it felt so. idk how to say it! it's certainly weird that chris would let her attend a public school and knowing capcom it's either an oversight or more telling of their relationship. i found it really sweet but so dismissive because of her case as a bioweapon and still having snipers trained on her at all times😭 (as seen in the epilogue)

there's so much that's left to be desired because as a triple a game the graphics are on POINT but most of the story just falls flat to me!! why was mia forced out of her life?! (because capcom could not care to develop her any more) why did no one tell her about ethan?? was there no one left to teach her how to develop her powers before this?

I'll be honest i could answer that last one on my own bc the context feels to me that they've learned from the connections' harsh treatment of eveline (and i don't think mia would let them) that dehumanizing an all-powerful weapon is basically asking to be blown up, so they decide to treat her with a modicum of respect. Which still isn't a lot given how much her life sucks under them. God she's lonely

And Eveline being bought back here to still be treated like that just pisses me the fuck off. What the FUCK DO YOU MEAN Rose sees a little girl who was in her exact position but deprived of love and proper family figures and instead writes that off with "yes she's evil don't EVER compare me to her!!!" Damnit that just regresses her development through this journey even more. she's a kid too but c'mon. Ethan you're in trauma hell too and i get that but so's Evie. I'm gonna scream forever.

This is getting way too much of complaining but it's deserved. Proper character studies aren't capcoms suit but man😭 I'll be a bit more light and say i still fucking love Rose, the parts with Ethan promising to be with her all her life just fucking obliterates me. She's an amalgamation of different people to others and it broke her self image a lot methinks.

I also like how it didn't go the "oh it was so simple all along i need my powers because they make me who I am!!" like Ethan wholeheartedly supported her decision to get rid of them because her happiness and choice will always be his first priority. They chose each other they💥💥💥

UGH and her comments make her character stand on her own sm. Literally my bestfriend. In my ideal world she asks why he called Evie a bitch. Her clones and Miranda's efforts to bring someone back and unsatisfied with her attempts and work is not lost on Rose. I really love the main game's storybook tale thing already and this was just adding so much to it Rose Evie I'm getting you outta there

[calypso-finale]

Eighty. Part 2

Halle gagged “you can’t make tea for shit sister, what the hell” I groaned out “I literally bought all this tea shit for you girls and I still get disrespected” I have had enough “the milk to water ratio is sickening, what the hell, you saving away milk for yourself” they make me mad “whatever, I don’t do tea. You know I am American and y’all are so protective of this tea business” I huffed out, Lillian cooed out “aww I am sorry, we joking. Thank you, we will teach you the way my British queen” I chuckled “how was France though? Fendi treated you well?” nodding my head “you saw all the kids clothes they gave me, it was good. I enjoyed working it was a breath of fresh air but like I wish they let me do my degree, which they won’t. They like nah, you model and shut up, but it was ok. I think it’s going to be a thing of I will be going France a lot more than just that, it’s lonely though, just me on my own but I saw Ti and her man” they let out an oh “yeah, sitting there like a third wheel was shit, I am like in the city of love, and I am sat here awkward, but they was ok, Taylan was ok. He seemed quiet or was told to be quiet, maybe. They are still going strong, I guess. Maybe moving out is the way forward” I grinned “maybe keeping your hands to yourself is too” Halle said and gasped “sorry, it just naturally flowed out” I scoffed “so how is he? I mean I don’t want to ask but like, do you know? I saw your dad play off the hospital visit, it was smooth of him” Halle is whispering like it’s a dirty secret “erm, I don’t actually know. That is the honest truth, I know that Aziel went to see him with my dad, he didn’t like it so to me I am like what does he look like, in my mind I am like how does he look, I saw him from the cameras, when he was coming in with my dad” Lillian put her hand up “hold on? He is here, in this house” nodding my head “yeah, because erm, my dad comes from LA to help him, he promised him” Lillian cooed out “that is so sweet, oh my god. So he comes and helps him” nodding my head, Halle placed her hand over her heart “nah my heart can’t take, how sweet is that of your dad, awww so he comes to help him then?” she asked “yeah, and he asked and said like Wadz needs a break, it will be a few days. He is in the room, he hasn’t left since, it’s been the second day now since the treatment and the picture, and he hasn’t left it. He just sleeps, my dad was like make him Oats, I did. He didn’t eat, my dad said he was sick. I don’t know, I just” I shrugged, I am speechless really, I don’t know what to feel.

I sighed out “bless him, oh Mr Brown. How is Oakley?” my dad walked in “oh he is well as he can be, erm he is sitting up now” Halle cooed out “does he look like how we assume?” Halle is asking what I am thinking “it breaks my heart to see him but when I am done with him he is going to be on top again, his treatment is doing good but it’s taking it out of him, he has his moments of depression and it’s talking to him about it. But he is ok, erm Rylee. Can I speak to you” my dad said, I hope it isn’t more bedsheets, I barely got the ones he ruined cleaned right now. Making my way out behind him “erm, yeah Oakley is up, he isn’t really asking to do anything. He is just on his phone catching up with his friends slowly, but I really want him to see Aziel, I think Aziel will be ok, but I am going to ask him and if you can just be there because he will want his mom, and if you’re ok with it, he will be too. He has at that age where he is confused, and he will look to mom. I think if we put a hat on Oakley, he will be ok. I will see if he is ok with it but I know he is missing him but he doesn’t want him to be scared of him, I did mention it but like it’s that fear he will cry about it” nodding my head “I haven’t seen him since, the last image in my mind is seeing him on the stage in LA and that was it, so this” my voice broke “you need to be strong because it’s not about you, it’s about him” nodding my head “ok, if he is ok with me being there, then yeah” I need to suck it up.

Sitting back down with the girls “your dad is dramatic” Halle laughed “he literally stood there, and we heard” I sniggered “yeah, he probably didn’t want to just stand there with you girls, oh my god” I breathed out “I can imagine, it’s hard. You want the lasting image to be that smiling guy on stage, he was so happy and to see him, good luck sister” I swallowed hard “but your dad is right, you need to be a parent. Your feelings don’t matter, what you say to him, you telling him. It’s dad, it’s this. Aziel is confused because I mean he saw dad then, that guy in the gang taking him out and now he is different. He is thinking and looking, if he does come and he does want it. You better act right, it isn’t about you, it’s about your son” these girls already telling me off “you’re right” I mumbled “I do miss him, I heard my dad talking to him in the middle of the night, just hearing his voice and my dad telling him stories. My dad and his boring stories, and all I could think of is Oakley pulling that scowl face like he is listening, but he isn’t but if you ask he will know” I chuckled “it’s lonely” I added “mhmm, you not thought of looking for another?” Halle asked “no” shaking my head “I am sorry but that is the last thing I want in life, another man. I am being strong, I am. Like when I posted that about him, my mom told me I need to grow up, you want to be grown, do it. You aired yourself out as this violent girl, I am ashamed. Then they clowned him again about I was hitting him, my mom said to me that I am on my own with my shit, I need to do some soul searching too. So yeah I just threw myself into work, but I am not looking for a man, I want the man upstairs really. I messed up so yeah it’s me having to fix it, I hope I can” I shrugged “you want him back then?” nodding my head “I do, come on. Me and him never ended and never will, I messed it up, but I do need to grow up, so yeah that is what I am doing” I don’t want another “mhmmm Kenza is there though, I mean mhmm” Lillian mentioned “he loves me, even she herself can tell you he doesn’t love her. Yeah they are friends but there is no love there” I spat.

Kicking my cupboard door shut up “keep banging it, keep doing it I will be getting angry and you won’t like it” Aziel put his hands up “no mommy” rolling my eyes “well stop doing it, just being silly” I hate this age, like he is just everywhere and I sometimes lose him in this home which I do hate also I am feeling a little nervous seeing Oakley but my dad said that I will feel my heart drop but don’t show it, I got to be strong because I want Aziel to see him “mommy I go” he asked, shaking my head “wait, papa is going to come. You want to see dad?” He nodded his head “my dad, I see him” smiling at Aziel “yes baby you will see him” the door opened “papa I go out” my dad looked at me “come” oh I feel nervous now “ ok let’s go then” I said, Aziel followed behind my dad “you pushing me now” my dad chuckled, he went into the living room “bro, you sleeping again!?” My dad spat, walking into the living room “daddy” Aziel spat, Oakley has a hat on but looked up at me and my heart right now, I looked away “about to fall asleep on us again” sitting down on the couch, Aziel is stood just looking at Oakley “you not going to say hi to dad” my dad said to him, Aziel looked at me, but Oakley is so silent “what’s wrong” he ran into me and stood next my legs and rested against me “Aziel, you not going to say what’s up to dad? He missed you” Oakley is just staring and the way he is staring hard can be a little scary on his end, Aziel turned to me “what’s wrong?” I asked him, he started speaking all these words, they aren’t even words is just mumbles and things “papa is there, dad missed you so much, he was saying how he misses you with the boys, you want mommy to go” I said “yes mommy go” this child, we are all adults right “you’re being silly, it’s dad” Aziel held my hand, this is so hard because this treatment has took it out of him so much, he has such beautiful skin and tone but you can tell it’s just taking that from him “see it’s dad” my dad is just smiling, Aziel put his finger in his mouth, he looks so sad “what’s up?” Oakley finally said something “see, you sit on papa lap” picking him up and placing him on my dad’ lap “little drama aren’t you” someone needs to apply lotion to his skin, like why ain’t nobody doing that, I swallowed hard and looked up at him, but I quickly turned away, a little sob left my lips because this is so sad to see.

Aziel is for once being good, he is just looking at Oakley “am I not your guy anymore?” He said to him, he smiled. He put his fist up, Aziel dapped him but so hard “damn, I’m weak you doing that. Birthday coming up soon” he said, my dad looked at me to not say anything “I mean nah, I missed that. I will make it up to you” Aziel reached up to take his hat “you don’t want to do that” my dad stopped him “no I give kiss” he said “nicely” my dad made sure “please” he said and it made Oakley smile “come” he said to him, Aziel is warming up to him I just think he was confused on how to take him because of how he looks “awww” my dad said, Aziel kissed his cheek and hugged him “I miss you” even that is hitting my heart, Oakley hugged him and he just cried “it’s alright” my dad flicked a tear patting his leg, Oakley has got me sobbing now “I’m so sorry” Oakley said to him, looking up at them both, Aziel is just resting his head on his shoulder but he’s really crying “Oakley, it’s ok. I told you he’s good, you don’t need to cry” my dad said “I missed his birthday, I fucked up I can’t be there for him” he said to my dad “you will get better, it’s ok man. You about to heal and get better, and Aziel will still be here waiting for you” my dad really wiping Oakley tears, I am flabbergasted, just shocked “we love you over here, we do” Aziel lifted his himself up “dad I wear” I knew what he was going to do, and he just snatched the hat from his head and put it on his, looking at him I sadness he had such thick, luxury hair, he had good hair and to see him bald. Aziel reached up and touched his head “you still love me yeah?” Oakley asked and Aziel just kissed him “you good Oakley, you going to be ok” I hurt for him so much, Aziel doesn’t care at all, but he was just curiously confused on why his dad did change on him, I am happy Aziel is making him happy, he’s smiling, and I love that “just overwhelming, you know” Oakley said, “just everything is shit, but it’s good to see someone that is happy spirited, that energy is good” Aziel is smiling at me “you happy now?” I said to him “my boy” I knew he would start saying that when he with Oakley.

Well this is awkward my dad left the room and Aziel decided to chase him outside too, I am not even sure what to say but just sit here or should I speak to him, I mean I do care about him, I shouldn’t stay silent, I should say something. Looking over at him and he is just staring down at his lap “don’t you have like lotion for your skin to put on” he looked up at me “uh yeah they did” he mumbled “just don’t have it in me to put it on, my cousin she comes and does it sometimes, she knows” letting out an oh “that is good, you told her” he nodded his head “I can’t expect them to do everything, it’s hard” he laughed “so I just let it happen, she comes and she does it on my arms and back, chest” he explained “you know I would do it for you, you know I would. It was never that” he shook his head “I am not your pity” rolling my eyes “but you’re not, you let my dad help you?” I questioned “he does it because he actually loves me” I frowned “and I don’t!?” I spat “I do love you, I fucked up. I told you I did” he shuffled off of the couch and slowly got up and so did I “Oakley, I am sorry ok. I fucked up, I had a lot on my mind, a lot going and then when you was seen like that I snapped, I did ok. I would have never hurt you that way, I miss you! I miss having you around” Oakley is that skinny his bottoms are slipping down “let me help you please, let me do this. It was never to do with pity, I don’t pity you ok. I am sorry, you told me to not drink, you told me not smoke weed because I act out and I did it. I am sorry” my dad walked in “you harassing my guest” he said to me, placing my hand in Oakley’ hand, he looked up “you do have the right to do this shit Rylee, I don’t have the mental capability to even think about this. You don’t have the right to think you can say to me you can do better and then be here holding my hand, I don’t want to do this. You know what, I am so glad I am going through this shit, through this pain because I don’t feel” he looked at me “you look me in the eye and you see nothing, for my son I did. I looked at Aziel the same way and he didn’t like it, I had to show the loving side this is why he came to me but I ain’t got anything going on” my lower lip quivering “I love you Oakley, I do. I am not going to get over you and I am not going to let it go” my dad moved me back “we spoke on this, let his hand go” he said, Oakley and I just stared at each other “I am not giving up on us, I am not. I made a mistake” I said “so was Brian, you jump. And jump” he walked off slowly “daddy we go out” Aziel said holding his hand “he has gone through treatment Rylee, what you doing?” my dad said “I haven’t had the chance, I am not giving up on us. I fucking miss him” they don’t understand that I do.

[loser-brain]

This is a vent and rant post.

word length: 1029

My mother gave me a lecture earlier about life and how she's worried for me. How I don't have a job and I should get out there and live life and earn money... totally ignoring that my hands are fucked up.

Even when I told her that the doc I went to see to help fix my hands gave me the okay to keep doing art but to avoid repetitive work, such as factory work (which my mother wants me to do). You know what she told me, mind you, she NEVER met my doc.

Your doctor actually told me that you can work in factory work.

BITCH NO HE DID NOT. HE LITERALLY WANTS ME TO AVOID WORK because of how young I am. That is a concern to him that a young woman (at the time 19-20) was already showing signs of nerve damage in the hands. THAT'S BAD. LIKE REALLY BAD.

I'm still in pain and honestly, I've held my tongue because I have expressed that the pain is back and it hurts. And you wanna know what my mother told me when I mentioned that to her two years ago.

That's impossible, I literally paid a doctor to fix your hands. You're making it up because YOU don't want to work.

This isn't a surgeon doc this is more of a physical therapy professional. But still, he doesn't recommend me to get surgery because there is still a high chance that me going through all of that would be a waste because the pain would either linger like now or worse BECOME worse than it already is.

I've tried so hard to explain to her what my doctor has told me but no. She's a narcissist, very self-absorbed with herself (to the point she will not stop using HERSELF as an example), thinking having carpal tunnel is the same as what I'm experiencing (When really the doc and my other doc could not figure out what the fuck was wrong with my hands so they had to conclude that it was similar TO carpal tunnel and dominant hand injury (both of my hands hurt at the time now the pain had traveled to my arms. But like I said, I've sucked it up and bit my tongue because they, my family, will not listen to me anymore)).

You wanna know how this WHOLE conversation started...

I literally was just loud last night. Having a fun time with my friends and watching them play games, chatting with them, and also drawing art with them as well.

That is what started this conversation.

And here's the thing. Yeah, my art work scheduled is slow, but I'm not stopping. I'm constantly looking out for new ways to help my small shop to grow. Granted this year, was by far the slowest and not very motivating year. But I'm learning to grow. I'm finding out a schedule that works for me. and it's very frustrating that I have to explain myself that I am trying to be a freelancer. It really is.

Like I'm serious, when I say, I'm trying to work (such as making new designs or doing commissions) you wanna know what happens next... I get yelled at by my mother. Berated how I don't work and how I'm lazy.

It pisses me off it really does. AND it's upsetting. It hurts so damn much. Especially, if you have read my old rants about how I was treated like a punching bag. How I had to keep the house clean (I still do it) because it would look like a party took place because I'M HOME.

It hurts. It's upsetting. This isn't the first time she did this either. EVERY. TIME. I have fun with my friends online it's always, "oh? you have friends, You should go out more, get a job, oh my god are you sad, it must be lonely, you don't know how to take care of yourself—"

I MOVED TO A NEW STATE FOR COLLEGE. I TOOK CARE OF MYSELF WITH ROOMMATES. I HAD TO BE SMART AND FINANCE MY MONEY WISELY SUCH AS NOT BUYING LUXURY ITEMS EVERY DAY. I HAD TO WALK IN A DANGEROUS NEIGHBORHOOD JUST TO GET MORE ART SUPPLIES FOR MY CLASSES. I TAUGHT MYSELF HOW TO COOK. HOW TO CLEAN AND NOT MAKE MUSTER GAS ON ACCIDENT. I LEARNED SO MUCH IN COLLEGE THAN I WOULD HAVE EVER LEARNED AT HOME. BECAUSE SHE REFUSED TO TEACH ME HOW TO DO IT.

yeah, I can't drive a car... because ✨ trauma ✨ and yeah... I made a post about it too. You wanna know who gave me that trauma... my mother :')

And to conclude, that makes me laugh every time. I no longer go see a therapist because get closer... my problem is my environment and how it revolves around my mother. The problem is that my mother constantly meddled in my life the moment I START becoming an individual. Because she's slowly losing the one person in her life that would stick with her. So she wants to be seen as a savior because that is how she was with other people. She helps people, but when someone rejects her help she gets defensive... for no reason.

I love my mother, English is not her first language so of course we would be hitting some language barrier because she just doesn't understand a word. But I'm slow and have tried so many times to make her understand. I'm fine.

Arm wise, no I'm actually in pain typing all of this. Like it hurts like hell right now. But like, yeah, I'm fine, could be better, but at the same time, I'm making it work.

I've mellowed out now but man, I was really mad and upset that she just kept doing this every time I'm having a blast with my friends. Should I be more quiet, yes. Is it upsetting that she kept doing this, yeah, it really is. It hurts a lot.

Sorry for venting I need to get this out of my system because I know damn well this will not be the last.

[laumera]

what now?

why the heck I keep seeing her in my dreams ... by her I mean my mom.. she left me in this world over than 10 years ago ... but why she bothers my dreams rn? why now? of course I had her in my dreams before too but now, Idk why and now?.. is it because I'm angry at her more than ever?.. don't get me wrong, she was an angel!.. but she did huge mistakes for the sake of protecting me.. and they literally cost my life ... you don't -shouldn't- lie to your kid while trying to protect her about this bloody world!.. she didn't teach me how are people in real life ... and I was a naive kid, unfortunately... when she left my side -thanks to cancer- I was like 4 years old kid, all alone and lost in this big world ... but in the reality I was a teenager but with 4 years old's mind and innocence ... sooo as you can guess easily, everyone who I met tried to fuck me! physically or spiritually or both ... because I was like a kid who goes after every bloody stranger who gaves her a sugar ... even my so-called family tried to fuck me... can you believe that if I told you, I asked my half brother for money -100 bucks- when I hadn't any, he gave me but when I got my orphan salary one week later, I gave his money back to him and he took it!.. he was older than me and had a job ... but why shouldn't he took it! right? because it was bloody money! oh my stars, how could you turn down money even if your poor half sister gives you!.. while she doesn't even go to university and hasn't even a job!.. that son of a bitch!.. I hate him... I always will ... whatever ... nobody helped me to achieve my goals.. nor teach me how people are in reality ... and this huge mistake that my mom did, cost my life ... I mean I love her and nobody can talk shit about her! but it's still the truth ... I wonder what she wants now ... I was always alone after her ... more than ever ... my only home is the child ... that's why when I felt lonely or cold I always ran to him ... looks like I still am ... Laume RA

[finelinevogue]

age is just but a number

insta concept: harry (47) is your sugar daddy and CEO of Styles Cosmetics. you (20) are in your last year of uni.

warning: slight r rated content?! idk??

107 likes

yourinstagram pov: you do an english degree

7 comments

yourinstagram pov: harry just dropped tea all over my books

styles_CEO @/yourinstagram That’ll teach you to pay more attention to me.

yourinstagram @styles_CEO go fuck a cactus

styles_CEO @/yourinstagram I’d rather you.

yourinstagram @/styles_CEO my mum has ig…

496,437 likes

tmznews CEO Harry Styles arriving in JFK airport today - 23/7/21 - in preparation for tonight’s new ‘Baby’ cosmetic line launch party. Read more here…

12,927 comments

harryfan1 fuck he’s such a dilf

harryfan2 wow though

yourinstagram poser🙄

styles_CEO @/yourinstagram Say that again.

harryfan3 @/styles_CEO WWHAT ?!???

harryfan4 WHO IS Y/N?????

1,827 likes

yourinstagram let the evening begin✨👑

90 comments

harryfan1 who is she? like she’s fucking stunning

styles_CEO @/harryfan1 *they

yourinstagram @/styles_CEO <3

y/nbff literally fuck me

y/nfan1 i’m now ur biggest fan

harryfan2 too many fat rolls

yourinstagram @/harryfan2 i don’t give a fuck ♥️

1,862,038 likes

StylesCosmetics ‘Baby’ Out Now.

294,928 comments

harryfan1 oh that looks like it smells lush

harryfan2 i would bathe in this

y/nfan1 i wonder whether y/n would wear this?

yourinstagram @/y/nfan1 they do :)

mitchrowland Congrats H!!

13,927,162 likes

styles_CEO Kisses to last night

1,027,727 comments

yourinstagram damn that could be a song title

styles_CEO @/yourinstagram Don’t tempt me.

harryfan1 fuck he’s hot

y/nfan1 i would

harryfan2 i am the lady in the background rn

harryfan3 HE MATCHED HIS NAILS TO Y/Ns OUTFIT

487,436 likes

yourinstagram hi i’m ‘baby’

12,927 comments

y/nfan1 omg they are so beautiful

harryfan1 so harry made a perfume after y/n???

styles_CEO @/harryfan1 More like ‘for Y/N’.

harrypriv827 baby don’t tease me

yourinstagram @/harrypriv827 i’m all yours xo

19,537,476 likes

styles_CEO My inspiration.

2,017,287 comments

harryfan1 i want to be them

harryfan2 their tattoos are so sick!!!

yourinstagram you’ll make me cry🥺

styles_CEO @/yourinstagram Come cuddle me then.

StylesCosmetics Look everyone! It’s Baby!💎

1 likes

y/npriv1037 just for you

harrypriv827 All for me? Fucking heaven

y/npriv1037 @/harrypriv827 want me to cum over?

harrypriv827 @/y/npriv1037 Baby i’m offended you had to ask…

48 likes

y/nbff pov: y/n forced me to a bagel shop at 2am bc they were hungry and needed to study

harrypriv827 Will you make sure y/n gets home safely please? And tell them to not work so hard🤍

y/npriv1037 @/harrypriv827 H baby i’m okay <3 i’ll call you later xx

harrypriv827 @/y/npriv1037 Alright. Love you baby girl.

y/nbff pov: y/n and harry are interacting in my comments and reminding me i’m lonely

307,971 likes

tmznews CEO Harry Styles and fling Y/N L/N leaving Filo’s Restaurant last night - 28/7/21 - Read more here…

8,028 comments

harryfan1 they’re both so hot

harryfan2 harry could do better sigh🙄

styles_CEO @/harryfan2 No he really couldn’t.

yourinstagram fling is an interesting word

styles_CEO @/yourinstagram Thought you were my baby? :(

y/nfan1 y/n is the most beautiful star

[abitlanga]

Hellow! If you don't mind~ can I ask for Miya, Reki and Langa with a senpai!s/o who is always encouraging and helping them with whatever they want? Basically mom!s/o~ I would like if you make it f!reader, but I am very comfortable with gn!reader too!! Thank you a lot💜

the sk8 boys with a senpai!so

➯ miya, reki, langa

➯ warnings: nothing rlly, just fluff + a lot of bad writing hahah

➯ a/n: skdndnejd i had so much fun writing this aghh

hi hi hi!! tysm for being my first request on this account! also i’m suuuper sorry it’s so late 🥺😅 i hope you liked it!

MIYA CHINEN

➯  siiiiigh miya 🥰

➯  our precious baby cat boy <3

➯  he may act like he doesn’t care too much around his friends or in public

➯  but privately? he’s within 3 ft of you at all times

➯  he loves the way you’re always so doting towards him

➯  if he’s had a particularly bad day, he’ll call you up all whiney like

➯  “babe :((( could you please come over later?”

➯  and honestly HOW are you supposed to say no to him when you can practically hear his pout through the phone speaker

➯  he’ll cuddle up to you, even when he’s not having a bad day

➯  run your fingers through his hair and he’ll be nearly purring in your lap

➯  he also really loves whenever you’re around him at school 

➯  he may not have many friends, but he never feels lonely when his lovely girlfriend is around

➯  basically, just show him a lil extra love

➯  baby deserves it <3

REKI KYAN

➯  omg PLEASE!!

➯  reki is such a fun boyfie!!!

➯  he literally brags to all of his friends about how he’s dating their hot senpai

➯  absolutely LOVES showing off his girlfriend to everyone 

➯  especially when you come to one of his matches at S

➯  he’s got a literal heart of gold

➯  maybe that’s why you just can’t help but be doting towards him whenever he gets hurt

➯  it’s always the same routine every week or two

➯  he gets all scraped up during a beef 

➯  he shows up at your place late at night knocking on your window

➯  “reki?”

➯  all he can do is smile nervously as you let out a small sigh and open up the window to let him in

➯  as you’re patching him up, he’s telling you dumb dad jokes to make you giggle while he fiddles with a strand of your hair

➯  please please pleeeease kiss his wrist after you finish wrapping it up!!

➯  he’ll blush and melt into your touch right on the spot

LANGA HASEGAWA

➯  ok so i hc langa as being rather shy around girls in general right?

➯  like yea, he’s a laid back and respectful guy around other men and adults

➯  but throw a pretty girl into the mix? he’s a goner

➯  so when he finds out that he’s getting shown around school by the prettiest girl he’s ever seen in his life???

➯  call the ambulance! this man has gone into cardiac arrest, y’all

➯  he blushes and stutters every time you’re around him

➯  he can’t help it! he’s just so sweet, and you’re just so damn beautiful! he doesn’t want to say something stupid

➯  after you’ve been dating for a while, he’ll get more comfortable around you

➯  he loves when you take care of him

➯  when reki is teaching him how to skate, he brings you along to show off a little

➯  (we all know he’s busting his ass on the concrete every 2 seconds, but like be there for support yk?)

➯  reki already loves you! he’s so happy that his new friend has such a cool girlfriend

➯  when you offer the two of them water during their skate sesh? langa can feel his heart beat just a little harder in his chest

➯  oh god, and when you compliment him saying that he’s doing a great job???

➯  he’s ready to propose on the spot

© all content belongs to abitlanga 2021. do not modify or repost.

[zhanyes]

Tianshan dating headcannons because i also love these two dumbasses too

Also dedicated to @el-mundo-real who requested tianshan headcannons 🖤

. . .

- Literally no one knows whether they’re dating or not. Not even themselves because they don’t talk about it

- Jian yi thinks they’re dating already and Zhengxi says they’re still getting there (somehow they’re both right) and they make a bet

- He tian likes staying over at Mo’s and he’s gotten pretty close to mama Mo

- Mama Mo teaches him how to knit !! He tried to knit a scarf for Mo but it came out a little messy and tangled. Mo still wears it anyway saying it’s a waste of yarn if not used (He’s actually really touched)

- He eats dinner there about 5 times a week and sleeps over thrice a week. He’s a permanent fixture in the house now, he has his own plate and mug, utensils, toothbrush, a spare key, and more than half of his closet migrated to Mo’s closet

- Sometimes Mo “accidentally” wears He tian’s sweaters and He tian dies a little bit every time

- Sometimes He tian deliberately wears Mo’s clothes and it’s always tighter and a bit shorter on his body so when he moves his arms the shirt rides up. Mo guanshan shouts at him to change and to stop contaminating his clothes but his ears are red anyway

- They bicker A LOT. Over the smallest things because He tian loves riling him up and Mo gets riled up too easily

He tian, for the 7th time in 5 minutes: “What does this thing do?”

Mo guanshan, losing his mind: “THAT’S A FUCKING MICROWAVE WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK IT DO?!”

- There are times when homicide is the best option

Mo Guanshan: “I acknowledge that I can be mean sometimes-”

He tian, in the bathtub: “Sometimes?”

Mo Guanshan: “Shut the fuck up. So I brought you a bath bomb as a peace offering.”

He tian: “That’s a fucking toaster.”

Mo guanshan: “Exactly. A bath bomb.”

- Contrary to what his actions say, Mo guanshan is actually relieved that He tian spends most of his time in their apartment. He tian never told him but he can see how lonely the other teenager is

- Mo guanshan tries to teach He tian chores because He tian knows nothing about cleaning or doing everyday things

Mo guanshan: “How the fuck do you not know how to wash dishes where the hell do you eat?!”

He tian, drinking milk straight out the carton: “Obviously on plates, Momo. I just throw them away after.”

Mo guanshan, sputtering: “WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU THROW OUT PLATES?!”

- The first and only recipe that He tian managed to cook successfully is instant noodles with boiled egg that’s not quite cooked enough. Sometimes he brings Mo noodles as breakfast in bed and he looks so proud of it Mo has a hard time saying that the noodles are overcooked and that noodles aren’t exactly breakfast food (he eats it anyway)

- Mo sometimes, only sometimes, brings He tian grocery shopping because he needs to learn how to buy food for himself. Somehow He tian always ends up in the miscellaneous section where he has a pack of ballpens he’ll never use, 2 journals he’ll also never use, a couple of scented candles, various dog clothes and leashes for the dog he doesn’t have, a couple’s mug, and a vase in his cart

- He tian stopped trying to barge into Mo guanshan’s bed and sleeps on the futon on the floor beside it. It’s not the most comfortable and he had a hard time sleeping on it at first but he likes being in Mo’s company even while sleeping

- Sometimes Mo would move in his sleep and leave his arm dangling on the side of the bed, He tian grabs it of course and Mo wakes up to sweaty palms. He still leaves it for a few moments before harshly slapping away He tian’s hand

- Mo’s hands aren’t smooth at all because of working all the time and practicing the guitar but He tian loves them all the same. He likes to feel the contrast in textures with his slightly smoother hands

- He tian has a thousand pictures of Mo guanshan sleeping in various angles and poses. He has his favorites framed and keeps it on his bedside table in his apartment so when he’s sleeping there he still feels like they’re sleeping together

- Mo guanshan has a few of He tian sleeping but he swears up and down that he'll never do anything as disgusting as that. He makes one of them his wallpaper.

- Sometimes when they don’t feel like sleeping yet they stay up talking and arguing about random things

Mo guanshan: “Why would aliens be in space? The ocean is definitely the way to go.”

He tian: “But why would they be in the ocean? They’ll drown.”

Mo guanshan: “They’re aliens maybe they have gills or some shit.”

He tian: “I’m telling you they’re not in the ocean, Mo.”

Mo guanshan: “And I’m telling you you’re wrong, bastard.”

- On rare days they would stay up talking about their pasts and about life in general, with the lights closed and the only source of light is the moonlights from the window

- One of these nights, Mo told He tian about what happened to his dad and their restaurant, why they’re in so much debt over it and He tian holds Mo’s hand tightly throughout

- He knew better than to say that he could pay for that debt so Mo doesn’t need to worry anymore (He still says it anyway and Mo blew a fuse) but he swore to help Mo through other means

- The next day he orders a whole carton of mangoes, apples and peaches in his apartment and learns how to peel properly through youtube and Zhengxi

- He goes to Mo’s part time job in the grocery and helps him peel fruits, Mo guanshan doesn’t mention anything when he notices the bandaids on the other’s hands but he does cook him beef stew for dinner

- As expected He tian’s presence brings more customers and the manager asks if he wants to work there permanently but he said he’s only working for Mo so the manager can give Mo a raise instead

- Once, Mo got sick so he missed his part time job for the day (He was supposed to give away flyers on the streets) and got extra pissy because He tian didn’t visit him and wouldn’t answer his phone 

- Apparently He tian took over his job for the day and he only finds out when he goes to the manager and the manager asks when his ‘boyfriend’ can come back to work again because the customers love him

- He tian almost never talks about himself but once he talked about the puppy who disappeared after he saves it and then found out that it’s still alive after all these years

- Mo keeps quiet about it the whole time he was talking and the next few days he takes time to knit a small dog plushie and leaves it on He tian’s futon

- He tian didn’t cry, he didn’t (he did), but he hugged Mo and whispered a sincere thank you. For once, Mo lets it happen

- Mo quickly regrets his decision when He tian names the plushie “Chicken sandwich”

- He tian brings Mo in a lot of not-dates (according to Mo) like arcades, ocean parks, festivals, and fairs because he didn’t get to go as a kid and he wants to experience it for the first time with Mo

- They get crazy competitive in every game. Every. Single. One. If it’s a co-op shooting game they would compete on who kills the most enemies, if it’s a harmless crane game it becomes a competition of who can get the most plushies

- They both each have a photobooth strip. Mo keeps his as a bookmarker in a journal, and He tian has his in the back of his phone.

- They go on a double not-date with Jian yi and Zhengxi and it ends up in almost getting chased by a police car at 2 am in pokemon onesies and holding a bag of chips 

- Sometimes Mo would visit his dad in prison and just rant to him about He tian

Mo guanshan: “The nerve of that guy to do something like that in front of a teacher urgh.”

Papa Mo: “Your boyfriend sounds like a fun guy, son. I want to meet him soon.”

Mo guanshan: “BO-BOYFRIEND?!”

Papa Mo: “Yes???”

Mo guanshan: “No??? That bastard isn’t my boyfriend??”

Papa Mo: “Are you sure about that?”

Mo guanshan: “...Yes?”

- Enter gay panique because he doesn’t actually know whether He tian is his boyfriend or not

- They don’t call each other boyfriends and they never talked about it so no??? But they’re also not just friends so maybe??? Do they go on dates?? Can grocery trips be considered dates??

- He rings up Jian yi and the blonde just laughed for 5 minutes straight without stopping and he wonders how he’s still breathing

Mo Guanshan, after hearing Jian yi laughing for 5 minutes: “Are you fucking done?”

Jian yi, trying to catch his breath: “Man this is some top-tier entertainment.”

Mo guanshan: “WELL?!”

Jian yi: “Look bro literally no one knows whether you’re dating, fucking, planning each other’s murder OR planning a murder together.”

Mo guanshan: “What if it’s all of the above?”

Jian yi: “Then congratulations…? Please don’t murder me?”

Mo guanshan: “Urgh you’re fucking useless I should have called Zhengxi.”

Jian yi: “Wait don’t, I don’t wanna lose the bet. How about this, there’s a festival upcoming for couples and families, if He tian asks you then you’re probably, maybe, dating?”

Mo guanshan: “That’s stupid. AND WHAT BET?!”

Jian yi: “Ah woops gotta water my dog.”

- Mo tells himself that it’s stupid and there’s no way he’s falling for that...but he feels disappointed anyway when He tian doesn’t ask him the following days

- He tian asks on the last day before the festival, but he asks mama Mo first and Mo guanshan second cuz he wants to celebrate with both of them. He confessed that he’s never actually went to a festival with a family before so he was trying to build up courage to ask

- Mo guanshan is an absolute goner after that

- On the day of the festival, they find Zhanyi there on a date but decide to leave them alone. While they were leaving Jian yi kept throwing Mo guanshan so much winks that Zhengxi thought he got something in his eye

- The festival was fun but Mo couldn’t take his eyes off how happy and content He tian looks

- Queue cliche fireworks scene but it’s He tian being amazed by the fireworks and Mo looking mesmerized at him thinking, “Ah, I want him to look at me like that.”

- The next day, he drags He tian to visit his dad in jail

Papa mo: “Oh this is a surprise, you’ve never brought someone before?”

He tian, trying to introduce himself: “Hello, sir. I’m He tian, Mo guanshan’s fri-”

Mo guanshan, cuts him off: “Boyfriend. He’s my boyfriend, dad.”

He tian:

[bondsmagii]

My favourite gender moments are when little kids stare at me really hard and try to work out what I am. One time I was in hospital for some exams and this kid in the waiting room was like 👁️👁️. He asked if I was a boy or a girl and I felt like the god of gender for a moment there istg. His mom was like "be polite!" to him but honestly I prefer kids and their questions much more than adults who just assume and look at me like I am an aberration lmao.

god, I know right. I don't know why people assume asking questions is rude. there are rude ways to ask questions, but how are you supposed to teach your kid how to ask questions nicely if you never let them ask questions? this idea that questions = rude is why so many adults just don't ask, and instead avoid or assume -- and that ends up causing more offense, even if only accidentally. when it comes to people's gender, if I'm not sure, I just politely ask. it came up way more often than I thought it would when I worked at a petrol station, because I was a lone worker and so if there was a problem I'd have to call up to the main office and ask them to send a manager down. this resulted in having to say things like "oh, I have a gentleman here who..." etc, and if I wasn't sure or if I was even 1% uncertain, I would just say "hey, what pronouns do you prefer?" I would rather get an odd look than be mistaken and upset somebody, and to be honest literally everyone I asked was just pleasantly surprised I did. one person even told me that I was the first person outside of friends and family to use her pronouns in a totally every day setting, which was exciting because she was still trying them out and that encounter made her realise that yeah, she did like going by those pronouns.

kids are so chill about shit like this, too. you can literally come out with anything and they'll be like "oh, cool". I remember a little cousin once asking me why I painted my nails because he thought only girls did that and I was like nah dude, anyone can do it and he was straight-up like "I'm gonna do that" lmao. I think overall though the most amusing gender-related thing that happened to me was when I was in university and it was a new term so I had all new classmates in my seminar, and we were all just shooting the shit before our professor got there and I could tell that several people were trying to get a reading on if I was a man or a woman. they were very carefully asking questions that would give them hints and I was just as carefully giving answers that told them nothing. I'm pretty sure they never actually got a definitive answer.