#he has definitely asked harley for notes

[spacedace]

It’s been a busy day for Elle by the time she rounds the corner and sees the unattended Batmobile parked in the alley she usually cuts through to go home. But not so busy that she’s willing to ignore the prime opportunity that she’s just stumbled upon.

Bats in the Bowery is always something that gets people’s heckles up - this is Hood’s turf and the people that live there are just as territorial over that as their violent vigilante. Batman himself being in the Bowery might as well be a declaration of war. Sure, when the heavy hitters are out causing shit things are a bit more flexible, but even then the Bats are there with Red Hood. Obviously and clearly tolerated for the time being.

Elle would put good money on Hood not being in the loop that the big Bat himself is currently parked three blocks away from Crime Alley. Which means that the Batmobile, tucked away in the shadows and entirely unattended, is free game.

Fuck it, she decides. 

Jay had asked her and Danny about what kind of rings Jazz likes. He’s on all their emergency contact lists, and he’s offered to officially adopt her and Danny to lighten Jazz’s load a little. He’s put in the time to figure out how to incorporate ectoplasm into his amazing home cooked meals in such a way that it doesn’t cause the food to come back to life just so they can have something tasty and nutritious. 

He’s family.

Which means it’s only right that she honors his place as family, by following in his footsteps.

Even without any of the proper equipment for the job, it’s a lot easier for her to remove the tires than it had been for her soon-to-be brother-in-law all those years ago. All it takes is five minutes, some intangibility and some increased strength and she has a pile of tires wider than her body stacked up behind her. She doesn’t even get any grease on her in the process. It takes more effort to find a pencil in her blackhole of a backpack to write the note she leaves behind tucked under one of the windshield wipers.

Getting the tires home is another story but she eventually manages to scrounge up enough blob ghosts to help her haul them back with her unseen. The little dudes like a little mischief - and like Hood even more - and they need the exercise. She’s not sure exactly what she’s going to do with the tires when she gets home though. One is definitely going to Jay as a present, maybe she could get Skulker to help her mount it on a plaque like one of his hunting trophies? Other than that though, they’re largely just going to take up space in the apartment.

Bill would probably know a guy. Hell, Bill may even want in on the trophy idea as a gift for Hood, he’d been saying that the anniversary of the crime lord taking out Black Mask was coming up. Maybe she could get the goon to help her get the last two tires to a couple of the more fun rogues as gifts? Harley for sure would get a laugh out of it. Ivy would probably be upset over the ecological impact of the creation of the tire, but maybe she could sell the last one to Penguin?

-

Tim blinks at the stack of - very familiar - tires taking up the corner of the Nightingales’ living room. Elle has them arranged in an approximation of a throne with a couple of pillows set down so she can sit more comfortably as she lounges. She barely even glances up at them as Danny leads them inside, slurping at a bright green smoothie as she taps away on her phone.

Danny looks as thrown by the tableau as Tim is. It’s nice to see that Danny isn’t as totally immune to Elle’s shenanigans as he pretends. Though, it’s also mildly terrifying to consider his boyfriend’s little sister is capable of chaos that not even Danny “Danger Twink” Nightingale can come up with.

“Uh…what you got there, Elle?”

Elle, pointedly, takes a long, loud slurp from her smooth as she looks up to meet her brother’s gaze. “New family tradition.” She says, unblinking.

Danny stands there for a long moment before giving a final shrug. “Yeah, sure. Jay will get a kick out of it.”

Tim pulls his phone out and snaps some pictures. Danny is right, of course, Jason is going to love it. But so will everyone else in the group chat.

[ghostfacesvalentine]

Day 11: Halloween Decorating with the muses - Multi!Muse x Fem!Reader

Pairing: Multimuse x Fem!Reader

Warning: Not many, a few mentions of alcohol

Type: Blurb

Request: N/A

Word count: N/A

Prompt: Halloween decorating with the muses

Notes: I’m fucking trying here. I tried to make it as GN as possible <3

Jason Voorhees: You would have to take charge of everything, Jason has absolutely no idea how to decorate even a pumpkin. He has fun though, especially seeing you so focused on making your vision come to fruition. When you noticed it was mainly you making the decisions, you try to incorporate his choices. “Green or purple?” You’d ask him which lights would look better wrapped around the frame of the front door. Jason would just have to point and even if you didn’t agree, you made it work.

Michael Myers: Similar to Jason, he wouldn’t have to take the initiative to decorate, instead he’d just stare at the option he’d like the best. It seemed like he leaned more towards red and pumpkins. He would be the best at helping you put the lights up. As you decorate with him throughout the years, you learn that he’s keen on the classic style of Halloween, black and orange, jack-o’-lanterns, all the fixings.

Tiffany Valentine: She would absolutely be the one to set up the place before you would, everything is on the way, sometimes you could even bump heads but since she’s in love, just as you are, she would make both of your ideas work. If you’re a fan of pinkween, she’s definitely on the same page, but pink doesn’t always mean cute, still a fan of blood and guts, it almost looks like a “my bloody Valentine” theme took over.

Billy Loomis: He couldn’t be more in love with you while watching you try to figure out what goes where and what looks best. Billy would be so dazed at times he’d only snap out of it when you scolded him about helping you pin the lights around the window. Of course he would help you, he’d be very involved in the decision making process. Don’t be surprised when he tries to scare you from time to time, making the skeleton prop jump at you or linger its skeletal hand to graze your arm when you’re not looking. Billy is a handful, no pun intended, but he’s always a great time when it comes to time-bearing tasks.

Stu Macher: Similar to Billy, he’s all in, though I would argue Stu is a tad bit more involved in the decision making process, decorating for Halloween is something Stu is 100000% here for. He’s in deep, going to different stores with you, far and near, you almost regret asking him for help. Of course it’s still fun, he makes the best of it, making you laugh with the props around the store, getting food in the process. It’s almost a three day project due to the shopping, the snacking and the actual decorating.

Patrick Bateman: He’s not very big on decorating for the holidays, even if you insist. If it’s in his apartment, keep it to a veeery minimal, unfortunately. Otherwise, as much as it makes you happy, it makes him cringe that his home looks like a Spirit Halloween store. I don’t think he could stand it for long, taking the decorations down the same day. Your place, however, he wouldn’t mind helping, depending on how many decorations and changes you’re making, he honestly may just hire someone to do it for you both.

Leatherface: Bubba is more than happy to decorate anything all the time, he’s such a delight when it comes to holidays. He’s more than willing to be the one who carries all the wreaths and does the heavy lifting. You can be propped up on his shoulder trying to get the lights to sit at the perfect angle and he’s over the moon. Not to mention, all the treats he’d get after being your brave “little” helper.

Harley Quinn: Also a great time when it comes to decorating, her acrobatic skills truly come in handy. Depending on her mood it can take forever, because she gets to horse around or if she comes in with a “let’s get this shit done” attitude, you both will be sipping PSL’s on the edge of the roof swinging your legs back and forth admiring the 12 ft tall skeleton at the top of your apartment complex. “Are you sure the manager said we could sit him on the rooftop?” You’d ask raising an eyebrow as she sipped the last of her latte. “Mhmm” the flashbacks of her pointing a gun to his face briefly made its way to her train of thought.

Poison Ivy: With wine and a charcuterie board, Ivy is more than willing to move some things around. Though her space would be still decked out in green, a little orange never hurt anyone. Orange lights and pumpkins decorated her room, whatever made you happy. Sipping wine and sitting pumpkins around the crevices as you listened to old Halloween music would be a constant for the first week of October.

Billy Hargrove: Billy never really cared for Halloween, his parents would decorate every so often but nothing crazier than that. When he noticed you were a little bummed out when he declined your invitation to decorate. Before you knew it, he showed up to your doorstep with orange flowers and a sweet sorry smile. You wouldn’t admit it, but he made you feel so much better. Just like most of the muses, he just followed whatever you asked him to do. Listening to the scorpions as you draped the spiderwebs across the windows, Billy’s drinking and smoking a cigarette taking you by the waist and spinning you around. He’s not much help, but he sure is a good time.

Steve Harrington: He’d be more than willing to offer his help, mainly because he wants to hang out with you. Though he’s not big on scary movies or themes, he’s more than willing to tough it out some for you. Putting up scary decorations leaves him unsettled and honestly a little nervous, but when he sees your brimming face and feels your arms wrap around his neck in gratitude, he suddenly forgets about the reaper with glowing red eyes pointing right at him. After you’re done setting up the lights, he invites you out to a bite and a scary movie, hopefully he can find more excuses to see you throughout the month outside of work.

Steve Rogers: You never get a complaint from Steve when it comes to helping you set anything up. Halloween is no different, in fact it was Steve who brought the topic up. “Is Y/N not decorating for Halloween this year?” He’d ask almost mockingly as you’d lay upside down on the couch next to him. A playful glare meets his boyish smile. “If only you’d be so lucky” This was Steve’s way of inviting himself to help you. Bonus points if you have a radio he can play classic music to, the night would end with him slow dancing with you to “I don’t want to set the world on fire”

Bucky Barnes: Similar to Steve, but he would wait for you to ask him if he could help you decorate. He’s not much of a decorator himself, especially given the fact that he hasn’t stayed in the same place for longer than a few months. It only gives him more of a reason to want to help you. He’d make little suggestions here and there, brainstorming ways to use most of your decor and make room for new additions. 100000% would bring out the tools if he needed to add a new shelf for your Halloween trinkets or nails to make the inflatables stay put. Just give him a few beers and kisses he’s yours for the whole afternoon to help get the tasks done.

Wanda Maximoff: 100000% would not hesitate to help you decorate, in fact decorating is her favorite thing to do. Halloween is one of the holidays she can be most creative in, so getting her to help you is no issue at all. Her and Tiffany would be the ones out of the list to make trips to the stores for new decorations and inspiration. Wanda would sway a little closer to the “horror” themed Halloween rather than a cutesy one. Her mind is ✨immaculate ✨ and if you posted it on social media, her decor and DIYs would pop off. Lots of spooky crafts and activities to last all month long with her.

Loki Laufeyson: This is a hard one, because he can totally be a brat about it, or he could be the most helpful one. He doesn’t understand the need to decorate, maybe a few things here and there but putting up inflatables, going shopping, it all seems unnecessary. Whatever makes you happy, he’s there for you. Add some nice wine and a few baked good and he’s more than happy to spend the day with you. Loki does acknowledge how the smallest things makes you happy and he thinks it’s cute. “Whatever makes you smile, sweetest.”

Cloud Strife: Doesn’t understand the concept of going all out just as Loki. Throughout time together, he begins to understand the little joy that decorating brings, therefore he never fights you on it. He’s the one doing all the heavy lifting, carrying around the pumpkins, propping up the skeletons. With time, he slowly begins to enjoy it, he will never admit it but you telling him that he’s a great help, heals something in him. After you’re all done setting up the lights and little bats on the porch, you can’t go wrong with snapping a few pictures of cloud with the pumpkins to keep in your journal.

Sebastian Michaelis: He’s already taken care of everything, sorry but hallows eve is most elegant in the Phantomhive household. Of course he would allow a few little trinkets wherever they fit, but nowhere near where the guests are expected to be unless he can use it to his advantage when Ciel is talking to a guest. It doesn’t take long for him to start explaining the meaning of the decor and where it came from, all with a slight demeaning smile at “all the silly little details the human race came up with”

Spencer Reid: Similar but different to Sebastian. Spencer is all in for all kinds of decor, but the nostalgic look of the late 50’s to 80’s would have to be his favorite eras so far. Your apartment would have all kinds of trinkets from various cities and random small towns he’d visit, but he always made sure to grab something pertaining to the holiday. Messy to others but completely organized in each others head, the only things you have to set out were the Halloween trinkets and maybe a few orange fairy lights. Whenever Spencer had the time to come home, he’d always make sure you both were able to finish up decorating and carving pumpkins. Halloween being both of your favorite holidays, there is always time for decorating.

Jason Todd: Kind of similar to Spencer, but not too much in the sense that Jason lets you do whatever you want. However Y/N wants the apartment decorated, it’s the only way it’ll be. If you want to go for a pinkoween he’s 100000% there for it. Jason wouldn’t hesitate to take you shopping, yes even if there’s no way that is going to fit in your apartment, he’s going to find a way if his baby really wants it. Like Bucky, he’s got the tools ready, just tell him where and you won’t have to lift a finger unless you really want to.

[brucewaynehater101]

So there's a fic that I think you will like. It's called The Definition of Valor by Nerdpoe. Really short, spoiler free summery. Instead of loosing his Spleen, Tim looses his eyes. He makes special gadgets to help him with this, such as a device in is cowl that scans the room he is in and tells him what is where via coded sounds, like say, two low A notes followed by a chirp means there is a wooden desk to the north east of him. He also makes a special computer program for his grapple so when he points it somewhere, it will adjust his aim so he never misses and always attaches to a good spot.

This fic is giving me *so many* thoughts about the potential fall out of this being found out not as soon as Tim gets back to Gothem because he never tells anyone. Specifically it's making me think about Tim who is Bruce's dad not telling Bruce because he doesn't want to worry his son. He doesn't want to worry his grandchildren/siblings either so he puts in colored contacts and wears glasses when his cowl isn't on. The glasses and an ear piece have the same tech as his cowl to tell him where everything is.

How long would it take them to find out? Tim would never tell them, so do they find out on accident because Tim forgot the contacts that are his normal eye color, or because Ras is mad at Tim and tells them what Ras did to Tim? Maybe he got to mad and while ranting at a Rouge (either Harley or Two Face would be especially funny if he's just been hanging upside down and ranting and raving fo 30 minuets already) over one of their traps, he accidentally lets slip that he's blind, or maybe he yells at Riddler, "Nygma, this isn't fair! I've been completely blind since last July and my usual tech that tells me what's around me is getting fucked by your signal jammer! So either read the riddle to me out loud or let me go!" and then later Riddler scolds one of the other Bats for letting the blind one do the visual puzzles much to their confusion.

Hi!!! I love that fic so much! Have you seen the sequel for it as well? It's short, but a great read. I would die for more of this concept.

In that fic, Bruce turns out to be a good dad. While I may hate Bruce, the way that guy handles the situation in that fic is fantastic.

However, I would like a fic where this concept gets a delayed reveal. In the AU, Tim figures out how to function without his eyes.

He engineers technology to read people's facial expression/body language to help him out. It reads words for him, etc.

I wonder what excuse he'd give for wearing the earpiece and glasses all the time. Maybe he says it's another aspect to separate Timothy Drake from Red Robin?

Just Tim gaslighting and girlbossing his way into pretending he can still see. I kind of want him to keep up the ruse for a long while.

When he does get found it, it'd be hilarious if the others forget he's blind. Tim has engineered technology to assist him, but he still can't see. So they'll try to take him to activities they did together when he could see (like star gazing) or they'll ask him what he thinks of the color of their outfit. He also ruthlessly uses his blindness as an excuse to mess with people. If Timothy Drake-Wayne is known to be blind, he'll use it to accuse Luthor of being ableist at every chance he'll get. He also bullies the shit out of governmental agents and companies that don't provide accommodations.

I'm also a fan of Riddler finding out about it, but him just changing his puzzles to be accommodating. I'm biased towards Riddler (I love him so much) so it'd be cool to see the silent show of support like that.

Another AU idea: When Tim blows up Ra's bases, the explosions cause him to become deaf or hard-of-hearing.

Dealer's choice on how much hearing he loses, but I feel like this could be great to explore deafness and misconceptions commonly held in our society.

Tim would probably already know how to sign and lip read (might even know multiple different sign languages), but he would face a few difficulties.

He chooses not to disclose his hearing loss

People often cover their mouths or face away from someone when speaking (which makes lip reading arduous)

Ableist people suck

The world is set up for hearing people, so a lot of issues stem from a lack of accommodations rather than Tim's ability to hear

Tim chose not to tell anyone about the change in hearing for a few reasons: he doesn't trust anyone (especially during his adjustment period) and he doesn't want to be underestimated (wants to prove himself in the field before they try to pull him from it).

As far as technology to help him, the comms were easier to program than other auditory inputs. Since they were designed to transmit clear voices, he merely has to train a program to automatically close caption whatever is spoken (the automatic ones used today are useful, but still make too many errors for Tim's preference. Some also only do words automatically and leave out helpful information like laughing, choking, screaming, computer dings, etc.). Each Bat member has their own designated color. For those he doesn't interact with often, it says their name before every time they speak up.

Tim incorporates the visual overlay into his goggles and glasses. He can read what people contribute to the conversation based on that. It also leaves his hands free so he doesn't need to look down. His wrist computer stores records of what has been said so Tim can go back over it if he misses it. He also has the ability to change where the words appear on his field of vision.

I also hc Alfred is the first to notice that Tim is staring intently at his lips when he talks and has difficulties with the conversation when Alfred changes the way he pronounces words or isn't facing Tim (this is before Tim's tech gets perfected). From then on, Alfred makes a point of facing Tim whenever the teen is in the room. They both don't talk about it until the rest of the family finds out (however long that takes).

Feel free to add more to either AU!

[arkhammaid]

— ˚₊‧⁺˖ THE NEW GENERATION SUPERSTARS | TO A GOOD SEASON

fandom. formula one & mcu

about. ollie and y/n talk for the first time... even if it's over text. takes part right after the strategy reveal

content warnings. smau, not edited/proofread

notes. have this first chapter before i dip into my holidays hehe

hey y/n! i hope you don't mind me reaching out, but i thought it would be good, since we're the only rookies and never properly met :) to a good season!

oh hi oliver! i don't mind at all, thank you for the message. to a good season for us

are you busy with preperations as well?

yeah

ferrari is definitely a step up from f2, haven't had a free minute for weeks now

welcome to f1 lol 😂

leclerc treating you well? it must've been a mess with sainz...

no worries, charles has been very welcoming, i'm really honored to be his teammate. and the thing with carlos... yeah, it was a bit, but we actually get along well

good good, wanna see you racing and not getting distracted by some bitch fighting in the garage

lmao 😂😂

nah nah, all good. to be honest, he's still a bit prickly about how ferrari and lewis handled those rumors... but well, it isn't really my business

good good

have to run, dad wants to wrap up our moves to ny

but we'll see each other soon, yeah? lemme know when you have time for a proper talk, we definitely have to stick together as rookies

the grid can be a cruel world

alright, have a nice day! don't know about free time yet, but the lastes we'll see each other will be in bahrain

awesome, till then oliver :)

you can call me ollie

let's meet up in bahrain

hello to you too, y/n

hello ollie

so, let's meet up

i'll be there a few day earlier, you as well?

i actually planned to come with ferrari, but i can come earlier!

awesome. you can entertain me then :)

what about the rest of your team?

kev is back with his family and doesn't want to leave them too early, my dad is busy because the president is an incompetent fuck, harley and peter are working on publishing a paper before they join and the rest is just generally busy

damn. alright, as long you plan everything? i have nothing prepared lol

sure! we can go training together and i know a few nice places we can hit before the stress begins

great!!

i'll send you the data later, don't worry, i'll pay for the hotel

you really don't have to

i don't care, you're hanging out with me, i will pay for stuff. i know you could stay at home but you're gonna spend time with me so shut it

alright

hehe, until bahrain. can't wait!!

until then, y/n 😊

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ARKHAM MAID 2024

[targaryen-dynasty]

BUMP START.

Part 2 of The Devil You Know

Biker!Aemond Targaryen x fem!Reader

What was supposed to be a quiet start into the day ended with a surprising question... and a lot of surprising feelings.

WORDS: 2.6 K

WARNINGS: just some sexual tension, some teasing, some somewhat cocky Aemond Targaryen

NOTES: I know I've written this, but reader definitely is stronger than me when it comes to Aemond, tbh.💀 Aemond is confident and self-assured, but not in an asshole kind of way. He has different sides to him, but you‘ll get to know some of them throughout this series.

It was 9:30 am sharp when you pulled into the parking lot in front of the Choppers, your father’s old Jeep Wrangler coming to a stop with a whole lot of difficulties, the squealing brakes announcing your arrival. While you were incredibly grateful for him providing you with the car in the first place, you would've not minded taking out his motorcycle instead–except for the fact that you don’t know how to drive one, and that your father’s motorcycle is far too big and heavy for you. 

Just the thought of feeling a bit more connected to the place, the bar and the people visiting it was what made you want it in the first place, knowing being a biker yourself would secure you a permanent spot with the Savage Dragons. But you and your family struggled to make ends meet, so, getting your own motorcycle, and the license on top, were the last things on your list. 

In front of the bar stood several motorcycles, but the most striking one among them was a sleek black Harley-Davidson Fat Bob 114. You had heard rumors of whom it belonged to, and wondered what had happened the previous night for its owner to leave his bike behind, standing in the open in the midst of busy King’s Landing.

Your keychain fell to the ground as you closed the heavy front door behind you, and the silence of the empty bar was pierced by a tired groan. You picked them up at lightning speed and put the individual keys between your fingers, ready to jab an assailant at any given moment. 

“Who’s there?” you asked, putting on the most threatening tone you could muster while prowling around the empty tables. It was then, as you reached the bar and turned on the lights, that you spotted a flash of silver on one of the corner benches in the back of Choppers. And then you spotted the leather jacket hanging over one of the chairs, a golden, three-headed dragon shimmering on the back of it. There’s no way, you thought to yourself, rubbing your palms to prepare yourself for the inevitable meeting with Dracarys’ ominous and unofficial president, Aemond.

The man grumbled and stretched his ridiculously long legs, protruding far over the edge of the bench. “It’s me.” And with no oldschool rock thrumming in the background, his voice sounded even smoother. 

He looked absolutely whacked, and from the way he rubbed his eyes–yes, eyes, the eyepatch rested on the table next to him–it seemed as if he didn’t have a comfortable night. 

“What are you doing here?” You moved to stand behind the counter, feeling more comfortable with something solid between you to grant you some sense of safety alone with a stranger in an empty bar. 

“Gods,” he groaned, “how late is it?” Aemond pulled out his phone and glanced at the black screen while still lying on his back. It was obvious his phone had died, because he sighed and slammed it on the table before craning his neck to look at the clock hanging at the wall behind you. The bar was naturally dimly lit, and with him being in the far back, you couldn’t see his face properly. “Fuck, it’s way too early.”  

You scoffed, and filled the sink with hot water, cleaning the glasses that had piled up the counter. “Got drunk after I left, and no one to bring you home?” you asked, though there was a certain snappiness to your tone–at least snappier than initially intended. You blamed it on him interrupting the only quiet hours you would get all day with your shift starting in two hours, while deep down your nervousness certainly played into it, too. 

Aemond rose from his spot with a dry chuckle at your attitude. He fixed his disheveled hair, and since your eyes flickered over his frame from his shoes up to his hands, you quickly averted them the moment you spotted the eyepatch dangling loosely between his slender fingers, which meant his supposedly sapphire eye was uncovered. 

Even though someone missing an eye was something completely natural and normal, it still felt eerily intimate to you. Perhaps, he was still half asleep, not fully aware that you haven’t seen his missing eye before, or perhaps he just didn’t care. Something in you tried to resist the urge to look up at him, to gawk at his eye, and it felt as if your whole body was frozen in place with him creeping closer to you. 

Your face was titled down with your eyes fixed on the sink, being extra careful to scrub every glass spotless in order to not meet his eyes, and Aemond seemingly became aware of what you were doing. A deeply buried part of him was grateful, because it meant he got to spend just a few more minutes without being judged for his condition openly, but you didn’t strike him as someone so judging, and he was certain Jace and Luke had told you about the prosthetic. But he also wanted to see how long you could keep it up, especially with him being right in front of you. He smirked to himself, and sat down on one of the bar stools. 

“Some ass cut the fuel line of my motorcycle,” he replied. 

Aemond leaned over the counter, fetching one of the cleaned glasses, and poured himself a tap beer as if he’d done that plenty of times before. The instinct to swat his hands away, just like you had done with Baela’s multiple times in the past, was big, but you withstood it. However, you gauged at his hands, memorizing the veins that ran along their backs, decorated with tattoos, and disappearing under the long sleeves of his black shirt.

You raised your brows, seeming unconvinced. “And Aegon didn’t want you to ride shotgun?”

He took a swig of his beer. “I have to put up with Aegon all day long. It’s kinda nice to have a night all to yourself. Just told Jason to pick me up in the morning.”

“And how would you have gotten out of here today?” 

Aemond slightly tilted his head, one eyebrow cocked in a smug manner. “I know about the spare key taped under the counter right…,” he trailed off and leaned forwards over the counter, coming dangerously close as he reached next to you, nimble fingers curling beneath the countertop to retrieve said spare key, “... here.”

While his movements and proximity choked the air out of your lungs, you felt unable to move and merely processed what he had done when he presented you the key, captured between his index and middle finger. You snatched it from him, ignoring the goosebumps that littered over your skin as you touched him, and put it right back where it came from. 

“And you prefer to sleep in your uncle’s bar, on one of the most uncomfortable corner benches to ever exist, just to have a few hours without your brother?”

“Exactly,” he said, keeping his eyes on you, whereas you hadn’t directly looked at his face once, “it’s nice to spend a night and a morning all alone before a damn long shift at the shop.”

The thoughts of his missing eye were pushed to the back of your mind at his statement, your head tilting up with your eyes narrowed to look at him. Yours slightly traced over his chiseled features, and when you eventually spotted the sapphire blue prosthetic eye, you couldn’t say that you weren’t a bit disappointed. “So, you’re telling me you both work, huh, like, getting your hands dirty and all?” It was more of a teasing question, though a hint of disbelief lingered in your tone.

While his breath caught in his throat when your eyes finally met, clearly anticipating the usual stuttering, the flushed face and neck, the not knowing where to look and, worst of all, even apologizing for looking at him, he was laser-focused to spot any signs of disgust or repulsion on your features. When nothing of the matters above followed, he was pleasantly surprised. But he was able to notice something else flickering in your eyes–something that came close to fascination.

“Getting our hands dirty, and everything that comes with it, sweets,” the nickname slipped past his lips with such ease once the shock of your first eye contact passed. You knew it merely was the payback for your previous teasing, and yet you blushed. It was repulsive when his brother said it, despite Aegon being easy on the eyes and carrying quite the charisma, but it sounded ten times better when it came from Aemond. 

“Just joking,” he was quick to add, obviously not wanting to push the limits. “We work at the Lannister’s shop, mostly fixing the motorcycles, but I could certainly get some cars to drive, too.”

Inappropriate thoughts clouded your mind. Visions of a sweaty Aemond, grunting and groaning at a particularly hard task, covered with a few streaks of oil and a thin sheen of sweat that not only accentuated his tattoos, but also highlighted his muscles and veins. You had bitten your bottom lip, only pulled out of your thoughts at the dull thud of Aemond putting his almost emptied pint back on the countertop. Your cheeks lit up in embarrassment as you noticed what had happened, trying to get your mind off it by taking care of the glassware. 

Once the glasses were stored in the cabinet, you slightly bowed forwards and gripped the edges of the counter, meeting Aemond’s eyes. Only then you noticed the slight color difference in his healthy eye and the prosthetic. The right one was more of a steel blue, whereas the left one indeed was colored in a sapphire blue. From the way Jace and Luke had told it, you fully expected a real sapphire to be popped into the socket, though the one he now wore definitely had more charm. A very faint scar ran from his cheek up to his forehead, barely noticeable without looking closely. 

You could’ve sworn you’d seen him squirm under your gaze. Just slightly.

 “I’d have to see that myself to believe you and Aegon are actually working for your money,” you noted, an amused tone laced within your voice. 

Aemond chuckled, still somewhat baffled by your bold staring, “feel free to drop by whenever you feel like it. I’ll be at the shop at least until 6pm today… and every other day, too.”

Grabbing a rag, you wetted it and came back from behind the counter to start wiping down the tables. The awkward tension between you two had vanished into thin air rather quickly, and you actually found him to be one of the very few people you could have pleasant conversations with. 

Aemond turned in his seat and watched your every move just like he had done the night before. Instead of the skirt, you wore skinny jeans this time around, and they did nothing to hide your curves. Perhaps he had to put the eyepatch over his healthy eye to stop himself from staring at you like a bitch in heat. 

“I wouldn’t have thought that your brother’s quite a handful,” you stated, not bothering to look at him from over your shoulder. You had a feeling you’d catch him staring if you did, and you weren’t sure if you could handle that without wanting to jump his bones right then and there.  

“Aegon is many things, and when he’s not a handful, he’s a menace.”

“Oh, I’ve heard about that.”

“Sure you did,” came his reply, a strange edge you couldn’t assign to it.

You think nothing of it, mind still lingering on the stupid excuse he had given about sleeping in the bar, and you had to bite the insides of your cheeks to stop your lips from curling into a grin, yet the ‘mhmm’ you made could even be heard by him. 

A few empty glasses Cregan clearly had missed the night before were balanced in your hand as you walked back towards the bar, but instead of walking around it, you approached the vacant space next to Aemond, placing the glasses on the countertop. You felt his eye on you, and in your peripheral vision you saw him watching you. Again, or still. 

You half turned to face him, a tilt of your head exposing your neck while your eyes took him in for a few seconds, examining his chiseled jaw, the way his lips had curled into a confident smile, his nose, and how his eye couldn’t seem to choose between your lips and eyes. “What?” 

“You ever go out with any of your customers?”

Your eyes widened for a moment, but relaxed just as quick. You leaned against the counter, your upper body bowing towards him a bit. 

“I don’t particularly like going out with men that don’t even bother to ask my name,” you quipped. 

You were able to spot the exact moment the sting of reaction settled in, his smile faltering ever so slightly before returning to the way it was before, the hurt apparent. You felt bad that he obviously didn’t get your teasing, and your mind raced with something to lighten the mood again, not wanting to ruin your chances with him. He pressed the tip of his tongue against the inside of his cheek, and dragged his eye from your lips, to your cleavage and eventually up to your eyes. 

“Well, what’s your name?”

You released a puff of air, but still told him your name and brushed a strand of your hair behind your ear as you did so. 

“So, I take this as a yes then?” Aemond asked, the arched eyebrow indicating he was searching for your reassurance. 

Without thinking about it, you brushed your fingertips over his thigh, seemingly contemplating his question. He shifted in his seat, tensing up, which you took as the cue to pull your hand away as fast as it got there. 

You bit your bottom lip. “I’m working tonight. Come by and ask me again.”

It took a moment for the weight of those words to set in, allowing you to take a step back from him to disappear behind the bar again. As he scoffed and pushed his silver hair back, you were near fainting, clutching the edge of the counter for support while you leaned on it. 

In the pregnant pause between you both, you heard the distant honking of a car, indicating that his ride was there. 

“Guess that’s my cue to leave,” he said, bringing the pint up to his lips to drown the rest of it, before he thrummed his fingers on the countertop and rose from his seat. Your face dulled, having enjoyed the easy banter and flirting perhaps a bit too much. 

The cheeky wink he sent you came out of the blue, and was the last blow to catch any words that might have left your lips in your throat. He walked towards the corner bench in the far right and fetched his leather jacket, putting it on. It accentuated the natural broadness of his shoulders, the gold of the three-headed dragon on the back and the greenish-golden flames around it complementing the silver of his hair.  

As much as you enjoyed seeing him leave, you also loathed it. 

With the door handle already in hand, Aemond opened the door but stopped in his tracks right away. “Y/N?” Hearing your name leave his lips was like music to your ears, and you wondered how it would sound spoken in a completely different manner… and an entirely different situation. 

You tilted your head up from your spot behind the sink to meet his eyes, raising your eyebrows.

“See you tonight.” While he left the Choppers to meet his friends outside, you were left with a pounding heart and an aching between your legs, forced to swallow the lump in your throat that formed at the thoughts of your upcoming shift. 

TDYK Taglist: @heimtathurs @croatianprincess @nina2697 @sirenangelroyal @malfoytargaryen @sophie-looks-at-stuff @thetaygaryen @wintrr13 @winter-soldier-101 @kyuupidwrites @boofy1998 @janejenny666 @thekinslayersswordhand @sagelovesreading @jiminie-08 @doublesparrows @at-a-rax-ia @fan-goddess @recorddust @tsujifreya @rhaenyrarp @melsunshine @docmartinis @drwstarkeyy @kazuyatokue

General Taglist: @watercolorskyy @nothingqueens

You know the drill: bold means I couldn’t tag you.

[jobean12-blog]

Dressed to Impress

Pairing: Joel Miller x reader (Pre/No!Outbreak)

Word Count: 3,057

Summary: You and Sarah manage to convince Joel to dress up for Halloween. He's not too excited about it but agrees anyway. However, once he see's your costume...Halloween jus tmight be his new favorite holiday.

Author's Note: This is part of my kinktober celebration and the PPCU Halloween event. Thank you bunches to Sel @jupiter-soups and Harley @huffle-punk for setting it up! 💕💕love and hugs! I took two prompts; one from fluff: You and Sarah convince Joel to dress up for Halloween. He isn't thrilled. And one from smut: You surprise Joel by dressing up for Halloween as something that he has mentioned finding sexy. For the second prompt I didn't get specific because I figured it would be more fun for the reader to imagine their own sexy costume- whatever you wear- Joel LOVES it. I also want to thank my dear friends @flordeamatista and @mrsmischief209 for helping me with Joel's costume, you're both amazing! ❤️💕Thank you all so much for reading and much love always! ❤️❤️❤️

Warnings: it's fun and fluffy, silly and soft, lots of flirting and tension, Joel is sweet but definitely grumpy, reader has some sass, semi-public f-in-g-e-ri-ng, light d-ir-t-y talk, it's a whole ride lol

Kinktober 2023 Masterlist

Joel Miller Masterlist

“No.”

His hands land on his hips as he stares back at you.

“But Joel, it’ll be…”

Your words are cut off by his second, “no.”

“Joel!” you whine.

“Darlin’,” he warns.

You stick your bottom lip out in a pout and give him your best sad eyes.

“Still no,” he says.

You change tactics.

With a sweet smile you step into his space and press yourself against him.

“I know it’s not your favorite idea but don’t you want to do it for me? Make me happy?”

His hands falls from his hips and land on yours, pulling you closer.

“Now you’re playin’ dirty angel.”

Your lips curve into a wicked smile. “I can play much dirtier than this if you want.”

You lift your fingers to his hair and comb them through, lightly scratching his scalp before they slide down the back of his neck and trace his jaw.

With a light brush of your lips you whisper, “please Joel. Just this once. I promise it’ll be worth it.”

You kiss him before he can answer and you feel his low growl rumble through his chest as he pushes you against the wall of the bedroom.

With rushed hands you pull at his tee shirt, tugging it up and over his head. Your fingers caress his warm skin as his lips kiss and nip at your neck.

“Joel,” you moan.

He grabs your thigh, lifting it to spread you open so he can settle between you legs.

“Now who’s playing dirty,” you gasp when you feel his hardness press into your stomach.

His hand slides higher and his fingers dip into the waistband of your leggings.

“You started it,” he murmurs.

“Is that a yes then?” you ask, trying to keep your voice steady as his fingers tease your skin.

His cell phone rings before he can answer and you both let out a frustrated groan.

“One guess who’s callin’,” he grumbles.

He grabs his phone from his jeans pocket and flips it open, his eyes never leaving yours.

“Hey,” he says which you follow right after with, “hey tommy,” loud enough so he can hear it on the other end of the line.

Joel reluctantly releases you and takes a step back but his intense gaze tracks your every move while you fix your clothes.

As you start to walk out of the room you sing out, “since you didn’t say no that time, I’m going to take it as a maybe!”

Before you get out of the doorway he comes up behind you and smacks your ass, making you squeal. His arm wraps around your waist and he drags your back to his bare chest, his soft breath tickling your ear when he whispers, “a maybe.”

You can hear Tommy on the other end of the line asking what the hell is going and when you look over your shoulder Joel’s eyes are dark, his ‘maybe’ and so much more hanging in the air between you both.   

“How many times did he say no?” Sarah asks the moment you walk into the kitchen.

“Only three times,” you smile.

She blows out a raspberry and stabs her eggs with her fork.

“BUT!” you continue. “I think I’ve got him at a maybe now and if you lay it on thick we might be able to convince him.”

Sarah smiles deviously and when you hear Joel’s heavy footfalls on the stairs you both straighten your shoulders in preparation.

“Hey dad,” Sarah chimes brightly when he walks in.

You match her smile and offer him a hot cup of fresh coffee.

He looks between you both, his lips pursed and his eyes narrowed.

“Don’t even try…” he begins.

“BUT DAD,” Sarah interjects, “we all have to dress up. You can’t come trick or treating otherwise!”

“Who said I wanna go trick or treating?,” he says before sipping his coffee.

Both you and Sarah give him a stern look.

“YOU HAVE TO!” you both shout.

He sighs and sits down at the table.

“PLEASE,” Sarah says. “We can think of something awesome for you to dress up as.”

“I already have an idea,” you say, clasping your hands together in excitement. “You’ll look amazing.”

You wink at Sarah and she grins before turning pleading eyes to Joel.

You grab your plate and seat yourself on Joel’s spread thigh, curling into him and grabbing his fork to feed him a bite of eggs.

“Please,” you say softly.

Joel studies your face before he moves his eyes to Sarah.

“Fine,” he mumbles then takes the bite of eggs off the fork.

You and Sarah let out an excited cheer. Sarah hops out of her seat and comes around the table to kiss Joel’s cheek. You do the same on the other side.

He grumbles out something unintelligible but you can see the smile playing upon his lips.

“See you guys later,” Sarah says as she grabs her schoolbag and rushes toward the door.

Just before she’s out of the house she turns back and looks at Joel to say, “your tee shirt’s inside out.” Then she disappears out the door.

You giggle into your hand but quickly press your lips together to suppress any further joy when Joel pins you with a glare.

“Shit,” he says, looking down.

“Oops,” you say with feigned innocence and a shrug of your shoulders.

With a smug smile you hold up the fork again. “You have to eat more before you’re late.”

He looks up and takes the bite but then removes the fork from your hand.

“Oh I plan on it darlin’,” he simpers.

He swats at your ass until you get up and then promptly moves the dishes over and sits you on the edge of the table.

“Joel…” you breathe out as your arms wrap around his neck.

Just as his thumbs hook into your leggings you hear the loud clunk and roll of Tommy’s truck.

“Ah fuck,” Joel sighs, dropping his face to your neck.

You let out a little whimper and cling to him.

“Later,” he promises before kissing you softly.

Tommy barges in all smiles.

“Hey you two,” he greets.

Joel mumbles some form of a greeting and you go give Tommy a hug.

Tommy gives you a squeeze then looks to Joel. “What up his ass?”

“He agreed to dress up for Halloween this year,” you answer happily.

Tommy grins and walks over to Joel, slapping him on the back. “Shit brother, your girls can get you to do anything huh?”

You do a little happy victory dance as you place the dishes in the sink.

“Come on,” Joel says to Tommy, “let’s go.”

“What about my breakfast?” Tommy asks, checking the pan.

“We’ll pick you somethin’ up on the road,” Joel sighs.

You gently pat Tommy on the back. “There would have been pancakes but we’re out of mix.”

Tommy gives you a lopsided smile and then grabs the last piece of toast.

“See you later babe,” Tommy says before he heads back out to the truck.

He takes one last look at Joel, the toast dangling between his fingers as he points and says, “your tee shirt’s inside out.”

With another muttered curse Joel grabs the back of his shirt and pulls it over his head.

He stalks toward you at the counter, caging you against it with his arms on either side of your body.

“You,” he whispers as he leans in and bumps his nose along yours, “are all mine when I get home.”

“Is all this gel really necessary?” he asks as you run your fingers through his hair for the hundredth time.

You stand between his spread legs and look him over, adjusting a piece of hair here and there.

“Yes. It is,” you state. “Eeeeeee Joel!”

After wiping your hands you check his bow tie, pulling on the ends to tighten it before you straighten it again.

“PERFECT! Sarah get in here!”

You grab Joel’s hand and drag him to his feet. Sarah rushes in and immediately gives out a loud ‘whoop’ before laughing.

“Dad this is so good,” she says. “You look just like Gomez!”

Joel turns to look in the mirror, his expression full of his usual grumpiness.

“Well, you’ve already got the grumpy look down perfectly,” you tease.

He just scoffs as he lifts his fingers to touch his hair.

“DON’T!” you tell him. “Just leave it!”

“You look amazing,” you tell Sarah. “Super scary.”

Sarah smiles and does a twirl to show off the full affect of her costume.

“You look great sweetheart,” Joel says before his eyes slide back to you.

“What about you darlin’? Where’s your costume?” he asks.

“Oh, I’m going to get ready now,” you say with a twinkle of your fingers. “See you downstairs.”

You pepper his face with kisses before shooing him away.

You’re just applying the finishing touches to your make-up when you hear Joel coming up the stairs.

“Angel, are you almost rea….?”

His words die on his parted lips as he takes you in, his eyes traveling hungrily from your head to your toes.

“Well?” you ask, smoothing your hands down your body.

The grind of his jaw says it all and your smile grows.

“Joel…?” you purr. “Couldn’t wait for me to come downstairs?”

He walks all the way into the room and shuts the door.

“I wanted to see what was takin’ so long…”

“Well I’m ready now,” you sing with a sweet smile. “Let’s go.”

He stops you with his body, his heat washing over you and his mouth dipping to your ear.

“You think I’m goin’ trick or treating and to some party with you lookin’ like this?”

“Like what?” you ask, your tone demure.

The air between you is charged and disappearing by the inch.

“Darlin’,” he murmurs, his breathe a whisper along the shell of your ear.

You look at him through your lashes, the light scruff of his beard brushing your cheek and making you sigh out his name.

“We’re going to be late and Sarah is waiting….”

You step back and hear his sound of disapproval deep in his throat. It makes you shiver.

His eyes are glued to you as you turn and open the door and when you meet his gaze again it’s filled with heat and filthy promises.

When you enter the kitchen Sarah whistles loudly and grins. “WOW!”

You give her a bright smile and start toward the door. “Time to trick or treat!”

Once Sarah has plenty of candy you usher her off to her friends house for the night. They are having a sleepover with scary movies and lots of sugar.

As soon as Sarah is safely delivered to her new destination Joel settles his hand at your lower back and starts to push you back toward the house.

“Did you forget we have to stop by the neighbors house for the adult party?” you giggle.

He stops walking and presses himself against your back. “Don’t you think I’ve suffered enough today angel?”

“No,” you state, turning to face him. “I don’t think you’ve suffered at all in fact.”

Joel opens his mouth to argue but you press your finger to his lips.

“I’ve seen you smile and I know you love how much everyone is gushing over your costume and it won’t kill you to hang out with some friends for a couple of hours.”

He kisses your finger and then grabs your wrist to pull your hand away.

“An hour,” he growls.

“Two,” you counter.

He stares at you daringly, leaning forward and covering the inches between you, his eyes falling to your lips.

“And it’ll be your fault when I drag you somewhere dark and get my fingers inside you.”

Your breathy sigh is followed by a lick of your lips, Joel’s eyes following the movement with a hungry stare.

You don’t respond, not trusting yourself when your brain and body are consumed by him, and instead take his hand and move in the direction of the party.

“All the beer is still warm so I got you wine.”

You hold the glass out for him then search for a seat. When you see there aren’t any left you situate yourself on his thigh and rest yourself along his shoulder.

He takes a sip of the wine, eyeing you over the rim.

“Any good?” you ask.

Without an answer he curls his hand around the back of your neck and drags you down for a kiss, giving you a taste.

“Mm,” you hum against his lips. “Yummy.”

You chat with some of your neighbors, snacking and sipping your drink.

“You’re pulling off the whole grumpy Gomez thing really well,” you tease when there’s a lull in conversation.

“Who said I’m grumpy?” Joel replies with a smirk.

You dance your fingers up his chest and then lightly scratch them over his beard.

“I want another kiss,” you whisper.

He happily obliges but when you press yourself closer, shifting in his lap, he groans out a curse and pulls away.

At your questioning look he sighs.

“Darlin’…unless you want to stay in this chair for the rest of the night you better stop kissing my like that and wiggling your ass.”

You move again, unintentionally, and the hardness between his legs pushes against you.

“Oh,” you squeak. “Ohhh….”

He tightens his grip, his fingers digging into your skin in warning.

“Behave.”

“I’ll be good,” you promise with a slow blink.

“That’ll be a first,” he mutters.

You kiss him again, giggling when he starts to squirm beneath you.

“Oops.”

“I’d smack your ass right here and now if it weren’t for the creepy neighbor.”

“Creepy…?” you repeat and look around.

You lock eyes with your neighbor from across the street. He’s starting, his eyes blatantly roaming over your curves.

“I’m gonna knock his teeth out,” Joel threatens with a low rumble.

“He’s definitely drunk Joel. Not worth it.”

“He’s starin’ at what’s mine.”

You take Joel’s chin between your fingers, dragging his murderous gaze away from the neighbor until he’s focused on you.  

“Come on, let’s go get some fresh air,” you whisper.

You rise from his lap and he takes your hand, keeping you close as you work your way around the crowd of people in the living room. When you reach the back door he holds it open for you and ushers you outside, walking you toward a darkened spot on the side of the house.   

He lets out a deep exhale before grabbing your waist.

“Finally,” he says, in a hushed, rumbling voice as he pulls your back against his chest.

His hand slides along your side, tracing the curve of your waist before he closes his fingers around your wrist and lifts your hand to his mouth, kissing softly along your knuckles.

“What a Gomez move,” you tease lightly even as you melt into his embrace.

His free hand brushes along your shoulder and his fingers dance along your neck until he tilts your chin back, exposing more of your skin. With teasingly soft kisses he works his way to the spot just under your ear and whispers, “lift your dress.”

“Joel,” you breathe out, your voice wavering when he nips on your earlobe.

“Angel, I’ve waited long enough, don’t you think?”

His hands wander along your skin, kneading and squeezing as he goes. When he finds your ass cheek he grips it hard. You don’t answer, arching against him, and when he gives you a sharp smack you cry out.

“Is this my punishment?” you ask as you catch your breath.

He smacks you again, soothing the sting with soft caress.

“Lift your dress,” he repeats, his voice low and deep.

Your fingers reach down for the hem and you slowly lift the front, whimpering when his hand leaves your ass and slides across your stomach and between your legs.

“Someone might see,” you gasp even as you spread your legs for him.

“Fuck darlin’,” he groans when he feels the wet patch on your panties.

His finger brushes over the damp fabric and he wraps his other arm around your shoulders to keep you pressed to his chest, his touch torturously light.

When he pushes your panties to the side and slides his fingers through your arousal he lets out hum of satisfaction.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs.

His finger slips inside you easily, pumping slowly in and out as he continues his kisses along your neck.

“You feel beautiful, too.”

He slides a second finger into you and growls, the sound vibrating right through you.

“Joel please…please,” you beg as your legs start to shake.

His grip tightens and he pushes his fingers deeper, pressing on your clit with his thumb. You wiggle and writhe against him, chasing your release as it builds.

“Joel,” you hiss through gritted teeth, trying your best to remain quiet.

He curls his fingers just right and continues circling your clit, the tightening of your walls giving him enough warning to slide his hand over your mouth and muffle your cries as you buck against him.

You slowly come down and sag into his strong hold.

He draws out your pleasure, pumping his fingers with deliberation and whispering praises in your ear.

“That’s my good girl,” he coos. “Letting me to fuck you with my fingers even when someone might see.”

He still has his hand clamped over your mouth, softening your continued moans.

“I’m taking you home,” he states, leaving no room for argument. 

He slowly removes his fingers and releases his hold on you. You turn in his arms and watch as he slips his soaked fingers between his lips and licks them clean.

“First I’m goin’ to get a better taste and then I’m goin’ to fuck you good and hard.”

You let out a whimper of want and drag your hand down his chest, palming the hardness between his legs.

He stops you with a firm hold on your wrist and your lips part to argue but he interrupts, dipping his head and brushing his mouth across yours when he whispers, “no, not here angel. I don’t want to miss a single sound that falls past these pretty lips when I’m buried deep inside you.” 

@hiddles-rose @lorilane33 @littleseasiren @lizette50 @blackwidownat2814

[kissitbttr]

can’t stop thinking about simon falling for harley quinn reader typa beat

it’s a slow burn for sure, definitely not love at first right because he hates her guts the first time price introduced her during debrief session. she's fucking deranged. has murdered countless of innocent people before and not to mention shoplifting?? like why would price think it'd be a good idea to have her as a temporary addition to tf141? this woman is a criminal. he hates how cheery and giddy she is, always waving her hand to greet the team, acting like she hadn’t done some very questionable things, dropping offhanded comments that makes him choke in his own spit, parading herself in short black and red outfits that barely covers her ass and chest EVEN during the mission. it annoys him to the fucking bone.

but then as time slowly goes by, he begins to warm up to her existence. he’s starting to care about her well-being, putting a mental note on what she likes and dislikes, stealing glances at her way to see if she’s comfortable ever so often. he notices how she carries a red lipstick wherever she goes. black if she’s not feeling herself. his lips often twitches into a small smile whenever she does something cute to him and always always making sure she's okay during every single mission. ‘you okay, love?’ or ‘tell me if something’s bothering you, yeah?’ is what he always says. sometimes when the team has to split up, he’d be the first one to say ‘she’s with me’ and it makes her heart warms.

he's amazed at how well she handles rifles, all while looking and acting pretty. (he finds her adorable overtime too but he'd die before admitting that to her). when he lent her his signature AAC Honey Badger, he was impressed by how smoothly she used it, but nothing beats the way she kills enemies with her pink oversized mallet.

‘i can kill them in five, boys ! just give me a sec’ is what she says in a cheerful tone with a giggle after price had notified that there’s too much guards for them to handle. before price could even protest, she already loaded up her gun and walk towards where the guards are. it was something ghost had never found so attractive before but the way she said it? the confidence? her strutting like she owns the shit? considered him rock hard at that point.

before she goes, she tells the boys to wait while she does her thing. but not before sending a wink to ghost’s direction. she has a spot for him, she makes sure he knows that.

the team watch her gracefully killing the enemies through the cameras. small splash of blood painted her face as she smiles up at the camera to give the boys a small wave. she then jumps to one of the guard and put them in a headlock, suffocating him with her thighs to crack his neck in one swift motion (oh he’d do anything to let her do that to him)

‘fucking hell… look at this lass go’ soap tsked, others agreed. especially simon. this is the first time he had found a woman looking incredibly sexy and sophisticated while blowing someone's head off. it’s almost impossible a woman like her actually exists.

so the moment he hears her being held captured by the enemies, his blood runs cold. ghost. goes fucking. BALLISTIC. like 100% feral, no one could stop this man from tearing down the whole fucking sky to save her. so he makes up a plan to save her with the team. from there, add this scene while we're on it. safe to say she was truly moved by it.

‘oh… you were actually going to save me?’ she asks giving him her puppy dog eyes,

he grumbled while nodding sheepishly, his grip around the rifle tighten. ‘yeah.. and it was a pretty damn good plan too’

‘i’m sorry... well, i can go back in again if you still want to do it..’ her voice coming out soft and tender,

he smiles softly underneath the mask. even with dried up blood decorating her nose and the corner of her lips, he still finds her beautiful,

mentally ill but beautiful.

‘no—no that’s okay. ‘m just glad you’re safe, sweetheart’

he finds being with her is easy. just as easy as breathing. his once cold heart now softened because of her. and it is reserved only for her

-

i’m a firm believer that ghost is into batshit crazy women he can’t fix

[nintendont2502]

cant find the original post but a while ago i impulsively decided to add all 32 sburb players (betas, alphas, alternians *and* beforans) to a random name generator and then randomly mix them up - characters kept their original first name and class, and took on the last name and aspect of whatever character they took the role of. this was just meant to be a funny 1am experiment so i could laugh at the cursed results

...yeah it has lore now. i cant stop thinking about it. help.

Beta Kids:

Gamz Egbert (Gamzee) - Bard of Breath. One of the most chill guys ever. Constantly zoned the hell out. Loves clowns :0) him and his dad bond over it. Hangs out with Kari a lot over vc, where it's basically just Kari talking at him uninterrupted (the kid needs it sometimes)

Kari Strider (Kankri) - Seer of Time. Gifted kid and he won't let you forget it. Permanently lives in a sweater vest even though he literally lives in Texas. Constantly annoyed by how childish and immature his older brother is. Lectures him a lot. Lectures his friends a lot. Has 'visions of his past lives' (aka occasional memories from his post-scratch/alternate timeline counterparts). Lectures his friends about how theyre real and valid whenever they make give him shit for it (which happens a lot). Dedicated pacifist - for now, anyway.

John Lalonde - Heir of Light. Golden child. Has an over-bearing mother that constantly pushes him into learning instruments/lanugages/skills, participating in competitions and events, winning award after award. Sure, he's... kinda sick of doing things all day every day, and he doesn't really want to do any of this, but... shouldn't he do it anyway? Even if just for his Mom? Hell, he can't really complain about it, right? He has such a good life! He goes horseback riding every sunday! Sure, it sucks that he doesn't have any free time that isn't controlled by his mother, but he can deal with it. It's fine.

(Things get even worse during the three year trip when Wuh Oh! Gender crisis time! Except he can’t be a girl because he was always meant to be his mom’s perfect son, and he’s already let her down once by letting her die, right? He can just… live with this. Its fine. It's not that bad. It's for her, after all.)

Roxy Harley - Rogue of Space. Grew up living on a small island somewhere in the Pacific that her grandfather 'won in a poker game' (aka probably scammed someone out of, knowing him) - or so he says, anyway. He also used to say he got Roxy the same way every time she asked where she came from! Haha very funny Roxy definitely loved hearing that and not a real response every time she asked where she came from and why she didn’t have any parents. That was great. Her grandfather died when she was fairly young, leaving her alone on the island with nothing left of him but the small inventions he left around the place to make life easier for her. She grows up learning how to maintain them, and although she tries becoming a great inventor like her grandfather, she just... doesn't have the skill. Hacking, on the other hand - shes great at that shit! She finally cracks her final goal - cracking into her grandfathers servers - just before her friend Gamz's 13th birthday, finding mostly boring shit - expenses, customer complaints, legal threats, budgets, etc. What's mildly more interesting to her, however, is the insane amount of money (if they lived on the mainland, they'd be fucking LOADED), and a .exe file for a really cool looking game, with a note from her grandfather congratulating her on finally getting in. And hey, would you look at that? Its multiplayer! And all her friends are free - even John, who through sheer coincidence found himself with a free weekend after his tutors came down with various mysterious illnesses and injuries. It's like the universe wants them to play the game or some shit! Haha wild

Alpha Kids:

Raph Crocker (Rufioh) - Rogue of Life. The living embodiment of all those business major memes. Dude is *dedicated* to the Crockercorp brand - he's determined that one day, he'll climb the ranks and become head of the company, and hopefully lead it just as well as his great-grandfather did. He unironically wears a suit everywhere, and seems committed to sounding like a 50 year old boardroom exec trapped in the body of a 16 year old - although it isn't hard to get him to crack. As much as he pretends he has no patience for his online friends and their constant stories of 'living on a remote island' or 'living in the post-apocalyptic future' (seriously guys, he isn't that gullible), he does genuinely care about them. Besides, when you're stuck in the house all day, there isn't much else to do.

Tuna Strider (Mituna) - Heir of Heart. Trans king. Exudes pure 'disney channel older brother' energy. Shithead (affectionate). Looks up to his Bro, a famous pacifist who resisted the Batterwitch's rule with a global peaceful protest... only to be killed the moment he became too much of a threat. Yyeah. Tuna has... some thoughts about how that should have gone down - most of them involving swords. Or guns. Or both. Maybe if his Bro had a sweet katana, the world wouldn't have been flooded! Although it's too late for his Bro, Tuna has decided to take up the fight in his stead by creating his own 'sick as fuck gun-sword' with whatever scrap metal he can find in the apartment (his Bro, for some reason, didn't think to leave him any useable weapons. cringe). He's got the sword part down great, but the gun... not so much.

Vris Lalonde (Vriska) - Thief of Void. The second half of the 't4t post apocalypse chaos squad', as Tuna calls them. Girl doxxes people for fun - what are they gonna do? Doxx her back? lmao good luck with that losers - closest youre gonna get is still 400 years off. Constantly daring her friends to do stupid shit and quote, 'stop being so fucking boringggg'. it usually works on tuna. sometimes on dave. she still hasnt gotten raph yet, but *one day*...

Dave English - Knight of Hope. smooth talking mile a minute inventor who *loves* trying to 'pitch' his latest invention to his friends. its become almost a game to them, where theyll take turns bidding increasingly ridiculous amounts for an umbrella that shoots seeds ('for easy planting in the rain yknow') or a beat-boxing robot ('i dont even need to explain this one just look at it man. cool as shit'). hell, even raph gets involved sometimes, usually turning it into a shark tank style negotiation. dave swears hes keeping a tally of how much everyone 'owes' him, and claims that one day hes settling that bill. his inventions are genuinely pretty impressive, especially considering his limited resources - being stuck alone on a remote island makes sourcing parts pretty hard. he probably wouldnt even need to jokingly scam his friends in order to jokingly sell his inventions - they jokingly sell themselves. he just thinks scamming people is fun.

Alternia Rapid Fire Round lets goo

Cronus Megido - Bard of Time. relentlessly flirts with anyone of a higher caste than him in the hopes that, if he can get into a quadrant with them, he'll have more protection than he would as just a solo rustblood. this strategy ultimately fails when he flirts with a particular Serket one too many times and gets killed for it. damn. oh well.

Sollux Nitram - so so tired of everyones shit. the only person that actually vaguely got along with Cronus (because he was the only person that Cronus didn't flirt with). just wants to play his pokemon in peace man stop dragging him into drama

Damara Captor - Witch of Doom. 'curses' people. seems weirdly unsurprised when those curses actually work. after cronus' death, a rumour went around that she was the one who caused it, and she absolutely wasnt denying that shit - now no one wants to fuck with her, and those that do? well, she still has her psiionics.

Meulin Vantas - Mage of Blood. Basically the only fucking thing holding this friendship group together. Despite all the complicated as shit relationships - the friendships, the exes, the mortal enemies, the attempted (and successful) murders - Meulin somehow manages to navigate the web of relationships and keep everyone relatively stable

Jaydee Leijon (Jade) - Witch of Heart. catgirl :33. Wishes she lived closer to everyone so she could see them 33: especially her moirail!! at least she still has her lusus to playfight with

Karkat Maryam - Knight of Space. basically a tboy vampire. Used to live in the caverns, but after he realised he was a dude, he began to feel uncomfortable with how oppressive and 'feminine' the caverns were. ran away. struggles with his identity - the contrast between the typical female jadeblood standards of being caring and nurturing, and the typical alternian female standards of being violent and aggressive, leave him stuck in the middle, unsure of what to do or who hes 'allowed' to be. swings wildly between being aggressive and letting himself care about his friends. he eventually figures out that gender stereotypes are bullshit and he can care abt his friends and still be a dude. hes still an asshole though <3

Eridan Pyrope - Prince of Mind. Incredibly committed to a strict moral code - which... no one can figure out. it seems to vary wildly depending on what suits him best at the specific moment. Used to roam Alternia looking for 'criminals' to 'improve' or, if that failed, 'bring to justice' with one Serket, but after an incident involving the loss of three eyes and one arm... they arent exactly on speaking terms.

Dyrrhk Serket (Dirk) - Prince of Light. i dont know how else to say it this mfer makes saw traps. he claims its to 'improve' people - by putting them through some specific trap, it... fixes a percieved issue? even if its an issue only he can see. and if they die in the trap? well, they should have just tried harder right. they probably deserved it. he isnt even doing this out of a desire to hurt people hes *genuinely* convinced that what hes doing is helping, and thinks that this is the best way to go about it. puts eridan through one one day, resulting in the loss of his vision, and after he (finally) figured out that 'huh maybe that wasnt a good idea', he... apologises. lmao just kidding that would be too reasonable - instead he mind controls one of his friends into putting *dyrrhk* into a trap of his own design, resulting in the loss of an eye and an arm. he seems genuinely convinced that this should make them even. everythings fine now, right? he scares me just on a conceptual level

Tavros Zahhak - Page of Void. hes basically a himbo im ngl. hes tall hes ripped hes clumsy and he cant help but draw attention to himself wherever he goes - attention he *hates*. moirails with jaydee. theyre cute <>

Latula Makara - Knight of Rage. clown... despite the usual purpleblood stereotypes, she doesnt really get angry all that often - most of the time, shes just vibing. but when she *does* get angry? its always for a reason. theres always a specific goal shes fulfilling through that anger (even if its just intimidating someone into doing something). i have the least thoughts about her but shes interesting

Jaiikk Ampora (Jake) - Page of Hope. Just a funny lil guy that likes playing pirates :) all the lowbloods he roleplays with definitely want to be there and don't feel coerced by being 'asked' by a literal violetblood :)) if people die during his 'games' well that sucks but he cant exacly stop playing because of a few small accidents right? ..yyeah. hes incredibly ignorant of his position in society and how that effects other people, even if (especially if) those consequences are deadly for others. after a certain point its just easier to not know whats going on than to face all the damage youve caused right. claims he loves the ocean and dreams of living in the depths. never goes into the ocean. hes a weird guy

Equius Peixes - Heir of Life. Future heir to the Alternian throne. Determined to lead Alternia into a new era of strength, no matter the methods to get there. moirails with Jaiikk (which absolutely doesnt help the whole 'Jaiikk accidentally pressuring lowbloods into doing things for him' thing. bro has scary dog privileges with the future emperor looming behind him at all times)

Even faster Beforus speed round because you cant legally make me think about them for more than five seconds

Porrim Megido - Maid of Time

Feferi Nitram - Witch of Breath

Rose Captor - Seer of Doom

Nepeta Vantas - Rogue of Blood

Kurloz Leijon - Prince of Heart

Aradia Maryam - Mage of Space

Aranea Pyrope - Sylph of Mind

Kanaya Serket - Sylph of Light

Jane Zahhak - Maid of Void

Meenah Makara - Thief of Rage

Terezi Ampora - Seer of Hope

Horuss Peixes - Page of Life

[just-dreaming-marvel]

I'm From Brooklyn, Too ~ 161

OUT OF TIME MASTERLIST

I'M FROM BROOKLYN, TOO MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 2,186ish

Summary: Y/N lashes out.

Notes: THERE’S A FEW! First, sorry if there were any mistakes I didn’t catch! My puppy, Milo, gets jealous when I’m on the computer. He likes to slam his paws on the keyboard, try to close my laptop, and try to eat my hand. Second, I’m actually really excited for RDJ to play Doom! I know there are various opinions about the casting, but I’m excited. I’d love to hear your views, but please be respectful.

Y/N tried to put her focus on Morgan as Natasha was trying to figure out this new Captain America situation. Both Morgan and Natasha noticed that Y/N’s powers were acting up despite Y/N trying to push away the Captain America problem. Random portals would appear throughout the house, or whatever Y/N was holding would turn to dust. There was also the time when Y/N froze time for a few hours. Natasha had to answer Morgan’s questions about what was happening, since Morgan seemed too scared to go to to her own mother about it.

One week since the new Captain America announcement, Morgan was put to bed so Y/N and Natasha found themselves in the living room with the tv on. They had been up for hours, trying to figure out what to do about the new Captain America.

“I don’t know if there’s anything we can do about this new Captain America,” Natasha said.

“There has to be something,” Y/N retorted. “They can’t do this.”

“They believe they can. It definitely doesn’t help that Sam gave away the shield.”

“The shield wasn’t his to give away. Howard made the shield—or Tony, or whoever made it! It’s not theirs!”

“Y/N, there’s portals behind you.” Y/N took a deep breath and the portals closed. “Your emotions are controlling your powers. I thought you had more of a handle on this.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Nat. I’m sorry that in the last six months I’ve watched my husband die, saved the world, and was trapped in Wanda’s fake reality. And let’s not forget that my brother left me and died and his—my—our best friend is moving on.” Y/N shook her head angrily. “There’s also the fact that I’m failing as a mother to my child and the two that I adopted because Tony loved them so much!”

“Y/N. Your fists.” Y/N looked to see that her fists were glowing purple. “You need to see a therapist.”

Y/N scoffed. “Why? So that I can be judged for my actions by some unknown stranger?”

“That’s not what a therapist does and you know it. I’ve begun seeing someone and I know that Bucky has.”

“I’m sure Bucky’s is court mandated.”

“And I’m sure, with Rhodey’s help, we can do the same thing to you.”

“Is that a threat?”

“It’s a help. You are not in a good mental place, which is understandable. But you cannot be of help to anyone—including Morgan, Peter, and Harley, without getting some help.”

Before Y/N could answer, their attentions turned to the tv, where a high school marching band was playing ‘Star Spangled Man With A Plan’ and the new Captain America was coming out on stage to where a news anchor was waiting. The crowd in the stands of the high school football stadium cheered as an announcer welcomed the new Captain.

“Good morning, America!” The man greeted. The crowd cheered and Y/N felt like she was going to puke. 

“Thank you so much for coming,” the anchor said as the man sat down. “This has gotta be fun, though, coming back to your high school after so much as changed?”

“John Walker!” A man shouted from the stands.

John chuckled. “Oh, it’s great.” The crowd cheered again, cutting John off from saying more.

“John, I think the first thing everyone wants to know is what is it like being Captain America?” The anchor asked. “Do eagles fly overhead wherever you go?”

John laughed. “Uh, yes. Yeah, that and flags tend to start majestically waving in the wind.”

“And how’s the tour been? I know they did a big rollout for you, right?”

“It’s the greatest honor of my life. Um, but I’m just a little shocked, I think. How did a guy like me end up here?”

“Oh, wait, wait, wait. ‘A guy like me’? Somebody’s being a bit too humble. For those of you who aren’t familiar with his resume, John Walker, first person in American history to receive three Medals of Honor, ran RS-One missions in counterterrorism and hostage rescue.” 

Pictures and video clips were shown on the tv of what the anchor was talking about. Including a video of him practicing with the shield. Y/N’s hands began to glow purple. 

“The government did a study of your body at MIT, and you tested off the charts in every measurable category,” the anchor continued.“Speed, endurance, intelligence—“

“Look, here’s the thing, uh, I’m not Tony Stark, I’m not Dr. Banner, okay?” John interrupted. “I don’t have the flashiest gadgets, I don’t have super strength. But what I do have is guts. Something Captain America always had, always needs to have, and I’m gonna need every ounce of it. Because I got big shoes to fill.”

“Did you know Steve Rogers?”

“I was two years out of West Point when Steve came back on the scene. I followed his career very closely as an Avenger. I like to think that I modeled my work after his.”

“So, you’ve always wanted to be a hero?”

“I liked that what I was doing would make people feel safe. Steve Rogers was the kind of guy who could do that, he gave me hope. Even though I never met him, he feels like a brother.”

Before Y/N could even think, she was rushing through a portal to where John was answering questions. Natasha called out for her but the portal shut between them.

“A brother?” Y/N’s voice wickedly echoed through the stadium as she climbed up the steps of the stage. The crowd grew eerily quiet as wisps of her power floated around Y/N. “He feels like a brother to you?”

John was quick to stand up. “Y/N. It’s an honor—“

“You have no idea what the hell you’re talking about. You are a false Captain America. You will never be what Steve was.”

“Why don’t we go somewhere private and talk—“

“Maybe you should have thought about this before you pranced around the country. Maybe even before you said yes to this position. A position that wasn’t even yours to take.” Y/N’s hands grew brighter with her anger. “That shield is not yours. You do not deserve the history or the weight behind it. You’re done here.” 

With a snap of her fingers, Y/N set the camera’s on fire. The crowd began screaming and rushing out of the stadium. John held his ground, though Y/N could sense that he was growing more terrified by the second. In a flash, Y/N was standing centimeters away from John.

“The shield is property of my family,” Y/N’s whisper was terrifying. “I will get it back unless you want to do the right thing.”

“I am Captain America.”

“Fine. Have it your way.” A darkness found Y/N’s eyes that terrified John to his core. “I will have that shield and you will not be Captain America. I will make sure of it.”

~~~

Rhodey threw down the magazines with an anger that Y/N had never seen before. The headlines were on the same: Y/N ROGERS-STARK GONE CRAZY! The articles were all similar as well. How dangerous Y/N’s powers were. How she should be locked up.

“I thought you had it under control,” Rhodey’s tone meant that there was no room for lies.

“I do have it under control,” Y/N replied. She was looking down at her hands, unable to meet the gazes of those staring at her. 

Natasha, Pepper, and Rhodey were all standing on the other side of the dining room table. Happy was outside, keeping Morgan busy. The Secret Service was stationed inside and outside the house, keeping Y/N and Rhodey in their sights.

“This doesn’t look that way!” Rhodey continued. “They want me to lock you up in Raft! Raft, Y/N! No Morgan, no Peter, no Harley.”

“I have it under control. I just— I lost my temper. It won’t happen again.”

Rhodey scoffed. “Too late, Y/N. The whole world saw you and your powers. They know that you have the power of the Stones and they are calling for action.”

“I can fix this.”

“How?”

“Let me talk to Sam. Sam is meant to be Captain America.”

“That’s not fixing it.” 

“Y/N,” Pepper finally spoke up, “there is something you can do to help this. It’s a failsafe that Tony came up with.”

“No!” Natasha was quick to answer. “Tony only created those for life threatening situations. This is not life threatening.”

“The people don’t see it that way,”

“What are you talking about?” Y/N finally looked up at all of them.

Natasha sighed. “Back when your powers were emerging and our knowledge of the Stones began to grow, Tony noticed the toll it was taking on you,” she explained. “He created a device to control your powers.”

“What?” Y/N was devastated to think that Tony might have been scared of her and that he created something to protect everyone from her.

“Tony created it as a protection for you more than from you. The Stones were taking so much of your strength each time you used powers. He was worried that one day it would be too much and that they would fully control you.”

“He— you all knew?”

“It was a backup,” Rhodey added. “He gave us access to it before the mission to retrieve the Stones.”

A part of Y/N felt betrayed, while another understood the concern surrounding her abilities. “What are they? How do they work?”

“FRIDAY, pull up project ALWAYS.”

A hologram appeared above the table. Two bracelets spun around in it as well as a video. Y/N kept her eyes on the video, an image of Tony already showing.

“We’ll leave you to watch this alone,” Pepper said as they all left the room.

Y/N stared at the hologram. She couldn’t get herself to play the video. Tony would be so disappointed in her, and she couldn’t handle that. Not now.

“Would you like me to play the video?” FRIDAY asked.

Y/N swallowed down some of her emotion before responding quietly, “Yes.”

Tony’s image took over the hologram. His eyes bore into Y/N’s like he was actually there. Images of Tony’s last moments played through Y/N’s mind.

“Hey, honey,” Tony’s words brought her out of her thoughts. “If you’re seeing this, then something has happened where I couldn’t be there for you, and your powers overtook you… I am sorry that I couldn’t be there myself to help you go through whatever you are going through. I hate myself for it.” Y/N began to cry. 

“Before I continue, I want you to know that I made these bracelets to protect you,” Tony continued. “I didn’t make them because I was scared of you or to protect others from you, but to protect you. Your powers… I have watched them take more and more from you as the years go on. I know that you don’t have them as I speak, but bringing the Stones back will do something; I know it. You will have them and have to do your best to control your power before it controls you.”

“This bracelets were made out of materials that once harnessed the Stones,” Tony explained. “I was able to get scraps here and there. There’s also an updated grade of whatever SHIELD made their detention cells out of. The bracelets were never tested, but many simulations were run. The bracelets are controlled by FRIDAY. FRIDAY has the ability to turn them on and off by command. Your voice is the only command she won’t listen to unless it’s an absolute emergency.”

“Y/N… I love you… Always.”

Tony’s image disappeared, and Y/N wiped away her tears as he tried not to break out into sobs. Natasha was the first one back in the room. 

“Y/N…” a whisper fell from her lips. She came over and sat beside her friend. Natasha grabbed one of Y/N’s hands.

“How… how could he love me so much… he knew… deep down, he knew that it would always be Bucky for me,” Y/N was going to break. “Yet… yet he continues to amaze me, even after death.”

“Tony also wanted what was best for you, no matter what.”

“I’ll do it. I’ll wear the bracelets.”

~~~

The bracelets felt heavy on Y/N’s wrists, despite knowing they were lighter than most. Everyone had left after Y/N recorded an apology video. She hated that she had to do that, especially since she meant the threats she made to the false Captain America. Currently, it was dark outside. Morgan was asleep in bed, and Y/N sat on the porch, staring at the water. The peace was interrupted by her phone buzzing. She answered it before even looking at who was calling.

“Hello?” She answered.

“Hey, Y/N,” Bucky’s voice rang out through the phone. “How are you?”

next chapter >

[aceofshitposts]

batquinn for mermay drabble ❤️

-

Quiet fills the cave as Bruce hangs up his call to Zatanna. It wasn't good news, though it definitely could have been worse also. While the kid who's uncontrolled magic had been caught and sorted the various effects of their magic were going to linger for up to a week.

Harley lays stomach down on a medical gurney, idly twirling a lock of pale blonde hair around a clawed finger. Bright red, white and black stripes adorn her figure, spines and fins laying flat against her tail that slaps rhythmically against the bed.

Bruce doesn't know if there is symbolism intended from the various transformations performed tonight but a lion fish seems to perfectly sum up how he sees Harley. Beautiful and deadly.

"We should move you into the pool."

Harley startles from where she had clearly been lost in thought. She gives a strained smile while saying, "nope. I'm good here, thanks."

"If you're worried about cleanliness it has a state of the art filtration system--"

"No, uh, maybe just a tub instead?" Harley asks hopefully.

Bruce frowns. Harley shifts, turning to sit on the edge of the gurney. She's fidgety, not uncommon but this has a nervous energy to it.

"It's going to be up to a week, I don't think you'll be comfortable staying in a tub," Bruce says slowly, mind turning over Harley's reluctance in his head. If she didn't want to stay in the cave, perhaps somewhere else would be better. "I could talk to Arthur maybe and arrange something in Atlantis."

"No!" Harley exclaims. "I mean, no. No, I'd- Ugh. I just."

She squirms more, struggling to express herself and takes a deep breath, "I don't like being submerged in water."

Oh.

Of course.

Being underwater would remind her of The Joker.

"I know it's dumb, it was years ago! But I never really had to, y'know, go swimmin' since."

Bruce reaches out, gently cupping Harley's face in his hand.

"It's not dumb, I understand."

She looks up at him with watery blue eyes and a thin smile.

"Maybe if you've got a bat-thing suit around I'd feel better if you could join me?"

Bruce chuckles, placing a kiss to the crown of Harley's head.

"I could get the bat-speedo out, I suppose."

-

Author's notes/rambling: i know a lot of people probably would assign harley clownfish but i feel like lion fish is a much better match for her. their beauty and deadliness just seems perfect.

then i also thought, getting submerged in the same gotham goop that the joker did could leave a lasting impression. so i just went with that lmao. anyway hope u enjoyed! have a great night everyone <3

[pointless-discourse]

hs diet/cooking skills headcandons :3

what would they eat. i prommy im not scrambling for ideas, i am being fully genuine when i say i think about (the majority) of these a lot. disregarding my trans hcs for consistency and to try to reign in my fanon perception and keep it at least semi-accurate

content warning for disordered eating

JOHN EGBERT

eats very well, if a little heavy on the sweets just based on how many are in his vicinity. his dad loves baking. there will be baked goods. despite how sick he gets of sugar, he's gonna nibble.

however, i'm sure his dad knows how to cook and passed that onto john, at least how to follow a recipe

i think john would be a recipe follower most of the time tbh

living with nanna on the ship wouldn't significantly alter his skills

maybe with all that free time he'd start to improv more in the kitchen?

anyway, he is a good cook and is probably going to end up cooking for his disaster friends a lot because he is a charming young man

well not really? like he'll be on it in a pinch if he's asked too, or immediately reminded that his friends can't fucking cook, but she, in typical egbert fashion, will remain doing her own thing a lot of the time

charming young june gets tradwife'd ig

fuck i transed her . oopsie

DAVE STRIDER

we've seen that his fridge is full of smuppets and he hides his food, so his stash is small and is made up of foods that don't need to be refrigerated

texan heat is def a catalyst for that rot

his stash is also made of cheap, low quality food, because i doubt he's getting a lot of money

just an assortment of non-ingredient food like apples and mcdonands

this is on the hypothesis that bro gives dave food money or dave's somehow monetized his skills

if bro is providing this food, it's probably semi-often paywalled behind weird shit or swordfights

TLDR: he likely doesn't have a consistent supply either. enough to sustain some muscle so he can live up to what we've seen in comic, but he's underweight

you think he'll learn to cook on the meteor? wrong. why learn to cook when you can alchemize? what's the point of alchemizing the ingredients for a PB&J and then assemble it when you can just magic up a sandwich?

he cannot cook. he will burn the water. the only appliance he can use is a microwave, and that is iffy in itself because, until he gets the hang of it, will leave a slightly lukewarm hamburger in there for ten minutes

JADE HARLEY

plants. a lot of plants.

freshest thing near her. everything else she has to get through the airplane mail.

she'd forget to eat for a day or two, and then wonder why she's so hungry and then eat enough to feed a family of three. horses. three horess

she lost her grandpa at a young age and then was raised by a dog, so i doubt her eating habits are completely normal

she eats like a dog. jade does not use silverware because she does not like doing dishes. all food is finger food if you're not afraid.

what she eats is of very high quality. if she remembers to eat and can prepare her food correctly, she'll do fine.

on that topic, she's not a bad cook. her chem know-how would help her estimate what would work. but she's never had another person interact with her cooking, so it's lacking a lot of stuff.

research can get her cooking close to the real thing, but it's still mediocre. she doesn't even know what she's missing, because she's never known anything else.

she has a lot of weird tastes that can only come from an insane amount of time to kill. i'm talking mustard everywhere.

john and nanna might be able to reign her in a bit? they would definitely help her improve her cooking skills. watching her eat, there would still be something off about her.

however, she can cook for herself, and it tastes kinda good.

ROSE LALONDE

like john in that she had someone there who would cook for her.

mom lalonde is very absent, but she's still on top of things. she responds to rose's notes. she vaccums. she would still cook for rose on a regular basis, give or take a few off weeks.

that cooking would not be good, because she's wasted whilst making it.

even if the food was good, rose wouldn't admit it.

she often makes a show of pecking at her food, but still eats.

unlike john, mom never showed rose how to cook. rose never asked.

when she gets to the meteor, like dave, she alchemizes all the food she needs. there has never been a reason for her to learn how to cook.

she could probably put effort in and, with strife, successfully follow a recipe, but she is a horrible cook. she does not understand it for the life of her, and she won't until she studies it

she'll master it. eventually.

JANE CROCKER

like june. their upbringings are very similar.

one exception is that she cooks more and is a much better cook than she is because jane genuinely cares about it.

she also has some mad pastry skills.

jane can make macarons.

she would attempt to teach her disaster friends to cook, but would quickly lose patience.

and then she would try to cook for them, but get sick of it a meal in. they are very picky and her temper is not long

DIRK STRIDER

survives purely off rations/canned food

again, dave's food is fuel mindset extends to him and he can stomach a lot of "gross" things, like an entire can of peanut butter. i may have mentioned that before, so i'll give you some PD lore. i have eaten an entire jar of peanut butter out of hunger and i think about that event a lot because it was not nice for my tastebuds

however, i think as a control freak he would be adamant about his food schedule, even mathing out the amount of calories he would need to consume for every meal proportional to what he does in a day

and then a half-hearted attempt to balance out protiens, fats, minerals, and the other stuff

he is very adamant about his schedule and consuming the food he needs to survive, but that schedule is fucked

ex. 3 cans of canned peaches for breakfast at 3:50 in the morning. two large, burnt mutated fish for dinner at noon. no lunch. or eats half a can of peaches for the twenty hours he is awake in a day.

he can cook, as in prepare meat to be consumed alright. it's edible, and it's not that bad. but he is assed at combining ingredients. he cannot create something successful. all his food tastes like shit because he does not pick up on taste. though, i believe if he was cooking for someone else, he could set aside a few days and come up with something that's high-tier in the mediocre range.

JAKE ENGLISH

he eats only the meat of the beasts he's killed. he has scurvy.

he is a good cook (in the sense that he can competently prepare meat) though, and genuinely cares about the quality of the food he makes for the sake of his taste buds, and cooking is something he can get lost in

however: he has insane tastes. he is an expert in preparing food in this hyper-unique way that he is insane for but is absolutely disgusting to anyone else

ex. after years of eating similar tasting meat, he was motivated to use seasoning. he does not own seasoning. he is going insane and cannot eat the same thing again. he uses dirt. tastes bad, but god he is dying for something new after x years of eating the same thing for breakfast lunch and dinner. he continues to eat it because he cannot eat unseasoned meat anymore and repetition-causes-complacency's himself into genuinely enjoying the taste of dirt.

dirt is just the tip of the iceberg

jake is also unintentionally bulking (bodybuilders eat a lot of meat to gain muscle). he eats a lot of protien. however, he hasn't herd of the concept of 'cuts' (where you stop eating as much to let the muscles show) so he has a bit of a tummy

but also, he's sixteen so he's not a fridge. i also don't see him as that tall (huss draws him as shorter than dirk anyay huehuehue) but he has muscle if you look. twunk if anything

ROXY LALONDE

genuinely horrid diet

so zoned out and depressed she barely recognizes her own hunger and even then has no drive to do anything about it

will eat sugary stuff for the happy chemicals

roxy is the one trans headcanon i have where i am completely unable to distinguish it from canon

she is trans in my head. that is as much a part of her to me as her love for cats is

anyway like a lot of trans women she's pressured to be petite and small in her portion choices so even when she has the drive to eat i dont think its a lot

because of her likely not weighing a lot shes a lightweight

part one million on how is roxy not dead yet

and as expected, she cannot cook

she also has some really weird tastes

she is really good at baking a few specific sweets that she eats on repeat (with a lot of recipes from jane)

once she enters the medium and works on her drinking problem i think her eating problems would also get less intensive

not drinking as much she has to face her hunger more

and being around jane, a big gal, face to face, i think that would do something to her idea that to be a woman she has to be small

KARKAT VANTAS

troll rations

not only is he poor so no money for all the nice stuff i also dont think troll society has a big focus on cooking

their only main professions are military based and art doesn't seem to be a big focus, just a highblood thing

again probably some nasty cheap ration bars that keep him alive

but i do think he eats regularly and normal amounts, he has that fighting spirit to stay alive and get stronger

but yeah i don't think troll society would require you to put a lot of effort into culinary stuff. but he can prepare the food well

the meteor inspired no one to cook, but he'd get the hang of human food and probably enjoy it as compared to tasteless lowblood troll slop

humanstuck karkat is a kid chef. he is so fucking good at cooking. baking too.

ARADIA MEGIDO

mmmmm yummy troll slop

same as karkat

ghost aradia didnt need to eat anyway so i doubt that would've affected her diet habits

same with got tiger aradia? don't think she would bother with it, too much else to do

but once she starts hanging around in the dreambubbles, exposed to non-troll slop cusine, she'd have a fun time trying to learn how to cook and delight in all those new flavors

then when she gets to earth c she's a good cook who loves cooking

TAVROS NITRAM

i dont have any headcanons fro tavros because is hate him

sorry tavros fans

uhh he probably eats POOP!!! and LIKES IT!!! because he TAVROS!!!

SOLLUX CAPTOR

troll-slop-enjoyer, but also likes aradia's cooking

humanstuck sollux survives purely off doritos and g-fuel

NEPETA LEJION

utter chad

survives solely off the giant beasts she kills herself

ripped yet still small and nimble

her diet is entirely protein

no troll slop for her

unfortunately for her, this means missing out on non protiens and fats

nepeta has scurvy

humanstuck nepeta is less feral and also eats cute japanese cat themed sweets

KANAYA MARYAM

dont know if it was stated in canon but she would garden alongside eating troll slop

blood

yumy blood

roses blood

you would not believe it from looking at her but humanstuck kanaya eats a lot of spicy food and has a horrifically high spice tolerance

she's also pretty good at cooking, mediocre at baking

TEREZI PYROPE

?????? chalk???????

hopefully alongside the slop

either that or troll chalk is really nutritious

VRISKA SERKET

despite technically being a highblood i doubt she'd engage in their fancy food

she eats to survive, not for the taste

she may have access to higher quality sludge though

i think this part of her would persist, but she does love june's cooking

EQUIUS ZAHHAK

pure, distilled protien and milk

so much milk

its not 2%, not 3.25%, it's 100% milk

he suckles it straight from the moobeast teat

it is really weird and he does not get invited to parties

gigachad

humanstuck equius's diet is 1/4 food and 3/4 protien shakes, bars, and the like

he'd probably also be like those bodybuilding influencers who eat eggs raw or camel nutsacks

GAMZEE MAKARA

similar to roxy in that he's too checked out to remember to eat

but what he does have as a highblood is insanely high quality

sober gamzee does not require any sustenance to survive in a similar fashion as to how he got shot down by caliborn and was fine afterwards

humanstuck gamzee can bake. he cannot cook. he has the diet of an insane college student, ramen cups interspersed with weed brownies

occasionally he gets the munchies and eats enough to feed four full grown goku

i like thinking that someone realized he wasn't doing alright tried to help him, maybe roxy? in a universe where he didn't get lil cal'd

ERIDAN AMPORA

only the finest fish food for him

he dines like a king

he projectile vomits when in a 50 mile radius of the sludge

agile, but weak

doesn't cook, has other people do it for him

humanstuck eridan has a private chef and is offended if you expect him to cook for himself

FEFERI PEIXES

finest fish food for her, dines like a queen

but also attempts to live like the normies once and a while

and take a bite of the (highblood edition) slop

humanstuck fef also has a private chef but helps out in the kitchen from time to time

gonna b real dawgs, i cannot concieve of the dancestors in this manner. peace

[writing-nothing-but-spilled-ink]

Joker head cannons

He definitely knows how to sew more then that he knows how to make clothing and he's really good with mending and making dresses if he feels like it

He's bisexual with a preference towards men like he has some attraction to woman but I feel like he more so views woman as easier to manipulate and control then men, tho he does have to find the woman attractive otherwise there's no real point for him to be with them, but even when he has a female partner hes still flirting with men any chance he gets and not just Batman but just some rando mobster he meets at one of the many bars in Gotham

He's definitely borrowed one or more of Harley's dresses and has had to make or order her a custom dress because he got blood on the one he borrowed and she's destroying his layer and killing his goons because it was her favorite and if he doesn't remedy it he'll have no competent goons to do his bidding..

Just like he hates Nazis he hates homophobia even more he can't be bothered with other things like abuse or domestic violence or murder but homophobia no he's hunting you down like a dog if he catches you on his turf dating to be homophobic god help you if you make a homophobic comment about him... I just imagine he just smiles and laughs and then kills you the most brutal way possible and then takes your body and starts parading it around Gotham as his date and even goes so far to go into a restaurant with the body orders dinner for both puts it on your credit card and opens a bottle of champagne like would you like more my love and starts cackling while the rest of the staff are horrified, I feel he'd even go so far as to carve words or something into your flesh and then finally dumps the body as a warning..

In that same vain if he's out and about enjoying a day off or day off adjacent for him and he's at a bar hell definitely be the life of the party mans will be flirting hardcore with any man he finds mildly attractive would definitely shoot you for not laughing at his jokes though

He has a whole warehouse full of custom dresses he's designed and had made and suits and other various costumes

He's a really good cook witch no one expects especially with cooking on a budget he can make like a five star meal out of the cheapest ingredients but if he has a choice hes a bit bougie, also I feel like he'd host a cooking class with his goons because they keep fucking up his breakfast and as he's teaching the class one of the goons burns the egg and he goes "oh sweetie that's not it at all", then grabs the goons face and holds it down onto the burner till a circular burn mark is on his face while saying, "I dont want to punish you but if i don't how will you ever learn". He releases him but and tells him to try again the goon surprisingly gets it right..

NOTE: Now this next one it really depends on what iteration of joker but I'm gonna put this around bronze/silver age era where he's less violent and psychotic and in this little thought Harley still exists yes ik she wasn't written till the 90s this is my head canon shut up also this is canon things mixed in with my headcanons so

But I imagine mid fight with one of the bat kids one of them pauses and is like joker can I ask you a question and joker is kind of like thrown off a bit and a thousand percent expects it to be a trick or sucker punched but he goes along with it and is like sure what's your question and the bat kid is like... "Soooooo your not straight right"?! And joker just fucking starts laughing then pauses and is like "kid what about my outfit makes you think ah yes that's a straight man do you think a straight man would flirt with Batman or go out of his way to arrange such lovely dates for batsy if I were straight ". And joker is absolutely laughing because this is the funniest joke he's ever heard to think anyone ever thought he was straight even harley who he was involved with for years knew this about him the moment she laid eyes on him.. the bat kid just kinda staring at him awkwardly ajd joker just is like why do you ask there's gotta be some reason for this question.. the bat kid is like uhh so then your bisexual right so like how did u know you were bisexual what were the indicators you were the first villain I kind of thought of I could ask and also the most available.. joker just pauses and is like alright I'm putting a pin in this plan and calls Harley and tells her to bring a white board and markers witch leads to an hour long lecture on the different genders and sexualities and what they all mean as well as an explanation that not everyone will be an ally

He also goes on to explain that when he was young it wasn't really a good time to be gay or bisexual so a lot of people were repressing part of themselves due to fear of what others would do to them if it got out and how the kid is lucky that the world is more accepting now then it was then he also explains that he and Harley had different experiences in that regard as they grew up in different times seeing as Harley is younger then joker

To put in perspective when Harley was a freshman in college Bruce was already three grades above her and on the cusp of graduating before dropping out

He's secretly a wine drinker

At some point he went to college and graduated with honors

He doesn't like animals views them as filthy and not worth his time

Hes neutral towards children definitely would beef with a child actually does beef with children (the batfam) I feel like he neither likes nor dislikes children like yeah he killed Jason but that was on a whim

[artsninspo]

Hi! Do you write for Modie? Can you do one where she is with the mandem and modie is her bf and she sees him for the first time after he broke out of jail. She is just like worrying about his scar and stuff and he‘s all soft. Just fluff. Thank you so much, love you🥰

“WHY SO SERIOUS?”

Author's Note: Hey, I don't typically write for Modie BUT since it's fall and Halloween is approaching I thought I’d do something fun with Modie. He gives me joker vibes (I mean it’s no coincidence they both had acid accidents), you know not easily understood, intimidating and a little off his rocker. This request is influenced by Joker and Harley Quinn - hope you enjoy the spin on this req. Sidenote* I don't plan to make this a habit LOL so please don’t be upset if your Modie req is never posted

Pairing: Modie X Reader 

Word Count: 1.8K

Warnings: Mentions of murder & adult themes.

You finish a deep stretch letting out a sigh finishing your yoga for the day. Your thoughts are where they always are on Modie. Your muffin is locked up in a cage where he doesn't belong. Reaching for your phone you check your messages. Nude’s usually works to get his attention but he hasn't responded in hours. Groaning you head into the bathroom to shower and contemplate using one of the many dildos ready in your walk-in shower to take the edge off. You hope the pigs in the prison haven't confiscated his phone again because that’ll mean more time in the hole. You reach for the cast Muffin had made for you personally only to withdraw. He doesn't like when you play without him.

He’ll know, he always does.

“Uhhhhhh” you groan showering without any fun. You were supposed to have a facetime date last night. 

What if I did something wrong and this is my punishment?

You spend time lotioning your body in contemplation of your options trying to find a cause for the silence. Muffin said no tv or internet today so your options are limited, and you're in no mood to play on your switch. Muffin’s crew is having a party tonight, Layton told you. It's your best bet at staying in the loop so you decide on that. You hide your sadness with your makeup and freshly flat iron your half blonde and half black fringe, putting wavy curls in the rest of your hair. You put on a gloss and admire your full pout pretending Muffin was appling it for you. Then you put in your silver grillz he bought for your last birthday to match his. You smile sweetly at the memory of him smiling back at you in approval of the look, his hand under your chin before placing a soft kiss on your lips. What you wouldn't do to be back in that moment again, with him free, with you, when nothing else mattered. You step into your leather boots after getting on a one piece long sleeve unitard in all black. Your ensemble matches your mood. 

The journey to the fields is only a few songs long and you arrive at a full car park.

“Y/N” you're greeted a few times before heading into the yard. You push the door in and Layton stands at attention like you’ve done something wrong. There's no music, no scent of liquor or weed and definitely not the overflow of women these lot are used to.

“Ahhhh” you hear a groan.

You look at Layton knowing he knows better than to conduct business where the mandem call home and he uses his body to keep you out of the flat.

“Move!” you snap before shoving him back. You enter the living room and see the rest of the crew. Kit, Jamie and Si look least happy to see you as usual.

“Can I get you something?” Saf stands.

“I’m alright, thought this was a party” you look around and see the party was set up but nothings been touched.

“Nah, we're heading to another spot” Saf smiles.

“Has anyone heard from Modie? He hasn’t responded to my messages in hours” you ask. Each and every one of them look uneasy like they're keeping something from you.

“He had to get rid of his phone, spoke to him earlier today” Layton says puzzling you. “Then you lot must be fucking up if he used his call to speak to you and not me?” you snap, growing angry.

“Y/N, I swear” Layton stammers as you frown.

“Nah, nothing like that, we have good news for Modie - not bad” Jamie says. “Lets go to this party, yeah?” He stands, forcing a smile. Layton’s a loyal dog but Jamie’s always been smart first.

“I’m riding with you” you declare, watching him closely. Jamie’s afraid of you and you know it. He thinks you're crazy and unstable, he’s not wrong. Jamie's kryptonite is women and children, falling into the former category you have little to worry about. He gets the passenger door for you before getting in himself. He starts the car always observant before pulling out of the spot.

“Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, what are you hiding from me?” you smile excited to play.

“Nothing” he lies.

“How convincing” you giggle. “You're usually much better, what are you on edge about?” you ask, leaning closer.

“Modie wouldn't want you to worry,” he says.

“Modie doesn't need your head all fuzzy, he needs you sharp” you smile and Jamie looks at you uneasily. Your smile grows as your assessment is correct. Jamie’s always shown you the utmost respect even when you've pushed quite far. He's never flirted or been suggestive and always shut down his peers when they were a little too close to the line. Any man with that much discipline and awareness is dangerous. “Don’t worry James, I like you. Relax, unclench - woosah” you taunt before giggling.

“Are you good for money?” Jamie asks.

“Yes Mister So Serious” you mock making a face. Jamie shakes his head in disapproval. “You’re such a stiff, now wonder you and Mo are friends - opposites attract” you smile sweetly.

“You are not his opposite” Jamie mutters and you applaud his wit laughing.

“See, that was a good one. I only get upset when they aren't fair or respectful” you warn.

“Throwing knives is a fair way to address disrespect?” he asks.

“One day you'll find your person and if someone goes mad at them, I bet you do much worse” you pat his shoulder.

“Modie broke out” Jamie says, wiping the smile off your face as he parks. “He had an accident he doesn't want you to worry about.” Jamie sighs as he parks. “He’s in there now, so do yourself up and act surprised” Jamie says once you've picked your jaw up off the floor. Your eyes hold his happy tears well. Your cheeks burn and you sniffle to keep your nose from running as you pull down the visor to get at the mirror. You curse for not wearing a better bra and re-adjust your tits before turning to Jamie.

“How do I look?” you ask him but he’s looking away as usual. “For fuck sake Jamie look!” you whine when he looks away.

“Bra strap is showing, gloss on your teeth” he says motioning to both before surveying you some more. “Some of the blonde is in the black bit” he says pointing to your hair, looking in the visor you fix it quickly. You look at him with big eyes in need of approval.

“Perfect” he nods. “Relax, unclench, woosah” he mocks and you snicker.

“I like you Jamie” you smile as you get out of the car. You head in the venue. The music is loud and you look around. There’s no time to take heed of the song playing as you look around. Layton motions for you to follow him you do with the rest of them to a secondary party drinks are flowing and there are more familiar faces. Phones are taken and shit off at the door. You grab a drink to calm your nerves and look around the party as the lights go so low it's hard to see at all. You feel a body against yours before your arms pull you in tight.

“Looking for me?” his voice asks, making your heart race, turning around and hugging him so tight. “What did I tell you about sending me naughty pics without warning?” he asks, placing kisses on your neck.

“But I missed you and I wanted to feel pretty and sexy,” you confess, pulling away to try and see him. It's impossible. 

“It’s inconsiderate to send a man that kind of material when he’s sharing a cell” he tells you. 

“Sorry, Muffin” you apologise and he chuckles running his hands through your hair. “Sorry” you apologise again when you realise you’ve used his pet name amongst his peers.

“Music's loud, it's okay Sweets” he says and you kiss him again. Your heart is racing as he holds you. You go to touch his face but he holds your hand. Uneasiness fills you. Jamie's words replay and you take Muffin’s hand following the lights on the floor into a private room. 

He’s been maimed. 

“Is who did this to you still alive?” you snap, trembling. Modie tries to withhold his amusement.

“For now” he nods as your temper flares. You hug him again relieved to have him home and he hugs back relaxing.

“I missed you, Sweets,” he says, rocking you side to side. He takes your chin. “Smile” he says and you show him you have your grills in. His smile grows wider and he hugs you again.

“We can drive to Spain and I can find you a good doctor, you can heal and rest and we’ll be alright” you say, devising a plan.

“Shhhhh” he says, holding your face in his hands. You look at the mangled skin and the blue hued cloudy eye. You don't look away and this time when you go to touch that side of his face he doesn't withdraw,allowing the intimate gesture. You smile when he takes your hand kissing your palm.

“What?” he asks.

“I don't know,” you shrug. “I just think it's really sexy,” you confess. “But, when I find out who did it, I'll kill them,” you added, smiling sweetly.

“I’m free now, we can have our fun” he says leaning in for another kiss and palming your ass.

“You promise you're alright?” you ask, looking him over.

“I have my girl and I have someone’s life to ruin - I’m perfect” he smiles and Layton knocks entering slowly with his head down.

“Boss, the mandem wants to toast” he says, you watch Modie’s persona change as he steps out among his peers, the leader of the pack. He keeps his eyes on you looking your way as he socialises and tells the animated tale of his escape. You sip your liquor thinking of all the ways you’re going to reunite later on. It takes you twenty minutes to slowly make your way to Jamie for answers.

“I know you know who did that to Modie” you say loud enough for him to hear.

“It’s for him to say” he responds.

“I thought we were friends” you pout.

“Only because you are more dangerous than him.” he says.

“Shhhhh” you tell Jamie. “Tell me” you mouth.

“Sully, Summerhouse Sully '' Jamie says but the name doest ring any bells. He must be a ghost, someone from the past trying to settle unfinished business.

Now he’ll be a corpse.

“Thanks, James” you smile heading back to Modie, the crowd parts for you like the red sea and you sit on your muffins lap making all the chatter and flattery stop. It's like it's just the two of you in the club, you drink and dance for him and laugh together, he tells jokes and tickles you and holds you and your heart is full because you have your man back.

...

I had a lot of fun writing this one, depending on how this does I may do a part two. No smut, just mentions of it with a little revenge and more lunacy. Maybe a halloween party idk. Chime in in the comment section.

[dis0rderly-cl0wn-nerd]

Harlequinade

Ledger!Joker x Harley (what I think she’d be like in the Nolanverse)

Warnings: None

Summary: Harleen assembles her costume and requests to join Joker in his mission to spread chaos, much to his horror.

Author’s Note: Woo! Last chapter of this fic is complete! I didn’t think I’d ever get it done. Harley has officially gone off the deep end. There’s no turning back now! Anyway, I renamed this fic on Ao3 to Fire Meet Gasoline in reference to a Sia song because it’s totally them. I’m probably also going to rename some of the chapter titles as well because they’re vague and not very creative. Coming up with titles is not my strong point. Anyways, as always enjoy! I really liked writing this. There will definitely be more to come.

Joker woke up to the sound of a loud crash. He sat straight up and scanned the apartment. He relaxed when he realized it was just Harleen. She was in the kitchen making something. Two metal pans had fallen on the floor.

Sighing, Joker stood up and stretched. He groggily walked into the kitchen.

“Whatcha doing?” He asked Harleen.

“Cooking breakfast.” She replied as she mixed something in a bowl.

Joker watched her work, admiring her curves in the dim morning light. 

“I found a pancake mix. It was in the back of one of those cabinets I cleaned out yesterday. You need to restock on food by the way.” Harleen told him.

“I don’t feel like going anywhere today.” 

“I could go later.” 

“How?”

“I’ll walk. Duh.”

“That’s not a very good idea.”

“There’s a Walmart three blocks from here. It’s not far. I’ll be fine.”

“If you say so.”

Joker sat down at the kitchen table. Harleen poured the mixture into a buttered pan on the stove and let it cook.

“How’s your side?” She asked.

“Sore.” 

“It should be. That cut was pretty deep.”

“Your bad stitching is part of it.” 

“It was good enough that you wouldn’t bleed out. Give me a break. I’m a psychiatrist not a surgeon.” 

Joker smirked. “Practicing psychiatrist?” 

Harleen shot him a look. “You love rubbing it in my face, don’t you?”

“Oh come on. Who would willingly want that job? It’d be so boring. Paperwork, phone calls, and sooo much sitting. That’s all those people know how to do! Every time I see my doctor he’s sitting down.”

Harleen laughed at his dramatics. “I would. And it’s not boring. Do you have any idea how fascinating the mind is?”

“Sure I do. I’m a prime example.” Joker said with a wide grin.

Harleen shook her head and flipped the pancakes in the pan over. Joker wasn’t done.

“You’re, uh, too pretty for that place, doll. They would’ve ruined you.”

Harleen smiled a little. It was getting ridiculous how much he kept calling her pretty.

She finished off the pancakes and brought them over to the table. Joker grabbed the syrup bottle and made a smiley face on his, making Harleen chuckle. He could be so adorable sometimes.

After they ate, Joker gave Harleeen some money for the groceries. 

“Here. Buy what you need to. Try not to get stuff that goes bad quickly. Don’t talk to anyone unless you have to and don’t draw attention to yourself.” He instructed.

Harleen nodded. She threw on one of his flannels to stay warm in the chilly October weather, pocketed the knife he gave her, and went on her way. 

She bought the food first, avoiding people and laying low just like Joker asked her too. The cashier gave her a weird look when she checked out and Harleen guessed it was the love bite Joker had given her a couple nights before. Embarrassed, she hid it with her hair, paid for the food, and left carrying two big brown bags.

As she rounded the corner on the way back, she made a second stop. This was why she really wanted to go out. If she wanted to join Joker, she had to look the part.

The second stop was a thrift store with clothes and other miscellaneous stuff. Being October, they had out their Halloween stuff which gave Harleen more options within the style she was looking for. 

She came across a sleeveless black crop top with a red rim on the bottom. It was a bit too revealing for her liking but she could cover up with the reddish purple flannel she stole borrowed from Joker. Then she found two pairs of jeggings. One black and one red. She couldn’t decide which one she liked the best so she got both. Next she needed some shoes. She saw a pair of black lace up boots and decided they were right for the job.

A black belt with a diamond shaped buckle caught her eye. It wasn’t necessary but added something to the look. She grabbed it as well. She already bought hair dye and makeup at Walmart so she was good there. 

Feeling satisfied, she went to check out. There was a sweet looking old lady at the counter. She rang up the items and chuckled.

“Are you gonna be a clown for Halloween or something?” She asked innocently.

Oh she has no idea.

“Um yeah… Me and my boyfriend actually.”

“How sweet. That’ll be fifteen fifty two.” 

Harleen used some of the leftover money to pay. Joker had given her a lot. The old lady handed her the bags and Harleen nodded her thanks. She left the store and started the route back to the apartment.

When she finally got there, she began the climb up the stairs. It was a struggle with the bags in her hands but eventually she made it to the right floor. She put the bags through the window and tumbled into the floor. She stood up and carried the bags to the table. 

Joker was sitting on the bed tinkering with something. Harleen hoped it wasn’t an explosive. He glanced up at her. 

“Need help?” 

“I’ve got it.”

Joker went back to focusing on the device and Harleen used the momentary distraction to hide her costume in the bathroom. She stashed it in the cabinet under the sink.

Then she went back to the table and started putting the groceries away. She looked over at Joker and tried to figure out what he was working on.

“What is that?” She asked him.

“It’s a bomb. But don’t worry, doll, this is just the wiring. I won’t hook up the explosive part until I need it.” He said with a wide grin. 

Harleen shook her head. She finished putting up the groceries and sat down at the table.

Joker stopped where he was at and stored the device in a box with all his other weapons and supplies. 

“I’ve got to go wash my suit. I’m going out tomorrow.” He announced and grabbed his clothes from the floor.

“Wash it where?”

“There’s a washer and dryer downstairs. How else do you think I washed your clothes the other day?”

“There's a downstairs?!” 

“Yeah. It’s just kinda eerie down there. You probably wouldn’t like it.” 

“Oh.”

“Need anything washed?” 

“No. You go ahead.” 

Joker opened a door in the kitchen that led down a staircase. Harleen had thought that it was just a closet. Joker disappeared down the stairs, carrying his clothes in a laundry basket.

The next day

Joker and Harleen sat at the kitchen table, eating an early dinner that Harleen had prepared.

“What time are you leaving tonight?” She asked.

“Uh, probably around six. Why?”

“I was just wondering.”

Actually she was just estimating how much time she had to get ready. Joker was going out tonight and she was going to join him.

Joker stood up and tossed his plate into the sink. 

“I’m not gonna get any sleep tonight so I should probably take a nap. I’ll be in bed if you need anything.” He said with a yawn.

He fell face first into bed and curled up under the covers. Harleen waited a few minutes before she made her move. Once she was certain that Joker was asleep, she went to the bathroom and shut the door, locking it.

Harleen took out her outfit and looked over it. It was so perfect. She remembered she couldn’t decide which color pants she wanted and got an idea. If she couldn’t decide on one color then why not attach them both together? It would match the idea she had for her hair and it made her look more clown-like. As a bonus she could have an extra pair of pants.

So she grabbed the sewing kit from the cabinet and got to work. She cut the two pants in half and sewed the red sides to the black sides. Her sewing skills were not the greatest but they managed to get the job done. After the pants were done she tried them on to make sure they fit properly.

Seeing that they did, she folded them and stored them under the sink along everything else. She left the bathroom to check on J. She glanced at the clock. It was 4:30. She had plenty of time to dye her hair and do her makeup.

Joker was sitting at the table dying his hair green again. His makeup was scattered across the table. He finished with the dye and put his hair up into a small ponytail.

Harleen chuckled at how silly he looked, causing him to look up at her.

“What? I look gorgeous. You’re just jealous.” Joker quipped, tossing a towel over his shoulders.

Harleen stifled her laughter. “Whatever.”

Joker moved on to his makeup and she watched his process. He dabbed on the white paint first and then slathered on the black paint around his eyes. Lastly, he took the tube of lipstick and smeared it over his lips and scars.

Inspired, Harleen went back into the bathroom.

“What’re ya doing in there?” Joker called from the kitchen.

“Shaving!” Harleen lied.

“Good to know.” Joker mumbled.

Harleen set the hair dye on the counter. There were two boxes. One was a red color and the other was a black color. She read the instructions and opened them.

She took the dye out and dipped the bottom of one section into the red dye. Once it had soaked in long enough, she wrapped the strands in foil and moved on to the other side. She dipped it in the black dye and repeated the process.

While she waited on the dye to fully seep in, she began to piece together her outfit.

She put on the crop top first, careful not to mess up her hair, and then the mix-matched pants. She fastened the belt around her waist.

Harleen admired her work so far. She hoped Joker would like it as much as she did. That was all that mattered.

She checked the small clock on the counter. 15 minutes left until the dye was ready.

She worked on her makeup next. First she applied mascara and black eyeliner, extending it out into wings. Then she took her eyeshadow palette and smeared the blackest shade around her eyes. It looked similar to Joker's black paint but more smudged and transparent. She used the eyeliner again to make a line down her eyebrows and cheekbones. This gave the look another clown-like effect.

Next it was time for her mouth. She grabbed her tube of lipstick and spread the bright red pigment on her lips. She purposely smeared it on the corners and around the edges to look more like Joker.

Harleen glanced back at the clock. The 15 minutes was up. She removed the foil from her hair and examined the coloration. It seemed good enough. She divided her hair into the two sections again and braided them. The black side on her left. The red side on her right. 

Lastly, she completed her look with the black boots and threw on the red flannel. She looked at the clock again. It was almost 5:30. She needed to approach Joker now. It would give him enough time to process this before he had to go. She turned the door handle cautiously and tiptoed out into the open. 

Joker was leaning against the counter in his entire 3 piece suit, a full face of makeup, and freshly dyed hair. He was reading the newspaper to pass the time.

Harleen gathered her courage and spoke.

“J…”

Joker looked up at her and his jaw dropped.

“I want to be your partner in crime. Your harlequin.” She said, looking him in the eyes unafraid.

Joker stared back at her in shock.

"What?"

"I want to join you." Harleen repeated firmly.

Joker was speechless at first. She looked hot. He was starting to get aroused just by looking at her. He shook off those thoughts and focused. He was touched by her enthusiasm but he couldn't let her do this.

"Harley... I, uh, appreciate the thought. Really, I do. But I can't ask you to do this. It's too dangerous first of all. And I don’t want you throwing everything away just for me. There’s more for you out there."

"But I want this. I want you. I'm not throwing anything away. You're all I have right now. I have no job, no home, no family..."

"You have a doctorate degree in psychology. You could get a job somewhere."

"I don't have money, J. I was flat broke when I came to Gotham and now I'm fully depleted. Where am I gonna go? Besides, I don't wanna leave you."

"You could just stay with me. I'll provide for us."

"No. I'd feel so useless. You’ve done enough for me. I owe you something."

"Harley, no. I can't let you do this. You wouldn't know the first thing about this kind of work."

"Please. I can learn. You can teach me."

Joker started to get aggravated.

"Harley, I said no. What's even keeping you here with me? You know the risks. Am I really worth it?”

"Yes! I would've left a long time ago if I didn't think this was worth it. I...I love you."

Joker looked stunned for a second.

"Ha! Love me? You barely know me." 

Harleen gasped. That was hurtful.

"We've known each other for two months!" She shouted.

"Exactly. Only two months. That's not nearly enough time."

"You didn't have this attitude the other night! You wanted us to be together as much as I did! This is just you being defensive. You're afraid.”

"Watch it."

"No! You're pushing me away because you don't want to deal with these feelings. Just talk it out. It's okay."

"Just stop! Stop it. Just let me...let me think." 

Joker paused and stared at the ground. Harleen went silent. After a few moments, he seemed to come to a solution.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I'll tell you what. You can come with me tonight just to see how things work. If I see that you can handle it, then I’ll let you help. That sound good?"

"Yes. Thank you." Harleen said and stepped forward to kiss him.

Joker put his hand up to stop her.

“Harleen, look at me. You know what will happen if you’re seen with me and even worse if you’re caught, right?”

“Yes. I’m prepared for it.” 

Joker exhaled loudly and threw his hands up.

“I just don’t get it! Explain to me why, out of all the ways you could help me, you choose this.” 

“While I don’t entirely agree with the way you’re going about it, I like your message. Your chaos monologues are starting to make sense to me. I get it now. I don’t wanna help from the sidelines. I wanna be there with you. Whether you’re robbing mob banks or blowing shit up.” 

“You have no idea what you’re signing up for. You will be in so much danger.”

“So be it. I don’t care. As long as I’m with you.” 

Joker sighed. “This is just…baffling. I don’t understand. Nobody’s ever…” 

“Nobody’s ever what? Use your words.” 

“Nobody has ever, uh, cared about me this much. What is so great about me? I’m such a monster. You’re the complete opposite. You’re just so radiant. In everything you do. I love that about you.” 

Joker gasped. He couldn’t believe what he’d just said. Those sappy, gushy words actually came out of his mouth. He felt better confessing to her how he felt but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to vomit at hearing himself swoon.

Harleen, however, was elated to hear him say that. She reached up and tenderly kissed his cheek.

“You’re no monster to me.” She whispered in his ear.

They stared romantically into each other’s eyes until Joker snapped himself out of the trance. He glanced at his watch.

“Enough of all this sentimental shit. We gotta go.”

He took Harleen’s hand.

“Come on my dear. Let’s go stir up some chaos.”

[chronicwhorebatman]

What are your headcanons for Poison Ivy?

i adore rogues asks and would kill for you in a heartbeat

okay so first of all if she’s not green i don’t fucking want her <3 or like part plant in some way? i’ll forgive a skin colour if part of her body is an actual plant

(i think she should be full of chlorophyll and sunbathing)

she’s one of exactly four redheads in gotham! (also including babs kate and eddie) she cannot do undercover ever but that’s fine with her. she’s got red hair, green skin, and seething rage. she doesn’t need undercover she needs to cover the world in plants until every human being and all technology dies. sometimes she’ll settle for some buildings though it depends on her mood.

she absolutely personally tailors her clothes as plants but they’re actually just growing out of her. yes she looks like she’s wearing a dress in the shape of a pitcher plant but that’s actually more her. come closer. come closer. slide your hand down her dress. she’s daring you. it definitely won’t dissolve your hand in any way shape or form. and even if it did, obviously it’s your fault for shoving your hand down her dress. don’t worry about it. you didn’t really need that hand anyway.

her palms + the underside of her arms are, like, poison ivy. same effect. just that though (because i like harlivy and i’d like them to hug).

it’s either her lips are poisonous or the layer of poison she applied to them are poisonous. who’s to say? it depends on her mood and what day it is and what the weather is and

her ultimate goal is to overrun the entire world with plants and everyone dies, the end. however she can be reasoned with. however if you kill a plant that’s it you’re fucking dead.

ivy enacts a clever tactic of lacing her direct murderous raged w murder/mind control via seduction so people are less worried about her. this worked for about five years before people figured out what she was doing. she still uses the seduction technique sometimes (the lust pollen generally helps) because mind control is useful, and it’s funny to watch someone passionately kiss her then die of poison.

MOST OF THE TIME THOUGH she’s like some deranged plant monster because that’s who she feels she is a lot. losing limbs to vine shaped things. body indistinguishable from whatever plant shaped dress she’s wearing. the whole area is thickly coated in plants at all times and all of the are deadly and alive. her eyes are glowing a little bit. she is wrath. fuck batman, SHE is vengeance. she is the death of every plant turned on people. she’ll pull a vine attached to each limb until it rips you apart. there is no escape.

this is getting long so!! more under the cut!!! gets more into methods + personality + relationships down there

sometimes when she’s looking for distractions she pours out cuddle or sex pollen. it makes a VERY efficient distraction but also sometimes she does it because the mob planted a whole bunch of trees to ask her to do so/because she owes another rogue a favour/she wants them to owe her one/she wants to and it’s funny

she speaks well enunciated and kind of snobbish sometimes? she looks down on everyone because they’re, like, people, and she’s the enlightened plant. you know how it is. this later changes w harley and harley ONLY

SPEAKING OF HARLEY. ivy cooperates w batman sometimes because he has the power to make WE do what he wants (she’s pretty sure he’s fucking bruce wayne or that lucius fox is helping him) and makes treaties. on his end they last until he can find a better deal, on her end they last until she perceives part of it has been broken or she goes back to arkham. (i know i said speaking of harley but BEAR WITH ME.) this generally prevents some ecoterrorism and saves batman the embarrassment of having to call up someone to fuck when she inevitably hits him with sex pollen. it also saves him from terrifying robin when he gets hit with cuddle pollen and, like, tackles him to the ground. (side note, i adore cuddle pollen being used in a genuinely terrifying way). later on when batman has like seventy kids she’s less of a villain but she’s not redeemed and neither is harley!! they’re still villains but they’ll team up w the bats sometimes. they’re also opportunists! (i got to the harley part)

as i’ve mentioned above i believe harilvy happens but THIS POST IS NOT ABOUT THAT. this is abt IVY and IVY ALONE.

ivy absolutely fucking despises the joker and yeah it’s partly the harley thing but also HIS FUCKING CHEMICALS EAT THROUGH BIOLOGICAL MATTER, INCLUDING PLANTS. they’re in a war about it. harley’s hyenas (brucie, pam, puds) all like the joker differently and pam fucking hates him, much like her namesake <3 joker inevitably tries to bribe her into not killing him because he’s in the middle of his latest ‘get batman to fuck me’ plan so they’re kind of frenemies. you know how it is.

she is every plant in gotham. it would be every plant everywhere but she keeps getting thrown in jail and it’s slowing her down a bit :/

like, someone could kick a tree and the tree is fucking alive even when she’s in goddamn jail and will hit you back. a child picks a flower and the flower fucking bites them.

that said it also has a flip side! looking after/planting plants means that maybe when you’re about to trip over a tree root it’ll move out of your way. the plants can thank you.

here’s a scenario i just made up w/ ivy and the justice league where she’s gone full plant. idk the context. imagine it yourself

“Hey, B, I can’t tell the difference between plant and woman.”

“You’ll be surprised how little it matters.”

sometimes she’s nice to batman and his shark repellent will work on her plants. sometimes it won’t! this is when she’s mad at him. she gets mad abt things he struggles to predict because sometimes he’ll have stepped wrong on a blade of grass and she’ll be mad at him on a drop of a hat and sometimes he’ll like. rip her whole arm off because he couldn’t tell what was vine and what was arm and she’ll be like “if you’re taking me back to arkham you better plant a tree. no. fifty trees.”

she blames batman for a lot of joker’s plant related crimes for not stopping him. he hasn’t complained yet tbh and the joker gets really whiny when she’s mad at him. he’s like a sad wet cat if that cat was a clown.

(the shark repellent thing is because it doesn’t damage the plants, because her plants are not sharks. it just feels slimy and the texture is enough to make the plants withdraw.)

she’s sometimes, like, will just fling robin around a bit or dangle him upside down. she might also play cards with him or whatever. other times she’ll hit him with cuddle pollen. she has yet to hit him w lust/sex pollen but that’s because when batman notices her using a lot of it he brings out robin’s fabricated flower allergy to bench him. when she’s in a “throw sex pollen at my problems” mood he’s not certain how far she’ll go.

ivy will use a gun sometimes if there are no plants around because she’s not completely incapable on her own. idk why someone would’ve thought that, might be the ecoterrorism and plant theme, but who’s to say?

[argentumcor]

Arkhamverse Timeline Notes for My Writing

The Arkhamverse timeline is too tight as presented in the comics.

The canon timeline goes:

Jason gets captured -> six months later Tim becomes Robin -> within a year, A Matter of Family happens where Tim is very settled as being Robin, Barbara is paralyzed within months of that, then gets to a place where she can act as Oracle and the whole crew is settled into that, all within a year -> Arkham Asylum happens

This doesn't work for me. It's not that it's impossible, it's that everyone's attitudes are all wrong. Barb is tough, but it's a hard road to get to fully functional, mentally and physical, from the trauma of being shot and paralyzed. Tim is a very competent Robin, if not to the level we see in Harley's Revenge, is familiar to Joker and his goons, and has had time to develop an easy relationship with Barbara to the point where he almost asks her out during A Matter of Family (that was the 'never mind' conversation- not the best time to ask, buddy, and he realized it). That doesn't just happen in a handful of months with people doing this intense thing and the whole trauma of losing Jason.

I actually think Bruce's hand was forced with every Robin except Dick. It's a big city with lots of problems, he just has to deal with needing help, however he feels about it. I actually think he didn't mean to recruit Jason as Robin, he just meant to help him because that's the kind of guy he is, but after several months of Jason pulling his shit together and Batman needing help but not having it after Dick left, he caved. With Tim, I think the thing where Tim figured out his identity and still needing help forced his hand, too. Arkham's versions of the villains are no joke and Batman takes this whole endeavor very seriously. You can tell that he tries to keep Tim at arm's length through the games, while also trusting him to handle things on his own a bit more- all of which is probably easier because of Tim's temperament and, it seems, not having been a teenage ward of Bruce Wayne.

This whole thing works better if, say, Jason escaped alongside some other Joker breakout earlier. In Asylum, we can see that the titular asylum has recently upped its security and a whole deal is made of it. Joker and others have busted out before.

Also, someone somewhere pointed out there was no way Jason could be so built (grrr oh the men in AK, let me tell ya) if he'd only gotten out of Arkham when Asylum happened. I'd say give it about five years between Jason's escape and Arkham Knight, not around two- Asylum and City happen six months apart canonically, also way too fast; a year between fits better, even Ra's can't get the logistics and politics of the Arkham City experiment moving that quickly. Arkham Knight happens a year after that, which I do think works because the Arkham City fiasco meant the villains are openly all out and about as Stange's BS was definitely a federal violation on levels not seen since Woodrow Wilson and the courts acknowledged that.

Other things:

Weirdly, Penguin is one of the people who beat Jason, but he isn't an asylum prisoner in the Arkhamverse, he's a Blackgate one. Arkham Penguin is just a mobster and short.

Jason as Robin looking similar enough to Dick that Bruce thinks they can get villains to think nothing has changed amuses me and probably explains why they both have longish black hair and blue eyes in the Arkhamverse. Guess he gave that one up with Tim, who has blue eyes but has brown hair that he wears totally different. While the wiki lists the boys as all 6 foot flat, with Dick weighing less than Tim and Tim weighing less than Jason, I think Dick being shorter fits better- easier to be acrobatic when there's not quite so much you to throw around.